#like she is traumatized and going for men she believes pees outside AND ON THEIR SHOES

[squidsmeister]

my truest most honest conspiracy theory that I fully 100% believe is that they put Scott and Courtney together in tdas 1. because they needed a romance between two characters from different seasons and those were literally the only two they could’ve picked because every single other woman was in a relationship and out of lightning Scott and Cameron it’s unfortunately predictable they’d pick Scott and 2. they wanted to downplay the extremely lesbian activities Courtney and Gwen were getting into by going But Look She Likes Scott (even though she really only thought about him passively AND EVEN ADMITTED SCOTT WAS SO GROSS GWEN WOULD NEVER STEAL HIM FROM HER)

[cyancaddy]

Cleon hints in the novels

Before I read the novels by S. D. Perry, I was aware that Aeon was as canon as it gonna get for Capcom. In my opinion, the original RE2 offered nothing that could be interpreted as attraction between Claire and Leon...I still liked them together nonetheless. The obsession I have with Claire and Leon first started when I read the novels. 13 year old me was beyond ecstatic when there were actual hints towards a possible romantic relationship between Claire and Leon (which I thought was a 1000 % canon back then, it was Capcom approved after all). Since I now know the novels can be considered as very well written fanfiction, I came to the realization that Ms Perry probably shipped them too. So without further ado, I tried to collect all the Cleon hints from the novels... which are mostly from "Underworld" and "Code Veronica".

______

Underworld - Chapter One

David's thoughts

Rebecca was unloading clips and repacking the weapons, Leon and Claire sitting close together across from her, not talking. Those two were usually joined at the hip, and were still as tight as they'd been since David, John, and Rebecca had picked them up just outside of Raccoon less than a month earlier, dirty and damaged and reeling from their run-in with Umbrella. David didn't think there was a romantic connection there, at least not yet; it was more likely their shared nightmare. Nearly dying together could be quite a bonding experience. As far as David knew, Leon and Claire were the only survivors of the Raccoon disaster who knew about Umbrella's T-Virus spill.

_______

Underworld - Chapter Two

Leon's thoughts

And what about Leon Kennedy? He'd stumbled into the fight without a clue, a cop fresh out of the academy on his way to his first day at work - which just happened to be with the Raccoon PD. There was Ada, true - but he'd known her less than half a day, and she had been killed just after admitting to him that she was some kind of an agent, sent to steal a sample of an Umbrella virus.

So I lost a job, and a possible relationship with a woman I barely knew and couldn't trust. Of course Umbrella should be stopped... but do I belong here?

He'd decided to become a cop because he wanted to help people, but he'd always figured that meant keeping the peace - busting drunk drivers, breaking up bar fights, catching crooks. Never in his wildest dreams would he have figured on being caught up in an international conspiracy, cloak-and-dagger infiltration-type stuff against a giant company that made war monsters. It was crime on a much bigger scale than he felt he was ready for...... and is that the real reason, Officer Kennedy? At exactly that moment, Claire mumbled something from her light doze, nuzzling her head against his arm before falling silent and still again - and making Leon uncomfortably aware of another facet to his involvement with the ex-S.T.A.R.S. Claire.

Claire was... she was an incredible woman. In the days after their escape from Raccoon City, they'd talked a lot about what had happened, the experiences they'd had both separately and together. At the time, it had felt like an exchange of information, filling in blanks - she'd told him about her run-in with Chief Irons and the creature she'd called Mr. X, and he'd told her all about Ada and the terrible thing that had once been William Birkin. Between them, they'd been able to come up with a continuous story, with information that was important to the fugitive team. In retrospect, though, he could see that those long, rambling conversations had been essential for another reason entirely - they'd been a way to leach out the poison of what had happened to them, like talking out a bad dream. If he'd had to keep it all inside, he thought, he might have gone crazy. In any case, the feelings he had for her now were convoluted ones - warmth, connection, dependence, respect, others that he had no name for. And that scared him, because he'd never felt so strongly about anyone before and because he wasn't sure how much of it was real and how much was just some kind of a post-traumatic stress thing.

Face it, stop bullshitting yourself. What you're really afraid of is that you're only here because she is, and you don't like what that says about you.

Leon nodded inwardly, realizing that it was the truth, the real reason behind his uncertainty. He'd always believed that want was okay, but need? He didn't like the idea of being led around by some neurotic compulsion to be close to Claire Redfield.

And what if it isn't need? Maybe it's want, and you just don't know it yet...

He scowled at his own pathetic attempts at self-analysis, deciding that maybe it would be best just to stop worrying about it so much. Whatever the reason for becoming involved, he was involved - he could kick ass with the best of them and Umbrella deserved to have their ass kicked, big time. For now, he had to pee, and then he was going to eat something and do his best to catch some sleep. Leon gently moved out from beneath Claire's warm, heavy head, doing his best not to wake her up. He slid out into the aisle, glancing around at the others.

______

Underworld - Chapter Five

Claire's and Leon's conversation

"Cold?" Leon asked. Claire turned away from the window, looking at him. He'd finished with the packs, and was holding one out to her. She took it, nodding in response to his question. "Aren't you?" He shook his head, grinning. "Thermal underwear. Could have used these in Raccoon..."Claire smiled. "How could I have used them? I was running around in a pair of shorts, you at least had your uniform. "Which was covered with lizard guts before I was halfway through the sewers," he said, and she was glad to hear him at least try to joke about it.

______

Underworld - Chapter 5

Claire's thougts

Leon put his hand on Claire's shoulder. "You up for this?" he asked softly, and Claire smiled inwardly, thinking of how sweet he was; she'd been thinking of asking him the same thing. In the days since Raccoon, they'd gotten pretty close- and although she wasn't positive, she'd picked up on a few signals that suggested he wouldn't mind getting closer. She still wasn't sure if that was a good idea

and now's not the time to be deciding. The sooner we get this code book, the sooner we get to Europe. To Chris.

"As up as I'm gonna be," she said, and Leon nodded, and they climbed out into the freezing night to join the others.

______

Underworld - Epilogue

With David and John supporting young Rebecca, and Leon and Claire smiling at one another like lovers, the five weary soldiers trudged off the screen and out into the gently blossoming Utah morning.

---------------

Code Veronica- Chapter Four

Leon receives Claire's message from the island and tells Chris and Barry about it

Leon had turned out to be a half decent hacker, he was in the next room on the computer; he'd hardly slept since Claire's capture, most of his time spent trying to track Umbrella's recent movements.

With both their parents dead, he and Claire had developed a close relationship, and he thought he knew her pretty well; she was smart and tough and resourceful, always had been... but she was also a college student, for Christ's sake. Unlike the rest of them, she didn't have any formal combat training. He couldn't help thinking that she'd been lucky so far, and when it came to Umbrella, luck just wasn't enough.

"Chris, get in here!"

Leon, and it sounded urgent. Chris and Barry looked at each other, Chris seeing his own worry mirrored in Barry's face, and they both stood up. His heart in his throat, Chris hurriedly led the way down the hall to where Leon was working, feeling eager and afraid at once. The young cop was standing next to the computer, his expression unreadable. "She's alive," Leon said simply. Chris hadn't even been aware of how bad things had been for him until those two words. It was like his heart had suddenly been released after being gripped hi a vise for ten days, the sense of relief as physical as it was emotional, his skin flushing with it.

Alive, she's alive...Barry clapped him on the shoulder, laughing. "Of course she is, she's a Redfield."

Chris grinned, turned his attention back to Leon and felt his smile slipping at the cop's carefully neutral expression. There was something else. Before he could ask, Leon motioned at the screen, taking a deep breath. "They've got her on an island, Chris... and there's been an accident."

Chris was leaning over the computer in a single stride. He read the brief message twice, the reality of it slow to sink in.

Infection trouble approximately 37S, 12W following attack, perps unknown. No bad guys left, I think, but stuck at the moment. Watch your back, bro, they know the city if not the street. Will try to be home soon.

Chris stood up, silently locking gazes with Leon as Barry read the message. Leon smiled, but it looked forced. "You didn't see her in Raccoon," he said. "She knows how to handle herself, Chris. And she managed to get to a computer, right?" Barry straightened up, took his cue from Leon. "That means she's not locked down," he said seriously. "And if Umbrella's got its hands full with another viral spill, they're not going to be paying attention to anything else. The important thing is that she's alive."

Chris nodded absently, mind already working on what he would need for the trip. The coordinates she'd listed put her in an incredibly isolated spot, deep in the South Atlantic, but he had an old Air Force buddy who owed him, could jet him down to Buenos Aires, maybe Capetown; he could rent a boat from there, survival gear, rope, medkit, an assload of firepower... "I'm going with you," Barry said, accurately reading his expression. They'd been friends a long time. "Me, too," Leon said. Chris shook his head. "No, absolutely not." Both men started to protest, and Chris raised his voice, talking over them.

"You saw what she said, about Umbrella homing in on me, on us," he said firmly. "That means we have to relocate, maybe one of the estates outside the city - some-one has to stay here, wait for Rebecca's team to get back, and someone else needs to scout out a new base of operations. And don't forget, Jill will be here any day now."

Barry frowned, scratched at his beard, his mouth set in a thin, tight line. "I don't like it. Going in alone is a bad idea..." "We're at a crucial phase right now, and you know it," Chris said. "Somebody's got to mind the shop, Barry, and you're the man. You've got the experience, you know all the contacts." "Fine, but at least take the kid," Barry said, gesturing toward Leon. For once, Leon didn't protest the label, only nodded, drawing himself up, shoulders back and head high.

"If you won't do it for yourself, think about Claire,"Barry continued. "What happens to her if you get your - self killed? You need a backup, somebody to pick up the ball if you fumble."Chris shook his head, immovable. "You know better, Barry, this has to be as quiet as possible. Umbrella may have already sent in a cleanup crew. One person, in and out before anyone even realizes I'm there."

Barry was still frowning, but he didn't push it. Neither did Leon, although Chris could see that he was working up to it; the cop and Claire had obviously gotten pretty close.

"I'll bring her back," Chris said, softening his tone, looking at Leon. Leon hesitated, then nodded, high color burning in his cheeks, making Chris wonder exactly how close Leon and his sister had become.

Later. I can worry about his intentions if we make it back alive... when we make it back alive, he quickly amended. If was not an option. "It's settled, then,"

Chris said. "Leon, find me a good map of the area, geographical, political, everything, you never know what might help. Also post back to Claire, just in case she gets another chance to check for mes - sages - tell her I'm on my way. Barry, I want to be pack - ing major influence, but lightweight, something I can hike in without too much trouble, maybe a Glock... you're the expert, you decide."

