#like no you are struggling because of transphobia not SPECIFICALLY because you are a guy

[ghostboyravenight]

i'm sorry if this is a really basic question, but while i understand that transmisogyny is oppression that results from the intersections of being trans and being a woman, how does the intersection work with transandrophobia? i saw a post some time back that said there's no cis equivalent to transandrophobia so I am struggling to understand where the intersectionality comes in for you guys, sorry again if this is rude i really respect trans men and your contributions to the community

Hi! I appreciate the question!

Basically, I think looking at the type of oppressions trans people face as having cis equivalents is already counterproductive. For example, there’s this idea that transmisogyny is simply the intersection between hatred for trans people and hatred for women (hence, trans + misogyny) but this simplifies the reality of what transmisogyny actually is and diminishes the experiences of trans women/fems.

It isn’t so much that they’re being targeted just for being both trans and women; they’re being targeted for being trans women. It’s an entirely seperate axis of oppression, that yes may have some overlap with what cis women face (though you could also say that transandrophobia contains some overlap with what cis women face) but overall it’s a specific type of oppression that trans women experience as they navigate through the world based on their existence as trans women.

So you could say that transandrophobia is an equivalent of that, rather than trying to connect it with cis equivalents. Because we’re not cis! We are trans men, and how discrimination can manifest against us is what transandrophobia aims to describe. It’s things like forced pregnancy as a way of detransitioning us, loss of reproductive rights, TERF ideology that spreads around the idea of “rapid onset dysphoria” and paranoia around “young, confused girls” being coerced into transitioning, which leads to the restriction of gender affirming care for trans youth. These don’t have a cis equivalent, even if our infantilisation may come from a place of misogyny (but thus intersects with the transphobia of violently misgendering us).

Furthermore, when it comes to intersections, it also depends what intersections we’re referring to. When people say there’s no cis equivalent to transandrophobia, they’re most likely comparing us to the white cis men in power, which in turn means viewing all trans men as white.

Meanwhile, Black cis men and other men of colour do experience discrimination based on the intersection of their race and their manhood. There is an entire history of Black men in America being lynched in the name of “protecting” white womanhood, and the hypermasculanisation and vilification of Black men and moc leads to high rates of police brutality and incarceration. These are the types of intersections that tmoc have to face, alongside their transness, which is why so many discussions of transandrophobia are led by Black trans men and other tmoc (with the term itself being coined by a tmoc).

I think these discussions of transandrophobia and transmisogyny are being impacted by this idea that our oppressions need to be based on equivalent oppressions that cis people face, because this is still an attempt to force us into a cis binary. Intersectionalism isn’t as simplistic as black and white boxes. It is messy and complicated, and has many different overlaps in many different identities and many different cultures/countries/ethnicities etc., and the best thing to do is simply to listen to the lived experiences all trans people (because I haven’t touched upon the specific types of oppressions that enben and intersex people face, which also can’t be put into boxes of cis equivalents).

Hopefully this answers your question as best as possible, but feel free to ask any follow up questions!

[ocean-breeze-pier]

Trans guy talks about the issues with male hatred

It’s EXTREMELY frustrating the way that specifically cis women treat me as a trans guy. We are often acceptable targets for hatred against men because we don’t have the ability to oppress like a typical white cishet man (especially if you’re like me and don’t pass) so they can get away with it.

The more I think about why it’s so frustrating that the second a cis woman finds out I’m a man (after already misgendering me because I don’t pass), I get vilified and hit with sentiments that shitty men are hit with regardless of if it’s true or not.

It bothers me because a huge reason I didn’t come to terms with being a trans guy for awhile was because of my own feelings towards men. I’m a survivor of abuse from (mostly but not limited to) cishet men and I was so traumatized from those experiences that one of my initial trauma responses was a really intense hatred of men.

I didn’t know how to process what was done with me. Not only that, but I was in a vulnerable place with no support system and super lonely. I discovered this community online that made me feel less alone (radfems). They would validate my feelings about men which felt good at the time but in the long run, wasn’t healthy. I started to be even more fearful because of the lens I saw the world through. I was even more scared to be around men and struggled to interact with them.

At the time, I identified as nonbinary. If you know anything about radfems, they’re more often than not transphobic. So as a byproduct I did end up seeing that stuff from time to time despite my focus on during my time as a radfem being stuff concerning cishet men specifically. During this same time period it is no coincidence that I suppressed my gender feelings even more, presenting feminine despite it feeling hollow. I wanted to fit in. I felt like this is what I had to do. I felt like since men are evil (radfem rhetoric, not what I believe now), I cannot associate with masculinity. That if I relate to men in any way I’m a traitor and it’s an insult to me as a woman (bc ofc they saw me as a woman).

These circles are insanely predatory. It’s one big echo chamber. Even though at the time I was involved in that community, I still identified as nonbinary. That never stopped. But I was so self hating that I would let them all misgender me and refer to me with an emphasis on my agab. I tried to be lowkey about my identity. I knew if they found out, I would be ostracized as I had seen them do to others. They were either super pitiful towards trans men or they were very hostile towards them, viewing them as gender traitors who were just trying to escape oppression. Plus I was so ashamed of who I was and desperate to fit into a community where my trauma towards men was validated. This is why when radfems interact with me now in the present day, I am so over it. Like I was already fell for this shit once. I’m not going to again. Fuck yall from the bottom of my heart.

