#like not being able to eat dairy anymore

[vegance]

what was your biggest fear when you first went vegan?

[i-love-the-smell-of-your-blood]

PCOS sucks because sometimes I will just start sweating and it won't stop because PCOS can cause menopause like symptoms and I was unlucky enough to get those.

So sometimes I show up to class no matter what the weather is looking like a sweaty mess and it's so frustrating

[mamaestapa]

Dinner Date & an Unexpected Text

•pairing: Joe Burrow x reader

•series summary: Y/n Hubbard, the younger sister of Cincinnati Bengals Defensive End Sam Hubbard, finds herself in a difficult situation after a steamy hookup with her brothers best friend, who just so happens to be the quarterback for the Bengals. In just nine months their lives will be changed forever. How will Y/n and Joe manage to to go through parenthood together? more so, how will Sam take the news he is going to be the uncle of his best friends baby?

•chapter summary: You and Joe finally go on your first date. The night goes extremely well, until you receive an unexpected text from someone you haven't heard from in a while...

•word count: 3.1k

•warnings: pregnancy, mentions of the scare Joe and reader had back in March, lots of fluff, mentions of SAM, cliffhanger ahead...

series masterlist

———————————————————————

May 6, 2023

5 months pregnant

You ran your fingers through your styled hair, smiling softly at your reflection in the mirror. Tonight, you and Joe were going on your first date. He asked you to be his girlfriend a week ago, and it was one of the greatest and most anticipated moments in your life. It took a few years and an unplanned pregnancy, but you were finally his. You had planned three different dates in the last week, but something came up each time you tried to go.

The first date idea Joe came up with was to take you out to brunch. However, the morning of your brunch date, Joe woke up with a nasty stomach bug. You spent the day taking care of him, which wasn't all that bad, but you both would've much rather spent your day doing other things.

The second date idea Joe came up with was to take you out downtown. The two of you would grab a quick dinner, do some shopping for the baby, and finish the evening off with some ice cream—for only you and the baby, since Joe doesn't eat dairy. However, Joe's plans fell through once again due to you waking up with a sore throat. You spent the morning at the doctors office getting diagnosed with Strep, with the rest of the day being spent with Joe taking care of you and your unborn baby. While you enjoyed the day with Joe, you didn't enjoy the Strep throat.

The third date idea Joe came up with is the one you're finally able to go through with. Joe liked the previous ideas he had come up with, but he figured after the last few days the two of you have had, it needed be something different, nicer. Joe decided that he was going to take you out for a nice dinner to Jeff Ruby's Steakhouse—the restaurant in Cincinnati that has a steak dinner named after him. All this time you’ve lived in Cincinnati, you’ve never been to fancy steakhouse before. So both Joe and you figured this would be the perfect first date.

You turned the light off and exited the bathroom, heading into your room to grab a cute, yet comfortable pair of high heels. Your ankles were a little swollen, but it wasn’t anything too noticeable so you could still get away with wearing heels. However, you know in a couple months you wont be able to wear the same shoes you can now. You found the pair of white heels you were looking for, sliding them onto your feet with ease before you headed downstairs. As you walked down the stairs, Joe whistled at you.

"Look at you." He said with a smirk as his eyes trailed down your figure, taking in your appearance. You blushed at his words and the feeling of his gaze on your body. "It looks a little different on me now." You said, glancing down at the dress you had on.

You were wearing the same dress you wore for your gender reveal party back in early March: the white cami dress with a slit that had pink flowers all over. The last time you wore this dress, you were three, almost four months pregnant. Your baby bump was still pretty small at that point, and the dress fit you like a glove. Now, at five, almost six months pregnant, it doesn't really fit the same anymore. Your belly is much rounder now, growing more and more everyday—which is a good thing. It means your son is healthy and growing like a weed in your womb, just like he's supposed to. Your growing tummy continues to bring you and Joe comfort after the scare you had back in March. Seeing your bump grow was a great reminder to the both of you that your baby boy was still OK.

Not only does the dress tightly hug your growing bump, it also hugs your growing chest, too. You knew your body would grow and change the further you got into your pregnancy, but you weren't expecting your boobs to go up a whole cup size (or two, who knows how they'll end up looking by the end of your pregnancy). Even though the dress is somewhat snug now, you still thought it would be the perfect dress for your first date with Joe.

“You look beautiful in it, Y/n.” Joe said, snaking his arms around your waist and pulling you into him, “even more than you did a couple months ago, and I didn’t think that was possible.” His eyes trailed down your body once again, a small smile pulling at his lips once his eyes landed on your rounded belly. He took his hands off of your waist, placing them on the sides of your bump instead.

“He really pops out in this dress, doesn’t he?”

You placed your hands over Joe’s smiling softly as you looked down at your belly and said, “Yeah, he does”.

You and Joe shared a brief moment of standing in silence. The two of you wore smiles on your faces as you just stared down at your growing bump in awe. Sometimes it still felt surreal knowing that your son was in there. As you stood in silence, Joe’s stomach growled, reminding the two of you of your dinner reservations. You let out a laugh as he removed his hands from your bump.

"Let's go, we've got a reservation in twenty." Joe said as he took his hands away from your belly. You smiled, reaching out for your small purse. "Sounds good to me."

With that, you and Joe left the kitchen and headed out to the garage, the two of you getting into his car and heading out to your date. As Joe drove to Jeff Ruby's, he kept one hand on the steering wheel and the other on your belly. He always had to keep a hand on you when he drove, and you loved it. It was a comforting gesture for both you and your unborn son.

~time skip~

"So what do you recommend here?" You asked Joe as you scanned over all of the options. The menu was a lot to unpack, with an overwhelming amount of steak meals to choose from. You knew you were starving and everything sounded good, but you didn't know what to get.

"Well," Joe sighed, placing his menu down on the cloth covered table as he looked into your eyes. A small smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth as he responded to your question, "I may be biased, but the Steak Burrow is pretty good." Your lips pulled into a small smile as both of you chuckled softly at his suggestion.