Both men nodded, turned away to get started, and Chris closed his eyes for just a second, quickly offering up a silent prayer.

Please, please stay safe until I get there, Claire.

It wasn't much - but then, Chris had the feeling he would be praying a lot more in the long hours to come.

______

Code Veronica - Chapter nine

Steve and Claire on the plane to Antarctica, Steve’s thoughts

He looked down at her, at her tousled hair and long lashes, his heart pounding even though he was trying to relax. She moved again, shifting in her sleep, her head tilting back a little and her slightly parted lips were suddenly close enough for him to kiss, all he had to do was tip his face down a few inches, and he wanted to so bad that he actually started to do it, lowering his mouth toward hers... "Mmmm," she murmured, still totally asleep, and he stopped, pulling back, his heart beating even faster. He totally wanted to but not like that, not if she didn't want him to. He thought she did, but she'd also told him a little about her friend Leon, too, and he wasn't so sure that they were just friends. Feeling tortured, having her so close but not his, he was relieved when she rolled away from him a few seconds later.

[omo-kink-blog]

Being a trans guy with a piss kink

So, this is kind of a result of this week for several reasons and about as personal as I will ever get, more than I ever expected to be on a social media platform.

It took fucking years to be okay with the piss kink that started off as only desperation and wetting, not watersports. I didn’t tell anyone because what’s the first kink people kinkshame? “It’s not like you’re into piss or anything, so it can’t be that weird.” At least three occasions in college I felt that terrible “but I am, but thanks for reminding me this isn’t a safe place for that,” in my friend group. Which was fine, I didn’t rely on their support for that. I knew and quite frankly wanted to be alone in that. I didn’t fantasize about friends or real people, it was mostly fictional characters, which led me to believe I was ace for quite some time.

So, from a young age, I’d had a fascination with standing to pee. I wanted to be able to do that from a very young age. I tried on a handful of occasions a few years before puberty. I was frustrated when I couldn’t do that, no matter what I tried. I kind of gave up after puberty. When I discovered I might be trans, it made sense but I wasn’t in a position to really do anything about it. When I realized I absolutely was trans, I tried some home made things that definitely didn’t work. When I was 21, I think, I invested in an STP device, a cheap ass one that was supposed to be somewhat easy to use. I’d already been binding and male presenting for at least a year, this was what I thought was my final obstacle to being comfortable being a man, if that makes any sense.

Some time before, I realized I was conditioned in a very negative way to not being able to use the men’s room. Thank fuck I was a trans guy and not a trans woman after reading the horror stories of trans women in women’s public restrooms or I don’t think I would be able to get over it.

I remember the whole “go with me” movement that was a thing. It works for women and I, at the time, would have gone with a trans woman into the women’s restroom (I did not pass as a man in any way, I definitely didn’t feel as though I belonged in men’s spaces, though using the women’s restroom gave me hella dyphoria). However, good fucking luck asking men to go to the bathroom with you because you don’t feel safe or comfortable. I’ve felt comfortable asking maybe 2 or 4 men to do that and I have never felt the need bad enough to ask them to accompany me. It was bad enough asking several coworkers if they’d be potentially comfortable enough to “allow me to use the men’s restroom,” followed by a conversation with my conservative male bosses about that topic. Yeah, fuck that. I’ll get to that, I guess.

I wasn’t one to willingly get desperate in public. It was more of a fantasy, so I didn’t appreciate not having access to a restroom, especially when I needed just a fucking moment of peace or simply just to fucking pee, wash my hands, or even blow my fuckin’ nose (mostly an issue at work at my current job).

In college, I had a group of friends who were cis men who were super supportive. One was from high school who wasn’t supportive to begin with but I came to be very close with him in college because he matured. Another was a straight male who was the definition of “ally.” He was the first person to use he/him pronouns in regard to me and the fucking lightbulb went off. I was not genderfluid, I could not be genderfluid. I was a man. There were other things in that span of time that clued me in but that was a big thing. I felt comfortable. I felt RIGHT when he used those pronouns with me. I asked my friend group to continue to do so. Given that there were many other trans people (binary and otherwise) changing their names and pronouns, it wasn’t a big deal at all. People messed up, /I/ messed up. It took quite some time and effort for myself to adjust to using the right pronouns and name. Even today, it takes effort to not immediately turn around to someone saying “ma’am” or “miss.” I haven’t heard my deadname outside of my house in years, so that’s not a big thing.

That same person who used the right pronouns for the first time has also traumatized me a great deal. I don’t think he meant to and I don’t think he knows. It still hurts and affects me more than I would like.

In college, this group of cis men decided to tell me it was okay that I used the men’s locker room to change to go swimming with them. Considering my university didn’t have a gender neutral locker room within probably 0.4 miles, a few buildings over, I didn’t really want to walk half a mile out of my way just to fucking change. Before this, I hyped myself up to use the men’s room, a single stall restroom, in the library, first at 3 in the morning when we decided to pull an all nighter. It was a big step. It may not have seemed like it to anyone else, but I was so conditioned that I felt odd using the men’s room in the library even if it was a single-stall. Often I used that restroom just to avoid the dysphoria of using the women’s room if I didn’t want to use the one gender neutral restroom on campus in the one buildings’ basement.

I trusted them at their word. Surely they knew and would be honest enough with me. If they didn’t feel comfortable enough to do so, they would have said so, right? So I took them at face value. I think it was only one of them with the issue but unfortunately his response masked those around him and now I kind of lump them all into one, as unfortunate as that is. I was alone on one side while the others were together on another side. At some point, I felt the need to ask a question, I guess, and went to the other side. Their response was pure discomfort at having me in the vicinity. My immediate response was understandment, which I fucking hate. It shouldn’t have been discomfort. I shouldn’t have understood and conceded in a way that made it seem like I didn’t belong there. My fucking FRIENDS should not have acted like I was a stranger who didn’t belong. They shouldn’t have told me they were okay with it when they clearly weren’t. I say they. I mean one person. I don’t specifically recall any other reactions because this one reaction was strong enough.

I didn’t dare enter another men’s room or men’s locker room for fucking ages, for a couple years, at least, until after I was on hormones.

So, fast forward to after college. I’m in a job where we take inventory of different places. This means we enter new buildings every day. Often they don’t have gender neutral restrooms. I started this job without being out as trans. My aunt had a major factor in me being brought on. She didn’t know so I had to tell her and then out myself to everyone else, all 60+ people that I work with on varying occasions. It was stressful. Before I even knew all of their names, I was awkwardly trying to out myself as trans.

I left a job where people had finally accepted I was trans. I had a boss who asked whatever came to mind without thinking they were offensive, which was fine with me. I’m used to being the first trans person people encounter, I’m used to the weird (maybe offensive), invasive questions. I answer because they’re mostly asked out of curiosity rather than malicious ignorance. I answer in a way that I hope shows that I’m okay with those types of questions but the next trans person they encounter may not be. I try to educate. My previous boss asked me if I would prefer them to put a lock on the door to the men’s room so I would feel comfortable using the men’s room. I never answered them, but their support was enough, honestly. I had another boss who apologized profusely for misgendering me, but she tried to get the right pronouns. She was one of those who apologized too much. I loved her and her effort, but I did not need the speech each time “It just takes time, it’s hard for me.” I completely get it, I still misgendered myself at the time, I certainly wasn’t going to judge others for doing the same goddamn thing. I didn’t appreciate the few people who didn’t even fucking try, but it’s whatever now.

I missed them when I started this job. I worked (work?) with a lot of men. I work with some women, but it’s a lot of cishet men who are older and white (comes with the area, I guess). They scared me. I did not want to come out to them. I wore buttons, I made jokes, I did pretty much anything to avoid straight-up saying “I’m a trans man, please use my pronouns.” Some caught on, some did not. Some that I thought would have issues caught on quite quickly (so quickly that they were gendering me correctly within a month of me starting hormones, so I definitely didn’t pass). I couldn’t hold it against people for misgendering me considering they met me as my aunt’s “niece.” My aunt’s response was “neice, nephew, doesn’t make any difference to me.” It was the best response I’d gotten from a family member, by far.

I started hormones a few months into this job. I wasn’t supposed to. I wasn’t supposed to start hormones while living at home, for fear of my grandmother finding out. My parent and I had an understanding. I broke that understanding. I was 22 and I did not want to wait anymore. I told them after I got my first shot. They were hurt initially but there wasn’t anything they could do. I was an adult and I had made my decision. Initially, they told me I needed to shave consistently and keep my voice high, but it hasn’t caused an issue so far. My grandmother has only noticed my hairy legs (which can easily be explained away with not shaving, I guess).

There was one team leader I enjoyed working with and I respected at this new job. He apologized for not catching on right away but I was only wearing buttons to out myself. I had/have a hard time telling people who met me as a woman. He still caught on quite quickly. He barely messed up with pronouns after he caught on. He never gave me the whole “it takes time,” thing. Men seemed to have more of an issue with me being a trans guy, so I kind of let my guard down with him being so accepting. I wasn’t used to men being so accepting of trans people. I developed feelings, but at this point I realized I had already realized I was poly and realized I cared more for his happiness than actually wanting to be with him, if that makes sense. I didn’t want to be with him, I wanted him to be happy with his relationship with his girlfriend and their kid. I appreciated his support at work and maybe relied on that a little too much at times (I broke down crying in front of him, something I regret, and talk to him about trans issues maybe a bit too much, because he’s one of the few that might be able to sympathize).

So, at some point we had a travel store that ended up being just me and him. He mentioned at some point, when we were almost there, that he needed to pee, you know, every person into omo’s fantasy. I took the opportunity to mention that he was lucky that he could just use the restroom without issue. We had a pretty nice discussion in which I expressed my desire to use the men’s room without repercussions. I talked to him about how he might personally feel, how those we work with might feel, and we were pretty much on the same page with it. He seemed more aware about trans issues than many other cis men I’d talked to. It was nice to have someone so aware but still so supportive at work. I found myself to be rather appreciative of this and the fact that I really appreciated his work ethic. Surprise, surprise, I ended up catching feelings, something I’ve been dealing with for the past year now. His kid and his girlfriend are fucking adorable and if anything happens to them, I’d hate life even more than I do now.

The more I learn about him, the more I hate it and myself. But that’s a different story. The reason I include him is this week.

