#like knowing he wasnt really able to promote it all that much bc he was doing supe/rm promos at the same time makes me so ghdjfhsghsgs

[vampyretaemin]

i love watching older videos where taemin is talking about criminal. he Knows how good it is and hes so proud if it. criminal you will always be that bitch

[dlstmxkakwldrlarchive]

Ok thank you for saying that abt okm solo careers bc it doesn’t make any sense at all when ppl compare them. For one when jongtae debuted the industry and sm were completely diff than when onminkey did, both in terms of production and promotion choices as well as what audiences wanted. shinee were already approaching senior status but were still young and had a lot of untapped potential.

And honestly taemin specifically was pushed in a certain way, I know taemints hate when you imply that he’s ever gotten special treatment bc loll but at least back then he was their million dollar baby. plus jongtae were at diff stages artistically and personally 10 years ago so ofc they had a diff range of options than onminkey, who debuted closer to enlistment and with the freedom of a renegotiated contract

also if you didn’t know they were in the same group all five of them are in different niches both musically and conceptually and don’t overlap that much in terms of general public appeal imo.

anyway i just count it lucky that they’re all amazing soloists on their own terms and also put 110% into shinee too

honestly we also need to take to account that esem doesn't like it when the artist gets bigger than the agency and thats why a lot of their senior groups (esp their ggs) get disbanded without getting disbanded after their busier years and if they're still able to promote they aren't getting the same opportunities or promo as the younger groups not only for group stuff but also solo. while shinee were kinda of old as a group and exo had debuted too, jongtae had the opportunity to be promoted fully as solo artists when they debuted, like esem wasnt trying to sell you shinee jjong and taem, they were selling you yk them (not saying jongtae were trying to isolate themselves from the group btw!) and as a consequence they kinda treat them as rookie idols and promoted them at 100% /for esem standards ofc / and make their talent known.

okm debuts are hmmmmm. its true that they don't have to prove anything as idols, like we all know they can sing and dance but we know they can do it in a group not as solo so i think them being branded as senior group stopped a bit their career bcs they weren't able to promote in variety shows abt music or just yk chill shows or festivals or fashion events (like its crazy they sent nct dudes to those over kb but 😔) & be known for xy talent bcs they aren't 'new faces'. like idrc abt music shows wins or streaming numbers but if we need to talk abt it they're 2nd gen artists and i think 3rd & 4th gen fanbases have a different fandom culture from the old ones which makes them stream and vote like crazy so its also abt the debut/cb timing

the thing abt tm is... yeah its true that he used to be their golden child but sigh... theres this thing snsd sooyoung said once in an interview that even if snsd did well & reached new records etc the only thing the members used to get back was more work not freedom or yk and this kind of applies to tm too like i get why no one really brings up him being the esem favorite bcs it didnt feel like it, like he was the first to debut but he never got a proper world tour under esem, his solo promo got sidelined bcs of superm and if we talk abt promoting his music esem did the bare minimum ❌️ but still he got more opportunities! like there was a period where jinkibum used to do nothing like no drama no musicals no mc just nothing which is crazy

[randombubblegum]

When do you think awsten really started to change? Like right after Fandom? I haven’t been a fan long enough to see the change, I just know he’s more annoying than ever and he makes fans mad. I’m surprised I’m still here 💀

I also don’t understand why he said in an interview that he’s doing so much better than he was prior to GH, yet I feel like GH has way more references to self-hatred and death than any of their other albums. I get his whole “fake it ‘til you make it” mentality regarding his confidence, but I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake, and I’m sure other fans feel the same way. I know this is probably old news especially since GH has been out for almost a year now, but I’ve only recently started watching their interviews, recent and old, and I really do see a big difference

its hard to say exactly but id put him Changing For The Worse actually BEFORE fandom, like in early 2019? thats when he fell in with super annoying nasty twitter funnymen™ in la and it made him a JACKASS. like SUCH an asshole holy shit it was awful. hes cut all of them off now (with dog girl being the last to go actually lol) but the very observable change in how he acted online from “funny chaos-loving endearing jokester” to “self-absorbed asshole with mean jokes and cruel clapbacks” happened shortly after he befriended elijah daniel and company.

and then THAT comically self-aggrandizing attitude carried him through fandom and only snowballed from there….. before fandom he used to joke with otto and geoff like “WATERPARKS IS THE RICHEST BAND IN THE WORLD WERE SOOO RICH” and it was funny bc they were clearly an up and coming band so it wasnt like that!! but it was so endearing and funny you couldnt help but root for them!!!! but then when fandom era hit awsten was like…. not kidding anymore about wanting to be rich and famous and the vibe shifted noticeably. the whole “i want a big house i want nice things” motif mixed with the “its the FANS fault i dont have those, they wont let me be successful like i could if i were a rapper” kind of……. like entitlement isnt exactly the right word, but something close to it, started coming through.

fandom was honestly NOT an insightful or good commentary on fandom itself but it rly set the stage for awsten to be a huge self-centered braggart lol….. all this whining about how his fans like him too much or not enough, dont respect the boundaries online he actively rewards them for breaking, how hes not rich enough, etc etc all started there imo. and fandom did better than any album before it, partly because hopeless records put a lot of work into its promotion and partly because they were doing so well touring after entertainment….

and then it all fell apart honestly. awsten channeled the same shit but worse for gh and kept getting nastier and nastier with his attitude. like interviews are really the best way to judge this for yourself and i think youll see EXACTLY what im talking about when you do: they went from being cute funny character showcases of all the members, awsten cheerful and friendly and cracking jokes, to like….. awstens the only one talking. awsten going on about how great he is. awsten saying his music is the best in the world with no hint of joking exaggeration. geoff and otto go from being silent in the background to just not being there at all. it fucking sucks and i think its VERY clear why so many fans feel upset and let down when u watch the interviews all together

as for the last part of your ask yeah i think awsten is way worse off mentally and emotionally in the gh era than he was even during fandom. hes always had this self-aggrandizing overly confident abrasive persona he puts on to, yknow, be able to perform while also shielding himself from vulnerability, and thats normal. everyone used to like it even, since it was so clear he was puffing his chest up and faking it till he made it. now its become impossible to determine where the asshole braggart narcissistic persona STOPS and awsten the real person STARTS…… and the absolute worst part of all of this is that, based on how he treats his friends and partners when the cameras are off, it might not end at all. they legit might be one and the same at this point

