#like she prolly has had to stop herself from blocking me

[nadisabug]

How You Meet // Volleyball! reader

Pairing: Bokuto Kotaro / Nishinoya Yu / Oikawa Tooru x fem! volleyball! reader

Genre: Crack. Pure crack.

Warnings: cursing

Word Count: 2.5 k 

Summary: You are a volleyball player in the same position as the boy, and he is taken aback at your beauty and skills. 

A/N: all of the boys would just be so supportive and hrng need me a volleyball boy

Haikyuu Masterlist

Bokuto K. 

Bokuto would prolly be the one that suggested cheering for the Fukurodani girls team

Like he and his bros are bored between matches

And he notices the girls are on in a different court

So he manages to drag akaashi and a couple others to go watch with him

So they enter the stands...

Bokuto walk through the door to the stands and he is immediately blown away.

"Y/n!" Your setter nearly screams. You, eyes still trained on the blockers across from you, answer with a small smirk that sends Bokuto's head spinning.

"Here I come!" You yell in response, vocalizing your claim on the ball. You squat then set off running towards the net. At the last moment you push off of your feet and jump, albeit not as high as Bokuto could, but high nonetheless for your stature. Your arm shoots up and makes contact with the ball with a satisfying smack.

In front of you are two freakishly tall blockers, and Bokuto doesn't know how you'll get the ball past. But, as soon as the ball leaves your hand, it seems to find a small gap in their block and blows past it, landing on the other side of the court in the blink of an eye.

Once everyone lands on the floor again, both teams look up at the referee. He blows his whistle and raises his arm towards the Fukurodani side of the court. The Fukurodani girls erupt into cheers and surround the girl apparently named Y/n.

The setter cheers, claps Y/n on the back and shouts. "That's our ace!"

Bokuto watches her in awe as she flashes a gorgeous smile and shyly tucks a stray hair behind her ear.

"C'mon, are you gonna sit or just stand there like an idiot?" Akaashi tugs Bokuto by the back of his collar, not giving him a choice to stand there for longer.

"She's the ace..." Bokuto mumbles dreamily.

"Yeah no shit, that was insane, blowing through that block." Akaashi mutters, no choice but to agree. He drags Bokuto to where the rest of the team has already sat down and pulls him into the seat.

"She's amazing," Bokuto breathes, his eyes still locked on you.

"Quit it before you start drooling," Akaashi rolled his eyes.

But Bokuto couldn't. From your receives to your serves, every movement you made he was mesmerized. And before he knew it Fukurodani had won consecutive sets.

Once he saw you and your team leave the court, he shot up from his seat.

"I've gotta meet her!"

Akaashi looked up at him with wide eyes. "Wait-"

But Bokuto was already leaping over chairs and scrambling to the door. Akaashi stood up too and, with a resigned sigh, followed him too.

Bokuto didn't stop running until he made it to the first floor. He skidded around a corner and finally locked eyes with you. He couldn't help himself and ran up to you, absolutely panting from the running he had done.

"You-" pant "were fucking" pant "amazing!"

Embarrassment flooded your system and you looked down at the floor nervously. The setter walked up and put herself in between you and Bokuto.

"Back away from our ace, owl-boy," she hissed. "Don't think we didn't notice you drooling over our captain during the game."

Normally you would be more confident, but once one of your teammates pointed out the boy in the stands going absolutely apeshit for you, it started to eat at you. The embarrassment of a guy - a hot one at that - calling your name from the stands and drawing everyone's attention was just too much for you.

"You're the captain too? No wonder! I am too, Im-"

"Bokuto Kotaro, I know who you are," you cut him off and put your hand on your setters shoulder. "It's okay, I can handle him."

Warily, your setter backed down and joined the rest of the team cooling down.

"You know who I am?" Bokuto beamed, his chest puffing up.

"Of course," you rolled your eyes. "You're one of Japan's top five aces. And you go to our school."

"Why hadn't I ever seen you before?" Bokuto gushed.

It was at this point that Akaashi finally caught up. "Because you leave all the grunt work to me," he sighed. He looked at you and gave you a slight nod. "Y/n."

"Akaashi," you smiled and replied.

"You know her?" Bokuto nearly yelled.

"Duh," Akaashi rolled his eyes. "We coordinate stuff together like the buses or practice."

"I wanna know her," Bokuto pouted at Akaashi. Akaashi rolled his eyes and sighed.

"What he's asking if you'd go get lunch with him sometime," Akaashi looked at you, speaking for Bokuto.

You felt a heat rising to your cheeks. 

“Sure,” you smiled. It couldn’t hurt to go out with the absolute hottie who was cheering for you all game. 

“Great!” Bokuto shouted and grabbed your hand. He started pulling you away from your team. 

“W-wait, right now?” You looked back at your setter for help, but she just shrugged. 

“I’ll cover for you!” She called as you got dragged away by the excited boy. 

You had no idea what you were in for. 

Nishinoya Y. 

Noya was definitely the one who suggested watching the girls

Girls playing his favorite sport?? What could be better?

He was able to drag most of Kurasuno to watch the girls 

Daichi ofc came to support the other captain, Yui Michimiya

But little did he know after he sat down that he was in for a big surprise

The whistle blew and a girl with h/c hair stood at the sidelines with her sign. She and another girl from the team switched out, and when they did there was a commotion in the stands. 

“Oh my god, finally! L/n is back in!” A girl in the row in front of the boys cheered.

“I know, I still can’t get over her last receive,” the other girl gushed. 

Noya looked back at you and noted the reversed colors of your jersey. 

So, she’s a libero huh, he thought to himself. He looked you closer and thought that you were a little cute. 

The game resumed and a long volley started. It looked like it was about to end when the other team set up for an unblocked spike. The setter had feinted and sent all the blockers to cover another spiker so that their one player could hit unmarked. Not a single soul was on that side of the court, and Noya could feel himself wincing as the spiker hit the ball. That was going to hurt. They were already down too many points and really didn’t stand a chance of winning. 

He waited for the ball to hit the ground, but in the blink of an eye, you were there and the ball was up. 

You called the name of your setter and quickly she set it up for one of your spikers. Since the other team had thought the had this in the bag, they were not ready for the counter attack and Kurasuno got the point. 

“Did you see that?” Hinata gushed and leaned over Noya’s shoulder. “She totally just did rolling thunder! She was like whoosh and swoosh and the bam!”

Noya nodded enthusiastically. “That was an amazing receive!” 

After that, Noya began cheering every time you made a receive, even if it wasn’t a hard one. You started noticing very early on and part of your attention was focused on the short king in the stands. You did your best to ignore it and keep your head in the game, but its kind of hard to ignore a hot boy cheering for every move you make. 

You were almost glad when the game was over. 

“Hey, Y/n,” one of your blockers smirked. “Looks like you’ve got yourself a fan.”

“I will murder you with my bare hands,” you growled, tired of the team’s teasing. They had not let up on the whole fan thing since Noya had started up in the stand, and frankly, you were tired of it. 

“Ouch, save some of your love for your boyfriend,” the blocker smiled. She then looked at something behind you and smiled even wider. 

“He’s not my boyfriend! Listen if I see that guy again, all shit will break loose- what? What are you smiling- oh.” You turned around to see the boy in the stands standing awkwardly behind you. 

“Hi,” he smiled and waved. He was acting quite demure, a stark contrast from his shenanigans in the stands. Now that he was closer, you kinda had to admit. He was kind of, sort of cute. “You were really good out there. Really impressive. Sorry if my cheers were distracting, you were just so good.”

You seemed to have lost your steam, because you couldn’t bring yourself to yell at this genuinely kind and supportive boy. Instead you rubbed the back of your neck nervously and broke eye contact. “Uh, thanks,” was all you could mumble. 

“Wanna practice together sometime?” He suggested, a nervous smile on his face. 

“Yeah sure, if you can keep up,” you responded. 

“Oh don’t worry, about me,” he puffed out his chest dramatically. 

“Okay,” you laughed a little. You pulled out your phone and handed it to him. He looked at you quizically for a second. “Number?”

At that he flushed bright red. “Oh, uh, yeah,” he stumbled over his words, typing his number in quickly. Once he was done he handed the phone back. 

“I’ll text you sometime,” you smiled and walked back to your team. Immediately after you turned around you heard an energetic voice shout. 

“Did Noya-senpai just get a date?”

After that you heard a scuffle that you only assumed was Noya silencing the other boy. 

Oikawa T. 

Okay lets be honest

The last place he wanted to be was in the stands watching girls play

First of all he could have his ~fans~ doting on him

Second of all he could be practicing

Third of all he could be watching the team they were slotted to go up against next

But all of those other options were out of the question when Iwaizumi decided that Oikawa needed a break

(and also didn’t need to be near his fans)

So grumpily Oikawa will sit in the stands to watch your game, but he’s not really watching

Instead he’s watching a match on his phone

that is until Iwaizumi says something that peaks his interest...

“Holy fuck, that’s the captains fourth service ace.”

Oikawa frowned. It was a simple sentence really, one he had heard a million times. The difference was that usually it was aimed at him, not someone else. 

Oikawa looked up from his phone to see who was apparently the  Aoba Johsai girl’s team captain. It was hard to tell from this far away, but Oikawa’s senses told him that she was a looker. The way she carried herself it was obvious that she was confident in what she was doing, and that to Oikawa was enough. 

He put down his phone and leaned forward in his chair. He was invested now, whether he liked it or not. 

He watched as the referee blew their whistle and you lined up for your serve. You threw the ball up and jumped, hitting it mid air and sending it straight to the other teams side. It landed in bounds with a satisfying thwack, completely unimpeded by the other team’s girls. 

Iwaizumi let out a low whistle. “That’s five.”

“I can count, thanks,” Oikawa snapped dryly. 

Iwaizumi looked over, cocking his eyebrow. “I didn’t know you were paying attention.”

“Well I am now.”

Iwazumi shrugged and turned back to the game. You lined up for your next serve and hit it, but this time the other team’s libero picked it up. After that your team had a chance ball. 

Oikawa huffed. 

“What, shittykawa?”

“She should have kept aiming at their number 4. She got confident aiming for their libero,” Oikawa stated matter-of-factly. 

“How do you know she was aiming for the libero?” Iwaizumi retorted. “What if it was just on accident?”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “You don’t get five services aces and not be able to aim in the air.”

Iwaizumi shrugged. “I’m just saying it could have been an accident. Like you said, she was on a roll aiming and scoring off of their number four. Why would she switch that up?”

Oikawa pursed his lips. 

“You never know unless you ask,” Iwaizumi added slyly. “Not that you will.”

Oikawa whirled on Iwaizumi. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean,” Iwaizumi started without looking over at Oikawa. “You don’t talk to girls unless they fawn all over you.”

“Not true,” Oikawa huffed.

Iwaizumi just shrugged. 

“That’s not true!” Oikawa repeated in frustration. 

“Then prove it,” Iwaizumi replied bluntly. 

“Besides, how do you know she won’t like me?”

Iwaizumi laughed. 

“What?” Oikawa grit his teeth, starting to get annoyed at Iwaizumi. 

“You don’t remember?” Iwaizumi shot Oikawa a side glance. 

Oikawa just glared at Iwaizumi. 

“Hey, fine.” Iwaizumi sighed. He turned back to the game. “You hit on her at school a while back and she didn’t give you the time of day.”

Oikawa snorted. “I do not ‘hit on’ people.”

Iwaizumi shrugged. 

“Fine, come with me then,” Oikawa nearly growled. He got up from his seat and marched away. Iwaizumi sighed but got up. The game was already over and he was upset that he couldn’t enjoy it, but what did he expect from watching it with Oikawa. 

Oikawa stomped his way all the way downstairs and was a fuming mess when he finally stopped in front of you. You waved off the teammates you were walking with to go ahead and stopped to see what The Oikawa Tooru wanted from you. 

“Did you purposefully aim for the libero after the five service aces?” He growled. 

“I don’t know what crawled up your ass, but usually you’re supposed to congratulate someone on that kind of shit,” you smirked, enjoying Oikawa’s bad mood.  

“Congratulations,” he forced a smile and said sweetly. “Now did you or did you not?” 

You grinned. “How about we make a deal?”

Oikawa cocked an eyebrow but let you continue. 

“You watch out next game, and let me know if I did.”

Oikawa scoffed. “That’s hardly a deal that favors me.”

“You’re smart,” you shrugged. “You’ll figure it out.” You took your leave at that, leaving Oikawa behind, still frustrated. 

But he couldn’t help but want to watch your next game, for some odd reason. Maybe this deal wasn’t too bad. 

Taglist: {OPEN}

[kendrixtermina]

Appreciating the Range of Type 6, or, one stereotypical example, and three that aren’t.

I want to tell you about some type 6 ppl that I know in my personal life.

Exemplar #1: F. B.

Complete Stats

Wing: 5 p or cp: largely phobic – lots of safety worries, outright authoritarian follower personality Instinct: sp/soc Trifix: 613  - 6w5 1w2 3w2 (“The Taskmaster” or “The Middle Manager”) jungian: ISTJ / SLI-Te oldham: Conscientious & Aggressive Essence Type: Mars Temperament: Pure Choleric

What he’s like:

Not pleasant.

Every “strict conservative middle aged guy” stereotype in the book. Control freak, makes a mountain out of every molehill, sees the world as full of axe murderers, judgemental as fuck, horrible temper and yet completely impersonable, all his opinions are copypasted from right-wing news sites. When they say war is good he’s for war, and when they say war is bad he’ll be like “At least Trump did not start any more wars” without perceiving a contradiction. Despite this, he believes is very hot, principled and funny. He is none of these things. He puts people down nonstop. My knowledge of neurochemistry tells me that he must have emotions somewhere or he couldn’t function, but I ain’t ever seen a single one of those emotions. They’re all for his job and a few trusted mentor figures. And his mom. At least he loved her.

If you say anything he doesn’t like, he “throws the sofa out the window” as his wife once put it.

How he’s a Type 6:

Well, he’s pretty much every negative stereotype in a nutshell… other than distrusting his partner. But that might be cause hes sx blind, or cause the wife is big on monogamy & wouldn’t ever cheat.

The one positive trait of 6 that he has is that he does his research. Before moving anywhere he googles the crime rates and if you need a doctor he might find you the best one. But even that can be overriden by ideology (hydroxychloroquine!). And if you don’t take his exact advice, there goes the sofa out the window again…

And I guess the work ethic from all 3 parts of the trifix really comes through – he hasn’t had a single bad grade in his life and always keeps collecting new certifications, and will make sure you hear about it...

Exemplar #2: I.

Complete Stats

Wing: 5 P or cp: pretty much an even mix of phobic and counterphobic Instinct: sp/soc Trifix: 614 - 6w5 1w2 4w3 (Would prolly call herself “The Big Pain” rather than “The Philosopher” ^^°) jungian: INTJ / ILI-Ni oldham: Serious & Conscientious Essence Type: Saturn Temperament: Chlor-Mel

What she’s like:

I’d describe her as serious, mature, discerning, focused and passionate about her friendships, if perhaps somewhat forceful at times, with a dry, sarcastic sense of humor.

Comes across like someone who knows what she’s talking about, with well-articulated points.

Often the Responsible Sibling, Designated Sanity Checker or Bullshit Detector.

Prefers to plan everything in advance in typical Ni dom fashion, even amusement part trips. Gets somewhat anxious without a future plan or shedule.

Often mistaken for a whole lot more sociable and confident that she really feels inside. (even I kinda bought it and got her whole darn trifix wrong on my first typing attempt, though that was when I was new to typology) She can act the boss act temporarily to get the situation over with, but she actually hates making decisions.

She does however have the occasional cute/pure moment where that lower function block comes out.

How she’s a Type 6:

She has saved our family from many a terrible restaurant by making sure to check the reviews. The preparing for all possible dangers is very 6, the acting tough outwardly when youre inwardly anxious, the intellectual problem solving & some tendency towards organization/responsibility/ “logistic” intelligence.

One online test she took gave her 5w6 instead of 6w5 but that’s probably just the ITxx-ness leaking in. I remember this one time we were discussing this artsy-fartsy theater play to which we’d had fascinatingly different reactions, and at one point I half-jokingly said something like “But does anyone ever really feel connected to others, or is that a myth?” to which she wrote, “[Name], what the fuck? Yes I do.” and then immediately deleted it. That’s more of a 6 reaction innit?

Nonetheless the wing does feature in significantly – for example she got very well informed about a lot of topics because she researched them to assuage a random survival-related fear, like, “How to make sure I have enough retirement money”

Exemplar #3: M.

Complete Stats

Wing: 7 p or cp: largely phobic Instinct: sp/sx Trifix: 692 - 6w7 9w1 2w1 (Fortunately very much a “Good Samaritan” rather than “The Stockholm”) jungian: ISFP / SEI-Fi oldham: Sensitive & Devoted Essence Type: Lunar-Venus Temperament: Pure Supine

What she’s like:

Precious! Sweet, nice, good listener, friendly, gives all the best gifts. But also perceptive and good at understanding people, eg. mediating to the parents when one of the younger sisters is having An Emotion™ or winning the trust of problem children.

