#like real people do by hozier came on while i was editing these

[lordenverwhoretash]

I will not ask you where you came from I will not ask you and neither would you honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips we should just kiss like real people do

[itwasntimethatdidit40]

Happy Birthday, little finch.

Gif credits

Pairing: Jackson!Joel X AFAB!reader

Words count: 6731

Rating: +18 NSFW, Minors please don’t interact

Summary: Everyone forgets your birthday but you receive an unexpected invitation (wink) that will change the fate of the day.

Warnings: POV second person, smut, little power dynamic, little brat taming, begging, unprotected P in V (please, always use protections in real life!), Reader's age is intentionally unspecified, you can imagine an age gap between her and Joel or not, oral (f receiving), fingering (f receiving), nipples play, Joel comes on reader's tits, just a little of pulling hair, soft!Joel, grumpy!Joel, pet names (little finch, honey, baby, babe), mention of fasting as a sarcastic joke (I don’t condone joking about no one’s eating habits), reader has hair (It is not specified how long they are or what they look like), reader can be lifted by big and strong Joel, reader has a able body, breasts and vagina and she wears a dress, apart from that no other description is given, reader is part of the Jackson community, I don't know anything about Jackson, I only know a few details about second game’s plot (including that detail, yes) so everything I describe is purely from my imagination and may have no bearing on the original Jackson, brief appearances by Maria, Tommy, Ellie and Dina, drinking, swearing, Joel calls reader “little finch” (I came up with this nickname just because my grandpa used to call me with a bird name when I was little and I always found it sweet, so here we go ❤️), Joel can draw (I don't know if it's true but for me it is, okay, allow me). I hope I haven't forgotten anything but if I do I'll add it as soon as I notice.

English is not my first language so please be kind, I always try to do my best, no proofreading (sorry), very little editing, I apologize for any mistakes. I'm writing on my phone, I hope the formatting isn't too bad 🥲

Thank you so much to anyone who will read this, I really hope you’ll like it, kind comments and advices are really appreciated ❤️

I've been listening to Hozier's "Talk" heavily while writing this so here it is, I'll let you know. It's such a beautiful song and I love Hozier so much 🫠

Archive tags: @pedrostories ♥️

You wake up struck by a ray of sunlight that enters faintly through the half-closed shutters and dies right on your face.

You have no idea what time it is and your head feels heavy and confused, you turn over in bed thinking that maybe you can give yourself another 5 minutes but then you hear voices outside already awake and ringing and then you think that maybe it's really late. You sit up and retrieve the clock from the bedside table, it's 7 in the morning.

You get up and go to the kitchen to make some coffee and from the window you see some people already busy doing their work. Some children head towards the building designated as school in Jackson, happily laughing while they chase each others.

You yawn and open the cabinet in the kitchen where you keep the coffee filters, a precious supply recovered during an exploration that you jealously preserve.

The coffee is also the result of a find and therefore it was carefully rationed with the other members of the community.

You are grateful that it exists because this morning you really need it, last night you slept badly, continuing to toss in your sleep and always dreaming of the same thing again and again. You being swallowed up by a hole in the ground and no hand reaching out to help you. Just a great dream.

The coffee maker burbles a few minutes later, releasing the drink you crave.

Temperatures are milder in this season so you no longer need to put on a heavy jacket and snow boots, there is a bit of fresh wind but nothing compared to the harsh winter that has just passed.

Today in particular you feel like dressing better than usual, you go back to your room and open the wardrobe, carefully inspecting the few clothes hanging there.

You obviously don't have much choice because they're all salvaged second-hand clothes, but Maria gave you a nice pair of denim shorts a month ago and they look very nice on you.

You take it out of the closet and place it on the bed along with a white tank top that highlights your boobs just right, it’s nothing particularly fancy but it makes you feel good, you head towards the shower humming softly.

The shower helps you wake up, you dress and you leave the house feeling a bit better.

You meet a couple of people who greet you as you make your way to the library.

You enter, smelling the familiar smell of books and immediately get to work cleaning and dusting the shelves and the floor, like every day.

The morning passes peacefully, only a couple of people come in to borrow books, so after doing your chores you took the opportunity to rearrange thriller’s books section.

You're a bit shocked by the fact that no one told you anything particular but you don't mind, these people have a lot to think about and a lot to do.

When you leave it's lunch time, so you head to the common room.

The crisp air caresses your face and the sun gives you a little warmth that you missed so much, you really love this season in Jackson.

You enter the room filled with chatter that echoes off the walls. You take your place in line and once you have had your portion you sit at one of the tables.

No one reaches you yet. You're alone in a room full of people.

You see him in a corner, sitting with Maria and Tommy and you get lost for a while observing the way he moves his large hands, how his hair rests at the base of his neck, his big brown eyes, so communicative, the way his flannel shirt - which has practically become a distinctive trait of Joel - hug his muscles, the way his lower lip slightly twitch while he’s talking.

You’re totally captivated.

You can't help it and you know it.

Every time he spoke to you, even for just a few minutes, your body reacted unequivocally at his deep low raspy voice, his proximity always caused you trouble.

You like this man, much more than you are willing to admit.

Joel Miller.

You're friends, you might say. As much as it is possible to be friends with a man like him.

He's friendly, but always with an undertone of detachment that you can't define, as if he's afraid of letting himself go with someone and let his feelings flow freely.

And just as you're thinking this, he turns and looks at you for a moment.

You are sitting, yet your knees feel weak and you feel your cheeks redden knowing you've been caught.

You turn your eyes back to your lunch, quickly finishing your meal and bringing your tray back. You leave the common room feeling in a bubble.

It's stupid that he makes you feel like a little girl with her first crush but it always happens, by now you're resigned to always making a fool of yourself with him.

You walk home to do your household chores and then go to the patch of garden you've been assigned to take care of.

You meet various people along the way but again everyone just say hello, you see Ellie with Dina and they both wave at you and nothing more. In the meantime, Maria has left the common room and the only thing she asks you is how the courgettes you planted a month ago are coming along.

It's strange, but you shrug your shoulders and think that deep down today is not such a relevant day for others even if you hoped it would be because you now consider these people as your new family.

You stop thinking about it and focus on the things you have to do but a tiny piece of your heart hurts a little, just a little.

What the hell is wrong with people today? Only a month ago they throw a big party for Tommy and now nothing, not even a hint.

Okay, Tommy is higher rank, he is married to Maria, everyone sees him as a guide just as they see his partner.

And he goes on patrols, certainly offering others a greater sense of security and protection, unlike you who deal with less dangerous things.

That's probably why, you're just a minion in Jackson's pecking order.

You let off some steam by plowing your field with more force than necessary, small drops of sweat slide down your forehead and you end up hot and with your arms aching from the effort.

Stupid girl, stop thinking about it, it's not that important to have a birthday, not in a post apocalyptic world where everyone is struggling to get ahead.

But still, they acknowledged every single special day of everyone’s here before, except yours and nothing particularly relevant is happening, it’s been a couple of quiet weeks.

You're wiping sweat from your forehead with one hand when you hear a voice behind you.

"What are you doing tonight?" It's his voice, you'd recognize his among a thousand.

You turn around stuttering “uh, what?”

And there he is, flannel shirt, curls slightly blowing in the wind, mouth curved in a smirk, dark piercing eyes.

Fuck.

“I asked…what are you doing tonight?”

You feel the nervousness rising in your chest, it's the first time he's spoken to you in a week and you weren't ready in the slightest.

“Uh…oh…nothing special, I guess, I think I'll read a book and go to sleep early”

you say trying to maintain a certain apparent nonchalance.

“You didn't mention dinner, are you going to fast?” Oh, great. Sarcastic jokes, classic Miller behavior.

“No, of course not,” you reply, rolling your eyes.

He chuckles “okay, so, would you like to come to my house? I cook”

Fuck. Is that, a date?

You instantly feel your mouth dry as you try to reply “Well, it’s not like I have something better to do so yes, why not”

You don't want to make it obvious to this man how he makes you feel. There are worse things to worry about in this world, but letting yourself go with someone who always shows restraint only to be rejected - on your birthday, no less - doesn't seem as pleasant.

And that's how you usually communicate anyway, bickering.

Maria often laughs about it, you are both stubborn and neither of you ever wants to agree with the other.

One day she told you that she thinks you'll end up together and you practically laughed in her face. Not because you don't want to, but because you thought Joel didn't even see you that way.

Maybe Maria was right all along, who knows.

“Good, see you at 7”

And he goes.

You watch him walk away for a while, still with spade in your hands.

Suddenly this day became interesting.

You run into the house and take off your dirty clothes throwing them in the basket you keep in the bathroom and go to the shower.

While you're soaping yourself up you wonder what came into his mind.

As you rub your hair, you think that maybe he's making fun of you but Joel doesn't seem like the type to make a prank, he's always quite sarcastic but not a proper prankster.

It's part of his charm, he always looks grumpy but you know he's not bad, the way he looks at Ellie or his brother says everything about him.

He would do anything for the people he loves.

And he’s not mean, he was kind to you too.

You've spent more time looking at him, analyzing every chat you had with him than you like to admit, so yeah, you're pretty sure he's okay.

Once you get out of the shower you open the wardrobe and find yourself contemplating the usual clothes with which you have to make the best of things.

There is a cute dress that you have never worn because you have never found a particular occasion. It's quite short and low-cut, definitely not suited to Jackson's lifestyle, here everyone wears jeans and sweaters or t-shirts.

You think that maybe tonight is the time to dare even if you don't want him to burst out laughing and ask you what you've got in your head.

It's just a dinner.

He never mentioned anything romantic.

You're obviously nervous, because you like him and if it doesn't go well you should continue to see him every day anyway.

In the end you decide to wear the dress anyway but to tone it down with a cardigan and a pair of boots, so as to make it look less like "please fuck me" style.

You shake your head, how much trouble are you going to for Joel Miller.

However, you have to admit that it's the first really exciting thing that's happened to you since you've been here. You thought that surviving was enough so you obviously never complained about it.

You fix your hair after drying it, you look at yourself in the mirror and you think that you're not that bad after all.

It's almost time, you leave the house and walk the few meters that separate you from Joel's house with your heart beating wildly in your chest.

You climb the few steps to his porch feeling insecure and stupid for accepting, who knows what you expect from this lonely man.

You shrug and knock on the door, snuggling into your cardigan in the cool evening air.

You consider going back and pretending you had a mishap, but Joel opens the door.

“Hey, come in” he smiles at you. You cross the threshold timidly as a delicious scent invades your nostrils.

Who knew Joel Miller could cook?

You follow him into the kitchen and Joel pours you a glass of wine.

“Where did you find this?” you ask in surprise. Wine is a luxury that you haven't been able to afford many times in Jackson, usually the only thing they bring back after searches and patrols are bottles of cheap whiskey.

“I found it two km from here in an abandoned shop. It was stuck under a shelf, probably for years”

“Oh, great”

“Well they say that aged wines are better. Like men, don't you agree?” He smiles, winking at you.

He winked.

Fuck.

You try to hide your surprise by taking a long sip from your glass.

While Joel is busy checking on the stew you take a look around the living room.

It's a nice house, simply furnished like all the houses in Jackson, tidy and clean.

There are some sheets with drawings on the coffee table in front of the couch. You know Joel made them because you've seen him several times on his porch busy drawing animals. A squirrel, a deer, a small bird. He's really good at it.

And obviously his guitar, resting on a stand in a corner near the couch.

In a totally cheesy way you would love to hear him play something for you.

“So, do you like wine?”

You turn and see that he is a few steps away from you, glass in hand.

“Uhm, yeah, it’s good”

He gives you a smile “stew is almost ready”

“Can I help you with something?”

“No, don’t worry, you’re the guest”

You see him linger with his gaze on your legs and up to your breasts and you think that the dress wasn't such a bad idea after all.

He is wearing a black t-shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans and is breathtaking.

You scan each other for a few seconds, without speaking. You are like two predators sniffing each other to see who will give in first.

“That dress looks good on you” he finally says and for the first time you notice that he is slightly embarrassed. He looks down at his glass and stares at it harder than necessary.

You still don't know why he invited you tonight but honestly at this point you don't even care. He's more handsome than ever, his hair still slightly damp from the shower and pulled back, that little scar on his cheek that you'd be eager to find out the story of, that smile he's giving you and his hands nervously gripping the glass, everything about him draws you in like a magnet.

"Thank you. You're not bad either." You giggle and you know that it’s definitely what you needed tonight. To feel attractive. To feel seen.

He comes back to the kitchen and after a few seconds he calls you “Dinner’s ready”

You sit at the table in the kitchen and he places a plate in front of you that smells of home, of memories and takes you back to when you were little and your mom cooked for you.

It's like Proust's madeleine.

Evoking sweet feelings with food is one of your favorite things to remember who you were, who you loved, and what was before this debacle.

It's melancholy but also comfort in a certain way, it's like holding on to the truest and most authentic part of you, the one that made you who you are today and probably allowed you to survive.

You take a bite as Joel looks at you in anticipation.

“Wow, this is good!” you exclaim ��extremely good. Who knew that you were a chef”

“Ha! I’m really not, it’s just a stew and I’ve done it so many time that I can’t get it wrong at this point”

“It's still the best I've had in years, I need to get invited to dinner more often”

You chuckle and then you blush, because you've made it clear that you hope it's the first of many times.

Damn you.

You hadn't had a love interest in years, obviously, there wasn't time to think about that while the world burned and you had to fight to stay alive. But here, in this little bubble, where people have welcomed you and you have recovered crumbs of normality, it doesn't seem too stupid to feel something for Joel.

Is he grumpy? Sometimes. But he is also incredibly generous, to be honest. When you asked him, a formal contractor, to help you create the library he snorted, he told you that it wasn't necessary, that no one would ever go there anyway.

You shrugged and said that you would have done it anyway with or without his help, Maria had already given you permission.

The next morning you got up early to go and clean up the designated building and found him there, he was repairing a damaged window that wouldn't go up or down.

He grumbled when you asked him ironically what he was doing “someone has to stop you from opening a crumbling library”

You smiled, feeling your heart warm.

And so it was every day until the place was ready. Joel showed up early in the morning or in the evening, spent a few hours fixing the steps, eradicating moths, building shelves and cabinets, even a desk for you.

You've never talked in depth about your lives but you still know something you've heard through the grapevine. He's very secretive about his past so you never asked him any uncomfortable questions, the last thing you would want is for him to never share anything with you again.

