#like my dreams will be point blank referencing something going so far as to literally tell me that in dream but either I don’t know what or

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

I really really wish dreams were easier to understand/interpret

[scribbles97]

Even your unbaked version is so so eloquent 💕 This turned into a whole page of reading into things so I will be kind to the people on my dash and put it under a cut...

“believing he's not worth anybody's time unless he's hurt”

Picking this out specifically because I know there’s been a lot of discourse over the Buckley Parents in this episode. I’m in agreement with the people that have said that this isn’t redeeming them, it’s Buck choosing to move forward in his relationship with them because he feels that they’re trying. They weren’t there any of the other times he was in hospital, but they are now.

But I also believe that the couch and redecorating is just the grownup version of how they treated him when he was injured as a kid soo…

“That msg on the wall is a reminder for him.”

Yes!!! And a reminder that his subconscious must be starting to believe in. It shows us just how far Buck's character has come from the last time we saw his parents in Buck Begins where we all know he was still very much of the belief that if he couldn't save people who was he? Of course, there's things that he sees that he wants to try and fix (the whole donor arc) but I think Bobby's line whilst they're playing cards "You walked away from a world where you could fix everything" signifies a true turning point in Buck and how he sees himself in the world.

I think it's also a reminder to himself of the realisation that being Buck is enough. If you look closely the same message is there in the first scene where Buck meets Coma!Bobby, but you can't read it for everything else that's in the way. Considering that this is all in Buck's head, it's suggesting to me that on a surface level he knows that he is enough and he is valued by his 118 family by just being him. It's only at the end of the Coma Dream that he truly starts to believe it and really sees it as being true. Of course there's still that little bit of doubt there in his self conscious, which is perhaps why we don't see the whole message in full, but Buck is becoming confident enough in himself to 'break the glass' as Chimney put it and let his family do their bit in helping.

Which from what I've read is what we're going to see explored in another episode?

“They never stopped trying because they loved each other enough to never give up”

Excellent call back to the balcony scene where Buck says basically this! (Or maybe even this word for word?). For me this was the real meaning of the episode - the Found Family of it all.

Right before the lightning strike Buck literally says "it almost felt like an actual family." Well Buck... what's missing? What are you referencing this against? What is an 'actual' family to him?

The 118 perhaps?

I feel like I could read into Eddie's response here of "You are an actual family." ... something something,the 118 being an actual family something...my brain is blanking right now so coherent thoughts on this are welcome.

But anyway, "never stop trying and never give up" is exactly what we see in action at the end of 6x10. We see Buck's found family doing everything they possibly can to bring him back and get him home.

And in the end of 6x11 we see Buck making a choice to not give up... very similar to Eddie's choice of not giving up in 3x15.

Which brings me to another thing...

Fix You was an excellent song choice here, I do not fault whoever made that decision. It is Buck to a T if you properly listen to the lyrics that play. HOWEVER... Why not Carry You? The song that played in Eddie's flashbacks during 3x15 AND played more recently when the 118 dug Bobby and May out in 5x16.

Both very significant episodes for Found Family.

Maybe they just don't want to overuse the same song or use it in episodes so close together. I just feel like that song would have linked it all up so nicely after May's comment about Buck being Bobby's son, Athena's demanding he wake up, and Christopher's scene telling Buck that this is only temporary.

I apologise, this turned into a long one with a lot of thoughts that people have probably already had or read themselves.

I’m back! Having just rewatched… still so many thoughts, but noticed that in the final coma scene as Daniel follows Buck into the room there’s a whiteboard behind them with something written on it…

I believe that it’s one from It’s a Wonderful Life (though I’ve never watched it) - remember no man is failure who has friends

I could absolutely go on a rant about the significance of this but wondered if you had any thoughts until I can get something more coherent down 😅

Lol, I remember seeing this one first watch, and I was like, yeah, Buck has his friends, his work family, the family that chooses him every day.

His bio family did a number on him, which has had him believing he's not worth anybody's time unless he's hurt or useful for years.

And in that dream world, he doesn't go to his bio family for help, he goes to his chosen family. To Chimney and Hen and Bobby - the siblings figures and the father figure.

That msg on the wall is a reminder of what is waiting for him. He never failed his chosen family, and they have never failed him, and as long as he has them, he will be okay.

