#like she told me that she was upset that i didnt tell her i was gay sooner
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
In 2020, 27% of US Tumblr users had an annual household income of over $100,000.
Text
Hate thissss I feel like I haven't been properly productive today (somehow posting two art things Doesn't register properly in my mind) so I wanna stay up to get as much as I can down, but I also need to go to sleep in case I'm called in tomorrow because fuuuuuck going to work on little sleep that shit sucks. But also, the possibility of being called in makes me wanna stay up even more, so I can finish art in case I don't have time tomorrow. So now I'm sat up at 12:30 tired as shit but unable to draw or go to bed. The never-ending cycle of hell.
#ramblings#i wish they had someone else to call in on short notice. i dont hate coming in extra but i hate getting a text at like 7:10 when kennel#hours in the morning start 7:30. i knowww i should probably set a boundary but like. fuck#and you know what i wish my parents bothered to fucking understand how frustrating it is being called in so frequently#my mom specifically. i bring stuff with work up and its like a broken record. `if you go in all the time youll be seen as reliable!`#when i was talking about getting a day off to see my brothers marching last weekend she was like#`see what did i tell you? you make yourself reliable and theyll let you take off what you need` talking like i just asked for it off#after it had already been scheduled. girl i had to ask people to cover me still. i just#i hate it. i havent told her i told them i didnt wanna work clinic hours because she'd drill me about why#its just frustrating !! and when i say my genuine feelings its like she needs to correct me. like im thinking wrong.#this is why i had to fucking snap before setting the boundary of not covering clinic hours. because its always#`do what they ask every time because youll seem reliable` from my mom no matter fucking what. and then i already have issues#setting boundaries in general because i dont want to upset others or make them mad at me#ok sorry this has turned into. a wholeass vent. im just. at my wits end can you tell?#at this rate im really just getting nothing done. im going to bed#dont worry about me ill be fine. i just need to let it out and this is kinda my only outlet rn
8 notes
·
View notes
Note
Absolutely firehose blasting good vibes your way cheye!!! So happy and proud of you for pursuing the life you want even though it's hard. Manifesting cheysperity (cheye prosperity)
thank u! when me and my dad were breaking the news to my mom even he was telling her that he isn't thrilled about it either, but I've had so little Say over my life, all my life, that this needs to be something I can choose for myself for once...now I jst hope it actually all goes thru + happens ^_^
#🧿🧿🧿#skunk mail#Anonymous#i mean its more obvious what it is now i jst feel weird saying it outright bc i get nervous anyway#a few weeks ago i posted about hoping smthng happened bc the resulting turmoil wld be really funny in a universe lining up way#and it Did. so we had to tell my mom about it like one week before we go to my cousin's (my age) baby shower lmfao#ive never Upset my mom so i didnt know what to expect but she's fine now she just sulked and cried a bit day of#(unlike my dad who gives me week long silent treatment when he's mad)#i wonder though if she'll get riled up once the date of procedure comes closer since itll be rly Soon if it all goes well#hmmm lets see what else#i think i may have gotten to her bc i told her i cant even consider relationships if my body still has the ability to do All That#that if i do change my mind in the future (i wont) there is no shortage of single parents. ever.#and that the mere Hope of being able to go thru with this procedure has actually made me more open to bonding with my nephews#now that I know she won't be able to use those interactions as a weapon against my decisions ykwim
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
what's the word for a best friend but like the kind that drains all your energy if you have to interact with them
