#like love em and all but i was sitting down w em and i'm eating good food w em and i'm all like. can't wait to go back home lmao

[neonstatic]

nauuur not blood week ruining my mood AND lunchdate with the girlies....

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

The Carrot (The Surprise, Part 11)

Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, absolute smut, oral, idk just sex, pregnancy times, established relationship, explicit language (I'm bad at these but let me know if I'm missing anything) Word count: 1.2k

Summary: Emily surprises you with breakfast in bed for your first Mother's Day. But you've got a Mother's Day surprise of your own up your sleeve...

Week 21: The Carrot

“Rise and shine, honey.”

You stretched and opened your eyes, smiling as you took in Emily standing above you holding a breakfast tray. You pulled yourself into a sitting position.

“What’s all this for?” you asked as she placed the tray over your lap. Coffee (decaf), a warm croissant, and a tiny little sprig of baby’s breath–your favorite flowers–in a miniature jar. You grabbed Emily’s hand as she stood, pulling her back down so you could kiss her.

She smiled into you. “It’s Mother’s Day.”

Your heart soared. So cute. So kind and thoughtful, your wife.

“This is so sweet of you, Em. But, uh…” You nibbled on your croissant. “Mother’s Day was last weekend.”

“I know that,” she insisted, climbing into bed to sit next to you. “But I wasn’t here last weekend.” She took a sip of your coffee and you swatted at her arm.

“Hey!” you protested. “You can’t give me Mother’s Day breakfast and then eat the breakfast.”

“I can. I’m also a mother.” She took a bite of your croissant and grinned mischievously at you.

You felt a little guilty. You hadn’t even thought about Mother’s Day, except to call your own mom and wish her a happy one. Maybe you should have done something for Emily. You’d have to think about what to get her.

“What do you want her to call you?” you asked, taking your coffee back and sipping on it. You hadn’t discussed it yet–what the baby would call you both. “I want to be Mama, I think. If it’s okay with you.”

Emily looked at you lovingly, brushing a stray strand of hair out of your face. She nodded. “You can be Mama. You’ll be a perfect Mama.”

You blushed and smiled softly.

“What are you gonna be?”

“I haven’t really thought about it,” she admitted, leaning her head against your shoulder. “Maybe Maman. Like in France.”

“That’s pretty.” You laced your fingers with hers, smiling as her eyebrows furrowed and she bit her lip. You loved her thinking face. In fact, you couldn’t stop looking at her thinking face. She smelled like an almond croissant and her lips were so full and so kissable, and her skin was soft against your fingers and wow your sex drive was through the roof during this trimester. “You’re pretty,” you added, more to yourself than anything.

“What?” she said, looking at you, eyes twinkling.

Suddenly, you knew exactly what to get Emily for Mother’s Day. You lifted up the tray and set it on the nightstand, turning to face her, sinking your fingertips into the skin that peeked out from under her shirt and moving your face so close to hers that you could feel her breath on your lips.

“She could call you Mommy.”

Emily blinked, flustered. “W-what?”

“Or, even better,” you added, placing a sensual kiss on her neck. “I could call you Mommy.”

“Oh my god,” Emily groaned, placing her hands on your waist, already breathing heavily.

“You like that?”

She nodded, moaning as you ran your tongue up her neck and landed at her mouth, kissing her deeply.

You made out with her there on the bed, high on the knowledge that you were getting her so riled up, your mouth roaming her neck, her shoulders, her collarbone, and always, always her lips. You couldn’t get enough of her lips.

When you had her so desperate that her hips were pushing into you, you pulled away and leaned in to press your lips to her ear. “I need you, Mommy,” you whispered.

“Holy fucking shit,” Emily said breathily. “Anything, I’ll do anything.”

You sat back and she shot forward, desperate to touch you. “I want you…” you started, smirking, laying back on the bed beside her as her chest heaved. She hung on your every word. It was intoxicating. “To ride my face.”

Emily looked like she might pass out, eyes glazed, breath heavy and desperate. “Are you serious?” she asked, panting.

You leaned up to tug down on the waistband of her sweats. “Please, Mommy,” you said, licking your lips.

Emily had never undressed faster. She crashed her lips into yours, chest pressed against you, your hands searching out her nipples to drive her even crazier. You were drunk on the power you had right now.

“You’re sure?” she confirmed again, sitting up as she straddled your waist.

You ran your thumb lightly over her clit and she shuddered. “I want to taste you.”

Emily shakily moved herself up to straddle your face and your stomach did flips. She was nearly dripping and, yet still, she held herself back from lowering onto you, as if she was scared she’d hurt you. Impatient to bury your face in her, you wrapped your arms around her thighs and pulled her down, moaning as her taste hit your tongue.

You were in heaven. It was rare for Emily to let herself go like this, to let you be in charge, to do what you told her to. But if the sounds she was making were any indication of how you were doing, you’d say you were doing very well.

She started slow, fighting against the urge to grind herself into you as hard as she could. She didn’t want to hurt you. She was afraid of herself, of her own strength, but more than that, of the strength of her desire.

But you used your nose to encourage her, dragging it back and forth along her clit as your tongue explored her entrance, lapping up every bit of her that she could give you. You felt lightheaded. Would you faint? Maybe. Would it be worth it? God, yes.

Her soft little grunts and groans came faster and faster as she thrust against your face, using the headboard to pull for even more friction. You reached a hand up to squeeze one of her breasts and she moaned.

You knew Emily. You knew what she felt like, what she sounded like. You knew the way her walls fluttered when she was about to go over the edge, and you could feel her getting close.

You hummed into her and she gasped. “Come on, Mommy,” you teased her, your voice vibrating into her. “Let it go. Come for me. Come on my face.”

And Emily lost it. She was usually quiet when she came, but not today. She whimpered and whined as she rode out her high, soaking your face and you drank up every last bit of her, lapping and lapping until she squirmed away. She collapsed at your side, heaving and flushed beet red from her face to her chest.

She giggled, grinning, as she tried to catch her breath. You kissed her cheek, feeling unreasonably proud of yourself. She turned to look at you and brushed your sticky hair out of your face.

“Jesus,” Emily chuckled. “You’re a mess.”

“Good?” you asked, raising your eyebrows and smirking. 

“Amazing,” she gushed. “Fuck.”

You kissed her again, letting her taste herself on your tongue. She curled around you, resting her head on your chest.

“Happy Not Mother’s Day, honey,” you said, kissing the top of her head.

“Happy Not Mother’s Day,” she whispered into your chest, placing a gentle hand on your baby bump.

[sugar-omi]

WAITTT but imagine if cove and mc can actually get out the door to their dinner date w/o dropping everything to fuck!! i fear at the restaurant cove would be an absolute menace of a tease the entire time, pleading w/ you to let him touch you cuz this man just wants you SOOO BAD YOU LOOK SO GOOD HOW CAN HE NOT?-$’ wit

or he’s like super whiny about it all, he just wants out of here so he can touch on you without repercussions dudes practically BEGGINGGG for yall to go home cuz he’s just sooo hard he can’t stand it OH EM GEE MOOTIE

bonus points yall end up doing at the restaurant YK WHAT IM SAYIN AHHH

jfc I think abt that way too much!!! and while the thought is so tantalizing, so arousing that it makes you fucking sick with need. it'd be so dangerous to fuck cove in a public place

you know he can't be quiet. and he's laying pipe so well, working your body so well that it'd be impossible for you to stay quiet too...

before either of you give in, his desire for you is so obvious to everyone. you'd sit at the table, and cove would move his chair so he's sitting next to you instead of in front of you, and while you're trying to browse the menu, he's shaking his leg... then watching you impatiently as you decide on your order.

"cove... knock it off." you hiss, gripping his traveling hand on your thigh.

"i'm sorry.. you jus look so good right now..." he purrs, nuzzling his nose under your ear, his lips placing fluttering kisses along your jaw.

it's a good thing the restaurant is dark, one of those fancy, lowlit romantic restaurants that may or may not have any business being this expensive depending on how good the food is.

he barely pulls himself together long enough for the waiter to take your order and leave.

while you're waiting, there's a bit of small talk between you. maybe you're on a well-deserved vacation and raving about the activities he planned for you two earlier that day, or how boring work was and that you looked forward to this date so much. that you missed him..

and he just looks so in love, leaning in his elbow, watching you with those heart eyes.

but when you aren't looking, his eyes are trailing over you, along your collarbone, following the lines of your body and expanse of your pretty skin, perhaps your necklaces twinkling in the candle light, until his eyes find your chest, biting his lip as he imagines what's underneath.

because you know he watched you get ready, saw you take a long time in the bath until you smelt good and looked even better, than helped you put on lotion, any jewelry, "helped" you do your hair or makeup by hugging your waist and kissing your neck.

watched you pull on all your clothes. he knows what underwear is underneath that outfit, and while he loves it on you. he wants it on the floor, with your legs on his shoulders, and he wants to go down on you until you're squirming, crying even. and only then will he--

has to break out of it when the food comes. forces a smile and a polite thank you even though his jeans are getting tight, and his mind is hazing with lust. wanting nothing more than to bend you over the table...

he stuffs down this overbearing lust long enough for you two to eat. but you can't even get the last bite in your mouth before he's leaning into you again, his big hand on your thigh, gripping and squeezing the flesh. [his hand high up your skirt] it's like his body heat is marking you. a simple touch from him as your body flaring up, squirming and squeezing your thighs as he brushes his fingers against your clothed sex...

"please.. i wanna be close to you, and you look so sexy tonight..." he pants right into your ear, sound desperate. out of breath. pleading.. "ion wanna wait until we get back.."

you tense, chewing your food as you try to hold your resolve. he's so enticing.. if it wasn't illegal, and perhaps too embarrassing for the both of you. you'd take him right now.

"cove..." you try to ignore his kisses on your jaw and neck. your voice strained, and you can feel him smirk against your skin. "you're not gonna die if we don't fuck right now."

although you might if he doesn't get his hand off your sex, his fingers stroking your clit through the fabric / his palm groping your filling bulge.

"i might." he grins widely, mischievously. you can even hear the teasing tilt in his voice but you can't focus on it, or his cockiness, when he bites down lightly on your skin.

removes your hand from your face when you stifle your moan, your cheeks hot and eyes cut at him. the restaurant is full, and while everyone seems to be focused on their food or business, you're in public.

but everything melts in the face of those sweet blue eyes, so wide and deep like the ocean, dark waves pulling you under when he pulls you into a kiss, his lips addictive on your tongue.

he kisses you like he's putting a spell on you, and he probably is, probably has because you've been with him for over 10 years, known each other for longer. you can't get enough of him, ever.

and you always find yourself rolling along with his tricks. because when he pulls away, your heart breaks. you want him. wanna feel his touch and his hot skin, his moans in your ear and his hands pulling you into him, drawing his name from the depths of your chest in a cry of escatsy.

"okay..." you breathe out, lips parting, wet and trembling. you're a mess from a simple kiss, although his teasing hand under the table has a lot to do with it..

you sneak away after asking the waiter for dessert, hoping that the recent ask will at least let them stay off your trail even though you might not be at the table once it comes.

you can't even bring yourself to care that much, because cove's hands are pulling up your clothes and tugging down your bottoms..

he wouldn't be above going down on you right here and now either, especially if you don't protest. and if you're afab, don't worry about sitting your ass on the questionable sink or toilet, just throw your leg over his shoulder and let him hold up your weight. just spread your legs, hold your skirt or shirt up, and lean forward for him...

that's too long though. i need a separate post for that...

he finally sinks into you. don't ask me if he has a condom on hand, that's up to you... but I also like to imagine him fucking you so well, so desperately, the sex has your mind spiralling at the thrill of possibly being caught, being heard.

and on top of that, having to go back to the table with his cum stuffed into your bullied insides, his cum hot and sticky and you have to make sure no cum was left on the floor, embarrassingly, shyly wiping up your mess. wiping up the line of cum running down your shaky thighs.

and now you have to sit and squirm while eating your dessert, his cum pooling in your undies and you're so paranoid about leaving any spots on your clothes. maybe it's just the anxiety talking, but you feel like everyone knows. you feel like the waiter can see through you, and when you walk out you worry that everyone knows something..

anyway anyway...

my whole point is, cove would be so loud. really, you're playing a dangerous game here.

because he tries to be quiet he really does.. he thrusts in and out so slowly... almost like you're making love for the first time again.

but he can't put up with this, you grinding back into him isn't enough, your butt meeting him in the middle with a muffled clap from his clothes in between to muffle the sound..

it's not enough. the strategic maneuvers of your hips isn't good enough, he needs to feel you tight and hot around him, your load moans bouncing off these walls and your strangled cries for more as he fucks you harder and harder against this wall.

he knows it's animalistic. he isn't usually so fucking horny, so desperate. so feral. but he just needs more, needs to scratch that deep itch and climb impossible highs together.

mumbles something, you can't hear. not when he speaks so lowly and you can still hear the hustle and bustle outside, your ears seemingly stuffed with cotton.