Unlike I. Who has some soc that helps her keep track of a larger circle of friends despite her introversion, M. tends to enjoy the closeness with her family and have just a few very close friends. Excellent friend material all around! The sx and Se also come out in enjoying art forms involving the body like theatre or dance.

She can be a bit shy, conflict-avoidant and occasionally a lil bit panicky though.

As a small kid she used to be super duper shy but then a wise english teacher encouraged her to play a big role in a play, and since then she’s a lot more confident and doesn’t let ppl push her around without limit, though she’s still a quiet, helpful person. There you see the difference that a good teacher can make.

How she’s a Type 6:

For one thing she moves and emotes faster than a core 9 would, and she fits the body language – big eyes that move around a lot, stands a bit lopsided, talks in a shrill voice on the rare occasions where we exhaust her patience etc. As a xSFx and a w7 she shows mostly the “warm, friendly, likeable” side of type 6. She also has a very 6-ish tendency to very frequently ask people’s opinions & feedback before making decisions. (the other fixes probably add to this)

Alas, she also has a little bit of of the fear/insecurity.

Also she has a social/care job which might be seen as 6-ish desire to serve the community.

Exemplar #4: J.

Complete Stats

Wing: 7 P or cp: largely counterphobic Instinct: sx/soc ?? definitely not sp first. Trifix: 638 - 6w7 3w4 8w9(?) (Shall she be a “Justice Fighter” or a “Kyle”? Only time will tell.) jungian: ISTP / LSI-Se ?? Oldham: ? some Dramatic & Serious, perhaps ? Essence Type: Definitely Mercury Temperament: San-Mel

What she’s like:

The first adjective that usually comes to my mind is ‘cool’. Sassy, energetic & a little bit tough, but also affectionate when she wants to be. (though in admiring way rather than a mushy one)

She says the coolest things, has a certain sly sort of cleverness, and an astonishly good poker face. Bit of an occasional prankster. Hilarious. Knows all sort of cool science facts. Avid gamer. 

Not especially popular or over the top sociable, but she gets sad if no one pays attention to her a while. Will act visibly moody where ppl can see sad or worried and can catastrophize a bit in such situations.

How she’s a Type 6:

I first though we might be getting an ExxP type 7 since she was a pretty energetic child, but once puberty hit and independent thought manifested, she turned out a whole lot too reactive and ‘edgy’ for this, and more on the ‘moderate introvert’ side of things.

Since then the sisterly dynamic has been like one fluffy golden dog and 3 hissing black cats. Hissing Cats #1 and #2 are very proud of her, but cat #1 was forced to conclude that she’s probably not a positive outlook type.

Out of all the reactive types 6 fits best because she does broadcast group identity (like wearing merchandise of her favorite media and wearing buttons in solidarity with ppl she likes.) & has a big case of Big Sibling worship for M, I, and someone else who isn’t on this list due to being a 9. (a 4 or 8 might like their older siblings but probably wouldn’t constantly stress the admiration.), but she can also show lasting, pouty displeasure with authority figures who have slighted her. (Like that one time I went too far in teasing her...)

I’m just assuming the 8 fix because that tends to make 6s more bold, louder & more shameless.

Basically she is the “punk teen” type of 6. She can be a bit dramatic & over-the top but still come to her family on advice (even advice on pranks!) in ways that xSTPs of other enneagrams prolly wouldn’t.

She also tends to use self-deprecating humor in tough situations and deflects compliments to present herself as ‘ordinary’.

...

This may sound like I’m really getting down on my first example (I won’t pretend that I’m not) but the point in bringing him up is that the reason he’s like this is: He was subject to really bad parenting that put a lot of fear into him, there was no good parenting to teach him broader coping strategies, he lived in a crappy environment that crushed his dreams, in a sense ‘confirming’ those fears and making him double down, resulting in a person who is just always rigidly following the same predictable pattern or jumping from one automatic reaction to the next with very little pausing and thinking. That goes for the other types too: A ‘stereotypical’ person is a desperate person ruled by fear, who cant stop or soften up even for an instant cause they constantly feel this fire of threat under their arse.

A lot of descriptions say that 6s ‘Follow authority’ but most would balk at the notion – ‘I do the research!’ they might argue ‘I don’t just trust anyone’ or ‘I’m actually a rebel’. There is of course such a thing as denial  that’s more like the extreme case.

But with a more average, functional 6 it’s not so much ‘obedience’ as that they just like to bounce their ideas off of others to get feedback, or that they feature in other’s viewpoints. So you might get someone who can naturally use feedback (something other ppl may have to learn first) or who is very considerate of others (which others might have to consciously remind themselves to do.)

Those are sometimes pretty good traits actually.

On the other hand this is probably part of what makes decisions hard cause they consider all these possible scenarios of how things might displease or cause harm to everyone involved.

Being able to naturally snap into Action Mode under stress looks a bit enviable from the outside, but I. assures me that it’s actually super stressful & exhausting, even for someone who doesn’t get to a point of just being unreasonably aggro at you.

Though even an extreme case like F.B. would probably claim that he ‘did the research’ even as he’s 1:1 quoting the Pope at you, and then saying that you ‘have to be respectful’ even if you don’t even believe in Christianity. Hence why you get a lot of authoritarians talking about “disrespect”. You didn’t “fail to obey”, you “disrespected the flag” or  “hurt the feelings of the Chinese people”. Because they’re still trying or inwardly thinking that they’re doing the consideritation & considering other’s PoV thing when they’ve long since crossed from respect and consideration into mindless obedience, all while still thinking that they’re very sceptical and discerning cause after all they really distrust the other political party or whatever.  

In a way you get this obsession with ‘mind control’ cause they’re not unaware of & very much looking to guard the blind spot. They’re adults trying to do adult things.

For example, if I voiced an opinion to F. B. which he didn’t like, his reaction was often to ask “who told you that”

That’s just how he seems to think opinions work, somebody tells them to you.

Makes one wonder how he thinks new opinions start.

Yeah - Nobody told me that. I concocted it myself in some corner of my head. And in the interest of objectivity, I should stress that you can also end talking out of your ass that way, if you’re not basing it on enough outside data. Making up new shit has more of a quadratic than a linear learning curve – at least with copying you get something semi-useful right away. In making up your own you might be really off a long time before you stumble on something useful.

Also, I was young at the time and it’s not wholly unreasobale to think that an inexperienced person might be duped. I reacted really badly in part cause he hit my own ego buttons cause I was of course proud of this epiphany that I had concocted by myself, and now he says (or so I perceived it, being sensitive to accusations of incompetence) that I’m too dumb to form an opinion, so of course I launched into full Obnoxious Reddit Dude Mode.

In I. It manifests more on a reasonable useful level like “Oh wait, should [young cousin] be on TikTok? I don’t want him to get sucked into some cultish BS.” which is at least something the parents should have on the radar/ warn him about even if they do let him use TikTok, because for all that it is vital for him to get his experience with independent socializing & experimentig with sel-presentation, people do sometimes get suckered into cults or goaded into unsafe tests of courage.

And in a sense… maybe they overamphasize it but to some extent they’re also simply consciously aware/ mindful of it. The rest of us are not immune to propaganda after all, solong as it’s presented in a way pleasing to our egos. Any type structure can become a ‘hook’ if you’re not careful.

[artnerd1123]

A Familiar World

All Nerds Start Somewhere ——————————————

A regular trip to the library brings two sorcerers more than just new books...

The masterpost for AFW can be found here. The chapter post for AFW can be found here.

——————————————

This isn’t a traditional chapter by any means, but it’s definitely one I had fun with!!! Especially cuz my pal @vaaloirr​ co-wrote it with me! Since Alex and Journal are friends and eventually bfs in canon, we wanted to get some content out for them. What better way than fixing up n posting rps? :D

Also, it’s a good excuse for some baby lucy. What a cute kitty she is ;w;

Y’all will prolly see more of these as we get to em!!! Enjoy a first meeting for now ;3c

                                                    ————

Belle: Settling in is always strange. It’s even moreso in a new town, so much different than one’s old home. There’s so many different faces. Different places. Everything is new, and nothing’s quite the same. And, of course, it’s to be expected when you move from the country to a forest. The new town was nestled between trees, with huge crowds and buzzing magic. Home never would’ve thought of such a thing. ... ah, right. Home. That was another part of settling in. It meant completely changing your definition of “home.” For Journal Drapht, home was where his books were. And what better place to help him establish that than the library?

Journal had just finished browsing for the day. He’d spent most of his time over at the magic books, of course. There was so much more he could learn here! No way he was about to squander that. Not when he needed all he could get. He’d found enough beginner spells to have him set for weeks. It was perfect. What was also perfect was the legends section. He’d never seen that many books in one place in his life! And they were all about stunning magic, or awe inspiring show sorcerers, or- better yet- all sorts of terrifying monsters. Yeah, the library was perfect. It came as no surprise that Journal’s stack of books was a mile high. He was just doing his best to carry it all to the desk. “Next time I’ll get a fuckin... wagon... sheesh,” he grunted. Hopefully they’ll let me check all these out…

Vaal: Settling in was a strange thing indeed, especially when your idea of 'settling in' was getting settled in an apartment for a week before heading to the next town. Staying in one place for more than a couple of weeks was... strange. Especially for someone who had spent most of the last, what, ten, eleven years on the road? It was an adjustment in and of itself. Never mind all the new people, new places, new... everything. He'd only been in merchant towns a handful of times. At least all the rotating sets people sort of emulated the effect of moving constantly. Though, Alex Manson wasn't at the merchant town, at the moment.

The one thing Alex could complain about consistently when it came to his town was the lack of library. There was only one library, the school library, and if you didn't attend the school, you couldn't check anything out. And book merchants weren't always around. But! Thankfully, there was a good library in the next town over. It was. A whole day's worth of walking to get there, but that was fine. Sort of. His legs really didn't like him after these trips. And then there was the walk back. Ugh. Slightly less fine. But he had books to return. Lots... and lots of books. With a combined two days to get there and back, he wanted a supply of books that was worth the effort. He had a carriage bring him here, and he could walk back without the books. He had a sizable stack, one that blocked his vision, as he walked in. Okay, just gotta... find the desk... At least he had his little familiar in his hood, purring quietly. She seemed to enjoy the walks. She might have been asleep for all he knew. He couldn't leave her home... she got anxious without him. And it was good to get her out of the apartment every now and then. Show her that the world is bigger than their little two person apartment.

Belle: Journal tried to keep moving slow. He didn’t want to lose any books accidentally. It would be rather hard to pick them back up without dropping them all over. Rather unfortunate, then, that the slower he went, the more tedious it felt. He could hold a stack of books for hours! His arms wouldn’t get tired for a while. But he could not stand moving slow. It was so... unproductive. He had so many things to do at the apartment. He couldn’t afford to go slow. The sorcerer’s pace quickened a bit. He tried glancing around his book stack, but he couldn’t see anything. Great. Hopefully people would move out of the way. He just kept walking quickly. After all, who wouldn’t move when they see a person with a huge stack of- WHACK! Journal let out a yelp as he collided with an unseen obstacle, stumbling backwards. His books went spilling everywhere as he fell. He landed hard on his tailbone. “Oof- ghhh- owww-“ he groaned, wincing. That’s gonna bruise... He sat up shakily, rubbing his backside. What had he run into...? Was there a pillar, or-? The sorcerer’s face went pale when he registered the other person. Who he’d... smashed... into... Oh. Oh no. “... shit. H-hey, uh- I’m- im really sorry, are you ok???” He asked anxiously, stumbling over himself. What a horrible mess he’s made of things…

Vaal: Alex just walked... ever so carefully... he didn't want to bump into anyone, or anything. Not only did he have all these books, but he had Lucy curled up in his hood. She didn't need to be jostled. Now where was the Revaew damned desk- shouldn't it be close to the front door? Did he already pass it??? Revaew, that would be just like him. He had too many books! He brought too many back, because he wanted to get it all done in one trip, when he could have done it much more manageably in two, sure he'd have to pay a fee for bringing them in late, but it would be better than this! A lot of things would be better than this. He just hoped that he wouldn't bump into anybody. Hopes that were almost immediately dashed. Alex yelped as well when he suddenly ran into something. He wasn't going that fast, was he? He couldn't have been! Did somebody in a hurry bump into him? That had to be it, right? Well, either way, his books were all over the floor now. "Ah fffffu... Revaew..." He groaned, reaching a hand up to his ribs. Yeah, that was going to bruise. He glanced up at the voice. Oh. He did run into another person. Well. This was going to get awkward fast. "I'm fine, just a little bruised..." He replied, letting out a sigh. He was hearing something else too. Sounded like... like... whimpering... what would- Oh. The sorcerer immediately reached into his hood, checking for Lucy. She was still there! Thankfully, she hadn’t fallen out. He took her out of her little space, held her in his arms, gently bobbing the shaking little familiar up and down. "It's okay, it's okay-" He whispered, trying to calm her a little bit.

Belle: Journal sighed as well, shifting uneasily. At least the stranger didn’t seem angry. Or upset. Not on the surface, anyway. That was... nice. He winced again at the sight of all their books. They’d gotten all mixed up, hadn’t they? That was gonna be fun to sort out. He opened his mouth to ask about it, but never got the chance. His brows furrowed in utter confusion as the stranger pulled a cat out of his hood. A blue cat. One that was not all too furry, and quite distressed. What in the...? Is that a familiar??? he wondered, baffled. They reminded him of Roo. Another cat one...? Are... are all familiars just... cats??? A reasonable assumption for one who’s only met two familiars. But that didn’t matter right now. The distressed noises were tugging at his older sibling instincts. “Oh no... Did your familiar get scared?” He asked hesitantly. Worriedly. “Maybe hum for her a little. I-it might help, since she’s against your chest- she can feel whatever sound you make.” Did he know this from experience? Perhaps. Baby siblings need care as much as baby kittens. ... they were such a cute familiar... “... What's their name? They’re a cute lil thing,” he said softly. Just watching curiously. Seems the presence of a baby has distracted him from anxiety.

Vaal: Alex continued to bob Lucy up and down and whisper little reassurances. She was in a new place, she was jostled when he fell, and she was rudely awakened from her nap by said fall... not a great day for the little lass. He raised a brow at the others... suggestion? ... oh. Kay. He started to hum a little bit, nothing really... from a song, or anything, just. Something that sounded like. Something. He didn't know, he didn't hum much. But it did seem to help. The little familiar started to shake a little less, and she curled up a bit closer to her originator's chest. She stopped whimpering, so that was a good sign. After a moment, she started to slowly glance around, and her eyes almost immediately fell on the stranger. Who was that??? He seemed interested in... something. He glanced back up at the stranger in question when he asked his question. "... her name's Lucy." He said, quietly, shifting his hold on her a bit so she could be a little more comfortable. "And she is pretty cute, yeah..." He added, smiling softly. The familiar just curled up a bit in response. She gave a little wave, and then started to climb up onto the sorcerer's shoulder, perching herself there. Alex just let out a sigh, and looked at all the scattered books. Revaew, those were gonna take forever to sort out... Lucy's attention was still firmly on the other sorcerer though, her gaze filled with the mix of anxiety and curiosity you would expect a kid to have when meeting someone new.

Belle: Journal smiled a bit at the name. Lucy. A very nice name. Seemed fitting for the lil gal. He gave her a small wave and smiled in return. “Hi Lucy... sorry about the rude awakening...” he said quietly. She looked shy, and he didn’t blame her. Some kids were just nervous around strangers, and that was ok. At least her shoulder perching was cute. He gave her another smile before turning his attention to the books. ... they really were a mess. A big mess. Sheesh. He couldn’t even tell which books were his, now that he was looking at them. Amazing. Hopefully the stranger would know which were his... “I-I really am sorry about the mess,” he sighed, looking to the stranger. “I was carrying too many books for my own good. Do you know which of them are yours, uh-“ he paused. The sorcerer realized he didn’t know the other’s name. Whoops. “Oh- er- where are my manners- I-I haven’t even given you my name-“ he chuckled sheepishly. “I’m Journal. As in the kind you write in. What’s your name...?” Hopefully the name alone didn’t weird him out…

Vaal: Alex glanced up at the sorcerer again when he started to talk. Oh. Okay, apparently they were going to be talking. He was kind of hoping they could just both start to pick up and sort out their books in silence, but. Apparently he just. Wanted to keep talking to him. Okay then. And here he thought the only person he was going to be talking to was the person at the front desk. "... I'm Alex." He replied, trying not to sound as nervous as this made him feel. Lucy just stayed perched on his shoulder, looking to the other quietly. You could get a good sense of her size there. She was about as big as her originator's head, which of course made it easy to, say, fit in his hood. She was just curious about what Journal was all about. He seemed nice! The blue haired sorcerer glanced around at the books scattered on the floor. "... mine were mostly DragonStone books." He mumbled, already starting to pick a few up. "I had a couple of other stories though... and a few magic books for practice..."

