#like she doesn't care/want them anymore. so they leave her be. it's a shame. if they attended (and they would've done so w/o

[rustedleopard]

(Gaymeatcore) Ough fellow ceroba was born with no tails/really small stumpy tails person. It's so interesting to me since for mythological kitsune's tails give them power so I feel like this would make it harder for ceroba to control her magic or maybe she's weaker than other kitsunes? I imagine kanako would've grown multiple tails had she grown older but oh well.

I like to think ceroba's magic instead goes in her hair and she has stronger magic when it's longer, wich is why she had shorter hair as a kid(see the teen pic) because her parents didn't want to deal with a little "unstable" kid with strong magic, especially fire magic.

I was gonna elaborate on it more with the other ask you sent me asking for my thoughts on Ceroba's family (don't worry, I haven't forgotten about it. It's still there) but I headcanon that Ceroba was the only kitsune in her family born without a tail. And since (in my headcanon world) kitsune tails are seen as markers for how powerful/wise/how much "potential" a kitsune will have in life, being born without a tail basically looks like she has no potential at all and is doomed to be a failure. Now, of course, this isn't true. It's just superstition. There is no unshakable quality (like your zodiac animal/zodiac sign/etc) that someone is born into that determines their personality and/or how well they'll do in life. You only know how well you'll do in life by living it. But that didn't stop her parents from taking it seriously and investing their time and attention more into her siblings who have a/multiple tails and are thus seen as "better" for it. Her parents are a bunch of shitty traditionalists :/

Ceroba tried to beat out those expectations by perfecting her magic (hence why she casts bullets which require such precise control to dodge and is pretty damn strong) and tried her hardest academically and everything to please her parents and make them look at her, but they wouldn't so much as look past the fact that she's tailless. So she gave up on them. And that's a massive factor in why she doesn't keep contact with them anymore.

Sometimes though, she still feels like the foolish, tailless, potential-less little kitsune that her parents saw in her......

[erinaeris]

Laios Touden and the Responsibility of Power

First off, let me gush just a bit about how fucking STRONK this man is. Olympic weightlifters are dying of sheer envy and lust over this man. He is a FUCKING POWERHOUSE.

My favorite panels ever, and judging by the cropping of the second photo, Tumblr agrees.

AHEM, where was I?

Ah yes. He's not just strong and incredibly hot, my man is literally an invasive species in this dungeon. He knows every single weak spot of every monster Thistle tried to throw at him and when he finds it he just fucking RAMS HIMSELF AT THEM AND TAKES THEM DOWN.

And when he's a dwarf HE LITERALLY BENDS STEEL.

"Beat Namari at arm wrestling"? My boy, she wouldn't let you anywhere near because you'd FUCKING BREAK HER HER HAND ALONG WITH THE TABLE. (It's such a fucking shame we didn't see Senshi at least raising an (perfectly plucked except it just grows that way naturally) eyebrow in the background when he sees this. Alas, he was too distracted by his hair.)

But I mentioned responsibility, didn't I? Strength is power in the dungeon, and we all knows what comes with great power. And Laios is, in fact, very responsible with that power!

(Futther examples under the cut, wee bit spoilers for anime watchers)

This scene lives rent-free in my head forever, because of two things: Thistle suddenly realizing just what the hell he's up against,

And Laios breaking Thistle's arm.

Now, I think Laios didn't mean to actually break his arm here, he's just half-blind and dizzy and knows he has to restrain Thistle or it will all go to shit. So that's what he does. The move you see above is a restraining hold. The point is that the person pinned down can't struggle much because the position of the arm presses the suprascapular nerve, so it hurts a lot, but unless they're held that way for too long they'll be fine.

But Thistle is TINY and elves are generally fine-boned. I think Laios really did just underestimate his strength.

And the moment the dragons aren't an IMMEDIATE THREAT anymore?

Laios heals him. Thistle's a better mage than him by miles, he could have done it himself. But no. Laios does it. He was too rough, too careless with his strength, and he immediately backtracked, fixed what he broke, and continued with more mindfullness.

And these are just the examples that stuck in my mind the most. And it happens often enough that the team isn't even fucking surprised! Laios' strength would 100% scare people who only saw him in a barfight and didn't know anything else about him. Hell, the other adventurers they meet fucking quiver before this guy who just took down a monster they had nightmares about in one blow, up until he opens his mouth and they relax. You put more malevolent software in that sort of hardware and he'd be the next Shadow Governor.

But Laios is Laios. He's a gentle soul at heart (a Great Pyrenese, specifically, the gentlest souls ever unless you're out for their flock) and he is VERY CAREFUL with his strength, ESPECIALLY around his team. Chilchuck, who is literally half his size and underfed to boot, can smack Laios as much as he wants with ZERO fear because Laios is aware he can hurt Chilchuck by literally tripping over him, so he just stays still and lets Chilchuck smack at him. I'd be surprised if he ever managed to leave a bruise. Chilchuck has to aim at Laios' weak spot (back of the knee here) just to get Laios to notice him!

But because I have some experience with marital arts and close combat, I think the fight with Shuro exemplifies my point so fucking well! Laios is HURT here, he's living every autistic person's worst nightmare.

And he HOLDS BACK. His restraint is fucking IMMACULATE.

Shuro is fucking lucky Laios still liked him when he started talking shit, because he would have broken his spine otherwise. Laios doesn't even take the fight seriously! He starts with a fucking SLAP.

Shuro retaliates with an actual punch (that does nothing but piss him off)

Laios wobbles. Shuro HITS THE DIRT.

And this is the part where he realizes just how outside his weight category he is. Shuro definitely has technique on his side, but that means jackshit when you need ten blows to to even bruise your opponent, but one hit from them will leave you drinking through a straw for a week. For a second there, Shuro thought he was in ACTUAL DANGER.

But instead of finishing the job, Laios tries to talk him down, which just sets him off again. Man was at his fucking LIMIT, and it snapped. Self-preservation who?

And the best part is? Shuro is throwing all his strength behind his punches and Laios just takes them, but Laios? He mostly pushed Shuro around!

They're mostly grappling here, precisely because Laios is very conscious his friend is pretty fragile right now.

And when he does have enough?

Shuro is flat on the ground again, and Laios has a black eye and a bloody nose. He sits down and five minutes later he's ready to go! Like yes, Shuro was at a low point here, but he's been mowing through monsters at only a bit slower pace than Laios' party. He's no weakling regardless. And Laios had to HOLD BACK SO HE WOULDN'T HURT HIM. And it's so obvious that Maizuru takes one look at the two of them and leaves them to their toussling.

When I saw her reaction I had to scroll back and take another look, because I was sure she would intervene! But she doesn't! She is aware of Laios' strength, she has to be, and she doesn't lift a finger to help her precious charge. She knows the big dog he's wrestling with knows to watch his strength.

And that's my whole point: my boi is STRONK AF! And he is very aware of his strength, and how he could hurt the people around him is he wasn't careful, so he is ALWAYS CAREFUL. He has deeply internalized the fact that to have strength is to be careful with it, to use it in service of people rather than to hurt them (possibly from his dad). He is going to SUCH a good king! He's not going to like the job but by GOD he will do it really well.

And I will give my right arm to see a fic about the first corrupt lord/governor/courtier who attempts to misuse their authority for their own gain. Kabru's gonna have to talk Laios out of an execution.

[shitpostingsapphic]

A thought I had:

So we know that while Vi was unconscious after act 2 and before episode 8, Caitlyn tended to her on the battlefield and went to great effort to get Vi the medical attention she needed, as well as move her all the way to the Kiramman estate so that Caitlyn could keep a close eye on her. Caitlyn has been largely occupied by that task, of safeguarding Vi.

Jinx saw all of it. She saw the way Caitlyn helped rescue Vander, saw the way she tended to her older sister, likely saw the love and worry and fear in Caitlyn's face and demeanor, all directed towards Vi and for Vi. I think it contributed to Jinx giving herself up. Not just due to grief after losing Isha, but even if they still held animosity towards each other, she could see that in those moments, Caitlyn's priority was Vi. She was Vi's protector.

Later, when Vi goes to release Jinx, Jinx gives her blessing for Vi and Caitlyn to be together. Which may seem odd at first, given everything I've just stated isn't shown on screen. But it's almost certain it happened. Jinx got to witness firsthand the depth of love that Caitlyn has for Vi. And after their reconciliation in act 2, Jinx has been able to reconnect with her sister and see all the ways Vi still holds love for her, as well as the ways Vi still is hurting.

If I were Jinx, fresh off feeling immense guilt for the ways my actions have influenced great pain, and being filled with both grief, shame, and love, I would likely want that love for my sister, the love that Caitlyn shows to Vi.

Jinx finally gets to see the depth of their connection. I think she gets to understand why they can't seem to let go of each other, why they connected in the first place, at least on some level.

There's also the scene that Jinx and Caitlyn share, where it's clear that Caitlyn still holds animosity towards Jinx, but it no longer benefits either of them, their hatred for each other. They both come to that conclusion together. It hurts the innocent people they come into contact with, but more than that, it hurts VI. Vi has been torn between them, and Caitlyn doesn't want to be that person anymore. Jinx's feelings on the matter are much more fresh and extreme, of course, but it's the same thought pattern. She doesn't want to be the person that hurts Vi anymore.

And yes, there's no denying that Jinx is influenced by her suicidal thoughts and wants to leave Vi in the care of someone who loves her, but regardless of the emotions warring within her, Jinx knows Caitlyn loves Vi and how far she would go for her.

It brings more clarity to the blessing she gives Vi. And goddammit, isn't that really fucking emotionally moving?

[gothsoyl]

┊┊┊⁺ ⁺ DECEMBER CHALLENGE

"Forgive me" rio vidal x reader word count: 1754 summary: you were sent to the catholic boarding school by your parents. you weren't the most rebellious type, but you weren't straight and it was enough for your them. she's one of the nun who's constantly keeping an eye on you, trying to help and adjust here.

Your parents sent you to Catholic school when they saw you kissing your classmate in one of the shopping malls. You always knew how much they despised... people like you, but you never thought that you would’ve to face their anger. 

They raged and said that people like you don't belong here.

“God will punish you,” your father practically spat out these words, and you went silent, just looked at the floor and thought that it sounded... disgusting. 

If there is a god and if he created you like this, why should he punish you?

You didn't understand how it worked. You didn't understand why you were so ashamed of what was a part of you. 

Or are they right and it will pass?

“You should’ve been more careful,” you told yourself, sitting in the back seat of the car while your parents drove you to Catholic school. They said that the devil will be cast out of you. You're just confused, they said, but you've never felt confused until now.

You felt great until your parents intervened. And now you're being eaten up by a sense of shame and misunderstanding.

You adjust your long skirt and look at your neighbors – they seem painfully normal and you relax a little.

“You need to go to Sister Vidal,” says one of the girls, turning her head slightly sideways and examining the things that you put out of the suitcase, “she usually shows the school to the new ones.”

You nod, lost in your thoughts, but then the girl puts her hand on your shoulder and whispers.

“Hide it,” you look at her in incomprehension, after which you look down at the pack of cigarettes in your things, “if someone sees it, then you can be punished.”

“You mean the teachers?”

“Students can rat on you too,” she shrugs and takes a step back, giving you at least some sense of personal space.

You don't like this place even more.