#just got off the phone w my bsf of 5+ years and its like#you get me like no one else but idek who u are anymore and this relationship doesnt really serve me anymore#but thats not a reason to throw out 5+ years of just getting each other and that special connection we have#idk#phone call totally drained me and now im laying here upset like she said smth to me otp to hurt my feelings#she said smth to me the other day that triggered my ed#she thinks shes the only one with issues like im glad you can joke about your eating disorder but like bear in mind that i ALSO have one!#which you know about because it was something we bonded over when we met#and you dont know how my eating disorder is going because you dont listen when i talk. so i have stopped talking.#but it isnt going great! and when you brag about how skinny you are because of this or that#and complain about how you genuinely hate people who “lack the self control to be anorexic”#that harms me mentally#and you dont care because you arent joking#i recently got my christmas gift from her#which took a while to get me because she ordered it on christmas eve. and then kept forgetting to give it to me once it arrived#but she literally used the gift that she bought me and told me when she gave it to me like huh !!!#and i wasnt even upset about this when she told me because if she had asked i would have let her#but i told my mom and sister and they were soooo mad. and then i was like wait maybe thats weird#like i can understand that what she did was socially unacceptable but i didnt mind because it was her yk like thats my bsf. but now im upse#AND THE OTHER DAY i told her i dont read much fanfiction and she was like#well thats because you arent autistic so u dont know what its-#-like to be consumed by an interest/hyperfixation and have to consume every form of media associated with it#like YES I DO !!! all of my friends autistic or not think im autistic except for her#its this weird dynamic in her head where im the token neurotypical to her token autistic like idk if she just likes being the only autistic#but i feel like im so clearly autistic because idk how to mask. not that im trying to make this a “whos more autistic” contest but like#i think she likes being the manic pixie autistic chick and its so weird but im not diagnosed so im not gonna go to bat on that one w her#whenever i tell my roommate about things my bsf does my roommate is always like “im scared of her” or “real friends dont act like that”#and its always a reality check because i dont think twice when she treats me like that#but the people in my life are starting to hate her lowkey....#my mom was deadass like wow i dont think shes a good friend
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Karlach refuses to talk to me or join my party becsuse of what happened in The Grove (I couldn't convince Kagha to not kick the tieflings out so I killed her and then the other druids started killing all the other tieflings. I stopped them as soon as I could but um yeah most died) and if you look up anything about Karlach not wanting to befriend you because of whatever happened in The Grove people online call it "The Evil Route"...
MY CHARACTER ISN'T EVIL!!!! SHE'S DOING HER BEST!!! SHE'S THE HERO!!!!!!!! PLEASE IT WAS AN ACCIDENT
#UGH OUGH I SWEAR IM NOT EVIL... but um#my first playthrough... the bad guys wanted me to kill Karlach and bring them her head and since she wouldn't talk to me all I knew was that#she was killing so many people and they were terrified of her and Wyll also wanted to kill her so um. i did it#but my partner told me the truth about whats actually going on and i was so upset so i loaded an old save and killed them instead.#i actually got a dialogue option that was like “Karlach says you're the bad guys” which. no she didnt because she wont talk to me but#i just said it anyway and decided my character was just bluffing or something and that made the bad guys tell the truth#she still didn't want to talk to me tho :(#im SORRY KARLACH#baldur's gate 3#bg3#baldurs gate 3#bg3 spoilers#baldur's gate 3 spoilers#bg3 karlach#baldur's gate 3 karlach#txt
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
working with children really will make you examine your thought processes and emotional reactions like nothing else. I've found myself being so much more thoughtful in my daily life about how I respond to my emotions and environment, as well as the reasoning behind why others behave the way they do
