#like literally lmao i have a headache and also my arm hurts. i should sleep lol

[astraykidz]

❄️For Nini/@minchanz for Stayblr Secret Santa 2022!❄️

hi nini!!! I swear i didn't ghost you after the last couple asks, i've just had. a helluva time lately, hence this being posted last minute lol it's just barely 2023 for me, oops but i finished it finally 💀

This was drawn from reference using one of his noeasy promo pictures, on thick sketchbook paper in pencil. i drafted, scrapped, and attempted so many different styles and concepts for a drawing to make for you (hence the many asks) before i decided i just needed to go with my strengths which are... drawing realism and chan lol i wish i'd had the time to make a cleaner (or at least as clean as pencil can be lol) finalized version, maybe even in color, but i redid this in a few different ways so many times 😵‍💫 you might be able to tell i extended the top with another piece of paper and that there's another piece of paper where the head is, that's because i redid it so many times there was very clearly stuff that wouldn't erase anymore so i put another sheet of paper over it, and then also because i drew just barely too close to the top of the paper so i couldn't quite fit all his hair comfortably lmao... i definitely bit off more than i could chew with this one, but i did it!!

I've been working on it off and on whenever i could for like. 2 weeks now i think? i also wasn't able to work on it the last few days because i had a minor surgery on my dominant wrist, but i can draw comfortably now so i was able to finish it! i worked on it pretty much all day today, i'm pretty happy with it! i hope you like it 💕 and i will definitely tag you when/if i make a cleaner or color version of this ☺️ 🩷

[comet-ribbon]

My Fix-it for Ts4

I've collected my thoughts and ideas that could have made Toy Story 4 a decent (yet then again an unnecessary sequel) in my take since sometimes this movie gives me headaches and wishful thinking that my true characters were there.

If some of you liked how this movie went, I respect your opinion. I, in my case, didn’t so this is for those who didn’t like it or just indifferent by it.

First of all, the starting point is Bonnie. If they followed up her love about Woody, then it would have easily respected everyone’s characters as they should be and the plot would have been better.

At this point everyone has commented how it went off character with her too so I won’t elaborate it here.

So, if Bonnie cared so much about Woody in ts4, it might have been a parallel to Andy missing him and Buzz when he was like 7(?)

Bonnie would be stressed and sad that she doesn’t know where Woody or Forky is. As shown in the montage she seemed happy playing Woody with Forky, being this new duo sort of pals.

And probably TS first all over again. But the thing is! That Woody's learned SO MUCH from the first movie and all that jazz.

He would have totally taught Forky About how being a toy is. Not in the funsies way in which the first TS did, they were obviously fun humor when it needed to. But with the falling point of Buzz' arc, it was a big deal and Woody helped him about his purpose.

Including Buzz and Jessie being now more experienced in this thing. Probably they could have become a stronger couple in assessing the toys and would have been cute af.

Forky wouldn’t be throwing himself away every damn time, in my take he would be confused in everything. He doesn't know why he's here. He doesn't even know why he has the form of a spork.

In my rewriting, he's literally a first-born, like Pinocchio.

Now ppl might be wondering, what would actually happen if Forky would have thrown himself away from the window? And the sidewalk thing happens?

Well. I have an idea. Instead of Bonnie cuddling Forky in her sleep. It’s Woody. Her parents would have told her that sleeping with her fork would be dangerous as it can hurt her when she doesn't know it.

Or it can be Jessie! since Bonnie is showing her sweet love to the cowgirl as well without making Woody being “neglected” She gets more appreciated in a good way, without shadowing Woody.

But I believe Woody has to be the focal point of this otherwise we wouldn’t get the talk on the sidewalk lmao.

If it’s the former, Woody has to make a quick decision whether stay in place with Bonnie or just going to bring Forky back.

Since we know our favorite doll and his great loyalty, he just tells Buzz they’ll be back soon, not knowing that he might see Bo again, delaying his mission and all that.

Probably Forky would still don't know about the dangers and he gets curious of going to the window. Again, his conscience is not developing yet. Bc he genuinely doesn't know anything yet.

Maybe and probably, once he gets sucked in, for the first time he's got a sense of fear and danger. Probably adding more personality than before.

For the first time ever, he developed the feeling of fear.

So, probably Woody would have told him in his experience, how when he was with Buzz, he saw the mutilated toys from Sid. And how they weren't able to speak or talk. Bc the actual body proportions were out of place, must have caused abnormalities in them.

That could make Forky more aware of his physical proportions. He also listens to his adventures of how Woody got his arm accidentally pulled off and how it even harmed him by the prospector when he threatened him.

Forky gets very fascinated by his storytellings and learn that strangers having to take things from you by force is morally wrong because of what Woody told him.

Heck, he even would have told him about Lotso! And how they were in the trash. Making Forky very scared, and just terrified of being there being useless.

So that situation happens when he sees that Gabby wants his voice box but remembers Woody's saying.

Might have changed the plot for the better.

So yeah, here are my thoughts so far! Would have loved to see my favorite trio work together in saving the spork and more suspense in facing the villain. Woody and Bo would have better off stayed being friends instead of a couple in the end because sometimes things don’t work anymore and could have been a good message for the audiences about relationships.

What do you guys think?

[lotusthekat]

Equivalent Exchange

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood

Rating: T

Relationships: Alphonse & Edward

Characters: Alphonse Elric, original minor characters, Edward Elric

Summary: Alphonse realizes he's no longer immortal in the most painful way.

*Slightly canon divergent as in that Ed keeps his automail

Word count: 1.649

AO3 / Fanfiction

A/N: I had this idea at literally 5 AM last night lmao. Basically I love Alphonse with my whole heart, and tbh I’m pretty sure he’d develop a huge guilt/hero complex after everything he went through.

I’m still new to this fandom, though, so I apologize if anyone is OOC. Hope you enjoy it!

(There might be some medical inaccuracies here though.)

TRIGGER WARNINGS - minor violence, major character injury, blood, near death experience, swearing and implied child abuse

Please do NOT ship the Elric brothers.

--

Alphonse can barely register anything at this point.

He’s running after the man pulling a little girl with him. Al’s legs move in spite of the unbearable, bleeding pain in his abdomen. The boy pushes past people who are barely interested in what’s happening.

Al screams after the man. The little girl is crying and trying to escape, but the man refuses to let her go. Al runs, but his body won’t resist for too long; he knows it, but he doesn’t stop.

His head is dizzy and heavy, and everything around him darkens. Al yells again, only it’s weakened. His legs don’t cooperate with him any longer and he almost trips, if not for the wall beside him. Al is panting, as sweat drops roll down his head. The man and the little girl are almost disappearing from his vision.

No, don’t stop! Go after them, you idiot!

His willpower isn’t enough to force his body to move. Al is soon on the ground, blood dripping on the pale sidewalk. People are whispering around him. They don’t approach.

All the boy hears, though, is the weight of his failure.

It’s what eventually makes him collapse.

--

The headache from the blazing light forces his eyes to open.

Then Al is, once again, in a hospital room. Except it’s a lot smaller, considering he’s not in the Central anymore. It might be the closest first aid post in his hometown, if he’s not mistaken.

The doctor speaks to him, explaining Al was stabbed, but that it’s not a huge cause of concern. He hasn’t lost too much blood, though it might hurt every now and then, so Al only needs to rest and not move a lot – specifically not run while with a stab wound, he lightly scolds.

Since Al is quite well-known from his time as an alchemist with Ed, the doctor doesn’t ask him who he is and tells him that they called his brother just now. Ed should be arriving soon.

Al nods again. He doesn’t say anything at all.

The doctor leaves him be, the room as quiet as the patient inside. Al’s hand reaches his bandaged stomach, lightly touching the cloth. Al doesn’t mind the pain from the wound. Not as much as the little girl’s horrified look is ingrained in his brain.

Al recalls what happened. He was doing groceries on his own – aside from wanting to take a walk in town, to breathe the air and feel the soft breeze. He would then go back home and have lunch with his brother and Granny Pinako, while Winry is back in Rush Valley. Al has been walking well as of late, so Ed wasn’t too insistent to come along.

It wasn’t supposed to go this wrong.

On the way, Al heard a little girl crying in an alley. She was so scared, and he tried to talk to her. Like that, the punch right to his face was really far from expected.

As it turned out, it was a middle-aged man that had assaulted him, and he grabbed the little girl’s arm with force. She was crying louder. He’s not sure now if he was her father, but it was still definitely infuriating.

Despite the pain, Al demanded he left her alone – and it only enraged the man more when he saw his face. Apparently, he’d once been under the military, and King Bradley’s fall disbanded many soldiers and officers. He also knew who Al was, so he despised him for “meddling in things that were none of his business”.

Al is no stranger to a fight, obviously. The problem is, he’s not a suit of armor anymore. That shouldn’t be a problem, of course, because he’s glad to be human again.

But being a human doesn’t absolve him of the hard and heartless punches he got, nor did it defend him from a stab right through his stomach. And worse, it was far from helpful to save the little girl.

And then Al was running after them, screaming, struggling to reach out to the small girl. He knew she was in danger, and he couldn’t let the man get away with her.

But Al is no longer immortal. He has no infinite stamina, and his body cannot take the same blows he did in the past. So, the stab wound was enough to knock him down. He couldn’t do anything to save her.

All he could do now, is to be stuck here hearing her cry from afar.

Al’s hands clutch the hospital clothes, inhaling and shutting his eyes fiercely.

…

Though, not going to lie, the loud running steps and a door opening wide do alarm him. But he’s quick to realize that his brother has arrived.

“Al!” Ed yells, rushing to his bed. “Al, are you okay?!”

“I’m fine, brother,” Al replies numbly. “It’s nothing to be concerned about. The doctor said I just need to rest for a while before I can go home.”

Ed exhales. “Holy shit, Al,” he curses under his breath, clutching one of his blond bangs with his hand. “Care to tell me what the hell happened?”

Al doesn’t face him. He doesn’t think he can.

“Al,” Ed insists, clearly impatient, “they told me you ran after the guy while you were losing blood. Do you have any idea how reckless that was?!”

“As if you can tell me off for being reckless,” Al mumbles.

Obviously, it annoys Ed even more. “This is different, Alphonse! You’re not immortal anymore! You’re not invincible and you could actually die with no going back!”

“You think I don’t know that?” Al raises his voice.

“Then WHY did you do it?!”

Al has had it. “Because I needed to save the little girl, Ed!”

Ed is thrown off by the sincere, frustrated statement. “Little girl?” He asks, not sounding as angry as before.

“The man, he”— Al swallows a lump —“he had this little girl with him… I found her in an alley, and she was terrified. I wanted to help her but then he hit me. And when he realized who I was, he punched me and stabbed me; and then he ran away with her.”

The girl’s face is in his memory, her eyes wide, hurt, scared. His arms shake.

“All I could think, was that I had to save her,” Al explains. “I-I had to, Ed. B-But I couldn’t protect her. I collapsed and he got away.”

His brother’s presence is no longer loud. Ed’s expression is sympathetic and sorrowful. Al lowers his head, shame weighing onto him.

Ed approaches him and puts both hands on Al’s shoulders. “Oh, Al… I’m so sorry.”

Al can’t help but flinch at the metal touching his skin. Ed’s automail is cold and hard against his fragile human body. Ed couldn’t quite get his body parts back, but it’s something he doesn’t mind.

Al refuses to look up still.

“Brother,” Al opens his mouth before realizing. “Please don’t take this the wrong way. I am more than grateful for getting my body back, and I would never reverse it. But…” The sniff that comes from him sounds child-like. “I know people are still out there to hurt others. To hurt us. But how can I protect them? H-How…” he hiccups, “h-how will I protect you, when I’m this useless?”

Ed’s hands still. “Alphonse…”

Al hides his face, unable to deal with this shame. He’s really useless to others. He can’t do anything, because he’ll definitely die, and people will get hurt because of him.

