#like srsly what is this emotion? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ahuiahoe · 1 year ago

Text

purple, white, grey, and black

pairing: idol!seungcheol x gn!reader rating: M wc: 2.9k summary: you're asexual and proud, and have been for a while. so why does seeing ace pride posts sometimes churn something within you? or, the one where reader talks about where/if their asexuality and trauma intersect. warnings: implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced sexual childhood abuse, (these things are only talked about in the vaguest sense but please be careful), anxiety, mentions of acephobic family members tags: asexuality, asexual reader, established relationship, dialogue-heavy, emotional hurt/comfort a/n: this is a rewrite of a fic i wrote for a bts queer introspections fic fest, and i want to preface this by saying everyone's journey with asexuality is different and the one reflected here is based purely on my own personal journey. if any of you struggle with any of the same thoughts/questions reader does, that I do, i hope this can remind you that you're not alone 💜

jimbo the himbo @spaceace9393

just a friendly reminder: asexuality is a valid identity. it's not any kind of disorder, and it has nothing to do with disability, or trauma, or mental illness. we are not sick, or broken, or in need of "fixing.” we're just people who don't experience sexual attraction, that's it.

You stare at the tweet for a long, long time. Long enough that your phone screen dims before shutting off entirely, leaving you with only your reflection for company.

Your chest feels... you're not sure how to describe it, exactly. It might be a little bit like when you accidentally clogged the bathroom sink the other day — like there's something cold and murky sloshing around inside your lungs, bits of feelings you can't quite name sinking down to rest on something that's been building unseen for a while now.

Closing your eyes, you breathe in, slow and deep, and then release a shaky exhale. Your fingers start tap-tap-tapping away on your thigh as you realize that you kind of, maybe, really want to talk to someone right now.

You have your kakaotalk app open between one blink and the next.

you

cheollie? are u still at one of the hybe studios?

cheollie 🧡

yeah i'm still here not working on anything too important rn tho so you can swing by if you want i have extra ramyeon packs that soonyoung dropped off they're the spicy kind you like

You can't help but smile softly to yourself. Even though the anxiety of what you want to talk about makes your heart race, you don't think you'll ever stop being endeared by Choi Seungcheol.

you

cheollie ur the best ily ❤️ see u soon ~

cheollie 🧡

love you too ❤️

You quickly throw on your comfiest hoodie, threadbare and fraying at the seams, and you make your way over to the Hybe building. You also stop at a convenience store on the way, grabbing a canned coffee for each of you because you're a good partner like that.

By the time you get to the door of the studio, though, what little confidence you'd built up for yourself starts to fizzle out, replaced by the anxiety simmering on low just beneath your skin. The confusing feelings are still sloshing around inside your chest, so much so that you think about knocking even though you haven't knocked in months — not since Seungcheol started texting you the code of whatever studio he was working in at the time.

Groaning to yourself, you smack the edge of your phone against your forehead a few times before quickly punching in the code and opening the door before you can talk yourself out of it.

Seungcheol is slouched comically in the chair, head so low it's practically leaning against the armrest as his socked feet rest propped up on any empty corner of the desk. The computer's wireless keyboard is cradled against his chest and stomach, keys down, and he's using its smooth back as a makeshift mousepad. ...To play Solitaire of all things, you realize.

You stand there, just blinking for a moment as you process the image in front of you. He looks so stupid and cute and you can't help the grin that pushes against your cheeks.

"Cheol," you giggle. "What the fuck."

"Shhhhhhhh..." Seungcheol's eyes don't leave the monitor. "Don't question the process."

You snort as you finally close the door and walk over to set his canned coffee on the desk, on the opposite side his feet are propped up.

"What process?" You stand over him, folding your arms across your chest as you try to keep a straight face. Raising an eyebrow at his posture, you ask, "The one where you turn into a slouchy slug?"

"Hey!" Seungcheol swings the keyboard into your hip like he's trying to chop down a tree, making you double over even as you start giggling. "I am not a slug, how dare you!"

You just laugh louder and playfully shove his chair away from the desk. He yelps in surprise as his feet suddenly fall to the floor and he nearly topples over, and then he turns the full force of his pout upon you.

"I can't believe my very own partner is trying to kill me," he laments. "What did I do to deserve such betrayal? Did Jeonghan put you up to this?"

"Aww, poor aegi," you coo. You walk over to him and squish his cheeks between your palms so that his lips pucker out comically. "My poor little guppy wuppy."

His dark brows furrow harder and you let out an oof when he jabs you in the stomach with the wireless keyboard he'd managed to hang onto in the chaos, letting go of his face. It wasn't hard enough to hurt (never is) and you just stick your tongue out at him in retaliation.

He rolls his eyes and points to the couch. "Go have a seat, traitor."