In 2020, the owner of Jeff Ruby's named a steak dinner after Joe after winning the Heisman trophy. In Joe's Heisman speech, he described situations of food insecurities and poverty in his hometown of Athens, Ohio. His speech inspired Jeff Ruby to create a dish dedicated to Joe known as the "Steak Burrow": a delicious 16oz blackened prime ribeye with creole crawfish sauce--the crawfish being included from Joe's time at LSU. Not only is the dinner named after Joe, but every time a customer orders the Steak Burrow, nine dollars gets donated to the Athens County Food Pantry. Joe has done a lot of charity work to help the people of Athens and all over the state of Ohio that struggle with poverty and food insecurity. You truly couldn't be more proud of him and all that he's accomplished.

"I'll take your word for it..." you trailed off, closing the menu and placing it down on the table as you reached for your glass of water, taking a sip before continuing, "It sounds good, plus, I'll be supporting a good cause." You finished with a wink, making Joe smile. However, his smile faltered as he narrowed his eyes at you.

"What?" you asked, laughing lightly. Joe's sudden shift in mood had you growing confused. Joe wet his lips and cocked his head to the side slightly as he spoke, "Are you able to have crawfish?" You lips formed in a straight line at Joe's question. You hadn't really thought about it, but you assumed you could eat crawfish. But, I can't eat sushi, so maybe I can't...you thought to yourself as Joe gave you his best RBF.

"I think I can have it." You said, giving Joe a small nod. "You think?"

"Yep." you shrugged. Joe shook his head, he was ready to argue with you on this one.

"I just don't want you to hurt the baby."

"Eating crawfish won't hurt the baby."

"You don't know that, what if you get food poisoning or worse, some nasty parasite." Joe grumbled out in disgust. You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend’s words, "I'm not going to get a parasite, Joe."

"I just don't want to risk it," he sighed, reaching out for your hand that was on the table. He squeezed it gently as he spoke, "I don't want you eating something you're not one hundred percent certain that you can or can't have."

You smiled slightly at Joe's words. He was always concerned about you and the baby, making sure that both of you were safe and sound at all times--no matter the circumstance. You sighed in defeat, knowing you wouldn't win this argument.

"Fine. I won't eat the crawfish." You sighed, your response making Joe smile and let his shoulders fall in relief, "Thank you."

"I'm still get the Steak Burrow though," you said, pointing at Joe, "baby boy and I want to support you and all the great things you've done for the people of Ohio."

Joe smiled warmly, his cheeks turning rosy from your words of praise, "Thank you Y/n."

Before you could make another sweet comment, the waiter came back over to your table, asking you and Joe if you were ready to order. You said "yes", both of you ordering the Steak Burrow. You and Joe thanked the waiter as Joe handed him the menus, a tight lipped smile on his face as he nodded in response to the waiters thanks. Joe readjusted his napkin on his lap before he turned his attention back to you. There were many things the two of you could talk about as this was your first official date, but Joe wanted to ask the important questions first. The questions about your baby boy, his baby boy.

"So," he breathed out as he let his blue eyes fall to your swollen belly, "when's your next ultrasound?"

"Not for a couple weeks," you smiled softly as you placed your cup of water back down on the table, "I do have my glucose test next week though." Joe grimaced. He's heard that the glucose test isn't the most enjoyable test for a pregnant woman.

"Yeah," you chuckled softly at Joe's face, "I'm not too excited for it, but hopefully I pass so I don't have to do the three hour test, too." Joe nodded in agreement. He didn't want you to have to go through that either. The one hour test was already enough in his opinion (and yours too). You and Joe spent the next twenty minutes talking about the baby. Both of you had so much to talk about regarding your baby boy and his arrival when the season starts, so you figured now would be the perfect time to start some of those conversations. You decided that starting a nursery soon would be a good idea, and that it might be smart to throw around some name ideas too. You couldn't call the little guy "baby boy" forever. As you and Joe talked about your son, you couldn't help the grin that pulled at your lips as Joe gushed about the tiny newborn clothes he saw on the Nike website a few nights ago. It filled your heart with joy to see Joe so excited about the baby, and you knew that excitement was only going to grow the closer you got to the baby's due date.

Joe smiled softly, bringing a veiny hand forward and letting it rest on the table as he grabbed your hand and entwined his fingers with yours. Your smile matched his as you lovingly squeezed his hand.

"Thank you, Y/n." Joe spoke quietly, yet wholeheartedly as he gazed into your eyes. You furrowed your brows slightly in confusion, letting out a small laugh, "For what?" You asked.

"Everything." He said, the words escaping his pink lips in a tone just above a whisper. Joe gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing slightly in his throat as he did so. "I'm glad we were finally able to do this."

"Me too," you responded, your voice matching your boyfriends, "I've waited for this moment for a long time." Joe squeezed your hand once again, his lips turning into a huge grin as the corners of his beautiful blues crinkled in sync with the curvature of his lips. "I have too," he sighed softly before he continued, "I should've taken you on this date years ago, but..." he trailed off. You nodded and pulled your lips into a straight line. You knew exactly what he was referring to.

"I know," you replied softly, letting out a light laugh, "I know." Joe chuckled at your response. He nodded as he said, "But I'm really happy we get to do this now. This," he said, gesturing between the two of you, "it feels right."

"It does," you said, nodding in agreement. Joe smiled softly at you, looking like he wanted to say more; however, he was cut off by the waiter coming to your table with your food. He placed a plate down in front of both you and Joe, asking if the two of you needed anything else. You and Joe both said no, but the waiter gave the two of you a knowing look with a slight smirk on his face before he left the table for a brief moment. You and Joe both sat in your seats filled with confusion. The waiter came back to the table with a bottle of rose in his hand. He pulled two champagne flutes off of an empty table and placed them down on yours. He popped the cork off of the bottle and poured each you and Joe a glass.

"Non-alcoholic, on the house." The man said, smiling as he pulled the bottle away from your glass. "Thank you for all that you do for the community, Joe."

Joe gave a curt nod in response, smiling softly as he replied, "Yeah, of course. This community means a lot to me, it's the least I could do."