He knows everything is an exchange. Al might not be an alchemist anymore, but life is still based around it. In order to get his body back, Al gave up his immortality to grow up with his brother and his friends. He gave it up so he could be able to hug Ed again. So he could sleep and eat, and breathe. But when Al needs that strength again, he does not have it. He cannot save others. Like he couldn’t save a girl right in front of him.

What if people go after his family? What if they get to his brother? What will Al do?

Al’s endless guilt is quieted a little, however, once he’s pulled in a hug, his head lying against Ed’s chest. His older brother holds him tight around his shoulders, whilst he smooths Al’s short, blond hair.

“Al,” Ed speaks to him softly but firmly, “you’re the strongest person I know – with or without the armor. But you don’t need to risk your life to save us like you did before.”

“But she needed help, Ed,” Al sobs, “s-she needed…”

Ed sighs and hugs him closer. “I know. I’m sorry.”

They don’t let go for maybe an eternity. It takes a few more hours before Al is free to go. He can walk just fine, but he can’t run for his life again. In the meanwhile, Ed has his arm around the younger’s shoulders, watching everyone passing by like a hawk.

Al is far from feeling better. He doesn’t think he’ll recover from it, even if his brother might be right. At least Ed welcomes his grief, as they still think of past lives they lost in their journey.

The younger Elric remains silent. Ed doesn’t try to make him talk. He does get to reassure him with his presence and soft words.

“I’m going to take care of you now, okay?” Ed tells him. “You don’t need to fight anymore.”

Although Al is around the same height as Ed, he feels small as he hides his face in his older brother’s shoulder, like a child seeking for protection. His lip quivers and the tears fall silently. It might seem a little pathetic, but Al doesn’t pull his face away; and Ed squeezes him as well, kissing the top of his head.

[q-u-a-c-k]

rant that you can just skip over 😂 it's just detailed intrusive thoughts. and I'm continuing to rant about literally everything that goes through my brain so I am here writing this and not acting on thoughts or being stupid.

okay so this is a note from after I have written all that. and basically it's complaining and ranting about everything and hyperfixating on space and science in the end. in the middle I talk about my fears of love 😂 potentially triggering stuff? it's all nonsense you really dont have to read it. it was just to keep myself from doing something I shouldn't. so if you could be triggered by literally anything maybe dont? idk. I cant stop you but it's probably annoying and not interesting. if anyone does read it though let me know if I need to tag it anything.

So my brain has now decided that because there is no way I am sleeping tonight unless it's exhaustion, I get intrusive thoughts. fun! so rn it has been fixated on the fact that because I am closest to the outside. not hall door. that I could easily sneak out. which is very much not good idea, because 1) I dont live in this area, 2) it's still cold as fuck outside at night, 3) I would literally fucking get lost or caught immediately. So yeah :) I dont even know what I would do if I did go and I don't want to because I have an idea of what brain would say and that's a big no. it's especially big no because I'm too comfortable with the idea of it but I'm not allowed to. and I guess now it's kinda good because brain is thinking about how I miss my cat. I just wanna see my baby and be in my safe place with the people I'm actually comfortable with (cat and phone with online friends) like guys he's so fuckung adorable and what if he doesnt know why I'm not there right now. usually he sleeps in my room at night. so what if he's in my room waiting for me and I cant go see him. you're damn right that I'm crying about this. i just want my baby because he is my baby and an indicator of a safe place.

also I am so incredibly fucking uncomfortable. like I cannot sleep because 1) in a place I do not know 2) there are people (family) in the room that I am not comfortable letting my guard down around 3) there's so much noise from snoring (and from one sleep talking) 4) I am on the couch because when we go places I'm always the one who has to and it's a shitty pull out bed couch. it makes way too much noise that I have been in an uncomfortable position for over 3 hours because I dint want to disturb anyone else. and I can very easily feel like of the metal bars under the middle of my back 5) I am very cold. I forgot a blanket and I didnt get one because the room only gave us one extra one (I dont think we're supposed to have an extra person) ad my sister got it even though I'm the one by the outsid,door, window, and air conditioner which wont turn off. I at least have my flannel though to cover my legs 6) my head hurts so bad because it's the kind of headache that hurts to have eyes open, breath, or move around in general 7) my stomach hurts so bad because I had to eat because apparently people get hungry and are supposed to eat along with anxiety from literally all of this 8) I have not gotten to be alone for more than 10 minutes since the middle of Wednesday whereas usually I spend almsot all of my time alone (with cat and phone with online friends) in my safe place. 9) I have not stopped crying (not really like crying crying but like there has been tears or water from my eyes because for some reason they burn and some because of anxiety or missing cat. 10) I keep thinking that at any moment I close my eyes someone is going to break into the room or one of my family members are gonna do something (I literally dont know what, that's intrusive thoughts talking but I have previously freaked out because I thought they were gonna aliven't me for no reason) 11) When I'm somewhere I'm not used to I get really bad muscle cramps in my arms and legs and I am not having fun with that.

sorry that was a shit ton of complaining that nobody should have read or give a shit about. so sorry if anyone actually read that?

also Allison, if you actually do read this (istg you really dont have to. like I said this is just my train of thoughts written to prevent me from doing anything. I am not watching wandavision until later today 😂 and I am staying off the discord server I joined becuas of potential spoilers.

anyways continuation of rants and complaints. I really want to put the phone down and attempt to sleep even though I know I'm not gonna be able to and for that reason I have to write here because I do not trust myself with my brain being like this rn. but I wanna put phone down so bad because my eyes hurt and my head hurts from having eyes open.

and I really wanna just get my earbuds out and have controlled noise and potentially fall asleep but that would take noise louder than them to drown them out but any noise already is hurting my head and earbuds sound really uncomfortable right now.

also I'm starting to get really cold again because the flannel was working for a little but I think that was because I had to move a little bit to get it out and on my legs and I haven't been moving.

also my sister (sleep.talker) has been just making noises and mumbling all night except just now she went "eww" and rolled over and continued snoring and sleeping. so that's fun. totally didnt scare me.

oh my God it's fuckung almost 3:30 I just wanna sleep. at this rate I dont care in what way it happens, but I want sleep in the next 10 minutes so I cannot be aware of how uncomfortable or in pain I am.

my back (which usually already has back pain) connot stand to lay on the bar in this position anymore so I have to move but it's so loud and I dont wanna wake anyone up or move into a worse position but feel bad for moving.

I have now moved and I dont THINK I woken anyone up. back is better but head hurts so much more now because of movement and I am now laying on my knee which I have a lot of problems with and am not having a fun time.

idk what to talk about. I want sleep or to at least put phone down but like I said multiple times I do not trust my brain rn so I have to keep writing stuff. and I dont want to just keep complaining but idk what to talk about and complaining is easiest rn because I was out in an uncomfortable situation by coming with them and I didnt want to in the first place but would not be able to stay home.

I am now gonna talk about sleep and my thoughts about it. I like being asleep but I also dont. I like being not awake but most of the time do not like the dreams I have. but sleep itself is such an interesting concept. like the body forces itself to shut down and put you unconscious to like rest itself or repair before continuing to function. and it's like (supposed to be) on a specific or close to schedule. like youre supoosed to have a schedule for when you're unconscious. and this is completely normal. a part of our society is actually shaped around this too? like at certain times around the world it gets all dark and the world goes quiet for a while. idk I just think it's really interesting. maybe it's not idk lmao.

and now brain wants to talk about how and why I am afraid to love. :). brain is afraid to love because that means I have to be vulnerable to someone and that's just so terrifying to do, especially being someone who is different than a lot of the heteronormative society. like I absolutely love my friends. and once I'm comfortable around them, I'm gonna tell them that I love them as much as I can (but also dont want to make them uncomfortable). because if I finally feel comfortable enough around you to be vulnerable and accept that I love you despite brain's overwhelming urge to say I don't and be invulnerable and safe, I'm gonna tell you that as much as I can that I love you. because it literally happens so little in my life that I actually really trust someone. so if I tell you I love you I mean it (and it tells you I trust you). like seriously, I barely even say it to my mom because I'm so on guard and trying to watch my back around her. and I dont think I say it to the rest of my family. unless it's my grandparents I'm gonna tell them that because I think I do just in a different way of your my grandparent and you're family. and I occasionally say it to my irl best friend because there's still a lot I'm on guard about because I haven't told her a lot of things so we're not as close as you'd think. but if you're reading this I have probably told you i love you. and i know Allison i tell you as much as i can because I think yyou'rethe absolute top person that I trust and love, so i try to tell you a lot. because I love you!! you're like my entire found family 😂

but now we're gonna talk about reasons why I'm terrified to be in love romantically. Because I dont think i have actually liked someone romantically or really ever be romantically interested in anyone. I have thought about it because I felt like I had to tell myself I was ( I was not). like i thought I had a crush on someone once but I think it was because I was unable to be their friend at the time that I wanted to be their friend even more. and because I never really got to pick my friends I didnt know what it was like to actually want to be friends with someone. but thinking about someone romantically I just cant really do. because I don't want to get into a romantic relationship if I don't know if I'm gonna like them romantically at all. do people like people romantically when they first go out with someone? or do they just say I kinda like this person let's try it out? because that just doesnt make sense to me and idk. and it could very well be that I'm just to young to know yet. because I still dont even know what I would want from a romantic relationship. like... Idk what there is for me to want or what's different to loving your friends besides calling them something else? and the whole having to trust that this person likes you in a specific way that you might like them before you take it far enough and get hurt because they just don't feel the same? or you're the one that's not really sure and potentially hurt someone else? I know people say it's just a risk you're gonna have to take but I dont want to take a risk like that. I dont mind being hurt from it myself but in terrified at the thought that I could potentially hurt someone because I just dint feel a certain way. and I still dont know what the difference is between friend love or romantic love to be able to judge or risk that? like seriously what is different? because I mean, maybe affection like have someone to hug or cuddle? but you could do that with friends and it should be a normal thing to have with your friends. but ig this still is a fucked up society that thinks everything has to be more than what it really is. and it just leaves people touch starved because of it. idk. maybe one day I'll figure it out, but how it's just Greek and foreign to me. idfk.

well that was fun. now it's 4 and I need something else to talk about because even if I do potentially fall alseep soon, I do not want those to be my last thoughts and possibly have dream about it (dreams for me are typically not good).

I think I see the moon. it's either a moon or a parking lot light. and I know the moon is either full or very close to full (I'm pretty sure it's just very. close) but I wish all of those lights outside were off and possibly have a new moon so I could see the stars. I love the stars so much. i love the moon, too, but right now it's very bright. but I wish I was more into astronomy and knew more about it. because that's also something that's very interesting to me is space and the stars. I wanna be someone who knows about all of the constellations. but I have a horrible memory and absolutely would not be able to remember 88 different stories. although I'd want to. even though most of them or a bunch are just Zeus being a dick. but more to the science side of the stars is so interesting to me that they're soooooo far away. like they're literally incomprehensibly far away. like I cannot comprehend how big a football field is without see one, I'm agine being able to comprehend the distance of light years? like I know we know how far it is but I'm pretty sure human minds cannot comprehend how far that ACTUALLY is. even if we know it's a LOT. and isnt it cool how we're able to know there are other planets outside of the solar system? I believe it's 4 different planets that we know of that are MORE inhabitable than earth. like better to live on. and they have either older or stronger stars that wouldn't die out as fast as our sun. although there comes the debate of if we should be able to go to them. it's a very debatable question, but I think overall the answer would be no. because humans have fucked up an entire planet, why should we be allowed to do it to another? like it realize it's literally a percent of humans that fucked it up for the rest of the planet, but humans have an inner need to have power over everyone else and other things and would stop at nothing to get what they want. humans could so easily become corrupt and destroy other planets too. it's kind of a fucked up thing to say, but I feel like maybe humans should die out with our planet. like of course it's not fair to the ones who haven't had the chance to live a life yet. but it was never fair to the other creatures humans killed for their own needs. like we have caused extinction several times. karma will get you back in the end ig. and it would be cool to know but obviously we wouldnt be able to know, if a species even smarter than humans evolved and kept the peace on earth, even as the ruling species? ruling sounds wrong but idk what else to call it. whatever we are above everything else is what they would be. but it would be so amazing to know what smarter beings are alive or could eventually live. like that's so fucking cool.

anyways I should probably try to sleep or put phone down because now brian doesnt have time to let me do anything I shouldnt. it's 4:30 😂 someone is probably gonna wake up soon because idk.

