#like obviously i have no way of knowing if im quote unquote right. but ive read them over snd over and it seems so simple to me LOL

[sexcromancy]

revisited the wolves of Mercy falls series bc I watched a booktube video about it ... I love those books soooo much. my absolute favorite werewolf mechanic. really uses the metaphor of shifting well, for suicidality, addiction, losing yourself, identity and choice and self-determination, the freeing possibilities and dooms promised by all those things. it's a lot like how Maggie uses dreaming, but more focused/less sprawling. and I really like grace and sam, and of course Cole and Isabel my number one Maggie couple for ever and ever. and on this reread, prompted by some of the comments in the video, I really noticed how fraught and interesting the cross dynamics are, Isabel and Sam especially. they have that special weird friendship of proximity mutual respect the feeling was friendship but neither of them had ever experienced it before magic, same as ronan and hennessy. in the video she mistook it for a confusing crush but it's not, Maggie just writes those relationships so well and so intensely that it comes off close to that. and of course the rich insanity of the beck and Sam relationship. JOHN BEHAVIOR. I forgot that he came back one last time before dying. such a great scene. I really hope the TV show happens I think it could be so interesting. it could also be terrible. but if it is they wouldn't get far enough in to ruin Cole before it got canceled so it's probably be fine. yay

[strititty]

Ooh! BroDirk? You can answer this privately if you want idm

>:3! i don't mind answering publicly, so that's just fine! this is definitely not by biggest stridercest ship, but i wouldn’t turn my nose up at it and have in fact been keeping up with a certain brodirk hanahaki fic...

What made you ship it?

for this particular ship, mostly listening to people talk about it and reading fics where they interact. bro and dirk never talk in canon, obviously, so there wasn’t some big spark of a moment where reading homestuck i went ‘oh no bro and dirk should definitely kiss, actually.’ the dave + dirk conversation ABOUT their respective bros is super interesting, though, and can bring a lot of context to this ship that i think definitely has merit. i am just often a fan of striders and patching them together in interesting ways.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

there was a post a while back someone made about how characters in homestuck are reflective mirrors of one another and i think that that is one of the strongest contenders for why i like bro/dirk. it’s a little like haldirk in that way, right, in the way of doppelgangers and doubles, but like. but it’s also...

HUFFS.

dirk can see the quote unquote worst version of himself and have SO many complicated feelings about him and maybe, possibly still find it in himself to love him? like, god, that’s so fucking compelling. and MESSY. what a DISASTER. i love it.

also, hindbrain answer: age difference hot.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on this ship?

you know im not sure what would count as popular/unpopular on a niche ship with a controversial character like this, especially when my reading tastes are so varied. like ive read things where dirk tops (i think u wrote one of those actually maybe) that i adored and i’ve read things where bro would NEVER allow anyone else to top that i was like ‘yeah no that tracks, i’m into it.’

i think i like bro best when acknowledging him as fundamentally wounded, even if he would not care to acknowledge it himself. like i dont mind fics where he’s treated as one dimensional (i have written some myself) but he’s infinitely more interesting as part of a pair when he is COMPLICATED and FUCKED UP and i LOVE THAT FOR HIM

[ankhisms]

just rambling and thinking about various things under the cut

keep replaying the bizarre interaction i had with my psych doctor yesterday because it truly was just so. like ok my psych appointments are usually very quick its usually like ok ur meds are still working cool ill refill them but this time he asked me if i was having any periods of feeling bad and i said "well sometimes i have bad days when i think about the state of the world but thats outside of the meds control" and he was like. "well the state of the world now is pretty stable and not changing its pretty normal and okay right now yknow" and that truly was just. so shocking. like what? what are you TALKING about? what kind of rock are you living under to be saying that the state of the world right now is "normal and okay"??? and like when i think about it this man is MUCH MUCH richer than me and my family and everyone i know and love could ever dream of being so its like. of course he lives in a different world hes got money. but it still was just so like. how can you sit there and say that everything is fine in the world and act like its weird for me to have days where i feel hopeless and crushed under the despair of everything horrible going on in thd world like what.

