#like that shit hurts way more than unrequited romantic love

[whereistheonepiece]

Learned this the hard way this year! And I can say confidently that this has been the worst year of my life, but I can also say it wasn't for nothing because it's forced me to grow and work on changing myself so I don't make myself needlessly suffer when people act like...people.

Going into 2025, I'm done putting my hand in the fire.

[heartilywrites]

crawling back to you ; c. hyunju

request guide | masterlist

summary: where a friendship blossoms to something new

cw: angst ; comfort ; cho hyunju x fem!reader ; r and hyunju are the same height ; a shit ton of narration ; non-squid games au ; no use of y/n

wc: 3.8k

a/n: based on this request, this has to be my longest fic so far,,, i hope it makes sense my brain tried to write a shit ton of things at the same time that i got a mental stroke. HOPE Y'ALL ENJOY IT MUA

How is it possible for a person to feel so much in such little time? Is a question you would ask yourself every time your eyes landed on your best friend. Only the gods knew the amount of love your heart could feel with the simple fact of it knowing Hyunju existed, knowing that she was in your life and by your side. But oh, they do say the heart that loves too much gets hurt the worse.

Your hand looked for Hyunju’s while the small group of friends were talking about trivial things, interlacing her fingers with yours, letting your thumb make circular caresses on her skin; you couldn’t pinpoint it at the moment, but feeling Hyunju made you feel more at ease, like you were complete.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You guys should get a room.” one of your mutual friends said with a funny smile, Hyunju and you turned to look at the same time with the same confused look. “Oh my god, I want to be at the wedding.”

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “We’re actually married,” you defended with a big smile. Hyunju just pushed you softly like asking you to stop. “Respect my wife.”

While you were giggling, Hyunju’s ears got red with the comment and with a shy smile she shook her head to such comment.

The woman and you had known each other for quite some time now, you’ve been by her side before she started to accept who she was, you were there to lend a hand every time she needed it and never asked for anything back. She had learned what true friendship looked like, what being in a healthy environment was like, what being loved by who she really is felt like, all while being by your side, you had shown her there was more to what she knew. That life really was worth living.

And at some point, you two started to be in some kind of a limbo. You started to acknowledge your feelings for her when you found yourself trying to see her in every person you went out with, wondering how her lips would feel and taste like while looking at her talk so enthusiastically about something new she found, daydreaming about how would it be to wake up next to her, feel her warmth since early in the morning, being able to caress her to show her how loved she was by you.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hi, sorry to bother you,” a girl got close to you on the subway, you opened one eye alert to what she had to say. “I just want to let you know you two look so cute together.”

Sitting together, you had your head resting on Hyunju’s shoulder while she had one of your hands between hers, keeping it warm. “Oh, we’re just friends” the woman was quick to intervene, you smiled a little and nodded to it.

And you knew you were condemned to bleed your heart out when little comments like that would make your chest hurt. Why would it hurt? It was the truth, you were just friends. But that’s not what you wanted, you needed to be more than just friends, your heart ached and claimed to be loved by her in a romantic way, but you knew deep down there really wasn’t any chance for a relationship, so what else could you do but accept the crude reality? Even if it hurt you, even if it prevented you from moving on. Maybe you were destined to suffer from unrequited love.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hyun, can you lend me your black pants? Mine is in the washer, my shift is about to start.” you asked the woman, walking around in pajamas and your work shirt on one hand.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “It’s in my closet.” she pointed with her hand while still looking at her phone, you turned back to her room. “There’s a belt too just in case.”

You had stayed the night at her place after coming almost at midnight from the little reunion with your friends. She insisted that you stayed with her, claiming it was dangerous to walk home so late at night by yourself and how could you say no to her? You didn’t have the heart to deny, she had lent you a pair of pajamas. Since you were the same height there were times where she lent you clothes that fit perfectly like dresses and shirts, even when your style was different from hers you would take the chance to keep the piece of clothing, your heart feeling proud to be wearing something of hers with her scent.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I’m leaving!” you started to collect your things with a bit of hurry. “I’ll see you tonight? We have your favorite song on the playlist today.”

When you turned to look at Hyunju, she seemed so invested on her phone that made you frown a bit. You called for her, she jumped just a little on her seat and nodded. “Sorry, I’ll be there! Save me a place at the booth.”

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hope you’re not cheating on me.” you jokingly said while walking to her, leaving a small kiss on her forehead, she gave you a soft hit on the arm. “Be careful when you leave, I’ll see you when I see you.”

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Careful, hun! Look both ways when crossing!” she exclaimed while you ran out the door.

Almost like if you were a soul being carried by the devil you left the house running to the bus stop. Your body was concentrating on getting to the bar in time, while your mind was diverting to the interaction. What was so important to Hyunju to keep her attention on her phone? Was she talking to someone? If she was, it wasn’t your business, was it? She was a free woman to do whatever she wanted, why did it hurt? Why was your heart breaking?

Thankfully, that night was a busy one, you couldn’t get your thoughts to keep wondering on questions that most likely would hurt your heart even more. The last couple of hours of your shift you were asked to step into the stage with your other colleagues who played instruments to start the live music time of the bar. Your eyes looked all over the place for Hyunju, frowning for a second when you didn’t spot her at first, but when the segment was presented you forced yourself to smile to the audience that was clapping.

You took a deep breath in, she couldn’t have missed the segment on purpose, right? By the end of the whole set you took a couple of bows by yourself and with the rest of your colleagues before stepping out the stage, everyone to keep with their shift and you to clock out of yours. When gathering your things on the bar you heard your name being called, looking up you saw your friend smiling so brightly that made you smile too, but such expression hesitated when you saw her by the arm of another man. You shook your head and made sure to hide the hurt on your face.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hey, Hyun! I thought you didn’t make it.” you said over the music, putting on your jacket.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I did! We were just a little late.” she answered back, you tilted your head to the side a little confused. “Oh, yeah. This is Gyeong Seok, we’re…” her words stayed on the air, like trying to think how she could say it to you softly.

When she took longer than expected you introduced yourself to the man, extending your hand his way. He was chipperly smiling at you. “It’s a pleasure meeting you, Hyunju has told me a lot about you.”

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hopefully good things.” you said giggling a little bit, the two in front of you copied your action. “Well I’m leaving, my shift is over. Hope you guys enjoy the night.” you tried to escape the scene as fast as you could, being held by your friend.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “We can take you! We’re also leaving, I just came to see you.” your eyes looked directly at the woman, you could see a special spark on them.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I don’t want to bother..” you continue, shaking your head.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You’re not bothering!” the man now spoke, making your eyes leave Hyunju’s to look at him now. “I insist, we want to make sure you get home safely.”

Even when you tried to hate the man, you couldn’t find it in you. He seemed so nice and judging on how he treated Hyunju he was attentive too. On the back seat of the car you were watching how their dynamic was, wondering what did he have that Hyunju couldn’t see in you? Why would he be the one to bring those big smiles on her face and not you? How could he make her blush with his compliments and yours couldn’t?

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Rest well, hun.” Hyunju said from the window of the co-pilot, taking your hands into hers. Still warm, you thought. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Alright, get home safe.” you said back, leaving a small kiss on the crown of her head. “Let me know when you arrive.”

Hyunju nodded, smiling at you with comprehension.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Thank you for the ride, Gyeong Seok,” you squatted a bit to look over to him now, and he smiled softly your way. “Please take care of Hyunju, get home safe too.”

He giggled and nodded. “Will do, it was nice to meet you.”

After a while you let go of Hyunju’s hands and walked over to your apartment, her eyes just followed you inside and her hands clenched into a fist in the absence of yours. Biting her bottom lip after taking a deep breath in and turning back to the man with a smile, like nothing happened.

Hyunju had been thinking for days now if she was making the right move by accepting going out with Gyeong Seok, maybe if she gave him an opportunity she could finally start to move on from her feelings for you, because… Let’s be honest, would you really want to be with her in a relationship? She usually thought, why would you be with her when there were prettier women out there who would be so lucky to have you? But she wanted to be that woman, she wanted to be the one who loved and took care of you. She wanted you to come home to her, tell her all about your shift while her fingers were detangling your hair with your head resting on her lap. Oh, how her heart longed to be loved by yours, but it was convinced you didn’t see anything other than a friendship with her. So she settled for the closest thing she could have to have you: Gyeong Seok.

And he was a gentleman with her, she would give him that, but he was not you. He didn’t have your smile or your scent, he didn’t laugh like you did, he didn’t have that special spark on his eyes that she loved to see in yours when she was talking about her interests and his touch definitely did not feel like yours did on her skin.

The next couple of days you hardly heard from Hyunju, fearing she just didn’t need you anymore you stopped trying to get to her like you used to. Maybe it was for the best? Maybe this would finally make you open your eyes and start to move on from her, it was a hopeless case the second she started to clarify you were just friends to other people, but your heart blindly held tight to an invincible hope that she would see how you yearn for her love and would correspond you. How naive of you, how stupid of you. You used the time to focus completely on your work and try to find a hobby for your free times, not noticing how much time you spent with Hyunju until then.

And the woman felt so desolated when she stopped hearing from you, she tried to get the friendship back to what it was, but was met with a cold shoulder from your side so she simply stopped trying. She attempted to convert that loneliness feeling into something positive to direct it over to her new relationship, but it simply didn’t feel the same, she didn’t feel the same. She felt wrong being with the man, it felt… It felt awful and she felt sorry for him, but she couldn’t help herself and she couldn’t bring herself to look for you either, so she began to accept her fate. Was this really what she wanted? Date nights with Gyeong Seok, kissing him to greet him or as a goodbye… Or just as an act of love, calling him cute names and even staying over at his home, interacting with his little girl who had become a bit of fresh air to her between her inner fight. Was that the life she had imagined for herself?

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I think this isn’t working out.” Gyeong Seok said one night on a restaurant date, his eyes stayed comprehensive and soft even if they were hurt. Hyunju raised her eyebrows at the sudden comment. “I know you’re trying your best, Hyunju, but… I feel like your heart has been claimed by someone else a long time ago.”

The woman giggled a bit confused. “What do you mean?” the man sitting in front of him named you, making her blink surprised. “We’re just friends, Gyeong Seok.”

The black-haired man reached to take one of Hyunju’s hands with gentleness. “I know I’m not one to snoop on other people’s relationships, but you just seem distant with me ever since she has been away.”

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Yeah, but––.” the woman tried to keep defending herself, but Gyeong Seok simply shook his head.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “It really has been a delight to be with you, Hyunju, she’s going to be so fortunate to have you by herself if you two give it a chance.” he let go from her hand and took a couple of bills from his wallet. “Dinner is on me today, please enjoy it and… Think about what I say, you are worth it, she would be an idiot to let you go just like that.”

Hyunju looked at the man leaving, surprised by the sudden break up, but she didn’t feel bad at all she felt… Liberated, she felt happy. At the same time, she started to feel confused and a sadness began to crawl alongside her confusion, now what? Should she confess to you? What makes her think that you would accept her feelings for you after leaving you like nothing for Gyeong Seok? What if after saying how she really feels you would cut her off completely? The gods knew how important you were for her, how she needed you in her life, being completely cut off by you would finish killing her.