The time he helped you with the library was the most enjoyable time you've had here so far and that's when you realized that your crush was more serious than expected.

“Do you want another glass of wine?”

“Why not, i don’t have to drive home”

He laughs “Yeah, no fines for you”

“At most a headache, but I'll think about that in the morning”

“Were you surprised when I invited you?”

he leaves you speechless for a moment and then you find, you don't know how, the strength to use irony, like you always do "I've known for a long time that you want me" you giggle and brush your hair away from your face while you say it.

"Oh yes? How strange, I actually thought it was the opposite” the smirk and the deep chuckle he gives to you goes straight to the most private part of you. Right there. It sits on your clit and you feel it tingling.

Fuck, this man.

You never experienced a flirty Joel Miller before and you were actually quite sure he wasn’t even capable of being so but he is.

“Oh shut up, finish eating” you scoff, feeling your cheeks turn on fire.

He lets go for a while and watches you amusedly fill your mouth with his stew.

“It's a pleasure to see you eat, little finch”

He started calling you that when you couldn't move the furniture in the library on your own. "I don't know how you thought you could manage on your own, little finch."

At first you hated it, now you pretend to hate it but you actually like it.

“Stop calling me that!” you still have to keep up a facade after all.

“Oh come on, finch is the cutest bird, don’t be offended”

“I’m no bird” you pout.

“Yep you are, finch. Delicate. Elegant. Pretty. You walk like you’re floating in the light air and your voice is a lovely chirping sound. It gets on my nerves sometimes, but I actually like it. A lot.”

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

You can't believe he said that.

You feel your heart melt like snow under the sun, your lips involuntarily curl into a smile, your hands tremble with the desire to touching him and between your legs a lustful heat invades you all over.

His face is relaxed, his eyes sparkle mischievously and his smile…his smile pins you to the chair.

You raise your glass in an attempt to drink some courage while he doesn't stop looking at you silently.

Just enough time to bring your lips close to the glass and you find yourself coughing, you're too distracted and the wine goes sideways.

Obviously.

You can't help but look like a fool in front of him, you don't even know how he thinks you're elegant.

“Jesus, are you okay?” he asks in alarm as he reaches up to wrap his arm around your back and pat you lightly.

To your surprise, his large, calloused hands can be very gentle.

“Oh my god, yes, yes I’m okay” you reply between coughs "I'll get over it now"

Now that he knows that you will survive he sits back down to his chair and scrutinizes you with an amused expression.

“Did I go too hard on you?”

“What? No, not all” you reply red-faced, while trying to regain some composure.

“Okay, if you say so” he places a hand on yours gripping the table “Has it passed?”

“Yeah, I think it is” You pour a little water into the other glass he has set and drink, this time slowly.

Finally you feel your breathing return to regularity and your cough gradually subside.“Thank goodness, little finch, think if I should have taken you to the doctor in that lovely dress” and laughs.

You've never seen him laugh so much.

He is intelligible most of the time but tonight he is an open book.

“What's wrong with this dress, Miller?” you ask, ironically, you may be clumsy but not to this point and you want to try to get back at him.

"Nothing. You don't see many of them in Jackson, that's all."

“It doesn't look like anything special to me,” you say, as you realize he's staring insistently at your tits. “Do you see anything special, Miller?”

He shrugs “It’s pretty low cut for nothing”

You bend over slightly, resting your forearms on the table smiling at him, exposing your boobs even more. He is sitting in front of you and still watching at them.

“You're pretty good at it after all, little finch” his eyes have become darker and it's as if a small flame is burning inside them.

You feel a certain pride rising in your chest.

“Now you look like the embarrassed one, Miller, have you seen how things have changed?” Your smirk doesn't go unnoticed by Joel who squirms in his seat as if it has suddenly become uncomfortable.

"Can you tell me something? Why did you invite me tonight?” you’re pushing him, and you know it. And actually, you like it, for once you feel like you have the upper hand.

“Isn't it obvious, finch?” he mutter.

“Maybe, but I'd like to hear it from you. Use your words, Miller, I know you can."

“When you asked me to help you to arrange the library I thought you were crazy. Then I realized I was wrong. It was a nice idea. It was a great idea actually. No one here can go anywhere anymore, and in any case there is nowhere you can go so it is comforting to know that there is always a way to take refuge elsewhere, at least for a few hours, reading a great book. So yes, finch, I like you. I like you because you gave us back some beauty.”

“Fuck Miller, you can make speeches whenever you want”

“It's just one of the reasons I like you, you’re also smart and thoughtful and gorgeous but yeah, that’s it, I’ve said it”

His gaze is languid, you'd almost say longing. Maybe you managed to scratch a small piece of the invisible armor he built to protect himself.

One moment you were bickering as usual and the next Joel fucking Miller left you speechless.

No sarcasm, not an ounce of irony, he sounds sensitive and vulnerable.

It's so strange to see him in this light, the only other time it happened to you you were in the library, he found a children's book and held it in his hands looking at it in silence.

For a moment you could have sworn you saw tears in his eyes, he looked helpless and hurt and then it was the usual Joel, complaining about the mess and the weight of the boxes you had made him lift that gave nightmares to his back.

You get up from the chair without even realizing it, as if it were an involuntary movement that your body needs.

You stop in front of him, who is still sitting, his arms abandoned on the table, his gaze following you questioningly.

You put a hand in his hair and let it run through his dark curls while he instinctively closes his eyes, abandoning himself completely under your touch.

You would like to say something but you don't want to ruin the moment and in any case you can't find any words suitable to describe how you feel.

Moved, yearning, grateful, overwhelmed?

All these things together at the same time.

You let your hand linger on the base of his neck, stroking softly

“Look at me” you whisper.

And his gaze turns, his whole body turns, and you've never seen him so clearly. He rests his large hands on your hips and his gaze pierces you as he lands on yours.

You feel his grip tighten as you lean over him and leave a shy kiss on his lips. Small. Brief. And another, instinctively. And yet another.

And another until his lips part on yours and fit perfectly in a long sigh. He tastes like wine and loneliness and desire.

It’s manly but tender and demanding for more.

Your tongues meet and it's like an electric shock that surprises you but at the same time it's inevitable like when two surfaces rub together generating energy, it is an unwritten physical law that holds you together despite having used all your strength to keep each other at a distance for months.

Now, all you can do is give up.

You kiss him like it's the last thing you do in your life, his eager hands roam your hips, gripping your ass and squeezing tightly.

He part from your lips just the time to stand up and wrapping you entirely in his arms, his mouth searching for yours again, eager, his hands stroking your back while you feel just like a little finch in the most comfortable nest you could find.

“God, I want you” he mutter in your ear nuzzling at your sensitive skin.

“Take me. Just… take me, Joel”

It’s a dreadful need that you feel deep in your bone, the last shred of love you could find in this broken world, a sweet feeling of release that you desperately wanted.

You can’t think straight and don’t want to.

He take off your cardigan and reaches for the hem of your dress and lifts it up roaming your thighs feverishly, squeezing and stroking, his fingers digging into your flesh as you moan softly into his ear. He pulls it up to your waist and you help slide it off your head.

He bends down to take off your boots and throws them on the floor in an unspecified place, then he gets up and takes you back in his arms. He's still dressed while you're almost naked and exposed in a pair of black lace panties and a matching bra. You might be intimidated but you're not. You let yourself be held and explored by his hands. His calloused fingers, rough but gentle, touch you everywhere, giving you goosebumps. He lifts a hand to one of your breast and squeezes it through the fabric.

You can't help but let out a muffled moan while he is filling his hand with your flesh.

“Do you like it, finch? Me squeezing your boob?” he says in a whisper, looking into your eyes.

“Y-yes” you mumble “give me more”

There's a smug, lecherous smile painted on his face as he reaches for your bra and unclasps it with a single gesture.

He slides it off and drops it on the kitchen floor. Your nipples stiffen in an instant, hit by the air, he takes one between his fingers and pinches it, pulling it gently and then his mouth is on it swirling his tongue and sucking it. You squirm at the sensation, digging your hand into his hair again, pushing his face into your breast “more, more” you stammer. You feel his smile spread across your skin and his teeth bite lightly into you.

“You’re ravenous, aren’t you?”

You pull his hair and tilt his face slightly to regain eye contact. “Do you mind?”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

“Good, you can continue doing what you were doing” you smile defiantly. You like to provoke him, especially now.

“You're bossy for a little finch, I like that”

he smiles back, his eyes shining bright with thrill and anticipation.

He returns to greedily licking and sucking like a thirsty man on your nipples, another loud moan escape from your lips.

“Fuck, you’re so good”

“I just started with you, you have no idea what awaits you” he whispers.

“Mmm then less talking, Miller, show me”

Without having to be told twice, he picks you up, much to your surprise, and places you on his couch in the living room.

“Woah, Miller, easy”

“You told me not to waste time talking” he shrugs. chuckling.

He pulls you to the edge of the couch “spread your legs”

You open your legs a little but he is visibly not satisfied, he takes your knees and opens them more "Like this. Now stay still” he orders.

He kneels between your thighs and pulls your panties aside.

You feel his fingers trail up your thigh, slowly, taking the time to slide lightly over your skin, causing you a mixture of tickling and excitement.

You writhe when you feel his index finger grazing your pussy lips, wandering up and down caressing for a little bit before sliding it between them and wetting it completely in your juices.

“You’re soaking wet, baby”

You can literally feel your cunt dripping when he keeps going up and down, briefly sinking into your hole with the tip of his finger and then on your clit, moving in circle with two fingers over your bundle of nerves.

You’re whining again, you’re growing impatient and he perfectly knows that

“Joel…”

“Yes, Finch?”

“You're doing it again”

“What”

“You know what. Do you want to torture me?”

"No. I just want you to beg me."

“God, you’re impossible” you roll your eyes out of exhaustion and arousal.

He stops completely.

“So are you, babe. Can you please let me do what I know best?”

He presses on your clit with two fingers and you squirm.

“Fuck. Okay”

He starts teasing your clit again, moving his fingers up and down to gather your wetness and spread it all over your lips.

“The thing is, finch, your pussy is so good. Look at her, I can’t rush it. She deserves to be loved nicely and slowly”

He is sitting on his heels just taking his time with you and you can’t be more eager to have him in your hole but you breath, resigned to wait for his pace.

He teases your entrance again, this time with two fingers, pushing in a little deeper.

His thumb is still taking care of your clit, moving a little faster than before.

“Eyes on me, babe”

And you do, you lock your eyes with his and you see hunger and lust and wonder.

He’s admiring you and you feel flattered.

He brings his face closer and sticks his tongue out, licking you from bottom to top and then again, letting it slide between your lips.

His beard is scratching you, his tongue stops on your clit swirling around it, jerking it slowly, again and again until you see him closing his lips on it and sucking gently.

He’s devouring you at this point and you mewl and cry and scream for more.

“Jesus - fuck - oh my goodness”

Your fingers are entwined into his curls and you’re pushing his face against you as much as you can, his tongue is fucking your hole now, he delves into you and lick all he can and you start to feel an incredible warmth rising from your core, in your tummy, to your chest.

He finally lets his index and middle finger sliding into you, pumping slowly in and out of your dripping wet cunt.

“Joel, oh my God I - ha! - I can’t, oh God”

“Yes, you can. Just like that, baby, give it to me” he whispers softly against your skin.

You’re on the verge of coming, the most incredible orgasm is knocking at your senses, overwhelming and brutally crushing into you.

“I’m com - oh GOD - yes,Joel, fuck”

He praises you again “come for me, soak my fingers, come on”

And you do. You gush all over his fingers like it was the last thing you do in the world, your legs shake and your heart reach an impossible pace that leaves you breathless.

He keeps licking and pumping into you until you calm and you can’t take your eyes off him bowed between your thighs, he drives you wild.

He stands up grunting at his poor knees and you giggle, he raises an eyebrow at you

“I wouldn't laugh considering the fact that I just made you scream my name”

He sits down on the couch next to you, circling your waist with his big strong arm and pushing you against him.

You bury your face in his chest “Aw, you’re so touchy, Miller” and you giggle again.

“You’re such a little brat.” He says, stroking your hair “But see? I wasn’t lying. It's been many years since I last did this but I still know what to do”

You raise your eyes at him “yeah, I give you that. You’re fucking good” and you place a kiss on the hairless part of his beard “but I-”

“What?” he interrupts you, looking at you maliciously

You bite your lower lip, feeling hot again just for the way he’s holding you tightly watching you with lust in his eyes.

“I want your cock”

“Oh. It’s time to beg, baby”

“Joel…”

“Beg for it, little finch” he’s smiling but his voice is firm and slightly authoritative

“I never beg” you scoff

“You will start now, sweetie, if you want to see me naked”

You look at him with exasperation, rolling your eyes immediately after “okay, Jesus. Can you please give me your cock?”

“Manners, babe. Ask gently”

You ask yourself what have you done wrong to fall for such an unbearable man “Good Lord”

“Beg with conviction”

“Joel Miller, could you do me the courtesy of fucking me? Please?”

You’re smirking hard. You definitely love to get on his nerves.

“You’re getting into trouble with this attitude, you know that?” He reaches one of your nipples and pinches it hard making you whimper into his arms.

You turn serious, looking him in the eyes intensely, licking your lip before saying “Fuck me, Joel. Please.”

“Mmm yes, just like that baby, it didn't take much”

He finally stands up in front of you. He takes off his shirt, revealing a strong, broad chest.

You can see a thin strip of hair disappearing under his jeans but apart from that he is almost hairless, his skin is delightfully dotted with freckles that make your mouth water.

He throws off his shirt and bends over to remove his boots.

Your eyes linger on his back, on his tense, rippling muscles, you can't believe how gorgeous he is, after all you think it was worth begging for this but you will never tell him.

He unzips his jeans and takes them off, remaining in his boxers. The sight of his deliciously soft tummy drives you completely insane. You’re craving him like you never did with anyone before.

“Kneel on the couch for me, baby” he orders and you immediately do, you turn your head just in time to see him taking off his boxers, freeing his already hard and swollen cock. Your knees sink into the pillows and your hands rest on the armrest, you are completely exposed to his will.

He gets behind you on his knees, gripping your hips and pulling you towards him.

“Fuck me Joel, please, fuck me now” you cry

“Such a good girl, begging for my cock like that. You learn quickly, little finch”

You only feel the tip poking at your entrance, he slides his cock against your dripping folds “Beg once more, babe”

You writhe, it’s more than you can take right now, you want him desperately.

