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sillyfudgemonkeys · 1 year ago

Note

By p5 you mean in terms of plot and themes or in terms of salt? (Go off either way I'm always down to hear riffing on Wish)

It's the plot/themes tbh. In terms of salt...... I didn't mind the film but it def gave "undercook chicken vibes" TT0TT (I could probs bitch about Raya more, but I guess I can muster up some grievances with this film klasjfdlkj;af but before that P5). (edit of me from the future after getting to the end of this ask: while writing this I went from "eh" on Wish, to "I hold this new hc rewrite very dear to me for some reason" I dunno if y'all wanna hear a outline rewrite of Wish but I'd be down for it kasfdjklf):

Before the bitching about Wish's issues, let's address the P5 (well more P5R/P5S with the whole stealing OTHER people's wishes-I mean desires, and then also granting said wishes) parallels first. So I DID NOT know it was going to be.....technically a heist film (without the fun heist tropes ;w; and technically also only for a small duration ;w;) Suddenly it was "You can't take people's desires-I mean wishes", and "I'll take them back! They don't belong to you!" and the villain crushing the desire-I mean wish harms the original person (as well as it being taken seems to affect them too??? Or was that just Sleep-I mean Simon? Or was there even a connection? It's not really explored well! :'D) And then the team uses a star to take down a wish granting god, AND the masses of the people take down the controlling god as well-....you have a rag tag team of people to help rebel against the authority, as well as someone from that same group who betrays them and is controlled by the godly being ("controlled" in Goro's case, Wish did a better job exploring that than P5 imo >_> by that I mean literal bare minimum) and also has a knight motif (I think black mask, along with Mako's outfit, have a knight motif)

There's a lot of similarities. aklfjdlksajf I was NOT expecting it.

Ok now for just.......salt. Diet salt? Frustrations but w/o the hate? *shrugs*

So the pacing was a thing. I was wondering how they'd get from one point to the next, and then realized they were just gonna barrel and quirk their way through. TT0TT

I REALLY hated Asha's character when she was *~quirky~*. That only worked for Tangled/Frozen, `1) it wasn't overplayed (Tangled literally started it, so by Frozen it was like 2 instances by this point only), 2) It made sense for those chars (locked away during a critical part of their life, yeah no wonder they weren't well adjusted), 3) they looked similar and the cameo just kinda fueled the theory they are (distant) cousins (aka so maybe hereditary personality trait).

Everyone else has been......not original and it's just......boring/annoying. (Raya I think was the closest we got away from it, but she's kinda just a Korra clone, cool but with dorky moments.......sigh I'll take it).

I physically cringed in the theater during her interview bc of the dorkiness. TT0TT I cringed so much that....I think I might've missed the reason why the king even bothered to show Asha the wishes???? He trusted her? She interested him??? That's the vibe I got but like.....WHY?????? (again was cringing and she was like 'oh I'm bombing" and he's like "no you have my attention" and I'm like "oh this dialogue is so bad TT0TT Get me outttttt!!!!") Before moving onto the next point, when she's not *~quirky~* she's......there. Fine. I prefer her at her basic just don't give me her worst, I can't handle her at her worst. TT0TT

This whole thing could've/would've/should've been avoided if the King didn't let her see the wishes! Or explain in detail! Like you're smarter than this aren't you my dude? This seems like something you keep hidden only for the MC to find out later and THAT causes a big stir. Not "let's show the MC I'm sure nothing wrong will surely come from it!" Like????? I need a better reasoning!!!

Now the actual act of the villain. Not saying what he was doing was right or good. The guy is a dick, a narcissistic dick. But.......everyone seemed relatively happy? TT0TT Like not even in a mind control way. And he wasn't doing anything bad to the wishes (not doing a lot in general but at least he wasn't hurting them??????). Like I know it's technically using it as a means to keep people there (dangling a carrot in front of their face, manipulation) but....I just feel like we aren't given enough information and they spend so much time on people being so chill it's like???? Is it really an issue??? TT0TT Like we have the dialogue about Simon losing his spark or some BS but like.....no one else seems to have the same issue TT0TT

I dunno, his whole "using it for control" and lack of doing anything evil with them to begin with is kinda.........not well developed. :') Like on the surface, yeah he's bad, but digging deeper ...well it's just not that deep. All the shit he does afterwards is bc Asha challenged him and accidentally wished a star down. (tldr; his "control" on everyone doesn't really feel well defined)

Basically, if they were doing a grey->evil pipeline, they didn't do a good job. Either he needed more fleshing out, or just start him off as pretty not great and then going full blown sorcerer at the end.

While I'm still on the king, I was REALLY BOTHERED by how much they kept leaning into his sad backstory. Once? Ok. But like they ref it like 2-4 times so I'm like "????? Did HE cause the tragedy???? WHAT was the tragedy????" Like I kept expecting more of a twist with it (like the king was actually the reason for it) and for them to go into detail but no it's just dropped. TT0TT ????? Was it really just there to make him grey/justified in his actions??? Well it'd help if I KNEW MORE OF WHAT HAPPENED!

I also kept expecting more from Asha's dad. Like they kept bringing up that mfers back on that gd tree but...nope nothing!

Ok moving onto songs. Wow only 6 songs? I'm surprised. Tho one felt like it went on for WAY too long.

"I'm a star" was a song....that when it showed up I was like "Oh geez.....why???" It just brought the pacing to a halt. TT0TT I don't want to hear people bitch about Fixer Upper ever again, at least that progressed SOMETHING. (both are still better from A Guy Like You from the looks of it......and F1's "In Summer" but not cause In Summer was bad, but because the point could've been summed up in a line or three/was summed up already.......those mfers almost cut Do you want to build a snowman but were gonna keep THAT??? I would've rioted fsakljdlkfja TT0TT....oh right Fixer upper vs I'm a star)

Ok ok, so both have something that's important to the plot. Ngl I was wondering what IAS was doing until.....the climax where I was like "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ok, ok I....alright." (aka where everyone uses "the star power within them to defeat the evil). So the meaning behind it I don't mind, it's the.....execution.

So with Fixer Upper, it's a similar thing. FU (haha) contains something important to the plot that'll help the heroes out later (or explain a key part of the story). FU is basically stating/reminding the audience (and Anna) "Elsa is scared and stressed, but if you keep showing your Love to her, Anna, you'll break through to her. Love brings out the best in people!" It's the point of F1. It's the point of The Snow Queen. It's what's been going on this entire film. It also helps develop Anna/Kristoff as well. Because of this it doesn't derail the plot.

I know it DOES feel similar to A Guy Like you, where they put some comedy right in between more serious moments. The difference is Paris is on literal fire, and Anna....due to dramatic irony, isn't aware of shit hitting the fan just yet (or that she's about to die). So she's in a position of just one last moment of brevity unlike Hunchback (from what I remember of Hunchback, gotta rewatch tbh but I know people HATE A guy like you so TT0TT)

Now FU is towards the end of the film and.....F1 is paced fairly well imo. Stuff's happening, nothing feels wasted. Back to Wish.....I'm a Star....doesn't. It has answers for later, but it felt like it brought the pacing to a screeching halt to give me a weird and very eh version of Be Our Guest.

I know in musicals "when talking isn't enough, you sing. When singing isn't enough, you dance."

I do not get the....well...NEED for the scene to be like this. Just talking could've done it justice, and esp saved time (a handful of seconds vs minutes TT0TT)

Like for the climax a scene with THIS SONG needed to happen. But how it comes about is just......it's not it. It's not paced well. Be Our Guest works because Belle knew ALL these chars for a bit. FU worked because the AUDIENCE still recognized these chars from the beginning (and at least KRISTOFF knew who they were). I'm a Star is mostly with random animals and plants that just....happens. TT0TT "Just go with it" no I don't think I want to little rabbit (I feel like a plant/animal said that line but I don't remember which, maybe it was Bambi)

I dunno the set up isn't....great. Wait, it's really just "I have a dream" but.......shittier, like not as well executed. But I have a dream doesn't come outta nowhere, it's set up by Flynn and then executed. The Star just sprinkles some magic dust and it's like "well I guess this is happening."

Tldr; I'm a star isn't well executed even tho it's important to the plot. It needs to be paced better.

Ok other songs (tbh I was eh on the songs but I'm not really liking At all Costs and This Wish).....Welcome to Rosas reminded me a LOT of Encanto's opening and dancing (only thing I was positive towards that movie on). But that dancing is....never brought back? Ok. The framing of the intro song is similar. Exposition through song is ok. (I didn't like F2's Some thing never change but it does catch us up). It's fine.

This is the thanks I get: I liked it when I heard it. Kinda laughable, because of how evil he just....turned into. The king is a real let down ngl, but I already kinda went into my issues with him earlier. I think it's nice he doesn't make them pay rent like wtf let me live there. u_u

At all costs. I........really like this song ngl. It sounds like a love song. The demo even more so (to the point people wondered if it was originally for the King/Queen and/or Asha/Star). Part of me likes the K/Q and Asha/Star duality, but I also........really just like the twisted-ness of King/Asha just singing their own mindset. I dunno I find the idea hauntingly beautiful and is a better villain song for King. Why couldn't King be more evil earlier? It would've been SOOOO GOOD HERE! TT0TT

This Wish: I like it. Was looking forward to this song ngl. Not my most fav song in the world or disney verse, but I like it. I also like the reprise version, they stuck the landing the best they could with that imo. (it's only held back by the other issues of the film). I think I read on TV tropes this song was written first and then a plot made around it? TT0TT I dunno.

The Revolution song I literally forgot of: Probs the most forgettable, like ok sure whatever. At least it wasn't cringy like I'm a star but 8U

Also I JUST found out (after typing most of this) that apparently the song writers were......mostly known for pop songs????? And not musical theater???? Which...ok that makes sense with the whole "when talking isn't enough, you sing. When singing isn't enough, you dance" combined with the thing I read on TV tropes and This Wish..... There wasn't a lot of synergy with how/why some of those song scenes are happening. TT0TT

I mean I'm a basic bitch who likes pop songs don't get me wrong, I'm over here vibbing to This Wish (OG and Reprise) and At All Costs. But Disney did not let those two live up to their full potential ;w; And I believe it's because they......forgot it was a musical and to do more musical theater choices. TT0TT

Thoughts on characters. I don't care for the grandpa/mom ngl. I don't hate them but I don't care. Not a fan of Asha's dad, just.....such a nothing char. Her 7 friends are ok (too many perhaps, put some on the chopping block jalkfdjska). I wish the goat didn't speak (or just sounded cute), or if he did speak in that voice he didn't appear in ALMOST EVERY SCENE (I think Asha/Star duo would've been best). Queen ok, should've been evil. King is ok, should've put him in the over longer tho (and made him more evil from the start).

What could've been: Queen was also suppose to be evil (she should've). Star was gonna be a tumblr Jack Frost esque twink. Disney dropped the ball on that u_u Did he HAVE to exist? Depends on the story (twink or cute star creature, either work it just depends on what the focus is and how you go about it). But the Queen should've been evil.

Oh my thoughts on the meta ending........I.....don't.....it .....didn't make sense? I know people are saying 'oh Disney's just saying it's references! They're backtracking on the extended universe!" and.....like it feels more like references tbh. Like Peter Pan, the guy iirc was an adult (wait of course he has to be an adult, you give your wish away at 18!), he wants to make a plane with the lady. He just looks like Peter Pan. I don't think they are the same Peter. Same with Bambi, OG Bambi isn't a surfer stoner. I think it's just a reference. I think the movie is just too full of references.

"Asha changes race and becomes the fairy god mother to Cindy!" I..dunno.....maybe? She said she'd be ROSAS' fairy god mother....I don't think Cindy takes place anywhere near that. No seaside from that movie iirc. (I mean she can travel but......I dunno)

The only thing I'd buy is Star maybe connecting with Pinocchio or something from across the milkyway. And the sky is the cinematic universe, because I just....can't buy the other refs being part of something greater. So if it's just the sky part.....then 1) it's kinda just pointless tbh cause it doesn't really matter. 2) they wanna be Kingdom Hearts so bad TT0TT I hope KH4 has Wish in it, I'd love to see how that mess will roll. (they can't make it any worse :'D it can only go up from here....esp compared to KH3's Frozen world *sobs* I'll never forgive you KH3 *sobs harder* A game about hearts......and a plot device of a FROZEN HEART YOU COULD'VE EXPANDED YOUR LORE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *ugly cries* *coughs* I can see them doing something with your "inner star" and KH hearts tbh >_>)

Anyway I do think it's more references than cinematic universe.

#I don't want to bitch about encanto but again I dislike encanto A LOT more (actually wanted to turn it off barely halfway through TT0TT)#i just didn't like the plot thought the chars were not balanced and it was over bloated and I didn't like the songs #so.......too subjective for me to rant about imo (plus I DO NOT want to subject myself to it again to be more accurate in my rants)#silly asks #silly answers

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myonmukyuu · 2 years ago

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Art Summary: 2022

It's that time of year again! This makes my 9th year of art summaries... Kind of insane to think about.

It's been a very eventful year and I have a lot to say. Extended art performance review under the cut 👌 (3k words lmao)

Previous: 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021

ABOUT THE COMIC:

So! What happened this year? Well, my book happened. I'm not sure if anything else happened ahfhasjkdkasf

See, I actually cheated this art summary a tiny bit. Usually I use the upload date of the art to place it in the summary. But if I did that for this year, there would be at least 4 blank spots. That's why February, April and May all feature different pages of the same comic (CH 9).

I really did spend the first half of the year finishing my comic. I only released 2 chapters too (the finale and the epilogue). In March I took a week and a half off to work on a short for Ayumu's birthday, but otherwise slaved all the way until June for the webcomic.

Then I spent July and August doing all of the redrawing and edits required for a physical release. Those who have a copy of my book might already know but the first two chapters have been redrawn. I also had to go through the entire comic, fixing it so that it could actually be printed (because the webcomic version definitely can't be printed as it is.) It was super time-consuming. Like, I can't even begin to describe. Moving forward I'll try to draw every comic so that it's printable from the beginning so I don't have to deal with reformatting ever again...

I'm pretty sure it was in August that I had the first copy of the book done. Then the preordering period opened in Septemeber... and now we're here! People are just now starting to receive their books. Sorry it took so long guys ;w;

I'm very happy though... Depending on who you ask, 100 sales might not be a lot, but it's a lot to me. To think that so many people would spend the money to buy this kind of product is just so surprising to me... It's expensive and all of the content is already available to read for free!!! So it's really surprising and I'm so incredibly grateful. That's why I went through the trouble of creating that golden special print for everyone! It was quite a bit of money out of my pocket, but I really wanted to show my appreciation.

As a side note, the 100 sales were really exhausting to pack. My body was sore in November because of it LMAO

So I'd say this year was great for my comic! Both its webcomic finale and its physical release. But this summary isn't meant to be about my comic, it's supposed to be about my art and me as an artist.

ABOUT MY ART:

So how did my art go this year?

Looking back I feel nothing but exhaustion. I know I'm happy to have my comic released but, my body and mind is still very very tired. I feel like I took at least 2-3 weeks off or more from work throughout the year to keep the comic on track. It's just a huge undertaking.

What I'm getting at is I feel a tired and... a little disappointed. But don't get me wrong, I don't feel regret! It's just that... well every artist draws for their own reasons. For me, I love getting my ideas and stories out there. So I guess I felt creatively-starved spending about half a year polishing and releasing an already-complete product. Also technically starved - you don't really see much improvement if all you're doing is cleaning up art. I didn't really have a lot of time to draw because of the physical release so I often felt like I wasn't doing enough.

And honestly that's my main sentiment. While I feel happy and satisfied with releasing the book, another part of me feels like she didn't do enough.

In terms of technical skill, I definitely saw improvement this year. It's like something clicked in me and I had a better understanding of atmospheric lighting. CH 9 and the epilogue are probably some of my favourite bits of colouring I've ever done. I just love how it turned out. In CH 9, the gradual setting of the sun to create this orange/pink/purple colour palette was so fun to implement. And in the Epilogue, this blue/green/yellow rainy day came out perfectly. It was a rainy day, but unlike CH 7, it wasn't a dreary downpour but something more hopeful instead. I have a love for creating atmosphere and especially through colour. And I think I did well there.

In the realm of black/white, I also feel lots of improvement! I'm becoming more confident with monochrome and am starting to push it further. I'm not satisfied with my skill level, but I think it's promising. I may be more confident with creating tone through colour, but I'm sure I can do the same without it!

This year I also did quite a bit of painting. I really love how the October and November artworks came out. Honestly it was around this point in the year, I had the most time to output works as the only comic work I had to do was purely admin (until I started packaging things in November). I could go into technical depth, but this post is long enough. Just know that I'm happy with the little leaps my colouring skills made.

GOALS FOR 2022:

For my art summaries, I've been doing a performance review styled thing where I create goals for the upcoming year. Let's take a look at what goals I wrote for 2022 and how I went with them.

“I want to finish my comic series”

Passed with flying colours! I think the comic release was a success. This goal is a little cheap of a goal though, since I don't think I'd let myself live it down if I gave up.

“I also want to continue to try things that are outside of my comfort zone. I want to see myself try things like different angles/perspectives and more complex backgrounds.”

Now this goal... I think I made progress here. I'm not sure if people noticed but I did definitely try to slip in different angles here and there. I'm particularly good at them... but I'm trying! And I think that's the least I can do. You won't get good at something if you don't try after all. That being said, I should push backgrounds more... I rarely do them 😅

"I want to do more illustrations/quick drawings on top of my comic work."

My comic work was suffocating a lot of the time. But I did try to draw on top of it. I haven't really talked about it, nor shown anyone, but I started learning copic markers this year (borrowed my friend's set!). So in the background I've been doing 30-60 minute traditional art exercises. I'm not terribly diligent, but diligent enough that I already think it's made an impact on my art. See, I'm only doing monochrome copic markers (I'm not confident enough to do colour just yet). I'm pretty sure doing monochrome markers has helped me with my manga skills 😂. I have a better understanding of tones and values because of it! Isn't that kind of amazing? Come to think of it, it's linked to the next goals.

"I want to learn to paint."

"I want to learn to draw faster."

While I still have a long way to go, somehow my marker exercises have helped me with these too. The understanding of tones/values has made an impact on coloured work and painting as well. And because I'm doing shorter pieces, my speed has increased a tiny bit. I'm sure if I keep at it, I can continue to develop better habits!

"I want to draft more quickly and be smarter about it."

Now this goal is something I have just been trying to mentally direct myself to. It's working... a little bit. I still need to try harder.

See, I think my drafting process is really slow and inefficient. This results in me spending too much time drawing a comic because I've drafted like 5 extraneous pages. If I wanna increase my output and lower my workload, I have to learn to be more clever with how I compose each page. I think I got a tiny bit better. Need to work harder on that for sure (it's quite hard to just "learn" though...)

MOVING FORWARD:

With the past year in mind, how do I want 2023 to go? To be honest, I still feel so exhausted because of 2022, I definitely need some time to recover, so let's not go too crazy next year.

But before I create my next goals, I wanted to talk about where I want to go in general - the grand scheme of things. Like I mentioned, I feel a lot of disappointment, like I wasn't doing enough. Which is contradictory because I also feel like I did too much with how exhausted I am... But the source of that disappointment is really tied in with how I feel about my art skill on a technical level.

I'm nearing a whole decade of hobby artist experience. And I don't feel like my art shows it. While there are things that I am better at, there's so much that I struggle with.

I want to become better. I want to improve.

It's hard to explain but I feel like I'm not doing the best I can for the stories I want to tell if I don't keep pushing and learning. And I love what I make, so I want to do those stories justice.

So it's really important to me that I keep trying to improve.

In the long term, I think my dream is to be like a pro-manga artist. Please don't make fun of me LMFAO. But there's more to it. See, I don't actually want to be a pro artist. I never want to compromise my creative vision for the sake of pandering to an audience. I sincerely think I wouldn't be able to succeed without doing that so I'm content with drawing as a hobby. A programmer as my day job and a manga artist by night...

I want to be as skilled as a pro some day though.

To be honest, I think the distance is so great that it's basically impossible. So my true goal is a little lower than that.

