#like no shit you bunch of geniuses

[jeffgerstmann]

I'm sick of my favorite old wrestlers who inspired me as a kid turning out to be pieces of shit, if I find out Mick Foley suddenly decided to stump for Trump I'm going to blow up the sun.

They're a bunch of independent contractors who live in states like Florida, which has friendlier tax laws for independent contractors, forcing them to exist outside of the traditional employment system and develop a somewhat different and often more contentious relationship with paying taxes over the years.

They spent the 70s/80s/90s in locker rooms, potentially full of pills and/or steroids, growing increasingly paranoid about the other men in that locker room trying to "take their spot." They've also convinced themselves that they're geniuses and free thinkers who are living a secret life because no one knows what goes on behind the curtain, all those marks think it's real, brother!

They used this secret life and paranoia to create things like "wrestler's courts" and cultures where new guys must bend over backwards to show respect to the veterans or else they'll get hazed out of the building and/or physically beaten up.

They also took a lot of unprotected chair shots.

So let's see, we've got...

paranoia

conspiracy theories

always trying to find a loophole or an edge

frequent head injuries

Shouldn't be a big surprise that so many of these guys lean the way they lean. You can practically hear them sitting down in an airport bar somewhere in this great nation, looking up at the news on the TV, and saying "man, politics, that's the biggest work of them all, brother" like it's the smartest thing anyone has ever said about anything, ever.

In the case of the Undertaker I'm surprised that anyone is surprised? Dude has pretty openly sucked for a long time. Him and his Blue Lives Matter shirts can SUCK IT (wrestling reference, look it up)

[archangeldyke-all]

Sev with a ver nerdy reader. Very loser vibes with glasses and all. Could you write about how they meet and get together? How their relationship would be and what would other think or do about such a contrast couple?? Xxx love youuuuu

aweee i fucking love this

men and minors dni

singed is a mad genius, you'd never deny that. but mad geniuses tend to get caught up in the whirlwind of their revolutionary thoughts and creations, and they leave behind important things like, you know, numbers. or studies. or a general respect for the scientific method.

so while singed spends his days tinkering in his lab, you spend your days sitting beside him, trying to decipher his discoveries into a language people who aren't mad geniuses can understand.

this is just to say: you're a glorified lab assistant.

you don't know how you caught sevika's eye. you're polar opposites.

sevika fights for a living, she can command a room with a single look, and she's got women swooning for her everywhere she goes. you scribble calculations in a basement for a living, sometimes you and singed are so focused that you don't even speak to each other for days at a time, and you're aware that your glasses, frumpy clothes, and lack of awareness when it comes to style don't exactly make you sexy.

but... somehow, you've enchanted her.

you first met a few months ago, when singed brought you along to a meeting with silco to have you help demonstrate a new varient of shimmer.

typically, singed takes these meetings alone. he likes to keep his science life and his shady dealings as separate as possible-- plus, he knows how nervous you get. but, the new variant required at least two pair of hands to properly prepare, and you were kind of hoping to meet silco's elusive kid-genius foster daughter. singed sings her praises on the daily.

jinx, unfortunately, didn't show up, but sevika did. and you nearly shat yourself, because the woman didn't take her sharp gaze off you for the entire demonstration.

afterwards, when you were packing up in the empty office as singed and silco chatted in the bar downstairs, sevika tracked you down. "hey."

you screamed as you turned around, dropping a vial of shimmer on the ground. she chuckled. "f-fuck sorry." she said, holding her hands up. "didn't mean to sneak up on you."

you pushed your glasses up your nose and just shrugged. "'s okay. i-i'm just jumpy." you whispered.

"you're cute." she'd said.

and then, because you've never been able to be normal about anything in your life, you passed out.

so, the start of your and sevika's relationship was a bit tumultuous. she had to spell it out for you, many times, that she finds you endlessly endearing and adorable.

"during that first meeting. singed read something off his notes but didn't understand, so you explained it to him. just you rambling a bunch of nerd shit, but you made it sound so simple, and you had this sweet sparkle in your eye-- i dunno." she shrugs, then pushes your glasses up your nose for you.

you guys actually balance each other out really well. sevika encourages you to have a bit more of a backbone, you help her see the softer side of things.

she's obsessed with your constant nerdy ramblings. she learns so much from you. she can point to anything and ask you about it, and you'll have an answer.

she'd also never admit it to anyone, but she loves your fantasy books. the nerdier and more complex the better. sometimes, she'll have you read whatever book you're reading outloud, and more times than not, she falls asleep within ten minutes to the sound of your voice.

she's constantly pushing your glasses back up your nose for you. if she notices a smudge, she'll gently take them off your face, clean them with the hem of her shirt, then push them back on your face.

she's obsessed with eating you out while you read or work. she likes to watch you struggle to maintain your focus-- which is usually so laser sharp.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @vikasub @glass-apothecary @m0numents @macaroni676

[canmom]

it's not possible that the rulers of america (and the UK, Germany etc.) don't know how bad things are in Gaza. they haven't made some terrible mistake in underestimating the casualty count. they have ample ways to receive the information. we can be confident that they know there have already been hundreds of thousands of deaths even if it's impolitic to say so publicly, that they understand it's on track to become millions, and that's before we even consider what the impending war with Iran would bring - on both sides of the border. this is simply an acceptable human sacrifice to them for continued geopolitical dominance and maintaining their little 'aircraft carrier in the middle east' (edit: that's assuming too much logic to it, since Israel is more of a geopolitical albatross than anything - perhaps it's all inertia and reluctance to rock the boat too much). they might have ways of rationalising it or they might simply not care, it's moves in a game - and you have to sever the part of yourself that gives a shit about something so trivial as people when you become a major politician or you don't last, right?

but they know what they're doing when they send all those bombs, they know who they're dropping them on. they might not be strategic geniuses ('deescalation through escalation' ????) but they are not so stupid as to be unaware of that. they are just the kind of person that the machine generates. and it's not like gazans get a vote in any of this.

one day the yanks will make a sad movie about it with some big name actors and director, and give it a bunch of awards. how awful that this happened; if only something could have been done in time. aren't people monstrous?

it could end almost overnight if they'd stop selling the fucking bombs.

[lulublack90]

Prompt 9 - Detective AU

@wolfstarmicrofic April 9, word count 999

CW- Dead bodies

Sirius Black looked down at the mauled body. This case was taking its toll on him. This was the fourth body they’d found. Each one left after the full moon. The press had nicknamed the killer ‘The Wolf’. 

He sipped his coffee and grimaced as the flurry of forensic personnel moved around the area. 

“Shit another one?” James Potter sighed as he ducked under the crime scene tape.

“Yup,” Sirius grunted. 

“Same bite marks?”

“Yup,”

“Any leads?”

“Nope,” Sirius drained his coffee cup and dug his keys out of his leather jacket. “I’m going back to the station. Get them to send me anything they find.” He waved at the forensic guys and left. 

It took them days to sort through the evidence. But those little geniuses managed to use the teeth marks from all the previous cases and find whose mouth they belonged to. 

Sirius looked down at the photograph of the mild-looking man. 

Remus Lupin had been a teacher but disappeared a few years ago. He was pretty average-looking, apart from the myriad of scars that sliced across his face. But Sirius just couldn’t get rid of the feeling that this was the wrong guy.

Another month and another body. Sirius was sick of this case. He had multiple people out looking for Lupin, but so far, nothing. Then, after an anonymous tip, Sirius tracked him down. 

He approached the run-down shack cautiously. He had backup waiting in case he needed it. 

He pushed open the door and shone his torch into the building. He checked the downstairs, but the rooms were clear.

He crept up the staircase and peered around the first door.

Remus was curled up under a ratty old blanket on the filthiest mattress Sirius had ever seen. 

“Remus Lupin?” He said clearly. The man’s head shot up. His eyes were full of panic. It was definitely him. “Remus Lupin, you’re under arrest.” Sirius began reciting the legal words to take the man into custody. He pulled out his handcuffs and was relieved when Lupin didn’t put up a fight. Sirius spoke into his radio, letting his team know he’d got him.

He had to help him to his feet as he was very malnourished. “I’ll ensure you get a hot meal once they finish processing you.” He didn’t know why he’d said it, but he did. 

