#like oh my god this is why i didn't like the hunger games fandom in 2012

[taylorftparamore]

like. while the quarter quell was happening, gale hawthorne was trying to get katniss's family, his, and peeta's out of district twelve because the capitol was firebombing them. like. let's think about why gale might have been angry and vicious towards the capitol in mockingjay and how it's weird to frame it as if katniss is ~better~ for not being angry at the capitol

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

Harrow brainrot time

I did the thing I wanted to do so now, it is time to start my read through and liveblog of Harrow The Ninth.

But first! It's been a few days since I finished Gideon, so I just wanna round up my main feelings and take-aways from Gideon The Ninth, before I go delving into the sequel.

--

First up, oh my god, what an adorable goof Gideon is. I love her cluelessness. I love her horniness. I love how strong and skilled she is. I love her irreverence, her quips, her emotive narration. I hate and also love how easily she sacrifices herself for Harrow. I loved their relationship sooooooo, so much, so early on. Such interesting characters. So much trauma. My god. Hold me.

The whole "come to the first with your cavalier and become lyctor" thing seemed disconcerting at first, then kind of nice, then suddenly became almost hunger games-type horror. Upon rereading the very first bit, it seems even in the letter, the first summons, it said "Lyctors joined with their cavaliers"; that type of subtle foreshadowing is bound to hit me hard once I actually reread the whole thing, for real, which I will do, probably after I finish Harrow.

(Let me know if you want a liveblog of my reread as well... I'm hoping to find paper copies of the books before starting the reread, also because apparently there are little tidbits and short stories in the paper versions that I haven't found in the archive dot org pdf.)

Ah, what can I say. I really liked the whole book! I loved Dulcinea and her reveal came as a big shock! Ianthe's coldblooded ascension to Lyctorhood didn't come as a massive surprise (hers was a name I'd seen passed around fandom before I even started - so I always suspected there was more behind the bloodless facade in Coronabeth's shadow). I loved Palamedes and Camilla, I hope we learn what happened to Camilla as she was still alive when we last saw her.

As far as the Harrow brainrot is concerned.... ohhhhh my god Harrow. Like, I liked her from the start, as a character (if not really, at first, as a person) - what an interesting foil to set Gideon up with! But then it was revealed what huge trauma she's been carrying around with her since, basically she was born. The pool scene made me go absolutely feral. Oh my godddddd. HARROWWWWWWWW

Needless to say, I can't wait to spend a whole book with her, narratively. It might be too much to hope for, but I really hope she doesn't fare too terribly. The ending just tore me to shreds. Oh Harrow. Oh Gideon. Oh Gideon you stupid little idiot!! You lovable goof!! Why did you have to sacrifice yourself like that!! I mean, I understand why but also WHYYYYYYYYY. you get me, I'm sure.

I'm gonna attach my little ficlet that I wrote, in pain, right after finishing Gideon the Ninth; without any context whatsoever from the sequels. It's a massive projection. This is how I would be, in Harrow's situation, if I were Harrow. Take it with a pinch of salt. I just wrote this to get the hurt out.

Enjoy, and I will commence my reading of Harrow the Ninth very shortly!!

Alternative Epilogue

"No," she said.

The emperor looked at her, unmoving.

"No," Harrowhark said again. "I will not do as you please. I will not return to the Ninth. I will not be your Lyctor or your Saint. I will not. I refuse."

The emperor was still just staring at her, unflinching. “You realise,” he said, “that you have little choice now. You are a Lyctor, whether you like it or not.”

“NO!” she screamed, feeling as though the walls should have shaken with the intensity of emotions she suddenly felt. More than she’d ever felt, she thought, in her entire life.

She didn’t realise she was crying until she was crumpled to the floor like a wet tissue. Crying like she never had before, sobs shaking her morbid little body mercilessly.

“I refuse,” she bit, shaking. “No. No, I will not.”

There was no response.

An eternity seemed to pass where Harrowhark felt nothing but agony. Her body was perfectly healthy, moreso than it should have been, given the trials she’d endured. No, it was her heart, it felt shattered in a million pieces.

And she knew there was only one thing she wanted.

“Give her back,” she sobbed, hands clenching into her dissatisfactory gown. “Give her back, she’s all I have. She’s all I’ve ever had.”

“No power in the universe can return Gideon the Ninth to you now,” the emperor crooned, unaffected. Uncaring.

“You are God,” she spat. “You have all the power in the universe. You’re lying. You’re lying.”

Once again, he just watched her impassively.

“You’re lying,” Harrow said hopelessly, once again succumbing to sobs. “You’re lying. Please. Please give her back. Give her back to me, she’s all I have. Give her back. Give her back.”

She collapsed, if that were even possible, further onto the floor. Rocked by sobs, she curled in on herself, mumbling the same words again and again and again. She couldn’t even feel the gentle pressure of Gideon Nav inside her own mind. She couldn’t feel anything but herself. It was agony.

“Give her back.”

It was impossibly bright and all Harrowhark wanted to do was to hide. She hid, as much as possible, inside her own body. Eyes squeezed shut, head tucked into her armpit. Curled up on the floor in an extremely un-Harrowlike fashion.

But then again, she’d never quite lost everything before. Not like this. Not ever.

“She’s all I have,” Harrow sobbed into her own skin, “give her back.”

It seemed it was hours later that she realised she was alone.

[forwantofacalling]

hsr yanqing for 3, 7, and 14? and perhaps our girl katniss for 20 and 24? :3

:0 omg hi garnet

3) Least favorite canon thing about this character?

I'm going to be honest with you i rarely remember anything canon about a character if i dislike it unless its TRULY abhorrent. but if we're going with LEAST favorite canon thing...probably that we don't get to see him enough :( where is my jing yuan yanqing post-ghosthunter event closure.

7) What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

draw him small and excitable like a puppy. he's truly just a littol guy. im also a HUGE sucker for whenever someone draws him standing/sitting/flying on his swords i just think its so cool and fun. ALSO i think ALL THE TIME about that one comic in which he keeps calling jy General even when they're alone and at home. and the follow-up one in which jy keeps calling him ANY other title except for his son. theyre so cute.

14) Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

oh god are you TRYING to get me killed on tumblr dot com. i mean i think he looks great in wuxia/xianxia style clothes 🥺 i also think it'd be fun to put him in techwear for an au or something. but other than that i have no notes LOL

20) Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

oh i swear i dont remember enough of the hunger games to answer this. wish i could give you a clever answer of "side character #41 and heres why" but personally im very soft for cinna and katniss's friendship,,, i think a lot about the fact that he requested his mockingjay sketchbook only be given to katniss if she decides to take up the mantle herself because he knew seeing his work would compel her to make the decision even if she didn't truly want to...wish we got to see more of them.