My true long-term goal is to be... a little comparable to a pro.

And I don't think I'm at that point. And I don't want to use "being a hobbyist" as an excuse to allow myself to remain like this.

I think it's terrifying actually. Where I'm at with my art.

I'm really happy people enjoy it, and don't get me wrong - I love my own work. I love drawing. But I think it's important to be critical of it - if I want to be able to reach my goals.

I think if people read this far, they might be thinking something like "but you're already so good!" or something to that effect. But I don't think it's true.

I think it's terrifying because there's so much I'm not good at. Comics are scary because they're an amalgamation of so many different skillsets. I possess some of these skills but there's just so many different ways that I feel that I'm lacking.

For instance, my art itself has such stiff lines. I'm not great at perspective. My art isn't dynamic. And this is just a few examples of stuff related to my illustration skills.

But comics are more than that.

There's the individual panel compositions that come together to create a unifying page composition. The visual flow - controlling how the reader scans the page. The storytelling skills - pacing, dialogue, story beats. The dialogue writing skills. The typesetting.

I think there's so many places I'm weak with and it's scary because it's difficult to just pick something to improve at when it feels like everything is wrong at once. It's so easy for me to pick up some manga from a shelf, flick through and think "this artist does x better than me, how can I learn from them?" but learning is hard and I'm not good at it so I'm just stuck with this awareness that I could be better.

But at the end of the day, I just have to pick a direction and go, right? I think that's all I can do and that's okay. It's just hard to shake the feeling of drowning in my own mediocrity.

Sorry I didn't mean to bring down the mood of this art summary.

I promise that at the end of the day that I love drawing. This is just my overly-critical side shining through. I don't have too much natural talent, just a very stubborn mind. I kind of need to be critical so I can push myself in the right direction. And I'm fairly happy with the way I've been pushing myself through these past years.

I'm not particularly fussed if my works receive a lot of traction or not because what's most important to me is the way I see my own work. My personal satisfaction.

And that's just tied with doing the best I can!

So with that in mind...

GOALS FOR 2023:

"Improve at atmospheric lighting"

This isn't particularly ambitious because it's something I'm already working on, but I know I can push lighting even further. So expect to see me experimenting more and more!

"Participate in a paid online course"

Now this is linked to my wall of text just now. I feel very overwhelmed so I think having an unbiased and experienced teacher's guidance could be valuable. I'm eyeing ones that include personalised feedback. The only concern is that it's hard to find the time for things like this when I work full-time.

Also it's a bit scary having a professional roast me, but I think it'd be good for me.

"Continue to practise traditionally"

This is linked to all of my technical art gripes. I think continuing to do traditional art exercises will help me with a lot of my weak points.

"Continue to be ambitious with art"

I don't mean ambition on a work-load level, but I want to continue to push out of my comfort-zone. Keep trying those weird angles and backgrounds, be more experimental!

"Start planning that next story"

I always have a billion different story ideas in my back pocket that I am itching to tell. I also don't wanna die of overwork though. So lets keep the bar low.

I have many great ideas, so I want to start outlining the next one! This is just a vague goal to remind myself to keep thinking ahead.

"Rest up."

I think this is the most important goal. Like I said I feel completely and utterly exhausted this year.

So I want Myon in 2023 to have more time for herself. Improve her health, catch up with her relationships, spend more time watching movies and playing video games.

Don't work too hard next year.

EXTRA REFLECTION:

I seriously don't know if anyone actually reads these reflections. I wonder what kind of person I come off across... (probably a try-hard 😂)

I wanted to talk about one more thing. It's not really linked to goals, just the future in general.

So I've been drawing for Nijigasaki for 2 years now. I think a lot of people are moving on from it though.

To be honest, I think that's okay. I'm kind of used to the people around me shifting into new interests. I think I'll still be with Niji for a long time to come. I just have a lot of large scale ideas and will probably stick with them unless something sweeps me off my feet.

I mean, even if my ideas take too long to actualise while I'm interested in Niji, I'm also open to converting things into original content. There are just so many stories to tell...

It makes me wonder why my readers enjoy my work and how they interact with it? Are people a fan of me? The ship/characters/fandom? Or the stories?

Probably some mix of the above. It's not terribly important why though.

I'm sorry that I'm not very good at keeping up with everyone's interests. I think the world moves too quickly and I draw too slow and I can barely keep up. But I'm a bit too stubborn with my own desires so I keep working on my own things without another thought. So maybe that apology is a bit empty eheh

But I hope people will continue to enjoy the stories that I make.

I should be less harsh on myself though. 9 years of art isn't something to just shrug off.

Anyways, before I keep rambling. Happy new year everyone. Let's keep working hard in 2023!

#ive been using the same art summary template for the last 9 years #it doesnt even have the year displayed in the image but im committing anyways LMAO #art summary #i drew setsupomu for an entire year #i talk a lot in the readmore; no pressure to read it though #it's more for me than for anyone else #also its 3k

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kyouxa · 4 years ago

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Diabolik lovers Chaos Lineage: Shin Tsukinami (Story 11+CG)

In terms of the gameplay: The black choices lead up to a bad ending, the white choices lead up to a good ending. Please no reposting onto other sites, ask me before translating this into another language too! If you enjoy these translations, please consider supporting me on ko-fi.

Monologue

We sneaked into Violet’s mansion, aiming for the chance that Carla-san and his members had gone out.

In the end, we were discovered by none other than Carla-san himself though.

Thanks to Shin-kun’s quick wittedness, we managed to successfully get away behind his back.

However, Shin-kun has injured himself during that time.

Shin-kun said that it’s not a big deal for him and that there’s no need for me to worry, yet I can’t help but be concerned about his current condition.

Place: Outside — Forest

Yui: (It seems that Carla-san hasn’t been chasing after us for a long time since that happened)

(I wonder, Kino-kun hasn’t come back either, since he’s scouting around the area. But is it really okay for me not to worry about him as well?)

(Thanks to that though, we’re able to rest by an open-air fire in the forest all by ourselves)

Looks as if Kino-kun’s not coming back from scouting any time soon, don’t you think?

Shin: He said he’d be looking around each of the three mansions, so it might really take some time after all, right?

Yui: True...

Shin: ...Kch

Yui: ...Nn! Shin-kun, does your injured leg hurt a lot?

(It must’ve happened when he kicked the chandelier. So he said he was fine, but at the end he isn’t)

Shin: It’s nothing too trivial, seriously.

Yui: But you’re still bleeding… at least let me bind something around it for the sake of stopping it.

*Yui rips clothes*

Shin: Wait! What are you doing without warning!?

Yui: I’m tearing my clothes in order to make a bandage for you. It’ll be fine, it’s just the inner fabric so you can’t tell from the outside that I tore it.

Anyway, now I can finally stop the bleeding.

Shin: Hah… you’re really something...

Yui: ...Hm, Shin-kun. Show me your injured foot.

*Shin shows his foot*

Shin: ...Nn…

Yui: It might hurt a little, but please be patient about it. If I don’t tie it strongly enough, the bleeding won’t stop after all.

Shin: ...Ngh

Yui: Ah, I’m sorry… ! This might’ve been a bit too strong.

Shin: No, it’s fine like this… thank you.

Yui: For the time being, let’s rest now. It would be bad if the wound stretched itself even more dreadfully.

Shin: …..

Yui: (Why’s he so quiet… ? He’s looking at me pretty firmly…)

Shin-kun? What’s wrong? Don’t tell me… ! Did it open one of your weak points even more… !?

Shin: No, that’s not it.

Yui: ….. ?

Yui: ...Eh! Hey, Shin-kun!?

(W-What’s he doing... ? He suddenly hugged me)

Shin: If you want to take care of it… I’d appreciate your blood.

Yui: ...Nn.

(Could it be… that he’s behaving like a spoiled child again? I’m pretty sure he’s acting like this because of him being mentally tired of his injury and worrying about Carla-san)

Shin: That guy isn’t around right now anyway, so it’s okay to stay like this for a while, right?

Yui: (It’s rare for Shin-kun to ask me directly like this, so let’s maybe spoil him right here)

Okay… sure.

Shin: Nn, thanks.

I’m somehow really worn-out today. I just want to touch you even more.

Yui: You can hold me until you’re satisfied, Shin-kun.

Shin: Ah… it feels so good to hold you in my arms like this...

Yui: Shin-kun…

Shin: When I embrace you as closely as I do right now, I always feel so calm. Almost as if you’re exceptionally good at this.

Yui: Heh, you think so? I don’t know about that myself.

Shin: You’ll see what I mean eventually. For now, I’m glad I’m the only one to know. Besides, if I teased you about it, I’d surely provoke an interesting reaction out of you.

Yui: ...Nn! Eh, Shin-kun, where are you touching!? Stop it, it’s tickling me.

Shin: Kuku, I knew it. I can see your body move alongside where I traced the side of your torso nicely, isn’t that right?

Yui: Ah, that’s natural! Anyone who’d touch someone else there would react with it being ticklish and stuff!

Shin: No, you’re the only one who’s as sensitive as that. I already smell the sweet blood coming from your skin just from that.

Haa… seriously, you need to put an end to that. Otherwise I might end up unintentionally getting all crazy about it.

Say… could I suck some if it’s okay? It’ll be useless even if you do end up saying “no”.

Yui: Fine… but only take as much as necessary, okay… ?

♡Roses♡

Shin’s mouth: This really is the best! It’s such a pain to resist and forcibly hold myself back, but it feels so good to get a proper look at your face while sucking now.

Shin’s arm: When it’s just the two of us, without our companion making fun of us, I can finally stop feeling irritated in our relationship.

Shin: Kuku. I don’t hate it when you’re being as obedient as that. Nn… Mm… Nn… !

Yui: Nn… !

Shin: ...Haa… Nn… Mm...

Yui: Shin… kun… Nn, does it feel good… ?

Shin: Haa… yes… it’s still as good as always. Your blood really is the best after all.

The more excited you get about it, the sweeter and richer your blood becomes as well. Nn… Mm… Mm...

Yui: Ah… Nn...

Shin: See, your voice is giving off nice hints too. Why not let me hear how much you’re really feeling it? Mm...

Yui: Ah… !

Shin: Mm… Haa… you really got a dreamy face on. Seems as if you really do love my fangs a lot, right?

Yui: T-That’s not even… true...

(But… I don’t have any power anymore either...)

Kino: Hm?

Yui: Kyaaa!!

Shin: Tch… obviously you had to come in at the best point.

Kino: How annoying. You two let others work their ass off while you were doing what exactly if I might ask?

Yui: N-N-N-Nothing! W-Welcome back, Kino-kun! We were really worried about you and almost got tired of waiting.

Kino: It didn’t seem like nothing happened though. Your face is all red, but what’s the matter? Your eyes are moist and your breath is rising as well, am I right?

Yui: (Uhh… by the way Kino-kun’s talking�� he must’ve surely seen us. I’m so very embarrassed and I want to hide so badly…)

Kino: You don’t have to hide yourself now. You’re not the most honest person, hm?

Tell me, are you two in a relationship with another?

Yui: (Kino-kun is definitely enjoying himself right now…)

Choices

1) We’re nothing (black)

2) It’s a secret (white)♡ ♡ ♡

— We’re nothing

Yui: We’re nothing at all, really… ! All I did was check whether or not his injury needs internal medicine...

Kino: What was that? That excuse must’ve been painful to handle.

Don’t you realize that the more you deny it, the more suspicious you get?

Yui: Uhh…

Shin: Haa, the secrets out. You’re seriously one of the worst people when it comes to lying to others.

Yui: S-Sorry…

Shin: Doesn’t matter. We don’t have to necessarily hide our relationship from him anymore now.

— It’s a secret♡

Yui: I-It’s a secret between Shin-kun and I, only the both of us… !

Kino: Eh, why? You’re being unfair. Why am I the only one in the group not involved… ?

Yui: Um…

Shin: Yui, it’s fine. We should probably tell this guy sooner or later anyway.

end Choices

Shin: Kino, I’ll tell you now since it’s the perfect opportunity, so listen. This woman belongs to none other than myself.

It’s best to be clear here for the sake of you not trying any childish pranks or even worse trying to make a move on her.

Kino: ’Kay, not that I bother. I only want to know more about the detailed beginning of your love and such.

Shin: Hah? Who are you to ask me if I could inform you about how we worked out together?

Kino: Aight, let’s go back to that abandoned house now. It looks like they haven’t found it yet, so it’s safer there than being here.

To be honest, I can’t tell if a member of any family is pursuing me or us as we talk right now either. But we should move as soon as possible.

Yui: (Pursuers, hm…)

Shin: You’re probably right. Every mansion has their own trollers unexpectedly turn up. I’m sure they’re looking for us with a bloody eye.

Yui: (Carla-san and Ruki-kun are looking for us… just thinking about it makes me feel scared)

Shin: Yui, what’s with the face you’re making? Are you okay?

Yui: Y-Yes, I’m fine.

But to be honest, I have to admit that I do get scared thinking of how everyone is chasing and looking after us.

Actually, it’s kind of different… I just want to find a way to get everything back to when it all was normal.

Shin: ...Geez. You’re being scared and just exaggerating everything again. Well, it’s not unreasonable to feel scared though.

You’ll always be by my side in any case. So there’s no need to worry. I’ll always protect you no matter what.

Yui: Yes, that’s true. Shin-kun will always be there with me. Thank you!

Kino: C’mon, hurry up, both of you.

Yui: (Technically there really is no reason for me to feel scared. After all, Shin-kun’s always next to me. I have to do my best for this as well!)

Place: Abandoned house — Inside

Yui: ...Zzz…

Shin: (She’s a really soundly sleeper…)

(I assume you’re tired from always worrying about me and dealing with this guy as well, isn’t that right?)

(It’s always the same tiresome thing with this guy. I have to be careful not to worry too much about him myself—)

Kino: Ahh~, she’s an extreme sound sleeper. I wonder if the strategy was too much for a girl like her?

Shin: Shouldn’t you rather say that this is the fault of your useless breaking into houses here and there? You’re the one continuously making us feel nervous.

Kino: Eh, am I? I’m just playing around a bit, that’s all.

Shin: It didn’t seem like you just “ordinarily” played around.

Kino: —Leaving that aside, don’t you think it’s slowly time for you to hear me out as well?

Shin: About what?

Kino: Al-righ-ty.

How far is your relationship with her? Don’t leave any details, tell me.

Shin: What? Why do you want to know? You know I already told you that I’m not telling you anything.

Kino: I thought you’re simply not telling me anything interesting about it as long as she’s awake.

And now you can technically say things that you usually can’t say, right? So, do you really like that girl?

Shin: ...Shut up! Why would I tell you something like that?

It shouldn’t matter to you if I like her or not. I don’t even understand what you mean anyway.

Kino: This doesn’t have anything to do with any “meaning”. I’m just interested in hearing those kinds of stories from others.

...Hey, I need you to tell me. I want to know what attracted or fascinated you in this woman whatsoever.

Shin: What? You got seriously all of the sudden for that?

Kino: As for this, I’ll be completely serious. When I see you two, I think you do look nice together.

Shin: Huh? Are you feeling sick? You’re acting sort of weird.

Kino: “I’m acting weird”, he said. That’s really mean, y’know?

At the very beginning, I just wanted to use you both for my own benefits.

Shin: ...Heh, is that so? We already knew you must’ve had some ulterior motive.

Kino: But that’s not the case anymore now, y’know? You wouldn’t have suddenly put your trust into me after all.

Shin: Well, more or less. I was only wondering if you really could be of any use for us anyway.

Kino: And even though both of us suspected each other, we somehow joined hands. But—

I didn’t think it would be as much fun as it is when we three are together like this, which makes this game kind of enjoyable for the first time. Also—

You didn’t abandon me when I was at a clear disadvantage while being cornered by Carla from the Violet family.

That made me really happy. I really felt that way.

Shin: …..

Kino: That’s why I want to understand. Until now I didn’t think I needed that feeling, but welp, it’s not that I hate it.

So is that what it means to cooperate with friends? I don’t know yet.

Shin: ...I guess.

Kino: …..

Shin: …..

Kino: Hold on, why are you all quiet now? You’re making this awkward, man. At least say something.

Shin: Me too… I also think I just learned that recently.

Kino: Eh?

Shin: I’m a founder, and my ancestors were absolute in the past.

No-one was ever allowed to go against them. Moreover, those who didn’t obey them were beaten mercilessly.

Anybody and everybody was beating me. But there was a guy who surpassed him over me being injured.

Kino: You mean...

Shin: Yes, it was my brother.

No matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t ever surpass my brother and that’s why I’ll never become the founder’s king.

I was so annoyed and frustrated by that fact, yet I couldn’t ever admit or recognize that.

Because of that, I wasn’t able to see through my own stupidity and never showed actual respect to my elder brother.

Kino: ...Yeah, I get that feeling. Ever since the moment I was born, I never felt anything other than regret. I never knew what to do and cried a lot as well.

I only wanted for someone to recognize my existence. And just like that, I’ve been continuously searching for the meaning of my existence...

Shin: Kino… don’t tell me you—

*Kino stays silent*

Kino: ...I’m fine with it, wanna continue?

Shin: ...Well, even if I was trying my hardest, it felt as if nothing I did helped me bear the burdens on my shoulders.

But when I met this guy, I was actually able to face my problem properly. I finally understood something I wanted.

And thanks to realizing that, I actually noticed the greatness of my brother now. All that thanks to that one guy.

Kino: Hmm… So does that mean you understand it now? The fact that you can’t surpass your brother, I mean.

Shin: No, that’s not really what I tried to get across the table with what I said...

In other words, I became aware how narrowed my field of vision used to be.

Therefore I’m really worried about my brother.

Kino: Heh. I’m glad you understood whatever you’re confident about now.

Shin: Before we escaped the Violet mansion some time ago, I left a letter for him to read there.

I hope this might give him a chance of somehow restoring his memory. Even if it might not make any sense to him.

I really want him to regain his memory as quickly as possible again, but that’s all I can do for now. I don’t think I’d be up to do that task straight away anyway…

*Kino stays silent*

Kino: At least you're doing whatever you’re able to right now.

Shin: Yes, I guess you could say so.

Kino: …..

Shin: ……

Kino: ...Well, if you’re leaving it as it is, he has to come back to you someday, right? So don’t feel too depressed about it.

Shin: Wait, what happened to your attitude? You were serious just a second ago.

Kino: Because I’m pretty sure he’ll remember and then come back to you. If I believe in that, you’ll do too, right?

Shin: ...Nn!

Kino: So don’t think too much about it. Let’s take a rest for today in preparation for what’s gonna happen tomorrow. I’m going to sleep now, good night.

Shin: Eh?

Kino: Zz… Zz…

Shin: —And he’s asleep already.

The chance of him coming back, hm… ? I really hope he will.

(But I do feel a little bit lighter all of the sudden now)

(When we first joined hands with each other I thought he’d only be a pretty troublesome person…)

(And despite that, maybe Kino and I could get unexpectedly along with each other)

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duckprintspress · 4 years ago

Text

What is a Story?

When Duck Prints Press put out our call for applicants, we asked everyone to submit “a sample of their work (between 1,000 and 2,000 words)… [that] must function as a short story.” When we reviewed the 100+ samples we received, we noticed many areas where writers commonly struggled. Based on what we learned, we’ve planned a number of blog posts to discuss these challenging areas, and we’ve decided to tackle one of the most frequent issues first. Many otherwise strong submissions lost points on our rubric line regarding “plot and events,” and specifically, they scored a 1 or a 2 because “the story has no plot (for example, is a vignette).”

So, this begs the question, what is a story, and, of course, what isn’t a story?

(note that throughout this post, I use the word “narrative” to refer to any amount of text that may or may not be a story, and I use story only in a more narrow, specific sense.)

What is a story?