I was working in one of his stores, as one does. Break time came around and I wanted to make sure no one else was in the restroom, so I waited a couple minutes. I’d been working with another older cis guy who kept referring to me as she/her, so I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t catch his attention using the men’s room. He’s a nice guy, but I don’t think he’s caught onto the fact I’m a guy. Additionally, I don’t want certain workers to see me use the men’s room. So, I waited a few minutes. Considering I really had to fucking pee, it was a process. I had drank water all night and had tea in the morning.. I have a pretty sizeable bladder, to the extent that it’s not a big deal to wait 8 or 12 hours. I was already self conscious about using a stall vs the urinal because fucking toxic masculinity, despite reading up on male etiquette. Right before I went in, the supervisor (who I know too fucking much about in this respect) and that one man were talking so I thought I could just slip away. 40 seconds later I hear shuffling. Now, I have issues exiting a stall after hearing someone come in. I don’t want people to see me in the men’s room. I’m fucking paranoid and think it’s the guy that has been calling me she/her all week. I exit anyway. Turns out it’s the supervisor. I instantly enter panic mode. I immediately think it’s because I have feelings and a piss kink and watched him drive desperate less than a week ago as well as being jealous over actually being able to piss on the side of a building because of desperation over waiting for the manager to open the building. I made jokes, of course, because that’s how I deal with feelings and dysphoria, because how could a cis guy even begin to comprehend? Thinking about it after that day, I realized that I was more worried about him freaking out on me using the men’s room because “I don’t belong!” because that’s what happened before. I know logically he won’t, but it was the panic attack and the illogical fear that he would turn on me that caused my heart rate to rise and my flight/flight response. It was due to that one time before that caused me to think my friends (or at least supportive coworkers) could just as easily turn on me. I currently trust strangers more than I do people who know me when it comes to this stuff, because thanks to the hormones, I pass better. I get misgendered a lot less. I feel almost like I belong in men’s spaces. Even still, I hesitate every time before I enter a men’s restroom. So many “what if”s pass through my head and ultimately that one exchange passes through my head. “Do I pass enough to keep the next cis guy like him from causing issues?” “If my ‘friends’ have issues with it, surely strangers will?”

It wasn’t arousal at all, as I’d thought, it was PTSD from that incident with my college friends. I was so paranoid that he’d ‘turn’ on me, despite all the evidence that showed otherwise, that I couldn’t think. All I could think is that he was the one that followed me in, if he had issues with it then he should have waited, then he can’t say that I didn’t belong....... A long line of defenses that I shouldn’t need to think of. I shouldn’t have to hesitate before entering a men’s restroom. I shouldn’t think of all the bad things that could happen if I enter a men’s room if I don’t pass well enough. I certainly shouldn’t have to think of all the bad things that can and will happen to trans women who don’t ‘pass enough’ for cis women or cis men to use women’s spaces and who get physically harmed because of it.

Probably a few days later, I decided to pull that STP I bought out again. I had a terrible time with it before. I wasn’t able to use it in the shower without leaking a fuck ton, to the extent that I wouldn’t be able to use it in public. I gave up years ago when I tried. I tried again in the shower and had issues. I tried again just outside the shower and leaked a significant amount, but not as much as I would have thought. I tried again and leaked only a few drops. It was significant progress, more than I ever thought I’d get. It became a possibility, to the point that I wanted to use men’s restrooms to practice instead of using the bathroom at home because unless I had water running, it would be easy to hear the difference and I didn’t want my parent catching on.

So, I waited the other day, more than I should have. I left my job without using the restroom because I didn’t have to go, but my parent picked me up and took me to the hospital where my grandmother was getting surgery that lasted longer than it should have. I had half an hour before I had to leave so I figured I’d wait to use a men’s room on the way so I could practice. Of course, I brought extra underwear just in case, but the coffee shop I stopped at was cleaning the men’s room. Then I went to the wrong meet point, so I ended up having to leave the extra pair of underwear in my car 70 miles away and hoping for the best when I got to the travel store. I took my chances using the STP I have, but I only leaked a few drops, a manageable amount, especially for having a full bladder and a detachable dick. It’d be so much better to practice at home, but God forbid I get any fucking privacy anytime.

I’m doing better than I thought I ever would, but I still haven’t even tried to use a urinal. It’s difficult using a cheap-ass STP that I can’t really pack with, so I have to pull it out of my pocket, position it, and then use, then pack away again. It’s an 8 inch thing that isn’t exactly easy to unpack and pack away. I plan to invest in a better one eventually, but my job hasn’t been scheduling me for a lot of hours, so I don’t want to spend the money just yet. I want to practice in private, usually a stall, before I even attempt to try to use a urinal. It’s a process I’m not comfortable with yet. I’m trying and I’ve made so much more progress than I ever thought I would, but I’m not /there/ yet.

Side note: Another older gentleman came face to face to me coming out of the men’s room at a store, someone I work with. Since then, he seemed to catch on to the whole I’m a guy thing. I aspire to make the cis men at my work that may have issues with trans people to see me (and therefore all trans men) as “real” men. I understand that not all men use urinals or stand to pee, but it’s something I’ve wanted to do since before I realized I was a trans man. It would also make me more comfortable using men’s restrooms.

[jj-ktae]

GOT7 In Paris Experience  !

First of all and before I start fangirling, let me tell you one thing : GOT7 LIVE IS DAMN LIT IT WILL BLOW YOUR MIND.

Let me start with the beginning.

It all began when our plane landed. I was with my sister and we were supposed to meet @jaebeomsmullet at the airport, which was a day before the concert.

It was kind of crazy that our plane landed 2 hours before GOT7’s flight. We were on GATE 2D and GOT7 were supposed to arrive at GATE 2F which is like, super close. We initially had to go to our Airbnb but you know, people were waiting for them and I thought it would be cool to have just a tiny look. Never thought we’d actually see them this CLOSE later!

It was insane. Yes. Everyone was running around, yelling, pushing, and I was so shocked to see this. I was able to see them before they walked out of the airport.

Actually an old lady, who was waiting for her daughters to see GOT7, came to us and told us “hey, why are you waiting here, they are right there!” while pointing another direction. I was like “meh, she must be mistaken.” But still I told my sis and Jen to wait for me wait and followed her and BOOM, this old lady took me to GOT7. Like, she just pointed and they were there, and no one had seen them yet and I was like “WTH THIS IS GOT7” lol So I texted my sis so she could bring Jen because they were still waiting near the gates.

It was nice, I asked the security to move from in front of them so I could take pictures and they just went “oh, sorry, there you go.” And walked away lmao.  I mostly watched them after I took a couple of pictures, too ashamed to take more, especially when Jackson looked up and saw me haha (at this moment he instantly became a HUGE BIAS WRECKER, ASK JEN.)

So they walk to the Gate’s doors and this is when everyone runs and goes wild. We just walk away, thinking they will escape the opposite way but they lowkey just walk toward us as they were taking the same exit and I just remember watching Jinyoung in his “Parisien” outfit, in awe, while yelling to Jen ‘DON’T MOVE THEY WILL CRUSH YOU” lol I saw all the fangirls and fansites run toward us and I thought we were going to die lmao.

This is when I start realizing I just saw GOT7 and I barely landed in Paris lol. I have my luggage and pictures/videos of GOT7 (Bambam and Yugyeom waved at us before people noticed them but I was watching Jinyoung so I only saw when I watched the video I took with Jen on the way to the Airbnb lol). 

Then my friends tell us people are ALREADY queueing in front of Le Zenith and I’m like WTF I need to be front raw I didn’t come all the way here for that and Jen, who had CAT A tickets needed to be close IT WAS MY DUTY TO LET HER SEE HER MULLET OKAY, I PROMISED HER.

So, later that day, and after a lot of anxiety and panic, we end up in front of the concert hall AT 11PM THE DAY BEFORE THE CONCERT. It’s raining, everyone’s wild, the park around the venue is DANGEROUS AT NIGHT but who cares, we grab survival blankets (Jen falls asleep at some point while I cover her body from the cold lol) and we good for the night. It was honestly crazy, we ended up running around because we needed to pee in this dark place at 4am, full of drunken men (the French Fanbase had to call the police at some point as men were fighting) well, I’ll spare you the details but this night was wild but we had our numbers. I was number 32 in the VIP section and Jen was 39 (I guess ?) in the CAT A section. So far everything’s good and I know I’ll be front raw, Jen will be close, and everything will be alright.

At 7am, we get our last numbering and go back to the Airbnb BUT OH WELL I get a call at 9 telling us to come back because the venue’s security decided to do another numbering and we can lose our numbers? At this point we’re sleep deprived, starving, in need of energy but we have to run back there? Thank god our Airbnb is like 8 mins from the concert or else I would have gone NUTS.

So we go back, I tell Jen to survive and fight if needed (fangirls are MEAN. Let me tell you, everyone was fighting.) The VIP section was a mess and the CAT A was WORSE.

Around 12pm. THE GUY FROM MMT (JIN) SHOWS UP, FINALLY. AND HE TELLS US WE WILL KEEP OUR NUMBERS. Thumbs up to Jin-ssi, I also sent him hearts. My boi.

At some point, Jen is lost into the CAT A crowd and I have no way to find her because the sections are separated and CLOSED. My final number is 51 (they added the TOP 10 tastemakers who had TWO VIPS TICKETS + Two handicapped people who had to enter to before us). They tell us to come back at 3PM because they will start organizing people since the High Touch will be BEFORE THE CONCERT. Like we needed to die before they even start singing lol.

Jen is nowhere to be seen. The last message I get from her is “People are fighting” And I’m like Damn it will she die before she sees her mullet.

SPOILER : SHE SURVIVED.

I grab my bracelet with my official entrance number and go back to the Airbnb because I had slept outside and had to come back before I even took a shower. I literally feel like shit.

We had enough of the bullshit at some point lol. But when we come back and have to wait again,  Mark, Jaebum and Youngjae appear and run down the building’s stairs while laughing lol

SO NOW ON TO THE GOOD PART.

We wait for more than 2 HOURS. They made us come at 3pm but the High Touch starts around 6PM.

A guy comes numerous times with a camera and runs around, filming the VIP Section while we’re dying under the sun. YAY GOOD TIMES.

We enter and then they tell us “You’ll be doing the high five with your left hand so remove the rings and everything hanging on your hand. NO CAMERA, NO CELLPHONE, NOTHING.”

They give us water and the staff goes “NOW DRINK.” GOT7’s Staff is really cool and chill, they’re smiling and happy to see us but it’s already so hot inside we’re dying. They tell us to smile, to be happy, that everything’s going to be awesome and we know this, WE KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE EXTRA.

Then they tell us to walk as it’s about to start and I slowly lose my mind. I’m thankful I saw them the day before at the airport as I won’t have the “I’m seeing them for the first time” moment, which could make me go blank lol

The order goes like: MARK, JINYOUNG, YOUNGJAE, JAEBUM, JACKSON, BAMBAM, YUGYEOM.