***

You’re sitting in the garden under one of the trees, the leaves of which have already begun to fall off. It's cold on the ground and you just press your knees to your chest, trying to get unnecessary thoughts out of your head.

You want to go home, but it feels like you don't have a home anymore.

You reach for a pack of cigarettes in the pocket of your skirt and light it, taking a long drag. You have no desire to go to classes, and what can they do? Expel you? As if leaving this place could be a punishment.

“I usually meet new students in my office, not smoking in the garden,” you immediately flinch and turn around. The smoke from the cigarette gets into the wrong throat, burning the walls and making you cough, and your eyes get wet from tears. 

You try to come to your senses faster and quickly wipe your eyes, watching a female figure in a monk's robe that is slowly approaching you.

“You’re a Sister Vidal?” Your voice is a little hoarse and you're still trying to clear your throat while you're taking in the woman in front of you. You think she's angry for breaking one of the rules, but you don't see a shadow of irritation in her eyes – just calmness and some kind of distance. 

“You're a smart girl, aren't you?” You're frowning a little, trying to figure out what's going on. She doesn't even seem to pay attention to the fact that one of the students is sitting in front of her and smoking instead of going to class.

The nun carefully sits down next to you and looks up, but you can't take your eyes off her. It even makes you uncomfortable how close she is sitting, but you don't say anything. 

You take another drag, but your throat still hurts.

“A few girls come here of their own free will,” her voice is quiet, but there is a firmness in it that makes you listen to her every word, “many start to rebel and think that this is the end of the world. But it doesn't make them, their parents, or us feel any better.”

“What are you even talking about?” you frown a little and notice how a faint smile appears on her lips and disappears just as quickly.

“I mean, the more you resist and rebel, the harder it will be for you in the first place,” she looks at you so attentively that you immediately begin to feel vulnerable. There's no hostility in her expression, but something makes you feel weird. She slowly lowers her gaze at the pack of cigarettes and holds out her hand. You hesitate, but you give them to her anyway, taking another drag.

“Is it indecent for girls to smoke?” You laugh when you see the look on her face as she examines the cigarettes. It seems funny to you, but Rio shakes her head and quickly snatches the cigarette out of your hands.

“It's indecent for anyone to smoke, darling,” she takes one drag and lets the smoke out, making you open your mouth in surprise. it's not often you see nuns doing this, “besides, such cheap cigarettes.”

Sister Vidal gets up from the ground and dusts the dirt off the hem of her skirt, after which she reaches into her pocket and throws a pack of thin marlboros at your feet, and your eyebrows rise in even greater surprise.

“I'll be waiting for you in my office after this lesson.”

What's wrong with this woman?

***

It's been months since your parents put you in this cage in the name of God.

You’re sick of this place, but there is one “but”.

Sister Vidal.

The only thing that makes you happy here is Sister Vidal. Her gaze is mesmerizing and you involuntarily start smiling when you see how she looks at you. Sometimes, when she touched you, you shuddered, feeling her clinging cold fingers on you, but you didn’t dare to pull away.

You wanted to prolong this feeling.

“Do you think he sees everything?” It's hard for you to tell if Rio was serious then or if it was a joke, but you just shrugged your shoulders, unable to take your eyes off her.

“I don't know, you're a nun here,” you smile stupidly.

“Right,” Rio shook her head and gave you either a smile or something else before turning away.

You met her several times in the garden or under the stairs after lights out ��� she would then stand quietly next to you and take the cigarette out of your hands, taking a few puffs before trampling it.

Sister Vidal seemed too weird to be a nun, but you personally were fine with it. You even loved it.

You walk quietly down the dark corridor, looking around and listening to every rustle. Your hands all smell of cigarette smoke, and your cheeks are red from the strong wind.

You know that you should be in the room at such a late hour, but you can’t bear to lie and listen to the quiet snuffling of your neighbors.

You stop abruptly when you hear a familiar whisper. You look around and notice how a faint glow is visible from under one of the doors. 

You hesitate, but still take a few careful steps, opening the door to the chapel, noticing such a beloved silhouette - Sister Vidal is sitting on her knees, hands clasped in prayer, and only a couple of candles illuminate the room.

You take a new step, and the door creaks unpleasantly when you close it. Rio immediately opens her eyes and looks over her shoulder. She looks even more thoughtful than usual, and that makes you uneasy.

“It's too late,” you don't immediately realize that she said something. You're too caught up in the way her dark eyes reflect the candle flame.

“I know,” you nod and remain silent for a while, exchanging glances with Sister Vidal, “can I join you?”

In all the months you've been here, you've never really prayed. So what has changed now? Maybe it's Rio?

The woman doesn't answer, just moves a little to the side to make room for you. 

You sit down next to her, but all your thoughts are occupied only by the nun, who has closed her eyes again, and her lips are silently saying a prayer.

“What are you praying for?” 

“For the cleansing of my sins,” you cringe uncomfortably and feel a lump in your throat.

“I didn't know nuns had sins,” your fingers smooth the hem of your skirt and you look down. The room is getting cold.

“Everyone has them,” her voice is quiet and there are shades of sadness in them, “but I can't atone for my sins. They keep coming back, I beg for, but I know they're still in my heart.”

You nod, feeling like you know what she's talking about. There is an unpleasant silence between you and you just look at the candle in front of you, but there is no heat coming from it.

“Are you sure this is a sin?” You look up at her again and notice a sad smile on her lips.

“Have you ever tried to pray?” You frown when she ignores your question, but you don't find the strength to say it. You just shake your head and finally notice a slight smile on her lips, “try it. I will help.”

You feel lost under her gaze, but you don't resist. She gently takes your hands in hers and folds them in prayer. You close your eyes and take a deep breath, trying to remember the words you learned.

O Lord, Jesus Christ, Redeemer and Saviour, forgive my sins.

you feel Rio moving closer to you, and your heart stops when her body touches yours.

Just as You forgave Peter's denial and those who crucified You

Her hands slide down your wrists and to your shoulders, but you don't open your eyes.

Count not my transgressions, but, rather, my tears of repentance

her fingers feel so cold on your chin, and her nails scratch your delicate skin.

Remember not my iniquities, but, more especially, my sorrow for the offenses I have committed against You

Her lips on yours make you shudder.

I long to be true to Your Word, and pray that You will love me and come to make Your dwelling place within me.

you move closer to her, kissing her even deeper.

[impish-baby]

Hey, could I have more HIWTHI content please? Possibly with them finding out reader would write in their journal a lot, possibly hinting towards reader having large amounts of self worth issues, and instead of them leaving because no one notices them, reader left because they feel like a burden?

I’m particularly interested in Marcus and the twins reacting.

Also, please make sure to take care of yourself. I love all of your writing, but no one will ever blame you for taking a break. Also, please stay hydrated.

-🌙

👀 close to something that would happen canonically actually!!

HIWTHI cast's reaction to reader's journal

(Trigger warnings: reader's struggles with self worth, mentioned/referenced suicide)

Marcus feels like a complete and utter failure as a father. No matter how cold or stern he is with his children, he does love all of them with everything in him. So the fact that you feel like a burden? That you felt like a waste of space in your own home? He hangs his head in shame.

Doesn't even bother with asking why you didn't speak up, he's well aware that this is his own shortcoming. It's his fault, that's the simple truth of the matter.

Once you are back home, you're required to start therapy. He'll even let you do in person instead of online if you promise to actually give it a shot, Marcus legitimately wants (needs) you to get better. He has no delusions of their being an overnight change, and so he tries to go at your pace.

There's lots of long conversations, firm reminders that you are loved and of value no matter what. Especially at night, he'll sit at the end of your bed and tell you how much you mean to him. He'd go on until he's blue in the face if that's what it takes for you to believe his words.

Clara refuses to believe what she's read for a long while. She knows it's real, she has the proof held in her hands. Just... her child, her baby, was struggling with almost the same thing she was. And she didn't know. She didn't know and now they're gone.

If she wasn't worried about reader before, she's actually terrified now. The worst outcome is going through her mind, because really, what was stopping you from doing something dangerous? Clara is constantly eyeing the news, fear eating her alive.

The next time she sees you, you're getting the tightest hug. The woman sobbing into your shoulder, thanking whatever higher being that her baby is safe.

You aren't allowed to have sharp objects, unportioned medication, or anything that could be used to harm one's self anymore. Clara doesn't care, she's not leaving a chance. She knows what it's like being in that state of mind. She'll be dammed if she doesn't start acting like a mother should and protecting her child.

Jack is bawling his eyes out right away. The pen ink in your diary smudging as his tears hit the paper. You...oh god..

He feels like the shitiest person on earth, he doesn't deserve to call himself an older brother. He knew Jaiden had his struggles, and now this..

He pockets the journal. Jack reads it as some form of punishment. You suffered with this, he'll suffer with it too. When you're back home, he's trying his best to include you in everything.

Movie nights, board games, he comes up with anything and everything so you can spend time together. See? He has fun with you, he likes hanging out with you, you aren't a burden..

Theo feels bitter, resentful. At your parents, at themselves, at the fact that you felt that way. His resolve to find you becomes ten times stronger, there isn't a single doubt in their mind that you need to come home.

Much like Marcus, they'll affirm how much you're loved and wanted any chance they get. Theo cages you in their arms and mumbles praises for what feels like forever. They'll even go into morbid detail about how everyone fell apart while you were gone just to prove how needed you are.

Jaiden is tempted to rip the pages out. He goes through a rollercoaster of emotions.

At first, he's pissed. That you didn't say anything, that you didn't do anything to get help, that you just sat there and felt fucking miserable for years-

He's ashamed. Deeply, deeply ashamed.

It feels.. awkward between you. Jaiden stares constantly, like he's never seen you before. When he finally breaks down sobbing, he's willing to beg at your feet if you'd forgive him for being such a horrible big brother

[hogwartslegacyreactions2]

Hey, I'm pretty sure that this was asked before, but I can't find the post.

What if MC died in the repository instead of professor Fig?

(I'm sorry, but I'm in an angsty mood)

I love your posts, and thanks

A/N: I do have vague recollection of answering a similar prompt once upon a time, but nothing wrong with a reprisal!

HLC REACT TO MC DYING IN THE REPOSITORY

WARNING: angst, death, grief

Dark ancient magic flew violently through the air around MC. The whirlwind of human agony consumed them as they released silver blue light from their wand. The magic thrashed and roared as MC expelled more and more effort to contain the chaos. Cracks started to form along the length of their wand.

Time slowed for them. MC could see Fig's silhouette just beyond the veil. The hundreds of young souls above them weighed heavy on their conscience. If they can't do this, everyone will die. They had to use all of it.

MC closed their eyes and whispered their goodbye. A light even brighter than the one from their wand emerged from their chest. The ancient magic within them burst forth with the fury of dragonfire. The silver light merged with the darkness, and as quickly as it had appeared, the magic vanished.

MC was gone. Their broken wand was all that remained.

SEBASTIAN SALLOW: He has officially lost everything. After losing his uncle, Anne, Ominis, and MC all at once, he's cracking. They can't be gone. Not them. They were too powerful to just vanish. He just has to find them. Yes. That's what he needs to do. He leaves Hogwarts. He MUST find them. Then Anne will see. Then Ominis will know. What he did was worth it.

OMINIS GAUNT: He rarely speaks anymore. The silence in his life has become so oppressive it took his own voice. The good life he thought he had was nice while it lasted, but now it's all come apart. It's only a matter of time before he loses Anne too, and when that happens...he doesn't know what he's going to do with himself.