You acquiesce with a soft snort, burying yourself in the corner while Seungcheol tidies up the studio. You pull one of the throw pillows into your lap and very quickly end up hugging it tightly to your chest.

For a few blissful moments, you'd forgotten about all of the confused, anxious things swimming around inside of you — forgotten the main reason you'd come here in the first place.

You must zone out, because the next thing you know, Seungcheol is squatting in front of you and trying to catch your eye, one hand gently squeezing your knee. "Hey, Y/n-ah. You doing okay over here? Want me to take you home?"

His eyes are wide and earnest, worry lightly furrowing his brow, and you will never cease to be grateful for how much he embodies unconditional care and comfort.

Shaking your head, you reach out to clasp the hand on your knee. "No, 'm fine." You tug on his hand, a silent request to come sit next to you. "Just wanna talk to you, if that's okay."

"Of course it's okay," he promises. "Always."

When he sits, he leaves a sliver of space between the two of you, leaving it up to you to decide how much (if any) physical comfort you want right now. That simple, little act of thoughtfulness is like the glimpse of a lighthouse amidst the storm that's brewing within your ribcage, and it gives you the courage you need to hoist your metaphorical sails and let the wind take you where you need to go.

You waste no time in anchoring yourself to Seungcheol's side, throwing your legs over his lap and burying your face into his collarbone.

"Hey, jagiya, hey, you're okay," he soothes automatically. His hands come up to wrap around you, pulling you close and rubbing soothing arcs up and down your back. "You're okay. I'm here to listen, yeah? I'm here."

He doesn't say anything else after that, just settles a bit more into the couch and waits for you to speak, always so full of patience when it counts.

It does take a while for you to say anything, mostly because you don't really know where to start. There's still so much swirling around inside you, murky and confusing, that you're not really sure if there is a start.

And a part of you wonders if it's even worth opening up your mouth at this point — the same part of you that's always walked hand-in-hand with your shame and doubt.

But Seungcheol's breathing is a steady rise and fall against your chaotic thoughts, his heartbeat a siren song reminding you that he has always held your hopes and dreams and fears and questions oh so carefully in the palms of his hands.

Eventually, you realize that it doesn't really matter where you start as long as you jump in. So jump you do. "Cheol?"

"Hmm?"

"Do— do you remember when I came out to you and the rest of the group as ace?"

" 'Course I do," he assures warmly, giving you a small squeeze. "Still so proud of you."

You hum happily. But your anxiety is making you feel fidgety again, so you pull one of Seungcheol's arms down into your lap so you can play with his long, sturdy fingers. He lets you do it without complaint, and something within you settles.

You let yourself breathe in, breathe out.

"After you guys," you start, bending and unbending his fingers one by one, "the first person I ever came out to was my mom, you know? And it's— it wasn't that she wasn't supportive. Or like, I think she was trying to be supportive, at least, but." You take a breath. "Do you wanna know what the first words out of her mouth were, after I told her that I was ace?"

Seungcheol hums an encouragement, pulling you impossibly closer with the one arm he still has wrapped around your back. You take another breath, uncurling all of his fingers and holding the spread-out digits in both hands, almost like you're going to try and read his palm.

You breathe in, breathe out. "She said— without any hesitation, she said, 'Oh, is it because of your trauma?'"

You feel the way Seungcheol tenses beneath you, watch the way his fingers twitch between yours like he's trying not to curl them into a fist.

"And I didn't know how to respond to that," you continue, keeping your eyes down, "so I just said 'I don't know, probably.'" You give the same little helpless shrug you'd given then, small and defeated, and you use the motion to hunch your shoulders a little more.

"Y/n-ah. That's..." Seungcheol starts, voice a little rough around the edges like he's trying to keep some big emotion from breaking through. "I can't imagine what that must've felt like."

And you know, you know, that he's filling in the blanks. That he's taking the words 'trauma' and 'asexuality' and drawing conclusions that probably aren't too far from the truth.

You grip his hand tightly between yours and tuck it against your chest like a child clings to a favorite stuffed animal; he presses a gentle kiss to the crown of your head. You both breathe — in, out.

"Yeah. It didn't— it didn't feel great," you admit, an understatement. "And she's not the only one, either. Every single family member I've come out to, every single one of them— that question has always been the first thing to come out of their mouth."

The faces of those family members flash before you, all carrying the same expression — pity, one etched so deep it felt (feels) almost condescending. "Is it because of your trauma?" "Is it because of what happened to you? Did he make you like this?"

"And I just..." You flail the hand not clutching Seungcheol's, searching for a way to put into words what you've been feeling for so, so long. "I have this knowledge living inside me at all times that, to the family members that I'm out to— they'll never see my asexuality as something to celebrate. All they will ever see is my trauma and how this part of myself is something that comes from a broken place."