The waiter thanked him again and before he walked away, he wished you and Joe well, telling you both to enjoy your date together. You smiled and thanked the man before you and Joe both began to indulge in your delicious steak dinner.

As you were eating your meal, you couldn't help but let out moans of pleasure from the taste of the steak and the mixture of the crawfish sauce. The Steak Burrow was divine.

"This better than McDonald's?" Joe asked with a smirk of amusement as your content moans filled his ear. You chuckled softly, wiping the corners of your mouth with the napkin draped over your lap. "Much." You reply, making Joe smile and let out that laugh of his that you love so much. As you placed your napkin back on your lap, you felt your phone vibrate. You were going to let it go because you were on a date and you didn't want to be rude, but something inside of you told you needed to check it. You pulled your phone out, heart dropping to your stomach and all the color leaving your face as you read the text you received from someone you haven't heard from in a long time...

Sam- Hey Y/n. I know we haven't talked in a while, but I really need to talk to you and Joe about something. If you're up for it, can we meet up next Thursday? I miss you. Hope you and the baby are doing OK. Love you Y/n/n.

You shut your phone off and let out a sigh. You looked up at Joe, seeing his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and face full of concern as he looked at you.

"What it is, sweets?" He asked quietly, fearing the worst based on your reaction.

"It's Sam," you stated, "he needs to talk to us, Joe."

omg hi loves!!! it’s been SO LONG! hopefully you’re all still around for this series lol

i’m so sorry that’s it’s been like almost two months since i’ve updated this series. as you know, i’m in my first year of college. it’s so much fun and i love it so much, but it’s also a lot lol. it took me some time to get adjusted to this new chapter of my life, but i’ve finally gotten used to the college life and im happy to say that i am BACK to my tumblr writing!!🥳

it was nice to have a little break and just focus on me, but i missed writing and working on updates for you all.

updates will be a little slow, but they’ll happen! i’ll try to get a chapter out every week, but no promises. they’ll definitely be posted every week or every two weeks though :)

i feel like i have so much to say, but i don’t even know what to say. i apologize again for the lack of updates, and i also apologize if this chapter SUCKS because ive been dealing with writers block AND a writing break…so my writing is a little rusty lol

also sam and his drama making an appearance again…how do we feel about that??👀

anyways, thank you all so much for being patient with me as you waited for updates. you are all so kind and so supportive. YOURE THE BEST BABES FR🫂🤍

tags: @dandelionwrites8 @joeburreauxsworld @theflawedwriter @mrsshiesty @ann288 @ijustcrypretty @theoneandonlyfanz @wickedfun9 @venus-b @hummusxx @stainednailpolishremover @a-moment-captured @alternativemadchen @erinmartin1987 @sirlewisworld @kkrenae @unhingedfangirl @sublimemusic-rebel @meameagirl @ilovejoeburroww @hallecarey1 @j-worlds-blog @blinkloverx3 @jordyn14 @kristencochefski1125 @ryiamarie @unsaidjaelinrose @sinners-98-world @ozwriterchick @evernova @fangirl-madz @jackharloww @fantasywritersstuff @emherb10

[lunaryfairy]

Trigger Warning: Rare Illness/Health Issues [wasn't sure if this need a tw but these topics make some ppl uncomfy so i wanted to be considerate anyway💜]

so a lot of ppl have been asking me why i don't post pics anymore or why i have barely been on social media compared to how i used to be. and the reason is i've been having severe health issues for a very long time. i can't even remember the last time i went more than a month without feeling nauseous, or actually throwing up, or just having headaches and stomach pain that are so bad i can barely tolerate them.

i've known for a while that i have gastritis, but my mom & my bf convinced me to go to a new doctor for a second opinion. after months & months of pure agony and feeling exhausted and sick to the point where i have no energy, i finally know why. i went to a specialist and discovered i have a rare illness called CVS (Cyclic vomiting syndrome). and i also am lactose intolerant which was amplifying my symptoms because i eat dairy products constantly.

i am going to be starting treatment for it and i really hope it improves my life and my ability to function because i am so tired of "living" like this. just existing has been exhausting and painful. i literally haven't been able to accomplish any of the goals i have because i can't go more than a few days without feeling horrible.

i already feel useless because i'm autistic and i have bipolar 1 and i'm waiting on disability payments to come through because i am unable to work with my disabilities. so my bf has been working and doing his best to take care of me and our kids. i just feel so horrible and guilty all the time. and i genuinely didn't know why i feel sick 24/7. all i want is to feel like myself again. and to do all the things i miss doing. i feel like i'm trapped by this illness.

i'm grateful to have answers and know what i'm dealing with finally. but after suffering like this almost every single day for so long its so hard to feel hopeful for the future at this point. i'm literally in tears as i type this. its just been really bad. i never do my makeup anymore or feel good about myself. i can barely move sometimes because the pain in my stomach is so bad or i get pain in my throat from vomiting for hours at a time, and then i get MORE pain from dry heaving due to not being able to hold down any food. and then i get random migraines and headaches that last all day as a result of all of that. its taking a huge toll on my body and my mental health. my depression gets worse during the winter season so when this started getting really bad it just made my mental health a million times worse. its literal hell.

but yeah thats why i haven't been online. real life is hard enough and i haven't been motivated to post because of the hell i'm going through or a lot of the time i physically CAN'T make content. but i'm going to keep trying. i'm going to do every fucking thing my doctors tell me to do because im so fed up with suffering. i promise that i will make content again and post the things i create and other stuff i used to post about before i stopped being able to function. as soon as i start to feel semi normal or at least well enough to do daily activities and complete even small goals, i will post about it. i'll keep u guys updated.