The answer is deceptively simple: a story is any narrative that has a plot. But...what is a plot? There are many ways to define a plot, but at its most basic, a plot has a beginning, a middle, and an end, and by the ending, something has changed. If, at the end of the story, nothing has changed, then it’s not a story. However, even if something has changed, it’s still not necessarily a story, because characters and time-frame also influence the definition. A narrative without at least one character is not a story. Likewise, a narrative time-frame, if it’s discussing events at a meta-level (“this happened, then this happened, then this happened”) may show that changes occur, but it’s still not a story - it’s an overview or an outline. The lines, of course, can be blurry - and where any given author, reader, or DPP reviewer draws the line between “this is a story” and “this isn’t a story” will vary.

How is a story communicated to the reader?

To function as a story, the narrative must include characters. Now, character doesn’t necessarily have to mean person, or even require sentience, but there must be some point of view being explored, and if the character is an animal or an inanimate object, writing it as a character will require a degree of anthropomorphizing. The key aspect is that the character has some form of agency - some ability to interact with and influence their surroundings. This character will have a point of view and a perspective that affects how they perceive the story’s setting, and by the end of the story this character should have either changed themselves, or changed their surroundings, or changed their relationships. The circumstances around this character must be different by the end of the story than they were at the beginning - or else it’s not a story.

What is change?

As part of the narrative, one or more characters in the story must engage in some form of activity that results in the world around them changing. Writing advice most oftenly calls this “conflict,” but honestly? I hate that word. The classic couching of “person vs. self, person vs. person, person vs. nature, person vs. society, person vs. fate” as the available types of conflict is tired. Defining the only kind of change as conflict and specifically describing it as “x versus y” is to automatically get a potential writer thinking in terms of antagonism. While antagonism is one available type of change, it’s not the only, and while many pieces of writing advice point out that these “versus” constructions don’t mean enmity by nature...why not simply choose a less confusing construction, one that doesn’t require addenda to explain the existence of narratives that clearly are stories but are less “versus” and more “and” - “person and self,” “person and person,” “person and nature,” “person and society,” “person and fate.” I’ve opted to use the word change, because one of the clearest ways to tell if a narrative is a story or not is to look at the nature of the character(s) are at the beginning, and look at the nature of them at the end, and say - what’s different? Maybe they’ve built something. Maybe they’ve reached a new understanding. Maybe they’ve conquered a challenge. Maybe they’ve altered their perspective. Maybe they’ve learned something. Maybe, they’ve changed the world, or maybe, they’ve just changed a light bulb - but something has changed.

Before some writing snob comes at me and says, “okay, fine, we dare you to come up with a plot that doesn’t fit into the classic five conflict types” ...of course we can’t. That model functions because all stories can be shoehorned into it, as long as very loose definition of “conflict” and “versus” are used. But because it’s described in oppositional terms, a lot of writers get distracted by that terminology and think there has to be, well, a conflict, in the narrow definition of the word. And that’s clearly absurd - many of our favorite fanfiction tropes, for example, are fluffy and comforting and soft precisely because they’re not about conflict, they’re about harmony. Yes, “enemies to lovers” is wonderful, but so is “friends to lovers.” Two people going on a date that ends with a marriage proposal is a story: they started out as a couple and ended engaged. Something has changed - their relationship status. But to call that “person versus person,” while perhaps technically correct, is ludicrous. Now, to keep it interesting, there might be some “person versus self” - “I’m not worthy of this love, omg do they really care for me, oh will society give us problems if we say yes?” which is how it can be shoehorned into the “conflict” model. But be it ever so soft, and their love ever so accepted, and their faith in each other ever so steady - if there really is no conflict, just those two people meeting up and having a nice night and ending in a proposal...it’s still a story. To say it’s not a story because there was no conflict, only an advancement of their relationship...yes, a story like that is borderline to being a vignette or “slice of life” narrative. Certainly, if there’s zero sources of tension, it may not be a very interesting story, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a story.

What else does a story need?

Honestly - not much. Don’t get us wrong - a story is stronger if it has a setting so that it doesn’t just take place in endless blankness. A story with multiple characters but no form of dialog (verbal or non-verbal) may be a little flat. A story where something changes but some of the introduced plot elements aren’t resolved will feel incomplete to a reader. A story without any negativity could be boring. Stories lacking these elements may not be good stories...or they could be amazing, and innovative, showing how a tale can be told without elements we usually consider essential! As long as something or someone has changed, and the story is told in a narrative, descriptive format that includes a character - it’s a story.

What isn’t a story?

Things that aren’t stories fall into two broad categories:

Narratives that have description, characters, dialogue, setting, and other story elements, but nothing changes. Examples of this are “slice of life” narratives and what, in fandom-parlance, would be called an episode coda or canon insert - a chunk of narrative deliberately meant to make a bridge between two established events but in which nothing can change because the surrounding events remain established. (A coda or insert might be a story, it varies.)

Narratives that are either entirely “show” (for example, a vignette) or entirely “tell” (for example, a synopsis), These can also be seen as relating to time - either there’s little or no passage of time (usually the case in vignettes) or far too much passage of time (usually the case in synopses). Narratives like this may or may not include a character, but even if they do, they’re still not stories. Why not? Because any story that is entirely “show” and involves minimal passage of time is unlikely to result in change, and instead will be an extended description of a moment. And any story that is entirely “tell” and depicts a large swath are overviews - there’s no element to actually grab a reader and no reason the reader should care about this dry relationship of events. That’s not a story - it’s a history textbook.

Drawing the lines between these categories can be difficult, and to some extent will come down to taste. Anyone who says there’s a hard-and-fast rule in writing is a liar. Just because a synopsis or a “slice of life” narrative isn’t usually a story doesn’t mean they will never be one. But, in general, if you’re looking at a piece of work and you’re trying to determine if it’s a story or not, there are some signs that will strongly suggest it’s not a story:

There are no characters.

There is no setting.

Nothing has changed between the beginning and ending of the narrative.

The entire narrative is an extended description of a single person/object/setting.

The entire narrative could easily be reworded into a sequence of, “thing one happened, then thing two happened, then thing three happened, then thing four happened.”

The narrative feels like a “pause,” or a “bridge” that takes place between two events that aren’t depicted in the narrative.

A central conflict or issue is introduced or described in details, but nothing is done to try to solve the issue.

Now, for the most important part of this discussion of what isn’t a story: writing something that isn’t a story isn’t a bad thing! Especially in fanfiction communities, we live for self-indulgent narratives that make us happy. We love to see those “moments between.” We live for a thought-out thousand-year history for some setting that didn’t originally have that much background. These kinds of narratives are fun to write, and especially when they’re part of an existing franchise, can be a delight to read. We are not saying that there is literally anything wrong with writing a narrative that isn’t a story.

That said, Duck Prints Press’s applicant call specifically asked authors to submit a writing sample that was a story, with the eventual goal of selecting authors to write short stories for an anthology. Which is to say: there’s nothing wrong at all with writing “slice of life” stories, codas, canon inserts, vignettes, or synopses - it’s simply not what we asked people to submit in this specific case, and we’ve come to see that a lot of people submitted non-stories without an apparent understanding of the difference, and we wanted to explain that difference.

But, to everyone reading this: write whatever brings you joy, in as much detail or vagueness as makes you happy, and share it with whoever you want. Just also understand, that for many types of narratives, if you’re asked “is that a story?” it’s not. That’s not to create a hierarchy - they’re all equal as art forms, they’re just not the same.

Okay I kinda understand this in theory but what do these differences actually look like in practice?

In long-form works, it’s usually relatively easy to recognize what is a story and what isn’t. Almost every novel ever published has a plot, and has things change, and is therefore a story. (though there are exceptions - Wikipedia lists a few longer vignettes and, when done thoughtfully, it can be astonishingly effective.) However, in shorter works, it can be difficult to tell the difference - and, as previously mentioned, the lines can blur.

In the interest of giving an idea of what the differences are, here are a few examples I quickly cooked up to try to show you all, since I’ve done a lot of “telling” so far (this blog post: also not a story, ha!) and very little demonstration. These are each around 150 words, to show that even in a tiny word count, any of these narrative structures is a viable choice. (Sorry these aren’t high literature - I just threw them together for this post, so I’d have something that suited.)

(read more)

A story - a narrative with a beginning, middle, and end, where something changes:

The door slammed open. Looking up from her embroidery, Victoria blinked as Margaret strode into the room.There was an air of expectancy that was inexplicable to Victoria; she grew more confused when Margaret approached and dropped to one knee.

“What are you doing?” Heart pounding, Victoria attempted self-restraint, but she couldn’t rein in her hope, because it almost looked like...it seemed like...but--

“Proposing,” announced Margaret, pulling a velvet-covered box from her pocket and opening to reveal an emerald set in a gold band.

“But you can’t!”

Margaret tilted her head to the side and frowned. “Why not?”

Objections occurred to Victoria, but examining them...she couldn’t think of a one that Margaret wouldn’t demolish with her usual brilliance. “You know what? You’re right. Who’s to stop us? And...I accept.”

And as Margaret slipped the ring onto Victoria’s finger, she knew: there could be no objection. Nothing had ever felt so right in her life.

“Slice of life” - a narrative with a beginning, middle, and end, where nothing changes:

“What a day!” said James, dropping onto the couch with an exhausted sigh.

“I know what you mean,” Tom agreed. He fumbled a hand across the cushion separating them, and James delighted in the simple comfort of threading their fingers together.

A beep, beep, beep sounded in the kitchen, announcing that the microwave had finished nuking their leftovers.

“You getting that?” asked Tom.

“It’s your turn!” James countered.

“But I don’t want to let go of your hand.” Tom gave his hand a squeeze, and a pleased glow suffused James’s chest.

It was Tom’s turn to retrieve their dinner.

But Tom was right - holding hands was wonderful.

“Let’s get it together,” James suggested.

Hesitating, Tom remained still as James sit up and gave a tug on their joined arms, then he broke into a smile and rose at James’s side.

“I love the way you think.”

“I love you, too, darling”

And together - always together - they got their dinner.

“Bridge” scene, episode coda, or canon insert-style fic - a narrative with a beginning, middle, and end, where nothing changes:

Arriving home after the battle, Sandy opened the rough-hewn door and shed her damaged armor. Her dented cuirass had left an aching bruise across her chest; she carried it to the smithy out back for repair in the morning. A gash on her thigh throbbed where an arrow had pierced the straps holding her greaves in places; she brought them to her leather-working station. Nicks and fissures marred her once-gleaming sword blade. All Sandy wanted was to collapse in bed, but resisted the pull of relaxation, because blood limned the damaged places red, and repair to the damaged weapon couldn’t wait. Taking a seat, placed her feet on the treadles that set her whet stone to spinning and set about polishing out every imperfection.

Yes, she was exhausted.

But her sword must be cleaned, and smoothed, and honed, and prepared.

Sandy must be prepared.

There would always be another battle to be fought.

Vignette, a narrative without a beginning, a middle, or an end, which may or may not have a character, and nothing changes and in which the emphasis is on showing, rather than telling (but, as in this example, a combination may be used):

The wind blew chill down the narrow mountain pass. All was silent, save for the rush of the breeze. All was still, save where gusts stirred the tall grasses and the branches of trees that reached, claw-like, toward the sky.

Once upon a time, a stream had carved this cut through the cliffs, forcing its way through soft chalk and hard shale, leaving jagged stones that emerged from the steep pass walls like teeth. The stream was long dry, now, only water-smoothed stones strewn across the ground to show where it had ever been.

Once upon a time, travellers had traversed the dried-up rill bed, pounding down the dirt, knocking the rocks aside, leaving scars where their fires burned. They’d lived, and laughed, and explored, and sought...and left, never to return.

Now, there was nothing: nothing but the storm.

And all was silent.

And all was still.

And the wind blew, chill, down the narrow mountain pass.

Synopsis, a narrative with a beginning, a middle and an end, which may or may not have characters, and where something changes, and in which the emphasis is on telling rather showing:

Emperor Xiang Zhen was born in 9884 to Dowager Empress Luo Zexi and the warlord Xiang Yijun. After his birth, there was a long period of strife. Those who supported Xiang Yijun’s claim to the throne battled those who still supported the Dowager Empress’s deceased husband Peng Zhenya. Eventually, the factions found common ground when Xiang Zhen came of age, and he was enthroned in 9902.

With his reign came peace and prosperity. The arts flourished. Scholarship advanced, and many great Dao masters arose, using cultivation to rid the land of evil’s left by the long war. Xiang Zhen longed to join a Night Hunt himself, but he was trapped by his political position. He didn’t dare risk the fragile stability in the Empire. If something happened to him, the results could be catastrophic. So he studied, and ruled, and adjudicated, and endowed, and endured.

Xiang Zhen did as he must.

But, oh...he wished he weren’t alone.

I know this is long, so we’ll leave this discussion at this point. Hopefully you found it helpful, and please do let me know if you have any questions! Duck Prints Press is always here to offer support to writers, and we love getting writing asks!

#duck prints press #writing advice #original content

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catie-does-things · 4 years ago

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Patterns in Given Names in the World of Avatar

Or, Naming Your Avatar OC’s: Beyond Baby Name Lists

Naming an original character in any fantasy setting can be a tricky business. Do you use a real name? Do you make one up? Either way, it has to sound like it fits into the established world - but you don’t want it to sound too similar to the names of canon characters, either. In this post, I will offer an analysis of canon names of major and minor characters in Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra, looking for discernible patterns in the names of each of the fictional cultures of that world, and offer some suggestions based on my own experience for how to choose or create names for original characters in that world.

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with using a “baby name list” for inspiration or even taking a real name from one of the cultures the show is based on and using it. But since the fictional cultures of the show are not complete carbon copies of real cultures, just picking a name from a list of Inuit or Japanese names won’t always give you one that actually fits in with the Avatar world. And maybe you’ve seen enough Water Tribe OC’s named Nanook (I’m guilty of this one myself) and want to get a little more creative. In that case, welcome to the advanced OC naming class.

And yes, there will be color coded spreadsheets.

Methods and Goals

To get a feel for what sort of names will sound like they fit into the world of Avatar, we of course have to look at the names of canon characters. For our purposes, I chose to exclude characters who only appear in spin-off material such as the comics or Kyoshi novels, and only look at the given names of characters from the two shows, Avatar: The Last Airbender and The Legend of Korra. I have sorted the characters by nation, as well as into cultural subdivisions where applicable. LoK characters from the United Republic of Nations have their own category, since in most cases we do not technically know the specific cultural origin of those characters’ names - though based on the patterns below and other context clues, we can make a reasonable guess for many of them. Characters whose names appear to be nicknames or pseudonyms (such as Longshot and Lightning Bolt Zolt) have also been left out.

The aim of this analysis is to look for phonetic and other patterns in the names of each cultural group within the world of Avatar. We will be looking at the names as spelled using the Latin alphabet, since this is how most fan fiction is written, and how the character names are given in official material, but keep in mind that within the world of the show, all nations use the Han Chinese writing system, so names or syllables spelled differently in the Latin alphabet might be represented by the same character in-universe, or vice versa.

Finally, my guidelines and suggestions for how to choose or create OC names are just that: guidelines and suggestions. These are not rules. It’s your OC, you do what you want.

Without further ado, let’s start looking at some names.

The Water Tribes.

We don’t have quite the sample size for Water Tribe characters that we’ll see for some of the other nations, but 28 names is still plenty to look at. Notably, we have far more male (18) than female (10) names, a pattern we will see repeated without exception. Draw your own conclusions.

Water Tribe names appear to mostly be two or three syllables long, with most of the one syllable names being from the Foggy Swamp Tribe. Hahn from the Northern Water Tribe is the only other one syllable name. Two syllable names are the most common with 19 names, which is about two-thirds of the total. Three syllable names account for 5 out of the total 28, or less than one fifth - still, this makes them more common than names of the same length in any other nation, and more common than one syllable names in the Water Tribes, especially if you exclude the Foggy Swamp. If you’re looking to use an authentic Inuit or other Arctic indigenous name for your Water Tribe OC, I would be wary of names longer than three syllables, though, as we have none of these in canon.

Consistent with Inuit names, we do have a lot of /k/ and /g/ sounds. The letters K and Q are pronounced the same in Water Tribe names, though in Inuit they represent different sounds. 18 out of the 28 names have at least one of these sounds, with /k/ being far more common than /g/ (17 vs. 2 names). Of course, having the letter K in your Water Tribe OC’s name is by no means necessary, and especially if you are creating a lot of Water Tribe characters, you probably want some variation.

The digraphic consonant sounds /ch/, /sh/, and /th/ are almost totally absent, with the exception of one name from the Foggy Swamp, Tho. The /r/ sound is also never found at the beginning of a name, and the /j/, /l/, /w/, and /f/ sounds are totally absent. The /v/ sound is absent from all given names, but notably appears in the surname Varrick not included above.

Regarding gender differences, both male and female names can end in -a, but this is much more common for female names, with 3 male names compared to 8 female names having this ending. Notably, this accounts for all but two of the female names, and all of the female names end in a vowel. Consonant endings appear to be exclusively masculine, with final /k/ sounds being common, whether spelled with K or Q (8 out of 18 male names), though masculine names can also end in vowel sounds.

There do not appear to be major differences between the Northern and Southern Water Tribe names, however the three names we have from the Foggy Swamp Tribe are definitely distinct - all one syllable, and all open syllables ending in vowels. These sound more like Earth Kingdom names, as we’ll see, which makes sense given the location of the Foggy Swamp.

To my knowledge, only handful of the Water Tribe names are authentic Inuit names, and they are all characters from LoK: Desna, Yakone, Noatak, Unalaq, and Tonraq, or 5 out of the 28 total names. Yue is an authentic name, but a Chinese one. The main Water Tribe characters such as Katara, Sokka, and Korra all have invented names. So yes, you can pick from an Inuit baby names list (and Nanook does fit the patterns we see above), but you are by no means limited to this.

The Earth Kingdom

Since the Earth Kingdom is the largest of the nations, it makes sense that we have the most names to look at here, with 79 names total, including 56 male names and 23 female names. I’ve included Jet with a question mark, because he may be using a pseudonym like the rest of the Freedom Fighters do, but his name is also plausible as the one his parents gave him. Macmu-Ling, the name of the haiku master in Ba Sing Se, may also be a surname, but this is unclear given the limited information on the character.

One syllable names are much more common in the Earth Kingdom, accounting for 30 out of 56 male names and 10 out of 23 female names. This is roughly half of all Earth Kingdom names, or 40 out of 79. Two syllable names account for 34 out of the 79, or about 43%, with three syllable names being rare overall, just 5 names or 6%. Overall, Earth Kingdom names tend to be shorter, which is consistent with a basis in Chinese, Korean, or Vietnamese names.

Unlike with Water Tribe names, there do not appear to be specific sounds that stand out as distinctively Earth Kingdom. Notably, nearly all names begin with consonants, with only 6 names beginning with a vowel, and always A or O. All of the consonant sounds found in English are represented in at least one name. The /ch/, /sh/, and /th/ digraphic sounds are all present, though not abundantly common. The Earth Kingdom being large and diverse, this greater diversity in names also makes sense.

There is evidence of unisex names in the Earth Kingdom. Wu is used by both a male and female character (Prince Wu and Aunt Wu), and the name Song which is listed as female above we will see again as the name of a male earthbender in Republic City. Other names could also be unisex, but as most are only used by one character, we have no way to know. The only noticeable gendered pattern seems to be that several female characters have English names, which I separated into the fifth column above. This seems to be exclusive or near-exclusive to Earth Kingdom women. Jet could also be interpreted as an English name, but as previously mentioned, this is possibly a pseudonym anyway.

The few named characters we have from Kyoshi Island all have authentic Japanese names, or at least names taken from the Japanese language - oyaji is an affectionate term meaning “old man” or “father”. Kyoshi is distinct from the rest of the Earth Kingdom in many other ways, including a history of isolationism which Japan also has. As for the sandbenders, we only have two names, but Ghashiun stands out as rather distinct in its spelling. Visually, the sandbenders resemble the Tuareg people of the Sahara region, so that might be the direction you want to go if you’re looking for authentic names to use for your sandbender OC’s.

The curious name Macmu-Ling is based on the surname of the writer for the episode she appeared in, Lauren MacMullan.

Fire Nation

We have 13 female names and 33 male names, for a total of 46 known Fire Nation names.