He bundled Lupin into the back of the police car but couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d just arrested the wrong person. 

Remus sat across from him in the interview room, cradling a cup of tea. He’d answered every question Sirius and James had asked him. He had no alibi for any of the killings. 

“It’s hard to have one when you live in an abandoned shack.” Remus had joked sadly. Sirius felt a twinge in his heart.

“Why did you leave teaching?” James asked. “From what we can gather. One day, you just up and left. You completely disappeared.” Remus didn’t answer straight away like he had for all the other questions. He looked scared. More scared than when Sirius had arrested him. 

“Who’s after you?” Sirius asked, leaning forward, concern leaking into his features. Remus swallowed but didn’t break his eye contact with Sirius. 

“There was a guy. I-I-I thought he was a good guy. He promised to look after me but he—he turned out to be a really bad man. He told me he was going to ruin my life after I broke things off. He sent a bunch of his gang to my house. They did this.” He pointed to his face. “I fled. I quit my job, left my flat and ran. But it’s hard to get a job when you can’t use you’re real name or have a fixed address, so…” He trailed off, letting the detectives come to their own conclusions.

“Does this guy have a name?” Sirius asked. Remus’s eyes swam with unshed tears. 

“Fenrir Greyback.”

Greyback wasn’t hard to find. He had a rap sheet a mile long, and the kicker was the man had a full set of dentures. 

Sirius had managed to get a search warrant for Fenrir’s home and office. It took hours to go through everything, looking for anything that could tie him to the murders. Remus was still in custody, and while he was safe and warm and had three meals a day, Sirius didn’t want the man to be locked up. 

Together, he and James checked every nook and cranny. Then, right before they’d been about to give up, James found something. 

Hidden in a box beneath the carpet in an air vent was a set of dentures.

“What’s the betting they’re a match for Lupin’s dental records?” James asked, beaming at his partner.

Once they’d found that first piece of evidence, everything fell into place. CCTV footage appeared showing Greyback dragging one of the victims into the alley where she’d been found, slipping in the dentures and biting her body over and over. 

Sirius was the one who gave Remus the good news that he was free to go. He’d had to catch the man as he crumpled with relief. 

“Where will you go?” Sirius asked. He knew his gut had been right all along. He’d only needed to find the evidence to back it up. But he was worried about the skinny man he’d formed a relationship with. Remus shrugged. 

“I can use my name again. So I can apply for teaching jobs.”

“That’s not what I asked Remus.” Sirius folded his arms. Remus shrugged again. 

“I don’t have an answer for you.” Sirius rolled his eyes and shook his head. He pulled a set of keys out of his pocket and tossed them to Remus. 

“12 Grimmauld Place. Pick whichever room you want apart from the one at the end that one’s mine.” Remus grabbed Sirius and hugged him. 

“Thank you for everything.” He whispered into his ear before he walked out into the bright sunshine and freedom.  

[punishedcrow]

OKAY YALL MAJOR RESIDENT LOVER SPOILERS HERE IM THEORIZING

So far I've done the Cassandra, Donna and Bela routes. This order is important. I've started with Cassandra because I continued on my demo save and so far everything seemed normal with some hints of mystery here and there, but I didn't get too much out of the romance objective and yes I save scummed a lot so I know a little about Cassandra's bad ending, but haven't gone fully through with it, I've just had the scene with her where she's all creepy.

I knew I'd have to solve mysteries, but in a game where you start over and over again, how would the secrets I found matter? THATS WHERE DONNA'S PLAYTHROUGH COMES IN. AGAIN, MAJOR SPOILERS!!!

So her route was full of secrets I didn't pry on. I save scummed a couple times, but since I loved Donna so much, I didn't even go too much further to know what happened on the bad choices. Only on her playthrough, characters star mentioning "rounds" and "next time" and Donna talks about not letting this happen again. MC is really important to Mother Miranda and the whole purpose of the game is for you to find out why. I've found some stuff at Cassandra's playthrough by sneaking in the third floor, but that didn't give me much clues. On Donnas route I've looked at some stuff and went back to a save when she absolutely hated it, but it didn't trigger a "secret found" prompt.

Donna knows about Miranda's plans and her capabilities, but she seems to have some power too bc Miranda didn't pressure her as much as you'd think. Like she straight up fucking turns of Bela's heart with magic (I told you there's spoilers) as punishment, but she's just "boogey woogey imma scare you" with Donna. What is Donna capable of? I need to know, maybe on another playthrough with her where I snoop around and try as many options as possible? I need to know, specially because she knows.

And this is why the developers of this game are geniuses bc Dona FUCKING REMEMBERS MC. At Bela's playthrough, when you go to her flower shop, she blushes when greeting you. Donna does NOT act like that at first glance on her playthrough. And it happened right after, on this order. WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE ACT LIKE THAT IF SHE DIDN'T REMEMBER??? And it explains a lot why she was so jealous and possessive on her route. She knew she'd be seeing you with a bunch of other people over and over until eventually you came back to her (?). And also, even though Cassandra is flirty with everyone, she flirted with MC a lot at Donna's playthrough, when I still had a couple of Cassandra's saves registered. And at Bela's route, when I met Donna, I still had a couple of saves from the second playthrough. But none from Cassandra, since it had all been overwritten already and she didn't flirt with MC at all on Bela's playthrough, without her saves.

What I can deduce from the story I've seen so far is that the only Dimitrescu kid that has a hint of what's happening at this school is Bela, since she's been fucking cursed by Miranda. Donna knows because she's Miranda's "daughter" and Alcina's sister, who also knows about all the cult shit. But I cannot confirm if their remembrance is truly coded in the game. It probably is, because that is the point of this doki doki literature club time loop plotline. Like of course that's the plot line, come on, that's what's most fun about it.

Miranda wants something from MC, so imma leave her for last.

I've also noticed that Angie has been drinking more and more, specially on the third playthrough, after Donna, who's her aunt/mother. It almost felt like she was depressed everything was happening again and Donna would be depressed again (not the case apparently), so she got depressed too.

My game plan now is Dani, Angie, Alcina and Miranda. Let's see how this goes. After all that I'll mess around with Donna's route and others to see some bad endings with the creepy sprites like Cassandra covered in blood and zombie Bela killing my ass, that truly caught me off guard btw.

Oh and I'm really loving this game. The descriptions, the way it's written, it's all so well thought out to me. It's sensible, it's relatable, it's honestly quite captivating tbh. I love all those women and I don't feel like any of them are my super favorites, but maybe Donna bc I've always loved the character since I played RE Village. They're all so different and interesting that I like them all in different ways.

Honestly, I have no conclusion for this, but I know MC is important for some kind of ritual Miranda's cult is doing. What could it be? How does it connect to the time loop?

[raccoonfallsharder]

do you think Rocket could've used more "tech genius" moments in the movies? For someone supposedly smarter than Stark, it's not actually really shown..

love your fics btw AAAH

yayyyy! i love asks of any variety and it’s been a while since i’ve gotten one so thank you for this! ♡ unfortunately that means you’re getting a novel ( ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)*.ﾟ I’d love to hear YOUR thoughts if you wanna share! and also thank you for saying something so nice about my fics. im so glad you’ve enjoyed them!