"ah-!" you cry so pretty, and cove's groan echos off the wall. this is bad, you're too noisy. the audible plap plap plap of his thrusts echo off the tiles and you can't catch the moans and whimpers that slip out, and even with cove gritting his teeth, he still curses and groans, his gravely voice purring out praises.

if someone got close, they'd hear. in fact, maybe they can already. you don't know how thick these walls are, definitely not enough to hide the cries and groans and gumbled mantra of your man babbling about how good you feel, you're so pretty, so hot, so perfect. he loves you, loves you so much...

if he wasn't loud already, when he gets close you better kiss him, or stuff your fingers in his mouth, let him suck and drool all over the two digits, eyes lidded and fluttering, cheeks flushed as he inches closer n closer..

he'd be so receptive to your dirty talk too. go ahead and tell him how nasty it is he can't even wait to get home, how he's so needy and cute. say whatever you want, he's eating it up the entire time.

ohh and if you bring up someone listening, just for this i want him to like it. want him to tremble and burst with pleasure and need at the thought that's someone's listening to him fuck you, wish they were either one of you because your moans sound so pretty, the passion obviously hot from the other side of the door...

after cleaning up, you'd both all but run out of there. but even if cove laughs nervously, or acts shy, embarrassed. he can't hide his damn glow, or how happy he is with himself.

[braxlrose]

CAN WE GET THEM BILL NSFW HC PLS 🙏🙏 LOADS OF EM’ TOO. TY MA 🫶

SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG 😭😭

(MY ENGLISCH IS SO BAD IN THIS OMG IM SO SORRY 😭)

I'm a full on believer that this man loves everything.

Titties, ass, thighs etc.

I don't really think he likes one more than the other, he loves them all and whatever he can get he'll take it 😍

The first time you two did it was super fucking awkward

Yall didn't know wtf you were doing but you ended up getting the hang of it and it was really sweet

Yall know what aftercare is? Bill is the actual defintion of it.

See ^^^ 😇

He will clean you off (if you guys didn't use a condom), make you a bath, light fucking candles and all that shit, wash your body, hair, (ik bros got the best shampoo and conditioner), and once yall are out he'll kiss your entire body

Get you snacks

Water soda juice

Whatever you want, he'll find a way to get it

He's a really intimate guy so he doesn't like the thought of just falling asleep after and not giving you any reassurance

I feel like he really likes any position where he can see your face aka missionary, mating press, legs over his shoulders, up against a wall, cowgirl, etc.

He just loves seeing your facial expressions

Plus it's harder to hide your moans if your not face down in a pillow 🤭

Unless he's super horny

He takes his time with you

He'll kiss you what feels like forever before moving down to your neck to fill it up with hickies

And then once he's finally done he'll lay on top of you and suck your nipples

Bonus points if you have piercings there

And he does all this shit with his hands

Grazing them lightly up and down your body to make you shiver

He'll give you like a million hickies on your stomach and boobs

He also definitely does the thing where you make a heart of hickies

Like I said, HE LOVES taking his time with you

Also

HE DOES THE KNEE THING

bros a big ass mfn tease

ima be upfront

he's a little asshole

Backtracking a bit to making out is when he does it, and right when you start humping your dumb little cunt against him is when he stops

cuz he's a fckn asshole

Loves hearing you whine

It makes his dick so hard

And I think we all know he's got a big dick

So he likes to prep you a ton before putting it in bc he doesn't want to actually hurt you

He's eats you out like his life depends on it

And he actually doesn't understand guys who don't like going down on girls

Like full on straight guys who don't like doing it? Makes NO sense to him bc he loves it

He loves toying with you little clit and the way you grip his hair as he shoves his tongue out of your dumb little hole

You've got hair down there?

He doesn't care

Pussy is pussy and he'll take what he can get bc he loves it

He also feels bad if you've sucked him off and he hasn't done anything yet

He believes in equal balance between you two

ON THAT TOPIC

If he's sitting on the edge of the bed while you suck him off, he's gripping the sheets like his life depends on it

Unless you're going too slow

Then his grab your hair and face fuck you until he cums 😍

As long as your okay w/ that

He doesn't want to do anything your not okay with

Which means the first couple times you guys had sex he was asking like a billion questions

"Is this okay?"

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Do you want me to pull out?"

"Did that hurt?!"

"Are you positive your okay?"

"Are you sure"

"If you want to stop we can"

You're gonna have to shut him up, even though it's super sweet 🥰

If you guys are ever trying anything new, he always makes sure you're okay with it and even while in the middle of something he makes sure your okay, just in case you wanna stop

SHOWER FUCKING 🗣🗣🗣

It's so good

It'll usually start out w/ you two washing eachothers body and then either one of you or both of you get horny asf and just end up making out with his dick pounding you like the world will stop spinning if he stops

And since yall are already in the shower, there's already some aftercare done for him

He said in an interview once (I don't remember which one) but he likes girls who are a challenge so he really likes brats

I don't think he'd be like a hard dom or anything, (I could never see him as one) but he does like putting you in your place sometimes

But he doesn't like power dynamics with sex, he gets grossed out by that kind of stuff

He doesn't like feeling like he's got power over you or can manipulate you or something

That makes him sick

But he does like brats and I stand by that 🙍🏻‍♀️

Anyways

Sit. On. His. Face.

He loves it

"But I'll crush you" bro does not care AT ALL.

69ing is a must sometimes

Sucking his dick while he fucks you with his tongue? He'll cum so quick you guys

Which brings me to riding him

He loves it so good

As much as he likes being a top, having you on top of him just using him to cum makes him cum.

You just look so fucking good on top of him he can't help it

OMG SUCK HIM OFF IN AN INTERVIEW???

I can just imagine him trying to hide his face and moans while talking

Him bringing his hand under the table to put on top of your head and bob your head up and down his dick

He'll start coughing like fucking crazy if you accidentally gag on his dick

He likes the adrenaline of getting caught, but to actually get caught?

Nah he'd die on the spot.

now ik some people will disagree with me on this, but I don't think he'd wanna share you with tom

Ik some people headcanon he would, but like I said before he's a very intimate person and wants to be the only one seeing your body

ANYWAYS HOPE YOU ENJOYED ❤❤❤ LEMME KNOW IF YOU WANT MORE POOKS 😘

[sunshinesteviee]

Thinking about Steve doing his daughters hair and how much fun they all have. Like I'm imagining him trying out new styles all the time and then telling his daughters how beautiful they are. <3

this made my heart so full omg i love love loved this sm i made it a lil blurb hehe; dad!steve & mom!reader, 1.1k hehe

-

Steve does his girls’ hair at breakfast every morning while they’re busy eating. It’s easier when they’re occupied with something else. He places their pancakes in front of them and gets to work on their hair. Phoebe is first, requesting pigtails with bows, knowing her dad’s limitations. She’s always easy, usually has simple requests, and has gotten good at sitting still. He gets her soft curls into two pigtails and then pats her gently, telling her to go find two bows so he can put them in her hair. She jumps up quickly, running off to their bedroom in search of her bows.  

“Me next, daddy!” Nora exclaims, bouncing in her seat excitedly. She knows she’s next, she always is, but she can’t wait any longer, especially when she knows exactly what she wants. 

“You’re next, Nor,” Steve nods, rounding the table to her seat, “How do you want your hair today, honey?”

“Mmm… I want braids. Please,” she still struggles with her r’s from time to time, and it comes out as a w sound instead. 

“Braids, huh?” Steve asks, running a brush through her hair as carefully as he can, “Just one braid? Or more than one?” He’s still not great at braids, so he secretly hopes she just wants one, but he’ll try his best no matter what she requests. 

“Umm…” she pauses, taking a moment to put up a few of her fingers, “two pretty braids!”

“Two braids?” Steve asks, gently fixing her fingers, putting down the extra one she’d held up, “There, that’s two, baby. Yeah, we can do two. Think you can sit still and eat your pancakes while I do your hair?”

Nora nods confidently, tiny fingers vying for the pieces of pancake on her plate, shoving it into her mouth a bit roughly, smearing syrup across her cheek. Steve does his best not to laugh, wiping the syrup away before getting started on Nora’s hair. She sits mostly still for a few minutes, but it’s not long until she starts wiggling again. He can’t blame her; her pancakes are gone and with nothing to distract her, she finds it hard to sit still, but only one of the braids is done, “Nora, honey, I just gotta do one more. Sit still, please. I promise I’m almost done.”

Claire, the baby — who isn’t much of a baby anymore — proves to be a good distraction while Steve finishes up Nora’s hair. She’s making a mess with her food more than she’s actually eating it, and Nora giggles the entire time, making silly faces at Claire that she’s seen Steve do a hundred times. It makes Steve’s heart swell to see them interact like they do, but Phoebe and Nora have to get to school soon, so he squeezes Nora’s shoulders gently, “Your braids are done, baby. Go look at ‘em!”

She quickly scrambles off of her chair, darting to the bathroom just down the hall. Steve can hear the way she knocks a few things around to drag her stool in front of the mirror, followed by a shriek of excitement. She’s flying back into the kitchen a moment later, small arms wrapping around Steve’s legs, “I love it! Thank you, daddy!”

“You’re welcome, babe. They look so, so pretty on you. Go see if Bee needs help with her bows, yeah?”

Steve finally turns his attention to his youngest. Claire is sitting in her highchair, waiting patiently for her turn. Everything about Claire goes against what Steve had heard about the third child. She’s quiet and patient, even as a toddler. He smiles at her, ruffling the dark waves on her head, “Ready for your turn, Claire bear?”

She babbles some nonsense that Steve takes as a yes, clapping her hands together excitedly as he dips down to press a kiss to the top of her head. She doesn’t have too much hair, yet, so his choices are limited, but still he asks softly, “What do you want, bear? You’d look so pretty with a little pony, don’t ya think?”

He runs his fingers through her wispy hair, pulling a little bit of it out of her eyes and tying it back with a small elastic. He works on cleaning her up next, wiping the sticky syrup from her chubby cheeks and fingers. Unbuckling the pieces that keep her in the highchair, Steve lifts her up, perching her on his hip, “All clean! Y’ready to bring your sisters to school, huh? Should we go find ‘em?” 

But then, just before he can go off in search of them, both of them return to the kitchen, followed by you. You’re ready for work, in your nice clothes, hair and makeup done, and Steve grins at the sight of you. You’re always beautiful, of course, but it’s the first time Steve’s getting a good look at you today, and it makes his heart skip a beat, “There’s my girls! Look at all of you! You all look so pretty today. Can you at least take turns looking so gorgeous? Gonna give dad a heart attack.”

You roll your eyes at his dramatics, but smile all the same as you approach Steve and peck his lips before plucking Claire out of his arms, “Don’t be so dramatic, Steven. You’ve managed it every other day, I’m sure you’ll make it through today.” 

Steve huffs, returning the quick kiss. His hands travel down to your small bump as soon as Claire’s out of grasp, rubbing in a small circle over your shirt, “You’re the worst offender, honey. That pregnancy glow is really kicking in.” 

“It wasn’t before?” you ask, totally teasing, though you know it’ll get a reaction out of him. 

“No, it totally was, I just meant—“ 

“Kidding, Stevie,” you giggle, pressing your fingers into Claire’s tummy to get her to laugh, too, “Nora’s braids look really nice today, babe. I’ll help them get their shoes on, you should go get ready for work, too.” 

“I will,” he laughs, pressing a kiss to your cheek, and then Claire’s, turning to leave. 

Just as Steve makes it to the door, though, Phoebe tugs on the hem of Steve’s shirt to get his attention, “Daddy! Look at my bows!” She turns quickly to show him the bows she’d picked out for her hair. They’re not matching, but she likes them, and that’s all that matters to Steve. 

“Oh wow, honey, they’re perfect! Great choices. Daddy’s gonna get ready for work, and we’ll head to school, okay? Help your sisters get their shoes on so mommy doesn’t have to do all the work, okay?”

"Steve! I'm pregnant, not incapable of helping our girls get ready!" 

[sirthisisa-wendys]

Can I request a racer Ran x Fem reader!!!

BTW you are awesome

Thanks so much! I can do this for ya!

Flip 'Em: Ran Haitani x Fem!Reader

wc: 935

tw: none

masterlist

The smell of burning rubber and the roar of motorcycles in the distance are familiar to you - like background noise.

"Do you ever get annoyed by the sound of those things?" You stop peering through your binoculars to spare a glance at the bimbo beside you. She'd been hustled into coming to this by one of her on-again-off-again flings; that's all you knew about her from the brief conversation you caught on the way in.

"You'll get used to it." If you're around for more than a month. You turn around to look at the other women in the crowded suite just to see if any of them were looking your way. But they all seem to be too busy chatting based on the casual way they're standing, champagne glasses filled to the brim and mouth filled with gossip.

"Do you come here often?" What really miffs you about this lingering gnat is that she doesn't stop talking. Especially to you. You want to wave your hand at the other wives in the room and urge them to come scoop their lost puppy up but part of you feels guilty that she has no friends.

Doesn't mean I have to be her friend.

"Listen," you mutter, placing your binoculars back up to your eyes. "You should go find someone else to talk to."

"W-why?" You hear the whimper in her voice, but that only serves to irritate you more. Before you can reply, you hear a voice behind you call out your name.

"Mrs. Haitani," the host announces, walking toward you with a small flip phone. You hold it up to your ear and look down at the track. You can barely see Ran from here, but you can hear his labored breathing on the other end.

"You okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine; I was just checking in on you. Are the girls behaving?"

You spare a glance at the bimbo still standing beside you; her eyes are wide now that she knows who you are. "For the most part."

"Let me know if I need to set anyone straight," Ran murmurs and you chuckle, imagining him tossing his helmet to the pit crew and storming up to the suites with his signature blank face. "Can't wait to take a fat nap after this."