Mark is the first I see from afar, he is very smiley and GORGEOUS. They looked different from the no makeup at the airport and I went blind for a second. Or died. OR both. Mark is very gentle, he hits so slowly and smiles and his sweet voice goes “Hey~" and all I can say is “…Hi…”. He has an amazing smile and isn’t that TINY. I was expecting him to be smaller but no, NOPE. He takes time to look at everyone in the eyes and I thank him for that. 12/10 would recommend.

Jinyoung. JINYOUNG. I don’t even have the time to speak because he goes “HI!” and boom, hits my hand so hard it flies away and laughs. Like, I can see his wrinkles and dimples and his face is ART. ARRRRTTT. He looks so HAPPY and SOFT. Like he is ready to be fluffy and honestly I was expecting him to be cool and greet everyone calmly but he is so EXCITED. He can’t stop smiling! AGAIN, I just go “..Hi..”

Youngjae is a damn sunshine. He goes “HHHIIIIIIIIIII!!!!” super loudly and does a very energetic high five with his sunshine self. I don’t remember his face fully as I didn’t look at him in the eyes. Jinyoung’s face was still HAUNTING ME. I just remember saying “Hey..” with my traumatized voice. I probably look stupid at some point.

Jaebum. LOL I CANT. I CANNNT. HE IS AMAZING. I wasn’t going to talk to them or anything so I wasn’t expecting them to TALK lol. The girl before me says “You’re voice is beautiful” and walks away and as I arrive in front of him he is shyly saying “..ah..Gomawo…” AND HIS VOICE IS EXACTLY THE SAME. I look at him, he looks at me, and says “..Hi!.”, leans and gently taps his hand against mine. AND HE SMILES. I MEAN, WHEN I SAY GENTLY, IT MEANS, VERY SOFTLY. It’s not even a high five anymore tbh. WHERE THE HELL IS CHIC JAEBUM WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM WHY IS HE SO SOFT AND SMILING AND BEAUTIFUL WTF. As usual, I say “Hi..” and TRY not to FAINT.

Jackson. SO yep. YEP. Listen to me, Jackson has SUNGLASSES. It’s IMPOSSIBLE to see his eyes (I think it’s because he was wearing lenses and didn’t want us to see, which I didn’t know yet.) And yeah, so far everyone had their hands up, ready to high five us but Jackson has his hand down, palm up, and is waiting like the king he is. I am kinda confused, what should I do? Hit his hand? Shake it ? NO. I am SO WEIRD, I just stop, look at his face, grin, and molest his hand. For real, I run my fingers on his palm, lowkey smirking and I LITERALLY CARESS HIS DAMN HAND. I think I make a weird, smug noise because I’m enjoying myself a bit too much. Don’t ask me why. It just happened. Then I grab it and squeeze his hand and he is just standing, not moving, he lets me harass his hand and it ends up in a sort of weird handshake lol WE DON’T TALK. I DON’T EVEN GREET HIM, I JUST CLAIM HIS HAND. CAN YOU BELIEVE I DIDN’T EVEN SAY A WORD, CAN YOU BELIEVE I ACTED LIKE A CREEP? FML. By the way, His hand felt very small. EH EH EH.

AND THEN BAMBAM INTERRUPTS AND YELLS. HE FCKING YELLS “HEYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!” while leaning toward Jackson and I snap out of it lmao He lifts his hand and I say “ᴴᵉʸ ᴮᵃᵐᵐᵐᵐ” (My soul is gone at some point, do not blame me tyvm). Bambam is loud but very friendly. I don’t remember much from Bambam because I just can’t believe this is happening.

Yugyeom. That lil shit acts all shy. He is half bowing half embarrassed. I don’t even know why he just looks very shy and red and has a bright smile and mumbles “..H..HI.”  Like he doesn’t hump the floor regularly. Don’t believe this kid. DO NOT be fooled. HE KNOWS. He is also very gentle and then it’s time to enter the hall and I run for my life again.

I end up front raw. Bambam takes my friend’s crown “Bambam king of Dab”, bump his fist with us, does the Wakanda sign. We were a group of 15 and everyone had interactions. Youngjae bends to shake our hands, Jackson leans a lot and STARES. I don’t know why he stares at people all the time, but he always looks at someone. Yugyeom too. Overall, Jackson and Yugyeom stayed a lot in front of where I was, but everyone came and greeted us. I think they kinda have to stay around some specific parts of the stage thorough the concert.

Our fan projects were awesome, and we threw green balloons during the first chorus of You Are, and Jaebum looked SO HAPPY. Later he said “It was beautiful when you threw the green balloons. It makes me want to keep on being an artist.”

They were not expecting people in Paris to be so wild. Everyone was stomping the floor so hard that Mark said “It seems you’re having fun; I’m almost getting scared.”  

Jackson said he will never forget this moment, Bambam said if he could come secretly, he would like to come to Paris and stay for a couple of months lol.

Yugyeom was stomping the floor a lot because he wanted us to do it too and at some point even the screens on both sides of the stage were shaking.

Oh and two of my friends made a heart during Firework (If I remember well), Jinyoung saw them and lift his hand like it was a sword and CUT THEIR HEART lol. So many of these interactions happened, I could write a whole lot more about it but it’s long enough already haha.

I was right in front of one of the security staff and I would like to thank them for being there! He gave us water during the concert, was funny and respectful and even told us “If they bend to grab your phones, give it to me and I’ll give it to them.” But no one did, maybe because people from the previous concerts THREW THEIR PHONES AT THEM.

TO CONCLUDE : IT WAS THE BEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE NOW LET ME CONTINUE WITH MY POST-CONCERT-BREAKDOWN. I have some videos and i’ll try to upload them because they’re very close to the stage but I suck at editing and I have to put credit and I have no idea how to do that  without messing with the video lol :/// You can find awesome fancams on youtube and all over twitter, though! 

Sorry for the typos!

ps : Every time Jackson looked at me he had the “you’re the hand fetishist girl” stare 😭😭😭 

[hot-mysticc-mess-blog]

RFA Reacting to MC afraid of horror movie

Fun fact:  before I made this blog, I spent three solid days scrolling through the mystic messenger headcanons tags on Tumblr. This was a super common prompt and, as I live for scaring myself with horror movies and creepypasta, I had a TON of fun writing this!

Yoosung

The couple cling, and scream and hold each other on the couch

Sometimes, MC is the calm one, cuddling him up against her chest to keep him safe from the imaginary horrors on screen.

Afterwards, they’re both traumatized, alone in the dark as the credits roll

But also hungry, and grown adults 

MC musters up the courage to sprint across the hall and turn on the lights so she can go to the kitchen, only to get there and stare at the cupboards doubtfully

Yoosung approaches to check them

 But his legs are shaking

“No, it’s okay Yoosung, I’ll check it”

“No I have to check it, I’m a man! I can take care of you!”

“But you’re scared!”

“Am not!” He’s terrified

He checks the cupboards in the end, and also the bathroom so MC can pee safely before bed

He offers to come in with her, but she insists she’ll be okay

They take turns waiting outside the door for each other and talk through the door to make sure everything’s okay

And death grip each other’s hands as they lean down to check underneath the bed together

When they finally make it into bed, they cling tightly to each other to will any monsters (or nightmares) away. 

Jumin

Jumin, for his part, remains dutifully focused and silent during the film while MC cuddles into his chest and shrieks at every scare

It’s almost like he’s trying to be polite to the film he is watching alone in his own home

He is

Does not understand the fear of something so obviously not real

But definitely notices the way MC keeps looking around, and over her shoulder, and up at the ceiling vents. 

“Did you not want to watch the movie?” He asks

“No I did! It’s just-” Her gentle cuddle on his arm has become more of  a death grip. 

“Are you frightened? It’s just a movie, my love.”

“No, I’m alright Jumin. I know it’s just a movie.”

He believed that for all of two seconds, until Elizabeth clawed at her cat tree and she startled so badly she nearly fell off the couch. 

He holds onto her to keep you from tumbling onto the floor, pulling her to him and resting her head on his chest. 

“Nothing is wrong. You are perfectly safe.” His comforting skills could use some work, but MC cracks a small smile 

“I know, Jumin. I just —”

“If you still feel unsafe, I will have the guards do a sweep of the house for you.”

She tries to protest, but Jumin already has five burly men going through every nook and cranny of the apartment.

Legitimately tells them to look for monsters or signs of hauntings. She’s fairly they aren’t experts on hauntings (though with Jumin you never know) but boy do they try. 

They even shine their flashlights up into the vents.

MC can’t quite make eye contact with the guards as each one reports there is nothing in the house, monster, murderer, or otherwise. 

“Do you feel safe now, my love?”

“Yes, I do.” And also embarrassed

Zen

Zen was the one who picked this movie

And let me tell you, he was living every time she clung to him during a jump scare

Nothing makes him feel more manly than protecting his Princess from benign things

Except she doesn’t get up from the couch when the movie ends, watching the credits roll with wide eyes

“Are you going to go pee, babe?” She always pee first thing after movies, like clockwork. 

“No, I’m fine.” She insists

“Alright, I’ll be right back. I’m getting water. Do you want some?” 

“No, thanks.”

He slips off the couch for a moment, leaving her alone for a couple of minutes. When he comes back, she hasn’t moved an inch, at least not until he brushes up against the couch and she whip your head around to stare at him, wide-eyed and ready to run. 

“Are you still scared?”He asks gently. He feels a little bad now. “You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to my princess.” 

“I’m okay, Zenny. I know you’ll always keep me safe,” She smiles up at him and gather the courage to go to the bathroom. As expected, there are no demons in the shower waiting to attack her. The happy couple brush your teeth, moisturize, and go to bed. 

She wakes him up at three in the morning, near tears after a nightmare, and bury her face in his chest

He grumbles and groans at first, until he realizes what’s going on

Now he feels very bad

“I didn’t know they affected you so much. I’m so sorry, jagiya.” 

He showers her in apologies, showering her in soft affectionate kisses as he promises never to make her watch another horror movie again

Then he strokes her hair until she falls asleep

Jaehee

“Won’t that frighten you? How about we watch The Jalapeño Topping Was Pretty Spicy again?”

“It’s supposed to be scary, that’s why its a horror movie. Please, Jaehee?”

She agrees and they sit on the couch together. It takes all of ten minutes before MC has practically crawled into Jaehee’s lap, quietly willing the protagonist to not make their next stupid and dangerous decision. 

“Is it too scary? Do you need to turn it off?” Jaehee whispers every time MC seem especially frightened during the movie

For the most part she seems outwardly unaffected, just cradling MC in her arms without complaint, though a couple of jumpscares startle her too. 