24) What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

god i suddenly have never been in any fandom ever in my entire life. uhhhh. god i think i have to say margaret nearl arknights for refusing to win the Major and instead carrying her competition down the path to the champions hall together. she doesn't do a lot of ground work herself in the trenches but she uses her status as a symbol to lead the charge for other resistance groups in kazimierz. because she's a nearl. all eyes are on her when she steps onto the screen and she knows it. the difference between her and katniss though would be that she wields her identity as the Radiant Knight very intentionally and without outside influence. hm. lots to think about.

anyway thanks for the questions :)) this was fun!

[melandrops]

20 Questions Writer Ask Game

Inspired by @thesymphonytrue

How many works do you have on ao3?

18

What's your total ao3 wordcount?

209,022

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

In published works I have 5:

DSMP/RPF (I count them as the same fandom even though they are tagged differently in my works)

Spider-Man: Across the Spiderverse

Stranger Things

Legend of Zelda (BOTW/TOTK)

White Collar

I have wips in probably 2 or three other fandoms including Shadow and Bone, Purple Hyacinth and The Magnus Archives

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Hey Lover (Pavitr/Hobie)

Three Rings (Karlnapity)

I'm not a praying man (but I'll kneel to that) (Pavitr/Hobie)

Dancing Barefoot (Robin Buckley/Nancy Wheeler)

We're Sleeping Together (Dnf)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Very rarely to be honest. If it's a mutual or someone I know or they give a comment that I think warrants a response (request, questions, etc) then I respond. Otherwise, I never know what to say and how to thank them for commenting without sounding like an automated message lmao. But if you have commented on my fics trust me I have happy screamed about you <3

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Love Causes Trouble. 60s/70s era dnf where george gets killed at the end. Very tragic I think.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the wildest one you've ever written?

Nah, no crossovers. I do have a hunger games/spiderverse idea, but I'm not sure if it will come to fruition.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, god bless. Which is a little surprising sometimes considering the amount of rpf I've written lmao. But my dsmp writing was never that popular so I should count my blessings.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sure. I prefer quick and easy fade to blacks which I've done before, but occasionally I write smut.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would be open to the idea. It would have to be a long fic if I did that.

What's your all time favorite ship?

Oh god. I've never written for it but ngl wolfstar has a soft spot in my heart. But there are so many and for the sake of not providing a documented list of everyone I've shipped before I'll leave it at that.

What's a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

My Purple Hyacinth fic. I love it so far, but I just got so burnt out in the middle of working on it. And I have trouble picking up fics when I haven't touched them in too long. I still have it outlined and probably like 1/3 of the way done. So I'm holding out a sliver of hope. But realistically, I probably won't finish it.

What are your writing strengths?

Uhhh no idea. Over the years I've definitely seen a lot of improvement in my descriptive style. Showing, not telling. And I think I've gotten a lot better at making my writing compelling. The first time someone told me that my writing made them cry I also cried.

What are you writing weaknesses?

So much. 😭 I find that dialogue often runs away from me and I get sidetracked, or it sounds clunky and unnatural. Also characterization. I tend to want to make my characters 1 million percent soft and huggable and forgetting that they are quite flawed. Also plot. I can write out a series of vignettes like nobody's business but an actual plot is hard. I've only written something with a genuine plot a few times, and only one of those got published.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

It's why I didn't include any of Pavitr speaking in Indian associated languages. I don't want to do a bad job on it, and would be too nervous about accidentally appropriating someone's culture. Or just generally making an ass out of myself by writing something silly. Maybe something to work on?

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Wrote and published? Dsmp. That fic has been deleted (it's for the best) but my first fic on my profile is still a dsmp work. Unpublished, my first fanfiction was probably for the Lunar Chronicles. Specifically Cress and Thorne.

What's your favorite fic you've ever written?

Love Causes Trouble

It is not the most popular of my fics by a long shot, but it's one of my favorites. If I went back and rewrote it there are a lot of things I would change about it. A lot. It's very imperfect but I'm just such a slut for 60s/70s queer love, for artists and writers falling in love and for tragic endings. A bit kill your gays, but I'm at peace with that.

If not for you (I couldn't get off this floor)

I also like this one because it has a few personal ties to me and because it got such a good reception. I got so many comments saying that this helped them process their grief or it was really cathartic to read so it means a lot to me.

I'm tagging a few people but please feel free to continue the game, even if I didn't tag you.

@avi17 @maybeebeee @wulfspyd3r @sunkraken

[infiwrites]

20 Fanfic Questions

Tagged by: @therev28

Tagging: @zinziinziiin aaaand whoever else wants to do this one!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

One hundred and thirty nine!

2. What's your total word count?

I currently have 245,166 published! What I have that's unpublished.... Ahahahahahah....... It's over 300k if the last time I counted a few months ago was anything to go by

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: Vocaloid, Love Love (Aqours, sometimes Niji), D4DJ, Nikkiverse (Shining Nikki & Love Nikki)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

50 Ways I Say "I Love You" — KaiMei, Vocaloid; Dia-nial — DiaRiko, LLSIF; Inspiration — Dia, LLSIF; Ghosts In The Apartment — KaiMei, Vocaloid; O One — DiaRiko, LLSIF

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to! I enjoy talking about my fics, so I'll usually respond. Some I don't answer though, either because I can't think of anything to say or because I'm unsure how I feel about the comment in the first place. Luckily, I can only count two people who fit the latter category, both of whom are blocked.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?Uhhhhh angstiest one that I've ever written involves a d4dj zombie apocalypse AU that features multiple deaths, which ends with some wildly unhealthy AoRika sacrifice. That fic is probably never getting finished, though, so. Rip. Angstiest that's been posted is probably Lavender Blue, a Love Nikki fic I wrote after reaching the part where Lunar died.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oh god I don't even know which one to answer for this one. Proooooobably "Crumbs of the Whole?" At least out of my longfics, that's the happiest one.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not recently! I've never gotten a nasty comment on this account so far, but I've definitely gotten some flames in the past for writing characters they didn't like, and writing angst when they wanted a happy ending. Lmao.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sometimes! I mostly write F/F, though I've done F/M a couple times bc KaiMei.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I don't normally write crossovers, though I do have a Sunshine/D4DJ one I'll get around to eventually. Craziest one was probably an unironic Vocaloid/Transformers one I wrote back in the day that I think I took down?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, but I wouldn't be surprised.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Unfortunately, no, but if anyone wants to give it a go, I've got blanket permissions for it on my profile!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yep! Excluding the 100k+ RPs I've done over the years, I've also written a fic with @zinziinziiin — "Road Tripping", an AyuKarin we wrote for IFHeaven's hunger games. I also co-wrote a Warriors fanfic on FFnet back around 2013-2014, but I don't remember what it was called or who I wrote it with. I believe it was taken down at some point, though, so it's a bit of a moot point.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