"I'll make sure the driver gets here right on time."

"No press, no pictures, nothing. I want to sleep as soon as I get off this track." Ran vanity would never let him avoid the press and cameras and opportunities to flaunt his status. But you nod as if he can see you and reply,

"I hear you, handsome."

"I love you."

"Love you most."

"Impossible." And the line hangs up. You hand the phone back to the suited man and watch the race begin, your eyes straining to see the black and blonde hair in the mass of racers. Lane 6, you mentally note, then lower your binoculars. The other women have crowded around the television, keen on only catching the first parts of the race so they can say they "watched" it. In reality, they would watch the first ten minutes of the race and then disperse two-by-two, finding spots where they can sit and talk trash about rival drivers.

You, however, stay standing at the glass window, watching the crowd erupt in excitement as the race begins. The other ladies have culled the bimbo to them, holdin her nearby as to initiate her into the "ways of racer wife-ry" despite her behind an obvious flavor of the month and not the newest addition to the bunch. She would guest star for about three shows and then disappear with the others. You'd seen them all come and go; this was no different.

"She's one of the original five," you catch someone whispering loudly. "I wouldn't mess around with her." The Original five. They meant Mikey's long time fiancée, Izana's girlfriend, Shinichiro's wife, Draken's wife - Emma - and you. Of the four of you, only Mikey's wife and you were left in the rat race. Racing was tiresome, drained your energy and the time you spent as a family... No one wonder it would eat the other three alive and drive them to make their significant others drop the whole charade and come home.

Ran races by on his second lap, his braids blowing in the wind. You don't clap and cheer eagerly like other, less knowledgeable girls do. You just stay stoic. The race isn't even close to being over. Why would you celebrate?

But as the competition goes from one clear winner to neck and neck, your interest peaks. Ran's been stuck in second place, but a tight loop around the track places him a few feet ahead of the former first-place winner.

You smirk with pride, holding your binoculars in a vice-like grip as the race comes to it's tight end. Shouts of outrage and jubilation erupt around you as Ran crosses the finish line first, followed impossibly close by his contender. You don't partake in the celebrations, though. You just make your way out of the suite and down the stairs to meet him at the finish line.

Ran's already waiting for you with his arms out, planting a long kiss on your lips and holding you close. "Did the girls cry about it?" he jokes in your ear.

"If they did, I wasn't watching." Ran laughs and gives you another big kiss, then raises his middle finger in the direction of the women still watching in the suite.

"Let 'em get a mouthful of that."

[grenue]

Incorrect Quotes /w Grenue, @doggyfood, @i-give-u--art, @mysticcroissant, and @ooka-fez even though only two have interacted with each other verbally-

Rooney to Bee: Me? I'm the bee knees, but, you? You're just...  Grenue: Cockroach ankles!  Rooney: Ye- uh, what?

-

Ookami: Bee is restricted to decaf for the rest of this adventure.

-

Rooney: I’m so jetlagged I can’t even regrender my chorf.  *Everyone stares at Rooney*  Rooney: I don’t even know what I was trying to say.

-

Rooney: Stop failing.  Ookami: Don’t tell me what to do! I'll fail right now!  Ookami: *Succeeds*  Ookami: Dang it!

-

Mystic: Ducks are better than rabbits.  Rooney: What? Rabbits are adorable. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? Ducks are jerks.  Ookami: Duck is delicious! Rabbit is all gamey.  Rooney: We’re not talking about flavour, Ookami!  Ookami: Flavour counts!  Rooney: Who carries around a duck’s foot for good luck? Anyone?  Grenue: You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I’ll wrap myself in a comforter stuffed with duck feathers! Who’s cozier?  Rooney: Okay, but-  Grenue: NO, NO, NO, NO. WHO’S COZIER?  Ookami: Then why don’t we take a rabbit, a duck, stick ‘em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out!  Rooney: BECAUSE IT’S ILLEGAL, OOKAMI!  Ookami: ONLY IF WE BET ON IT, ROONEY!  Mystic: I- Jesus-

-

Grenue: Why do you think I don’t like you? I do. I would kill for you.  Grenue: Ask me to kill for you.  Mystic: ...First of all, calm down-

-

Bee: wow you and Ookami are home early from the movies. What happened?  Mystic: We got kicked out because Ookami wouldn't stop yelling diving scores as people jumped off the titanic.  Ookami: That last guy had a solid 8, I'm telling you!

-

Bee: Hi could I ask how exactly does one accidentally set a lemon on fire?  Mystic: Microwave for 40 minutes.  Ookami: WHY WERE YOU MICROWAVING A LEMON?!  Mystic: I read boiling lemons helps cover up bad smells and I wanted to cover up the scent of burnt oranges, but I didn’t own any pots…  Rooney: Did you burn an orange too? HOW?!  Mystic: Microwave for 40 minutes.

-

*The Squad is gathered in the living room for a meeting*  Bee: *walks in and sits on Rooney’s lap*  The Squad: …  Grenue: Why are you sitting there?  Bee: There’s no free seats!  Grenue: But we made sure there was enough room for-  Rooney: *hugs Bee tightly* There are no free seats.

-

Bee: We’re playing Scrabble. It’s a nightmare.  Rooney: Scrabble? Scrabble’s great.  Bee: Not when you’re playing with Grenue, it’s not. They put words like “ephemeral” and I put “dog.”

(Arthritis.)

-

Mystic: *double checking supplies in the boat* Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen.  Ookami: Hot dog costumes!  Mystic: I’m sorry, what?  Ookami: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Grenue, goes mad with hunger, we’ll put these on. Grenue hates hot dogs, so they probably won’t eat us.  Mystic: Are you saying that Grenue would rather eat us than hot dogs?  Grenue: I do hate hot dogs.

-

Bee: *eating a cinnamon roll*  Ookami: Cannibalism.  Bee: *confused chewing noises*

-

*Bee dies in a game with ships*  Rooney: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.  Rooney: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.  Ookami: Legend has it that Bee still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks.  Bee: Of course I do.

-

Ookami: God has let me live another day and I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

-

Ookami: Surgery is basically just stabbing someone to life.  Mystic: Please never become a surgeon.

-

Bee, on the phone: Uh. . Hey, Rooney, i uh, I’ve been stabbed.  Ookami: WHAT? WHERE ARE YOU?  Bee: Wait- You aren’t Rooney. Sorry- I didn’t mean to call you-  Ookami: NO, WHERE ARE YOU? IM COMING THERE. IM NOT GOING TO LEAVE SOMEONE ALONE THATS BEEN STABBED.

-

Bee: Go and tell Ookami why you insisted on putting a normal-sized carrot in a bag of baby carrots.  Grenue: Bee: Do it, tell them what you told me earlier.  Grenue, stuttering: I-it's because... th-they need adult supervision...  Ookami:

(Ay, anyone who’s probably gonna live with me at some point. This is something you’re gonna have to deal with.)

-

Grenue: Ookami's refusing to wear their glasses!  Ookami: Grenue, look, I wore the glasses for a day. My eyes are much better now. Watch.  Ookami: *points to Mystic* Mystic.  Ookami: *points to Bee* Bee.  Ookami: *points to Rooney* Sasquatch.

-

Mystic: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.  Ookami: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY FUCKING HOUSE!!!

-

*The gang when they drop food on the floor*  Bee: Aw man. *Throws it away*  Mystic: Five second rule!  Grenue: Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? *Eats it off the floor*  Rooney: *Sobs on the floor*

-

Ily guys <3

[cantstoplovingjude]

To Steal You Away: Alfons Sylvatica Bitter

This is from Ikemen Villains EN, Cybird owns everything.

Alfons: "Since Liam's away, this is the perfect opportunity to do all sorts of shameless and indecent things to you."

Alfons: "Now that our mission is done, we can extend our date. The excitement's only just begun."

Alfons smiled and took me somewhere I never would've guessed.

==========

Kate: "Is this a night market?"

Alfons: "Yes. They hold it a few times a month and sell everything front fresh fruit to strange and exotic animals."

Alfons: "I heard they even secretly sell people's... company for the night, if you get my drift."

(Wow, that's pretty scandalous...)

Kate: "Oh, Alfons! Look at that pretty candy over there!"

Alfons: "You're really bad at changing the subject, did you know that? Well, I suppose that's how you managed to survive so far."

Regardless, just as Alfons said, the night market was filled with all sorts of things.

And many of them were things I'd never seen before. Just walking around looking at everything was exciting.

But for some reason, the fear and anxiety that lingered in my heart was holding me back from truly enjoying myself.

(It's frustrating that I can't enjoy myself here.)

(I wish I were better at just shrugging things off and forgetting about them...)

Alfons walked ahead at me and pointed at something.

Alfons: "Look, Kate. There's some kind of crowd gathering over there."

I followed his gaze and saw a crowd of people next to a signboard.

Kate: "...'Bring Your Beau! Chow Down Challenge'...?

Organizer: "Well, aren't you two easy on the eyes! You interested in the contest?"

Kate: "Um, no... We were just looking."

Mean Man: "Oh, please! They both look so frail, a stiff gust of wind could snap 'em in half! They could never beat us. Right, honey?"

Mean Woman: "That's right, darling. You two should go home before you embarrass yourselves."

A nearby couple that seemed to have entered the contest suddenly accosted us.

(Uh-oh. I have a bad feeling about this...)

Kate: "Alfons, let's just go."

Alfons: "Brilliant idea, Miss Kate."

Alfons: "Can we participate in this contest?"

Kate: "What?! I didn't mean go THAT way!"

Organizer: "Yes, of course! The more the merrier. Come on!"

Kate: "W-wait, Alfons. Are you even listening to me?!"

Kate: "Are we seriously going to participate?!"

Alfons: "Luckily, they're flexible and allow last-minute entrants!"

The couple who tried to pick a fight with us were now sneering.

(Oh, no... Can't I just forfeit?)

Alfons's smile only deepened when he saw my nerves.

Alfons: "You know how much I love having fun."

(...I really wish I didn't.)

Meanwhile, we were instructed to sit down at the table.

There was a bunch of tomatoes piled up in front of us.

Kate: "We have to eat all of those?!"

Alfons: "Seems like it. Ooh, they're fresh off the vine. Look how juicy and red they are."

Alfons: "Ahha, as red as your face when you get angry."

Kate: "Listen, this is no time for jokes! It says over there the losers have to pay a fine!"

Organizer: "Behold, the Great Tomato Eating Contest begins now! Winner takes home a fabulous prize! Loser pays the price... literally!"

Organizer: "One match, fair and square. Three, two, one, go!"

At the signal, the participants all started chowing down on the tomatoes.

They ate with such fervent gusto I could only stare in amazement.

(...Whoa.)

(There's no way Alfons and I can eat like that.)

I let out a sigh of resignation and turned to look at the tomatoes.

Kate: "H-huh? Half the tomatoes are already gone! Where did they go?"

Alfons: "In here, of course."

Alfons pointed to his stomach and grinned.

Alfons: "Didn't I tell you? Not only did I have a very refined upbringing, but I have a very robust stomach."

Mean Man: "...That stringbean is gaining on us! Hurry up and eat!"

(...Maybe we can actually win this!)

Kate: "Okay, I'm gonna dig in, too!"

Alfons: "Ahha. Be careful not to go too crazy."

Both of us frantically stuffed the tomatoes into our mouths.

Organizer: "And the winners are... our last-minute entrants!"

I looked up in surprise and heard the cheers from the audience.

(We did it... We won!)

Kate: "Alfons, we won... Pfft!"

Alfons: "What?"

Kate: "Ahaha, do you have any idea what your face looks like right now?"

Alfons: "Go look at your own face in a mirror and then see what you have to say, my dear."

Alfons: "You're just as much of a mess as I am."

Kate: "Am I really?"

I hesitantly wiped my mouth and looked down to see my hand covered in red tomato juice.

(Well, I guess I did get a little carried away...)

Alfons: "You look terrible."

Kate: "Well, that makes two of us!"

Organizer: "And the prize for our winning couple is... a year's worth of tomatoes!"

Kate: "...You've got to be kidding me!"

Alfons: "Oh my, how in the world will we bring that home?"

Kate: "Hahaha, right?"

(Oh...)

(I'm smiling and laughing...)

All of a sudden, I realized the fear and anxiety that had been weighing down my heart had disappeared.

==========

We boarded a carriage filled with tomatoes and headed home toward Crown Castle.

As I gazed at the scenery that passed by, I couldn't stop thinking about something.

(Maybe the real reason he took me out was to cheer me up?)

(He's so elusive. I can never tell what he's really feeling.)

-Flashback-

Alfons: "Liam needs to forget about reality sometimes."

Alfons: "You're starting to pick up on that fact, aren't you?"

-Flashback Ends-

(I don't think he's the kind of person who would neglect someone else's feelings...)

Maybe it was my own misunderstanding, or maybe I was just trying to attach meaning to things.

But I felt like I would regret it if I didn't say something.

Kate: "Thank you for taking me out tonight."

Alfons: "Oh, goodness me."

Alfons: "I'm not sure if you've misunderstood, but I was just having fun."

Alfons: "Well, no matter. You're free to think as you please."

Kate: "...I will, then."

He raised an eyebrow as he gazed back at me.

Kate: "So please... Tell me more about yourself. I want to get to know you better."