You think about the tweet from earlier, the hundreds of others you've seen like it, and feel tears begin to gather.

Sniffling, you continue. "And then I'll go on the internet and see all kinds of ace pride and posts about how we're valid and don't need to be fixed and... and I know that. Logically, I know that my ace-ness isn't something that needs to be changed, isn't something that could change, even if I wanted it to, but..."

But.

For so, so long, you have had no idea how to finish that sentence. And it feels like some kind of defeat when you realize you still don't have an answer. "...I don't know," you shrug, helplessly.

Seungcheol presses another kiss to the top of your head, staying silent like he knows you still have more to say. He keeps a steady rhythm of slowly rubbing his free hand up and down your back, a tactile metronome for you to follow.

After a few minutes, you continue with a sigh. "About once a year, I'll talk with my aunt, and she never fails to ask if I'm "still ace" and... I just..." You cut yourself off with a frustrated groan.

"S'okay, aegi," Seungcheol whispers, squeezing the hand you're still holding close to your chest.

"Sometimes it feels like my ace-ness is tainted, you know?"

Even as the sentence feels punched out of you, it's such a bitter relief to finally admit it out loud. Because even though you've never really let yourself put it into words, you are finally able to recognize that this is one of the murky feelings that has been weighing you down — collecting in your subconscious like debris in the gutter. "And it's why bringing up my past can be so difficult for me. Because I'm so scared that people will go from just accepting my asexuality to thinking 'Ah, that explains it.' Like I just gave them the missing piece to a puzzle or something, when before it was just a part of who I am.

"And there's also a part of me that feels like... I don't know, that I'd just be adding fuel to the fire for all the people who like to shit on asexuality. That I'm just an example of why people who think they're ace are just traumatized and need therapy. But... I think I would have always been ace, no matter what happened or didn't happen to me as a kid. And I just...

"I don't know, Cheol," you croak, the tears you've been trying so hard to keep in finally starting to cascade down your cheeks. "I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't know where to fit. If I fit. If it even matters whether I fit or not."

And really, now that you've talked it out a bit, it essentially boils down to one thing.

"I guess— I guess what I'm saying is that I just want to be able to feel like I can be ace and a little bit broken at the same time. That I can be a work in progress and still something... worth celebrating."

You tuck your free hand into the sleeve of your hoodie and use it to wipe away the tears that are still falling. Seungcheol's next exhale shudders a little bit out of his chest, and then he's letting go of your hand so he can cradle your jaw and tenderly wipe at the tears himself.

"Hey, jagiya, will you look at me, please? Will you let me look at you?"

You nod, the lump in your throat having doubled in size between one moment and the next, and he gently lifts your chin until you're eye-to-eye.

"There you are," he murmurs, with a sad lopsided smile. You notice he has tear tracks of his own, and looking into his big, glassy eyes aches and soothes in equal measure. "I'm going to tell you something very important, so I need you to listen carefully, okay? Can you do that for me?"

Again, you nod, swallowing thickly.

Seungcheol's expression quickly melts into something serious. Not something scary, but something solid — a firm foundation for you to rely on.

"Y/n L/n. You will always, always be something worth celebrating. Being a work in progress is a part of life, and you and I and everyone else on this planet will be one until the day we die. I may not know all the answers, and we might never find the ones we're looking for, but if I know anything, it's this: not a day has gone by since getting to know you that I am not so, so incredibly proud of you — of the person that you are and that you are continuously becoming. More than I can really put into words."

You think you could drown in all of the love and support and affection pouring out of Seuncheol, overwhelming you in the best way. It's like your heart has capsized and all of the ooey-gooey feelings are flooding in, pulling you down deeper, deeper, deeper still.

But you've hit your emotional threshold for the day and decide to cut the moment the best way you know how. "Even when I'm an annoying little shit?" you choke out past your now-stuffed nose.

Seungcheol laughs wetly and wraps his arms around you again, tilting you both over so you're both mostly lying down on the couch. "I think maybe especially then," he murmurs, mostly to himself. Louder, he says, "I think we've earned ourselves a nice nap, what do you think?"

You think that sounds heavenly, and you both adjust your positions until you're comfortable and you can feel sleep pulling at your consciousness. Before you let it claim you, though, you take a few moments to breathe.

It feels a bit easier than before, the breathing. The stuff sloshing around inside your lungs doesn't feel as murky as it did before, doesn't feel as suffocating now that you've been able to bale some of it out. You don't have any more answers than you did before, but you have a bit more peace.

And as you finally drift off to Seungcheol's quiet, snuffling snores, you think that having a bit more peace might be enough for now.