ANNE SALLOW: She doesn't know how to feel about MC's death. On the one hand, they were trying to be a good friend to her and her brother but on the other...they also enabled Sebastian in his treachery. She's so very tired of the pain. She just wants to go to sleep.

IMELDA REYES: Well, damn. Mc was the closest thing to a friend she had in years. Someone competitive but friendly and fun to have around. They could dish out as much sass as she could, and she respected them for it. She cries a little at the end of year feast.

NATSAI ONAI: She should have been there. She could've done something! Why didn't they tell her!? She would've had their back! She....she...she breaks down into sobs so intense, even her mother can't comfort her. Her best friend was dead. Her heart was shattered and it would never be whole again without MC.

GARRETH WEASLEY: What? No. Nonono. Not them. That's impossible. They couldn't be dead. They're too strong to be.... He's in denial all the way until the MC's memorial service at the end of year feast. Then he breaks down. A bit of his fire died with MC.

LEANDER PREWETT: He wasn't super close to them, but he was still quite fond of them. They were a real friend. He hopes they're at peace and raises a goblet in their honor.

AMIT THAKKAR: He feels cold and numb all at once when he hears the news that MC died in the attack. He'd grown to care about them. He cursed himself for not spending more time with them when they were around.

EVERETT CLOPTON: He and MC didn't talk much outside of flying class but he had liked them. It was a shame he didn't get to know them more. He doesn't feel like eating when the feast is presented.

POPPY SWEETING: She hadn't cried this much since she left her parents. She finally made a friend, and just like that, they were gone. She doesn't know if she could make another friend again if she wanted to. Was she just doomed to lose every human connection she made?

ELEAZAR FIG: He wholeheartedly and inconsolably blames himself. Even if this fate couldn't be avoided, why did they have to die so young? He can't stand to hear the words "ancient" and "magic" in the same sentence at the same time anymore. It sends him into a dissociative trauma spiral.

He finds MC's wand. It's snapped in the middle with bits of wood frayed outward like the very core of the wand exploded. The two pieces are held together by the slightest sliver of wood.

He retires from teaching at Hogwarts. He doesn't trust himself with the care of students anymore. He doesn't trust his own judgment. He's tortured every night by the survivor's guilt taunting him that he should have done more. He should have protected them. He shouldn't have let them go as far as they did. They weren't ready. They couldn't handle the power they were forced to control. It takes everything in him to not attempt to destroy the map room with the portraits of the Keepers. He just leaves.

But every once in a while... On quiet moonless nights.... When he sees MC's wand displayed with Miriam's, he hears a whisper. A quiet breathy whisper that he could swear on his life sounds like MC. He chalks it up to the fact that he could be going mad from grief, but it's still strikes him as strange... If he looked at the wand hard enough... He could swear he sees a blue glow...

[tiredfox64]

Can you write about a female reader that is being bullied by other clan members because she's not considered pretty and doesn't have a nice body and tease her the Smoke would never have feelings for her, so the reader becomes depressed and volunteers to go on a dangerous mission thinking she won't come back only for Tomas to step in and go with her so he can be closer to her?

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder

Prior notes: I’ve been taking some fat naps. It’s not important but y’all know now

Pairing: Tomas x Afab reader

Warnings ‼️: That foundation was 45 dollars put your head up!

Why are they so mean to you? What could you have done to deserve their ire?

You thought the Shirai Ryu would be a more accepting and safe environment. It’s not the clan itself, it’s the people in it. A mix of different people with different personalities. Yet they treat you like an outsider. A freak even. Especially the women.

They saw how you would look at Tomas. Such love and affection in your eyes when you got a glimpse of him. He’s so nice and caring while also being incredibly skilled and strong. How could you not fall for that face? Or even that voice. Hearing his voice made you feel warm every time. When you heard his cute chuckle it made you feel good about whatever you said.

Those nasty girls put you down the moment they realized you liked Tomas. First it was your face. Somehow they would see acne scars that, according to them, made you look messed up. They weren’t even that bad, barely noticeable. But after that you noticed them much more. Freckles, moles, dimples, no matter the unique feature on your face they would say it looked unnatural and ask ‘who were you trying to fool’.

Their comments about your body were the worst. It fluctuated between people. Some said you look like you were starving yourself. Some said you look like you were eating for the whole clan. They treated body hair as if it were unnatural as well. There was nothing to be happy about when it came to a happy trail according to them. And stretch marks? Apparently nobody has those. Not on their chest, their stomach, or their thighs. What a lie. A bunch of lying, hypocritical bitches.

What hurt the most was when they told you that Tomas would never like you. That all those conversations where you two would laugh were all smoke and mirrors. He was only doing it to keep the peace and not seem like the bad guy for rejecting the loser of the clan. He would only find them attractive because they were better. Better looking, better skilled, better overall. You are just the background character getting in the way of what was supposed to happen. The background character doesn’t get with the hot guy.

You were hurt, you won’t deny that. You always thought you were beautiful no matter what. But they all made you think you were ugly, a beast. You didn’t actually have a chance with Tomas. You were just bothering him this whole time.

So you pulled away from him, avoiding any sort of contact with him. You even tried your best not to be seen by him. That depression hit hard for you. You felt so alone and isolated from everyone else. There was no other home to go back to. You’re stuck in this hell hole. A hell hole where you won’t find love and you will be shamed for anything and everything about you.

There is only one way to leave and that’s to take the dangerous mission. The mission that no one wants to take because they fear they will never return. That’s what you want. If you’re going to leave you rather leave by the way of death. Death by choice, leave with honor.

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

You were wrong. Everybody was wrong. No one had the right to assume Tomas’ feelings and desires.

He was disappointed that he wasn’t seeing you much anymore. It felt you just got up and disappeared. He couldn’t even get a glimpse of you anywhere. Not even during training or walking around the temple. When he would ask other clan members some would agree that they haven’t seen you either or some said they just saw you but only for a moment. He got really suspicious when those same girls who were bullying you would wave the topic away as if there were other important matters at hand. Tomas wouldn’t give them the time of day. He would walk off with a pout, sad that he hasn’t heard your sweet voice in so long. Maybe Kuai Liang would know.

When Tomas asked his brother whatever happened to you he told him that nothing happened to you, you’re just preparing for a big mission. Of course he asked what kind of mission. Kuai Liang hesitated, knowing his answer would enrage Tomas. He admitted he was sending you on a high risk mission. A mission that involves you getting close to the Lin Kuei. He was right to think Tomas would explode because he did.

“How could you send her out there?! Do you know how dangerous that is? She could get killed!” Tomas protested.

“She volunteered, I did not force her hand. She was the only one willing to do this.”

Kuai Liang believed you were doing this out of braveness and commitment. You hid your true intentions well. He was clueless to the situation between you and Tomas and how you have been avoiding him. Tomas could sense the bs however. This was not like you. Not that you weren’t brave but who in their right mind would willingly go into something like this on their own. That’s a suicide mission at that point. Tomas couldn’t and wouldn’t let you do that!

“Then I will go with her as well! We can’t send her out there on her own.” He volunteered to go with you.

Kuai Liang was very hesitant. Even just letting you go was a hard choice for him to make. But they needed the info on the Lin Kuei. He will admit it was a wrong choice but it might not be bad if Tomas goes with you as well. He nodded before speaking.

“Go get ready now. She will be leaving soon.”

══💤══╡°˖✧🦊✧˖°╞══💤══

You had all your equipment ready. Your weapons were sharpened and your mind set on something. Try your best to complete the mission. And if things fail and you are on death’s door, accept it. Either way you will leave or come back with honor. You took a deep breath and with a big step you-

“You’re not going by yourself.” You heard Tomas’ voice.

He grabbed onto your hand to prevent you from going. He pulled you back so you were right next to him. You were shocked to see him here. You didn’t understand why he was stopping you. He looked like he was preparing for a mission too. Before you could ask what he was doing he spoke up again.

“Why would you think it was a good idea to go alone? I know you’re brave but this is way too risky to do by yourself. You should have asked me to come,” he sighed before looking forward, “Well, we are already prepared. We should get a move on.”

This was shocking to you. Not only did Tomas willingly find you but now he was holding onto your hand. He held it tight like he was worried you would run off and leave his side.

He was. You were running away from him all this time he can’t let you go. He’s been wanting to talk to you for so long. Get close to you and find some sort of excuse to touch you. But you’ve not just been avoiding him, but everyone in general, like they were the plague. He doesn’t even care if he gets an explanation he just wants to talk to you again.

“You look very pretty today. I mean you look pretty every day but I thought you should know you look pretty, heh.” Tomas struggled a little but he hoped you got the point.

You didn’t, not because you were ignorant or missing signs you just didn’t believe him. Those girls really messed with your head and made you think everything he says to you is a lie. He sounded convincing yet your mind just wouldn’t accept it. You were afraid of being hurt even more. If you did die you don’t want to die with anymore of a broken heart.

Tomas’ heart aches when he didn’t get a response from you. You even turned your head away from him. He almost thought he was bothering you. He would have let your hand go but he was more afraid of losing you than bothering you. So he kept holding on and trying to talk to you.

“Did you sharpen your weapons? You do it so good. I might need you to sharpen my karambit if you don’t mind.”

Still nothing from you. You were hurting more than you were before. You wanted to talk but your mind was at war with your heart. You held your tears in but they threatened to burst out of you.

Tomas saw right through you. He saw that you are struggling but with what he doesn’t know. You’re more reclusive. Even your clothes spoke that. You looked like you were trying to hide your body more and even your face. You never wore a mask before. Why were you hiding all that beauty from him?

“I’ve missed talking to you. It was nice to have a break in my day where I could talk to someone about anything other than the clan. I’m sorry if I did something to scare you away. I don’t like doing that to people I care about.” He spoke softly to you as if to make you understand how much he cares.

You couldn’t. You just couldn’t.

Your heart was hurting and so was his. He just wants to be close with you again. If this is all he can get for now so be it. He wishes it was more, much more than this. You wished you could believe him again. See him as a man who could love you. You wished you could look at yourself and love who you are. You do and you hate that you let those pricks alter your belief.

In moments of weakness like this it gives others the perfect opportunity to strike. And that they did. As your two were having this mission to gain more info on the Lin Kuei, they too had orders to gain more info on the Shirai Ryu. There were more of them and they ambushed you both.

Tomas let go of your hand and took out his karambit to defend you both. This was a shock to your system and you took too long to get your kunai out. You defended yourself to the best of your abilities. Kicking and striking whenever you could. It wasn’t enough and they knocked you down. In that moment you realized that you didn’t want to die. You couldn’t tell if you didn’t want to die in an ambush or didn’t want to die in general. You were horrified and your eyes expressed that greatly to the assassins. You put your arms up to defend yourself one more time.

All you heard after was Tomas yelling ‘no’ before seeing a bunch of smoke burst in front of you. A bunch of slashing and grunts could be heard but you couldn’t see anything. When the smoke cleared all you saw was Tomas standing in front of you with all the assassins dead on the ground. There was about ten of them and he took them down in seconds. He helped you up before holding your face to check for any injuries.

“Oh god, are you hurt? Did they injure you in any way. Are you okay?” He asked as he pulled your mask down so you could breathe better.