This also threw me to 3x03, where Buck tries to understand why Eddie leaves him with Christopher after the tsunami, Eddie tells him, "And what, you think you failed him?" And "I love him enough to never stop trying, and I know you do too."

Buck's chosen family never failed Buck, and he never failed them, and even through the highs and lows, they never stopped trying because they loved each other enough to never give up.

Unlike certain bio parents, whom, according to Oliver, will be gone by next episode.

Buck's friends, his true family, the one he fought to return to (like in s3, minus the lawsuit), they will be there for him when he really need the support.

This is the unbaked version😅, tell me what you think? 👀❤️

[analytic-chaoticism]

Who Is This?: Friendsim’s Karako Pierot as the Page of Mind

Friendsim volume 14 - as of the time of me starting this - dropped like 30 minutes ago and I’ve been losing my mind for just as long. While Karako’s route provides an insight into the Dark Carnival I’m sure nobody imagined we’d see, I’m going to postpone that discussion in favour of analyzing my new favourite boy and son, Karako Pierot - the Page of Mind (as discussed within the framework of @revolutionaryduelist ’s class system definitions). Spoilers for all 3 of Karako’s routes below. Long post ahead. 

Taz breaks the mould when they assign Pages the active role in the Page/Knight pair, but in the linked Medium essay and in their own blog posts they delineate the point fantastically, so definitely give them a read. All we need to understand for this is that:

“Pages, meanwhile, inspire others to serve them — but once they develop the strength of will to directly exploit their Aspects, as Jake does in the Masterpiece, they become much more powerful” - optimisticDuelist

Karako’s sign is Caprira - the Unwavering - meaning he is a Prospit dreaming Mind player. Mind (in short) is the aspect of logic, thought, possibility, outer identity, and karma - a theme Terezi is steeped in, Karako now supporting. As a purpleblood, his caste - via the presiding Capricorn true sign - are influenced by Rage, the aspect most importantly here related to contrivance and the suspension of disbelief. 

His last name is a reference to Pierrot, a staple character in classical European pantomime, known to contemporary audiences from Jean-Gaspard Deburau’s performances. As his character evolved in the European scene, his defining naivete became an endearing trait that earned him both the title of trusting fool, but a real engendered sympathy for his suffering as the endless butt of a nigh-cosmic joke in his many stories. He is the quintessential clown martyr, and surely deserving of the highest karmic reward for his ability to endure this suffering, performance-in and performance-out. Isn’t that exactly what happens to Karako?

Though the MSPA Reader’s jaunt through Alternia is filled with contrivance already - able to understand Alternian ‘just because’ - the suspension of disbelief is pushed to its limits when they can speak clown (an element of Rage most prominently featured with the most clowny clown we’ve seen so far): 

Karako might just speak in nonsensical honks, but for the Reader, his linguistic logic is as clear as if he were speaking English; the Reader serves or is inspired by his logic, enabling regular communication for his benefit. 

The way in which the Reader interacts with him initially is also a marked and abrupt difference from volumes past. They find him an instantly sympathetic character (remember poor Pierrot?) in his loneliness, but they do not press the friendship advantage. They give him space.

Karako is an understandably nervous boy, a contrast to the Reader’s confidence, with a forwardness and physicality not cogent with Karako’s life experience (the Reader later alluding to Karako’s familiarity with bullies in the seadweller scene). This sudden change in character - an “evolution as a person” - that enables Karako to make independently reasoned and uninfluenced decisions (which the Reader notes is their otherwise usual MO) is Karako allowing service through Mind in the Reader to benefit him. This trend continues when the drone comes.

The Reader ignores the logical choice - running away (which leads to the only true failed route in Karako’s story) - to jump to his defence, literally disguising him with their outer self. They then proceed to do the most logical thing: act natural. The difference is, what is logical to the Reader is so alien to the drone that it doesn’t even perceive them as organic. Again Karako benefits from a subversive and contrived (here literally performative) logic served by the Reader. 