“Please, Joel. Please” your voice sounds distraught but you don’t care, not now.

He enters you with a single thrust that makes you scream “Fuck!”

He’s big, so big that his cock burns in your center.

“I told you you were getting into trouble, baby, if you wanted me to be gentle you should have behaved better”

It's a small punishment you can bear, after a few seconds you already got used to his intrusion, you never felt so full before and right now you couldn’t ask for anything better.

He begins to move slowly, in and out of you, sinking deeper each time and reaching that spot that makes you see stars.

His loud grunts numb your head, his fingers dig into your hips as he thrusts into you, maybe he will leave some marks and the thought excite you even more.

“Oh God, please don’t stop, please”

He’s pounding into you incessantly, every thrust more deep leaving you short breath, you’re so wet that every lewd sounds coming from your cunt is making you feel like you’re on the brink of falling apart.

“Fuck, you look so pretty like that, babe, the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, so perfect for me”

You whine even more at his praises, feeling your pussy clenching hard around his cock.

“Joel please I’m-”

“I know baby, I know, I can feel you, squeezing my cock just right, God you’re taking me so good”

You basically spasm on his cock right now, legs trembling as your sink your fingers in the fabric of the couch desperately trying to hold your posture.

He holds you tightly by your hips, grunting with each thrust into you, hitting your cervix again and again.

“Come for me baby, come all over my cock”

You’re quivering so hard that you almost think of being on the verge of losing your mind.

You cry his name feeling so full and dazed while your orgasm explodes inside you.

He pumps into you until you calm down but he’s still throbbing against your walls “Where do you want me?”

“On my tits - please”

He comes out of you and you lie down on his couch, his throbbing cock is in front of you, he takes it in his hand, milking it a couple of time before releasing his cum all over you. He moans loudly as he paints your tits and chest with his pleasure.

He lies down on top of you, groaning “God, this was amazing”

You feel his sticky seed spreading on your skin but you don't care, you wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him softly.

He moves to the side so as not to weigh you down and takes you in his arms again.

You hide your face for a moment in the crook of his neck, inhaling his woody, citrusy perfume, with a hint of the natural sweaty scent of his skin. He smells amazingly.

“I could get used to it” you giggle

“Me too, little finch” and he leaves a kiss on your hair.

“Oh, you made completely forgot about it, do you know what day it is today?”

“No, should I?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever told you. It’s my birthday.”

His eyes widen, “Really?”

“Yep”

“Well then happy birthday. Did you like your present?”

“It’s the best I’ve ever received”

You kiss him again, knowing how true it is.

“We should take a shower,” he laughs.

“Yeah, you’re… well…all over me…but to be honest, I like it.”

He smiles widely “Come on little finch, I might have another gift for you in the bathroom”

“Oh, then I can’t wait to unwrap it”

[elean0rarose]

Author Ask Tag Game

Thank you @daughter-of-inklings for the questions!

I'm putting this below a cut because wow, it ended up getting really long, but read on if you're interested in me rambling about my WIP, my writing process, what inspires me to write, and what I aim for in my writing.

What is the main lesson of your story (e.g. kindness, diversity, anti-war), and why did you choose it?

In everything that I write, the takeaway is that ordinary people and underdogs can do remarkable things. You should never doubt the power of determination, grit, and the sort of resolve that comes from having nothing to lose.

What did you use as inspiration for your worldbuilding (like real-life cultures, animals, famous media, websites, etc.)?

I draw inspiration from all sorts of places, but usually it comes from the knowledge I have of medieval Europe (which I want to learn more about—I have so many books on it I want to buy), Ancient Greek mythology and religious practice, other fantasy media, and fashion.

I like to create mood boards and have started a Pinterest again to hoard bits of visual culture that speak to me. This really helps me for things like character design.

I do also get inspired by music. One of my stories, and so the worldbuilding that arose from that idea, was inspired by NFWMB by Hozier.

What is your MC trying to achieve, and what are you, the writer, trying to achieve with them? Do you want to inspire others, teach forgiveness, help readers grow as a person?

I'll speak about Blood and Water here, my novel-in-progress. Braddik, the MC, is on the surface simply looking for his long-lost father who he has never met. But underneath this is a yearning for meaning and to locate the self. Braddik as a character struggles to know who he is, and he misguidedly believes he can find that in another person who he has idealised in his own imaginings of him.

What I'm trying to achieve with Braddik is quite a bit, when I think about it. The aforementioned themes of ordinary people being able to do great things is on there, because he sets out on a continent-wide journey on his quest for family. But I'm also trying to show that these idealised fantasies we have aren't all they're cracked up to be when we get close to them.

Finally, I'm also trying to represent in fiction what it is like to have paranoia—like, not anxiety, but actual psychotic paranoia—because I think that's severely lacking. Whether he's right or wrong about things is inconsequential. It's more about how it affects him and his relationship with others and the world. It is neither a positive nor a negative, it just is, and there is no need to cure him as a plot point because that's not the story I'm trying to tell

How many chapters is your story going to have?

I have no idea. I kinda just write and see where it takes me—I'm absolutely a pantser. Then I'll figure out how things should be grouped up for chapters in the edits.

Is it fanfiction or original content? Where do you plan to post it?

All original content. My short stories are going out for submission in speculative fiction magazines, but I'm struggling to get my foot in the door at the moment because it's very competitive. When I finally finish the novel, I hope to have a few shorts published to help me get into trad publishing. It's a big dream, but we've all gotta have dreams, right?

When and why did you start writing?

I've written mainly non-fiction throughout my life, so imagine my surprise last year when I started writing fiction! It was the turning time between spring and summer, and my novel idea just... came to me. I had the first two lines rattling around my head for a few days while on holiday, so one morning when I got up earlier than everyone else, I wrote them down and then just didn't stop writing. It didn't take long to fall in love with it after that.

Do you have any words of engagement for fellow writers of Writeblr? What other writers of Tumblr do you follow?

I follow waaaay too many people to list them all but I'll tag some below to take part in this and you can go check 'em out! I'm not too sure what is meant by "words of engagement", but if you mean encouragement, then I'll say this:

Write. Write because your brain bleeds stories and your fingers ache for the touch of a keyboard. Write because it sustains you more than bread ever could. Write because it is your deepest desire unlocked and spilled onto a page. Write because this is what you dream of, because it is your most enduring love. Write.

I'm tagging, with the usual caveats, @sometimesraven @callahanscorner and @mundanemoongirl. Others feel free to take part even if you're not tagged!

Your questions are:

What was your first ever story idea? What happened to it?

What's your writing routine?

Are you a plotter, a pantser, or something in between?

Do you try to tell moral stories throughout your work, or any other life lessons? What are they?

What do you prefer, character development or worldbuilding? Why?

Do you have any tips for budding writers?

Who inspires you to write the most?

[onlyswan]

hi art!! I just recently came across ur acc and im curious abt some stuff like for one what are ur fave musicians to listen to ? Bc I remember the first thing I read from ur page - I forgot the name 😭 but it was when oc and jungkook kept meeting on a train while she was listening to cas and reading a book and omg since that moment I knew u were my favorite writer bc you were able to capture all my feelings and I just resonated with ur writings sm !! And I also have been using cas as my safe music for years now so seeing someone else also feels the same from years back makes me feel heard somehow !! I felt so safe and just so happy reading ur stuff like I forget about all my struggles I get excited to go to bed since my routine consists of reading ur stuff and it’s literally a daily thing now lol, and if u ever think about doing a long fic or even a novel pls do bc I am in LOVE with ur writing style you are able to capture the smallest details without dragging a story or make it boring you truly can bring stuff to life !! I used to read a lot and try and write poetry and sometimes stories too but thing got in the way and is slowly stopped but you made me remember why I love books so much and why I wish I couldve been a writer and that’s something so special !! also when did u first start stanning bts and have you ever been on the editing community lol? sorry for the rant and bombardment of questions and extreme enthusiasm but tbh I’ve realised that since I love ur fics so much I should start to get to know a bit about the writer and how you came across to writing them !! I hope u know how many peoples days you make better with these stories and ur so sweet too, keep being u !! :33

some of the other artists i listen to are txt, iu, frank ocean, beabadoobee, niki, mitski, fka twigs, omar apollo, hozier, the rose, wave to earth :D and i became an army during mots7! and i assume you meant writing community? :O but since i was like 9 i’ve been writing short stories and mainly poetry as a hobby and hid them all in the drafts. i never rlly published anything until i started this blog !

OMGSJDHDKDKF you’ve been here since gold rush!? this is so insane to me bcs i was pretty much mia in 2021 plus i was in my experimenting phase :| thank you so much for being here all these time !! 😭😭😭💗 i’m so happy we were able to connect through music <3 my favorite form of art <3

and i reallyyyy wish i can do a long fic but i have such a horrible attention span and committment issues lmao 😭 once i get annoyed or bored i immediately detach myself from something it’s a big problem </3 but thank you for your interest i can’t believe you would want to read an entire novel from me 🥹🥹🥹

I am in LOVE with ur writing style you are able to capture the smallest details without dragging a story or make it boring you truly can bring stuff to life !!

oh i’m gonna cry 🥲 i love you so much you have no idea how much i needed to hear this! i’m always insecure about being too much or too little with my writing so this is so comforting 🫂🫂🫂

and omg don’t be sorry i love this energy 🥹 !! i sometimes receive asks from ppl that seem to forget that there’s a real person running this account and that makes me feel dispirited so you’re such a breath of fresh air <3 thank you beloved for being so sweet and kind and reading my works it means the world to me 🤍🤍🤍

[dannysblondestreaks]

Cherries and cigarettes

A walk in the park with your best friend Sam while eating cherry ice cream as he rambled on about his day. Nothing could prepare you for the words he spoke but meant it all.

SamXReader

Requested

Fluff.

Requests are open!!!

In normal form I got a song with this cause why not.

The park was best at the evening. Nobody was there to turn heads at the boy you walked with. It gave you and him time to just relax. No album due dates ahead. Just the stars you,him and cherry ice cream. Along with a traditional cigarette YALL shared. But for once. It felt like you weren’t daiting a famous person and he wasn’t a well known bassist.

The flowers seemed to bloom as you two walked down the trail. Sam couldn’t take his eyes off you. Something about this night felt different. The way your eyes shined under the dim street light or when the sunset hit your hair the streaks of copper glowed. He wondered what he done to meet a angel like you. A giggle broke him from his thoughts as you ran up to him with a small pink flower. That moment nothing could stop the pull his heart did just by looking at you.

You stood there for a minute looking at him. His grey brown eyes looked into yours. You could tell what he was thinking yet you couldn’t think of anything at all. Then you reached over on your top toes and put the flower in his hair. “A pretty flower for a pretty person!” You smiled. You’ve liked him for a long time. To scared what would happen you kept quiet. But that never stopped the two of you from occasionally flirting. Poor waitress probably thought you two were a old married couple. The giggle that came out of him as he smiled at your cuteness was something that got to you. “You’re adorable!” He laughed as he put some of your hair behind your ear. And there it started again the slamming of your heart.

The night grew dark and the ice cream melted but finished off you two sat on a park bench talking about life “ I’m sure whoever you get with is gonna love you Sam!” You smiled at the boy his features grew soft then expressionless. “ what if I already love someone Y/N?” There it was the I like you but moment. You grown familiar with it but hearing it from him kinda hurt. “I see” you nodded flicking the cigarette and taking a long drag and got off the bench. And began to walk again.

Sam didn’t know what he had said. He just watched you walk away before it clicked. “WAIT” he began to run towards you his hair bouncing with each step. “You.YOU. I can’t explain when. But it’s you. Don’t for one moment think it’s anyone else. This whole tour has been a shit show cause I can’t find you in a crowd. I can’t go back to the hotel and drink and watch a shitty movie with you. You’re my person. I would never trade you for the world.” His eyes welled up and his cheeks burned as his hair railed on his ribs.

You looked at him in complete shock. You heard the man you’ve loved for so long confess. The man you forced to watch the shining with even though he hated it. The man who fought you to play piano while ig was raining. Who called you at the asscrack of dawn to wake you up for no reason. He told you, you were his. Without thinking you slammed yourself against his chest and started crying. They weren’t sad tears. They were happy.

You looked up at him with tears to be met by his own” hey. We can’t cry!” You giggled wiping his. “I’m sorry I was scared you’d react badly” he sniffed and smiled. “I don’t want to hurt you.” For a moment you realized it’s you and Sam. Not you and a rock star. You laughed and leaned close to his face. He closed the gap with a soft kiss. For once you were reminded status or not. You two are real people and nothing can stop things in life.

[forever--rain]

*hops up and down excitedly* EVER I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ON HERE RN BUT FHDJKSFHA I CAME OUT OF MY CAVE TO SAY SUKKA PLAYLIST!!! DO IT DO IT DO IT I THINK WE ONLY HAVE ONE? ON SPOTIFY WHICH IS A TRAVESTY MAKE ONE PLEASE

BLUE, YOU ARE LITERALLY MY FAVORITE PERSON IN THIS FANDOM. YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL BRAIN. I'M NEVER GOING TO GET OVER THIS ASK.

Footage of me creating this playlist:

Look. You guys know that I love Zutara. But I don't think you all realize that I love Sukka just as much. Their love is so pure and their vibe as a couple is just... *sigh* 💙💚💙💚💙💚 So putting together this playlist was so much fun. I'll put all explanations of songs below the cut because this reply is already long without what comes next (but you should read them because you'll get the full effect of this playlist).

All The Small Things by blink-182

Cross Me (feat. Chance the Rapper & PnB Rock) by Ed Sheeran

I Think He Knows by Taylor Swift

I Like Me Better (Spotify Studios Version) by Lauv

Ho Hey by The Lumineers

Jackie and Wilson by Hozier

Passenger Seat by Death Cab For Cutie

Stand By Me by Florence + The Machine

The Bones - with Hozier by Maren Morris

Yours - Wedding Edition by Russell Dickerson

Send me a playlist title and I’ll give you 5-10 songs I think would go on it!

All The Small Things

She left me roses by the stairs/Surprises let me know she cares

First of all, Suki would. Second of all, I firmly believe that Sokka and Suki would constantly be doing little things to show each other that they care. Sokka would send Suki his drawings and things he's carved for her. Suki would send Sokka little gadgets and pick up fun little accessories for him at the market. They'd leave out snacks for one another. And they would always, always be there to support one another 100% of the time.

Cross Me

Just know, if you cross her, then you cross me

"WHERE. IS. SUKI?"