Belle: Journal tried for a reassuring smile as the other- alex- spoke up. Alex! Another nice name. He seemed pretty nice, too. Though he did look sort of anxious... Guess that’s one thing we have in common, he thought grimly. But that wasn’t where the similarities ended. The sorcerer blinked in surprise as Alex continued. Magic books? Stories? DragonStone books??? Good lord, no wonder they were all mixed up. They had the exact same books. Maybe even literally. Oh Revaew, how cool would that be? He’d have found a fellow book nerd. He fidgeted a bit, trying not to look too excited. “W-well, uh, you might wanna make sure you’re picking up the right books,” he said hesitantly. He glanced down at the pile. Sure enough, there were two of the third DragonStone book. He held them up for Alex to see. “Iiii... had the same stuff.” He chuckled sheepishly. “Y’all read dragonstone? I thought I was the only one in town who read those!” There was a haltingly hopeful look in his eyes. Five minutes in, and Alex has already managed to bring out the nerd in him.

Vaal: Alex raised a brow when Journal mentioned that he might have to make sure he's picking up the right books. What? What did he mean by that? Of course, his answer came quickly. He blinked, looking pleasantly surprised. "Oh. Well. Would you look at that..." He mumbled, sounding a bit pleased with this development. "Yeah, yeah I read DragonStone. I just finished the fourth book, and I'm hoping to grab as many more volumes as I can..." He cleared his throat, as his tone started to shift to a more awkward one. "B-but I don't actually... live in uh. In this town. I live in the next town over...? To the west-ish? My town just... doesn't have a library. So I come to this one." Lucy was just looking quietly amazed at these developments. Wow! They read the same books! Maybe they'd be friends??? Alex could use more friends. She thought to herself. And I'd like more friends too... After a moment, she hopped off her originator's shoulder, and wandered over towards the other sorcerer. "H-hi!" She said, giving another wave. "It's! Really nice to meet you!" Her voice had all the charm of a nervous little kid trying their best to make a good first impression. Alex was happy to see her making an effort to make a new friend. It was heartwarming.

Belle: Journal lit up at Alex’s positive answer. Hey!!! He did find another nerd! Nice! Now if only he knew how to charm his way into talking with Alex about their shared interest... not that. He should be using charm. That only worked to keep people off his case back at his old town. And, unfortunately, it didn’t seem like Alex lived here. Drat. Sighing, he shrugged, handing Alex one of the books. “That’s fair. We’ve got a pretty good library here. I think I spend more time wandering around here than I do at home,” he joked. It was almost true, though. If he wasn’t training with his magic, he might as well just stay here all day... just sorting through books, like he was now... A quiet thump pulled him from his thoughts. He looked up curiously, gaze catching on the icy familiar making her way over. Oh? What was she up to? He smiled gently at Lucy when she spoke. She even sounded adorable… what a sweetheart. He liked her already. He set down his books so he could give her some proper attention. “Well, hey there lil lady,” he replied softly. Still smiling. “It’s nice to meet you too. You just along for the ride? Or are you lookin for some books too?” He briefly considered giving her a pat, but decided against it. He didn’t know if she was ok with those. “I bet I could point you towards some good ones, if you wanted!”

Vaal: Alex snorted when Journal mentioned that he probably spent more time here than at home. Yeah, he felt that. He really felt that. He had to spend a lot of time here to make the trip worth it, to be honest. "Yeah, I spend... a lot more time here than I probably should." He replied, handing him a magic book he knew he didn't have. "I kinda have to, because... well, it takes a day to get here... and then a day to get home... if I spend like... five minutes here, then the trip just doesn't feel worth it, y'know?" Lucy's little icy tail was thwipping from side to side as the sorcerer spoke. He sounded! Really nice! And he liked so many of the same books... at the question, she gave a little smile. "I like the dragonstone books too!" She replied, picking up the second book off the floor. "This one's my favorite so far..." Alex raised a brow at the others’ little conversation. Hmm. He should. Probably say something too, huh? "... my favorite book so far is the third one." He added, as he was getting all the books that he was sure were his in a neat little stack. "But that could change... there's plenty more in the series. I'm really liking it so far, though... really good books... especially when you animate 'em." Did he sound nervous? And anxious? Yes, and yes. But he was trying.

Belle: Journal smiled wider as Lucy and her originator spoke up. He still had books to gather, but he’d stacked enough that they weren’t everywhere anymore. He could just talk with these two. It was nice. He’d missed talking with... well. With friends. Lucy’s declaration made him chuckle. That book was huge compared to her! So cute. Though, Alex’s last comment gave him pause. Animate? “... well, I’m really fond of the fifth one, honestly,” he replied. Holding up his hands, he grinned knowingly. “No spoilers! But it really is a doozy, I’ll tell ya that. ‘S a fun one to read by lamplight. Especially if it’s midnight. Gotta get that atmosphere, eh?” He sounded plenty confident as he spoke. The series was one he loved, after all. Even his anxiety couldn’t ruin that. ... however, it popped back up a little bit. “I uh... I just... have one question for you,” he spoke up timidly. “What’s, uh... what did you mean by animate? If- If I said that right?” He ran a hand through his hair, his smile turned nervous. He always got this way about magic. It was a longtime hyperfixation of his, but he still knew less than he’d admit. “I’ve never heard of that before. Is it a book thing...?”

Vaal: Alex smiled at the little 'no spoilers' comment about the fifth book. He appreciated that. It would be so easy to spoil it. He probably would have accidently spoiled it, with how much he loved the books... and how much he loved talking about them... the mention of not knowing about animating books caused his expression to shift to a more confused one. He had... magic books. So. Obviously he knew magic... ... maybe he was new to it... He thought, internally debating how to answer. "Hmm... well..." He started, a little bit unsure how to explain it. His social anxiety certainly wasn't helping. "It's- it's like- well, you know spells where you like... uh... fuck..." He paused, and took a breath. "You know, like, illusion spells? Like, easy ones that look all smokey? Animating a book is basically doing that. It's a simple little spell where you enchant the book, then it opens, and... like... little figures pop out, and it plays out all the scenes in the book. So. You get to watch what happens, instead of just. Read." He shrugged. "It's pretty neat." "It's super cool!!!" Lucy added, bouncing on her feet. "That's why I like the second one!!! I think it's the best one if you animate it!" The sorcerer snickered a bit at her energy. She was so cute. He was really glad she seemed to be having a good time, despite the... rocky start. "We like to have little animated book nights after long days. It's a good way to unwind."

Belle: Journal listened closely, head tilted to the side. He nodded along as Alex explained. Ok... smoke spells, yeah. Those were what he’d started with. So it should be easy. And it was- what??? You could cast those on books??? How had he never figured that out??? His look of nervous intrigue shifted to utter fascination as Alex and Lucy continued. “Oh shit- that sounds awesome??? That’s- that’s really something you can do???” He chattered eagerly. “Damn, I know what I’m doing tonight. I might as well go through the whole DragonStone series again! Thanks!!!” He paused for a second, seeming to realize Lucy was listening. “Uh- Sorry about the language. Force of habit,” he said sheepishly. He glanced over at his book stack. Animating books... oh, he was already ecstatic. But… he didn’t know if he wanted to... Y’know. Leave the library yet. He had his book stack, sure. But he also had two new... hopefully friends...? “... hey, uh, since you two like dragonstone, could I... uh... make a recommendation?” He asked hesitantly. “Or a couple? Since, uh, since this is your book day and all. Maybe I could... I dunno, show you the best spots to find books in that shelf maze back there?” His smile was still confident, but his gaze was shy. He didn’t wanna overstep boundaries. He just wanted to hang around a bit more. “I don’t have anything else to do today. Not till I get back to my apartment, anyways.”

Vaal: Alex chuckled a bit at Journal's excitement, seemingly glossing over the swear. He had sworn around Lucy a few times. She knows that 'shit' is a bad word, she's not gonna say it. He's let that slip out more than a few times."No problem, I'm sure you'll have a great time." He replied, letting out a little sigh as he continued sorting through his books. Okay... that should be all of his books? He hoped they were. He didn't want to grab Journal's DragonStone books. They were the same books, yes, but he was returning his. He started to check the inside cover of the books for any 'return by this time' stamps when the other spoke up again. He raised a brow. That was... a nice offer, to be sure. Hmm. He thought about it for a moment, as he continued looking through everything. "Hmmmm... I mean, I don't see why not...?" He replied, glancing at Lucy. She seemed excited at the idea. "Thank you, I guess." The familiar just made a little face at her originator before turning to the sorcerer. "I think that's a great idea! Alex always complains about getting lost in here." She glanced at him again, snickering at the face he was pulling. "He'd get lost on his way to this town if there were any turns on the road here!" "I-I would not???" He sputtered indignantly. "My sense of direction is not that  bad!" "What about that time we spent a whole day walking around town because you forgot where the apartment-" "I will ground you."

Belle: Journal looked delighted when Alex said yes. He tried to hide it, but the happy glow in his expression was going nowhere. He! Was gonna! Get to share good books!!! Not to mention he could hang out with Alex and Lucy! Hopefully he could call them friends properly by the time they had to leave. That would be nice. Even if... Y’know. They didn’t live here. That’s a problem for later. As Alex and Lucy bickered, he had to put a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing. These were his favorite sorts of conversations to hear. You just knew  there was a story behind em. Even if they’re only mentioned in passing. “Well, I dunno if I can help with the town problem,” he started, getting up. “But I can certainly help with the library one! How about I stick my books in a reserved spot, and you turn yours back in? And then I show you around?” His eyes sparkled eagerly, one hand gently patting the top of his book stack. Ah, yes. The excited pats. “It’s easy once you pick up what spots the different genres are in!”

Vaal: By end of the little bickering session, Alex had his arms crossed, giving Lucy a stern look. The familiar was just sticking her tongue out at him like the little kid she was. Adorable. Absolutely adorable. He simply nodded at Journal's words, picking up his stack of books, and prompting the little familiar to climb up and get settled in his hood again. Though she had her head rested on his shoulder now, wanting to see everything going on instead of just napping the day away. "Sounds good, sounds good..." He said, looking around the pile of books he had. "Lets just hope I don't fall over again..." The sorcerers managed to find the front desk fairly quickly, now that they weren't. Well. On the floor. Falling over apparently helped them get their bearings. Alex got all his books returned and sorted out, still feeling a bit sheepish about just how many he had. And he was probably going to leave with just as many. After everything was sorted out, he turned to Journal, looking... nervously neutral, but still optimistic. He was letting a little smile creep across his face, but that was about it. He was just nervous about looking too excited. Anxiety issues. Lucy looked excited enough for both of them, though. "Okay, uh... feel free to uh. Show us around, I guess."

Belle: Journal hefted his book stack up with ease, following happily after Alex. The librarians on duty ended up making him just. Take a box. It would be easier for them to keep an eye on the books he wanted if they stayed together. Especially since they could put boxes behind the counter. Journal just apologized sheepishly for how many he had. Evidently, it isn’t he thinks about until checkout time. By the time Alex was ready, Journal was practically bouncing in place. He didn’t want to look too eager either, but a tapping foot and shining eyes betrayed him. He just!!! Loved the library! He loved the books! He had a new- er- acquaintance?- who wanted to be shown around and also loved books! And he had a cute familiar! What was there he shouldn’t be excited about? He lives out of town, his mind grumbled. Shut it, he thought in return. “Sooo... I think we can start with legends, since that’s always nice,” he said nonchalantly. He motioned for Alex to follow him, heading confidently towards the shelves. “And then move over to magic books, and then the series like DragonStone...” Excitement crept into his voice the more he spoke. He kept glancing at Alex and Lucy as he walked- both to make sure they kept up, and to gage interest. He wanted to make sure they liked whatever he was chattering about. Hopefully this was helpful and nice for the two of em…

Vaal: The two of them happily followed along, Lucy obviously looking happier than Alex, but he was letting that little smile on his face get bigger as they walked into the maze of shelves. Yeah, he would already be lost if it wasn't for Journal. Speaking of Journal, he was... he was pretty nice. He was a nice guy, maybe a little nervous? But he could understand that. It'd be nice to have a friend in this town. It'd be uh. Nicer to have a friend in his current hometown, but a friend in the next town over was still pretty good. Better than no friends, that's for sure. "I think that sounds good." He replied, giving the familiar on his shoulder a couple of pats. "I don't think I need more magic books right now? But it never hurts to look over a few... just in case there's something interesting that I wanna learn." He shrugged, almost throwing Lucy off balance. "I'm more interested in the legend and DragonStone stuff, to be honest..." He was also interested in having someone to talk to about those legends and DragonStone stuff, but he felt like that'd be a little weird to just... say. To somebody he just met.

Belle: Journal paused talking to listen as they walked. Ah! Good to know. And good for his excitement, honestly. He hadn’t had an opportunity to really get into legends until... well. Until a month ago, really. He had many widely known legends to catch up on! Lots of things to learn! It made him happy. And fueled his dreams of recreating them onstage, one day. Alex likes dragonstone, legends, magic... he’s really nice... has a sweet familiar... and I found him in a library. Could I find a better friend if Revaew herself made one for me? he wondered to himself. What came out, though, was none of that. He spoke as he kept walking, making little gestures as he did so. “Oh! Right, of course! I was just gonna take you around so you knew where stuff was,” he chuckled sheepishly. “We can definitely loiter in the legends section...” He fell silent for a moment. Considering. “... it, uh, it’ll be nice to have some company looking at them, honestly. I’m not as knowledgeable as I’d like to be,” he admitted, rubbing the back of his head. “If- if it’s ok to do that! I mean, we’re doing a tour to get you acquainted, not for legend hour.” Unless you’d like that, his gaze seemed to say. Revaew. He was so awkward. Hopefully Alex could pick up the hint... if not, that was ok! Just... having a buddy would be nice. That’s all.

Vaal: Alex was happy to be wandering the library with someone- two someones, even! It was Lucy's first trip to the library, though he thought she was going to be asleep the whole time. He wished she didn't have such a rude awakening, though. At least she seemed to be enjoying herself regardless. He visibly perked up a bit more at the mention of loitering in the legends section, and gave a chuckle at the mention of not being as knowledgeable as he'd like to be with legends. "I know a lot about legends, honestly." He replied, his face making it clear that he was starting to reminisce. "I got to hear about a lot of them from my uncle..." He cleared his throat a bit awkwardly. Okay, that's enough, he didn't ask for your life story. "A-anyway, I'd love to, uh, loiter in the legends section for a bit. Would you mind, Lucy?" "Nope, that sounds good!" She said, giving a little smile. "As long as we can pick up the other DragonStone books for animated book night, I'm happy!" He chuckled. "Yeah, that's what I figured, but I thought I'd ask."

Belle: Journal perked up a bit at Alex’s mention of hearing legends from an uncle. So they were passed on orally... from family, too... explains how I knew nearly nothing but the horror stories, he grumbled mentally. But Alex wasn’t here for childhood losses. No, he was here for loitering in the legend section. And Journal was too. “Hell yeah, legend loitering,” he smiled, giving Alex a thumbs up. “Maybe you could be the one recommending legends for me, eh?” His tone was joking, but also hopeful. “I’ve, er, kinda been hoping for someone to talk legends with. I mean!!! My roommate is nice! But he’s... well. We’re, uh, still getting used to each other. A-and that’s not the point.” He chuckled ruefully as they walked into the section. He stopped to just... admire the books. There were so many... they were so different... so cool... even the scarier ones... He looked back at Alex with a contented smile. “... welp. We’ve got time. Books are all ours.”

Vaal: Alex nodded at Journal's mention of a roommate. Yeah, he could get that, sort of. It was just him and Lucy in his apartment, but he still had to get used to being in an apartment for more than a weekend. He was still adjusting. Every morning he had been waking up expecting his uncle to come in and tell him that they had to pack up. But no. He was. Staying. In one place. Hopefully he could get used to it. If he couldn't, he could probably just move around more, like most questors do... though, he would prefer to stay in one spot. For Lucy's sake. He wanted her to grow up in a home, not a house. Or, apartment, rather. He wanted a lot of things for her... hopefully he could provide. He looked over all the books on the shelves, his eyes betraying his excitement, the familiar on his shoulder looking more visibly amazed. He gave a whistle, prompting her ears to twitch a bit. "So many books, probably not as much time as I'd like..." He mumbled jokingly. Well, sort of. He was amazed by how many titles he recognized... his smile suddenly widened as he noticed one book in particular. "Oh! Hey!" He grabbed the book, his smile softening as he turned the cover over. It seemed to be a kids story about a kid and a dragon. "I remember this book... I used to read this all the time, back when I... I..." His voice trailed off as his smile faltered a bit. He shook his head, trying to brush it off before Journal could notice. "... i-it was my favorite childhood story." Lucy was just looking over aaaaall the books, her expression one of absolute childlike wonder. Look at! All!! Of those books!!! There were so many!!!