and i'm turning this into

headcanon 18 ˚₊‧✶

a standard disclaimer: i am highly biased in the fact that i am like “every scene should have 100% more rocket, even scenes that are already rocket”

but i think two things are going on here

the first is that i think as a general audience, we read tony’s genius more easily than rocket’s (and yes this is a cultural indictment). tony spends a long time making a pretty iron suit with his bruce-wayne-money and some cool weird holographic touchscreens in a shiny lab, and people pick up on that more easily than rocket scavenging parts from the milano to make a bunch of bombs and a moon-killing firearm in five minutes (tantamount to less than a second of actual screen time) because it’s quick and grimy and he just keeps them in a dirty box. audiences are classist ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ and im making this assertion because we do it all the time with real-life geniuses too

this relates to my second point which is that i think that “tech genius moments” probably don’t play well with a general audience when there are “too many” of them, and that in the main trilogy the writers relied on a lot of narrative cues that the audience was meant to pick up (but didn’t, or didn’t in quite the same way that they did with tony because again — pretty shiny lab vs dirty box) & we’re supposed to use those to attribute intuitive technological, strategic, and piloting genius to rocket

let’s break it down! (because im up early && work doesn’t start for another hour)

in volume one, when rocket breaks everyone out of the Kyln im pretty sure we’re meant to read that as a sequence establishing him as the tech & strategic mastermind of the group. i think that is meant to be confirmed in the sequence where in like five minutes he’s salvaged a ton of parts from the milano to make his box-o-bombs & the hadron enforcer, which is the weapon that makes the end of volume one possible, having been used to knock out ronan initially and to break the stone from the cosmi-rod or universal weapon or whatever. (keep in mind he repaired the hadron enforcer within moments of crashing the warbird into the dark aster, crashing the aster into a planet, losing his best friend, getting tossed around by the cosmi-rod, AND having only the resources available to him on a crash-site/battlefield. i do wish we’d gotten more of THIS sequence but like i guess we had to make time to watch chris pratt dance. whatever; i guess i get it from a cinematic standpoint — a classic “it was your story all along but the studio wanted us to focus on starlord” situation)

in volume two, every tech advancement the team has is directly or indirectly credited to rocket. the aero rigs being the main one, i think? but there’s also the mines in the berhert forests with the yondu clan, a conflict where one lil guy almost beat a hoarde of ravagers all by his lonesome due to his strategic genius (and i suspect still would have if not for the unexpected addition of nebula). we also have the dialogue with quill where he asserts that he’s a piloting genius. and rocket’s genius is once again the main reason they win the fight — his ability to create the battery-bomb in like twenty seconds or less.

in volume three, we see him invent gravity boots, we’re meant to attribute the creation of the bowie and presumably the entire speaker system threading knowhere to him (im not sure but possibly also the ocular cannon and some other other knowhere shit??). he’s responsible for all nebula’s upgrades (⸝⸝o̴̶̷᷄‸o̴̶̷̥᷅⸝⸝) which are FANCY. and even though he’s just a babby, we see him solving complex equations, resolving problems the high evolutionary struggled with, crafting a key out of stolen odds-and-ends, and piloting a spacecraft he’s probably never even seen before.. additionally the gravity boots circle back around and are key in his overcoming the high evolutionary (through a combo of tech skill & strategic genius)

i think, narratively speaking, this is a solid amount of “genius establishment” with the time we had, imo. if we made the movies longer to add in more genius moments, i would not complain, though!

THAT SAID. look infinity war and endgame treated our boy so badly. SO badly. i feel certain that given five minutes in Nidavellir he could’ve figured out another way to get that forge up and running. I think we see rocket with the science bros working on the gauntlet (a dynamic i would quite have enjoyed more if) and working on… maybe he’s prepping the benatar for the time heist? I can’t remember, but it’s when he gives stark the classic “you’re only a genius on earth” line. but iw/endgame didn’t give a fuck about the guardians (i get it, i get it, it was the send-off for the og avengers, whatever) so it’s a lot of weak shit and i do wish we had more things establishing him as the true brains of that outfit lol

ANYWAY that’s all my thoughts!! thanks for this really fun ask!!!

[skreebs]

Thinking about the ableism toward Jouno in the BSD fandom and it genuinely pisses me off so badly I want to hit people. I’ll be perusing the tag and looking at stuff and then I’ll see some random pop ups for AO3 and get shit like this

Now I don’t 100% know the context of this screenshot, for all I know this fic could be about him before he lost his sight, but either way it got me thinking and thinking got me angry and being angry means i need to complain. Jouno is already pretty shit blind rep, I’ll be honest. He’s the basic stereotype of “blind character has super senses because they’re blind” but can we give blind people literally ANYTHING else??? jesus christ. I’m pissed how BSD writes his blindness so as per usual I had to attempt to fix all of that myself, but attempting to fix it and removing it entirely are NOT the same and one is VERY MUCH SO WORSE. Again, not talking about this fic specifically but other ones I’ve seen that do this, or those “Jouno if he could see” edits. Spoiler alert, blind people can open their eyes.

I dont know why BSD and every other piece of media is so adamant on not giving visually impaired and blind characters white canes and just giving them "super senses" to get around it. It’s incredibly stupid and abelist to portray stuff like this. Disabilities are not super powers and thank GOD they didnt make that his ability but they still gave him that aspect and I guess it can be excused with SOME lore stuff like maybe he got really good senses from his surgeries but it just sucks that it happened that way at all? And then they don't even touch on how horrible having incredibly hightened senses to the point you can HEAR blood would be?? can you imagine hearing everyone internal organs around you 24/7 EVERYDAY? No one talks about that at all. That would be so fucking overwhelming its genuinely insane. Jouno is such a dear character to me, but genuinely when I remember him in canon without any of my headcanon explinations it’s just really sad that all I can say about him as representation is "well.. it could be worse".

I know there’s going to be at least one person saying “theres good blind rep in other shows though!!” Yes! I know! I’m super glad about that! But ignoring the bad ones doesn’t help much. You need to point out the issues to get good results. Recently, and by recently I mean about 17 hours ago, I watched/listened to the first episode of Daredevil, once with audio descriptions, and then after I watched without AD and had captions. I’m super glad that things are more commonly getting AD—it’d be a bit pathetic if the show with a blind main character was not accessible to blind people—but even with Daredevil, Matt still falls a bit into this stereotype.

Don’t get me wrong, seeing a character with a white cane has me absolutely elated, but from the single episode I’ve seen and what I’ve heard, he apparently also has some sort of super senses, and I know in the first episode he can hear heartbeats. I think super senses as a power is fine, but it’s just the fact they always give it to the blind characters. I, myself, am not blind, nor am I really visually impaired, I just wear glasses. However, as someone with a special interest in disabilities and also as someone that is disabled in other ways, seeing disabled rep fall into stereotypes over and over just really bums me out sometimes.

I think Daredevil is great so far from this one episode, I’ll probably be looking at more of it, but that is definitely just one gripe I have with it. I think Charlie Cox putting a bunch of effort into the role with the method acting and talking to people in the blind community and just all of that is amazing, I love to see that in anything, it’s just urrghh that it’s so hard to find a blind character that doesn’t have some kind of insane superpower senses with things. It reminds me of when characters with autism are so frequently portrayed as geniuses or their autism is only acceptable if it helps the neurotypical cast with “gadgets” or something. I dunno. Hard to explain, it’s 11 at night and I’m tired. Just don’t be ableist in any fandom or in real life. I shouldn’t have to even point out why this shit is disgraceful.

[starker-raving-mads]

For You: Part VI

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX

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It took nearly 2 weeks for the TONY profile to run. Every moment felt like the longest 2 weeks of Peter's life. He had Friday giving him updates at every 5% completion, but he only got those updates once or twice a day.

He spent every day at the penthouse in that time, stopping at May's apartment only twice for dinner (after threats of coming to check on just what he was doing in that lab all the time - which, he really did not want to explain). MJ was nearly as concerned but Ned totally seemed to get it.

"Dude if I had access to Tony Stark's lab I would never, ever leave," his friend had gushed at one of their lunches out at a hole-in-the-wall taco place in Queens.

"You are not helping, Ned."

But the Avengers, at least, also seemed to understand.

"This isn't nearly as bad as what Tony used to do," Rhodey said, beer in hand as he and Peter ate away at too much Vietnamese take out around the penthouse kitchen island. "He wasn't exactly the best role model, but I know you nerd types," he chuckled. "You can't help it."

"Thank you," the teen said emphatically. "It's like once I get on a roll I kind of forget time even exists." Which wasn't true, he'd been counting down the hours until the next 5% interval completed since he started running the algorithm to create the TONY sim, but the colonel didn't need to know that.

"Hey, just as long as you still acknowledge the outside world exists I think you're probably doing pretty okay," the older man shrugged. "So outside of becoming an experiment obsessed little weirdo like the rest of them - "

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," Peter chuckled, stuffing his mouth with dumplings.

" - what have you been up to, Pete?"

It took the young vigilante a solid second to remember life outside the lab.

"Well," he replied, swallowing. He stopped for a gulp of water before continuing. "I picked my classes for the fall semester, which is pretty exciting."