#wow this is #ive got no words #i never expected a svt ff related to asexuality or anything like that cuz it’s such a niche demographic but i’m so so glad i found this #as im figuring myself out it’s so weird being in this threshold cuz idek if/when i come out as ace ppl will take me srsly #i keep thinking ace isn’t rly something you can come out as when ppl you’re coming out to don’t know what it is #euhhhhh bit too real 🫠#ive had an ace crisis™️ since reading loveless last year and i feel like it’s still ongoing it’s just ignored/neglected #partly cuz i avoid unpacking difficult emotions eheh #gonna be in another crisis for 3-5 business days due to this fic #all in all this is a **COMPLIMENT** thank you for your service producing quality work in the svt x ace demographic 🫡

70 notes · View notes

himejoshiangels · 4 months ago

Text

Duke Thomas fic rec list

I've scowered every tag relating to him, combed thru the 'duke centric tag' at least 8 times, this is what ive come back with, at least my personal faves

necessary reminders - duke pov, outsider pov, and some social media following duke as he gets used to his day job as a vigilante. flows really well, has a good balance of sad and happy, and gets dukes character rlly well

that which you cannot bear - THIS FIC WILL BREAK YYOU duke is kidnapped and its only down from there!! this is like, one of the first duke fics I read and it's still labeled as such in my mind. its well based, sooo cohesive plot wise, and stays completely in character w all its characters, especially duke, while exploring such an interesting facet of him > his tendency to self-isolate, insistence on being independent, and his stubbornness. sooo much good angst just incredible stuff while also staying hopeful and grounded. ALSO duke is an intelligent badass throughout the fic which is an important detail 2 me

signal, n. a divine act - same author as the last one, absolutely insane concepts are explored and its just so well written srsly it's like poetry. digs into some of dukes ideologies so well. if u like holy imagery??? kind of but not rlly?? ig you'll love this

this whole series is just so fucking incredible but something about my bodies made of crushed little stars I don't fucking know it messed w my brain chemistry, I've recced it b 4 bcs it made me cry but read the whole series, it's all duke centric and just so good. Saki writes bruce and duke in a way that fizzes u up w emotion and focuses on such unique facets of dukes character/dynamics and sleep well my little sunshine is soo cute and fun and soft >when earth finds the stars - bonus presignal duke and jason fic, balances being incredibly fun with a realistic zoom in on duke before we are robin. he's quippy and witty and always at the edge of his rope

not mutually exclusive - tired of bruce being kinda shoved into the role of dukes capital F father when that's not quite what their dynamic is? Then this is the fic for you!! Just good duke and Bruce interactions overall, it's sad and hilarious with just incredible dialogue and peak Bruce and Duke interactions

signals and symptoms - a classic sickfic and like one of my fave bruce bonding fic ever ever EVERRR!! really introspective abt dukes character and just so well done

even exchanges - some of u are gonna hate me for reccing an incomplete fic and esp one that doesn't look like it's gonna be finished anytime soon but even exchanges is so formative to my duke characterizationalong with portraying such a fascinating dynamic w him and his new family. it delves into his messy and angsty experiences pre-becoming the signal and is overall written like several subsequent punches to the stomach. promise ur gonna bitch and moan about this fic as much as I do

scientific method - extremely cute fic, watch Duke bond w the bats and slowly get more comfortable with them over time as they all tru to figure out what the fuck this guys powers are. Really fun dynamic wise, the dialogue is crafty and captures the familiarity between the characters. Really realistic about day to day vigilante life and how genius the bats truly are. really slice of life fluffy shit w some bonus sciencey stuff

turn my voice human torch remind people what I’m fantastic for - truly a classic, Duke invites cass to slam poetry night. short n sweet I LOVE BUMBLEBATS RAHHHHHH

tradition - pure duke n bruce ice cream fluff

meal prep - real sad angst one shot ft. alfred

occupational health and safety violations - duke pov reverse robins but it's way out of order

write about flowers (at a time like this) - duke and dick fic where they meet pre we are robin. yes I just found this one yesterday yes I'm absolutely obsessed. it characterizes him so well and understands his thought process and motives and UGHH just tune in yall

sidequest: the viper pit - WE ARE ROBIN DND JUMANJI

signals of fear and hope - duke centric reverse robins, caters TTOME specifically it's so fire

and now here are fics that arent duke centric but he's in it and in character/well written and now forced into the back of the room aka some of my general faves that feature duke

gotham aviary - the batman fic where he just adopts a bunch of em truly adorable like the cutest thing you'll read

I walk the streets at night (with monsters in my mind) - dragon fic, absolutely goated 10/10

fight, flight - cass centric but duke plays a big role, they mean everything to me

#will be adding to this again as we go but yk #the signal #dc tag #duke thomas #dc comics #batman #batfam #batfam fanfic #fic recs

232 notes · View notes

11cupids-tarot11 · 6 months ago

Text

Habits of your future spouse that might annoy you 😅

1 -> 3

DM me for private readings!

$5.55 per question!