[angeloncewas]

yeah i totally agree with what you said about satire and schlatt basically taking the easy way out. it seems like since that video he's kinda eased back from doing that shit, either bc the backlash or bc his friends have started verbally calling him out on it, both to his face and through making comments about him on stream (comments as in like saying they dont agree with what he did and saying they thought that video was terrible, not like them shading him or whatever ajsksk) which is good but also i wouldnt be surprised if something like that video happened again just bc like. it is his career and at this point he has to know what his larger fanbase is like to an extent, which means he also knows those terrible fucking jokes will make him money. i dont like that, but im also not gonna sit around and pretend like i cant see the fucking obvious, ya know? from what ive seen of him when he's not putting on a show for his main channel, or when he isnt around people who both encourage and enable his bad behavior (not saying this to shift blame, ive just noticed how he goes from making actually funny jokes that are harmless or, at most, a pretty obvious example of him poking fun at shitty people, at least imo, to like. straight up just being offensive when he's with people like swagger, miz, etc. vs ted, charlie and so on), he seems like a pretty good guy and its pretty clear to me that he doesnt hold the same views as the character he plays up for his main channel but that doesnt change the fact that his audience is now full of the worst kinds of people and that is how he makes money.

as someone who, again, watched idubbbz, as well as filthyfrank, they both stated they were playing characters and they didnt agree with the shit they were joking about, joji especially, but them saying that isnt very well known by even their own fanbase who just watches their main channel stuff, bc the one video where joji made that explicitly clear what he was doing, he later deleted for people harassing him in the comments (it was an old ass video where he basically said that playing those characters was giving him literal health problems, specifically stress induced seizures, and his comments were so bad that he never made an ooc video on his main channel again) and the one video i can think of where ian explicitly said he was playing a character was like an hour long podcast with h3, which most people dont even wanna watch bc it is a painfully uncomfortable one hour, considering the fact that they are supposed to be friends. besides that, the only other time they were really out of character was in vlogs with maxmoefoe, and they still did their offensive bits from time to time bc it was still going up on youtube, even if it wasnt their main channel. compare that to schlatt who has, as far as i know, never explicitly said he's playing a character, and the closest he has gotten to saying that was in some weekly slap video that i cant remember the title of bc all those videos kinda blend together if im being honest. like they definitely show a different, better side of him, but they are also all really short videos with only gameplay to watch and he never even promotes the channel, so its not like the shitty people watching him are like "hm time to take some time out of my day to go watch big man schlatt give people advice and be a genuine person for once", right?

idk. schlatt is just such a weird person for me bc like. he is a big comfort for me, i really do enjoy his content when he's not making bad stabs at satire (bc sometimes he does it right!! but a lot of the time, at least recently, he has just missed the mark entirely, to the point where it feels like he wasnt even trying to hit the mark at all), but he is also so uncomfortable to watch sometimes just bc he seems to either not know where the line is, or thinks crossing it is okay bc its him playing a character and that's not fun to watch as a minority who often ends up being apart of that "punchline".

that aside tho...yes, unfortunately idubbbz does still make content (and i say unfortunately bc it is not very good) though it seems like he is very slow to upload and last i checked, the views arent too great, but ive seen worse. probably the only thing that could bring back his views at this point would be a content cop, but like a year or so back he said he has no plans of continuing the series bc he finds it boring now, which is fair enough. i dont really keep up with him anymore, but as far as i know, he just got married to anisa and he streams on twitch sometimes, besides that the dude is a mystery to me!

—🦷 (also im sorry if this is formatted weird, for whatever reason tumblr has indented each of my paragraphs with one of those grey line thingys and it wont let me remove it. if it doesnt show up in the actual ask then ignore this!)

This is kind of old now (sorry), but I still wanted to respond because I really appreciate your perspective :)

> I always wonder how people not involved in the fandom view Schlatt. Because wasn't there this thing about Hasan genuinely thinking that he was conservative? And like he obviously doesn't now, but does that not impact how he sees him and his content? I don't mean to dictate friendships - of course - I'm just curious as to the impact of having that audience from an outsider pov. I remember being shocked what that thing happened with the pdp fan, but I later found that many people weren't because they knew the nature of the audience he cultivated; maybe I'm just stupid, I had no idea. (Not that Schlatt and pdp are the same, it's just a loose comparison.)

> No one should face harassment, but I doubt Joji deleting that video helped his case. (I mean ig it worked out in the long term considering everything that happened with his music, but yk.) I'm very sorry for the health problems he faced with the characters themselves though. I don't know much about him but that sounds awful.

> I have thoughts on The Weekly Slap, but I think they make me sound bitter and don't add much so just know that they're there ajfdkjdf. I will say that he doesn't seem like "Jschlatt" in them, and moreso just a guy. I know that he quit it for a number of reasons and one of them was not being comfortable with that kind of connection in relation to his increasing fame, but honestly I think his complete dislodgement from his fanbase isn't healthy either.

> I mean, I get it. I've watched a lot of content from a lot of people - ranging from kind of unpleasant to very unsavory - and it's kind of a weird feeling with YouTube and Twitch stuff. Idk it's like - when I go to the grocery store, I'm not wondering if the guy checking my things out is a racist. When I see a commercial, I don't wonder if that guy advertising chicken nuggets is a secret creep. But with content creation of this kind, it's just a weird thought in the back of my mind. I don't know if this makes sense lmao

> Weird that Idubbz finds content cop "boring." I guess the formula is kind of stale and half of the content was the edge, but it seems like the kind of thing that'd be perfect to capitalize off of around now. Cool that he got married... I think. I mean if he's happy ???

> Don't mind the formatting, and sorry to respond like WAY past when this conversation was relevant T_T. I read it right away but the timing got off with actually being able to type stuff out.

[yibuo]

UMMM I would love to know what exactly happened with xnine too if you know??

i didn’t know how to answer this without hating on long danni but... that’s not possible when you’re talking about xnine

CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG IN ANY WAY @ DIMPLES AND CFANS

tldr ceo addicted to producing survival shows realizes boy group is incapable of feeding her fat rabbit because of her OWN mismanagement and throws them away (literally? probably not, maybe, idk)

HOLY SHIT THIS BECAME RLY LONG IM BEGGING KEEP READING TO WORK LO LOL LOL

long danni= wjjw company ceo

wjjw=company that xnine, xz, r1se, etc are under

huo mala: fat company rabbit that WILL give u nightmares goodness gracious thinking about him sends chills down my spine

alright so long danni (ldn i will refer to her) & ee media along w/ tencent and sm made the survival show x-fire... the premise of xfire was that 16 contestants split into two different teams (white and red) and then at the end it would boil down to each team having 4 members and the winning team would debut as a group called xfire...but wait...the group’s name is xnine? so out of red team (peng chuyue, baishu, xiao zhan, xia zhiguang) and white team(wu jiacheng, gu jiacheng, zhao lei, and guo zifan) white team won...and they unofficially debuted as xfire..went abroad to train yadda yadda yadda and then a few months later, TELL ME WHY LONG DANNI DECIDES TO RELEASE POLLS TO LET FANS VOTE IN 5 MEMBERS INTO XFIRE TO CREATE XNINE! ldn PLEASE if u wanted to rig the show you should’ve decided in the beginning what was the point of making the teams and the fans fight against each other...