Hyunju was so deep in her thoughts that she didn’t realize she had walked to your work. It was a weekday so there weren't enough people in the bar, just the employees and a couple of recurring customers. Your sweet voice pierced her ears the second she walked into the bar, a slow version of Do I Wanna Know? was being played by the band and sang by you. Shyly she started to walk over to the front of the bar, taking a seat on one of the booths and asking for a drink to one of the waiters walking.

Brown eyes firmly fix on your silhouette, even if it had been a couple of weeks apart, you were just as beautiful as ever. She had always loved how your black uniform made you look, sitting on a tall bank you were singing your heart out with your eyes closed. She didn’t know how you were able to convey your feelings in the way you sang, but the way you were singing the cover at that moment made her heart hurt. Maybe it was just the whole situation and the fact that it was you out of all people singing such hurtful lyrics.

When you opened your eyes for the first time since beginning the song, you met those brown eyes you’ve been dreaming with for the past nights. Hyunju smiled a little bit to you, your frown was raised a bit with confusion and overwhelmed, you were just thinking of her while singing those lyrics. She was the reason you had asked to include the song to the set, music was your way to acknowledge your feelings and at that moment they were a tangled bundle.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Ever thought of calling when you've had a few? ‘Cause I always do.” a funny smile painted your face when saying that line, it was ironic to sing it with Hyunju watching you because you, in fact, had thought of calling her after a few drinks, being stopped by a friend or a coworker.

You tried with all your strength not to look at Hyunju, because you knew if you looked at her in that moment you would fold in front of her, you would take your heart right out your chest to give it to her.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Maybe I'm too busy being yours to fall for somebody new,” but oh, your heart was stronger than you. While pronouncing such lines your eyes traveled to your friend’s who was still staring right at you, she had a troubled look on her orbs that made it impossible to read them. “Now, I've thought it through… Crawling back to you.”

Even when you had finished and the small amount of people were clapping, your whole attention was on Hyunju and how she was staring back with a shy smile and her ears red, she was clapping too.

You just turned to thank the small audience when your coworker took your hand for the final bow, you walked out the stage and took your apron again. You could still feel Hyunju’s gaze on your every move, your head turned to her after a couple of minutes acting like nothing and she called you with her hand. You turned to look for someone else and when you confirmed all your coworkers were busy you sighed and walked to her booth.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “How may I be at service?” you asked, taking your notepad out. Hyunju made a small grimace calling your name in such a pleading way that made your heart race.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I want to talk to you… Please?” she pointed to the sofa in front of her, you hesitated to her request, but those big brown eyes looking at you made your ego disappear and you end up sitting with her.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “You look beautiful, Hyun.” the comment came automatically out of your mouth, the woman smiled big and your heart was so close to melt. “What are you doing here?”

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I needed to see you,” she began, playing with the straw on her drink. “I, uhm… I missed you.”

Her eyes were avoiding yours, embarrassed, she had to confess right there or else Hyunju feared she would explode so she took a deep breath in and talked again before you had the chance to.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I know I distanced myself from you, but I need to tell you something.” she took a small pause, mentally preparing herself for whatever was about to come. Her eyes met yours for the first time since you had seated. “Gyeong Seok and I are no longer seeing each other.”

You straightened your back at such news, a bit worried you leaned closer. “What happened? Are you… Are you okay?”

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Yes! Sorry, uhm, I’m okay, it’s just…” she made a small grimace to think her next words, you let her get her thoughts together without any pressure and she thanked you silently for it. “He told me something that stuck with me.”

The moment started to feel like it was just the two of you, as if you weren’t in a bar on a weekday, like the music was distant. Like you two were the only people in the world inside a bubble keeping you from the world outside. The only thing that mattered in that moment was her and you.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “He said that it felt like my heart was claimed by someone else a long time ago.” you took a deep breath in, part of you knew where that was going, but the pessimistic part kept saying she didn’t love you back. “And I’ve been thinking about this for quite some time now.”

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Hyunju, what’s—?” she shook her head and took your hands on her, asking for your full attention.

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I love you. I have loved you for years now, but I have always felt like you didn’t love me back.” your face turned to full surprise, oh the irony. “I have always felt like I didn’t deserve you, like you deserve someone better, someone who would love you like you deserve to, like—”

Now it was your turn to interrupt her. “Are you kidding? I have loved you since I met you.” her words got stuck on her tongue at the sudden confession, she blinked a couple of times before frowning a little. You squeezed her hands a little. “I felt like I was the one who didn’t deserve you so I settled for a friendship, I would do anything to be by your side even if that meant seeing you be happy with someone else.”

 ‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I can’t be happy with anyone else except for you.” she confessed, now standing up to sit by your side. “And I had to almost lose you to realise that you’re the one I love.”

You didn’t waste a second more, taking her face in your palms, your lips met hers in a soft, but enthusiastic kiss. It felt like everything fell in place, like you two were finally complete after so long. After the odyssey that was loving her in secret, you finally felt like it was all worth it, there wasn’t better price than to hear her say she reciprocated your feelings, feeling how her lips claimed yours in such a needy and sweet way that just confirmed you she loved you with such strength that it could suffocate the two of you at any moment, making the two of you feel excited for the future that was being written for both from now on.

[moralesluvr]

IDFC | BILLIE EILISH.

୧ ‧₊˚ your best friend comes home drunk again, and you realize that hiding your love for her is dawning on you more than you thought. | part two

pairings & aus. billie eilish x fem!reader warnings. angst & nothing but it | unrequited love | no happy ending (but do tell if you want a part two...) author's note. hello second upload of the day!! (this is so unlike me) but i had this revolutionary idea while listening to idfc by blackbear...so here's this very angsty fic lmao! enjoy! word count. 2.7k

falling in love with your best friend has got to take the cake for the ‘dumbest shit i’ve ever put myself through’ award, you think.

you didn’t mean for it to happen— of course not, and it all happened so quickly that you didn’t realize how deep you were in it until months later.

you and billie had became friends in an odd way, you knew someone who knew claudia and of course, billie did too— so the both of you mingled at her birthday party a couple years back, when the both of you were just shy of eighteen.

nobody could seperate the two of you if they tried, and that trait carried on with you and billie until you stepped into adulthood. moving in together seemed like such a good idea in the past— you two were tight, and billie wanted to live separately from her family now— it should’ve been so easy, right?

well no, of course not.

before meeting billie, you assumed that you were straight. but as teenagers, that when lines start to get blurred and things start to mess with your head, and you would sometimes catch yourself staring at her for a little too long, or your heart twisting whenever she texted you.

it killed you to fall in love with billie. it was painful and long, and with every day that passed— she only made it worse.

because she was billie eilish, she would unintentionally flirt with you, but that’s because she did it with everyone, of course she wasn’t going to treat you any differently. she always called you nicknames like ‘baby’ and ‘mama’, which wouldn’t have bothered you that bad if you understood the friendly connotations behind it. but you wanted her to be yours so damn badly, and every time she called you anything but your name, it made your skin fiery to the touch.

but the worst of the worst, god— the thing that’ll haunt you forever, was when she had kissed you in your shared apartment after your 20th birthday. compared to her at the time, you were much more innocent, and hadn’t hardly kissed anyone in your entire life. and with your own speculation that you may not be strictly into men, you had drunkenly asked her to take your ‘girl kiss virginity’ away, and she obliged like it was nothing.

you didn’t like the kiss at all. not because she wasn’t a good kisser— she was a damn good one, but it was because the kiss was deep and passionate, and her hands were roaming all over your body as one kiss turned to two, and two turned to three, and you don’t even know how long the both of you were wrapped in each other until she complained that she was tired and that she was going to go to sleep.

it made you feel like shit. she had slipped out of your room and left you lonesome, and you brushed your fingertips over your lips to try to make sense of what just happened. you had just made out with your best friend, which wasn’t the issue, the issue was that you liked it.

you eventually had to pick a side, if you were going to let your little crush get in the way of friendship, or if you were just going to sweep all of those romantic feelings under the rug. and that’s exactly what you did— you pretended like it didn’t hurt when she would get into relationships, or come to you asking for help to plot on someone she wanted to be with.

you were just being a good best friend by helping her out. she would always ask you why you didn’t ever date, and you just made up some lame excuse about how that wasn’t what interested you. which wasn’t entirely a lie, it didn’t interest you, because only she did.

in current time, it’s half past two in the morning when billie stumbles through the door of your shared apartment, keys jingling on her carabiner against her jean-clad thigh when her eyes meet yours. you’re sitting idle at the kitchen island with a bowl of cereal in your hand, clad in nothing but a pair of billie’s boxers and a lacy white tee. you shoot her an inquisitive look, “where have you been dude? it’s like, two in the fucking morning, and i’ve barely seen your face all day.”

she gives out a nonchalant shrug, closing the door with her foot, and you can just tell by her sluggish body language that she’s anything but sober. she’s smiling too much and not talking enough, and when billie gets like that, it’s usually because she’s had a couple of drinks.

you’ve been out all night, don’t know where you’ve been, youre slurring on your words, not making any sense— but i don’t fucking care.

“where have you been, billie?” you ask her, dropping your spoon in your empty bowl as you looked at her, waiting on your answer.

she’s moving so slow that it starts to piss you off, and she just gives you another drunken shrug with a wave of her hand, “don’t worry a-about it, mama, just..a l-little get together.”

the nickname that she gives you makes your skin crawl, and you slide off of your stool and grab your phone, placing your bowl in the sink without saying a word billie. you don’t have the energy to entertain her shit tonight, so you walk up the stairs quietly, slamming your room door in contrast to your silence.

you don’t expect her to bother you for the rest of the night, but billie being billie, she unsolicitedly opens your bedroom door, leaning against the door frame with one arm resting above her head, the other at her side, holding a cup of juice.

“what did you do…tonight?” billie’s words are choppy, and you try your best to not pay any mind to her. usually when she’s drunk, you’d take such good care of her, getting her into comfier clothes and letting her sleep in your bed. but you were irritated now, and you tried your best to fight the urge to be your usual, hospitable self.

“nothing, i waited on your ass to get back so i could sleep.” you responded coldly to her, walking over to your dresser to grab a hoodie to slip on. your eyes scanned the array of clothing, and you bit your lip when you realized that all the clean hoodies you had belonged to billie.

you pretended like it didn’t bother you and grabbed a gray essentials hoodie, pulling it over your head and fixing the hood, “i’m gonna go to sleep, so…”

billie sunk into the oak wood of your door, and of course, when you turn your head for five seconds, she slips and falls straight to the floor.

“fuck!”

you quickly whipped your head around, and you wanted so badly tonight to just keep to yourself and not deal with billie’s shenanigans, but you couldn’t control yourself as you ran over to her, kneeling down and grabbing her face. her eyes were closed like she was asleep, and you tapped her cheek lightly but frantically, “bils? talk to me, are you awake?”