Tips appreciated

C@sh app and P@ypal payments only

Cash tag- $minnieplant3

Love y'all

- Cupid 𖥔 ࣪ ᥫ᭡ꗃ⋆࣪.

Pile 1- Four of swords, Seven of wands, two of cups and Queen of coins.

So I'm seeing this person will annoy you with how closed off they are. They don't let their emotions show easily, it's hard getting this person to really settle down and be grounded. I don't think this person doesn't ever want to settle down, I think they're just scared of commitment but more specifically love, getting close to someone. Maybe they've been hurt by people before, rather it be an ex who left them feeling guarded or just walls being up because they think how cuel the world is, whatever it may be they feel they have to protect these feelings from everyone, and that will annoy you I'm assuming lol. You might not really understand this person's intentions at first, you might think they're disinterested or you wanting to move the relationship to a more serious level and they could be resistant, really confusing, like you just don't know what this person's next move is. But this energy is really frustrating! Like, either you love me or don't srsly man 😭 I see this person really does want you, they are serious about you and I think that scares them because again they're so closed off and guarded, but they really do worship you. They might think you're also out of their "league" I'm hearing, there could be some insecurities around their ego as well.

I'm mostly picking up on that and not much of anything else? I wanted this pick a pile to be a little longer but it seems this is all spirit wants to flow through for now lol.

I hope you enjoyed! See you next time, don't forget to do the pole at the bottom!

Other messages- Cancer, Pisces, 14, I'm sorry. (Seems like someone wants to apologize for something? I heard "I'm sorry" multiple times during this.)

Pile 2- Ace of coins, Five of wands, The magician, Eight of cups in reverse.

This person tends to be fixed on money at times, it might annoy you how materialistically this person might be. I'm also seeing this person likes to take on battles on their own, will fight anyone on earth for you and you don't have to move fingernail, they like to try and be the solution to all of your problems and this will annoy, it could be you just hate how this person makes all of your problems their own to the fullest which is a nice trait to have but it's also not healthy. This person could have a hard time letting toxic people go, they have a bit of a people pleasing energy. With the Magician card I'm getting this person really likes fixing everyone's problems, having their "Aha!" Moments and that might really irritate you, you could help this person coming out of that energy and teach them it's okay to not be everyone's hero, that it's not their job all the time to give themselves away so much.

I hope you enjoyed this reading! Don't forget to do the poll below! See you soon 🩷

Other messages- Aries, Leo, Sagittarius.

Pile 3- Three of coins, Knight of Swords, Three of cups and Five of swords

This person would rather sit in silence and struggle rather than ask for help. This person could like going out and partying a lot or maybe likes taking you on dates out doors a lot in crowded places, you could be more introverted than them so this annoys you a bit lol.

I think this person might have a temper they're still learning to control? Like I think they're a calm person but as soon as they get ticked off their words cut deep, and they know that actually.

Maybe this person has a lot of talent, you see a lot of potential in this person or they share lots of good ideas with you and it might annoy you that this person doesn't believe in themselves to finally turn their dreams into reality? I see you really want the best for this person so it might really annoy you that you know they're not giving it all they've got, you see how far they can go, they just need that extra bit of encouragement from you!

Hi! Hope you liked this reading! Don't forget to do the poll at the bottom please! See you soon! 🩷

Other messages- Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, blue, water, wings and 14.

#tarot community #18+ tarot #pac love reading #pac tarot #pick a card #spirituality #tarot #tarot cards #tarot reading #tarot love reading #tarot messages

398 notes · View notes

acciotaitlynn · 1 month ago

Note

mc using the boys as a rebound…I like angst plsplspls

I love u and hate u sm ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ srsly hurt myself so bad w this. not gonna feel better til i can hug zayne. i wasn't sure if u were requesting for all 4 guys at once, but i'm not the best at those yet, so i just drew 2 names for torture. i really hope it's angsty enoughh i tried ♡︎

જ⁀➴₊⊹ sylus‣you⌇zayne‣you

જ⁀➴₊⊹ 18+ sexual content. unprotected sex. p in da v. it sad i hate it

› 3,083 words

・・・・・⟢

When you walked in on Sylus kissing a woman who was definitely not you, you genuinely couldn’t believe it. His hand hovered suggestively over her lower back as she pulled him down to meet her height, their lips entwined in a moment that felt impossibly intimate. You stood frozen in the doorway, blinking rapidly, desperate to clear the shocking image from your mind. “What the fuck,” you murmured, your disbelief barely a whisper. But Sylus heard you. His head jerked up, shock and anger flaring across his face as he pushed the woman away, his words cutting through the air like ice. “Get out of my sight.”

She scurried from the room, but not before flicking you a smirk over her shoulder—a look that felt like a dagger to your heart. Sylus, for a brief moment, considered chasing after her to make her pay for her audacity. She had approached him under the pretense of discussing business at the party, but the shocking kiss had caught him off guard.