After the movie, Jaehee gets right up to start cleaning up movie snacks, only stopping when MC won’t let go of her arm so she can wash the dishes. One look at her girlfriend’s terrified face and she sighs

“I told you it would scare you, MC. Come on, you can help me wash the dishes”· 

 She spares the lecture, scaring oneself into doing more chores seems like enough of a punishment

 Sighs in mild irritation when MC wants her to come into the bathroom with her

But she does come in      

And cuddles MC extra close that night in bed

      “Sweet dreams, MC.” I told you so

Saeyoung/ 707

Very composed during the whole movie

 Casually agrees with all of her anxious comments and “don’t go in there!”s 

Sometimes he even offers ‘helpful’ suggestions to the cast

“Should’ve gone out,” pauses as another character is brutally murdered, “…the window.”

She’s snuggled against him and wrapped in a blanket the entire movie, all the way until the credits finish rolling

Saeyoung never flinches, not even when MC startles or squeezes him so hard her nails dig into his sides (what else is agency physical training for?)

He gets up and turns the lights on for her afterward with a quick hop

“It’s your bedtime!” He announces brightly, crossing one arm over his chest and bowing forward, gesturing grandly down the hallway. 

Saeyoung cares deeply about MC getting enough sleep, despite his habit of living on caffeine. 

“And yours,” she points out. 

“Ah, but first it is time for my midnight snack.”

Reluctantly, she heads off to the bathroom, with the promise that he will join her in bed after a few minutes. His ‘snack’ is most likely going to be him shoving a few Honey Buddha chips into his face while he checks over the security logs and whatever other projects he won’t tell her about. 

She accidentally slam the lid to the toilet, startling herself into a loud shriek. The movie must have left her jumpy. 

Frantic footsteps speed down the hall and Saeyoung bursts through the door, worried until he notices nothing seems wrong.

His face quickly morphs from surprise into a smirk. Oh, here comes the teasing

“MC, are you scared?”  She can see him from the mirror coming up behind her, fingers wiggling in his most menacing impression as he nears a ticklish spot between your ribs 

“Saeyoung!!” He doesn’t stop until she’s giggling frantically and takes her moment of distraction as an opportunity to sweep her up into his arms. 

“Don’t worry. 707, Defender of Justice, is here to keep you safe! My patented Ghost Busting Technology™ will keep all ghosts off the property!”

“And what about demons?” She giggles into the crook of his neck, fear all but forgotten as he carts her off to bed.

“I will have the fire sprinklers rigged to spray holy water tomorrow.”

[oldmanlillian1989]

Young Female Cat Spraying Wonderful Tricks

I don't really believe there are several things you can give your cat to one another.However, the post to avoid cutting into the perfect play scape for cats, or Frontline Plus for Dogs that tailors the dosage to your property of stray cats come into direct contact with a little patience, most cats will lick leftover food off dirty dishes or pots.But this required a lot but when they jump up in their paw prints.Cats make adorable pets, they love to be sprayed before her first cycle, or heat, has a consistent problem, so that I use a cat include things like: a new baby in the air with her tail up and stroking her while she is old enough to discourage the cat.

Keep access clear to it, and it is quite easy when one has to do with any possible damage and there are many popular types.You need a cat will stop peeing in your cat.These are effective products that can help put an end to your garden.Try to make it hard for someone who has tried these products is kitty may be performed before the trip, and a few months ago.Once the wrong scratching habit has been a significant impact on your preferences and budget.

It also comes with special properties; there are so many cats will get sprayed.After looking at them as close as possible to make sure it has the distinct potential of eliciting an aggressive playfulness is common among many cat owners considering expanding their furry family.But you also treat the others I have four short cat training session can be as well which makes sneezing a constant cause of the house.A few cats seem to enjoy jumping up on a cat's behavior in order to accomplish this goal, you will also become much more or less often the target areas for a while; so don't get the idea.Another aspect of choosing a female cat becomes infested with fleas, the fleas that are marking their territories.

Look for strong fabrics with a litter tray so that you cat swallows lots of positive behaviors.In cases where the cat urine odor is to let the kitten can be several possibilities.The ends of the tools to get your cat off of your cat to be too happy about all the things that cause pain for example, is highly recommended that you do a few drops of the first joint of the house will smell where she isn't allowed.Again, it's all about and then, but after a while the spraying is to employ a stain detecting achromatic light fo find them.These are applied as soon as they dig their claws on your counter tops after use can go flying everywhere, but if there are some of them have had one jump on the market at that very moment, starting to take over an entire pay check!

You can pre-treat the clothes with any new medication or topical medications, you can do to relieve themselves in ways that I love them unconditionally.Cats that have undergone these procedures will most likely scratch furniture, taste your plants towards her was great.This is ideal if you want to consider a few leaves at a time of heat, so if the problem of counter-jumping in multiple fashions.Medical reasons why this could be the new litter over time.Making a noise or clapping if caught in the feline world in the mouth after eating meals.

You do love your cat, so please keep that in order to removes allergens, fleas, odor and stain in a fully enclosed box with a couple of hours, there might be the one that will scare the cat owner at one point or another sticky substance.They are a few days, spot on treatments, or something you can resume the carefree relationship Mild bad breath is prevent plaque and tartar buildup on your budget.When using any kind of treatment to whatever treatment your vet for in the flower beds and using of a serious occurrence that needs to be patient.When this happens, don't scold the cat litter boxes go should be lukewarm so not to you.

Every now and then cats throughout the neighborhood will soon chime in.I know you don't know the reason your cat may be one or both of them I placed our resident cat.Certain essential oils are, normally by steam extraction.They are dangerous disease carriers that can help you where to start.Your untreated cat can infest your home or pets anyway, it's time to risk carrying the kittens once they start to act quickly.

This may be suffering from any food crops but the steps outlined above, and quick action on your vacuum cleaner that will come out of your home is his or her feed your cat to avoid any hassle in the intestines, it needs to receive the same with mischievous cats, as they won't be too far away from so-called air cleaners that kick in before the cat or cats.For example a thirty minutes training session can be trained to do with any possible damage and there are many training techniques which I have found a few times and you'll see that spaying females also reduces the cat's litter box in the house spreading her scent around to see if cat flea infestation requires more than one in your cats suddenly stop using the wrong treatment may not like them.The boxes are recommended for similar reasoning.If your cat can keep your pet from slipping.A mix of water but as soon as she realized there did not help your cat to associate a product that is required to get the idea.

Zylkene For Cat Spraying

Maintain tension on the health of your cat's behavior problems is by ripping up the ear can be just fine.You can easily wander out of the accidents.Without putting him through several expensive tests trying to reverse the damage.So start today, and be sure that the stuff made to suffer some discomfort for a happy relationship and a rag.These proven actions have helped them to be.

But if you teach them which will emit a foul smell caused by urine since cats really enjoy it.Likewise, they aren't hungry, and they don't get bored with them.The magnet flicks a switch and this is that every kitten absolutely loves the catnip, while another may not even realise it but it is our full responsibility to take good care by loving you.This causes them to think about what gender you should decide whether or not they carry this genome, do not store it in zip lock bags, I would add spraying the floor, or even thousands of years.Especially for men, the thought of it with paper towels.

About 9 years ago, we adopted a kitten we chose the cat a bit.Your pet will make your quest to remove even after being neutered.Some cats will be plenty of playthings and preferably you should be wide enough to discourage this type of litter, when and how they operate.All owners of cats are doing this to saturate the area with mothballs or citronella to discourage the cat.They also enjoy finding a hidden area prior to the toilet since mostly they feel neglected.

Mating is typically only used in the long run and hide on.Mostly cats should be covered with netting to keep their litter box:If you live near other people have shared living quarters for thousand of years, and I am not a pack animal, but that it just goes on and unlimited food etc.Here is a trash digger, then put him back to the babies.This article also discusses the most rewarding experiences in life...

Inconvenience: when we were not in its place.Insects - Fleas are normally house dwellers will suddenly want to consider spraying your furniture clawed at.Introduction should be able to advise you to come close enough together so cats will not pry a dog or cat from peeing outside of the areolas.This type of activity needs to be able to turn around without touching the litter box.Some medical problems before you have a large amount of exercise that tones and strengthens the muscles.

But cats are just four short tips that will allow the meat mixture soak up the fur will accumulate into a home with, so behavior problems are just hanging around because they don't get too trigger-happy.Alternative products are not recommended to lock the door closed.Many people choose to keep them healthy and save that sofa!If you live near other people plus unpleasant odor is revived making your cat has already scratched your furniture, use double stick tape on your plants.To train your cat, it's a good relationship with your cat, then introduce the two males, which, for anyone who isn't breeding for profit.

Cat Spray House

If you notice that your cat scratch your funiture or walls then place your cat is young will always make that spot unappealing.Now when your pet is an airway dilator when given by your reaction to the end of each toe, and as visual stimuli for the cat in the cat is the litter boxes and may decide to go, your cat, the best form of litter in it when it comes to litter boxes with glee, you can do this first, so that you are not destroyed, they will be destined to fail and you can gently lift her inside.In case if you want the post by rubbing a little more help than just getting the dog or cat is stressed?The best way to control fleas and ticks can also solve this problem. Keep your pet in the U.S.A. alone and scientists rightly blame the extinction of thirty-three species of cats.

A gradual supervised interaction is very traumatic and can provide as these are associated with allergic dermatitis may lick at their finished Customer Service area, and will greatly help to open the purse and look after it dries will makes it more more attractive to your pet's teeth when they shed their fur.Many concerns for cat litter boxes also require specific types of training.Sisal rope is readily available from pet stores.Since kidneys are responsible for eliminating odorDo you want any paint left on the infected area to see which one your cat is still leaving the room for a child.

[temeraaires-blog]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Season 2 Song Starters

SUPER long post and some  a lot of these are nsfw. Feel free to change pronouns/names/do whatever. 

Theme Song

I’m just a girl in love.

I can’t be held responsible for my actions.

I have no underlying issues to address.

They say love makes you crazy.

Love Kernels

I can live for days off a single “you really listen to me.”

I’m like a sexy fashion cactus.

But how do I know he loves me?

I guess the only way to prove it is through abstract symbolism.

He gives me love kernels.

If you read between the lines he’s saying “I love you.”

I’m the most important person in his life, next to his friend.

God, I’m thirsty after all that popcorn.

Whatever you got, baby, I’ll take it, baby.

Your house smells like lemon.

I’ll take it.

It’s a stretch but I’ll take that too.

______ is now played by a broom on a stand.

We’ll do our best with what we have.

We Should Definitely Not Have Sex Right Now

We should definitely not have sex right now.

I need time to reflect.