Two syllable names are most common, with 20 male and 6 female names, accounting for 26 out of the total 46, which is more than half. 15 names have one syllable, which is about one third of the total. Only 5 names have three syllables, or just one tenth, and once again there are no names longer than that.

The letter Z stands out as appearing in 8 names, while it’s much more rare in the other nations - though notably the Z in Zhao is pronounced differently than in the other names. Also worth noting is that all the names with Z other than Zhao - that is, all the names where Z is pronounced as it would be in English - are names of members of the royal family, with the exception of Kuzon. The digraphic sounds /ch/ and /sh/ are both present, but /th/ is not. Other absent sounds include /v/ and /w/.

The Fire Nation gives us our only example of gendered variants on the same name with Azulon and Azula. This implies that the -a ending is generally feminine, though we only have two female names that use it. Ilah ends with the same sound, albeit spelled with a silent H. There is also one masculine name, Yon Rha, that ends in -a, though with a different pronunciation (/ah/ vs. /uh/). The -on ending may also be masculine or generally masculine, but again, only two names use it. Female names are also more likely to end in the /ee/ sound, whether spelled -i or -ee, with 6 of the 13 female names ending this way. Only two male names end with this sound, and one of them, Li, is unisex.

In terms of basis in real world cultures, the Fire Nation often gets heavily identified with Japan in fanon, because they are an island nation with a history of imperialism, but what we see in canon is much more of a blend of Asian cultures, like the other nations. Some names, like Izumi and Roku are Japanese in origin, but some are also Chinese or Chinese-based such as Chan and Lu Ten. And as with the Water Tribes, the main characters like Zuko, Azula, Iroh, and Ozai, tend to have invented names. (Zuko especially would be odd as a Japanese name, since the -ko suffix in Japanese is feminine.) The name Ursa, curiously, is Latin - the feminine form of the word for “bear”. So while you certainly can use Japanese names for your Fire Nation OC’s, as with Inuit names in the Water Tribe, you’re not limited to that by any means. In fact, based on what we see in canon, I would say that if you’re creating several Fire Nation OC’s, you should have about an even mix of Japanese, Chinese, and invented names.

Air Nomads

With only 13 names, of which 9 are male and 4 are female, this is the smallest sample we have for any of the nations - understandably, since the Air Nomads are all but extinct for most of both shows. We’re even technically assuming that all of Tenzin’s children have Air Nomad names, but this is probably a safe assumption.

Two syllable names are still most common, with 9 of the 13, or about three fourths of the total. There are three names with three syllables, or a little less than one fourth. Aang has the only one syllable name.

With so few names, it’s hard to draw firm conclusions about phonetic patterns. The -a ending is seen on one name for each gender, as is the -i ending, and the -o ending appears on two male names and one female name. The -u ending only appears on one male name, but given the small sample size this doesn’t necessarily indicate a female Air Nomad name couldn’t have the same ending.

We do have clear and distinct real world basis for several Air Nomad names. Tenzin and Gyatso are both taken from the religious name of the current Dalai Lama. Rohan is an Indian name, and Laghima is a Hindu term for the spiritual power of becoming weightless. (Coincidentally, Rohan is also a French surname, but it was presumably the Indian name that the show meant to reference.) Pasang is a Nepali name, though a female one as far as I can tell, whereas it is used for a male Air Nomad. Tibetan, Nepalese, and Sanskrit names would thus all be good places to look for inspiration for your Air Nomad OC’s - though again, don’t feel limited to that. Chinese inspired names would also fit in, and Aang, like all the main characters, has an invented name.

United Republic of Nations

This group of character names, all from The Legend of Korra obviously, has to be considered differently. While we can make educated guesses as to the fictional ethnicity of most of these names, the fact is that many of these characters may be of mixed heritage and we can’t say for sure what the origins of their names are. In the chart below, I have color coded the names according to my best guess for nation of origin, rather than by gender. Names left in white, in my opinion, could be either Earth Kingdom or Fire Nation, and nothing about those characters gives us further clues.

With 31 names, we do have a decent sample size. Presumably Mako is a Fire Nation name and Bolin is Earth Kingdom, and based on the sound they do seem to fit in with those nations respectively. Raiko has a question mark because it is unclear if this is a given name or surname, but it does seem to follow the Zuko and Mako pattern and thus be most likely Fire Nation in origin. We also have the name Yasuko, for a character who is supposed to be of Fire Nation descent, using the -ko suffix on a feminine name.

Ginger and Buttercup I have designated as most likely Earth Kingdom because they are English names, and as we previously saw, only Earth Kingdom women seem to have names of this variety. Pema is presumably of at least partial Earth Kingdom descent based on her green eyes - this is also a real Bhutanese name. Characters like Lu, Gang, Daw, and Chung are all shown wearing green, and have one syllable names of the kind which are most common in the Earth Kingdom.

Hasook has a very distinctively Water Tribe name, and is of course a waterbender. Tahno and Ming-Hua are both waterbenders as well, though their names are less distinctively Water Tribe. These could simply be less typical names from one of the two polar tribes, or they may have Foggy Swamp Tribe heritage. (I believe this was a popular headcanon for Tahno, at least.) The possibility also exists that they have mixed heritage and may have Earth Kingdom or even Fire Nation names in spite of being waterbenders.

Conclusion

Like everything else in the world of Avatar, the names of the characters are inspired by and based on many real world cultures, primarily Asian, but no one fictional nation in the Avatar world corresponds exactly to a real world culture. When we look for or create names for original characters in this world, we want to respect the real world basis of these fictional cultures, but simply picking a Chinese, Japanese, or Inuit name from a list may not always jive with what we see in canon, in addition to running the risk of being a bit stereotypical.

With the canon patterns outlined above, fan fiction writers and fan artists should feel free to expand their search for names to other Asian, Arctic, or North African cultures, such as Thai, Burmese, Nepalese, Yupik, Aleut, or Berber names. Baby name lists can be helpful, but are often dubiously reliable, especially for non-Western cultures. Personally, when I want to give an OC an authentic name, I prefer to use Wikipedia to find real people from the culture or cultures I’m drawing on. I’ve joked about my own tendency to pick names of Japanese, Chinese, and Korean saints for my fan fiction, but searching for Wikipedia lists or categories of artists, philosophers, or scientists from a given culture can also be useful.

Wherever one chooses to look, name lists are best treated as a starting place - a name from a given real culture won’t necessarily fit into a given Avatar culture, and a name from a certain Avatar culture does not have to come from any particular real world culture. Fans should also feel free to invent names of their own, as the creators of Avatar did. Of the 20 major OC’s in my story Fate Deferred, half of them have real names or variations on real names, and the other half are invented.

And if you want to have a female Earth Kingdom OC named something like Jasmine or Crystal - these are also perfectly in line with canon.

#avatar the last airbender #legend of korra #atla #atla meta #fan fiction #catie writes things #y'all wanted it now here it is

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razorblade180 · 4 years ago

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Interdimensional Moms: part 1

Intro <-

Yang:So how we doin this? Drawing straws or... well we actually don’t have straws here so-

Weiss:It’s obvious that you wanna go first.

Blake:Extremely obvious.

Ruby:All over your face.

Yang:Hey now, don’t call me out like that! We all have so much to sort out here. I don’t even know where to begin. Differences could start and stop anywhere for all we really know.

Blake:From what it seems, Beacon itself would have one or two minor changes, but the real changes start after the fall. At least, for you three that is.

Weiss:You saying you’re different?

Blake:Unless you three started going on dates with Jaune at Beacon, then yes, I’m different.

RWY:(They’ve been together that long!?)

Yang:Okay, starting from Beacon...nothing really stands out too much. Jaune and I were just friends. *cringes* Back then, a certain faunus caught my eye.

Blake:Ah...right. I guess that tracks in practically every universe.

RW:Oh yeah it does. You two are joined at the hip.

Yang:Haha, really? Glad to hear it. My Blake and I are best buds! Remnant has never seen such a dynamic duo! Can’t say it didn’t take a lot of time effort after a rough patch. We actually dated in my world.

Blake:Same.

Yang:What!? How long?

Blake:I don’t know, it was pretty on again off again.

Yang:Well for me it was after Haven. Both of us had gotten pretty serious. All the growing we’ve done together and apart had brought us closer. However, Adam unintentionally put a wedge between us. His attempt to change and the problems that came with it were-

Yang stopped midway and saw the confused faces of her otherworldly teammates. They were shocked, confused even. Especially Blake, who looked the most shocked of all.

Yang:Umm did I say something odd?

Blake:Adam, he...isn’t dead?

Yang:Oh, well I guess that’s the start of the major changes then. Blake and I fought Adam at Argus. Stabbed him through the chest and watched him fall down rocks into a river.

Ruby:That lines you with my world. Dude died that day. Like any normal person should.

Yang:Well Adam is anything but fucking normal. Man has the craziest luck. A young women, the winter maiden in fact, she saved his life. She’s not exactly normal either. The maiden, Jacquelyn, ended up sticking by him to see if she could change his ways. This naturally meant we’d run into them again. And that’s how things fell apart.

Blake:What do you mean?

Yang:You were fully committed to seeing if Adam could actually change. I wasn’t, so we constantly butted heads in any situation involving him. Then we would fight about things that had nothing to do with at all. Eventually, we broke it off. We remained on decent terms but I was pretty heartbroken about the disconnect. Enter our lovable blonde idiot. Jaune did everything in his power to cheer me up.

Weiss:Sounds like him. Always such a bleeding heart. That boy just can’t help himself. Let me guess, his kindness and concern made you feel all warm and fuzzy?

Yang:Hehe, guilty. It was more of his willingness to laugh at my puns. Jaune’s always been interesting to talk to. He tries to act cool and calm even though he’s terrible at it, then comes clean right after. Before I knew it I was telling him things I hadn’t talked about with people before. I could tell he looked at me like most guys do, but also genuinely wanted to listen to me. Talk about playing unfair; he got defenseless. Suddenly I was smiling again. Anytime with him was time well spent. Then one day, I kissed him.

Ruby:Happily ever after?

Yang:Not even close! Hahaha!

Weiss:Why do you sound proud?

Yang:It’s funny looking back at it to a certain degree. Gods, I was such a brat. More than a few fights are on me. Between Blake, Raven, and other experiences, my insecurities flared up in ugly ways over nothing. It even got us to break up too. I was officially done with dating. My Ruby was out in an uncomfortable position.

Ruby:I bet! I’d never want you two fighting. Especially in my world. Picking between the person I love and my sister!? I don’t know what will happen.

Yang:I kinda do. *sets up* You’d start dating Jaune because you’ve looked at him since Beacon. The two of you would confide in each other and share a special kind of love, but it would be bittersweet. All because your sister still pines for him and never met to make him leave, and Jaune never says it, but he hates how things fell apart. He’s faithful to you and would never do you wrong, a guy to truly cherish. So... you let him go. Watch him walk back to your sister like you asked, because my happiness was worth that much to you.

Ruby:....

Yang: In my world at least. Honestly it’s still the most amazing thing I’ve seen you do. We must’ve cried over that conversation for hours. I felt so guilty and you only smiled, hugging me tight. Jaune and I had a few more stumbles. Nothing serious though. Eventually we moved in together when the world was saved. You and Oscar got together officially which made me happy. Even made our weddings a competition of who’d make dad bawl his eyes out the most. You won by the way; Raven came back into our family and into dad’s arms. Last but not least I had a baby. Yujin Xiao Long, my fucking pride and joy from above.

Weiss:Wow, that’s a lot.

Blake:What am I doing? Did I marry Sun?

Yang:Yep. You and blondes Blake, I tell ya.

Weiss:Hold the phone! Who am I with!?

Yang:Pretty sure you’re technically single. Buuuut, Neo and your have gotten pretty friendly from what I managed to interrogate out of you.

Weiss:That’s, highly unexpected. For a number of reasons.

Yang:Better believe it. Besides Cinder, a few crazies, and Salem, a few people made something of themselves. Dying sucks after all.

Ruby:You have a dead Cinder?

WBY: You don’t?

Ruby:*crosses arms* Hmph, I’ll wait my turn. Yang, you said you’re the only mother from our team. If Blake and I have been married for quite some time then what, we don’t want kids?

The joyful sunshine from Yang slipped into grayer skies. Her smile faded and it increasingly got harder to look at this Ruby without thinking of her own.

Yang:Are you sure that’s something you wanna know? I’ll tell you, but I didn’t want to bring down the mood with the problems where I from.

Blake:Problems? How big of a problem.

Yang:The biggest we’ve faced. It’s...a lot.

Ruby:Well we’ve listened this far. *takes hand* Lay it on us.

Yang:Pfft, oh boy. So...umm...another secret war came up. One that caused us to leave our friends and family for over a decade.

Weiss:A decade!?

Blake:What gets worse after Salem!? Who tries anything after a grimm queen!?

Yang:So a majority of Remnant was still unaware of her, but a fight like that can only be kept under wraps so tightly. Plenty of people still learned fractions of the truth. A few of those people weren’t exactly nice guys. They idolized her efforts and became her followers that wanted to keep her will alive, starting with taking revenge on the people who defeated her. We were so unaware. So caught up in normalcy. They ambushed us, and I mean everyone. We...we didn’t come out unscathed. Ren was crippled badly. Weiss, you almost your brother. Jaune’s family got hit but thankfully lived. The real casualties were aimed to hurt Ruby.

Ruby:Oh, of course. S-So, either you’re about to say I had no time to start a family, or...

Yang:...

Yang:When I tell you the look you made when you learned what happened to Oscar, to Qrow... that’s the moment it felt like my little sister left forever. Till this day you don’t smile like you used to. Very recently, now that it’s finally over, you’ve started looking better, but those ten years were hell. We choose to go out and fight again, avoiding contact with family. I haven’t had a real opportunity to be in my daughters life.

Ruby:How old is she?

Yang:Sixteen soon. Left her when she was four so you know. *tearing up* I missed everything. Just about anyways. Ironically it was Raven and Adam that helped her through the years with Jaune and Dad. Eventually we came back and ooohh boy was Yujin not thrilled in the slightest. Hehehe. Her right hook is really strong. I only had about a week with her before things got complicated again. *wipes eyes* But it’s okay. We left on good term. Something I definitely don’t feel like I deserve.

Blake:I can’t believe a thing like that would be possible.

Yang:Cults are a huge problem in Remnant now. You’re definitely aware of that. You actually oversee a little group from the shadows to deal with them in secret. An idea you got from experience. Adam works for you and everything. Hate to admit, but he’s become the guy you wanted him to be. Even has a family. I’m grateful to him. He personally kept my girl safe.

Blake:To think I’d hear you say that. Now I know this isn’t my world.

Yang:Don’t get me wrong, I still will hit him if given the chance. My life hasn’t been charmed and sacrifices too great were happening way too many times but it finally has gotten to a point where everyone feels like we’re taking steps towards a better future.

Weiss:Moving forward?

Yang:Yes, I was trying to avoid the phrase but yes Weiss, we’re moving forward. Still... *looks at Ruby*....

Ruby:W-What?

Yang:It’s unreal seeing you like this. My Ruby has become so strong and endured but hasn’t really picked herself up completely. All her tragedy stemmed from the loss of Oscar and Qrow; her last talk with Oscar was fight about kids too. That’s the entire reason she went off alone in the first place. Looking at you I can’t help but question my own choices. If...I just let her stay with Jaune, then maybe-

Ruby:Nope.

Yang:Huh?

Ruby:Look, if I know anything about your world, then it’s gonna be me and I can tell you without a doubt your Ruby doesn’t blame or would consider her own happiness without you. She loved you enough to take the chance to find love again. You really think there’s anything you could’ve done differently at that point. That girl is as stubborn as they come! *smiles* So buck up cowgirl. You deserve it.

A sense of warmth came over Yang as she heard those words. This other Ruby smiled at her with the same love as her own; completely caring about Yang’s feeling before her own. Yang felt so...unburdened. She couldn’t help but cry a little, laughing softly as she did. Who would’ve thought love could transcend worlds? It was so vindicating, therapeutic even.

Yang:Ruby, you’re something else entirely, you know that?

Ruby:It’s my curse. All I ever wanted was normal knees but the world said “no, special eyes!”

Yang:Well I guess I should thank the world then?

Weiss:You said your Ruby is getting better? That’s good. Still, it must be pretty weird looking at Jaune. Can’t imagine how lonely it must feel losing a love twice.

Blake:It never numbs.

Yang:Geez you two, lighten up. We can’t all be depressed. Ruby also didn’t lose Jaune. Actually....there may or may not have been an interesting...arrangement for a brief period of time.

Ruby:Ehhh what?

Yang:Hehehe well, hahaha, ummmm a decade is a very long time without feeling any kind of pleasure in a bleak situation. And you know me, I have to share things with you all my life.

Ruby:OH MY GOD!!!

Blake:*grinning* Yooooo! You loaned out Jaune!?

Weiss:That’s....accurate; in a lot of ways.

Ruby:That’s so scandalous! How could you!?

Yang:I didn’t force it! I gave the option, you said no, then you changed your mind because things got real stressful. Like come on, a decade of death and loneliness.

Ruby:Sigh...yeah. I can see it. Still, it’s so filthy. He’s a married man. What, so I’d just look at you and say “Yang I’m gonna sleep with Jaune, don’t come in the room.”

Yang:....

Ruby:What?

Yang:....Nothing.

Ruby:Bullshit! What is it!?

Yang:*scratches head* Well, I was lonely too, and a week is only so long-

Weiss:Oh so it was a group thing!!?

Ruby:WHAT!?

Yang:Only sometimes!

Ruby:SOMETIMES!?

Blake:HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! THAT IS AMAZING!

Ruby:Why are you laughing!?

Blake:Because that’s just so extreme, and not, all at the same time. I could totally see that happening.

Weiss:Same. Dang, Jaune slept with sisters. That’s dangerously close to being like your dad.

Ruby:That’s different!

Blake:Is it though?

Yang:Eh, I don’t see the problem. We’re all grown and make choices. Plus I’m the one who guided you through awkward teenage changes. It not like we didn’t share a room for years.

Ruby:That doesn’t make it okay.

Yang:Eh debatable.

Ruby:*red* It isn’t though! How could I do something so bold!? So taboo!?

Weiss:It isn’t like you’re the one who did it. Just a version of you.

Ruby:Not better!

Yang:Awwww it’s okay Ruby. Let’s hug it out. Hehehe *opens arms*

Ruby:Don’t touch me!

Weiss and Blake laugh until their sides hurt as Ruby tries escaping the bear hug that terrorized her. Yang’s world found interesting for sure. Weiss finally decides to help Ruby out.

Weiss:Got a picture of Yujin?

Yang’s eyes lit up and pulled out her scroll. Her team huddled around her and collectively cooed like that parents they are at the sight of a blonde young girl with gorgeous blue eyes with a black combat school graduation cap and gown and a certificate proudly raised up high. If it wasn’t for those eyes and shoulders length hair, they might’ve mistaken her for Yang.

Yang:She’s going to Beacon early because she’s fucking awesome like her mom.

Ruby:I think you mean her aunt?

Yang:I know what I said.

Weiss:I bet she’s just as hardheaded.

Blake:What do you think your kid is up to right now?

Yang: Well...*smiles*

xxxx

The girl in question sat at a work bench with oil on her face and her hands busy tinkering with gauntlets. She looked over at blueprints in a journal. If they were right, then she was definitely doing something wrong. How her mother made something so complex was crazy!

Yujin:Come on Yujin. You can fix a car, making gauntlets into a sword that don’t break should be easy!

Footsteps came up from behind her and a plate stacked with sandwiches. She looked up and smiled at her dad that gave her a wink, then kissed her forehead.

Jaune:Haveing fun, you grease monkey.

Yujin:Jokes on you, I like monkeys. Just a few more attempts and I’ll have the coolest weapon in Remnant. That entrance exam is as good as aced.

Jaune:Not if you don’t have a landing strategy. Tomorrow we’re going on a trip.

Yujin:Does it happen to be near a cliff?

Jaune:Who can say? Rule one of being a huntsman, be prepared for everything.