He asked if you were okay. You knew he meant physically but you needed to hear it mentally. Those tears that have been building up this whole time slipped out slowly. He realized that there was more to this than he had imagined. He brought you into a tight hug as one of his hands went into your hair and the other rubbed your back. He whispered to you that it will all be okay and that he doesn’t want you being alone in this.

You missed him so much. You missed his touch even if it was minimal before. You can’t stand being away from him again. It doesn’t matter what those girls say you have as much right to be with him as anyone else does. No matter what you actually are you know you love him. You don’t want to die anymore. It won’t help your soul. He doesn’t want you dying either. He missed you. He needs you. You’re so special to him not even for your beauty but your personality. He would never want a girl who would drive someone to their death. That’s dishonorable and cruel.

“Come on, let’s go back. I don’t want you getting hurt anymore.” He whispered as he took your hands again.

Before you could protest by saying the mission won’t be fulfilled an opportunity opened. There was one Lin Kuei assassin left alive. Tomas was about to end his life before he begged for mercy. He said he will tell them everything but just let him live. Looks like you two didn’t have to go far for this solution.

Tomas dragged the assassin back while keeping you close. When you two returned Tomas gave the captured assassin over to Kuai Liang. He was surprised but was happy that no one got hurt in the end. And seeing that the person was willing to talk that means the mission was accomplished. He thanks you both and told you both to rest up.

Never once did Tomas let go of your hand. He wanted you close and safe even if you guys were back in the temple. Even if you don’t tell him immediately what was wrong before he was glad that some progress was made. You were looking at him again with that softness he loves.

“Let’s get you comfortable, alright? Then after that we could talk just like we used to.” He said as he walked you to your room.

You nodded and for once in a while you smiled again. You felt that warmth in your body. Whatever those girls said before was a lie. You can see that for yourself. Everything they said was a lie.

The truth is that you love Tomas and he loves you. There is nothing fake about this. And there will never be even if those jealous idiots try to say otherwise.

You are beautiful and loved. Don’t forget that.

After notes: 🍊…🦊 WHY IS MY BOLD AND BRASH PAINTING ON THE FLOOR? WHO WAS BOUNCING OFF THESE WALLS? ARE YOU EATING MY WORK AGAIN? I think I’ve manifested foxes in my town. They don’t come here and they shouldn’t. Next thing ya know the deers and vultures will come back. I don’t want to square up with a hawk again…I never did that. Adiós!

[redrandomposts]

another au idea floating in my head

AU where ivan time travels back to pre-meteor shower after his death. he now definitely knows that till would never pick him over mizi so with all the knowledge he gained from the past life, he manages to pull a miracle and get all four of them out of anakt garden safely. mizi was definitely hard to convince so ivan had to, um, kindly shatter her innocent worldview and now both sua and till hate him for making mizi sad lmao but that's fine, they're getting out of there. what's two more people ending up hating him, honestly ?

and by some other miracle, the children were found by human rebels. they're taken in, clothed, fed, and are now essentially free from the aliens.

ivan sees this as his job being done and starts to slowly drift away from the other three. now that theyre free and not being prepped like lambs for slaughter, he doesn't have anything to offer them anymore. what other use could they have for him, really ? so he just floats around the human base, distracting himself by making himself as useful as possible to the other humans

(the other humans are just incredibly worried about this blank-eyed kid who looks like he wants to be hugged so fucking bad but also like he would crumble into dust the moment someone touched him, but ivan's a stubborn bastard who wont listen to anybody so they give him easy tasks in order to keep an eye on him)

the adults take notice of the now strained dynamics between ivan, sua, and till and how mizi is caught in the middle and try to help the kids sort through their feelings.

idk maybe sua wont give a fuck since all she cares abt is mizi but mizi would definitely want to repair the broken bridges bc these are her friends :( and ivan has definitely risked a lot to bring them to safety, hasnt he ? it's unfair how sua and till were being mean to him all because he made mizi cry.

but then there's till. would he try to make amends for mizi's sake ? or would he look even further away from ivan out of guilt ? who knows.

(and imagine the other three start to get memories of their past life through flashbacks and dreams later on lmao)

— 🌦️

me: ooh! a concept! what would u like me to do with this?

🌦️: ideas!!

me: here's your half-a-fanfiction that will make you shed tears!

i have no idea how it happened, by the way. it just did.

===

the escape is rocky at best—ivan was just barely able to get till up in time last time. the only thing keeping this from falling apart is probably of his past experience and fantasies that never came to fruition.

before till or sua, he'd get mizi first, except she has the most security around her; her owner treated her as a precious princess, after all. he's forced to get till then sua (who posed quite a problem, too), and have them both witness his struggle in getting mizi to come along. sua would be a massive help in persuasion, maybe even till, but ivan had uet to disable the chips in those two that set off alarms whenever a certain place was breached. it'd be more efficient if all three of them were gathered while he turned those off.

it's no surprise the animosity that comes from both of them as he rips off the bandage that had been blinding mizi, losing her oh-so-precious smile in favor of tears. sua whisper yelled at him, beating him down for daring to make mizi cry and why were they doing this anyway? till joined in, too, and ivan was barely able to divert the guard's attention.

they do manage to leave successfully, though. it's nothing short of a miracle—sua and till's glares digging into his back, mizi's muffled sobs barely getting by security... it takes a few hours longer than the last life, too.

that's a shame. ivan would have liked to see the meteor shower again.

running across the fields, it's ivan who sees them first. he has to he diligent; he's the leader, the one in front, he's the oldest, and the other two are focused on mizi and her tears.

human rebels. ivan knew they existed, but he's never seen them in his past life. they are driving in motorcycles down the dusty road. he calls out to them, eyes wide and hopefully projecting an innocence he's lost before he went to anakt garden.

would this have been an opportunity he and till would have had in that life?

===

before, ivan would have assumed that till and sua would ease up on their fervent hate of him. tears weren't especially special, considering the life they had led—that ivan had led. while no one had cried for him, he knew that they cried for others, and an awful lot at that too.

a month later, as sua purposefully took the last sweet treat on the tray, glaring at him, all he could think was hypocrite. sua had made mizi cry the hardest, and would have had he not pulled them out so soon.

and when till screamed and beat him down whenever ivan tried to get near him or dares to talk to him, sparing no mercy as he expended his entire vocabulary on ivan, ivan... wished he could say he didn't care too much.

ivan looks at the adults and wonders how they thought of the messy situation. witnessing how the two children bullied the one they assumed was the leader, in defense of someone who didn't really need nor want it. watching how they guarded one from another, effectively isolating him. noticing how they took the happiness the rebels had tried so hard to make and provide from him.

ivan doesn't know, nor does he want to know, but everytime he sees a sweet pastry on his bed—well, it's impossible not to make a conjecture.

the adults have tried to meddle. in fact, mizi—their sun, their light of their life, their god—had tried to meddle. it's fruitless, though; till nor sua will let ivan get a word in, even if the adults are there, and they're thoroughly convinced ivan had managed to manipulate mizi into intervening.

ivan stopped in front of a cracked open door when he heard shouting. he and the others had split rooms, leaving him alone in the smaller one. "guys, ivan isn't that bad! he got all of us out, that day, he must've been stressed too!"

"he couldn't have done it nicer?" sua grumbled.

"he doesn't know how to be nice," till countered, equally upset. "ivan's no good news, mizi. it's better if you stay away. he might—he might steal your things and beat you up."

"glad we can agree on one thing."

"that's ridiculous! you're ridiculous! it's just a bit of tears, it doesn't mean a lot, guys!"

"you never cried before," sua pointed out, eyes narrowed. "stop defending him, mizi. ivan doesn't deserve it."

===

ivan stands alone in the field, looking at the night sky and trying to conjure the lyrics he had written so long ago. it's been a few years since the escape, and on the anniversary each year he'd go to see if there's a meteor shower and sing the songs that marked death.

at the age of ten, they'd manage to escape anakt garden; all four of them. at fifteen, ivan finds that he's forgotten both songs he'd sung on stage for aliens to listen and for till to hear. it's not that big a problem, except he can't recall what sua would look like on the day of her death, either, nor what dress mizi wore when she disappeared, nor how till looked when he sang that song for mizi.

maybe it'd be easier to imagine if they let him near then in this life. instead, in the five years he's been here, it's mostly ivan doing odd jobs alone around the base when he can. he lessens the work on till and sua and mizi by taking it upon himself to do it first. the rest of them don't say anything about it anymore.

not too far away, in his own room, till shoots out of bed, forehead dripping sweat. his eyes are wide, brain working overtime, yet he can only catch fleeting parts of his nightmare—a missing poster.

===

ivan is twenty, ten years since their escape, and nearly every memory from his first life erased. he desperately grasps onto a meteor shower, one that he missed in this life, but he's not an artist who can immortalize the scene. he wishes he could, he does, and as he stands outside, his last memory leaves him.

ivan's long stopped trying to grasp at the melody of black sorrow or the lyrics of cure, so he's silent as he looks up.

ivan doesn't go back to the base. he can't stand another round of shots in the heart, not when he lost his final memory. he doesn't know where he will go, but it's not here.

on earth, he'd officially be an adult. today, he feels as though he's a little child who lost his parents forever.

=====

OH MY GOD I MIGHT CRY WHAT THE HELL

what devil possessed me

FUCK IM CRYING

sua starts the whole "ivan doesn't deserve it" and till follows her lead. crowd mentality, ig, till has some doubts but mizi holds a higher place in his heart.

the adults don't get too close, because ivan doesn't let them, but they do remind him that he has a place in the base. candies, pastries, clothes, and toys are left in his room by them when they notice he's particularly feeling down. it's concerning how much this occurs.

ivan starts to lose his memories because he largest wish—give till freedom—has been completed. meanwhile, a deeper and more silent wish to be loved causes the other three to regain their memories. unfortunately, ivan runs away before that one comes true.

ivan says he feels like a child when he loses that last memory — that's because he never grew up after going back in time. his maturity came from the memories, and without them he is a lost child.

on the last night, till's last memory he gained is actually r6, when ivan dies for him. he gets up immediately to find him, except he's nowhere to be found.

perhaps in a sequel till goes to find ivan and they make up—or, perhaps in a sequel ivan is found dead or captured.

scrapped scene:

"ivan, you're the reason they managed to escape, right?"

"yes..."

"what would you change? if you had to escape again?"

"i'd want to see the meteor shower. we missed it because it took too long to get out of the garden."

"i see. how'd you know about the meteor shower?"

"...hyuna told me."

[sheepheadfred]

Ectoberhaunt Day 16: Bloom

Summary: Jack and Maddie Fenton have been growing a special flower in secret for months, finally its buds are ready to bloom! But why is Danny becoming more avoidant than usual?

Ao3 link

At long last!

This rare flower, thought to be extinct, is finally blooming after all their hard work gardening. Well, mainly her hard work. Maddie took care of the more delicate and meticulous side of things. Jack tries but they both know he's not good at that sort of stuff. She can be hyper focused on the minute details but Jack gets bored easily if its not something he can freely do and has little patience for botany despite his best efforts.

A flower long thought to be gone for good grown right here in the lab. Sure they had to make a special enclosure for it but they didn't want ghosts or the kids with their rebellious, 'pro ghosts' phase, to mess with it before it could be ready to flower.