then the other thing ive been thinking about is how i want to work towards casting aside my embarrassment about simply existing. theres so much deep shame and embarrassment about just being alive engrained in me from a very young age for various reasons to do with abuse and trauma but even now as i try to heal and grow in various ways i notice myself sometimes going "oh (random person who im not even very close to) would think thats embarrassing or weird" about me being excited about my interests or passionate about them or wanting to do something like genuinely wanting to be in power rangers as an actor and im just trying to be like. who cares. who cares if that one random person thinks its ~cringe~. ive already lived my life with my peers thinking im weird because of my autistic and other neurodivergent traits and being isolated and mocked for that and people are always probably going to thimk i act weird because i do not fit into the mold of what a quote unquote normal person is. and obviously there are times where it is helpful to go "wait what would this person think of this" to like stop and think about your actions or to ground myself and remind myself that im loved and obviously if someone is pointing out that youre doing something harmful you need to listen but thats like. different than holding yourself back from being yourself and enjoying yourself in ways that dont harm others just because youre scared people are going to think youre embarrassing or weird. like i already think i do a good job of uhhh whats the word. being genuine. i dont ever really try to present myself as anything except who i am and instead i have to just like be quiet and smother parts of myself like me being closeted in real life yknow im wording this weird but im very honest with people and with how i feel and with who i am but at the same time i feel like i hold myself back out of this fear that ive been talking about and i want to try and work thru that

anyway thank u if u read this ily :)

[birdbizarre]

the human sex talk

okay trolls listen up heres the sex talk your lusus wont give you

im going to try to keep this as basic as possible because its going to be confusing anyway so if youre human and youre reading this thinking wow davesprite why didnt you bring up x im sorry bear with me

okay

humans have two basic sexes male and female

for trolls this split isnt really significant in terms of reproduction obviously universes vary and i dont know about every troll but the sexual dimorphism between trolls is very low compared to say some of your lusii or native animals i know some universes where trolls dont have sexes at all just genders

for humans however outside of medical and scientific intervention only a male sex and female sex pair can produce a child

males of the species are born with what is called a penis this is roughly analogous to the bone bulge of a troll below the penis where a nook is on a troll are the testicles sometimes referred to as the balls

you then have the what do trolls call it waste chute or whatever thats further behind the balls

and thats all that is down there

the penis is a flesh covered muscle that normally hangs limp in front of the pelvis there is no sheath and it does not retract into the body it is usually smaller than a troll bulge so the average range is between four and six inches its generally the same width all the way usually between like an inch or two inches in diameter

the head of the penis can be slightly wider than the shaft but doesnt have to be you can usually tell where the shaft ends and the head begins because the shape is slightly different usually the skin that covers the penis will also cover the head and then there will be a sort of fold where the urethra is at the very tip

the urethra is a small hole and thats where piss and ejaculate come out but well get to that in a bit

some humans however have the fold before the head leaving the more sensitive skin around the urethra exposed this isnt the way humans are born but its pretty common so its worth mentioning you dont really want to know why so dont ask

when a male sex human gets aroused the human body directs blood into the penis muscle which then causes it to stiffen otherwise it would just be sort of floppy and useless during sex this is called getting hard or getting a boner or whatever else theres tons of nicknames for all this stuff those are just the big two

then there are the testicles or balls that i mentioned before these are about the size of a golf ball i guess im not really sure what the best troll analogue is there i guess if you imagine the size of an eyeball that is removed from someones socket its just a little bigger than that but again sometimes its different depending on the human

these are also covered in skin like the rest of the human and theyre not really important for the act of sex but they play a part in reproduction because inside is the males genetic material theyre pretty much just weird flesh sacks so its sort of boring but some humans like them being touched i dont know

lets skip over to the female sex organs so we can see how they fit together

females have the equivalent of a troll nook collectively referred to as the vagina which is composed of several parts they do not have a penis

essentially you have a hole much like a nook and around that hole are a few flaps of skin for protection i guess you cant just leave a hole uncovered its all sort of shaped like a clamshell if you turned it on its side or a sort of vertically oriented oval so the quote unquote tips of the oval are oriented toward the belly button and the waste chute respectively