He ruffled her hair and left, laughing evilly. Yujin could tell he’s been waiting for this day. She pulled out her scroll and searched through a collection of videos labeled “mom” and found a super early one. She hit play and watched her mother give a peace sign to the camera as trees increasingly got closer from below.

Yang:Beacon rules!!!! Wooohooo!

The camera flipped and focused on a familiar blonde flailing through the air like a doll in the distance.

Yang:Oof, hate to be that guy! Wait, that’s vomit boy! Hahah, hope he survives. He owes me shoes. Poor dude. I guess he needs more training in flirting and landing. Wait, eugh I think he barfed again! Hahaha!

Jaune:Stop watching that one!!!!

Yujin:Hahaha but it’s the best one. The ending is priceless.

Jaune: *walks back down*

Yang:Well if he survives this I guess I can off him at least I can offer him mints and company. Fake it to ya make Jaune. Between me and Ruby, at least you’ll look like a player. Heh, nah, I don’t think I can support a bunny onesie.

Yujin and Jaune:*grinning* And then she did! *high-fives* Arc charm, baby!

#rwby #rwby au #jaune arc #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #rwby dragonslayer #yujin xiao long #rwby lasting embers

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calwrites · 4 years ago

Text

The Halloween Party

Summary: Reader has lived across the hall from Penelope Garcia for a couple years and considers her to be one of her best friends. That’s the only reason she agreed to go to a Halloween match making party.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: none

Word Count: 2.2k

I wrote this very quickly so it’s not the best, but I couldn’t let Halloween go by without writing something for Reid.

——————

“I still can’t believe I let you talk me into this stupid match making thing,” you grumbled at the blonde currently on your couch.

Penelope Garcia smiled at you over her wine glass. “Well I wanted to go but only if my favorite neighbor did it too.”

“I’m the only neighbor you talk to,” you pointed out. Penelope stuck her tongue out at you and waved her empty glass in the air. You rolled your eyes, but refilled her glass anyway.

You and Penelope had lived in the same building for a few years. When you had seen the brightly dressed woman lugging boxes down the hall, you had offered to help her move everything in. She had intrigued you. You had passed each other in the hall a couple of times after that, but had never really talked until one evening when you heard a knock on your door.

It had puzzled you because you were still pretty new to the area so you didn’t have any friends who would be dropping by unexpectedly. Opening the door, you had found Penelope standing in the hall crying.

“I had a really bad day at work. I just really need someone to talk to,” she had said. You ushered her in and spent the night learning about Penelope’s job as a technical analyst for the BAU. Now whenever Penelope’s team got through with a tough case, she would come collapse on your couch while the two of you drank wine and decompressed.

“You’re also the one who told me to get out there and forget about Kevin,” Penelope countered.

“Yeah well I didn’t think you’d drag me along.”

“It’s not just you! I convinced some of my friends at the BAU to sign up too. Besides, I know you’re excited for the party. You already bought two dresses.” She pointed at the dresses still laying out on your kitchen table. You were trying to decide whether a black dress or white dress would be better for your costume.

“I’m always excited for a Halloween costume party. I just never thought I’d be one of those sad people who signs up for a matchmaking party.”

“Y/N, you are one of the smartest people I know. And I work for the FBI. I know a lot of smart people. The only reason you’re still single is because whenever you get time off from teaching you spend it trying to solve impossible math equations. And I thought you said your match sounded nice.”

You sighed. “Trying to solve an impossible math equation is arguably the most important part of my job. I think the university cares more about that than the courses I teach sometimes. I guess he does seem nice. He’s either very smart or he’s very good at using google to sound smart. Either way, when you look at the data, the likelihood of finding a long term partner through a survey is-“

Penelope groaned. “No! I get enough info dumping at work. Let’s just talk about the party. It’s next weekend and you’re buying clothes for it so I assume you and your partner decided on your costumes. What is it?”

When Penelope had invited you to a Halloween costume party, you had been quick to accept. She then told you that it was a matchmaking party where you had to fill out a survey and were then matched with another attendee. Pairs would have to decide on costumes and then find each other at the party. Until then, pairs wouldn’t know who the other person was. Definitely not your usual definition of fun.

“I’m not telling you,” you teased. Penelope gasped on faux anger before the two of you burst into laughter and decided on a movie to watch.

——————

You stared at your computer screen intently, willing the message to change.

I’ve been out of state for a work trip for the past few days. I didn’t mention it earlier because I was hoping that we would get back in plenty of time. It took a couple more days than we were anticipating though. We’re about to take off, so I’ll make it back in time for the party but I won’t have time to put out on my whole costume. I can just wear the cape or something if you don’t have any better suggestions. I’m looking forward to meeting you tonight.

You chewed your lip thoughtfully before an idea popped into your head. And you began typing back a response.

That’s a shame. I was looking forward to seeing your Masque of the Red Death costume. I have a new idea though. What character refused to wear a costume to a costume ball?

The response came back almost immediately.

And I was looking forward to seeing your Leonore costume. I’m sure that there are a number of characters who fit that description. Would you like a list?

You smiled and rolled your eyes.

It’s another gothic story. He’s throwing the fancy dress party, but he refuses to dress up. His new wife’s costume causes a bit of a stir. Enough clues?

The reply caused you to get up quickly to begin sorting out your new costume.

I’ll see you tonight, Mrs. de Winters.

A few hours later found you ready to leave. You were thankful that you still had the white dress you had previously purchased with the idea of using it for Leonore. You were even more thankful that you still had a wig from a few Halloween’s ago that worked for your costume. So now, with a white dress and curly dark hair, you were ready to leave.

“Ok I give up,” Penelope said when she opened her door. “What are you supposed to be?”

“I’m the narrator from Rebecca,” you told her. “It’s kind of a last minute costume. I’m glad your case wrapped up today. I would be bummed if I had to go without you.”

“Well it’s a good thing it didn’t come to that.” Penelope looped her arm through yours and pulled you down the hallway, the two of you laughing as you went.

——————

Thankfully the room wasn’t too loud when you and Penelope arrived. Jack-o-lanterns and bowls of candy sat on tables around the edge of the room, and bats and ghosts hung from the ceiling. You and Penelope made a circuit around the room, trying to find your matches.

“Maybe ours guys are running late,” Penelope suggested. The two of you had moved to a snack table while you surveyed the sea of costumes around you.

“Or they’re ditching us.” Penelope gave you a playful swat. You were saved from another attack by Penelope’s phone dinging.

“Oh! Some of my friends are here. Come meet them.” Before you could protest, Penelope was dragging you across the room. Two people stood against the wall talking, but broke into smiles and waved when they saw Penelope approaching.

“Y/N, this is Derek and Emily. Guys, this is my neighbor Y/N.”

You smiled and shook hands with the two FBI agents.

“So you’re the famous Y/N,” Derek grinned. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“Famous? If anyone is famous it’s Derek “chocolate thunder” Morgan. The way Penelope talks about you, I was imagining a superhero. She wasn’t wrong.”

“I like her,” Derek laughed.

Emily groaned. “He does not need a bigger ego.”

“Where’s Reid?” Penelope asked. “Don’t tell me he bailed.”

“He said he needed to stop by his apartment first. We came straight from the plane. And don’t worry, Hotch and JJ both assured us they would take pictures of the kids in their costumes.” Penelope squealed and clapped her hands excitedly.

You chatted with Penelope and her friends for a few more minutes before Penelope spotted a man wearing a matching costume to hers. She waved bye to your little group and rushed off to meet him, leaving you with the two FBI agents.

“Oh there’s Pretty Boy,” Derek cried.

“I was kind of expecting you to show up in an intricate costume. You love Halloween, Spencer,” Emily said.

You turned to find a handsome man approaching your group. He was wearing a nice suit and had a leather satchel slung over his shoulder.

“No time, unfortunately.” The man shrugged. “I just had to pick up some books from my apartment. Hi. I’m Dr. Spencer Reid. You must be Garcia’s friend.” He turned to you, but didn’t extend a hand. You realized that this must be the young genius Penelope mentioned from time to time.

“Y/N,” you replied. Spencer’s eyes took in your costume carefully. You tried not to shift uncomfortably.

“Are you planning on doing some reading tonight?” Derek asked.

“No. My date and I were discussing a volume of poetry that I have, so I wanted to bring it to show her.”

“What a ladies man,” Emily teased. “How’s she going to know it’s you though? You’re not wearing a costume.”

“Actually, I am.” Spencer smiled slightly at the confused looks on his friends’ faces. What he just said clicked for you suddenly.

“Maxim?” You asked before you could stop yourself.

Spencer blinked at you in surprise before smiling widely. “Mrs. de Winters?”

Emily and Derek looked between of you in slight confusion, but you and Spencer smiled at each other in delight. “We’ll leave you two to it,” Derek teased as he and Emily walked away.

“I’m glad that you’re a friend of Penelope’s and not a complete stranger,” you admitted. “I was a little worried I’d get stuck with some weirdo. Not that you sounded weird when we talked!”

“Well our first conversation was about the statistics of meeting a murderer when online dating. That’s a little weird.” The two of you laughed slightly.

“I’m a math professor, so I’m interested in anything statistics,” you admitted. “I’m kind of a nerd.”

“Same,” Spencer laughed. “You know these last minute costumes were a good idea.”

“I still want to see your Masque of the Red Death costume sometime.”

“Deal, but only if you tell me what you teach.”

You waved your hand. “Oh nothing exciting. Just some upper level math that nobody wants to take. The fun part of my job is trying to solve the Riemann hypothesis.”

“You’re trying to solve one of the Millennium Prize problems?” Spencer asked in surprise.

“I’m surprised you know about it.” Most people you talked to had no idea what the Millennium Prize problems were. You were sure they wondered why a university would tenure you just so you could keep trying to solve a math problem.

“I’ve looked over them before,” Spencer admitted shyly, like he was waiting for you to make fun of him.

“No luck?”

“Way beyond my level.” The two of you laughed slightly. A slower song began to play and couples danced slowly across the dance floor.

“Want to dance?” you suggested. Spencer hesitated and you worried for a second that you had overstepped, but then he smiled and held out his hand.

Neither one of you were very good dancers, but what you lacked in talent you made up for in smiles. You continued to discuss everything from mathematical theory to what working at the FBI was like to classic literature.

“Do you think this is how the Manderley fancy dress party would have gone if Mrs. Danvers hadn’t sabotaged the narrator?” you asked. “They could have been as happy as us dancing.”

Spencer thought for a moment. “I don’t think so. I don’t think they could have been truly happy together with all of the secrets still between them.”

“True,” you agreed. “So you think we’re happy?”

When Spencer smiled at you, your heart fluttered. “I’m pretty happy. This is going a lot better than I expected. Not that I didn’t think you sounded great when we talked online! But Derek said something about you sounding too good to be true, so I started to worry that you wouldn’t be as amazing in person, but I shouldn’t have. You’re even better in person.”

You smiled gently back at Spencer. “You’re better in person too.”

Spencer studied your face intently for a few seconds, a look of uncertainty on his face. “Can I kiss you?” he asked quickly, like he was afraid he would lose his nerve if he waited.

Your smile grew. “I’d like that,” you responded.

Spencer put one hand gently on your cheek, the other still resting on your waist, and brought his lips down to meet yours. When the two of you broke away, still smiling widely, you were totally oblivious to the looks of shock and delight on the FBI agents’ faces.

“I think we might have to do this again sometime, Mrs. de Winters.”

“I think so, Maxim.”

Without speaking, the two of you leaned in again, and you were able to capture Spencer’s lips once more. You didn’t think you’d get tired of this any time soon. If only you had taken Penelope up on her offer to set the two of you up last year.

#Spencer Reid #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds fic #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #calwrites

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zukkacore · 3 years ago

Note

danganronpa for the fandom ask thingy?

I just realized I meant to answer this earlier but it was late and then had work!

Anyway favs, I’m gonna try to stick to THH but I cheated ngl:

Blorbo (absolute fav): I really wanna say Taka bc he’s been my fav since I was in high school, I love him so much and will love him forever (a big part of the reason just being that I related to him a lot, I was like, high perfectionist and my feelings were always kinda hurt when ppl said they didn’t like him bc he was too sensitive or was a crybaby bc I I’ve always been a HUGE crybaby) but ngl the real estate in my head lately has been going a lot more to other characters like Sayaka and Mukuro. He’s still THEE character of all time tho.

Scrunkly (my baby): I wanna say Taka again but also Chihiro for sure? Chihiro’s just a sweetheart I love her

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/under-appreciated fav): probably Leon! A lot of ppl forget abt him since he’s a ch 1 death & u don’t rly get to know him but he’s great, actually! I used to rly write him off but I actually think he’s really interesting and nuanced! I get that bc the game doesn’t incentivize you to get to know him a lot of ppl just write him off as like oh he’s just like a womanizer and a loser (or lump him in with like—canonical dork ass loser full on CREEPS when he’s like, kinda just a regular ass guy?) but the way his character is actually a really compelling foil for Sayaka is really really interesting to me. Also, ppl are just, weird abt his trauma & im defensive abt him because of my own reasons & I’ll just leave it at that.

glup shitto (obscure fav): a lot of ppl would probably disagree on whether this even counts bc she gets more content later on. But Mukuro. Like, Mukuro FOR SURE, I love her so much. even the content we do get it’s relatively sparse in comparison to the others so when she shows up I get SO excited, I’ve been wanting real sprites of her not in disguise forever & it just never happens :((((. Also this technically doesn’t count bc it’s sdr2 but imposter, I love them sm….

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave): Haha depending on what this means probably either Hagakure or Sayaka. Sayaka is definitely more on the “problematic” side as opposed to pathetic. like I don’t think she is at least not any more than the rest of the characters but I do think ppl are like, weird abt her more than normal. She’s a mess but like. She’s my mess. Absolute beloved. But Hagakure is THEE poor little meow meow of all time I love him sm he’s so pathetic and offputting and in canon his personality does kinda suck but I love that he sucks, I can’t help it. He wants makoto’s organs and I’d let him have them. I just think he’s the funniest little guy ever. And ppl hate him for being useless and never contributing anything but I’m a Hagakure apologist so sucks to suck everyone who wishes he didn’t survive, if Hagakure sucks why does he keep winning lol

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason): probably Togami. I just love to put him Through It bc he sucks but he sucks in a way I find hilarious. I bully him but I mostly just bully him with love. Leon is another character too I tend to horse plinko the shit out of not necessarily for the same reason as Togami (aka thinking he deserves some lighthearted chirping from his classmates to build moral character and humble him a little), like Leon I don’t have a reason why I’m mean to him. There’s nothing wrong w him I just think it’s funny when he’s sad. I’m the number one fan of the LeoSaya high profile miserable celebrity couple to sad pathetic divorcees pipeline for them. I am championing sad divorcee Leon so hard, the inner Junko in me comes out so much when I think abt him bc I just think his quarter life crisis would have been so funny, I’m so disappointed Junko didn’t draw things out longer bc I think she could’ve gotten way more long term misery out of everyone if she’d kept them alive

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell): listen. I try to be nice abt him bc I rly don’t like that as a franchise DR is super weird abt how it characterizes fat ppl (like the only one who isn’t creepy is imposter & even then they make a lot of fat jokes abt them :///) & if asked I do think Teruteru is worse (even tho I like his design a lot) but. Hifumi is just. He just. Ugh. But this feels really extreme, I don’t hate him he’s just distasteful. My real more childish answer is Celeste tho, like I do like her but I’m also mean and petty and I mostly blame her for chapter 3 regarding Death Of A Fav, even tho it was a team effort lol. I’m petty. I know a lot of ppl like her, she’s cool she’s interesting but ch 3 is always what’s kept me from liking her. The Taka stan only recognizes her as the enemy I’m sorry. If I’m allowed to say characters from sdr2 then like. Saoinji or Teruteru tho. I swear I try to be measured and not too irrationally just vitriolic abt them esp saoinji bc like I get it, I get what she’s about but I can’t help myself she’s just so grating. Or the monokubs. Bc jfc.

#jan.ask

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mythicamagic · 4 years ago

Note

#29 i have a fetish this week, i guess lol.

29: a kiss on the inside of the wrist.

Wind whipped her hair back to thrash in the breeze, and Kagome tightened her coat around her. One of Miroku and Sango's twins inched a little too close to the edge, and the miko quickly snatched her up before she could fall.

"Careful," she smiled, tapping the cute munchkin's nose.

Hachi was generously giving them a lift to the former Demon Slayer's Village where Kohaku awaited them. It was thankfully faster than travelling on foot. Kagome couldn't help but stare wistfully at the passing scenery, mind cast adrift.

"Don't worry, Lady Kagome!" Miroku called from up front, "we're making good time."

"Hm?"

"You looked a little bored," he chuckled.

Kagome blushed and noticed Sango staring. "N-no! I was just wondering if the village would be alright without us," she lied, feeling terrible that her priorities were so missed up that she wasn't worried about them.

"Inuyasha is there to protect everyone, try to relax. This is meant to be a break," Sango smiled.

Nodding, she returned it, playing with their twin's feet and causing her to giggle.

After a few moments of being left alone to her thoughts however, Kagome naturally fell back into her musings. She began recalling that night. That fateful rainy night Sesshoumaru had extended an offer to her that would change the nature of their relationship forever.

----

Rain poured hard, pelting her shoulders like icy needles. Kagome shuddered miserably, arms curled tight around herself as she hurried towards a tree. Ducking down against the bark gave her mild relief, feeling only small droplets reach her from the position. She sighed heavily, breath fanning out visible.

In retrospect, navigating by night from the Bone Eater's Well towards the village hadn't been a wise decision without a torch. ‘I'd been in too much of a hurry to leave.’

Mindling soaked dark strands back from her damp forehead, Kagome blinked and squinted into the darkness. Something was flying through the rain filled skies. Faint green flames could be seen like flickering stars. They drew closer, a black square shape becoming visible.

Kagome wasn't sure what to make of it. The structure resembled an ancient Japanese court carriage, the shutters thick black lacquer to ensure privacy, lanterns hanging from the roof. Flowers patterned its side, carved into the wood in intricate, sprawling patterns and shining gold.

Instead of being pulled by a man or horse though, it was a demon drawn carriage. Small kappa-like demons ensured the carriage glided through the air smoothly. Kagome shivered. She could taste youki the air it seeped so thick and strong. Familiar...

The carriage hovered, lowering itself to muddy, rainsoaked ground. From the back, wooden blinds were turned and snapped up sharply, letting a thick haze of pipe smoke escape like a dusty exhale from a dragon.

Sesshoumaru gazed at her from within the carriage, endowed with more grandeur and finery than she'd ever seen him wear before. Usually his outfit comprised of refined beauty mixed with practicality and strength. Without battle armour, he looked softer. Lilac silks were patterned with his house crest. Earrings glittered upon pointed ears. An ornate pipe was held between deft fingers, and he took a drag, observing her with watchful curiosity.

"Are you going to stand there all night, miko?"

Kagome gaped and glanced around, wondering if Kaede had appeared or Kikyo had risen from the dead a fourth time. Surely he wasn't talking to her?

But sure enough, that flat, unimpressed gaze was mistakable. Kagome swallowed and hurried out from the shelter of the trees. Climbing up into the back entrance of the carriage, she found the space limited and swathed in furs. Cosy, but alarmingly close to Sesshoumaru. Their knees were almost touching as she sat opposite him. The blinds were snapped down over the exit before she could protest, her body swaying forward from momentum as the carriage ascended once more. Kagome quickly righted herself before she could land atop his lap.

Sesshoumaru observed her with mild amusement, tilting a regal chin up. "Is there a reason I find you by yourself?"

Kagome bristled and hugged her arms "I don't need Inuyasha to mind me like a child. I can do things on my own," she grumbled.

"Mn, so I have observed. You have often been alone lately, miko."

Her teeth ground, shivering violently. She jumped upon feeling plumes of lavish fur wrap around her shoulders. It practically drowned her in warmth. "T-thanks."

Busying himself with another languid drag, looking decadent yet exuding opulence, Sesshoumaru hummed. He seemed to be waiting for her to continue, so Kagome sighed and reluctantly elaborated.

"We broke up a few months ago. Things are still a little strained between us, is all. Why do you care?"

"I do not, this one is merely making conversation."