I rest my case.

I Think He Knows

He's so obsessed with me, and boy I understand/Boy I understand

I love this song for Sokka and Suki because we all know that Sokka throws off major "THAT'S MY WIFE" vibes in regard to Suki. As he should. But if you think that badass, super cool Suki isn't also low-key super into Sokka in the same way you are wrong. She's the type of girl to totally get why he's into her. (Why wouldn't he be? DUH.) But she would also 100% be like, "Check out this hot, goofy genius! HE'S MINE. I LANDED HIM! THAT'S MY HUSBAND!!"

I Like Me Better

To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me//Damn, I like me better when I'm with you

I picked this song because of the influence Suki had on Sokka's character. Their interactions on Kyoshi Island really did change him for the better. Sokka spent so much of the series lost and feeling as though he didn't belong, but Suki brought out the best in him and helped his character evolve. He saw her, this incredible warrior with a heart of gold who wouldn't take his misogynist crap, and started working to be a better person. And I think we can all agree it was awesome to see him come into his own as a strategist and warrior. A large part of that is thanks to Suki. And Sokka would acknowledge that.

Ho Hey

I belong with you, you belong with me/You're my sweetheart

I don't think this choice needs much of an explanation. Just... They belong together, you guys.

Jackie and Wilson

She blows outta nowhere, roman candle of the wild/Laughing away through my feeble disguise/No other version of me I would rather be tonight/And, Lord, she found me just in time//She's gonna save me/Call me "baby"/Run her hands through my hair

Again, I'd like to point back to Sokka and Suki's first meeting. She comes out of nowhere, sees right through him, and it's thanks to her that Sokka changes his views on women (it takes time, of course, and loss, but he gets there). Also, the loss that Sokka experiences with Yue clearly affects his relationship with Suki in Book 2. He has to learn to be comfortable with the fact that Suki can save herself as well as him. And by the time Book 3 rolls around, we see them working together as a seamless team. He knows she has his back and she knows he has hers.

Passenger Seat

When you feel embarrassed/Then I'll be your pride/When you need directions/Then I'll be the guide/For all time

Oh, this song is so subtly Sukka. I hear these specific lines and think of Toph and Aang laughing at Sokka's Suki sand sculpture and Suki being proud of the fact that he even tried. I think of them being each other's compass, guiding light, and level head in stressful situations. They are so steady for and so true to one another. And I'm not crying, you're crying.

Stand By Me

If the sky that we look upon/Should tumble and fall/Or the mountains should crumble to the sea/I won't cry, I won't cry/No, I won't shed a tear/Just as long as you stand, stand by me

I chose this song because of how Sokka and Suki make one another stronger. They bolster each other. They face down certain death in the knowledge that their partner has their back and that's a beautiful thing. (Also, Florence Welch's voice on this track is incredibly emotive and intensifies the Sukka feels.)

The Bones

When there ain't a crack in the foundation/Baby, I know any storm we're facing/Will blow right over while we stay put/The house don't fall when the bones are good

This is my quintessential Sukka song. I always think of them older, maybe ten years after the war, when I hear this song. The two of them are as unshakeable as they've ever been. Was their first meeting great? No. But they grew together and formed something solid and real. I'm not one to advocate for childhood sweethearts or high school sweethearts (which is what they would've been in a "normal" storyline), but my god. These two would've been the teenage sweethearts who made it. They'd still be super into one another at 85 and just as in love as they'd ever been. If they had trials, they would've only pulled through stronger. These are two people who are capable of seeing past first impressions and loving one another for their true selves and... UGH. I LOVE them, okay?

Yours

I was one in a hundred billion/A burned out star in a galaxy/Just lost in the sky, wonderin' why/Everyone else shines out but me//But I came to life when I first kissed you/The best me has his arms around you/You make me better than I was before/Thank God I'm yours

Sokka said it himself: Compared to the others in the group, he didn't feel special because they could all bend and he couldn't. He lost his boomerang and had an identity crisis. That's the boy Suki met on Kyoshi Island--the boy who felt inferior to his little sister and to the Avatar; the boy who had to put on a false facade of bravado because he was scared... The boy who thought that it was a man's job to be the protector. The boy who thought a girl couldn't kick his ass purely because she was a girl.

Our girl ignited that change in him. Sokka knows full well what Suki's influence has done for him and he adores her for it. He's grateful for her impact on his life and he's obviously blown away by the fact that she loves him. You can tell it's the kind of relationship where he realized that if he was going to be worthy of her, he needed to prove it to her because she knew her worth. She wouldn't settle for a guy who thought she was inferior to him--she wanted someone who would see her as an equal. By the end of the series, she's his partner in every respect. He proves to her that he trusts her to have his back, that he trusts her judgement, that he trusts her in general.

Sokka knows that he's the best version of himself with Suki. He would 100% spend the rest of his life in awe of the fact that she loves him and that he's landed this miracle of a woman who has always seen him as an equal--even when he didn't feel equal to anyone else because he couldn't bend.

[viltrumitesuperboy]

Like Real People Do (Eleventh Doctor x Reader)

Gender neutral. Somewhat inspired by Like Real People Do by Hozier, aka immortal pagan god. The reader dies when they first meet the Doctor, and he seeks them out afterwards. Haha River Song who?

Word count: 2000 (I edited so it would be perfect, that’s right i’m a Writer™)

The Doctor stared at the psychic paper in his hands, the words "HELP, DOCTOR" and coordinates neatly displayed on it. Whoever left him this message had abilities, ones he didn't know about. He didn't like not knowing. So he navigated his TARDIS out of the time vortex to those coordinates and swung open the door to a blaring alarm with a few people panicking in front of him.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor! What seems to be the trouble?" he introduced himself cheerily.

"Doctor! Good, you're finally here. I would kiss you, but rules. Can't do that when we're in danger."

He turned to look at you, completely confused. You were dressed as if you were blending in with the ship's crew. You had clearly established yourself as the leader of the group because they looked at you like you would save them. It was the same way everyone desperately looked to him for answers in any of his life-threatening adventures.

"There is an attack on this ship, and every few minutes the other ship is firing at us. It's leaving holes and breaking the shields. There's not enough power to get them back up completely. I've only put them where they've broken the ship so that we don't lose oxygen. Like patching a hole in your pants but they just keep ripping somewhere else. Don't give me that confused look. Keep up."

"Sorry, ah... who are you?" he asked, following you as you led the group out of the area.

"Seriously? Time travellers. Forget that kissing thing. Anyway, no time to lose. We're going to try and communicate with the other ship because that's what you would do."

"Did you send the message on my paper?"

"Yes, of course. Like I said, keep up."

The other members of the group were questioning both the new person and the current leader of their group, and the Doctor went over a plan of what to say. You all moved forward into a narrow hallway, the Doctor following right behind you. Just then, a loud crack sounded as a shot landed right in front of you, and you cried out as the Doctor tried to grab your hand.

"No!" he shouted.

He wasn't close enough, and you were pulled out of the ship and into empty space against his will. He spotted a pad across the hallway and used his sonic screwdriver on it, bringing the shields back up where you had flown out. The hole was replaced by a dark film that covered the damaged area. It was a small blessing that he didn't have to see someone dying again.

"Who was that?" he demanded.

"We only just met-" began one of the group members.

"A name!"

"(Y/N) (L/N)," said a teenager standing in the back of the group.

"We can't mourn. Let's go."

As usual, the Doctor was able to fix the situation. He made a compromise with the other ship, led the ship with his TARDIS to the closest planet, and gave comfort to those who needed it most with his hundreds of years of wisdom. As he stepped back onto the TARDIS, he felt as though he had lost something. Well, he did. Another person's life. He searched for your name everywhere until he found you. A younger you. He didn't think you were human, but as you went about your every day life, you were blending in with the humans. You weren't wearing the clothing that blended you into the crew, and he liked your personal style. As usual, trouble came along and he was pulling you out of danger just in time.

"Hi, I'm the Doctor. Run!"

You followed him and didn't question him once. And when you followed him into the TARDIS after the threat was gone, you didn't ask about it. He knew you'd make one hell of a companion.

"Time Lord technology. Infinite space in an object," you mumbled, more to yourself.

"You... yes. And you're an empath with a telepathic field, according to the TARDIS's scans," the Doctor responded, and you nodded. "Lonely."

"One of the last of my kind. And so are you," you responded.

There was an understanding between the two of you that seemed to pass. You asked nothing about him, and he asked nothing of you. He didn't know much about your past, just the present you and what you were like. He decided you were one of the most beautiful mysteries in the universe. And for once, the Doctor didn't mind not knowing.

You traveled with him for a long time. He sometimes brought along his best friend Amy Pond and her boyfriend Rory. They became your friends as well. The Doctor would sometimes look at you with pain in his eyes, and Amy would notice. Whenever she asked what was wrong, he would instantly smile and brush it off. It was difficult for him to tell her that he was in love with a person who he already knew would die.

He taught you how to fly the TARDIS. Your smile that day seemed to brighten the room. It was either that or the ship felt the same way that he did about how wonderful your presence was. Your first idea was to bring him to a peaceful planet inhabited by only animals.

"I came here many years before I reached Earth. It's quiet and few know about it," you said.

You pulled him to a small hill to observe the field of flowers and small mammals running about in the grass. You sat down and plucked at the grass beside you.

"One of the few planets that hasn't been destroyed by another civilisation," the Doctor said.

"Oh, no, it does. In the future. Endings bring beginnings. I just liked coming here before that because I was around when other aliens started moving onto this planet. Good for us, you have a time machine, and we can come back here as many times as we want as long as our timelines aren't interfering."

He snorted and placed his hand on top of one of yours, moving it to his lap. He pressed his lips into your palm, and you gave him a small grin as he looked into your eyes. He didn't return it.

"I won't ask, but you always look so sad, Doctor. I wish I could help you."

"You look sad a lot of the time, too," the Doctor accused, "but I'm old. I'm allowed to be sad."

"I'm not as old as you, but I'm also not human. My lifespan could exceed yours and neither of us would know."

He smiled as you laughed, pressing his lips to your hand and keeping it there. Then he told you that he loved you for the first time. He giggled when you returned it, as he usually did when he was excited. There, on that field, he kissed you for the first time. And he realised what a curse it was to love someone dying.

You stayed with him even when he lost Amy and Rory. He let himself feel the pain of losing a companion for once and decided to retire. You joined him, of course. It seemed that he was experiencing many firsts with you around. You joined him as he found his Impossible Girl, who ended up becoming your Impossible Girl. This only became an issue when Clara stepped foot in the TARDIS after a few days of your own adventures, and you both shouted "Impossible Girl" at the same time. You coined her "our Impossible Girl" and the Doctor proceeded to be very mushy and soft with you, to which Clara pretended to gag and walked out of the blue box.

He never took you for granted, as you never did him. Every moment he could, he told you that you were the best thing to ever happen to him. Once in a while, when he was feeling particularly anxious after an adventure, he would face you and put his hands on your cheeks and give you a few words of love. You knew he was afraid of losing you, and you would return his worries with a squeeze of a hand or a kiss.

A day came when you told him you had some business. You entered some information into the TARDIS console and showed it to him.

"We've traveled a lot and I promised some of the people we've met some things. You can just drop me off, pick me back up when I call you," you said.

When he went quiet for a moment after checking the monitor, you started to step towards him. He looked back up to you with a grin on his face and ran around the console, slamming buttons, pulling levers, and sliding around on his boots.

"You need shoes with better traction. I love you, and I'll call you in a bit, okay?"

"(Y/N). My (Y/N)," the Doctor said, his hands now holding the sides of your neck in a gentle caress. "The best thing that has ever happened to me in all the universes. You are the best companion any Time Lord could want, and the best lover any being could ask for. I love you with your strengths and your flaws. I love you more than I could ever imagine. You finish that business, and you do it well."

"Hm. This is hardly the longest I've left you. We had a whole Earth month when I had to be there for a bit. I love you."

"I love you," he whispered back.

He pulled you into an embrace, which you returned automatically. He kissed you and you chuckled, taking the steps out of the TARDIS that would mark your final exit. This was a walk towards your death.

You, with your intelligence. You, with your empathy, no matter how well you showed it. You, with your timer ticking down. You, with both the Doctor's hearts. You, taking the Doctor's love with you.

It would only be a few days for you now, he knew. He put the TARDIS into the time vortex. The love of his life, gone within minutes upon meeting him and dying while trying to save other people. It was a death worthy of a companion and worthy to be his own. He remembered the room you shared. Bunk beds. You hated him for it.

"Doctor, we've been together for hundreds of years! Can you please, for the love of all the universe, tell the TARDIS to change it?"

"You're the empath. You talk to her."

"You're my lover, and she's your ship! Fix it!"

A bit of fiddling with the console redesigned the room. No bunk bed. Of course, you never really minded that much. You knew how much he enjoyed the human invention of a bed with a ladder. He could only laugh sadly, but it was much too early for him to be shedding tears. Perhaps he never would. He hurt and loved all at the same time. He knew the risks he took when he found you all those years ago, and he took them anyway. He never could resist a mystery, and you were his favourite one. He set his course for the first peaceful planet you brought him to, just one last time.

He pulled out the psychic paper. You began and ended your journey with him in just minutes, and began it again when he went back for you all because of the paper. His brows furrowed when he noticed that it wasn't blank like it should have been.

"HELP, DOCTOR"

Coordinates. Just a fraction of a number's difference compared to the first time he saw the same message. An empath with a telepathic field.

This was your call.

"Oh, you're brilliant. You are amazing."

He changed his course, the last lever pulled with the one word that he always used in a time of need.

"Geronimo!"