i appreciate every single person who follows me and my content, and all the ppl who keep checking up on me and wondering where the fuck i went. i love you guys so much💜 and i'm so sorry to all the ppl who haven't heard from me. if i can gain at least a little bit of my physical strength and health back, i will be so happy. i also am trying to get vitamins prescribed to me because im severely lacking nutrients but they are so expensive and i can't afford them out of pocket until i get my disability money. i'm also anemic and have to start taking iron supplements again. i'm just a giant ball of health issues😭 its actually ridiculous how bad my health has been. but i'm a mom and for that reason i will never stop trying. i will do whatever it takes to get better. i don't think my health could get much worse than it is currently. hopefully i didn't just jinx myself by saying that😭

sorry for the super long explanation, i just have sooo many messages in my inbox and questions that you guys send me that i haven't answered. i don't want to leave u in the dark. the connections i've made on this silly little blog mean the world to me. and everything i've been going through has been so hard to explain. but since i recently got a REAL answer as to why i'm suffering so much, i felt it was a good time to let you guys know what is going on with me. like i said, when i am able to feel somewhat normal again i will post consistently and re-open my shop too! it sucks so bad having a passion for creating but being too sick to even get out of bed other than to get sick in the bathroom. i've been to the emergency room more times this month than i have in the last 4 years. if i can overcome this awfulness i will not take it for granted. i will work harder than i ever have to create and share it with the world. but for now i just have to sit back and do whatever my doctors tell me to do and hope to god that it helps me 😞

[lizziebeanz]

It's so interesting to me how not consuming meat or animal byproducts like eggs and dairy for years will open your eyes to how these things actually smell.

Before I was vegan, I liked stinky, pungent cheese and bacon and ground beef and whatever else. The smell of meat cooking smelled good to me. Dairy smelled good to me or didn't have a smell.

After being meat free for 6 years and dairy/egg free for 4 years, ALL dairy products smell rancid regardless of if they've actually gone bad or not. Imagine you leave a container of sour cream in a hot car for a week and then come back — THAT is what all dairy products smell like. It's wild to me that I wasn't able to smell it until I stopped eating it. I can tell when a restaurant cooks their vegetables in butter because they will smell like rotten milk and my mom thinks I'm making it up in my head because she can't smell it.

My dad cooked bacon for his breakfast this morning and I gagged, I had to close the bedroom door to mute the smell, but it lingers in the air of the kitchen where I work. Like you were hanging out in a room where a bunch of people are sweating and breathing hot, smelly breath together. Just putrid B.O. smell. Same with any other fatty fleshy product. Similar to an ear cheese scent/earring back smell, just a nasty, sickly bodily odor. And I used to love waking up to the smell of bacon in the morning. Used to love the smell of ground beef being cooked for pasta dishes.

Eggs smell so much more strongly of sulfur. Just a giant fart settling into the air. Fish smells like death rot.

Call it childish, whatever, I'm not making fun of bodily functions, I'm pointing out that corpses and byproducts of bodies tend to rot and there is a very distinct and disgusting smell that comes with the rot of each of these items. A smell that most people don't recognize because they've not distanced themselves from it for a long enough period of time to notice it. And I'm ranting about having to smell it because I do not have my own place anymore.

I miss having my own space that was free from these abhorrent smells.

[definitelynotshouting]

you've talked before about how the watchers are going to go extinct at some point in the future due to being competed out of their ecological niche by the listeners. which got me thinking. couldn't... something that might prevent that... be... whatever doc's machine is going to be? LIKE. don't get me wrong that would not be a good or workable idea for many, MANY reasons on ALL sides here. it's not like the continued existence of the watchers as a race is even something that literally any character in the fic, including and especially grian, even actually wants, like grian would be jumping for joy if you walked up to him and told him the watchers are gonna go extinct. but like. it's coming to me that the eventual endpoint of the fic is that grian's food issues are taken care of and he will be secure and well-fed for the foreseeable future, while the rest of the watchers as a society are doomed to slow extinction via starvation. which just. idk. makes me feel stuff.

Tbh i also feel things about this-- theres a very grim undertone to the whole au when you really look at it beyond Grian's experiences. It is, i think, at its core a quietly bleak concept, and i dont blame you for having some weird feelings about it. I dont necessarily set out to make those canon ofc, but sometimes the worldbuilding leads to these kind of conclusions, and its definitely very gut-wrenching when you really think about it

Ideally, yes, Doc's machine would be able to feed the Watchers-- though whether or not they'd accept that solution is a different story. I think the best way i can give some insight on this is via an analogy; think of, lets say....... livestock. You're a keeper of livestock, and one day one of your cows comes up to you and offers you a limitless supply of raw potatoes in exchange for not eating cows anymore. And like-- you could!! You could do that!!! Potatoes are nutritionally capable of supporting the vast majority of your needs, food-wise, but theyre just. Raw potatoes. They taste bad and they're ultimately very boring to eat day after day. And maybe if you're looking to turn vegan, you'd take this offer in less than a heartbeat. But your average person is not gonna wanna give up dairy or steak, or their livelihood. Its kinda like that-- the Players are a food source for Watchers, and barring that, a cradle for Watcher larvae.

I think ultimately Grian wouldnt like. Be jumping for joy at the concept of the Watchers going extinct-- i think his reaction would be far more complicated, marked by both compassion (he's starved-- he knows how terrible it is) and fear (they are the main source of his trauma). Like i just generally think his feelings on the matter boil down to "i hope i never have to see them again, they can go exist over there as far away from me as possible" if that makes sense. But i wouldnt say he'd be cheering for their deaths-- just that once its clear Listeners are competing them out, it'd be a foregone conclusion to him. A very objectively sad but inescapable inevitability :(

[fairchilds-glasses]

Junior survives (from an appendicitis) and lives with Miss Fairchild AU 

When Rachel brings Junior home from the hospital after getting his appendix removed, everyone is very careful with him and basically doesn’t let him do anything. The kids quickly have him sit on the couch so he doesn’t need to walk around much, making sure he has plenty of pillows and blankets. 

Junior isn’t used to being pampered this much, even when he was normally sick, so it was certainly new. He liked it but it was hard for him to get used to, especially with some of the side effects he had after, like the constant exhaustion. He napped at least four times on the day he came home, one of them being a short nap he had during the car ride from the hospital to the house. 

Either way, needing help to get up and walk to the bathroom or to his room was somewhat frustrating for Junior. Along with not being able to eat what the others can eat for a couple weeks, only being allowed to eat bland things like rice or toast and he couldn’t have any dairy or caffeine. His coffee-loving ass was suffering do this time. 