This combined with how my abusive exes would treat me led to me hardcore repressing my gender. The abuse I experienced was not solely about my gender, but it played a huge factor. These men would invalidate me so much that to this day, my internalized transphobia is horrific. They really tried to push me to be more feminine and would refer to me in invalidating terms. Telling me I would always be a woman and just needed to accept it. The constant misgendering. It really mirrored that of how the radfems treated me. Like who I was came down my genitals. Like I didn’t have a say in who I was. That they could tell me who I was.

So when I see cis women hit me with the same types of shit that radfems would say about men it takes me back. The fact I get treated similarly to the way abusive men get treated except simply on the basis of being a trans guy… I think it’s fucking capital W Whack.

I haven’t ever opened up about this on here because I’m ashamed of that time in my life. But I want any trans radfems to know it’s possible to get out of that. You can find community elsewhere. To them, you’re just a pawn in an argument. They will never see you for who you are.

And to the man hating radfems. I really do understand. Men have done fucking horrible things to me. But when I used to be stuck in that mindset, I was fucking miserable. Yes, sexism is a HUGE problem. But treating every single man like a threat is not going to solve anything, and by extension you’re vilifying marginalized men.

You can talk about sexism without acting like every single man is evil. The association between evil and masculinity prevents trans men from realizing who they are (which I’m sure you’re glad about) but it also sucks in general because if you hate how shitty men are, don’t you want a version of masculinity that’s not toxic? If you think men and evil are inherently linked, then what? No one can get better. I don’t want to live in a world where the only option is femininity like I used to believe. Femininity ≠ good and Masculinity ≠ bad

When you’ve experienced such toxicity, it takes awhile to untangle yourself from those harmful ways of thinking. For some people, all this shit is just discourse. For me, it shaped my life in ways I’m still suffering the effects of.

TLDR: Hatred of men + trauma played into me not accepting that I’m a trans guy

[certifiedsexed]

I'm just being sensitive but I feel like I'm disgusting for liking guys and/or girls. I'm aromantic, and I'm somewhat on the ace spectrum but I get horny a lot and it makes me feel disgusting and like I'm a disgusting person for being that way. I logically know that doesn't make sense but it still feels so real when I think of the idea of ever having sex with someone my age. I'm a teenager, and I couldn't actually go and have sex anyways because of how my whole family and living situation is but its still like. Weird. I don't know. I want to have sex but the very thought terrifies me because I'm bigender and I've had awful experiences with guys that range from toxic to sexual trauma and I'm terrified of having sex with anyone else because even if it was possible I'm not exactly someone anyone really wants in general.

Tldr; I want to have sex, but im too scared and even if I could despite my situation I feel like I'm disgusting for it and I'm scared of getting thrown into awful situations. I feel like a gross creep for not liking people romantically but still wanting to have sex. Especially when it comes to liking girls. I might as well be emulating the very thing I've been taught not to be like.

Okay, so first: this isn't just you being sensitive. Feeling ashamed of your sexuality and sexual attraction in particular is a very common experience, especially in the LGBTQ+ community, and its very encouraged by the world in general.

Its not just you being "sensitive" when you're struggling with it.

Adding to that sexual trauma and general transphobia? It makes a lot of sense.

Secondly, let me say that you're not disgusting. Sexual attraction to other people is not wrong, or disgusting, or creepy. You don't owe people the possibility of a romantic relationship whether you're just sexually attracted to them or if you have sex.

If you've been taught that being sexually attracted to girls is disgusting, whoever taught you that was wrong. There's nothing wrong with that. You're not sexually assaulting anyone, you're not harassing anyone, there's nothing wrong with that.

My advice here would first be to find yourself some people or community of similar sexuality to you, especially people who are talking about their sexuality. Whether that's locally or an online group (there are some on here specifically for aro people who experience sexual attraction!), I think even just reading/listening to people talk about it might be good for you.

Getting to the point that you can talk about it more as well would probably be incredibly helpful too. That might be easier online.

I also think learning more about sex, shame and internalized homophobia might be helpful too. You're not alone in this experience, Anon and I think learning more about that and how other people deal with that would be really helpful.

I don't know that this is helpful but let me know if you have anymore questions. <3

[perpetual-oratorio]

Earlier today I came across a tiktok of a queer cis woman responding to a transphobic and interphobic asshole. I'm debating whether or not I should link the tiktok in a reblog- I think it would help illustrate my point, but I'm also not trying to put her specifically on blast, this is about a dynamic I see all over.

The guy was doing a lot of the standard "everyone's cool with LGB people, but why are you associating with trans or intersex people, this is just making you look bad" concern trolling. The response tiktok was clearly meant for a general (us american and british, given the specific context) audience and has a lot of the pitfalls you would expect. Like, it was a mistake to teach cis people the idea that "sex and gender are two separate things" because they then can use that to further enshrine sex as simple and unchangeable, you all have seen the posts talking about this dynamic, that's unfortunately totally expected for this kind of video by cis queers for a presumed cishet auduence, this is not a novel observation I'm making.

But something else grabbed my attention also, especially in light of that other post that's been going around on here about appeals to tradition in the lesbian community. When this guy was making the case that cis LGBs and trans people have totally different struggles and are just entirely different from one another, and so shouldn't be grouped together, her only response was to point to history. You see, many of the people at Stonewall were black trans women, and Marsha P Johnson and Sylvia Rivera were instrumental in the early usamerican queer liberation movement, and trans people have always been here. All of that is true, of course, if a bit revisionist about how accepted trans people were in those communities.

