#like sorry but i dont have very many free days this month and those i do have i dont feel like wasting on seeing you

[lottieurl]

my father calls just to whine on the phone that i don't have time to see him this month LIKE DECEMBER ISNT FILLED WITH HORRORS ALREADY

[melissatalks]

Hold me tighter

A/n: For this one, I did two requests (both being about comfort). I know I've been very inactive but I felt like writing :) BYE I STARTED WRITING THIS LIKE A MONTH OR TWO AGO I FINISHED THIS AT 1 AM SO DONT MIND THE SPELLING AND WRITING. PLEASE.

You're burnt out and need comfort :))

Y/n pov:

It was a Thursday night, I was coming back from work with so many emails to read and answer as a former assistant and so many essays to write as a student. Thursday was always the busiest day. The teachers would give more work so that students work hard even on the weekends and for some reason, customers reach out way more at the end of the week. I just wanted one day where I could be free. One day where I could just lay in bed holding my girlfriend all day. I couldn't even remember the last time we shared a meal. We were both very busy but it shouldn't keep us away like this. But truly, I shouldn't complain because it's simply my job.

Unfortunately, this day is only possible once I get my degree and once I can take days off again. I've always had issues with my stomach. Sometimes it would randomly start hurting. I've always been told "It's just stress" but it's still a pain in the ass to feel like you're being stabbed with every move you do and because of that, it leads to me having no more days off. I dreamt of the day I'd finally have an answer to how I can stop these cramps but it never arrived. So I would just miss an average of one day every week because I had difficulties even getting up. After that, there were also my horrible migraines that happened every two days. It was a living hell.

When I finally arrived home, I broke. I didn't think it would happen but it did. I sat in the corner of the kitchen crying for an hour until Billie arrived. I could see the shock on her face when she opened the door that led towards the kitchen and saw me curled up in a corner. I had never broken down in front of her. My immediate reaction was to try to stop crying but I couldn't. My vision was only getting blurrier from the stress of being this vulnerable with someone I love. I tried to explain myself from fear but nothing other than broken sobs came out of my throat.

"No need to talk sweetheart. I know." She whispered as she was kneeling to be at my height.

3rd pov:

Growing up in a place where you would get screamed after if you cried as someone sensitive had negative consequences on how you act and your trust towards the people you loved the most. One of those consequences being to push away some of your loved ones when they are just trying to help. But Billie knew that. She slowly got closer, with no physical touch at all, waiting for a signal that could indicate that you were comfortable with her getting closer. As time went by, she inched closer and closer, taking your hand in hers at a certain point which helped you calm down until you were calm enough and comfortable enough for her to be holding you. You stayed sitting on the floor in each other's arms for a little while just enjoying the comfort.

"Y/n?" Billie said softly, breaking the silence.

You only nodded, not finding the strength to even talk.

"Let's get you in bed okay? You're overworked baby and it kills me that you don't realize it. Gosh, can't stand seeing you this tired..." She said, this time with a more concerned tone in her voice.

She helped you get up, pulling you towards the bed. Once you got in, she joined spooning you.

"Are you comfortable..?" She whispered making sure you felt as good as possible.

"I'm so fucking sorry." You let out. "I feel like a burden Billie! I'm always the one who's late, the one finishing essays at crazy hours, I'm never there!" You exclaim, tears pricking at your eyes again, threatening to fall down on your cheeks.

"I'm holding you back Billie." You said, quietly this time.

"You know that's not true..." She answered. Her arms wrapped around your waist, holding you closer and tighter. "I love you y/n. More than anything. And if staying with you means waiting for you to finish university and get your degree then I will because I truly do love you. How about we talk about this tomorrow? I know you're tired." All you could do was let out a soft hum before falling asleep in her arms. Your girlfriend's arms. Holding you tighter and tighter than she ever did every single time.

A/n that's fucking crazy it is 12:50 am and I am tired and this ending is probably fucked

[mrs-monaghan]

I need advice, please, you never answer my asks, even though you do with tkkrs spewing lies and hate. Please, I used to love every Jikook interaction, but since a while ago, I can't do it without thinking about how 99% of the fandom are tkkrs and hate JM. I want to enjoy their moments like you do, but it hurts so much to see all the hate JM receives. Sometimes I wonder if JK is worth it...like JM would be free if he dated someone else...tkkrs only want JK to be TH's sex toy, and if JM is with someone else, at least we could enjoy Jikook even if it's them just being friends. Or JK could shut tkkrs up sometime and try to defend Jimin...I gave up on TH confirming Jennie, he's a coward and doesn't want to lose his fans (tkkrs), so he's going to keep doing fanservice namedropping JK everytime he needs it... please, what is your secret? how can I enjoy jkk again? why are there so many people that believe JK is TH's boyfriend if JM is the one he loves? really, everything is so frustrating. Poor JM, I'm tired

Maybe I dont answer your asks because you say things like "maybe Jimin should find someone else" Matter of fact, let it be known to everyone: I delete all such asks. Or any asks that sound remotely like anti JK. Jimin loves who he loves. He is head over heels for this man. Get with the programme or move the fuck on. Coz your fav aint never gonna drop JK just coz u want him to. And I personally figure that is common sense. So anytime I get an ask saying JK doesn't deserve Jimin I don't even finish reading that shit. I delete. So I'm sorry you're upset anon, but if this is how u talk everytime then that's why I have never answered u.

That being said, anon pointed out how I have time to reply to antis n tkkrs. I'm sure some of u who have sent me good Jikook asks probably wonder the same thing. Why does she reply to them but hasn't answered my ask from months ago? This is a fair question. Apart from my current situation 🤰🏽 I may not have time sometimes. And some of your asks require research. Some of your asks are so good they deserve time and thought put into them. Meanwhile insulting a piece of vermin or an anti is easy. I don't have to think when talking smack to these assholes. I don't need to research anything. Plus its very satisfying and takes 0 effort on my end. So that's why it seems like I prioritise them.

Answering a good ask and answering it properly, could take all day sometimes. As much as I love doing it, it requires a lot of time and effort. So yeah, incase any of u was frustrated about how u sent a good ask a long time ago and yet I seem to have time for antis, thats why. That, and people who send links. Those asks are easy n take no time at all.

I'm sorry guys. Really.

But anon, u asked for advice on how to enjoy Jikook moments despite the existence of tkkrs.

I will start by taking you back to this post I made when all hell broke loose that one time. It is incredibly important that people remember: your feelings are not Jimin's. This is the man who in 2018 was sent a death threat and he said that Armys were more worried about this person than he was. That he was alright and that no one should worry.

