#like the fact that im afraid to go back to work tomorrow

[kat651]

Emotion (Haldir x reader)

Word count: 1591

You had been in lorien for a little over a year when you found yourself falling hard for the marchwarden. You tried your best to hide your feelings, not wanting him or anyone else to know. It seemed to work quite well until one day…

You heard a horn and looked up to see the elves returning from patrol, Haldir in the lead as usual. He looked exhausted and grumpy. Well, more grumpy than usual after a day of work. You frowned and went over to greet them as they came closer.

As you neared, Halidir didn't exactly smile, but his face did lift a bit when he saw you. You greeted him by bowing your head and extending your hand from your heart. A common elven greeting. He nodded, acknowledging your greeting. 

After a moment of hesitation you joined him as he made his way back to his chambers. “Long day,” you asked softly as the two of you walked. 

Haldir nodded. “The goblins are getting bolder. They attack more often and in larger numbers. They have drawn too close to our borders… im afraid we will have to double our efforts, get more of us out there to fight them back into the mountain where they came from.”

You frowned. “It must be tiring, fighting to keep all of lorien safe.”

Haldir nodded, agreeing with you.

“What if you found a way to seal off the exit? Trap the goblins inside?” you asked.

“We tried, they have more than one way out of that mountain… i fear they may end up hurting someone before we have a way to remove them.”

“Have you brought this to the council?”

He nodded. “They are working on a solution.”

You frowned and walked in silence for a moment. 

“Haldir?” you asked, unable to bear not knowing any longer.

“Yes?” 

You let out a breath. “Does it bother you that I walk with you every day? If you would prefer to be left alone with your thoughts i-”

Haldir gently cut you off. “No, mellon, it doesn't bother me at all. In fact I look forward to your happy greeting after a tiring day.”

You smiled. “Oh, i'm glad, i was worried i was bothering you.”

“And where would you get an idea like that?” haldir asked.

You shrugged. “People talk…”

“Well, don't pay them any attention, they are wrong.”

You smiled and stoped outside his door. “Well, i guess i come to bother you tomorrow,” you said in a joking manner.

Haldir did not laugh.

You turned to leave when he grabbed your hand, causing you to pause and turn, looking at his hand and he let go of yours. You immediately took notice that his gloves were completely worn through, causing small blisters to begin forming from the use of his bow. “What is it?” you asked, looking up and making a mental note that you should make him a new pair of gloves before his hands got any worse.

He shook his head. “Oh, nevermind…”

“I- ok…” you said, turning to leave. “You know where to find me if you need anything,” you said as you went back to your workbench to start on those gloves.

.-.-.

You rose earlier than normal and put on a cloak to shield you from the morning cold. You then snatched the gloves you’d spent all of last night making before running out the door, hoping you had gotten up early enough. 

You ran quickly through lorien, determined to stop Haldir before he left for patrol. You saw the group leaving and ran faster. “Haldir!” you called as you ran.

Hearing his name, Haldir paused and turned to see who was calling him. When he saw you his confusion escalated. You were a night owl, not an early bird. He feared something was terribly wrong. “y/n is everything alright?” he asked, walking over to you as you paused to catch your breath. 

You nodded and smiled shily, holding out the gloves to him. “I uh…” you took another breath, trying to ignore the group of elves watching you. “Yesterday i noticed your gloves were worn so i-i made you a new pair,” you said, trying hard not to blush. 

Haldir smiled and gingerly took the gloves. “Thank you, y/n…” he said.

You smiled up at him. “I hope they fit…” you said softly.

Haldir slipped them on and nodded. “They do…”

You tried to stifle a yawn but failed. 

Haldir chuckled. “Go back to bed, y/n,” he said softly.

You nodded and waved as you went back the way you had come.

Once you were out of earshot, Remli spoke up. “She likes you,” he said as the group began walking again.

Haldir stopped admiring the gloves and looked up. “You think?”

“And by the looks of it you feel the same,” Ferin said, joining the conversation. 

Haldir colored and cleared his throat. “I do not,” he said. “What would give you that notion?”

“Haldir the two of you see each other every day, she goes out of her way to greet you when you get back from patrol, and just a moment ago you were looking at her as if she was the only thing that mattered in the world,” Remli said with enthusiasm. 

“And can we acknowledge the fact that she blushes every time she sees you?” Ferin added.

“You should ask her out.”

“Yeah, just imagine it.”

“No, I will do no such thing.”

“Why not?” they asked in unison.

“My duties lie here, not wondering whether y/n may feel the same or not.”

“Oh so you do like her?”

“I didn't say that.”

“You just said you couldn't worry about whether she felt the same or not…” Ferin said.

“I did?”

“Yes!”

Haldir was silent.

“Just pay attention to the way she acts next time you see her.” Remli said. “Maybe invite her inside for once.”

The day seemed to pass in slow motion for Haldir. Every minute felt like an hour. 

When the patrol did finally come to an end, Haldir sighed with relief and walked a little faster than normal. At this point he was desperate to see you. 

You sat at your workbench, carefully working on a saddle when you heard a horn blast. You jumped to your feet and ran out the door you didn't want to be late.

When you arrived, everyone was making their way home. Except for Haldir, he stood, clearly searching for someone. You realized with a flutter of your heart that he was looking for you.

You gently tapped his shoulder and he turned around. “I know I'm late, I'm sorry…” 

Haldir smiled softly. “It's alright y/n…”

You tried to fight the blush growing on your cheeks.

This time Haldir did notice it and his smile widened. He offered you his arm, something he seldom did which caused the blush on your face to grow. You shyly linked your arm with his.

“Thank you again for the gloves, they did wonders.”

You smiled. “Well i- i couldn't just leave you to get blisters all over your hands now could i?”

Haldir smiled, Feren and Remli were right, he did love you and it was quite evident you felt the same.

Once the two of you arrived at haldir’s chambers, you stopped outside his door as usual. 

Haldir opened the door and asked you inside, you blushed and accepted his invitation. 

“Just give me a moment to change out of this and ill be right back,” he said, disappearing around the corner. 

You stood, surprised by how welcoming the room was. You smiled and looked around there were a few random items scattered among the books he had on a shelf. You walked closer studying the items with curiosity. 

Suddenly, there was an arm around your middle which caused you to gasp. “You startled me,” you said softly.

There was no answer. 

“Haldir?” you whispered softly, curiosity in your voice.

He gently turned you to face him before he pulled you to his chest, wrapping both arms around you. You stood stiff for a moment before letting yourself relax into his embrace. You tried to remember ever seeing Haldir show anyone affection. You failed. 

“y/n,” he whispered. 

“Yes?”

He released you from the hug but let his hands rest on your hips. He then leaned forward, placing his head between your collar and jaw. “I love you,” he mumbled.

You blushed madly and put your arms around him. “I love you too,” you whispered, placing a kiss on his head. “I have for quite some time…”

He lifted his head and gently placed a kiss on your cheek. “May I court you?” he asked softly.

You nodded, tears filling your eyes. “Yes…”

Haldir tilted your chin up and slowly leaned down, pressing his lips gently on yours. 

You melted into the kiss and lifted your hands to his hair before pulling him a little closer. 

Haldir pulled away but allowed his forehead to rest against yours. “It took Remli and Ferin’s teasing for me to realize just how much i love you.” 

You smiled. “Mmm, you must remind me to thank them for that…” you whispered.

Haldir chuckled. “Your just as bad as they are,” he teased, kissing you again. “Goodness, your more addicting than wine from mirkwood…” he whispered in your ear.

You were now a very deep shade of red and you knew it. 

Haldir kissed your nose. “ I love you… don't ever forget it…”

[depressopax]

Hello!! I cannot get enough of your Dale Cooper fics and i was wondering if could request a little something? I was thinking either they/them or ftm reader (your choice) that is sharing a bed with Cooper at the Great Northern. They are partners who have been pining after each other for a while now, and reader ends up having a wet dream while laying next to him. Maybe Cooper wakes them up and as they are fumble around trying to apologize, he confesses his crush? It could lead to soft smut or even something more desperate between the two.

Im just spitballing here, i just can't stop thinking about Dale sitting all flustered next to his partner in bed😭

Thank you!!!

Hi there anon! Thank you for your request, and I'm sorry it took me so long to write this! It's been a while, but if you see this - I hope you like it! Have a good day <3

Pairing: Dale Cooper x gender neutral reader Genre: Smut & fluff Warning(s): Smut BUT with plot, cuss words, Dale being a slut for reader, sexual tension. Reader is gender-neutral (they/them pronouns!) Words: 1.6k Summary: Dale’s reaction to reader having a wet dream about him. English is not my main language, if I make any spelling mistakes please let me know so I can improve my writing! <3 || AO3 link || Masterlist || Request ||

Dreams come true

Fandom - Twin Peaks

Dale Cooper x gn!reader

“Dale…” 

He’s just lying there on the double bed, afraid to move a muscle in case you wake up. It feels like the moans are filling the room. It’s hard to do anything - think, move, fall back asleep. He’s relieved the room is so dark and hides the fact he’s a blushing mess. 

“Dale…” you murmur, your sleepy voice laced in arousal. In the dream, you’re making out. He’s touching you in all the right places, causing your body to arch up into his palm, desperate for more. More, Dale�� 

Whilst you’re in pure heaven, the sleep occupied by the wet dream, Cooper feels like he’s stuck in a nightmare. You’re dreaming of him and moaning his name. He’s the reason you’re visibly turned on right now, and it drives him crazy.  Yet, there’s nothing he can do, but listen… 

His mind is torn between Just wake them up - and let them dream for a bit more… 

Yesterday, the two of you arrived at the Town of Twin Peaks. Entering the Great Northern caused you to gasp, never having been at a fancy hotel like this before - for free. Being a special agent has it’s perks sometimes. Dale chuckled.

“Hey… You’re gonna catch flies if you keep your mouth open like that.” 

You were quick to close your mouth, which you had not realized was hanging open from awe. 

“Shut up, Coop.” you had replied with a grin, nudging him to the side. Finding the reception desk took a while, both of you were too impressed with the hotel, and even got lost whilst exploring the big lobby. The receptionist greeted you with a kind smile and Cooper talked for the both of you.

You are co-workers, both part of the FBI and currently working on the complex Laura Palmer case. 

“Ah, Mr. Cooper. I’m very sorry, but it seems like the booking is for one room only.” Your heart had stopped momentarily. “We are very sorry, and will fix you another room by tomorrow. Would sharing rooms be okay for the two of you, only for tonight?” 

Dale looked at you, and if you saw it right, he was flustered too. 

“Yea. That’s fine.” you had replied, with a dry voice.

Next shock came once settled in the fancy room, decorated with dark tree furnitures, red rugs and armchairs, and a king sized bed in the middle. Double bed. 

“I uhh… I can sleep on the floor, if you want.” Dale offered. There was nothing more you wanted than to tell him it was ok, and that you could share bed. But the look on his face, and the confusing feelings within you made you answer without thinking twice: “Yea. That’d be great.” 

“So.. Let’s leave the bags here and head down to the police station, yea?” Dale desperately tried changing subjects, something you were relieved over.

“Yes, let’s go.”

By the end of the day, and after dinner at a cozy café called Double R Diner, you arrived at the hotel room. 

“That was some damn good coffee!” 

You couldn’t help but find Dale’s enthusiasm adorable, loving the way his dark eyes light up whenever he speaks about something he’s passionate about. 

“You and your coffee.” you shook your head and he chuckled.

“I don’t know… You seemed to like it, too! And I’m not forgiving you for stealing a bite of my cherry pie!”

“It was your second slice! And I didn’t know you’d return from the bathroom so damn quickly!”

“I caught you red handed!”

“What are you gonna do about it, Coop?” you cooed. His face heated up and he let out a nervous laughter. 

“That’s the question, huh?” He swallowed hard. Fuck, why do they make me so nervous? His gaze landed on the smile on your lips. God, their lips look so soft. 

“Coop?” your voice woke him from the trance. 

“Sorry. I’m tired.” his hands were shaking as he unlocked the door to the hotel room, and he hoped you didn't notice. But you did. 

So came the night. You sat up in bed and watched Dale twist and turn on the couch, with a blanket thrown over him. 

“Coop?” 

“Hmm?” He looked at you, trying to not look down at that adorable pajamas you were wearing. Be a gentleman. He thought, whilst fighting the complicated feelings within. 

“Are you alright over there?”

“Yea.” A fake smile. The bed looks so comfortable. 

You sighed.

“Dale. This is ridiculous. We’re both grown-ups. I’m sure we can share a bed.” 

His heart skipped a beat. Shit, shit, shit. 

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

“You could never make me uncomfortable.” And you meant it. Besides, the thought of sleeping next to him made your body heat up. As he finally climbed up in the king sized bed next to you, both your hearts beat in union, unaware of the effect you had on each other. 

“Big day ahead of us tomorrow.”

“Yea. This case is tricky.” Dale frowned.

“Nothing we can’t solve. Together.”

The last part almost came out like a whisper. Dale smiled in reply. 

“Together.”

Only two hours later, he lies wide awake. So much for a good night's sleep. He clutches the blanket tighter around him, as if trying to hide the growing erection from his own gaze. Just wake them up. 

“Fuck…” you murmur, and turn around in sleep. You turn sideways, now facing him. Oh god. Your lips slightly parted, soft moans escaping your mouth. Dale stares in awe. He feels like a fucking creep, but oh, you look so damn beautiful. The blanket covering your body moves with the rise and falls of your chest. His gaze wanders down. He wonders if you’re wet, from thinking of him. If the blanket makes your body warm and sweaty. He wonders… He sits up quickly. I can’t do this. Fuck. 

Dale thinks he’s being quiet, that you’re a heavy sleeper. But the sound of him moving makes you blink your eyes open. 

“Coop?” your voice is hoarse from sleep, confusion lacing it. 

He sits on the side of the bed, his feets on the floor, and hands resting in his lap. 

What is… You blush up. Shit. The dream. Wet dream. Did he hear it? You feel like sinking into the floor from humiliation. Fuck fuck, fuck! 

Dale doesn’t turn around, despite hearing your voice. So soft, so sleepy. 

“I’m sorry…” you whisper. Covering your face in your palms, you try gathering your thoughts. Your body still feels warm, sweaty and tingly, down there. Fuck. “Sorry.” 

You repeat, and this time, Dale turns around. A twinge of anxiety courses through him when he sees you. You look so embarrassed, so guilty.

“Hey… Hey…” 

His voice is soft now. He turns his body around to face you. He hopes you won’t notice the bulge through the thin fabric of his pajama pants. With a gentle yet firm movement, he grabs your hands and pulls them away, revealing your red face to him. His soft brown eyes gazes into yours and it feels like the world stops spinning. He’s so damn beautiful. You wish you could trace your fingers over that sharp jawline, and feel his lips all over you. 

“Don’t say sorry. Alright? You have nothing to be sorry about, dear.”

You believe him. He’s always honest, even when you wish he weren’t. But this time, it feels good. The only sound in the room is the ticking clock on the wall, and the mangled breaths from you and Dale. 

“You’re beautiful.” he murmurs. The shock on your face quickly turns into admiration.

“So are you.” 

“And… I’m honored to be part of your dreams. Especially those dreams.” he chuckles, and a smile spreads across your face. It warms his heart. “I like you, a lot.”

“Dale, I swear to god… If I’m still dreaming-”

His lips press against yours. They feel soft and smooth - perfect - against yours. Like they were meant to be together. 