She frowned, gesturing to him. "Your turn. How come I find you cruising around Japan in this era's equivalent of a Porsche?"

"What is a Porsche?"

"It's a car."

"What is a-"

"We're getting off the subject," Kagome giggled, catching herself. Had she ever giggled around him before?

Sesshoumaru didn't seem to mind, now pouring himself some saké, "I am returning from a gathering of influential demons."

"Ohhh now I get it," her eyes danced. "You're drunk because of a party, that's why you're so amiable tonight. Makes sense."

Golden eyes immediately turned flat. They were relaxed and not as sharp as per the norm but awareness kept his pupils focused. "This is not my true form. I have not nearly consumed enough to become inebriated."

Kagome glanced him over, frowning when he offered her a cup of the clear liquid- ultimately shrugging and accepting it. Taking a tentative sip, she choked and coughed, blinking rapidly. "That tastes vile," the words came out as a squeak.

He sniffed primly, giving a haughty look and eyeing the cup. "...You are entirely correct. This is not good saké. Perhaps Lord Onozuka was attempting to poison me."

She nodded seriously. "My Grandpa's stuff is better- though at 18, it's technically illegal for me to have tried it. Don't tell anyone," a grin was working its way onto her mouth.

"Would not dream of it," his lips curved, honeyed gaze smiling. "Perhaps you are not as pure and innocent as first assumed, miko."

She abruptly lost her playful mood, glancing away with thin lips. Silence engulfed them, filling up with large consuming bursts of miserable scent as her emotions rolled turbulently. "...Surely...you can tell I'm not 'pure' anymore," Kagome mumbled. "Are you making fun of me?"

Sesshoumaru stared at her levelly, nostrils flaring. Winter lashes lowered slightly. "I could scent that you were no longer a virgin, but that has little to do with the purity of your soul, miko."

She sighed heavily, taking a sip of the alcohol and wincing. "It was wrong of me- n-not the sex part. I don't believe sex before marriage 'taints' someone or anything like that. It's just...I did it with someone I shouldn't have. My boyfriend..."

He arched a brow. "Is that not the term of a human male in a relationship?"

"Y-yeah, I'm not making sense, I know. Asahi was a rebound, we only dated a short time. That's the problem. I totally used him- and I feel terrible for it."

Violent shame twined with regret, tears pricking her eyes. She gripped the porcelain cup so hard it trembled in her hold. "Inuyasha moved on so quickly from our relationship. I-I thought there was something wrong with me, so I forced myself to date someone else. I'm lonely, sure, but that's no excuse. I wish I'd never done it- I should've just stayed far away from any relationship until I knew for sure I wasn't going to use the guy-"

Sesshoumaru's fingers wrapped around her hand, cutting her off mid-tirade. Her breath stalled, quelled by his calm gaze.

He huffed softly, claws lightly skimming sensitive skin. "First of all, foolish woman; did this Asahi boy seem dissatisfied or upset about being 'used?'"

"N-no...but he didn't get the full story."

"You do not owe him an explanation," Sesshoumaru rumbled, something tinging his voice. "He could not tell you were miserable, and knows nothing of your life here- furthermore would not understand. I see no reason to punish yourself thus for experiencing a moment of pleasure after months of distress."

She'd never heard him be so chatty before. Nonetheless, Kagome remained unconvinced, staring at her shoes miserably and attempting to lift the alcohol towards her lips- Sesshoumaru's grip preventing her.

Ever so slowly, in a way that turned her stomach inside out and sent a rush of heat shooting straight down to her core- Sesshoumaru lifted her occupied hand, brushing soft lips over the inside of her wrist.

"In light of this new information," he said quietly. "I feel something should be done to drastically alter your mindset on indulgence."

"W-what-" Kagome squeaked, swallowing and closing her eyes. When they slid open, the miko raised her chin, intrigue blooming like a fresh flower bud in her forget-me-not eyes. "What did you have in mind?" she breathed.

"I have a proposition for you."

#sesskag #effinsusie #Sesshoumaru x Kagome

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max1461 · 4 years ago

Text

Just read Scott Alexander’s post on “conflict theorists” vs. “mistake theorists” and, hmm. I have several thoughts. First, to summarize the concept for anyone who hasn’t seen it before: Alexander links to a reddit post by user u/no_bear_so_low, who originated the idea, saying

There is a way of carving up politics in which there are two basic political meta-theories, that is to say theories about why different political ideologies and political conflict exist. The first theory is that political disagreements exist because politics is complex and people make mistakes, if we all understood the evidence better, we’d agree on a great deal more. We’ll call this the mistake theory of politics. For the mistake theorist, politics is not a zero-sum game, but a matter of growing the pie so there is more for everyone. The second theory is that political disagreements reflect differences in interests which are largely irreconcilable. We’ll call this the conflict theory of politics. According to the conflict theory of politics, politics is full of zero-sum games.

u/no_bear_so_low claims that both the far left and far right are more amenable to conflict theory than liberals are, who lean more towards mistake theory. Alexander seems to agree, though in his own post he’s speaking mainly about Marxists in particular. He summarizes the concept as follows:

To massively oversimplify:

Mistake theorists treat politics as science, engineering, or medicine. The State is diseased. We’re all doctors, standing around arguing over the best diagnosis and cure. Some of us have good ideas, others have bad ideas that wouldn’t help, or that would cause too many side effects.

Conflict theorists treat politics as war. Different blocs with different interests are forever fighting to determine whether the State exists to enrich the Elites or to help the People.

In addition, Alexander subdivides the categories further into “hard” and “soft” versions:

Consider a further distinction between easy and hard mistake theorists. Easy mistake theorists think that all our problems come from very stupid people making very simple mistakes; dumb people deny the evidence about global warming; smart people don’t. Hard mistake theorists think that the questions involved are really complicated and require more evidence than we’ve been able to collect so far [...]

Maybe there’s a further distinction between easy and hard conflict theorists. Easy conflict theorists think that all our problems come from cartoon-villain caricatures wanting very evil things; bad people want to kill brown people and steal their oil, good people want world peace and tolerance. Hard conflict theorists think that our problems come from clashes between differing but comprehensible worldviews.

So what do I think about all this?

Well, it seems to me that this framework is (a) a fairly reasonable descriptive dichotomy, in the sense that, yes, a lot of people do genuinely seem to fall into one of these two camps, and (b) a horrible dichotomy on which to base any prescriptions about political meta-theory, in that these are both awful (and obviously wrong) ways to think about the world. Now, Alexander doesn’t explicitly give any such prescriptions, but he does describe SCC as “hard mistake theorist central”, and generally speaks of mistake theory in approving terms, while speaking of conflict theory in disapproving ones. I think this is bad.

At a base level, my problem with both these “theories” is that they’re, in some sense, just too optimistic.

I agree, for example, with the hard mistake theorist sentiment that the world is full of extremely challenging technical problems, that these problems can be the source of real human suffering, and that the only way to address these problems is through data collection and empirical analysis and hard technical work. And I agree that this will often produce unintuitive conclusions, that run against people’s gut sense of what the right policy might look like. I agree that the state is diseased. I do not agree that “[w]e’re all doctors, standing around arguing over the best diagnosis and cure.” People, it turns out, often do have genuinely different and irreconcilable values, and genuinely do envision different ideal worlds. In addition to that fairly mundane observation, there genuinely are a lot of bad actors, who are just in the game for their own benefit. The world is full of grifters, schemers, and petty (or not so petty) tyrants; on an empirical level that’s just not something you can deny.

On the other hand, I agree with the easy conflict theorist sentiment that, e.g., “bad people want to kill brown people and steal their oil.” There’s plenty of pretty immediate proof of that to be found if you look into the history of colonialism¹, or the slave trade, or US foreign election interference in the twentieth century. Actually, just so I’m not pissing anybody off by only mentioning “western” examples, I’ll include the Khmer Rouge and the Holodomor and comfort women and uh, you get the picture. For god’s sake, the Nazis really existed, and yeah, they really believed all that Nazi shit. In retrospect they may seem like implausibly evil cartoon villains, but in fact they were real flesh and blood humans, just like the rest of us. You think that was just a one-off?

And on a much more mundane note, sometimes (actually, very very often), ordinary people just have incompatible ethical axioms. Sometimes people have genuinely different values, and there are no rational means to sort out which value-set to choose. I suspect this is at least part of the reason for the rationalist community’s skew towards mistake theorizers, in that their favored intellectual tool has more-or-less nothing to offer when it comes to selecting your values (=ethical axioms, =terminal goals, etc). I mean, of course rationality is good for diagnosing contradictions in your value set, but it can’t tell you how to resolve those contradictions. That’s the domain of intuition, empathy, and aesthetics, were data cannot light your way.

However, I do not agree with the conflict theorists’ underlying sentiment that if “the good people” were just in charge, everything would be better. After all, there are all those pesky technical problems with unintuitive solutions getting in the way, requiring all kinds of expertise and thorough empirical study and uh, plenty of them might not even be solvable.² This is a huge deal. It’s incredibly easy to have the best of intentions and still make horrible mistakes by virtue of just... happening to have the facts wrong. Not through malice, or self-interest, or even some nicely-explainable sociological bias like white fragility or whatever. Just because problems are hard, and sometime you will fail to solve them. Even when people’s lives and livelihoods are at stake.

Here’s a handy latex-formatted table for your comprehending pleasure:

lol, we live there.

So this all sounds a bit pessimistic and, well, I suppose it is. I think we have a responsibility to acknowledge the gravity of our situation. We could, conceivably, live in a world that was structured according to either the conflict theorist’s vision or the mistake theorist’s vision, but we don’t. We live in a much scarier world, and if we don’t face that terrifying reality head-on, we’re not going to be able to overcome it.

Now, in general, I’d say I spend a lot of my internet-argument-energy-allowance trying to persuade [what I perceive to be] overly conflict-theorizing leftists in the direction of a greater recognition of the genuine technical difficulty of the problems we face. It's probably worth making a separate post about why I think a “denial of unintuitive solutions” is so common on the left, but I’ll just mention here that I think it relates to what I once jokingly called the “Humanistic gaze”. That is, the bias to view everything quite narrowly through the lens of the humanities, and to view all problems as fundamentally sociological in nature. When the world is constructed entirely by humans and human social relations, there’s a level at which nothing can be unintuitive. After all, an intersubjective world must ultimately be grounded in subjective experience, and subjective experience is literally made of intuition.

I usually don’t spend much time pursuing the dual activity (trying to argue liberals out of [what I perceive to be] an overly mistake-theorizing perspective). This is largely because, well, I think the optimistic assumption that mistake theorists make —that most people have basically compatible goals, and that relatively few people are working out of abject self-interest or hatred or whatever— is so obviously false that it doesn’t warrant as much genuine critique as it warrants responding with memes about US war crimes. The principal of charity is best extended to ideas, not people or institutions. You can take the neocons’ arguments seriously without extending charity to the neocons as agents.

The post concludes with Alexander writing

But overall I’m less sure of myself than before and think this deserves more treatment as a hard case that needs to be argued in more specific situations. Certainly “everyone in government is already a good person, and just has to be convinced of the right facts” is looking less plausible these days.

And uh, yeah. Indeed.

So, in conclusion: is politics medicine, or is it war? No, it’s politics.

There are disagreements, and conflicts of interest, and coalition building, and policy-wonkery, and logistics. There is, as with anything involving the state, the implicit threat of violence. (That’s where the state’s power comes from, remember? Whether it’s their power to tax, or their power to enforce individual property rights to begin with. Their power to regulate or build infrastructure or legally construct corporate personhood or whatever. There’s more than a bit of game theory involved, sure, but the rules of the game are set through the armory.) Every scholarly technocrat with double-blind peer reviewed policy suggestions still ultimately just decides who the guns get pointed at, if at several layers of abstraction. Every righteous people’s vanguard is still bound by the mathematics of production and the dynamics of a chaotic world. There are no easy solution, not conceptually easy nor practically easy. And unless we recognize that on a very deep level, we have no chance of fixing anything.

[1] I’d quote my go-to example here, of the truly ghastly stories relayed to linguist R. M. Dixon by the Dyirbal people of Australia about their subjugation at the hands of white settlers, but unfortunately I don’t have his book with me at the moment. Also this post would require several additional trigger warnings.

[2] I mean, after all, there are only countably many Turing machines, and the set of all languages with finitely many symbols has cardinality 2^(aleph_0)!

#society #for posterity

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inventors-fair · 4 years ago

Text

Three Cheese Commentary: An exercise in utility

I really shouldn’t complain about contests being popular with people.

Still, what a way for the year’s contests to start. A heckuva lot of entries for a very hard prompt makes me feel good, in an odd way. I have a hypothesis that the clarity of directions and the examples provided were enough to make it feel as though there was a low barrier to entry. It’s interesting and kind of my fault that a lot of mythic legendary creatures found their way in. Ah well. Lessons learned.

If you’re reading this, I want to give you a little hint: we love hard decisions. If your cards really are brilliant, if you do your best to improve with each and every entry, if you listen to the commentary and submit the best possible card, then our jobs as judges would be nail-bitingly hard. And I love that. I love having to sigh wistfully and move a card from “winners” to “runners-up.” I love praising cards that contest for coolness in their spaces. In short: you don’t have to listen to us specifically because, well, we’re not professionals, but if you tweak the tweaks and polish on your polish, then—well, the goal is that you grow as designers and in your understanding of the game. And that you’ll have fun along the way.

For every card, I’m going to converse with the intent, talk about where improvements can be made and what might have gone wrong, and then go through wording nitpicks (another part of what makes cards hard, heh. You gotta do design AND cost AND flavor without committee). Cards with JUDGE PICK are personal favorites that for whatever reason either didn’t meet the criteria for winners or just tickled my fancy despite being some kind of not-there-in-certain-ways. Or maybe they just got pushed out of runners-up because of space. See? Hard decisions.

Let’s talk about some cards:

@aethernalstars — Anurid Matriarch

Intent: The Matriarch feels like a casual build-around-me keyword card with some connection to the Anurids of Dominaria. There are only two frogs with reach (and none with first strike) to date but this isn’t supposed to be a tribal card, is it. Not like that, anyway. Giving keywords those ups makes sense. Token generation is pretty solidly GW, giving them flying is WU, sure. First strike to double feels distinctly white. I imagine this card as a casual build-around-me or a token generator. Five mana for a 1/1 token ain’t bad.

Improvement: I have no idea what this card really wants to be. First strike doesn’t see anything outside of white, and reach doesn’t see much inside white. Or blue, for that matter. The flying makes sense for blue but this whole card doesn’t feel cohesive in terms of colors or identity. I did my Anurid research and I don’t see any precedent for this. Frog beasts are cool but… Well, this card answers the question of “why” with “just because.” I don’t fully understand the niche it’s trying to fill or the environment in which it wants to exist. If you’re gonna make a Frog build-around-me, lean into that. If you’re gonna make a keyword tribal card, focus on just one. If you want to make it color-balanced, look at what everything could do together for a flavorful feel.

Nitpicks: Flying comes before double strike.

Amarinthe — Rashmi, Enlivened Artificer

Intent: Temur has a pseudo-foothold in Kaladesh mechanically, so I’m not surprised that Rashmi’s here doing her thing. Giving your cards Jump-start is interesting, as UR has a sort of flashback mechanic, plus the lands from the graveyard work into green quite well. What I really like is the way that the Crucible effect interacts with jump-start. That’s pretty cool design chops. I can see this in a supplemental Commander sphere or even as a Standard mythic for a three-color archetype. It doesn’t seem exceptionally broken on either front. From a purely mechanical perspective, I think you made an awesome card.

Improvement: This card perhaps feels RUG, but it 100% doesn’t feel like Rashmi or a druid. Elves can be artificers on Kaladesh, and that’s not an issue, but you call her an artificer, you type her as a druid (which yes, was her original type when she was more druidic), and you give her a primary ability that’s got basically nothing to do with artifacts or druidic principles. The lands work great with the druid part, but the flavor could be sorted out. I would take out “jump-start” as a keyword and just work in the wording “you may cast from your graveyard” etc., make a new character, and flavor them appropriately. The flavor text should complement the mechanics; as it is, I’m not certain.

Nitpicks: “jump-start” should be lowercase, but it doesn’t really matter if you do end up taking it out.

@arashisann — Yurlok’s Conflux

Intent: With Yurlok being a new commander hotness, I can see the intent of this card as a Jundian standard/supplemental addendum. The lava flow makes mountains, then the second ability...represents something predatory? And the last is Jund destruction. The R>B>G makes sense there.

Improvement: I don’t know if this card is necessary salvageable as-is; you might be better off making two or three separate cards if you want to show this character. When making a saga, you have to tell a story in a limited form, and it’s hard, absolutely! You represented the lava flow in the first ability quite well, and I do like that a lot. The creature and artifact sacrifice isn’t indicative of anything that I can follow story-wise. Reading the wiki I understand the way that you might want to represent the Thrash dying or Esper being invaded. I don’t believe this is the way to do it. With the very last sentence not doing anything when you’re sacrificing anyway, I don’t believe the best card for you is a saga at all. How could you tell this in an instant or sorcery card, perhaps? The moment that Yurlok comes over the Esper border?

Nitpicks: “non-Mountain;” the land type should be capitalized in both parts, see Quicksilver Fountain. The ability should also be one word. As I mentioned, removing the counters doesn’t do anything mechanically because it’s sacrificed after resolution. Check the MSE Discord if you want to get your text fixed, BTW. I know how frustrating that can be.

@askkrenko — Etherium Restoration

Intent: You know, even without Ed being there, I’m getting a Bruna-ish feel. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just that UW expensive returning stuff kinda has those associations. The fact that the creature is being restored with etherium though is pretty awesome, and you know what, that alone (the return plus the re-artifacting) is a great way to convey what Esper does and wants to do.

Improvement: The aura and equipment stuff doesn’t grab me, honestly. What do auras have to do with Esper? And the only equipment that I could find that fit was Mask of Riddles. So I’m going to stop here because the obvious answer is that you’re exploring new story design space for what Esper might be. I respect that. With the information we have now, it’s middle-of-the-road. My vote would be to make this (3)(B/W)(U) and make an argument for UW reanimation to artifice overall, then completely drop the aura/equipment part. Plus, gotta say, I know the flavor text is a pop culture thing but you’re messin’ with my favorite plane! Show some respect! /j

Nitpicks: If you do keep that second part, “Aura” and “Equipment” should be capitalized.

@bread-into-toast — Krofor, Corpse Hauler

Intent: It’s a nightmare insect? I’m down. Even without that particular piece of art I can see how people might be afraid of a giant bug. This is pretty evidently a Commander-geared card although I can see how casual brewers might want to throw it down in a combo match and do some graveyard hate. GW graveyard exile and black ability scavaging is pretty cool, so I can see where your intent was with that. Good catch putting “Nightmare” first, too. I almost suggested mixing it around. I like how aggressive this card can be.

Improvement: Firstly, Corpse Hauler is literally another card which already had a self-evident mechanical ability to get creatures back to the hand. Even if it’s an homage, I would distinguish it; besides, it’s not so much “hauling” corpses as it is eating them. Presumably. “All abilities” is a bit of a slippery slope, too. Activated abilities is one thing, but all abilities whatsoever? I’m uncertain if that’s design space you want to tap into, but don’t pull the trigger. My main issue is that you have the activated ability cost “X and W, B or G.” I understand what you were trying to do but that that point you might as well just have it be “1X.” There wouldn’t be anything stopping you from making that mana already. In short, rectify the name to fit flavor, change the ability cost, and be wary of weird interactions with abilities.

Nitpicks: “Lifelink” and “Vigilance” should be lowercase ‘l’ and ‘v’ respectively. The X in the rules text of the activated ability should also be spelled out and not a mana symbol. You can change this in MSE by highlighting, then going to the star next to the bold/italic toggle and turning it off.

@col-seaker-of-the-memiest-legion — Sevala, Exiled Naturalist

Intent: I read up on what happened with Selvala after the events of the first Conspiracy set, and I see how you set off to mimic that, but then I saw the note about the Timeshifting, and yeah, I guess that works.. The green landfall, the red flashback and the white Path come across well. I suppose this is more of an eternal-themed card, although I could be wrong.