Belle: Journal was practically glowing with happiness as Alex and Lucy looked on. They were excited! It made him feel nice. He hummed contentedly as he perused the shelves. So many names... he felt like he’d hardly made a dent in all these legends. But the ones he knew, he knew by heart. And he was slowly adding to his mental library. When Alex spoke up, he glanced over curiously. Oh! A legend book!  Looked like a kid’s book, and from Alex’s words, he was right. Though... was something wrong? Journal blinked, and Alex looked ok again. He... wouldn’t mention it. He knew how it was with slip ups. The sorcerer just smiled in return, leaning over to take a look. “Ooh, looks sweet!” He replied. “Like a classic kid’s book. I think I had one like that... hang on, lemme look at the shelves...” He stepped away to search. It wasn’t long before he trotted back over to Alex, a book in hand. “Here! This is the one I read to death when I was little.” He held it out. It was about a show sorcerer, from the looks of it. Full of many adventures. It was one of those books he’d kept wedged behind his bed frame at home… memories. Journal shrugged timidly. “It’s... uh... kiiinda the only legend I really knew since... somewhat recently,” he admitted, sighing. He waved a hand, as if to brush it off. “Which! Is why! I’m glad the library has so many!” He swept his hand toward the shelves, tension leaving in favor of childlike eagerness. “‘S plenty to learn and to read and to fall in love with. ‘M real happy about that.” He glanced at Alex, a trace of nervousness in his gaze. He liked legends. He was already showing him around the library. Maybe he could... “... hey... uh... I know we literally just bumped into each other, but. Uh. Would you maybe wanna talk legends if we met up again...?” He asked nervously. “Or- like- Y’know, if we were pen pals we could write back and forth, if- if that’s cool. J-just an idea, it’s fine if you don’t wanna or anything!” Oh Revaew, please let that not have been awkward...

Vaal: Alex wasn't sure if Journal didn't notice his slip up, or if he just wasn't prying. If it was the former, he was glad, if it was the latter, he was thankful for the consideration. Either way, he raised a brow when he suddenly trotted off, and it was still raised when he came back. Though he quickly started smiling again when he saw what book it was. "Hey! I know that one!" He exclaimed, as he quickly started reminiscing again. "I used to read that one a lot... it was one of my uncle's favorites too." He gave a sigh, his mind trailing off as all the good old memories came flooding back. Any memory with his uncle was a good one. At the mention of pen pals, though, he blinked. Pen pals? Like, keeping in contact? Well... they just met, but. He seemed nice. And they seemed to have quite a few things in common, so... "... I mean, I don't see why not." He answered, giving a slightly nervous, but still genuine, smile. "It'd be nice to have someone to talk books with! And maybe I can show you that book animating spell, it's a, uh, pretty simple one." He definitely felt like things were moving a little fast, but then he remembered a saying his uncle had: 'Friendships can happen in a month or a minute.' This just so happened to be the latter. And he was alright with that. Lucy, meanwhile, was still enraptured with all the books. As the two were talking about pen pals and all that, she pulled a book that caught her interest from the shelf, and showed it to Alex, nearly bonking him in the back of the head with it. "Can we take this one?" She asked, giving him those hopeful little kid eyes. "I thought it looked neat..." It seemed to be a little mystery book about a sorcerer thief who left glass flowers as a calling card. He raised a brow at it, and gave a little smile. "... I mean, it does look neat... sure! It'd make for a good book night treat."

Belle: Journal’s smile was both delighted and relieved at Alex’s response. He hadn’t managed to mess up his question, and he’d gotten a pen pal! Nice. I mean, technically nettles is a pen pal. But. Still. I can talk legends and books and magic with my new one, he thought happily. The sorcerer was content to chat with Alex about details as his familiar looked over the shelves. Her sudden book snatching and eager words made Journal chuckle. “Oh, I’ve seen that one around! Haven’t had the chance to read it yet,” he hummed. “If it’s good, let me know! I can, uh, add it to my ‘to read’ list.” As if that wasn’t long enough already. “... Y’know, I bet we could both swap a couple book recs, now that we’re here...” He sighed softly as he looked around again. So many books... so little time... At least he had company today. It felt a lot nicer to browse books with these two. And they would probably be there for awhile. That was perfectly fine with him.

Vaal: Alex wasn't really expecting to get a pen pal today, just some books, but it definitely wasn't something he was against! Besides, it would probably be a little easier on his social anxiety to get to know Journal through letters at first. Of course they'd hang out sometimes, but... well, he assumed they would, anyway. That's like. The end goal of pen pals, right? To get to a point where you can hang out as often as you write to each other? He really didn't know, he's never had one before. He was probably really overthinking this. He smiled again at the mention of book recs. Ooooh yeah, he definitely had some stuff to recommend. Another good thing about this! He could share all his favorite books with someone! And maybe talk about them too, if he liked them as much as him. Though he might not, because... well... He liked some of these books a lot. He could talk for hours about a single book no problem. "Well... if you like DragonStone, then I might know a couple of other books you might enjoy too..."

[wonderingarmy]

Prince Jeon Jungkook Part 3

Links - Part 1   Part 2

It’s been a couple months since Jungkook last talk to you. The other members’ relationship with their other halves seems to be getting better except for him. He knows he f*cked up so much that he doesn’t even know how to apologize or if you’ll even forgive him. The day after the confrontation, you submitted your two weeks notice. You tried to finish editing all of the BTS’ RUN episodes that’s under your direction and a music video. Jungkook tried to reach you, but you begged Bang PD to have him stay away from you, which he understood. He tried to call you many times, but you blocked him. He also tried to go to your place, but you don’t live there anymore.

“You should try to focus more on the tour Jungkook-ah”, RM told Jungkook after noticing that he’s giving himself a hard time. Working out extra, tiring himself out and barely eating.

“I’ll be okay Namjoon-hyung.”, he replied. “I am just really trying hard to get her off of my mind. And it’s really hard. I know I messed up so much. I am just really disappointed of myself. I can’t believe I did that to her. I wasn’t thinking hyung. I should’ve listened to Jimin-hyung. To everyone.”

“We all make mistakes, stupid mistakes. I mean, yours was really really, way stupid. But, you know what? At least you admit to it. And you stopped talking to Kumi.”

“I feel bad for Kumi too. What the hell is wrong with me?”

“I don’t know man. But, I hope you learned from your mistakes. I hope you get a chance to talk to Y/N again and I hope she forgives you.” Namjoon said, tapping Jungkook's shoulder.

Jungkook always talks about how he messed up so bad with you during his live broadcasts. A lot of fans asked him about you every time he goes live. How they don’t see him with you anymore and some people stopped being a fan of him. But, most fans, who’s been there since BTS debut have comforted him and told him that everyone makes mistakes and that they wish for you and Jungkook to be in good terms again. A lot of fans like you for Jungkook because they know how much you make him happy. And though, they didn’t like what Jungkook did to you, they still support him and the members.

As time passes by, Jungkook got tired of always being asked about you, especially during live interviews. Everyone already knows that he messed up, that he is childish, and that he doesn’t know what he wants in life.

“Uhhmn, I am sorry to interrupt”, Yoongi replied to one of the host of one of the famous show in the US, when they were asked about their relationship status. “How about we talk about our music and not about our personal lives.” he continued tapping Jungkook’s, who is sitting beside him, lap and smiling,  assuring him that he got him.

The interviewer apologized and tried to change the topic. The members, although happy with their own love lives, doesn’t really want to talk about their relationship with their other halves, especially when they know what Jungkook’s situation is in and how he feels left out when they talk about how they’re happy with their girlfriends.

Jungkook went on hiatus for a long time. He stopped posting a selca and stopped going on live broadcasts, even just to bother Jin and Jimin during Eat Jin. The fans noticed how he stopped being the playful Jungkook that he is during his stage performances. He started to look like he wasn’t interested in what he is doing and just not the same as before. Fans noticed that he’s been getting sick a lot lately too, and getting injured frequently.

“JK, I know you’re going through a lot of things right now, but please start taking care of yourself. You don’t want the fans to be worried about you.” Taehyung tol Jungkook one time during rehearsals and JK hurt his wrist.

“I just don't know what to do anymore, hyung”, he replied.

“You have to move on Jungkook-ah.” Hoseok said.

“Yeah, nobody heard from her and who knows where she’s at right now.” Jimin added.

“How about let's get some jajangmyeon and I’ll pay with my card? At least food doesn’t hurt us. Unless Namjoon cooks it, then ah, that’s heartbreaking even just thinking about it.”

Everyone laughed, except for Jungkook who just managed to smile a little.

After the last concert of their World Tour, before doing his speech, Jungkook started crying. The fans started cheering for him.

“Ah guys, I don’t really know where to start. First of all, I want to say sorry for not giving you the performance that you deserve.” Jungkook explained in between sobs. “As most of you all know, I am going through tough times. I have messed up five months ago. I did something terrible to the person that I really love. It’s hard to find a reason why I did it, which makes me feel like I am a really bad person.”

The members started to tap his back and letting him know that he is doing great and that they’re behind him no matter what happens.

“If only I had the power to turn back time and make everything okay again, I would. But, I am just Jungkook and I just messed things up, like how I keep on messing up this concert for my members and for all of you who put so much effort into coming here to watch us perform live. I am sorry to all of you guys. I hope you guys understand me and I hope to be better soon.” He broke down crying and the members started coming towards him and trying to comfort him.

“Ah, to that person that got heartbroken because of JK, please forgive him.” Hoseok said

“Yes please. He’s learned his lesson. Just give him a chance to make everything right.” Jin followed.

After the concert, a video of Jungkook crying has started to trend on social media along with a hashtags, #Y/NPleaseGiveJKaChance, #JKsaysSorry, and #YNJKSaysSorry.

***

You didn't feel like going out to get a pack of eggs at the grocery store at 9 in the morning but you really need it in order to achieve your first baking lesson on your own.

"I can't believe I forgot to get eggs! One of the main ingredients in baking." you muttered to yourself as you grabbed your coat and head out to your apartment.

After quitting Bighit, you applied at a local studio, where they do photoshoots and films for weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, etc. It's not much pay, but you still save up some money. It's 45 minute train ride away far from where you used to live.

When you got to the grocery store, you noticed a familiar face. Kumi. You were about to walk out when he ran after you.

"Y/N, wait!" she said so loud some of the customers was startled.

You stopped and not really knowing what to say.

"Hey Y/N, I know I did something really bad to you but is it possible for us to you know, talk somewhere?" she asked her, holding her hands together.

"Kumi, I am really----"

"Y/N, that excuse is overused now. I just really need to talk to you. I mean, just please hear a sister out?"

"A sister?" you scoffed.

"Okay, okay. I did you wrong. And I don't have the right to talk to you whatsoever but, can we please just talk?" she asked again

"Fine. But, make it quick." you replied after hearing the sincerity in her voice.

You walked out of the grocery store and went to a nearby coffee shop. As soon as you both find a good spot to sit down, she started explaining herself.

"Y/N, I know what I did was wrong. I know that you and Jungkook have something. And I want to let you know that it's all my fault." she began. "I am a big fan of Jungkook that's why I applied at Bighit, and luckily I got the job. I knew that he liked you and that he is courting you, but me being selfish didn't stopped me from doing what I wasn't supposed to do. I flirted with him and did it when you are around to make you jealous, so that you'll get fed up with it. Everything I did went over my head and I didn't care about your feelings. I brainwashed him, telling him that he doesn't have any chance with. Because well, you are older than him and that you like more mature guys. And he fell for it. Y/N, Jungkook is still young and vulnerable. But he loves you." she stopped looking at you.

"Why are you telling me all of these?" You asked "Whatever is between me and Jungkook is far long gone. It's over and I prolly won't see him ever again."

"I am telling you because after you left him in that parking lot, I saw how devastated he is. I tried to comfort him for days and weeks and he is just not getting back to his old self. And I realized that everything was my fault. That he loves and cares for you and if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have been like that. I liked Jungkook, but I don't want to be with someone who doesn't like me." she said, tears starting to fall down her cheeks. "I fucked up Y/N. I fucked up so bad, I left Bighit too. I got so obsessed with Jungkook I became a saesang. I am so disgusted with myself. You didn't even do anything to me. But I hurt you, and I hurt Jungkook too." Now she is full on crying that some customers looked your way with worried face.

You handed her a napkin and said, "How can you say that Jungkook doesn't like you? I saw the way you kissed each other"

"But he doesn't look at me the way he looks at you Y/N" she said wiping her tears with the napkin that you gave her. "When he looks at you, it's like you're his galaxy, like you're the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Like his happiness lays in your eyes. He loves you Y/N. He made a mistake and it's my fault. He's a man, and he is vulnerable. It's easy for him to make that mistake."

"Being a man doesn't give him the right to hurt anybody's feelings just because of his needs." you said.

"Y/N, you're not even his girlfriend yet!"

"Exactly Kumi! I am not his girlfriend yet, and look what he did?"

"For fuck's sake Y/N! just forgive him. Have you seen him lately? He is at his worst and he regrets everything that he's done you. He hasn't been doing great and the members and fans are worried about him. It's been months Y/N! Months that he's like that! it's not healthy anymore. You need to talk to him or I am dragging your ass to their dorm right at this moment!" she said, she talked so fast that she had to catch her breath.

"Why? Why are you doing this?" you asked again, not really knowing what to say anymore.

"Because I know you still love him and that you still care about him. Because he loves you and I want to make up from my mistakes and I want you guys to end up together. You love him Y/N. You just don't want to admit it".

You started crying and you told her that you still do love him and that you hate herfor doing what she had done and that you were so jealous you wanted to punch her in the face.

She smiled and said, "I am really sorry Y/N. And I mean it. Maybe I have to be in the picture for you to realize that you need to give him a chance and for you to realize that you love him."

You looked at him and started thinking that maybe she is right. You didn't really realize how much you love Jungkook until Kumi happened.

For the next couple of weeks you thought about everything that Kumi told you. You watched the videos of Jungkook crying in concerts and saying how he messed up. You feel bad and then you don't and you just lay in bed just feeling sorry for yourself and for Jungkook.

You woke up one day with a knock on your door. You grabbed your robe and with a messy hair opened the door but shut it back when you found out who it was.

"Y/N, let's talk please?" it was Jungkook. "I am not leaving until you talk to me"

"How did you--" you yelled, but realized the answer to your question. "Go away Jungkook!"

"I am not leaving Y/N. If I leave, it will be the last time."

"Fuck!" you said to yourself. "How am I going to work now?"

After 3 hours, Jungkook is still outside your apartment. You called your work and asked to be excused for the day as something came up.

You kept on peeking outside your window and you can see him just sitting on the ground looking so cold with just his hoodie on.

"Shit! Today's forecast is wind and snow!" you said again to yourself. "Oh well, he'll leave when he gets too cold."

Snow came and heavy winds around 5pm and Jungkook stayed outside. He was trying to warm his hands with his breath, but you know it's not going to help. After almost an hour, he still outside, shaking and looking like he's about to pass out.

Before you know it, you were outside with a big coat you hope fits him.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" you asked angrily

He looked up, smiled and said your name. He tried to get up but he fell instead. You struggled to get him inside your apartment, but you noticed that he's lost weight. When you finally got him inside, with a little bit of his help and he fell on the couch. You grabbed some thick blankets, your portable heater and you checked his temperature as he is burning hot. He is shaking so bad that you couldn't understand what he's trying to say. You grabbed some medicines from your cabinet and helped him drink it. After half an hour, he fell asleep. You made some soup and watched him close at the same time, scared that he might stopped breathing. After a couple of hours, his fever went down. You fell asleep watching him, you head laying on the couch where he is sleeping.

When you woke up, Jungkook was staring at you.

"Good morning." he said, smiling

You stood up suddenly and wipe whatever disgusting thing is on your face.

"Thank you for letting me in and for taking care of me Y/N", he said

"Yep.", is your only reply.

Jungkook got up on the couch, struggling from all the blankets that you gave him, and moved closer to you. You froze when he held your hand.

"I am sorry Y/N. For all the bad things I did to you. For hurting you. I was childish, I wasn't thinking. I was selfish. And I have learned my lesson. I promise to be a better person." he said, his voice still weak

"Jungkook, I--"

"I am not expecting you to forgive me Y/N. I just really want you to know how sorry I am."

"Jungkook, you hurt me so much that I thought something is wrong with me. I don't know if I will ever forgive you for doing what you had done to me."

"I am sorry Y/N. I wish I could turn back time and I promise to make everything right. I love you Y/N. I love you and I was so stupid to hurt you."

When you didn't say anything, Jungkook said, "Thank you for letting me inside again and for taking care of me. I owe you a lot. I came here to say sorry and like I said I don't expect you to forgive me. I won't forgive myself too if I were you. So, I am leaving now. And I am really sorry Y/N. But, I hope in time, I hope you will try to forgive me." he said. He opened the door and left.

You sat on the couch and stayed there for a good 5 minutes, thinking the would've beens if you forgive him. After arguing with yourself, you opened your door and ran after him. When you finally saw him, you yelled his name and he stopped and looked at you.

When you reached him, "Y/N." he said.

"If you fucked this up again Jungkook, I swear to God, i am going to burn you alive", you said trying to catch your breath

He hugged you and said, " I won't Y/N. I won't hurt you again. I am so sorry." He cupped your head with his both hands and said, "Hurting you is like suicide. I won't fuck this up again Y/N. I promise!" he kissed you and before you know it, you were kissing him back, tears falling down both your cheeks.