Quickly, lets pay attention to this part one more time

His fans were more concerned than he was. I do believe this to be the case 1000% right now too. You are more worried about the vermin than he is. You are more worried about Jikook antis, than he is. He doesn't care. If he cared he would pull away from JK. If he cared we wouldn't be getting a Jikook documentary. If he cared why would be continue providing Jikook content despite knowing some people will not receive it very well??? Despite knowing there are people who wanna kill him for hanging with JK?

If he cared we would be starved for moments on official content. He would keep away from JK if antis were affecting him. Period. There is no "poor Jimin." He's more than okay.

Anon, my advice is to keep this in mind. This is what I do. Jimin doesn't care, so neither do I.

So instead I laugh at them and mock them because they are just wasting their time and energy. No amount of hate and death threats are gonna stop Jimin from loving those he loves. And this is the truth.

Plus, why be concerned with people who believe members hate each other? Like in what world does that make sense?? Anon, you have seen the fuckery i share on this blog. These people are brainless and stupid. As we speak they claim that wasn't JK with Jimin in Tokyo. How can u take such people seriously??? I know I don't. I can't. For me to even consider the shit coming out of your mouth you have to make sense and tkkrs dont make any fucking sense.

So my advice, this is up to you and you only. Its is up to u to treat these people like the mental cases they are; by not taking them seriously. Report, block and move on. Go watch a happy Jimin compilation or something. If u can't take the hate, then unfollow all report pages, mute key words, stay on the clean side of twitter. Believe u me, it exists. Curate your timeline anon, it is possible. Even on twitter.

I promise you Jimin does not care. He used to but he sure as hell doesn't anymore. You remember this crucial part, and you will be able to enjoy Jikook in peace.

Plus, if you've been paying attention to JK, you will notice he doesn't feed tkkrs. He really doesn't. Not like in the past. And the dude has made it clear he doesn't like them... not even a little bit. And can u blame him? Look at you and how u feel. Now imagine JK, Jimin's boyfriend seeing this hate. Imagine how he feels. You can tell he ain't about tkkrs. Especially this year. Even they know it and so they rely on V for tkk content. (Denying them moments is the most JK can do. Interfering or trying to shut them up wouldn't work. If it didn't work with V, twice, it won't work with JK either)

This is the only advice I can give u. Hope u heed it. Because no one deserves their BTS experience taken away from them. Xoxo

[wadesprincessboy]

On the last day of pride month 2024 i would like to give some shout outs to some underrepresented yet very important parts of our community.

[warning, long text post under cut]

-intersex folks

-xenogender and xenopronoun users/identifiers

-those with conflicting identities (hello from a butchtwink thing!!!)

-aro and ace spec people (not aromantic/asexual in this case, i mean those who are, for example, greysexual, arospike, etc etc)

-non dysphoric trans folk

-trans folk who didnt figure it out until late in life (think late 30s onwards)

-otherwise queer folk who didn't figure it out until late in life

-intersex people who were coercively assigned a binary sex (im sorry and i hope youre doing well today)

-intersex people who found out late in life

-trans women taking T

-trans men taking E

-trans people who do not wish to medically transition

-trans men with bottom surgery and not top surgery

-trans men with bottom surgery in general (literally why does no one talk about phallo/metoidioplasty?)

-transwomen who have not had/do not want to have bottom surgery

-kinky queers

-vanilla queers

-elder queers (thank you for your service, we love you!)

-system queers (DID/OSDD, etc)

-high support needs/levels disabled and/or neurodivergent queers

-queers with carers!

-bisexual people with cishet partners

-young queers (im talking under 12, and yes, they exist, i was one once upon a time)

-queer therians, furries, kemonomimi etc

-queers with intellectual disabilities

-queers with down syndrome specifically (ive seen a lot of hate towards this part of our community, and I want you all to know that you are valid and loved and an important part of our community)

-queers who are unhoused

-queer sex workers (shout out to my mum 🫡)

-questioning people

-straight queer people (aspec, transhet, intersex hets, etc)

-system alters who are cishet, but have fellow alters that are LGBTQ+, and/or have a body that does not match their gender

-queer people in unsafe countries

-queer Palestinians (you are loved, and I pray for you to be safe and free in your native homeland, do not let anyone say your queer freedom must come at the price of your ethnic freedom.)

-queer religious people (especially those whos faith condemns homosexuality, and those who remain celibate for their faith. You are valid and loved. Your God(s) love you dearly and applaud your strength. I pray for you to be free from any struggles you face because of your faith/queerness)

-the queer elders we have lost to HIV/AIDS

-the queers we have lost to depression, caused by the prejudice we all face (especially elders and those in unsafe homes/countries)

-queers we have lost due to other causes (may all of the queers we have lost rest in peace, and may their memories continue to be a blessing. You will not ever be forgotten.)

-Indigenous and Black queers

-queers who are living in poverty

-queers who face prejudice from other queers

-LGBTQ+ people who do not wish to be referred to as queer

-Butches, studs, and bears, especially those of colour

-drag queens who are women

-drag kings who are men

-drag royalty in general tbh

-queer people who cannot and/or do not wish to come out

-anyone who falls into the + in LGBTQ+

-and so so many others, I have more to say but this post will continue on for centuries if I dont stop somewhere. This is not in any particular order btw! I wrote it off the top of my head and thought of people/groups as I went.

To all of the people listed above, and to those not listed, I love you. The community loves you. You are not alone. You are an important and valid part of our community and we could not be here without you. Thank you for being you and continue to live your truth and be wonderful. Much love.

[iamthat-iam]

hey Bry, i hope you’re doing good, i wanted to ask for help because im tired of this, like i dont know who else to ask ( 😔 ) could you please tell me what i'm doing wrong?  (long text ahead)

i’ve been into Non Dualism for a while, not that much tho, i was into the Law of Assumption community and i was having that point of view and the i discovered ND. I felt like i was being blessed because the main idea of Non Dualism is so freeing. I consumed all types of ND contents you can imagine, i was in every corney of the internet looking for info and different perspectives, and i was doing…. meh. I was learning but i had my up and downs but i was slowly “detaching from ego”. Then something happened i had a few problems with a class of mine and i felt like a fell from the progress that i had. I was trying to read more and more content to try to make me understand that “hey its ok”, ofc that never worked because my teacher accused me of plagiarism and the owrse part is that is true but is not bcs of bad reasons i just used AI  and wanted to make my assignments easier and my mental health was awful for me to complete them. Then i found out that my grades were low and i dont know if im going to fail, or repeat my semester, and the worse, i dont want mynparents to find out and pay for those classes. I feel awful because they’re really expensive and i just want to solve this. Believe me, im so tired of reading content and not knowing what to do. I’ve tried every “tecnique” to slowly detach from ego, but i just can’t stop thinking about these problems, they’re haunting me like crazy. I know this is just ego but, ive had so many anxiety attacks because of this like i don’t get it. I'm sorry if im sounding too demanding, im literally asking in the best way possible, what else could i do?