at the top of the clamshell though still within the skin folds above the vaginal opening and just barely above the female urethra which is just another smaller hole with no sexual purpose is the clitoris this is the big one boys this is the doozy this is essentially the female penis or bulge except its only about as big as a pea and something like fifty thousand times more sensitive than a penis so tread carefully

unfortunately for most ladies the clitoris or clit for short isnt reproductively relevant its just sort of vestigial so while its great for pleasure it often goes neglected which sort of sounds like a shame if you ask me and probably more than half the human population

anyway

you might be wondering well if the human males have balls to hold the genetic material where is it on the female its on the inside

essentially the vagina is like a tube and at the end of the tube it narrows and theres a very small opening called the cervix which is where the vagina technically ends and past the cervix is the uterus which is like a balloon with two small deflated balloons attached on either side called the fallopian tubes and finally at the end of those deflated balloons are the ovaries and thats where the female genetic material is squirreled away like some sort of dragons hoard except the hoard is squishy little things called eggs and each egg holds all of the females genetic material

now again this is all on the inside

now lets get to the big shabang itself sex

if your planet doesnt use the word sex this is what youd call pailing and some parts of this might get sort of scandalous depending on how into pailing culture you are and if youre from alternia or beforus so im sorry if it makes you blush or makes you angry but youve been warned

sex occurs between all genders but the again the only kind of sex that has reproductive merit and can produce descendants is between someone with male sex organs and someone with female sex organs as described above

when a male becomes aroused and gets a boner he will then part the folds of the female and insert his penis into her vagina carefully because the vaginal opening is relatively small compared to the penis but fortunately its flexible and if the female is aroused it produces a lubricant sort of like pre material if everything goes well and the foreplay was good enough it shouldnt be painful though if the female hasnt done it before aka is a virgin it might take some time

from my understanding troll bulges are prehensile so pailing involves a lot of wiggling in the indoor area but human penises are not so from here it just becomes a lot of thrusting straight forward and back changing positions can change the sensation but its really pretty boring to talk about but in practice its fun because if it werent our species would die out obviously

anyway then climax happens this should be pretty self explanatory even for a troll this is when the genetic material is released

for the purposes of reproduction the female doesnt have to orgasm but if youre having sex and you think its over just because the guy came youre a monster always take care of your partner

now youre going to be thinking wait davesprite you skipped a step no i didnt

the male does not pull out of the female to release genetic material i repeat the genetic material remains inside the female this is where it belongs it might be gross and drippy but that doesnt go anywhere its not collected its not put anywhere

in human reproduction there is no bucket

the males genetic material which is called sperm or semen technically two different parts of the same liquid but people use them interchangeably goes through the cervix and into the uterus then it will go up the fallopian tubes where if the timing is right because the female reproductive system is not always ready and thats a whole other lesson i cant go into right now there will be an egg waiting

the genetic material of the male will attempt to merge with the genetic material of the female in the males ejaculate there are tons of little packets of genetic material thats the sperm i mentioned before and these little packets have tails on them which let them swim up to the egg and then attempt to break in like little horny thugs the egg will attempt to kill them so only the strongest reach the center

if one of the sperm is successful and of the millions and millions of sperm released in the semen only one usually ever makes all the way from the cervix to the egg the egg will be fertilized and then it will move down the fallopian tube and embed in the wall of the uterus

by then the sex is long over but the egg remains in the uterus for nine months longer if you dont know what a month is its basically a perigree so nine perigrees give or take a little and then a baby aka a grub comes out of the mother through the vagina

and thats human reproduction we do it ourselves because thats just the human way

thanks for listening ive been davesprite and ill take your questions now

oh wait

faq number one

yes trolls and humans can have sex because while the parts are different they can usually more or less fit together however this wont make a grub or a baby unless your universe allows it which sort of varies but usually the answer is no

faq number two

humans can do it up the waste chute which is how a lot of gay men aka male humans who like other male humans choose to do it because they dont have a vagina or nook again it is extremely rare that this makes a baby though the multiverse is a big big place

okay there you go now ill take any remaining questions

[slipscout]

ive decided i physically cant rewrite this thing to my fullest extent(so i probably wont at all) because not only is the beginning SO plagarized, It literally doesnt make any sense and has about 50 plot holes like:

• Why is she taken to earth and not staying in asgard??? wh???? Loki is presumed dead so obviously why would you take the NOW SECOND HEIR TO THE THRONE AND PUT HER ON EARTH

• I love norse mythology and this is painfully not it

• Why did she turn 16 all of a sudden but later chapters say shes 12 what the fuck happened

• what is aesir biology how old are they and how fast do they grow??? i’ve been thinking cause thor said when loki stabbed him, they were eight, so they dont like ‘stop’ aging/age slowly until they’ve hit the end of puberty, so like... 20ish. and then they age super slow

• why is a literal infant being raised on a top secret worldwide flying airship

• Would it not be easier to just. PUT HER IN STARK TOWER

• also WHYYYYY did i draw so many parallels to myself(oh right its a self insert with different names i forgot)

• why do all of them know each other before the chitauri attack

• why does she act like a know it all shes a literal teenager

• lmao the writing is so bad good job 6th grade me u fungal piece of absolute shit

• im gonna fucking stab myself this is horrible

• I latched onto Nick Fury Is A Shitty Father Figure In The Worst Possible Way AND paired it with the parental fuck ups of superheroes who dont know how to raise a kid

•my original plot line was— Loki went fucking ballistic after sigyn died, tried to take the throne, got his kid taken away from him and sent to earth, THAT shattered him so he fell Into The Void, picked ip Thanos, went to earth to try and take it over (maybe to find his kid, maybe because hes brainwashed, who the fuck knows i was in 6th grade), FIND his kid accidentally, go ‘oh shit ive fucked up’, BREAK OUT OF PRISON, KIDNAP HIS KID, AND THEN GO AND TRY AND CONVINCE EVERYONE HES GOOD NOW. THAT WAS SUCH A SHITTY PLOTLINE IM YELLING—

•the new plotline would have tried to keep it similar so something like: The stress of Ruling Everything, betrayal, and more really fucked him up so he broke the bifrost in an attempt to do what was right, his kid tried to save him, they both go yeeting off the edge and into the void, she gets lucky on earth and he gets fucked over by thanos. Shield picks her up, goes ‘hm we’re not equipped to handle a small child’, something something stark goes ‘hey why does shield have a small kid in a cell’, yoinks her, chitauri happen, shes caught up in it, loki goes ‘oh my fucking god its my kid’ and bolts for it. yada yada lots of explaining they reunite and odins a bitch

• OR instead of both of them falling off the bifrost odin decides ‘hey since loki tried to fuck everything up quote unquote we’re gonna make sure HIS KID DOESNT DO THE SAME THING, promptly yonking her off to earth with half her memories and a bit of magic, and poomf noo morrre fortnite!!! similar stuff happens, coulson is like ‘this is literally not my job description but director fury this is SO inhumane to lock a kid up and take blood samples from her, at least hand her over to an orphanage’, bimp bamp bomp meets peter parker(yes we’re doing this), may adopts both of them because ‘oh shit her nephew made a sibling and well,,, i cant take that away from him but i cant raise two kids???? I can try for child support????’ , stark goes ‘wow these kids are smart, YONK’ and then they get an internship at stark tower PLUS peter finds out hes spiderman, tells her, she goes ‘oh sick sweet tricks’ and finds out SHE CAN PULL THE SAME SUPERHUMAN SHIT HE CAN, and then they have a pair of do-good mini vigilantes roaming around at night and making armor and weapons at SI during the day(and school thats important too), the invasion happens, yada yada, loki goes ‘hey thats my kid!!! what the fuck guys!!!!!’, promptly tries to gtfo with a kid who is just going ‘STRANGER DANGER’ and has to explain everything

•,,,,ok the second one seems so much more fleshed out i kinda wanna roll with it

•i might do it

•watch me do this

•time to go redownload wattpad oh boy i did NOT miss you mwah

yknow i wrote a loki fanfiction when i was like twelve about the obvious norse mythos where loki had a daughter named hela—who is obviously the goddess of death, and like,,,, i STILL get notifications about people commenting on it, like, 5 years later. its amazing and is continuously breaking me down to the point where i literally want to rewrite it for the sake of rewriting it. im so mad. im gonna go break down my rough drafts and figure out what the fuck the plotline was for. goddamnit.