A thematic link to Pages lies in his physiology, beginning from his introduction and ending with the seadweller confrontation in the good route where the player restrains him:

Karako is a small, deformed troll taken in by Bronya (a source of coddling - by necessity - and ownership as literally referenced by his dogtag) leaving him small, a possible allusion to Pierrot as the diminutive form of Pierre. Despite this, he fights the restraints of his body, his adoptive mother, and (literally) the Reader to realize an incredible power that was inside him all along. The description reminded me of something:

Fitting, considering chucklevoodoo - a power of Rage - is the inverse of Hope. As we know, the Page begins the weakest but ends the strongest. Their journey is to assume their independence as the underdog (dogtag x2) and embrace their unique, personal strength despite the meddling of external forces. That’s exactly what Karako does here. The Reader explicitly rationalizes the effects of the chucklevoodoo as a ‘hallucination,’ the affectation of other people’s minds and the skewing of their logic serving Karako an easy win. Before he allowed his emotions to overcome him - an emotional ability rendering his enemies mentally incapable - he did his best to maintain an outer image of impassivity, for which his clown visage serves as a blank mask. He’s determined to not let his body language, his physical appearance, betray his inner workings.

Very Mindy indeed. Pagey too, as he finds himself unable to control his emotions and makes the irrational choice to engage in 3:1 combat, in turn using irrational powers to win. It could be said that here he denies his nature - an important obstacle in the Page’s journey - but his aspect continues to serve him  regardless. Finally, we come to what I would call the true best route, where the Reader attempts to join him in the fight. Thematically speaking, their insertion into his personal battle is just the metaphoric continuation of the fostered dependence holding back his powers. Because he cannot realize them in his struggle to make his own decisions - such as the choice to break free and strife - he loses and the seadwellers kill him. His death triggers a second change in the reader: an internal confrontation with their existential crisis, something they avoid in the Marsti routes. 

They realize the inherent meaninglessness of life when one lives devoid of identity or purpose, and seek to fill that void with a new identity in honour of their dead friend: 

I’m not entirely sure of the reference (the closest I can find is a variation of the Indian surname ‘Sarkar’ coming from the Persian word meaning lord) but with this assumed identity, the Reader looks to deal karmic vengeance upon an illogically unjust world in service for the Page taken from it too soon.

Just as Pierrot is the martyr of the clowns, Karako Pierot is the martyr that inspires clowndom in his friend, the final vestiges of his classpect inspiring an identity crisis and karmic quest in his name. They fight with Mind - literally empowered by it - in his service as his newly made Knight. They see and disregard the arbitrary vortices of possibility to sacrifice themselves for his cause. 

They become his unfeeling blade of clown logic. And even wackier, the clown’s soda seems to do real damage to the seadwellers: irrational weapons realized through faithful contrivance - clown logic. Unfortunately, the shitty Faygo spray is not enough and the Reader dies. Like Karako, they are rewarded for their faith.

They are accepted into the Dark Carnival, an uncanny valley eschewing logic for belief and contrived theatrics. Karako has failed to realize his classpect and fallen victim to the purpleblooded enforcement of Rage. Even in death, the Reader disregards the multitudinous possibilities of Paradox Space for the sake of their friend, who they will spend eternity with in the most irrational heaven of all. This is the true good ending. 

Karako Pierot: good dog, best friend, devout clown, Page of Mind. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

[tiang0u]

peri have you been doing well recently? i hope that your christmas break is going well! have any projects planned or stuff? or anything that you want to share with ur fannnnnns, complete, incomplete, in the works, and the like? (sorry if i sound too thirsty or anything xD i just miss your writing so muchhh)

Anon, my friend, thank you for your concern! As you may be able to tell I don’t possess my usual lowercase spastic exclamatory aesthetic; currently bedridden from a pretty debilitating cold so it’s taken quite a toll! I’m finishing up some things for the td/dk zine, so I don’t have anything recent… but exploring emotional relationships and trauma narratives have always been on my mind, and I do feel pretty guilty that I’ve left a few people hanging, so here’s a piece that I’m always thinking about! (Ahaha, sorry, I took the opportunity to vent out some WIPs, since I’m currently at an impasse with writing!)

Of course, I haven’t really fleshed out any major plot points. Haha, I have all the tags and everything ready, but beyond that, a vague outline and some scenes. Even then, it’s long as hell; the outline itself. I estimate this fic would take at least 20k-30k, because I love wasting words. I guess this will give you perspective into just how disorganized I am~

I’ll probably never write it though. Just the thought of it is depressing, and writing angst fics always bums me out really long afterwards. I like the complexity of human interaction, but it’s draining. Thanks for giving me this opportunity to bring it into the world though!

we met in a sea of dreams (and again when i woke, you were not there, and i was alone.)

rating: mature

tags: angst, implied/referenced torture, implied/referenced child abuse, emotional hurt/comfort, emotional constipation, codependency, body horror, dreamsharing, trauma, friendship, pain

no pairings.