A lot of bloggers say “you don´t need to understand this, is your ego worrying” and others say “slowly question yourself what ego says or sees and go back to your origin” that gets me so confused and i'm exhausted. im so lost and i just want to delete everything and feel better. i know ND, is not about this, it shouldn’t make me feel like this, is just very simple. i just have too many problems like Bry i am really concerned, my mothers finances haven’t been the best and i don’t want her to pay a lor of money. I'm terrified to let go of this desire to change my grade circumstances, because I'm scared that if I do, nothing will change and everything around me will only worsen, and it feels like I've got such little time to change things. I know it might b the best to “let go” and do nothing but like, what if it stays the same. I dont even understand when people say “let it be” or i saw a girl saying “if you have a problem, dont do thing to it. ignore it and it will solve” like how??? i feel defeated and i just want to be free. im so scared to be in this position when the week ends, or by the month ends. im so lost. i feel like i only know this intellectual, but when the day passes and i say to myself “I AM” i just can’t feel it, i feel like a limited body. i give up on trying to achieve something,Ego seems so exhausting and scary and terrifying. i want to leave everything behind and be gentle with myself. what can i do? what should i do?

thank you bry if you read this fully, i really try to follow your blog and i like your kindness towards ppl. i hope u have a nice day

Im doing good ty for asking!

You have to take a leap of faith. I know it's scary to let go of control and trying to change things but if you don't, you will continue to feel like this and the problems will continue to exist. Trying to change a problem is you acknowledging that there's even a problem in the first place. Worrying about these problems are just keeping them there, because you keep acknowledging that they exist.

Your true self doesn't have problems! So when you know yourself as you really are, and are not identified with the person dealing with such and such issues, they have to go away. There's no possibility of things staying the same because everything appears and disappears based on what you are aware of.

Surrender. Just know that everything will work out in the end (because everything is already perfect).

[smileymoth]

@pikslasrce tagged me to post my top albums from this year :))

senses fail - still searching // armor for sleep - what to do when you are dead // senses fail -let it enfold you hollywood undead - hotel kalifornia // boysnightout - make yourself sick // wilbur soot - your city gave me asthma alesana - the emptiness // bedwetters - meet the f@cking bedwetters // bring me the horizon - sempiternal

do not ask me how many times i've listened to these 9 albums idon't even know myself. it's way too much though. i couldn't put all 4 boysnightout albums here so i just stayed at 1 and put it in the very middle because they altered my brain chemistry <33

senses fail gets 2 albums because i didnt spend weeks only listening to those 2 albums for no reason... their lyrics mean sm to me i want to illustrate the albums or songs one day. this goes for both senses fail and boysnightout btw. AND armor for sleep. there's something about that specific album. i realised i really enjoy albums that tell a story. and the fact that i like themes of angst love blood betrayal etc etc is no surprise either. car underwater got played way too many times

i discovered bedwetters thanks to eurovision, they were one of the options for estonia and i ofc found their old and only album (they released a new one a few weeks ago tho) (i dont know why they have 2 spotify accounts. im not asking). i even got to see them live bc they gave a free concert during summer <33333333 i got a picture with the band too !!!!! so cool

the new hollywood undead album got me back into them so im back to being obsessed. i love my silly california guys :3 i've been keeping up with them since and i desperately need to draw them again, this time without their masks!!!! im very glad that i found alesana to be sooo palatable this year because ive tried to listen to them before when i was a teenager and it just... didn't click, even if i tired. so yeah i get to fix that mistake now.

in spring i had a moment where i listened to sempiternal on repeat on the cd player for multiple days straight and in the past month i've, again, been listening to bmth and specifically sempiternal again so it gets a special place, too.

wilbur is just there because i had jubilee line stuck in my head so so so so much and also it's the best study music ever. also wilbur why is i'm sorry boris so silent. i can barely hear it it makes me angry so i always skip it. and then bc its the end of the album it gives me some lmanburg flag cover-art song that i don't like

anyway here's a special mention to these 3 albums because 1) greeley estates - caveat emptor, i just discovered it this week and i am in love. also greeley estates has been in my radar for quite some time now and i find the singers voice to be very pleasant and interesting? the tone does sth for me 2) brand new - deja entendu, for being stuck in my head for a good week because the tommy gun song wouldn't leave my head since it came on shuffle from my saved mp3 list when net was down 3) just surrender - if these streets could talk, because again i was obsessing over this for like a good week before i forgot about it. good album. not available in serbia tho for some reason

can you tell i love talking about music that i like. i know nothing about music it just makes me happy. :)

anyway i am tagging uhhhh @varteeny1234 and @complicatedsurgery and uhhh @cactusringed and uhhhh anyone else who wants + i'm not gona tag you, sly, because you only listen to alex g anyway <3

[risoria]

Dont know if that helps but there are people like me who use social media to unwind, and specifically filter out political content (i do this on tumblr in particular) because i engage in political work in my every day life. Tumblr is my stupid place to recharge. Insta is mixed. Some apps have specific purposes for me. Some of them help me stay informed but they also bring me down. People not engaging with content that they didnt follow the person for doesnt mean they dont care, if that helps. And some people are engaged in other struggles, and might not have the capacities to deal with stuff in other countries, especially if their country is not involved at all. There are many ongoing genocides and wars, meanwhile europe is shifting to the right significantly. Lots of work. Some people pick their battles. And many battles don't happen online.

thank you for your input, i value these conversations! for me personally, unfortunately they don't really help - im sorry, it's not your fault its just that we have different perspectives!

i’m the exact opposite because my previous work DID mentally destroy me completely because… no one really cared - about the suffering, and how abysmal the legislations and the actual realities were (the context is animal cruelty in the food industry but thats not the point, this goes for all politics because….. everything is politics!) - and coming to social media to unwind does help for a little WHILE, but at the end of the day i have to talk about the things weighing on me just to hear that i am not going crazy because other people feel them too… and those conversations with my small social circle and with strangers etc are more important in the long run, both for me and for our communities as a whole. You are absolutely right though that if we're being absolutely honest there are TOO many battles for any one individual to fight - so its a good thing that people do choose the ones they know the most about and that are closest to their heart. But it's also true and inescapable that people also use this as an excuse, "there's too many bad things :c" just to keep up the status quo.