[saigeboredeaux-blog]

long post warning !!

hello !! i think i might swap naeva in for somebody else just b/c i’m having trouble getting inside naeva’s head, probably b/c she tries to be rly responsible n like...............i am not responsible. i am nowhere near the realm of responsible. my idea of a good time is trash-diving with possums and running from cops. she drinks tea daily and naps like twice a day. i love her a lot but go crazy aaa go stupid, y’know

so i have a few options if anybody would like to ?? help me figure it out and/or if i should stick it out w/ naeva n become a functioning adult like she tries to be

here r my other three babies i’m considering (TW: mentions of addiction, violence implications, car accident implications.)

saige - liana liberato fc - i created her in 2013 as a drunk pixie and that is. essentially her personality. sort of an optimist ? just very friendly n happy vibes n very much a party gal, if anything she’s sort of an idealist ? puts others before herself, very bubbly, very reckless, she’s got a problem w/ addictive substances in. a few forms. rich but her parents like...are on the verge of disowning her b/c she tarnishes their reputation far too much. takes up as many hobbies as possible b/c she hates being bored. the worse of a person u are the most likely she is 2 be attracted 2 u and that’s like. essentially law. chaotic good, i’d say, she’s v well-meaning but is also a lil ignorant in terms of like...she’s very rich. she’s very irresponsible with her money. i dont think she knows how to do taxes or where her money goes. donates massively 2 charity tho. her mom’s a fashion designer n they dont rly talk much but her mom does send her like. things b4 they go public and saige 100% always gives the items away just 2 fuck w/ her mom lmao. both passive and active like she’s very energetic n while she doesn’t rly take anybody’s bullshit she’s more likely to just laugh it off than retort back unless she’s like super hurt n then i black out and her emotions take over n i wake up and she’s gone thru like fifty paragraphs of angst. shes the love of my life. 

annabel - emma mackey/medalion rahimi fc - her original fc is maddie hasson but like ... emma mackey fits her better but also ... i’ve never used medalion and i’m p gay for her so ... - anyways. goes by anna pretty exclusively n will possibly threaten u with actual physical violence if u call her anything else (this does not stop people). ex-ballerina whomstve got into a particularly bad accident n now cannot dance anymore! she has a limp and uses a cane more often than not even when the pain isn’t as bad that day. it also doubles as a weapon if need be (some mf kaz brekker vibes). soft punk but like Secretly Soft. her mom left when she was a kid so she’s always been bitter abt it which ofc led to years of cynicism. she’s v close 2 her dad tho. she can come off as mean but it’s mostly an accident she’s rly honest and also a bit of an insensitive asshole? she’s a writer of both fiction n lyrics b/c that is what she’s happiest doing. a Scammer from an early age lmao. pretended 2 b a girl scout when she was like 12. faked being a psychic the entirety of high school. probably is writing a series abt the shit tht happens in lockwood w/ changed names bc fuck. shit’s juicy. but i may also run into the same problem w/ anna that im in w/ naeva rn so sidofg

maribel - ella purnell fc - an absolute. sweetheart. comes from an air force family so her household has always been rly strict. has always felt rly out of place (middle kid syndrome prolly) and she’s like. very bad at a lot of things. like just absolutely garbage. has two siblings n theyre both real talented but maribel’s very much Not. or like, in anything practical at least. is always getting fired from her jobs like...she goes thru jobs so often...bc she’s so bad at them...she’s so clumsy, too. socially awkward. like she’s so awkward, she’s only rly ever had one friend n they went missing so she’s very bad w/ social interactions. she actually...is rly good at hacking? and forging shit? b/c she wanted to impress the popular kids in her boarding school so they’d like her but they just used her. she makes fake IDs. used to be rly on that nancy drew shit b/c her school was in nevada n like .. aliens, bro. and just general like...being nosy when she shouldn’t be. stopped being on that nancy drew shit after getting caught trying to break into area 51 and disappointing her parents even further. rambles and overtalks a lot. wanted do do smth science-y b/c shes actually rly good n smart at biology n chemistry but her parents were like ew no n she’s doing journalism instead so she complied b/c she doesnt have a backbone. turns into a much more outgoing person when she drinks but she also doesnt drink tht often. prolly used to be a stoner tho.

and then i’m bringing in aleta for hendrix and she’s essentially one of cinderella’s evil step sisters. so i m not sure if i should bring in anna bc they’ve got p similar personalities or being hardheaded n spiteful even if some of their defining experiences make them two completely different people ijsdkfglh. i’m also planning on bringing in cain at some point in the future still !! i just think that the block in my head will be removed if i deal with naeva first.

absolutely am not dropping amos as he is my lifeline. his chaotic energy is what fuels me. if he goes i would probably cease to exist. i may go on a semi-hiatus for this week just so i can sort out what i’m doing with naeva but amos will be pretty solid just b/c he’s always verging on nonsensical.

tl;dr - help me pick a new character b/c my brain doesn’t work very well !

[autumnfanfiction]

7.

The next few weeks Chris and Robyn spent every moment together that everyone in the hospital started taking notice. Their rooms were interchangeable, so it was either his room or hers, but Chris liked going to her so she wouldn’t have to move. He started spending nights there and tried to convince Nurse Sandy to persuade the doctors of moving his bed into Robyn’s room. The doctor overseeing them was hesitant but promised that he would give it some thought.

They didn’t have a title for what their relationship was but actions speak louder than words, and their actions implied they were a couple. They characterized it as more than friends, less than lovers. Oddly enough when Robyn would go see Gran Gran, she would go alone because Chris wasn’t ready to meet her just yet. He planned on making things official between them before that took place and his Mother would fly in from Virginia. By that time everything would be definite.

Their late night dates were frequent, and Robyn loved sneaking out with him just off the fact they haven’t gotten caught. Chris gave her life a thrill and filled it with adventure. It was something new every day that she anticipated the next. She could have never imagined that she would be feeling the happiness she was experiencing at this point in her life. If it wasn’t for her being in the hospital and getting checked ever so often for any new developments, she would have forgotten she had cancer in the first place.

He did that––– made her forget anything that was troubling her. He soothed the rough edges in her life, and thankfully she did the same for him. Life had been cruel to her, but in the midst of her madness, she found peace with him, so that alone outweighed the bad. They say “love conquers all” and she wished that love would conquer what was trying to weaken them. Her faith was getting better though, and it was due to the two people in her life. Whenever she needed reassurance Chris would describe her as a woman clothed with strength and dignity, so she shouldn’t have fear of the future. They prayed together and being Chris’ sole focus for a time was to bring her closer to God than himself, she knew he was the one. She made up her mind a while ago and said to herself she would trust in God and lean not on her own understanding; she would not have a spirit of fear but of love and a sound mind.

She was in her Gran Gran’s room since Chris was sleeping and wanted to get some advice and shake the last few loose ends she had of doubt. “Gran Gran?”

“Yes, Anna?”

“I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“I think it’s obvious the only word to describe our feelings for one another is love, we’ve just haven’t said it, but I still have these what ifs. I mean, is it actually easier for both of us to be together because we have the same illness? I think it’s the opposite. What if he runs off? What if he finds another girl to like?”

“Trust in his loyalty. Mi see him respects yuh so him won’t do anyting like that.”

“Trusting is hard. Knowing who to trust is even harder.”

“Yet yuh trust him, Anna.”

“You’re right.” She said quietly

Dolly looked at her granddaughter thoughtfully. “Mi don’t tink dat is what has yuh scared, Anna,” She paused. “Yuh neva thought yuh would get dis attached, did yuh?”

She shook her head. "No. I think about him so much, and I've tried to stop myself from doing so. He’s amazing Gran, you know?” Robyn paused smiling as a visual of him popped into her mind. “This isn’t surface level I feel it deeply in my bones. I feel I can surrender myself, submit, and allow myself to be exposed to him. I’ve never felt I could do that with any man before. And that scares me Gran Gran how easily I’ve conceded to this, to him. I’m getting attached and that’s not safe. It's not safe getting attached to someone not knowing what the future holds. Feelings change, people change. Nothing is definite, and nothing is promised in life except death."

“If yuh not able ta get him out yuh mind, him prolly ‘posed ta be dere.” Gran Gran Dolly looked at her granddaughter and sighed. “Him not like de otha man, yuh know? Him won’t leave yuh, Anna. Mi know it hurt yuh, but dis ain’t de same ting.”

“I know they aren’t the same.”

“Mi hope so cuz mi would hate ta see yuh push him awey. Luckily, mi know him won’t budge.”

-

Like regular Robyn, and Chris snuck out for their date unbeknownst to Robyn he had something special planned this evening. He planned on taking her out to a nice restaurant for some good food and entertainment. Then would cap the night off with showing her some new art pieces he’d been working on without her knowledge. He made a great effort into capturing her beauty in some of them, and the simplicity of their relationship with others. He dabbled in different types of styles of art because it fit how dynamic their relationship was. He just hoped she would see it because he sensed a change in her recently.

They were at his art studio in his penthouse where all his past works and new ones were. Robyn felt like she entered another dimension consuming herself with the different artworks he made. She couldn’t believe this artistic soul was her best friend and possibly more. To her, it took a creative genius to be able to create art like his, and that’s exactly what he was to her.

“Come here, I want to see you some things.”

“New art?”

He nodded and smiled at her enthusiasm. He took her hand and led her to the other side that was much more secluded and intimate for the types of paintings he crafted. As soon as they stepped into that spot Robyn let his hand go and wandered on her own looking at the collection before her. There were precisely five canvases, and it was clear he was trying to tell her something. It was a story. A love story. How it was before them, how it became when they met, and what would happen after it was official.

If she doubted them before, she couldn’t possibly now, and she felt her emotions take over. He stood back and watched her go through all of them. He wanted this. For some reason, he wanted it badly, and he wouldn’t force her to but allow her to come to terms this, them was right.

“What’s going through your mind Buttercup?” He asked softly

“What if we never met?”

“But we did.”

“How can you be so sure about this? About us?”

“How can you not be?” He had the answers for her, but she didn’t have the answer for him. At least at the moment. Her constant apprehension was starting to annoy her too, but she couldn’t help but be that way with everything she’s gone through. Her heart and mind were playing tug of war even though her mind knew what was right. She was just so used to doubting when good things came along she never allowed herself to fully enjoy it. Which was the current problem here that was becoming more prevalent despite the strides she made.

“Robyn, you know how I feel about you.”

“I know.” She said quietly

“Do you feel the same?”

“Without a shadow of a doubt.”

“So what are you so afraid of? What about this makes you feel so uneasy?”

“It’s not you. I don’t know I’m just so used to being let down that it’s customary for me to block my blessings. I just don’t want to lose this, to lose you. I allowed myself to enjoy spending so much time with you that for the first time in a long time I was free from worrying. I was out of my own head. But I have a tendency to assume the worst when things have gone great for too long. This is too good to be true.”

Robyn ran a hand down her face, and Chris felt she still had more to say so he remained silent waiting patiently for her to continue. “My last relationship was a joke. I thought I finally found love until he dipped on me when he learned I had cancer. He abandoned me in my time of need, and that’s left a bitter taste in my mouth. I always get abandoned, always have people leave my life after they feel they don’t need me anymore. I didn’t expect to be so open and receptive towards you—– I honestly didn’t want to, I wanted to keep myself sheltered away, and keep my heart cold. That was the safer choice. But you made it so hard. I know you’re not him I’d be a fool to think otherwise, but at some point, it’s possible that you can leave to and the way you’d exit my life would be beyond my control. I’m scared to get attached because to do so then have you taken away from me after being so deep? I’d fall into despair from which I’d never recover.”

Chris walked up to her slowly and wrapped his arms around her. “Robyn as long as you’re breathing I’m not going anywhere.”

“It’s just not fair!” He held onto her tightly but not so much to where he could cause her pain. She was shaking and soon tears started to fall. He made her face him and made sure to kiss all her tears away. She needed to let her tears go because she had been holding this in for so long and maybe now she’d be able to free herself from all the doubt.

“I talked to God about you,” he paused as she met his eyes. He smiled. “I actually talk about you to him regularly in the mornings. I feel like it’s the best time to do so because in my eyes love comes alive at night, but love is more seasoned and tender during the day.” He brushed a piece of her curls from her face and kissed her forehead, and she melted into his arms. “Anyway, I asked him why he would bring you to me now. Why he would bring me happiness if it would only be temporary. I didn’t think I’d get an answer, but I got one. You want to know what he told me?”

Robyn nodded and sniffled. “He told me he brought you to me because that was his will. We were supposed to meet each other under these circumstances so we could uplift each other. In that process, we become closer and find love also binding us closer to him. He said I need to fret not because our love will stand the test of time and would certainly not be temporary. Baby Girl, I have doubts too. It’s okay to have doubts as long as we recognize what’s true in the end.”

“What if the end is near?”

“Is that your heart or your mind talking?”

Robyn bit her lip and put her head down. Chris put his finger under her chin and brought it up slowly. “Tell me, Baby Girl, when did you last let your heart decide? And why are you fighting it?”

“Meeting you has made me wonder why I thought I’d be better off alone.”

He stroked her cheek. “So you gonna stop running from me and be my girlfriend?”

“I’d be honored to be your girlfriend.”

He spun her around a few times, before setting her on her feet but they never backed out of their embrace. Chris looked at her eyes then her lips. He leaned in and kissed her, and Robyn felt her head spinning. The kiss was slow, and they both were savoring every second that passed by. His tongue was between her lips, and she let him in happily. Neither of them had ever felt like this before, and the fact it was them made it that much sweeter. His tongue penetrated hers, her sweet scent, and the heat emanating from his body made their kiss loaded with passion.

They finally pulled away both of them cheesing. Chris winked, and Robyn giggled. “That was nice.”

“If you thought that was something wait until I really put my tongue to work on your inner workings,” Chris flicked his tongue at her and she laughed lightly slapping his chest. “And I’ll work them out in more ways than one.”

“You tryna raw me?”

“I wanna go raw in your heart.”

Robyn gasped. She wasn’t expecting that response, but his tone of voice stirred emotions inside of her and definitely changed the mood.

Chris lightly pressed himself against her. He pressed his lips against her ear and let out a breath, which caused Robyn’s skin to heat up. He smirked before saying what was currently on his mind. His body was on autopilot acting out every line that formed in his head. His voice was far removed from his normal soft tone but more seductive. He made sure he rubbed up against her at certain parts indicating he was willing to surrender his heart and himself to her.

Raw; no protection sliding my way in

breaking down your walls

giving you every inch...

I crave to be deep in your guts and as much as I love being inside nothing brings me a stronger climax than being deep in your thoughts

Deep in your heart

stroking your soul

stroking... until your heart and mind are on the same accord

Raw; eye contact as I strip you down wanting to see your naked truths

plucking you... until all I feel is softness

I know gold lives inside of you

I push back, you react there’s something sexy about the way you unfurl before me

I put the head in...

hoping your head is no longer a barrier of your heart I want to coat it

Penetrate deep overflowing you with love until it drips into your soul

backstrokes and breaststrokes as it creeps into your mind that you’ve let your guard go

Raw, can I raw you? May I? Slide my way in with no protection and give you every inch?

But more importantly…

The question is, can you take it?

[thebustedandtheblue]

The Busted Ch 5: Good Times Bad Times

The Busted Ch 4: Over and Over and Over

Chapter 1| Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

Days pass into weeks. Scullery duty continued, but there was a distinct air of hesitation from the rest of the crew when the two worked. There were no more incidents like with the orloni, and while the name calling and jeering still happened it wasn’t nearly as often as it had been that first day. It appeared that N’Zar had been accepted, although she suspected it was done at the behest of the officers of the Starhawk. She no longer tagged along with her charge although she did spend a bit of time with him. Eventually Yondu broke off from mess duties, and she kept washing dishes.

She still didn’t know much about him, where he was from, what he did before becoming a Ravager. What little he spoke to her was usually orders or grunts. She almost never saw him smile, and when he did, it was always with some wicked reason behind it. She had to find out from Tullk. She was scouring the sink of grime from the previous meal when he came by on his break.

“What’s Udonta’s deal?” She asked him, brushing off the grime from her trousers.

“What d’you mean?” He asked, ha

“I mean why’s he always so angry? It’s like he just wants to fight about everything all the time.”

“It’s the only thing he knows. He was a slave most of his life.”

“I figured that but I mean...I’ve known people who’ve been slaves before, I’ve never met anyone like him before.”

“Prolly cause he was a battle slave.”

N’Zar stopped mid scrub. That explains a fair amount. To fight for the Kree without actually being Kree was damn near a death sentence. She had never met one in person, but she had heard stories. They were the vanguard of the ground troops, cannon fodder. He knew her kind more as those that should be destroyed than as actual people. She felt for him, she truly did. Military life, especially forced military life, and at such a young age, was hard.

N’Zar snorted. “No wonder he hates me.”

“I don’t think he hates you. Don’t take it personally he’s like that with everyone. We just got used to it. It’s how he is.”