But at least the kids and Rachel were always there for him, even if Rachel would check up on him multiple times throughout the night to make sure Junior was okay and wasn’t in any pain or didn’t need any help. Her concern and overprotectiveness was kind of sweet to Junior. 

Omg this is so sweet!

The recovery period was definitely a strange and stressful time for everyone. Junior isn’t used to being pampered all the time but it’s just something he has to get used to especially since the others are adamant that he needs to rest as much as possible to help him recover faster. He spends a lot of his time napping considering he felt constantly exhausted and the kids were happy enough to bring him anything he needed while he recovered.

Junior is definitely not impressed that he’s only allowed to eat bland stuff like rice or toast and he’s extremely unimpressed by the fact that he’s not allowed caffeine but Rachel assures him that it’s for his own good. He also hated the fact that he couldn’t do simple things like walking or getting to the bathroom without help anymore although he is grateful that everyone is willing to help him out.

Rachel is constantly checking on him throughout the night just to make sure he’s alright and not in any pain at all, she also makes sure to remind him to take his painkillers whenever it’s time for him to take them. She’s extremely overprotective of Junior, especially when he’s in a state like this but he finds it kind of sweet.

[trannydean-moved]

something that really upsets me is when people don't take their friends' or families' food allergies/intolerances into consideration when they're dealing with food. i myself have none, but my dad has a lethal intolerance to gluten due to his many health problems, as well as a lesser intolerance of dairy and many other things. we're unable to keep gluten in the house. my dad can't even smell it in the air without getting sick. we have to go to great lengths to make sure we don't somehow cross contaminate anything--we spray down our groceries with vinegar before putting em away, anyone who comes to our house has to spray their hands of, if any of us go anywhere and touch anything, we have to spray our hands off. my mom literally had to come up with so many ways to convert regular meals into gluten and dairy free varieties. it was extremely difficult at first, but she's literally a genius for being able to do all she's done to make sure we can all eat together, and eat good food. so when i see people who have food allergies or intolerances and their family and friends don't care enough to be fucking normal about it. we barely have anyone over and no one in the household have many friends anymore because no one wants to go through the hassle of taking my dad's condition into consideration. i have kinda accepted this since it's been like this for us for so long. but i see other people talk about how their families don't give a shit about their condition. and it upsets me so much because my guy??? this is shit the person can't help whatsoever. just have some human decency, get your head out of your ass, and take the person's needs into consideration.

[l1tw1ck]

I'm really fearing that my lactose intolerance is spreading to chocolate, since I feel like I consumed a dairy product, yet the only thing that really matches up with what I've eaten today is chocolate. Help, I don't want to have to remove chocolate from my list of foods I eat, it's the only type of sweets I like.

-⛩️

maybe you can try lactose free chocolate? im not lactose intolerant but i understand not being able to eat a food you really like anymore, i can't eat cupcakes anymore because they make me sick 💔

[adelle-ein]

my blood results show medically significant dehydration AGAIN and i'm realizing how out of control my not-drinking issues have gotten. i'm having just enough water to function, basically. i'm a little bit thirsty most of the time and i just. won't. drink. i am thirsty right now there is a cup of water within reach and i am NOT DRINKING IT and i don't know whyyyy. the very act of drinking has become unpleasant and something to avoid. and like, i can't just drink other things. i loathe juice and energy drinks, i choke on carbonation, i can't have dairy and i don't like drinking oat/nut milks straight. i only like heavily diluted lemonade. and now water tastes bad and drinking in general just FEELS bad, the thought of it makes me feel ill. i can only tolerate drinking at meals basically and i can't just eat all day in order to drink! i know one factor was that they did mandatory apartment renovations and replaced my fridge with a worse one that has no dispenser or filter for ice/water, so it's a hassle to get ice and the water is unfiltered and tastes lousy. but i got a brita pitcher and....it's hard to lift and doesn't help. the problem predates the fridge though it just accelerated it. (also it's a fridge you have to bend down to get into and with fibro and vertigo it's just hell to use but that's a rant for another day)

i'm not a picky eater, beyond not being able to have dairy i eat most things, i'm a picky drinker.....i worked really hard to not be a picky eater but i never. worked on drinks. bc i thought water was enough. but now water is Bad

the kicker is that kidney stones run in my family and my dad has severe ones and i absolutely cannot let this continue or i am risking severe health problems and i'm STILL NOT DOING IT and i don't know why. it's horrible. i feel like a child lmao

anyway all of this to say that i think getting a really good water bottle that meets all my incredibly demanding specifics would be helpful. but the specifics are insane. straw style, no "bad" textures (there are many bad textures), dishwasher safe, not too big or too small, not heavy (i can't lift shit bc fibro), ideally "cute" to help motivate me to use it, leakproof, easy and fast to assemble......i'm in shopping hell rn trying to find something. why are all the straws SILICONE. i am not putting squishy in my mouth! gross!!!!

basically my sensory issues may be slightly out of control. i genuinely don't know what they are, if it's an ocd thing or i have something else undiagnosed, but they've pretty much gone ignored. i've had them my whole life but the last few years have gotten crazy. had to revamp my wardrobe, cut off my hair, the whole nine yards just to function. i only wear a mask in crowded or otherwise super-important situations because i can't tolerate it anymore when it used to be unpleasant but fine....i had to throw out all my pants.....i need noise canceling headphones all the time but they also hurt my ears and i can't tolerate earplugs at all........it SUCKS. sucks. i'm 26. this was not a problem when i was 6. i feel like i'm just going backwards and i'm sad about it.

