#like the feeling of liking someone and like butterflies and all thst i hate it so much

[bitchkay]

"Did you just she/her me?😕" Me asking if someone still perceives me as a woman because I'm offended they misgendered me.

easy to get over

—

"... you think I'm lying when I say your attractive..?😕" Me being offended that someone dosen't still perceive me as a woman because I have a crush on them and they imply that their straight and I have mixed feelings because yes you did gender me correctly and I love you for it but that means you're not attracted to me because I'm not straight or a woman.

i'm in shambles

[v1ll1anousblackhat]

What the hell is going on?!.. cruelest dream reality!!

Only TW is alcohol anddd Panic Attacks, Mentions of insecurities-?

ENJOY SU1C1DAL PR1NC3SS </333333

Tai sat Infront of their nightstand, Infront of their mirror as they kept sobbing their heart out, Tai felt horrible- and ugly. Which was literally the worst feeling for them since they hated feeling ugly anyways, as well as feeling physically unwell because of their little hangover, They were crying so hard, Shaky, shallow breathing, loud coughing, and gagging was heard coming from their room, which was so loud they heard someone slowly open their door which made them flinch, and lift their head up a little bit while their hand was gripping onto their left eye. "D-dont look at me!!--- I--I'm so…fucking ugly." Tai mumbled between sobs, which was then accompanied by a loud cough. It was two boys one with long curly hair with a black shirt printed with a blood-stained heart and always holds a blush face- on his right.... A fluffed haired brown-haired boy with a grey mask covering his face and steampunk goggles with a striped sweater and his hatchets attached to his belts. "Tai- Dearie-! what are you doing in here all alone you look terrible-!" John doe sounded so very worried he cupped her face and gently wiped her tears and Toby...The hatchet boy who's usually a very numb person and doesn't know how to confront someone who is crying just stood there and rubbed his arm "T-Tai....W-what's going on?" Tai sniffled and sunk her face into her knees ... The two boys looked at each other and then back at the sad girl..."T-Tai...don't be t-this way you can t-tell us anything...y-ya k-know..." Toby put a hand on her shoulder trying his best to show he cares and wants to comfort her...Tai finally after a few minutes positioned herself up "May we sit with you love?" John doe asked. The hungover mess of a girl nodded her head in response and the two boys sat down each side by side to Tai back against the wall. Tai was still seated in their chair, trying to steady their breathing the best they can, but all that could come out were erratic breaths and coughs. Tai breathed heavily as they were still grabbing onto their eye for dear life. It literally took the life out of Tai just to be able to speak again, "...I'm never drinking again-- ever again. I just...I just want to......maybe have something I could finally enjoy for once in my life" Tai said as their voice slightly cracked, even when they sat in a different position, and calmed down just a tiny bit, no matter what Tai always covered their eye and looked down at the floor. This odd behavior- and What Tai said confused both of the boys, they looked at each other dumbfounded for a minute. "Darling- uhm-" Doe gave a quite awkward but reassuring smile and asked. "Why do you keep covering your eye?" Tai closed both of them and mumbled. "Uh- what was that dear- I couldn't hear you?" Tai snapped "my eye looks so fucked up-! it's so ugly and fucking...sloppy.... I look so fucked up right now and I hate how disgusting I am-!! I hate this feeling of disgust I just want to fucking K!ll mys3lf!" John Doe & Toby immediately hugged Tai after she shouted that. Tai's eyes got watery again. Toby sighed and dug into his pockets and pulled out a bondage eye patch he only had one just in case of major injury during his k1ll1ng. . "Uh y-yeah h-have this..." Toby gently moves Tais bangs from her face which did make her tummy have butterflies, but she tried to prevent herself from smiling.

Toby gently placed the eye patch on her hungover eye "W-wa la-!" Tobg cheered John doe gave Tai a friendly kiss on the cheek before saying "You look lovely Tai! Go look in the mirror" "o-oh okay-" Tai carfully got up and looked up at her self through her bedroom mirror-- She looked....genrally pretty...she liked herself for once "you know what- I don't actually look thst bad- maybe I don't feel so gross after all-" A big grin flashed upon Tai's face as she looked at her two guy friends "Thanks Toby and Doe.. Idk what'd I honestly do without you two..." The three went off in the night to fuck around and Tao never felt better about herself and ...everything... she felt genrally free when she felt the cool midnight air touch her face and the moon smiling at her it was all so beautiful she closed her eyes and embraced all of it. . . The End <3

[applepies-and-starlight]

Mot sure if this is gonna go to my main ir priv blog but whatever i'm tired and my glasses are off so ic an't care

Vent ahead agian ig

Something i noticed with all of my actions so far is that i want a reason to be soecial/useful/someine worth your attention

I get very jealous very easily because of that

A girl in my elementary school had this one pretty akirt with butterfly patterns and eberyone thought she looked pretty, so i begged my mom to get it

I stopped wearing it after 1 and a half years

This doesn't just extend to smaller things, jt also extends to bigger things

Current biggest offender is trying to figure out if i'm plural or not when i'm 90% sure thst the answer is thst i'm singlet, i just wanna have tje chance to have it because a friend who had it got attention in a discord server for a bit so i want it too, even when it genuinely hurts the person

Eben tje act of writing this post is just a bid to get your attention since if i'm postinf this on main (i am. I'm stupid, but i'm self aware) since i just want y'all's likes and sympathy or some shit

I'm bery worried that i drain on others a lot for tjeir sttention, is that weird?