Midoriya Izuku is taken by the League of Villains in their second year. It goes exactly as well as you’d expect. Because the truth of it is they can’t be kids anymore, and the tragedy of it is that they can’t be anything else.

Todoroki Shouto’s first kiss is a sequence of clashing tongues.

A thick, heavy, wet one, in his mouth, pulsing the way a person retches. Pushing mingling saliva down his throat. Forcing him to swallow viscous spit.

Midoriya’s eyes are wide open, lips parted widely against his own, and it’s obscene, wet, profane, and horribly off, and when he catches his breath, Midoriya looks at him, conveying remorse, gratitude, sorrow, guilt, f - e - a - r—and the warp gate closes over his beaten form and falling arm, and separates them in all dimensions.

Todoroki Shouto wakes up choking, lungs burning for air.

As you can tell, this does not bode well. Todoroki is catatonic for a few days; and then one day, he asks for water. And Todoroki doesn’t like hospitals, so he doesn’t cooperate with the nurses; he gets released, gets cleared for school, but not for training or active duty, not by the psychiatrists or Aizawa. One, psychologically. Second, his right arm is entirely shattered.

“The principal and All Might,” Aizawa says, as an afterthought, “want to check up on you.”

“Is that the only reason why,” Shouto says.

There are multiple questions. Why Aizawa has asked him to sit this one out. Why they want to meet him. “Recovery Girl’s orders,” Aizawa answers. “And no.”

Aizawa doesn’t lie to him. That’s nice.

“When.”

“Lunch time. You can take your lunch over there.”

Aizawa is halfway out the door, making his way to the training field where Shouto’s classmates wait, before he leans back in. His face is unreadable.

“If you don’t submit to a psych evaluation by next week, you will fail this course,” he promises. His tone is flat. “Take this time to think about what you’ll do.”

Shouto gives a clipped nod.

/

He didn’t have dreams in the hospital. They sedated him so hard that he had to be helped up to piss. Because he woke up yelling one day and tore all of the catheters out of his arm. He doesn’t remember why.

So, at lunch time, when he goes back to the dorms, he thinks about the reprimand he’s going to get, and then shrugs to himself. He takes the elevator to the second floor and waits outside of Midoriya’s room.

He’ll probably have nightmares without sedation. That’s a given. Thick, black, curling mist. Shoved down his throat, gagging him. Probably. Losing the gravity inside of him, organs getting tugged through a dimension of non-existence, coming out on the other side, reborn and regret. These are the kind of dreams he predicts because Midoriya was dragged through that warp gate with his teeth gritted. And when he caught Todoroki’s gaze, he smiled—

A groaning sound, whining metal. His fingers are suddenly killing him.

He looks down. The door knob is crushed in his palm, his fingers are bent, and when he pulls back, they dangle like dolls with snapped necks.

This is not a dream. The formless scrap hanging from Midoriya’s door has the shape of his fingers pressed permanently. His fingers are killing him.

This is not,

a dream.

“Todoroki, my boy,” a voice calls to him, and when Shouto turns to look, hand dropping to his side, All Might is there, without a smile, and Shouto can’t be saved.

/

“I told the principal that it may be better if I spoke to you alone,” All Might says.

His voice is different in this form. It has a layered quality. Baritone. And grief. Probably.

“Sorry,” Shouto says.”

“I would have come to you anyway,” All Might replies, waving a bony hand in reassurance. He slides a tea cup on a coaster over to Shouto.

All Might is sitting in his room. It turned out like this because he had to go to Recovery Girl for his broken fingers, and All Might walked with him, and then asked if they could speak in private. Shouto wasn’t sure how to respond. And All Might had asked so formally, like he was giving him a choice.

So he bowed his head and waited for All Might to take the lead. They ended up walking back to the dorms. They were almost to the elevator when Shouto finally asked if they were doing this in his room. All Might blinked at him, almost nervously, and then answered, if that was comfortable for him.

All Might is sitting in his room. All Might has just poured and offered him tea. All Might looks like he has attended several funerals, one of them his own, one of them his, and yet he is here, and he is trying to offer something close to salvation. Shouto does not look into his eyes. There are other, more satisfying ways to practice masochism.

“How was your day?” All Might asks.

