#like the fat shaming goes insane one of the girl main characters is always like

[fakecats]

what the actual Fuck just found out that caligula effect the game i started 3 years ago then gave up on because of the insanely shitty graphics and dungeons that are just the same shit repeated for infinity was made by fucking SATOMI TADASHI. WHAT THE FUCK. HOW DID THE GUY WHO MADE PERSONA 2 ALSO MAKE FUCKING CALIGULA EFFECT IM ACTUALLY IN SHOCK

[weeklyella]

The topic about unrealistic body image on the internet and the way it affects the younger generation has been discussed probably about hundred times. Bullying people nowadays is considered something normal and those who are being bullied have ti ‘just deal with it’. It’s not normal to expect from a child to accept being called ugly or fat.

Recently I noticed that this habit of bodyshaming people online has turned around. It’s a small turn but at least it’s something. There is a trend on Tiktok that literally shows everything that is hiding behind the camera and how bodies, faces and hairstyles really look like. The trend is called “A quick reminder that not everything you see on the internet is real”. The video is usually 10 seconds long and in the first 5 seconds the tiktoker looks really good and then in the second part of the video he or she shows how lighting and posing can change your whole appearance. When I first saw a video like this I was really shocked from the comment section and how positive were people about this trend. There were haters, of course. There are always haters but overall people loved the video. I loved it too. A few days later a started seeing stuff like this all over Instagram too. Boys and girls were doing it and they were all being completely honest about their make up, clothes, hair.

I started thinking about how most parents don’t let their kids browse on the Internet too much or have a Facebook account. I don’t really know what are they protecting the child from but in my opinion bullies and unrealistic body image are dangerous stuff too. Both of these can influence a young person’s confidence without a reason. In stead of hiding all the platforms, we can just make them a better place and a little bit more friendly.

These Tiktok videos really gave me hope about the app and the internet overall. Of course, there are good and positive people online but when something becomes a trend it’s more likely to reach a lot of people and make them do the same. Not to bully themselves. But to show what a real body looks like. To show that there is no such thing as studio lights whenever you go or a perfect outfit that stays perfect no matter what. We all want to have pretty pictures in our profiles because we want to remember the pretty moments or we just want people to like us. In order to achieve both of these things we forgot what the real world look like and how the real world is SUPPOSED to look like.

The trend also made me this of one of my favourite episodes of Black Mirror. For those who don’t know, Black Mirror is a series in Netflix that shows the future live on earth and how technology affected it. The episode I thought about is the first one from season 3. The storyline is about “an insecure office worker living in a smiley, status-obsessed, nightmare finds a way to join an old friend as one of society's elites”(Wikipedia). The world that the characters live in didn’t look much different from ours. People wanted other people to like them. They literally had a score above their heads. When you think about it we all have a ‘score’ based on our social media accounts. Fake smiles, sucking our stomach, expensive make up, perfect hair or the perfect couple. Nobody shows the not so perfect stuff I don’t understand why. We all have them and yet everyone is acting like they don’t exist. In the end of the episode the main character, who was played by Bryce Dallas Howard, goes insane and end in prison for not having enough likes. We haven’t gotten that far but we are pretty close. Some people really feel that they are in prison, not able to express their passion and show who they are because they won’t be rated with five stars.

We need to learn how to use the Internet and show ourselves some self love. The platforms are for sharing content, talent, pictures of tour dog or your baby. They are not for shaming and bullying people for who they are.

[filmista]

Blood, Sweat and Tears: Martyrs (2008, France)

France is notorious for its brutal horror movies, of which the most famous or shall I say infamous is ‘Martyrs’, highly controversial, it is a film that has been called deep by some as they say it critiques senseless violence, by directly, mercilessly confronting us with it. 

Or that it shows the phenomenon of how some people abuse the fact that they have more power over someone, whether that's physical, mental or social and actually get away with it. 

Yes, it shows us a cruel world where people can commit heinous acts and not be punished ever, or they only are after their reign of terror has gone on for years... And that's why I think it's so scary because that world exists whether you want to be confronted with it or not, it's a film that truly does wake up the survival instinct, part of me simply wanted to run out the room a few times.