Fuck i'm crying. Welp.

This post might get progressively more disjointed from here on out, be warned ig

Anyway i guess i just want to be special or something. I dunno why, probably has something to do with how i was raised or something, everyone usually ignored me or didn't give me encouragement unless i did something extrodinary or caused a fuss

Probanly thought i was fine on my own

Who the fuck decided it was a good idea to tell a 7(? 8?) year old that you can't quit a school because they need to be the role model, that's kinda fucked up

"Your mom brags about you behind your back" well she called me stupid and lazy and useless on multiple occasions so excuse me if i habe trouble seeing it

I kinda wish my girlfriend sees this but also i hope they don't because they don't deserve to witness the emotional wreck that's my mental state

Admittedly i do hate them... not nessecarily in a bad way, it's just that i'm very well aware that i'm cjrrently Like This because i vented at one point (don't rember when) and they validated those issues so now my brain's just trying to chase that 'high' again

Relapse, basically

They're not your therapist you stjpid piece of grey matter (not like we'd get one anyway)

Still posting tjis om main because. Again. Attention wjore.

Honestly tjat's what i feel like i am these day, y'know, an attention seeking whore. I'm jjst supposed to sit there and smole.or sometjing, or tend to eberyone's needs

I always get anxious or nervous whenever someone sjakes their head around me and i immediately start to fuss over them to make sure all of their needs are met

What do you want from me i'm not a mind reader, though psychci powers would be cool because i get to clean, cookc, wash dishes, and do my work all at the same time so nobody will get mad at me for bei f lazy

I imternalize things too easily maybe that's becUse i want to be special

One of my many excuses is "eberyone likes a good underdog story" bit i'm not good or an underdog

Born into basixslly previlage and being served my.sjit on a silver olstter i'm just a worthless nibody tbj

Well fuck soiraling again

I can't read this post for shit my glasses aren't on sorry guys

Why are you still reading this

All of my faults and embarrasments still haunt me to this day theh occasionally come up in my head and i need to slap myself to shut up about it

Why am i still hung up over a spelling.mistake for rogue and rouge why do i still remmeber that

Eberything j make is so ficking bad man it's all just shitty stories that coukd easily be made up by some random 13yro on wattpad

When i was little i would cry a lot and my mom would comfort me for the first 15 seconds, then she'd get mad and scream at me to shut up

I don't like the word rant being used because i associate that with my mom yelling at me in the car over something i don't even remember anymore and when i try ro defend myself she says "i'm rantinf you're not supposed to interrjpt when i rant"

I'm sorry i take out my anger on everyone else i'm sorry i keep throwinf tantrums everywhere i'm sorry for being a little kid

I don't think developing the mindset of "everyone here is royalty while i'm just the lowly scum of a sercant" in middle school is a good thing

I am tempted to put in the tag i use in my priv blog for scattered thoughts just so people will get curious, click on my priv, then start giving me pity, but i don't want that blog to be percieved

Not all self harm is cutting on razors, sometimes it's hitting youself on the head so hard that your once perfect memory is now fuzzy arojnd the edges

I might've given myself brain damage because i literally can't comprehendnsome things anymoee

I still feel like a teenager what tje fuck do you mean i'm an adult i was literally in my first middle scjool yesterday

Traima is so ficking funny what do you mean the upperclassmen teasing you that you had a crush on a guy you asked for directjons for gives you some form of disgust towards attraction to men and Also makes you afraid of relationships?

Wjat do you mean having your (previously not) ex vent to you nearly-daily will give you unbridled anxiety that you're piling all your shit on your current partner

If it wasn't noticable, i'm deliberately making tjis post insanely long so my firldriend doesn't read it

Why the FUCK are YOU reading this????