[boy-on-venus]

an update??

i have been looking for a new job for a while now, but everywhere around me does not pay well and it is so frustrating trying to look around when no one will reach back out.

at the moment i have been doing okay with my mental health, but the stress of saving money is really hitting me.

i have also been trying to go to the gym more constantly, but sometimes it just seems like it is so hard to go.

i do however have a goal; i don't want to enter my 25 year around the sun disliking my appearance. ever since the covid lockdown i have really gained weight, and i've never been so self conscious with myself. it's like a new level of self hate, but i know it is something that i can work o, and i am.

a good update is that A is getting medically discharged from the military, so that means we will be able to leave fl soon, but it cannot come soon enough if i'm being honest.

i do still miss my friends a whole lot, and it makes me upset that for over a year, none of them have made an attempt to come out and see me in fl. when i tell them that i am moving to az they all get excited because i will be closer, and i understand that it would be easier, but i feel like at least one of them could have come out here to visit and stay for at least a weekend.

i'm, also very excited to be a lot closer to my family when i move to az. the amount that i miss all of them is insane, but a five hour drive or one hour plane ride is a lot better than around $700 plane ticket and a whole day of traveling.

A and i also tried to follow a new diet, where we did not eat gluten or dairy. it did not last long if i'm going to be honest. it's hard to follow a strict diet when there's not much money to buy the supplies that you need. so we decided that we can cut out most of the foods that were bad for us, but not completely restrict ourselves from all the food. hopefully that will help both of us lose some weight because he also needs to as well. we have both gotten chubby and it has definity negatively impacted our sex drive which is upsetting.

anyway, here's to a healthier rest of the year. and the premiere of The Little Mermaid!

honestly, i don't even know how to use tumblr anymore.

goodnight for now.

x

[motorclit]

Due to my fast metabolism, I was always skinny since nobody taught me how to diet properly, so despite eating whatever I wanted (and always eating A LOT), I never got to an average weight throughout my adolescence and early adulthood. I had a few people say that they wish they had my body but keep the boobs they had (thanks, assholes), but most of it was people accusing me of having an eating disorder.

Fast-forward for 2021 and after an ER trip due to a severe anal fissure, it let to me getting laparoscopic surgery later that year. I was VERY underweight because my endometriosis cyst was pinching my intestine some, creating a bottlenecking effect that made digesting food and bowel movements EXTREMELY PAINFUL to the point where I ended up eating very little each day, wondering if I'll ever be able to eat full meals again.

After a successful recovery, but still weary of how some foods might still affect me (red meat and straight plain dairy milk is a VERY BIG NO-NO as well as heavily processed foods and fast foods), I still had no idea how to diet yet. But I wanted to see a counselor for abandonment issues.

She specialized in eating disorders and refused to believe me, even claiming to get me on a shake plan before getting me on solids DESPITE THE FACT THAT IVE ALWAYS EATEN SOLIDS THIS WHOLE TIME. The bitch diagnosed me with anorexia despite never asking for my history or views of food. She kept gaslighting me and tried to get me into in-patient care. I ended up HAVING to manipulate the conversation to get her to suggest to bring my husband in so she thinks he takes her side.

When he took MY side, she ignored him like he didn't exist. And when she kept taking the convo in circles, I told her I was done with her. And she was pissed.

She wanted to make a quick buck off me cuz of my insurance, but she somehow fucking got ME absolutely OBSESSED with a weight scale because I was so afraid of those accusations.

I did manage to see a dietician but when I told her the situation, she immediately assumed that I was also anorexic and just... begged me to eat more. I kept repeating that I need to know what all foods I can eat because I don't wanna make anything worse for my endo and I need to know what else fucks with my guts, how much of a thing is too much before it pisses off my endo, etc. Until FINALLY she acknowledges my concerns and sounded ANNOYED when she told me, "I don't understand what endometriosis has to do with the digestive system." (I'm glad my insurance covered that visit because I'd be outta $300+ just for some no-effort "specialist" to tell me to just eat more and then recommend that Ensure shake which after about a month of using (and STRUGGLING to gain weight), I get painful bloating because of the fucking carageenan in it).

I'm proud to say I did manage to get to an average weight FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE after searching more about the Mediterranean diet and discovering the Yuka app to ease my ingredient anxieties (regarding additives and shit like that). I'm also exercising to build muscle too, but no shakes. Fuck that. I don't need anymore pain.

The focus on skinny being a goal has made people think that no matter what if you lose weight, it's good, or if you've lost too much weight then you did it on purpose because you don't feel skinny enough. Which obviously stems from fatphobia. And this shit is gonna get people hurt or worse.

People need to stop assuming that weight-loss is always a good thing or that it's somebody's goal.

Anyway, I don't trust most counselors or therapists now and after looking up and finding therapists that would actually help me, they don't take Medicaid, so.... I'll just stick with using my tarot cards. It's more affordable and hasn't told me shit about my stupid fucking BMI.

[cappurrccino]

most annoying thing about not being able to eat dairy is that it's in. just. everything. which eliminates like 95% of all restaurants (did you know arby's potato cakes have dairy in them? neither did i until i looked at the allergen list), and most SPECIFICALLY, in THIS particular instant of frustration, eliminates donuts. other breakfast pastries, too (rip cheese danishes) but i was thinking about how we'd always get donuts on sundays as kids and i can't do that anymore no matter how badly i want a lemon donut again and i'm...

>:(

[plrplanet]