Kate: "Deeper."

Alfons: "You want to get to know me more deeply, do you?"

Alfons: "Oh dear, have you fallen for me that quickly?"

Kate: "What?!"

Alfons: "Because that's what your eyes are saying."

Alfons: "Poor, sweet Liam, having to be dragged into this tangle of lust."

Alfons: "I am a pacifist, you know."

Kate: "Oh, give me a break, Alfons."

Alfons: "Heheh. I have a feeling we're going to have even more fun together from now on."

The more I reached out to him, the more elusive he became, like shadows slipping through my fingers.

The closer I got to him, the more it felt like he was pushing me away.

(...So why can't I stop thinking about him so much?)

End Bitter.

[mikeyforreal]

some random adrian chase head cannons :P

a/n: just some random thought about my favorite crime-fighting goofball :)

cw: fluff, some cussing, a few depictions of violence

miscellaneous hcs

• okay so first off, i know this isn't really a head cannon but james gunn confirmed that the visor in vig's suit is prescription and idk i just love that fact

• anyway, real head cannons now

• i'm like 99.99% sure he has a playlist for when he's on patrol and makes chris listen to it with him

• also, i think he'd have the same wired earphones from like 2014 that came with his iphone 6

• adrian's favorite candy is probably skittles or m&ms because of the fun colors (sometimes he likes to sort them if he's feeling a bit bored)

• i just know he has a collection of vhs tapes that he bought from a secondhand store/had as a kid

• speaking of collections he probably also has a bunch of cd's

• i dunno why but i feel like adrian loves star wars and has since he was little (and also has all the og trilogy movies on vhs)

• definitely has a cheap walmart lightsaber lying around somewhere

• GOLDEN RETRIEVER ENERGY !!!

• i feel like as a kid he loved finding bugs, digging for worms, ect.

• one time he tried eating one, didn't turn out good for him (he couldn't stop throwing up for like 3 days)

• since it's cannon he played/plays dnd, he'd probably play magic, the gathering as well 😭

• i also think that he'd really love the artificial grape flavor ??

• LMAO i think he'd have a little chainsaw keychain lying around somewhere

• def listens to abba, spice girls, and yung gravy

• probably good with kids? he'd set the the house on fire if he watched some but he can keep them entertained at least ?

• manchild (i will not elaborate)

• he reminds me of jake peralta from brooklyn-99

being best friends/in a relationship with adrian

• let's face it, they're practically the same thing

• i justttt know that he made like 10 secret handshakes for the two of you

• his love language is probably words of affirmation, quality time, or touch (maybe all of them, who knows)

• wants to teach you how to play mtg and dnd !!! (please let him teach you he'll be over the moon)

• def has a playlist that he wants to listen to with you

• two words: movie dates

• adrian loves watching movies with you !! even if he's seen it a few dozen times, he'd watch it again just to see your first time reactions :)

• THEMED COSTUMES !!!

• if you're down, he'd want to match with you ever year, something different and cooler than the last

• if you wear glasses, you better bet your ass that he's switching with you 24/7

• you cant go an hour without your glasses getting taken off and replaced with his

• also, i think that adrian wouldn't have the cleanest glasses 😭 you def gotta give 'em a good scrub every now and then

• dr. pepper enthusiast fs

• discounted/sometimes free food and fennel fields

• if you can work from home and go there often just to eat and work, he's definitely spending his 15 minute breaks (and longer than that) sitting with you and chatting

• he's always bringing home leftovers or breadsticks that he stole

• i think adrian has a pretty decent comic collection, and would go to shops with you for dates or hangouts

• he's probably super good friends with the owner (or at least that's what he thinks)

• when he's patrolling, he randomly facetimes you???

• like he has a guy near death and he's having a full conversation with you

• adrian has tonsss of silly and random nicknames for you !! he just calls you whatever you remind him of

• whenever he goes over to your place or vice versa, you two have a special knock that lets either of you know immediately who it is

• one of his ideal dates would probably be going to the park and feeding ducks !! (and him trying to catch them)

• he also randomly makes machine gun noises ?? what's that about ??

• the two of you'll just be chilling watching tv or something and then you hear 'CHCHCHCHC' and see him doing finger guns or whatever

• and when you ask him about it he's just like "what do you mean babe?"

• would probably beg you to get a little cat or a dog

• if you initially say no, he's gonna pull out a whole powerpoint presentation on why you should say yes (and he's wearing his fanciest clothes)

• FRIENDSHIP BRACELETS !!!

• it doesn't matter where or what they look like, if he sees some at the gas station, store, theme park, wherever, he's buying some for the two of you

• your relationship is basically that one scene in bobs burgers scene where tina makes a friendship bracelet for louise and tina's like "oh you don't have to wear it" and louise snatches it and says "no i'm gonna wear it forever, back off"

• proud malewife

• adrian is in the kitchen a lot, always fixing up snacks for you

a/n: let me know if i should make another one of these with another character !

[fishsticksloser]

A hc of reader sister (little sister) who loves using memes sound effects to communicate with the family instead of her talk like " bruh " or " why are you running? ".

And it's fun because it makes everyone laugh.

Meme!Younger Sibling

RotTMNT & gn!reader

Warnings: swearing, platonic fluff, what you say is in green

A/N: They are meme connoisseurs, Raph doesn't understand, but is supportive. Coloring the words took way longer than I thought... I have a 6 hour car ride to the hospital so ask away!

Previous  |  Next

You got your taste in memes from your brothers

Leo and Donnie definitely have the most knowledge in memes

"Tight! So let me be, I'm here to give you customer service. and I'll set you free! (right)"

"Reese's Puffs! Reese's Puffs! Reese's Puffs! Reese's Puffs! Eat 'em up! Eat 'em up! Eat 'em up! Eat 'em up!"

It's almost completely random

They've learned not to ask what you're doing...

"Hey, what are you doing Waiting for them to play Gangnam Style..."

Mikey and Leo participate the most

At one point you were really into Bully Maguire memes

Raph was terrified of you

"I'm gonna put some dirt in your eye... W-What!? What did I do?"

Remember that video of the country guy standing on his truck with Nunchaku?

Yeah... That's a you and Mikey staple

"Daisy Dukes, bikinis on top. Sunkissed so hot it'll melt your popsicle!"

You, Leo, and Donnie are the most chaotic about it

Raph and Mikey are a little annoyed by the meme bond you guys have

"I got a plane! I got a plane! I love the fame! I love the fame! You know my name! You know my name!"

Being the 2 youngest, though, you and Mikey have something you will never have with the others

and that's having unlimited meme potential

"It's wizard time, motherfucker! Fire Ball!!"

Raph was very upset about this... ^^^

You are probably the only one allowed to chill in Donnie's lab because of your shared love of certain memes

He vocally stims in his lab and I have a feeling a lot of those are memes

"Wow... Your raps are too wack to handle. Let's do this like we do on the Discovery Channel!"

Leo is the one you go to if you want to recreate some dance you saw on TikTok

And he's very good... It should be a crime

Leo also quotes the Pedro Pascal edit that went around...

"How would you like to ride home on a real cowboy? I got a 6 pack of cold ones all nice and my roomies out all night, so you can scream my name as loud as you need to, sugar."

Is anyone surprised by that though?

"Aren't you excited? You're going to the airport tomorrow! Ehrpohort? I'm not going to the ehrpohort."

Although Raph isn't that knowledgeable in memes, he does know some

"Excuse me, brah. You're excused.... But I'm not your brah..."

Just random things they'd quote:

"I'm almost proud of you... That's the most proud of me you've ever been!"

"Give me back my gamer girl!"

"Material girl!"

"Just got diagnosed with cool guy syndrome... Now I take Adderall!"

"Ugh, you can't sit with us. Actually, Leo, I can't sit anywhere, I have hemorrhoids..."

"Look at all those chickens!"

"Is this an internal dialogue? I can't see the end of the horizon... Hastune Miku!?"

"Its really cute how you're going to defeat me with the power of friendship, but again, I am da Devil... From da Bible..."

"Hey~... What's up... It's me!"

"Whopper. Whopper. Whopper. Whopper. Junior, Double, Triple Whopper. Flame Grilled taste with perfect toppers. I rule- I rule this day!"

"You're an asshole, Leo. You are what you eat, Donnie." I'm so sorry...

"Freddy, you're supposed to be on lock down... VanessaAAAAAA!" When he's been working in the lab too much

"Nah, nah, nah nah. Nah, nah, nah nah, yeah. You're are the music in me! You know the words 'once upon a time' make you listen... There's a reason!"

"HOLD ON! HOLD ON! SO HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT!? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, BRO... I'm gonna stab him..."

"Laloyd? That's right! It's me, your son! And it's Lloyd, Dad! No. L-l-o-y-d. I named you. You ruined my life! How can I ruin your life? I wasn't even there!"

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "Planes, Trains, and Oddmobiles" Episode Followup, Part 2

We continue on with the second half of our transportation journey. One down, two to go.

Below the break!

"OddRail" is just as silly of a name as "OddAir"! And the name "Ocomotive" is funny too.

Oh man, they aren't even trying, huh?

Awwwww Onom...keep strokin' that ego. You might get the fur off of it eventually.

AHAHAHA THIS GUY'S KNOWN FOR HIS WEIGHTLESS SUITCASES THAT AREN'T TOTALLY WEIGHTLESS????

Look, I don't like eggs either, but these are in what look to be pretty sturdy suitcases. I think you're safe, Conductor.

All right, I'm starting to see what this is now.

It's "Worst First Day Ever" but far more contrived and with a lot more worldbuilding.

No guesses for which episode I prefer more.

I'm also starting to see that this is where Orli and Ozzie play the violins.

And to be honest, I can already see where this is going and I will reiterate that they need to take a tip or two from Or- ohhhhh wait no she played the harp.

...Well, never mind then.

"Stop! What are you doing?"

"You made it look so easy."

OZZIE YOU SCHMUCK. W H Y . MAN GET YOUR ASS BEHIND THE ROCK AND LET ORLI PLAY DAMN IT.

But of course. You can't eat 'em if they're not down on the ground and convulsing in pain a little.

Or dead. That too.

The sheer idiocy of this man to go from "IT'S GONNA EAT YOU?!?!?!" to "oh that's pretty cool actually"...God, I love him.

Had to do a quick Google to find out if conductors were called something else in the UK. Turns out, they're known as "train managers".

So close, but no cigar.

I honestly love how this is the Odd Squad equivalent of when a character talks to their TV and it talks back to them.

...Okay, the name kinda sorta fits. BUT STILL.

THIS IS AGENT OPSTAIRS??????

Behold: the names get even stupider with "Odd Buses".

Because it's bad enough the kid has to be stuck in a little cube all day.

*long deep sigh*

I didn't think I'd have to make up some kind of a "Stupidest Math Lesson" award, but this is cutting it close.

...No. I lied. This is taking the top fucking spot. If you had kept it at 3 pounds it would have been so much better.

"Everyone makes mistakes."

"Thank you."

"Too bad we won't be making any more because we'll be eaten."

"...Oh."

"Yeah, didn't think about that, did you?"

"It doesn't matter that it's not full," he says, as I shake my head because we're nearly at the end of the episode and we don't have time for another contrived shit conflict.

The existence of a second book that should be read when you've been eaten by a Huggle Monster implies that an agent is eaten whole and then sits in the stomach as they are taken through a long and painful digestive process.

And frankly, that would make for a much more interesting episode than what we got. I mean if Catch Teenieping had an episode where most of it took place in the stomach of an animal...

I...WHOT. HEHH???????

I'M SORRY THEY HAVE NEW SHIELDS NOW????? NEW S H I E L D S ?!?!?!?!

AND THEY LOOK LIKE THEY ARE MADE OUT OF THE WORST FUCKING PLASTIC WHAT THE F U C K GO BACK TO THE METAL ONES.

...WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT??????????

BRO HOLD UP. OMAR WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU D O I N G MAN. STOP WITH THE DRUGS. STOP IT. STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHP-

NNNNNNNGH HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGH OH FINE FUCK YOU. ONE POINT. THESE ARE COOL HOW CAN I NOT.

I mean...at the very least, Orli and Ozzie can ride back with Onom...but they all have to pay because he used up the free tickets.

My God, we went from cool shields to more contrived shit in less than a few minutes and I hate it.

Ahhhh bless him.

On a side note, how many agents do you guys think try to bypass the weight limit rules by storing suitcases in their hammerspace spines? Betcha it happens more often than you'd think.

Well look, on the plus side, I don't know why he's complaini- ohhhh because he has to take the suitcases back doesn't he.

And your credits for this episode. Nothing really of note, but I did think Ockpit's name was spelled with two T's at first.

------------------------

Overall, despite being an Onom-focused episode, this was a swing and a miss, which is pretty standard for Omar at this point. The weight limits were a solid way to introduce the math lesson, now that I think about it, but the final one with a two-pound weight limit outright killed it for me just for the sheer contrivance. Had some funny moments, and the shield upgrade was a nice touch, but those were not enough to save it, unfortunately. I'm better off watching an episode like "Worst First Day Ever", which handles the lesson well with a callback and some neat backstories, plus focus on a side character.

Anyway, next up will be "Part of the Furniture", where Orli struggles to fit in at her new precinct when we're nearly at the end of the season. I dunno, can we blame PBS for this one? Out-of-order airing or something?

Seren out!