“You’re not dreaming.” to prove his point further, he pinches your cheek. You giggle and pinch his nose back. “...And I’m not dreaming either. That’s good.” 

You lean forward again, feeling his smile against your lips as you kiss again. This time, you slip your tongue in his mouth. A muffled moan escapes his lips, and you feel more hot and bothered than before. This isn’t a dream. It was, but now it’s reality. You cup Dale’s face and bring him down with you when lying in bed. He props himself up, on top of you, one elbow on each side of you.

“I like you too, by the way.” you whisper. Dale looks at you with heavy lid eyes. He looks so damn dreamy. 

“I’m glad.” The next kiss is more demanding, and he presses his body down against yours. Now, you feel the bulge press against your lower abdomen, and it makes you gasp. 

“Sorry…” he whispers.

“Don’t say sorry, alright?” You say, repeating his words. He chuckles and looks at you with admiration. But he also looks shy.

“Can I touch you?” he asks hoarsely, almost pleading to feel you. All of you.

“Please.” 

He pulls the covers from your body, and his hands explore your body, the touch feather light. Everywhere. Every inch. When his hand slides into your pants, and down to your groin, you moan his name softly. 

“Dale…” you gasp.

“I’m here, dear. And I’m not going anywhere.” 

With that, he trails wet kisses down your body, and everything else fades. Only this time, it’s real.

Some dreams do come true.

ANDDDD there we go! My first fic in like two months YAY Thank you all for supporting me and for waking my account up from the dead with your kind words and fun requests LOL <3 If you liked this, feel free to reblog and comment! Love y'all

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Holy crap I’m loving your writing! Im especially obsessed with Ken and the ranch owner

I’m wondering if you’d be willing to do an fem human reader x Ken where the reader gets a bit sick, nothing too serious but Ken absolutely freaks out and thinks the reader is dying or sum (he learned about death from Stero Barbie. Also spiders. He’s terrified of both) and the reader thinks it’s a bit funny so she’s like “yeah I’m dying” but then he gives her the most terrified and sad kicked puppy look and she has to explain that it’s just a cold lol

Awh thank you!! Im glad that ppl still love my barbie movie stuff even though barbie summer has come and gone 💔

........

There were only two things that Ken feared after beginning his new life in the Real World:

One is the mortality of humans, as Barbie told him all about how fragile their lives were and the two paths they were given: either growing old and dying peacefully in their beds, or some terrible occurrence cutting it short long before their time on this earth was up.

The second was spiders.

He especially hated the spiders.

You only recently discovered he had that fear after finding one of those 8-legged critters in your house--or more specifically in his room, where he came barreling out from as though he accidentally set something on fire.

At first, you thought he really did start a fire until he dragged you back into there, begging you to get rid of the "strange beast".

You had no clue what he could possibly be referring to....and then he pointed to the corner, where a little cellar spider sat completely unbothered, weaving its web.

In that moment, you realized you may have turned him arachnophobic, considering you did show him one insect-themed horror movie this past Halloween. He kept freaking out over it potentially growing horse-sized or injecting venom into his bloodstream when he was asleep.

But despite you assuring him neither of those things could happen (and insisting that the spider was more afraid of him), Ken refused to go into the room until it was gone.

You find it hard to fathom that this same doll who led an entire revolt, came to terms with his own identity crisis, and bravely made the transition to humanity....was totally inconsolable in the presence of a tiny bug.

Then again, maybe showing him that movie--and allowing Barbie to explain why arachnophobia was among the top fears humans had--was a huge mistake.

Regardless, you made it your mission to get rid of the critter.

Oddly enough Ken insisted that you didn't actually kill it, but you found you it sweet that he valued its life despite it scaring the shit out of him. So you contained it in a cup, putting a napkin underneath it before releasing it outside.

After that, you mentioned how most people usually killed spiders and other pests that invaded their home.

He looked wildly uncomfortable at that fact, before he began talking about some rather... concerning things: like if the spider knew how short its lifespan was, how easily it could have been crushed, if it feared death or if it was even aware of it at all-

Before he could derail and start rambling about death itself too much, you stopped him, asking if he was feeling alright.

And he went quiet for a moment, before smiling and giving you a kiss, reassuring you he felt better.

Yet even as he left the room, he still appeared awful tense.

It was that day where you worried that it's more than just spiders he feared..

.......

"Babe, what's wrong? Are you sick??"

"...unfortunately, but it's nothing serious. Just a stupid cold I caught at work." Sighing tiredly, you sat up in bed, seeing Ken walk into the room.

He looked nothing short of horrified at how drained and exhausted you sounded this morning. "A-Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I don't want you to catch anything, so I'm sorry...but no kisses today."

"Then..what about tomorrow?"

You just rolled your eyes, drinking some tea you made for yourself. "Maybe, but we'll see if I wake up."

Although it was meant to be a little joke, your foggy brain forgot how seriously the blond often took jokes, and he rushed to your bedside, kneeling down.

His eyes were wide as he took your hand. "If you wake up??? Are you dying??"

Putting down your mug, you sighed once more, trying to figure out a way to remedy this situation before you upset him too much. "No....I mean I just feel like I'm dying, but.." You paused, noticing the tears coming to his eyes. "Ken?"

Now that he was a lot closer, you could see the utterly terrified look on his face--as though you kicked a puppy right in front of him.

Yep, it was already much too late. He was upset.

"I-I know tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone, but you have to get through this, [y/n]! Please..I can't lose you, too...not when you've done so much to help me." He was extremely close to crying, his lips trembling.

Your heart sunk as you placed a hand ober his own. "Oh honey, I was only kidding around when I say-"

"Why do humans joke about death so much? Don't they know y-you...you can't come back? That they have such short lives?? O-Or sure, some believe you can be reincarnated but that doesn't make it any-"

At this point, he was just blubbering nonsense, so you took him into your arms. And for a moment he fell silent, before burying his face into your chest, trying to calm himself down. "I-I'm sorry.."

"No, no..I'm sorry. You're right..I shouldn't be joking about death around you." Frowning slightly, you stroked his hair. "I promise I'm not dying. Not today, or tomorrow..not for a long, long time. This cold will pass and I'll feel better soon enough."

".....a-are these the irrepressible thoughts of death Barbie had?"

'Oh.'

It finally hit you.

He was going through the same thing she once did.

"Ken.." You had him sit up so you could see his face. Aside from it being a little red and his eyes puffy and watery, there were tear marks trailing down to the stubble that had formed along his jaw and chin. "Why didn't you tell me you were having those thoughts?"

Sniffling, he just shrugged. "I don't know. And... I don't know why I'm thinking them. Barbie could blame it on somebody who was playing with her, but...I can't. Because I'm not a doll anymore, I'm human....a-and...those were my thoughts alone." He shuddered, terrified at that realization. "I guess I just..didn't wanna scare you, b-but obviously it's too late for that..."

A small chuckle came from him, although it dissolved into a small sob as he wiped his eyes. "S-Sorry, I....I want these thoughts to just pass already."

"And they will." You nodded, squeezing his free hand reassuringly. "It looks like you're just experiencing them for the first time, and that's okay. They won't be all you think about. And you don't have to apologize for how you're feeling, as long as you're honest with me."

"Th-Thank you.." He sniffled. "I should be taking care of you, not the other way around. Do you need you anything? More tea? Meds? Anything at all?"

You smiled fondly, leaning forward to kiss him on the forehead. "You're all I need right now, sweetheart."

That response seemed to bring Ken's giddy old self back, as he smiled bashfully in return. He melted back into your arms when you wrapped them around him, and he listened to your heartbeat: the only assurance he needed that you were still living.

Eventually...those thoughts of death did pass him by, and he felt okay again.

[damnedifivoodoo]

vent post, feel free to ignore

my chiropractor who ive known longer than my closest friends, who has become a dear family friend in her own right, is retiring. I have my last appointment tomorrow and I'm bad with times of transition

no thanksgiving plans this year because the side of the family we used to visit stopped inviting us when that uncle passed, and mom and i are too unwell to cook

there was a sudden, unexpected death on my mothers side of the family

five months have passed and im no closer to answers about my mystery medical episode, and i feel the clock counting down to the point they write me off as a hypochondriac and stop searching

trying not to be swallowed with dread because every intrinsic part of me is going to come under fire in the new political landscape. struggling to reckon with the fact that at least four of the people closest to me voted in favor of an administration that will further disenfranchise me and everyone like me. sick every time they say they love me, because they only know the manicured version of me i present to them. i have known for a long time it is not safe or welcome to let them know the whole of me. even more sick that i have no choice but to minimize myself because i depend on them to even keep myself alive

fully on edge with the societal shift back to cruel shock-based humor, obsession with thinness and a resurgence of that pervasive, in-your-face, bully-you-into-compliance brand of american christianity that is reopening all my church wounds on a daily basis

spent 30 minutes crying while combing mats out of my hair because ive been too unwell mentally and physically to care for it or myself in the most basic of ways

too afraid to go back to therapy or seek treatment for this downward spiral because incoming government officials think neurodivergence and depression meds are an addiction worth sending someone to work farms over, and i cant afford the discrimination diagnoses would open me up to, medically or otherwise

too unwell and lacking the will, motivation and physical and mental capacity to do any sort of community building or organizing that might reduce the overwhelm of anxiety and existential horror.

In awe of the way i continually think im at my worst only to get buried even deeper. clinging desperately with everything i have to one last flickering mote of hope. i want joy. i want peace. i want to die. i want to live. i am so tired.

[gabapentinblues]

journal update 6.24.2025

feels like nothing will ever get better. maybe thats not the best way to start this off, but that's just how everything feels.

i applied for a job at the library i used to work at, but i truly have no hope for it. i worked there for less than a year, like six or seven years ago so i doubt it really matters anymore or that anyone cares. even if they do hire me im barely going to make any money and that will probably frustrate me a lot.

i could call the dispencary again today. that place seemed promising but not it really doesn't anymore. too much time has passed and im sure they hired someone else. im just annoyed and confused why i haven't heard anything.

i just feel unnecessary and unwanted.

i dont know how i'll ever find a job. it feels like it's going to take a really long time and that none of it will be worth it in the end. i have no idea what im going to end up doing or how i'll ever be able to afford anything, or move out again. it all feels impossible. i feel like i've ruined so many good things i used to have.

it's hard for me to make sense of the fact that someone wants to date me. that also feels impossible. it feels like it will never amount to anything and im just going to have to lose them both as friends eventually when it all goes to shit. i just dont think i'll be satisfied. i think i'll be upset and hurting over it all the time and that i'll have to end it and no one will understand why.

i dont even know how i'll ever have friends. more friends. real friends. the friends i have who can support me i can count on one hand. maybe that's enough, but my life feels unbalanced and empty. it feels like all i know how to do is lose people.

so yeah, im kinda sad this morning bc all i know how to do is make myself sad. i always find a way to ruin my day before it even starts. that's all im good at.

it's hot out today, it's summer. the days are getting shorter now, but we still have a while in the sun. all i can think about is losing weight. how uncomfortable i am in my body, how none if my clothes fit and i barely recognize myself. i need to get small again. im spending the rest of this year focusing on getting small again. i've been afraid to weigh myself but i need to get over that fear. i just need to focus on eating less and weighing less and getting as small as i can. that's the one thing i have if i don't have anything else. i can get it back. if i have to spend every day typing paragraphs about how im going to get it back then so be it. but im going to.

i don't feel like i've made much progress yet, but i think im moving away from bingeing and just from caring about food in general. i dont need it. i dont care about it. it doesnt solve my problems. it does nothing for me.

my stomach is a little upset rn and im not sure why. im not taking a microdose today. i dont think it did anything for me yesterday really. i definitely still had a huge spiral moment in the late morning and afternoon. i really think it's just easier for me to not talk to anyone. to keep everyone on the outside. opening up doesnt really bring me in comfort. i feel like the only thing that can comfort me is the consistent control of starving and losing weight.

i've learned by now that talking about my feelings doesnt solve anything. they still just follow me everywhere and then i feel twice as bad for bringing things up. i feel annoying, i feel insufferable, i feel like a burden, like someone to feel sorry for, someone to sidestep and look away from.

it's easier if i dont talk to anyone.

so yeah, im mostly fine i guess. im going on a date tomorrow and i can't tell if im looking forward to it. i dont know who i am or what im doing in the context of that relationship, and i can't help but feel that im going to ruin it because i have a history of letting things fall to ruin. im angry, im frustrated, i dont feel fully seen. i feel desired, but like no one wants to do the real work of making me feel safe and wanted and seen. i feel like this is going to be the end of our friendship.

above all i feel like i have nothing to give. it's going to come out that im just an empty shell of a person with nothing to offer.

i feel really suicidal right now and i wish i could just disappear.

i dont know if it was a bad idea to go off my medication. i feel like im never going to get the support i need again. i feel irritable, and uncomfortable and afraid of the future. i feel completely hopeless, like i barely have anything at all. i dont have big dreams, i dont have plans for the future, i barely want to be here.

i can just sink into starving and hiding in my room where im safe. pulling away from everyone. offering no real vulnerability. letting myself become a warped and broken person. i feel like that's the change that has been taking place this year. i'm truly losing my sense of hope and optimism and i've never felt this way before.

all i can do is look for the small bearable moments. no one can save me. i truly dont think im ever going to become anything. i can just get small again, and keep to myself, do what i need to do to keep myself alive because that's what i have to do. write thing that no one will read, make things that dont have to make sense, and just pass the time however i have to, to get through it all. that's what it comes down to.

im not living for anything.

im not hoping for a relationship that will save me or show me the light. maybe it's fine that i only have a few real friends. maybe that's all i need. i can have a small small life that no one ever sees. it's my life. my life that i barely even want, but i have it and i have to witness it and suffer it and that's that. there's no relief to be found in other people. im entirely separate from them.

im finishing my coffee. i have to see my therapist tomorrow. i'll call the doctors she told me to call. i'll tell her about how im doing. not well. but there's truly no fixing it. maybe i'll go outside today. maybe i'll feel something. maybe i wont.

i just know that i cant seek comfort in other people right now.

i just have myself and my small small life, and my goal of making myself smaller to match it.

[subtlyhorrific]

i apologize for the late response, my cat took its righteous spot on my lap and i didnt want to move her to grab my phone. safe to say the queen (my cat, leandra) is down from her throne now.

i relate to you on the never ending hunger of need, no matter how much i feed it by forming stunts its never satiated! its indeed a cycle, but maybe thats what all humans go through. cycles. maybe that in itself is proof of life? all things go through cycles, even the ants on the ground to the planets around us (planets are alive, i will fight on this ground). maybe its inevitable to have some type of orbit in your life no matter what.

and yes, i had and have been feeling that. i found that the drive and need for intensity leaked into everything, including my hobbies and most importantly my connections with people. normalcy felt like dust settling on shelves, and it made me itch and sneeze; so i always have to dust it off. aka, increasing the intensity by sporadic mood swings (the way i do a hobby, the way i feel about a person) in an attempt to shake off the dust. it always settles right back in the end. eventually i learned that, until i received ‘help’ (therapists,,,) it would remain a part of me. like a quirk i couldnt get rid of. so instead of trying to remove it, act like it wasnt there and ignoring it until the itch became unbearable- i leaned into it an accepted it. most note-ably with my connections to people. id be honest and tell them the dust was settling again, and people who mattered would help shake it for me. that might not help with you, but i do think accepting it would. however i may be incorrect and entirely misreading, please do correct me if so

no overstepping, no worries. i enjoy my anonymity but me discussing my job will not give it away haha. my job is incredibly boring im afraid, im a call center representative. its relatively peaceful besides the few ‘karens’, here and there.

how fun! maybe tomorrow ill start my tell with a fun fact.

also, i adore coyotes too.