She was about to say something to him, when someone entered the mess. The Krylorian with the now-crooked nose from the fight.

“Captain wants to see you. He’s with the other officers.” He said.

In so many years of her life, being told to see the boss still scared her. A thousand scenarios went through her mind. She’d been found out and they’re going to send her back to Knowhere; they knew who she really was and they’re going to collect the bounty on her head; they just don’t like her and she’s getting spaced. She could feel her heart beat against her ribs as she made her way to the officers’ quarters, a slightly more spacious section of the ship, where Udonta and the officers were waiting for her. They were all sitting around a table. Stakar, his wife Aleta, his first mate Martinex, Charlie 27, Krugarr, and Yondu. The gang was all there. She stood military stiff in front of her superiors, beating against her chest twice, hard as she could, her back as straight as she could muster.

“Miss N’Zenne”, Stakar started, “We need you

“We’ve been contracted to steal this.” A section of the table shimmered and a projection of a bust of a woman adorned in black robes of obsidian. It was a fairly unimpressive thing, save for a brilliant red jewel in the center of her throat. “That is the Neramani Star. The client just wants that, not the statue. It’s currently owned by this her.” The projection changes, and a Shi’ar woman appears in the bust’s place.

N’Zar relaxed her shoulders, let her back slump slightly.  She cocked her head and looked at the ruby. It must have been the size of her fist. “All right but what does this have to do with me?”

“I’m getting to that.” Stakar said.

“We need you to trade places with this man.” another projection appeared. A Strontian man, slightly younger than the Shi’ar. “Her assistant. We need you to pose as him.”

“Oh! Oooooh. Okay I thought I was in trouble.”

The captain smirked and shook his head. “No you’re doing fine. But if you help us with this you’d be doing us a solid. So what do you want to do?”

“I’m...Wait what are you asking?”

“Give us a plan.” He motioned towards the hologram “What would you do to make it so that his employer doesn’t suspect you, and how are you going to get that stone?”

N’Zar took herself out of the room for the moment. There was a great deal more information she would need if she were to configure a plan.

“What else do you have on him?” She asked, a half demand.

“That’s all we got.”

“I think…”she started, “I’d tail him. No not tail him. Not just me anyway. Get a few guys to watch him, get his routine down, see where he goes in the span of a few days, maybe a week if this was extended. A month if this was deep cover. If this is just a day then following him for a few days or so’d do.”

“Then what?”

“If he’s got a regular place he goes, and by the look of him he probably does. Maybe a bar or he goes and spends time with someone on the weekend, go and see him then, try and chat him up and get him alone.”

“This is very elaborate, N’Zenne.”

She didn’t hear the captain.

“I’d get him alone and the others jump him and knock him out. Hide him in his house or something. Then I go in the next day, check out what she has for security and report back, and then we rob the lady.”

“Sounds like an all right plan.”

N’Zar returned to the land of the living and looked up at Stakar. “Wait what?”

“That was a bit much but we just wanted to know if you were on the same page. You’re joining Yondu here, and a few others, to go and take that stone.”

N’Zar understood now. She knew why the captain didn’t flay her outright when he found her stowed away on his ship. Her sob story did nothing to help her. He was willing to take her on whether she was tragic or not. She almost regretted spilling her guts until the thought of what she would have had to endure back on Knowhere.

“What do I get out of this?” she asked

“You get a cut, and anything else you find is yours.”

N’Zar looked at the holograph. She looked up at the officers and Udonta.

“All right, I’ll do it. Where are we going anyway?”

“Spartax.”

“Oh cool. Spartax. I have no idea where that is.”

Aleta snorted.

N’Zar walked down the sun drenched cobblestones of an old part of the Spartoi capitol. The ancient buildings of stone and glass around the open square stood dignified in contrast to the monstrous skyscrapers of downtown and the floating transports that crisscrossed the sky. There were a few booths and carts set up around them selling all manner of produce, a few selling wines or other libations. This was what she had always imagined what her ancestors’ home had once been like.

“Enough sightseeing, N’Zenne. The guy’s coming up on your left.” Udonta’s familiar abrasive drawl said through her earpiece.

And so he was. Lean, violet skinned, somewhere in his forties and running through the square like several others that morning. N’Zar wandered around him, keeping a good few meters away. The mark turned the corner of the block, she was a good ten feet away from him. The mark stopped at a crosswalk. When the signal changed, she noticed that his pace had picked up. Had he noticed her? She hung back a little bit. She didn’t want to scare him.

“Get closer, N’Zenne.” Udonta said.

“I’ll spook him if he gets closer”

“Get closer. That’s an order.”

“I’m fine.” She insisted. “You’ll lose him.

She stops and looks up into the tall buildings above her. “I know what I’m doing, Udonta.”

On a roof some five blocks away, with a very powerful pair of binoculars, a man with blue skin and a red mohawk of an implant scowled. He would not tolerate insubordination, or some little shit Skrull talking back to him.

“Get back to him. Now.” Yondu demanded, an agitated rumble in his voice.

She glared in the vicinity of the building, and returned to tailing the Strontian man.

“Don’t be so hard on her.” Tullk said from across the room. He had been monitoring her target’s movements. “It’s her first mission, Yondu.”

“She shits the bed I’m going to be the one paying for it.”

“Have some faith in her. She’s probably done this before although it probably ended with a wallet.”

Yondu grumbled. “I have a lot riding on this mission, Tullk.”

“I know.” was all Tullk said and waved him off. He looked through his own scope. The sun was still low in the morning sky, and the scope each could see her in a terran-esque shift with olive skin and dark hair. Her eyes remained the same. “She’s not that bad looking like this.” “If you like skinny green shapeshifters.” Yondu scoffed.

“What if I do?” Tullk asked.

Yondu wasn’t sure if he was trying to get a rise out of him, or if he was genuinely interested. But he turned to look at his scarred and tattooed friend. He squinted. He wasn’t sure if his friend was serious or not. Getting duped by a skrull was one thing, it was an entirely different thing to go to bed voluntarily with one. He could understand the appeal to some degree, shifting into whatever he wanted, any race, any gender, but as she was was different.

“I ain’t her keeper anymore. If you want to ask her out you do you.”

“Then maybe I will.” Tullk said, a ghost of a smile on his face. “What’s she like in bed?”

“He wouldn’t know he never got that far. And I’m not skinny!” A distinctly feminine voice said over the comms. The two men had momentarily forgotten they were still speaking over an open channel. Somewhere in orbit around Spartax, in the officers quarters on board the Starhawk, Aleta Ogord let out a horsey peal of laughter.

She wasn’t that skinny. Not anymore. A few good-ish meals on the Starhawk saw to that. She was lean, but she wasn’t skinny. What would Udonta know anyway.

She followed her orders, catching up to the mark. The old buildings fell away to modern homes. More angular and dull rowhouses. She saw him walk up a flight of stairs to one of the last traditional-looking brick buildings on the street. It was a modest thing of two stories and made of red and creme brick. She walked passed the building, making note as he walked into the house.

“Now we know where he lives. So now what?”

“Wait there, N’Zenne.”

A small and growing blip in the sky came down, a transport, parking a block away from the house. From the cabin of the car came Yondu and Tullk.

“Alright so now what do we do?” She asked once again.

Yondu looked up at the building.

“Y’think you can turn into a bird?” He asks.

“Yeah but I won’t be able to fly or anything.”

“Ah...what?”

“I’m gonna be too heavy to fly, and I won’t really know how to fly since I never practiced being a bird. Might be able to glide, but I don’t think there’s enough wind to get me very far. What did you want me to do crash into the window?”

He scowled. “If you’re so smart what do we do?” Yondu grumbled.

N’Zar looked at her two partners. Both were scruffy, one was ill-tempered, the other one too many tattoos for what she had in mind, but it might still work.

“You guys got any money?”

The two men searched the pockets of their leathers. Between the two of them they had a little shy of thirty units.

“This should do us...we gotta find a thrift store.”

“Thrift store?” Yondu asked.

“Yeah a thrift store! That transport got a GPS?”

He was in the midst of dressing for work when the doorbell rang. He wasn’t expecting company, but perhaps it was that package from home he had been waiting on? The one his father said he would have to sign for. The strontian man heard the doorbell ring again, this time with some slight urgency. Down the stairs he went to see three figures behind the frosted glass. He opened the door and in front of him was a small strontian woman holding a very thick, dog-eared book. Her outfit was conservative, a dark skirt and blazer, with a white shirt and dark tights. Around her neck she wore a bright gold ankh. Behind her were two men in a similar mode of dress. They all looked rather tired and haggard, with beads of sweat from the summer heat on their faces, and dark patches under their arms.

The woman gave him a toothy smile. “Excuse me sir, I hate to be a bother on this very lovely morning, but do you have a moment to talk about the Magus? It will only be a moment of your time.”

Unies. Great.

“I’m very sorry but I don’t have the time right now.” He said, and began to close the door only to have it stopped by her foot in the threshold.

“Perhaps some other time then?” She squeaked. “I could come back later today if you’d be so inclined.”

She was being persistent, and from the looks of her she had been running around in those clothes most of the morning. He looked into her sad golden eyes. He honestly shouldn’t. The two behind her looked mean, and the Centaurian in particular looked like he was ready to stab someone His employer does not like to be left waiting, and he generally was not a fan of the Universal Church of Truth, but at the very least he could be polite and let her in for a glass of water.

He sighed, and opened the door wider to let her and her compatriots in.

She gave a slight curtsy and the three walked into the house. The Centaruian kept his eyes forward, not even looking at his host. The last one, a man with scars and tattoos, came up to the man and shook his hand heartily. “Thank ye very much, sir.” He said, sticking a small metal disc to his hand. He looked into the man’s face, a wicked grin on his face. Behind the two men the Strontian woman’s violet skin was changing to an olive green. Her hand was reaching for something around her wrist, and it was the last thing he saw before a shock and the floor rushing up to him.

[safyresky]

alphabetti tag game!!! not actually what it’s called but i’m calling it that anywho, I was tagged by the lovely @mellomadness and the rules are simple: answer the questions and tag pals and such you wanna know more about!

a // age: 22

b // birthplace: Mississauga ON

c // current time: 6:19pm

d // drink you last had: diet coke

e // easiest person to talk to: my housemate n pal @thewayhistoryiswritten and my biffer @shittyelfwriter and also the fluff! (coincidentally, I’m tagging u two :*)

f // favourite songs: Helena by MCR (all their songs really), Nine in the Afternoon, Dancing’s Not a Crime, The Overpass, Don’t Threaten Me With A Good Time, and There’s a Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven’t Thought of it Yet  by Panic! At The Disco, Different Colours and Portugal by WALK THE MOON, Uptown Funk and 24k Magic by Bruno Mars, Sober Up by AJR, and River by Bishop Briggs

g // grossest memory: definitely the night I had a real bad stomach ache when I was like 12 or 13 and just threw up a ton of spaghetti undigested from 3am to 4am, I didn’t even EAT that much spaghetti and haven’t been able to eat paskets with sauce since

h // horror yes or horror no: blood and gore horror movies? no. pshycological horrors? on thin fuckin ice bc the anxiety those give--yikes. aestehtic halloween horror? heck yeah

i // in love: with Richard, the fluff, my boyfriend of like. 6ish years! guys he’s so cute he’s real sweet and very silly and he could yeet me across the room if I asked and he’s CUDDLY and FUNNY and anyway I love one (1) man (lately i;ve been calling him my blover bc of a drunk dani mix up of two words, and i kinda like it)

j // jealous of people: jealousy is my downfall, it’s bad, sometimes a girl could look at Richard and act friendly with him and it’s like. heckles raised, ready to fight

k // there is no k for some reason so I’m making one up and it’s kodak moment so like, a very fun memory that would be, according to those old comemrcials, a kodak moment(tm), and I gotta tell you about this one funny thing ok so, one day my dad mopped the downstairs floor and then shot me with a water gun and I had one in my closet so I ran downstairs and got him back and then we started chasing each other around the house and shooting these dinky ass mcdonalds brand water pistols and we both slipped because dad had just mopped and he went sliding into the kitchen feet first and I went sliding into the living room feet first (so it looked like this:  | __ ) and the fireplace stopped my slide and my mom’s legs stopped Dad’s slide and she just looked at us like “you absolute fucking dumbasses”

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again?: Love takes time, and patience, and communication. It could take lots of time, or maybe a few days, but either way it takes time so maybe walk by again and introduce urself and go on a date and see where it goes and how u feel

m // middle name: I have 2 but bc internet safety lectures are yelling in me brain, have the one: Rosemarie

n // number of siblings: 2! one brother and one sister!

o // one wish: to make people happy and safe :)

p // person called last: my neighbour Sharon!! There’s a nasty chain of thunder storms hitting us so I wanted to make sure she was ok bc she’s like this 60ish year old lady who lives by herself with 5 cats and a dog so yeah. She’s also soo NICE to us??? fuckin EH I love Sharon

q // questions you’re always asked: are you spanish? did you write remnants? who does your eyebrows?

r // another letter without a prompt so!! I’m gonna make one and it’s gonna be rain or sun? and honestly i think currently sun bc the rain we’re getting rn is flooding the block. Nice rain shower? where the sound is soothing and there’s a rainbow somewhere? nice B) torrential downpour with hail and power outages and flash flooding and 100kmh winds? (120mph ish) No Thank You

s // song you last sang: Do You Know What I’m Seeing? by PatD (been stuck in my head ALL DAY, prolly bc of the weather)

t // time you woke up: 7am babs!

u // underwear colour: 3 shades of gray

v // vacation destination: okay tbh my fave vacation destination that is doable has to be a lovely cottage by a lake with shitty cell service so I dont have obligations to call the fam and can just relax with the fluff and swim and soak up that vitamin d lads! 

other ideal vacations: hawaii: meet Ana, chill by a body of water, see waterfalls, etc. etc. I would want to see the bolvano but uh, the bolvano kinda fuckin destroyed the view place 3 months ago and is STILL going so that may not be a thing any time soon, heh. I’d also wanan go to that greecian island town in Mamma Mia cause dang it’s gorgeous

Dream vacation tho? Definitely a Grand Tour a la the Renaissance folks, catch me reading EVERY SIGN as I walk through fucking POMPEII bitches

w // worst habit: pulling my hangnails D: it’s destroyed the sides of my fingers/nails and I WAS painting my nails to stop it but then my nails took a hit so I stopped and guess who IMMEDIATELY picked at the smollest hangnails again? me D:

x // x-rays: only my teeths so far!!!

y // your favourite food: mashed potatoes (heart eyes)

z // zodiac sign: Libra!

I’m going to tag @shittyelfwriter, @thewayhistoryiswritten, @dona-in-character, anddddd anyone else who would like to do this!! consider it a general tag!!!! And then tag me when you do do it!! (and if you can think of a better R plz holla @ me)

[yoinkmyheart]

hidden identities [iii]

hidden identities: part i // part ii

pairing: peter parker x superhero!f!reader word count: 1.9k warnings: violence, blood mention, prolly swearing let’s be real, sm:h spoiler (that scene under the bridge w childish gambino) summary: reader is one of peter’s best friends and has so far successfully hidden the fact that she’s a butt-kicking superhero by night until she finds herself fighting side-by-side with spider-man and getting a little injured.

dedicated to: a v v kind anon! “Duuuuuuude hidden identities is so good???!???!?!??!!!!! Like phew, they way you write Peter is so in character!!! I’m loving it and I’m so excited for part 3 😄💙💜 “

a/n: honestly, you guys are such kind readers! agh! anyway, here’s part 3. I left it so that I could do a part 4, so message me if you want one! otherwise i’ll probably leave it here folks ;) 

You only lived a couple blocks away from Liz, so you decided to walk the quiet roads to get there. Unfortunately, you miscalculated how fast you could walk and therefore how fast you could get there. 

So now you were running a little bit later than fashionably late to Liz’s party.

You had your suit tucked away in a small bag. You’d been horrified of the idea of you being unprepared in a event when you were needed and so in the end, decided that you’d bring it along.

It was your last intentions to actually put the suit to use, especially as you’d wanted to enjoy this party. Not just for Peter but for you. You were tired. The clash of school and heroism straight after school finally taking a toll on you.

However, as you rounded the corner, you realized that they—whichever star-lord was out there in the galaxy watching over your fortunes—were not about to give you a break.

You heard a electrifying blast behind you. You whipped your head around to see a puff of blue smoke in the distance and suddenly, you were jumping into a bush and changing out of your jeans and t-shirt.

When you finally emerged, you were none other than your alter-ego: Ghost.

You’d arrived at the scene of the mysterious blue smoke and the journey there, which you ran, was spent invisible. You easily snuck to the under-bridge and were now watching a bunch of men trade and test deadly weapons as if they were toys.

Apart from the three other men, you realized you were by yourself. In any other situation, you’d have found this easy, but whatever weapons those dudes had could harm you really badly. 

But you couldn’t just stand there and watch this happen in front of you?!

You kept yourself invisible and started walking as quietly as you could towards the white van. The dude with a weapon attached around his hand was checking out the weapons in the van, looking for something to convince the buyer.