DiaRiko or KaiMei.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

"How It Feels", a future fic centered around Ruby navigating how different life is for Aqours when she returns to Numazu after going to school for tailoring and finding Dia in an unhappy marriage and the events of getting her out of it. It was a longfic that I kept thinking about, but never got around to writing out in full. I doubt I'll ever have the steam for it at this rate, especially since my focus is elsewhere these days.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Prose and internal narration, I think!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue and pacing are the biggest ones I struggle with.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

No real strong thoughts on it in itself—though if the POV narrator is supposed to understand it (and by extension, the reader) I'd at least like the meaning able to be gleaned from context so I don't have to scroll to the end for the author's note translation of the conversation before having to scroll back to where I was; if you want readers who do not speak the language to be able to follow along, that's really not a good way to go about it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Disney fairies fanfic when I was like. 8 or something. The first fandom I wrote for while consciously knowing what fanfic was? Proooooobably MLP??? It's been over ten years and I don't remember SHIT, lmao

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Even after all these years, it's still gotta be Dia-nial. It's a disaster, it's a shit show, it's a shitpost that sprouted an actual plot, but my god is it a delight to write and reread. It rides the line of taking itself seriously while also not; it's stupidly funny until it kicks your teeth in. It's not my most refined work—not by a long shot—but I really do think it's my most lively fic to date.

"The analogy and her problems were year-round." fucking gets me every time

[lover-of-mine]

Hi again! My ✨️controversial✨️TV love triangle is from Stranger Things. I don't know how much you know about ST (if at all) but there's a "love triangle" between Eleven, Mike & Will. There's a fandom war between Milevens (the canon ship) and Bylers (the fanon/maybe one day possible ship) and I hate it. Because my favorite ST character is Mike and both fandoms treat him like shit and only "tolerate" him because he's the other half of their favorite ship. You can always talk shit about Mike but don't you dare talk shit about Will or Eleven. Honestly? I think both ships are toxic in their own way, they're also teenagers and have their whole lives ahead of them so why should I be rooting for 14-year-olds to have a forever partner? That just feels wrong, if I married the people I dated when I was a teenager then my life would be miserable right now. Sorry for the rant, but hey you asked lol 🤷🏻‍♀️. (No, really. I'm sorry. Oops)

As for The Hunger Games, I'm not really the biggest fan of the series. I think I just expected too much from it because of the hype and just never really saw it for myself. And I don't hate Annabeth, I just never really vibed with her and I loved Percy so I always thought he could do better (and once again, teenagers). As for HP? Eh, I gave up on that one a long time ago. Same thing with Red Queen. Glad we agreed on Twilight tho.

Once again, ✨️controversial✨️

- Bad Love Triangles Anon

OH MY GOD I WILL GO TO WAR DEFENDING MIKE WHEELER THAT KID IS MY SON AND I WILL RUN YOU OVER IF YOU'RE MEAN TO HIM. Personally, I swing toward mileven more than I swing toward bylers, for no real reason, mostly today is that I don't think Will would do that to Eleven, but again they are 14, I'm with you on that point. But it INFURIATES me the way that people seem to forget that Mike is 14. He was 12 in season 1. He was 12 being put in a leadership position because he found another 12 yo, bonded with her, because it's just who he is, while looking for his best friend, SAW HIS BEST FRIENDS BODY, WENT TO HIS FUCKING FUNERAL, HE JUMPED OF A CLIFF AT AGE TWELVE, then was chased by the government, and watched the girl he bonded with "kill" herself saving him. He thought Will was dead, he thought El was dead for a YEAR. The amount of trauma that kid had just from s1 was insane, and then he watched Will get possessed, he was the one with Will, he watched everything Will went through, and sure Will is the one going through it, but they established Mike as a protector and then made the kid continuously"fail" to protect both Will and Eleven, because he's fucking 14 and dealing with a literal evil spirit chasing his girlfriend and his best friend. People act like the way he treats El in s3 is "controlling" as if he didn't watch her disappear in a cloud of dust after overusing her powers, and look, she lost the fucking powers so wasn't wrong to be worried. He's 14. Will goes missing, Will "dies", El "dies", Will gets possessed, El almost dies, El loses her powers, HIS GIRLFRIEND AND HIS BEST FRIEND move to a different state, his girlfriend gets kidnapped, he's repeatedly shot at, all while putting the pressure on himself to be the one with the answers, to be the leader, be the fucking paladin. HE'S FUCKING FOURTEEN. HE IS A CHILD. Moving around a shit load of trauma, that he can't talk about, is actively lying about, and no one will understand, and it's minimized because he was never on the upside down or doesn't have powers, as if just being near all this crazy, watching all that with his own eyes, wouldn't affect him. And people act all "how dare evil Mike be evil" when the boy is trying to cope with having the craziest life imaginable. The way people don't allow him AN INCH of slack makes me violent. And this got heated, sorry lol but I'm 100% with you, people hate Mike and take things way too seriously when we are talking about relationships between 14 year olds.

I understand the not liking hunger games all that much, don't relate, but yeah. HP, honestly, I mostly don't think about it anymore, but I was really obsessed as a child, something the thoughts come back akpaakpaka but twilight is a nice common ground lol

[broimjustagirl]

My Rant About Siege and Storm (Spoilers)

(Re-posts/re-blogs are allowed)

*please don't hurt me, I promise I am actually a decent and kind person in real life*

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED READING 'SIEGE AND STORM'. CONTROVERSIAL OPINIONS INCLUDED, NOT INTENDED TO HURT ANYONE, DO NOT HATE IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH ME. THESE ARE JUST PERSONAL OPINIONS. (Book 2 of the Shadow and Bone Trilogy) If you do, do not blame me for spoiling the book. If you have only watched the TV show, you might want to skip this as well, anyways, *cough*, let me begin!

FIRST OF ALL; the beginning from around the start to page 300-ish was literally so boring. Except for Nikolai of course, Nikolai is king. Also, I am not anti-Malina, but come on, some of the scenes made me cringe so hard. You got to admit, some of the Malina scenes were cringy and unoriginal.

Also, why was Mal so insecure about his relationship with Alina? Why doesn't he trust Alina enough to know that she would never cheat on him with Nikolai? (though if I were her, I would 100% choose Nikolai, not gonna lie) Mal obviously feels threatened by Nikolai (why wouldn't he? Not to hate on him) even though Mal and Nikolai's alter persona Sturmhond were literally friends. Mal obviously doesn't trust Alina, which to me is a red flag.

ANOTHER RED FLAG (in my opinion, don't hate) was the fact that he started drinking SO BADLY and STARTED SEEING ZOYA, though I have to admit that he and Alina weren't really a thing at that point, but still.

Alina has also really started to annoy me, starting at the point when she threatened Zoya. Yes, Zoya was rude to her, but why don't you believe Zoya when she said that she lost LITERAL FAMILY because of the Darkling. Why did Alina question her? She could see that Zoya was about to cry, but still decided to throw her off. I sided with Mal when he said that Alina was threatening Zoya and SHE LIKED IT. THE FRICK ALINA?