[eagleslouis]

im doing some research a la larrie™ so p much reaching but ok 2015. before otra started louis was mostly mia i think? then "lairport" happened and it was literally the last plane they could catch to get to their concert so idk however they were literally always apart at the time i was like wow its kinda weird but according to this website its the truest love so ok? but my man was out there enjoying life and going to these super cool islands and places and hotels while hetry was hanging out with

whoever then zayn idk they werent together most of 2015 but forp3 i got lost but ok i was blinded at the time but the hug on halloween was like harry didnt dare to until louis was like ok come here but then around promo they looked like there was no bad blood and i think during those london interviews and mexico they were fuckbuddies or maybe they were back together but its just i remember at the time thinking that liam and niall were like??? and rewatching some clips now yea they were kinda confused but 2016? thats when louis forgot a horton existed :)i just sent it now im sorry it got so long i was rambling and going back and doing some more investigating but yeah i think like december 2015/ sometime around the y*ch* it was over and done! also remember those drunk harry vids and pics all over jeff? that was so ugly and people were saying louis was there for 1 day and a half.. pfft. also i dont think fred is louis’ like leaving all that aside that baby thing harry tweeted was so creepy that was when i officially dropped him & ok im done now!@agendrlouie if you want to read this!! its super lengthy and messy so idk but if you want ahsdhfh. but okay ive lowkey been investigating too, like rewatching old interviews, mainly for my enjoyment but also im taking note of hetry. my reply is going to be as messy as this ask rip but okay like. so i think i agree with you about the hug and lairport and all that like bl overhype it because like when you look it at, like, it wasnt that big. but like okay. i think harry was leading louis on in 2015 im pretty confident in that like.. so i disagree with you about them being fuckbuddies but like MAYBE. maybe. cause.. i genuinely think louis was into him a little still in 2015 but harry was just faking it the whole way but like hey? free sex i guess. thats so manipulative so i hope im wrong but. i like your theory about lairport and about being the last flight available and thats the only reason it happened like ashdjjasjd. i hate hate ha te people saying thats when the mile high club happened i want to throw up. but like this is where i get confused and i think i disagree with you. i agree with you that they were apart for the majority of 2015 but like.. i dont think louis was happily single you know like i think he was being led on by harry so??? i think harry was happily single. so like bl say every time they were mia they were together right but like i just ignore that. like obviously louis was living his life with his friends but i dont think he like acknowledged himself as single like i dont think he was going around fucking random men. (but then since i dont think he was fucking hetry at the time.. that means he wouldve had to have a dry spell for a really long time and i doubt that happened so.. maybe the fuckbuddies theory makes sense. good job). and its like every time harry was public he was literally with xander or the azoffs like. he. didnt care. he was literally flaunting this like.. image. idk. and like i skipped around your ask but where you mentioned the drunk harry stuff that fits here too, like him flaunting his sexuality i guess?? rubbing it in louis’ face i guess. so i just genuinely dont think he wanted anything to do with louis. but like thats what confusing me about the promo too?? like?? someone else mentioned like harry didnt fond at louis nearly as much as louis did to him so thats what leads me to think he led him on. and then like the yacht yeah i assume was a slap in the face to louis and now he hates him like. louis would literally never like people like the azoffs like if we are supposed to believe that harry changed because of them like obviously he would have bad blood with him and since harry chose them over him, like.. you know. but anyway idk what im saying. i still think they broke up late 2014 and 2015 was just a facade for harry. cause like i assume louis was so blindsided from the breakup that like.. i dont think harry was nearly as much a snake in 2014 as he was in 2015 so i can see louis believing him with the quote unquote relationship if that makes sense. but yeah now i know my baby is smarter and left henry in the dust. and i dont think louis is the dad either (jot that down autumn) and harrys tweet was sososososos fucked up like the nastiest thing in the world. like 1) hes not gonna directly tweet louis about it but 2) he’ll tweet about a father losing his child. ok. anyway. louis is much better off. but im just mad harrys such a snake. messy.