There are other, more satisfying ways.

“I can’t participate in training,” Shouto says. “My provisional license is suspended until I get a psychiatric evaluation. I’m going to fail out of the hero track if I don’t get one within the week.” He goes silent. And then, just so he doesn’t sound overly petulant, “It was good.”

All Might folds his hands over the table. How will he respond? Shouto just described an obviously really shitty day and then topped it off with flippantry.

“It is okay to say that it was bad,” All Might says.

“I’m not upset,” Shouto returns.

“You don’t have to be.” All Might’s expression softens. “But know that your grief is just as valid as mine.”

So this is where he paves the segue.

“Are you comfortable talking about it?”

Shouto doesn’t know.

“A safe word,” All Might insists.

There. Are. More. Satisfying ways. To practice. Masochism.

“Enji,” Shouto says flatly.

“I would like to explain a few things, then,” All Might tells him, brow quirking at his choice. 

Shouto nods.

“Young Midoriya gave something to you.”

The saliva thickens in his mouth the way a foreign tongue might have filled it. “Enji.”

All Might immediately stops.

This marks the end of everything coherent, as far as what I’ve written! But the first few days back at UA go like this: he doesn’t train. But he doesn’t sleep. The first time he did, he had a nightmare; he woke up cold and sweating and someone was knocking as his door and his back must have been bleeding the skin was literally stripped off he 

was dreaming. He missed dinner; Iida delivered it. Shouto then went to the corner of his room, pressed in from both sides, and waited for the sun to rise again.

And that’s how it goes really, the first few times. The next nightmare is skin stripped from his arms. Water dripping down on his forehead, rolling down his cheeks. Or tears. Then his fingertips. The skin stripped from his fingertips, taking his identity, he wants to die

And then the skin is stripped from his bare feet. He becomes afraid to get up to walk, so he stays in bed.

He has a week to decide to get that psychiatric evalution. Thanks to Recovery Girl, his arm has healed. Aizawa still won’t let him train, and Shouto can’t even punch a wall out of frustration without obliterating a) the wall and b) his hand. With a no-holds-barred he could probably kill his classmates. He can’t control it.

Aizawa doesn’t pressure him to get the psychiatric evaluation. But Bakugou lingers during lunch time and strides up to Shouto’s desk. They are the only two people in the classroom and Bakugou says flatly that Shouto has Midoriya’s quirk. They have this really one-sided discussion that Shouto really does not want to have, and Bakugou ends up giving him a flat ultimatum–either get his head out of his ass or pass it on.

Shouto first wants to clarify that, one, his head is not in his ass. It’s in a place far worse, so if Bakugou wants to jibe, he needs to up his game. Two, didn’t think you cared–

And he wonders if Bakugou will punch him, but Bakugou just levels him with a very, very blank stare.

“You aren’t gonna save him?” he says, and fucker is that a punch.

Shouto blinks, and the sound of existence becomes white noise on the brink.

He thinks about the way Midoriya smiled at him. When they were on patrol that day, they were talking about Shouto’s mom. She was moving out of the hospital. Going to Ito. It was—

“I want to punch you,” Shouto says honestly. He knows Shouto can’t. Not without killing him. “The principal has guards stationed on me. I can’t even leave campus. I don’t know what you mean.”

“Because you’re fucked up in the head and you need a psych evaluation,” Bakugou replies and repeats, “If you’re not gonna do shit, pass it on.”

Shouto has two more days to decide and ultimately, after a few more nightmares, he decides he wants to talk to Midoriya’s mother. He should, since he was the last person to see her son, so he tells Aizawa he’s headed out and Aizawa’s like, you already know that you’re not allowed off grounds without someone posted on you.

Shouto tries to reason he won’t do anything, but Aizawa shrugs. Shouto’s a liability until he gets evaluated, but luckily, someone else is going to see her too. After school. Teacher’s lounge. It’s All Might, of course. They go to see Midoriya’s mother, and Shouto can’t go inside, so he grits his teeth and waits in the car as All Might returns, and he finally decides that he’s going to get that psychiatric evaluation. And he tells All Might that he wants to save Izuku, and so they end up with training sessions! And when Shouto returns that night, he realizes what those dreams were. Izuku’s and his consciousness are linked, the way all OfA users are; and the dreamsharing has occurred because both users are still alive. And so begins a saga.