so yeah xz and crew weren’t actually supposed to debut according to show rules...i mean i’m glad they debuted obviously bc x9 is x9 but ee media and frickin ldn couldve handled this better...like every member except chen molerat is amazing and great but....WHY DIDNT MaNAGEMENT NOT BLATANTLY RIG THEM INTO THE GROUP

but also thank u ldn for also letting us get to know the 4 guys who were added n not chen molerat <3 but like DO UR JOB PROPERLY

anyway the polls were RIGGED obviously thanks ldn what did u expect out of making POLLS, and xiao zhan, peng chuyue, xia zhiguang, yan xujia, and chen z*** were added to the group to create xnine...talk about rigged when chen z*** the molerat lookin turdface misogynist was added... anyway at the time he wasnt known to be problematic but ya the whole rigging thing caused a whole rift esp when x9 debuted bc there were fanwars and death threats initially but xfire did well because it was one of the (if not only) survival shows at that time and x9 debuted w/ a good response etc

then they got moved to wjjw (still owned by ldn thanks ldn) and wjjw is known for hoarding artists and not promoting them (THEY HAVE LIKE 45 ARTISTS BUT WERE FORMED 3 YEARS AGO MAKE IT MAKE SENSE) and not being promoted properly was EXACTLY what happened to xnine. as idols what they needed was music promotions, variety shows, etc stuff to get them as people out there but this genius ldn decided to promote them through stupid zodiac dramas like super star academy (to promote xfire finalists) and oh my emperor (which was an xnine drama). now i haven’t watched OME, but SSA gave me enough brain rot and gunk for me to not watch OME. (the only person who could act was baishu), and the story was SO BAD. nevermind the acting, because the boys weren’t initially slated to be actors, but the story was horrible, girl without superpowers suddenly becomes white cult goddess at the end??? WHAT???????? why didn’t ldn just promote them normally !!!!!! are they an actor group or an idol group???? I LOVE XNINE, THEY ARE TALENTED ARTISTS !!!! and eventually some went into acting (xz, guo zifan, gu jiacheng) BUT WAS THAT THE TIME DLFNJNF and then they just kept getting sent into random dramas and movies as random side characters instead of being able to make music and promote????? i’m sorry i’ve been stuck on using dramas to promote x9 for a while because that’s such a SILLY IDEA *vigorously shakes head* 

ldn knows how to do survival shows but she doesn’t know how to promote her artists thanks ldn. xnine has so much talented, we know xiao zhan is a great singer, but other main vocalists like wu jiacheng, zhao lei, and peng chuyue are amazing as welll, here’s me plugging this video of zl and pcy performing their self-written song on produce camp because it’s the most beautiful thing ever

-oh yeah somewhere in here insert chen molerat getting outed as a pedo misogynist cheater by his gf who still has the audacity to have xnine in his weibo name because xnine starting to get popular gtfo rat lookin ass i WILL barf, when we say ot8 xnine we mean xnine w/o chen toadratass but sometimes ppl think it’s xnine minus xz which is untrue-

they also have talented rappers (gu jiacheng yan xujia) and dancers (xia zhiguang guo zifan) like xia zhiguang can end me with his spinning flying kick thing and i WILL let him 

so YEAH !! TALENT that went to waste because wjjw gave them weird random hiatuses and kept pushing them as actors??? seriously what is with this actor stuff...so that’s why they debuted in 2016 and have very little discography to their name because wjjw just gave up...trying to promote them GOD thank u so much ldn for ur incomptency <3333 xnine had members in diff stages of life (ranging from xz who was born in 91, to yan xujia born in 2001, they were all close tho soo cute) and wjjw really was like nope we’re not gonna try to promote yall’s dreams of becoming singers on the stage because they couldn’t add 34783473 pounds to fat huo mala’s weight

so ya a lot of people are like omg wjjw hates xiao zhan!!! ya no they hate all of xnine but now xz is bringing enough money to make huo mala even fatter so good for huo mala i guess /s

also rumors and any bad media? lol wjjw doesn’t care they do a shit job at handling bad things too WHAT A WELLROUNDED COMPANY

OH ALSO TALK ABOUT HOW THYE HAD 3 DAYS TO PREPARE FOR A CONCERT???????????? WHAT????????? wjjw u mfs

anyway to summarize my rants above wjjw did  a SHIT job of promoting xnine as idols when the boys worked so hard and wjjw kept tryna push them to acting bye (some of them can’t act and literally don’t WANT TO ACT HHHSFLNF), wjjw is also horrible at letting all of the xnine members shine when as i mentioned before, they’re ALL TALENTED!!!! and then they just gave up on xnine somewhere in 2017-2018... ok anyway so is xnine disbanded? no although some may say their last concert in dec 2018 was their last concert ever they’re not disbanded

xiao zhan , gu jiacheng, and guo zifan went into acting

wu jiachang is focusing on his music etc (he was actually the first member of xnine i came across when i watched the collaboration/cyzj in 2018...yes carats this is That wu jiacheng!!!) MAN CAN SING

peng chuyue, zhao lei, xia zhiguang, yan xujia all went on produce camp 2019 (aNOTHER SURVIVAL SHOW BC THEY WANTED TO BE ON THE MF STAGE BC THATS WHY THEYRE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE WJJW) along w/ fellow labelmates zhou zhennan and zhai xiao wen ... and everyone but peng chuyue made it to the final 11 spots and got to debut in the group r1se...UNFORTUNATELY ALSO UNDER WJJW HELP SEND HELP

if they’re in r1se does that mean they quit xnine? no! they’re in both that’s just how survival shows work it’s kind of weird

peng chuyue recently released a song and it’s really good and you can’t not tell me that it’s gay here it is

anyway xnine hasn’t disbanded!! the X玖少年团 (xnine) in the non-r1se members’ weibo names say that loud n clear!!! and when the r1se members from xnine won produce camp 2019, they all made xnine signs SO XNINE IS ALIVE and they do keep in contact!!

why haven’t we seen blatant public interactions btwen xiao zhan and the xnine members? because some frickin annoying xz solo stans/xfx claim that the other members use xz for popularity (HELLO??????? IN WHAT WORLD DOES THAT MAKE SENSE HALF OF THEM R LITERALLY HIS KIDS BUT OK) 

anyway in conclusion wjjw doesn’t know how to promote any of their artists, thus screwing over xnine members and making them go on a group hiatus where they focus on acting/singing/r1se for r1se members but they are very much xnine as of now !!!