Others say that it's a piece of torture porn trash made by someone with a sick mind (the director, Pascal Laugier suffered from severe depression when he wrote the script) that it's an inhuman film and that it is unbearable, true torture to watch. All these various statements about it have for quite some time created a sort of morbid fascination towards the film in my mind though.

Just a sort of curiosity, because often with things that are polarising it's for a reason, be that a good or bad reason. Some people say that 'Martyrs' is a film with absolutely nothing redeeming that you needn't waste your time with it, others say that it's a film with cruel acts yet also occasional acts of extraordinary kindness, that it's human in its cruelty. 

I've been told by plenty of people that know I'm a horror fan that I should watch this, that it is one of those horror films that you just have to have seen in your life and one of those film experiences you just have to have had, you just have to see it; to believe how impossibly cruel it is, just to give an idea it has supposedly made people in audiences faint and vomit...

As I've said all of that did create some sort of morbid fascination, but it also made me nervous and admittedly slightly scared. I like horror, but there's a limit to what each of us can take right? What if I got to see a spectacle that I would never ever recover from? But then again people have watched it and they have survived so I finally decided to submit myself to it. Newsflash: I am not deceased. Thought I was gonna be a few times though.

Filmmakers like Pascal Laugier don't have it easy. It is to be expected that production companies and distributors will not be eager to work with you if you turn in a script like that of 'Martyrs'. It's at least as hard a job to get actors and actresses ready to work with you on your brainchild.

Laugier sent the script to a number of candidates but got the steady return with the announcement not to bother them with such a sick mess. Eventually, he found them, two main actresses, who were prepared to go out of their way and to the limit. It became Mylene Jampanoï (Lucie) and Morjana Alaoui (Anna), they play characters that must survive the most horrible torture to eventually become 'martyrs'.

For torture, there is in 'Martyrs'. The film has been rejected by many critics as a protagonist of the torture porn genre, as known for example by Hostel, Haute Tension, L'interieur and numerous Asian productions, but 'Martyrs' has more than the average extreme horror movie in which sadism is purely filmed for entertainment.

It is not meant to give anyone pleasure, it's not supposed to give the "Oh this is so gross but so fun to watch sentiment" (we all know it) 'Martyr's' is supposed to make you disgusted, it wants to disgust, to induce panic sweats and make your blood run cold, it aims for physical and mental reactions.

The difference is that in most films you are very aware that it is not real thus you're not at all that scared, or you are but there is always that voice of reason that says: "you can always turn it off, it's not real, it's only got a few more minutes left", but 'Martyrs' does a darn good job of almost, almost making you forget it for a while, at least that's how consumed I was watching the film. 

In the above-mentioned films, the victims are usually colourless, characterless puppets, serving only as slaughter cattle, as defenceless clowns who entertain the public with their blood, screams, swearing, moaning and intestines. 

Laugier, however, dives deep into the psyche of his character Lucie. Being saved from the arms of a bizarre sect does not mean she's safe from misery. Her life has become a hell on earth and she seeks fruitless ways to deal with it.

Jampanoi's performance can handle the ordeal: pain, sadness, panic, despair and crazy are all splashing off the screen, they are an assault on the emotions and are far more terrifying than the bloody parts. Alaoui does her best and outdoes herself; impressive as there was a lot being asked of her as a beginning actress. Laugier also plays handily with the expectations and needs of the horror community.

Instead of punishing the perpetrators after the viewer knows what they have done, it begins with revenge and the viewer does not even know if it is justified or not. The script is full of unexpected twists and turns, making the film everything but a crowd pleaser, that being said,  it's very possible that you dear reader might dislike it. Juicy torture scenes are there, but not free-flowing: the director has added the required dose of psychological horror to deliver a cruel film.

'Martyrs' is about the traumatised young woman Lucie, who returns fifteen years after her escape to the house of her abductors. This time, however, she is armed with a shotgun and she is determined to give her abductors a taste of their own medicine. When she stands eye to eye with the people who have mercilessly mistreated her as a child, she does not hesitate one single moment and pulls the trigger instantly.