[emybain]

Adrian's dads interacting with him about Nova, or interacting with Adrian and Nova, plz.

sorry i took ten million years to respond! I struggled with this one! also, I apologize because there’s literally only one scene with them interacting with Adrian, and one with Nova, and they’re both pretty short scenes. I basically used this ask as an excuse to write something i’ve been wanting to for a while, so if you want me to rewrite it in a different way, I understand completely lmao. but without further ado, the fic that has tortured me for over a week that was supposed to be short but turned out to be over 6,000 words. I kid you not.

if you enjoy this fic, feel free to check out my other works! I also accept fic requests!

summary: The Final Battle for Gatlon is over. The Renegades have won. The Anarchists are defeated for the last time. But, they wouldn’t have won had it not been for one person, a former Anarchist, who switched sides in the middle of the battle, and risked her life to help the Renegades. Secrets were revealed, and hearts are conflicted. The advice of parents is sometimes all a person needs.

   Adrian was playing a game of Slap Jack with his dads and Max when the phone rang. They were sitting in the kitchen at the breakfast. Max currently had the biggest pile of cards, struggling to keep them all in his small hands. After the Final Battle For Gatlon, the leading group of scientists had presented a device to his dads for Max. It was like the Vitality Charm, which Simon had given to the team for studying after they found it. After it had been stolen. But Adrian tried not to think about the latter. Because the device allowed for Max to be around other prodigies, outside of his quarantine, without draining them of their powers. Adrian and his dads were still getting used to seeing Max walk around the house, go outside, and just be a kid. Then again, he had only moved into the house two days before. Adrian’s dads were working on fixing a room for him on the upper level, for Max had said he didn’t mind that there may be ghosts. Until then, Max slept in Adrian’s room. Adrian didn’t mind. He enjoyed the company of his younger brother, especially considering the circumstances.

   “I’ll go see who it is,” Hugh announced, setting his cards face down on the table and standing to go to the other room where the phone was. He pointed a finger at Max. “Don’t mess up my cards. I’ll find out.”

   “You’re just scared of getting your donkey kicked,” Max retorted. “And besides, why would I want to mess with your cards? They’re trash.”

   Simon, who was sipping water, spluttered and started coughing. Adrian bit his lip to keep from smiling.

   “You can clean the kitchen after dinner for that,” Hugh joked before disappearing from the room. Adrian listened with one ear while conversing lightly with Simon and Max, who was reaching over the table to take away the Jacks from Hugh’s pile. Neither Adrian nor Simon stopped him. From the other room, Hugh went quiet, then muttered something into the phone alone the lines of “Thank you, we’re on our way.” Adrian couldn’t comprehend the rest of the conversation.

   “Who was that?” Simon asked as Hugh reappeared back into the kitchen. Upon seeing Hugh’s face, though, the three of them sat up in their chairs. His face was ashen as he pulled a coat over his shoulders. He tossed Simon’s to him.

   “Hospital.” Adrian dropped his cards, suddenly feeling cold all over. Max set down his cards too and looked up at Hugh, eyes wide with hope. From Hugh’s expression, Adrian felt as though it wasn’t good news.

   “We’ll be back in a while,” Hugh explained to Adrian sternly. Simon got up to follow Hugh out the kitchen and to the door. Both Adrian and Max stood from their seats as well, firing questions at their dads. Adrian had gone numb to his toes. It was clearly urgent, if his dads had to leave immediately.

   “Watch Max.” Simon turned to give them both a hug. “Stay inside. It’s still not that safe out there yet.” He was referring to the damage done from the Final Battle. Adrian nodded, not really understanding words. He only had one thing on his mind. His dads seemed to notice, as they exchanged looks in the open doorway.

   Finally, Adrian got his answer.

   “She’s awake, Adrian. Watch your brother until we get back.”

   To put it simply, Nova felt like crap.

   She had been awake for approximately an hour, and for the first time in forever, wished she could go back to sleep. Her entire body ached, from her forehead down to her feet. It didn’t help that she had a nurse come in every five minutes to fuss over her. When Nova had croaked out a question about where she was, the nurse had just given her a sympathetic smile, checked her vitals, then left. Nova only knew that she was in a hospital room somewhere. A few minutes later, the nurse had brought back a cup of water, which Nova downed in one gulp. That had been when she first woke up, and her mouth was dry. The nurse didn’t seem to want to give her any more water, either. Bitch.

   When Nova tried to move her mountain of blankets so she could stand up, she hissed in pain. Her hand went to her ribcage. She felt the thick padding of a bandage underneath her nightgown.

   “I recommend not getting any ideas about moving.” Nova’s head whipped up, and she instantly regretted it. A wave of nausea rolled through her body. When her vision cleared, she was met face to face with her enemies: Captain Chromium and the Dread Warden.

   “What are you doing here?” she slurred, voice cracking over every word. She winced. Why did her throat hurt so much?

   “We put ourselves down as your direct contacts, if you ever decided to wake up,” Hugh Everhart explained, crossing his arms.

   “Or died,” Simon Westwood added. Nova could tell he was trying to joke, but she could barely register it through her splitting headache.

   “May we come in?” Hugh asked. Nova nodded numbly, and the couple walked into the small hospital room. They sat down in a pair of chairs next to Nova’s bed. Nova squinted at them. The fluorescent lights were too bright for her liking.

   The three were quiet, listening to the hum of the air conditioning unit. Nova stared at the heroes. Up close, they looked haggard, as if they hadn’t slept in days.

   “How are you feeling?” Simon asked, breaking the silence.

   “Where’s Adrian?” Nova responded. They didn’t need to know how much pain she was in. It was only an advantage to them, knowing one of her weaknesses.

   The couple shared a tired look. Hugh answered. “He’s at home with his brother.”

   Nova blinked in confusion. “His brother? But Max…”

   “We can explain that later.” Simon nudged his partner. “We only care about you right now, Nova.”

   “Is Adrian alright?” Nova attempted to sit up. She gasped and fell back, tears prickling at the back of her eyes. Simon reached out a comforting hand, placing it lightly on her shoulder.

   “Yes. He’s fine. Tired, but we all are.”

   Nova relaxed and closed her eyes. Good. At least he was safe.

   “What about the others?” She opened her eyes again. “Oscar, Danna, Ruby? Where are they?”

   Hugh cracked a wry smile. “At home with their families. Oscar and Ruby suffered from some minor injuries, but they’re healing now. The wounds should be gone in the next couple of days.” Nova nodded, letting out a slow sigh. They were okay as well. No one was…gone. Yet, anyway.

   “Nova,” Hugh started, “how much do you remember?”

   Nova was quiet. She hadn’t really thought about what had happened before she woke up. She was too tired and in too much pain to care, really. All she cared about was that Adrian and her former teammates were alright.

   She licked her dry lips. “I…I remember fighting,” she croaked. “With the Anarchists, at first, then I learned what my unc-Ace Anarchy was planning, so I started helping the Renegades.” She looked up, and got nods of confirmation from both superheroes. She inhaled shakily. “I remember seeing Ace Anarchy, and then…nothing. Until now, at least.”

   “Well, that’s some of it.” Simon sighed grimly. “Listen, Nova, we’re not going to tell you everything just yet, alright? We’re not going to arrest you, either. That hasn’t been decided yet. We’re just here to check on you, so relax.”

   Nova blinked at him, trying to find lies in his words. But his statement was genuine. She allowed for her shoulders to relax, only a little. A cold realization hit her. Her heart sped up. It showed on the monitor next to her bed. “My uncle’s dead, isn’t he,” she whispered, not even phrasing it like a question.

   Hugh responded, and his voice, oddly, was sorrowful. “Yes. He was killed in the battle. I’m truly sorry, Nova.” Nova stared ahead blankly. The fingers in her lap twitched.

   Hugh shared a look with Simon. “We should go. You need rest.” Nova wasn’t sure who said it, but she nodded anyways. They left the room, and it was when the door closed behind them when Nova felt the dampness of her cheeks. She wiped at the tears trickling down her face. A steady stream.

   Nova laid back, wincing as she did so, and turned her head to the window. It was midday. The sun shone over the city. Nova must’ve been on a higher floor, for she could only see the roofs of other buildings.

   When she closed her eyes, she let the rest of her tears fall.

   Nova was woken by voices. She peeked an eye open, squinting against the sunlight. It was brighter than before. She didn’t remember falling asleep.

   “The odds of her waking up any time soon to eat it are slim, though.”

   Another voice responded, but they sighed first. “Oscar, leave the pudding. We can get pudding on the way to Adrian’s, okay?”

   “But-”

   “We did what we came here for, so let’s go,” another voice piped up.

   Nova opened both her eyes, blinking at the three Renegades that stood arguing over her bed. She attempted to sit up, but hissed and fell back. She had to stop doing that. Her side was on fire.

   They all looked at her, Oscar, Ruby, and Danna. She stared back. Seeing Danna surprised her at first, but then she remembered. Danna had escaped her glass prison before the final battle. It had been her that ratted Nova out to everyone. The last time Nova had seen her, they weren’t exactly on friendly terms. She was regarding Nova with an expression Nova couldn’t figure out. It made her blush.

   “You’re awake!” Ruby cried, a grin spreading across her face. Nova couldn’t tell if her cheeriness was real or forced. It was hard to tell with Ruby. “We were just about to go. How are you feeling?”

   Nova opened her mouth, unsure of what to say. She felt like a train had ran her over, but she couldn’t exactly tell them that. So she shrugged. “Fine, I guess,”

   “I’ll wait for you guys outside, okay?” Danna crossed her arms. She avoided Nova’s gaze, jaw set. She made her way to the door.

   “Wait, Danna!” Ruby tried to grab her arm, but missed. She watched the door close behind Danna sadly, sighing softly.

   Oscar took Ruby’s hand and laced their fingers together. Ruby kept her eyes down, but allowed herself to be closer to him. That was new. Nova shifted uncomfortably as she watched them. “Don’t worry about her, Nova. She’s still a little upset about…everything.”

   “I don’t blame her, either.” Ruby shrugged helplessly. Then she looked at Nova, eyes wide. “I don’t blame you, either! I m-mean, you did what you had to. Maybe it was-wasn’t the best thing to do, but you didn’t have a choice!”

   Nova’s brain was a foggy mess. She could barely comprehend Ruby’s stuttering, so she just nodded. She turned her eyes to the pudding cup sitting on her bedside table, then to Oscar. “Were you trying to steal my pudding?”

   Oscar cracked a smile. “I wasn’t going to actually do it. I’m not that rude.”

   “Take it.” Nova gained enough strength to wave her hand, gesturing for him to grab the pudding. She looked at her hand, at the pulse oximeter on her finger and at the IV infusion. “I don’t like pudding, anyways.”

   The door opened, revealing the nurse Nova had seen the past few days when she was in and out of conscious. She smiled warmly at Oscar and Ruby as she headed over to Nova’s IV bag next to her bed.

   “It’s sweet of your friends to visit you and bring you gifts, Miss Artino.”

   Nova chuckled nervously, playing with her fingers. She noticed for the first time the teddy bear and the balloon that read “Get well soon” in giant font. Her nurse was nice enough, but she always tried to make small talk with Nova, and Nova would rather not talk.

   “Well, I guess we should go,” Ruby said, biting her lip. “We hope to see you up and moving soon, Nova.”

   “Wait!” Nova reached out a hand, ignoring the chastise her nurse gave her about moving too much. Ruby and Oscar stopped and looked back at her expectantly. “I’m…” she licked her lips. “I’m sorry. For everything I’ve done to you guys. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but-”

   “We forgave you days ago, Nova.” Ruby shook her head. “When you sacrificed yourself…” she trailed off and shook her head. “We can’t speak for Danna or Adrian, but Oscar and I forgive you. Get some rest, now, okay?” She smiled awkwardly, and they made their way to the door again, hand in hand.