#yesterday i got really frustrated and overwhelmed at one point because this one little girl keeps getting really upset when she cant help me#like shell ask to help and i wont have a task (or ive run out bc shes already helped) shes capable of so i tell her that#and thank her for being thoughtful and helpful. admittedly the first time this happened i was really frustrated w her already#bc she had made a huge mess doing something i told her not to do and then didnt want to clean it up and she only came back#and asked to help because her friend had been helping me. so i was like girl. you didnt even clean up the last mess#but i also had nothing for her to do. anyway she started screaming and hid under a table so then her friend did it sith her just. because.#idk kids will see their friend freaking out and they do it too. and i understand it but my god. i dont deal well with really loud noise#and she did it again yesterday. i let her help me and then i ran out of tasks and she started crying and saying i never let her help#and for some reason there were like 6 other kids in there all wanting to help so then several of them started freaking out#and i could not handle it. i literally told my coworker like im about to cry right now lmao#and later the little girl was like wanting to hug me and talk to me and acting like nothing happened and i found myself wanting to withdraw#like i was feeling like i wanted to avoid her and not speak to her or be cold but i also knew i didnt want to treat her that way#and i took a couple minutes by myself and thought about why i felt that way‚ what the effects of that would be‚ and how the kid felt#and i really just had to remind myself that she was feeling just as many emotions as i was but that shes only had 6 years#to learn how to manage them and deal with them in a productive way. she wasnt trying to upset me. she wasnt trying to make me mad#she was just dealing with her emotions in the only way she knew how. and im an adult and if she can get over it i really need to get over it#long ass tag story sorry
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
doctor is upset that i havent talked to a patient yet (that i was told multiple times only speaks arabic and needs someone to translate for her) bc he "she speaks english well enough" (i tried to talk to her in german and she only understood a minimal amount and also didnt tell me that she speaks fucking english) so i have to talk to her RIGHT AWAY
okay question, bro, .... why havent you asked her about her care situation yet if it's so fucking easy to talk to her huh
#like getting upset that i didnt know information that i wasnt given and getting upset that it's taken so long.... l#like... you talk to her every day why not ask her yourself then???#and then givebme some more info and i can still go talk to her to figure out the details#0% initiative#also she gets visitors wvery day and i told the station to either tell me when they're there or to make them leave their phone numbers#but they havent done that either in over a week#it's not like i can stake out one patient's room the whole day in hopes of catching a visitor to translate for me#(as i said i didnt know she spoke english and the nurses apparently didnt either otherwise communication wouldnt have been as difficult????#he also had some other demands which were like... bro it's not that easy#no matter how much you need that patient gone it's not gonna get easier#also you're not my boss anyway so 🤷 i know thats hard to wrap your head around
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
girl this is so annoying i hate how much these interviews prioritize parents.she wont stop lying abt meee
#I DIDNT STOP TALKING TO MY ELEMENTARY BESTIE BC I DIDNT CARE#I DIDNT RECOGNIZE HER N SHE NEVER TOLD ME HI AFTER NOTICING I WAS THERE IT WASNT ME!!!!!#STOP MAKING ME SOUND BADDD#WDYM I NEVER WANNA TELL ANYBODY I HAVE SIBLINGS GIRL YOURE THE ONE THAT NEVER LET ME SEE THEM???#MEAN TO ME LYING ABT ME!!!!!#analiceoriginal.txt#its been like an hour release me!!! RELEASE MEEEEE!!!!!!#SHE TURNED MY WIFI OFF I CANT DO ANYTHING BUT YAP IN THE TAGS#LET ME GOOOOOOO#BITCH YOU DIDNT ASK TO GIVE MY TOYS AWAY YOU GAVE THEM WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL#I CANT PLAY W MY DOLLS ANYMORE BC YOU PUT THEM AWAY WITHOUT ASKING ME N DONT LET TOUCH THEM!!! THIS IS UNFAIR#BIASED INTERVIEW IM BEING LIED ABT THIS IS SLANDER HARASSMENT MOCKERY OF MY IMAGE#girl i attacked a kid w a pencil dont you separate me from the 'weird violent ones' thats me bitch!!! THATS ME!!!!!! SLANDER!!!!!!!!#STOP MAKING ME SOUND LAMEEE I CANT READDDDDD STOP LYINGGGGGGG#ok she gave me more candy ill behave.#its pineapple btw :3#i wanna go home man.gonna have to correct sm stuff when its my turn.imagine.me being good at reading.in what world.#i love she claimed i dont care abt clothes n right after said my style isnt 'appropriate' bc she doesnt like my clothing style#its almost like i dont care bc I DONT LIKE ANYTHING I OWN!!! N YOU DONT EVEN LET ME PICK ANYTHING OUT!!!!!#THIS INTERVIEW IS SO UNFAIR STOP LYING ABT ME STOP ITTTTTT#GOD DONT MENTION THAT ONE ARTS CLASS.SHUT UP GOD!!!!!!#i wanna go home im actually upset i dont wanna hear abt this#ughhhhhh this suckssss horrible accompaniment never come w me again.