I know this is different from your experience ofc! It was very kind of you to answer my ramblings btw - dont worry, i am fine now (the projects help a lot!), i’m just musing on the ironic fact that i personally dont want to post about insignificant things on my social media anymore simply because it’s too hard when they get engagement and the important posts do not. Again, i absolutely know this doesnt mean people don’t care, and sometimes people just miss posts - and also like you said, some people do their activism etc offline.

however… i’m sure you have also had the misfortune of trying to talk to anti-boycotters or rightwing politicians etc on for example twitter and thus know that shitty people exist everywhere and hearing mockery and dismissal Constantly is taxing for everyone. so when people ""choose to ignore"" things you cant actually tell if theyre just.... staying silent for whatever reason on their soc med (which is… one hell of a choice :))) and its not the right one. objectively) or if they actually don’t care at all - because how Can you know when people choose to stay silent through nine months of this?

also this is just a tangent, but there's also the fact that yes some people just do in fact simply not see the same posts on their timeline, but at the end of the day we all curate our own timelines and its Very free to look up the specific blogs you want to follow that raises awareness etc! again, this is with the assumption that you aren't an activist / work with politics or charities offline ofc, because not that many people do - i don't, for example, but my goal and dream is to start doing it but... i have to piece my brain back together first...

[fluffenough]

forfeit all mortal possessions to  the furby- aka my intro post

hey there! this is eidolon. i follow from verdict! this is my furby/toy blog. welcome! read my before you follow pls

furbies are a huge special interest, so feel free to dm me if youd like to infodump or have me infodump at you about them!

im eidolon, 24, they/them pronouns. im genderfluid and disabled.  my partner, who ive been living with for 6 years and dating for 7, is @tiedyefurb​​!

here is a photo of my recent go-to furbies from my collection

i will post photos of my furbies under the tag #my furbies as well as the name of the furby! i do reblog other peoples furbies and toys, too, but often forget to tag.

my dolls will be under the tag #my dolls and have their name, brand (if applicable). if you are creeped out by ball jointed dolls you can blacklist #bjd and #realistic doll. or if you like those, there are the tags for you!

my history and interests within the furby community

as of may 2023 im returning to the furby fandom! i joined in january 2018 and ive seen it all! that said, ive been on semi-hiatus for years so i do feel like a grandpa.

my favorite thing to do is take photographs of my furbies! especially outside or on trips!

i post sporatically as i take photoshoots, so i may post 10 + photos at once then nothing for months.... i refuse to queue im sorry in advance

im a big fan of 1998 and 2005 furbies. their designs are so lovely! i like how customizable 98s are and how interactive 05s are. i think 05s have an adorable, unique aesthetic.

i have many customized furbies but they were almost all bought pre-customized! i have done some minor customization and touch ups before, but nothing intense. ive skinned and washed furbies as well.

i have about 6 furbies awaiting customization, lol. i will for sure be sharing my experiences!

before you follow:

-i am 24 years old. i will not block minors but i am not comfortable talking one-on-one (you can comment, leave tags on my posts, send asks etc but we cant be friends! its just for my own comfort.)

-im a transgender queer disabled fucko and if you are a right-wing person youre not welcome here. and you dont want to be here! click off. block me. whatev

-TERF, truscum, neonazi, radfem, gender critical, anti social justice or anti feminism, anti self-dx (not everyone has the resources), anti-recovery. basically if you are a hateful person (ableist, racist, etc) go AWAY! lol

-dont follow if you find furbies creepy! plain and simple. (comments like “i usually find 05s scary, but this photo is really cute...” are ok! even in-jokes in good faith are ok. i just dont want to hear how much you want to kill my furby.)

-i will tag to the best of my ability, but w/ my disability i do struggle sometimes. i will always tag my own posts but reblogs can be the wild west

-please dont misgender my furbies! if you dont know their pronouns, use they/them or it/its. (feel free to ask their pronouns in dm, message, or on the post. :) this is very important to me. so please respect it!)

-i am taken and if you do not respect that you will be swiftly blocked no matter how close we are lol.

thanks for reading! im very friendly i swear i no bite

have a furbalicious day!

[wrongcaitlyn]

thoughts on i can fix him (no really i can)

sorry this isn’t abt the fic i have no more questions but your responses are so great 😭

DONT APOLOGIZE AT ALL I LOVE LOVE LOVE TALKING ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT like i honestly get worried that i talk about her too much a lot bc irl im always told i need to know how to have conversations about things OTHER than her so like knowing that y'all wanna know my opinions on these things is actually the coolest thing ever and i love it <333

first of all, i LOVE the vibes of it. i choose to try not to think about the source material of these things (i've never been the hugest fans of connecting songs to the actual artist who wrote them, idk it just feels invasive) so the entire time i was thinking abt lucy gray baird/coriolanus bc of a post that rachel zegler made months ago for tom blyth's bday with a tee-shirt that said "I can fix him" like idk i just KNEW the song was gonna be snowbaird coded AND I WAS CORRECT

the vibes seemed so cowboy like me like i was genuinely surprised?? the whole thing seemed like it was very taken out of modern society, and like, fugitive au, and i was recently just reading this 1870s small town au (had just finished it like the day before ttpd i think) and so i was SO HERE FOR THAT KIND OF VIBE

overall i just loveeeed the imagery in these lyrics. it's one of those songs where the production just matches the content so well and taylor is truly incredible at that!!

one of my FAVORITE lyrics (most def my fav of the song, possibly one of my favorites of the album was

They shake their heads sayin', "God, help her" When I tell 'em he's my man But your good Lord doesn't need to lift a finger

idk why but the way she said it, the lyrics, the "good lord doesnt need to lift a finger" like GOD it just scratched an itch in my brain so perfectly (the entire album, i felt like she was singing it perfectly, there were so many little moments where i was just like GOD THIS WAS SUNG EXACTLY AS IT NEEDED TO BE SUNG)

just reread the lyrics for this bc i wanna make a worthy response (if y'all EVER want an opinion on ANY taylor swift song or any other artist i've mentioned before like PLEASE feel free lyrical analysis is my entire life)

and like

i seriously have to stop with au ideas

bc just the mention of texas has me thinking OMG FUGITIVE NICO X COWBOY WILL SOLACE AU and im like STFU BRAIN YOU ALREADY HAVE TOO MUCH YOU'RE WORKING ON but like i mean its TEXAS