All my thoughts ae already scattered i forgot my original thought process whu the fuck are you stoll reading

Even something as small and petty as taking away thr wifi from me already has me considering killing myself...(/srs)

Why is brain /srs what the fuck is wrong with you

I need to cut my tongue out maybe if i stop talking it might help

My mom and dad get angrier when i don't respond, i'm sorry thwt i get nonverbal when yelled at, that's on me

Trauma is so silly what do you mean the fact that your mom threw a tantrum and ripped up one of your favorite books that you read while you were taking a break from studying because she assumed you weren't studying the entire time haunts you to this very day

What do you mean this means you have a horrible sense of object permanence that's compounded on with the constant house moves that makes you literally unable to progress when you need to use things up

Mom never bought me a new copy and never apologized to me <3

I want to be special i hate being normal

I try to be normal so hard so everyone can give me compliments on how good and perfect i am

How the fuck is a bratty spoiled nepobaby 10 year old who threw a chair at her lowerclassmen a good person? I dunno, next question

I want to kill someone. I don't care who. I just want to feel the blood on my fingers as they drive an axe into someone's heart

Was i groomed as a kid? A family friend kept blowing raspberries into my armpits as a joke but honestly looking back on it it felt deeply incomfortable even as a kid, but i never said to stop because he said it was just playing

I considered him a dad too...

I hate my body i hate myself can someone please jjst destroy my voice box

I want to vomit

Maybe if i get sexually assailted i can say i'm special but thar isn't fair for those who struggle through the traima

I'M TRYING TO BE NORMAL I'M TRYING TO BE RESPECTFUL CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I'M DOING MY BEST I'M TRYING I'M TRYING I'M TRYING PLEASE LOOK I'M NOT LIKE THOSE IDIOTS OVER THERE WHO ARE SAYING ALL THOSE BAD THINGS THAT YOU HATE LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME

no amount of likes will substitute for genuine love. Dumbass.

I need to tear my eyebakls out

I've been writing for over an hour

Please just use me as your fuck doll please plesse please i'm not even horny about it i just want to be useful

I am normal i am nice and perfectly normal

Wow tjis post is long

Why don't i have a system (you're putting those with the struggle down for your gloriifed idea of it)

I want ti be special have i said that i want to be special yet?

HOW MANY TIMES TO I HAVE TO REPEAT MYSELF BECAUSE YOU GET IT LOOK AT ME PLEAEE LOOK AT ME

I'm very ugly don't look at me actually

Fucking contratian

Go to sleep asshole it's 1:34am and the pokemon need you

I like to boast because it makes me feel like i'm good in at least One thing

I think i pissed off my girlfriend

How do you salvage a friendship?

My last ex soured my childhood memories and i'm not sure how to feel about that

I kept promising to myself that if loving them was a sin then i'd happily fall into hell with them... look where that got me

Bitter choco decoration~

This doesn't even have anythibg to do with the original subject anymore

See this is what i mean by wanting attention

I wonder if anyone would read this. Probably not because who wants to read a vent that's as long as a fanfic

Put a gun in my mouth and shoot me i'm better off dead all this money that's used to keep this useless sack of shit called my body alive and functioning is just a waste because i won't akojnt to anything good eventhally

If i write a fake conclusiob to this would anyone read it?

I don't know hinestly and i'm just tired

I'll keep going with these less insane thoughts until you can"/ see them if tou scrolled all the wau down and skipped everything

If you're reding this because you skipped everyhing don't read what's above

I think i just wen through a meltdown typing this out

Reblogs are off as i type this but i'm tempted to turn it on

What was i talking aboht again? Oh right ti be special

Idrk what to say, honestly. That's the reasoning my braincomes up for it, usually i want to stand oht from the crowd, to be different and cool and beloved

Why am i like this? I don't know. I miss being normal honestly

I want to cry, i need to cry more accurately, but i've learned that crying is bad and gets you yelled at so my body doesn't cry

Instead, it throws temper tantrums and makes eberythung Worse!

I'm tired. I dunno what to say anymore. Just gonna end this post here.

Bye, or something

[kisekisreblogspage]

@angrytreemarten why did you tag me on this 💀🤌

K then, here goes nothing

1: 29/10 (yea, almos halloween)

2: biggest phobia? I don't think i have a phobia, but i am really afraid of some extrange People, and also hate the dark, it sometimes feels like there is someone else in there in a corner (i am paranoic)

3: one time i fell from the roof on my grandma's room lol, o and i also fell in a trench and got a huge scar in my hip and some of my ankle

4: dad jokes, songs with insults (example: galactic mermaid, by the mermando sisters) dank memes, parodies, and more

5: tipe? What is that? Do you eat that? (I am demisexual, but i kinda thend to like manly skeletons Boys or smh

6: heart broken. yes, my ex cheated on me, with a person that i didn't like (yey lore!)