[longeyelashedtragedy]

this has been the most wild fuckin year so let’s do a Year in Review shall we

in terms of internet and fandom life, that is. my real life has been atrociously boring but who cares about real life amirite folx

january probably the only calm month of the year.  i spent the first day of the month watching the brazilian inauguration in burgos, spain with one headphone in, while ordering for my family in a restaurant where nobody spoke english (my sister speaks decent spanish, but my whole family has like 8194814 food restrictions so it kind of went past her level of ability). translating between spanish and english with portuguese in one year was kind of awesome. i watched bodyguard and it was amazing!  what else...in january i briefly owned the issue of spanish GQ with Luka on the cover which i then forgot about until november. other than that...? nada.  the calm before the storm. (fav music)

february was so long ago that i keep forgetting how insane its 28 days were.  probably the wildest month of the year really. i got involved in an absolutely batshit and exclusive group chat with a famous person’s family member (which must remain confidential). it was all sunshine and rainbows for a week and a half and it then devolved into the most absolutely insane Lord of the Flies situation ever--it turned into 1 main chat and then 1 chat that was less puritanical than the main chat, and that chat spawned another chat that didn’t trust the previous chat, and then that chat had a massive argument and a like 6-person bitchy chat modded by a gay guy who does voodoo (shoutout to ALCIDES) spawned from that one.  i made it into every level of group chat and was asked by the tiny bitchy chat to spy on the other bitchy chat (i did not lol). i was a member of the tiny bitchy chat until i got a new phone and was logged out of whatsapp for like a month.  these words can’t even convey what this chat was like--oh and did i mention it was all conducted in only my 3rd-best language? it’s no wonder my weird ass survived middle school almost entirely unscathed.  as this was winding down, on the very last day of the month, I found out about Justin’s involvement in the SNC-Lavalin scandal and decided to go public about my years-long boner for him; Lavscam definitely changed the course of the rest year ~ Oh, also i began helping to repair a friendship that had had some Drama go down so that was p cool ~ (fav music)

march was a Time. The insanity of lavscam helped me finally finish the macdeau I started writing the previous December when a bunch of tungelr people called me disgusting for writing it.  i wrote my first straight-up serious explicit porn in years which has wound up being the third-longest thing i’ve ever published on ao3. Also, Hozier released Wasteland, Baby! which made a huge impact on me as well.  i spent like half of march staying up till 3:30 am writing said Long Fic, and i was firmly in the closet about stanning manu. also justin almost got a vote of no confidence or something and he got busted for eating a chocolate bar during a parliamentary all-nighter.  (fav music)

in april i wrote a ton of fanfic thanks to declining mental health(tm).  i think this is when i started my emmanuyell insta account and became really into making weird edits (which i still love doing just...don’t anymore.)  i started meeting some cool people thanks to macdeau.  what else happened in april? i feel like it wasn’t actually too eventful other than writing a lot of fanfic and being Annoyed about manu.  feel free to jog my memory lol.  oh i think i wrote “Okay so who from the French national team are we gonna ship Manu with” on twitter after seeing photos of manu + antoine griezmann at the World Cup but nothing came of that...at that time... (fav music)

may saw me having to deal with my shit mental health and up my meds but that seems to have had a good effect because i seem to not be too depressed to write in the winter/fall anymore! it was the 2nd anniversary of manu’s election and at the Christchurch Call in paris, macdeau took that amazing fairytale princess photo together that was completely unrivalled in Gay Shippy Feels moments until ivan went out of his way to kiss luka during the el clásico gameplay last wednesday. someone wrote ao3′s first griezmanu drabble and at the end manu gets down on his knees in front of antoine, takes off his shoes for him, and sucks his dick, and i achieved another state of being entirely.  my sister graduated from grad school and when we went down to DC for the weekend i went to eat at this restaurant manu famously ate at while there and ordered the same stuff he did and i have no idea how he consumed all that grease.  i learned about the song O Come, O Come, Emmanuel *snort*. i feel like other things happened in may too?  OH YES--i got the idea for my magnum opus, Trophy Boyfriend, and started to write it. the first scene i wrote was justin blowing manu in the hallway. then the same day i wrote the scene at the airport (which was the ending for a solid month and half till i realized it shouldn’t be), and the saddest scene in the fic--but we’ll stop to open presents.  oh! and i stumbled across the macronists discord chat which is such a delightful little community *weepy sniffles* (fav music)

june was Eventful.  a french neonazi on tumblr told me to go let manu fuck me in the ass because i was a fucking degenerate.  what a start!  then came the ceremony in which manu awarded everyone on the french national team the legion of honor medal and the way he and antoine looked at each other was truly...Wait it was the 3rd Gay Shippy Feels moment of the year.  as soon as the ceremony was over i wrote a fic about it and haven’t looked back.  between this + watching almost every 2018 World Cup game and the women’s world cup (during which I cried during argentina’s last game because of that miraculous penalty) i finally achieved my years-long goal of getting into Futbol(TM).  Antoine dropped his spotify playlist and my crush on him turned into Intense Love (TM) and also he introduced me to some legit awesome artists.  which led to (fav music)

july, in which i wrote “ça c’est ma dope” which is definitely the best thing i’ve written since i wrote “modernity towering in front of the sky” almost exactly 10 years before. got embroiled in Soccer Transfer Drama and learned its pain for the first time (unfortunately, since i wound up attaching my heart-wagon to barça’s Suddenly Least Favorite Player, the transfer drama pain has...never ended) became a full-fledged culé, O the joy O the honor.  i wanted to ship antoine with someone on the team, which in their current chemistry-less season is a real challenge, but after seeing a few photos i decided it would be fun to casually ship antoine + ivan rakitic (partially because, ever since i went from Enemies to Lovers with the croatia NT during the World Cup, he was one of the only players i knew anything about other than messi, suárez, and piqué lmao). while looking on ao3 to see what kind of headcanons people had about him--and the fic is definitely in general better than what’s out there about antoine, which is perplexing because antoine is much easier to write than ivan--i found That Amazing Rakidric Fic and thought “oh wait that ship makes a lot of sense” and started also shipping ivan and luka with the fire of a thousand suns.  oh and my air conditioner was broken for like 3 weeks. i worked on more fics, seriously outlining the path of Trophy Boyfriend, and my music taste was killer. (fav music)

in august i finished Trophy Boyfriend in my neighborhood Starbucks after writing the scene that was giving me the most trouble (the scene at the beginning where they’re organizing their book collection). the fic has made multiple people cry and people disagree on whether justin’s choice at the end was the right one and god i’m so proud of it.  Instantly went on to write ‘i might not mind,’ a lively lighthearted Friends to Lovers ivantoine~ romp which was definitely going to be a one-off and i was definitely not going to get an extra celeb crush out of it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, (fav music)

in september ivantoine became A Thing in my mind and it’s a whole ongoing slow-burn character-arcy series that has taken a very different turn than i had expected. i’m not saying it’s like, the most deep writing of all time, but it’s gone to some interesting places emotionally. honestly, ships and boners aside, the concept of a person who made some really stupid homophobia 101 comments many years ago slowly realizing over and over again that they have gay feelings for a man who seems rather comfortable with gayness is a fascinating one and one that’s really cool to explore in writing.  Or at least, i think so.  in many ways ivan is my most unreliable narrator because of the many layers of Discomfort, Emotion and Repression at play in the fic while he’s interacting with this pretty cheery and uncomplicated seeming-dude who’s still perceptive enough to sort of know what’s going on (and that’s not even adding in the star player/falling from grace former rockstar dynamic!!!)  i know in the current climate it’s Not Allowed to write about someone who said a bad, but luckily i’m too old to give a Fuck. ivantoine is hard to write but it’s my bff’s favorite ship of mine and has a few other excited fans on ao3 which tbh is kind of an accomplishment considering i made it up out of thin air and it’s not something you’d ever think would be a thing. instantly also developed ‘getting called out about ivan by a child on the internet’ as a goal.  and...i achieved my dream of leading high holiday services!!! (fav music)

october had more high holiday services and i worked a lot on certain fics (including d*janfic which would be fun to finish). i came up with the idea of a Very Long Rakidric Fic based on the translation of a gorgeous croatian folk song i sang in college (Janko fell asleep under the poplar/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me/Under the poplar's golden branch/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me/I tore off the golden branch/My dear and beloved/My beautiful dark eyes/Look at me--in which the golden branch is a reference to a way to get into the underworld). decided to start quarter-assedly learning croatian for fun.  Fun...ha.  other than fangirling a lot and watching the croatian NT play, october was pretty uneventful? i think? Justin got reelected and mauricio didn’t ;( (fav music)

in november i finally achieved my dream of having a literal child on the internet call me out about being attracted to a homophobe.  (they were a madridista even!) accidentally started writing some more rakidric and now i’m seriously hooked.  also accidentally came out of the closet about the secret crush i’d been harboring on luka modric and then one fateful day in the ihop on 14th st i realized i’d had this crush already and repressed it from my memory. Don’t do that kids! now it’s Hurting Really Bad. Ivan dropped the most pathetic and candid interview like...ever and i hope “¿Cómo puede disfrutar uno? Jugando al fútbol. ¿Cómo se siente mi hija pequeña cuando le quitan un juguete? Triste. Yo me siento igual. Me han quitado la pelota, me siento triste” goes down in the history of most epic futbol quotes of all time.  (still haven’t actually been able to watch this because no one has uploaded it anywhere)  What else...............Am i forgetting anything? i celebrated my birthday with @tender-vittles in epic fashion after two years of Not doing that, and turned 32 going on 15.  enjoyed my first-ever “x reader” fic (zlatko dalic x reader LOL) and finished “drive your plow over the bones of the dead” which was real fucking good. i saw hozier live and it was a religious experience and i unexpectedly cried during nina cried power and then called myself “Luka B” when ordering at the classy taco bell across the street after getting a glimpse of alexxx ryan in the flesh. (fav music)

now it’s december and my seasonal depression is a little worse than it’s been the past few years but i’m managing.  still shipping and writing and i just got called out about ivan again last week.  i’m 2 for 2 here!  el clásico was boring but also it was gay and my heart my heart my heart ! Anything could happen in the last 10 days of this year and honestly...I’m pretty sure I’m ready.

Most importantly this year, despite it being not that great in a lot of ways, I developed a lot more self confidence, made many important realizations, and became a lot more peaceful (despite how this post makes me sound) and wiser and less bitter and pessimistic.  And i became outspoken enough about antisemitism on the left to lose friends over it...3 for 3.  i can’t say i’m displeased with these developments.

Hasta 2020! <3

[glitteringconstellations]

Good Intentions (The Road to Hell) → the unofficial score for “Trouble’s Making Everything All Right” by @thisgirlhastales​

Two Paladins become two rough and tumble mercenaries, donning their leather coats and gun holsters, righting wrongs (while committing a few heists of their own), and fighting to get off this bleak, crime-filled planet. Also known as Lance and Keith’s Space Cowboy Adventures.

So ya girl made the beautiful mistake of catching up on Devil in the Eye before it was finished even though I TOLD myself I was gonna be strong and wait. So I’m back on my Trouble’s Making Everything All Right horse (pun intended) and bringing you a couple of new playlists. This playlist is comprised entirely of reader recommended tracks submitted to Mytay on her blog (which, if you’re not already following, I ask you WHY?!?!?). Mostly, this is for ease of browsing and for encouraging other readers to get back in the mood of the space cowboys. 

IT ALSO ENCOURAGED ME TO MAKE AN ENTIRELY NEW THEMES PLAYLIST FOR THE BACK HALF OF THE SERIES. Why? Because Glitter loves pain, apparently. You can find the new themes playlist that I came up with on the main playlist post here. Check out the orchestral scores I picked out for the previous installments in the series while you’re at it!

Full list of the tracks in the image above below the cut.

Series Themes: Reader Edition

go to war - nothing more

outlaw in ‘em - waylon

when fortune comes - darlingside

don’t follow - alice in chains 

starfire - caitlyn smith 

one less day (dying young) - rob thomas 

hellfire - barns courtney 

champion - barns courtney

hang ‘em high - nick nolan

broken halos - chris stapleton 

man or a monster - sam tinnesz ft. zayde wolf

like real people do - hozier

no more heroes - aviators

legendary - welshly arms

maybe sprout wings - the mountain goats

in the woods somewhere - hozier

force of nature - bea miller

renegades - x ambassadors

glory and gore - lorde

the other side - ruelle

[c-qcatwrites]

The Monster

Hello, everyone.

It’s been a while.

Ready for a fun, sudden genre change?

(Also, big thanks to @wtnvwritings for giving my brain when I wrote this originally some goddamn AMAZING images to latch onto and cackle ominously about.)

(EDIT: BIG THANKS to @alicesfracturedmirror for giving me the pet name headcanon, I was very silly to not remember to do this earlier, but I’m bad at remembering things anyway.)

Recommended Song Pairings:

Papers (Hades Finds Out) - Anaïs Mitchell (Hadestown)

NFWMB - Hozier

Like Real People Do (Live In America) - Hozier

Frank Castle was a monster.

There was no doubt of that.

He couldn’t die, there were murmurs, that’s proof enough, right?

He got up from a shot in the head and ordered someone to bring him to the only thing that mattered—home.

And when he couldn’t find that anymore?

He unleashed hell everywhere in the city he could touch.

Everyone was certain he was on that boat when it went down, that he hauled himself from the river, freezing.

Either that, or that the river swept him out to sea, and from there his chaos could only spread.

The Punisher. He was a monster. A kill count in the double, maybe even triple digits.

He got up from being beat half to death, his lungs cut by his ribs, from being shot, stabbed, choking on his own blood, and he was still not about to stop, not anytime soon.

He was a monster.

And there were stories that told of the strange shapes his blood would make on the ground if enough of it left him.

There were stories of a shadow that would bite if his enemies tried to run from him.

There were stories.

Because Frank Castle, after all, everyone knew, was just a man.

So then where was the monster?

You could feel something was wrong that night the second the spark in the air hit.

Less like a thunderstorm.

More like a Faraday cage.

Like if you stepped out of where you were safe, you would get hit.

But you needed to step out, because you knew what was happening.

You got out the first aid kit. You got out the blankets. You got out glasses of water, got out alcohol, got out everything you could need.

Everything you knew you would need.

Because you knew what was happening.

And knew that it was only getting worse by the second.

You sighed.

You sat down on the kitchen floor.

You closed your eyes.

You grit your teeth.

And you waited.

Slowly, slowly, slowly, you began seeing what was going on.

An ambush. A trap not spotted, not seen coming—or maybe it was seen coming, just thought it could be bested. You weren’t sure with Frank anymore.

But he was still standing.

And his heart was racing, pumping adrenaline through him, more blood seeping onto the ground, spreading out across the floor, and the stain he was stuck standing in, no longer looked like a stain. No longer looked random, looked normal.

There were gaps. There were patterns.

And he was lucky no one there knew to look at the blood on the ground.

You could feel your heart racing.

You could feel his pulse, your pulse, the pulse of the magic coming up from miles away.

You were scared, you were, but some ancient part of you had that urge to scream his name and cry locked away.

Underneath your skin, some part of you was human.

Some part of you loved and cared and lived.

But that part of you was becoming more and more gone, the more they shot at him, spilled his blood.