Alina is powerful, and a great main character, but she's starting to be arrogant. Seriously. (I know I was pretty arrogant as a kid, hell, I thought I was smart when I was 9 because I knew what the word 'vital' meant) But it was obvious that Zoya was super hurt, and though Alina did regret some things she said, why didn't she feel a lot empathy for her, even if Zoya was rude to me, I wouldn't continue to threaten her to leave the only home she has left. Losing family is super painful, and though I'm rude sometimes, I would never be rude someone who had just lost an aunt and a niece in a betrayal of someone she trusted (AKA the toxic Darkling, I LIKED YOU, BUT YOU CROSSED THE LINE DUDE)

Anyway, after those 300 boring pages of the Darkling teleporting like a superhero and being a legit stalker (Except for Nikolai, I love you Nikolai) THE DARKLING FREAKING ATTACKS THE LITTLE PALACE (Yes, I read spoilers about this. Yes, I was still surprised. Yes, I feel the same as when I read the Hunger Games for the first time, it's that painful)

BUT THE THING THAT ANNOYED ME THE MOST WAS WHEN ALINA WAS ALL LIKE:

'oooh Mal, i love you so much, i've always loved, *kiss here*, *kiss your jawline like a weirdo*, i kiss this, i kiss that. i've loved you forever'

AND THEN SHE'S LIKE:

'ooh darkling, let me kiss you and play with your hair, yasssssss. you're my king aleksander.' (WAIT A MINUTE, I'M CONTINUING TO READ THAT PAGE BECAUSE I PUT IT DOWN AFTER SHE KISSED THE DARKLING TO CALM MYSELF, AND WHAT THE FRICK IS HAPPENING. WHY IS THIS BOOK SO CONFUSING)

BUT DAVID HELPING GENYA WAS SO FREAKING SWEET. GENYA IS A LITERAL QUEEN.

I guess I have a problem with literally hating every single main character (Except Percy Jackson, perhaps I'm biased because PJO was the first fandom I was ever part of) like Katniss (She's a little negative and pessimistic no offense) and many protagonists from lesser-known novels. BUT ALINA, YOU GET ON MY NERVES. No offense once again. I can't name all the times she annoyed me, but trust me, there are lots.

AND YES, I STARTED GASPING WHEN NIKOLAI AND ZOYA HAD THEIR FIRST INTERACTION. YES, I KNOW ABOUT ZOYALAI EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T EVEN READ RULE OF WOLVES YET. I haven't even read up to the part where Zoyalai is canon, but I've read enough of Nikolai's Grishaverse Fandom Page to know that Zoyalai is literally perfect. Come one, sort of a reckless little idiot and a stern-minded ambitious queen, PERFECT MATCH. OH MY GODS, I'M FANGIRLING OVER A THING I HAVEN'T EVEN READ THAT MUCH OF.

I think Zoya was saying something and Nikolai said something to her during a war meeting and IT WAS SO EXCITING FOR ME EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS THE ONLY INTERACTION THEY HAVE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

But whenever the Grishaverse fandom mentions how toxic the Darkling is (I've just realized after reading Siege and Storm and watching the SAB TV show) they're just like:

'Mal is boring and has no personality'. GURL, THAT'S TRUE AT SOME POINTS, MAL INFURIATES ME MOST OF THE TIME, I did ship Darklina at some point, but come on, it's still pretty toxic, but it was good for a short-term relationship, but long-term....eh, nope. I've come to the point where I have to accept the fact that everyone has different opinions, so if you ship Darklina, ship it. But also realize that the Darkling was super toxic, especially when he killed the innocent people of Novokribirsk. Otherwise, I'll read some Darklina wattpad fan-fics on Wattpad. It's nice to be neutral.

Anyways, I've suddenly realized that people are getting bored of my rant because this is so freaking long, thank you for baring with me. I await the toxic and hate comments for my controversial opinions

Countess of Cats

Inferni - OUT!

[vole-mon-amour]

OTP tag game.

Tagged by @captainjowl. You know for sure than I'm struggling to pick only 10 & fit them in here. But hell, that’s fun, thank you <3

Rules: Choose 10 OTPs BEFORE reading the questions, and then get to answering

1) Harry James Potter & Sirius Orion Black

2) Daniel Le Domas & Grace (Ready or Not 2019)

3) Samuel & Nathan Drake (Uncharted 4)

4) Corvo Attano & The Outsider (+probably Emily Kaldwin; Dishonored series)

5) Steve Grant Rogers & Bucky Buchanan Barnes (Marvel)

6) Tony Edward Stark & Peter Benjamin Parker (Marvel)

7) Handsome Jack & Rhys (Borderlands video game series)

8) Damon Salvatore & Elena Gilbert (TVD Books & a tv show)

9) Batman & Joker (in every universe, really)

10) Adam Jensen x Francis Pritchard (Deus Ex video game series)

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I believe it didn't hit me before Spider-Man: Homecoming. Civil War was about Steve & Bucky for me, but when I saw that growing up Peter with Tony, their dynamic, chemistry. Tom & Robert are really just like that.

2. Have you ever read a fanfic about 2?

Lmao. I've read like 50% of the tag on AO3, I wrote my own & started a few wips on them. They are amazing. Plus, with that shitty canon? We didn't get enough of them & they deserved better, so it's only logical to save yourself with fanfiction.

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr screen saver?

I was living with The Outsider icon on my twitter & tumblr. That one is still my Google profile picture I believe. Don't remember about having an icon with the two of them. Also had The Outsider as my lockscreen on my smartphone for a while.

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Funny how it fits canon, lmao. Rhys literally tried to erase Jack's AI in TFTBL, so I guess another day on Pandora, nothing new. They torture each other, they kiss each other, they kill other people in the process. It'll be fiiine.

5. Why is 1 so important?

I love them since the first time I met them, which was much more than 10 years ago, I don't even remember when. At some point they were the reason I was waking up & forcing myself to eat just to read more fanfiction & feel something. Even if I was drowning in pain (I was extremely depressed), it was still something. I read every fic I could find at that time. The depression that Harry went through, all these feelings, his love for Sirius. I was living through it, I could relate.

I'm currently drowning in these two again, though in a much healthier & happier state. I see their flaws & I know as much as I can. I see them differently as an adult. They saved me, they keep being my number one, I still consider making a tattoo of Padfoot/Sirius or of both Harry & Sirius together. I have many headcanons, ideas, I write fics about them. They are everything, you see? They were my choice when there was nothing, no one. They are HOME.

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Both. There goes the dynamic of Jack & Rhys: torture, fighting, flirting, a lot of trauma. I'd definitely say that they are wild and comical sometimes, but they are definitely serious. With the Asylum, the mental health issues. There is so much more to it, the complexity of their relationship. The struggle of loving who you probably shouldn't (but hey, when does it work like that?) Thinking about Tettlate's Batman, about Batman: Europa & how Joker was: "You must be crazy, putting me in charge of the plan, letting me decide. Okay, well..."