7: favorite song? Thats a dificult one! I have manny, but my top 3 are: Bad Aple (Thouhou) Echo (by crusher-P) and Roling Girl (by wowaka)

8: birth gender: Female, Chosen Gender: Goddes i mean... female

9: were am i from... LA ARGENTINIDAD- AL PALO- (Argentina. Shit's getting crazzy en here, please don't come)

10: the thing that amazes me everytime is the sky and it's amazing clowds, it can be both aestetical and nostalgical sometimes, also, Stars, those things are pretty balls of gas thst shines in between the darkes of the fabric of our universe, Jelly fishes, Birds Flowers, and of course Butterflys

11: yea, i have 4 cats, and one of them just gave birth... does any one whants a cat?

12: some stuff are unfair, some People needs to be put behind barrs and is still out there in the wild, some People are jerks to others that have done nothing but beeing a minority (for example, autistic People, fat People, eldery, kids who's parents are too poor to have an actuall house, etc) if you knew the stuff that i see every day, you wuld be mad aswell

13: supposed me?? I don't understanf this question either lol

14: only some, just some

15: Of COURSE!!

16: one time i farted loudly in class :3

17: in Argentina obiously

18: i need glasses, contacta are expensive

19: cats!

20: my favorite flowers are the ones that grows in trees and die just to make a fruit, expecually the Ones thst grows in Orange Trees

21: my name means "Miracle" litteraly, because my mom made a promise to Mother Mary and promised to name me something like "Miracle" ig i born healty and safe. It is adorable

22: toasting my self in the sun! (Not a Joke, i love sun bathing) also Eating Ice cream

23: favorite food? Chocolate... what? This is not food but a treat? Well... Ice Cream... what? This is not food but more theats? Ok then... Ravioly, ricota filled ravioly, with chunky tomate sauce and chese sprinkeld ate the top. Are you happy now?

24: hopefully i don't have allergies

25: knowing who i am, i shuldn't have children

26: no thanks, i only do sleep

27: i don't think that i have a disability...

28: a brocken, Black case which paint is faling apart and i took that as some art oportunity, so now it is filled with scatches that looks like stars, and also has some tape on it, because its brocken

29: oww there is a lot of things... to many things... especially math.. i hate that thing

30: my own frustration

31: honey, i am a walking conspiracy

32: no but sometimes i'd like to know how it feels

33: butterflys are wimsical, ants are really cool, ladybugs are neat and Praying Mantis are terrifying. The rest of bugs are either annoying or scary, keep them away from me

34: yea, i am a Lucky person, i mean, its a miracle that i am alive

35: i use to like christmas as a child... now i don't know any more

36: i think it is really huge for me, not talasphobic but just amazed on how huge that mass of Whater is

37: chocolate, anyting that has chocolate, oh! And Ice Cream!

38: Sprite, Chocolate Milk, and Soda, and melted ice cream

Welp thats all...

I have no idea who to tag

@docesbeijos what do you say?

Ask Game

Send me an emoji and I’ll answer!

🥳: When is your birthday?

😱: What’s your biggest phobia?

🤕: Any major injuries?

😂: What makes you laugh?

🫦: Got a type?

💔: Have you ever been heatbroken?

🎵: What’s your favorite song?

🏳️‍🌈: Birth gender and chosen gender?

🏳️: Where are you from?

🤩: What amazes you every time?

🐶: Any pets?

😡: What makes you mad?

😳: What supposed you the most recently?

👻: Are you afraid of ghosts?

👾: Do you like video games?

🤡: Any embarrassing stories?

👩‍🍼: Where were you born?

👓: Do you need glasses or contacts?

🐤: What’s your favorite animal?

💐: What’s your favorite flower?

✨: What does your name mean?

☀️: Favorite summer activity?

🍎: Favorite food?

🥜: Are you allergic to anything?

🍼: Do have or want to have children?

⚽️: Favorite sport?

🦯: Do you have any disabilities?

📱: What does your phone case look like?

❓: What has always puzzled you?

😭: What always makes you cry?

👽: Do you believe in any conspiracies?

🦾: Do you have any artificial limbs?

🕸️: Opinion on bugs?

🍀: How lucky do you consider yourself?

🎄: Favorite holiday?

🌊: Do you like the ocean?

🍭: Favorite sweet?

🥤: Favorite drink?

[daisydezem]

Hi everyone,

So this is where I tell you all about why I was gone for such a long time. And to be honest I'm kinda scared to. But I hate taboos and want to break any of them when I can. And I believe people should be the way they are without anyone telling them otherwise. Scary or not, stand tall in who you are, what you believe and what your goals are. This is all very personal and not everything is minor friendly subjects. So just a heads up.