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle
#I��m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER#I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family#I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get#home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep#she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM#and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late#she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘#BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon#(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to)#and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’#and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them#and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’#but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side#I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY#never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me#IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough#but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later#cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be#there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them#I’m going to scream I’m going to cry#if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them#but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave#FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL#and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother#I KNOW she did this on purpose#I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long#(again… because of work… something I can’t control)#so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position#where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then#or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
I swear to God my brain tries to pull me in a thousand directions at once and it always looks like I'm just standing there ignoring people.
#meow.#'When you see a customer you Have to ask if they need something!'#Correct!! i know that!!!#But I was going to clock out when you asked me to do one more thing for you!#i was trying to leave after doing that thing so you dont get chastised for me not taking a lunch break after 6 hours!!!#But then my coworker had to take a cake to a customer and i wanted to stay out of her way! so she wouldnt drop it!#I was trying to stay out of the way!#i helped people today I did I helped 2 customers today i just didnt want to get in the way and ruin a cake or get you in trouble!!!#Hell i was just about to go get you to help a deli customer when you came down to tell us someone had a cake to p#*to pick up#But then i saw you heading to the bakery and heard you mention a cake and!!!! i wanted to stay out the way!!!#its stupid how upset i am at being told to do my job but fucking hell I felt good about today#and then i get talked to like im not doing my job when im just trying to make sure Im not affecting other people's job and its FRUSTRATING#I know it looks like im doing nothing and i hate it i hate it I do things so slowly#'oh im sorry i promise im doing my best. i just havent learned how to be human as you are yet' as they say
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I dont really think ive processed just how badly my dads behavior has effected me this year its really the worst it has ever been and i think im avoiding thinking too hard about it cause i know im a danger to myself if i do lol
#multiple times this year he told me that my disability is ���killing mother'' on my moms behalf when she never#asked him to say that and never expressed that#like yeah my moms not great but she never said me being disabled was ''killing her''#he physically assaulted me the night before my grandmothers funeral and i had to show up and face him the next day like nothing happened#every time i was unable to do something because of my disability after my grandmothers diagnosis#he would really lean in to telling me i wasnt ''that bad'' and basically just say i wasnt allowed to suffer because my grandma was dying#like i was supposed to suddenly stop being disabled because of that#and on multiple occassions he implied that i didnt cate she was dying despite me going to see her a hundred times more#than he did after she was diagnosed#he lied to a judge and got a court order to have me arrested and institutionalized#during which i was slammed face down into concrete by police while they were ''apprehending'' me#and then i had to spend 6 hours talking to psychoatrists trying to make them understand that he is doing this maliciously#for them to just tell me to ''calm down 🙄'' like it was unreasonable to be upset#and also be mocked by the cops who arrested me the entire time i was in police custody#i hate him i hate him he deserves to kill himself not me
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
how to be normal about my cousins 4 year old dragging my plushies across the dirty floor while I broom and mop the kitchen