- 🩻 sincerely, your anon

i am the one sorry for the late response. today has been incredibly hectic.

leandra is a pretty name! i love cats, despite being allergic to them. i have quite a few as well - they are my life and soul <3.

i'd go one further and define myself by my loops and cycles. i often find myself going back to the idea of eternal return - of a world where time goes back to the beginning, over and over again. a world where we meet ourselves and the events that made us over and over again. i think over what these things may mean, how the "return" may be useful, how the never-ending cycle with no growth (no beginning nor end) impacts us. it definitely isn't for everyone, but the concept comforts me in a weird way. this also can link into determinism, but i'll save that for another time. i don't really truly believe in one proper thing though. i have roots and wanderings in a lot of different ideas and concepts.

i know i'm a restless person. i think my main issue is the lack of people to "shake the dust," so to speak. my options are limited - by design, but limited nonetheless. it's another cycle for me. complain about a lack and yet never reach for people who can aid in it. it's messy. but i do appreciate your words. honestly i think therapy would be good for me if i was a little less stubborn. as i am now, therapy would be about as useful as trying to look through a wooden door.

lord, i've thought of working as a call center representative before. i'm a barista and let me just tell you...not my cup of tea. hell, i don't even like coffee. i imagine being in your profession comes with its own low points though, and i appreciate you telling me.

hmmm i'll think of a fun fact too. grizzly bears - specifically kodiak bears - have the longest claws in terms of length when it comes to bears.

[columbiafawn3]

All I did today was type up 3349 and watch the wk13 lecture. My productivity really is falling hard. I think it’s cos I sort of know I can afford to waste time at this point. As bad as it sounds, I know that if I don’t have flash cards made for these subjects a week before it’s sort of fine.

Except now I’ve written that, I’m like I probably should have flash cards for stats because I’ll spend all this time getting ready for stats and then the other three will spring up on me.

So maybe tonight that’s what I’ll do: turn my typed notes into flash cards for stats.

And tomorrow, I’ll type up 3337 and make flash cards for that.

I’ve set myself a deadline to have 3330 and 3333 notes all done by Friday, which shouldn’t be too hard.

Maybe by Wednesday? Is that too much pressure?

Ok maybe by Wednesday.

Im in the shower typing on my phone cos im edgy.

Ok I’ll be back

Im debating whether I write this out in a physical diary or just type it and post it here. I’m leaning toward physical diary but I also can’t be bothered to handwrite rn.

Oh idk I also don’t want to open that can of worms rn just when I’m trying to sleep.

I was gonna try and do an emotional autopsy on the guy from my English class, because I’m realising that part of it was that I liked him (not news but still sort of hard for me to admit) and that I acted that way because it was a reaction to what I interpreted as rejection. Now ofc that was all one big psychodrama in my head and this poor boy had no idea.

But yeah I think that taught me that I don’t quite know what to do when I like someone. Because my current strategy is to wait for them to make a move on me and that way it’s sort of more on my terms. I don’t know how to approach someone in terms of I like you.

In my head, I just sort of imagine that if I liked someone and they liked me, it would happen without us even realising it. We’d sort of be drawn to each other. So, what I interpreted as rejection (ie. disinterest) from this guy, was to me a sign that it wasn’t going to work out. But ofc I couldn’t just accept that and move on. I think where it all went downhill was how I responded to the fact he wasn’t into me.

I became fixated on making « sure » that he didn’t like me, forgetting my own advice that « if he likes you you’ll know ». And I think I’m quite a perceptive person in general so I really ought to have trusted my intuition and just moved on. I can usually tell if someone likes me. And I guess the inverse of that, if they don’t like me, is just if I don’t get the sense that they do like me. But, like I said, in this case, I didn’t back off.

I think there was also an element of pushing the « male code » to see what I could get away with. I am aware now that I’ve just launched into the discussion I said I was too tired to have. Oh well. Here we are. But yeah, because it was sort of the first time I’d been exposed to guys who I might actually have something intellectually in common with. And ofc, I can’t let myself have nice things so I had to be weird and ruin it for myself.

That is a big part of it, I do think: I couldn’t let myself have a nice thing. Because I was afraid I’d mess it up in the end so I just decided to mess it up to start with.

It’s funny because these events happened literally a year ago, but they haven’t been properly processed in my brain, so they feel way more recent. Like they happened before Sophie’s 21st birthday, which is wild to me because that is not how the timeline went in my brain. Anyway, that indicates to me that these events left a big emotional wound — self-inflicted ofc.

So, yeah. I think the lesson is about finding out how to approach someone in an « I like you » way. Because currently I wouldn’t ever do that. I would rely on them to do that, or it would sort of be a mutual thing where we both just accidentally get together. I think if I have to ask someone out, that’s probably a sign that we don’t have great chemistry. But am I delusional in that thinking?

Because I don’t want to ask someone out. It feels low grade embarrassing and degrading. I feel like I’m high value enough that people should be making the effort to impress me, not the other way round. And I think, at this point in my life at least, I would like to date someone who is willing to ask me out, someone who does have the guts and likes me enough to take the risk. Does said person exist? Who knows. I can live in ignorant hope nonetheless.

So, yeah, back to this guy. I think he’s yet another representation of what happens when I get fixated on someone who’s giving me nothing. Like I did with Ben James and with Sam Oliver. I’m telling myself this will be the last example of one of my weird guy fixations, but will it? Something tells me that yes, it will — because I’m sick of the pattern and I’m sick of creating these situations for myself where I look like a completely weirdo just because I can’t work out how to feel or how to act. I just look deranged, and as much as I can brush it off and act like I’m just a baddie who doesn’t let it get to her, it does. It makes me feel humiliated, especially since I’m debasing myself for these very average, sometimes below average, guys.

Like it’s beneath me to be begging for scraps like that. And I don’t know why I continue to do it. I’m not upset with myself for it. It’s more just a « I wouldn’t put up with this in any other realm of my life, so why here? » sort of thought process.

I think there’s also something to be said for these guys being so rare that when I do find someone I actually like organically, I sort of lose my mind. Because I walk through the world feeling like no one is particularly attractive to me, let alone even an option to me, and then when I do find someone, I get fixated because it’s like « finally! » Then I run it into the ground.

But I’d rather be learning this lesson at 20 than at 30. There’s still plenty of time to turn things around. Definitely not with this English guy, who is also most definitely straight (I’ve seen him at uni twice with the same girl so it’s giving dating). I’ve given up on him.

I think my situation is further complicated by the fact that I’m simultaneously looking for guy friends and looking for a romantic partner. Those things are completely opposite in a way that I don’t really recognise. So, when I want to be « friends » with someone, I always have to question why I’ve chosen them out of everyone else — because usually it hasn’t got a lot to do with ‘friends’.

But it’s hard because I want to be one of the boys, but at the same time I know that I’d just fall in love with them and I’d mess it up. So can I ever really be one of the boys?

In all honesty, probably not in the traditional sense. I would probably always have feelings for one of the straight guys, because that’s just sort of how it would go knowing me. But maybe with that knowledge, I can stop pursuing something I know will make me unhappy. Maybe being friends with the straight guys won’t make me feel valid as a person. It’s actually just me trying to redo my adolescent trauma of feeling like an outcast.

But it’s never going to work. The way I feel less like an outcast is by finding my people, not by assimilating into an emotionally immature group of straight boys.

I think the best thing I can do for myself is be honest when I sense that I like someone. Because it’s one thing to like someone and another to have to deny it to yourself and just say you want to be friends. Because on a certain level, I’m devaluing myself. I’m saying « I’m never going to get what I want so I’m just going to settle for what I think I can get (friendship) to stay attached to this person and leach whatever scraps of love I can from this relationship ». That was sort of the thought process with Luca, and a big part of why I blocked him — because I just couldn’t degrade myself like that. I wouldn’t let myself.

So, I think this guy in my English class taught me some valuable lessons about myself. He taught me how my response to rejection needs to be more neutral; how I need to stay firm to my conviction that if someone liked me I would know; how if I do like someone, I should accept it instead of try to convince myself I just want to be friends; how being ‘one of the boys’ isn’t what I was put on this earth to do, and my attempts to be one of the boys are just taking me further away from my true purpose for no meaningful gain, they’re just trying to redo the past in a way that can never be redone.

I’ve written too many reflections on this English class guy to think that this will be the conclusive one that finally allows me to let go. I think each time I return to the situation, I come with a new perspective or a new wave of wanting to unpack it. So, I’m just going to allow myself to return to it as often as I need.

I think part of why I’m still thinking about this is because I try to stop myself. I try to stop myself ruminating, which is probably healthy. But sometimes the rumination just has to come out — so there you go, my rumination

[blackvail22]

9/24/23 — 1:10am

theres a lot that happened within the past two days its insane. on the 22nd, i had to train this new associate for the whole day. he's rlly nice, and he's fun to talk to. he caught on really quick! im excited to work with him

also, that same day, i got back with my ex!!! it could be a dumb decision (because this is the 3rd time) but i really want things to work out. again, no one is going to know besides you... and... my coworkers, but thats different

the coworker that gave me his number, he gave me a note at work that says "im awkward so i dont know how to say this out loud, but i like you" and then taped a soda tab on it (it was the "hug" meaning one, which... i dont like but could be worse). so! ive told the new associate i have a boyfriend. im going to tell them i have a boyfriend, but im telling those im closest to at work that its because i dont want my worker to hit on me anymore

if he keeps going after that, i have to report him. im not letting someone get away with that, not this time.

i have to start standing up for myself... im just scared because of that teenager who got killed because she rejected her (adult) co-worker, im afraid its going to be me. this is the reason i dont like hearing abt death.

on another note, back to abt my boyfriend....

im writing this as soon as i ended the call with him. i miss him already. i wonder how and why my brain changes how i react to things because of a label. i feel so clingy. i want to talk to him more. he does make me happy, and i hope i make him happy too

oh, i also bought this candle... its supposed to "smell like london" and it says the scent is "afternoon biscuits and tea" so thats nice. i bought it to think of you, nd its nice that the color of the candle matches my room

oh last thing ! i took my permit drivers test and i passed it! feels so surreal because i never thought i was ever gonna end up driving but here we are lol

anyways i like this song

6:06am —

dude i couldnt fall asleep until like 4:30am and my mom woke me up at 5:30, screaming at me to find something i didnt have!!! i found it! and it was in her bag, a place she didnt look (because she only looked one place!!!!!!) at least i can sleep now, but idek if i can do that because i feel awake now. im going to sob. FUVKKK I HAVE A HEADACHE AND SINUS PAIN NOW IM GOING TO CRY DUDE. and the fact that she walked up the stairs to scream at me (she never walks up the stairs)???? ooo. im so mad bro! like im going to wake up whenever i have my alarms set and im going to punch a wall because i cant sleep without getting interrupted. IM PISSED TF OFF NOW bevause i havent had adequate sleep since my last off day (a week ago) and i dont have a lot of sleep for tomorrow because i have to wake up at 6am for an appointment thats 2hrs away. sure, ill sleep in the car, but with my mom? she wont let it happen. and i dont have another off day untl thursday, and i cant sleep in for that one either becahse i have another goddamn appointment in the morning. like, is this what being an adult is? being harrassed by coworkers, never having enough sleep, never able to fall asleep.... it cant be cause those all haopened when i was a teenager too. stuck in that cycle, though, and i cant wait for that cycle to finally end.

bad things always tend to happen to me. is it because i bring bad energy? AHHHHHHH i just need to scream cry

i am going to try to sleep now. I've rambled on for way too long

11:17pm

been incredibly sad today. i think it was my lack of sleep, or maybe it was my mom yelling at me and waking me up. still, my heart feels so ... heavy. i cant help but feel bad for people who love me. if i was them, i would choose anyone else to love endlessly. im undeserving of it all, anyway. i dont feel happy tonight. i hope tomorrow's better. i dont know what changed and made me feel this way because when i woke up and went to work, everything was fine until half way through my shift. it didnt really effect me, but them saying "oh, fun's over.. [my name]'s in a bad mood again.. everyone get away" keeps playing in my mind. it didnt affect me then, so i dont know why i keep thinking about it

i just want to fit on my roof and look at the moon, but its been rising really early so i dont think ill be able to see it now. ill watch some livestreams from space of the earth/the moon instead. something to comfort me while listening to music. i havent been able to watch any videos all the way through recently.. havent even been able to watch those gaming streams i like. hopefully ill feel better before i go to sleep

[wishmemel]

ronnie, my love, finallyyy <3

at first, i just thought you hated me and never wanted to interact ever ever again and then i thought that i had hallucinated ever sending this message and i was too afraid to reach out and find out if it was true 💀💀 so. i just didn't say anything. i'm glad i didn't hallucinate that message... i thought i was going crazy!!!

honestlyyy, i laughed so hard at your update — i’m still smiling. this week (last week?? last last week??) sounds so rough for you — i really really hope it gets better (or… not so you can just keep complaining to me XD I FOUND IT ENTERTAINING IM SORRY. you’re so funny tho i cackled)

1. THE CONTACT THING IS SO RELATABLE. that is the real reason i was too scared to wear contacts in the first place tbh — did you just never find it?? now im just like idk. contacts are such a big struggle. why all that effort to show off my big brown eyes??? i’m praying for u dw — hope it’s not still stuck in your eyeball 🫶 if it makes you feel better, this morning i searched everywhere for my contacts case and just… couldn’t find it?? i wore it yesterday and today it was just missing 💀💀 i had to open my new ones. i use the 30 day contacts and i’m pretty sure i still had WEEKS left in my old contacts. and those things r expensive too 😭 like idek where it went. i had to open a new pair, find a new case, fill it up w solution and everything and i still haven’t found my old ones?? i was also blind this morning squinting all over my room for the case so yeah life. i probably looked real stupid this morning💀

2. ronnie 😭😭 im so sorry you cried about that, my love — im guessing you felt overstimulated maybe and that’s why you reacted like that. honestly feel like that all the time. hope it gets better for you ://

3. lastly. THIS IS EVIL. first of all why the hell were you at the gym at SIX A.M. CRIME. immediate crime. what kind of sorcery do you do to wake up that early? i need to take up that witchcraft too :(( SECOND THE COCKROACH FALLING ON YOU IS JUST VILE. you’re so much better than i am — i would have screamed and alerted the whole gym and made everyone feel like the building was on fire :( you should’ve played some mind games on that woman honestly — if they’re messing w you, mess with their heads back. convince her you’re part of the mafia and u have dangerous connections. start barking like a dog. act crazy. one of those should work eventually!

that being said, the only exciting thing in my life is the fact that i have enough school work to make me wanna unalive myself 😃 pray for me i have a presentation tomorrow and a test next week! i made candles on sunday so that was fun!!! and also i’ve been busy bullying my friends to make sure their ego doesn’t get too large :) that’s all!

i promise i didn’t answer late just to give you a taste of your own medicine! (wellll maybe just a little!) — now you can tell me how this week went ^.^

hi ronnie, miss you ronnie - how are the kids?