Improvement: Yeah, technically there’s nothing stopping you from having a noncreature card as a partnerable card. I’m trying to be diplomatic about the implications, though. Okay. So Selvala’s white aspect was introduced in the first Conspiracy set as she was heavily connected to the citizens of Paliano and worked as a community diplomat against the establishment. She forged a stronger connection to nature and thus became more green in her overhaul of the city. Path to Exile is not in her wheelhouse. She does not exile; she parlays, communes with creatures, seeks out new futures. What exiling magic does she have? What judgement? It doesn’t exist in her character, nor does the redness. Frankly landfall doesn’t really fit her character as well. The point is that even if a character could have a partner that’s a concept (which is antithetical to the mechanic as a whole), the spell you have chosen contrasts with Selvala instead of complementing her. And what does she have to do with flashback anyway? To improve this card, completely restart the conceptual process.

Nitpicks: The character’s name is misspelled.

@deafeningsandwichpeach — Ilharg, the Craze-Boar

Intent: Ha, I get it. I’m going to go out on a huge limb here, because I mean as much as I like all of this I get the feeling that either the name or art came before the full concept. Nothing wrong with that, because ultimately the card is good. SO. Either this is designed for a Timeshifted set where something really awful happens to our poor Boar God, or, well, something really bad DID happen to him somehow. I’m not sure what the land return represents flavorfully but it’s fine mechanically. The creature return as well is BR and I’m down for that, strong as it is. This card evokes the colors in a way that makes it slightly different than Jund; maybe it’s the art but I’m getting Innistrad vibes from him, the madness returning, the pain going on inside his head. It’s neat. Again, massive stretch though, let’s be real.

Improvement: And with that in mind, I wouldn’t have made him Ilharg. Honestly, this should’ve been a new character, and I would have been a lot more generous. I don’t really get what Ilharg as a whole even in an alternate timeline has to do with lands returning considering that he’s a big ol’ nasty city destroyer. Mechanically, this card needs to cost like EIGHT mana. The card you return from your graveyard to the battlefield stays there, and with a big enough graveyard you don’t have to worry about getting things from your hand anymore. Turns 1-4 dump all your creatures, turn five get the best of them if not earlier? Pretty busted in any format. For eight mana I wouldn’t complain.

Nitpicks: “up to two land cards,” not “lands.” Question: why isn’t he a God?

@deg99 — Radiant Return (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: Black reanimation, white attachment, red hastiness. All the colors are definitely there! There’s something Mardu-not-Mardu about this RWB card, and I think I like it. I could see it as a standard card, definitely, or as a commander staple for a really interesting commander. I’m honestly not sure exactly what kind of deck would really appreciate this card right now! Keskit/Akiri? The Auras part is a little more interesting. Ardenn/Vial...Smasher? The fact that it defies current archetypes but still makes sense is very cool to me. I also wonder what a standard expansion in which RWB auraquipment is an archetype would look like now.

Improvement: A little flavor text could make this work one degree better. It’s really on me that you went into the future with this card, isn’t it. There’s no major improvement to be made besides that. Consider contextualizing for future contests, perhaps? When necessary, anyway.

Nitpicks: “Return target...to the battlefield, then attach any number of Auras and/or Equipment you control to it...etc.” Don’t need the trigger.

@demimonde-semigoddess — Seaglide Whaler

Intent: A pirate’s life for me! So we got an aggressive tempo-y pirate person with a decent couple of sharpshooter abilities. Blue sirens are certainly reasonable, as are Grixis pirates. I like the notion that it has to attack to “survey” and then take whatever shots it makes. I don’t think Ixalan could have had this card but honestly the future is a place where anything could happen.

Improvement: The problem with these colors is that in practical terms, the second mode is strictly black and yet can be played in an Izzet deck. Hybrid is a weird mistress. As much as these abilities might neatly tie into the three colors, hybrid makes deck construction nearly impossible. You can have a pinger in UB or a Fatal Blow in UR, both of which are either severe bends or breaks. Making this a straight UBR 3/1 flier could have been okay, perhaps, or having on-color activations, but as it is now, hybrid makes things hard. Consider looking at a Venn diagram between UB and UR to consider more appropriate abilities?

Nitpicks: Kathari Bomber implies the second mode to be “...damage this turn and sacrifice Seaglide Whaler.”

@dimestoretajic — The Dark Tendril

Intent: Sultai skulk-lord could be a fun card to open and build around in limited, and a BUG defender-y deck could have some fun application. I like how you’ve made the new character and sort of done another take on treefolk.

Improvement: For this contest, I don’t feel a strong color balance in this card. Skulk was a weird black/blue centered mechanic, sure, and green assigns the toughness, but… This feels like it’s trying to make skulk look cool rather than address the issue that skulk was just plain not a good mechanic. I get where the color weight is supposed to be but the whole thing is shadowed by that underlying desire. If this card had just been “Creatures you control can’t be blocked by creatures with greater power” and the other stuff, on a name/type that was more resonant, then I think it could have been a stronger contender. I don’t understand the world in which “The Dark Tendril” lives. I don’t understand why it’s a treefolk. I would get rid of naming skulk, make the type more apparent, and give the character some character.

Nitpicks: Three-colored cards really should have a gold border, not a hybrid one. Also, promo frames tend not to have flavor text (with exceptions for cards with no rules text like Memnite).

@driftingthruthecosmos — Ulti, Sudden Conjurer

Intent: I like that triggered ability because it’s got some smooth flow over it. GU has its flash aspect, but black also likes destructive instants, and then the Disentomb-effect fits nicely into a payoff that feels black for sure. I also like how you’re using the three colors to push the card into a really neat 3/3 aggressive creature. Flash and deathtouch literally only show up together in these three colors but not together—and here you are changing that on a powerful legend!

Improvement: But the fact that she can only return creatures with flash is kind of a bummer. Sure there are plenty of cards that could work with her, and having some Ambush Viper casual tribal wouldn’t be too bad, but it’s still limiting. I would have implied that she works with flash, or let players work with flash, without being so specific about it, and I feel that the card would be improved with implied flash tribal over explicit in this case. Additionally, what on earth is that last ability doing? Each end step, you have to sacrifice a creature or lose one of your potential targets for her trigger? I have the feeling that you may have been too cautious to push power levels here. If you want to limit her, have it be “Whenever you cast your first spell during each opponent’s turn…” or something, and axe that last part.

Nitpicks: “unless you sacrifice a nontoken creature.” Full stop, you can never sacrifice creatures you don’t control so adding “you control” is redundant.

@dumbellsndragons — Gorvax, Lich of the Horde

Intent: It’s a Mardu zombie orc wizard. At this point, you’re already doing something right for the Timmies out there. The first ability has Tainted Remedy plus some crazy draw after that, and oh man, it’s begging to be punishing. “I’m gonna Heliod’s Intervention you. Deck yourself. Runeflare Trap. Molten Psyche.” But also, that second ability? You can Bolt during an opponent’s turn and turn it into a one-red-mana Ancient Craving. For mythic, to build around? I honestly think that that’s perfectly fine. And insanely powerful.

Improvement: There’s weird stuff going on, but the hard part is that I don’t know if there’s things to improve. Giving your spells lifelink has Jeskai precedent, but it’s not NOT black. Doing a little digging, I can see that there are indeed zombies and even liches on Tarkir, but only in Sultai… But there’s no reason that the Mardu wouldn’t have them, right? Hm, maybe “Victory or Death” gets muddled here. Wizard, though, that’s a sticking point. And frankly, the whole “Lich” thing. I don’t see the lichiness in the abilities or the wizardry in the Mardu. You know what would be dumb fun? Ditching the Mardu aspect and making this WUBR. Wouldn’t fit the contest but what a friggin’ commander.

Nitpicks: None!

@emmypupcake — Knight of Summer’s Vigor

Intent: I was surprised to see that there are actually quite a few green Knights. It makes sense, of course, considering both Eldraine and Bant and Selesnya. So yeah, an elf knight who makes more knights? This is a powerful card with some crazy abilities if it gets out of control at all, but the color restrictions and the lack of substantial evasion ensure that it’s not busted out of the gate. The name’s pretty good, too! Oh, Knight of New Alara...

Improvement: For this contest, I don’t feel color blending as much. Tokens with GW and knights with R(W) are fine, yeah, but aside from that, the colors of the tokens and the general feeling of the card isn’t enough to really excite me. I do want to see a set in which this card could exist, perhaps, with multicolored knights and elves and whatnot. I don’t have any real improvements for this card; I just don’t think it stands out against some of the weirdness. Keep it around and add some flavor text. Consider: what would you like for this set to be? In what world would these knights exist? Why is summer important?

Nitpicks: “Whenever,” not “when.” See Pollenbright Wings

@evscfa1 — Estrid, the Unmasker

Intent: The Commander sets with shard Planeswalkers did give us a lot to work with but not a lot of extra stuff, so it makes sense that people might pick up on them for the contest. White auras, exile, and taxing all make sense mechanically. I feel that this is more standard than supplemental, a little weirdness for the way that the specific tokens and all would want to work. I don’t mind that part, honestly. Bringing Estrid back would be fine by me, even as monocolored.

Improvement: Because, well, this is a mono-white card. The +1 creates white Auras (that don’t do anything, so that’s an issue), the -2 is close to Generous Gift, and the -8 is an enchantment-oriented Hum of the Radix, like a twist between Sphere of Safety and Aura of Silence. None of these abilities feel anything but white. The emblem is arguably UW, but not by much. With Auras that don’t do anything and a color identity that doesn’t mechanically contribute to the card, I feel that you can either keep her and buff some of the abilities or try to make her feel more in line with the contest, which you don’t really have to do at this point. I’m also worried about the name and the ability tie-ins. Estrid doesn’t “unmask” at all, does she? She’s a mask user, not a revealer of truth or any of the things “unmasking” would imply. Why would she make a False Mask? Is this some alternate storyline? If so, I don’t really understand what changed, or why.

Nitpicks: “*Its controller” in the -2, “*get an emblem” in the -8.

@fractured-infinity — Rhythm of Death (rare)

Intent: Red (/black) gains first strike, black (/green) has deathtouch, green (/red kind of) has lure. Everything’s coming together in a kind of keyword soup, so that’s all well and good! In limited someone who opens this will be very, very happy to make people cry. In casual Commander, it’s sure to help make negotiations.

Improvement: In terms of this contest, yeah, this isn’t really buttering my radishes. It’s there, it’s pretty standard, and it makes sense. There are two cards that have first strike and deathtouch and four more that can gain it naturally and all but one are in those colors. And that wouldn’t be a problem if this card was presented differently. I’m ignoring the art for now because it’s actually distracting here. What is the “rhythm?” Is something being given the rhythm? What’s repeating, cycled, constant? What about a rhythm gives the creature these abilities? Change the name, flavor it up, get some text in there, and use blank art.

Nitpicks: “Enchant creature (lowercase) >> Enchanted creature has first strike and deathtouch, and must be blocked if able.” Take that with a grain of salt, though. Protective Bubble might have it say “Enchanted creature must be blocked if able and has first strike and deathtouch.” Or you can cut the middleman and make it two lines: “Enchanted creature has first strike and deathtouch. // Enchanted creature must be blocked if able.”

@gollumni — Exotic Wings

Intent: It’s interesting that we have two back-to-back “must be blocked” cards (hm, no shorthand?) in a row, both Auras no less, but very different. I like your flavor use with the wings being a status symbol, bright and glittery, and therefore turning the creature into irresistible prey of sorts. Aura colors are good, and the solid green effect is in there as well. The mechanics fit a pretty standard-ly powerful draft uncommon that can be used for beating down when necessary.

Improvement: I’m 90% sure that right now GW doesn’t get flying by itself anymore, or at least very rarely. Pollenbright Wings and Shield of the Oversoul exist, so I’m on the fence. Maybe I’m biased with recent printings, but for two mana I’m not sure it’s what GW would need. That said, I’m sure there’s dissent and arguments to be made, and yes, I know its full color identity includes blue; this is pragmatic. I think this could have been solidly WUG with another buff, perhaps, but that just would have made it favorable for this contest and honestly it’s up to playtesting to see if those colors need a cheap flying aura. But the wings. The flavor. I… So these wings belong to birds, naturally? Who is summing this enchantment for mating? This is some kind of buff or boon that most any creature could have so in what world is some enchant-o-mancer giving “do me” wings to Mx. Passerby?? But, this may be just a quirk of the game, yeh?

Nitpicks: None!

@hiygamer — Etherium Replicator (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: Major kudos for making my look up Prototype Portal and seeing that my gut was wrong and that you DID use the right wording! This is a super-Esper card, more than any of the imprinted cards and honestly a great use of the art. Thopter Foundry is a great card but this one isn’t a bad use and would kind of make sense. Now, I’m not going to put this in improvements, because I want to ask a question: could this card be just plain UW? Possibly, but also consider: this card could be just a straight-up artifact as well, and it feels better how it is now. Why? Because the black invokes a different feeling. It invokes consumption, recycling, progress, larceny, calculation. It’s a very blue side of black. And it also feels, well, Esper! Its an established use of theme!... Honestly it’s probably more that. But I like it anyway. I’d say my bias was showing but none of the winners necessarily invoked Alara straight-up so thpt.

Improvement: There are mostly just wording errors. To be honest, if you’re getting something big, could this card be three mana? That’s probably pushing it, but worth testing. Multicolor custom cube time.

Nitpicks: “enterS the battlefield” (tense), “artifact or creature” (instead of the other way around), and most importantly: “Create a token that’s a copy of A CARD exiled with Etherium Replicator” etc. Because you can copy the ETB trigger and/or use shenanigans to exile other cards.

@hypexion — Ferrari, Sharp Scrapper

Intent: Well if my eyes don’t deceive me, it’s another Esper card! And an artifact-y card? Hm, artifact-enchant-y card. It’s easy to see the designation between colors, with self-mill and the lifegain going into black but leaning towards all three colors, the second ability being straight Disenchant, and the last one being an interesting UB pseudo-reanimation on the cheap, which is super interesting and aggressive. I can see this card intended as either a standard staple or being used as a supplemental planeswalker face card. There’d be a heavy amount of artifacts and enchantments for sure, probably artifact creatures.

Improvement: Did I miss something? When did WUB start caring about enchantments as a multicolor wedge identity? Alela and Zur have their thing, sure, but are those the baseline now? I’m more head-scratching and 0% mad, honestly. As a flavorful card, though, I’m not sure what you’re conveying exactly. So they get rid of stuff and they’re happy when they find garbage, but sometimes they want to scrap things they don’t like, but then they can recreate some of your garbage? Let’s back up and say that this card isn’t a Scrapper and that they’re an artifact/enchantment person. In the most general sense, I don’t really feel a harmony of ideas. The card feels one-note, like there’s very little to do besides abuse the -2 ability and maybe the -1 to get rid of some big thing on the table. The +1 exists to serve the -2, and the -1 feels like it’s trying to be protective for protection’s sake. I don’t know why this character does the things they do through the card. As utility planeswalkers become more abundant, the things they do have to be more resonant; imagine a fully-built world and put your card in the middle. No card is a metaphorical island.

Nitpicks: I think (maybe) that the +1 could be: “Mill up to three cards, then you gain 3 life for each artifact and/or enchantment card milled this way.”

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes — Corpse Spell

Intent: I think you made this very apparent. As a counterspell, it does the job well, and then it lets you get an idea for free! The choice of casting a noncreature spell is particularly interesting, as it plays into this weird and not-really-that-common theme of transfiguration. Obviously polymorphing appears in blue and red but it feels black because of the flavor you’ve chosen to convey. That’s a great job.

Improvement: The big mechanical thing is that I would 100% make this let you case an instant, sorcery or creature instead of just a “noncreature spell.” These colors don’t really feel like they could transmute a creature into something that’s not an idea or, well, a corpse, and it really seems as though that’s the idea you’re going for. The big flavor thing, though, is the name. I really and truly don’t know what you’re trying to convey. Now, I’m aware that English isn’t your first language, and that’s a barrier that I’m not sure how to cross for this kind of criticism. “Corpse Spell” seems like a playtest name. As a concept, this card is great. As a submission, I’m still having to extrapolate a lot; most importantly, it doesn’t tell me how the caster is using the magic to turn a creature into something else. Work on telling that story, and when possible, use native speakers to help get ideas across.

Nitpicks: I think the wording would be: “Counter target creature spell. You may cast target noncreature card with converted mana cost less than or equal to that spell’s converted mana cost from your graveyard without paying its mana cost, and if that card would be put into your graveyard this turn, exile it instead.” Because if you exile it as it resolves and it’s, like, an artifact or planeswalker, what’s the point? Hence my note about instants/sorceries and maybe other creatures.

@ignorantturtlegaming — Draxys, Scourge Eternal

Intent: This card absolutely fits the elemental shell. It feels to me like a standard or CMR-style bomb mythic that hits the table and kinda goes nuts. I mean, it wouldn’t be your commander probably, but in Conspiracy-style? Man. Multiplayer draft, that’s what I mean. It gets cards, it gets counters, it deals damage, then Blitz Hellion-s away. It does indeed feel like a blend of all the crazy things that come in these colors, and you did that much very well. It’s not broken, but it’s powerful, and it’s repeatedly monstrous (not the mechanic, lol) with the fear that it’ll return (until someone Doom Blades it, but that’s the game for ya). Great feeling of a massive beautiful monster.

Improvement: Really, the one thing I would do to improve it would be to consolidate the second and third triggers into “When Draxys enters the battlefield, draw four cards, put four +1/+1 counters on it, then it deals 4 damage divided as you choose among any number of creatures and/or planeswalkers.” No, wait—why not make it an 8/8 and just have it draw cards and deal damage? Because of its massive cost, you’re not gonna play it and then activate Wheel of Fortune in the same turn unless you’re playing some crazy massive game, and then it just shuffles away anyway! So, my suggestion would be to make this one massive bomb when it hits and really get the Timmy out of it.

Nitpicks: None!

@jsands84 — Quarrel, Tariff Enforcer

Intent: The colors are obvious enough, right? A sphinx (blue) based on taxing and punishing (white) to make your opponents lose life (black). Couldn’t be simpler. The color weight is reminiscent of standard cards like Ultimatum cycles but heck, we’ve seen weirder commander cards in the past. I like the fact that even though the color weight is really heavy, the keywords support that kind of aggression without being too overbearing like we’ve seen in other chase rares and mythics.

Improvement: That said, I don’t think it needs that weight at all. 3WUB would have done the exact same and it wouldn’t have looked awkward. Why would it need that weight in the first place? Well, perhaps if it entered the battlefield with an amazing immediate effect. And this card, well, it doesn’t. You have a great eye for flavor and the fact that a legendary (read:uniquely adept) sphinx is enforcing the tax laws of the universe? 10/10. But it doesn’t need that kind of punishment, especially considering, like, the effect really doesn’t come up outside of vintage. So yeah, reduce the weight.

Nitpicks: In the flavor text, “their” referring to the universe is kind of an odd pronoun. With most cases IIRC the concept is objectified instead of personalized, see Aether Adept. (Also there aren’t many cards with ‘universe’ in the flavor text, surprisingly.)

@justincase-1012 — Startling Wisp

Intent: Illusions are almost entirely blue (and one of only two illusions with zero blue in its box is Esper-centric, funnily enough) so that’s all interesting, but this is definitely breaking from the artifact theme and going for color flavor. The fact that it is the one doing the startling is somewhat black, but the discard definitely is. Because of the narrowness of this ability, I feel that it’s intended to be a draft/standard oriented card as opposed to eternal breadth. A 1/1 flying indestructible spirit in these colors is honestly pretty fair and ghostly!

Improvement: This card is too narrow to be common but definitely too specific to be rare, and that narrowness really is...weird. It doesn’t just require noncombat damage, but it requires noncombat damage from creatures. Why? “The next time a source would deal noncombat damage to you or another creature you control this turn” would be perfectly reasonable. Also, why the next phase? Just have it say “Then, if ~ is on the battlefield, return it to its owner’s hand.” The timing doesn’t feel necessary. And honestly, I don’t find this card “startling” much. It’s alluring, certainly, but not startling. Consider renaming and tightening the focus. Too narrow and things just get ugly.