Heck, they were unaware it existed until one day when they were going through old Fenton Family Photos- the way Jack says it implies it is all capitalized- where they found notes by a witch hunting ancestors buried at the bottom mentioning how they were used to trap spirits and keep them from helping their witch masters.

It is said they are a great danger to the supernatural but completely safe, even delicious, for human consumption.

If enough bloom, they can use it in more anti ghost defenses if the stories prove true. Might even make a new weapon to capture a specimen if they get that far. The possibilities are endless!

While the kids were at school, they put it to the test. All throughout the house the blossomed flowers were arranged in every room. Red blooms decorate the walls and windowsills and other various surfaces connected by their black stems twisting around each other. Unassuming to those not in the know. Just a beautiful decoration to most.

And who else would even know about them? Not many for sure.

No ghost can leave the zone from their portal when the house has these flowers! If they come, they'll be trapped in the lab!

She's making a snack for her and Jack for the taste test, too!

Well, that and that she has been at this all day and does need a snack. You can't study and fight ghosts on an empty stomach after all!

Jack is in the basement lab working on a new weapon incorporating these plants.

The kids will never be safer here at home!

There haven't been any ghost attacks all day.

None of the ghost alerts they had set up around town have acted up. Sure, those only register ghosts above a certain threshold to compensate for the ectoplasmic background radiation the town is soaked in and that no good Phantom can seemingly hide in plain sight, but this has to mean it works on some level!

Anything coming through their portal will be trapped in the lab even when they're not home!

Oh, this is fantastic!

The kids will be happy that those spooks wont get in the way anymore. They should be, anyway. She can never really read them anymore, especially Danny. A shame, they used to be so close, too.

Speaking of the kids, it's about time for them to come home about now. Or it used to be before they both got so busy. Well, Jazz at least tries to be around them and return her bags before going back out or locking herself in her room to study.

Danny, though, keeps skipping school and ignoring curfew. When he doesn't skip, he has detention! That boy and his poor priorities. Why can't he be more like his sister? At least this way he will have more time to devote to his studies for once with his school getting attacked less!

"Mom! I'm home!" her eldest announces once she walks into the door. Dutiful and making sure they know shes home. What a good daughter!

Maddie, who was working on the Fenton Finder again, as its glitches keep detecting Danny, makes her way out of the kitchen to greet her oldest child.

"Hey, sweetie! How was school today? It's quite late, did you get some studying done or was it tutoring?" She couldn't help but gush.

Maddie is sure Jack would be asking the same, albeit with more arm pulling and back breaking hugs. She loves that man but he really doesn't know his own strength most of the time. Or keep it in check. There is a time and a place for it, after all.

"Things went fine, mom. What's with all the flowers, though? Didn't take you one for home decor."

There she goes, always questioning stuff. Such a strong, scientific mind.

Not that Danny doesn't but he tends to not want to use it. From what she has simply observed and all.

If something was truly wrong, then he would tell them. Right?

"Oh, just trying something new. Do you like it?"

"Um, yeah. I guess? But, why so many? And... you put these in every room?"

"Can never have too many flowers! These are a rare breed after all. They have special cleansing properties to ward off ghosts!" Maddie is excited to share this good news! They don't have to worry about one of those nasty ghosties waking them up anymore!, "And don't you worry about your rooms! Jack and I still remember your lectures on 'privacy' and 'personal space'. I just left a vase full in both yours and your brother's room, nothing too obstructive, on your windowsills."

"Uh huh. How did you find out about these flowers? What are they called, anyway?"

"Blood blossoms! We found an old journal from one of Jack's ancestors, Jack Fenton-Nightingale that held fascinating records we couldn't wait to see if they worked. I'm so glad you asked! You're welcome to join us if you want, sweetie."

Jazz looked more unnerved than enthused, but she's always busy with her own passions rather than wanting to focus on theirs, much to their chagrin.

"That's great, mom!," Jazz's enthusiasm sounds strained, "I'll let Danny know about the new floral arrangements before he gets home. I need to go study, they gave us a lot of homework today and I spent all afternoon torturing. Call me when it's time for dinner." And she is rushing out, clearly done with this conversation.

For some reason, it stings Maddie's heart at how flighty and avoidant her kids are. She knows they are at that age but it hurts her to feel them drifting.

"Wait," Maddie stops her daughter before she could leave, "before you hole yourself up. Where is Danny? Do you know? He usually tells you nowadays. I just... really do hope this helps him."

"He's with his friends like usual, mom. They have a project coming up and he might be staying over with them tonight. How do you think these flowers will help him?"

Jazz is fishing for information but Maddie can't bring herself to care. She desperately needs to share this worry with someone else. She has Jack, but sometimes he doesn't get it in a way that she needs and her social circle is depressingly small. A sacrifice she was willing to make for her studies and passion even if it's lonely.

"Your brother," Maddie begins, hoping the explanation will be able to let her oldest know her worries for her baby boy, "is always so frightened and runs away whenever ghosts attack. He can't even handle a conversation about them. I'm hoping that these ghost warding flowers will give him some peace of mind. Make it easier to sleep and study and catch up on school stuff. Where his priorities need to be if he wants to do well for himself. I know he has done well when given the chance. A mother worries, after all."

Jazz gave her a thoughtful, pensive look, like shes warring with herself, before settling on a sad, small smile.

"I get it. I'll make sure to let him know about the Blood Blossoms so he won't be caught off guard at the sudden change."

"Thank you for understanding, dear."

"Who knows, maybe Sam might think it's cool. She does have an interest in nature and preserving rare species."

It's obvious that she's trying to change the subject delicately and Maddie appreciates her thoughtfulness and more than willing to change it herself.

"That is a wonderful idea! I will have to bring that up next time I see her."

Maddie's joy at such a suggestion made her almost miss her daughters face fall, when she thought her mom wasn't looking. Such a sad, fragile smile as she made her way to her room.

I can feel the gap between us widening, but I'm unsure why or how to fix it.

It's been days and Danny still hasn't come home, not even to say 'Hi.'. Always at a friend's place for one reason or another. Maddie has grown increasingly worried. Sure, sometimes he skips curfew and sometimes he's not in his room at night, but outright avoidance is unlike him!

And she knows he didn't just up and leave. He still goes to school and is seen around town. Just never comes around here anymore.

What did they do to make him outright shun them? Shun her?

It wasn't until he did finally come home and stay the night that she saw something.

He's always been a bit withdrawn, more so since the portal activated, but this was a whole new level.

He was pale and shaking for at least an hour of him being home and out of his room. He avoided any food with the black stemmed rose-like buds, claiming to not be hungry when he hasn't left his room all day. He just smiled shakily that night, pretending nothing was wrong and claiming to just be tired. But his head drooped when he thought Jack and Maddie weren't looking. The bags under his eyes were more pronounced and he seemed to get worse the longer the night dragged.

Danny seemed nervous and on edge like something would come out to attack him. Which is silly, with our new defenses no ghost has left through our portal since they made these changes.

But, for some reason, he's more hesitant and distant from us. Like he expects us to hurt him.

Ridiculous.

I miss my baby boy. We used to be so close. I thought this would help him but it seems to have driven him further from me. I don't know what I did wrong.

[allfortzu]

our love is a ghost

-- sana / tzuyu. 2.3k - angst, unhappy ending. tiniest bit of smut // MEN DNI

tzuyu still looks like someone sana could fall in love with.

when sana woke up without tzuyu by her side, she did not cry. 

while she was asleep, tzuyu took everything that was hers and left everything that they shared, just like she'd promised. 

it would be easier for her to leave without sana seeing, sana had told her the day before, so she followed sana's words to a fault.

perhaps sana wasn't taking it as seriously then — tzuyu was still kissing her and loving her, and holding her until she fell asleep. perhaps sana had thought tzuyu would still come home. 

so when sana woke up without tzuyu by her side, she did not cry. 

//

sana sees tzuyu again at a party after a year of trying to forget her.

sana doesn't try to hide it. she doesn't stop staring at tzuyu over the rim of her solo cup, doesn't stop letting it simmer. 

whenever tzuyu glances over, sana knows she is ignored, not unnoticed. 

tzuyu hasn't changed. she still has a dimple in her left cheek and a tiny tug in her upper lip when she grins. sana recognises her laugh. her hair is darker, shorter; a style sana has always liked but never got a chance to experience until now. she still pretends she doesn't see sana like sana sees her. she still looks like someone sana could fall in love with. 

sana only breaks out of her thoughts when people start cheering. she shifts her attention to the bottle on the floor, glass neck pointed towards her. 

tzuyu doesn't cheer as loudly, which only entices sana more. what game were they playing, anyway? 

“have fun in there!” nayeon drawls. 

right, seven minutes in heaven. 

beside her, dahyun stands up. her feet shift as she waits for sana, patient and polite, and after the nth wolf whistle from chaeyoung, sana finally understands. she stands up, and tzuyu's eyes follow her for once.

sana puts on a charming smile and takes dahyun's hand. “let's go have fun.” 

the closet nayeon has allocated for their little rendezvous is less than appealing, barely exciting. it's her storage closet, and the only spot big enough to fit two people is the one next to the vacuum cleaner. sana wonders for a second how nayeon and mina did anything in here, then remembers how touchy they can get when drunk (nayeon, namely) and decides not to think about it anymore. 

dahyun is frozen in place even as sana tugs her down to sit. there's just enough space for them to face each other, though they have to fold their legs. 

“we don't have to do anything, you know?” sana says, tilting her head sideways for reassurance. “it's a game for drunk people and we're not drunk.” 

dahyun visibly lets herself breathe again. “thank god.” sana doesn't know if she should be flattered or not. “not that i don't want to kiss you, but you're dating tzuyu, so.” 

ah, definitely not flattered. but she can't put her tongue on what else she feels either. bitter, maybe. dahyun was the only one who knew, anyway, since tzuyu never had the guts to tell anyone else. 

that, sana was sure, was shame. 

“oh,” sana says. “we’re not…” her stomach churns at the thought. she's never had to say it out loud before, so the reality of it weighs ever more heavily when she does. “we’re not dating anymore.” 

“oh,” dahyun echoes. she visibly stops breathing again. sana laughs so it stings less. “sorry.” 

“don't be,” sana says. “it would've happened sooner or later.”

“can i ask what happened?” 

sana debates telling dahyun everything, but decides against it for tzuyu’s sake. she was bitter, not cruel. but she is spiteful enough to spit, “i don't know, but if you ask tzuyu, she’ll tell you nothing happened.” 

dahyun stays quiet after that, never one to push. she's very much like tzuyu in that sense — always cautious, deeply careful with her words, but respecting silence all the same. 

dahyun reminds sana of tzuyu a lot. maybe she doesn't have the same dimples or laugh, but her grin is just as bright and hair just as dark, and if sana closes her eyes and tries, it could almost feel like she's talking to tzuyu again. 

once sana runs out of things to distract herself with in the storeroom, she hefts herself up. 