   “Where is Adrian?” Nova asked, brain fuzzy. She remembered their fight, how he had all but spit at her. She didn’t want to get her hopes up at the chances of him visiting her, or her seeing him ever again, but still….

   They stopped again, exchanged glances. Ruby seemed to win, as Oscar sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “At home with Max and his dads. We’re all pretty shaken up, but he took this,” he gestured around them, “harder than everyone.”

   Nova nodded numbly. “You’re going to his house today?” Oscar nodded. “Can you tell him I’m sorry, too?”

   Ruby bit her lip. “That might be too much for him right now, Nova. I think you know that.”

   Adrian was giving Max an art lesson. They were in his basement room, an easel propped up in front of them. He decided he would just teach Max the basics. His brother had been begging and pleading for days now for a lesson, and Adrian finally caved. He had gone into his studio, ignoring the dream he had painted for her, ignoring the way his heart hammered in his chest at the thought of her lying unconscious in Hugh’s arms, clothes torn and her torso drenched in blood, and grabbed one of his easels. They were painting in his bedroom today.

   From upstairs, Hugh called for Adrian to come up for a minute. He ruffled Max’s hair, still shocked he could do that freely now, and made his way up the stairs.

   Both his dads were in the living room when he walked in. Simon muted the TV and gestured for Adrian to come closer.

   “Sit down, Adrian,” he said, patting the sofa cushion beside him. Adrian opted for the armchair, eyeing his dads suspiciously.

   “What are you guys up to?” He tried to keep his voice light, but he knew he was probably in trouble.

   Hugh sighed, and he and Simon shared a look. “Adrian, we’re worried about you.”

   Adrian started to protest, but was hushed by Simon.

   “We’re serious, son,” he said grimly. “It’s been a week. We’ve visited her twice, the rest of your team has gone to see her. When are you going to visit her?”    

   Adrian stiffened. He should’ve known this was what they wanted to talk about. He couldn’t use Max as a shield for an excuse not to go and pay a visit to Nova Artino in the hospital.

   A chill ripped through his body. Her true lineage was still…hard to comprehend.

   He shrugged, wanting to come off as nonchalant. He knew he was failing. Terribly. Like so many things in his life at the moment. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “We didn’t exactly part on good terms.” When Danna had escaped the prison Nova had put her in, she had revealed to everyone who Nova McLain really was. But Nova had already disappeared by then, along with the rest of the Anarchists. The next time Adrian had seen her was as Nightmare, the villain he had sworn to kill for bringing so much pain to his family. It was on the battlefield that he fought her as the Sentinel, and then revealed who he was in order to gain an upper hand. He had won, but when she told him to kill her, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He had thrown her weapon he had disarmed on the ground next to her feet.

   “Killing you would be mercy,” he had said, ignoring the way she flinched at his words. He walked away, and she didn’t stop him.

   And then, for whatever reason, she had started helping the Renegades halfway through the battle. And then she sacrificed herself…going into the flames to save a man already gone. And then there was the explosion. And then Captain Chromium and the Dread Warden and the rest of the Council had gone into the wreckage to search for survivors. They all returned eventually, the Captain coming last. He was the only one who found a body.

   Adrian’s heart had stopped when his dad hurried through the crowd of Renegades and supporters of the Anarchists alike, carrying Nightmare, Nova Artino, in his arms, heading for a healer. Next to him, Ruby had sobbed into Oscar’s shoulder. Danna had said nothing, eyes following Captain Chromium and the body he carried. Adrian had been motionless, overcome by a million emotions and by none at all at the same time. He had been numb. Her lifeless body…

   Hugh sighed. “We can’t imagine the pain you’re going through right now, Adrian. We know she meant a lot to you-”

   “None of it was real,” Adrian snapped, shocking himself. He looked down at his lap. “Sorry, it’s just-”

   “It’s okay,” Hugh reassured.

   “She lied to me, Dad.” His voice cracked. “I-I don’t know if I can forgive what she did. Everything she did…being interested in me and being around me…only to get information out of me.”

“You’re so young, Adrian.” Simon shook his head. “You’re going to get your heart broken, and you’re going to break hearts. It sucks…especially,” he gestured with his hands, “in your current position, but one of the best ways to deal with the heartbreak is to stop avoiding the problem.”

Adrian felt a weight in his gut. His dads were right, he had to visit Nova. Whether or not either of them wanted to see one another, he had to set things right between them. He had to stop thinking about Nova McLain, who never existed. He had to face her portrayer, no matter how much the thought made him dizzy.

“I still can’t forgive her,” he muttered.

“And that’s okay,” said Simon. “That’s something we could never ask of you.”

Adrian looked up at them. “Why?”

Simon pursed his lips. “Because it’s something only your heart can decide.”

Nova had her TV on mute, having grown tired of being limited to the news channel, a channel for kids, and the tv movie channel. She watched her nurse, whose name she learned was Anne, arrange her dinner. It was a simple broth; Nova stopped caring what flavor after the third night of having it. With it she got two pudding cups, gelatin, and a mystery juice in case she got tired of her giant, hospital issued water bottle.

   They still wouldn’t let her eat any solids, which annoyed her. She had grown tired of the same rotation of liquid foods. She had found out that the wound in her side was from being impaled with debris from the explosion, and the nurses and doctors worried about her consuming solids after the surgery. But it had been over a week. Surely, since she was allowed to stand up and shuffle down the hallway and back once a day and use the bathroom, with assistance, she should be allowed something as simple as crackers or cereal or something.

   Anne hummed as she arranged Nova’s tray all organized in front of her, taking her time in making sure everything was set up perfectly, down to the spoon resting on a napkin for her broth. She was a sweet older lady, with dark skin and kind eyes. Nova had learned all about her children and grandchildren, and how two of her many grandchildren were prodigies and couldn’t wait until they were old enough to fight crime.

   “Anne,” Nova said. Anne hummed her response, not looking up from her work. “Why are you so nice to me?”

   Anne paused. “What do you mean by that, Miss Nova?”

   “You know…everything I’ve done. Everyone that’s come to visit me has acted like I have a second head or something.” Nova twisted her bracelet around her wrist. She was beyond relieved that it had survived everything and wasn’t gone. “But you treat me like…like I’m just another patient. Why?”

   Anne finished Nova’s tray, not answering. She cleared off old trash from the tray and took away empty dishes. “Miss Nova, I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anyone before, okay?” Nova nodded. “Well, back when I first became a nurse, before the Age of Anarchy, I saw the way prodigies like yourself were treated.” She shook her head in disbelief. “So many were sent to us, beaten and bloody and unconscious. It made my heart go out for them. They didn’t deserve that treatment just because they were different. Then, the Age of Anarchy began, and things only grew worse. I’ve treated many gang members in my time. Don’t let my beauty fool you. I’m older than I look.” Nova smiled, although it was sad.

   “Anyways,” Anne sighed. “I learned many backgrounds and stories of the people I treated. The majority of their stories made me ache with sympathy. And they were always thankful to me, because I treated them like human beings. A good portion of them had never experienced that.”

   “Being treated like anyone else?” Nova asked, and Anne nodded.

   “So I made a vow of sorts to myself. I can’t let my own beliefs or anyone else’s dictate how I treat my patients. I am simply doing my job, and I will do it to the best of my ability. And part of my job is to make sure each patient feels like they were well taken care of during their stay. Sometimes, I’ve learned, even the smallest acts of kindness can change people.”

   “But,” Nova paused, confused, “my uncle is the one who caused…all of this. Why wouldn’t you hate me?”

   Anne smiled at Nova and leaned down, patting her cheek lightly. “I’ve seen many evil people in my life, Nova Artino. I can tell good from bad. You may come from people who made bad decisions in their lives, but I don’t think you’re evil. Misguided, yes, and told to deal with your emotions in bad ways, but not evil. Your actions last week that put you in this bed prove me correct.”

   Anne wiped at Nova’s face. Nova hadn’t noticed the tear rolling down her face until it was gone. “Thank you, Anne,” she whispered, and she meant it.

   “There’s nothing to thank me for, sweet girl.” Anne collected her supplies. “I’m going to go ahead and set you up for tonight, okay? You’re night nurse should be here in a while to check on you.”

   Nova nodded. She was used to this routine by now. “Okay. Goodnight, Anne.”

   “Goodnight, Miss Nova.”

   Nova ate her dinner, despite how much it wanted to make her throw up. She unmuted the TV and decided on the channel for kids. The news station was still talking about the battle the week before and the aftermath, and the movie channel was playing a movie about a forbidden love between two teenagers. Nova would rather relearn her shapes than be reminded of things she didn’t want to think about.

   She had just finished her first pudding cup and was about to move onto the second when there was a soft knock on her door. Figuring it was her night nurse, Nova turned down the volume and called out with a raspy voice that they could come in. Her night nurse was different than Anne, and didn’t like to talk all that much. She also avoided eye contact with Nova and spoke in a quiet voice. It was clear Nova made her uncomfortable, so Nova didn’t bother learning her name.

   The door opened, but Nova kept her attention on the TV. There were a bunch of talking farm animals and a young girl. Nova couldn’t make out what they were saying. “I’m almost done with my dinner,” she told the nurse. “Other than that I’m fine.”

   The nurse cleared her throat, and it was much deeper and louder than Nova expected. She glanced over and jumped, hissing and dropping her pudding cup in the process. Standing in the doorway to her room was none other than Adrian Everhart, looking just as startled as she was.

   “I’m sorry!” He took a few steps into the room, letting the door close behind him. “Are…are you okay?”

   Nova held back a few tears, clutching her side as it seared and throbbed from the pain. She wouldn’t be surprised if she had ripped a stitch. She managed a harsh laugh. “Doing great, thanks. I thought you were my nurse.”

   “Uh…I’m not.” Adrian didn’t move, staying ten feet from Nova’s bed as if she were sick with some contagious disease.

   “I see that,” Nova deadpanned. She looked her ex-boyfriend (is that what he was?) up and down. He looked tired. He had let his hair grow out since Max was hurt, and now it was messy and unkempt. His clothes were wrinkled. He looked like a ghost, not alive but existing.

   “You can sit, if you want.” Nova gestured to one of the chairs next to her bed. Adrian looked at it for a minute, then nodded slowly. He walked around her bed with caution and sat down. He remained stiff, not meeting Nova’s eyes. Nova licked her chapped lips. “I guess it’s a good thing you came today.” He finally looked up at her, bewildered. Her heart skipped. “They let me shower for the first time this morning. I didn’t realize how bad I smelled until after I was clean.”

   The corner of his mouth lifted, and Nova’s heart surged with hope. But then it fell, along with his eyes.

   “Your dads and the team have visited.” She was trying to strike up a conversation. Anything was better than his silence. Nova wanted to hear his voice. “They were nice. Oscar stole my pudding, but it was expected.”

   “I thought you were going to die,” Adrian said suddenly. Nova closed her mouth. “My dad carried your unconscious body from the flames of the explosion. There was…there was so much blood.”

   Nova’s hand went to her ribs, where she was still heavily bandaged. Even with medication, it still throbbed as a reminder.

   “I didn’t think you cared,” Nova whispered, blinking rapidly. “After…after everything I did. To you. To your family.”

   “I told myself I didn’t care.” Adrian picked up a get well card from her bedside table, examined it. “I want to hate you, Nova Artino. You tried to kill my dad, you’ve attacked me on multiple occasions, and you attacked Max. You’ve haunted me for months about my mother. You’ve mocked me by helping me and the Renegades, pretending to be good.” He paused. Nova bit her lip, jaw tense. “So tell me why I don’t hate you. Tell me why I still care about you.”

   A tear rolled down Nova’s cheek, but she didn’t bother wiping it away. She was sick of crying. “I can’t.” She shook her head. “You have every right to hate me.”

   “How long will you be here?” he asked, changing the subject.

