#like sestra will be in the house wearing socks and jeans and a heavy sweater and a scarf

[megabadbunny]

How do you know the difference between just needing more self-discipline and being ADHD? I've been told all my life I have so much potential if I could just put my mind to things and work hard, but I have a hard time explaining that it isn't that easy... Idk. I don't want to be falling for the special snowflake thing pathologizing my laziness or be making excuses, but I also would love help if it's out there and this is really a problem that might have a name and ways to cope

Hey there hon! That’s a really good question. (Sorry it took me a minute to answer, I’ve been trying to gather my many many thoughts in a way that hopefully makes sense!) 

I was hoping for a gif of a squirrel gathering nuts but I found this instead so y’know you’re welcome

I’m sure it’s different for everyone, but I’m happy to share how it works for me, if that helps! For me the line can be blurry at times since one issue seems to feed into the other–that being said, there seems to be a difference with regards to intent/purposefulness? Like when I’m feeling lazy/unmotivated/utterly lacking in discipline, there tends to be this sense of, “Meh, I’ll get around to it eventually,” or “Dear God this is boring” or “Welp it’s not going my way so this project can suck it” or “If I wait long enough someone else will take care of it for me so I don’t have to step away from my 800th play-through of the original Spyro the Dragon”. (That’s what all the hip kids are playing these days, right???) I feel like laziness is rarely accompanied by remorse or self-reflection or analysis and is ultimately about an active choice not to do something–“I don’t feel like doing it, so I’m just not gonna”.

(But of course it should be noted that laziness or a lack of self-discipline do NOT a bad person make; if they did, we’d all be in trouble, because EVERYONE, regardless of mental health, struggles with laziness and/or self-discipline at times!)

ADHD-borne-issues, on the other hand–in my experience–tend to involve a certain amount of executive dysfunction, obliviousness to things that other people find easy to spot or remember, an inability to focus on one thing at a time (i.e. instead of devoting 100% of your focus to one thing, or even 50% to two things, you end up focusing like 2-3% on 50 things, which is functionally useless), and then there’s the absent-mindedness and the daydreaming and the difficulty paying attention if the topic at hand doesn’t interest you, wherein your mind wanders off to who-knows-where in the middle of a task or conversation apropos of seemingly nothing and you don’t even notice it’s happening until it’s over and you suddenly realize you processed absolutely nothing that just happened in the world around you. 

In short, I feel like ADHD issues are often synonymous with simply not being able to hold everything you need to keep in mind, in your mind. So you may tend to overlook stuff that needs to be done even if it’s kind of obvious, or your brain just fucking skips steps in the task for no apparent reason, or you put shit off because you have no idea where to start and it makes you anxious, or the task seems ridiculously overwhelming (even if, in truth, it’s quite simple), or you keep legitimately getting distracted by other shit because maintaining focus on one thing at a time is like trying to maintain a vice grip on a wet bar of soap, etc. etc. etc. So there can definitely be some intent/purposefulness involved, but it’s not as simple as, “Don’t wanna, not gonna.” (Although after years of putting off stuff for ADHD-related reasons, unfortunately it’s easy to fall into a habit of putting shit off simply because that’s now how you’re accustomed to dealing with stuff, which is where the “blurred line” bit comes in.)

It’s also worth noting that, in adults, ADHD is often accompanied by depression and/or anxiety or other comorbid disorders, which can definitely complicate things. For instance, sometimes I have trouble focusing on or completing a task due to a sudden inexplicable drain in my energy (if I’m in a period where I have any energy to begin with), or sometimes if my brain isn’t engaged I will seriously literally lose the ability to stay awake, regardless of how much sleep I’ve had the night before, and I’ll just sleep like a rock through a lecture or in the middle of a movie theater or just because I sat down for two minutes on a friend’s couch. Or sometimes there’s a sudden complete (again, seemingly inexplicable) loss of interest in something that previously captivated me. Then there’s my personal favorite, the panic-ridden self-flagellating anxious procrastination, i.e. that thing where you sit there and think Okay, time to get this done. Get it done. C’mon now, go do the thing. Seriously. Do the thing. Just do it. You gotta do it. Jesus Christ, please just do the thing. It’s not that hard. Other people do the thing just fine. Holy hell your life is so easy why are you making this so difficult for yourself. Just get off your ass and do the thing. What the fuck is wrong with you. JUST DO THE THING but instead of doing the thing you just sit and do something useless like trawl the Internet with 87 tabs open for five hours in a row, hating yourself all the while but seemingly unable to pull yourself away. MMMMM ANXIETY AND SELF-HATE MY FAVORITE.

Ultimately, I think one of the commenters on this thread sums it pretty well:

I think if the desire to function normally is there to the extent where you are upset/distressed by your inability to do so, then its not laziness. If you were lazy you wouldnt give a rats, that you’re trying but not managing, to me, says its something else.

So whether it turns out that you have ADHD or not, whether it’s your brain chemistry fucking with you or you’re struggling with self-discipline, the fact that you’re looking into it and genuinely questioning it is a good thing! That means you’re aware something’s up and you want to work on it. The first step to recovery is realizing there’s an issue, and even if it turns out that your brain is totally free of ADHD or other super fun mental-health-buttholes, you can take steps to make things better for yourself (and again you can rest easy knowing that everyone struggles with self-discipline at times, ADHD or no, so you’re not alone!). And if you think you may have ADHD–if you check a reputable source for symptoms and honestly find that pretty much all of them apply to you on a regular basis–I highly recommend seeking out a counselor if you can, even for just one or two sessions. Even if you don’t end up seeking medication or anything like that, the peace of mind in knowing what’s going on in your brain juices is a huge relief.

(It should also be noted that the meds don’t automatically spur you towards motivation-land so much as–in my experience anyway–they give you the ability to just freaking remember stuff and focus on shit long enough to get it done. They don’t fix you but they do give you the tools to get by, the tools that everyone else seems to have automatically. And there are some side effects to keep an eye out for, but that’s another story. Nothing dangerous in my experience, just a little frustrating at times. :P )

Anyway, I hope there was at least a little something useful in there, and good luck on your quest for the truth!