Discover Effective Strategies On How To Kickstart Your Vegan Fitness Plan! I’ll Personally Show You Simple Ways To Stay Healthy And Get The Kind Of Body You’re Proud Of When You Go Vegan… Here’s something interesting. Once mocked as a cult-like fad trend, veganism has started becoming more popular and mainstream in the United States. Today’s vegans come from all walks of life including working mums, college students, teenagers, even professional athletes. Vegans have since come a long way and the good news? – Vegans don’t have to stick to just plain old steamed vegetables and brown rice anymore. In fact, there are now more diversity in terms of cooking and choosing the right kind of ingredients for your vegan diet. And more vegan dishes available with restaurants promoting their plant-only menu. Now Take A Look At These Numbers… In 2009, only one percent of the US population are vegetarian or vegan. Now, five percent of Americans are vegan. And of all these vegans, the majority are women. But that’s not all… Because soon after that, men started following this lifestyle. Google even found a three-fold increase in vegan searches. As you can see by now, the vegan lifestyle garnered the attention of many health enthusiasts worldwide. Famous Athletes Play A Role In Promoting The Vegan Lifestyle Have you ever wondered why many prominent athletes opt for plant-based protein instead of animal protein? That’s because research by the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition showed that plant-protein diets is the better choice for building muscles. Let me explain. Plant-based protein is packed with antioxidants and fibers which can enhance body recovery. Less inflammation in the body would mean that athletes only need minimal amount of time to heal from muscle aches and pains. Also, did you know that you don’t need meat, dairy, egg whites or proteins like chicken or fish to build muscles for you? That’s right, you don’t. In fact, the kind of plant-based foods that can help you build muscle mass are alkaline. They increase your body’s pH levels to combat inflammation, which is common when you consume large amount of animal protein. Superfoods like tempeh, quinoa, pumpkin seeds and almond butter are great sources of plant protein. And there’s no better time than now to start turning the tables in your favour… It’s Time To Look Good and Feel Better Like Never Before! You’re About To Discover Amazing Ways ToImprove Your Life By Going Vegan Today’s your lucky day because I’m giving you FULL ACCESS to… My entire collection of how to begin your vegan journey and reap the full benefits of being one! And for the first time ever, they’ve been compiled into one incredible blueprint… Workout plans for vegans Testimonials of vegan athletes Dietary outline Tips for transitioning into Veganism Debunking common myths … and MANY more! Just know that I’ve spent hundreds and thousands of dollars into developing these proven strategies to give you the best experience out of your vegan lifestyle. And here’s your golden opportunity to learn my secrets to getting the kind of lean and healthy body you want when you eat vegan. I’m granting you the permission to follow my method and apply it into your new transformational lifestyle. It’s Your Chance Now To Unleash Your Inner Vegan And Go Beyond Your Boundaries! With Your Permission, Allow Me To Introduce You To… Spartan Vegan A Life-Changing Blueprint On How You Can Kickstart Your Vegan Diet Today! Spartan Vegan is your go-to Masterguide on ways to attaining the lean and healthy physique you want on a vegan diet. You will discover the truth behind commonly known misconceptions people have towards this amazing lifestyle. Find out how prominent athletes are able to stay at the top of their game on a plant-based diet. In The Most Natural Way! Here’s What I’ll Be Sharing With You Exclusively… The ever popular craze behind veganism Ways to begin your vegan journey for better health and performance Debunking the myths and misconceptions you might have about vegans The list of famous athletes who opt for the vegan lifestyle despite initial criticism Simple workout plans for vegans to achieve the lean physique they want … And SO much more waiting to be uncovered inside! Is Going Vegan A Far Superior Choice?I’ll Let You Be The Judge Of That… If you’re an adrenaline junkie then you’re be in for a ride! Because these amazing tough muscles will strengthen your bones, tendons and ligaments… Here’s the good news: They minimize the risk of injuries that can occur during physical activities – sports competitions, extreme sports, boot camps…You name it! Not a fan of the extreme? No matter then because there’s more to these hard rock babies than meets the eye! They’ll help your body to burn more calories throughout the day. Making even the simplest and most relaxing work outs to burn calories twice the amount of speed. Remember: the more calories you burn, the more fats you burn. This Blueprint Is A Must-Have If You Want To: Get fit and maintain the body you’ve always wanted effortlessly Incorporate different kinds of new and delicious foods you’ve never tasted into your diet Lower your risk of chronic diseases like heart attack and type 2 diabetes Boost your mood and help treat symptoms of anxiety and depression with a plant-based diet You will begin to see mind-blowing results and notice positive changes when you apply what you’re about to learn in this life-changing blueprint. To sum it all up, you will: Improve your fitness and overall well being Have better digestion and skin complexion Save more money on takeouts and junk foods Feel more energized by shedding off excess weight And that’s just the tip of the iceberg! The benefits of eating vegan are simply endless! Master Resell Rights (MRR) Terms & Conditions[YES] Can be sold “as is” but not for less than $7[YES] Can pass on the Resell Rights privilege (MRR) to your customers[YES] Can add this product to a Membership Site or Bundled Within aProduct Package as a Bonus[YES] Can giveaway this product (NOT the editable source code files) toyour subscribers, members or customers as a bonus or gift[YES] Can giveaway the lead generation report (if any) for email listbuilding purposes[YES] Can edit the salespage(s) with your personal details and order link[YES] Can be used as basis for your webinar/seminar[YES] Can be added to paid membership sites[NO] Can sell Private Label Rights (PLR)[NO] Add to a free membership sites[NO] You can’t just pass away the product to anyone[NO] Content of this product can be edited, modified or altered

[dragonclady]

I don't like who I am now (or the different lives we live watching others).

I used to watch videos of a girl showing how her job at a Dairy Queen ice cream shop worked. The constant, mundane routine, the calm way the girl explained how it all worked, the different flavors and so on, sparked in me a sense of contentment and comfort; I could spend hours binge-watching the short videos, eating cookies, desiring all the ice creams she made and wondering what they must taste like. A routine with no changes has always calmed me. I wake up and know exactly how the day will be, the things I need to do will be absolutely the same. This brings me a certain kind of tranquility.

But one of the contradictory consequences of this is that routine suffocates me. Often, breaking away from routine and monotony, and being able to do something different – but the idea that I’ll have to deal with the “new,” without even knowing how to handle or do something with it – triggers parts of me that I can’t manage. I call these parts “versions.” Each version of me likes something different, likes to act in a certain way. There are many different things, all the “wants” diverge from each other. It’s strange, but I swear I’m not a walking Fragmented.

But it is in these moments that I don’t know how to be or act. I can do the same things I’m used to, and still, it will seem like I’ve never done them before. It’s days like these, that don’t seem to end, where I don’t know how to feel what I truly am. On these days, I can’t say what I am – days where I can’t find anything normal about myself. I just exist, and go through the days closing myself off.

I usually call these types of episodes “periods of apathy.” Where I really don’t feel anything, and because I can’t feel things properly, only abstractly, I’ll do everything I can to feel something. Drowning myself in different types of new music – even if I don’t like them, or those I used to listen to and don’t anymore because they remind me of times I’m determined to forget; but everything is fair in the game of trying to feel anything that in my head is computed as “making sense.”