[thornsnvultures]

Pierced

Eddie Munson x Reader

18+, minors dni or you will be blocked

1.3k, he/they/gn!reader (Eddie calls them big boy/baby boy a couple times), p in h smut (a lot of use of the word hole), Eddie w/ nip piercings, piercing kink, nipple play, best friends to lovers, spit kink (spit for lube), BDE (big dick Eddie supremacy), creampie

divider by @firefly-graphics

🍁 fluff/kinktober masterlist

"Can I touch them?"

"Go for it, they're healed."

You push up Eddie's shirt and marvel at what he's done.

"They look so good, Eds. Did it hurt?"

"Not as much as the tats. Worst was when they were healing, had to keep them taped so they didn't catch on my shirt."

Eddie lays back in bed with his hands behind his head and lets you explore. Tentatively you lift a finger to one of his nipples and push the barbell. When Eddie hisses you snatch your hand away, worried you hurt him.

"I'm fine! I'm good, it's just sensitive," Eddie smiles, reassuring you.

Sensitive? Suddenly you have the urge to pop one of his nipples in your mouth. You're already straddling his hips, sitting awfully close to his crotch for someone who's "just a friend".

Your cheeks feel hot, you know you should probably stop, but you can't help yourself. Eddie makes such interesting sounds when you play with the metal bars. You pull on one, then the other, before spinning them both. His nipples are forced to stand to attention, hard and red. And now all you can think of is his cock. About how red his cock would be if you tugged and teased it like this. Butterflies erupt in your gut and you swallow hard to try and push them down.

"You like 'em. Don'tcha, big boy."

Eddie smiles his big shit-eating grin, chuckling when you yelp and bend down, hiding your face in his neck.

"Don't tease, Eddie."

"Never, sweetheart. I'm glad you like 'em. Like you touchin' 'em too."

Eddie grabs your hips and scoots you down his lap until your ass is perched on top of his hard cock tucked beneath denim.

"Eddie..."

"Keep touchin' me, sweetheart? Love you makin' me feel good."

Biting your lip you hesitate for a moment before nodding. Friends help each other out, right? You want him to feel good too.

Eddie's eyes close when you touch him again. The pads of your fingers run over his distended nipples. They seem to tighten under your touch and you can't hold back the whine that's been building in your throat.

"It's okay, sweetheart. Whatever you want, go ahead. I'll let you know if I don't like it."

You nod, licking your lips. This time you feel Eddie's eyes on you when you lean down. You both shudder when your tongue makes contact with the cool metal.

"That's it, baby."

You moan into his warm skin as your tongue lashes out again and again. He tastes like metal and the salty sweet of his skin, a delicious combination that makes your toes curl. You move back and forth from one nipple to the other, sucking and licking until Eddie's practically thrashing under you. His hands squeeze your hips particularly hard when you bite at his tit and suck, leaving a dark red patch then another in the shape of a heart right over his heart.

"Aren't you fucking cute," Eddie pants. "God, sweetheart, I'm so fucking hard. Need'ta be inside you."

"Eddie," you groan, his dick pulsing against the split of you.

"You want me in that tight little hole, big boy?"

"Oh fuck, Eddie. Yes, yes, please."

Eddie pulls your face up from his chest to capture your lips in a searing kiss. As his tongue tangles with yours you imagine him getting a piercing there too and whine, your gut clenching with need. You wish he could use that long, perfect tongue on you everywhere, but right now the promise of his cock filling you is too good to pass up.

Eddie flips you over onto your back and rips your sweats and underwear off your legs.

"Hold these for me, sweetheart."

Eddie holds your legs up to your chest and you grab the backs of your knees to keep them up and open. Your face is hot, heart racing in your chest from the wild fucking turn your afternoon has taken. Eddie's taking off his tight ass jeans and peeling off his boxers. You gulp at the sight of his fat cock slapping against his stomach with a thud.

"Don't worry, big boy," Eddie grins, "I'll prep you right. Want you to take all of it."

"All of it?"

"Mm. That's right. Now keep those legs up and spread your hole for me. Wanna see where I'm gonna stuff you full 'uh me."

You do as you're told and groan when Eddie bends down and spits on your hole. He pulls his shirt over his head as it drips down your crack.

"So pretty, baby. Fuck," Eddie groans with you when he slowly slides a finger into your hole. Your head falls back against the bed as your walls flutter around his thick digit. You feel so full already and it's only one finger.

"Eddie."

"I know, I know. Don't wanna hurt you."

He gives you a few more pumps before adding a second finger. You watch him watching you as he spreads his fingers inside you, digging you out and opening you up. He spits on your hole again and you cry out, babbling and begging for more. "Need you, need it, Eddie."

"Shh, I got you, sweetheart."

You wrapped your thighs around Eddie's waist as he knelt between them, nudging at your entrance with the fat head of his cock.

"Breathe. I got you."

You took a deep breath and opened your eyes, blinking as you stared up at Eddie. His smile and those big beautiful brown eyes immediately put you at ease. You trusted him, felt safe with him. You knew Eddie would never hurt you.

"Ready, big boy?"

You smile and smack Eddie's chest, careful to avoid his piercings. "Yes, yes, I'm ready. Please, Eddie."

You gasp when his head pops in.

"Fuck, you're so fucking tight."

Eddie drops to his elbows, bracketing your head as he rocks forward. His fluffy hair surrounds you in a soft curtain of his scent.

"Feels so good, Eddie."

You run your hands up his side to his chest. He shivers on top of you when you tug at his nipples.

"God, fuck." His head drops to the crook of your neck and he finally bottoms out.

A gasp stutters in your chest as he rolls his hips against you, buried to the root. You've never felt so full, you swear you can feel him in your throat.

"Need more, Eds," you beg in a whisper by his ear.

"Greedy, greedy, boy." He nips down your neck, leaving a hot trail of kisses in his wake.

Eddie groans as he pulls almost all the way out before slamming back in. Deep, powerful thrusts that have his thighs slapping against your ass in a delicious rhythm, pushing you further up his bed with every beat.

"Touch yourself, baby boy, wanna see you come."

Eddie looms over you on his hands and knees as he pounds into you over and over, watching as your hand flies. You're so close to coming already but Eddie gets there first, unable to hold back any longer. His wild thrusts grow unsteady until he's pressing into you and spilling his load deep in your guts. You tug at one of the bars of metal as he cums, twisting it until he shouts and flips the two of you over.

"Don't stop touching yourself, baby."

You keep going with one hand, the other gripping Eddie's chest as he pumps his still hard cock into your weeping hole from below. His spend oozes out and makes a ring around his cock, the squelching of it pounding into you pushes you over the edge and you shout Eddie's name as you soak him with your release. Not caring about the mess, you collapse to his chest. Eye to eye with the curse metal in his chest, you fall asleep to Eddie's promise to take care of it, to take care of you. Always.

[batlingsstuff]

|| DREAM SMP HEADCANONS ||

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

hello! this is my first time doing headcanons, and i just want to clarify some things:

sadly, i won't be doing requests because i'm busy af with school and i dont want to dissapoint anyone, but you can drop some suggestions and i would think about it! it would be really nice :)

also i won't be writing romantic headcanons for minors or those who are uncomfortable with it, but i can do platonic headcanons for them! ^^

i won't be doing nsfw headcanons either, because i'm uncomfy with sexualizing real people and just writing nsfw in general :)

also, please tell me if someone is uncomfortable with fanfics and/or headcanons and i will erase that part as fast as possible, thanks for passing by! - batling

✦ means platonic

✦ characters : ranboo, tubbo, tommy, philza, techno and jschlatt

♥ means romantic

♥ characters: quackity, wilbur, nihachu, dream, george, sapnap, eret, karl, fundy and bbh

keywords:

(y/n) : your name

(n/n) : nickname

(p/p) : pizza place

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

“As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.” – John Green

┌────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┐

SLEEPOVERS

---

GENDER NEUTRAL

└────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┘

♥ Quackity

oh boy

i just have two words for this one: pure chaos

he will punch you with a pillow if you try to sleep

and you will be MAD at this

grabbing a pillow and hitting him RIGHT IN THE FACE with all your strenght

he'll probably fake cry about it, saying that you hurt him

after a while of pillow fighting, you guys got tired and plopped into the bed, snuggling into eachother and just enyoing the comfortable silence before drifting to sleep

♥ Wilbur

you two will probably blast hamilton and scream the lyrics till the neighbours wake up and you get angry knocks at your door

and you will laugh at that, lowering the speaker's volume and telling him to lower his voice aswell to avoid your neighbours calling the police

then you'll eat snacks and talk about anything that pops into your mind, laughing at the most silly jokes

he will sing sweet songs to you, making you fall asleep to his calming voice

summary: fluff

♥ Nihachu

you and her will bake pastries at a very late hour

she REALLY enjoys baking with you bc she thinks it's a great way to spend time with you

all this girl wants is to spend her time by your side, doing particularlly anything like streaming, baking, playing games and going outside for a walk and/or shopping

once you finished baking, she will kiss your cheek multiple times. that's her way to tell you that you did a great job :)

you'll spend the rest of the night cuddling, eating your pastries and watching some random movie, commenting about how bad it is and laughing

♥ Dream

bruh

this bitch will speedrun the sleepover

is it possible to speedrun a sleepover? maybe

you'll spend the rest of the night probably playing uncharted 3: drake's deception in his old ps3

after a while, you guys got bored from uncharted and went to his pc to play amnesia: the dark descent

there are 2 options:

you will be scared as fuck and will avoid looking at the screen when you think something bad will happen or when some body will come out from a drawer

or you will be totally chill with it, laughing hard when clay pisses his pants for real when he encounters the gatherer

you named the gatherer 'bob' :)

♥ George

he'll take you to the rooftop

and pushes you so you fall to your death

i mean

he gets blankets and pillows so you can stargaze together

he'll teach you the constelations while pointing them, excited about every single one of them

"look (y/n), that's the ursa major!"

he'll have hot chocolate prepared too, so you don't get cold while stargazing

you try your best to not fall asleep on the rooftop

but eventually fail

when he notices you're asleep, he stops talking about the constellations and carries you to your bedroom, giving you a goodnight kiss and leaving you in your bed so you can have a peaceful rest

♥ Sapnap

hey mamas

i don't know what sapnap will do in a sleepover so i will just improvise B)

you will watch anime together

not any kind of anime, like that romance-comedy bullcrap

no fuck that

you will watch the classy angsty anime like madoka magica

WATCH IT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY

you will fucking cry because of literally anything that happens to the characters

"(y/n) why are you crying it's just a show"

'IT'S NOT ANY SHOW SAPNAP IT'S FUCKING MADOKA MAGICA OF COURSE I'M GOING TO CRY'

the last chapter made you fucking cry harder

AUTHOR HERE I WAS CRYING SO MUCH WHEN IT ENDED

yeah you will basically watch anime with him, cry about it and he will comfort you and bring you a glass of water so you don't have a terrible headache after it

I KNOW THIS HEADCANON SUCKED I'M SO SORRY

♥ Eret

KINGG <3

you two will plan a picnic in your yard

yes your yard

he'll bring a ton of snacks and you'll buy a few drinks

you two spend the rest of the picnic talking about your future and enjoying the snacks

then, he'll make you stand up and will teach you how to dance tango

and of course you will mess everything up

and you even stomped on his feet accidentally, making him wimper

but he brushed off the pain and laughed at your concerned face

after calming down his laughter, he gave you a passionate kiss and hugged you tightly

i love eret ok

♥ Karl Jacobs

this man.

this man is the definition of sweet

you'll spend the night cuddling and making cute pet names for eachother

he will definetely give you a great back massage if you're stressed

then he'll start writing love letters full of things he adore of you

and you'll do the same for him

after that, you will share your letters and just snuggle and smile at the sweet things you guys wrote for eachother

he will deffo shower you with kisses when he finishes reading your letter, telling you that you're the nicest person on earth

and that he loves you so so much

♥ Fundy

i'm a huge fundy simp ok

he will bring his piano to your house and you guys will compose a melody together

he will let you sit on his lap while you play the piano/keyboard with him

fundy will basically teach you how to play basic piano songs

you asked him if you guys could play megalovania together

he said no :(

but still you got to play nice songs together without messing up

and when you got the hang of it, he snuggled his face in your neck and kissed you there genly

and when you got tired, he started playing very calming songs and you fell asleep in his lap, snuggling into his chest

he gently carried to your room and will sleep beside you putting a fair distance so you can have a comfortable sleep!

♥ BadBoyHalo

bbh supremacy

he will get rat ready so you can snuggle with her too :)

you guys will mainly play with rat and talk about life in general

he will call you tons of cute pet names

ofc he will call you muffin it's bbh who we're talking about

he will talk about how bad he wants to spend the rest of his life with you

after a while, he will take you to his kitchen and start making muffins together

he will guide you on how to bake 'em though

you guys had a great time making muffins and cuddling with him and rat :)

══════ ∘◦❀◦∘ ══════

✦ Ranboo

tall mf gives the best piggy back rides

when he gets to your house there is a 100% chance he will bump his head on the door frame

and there is a 100% chance you will make fun of him because of that

"(y/n) please stop laughing my head hurts :("

you'll give him some ice to put on his head while you two play minecraft on your ps4

you will bring snacks too and ask him if his head is better

"yeah, thank you (n/n)"

he will pull you in a hug so you can be comfy together while you play good ol' minecraft

because ranboo surely doesn't play anything besides fucking minecraft

stfu that video of him playing spooky's jump scare mansion doesn't exist

✦ Tubbo

SWEET BE BOYY <3

he will gift you a bee plushie

expect a lot of (FRIENDLY) hugs from him

like fundy, you guys will play piano together

you guys are most likely to prank call some random numbers AND your friends

and you accidentally called some random pizza place

"hello! this is (p/p), may i take your order?"

you were nervous and didn't know what to say

UNTIL YOU CAME UP WITH A GREAT IDEA

"hello? are you there?"