The dopamine races through his brain On a six-lane Texas highway His hand so calloused from his pistol Softly traces hearts on my face

and the way it just ends so suddenly with "woah maybe i can't" is just😭😭i cackled at that it was hilarious

conclusion: i haven't really re-listened to it bc it wasn't one of those songs that stood out to me in the first listen (i've been listening to the album on loop since it came out bc im still trying to process all the songs, but there were definitely some that i repeated over and over again bc they were my favorite). i don't really like ratings because i feel like every song has so much potential, and i just haven't understood it yet? like, particularly with taylor songs, i actually didn't like the folklore or evermore albums when i first listened to them. then when i did again, they become two of my favorite albums holding some of my favorite songs. so all i can say right now is that it isn't one of my favorites off the album, but i do love certain aspects of it!

[hiro-doodlez]

Introduction thingy because I see literally everybody else making one

HIII my name is Disc(??) and im a silly goofy little guy that doodles literally anything and everything

I have hyperfixations very often (I recently got a new speedrun record! 3 in less than a month!) So my posts will change topics a lot. (Sorry if you follow for skeletons and then get turtles)

I'm very oooo mentally illlll

My asks are always open to art suggestions (which there's a 50/50 chance I will do it but it will take me a million years) and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. So no "bro your art is SOOOOO bad. 🙄🙄🙄"

OH YEAH PRONOUNS!! Uhhhhhhhh They?????? They/she/he i guess?? (Definitely NOT cis)

Also feel free to ask about my au, anxiety ink!! I need more excuses to draw them

I'm very normal btw

Also silly ofc

(main) Fandoms/hyperfixations:

Rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles

Undertale Multiverse

Deltarune

The Owl House

My hero Academia

There's so many more but if i were to list them all we would be here ALL DAY

Steven Universe

Splatoon

Ok k.o! Let's be heroes!

Sonic

(Pssstt as of right now, April 15th, i have no set Hyperfixation so there's no specific fandom for this blog. )

TAGS!!!

(these are all tagged on this post btw)

#Discs digital art attempt (for all of the digital art which is usually better)

#Disc speaks (for all of the posts that DONT have art. I'm just spitting straight facts in those)

#discs sketchbook (for all of my goofy sketchbook shenanigans, a lot of the time they are school doodles and look horrendous, ignore it)

Disc reblogs (for.. reblogging...)

(((totally not going through a gender crisis nope totally not and also totally not testing out names like Robbie, Hero, and Kit, i would never do that(please switch them up OSHDOSK))))

(last updated: April 12th)

[separatist-apologist]

You review ": From Blood And Ash + the other books. Look. When are we going to discuss the absolute antisemitism that ribbons through these books? I guess its fine since Casteel is so hot, but lets not pretend the whole shadow elite drinking the blood of innocents for eternal youth/power isn't just repackaged blood libel because it absolutely is. Ignoring that, JLA is a bad writer with no editor pumping out book after book to bleed her fandom dry. How many 500 page books of no plot are people willing to read before they move on?

Gurl, i-. i was onep of the people kinda follow the booktok book reco back inthe day. When ut was hyoe and love all across the booktok fandom. But gurl. I WANNA BE MAD AT HOW BORING THE BOOK AND HOW I WANA SLAP BOTH ML AND FL. I was so mad by how hype the book is. I feel betray by the booktok community.

Then i give chances to the Kingdom of wicked. Like hellooo?? This book is dar below kingdom of ash. AT LEAST, i remember that cassteel is the ML,pretwnded to be a guard, climb a tree wuth the maiden FL and black hair. But this ML in KoW?? I remember nothing of the guy. He so bland,no spice at all,all salt and thats is that. But I did remember he had a good body. The rest? Wth am I reading? Is this a fever or what? I dont even remember whathappen in that book. But i know the FL hs twin and FL grandma sounded fun to have in holiday and her cook can solve world hunger

How the hell tiktok love this book. Half of the booktok reco is a scam. Now, the only reco i take from booktok is non fic or anything not YA,fantasy and romance

I think my issues fall into two categories: is it bad technically (craft/pacing/writing/etc etc) but not harmful

Or is it bad (all the same) AND harmful. I have a rant, I'll put it under the cut

So like- who cares really if someone likes garbage? I like garbage too, we all rummage through the trash and pick our faves and while it's not for me and I don't like a lot of it, I don't begrudge people who do. Kingdom of the Wicked is here. It's boring, it's got a plot that never made sense and it's clear the author didn't have a plan when she went in. Whether she wanted to write her books as quickly as she did or was pressured, I think the constant pumping out books for consumption like it's television seasons diminishes the quality. I would guess publishers are riding author's hard to write faster in order to captialize on hype because it makes them money.

I also think the way a LOT of self-published author's write like they're publishing to AO3 is part of the problem. So like- leaving me a rude review is mean because I'm doing this for free and it's a hobby but author's ask you to consume their work, often for money and its disrespectful when they don't, for example, hire an editor to catch their mistakes and then turn around and make people feel bad for leaving poor reviews or send their followings after reviewers for pointing out the lack of quality and consistency.

Those things are, in my opinion, bad and I dislike it's usually white mediocrity being put on this pedestal over and over when there are very well written, GOOD stories by poc author's that are ignored in favor of another mid story of a dark haired abuser and a spineless sassy LI.

But then there are bad books that are also harmful and that's where I don't feel so nice and I AM judging people like. Very hard. ESPECIALLY when it comes to the blood libel because Jesus goddamn Christ it's like every 4 months it's another author saying "oopsie I accidentally put antisemitism in my book" like look at the Haunting Adeline author. At least she's sorry but it's really exhausting AND highlights what a good editor could catch if they had any respect for their readers.

JLA is offensive in my opinion because she doesn't care so long as people keep buying her padded books. She'll keep churning out books and if you say "you know maybe it's okay to be critical of what you consume, even if it's just for fun" you get railroaded with people saying you have internalized misogyny and can't stand to see women enjoy themselves. I personally support women's wrongs EXCEPT when they're perpetuating hateful centuries old conspiracy theories that have gotten people killed and are still spewed on Twitter by, for example, Kanye West.