“i-i’m fine.” billie breathes out after a couple of moments, sitting up with her back pressed against the wall. she lets out a deep sigh that makes you let out one in relief.

even though you spoke against it at first, you were determined now to put her to bed safely. you offered her your water bottle that was on your dresser as you promised her that you’d be back, venturing out into the hallway and stepping into your bathroom.

you drew a hot bath for billie the way she liked it, leaving a change of clothes on the toilet, paired with a towel.

your blood was pumping adrenaline through your veins so hard that you could feel it heat your forehead. you weren’t even angry anymore— you just felt weak now, upset with the fact that billie always seemed to have this hold over you.

you loved her too much. it was becoming an issue now, but there wasn’t anything you could do or say, so the only option you had was to stay silent and suck it up. and although it hurt, really damn badly, those were your only options.

so you walked back into your bedroom and helped billie to the tub that waited for her, helping her strip out of her clothes that reeked of burberry perfume and tequila. her shirt was now discarded on the floor along with her pants, and the only thing she was in now was her bra and underwear.

of course, billie being your best friend— you’ve seen her naked plenty of times, but it still shocks you a little when she slips out of her undergarments, sinking into the bathtub, resting her head on the side of it.

“will you stay and talk to me?” billie murmurs, a little more sober now, and you nod silently, sitting crossed legged on the floor next to her.

it takes everything in you not to kiss her right now. she’s resting her head on her arms and looking at you with soft, tired eyes, her eyelashes drooping as she fought against sleep. her lips were pink and a little swollen, and she parts them to whisper lowly, “i’m….sorry.”

“sorry for what, billie?”

silence hangs in the air for a second until you hear her move in the water, taking a loofah and lavender scented body wash. she starts with her arms, head leaned against the wall behind her, “such a mess. i am— i-i’m sorry that you…have to put up with my shit.”

“it’s okay.” you mutter silently, “i do it because i love you.”

that makes billie smile, yet she’s got no idea that the love you’re describing is so much deeper than either of you could ever imagine. but you mask it well, flashing her a fake and small smile, throwing your head back to rest it on the toilet seat lid.

you honestly start to fall asleep until you hear the water drain, and billie grabs her towel and clothes behind you as you rub your eyes, jolting awake.

there’s no talking between the two of you. you just wait until she’s done putting on her t-shirt and sweats and when she’s ready, you lead her back to your bedroom instead of her own. you didn’t trust her to be alright on her own, so you let her sleep in your bed.

when you turn all of the lights off, billie climbs into bed next to you, her face so close to yours that your noses are almost touching.

her hand touches yours for a brief moment, “thank you…for always taking c-care…of me. i love you, y/n.”

billie falls asleep before you can even reply, and you eventually do the same, a tear slipping down your cheek silently.

the morning after is quiet, too quiet. the kind of quiet that presses against your chest and makes you want to scream just to break it. billie is still asleep when you wake up, her face turned toward you, the sunlight peeking through the blinds casting lines across her freckled skin. her lips are slightly parted, her breathing soft, and it makes your chest ache in that stupid way it always does when you look at her for too long.

you slide out of bed as carefully as you can, trying not to wake her, but even in her sleep, she stirs when you move. her hand stretches out to the space you just left, searching for you instinctively. it’s not fair how effortlessly she makes you feel like you belong to her, even when she doesn’t mean to.

the kitchen is the only refuge you have. you busy yourself making two cups of coffee, your hands shaking just enough to make it hard to pour the water into the machine. every sound feels too loud—the clink of the mug against the counter, the hum of the coffee pot, the low groan of the fridge door as you open it. your head is swimming with the memory of last night—her drunk apologies, the way her voice broke when she called herself a mess, and how much you wanted to hold her and never let go.

but you can’t. because she doesn’t love you like that.

she shuffles into the kitchen a while later, her hair a mess and her hoodie hanging off one shoulder. she looks like chaos wrapped in comfort, and it’s unfair how effortlessly beautiful she is. she rubs her eyes, leaning against the doorway as she watches you. “morning, mama,” she says, her voice still scratchy from sleep.

you don’t even bother correcting her nickname this time. it’s a battle you’ll never win. “morning,” you mutter, sliding a mug of coffee across the counter toward her.

she takes it, wrapping her hands around the warm ceramic, and gives you a soft smile. it’s the kind of smile that would make anyone else’s heart flutter, but for you, it just feels like a weight. “you didn’t have to do all that for me last night, you know,” she says quietly, her eyes downcast.

“it’s fine, billie,” you reply, your voice more clipped than you intend. “you were drunk. i couldn’t just leave you like that.”

she frowns, her brow furrowing like she’s trying to figure you out. “are you mad at me?”

you laugh bitterly, shaking your head. “no, billie. i’m not mad at you. i’m mad at….myself.”

her frown deepens, and she sets the mug down on the counter. “but why? you didn’t do anything wrong.”

her response makes you want to scream. you want to tell her everything, every little thought that’s been eating away at you for months, years even. but instead, you bite your tongue, because you can’t risk losing her. so you lie, like you always do. “forget it. it’s nothing.”

she doesn’t believe you—of course she doesn’t. but she doesn’t push, which almost makes it worse. because deep down, you wish she cared enough to dig. you wish she could see past the walls you’ve built up and realize that every time you look at her, it feels like your heart is breaking all over again.

the day passes in a blur of nothingness. billie spends most of it curled up on the couch, scrolling through her phone and occasionally singing along to whatever song is playing softly in the background. you try to distract yourself with chores, cleaning the apartment until your hands are raw from scrubbing. but no matter how much you busy yourself, your thoughts always circle back to her.

it’s late when she finally speaks again, her voice cutting through the silence like a knife. “do you ever feel like you’re…stuck?”

you glance up from where you’re folding laundry, startled by the vulnerability in her tone. “stuck how?”

“like…like you’re not where you’re supposed to be. like you’re waiting for something to happen, but it never does.”

your throat tightens, because that’s exactly how you’ve felt since the day you realized you were in love with her. “yeah,” you admit quietly. “i know what that feels like.”

she doesn’t say anything else, but her eyes meet yours across the room, and for a moment, it feels like she’s trying to tell you something without words. but then she looks away, and the moment is gone.

later, when she’s fallen asleep on the couch, you sit beside her, watching the rise and fall of her chest. the lyrics to “idfc” play in your head like a cruel mantra: “tell me pretty lies, look me in my face, tell me that you love me even if it’s fake.”

you reach out, brushing a strand of hair from her face, your fingers lingering for just a second too long. “i love you, billie,” you whisper, your voice barely audible over the sound of her breathing.

but she doesn’t hear you. and maybe that’s for the best. because no matter how much it hurts, you’ll keep pretending. you’ll keep being her best friend, her safe place, even if it kills you. because as much as you wish she could love you back, you’d rather have her like this than not at all.

and so you sit there, the weight of your unspoken feelings pressing down on you, and you let the tears fall silently, knowing that tomorrow, nothing will have changed.

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Complicated

Summary: Feeling down in the dumps about your feelings for Eddie leads to Steve trying to comfort you. He's got his own unrequited love going on with Nancy.

Drinks are consumed and you sleep together, then Eddie finds out.

Awkward...

Part one ❤️ Haven't decided if this is going to be an Eddie x Reader story or Steve x Reader. I have plans for both but it depends on what you all want ❤️

Warnings: Minors shoo! Jealousy, 18+, one night stand.

Don't copy, reuse or repost my work.

❤️

"No you hang up first'' Eddie says in a gushy voice that makes you want to vomit. If you had to hear this one more time you might snap.

Chrissy Cunningham was on the other line, Eddie's dream girl since forever.

The sweetness in his tone makes you ache inside and you turn away from Eddie, meeting Steve's sympathetic gaze.

He nods briefly in Jonathan and Nancy's direction, he knows how you feel. It makes you feel less alone.

To Eddie you were like one of the guys, a pal and that's it. He'd never see you in a romantic way - ever.

It fucking sucked and yet you loved Eddie so much that you just wanted him to be happy, so you pushed down your feelings, ignored the break in your heart everytime a pretty girl caught his eye, buried your feelings away.

The thing is it was getting harder to do.

"Shit, will someone hang the fuck up" Mike snaps annoyed at the gushing. Eddie blushes and says goodbye to Chrissy and you plant a smile on your face as he says he's going to hers for a little while.

"I'll catch up with you tommorow yeah princess?" you nod, willing away the tears as you watch him go.

❤️

One by one everyone starts to leave, Steve stays behind to help you clean up.

"It sucks about Munson, I'm sorry he doesn't see how you feel about him" Steve tells you as you both settle down with a beer.

"Kinda used to it by now but thanks Steve, guess it can't be great watching Nance and Jonathan being all lovey dovey now that he's back from California" he makes a face and nods in agreement you clink bottles in solidarity.

One beer turns into two, that turns into a few more and the both of you are a little tipsy.

Steve takes your hand as you sigh in numb acceptance, letting the tears fall freely now, the alcohol is making you weepy yet seeing things with crystal clear clarity.

"I'm just not his type, never would be. It's time that I move on and accept that" You shrug, it hurts your already aching heart but you know it's what you have to do.

"Mmm, you want to feel wanted, desired honey? You're beautiful, kind, funny. Any guy would be lucky to be with you"

Steve draws little circles around your palm with his thumb, the exchange feels heated, butterflies fill your belly and you grin at him.

"You really think so?" he nods, his gaze slowly trails down to your lips and both of you move forward at the same time, lips touching briefly, then again.

Kissing Steve feels really nice, more than nice. He moves to kiss your neck and you climb onto his knee, straddling him.

"You want to do this honey?" his hazel eyes fill with lust as you nod and pull of your t shirt.

"I'm kinda curious why all the ladies call you king Steve?" you reply teasingly and he laughs, then kisses you again.

The night passes in a haze of kissing, your naked body entwined with Steve and the most exquisite pleasure.

Steve's lips everywhere on your body, kissing over your breasts and then lower and lower until he was burying his head between your thighs.

You barely have any sleep, when you wake your sated, the memories of the night coming back to you as you turn around and find Steve fast asleep beside you, cuddled into your pillow, his legs entwined with yours.

He blinks sleepily, eyes widening as he wakes up fully and he pieces together what happened between you two.

"Shit" is all he says and you wrap the sheets around you as you sit up.

"I know we are both wrapping our head around what happened but all I know is that it was uh really, really good. Was it good for you?" he softens at your worried look and smiles.

"It was amazing sweetheart, so good but we're friends and things are complicated with Nancy, you love Eddie. It's all crazy" he runs his hand through his hair, looking stressed.

"I know things are complicated but it was kinda nice for a few hours to just forget about all of that" It's true, it was good just to feel nothing but pleasure and not constant heartache.

You kiss Steve on the cheek and get dressed, you've just about got your t shirt and some pants on when Eddie bounds up the stairs. You shriek and use your blanket to cover you.