'hi yes, i would like to order 7 extra large pepperoni pizzas to (tommy's adress).'

"oh- okay! uhm- they will arrive in a few hours. are you okay with that?"

'yes ma'am, thank you.'

when you ended the call, you couldn't help but burst out laughing, knowing that tommy will be so mad at you guys-

✦ Tommy

like quackity, PURE. CHAOS.

you guys will obviously stream your sleepover

doing a q&a stream :)

tubbo and wilbur will probably crash your stream and start spamming things like 'MEETUP??' and 'DIDN'T GET AN INVITE'

you guys laughed and added them to the call

"WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU GUYS INVITE ME?" wilbur shouted

'i'm sorry willlll'

you kept playing minecraft with wilbur, tubbo and quackity too since he crashed your stream like an hour later

after the stream, you got up and plopped on the mattress that was on the floor

"tired?"

'yeah'

"okay, good night big (initial)"

✦ Philza

POG

YEAHHH SLEEPOVER WITH THE MINECRAFT GOD

AND KRISTIN'S THERE TOO :)))

and oh god you ADORE kristin

i'm pretty sure she's a total sweetheart

it would be like having a sleepover with your parents

only that it's less boring

you guys will watch a movie together, you will be in one side of the couch eating snacks while phil and kristin are in the other cuddling

you'll eventually bug them about it

after the movie, you fell asleep early and philza noticed, talking to kristin about it too

and wrapped a blanket around you so that you get a good rest :)

✦ Technoblade

mr. blood god teaches you the arts of the CRAFT.

yeah i mean it's techno what else does he play besides minecraft

he will play bedwars w/ u, teaching you how to pvp

"bro you kinda suck tbh"

'stfu techno'

he will comment about how bad you are, but tries to help you get better anyways

and when you do a very poggers gamer move, he praises you

and when he praises you you're all :)))

after awhile, he gets tired from watching you play minecraft and suggest watching anime

fucking weeb

i mean

uh

other thing you guys do together in a sleepover is playing and commenting about pokemon

if you don't like pokemon get tf out of here /J

i was joking please don't leave i respect your tastes

✦ Jschlatt

ooooh boy

get ready for a session of wii training

that's all you guys will do

play wii sports and some other shit like wii music

he will laugh his ass of if you fall while playing wii fit

but he will eventually help you bc outside his funny and shouty persona, he's a really chill guy and a really nice person!

seriously like have you ever seen a theweeklyslap video?

well expect hearing amazing pep talks from him

bc this man is a legend and knows his way to words and is very good at comforting people :)

sometimes you'll rant to him about anything that's happening in your life, and he will listen to you and give you really helpful advice

and you appreciate him so much for that

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

TYSM FOR READING GUYS, i appreciate it if you made it this far :)

i hope you guys really enjoyed these headcanons, it's my first time doing them and aa i'm a bit nervous about posting this but i'll be fine ig

also i'm sorry if there's a grammatical error, english is not my native language and i'm still learning it :) have a nice day/night, drink water and don't fuck up your sleeping schedule!!

[barry-j-blupjeans]

What about 70 from the dialogue prompts w Taako + one of his friends (you pick!!),,,I always love a rare Taako Sincerity Moment <3

70. "I like that about you."

((prompts here - still accepting!!))

--

Taako and Lup were fighting, which was never good. Granted, Merle had never seen them have a legitimate fight in the past five years he's known 'em, but the vibes they're giving out... not good. Merle had to pry the story out of Barry, who had been the only one with them when it all went down. He explained it in a quiet voice as Merle gave him a final once-over from the injuries he had gained on the mission. The healing potions seemed to have worked well.

"I think Taako, uh, Taako just wanted to leave me behind?" Barry said. "I was pretty concussed at the time, I'm not gonna lie. But, uh. But I was very low on hitpoints, Taako wanted to just head back 'cus we weren't exactly winning the fight we were in, and- and Lup didn't wanna do that."

"Hm," Merle said. "How do you feel about all that?"

"How do I feel?" Barry repeated and at Merle's confirmation, he went on. "I'm, uh. I mean, I'm a little hurt, but I get it, y'know? The cycle's almost over, I woulda been back next month. Probably."

"Probably," Merle agreed. "You glad Lup got you out?"

"Yeah," Barry said. "I mean, uhm. Only Magnus and you have really died before. I don't know if I... If I ever wanna do that. I wanna know in like... a morbid way, kinda? Like I wanna know what it feels like. But not like that."

"I getcha," Merle said. "Any consultation, poison is not the way to go! That sucked!"

Merle had been struck by a poisoned arrow with about three months left to the third cycle. It hadn't been great. Barry cracked a small smile.

"I'll take your word for it," he said. "I'm gonna go, uh. Get back to the lab. At least we got the Light, right?"

"True that!" Merle said.

--

The mood over dinner was killer. Merle kind of felt like the tension between Lup and Taako could power its own magic flying boat-ship. Taako stabbed into his food like a madman. Lup was just... not eating.

"So, uh," Merle said. "Good grub, good grub. Anyone seen anything interesting lately? Any cool bugs? A neat plant?"

Silence.

"Well, I saw this awesome berry bush a bit away from the ship!" Merle said. "I showed it to Lucretia so she could draw it. Wasn't it cool, Luce?"

"Uh," Lucretia said, looking very much like she didn't want to say anything about the berry bush. "It was very... green. The berries were very, uh. Berry-like."

"No offense," Merle joked, patting Barry's arm. Barry looked incredibly uncomfortable but offered Merle a smile. "Anyone else? Capt'n?"

Another silence. Davenport, awkward and glancing nervously between everyone, opened his mouth to speak, but-

"I saw my brother almost leave behind our crewmate to die," Lup put in loudly.

"Oh fuck off," Taako said, pushing his plate away. "He woulda been back anyway!"

"But you didn't even try to help him-"

"Have you met me, Lup? Have you met yourself? When did you start trying to help folks?"

"When I started fucking caring about them!" Lup said, standing up. "And when I started not being emotionally constipated like some people here-"

"Lup," Davenport said, standing up. "Taako. I think it'd be best to take a second-"

"Oh, I'm the bad guy here?" Taako snapped. "I don't dive recklessly even further into a battle to try to save someone who'd be fine anyway!"

"It wasn't reckless, dumbass, what's reckless the behavior that started the fight in the first place-"

"Who fucking cares," Taako said, standing up. He rolled his eyes so hard that Merle thought they were just gonna pop out of his head. "I'm going to my bunk, I don't wanna- I'm not gonna sit here and deal with whatever shit you've got going on."

"Yeah, sure, run away!" Lup said, despite the fact that she was going towards the kitchen to escape the conversation as well. She slammed the door behind her. A few seconds of silence passed and another door slammed as well, further away.

The tension was different now, but somehow just as uncomfortable.

--

Merle decided, of his own free will and without consulting anyone, that he was gonna go talk to Taako. His bunk, which he shared with Lup, was at the end of the hallway. Merle figured that he could at least get in with the pretense of needing to get some things for Lup to sleep in the common area.

He knocked.

"We're closed!" Taako called back.

"I don't think we live in a store, kid," Merle said.

"Don't care!" Taako said. "We're closed!"

"I'm coming in," Merle said. When tried to open the door, it didn't budge. Time to break out his lie. "Lup needs her shit if she's gonna sleep on the couch. At least let me get her a blanket."

Taako didn't respond. After a moment, Merle heard the creak of bedsprings and the shuffle of cloth. Then, Taako was at the door, shoving a blanket and a pillow towards Merle. He almost had gotten the door closed before Merle could even blink, but Merle managed to wedge a pillow between the door and the doorframe just in time.

"You're not here for Lup's shit," Taako accused.

"I'm not," Merle agreed, very casually walking through the gap that was left. He had to squeeze a bit, but Taako just scoffed instead of trying to shut the door on him. "Can we talk?"

"We don't have anything to talk about," Taako said, sitting on the edge of his bed. Merle deposited the blanket and pillow near the door.

He didn't come in here very often- he didn't have any reason to. The room was a mess, but Merle had an inkling that it had some sort of organization to it. Lup's bed was made. Taako's looked like a tornado had gone through. Without asking permission, Merle sat next to him and Taako made a noise of disgust.

"I wanna ask you somethin'," Merle said.

"Did Lup send you?" Taako asked drily. "Or Davenport? Like- what is this?"

"Nah, I came by myself," Merle said. "Actually, I think Dav would suggest the opposite of talking to you right now."

"Leaving me alone, great, you should listen to him."

"Nah," Merle said again. "I have a question. Wanna hear it?"

Taako groaned but seemed to understand that he probably couldn't get Merle to leave. That was good because Merle had run out of lies on why he needed to be here.

"Shoot," Taako said, putting his face in his hands.

"Who's your favorite person, besides Lup?" Taako peaked up from his hands and gave Merle a hard stare. Merle shrugged, raising his hands defensively. "Just askin', man! Doesn't have to be anyone on the crew. They don't even have to be on this plane, or alive, or anything. But tell me someone, besides Lup, who you really like."

Taako was silent, putting his head back in his hands completely. Merle kicked his legs, his feet not quite reaching the ground, as he waited. It took long enough that Merle began to worry that Taako wouldn't answer at all, but finally, he answered with,

"My auntie."

"Ooh, yeah?" Merle said. "Why d'you like her so much?"

"I don't know!" Taako said defensively, throwing his hands up. "Why did you care so much!"

"Just curious!" Merle said. "What's she like? Did she ever give you any good gifts? I had an aunt, once, but she called me a loser."

"You are a loser," Taako muttered. "She was... smart."

"A good quality," Merle said. "Was that her one personality trait? Smart?"

"No," Taako bit out. "She could cook really well. She taught Lup and me, but I'm better at it."

"I believe ya," Merle said.

"Lup can bake better, I guess," Taako said, quietly, like that had been a secret. "Auntie taught us Goblin and how to sow, even though she liked knitting better. She always had knitting needles in her hair, I think to keep it up 'cus when she was knitting, her hair was always down. And she gave us our first spellbook and she didn't get mad when I set her bed on fire by accident."

"No joke?" Merle asked. "I woulda been at least a little mad."

"She was kind," Taako said. "And so fuckin' funny. She didn't care if we swore, like some of our cousins did. And she- she got it when we told her that life was tough. She didn't make fun of us or dismiss us or say that we were too young to know."

"Really smart, then," Merle said. "What happened to her?"

Taako's posture sort of sagged- more than it already was. He sighed.

"Got really sick," he admitted. "She set us up with some shit we would need and let us know when we had to go. No bullshit or coddling or anything, just told us what was happening and that we needed to go."

"Did you want to go?" Merle asked. "That seems like it was a pretty good setup you had going."

"'Course I didn't wanna go," Taako scoffed. "We didn't, at first. But, uh. Lup and Auntie convinced me to leave. She wasn't able to do much for us anymore. Sucks to see someone you care about getting hurt, anyway."

"So you had to go," Merle said. "Not just smart, then. Wise. Knew what'd be best for ya."

"Yeah," Taako said. "It's whatever, Merle, it happened ages ago. Why do you care?"

"'Cus you care," Merle said, nudging him in the side a little too hard. Taako grunted and looked towards him finally.

"You're full of bullshit sometimes, y'know?"

"You'd rather see someone come back fresh than have to live with a lotta pain," Merle said, patting his leg. "I like that about you, Taako. It's a good thing, don't look so upset. I just wanna let you know that while some people would want you to leave them if they're suffering, some others might not. Better to ask, yeah?"

"Oh, yeah, sure, next time I'll ask Barry if he'd rather get stabbed to death before I leave," Taako said sarcastically.

"Just think about it," Merle said, hopping off the bed and heading towards the door. "Might not be the smartest thing to do, but it'd be pretty wise."

He picked up the blanket and pillow, eyes barely peeking out from the pile in his arms.

"Can ya open the door?" Merle asked and Taako sighed, crossing the room to open the door for him. However, he stopped with his hand on the door handle and said, without looking at Merle again,

"Leave Lup's stuff."

Merle shrugged and dropped them. Taako opened the door, letting him out. On his way back up to the common area, he passed Lup sitting against the wall closest to the Starblaster's entrance, tossing a few magical balls of light between her fingers.

"Hiya," Merle said, sliding down next to her. He thumped to the floor and Lup winced, one of the lights extinguishing.

"I'm not really in the mood, Merle," she said.

"That's fine, that's fine," Merle said, waving away her concern. "I just got a question for ya."

[sevendeadlymorons]

hi there!! first i gotta say trust I love your work sm!! and I've seen some of your angsty or atleast angst-ish works,, love em!! angst runs in my blood so I'm wondering if I could request some angst? Like,, maybe mc missing their own siblings and feels homesick and jealous of the brothers and maybe dislikes them for it because they brought the mc there??? when they could be w/ their sibs instead?? plus points that they use mammon as their stress reliever and all that- sorry if its confusing!!