Nah, they are entertaining, but this is a serious ship.

7. Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Are you kidding me? They are all the definition of CHEMISTRY. I'd say 5, but then go 2, 6, 7, 8. Come on. I'm not choosing. Most of they are WILD.

9. How many times have you read/watched the 10’s fandom?

The fandom itself? Idk. I found one of my favourite artists through this fandom. If it's about the characters themselves, I played the first game with the DLC from start to beginning, looking around every corner. Spent more than 60 hours in there. Watched a second game (my laptop can't run the game) and the DLC (obviously), since Francis is in the DLC & not in the main game. I have a tag for them on tumblr, I read fanfiction, I tried to write my own. I still follow Elias & want a third game. Elias liked my tweets about Adam and Jensen being an actual couple a few times. I'd say I interacted with all of this a lot? Still do, actually.

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

5. Best friends since childhood, fought & died for each other, still found their way back to each other. "It would break your Captain's heart, to see what they did to you." That only the MENTION of Steve can pull Bucky out of this brain washing(ed?) state, distract him in the middle of a fight. When Steve died in the comics because of Sharon & Tony sent Natasha to take Steve's shield from Bucky because even Tony knew how much Steve means to Bucky. And Bucky was like: "Oh, I see what he did. Not happening!" Fought Natasha (that is his ex in the comics) & kept going for Steve's sake.

Well, you see the point, I can go on and on.

11. How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

They're not actually canon so none? They had a few fights: In Civil war (the comics), in Homecoming (the movie).  That only means that they’ve got history & love each other.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

As fierce Grace is, they wouldn't stand a chance against Damon & Elena. Those two had to deal with worst thing than brainless stupid zombies. On the other hand, if there were no alive humans to drink their blood... It's either an animal diet that Damon hates so much or I don't know? Still, they're faster & more powerful. Their bodies have advantage of healing the wounds as well.

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

From some people, yeah. Don't tell Athena, don't tell Vaughn, don't tell Fiona. Though Rhys wasn't very subtle about it & Jack just doesn't give a fuck. You will probably end up dead if you disagree or bore him, or if you're useless.

"I can take you to the top, but you gotta know where the top is" & Rhys doesn't tell anybody until Jack makes him the President for like whole 20 minutes lol.

Fiona & Sasha: "This can't be happening." Sure it can, darling.

14. Is 4 still together?

I have a headcanon about The Outsider finding Emily & Corvo after Billie frees him from the Void. He doesn't have anybody & they are his only friends aside from a potential friendship with Billie. And if we don't consider TOTO dlc, they definitely are! The Outsider visits them both when they sleep & takes them to the void sometimes. How could he not?

15. Is 10 canon?

Not really but also sort of? Let's say that they really care about each other in canon, despite Adam pushing Francis away because of his trauma & fear that Megan caused him. :/

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Can you imagine wizards fighting extremely powerful vampires? Superheroes with venom in their bodies that make them super strong with people that made a deal with the Devil himself (hi Le Bail)? 5000 y.o. God and his lover that share his powers and an augmented human protecting his tired IT guy? Combine mental health issues to that, Jack and Rhys with Batman and Joker. Corvo & The Outsider would probably slay them all as Corvo and Emily did in both games with entire islands, though it will still be a slaughter anyway.

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 5’s ship?

All the fucking time, lmaooo. I’m not even talking about it.

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

I feel like I already did with Steve & Bucky after many Marvel movies (we're not even mentioning Endg*me, I fucking died & was dead for full 4-5 months).

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 3’s tumblr page?

I used to do that a few years back, but not anymore. There is not much content since the trilogy is finished.

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

1 already went through it & fandom lives, so I'd say maybe 7? Rhys will find a way to bring Jack back & they are both so wild. It’s what happened in canon anyway. Jack kidnapped Lilith & forced her to do Angel's job, so I'd like to see that witch try at first. Jack is an immortal bastard. <3

Now that I think about it, Corvo would also deal with her in seconds as she waits to curse them.

As a conclusion: no one breaks up forever, we're killing the witch.

I tag: @ianmillkovichgallagher​ & @aledbr​

Whoever else wants to join the game, please do.

[nxnoire]

Desiderium

Depression

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug

part 1 part 3

my second prompt for @badthingshappenbingo

———

Nathalie knocked on Adrien's door, wondering why the teen hadn't left his room yet. Adrien heard the knock, but it didn't register in his mind. It was a sound in the background of the noise in his mind. The tears in his eyes were a trillion times louder than the whisper of the knock.

Plagg nudged him, trying to gain any sort of reaction. "Adrien, you need to get up," he urged.

He looked his the black kwami with a blank expression. Blinking, he stood up and made his way over to the door.

Nathalie opened the door just as Adrien made his way to it. "It's time for school, Adrien."

"I'm staying home. I don't feel well," he said with a hoarse voice. He sniffled and rubbed his eyes, drying the ocean under his eyes.

Nathalie nodded and let him be, shutting the door without a sound. Adrien walked like a zombie back to his bed. He crawled under the warm covers, their calls irresistible in his state.

Plagg flew to his face. "What are you doing?"

"I'm staying home. There's no point in going, anyway."

"But–" Adrien turned over, cutting his kwami off. Plagg sighed, knowing Adrien was in no mood to argue. "Whatever helps you, Adrien."

At school, Marinette was getting overly worried. Adrien never missed school. His immune system was almost impenetrable, and on the off chance he did get sick, he always forced himself to go to school. Whatever he came down with must have been serious if it made him stay home that day.

Nino turned around to face the girls behind him. "Have you guys heard from Adrien?"

"No," both girls replied.

He hummed in thought. "He might be sick then."

"Or maybe he had an early photoshoot today," Alya suggested.

"No, he doesn't," Marinette chimed in. She knew every single photoshoot he would have for the next year, and his next one wasn't until tomorrow. Today was one of his only free days.

Alya couldn't help but smirk. "Oh, it's not on your calendar?"

Her pressing tone made Marinette stutter. "Ah, no-it's not-it's not like that!" Could she being herself to tell her best friends that she kept a calendar of everybody's events so she knew exactly where they were in case of an akuma attack? "I...uh-I never heard him say anything about-about a shrotopoot–I mean photoshoot!"

Nino shook his head with a smile. "I'm sure he just got a cold or something." He turned back around and prepared for class.

Alya smiled and listened as Miss Bustier began her lesson. Marinette followed suit, hoping Adrien was feeling okay.

———

"Adrien, it's time for lunch," Nathalie said, standing in front of the sleeping teen.

Adrien's eyes fluttered open, squinting at the bright sunlight filtering through his windows. He rubbed his eyes and looked at her, blinking to fix his blurry vision. He knew his father wouldn't be there, so what was the point of going? Hunger had abandoned his body, replaced by a comfortable emptiness. Eating was so much work. Why eat when he could just lay there and disappear?