But that was the entire argument she had for trans inclusion- trans people were there and are therefore grandfathered in, which is very much the standard script cis people follow for answering this question. The thing that struck me and motivated me to make this post is how it feels like cis LGBs can get by without understanding the basis of their own oppression. It feels like usamerican conservatives handwringing about gay people "destroying the nuclear family" should have given the game away for the actual anxieties underlying homophobia in the same way as conservative handwringing about how transition can harm reproductive capacity does for transphobia. The fact that that is the same anxiety, the same desire for control of (social and biological) reproduction, should be the clearest sign that we are (ostensibly) part of the same community not because cis queers feel they should be nice to us, but because we are on some level the same thing in terms of the societal transgression our open and proud existence represents. It's frustrating how often it feels like the best we can expect from cis people, queer or not, is a surface level appeal for diversity and not a deeper understanding of the shared basis of our oppression.

[doberbutts]

hey so feel free to delete this if its inappropriate/not the right time to share it

i’m a trans woman and (obviously) i can’t get pregnant, but i did get sexually assaulted by some guys trying to show was one of them. and also having an m marker has caused issues with trying to access resources and shit.

idk this isnt the same thing and all but my point is that im standing with u as some random trans woman with vaguely parallel experiences and im sorry to hear its somehow even worse & more likely for some of yall.

I wanr to preface this with a disclaimer, to get things out of the way first.

I am not trying to say that trans women do not experience devastating sexual assaults. They do. Quite often. Though to me, even once is too often. Rape and sexual assault are terrible, awful things. It's horrible that anyone has been made to go through this.

Nor am I trying to say that your M marker doesn't get in the way of things. When it comes to the domestic violence you experience, or the homelessness rates, or a determination of what prison you go to (esp since y'all are more likely to be wrongfully accused and arrested), or the various aspects of your own reproducive healthcare, your agab and gender marker is absolutely used as a weapon against you.

The question was asked for a unique example. Unfortunately, the conversation around reproductive rights is much different for me than it is for you. But it's also much different for me than for cis women and cis men as well. Those without a functional uterus cannot get pregnant. Those who cannot get pregnant are not forcibly married off to be raped until pregnant as a means of detransition and correction. This misogyny we share with cis women.

However an added aspect of that is that if this happens after we've changed our legal documents, an additional layer of transphobia occurs when insurances and doctors see our M or X markers and deny us care out of hand. Now we are stuck with a pregnancy we don't want and constant reminder of what happened to us, or a huge medical bill with devastating financial consequences.

And that's just for those who got out safety- for those who rely on shelters, again the choice becomes detransition for safety at a woman's shelter, or struggle in silence as a man. That, we share with you, though for different reasons.

A unique interection of transphobia and misogyny specifically experienced by trans men was asked for. That is what I provided. Much like how in Crenshaw's essays one could not provide a complete understanding of "because woman" or "because black" because neither would show the full picture of "because black woman", it is not possible to describe this fully as "because trans " or "because man" because the complete "because trans man" must be provided.

I am of the opinion that there is very little "unique" about oppression- mostly that the various points of intersection change its face. In other words, I think trans men share a lot with trans women, and I don't think that's a bad thing. I also think that doesn't disclude something from earning its own name or having its own place to be talked about.

I have hesitated to post those statistics because they can so easily be twisted to say "trans women don't experience these things" or "trans men have it worse". But, a look at the graphs say the first isn't true, it just happens at a statistically less rate. The second, well, I personally don't think it's useful to quantify who has it worse. I once was in that mindset, apologizing to my mentor (an older trans woman) for complaining about my problems because obviously she had it so much worse.

She told me she doesn't like to think about it like that. For her, she would rather be raped than killed. For me, I would rather be killed than raped. Who has it "worse" depends entirely on perspective. Murder and rape are both terrible crimes to be a victim of. Rather than weighing this violence in a scale, more effort should be put into stopping it from happening in the first place. I think she was very wise. I'm lucky to have known her.

I'm sorry that happened to you. I would like to reach across the table and take your hand, to walk forward into the future together. I think we are stronger when united in this world that hates us. You are my sister. We may fight like siblings, but you're still family.

[ur-older-brother]

DNI

PLEASE READ

Okay so I'm getting a lot of younger siblings currently (love you guys) so I'm going to do one of these.

Can't believe I need to say this but obviously no racism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. If you're gonna be an asshole make sure it's to everyone (rapists specifically. You have my permission to skin them alive)

Here are some more personal ones. If you are adopted (follow me) or are thinking about being adopted (thinking about following me) this is for you:

DNI

If you are nsfw. What I mean is you can run an nsfw blog (we support horny here) but DO NOT DM me and please don't ask inappropriate stuff (you can still ask stuff but make it sfw).

Tumblr has a lot of pervs here and I wish the younger ones didn't have to see it. Let's keep my blog sfw (warning I still swear a lot)

The second one is most important to me. DNI if you are proana.

I have been recovered from anorexia for a year and a half. It was an incredibly traumatizing time. It makes me sick to know people romanticize it and worship it.

That being said, I get it. But I cannot go back to that dark and unforgiving place.

If you are proana I'm not going to tell you how you should live your life. It's your life, not mine. Do not bring it to me. If you are pro do not in any way interact me. I wish absolutely nothing but the best for you. If you are recovering and need support then you can leave me an ask (PLEASE DONT GO INTO DETAIL) and know I'm on your side. I know how bad it hurts. You aren't alone.

Okay. Last thing. FOR YOUR SAFETY:

DNF if SH (not silent hill) is a trigger to you. Yes I have all of those posts tagged with something of warning. Yes it's not often. However, it's something I've struggled with since I was 13. I will talk about it. I WILL NOT go into detail. I am currently trying to get better. If this will trigger you please keep yourself safe. Like I said, it is not often and it is tagged but still.