   Nova stared at him, confused. “I don’t know.” She shrugged. “Probably not much longer, then they’ll put me in prison most likely.”

   He shook his head. “Not without a trial. And I wouldn’t put it past my dads to defend you.”

   Nova held back a snort. “I wouldn’t put it past the Renegades and Captain Chromium to throw me in a cell the moment I can stand on my own.”

   Adrian threw the card he had in his hands back on the table in frustration. “Damn it, Nova! Why do you hate the Renegades so much?” He ran a hand through his hair, messing it up more. “We’re the good guys. I thought you wanted to make the world a better place for prodigies.”

   “The Renegades are liars,” Nova spat between clenched teeth. Her heartbeat monitor started to go up, just slightly. “They weren’t there when my family was murdered. Alec Artino was. They want a world where they can control everything, even their own, and that’s not a world I want to be a part of. I would rather die than be a part of their world.”

   “You talk about the Renegades like I’m not one of them.” Adrian crossed his arms.

   “I didn’t think you agreed with everything they did.” Nova swallowed. “You’re not innocent, either, Adrian Everhart. How many people know you’re the Sentinel?”

   It was Adrian’s turn to shrink beneath her gaze. “Just my family, the team, and you. And you’re right, I don’t agree with everything the Council does, but at least I don’t go and try to kill people over it.”

   “No,” Nova said bitterly. “Instead you just pretend to be a goodie-two-shoes who can’t keep his helmet on straight.”

   Neither spoke. The only sound in the room was the AC unit and her beeping monitor. Adrian looked at Nova, but not at her face. She felt his eyes on her disheveled hair, on her nightgown that hung from her weak frame, on everything attached and hooked to her arms and hands.

   “Why are you here, Adrian?” she whispered, so soft she wasn’t sure if he heard her. “You had the chance to kill me, but you didn’t, and now you’re here. Why?”

   Adrian ran a hand over his face, tired. He stood from his chair, as if he couldn’t be close to her anymore. “I wanted to kill Nightmare,” he said. “For everything she did to everyone I love.”

   “You talk about Nightmare like I’m not her.” Nova echoed his words from before. Adrian ignored her.

   “And then I found out who was behind the mask.” He went to the window. His voice was void of emotion; it sent a chill through Nova. His voice used to be so full of life. “I was angry, and I still am. You manipulated me, made me believe you cared for me. All to get information for your friends.” He took a shaky breath. “But in that moment, when I was about to kill you, I thought I saw something in your eyes. I saw Nova, the Nova I thought I knew, and I was hopeful…hopeful that maybe it wasn’t all a lie.” He paused. “And I couldn’t bring myself to kill the girl I fell for, even if she wanted to kill me.”

   “Adrian,” she began, but Adrian held up a hand, silencing her. He walked back to her bed, and only when he bent down to meet her eye to eye did she notice that he was crying like her, eyes red.

   “I need to know,” he croaked, searching her face. “I need to know if you ever had feelings for me.”

   Nova sniffed, her vision going blurry from the tears. “When the Anarchists convinced me to become a Renegade as a spy, I-I thought I would hate every second of it and couldn’t wait until we succeeded and I could drop the game.” She laughed, although it was humorless. “I wasn’t expecting to meet people who I soon wanted to protect from the Anarchists. I made friends. I…I knew you liked me early on, Adrian, and I was told to use it to my advantage.” She wasn’t sure why she was telling him everything, but it felt right. “But I never liked it.” Adrian’s eyes dropped to the ground. “I never liked it because I had to constantly tell myself I didn’t like a Renegade, that all of my attempts at flirting and getting your attention were so that I could learn more about the Renegades.” She sniffled and reached out for Adrian’s hand, grabbing it hesitantly.

“What are you saying,” Adrian murmured, looking down at her hand over his.

“I wasn’t expecting to fall for a Renegade in this, especially you of all people.” Nova bit the inside of her cheek. “I may have lied, but everything we did together was honest, Adrian.”

Adrian didn’t respond right away. She figured he was letting her words sink in. Then, he held her hand, intertwining their fingers. “I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive you, yet,” he whispered. “But I understand your pain. I care about you so much, Nova, nevermind your past. I want you to get better, and I don’t want you to go to prison. I want there to be reform as much as you, and I think…I think we can work together. Because you did a lot of bad things, but you did a lot of good things as well, and your intentions are good. I can see that.” Nova thought of what Anne had told her earlier, how similar her words were. “I think it’s best we’re allies for now. I need time to heal, and I think you do, too.”

Nova nodded, heart sinking the slightest. She wasn’t sure why; she knew from the start that her relationship with Adrian was bound to blow up. It was never meant to last, at least not while they were on different sides, hurting one another.

“I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive you, either. It’s…hard to process the whole Sentinel thing, and everything else.” She circled her thumb over the back of his hand.

Adrian met her eyes, and she saw her pain reflected in them. Against her will, she leaned in, and so did he. She gripped his face, damp from tears, and kissed him tenderly. Nova savored his touch, his closeness. It was a goodbye kiss, one meant as the very last, at least for a while. But before they pulled apart, she felt hope in the kiss. Hope that things would be better one day, and they would forgive one another. She rested her forehead against his, breathing in his scent for the last time. Things were far from perfect between them. There were a thousand questions that still needed to be addressed. But Nova didn’t want to think about them yet.

“Can you stay?” she croaked, stroking the back of his neck softly. She broke their gaze, eyes flitting to the spot next to her on the bed. His eyes followed, and he began to shake his head.

“Nova, I can’t-”

“Please.” Her grip on his neck tightened. “At least until I’m asleep? We don’t have to touch at all.”

He extracted himself from her arms, careful not to hurt her. Her eyes fell. She knew it was too good to even wish for. It was stupid to even ask, and now he was leaving.

The pile of blankets pulled back, and the bed moved from underneath the weight of another person from her other side. Nova looked up at Adrian, fresh tears building in her eyes. She shifted the best she could, trying to give him as much room as possible.

When they were settled, laying facing one another, inches apart, Nova allowed herself to relax. There was a dull pain from being on her side, but she didn’t care. “Thank you,” she whispered, and caught the smallest of smiles on Adrian’s face before her eyes closed. She drifted into a deep sleep.

Hugh and Simon decided to check on Nova the next morning, with news that the Council had come to the conclusion that, based on her past acts of heroism, she didn’t deserve to be arrested. Punished, yes, but not arrested. She deserved a second chance, and they were willing to give it to her.

They went the moment the decision was decided upon, which was early morning, but they knew she wouldn’t be asleep.

They weren’t expecting to be wrong.

When they knocked on her door and received no answer, they opened it and stepped inside. Laying on the bed, tangled together in a mess of blankets and limbs, were Nova Artino and their son, Adrian. They were passed out, with Nova’s face in his chest and his hand cradling her head.

   Hugh and Simon paused, not quite sure of what to say or think of the scene in front of them. They looked at one another, and just shook their heads. Hand in hand, they tiptoed out of the room, making sure that the door closed behind them softly.

   It appeared their son had taken their advice, for once.

   The future was looking bright for Gatlon, and for the world.

[elsaclack]

This is really random but I saw a fic of yours about Amy being sick (I think the prompt was "Amy yells at the Vulture") but I can't find the full piece anywhere. Is it on AO3 anywhere? I love your writing and I completely understand if you just didn't want it out anymore. Just thought I'd ask! :)

i thought it was but i just went and searched my entire work history (including all 70+ chapters of those god-forsaken oneshot collections) and i couldn’t find it anywhere!! i guess i forgot to cross-post it back when i first wrote it, and it got lost when i deleted the original elsaclack. but i just scoured my docs list and found it buried in a random folder so i’ll repost it here and add it to the newest one-shot collection on ao3 :)

fun fact: this was written almost exactly 2 years ago!!! meaning that my writing skills have developed considerably since i actually wrote this. aka please don’t judge me if this seems like a sudden regression haha

also i wanna tag @phil-the-stone-art bc we actually developed the concept of The List together so she’s at least 35% responsible for this fic lmao

under the cut!

Amy Santiago does not get sick, thank you very much. She prides herself on her meticulous nightly hygienic rituals, on the cabinet full of multivitamins and minerals she takes on a daily basis in her bathroom, on the rigorous workout routine and diet she keeps herself on each week to maintain perfect health. She lives her life by a very tight plan (laid out in checklists and carefully organized in color-coded binders) that simply does not afford her any extra time to be sick.

Which is why, when she wakes up one Tuesday morning with a head stuffed full of cotton and violent shivers rolling down her spine, she gets up to start her usual routine in spite of the fact that she feels like she hasn’t actually slept in three weeks. Jake’s still snoring on the other side of the bed, another hour away from getting up to haphazardly dress in whatever flannel he can find lying on her bedroom floor that doesn’t smell too dirty, and he doesn’t even stir at the sound of her shuffling footsteps or running nose.

She drags herself into the bathroom, shuts the door, and flicks the lights on. Her reflection honestly makes her jump back an inch or two; she’s never seen her skin quite so pale, or bruises beneath her eyes quite so dark, or her lips quite so visibly dry and cracked. She reaches out to grip the edges of her sink and realizes that her arms and hands are trembling, and when she leans a bit more weight onto them she notes that her knees are quaking beneath her.

All in all, not a great start to the day.

She presses on, though, ignoring her running nose and congested head and general exhaustion. The shower helps a little, but not much.

When she shuts the water off, she hears Jake moving around in her bedroom, and her heart skips a beat. She hadn’t even realized she’d been in the shower that long. “Jake?” She calls as she wraps a towel around herself. Her voice is coarse and rough.

“Hey,” he knocks lightly at the door. “You okay?”

“Yeah - yeah, could you, um…there’s a binder out on the dining room table, should say something on the cover about that case I was working on last night -” she clears her throat and winces at the sharp pain that responds “- could you grab it and put it in my bag?”

“Sure,” he’s quiet for a moment and Amy’s left to gently rub at her temples with the heels of her hands. “Are you sure you’re okay? You sound awful.”

“I’m…I’m fine.”

But she’s not. Her knees are still quaking and vertigo has suddenly set in and she’s swaying, reaching out to grab the tiled edge of her shower. Her hand slips against the wet surface and she falls forward, shoulder banging painfully into the tiles.

The door swings open and Jake bursts inside in a panic. “Ames? Oh my God!” She suddenly realizes that she’d sunk down to a crouching position upon falling. He kneels next to her, gently pulling her away from the shower and letting her lean heavily into him. Her head falls against his shoulder, forehead pressed to the crook of his neck, and she hears him tut. “You’re burning up, babe,” he says quietly.

“I’m fine,” her voice fails half-way through and she ends up finishing in an unconvincing whisper.

“You’re not going to work today,” he tells her.

“But -”

“You almost fainted just now, Amy. You’re staying home sick today.”

She tries to argue but he pulls her up off the ground, keeping his touch firm and steady should gravity leave her again, and her voice completely dies on the way out of the bathroom. He lets her whisper weak arguments as he steers her gently toward the bed, humming and nodding along as he pulls fresh sweatpants up her legs and eases one of his academy shirts over her head. He pushes back on her good shoulder with just enough force that she lays down and pulls the comforter up to her chin. Her eyelids flutter closed when he presses a kiss against her forehead.

“I’ll tell Captain Holt where you are,” he says quietly. His hand finds hers against the mattress, fingers twisting through hers. “Get some sleep, okay?”

She’s asleep before he even gets out the front door.

A few hours later she’s roused by the sound of her phone vibrating on her bedside table. Sunlight streams in through her window and she squints, disoriented, fumbling around with semi-numb fingers for her phone.

From: Jake PeraltaHow u feelin? Miss u at work. Charles says he’ll bring u goat soup later lol

It hurts to even swallow, and Amy has to work really hard to keep from whining at the splitting headache igniting behind her right eye.

To: Jake PeraltaFeel like garbage. I haev a headache. Im afraid to get out of bed for meds. Miss u too

She waits five minutes for him to respond, and when her phone remains motionless, she closes her eyes and lets it fall against her chest.