The story begins with cold sweat inducing panic shots: a half-naked girl is running across of an industrial site, clearly running from someone, clearly running in fear of her life. From this flashback, it becomes clear that it's a memory of Lucie. It turns out she has been severely mistreated, to which the injuries on her body bear the evidence.

The authorities can not figure out where she came from, so they have placed her in an orphanage. In her fifteen years she grows up, she joins forces with Anna, who is also an orphan and becomes her best friend. (Anna wants to be Lucie's lover, but Lucie is too psychologically damaged to be able to return that, she needs love but first most not in that way, she needs someone who can help her sort her mind and calm her fears, Anna does, however, do everything for Lucie). logical since they really are the only ones they have in the world. 

Once grown, Lucie goes looking for sweet revenge. She stumbles across an unsuspecting family and pulls out her shotgun. Ruthlessly, efficiently she shoots them all down. Next Lucie calls Anna and tells her that they were the ones who abused her in the time she was locked up.

However, you can rest assured and believe that, that's not even the tip of the iceberg. 'Martyrs' has so many plots turns that, that does not even give an idea of what the film is about. Too much is happening and your mouth too often falls open from astonishment. However, this is something that you have to see yourself, I just can't describe it. 

One can even wonder if it does the film justice to straightforwardly discuss it in a review. Words alone can not describe what an experience this movie is: 'Martyrs' is horrible, deadly, shocking, violent, merciless, monstrous, insane, macabre, hostile ... yes maybe even malicious.

Yet all these words are lacking. For the reason,  that 'Martyrs' is too much an experience, an experience and, above all, a calculated,  well landed, hard, and painful punch in the face of the viewer. The shock that it leaves is indescribable by a pen.

The roles are filled in by French actresses Morjana Alaoui (Anna) and Mylène Jampanoï. (Lucie) They were pretty unknown actresses at the time because they didn't come out of Hollywood. According to the director, it was difficult to find actresses who wanted to play these roles because of the difficult subject. After reading the script, the ladies must have been convinced and said yes.

They deliver convincing acting, it seems to me that they were heavy roles to play, especially because they have to act so intensely that they really do look pained and desperate. The duo is beaten, kicked, starved and humiliated in a variety of ways. The severe pain they undergo can be read in their faces and it seems as though they are really undergoing the misery. 

This movie is not the French answer to 'Saw' and 'Hostel'. This film goes far beyond that. 'Saw' and 'Hostel' were films with a lot of torture, but resembling an episode of an average children's series compared to this. The difference is that 'Martyrs' itself is a martyrdom to go through. 

You are not safe in your chair looking at others who are tortured but are yourself part of that torture. Therein lies the difference. Even comparing this film with the ones targeted at the American audience is almost a shame (not that they aren't good films, they're just not the same in degree of intensity and can't really be compared) it seems that it once again was Europe that went more risqué, but in this case, it paid off. That being said, the in Europe big fat 18+ rating on the cover is utterly deserved, in America, here’s no doubt in my mind that it’s an R.

What the film is, is an extremely violent view of the world. A film that is still painfully up-to-date. A film that flawlessly embodies what makes us instinctively afraid, it has everything that you're parents have ever warned you about. 

Not that long ago, masked murderers preying on innocent teenagers terrorised us and caused the light to stay on at night. Today, the images of Marc Dutroux and Josef Fritzl are reflected on our collective memory. However, there was rarely a film that depicts this fear so visually and horribly.

Reading that could give the impression that this is a quick shock therapy, creating a sort of macabre circus. There may be some films like 'Saw' and 'Hostel' that to some extent do that, but 'Martyrs' is too intelligent for that.

"Martyrs" is not afraid to throw in, in addition to a lot of current issues some troublesome philosophical questions as well, especially the question of how far we want to go to get to know the truth.

It also turns out to be a question that is being asked directly to the viewer, because how far do you actually want to go to discover how the film ends? The film does not show any mercy and asks for more and more of the viewer's endurance. You’re forgiven if you look away, this film is without question unbearable and utterly heartbreaking...