And the fact that so many of these author's rush to write whats in their heart and what's in their heart too often is racism is a conversation I feel like booktok isn't interested in having and so people still uphold Haunting Adeline when it never deserved the hype (but at least the author said sorry I guess, and reworked her issues) and will say they don't notice the antisemitism in FBAA (lucky them) and they're just trying to have fun without ever considering whose expense they're having fun at or like. How the self-publishing model COULD disrupt who we make popular if people could move away from the same four tropes strung together by shreddable plot and a dark haired man with tattoos.

[hwanswerland]

bro we dont even get pop up stores, literally they give us nothing not compared to all their wanteez stuff generally being filmed in korea and the usa like most groups they leave so many places out and it just sucks bc how else am i supposed to really "support" them?

they went to japan festival then next month they go to waterbomb or something in LA and mf germany, even the german bastards get more than we ever have from any group, its so ridiculous. and actually if all im paying for is a literal cold hard seat then the groups arent really worthy of the attention theyd get from coming here imho and ateez should be worth much more than what they dont give us.

they go to london two days have two or three day rest either in london or not then like one day they come up here do nothing but perform and rehearse. bro 5sos gave us so much more than that, i met them once got many pictures with luke callum and ashton bar michael cause he had anxiety. got my mf drumsticks signed by ashton irwin who was and still is my fave. i went to many small venues on their different tours whenever they released something new and i think they actually really enjoyed coming further than other groups bothered too. my problme is pop acts go mainstream then everything gets more expsnsive and they do another tour and things double in price.

i feel like £114 isnt bad for london second day show but u arent getting any add on extras no free gift no picture with them no send off. its just an empty experience and thats why im so torn between buying ticket knowing they may or may not come back. but feels like a waste to me bc i dont get nothing added to it im literaly paying just to have a mf seat there and quite often u have to stand up the whole mf time caus everyone got they phones out everyone taller than me anyway. thats why sitting upfront does nothing for me so i might as well get a ticket that at least i can just be there and get out with some ease.

idk where you're from or think I'm from but just to clarify I'm one of them german bastards 😭😭

I'm happy that you had such a positive experience with 5sos! But otherwise I don't really agree with what you're saying, I'm sorry. As I said in my rant post, I go to see an artist to see them perform their art live. In ateez case that being singing/dancing/performing their songs/dances. Everything else is a bonus, like free gifts. Like idk what you expect to get from a concert ahsgs but I wouldn't call being present and listening/watching their performance a waste or an empty experience? Like. It's a business transaction, they get paid and I get an amazing evening. I'm not entitled to anything else. (unless of course I pay more money, which then makes me entitled to a closer view/gifts/whatever, but then we're back at fucking capitalism and commodifying and objectifying them)

as @applejongho said in the replies of my post, there's a special relationship between kpop artists and their fans -> "so much of why I think ticket prices are so high when compared to other non kpop artists is bc of those unique fan-artist relationships. they tell u they love u and u can collect all these photocards and they always talk about their fanbase and it makes u feel like u made them into their fame. so you'll pay anything to see them (or buy whatever other stuff the company puts out) and to also prove to others that you're the best fan". and of course that's a very deliberate (and smart) business decision, but it STILL doesn't actually mean they owe us anything, be that free gifts or longer stops in our countries or fan interactions

[armslikeanchors]

september finally comes to an end

just like the end of every month, it comes with a moment of reflection for me

here come a lot of things i have to say. sorry.

september was eventful to say the least

new people in my life and new goals

new places and new music

though, lots of quiet hardships

i try not to let it show, though

anyway

here comes october

my favorite month for a myriad of reasons

except for the 25th, which wouldve been the day my ex and i would hit our 3 year mark. its silly i keep talking about these things but 2 and a half years doesnt dissipate from your mind so easily

hopefully im not affected by it but i hope at least one of my friends is free to help distract me and have a busy day

october is held very dear to my heart

a little silly but if i dont get approached i think this will be the last month i will let the idea of a relationship run through my mind

i look for something sweet and fun and someone i can cherish stupid little things with. id love to share music and buy someone gifts. although im a bit afraid of indulging in that again. id rather not regret. maybe i’ll meet someone who will teach me how to enjoy these things again. if this month doesn’t bring that to me though, thats okay !! i will have better things to focus on for the rest of the year (and however many more months) and i will just let myself be free of it. i feel i will take october’s lessons as a sign, just like always.

anyways, im most excited for the weather (which is my absolute favorite part of the month)

gloomy, rainy days aren’t usually seen as something to look forward to or something to put someone in a good mood but its those days where i find myself most at peace

i dont see the gloom; i see the plants flourish and the way the sun comes back to peek through the clouds the next day or so to remind me that shade isnt forever

i take these days to set a chair out in the driveway under the extended roof of our house

and put on my headphones and reflect, or not

it really depends

but i take in how nice the breeze feels on my face

and i watch cars avoid the puddles, as not to make a mess. its almost poetic in a way

im excited for carnivals and pumpkin patches, ive never gotten the chance to actually go to one. i was promised so, but unfortunately it didnt stick

im especially excited to bake for friends and surprise them with whatever i make:) i dont talk about it much but ive learned how food can bring people together. ive missed out for a while but im glad im learning

i hope i can convince at least one person to do matching costumes, i think thatd be fun. (honestly im just really bad at ideas and matching is easier)

anyway

my band might play a show and its both really really exciting because im making my dreams come true

but im also absolutely terrified

im sure itll go great, anxiety just gets the best of me. im always at a constant battle with it and hopefully this music thing really breaks me out of my shell and shows my mind that its not all so bad

october has always brought me both the best and the worst memories of my life

which might make one wonder why i choose it to be my favorite month

and the reason is exactly that

its eventful. maybe not in the best way every time, but i always learn a lot

i grow a lot

i hope it treats me well

teaches me lessons; brings newfound appreciation

i hope i can go out of state at least once or twice

that would be nice

of course every day forward is entirely unpredictable

but i can only hope for the best

and if i dont get that

ive at least finally learned to pick myself back up

[axesilly]

i cant afford therapy so im going to talk about my troubles on here because i dont know what else to do 👍 i dont know if this will reach anyone but it might make me feel better. sorry if its a bit lengthy, ive had these feelings for a while

for the sake of anonymity and my own safety i will not be mentioning any names of people, towns, or schools :]

so im in college, im an art major. im from a small town with nothing to do except go to a mall the next town over and im going to college in another small town 5 hours away from home. this small town also has jack shit to do unless you drive 45 minute to an hour away. im currently in my spring semester of my freshman year and i have gotten so absolutely mentally and physically drained since i got a fast food job. i got a job making pizzas at yknow one of those big chain corporations pizza places, and the store i work at has only been open a few months. its absolutely chaotic and no one knows how to do anything except a few select people. my boss, the general manager, also doesnt know how to do anything because its his first time doing something like this. one of the other managers also only works there because hes friends with the general manager and he is not the greatest person, as he tends to sexually harrass the staff including a friend i made there. now ive already put in my two weeks last saturday, but that doesnt take away from how drained this job has made me.