And the second the last part of that stain-that-wasn’t-a-stain beaded itself up, rolled along the ground, and sunk into place?

You took a deep breath and held it, because the cold shadow you sunk into made it feel like you couldn’t breathe.

In a flash of energy, every light in the warehouse flickered off.

No one could see anything.

But you could see them.

The lights flickered back on, and you heard a chorus of “JESUS CHRIST” just before a round of gunfire in your direction just passed through you.

Frank Castle was a man.

But the monster?

They hadn’t seen anything yet.

With a roar like an animal, you were on the closest one, no longer smoke and shadow, but too many limbs, too many mouths, and teeth, biting into him, ripping him to shreds even more than the gunfire trying to track you did.

You couldn’t tell if Frank was shooting anymore.

You couldn’t feel the bullets his enemies were aiming at you now because they lost sight of the man.

You didn’t care.

You just took a chunk out of the throat of the next one and flew across the room to the next—no, you didn’t fly, that’s too silent of a word, wouldn’t account for the sounds of a pack of animals running, howling, screaming for the kill.

You were tearing into the place, into its men, chaos incarnate as you spotted—tasted, really—the intention of the last man standing.

Frank was down.

This man had a gun pointed to his head.

That little human part of you had more in them than everything else you were made of had ever thought possible.

Because when they screamed “NO!”, it felt like the sky was falling, and the man flinched, covering his ears.

And that’s when you slammed into him, knocking him back against the wall with a roar.

You weren’t sure if you stopped screaming at any point as you pummeled this man with too many limbs, too many hits possible, eyes burning like stars, and you could see the fear in his eyes.

All he was was blood, blood and too much life still left.

But it struck you all too slowly that this was an empty room.

And you didn’t care about him, anymore.

He couldn’t hurt you anymore.

So you stepped back and let him slump to the floor.

Didn’t care about mercy. Just to protect the person you came here for.

You tried to become less smoke as you began to walk over to where Frank lay, tried to give yourself more substance, more of a shape, but you flared apart on instinct the second you heard the man’s voice.

“They say dogs remind people of their owner,” he panted, blood dripping from his open mouth. “Suppose that was proof enough.”

Some part of you was tempted to ask if he knew who was the dog.

Not tempted enough.

You turned back to him, but just when you were about to raise your hand and snap his neck with a power you hadn’t even needed to touch to take out everyone Frank hadn’t, a wheezed out, “Stop,” distracted you.

You turned towards where Frank lay, in the center of the pool of blood forming your summoning circle, his breath forced, labored.

You didn’t know what was wrong, but you could help him.

So you stopped.

You lowered your hand and hurried over, a silent question in your eyes, silent only because you couldn’t be scared, not with your mind, your powers buzzing like this.

Slowly, you shifted back into your human body, but you knew your eyes still glowed.

“Can I pick you up?” you asked.

He laughed at that, how strangely callous it sounded, and though the act itself should have at least got you to smile, your heart broke at the sound of it.

“You can if you can, but I’d suggest helping me stand up instead.”

You swallowed and nodded, lifting him up into a sitting position with his help, and then, slowly, carefully, your hand grabbing onto his belt as you helped him onto his feet.

You hadn’t even noticed he still had a pistol in his hand until, on the way to the exit, you turned him in the direction of where that last victim sat pathetically, barely able to lift his head from the mix of blood loss and exhaustion.

When you heard the gunshot, you couldn’t help the way you fragmented into smoke and tangible shadow, wrapping around Frank, eyes two glowing dots and a multitude of snarling mouths. You heard him easing you out of it, quiet murmurs, “Hey, hey, shh shh shh, it’s okay,” and felt his hand passing through the less tangible portions of you, those that weren’t holding him up, but you didn’t relax until you saw the final headshot where it wasn’t before.

Then slowly, slowly you coalesced back into your human form, still leaking shadow, still glowing red from your eyes, and still keyed up from the power of the summoning sigil as you got Frank into the passenger seat of his car and drove home.

Cleaning him up was less a matter of getting him actually clean, as much as it was a matter of making it so you had to clean your couch less the minute that part of you woke up again.

Until it did, you were simply careful, quiet hands, and eyes fading quietly away from the glowing red with each stitch you put in him, each gentle swipe of a washcloth to clean away blood.

It was only when you realized while pushing a glass of water into his hands, sitting on the floor by the couch, asking him to drink, that you were crying—only then did you feel like you had come back.

You shuddered, and swallowed back a sob threatening to tear itself up from your throat.

He took a small sip, at least, and set it down on the floor, wanting that hand, that one good hand, free so he could wipe away your tears, murmuring something quiet, something not quite intelligible from some mix of pure exhaustion and how much blood he had lost, but sounded suspiciously like, “Welcome back, bluebird.”

And that was enough to break you, to get your shaking hand grabbing onto his as you tried, somehow, to will that dulled part of you back, at least until he was okay, until he was asleep.

You hated this.

You couldn’t handle this, this wasn’t okay.

You needed to be able to help him, but he was the one trying to help you, trying to soothe your tears away, gentle hushing as, in spite of everything, you tried to push yourself closer to him.

This was what happened, every time he needed your help.

He would summon you, and you couldn’t feel a thing until the blood spilled from his veins had lost its form.

And then everything would hit you at once, like a freight train.

And you wished he didn’t feel like he had to help you through it.

Because here he was, only just safe of dying on your couch, and he was the one wanting to help you stop crying like a wreck.

But another sobbing breath forced itself out of your lungs, and it felt like the only thing that was keeping you from melting away into smoke was grabbing onto his forearm, letting him rub away tears from the one side of your face he could between laying down and being without the painless use of his other arm.

“You’re okay, bluebird. You’re okay. We’re okay.”

You couldn’t do much to listen to those assurances, just tried to breathe yourself through it.

He looked so tired, so sleepy. Bone deep and pond-surface thin, he needed sleep. He needed rest. You wanted to give it to him, even when you couldn’t breathe for too long without some spare tear slipping out.

But at least you looked better enough that some little curve hit the corner of his lips.

“There we go,” he muttered. “There we go.”

It wasn’t too long before you had your own voice back, too.

“You need to sleep, Frank. Are you in pain?”

“Not too bad. You need to rest, too, you—”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

He always looked taken by surprise when you say something like that after one of these bouts.

He blinked, dark eyes gentle, watching, but finally gave in.

“My arm is worst.”

“Can I fix it?”

“You need to sleep, you used enough of your energy just tonight.”

“I need to fix it,” you replied, firm, ignoring the tears threatening to spill from your eyes and the waver in your voice. “Please.”

He swallowed. “You need to sleep as part of the deal. You need to rest.”

“I know, just…,” you hesitated. “Let me stay with you.”

He nodded, after a moment.

And you leaned in and kissed him.

He woke up for a brief spell the next morning under the warmth of one of the blankets you had on the end of the couch, and with the pain in his arm was gone—in fact it was entirely fixed.

And you had moved the armchair closer and had bundled up in the rest of the blankets on it close enough to touch.

The deal was fulfilled.

And he felt okay enough to go back to sleep.

[xxx420swagatron69xxx]

30 Song Challenge

Im not doing 30 days of this so here it is all at once. Enjoy and message me if you actually listen to them, I wanna hear how people like this music,

https://open.spotify.com/user/brunotech69/playlist/5qZfg7ML5vJHF5fR6uuXgE?si=RaUsUp5zQEWksu3WElLhlg

(Two youtube only songs)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjENPPTzybQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=calHOKucYMw

 1.      Pacific Blue – Emily Zeck

a.      Lots of ocean analogys and a nice cute love song

2.      8teen – Khalid

 One of the grooviest songs on his amazing album.

3.      Old Friends – Pinegrove

 Summers are hella better for me stress-wise, but this song

4.      Past Lives – BORNS

  Its an amazing song and I hate how good it is. I listened to it over winter break after my gf at the time recommended it to me. Shame she was cheating on me the entire time.

5.      New Wave – Quinn XCII

  Found it recently and I can just imagine people in dance circles to this song

6.      Wasted – Tiesto

  It’s a popular song but I have small memories with friends of us belting this song out or dancing like idiots. It’s hard to miss a good time to just bounce up and down and scream this to whoever is listening

7.      Odd Look – Kavinsky/Weeknd

  VERY Sexual song but the bass slaps and it’s such a good road trip song when you are alone

8.      Doses & Mimosas – Cherub

   More than drugs and alcohol, this song talks about addiction and drowning your problems in substances. The second verse is my absolute favorite and the overall happy tone distracts from his cry for help. That’s why I like the song a lot.

9.      New Eyes – Cbdb

  I cant sing this with a frown. Very hopeful and just me complimenting the girl im with

10.  Like Real People Do – Hozier

  This song was shown to me by someone I still care a lot about at the right time where I needed to hear this. Its about being “saved” by someone but then worrying about why they were there looking. Mutual care and worrying about others doesn’t mean you aren’t worrying about yourself as well. This is one of three songs that will always get me sad and breathe heavy and wish things were better.

11.  Barcelona – George Ezra

  I spent a lot of my life abroad in Portugal, away from friends and ‘home’. This song deals with long distance and its George Ezra, so its just smooth to listen to

12.  Sarabande Suite (Aeternae) - Globus

   I did a lot of nerd shit and would listen to “epic” music while painting or building or video editing. This song has epic parts but has more nostalgic emphasis to me. I can see a trailer for some sci-fi movie being made out of this song.

13. Dancing in the moonlight – King Harvest

   Before itunes and spotify, my mom made a cd mixtape of good barbecue songs and this was on it. I used to hate it but its just so good now in hindsight and this is the best version so don’t @ me with other versions.

14.  Overwhelmed – Tim Mcmorris

  I made a movie for someone special using this song but it’s just so full of love. I want to feel safe with someone to this song or a slow dance without worrying about it being too gushy

15.  Golden Slumbers – Elbow (originally by Beatles)

  From a Christmas commercial but its very nice and I pet a corgi to this song once.

16.  TongueTied – Group love

 Everyone knows this song but its very feel good and so fun to yell in a car or group of people having drinks.

17.  Elephant Love Medley – Moulin Rouge

  Moulin Rouge is my fav musical and this duo is memorized forever in my head and all I need is a partner really. Also more people should see Moulin Rouge.

18.  Bombastic – Shaggy

  The best song I could find that came out in 1995

19.  Snow in Newark – Ryan Hemsworth

  Newark is a very grey, industrial city in New Jersey, but also where the airport is. If yall didn’t know, I grew up in NJ and when I left it for the last time ever (college), it was snowing in the Newark airport. This song deals with him living his touring life but just wanting to be back home to someone(?). NJ is nothing special but I left a lot of friends forever. Idk if I’ll ever see some of them again and it shouldn’t worry me as much as it does. ATL is so much more diverse and colorful and I’m not the same person I was when I left NJ, but that doesn’t stop me from sometimes wanting to be back.

20.  Goodnight, Travel Well – The Killers

 This was written for the loss of his grandma I think, but it’s a whole song that deals with loss and accepting that there is nothing else you can say or do now. There’s lots of things I wish I could take back, but now its best if I don’t reach out at all. It hurts but its for the best.

21.  Pierre – Ryn Weaver

   Beautiful voice, fun lyrics. Its about dating/sleeping around but mind is on one person and just like oof.

22.  Love – Kid Cudi

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjENPPTzybQ

 This song I cant find anywhere besides youtube because he never released it like an idiot. The chorus is the best I have ever heard and I

23.  Would You Go with Me – Josh Turner

  If I recommend a country song, and your immediate reaction is “oh I HATE country, it’s so DUMB. How COULD you enjoy it?” first of all fuck you and your Hamilton loving ass but if you want to listen to one (1) country song, this guy has an amazingly deep voice and I have a lot of good memories to this song and good lovey-dovey feels.

24.  Shots- LMFAO

  I loved LMFAO as a kid (like many people) and shots is just such a simple feel good song and if you say you never at one point enjoyed their music at a party, you are weak and lying.

25.  Waiting for the End – Linkin Park

a.      His suicide really punched me in the gut and I had to excuse myself from work to cry a bit. I always enjoyed the less scream-y Linkin Park songs and there are a lot of messages I hope people can relate to and get help for.

26.  I Belong to you – Ben Abraham

  Simple and sweet, he sings about knowing that one day he will fall in love. He knows he doesn’t have one now, but isn’t worried and is sure that there is someone out there he will meet one day. The whole idea of belonging to a bright future with someone is so nice and I can only for it myself

27.  Hero – Regina Spektor

  From the best scene in 500 Days of Summer, this song plays when the overly romantic guy gets drunk and falls into depression after seeing the girl he has been creepily doting on with someone else she didn’t tell him about. For me, its just when Regina spektor keeps saying “cheating cheating cheating” that gets me.

28.  Dog Problems or Oceans – The Format

 The Format (aka early version of Fun.) has some bangers and these two are my fav from the album Dog Problems. Dog problems is about being cheated on and Oceans is about wishing you were on the west coast to see your loved one again. I couldn’t choose one so theres both.

29.  Baby mine – Dumbo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=calHOKucYMw

  My mom would sing this to me and my brother sometimes at bedtime when we were really young. Things were so much simpler and mental illness wasn’t even a thing I was worried about. I have a shitty relationship with my family now, and I really wish I could make things better without sacrificing who I am in the process.

30.  Need – Pinegrove

   If I could find a song 100% about me, it is absolutely this song. It goes into mental struggles, “wanting” things that are necessary, getting stuck inside in your mind, and its all in a begging and pleading tone. I really really fucking wish I didn’t ‘need’ things like social interaction or affirmation or mutual sexual attraction. If you have to listen to one, definitely make it this one.

  message me if you give any a listen. thanks

[co-mm102]

#4: [robotic voice] mu-sic

So, you’ve heard of music that people sing over instrumentals in recording booths, you know: Queen, Taylor Swift, Hozier, the like. But have you ever heard of composers using softwares to sing for them? Imagine this: a composer sits at their desk, arranging the instruments they’re using for a song, writing lyrics at the side, and after hours and hours of editing, it’s time to have the vocals sing. After a cup of coffee, they sit back down on their desk, and instead of calling someone to sing for them or perhaps sing their own, they open a singing synthesizer that allows their lyrics to be sang with pre-recorded syllables: VOCALOID.