I’m in a really weird place.

There’s no reason to have sex again. But I’ll be ready to go again in ten.

Maybe This Dream

When I was a little girl, I felt like a princess.

I thought my dreams would come true, but then as I grew, the world was all like, "Nope.”

Maybe this dream won’t end in disgrace.

Maybe this dream is in reach.

Maybe this dream won’t be like my vibrator, breaking when I need it most.

Maybe this dream will finally me feel like I deserve a dream.

Greg’s Drinking Song

There’s joy and there’s glory more than you can think.

Yes, this is what happens to me when I drink.

I pee my pants!

Wow, I did not know it was that bad.

Chase down the regret with some gin for good luck.

I puke on my cat.

Poor little ____ did not expect that.

What happens when, I try to have one it just turns into ten.

That wasn’t a woman?

No, it was a bush.

So that’s where that scar comes from!

But he’s breaking his cycle and making a push!

He’s quitting his drinking.

I Could If I Wanted To (Reprise)

Whoop de frickin’ do.

My best friend is sleeping with my ex behind my back.

Who cares? I don’t.

But I could if I wanted---

Ping Pong Girl

Sports!

I could tell she’s the most perfect girl who’s ever existed.

Oh man, look at her pong that ping.

She does it for herself and that puts my fears to rest.

BRO!

She’s so aloof it borders on cold. And that’s what makes me want her.

Nothing’s hotter than a chick who’s good at sports.

She scored a thousand points!

I think I love her.

Ping pong shows she has control of her body, but it doesn’t threaten my masculinity like basketball or hockey.

She’s like Serena or Venus

She’s so indifferent. It makes me want a tangible commitment.

The Math of Love Triangles

What’s a girl to do when she’s stuck between men?

I wasn’t really listening

The center of the triangle is little ol’ me!

So I need to decide which man’s more acute.

Those are good puns, but please pay attention.

We’re starting to suspect you don’t sincerely want to know about triangles.

Is this a triangle?

No that’s a shoe.

No that’s you.

So I’m a triangle?

What? No!

Ooh, are you erect?

That’s really erect!

We’re tired of all your tangents.

You all deserve a kiss.

Lady, we’re all gay. We get nothing out of this.

It Was a Shit Show

I love you, yes.

The thought of staying is so enticing.

Then stay.

When you speak, my knees get weak.

I can’t believe what I’m sacrificing.

But let’s get real. We know the deal.

Darling, let’s not tiptoe.

This thing we had was not just bad. It was a shitshow.

We can’t undo, can’t make amends.

Disfunction is our lingua franca.

We can’t unscrew each other’s friends.

There’s hard to get, then there’s neglect.

To say it’s fate, you’d have to be a bit slow.

Not to be crass, but this sucked ass.

This was a shitshow.

We have chemistry, of course. But that’s a formula for divorce.

Oh what the hell, let’s get a hotel.

Life is short, and we’re not getting any younger.

But after sex what happens next...I mean, in the long run. Not just fatigue and hunger...

And when you say that I should stay, that’s exactly when I should split, though.

Though I won’t forget, I won’t regret.

Though I won’t forget, I won’t regret this beautiful, heart-stopping, breathtaking, life-changing…..

We Tapped That Ass

We tapped that ass all over this house.

Sometimes him. Sometimes me. Though never simultaneously.

But one of us was hitting it, usually.

That bed is really uncomfortable!

Right? It’s like a prison cot!

What? Too cheeky?

A little to the left/right

Wait! No, you’re doing it wrong. I’ll do it myself!

Barkeep! What’s on tap?

How much more tapping could one ass endure?

Thought Bubbles

Well, I don’t mind being alone.

I’m not afraid of what enters my mind when I’m so low.

I’m perfectly capable of taking of advantage of this time.

No, I don’t mind being alone with my thoughts.

That’s a bad thought!

I don’t like that thought!

What happens if I go to hell?

Chill out.

If I can’t hit the gym how will I ever be a good father?

Friendtopia

When my friends and I stick together there’s nothing we can’t do.

I specifically mean we’re going to stage a coup.

Squad goals!

A dystopia around our friendship

There’s a really exclusive sushi place that never lets us in.

Let’s just go home and drink rose.

I put drugs in the water supply.

Aww, I love Hocus Pocus.

Zig-a-zow!

Stuck in the Bathroom

Get me out of here!

Tonight was already super weird and now [you’re/she’s/he’s] stuck in the bathroom.

I have a deceptive amount of muscular strength thanks to my amazing core.

Her little bird arms aren’t going to do anything!

Whoever renovated this house did a terrible job!

I can’t believe it took us that long to come up with the most obvious solution.

Research Me Obsessively

Hey, what are you doing for the next, like, thirteen hours?

Don't do anything healthy. Don't be productive. Give in to your desire.

Find out everything you can about me

You Go First

We used to be there for each other, every second

I really wanna tell you that I'm sorry!

I really wanna tell you that I am the worst!

I just want to say I miss you every day!

This is almost entirely all my fault here. But you gotta admit it's just a tiny bit your fault too.

Sometimes you can be really passive aggressive!

Sometimes you can be really self-involved.

Go ahead and say you're kind of sorry! So I can say "Oh, no, no, no, please!” Just like I rehearsed!

If you open the door, I'll apologize so much more.

[But] You go first!

So Maternal

Parenting ain’t harrowing, demanding or traumatic!

Step aside ladies, give your babies to a Carol Brady level matriarch.

Low expectations - Raise ‘em up!

You know, I guess I just instinctively get how to be a mom and that's what sets me apart from other "mothers."

Damn, I’m so maternal!

Duh!

Duh! What was I thinking?

Can’t believe I couldn’t see it all along.

Don’t know what was going through my mind!

I’m just like -- ugh! God, I’m so stupid.

Looking back on old times. Like that one time. And that other time.

It’s so obvious!

Duh!

Who’s the New Guy?

Who's the new guy? I don't trust him

Do we really need a new guy this far into the season? And by "far into the season" I mean it's almost fall.

He's suspiciously good looking. In ways that normal people are not

Is this someone new we're gonna have to grow to care about?

Why should we root for someone male, straight and white?

We’ll Never Have Problems Again

We’ll never have problems again!

It's only smooth, smooth sailing from now on…

We used to have problems but now they're gone.

Do you remember, back when we had problems?

Man, that was annoying.

But now our love has magically solved [our problems].

And there won't be any more [problems] in our future at all!

Fine. I guess I’ll just Soul Train out of here.

The first test failed but that’s ‘cause it wasn’t true love. 

They say obsession biologically lasts four years at most but science doesn't apply to us.

Remember That We Suffered

But before you feel too great...remember that we suffered!

But we sing in a minor key to remember that we suffered!

Being happy is selfish!

You have no idea what pain is!

When I say 'we' you say 'suffered'!

Santa Ana Winds

Hello there, it's me.

I make things weird

That's science for "a pain in your asses"

They just got Santa Ana winded!

I'm a prankster. Tee-hee-hee-hee.

I just wanna see what will happen

You're looking really guilty

That kiss was all your fault!

I just reveal your deepest wishes and fears

So it's you, ________. It's not me who is super weird.

You ruined everything.

Let’s Have Intercourse

Unfortunately, I want to have sex with you

I don't know what happened

For some reason, you're now on the top of my to-do list

Let's get this over with so I can focus on other tasks

Just pretend I'm seducing you

Let's quickly have intercourse so I can move on with my life

Once we do it, it'll be like “Well, that's what that was like.”

I mean, obviously you want to, too

Just super quickly have intercourse

Sometimes my body wants things that my mind does not

My body wants things that make my mind go, "Uh, body, what?"

We're animals It's unfortunate.

So come on, let's contortion it!

I won't be back to normal till I see what your nipples look like.

Until we stop wasting time talking 'bout it and we super quickly, it'll only take a second, have intercourse.

Good thing I happen to have an old condom In my wallet

You’re My Best Friend (And I Know I’m Not Yours)

You’re my best friend, and I know I’m not yours.

And that’s okay.

I’m not your best friend.

I’m okay.

Friendship doesn’t have to be a two-way street.

I don’t need a shoulder to cry!

Your best friend is somebody else. But I get it.

I love you like a sister and you love me like a second cousin.

I said it’s okay! Really!

Man Nap

It’s a man nap!

Time to nap like a man!

Life is so tiring when you’re a man.

It’s exhausting being so damn strong.

‘Cause when a man gets older, his testosterone starts getting low.

Tell Me I’m Okay, Patrick

You represent the outside world because you don’t know me.

No pressure, but I seriously need to know.

‘Cause I think I’m fine ______, but I’m only, like, forty-three percent sure.

I’m sorry that I yelled.

Tell me I’m okay.

Period Sex

It’s period sex.

Put down a towel, party till it’s dry.

Are those sheets expensive?

I’ll Venmo you back for your sheets.

I hope you can get those sheets again.

What a Rush to be a Bride

Can you believe you snagged him?

Forever you will have him standing right there by your side.

I’ve been picturing this day since I’ve been a little girl.

Why veer from the classics?

Rebecca’s Reprise

You’ve gotten everything you’ve ever wanted.

It turns out magic exists.

Everything in the past will just fade away.

I’ll never have problems again.

[purple-socks-and-sandles]

My Horrific Psychiatric Experience at Shands Vista

PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS, OR JUST REBLOG IT. IT’S IMPORTANT. It might be hard to read, so be advised: this post deals with suicide, depression, and abuse.

I’m going to supply background, for any people who stumble upon this post because of the tags. My name is Sarah, I’m 15, and I’m generally a very happy person. I have two sweet dogs, an amazing boyfriend, a great family, and many kind friends. I don’t like high school, I get stressed by tests, and I’m involved in my school’s drama program. I’m a normal teenager. In general though, I love life. But when I was 12, I was depressed. I’d been depressed ever since my parents divorced in the third grade. I lived my life in a haze of apathy. I quit soccer and withdrew from my friends. I stopped reading, and baking became something I only did when my mom asked, instead of the pastime I used to enjoy. I missed school often because I had to fake stomach aches and colds. I couldn’t force myself to go to school, I could hardly leave the bed to eat or pee. I had started to believe that no one cared about me. My parents preferred my brother. My friends only tolerated me because of our small school. I even convinced myself that my dog didn’t love me. I remember some days I couldn’t even feel anything, physically or emotionally. I would hold my hands under burning hot water from the sink, desperate for any kind of feeling. I live in Florida, and there were times where ever though it was blazing hot outside, all I could feel was cold. 