Nitpicks: So you do need “this turn” as I said above, and then looking at other printed oracle text: “that damage is dealt to ~ instead” etc. etc.

@kytheon4-4 — Surrak of New Atarka

Intent: Surrak was a three-color monster the last time we saw him, and he’s back in action now and reclaiming his colors. This is definitely meant to be a commander of sorts, hyper-aggressive with some awesome combat to boot. The first ability’s Gleam of Battle is really aggressively costed here but it makes sense in a timeline when he’s reclaimed some kind of new unity. And of course, the callbacks to both Tarkir timelines is there and well and good. Color-wise, your choice to then go ahead and make a future new timeline is really interesting and I can feel that sort of “new ‘Naya’” blood pumping in Surrak’s veins.

Improvement: The first damage trigger is great, if pretty pushed for Naya colors. The second clause is… Well, call it a “winmore” if you want, but it really is a winmore. Big creatures are big and that’s okay, but if they’re that big and dealing damage, then an indestructible counter is kind of adding insult to injury. And frankly, why not combine these all into one trigger, so that the Gleam ability is just a little less pushed? Whenever the creature deals damage, THEN it gets a counter, and IF it’s four or greater THEN you draw a card, and THEN if it’s eight or greater, something weird happens.

Nitpicks: None!

@mardu-lesbian — Contentious Pair

Intent: A white Soldier, a red Goblin, and a deathtouch counter, and yep, the gang’s all here. Token-making in red and white is pretty standard, a little less for BR and more heavily in the white part of WB, but all the same there’s nothing wrong with that appearing in the three-color combo. It’s interesting you went for a post-Conflux kind of deal with Alara...wedges? Really unique. This is most definitely designed to be a common card for a standard expansion, meant to be drafted and whatnot. It implies a lot about the potential future!

Improvement: I’m unsure how you came up with these colors and creature types. Bant, the shard of soldiers, and Jund, of Goblins, do have one shared color: green. But then this card would have been what, white-green-red? And that’s problematic in another way, and I get that. As it stands, though, this feels heavily weighted towards BR and less towards white, and honestly, this feels definitely uncommon. You get two bodies at instant speed, one of which will most likely destroy an attacking creature. Instant deathtouch isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and it’s been in standard for a bit. The bodies and potential permanent deathtouch when you have an empty board is what raises the complexity. My flavor question: why are they contentious? Makes me feel like we’re seeing the start of the story more than a split-second moment; this card might feel better as an uncommon sorcery.

(Also, I’m just imagining them coming over a mountain at instant-speed during combat, and the soldier and the goblin are just talking about their differences and the goblin is showing off their poison dagger when a beast just WHAMS into them and they both instantly die as the soldier looks on in shock and horror. I do love it when cards tell weird stories.)

Nitpicks: None, I don’t think.

@misterstingyjack — Galtiber, Segovian Titan

Intent: Ah, the memes. Well, still, 1/1 tribal is an interesting take on the whole build-around-me dealio. I can honestly say I’m unsure where this card would fit, but that’s not a bad thing. It feels build-around me, but could it work in a limited environment? You’d need a higher as-fan of 1/1s or tokens, and that’s not a bad thing. Honestly, this card doesn’t feel too bad. He’s a protector and he makes them all work together. It’s a neat little design that captures the diligence, unity and edification of these citizens.

Improvement: I really can’t think of a place where this card would see play, though, and the issue is? There’s no real way to improve that past putting this in a pretty bonkers set where it can either go nuts or be mediocre. There are a lot of cool things you can do with this card, but where does he fit? Segovia is a weird plane and designing for it is hard. I love this card and would love to build with it but the fact is that it’s just going to be weird. I’ll put this in nitpicks, but there’s wording issues. Additionally, talking about the character by name in the flavor text is a little off-putting to me. I’m sure it’s happened before but the story feels like a moment being described more than a character.

Nitpicks: “Creatures you control with base power and toughness 1/1” is the correct way to word these things, Iiii think.

@morbidlyqueerious — Ricantha, Ribbon-Dancer (mythic) (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: As much as this technically could be someone’s general, I like this card as a standard-legal mythic, like Kethis or Yarok. It’s surprisingly easy to understand while being quite powerful in its own way. I wouldn’t call it a Voltron card so much as I would call it a control bomb, certainly for limited. The white-blue deals with the tapping, more the blue with the freezing, and the alluring aspect and keywords fill in the green. It brings a lot of the multicolored feel even with a monocolor activated ability.

Improvement: You know, the flavor almost outshines the color aspect. Looking back I do see the intent, but I’m also mostly seeing an interesting take on the dancing and the enchanting aspect. They’re vigilant, they ‘tie down’ the creatures, and they make other creatures follow them. Honestly, this is a case of “right card wrong contest,” where you made a great card to convey the specific act of ribbon-dancing and a dance leader so much that it overtakes the intent of color. The jokingly biting way of saying this is that you didn’t pander to me as a judge enough (/s). I don’t know about reach; first strike, maybe, to show their agility?

Nitpicks: The combat trigger should be one sentence, see the oracle on Kamigawa snakes.

@mtg-ds — Majak, Revival Instigator (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: Now I wouldn’t call this a gimmick card but I would say that there’s a lot going on here, again, with the flavor. Sacrificing each other creature actually feels white in a Cataclysmic way but with a black edge of making all the zombies. Hasty zombies fills in the red and plays into the instigative aspect, and man, getting everyone out onto the dance floor? I’ll admit that this card is kind of silly with the art, but there’s something unusually cathartic about it. He enters, turns them all into zombies, makes them dance, then whenever someone else dies they join the dance, and when he leaves the music stops. Like, it’s kind of brilliant, how the zombies can’t dance without him. As a flavorful card for a supplemental set I think that you did a fantastic job.

Improvement: My first small note is that the art is again really distracting, and like, I understand that that might’ve been the purpose but “zombie dance party” out of context feels a little unusual, and the name “Revival Instigator” is a touch on the nose. But those are small concerns next to the fact that this card really could have been black/red and wouldn’t have made that much of a difference. Could’ve even kept the Cleric typing. Again, I need to also say that this card is downright fantastic mechanically, but just not quite white there for the purposes of this contest. Keep this card as-is, maybe make him a Human IMO. I don’t have any significant improvements.

Nitpicks: None!

@naban-dean-of-irritation — Tamakoma, Spectral Shiver (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: Clever clogs, I looked up that name and it is indeed fitting! Very clever you are, just as clever as giving the UB flash ninja ETB feeling that strikes fear into the heart of those who don’t know she’s coming. White’s got the spirit flash and indestructible, black’s got deathtouch, flash, AND indestructible, and blue’s got the ninja feeling. Something tells me this would totally be a supplemental card unless Kamigawa goes three-colors, but to be honest I get a MH1 vibe more, and that’s okay too. Major kudos for making me double-check cards like Ambuscade Shaman for this weird wording.

Improvement: I can see how this card would be white flavorfully; I think its just precedent working against you. Because of the way that black has been encroaching upon indestructible in the past couple years, this card could just be blue-black and fit into the ninja feeling just as well. I personally like the white spirit aspect. It’s just not as present here as I would have liked for this contest. Great card, no mechanical improvements.

Nitpicks: I don’t know if “the hollows of the night” are, like, a thing? I don’t know, just as a writer it reads weird to me. One day I’ll be accredited and that won’t seem like such a jackass comment too.

@nine-effing-hells — Llanlaia Rywh, the Inmost Eye

Intent: I like your take on elves here, using the focus and mood to turn the ordinarily green elves into some warrior monastery funky stuff. I’m getting the sense of a cave world, or some kind of twisted plane where expectations are thwarted and the different races of Magic have to find their own kind of way around. Definitely a face card for the tribe in whatever set it’s based in.

Improvement: There’s no blue and black here, or at least I’m not feeling it mechanically, and for this contest that’s the most important thing. Giving a Runed Halo effect on a pump is really darn powerful, and to have this dismiss any damage or removal at instant speed is definitely powerful and definitely white. The concept of looking within for meditation is a bit blue, sure, but I don’t see that expressed on this card as much. I do have some major presentation issues. The name is almost completely unpronounceable, so consider shortening it and cleaning it significantly. The flavor text is also in need of shortening and edits. “Look within to look around.” With a hint that the elves are blind, boom, you’re golden. So: name change, flavor paring, and consider that this card feels overall white. That said, for flavor and balance reasons for this card, keeping those colors is fine. Also consider that this is a really damn powerful beater.

Nitpicks: None that I can tell.

@partlycloudy-partlyfuckoff — Everlasting Forefather

Intent: Here’s the thing: I’ll get to stuff in the ‘improvements’ section but mechanically, this card is really interesting for a number of flavorful reasons. Three-mana 4/3 with mentor is perfectly powerful in these colors, that’s great, flavorfully fine as a forefather. Creating two spirits upon death, awesome, those are the embodiments of his students and ideals, and most importantly, play into the embalm, where his zombie can teach the spirits after death and makes for great flying beaters, AND that Zombie token will make more spirits in remembrance. The use of flavorful mechanics gives it an interesting edge even if all these individual mechanics could be in mono-white.

Improvement: One, I would personally make this a warrior, but that’s super minor. Two… I can’t think of any reason outside a custom set where you’d have three non-evergreen mechanics from three different sets and two different planes on the same card. It feels like a custom card, not in the sense that it’s at all thoughtless or amateurish, because it’s not, but because there’s no way of making these pieces come together in a meaningful way; it feels like you’re removing the restrictions on what can go together for the sake of it. MH1 did have some mechanical mashups and we’ve explored that before. This feels like a bit too much for what we’re looking for. Honestly, for a custom multicolor cube or w/e, keep this card. But you might also want to consider MSE or having someone render for you, because with the VERY necessary rules text, this one takes up a lot of text; no room for flavor, and no need, ‘cause you do it all naturally anyway.

Nitpicks: Mm, none, I don’t think!

@reaperfromtheabyss — Glorified Minddrinker (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: This is definitely asking to be in a standard/draftable set as a tribal beater. You give it evasion, you use other vampires/warlocks to mess stuff up, you get in, and you drink. BW vampire lifegain meets the milling, and there you have it. What I really like is the fact that it’s “any card,” like Bloodchief Ascension, but that feels blue, because they’re drinking from the mind and not just the body, and I dunno, I REALLY like that kind of neat flavor niche. I also love how this makes a really roundabout already-exploited infinite combo with Sanguine Bond and Mindcrank, both of which are halves of other better combos.

Improvement: Mechanically, there’s nothing to improve here, except you might want to consider some kind of evasion. I think there’s just the nitpick of having “Glorified” in there without any understanding of what makes this creature glorified or why. A snippet of flavor could have helped with that, and with only two abilities. I don’t know, this one just didn’t pop to me for some reason. It’s a perfectly fine submission, and it just needs a little more pop.

Nitpicks: None! Nice and clear.

@shootingstarhunter — Storm Key

Intent: I find it interesting that the mana made from sacrificing is red but the abilities have a central Riku-like fascination. This feels like a supplemental card for sure, although I’m sure there are standard shenanigans. It would require a set in which RUG/Temur has an artifact theme and in which giving things storm is on the table. I have the feeling that in a genuinely competitive Maelstrom Wanderer deck that this card could turn a possible win into a guaranteed win. It’s there to help big things be bigger, but without a win-more feel, and I like that.

Improvement: In terms of this contest, it lacks elegance in its cohesion. The flavors don’t necessarily blend as well as they could. There’s a lot of rules text that emphasizes the separation rather than blending it together. My suggestions: Make it just cost RUG, no generic, reword the first ability to be: “When ~ is put into a graveyard from the battlefield, add R for each spell you’ve cast this turn,” and the second ability to “5, T, Sacrifice ~: When you cast your next instant, sorcery or creature spell this turn, copy it for each spell you’ve cast before it this turn.” And then add reminder text about targets and permanents. A tiny bit more flexible and less text, and you can add in some flavor. Personally I don’t really get the “Key” aspect. It feels more like a big machine of sorts.

Nitpicks: Remember to capitalize “Sacrifice” in the ability costs. Second reminder text should be “You don’t choose new targets for the copies.” I think, there’s not much precedent. Check the MSE Discord for tech help in getting your name/type text straightened out if you’d like.

@snugz — Erratic Polymorph (JUDGE PICK)

Intent: This does feel very wild, more of the Temur frontier or even the Ketria triome. Either one of those sets getting a return could have this, or a supplemental draft set on that world, or a commander product aimed at those timelines. This card’s pretty flexible in that sense! The red lack of control over twisty magic is definitely evident, with the green bear and the blue otters as representative of those sides of the wild. I like how you took blue’s natural sense and made it river/forest oriented. Big boys and little boys do different kinds of cool damage. I can dig it! (Although I’m more inclined to bears than otters myself…)

Improvement: I wouldn’t call this “elegant” as a primary adjective for its color balance, even though it’s very neat still overall. The obviousness of green being bears and blue being otters doesn’t take away from the fact that both of them make sense. The long and short is that I don’t have card improvements, and this card’s just for a different contest.

Nitpicks: None-zo

@starch255 — Dopplicant

Intent: Very clever, I see. You used white’s enchantment base for the card type even though it’s a strictly red and blue ability. Copying any spells is on the table now with Lithoform Engine so that makes sense. This could be in just about any set with these colors, and you know what, that’s perfectly fine. Jeskai, Raugrin (ugh), or otherwise, there’s cool stuff happening.

Improvement: With a vague name and flavor, it’s easy to have this card be a thumbs-up mechanically, but what...exactly is it? It’s name makes me think of the creature Duplicant, which is fine, makes sense, although it’s not a creature here like any of the other “-cant” cards. I just can’t place it, which is obviously a presentation thing over a mechanical issue. For the Fair, presentation is somewhat important, and also contextualizes your cards. It might just be a “me” thing to keep in mind for when I’m judging, so don’t take it personally at all. I think the idea is sound and all we need is polish.

Nitpicks: None~

@stormtide-leviathan — Jeskai Confluence

Intent: Like the confluences of C15, this is a charm-like modal spell with three pretty standard modes for the colors: blue draw, red damage, white erase. I can see this being part of either a standard return to that other timeline or as part of a “clan clash” supplemental set for sure.

Improvement: In the main post, there were examples like Shattergang Brothers that were posted as technically fine but not elegant. Totally separating your colors and abilities was part of that, breaking the cohesion. Unfortunately, charm effects were most definitely part of that area. I know that Magic design space isn’t eternally open, and I hate to say this, but because this card uses 2/3 abilities already found on the printed confluences and only minorly changes the damage, this feels somewhat derivative. I would go back to the drawing board and look at overlap rather than individualization, what the colors could have done together to make a card that creates something unique.

Nitpicks: There should be a period after “once” instead of an emdash.

@thedirtside — Twisted Design

Intent: I think that with Tezzeret being who he is and with the cool trend of colored artifacts, this card could absolutely find play in a variety of places. It feels almost like a story card, someone’s terrible (well, twisted) creation. That much is absolutely apparent. The counter/exile is definitely blue and black-ish but I like how the theft kind of ends up being red as well and the artifact typing helps with that. Flavor text is pretty okay too. Short, simple.

Improvement: That...second ability. Are you choose a card as part of a cost? I’m no rules guru but I’m almost certain that you can’t do that. And it doesn’t specify the speed, so you can basically pay the (very fair) cost to exile the spell, but then very unfairly get it back anytime you want. Why random, too? What if that spell has other random restrictions or no legal targets? There’s a lot to unpack from that with no printed precedent because, to put it bluntly, it doesn’t work within the rules. I really like the idea of having a card where you can somehow steal, twist, or morph their spells into new nightmares or futures. Work with that idea to make something URBy that, well, works rules-wise.

Nitpicks: It took me a bit to find your source photo with your source link (X), and I don’t even think that blog’s using proper permission. Here’s the gist: if you can’t find the original photographer, either go stock or don’t use art, OR find a source that’s more easily traceable. Pretend that you’re someone who has to find the source working backwards.

@walker-of-the-yellow-path — Ziziphus, the Lotus Eater

Intent: I could never be like him, I could never talk like that. Also, thank you for making this explicitly commander-based, heh. Food tokens are interesting, and I can see the token art already as well as the kind of person you might imagine Ziziphus to be. Oddly enough, they feel Therosian, considering the “lotus eaters” in the Odyssey, and that’s not a bad thing I suppose. Food’s sort of in the green area, with blue-white profiteering, and the general combat lull sort of encapsulating the whole GWU-ish control feeling. Turbo-fog ahoy.

Improvement: Competitive commander gets shut down pretty easily and casual commander becomes almost instantly unfun. It’s an instant-speed everyone-gets-it nigh-uncounterable Pacifism array that’s flavorfully understandable but puts a target on you as the one person to kill if anyone wants this game to ever end. I understand the top-down design but it’s impractical and I don’t see a game where this being your commander would make the gameplay better. So like Gwafa Hazid, consider your design: what would entice people to take the food? What’s the payoff? How often do you want this to happen to improve gameplay without causing staleness? Is food where you want to go, using lifegain to then further prolong the game?... Oh. Oh, someone can also just lorus-ify Ziziphus itself and then nothing happens in this version. That’s something to consider.

Nitpicks: The name’s really similar to “Sisyphus” in pronunciation. I was distracted.

@whuh-oh — Tainted Lightninghorn

Intent: Some day, I think we’re gonna get a five-color Lightning Blankemental kind of card, and I can’t wait for it. So yeah, it’s an aggressive predatory insect elemental with nasty sauce, and I feel this in a supplemental set for sure.

Improvement: So as an uncommon, it’s already pretty pushed, too much so. Ball Lightning set a precedent, and it’s a rare for a reason, honestly. That much power even for four mana with the abilities you’ve given it is a but much. For this card, most importantly, I need to be as clear as I can: The interaction between deathtouch and trample is an unintuitive quirk of the game. They do not belong on the same card with zero restrictions, especially not on an uncommon. Sometimes it’s okay to just make a cool card because it’s cool. I like my weird cards, I like my weird interactions. Forcing them feels like choosing indulgence over good design. I’m not feeling the uniqueness of the colors, I’m not feeling the flavor (why does lightning leave decay?), and I’m not feeling the gameplay. Where do we go from here? I think this general concept is fine for a personal set or a supplemental concept. Contextualize it for that area, look at environmental answers, and then see if you want to play with what the colors do.

Nitpicks: I’m 90% sure it’d go “Deathtouch, haste, menace, trample.” Also, I’m sure someone pointed out the whole flying-without-flying thing for the art, that’s very mildly distracting.

@wolkemesser — Murmurs of the Bosk

Intent: Yeah, this is very much a Lorwyn-inspired card, and I’m happy for that. Both the treefolk flavor and the permanent return are green, returning to the battlefield is white and black, and the white enchantment plus toughness matters (also in green) gives this card a magnificent flow of feeling, the trees returning. I can see this in any set, but especially a standard return to Lorwyn, and yet it could have a home in several cool recursion decks! It’s a nice little addition for both lovers of slow return and for treefolk fans.

Improvement: This card was going to be a runner-up or even a judge pick, but the severity of nitpicks grew until I realized that there were just too many problems to give it full commendation. I’ll put the revised wording in the ‘nitpicks’ bar and get to the big ones: the name, and the flavor text. The name is obviously an homage to Murmuring Bosk, right? That’s understandable, but the name is literally so close that I can’t think of anything else. The difference between being honoring and being derivative is enigmatic at times. This particular case is more evident. And the flavor text is almost completely ripped off from Doran’s card itself. Literally, it keeps the order and adds four words that don’t add sense or depth to the character. For future submissions, keep that in mind. As a mechanical suggestion, you could just have it be the greatest toughness without targeting, and it does need to target the card in the graveyard.

Nitpicks: “At the beginning of your upkeep, you may return target permanent card with converted mana cost X or less from your graveyard to the battlefield, where X is the greatest toughness among creatures you control.”

Join us tomorrow, for a new contest, and a brush...with DEATH.

- @abelzumi

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