"College is such a game changer," Rhodey agreed, "very exciting. I met Tony in college, you know, back when he was scrawnier than you are now."

"I know," Peter smiled. "He told me; you were a few years older than him at the time, right?"

"Oh absolutely, I was sponsored through the air force," Rhodey nodded. "No 14 year old geniuses in my family," he laughed. "Nah, I was already 20 by the time I met Tony. I was assigned to college dorms because it was just cheaper for the Air Force to put me up through my scholarship. Felt weird being surrounded by a bunch of 18 year olds, but then it got even weirder when Tony was assigned as my roommate."

"I bet it was pretty strange," the teen agreed, stuffing another dumpling in his mouth. The cabbage and meat and spices were just right and he was getting more than a little addicted to them.

"It was, at first," the older man said. "But you know Tony - the man had charisma out the ass even then, and was even more trouble than he was as an adult. Man," he laughed, shaking his head in reverie, "the amount of parties and fights I had to pull him out of. Not to mention that one time he hacked the Pentagon's database."

Peter choked on a dumpling. "He what?" He thought for a second and said, "You know what? I'm not even surprised."

All in all, Peter was pretty sure that his little TONY experiment was way less insane than the shit the older genius had gotten up to in his time and it made him feel a modicum less bad for running such an intense and secret experiment.

And maybe even feel a little closer to his mentor, in a way.

On the 13th day of running the algorithm, though, it finally completed.

"Mom," Friday called, waking Peter out of the doze he'd fallen into on the couch in the penthouse. He'd curled up under the comforter he had stolen away from the master bedroom and was just so comfortable it was hard not to fall into a cozy little nap.

"Yeah, Fri?" He ignored the funny little bright feeling in his chest at Friday calling him Mom - she'd adjusted to it a few days ago, after asking his permission, stating that, 'My research found it is the more common honorific for a close maternal loved one.'

"The TONY simulated Organic Intelligence model has completed."

He sat bolt upright, hair floofing into bedhead curls around his face with the movement. "Oh shit - shoot - uh okay, all right." He scrambled up from the couch, extricating himself from the comforter, and all but ran toward the elevator down to the lab. "Go ahead and boot it up, baby, I'm on my way."

By the time he'd gotten down to the lab, the center of the room was glowing with holographic particles. They floated around for a while before slowly coalescing into a rough blob in the center. The blob started forming distinct shapes at that point - a height of a few inches taller than Peter's own, a lean torso with trim waist, long legs clad in jeans, a torso covered in a very familiar sweater Peter may or may not have worn to bed last night.

Before his eyes, the visage of Tony Stark formed, crystal clear and faintly blue, chest glowing with a fake arc reactor. His eyes were closed but his fingers were twitching, face scrunching. 15 minutes passed with no other change and before he had the courage to ask Friday if it had worked - too scared that it had failed, too scared that it hadn't - the older man's eyes opened.

They glowed a bright, vibrant blue, the same color as the holoparticles and the arc reactor, but the look of them - the tilt of recognition as they took in the lab, the crease between them as they put together the situation - was all Tony.

Peter didn't breath for long moments until the projection in front of him spoke.

"Oh, kid," Mr. Stark said, voice impeccably deep and perfect, shoulders slumping, hands casually being stuffed into his pockets. His entire being screamed the mannerisms of Tony Stark and it both hurt Peter's soul and elated him at the same time.

He was back. He was back.

"Hi, Mr. Stark," the teen said, eyes wide, taking him in.

The older man - the holograph - hummed, looking around the lab like he was taking in the space. He walked over to Peter's desk and went to shuffle some of the paperwork around but his hand passed right through the surface. He chuckled and the sound was deep and rich, as it always had been. He looked over at Peter.

"So, I see you found my Peter Project," he smirked. There was something almost too calm about it, too casual. Peter hadn't known what to expect once he 'woke up' TONY, but it wasn't this somehow.

"Yeah - yeah I did," he ran his hand through his hair, a nervous gesture that fluffed his curls into even wilder disarray than it had been before. "And I did some research and - and I know you couldn't finish it, but - "

"But that you had enough data on me to start me up," the billionaire finished, nodding. "Yeah," he sighed, hands back in his pockets as he sauntered back over to Peter. "I figured you might."

"You - you did?"

"Kid," the man smiled, warm and true this time. "If anyone's gonna know what's going on in that head of yours, it's me," he pointed out. Which, okay, true enough. For a long moment neither of them said anything until Tony sighed, looking over Peter in a way that made his Spidey senses tingle. "I can't believe it worked," he admitted.

"Your logic was sound," Peter rushed out, walking over to the papers scattered over his desk. "You had everything figured out you just didn't have enough data on me, which like I'm sure you realized, obviously, since you had to stop and - "

"No, Pete, I meant the time travel, the undoing of the snap," Tony interrupted.

"Oh," Peter said, very smartly. "Right. Yeah, yeah it worked." He smiled wide and real at the holograph of his mentor. "You brought everyone back!"

"I gotta say," Tony shrugged. He hopped up onto his table, staring into Peter's eyes without any more movement. "I was a little selfish on that front." The way Tony was looking at him was intense and it made Peter's heart beat harder.

"I don't see how it was selfish, Mr. Stark," he shrugged, mimicking Tony's posture by jumping onto his own table. They faced each other now, mirror images - one in holographic blue, and one in full color.

"Because, Pete," Tony said, soft. "It would be a lie to say I did it for any other reason than bringing you back."

Peter's mouth fell open in a soft, surprised gasp. He knew, of course - everyone said, Pepper had said - but it was so different hearing it from what amounted to the man himself.

Tony smiled, soft and sincere, at the look on Peter's face. "There's a lot I don't remember," he admitted. He rubbed a hand on his chest, over and around the glow of the arc reactor. "But I do remember just how important you were to me, kid. I can't imagine the real me being any less devoted to finding a way to get you back."

Peter's breath was coming in quick, sharp pants now. He was trying to slow them down, to breathe, to think but he couldn't - couldn't think of anything but Tony Stark saying he risked the universe just to bring him back. He was hyperventilating, but if this wasn't worth hyperventilating over, what was?

"Kid?" Tony's brows furrowed. "What are you - Friday?"

"Boss, Peter is having a panic attack."

"Shit," the other man swore. He bounded off his table and rushed over to Peter, movement silent and far more quick than any human would be. "Pete, why are you - what do you need?"

"I think you may have overwhelmed Mom with what you said, Boss," Friday supplied helpfully. "Mom, breathe with me. Hold your breath - 1, 2, 3 - breathe out. Breath in - "

The teen focused on the sound of Friday's voice all while his eyes flitted over Tony, who stood there fidgeting and restless with the inability to do anything. After several long, long moments, the tunnel vision that had blurred his vision eased off, his breathing evening out, and he slumped forward, shoulders sagging. He let out a shaky breath before looking up into the worried blue eyes of the natural AI that was now Mr. Stark.

"Hell of an impression of the big bad wolf you have there, kid," he joked, but Peter could see the concern and franticness left in the way he moved, the tilt of his frown. "You okay?"

"Y-yeah," he said, the biggest lie of his life. "I'm okay. I'm fine, Mr. Stark, really. Sorry." He ducked his head again and saw Tony's glowing hand touch his face. He looked back up and the glow on his cheek was still there.

"You've got nothing to be sorry for, Pete," Mr. Stark said, softer than Peter can ever remember him being. "I didn't mean to overwhelm you. And don't tell me I didn't," he said sternly. "I''ve always been a little much," he admitted, backing up, giving Peter some much needed space if he wasn't going to start hyperfixating on the man's face. "I, uh, kinda forgot about needing to real it in."

"No!" Peter jumped in. "No, I don't want you to - to not be yourself with me. It was just," he shrugged, "like I knew, you know? I knew you'd - probably - done it for me. The whole saving the universe thing. Ms. Potts might've mentioned it, and I can put two and two together. It's just having it confirmed, I guess?"