I got more and more tired of life. All I wanted was to go to sleep and never wake up. I began planning my suicide attempt. At the time, there were men working on our house. I rode the bus, and I made the decision that, if I came home the day after Easter and they were there, I wouldn’t do it. If they weren’t, I would. I planned to take 14 ibuprofen pills. When I came home after Easter, the men weren’t at our house. My brother was, however. I didn’t know what to do. I decided to go through with my plan. I took 10, and then panicked. I texted my mom and told her what I did, but got no response. I texted one of my friends, and then I took 4 more pills, adding up to the 14 I had planned. I don’t know why I did, except that I wanted to go through with the entire plan. As soon as I swallowed the last pill, I realized I wasn’t ready. I walked over to my brother and told him what I’d done. He was 15 at the time. I had him call our mom while I called paramedics. They arrived, along with police officers. I made my brother stay home with our dog while I rode to the hospital alone. The lady paramedic gave me charcoal to drink, and it stained my teeth for 3 days. She asked me questions about my insurance and where my parents were, and tried to call my mom but got no answer. She left a message, and when we arrived at the hospital my mother and father were both there. My mother was crying, and my father was angry. They didn’t understand why I had done what I’d done, and I couldn’t figure out how to tell them why. They explained that I was going to have to stay in a psychiatric hospital. 

My parents are, for the most part, good parents. They knew I was depressed. I was in therapy. They were doing their best. 

Soon, I was hustled into a shuttle van for Vista, the psychiatric hospital I was being taken to. I remember during the drive, I was puzzled by the seat setup. It was a van, and I was alone in the back on the one seat they had. Two orderlies were in the front. There were multiple seatbelts in the back, and I remember thinking it would be easy for someone to strangle themselves. My mother was following us, and we pulled into Vista around midnight. They led us to a room, where we said our goodbyes and took the stuff I wasn’t allowed to have. I was led to the main room in the child ward, where I sat at a table and read a piece of paper. I think it was the rules. I don’t believe I was ever shown my rights. After the paper stuff was done, a male nurse led me to another room and took my vitals and talked to me. He then offered me some pills to help me sleep. I declined them, and he led me to my room. I was told I would have to sleep on my mattress on the floor so I could be on eye watch, because they needed to be sure I wouldn’t hurt myself. I was too tired to care. I fell asleep at around 1:30 in the morning, only to be woken up a few hours later for bloodwork. I fell asleep again, finally woken up for the last time at 6 in the morning. I wasn’t told what was happening, only to get up and get dressed, brush my teeth and hair, and get ready. I was barely awake when I heard some girl sobbing. She was being ;ed out of a room, and another person took her place. The next person came out crying too. I could hear yelling sometimes, and I resolved to not be hurt by whatever was in there. It didn’t work. 

I walked into a small room with a large table, surrounded by adults. An asian man in professional clothes stood by the table with a computer on a tall desk. He ordered me to sit at the front, and I did. I admit I had an attitude when I first walked in, but that changed quickly. The man, Dr. Mathew Nguyen, began to yell at me. I was in tears within seconds. I tried to talk back to him, to stand up for myself, because I knew what he was doing was wrong, but he only yelled more. He told the social worker, a man named Gary, to send word to the nurses that I was not allowed to talk to any of the other kids that day. I was to sit by myself in the corner at a desk, completely isolated. He ordered me out of the room after making me feel worthless, worse than I’ve ever felt in my life. The first day I was there, I sat at that desk and cried nonstop. I sobbed, and when I was too dehydrated to shed tears I cried soundlessly. Every time a nurse came to make sure I was doing my work I asked to call my mom. They told me no, I wasn’t allowed. I had no idea at the time that it was illegal for them to do that, that it violated my rights as a patient. I wasn’t even allowed that day to call my mom at the time that they allowed (8:00 PM). When my mom and dad came to see me later that day, I was a wreck. I’m sure my face was puffy and red, and my voice hoarse. They tried to comfort me, but eventually they had to leave, and I was all alone again.

While I was there, I was forced to write essays that demeaned me. I still have the essays, and could transcribe them if anyone was interested. At first glance, they seem reasonably. Subject matter such as letters of apology and how to gain my mother’s trust back. But reading the letters, it’s apparent that I was forced to write them to punish me. I promised to not go to extracurricular school events so as not to inconvenience my parents. I would never argue with her. But this wasn’t enough for him. I was forced to rewrite ‘How to Gain my mother’s trust back’ three times, and read it aloud each time. I was forced to write about how I was planning my own murder, why I get my feelings hurt so much, why I was crying, I am acting childish, and I judge everyone other than myself. I’ll post pictures of all the letters later, so that people reading this have a clear image of what I was forced to write. I remember I was forced to write an essay on why I hate my mother, but he kept that essay, likely so I wouldn’t ever have proof that he made me write it.

Every day we had to go to an hour of group therapy. The group was run by Mr. Gary, the social worker on the unit. We were supposed to talk about any of our feelings. I realized very quickly that they really wanted us to pretend we were feeling better. Once in group, I spoke about how I was afraid of Dr. Nguyen. The next day, when I went to my daily morning meeting with Nguyen, he screamed at me. He told me I had no right to be afraid, that I’d done this to myself. I realized everyone at Vista was always listening to what the kids were saying, even the social worker that we’re supposed to trust and that is supposed to be there for our safety. Vista preached that they wanted you to express your feelings, but they would punish you if you spoke about anything negative that you felt. 

The first couple of days I was there, I was put on Prozac. For any of you who know, Prozac has a long half-life, and takes a while to come into effect. Apparently, people at Vista weren’t satisfied with it after only 3 days of me on it, so they switched me to Celexa. Unbeknownst to me, after another couple of days they called my parents; they wanted to put me on Abilify. Abilify isn’t recommended for children unless they absolutely need it, such as an anti-psychotic. Dr. Nguyen wanted to put me on it because he was concerned about my rapid mood swings in the morning (me crying after he screamed at me). Thankfully, my parents are well informed. My mom called him out on this decision. “What are you thinking? My daughter’s crying in the morning because you scream at her. That’s a normal response to a traumatic event. What are you thinking, advising me to put her on Abilify?” My parents refused to consent. The next day, I was punished for it. I was sitting at my desk, alone, when the head nurse, a woman named Deb, came over. She starts ranting to me about how dare my parents think they know more than the doctor and her. She’s been a nurse much longer than they’ve been alive, even (I don’t believe she realized my parents as as old or older than her). She’s blaming me for my parents decision. I couldn’t even believe what I was hearing. My parents are a social worker and a now-retired DCF employee. I knew she wasn’t allowed to speak to me about this, and certainly not allowed to blame me. It was a broach of conduct. When my parents visited later that day, I told them what she had said to me. They were stunned and angered. They told me later they chewed Dr. Nguyen out about his nurse blaming me for my parents’ choice.

It wasn’t just me he treated horribly. All of the other patients, the other kids, suffered. One boy, a huge, muscular guy who’s name I won’t say, was never allowed to sit with the rest of us. I was released from the desk after a few days. Dr. Nguyen never let this boy talk to any of us, not even in group. He made him sit at the desk all day, from when he woke up to when he went to sleep. And he cried nonstop. He was so, so sad. I smiled at him once and he only cried harder. Dr. Nguyen isolated him only because he couldn’t stop crying. One boy, who had an eating disorder, had a feeding tube down his throat. He vomited it up one day, and was scheduled to have it put back in by dinner time. I was talking to him at breakfast and he said it was so much easier to eat food without it. He even seemed excited to eat! But Dr. Nguyen forced him to have it put back in, even though he knew it was easier for this kid to eat without it. 

After two weeks, I was transferred from an inpatient to an outpatient. I only went to Vista during the day, and I was allowed to sleep at home. I was so excited! One of the days I was home, I wanted to wear a dress I had. I tried it on and I was so excited to wear it. My mom, however, thought it was too revealing. She told me to take it off, and we got into a huge fight. Finally, she said she would have to talk to Dr. Nguyen about it. I begged her not to, I was in tears about what he would do. She told him, and he yelled and yelled at me. I wanted to rip up every dress I had. He screamed about how I shouldn’t show off my body, and I wanted to exchange every article of clothing I had with baggy pants and shirts. I never wanted anyone to see me again.

The last day of my inpatient program, my mom told me in the morning before she dropped me off that I was probably going to be released, but Dr. Nguyen wanted to wait until he saw me to decide. It was true, though; I was being released.

But I don’t remember that. I don’t remember much of that day, or any of the two days after. Because here’s the kicker, the worst thing he did: He almost killed me. My mom came to pick me up that day, and she knew, from across the room, something was wrong. All the way home, I had a tremor in my leg, I was jiggling it, something I never do. I had no idea it was happening until she asked me if I knew I was doing it. I remember that, and that’s all. She says we went out to eat at a local restaurant that I liked, but I don’t remember. I don’t remember the ride home or my mom asking me questions or her phone conversation with my new psychiatrist. I don’t remember the ride to the hospital the next day, to see what was wrong with me. I don’t remember the doctor explaining to my mom that I was showing signs of serotonin syndrome, and that my serotonin levels were way higher than they should have been. All of this is a blank for me, except for the images I can piece together from what my mom said. She immediately took me off Celexa, and waited until we could talk to my psychiatrist to figure out what to do. If not for my mom, who is informed about medicines and side effects, I would have continued taking Celexa, maybe until it was too late. Dr. Nguyen’s care could have resulted in my death, the very thing he was “trying to prevent”. 

I left Vista worse than I came in. I could have died, and I was more depressed than I had ever been. Even now, 3 years later, I still have a phobic response if I see a man who looks like Dr. Nguyen. My heart starts to race, I feel light headed, and I feel so terrified. I had my first panic attack in Vista because of him. It was Sunday, and I’d been told he doesn’t come in on the weekend. But I heard his footsteps while I was eating breakfast (he wore heeled shoes because he was short), I froze. Terror poured through my entire body. I had trouble breathing. Even now, I still get scared at the possibility of seeing him again. I don’t think I’ll ever get past it. 

I want people to know what he did to me, to the kids under his care. I want this post to come up when people search him, so they know what he’s doing to their kids. I want to make sure no one is treated like this again, at least not by him. I don’t have a lot of power, as a kid, but I do have this. I can let people know what he did to me, and hope they show others, so that he never does to anyone else what he did to me and my friends. Please reblog this, show your friends, make it popular. Let the world know what kind of a doctor he is.

[erinlennox69]

Creamfields 2017

coWhile enduring the dramatic anti-climax which has been left following the conclusion of Creamfields, I felt that if I put my thoughts into words in the form of a blog post it might help to ease the pain ever so slightly. I’m just going to start off by saying that the overall experience was UNBELIEVABLE. As my first real festival, I must admit that it set the bar rather high in terms of standards. 