Precisely twenty minutes after that, she hears her front door open. It closes again and she hears footsteps crossing her living room and it only just hits her that someone is in her apartment when those footsteps cross the threshold of her bedroom.

“Hey, hey, don’t get out of bed,” Jake says soothingly. Amy falls back against her pillow from her struggling half-sitting up position as Jake drops a plastic grocery bag at the foot of her bed and perches on the edge of the mattress beside her. He replaces her phone back on her bedside table with one hand and smooths his other palm over her forehead (and she only just then realizes that she’s sweating) and grimaces. “You’re still burning up,” he says, running his fingers through her hair just above her forehead.

“I’m fine,” she whispers, and the words slip out between two wet coughs.

He frowns and gently scratches his short nails against her scalp. “I brought Advil,” he says, casting an absent glance over his shoulder at the bag he brought in, “and stuff to make soup. It’s the recipe for Nana’s matzoh ball soup.” She raises her eyebrows beneath his palm and he grins down at her. “Don’t tell Charles, but it’s literally the best soup you’ll ever have and it’ll cure your dumb cold in twenty minutes or less.”

“Promise?”

He leans down and pecks a kiss against her forehead. “Promise,” he says when he leans away. “I’m gonna go make some and bring it in here and you’ll be back on your feet before the end of the day. Peralta Guarantee.” He winks.

She sinks down into the mattress as much as she can when he stands up, opening her eyes only when he comes back in with two Advil tablets and a glass half-full of water. Within minutes she begins hearing pots and pans knock around in her kitchen, and through her cloudy mind she registers that her stomach is rumbling in irritation.

“Alright,” he announces from her doorway. Her eyes split open and he’s carefully balancing the soup bowl on top of her dresser. “I’ll help you sit up, don’t move.”

He pulls her up with one hand and waits until she’s sitting up steadily before hurriedly stacking her pillows up behind her. She breathes a sigh of relief when she leans back, not realizing just how much of a strain sitting up is until that moment. He hurries back to where the soup is still steaming and carefully brings it over to her, the tip of his tongue appearing at the corner of his mouth for how hard he has to concentrate on not spilling any.

He nestles it in her lap, and she smiles, because he looks so proud of himself and he’s really so adorable.

Jake stays with her until she finishes the whole bowl and then he takes her dishes from her and quickly rinses them out in her sink.

“I’ll be back after work to check on you and to finish cleaning that, okay?” He calls from her doorway.

She hums hoarsely and fades out of consciousness.

An hour later, Amy wakes up feeling half-human. Her head and throat still hurt and she still can’t breathe out of her nose, but her brain doesn’t feel quite so fried and her limbs don’t feel quite so weak anymore.

Jake was right - the soup really did help.

Not as much as Nyquil would, but…still.

She kicks the comforter off and moves to sit up, and her phone suddenly falls into her lap from her chest. She pauses, staring at it, trying to remember when it ended up back there. She has no new calls or texts, but when she unlocks the screen, there’s a new note pulled up.

Things i want t odo to jake in bed

Amy feels flames engulf her face that have absolutely nothing to do with her fever. The list has twelve items on it, each one raunchier and riddled with more spelling errors than the last, and by the time she gets to the end of the note she’s covering her face in embarrassment. She’s got just the vaguest memory of typing it (and it’s really more of a dream of a memory than anything else), but none of it will solidify into more than just faint snapshots in her head.

But the more she rereads it, the more heat begins building in her body - heat from the mental images, heat from the germs ravaging her body, heat from the thick comforter still draped over her legs.

She has got to go get some Nyquil.

Santiago Determination blazes through her as she drags herself out of bed, shoulders set and jaw clenched as she pulls one of Jake’s hoodies over her frame and slides her feet into her rarely-worn flip-flops. Part of her feels guilty, knowing that if Jake was the one home sick she’d insist on him texting her anything he needs so that he would stay in bed and recover faster, but she brushes it off as she grabs her purse.

What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?

She blames her scattered brain on the matzoh ball soup later. She blames her compromised detective skills and her lack of attention to detail and her general disorientation on the soup. Because under normal circumstances, no matter how sick she truly is, she would definitely have noticed the Vulture browsing the low aisles of the bodega around the corner from her house immediately upon walking through the front doors.

But as it is, she doesn’t, which means that he gets a visual on her before she’s even aware of being spotted.

She’s so busy perusing the medicine section toward the back that she doesn’t notice him stalking around the shelves, doesn’t feel him peeking around the Doctor Scholl’s cardboard display, doesn’t hear him mutter at a mother and daughter to get out of his way as he follows her ambling walk down the aisle. She isn’t aware of the danger until he’s basically on top of her.

“Yo, Santiago,” he says, his voice low and curdling. She winces and turns slowly, and he’s leaned against the shelves to her left, leering down at her. A handcart hangs between them; it’s full of at least thirty boxes of condoms, she realizes when she glances down. Her stomach shifts unpleasantly. “You look homeless.”

“Get out of the way,” she whispers hoarsely.

“Aw, what’s the matter? Peralta got you screaming so hard every night you lost your voice?”

Heat bursts through her cheeks and she glances back, meeting the scandalized look on that same mother’s face with an apologetic grimace. “Shut up.” She snaps as fiercely as she can.

He smirks, because her voice only comes in bursts. “Damn, you really let yourself go, didn’t you?” His eyes rove her body and she’s suddenly very keenly aware of the fact that she’s not wearing any underwear beneath her sweatpants. She can feel her face blossoming.

“Whatever.” She turns away quickly and digs her phone out of her purse, cursing when she hears the Vulture following her down the aisle. She dials Jake’s number quickly, and he answers after just two rings.

“Hey, is everything oka-”

“I need you go come to the bodega by my apartment,” she whispers. She can feel her hand trembling again and she curses whatever part of her thought it would be a good idea to do this on her own.

“Wait, what? Why are you -”

“I thought I could walk over here and get what I needed without you, but -” she winces at the sound of the Vulture’s laugh, loud and obnoxious behind her. “But I ran into someone and I need you to come save me.”

“Santiago, look - they do make extra-small condoms! Should I put a whole box in for you and Peralta or is that too many?”

She hears a sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. “Is that the Vulture?” He asks quietly.

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes. Do not faint.”

“I’m doing my best, but please hurry.”

Amy starts pacing up and down the aisles, doing her best to block the Vulture out. He trails along behind her, alternating between making lewd sexual innuendos about random items on the shelves they pass (“Everything’s a sex toy if you try hard enough,” while pointing out a plastic broom) and insulting her general appearance (“Y’know, you were much sexier before Peralta dragged you down to his level of ugliness. Just make sure your ass doesn’t get as fat as his”). It’s around the time they make it back to the medicine aisle that he turns to making fun of Jake himself.

“I still can’t believe you’re with that loser,” he laughs as Amy finally swipes a bottle of Nyquil off a lower shelf. She stands up slowly, gripping the shelves above her firmly, as a wave of vertigo hits her once again. “You’re hot as shit usually - not right now, obviously - I bet you could sleep with any guy you want.”

She clenches her jaw and tries to calculate how long it’s been since she hung up with Jake.

“I bet the sex is really boring, too,” the Vulture continues. “I bet it’s all missionary and full of, like, eye-contact and shit. I bet he tells you he loves you because you don’t make fun of his tiny weiner.”

“Okay, y’know what?” She snaps, and suddenly her voice is half back. “First of all, there’s nothing wrong with missionary if you do it right. Secondly, you’re full of crap if you really think eye-contact is boring. Third, you’re right, he does tell me he loves me, because he actually loves me, you sexist pig. And fourth, he’s not tiny.”

“Whatever. He’s a joke, just like you, and I bet the sex sucks and you’re both so bad at it that you can’t even tell that it sucks.”

She knows people are staring, but her brain just isn’t functioning right. She yanks her phone out of her purse and quickly scrolls over to her list. “Jake’s the best sex I’ve ever had, okay? In fact, he’s so good that I made a list!” She shoves her phone in his face and scrolls quickly, grinning in manic triumph at the dumbfounded look on his face. “I made a list of all the things I want to do with him because he’s so unbelievably good. You wish you were as good as him.”

He is, for once, speechless. Amy locks her phone and steps back, smug grin on her face. The Vulture’s eyes flicker to something over her shoulder and she sees the spark of recognition in his face; when she turns, she feels her stomach drop down to her toes.

Jake’s standing at the end of the aisle, looking just as dumbstruck as the Vulture. She gasps, and the sound comes out like a ragged squeak. His mouth is hanging open but his brows draw together at the sound.

“Ja- Jake,” she says hoarsely.

This seems to snap him out of his stupor. His mouth snaps closed and he immediately begins striding down the aisle toward her and there’s something new in his eyes - smug and barely-contained glee, maybe - when he throws his arm around her shoulders. “Hi, honey,” he says, laying a kiss against her temple and pulling the bottle of Nyquil from her grasp. “Let’s get you back in bed.”

“Yeah, well, you’re both a couple of losers!” The Vulture shouts after them. Jake twists around and flashes his middle finger at him and grins into Amy’s hair at the sound of his splutters. “I’m buying thirty-five boxes of condoms!”

“You’re amazing.” Jake murmurs once they’re outside of the store. “But next time, just call me instead of trying to go get stuff on your own. I really don’t mind doing it for you. That’s what boyfriends are for.”

She sinks into the passenger’s seat of his car and sighs in relief; her body is already aching from the exertion of just a lap around the bodega. She feels Jake slide in on the driver’s side, feels the engine roar to life beneath her and the air conditioner tickle across her face. The car lurches a little when he puts it in drive and then his free hand finds hers and interlaces their fingers.

“I’m sorry about…that.” She whispers once he’s pulled away from the curb.

“It’s fine, but I really mean it about calling me next time, okay? ‘Specially since you almost fainted this morning and everything, like, what would’ve happened if you’d fallen and hit your head and they took you to the hospital? They would’ve called Manny and it would’ve taken him three hours to get here and -”

“Wait, no, they’d call you,” she interrupts. “Manny’s not my emergency contact anymore. You are.”

He turns his head toward her and stares.

“I changed it two years ago, Peralta. Way before we started dating. I just figured, y’know, since you’re my partner and everything, you’d be able to get there the fastest. And, besides, that’s not even what I was talking about. I meant…the stuff I said to the Vulture. The list.”

“Oh,” he shrugs. “I don’t really care. The guy’s an ass. I could hear him yelling all the way from the front doors. Besides, you weren’t lying.”

He squeezes her hand a few times in quick succession and she snorts. “So you’re…not mad? About any of it?”

“I’m more curious than anything else. Do I get to look at the list, too? Or is that just between you and the Vulture?”

“I can’t stand you.”

She does let him see it once they’re back to her place. He reads each item carefully three times over without ever saying a word, and then stands and grabs his laptop and a notepad off of her dining room table. When she asks what he’s doing, he responds with a muttered “research” and then promptly tells her to finish her soup.

The night passes in a haze that has nothing to do with the cold or the soup or the medicine, and the next morning she wakes to the sounds of Jake’s congested voice explaining through chest-rumbling coughs that neither he nor Amy would be making it into work that day.

[kimbapwrites]

Ha Sungwoon; vampire au

Member: Sungwoon // Wanna One, Hotshot

Genre: Fluff

Request: I meant Sungwoon but my phone corrected it to sunwoong. I just want a vampire au with him. I can’t believe that happened considering he’s my bias (well tied with Woojin). Sorry that happened!!