Sneaking closer to the van, you peered in. Then something clicked.

Whoever these guys were, they must’ve been the same people who gave the faux-vengers their weapons of bank/deli destruction.

You were still lost in thought, astonished and marveling at the weapons when you were abruptly ripped back to reality with- yodelling?

Wait. Isn’t that Peter’s ringtone?

“Okay, what the hell was that?” One of the dealers asked, confused. Apparently they hadn’t expected it either. The ringtone whatever was still going when one of the dealers pulled out a gun.

“Did you set us up?” He asked the buyer at gunpoint, who had flung his hands up in defense. You looked between them

Just as you acted on impulse and twisted the man’s arm that held the gun, Spider-man jumped down from (seemingly) no where. Attracting all attention to him.

“Hey, come on, if you’re gonna shoot somethin-” The man fell to the ground, your hand still on his arm, twisting it so he dropped the gun. You kicked the gun away and pushed him down.

At this distraction, the buyer jumped into the car. You turned yourself visible, making the other dealer’s aware of your presence. He looked at you wide-eyed, and now, so did Spidey.

“Sorry I didn’t introduce myself, that was rude,” You smirked at the dealer.

He shook his arm, which powered up the weapon still strapped around it. It glowed a dangerous electric blue, and before you knew it, he was swinging at you.

Spiderman jumped in at the last minute, taking the brunt of the force. With Spidey down, the two dealers looked like they were going to make a run for it. You looked between the van and a hurt Spider-man.

Sorry Spidey.

You turned yourself invisible and jumped into the van unnoticed. The men were looking for you but obviously had different priorities as they started to speed away, the van doors still wide open.

To your surprise, Spider-man had come-to and shot a web out to the van. Dragging him as the van swerved and sped down the empty roads. He smashed into a bunch of bins and you winced.

Oh my god, that has got to hurt.

With Spider-man screaming down the street, you didn’t know what you could do. You were sitting behind the dealer who was blocking the van doors, so all you could do was stare helplessly at the crime-fighter being hauled.

Come on, Y/N! Do something, anything.

“We’ve got to call him” The dealer driving said, which only gained a uninterested,  yeah, yeah, from his accomplice. The accomplice hauling one of the guns up, which lit up a bright pink.

You watched as he took aim at Spidey, and just as he pressed the button, you kicked his hand, making him miss and hit some bins on the sidewalk. The man looked around, now aware that you were in here somewhere.

“We’ve got company!” He yelled to the man in the front, who’d already decided to call whoever him was. You were just hoping the call wouldn’t go through. 

Looking past the weapon-insane man, you looked out to Spider-man who’d just taken a particularly big hit on a brick mailbox. With his web cut, you watched as you tried to web the end of the van once more, catching the van door which snapped off.

Great. Now you’re stuck in a van. With no back-up hero or sidekick. Full of weapons. Invisible. While a man who knows how to function all-said weapons knows you’re here. 

You’re done for.

“Come out, come out, wherever you are,” The man sing-songed. He was scanning the van with beady eyes, waiting for you to move. You stayed statue still, not giving him the satisfaction of discovering you.

He shook his arm, his weapon powering up.

He’s going to just punch randomly and hope for the best. Oh god.

You breathed in and out. You still had the upper hand. You were invisible. He wouldn’t know if you were going to make a hit. You let a few minutes pass, lulling him into a false sense of security.

With a great pow, you punched him in the face. His head snapping back. You grabbed one of the weapons, and whacked him over the head with it. He fell on his butt, but he swung his arm out, zapping you in the process.

The weapon knocked you back, knocking the air out from you, as you struggled to breathe. At this, you had suddenly turned visible. You had risen into a crouched position and had your back towards the open van’s back. 

Even if you turned yourself invisible again, there was no where to run. The man smirked at you, his nose already forming an ugly bruise, his arm-weapon glowing a menacing blue.

So, with no where to run, you did the next best thing. You stepped back out of the van, awaiting the inevitable sting of the pavement only to be suddenly yanked upwards.

You looked up, realizing that Spidey had caught you with his web and was being hulled higher and higher by a dude in a big ass mechanical suit. What the fuck?

The gravity of the situation finally hit you. Gravity. This dude was going to drop you and he was only going higher and higher. Oh my god, you’re going to die. 

You started blinking back tears and screams, as you heard Spider-man struggling from above you. His web must’ve been pretty goddamn strong, because you were still holding on.

Apparently, you spoke too soon. You faintly heard beeping from above you before the web snapped, making you plummet faster and faster to the water. You twisted to make your falling at least a little slower.

Suddenly, you felt arms wrap around you. You felt a lot more air resistance, slowing your descent just enough to avoid breaking any bones. At the last second, whoever had their arms around you twisted so they’d be the one to slam into impact.

You shut your eyes, and in a big splash, you were engulfed in darkness and chilling water

Someone dropped you down onto ground and out of the water, you coughed up water from your lungs. You ripped your mask off, in an attempt to stop the suffocating feeling,  not caring at all about keeping your identity hidden. Caring a lot more about keeping yourself alive.

You realized that you didn’t get out on your own. Spider-Man, who had also taken off his mask but had his back to you, was crawling out of the water as well and-

Iron Man?!

Iron man nodded in your direction and Spider-Man flipped around, confirming your past suspicions about the superhero. Looking at you, his hair damp with eyes wider than his masks own, was Peter Parker.

“Y/N?!”

Peter was shell-shocked. He had suspected Y/N Y/L/N to be invisible girl, but he couldn’t handle the idea of it, so he had quickly dismissed it before. Once he got over his shock, he ran up to you and trapped you into a bone-crushing hug.

“You could’ve died Y/N! What were you thinking? You’re invisible girl? You’ve been putting yourself in danger!” He said, in rapid fire. He was not holding you by the shoulders and looking at you. You simply replied by hugging him back, nestling your head into his chest.

You could’ve just died.

He hugged you back and you stayed like that for a couple of moments until-

“A-hem”

Forgetting Iron Man’s presence, you split apart and turned towards the floating red suit. You knew that Peter had to talk to him alone, so you turned away and sat on one of the swings on the farther end of the playground. 

Surely, it was Mr. Stark who was mentoring Peter. After all, every time Spidey would come up, Peter would be at the “Stark Internship”. You hadn’t realized but you’d started crying.

You nearly just died. So did Peter. If Peter had died saving you, you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself. Trapping yourself in that van was such a stupid idea. What were you thinking.

You cried into your palms, the cold biting you, and your hair surrounding you. It was then that you heard Mr. Stark softly finish with, “Go take care of your girlfriend,” before blasting off.

“Y/N?” You looked up at Peter with red, tired eyes. Peter’s suit looked completely dry at this point. He pulled you into another hug, suddenly making you feel his warmth.

“You could’ve died. Y/N- I- I don’t know what I would’ve done if you had died,” He played with your hair, and whispered this out softly. You hugged him tighter, scared that you’d lose him.

“I know Pete, I know,” You mumbled.

You pulled away, looking into his eyes, his brown ones filled with genuine worry for you. That’s when you noticed he was crying. Even before, when he didn’t know your hidden identity, he’d been scared of your death. But now, now he knew that it was his best friend, you, so close to dying.

He wasn’t just scared of the thought of your death, it broke him apart.

While he was looking down at you, just as you’d noticed his tears, he’d realized he’d loved you. More than Liz. More than saving people. He loved everything about you. He loved how you’d been there for him through everything. He loved how kind and caring you were. He loved your snarky sense of humor. He loved you.

So there, under the light of the moon that night. Two best friends who fell hard for each other, looked into each other’s eyes. Leaning closer and closer to each other, and kissed.

yIkES. idk how to feel about this because i sUCk and kinda rushed this! aNywHOooOo sorry it’s so late omg. it’s not good enough for it to be this late YOKES. thanks for reading! feedback is appreciated & encouraged! x

tags: @holywinchesterness + @lunastarwatcher + @booya–18 + @caitsymichelle13 + @parker—peter + @sylviestars + @captainsherlockwinchester110283 + @rosaetum + @slythergirlimagines + @lionfart + @africanqueen2002 + @5-seconds-of-sarcasmm + @peter-pan-hoe love y’all  ♡

[dearbigman]

thanks

well okay now i dont know whether u stopped reading or not haha

maybe u read my mind?? HAHA

but thanks for really proving me ure doing well!! So glad that Andrea is a good singer!! I didnt go to listen to the sounds ‘cause well I’m at work and I’ll cry a river if it’s OMY. I would probably cry just hearing your guitar. I would definitely cry if I hear your voice. Well anyway, hope your acoustic gig goes well!! idk when this is haha.

Are you going to buy that acoustic pedal for this gig? Yaknow I’ve been thinking of giving that as a parting gift? haha. that’s just gonna hurt you more wont it. My language of love is clearly giving things and service haha.

Sorry that I blocked you again on tele - well I didnt really but my friend Malcolm did. He just doesnt want me to “relapse” again and I’m sure it’s the best for you too. I’ll prolly just drag u back to sadness if that ever happens.

That being said, please expect my relapse haha. When it comes to that, please be strong and just remember it’s a possessed tam. She’s not herself. It’s her anxieto and depresso talking. I cant emphasise enough how GREAT you are. I’m running out of ways to describe your greatness, cause 99% of the things you did for the past year has been just top notch greatness. Nothing less.

I cried last night so I feel better in the afternoon. Did you know I disabled my bed-time silent mode because I had a feeling you’d send me something? And you really did? How impressive was I to foresee that coming?? hahaha

haha

ha

If only you can give me a night to cry my ass out, just squeeze me dry. Tell me all things honestly and dont sugarcoat things. Just stab me everywhere so I can bleed it all out. I’m tired of staying on my toes so I can avoid crying in public. My eyes are constantly red from holding back surprise tears. I just want to cry it all out in 1 shot and move on with life.

Right now I feel like 2 things will be the key ingredient to my closure: seeing you happy and doing well in whatever you do, and me crying my ass out.

Please tell me things through Yokes or if you dare Mark. I’m still damn fucking nosy about you HAHAHA Hope you vent out about us to someone. I heard from Yokes it’s probably Tiff? Dont bottle this like that time u went breakdown.

I told yokes knowing you, you’ll definitely move on from me in 1 month. You’ll find some other girl to text. Like Nicole after Nikki, or Bee after Nicole. If only I can do that too. It’s almost 1 week and I’m still going downhill. I wonder when I can hit rock bottom so I know the only way after that is up.

I love you Darren

I’m so sorry for hurting you.

I’m so thankful for having you, albeit shortwhile.

You’re my first and it’s a great start for me.

[drarryislifebetch]

STORY TIME!

I've just been wanting to get this out because it's been stuck in my head for a while now and I don't think I can hold it in (+_+)

( Tw: abuse, self harm )

So anyways, back in around August/September 2018 I was added to this one group chat by a mutual friend and already felt out of place. I spoke to ONE person and that was about it. We bonded over questionable things for people who barely know each other things like casual flirting, kinks and what not. In the beginning it was all she wanted to talk about (we both are girls) and it would always end in me asking sorry for whatever reason and her acting up and just making me feel like shit in general.

She's around 2-3 years younger than me and she was 14 when we first spoke. Yeah I didn't know she was that young until much later. And we'd be talking random shit, we got pretty close but she never once showed me her face. Understandable tho, I wouldn't advise you to go sending pics of you to someone you've been talking to for just a month. We shared our stories, gossiped, bitched about ppl we hated and what not. But we tried to talk as much as possible despite the time zones.

She had this one friend. She's 14 ig? Prolly 15 now idek. So one day, my mutual told me she was hanging out with her best friend (Lee) and she kept sending me pics and videos of the girl. I just thought, hey friends doing weird shit together, nothing much. I replied that Lee was cute. A 14 year old child, I didn't think any other way. She just kept on sending me pics and videos and I told her to stop, it wasn't good. She did.

Lee texted me not even a few minutes later. She's like Hey, heard you been calling me cute sup. And I'm like yea you are a cute girl. She took the compliment tho, she said she wanted to get to know me better. And this is where I made a mistake. I thought probably we'd just get along and talk, the three of us. but she had other plans.

We talked a lot, she got to know I was Bi from my mutual, I told her I was, and asked her why. she just let it be. Then after we started talking for a while, my mutual (let's just call her Ri), To texts me she needed my help and that Lee liked someone. I was down to help. They kept me waiting and I eventually found out they were talking about me.

Lee liked me.

This is the first time someone, let alone another girl, has told me they liked me and I was just blank. She told me I made her Bi. And she really wants to be more than friends with me. I didn't know how to respond and I just told her I needed to think about it. She just replied okay, and Ri was worried about Lee, that I'd done something wrong to upset her or smth. I was already going through a tough time mentally due to issues in school and so I didn't want to deal with anything else.

First things first, she's a child. Say what you want but 14 year olds have much more important things to worry about than a virtual love life over fan accounts across seas. I know distance isnt an issue when you truly love someone but is 14 the age to decide?

I also had my Assignments during that time so I couldn't really go online but when I did get back, I had a lot to hear from Ri. She was MAD at me like FURIOUS mad.

I'm like dude, what do you want me to do. She's like idk just make her happy again and then I texted Lee, she asked me the same question and I replied I don't really think I'm ready for this right now. I didn't know what to say. She was a sweet girl and the things that ri told me Lee was doing to herself was just upsetting me too much.

Apparently she hadn't been eating, she had shit out people because I wasn't responding to their texts and she had been burning her fingers. Like lit matchsticks to her hands. I was overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do what to say ANYTHING.

So I just let her be and she thought I'd agreed on our "relationship" if there was ever one. Like she used to text me if she could call me papi because I called everyone bub. I was like go ahead I guess idek what that means. It went too far and she started sending me too many confession texts and it only made me feel guilty.

So I told ri I couldn't do it anymore and she blames me. I don't know if she's right or wrong and she never listened to what I had to say anyways so I told Lee I didn't want to do this because of a certain incident prior to this and I opened up to her about a story of how I was inappropriately stalked and touched by someone I trusted. So I told her I don't want anything to do with online relationships and so I'd appreciate if she understood and if we could go back to being friends. She just replied, "I know you like Ri. I'm sorry, I won't bother you anymore" and I was like WHAT.

she took a look at mine and ri's previous texts and she thought I liked her because all ri talked about was getting laid and her trying to dominate me. I told her a hundred times to change her behaviour, and not speak that way but, as I told, she could care less about what I had to say.

This shit took another turn when Ri came back online. She was like you ruined our friendship and whatever whatever and she wanted nothing to do with me. I was like as long as I can get out of this mess, I'll take anything I can.

We didn't speak much at all after that, and one day she'd posted a question poll and I thought I didn't want to lose a friend so I just chimed in and typed in 'tbh?' and she replied. Now I wish she hadn't.

Quoting her exact words, 'tbh when it was good it was good. But you turned out to be a lying piece of shit who goes around hurting people just because you couldn't hold your shit together.' and Idek. You guessed it.

that hit my weak spot, my self esteem went underground and beyond and I was a wreck, damn. Then I spoke to my irl friend, only about the last part didn't really feel like saying everything and all she told me was this- 'if you aren't on good terms with them now, there's a reason. Don't beat yourself up on what they think about you. I know you, and please open your eyes and see yourself. Don't let them tell you what you should feel about yourself.'

And I felt better. Although I cried during that break. It felt better to just let it all out.

Why am I telling all this shit now?

I guy I know is probably into me, according to my friends, and he just called me. And I remembered all of this when I heard his voice.

So yea just thought I'd share it with you.

One thing tho, if you want to care for someone, do so. In a pure way. She think I was probably a lusting horny 16 year old and now that we've blocked each other on every social media handle, I can't check on them even if I want to. Before you speak think twice of the consequences, take it however you want, you might be "leading on" a child or you may ruin someone's entire perspective of love, or crush their self esteem that they've been struggling with.

So yea, take care of yourselves, love yourself first, make yourself your first priority, relationships can come later. Thanks for listening to this shit here's a puppy

[nottebuio3006]

In a way, if we are to assume that Rebecca really did just coldly block me outta fucking no where, then there’s a part of me that thinks she really is trying to just purposely create a “stalker” out of me. Now naturally I understand this will sound highly controversial but the fact is really plain: she ripped the rug out from underneath me so fuckinh randomly, and without ANY warning at all, after talking to me every day for hours for YEARS, that it’s like …if this isn’t the way someone would create a really angry and upset person, who feels horrifically betrayed and wrong, then what other fucking way is there?

For the truth of the matter is that I have absolutely never felt so absurdly  betrayed before in my life. I mean, everyone gets betrayed from time to time, absolutely, but there is something different about this. I can’t stress that enough. There is something so different about this. For example,  I had an ex girlfriend who cheated on me and humiliated me and left me more times than you can imagine …and up until this bullshit, I more or less thought that she had peaked the threshold of betrayal and what it would feel like. What has happened now though, if Rebecca really did just block me, is beyond that. It’s far beyond that , and the reason is because she did it so randomly, literally during a week when she had confided in me almosr more than ever, telling me we were best friends et cetera, more than ever. It just feels like she purposely grabbed my hand and led me into this really comfortable, cozy, and beautifully safe place, where I thought I just had this really awesome cool friend, and then all of a sudden she just fucking pulled a black bag down over my head and started to suffocate me and kick the shit out of me with five insane fucking dudes. Like she literally just led me like an innocent lamb to slaughter. The entire thing feels like one huge almost years long massive set up in the making. But it’s just like….how in good fuck could anyone be THAT dementedly evil? I guess in a world like this it’s possible…but it don’t make it any less sad or crazy.