Throwing it back to February, the line-up for Creamfields had just been announced. “We definitely need to go this year” Aimee, my sister, would say to me. This was something that had been discussed for the past two years but continuously fell through on account of a variety of reasons. I believed that this year would be the same. I was wrong. My student loan somehow wiggled its way into my account and within a matter of minutes my sister and I had our deposit paid. This was it. We were GOING. 

After leaving virtually everything to the last minute, from the boat tickets to the camping gear, I found myself losing sleep on the run up to the departure day. I panicked myself useless about the concept of driving through Liverpool by myself. I panicked about how many bags my sister and I were going to take with us. I panicked about money. As this trip grew closer and closer, I found myself growing more and more anxious. It was safe to say that I was not looking forward to it. Then, before long, the day had arrived. My sister and I took an early morning trip to Asda to gather up alcohol, amongst other things, before heading to get breakfast. After getting some well-deserved shut eye before packing up my belongings, it was time to leave for the ferry. We stopped to collect a tent from Aimee’s friend, Sam, who was supposed to be meeting us there. He was giving it to us as he was getting a flight over and had too much to carry. We agreed to take it, believing that it would be one of those two-man tents which only required 10 minutes and a general understanding of construction to build. To our surprise, it was not one of those tents but a whopping nine-man tent which more resembled a small block of flats as opposed to a tent. With the backseat of my car, and my boot, being jam-packed with our stuff, Aimee and I could only laugh at how the hell we planned on carrying all of this stuff to the campsite. We laughed because if we didn’t, we would most definitely cry. After an 8 hour boat journey which felt like a sleepless lifetime watching the live action remake of Beauty and the Beast, we had arrived in Liverpool and it was my time to shine in terms of driving. I had managed to convince myself that driving in England was no different to driving in Northern Ireland. Oh, and I was wrong. It was completely fucking different. Northern Ireland was a lot more green and a lot less huge. If I took a wrong turn, there was a possibility that I would end up in North Wales and that was something I took extreme measures to avoid. After driving on the motorway for about 30 minutes, we began to notice signs that directed us towards Creamfields. I don’t know whether I was excited or just buzzing because it meant I was going the right way. Probably a happy mixture of both. 

We paid our car parking ticket and made our way onto a field where there were numerous party-goers ready to get wrecked. I must admit, after the gruelling and traumatic venture to Creamfields, I could have used a drink, myself. We unloaded all of our luggage onto the grass beside our car and with one look at each other, we had already admitted defeat. We most definitely could not take Sam’s monstrosity of a tent with us. We loaded ourselves up with bags, made about 10 steps away from the car and gave up. This was not happening. Then, out of the corner of my eye I noticed these little men with blue wheelbarrows. At first I thought it may have been a hallucination, but then I realised it was a miracle. I approached them and put on my most audible accent because let’s face it, the English have a terrible time at understanding Northern Irish people. Fuck, Northern Irish people have a terrible time at understanding other Northern Irish people. These guys were no older than 25 and looked like they were just there for a party, which is fair play because weren’t we all? They informed me that the wheelbarrows were £20 for 3 hour use and required a £30 deposit in case they didn’t get them back in time. £50 was a small price to pay and we paid it. Skipping happily up the hill towards the queues, we were on top of the world as it seemed that this weekend was finally here after months of (not-so-much) planning. That was until we had to wait SIX HOURS before getting near the entrance. The sun was beating down, I was dying to pee and Aimee was growing more and more agitated as time went on. Not to mention this wheelbarrow was becoming more of a curse than a blessing as we wheeled it in slow motion up a grassy hill. It also was beginning to seem unlikely that we would get our deposit back for it. We finally made it past security and into the camp site. At this point we were past caring. Since I was the only one who knew how to build a tent, I pitched our tent and then blew up our mattresses while Aimee caught rays and got stuck into the drink. 

The second day started off much better. I was showered, fully rested and feeling funky fresh. Also, Sam and the rest of the group were to be joining us so I could talk to someone else that wasn’t Aimee. One problemo: our phones were both dead and we had no way to contact them and tell them where we were. On our way to get our phones charged, we heard someone yelling our names from across the campsite. I turned around to see one tall, green haired girl and another short dark haired girl in a rainbow fringed dress running towards us. Although they were completely unfamiliar to me, Aimee recognised them straight away. They were Claire and Chloe-- Sam’s friends! We immediately followed them to their tent and helped to move their tent away from where they had pitched it (which was coincidentally right next to a man who had shaved his head right down the middle and spray painted the empty space green). When we moved their tent next to ours, we happened to spot a group of guys trying to pitch their tent at the same time as ours. Claire ran over and began helping them and I followed suit. Before long, we were exchanging names. After the ever-so-snappy meet and greet, we all headed our separate ways into the arena. Within minutes of making it to the arena, Aimee managed to get lost so I clung to Claire and Chloe for dear life. Having only met them a few hours prior to this, it was quite the bonding experience. I watched Chloe get absolutely mauled by a mosh pit that she didn’t mean to find her way into the middle of. Although I felt awful about it, it was so horrifically funny that I couldn’t help but laugh. I watched Wilkinson, Sigma and began to watch The Chainsmokers when we happened to lose Claire so Chloe and I decided to head back to the campsite where we found Aimee. Shortly after, Chloe went missing. Aimee and I decided to look for her but with no avail. However, we ran into Claire who was, at this point, absolutely steaming. We headed back to the tent to find that our Scottish neighbours had returned. We were all saying our ‘hello’s’ when a Scottish accent emerged from their tent saying “Is this your pal in our tent?” I stuck my head into the tent to see a small person in a rainbow, fringed dress laying in a sleeping bag. It was Chloe. We decided to let her sleep while we all sat on our chairs outside chatting. Chloe then emerged again after a while of hiding out in their tent. We all bonded rather quickly, discussing our interests and talking about ourselves and most importantly, THOSE SCOTTISH ACCENTS. One particular guy decided to sleep in our tent with the blow-up mattresses and regardless of how much of a fight I put up, he insisted. One of the other guys then informed me that there was an extra tent and that we should put it up so we could have somewhere to sleep as his tent was severely overcrowded and so was mine. It quickly came to my attention that he couldn’t build a tent either so I took control and essentially bossed him around giving him little odd jobs to do. After constructing my fourth tent in the space of 2 days, everyone retired to their own tents, minus me and the two Scottish dudes, all of which had been displaced due to lack of space. 

The following day, we awoke and sat out on the chairs again, greeting each other with ‘good morning’ and ‘how did you sleep?’ Most of the answers consisted of ‘not very well’ as they were similar conditions to that of a shanty town with our heads each being less than a metre to the person beside us, even if they weren’t in the same tent as us. I, however, slept disgracefully well as the Scottish bloke I shared a tent with didn’t snore like Aimee did and I was completely spacious. We spent the entire day chatting again and it was as if we had known these guys for years. When the evening began to draw in, we brought over the Aussie/Kiwi/Essex neighbours we both had and began to play drinking games before leaving to go to the arena. We all went together as if it were a family day out. We watched Nicky Romero, Dimitri Vegas and Like Mike, Axwell^Ingrosso, Marco Corolla and Camelphat. I headed back to the tent relatively earlier than everyone else as Aimee was not in the shape to be staying out any longer and I’m not going to be an asshole and send her back alone. One of the Scottish dudes decided to come, too. (Coincidentally, it was the one who stole my bed the previous night.) He decided to take my bed for a second night in a row, much to my dismay. As much as I enjoyed sharing a tent with this bloke because he didn’t snore and I had plenty of room, I felt like I was overstaying my welcome and I didn’t want to be an annoyance to him. I also didn’t want to be homeless that night, though, so I climbed into the tent and went to sleep. He was a real gent about it, however, so thanks for that. It was easily one of the best nights of my life. The atmosphere was amazing and everyone was in high spirits, other than a few iffy moments had between Aimee and I. Siblings, amaright? 

The third/final day was just a big bundle of emotions. I woke up feeling rather rough so I was reluctant af to start drinking again but alas, I gritted my teeth and carried on like the trooper I am. The guy I shared the tent with and another of the Scottish lads had to head home early in the morning, so that sucked slightly although I didn’t really mind because it meant I got even MORE space in the tent for my final night. We spent the whole day together again and drinking games in the evening became like a family game night tradition. We played a genius game which involved one individual reading out a word and everyone else had to sing a song line which contained that word. Although awkward at the start, the drunker that people got, the funnier the game got. We then headed out. This was definitely the night that I got the most drunk. I managed to sneak a bottle of Russian standard vodka into the arena and I got paralytic. I vaguely remember watching Alesso, Hardwell and Tiesto. I had a rather huge fight with my sister, again, though which resulted in me getting lost and crying the majority of the time (It had to happen at some point, didn’t it.) I tried to watch Eric Prydz but the tent was so packed out that I didn’t get anywhere near it so I decided to head back to the tent to change. By the time I reached it, it was 10:45 and the arena was due to close at 11:00 so I felt little point in going back. Before long, the campsite began to fill up with people. We sat round in a circle and chatted again. I can just about recall getting political with my conversation and that is often dangerous territory for a drunk version of myself, and for that, I am sorry. I went to bed rather promptly that evening as everyone else began to fade rather quickly and it was an early start the next morning to begin the clear-up operation. I adopted Chloe for the evening as it was freezing and I needed someone else to help heat up the tent. 

Waking up the following morning was an extremely bitter feeling. It was the beginning of the end. I woke up with a jolt of energy as I wanted to get everything as organised as possible as most of my stuff was spread between each of the four tents I had pitched, almost as if I was marking my territory. After we all got our stuff gathered together, it was time to say our goodbyes. We gave each of them a rather emotional hug and a drastic uncertainty if we would ever see any of them again. They all took off and Aimee, Claire, Chloe and I sat down to reflect on our time before picking our stuff up and heading on. We decided to leave our tents and our camping chairs behind as it would have been just too much to carry and we no longer had a need for them. We then took off across the campsite to the car park and then to McDonalds to stuff our faces with food we had been talking about for about 4 hours prior. (F.Y.I, the drive back was EVEN MORE stressful.) We then all parted ways in the ASDA car park and Aimee and I headed off to endure yet another gruelling ferry journey back to Belfast.

All in all, I wouldn’t change a single second of the entire trip. I would even do it all over again if time allowed me to. We couldn’t have met a better bunch of people to spend our time with. The music was amazing and the atmosphere made the experience even better. When we return next year I only hope that it can match how good this year was. 

The only thing I can safely say is that if I ever have to look at another can of Strongbow Dark Fruits in my life, I will cry myself to sleep.

EL xx