“i think it's been seven minutes,” she announces. she offers dahyun a hand, one that is gladly accepted, then presses a kiss to dahyun's cheek — only long enough for her lipstick to leave a mark. “just in case they push us back in here for not doing it properly.” 

dahyun's cheeks heat to a bright red immediately and sana thinks she's terribly cute for it. if she didn't seem so repulsed by the idea of kissing a friend in a closet, and if sana did actually feel like getting laid tonight, she probably would've kissed her properly. too bad.

at the sight of dahyun's flushed face, their group cheers. 

sana is only looking at tzuyu, though, and when dahyun flashes the stain sana left above her jaw, she expects something, anything — but tzuyu hoots and hollers along like a friend would so sana looks away. 

the rest of their game is less exciting than its name. if heaven is taking shots for seven minutes as they wait for the next pair to be done with whatever they decide to do in that dusty closet, hell must truly be torture. 

it eventually — thankfully — comes to a close when nayeon inevitably passes out on mina's lap, and everyone else is drunk enough to settle down on whatever soft surface they can find to take a nap: nayeon’s room, momo's room, kookeu's bed, even. 

anyone who is still somewhat sober gets the unfortunate job of cleaning up the mess of soju bottles and takeout boxes strewn about the living room, so sana escapes to the balcony. 

she lights a cigarette and takes a deep breath before taking the butt between her lips. she's three draws in before the door behind her slides open, then closes again. 

“sana.” 

sana stubs out her cigarette once she hears the voice.  

force of habit, as much as she hates. 

“you're smoking?” 

tzuyu joins her by the railing. sana wants to make a beeline for the door, wants to run away, wants to gauge her eyes out before she has to see tzuyu this close to her again. 

“no,” she manages. “only when i've drunk.” 

“that's still smoking.” 

sana snaps. “so what?” 

“… sorry.” 

the heat and smoke from the cigarette has dissipated but sana's head is still hot. “what are you doing here, tzu?” 

sana realises she might have a few unresolved matters knawing at her heart when the name slips out. she clenches her jaw, bites her tongue, and pushes past it. 

“we haven't spoken in a while.” 

sana shrugs the chilliness from her shoulders. “what is there to talk about?” 

“i know we're not together anymore, but i still miss talking to you, you know?” 

sana wants to laugh — sana wishes she could laugh. sana wishes she could turn around and pretend she doesn't see tzuyu the way she does. 

“okay. what do you want to talk about?” 

for the first time that day, tzuyu is honest. “did you… are you and dahyun a thing now?” rips the bandage right off, really. it stings disgustingly. 

sana bows her head and throws her half-smoked cigarette off the balcony. she glances over. tzuyu is already looking at her. 

“what, are you jealous?” 

“no. i was just…” tzuyu trails off. sana recognises the way her brows furrow slightly, remembers how it only took her two weeks to notice it was simply what tzuyu looked like when she was trying to find her words. “i was just hoping that you had moved on.” 

from here, sana is reminded of how genuine tzuyu is; how unknowingly cruel tzuyu is. how she dreads it. 

she grabs tzuyu by the collar of her t-shirt, rough enough to startle herself with it even, but she goes through with the motion until tzuyu is dragged low enough to face sana at her height, mouth agape. 

“you can't fucking say that,” sana spits, but then her breath catches suddenly. “you can't say that… like you have any right to care, or that you think i'd want you to care!” 

tzuyu doesn't try to loosen her grip. she holds on to sana's wrist, and she — she listens. she looks at sana, she looks at sana like she does care. she hasn't changed at all, she's still the same person sana fell in love with, so sana cries. 

“i haven't moved on, tzuyu,” she sobs out, chest tightening until she's begging for breath, until her ribs seem to shatter and every broken piece pierces and punctures and pelts. “because — because you promised —” and the tears that she didn't know were welling up are starting to spill now, and she thinks its pathetic; it's so pathetic that she's here and that she's crying and that she's talking and that it only took one sentence from tzuyu. she wants tzuyu to talk, too. “you know what you promised.” 

then she lets go. she snatches her hand back and she crouches down before she digs her face into her palms. she hopes tzuyu leaves. 

she knows if she looks up, tzuyu will be crying too. and she knows tzuyu won't leave. 

“sorry,” she hears her whisper. 

she feels her kneeling down too, and she wonders where tzuyu gets the courage to put her hands on her wrists again, prying gently, but only because sana lets her. 

her next words come slowly, carefully, in the voice sana recognises and loves. 

“you know i still love you.” 

“fuck, tzuyu,” sana croaks. “why are you telling me that?” 

“because i do. but — not in that way, sana. not in the way you want — in the way you deserve, sana.” 

sana wishes tzuyu would shut up. sana wishes tzuyu isn't tzuyu. sana wishes tzuyu doesn't know better, and she wishes tzuyu isn't the same tzuyu who knows they're wasting time and who sana could fall in love with again despite it all. 

“i want you to be happy. and i don't think you would've been happy with me.”

sometimes, it feels like tzuyu knows her terrifyingly well. sometimes, it feels like tzuyu has never known her at all. 

tzuyu still has a dimple in her left cheek and a tiny tug in her upper lip whenever she grins. tzuyu still speaks slowly, carefully, and there was a time when everything she said was law — in sana's eyes, at least. 

right now, on this balcony, happiness is neither here nor there. sana wonders how one person could be everything she loves and hates at once. 

“can you kiss me?” sana asks. to remind herself, maybe, of which is which. 

her eyes burn and her cheeks hurt, but tzuyu is here and she can't bear not knowing her answer. 

tzuyu's brows furrow lightly, so sana takes her temples in her tear stained palms and presses her lips into tzuyu's herself. 

sana closes her fingers into tzuyu's hair, deathly afraid of a pull she knows will soon come. 

all at once, her heart bursts and her lungs collapse in her chest. tzuyu feels the same, tastes the same. she kisses sana just the way sana likes and it's both warming and painful to know that she still remembers. 

sana is still in love, sana is still in love. 

she could say it, she wants to say it, but tzuyu is kissing her, and if sana let's go, she might never get to kiss tzuyu again. 

tzuyu’s cheeks are wet, or maybe just sana’s. 

she kisses tzuyu until tzuyu falls back to the ground; falls back into a rhythm sana can't possibly be more familiar with, one where she's in tzuyu's lap and tzuyu's holding her like a lover would. 

if there's one thing she knows how to do — she knows it the way tzuyu wants it, knows tzuyu perfectly; so perfectly it scares her how she might never know someone else like this again, how she has to forget for the sake of the both of them, or for herself. 

but for now, she remembers, so she brushes her thumb, almost instinctively, definitely knowingly, beneath tzuyu's ear and hears the tell-tale gasp ghosting over her lips, more surpressed than any other time but made nonetheless, felt nonetheless. 

“are you seeing anyone?” there's some sense still left in her. 

“no,” tzuyu bates. “why… are you asking?”  

“i still want you,” shameless, desperate. so pathetic, yet she still says: “is that bad?” 

“i...”

sana has never been above begging, not when it came to tzuyu, really. “it doesn't have to mean anything,” she swallows the lump suffocating her throat and searches tzuyu's eyes. “i just miss you.” 

tzuyu holds her gaze, silent, mulling her next words over. for a second, sana thinks she might miss her too, because she's always known tzuyu perfectly. 

but then tzuyu looks away, and she wipes at wet cheeks stained with tears that aren't her own. 

“i don't… i don't like how you taste after you smoke.” 

sana's fingers slip from their hold. 

tzuyu shifts from under her first and nudges sana off. she does it so gently it's almost cruel. sana lets her. 

“would it matter if i stopped?” 

sana knows the answer. she hasn't picked up a cigarette once since the day she met tzuyu, not until now. 

yet, tzuyu says, “you know it's not about that.” and somehow this breaks sana's heart even more. 

before tzuyu leaves, halfway to the door, sana, from her spot by the railing, tries one last time, “i'm sorry,” to save whatever is left, maybe. “let's forget about this.” 

tzuyu looks back at her, and there are words on her tongue, sana can tell, from the way she purses her lips and hesitates to think thoroughly. then her eyes soften, she smiles her lovely smile, and she says what no one else but the tzuyu sana would fall in love with would say. 

“i would if you could, sana.” 

tzuyu leaves. sana closes her eyes and tries not to cry. 

i am far from satisfied with this, but it had to leave my drafts immediately because i was going mad. angst makes me so so sad, i promise the next fic will be a happy one 🥹 @nr1chaedickrider had been asking for an angsty satzu fic for the longest time, and another anon had been asking for anything satzu since LAST YEAR..,,,, i hope this was somewhat readable,, sorry for the irregular activity lately, i'll try my best to get back into the groove!

of course, thank you for reading, always. this one was hard, definitely not perfect, but you've all been so patient. i hope it was alright!

[marymary-diva17]

Running home to her

Life can be difficult when everything around one self is changing, and sometimes it hard to see what will be coming up next. Life can be even more difficult when it easy to see, others around you are not the supportive as ones wants as the ones who are supportive of them are away.

Jake " lo'ak are you even listening to what I'm saying"

lo'ak " yes sir I'm"

Jake " why can't you do anything right way I'm always hearing from everyone else, all the trouble you have gotten into and along with dragging your siblings as well"

lo'ak " dad they started it I did nothing wrong"

Jake " I don't care you got into the fight with those other boys aonung, being one of them during this gather has brought shame to the family and clan"

lo'ak " ......"

neytiri " lo'ak answer your father when he speaking to you"

lo'ak " yes neytiri"

Jake " she is your mother you will address her as mother or ma'am"

lo'ak " y/n is my mama as well"

Jake " neytiri a far better mother then y/n now I can see why you behave, like this she is to blame for your behavior and actions she always enables you"

lo'ak " no she doesn't sir she listen to me and understands me"

neytiri " you two have never brought pride and joy to our family, always shame and disappointment why can't you be like your brother or sisters"

lo'ak " because I'm my own person ma'am and I will keep being myself"

Jake " you will go apologize to those boys and your brother tomorrow after morning meal, and then you will apologize to their parents as well then the clan for your foolish behavior and then you will have chores to do ... to make up for your mistake once again'

lo'ak " the only one I will say sorry to this neteyam those boys were speaking poorly about mama"

Jake " well whatever they said they might not be wrong"

lo'ak " sir she is your and mother mate"

neytiri " that not important right now"

lo'ak " fine if I don't apologize what will happen"

Jake ' you will leave this house and stay elsewhere"

lo'ak " so we finally came to this situation sir"

Jake ' yes and you will not be staying with your grandmother or uncle tsutey as well he mad at you as well, you will leave the home and stay elsewhere until you act mature"

lo'ak " okay sir"

Jake " you can stay in the huts outside of the clan because right now, we don't need anymore trouble"

lo'ak " do my siblings and everyone else know about this"

Jake " we will tell them later they will understand so make your decisions, we will leave you here to think as we need to check up on your siblings and there other ... dont disappointment even more then you have already done"

neytiri " think about this wisely lo'ak for everyone sake" neytiri and Jake soon left, lo'ak made up his idea he soon ran to his room and packed up the belonging he will needed. He was leaving he was going to do everyone and favor and leave, he was going to join you and the other at the second base.

lo'ak " I should go say goodbye to everyone and tell them I will call later" lo'ak was heading those the healing hut to speak with everyone.

tonowari " Jake sully what will you do with the son of yours"

ronal " he has hurt our son and other boys as well, and he keeps on breaking the rules of the clan and questions us as well"

Jake " we have spoken with lo'ak and gave him a scolding, he will make a apology to your boy and the others along with everyone else he will also be punished as well"

neytiri " we are sorry about his behavior"

ronal " it seems like your other child are not demon blooded like him, the clan has faith in your other kids not in the boy ... I and tonowari wish for you as well to make sure lo'ak doesn't drag our daughter down his wicked path"

ronal " we seen the way he looks at her and we don't wish for that for our daughter until the boy prove himself as navi and no demon"

Jake " we will deal with that we have noticed as well and will make sure no more trouble comes to your family"

Jake " sometime I wonder if he even my son or even if he should be a sully after all" lo'ak had a looked of heartbreak on him, he decisions was finally made he was now. It seems like saying goodbye will be bad he just need to go.

lo'ak " hey boy we will be leaving for some time I think it for the best, don't worry we will not be going that far just far enough away from here" lo'ak soon tied his bag onto his ikran saddle and soon got onto the saddle, he soon took off into the sky he was running home to you. It didn't need to be the forest he just wanted to be with you right now.