#WAAAAA#callate guero#NOT EVEN MAD OR UPSET AT HER LIKE SHE IS JUST A LITTLE KID#BUT MY COUSIN AND MY COUSIN N LAW DONT EVEN TELL HER ANYTHING 😭😭😭#😭😭😭 I know it may seem silly because I am a grown adult w plushies in my room but those are my items 😭#it’s respect ykno 😔#I also spent the whole day cleaning the house because everyone left and it was so bad….#then again for reference this is the side of my family that is rich and can afford maids and shit so </3#anyways#NO RESPECT FOR ME EVER EVER EVER IN THIS FAMILY#I AM BEING DRAMATIC BUT STRAIGHT UP I AM NEVER RESPECTED EVER AND I WANT TO KMS#no one respect my space my things my name my pronouns my kindness my patience#grrrrrrrrr#I can’t wait to leave and never come back </3#SPEAKING OF IM SO MAD ABOUT MY PASSPORT I TOLD THE LADY THAT DID MY SHIT FOR ME#I NEEDED A NEW PICTURE AND WORE NICE CLOTHES AND EVERYTHING AND SHE REFUSED TO DO IT#AND SO NOW OFC THEY SENT ME A LETTER WHY DIDNT I TAKE A NEW PICTURE LIKE!!!! GIRL!!!!#so I had to go to staples get my own pictures done and mail it over to them… all because the lady who’s job it is to do so#wouldn’t do it…. like GIRL!!!!!#NO RESPECT FOR MY INTELLIGENCE OR MY ABILITY TO KNOW THINGS#SIGH.#anyways…
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#mom says that the reason she didnt comfort me while i was having one of the biggest meltdowns of my life was cus i wouldnt tell her what was#wrong and i clearly was capable#like i hate to tell you but just because im technically capable doesnt mean i can communicate easily#im too upset to be able to communicate my thoughts to you about why im upset#she literally told me that its annoying when i cry and scream without telling her whats wrong#she said and i quote I could ask anyone in the world and all of them would be annoyed by this#she said if i just said Sorry i cant calm down i cant talk right now that would be fine like hello? is that not fucking obvious?#i said wouldnt this (being a more concerning thing) make you more sympathetic and she said no it just makes me more annoyed and this is the#normal response#she said even when normal people are throwing up and retching they can communicate whats wrong#that im just pretending to not be able to talk to her to manipulate her and that im being disrespectful by intentionally getting louder and#more disruptive#my parents are convinced i do things on purpose to guilt trip them all the time and i dont understand it because theyve known me for#my whole life and thats the most out of character thing i could ever possibly do but they wont even consider that im not doing that#i asked her why she didnt believe me when i said i wasnt manipulating her and she said I do believe you! when did i ever say i didnt#i dont understand. shes convinced that every normal person behaves like her#and the worst of it is i know shes trying her best and yet still refuses to acknowledge the fact that#I DONT FUCKING MAKE MYSELF MORE MISERABLE ON PURPOSE!#she doesnt seem to understand that overreaction can be conscious and still unavoidable#like yes its not like if i tried i absolutely couldnt calm down and talk to you#but thats not helpful! i dont WANT to try because i am screaming so hard that mythroat will be sore for an entire day!#because i am upset!#i am too upset to care that i can tecxhnically stop#i just dont understand why its so hard to believe im not manipulating her when im genuinely upset#i dont understand why she looks at me like a loose screw. something annoying but not something worth fixing#its always bad enough to warrant anger and never bad enough to warrant a solution#because im crazy but im fine and im not disabled at all
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
last night i found out that one of my old hs friends wants like nothing to do with me so thats f u n
#it was coz i was like honestly rlly shitty to them in hs#and like ik that now but i get y they dont#also the friend (T) who told me that the hs friend (A) didnt wanna talk to me told A#she like screenshotted our msgs and sent it to her#and A was upset i didnt tell her personally even tho i stg i was going to but T wanted to show her anyway#so thats funnnnnnnnnn#ill probably send her a more personal apologise tonight
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Just saw a video where someone mentioned reading the curious incident of the dog in the night time, and they thought afterwards they may have autism too. When they brought it up to their mum, she was like "you knew??" cause apparently she'd done that thing people seem to do where they keep an autism diagnosis secret from their kids
It made me remember when my grandma gave me that book to read when we were all at her place for Christmas. She said something like "I think you'll really like it", which confused me cause I was more into fantasy stuff than mystery novels. I mean. I did really like it. But it's one of the things that makes me wonder... did my parents do that thing too...?