"Jesus don't you knock or call out when you're here?" You cry out and Eddie stops still, eyes flicking up and down you in your state of undress, he blushes.

"Ugh, shit sorry princess. Chrissy and I had a fight and I just wanted some company" he looks so lost and your heart tugs with pain at the sorrow in his voice.

"Can you give me five minutes? The we can talk" Eddie notices something behind you and he looks stunned.

"Steve? What are you doing here?" ah shit. So much for avoiding an awkward moment.

"Just crashed on the couch" Steve shrugs and Eddie looks between the two of you, both your dishevelled appearances and he's puts the pieces together.

"The non existent couch in yn's bedroom" Eddie asks tonelessly? He's quiet for a moment and you speak to fill the silence.

"Eddie...

"So you had sex, great that's...uh, that's good for you" There's a weird, high tone in his voice.

"It happened once, kinda got a little bit drunk" You tell him and then frown, why are you explaining yourself? He's your best friend yes but it's none of his business who you sleep with.

"Twice" Steve corrects you, Eddie has this strange look on his face, it both confuses and concerns you.

"Are you okay Eddie?" he blinks startled and shakes himself.

"Yeah, so you and Steve huh? It's great... Uh, I should really go apologise to Chrissy" before you can say anything he's down the stairs and out the door.

What the fuck?

❤️

[carmenilla]

ok because i see the milkvan vision. i really do

listen i would still like them if the duffers didn’t make me glad i wasn’t one of mike and el’s friends in s3 because of how much time they spent just making out whenever they could instead of actually hanging out with their friends. like if i were will or dustin especially i would be even more pissed off than they were about it - that’s not a healthy relationship and results in their friends being hurt, which is shitty as hell

i would still like them if i had any insight into why they like each other and how exactly they feel about each other instead of them both avoiding it like a plague (especially mike, even in his fucking love confession).

i would still like them if the duffers hadn’t brought so much attention to will being sad and left out in literally all of their scenes together in s4 (except for their argument scene) to the point where i’m rooting for him so much, especially as a queer person. it would be gross to highlight will’s suffering in all the s4 milkvan scenes just to rub it in our (queer viewers) faces that will has a tragic gay love story and will never get with the person he’s in love with, and so i want him to score this win for me as well, as a queer person.

there was a point where i liked byler AND milkvan - i liked byler more and obviously wanted them to become canon, but i thought mike and el’s relationship was sweet and liked them as well. until i rewatched the series without being a hardcore milkvan shipper anymore and realized all the red flags

byler and milkvan could have both been good ships, had milkvan not clearly been a toxic relationship where it’s questionable if they like anything about the other person (romantically of course). they could have both been good ships had will’s supposed tragic unrequited queer love not been literally rubbed in my damn face. but they’re not, and that’s why i have full confidence in saying that byler is the best and right way to go with the story and any other way would be SHIT AS HELL and would be queerbait which is the equivalent of asking us queer folks to come close just so they can spit in our faces. and that would be literally awful

that’s why i don’t like milkvan. some scenes they have are very sweet, even i cant deny, but the bad outweighs the good tenfold and i eventually got tired of pretending it doesnt

[mono-blogs-art]

It is WILD to me that from what I've seen on chaser game w fandom talk, people are much more sympathetic towards Aoyama (Itsuki's guy friend, who outed her at her workplace explicitly because of his unrequited love towards her) than Kou (Fuyu's husband, who found out that his wife cheated on him and lied to his face about it too, and who had built a life and family with a partner who he now knows never felt the same about him).

??? I have a lot of thoughts about how the finale handled that Fuyu/Kou scene but I genuinely thought it was one of the more sensible, complex, and well-done scenes of the show.

I guess as The Husband he is much more of an "obstacle" to the main pair than Some Guy Itsuki explicitly rejects romantically and even breaks ties with after finding out about him outing her. But the show even fucking tells you in the epilogue that Aoyama had a successful career after, while not mentioning Kou at all. We don't even know if Fuyu and him ended up splitting/getting a divorce etc. Presumably she left him (and their daughter??) in China before returning to Itsuki in Japan.

Like I'm sorry to defend The Man in the lesbian show, but he has genuinely not done anything wrong; arguably not even him leaving for a few days after Fuyu treated him like shit was wrong. He has done nothing but support Fuyu and their family. His one interaction with Itsuki was - although justifiably stand-off-ish and charged given the circumstances - polite and respectful. He's not even homophobic!!!!!!! When Fuyu finally admits to the affair and tells him she's actually a lesbian, his only reaction is to A) inquire if she's always felt that way and if yes, why she married him anyway, B) check in with her if that means she'd like to split up, or continue their marriage, and C) to ask her not to meet with Itsuki again if they were to continue their marriage. Like that is literally such a reasonable request, my man is so much more forgiving than I and probably You could ever be. Like there is no point at which the source of his upset is the fact that she cheated on him with a woman, specifically. He doesn't love her any less for it, he doesn't call her names, he doesn't make any snarky remarks to insult her sexuality etc (apart from pointing out that she's been cold towards him, which she HAS, girl I really hope you didn't treat him like shit through ALL of those 5 years of marriage).

And like, I'm not gonna be like "uhhhh this poor man deserves Fuyu's affection since they're married, she should at least give him another chance" like of course NOT. She's unhappy with him, she's madly in love with a woman who she'd give up everything for. She's a lesbian. She doesn't owe him any love or affection but she DID cheat on him. Repeatedly. For weeks. IN THEIR FAMILY HOME, NONETHELESS. LET US NOT FORGET THAT SHE DID VERY MUCH CHEAT ON HER HUSBAND IN THEIR MARRIAGE BED (presumably). Like girl I know you love pussy and I do too but you're still an asshole!!!!!!!!!!!

And even then. She DOES love him. She says so herself, and it's true. And I know this may be wild to imagine but love doesn't have to be romantic. She loves him, in her own fucked up way, because she's deeply traumatized from years and years of internalised homophobia, being broken up with in the WORST way possible, and falling back into (presumably) denying her sexuality once again. Falling in love with being loved, and cherishing it so much that you forget what hurt you in the first place. Like, I can 100% understand Fuyu's reasoning in that situation. Even if I've never been in a similar situation, it makes perfect sense to me. I understand it even if it's horrible. And like yeah, Fuyu's character IS a hot mess and I love her and this show because of it (lmao) but she has treated this man so badly for what we can only assume is YEARS, and still she cherished what he provided for her enough to make her falter when her betrayal was revealed. For a second, the true repercussions dawned on her, and she decided that she wasn't willing to give up her family, her career, and her daughter just to reunite with Itsuki. And so she told him that she'd never go see Itsuki again. Like that is literally one of the most (and only) logical thinking they gave to any character for this show the whole season!!!! But of course it's also wrong like girl no you can't!!! And then she changes her mind for the gay happy end!!!!! Truly I got to eat my cake and eat it too. The finale was actually like. I don't want to say satisfying because I'd really need another scene with Fuyu and Kou for that, but at least satisfying enough for me to pretend that they figured it out somewhere off-screen. Hopefully.

That was my 2am rambling on how they resolved the Fuyu/Kou relationship. And I really wish ppl liked him more because literally my man has done nothing wrong. He's not even homophobic. HE'S NOT EVEN HOMOPHOBIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aoyama however is the fucking worst and I hate that the show portrayed him in such a good light at the end, GOD I will seethe forever

[nothing-to-see-around-here]

Okey- Here i am once again with the angst of sad Philza cus unrequited pining :'D

I had another scene popped up in my mind cus apparently I love romances in tragic settings like being doomed from the start:

So, do y'all remember the clip/moment when Techno said to Philza "For you the world"???

It wasn't romantic or even platonic, it was just in between their little banter about literal bookshelfs while they were exploring a village lmao

But, can you imagine how Philza felt when he heard that?

Like- imagine that the person you were pining after for literal decades suddenly blurts out that they would give you the world casually while looking at you with so much fondness as if you were the most precious thing to them, but also knowing that you are not- Because you know (of course you know) that you are not.

Let me just put down the scene cus I felt like writing:

"Sorry, matee, I really needed those bookshelfs" Philza says with an embarrassed laugh, scratching the back of his neck as he talks to Techno while trading with one of the villagers.

Technoblade looks over at Philza, laughing as he exits a house of the village. "It's okey, Phil- y'know what? Whatever, Phil, For you the world." He says jokingly as he puts a hand on Philza's right shoulder while smiling at him fondly.

Philza freezes, how is he supposed to answer when Techno just said that to him so... lovingly? He can't help but blush, holy shit- Did Techno really said that to him??? Is- Did he heard that right??

So he ends up faking a laugh, holding back his emotions, Technoblade quickly distracts himself and changes the subject of their talk. But Philza can't bring himself to forget what Techno said nor the way he looked at him while saying it.

Those damn four words would keep him up at night more often than not and are also one of the many reasons that Philza still doesn't leave Techno and chooses to stay with him. Because he knows that Technoblade cares for him, deeply, just that the care is only from friendship... So he would be lying if he said that hearing those words from Techno didn't gave him the slightest bits of hope...

--

(I am writing this while next to my bf and he told me "hurt👏 that👏 bird👏" so- uh- I blame him lmao)

I'm glad people are liking what I'm doing with these, I hope I did well again!

Thank you for the people who followed me and also the ones who rebloged my post as well ^^

Also, I'll do the one shot of this but for now I want to know which way I'm going with it first.

[bichobolitach]

LMAOOOO THE 14 YEAR OLD THING IS SO TRUE. im still confused about their ages bc how are they a freshman at 16 ???? but if you see it as a friendship breakup (which i think it's that more than anything) than yeah their drama is warranted that shit could kill you

I have a bit of a pet peeve with the friendship breakup thing. Idk. I could get it with the first few issues but as an artist and a writer I can assure you nothing that we put in a page is coincidental, and I think the latest issues have been pretty blatant about the romantic subtext between Seiji and Jesse— well, at this point it’s more text than subtext, but yeah. “We were… something”, “They were more than friends”, all the blushing and shojo and tension effects— those things are there on purpose, and even if maybe Jesse and Seiji never got to have a relationship with all the letters it is clear whatever they had was on the romantic side of things. I don’t think they were ever Boyfriends (TM) and I think whatever they had is very much unnamed and unresolved, but it’s very clear there is a “broken heart” element totally their relationship.

I know it’s not out of malice, but I have a thing with ignoring signs like that bc everytime men are portrayed with romantic subtext in media there will always be people who will claim friendship until their dying breath and the only way two guys or two girls can be in love is if they explicitly kiss on screen and nothing else. Writing is not innocent! And considering Fence is pretty well establishedly gay, I think we have all the more reason to take those kinds of signs at face value.