Hours later

lo'ak " well made it here by morning that a good thing"

???? " lo'ak"

lo'ak " hey mama" you looked at your son happy to see him, as you soon rushed to him and hugged him.

y/n " what are you doing here are your siblings with you ... my boy what the matter"

lo'ak " I just wanted to see you mama I just need you right now, and place to call home" you could tell by the tone of his voice it was bad situation, you soon walked into the base with him. Where lo'ak had see old faces he knew so well and new faces as well.

y/n " here some breakfast you need to eat something"

lo'ak " thanks mama'

spider ' hey bro I didn't know you will be coming here"

lo'ak " hey spider"

spider ' hey is everyone else here as well my dad too this is cool ... bro is everything okay"

norm " hey kid why don't we leave your aunt and cousin to speak with each other, it seems important"

spider " oh yes sorry"

lo'ak " it okay I will tell you all later" spider had nodded his head while norm and him walked away, leaving the mother and son to talk.

y/n " so tell me everything if you wish you have my full attention"

after telling the story

max " hey y/n Jake on the line and he seems very worried about ... oh lo'ak you are here"

lo'ak " uncle max"

max " Jake is calling about lo'ak saying he missing but he is here I will, tell Jake about this...."

y/n " no I will speak with that stupid jarhead and foolish man as well" you had gotten up from your seat it was easy to tell you are mad, as lo'ak and max followed after you.

norm " hey Jake y/n is finally here" once your enter the room everyone saw you, and they all could tell Jake is a dead man walking.

Jake " y/n there you are lo'ak had gone missing something had come up yesterday, and we noticed she was not at home or with mo'at we can't find him"

y/n " oh I know because he is here Jake staying behind me with spider"

Jake " he is lo'ak are you okay"

lo'ak " I'm fine sir I kept true to what your had order me to do"

Jake " I will come get you and we can speak about this with your mama, and mother then you can come home with us ..."

y/n " no Jake he is staying here with me he can come see his siblings and new friends, but he staying here with me he no longer staying with you and neytiri"

Jake " y/n listen ...."

y/n " no you will listen here I'm done with you and everyone in that clan, and it seems like other clan treating my son like his unwanted and a demon it makes me sick and he is staying with me for now and maybe forever until he make his own home"

neytiri " y/n please we can...."

y/n " there is nothing you both can do to make me change my mind the kids can come here and stay for the nights, you all can come and seek help or to discuss anything but I will not have you taking my son away anymore .... he staying with me here on this base and outside as well'

Jake " he is my son'

y/n " don't from the recording lo'ak had shared with me earlier"

Jake " y/n I ...."

y/n " I will be civil for our children sake as I still and will always love them, the are the greatest things that came from my relationship with your and neytiri"

neytiri " y/n"

norm " we will have to end this call soon as seeing there has been enough damage done, by other parties on the line and for the well-being for the boys as well"

Jake " we will call later to speak with y/n and lo'ak" the call soon ended and everyone looked around the room.

lo'ak " mama you are not to blame for what has happened"

y/n " I do feel like I should be blamed I had fallen in love, with them and like a fool I thought they will love me as well'

norm " you are not a fool y/n maybe this time apart will be good for you and lo'ak'

lo'ak " I'm allowed to stay"

max " yes you are young man your mom has a space her for her, human body/avatar as well enough room for you and your siblings"

lo'ak " thank you I wish I could speak with my siblings I feel bad for leaving"

norm ' we can call them later on so you and spider can speak with them"

lo'ak " thank you"

y/n " come on I will show you where I''m staying" lo'ak had nodded his head as spider had tagged along as well, you and spider had even lo'ak a tour around the inside of the base and outside as well. Showing home the place had can call home when he was here with you.

later that night

lo'ak " hey neteyam is calling"

spider ' sweet let speak with him" the boys had answer the call in hopes to speak with the three other sully kids.

neteyam " hey baby bro and spider"

lo'ak " hey'

spider ' hey"

kiri " lo'ak we were so worried when we learned you were gone"

lo'ak " I 'm sorry for leaving I just need to go"

tuk " will you be gone forever and forget us"

lo'ak " I will never forget you and mama is here as well'

y/n " hello my loves'

kids " mama"

y/n " your brother and spider are safe here with me, and you all can come see us and spend night here"

tuk " I will love that mama I miss you"

y/n " I miss you to baby girl but we can see each other again"

kiri " what about mom and dad will they come"

y/n " yes to talk but not to stay at the moment"

kiri " okay mama I will definitely come stay with you and everyone else"

y/n " good"

neteyam " lo'ak I'm sorry for not standing up for you last night"

lo'ak " you don't have to apologize neteyam this might be good, for everyone in the end"

neteyam " well no matter where you, spider, and mama are we will always be family along with everyone else" the boys had nodded their heads and smiled. The kids had talked a bit more until the call ended later on the mother and son had a meal together.

lo'ak " mama are you sure everything okay"

y/n " yes my love I'm just thinking about everything that has happened lately, but I'm so happy you are here my love"

lo'ak " thank you mama and thank you for letting me run to you"

y/n " you can always come to me when you need help my son, I'm your mother and this is our home" lo'ak had nodded his head as he ate his dinner, him and spider stayed up a bit longer talking until they had went to bed. Lo'ak knew he could feel safe and love here now he was, going to fright more for himself and the ones he loves. He had learned well from his you his mom, who will do anything for him and the others she loves.

[sunandmoonseisai]

I noticed that there's a lot of overlap between l*bru shippers and the "you can't call the touden party a found family they don't even like each other!" crowd. It's like they need to dismiss the growth between laios and his team to make kabru more important to him by comparison. Like the argument that laios learnt to embrace his humanity thanks to kabru. I mean... I don't deny that their little convo had an effect on laios, but his arc towards accepting being human started way before he was even aware of kabru's existence.

It started when he revealed his true self to his team in the first chapter. When they still followed his lead, by obligation at first and eventually by genuine trust. When he bonded with his new companion senshi thanks to their mutual interest for monsters. When prideful chilchuck admitted, with tears in his eyes that he doesn't want to lose him. When marcille was teaching him magic, washing away his inhibition about physical closeness in the process. When his unique knowledge culminated in him defeating the bigger threat they ever had to face. When they all congratulate him for it. When marcille, smiling so bright, told him how proud she is and how much he has grown. It was their interactions, it was their teamwork, it was the meals that they shared that made laios understand that he can be himself and also be loved. That not all of humanity will reject him.

Marcille's smile is such a comfort to laios. The squeamish marcille that never hide her disgust. The one that wear her heart on her sleeve. She know him now, she know how much of a freak he is and yet she still smile so brightly in his presence. Same goes with chilchuck. He wasn't bond by any contract after they found falin, so why did he stay? Because behind every abusive remarks is his strong desire to keep his teammates safe despite the little power he has. Because he can't protect them so he's trying to shame them into being less reckless like a parent. Senshi see the team has his children that he need to look after. Izutsumi learnt that she won't live a good life doing nothing but what she wants. She learnt that she need to take care of herself to not worry those who care about her.

Where was I again? I got sidetracked but all to say that when laios dreamed of falin leaving him after his leg was bitten off, he was distraught. And yet he let her leave so casually at the end, because she isn't the only person who love him for who he is anymore. He has a whole support system by his side now.

(And dungeon meshi is a story about a group of people learning to live without their mutual moral support, and said moral support being finally able to live for herself now that she isn't as needed but that's a story for another time).

[angstymdzsthoughts]

(Tw for assault) pre canon, pre kids (or at least pre-jc and wwx being born) YZY gets attacked by WRH at a party. He drugged her and caught her off guard. Afterwards she tries to summon all her usual rage but he just sneers at her and says if she tried to do anything to him in retaliation, the Wens will come down on Meishan Yu AND Yunmeng Jiang. And she can't exactly say what he did to her, can she? She'll be shamed. It's her word against his and people would happily believe her cheating on JFM in a fit of drunken rage, and there would be no case anyway because she didn't fight him off - the famed violet spider not putting up a fight, her golden core not taking care of the drug? How weak. She must have wanted it...

Afterwards she returns home with JFM and tries to put it behind her. She's Yu Ziyuan and won't crumble because of this. But. It's hard. She doesn't feel safe anymore even with her handmaidens. Even in her home. She tries to act as she did before but she feels like she's falling apart - how can she whip the disciples into shape, lead Lotus Pier, when she can't even fight off a simple drug, a simple man, even if it was Wen Ruohan? Before she would express all her emotions through rage but now... she can't summon any of it. She has nightmares. She feels his hands on her, undressing her, tugging her hair, even slipping zidian off her finger and leaving her defenseless... she's falling apart and she's terrified everyone can see it.

the truth is everyone is fooled.... except for JFM who, somehow, notices cracks in her armor and wants to know what happened to his wife.

"Don't touch me!"

It's not the first time his wife had said it to him. She has snapped and hissed and growled the words too many times to count. Had once screamed them in his face when he touched her hand after Cangse and Changze visited.

But she had never been afraid.

Fengmian had honestly thought she simply wasn't capable of it. He had always admired the strength his wife carried, even when it was turned against him. He couldn't recall her ever being anything but fierce and proud and standing tall.

He felt rattled seeing her like this. Small and trembling and flinching away from him in fear.

"Please," she begged, her eyes weren't focused on anything. "Don't touch me."

Fengmian felt his own hand shake. He had reached out to fix the crooked hair pin- a perfect excuse to touch her hair- when she flinched like he had tried to strike her.

"I... Whatever my wife wishes," he assured her. "I would never- You know I would never..."

His words seemed to ground her enough to start gaining control of herself again.

"My lady, did something happen?"

The glare she gives him is venomous.

The tongue lashing she gives is short and harsh and she retreats to her rooms immediately after.

Fengmian is left with a cold, heavy feeling in his stomach.

-

YZY would be so, so worried about JFM finding out. She thinks he won't hesitate to take the opportunity to divorce her and ruin her reputation.