#i want to ask but i dont know how and im too scared#i tried looking through my medixal records but myhealthrecord only goes back to like 2020#my gp who i have seen my whole life said shes unaware of anything like that happening#when i told my aunt i thought i had it she was like 'doesnt that have something to do with your eye condition' like. it wasnt a surprise#the other day i got really focused on trying to figure out when freight trains come through the train station near our house during dinner#i was doing it for like fivr ten minutes while we were talking about other stuff and then i said yes the freight trains do tend to come at#night because theyre not allowed on the tracks in peak hours. and yes i have been researching that this whole time#and he goes 'its my autism and i get to choose the special interest' or. hyperfixation or something#i asked him why he said that (does he know?) and he said it was just a joke because of the 'thing about autistic people liking trains'#but... does he know...#do they know...#i couldn't eat the food at my aunts wedding and i was expecting him to make some snarky comment#but instead he just helped me.explain my texture issues to our aunts friend. which i did not expect at all#one day. idk why. but my stepmum told me her oldest son had been diagnosed when he was a kid and she didnt tell him. even when he came to#her. upset. asking why he was so different from everyone else. id known her son since primary school long before our parents got together#i had no idea what to say man i dont know why she told me that#like. is it some big open secret that everyone but me knew until last year?#im starting to wonder if some of the help i got in high school wasnt just due to my vision. especially if my mum is to be believed about#them wanting to put me in the special ed class. seems a bit much for someone with vision problems right...? always thought that was odd#but. its my mum. and the story was about her fighting the school on that so. idk if i can believe her.#ignore me#its late and that video just made me think about all this again#idk. maybe things would have been better if id known. much like thr adhd but definitely no one knew about that
1 note
·
View note
Text
I MISS MY COPY OF JOURNAL 3 SO BAD AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
#not a reblog#long rant ahead in the tags#PAIN AND SUFFERING#I WISH SO BADLY I THOUGHT TO BRING IT WITH ME IM SO UPSET ABOUT THIS#:((((((((((((((((((((#i miss it so much man this sucks#and getting another version just isnt the same#i want MY copy :(#im trying to stop thinking about it but i cant even watch the show without desperately wishing i had it every time its shown on screen#i want it back so fucking bad#i dont even miss my other books this bad#i still miss them all#of course i do#but. fuck man#i spent years of my childhood building up my little library and now its all gone except for two books i genuinely dont give a single fuck-#-about and didnt even fully enjoy reading in the first place#man. i miss it all so much#i wish so badly i at least brought my actual favorite books with me and not two that i dont even consider worth rereading#i miss my books so much it hurts i hate this so much#cant watch the show in peace without desperate longing sucker-punching me in the gut this is so fucking stupid#i hate everything so much#conplaining <3#now all i have are bookshelves filled with school books and past papers and none of the novels i adored when i was younger#i recently met up with an old friend of mine and she told me she still thinks about me every time she read which is. the sweetest thing eve#and i had to tell her i havent touched a story book in like. a year.#i miss reading but my grief over my books is too strong#and i just dont really have the capacity or desire to read anything other than fanfics anymore#i miss journal 3. but i dont really WANT to replace it with a new one bc its not MY copy#i know its dumb and the new one would be the same thing but. it really wouldnt be the same#i miss my copy of it
1 note
·
View note
Text
its so funny to me that she was like 'you deserve better' because little does she even know she genuilnely was best. like no one is ever going to top her. and i know with my full heart that she will find better than me and im supposed to want that for her but i really really dont. cuz i know theres so much better than me but theres no one better than her
#like ive accepted that weve broken up and theres no chance of gettin gback together#but i still hate it. no matter how much i want her back i know she wont come back#and for some reason it feels like shes 'the one taht got away' even though i didnt try to let her go at ALL#like somehow it feels like its my own bad that we broke up even though shes the one who ended it#i wish shed told me that she wanted to be loved differently or something. she did everything perfectly for me but never asked anything of m#and i really wish she did. i wish shed given me a chance to show her how much she meant to me and how far i was willing to go for her#thats the part that im most upset about. the fact she didnt stay long enough to tell me all that and find out how much id do for her#and none of this is to say i never did anything bad. maybe i did and i just dont know it#or maybe i didnt do enough and i just dont know it#but i wish shed told me WITHOUT breaking up with me so that i could just have teh chance to be better for her#i dont understand why shed think it was unfair if i did try to change my own 'love' habits or whatever. i would do anything for her#i just want her to come back to show her how much better i can be than whatever i was before#cuz i know there ewre things i was bad at. ex. sometimes i was bad at picking up her cues or i know im bad at being romantic in front of ou#friends. but i didnt know if that was a problem for her or not and if it was i wish shed said so so that i could try better to fix all that#because even though im bad at it it doesnt mean i wouldnt try to do better for her#i just want her to give me another chance i want to do so much for her#now well never be bubbline and ill never get to give her her bday rpesent#like i guess its a good thing i hadnt bought it yet but now i feel shitty like what if her friends are like 'she never even got you a bday#present????? shes such a red flag' when the reality is i was waiting to get it closer to moving on campus to give itin person#GOD PLEASE. do you think if i start praying again the gods will bring her back to me
0 notes