In that moment, he realized how it all appeared to you. He could see the betrayal, the hurt, in your wide eyes, and it stopped his breath. “Sylus…” you began, and he reached for you, desperation etched in his features. But you recoiled instinctively, pulling back from his outstretched hand. “Stay away from me,” you managed to say, your voice trembling with raw emotion, small yet powerful. You were surprised the words even made it out, given the pain that enveloped you like a storm. “I never want to see you again. And don’t send that damn bird to look after me either.” With that, you turned on your heel and fled, leaving him standing there—stunned and helpless, watching the door swing shut behind you.

Sylus watched you go, confusion swirling inside him. He had no idea why he didn’t chase after you. Part of him felt a simmering frustration—you always seemed so ready to expect the worst from him. “Why can’t you just trust me?” he muttered under his breath. But he let you leave.

He wouldn’t, however, heed your warning about keeping Mephisto away. The black crow, perched high above, fixed it’s red-eyed gaze on your retreating figure, a silent witness to your pain. As you raced toward Linkon City, you didn’t even have a destination in mind—just a frantic need to escape.

Tears streamed down your cheeks, blurring the world outside. The landscape whipped by, a wild mix of colors and shapes as your mind tried to process what had just unfolded. But then, a familiar sight broke through the fog of your thoughts: the bright sign of Akso Hospital loomed in the distance. You didn’t consciously remember the drive there; your feet seemed to know the way, driven by an instinctual pull. As you made your way through the halls, everything still felt like a blur. The world faded into a haze as you followed the path to Zayne’s office, moving quickly. You needed comfort, a sanctuary, from the only person in this world—besides Sylus—who could understand the storm inside you.

You barged into the office, your eyes wide and tears streaming down your cheeks. The moment Zayne saw you, he knew it had to do with Sylus—the man you chose over him just shy of a year ago.

Moving on from that breakup had been the hardest thing Zayne had ever faced. For what felt like forever, he struggled to be near you, consumed by the hurt you had caused. Desperately, you tried to console him, yearning to salvage your friendship. But Zayne was resolute. He wanted nothing to do with you or the criminal you had decided to build a life with.

Yet, you kept coming back, and little by little, the ice in Zayne’s heart began to thaw. He found himself aching for you again in a way that felt unbearable, and the days stretched endlessly without you. He longed for the days when anger was all he felt at the sight of you. That feeling was now a distant memory, easily overshadowed by the painful image of your heartbroken form before him.

In an instant, he reached for you, arms wrapping around your trembling figure. “It’s okay now, I’m here,” he murmured softly into your hair. The warmth in his voice only made you cry harder, gripping him as if he were your lifeline, burying your face in his neck. He held you close, offering a comforting embrace while you fought through the agony tearing your heart apart. His hand traced soothing circles on your back, gradually calming the storm of tears until you could speak and explain what happened.

“I know it was just a kiss, but… I really trusted him. Even when I knew I shouldn’t.” You leaned back, searching Zayne’s gaze, the weight of your words heavy between you. “I should have listened to you. I’m sorry.” At that moment, you couldn’t explain why you rose up to kiss him—was it to dull the pain or out of a desperate need to erase the hurt in his eyes? Maybe it was a mix of both, an overwhelming impulse that surged through you as you pulled him closer.

His body locked up, every part of him screaming to pull away. “The only way this ends is with your heart broken again,” echoed in his mind. Yet, he couldn’t resist the magnetic pull, pulling you closer instead, his tongue boldly exploring your mouth with a deep sigh.

He lifted you effortlessly, your legs wrapping around his waist as he locked the office door. With a gentle thud, he settled onto the couch, you straddling his lap, his hands tenderly cradling your face. His kisses were soft yet fervent, wiping away the tears on your cheeks, and then trailing down the length of your neck. You closed your eyes, letting your hands roam over the familiar expanse of Zayne’s body. But then, a wave of disgust washed over you as you realized your thoughts were drifting elsewhere.

You couldn’t help but picture another pair of arms, the warmth of another skin beneath your fingers that felt more intoxicating than anything you’d ever known. “No,” you thought, pushing Sylus from your mind. The anger you directed at yourself was palpable. Here you were with Zayne, the one whose heart you shattered when you chose Sylus, and now you were using him to mend the wounds Sylus left behind. You were a horrible person. The absolute worst kind.

But as you fought to dispel the image of Sylus, you began to embrace Zayne’s touch. His warm lips and soft sighs were like a comforting aphrodisiac, enveloping you in a gentle familiarity. Slowly, you melted against him, surrendering to the sensations that began to overwhelm you. Your heartache slipped into the background, momentarily drowned out by the rush of desire ignited by Zayne’s touch.