[eikichi-supremacy]

ik ppl hate fictional deadbeat moms but im an avid enjoyer. my feminism knows no bounds truly/j

like i get it she did a bad job. but shit she still did a job that's for sure!! like. she did it do you understand. 14 year old girl is pregnant. it's disgraceful. a shameful stain on her family. yusuke doesn't seem to have grandparents or anything so besides yusuke's bio dad she's got no one. and then when yusuke is a toddler the father disappears and considering who he is and what he's like that's probably for the best. gonna go out a limb and say that yusuke was maybe 4 or 5 when his dad cleared out so. at 18 and entirely alone. atsuko looked down at this little thing. this baby because he's still a baby to her this is a baby who only has her. Not even 4 feet tall with the biggest brown eyes looking to her for everything because he quite literally has no one else.

he doesn't know she's a failure yet. he doesn't know people will look down on them just because he exists as he is. he doesn't know how hard this is going to be from now on. all he knows is he loves his momma

so she doesn't cry. she just meets his big innocent eyes and goes "it's just you and me kid" and yusuke doesn't know that that's a sad thing.

so she takes care of him the best she can and it still sucks but yusuke doesn't know what the standard she should be held to is yet. for a small time she is the greatest and best person in his world and he's the only one who thinks so

then he meets keiko and her parents and finds out that his normal is actually dysfunctional and that his mom actually isn't all that great. that living day to day in the bottom of a bottle isn't healthy. so she's no longer praiseworthy but this person he's responsible for. just like that the roles reverse. because while she was all yusuke had yusuke is also all atsuko has. he doesn't respect her but he still punched the motherfucker in the mouth that called her a tramp. she taught him how to do it.

atsuko comes to terms with the fact that Yusuke doesn't really need her anymore, probably never did so she doesn't bother to care when he skips school or beats whoever he wants to a pulp or gambles because at 14 she was expecting so what the fuck can she really say about him. he sneers at her as he makes her coffee. atsuko lights another cigarette

it feels like betrayal when her son dies. at 14 she had him so how can he die at a sorry age like that. i wasted my teenage years on you for what? so you can die and leave me here? you fucking brat. how can she recover from this? yusuke was all she had. he hadn't looked up at her with an admiring gaze since he was 7 and stopped hugging her goodbye soon after but still he was hers he was hers and then he was gone

but then he comes back. and she doesn't get much better as a mom or as a person really. she tries harder than before maybe (keeping him in school) but yusuke never expected her to. he's made up of her bad habits and uncaring attitude but he's so much better than her. became something good something strong despite how shitty of a job she did raising him.

she's not proud because she has no right to be but something like it tugs in her chest when she sees him feeding the people he cares about at his little ramen cart looking as happy as the first time she'd taken him out to park.

yusuke's dad suggests taking another crack at the whole family thing and she wants to laugh in his face. the only family she'll ever have is that little boy who's stronger and braver than she'll ever be.

she doesn't want to see him laying cold in a casket ever again. he's meant for life, a soul as bright and durable as his. atsuko hopes he lives to see the sun explode

[ficretus]

Gaslight masters

*during Volume 2*

Emerald: Aren't you worried about this psychological evaluation? On the account of us being...

Cinder: Oh please Emerald, this is a trivial matter. Only person who should be worried is Lionheart for not fabricating it for us.

Mercury: What's the matter Em? Afraid they are gonna dig up your mommy issues?

Emerald: Shut up Mercury. Still, what if they have some ways of digging through our psyche and...

Cinder: Emerald you are doing it again.

Emerald: Panicking?

Cinder: No. Thinking. Don't think, just repeat after me. Mask and deflect.

Emerald: Mask and deflect.

Cinder: Excellent. Do this every day and you'll be as proficient as me and Mercury in no time.

Mercury: We'll see about that.

Emerald: You are scared you'll never be able to match me.

Mercury: Not bad.

Cinder: Bravo, already making some progress.

Emerald: *smiling* Thank yo... *clears throat* Not that I care about your praise.

Cinder: Very good. Just mind your tone.

*door opens*

Ozpin: Miss Sustrai, you are next for psychological evaluation.

Emerald: Wish me luck.

Cinder: Sigh...

Mercury: It's still work in progress.

*1 hour later*

Ozpin: Now that I finished evaluating all three of you, I want to talk about something worrying with you.

Mercury: Em fucked up again, great.

Emerald: Me?!

Mercury: Who else. I wasn't the one that started crying for mommy half way through the session.

Ozpin: Oh, not Miss Sustrai. Longing for a maternal figure as an orphan is something completely normal. I wanna talk more with you Mister Black and Miss Fall. Miss Sustrai is free to go.

Cinder: Me? My interview was flawless.

Ozpin: Miss Fall, all you and Mister Black did was mask your feelings and constantly deflected.

Cinder: Oh please, vent your frustrations on your lackeys. Don't bother us.

Ozpin: I don't think so. For example, both you and Mister Black seem to have issues regarding paternal figures.

Mercury: Look whitey, just because your daddy didn't hug you doesn't mean rest of us have issues.

Ozpin: Yeah, this isn't working. I want to talk with your guardian.

Mercury: I see what this is, you wanna hook up with my mom. For shame...

Cinder: I don't see point of that.

Ozpin: But I do. Lets just say you are not leaving this room until I talk with them. Or perhaps do you want me to look into some other information, Miss Fall?

Cinder: Of course not. Here, take this number. That's our adoptive mother.

Mercury: *whispering* Are you crazy? He'll find out.

Cinder: *whispering* Relax moron. She is an expert.

Ozpin: Hello, this is Headmaster Ozpin from Beacon Academy. Is this Madam Fall-Black?

Salem: Of course not.

Ozpin: Can I speak with her?

Salem: I don't know, can you?

Ozpin: Sigh, Ma'am, are you Cinder's or Mercury's adoptive mother?

Salem: Mother? I suppose I am. How endearing.

Ozpin: I just wanna talk about their behavior. During the psychological evaluation all they did was endlessly mask their feelings and deflected everything I've said.

Salem: Oh my, how terrible. I'm so sorry you got offended.

Ozpin: This isn't about me. This is about the fact their way of communication is unhealthy.

Salem: Oh but it is about you. Always about you Ozma.

Ozpin: It's Ozpin. Look Ma'am, could you talk with them?

Salem: And tell them what? That there is a compulsive liar who gets offended by everything?

Ozpin: Ma'am, they need to be able to deal with their emotions and shortcomings. They can't mask them their entire life.

Salem: Hypocritical drivel. How did you raise your children?

Ozpin: For your information, I have a perfectly healthy relationship with my daughters!

Salem: I am sure you do. That's why only reason any of them would want to be in the same room as you is if they were comatose and on life support!

Ozpin: Wait what? Who is this?

*call ends*

Ozpin: *lights a cigarette* It's like I'm talking with my ex wife again. You two can go, can't deal with this shit anymore.

Cinder: *whispers to Mercury* Told you she still got it.

[lastflowerofyourhouse]

I am going to write a scene between two characters that is so improbably emotionally honest.

(or: another exerpt from a fic i'll never finish, entitiled "griddlehark finally talk about stuff" in my drafts.)

-

Gideon wasn't sleeping. Harrow knew this because she also wasn't sleeping. But her own sleeplessness was born of long habit. It was an easy, comfortable insomnia. The dark and quiet were all she had left of home.

Gideon, though, had never been prone to insomnia before. She had always been easily exhausted and prone to oversleeping, rocklike and deaf. And yet, there she was, for the third night in a row, up at odd hours in the safehouse’s kitchen. Harrow could hear her softly shuffling around. She hesitated, considered leaving her to her own devices—what claim, after all, did Harrow have on her anymore? What right had she to butt into any of Gideon's affairs?

But she knew, in the way that she knew almost everything about Gideon, that she was at her worst when feeling abandoned. Harrow would go if she was told to go, but she had to try, at least. She would not abandon Gideon again.

So she went out to the kitchen and found Gideon hunched over the counter, wolfing down plain crackers. This, at least, was somewhat relatable to her.

“Can't sleep?” she asked, as it seemed as good an opener as any.

“Nope.” Gideon did not stop eating as she spoke. “Guess my body's still not in the habit. Being dead and all. Do you know how weird it is to be dead? Your organs just kind of…sit there. But they don't actually do anything. Puts a real damper on all your vital impulses. Like, all of them.”

This was more words than Gideon had said to her in weeks, which was good, even if they were the last words in the world Harrow wanted to hear. She floundered for something to say. Her face must've been doing something, because Gideon looked at it and said, “Oh, right, sorry. Wouldn't want to upset you with the details. Paul told me not to talk about it to you. Be a real shame to show you the consequences of your actions.”

Harrow tried not to react to that, but it hit her like a slap all the same. “I only wanted to save you.”

“Did it ever occur to you that I might not want to be saved? Did you ever stop to think, hey, maybe Gideon threw herself on a fencepost because she cared about me and did not want an eternal front-row seat to my continued suffering? No. You didn't. You never thought about what I wanted, you only thought about how you'd lost your favorite chew toy. At least have the decency not to revive the little innocent martyr act from when we were eight. It never fooled me then and it doesn't fool me now. Don't look at me like that.”

“I’m—sorry.”

“You're sorry.”

“I never deserved you. I know that. Not once in my whole miserable life did I deserve to breathe the same air as you. I should've signed your release the day you asked. I should've let you go without conditions and with half our coffers in your pockets. I should’ve begged your forgiveness the first time I said an unkind word to you.”

“You can say that all you like, Harrow, but you never would've.”

“I would now. In a heartbeat. Fat lot of good it does us.”

Gideon shrugged. “I'm not sure I would've left anyway, back then.”

Harrow was startled by that. She could remember Gideon speaking of nothing else, as children. “No?”

“I mean, what would I have even done? Joined the cohort? Been there, done that, and I was bored in a month. I don't know—I don't know. Seems like everything I used to believe in was a sham. My parents. The cohort. You.”

“I don't know how you want me to respond to that.”

“Try telling me the truth.”

Harrow was quiet for a long moment. She had been telling the truth. She needed to find a truth Gideon could believe. Start from there. “You're right. I wouldn't have let you go, when we were children. I could never stand to have you out of arm’s reach, for the same reason you would never have left. I would be at a loss. The fabric of the universe would come unraveled without you. I believed that then, and I've seen evidence of it now.”

“Bullshit, Harrow. You liked having something to play with.”

“You know better than anyone that both can be true, you insufferable, pedantic meathead. You know better than anyone how I felt then, what I feel now. Do you think I was ever stupid enough to believe myself your superior? Do you think I never understood what I was doing? You were the single point around which my entire world revolved. Everything made so much sense, when it was all about you. I have seen my life without you, Griddle, and it was colder and emptier than I had thought possible. In retrospect, the idea that I had endured such a childhood at all should have alerted me to the fact that something was wrong.

“I have never flinched away from my own faults. My inadequacies, perhaps, but not my faults. And I have always known that you were better than I am. I was once in denial, but never truly in ignorance, of the horror of our treatment of you. And yet the only sin you hold against me is that I tried to release you. That I removed you from my reach, relieved you of my beck and call. That is the only thing you have ever refused to forgive me for. Why?”

“You know why.”

“I want you to tell me. For once in your life, just tell me how you feel.”

“I feel stupid. I feel betrayed. I feel like I have not slept properly in a month, because I haven't. I feel like I was a corpse recently, because I was. Is this what you want to hear?”

“I want you to answer the question.”

Gideon stopped, took a deep breath. “We both already know, Harrow. Why do you need me to tell you?”

“Plausible deniability.”

She hesitated for a very long time. “I never wanted to be separated from you, either. I kidded myself about being your rightful equal when we were kids, but I don't think I even believe that now. My life was always going to be—you. I knew that. I just. Became alright with it. At some point. It was like—like, imagine if someone took your bones away, or something. The ones you carry around in your pockets, I mean, not the ones in your body. But kinda those too? Like, if everything that made you you was suddenly stripped away and you were useless. And I had to watch, Harrow, all of it, knowing I could help you. Knowing I could save you, if only you'd let me fulfill my only purpose that ever really mattered.”