Also if you're any of the isms and phobics don't follow. Because that's just stupid. It's the 2000s. Get a life.

Alright. Be safe kids. Older brother out.

[red-dye40]

aha! pride ask game. happy june.

I’m curious about 8 and 12 for any characters you’d like to share, as well as 18.

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

newf does Constantly lmao

sonny did for a really long time until she kind of reinvented herself and stopped giving a fuck

also surprise representation reveal: laika is pansexual! she never had any Big struggles with her sexuality, just some confusion as to why she felt Different. but then she found a nice lil (and i mean LITTLE) community through /gay-sauce/ and everything kinda fell into place for her identity.

12. Does/did your oc ever wish they could change the way they are? Why? If it's in the past, how did they get over the feeling? (this can be about internalized homo/transphobia)

Newf Does Constantly EL EM AY OH

sonny had a lot of shame around the way she felt but she never necessarily wanted to change it because she knew it was Right. she just wasn't sure how she was gonna make it happen.

18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

i dont necessarily prefer to give them labels, and i don't think any of them fall into categories so cut and dry, but it makes talking about certain aspects of them a lot easier. like i think it's maybe inaccurate to call newf bisexual because 1) he would Never identify as Anything other than a straight guy and 2) i think there are so many more layers to his sexuality, so many caveats and facets that it's like. almost reductive in a way to put a label on it.

and that goes of all of my guys and gals! i remember very vividly what it was like being queer in 2011 and even though i had kind of no fucking clue what was actually going on with me in terms of identity, it felt really important to like. tell people i was SOMETHING. otherwise they wouldn't believe me or take me seriously. i think that's what a lot of my ocs feel like. they have to declare something otherwise they'll kinda fade away.

[papakhan]

good sir, may i ask for eighteen, four (anyone of your choosing), and twenty (understandable if twenty is too personal though so no pressure), and a twenty one if you feel up to it? happy pride ^^

From this!

18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

Kind of depends on the character like Most of them I do give specific identities and labels for my own organisation but some of my smaller background characters I leave open until I decide to develop them more.

4. Is your oc's environment supportive about their identity? How does this impact them?

For Fleabag the wider Khans are supportive like the people in charge like Jack/Diane Papa and Regis but their immediate family and circle being reactionary New Khans are not. Fleabag didn't want to leave them but kind of had to for their own peace.

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

YES well maybe not my ocs but imagining Papa being trans definitely did help me out and also having ocs who are bi just made me feel more confident. In general yeah they helped me a lot esp when I was going through some shit that made me feel like my identity was evil and ruining my life having funny little guys in my head or in my sketchbook who were the same as me made me feel better

21. Free ramble card wee

Hmmm this is less of a ramble more of a rant but I think more people should have fun with gender in the wasteland because there's a lot of potential for fun and new weird gender experiences when the government has fully broken down, and the gender presentations that might arise when you can just assume a new identity and move cities and start again and there's no government sticking a F or M on your licence. I don't know about you guys but the government is the one stopping me from transitioning the way I'd like and if they got blown up alongside traditional societal expectations I'd present myself differently. And I understand the merits of ""making this trans character experience the transphobia of our world because that's what I go through"" Obviously because I have Fleabag and other characters who do go through the rough family relations I go through. But I think some people are sooo dedicated to making the ENTIRE wasteland miserable where EVERYONE is transphobic and there's no HRT anywhere and there's not a dissection of the transphobia it's just misery for the sake of misery like "oooh doc Mitchell says 'not the name I'd have picked for you' as a microaggression against your transgender courier" is the worst take I've ever seen and I'm just tired of it. It's just not fun. Why is it funny to make characters transphobic now? Sure there's factions who'd obviously be transphobic in the wasteland like the Legion or BOS or NCR frontlines but does it HAVE to be EVERYONE? good grief The way I write the Khan's development regarding trans people and is partly a spiteful kickback of all the "realistic transphobia" I see in so much fallout art/writing about trans characters. Tbh it had gotten a lot better lately but I do remember the big argument everyone had on here a few years ago. Something about autodocs making transition "too easy" or something. In my lore the Khans only survived because of the queer community hidden in the New Khans. Transition was hard for Fleabag due to their poor support circle and I like to explore their internalised struggle and how they learnt to be themself and love themself and it wasn't easy and it didn't go to plan and they still don't have closure about their dad but they did it.. I guess people still do give me shit for making Papa trans but I don't care about that. Anyway I encourage people to have more fun with wasteland gender and be weirder about it. If Khans pick a new name when they go through their initiation rite then why not pick a new gender too? The Followers what are they doing they're anarchists they're talking about the gender spectrum! BUTCH KINGS!! What about ghouls how do people hundreds of years old perceive their gender? OR SUPER MUTANTS.. there sooo much potential with super mutant gender. I want Vault Dwellers who escape the rigid gender structure of their vaults and discovering a beautiful world where yes life is harder but you can be yourself. Intersex people aren't forced to have surgery and just live their lives. I want raiders who don't care about gender and only care about being cool and dangerous. I want drag in Vegas. I want implants from Dr Usanagi that deliver HRT into my bloodstream long-term. I want the Followers to have an empty box on their paperwork for their patients to explain their gender. I want genderfluid super mutants. Do you understand my vision? Peace and love on planet earth <3