SAFI IDK HOW I MISSED THIS, I AM GOING TO GO ROT IN MY GRAVE NOW.

that being said. hi safi, missed you safi. the kids (me) are pushing on (I am just a girl, I am not made for this stem girl life)

that being said, here are some highlights from the past few days if you are TRULY wondering how the kid (me) is doing:

spent an hour sticking my finger in my eye bc I couldn't find my contact and still don't know if i ever put it in or if it fell out or if it got lost and my eye is still swollen (this was two days ago, say a prayer)

had a group lab meeting at my research lab and it was so warm and stuffy and so many new undergrads that I got so intimidated by them (acting like I haven't actively been working there for two years) and then cried about it (I am just a girl)

a cockroach fell on me while I was literally walking on a treadmill at the gym AND THEN this woman came and tried to get me to join her pyramid scheme despite the fact that I had noise cancelling headphones on

that being said. how is the kid (you)???

[navvyu]

AN: thank you for requesting! i had to do a little studying for this one o_O hope it came out good! also sorry for this coming out so late (´；д；) (sorry deuce's is so short i didn't really know what to write for him :,) )

Comforting reader during a panic attack

*not beta read

Includes: Trien, Jamil, Ace, Deuce

Trien

goes over breathing techniques, 54321 method, ect.

if you want he'll let you pet/hold Lucius

would give you any reassurance you need, physical or not

pushes back assignment due dates for your classes + lets you skip school the next day / calls you off work for the next day

holds you if your okay with it

gave you water and made a delicious meal once you were hungry

made sure to check on you a little more often

"please don't be afraid to come for me if this happens again, ill always be hear to listen."

Jamil

learned how to deal with a panic attack incase kalim had one, so he was pretty well versed on how to take care of you

would hold your hand or hug you, or not touch you at all, depending on your preference

would go over tactics to help you calm down; breathing exercise's, 333 rule, ect.

once you calm down, he'll make you some food if you want and water

if you had any plans today or tomorrow? To bad! Jamil is making you have the rest of the day of and your going to have a self care day tomorrow, have fun!

"here have some water, take your time."

Ace

definitely didn't know what to do

may have said some not-so comforting things on accident

once he realized you were having a panic attack, he used some basic knowledge he probably got from his older brother

tried to joke with you after you calmed down a bit more

got some water and maybe showed you some magic tricks to help you calm down

after the fact he would research on how to comfort people during a panic attack, he wants to be able to properly comfort you if it happens again

"ill try to comfort you better next time, but please come to me if this happens again, i wanna be there for you!"

Deuce

kind of freaked out but he managed to comfort you pretty well

took breaths with you, attempting to help you calm down

between guiding your breathing he said stuff like "im always here" or "tell me if you need anything at any time"

if you wanted a hug, he'd give the best warm hug tbh

got you some snacks after (if you were hungry) and some juice if you wanted it

also searched up how to comfort someone during a panic attack to better help you after

may or may not have secretly bought you a heated/ weighted stuffed animal and left it on your bed as a gift

"In... and out... it's alright... your okay now, i promise."

333 rule:  looking around your environment to identify three objects and three sounds, then moving three body parts

54321 method: find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste

[margarine-archives]

financier cookie with a dead s/o now go wild

A Dead S/O with: Financier Cookie !

notes: OH MY GOD. I HAD to do this request first (quite biased im afraid). Other requests will be delayed so I apologize for that (exams are tomorrow, and I have pending school work to do-)

- due to the trauma, financier would be more overprotective. The consul, the elders, everyone that matters to her in general. She needed you, she tried her best to protect you with the divine light, and yet you still dissappeared, right in front of her very eyes. She can't let that happen a second time, she WON'T let it happen again

- she's supposed to protect you, to make sure you're still with her until the very end. Did she not try hard enough ? Would she even call herself a good paladin if she failed to protect the one cookie that kept her high and strong ? If she couldn't protect you, what would that say about her, about her promise to you ?

- she wanted it to be a dream, she wanted that day to simply be her delusion, her lack of sleep getting into her head. Yet, when she held you so close to her, hands gripping onto yours tightly, is when reality finally struck to her. You were gonna dissappear, and yet she couldn't even prevent that. What kind of paladin is she ?

- she didn't know when, but to hear you coo at her softly as she sobbed her heart out to you made her sob even harder. She wanted to be strong at this very moment, she wanted to carry on the battle and avenge you ! But why did she feel so weak ? so fragile to seeing you in such a state

- she knew you'd want to die without regrets, and so she tried her very best to put up a brave face for you, to tell you that you can finally rest, my love, my light. It took you aback for a second despite the pain, she never called you by any nickname to begin with, it was always you, and you were fine with that. To hear her say two in your final moments made your heart feel warm (despite being in a painful condition)

- with your eyes sealing shut with a kiss on the lips, pulling her closer, you had drifted off to a place farther from the living. Financier cookie is left there with your lifeless body inside an eerie dungeon, her lips still lingering from yours. Despite her mind telling her that she's ready to fight on, her heart, who's light had dimmed out, asked for more of your touch, even if you may never respond back to her

- in the moment after battle did she finally let loose, what seemed like eternal to bottle up finally broke. No one could potentially hear her, as everyone had evacuated the dungeon, maybe it was finally time to be selfish and let her emotions out.

- the consul found his bodyguard, down to her knees with two lifeless bodies, one being yours that she holds close to her aching heart.

- clotted cream felt pity and sadness to seeing the brightest light in her darkest moments. To see her, to hear how affected she is made him sad aswell, yet he knows not to interfere in such a vulnerable moment, and to leave her alone for awhile, telling the elders that he will take care of her

- she prays to the divine light more often, everyday, praying for the impossible, praying for you to one day return, to tell her that everything was simply a delusion.

- she constantly wonders what she did to deserve this outcome, and many things she could've done to prevent it from happening. She is loyal to the divine light, she follows orders from the republic, she even listens to you ! So what sin could she have done ? how can she atone for the mistakes she possibly made ?

- financier wouldn't want to love someone anymore after your passing, she believes that the same thing would happen again if she did, and she didn't want to relive the events that occured from that day. She focuses more on training, on work, and because of the fact she had lost you, she had went back to her old neglectful habits (except it only got worse as more time passed)

- ever since your death, financier has gotten much less sleep than usual, constantly training until her body was about to crumble any moment. She couldn't let herself get any rest, she must train harder, she has to

- who knows what might happen again if she even takes a minute break. Who knows what innocent lives may be taken away this time because of her lack of skill

- she swore to the light that she'd protect you, now that she's failed what she had promised for she'd be more hard on herself, constantly belittling herself time and time again.

- it seems she can just never recover from you, maybe she will, a decade and a half at best. You've changed her life so much, and now you're taken away from her so early.

- you were even planning to propose to her.. She broke down for another time once she saw the ring

[shotorozu]

i feel like im annoying lol but here i am again 🥴

🥴 how do da boys react to a super bimbo mc like shes busty, sweet, innocent, helpful as much as she can be and doesnt really realize when people are hitting on her, she just thinks theyre being extra friendly. (Tamaki, izuku, shoto, denki, bakougo) or any of ur choice

Sorry if I’m being annoying ( •᷄ὤ•᷅)？ and tysm

bimbo s/o

character(s) : bakugou katsuki, todoroki shouto, amajiki tamaki (bnha)

probably (?) part one // ?

legend : [Y/N = your name] female! s/o, quirk not specific

headcanon type : fluff, crack (x reader)

note(s) : sooo 🤩 it’s my birthday tomorrow, not excited about that?? not sure! but im definitely gonna post more tomorrow, just because

»»————-　♡　————-««

bakugou katsuki

you didn’t seem like his type tbh. you’re kinda an airhead, and you’re sweet and helpful to everyone

and awfully innocent,,

so, you seemed like the person that bakugou would try and stay away from, but nope!

not in this case. i’m not sure what conspired in this explosive blond’s head, but he had a oddly specific attraction to you

he used to hate being around you, but it’s also quite entertaining being around you but why, you may ask?

not only are you super nice, and helpful, but you’re very likable too! which caused you to get secret admirers, and fanboys

but you also so happen to be clueless as fuck, so katsuki would always stick around— obviously very amused, only to tell you what their true intentions are

“what do they mean, go out? like,, outside?”

“no, dumbo. they wanna date you.”

“..like the calendar?”

“hah?? are you dumb?” he actually hated how oblivious you were at first, but he just got used to it

but this clueless airhead trait of yours is what he also hates, because when he developed feelings for you— he’d have to tell you

and,, he’s not the best with being direct with romantic stuff. so— you can see how that went.

he ended up confessing you in the most direct way he could’ve said it, but you still. didn’t. understand.

“fuck sake, i want to be your significant other. your fucking lover, the bitch that’ll be with you until this dumbass brain of yours stops working.”

okay, he was a little too direct, but at least you know his feelings!

when you both finally get together, everyone is shocked. like,, you, the sweetheart that likes helping people— dating thee bakugou katsuki??

everyone thought you were threatened to date him, because you didn’t understand other people’s advances— but in reality, katsuki just told you what he felt

straight from the heart.

also, since you’re also quite busty, katsuki loves sleeping on them— he literally won’t sleep, until he has his head resting on those milkers of yours

“maybe this is all you’re good for, huh? a fuckin’ head rest. there might not be anything up there, but at least it gives me some good fuckin’ sleep.”

he,, doesn’t mean that. you’re useful in so many other ways, but he loves pretending that he thinks that way, because of your replies

“ah, yes! i’m fine with being your head rest, katsuki. rest well, love!”

you’re not hurt, because he makes it a point to tell you multiple times a day that you mean lots to him.

but he gets super mad when people tell you that you’re stupid. because he can only tell you that!!

todoroki shouto

you also didn’t seem like you’d be his type,, everyone thought he would’ve wanted someone that’s smart as momo, or something similar

but he’s very content with being with you, for reasons he can’t seem to figure out.

he has his habit of watching you help people from afar, and he couldn’t help but smile whenever he engages in conversations with you

yeah sure, you might be more of an airhead than most people— but you have a heart of gold! and that’s what gathered his attention

sometimes, he’s quite clueless to some social cues— but even he can connect the dots

which you can’t seem to do. but you’re in luck! shouto’s usually the one that tells you what they mean

it’s something he loves and hates, only because of how popular you are with people in general.

sometimes, shouto debates if he should even tell you what they mean— because well,, he likes you.

usually, shouto would interpret things to you like this

“,, they like you,, romantically.”

“shou, are you sure? they look like they wanna be my friend!” he lets you call him by his first name, just because of how content you look by calling him ‘shouto’

he ends up whispering something into your ear, and your eyes light up in realization. “oh! so how princess bubblegum likes marceline?”

“,, yeah.”

but being shouto todoroki has it’s advantages. he isn’t afraid of being as direct as he could possibly be.

“may i have the honor of being your lifelong partner?”

“..?”

“oh, romantically. i’d love to be your lover, Y/N.”

“..oh! that’s what you meant.”

the way he sees you stumble with your words, as you pace back in forth— completely flustered by his words

makes him smile

and it all ends well when his friends see that his wallpaper is literally him laying down on your chest

which is something he always wanted to do

“shouto,, did you finally confess?!”

“yes. they said yes.”

they’re not really surprised that you understood, courtesy to shouto’s bluntness.

he is your protector against all of the people that make you seem useless. man literally lashed out when his father asked him to date someone with ‘more intelligence’

“Y/N may not be the definition of being book smart, but Y/N’s not useless!”

in short— he’s the bimbo protector! he’ll always be patient around you, and he would never dare to dumb you down.

amajiki tamaki

oh lOrd, please help him

you’re so kind, sweet, and helpful. you’d help anyone— regardless of their personality. and that’s what made tamaki interested in you

but you’re also very popular. which he could see why— since you’re attractive in a unique and special way.

tamaki absolutely disliked the idea of your kindness being taken advantaged of. i mean,, the guts of some people!

but he also hated being the one to break the news to you good or bad

he’s not good with the blunt stuff either, and he might’ve been worried about being around you— because well,, you look like you wouldn’t even hurt a fly.

“tamaki, what do they mean by ‘coming home with them for a nice time’ do they.. want to play mario cart with me?”

he looks like he needs to pass out, but he ends up telling you anyway. he’s just lucky that you could hear him.

but he sighs in relief when you end up kindly declining

nejire and mirio are SO amused by this pairing. i mean, it’s an interesting dynamic! how could they not be invested?

yet, they refuse to even explain things to you, especially when tamaki’s around to do said explaining

because apparently, ‘it’ll help you socialize more, especially with Y/N!’

but remember when i said that tamaki wasn’t great with the blunt approach? yeah— he’d have a heart attack, just trying to explain his feelings

“i— uhm how do i say this,, would you like t-to go out for some dinner with m-me?”

“oh sure! i should go tell mirio and nejire” you’d say that with a smile, and it felt like he was going to pass away on the spot.

nejire and mirio were the ones the tell you that ‘no, tamaki doesn’t want to be friendly with you, because he wants to romantically date you.’

and it felt like forever when they were explaining how and why, while tamaki was sitting in the corner.

but thank GOD! because you like him too!

super hesitant on resting on your chest, i mean,, to him, it looked like the nicest pillow for the deepest sleep! but he wasn’t sure if that’d be okay

because no!! to!! taking!! advantage!! of!! Y/N’s!! kindness!!

speaking of that, despite the fact that he’s socially awkward— he will not hesitate on defending you from any haters!

like, when people say that “tamaki and Y/N are such an awkward couple. tamaki’s super awkward, it looks like there’s nothing in Y/N’s brain. maybe she’s brainless”

because how dare they. not everyone is book smart— but that doesn’t give people the right to call you stupid!

“Y/N’s not brainless! she’s kind, helpful, and the sweetest p-person i have ever met. i suggest you take that back!”

in short— it gives him heart palpitations just having to explain things to you, but at the end of the day, it’s all worth it, if he can be with you

»»————-　♡　————-««

likes and reblogs are appreciated, thanks for reading!

i do not own bnha/mha and it’s characters. boku no hero academia/my hero academia belongs to horikoshi kohei, i only own the writing and i do not profit off of my hobby

do not plagiarize, reupload, translate, or use my works for audio readings without permission

[wincore]

field day | jung sungchan

pairing: sungchan x fem!reader

synopsis: when you, as cheer captain, are best friends with the pride and joy of the soccer team, rumors are bound to fly around.

genre: high school au, soccer au, bff2l, fluff

words: 7.5k

warnings: language, jung “the risk i took was calculated but man am i bad at math” sungchan

request: sungchan + ball + “ everyone is looking at us. is that a good or a bad thing? ” (from the first option) ^__^

song recs: after school - weeekly / pleaser - wallows / some - bol4 / sweet talk - saint motel / love so sweet - cherry bullet

a/n: i tried recalling some hs memories for this and im hoping i wasnt the only one that went through the “shipped with a random dude” ordeal LOL. i haven’t written shorter fics in a while so i’m glad i got to. tq for requesting, lovepie <33

In high school, peer pressure tends to come in different forms. For you, it’s taken the shape of this.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” 

You look around your classmates, scanning each and every face chanting with glee like you’re a star player scoring the winning point. The tall figure shifts beside you, glancing at you like a blinking idiot. You’re not even on the losing team but it feels just as frustrating.

You glare at the boy beside you. The trouble is Jung Sungchan. The trouble has always been Jung Sungchan. 