Since the spring semester started ive been constantly piled with work (one week i was scheduled 6 days in a row when i had a big project to work on, i had a breakdown at work to my general manager), writing assignments, and project after project. (not even kidding my drawing professor gives us a new project the same day we turn one in) in my senior year of high school i loved fine arts and i believed that i wanted to follow in my art teachers footsteps and pursue my love of art and make art for my career. and while i do still love fine arts and making art, i just cannot do this constantly. since just before my spring break i started not going to my classes as consistently and i swore to myself i would start going again after the break. well that break just made it worse it seems because everything has just gone more and more downhill. i have still been missing classes because some days its difficult to get out of bed and i do not have the motivation to go to class just to sit there and not be able to pay attention for an hour/hour and a half. im behind on a project for one of my classes because i havent gone since ive been back from spring break (two weeks). i have an exam for one of my classes soon and im not even close to prepared. i had a 3 page essay due last night i started but havent finished (luckily i can turn it in a little late). it may sound lazy but these are my real struggles with my mental health. i feel trapped here. i do have a license and a car, i do have transportation so i can go places, but its such an old car it has so many problems (one which has arisen recently being if i stop somewhere and turn my car off, it wont crank back up immediately and i have to wait 10-15 minutes, and once it is on i have to revv it to make sure it stays on). so because of car problems and currently living in a small town im frustrated because it feels like i cant go anywhere to do anything fun. i feel trapped in my dorm and in my mind.

now comes the college problem. the college i go to currently is a nice school, i get 8 meals a week on my meal plan included in my tuition. theres several places to choose from the eat at, theres a gym, free health exams i think. but its driving me insane seeing the same old brick buildings every damn day. i currently dont have a roommate so im in a dorm by myself which probably contributes to this feeling of lonliness. i dont really have many friends, i had more last semester but they did not keep in touch. i do have one friend that i appreciate very much and she always worries and wants to help when she sees im upset. shes a real one. but seeing the same things, learning about the same repetitive lessons every single day, has driven me insane. my art history class has been the same topics since the start of the semester, its all been about works of art pertaining to jesus, and mary, and god and the angel telling mary shes pregnant and marys purity and this symbolizing that and i understand why its important to learn about these works of art and how they have shaped art today, but i cannot stand hearing the same things over and over. im not a christian, and i dont believe theres anything wrong with christianity as long as youre not hurting anyone with your beliefs, but these topics are so repetitive ever class i have. the semesters almost over and we havent even gotten to modern art yet, and in my opinion thats what truly matters to learn about because thats what we as artists would need to look at to have a reference for how we should make our art right? art is about expressing yourself and we need to see how others making art in the modern era are expressing themselves as well. and on the topic of expressing ourselves, my drawing class, every single project, my professor has us stick to such strict criteria. one of my projects my professor actually really liked, i liked, but she took points off because i had my girlfriends name written very small where you could barely even see, because we were not supposed to have any text. i feel like i cannot even be creative and truly express myself with these projects. i dont feel like i have any real freedom with them. i love fine arts and i love making art, but not when its like this. i want to be able to make my own art that actually expresses my feelings, not someone elses criteria. because of all of this my grades have been rapidly dropping.

now i have already made the decision weeks ago that i will not be returning to this school in the next fall semester. i discussed this with my mom already as she does the majority of my paperwork and things for this stuff. she wants me to transfer to a college closer to home so i can atleast get a general studies degree. but thats not what i want to do either. she told me not to flunk my classes this semester because that will make it difficult to transfer me to another school, but how do you expect me to get good grades when i constantly feel like im in hell in my mind. i mentioned wanting to maybe take a gap year, she doesnt want me to do that. school is horrible for my mental health like this, i dont understand why society thinks we should just have everything we want to do with the rest of our life figured out immediately out of high school. well i dont. and i dont want to stay in college immediately out of high school. i want to go live my life! me and my girlfriend are long distance (we have met in person several times and shes actually coming to visit me this month, but just seeing each other for a week at a time is not enough) and i really want to go live with her! i want to enjoy living and living with the person i love more than life itself! i currently dont feel like i can do that here or back home. i want to move somewhere else with my girlfriend so we can both be happy and love life. i want to move out of state to a slightly bigger city, nothing crazy like new york or atlanta, but just somewhere bigger than a small town with nothing to do whatsoever. i do have a place in mind but im not going to say where. and when i move, after a year i can qualify for in state tuition and pursue something that makes me happier. ive always loved animals and marine animals so i was thinking i could major in zoology and marine biology and work at an aquarium or something while im working on my degree. and i dont fully know how the paperwork and things work for transferring and such, especially after a break, so i could be in the wrong, but is it really wrong for wanting the best for myself?

and to be honest with myself i know exactly why im in college and its not to get a degree. i was raised constantly being compared to my siblings. my brother is trans (which my parents are very obviously not too fond of) dropped out of college and joined the military. my sister dropped out of college after a semester, got married to a horrible man who she just recently divorced after having two children with him. and being compared to them all my life, especially to my brother, made me want to be better than them. i wanted to be the one, as the youngest, to be the first one to get through college immediately, all four years, no problem. but its just too much for me. and dropping out, moving away, im terrified. im terrified that my parents will be disappointed in me. im terrified of that face my mother makes, that tone of voice, when shes disappointed in me for something. im terrified of getting lectured and told why everything i want is wrong. its irrational. and im terified if i move away i wont have her support anymore. i wont have her to lean on when i need help with something. i was never taught where to go or how to do stuff for applying to colleges and transferring. i barely know how to do my taxes.