[spidermanifested]

this is not my usual type of post but ive been rotating some thoughts and i guess my blogs as good a place as any to get them organized. okay so this is basically my take on the entire discourse surrounding the "feminine (presumed cis lets be honest) women are uniquely oppressed for being feminine/making female characters quote unquote Less Feminine is antifeminist" thing. which i keep seeing come up. on this internet of ours

context being im a trans guy. grew up largely seen by others as female, probably, sort of. was about as far from a cishet womans feminine as you can imagine. not in a cool tomboy way. not in a way that society had a box for. and thats the thing, is that when you fail at gender, whether youre conscious of it or not, theres this extremely profound loneliness that comes with it. part of it was the autism but i made like 6 real-life friends total from ages 4 to 18 and there were no examples of anyone with an even remotely adjacent experience i could find in the media or irl. anytime a female character skirted a little too close to actual masculinity in a tv show or movie shed get that makeover eventually. i was bullied by both boys and girls but the girls who bullied me were uniformly very feminine.

and so i see people talking about how hard feminine women and girls have it, how the world hates them for being beautiful, and on the one hand its like okay, Misogyny Exists. thats not really refutable thats just the reality of it. society hates women. and as for eurocentric femininity specifically i understand its a hard tightrope to walk!!! you have to put on all these masks BUT make them seem natural, youre forced into these narrow boxes of acceptable behavior and appearance and desires, and if you under- or over-shoot then people get reminded the whole thing is a farce and get mad (often violently!) at YOU for it

........but then my thing is, that on one side of the tightrope, the "overperforming eurocentric femininity" side, the tradwife or girlboss or blonde bimbo side, theres an entire history of structural trope-crafting to break your fall, right. like its a shitty box but its the box society WANTS you to be in. they look at you and go "yep thats a woman. we dont like those but that sure is one". there are known social niches to carve out. theres a script.

on the unfeminine side theres just. nothing. its stone cold concrete down there. and apparently twitter would have you believe its actually that the "more masculine" somebody presumed female appears the more society respects them but that to me is the wildest and most nonsense take on the planet because if people see you as a woman or girl who has not taken the needed steps to justify your place as one of those things you might as well be an alien, or even a monster. theres no script at all. and i feel like this is one of the major experiences that trans and gnc people of every gender share-- god knows trans women get the brunt of the vitriol-- and from my knowledge a lot of nonwhite people too, and also fat and disabled people, like. there are SO many things that affect your ability to achieve even a fraction of success at this aspirational femininity.

ive had to see people for real make the argument that princess peach making an angry face is masculine. i think the most masculine woman anyone on twitter can imagine right now is like a businesswoman in a form-fitting pantsuit and light mascara. maybe the struggle of succeeding at femininity under patriarchy deserves exploration, ive seen plenty of coherent and reasonable points, its not without worth as a discussion. but i do not trust the general public with the topic without immediately sliding into bog standard gender policing and transphobia, and so in closing, when the mainstream feminist take on the whole thing seems to be "the more you perform the femininity expected of you the worse you have it", i get the sensation that nobody told me it was opposite day and im about to feel real silly

[nbandtransmascblogging]

i'm transmasc nonbinary and all that stuff. they/them pronouns, baggy black clothes, all that jazz. (also underage and cannot get access to testosterone, top surgery, etc)

but sometimes i just can't help wishing i was born male instead and ended up transfem nonbinary. i know it wouldn't be any better to be like "ugh i wish i was more feminine" than it is to be "ugh i wish i was more masculine" but still.

is this weird? or is it just me being "oh i would be happier if i was naturally (without help from science, etc) masculine instead of feminine"? i think it's the latter but i still feel weird admitting that i would rather be transfem. i feel like i'm saying that transfems struggle less than transmascs when i admit this (even when anonymous lmao).

i think it might also be the sense of community that transfems have. it's a pretty common joke that i hear that the trans subreddit is just a sea of transfem memes and posts with a rare occasion of transmasc posts, not to even mention nonbinary stuff. i just want to be included in the memes and happiness.

however also, i don't feel particularly associated with anything. i'm me. i'm not what i was. i'm me now. and i'm human, i change.

is this me venting? ranting? actually asking? i don't really know. i guess i just wanted to get something off my chest (i want another thing(s) off, but that's for another time lol). uh thank you if you actually post this. thanks even more if you have anything to add.

Hi anon,

Sorry this has taken me so long. I wanted to really give this a thought out reply. But I am a mess so I'm not sure how coherant this is going to be.

Let me start by saying there's no such thing as "naturally" masculine or feminine. That's a belief that we all need to purge as trans people, in order to be comfortable with who we are, in order to avoid the bioessentialism that helps drive transphobia, and in order to avoid hating on other trans people.

You're absolutely valid for wanting to present as masculine. That is an appropriate and laudable goal to have. But we have to kill the idea that there is a biological, or physical, or any specific way to be masculine. Being assigned male at birth doesn't make someone masculine. Having testosterone at any point doesn't make someone masculine. I know it wasn't your intention, but suggesting that AMAB people are naturally masculine is hella transmisogynisitc. Trans women do not have any inherently masculine traits. Trans women can present as masc, absolutely. But that doesn't have to do with their biology or hormones or whatever.

This can be hard to internalize when you're in the grips of gender dysphoria. It becomes easier to understand as you become more comfortable with your presentation. You may not experience that comfort until you can medically transition, of course. If you want more info or tips on presenting as masculine, we can tackle that, but that's not what you were asking so I won't go into it now.

What I do want to say is that as a nonbinary trans guy, I too have had moments when I've thought it would have been easier if I'd been amab. From what I've gleaned, this isn't an uncommon thought. And you're right to interrogate the idea: trans women by no means have it easier than trans men.