A/N: ahhh the classic vampire au,,, they are always so angsty, i tried to make this one more light-hearted :) enjoy!

campus golden boy ong seongwoo’s halloween parties are legendary

he throws one every year, reserving his family hotel’s conference center rich bitch

it tends to get a little wild

girls tend to wear a little less, guys tend to flirt a little more

nearly half the school attends, and everyone goes all out with the costumes

your costume? a cute lil minion

smh i wanna go to a halloween party

you’re wading through the crowd when you trip on someone’s foot and topple forward, reaching out and grabbing someone to keep from falling

that person happens to be one ha sungwoon, who’s dressed as a vampire if you even knew lmao

you’re a bit buzzed yeah ok “buzzed” so instead of apologizing like you would normally, the first thing out of your mouth is “your costume is great!! so convincing!!”

he smiles a toothy grin literally

“are you okay??” he asks, probably because you’re swaying

“are you okay??” you ask, only because his face is suddenly scrunched up

you flash a smile and he shies away

confused, you lean forward

“seriously are you okay?? you look like you’re in pain”

“its- it’s nothing- i just-”

for a moment, this weird look comes over his face, and then he’s back to normal

“i’m fine :)”

you squint confused, but accept his not-so-explanation

the next morning, you wake up with a headache, an aching neck, and the feeling that you’re forgetting something

the headache is from the alcohol

the aching neck? there are these two odd little cuts that explain that, although they shouldn’t be hurting as much as they do

and the feeling of forgetting something? well you can’t figure that out

for the next day and a half, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re forgetting something, but - obviously - you can’t remember what

you spend ages thinking hard about the party, but there seems to be a hole in your memory

you assume it’s due to the alcohol, but since when did alcohol only make you forget one specific chunk of time??

unsettled, you push it out of your mind and completely foget about it until 

unTIL

ha sungwoon!! walks into your morning class two days after the party

and the unexplained little cuts on your neck start burning

and suddenly fragments of your memory start returning, like puzzle pieces

and the longer you stare, the more you recall

by the end of class, you remember everything

like when he got you alone and when he dug his teeth into your neck scandalous and even when he wiped your memory

and when the bell rings, you can’t even stand up in shock that

ha sungwoon is a vampire

a real-life vampire who could probably kill you!!

as he passes your seat, you grab his arm

“i need to talk to you”

a couple minutes later, you stand with your arms crossed in an empty classroom across from a very nevous looking sungwoon

this one’s not too good at hiding his emotions, is he

“i remember everything” you say and his eyes widen

“i,, don’t know what you mean”

“you’re a vampiRE!! and you sucked the blood of an innocent person - me - and then wiped my memory. unsuccessfully, might i add”

he shifts around his seat anxiously

“i’m so sorry,,, i couldn’t help it, your blood scent was so overwhelming and i usually don’t do that-”

“i have one question” you lean forward, eyes narrowed

“what?”

“do you sparkle?”

the look on his face is, to say the least, priceless

“,,, excuse me?”

“you know, like edward - do you sparkle?? also i may have lied, i have more than one question. can you run really fast?? what about mirrors? do you show up in mirrors? and garlic!! can you eat garlic? do you have to be invited into houses??”

he’s all shook cus he thought he was about to be hashtag exposed to everyone

“,,, wait so you aren’t going to blackmail me?”

spoiler alert he never answers your damn questions

“i never said that,,, buy me a soda from the expensive fountain"

and that’s how you become friends with sungwoon

you follow him around like a little puppy with the excuse that “it’s just so weird!! you’re a real vampire!!” to which he almost tackles you so people don’t hear

one day, at the “expensive fountain” which actually isn’t expensive, you’re just poor he asks you something

“why didnt you tell anyone about me? aren’t you scared of me?”

and you’re like lmao bitch pls

“well firstly that’s rude to do, don’t you think? i mean, you’re a person too. or ,,, are you? and secondly, you couldn’t be scary if you tried”

he’s not getting emotional OFC NOT :’)))) ok maybe he is but shh his ego is fragile he must pretend to be manly

just when he’s about to say something back, he collapses in your arms

and after panicking for a minute, you end up dragging him to the nearby infirmary

when he finally wakes up, you’re prepared to scold him, but then decide not to after all

“what happened?? are you sleep deprived?” and then it dawns on you “oh wait,,, you haven’t slept in like 4 centuries,,,”

he giggles “i can sleep!! i just don’t need to,”

“i knew that” you nod “but seriously - what happened?? one minute you were fine and the next i’m dragging your unconscious body down a hallway”

he lets out a small sigh, sitting up in the infirmary bed

“i don’t know… i think i’m malnourished,,”

“but i just saw you eat a– oH,,, like,,, you need blood?”

he nods solomnly and after a moment of silence, an idea pops into your head 

“why don’t you drink my blood?”

and he’s like “wAiT wHaT i cAnT dO tHaT”

“yes you can!! think about it: you said my blood scent was like,, really great or something. and it’s not like you have anyone willing to be your personal blood bag,,,”

“i don’t know,,,”

“i’ll just think of it as a donation for a good cause,” you grin

he thinks about it for a while, but eventually (and reluctantly) he agrees

“fine - but just this once”

well once turns into twice, and two times turns into four times, and soon it’s every week

you don’t mind too much, you just feel a bit lightheaded afterward

admittedly, having cuts in your wrist that are reopened every week isn’t fun, but you’re glad to help

you and sungwoon become closer and closer, and he answers any questions you have about vampires

(no, they don’t sparkle)

(yes, you can see them in mirrors)

(it’s only a mild garlic allergy)

but one day, you reach the topic of memory wiping

and you find out there’s no way you should be able to remember what happened that night

even sungwoon claims he doesn’t know why

well, you have a teensy secret

and that is that your grandma knows about vampires

you didn’t believe what you thought were her crazy ramblings, until now

one day when she’s knitting on her front porch, you approach

“say grandma,,, you know how you believe in vampires?”

“mm,”

“well hypothetically, if they were real, would they be able to wipe humans’ memories??” “of course!! a human should never dabble in the affairs of the supernatural, since they could wipe any and every memory you have”

“so… what would it mean if the human could remember the memories the vampire supposedly wiped?? hypothetically, of course”

she looks up from her knitting with a cocked eyebrow

“that would mean the human is the vampire’s mate… but why are you asking?”

you plaster a smile on your face

“no reason!! i was just curious, since you seem so convinced they’re real :)))”

“you didn’t, by chance, encounter a vampire, did you?”

“whAT nO!! hahaha they aren’t real, how could i encounter one hahaha,,, i’ve got a class i have to get to!! i’ll see you later, grandma!!”

grandma sees through your shit, reader

you suck at lying

it’s only after you escape from grandma’s suspicious gaze that you fucking REALIZE

“that would mean the human is the vampire’s mate”

“the human is the vampire’s mate”

“vampire’s mate”

and you’re like “!! wait but i don’t like sungwoon like that!!”

… okay maybe you do

but only little bit!! it’s more of a budding attraction, barely even a “crush”

definitely not a “let’s spend all of eternity together”

fast forward to the next time he feeds off of you

why is it that when you know about feelings, they get stronger - i??

a pink tinge colors your cheeks when his fingers gently take hold of your wrist

and when he looks up (thankfully with no blood running down his chin), he frowns

“why is your face red?? are you sick?”

this only causes you to flame up more

“iTS JUST A LITTLE WARM IN HERe”

“really?? i didn’t notice,,,,”

you’re embarrassingly awkward for the next couple of days, and end up avoiding him more than once

and his confused and slightly hurt expression every time you run away sends a pang of guilt through your whole body but

can anyone blame you???

i mean

you’re friends with a vampire one day and the next you’re his “mate”

what does that even mean??

you’re destined to make his babies??

can vampires even have babies??

the ones in the vampire diaries can’t

maybe you shouldn’t get your vampire info from tv shows though

just as your internal ramblings start to get out of hand, a hand on your shoulder rips you out of your trance

“y/n!”

you jump half a foot

“oh! um - hi sungwoon!!”

“why’ve you been avoiding me?”

“what? i,,, haven’t been avoiding you,,,”

“is that why you run away every time you see me?? do i scare you?? did you finally realize that i’m a–”

“nO - listen,,, it’s just,,, i found out something,,,”

“what did you find out,,,?”

“well,,, you know how your memory wipe didn’t work on me??”

you go on to explain that your grandmother knows about the existence of vampires, and you never believed her until now

and that you asked her about what it means if a vampire unsuccessfully wipes the memory of a human

“and,,, she said,,, it would mean,,,,”

“it would mean what??”

“it would mean,,,, i’m your ,,,,, m a t e”

you stare at each other awkwardly for a couple seconds

“,,, i know.”

your eyes almost fall out of their sockets and you lean against a desk for support

“you - you knEW???”

“i’m a vampire, of course i knew”

“why didn’t you tell me??”

“because i knew you’d react like this,,,, you obviously don’t like me, so it wasn’t worth it.”

“wait - are you saying you,,,, you have feelings for me?”

“,,,, why else do you think the memory wipe didn’t work?? i’ve been in love with you since i first saw you, last year”

you are the definition of

SHOOK™

“sungwoon, i’ve literally never met anyone as stuPID as you,,,, i like you too!! why do you think i’ve been avoiding you!!!”

and that’s how you started dating a vampire

it doesn’t suck as much as you thought it would

;)

[aquarianlights]

Sorry if I ask ... but what does it mean that your birth control implant is failing at you? Is your period back?