Your fingers danced toward the hem of his shirt, your gaze locking onto his with a silent question. With a subtle nod, he allowed you to lift the fabric over his head. As your fingers traced the scars that adorned his skin, every touch, every kiss, every flick of your tongue, exorcised pieces of Zayne’s pain. But doubt gnawed at the edges of his mind. How could this possibly end well? Wouldn’t it inevitably lead to him being hurt? Deep down, he knew that if the choice came down to him or Sylus again, you would always choose the other man. A flicker of concern about Sylus crossed his mind—wouldn’t he object to Zayne’s hands on what he deemed “his?" But that only fueled Zayne’s desperation; you were his first, and he had every right to touch you if it was what you wanted.

His hand fisted in your hair, tilting your head to the side as he kissed you, nipped at your skin, trailing his mouth down your neck. Giggling and breathless, you ground against him, completely lost in the moment. Zayne could see from the look in your eyes that Sylus had vanished from your thoughts. In that intoxicating instant, there was only Zayne again, and he reveled in it. His mouth found the low neckline of your dress, his lips working to leave a mark on your soft skin. But the moment you realized his intent, your body tensed. You pushed him away with a gasp, whispering, “No.”

A low, rumbling chuckle filled the air, sending shivers down your spine. A familiar, oppressive energy seeped into the atmosphere, tendrils of red and black mist swirling around you, pulling you away from Zayne.

Zayne remained still, a calm, yet calculated expression on his face as he braced for what was about to unfold. The glare you shot Sylus burned with malice as the mist drew you closer to him, eventually dropping you unceremoniously at his feet. Sylus met your furious gaze, surprised by the intensity; it was as if the look alone could singe his skin.

He had been watching you from the moment you left him at the party, tracking every little thing through Mephisto’s camera feed—the touches, the sighs, the pieces of yourself you had offered back to the doctor without a second thought. Unprecedented anger simmered within him as he witnessed it all. He had only shared a simple, unwanted kiss with someone. And now you were out trying to rekindle something with your ex lover? That crossed a line, even for you.

As he watched you lean into Zayne’s caress, embracing the connection meant solely for him, Sylus felt the primal urge rise within him. The moment you banished him from your mind, losing yourself in the electrifying kisses Zayne placed on your tender neck, he snapped.

“I think you’ve had enough fun for one night, sweetie,” he declared, his voice sharp and devoid of its usual warmth. It dripped with an icy detachment that sent a chill spiraling down your spine, warning you that he was not to be trifled with. Sylus reserved that tone for moments when he was truly angry, and right now, he was seething. He turned that frigid voice on Zayne, head tilted, a sharp glint sparkling in his eyes. “Do you know why she wouldn’t allow you to mark her skin?” Zayne narrowed his gaze, the answer hovering on the edge of his consciousness—a truth he couldn’t escape since that gut-wrenching ‘no’ had slipped from your lips, tangled with the fear that etched across your face.

Sylus leaned in, his words dripping with venom, his power swelling in the room once more. This time, there was no mist, no visible signs of his evol, but it was palpable, wrapping around everyone in the room. “She knows she doesn’t belong to you. Even when she hates me, even when she seeks comfort in your arms—she will always be mine.” Remember this: there won’t be a next time."

With that, you were tossed over Sylus's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. As you punched at his back, tears sprang to your eyes, fueled by the look of torment on Zayne’s face as the door to his office shut behind you. You should never have come here.

“Put me down, Sylus!” you demanded, your voice shaking with a mix of anger and desperation. He let out a sarcastic laugh, the chill of his tone cutting deeper. “It would be in your best interest to keep quiet, kitten.” Despite the icy facade, a hint of hurt laced his voice, squeezing your heart like a vice. This had all spiraled so far out of control. You shouldn’t have put him or Zayne through this turmoil.

Yet, guilt paled in comparison to the anger festering within you, the memory of him with that woman playing in vivid detail, stoking the fire of your rage. Sylus seemed to revel in your fury. He tossed you into the passenger seat and buckled you in with more force than necessary, a hint of satisfaction in his demeanor.

The car ride home was silent, tension crackling in the air. Sylus’s knuckles whitened around the steering wheel as he fought to maintain his composure. You remained quiet, the weight of your thoughts pressing down on you. Stupid, arrogant prick, you thought, dragging you out Zayne’s office like you were nothing. The anger swirled within you, refusing to let go. You threw yourself back against the seat with an irritated huff, drawing an amused glance from Sylus. “You have nothing to be angry about,” he said, his tone teasing yet laced with a dark undertone. “You'll wish you’d know that before you ran off to your precious doctor.” His words sent a shiver down your spine. “Are you forgetting that I walked in on you with her tongue down your throat?” you shot back, voice low and fierce.