But-and here's where I might get cancelled-there are situations where it can be harder to be a trans man. Bottom surgery is way harder for trans guys, and some would say doesn't have as satisfying an outcome. We have to have surgery to get our chest in order, and not all trans women do (some trans women absolutely need surgery to be comfortable in their bodies). In a lot of places, like you mentioned, it is easier to find a community for trans women than for trans men. Sometimes, when I've tried to join trans groups in my area, it's felt like I wasn't welcome because I'm a guy. Trans women have been more visible historically, which has put a bigger target on their backs, but also when I was a kid, it meant I had no idea that there was an option to be a trans man (that seems to be a bit better now).

I think it's OK to jealous of the community that you see others have when you can't find that community yourself. I don't know why it seems to be so hard to get communities for trans guys. I think part of it may be that, unfortunately, there are trans guys out there who think the way to transition is to embrace toxic masculinity, and when they bring that to a community, it poisons the well. If we want to create community, we have to be vigilant in ensuring that it is anti-misogynistic, anti-racist, anti-fatphobic, anti-imperialist, etc.

Personally, my community is the queer community in general in my city. I have the advantage of being an adult with a car and no one to answer to, so that's easier for me. But I also find community here on tumblr, in the fat liberation community and in the furry community specifically. I started this tumblr years ago as an attempt to create an anti-truscum community. Running it has been challenging at times, which is why I lapsed in updating it for so long. Maybe we need a space for trans masc memes and stuff? Should we do that here? Oh I saw a thing earlier today that I need to go find and reblog.

Feel free to message me again if you like. And other folks can comment, though I intend to shut down any transmisogynistic bullshit.

[illarian-rambling]

8 and 9 from the pride ask game - OCs of your choice?

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

There's not much homo- or transphobia on Illaros (they got bigger fish to fry), so there isn't much in the way of large-scale societal pressures. Honestly, the person who struggles the most is Djek because no one believes him when he says he's straight. Yes, make-up is more acceptable for men to wear on Illaros, but this man dresses in crop tops and short shorts, talks in a higher register, and is very free with his emotions. In short, people stereotype him as gay. Not even in a malicious way usually - they just make the assumption. They have a hard time accepting that a straight, cis man can go around with flawless eyeliner and stiletto boots. But this doesn't bother Djek too much. Especially once he gets out of the Tunnel Wasps and their macho, tough guy atmosphere. He knows he looks stellar and usually takes the confusion as a compliment in that regard.

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

I suppose I'll talk about Izjik and Avymere here!

Halawemavar have very different ideas of sexuality and relationships. For one, they have no words for different sexualities. You like or don't like whoever you like or don't like. If you date only women, that's seen as a personal preference no more worthy of remarking upon than perfering to date people in your profession or extroverts. Polyamory is also quite normalized. Because of this, Izjik is very open to most any type of relationship. She wouldn't describe herself as a sapphic-leaning pansexual - she just likes women more frequently than men. Later on, after her epilog, she gets into an open marriage with a woman named Yezi. The marriage part was the strangest thing for Izjik, since that's another thing halawemavar don't do.

As for Avymere, their identity as nonbianary is also very normalized in elven society. The Skysheerian dialect actually recognizes six sets of pronouns. In their native tongue, Avymere would be considered fe'penche - or nonbianary, but female leaning, because they tend to dress in feminine clothes. However, Janazi doesn't have words for that, so they stick with they/them when speaking the human language. Avymere has identified as nonbianary since they were very young. It's more common in elven societies for kids to experiment with gender at a young age - it's seen as healthy, in fact - however, Avymere was more decisive in than most in finding their identity, as they are with most things.

Thanks for the asks and happy pride!

[ftmcutiepie]

when you say you kind of get gender euphoria from this, is that to say like the /mis/gendering actively implies its incorrect? or that its like being a feminine masculine person? i guess this is asking whether girl is a modifier or a noun for you

Pretty much yes.

I've seen it phrased this way before and it always resonated with me, so yeah, kinda the whole point of my misgendering kink is that it's /mis/gendering, and in that way it's kinda paradoxically validating if that makes sense.

I'm not 100% sure what you mean with the second question, but I'll just dump my thoughts on it / gender roles/expression I guess under the cut lol.

Sooo I think one of the main reasons why I have this kink is that I've always been more traditionally "feminine" than stereotypically "masculine", and that caused some insecurity/internalized transphobia for me.

Like, I felt like I didn't have the "right" to call myself a real man, that I must be non-binary because a real man wouldn't xyz.

I never like actually believed that anyone (else) needed to be a certain way to be a "real man", I know that's bullshit, I just struggled with that stuff relating to MYSELF, if that makes sense.

Over time, I overcame those "self-doubts" and realized I'm literally just a binary trans guy and only really comfortable with he/him pronouns - maybe he/they if another trans person uses those pronouns for me, but my mother tongue doesn't really have gender-neutral pronouns so it's not really relevant IRL.

BUT I'm still insecure about OTHER PEOPLE not seeing/accepting me as a "real man" because I'm trans and not stereotypically masculine.

So for me this kink is a way to

a) kinda explore my "femininity" in a sexy way to make in fun and kinda "reclaim" it in a way

b) deal with those anxieties, being called a fake boy and a girl, literally being told I'm not/will never be a "real man" in a safe environment where it's all fun and pretend and like I said, because I ask to be misgendered and people respond by calling me a girl, that means I'm actually a boy, yk?

But yeah like I do have traditionally "feminine" traits and I do enjoy wearing feminine clothes not just in a sexual way, that's why I like the term femboy (feminine boy) for myself.