Let me first give you all some personal information about my irl life. As you all can see I'm 31. Around 12 years ago I met someone I really liked, we dated a bit but it didn't stick. 2 years later so 10 years ago we met up again and well I kinda never left his house again. I call him my hubby but we never got married. Because I don't want to get married, ever. I don't believe in the one. Even back then I never got butterflies but felt a intense love. We are totally different, don't see things the same way and can argue about everything. Sounds like a mismatch, I know, but that's not the case. We both need a lot of alone time. Even when we are together. He plays his game and I play mine. It works so so well. No I don't wanna go shopping with you because it's raceweek (f1) but when I get something to drink I'll bring you some with some snacks to it as well. One thing we always love together is, uhm well bedroom activities, to say it in a family friendly manner. It's a very important thing to me. And well as result we have been blessed with our son to make it all complete. He is almost 7 now. I still can't believe it.

But 10 years together is a lot, you get into a routine. I mean, I like routine, don't get me wrong. Means you got a good, comfortable thing going on. Safe, secure and all the good things. But in the mean time eyes still see, temptations are there but you made a promise so you don't act on those. But what if things could be different? Is what I had in my mind for a long time. Every time I got into a relationship even before my hubby (I know not married but still haha) I always thought why?

Then one day at work someone came up to me. Flirting, hitting on me and well I liked it. Didn't do anything and told him I got someone. But it made me question my whole life. Not because I liked or fallen in love with him, never seen that guy again as well, but because of the situation. Why would I have to say no to letting more people in my life?

Not only that but as the years go on and you get to know each other better and better... also in well bedroom activities, we noticed that our well uhm exploring interests were on a different path. With that said we still both have so much fun together with it. But just when going into what really tickles our fantasies it was not something we can share together without making the other in one way or the other uncomfortable. Not saying we didn't tried but just knowing each other well enough to know it wouldn't make it fun but played for the other. So it stayed with just fantasies.

Now the part about why I was gone...

I went to my hubby and asked him very carefully: how would you feel about us opening our relationship up to others? To be honest it was scary to ask. We never had a conversation about it before. My hands were sweaty and my heart was just going crazy. I could have just ruined everything. What if this what if that. All scenarios went through my mind. And he said: I don't know, let me think about it. We talked about it some more and well the idea of the fantasies that can become real like this made him go ahead with it.

We have a open relationship now... what next? Dating apps, flirting, texting.... stuff happening. And as a woman, we get to pick and choose. Men on the other hand are lucky if someone even responds. Then someone found me and had a normal text. And we hit it off. After 2 weeks or so I gave him my number and continued to chat thst way. He wanted to try the same things I was looking for. So after awhile we decided to meet up. Just a casual thing. And keep in mind, hubby knows everything because the ground rule is open, honest and transparency. He also went on some dates and had fun.

But is guy, when I was there... something just clicked. I felt it in my heart. I have room for more people in my heart, I always known. I love love love my hubby. I never want to leave him because he is my endgame. I want to do wheelchair races with him when I'm old... but I also felt a intense love for the guy I met up with. It was scary. And soon he wasn't just a guy I met up with once. We saw each other more often and he asked if he could be my boyfriend. He knows about my family and never wants to get in between us. So he would back up if needed but he also felt this love.

This wasn't only scary for me but also for my hubby. Seeing your loved one, loving someone else... its weird and so so scary. And well he freaked out. And we put a stop to it. But I... I realised something. I couldn't go back. I want to love more. I want to let people in my heart. I want to love more then just one person. So I realised I am polyamory...

Polyamory is a term under the ENM umbrella to describe the capability or desire to be in a relationship with more than one individual at once. Polyamorous can be used both as a description of a relationship with more than two individuals and as description of individuals who desire such relationships.

So once I knew, my hubby and me talked so so so much... and him being the awesome man he is, he still wanted me to be me. Can you see why I love him so so much? I could never let him go. But we needed to approach it differently. Slower... to let him get used to it. And so we did.

Back to now... now instead of having a open relationship, we are having a hierarchical polyamory. In which my hubby is my primary because well we have a family, a house to pay off, 10 years of history. And now enriched my life with my boyfriend. He is at the moment what is called secondary (tbh I don't like the wording because it makes it feel like it's less) but that's mainly because be lives 2 hours drive away, in a different country as well. So it's not easy to see each other on a daily basis.

We're still working out how everything works and it takes a lot of energy. And this is a lot what I wrote but really still not everything. Opening your heart is scary, you are vulnerable and don't know if it will make you happier or sad. Or both. But I believe its worth it.

So well this is it... why I was gone for so long. Sorry it turned out to be such a long post. I even shortened it a bit already. But yeah... if you have questions or comments about it all, don't shy away to ask or say them. I want it to be a open thing with no taboo. Also feel free just to dm me if you want. Now let me stop rambling haha. Thank you all for giving me a place to return to and making me feel safe enough to open up like this.