here’s some REALLY GOOD RESOURCES to follow xnine bc as an ifan it’s mf hard

-xnine slideshow

-xnine faq

-xnine eng sub channel by yuer

-all of that content i listed above was made/subbed by one person and she is the queen of uhh...xnine international fandom outreach (????) how do i word it but she’s been subbing and spreading xnine long before xiao zhan’s popularity skyrocketed so go follow her for updates and memes here

-xnine intl fanbase twt and tumblr

-and here’s this twt account with dumb pics of xnine because why not

also i’m pretty sure there’s a wip video explaining x9′s history being created (by yuer because queen) so when that’s posted i’ll rb this and post it here

also here’s this video dragging wjjw

[molusca]

she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do? throw herself onto a pyre? is she not allowed to feel lousy that this whole thing blew up in her face? because she's an adult and she made a mistake, she's not allowed to be sad or stressed? she's still an imperfect human. apologizing immediately usually means people are still sensitive to their own hurt of being called out because it's fresh and on their mind so it tends to slip into their apology, but if she had waited any longer to compose herself, you guys would probably have an issue with how long she took. also, in aaaaaallll of this, I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic? I've read her fic and I personally can't see anything wrong, although I will admit that yes, I'm a white ciswoman but I'd like to think I'm aware of negative tropes. but the only thing touted is "it made an mlm uncomfortable" but HOW??? honestly, I want to know! if anything so I can avoid doing the same thing! how is anyone meant to learn when you're not bringing up these points as often as you're explicitly laying out the problems in her apology and whatnot. I've seen 6 posts about how shit the apology was and for why and I've not once seen the original comment detailing why the fic was problematic, and I've been looking on twit, tumblr, insta, and ao3. if it's been deleted, why isn't anyone stating again and again what's wrong? also, if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it. there's one artist that's pretty popular on Twitter and I personally really hate they way they draw klance but it's all over my tl. I respect that person's art style and creativeness and keep on moving. other people enjoy it, good for them. and if I start reading something and get surprised with something I dont like, I leave! find people who write things you like and stop engaging with creators who's things you don't like, as far as I know no one is holding a gun to your head making you read problematic fic. also for as much as you rag on her for the words she used to apologize, you don't seem to be considering your own words when offering criticism. if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully? lastly, no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way (like you should do when it come to kl content creators you don't like). people sending hate in Taylor's defense are in the wrong I agree, and this isn't hate its critism its a discussion, but Taylor isn't responsible for, how many people did you say? 16k on twit? even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense. I see so many younger fans expecting perfection in their fandoms and that just isn't going to happen. yes we should be striving to be better but no one is ever going to be perfect. not you, not me, not the mlm person, not Taylor, not anyone on any side of this argument. the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.- 🦛

she apologized for how she handled the situation and apologized for brushing off someone's honest criticisms as hate. what more is she meant to do?

im pretty sure i said its good that she realizes she handled it poorly. but she makes the whole apology about this, doesnt directly talk about the issues and i know someone went to her to talk about it. also, it took her a day to say something about it so it wasnt exactly immediate (in the sense people had already stopped talking about it but that doesnt mean they werent still bothered). the apology was directed at mlm, and i havent seen one saying it felt genuine. of couse she can be hurt but when you apologize to a marginalized group the focus shouldnt be your feelings, but the feelings of the ones you have hurt.

I've have yet to once see what exactly about her work is so problematic?

she admits to be projecting on lance. so she makes him very femine and keith very masculine. and ok, gay couples like that do exist, but she is a woman projecting in this situation so this bothers people. putting mlm in this position is a harmful steriotype, bc it feels very heterosexual. this is a trope, it unfortunately happens a lot and its harmful. women need to be aware of what they are representing when drawing/writing mlm because well, real mlm are going to see it, and no one likes to feel like a fetish to others. and its not our place to question if the criticism is right or wrong when we are not mlm, so if you read this and think “but thats not a problem thats not a fetish etc” well, its not your place to judge that. theres more to it and you probably could get a better answer from a mlm sorry.

if someone is making fic/art you don't like, don't. interact. with. it. there's tons of stuff on ao3 and twit that I don't like, some of it that I think is disgusting (do you know how many fics there are with keith/kosmos?) and I just scroll past it cause it can't hurt me if I don't read it.

please, lets not compare a minority pointing out harmful tropes with. something fucking illegal.

as you said, you are a cis woman, of course its not going to hurt you in this case. but if people are making harmful content its not a simple matter of “dont interact with it” because they will still be promoting it, other people are going to read it, and media influences how we see minorities so of course people will not like when they see bad portrayal of them. also, tumblr sucks so even if you want to just “dont interact with it” its hard because even after blocking you can still cross the content of someone. not sure how it works on twitter but anyway this discussion started on tumblr and tumblr doesnt stop people who were bothered by her to avoid her by blocking.

if Taylor mistook the person's words as hate, couldn't it have been because the way he worded the complaint was done hatefully?

i think she deleted the ask by now, but i dont remember the ask being hateful. i remember someone asking if she was a fujoshi, and another person mentioned that mlm didnt like the way she portrayals klance. i dont remember it being hateful. but again, she apologized for handling it badly. its just that she stops there.

no one, absolutely no one, is required to talk about world issues when they're running a fandom account,no matter how "big" they are. we all know what's going on in the world, we're surrounded by sad and stressful stories practically 24/7 and if someone isn't, they're probably curating their social feeds to be that way

ignoring world issues is a privilege. if someone is able to turn off from all the problems in the world, its a privilige. yes no one should talk aobut it all the time thats not even healthy, but to never talk about it is a privilege. thats what black people are saying, they cant just turn off from racism, so yes they are going to expect white people to do something. online honestly i cant do shit, i dont think anything i reblog here does a difference and i do what i can in my own country, but she has a plataform that could help bring awareness. again, its a privilege to be able to curate your social media to be a perfect happy place.

even if she said hey guys stop, you think they would? she's can't control all those people and expecting her to is nonsense.

maybe they wouldnt, but if people were doing this type of thing in my name, in my defense, i would at least say something about it idk. she cant control them but she makes nothing to show that she disagrees or look for the people being harassed to say something about it.

the only way to avoid this kind of circular dog piling and hate sending is to better curate your fandom experience by ignore those you have issues with.

when it comes to simple things like “i prefer taller lance and i dont like taller keith” yeah, its fine to ignore people who draw taller keith and move on with your life or something like that. but we are talking about mlm, a real group of people, being upset for being portrayed in a harmful and steriotype way. its everywhere in fandom, and in real life. they cant escape from real life, and then they come to fandom where everyone wants some escapism and have to deal with more issues. its tiring