The same goes for new experiences, like daring to leave the house just to walk – something I don’t do willingly because I hate having to go out precisely because, somehow, my mind sees it as “this will be a bad memory for you, and later you will do everything to forget it, but you won’t be able to.” It’s as if my brain doesn’t allow new experiences out of fear that something might go wrong, and if it goes wrong, I won’t be able to forget and will torment myself for a long time, wishing more than anything that I could forget. What I find most frightening about all this is that all my senses will contribute to making it really worse: I’ll be able to remember the smell of the occasion, the tastes of what I was eating when something happened, how I was talking or acting. So, after everything is digested in a very bad way, my behavior will completely change to a different one that distances itself from how I used to be – not to mention that any similar smell I breathe or taste I experience from that period will immediately take me back to that moment. And then, every effort to distance myself from who I was will simply disappear, and I will enter various waves and layers of pure despair and isolate myself.

I did a year of therapy to know that these are defense mechanisms. I know that. But I still can’t help but lament that I don’t like this. I always think that maybe I’m trapped inside my own head, precisely because I often can’t get out of it. Or, because people don’t understand how my mind is slower and more confused in understanding the things around me. That it’s harder for me to be a part of things. Unfortunately, because the year of therapy I had wasn’t very good, or just not good enough for me, things remain the same. Or worse. Worse because I know it’s something but I don’t really know what…

The pressure of being on the internet lately – not wanting to play the role of someone who always brings some kind of generational conflict – is quite distressing and conflicting. Because I was in a time when I would run to the internet to read all the blogs I followed, and it was like a hobby. A hobby that simply involved coming home, grabbing my notebook, sitting on my bed, and reading all the possible blogs. It was the most passive way to read other people's opinions without having a meltdown or getting into arguments with many people online, and without any kind of cancel culture – although cruelty, cyberbullying, and other forms of lynching have always existed. But it was easier to avoid them. Today, it’s very difficult to sift through – especially when it comes to social media – where everyone rushes to create some kind of utopian perfect life, what things should or shouldn’t be, conflicts of different thoughts on various specific (or not) subjects. While many give their opinions – some bitter, others disguised as advice.

Let me be clear that I love the internet. I love knowing that I can learn about various things whenever I want and whenever I want. That I can learn anything, I can even meet various people from different places (even though, by my own choice, I don’t do that), be connected with dear people who live far from me. Being able to use Google Maps and see all the different places in the world (truly traveling the world just by looking at a map on a screen); even knowing the entire route to a place by heart before leaving. Knowing news and events at the exact moment. Knowing different points of view from various people around the globe. Reading blogs written by people who are an ocean away, etc…

Still, it becomes quite tiring to know who you are in such a hectic world. In a world where, unfortunately, it has become increasingly common to capitalize on the practice of hobbies. Even spending time on the internet to unwind has become something capitalized – everything we see and read is available for purchase. And not only that, but it has become people’s work. People live for this; it is their daily bread. People who take incredible photos, people who work by giving their opinions on a specific type of product, people who write, people who draw. Everything that started as a hobby, sharing something personal, has become capitalized. Not that this is wrong. But what remains?

What remains for those who just want their personal passions to be just that: personal passions. Sharing a small poem, a snippet of your favorite animation, a photo of your small project, an image of your ongoing drawing. In all this, we put a price tag. It’s people’s time. And time is money. Time sells. Lost time is lost profit.

Amidst all this, the despair for isolation constantly grows. The need to retreat to some corner. Far away. Returning to the burrow. A place just to breathe – because even the places that were meant to entertain us and make us forget how hectic our daily lives are also make us run. Several videos per second, many words per minute, many images per hour. And opinions, opinions, and opinions. And my eyes get tired. My eyes hurt. My eyes itch.

And just the act of standing still watching something on a screen becomes exhausting.

Like running several kilometers.

I see all kinds of people, all kinds of opinions, all kinds of lives, all kinds.

And still, I can’t formulate who I am or who I am not.

I am a person living a life.

Or a person who is just there to watch the lives of others.

When we walk down the street and look at the buildings above, lights on in the windows, all kinds of people living their lives behind them, you wonder what different kinds of lives all those people have. What they do, what they are doing, who they are. It’s like living just to watch others live their lives.

And in this, the constant thought remains that maybe I don’t like who I am. Or at least, I don’t like who I am now. Because maybe life, in a way, doesn’t seem to have started. Or, it has started, and precisely because it has started and nothing has happened yet, makes my current self something not to like.

It is living to watch others. To watch others live their lives; because maybe I don’t have one now.

[shoiboi]

Thoughts

Part of me kind of thinks (After losing another set of relationships) that none of them especially cared for me, I mean how could they, no one truly cares about me, as no one, absolutely no one has figured out I'm anorex!c, people refer to their time as an ana adult as a untethered experience, suddenly no ones watching you anymore, but no ones watched me from the start, my family encouraged me to lose weight, praised me, this is the only place I even admit that I'm anorexic, no one visits me but I still maintain the illusion in my home that I'm fine, fight the urge to put up thinspo everywhere, keep my scale in the kitchen, part of me wonders why I bother as, as I said before, no one visits me. I don't even write in my dairy that I'm anorexic, the most I have is this and some hidden files in my phone, like anyone would even want to read my dairy haha...

At times I feel like i've danced close to the edge with partners and family. I'm not intolerant to anything you damn fools, Its not the least bit sus to you that I can only eat low cal foods?? I've sat through dinners and not eaten a thing cus of 'stomach aches' or because the menu wouldn't work with my "intolerances"

God i've spent whole holidays starving myself, partly because I'm terrified of being big and being devalued because of my size and half because I have to keep up my lies about intolerances and allergies, and now I'm alone again and currently yo-yoing between binging and starving, Im not good at making friends, or keeping them, mostly I want people to come to me ATM because I've spent the last 5-6 years going to everyone else, I'm tired of being the only one to put in the effort.

Look at me, even here I censor myself so much, like anyone who knows me would find this account, or be able to identify me, I'm so paranoid, and I have no need to be really.