Kusje en liefde kisses and love

-Daisy

[just-jordie-things]

00:02:30:17 - Richie Tozier

word count: 2871 warnings: swearing request: @oceanspray5​: Richie x Reader soulmate AU with the timers counting down to meeting their soulmate? With Reader being a sweetheart and trashmouth being himself yet absolutely smitten with her anyway because she's the best thing in his life. And maybe focus on Richie and how he's nervous to meet his soulmate because of being insecure thst he's unlovable. Feel free to take this in any direction you would like or even modify the type of prompt! Thank you! ___

[ 00:02:30:17 ]

“Two hours, thirty minutes, and seventeen seconds,” Richie announced to Beverly, eyes darting between hers and the tattooed timer on his wrist.  “That’s how long you have to teach me how to be a good boyfriend”

“Richie-”

“Fifteen seconds!” He cut her off, watching the last two digits on his arm tick downwards.  “Fourteen!”

“Are you gonna do that the whole time?” Bev sighed.

Richie had begged her to meet him at a little diner in Derry that the Losers often hung out at.  Today was the day he was supposed to meet his soulmate, and he’d gone to bed last night excited, eager to meet them, who wouldn’t?

But this morning, he woke up feeling awfully anxious, not realizing how big of a deal this really was.  He was going to meet the love of his life today, the one person that was made for him, his other half, and as wonderful as it had sounded twenty four hours ago, now, he wasn’t so sure.

What if he wasn’t what they were expecting? What if he was too cude? Swore too much? What if they didn’t like that?

Overthinking was a hallmark of Richie Tozier’s personality.  It was right up there with ‘Makes Dirty Jokes’ and ‘Literally Can’t See’.  And now he was overthinking about whether his soulmate would hate that he overthinks.

“They’re literally going to fucking hate me, I can feel it.  I just know” Richie told Bev, who furrowed her brows while she sipped on a milkshake.  So far, she had just been sitting there listening to Richie ramble on about all his unecessary nerves.

“That’s impossible.  Really, impossible” She said calmly, but her kind words fell on deaf ears, and Richie babbled on.

“What if theyre- like- really fucking popular? Huh? What if it’s the most popular- what if they’re a cheerleader? Do you really think I should date a cheerleader,  Bev? I mean I do but I shouldn’t be with one-”

“You’re not even making sense anymore,” Beverly shook her head.  “You’re worried they’re gonna be…?”

“More popular than me keep up,” Richie groaned.  “No one wants to find out their soulmate is that weird kid! And I’m that weird kid!”

His yelling was making other customers turn heads, but neither Beverly or Richie cared.  They were used to the frustrated attention of adults.

“Alright, how about you take a deep breath, and we’ll start from the beginning,” The red haired girl suggested, sitting up straighter in order to get to business.  “First of all, no matter what you say or do, they won’t hate you, Richie.  Not only is it impossible, but this person is going to fall so in love with you when you meet”

“What if-”

“No.  No ‘what ifs’. It’s the truth.  You could literally stab them when you meet and the bond between you will still be unbreakable.  Do you understand? That should trump all else.  It’s unconditional, Richie.  Do you get that now?”

He shrugged his shoulders, picking up a fry from the basket in front of him and poking at the other fries with it

“I just- I don’t know, Bev.  I feel like- I feel like I won’t be…” He trailed off, feeling vulnerable and angry about it.  Luckily, Beverly was patient, and waited quietly while he tried to find the words.  “Enough” He finished, staring down at his food.

“Oh, Rich,” Beverly smiled, and reached across the table to set her hand on top of his.  “That’s the best part.  You’re going to be more than enough.  You’ll be everything, just like they will be for you”

Richie looked down at his wrist once more,

[ 00:02:15:48]

and a slight smile tugged on his lips.  In two short hours, and fifteen short minutes, he was going to meet his everything.  Some people weren’t so lucky, some people’s timers ticked on for sixty years, but Richie had only waited for seventeen.  And he was meeting them tonight.  At approximately seven o’clock.

“I can’t believe this,” richie said through a heavy breath.  He put his elbows on the table and hung his head in his hands.  “I can’t believe this is happening.  It’s too fast”

“Too fast? You’ve only known your whole life that this was happening today,” Beverly laughed, earning a glare from the stressed out boy.  “Come on.  It’s gonna be magical.  And romantic, and beautiful, and, oh you’re going to remember this day for the rest of your life”

“If I don’t have a goddamn heart attack and die right now, yeah maybe,” Richie mumbled.  “It’s only the most important thing to ever happen to someone.  And I’m not… ready”

Beverly gave him a soft smile, knowing that everyone would feel that way in the minutes leading up to the timer hitting zero.  But she also knew that he would be just fine, and all his worries were for nothing.

“I can’t wait to meet them,” She told him, her smile growing on her face.  “And I can’t wait to get an invite to the wedding…”

“Okay okay that’s enough advice outta you,” Richie cut her off, but she could tell he was trying to suppress his laughter.  “I gotta go”

“Go? You literally have two hours” Bev said, gesturing to the timer on his wrist.