[normal-thoughts-official]

My headcanon has always been that Alec figured out he was gay very early in life (I've ALWAYS been/I ALWAYS knew/I ALWAYS dreamed) which is... interesting bc visibility and representation must have been a huge issue when he was growing up. This sort of reinforces my interpretation that Alec has always been very in touch with his feelings and very honest about them (he only chose to hide/not act on them). Which is I think what Magnus figured about him from the very beginning ->

-> (it's rare to find a shadowhunter with such an open heart). Which is also funny and sort of on point bc Alec's siblings were widely mistaken about Alec's issues. It also explains why Alec doesn't have any major hang-ups about relationships or expressing his feelings, something a lot of viewers took an issue with (like why is Alec not emotionally stunted or things like that). That said, I keep thinking about Magnus and how he was exploring his sexuality. I mean imagine Magnus talking to his father. Magnus: I feel like I'm into both men and women 🤔 Asmodeus: Great! The amount of people you can seduce and murder has increased exponentially 👀 I mean, poor Magnus 💀

i feel bad for laughing at the asmodeus part but ur so correct hdbdudbdidndidndidndidn

and u know i agree with u 100% on the Alec stuff, this is a hill I'm willing to die on, Alec knew that he was gay since forever, he wasn't lying to himself, he just chose to keep it to himself. he made that very clear every time he talked about it too, i always KNEW i couldn't get what i wanted, I've ALWAYS dreamt, like you said. key words always, knew, and wanted. he was extremely aware throughout the whole process and i can't see it any other way. Alec is terrible at lying and that includes to himself, hes painfully logical and aware and hes been trained to pay attention to his own body/reactions/thoughts and approach them logically and dissecate them from the very beginning. theres no way he was oblivious to his own feelings, or else his lies in s1 wouldnt be so clearly bad.

Alec is, for better or for worse, painfully self aware and that's something i identify with, possibly the part of him i relate to the most. he's struggling because he know it's not safe to come out and he's decided that he wont, so he doesn't, to anyone. but he knows exactly how he feels and that that's his choice. then, when he meets Magnus, he's confused, not because he wasn't ready to face that he liked men (he knew that pretty damn well) but because he was questioning whether he really wanted to go through with his "closeted for eternity" plan. and there was the whole marriage thing. but he wasn't confused about what he wanted, not for a second. he was confused about what he was going to do, and how honest he could be to Magnus about it.

and like you said that's why their transition into a relationship goes relatively smoothly. if Alec were in denial, it would be a lot harder for him to go from that to the Alec we see later on, who is very emotionally available and open with Magnus, who loves him openly and unashamedly, who threatens Maryse to make her respect him and their relationship, who bursts into Magnus' house like "hello lets have sex". Alec can fit into a relationship with so much emotional honesty because he's always been emotionally honest. he just chose not to tell people about it because he was in a place where that wasnt safe

as for Magnus! I hc that his sexual discovery went like, relatively smoothly. I mean he was raised in a recently-colonized Indonesia, which. okay had europeans out there trying to ruin things, but was very open and accepting of both gender and sexuality, and didn't have a binary view of either. and asmodeus wouldnt care because like you can't tell me that demons and angels give a shit about gender, even if by some odd reason they did have a gender system that's exactly like the modern western european mundane one. so i think that growing up, Magnus didn't have a lot of issues with his sexual & gender identity. It wasnt like "figuring out" and "coming out", more like it slowly became clear and he was like "okay". not a lot of denial involved.

I've talked about this here (sexuality) and here (gender) and there i put more sources and everything so I'm... gonna leave that here rjdndjdnfk but i think Magnus' self discovery wasnt the problem, the problem was the shock of getting to England after the Asmodeus Yeet and seeing how different things were.

i mean, he was no stranger to queerphobia (he had a dutch stepfather after all) but when he was a kid, the dutch didnt really manage to colonize Java and interfere with their customs because the javanese empires were stronger, so they were mostly settling by going there to trade, same as always. so Magnus didn't really have to live in a time where people had to hide who they were

and then he comes back from Edom and it's like. you will literally be executed for this. what in the fuck. people meet in like secret underground clubs, terrified of making every mood. some dont even do that and suffer alone. no one thinks this is weird. people act like its always been this way. what the fuck

and hes struggling because after he banished asmodeus he thought he could finally be himself, you know? escape the need to like get his approval and the fear of angering him, get away from his gross, manipulative claws - you get it. he thought he could breathe and be out in the open and live his own life, but he can't, because so many parts of who he is - his culture, his origins, his gender, his sexuality, the color of his skin, his heritage, his powers - are being constantly repressed by the meat grinding machine of early capitalism and colonialism, and it's like, wow.

so Magnus never really lied to himself, either, but he did learn how to hide, and do it well. he doesn't have a lot of internalized queerphobia in the sense that he thinks it's bad that he's trans and bi, but one of the most prominent results of queerphobia in his life (aggravated by a thousand other things) is that hes gotten used to bottling things up and compartmentalizing himself and his identity. hes learnt to be what ppl expect him to be, and to show them only what hes safe to. its instinctive for him, to hide certain parts of himself, be it his immortality, his queerness, or his pain. and it's one of the reasons he struggles so much to be fully open and honest with Alec about how he feels. it's why it's so instinctive for him to stop everything and hide because his glamour went down. he knows that Alec knows about it, but he's used to hiding the parts of himself that people dont want to see

and that's without throwing Camille and her abuse into the mix (which i talked more about in the aforementioned links. like not to self promote but i am pretty proud of those asks so you know) and of course Asmodeus himself, and how they also taught magnus to hide his weaknesses, not be honest, "stop whining", cut off his own feelings and thoughts to please them. again i talked about this in the links. okay ill stop idndidn

in short, Magnus never really struggled to come to terms with his identity, but he learnt quickly that he isn't palatable, and he never will be - not to his mom (even if again i dont think she killed herself because of him, but Magnus believes it), not to his stepfather, not to his father, not to mundanes, not to the white european queer community, not to anyone. so he knows that, to survive, he needs to be able to bottle things up, and even if the people he loves work hard to convince him every day that this isnt the case (Catarina, Raphael, Ragnor, Dot, Alec) old habits die hard

[gucciorchid]

Strap in this is a Shakarian Great Gatsby AU

Well, It’s more like.. I made an whole AU around that one scene in The Great Gatsby. I wrote this whole thing just so Garrus could stare at a green light and YEARN. 

This is an outline post. You can read the snippet I wrote here.