"I'm not hungry," he muttered.

"If you're sick, food will only help you," Nathalie advised.

Arguing with the woman would only end with him losing. He gave in and got up, pausing as the world temporarily faded as blood rushes back to his head. Once the light-headedness stopped, he followed Nathalie to the lonely dining room.

He sat down in his chair in silence. His eyes fell to the meal waiting for him. It disgusted him. Whatever appetite he had left had run off somewhere to play games with the joy that had been exiled from his body. Hesitantly, he picked up his fork and looked at Nathalie, who was looking at her tablet.

She didn't look like his mother. Not one bit. Yet, he was supposed to believe she was mother figure in his life now. She loved him as if he were her son. He was supposed to love her like family as well but–

Tears brimmed at his eyes.

Why was he crying? What had he been crying all morning? He leaned to push through the dark and twisty depression. Was that not enough? Was being happier not enough?

A tear rolled down his cheek. He rubbed it away, trying to hide his sadness.

Why did he feel so horrible? Why couldn't he stop the urge to cry?

The dam he had been holding back for so long finally burst. He dry heaved, causing him to cover his mouth. Quickly, he stood up and ran out of the room, ignoring Nathalie's calls for him.

Tears rained down from his eyes. Without stopping, he ran into his bedroom and into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. He fell back against the door and slid to the ground. Almost like instinct, he brought his knees to his chest and hugged them. In that moment he wished for the warmth his mother would always give him when she would hug him.

He was so touch-starved that it hurt. He missed her so much that it brought him physical pain. A thousand bricks sat upon his chest, but how could he possibly feel anything if there was a gap that replaced his heart?

Plagg stood on the other side of the door, deeply saddened by Adrien's depression. He knew that he couldn't do anything to help Adrien. Adrien needed professional help, but he didn't know how to bring it to him.

Nathalie walked into the empty room, hoping to help Adrien. Plagg noticed and flew into his camembert cabinet quickly. She blinked, thinking she had seen something fly by. Her eyes were just playing tricks on her, she figured. It didn't faze her. She walked over to the door and prepared to knock, but heard sobs erupting from the quiet room.

She stopped.

Adrien wasn't sick. He was in pain.

She knew it was due to his mother's absence. What other reason could it be for? There was now way he found out that Gabriel was Hawkmoth. It was impossible. With all of the precautions both parties took to hide any and all evidence, there was no way anybody should have been able to figure it out.

She knocked on the door. "Adrien..." What was she supposed to say? "I..."

"Go away."

"Adrien, I want to help–"

"I don't care."

Nathalie sighed. "Is it about your mother?" No answer. What else did she expect? "I'm going to talk to your father about this. I hope he will make time to talk to you." She turned and left, knowing very well Gabriel wouldn't be able to make time.

She hoped that Gabriel wouldn't change his mind and take advantage of Adrien's negative emotions. If he did, it would only harm the teen. The emotional effects of being akumatized were familiar to her. Even though she had wanted to be akumatized into Catalyst she felt negatively after she turned back to her regular self. It would be too much for Adrien to handle.

In the bathroom, Adrien leaned his head against the door, feeling worse than before. The tears had finally stopped flowing. Perhaps he had become numb to all of the pain again. For the time being, at least. The same thing would happen over again. He was stuck in an infinite loop of pain and suffering. There was no way to get out. He'd keep drowning in the cold waters, slowly inching towards death until the Grim Reaper finally arrived to take him to a safer place.

To a place with his mother.

Maybe that was the way out.

His thoughts came to a halt. He shook his head, wondering what had just come over him. Did he consider death? There was so much he had to do here. Even if he wanted to go, he couldn't.

But, it'd take all of the burden off his shoulders. Ladybug didn't even need her. She had proven time and time again that she could save Paris without him. Paris would be fine without him. Chat Noir didn't need to be here. Adrien Agreste would be better off disappearing. No more paparazzi. No more attention. No more stress.

His eyes widened. Was he seriously considering death?

No. He didn't want to die. He couldn't permanently leave this place. Even if it's be beneficial to him, he would want to come back to the life he built for himself.

He stood up and looked in the mirror at his disheveled self. For once, his image of perfect had dissolved with the tears. Thank god. He hated being perfect.

Was it possible to disappear for a while? He could run away as Chat Noir, but then he'd have to be on constant guard to maintain his hideout. Ladybug would need his help, and there was no way he could hold himself back from helping her.

There was another knock at the door.

"What do you want?" Adrien asked, his voice hoarse and quiet. He was tired of Nathalie bugging him. He was tired of people.

"Adrien," Gabriel said from behind the door.

Adrien's heart skipped a beat. His father had actually decided to come out his office to come talk to him! For once, his father cared enough to help him. Or did he? He paused, his hand hovering over the doorknob. "Are you here to lecture me again?" Adrien asked, trying not to get his hopes up.

"No. I'm here to talk."

He grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. In front of him was a sad face. Before Adrien could say anything, Gabriel embraced him a hug, something Adrien hadn't received from him in a long time.

Once they broke the hug, they walked over to his couch in silence and sat down. Adrien was hesitant to speak up, but he didn't have to.

"I know you miss her," Gabriel began, "We all do." He sighed sadly. "But we have to keep moving. Because one day, everything will go back to normal."

Adrien looked at him, confused. "How can anything go back to the way it was? She's dead, father."

"Yes, but–" he cut himself off, keeping his secret identity hidden. "Emotionally, we can return to normal."

"I did, and now I'm over here thinking about death!" He exclaimed angrily. His eyes widened. He wasn't one to raise his voice at others, and he hadn't meant to tell his father about that, either.

Gabriel looked at his son, ignoring the heavy statement. His eyes fluttered to the ring on his hand, which he had subconsciously began to toy with. Of course, he had ruled out the theory that Adrien was Chat Noir.

But thinking about it, maybe he was the young hero. The ring was the same. His depression could have been deepened by the weight of being Paris's hero.

Was it the right time to bring the question up? It was one of the only times he'd be able to. But was it really appropriate? His son was hurting and he was supposed to help him. However, if he was Chat Noir, he could get the Miraculous easily. He had to ask now. At least try.

"Adrien, I need to ask you something."

Adrien looked at his father, nodding.

"Are you Chat Noir?"

His stomach dropped to the floor. What was he supposed to say? If he said no, would his father believe him? If he said yes, what would the repercussions be? "I-i, uh...what makes you think that?"

Gabriel motioned to his ring. "The ring on your finger looks a lot like his. Not to mention you two look a bit similar."

Adrien didn't know how to counter that. The ring was the dead giveaway. How could he explain the sudden appearance of it? His father already showed suspicions toward it before. Could he easily shake them off again?

"Son, I wouldn't care if you were." He tried to make it seem as though he were the supportive father. "I would be proud to call myself the father of a superhero." He wouldn't be proud. He'd have been wanting to kill his son for close to two years. He would have been hurting his own son every single day, when the Miraculous was under his nose the entire time.