“Yeah, but I gotta get some stuff first” Richie shrugged, sliding out of the booth and putting on his jacket.

“You have to go grocery shopping?” Beverly laughed.  “You don’t want to hang out some more?”

“Not grocery shopping-”

“Are you gonna go buy a new outfit to impress your date?”

“Nope,” Richie grinned, eating one last french fry.  “I’m gonna go buy flowers”

And with that, he raced out of the diner, leaving Beverly to laugh and shake her head.  

He was a mess.  Whoever it was that he met tonight was sure going to be someone special. ___

(y/n) had been wandering around Derry all day, checking her wrist every minute to see the timer ticking down.  Hours to minutes, her eyes were glued on the tattoo.  It led to her bumping into a few people, and doorframes, but even so, she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the numbers.

She was terrified.

And now, after spending the whole day walking around town, she was sitting at the overlook at the quarry.  The bench there was worn down and usually required some dusting off for anyone to feel comfortable to sit there, but the view was too nice to pass up.

The sun was setting, and she liked watching the ducks swim around in the waters below.  The relaxing setting helped calm her nerves, since she’d been over-stressing all day.

All that was left to do now, was wait.

She was enjoying watching the ducks bob their heads under the water to eat when a loud sound pulled her from the scene.

“Fuck!”

The girl leapt up, spinning around just as Richie Tozier tripped over his feet and face planted onto the grass.  She gasped, and was quick to rush over to him.

“Oh my god!” She squealed, crouching down to his level.  “Are you alright?”

“Yeah- just- fuckin’ slipped”

She giggled as he pushed himself to sit up.

He finally looked up at her, and he just knew that the timer on his wrist hit zero.  He could feel it, like his heart was suddenly full and there was no chance of it ever being empty, ever again.  And just by looking at her, this stranger that he would spend the rest of his life with, he knew she felt the same way.

“Hey,” He mumbled, dusting the grass off his arms and legs.  “You… You’re-”

“Are those supposed to be for me?” She asked, smiling and pointing to the bouquet of daisies in his hand, slightly flattened on one side from catching his fall.

“Ah, fuck,” Richie groaned, trying to make the flowers look less ruined, but (y/n) just laughed again and took them from him.  “Yeah, they… were supposed to be… for you”

“That’s cute,” She mused, effectively making him blush.  “I’m (y/n)” She introduced herself, sticking her hand out towards him.

“Richie,” He replied, shaking her hand.  “This is… not what I thought” He said, and (y/n) sat down on the ground, a thoughtful look on her face as she studied his features.

He was cute, he was really cute.  She wondered if it was the fact that he was her soulmate that made him so goddamn attractive to her, but as soon as the thought crossed her mind, his wide eyes from behind his glasses met hers, and her heart melted, spreading warmth and butterflies throughout her body.

“What did you think, then?” She asked with an amused smirk.

“Honestly?” He asked, and she nodded curiously.  “I thought it’d be pouring rain, and then we’d see each other from, say, twenty feet away, and then you would run, literally, into my arms, and we would kiss all dramatic like”

(y/n) laughed at the detailed description, before looking up at the sky.

“Well, it’s clear skies, definitely no chance of pouring rain…” She trailed off, eyes nervously meeting his again.  “But, I’m still here?” She shrugged a shoulder, lips twitching in an anxious sort of smile.

“That you are...” Richie grinned, leaning forward a bit.  

(y/n’s) eyes fluttered shut as their lips met halfway, and for the first time in her life, she saw stars behind her eyes.  Soulmates were magical, they were perfection, and she’d never felt more at home than she did right now.

Richie’s lips were so soft, and she could tell already that she was going to enjoy the rest of her life with him.

When they parted, there was a warmth that could only be described as the spark between them.

“Wow,” (y/n) let out in a breath, her eyes fluttering open, finding him with the same surprised expression.  “Um…” She bit her lip, her cheeks burning pink while her heart started to beat out of her chest.

“Yeah” Richie agreed softly.

They both laughed quietly to themselves, and when Richie finally stood up, he took her hand to help her up as well.

“Well?” (y/n) hummed expectantly, and Richie furrowed his brow in confusion.  “Um, was it- uh- worth it?” She asked, showing a bit more of her shyer side than she had a few moments ago.

He just laughed, not sure how to tell her that this was even better than he could have imagined. ___

(One Year Later)

“Did you make sure to turn down the heat for the la-”

“-Last five minutes? Yes,” RIchie answered.  “You don’t trust me with cooking at all, babe, do you?”

(y/n) glared at him from where she sat on the counter.  Richie had decided he was going to make dinner for them tonight, all on his own.  She wasn’t allowed to help in any way, this was his treat to her.  However, she wasn’t all that much of a fan.  Richie didn’t have a great track record when it came to the kitchen, and this is what led to her always cooking or baking for them.  He was allowed to help her, sometimes, but she never let him cook by himself.