I also wanted Garrus to get drunk and confess how the whole Gatsby-like party thing was for her and everything. Anyway, here it is: 

Sakarian Great Gatsby AU 

-Shepard and Garrus go way back. She was his commanding officer and they blew off steam once. They got pretty chummy after that. Flirting, bantering, exchanging quips. 

- he was recruited to do one big mission, and once that was over other obligations came up (maybe his mom got copalis) and had to leave shepard

-they keep in touch, send messages, but alliance regs and the distance just doesn't really help. Garrus constantly reaches out and all, but Shepard gets lots of promotions and all that- she's fuckin busy. 

*or, shepard made some tough calls (or or, she failed to save a big place bc she couldn't disarm the bomb in time and ppl blame it on her) during her missions and that basically forced the Alliance to incarcerate her to prevent a war. All of her messages are blocked. 

-And Shepard is released after a year. Its all done under the radar. Garrus finds out about this bit (this info wasnt encrypted as well as the other ones, weird) but after that shepard is essentially MIA. Everything about her becomes absolutely classified, and it gets to the point that nobody knows what happened to her. Like shes alive, but everything about her becomes classified. Top tier encryption.

-he knows Shep is alive (he gathered that much). But it does make him go through the whole omega archangel breakdown. 

-Goes to omega, succeeds in cleaning the place up somewhat. He now looks over this "safe zone" in omega. Other mercs says archangel just set himself up as another gang in omega, but garrus doesn't take protection money- he makes money by crashing slaver ships and ruining red sand shipments, etc.

-Just in case shep shows up (and he has a small hope that she will, bc she's always where the trouble is), he has this event every weekend to attract a certain type of people (aka shepard). He invites people with power to the safe zone every weekend. He figures if shepard is on omega, she'd need or want something from the top dogs (she always does). Officially, it's to keep the different factions sated and amicable. Pretty much every important leader of some faction or a gang is there except aria. 

-things are going relatively fine, until he hears about shadow brokers agent moving into omega. They buy out an apartment (In reality its the shadow broker aka Liara and shepard. Shep went dark to work with liara. Something about council making shep a spectre and bc she was tasked with something super classified everything about her became a secret.) 

-they set up a private comm tower disguised as some garish luxury decoration on top of their apartment/house (yes this is the green light) 

-shepard and liara stays inside and plan shit out. Only delivery drones go in or out. There are rumors that shepard is in there bc ok love combining 2 conspiracies. Also some ppl claim to have seen that iconic red hair through the window or smth. 

-Garrus stands out in the docks and stares at the green light almost every night (green, like shepard's eyes). Its a rumor, but garrus is hopeful and this time he feels it in his guts. 

-Garrus is too busy to visit- hes busy disrupting shipments and taking care of his team etc. But every night he stands out of his base and just stares at the green light.

-shepard knows garrus is there and he's the archangel  but she doesnt seek him out no matter how much she wants to bc hanging around garrus will obviously blow her cover. (Yeah people are saying shep might be here but that's a rumor. It can be dispelled)

-besides she's so close to finishing her mission. Garrus did her a favor by rounding up all the important people into an unarmed party every weekend. 

-shepards mission started out as simple im the beginning but that ended up being like going down a rabbit hole and one of the last targets left was this one important dude on omega. He keeps his position hidden and all, and his house is a fortress. While shep can essentially go and infiltrate, liara and shep figured it would be safer with the manpower they have to assassinate at the party garrus throws.

-So that's how shepard ends up in the party. Liara forged her identity and really, people think she looks like shepard but nobody believes she is actually shep. 

-she's swift, chats up her target, then garrus spots shepard. So many questions in his head. But he knows Shep and shes probably here bc she needs something from that one guy she's chatting up. He approaches them, pretends he doesnt know shep not to blow her cover. He checks the guest list and looks like sheps in as alice Gunn. 

"Archangel?" 

"Just Garrus to you, Gunn. Thought you might never make it to these parties. You declined every single time." 

"You know my line of work. I can't exactly spare a weekend on an asteroid to schmooze and drink fruity Thessian drinks. But I thought I'd make an exception for this weekend. Now as much as I want to play catch up with you, I think me and him(target) was in the middle of discussing something..." 

-Now at this point Garrus knows what's up. He knows shepard, and he knows that target is going to die (shep was going to kill him). Shepard picked a nice  spot to lure him in. A nice private area, and the most isolated part of the safe zone. Shepard shoots Garrus a Look, the same one shed give him during missions all those years ago. A look that she gave him after garrus scanned a room theyre about to infiltrate with his visor. Garrus nods, Shepard shoots at a point-blank range. But whoops, it looks like that guy was a machine. Infiltrator unit. (Like Eva, EDI's body).

"I'm guessing this wasn't supposed to happen." 

"Nope." 

-so many emotions with her mission semi-failing and finally meeting garrus, but She packs it all up and comms liara that plan A is a no go. They have to break in. 

-Garrus shuts the party down early etc etc. 

-shep brings garrus to their house. Garrus knows omega in and out- they could use his help locating the target. 

-they plan the heist and in between, garrus is so anxious and tries to talk to shep about other things. "How have you been" and "where were you."

"All over, Garrus. It'll probably take a whole night just to tell you the short version. Now's not a good time to catch up." 

"Shepard, it's a week until the break-in. We have time to talk." 

"Not now, garrus. Maybe later. After we see this through." 

-so during heist, it's like old times. Theyre exchanging quips and bantering, and Garrus watches her six. They work so well together. 

-heist done, mission goes well. 

-after shepard reports to the council and alliance officially announced shepard as not MIA, they finally have some downtime. 

-shepard has new scars, new stories, new grief and fatigue in her eyes. Her frame is harder than last time he saw her, and it's clear the years hasnt been kind to her. Hes kind of angry that alliance and council would just throw her to do this shit.

-they drink, talk, and catch up. Shep talks about other times she had to go undercover and its mishaps. They laugh.

-at some point Garrus says stuff about the party.

"All that was for you, shepard. Put a little, ah.. Elbowgrease into this place and figured I'd make a place where shepard wont be able to pass up. -i know, I know. Hell of a gamble. It was only non armed on the tin. Everyone there was armed."

-shepard gets all sullen. "Garrus that's-"

"Not part of regular human courtship protocol, i know. Believe me when I say I've seen the vids." It's clear Garrus said it as a joke. Shepard doesnt laugh.

"I thought it was my job to be reckless." 

"Two years is a damn long time. More than enough to change a person."

"Or a turian." Shepard can tell Garrus has something to say. She has a good idea on what he wants to say, too. 

"Shepard, I-" 

"I haven't forgotten our time together."