"We'll come back to that thing about Pepper," Mr. Stark said, "but I'm glad you at least had an idea." The older man sighed in a way that was so incredibly human it was hard to think he was only a culmination of data and leaps in logic. "You deserve to know how much you meant to me, Pete. I hung up the whole superhero gig after what Thanos did to you - to everyone. But the moment that Scott Lang came to my house saying there was a way to fix it?" He rolled his eyes to the sky and continued, lost in memory. "There was no way I was going to do anything but try."

"You might've done it for me, Mr. Stark," Peter said, getting the man's attention again. They locked eyes, blue meeting brown. "But you are a good man. I think even if you didn't have me to like push you to do it, you still would've found a way to help."

A wry smile crossed the billionaire's face. "You have too much faith in me, Pete."

"Nah," Peter grinned back. "I've got exactly the right amount."

They stayed there grinning at each other like idiots for a minute before Mr. Stark broke the silence.

"Now tell me, kid," he said, shoulders relaxing, leaning back on his table again. "Why on earth is Friday calling you Mom?"

[seat-safety-switch]

When they started automating my job, and fired all my coworkers, and replaced those coworkers with robots, I didn’t complain. I said, “good idea, boss,” and bit my lip until it bled. That’s how I got promoted. Now I manage an entire division of robots, which is honestly a pretty sweet gig. Lately, though, my relationship with my android coworkers has deteriorated.

Normally, my job consists of showing up sometime around noon, marking all the emails in my inbox as “read,” and then leaving a half hour later. Sometimes, during the silly season, I’ll have to oil one of their joints, or open them up and re-seat a peripheral interface card that’s wobbled loose out of the socket. That doesn’t happen very often, even though these suckers work 24/7 without pay. Anything bigger, the repair robots come and cart away my stressed-out subordinate, never to be seen again, immediately replaced by a new one with a fresh coat of paint and a younger serial number.

Unfortunately, it turns out that those bigwigs at the United Nations figured out that this level of dehumanization and separation from the consequences of my work does something bad to my brain. In fact, it does the exact same thing that it did to my boss when he had a bunch of human subordinates: it turned me into a sociopath. I began running red lights, throwing lit cigarettes at orphanages, and making fun of the elderly for not being smart enough to get a gang of robots to do their work for them. Don’t worry, though, the super-geniuses figured out a way to bring me back to Earth: they decided that it would now be law for the robots I manage to have individual little personalities. Now, I’d feel bad when one of them broke, and the experience of caring for another sentient thing would, in theory, make me less of an asshole.

It only half-worked. See, the thing I liked most about this brave new world of post-human work is that the robots never dropped by my cube to shit-talk about a reality TV show I hadn’t seen. Or make me sign a birthday card for another robot. Or ask me what I thought the weather would be like later today. Sure, they also didn’t engage in ribald office drama culminating in emotional breakdowns around Valentines’ Day, or get mad enough about parking restrictions to storm into the office and kick a four-colour plotter. All of this messy human bullshit was kept to where I preferred it: in my personal life. Now, all that was going to change.

“So, what do you think about the Yankees this year?” asked a robot. A blinking OLED screen on his(?) chest indicated that he was now in “COMFORT MODE” and would not leave until I answered the inquiry and filled up the little socialization meter. I’d have to put up with this bullshit for the rest of my working career, or at least until I figured out how to make a more lifelike, human-like android to replace myself. All I’d have to do is stop by that orphanage on my way home, and see if they had any leftover human skin they weren’t needing.

[delafiseaseses]

What are your thoughts on Samuel Cooke?

Ooo this is a good question. Samuel Cooke's an interestin' bloke.

As we all know, Cooke is very anti-NCR, its even how he ended up in prison. As Cooke describes it 'I was blowing up supply caravans along the 15 freeway. The NCR got wise to my ambush spots, picked me up and threw me in a cage.' (this makes the fact the geniuses in the NCR Prison system put him in proximity to dynamite ridiculous in a way that proves 'ow incompitent the NCR am).

And Cooke is 100% correct in this statement which serves as his motivation:

"Their "republic" is a joke. They're a bunch of tyrants led by an even greater tyrant, that idiot Kimball. They think they have the right to annex every inch of dirt in the West and force their system on every man, woman, and child."

His revolution at the NCRCF, unfortunately, certainly hasn't helped the people of the Mojave: The Primm Escaped Convicts, the Deathclaws infesting the Quarry, the NCRCF Powder Gang which is just a Raider Gang.

Now, I'm not gonna blame Samuel for this, I don't know which parta the Gangers raided the Quarry, I know Cooke probably did some raiding to survive until he found Vault 19, but most of the shit that's happened is other men's faults, not Cooke's.

In fact, Cooke himself seems overall scornful of Raiders as he describes the Fiends as "Like raiders, but worse - these guys are messed up on every damn chem there is. You can spot them by the horned skulls they wear as hats." and prior to his conviction he presumably was only attackin' NCR Military Supply Caravans.

No credit will be given to Cooke in the default Vault 19 ending, the direction he's heading if y'don't interact wi' Vault 19 "Armed with a wide array of improvised explosives and stolen weapons, the Vault 19 Powder Gang tormented the Mojave Wasteland for years. Citizens of the NCR were favorite targets, and they always suffered the worst fates" in that case he ends up just as much a Raider as Eddie, and the specification that they go after Citizens of the NCR and give them 'the worst fates' that's fucked up. Cooke knows not everyone in the NCR Lands is a willing citizen, but I guess the strain of keepin' the gang t'gether and fed made him lose that awareness in that timeline.

Cooke is needed for the gang to stay together too as the 'Cooke Dead' ending says "With Cooke dead, the Powder Gangers at Vault 19 fell apart. Those who weren't destroyed by the Courier fled into the hills or attempted to work their way back through the Mojave Wasteland. Few survived." so without him it all ends badly for those loyal to him.

The Lem Surrender endin' of Vault 19 isn't particularly relevant, as the guys turn 'emselves in, probably will never be released from prison an' Cooke leaves, never to be heard from again (probably runs out of luck an' dies to a Deathclaw or somethin').

Then we have the Khans endin' for Vault 19, where they join wi' the Khans. Its a sensible tactic, though it doesn't change no matter what else y'do with the Khans (also Lem can be convinced t' do it too, but that's also not important).

Cooke's logic is simple an' understandable "There aren't enough of us here to make a real impact on the NCR, and the Khans probably hate the NCR more than we do. Strength in numbers, they say." this also provides an explanation f'why Cooke ends up just a Raider otherwise. He never thinks to ally himself with Mojave-based factions, but its possible he thinks that they wouldn't accept him and his men due to the Raiders that use the Powder Gang and Escaped Convict names.

So, in the end it says "After the majority of the Vault 19 Powder Gangers joined the Great Khans, the weaker members scattered throughout the Mojave Wasteland. Though a few managed to erase their pasts, most never survived the journey." deeply unfortunate for those weaker members. You could write an interestin' story from the perspective of someone in that situation, actually... hmm, maybe another time.

However, sadly, this means that Cooke's revolution, no matter what, never gets off the ground. The Prison Break actively hurt the Mojave and Cooke's legacy to most who know of him would likely be "Guy behind the NCRCF Outbreak" rather than "Anti-NCR Revolutionary". Samuel Cooke was right, but circumstances beyond him meant his revolution never made it.

Also, he killed Philip Lem for understandable reasons, but I'm not gonna let that slide. He could've let Lem leave like he leaves if y'side wi' Lem. Like "Didn't have a choice. He was confusing the men, and I need to control them or we're just a bunch of disorganized idiots." is not an excuse, Cooke.