“Since you tried to make me a birthday cake and covered the floor with flour, melted the batter, and nearly started a fire? No, babe, I don’t trust you with cooking” She replied sassily.

“Well this is gonna be the best goddamn tortellini you’ve ever had!” He declared, and stirred the pot of boiling noodles.  “Sausage and cheese stuffed, manually, by yours truly,” He said, casting her a wink that she rolled her eyes at.  “And homemade sauce too!”

She had to smile at his efforts, he really did want to impress her.  But she was just so worried he was going to burn their food.

“Just a little longer, hon” He said, setting the spoon aside and taking the few steps over to stand in front of her.

She rests her hands on his shoulders and smiles down at him.  She’s barely any taller than him, but she enjoys having an inch or two on him for once.

Richie smirks back up at her, hands landing on her hips as she kisses his nose adorably.

He tugs her forward and helps her to her feet on the ground.

“That’s better,” He says with a small snicker.  She gives him a pout, but it goes away with a short kiss.  “Much better”

His eyes wander and land on her wrist, which was resting against his chest.  With a gentle hand he takes it, and his thumb smooths over the inked skin.  00:00:00

A smile tugs on the corner of his lips at the sight.  Sometimes he just has to check, to make sure this is real, and he’s not just daydreaming.  (y/n) knew this, and she found it incredibly sweet, every time.

They’d been together for a year now, and he was still in disbelief.

She leaned up on the tips of her toes and kissed him, for a satisfyingly longer amount of time than before.  Her fingers latched onto the collar of the flannel he was wearing, pulling him down a bit towards her so she could deepen the kiss.  And just as he was contemplating lifting her back up onto the counter, she pushed him away.

“The pasta!” She all but screeched.

Richie just laughed, and turned off the stovetop to finish up dinner.

After ten minutes of fixing up the sauce and assuring (y/n) repeatedly that’s it’s neither undercooked or burnt.  She wasn’t all too convinced, but she was too hungry to care all too much.

He made her go put on pajamas before making up her bowl of tortellini.  And when she came back, her heart melted at the sight of him setting up the sofa with blankets, a selection of her favorite movies on the cushion.

“You pick a movie, and then I’ll set it up, and you can relax and enjoy this sweet ass meal”

She giggled, and picked out a movie before settling in on the sofa.

He kissed her cheek as he settled in next to her.

At her first bite, her eyes widened, and she almost forgot to swallow.  She stared at her boyfriend in surprise, and he waited impatiently for what she had to say.

“Well?” He asked, motioning for her to say something, anything.

“Damn” She mumbled, before swallowing thickly.

“That good, huh?” He asked with a giggle.  It was a little out of character, but adorable nonetheless.  “Is it really? You like it?” He asked hopefully.

After swallowing, she grinned at him.

“Richie! I’m actually proud of you! This is amazing!”

“Great- wait, actually proud? You’ve never been proud of me before-”

“From now on, you can cook whenever you want.  But! You have to read the instructions every time!”

“Deal” He laughed, and they settled into a comfortable silence as they ate and watched the film.

After going for seconds, (y/n) was stuffed and exhausted.  She propped her feet up on the coffee table, and leaned against Richie, her head plopping onto his shoulder.

He loved when she did that.

And it didn’t take long for her to completely cuddle up against him, half asleep.  It was his favorite thing.  It was rare for her to make it through a whole movie.

(y/n) wrapped her arms around his neck, and then kissed his cheek.  When he turned his head to smile down at her, she reached up and pressed a much more passionate kiss to his lips.

He was taken by surprise, but enjoyed it nonetheless.

Even when she pulled away, his lips were still a bit pursed, and he quirked an eyebrow.

“And what was that gift for?” He asked, and was amused by the blush that dusted over her cheeks.

“Just cause,” She hummed, and gave him a sheepish shrug.  “Cause I love you” She added in a quieter voice.

It wasn’t her first time saying it, but she’d only said it a handful of times, and it still made her nervous to admit out loud.  Even knowing that Richie was her soulmate, the destined love of her life, she was still worried about such things.

Richie smiled, loving how her blush darkened when she’d said it.  He loved her so goddamn much it hurt sometimes.  And this was one of those times.  She could be so shy sometimes, even though it’s been a year now and they had forever to spend together.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her in close.  He kissed the crown of her head as she nuzzled into his shirt.

“I love you too, sweets” He tells her.  He can feel her smiling against his chest.

Her hand settles against his wrist as they continue to watch the movie, tracing over the black ink rhythmically.

00:00:00

They had to be the luckiest people alive, finding each other so young, leaving them plenty of time to spend their lives together.

00:00:00. ___

xoxo ~ jordie