Hello! Thank you so much, I’m happy that you love my work 🥰

I been looking forward to this one~ time to pull an uno reverse on the boys and hate them instead~

Oh and I kinda made this a fic type thing with all the brothers’ different parts because my brain wouldn’t let me figure out how to make it a HC lmao idk I’m dumb this came out kinda shit whoops

MC Hating the Brothers for Taking Them Away From Their Siblings

WARNING: Angst

—————————————

You woke up in a strange place in a large strange room, the heat unbearable as you peer up to see 7 powerful looking men sitting in front of you, staring down at you. They introduce themselves, each looking at you in threatening ways making you feel unwelcome in your surroundings.

They eventually show you to your room after telling you all the rules, but you soon felt something missing... your siblings. Where were they...? You couldn’t remember a thing when you woke up but now it was all flooding back. They took you away from them, from your home. You were alone and you immediately wanted to leave, but you knew the eldest brother, Lucifer, told you that you couldn’t until the year was up...

The days pass by and you watch them all live their daily lives, just a bunch of happy brothers going about their day. You despised them all so much for bringing you here and one look at their faces made you miss home and you could barely look them in the eye after only a few days living there.

Lucifer was one of the brothers that would constantly check up on you to make sure you were alright after refusing to leave your room. He pissed you off the most. He pisses you off because he didn’t acknowledge his brothers like he was supposed to as the older brother. You watch him every single day, a new punishment towards the second eldest, Mammon, a new way to ignore them all and ridicule them. You couldn’t help but feel sorry for them honestly.

He took you away from your siblings. You don’t have them around anymore so the least he could do was be civil with his brothers. You despise him and you make sure he knows that. You end his calls, ignore him at RAD, dodge him when you’re at the house, but he just keeps trying to talk to you. You yell at him to leave you alone, sometimes begging him to take you back as well. You just want to be with your family, not here, here isn’t home...

Mammon was the demon assigned to help you at your time in Devildom but every time you looked at his face it filled you with both sadness and disgust. His attitude towards you made you miss the comfort you felt at home and you quickly learnt to hate him and avoid him whenever possible, even at the house. You can’t stand the way he’s so happy around his brothers and it just made you miss home even more.

After a while, realising he just wouldn’t leave you alone, he became a target. Your go to stress relief when you needed to let go of some inner rage. You’d curse at him, using words that he’d call you until you soon acted like how his brothers do towards him. You enjoyed watching his smile turn into a frown though and he’d then turn to leave you, letting you miss your family in peace as you think about how much he deserves the pain for taking you away from your siblings.

Leviathan was a complete shut in. He mainly left you alone apart from the few days where you’d bump into him in the corridor and he’d curse you out just for existing. You slowly began to develop a strong hatred towards him and the way he treated his brothers. He treats them like dirt, insulting his older brother and acting like he’s so smart compared to all his other siblings. It pissed you off.

He was honestly such an easy target after figuring out his whole personality. You used his insecurities against him, insulting him and watching him storm off from you after his voice begins to break and small tears form in his eyes. He deserves it. Maybe he should learn to treat his brothers with respect. After all, you’d do anything to see your siblings again. You so badly wanted to go home that it was hard to not tease and abuse Levi every single time you saw him.

Satan was quiet and the most tolerable one, but that didn’t stop you from despising his smart arse attitude towards his older brother, Lucifer. His constant complaining and pure hatred towards him ticked you off and you found yourself ignoring him and giving him the cold shoulder. He wasn’t particularly a person you could manipulate and control like Mammon and Levi but making him angry and causing trouble for the other brothers sure made you feel new found joy.

You mess with his emotions, tampering with his insecurities until he’s at his breaking point and he shuts down, going on a rampage and losing it when his brothers interfere. You couldn’t stand how he finds himself superior to his brothers. He deserves this. You just want to be at home with your family, laughing with your siblings like he laughs with his. He deserves everything coming to him.

Asmodeus was a kind of irritating that you couldn’t exactly ignore since he was always sticking his nose into your business. You hated him off the bat, watching him every single day as he gets to hold his brothers and talk to them and laugh and you just couldn’t because he took you away from them.

You’d start to ignore him, dodging him and subtly insulting him whenever you could. When he touched you, you shrugged him off and gave him a cold look, observing him as he recoils off of you. You hated him and you wanted him to know that. You would feed his insecurities, reminding him that not everybody likes him and you sure didn’t and never would. You liked seeing him hurt emotionally and he sure made it easy to hurt him alright. But in truth, you didn’t care, he truly deserves it.

Beelzebub was easy to hate truthfully. His blatant affection towards his family made you sick and you learnt to hate him out of pure envy. You hated how he laughs with his brothers, held them and acted all nice with them and then received affection back. You felt jealous that you couldn’t do that with yours and it just fed your longing to go home.

You’d take his food, avoid him and dodge him, even insult the way he eats and how much he eats. It was easy getting to his insecurities as he wasn’t exactly secretive about his past. It only took a few days and you were soon able to interfere with his head, leaving him walking away with his tail between his legs. You enjoyed watching such a large man turn into a puppy at your hands, becoming weak and insecure by your words and he deserves every single second of it for taking you away from your family.

Belphegor, ever since you stupidly saved him from the attic, has been on your nerves. Of course the murder incident has left you with an undying hatred towards him, but it was the way he treated his family as well. He was so rude and self centred, ignoring everyone and insulting everyone around him except his twin, Beelzebub. It pissed you off because if your siblings were with you right in that second you’d be cherishing them, holding them and laughing.

You made no conversation with him, ignoring his texts and attempts to take a nap with you and to make you forgive him. You stare at him in disgust, constantly making him remember every little detail that he did to you when he put his hands around your neck. You toyed with his mind, breaking him down little by little until he could barely stare you in the face and you liked watching it. Liked watching this strong demon be emotionally defeated by a mere human. All you wanted was to go home so now he has to put up with the insults in return.

[aching-tummies]

(Not exactly sure if I'm really doing this right but here we go.) If I was your partner... I'd take you someplace nice and encourage you to eat whatever you want. After a large meal I'd be the one to drive home, as your complaining of an upset stomach. Wanting a reaction, I'd take you down the secluded, bumpy road to see what happens.

A/N: Thanks for the lovely ask! I kind of deviated a little, incorporating some of what's been going on in my life lately (new job, stresses causing me to skip meals, the craving for pasta, etc.) The beginnings of this do delve into spiraling about weight(loss) and body image stuff a little...so if that's a trigger for people then this is your warning.

It’s been more than two years since we indulged in dine-in service at a place with non-disposable cutlery. I’ve been craving pasta for even longer than that. Creamy, garlic-y, non-reheated pasta served on a plate and twirled around a metal fork.

We haven’t taken any opportunities to celebrate for the last two years. Birthdays, holidays, promotions at work or major advancements in our career adventures—we’ve barely done anything more than acknowledge them as we both go to pick up extra shifts wherever it is that we have been working. Honestly, we’ve seen so little of each other that it wouldn’t surprise either of us if the other snuck in a job-change in the last two years. That all changes tonight.

A nearby pasta place is offering dine-in service. We booked a reservation for tonight—all you have to do is pick me up from work and we can head on over.

I’m the one that managed to sneak in a job-change in the craziness. Fast-food to office intern. I’m barely handling things. I’ve been beyond exhausted because the change happened suddenly. The office place demanded that I start with them on a whim (despite my only condition on hiring being the time to give my fast-food job the proper two week notice). Due to their abrupt “start now or we will move ahead with other candidates” ultimatum, I’ve been pulling 44+ hour weeks juggling two jobs located on opposite ends of the city.

Tonight is a celebration. Dine-in service by itself is already something to celebrate in my books, but you’re insisting that tonight is for me because I finally finished my dues to the fast-food place. The hellish four weeks of juggling is over. No more calls at midnight from me begging you to pick me up from some random quadrant of the city because I nodded off on the last bus home. No more days where I make it home from my office job only to get an urgent call from the fast-food place begging/demanding that I show up because someone cut work. No more packed weeks with no days off or time to even pack myself lunch. Hopefully no more nights where you have to peel me off of the floor because making it home was all I managed before passing out from exhaustion.

I’ve got an hour before you’re set to come pick me up from my office job. I can’t help but smile as I count down the minutes while working on editing some funding proposal that was shoved at me a couple of minutes ago.

My stomach grumbles at me and I clam up. I blush as I look around to ensure nobody heard it. The office is basically empty. All the other staff seem to have gone off to lunch. That’s something I’m going to have to get used to: the fact that there doesn’t seem to be a set schedule here…people head out to lunch whenever. As a petrified newbie, I haven’t had the guts to just take off whenever. The number of shifts where I’ve stayed here for a full eight hours and then navigated an hour and a half of transit transfers only to come home ravenous is pretty high.

Welp, if a stomach growls and nobody is here to hear it then I guess it doesn’t make a sound. I’ve got an hour left before you come to pick me up and we’re basically just two hours away from satisfying my years long pasta craving. Going out to hunt for food now would only spoil my appetite.

“I AM HERE!”

I giggle at the reference and accompanying gif you’ve sent to announce your arrival. I pack up my area and get up, saying ‘bye’ to Jerry on my way out. The second I walk out that door will mark the start of my days off for the week, something I haven’t had in over a month.

“Hi, sweetie!” I chirp as I open the passenger door and bend over to set down my bag.

As I settle in, folding myself into the car, the movements dislodge a deep rumble from my tummy. I freeze, arm still reaching out to close the door. You snicker at me with your left arm perched on your open window, fingers close to your face and highlighting that charming grin of yours that I love so much.

“Oi, close the door and we can get going.”

I do just that. With the door closed, you carefully back out of the parking space and off we go. We don’t get very far. Ah, the joys of rush hour. No use honking, Karen, you’re not ‘stuck in traffic’—you are traffic and there’s no manager for you to speak to here, moron!

I adjust my seat a little, leaning back and allowing myself to relax. I’ve done it. Tomorrow is a day off. And so is the next day. My first true weekend in over three years and my first days off in over three weeks. I can feel the tension ebbing out of me. My shoulders untense, leaving behind a distinct soreness.

My shoulders aren’t the only thing to stop tensing. Apparently, my abdominals decided to join in as well.

Grrr…RRRR…blr.br…rrr.

I blush and sit up, arms wrapping around my stomach as it continues to snarl at me. The growls come with the sharp pains of hunger pangs and I wince, hugging my tummy and pressing my arms against the pain. The grumbles are quickly drowned out by your laughter.

“Man, no wonder you say your coworkers don’t talk to you here. If I heard that coming from a newbie I’d be scared of ‘em too.”

“S-Shut up!” I don’t want to admit that my tummy has been growling very loudly at the office. I’ve skipped more lunches than I’ve eaten in my time here. I lean back in the seat again, arms crossed over my chest as I look away from you, pouting. I’m hungry enough that my stomach really hurts, I’m a panicking newbie at work that doesn’t know the ropes or what’s expected of them, and here you are teasing me.

Your right hand reaches over but instead of stopping on the shift stick it continues further until your palm finds my stomach. The gentle pressure and the warmth of your palm nudging right over where my stomach joins my intestines aids in the relaxation of my tensed muscles and brings forth another loud grumble from my guts. You move your hand slightly, patting and rubbing my flat tummy absentmindedly as you keep the rest of you focused on traffic.

“You’ve lost weight.”

“Y-Yeah…” I don’t want to admit that I’m happy about it. My waistband was loose enough to fall to my thighs before I put my belt on this morning. I love it but you and I both know weight and eating are sore subjects for me. I bite my tongue to keep from asking whether or not you think the weight loss is a good thing or not. Your tone was flat—it was an observation. The fact that I’ve been too busy and stressed out to have time to eat (or digest properly when I do) has led to the rapid shedding of pounds. Not just in the last three or four weeks, but for a long time yet. The reasons for the weight loss aren’t good…but I really do like the results, so I don’t want to hear it from you…good or bad…I don’t want to hear it. Thankfully, you don’t push the issue. Traffic picks up and you remove your hand from my stomach and put it back on the wheel.

My stomach continues to gripe and snarl as we make our way through the city at a crawl. I no longer have work to distract me and your impromptu massage has definitely woken the beast in my guts. ‘Starving’ doesn’t even begin to cover how my stomach feels. I’m starting to feel the other effects of the lack of food too. Light-headedness, feeling cold, and a limpness in my limbs. I want to press my arms into my stomach to quell some of the ache and the noises but I just can’t seem to summon the strength to put enough pressure on it. I wish you had kept your hand on my tummy. As much as your touch intensified the hunger, the pressure of your hand on my stomach was kind of comforting. Ugh…this is all wrong. We’ve been together long enough to know that both of us are into tummy stuff. Any other opportunity we’d be all over each other right now. Your mention of the weight I’ve lost and the silence that has followed since is filling me with anxiety. Under normal circumstances you’d have parked the car somewhere to tease my hungry tummy into oblivion. The fact that we’re currently driving in silence when there’s a golden kink opportunity in the palm of our hands is worrisome to me. Suddenly I don’t feel so good about the weight I’ve lost. I like it. It made me look totally bomb in my new office clothes. Buttons don’t strain even when I bend over or stretch. I spend the rest of the car ride lost in my anxieties. I’m not at an unhealthy weight. Sure, losing it is a testament of the stress I’ve been under lately…but it’s not like I’ve been intentionally skipping meals or fixating on some unachievable body image or something. This isn’t about the weight or anything, it was just a happy consequence of the hectic times I’ve gone through.