“Come on!” Chenle calls with a teasing grin from the buzzing crowd. The little shit. It’s getting hotter with each minute you spend by the green soccer field and its dusty chalked lines, just at the tip of the bleachers. You didn’t even get enough time to breathe before you were surrounded, the soccer team pushing a stumbling Sungchan onto you. It’s too sunny for this today.

“The star soccer player gets a kiss from the lead cheerleader after a winning game! That’s the rule.” Chenle announces.

Sungchan looks at you and you turn to him, the both of you looking at each other like fish out of water. Even though you’ve clarified at least a hundred times that you’re just friends, your peers don’t seem to be satisfied. (“Famous last words,” they say.)

“No,” you say, firmly. 

“No,” Sungchan agrees, nodding his head wisely.

“Don’t copy me,” you say, smacking his chest, and a quiet ‘oof’ escapes his mouth.

The fact that you’ve been best friends since Sungchan offered you a light green crayon in elementary school just fuels the idea that you have to date. There’s this difference between elementary school kids teasing and high school kids teasing—it was so much easier back when boys were afraid of cooties from girls. It was innocent too. Now, it’s more of nudges and sly grins, teasing with unnecessary innuendo. (What else do you expect from teenagers experiencing puberty?) It doesn’t stop you from being best friends though. Sungchan still visits on Fridays to get on your mom’s nerves and help you with homework (or try to). You still have all the little trinkets he’s gifted you over the years and the lock to his phone is still your birthday. You’re best friends and strictly that. 

When you got into the same middle school though is when it started going downhill. Holding his hand was awkward, touching him in any way was awkward and god forbid you compliment him on something. The kids around you would run across the halls saying “(name) likes Sungchan!” or the other way around sometimes. Heathens, the lot of them. But at the very least, he wasn’t too fazed and you wonder how he could be that even-tempered. If it was just you feeling that way, then maybe you did like him more than he did you. 

You shake it off. 

Sungchan’s much more grown now and at least a foot taller since his awkward adolescent years; he looks handsomer too but you wouldn’t be caught dead saying it out loud. After all, it’s only going to spark another debate on the anonymous school forum. (“(name) finds Jung Sungchan attractive, they’re totally dating.” “I knew it. A boy and a girl can’t be friends, especially if they’re both good looking.”) If you’re being honest, you hate the rumours so much—it’s one of the reasons, apart from puberty, stopping you from being as close as before. However, you do understand that this is how the passage of time works. You’re not going to be spending all of your time with each other, yes, but you still regard him as important. Your life is too busy now, with exams and practice—and you’d think a busy bee would get some honey as reward.

Sungchan’s curls stick to his forehead, unruly after he wiped at them with a towel. The sunlight plays with his eyes when he looks at you intently and you shrug. The smell of sweat is starting to make you nauseous. You remember that you too need to take a shower.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” you mumble.

“Not today?” He asks.

You shake your head. “The girls have a plan.”

It’s not just the sweat. Or the crowds. You don’t like being here at all. There’s one more problem with this place.

You hate soccer. 

And by hate, you mean you despise it. Like you’ll throw up at the sight of it. What’s so riveting about a bunch of smelly, sweaty guys excited about chasing a patterned ball? You’ve tried to understand it but every time your dad explains the rules, you find yourself zoning out of whatever alien language he speaks. 

Sungchan has been the closest to getting you to understand the game and even then, you refused to learn. It’s not like you’re society’s definition of girly—but you’re not a tomboy either. The school has granted you the “ice queen with a warm interior” stereotype so you’ll just go with that. To be honest, you’re just a little more awkward at open affection than your friends. (And Sungchan has the “friendly beagle” stereotype which you’ll agree is partly true. He’s more of a retriever though, with that size.) It’s just funny how you can never seem to know who you are but other people see so clearly.

You hurry up to the locker rooms and hope for a better evening than this afternoon.

-

The sky burns blue and you wipe the sweat off your brow once you step out of the changing room. Cooling off from your shower has gone to waste. Adjusting your school skirt, you take your usual strides to the school gates. 

Ryujin seems to be showing Yuna a very flamboyant dance move while the latter hypes her up. Ryujin is in her gym uniform because she has no care for her reputation apparently, but she makes it work. Yuna’s about to show her own move when she notices you and waves at you vigorously enough to make you jog towards her and stop embarrassing herself in front of the after school crowd. But then again, she’s too cute for that.

“We got bored waiting for you,” Yuna explains, voice hoarse from her cold. Poor thing wasn’t let into performing because of it. “Do you wanna see our cool new move? Ryujin came up with it!”

Ryujin rolls her eyes. “You’re trying to advertise me to (name) so she can recruit me into cheerleading, aren’t you?”

You smile and cross your arms, facing Yuna who’s been caught mid-act. She smiles sheepishly and pats your shoulder like she just said a funny joke.

“Actually…” You begin and Ryujin holds up her arms in a cross.

“No. Never. I’m already part of the hip-hop dance club.”

“I was going to say that I’ll join you instead.”

Yuna gasps in betrayal, big eyes widening, and Ryujin grins before sticking her tongue out and potentially ruining her image with that expression. She doesn’t care, however.

“Anyway, I can’t wait to get to college and join a dance club.” Ryujin looks at the two of you excitedly. “I keep getting snaps from Yeji and feel so jealous.”

Yuna pouts. “Don’t be so happy about leaving me.”

“Aw, is the baby afraid of not getting any more sisterly doting?” Ryujin teases and you laugh at the disgruntled expression on Yuna’s face. 

“Don’t worry,” Ryujin continues with a sly grin. “Taehyun’s here to keep you company for another year.”

Yuna turns red in the face, a high pitched complaint emitting from her throat. “I told you to keep quiet about that!”

“Oh, what’s this?” You wiggle your eyebrows. “We’re starting boy talk early today.”

Yuna huffs. “At least, mine’s just a crush. I don’t know what relationship status: complicated you have going on with Mr. Soccer Captain.”

You flush hotly. “There’s no relationship status to be complicated about! Seriously, why does everyone think we’re a thing?”

“You’re cheer captain and he’s soccer captain,” Ryujin answers logically. “Plus, you’re best friends.”

“You have a lot of sexual tension,” Yuna answers honestly.

You make a face, slipping your arms into theirs and pulling them along the sidewalk. You better get something to drink before the sky starts to turn purple from pink tinged blue. 

“Ooh, another desperate attempt from (name) to not get teased,” Ryujin leans back to whisper to Yuna.

You stop walking. “Wait. Where are we going?”

Yuna shakes her head. “I’ll lead the way.”

Skipping over the concrete sidewalk, you laugh at your friends and their stories (read: Ryujin gushing over Yeji’s college dance club and Yuna’s newfound crush on Taehyun). The blue sky has tinged orange by now but it’s the sort of colour that sits in between more significant timeframes, like night and evening. Passing by a city square, you eye the people with wonder. A girl in a pink skirt skateboards smoothly over the concrete, her boyfriend filming her with a loving smile. 

“We’re here!” Yuna announces.

You look around the large open plaza, with people of all ages and in different attires trying out skateboarding and rollerblading over the grey concrete. It’s been getting popular lately, with idol pop stars taking to it too but you never knew there was this big a community. There seems to be a few stalls renting out skateboards too. The wind caresses your hair, evening cool settling in nicely on your skin. The sky is purple but it’s lit up with the city buildings and street lamps flickering on. It’s not a bad day at all.

Someone catches your attention. A boy that sticks out like a sore thumb everywhere he goes. 

“Sungchan?!” 

Your eyes somehow always settle on his figure, tall and standing out in the crowd of teenagers. He clutches his blue bag, the one he’s had since third grade, close to his chest and looks more like a tourist in this place than a frequent visitor. He’s not the only one in school uniform now that you’re here.

“(name)!” 

You hate how you love the way his face lights up when he sees you. You’re not actually into him. It’s your friends brainwashing you.

“I was going to invite you,” Sungchan says, a sorry smile on his face. 

Ryujin and Yuna frown at each other but you can’t exactly ask the reason for it.

“Isn’t it great we had the same plans?” he beams at the three of you.

Yuna suppresses a smile and you wonder why. It’s not like your friends would know he’d be here—you’d know first as best friend.

"How did you guys come across this place?" He asks, eyes round with curiosity. 

"Somi's Tiktok," Yuna answers, smiling. "We thought she works here but if she really was, guys would be swarming this place."

Ryujin raises her eyebrows. "Speaking of which, I can clearly see why there are so many girls here."

Sungchan beams, turning to you for affirmation and when you don't give him any, he drops his grin to a more polite smile.

“I don’t work at the stalls though,” he answers. “I’ve just been here a few times.”

“You’re trying to learn, aren’t you?” Ryujin asks, raising an eyebrow.

He nods. However, you furrow your eyebrows at her. How does she know? Eyes widening, you realize it must be the school forum. You remember reading a post about a student wanting to learn skateboarding and the wording felt familiar but you didn’t think much. How they figured it out, you will never know.

“Oh! Oh, I think my nose is bleeding. Oh god.” Yuna sniffs vehemently, her finger at her nose. “I think I’m going to need Ryujin to get me to a clinic.” 

Linking her arm through Ryujin’s, Yuna makes an apologetic expression and runs off into a particularly crowded area.

You blink. The realization dawns. 

"They just left me," you tell him, exasperated. "How could they just leave me?"

He shrugs. "My team left me at a rival school's field once."

Great. Your last outing before midterms and your friends have abandoned you. If this is the case, you wonder why they complain about you spending so much time with Sungchan and allegedly ignoring them.

You regain a sense of your surroundings and turn to him. "Wait. They really left you?"

He nods diligently, eyes trained upwards as he tries to recall the memory. "I told you, didn’t I? On the plus side though, I made friends with the opposite team."

"That's so… cute."

Your cheeks heat up at saying it out loud. If Sungchan is affected by it in any way, he doesn't show it. Instead, he has his usual smile on. 

“Do you wanna try?” he asks. “Skateboarding. Or rollerblading but I personally don’t recommend that.”

He curls his lips, shaking his head slightly. You laugh. Of course this beanpole has trouble balancing on skates.

"I- I figured you'd be good at skateboarding. Since, you know, you're so balanced and all."

You raise an eyebrow. "You wanna add skateboarding to your resume or something?"

"Yeah, that and the ability to imitate dog sounds. Wanna see?"

"No, thanks. I’ll pray this weekend to cure your furry behaviour."

Before he can respond, you’re interrupted by a whirlwind of colours and excited calls. A few girls run up to the two of you, younger and probably in middle school, flocking to Sungchan like bees to honey. Never in your life have you felt so ignored as in this singular moment.

You blink, turning to Sungchan who looks like a rather helpless, flustered eye of the hurricane. The winds don't seem to be stopping any time soon.

You clear your throat trying to get their attention. 

"Wow, you brought your girlfriend?" One of the girls exclaims, sounding disappointed.

The other girls make similar whines of disappointment and you have half the heart to whack them over the head and tell them to focus on their academics instead of boys. 

"You're so lucky to have him as your boyfriend," a girl comments, round eyes brimming with jealousy. 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” you declare sharply.

Sungchan looks at you with his doe eyes, blinking cartoonishly. You nudge him with your elbow.

“Yeah!” He agrees, with far too much gusto to be believable. “I’m not (name)’s boyfriend. I have no idea why everyone keeps saying that.”

“Let’s go, babe,” you say, resisting the urge to stick your tongue out at the girls. They’re younger than you and you have high school dignity, you remind yourself.

Slipping your hand into his, you take a few long strides away from them before you realize what you said.

“I- I did- I didn’t mean to call you babe,” you sputter, pulling your hand from his to look at him with wide eyes. 

“It’s okay though?”

Sungchan raises an eyebrow and slips his hand back into yours, smiling. 

“I don’t mind the rumours, you know?” He says honestly but his smile feels all too teasing. “Maybe we should go out for real.”

You huff, separating yourself from him again. “Maybe you just love attention. Disgusting.”

You point an accusatory finger at him and he bites at it playfully.

“While you're here, wanna see a cool trick I learned?" He straightens only having to tilt his head to look at you.

"If it's you falling on your face, then yes."

"I mean, hey, I could totally do that. Done that several times actually."

You smile despite trying your hardest not to. You like this about him—that he’s easygoing enough to make you look at life less seriously. If it’s with him, you could quit everything that makes you unhappy and start everything you love. 

“So where is your skateboard?” you ask, walking side by side with him, who has finally learned to match your pace.

“It’s with one of my friends,” he answers, and points to a tall girl with long brown hair, wearing a pair of tomboyish shorts and T-shirt. Another girl with short hair and a bucket hat accompanies her, wearing a long hoodie and shorts, but she leaves before you reach them. They must be from a different school because you’ve never seen them before. The first thing that pops into your head is that they’d be good replacements for your cheerleading position if you were ever to leave. You shake your head. Now is not the time.

“That’s Jimin!” he introduces, and you wonder how he’s this way—how he makes friends so easily.

Jimin waves at Sungchan and then proceeds to ask if you’re his girlfriend with a big smile, like a script being followed everywhere you go.

She seems a little disappointed at the answer. “Well, I was going to suggest one of the couples skateboards.”

You flash her an awkward smile. 

“But those are pretty difficult! I’ve been here for a month and my idea of skateboarding is still sitting on it while Soeun pushes me around. That’s my friend, by the way.”

“Ah.” You nod. “This is my first time skateboarding, actually. The only ‘sport’ I’ve ever done is cheerleading.”

Jimin furrows her eyebrows before her eyes widen. “Wait a minute. You’re the cheerleader best friend that Sungchan wouldn’t shut up about!”

Sungchan flusters, in the subtle way he usually does, and waves his hands robotically trying to explain. “I was just saying- that- that you’d be good at skateboarding. Because of the cheerleading.”

A boxy grin accompanies his explanation. 

“Right.” Jimin covers her face and sends an obvious wink your way. “Anyway, you can have my skateboard for the day.”

She hands over a smooth black skateboard with white wheels, but on closer inspection you find that they’re light-up wheels instead. It’s oddly fitting for someone like Jimin even if you’ve known her the entirety of ten minutes. Sungchan is good at finding friends, rather. Soon enough, she runs off after making Sungchan promise he’ll deliver the skateboard home.

The trick Sungchan wanted to show you was a failed kickflip. At the very least, it made you laugh so hard you almost spit out the strawberry milk he’d bought you. Sipping his own banana milk, he sulked for a moment or two, telling you to try it out and see how difficult it is.

On the contrary, Sungchan was right. You are good at balancing on skateboards. But that’s where it ends. You don’t think you’ll be naturally good at kickflips, though being able to glide through the plaza while Sungchan runs after you with the drinks puts a big smile on your face. It’s the most fun you’ve had in a while.  

Accompanied by Sungchan’s panicked “oh no”s and “oh we messed up”s, the two of you try the couple skateboarding move too; no one’s watching you here. It’s fun to see him stress over a skateboard because frankly, you’ve never met anyone as easy-going as Sungchan. (“I’ll figure it out along the way,” he says when you ask if he’s studying for finals, and proceeds to get a decent enough score). Suddenly the wandering gap is closed again. You’re not going to worry about stupid rumours from now on. 

But for some reason, ‘you like him as a friend’ doesn’t sound right either. Despite having said it so many times, you might not believe in it. You shake off the thought. This evening, at least, you’re going to enjoy with Sungchan without thinking of teenage drama and hormones. 