As mentioned, 'Martyrs' is not ordinary torture porn. It comes much closer to being the Last House on the Left and Texas Chainsaw Massacre of this generation. Just as groundbreaking. Equally shocking. Equally horrible. Equally disgusting. Equally confronting.

As it kept going I got more and more furious, teary eyed and scared all at once It almost made me wanna scream at one point, I couldn’t stand it anymore, it just made wanna get a cold shower, to rinse off all the disgustingness and inhumanity but screaming at a tv is futile right? It made me think: this gross, sick shit should not exist, it should never have been made, ever!!! This kind of was the sentiment at a certain moment:

WHY THE FUCK DOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS EXIST???!!! WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON IN THIS MAN’S MIND???!!!, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY AGAIN FUCKING WHY???!!! AND WHO THE FUCK GETS OFF ON THIS SICK SHIT???!!!

Sorry but I couldn’t control myself, I just had to scream at y’all for a minute, a normal tone does not suffice to express my level of emotion right now. I’m Sorry for all the fucks too... Well not really, but I’m almost sorry for not being sorry. ;)

But you know the horrible, haunting truth I realised then? And that I wish I hadn’t, and almost made me wish I could go back to being an innocent, careless five-year-old girl? When my biggest worry was whether I was gonna get that chocolate cookie I liked so much or not, yeah huge fucking deal...

That almost nothing that happens in Martyrs is impossible. That reality is often crueller than fiction, the human psyche is capable of everything; some human beings are or can be the ultimate monster on the face of the earth, some of us are the monsters under each other’s bed.

But my ultimate conclusion? I’m probably not gonna want to watch it again in this lifetime, it’s already unforgettable, unforgiving, punishing and traumatic enough and that doesn’t even sum it up... This film is disgusting, it simply is. I hate it. I absolutely hate it with every fibre of my being, or maybe I don’t hate the film but what I saw. But that's precisely the reason some part of me liked it as well, it sounds twisted I know but there's a logic behind it: 

Sometimes it's nice to be reminded of the limits of our conscience. How insensitive are we? How far can we let ourselves go? What can we handle? When do we start to wish we could look away? Or wish that we could intervene to make something stop? Even when a part of us realises perfectly well that it's not real... 

When does the mind begin to disconnect fact and fiction? When do you start to feel guilty for perhaps being completely desensitised? For not feeling anything? When do you become ashamed of yourself for that?

When do you wish you had a stronger emotional response? it's also likely that apart from experiencing or questioning yourself about these questions you’ll also find yourself relieved to feel, to be repulsed, to respond humanely. These are all things that intrigue me and maybe that is morbid, and I admit that but I just call it “being interested in the human psyche”. 

'Martyrs' is one of the films that can help you explore that, but still from the safety of your sofa, if you want to stop the ordeal you can, just turn off your TV or take out the Disc of the player. It’s a film that’s very likely to stay with you for a while after watching, and that could give you very strong yes possibly even scary emotions. 

That’s why I’d urge that it’s best to watch it in the afternoon or early evening and not before you go to sleep, and not because you're a child and have to go to bed early (then you shouldn't watch this) but because it’s likely you just might not sleep whatever age you are.

So I’d suggest getting yourself comfortable, making yourself some nice coffee or tea for yourself or whatever your poison is. And if you also wish to lock every window and every door in your house, or if you get the irrepressible urge to look over your shoulder more than once I'm absolutely not judging you! Been there done that. 

'Martyrs' is the kind of film I'd thought I'd never be able to sit trough, and a few years ago I know I wouldn't have been able to and part of me would have said, fuck this shit is gross I don't have to sit through this, I don't want to sit through this! Get it the hell away from me! And if you don't get it the hell away from, me, I'm going to get it the hell away from me. 

It's the kind of film that if I had found someone else watching it would have made me go, eww what the hell are you watching, what is that?! Why are you watching that? That's nasty! What are you getting out of that? Followed by some I don't understand why you're watching that. 

And part of me even if I now can watch it, still feels that way; and that's what I ultimately found rewarding and relieving about it, that it is one of those films that literally puts you face to face with your own humanity, and sometimes that's unpleasant and painful as hell, sometimes it's uncomfortable, confronting; it makes you feel bad, even ashamed. 