We arrive at the restaurant and you get out, expecting me to follow. I’ve managed to work myself into a ball of anxiety in the passenger seat and I don’t move. You pause on the sidewalk when you see me still strapped inside the car. You walk over and open the passenger door.

“Babe?” You see me petrified and chewing on my lip—a tell-tale sign I’m fighting some internal battle. “What’s wrong?” You cup my cheek with your hand, thumb going to pull my lower lip away from my teeth.

“Huh? Wha?” My gaze sharpens as I’m brought back to reality. I didn’t even realize we’ve arrived.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“Uhm…w-well…y-you said…n-nevermind.” I unbuckle the seatbelt and step out of the car. You frown as you think back on what I meant about you having said something.

“Oh, about the weight loss?” I freeze. Bingo. “Babe—I didn’t mean anything by it, honest. Just an observation.” You scratch at the back of your head. “You’ve been under a lot of stress lately and gosh knows neither of us has had time to cook or pack lunches. I was just thinking that maybe we should work on that together. Going hungry so often sounds like a dream, kink-wise…but neither of us has had time for that lately. I was going to suggest creating a mealplan or something together, maybe bringing out the slow cooker and freezing some stuff so that we can just grab and go for work going forward.” I stumble over and rest my head on your shoulder, giving a slight nod.

I’m overwhelmed. One thing you said sent me spiraling and you just pulled me out of it.

“Ugh…don’t do that again.”

You smirk. “I won’t. Rather than think yourself into a hole over that, you should really think about what it is you want to eat. We’re ordering off the full menu tonight.”

My eyes widen. The full menu has more selection but it’s way more expensive. Every time we’ve come here in the past, we have always ordered off the specials menu—the discounted, half-size portions that they offer. You smile seeing my stunned reaction.

“Birthdays, holidays—and Sweets, you got a job! You got a job where you don’t have to deal with the dreaded ‘customer’. I’m proud of you, Sweets. This…this is supposed to be a celebration…right? For all the celebrating we haven’t been able to do in…damn, how long has it been—” Your rambling is cut off when I seal your lips with mine. I step back with a grin, watching the dumbfounded, wide-eyed expression pass over to you ‘cuz I’m usually the no-kissy-touchy type.

“Chicken parm with garlic, angel-hair pasta in cream sauce.” I know exactly what I want to order. I’ve known it for over two years. That dish has been taunting me in my dreams for over two years. When I chew on my pillow in my sleep ‘cuz I skipped dinner in lieu of sleep I’m dreaming about that dish. The last time I had it from here was with my parents—long before I met you—for a birthday when I was still in grade school. My stomach growls, punctuating my declaration. The sound shocks you out of your reverie and you slide an arm around my waist, resting your palm against my stomach as you feel all the empty rumbles reverberating beneath your palm.

“Alright. Guess we better walk in before they give away our table…or before you decide it’s quicker just to eat me here in the parking lot.”

Ugh…how am I already full? There’s still so much food on the plate. So, so much. Urrgh…

My stomach silently gripes at me. A sickly, sticky feeling is blooming in my guts. I’m sated but there is still far too much food on my plate. The full menu is more expensive, but they fill the plate up more and often use bigger plates. I’ve forgotten just how big, and my tummy is suffering. Two years is a long time to go without something and I’ve gone without fulfilling my craving for pasta in cream sauce for over two years, maybe even three. That’s a long time…long enough for my stomach to forget how to handle cream sauce, apparently.

I’ve only swallowed about a fifth of my plate and my stomach already feels heavy. The warm bread to start and the bites of chicken parmesan cutlet went down alright. They lined my stomach comfortably and my digestive tract knew exactly how to handle them. The first couple of bites of pasta were cushioned by the bread and chicken. When that lining dissolved away and more of the pasta came into contact with my gastric juices, I realized there was a problem.

My stomach pounced on the bites of bread and the water and cola I chased it down with. I could practically feel my duodenum yawning wide to suck in the masticated bread, my intestines just as hungry for it as I have been all day. When it had to contend with the cream sauce things started to slow down. I can feel a backlog of stuff sitting in my stomach, refusing to be broken down further into a form that will comfortably move onto my intestines. I’m chewing a lot more, my mouth creating more saliva. I feel sick. My stomach doesn’t hurt, yet, but it’s definitely going to as it fights with the creamy, oily pasta.

“Ooh…they’ve got tiramisu here.” You’re eyeing the dessert menu. “It’s your favorite, right?”

“Yeah…but it’s expensive and this is a lotta food.”

“We’re supposed to be celebrating, Sweets. We’ll take whatever you don’t finish to-go. Leftovers are a Godsend, remember? C’mon, let’s live a little.”

I feel a weight settle in my stomach as you flag down a passing wait-staff and order a tiramisu. To share, thank God. My stomach churns in vain, serving only to churn up the mess of creamy pasta and chicken without moving it along further in the digestive process. The sphincter to my duodenum is squeezed tight, refusing passage to the foreign cream and oil mix that it doesn’t seem to recognize.

I managed to finish just under half of my plate before the dessert arrived. I decided to throw in the towel and asked for the rest to be packed up to-go. I put on a smile as we share the dessert and hope it’s not as shaky as my guts feel. The dessert is delicious. Rich, flavorful, and perfect. If only I didn’t have to feel it sickeningly sliding down my esophagus, plopping down heavily into a stomach crammed much too full with indigestible pasta. As my stomach clenches and churns things around the creamy tiramisu is going to get incorporated with the rest of the mess. It’s going to make it thicker and creamier…as if it wasn’t already too thick and too creamy for my duodenum to open up and allow it to wreak havoc in my intestines. As sick as my overstuffed stomach feels, I am a little grateful that my duodenum is being a stubborn prick.

If the creamy mess had passed into my intestines, I’d be doubled over in the bathroom right now, rubbing futilely at my revolting intestines. I know what dairy does to my guts. It doesn’t usually happen, just when I’m stressed or it’s close to that time of the month. It’s nasty and it hurts bad enough that I honestly think hell is enduring those cramping intestines for eternity.

We finish the tiramisu. You offer me the lion’s share, but I refuse and push it back to you with a mention on my stomach being really full. I bring my hands to my stomach and I catch the way your eyes smolder at the sight. Good. Yes. Get us home quickly, darling.

You pay for the meal, and we are off. I clutch my tummy behind my bag as we walk out to the car. Every step sends aftershocks into my guts and it’s really upsetting things in my stomach.

As I settle in the passenger seat, I notice the buttons on my blouse are a little bit strained around my stomach. Horror sets in and I quickly fumble to get the buttons undone. I don’t want to ruin my shirt and the sight of the straining buttons triggers something nasty in my mind. I calm down a little once the buttons are undone and I rub my tummy under the cover of my bag, palms running up and down the dark undershirt that is draped snugly over my full belly.

“It’s still early. Want to really paint the town red and see if we can catch a movie somewhere?”

I swallow back a sickly belch to answer your question, my questing hands churning up the mess in my guts and dislodging air pockets.

“Umph…n-no…let’s go home.”

“Sweets, you okay?” Your voice is laced with concern. Surely you can hear the sickly squelching from my guts. Do I have to spell it out for you?

“Hmm? No,” I blush as I fidget and grapple with whether or not to come clean. I’m shy about this kind of stuff—you’re my partner though and have been for a long time—we’re both into tummy stuff—we haven’t done anything on this front in a very long time. Making my decision, I move my back over to the floor, resting it against my shins and I lean back, allowing you full view of my distended tummy with my blouse undone. “I just…uhm…m-my tummy’s kinda…upset…I just really want to get home.” My stomach burbles sickly throughout our conversation. I have both my hands on the rounded curve of it, rubbing at tender spots with my thumbs.

Your eyes widen at the sight of my belly rounding out my undershirt. You start the car and pull out of our stall. Instead of righting the car onto the road you keep backing into a more secluded spot on the far end of the lot. This one is obscured by an overgrown bush or tree on the passenger side.

I haven’t even bothered with getting my seatbelt on. I was too caught up in my indigestion to think of it despite it normally being a habit. To be fair, I don’t think the seatbelt is a good idea with my tummy so bloated and sore.

“What are you—”

You unbuckle your seatbelt and turn in your seat, giving me your full attention. My seat is still reclined a little further than normal from the drive over. Gently, you put a hand on my shoulder, indicating for me not to sit up. Your eyes briefly meet mine and convey your plan before they go back to fixating on my belly.

I relax my arms, letting them rest at my sides as you slide a hand over the crest of my bloated gut. I bite back a groan as the slight pressure of your hand increases the pressure in my intestines. My stomach is packed full with an indigestible mass of creamy pasta. My duodenum is not allowing any of that entry into my intestines so they sit, bloated with air. The ingredients for a very upset tummy are inside of me…they just need a bit of a push to act as a catalyst.

The push comes in the form of a literal push as you place both hands, one on each side of my tummy, and squeeze. I bite back a mewl of pain until the pressure relents and you are sliding your hands all over my taut tummy.

“Oh my…you really are full.”

“Ugh…haven’t…haven’t eaten so much in a long time.” I groan as your hands churn up the mess in my guts. You know what you’re doing. You felt the firmness in my upper left and you know that everything is sitting heavy in my stomach. You focus your massage on my left, on the area where my duodenum is. You rub and nudge and coax at the area, intent on getting the sphincters to unclench and allow my meal to continue to digest.

“Oh…ah!” I can’t help but cry out a little as I feel my duodenum flood with the lumpy mess. A rumbling, wet burble indicates when the sphincter finally gives up and allows the mess in my stomach passage. My stomach acid wasn’t enough to break down the creamy, oily pasta so it’s entering my intestines relatively undigested.

After ten minutes of you massaging my belly, (in)digestion is in full swing. My intestines are filling up with the ache-inducing mass and the straining pressure that started in my stomach has now spread all over my abdomen. You reach over and pull down my seat belt, buckling it before reaching over to get my seat back into an upright position. My stomach cramps sharply with the change in orientation and my mewl of pain is cut off by a harsh belch. You pat my tummy almost teasingly as you right yourself in your seat and start the car.

I don’t bother to keep track of where we are heading. You could be taking me to the movies, intent on letting my indigestion stew for a couple of hours, or you could be driving us home. I don’t care. I can’t care because every ounce of me is focused on the sharp pains exploding all over my guts as the car hits every bump in the road. Damned city not bothering to spend money to fix the thousands of pot-holes in our roads. My stomach is just as vocal as I am about the indigestion.

You brake sharply, causing the seatbelt to dig into my tummy and tear a sharp gasp of pain from me. I see the road ahead of us…it’s not a road at all but literally the worst road in our city. This stretch of road is famous even outside of our city for just how bumpy and nasty it is. People scrape the undercarriage of their cars if they aren’t careful in avoiding the potholes that litter this thing like craters on the moon. People have lost pieces of their cars and done massive damage to their vehicles by driving down this road. People around here know to avoid this road. The alternative is a ten minute detour to take the safer, newer road and everyone agrees that ten minutes more is better than damaging their car on this road so it is always empty.

“Darling, no—”

You floor it, going down the secluded road at a high speed. We hit every bump and hole in the thing (that won’t damage the car)…you used to come down this thing often and you’re a master at navigating it to avoid damage to the vehicle. Damage to my tummy, on the other hand.

My stomach gives off aborted grumbles and gripes, each one interrupted as we hit another bump in the road. My tummy sloshes and churns. Digestion had stalled without your hands pushing everything along, but this new form of “massage” in the form of a very bumpy ride is kick starting things all over again…in the wrong direction. Stuff swirls inside of my stomach and I swear that it’s filling up rather than emptying. The pressure is building in my stomach. I’d like to believe it’s the air from my intestines, but I’m sure we managed to get most of that out with your massage in the parking lot.

"Ugh…ouch…ah—ow! Ungh…my tummy…urp…my tummy…ulp…” I can’t help it. Belches and protests roll through my throat, unchecked. It’s better than the alternative of something solid, I guess. The road has increased the upset tenfold as I clutch my stomach in both hands. The road has dialed the cramping pains up to eleven and many more aches and tender spots have erupted thanks to the bumpy ride. We’re about halfway through the road when I feel something solid tickling at my esophagus.

“Ugh—Babe—STOP!” I reach up and slap a hand over my mouth, fearing that we’re about to see my dinner come back out.

You slam on the brakes and the pressure from the seatbelt is what does it. My mouth fills with the sour mess of barely-digested pasta.

“Ugh…urk…” I swallow back the bile. It’s nasty, but there’s no receptacle and I don’t want to stink up the car. Luckily, this wasn’t a true vomiting session triggered internally—it was basically regurgitation brought on by external factors—like the seatbelt putting too much pressure on my over-packed tummy. My stomach snarls violently at the return of the sickly concoction.

You watch my struggle, fascinated. Reaching over, you put a hand on my palm, a hand that is quickly slapped away as I give you the fiercest glare I can muster.

“None of that until you get me home, darling.”

You grin, exaggerating taking your foot off of the brake pedal. I realize my poor phrasing a moment too late.

“As you command, Sweets.”

“Darling, no—”