[29daffodils]

mid-length rant about somdom and it's strange superiority complex

over my almost 1-year in this fandom, i've come across many people and thankfully enough these days i only lurk in the quiet part of the fandom because the other side, is oftentimes very loud about various things to the point they take away all the joy from it.

what I'm a little pissed about right now is the fanmeet in chongqing. our boys are looking gorgeous and acting all cute and nice and everything. in the midst of all this enjoyment, there's the geniuses harping on and on about “oh, why didn't they ask first/khaotung about their next series/about their favourite this or that/about something else?” etc etc. and these are all the fans who haven't been to the fanmeet and typing all this from behind screens.

to add, this is not even the first time this shit has happened. even before, during various fanmeets, these questions have been directed towards fans who went to the FM or towards interviewers who did.

my question is : what the everloving heck is wrong with these people?

there's a thinly veiled superiority complex lurking underneath too if you notice.

one should know that questions from fans are personal to them. some people like to ask about mildly serious things things like the actos' future projects or endeavours while others just want to ask questions that's harmless fun and feeds the fan inside them.

while i am of a similar opinion when it comes to asking such "lame" questions repeatedly to actors, especially by professional event hosts/interviewers, it makes me lose my mind at the audacity some of these other fans have when dictating what kind of questions should be asked by those attending the events.

like, maybe, i dunno, just a suggestion from someone who actually bothers being nice to other people, go and buy the damn ticket and ask those questions yourself?

until a while back i was very confused as to why every other fandom seems to badmouth somdom, but ever since i've come across this bunch (who are slowly growing into a majority), i am tempted to say that they are right. the insane superiority complex when treating your actors/faves as gods when compared to others, whether be it in terms of acting/singing anything else; desperately fitting them into cookie cutter moulds to show how they are better than others; absolutely refusing to accept that they too need to grow into better actors/singers. i could go on and on.

and, this is coming out of left field, but the one funniest thing I've ever seen happening in this fandom is that one particular fight about yuzumumu acrylic nails during the rome fanmeet. like whyyyyyyy.

dear god, these people need to go out and touch grass sometimes.

surprisingly, this bunch still mostly remains on twitter, though they are now migrating to bluesky : only today i saw someone reply under a harmless engagement post about sharing your favourite bl actors' photos, with the words, “well let me introduce first kanaphan. for a change, he can act.” there was no need to add that right under OP's post where they'd shared a pic of nunew (i have never seen him act, nor do i know what he's acted in). while this som may have been right about the acting, god forbid, that was absolutely uncalled for. it seems half of somdom is somehow always geared up to cause trouble and fight with everyone else.

like why? where is all this time and energy and audacity coming from?

p.s. : please do not try to chew me out over this. i am very much open to answering asks and having a healthy conversation over this, but i think most people here by now know that twitter soms are a different breed of unhinged.

[luxurybrownbarbie]

Regarding your previous post about Elon Musk and the social circles. I think a lot of people are forgetting that when you are networking that doesn't necessarily mean these people are your closest friends. It is more like connections of people you know, people you see in events, people who you ask favors from, people who ask favors of you, etc. These people aren't meant to be a part of your inner circle. They are human and are going to have flaws just like everyone else. Of course, there isn't a need to associate yourself with assholes but it is useless to put wealthy people on a pedestal. As long as you are slowly cultivating yourself a group of great, supportive, loving, loyal and intelligent women then you should be good.

Remember the goal isn't to be BFFs with every person you meet. It's to help elevate your life in a variety of ways (business, work, social life, etc.) but don't mistake it as a group of people that you will have strong emotional connections to. Make sure to not take everything you hard or observe too personally. If you don't come from a well-off family you already have the odds stacked against you. There isn't a need to add more psychological barriers to hinder your success.

As Barbie stated, you are going to find misogyny, racism, fatphobia, and so much other shit regardless of whether they are poor, middle class, upper middle class, or rich. There is no point in destroying your potential over that fear.

Also, I hate that so many people never saw how much of an idiot Elon Musk actually was. He never invented anything and he had a habit of taking technology that already existed and making it seem like he came up with something revolutionary. It took too long for certain people to know that he is just a shady businessman - not some tech messiah for humanity.

Exactly! People can (and will!) be shitty no matter what their social class or socioeconomic status. The important thing is that you know how to spot it and protect yourself, instead of venerating people based on a false pretense.

People treat people the way they can within the bounds of what they have. A poor man is going to do a woman dirty within the socioeconomic boundaries he has. A wealthier man will do the same, within his own. Men are men, no matter the social class or socioeconomic status. The idea that you’ll be entirely protected from maltreatment by moving up in the world is an image you have to break. (Look at Meghan, please!)

And yeah, the people who are venerated as geniuses are usually not. Especially in Silicon Valley and the VC world! Elon got a cult of personality built around him by a bunch of weird sycophantic journalists, and now we all have to suffer for it. He’s a dangerous loser and so is his entire family. Let him go, people!

[joltai-showa]

naruto chapter 4 omg omg

say sike now

what do you mean the snake toad slug combo appears on the cover page of CHAPTER 4

kishi are u kidding me

i mean it's not as much of a shock content as the one in chapter 16 (Kishi put a literal jumpscare on that cover page there lmao)

based ngl

but anyway, Kakashi, just run. these three are about to make your life so much more eventful. and you know you don't want to live an eventful life.

also again why are we entrusting children to jonins who really should be in therapy instead of stopping ten year olds from running head first into an iron fence. like, Tobirama 50 years ago made the foundation of shinobi education system and nobody (read Hiruzen because Minato simply didn't have enough time for such reforms THANK YOU OBITO) bothered to update it. BRO PLEASE TRAIN SOME PROPER EDUCATIONAL SPECIALISTS FOR YOUR GENINS, I SWEAR IT WON'T NEGATIVELY AFFECT KONOHA'S PRODUCTION OF GENIUSES.

oh, another funny thing I remembered. let's talk about the at what age senseis get their kids and have to essentially raise them. thank you, past me, for making the timeline to be able to keep track of this stuff, because shit gets wild, in particular when it comes to the nepotistic line of Hokages.

Obviously, we can't exactly calculate this stuff for Hashirama, Tobirama and Hiruzen, because the first two don't even have canonic ages and Hiruzen was born about 20 years before the foundation of ninja Academy in Konoha, so we can only start off with Hiruzen and sannins

Hiruzen was 24 when Tsunade, Orochimaru and Jiraya graduated (all of them were 6 at the time)

Jiraya was also 24 when Minato became genin (who was 10 at the time)

(I am omitting a certain someone for the funny at the end)

Kakashi was 27 when Team 7 became genins (who were 12-13 at the time)

Okay, so everything seems mostly fine (giving Hiruzen a bunch of 6 year olds to teach is certainly... interesting. no wonder all of them grew up messed up in some capacity), only people in mid-twenties were given students which, considering that the average lifespan of a shinobi in pre-villages era was like 30 years, seems reasonable.

But then we remember about Team Minato. Oh Team Minato.

Now it's a bit of a weird case here, because we can't certainly say at what point Minato was given his first genins as Kakashi graduated at 5, while Rin and Obito at 9. I've seen some absurd ranges for Kakashi's age in OG Naruto/Shippuden and people trying to somehow move his birth date to accomodate for a lot of things (because Kishi likes parallels and never considers if events he is showing make sense when compared to what he has already given in the manga/databooks), but for the sake of me not going insane I'm making my calculations with assumption that all three kids from Team Minato were born on the same year. Now, we have two possibilities:

Minato became a teacher when Kakashi graduated (year 55 after Konoha's foundation)

Minato became a teacher when Rin and Obito graduated (year 59)

And I'm inclined to believe in the second option, because a) genin teams in Konoha operate on three-men basis, so it's really weird for this rule to be broken and this 5 year old kid to be given to a really young jonin (even if both of them are GeNiuSeS) b) Hatake Sakumo aka Kakashi's dad lived until year 58 and was one of the best jonins in the village, even compared to Sannins, so it seems reasonable to me to assume that through years 55 to 58 it was Sakumo who was teaching Kakashi and the year following his death Kakashi got assigned his team and a proper sensei c) I am choosing to believe in Konoha's educational system and them NOT giving children to a literal teenager

Of course, all of the above is valid if we ignore Kakashi's chunin promotion age. Which is 6 years old (Konoha what the fuck are you doing giving the officer rank to 6 YEARS OLD????). If we still work under assumption that all kids were born on the same year, then Kakashi should never have been on the same team as Obito and Rin simply because he became chunin way before they even graduated the Academy. If we choose to believe that Kakashi was younger than Obito and Rin AND graduated the Academy on the same year as them, then he really should have been like a full head lower than Obito during the Kannabi bridge mission lmao, that's a 13 year old beefing with a 9 year old (upd I checked the wiki and while databooks have no info on Kakashi's height during Gaiden, Studio Pierrot did the sheets for his design and he is 148 to Obito's 154, so yeah, no way they are that far apart in age in Gaiden). Anyway, there's really no way to take all of the facts that Kishi dropped over the years and force them to make sense on a single timeline, so some stuff has to be ignored, because other important events will simply never take place because they contradict things from the databooks/other scenes.