Think of coming face to face with a wild animal and being able to observe it safely, yet still being completely blown away by it even overwhelmed by the notion that it is stronger than you and could finish you if it wanted to. 

That's what watching 'Martyrs' felt like for me you're acutely aware of how vulnerable you can be, how fragile, how easily impressions are left on the mind, and how long they can stay there if they go away at all, how quickly you can feel afraid, panicked, repulsed, but also of how strong you are, how much a human mind and body can take before it crumbles. 

The admirable thing in all of this and its ultimate strength lies in the fact, that it always sides with its heroines, everything is seen from their point of view, unlike some horror films it doesn't shift it's point of view into that of the tormentors ever.

The last thing the film would want is that you could summon some kind of sympathy or understanding for these people, as they are utterly inhuman. It explains their actions, but it does not excuse them or make them human, it doesn't go for the classical and cliche "he or she had severe mental problems and just lost it, or something traumatic happened in the past" and that usually gives some sort of catharsis and release you can let go, you can relax, you can breathe. 

This illustrates that some people simply are sadistic without reason because they can and more precisely because they just want to hurt other people for their own pleasure and are very aware of what they are inflicting, they just don't care that is the uncomfortable truth, (two other films that do this exceptionally well are The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Hush).

It forever urges us to sympathise with the heroines to feel, to look at what’s happening to them and to feel it as if it were being done directly to you, and 'Martyr's is one of those rare films that does succeed in transferring what it's characters feel onto the audience, that's one of the reasons that make watching it such an intense, emotional, sometimes very difficult experience. 

We watch not from a distanced lens, but through being close to them, from one of kindness and humanity, to see how cruel the violence is, to find our ability for compassion, our humanity. It’s one of the few films, that have almost made me feel ashamed to be a human being. 

Because it genuinely hurt to see what human beings can do to each other human beings and that it can create that sentiment of true repulsion and at the same compassion gives it more heart and soul than some similar films, very few horror films have made me cry this one I will say without shame is one of them. 

Yet while it is as I said disgusting and I don't really like this film, I really don't, you just don't like 'Martyrs'. You can like what it is trying to convey through its violence, but you very likely won't like what you're seeing, you just won't. 

It is still very well made, it's atmosphere of fear and coldness is meticulously crafted even through its simplicity and it's acting is for the genre simply insanely strong and I truly do mean insanely so, these women are heroines for wanting to act in this.

Even if I could act and got offered who knows how many Dollars for it, I’d probably still not do it, because I’m a scaredy cat, I don't like submitting myself to pain when I don't have to and there’s no doubt that these roles didn’t inflict some kind of mental pain on its actresses.

You see that they must have had truly well-armed convictions, that they truly believed in the power of the film, otherwise you just don't do that to yourself, I just can't believe you would... (unless your name is Leonardo Dicaprio and you’re just dying for the oscar) Or you’re insane. You’d have to just really blindly trust the director or you’d have to be afraid of the person standing in front of you.

I’d say essentially it is an essential film for every true horror fan because it confronts us with our own humanity or a part of our own possible inhumanity and it does it in an extreme way; if you are positively comfortable while watching 'Martyrs' and don’t even flinch once, It’s maybe possible you may need psychological help, or you've just watched one too many horror films, and they finally no longer have any effect whatsoever, but still here's a film where you'll truly feel relieved to be afraid at least once. 

Enough talk now, I do want to include the article that finally made want to face it, The Telegraph considered it the best horror film of the 21st century, I may not necessarily agree entirely but It’s an excellently written article, and I included an another one that I particularly like: 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/film/what-to-watch/martyrs-2008-pascal-laugier/

http://www.btchflcks.com/2014/09/martyrs-female-friendships-can-be-bloody-complex.html#.WPx_GneZMdV

“It's so easy to create a victim, young lady, so easy. You lock someone in a dark room. They begin to suffer. You feed that suffering. Methodically, systematically and coldly. And make it last. Your subject goes through a number of states. After a while, their trauma; that small, easily opened crack, makes them see things that don't exist.”