"Father..." Adrien looked at him and noticed something off about his expression. He inched away from him and hid his hands in his pockets, trying to hide the Miraculous. "Even if I were Chat Noir, I wouldn't be able to tell you. Superheroes have to keep their identities a secret or something like that."

"Wouldn't saying that be a way to hide your identity?"

"No matter what it is, I can't tell you whether I am him or not. Besides, I thought you were here to help me!" He stood up and threw his hands out of his pockets.

"If you aren't Chat Noir, take off your ring."

"No! I'm done talking about him!" He felt tears brimming at his eyes. "I just want to talk about Adrien for once," he muttered.

"Adrien...it's okay." Gabriel stood up and embraced his son in another hug. While holding his son, he looked at the ring, trying to hold himself back from snatching it.

"Why do you care so much about Chat Noir?"

"Because I'm curious, son. I'm worried for you, and need to know everything so I can help you."

Adrien pulled away and stepped back, trying to put distance between him and his father. If his father had evil intentions, he needed to be far away just in case he needed to escape. "I-I-" he stuttered. His eyes caught sight of Plagg, who looked terrified.

Something was wrong. He shouldn't be telling his father anything. For whatever reason, it wasn't safe. Gabriel noticed Adrien's shocked expression and turned to see what he was looking at. His eyes caught sight of a tail disappearing under the blanket of his bed.

A kwami.

He tried to act like he hadn't seen anything, but he knew his expression gave it away.

"I can explain–"

"No, I know what I saw, Adrien."

His heart pounded harder and harder. "How do you know...?"

Gabriel sighed. "I've become well-aquatinted with the Miraculous over my lifetime."

Adrien backed away. Plagg knew. Plagg could sense his father knew something. He should have kept the secret better. Adrien failed. His father wasn't safe, for whatever reason.

Something clicked inside of him. His father had possession of the Miraculous Spellbook. He never left his house. He seemed interested in the ring.

Could his father be– "Hawkmoth?" He muttered in shock, hoping he was wrong.

Gabriel moved closer to his son. "I hope you'll understand, Adrien. Once I get the Miraculous I can bring her back. We can finally live happily once again."

Adrien moved towards his window. "No! If you do that, it'll come with a sacrifice! It's not right! Terrorizing Paris, for what? Bringing a dead person back? She's dead, let her be dead like she should be! Who do you think you are, Frankenstein? You can't just bring people back and expect it to all be so perfect!" He was about to open the window but his father tried to take the ring.

"Give me the Miraculous and everything will be fine!"

"No!" Adrien ran to his bed and grabbed his phone, shoving it in his pocket. "I can't be here. Not with you, Hawkmoth." Tears rolled down his cheeks. "I can't. I have a city to save, and I cant leave them behind."

"Son, just do it."

"Plagg," Adrien muttered, causing the black kwami to fly out of the blanket. "Let's go." Adrien walked towards his door, but Nathalie opened it, shocked to see the scene unfolding in front of her eyes. Adrien backed up a bit, but stopped when he saw his father getting closer to him. "Nathalie, move." She didn't move.

"Plagg, claws out," he muttered, transforming in a bright flash of light.

As he walked away, his father managed to grab his wrist. "Adrien, don't go–"

"Sorry, Adrien isn't available now. You can leave a message for him, if you'd like."

Gabriel scoffed and tried grabbing the ring.

"Cataclysm," Chat muttered, causing Gabriel to stop. "You'll never get my Miraculous." He turned and walked past Nathalie, tears rolling down his cheeks as he left behind the last piece of home he had.

[b00bconnoisseur]

60 questions for @not-my-brain

1. selfie.......Ugghhhh ok. Imma take one rn

Ok here u go (yes thats a bmth shirt)

2. what would you name your future kids?.....Ooo hmmm well when i was a kid i really liked the names disney, and mesiah. I didn't know at the time that mesiah was another name for god i think lol. I liked it cause of handlers mesiah. I still do. Ooo and maybe Tj too

3. do you miss anyone?......Yeah. My friends on Pinterest from a year ago. My friend lucas. Stan lee. Bob ross. My cousin who died from cancer some years ago. Snape. Sirius. Lupin. Tonks. Dobby. *continues to name every unfortunate death in hp*

4. what are you looking forward to?.......SE-YA next month!! Its the south eastern young adult festival at this college. You can have meet n greets with authors and alot of stuff its the besstttt

5. is there anyone who can always make you smile?......DEFINATELY. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @sammchenry my friend lucas and @septembersbloom. ^^

6. is it hard for you to get over someone?..... What like...romantically? Or like a death? If romantically uhhh idk it took over a couple weeks but im ok now. Ive never had another relationship so idk. If death oof yeah idk maybe. Ig it depends on how much i knew them idk. Like when my nanny (great grandma) died i was sad for days (is that alot?)

7. what was your life like last year?.....Sucky af. Still is. But the highlights of my life last year was getting and making friends on tumblr, going to the tøp concert and going to warped tour, volunteering at the library, going to seya and meeting some of my favorite authors, reading, changing and improving my art, listening to all the bands i listen to now, getting into more fandoms, going to a friends house for the first time

8. have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?.......Yes lol. Some years ago when i couldn't find smtn id be so annoyed and pissed id start crying. I dont now but still lol

9. who did you last see in person?.......Hm ig family doesn't count....? Wait do u mean a friend? If so uhh my friends rebekah, anika, and Judah at a TAB meeting at the library sometime last month.

10. are you good at hiding your feelings?......I think so? Like i mean I can hide whenever i get my....time of the month from my mom (talking abt stuff like that with her makes me uncomfortable) and i hid a breakup. And other p big stuff too. So imma say yeah

11. are you listening to music right now?........*pops on earbuds after reading this* yee im listening to bitch lasagna by pewdiepie xD (do i have the best spotify playlist or what?)