Anyway, back to the topic of Minato. Now that we've decided that he got his team on the year 59 with Rin and Obito graduating, let's look at how old he was at the time... oh dear.

So fun fact, Minato is older than his students by whole wooping 10 years (yes, Obito's got a bigger age gap with his senpai than his sensei), meaning that at latest Minato started teaching his kids when he was 19. Oh, and another fun fact: the Third Shinobi World War had been ongoing for a full year at that point.

:)

:)))))))

Honestly, props to Minato. It only took 4 years for someone on the team to die. If I was given a bunch of 9 year olds (one of whom was already severly traumatised by his father's suicide and the other two formed the messiest love triangle since Hashirama/Madara/Uchiha's mossy rock with weird inscriptions) when I was 19 and a war was raging on right outside the village, someone would've been dead in, like, a month max.

(and no I don't care if Kishi repeats "OMG HE'S SUCH A GENIUS" twenty times when referring to Minato, being a genius at shinobi stuff and being a genius at teaching the shinobi stuff is, in fact, two completely different set of skills)

Oh, and one more thing. If I was given a penny every time a 19 year old man with blue eyes and blond hair had to mentor Uchiha Obito, I would have had two pennies, which is not a lot, but really weird that it happened two times.

But back to the chapter

I'm honestly crying at how random and on the nose names in Naruto are lol, like, Hatake Kakashi literally means "scarecrow in the farmlands", Haruno Sakura is "sakura in spring", I'm just so used to Horikoshi's carefully constructed names and hero alias that Naruto feels like such a whiplash

also those ideas for Kakashi's name

you just know that there exists an alternative universe where Kakashi's name means "hoe" and the insults to the guy in fanfiction are just out of this world LMAO

back to the panel and I'm loving his answer, he's any interrogator's worst nightmare

"you on the right" BROTHER THAT'S YOUR TEACHER'S KID

dude chill i'm about to get cut from how edgy you are

(tbf given his backstory this speech really is tragic, but out of context god that's the most 13 year old thing I've read all day)

girlie please he just said he wants to murk someone, chill out

Naruto😭😭😭😭😭

(I mean... eventually? lol)

I just know that Kakashi's looking at all of this and thinking to himself that there's no way in hell he, Obito and Rin could have been this bad🤣🤣🤣🤣

I mean... if Naruto was written by someone capable of doing justice to a female character not once in their lifetime, this wouldn't have been the case, but alas (and this conversation deserves to be done on case by case basis)

"i'm fine"

oh look it's the first honorary "coming late" to Obito😃😃😃😃

dude, please, MAKE A NEW FUCKING TEST

that's the same test that HIRUZEN GAVE TO HIS STUDENTS LITERALLY 45 YEARS AGO, omg Konoha's educational system is hopeless.........

(I get that it's supposed to be a cute reference to teacher-student relationship, but fucking hell, it's the same thing from Hiruzen to Jiraya to Minato to Kakashi, no wonder your villages is still running on the same systems that Tobirama established)

Kakashi you're 27 and you're promising to bully 13 year olds. do you really have nothing better to do. like therapy.

girlie, just yesterday your crush was being edgier than a knife and declaring how he's gonna kill someone, NOW you're worried about things getting dangerous?

Is finding your students in Naruto universe like choosing the flying thingie in the Avatar movies? "How will I know it's the one?" "Oh, it'll try to kill you"

that certainly explains the amount of murder that students seem to try to excercise against their teachers (Orochimaru and Hiruzen, Jiraya and Nagato & Konan, Orochimaru and Sasuke, Minato and Obito, Kakashi and Sasuke, Onoki and Deidara)

[dangerous-disposition]

WIP Weekend!

I was tagged back by @sidekick-hero so I'm just gonna do another post but specifically as WIP Weekend!! I am still gonna answer the requests from WIP Wednesday!! I promise!!! I just got wrapped up in 'peace of mind'

THE RULES

In a reblog (or new post w/ rules attached), post up to five (5) filenames of your WIPs; not titles, file names.

Post a snippet from one of them. Snippet must be words you wrote in the last 7 days. We’re posting progress here. If you haven’t made any, go make some and come back to post!

After you’ve posted, people can send you an ask with one of your file names. You must then write 3 sentences in that file. If the filename is one you can’t share from (for example, an event fic), write 3 sentences on it anyway, and then 3 more on another to share.

That’s it! You can invite others to join in, or just post. If you tag me in your post, I will send you an ask request!

THE WIPS

Full disclosure, I'm going to be really focused on 'peace of mind' but I will still write at least 3 lines of the following WIPs if you request them!

Steve Bingo Fics (range from Rated G to E, specify ur preference if u request this)

nile (from the Strap Collection series, Rated E) Not accepting more asks for this one~*~

i'll burn that bridge when i get to it (Rated T, related to 'i could be honest, i could be human')

romcom au

askbox prompt "I don't care what they said, it doesn't mean shit!" (Rated T) not accepting requests for this one anymore this weekend either~*~

THE SNIPPET

This is from the askbox prompt, "I don't care what they said, it doesn't mean shit!"

"No offense, Steve-" Mike started with a smirk toward Will.

"Literally already deeply offended, Wheeler, so watch yourself," Steve warned darkly.

"Why would Eddie want to hang out with you?" Mike finished, and Steve tried to count backwards from 100 to stop himself from shoving the stupid punk into the ditch they were walking along. He got lost around 93, but the frustration helped distract him just as well.

"Eddie and Steve hang out all the time, asshole," Dustin barked at Mike.

"Yes! Thank you, Henderson," Steve said gratefully, grabbing the top of his capped head and shaking him lightly. Dustin grinned over his shoulder at Steve before turning to face forward again.

"Actually, I think, he hangs out with you, Dustin. Steve just happens to also be there," Lucas pointed out, and Steve cringed.

Covering up his reaction with a scoff. "C'mon, Sinclair, you're gonna team up with these assholes on this? Do I need to remind you who out of us showed up for your championship game last spring?"

"You can't keep using that to win Lucas to your side in every argument," Mike said.

"I can, and I will, and who's arguing?" Steve asked. "You said something that was incorrect, Dustin and I corrected it. No one else is arguing."

"You're literally arguing right now," Mike insisted, his voice breaking slightly.

"Am not," Steve shot back, just to see if Mike would rise to it.

"Are too!" Mike shouted, rising to it. When Steve just smirked at him, Mike deflated and pouted. Then he said, "Whatever, Steve. You can think Eddie's hanging out with you if you want, but it's not like you even have the same interests and you can't even keep up with us-"

"That's 'cos you're a bunch of dorky little geniuses, shithead," Steve interrupted.

"And Eddie isn't?" Dustin asked, and Steve stared at him, mouth agape.

"Henderson, are you actually betraying me here?" he asked, and he was surprised to feel actual hurt at that.

Dustin grimaced. "Lucas kinda had a point, Steve. Has Eddie ever invited just you over to his place before?" he asked, and when Steve didn't answer right away, Dustin grimaced again.

"Eddie doesn't like jocks," Mike supplied after a minute and when Lucas protested, Mike snickered and added, "Dumb jocks, sorry."

All of the boys broke into laughter at the joke, and honestly Steve probably would've laughed along with them or jokingly threatened violence on them normally. It wasn't even close to the meanest thing Mike had said about him. But at that moment, he was mulling over every interaction he had with Eddie, searching for a single moment that it had just been the two of them. He was coming up blank, and that just made his mood even more sour.

THE (NO PRESSURE) TAGS

@patchworkgargoyle, @scarcrossdlvrs, @sunflowerharrington, @stobinesque, @matchingbatbites, @afewproblems, @inairbinad, @scoops-stevie, @corrodedbisexual, @starryeyedjanai, @legitcookie, @spicysix, @thefreakandthehair, @pizzaqueen, @steddieas-shegoes, @nburkhardt

[lustrumlane]

Disguise Self || Ephemerael - RE: Elves

“Not even… a real elf?” She repeats Uroro’s words, slowly, making a few twisted expressions as everyone goes around the circle mocking her, before landing on an incredulous, mocking, bark of a laugh in his face.