And I mean, in a way, it is very serious to them! Like, to us they’re teens and it’s kinda funny, but to them this is as far as they have lived and teens live in their feelings so so much! When I was a teen everything felt like the end of the world (and then it just turns out it wasn’t LMAO) but Seiji has known Jesse most of his life!! This IS heartbreaking to him! Even if I do think their connection goes beyond a little unresolved crush, and I do stand by the romantic subtext of their relationship to death, it is true they have been friends MOST OF THEIR LIVES and romantic or not it’s a loss that hurts!! I genuinely think the nature of their fight goes beyond unrequited feelings— because, honestly? Jesse seems pretty obsessed with Seiji himself, so I really don’t think it was a “I don’t like you like that” kind of deal because even then I think Seiji could get over that. I could go on and on all day about what I think is going on with them but I shall not bore you anymore 😭😂

[winifred-stormborne]

Genshin OC Headcanons

I continue to be very autistic for my own OC, so here's some headcanons and silly stuff regarding Winifred's feelings and relationships with other Genshin characters :3

Tartaglia

COME ON YOU ALREADY KNOW I HAD TO START WITH MY LITERAL FAVORITE CHARACTER AND MAKE HIM INTEGRAL TO WINIFRED'S STORY

Oh their relationship is very complicated indeed, enemies to lovers type deal

Actually more like friends to crushes to betrayal to Winifred being scared shitless of him for awhile while he tries to charm his way back into her heart type deal

Okay but before all of that, they were joined at the hip for the majority of Winifred's stay in Liyue during the whole Morax murder situation

Winifred definitely didn't trust him at first, but his strange personality absolutely won her over very quickly

Low-key she was too blinded by her crush to realize how sketchy he actually was

But that's okay because he ended up really liking her back on accident

This man spoiled her while they were in Liyue. Where do you think she got the silk flower from?

HE JUST KEPT BUYING HER SNACKS CAN YOU BLAME HER FOR FALLING FOR HIM????

His nickname for her is "Stormy" and while she hates that nickname now, she'd low-key give anything to hear it in an endearing way again

Tartaglia being Tartaglia, he absolutely used that nickname against her when they fought in the Golden House

But Tartaglia being Tartaglia, battle is a weirdly intimate thing for him and though betraying Winifred hurt a little bit for him, he's trying so hard to understand the pain it caused her so he can make things right again

He keeps writing her letters and addressing her as "Stormy" in them, and sending her snacks from Snezhnaya HE'S TRYING OKAY??

She'd never admit it, but she misses his scarf. She'd always try to steal it to wear it when they were in Liyue

She has a habit of wagging her tail when she's happy or blushing, and because she wears a fricking bell on the end of her tail, her crush on him was far from subtle

But that's okay because he finds the tail wagging to be cute

GOD THE ANGST BETWEEN THEM IS SO PALPABLE PLEASE-

Don't worry, after shit happens in Fontaine, they're okay <3

Kaeya

KAEYA AND WINIFRED ARE BESTIES OKAY

She doesn't make the best drinking partner thanks to her low tolerance, but that does not stop her from trying to one up Kaeya every time

She just keeps falling over after like 2 drinks and Kaeya finds it absolutely hilarious

Kaeya is Winifred's mentor, but seriously, you would never be able to guess with how much they just hang out and drink together like besties

She actually used to have a big ass crush on Kaeya before she met Tartaglia because UGH

UNREQUITED LOVE Y'ALL

He loves her in his own way, just not romantically

But that's okay, she got over her crush and is just thankful to have him in her life

No but seriously, these two would die for one another

He's actually extremely protective of her, especially after the Liyue shenanigans

Sort of a "Anything you do to her, I'll do to you" type thing

Meanwhile Winifred is just adorable trying to be a little mini Kaeya

Even though she uses a polearm, she tries to mimic Kaeya's movements with a sword in combat

It's adorable because she also tries to mimic his posture and poses to look intimidating

BUT SHE'S TINY AND HE KEEPS USING HER AS AN ARMREST HELP

One of her favorite things is stargazing with Bennett, Razor, and Fischl, and Kaeya will do his best to join them if his knightly duties allow him the time to do so

And of course, these two are a dynamic duo when it comes to messing with Diluc

Kaeya taught her well >:3

He also has a nickname for her, "Winnie," and she hates it

Seriously, she tries to jump him every time he calls her that

It's a love kind of hate tho

Bennett, Razor, and Fischl

Oh no, these guys are fun

Winifred would kill everyone in Teyvat for these three, she loves them to pieces

She was brought into the Guild at a young age, a few years older than Bennett, so they bonded HARD

She does not care for whatever unluckiness Bennett is cursed with, she will join him on any adventure at any time

THAT IS BASICALLY HER ADOPTIVE BROTHER SHE ADORES HIM AND WANTS TO PROTECT HIM

SHE LITERALLY WEARS A YELLOW BANDANA AROUND HER TAIL LIKE THE ONE BENNETT HAS ON HIS ARM

Doesn't matter that Fischl has a family to go home to, these guys grew up together and Winifred sees her like a baby sister

She is more than happy to indulge in Fischl's fantasy roleplays, often playing the role of big scary dragon villain for her cuz omg

Winifred is low-key bros with Oz too, they babysit Fischl together

And Razor oh my God, Winifred took him in with open arms so fast

The poor kid needs attention 24/7 and fits in just right with the rest of the crew

They're all just a bunch of misfits who have each others' backs okay?!?!

IT DOESN'T MATTER THEY DON'T SHARE BLOOD WINIFRED CALLS THEM HER LITTLE SIBLINGS AND THEY LOVE HER LIKE A BIG SISTER

They are the only ones who are allowed to call her by a nickname, and that name is "Freddy"

Seriously if anyone else calls her that, she'll jump them

Oh lord did they get into shenanigans all the time as kids

Pranking the knights, trespassing on Dawn Winery to pick grapes, adventuring further than they'd be allowed to because Winifred felt that confident in her ability to keep them safe being a dragon and whatnot

Oh and you know damn well they meet up at the Cat's Tail to hang out with Diona and play Genius Invocation

Literally none of them are good at the game but who cares they're having fun

They're Winifred's closest sense of family in Mondstadt so seriously if any harm happens to these kids, someone is going missing

[most-canon-non-canon-ship-poll]

I, the poll runner, made this poll because they suck that much

Why Mileven is shit - a submission-based essay, part 3/3

Mileven - a currently canon het ship from the Stranger Things fandom between Michael (Mike) Wheeler and Jane (Eleven) Ives/Hopper/Byers/IDK

This doesn't mean she will never have another relationship, it doesn't even mean she is "alone" while other people are in relationships (although personally I think there is nothing wrong with not being in a relationship tbh... some people need to unpack this). It just means that she reclaims the power to decide if and when she will give love to someone again, a choice she's never really had. As for Mike, I believe his low self-esteem and what makes him feel so different is his feelings for Will which have steadily stepped out of platonic more and more as time has gone on, and THAT is the truth that is hard to admit, not his apparent love for El that she has been begging for him to say. Mike and Will are written so perfectly as a romantic duo that it is wild to me that anyone would ship Mike with anyone else. Mike deserves more than to be a shitty friend and El's boyfriend (because if he really does just love El, then his actions are just him being mean and weird with no cause or explanation, which I can't imagine is the case), Will deserves more than to be the sad gay in unrequited love who only suffers, and El deserves more than to be some boy's "superhero" who is loved for what she can do more than for who she truly is. She deserves to shake the shackles of male control, and yes... Mike unfortunately falls into this due to his feeling responsible for El's wellbeing because of the unfortunate circumstances they met under. Plus he's, in my opinion, fallen even harden into this parentified role in Hopper's absence (those parallels are insane too, don't even get me started). Anyway, all that to say... Mileven is an objectively bad ship that doesn't fit with the story Stranger Things is telling. It doesn't serve any of the characters involved in a positive way, and Byler is a significantly more touching and well-built couple. Personally, even the argument that El will be "crushed if they break up" doesn't really carry any weight. It's clear that she has already hurt so much IN THE RELATIONSHIP, so ending it just seems like the logical next step (and I'm among the people who believe she wanted to break up at the pizza place tbh). Why should she stay with someone who can only love her in life-or-death situations? Why should Mike be with someone who makes him feel worthless or not enough or like his personal experiences and struggles aren't valid? Why should Mike and El settle for a relationship that takes so much work but makes them both ultimately unhappy (it's giving Karen a d Ted). Why should Will just accept that in a world of demogorgans and alternate dimensions and telekinetic lab children, the craziest and most unlikely thing is a queer boy like him finding requited love with the person who makes them feel better for being different and encourages them to fight on? I just don't think the writers are telling that kind of story. I love El, Mike, and Will... I hope they will get a beautiful ending. To me, a beautiful ending would include Mike and El mutually caring for each other enough to admit that their relationship is not good for either of them as El deserves to be loved and needs time to heal, and Mike deserves to embrace his truth and his own feelings without feeling insignificant or unlovable (and ultimately be rewarded for embodying one of the show's core themes: that forced conformity is bad, you will never feel gratification or happiness by pretending to be something or someone you're not, it's okay to be a "freak" and it's okay to be different and to rebel against the limited, restrictive forms of "happiness" society pushes. After all, forced conformity is one of the real villains in this show, as clearly stated!)

[eclipsewxtch]

okay so i have so much stuff planned for blue moon so MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD FOR RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS IF YOU DONT WANT SPOILERS FOR ANY FUTURE CHAPTERS LOOK AWAY AVERT UR EYES:

ik i said this before but all relationships r implied n i don’t make anything canon. that being said, i make sure all ships (even the most obscure n rare ones) get their flowers!! whether that’s from POV’s in the chapter, dialogue, or just little moments/details. that being said, here’s what i intended:

• ethan & jesse have the relationship dynamic of two toxic divorced men who have shared custody of their daughter (jane)

• jane is jesse’s kid idc idc idc im making it happen its gonna give reluctant dad/mentor who’s lowkey the Worst Person Ever & daughter/mentee he didn’t want but NEEDED!!! they’re gonna be so good. im gonna eat it up.

• jane is ethan’s kid too ig but it’s not the same. like that’s her protector n her brother sure but JESSE?? he commits war crimes for that little girl she’s his baby

• audrey & ethan have the relationship dynamic of something soft and sweet. like she makes him feel grounded, but not exactly human. safe. i adore them. i rlly wanted it to give monster bf x human gf so i hope it has those vibes(?)

• rory & ethan (im so so biased i love them so much) they have the dynamic of puppy love. they’re just the sweetest n kindest n they make my heart hurt so much. literally aches.

• benny & ethan r very much old married couple. (they’re gonna hurt yall so bad in the last chapter for s1 like yall r gonna hate me!) they fight n bicker, but it’s like a domestic kind (until it’s not) n crazily enough i actually don’t ship them (don’t crucify me yall) but i want to feed the bethan shippers.

• sarah & ethan give nerd x cool girl he’d do anything for. like he is the loser bf to her cool popular gf!! i actually rlly love this ship n its kinda sickening, but i think ethan heals sarah from her past hurts (jesse u asshole) n sarah makes ethan feel seen n less of a dork.

• erica & ethan r just cuties!! friends forever!! like it’s black cat x golden retriever with them. while i don’t ship, i understand it’s a REALLY rare pair, so they have cute moments where they have fun together. its more platonic, i’ll admit, but if u wanna read into it u can.