Points that I really want to make:

And so all of this is the set-up to All Might and Shouto talking, All Might and Shouto taking on a similar mentor-student relationship to All Might and Izuku. It starts off awkward, not necessarily rocky, but their common ground is first Izuku, and then Endeavor, and Shouto doesn’t try to let slip the abuse, it lives with him and in him, but–but when All Might becomes more of a father figure to Shouto, it’s harder for him to draw the line. In turn, he has a lot of resentment and burgeoning feelings of longing for All Might to be his father instead–and even if he was taught to hate All Might by Endeavor, he could never demonize this man. It’s not that he hates All Might. It’s that he hates feeling the complexity of his abuse, and he doesn’t want to think about it, but being around All Might in close proximity like this could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.

It does, in fact. Shouto is humiliated when he explains to All Might what happened throughout his childhood. All Might is furious, and then All Might promises him, and says that he is doing well, that he is strong, and he is brave.

They find out that All Might could probably do the dreamsharing too. But he takes sleep medication because sometimes, if he doesn’t, all he can dream of is the way he crushed All for One’s skull and shifted his skin and bones irreparably. 

“He was originally quirkless.”

“Yes.” And All Might’s firm gaze tells him everything he needs to know.

Shouto doesn’t ask.

“You won’t ask why…?”

Shouto shrugs. “It’s Midoriya,” he says, and All Might’s eyes widen before he turns away. The shadow is cast over his face.

“Do you want to talk about it?” All Might asks him softly after regaining his composure.

Shouto stares at him.

“Todoroki, my boy?”

Shouto realizes his face feels warm. Because above all of the shame and anger at himself for not being strong enough, he can remember the distinct sensation of Midoriya sticking a tongue in his mouth.

“…No,” Shouto says.

One of the reasons why he does not pass One for All onto Mirio is because he can’t be sure that Izuku will get One for All back, if the administration have anything to say about. All Might hears his concerns loud and clear and accepts his decision to keep One for All until Izuku is returned.

Mirio personally admits that having a quirk again would be nice. Mirio knows that if he pushes the issue, he, more qualified, would naturally be given One for All. But Mirio says Midoriya wanted to save that girl, above all, despite everything. And then Mirio says, All Might and Midoriya are really the same. He smiles wryly at Shouto and says that Shouto seems to be of the same stock.

Bakugou and Shouto are not friends. But they’re allies. However, this fic does have Bakugou redemption, or post-redemption + exploration of how Midoriya and Bakugou are. Shouto and Bakugou do not get along, but they come to understand each other more than they want to. Shouto is cruel in how he pushes away others. Bakugou is cruel in the way he pulls them in. That’s an antiparallel that I like writing, so I’ve included it, haha. But ultimately, Bakugou wants to save Midoriya, and if asked why, he would answer, Ask questions that can actually be answered. Shouto asks him once exactly what Bakugou thinks of Midoriya, because he knows that Bakugou would never directly admit that he wants to save Midoriya out loud. Bakugou responds, he’s Deku. And that could mean any sort of thing from insult to identification, but the utter disdain in his voice, like Todoroki even has to ask, like it’s obvious to all and every, really takes the cake.

Shouto has purely platonic relationships. He is purely asexual. This story really has no sexual or romantic pairings. It does deal with some aspects of asexuality that I personally wanted to address. In this fic, I headcanon that Shouto is ace while Bakugou is aromantic asexual. Anything with these two characters is either platonic or one-sided from the other party’s perspective. Of course, there is subtext. You never know.

The reason that Shouto and Midoriya can share dreams is because Midoriya is the ninth wielder and Shouto is the tenth. It was said that Midoriya could actually see the previous wielders, including All Might, so I thought it could be extended that the ability to communicate with previous wielders becomes more available as the power of One for All increases, as a consequence. YOLO. First, Todoroki just has nightmares of being tortured, unbeknownst to him that this is Midoriya’s visceral experience, and then he finally synchs up with Midoriya after five nightmares, and they appear in the same dream.

Half of this fic is interactions between the two of them in their dreamshare. The other half is interactions with All Might, Bakugou, introspection, and the like.