[deleted-10-years-ago]

ok so i know this is going to sound super weird but bare with me. my life is stranger then fiction sometimes:

so my friends jay, eric, and i were exploring this old abandoned mall on the other side of town two days ago (obviously we went during the daytime bc were not idiots and because my friend jay wanted to take some cursed-looking pictures). anyways we were trying to find the main backrooms of the mall, yknow where they keep all the holiday decorations, promotional posters, stuff like that. places like that are always the most run down. anyways when we found the entrance to it, it was locked which was really weird since most people really only bother to lock the front doors. we didnt think much of it at the time, but in hind sight we shouldve gotten the eff out of there. anyways eric broke the llock and we made our way in.

the floors were super gross and it smelled like metalic. this wasnt super odd since most of these old places are rusty. we went down the hallway and suddenly everything got super foggy. i tried to get eric and jay to leave when that happened,

Me: guys, we should probably leave, I think a pipe burst or something

Jay: i think your just a pussy

Me: seriously, these are really old pipes and we dont know what their here for

Eric: if you want to leave thats fine, but we wanna keep going

Me: you guys are idiots

i waited outside for them, since im an actually decent human being. i heard some banging and shouted at them calling them jackasses for trying to scare me. i was wrong.

they came out shortly after yelling about a rabid dog and jay was bleeding. we rushed out and went to the nearest ergent care. i wasnt really listening at the time but eric had said something about it lunging for his throat (which now that I think about it was super weird that there was even a dog in there, much less that it would be able to get jays throat since hes like 6-foot). jay turned out to be fine, somehow. the doctor said it looked worse than it was, though he lost a lot of blood so he should take it slow.

when we went back to classes yesterday, but all of us were exhausted and none of us could sleep since then. so yeah, i guess be careful out there, those rapid dogs can be anywhere i guess

[jindoelf]

180314 Sportsseoul Interview - Super Junior

180314 LT, EH & DH Interview Leeteuk: In my house, I have a picture with 13 of us in front of my TV. Recently, I saw H.O.T on infinite challenge & my gaze kept falling to the picture. The hope that maybe with time, we will be able to stand on stage again as 13 once formed

180314 SJ interview Leeteuk: We started as a group with many members. Our biggest advantage was that we had more members so it’s a shame to promote as just 6. After Kyuhyun discharges in May 2019. I think about a stage where we can stand in full and anticipate for it

180314 SJ interview Hyukjae: In the past I only promoted while thinking of our team. However, as time passed. in the music world I became a Hyung and an oppa, and it made me look at the juniors around me. I want to take care of them & give them advice.

180314 interview Hyukjae:When we debuted,GOD Hyungs took care of us,we wanna do that for our juniors too. Being an idol is a hard job,u have to live a locked up life. I worry about my juniors wondering if it hurts,if they’re lonely. I wish for a music industry where we’re all tgt

180314 SJ interview Hyukjae: There were many hard times.Being around for a long time,things happened. But tho there was hard times,there was never a crisis. There were times we got tired bc of scandals/accidents but never a crisis that made us think srsly about disbanding

180314 interview Leeteuk: 2009 was our 1st hard time.There was an incident but I heard it thru the news. It was when I shared rooms with HC,he came running like"Did u see the news" but I was already sobbing.I remember asking “what do we do?” U mature after things like tht

180314 Super Junior interview Donghae: There’s a vessel sized to take hard times for different ages. Compared to the past, our vessel now is larger. I think that as you experience hard times in life, the amount you’re able to handle gets bigger-

180314 interview Donghae: -If you win over a hard situation that you cant handle right now, the vessel grows that much bigger. Hard times are always given to you with what you can handle.

180314 interview Hyukjae: It’s fun when members are tgt. If it wasnt, we wouldnt feel like doing this. Whether an album does well or not, its fun to release it with the members & to promote in a unit. Even if there’s a big incident, we gain strength straight away when tgt

180314 interview Leeteuk: I’ve been with DH & EH who are here rn since trainee days in 2000. Tgt for 19yrs,if I left them I’d have no friends. SJ are my friends,family & colleagues. When tgt,my heart’s at peace, I’m most happy & its fun. I never want to break this feeling

180314 SJ interview - A word to fans? Hyukjae: Don’t get exhausted. We will also not tire out! Let’s make more fun times in the future

180314 SJ interview Leeteuk: The repackage album coming out in April is not any old normal kind of repackage album. I can’t tell you yet but we’re preparing something special. I think we’ll hear you say something like “these guys are doing this?”.

180314 interview Hyukjae: The 2 eldest, Leeteuk & Heechul Hyung def get along better as time passed. Since debut,these days are when they’re the most close. Seeing them talk so much tgt makes us younger ones feel more reassured. Their rlshp also faced many crises[laughs].

******************************************** okay ! i've decided to at least try to cut out negativity from my life, things are hard and it's easy to fall into a struggle and just feel sorry for yourself 24/7 but if i keep doing that, im only gonna keep spiralling down and down, i cant be happy if i dont try at least so even if it's pretend for a while, im gonna try stop being a downer all the time and hope for things to get better, this thing donghae said rly affected me in a good way so thanks ma man, i'll keep trying for now

(emzhaek)

http://entertain.naver.com/read?oid=468&aid=0000360153&lfrom=twitter&spi_ref=m_entertain_twitter

Words to ELF

Donghae: I’ve been receiving a lot of love. I was really busy when I was young so it just passed without me knowing it. As time passed and I’ve done time to think about it, my outlook has been broaden. It’s our role to work hard to get close to our fans friendly-

I hope that there’s a better words than thanks and I love you to the fans. I’ll work hard to look for it.

KR: 58fabiola58 ENG: miheexp

Words to ELF

Eunhyuk: Don’t get yourself exhausted. We won’t too. Let’s create a lot of interesting moments in future.

KR: 58fabiola58 ENG: miheexp

[chickenstuffedwithmozzarella]

Yaaay!! Thank you Soraya's inbox, sorry i blamed you on eating the last ask😂😘. You did great. Nono, he wasnt a torero, he looked like a prince. (Which is not better bcs i dont like any of those  figures but... whatever). Ooh, talking about suits, did you see the ranking hsfashionarchive did of the suits he wore this tour? Bcn was winning, pink suit was second and Mdd was third!! (1)

[I hope this works 😜🙏🏻, bc this was TOO long, jajajaa.]