"You still don't think you and Sungchan make the perfect pair?" Yuna pouts. 

You narrow your eyes. "I don't take opinions from traitors."

Chaeryoung leans back on her chair, and whispers to you asking if you’re okay. At least someone is concerned about you.

“It hurts to be left by my own friends but—”

“No, I meant, are you okay? Why aren’t you dating Sungchan already? You’re so cute together! And you’re best friends—Netflix writers literally daydream of this.”

You groan, throwing up your hands in defeat.

“And,” Yuna adds, knocking her chair closer. “Who’s really the traitor here? Us who ditched you with the love of your life—or you, who runs off every time she gets a call from her boyfriend?”

“Sungchan is not my boyfriend.” You cross your arms.

“She even shares her lunch with him more,” Ryujin complains from the side. “And they’re not even in the same class. Unlike me, by the way. Class 1 Shin Ryujin. Same class as you, (name).”

You slump, resting your forehead against the desk. At this point, you wish the teacher would walk in and start the class already. Unfortunately, lunch break isn’t over for another ten minutes and lady luck clearly isn’t smiling upon you. 

“Speak of the devil!” Ryujin announces monotonously, leaning against her desk.

Sungchan and a few of his friends from the soccer team wave at you and the girls from the classroom door. Noticing Taehyun, Yuna quickly fixes her hair and you would tease her if Sungchan hadn’t casually strolled up to your desk and sat down on the chair in front of you. Long legs barely contained in the space, he adjusts himself by resting his arm on the headrest and his chin upon it. It’s all normal. However, when he leans down to match your eye level, you hear the sudden pit-a-pat of your pulse in your ear. At this proximity, you can even see the mole on his lip that he’s pointed out before. The sunlight from the open windows is pulling golden strings over his eyelashes and his lips aren’t dry as a desert like you expected. You know he uses the watermelon flavoured lip balm. 

“Too close,” you croak. Embarrassed at your own voice, you rise sharply and glare at him.

“Is your heart fluttering?” Sungchan asks, smiling as he looks up at you.

You roll your eyes. 

You can hear Yuna’s giggling and before you can shoot her a glare, Sungchan calls. 

"Do you have any bandaids?" 

He points to a rough scratch at the base of his palm, fingers slender and less calloused than what you'd pictured. Then again, soccer players don't use their hands much, do they?

You blink. "You came all the way here for bandaids?"

"Well… I remembered you keep band-aids in your phone case. And the nurse hates me."

You giggle.

Yujin mouths from behind Sungchan, “He just wanted to see her.” 

You would feel flattered if you didn't know these people and their shenanigans. They'd do anything for some drama (and to get two innocent people into the dating trap).

“Why would I waste my cute band aids on you?” you mutter under your breath. “They’re limited edition, you know?”

No way are you sticking Ice Bear on your urban hazard of a best friend. A tall, cute, surprisingly polite hazard but he still annoys you nonetheless.

However, Sungchan's pleading smile has grown on you.

You reluctantly take the band-aid out of your clear phone case, the pink panda doll attached to it swaying with the movement. Proceeding, you take Sungchan's hand and lay it on your desk. With careful focus, you place the band-aid, admiring the size difference of your hands before snapping to reality.

Enough with the pink cloud of thoughts, you scold yourself.

When you look up, the proximity makes your heart skip a beat despite the logical part of you saying you shouldn't. Your faces are too close and this time, you don't even have the energy to croak it out.

"Thanks, (name)," Sungchan smiles at you. 

Right then, the sound of a chair sliding harshly against the floor makes the two of you jolt away from each other. All of your friends and his friends seem to be sporting Cheshire cat grins and you don't like it one bit. You don't like not being in on the gag.

"Anybody up for gaming after this? My treat." Chenle looks around. “Sungchan is banned from the arcade soccer game though.”

"'Ey," Sungchan complains.

"Hey, Jisung and Ryujin are banned from DDR too but that's because they almost broke the handles off last time."

The memory makes you smile. Sungchan was there too, and you don’t know why you’re only just recalling all the memories with him in it, carefully and in detail. Every one of them seems to have been amplified, the little interactions suddenly coming to mind. 

“(name)? You’re coming?”

You take one look at Sungchan and give up. Even if this is another childish ploy by your peers, you don't mind spending some more time at the arcade with infuriatingly addictive games. A tiny part of you is even willing to go along with them and see if it turns out the way they want it to.

“I’ll go,” you mumble, and the rest of the group cheers. 

“But I have cleaning duty today.”

The group groans. 

“Just get someone else to do it. Like a junior.”

“Isn’t that bullying?” You ask, frowning.

“Ask nicely. Anyone would be willing to do your bidding, (name).”

“Chenle, will you do it?” You give him a sickly sweet smile. “You’re class president after all.”

Chenle wrinkles his nose. “You’re getting stupider every day, (name).”

You sigh. “Fine. I’ll ask one of Yuna’s classmates then.”

“By the way,” Chenle announces. “Only twelfth graders are invited—”

A bunch of groans interrupt him. 

“Quit whining.” He crosses his arms, glaring at them. “What do you even have to worry about? We’re preparing for the exam of our lives. Oh, and Jisung is an exception.”

“We’re only two years apart,” Yuna mutters under her breath.

“Oh, and from class 5, only Sungchan is invited.”

Another round of complaints pass and Chenle breaks into laughter. “Just kidding.”

Your friends are and will always be an odd bunch. Sungchan has previously proved to be the weirdest (several times) and it makes him the most lovable too. But then again, you don’t have free space in your timetable to put in teenage crushes, much less falling for your best friend. What you do have time for this afternoon, however, is relaxing at the arcade. 

-

“Let’s go! I am so good at this. Think I’d impress your Steve Curry?” Ryujun gloats, after having scored three hoops in a row at the arcade basketball game.

“It’s Stephen Curry,” Chenle corrects. “And no, let’s focus here. Our goals are—”

He points to the two figures by the DDR machine, looking like a real couple. He’s been acting as damage control for the rumours and making sure you don’t drift apart because of it. They really don’t make guys like him anymore, Chenle sighs. He should get a friendship award or something.

“—those two.”

Really, Sungchan better be thanking him by the end of this. He’s never met anyone quite like Jung Sungchan, especially because Chenle cannot picture himself liking the same person since elementary school.

“Man, now I wish I had a girlfriend,” Chenle mutters.

Ryujin snorts. “Who’s going to date you?”

“You don’t have a boyfriend either,” Chenle reminds and gets a basketball to the shoulder.

“Why are you playing that when you don’t even know how to use it?” Your voice rings through to them.

“I said I’ll figure it out!” Sungchan reasons.

Chenle and Ryujin stare at the two of you blankly, as you bicker over a claw machine game and they share a look.

“Do they need our help?” Ryujin whispers.

Chenle shakes his head. “I think they’ll figure it out from here.”

Soon enough, you were laughing at Sungchan’s failed attempts and trying to outplay him. Your friends have already given you the shove. Chenle and Ryujin share a high five and that’s where the new story begins.

You finally know the thrill of a teenage crush. It makes you so damn infuriated that it had to be Jung Sungchan. 

Now every time he waves at you from the field or hands you a bottle of strawberry milk or explains the calc notes you missed or does the bare minimum, you need to deal with the quickening of your pulse and a few butterflies loose from their cage in your stomach. It doesn’t help that you’re almost always together.

The two of you currently sit by the school field, Sungchan tying his shoelaces while you cool off with the water bottle he offered you. Practice ended a while ago for you and the girls have receded into the air conditioned indoor gym. The indoor gym is apparently occupied by the gymnast club and you couldn’t be more disappointed that you didn’t join them instead. 

If anything, however, you’d rather leave this whole thing and focus on your academics. Hobbies shouldn’t be draining you—they should feel like skateboarding on a lilac evening with the wind in your hair.

With a friend you like very, very much.

“Sungchan,” you call quietly. 

“Hm?” 

When he looks up, you can’t hold in the urge to fix the hair out of his eyes. You’ve never been very physically affectionate so it might have come off strange. Sungchan looks at you quietly, stars in his eyes and you clear your throat.

“How long have you been playing soccer? It was before we met, right?”

He hums, eyes traveling up and then back to you when he remembers. “Since I was six. You were there at my first soccer match actually.”

“I was? Oh my god, was it the one you lost horribly and the whole team started crying?”

“Yes. Yes, it was.”

You giggle. “Six year old you would be so in awe now.”

Sungchan beams at that. 

“Who knows?” he smiles, looking into your eyes with firm determination. “Maybe I’ll be the next Son Heungmin.”

“Even I know who that is so… no.”

Sungchan pouts and you make a face in disgust. “Don’t act cute, it gives me hives.”

“Okay, maybe not Son Heungmin. I could definitely be the next Park Jisung—and I don’t mean him.”

Sungchan points to a boy passed out on the benches, his exhaustion typical of any high schooler while another boy sits beside him, fanning him with a bunch of assignment papers. Jisung and Chenle really are more entertaining than any game on this field. 

You turn to look at Sungchan, who’s moving his head around trying to catch their attention. When he finally does, he waves at them and gets big grins in response. He’s not all that bad, you think. In fact, he’s quite possibly the most amiable boy in senior year.

“Just be Jung Sungchan,” you mutter. “Not Son Heungmin or Park Jisung.”

Sungchan turns to you, smiling wide. “Advice taken.”

You scoff. “Whatever.”

Maybe it’s just you but Sungchan has been glancing at your lips very frequently today and mentally thank Chaeryoung for letting you borrow her lip tint. You didn’t know something so subtle could get you this giddy.

“Are you… going to give the CSAT?” You ask, glancing at him nervously. Part of you is sad you only developed your first high school crush in the very last semester. Or if it’s comforting, you could believe you’ve liked him all this time.

“Nah. Sports scholarship,” he says nonchalantly. “I was going to tell you but… I’ve been scouted already.”

You gasp. “That’s… great. Your future’s all settled.”

Sungchan seems to dislike the idea, lips pursing. “I don’t think anything’s settled except for the next step.”

You nod, somewhat understanding. 

“What about you?” He asks. “Any university in mind? SKY? I’ve seen you study extra hours at the library.”

You look away, not feeling ready for the conversation.

“I don’t know,” you say quietly. “I don’t know what I like and what I want. I don’t even like cheer anymore.”

Sungchan gazes at you wordlessly but it’s the most comfortable you’ve felt talking about this.

“Maybe I should quit,” you mumble.

You don’t want to commit to something you no longer have passion for. But then again, you’ve spent so much time on it that it’s hard to leave. 

“You should,” he responds, honest. 

You scoff, shaking yourself from that moment of vulnerability. “But why would I quit something I’m good at?”

“If you don’t like it. If it hurts to leave but isn’t any better when you stay, you should leave.”

You roll your eyes. “You’re quite the philosopher.”

“I’m smart, right?”

You smile. 

“Oy, you two!” Chenle calls, making his way to you two with Jisung trailing behind. “I don’t mean to interrupt your flirting but you got a spare water bottle?”

“Are you two going out now?” Jisung asks as a follow-up, and you feel a hot flush for some reason, unlike the previous times you’ve been asked this question.

“No,” you answer. You don’t mind the idea though now.

“Don’t lie,” Chenle complains. “I saw that picture of Sungchan teaching you how to kick a ball. You? And soccer? Something’s up.”

You throw up your hands in exasperation. “Seriously, who keeps up posting to the school page? And where do they get the time?”

"Two people with this much compatibility will always be a hot topic."

"We're not compatible," you retort quickly.

"Wait," Jisung says. "I know how to resolve this."

You raise an eyebrow.

"How do you have your cereal?" He asks, looking from you to Sungchan.

"Cereal first, obviously," you answer.

Sungchan looks up, finger below his chin as he thinks. "I drink the milk first, then eat the cereal and then breakdance to mix it all together."

You pinch your nose. "I swear I question your sanity all the time."

"Hah! That means you're thinking about me all the time."

You look away, rolling your eyes. He responds with an open-mouthed smile and finger guns.

"See?" Jisung grins. "Compatible."

The gruff voice of Coach Lee startles the four of you and Sungchan leaves with a sigh and a promise of meeting after practice. Jisung leaves with Sungchan and Chenle gives you one last teasing smirk before sitting down and going through the assignment papers he was using as a fan previously. You will never understand his miraculous ways of performing his presidential duties.

You don’t have a good feeling about the next match. The only reason you’re even sticking around anymore—as embarrassing as it—is to spend more time with Sungchan. Being with him puts you at ease, even if the school tries to wrap the two of you in a rope of uneasiness. This is your very last practice, for the next match is the final one of this year and then you’ll be back to spending even longer hours at the library with a stack of textbooks. It’s supposed to be a carefree age. At least, adults say that. Your high school life seems to be riddled with worries, and with that thought, you head into the air conditioned room to take a breather off your anxieties. 

Only one more match, you remind yourself. 

The pre-match buzz is driving you to the edge.

Your form is off, you can feel it already and Coach Kim isn’t as sunshine-as-rainbows as she usually is, courtesy to it being the last match of your life. She’ll never know though, how much you don’t want to do this. 

Sungchan waves at you as he usually does before a match, disappointing a third of his fangirls, but it helps you ease. One last time, (name).

Watching the crowd of people, parents and siblings and friends, all excited and talking makes you take a deep breath. You practiced but it wasn’t good enough. You can never do well at something you don’t like anymore. This time, you feel guilty for committing to things half-heartedly. You want to start that fresh new college chapter already, with all of this behind.

There’s ten minutes left. You go back to the empty hall outside the lockers only to pace. This isn’t helping.

“(name)!”

You turn around abruptly to find Sungchan’s tall figure, and you must be looking miserable because his smile falls.

He doesn’t even ask what’s wrong, only takes careful steps towards you. “Do you need water? Medicine?”

His hands hover over your shoulder but he doesn’t burden you with them. You put your face in your palms and sigh, sinking down to the floor in a crouch.

“I want to quit,” you whisper. Your voice comes off more brittle than you’d like, and you realize that Sungchan hasn’t seen you cry since seventh grade when you failed a math test. You didn’t tell him then but you appreciated him studying extra hours for math just to teach you.

“You don’t have to go out there if you don’t want to,” he says quietly, dropping to the floor beside you. “I’ll stay with you.”

You stare at him dumbfounded. “Don’t be ridiculous! They’ll lose without you—you’re the ace, Sungchan!”

“There will always be an ace,” he retorts. “Maybe Jisung will finally get to shine. Or anyone else. I don’t mind spending an hour with you alone.”

You feel a hot flush spread over your cheeks. Looking away to the side, you mumble an ‘alright’ and only glance from the corner of your eye to see him smiling. Jung Sungchan is the most unreasonable boy you’ve ever met. Perhaps it makes him somewhat loveable too.

“It’s your last match,” you whisper helplessly.

“I’ll join the college soccer club and get to play more matches.”

You sigh, giving in. If he’s so adamant, you think that perhaps there is something in you worth sacrificing his game over. It makes an oddly warm feeling bloom in your chest. Sungchan is so damn convincing with his words. You wonder if it’s really okay.

With shoulders touching, an awkward silence takes over in the next second. You turn to him and open your mouth, watch him do the same and close it at the same time he does.

“You know,” he begins, “I was kind of lying about not worrying because I get the feeling coach will evaporate me tomorrow but—I can handle it. Mostly.”

You stare at him with wide, worried eyes. “You don’t have to do this, Sungchan. I’m the one running away.”