That’s it. No actual vocalist needed. Just your preferred Vocaloid voice bank, some fine tuning, and a beat. Vocaloid was created using voice samples from actual human voices, recording every syllable there is in the Japanese and English language for users to use to their satisfaction. Now, this all might sound foreign to anyone but perhaps you’ve heard some Vocaloid songs in your own time. Ever heard of Hatsune Miku, Vocaloid’s most famous voice bank? How about her rendition of the Polish song Ievan Polkka? Of course, one can’t forget her iconic ‘sekai de’ from Ryo’s hit song World Is Mine.

(image: Vocaloid Diva Hatsune Miku looks you in the eye.)

As a wandering, curious child scrounging the deep depth of the early internet, finding Vocaloid had been nothing short of a dream come true for me. Not only was I a child who regularly listened to Korean lyrics, I was also an avid watcher of Japanese animated shows. Mix it all together and you get, well, an anime girl who sings foreign lyrics! I was just about used to that. Cute lyrics, misleading videos, dark meanings, and hair to die for – Vocaloid had it all for little seven year old me. Now though, as a teenager-slash-adult, the one thing that draws me back in to Vocaloid every single year, without fail, is that all the content in Vocaloid is fan-made.

Let’s look at mainstream pop: a song is produced by either the artist themselves or through another producer, but it will ultimately be sung by the artist. Some add choreographies, some make their own, some hire choreographers. Eventually, the songs will be released through an album or a single, promoted by their recording agencies who release their songs on music platforms such as YouTube or Apple Music, or Spotify. Vocaloid challenges this whole process of of song production and distribution, simply because there is no one entity that produces Vocaloid songs. Everything released is made by fans: the instrumentals of the song, their videos or PVs, the promotion, the animation–all that is provided is a voice bank which producers will have to tune themselves through synthesizers for Vocaloids to sing their lyrics. 

Vocaloid is sustained by the Vocaloid community. If all Vocaloid users ceased to use Vocaloid, then Vocaloid would most likely cease to exist as well. Yet Vocaloid consumption is not stopping. Why? Well, that is because this is a profession for some. Some producers do shoot to fame. Some stay within the fandom. Some do not. Vocaloid can serve as a sort-of gateway for producers to be known in the Vocaloid community first, then branch out into other forms of music when they become famous enough. A prime example of this is Kenshi Yonezu, otherwise known as HACHI in Vocaloid circles, who created and sang the opening song for 2017′s hit anime My Hero Academia. Now, his songs are known and heard all over the world through the show, but before all that, he was first heard through Hatsune Miku in NicoNicoDouga (the Japanese YouTube).

Kenshi Yonezu was part of what the Vocaloid community liked to call their golden age, circa 2007-2011. This was around the time VOCALOID2 was released, following the success of the first Vocaloid engine. New voice banks were released: Hatsune Miku, Megurine Luka, Kagamine Rin and Len, GUMI, Gackpoid, just to name a few. This was also the time when many iconic songs came to bloom, songs like Meltdown, Just Be Friends, and World’s End Dancehall were released. However, some people (my one sister included) were reluctant to listen to these kinds of songs as many of them sounded... robotic. As VOCALOID2 is one of their earlier releases, its quality was reduced to its time. Many songs sounded clunky due to their syllabic nature, some were dripping with autotune, some played like a storyteller with an instrumental in the background. Yet, it cannot be denied that there were some strokes of genius within. Songs like The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku were sang at a speed which humans cannot recreate, to convey how Miku felt as self awareness dawned on her: this is her final song before she was deleted forever. The Night ∞ Series was sung in a musicalesque manner, with 8 voice banks singing in a four-part series to tell a recurring mystery. Due to its popularity, it was granted a three-part novel with fleshed out scenes and far more content than that of the videos. It was also granted a manga. 

Vocaloid’s most recent releases is its VOCALOID5, with its numerous improvements, such as functions of breathing, whispering and growling. Song production in the Vocaloid community have become more realistic: you can hear them breath in, take a gasp of air before singing a line, vocals thin out towards the end to mimic real vocals running out of breath, growls are used for maximum human effect. A particular favorite song of mine is a cover of the song Fairytale by cillia, which sounded so human to me that I had a hard time believing it was actually a Vocaloid singing it. In the end, it all boils down to preference. Some people are inclined to the iconic robotic Vocaloid songs, some producers still use that clunky style in tuning, but every song will still have that Vocaloid magic in every syllable uttered.

Now, remember Kenshi Yonezu? HACHI within the Vocaloid circles? Recently (or three years age, more like), he released a song: Sand Dune. Surprisingly, it was sang by Hatsune Miku, for a community he abruptly left high and dry on his songs. It tells a message of the Vocaloid community dying, of Miku wandering a sand planet with nothing but memories of fame and her loyal fans following her. He hinted that producers will always leave the community eventually, stolen up by talent searches to create music elsewhere. The song is a bop, but he couldn’t be more wrong. 

While Vocaloid isn’t at its greatest peak, with songs topping charts at NicoNicoDouga and booming every week or so, it is nowhere near the dwindling state he sings about. You’d be surprised at how many commercials Miku is in, at how animated, hologram figures tour around the world, selling out concert venues to play the songs their fans made. The Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra conducts an event called the Miku Symphony to perform Vocaloid songs annually. Prior to the pandemic, Hatsune Miku was supposed to perform at Coachella. Can you imagine that? Thousands of people possibly raving to the songs of a girl with sea-green hair, too wide eyes, and her lithe body when she eventually stage-dives into the crowd below and vanishes–oh wait, right, she’s not real. But she has been a growing phenomenon for the past decade, golden age past or not, this community will continue to thrive for as long as fans will allow it. Many see Hatsune Miku as an upcoming and sensational future pop icon but for the pop stars made by Vocaloid, produced by Vocaloid fans, the future has already come. 

[stellacarrierinheaven]

To My Heavenly Spiritual Ally Team Based in the Afterlife Journal Entry 17-Started Thursday May 25, 2017

I preface writing this journal by making it clear/transparent that I am an aspiring fiction writer/fantasy fiction writer who is writing under the blog section Stella Carrier In Heaven Freelance Fiction. This means that I am mixing in parts truth and parts fiction to help strengthen my creativity and to have something to look back at for my own progress both for present and years from now. I have to follow my intuition to refrain from explaining for now what is truth and what is fiction when it comes to writing this heaven freelance fiction journal entry as well as my other freestyle stories. However, I do show appreciation for both supporters and critics who look at my online writings for various reasons. For karmic and spiritual reasons, I had to make this clear out of necessity.

 Ghost by Ella Henderson

Glow by Ella Henderson

Drive by by Train

American Authors Best Day of My Life

Eye of the Tiger by Survivor

Take Me To Church Hozier

Heaven Is A Place on Earth by Belinda Carlisle

Look of Love by ABC

One Wish List For My Writing/Authorship and another for my Intuition

3 of my 14 books are listed for spiritual/celestial/karmic reasons

Intuition for Beginners: Easy Ways to Awaken Your Natural Abilities (For Beginners (Llewellyn's))

Diane Brandon

 Weight Loss: Law of Attraction: Lose Weight Fast With No Diet Tips and Tricks For Easy Weight Loss (weight loss tips, no diet weight loss, weight loss motivation) Kindle Edition

by Nathan Powers (Author)

 Prayers to the angels and the archangels Kindle Edition

by S Rob  (Author)

Synchronicity and the Other Side: Your Guide to Meaningful Connections with the Afterlife

Trish MacGregor, Rob MacGregor

 Money Meditation Manifestation!: The 7 Strategies That Manifest Money Fast! Kindle Edition

by Christopher Mitchell  (Author)

 http://scs.georgetown.edu/departments/51/master-of-professional-studies-in-applied-intelligence/industry-career-outlook

Master of Professional Studies in Applied Intelligence at Georgetown University

Bob Hope's Spaceship Home Fetches $13M

BY MELISSA ALLISON ON 16 NOV 2016

https://www.zillow.com/blog/bob-hopes-spaceship-home-208065/?utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=display&utm_campaign=dla_zillow2017_taboola_display_native_desktop&utm_content=predictive&dclid=CI3V1cjAitQCFZcKNwod1EUEBg

Photos: Inside the Obamas’ new house

January 5, 2017 11:33 a.m.

http://wtop.com/real-estate/2017/01/photos-inside-obamas-new-house/slide/1/?utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=referral

 I am discovering things about myself that are bringing me greater joy and wisdom in all areas of my life both present and future.

https://www.orindaben.com/pages/rooms/affirmations_room/

My psychic abilities expand each day.

I follow my life purpose as it unfolds from moment to moment. I choose my highest path each moment.

I ask my higher self and soul to show me answers and solutions.

My psychic abilities expand each day.

I am creating heaven on earth.

I know what I came to earth to do, and I am now doing it.

I focus steadily on my vision, higher purpose and goals, knowing that as I do, I create them.

I expand my channel to my guide and higher self.

My psychic and telepathic abilities are opening up.

I transcend all limitations. I live in a limitless world.

I am in the process of believing  it is possible to have what I want.

I Call Upon What I Imagine To Be The Influence of Benevolent Spirits From the Heavenly Realms, my higher self, and my celestial spirit ally team for creativity in both my writings and all other areas of my life both present and future

 Stella Carrier in Heaven Afterlife Journal Entry 17- Freestyle Story Thursday  May 25, 2017  Creating Heaven On Earth Freestyle Story by Stella Carrier

  To My Heavenly Spiritual Ally Team Based in the Afterlife Journal Entry 17-Started Thursday May 25, 2017

           I have much on my mind as I navigate the wisest and most fruitful actions to take when it comes to healing my career and money situation as it relates to being a temporary employee to where my contract only resumes after August 13. Of course, I would like to set myself up for receiving money year round as I have been able to do so before. I am in the process of wisely matching up what I want to do with what is for my husband and myself.  The only thing I do know for sure is that, regardless of how my employment and money situation play out, I must stay residing in the Washington D.C. area for the rest of the current year for reasons that are only going to make more sense to me intuitively weeks, months, and maybe even years down the road (which I trust to be within 10-11 years or less).

Yes, I lay on my couch in the apartment  that my husband and I live in while my husband is at work one day after putting in some efforts with applying to jobs that would help me garner year round employment. I do take full responsibility because I accepted my current job knowing it was temporary but I suppressed my emotions on how concerned I might feel about being in between money incomes during the summer time. Regardless of what my well-meaning critics think, I am not the type of woman to quit a job without another one lined up unless I am relocating outside of the area that I live in entirely. Yes, regardless of what others think, I am far from shy when it comes to being receptive to the possibility of moving to another state andor my dream location of the Hampton Roads Virginia area without another job lined up. However, I would still give an employer the proper minimum of at least a 2-3 week notice with increased awareness that the employer could tell me to leave work that same day. Yes, I am aware that an employer could fire andor lay off an employee on short notice at will for any reason that they like. However, I believe that with strong karma, and wisely following my intuition, I could eventually rebound and reinvent myself professionally regardless of if I am forced to leave or if I am allowed to stay as long as I like. With that out of the way, I sometimes take advantage of the free time by going back to sleep after my husband heads to work. Recently, I thought of my future as I usually do once I laid on the bed to go back to sleep after my husband left for work.

Seconds later, I am in colorful outerspace background similar to what I had recently seen in the Guardians of the Galaxy two film and I feel myself flying over to a planet that looks like a refined version of our earth. A female dressed up as Ella Henderson is closing singing the Ghost song and starts to sing the Glow song. I noticed a crowd of various people and spirits dressed in various anime costumes dancing along near the stage and close to a house that resembles a house featured from January 2017 titled the Inside the Obama’s New House.

I walk towards the living room and I noticed that there are three tables situated in the living room area. One table has a spirit resembling the lead singer of Train in his music video for Drive By complete with a table cloth that has images of a California winery. A line of people are waiting in line to grab a title of the book Synchronicity and the Other Side: Your Guide to Meaningful Connections with the Afterlife by Trish MacGregor and Rob MacGregor.

             The other table has what looks to be male and female spirits who all look to be in their 30s but I somehow figure out that they are recently departed earth spirits who left their earth lives in their 70s. A male spirit resembling the lead singer of Survivor in the Eye of the Tiger music video is giving out a copy of the following book to the male and female spirits waiting in line complete with a tablecloth with a Tiger image of the following book; Prayers to the angels and the archangels by S Rob.

         I am tempted to go to that table because I noticed that a spirit that resembles Alan Rickman is coming over to that table in order to help out the other male spirit to pass out the Prayers to the Angels and Archangels book. This is especially because I purchased the Prayers to the Angels and Archangels book on December 24, 2015, just a few weeks before myself and millions of other movie fans were surprised about Alan Rickman dying. I only wanted to approach with harm-free intent and to see if this was a male spirit simply disguised in costume as Alan Rickman or if the spirit was actually Alan Rickman.

         Before I could go to that table to fangirl over this particular spirit as I had seen both the male and female spirits doing I hear what sounds like a benevolent voice from a third female spirit who resembled Belinda Carlisle in her brilliant and classic music video Heaven is A Place on Earth (a gem of a song that I was first exposed to around the time I was seven years old). The female spirit tells me to just call her Alannah which I admit that I am trying to figure out what she is trying to tell me as she then plays the song Gods and Monsters by Lana Del Rey. I then intuitively get the message that this spirit Alannah is just trying to show me an aspect of who I am in a past lifetime.

         Alannah then compassionately tells me before I show you the books that my table represents I want you to pay attention to this paper that I am showing you. I saw Alannah hold up the paper to the following three songs to me; Miss Independent by Neyo, Most Girls by Pink, and Independent Women by Destiny’s Child. Right away, I intuitively understand that my higher self is gently nudging me to embody that type of woman talked about in those three songs by adjusting my career and money goals to help me achieve that reality, even if my well-meaning critics think I am reaching too high.

         Alannah’s table turns a bright purple as it reveals the following three books in front of me;

 Intuition for Beginners: Easy Ways to Awaken Your Natural Abilities (For Beginners (Llewellyn's))

Diane Brandon

 Weight Loss: Law of Attraction: Lose Weight Fast With No Diet Tips and Tricks For Easy Weight Loss (weight loss tips, no diet weight loss, weight loss motivation) Kindle Edition

by Nathan Powers (Author)

 Money Manifestation Meditation by Christopher Mitchell

           Alannah then explains to me that my career and second college degree dreams were placed inside of me for a reason and even though I am tempted to visit the other two tables, and especially to see if the male spirit resembling Alan Rickman is real that the three books she is showing  me are 3 of them that I must focus on right away. Before I could ask Alannah more questions she disappears and a male spirit resembling lead singer Hozier from Take Me to Church appears.