Yes. My period is back af. . .like. . .don't wanna be graphic and shit but TRIGGER WARNING(tm), I'm like full on gushing blood and moody af and having psychotic episodes and suicidal ideation is back and so are my urges to cut myself despITE THE FACT THAT I HAVEN'T TOUCHED MY PSYCH MED DOSAGES AT ALL and like headaches af and either tons of sleep or no sleep AND either tons of hunger or no hunger. ALSO life altering cramps that make me unable to get out of bed and like....clots af. It fucKING SUCKS. LIKE KILL ME. JK NO REALLY KILL ME. Uhmmmm......hahaha. Idk. Sorry.But anyways. . .my nexplanon is about to expire in October of this year coz this the 3 year mark but. . .it's not October yet??? Like damn, fam. No chill. :/ Idk if I can get another one coz of an insurance change I recently had (my insurance paid for the last one) but like I don't wanna take it out until I can get a new one put in??? Coz then they'd have to slice my inner arm open twice??? I guess. Idk. But I really need a new one coz this is NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN HOLY FUCK like I got in a baaaaaaaaaaaaad fight with an older family member at a party (I mean older as in she's like at least 45 if not 50+) about pit bulls and accidentally said "It's because of biased people LIKE YOU that insurance rates go up when you adopt a pit bull" coz we were talking about the ridiculous insurance rate thing associated with pitties and she started full on SCREAMING AT ME LIKE "YOU'RE GOING TO INSULT ME IN MY OWN HOME??? MY OWN KITCHEN??? DON'T YOU DARE. YOU ARE PSYCHOTIC (yes she literally used that word) AND YOU HAVE NO RESEARCH AND-" at that point I stopped listening coz I went to my phone to pull up all the research and scholarly articles on this shit coz I've done this before coz I've met someone else who thinks pit bulls are evil and cruel and mean af MERELY BECAUSE THEY ARE PIT BULLS and like I had to be all "here's all this knowledge and research and statistics. You good now, fam??" But like no this lady was just fuckin straight up going off on me because apparently it matters to old people where you argue and arguing in the kitchen is nOT OKAY. Lmao. BUT LIKE the second I turned my phone around to show her some research and point out some good facts and statistics, she walked out the door and was like "You know, it's called agreeing to disagree. You should respect your elders." Like. . .I had only met her 2 times before very briefly so I didn't wanna outright tell her that respect is earned, not given, and that she hasn't done a single thing to deserve my respect yet and stating your job as an ER nurse who has "dealt with dog bites a lot" as a fact and a statistic and like. . .a source??? That's certainly not going to make me respect you. I mean. . .fuck. And even though she was in the wrong for straight up yelling at me and jabbing her finger in my chest and getting all red in the face when I had accidentally said something that I was only supposed to say in my head as an impulsive thought (coz I have no filter whoOPS) and was about to apologize for it and then walking out the door and ignoring any real research on the subject......EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS COMPLETELY IN THE WRONG, my mom is being a literal bitch lately because she's taking all her stress out on me and she was SCREAMING AT ME to apologize when we got home and telling me how disrespectful I am and how immature and all this other shit and basically straight up degrading me and then said "You never apologize first so you're immature." And I was about to list EVERY SINGLE INSTANCE where I have apologized to her over and over and over again throughout my life when she had done something terrible to me and came back in the house/room/car and just acts like NOTHING HAPPENED even if I'm crying and cutting myself or have a handful of pills that I'm about to take coz I'm self destructive af....when I realized that she would do the usual "I don't remember that" or "You're remembering it wrong" thing like literalfam do you want me to start video taping this shit??? Sometimes I get scared she's having dementia episodes because of how old she is and she's "at that age", so to speak, and she screams at me that I'm putting words in her mouth when I remember things....traumatic things.....100% clearly and accurately but then she goes back to acting like nothing ever happened. SO THE POINT IS lmao I'm so sorry run on sentence and no punctuation....SO THE POINT IS.....I just ignored my mom screaming at me and texted my cousin a VERY BRIEF apology to show my family member that she happened to be staying with and also told her I would apologize to her in person the next time I saw her and told her that yeah it was just an agree to disagree thing EVEN THOUGH IT'S NOT BECAUSE AS AN ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST I AM NOT OKAY WITH PEOPLE BEING BIASED ABOUT PITTIES COZ THEY'VE BEEN "BITTEN BY ONE BEFORE" or just is ignorant af coz like then you're hurting people and SHE WAS LITERALLY LIKE "I don't like yorkies either. Every time they nip at my feet or jump on me, I kick them till they tumble backwards and stay away from me." And then she was like "I mean, if my dog bit someone, I would be like sorry. But at the same time, people who have pit bulls that run all over the place and bite people and such SHOULD have higher taxes and...." God she just went on and on and on and she LITERALLY CALLED ME PSYCHOTIC and that hasn't happened in a good minute, but as a person with an actual psychotic disorder, I was lowkey like "yo......not cool. Chill the fuck out, dude." But at the same time, I was about to fucking cry because a) yelling gives me bad anxiety and sometimes flashbacks, b) BEING IN THE PRESENCE OF IGNORANCE, c) being unable to debate and present my facts clearly coz she was too busy yelling and pointing fingers and d) being called psychotic like YOOOOOO I WAS ABOUT TO GO KILL MYSELF BEFORE THAT GUY CAME AND INTRODUCED HIMSELF AND MADE MY NIGHT 200% BETTER. lmao.But....uh.....what was my point here??? I GUESS my point was that THIS IS ONLY ONE OF MANY EXAMPLES OF WHAT CAN HAPPEN WHEN I'M ON MY PERIOD. Coz....I am 201% chill af and like at least 100% nonconfrontational coz confrontation scares the fuck out of me since I'm a trans guy and people have pulled guns on me for being trans...so I'm like yo...white people....are you gonna pull guns on me for expressing my "liberal ass opinions"??? But when I'm on my period, I have 0% chill and I am always angry or laughing till I cry. . .so like. . .the second I heard something that angered me (angery), I didn't give a fuck that we were in a room full of people. Like, I called that bitch out.Same with one of my many uncles saying the slur word for Chinese people. I legit was like "YO PLEASE DON'T BE FUCKING RACIST" and he was really embarrassed coz yknow he's old and white and he never gets called out on that shit coz people are generally like OLD PEOPLE GET A PASS FOR BEING RACIST COZ THAT'S JUST HOW IT USED TO BE AND THEY ARE OLD AND NEVER GOING TO CHANGE SO WHY BOTHER??? FREE PASS. 🙂 And I'm.....no. I don't ever ever everrrrrrrr let people be racist without calling them out on that shit and correcting them to the POLITICALLY CORRECT TERM(tm). Coz that's just how I am.But damn I have no chill at all when I'm on my period so I get into a lot of fights and the last time I had a period about 2 years ago, I threw a chair through a window and broke it, punched a mirror with brass knuckles and shattered it, and used the broken glass to carve words into my thighs and just straight up slash my arms and wrists till I felt better (aka lightheaded af). So like.......dude. I've also been in psychosis because of my period before in my teen years so like Idk if I've hit psychosis yet but??? If this doesn't stop soon, I'm gonna have YET ANOTHER trip to a psych ward and this time no one will let me out coz it will be a state ward. #rip #tragicBut if it doesn't stop within the next week (which will be week 2 of my period), we are going to get me in with an obgyn up here and see what's going on.Like it might not be "broken"; It might just be out of hormones/time to get a new one. But since it's supposed to last till October and this is my first nexplanon, Idk how I should react to getting a period at this moment when October is at least a couple months away. ://////Fuck me. Haha. Idkkkkkkk tbh. BUT I'M SORRY TO BE SO GRAPHIC, FAM. LIKE YO I'm real sorry but you asked so??? I mean. I hope that answers your question and I'm legit sorry to get sidetracked as fuck on ranting about stuff but you should know by now that that's just how I be. Lol. #ihavenofilterBut damn. Okay. My hand hurts from typing on my phone literally ALL DAYYYYYYYY so I'm gonna go to sleep now. G'night.((((Also sorry if this makes no sense. I'm wayyyyyyy higher than I usually am. I mixed a hella amount of different drugs and a small amount of liquor tonight.))))

[spacemomalex]

after catching myself up on some much needed chill time, I had some more thoughts about that necromancer au! One of these days I’ll write ficlets for it but for now I had some more Thoughts

 Red, being a demonic spirit in origin, is a very powerful spirit of Passion. Mostly negative such as anger, wrath, but once she and Keith come to an agreement (Namely, ‘let me out of here and I’ll help you fight the fae’ ‘... okay fine but if you try anything I’m throwing you in a lake’ ‘hissing noises’) she starts showing off a more fun side too. She’s literaly hot all the time, like about to burst into flames hot, and colored in shades of red, orange, and yellow. Those the eyes are a deep blue and the tips of her are black like soot. Doo not pet because her fur is harsh like pumice rock.

 Once they do bond Red is like ‘anybody hurts my kit so help me’ and keith isn’t sure to feel about being adopted by a demon but okay. He can roll with this.

 Her abilities lend strength to Keith, already his raw power behind his magic is amazing, but she practically doubles it. And gives him access to fire magic, which he previously did not have because his magic wasn’t elemental. It takes a while for him to get to the point where he can actually control the flow of magic, but until then its for emergencies only because it leaves him feeling seared from the inside out. 

 Like mentioned previously, Red knows about Keith’s feelings for Shiro/Lance, and at first attempts to set him up to stumble around his feelings for them. But later on genuinely wants him and Lance to get together because as cool as shiro is, he likes somebody else. Even if her methods leave something to be desired.

 Red is the second most vain of the lions, also has some nasty scars that she loves to show off. A bit of a mischief maker, she loves to pull pranks on the group- but especially keith. Mostly harmless stuff like leaving ash all over the place or charring things (like his food before he can eat it). The other lions find it hilarious.

Blue, being a water cat, is either some sort of forgotten deity or nymph. Either way, her tail is a tail fin and girl has gills and lots of scales. As a water spirit, she is connected to dreams. Day dreams, hallucinations, nightmares, sleep in general dreams. Her scales can reflect soft rainbow colors and you can get lost in the colors probably. 

When Blue and Lance bond, her magic gives Lance the ability to walk into dreams and influence them. Channeling magic through his crystals allow him to cause hallucinations while people are awake too. At first, he often accidentally enters dreams of the others while chatting with Blue at night, but as he learns to control it he helps combat their nightmares without them knowing. And, of course, allows him to open up to water magic.

She’s the most open with her magic of course. She and Lance bond soooo quickly. However her temper is icy, and Lance makes sure to be super duper extra thoughtful. Though he would have done that anyway. And the one that hurts lance, lmao have fun with those drowning nightmares.

She is more than capable of detecting Lance’s attraction to Keith, but doesn’t actually do anything about it other than mention in pasing ‘hey keith looked good in that fight, you should say something’ and it ends up back firing more often than not oops. Later she and red conspire to get these dumb kits to get together.

As the most laid back of the Lions, she rarely gets involved with things the others are doing. Mostly she just watches and enjoys the show. Though she does love her bath times when Lance douses her in water and cleans her scales like a good boy.

Green is definitely a fae spirit herself. Possibly one that decided to let go of her physical form out of curiosity for what lay in the world f the dead, or died through unnatural means and now wishes to find her way back because she actually wasn’t done yet. As a spirit of the fae, and therefore, life itself, Green has some control over plant life and can influence other fae or beings similar in nature to fae. And, thanks to pidge, has armor to house her energy. Made mainly of green emerald and trees turned into stone through soaking.

For their bond, Green gives Pidge the ability to assert some control over basic lifeforms and the ability to sense the connections that run through all living things. Possibly also can use little pied piper magic on other fae when in need. Before Pidge could use it everyone had Pidge swear up and down never to actually use it unless the situation was dire. As for the seeing connections, Pidge gets headaches often from trying to see too much at once.

Green loves to talk philosophy and other scientific theologies with Pidge, often to the point where neither of them get any rest for a while. The others have too keep a close eye on them, with Hunk doing his best to help take some of the burden when Pidge needs to sleep.

Green is usually right next to Red when leading the charge into fun times and mischief. As the most curious lion, she is ready to explore and drag everyone down along with her. Pidge is always up for diving bombing into the unknown so good for them. Though Green does allow pidge to solve her own problems, she will offer advice and remain out of things until asked otherwise.

The yellow lion I think I said was already an earth spirit. The smol floof itty bitty thing. But she weighs like, as much as a fucking mountain literally hunk is the first to pick her up in nearly a thousand years. See, actual mountain spirit, in the shape of a stone cat. That cat is perfectly furless and instead feels like the smoothest stone when pet. Only those Yellow deems worth can move her.

Yellow gives Hunk access to earth magic, and also gives him a connection to special stones. He can see what stones Lance can use that will be the best for the job, and the magical properties of cursed objects as well as increasing his Sight with his cursed eye.  She also has the ability to get as big as a mountain, but she likes being pocket sized.

Her bond with Hunk has been the first bond with anyone she’s ever met. She was in the market pace because she is but a smol curious bean rock who didn’t realize being outside of her home mountain would suck so much. She gets tired easily even inside her mountain so to be in such a fast paced world of organic beings is exhausting. But Hunk is nice, he makes sure she gets to relax in quiet slow places.

Sleep sleepy Yellow is less laid back than simply unwilling to move. As the slowest and kindest of the lions, Yellow tries to be supportive without being in the way. She will move when the situation requires- such as lumbering after Red and Green when they get into trouble- but until then she prefers sitting on Hunk and rumbling like a mountain. Also is the mom friend of the group I can’t be convinced out of this.

Black less a spirit than a mythical creature, being a sphinx and whatnot. Still, as a creature of wisdom, intelligence, cunning, grace and all other badass overpowered mythical creature amazingness, she of course gets captured by zarkon. She has a physical form without any real spiritualness beyond the magic she wields. And her fur is completely black with multi colored strands here and there, actually could be classified as a calico if you really wanted. The wings are white tho.

She, as a being of the mind, gives Shiro insights into the psyche of others. She shows weak points of the mind and body and battle strategy beyond that of anything less than a god. She also is the only lion capable of flight, and gives Shiro access to magic for both Light and the air. She is also the only lion that can influence spirits and speak to others telepathically, through her magic, all five lions can connect together and aid their chosen warriors with greater abilities and control than they could alone.

Originally Zarkon went to her and offered a partnership, with former king Alfor, and she was willing to offer some advice and lend her aid because Zarkon seemed to be good for it. But later, when the darkness settled in, he betrayed her trust and she was placed under restraints to serve him. Shiro later frees her from those chains (no living being could remove them, but an undead can lol) and when she demanded to know what he wanted, Shiro only said that he didn’t want anything. She was free to go. Since then she decided to lend her aid to Shiro, but expects his respect, which he freely gives.

The other lions give her the utmost respect, since she’s the strongest. She has won their respect and admiration- even Red’s- and does her best to give her sisters in arms the leader they deserve.Still, she also keeps her distance from them, still uncertain about trusting any creature. Though she allows the other paladins, especially keith and hunk, close enough to help her when Shiro is unable. Though she comes around to their family bond surprisingly quickly.