now i really dont know what this article-like rant of a tumblr post is gonna do. i know i dont really have a following and i dont really post on here. but i just thought itd make me feel better to collect my thoughts and put them all together like this. so far the only people concerned about me have been my girlfriend and a couple of my friends ive told about these problems. not even my professors are concerned about me, i havent even gotten a single email or question about how im doing. they say theyre all for mental health but when a student stops coming to class as often suddenly and starts failing or not turning in assignments its none of their business and i must just be getting lazy and im a horrible student yknow? anyways i think thats about it for this. again i dont really know what this will do but i hope someone has advice or support or something. im going insane here.

love to anyone else suffering similar struggles <3

[homonculos]

sorry to longpost complain. aita at my workplace (i kno im not im j mad)

my boss is so fucking annoying.... i had an informal performance review with him yesterday and here's how it went:

boss: how do you think youre doing?

me: um ok i think? im still getting my feet under me but im enjoying it so far [been abt 2 months since i started]

boss: yea youre doing a great job. so uh what happened w the car break in? [company property was stolen in the process]

[i explain the story; expressly indicate that i want to make it right, including fulfilling a clause in the equipment policy that says the $ to buy new equipment can be taken out of my next paycheck. boss is incredulous; says that is likely not necessary. im relieved.]

boss: so it seems like youre having trouble with [z], so i sent you some ideas.

me: i saw that email, looks great. ill take a look at those in the coming weeks. also, here's a long list of ideas that i got from a different meeting this morning.

boss: oh, looks great. ok. any other questions for me?

me: um not really. i guess i'd ask, do you want me to focus more on X or Y? [the long list of ideas i brought to meeting are all X-related]

boss: uh well i guess both when you can. we haven't had much X lately since i started running this operation, so that's welcome. feel free to work on things i cover as well [his stuff is mostly Y].

me: ok, ill start looking into Y and X things as they come around. another question, is 3 projects/week still an ok productivity level for you?

boss: uh i dont know where you got that idea. 5/week is what we all aim for. that shouldnt be a problem for you since you did 3 projects/day at your last job.

me: oh ok, ill start doing more.

boss: yea i dont know where you got that idea. i help out where i can [meaning he writes a couple 6 sentence paragraphs/week and calls those complete projects] but everyone does 5/week. that shouldnt be a problem for you.

me: its not a problem! i just didnt know. ill start aiming for that.

EPILOGUE

i turned in a project later that afternoon. the project in question follows a very contentious, months-long event that has disrupted the community our org works with and resulted in two major leadership changes. no response from boss when i notify him.

at 7pm boss replies to me:

[paraphrasing] "i appreciate you researching this and handing in a complete project, but it could have just been a 6 sentence paragraph." [end paraphrase]"

8:45 am this morning, unprompted: (direct quote, excluding brackets for privacy)

"not sure where you heard 3 [projects] a week. Even [colleague 1] does that many and he edits 2 days a week. He sometimes does 5. [colleague 2] and [colleague 3] both do 5-10 [projects] a week. Anyway, since you did 3 [projects] a day at your last job I don't think that should be a problem for you. It's really easy to do a project in 8 hours. In fact most [projects] we do should take half that time. Even long and complicated [projects] shouldn't take longer than 2-3 days."

is it just me or was this not a problem until I BROUGHT IT UP.... like u have every right to be mad at me if i wasnt doing something u wanted me to do. but you have to TELL ME TO DO IT FIRST!!!!

also we already talked about this in person??? why are you repeating yourself and chastising me???

fucking boomers man. this guy retires at the end of the year fortunately but its really annoying to deal with him. it's been problems ever since the beginning too.

and as an addendum, i have a friend who is fighting for their dreams to get into grad school right now, and im so proud and so so so jealous. and they love their job right now too! its renewing their interest in our shared field! im so happy for them but im so bitter that i made a life-changing choice a year ago and its turning out like this. i should journal! i need to journal ack

[angelicpersonals]

Keeping up with friends

I don't do Every day talking unless you are VERY specific friends I have known for literal years. And thats only because I know they will give me breathing room, respectful if I dont respond snappy and am slow, are interested in what im up to rather than being like "yo heres some memes" so we can talk about smth im currently into. I dont mind the random meme dumps dont get me wrong. By all means go ahead. I will do it or video dumps back to let you know im thinking of you. But dont get mad if I dont have much to say.

If you want to chat, come to me with a topic. Just like if I want to chat I come to you. Now I will be more likely to chat in a GROUP than one on one because I might want to talk about the same topic with multiple people. I dont DO individual DMs very often. even those I talk to every day are in mini group dms. Individual dms are for privacy in case of emergency or for those who despise groups.

It takes a LOT of spoons, a lot of energy to keep up multiple private chats and I need people to understand that.

I have so much going on in my life, so many people and situations to deal with, so many creative projects on my plate. That I only have maybe 3 - 5 days per month where im free to interact with friends. I have 52 friends at this point. Do you see the problem here? Individual DMs / chats are not feasible when I have this much to manage.

"But you're on xyz game" I multi task, if im on a game its literally to manage my sanity. I garuntee you that its mostly just sitting in the background looking pretty rather than being played unless im eating at the same time taking a food break.

"But you are posting screenshots of-" Yes, but that can be screenshots from those small peaceful moments of the day, previous days, or I've shut down and finally taken a break bc I got too stressed. "But if you can play games why not talk to me instead" Listen, I dont want to be a b*tch but let me be blunt an honest

Chatting stresses me out, people stress me out, it expends energy to chat. More so if I have other things on my plate at the time. Im not trying to be rude or ignore you. However I live with 3 people who watch everything I do constantly and are always trying to interact with me. I have 0 privacy, rarely have time to myself because when its not my family. its my friends because I have to micromanage so much in my life and have responsibilities piled on my shoulders a mile high.

"but you dont work / are disabled" I'm aware of that. However I have to help take care of my older siblings. I have to take care of my friends, I have to deal with every friend fight or emergency. All the while dealing with anxiety and depression of my own on a daily basis. Feeling lonely and isolated which im sorry simping over astarions a** with you does not fill that void. So before im asked no chatting online will not help with that when im surrounded by stress. responsibilities and a lack of affection IRL. I am literally an unpaid faux therapist and unpaid replacement mother for almost all my friends and for my own family. Yet im the youngest. and all of this is while I have to manage deal with and dodge around PTSD triggers and even epilepsy triggers every day and deal with chronic pains and illnesses. I'm not trying to be a b*tch but reality is. if you want an always there for fun times readily available friend.

Im not for you. I can't be, my circumstances and body literally will not allow me to be. I will be there for an emergency or issue in a heartbeat don't get me wrong. But I might only talk to most people once a month unless we're in group chats.