[deythbanger]

It's Not A Happy (Part 2)

By DeYtH Banger Note: Finally I am going to finish the story… it's time! … I don't know from where to start gender male,white skin… I hate comedy… I hate going out.. A killer come and has shooten a bitch.. This line sucks and I as a writer suck! It's not a happy story, if you are looking for such one you got the wrong section ... brand the writer. Just give a thought, I have pleny of time… so here is what I can tell you the story ends with me shooting myself right in the head, end of procrastination… end of laziness. So far I am lazy snob, mentally fucked up, I can't go out and I have guns… I like to play with holes. But still I don't know how to start how to shape a story, I don't know how to say it… I AM NOT LIEING… I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY IT It's a comedy or something funny, my name is David and the story goes around "Red Velvet Girl", it bothers me around, it's not like the Dexter TV show in which he cuts of pieces in each season humans are exposed like piece of meat, chunks of meat… he takes blood splatter and that's his trophy, easy story and easy to get. Then we go to R.L. Stine it starts with boring day… until.. a sudden chill… thrill comes and then the characters find their journey into a end comming. Stephen King when you start reading books written by this creature from hell… he fucking grabs you on the neck.. palms… he makes to shake while you are confused on "what that line means?", "what does that mean?"… It's total unease… Still I don't know how to say it… I know what happen, it's definetly my fault, I can't sleep… I can't eat.. I can't go out… I can't go and do casual stuff, my life has reached it's pin point of hardness, if it's comedy you throw lines abd tell stuff … then you "size it up", which means you become the big deal… then you go with motto fuck the big deal. Here is what happen… I think I can say what happen.. I was sleeping one night until I wake up from the noises from other room, the other room was a near room… roaring shit… my mom had gone insane… my grandmother and grandfather were beating each other as for my father he was in the kitchen. Blood on the floor, smell from his smelling dead body and it started melt,... just to stand with the point it had nothing to do with him, I didn't told him to come and shoot himself... I didn't told him that, if somebody is here to blame it's the noises from the room once silence does not appear other type of alternatives come and open doors, the gun in his hands… mouth open and blooding gashing from his mouth, head… my dog barking and as for me screamming. PROBABLY YOU GOT THE SYMPHONY, right here… of you are killer and you have descipline weak mind... terror, won't happen.. but to me it happen. I went in the room and created the most empty space silence… by me grabbing the weapon and shooting my mom… my grandmotger and my grandfather. After a moment it felt great, it was like the best bright day I ever had and will have, free from trauma, from average mindset, from fucked up complaining about work, life, money. The last topics I hate them! Better off to put a rope around a dog and throw somebody from the window, than to listen to a some kinda bitchy shield attitude toward life. Life is short, the amount you get in the end is not fair, I definetly raped a girl… it was't my daughter… it was nobody… Look people if it's my daughter it gets personal. The one of the rules of killing is depersonalize from people which you have killed, it lowers guilt levels. From psychology stand point it's fucking damn right as bright as bright early sunny beach. My mom was a bitch that's why I killed her... okay… okay probably I was wrong, probably it was the most bad idea ever come to my mind, killing my mom… first of all I am number one suspect and with raping shit, probably I am on the list and people are hunting me down.. searching me.. and how the fuck do you dispose a dead body!? Am I only fucked up? Dear reader, tell me... tell me that you have nights in which you feel like to rape and kill... and to molest and to slaughter people and to cut... and to shoot people... just tell me... My body is weak and my mind is buffering... it's like a black and whited glitched tv... it's bugged... I am mentally screw it up, the last thing which I want on the list is somebody telling me that I did wrong... them more I rationalize the more I fucked up, I get... so close the window... continue and please promise to don't judge me... I did a conffesion... I did it for my own good... but still it makes me selfish... or am I? That's how life goes it starts and it ends… my mom life ended with sudden flash as for others… people it just happen… it was chain reaction. Guilt level start pumping in ….. and out… in ….. and out… in ….. and out… in ….. and out… in ….. and out… in ….. and out… in ….. and out… in ….. and out… in ….. and out… in ….. and out… in ….. and out… in ….. and out… it was an anxiety... it was a deep oven... inside me... at first it was great... then it felt bad... it felt like a hangover... it was awful that I need to deal with being less suspicious, to clean up the scene and get together my life… this shit is just too much… If I try to kill myself, it''s a bad idea… one sperm loses capacity to reproduce, probably I am going to get it wrong… That's why I need to throw myself on the rail tracks… that's how it's going to happen… A train goes over my body… then on television I am going to be a superstar and after a period I am on the wall of "Shame On You". I gave a second thought, why not to get some kinda virus from sex... and now really it's again a bad a idea... to go and to suffer because of reproduction... what.. if somebody shoots me ... or somedy kills me... still a deep inner suffering is going to come to action... give a thought... all negative action by itself are self-destructive and self... screwing up... that you don't see.. it doesn't mean you don't feel!.... "Oh… hey David How are you?" - He said "Larry, how far did you got with this questions?" - I said "What?" - He said I hate this people walking outside looks like their shit is together, got a home… got a wife, family. Have where to sleep eat and even to work. It makes me to hate myself… but still the dead bodies… how about this… what the hell am I going to with them. How about throwing myself out of a bridge, I won't get married so it's not far… I hate fat people … I hate and Larry to be honest… If I kill myself, I need to leave a note as a reason… as "why"… "main reason…", "Motivation by which I was drive to this sudden  action"… How about fuck you?… This looks great, I am carefree and Ibdon't give a fuck… mode… I hate letters when I start giving a thought… I am thinking better off being alive, dieing is to hard it reminds for homework… I hate it! "Eh… schmuck … eh.. David" - He said "What now, Johnson?.. what do you want?"-  I said "I am here to fuck with you" - He Said Oh god… save me from this disgusting guy… he is always fucking with me… I am going to skip the other shame tactics.. and go to my next location, why nobody goes to bar and thinks about sex from rape method? Was it a punchline? Was it a good line? Is it funny? I think it sucks.. so does you!? But let me tell you something about the Red Velvet girl it was in the night, she was walking, almost naked… she was definetly a hot stripper, blonde hair, white and not touched face and body. From distance her looks were fooling pleny of people, a mouth full ways to break a man hearth and why does she have a privillige to fuck around with males with man, who allows her? I saw her and I went … to her… it was a sudden chat… fast one… gazing in the eyes then pulling her and putting her in my car while I mumble some shitty stuff which make her mind feel busy… okay you got me here.. I am not a talkative person.. I am not dominant that's why I went to a strip tease bar .. killed the security after entering the bar and I said "LET THE FUN BEGIN" I put a weapon right im the head of the blonde bitch and I said "You suck… my dick right now.." "No…" - she said "Look bitch I am not joking…" - I said Then shooted one stripper and while she was getting to lose concious… I open her mouth and I put my dick inside it.. "Bitches… moves" - I said "Stop… … okay… I am going to do it" - she said I pulled her .. stripped off her and I started fucking her… once… twice… mouth.. ass Mouth.. in out and in and out ... in and out Her eyes were full of tears she was screaming… I was loving the process, what more complimentary than raping precious mother nature? As most people say... "love the process"... yeah I love it... if I didn't love it... won't be here... saying something for which I am proud! "Stay still bitch… I am here to fuck.. okay… Your pain is your problem." -  I said I hate when people move what's wrong with them.. she did it one more time movement as for slightly tired and wasted… I looked her in tge eyes.. I spit on her face and then chocked her and I said "No more rejections to sell" But it worries few dead bodies at home and probably right now you gonna call the police it's like I am killing the president.. few more here bodies and I am totally fucked up. I grabbed and pulled in more girl, she was easy.. to get to… and to start the make out… She was good until I decided to pull the gun out and shoot her in the head. "Bitch… dices lie…" - I said Why did I do so wrong? Mhm… how about like no reason at all … guilt levels is up.. I am going definetly on the executing chair so why not to have fun… the other people were staring at me… there were around 20 more strippers and as for me I was with open mouth and a smile and before I decided to continue … I said "Let's have fun, shall we?"