The male spirit tells me to just call him Jesse but he admits to me that he actually has a completely different name and physical appearance. Jesse explains that he has to avoid giving out his actual name and physical appearance for karmic reasons related to the fact that he is a helper to my main male spirit guide. Jesse explains that my main male spirit guide still keeps his true physical appearance hidden from me for harm-free reasons to help protect my marriage not just for my temptation but for his.

What Jesse means by this is that the whole idea of how men and women must conduct themselves in marriage is an earth concept and is completely different from what is allowed in the spirit realm. However, there has been a recent phenomena of many married people making under $40,000 dollars or less who have passed away sooner than what their earth contract stipulated after seeing the physical appearance of their spirit guides. Jesse reads my mind and explains what is concerning about is the fact that many people living on earth, myself included, promised both our allies and enemies that we would incarnate and be in their life both for their benefit and not just ours even when our critics/enemies would try to mess with our attempts to be there for their benefit as well.

Jesse further explains that he escorted the soul to a heavenly world over less than three hours before meeting me, a woman who is exactly my age and in my economic situation/marital situation who was allowed to see her main male spirit guide a year ago as part of an experiment they did but must not be explained to me. Anyhow, this particular female fell in love with her male spirit guide after unexpectedly seeing him during a major economic trauma during her sleep. Let’s just call this recently departed woman woman A.  Up until then, the male spirit guide was able to resist Woman A’s hidden magnetism because she was not able to use her imagination to fantasize about meeting him and actually succeeding in doing this as the power of imagination is even more potent in the spirit realms. However, Woman A’s hidden magnetism and imagination got even stronger when her military officer husband carried on an affair with a popular coworker at their jobs. Some of Woman A’s guardian angels tried to intervene by trying to influence some of Woman A’s female coworkers to warm their hearts to her to be her friend and hang out with her after work.

This almost worked where Woman A made some female friends at work, until one of her other popular coworkers who secretly had a crush on Woman A’s husband unknowingly brought Woman A’s husband and a coworker closer together by spreading rumors and gossiping about Woman A which made it trickier for her to land another job after being laid off. Woman A knew it was a waste of time to try to be more likable but she knew that it was also a waste of time to stop another woman from sleeping with her husband  until she herself (Woman A) found another job to try to strengthen her marriage. Woman A’s night time dreams increased during this time to the male spirit guide in her dream whose physical appearance she saw and she pretty much acted more aggressive and wild than she does in real life and pretty much forced herself on him. The male spirit guide was pretty much aggressive himself in his previous real-life incarnation on earth and so he reciprocated Woman A’s erotic feelings. However, the magic of that intimate union brought to manifested her suppressed desire to return to the happy life that Woman A had in heaven prior to her current earth based life and Woman A unexpectedly died in her sleep one day after her husband left for work. Stella, speaking as a helper to your spirit named Jess, You may be secretly asking what is so wrong with that especially if Woman A’s husband was popular at his job and had a work based mistress while Woman A could help her husband in other magical ways from heaven. Additionally, a strong argument could be made what else did Woman A have to contribute if she was not a golden sheep in her family and she was trying to increase the number of friends she had both at work and outside of work.

Well, Stella, as Jesse I will explain to you that Woman A left behind many supporters and allies, both in her work and personal life, who she promised before coming to her current life that she was going to help in direct andor indirect ways. Additionally, Woman A was contracted to relocate next year to another state within the U.S. where she would live there not just for the benefit of herself but for the benefit of both her allies and critics in both her personal and work life. Yes, Woman A and her male spirit guide are carrying on a romantic relationship as I speak this to you. However, now the supporters and critics that Woman A has promised to help have to wait longer than necessary to experience the benefits of the help she promised them than if Woman A would have stayed alive for at least six decades more (the length of life that she had left before she used the power of her imagination to seduce her male spirit guide that she found irresistible).

Last, but not tragically least, the mistress of Woman A’s husband did become pregnant and coworkers at the husband’s job showed their support with a baby shower. However, the mistress of Woman A’s husband realized that she actually was in love with another man that was around the same age as Woman A’s husband only after Woman A died. Woman A’s husband realized that he missed Woman A and even carried on a sexual affair that looked like Woman A but was not anything like Woman A personality wise. Now Woman A’s husband has to pay child support to two different children of two different woman that he is no longer with and have gone on to marry other men. Woman A actually had in her life contract to help her husband pay child support to the first child had she stayed alive because she was meant to go on to make at least 50,000 a year after taxes. However, due to Woman A being dead, Woman A’s former husband had little choice but to ask his mother for help paying child support. Now, Stella you of all people know that it is not fair for the mother in law to have to do that. It was actually meant for Woman A to stick around and live to help her husband pay child support to the child of the mistress who had his baby. Additionally, Woman A was actually meant to go on to make enough money to repay her mother in law back at least 30,000 dollars after taxes of today’s money plus a nice paid for vacation to Europe.

If Woman A was still alive today, she actually would have went on to make more money even in a long distance marriage and improve her marriage to her husband as the challenges in their marriage was actually not related to the spending that critics would think but rather the situation of Woman A’s husband being the sold breadwinner when it is actually in Woman A’s destiny to be a financial provider and be a career woman her whole life (well was anyhow before Woman A activated her suppressed desire to return to life as she knew it in heaven before her previous life after experience the power of what happened when she succeeded in having her way with her main spirit guide).

 I ask Jesse what all of this has to do with me and he explains the he is just telling me the story to help me realize that I have it in me to create heaven on earth while I am still alive rather than waiting until after I die. Jesse appearing as the lead singer Hozier known for the song Take Me to Church is a way for reminding me to go back to church, even in my employment situation, because what I am going through requires being around the presence of other people.

Before I could ask Jesse any more questions he then disappears from the table and Alannah reappears back in his place. Alannah then explains to me that she has just spoken with my main male spirit guide as well as my team of other celestial spirit allies as well as my higher self in another room of the house while Jesse was speaking to me and has some messages for me. Alannah then takes my hand and tells me she must take me to another house  nearby as I am getting too distracted by the male spirit guide who is only disguised as Alan Rickman (Alannah explains that the male spirit is actually a kind and charismatic spirit gifted with charming female spirits who has the ability to shape shift in his dreams). The spirit has harm-free and good intentions but Alannah prefers I avoid getting too close to him today as that spirit actually symbolizes someone who is fan of Alan Rickman’s work who I have yet to met within 2-5 years of my current lifetime. I admit I dearly love my husband and I intend to ensure that the marriage between my amazing husband and I last for the rest of our current lifetime as well as I intend to be a more prosperous financial provider for my husband and I. However, I admit that I am curious to know more about who I sense is a male spirit that is either around the same age as my husband and I or older and who I sense to have previously known from a past life or a life between lives (i.e. maybe I met him in a heavenly realm before incarnating back on earth before my current lifetime on earth). Alannah telepathically reads my mind and explains all she is allowed to tell me is that he has a connection to serving in the navy and enjoying the Last Ship tv show just as I do. Currently, he resides in Norfolk Virginia and one of his first exposures to my online writing was when I shared an educational link pertaining to Georgetown University’s Master of Professional Studies in Applied Intelligence.

 For karmic reasons, Alannah has been instructed by my main spirit guide to avoid explaining further for now to me and instead escort me to another house as I sense a little what she means because I sense the spirit she is referring to seductively smiling at me from the next table (as in like the Look of Love song by ABC) and I am almost tempted to come to him when Alannah gently hugs me and instantly we are both transported to another house.

 This time the house physically resembles the stylish and lavish house shown in the following article;

  Bob Hope's Spaceship Home Fetches $13M

BY MELISSA ALLISON ON 16 NOV 2016

https://www.zillow.com/blog/bob-hopes-spaceship-home-208065/?utm_source=taboola&utm_medium=display&utm_campaign=dla_zillow2017_taboola_display_native_desktop&utm_content=predictive&dclid=CI3V1cjAitQCFZcKNwod1EUEBg

             The house looks gorgeous from the outside and Alannah explains to me; Stella time is of the essence for you to use the three books that I had shown you at the table as soon as possible, especially the ones relating to weight loss and intuition. Please understand that I know that you are only following your intuition and heart by deciding to go back to school by 2018 even if it means you can only take one or two online classes a year in something related to public relations/marketing/advertising. Additionally, you did agree that prior coming to earth before you’re current lifetime that you are going to follow your passion to be a writer with little concern as to obscurity or fame not just for your benefit but for the benefit of supporters, rivals, and critics who take precious time out of their lives to look andor glance at what you write for their own benefit and happiness as well. However, I am here as Alannah to also tell you to start devoting increased time to blogging about your thoughts and what you learned through at least three of the courses that you paid for on udemy, keep an open mind to Lynda.com as well, and make more time to walk at least 10 miles of more at least five days out of the week even if it means your sleep schedule is only around 5 hours per night. Some popular, attractive, gifted, and talented critics are going to question your motives andor choices but let them as it is human nature to project our own feelings and thoughts on to others. This means that you are going to have to alter your freestyle storytelling and other blog activities. However, are blogging andor freestyle writing at least once a month in other areas online is still in line with improving your intuition and creativity. However, time is also of the essence for you to open an additional email address to script some of your private dreams, and you must do this as soon as possible. It is far from politically correct for me to tell you this but understand that you building/improving on your intuition as well as using the law of attraction to achieve weight loss is actually part of your destiny and you must keep trying at this for your own bliss and happiness regardless of how long it takes. The following knowledge is both for your own benefit and that of others; Concern yourself more with becoming more self confident, full of spiritual power, and most of intuitive, in your case Stella work on your intuition and the self confidence and spiritual power are going to naturally come together with this. Additionally, it was your celestial ally team in collaboration with your higher self who gave you the idea to start a wish list online on at least your blogs that is inspired by Amazon.com for you to start an Intuition wish list and a Writing wishlist. Do this right away and both of your wish lists can sometimes be shown on facebook and twitter. However, and this is very important, only show your writing wish list on linkedin avoid showing your intuition wish list on linkedin for reasons you are to understand later. Stella, I am reading your mind and what makes me feel qualified and safe to advise you of these things is because I am a recently departed former navy career counselor and human resources person who knew about you in Norfolk Virginia and was connected to someone that you knew in Norfolk Virginia who was and still is a supporter of you and who you are going to meet again due to karmic business  that your higher self promised their higher self 18 months ago without both of you knowing due to this being done while you were both sleeping obviously in different parts of the United States. Last, but not least, there is no sugarcoating that you are going to get judged and labeled crazy by some popular and influential people for what you are writing less than 23-48 hours that your entry gets posted. However, there are enough supporters on your side who are also popular and influential in their own right that are going to glean something from what you wrote, but this may only be acknowledged after at least 10-11 years from now, possibly even 23-48 years from now along with many of your other writings. I am throwing you this motivational/encouragement bone to help remind you in a healing way that you are following your intuitive heart even when other people, even from the new age andor occult community that you have tried too many times to join the tribe of, try to judge you andor say things in a way to where they are only trying to help you in their way but they need time and patience to eventually understand that life path of what you are on. I Alannah, leave you Stella with the following fun message.

           Just then, I notice Alannah going into a room of the same house she took me to that is playing the song Power by Snap. I try to follow her to the room but I am instantly transported to a train from a previous dream I had that I was riding on. I remember seeing a classmate from either middle school or high school, whose family was from the middle east, speaking in a polite way to one of my long-time friends from middle school. They were just speaking as platonic friends andor close family members do on earth, I just wish that I could decode what my higher self was trying to tell me by showing this. I then am also shown a scene in one of my recent dreams that I had after I went to sleep after my husband went to work. A man was cooking a breakfast meal as part of his job and I saw him cooking some bacon. I tried to eat it but it seemed like the food was cooked in a way that a food stylist would do for a cooking commercial andor food poster. For whatever reason, I remember the bacon and I promised myself that I would ask my sweet husband what he thinks of the dream as fortunately he has stood by me during both my good times and challenging times during my current earth lifetime. As a result, I am obviously going to remember my husband loving me regardless of how much money I make during the rest of my current earth lifetime as I would do for him. Before I go outside the house to wake up, Alannah approaches me in a changed gold and violet party dress with the following message: Stella one more thing, I want you to remember the message of grade schools from our visit. No, I am not telling you to go back to school to be a grade school teacher. Being a grade school teacher is very important work but as a former human resources person and a navy career counselor  connected to the USS Eisenhower I am telling you this; it is part of your destiny to eventually actually live andor work near grade schools in the Norfolk Virginia area but also keep in mind middle schools and high schools but you were actually following your intuition when you were thinking about being either a lunch lady, janitor, andor school administrator at a grade school.

           What this has to do with you while you are living in the Washington D.C. area, there are enough people on this earth, especially in the United States, who are always going to have kids to make up for people such as yourself who voluntarily choose to be child-free. What that means is that regardless of how our current American society judges parents and people who choose to be child-free, each person is following what feels most joyful to them whether it is a woman who chooses to be childree, a woman who chooses to have one or two kids, or a woman who chooses to have more than 4. Well meaning and popular critics are going to judge you for  considering andor applying for employment in grade schools in either the Washington D.C. area andor the Norfolk Virginia area. However, many of the supporters and critics that you promised to help and exist on earth not just for your benefit but also their benefit work in various jobs in the grade schools in this area. Your personality, couple with your employment background makes you a strong candidate for jobs related to being a lunch lady, janitor, andor school administrator at a grade school. Your destiny is still a work in progress so to speak to also be open to working in hotels, motels, fast food places, grocery stores, andor malls near grade schools so to speak as well. Once again, within minutes of you posting this, many popular, accomplished, andor influential people may judge you to be crazy as you are actually an avant-garde woman who writes andor thinks about things ahead of time. However, you agreed to be unacknowledged while enduring judgment from others, there are a multiple variety of publicly acknowledged avant-garde men and women who also think ahead of their time that are going to pave the way for people considered eccentric such as yourself. However, fortunately there are also enough influential, kind-hearted, popular, and people from both modest and accomplished walks of life who secretly are supporters of what you write so this is going to be for the benefit of them even if you are only acknowledged for this years from now andor after you transitioned to one of the heavenly realms after your current earth life. After Alannah explains this to me I am awoke by my alarm clock to the song Your Man by Josh Turner. For whatever reason, as much as I would like to speak to my husband Rusty at that moment, I realize that I would be more considerate and loving to him if I wait until after he comes home from work to ask him about the breakfast cooking dream by a cook that featured bacon.

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