The relationship that they build is codependency on Midoriya’s part. Being alive in the League of Villains’ dungeon is such a living hell that he’d rather be asleep, so he’s always unconscious. Shouto, on one hand, somehow becomes addicted to sleeping. Or rather, he thinks about the way that Midoriya is floating alone on the wavelength shared between them, and he thinks about the way that he must be the only reprieve in Midoriya’s currently miserable existence, and he starts sleeping a lot as a result. All Might mistakes it as depression—which, correct diagnosis, but wrong symptom, there were other signs — but Shouto explains that it’s that he’s talking to Midoriya and doesn’t respond otherwise.

The first dream that they have together, Midoriya sees him and asks if he’s real. And then he apologizes for the kiss, and when Shouto takes it in stride by waving it off, Midoriya wonders if this isn’t really a dream? Shouto says that it really isn’t, and Midoriya insists that it is, he was sure Todoroki-kun would have been at least a little disgunrlted? And Shouto is like, this isn’t a dream and I was fine with it. And Midoriya grimaces and says, I forcefully kissed you and made you swallow my spit. Todoroki-kun, seriously.

There is one instance of tension. Midoriya wonders if he’s going to die here. Or he wonders if it would be better to die. Shouto says that they are going to save him. Midoriya says that it’s okay, the fact that he could become a hero in this life is enough for him, and Shouto orders him to stop talking like that, and Midoriya says jokingly that he guesses if he did have one regret, it would be that he didn’t really get to experience anything else. He says, “I’m really glad that I made friends in high school.” But he guesses that he really will never have a first love, or hold someone’s hand, or be held by them, or go on a date, or a kiss—

Shouto pulls Midoriya forward and kisses him, brief, angry. It’s the dream. It’s made him something different. You kissed me back there, Shouto points out, pulling back, a little sour. It was his first. Then he laces their fingers together, wrapping his other arm around Midoriya’s shoulder, and he says, even though I can’t give you those things in the way you want, here.

Midoriya relaxes against his hold. Do tears exist in a world of dreams? Todoroki-kun, are you in love with me?

I don’t think I am, Shouto admits. Not in love, at least. But I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to kill someone. Until Shigaraki.

And Midoriya replies that that’s fair.

Are you, Shouto asks.

In love? Midoriya responds. Faraway, he says into Todoroki’s shoulder, I was. Once. Someone. I don’t have the capacity for it any more.

Shouto is relieved to hear this. 

Anyway Midoriya doesn’t let on when he’s getting tortured far worse. When Shouto asks him if All for One knows he doesn’t have One for All anymore, he doesn’t know if it’s better or worse when Midoriya rasps, he knows.

At some point, Shouto tells Midoriya to stop wearing his projection. Midoriya falters and says that it looks pretty bad. Shouto says that he needs to know how bad.

Midoriya asks if Shouto can share dreams with All Might. When Shouto asks if he wants for him to bring All Might into the dream, Midoriya seems to think better of it and says no. When Shouto asks why, Midoriya finalls says:

“He’ll ask me if I’m doing okay, and then he’ll—” and then, face crumpling, he shakes his head.

Bakugou and Midoriya are hard to quantify. I guess I’d say that I heavily implied some one-sided love on Izuku’s behalf, but of course they both realize it’s an unhealthy relationship. It’s complex in a way that I can’t describe in a sick state. But Bakugou figures it out, he’s smart. It’s one of the many more things he avoided thinking about as a result, but Midoriya not being there anymore is scary.

Bakugou didn’t return these feelings at any point.

The reason he was so cruel to Midoriya wasn’t because he was disgusted by the idea of love. It’s his superiority-inferiority complex.

He in no way ever used that love against Midoriya in an abusive way. Just repeatedly pushed him away and the like; got cruel when Midoriya was persistent–but he never used the fact that Midoriya felt this way against him.

That’s really all I can say on the matter. It’s closed. Of course, Midoriya doesn’t feel that way anymore either. They’re kids with the capacity to move on. It was highly toxic, and it won’t be happening in the fic at all.

When they do rescue Izuku, Shouto shatters his index finger striking a blow against Shigaraki in a way that ensures he’ll never be able to touch all five fingers down on any surface, ever. Bakugou even says, what the fuck, Todoroki.

Shouto gives One for All back to Izuku. He says, full circle, that it’s Midoriya’s power.

It ends with the three of them. Unspoken is the sheer amount of trauma recovery that will be required, the fallout and aftermath of this serious failure on behalf of the hero industry. Haha, I was going to take the easy way out and time-skip.

It ends like this:

“Todoroki, my boy,” All Might says kindly. “You are doing well.”

Thank you!