You slouch, pulling your knees closer to your chest and burying your face in them. The urge to scream is boiling within you but you can’t get caught. Not now.

“Sometimes to run is the brave thing,” he responds, insightful. “If you’re not up for it, it’s better to quit early than to regret it in the long run.”

You don’t know if it’s the fact that he just quoted Taylor Swift or spoke like your old school counselor—but you find yourself laughing. He makes sense. Sungchan, in his weird, oddball ways, always makes sense. And in that same way, he feels like home.

“You’re so good to me,” you say, looking up at him and at a proximity you’ve never been before.

It’s his turn to fluster, though he doesn’t do so as visibly as you do. He clears his throat, shifting his eyes around before meeting yours. “I- This is bad timing but… I like you. I really do. Since third grade when you drew that birthday card for me. I have it in my bedside drawer, by the way.”

He looks away and makes a face, probably wondering why he said that out loud.

You press your lips tight to prevent the smile that tugs at them. He looks at you with a wobbly smile, trying his hardest to resume his usual dignity—but he’s just a boy, after all. 

“My type is dumb and pretty, though?” You tease, the smile escaping. “You said it yourself.”

He blinks. “Well, I am pretty but if you want me to be stu—”

You shake your head. “I like you too. You don’t have to act cute.”

He pauses, thinking. “I have never acted cute in my life ever. I was born cu—”

You hold his face between your thumb and forefinger. “You do that again and you die.”

He breaks into a smile. 

“I’ve never met someone quite like you,” you whisper, embarrassed of your own feelings bubbling up from the bottle you had kept them in.

He laughs, open-mouthed and pretty. 

“Actually, hey, I didn’t like you all this time from fifth. I liked you and then I didn’t like you and then I liked you again—”

“Okay, I get it.”

His shoulders relax and he smiles at you. You look up at the clock on the wall by the entrance to the field and bite your lip. You don’t love performing anymore but you know all the girls do, even the stand-bys. Jisung might not have to take over Sungchan’s position but you bet one of those tenth graders would love to take yours, the same way you did back then. They’ve practiced harder than you too and it’s only a matter of deserving.

You take a deep breath and get up, pulling up Sungchan by the hand. He raises an eyebrow, inquisitive eyes scanning over your face and you smile at him, strengthening your resolve. You should have done this way sooner.

-

Sungchan plays. You don’t let him sit it out with you. 

Halfway through, you cheer the hardest you ever have, plastic decorative gemstones stuck by your eyes borrowed from the other girls cheering. It’s much more fun, you think. You’ve never experienced soccer like this. You’d love to sit at stadiums and join in victory chants. There’s enough weight off your chest to yell your lungs out.

Sungchan scores a goal almost immediately after and sends a thumbs up over to you. You laugh. This is the best break you’ve ever taken from cheerleading. 

“Ooh, is this perhaps the (name) effect?” Chenle’s voice rings through the speakers and you feel yourself shrink slightly under the eyes. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see your homeroom teacher signal very angrily to the commentator box. You shake yourself off it. So what if everyone’s looking?

Sungchan places his hands on his hips, chest heaving and sends another signal to you before beelining for a straight goal. You whoop and the girl with a notebook beside you is visibly annoyed at this point but you don’t care. 

Without doubt, your school wins and you watch as Sungchan runs to his team, a big smile on his face. The second he’s done getting pet by the team, however, he rushes to the bleachers, skipping over the steps to you, panting when he stops. The risk he took was definitely not calculated. He holds up one finger while he heaves.

“My cheering worked best this time, it seems,” you say to him, laughing.

His face is flushed from the exertion but he laughs heartily. “You could be yelling profanity at me and it’d still encourage me.”

You shake your head at the cheesy line. He takes a step forward, well inside your space but you don’t mind. He leans in.

“Everyone is looking at us,” he says under his breath. “Is that a good or a bad thing?”

You look behind him to find the whole team, along with your girls sharing furtive glances and giggling at the sight of the two of you. A few of the junior girls slap each other’s arms, bouncing on the balls of their feet in excitement. You’re not a celebrity. But everyone wants to cheer things on once in a while, don’t they?

“Good,” you answer, before pulling him by the shirt into a chaste kiss. When you pull apart, Sungchan’s face is so struck with awe that you want to look away but instead you bite back an obvious smile. It’s about damn time, someone from the soccer team yells.

“Woah. I think I scored a goal either way,” he says, an offbeat smile on his face.

“Oh come on, we didn’t even get to chant ‘Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!’ yet—oh shit, the mic’s on.”

Chenle is definitely getting an earful from your teacher after this. The two of you wave at him at the box and end up laughing at him trying to hide behind the desk. 

As expected, the whole crowd surrounds the two of you in less than a minute’s worth of time, with several congratulations and “good score” offered to the two of you. The boys mess up Sungchan’s hair while the girls compliment you on how cute a couple you are. There’s also the question of when you started dating that pauses the buzz and makes everyone look to the two of you for an answer. Sungchan turns to you and you turn to him, and there’s no way you’ll tell half the school that your confession came in a private hallway outside the field—teenage imaginations run wild. 

Instead, you slip your hand into Sungchan’s and run down the bleachers and towards the exit, laughter spilling from your lips. There’s only one place you can think of going to spend a cool blue late afternoon with.

“Skate plaza?” He asks.

“Skate plaza,” you answer.

[myloveforhergoeson]

man at this point idc what the btr boys are doing lmaoo im so invested in how roxy & dak are gonna go. do we ever see roxy's pool date with jo & camille? i wanna know what they think about this whole roxy dak mess he's putting her through....

hello! i wanted to respond to this rq bc i've literally been thinking about it all day

thank you for being interested in dak and roxy i was so scared people would stop reading after i introduced that little plot line! all i've gotta say is... roxy writes based off life experience or scenarios she creates in her head... so... yeah... hahahaha

i did not originally intend to show roxy's pool date with jo and camille but i will write it tomorrow after i get off work and post it asap! i've been writing the season one finale for literal weeks at this point and i'm starting to go crazy over it so itll be nice to get into a different little one shot for a bit. i'll post it in a reblog of this question so we can all find it :)

more under the cut !!!!

right now i will give you a little sneak peek about how EVERYONE feels about the roxy-dak mess because i'm generous like that, and i don't really get to show everyones feelings on it in the story bc we only get inside her head... there's a bit in chapter 13 where we see a little bit of how the guys feel about it, but i didn't want to make it a whole thing and then it kinda turned into a whole thing 🤷‍♀️

anyway: how my characters view love and roxy's relationship through some cannon events and my own personal beliefs

jo: takes absolutely no shit when it comes to love, we see this when kendall has his thing with lucy... she grew up listening to boy bands and has a standard for how men should treat her <3 plus i think she's been in one non-serious "we went on a few dates so i guess he's my boyfriend" relationship from back home so she has a little experience. she thinks dak isn't worth any more of her time after he stood her up but she is afraid to voice this to her bestie...

camille: is a hopeless romantic and would go nearly to the ends of the earth for the ones she loves. she's a "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be" kinda gal and at age 16 fully believes logan is the love of her life. i think he's her first partner! she wants roxy to be as in love as she is and thinks that, while shitty, the whole standing her up thing is just a bump in the road on their way to everlasting love

carlos: pre-established to have never been in a relationship but he's like a silly jock so i'm sure he's been on at least a few dates! he has older sisters in my story (because he feels like he was written by a woman (me. i'm that woman.)) so you know he knows the proper way to show a date a good time! he thought roxy looked so pretty on her first date and he just wants her to have a good time and be happy. if dak makes her happy, he's happy! and he was actually kind of okay with the stand up thing because they got to hang out and dance together <3

kendall: captain (?? i don't think i made this up... this is in the show right?) of the hockey team in a midwestern high school. he's had a few partners and i know his mother whooped his ass (metaphorically) into shape after she found out he goofed around too hard and hurt someone he went out with on accident... as for the roxy and dak affair, he may or may not have picked up on the fact one of his good buddies may or may not like her... he's not a fan but will not say anything bc he isn't in the business of telling her what to do (she will hit him with her songbook very hard)

logan: while a believer in his love science, he's yet to find a way to quantify how he feels about camille after the party in chapter 10 :) he dated a bit his first few years in high school (mostly double dates with james? i also think is a fact from the show), and has had a few non-serious partners but he's never felt this way about anyone else! in his love science-y world, he can tell that dak does not feel the same way about roxy as she feels about him. if he did, he would've come to the party. simple love science!

james: good lord! he has dated anyone who is someone at mountain aire high school and it's always been to elevate or retain his own social status. so when he's normally a flirt for fun, or because it makes his boring little small town feel less boring, it's always been a game to him. except somewhere along the way of flirting out of habit with his new friend, he might have started to actually mean some of the things he's said. he thinks dak's a douche for standing her up and he's trying to make that clear to her the only way he knows how: vague hints and comments here and there. another established james fact is he's never been dumped, so i imagine this brings up a little bit of fear of rejection in him as well. he has trouble voicing his own feelings as well, since he's always trying to come across as perfect.

whoo boy that was way more than i though it was gonna be lol. if you make it this far, you deserve a medal. thanks for the suggestion! i'm excited to write the pool date... we haven't had enough roxy/jo/camille in the fic lately

[anne-i-write]

moriarty the patriot headcannons

| requested by anon: can you write headcanons for moriarty brothers meeting and having dinner with s/o's parents for the first time? and s/o's father is overprotective. thanks 🤍🙆🏻 |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader

word count: 1857

tw: mentions of toxic behavior in albert’s hcs

a/n: IM BACK AND THRIVING BBS!!! it’s so good to be back again to writing!!! hhh i’m so sorry if this is far from what you wanted but i hope you all enjoy it nonetheless!!!! lowkey went off the railings w this one so 👀 also if i missed any tags, please let me know!!!!!

william: 803 words

it had been you and your father since you were younger bc your mom was the “lucky” choice of some noble

but you wouldn’t have it any other way

you two are very close and everyone in the town knows

that, and that you both hate nobles

so it’s no surprise when the moriartys move into town, you’re both less than pleased

you always try your best to avoid them whenever they come into your town and your father always begs his friends to take the nobles as customers, despite the fact it could be good for business

but the town you lived in was particularly small and you did end up bumping into william

literally

some stupid man didn’t see you crossing the road and you were nearly crushed by the carriage if it hadn’t been for the hand that pulled at your wrist

“i swear people these days don’t know how to drive carriages.”

you don’t know who you were expecting

BUT ANYONE BUT A NOBLE

“are you alright?”

“i’m fine thank you—“

you’re absolutely flustered

how did i not know that this was a noble??? he smells so clean!

“i’ve got to be on my way now!” and you left william there with no explanation

but lil did you know he actually knew who you were

or to an extent, you weren’t as sneaky as you’d hoped you’d be

he saw you hiding in corners and alleyways every time you two accidentally made eye contact

and some of the townsfolk actually told him a little about you and your father so he understood why you weren’t too welcoming

but to take great lengths to avoid him??? he is very intrigued

so he starts off small, trying to send you a kind smile before you dart off behind a fruit stall

he really tries his best to get close to you and after a few weeks (and a few persuasive friends), he finally gets to hold a conversation with you

and boy does he fall FAST

it takes a while but you finally reciprocate his feelings and he thinks its smooth sailing from there right???

lmao everyone knows your father is literally the most intimidating looking man that could ever walk the earth

if they didn’t know him personally, they would be afraid of getting curb stomped 🤠

i mean,, he’s a big softie but god forbid anyone even DARES to look at you in a romantic light

you warn william of this and he’s like “don’t worry love, it shouldn’t be too bad”

it is bad

even william has cold hands bc your father is giving him the dirtiest look

dinner isn’t even dinner it’s a grill with how much questions your father is asking him

it does NOT help that he’s a noble

“so,,, you’re a noble”

“your cooking is amazing sir”

your father leaves the table for a little bit and you can hear the quiet sigh of relief from william

“i’m sorry for my father”

“no, no,,, i just,,, your father’s really intimidating, isn’t he?”

you let out a chuckle and william relaxed, a soft smile gracing his lips

“he can be, but it’s just something he does.” you threw a wistful gaze at the door your father disappeared before.

“he’s just worried about you, i can see it. he doesn’t want you around people like me.” you grabbed his hand over the table and he gently squeezed your hand.

“if anything, if he’d give you a chance, he’d want me to be with you. noble or not”

you both continue to have a delightful conversation, your sweet laughs filling the room

however, you didn’t know your father was listening in on your conversation and he couldn’t agree more with william

your mother left with more than just a curt goodbye and unshed tears

she left you with a tear stained letter filled with sorrowful regrets and sincere apologies

he knew you would eventually grow up to be critical of the world and if you were to find out that your mother had left unwillingly, he was afraid that you would be too bitter towards the world

but as he hears your laugh and his worries are dulled down a little

he sees you smiling so happily at william and when he chances a glance at the noble beside you, his worries are completely erased

william’s looking at you the same way everyone swore he looked at your mother

it’s a gentle gaze filled with love and kindness, one that he knew could protect you and take care of you

your father hated nobles and hovered over you when it came to love

but he couldn’t help but hold back on questions when he came back and you instantly noticed that your father took a liking william

louis: 508 words

everyone knew you as “Little Noble” in your town

the sole reason being your father literally treating you like a noble lmao

he gave you the best of everything he could afford and tried his best to not let you do any work

tried

of course, you were a little angel and you HAD to help otherwise you’d cry about making someone else tired when you could’ve easily helped

you’ve carried this trait until your early twenties and there were no signs that you would stop

hence why you were bringing home some fresh fruits from the stall clerk before a man bumps into you

you were so caught off guard that your knee buckled and you fell on your butt

everyone was stunned into silence as you fell but louis was so apologetic

so when he helped you back up, he felt the chilling stares of the town burning into his back

and then you apologize for bumping into him when he was the one who bumped into you and you fell??????

“please, let me make you something! i feel so bad!”

he tries to decline but there was this odd pressure to say yes to you

he ends up going home with you

you’re both in front of the door before your father opens it, his eyes wide

“who is this boy?”

“oh, i didn’t get his name on the way here. what is your name?”

your poor father’s heart is pounding way too fast for his liking

“oh! look at that, thank you so much for bringing my child home! you should be going home now”

he tries to shut the door on louis but you hold it open and beckon louis inside

“i invited him here! i accidentally bumped into him earlier so i offered to make him something!”

louis is so awkward pls

your father reluctantly lets him in but gives him a side eye the whole time he’s in the house

“does your child do this often?”

“why? do you find it strange?”

YOUR FATHER IS SO PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE PLEASE SAVE LOUIS

anyways, you finish making your treat and give it to louis, your father glaring at your interaction

louis is still a little stiff but the more you talk to him, his guard is let down a little

soon enough he has to leave and you wish him well

he leaves with a wave and a kind smile and you look over at your father who had been scowling since you appeared at the front door

“he is a bit cute, don’t you think father?”

your father sputters, stunned by your bold claim

“y-you’re still too young to think about men like that!”

you laugh and shut the front door, teasing your poor father about finding love while also wondering if you would meet louis again

as you talk with your father behind closed doors, louis smiles to himself as he thinks about the unusual encounter today

surely, if i met them again tomorrow, it would make for a pleasant day

albert: 546 words

he meets your father before he meets you

it was during a ball your parents organized in order to connect with the more prestigious nobles around you

your parents were obsessed with the way your family was viewed and apparently being an earl wasn’t enough

so albert hears about you when your father boasts about how you’re the perfect child who answered to his every beck and call

in all honesty, albert was disgusted

no one deserved to be brought up like that

he casually makes his way into the conversation and your father is seething

“my child is your age, it’s a shame you act like this, i would have thought of you as a prime husband for them”

who is this earl to tell him what to do?

needless to say your father crosses him off of the guest list for the next ball

days go by and your father doesn’t know that you’re currently in town, doing what you can to help the working class as best as you can

it is on one particular day of visiting an orphanage do you run into the eldest moriarty brother

you two exchange polite greetings and you both pause

“your father is the earl, is he not?”