• benny & erica r unrequited crushes. like i fear they had a crush on each other b4 she became a vampire, n after the bite it just could never go anywhere. she became too different, n he stayed the same. he’s bitter abt the missed chance; n she can’t imagine him ever liking her before she was a vampire.

• erica & rory have the same dynamic in the show but she’s just nicer to him about it. that’s her puppy, n she treats him as such but she’ll be DAMNED if YOU treat him like a dog. who do u think u r???

• erica & sarah are sapphic vampire gfs. soulmates, ur honor. it’s bad. real bad. i fear they are each other’s homes.

• jesse & rory give evil villain n his loyal henchman. it’s cute in a “oh he listens n respects ur opinions” kind of way, but he takes those opinions to further his selfish agenda.

•NO RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN JESSE/SARAH OR JESSE/ERICA, THAT SHIT IS PAST TENSE AND FINISHED!! REFUSE TO HAVE A MAN COME BETWEEN WOMEN!

•audrey & sarah r gonna be best friends. they don’t argue over a man; they’re better than that. unfortunately audrey is straight n this won’t be romantic😓

• s2 is gonna be longer than s1–so like twenty chapters probably(?) #longfic #somuchthoughtputinthis and i am probably gonna go back n edit s1 chapters in between updates for s2 but i rlly rlly wanna dive deep in each character. ESPECIALLY JESSE. this redemption arc is gonna go crazy. he’s a horrible, terrible, very bad man and yet!!

• i love audrey n im forcing everyone to love her as well. i normally hate OC’s in fics bc it’s like damn why is this person taking over the narrative(?) n more often than not it feels like an extension of the author’s personality. unfortunately if i was gonna make audrey an extension of me and a self-insert for me i would have her flirt HEAVY w erica. love erica bad😝 if anything audrey is just for fun. i was like hm? what if we gave ethan a little red riding hood?? wouldn’t that be sooo funny? n it is.

• i’m sorry for bringing this up again but the ethan & jane & jesse dynamic goes sooo crazy. so crazy. be thankful im not turning it into a louis & claudia & lestat situation bc i contemplated more than once having jane almost die n ethan beg jesse to turn her. i decided against it but the urge was there.

[windwheeler-aster]

superache event

guidelines

requests will only be accepted if they follow my normal request rules

only one character per request

you must choose your prompt(s), a genre, and a character

you may choose a song or song lyric, but you don’t have to. not everyone is familiar with conan’s music, so i’m more than happy to pick something that fits your request for you.

all requests will be written for a gender neutral reader

all songs and song lyrics come from songs on Conan Gray’s Superache album

instructions

pick a character

choose a prompt

choose a genre 

(optional) choose a song or song lyric from conan gray

(optional) provide extra details for request

submit request

characters available

all characters are available for platonic requests!

the following characters are not available for romantic requests:

qiqi, klee, sayu, diona, nahida, dori, yaoyao, barbara, bennet, razor, noelle, chongyun, collei, xingqiu, xiangling, fischl

prompts

childhood friends

enemies to lovers

fake dating

forbidden love

friends to lovers

lovers to enemies

mutual pining

rivals to lovers

strangers to lovers

unrequited love

one bed trope

accidental kiss

if you have other prompts, or variants of the “____ to ____” prompts, you may submit those too

genre

fluff

comfort (reverse)

hurt/comfort (reverse)

hurt/no comfort (reverse)

angst

songs

movies

people watching

disaster

best friend

astronomy

yours

jigsaw

family line

summer child

footnote

memories

the exit

song lyrics

movies

“i want a love like the movies” 

“all of our friends think of us jealously / we’re so sweet, so sweet”

“in my head, we’re dancing in the dark / in my head, we kiss under the stars”

“we’re holding hands, but it’s all just for show”

“and you say that it’s over, but why does she call you / at 3 a.m. and 4 a.m.? / that’s a funny way of staying friends”

people watching

“but i wanna feel all that love and emotion / be that attached to the person i’m holding”

“i’ve never really been in love, not seriously”

disaster

“‘cause the potential of us, it was keeping me up all night long”

“there’s so many factors / like, what if you freak out, and then we’re losing it all?”

“at the critical chapter where i say ‘i love you’ / and you don’t say it after”

“is it purely platonic to call me, like, every night?”

“but if i’m readin’ it wrong, man, it’d be better off if i died”

best friend

“that’s my fucking throw up in the bathroom, but still love them”

“that’s my fucking lifeline, that’s my ride or die, like”

“that’s my fucking hate you, but you know that that’s a damn lie”

“made a promise that i’m gonna marry you / if we’re both still single by, like, 32”

astronomy

“a tale old as time, young love don’t last for life”

“we’ve traveled the seas, we’ve ridden the stars / we’ve seen everything from saturn to mars”

“as much as it seems like you own my heart / it’s astronomy, we’re two worlds apart”

“you said, ‘distance brings fondness,’ but guess not with us”

“stop trying to keep us alive / you can’t force the stars to align when they’ve already died”

yours 

“i’m somebody you touch, but never hold / and you’re somebody i’ll never really know”

“i know i’m not the one you really love / i guess that’s why i’ve never given up”

“all i wanted was that look in your eyes / like you already know that i’m the love of your life”

“the only thing that’s harder than sleepin’ alone / is sleepin’ with your ghost”

jigsaw

“i’ve changed every part of me / until the puzzle pieces aren’t me at all”

“you take every part of me / all of the things you need / then the rest you discard”

“all i did just to make you happy / still you don’t even fuckin’ love me”

“killin’ parts of myself to fit you / clear as shit i was not the issue”

family line

“i say they’re just the ones who gave me life / but i truly am my parents’ child”

“it’s hard to put it into words / how the holidays will always hurt”

“and wonder what i did to deserve this / how could you hurt a little kid?”

“i can’t forget, i can’t forgive you / ‘cause now i’m scared that everyone i love will leave me”

“might share a face and share a last name, but / we are not the same”

summer child

“but there’s darkness behind those eyes / even when you smile”

“aren’t you way too busy / taking care of everybody / to take care of yourself?”

footnote

“but why would i lie? It’s so clear i’m in love / with you”

“a tense conversation, you like someone else / i say, ‘if i wanted, could that maybe help?’”

“you ate at a restaurant, the host said we’re cute / they think we’re a couple, they bought us some booze”

“oh, and i’d be embarrassed if i weren’t so pleased / that everyone else sees what you never see”

memories 

“i open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance / you just wanna talk, and i can’t turn away a / wet dog”

“please, don’t make it harder than it already is / i’m trying to get over this”

“you’re all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the / fetal position”

“‘i wish that you would stay in my memories’”

the exit

“starin’ at a girl who’s not me / on your arm, a carbon copy”

“feels like we had matching wounds / but mine’s still black and bruised / and yours is perfectly fine now”

“do you even doubt it on your lips?”

“you already found someone to miss / while i’m still standin’ at the exit”

writer chooses

i’ll choose a song lyric or song that best suits your request

[cat-buried-in-tall-grass]

love & relationships for silver

How does your character view the idea of romantic love?

he thinks it's so sweet,,,,, a special kind of affection and devotion where you trust and care for each other more than anything?? please sign him up. it sounds so comforting he may cry.

What was your character's first heartbreak, and how did it influence their approach to relationships?

he uh. he hasn't really. experienced it. david is very inexperienced in romance and partially it's thanks to a lack of... interest? priority? in romance in the past. "it sounds really nice but it's not really calling me right now." kinda deal. and so he... hasn't gotten his heart broken like that.

more utc !!

Does your character believe in soulmates, and why or why not?

he believes in destiny, and things happening a certain way so better things can happen in the future. he kinda has to. and so, he believes that certain people are fated to meet and affect each other in immense ways. "isn't that what a soulmate is? if it is, i think they exist."

What traits does your character find most attractive in others?

PASSION, MORE PASSION, MORE ENERGY, MORE ENERGY. ahem. he loves himself someone who's passionate and dedicated to what they do. someone who takes no nonsense and goes straight to the point. if we mean physically he likes pretty faces and nice hands though, ahem.

What does your character fear most in a relationship?

hurting the other person. at least, with eloi. he's aware of his own baggage and failings and he's terrified of it hurting and pushing him away, especially when he's most vulnerable.

How does your character handle jealousy or insecurity in relationships?

yk the post that's like "i die?? lmao what kinda question". that's him w insecurities. j swallows em right up. he gets possessive when he get jealous tho ehe

What past relationship still impacts your character's current life?

non romantic? his best friends back home. he entrusted everything to them, he entrusts everything to them now. he's fiercely loyal to them, and he misses them terribly.

How does your character show love and affection?

DID ANYONE ORDER PHYSICAL TOUCH. no?? too bad. he's clingy as FUCK man, all hugs and kisses. he ALREADY greets his friends with cheek kisses and on occasion a hug. when he's in a relationship? god. a fucking tick.

What significant change has your character experienced in their understanding of love?

love hurts a bit. sometimes it's hard to understand because the recipient is so far away, in so many forms. you can try to love your way through the distance, you can do your best to mend it, but even if you do, it still hurts.

What sacrifices has your character made for love, and were they worth it?

again, non romantic? he left his entire life behind and joined the protocol so he could protect his community, his friends, his family. he severed ties with himself, and a chance to get to grow and live his life as himself, all so he could protect those he loves most. and he'd do it again.

How does your character's cultural or familial background influence their views on marriage and relationships?

meh. he had a bit of internalized homophobia that he got over by age 18. his cultural context makes it so he's more open/understanding about non traditional relationships though !!!

Does your character have a relationship that everyone else misunderstands?

i wouldn't be shocked if people thought weird shit from his relationship with eloi. but not really, he's pretty straightforward.

How does your character handle rejection or unrequited love?

he... hasn't! yet, at least. knowing him though, he'd act like it didn't hurt him and then cry and mope in the shower for WEEKS. protective tough front and all that.

What lesson about love is your character still trying to learn?

how do you love? how does it work? how do you keep it working? how do you earn it?