12. what is something you want right now?.......To hug @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye but SOMEONE has to live so far away

13. how do you feel right now?........Happy that my earbud still works cause they got washed in the wash yesterday....oops. Its not my fault. I told my dad to remind me to take it out of my jacket pocket before they threw it in but noooooo he forgot

14. when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?.......Uhhhhh fuck idk it was probably from my lil 4 yr old bro sometime last week. Other than him (hes my favorite sibling) i dont let them hug me too much

15. personality description.......Nerdy. Fangirl. "Emo". Tomboy. Hotsause obsessed. Book lover. Music lover. Black. Blue. Harry potter. Introvert. Fall. Sports. Values friendship. Loyal. Uhhhh i cant think of much lol

16. have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?.......*sigh* yes. Yes yes yes. Theres some things abt me, or my life really, that i havent told anyone on here or my irl friends that i sooooo want to so bad but i haven't cause i feel like they'd feel bad and pity me and i don't want that

17. opinion on insecurities........I dont really understand this one. Everyones insecure abt something. Is this askin like if i think its ok or not? I say its ok. Im insecure about literally everything about me. My face. My personality. My socialness. My art. What i do. What i say. Basically my whole body. The things i feel good abt are my books, music taste, and my friends (ily fuckers)

18. do you miss how things were a year ago?.........Hmm this time around a year ago....idk its sorta the same but all the stuff i mentioned abt my year from last year didn't happen yet so nah tho my life sucks rn its better than this time last year

19. have you ever been to New York?........Nooo but i want too soo baddd i wanna visit @septembersbloom !! Im coming for ya soon gramps *does the eye watching thing* my dads been to nyc before tho cause he does construction and he had a concrete job to do there. It was a 23 hr drive for him

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?........Uhhh idk!!! So hard! Maybe.....the whole thats the spirit album by bmth ;)

21. age and birthday?.....15 yrs of age and September 27th 2003 (whats yours brainy? I'll put it on my calendar)

22. description of crush......Its weird idk im not sure if its a genuine crush or not but uh....They like hp :).Thats all u get

23. fear(s).......Losing my best friend @dirtysocke and my other friends. Death. Failure. Momo chasing after me then killing me slowly keeping my eyes open to look her dead in the eyes while i die

24. height......5'6 call me short and I'll fuck u up with THIS *pulls out trusty potato peeler named now steve* dont test me boi

25. role model......Hhhhhhhh so many! But uh gosh one of them is @superraedizzle (youtuberrrr) and vexx and bob ross and da vinci and aaaaaaa so many

26. idol(s)......First person that immediately comes to mind is @sammchenry cause he's super cool and he's really nice and his art's reallyyy good (if u havent seen it w-w-what are u even doin with your life?) And he has a great sense of humor and *continues to ramble about why samms the best*

27. things i hate.......Dabs. Transphobes. Homophobic ppl. Basically any hate on the lgbtq+ community. Bullies. The ship starker. Umbridge. Snape haters

28. i’ll love you if….....U you'll eat pizza, draw, and rp harry potter with mee

29. favourite film(s)......Fantastic beasts. Every hp film. Twilight. The maze runner 1-2. The hunger games. Spiderman homecoming. Kingsman: secret service. Into the spideyverse tho i havent seen it yet

30. favourite tv show(s)......Inkmasterrrrr. B99. The mick. The middle. Uhhh idk mostly ink master xD

31. 3 random facts........Ive never had shrimp. I had a beta fish for over a year once. Im eating pizza crust rn

32. are your friends mainly girls or guys?.......G i r l s. I have all girl friends irl and one boy. And on tumblr it seems like i just meet girls? Likei agree with @cristal-kyd1280 its like alot more gals then dudes here. But i do have some guy friends on here too. But mostly girls

33. something you want to learn.......TO DRAW ANATOMY DAMMIT

34. most embarrassing moment........Every moment of my lifes an embarrassing moment. Idk of i can pick a "most" embarrassing one. But one time i i sent my crush (now ex bf) a hey fuckface and like some hearts or whatever for an ask game that meant like "i have a crush on u" "youre adorable" etc and said Hewo but i did it all anonymously. But he confronted me askin if i sent it cause im the only person he knows that actually says hewo lol. Then later on i finally admitted i really liked him and well y'all know the story after i think. Unless you're new

35. favourite subject.......A R TTTT OFC

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?........meet my friends on tumblr. Get into mtsu (college i wanna go to) and study art. And go skydiving

37. favourite actor/actress........favorite actor uhhhhhh probably thomas brodie sangster or tom felton and my favorite actress? Hmmm idk maybe evanna lynch (luna lovegood)

38. favourite comedian(s).......probably kevin hart lol he's p funny

39. favourite sport(s)........basketballllllll and football

40. favourite memory........uhhhhh idk?? One oh my favorite memories was when we went to see tøp in concert

41. relationship status.....single as a pringle

42. favourite book(s)......harry potter and the order of the pheonix. Harry potter and the half blood prince. Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda. Divergent. Maze runner. Twilight. Fangirl. Fallen. Red queen

43. favourite song ever.......TOO HARD DONT MAKE ME CHOOSEEEEEE

44. age you get mistaken for.........16 and 17 sometimes lol

45. how you found out about your idol........i was watching someone on yt and superraedizzle always poped up in my feed and my mom turned on one of her vids cause she always saw her vids too now ive seen most of em i love her. Id heard of vexx but never watched him and i was watching a collab from anthony miller art and shrimpy and i checked out shrimpys channel and was lookin at comments and alot of ppl said his art is like vexxs so i checked out vexx. At first i was like eh ok. Now i cant click fast enough when he posts a vid. And i actually fpund out about bob ross from my grandpa on jan 20 2017 when trump was getting sworn in or whatever. We turned on pbs and my grampa told me to look and bob ross was on and i was IN. I loved it. I even started watching full episodes on YouTube of the joy of painting after that. Wonderful man. My first painting i ever did i think was when i followed one of his tutorials xD (i didnt know it was popular at the time)

46. what my last text message says......."ok your turn"

47. turn ons.....uhh nerds ig idk um book lovers, music lovers, art lovers, potterheads, idk and nice ppl

48. turn offs......jerks. Homophobia. Idk ig whatever i said in things i hate

49. where i want to be right now......uhhhh idk wait didn't i already answer this? Ok this ones different ig so uhh with my friend lucas

50. favourite picture of your idol.....oh shit...favorite? Idk xD i have a fave of vexx but not of rae or bob. But heres pics of them any way

51. starsign......a libraaaaa boiii

52. something i’m talented at......drawing and speed reading. Thats about it lol. Oh and procrastina

53. 5 things that make me happy.......ooooo art, my friends here on tumblr, books, harry potter, and music ^^

54. something thats worrying me at the moment.....if my friend thinks im being annoying

55. tumblr friends......hhhhh so manyyyyyy. @dirtysocke @mysisterlooksforthisaccountsobye @cristal-kyd1280 @chinesewaffles2 @kingantlion @queen-baelin @sammchenry @septembersbloom and more

56. favourite food(s)......green beans, pepperoni pizza, and vanilla madelines

57. favourite animal(s).......basically any reptile. Puppies. Cats. Any animal really but my #1 are snakes

58. description of my best friend.....well she's a tiny bean (5 feet) and she has dark hair, she wears glasses, she doesnt take shit, she's in love with Josh dun, she's awesome, funny, nice (YES youre nice jackie) and shes the best friend ive ever had. Oh. And she has a weird obsession with spaghetti

59. why i joined tumblr.......well i heard abt it on Pinterest over a year ago but didnt want it. Then @mrfastbass-deactivated20181231 on DeviantArt said he got tumblr so i made one then followed him and figured id just post art and that's it cause i thought tumblr was boring as hell when i first got it. Now im p much obsessed with it

60. ask me anything you want.......go ahead brainy shoot. Give me smtn good