Never in my life was I taken by such surprise as this. Ever in my entire life. Every other time I’ve been betrayed there was always some sense it was coming, at least a minor sense of it. There was always some slight smell of it in the air. Take a situation where you think one of your friends might start trying to pursue your girlfriend. That sort of thing was always ridiculously easy to see comin. In fact it was so easy to see coming that you’d often just sort of blatantly assume any random guy friend, no matter how good of a friend, might have it in him to do it. So when it happens you flip out, naturally, but you’re almost not really surprised. You always sorta have the guard up …one eye peeled. With relationships, even with a marriage I think, it’s just that way. The person is always in some danger of leaving you. Screwing you over. Cheating on you. So when it happens you oftentime only feel a hurt so deeply – unless of course you’re a naive fool who seriously never even envisioned it.

A friendship though? It’s like I can’t wrap my mind around it. With a friendship I guess I am naive! I never expected this with a friendship! I never had the guard up, never kept the eye peeled, never even slightly fuckin prepared. Because…What is even the sense of betraying a friend like this? Of just abandoning me and leaving me in the dust like this? What in fuck is even the sense of it? It doesn’t make any sense to me … AT ALL. What satisfaction does one get abandoning a friend with whom they were not fighting? What reward?

Which is why the only way to describe it is as I said: she is , so it seems, purposely trying to ignite the sort of fire that her baby daddies seem to have for her – cept she’s doing it with me. The thought really hasn’t left me for the entire week this has gone on now. She’s trying to turn our friendship and our “love” and our connection, whatever it was, into something just as firey and out of control as what she has with those fucking imbeciles. Is it working? From a certain angle, it absolutrly is: never in my entire experience with Rebecca now have I felt as impassioned about her as I do now. The style in which she ripped herself out so randomly has absolutrly started a “fire” of passion inside me, one I haven’t felt in a decade now. She’s been on my mind easentially 24:7 for a week now. I haven’t obsessed over anyone this much in years…

But the issue is ..like…who the fuck even wants to feel this way? If she thinks this is what love is I just think she’s wrong, I guess. I don’t agree with this. I think this emotion feels shitty. I think it almost even, as alive as it is, it almost feels sort of “dead”. I don’t know how to describe it really, I think it’s just that it’s too wrapped up with suspicion, and betrayal, anger and hate to be a real loving emotion. The love has all been burned out of it. What we had before was better, but not for her I guess, because she has now become completely accustomed to these psychotic dudes who bang on the doors at 2am, who start choking her if she says she doesn’t wanna see them, who barge into the house and practically rape the hell out of her, as she’s probably in tears, the moment they want her back. I just can’t operate like that. Do I understand the almost pornographic sex appeal of it? Sure. I guess. And I know she likes that sort of sex, because she essentislly admitted it….

But I also understand why someone would wanna shoot dope and smoke crack…and I ain’t fuckinf doing that! I just…it’s so sad. To see that she really is this dark. Before I knew she had a definite darkness but it was as though she had some semblance of control over it. I knew she was into that sort of extreme “rape sex” bullshit and it kinda weirded me out but I tried to …understand it?

Now though I look at it and I am just seeing a real dark weird story. It’s almost as though it’s obvious now that she has perhaps lost touch with reality that badly throughout these years with these madmen. She’s lost touch with it so bad that she now thinks love isn’t real UNLESS it’s that sort of dead serious, screaming , banging on doors , angry pursuit , mad sex, is what is happening. She is wrong. Anyone who feels that this is what it has to be, in my view, is wrong. I mean, is there a part of me that just wants to hand mysef over to this emotion and this fire she so clearly (even, in my opinion, subconsciously) wants to ignite? Absolutrly. I want to run after her and chase her and start a hot pursuit. Like instinct. But then I stop and think: what kind of fucking rejected asshole needs this kind of “proof” anyways? If she really needs this sort of pursuit to “trust” that I have passion for her, she’s a fucking TOOL, and fuck her. And my idea is that she herself might be gradually growing angrier and angrier due to the way she has now seen my approach is nothing like these other dudes approach has ever been. I think she was expecting me to seriously flip out far more than I did. I think she was expecting 30 emails instead of just the two rather short ones I sent. I think she was expecting 100 texts and calls from random numbers rather than the five texts and 2 or 3 calls I made. I think she was expecting me to try and add her on that Instagram 40 times, etc. She thought I was gonna show up there by now banging on that door. I think shes sitting there unable to believe I haven’t, and I vasically think it’s making this weird dark evil part of her VERY mad. And as for the “good” part of her (which I’m sur is still partially there) I thin the good part of her is shocked…cause she’s literally never been wjth anyone normal, I now realize. I mean I know her relationship history like the back of my own hand. I know she’s never been pursued by any man in a non violent way. From 18-23 she was with the first psycho baby daddy (her first dude) and then from 23-now basically she’s been with this one. Two guys who basically endlessly stalked her, harassed her, publicly talked shit about her, violently pursued her, and randomly showed up at her residence every time she even tried to leave for a night. Two guys who definitry called 600 times apiece from different numbers. Two guys who probably, if they sent an email, didn’t even bother to wait a single second before they were typing that she was a slut and a whore and a bitch for blocking them et cetera. Meanwhile I’ve sent what I’ve sent and none of it has been even slightly angry . Am I angry ? Fucking absolutely I am. But I ain’t gonna show it just like I ain’t gonna show up there flipping out….

Here, for example, is the last email I sent her, yesterday. Reading over it again now, I think it was such a good one that I need not bother writing another. The first one I sent was sorta half assed. Didn’t like it much. I wasn’t angry in it but I was, I dunno, a little more full of emotion. The second one I really nailed how I felt, and when I look at it from this perspective of “she’s expecting a madman”, it’s just hilarious to read what I wrote . She’s prolly sitting there unable to fathom how polite I’m still being— even as i sit here thinking she’s prolly just betrayed the living fuck out of me:

Rebecca, can you please just contact me to let me know you’re alive and well? We never have to talk again, it’s OKAY! I just want to know you’re ok, and not hurt. Please. I have moved on past many people, I told you that before , I’ll be perfectly fine. I’m not going to get angry like you might be accustomed to with Jim, et cetera. I’m ok. I just need to know you’re okay, cause right now I can’t really know for sure…it’s so out of character and ridiculous that it seems you may have actually been hurt and that I’ve been wrong to just automatically assume you’re blocking me. Please. Just let me know you’re ok and you will never hear from me again.

P.s. A song for thee just to show I am really thinking of you Rebecca!!! : (YouTube link to a private video just for her, me playing a song i wrote on piano)

Please just let me out of this worry / fear box. It’s terrible to be sitting here thinking I might just be misreading all of tis and that something horrific has actually befallen you . I need to know Rebecca. It’s ok. I’m …I’m really scared, but I’m ready, if it’s something extreme. Or. Like I said, you can just let me know you’re there, and not say anything further. I’m just, like, I can’t even think straight, because I have no idea what this all means. I can’t stress enough: if this really all is just a blocking and cutting out of your life, and you’re not sick or something, I’m okay with it. I understand . I often talked too much and prolly you were overwhelmed . It’s alright Rebecca! I’ll leave you alone forever. I just need to know you’re ok!!

If there was another way to find out, I would use that way and not contact you!!! But we don’t have anyone in common except Jim, and quite frankly, I don’t really want to contact him — cus, considering his arrest just a few days before your random vanishing , I have a strong feeling he has something to do with this. Please just let me know. I’m begging you. It’s ok to say goodbye. Don’t feel bad. Just let me out of this box of total fear and mystery!!!!

See now though I feel I’m entering into a sort of hot box territory, now that we are heading into the second week and all. Like I feel that , going through the first week without getting angry and calling 100 times was definitely probsbly shocking to her — but she thinks I’m gonna lose patience soon. In my head she’s just sitting there grinning and twiddling her thumbs in a way thinking to hersef that, ok, he didn’t lose patience and go mad this week, hmm…but next week he will, he absolutely will. So I feel now I’m coming to a big challenge , cus I do feel like my patience is seriously running thin, and I do feel like I just want to find out IMMEDIATELY what the fuck is going on— but I can’t fuckin let myself. This girl needs to learn her fucking lesson just like I wrote Jeanie did. I know for a fact that I burned the ever sweet living shit out of Jeanie the final time she betrayed me (and remember I saw those old betrayals coming rverytime). But Jeanie was similar wiyh this sickness: The final time she betrayed me she thought it was all still a joke and that I would go crazier than ever before to pursue her. Instesd I told her I would never talk to her again, and I didn’t, not for almost 5 and ½ years until she came to see me ! And before that she tried numerous times, after about 7 months was up, to add me on facebook, send me messages, et cetera. She had been expecting a hot firey pursuit and I just went deathly cold. Well, with Rebecca it all evens far more heightened than that, due again to the randomness and also her very very singular focus .

See that’s the thing that I feel the reader of all of this might not understand: Rebecca isn’t really the sort of person who could have any reason *besides* the evil reason I’m listing, to cut someone off, because she is that kind of person who it seems never lets people go and who focuses VERY heavy on them. She is not someone with many friends. She doesn’t have 4 other people she can talk to about all of this. She doesn’t even really have one person! Jeanie always had a milion people to go run off of and stay occupied with when she would “betray” me and fuvk me over. Rebecca has nobody, literally nobody, and unless she magically found a way to meet all new people over night in that isolated dead quiet town of hers, she still has nobody. Hence I know she’s sitting there an she’s absolutely GOT TO be feeling at least something similar to what I’m feeling now. She’s absolutely got to be feeling my absence. If she isn’t she literally isn’t human. And long story short but this is more or less why im so convinced that there are really only two real reasons for this bullshit. She’s sither purposely trying to start some insanely jealous, angry “love” fire, or she’s just actually sick or hurt or destroyed in some way. There’s no fucking in between here. I’m positive of it. She’s a sick twisted completely damaged WOMAN who thinks this sort of angry betrayal shit is love….

In the end I guess I should have known really, that she would ultimately wind up trying to do something to me like this, but since I was never her boyfriend I suppose I felt I would be “exempt” from it. Then of course she sorta came onto me and I came onto her so I guess now she almost, like, *immediately* reverted to this weirdo approach— which is really the craziest part of all. Like we literally only passed a few very light hearted jokes about “feelings”, we never even spoke of them in reality …we never kissed, slept together, never even hugged her /– but it was like she resorted to this the MOMENT she realized I maybe had “some ” feelings for her. As though the very second she saw there was even a single little spark lying around she grabbed it and tried to ignite this huge enormous fire. And of course what I think is so weird is how it took until this now for me to see just how severely damaged and fuckdd up she is. I didn’t , even after everything she told me, I don’t think I ever really saw her as being that fuckdd up or unhealthy or anything. I somehow took in all these extreme stories about her and her insanely abusive relationships and her weird rape sex fetish and somehow never saw her as being demented. I just saw it as sad. Now I’m really seeing it as demented because she’s applying it to me. She wants me to play in it. Do you sorta get what I mean???

There’s also the interesting fact that I think she’s sort of learning and finally realizing – because of my somewhat “silent” and “quiet” approach to this — that her baby daddies and their violent mad pursuit was actually a sign of a severe weakness, in a way. I really just can’t stop focusing on that. I think she always interpreted what they did as a manly sort of strength and now maybe — just maybe– she’s aeeing that they were just weak idiots with no fucking will power (hence they also have these huge drug problems). They have next to no control over their emotions. They don’t know how to handle shit. So they just snap and pour everything out …into reality..screaming it . Meanwhile I’m sitting here just calmly scribbling about it in a notebook to the Internet. Totally different approach. I get angry but Rebecca never hears of it. She doesn’t get the privilege to see it. Only the notebook does. And how badly I know she wants the pleasure to see it. It’s all she wants!!!!

I must not give it to her. I must as of today vow to now not send her literally anything else. When the week began I swore I’d send nothing. Naturally I had to try a little. Well, I tried. Now the time for that has come to an end. Now it’s time for total silence. She cut me off; I shall now cut her off in just the same way. Or …I hope I will anyways . I think I’ll be able to make it. Yes….. I MUST. It’s the only real good strong card I got left to play. Fuck her and fuck her dumb game of pursuit. Fuck it right to the darkest depths of hell. I ain’t playing it /…./.

[nottebuio3006]

If she blocked me on the orders of her baby daddy or if she did it because she herself just, for some reason, can't stand me anymore, does it really make a difference? Is she a better friend if she did it *only* because the baby daddy "forced her to"?  If she comes back to me saying she's sorry and that she didn't want to block me and that it was just because Jimmy told her to, should I forgive her? And be friends with her again??

It is quite the dilemma I am in now I feel, no matter what the circumstance is. Obviously it's the case that I am thinking of her in every minute that passes, and obviously I wantto look at my iphone and see that she will message me again. I want so badly to see something from hr -- anything--even just a message saying one word. But then I am also conflicted, because now its like someone who has basically revealed themselves to be totally toXic in a way. Previously Rebecca always seemed a bit toxic, because of how depressed she is and because of how weird her life is, and how dangerous it sometimes seems, but she never seemed totally toxic. Often she was fairly uplifting. She was always there to keep me company; and I was glad to keep her company as well. So she never seemed totally poisonous or anything. I mean I have some folks in my life who just, every time I talk to them, seem to put me in a bad mood.

Becca wasn't like that, and part of the reason I'm so confused with the cut off is that I know, more or less, that I wasn't  someone like that for her, either. It was pretty rare that Becca and I fought, in my opinion. We definitely argued politics sometimes, and in the recent week we had also argued, briefly, about a TV show she insulted me for watching -- but would that seriously be grounds for dismissal like this??? In this unbelievably cold way?? For me someone generally has to be consistently annoying and depressing and argumentative for a LONG TIME in order to get a cut. And even then, when I am annoyed by someone, I will give them time. I will gradually wean them off of me. I have never just, you know, BOOM! Blown anyone right out of my life. No way. That's dangerous. No one deserves that. I wouldn't do that. But is it perhaps how she felt? That I was holding her back from a better life instead of helping her find one? That I had become too much of a presence in her life? I always made sure to tell Rebecca that I knew her kids would always come first and that I admired it. I always told her that. I always said that, whether I was her best friend or even someone she married, I knew her 2 kids were more important than anyone else. So what the hell? I dno't feel like I ever rudely demanded attention. Did I type a lot to her? Yes. I did. But I generally type a lot to anyone, and I always told her it's just a habit of mine ... "I don't really take offense if I think you're not reading them. I understand I tpye a lot." But did she, like, not get it? Had I simply become  a completely overwhelming presence in her life???

In my opinion, even if it is the case that she felt I had become overwhelming, I still dont think this type of approach is fair. At all. And the reason why is because Rebecca herself -- did she not undoubtedly contribute, at times, to the fact that I felt lik I could talk to her and confide her in as much as I did?? I mean we developed a friendship. What the hell? Isn't it about intimacy and going deep and stuff? Survivng hard times? Talking a lot? Isn't it abuot loyalty? Understanding? About sometimes arguing? Being annoyed? And also about not taking it all that seriously at times? Of course the serious comment might have some readers confused.... cause they'll say "but look at how much you're writing about it!! Aren't you taking it seriously as hell???" Well yes, I am...but only NOW! Previously I wasn't taking it all that seriously. If she wanted to talk, she talked. If not, I didn't really bother her. Though I guess in recent weeks maybe my expectations had changed a bit? I started talking more? I don't knwo. I had said to her a few weeks ago that I feared I sometimes spoke too much and annoyed her. She assured me I didn't. In fact she often made it sound like I was, hands down, the best guy she had ever spoken to. She often, without me saying anything at all, would rank me above all the other friends in her life, most of whom she felt were largely unavailable, sporadic, and not all that interested in her life story. So was she lying? I guess she was, wasn't she? Unless of course this situation is all solely because of the baby daddy and not her at all. Like why would you lie about it? And don't you think its easy to let someone know that you don't want to talk to them as often if thats what you want -- without cutting them off completely outta fucking no where? It's not all that hard to hint at something like that...just stop replying as much I guess?? But what would i Have done? I would have been hurt I guess. Just ike now. I woul have been confused and saddened as to why she had ceased messaging me. So she just nuked it totally cause she didn't wanna hear it. She probably did reunite with the baby daddy and because of that she just nuked it. He prolly bitched at her about the phone (he always hated it) and so she knew she wuldn't have time to message me anymore, and nuked it. And now if she does return shes gonna try to make it sound like he set up some ultimatum even though he probably never did. He probably never flipped out. I dunno. I rhink shes just a bit of an asshole really, I guess...and not the friend for me.

But man, what a shity realization.