How has your character's professional life affected their romantic relationships?

i mean yeah his current boyfriend is also his coworker lol

[peroxidesoakedrag]

funny. i think my sister is also reaching her limit. but she looks like what i looked like at my limit, in the past

i can tell directly because i've been where she is

my mom has opted to treat her like shit for it, since she's physically unable not to be an asshole to us when we’re not in a good mood

the way i see it, if my mother ends up in her deathbed still married to that rotten man it won't really be more than the fate she earned and carved for herself over time

it’s all funnier, too, because i'm several years younger, yet i find myself in the position of emotional wiseness you wouldn't expect from the younger brother over the older sibling. it's like being completely alone and suffering abuse from my family for years and then seeing my one dream shatter in front of my eyes forged me by fire

i can't tell you whether my sister is exactly how i am. she can't be as alone as i was, she has friends and keeps making more. i even took strides in trusting her again despite how much she's hurt me. in my eyes, she has far more than i had, far more of a support system, far more ways to reassure herself that she isn't some monster, than i had

if i came out far wiser than anyone in this house despite feeling like smoke filled my lungs and i'll never breathe cleanly again, i think she can come out on top too. she has a far better survival chance, anyway.

on another note, i do occasionally still feel affected by the love for my friend being unrequited. i accepted that, and i'm glad he cares about me like i care about him. but sometimes at midnight i sigh. look at the wall. realize that maybe i'm doomed to be alone romantically. maybe alone in general. but it's comforting to talk to him through text. despite everything, i'm too thankful to have a true friend to care.

i worry, occasionally. that i won't find a lover who's willing to accept that i'm friends with someone to this degree. but in the end, if i can't be with someone that at least accepts me, that bare minimum of tolerance, then it's not worth it to be with them at all.

you can have sex without dating, anyway. so it's not like i can't satisfy myself without getting a lover. it's just a small dream of mine that i know i'll always wake up from. i just hope that it's similar to all the times i dreamed i had a friend. i mean, i have one, now. who knows if we'll stay in touch. but i have one

[witchcraftandburialdirt]

"Some attitude you have!" Haru exclaimed, his voice tinged with playful sarcasm as he leaned back in his chair, "I didn't imply shit! Not my fault you're so caught up in your own little gay fantasies that you can't stop 'em from spillin' into our conversation!" He snorted alongside a roll of his dark eyes, the standard combination of amusement and exasperation which Ezreal always managed to dredge up on their outings. He took a casual sip from his latte, and Haru shot a quick glance down at Ez, who had sprawled dramatically across the table, lamenting the same recurring theme they'd spoken about only a thousand times since they first met. Haru really didn't get it - he didn't see the point in trying to turn his romantic woes to an on-repeat soap opera, ━ complete with all the melodrama of unrequited love and self-inflicted heartbreak- that would only hurt worse later.

As Ezreal's head thudded against the table in a theatrical display of anguish, Haru couldn’t help but offer a sympathetic smile despite his harsh banter; he was fond of Ez. He whistled low, about to comment before Ezreal brought up Haru's own love life ━ pulling a curled lip and earning a rather snappish reply,

"Oh hell no, you are not bringing me into this either," he declared, "I'm not lookin' and I don't need to be." With a sigh, his demeanor shifting as his glare softened ever so slightly. “If anything, your situation has given me more than enough reason to stray away of any industry folks,” he added. Haruko's brow rose high on his face while his expression fell flat at the mention of "No, it's not me" ━ mumbling something along the lines of I would hope to fuck it isn't for you..

A faint smirk tugging at his lips. "No offense, but you’re not really my … well, I guess you’re sort of my type lookswise, but personality you're way too much like my sister." Absentmindedly Haru's hand lowered to pat Bonnie, "And you obviously do relationships," he pressed on, his tone darkening to a serious note, "Unless you wanna just text him now and tell him you're not interested." His gaze sharpened, urging Ezreal to confront it head-on instead of walking and tripping on the eggshells he was purposefully placing. Did the guy like sabotaging himself?

"Otherwise, stop beating around the bush like some whiny little bitch and actually tell him how you feel. Is that so hard?"

[splaede]

AFTER DARK. Armin Arlert (CH. 2)

☰ pairings: Armin x Reader, Slight Eren x Reader

┌─ ✮⭒｡ story summary: Armin was tired of being seen as an innocent, goody-two-shoes, little flower boy. Instead, he wanted to be seen in a more romantic and…sexual light. You just couldn’t turn down a sweet boy like him, so you agreed to hone his charms and teach him special…skills.

And he turned out to be much more powerful (and hotter) than you'd ever expected.

└─ ✩⭒｡ story #tags: fluff, angst, smut, friends to lovers, friends w benefits, drama, jealousy, hurt/comfort, manipulative armin, virgin armin, loss of virginity, childhood friends, lots of tension, nerd armin, and then he glows up, love triangles, unrequited love, gaslighting, lots of buildup

☰ CHAPTER TWO. armin's revelation

┌─ ✮⭒｡ chapter summary: After an evening at Eren's house, you learn crucial things about Armin.

└─ ✩⭒｡ chapter warnings: none

☰ table of contents | previous chapter | next chapter

It was yet another hot day, though cooler than the last. You found yourself alone with Armin for a second time, but luckily in a far less intimate situation.

It had been two days since the deal…or rather, suggestion. It was only a suggestion. 

For now.

The more you thought about it, the more the idea sounded jarring. You might've nodded at his words, but you doubted your ability to score him a girlfriend. Even so, you wouldn't—and couldn't—doubt his seriousness. Armin was honest and rarely spoke with hidden meanings.

Perhaps you should be willing to help him.

Anything for your sweet, sweet, best friend, right?

You hadn't gotten a chance to talk it through before Eren phoned for you to get back into the room. A day flew past in a breeze, then another, and here you were, sailing where the wind took you.

Apparently, the wind took you to Armin's car.

"I wonder what Eren called us over for," Armin mumbled, languidly pushing up his glasses with one hand and clutching onto the steering wheel with the other.

The faint hum of music buzzed in your ears, and you mindlessly watched the slow blur of trees and houses pass by from the passenger window. It was late afternoon—almost evening, and the hearth of the sun seemed to melt into the horizon. Purples and oranges and reds wept along the sun's trail until you couldn't discern them anymore, pooling together in a captivating blend like watercolor on a canvas. Carpooling with Armin was often peaceful and comforting, with soft music and dulcet air conditioning. He had insisted he give you a ride today.

Nearly missing the words that tumbled out of his mouth, you snapped out of your reverie and turned your head to face him.

"Hopefully it's not something stupid. What if he just misses us?" you laughed, though you doubted the latter was the actual reason. All you knew was that Eren sent a vague "guys come over" to the group chat, and Mikasa was quickly on her way before the rest of you could ask for an explanation. Armin had picked you up from your shift at the cafe earlier, and the two of you were heading to Eren's house.

Nevertheless, there was nothing to worry about. It would just be another harmless hangout at Eren's. Nothing out of the ordinary—not even his unexcused dryness. Plus, you'd be lying if you said you didn't want to see him.

"He probably needs something from us." You turn your head back to the window, its passing scenery greeting you once again. "Not that I'm complaining," you muttered, smiling to yourself.

That reminded you of your confession the other day.

Shit. That must've reminded Armin, too. He hadn't mentioned anything about it so far, so you weren't going to bring it up. Better to keep it that way.

From your peripheral, you saw him tense up. He was going to say something about it, wasn't he?

But he didn't.

Instead, he kept driving, eyes trained upfront.

You sighed, not realizing you were tense, too. Right now wouldn't be a good time as Eren's house neared closer and closer. It was almost foreboding, like a bewitched, haunted house in the midst of a sunny suburb. You swore the more you anticipated meeting the all-too-familiar person who dwelled inside the house, the more the spell seemed to lure you further.

Before you knew it, Armin's car quickly braked on garage pavement, and the engine clicked to a stop with a hasty twist of his keys. You almost knocked Armin's car door against Mikasa's car as you stepped out.

"I see this house more than I see my parents," Armin quipped, pulling you shoulder-to-shoulder towards the front door.

Not even a second before Armin's finger could graze the doorbell, the door swung open. You swore Armin jumped back into your arms, but your attention was locked on a certain brown-haired man, who stood tall and domineering, his grin poisoned by something almost sinister yet so warm.

"Hey. We're going to be cleaning my room," Eren said coolly.

God, Eren was always full of surprises.

"You called us over for this? " Your jaw dropped, and he sent you an endearing, but very clearly unapologetic smile. Despite that, you embraced the heart of his welcome home as Eren stepped aside for you.

"Eren, you can do this yourself,” Armin sighed.

"I can." He innocently blinked. "But it'll be easier with you guys. The more the merrier, right? Plus, I have some of your stuff—might as well take it back."

Armin let out an amused chuckle with a bashful smile, then gently ran a hand through his hair. "I'm good, you can just keep it at this point." 

Ever since the dawn of your friendship, Eren's house was the designated meeting spot. His home was the biggest and the most luxurious, filled with browns and beiges and grays that seemed to wrap you in a blanket of affection. You were sure you left some things here, too. Everything must've accumulated over the years. Even though you took your stuff back, someway, somehow, newer stuff kept turning up. In the end, it became too recurrent for you to care anymore.

Besides, his place was like a second home to you. You wondered if the reason you were so eager to come back was because of the homeliness or because of something—or rather, someone —else.

Eren and Armin's idle chatter lingered about the dim living room, which was never fully lit up, but you were already clambering up the stairs towards Eren's room.

Not only was his living room dim, but his room was usually overcast with a dusky luster. Except for today. Today, it was uncharacteristically bright, with overhead lights instead of low, warm lamps. The first thing you saw was a crouching Mikasa hovering over a box.

"Hey, Mikasa." You smiled. "What are you looking at?"

Raven hair fluttered with the movement of her head. "It's Eren's old photos and drawings."

You stepped closer and peered into the box. It was filled with little doodled slips of paper, some folded, some crinkled, and polaroids of your friends—all failed shots, remnants of what could've been on his wall. A few birthday cards were in there, too, messily thrown together with gel pens and bold markers. Your nimble fingers shuffled through the papers and pulled out a particular polaroid.

"No way, I remember this,” you laughed. It was an elementary picture of the four of you piggybacking one another: Armin carrying Eren, and Mikasa carrying you, although Armin received the short end of the stick and struggled beneath Eren's weight. Armin's face was the funniest part, twisted between a frown and a grimace as the flash momentarily blinded him.

"Why'd you take it down, Eren?" you asked, still smiling at the polaroid. Eren, who was by the door, drew closer to take a peek at your hand. He only chuckled in response and dragged himself to his closet.

"Oh, I know,” a new voice spoke up, all-too-familiar, all-too-mellow, and all-too-close. Armin suddenly stood beside you, peering over your shoulder, blonde hair brushing the shell of your ears. You wondered when he snuck up next to you, and so stealthily, too. He was so close, so intimately close, that you could smell his chapstick.

"I know exactly why," he brooded.

And when you turned to face him, the tips of your noses kissed. He seemed to pay it no mind. You didn't let yourself get too engrossed in the moment and quickly turned back, following his line of vision towards his younger self in the photo. You both stared at young Armin.

He looked constipated.

"I looked constipated,” Armin complained with a frown before promptly walking away. Eren and Mikasa snickered from their corners of the room, and you couldn't stifle yours either.

"Guys, don't laugh..."

"I'm keeping this," you teased.

Fear painted Armin’s eyes. “No, please don't.”

Eren chuckled. "Okay, guys, get to cleaning. Just start somewhere, anywhere. Armin, you can look under my bed or something. Y/N, help me with this. This place better be spotless, got it?"

"Under the bed?" Armin whined as he kneeled to peek below the tossed sheets and bedding, only to go wide-eyed and grimace. “This is so silly."

"Yeah, we're not your servants," you agreed, crossing your arms and shooting Eren a pointed glare. Despite that, you obediently stalked closer to him. "You sound like Professor Ackerman."