Sylus just chuckled, shaking his head as he pulled into the driveway, clearly unfazed. Your anger spiked when his evol took control again. The infuriating mist wrapped around you, dragging you up the stairs and tossing you onto the bed. Cold chains locked around your wrists—chains that typically thrilled you now only filled you with dread. This was bad. You’d never seen Sylus this furious. With each passing second, anxiety gnawed at you, and by the time the door swung open, you were near trembling.

Sylus stepped in, his gaze sweeping over you with a slow, deliberate smirk. “What’s this? Do I detect a hint of remorse in you, sweetie?” he teased, voice dripping with mockery. “I’m sure it’s only because you’re worried about what I might do to you.” Your heart raced as his crimson eyes bore into yours, holding an intensity that made it hard to breathe. You swallowed hard, your wide eyes searching his for any hint of his true intentions. But before you could speak, his lips crashed against yours, and his large hands gripped your face possessively, pulling you firmly against him.

The air was charged between you, a tension that felt almost palpable. Sylus’s lips traced a path down your neck, leaving your mouth to explore the delicate skin with an intensity that made your heart race.

He paused just above the faint mark Zayne had left, his warm breath brushing against it before his lips and teeth took over. Each kiss left a deeper bruise, a testament to his need to overwrite the other man's attempted claim. When he finally pulled back for air, his expression had shifted. Gone was the anger; instead, his eyes mirrored a heartache that cut deeper than any physical wound. “She lured me into that room under the guise of discussing business for an upcoming auction,” Sylus confessed, his voice trembling slightly. “I didn’t kiss her back, nor did I want her disgusting hands on me. You have to believe me; I'd never do that to you, kitten.”

Tears filled your eyes, stinging as you absorbed the weight of his words and the raw sincerity behind them. The realization hit hard—this turmoil had all stemmed from your insecurities. “You could have let me explain myself, you know,” he murmured, voice barely above a whisper. There was a vulnerability in his eyes that made your heart ache. “I should have,” you replied, your tone gentle and full of regret. Before you could reach out for him, the chains binding you rattled loudly. In a swift motion, Sylus flicked his wrist, and they fell to the floor.

You wasted no time, cupping his face in your hands, desperate to soothe the hurt that marred his features. “I’m so sorry,” you whispered, wrapping your arms around his neck as you pulled him close. “That really hurt, kitten,” he admitted, his eyes squeezing shut as if the truth pained him more than any physical wound could. He buried his face against you, the weight of his confession hanging in the air between you. Opening up didn’t come easily to Sylus, but he needed you to understand the depth of his hurt—he wasn’t as heartless as you might have thought.

Everything inside you surged with the desire to ease his suffering, even if you couldn’t erase the hurt you’d inflicted on both him and Zayne. You guided him under you, straddling his lap, your lips finding his again. As your fingers wove through his hair, you poured all your remorse and affection into that kiss.

It was never difficult to show Sylus how much you loved him; your affection radiated from your very being. But tonight, you were determined to pour every ounce of your love into the moment. You gently guided his neck to kiss and lick every inch of him, leaving delicate marks along the way. Sylus melted under the weight of your adoration, his body going pliant as he let you head him wherever you desired.

His hands eventually found your hips, the gentle pressure of him grinding you against him setting a slow, intoxicating rhythm. You lost yourself in the softness of his beautiful lips, kissing him until they were swollen and slick, leaving him with a blissed-out expression reflected in his enchanting eyes. As he lifted his hips to let you free his length, you felt a spark of need ignite within you, the urgency to have him inside you overwhelming. Without hesitation, you aligned his thick tip with your entrance, slowly lowering yourself onto him, inch by inch. Sylus gasped, a small, breathless noise escaping him as he watched the two of you become one.

His gaze was half lidded with lust, searching yours with an intensity that left you breathless. “I love you, Sy,” was a soft murmur in his ear as you felt him crush you against him with a deep groan. It was almost impossible to keep up with his movements now; pleasure consumed you as he thrust up into you without abandon. “I love you,” you whispered, again and again, your teeth grazing the shell of his ear gently.

Sylus’s response was primal—he crushed you to him, letting out a hoarse shout as hot ropes of his essence filled you, triggering an orgasm so intense it left your body quaking and trembling as waves of bliss washed over you, leaving you both breathless and whole.

As you both came down, wrapped in each other’s arms, soft whispers of love floated between you, binding you closer together.

In the distance, the flickering light of a hospital office turned off, and a doctor began his lonely walk home, painfully aware of the passion igniting in the world beyond.

・・・・・⟢

#love and deepspace #l&ds #lnds #love and deep space #lnds smut #l&ds smut #love and deepspace smut #l&ds fic #sylus x reader #love and deepspace sylus #sylus love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #sylus x you #zayne x reader #lads smut

121 notes · View notes