“you are a general of the army, are you not?”

a brief mention of your father and your mood dulls slightly

“yes, but i’m here on my own accord”

he would kill you if he found out you were amongst the “filth” as he called them

“well, i’ve brought books for the children, would you like to help me read some to them?”

he seemed sincere enough to not want anything more from you, so you agreed

he was actually very pleasant to be around and you find yourself enjoying his company

the meetups continued to happen and soon enough, albert finds himself standing in front of the doors to your family estate

your father is not pleased at all

“it’s nice to meet you again, sir”

“i didn’t forget about what you said to me at our first meeting”

and you’re sitting there like,, ????? they’ve met??? and your father doesn’t like albert???????

of course, inviting albert to your home would have repercussions but you didn’t expect your father to be so hostile

he was always hostile towards other nobles unless they were of higher importance than him

but for him to hate albert so quickly and openly??? this was quite new

you had mentioned that your father has always been one for power so it was clear to albert that you obviously grew up in a home that was more,,, toxic than protective

it was at dinner that this behavior reached its peak and albert despised the atmosphere and the way your father treated you

“i’ve come here to ask for your child’s hand in marriage”

your father rejects the idea without any hesitation

“i refuse to have them live the rest of their life in your household when they could do so much better”

when you invited albert that night, you knew there would be repercussions with your father

but what you didn’t expect was that you would leave your father and adopt the moriarty name as your own, the family welcoming you with open arms

moriarty the patriot taglist: @zoehanji

[2jaeh]

THREE DAYS  I  LEE TAEYONG

When your over controlling boyfriend invites you and his best friend to a three day resort did he not see trouble approaching? especially when said best friend has been trying to get in bed with you since the moment he met you.

Genre: mature theme, slight smut

warnings: cheating, suggestive masterbation, slight public scenes, cursing. 

words: 3k

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“Are you sure it's okay for me to tag along ?” Taeyong spoke into the phone as he threw a dress shirt into his already overflowing suitcase. “Okay cool, well I`ll see you guys at the resort then.” Taeyong sighed as he cut the call and took a good look at himself in the mirror. He wondered if he was too overdressed, or not dressed enough. He bit down on his lip and looked at the caller ID, his best friend Inseong holding on to the person Taeyong desired most, Inseong`s girlfriend. 

He had no idea when this “crush” began, if you could call it that at this point. Inseong and Taeyong had been casual university friends for a while but it was after graduation, when they both got hired by the same corporate office did they really establish a close friendship. 

Taeyong and Inseong did most things together, whether it be catching up at music events or a sunday afternoon golf trip. But if he were being honest, the real reason he loved hanging out with Inseong was because he knew he’d bring her around, the girl who had stolen his heart without having the slightest clue. 

DAY 1 : FRI

“Taeyong is afraid he is going to third wheel” Inseong chuckled as he concentrated on the open road in front of him, casually looking over at you scoffing down a bag of jelly tots. 

“Youre working though” you stuck your tongue out at him, “Im gonna be just as alone as he is.”

“I guess you are” Inseong let out a sigh, “I don't understand why the dude cant get a date though he’s pretty good looking right?”

“Uhm yeah he's attractive.” Attractive was an understatement. You will never forget the day Inseong introduced you to Taeyong, It was around the time you two just started dating about two years ago, and you had never seen someone that good looking up close before. It wasn't the fact that you didn’t find your boyfriend attractive, you loved Inseong and he was a good looking guy but Taeyong, he was different. 

Taeyong barely spoke to you but he was always polite and had a warm aura unlike the rest of Inseongs friends. He was the one you got along with most and because of that Inseong had a habit of inviting him on many of your trips, much like the one you're venturing on now. 

You stuffed the empty snack packets into a trash bag as Inseong pulled into a very fancy resort one you weren't quite familiar with. Inseong was actually on a work trip that involved meeting with potential clients and partners, this did not include Taeyongs sector but their boss allowed him to bring you two along as a treat. Inseong’s firm absolutely adored him, which made sense because he was practically married to his job. 

“I'm going to get the room keys” Inseong placed a peck on your cheek and you watched him jog off to the front desk while you meandered around the foyer of the hotel. 

“y/n” you heard a chirpy voice call from behind you. Turning you were met with those bold black orbs and that ever so charming smile.

“Taeyong” you grinned back pulling him into a tight hug that drowned you in his rich scented perfume. 

Taeyong wasn't sure if you noticed his fingers linger on the small of your back. He would always leave you small signs but you’d never notice. His bright eyes dulled for a second when your attention turned back to Inseong who returned with the room keys. 

“Oh you're here great! y/n and I are staying in the room next to yours, do you mind taking her up ?” Inseong said, handing Taeyong both sets of keys. 

“What? You’re not coming up to see the room ?” you asked, a little hurt that he was already ditching you on this trip. 

“Sorry honey they want to do a meet and greet and tour of the resort, i'll be up as soon as it's over” Inseong gently stroked your head and you watched him walk off with one of the resort employees.

“I guess it's just you and me then” Taeyong smiled although regretting his words when he saw the fake smile grace your face and made your way over to the elevators. Taeyong was all too familiar with this scene. Inseong being busy, he excludes you from the rest of his corporate friends and eventually calls on him to babysit you. He wondered if you resented him solely because of Inseong’s habits. He tried his best to always make you feel comfortable even if it put him in the most uncomfortable position both mentally...and physically. 

“Well I'm going to take a nap so I'll see you around I guess” you pressed your lips together and took the room key from him. 

“Are you not gonna eat anything ? We could go down for Lun-”

“I'm good Taeyong, I'll see you later okay ?” Taeyong watched as you disappeared into the room and it felt like he had been punched in his stomach. 

DAY 2 : SAT

Taeyong lay in bed utterly exhausted after barely getting a wink of sleep courtesy of the screaming match that happened last night. Although muffled, Taeyong already knew it was about Inseong coming back at around 3am. ‘What meeting would go on until that time especially on the first day’ Taeyong thought as he rubbed his bare chest and stared up at the ceiling. Inseong loved his job and he loved socializing with people who shared that interest. To him coming home at that time absolutely plastered was normal, because it was part of his work lifestyle. 

Taeyong groaned and turned onto his stomach, burying his head into the pillow as he heard your sobs replaying in his head from the fight. He was tired of sitting around not doing anything when he knew for a fact he could treat you way better. At moments like this he didn't give two shits about Inseong, especially after he got the new promotion and made a new friend group of pretentious assholes. Taeyong wanted to be with you by your own choice, he wanted to hang out with you without Inseongs name attached to the reason you two were together. 

Just as he was lost in his thoughts Taeyong’s ears perked at the sound of Inseong leaving the room and the sound of the shower running. 

“No fuck not now please not now” Taeyong groaned as he felt shudder overcome his body and his underwear became slightly restricted. His mind raced with thoughts of you. It all came to him so quickly he barely noticed that his hand was already down his sweatpants as he buried his face further into his pillow. He wished he was with you. The things he would do to you were unspeakable. He wouldn't give a shit if Inseong walked through those doors finding him on top of girlfriend, he didn't care. 

You finished drying yourself off and put on a cute yellow sundress that hugged your curves, showing off the two piece bikini that Inseong told you not to wear around the resort especially when he wasn't with you. This was payback for the way he treated you last night. Not only did he ditch you in a foreign room for an entire evening, he also returned drunk out of his mind and blamed you as usual for not taking care of him. You wanted to at least enjoy whatever you could from this trip and if it meant looking hot and hanging out with Taeyong, then so be it. 

You made your way next door and rang the doorbell patiently waiting for your assigned babysitter. Taeyong swung open the door, dressed in only in a pair of black harem pants and a towel on his neck that he used to dry his hair. You took in the site of his bare chest, drinking in his pretty figure that matched his gorgeous face. 

“I'm sorry I was gonna go down for breakfast I was wondering….i’ll just wait outside”  you stuttered and you heard Taeyong giggle

“Come inside y/n.” 

You walked inside his room and it was surprisingly neat in comparison to yours. You felt kinda embarrassed at the state of your room even though most of it were Inseongs doing anyway. 

Taeyong continued drying his hair as he watched you scan his room, his eyes already on your figure in that goddamn sundress. His only thoughts were ripping it off until he noticed you were staring right back at him. 

“Your hair is sticking up a bit at the back, here let me help you” 

Taeyong watched as you approached his figure and reached up to neaten his hair. He really admired his will power to keep his hands off your body as you inched closer and closer to him. 

“Thanks” he smiled sweetly masking his dark intent and threw on a loose hawaiian shirt gesturing towards the door, “shall we?”

The two of you had a decent day lounging around the pool area and took a stroll on the beach before heading back for lunch. You never expected to bump into Inseong and his colleagues during lunch and the way Inseong looked at your outfit, you knew you’d never hear the end of it. He practically ignored you the entire time while he and his friends chatted away, even going as far as introducing Taeyong to a few of them but not you. 

Just before you and Taeyong made your way to the elevators to retreat back to the rooms, Inseong jogged over and tugged on your wrist. 

“I know we had it out last night but was all of this really necessary ?” Inseong gritted his teeth as he looked over your skimpy outfit. 

“I thought it was cute, not everything I do is to ruin your perfect life Inseong” you rolled your eyes and pressed the button to signal the elevator. 

Inseong let out an exasperated sigh and released your wrist before massaging his temple. 

“Just dont pull this kinda shit at the dinner tomorrow please, the chairman is going to be there.”

You and Taeyong watched as Inseong stomped away and Taeyong noticed that for once instead of beating yourself up about Inseongs reaction you seemed somewhat proud to piss him off to that extent. 

“I'm sorry you're always in the middle of all of this Taeyong” you apologized as the two of you stepped onto your floor and made your way to the rooms. 

“It's okay y/n it's not your fault, and besides I think you look ridiculously hot in that dress” he replied and licked his lips as you felt your face heat up with his bold words. “Also,” he continued as he scanned his room key

“I think you should own it, wear something sexy tomorrow, not for Inseong but for yourself and maybe a little for me.” 

DAY 3 : SUN

You looked at yourself in the mirror, smoothing out the classy black velvety dress you had saved for a night out. The dress was intended for a Valentines date with Inseong but that never happened because he had a more important meeting to attend. 

As you made final touches to your outfit you wondered if subconsciously you did also dress up for Taeyong. God the way he looked at you when he told you to wear something sexy, you hadn't felt flustered yet intrigued like that in a long time. 

You put on the final touches to your make up and made your way down to the banquet room. You already felt a bit awkward as you noticed a few people stare at you and whisper until you saw Taeyong. You barely noticed Inseong sit directly in front of him, all you could see was Taeyongs dark eyes taking every bit of you in. 

Inseong’s eyes though we're different. He looked annoyed but still got up to help you into your seat which was weirdly next to Taeyong instead of him. But then it dawned on you when you noticed that the name card next to him was the chairman. 

Typical. That was all he cared about in the end. 

Taeyong’s eyes were still on you as you took your seat, unbothered if Inseong even noticed at this point, he was in awe. Did you dress up because he told you to ? Did you dress up for yourself and maybe, just maybe for him ?

“You look gorgeous y/n” he whispered, his deep voice sent a shiver down your spine. You brushed your hair behind your ear and nodded a thank you, trying to keep your focus elsewhere. Although Taeyong was conversing with the people at the table something made you feel as if you still had his full attention. 

You almost jumped when you felt his cold fingers trace circles on your knee, his focus was still in his conversation but yours was solely on his movements. Taeyong lightly squeezed your thigh to test the waters, a smirk he indefinitely couldn't hide graced his face and he allowed his hand to move higher. 

You gulped as he began to move, completely entranced by his touch as you felt him trace more circles on your upper thigh until his hand settled in your lap. Taeyong moved his chair closer to you and the table in order to obstruct the view of a passerby or any suspicious eyes at the table. 

“You work with Inseong right?” a man said to Taeyong as he laced his fingers with yours under the table.

All of it was so incredibly promiscuous but it gave you an adrenaline rush and Taeyong knew you were completely on board when you squeezed his hand back and bit down on your lip. 

Taeyong grabbed your hand and placed it in his own lap, allowing you to feel exactly what you were doing to him at this moment. You sucked in a breath as you palmed him and he gave your thigh another squeeze, this time much harder, rougher than before. 

Eventually into the night you decided to excuse yourself and Inseong preferred it anyway. You couldn't believe how oblivious he was to the closeness of you and Taeyong that it only angered you even more of how he would really choose these fake people over his girlfriend for the night. 

As you made your way to the elevator you didn't even realise Taeyong had already followed you there, putting on his usual laid back demeanor. The two of you stepped into the elevator and it was silent. You wondered why he was so quiet especially after pulling that stunt during dinner. Completely confused you grabbed your room key but before you could scan it Taeyong blocked your path, scanning his room key and pulled you inside his room not giving you any time to process this. 

He was all over you, his lips his hands his body, you felt almost every part of him as he pressed you against the wall. He used his knee to separate your legs as he planted open mouthed kisses on your neck, practically growling into your ear when he heard a moan escape your lips. 

“I-I didn't do anything in case someone from dinner saw us” he explained as he found the hook of your dress but stopped to look in your eyes, “are you okay with this?” 

You answered him by practically ripping open his white dress shirt and ran your hands down his body. Taeyong smirked and moved you to the bed, ridding himself of his shoes and trousers before attacking your neck once more. 

“I'm sorry if this all moves too fast I literally can't help myself” he growled once more as you got undressed and the sight of you in your scantily clad underwear made him lightheaded. 

“Well its best we hurry the fuck up before that asshole comes back” you sighed as you pulled him on top of you. 

“Fuck I dont want to hear about him, youre mine right now” Taeyong groaned and skillfully unclipped your bra and rid you of your lace panties. You bit down on your lip as you watched him pull down his boxers and free his member, licking your lips unconsciously. 

“Don't worry baby you can suck it next time” he teased and without warning pushed himself into you with one brisk movement. The room filled with both of your moans as Taeyong’s hips slammed into yours, while one hand laced his fingers with yours while the other was wrapped around your throat. 

“Oh my God Taeyong” you cried completely in ecstasy thanks to the way Taeyong handled you. He was animalistic yet not hurting you in any way. His eyes burned holes into yours as he moved his hips faster and faster until you came undone and he followed straight after. 

Taeyong quickly cleaned you up and kissed you softly, his touches were much lighter as he held your face in his hands moving his lips gracefully against yours. 

“I'm going to end things with him Taeyong I can't take it anymore” you rested your head on his chest as he stroked your hair. 

“I know baby just do whats best for you, and just know I actually do like you like really fucking like you” he replied and he felt you smile. 

“You fell for me in three days ?” you giggled against his chest. 

“No baby i've liked you since the day I met you, these three days were for you to finally come to your senses.”