Sorry maybe I am stupid but I'm not sure what you mean with the third question either😅

Like, a noun can be a modifier?😅

I guess in the term ftm girl "ftm" modifies "girl". I'm a girl that's ftm. Paradoxical, isn't it? That's why I'm not a (cis) girl.

I'm like those shitposts(?) that are like "I'm like if a boy was a girl". But not in a non-binary way. More in a gendernonconforming way. Like a femboy.

I do feel like trans men can - and I do - have a specific "relationship" to femininity that most other people, specifically cis ones don't have.

Like, I'm a guy, I came out because there was no way I could be happy living as a girl/woman. But, at least for me, "girlhood"/"womanhood" wasn't always some dysphoric nightmare, I did enjoy parts of it. That doesn't make me a woman, but at the same time, I shouldn't have to give up "femininity" just because I'm a guy. Still, many people do believe that there are right and wrong ways to be a certain gender, and trans people already are on thin fucking ice just for being trans. God forbid they don't adhere to gender roles and cissexist standards to a T😂

I guess, this is just me having fun with my gender (expression). Sometimes a boy can "be a girl" (= enjoying femininity I guess) without that having any impact on his actual gender identity (= actually being a girl).

[justanothersimsblog]

Answering Pride Qs, for Ibis

7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?

Beyond act of god? No

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

Not really. He did have a moment during his pre-teen years where he realized he was the only of his quads that is straight. For that moment he thought there must be something wrong with him because he didn't like guys too. Then he talked to his dad and realized he was fine. You could even say normal.

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

No BUT

Let's just say I binged that and gave me ideas for the next part of the story where we meet older vampires.

10. Does your oc celebrate Pride? How?

Not particularly. I mean he loves to celebrate anything so he would happily join a parade, go to a club, whatever. He might have given a call or a joke gift to his siblings though, at least some years.

11. Is your oc open about their identity? Are they more lowkey or more blunt about it? Why or why not?

That he's a straight man? Yeah lol. So ironically because of his pink hair he gets mistaken for gay by way too many close minded individuals so he likes either rolling with it and trolling or being extra straight...however he thinks that is. Whatever he finds funnier.

12. Does/did your oc ever wish they could change the way they are? Why? If it’s in the past, how did they get over the feeling? (this can be about internalized homo/transphobia)

Nah. Only briefly did he wish to also be bi to fit with his quads but it quickly passed. His dad assured him he was fine and normal.

13. Would your oc be open to a poly relationship? Why or why not?

Poly? yes. Relationship? no. He's officially only had one relationship and has no real desire to have one or define anyone's that he's been with into a relationship. WOULD he be ok with someone he calls a girlfriend being with someone else? No, but mostly because he likes being the favorite and wouldn't want to be alone when there should be someone with him. In a way its why he doesn't define relationships.

[ghostcrows]

In particular I do think ... And this is where I'm changing the subject somewhat but it is sort of related to the previous topic. But like... We do have to find ways to talk about trans guys experiences ... In a way where we aren't aligning them directly with being oppressors and also not just categorizing them politically as women to make the conversation more convenient. All of the arguing about misandry or transandrophobia or plain old misogyny...it's a struggle to articulate an experience that is not easy to articulate, or to experience. It's people who are trying to put a word to what they deal with and being told whichever one they choose it's the wrong one lol

And I think it's fair to want a word for the specific phenomenon. I don't get why people get so upset that we might call it something besides "just misogyny" or "just transphobia" . I do get why they hate the words that were chosen. I don't think they're great either. But I also think we get jumped on for "stealing" words when we just have similar experiences. Like it's something people hate is to see us compare anything we deal with to transfeminine experiences. But I thought the whole point of a community is the shared struggles

Like it's the same way for years on here people would maul you if you were even like, a bi girl who calls herself butch because butch was Only for lesbians, but now people are starting to see why that isn't really right or true, and that it's Just A Label That Describes A Personal Experience. Or how people were so damn mad about bi lesbians until recently realizing Who TF Cares Actually. Every time a new androgynous modifier comes out people use it harmoniously for a little while until some blogger Decides it's only right for some people to use it

That being said do I think misandry is the right word for it ..fuckin, no. Transandrophobia is like...almost something? But also not it. So I don't have like, a solution or the Right word I just kind of feel, I guess a sympathy for the concept that people are grappling with and the way it's so torn apart over, Semantics

[lemonellaaaat]

trying to get better at rambling here please bear with me LMAO

okey. so I've had the idea for an oc (and also an entire world) bouncing around my skull for literally YEARS at this point and I got sad that I hadn't done much so!

I've decided to call the story 'Scarred Hands and Battered Hearts' because I think it sounds cool idk (also so I had something to tag it as) I don't really know WHAT I want to do with it yet because as much as I'd love to make it a webcomic or animate bits or do anything, I also know myself and my lack of motivation :'')

anyways I just really like the tagging system here even though I don't really know how to use it effectively for much but I want to use it to be able to ramble about things (like my ocs or aus) and still have it all in one place

none of this is complete/set in stone but here's what I have in my notes app rn

This is kind of an overview of the main character and names and stuff. The basic premise is superhero/supervillain world except the biggest baddest villian is actually a depressed teenager

Also a note: the only reason I even have a deadbane for him is because I started this idea before I picked a new name but after I realized what flavor of transgender I was, and it was really important to me to have a very trans character that doesn't have a new name yet. I don't think I'll ever "reveal" his deadbane or anything because. gross and also transphobia. But I wanted something to flesh out his character and be consistent

I started figuring out a timeline and this is it rn

two notes for this:

1. When I say "see" atoms I imagine it to be similar to when you can see dust in the light. It's something you can definitely see if you look for it, but it's also easily enough to look past

2. "Bird guy" is also "SUPERHERO" I just haven't the faintest idea what I want his name to be yet. He'd be the #1 hero but also just like. A middle-aged guy who genuinely wants the best for people (and struggles with the inevitable corruption with heros)

I want him to have wings,,, and have him do random bird habits like chirping y'know the like :3

My og plan for wren's design was to have him in a plage doctor's mask and thus he is bird aligned and the hero will have to fight his instincts (expecially after seeing how young Wren is)

Eventually I realized I don't fucking know how to draw a plauge doctor's mask (and I still don't) so now he has goggles and a gas mask (both if which I love drawing)

I still want to have the hero compare Wren to a baby bird at some point but I'm not sure how

Side note but Bird hero man is gay!! He's gonna be uselessly pining after a different guy and Wren is going to be a little shit and try to set them up (post bonding arc and while complaining about now understanding romance (he's aroace))

It's insane how much if their dynamic I have planned out without even having figured out one of their names 😭 I fear I'm doomed

Actually another thing. I don't fucking know how big of an explosion splitting a singular atom would cause. I don't know if that's something that's reasonable for a young child to survive.

A lot of the chemistry in this is kind of made up because it's so specific it's hard to research 😭 I may be in two chemistry classes as I type this, but they're not preparing me for this

Uhhhh not really sure if I have much more to say? I'll link his Pinterest which is kind of a mess because there's like. 4 very distinctive styles I have in mind for him and none of them blend well

One being how he'd be dressed, like by his parents. So very fem and covering. Second is how he dressed his self while out, more masc. Third is what he'd wear casually around the house, with no care about it being reveling (for hiding his scars wise I don't remember if I mentioned that) and the fourth would be his villian getup

Also his Spotify playlist (random songs that remind me of his)

I have so many animatics in mind I'm suffering so bad

oh also! The only art I've ever done for this was a ref sheet for Wren but it's bad, old, and not actuate (I hated it from the moment I finished it :/) but I've been working on a new ref for him the last little bit and I'm so excited it looks so cool

I'll try to finish it within the next week or two 🫡

Think the ramble NEEDS to be over now because it's after midnight and I have school tomorrow lol I'm so normal about all of this I think I need to be lobotomized /silly

[thekaratcake-blog]

Theeeere we go, you know better about everyone else's experiences but yourself, nobody can have experiences that you haven't personally seen. And if we're talking about the "You can't say *physically* disabled in your post, that's exclusionist!" post, not one single reply contains anyone saying anything like that to you. They do contain you being breathtakingly ableist, though. I'm also seeing you be transphobic, intersexist... and the post I spotted you on AGAIN is you telling wheelchairs that they don't experience that kind of ableism, actually, because you haven't noticed it. Because everything outside of your plane of view is factually nonexistent, of course, and everyone else is just lying about it. You're a self centered person who believes that you are the center of the universe, and just proved that again. There's nothing chill about you.

I scrolled seven reply chains back to find you being an asshole, the next incident was three, so deleting the posts where you treat other people like shit was a lie for sure. I'll believe you've stopped when you manage to go longer than a little over a week.

When did I say I deleted literally any posts? I'm sorry are you reading something else lol

And yeah of course I'm deeply self centered for saying stuff like "no not all of modern pop culture is designed specifically to hurt intersex people" have you even seen the absurd shit they do?

Although you probably agree with them don't you? Funn how a trans person can be oh so transphobic, how someone who spends their time learning about intersex people to better support them, having long conversations with actual SANE intersex people about how better to change my vocabulary so I'm not hurting them

But when I call out a blatantly absurd and untrue claim suddenly I'm some sort of evil monster, right? I didn't delete shit nor did I claim to because nothing I've said is wrong, you're again, on the same side as people telling me to kill myself

That tells me just extremely clearly that you guys never gave a shit about actual transphobia, actual ableism, actual intersexism, it was all about reinforcing your own view and making yourselves feel better, I am disabled, I am trans, and while I'm not intersex I do my absolute best to listen to real sane intersex people about their struggles

But when I hear people say shit that's not talking about their own experiences btw, it's funny you all keep pretending like making sweeping statements about the queer community, about MILLIONS of people, is somehow "nah I'm just talking about person experience!" and the wheelchair one, are you dense enough to believe that ACTUALLY happens? What weird fantasy land do you live in, but yeah of course I'm "breathtakingly" transphobic, god you must be so unbelievably sheltered lol, nothing I've done is transphobic by any measure, just because you believe the blatant misinformation on nothing more than their word, despite even a little bit of exposure to the world around you being enough to show you that they're talking absolute bullshit and claiming insane shit

I swear to god you guys must be actually stupid or something, I don't know how else you come to these insane conclusions, that it's somehow wrong of me to go "Hey saying that the ENTIRE queer community will dismiss all of trans men's dysphoria including other trans people is a complete overexaggeration to the point of it being a blatant lie" when that's just observably true if you've spent any time off tumblr or around decent people

One of the people I was talking to literally admitted that their "friends" dismiss their dysphoria and they still stick around them for some fucking reason, at best they're people who get in weird circles, don't leave when there are a thousand red flags and then pretend this represents a community of actual millions, at worst it's people making up shit or making insane claims

But go on, would you like to defend the claim that all of american pop culture is designed specifically with the goal of hurting intersex people? Go on, tell me that you somehow believe that's real and just a claim of personal experience