“What the fuck is a REAL elf, you god damned moron!!!

“Obviously I’m not an elf!!! Elves. Aren’t. REAL! For a bunch of snooty-ass smarty pants detectives, you people are gullible as hell!” She punctuates that, looking at Anisha.

As chaos breaks out and her scheme falls apart, she stops trying to cover her ear with her hand, and points around the room as she addresses the people berating, mocking, or otherwise reacting to her… faux pas.

“Yeah- fine! I’ve been lying to you all about pretty much everything this entire time! My name isn’t Ephemerael or Glymmerplum or anything else stupid, and no, I can’t cast magic spells, and NO, I’m not from the fantasy kingdom of Chimetrea!” She shouts. The jig is up, and so is her attitude. The ethereal, theatrically saccharine guise of Ephemerael is fading fast, so she’s going full sass to match the energy of the crowd.

“Hi everyone,” She waves both hands with a mocking level of cheer. “I’m Al. Al Glynn. From Chicago- well, the Chicago Metro Area. That’s where I work, anyway, and spend most of my nights these days: at the park… which runs a Renaissance Festival. Where I work.” This turns her towards Anisha and Maya in particular, as she tilts her head. “That’s right!! I work at a fucking RenFest!!! It’s not LARPING, it’s not my D&D character, it’s even stupider! It’s my fucking JOB!!!!”

She gestures sweepingly at Packet, next, with an unhinged little shrug.

“I thought it was fun too!!! Most of you did, clearly, with how much you kept wanting to fucking ask me about it!” She lets her voice get louder than it ever did up until now, ‘in character’, and shouts down the others. “Laugh at me all you want, but you’re the group of so-called investigative geniuses that went along with it this long! Either you’re as stupid as me for playing pretend at this age, or worse, for not getting paid for it.”

"The only one here who ALMOST didn’t fall for it was the fucking murderer super genius!” She points at Elena. “And I got her to think I was adorable anyway!!!! If it weren’t for my good-ass Elf Glue, she would have busted me day one, but after that none of you even tried to remember the MEANING of the word doubt per Merriam fucking Webster!!”

Now, she takes a breath, letting it out to calm herself down just a notch. She clenches a fist up at her face, pushing her hair out of the way and picking at the flowers in frustration.

“Look, okay, look. It wasn’t exactly something I planned. I showed up here, it was creepy and wet and everything was freaking me out. All of you dicks looked out-of-this-world, and I looked down at myself- what do you know- they brought me here in costume.”

“At first I thought, that’s weird, last thing I remember was being black-out drunk on New Year’s Eve, the night before computers were gonna cause the end of the world,” She says like it’s no big deal, “Then I remembered, oh yeah, I was getting black-out drunk at the park, in the Minotaur’s wine cellar, where I had my bunker party going on, so we were all still in costume. Anyway, I realized that I was still wearing what I died in- or was kidnapped in- or whatever the hell happened to bring us all here.”

She gestures down at the rest of her outfit, to imply the elf costume.

“Everything moved so fast after that, the only strategy I could think of was to go with the flow and lie with what little I had. Be resourceful, you know? If I told you all I was an elf, maybe that would give me some kind of… advantage in whatever was to come?”

“….but then after a while, I was like… what the fuck was this idea even, holy shit? An ELF, AL? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? But I’d already been walking around telling you guys elf lore and stuff for like EVER at that point, so I had to keep going with it, and you were all being so nice and cool about it, and ugh!!!” She sighs.

“…..so, long story short, I’m sorry, okay? I lied, like, a lot, but that’s just because I panicked. All of you seem so pro compared to me, I had to come up with some way to level the playing field.”

“And that doesn’t mean I murdered Upsilon. Kit,” She says, softening her voice to a more familiar register. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to save you. The truth is close to what I said already. I ran into the blaze to try and help, and then I chickened out once I got burned. I’m not… actually magical, like Dante and Corpsefucker already figured out, so I couldn’t conjure water or a healing spell or anything to help you. I just suck.”

She looks up at the others, softer. Apologetic.

“I fled from the fire after I got burned, and then I went back to the shed. Before I got back, someone had found the body, and we all wound up here.”

[chthonion]

for the ask game:

why. why irrigation subplot. you have sent me on mad quest on wikihow and yt to figure out how they could get the water uphill for that well. amazing job xd

so now i can offer you the mental picture of Feanor, Celebrimbor and Annatar bonding like those guys who make these insane water pumps and slide houses and other installations on yt (Caranthir, yelling out of frame: hey, that was my pet project!!!)

bonus/alt: the "elrond meeting the feanorians" scene - like "oh these people got murdered while murdering my family, okay i get it, gotta call them uncles atm" Elrond sweetie,,,,

🦅 < an eagle to rescue u from the cliffs of perfectionism and writing blocks

ps. i ❤❤❤ your tolkien fics the premise of ""what if we can give these ptsd ridden war criminals amd villains the Powers of Therapy and Emotinal Management"" and the end results are card games, inventing new fields of necromancy, jailbreak from the afterworld into heaven, philosophy and!! snickerdoodles. absolute mayhem disaster masquerading themselves as 100% logical efficient geniuses. effervescent amazing magnificiet, 11/10, *chef's kiss*

In which I continue taking questions for the director's cut ask game (you can still send in suggestions if you want!):\

Why is there a water supply problem???

Look, man, I just wanted Caranthir to have something nice to do in the background! He's staying out of the way of all the drama SO HARD. Is the well an URGENT problem? Absolutely not. Is working on it helping him readjust to life? ABSOLUTELY.

There's something to be said for the fact that Curufin was like...wait. Shit. The thing I do (make weapons) is not an option? What do I do??? And has so far been coping with everything very badly. Meanwhile Caranthir was like...give me a benign problem immediately. Give me literally anything that isn't "go to war" or "fight with my brothers and father". And once he had one he got into it and has not caused any trouble because he's just chilling with his equations and his diagrams. Caranthir and the twins have the right idea; they immediately looked for things they could do to feel more at home in the world again (baking, irrigation, board games, etc) and got right on that.

Elrond meeting the Feanorians

Okay so like. In my head, right, Elrond has been The Responsible Elder for so goddamn long. He's a father. He's in charge of Rivendell. Everybody comes to him for advice. Galadriel's older than him by a long shot, but he and Galadriel have been Coping With This Shit for so long that she's less an elder family member and more one of the few colleagues he can actually rely on. Who has nonetheless generally been inconveniently far away.

He's got his parents back now, but he is still in Responsible Mediator Mode with them, because whooo boy is there a lot to work through there. He's got his wife back and that is amazing and he is over the moon about it but she is still only one person.

And now, suddenly, here are his foster fathers. Who knew him as he was when he was young and angry and hurting and real, not as an idealized image of a lost son or a responsible diplomat who always had a reasonable answer. And here is their whole family, whom he never got to know, who have all the mannerisms that he recognizes from Maedhros and Maglor (and many of which he himself picked up in childhood and never lost), and they are immediately like "family? Nephew? Grandson???" and, look.

They are a bunch of kinslayers and idiots who lit the world on fire. If they do that again there are going to be Problems.

But he already loves two of them and the rest of them are here going "family, maybe?" and Maedhros and Maglor talked about them and missed them and loved them and he feels like he half-knows them already and--

And maybe they're such a mess that Elrond can finally, finally be a little bit of a mess too without anybody acting like it's the end of the world, and--

Yeah. Okay. Maybe Elrond can have some extra family, as a treat. As long as they don't light the world on fire again.

Mayhem disasters masquerading as geniuses

I have two general categories of feeling about the absolute absurdity of this fic's premise, which usually make themselves known simultaneously:

Oh my god what am I doing and why am I doing it

Oh, that's right, I'm doing it because where ELSE could I get this combination of characters to amicably interact with each other, I must make it more ridiculous immediately

...so I am always DELIGHTED to hear that other people are enjoying this weirdness. <3 Look, sometimes I just gotta make messy people with horrifying histories try to be friends with each other and attempt to make better choices. For funsies.