"Oh, don't remind me," Eren mumbled. "I guess that means all of his conditioning paid off.” He scoffed and looked away, diverting his green gaze from yours.

"Clearly not enough." Mikasa pulled out an unplugged PS4 from under his bed.

Ignoring her comment, Eren turned to pull out old shoes, containers, and clothes from the floor of his closet.

You liked the way his bare arms flexed as he did so, tapered veins and muscles gorgeous on his naturally bronzed complexion. He looked so heavenly from the side, with his nose sculpted straight and delicately pointed and lips jutting out perfectly from his face.

What a beautiful man.

When he called your name, you were quick to meet his gaze. You got too caught up in staring at him.

"Professor Ackerman was a great teacher. It was just his way of keeping us in check," you retorted.

"Y/N, you're only saying that because you think he's attractive."

A short, soft laugh sounded somewhere behind you, which you could assume was Armin.

"He's old and short, Y/N," Mikasa argued as she rummaged through yet simultaneously descrambled the contents of Eren’s desk.

"Forget that, his face is hot. And his hair."

"That man is distantly related to me."

You limply raised your hands in defense. "Attractiveness runs in the family then, Mikasa." You winked. 

She shyly frowned in return, but her eyes darted back to you. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." You grinned and turned back to Eren.

He gestured to the hanger he currently held up high before quickly shoving it in your face. "Y/N, do you want this hoodie? I don't want it."

It looked rarely worn and almost new, freshly smoothed out, and smelled of his home fragrance. It had a print on the front and was dark in color, matching the deep tones reminiscent of a forest in his wardrobe.

You internally screamed. A personal gift from Eren, and his hoodie, no less? Oh, you would definitely be taking this.

Eren held it up to your frame as if sizing you up like a mother shopping for her child. You unknowingly drew closer to his touch with a smile. He reciprocated with a smile of his own, gentle and proud on the thin of his lips. 

Ever since your confession, you felt as if you could act on your feelings more. But you knew you shouldn't. He was still just a friend, and you still couldn't even figure out if your feelings for him were platonic or not.

Eren released his hold when you took the hanger from his hands.

"I have more that I don't wear, if you want them."

Your cheeks instantly warmed at the thought of wearing Eren’s clothes—granted, clothes that he didn’t feel a need for anymore.

"Yeah, sure, thank you. Why me, though? What about Armin and Mikasa?"

Strong arms swayed as he started shuffling through the hangers and hangers of clothing. "Armin doesn't wear my style, and I've already asked Mikasa, but she doesn't want them."

Oh. You were a fool for thinking that you were any more special than your friends, especially someone even closer to him like Mikasa.

"Ah, Eren, so why are we doing this?" Armin asked. You knew from his lopsided smile that he was less than pleased though still willing to uncover junk from the crevices of Eren's bedroom.

"My father's coming home for the summer, so my mom wants my room cleaned before she comes home from work or I'm going to get an earful. I'd like it if I was on her good side before I move out soon. Not like Grisha would want to come into my room, though.”

He mumbled something about being treated like a kid, but you've heard that rant one too many times in your younger years to pay it any mind.

Cleaning went by, and you ended up with three more sweaters and hoodies than you had insisted on taking.

Not that you were complaining.

Most of the organizing came from his closet (it was a Yeager miracle that so much stuff could be shoved in there) and his drawers, which held a lot of...questionable things. The rest was clothes on the floor and hair care products that were supposed to be in his bathroom.

But when he fished out the sweeper and hand vacuums, you knew that you were done for.

Now, the four of you sat on his carpet once more, just like the other day—or any day at his house, really.

"You have a lot of unnecessary belongings, Eren." Mikasa scolded lightheartedly. She had been doing that since childhood, and you doubted she'd ever stop for as long they knew each other. Eren Yeager was typically a clean man, which was why it was a surprise to see the messes hidden behind doors and drawers and dusty bed corners, and it was him who ordered your classmates to clean when Professor Ackerman wasn't watching, too.

"Like those." You pointed to Eren's "#1 dad" slippers that sat snugly under sock-clad feet.

Eren wiggled his foot, and the slippers swayed comically with the movement. "You don't think these are necessary?" He shot you and Mikasa a bemused look.

You smiled. Four young adults on the floor of a bedroom, bantering like preteens as the aspects of money and responsibilities flew over their heads.

"Ah, my mom is calling. I'll be right back." Armin fumbled with his ringing phone between his fingers as he hastily shuffled to his feet and out the door. You only spared his retreating figure a glance before Eren reached over to your side and grabbed the TV remote. You felt the heat of his whole body looming over you.

"Do you mind if I change the movie?"

Scooting back to give him space, you replied, "I don't mind. But fair warning, the movie you chose yesterday put me and Armin to sleep."

Eren huffed and shot you a blank look. "You should appreciate my movie selection more."

Before you could retort, Armin stumbled back in, "Um, I have to go. My mom needs me home right now." He quickly motioned with his hand for you to come with him.

Oh. Right. Too swept up in the moment, you hastily staggered upwards, cradling Eren's hoodies and sweaters in your arms. You forgot that Armin was the one that drove you here.

You were almost at the door when Eren spoke up. "You don't have to leave early. I can take—"

And then he stopped mid-sentence.

You pieced it together: Eren and Mikasa sitting alone in one room.

"No...?" you mused, standing at the doorway.

Armin must've seen the unease in your face because he, too, put two and two together.

"It's late anyway, Y/N, I can take you home." Armin soothes your back with the pads of his fingers, unbeknownst to the eyes of the two still sitting in the room.

You left it at that, and your exchanges of goodbyes were brief. You saw Mikasa open her mouth to say more, but you and Armin were already gone from the door frame before she could speak.

The walk down the stairs and into Armin's car was silent. Being alone with Armin had always led to something lately. Maybe there would be another question. What was he going to ask now?

You had barely fastened your seatbelt when your suspicions came true.

"Do you ever plan on telling him how you feel?"

Your eyes widened in surprise. 

"Who?" you played dumb, lips pressing together.

Armin shot you a pointed glare, sharp like knives piercing the side of your cheek. Nonetheless, he smiled.

"You know who."

Hesitation washed over you for a moment. You could hear his seatbelt click into place as the engine started.

When you didn't answer, he continued, "I noticed you looking at him a lot."

You pursed your lips and looked at him. "Armin, you saw them up there. He was going to offer me a ride home but stopped. He wanted time alone with her, didn't he?" 

The idea of Eren and Mikasa alone in one room didn't sit too well with you.

It was Armin's turn to go silent. The radio was faint, so faint that you needed his silence to really hear it. By now, the car had started moving, and Eren's driveway was long forgotten. You could sense Armin's hesitance, but his words come out all the more confident.

"I guessed that too, but we're both reading too much into it. They're just best friends."

"That like each other,” you added, sighing. "I know that what I'm saying might be a stretch, but it's so obvious that they have something for each other.” You frowned and looked out the window to avoid his gaze as you weighed your next words carefully.

“Armin, um, I think I do like him romantically—I've just been convincing myself it's platonic. But I won't stand a chance against Mikasa."

"I guess we're both having love troubles. I feel as if I don't stand a chance, either." He ran a hand through his blonde locks.

"Oh, with Annie?"

"Oh—yeah. Right. Um, with Annie," he assured you, yet somehow not sounding too sure of himself either.

Your vision parted from the blur of yellow street lights when you turned to him. "How so?"

He paused for a moment.

"I doubt Annie would like somebody like me. Throughout high school, I was the stereotypical nerd..." He continued with a soft mumble, "I still am."

You knew that Armin was known as a nerdy, geeky person, and you suspected he might've been ostracized for it, but it never bothered him until now—or so you thought.

"You think she wouldn’t like you because of that? Armin, you're sweet, smart, caring, and considerate. If she doesn't like your interests or your nerdiness, then it's better to find someone that won't stop you from doing what makes you happy."

Armin nodded. "You're right. But, I don't know if she... likes it or not. I was only assuming."

Seeing him feel down, you reassured, "Lots of girls like nerdy boys."

Armin didn’t immediately respond. As a red light brought his car to a standstill, you sat through the tensest silence of the night yet. You wanted to keep yourself occupied. Maybe you could count streetlights or trace where the crimson of the light stops on your skin, but nothing could distract you from the man sitting in the driver's seat.

Then Armin finally looked at you.

"Y/N, I'm not dumb. I'm aware of what people say to me. I know when girls flirt with me, and I know that they don't mean it. I know that people like messing with some quiet, smart kid that will get flustered easily. I'm an easy target that you can pull quick reactions from." He paused and turned away. From the side, the blues of his eyes almost looked grayed out and dark beneath the shadow of his downturned lashes.

"What if they were actually flirting with you?"

He shot you a blank, pointed stare as if your attempt to console him sounded ludicrous. He looked peeved, even. If you hadn't known Armin any better, you would've thought it was a glare.

"I don't—I don't think so. I'm—"

"Well, how would you know?"

He pursed his lips. "It's just...my conversations with people don't feel sincere sometimes. It's more of a validation thing. Pretty girl and shy boy.

"Armin, you're not shy. You're pretty outgoing."

A cautious, slow smile curled at the corners of his lips. It went quiet once more, and the tense air dissipated into what felt like a compromise.

"I just...feel unattractive."

Your next words blurted themselves out before you could even suppress them.

"I think you're cute."

It was quiet for a moment. Too quiet. Armin didn’t respond. In fact, he didn’t even blush. You had nothing to focus on but the beam of car lights and the drone of soft music and the sound of moving tires, and you were stuck in this car for as long as he was here.

Fuck, you shouldn't have accepted his ride, or even his offer to drive you here in the first place. You almost fancied the idea that his insistence to drive you was for a reason, but that was now clearly unlikely.

He finally said, "Remember what I told you the other day? I want you to help me. I want to change, Y/N."

Your apartment was drawing closer, and your time together was coming to an end. You lived alone, so maybe you could use this lonesome night to think about what to do with your feelings...and about Armin, too.

"You...you don't need to change for anybody. You deserve to be loved for who you are."

As the vehicle rolled into the parking lot, Armin let your words sink in.

"It's okay if Annie and I don't work out. I want to change for myself."

The car doors unlocked with a click. You had arrived.

"Thank you for listening to me, even if you didn't want to. I'm sorry. Goodnight, Y/N." He smiled at you like sweet, sweet candy, and you might as well have been a cavity. You shuffled out of the seat as neatly as you could with a pile of Eren's sweater and hoodies in your arms, and before you could slam the door shut, Armin stopped you.

"You deserve someone that will love you for who you are, too."

You stilled at that, but you couldn't help but smile, too. Maybe yours was even sweeter than his, whose gaze was nothing short of heartfeltness and earnestness. Armin truly was an honest person, and you hoped that whichever way you helped him wouldn't be in vain.

"Thank you. We can talk more tomorrow. Goodnight."

Hugging Eren's clothes tighter to your chest all the while, you walked into your building, leaving Armin in the youthful haze of the night.

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