Ohhh. Your mom is the best. So supportive! Petition to give her that award. She is clearly the winner. (1D clinex? capitalism in its pure state 😂. Did they really made those? Glad i didnt find it on time bcs i would have definitely brought them as a joke to my sister or something). You are already playing Niall’s songs to her? Did she like them? Does she have anything similar to “pikachu get away” she had for SOTT?. (2)

JAJAJAJJA. Netflix always does that to me too. Dont know why. I started watching Black mirror backwards bcs of that. Did you understand anything of chapter 7 os ST? (Did you finish the show??). Yep. The 8th season is the last one, and i dont know hoe to feel about it. Dissapointed by the shows? As in with the ending?? Or how? (3)

You sound like a devoted cat lady, yes. Ooow, i have little cousins too, though they are reaching the age of “too cool to be seen with you, old girl” Of course they make me laugh. Honey is a menace and i appreciate it. JAJAJAJAJAJAJA. He ate the chorizo?? Honeeey!! 😂😂😂 that made me laugh at loud int the train and now my neighbour is looking at me weirdly. I see, you’ll never get bored with him. (4)

When i was younger and + close minded, i didnt like tattos. Considere also that the ones I had saw in real life were the tribal ones, so there’s tgat. But then i grew up and started liking them (you can partially blame larry for that). Nobody in my family (cousins and so) has one, and thats kind of a encouragement, I’d love to piss them, but my dad has threaten me to disinherit me (we dont heven have that, lol) and i dont have any tatto on mind, so i wont do it… maybe in the future, yes. (5)

I MISS LOUIS TOO! I hope he is fine. Resting and so. Im sure that creating the album that will destroy us all takes a lot of effort. (Seriously, where is heeeee?). Heeey!! I wont get bored. Or mad! I have such a great time talking to you. If i dont talk more its bcs of the character limit and bcs im always worried about pressuring or imposing. Dont be dumb. If i dont answer its bcs im busy with finals and so. Nothing more. Promise. (6)

THANK YOU FOR UNDERSTANDING. i know i know. It makes sense and its a smart move, but… i cant stand raeggeton/latino, its not for me. Sad. I havent lost hope though. Maybe ill change my mind later Yeah, i have the same problem with my friends, they only listen to trap and raeggeton and i die everytime. We mostly agree to put something neutral like pop or the radio. (Disney songs never get old😂). (7)

Ay. I just saw that i wrote “heven” instead of “even” and now i want to delete myself. I was walking while writing the asks and i didnt proofread it. I feel so dumb. Anyway, sorry for sending so many asks (today i made a record xd) and, as always, good night!!————————————————————————-Hi!!!! Yes! I saw the ranking. But it isn’t exactly a ranking. It’s more to like chose wants your favorite suit. I did it and guess what? My first choice in the Madrid one, jajajaa. Second the kilt. And third the jumpsuit. Very accurate.

Oh, you’re telling me! My family bought me a bunch of 1D merch (unofficial all): the clinex, a hair brush, a bracelet, 2 books!, one perfume (this I love it, it smells so good), a make up box… I can’t even remember everything. Ah! A birthday card too!! Where they talk when you open it. I always use to wish happy birthday to people (the audio) 🤣🤣🤣🤣. I had to tell them to please stop wasting money on those things. I don’t even know where I have it. And if a can ask, I’d rather they give me the money so I can go to their concerts,jajajaja.EDIT: I can’t believe I forgot the poster!! I have it beside my head right now,jajaja, and I only realized it was there when I looked at the boys to ask for inspiration,😅😅)

Oh, my mom loves Niall’s album too. But I don’t think she “knows” any of the lyrics,jajaja. Though, she knows the hmmmm in This Town. But that’s all. She and my sister, both separately were like: “oh! who’s him??” When they heard Fire Away. And I was like: “ehhhhh, it’s Niall’s album, so guess who’s it?? What, you like it? See, Harry’s not the only one who can sing…” jajajajja. It’s because of comments like this, that they think I don’t like Harry. And I get so offended when they hint at it! Like, of course I like Harry. But I like all of them too!! God!! I love Niall’s album so much (I’m hearing it right now, bc I couldn’t remember what song was the one they liked it so much, and now I can’t stop 😅). Harry’s and Niall’s albums have been lining in my car since they were released. I had Harry’s playing in a loop till I got Niall’s one and I interchanged them. Then Harry’s came back a month or so before his concert. And now it’s time for Niall’s again. (You can’t imagine how hard it’s being writing this with honey laying on my arm!! Jajaja, I can’t barely move my fingers😅).

AND WHAT DID YOU DO WHEN YOU REALIZED YOU WERE WATCHING BLACK MIRROS BACKWARDS??? I’ve watched canter 1 and 2 of ST afterwards, but I hadn’t gotten to watch the whole thing yet. I can’t stand to be looking at a screen for 50minutes without doing anything. And don’t get me wrong, lol, I can be on tumblr for hours, jajaja, but a have to move my hand, and I can go from a blog to another… y'know, jajajajaja. And when I watched chapter 7 of ST i was like, okay… now they have to investigate what happened… or a guessed they would be doing flashbacks… jajajajajaja. Then I realized my mistake and thought I was stupid, 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣“I see you from a different point of view🎶🎶” ( sorry, that’s me singing,jajajaja, Seeing Blind. I LOVE that song)And shows have disappointed me in the sense that they turn out to have an awful ending (seriously, I know you do it for the audience, but end a show how it deserves it, don’t turn it into shit just for a handful of money); or bc they just end it bc they don’t have enough audience. It’s always a matter of audience,jajaja.if they have a lot, they want to explode it. And if they don’t have enough they finish it ASAP. 😒

Honey is a menace, yeh, I couldn’t love him more,jajajaja. He can’t see me petting Liam, he gets jealous and comes to me and headbutt my hand so I pet him too. And Liam is so patient with him. They’re totally like liam and Louis, jajja. Hey! did I tell you the story about when I got Liam? no!! Well, someone gave my dad 4 kitties (they were sooooo small). So, guess their names (it was post March 25, 2015…) yes!! They were named (by me) Louis, Niall, Harry and Liam, jajajajajja. But Harry died a couple of days later, because he was really really young. He couldn’t survive without his mom ☹️. And the other three, my dad took them to a place we have were he has a little garden (?) with vegetables and chickens and proper farm-y, jejeje. I wasn’t too (any) into cats back then, so… Then he brought home one of them, to have our home free of mice. AND IT WAS LIAM!! And I adopted him. I took care of him. We started loving each other. And he became useless with mice, jajaja. He’s totally domesticated now 😝. And that’s his story. The rest? Louis became a big alpha male at their new home. But s car ran him over last summer, and he died 😔. And Niall is a female, jajajajaa. And I hate her. Because she hasn’t been able to keep her kitties alive once!! (She’s pregame again, and we’re praying this time she knows who to be a mom🙏🏻) Ah!! And Honey had siblings the other day!! The guy who gave it to my dad is my brother’s friend and he show him a pic. There are two white cats!! I WANT THEM!!! But they don’t let me have anymore cats! Jajajajaja.

Hey, we might have in common the reason why we started liking tats, jajajjajaa. And, well, to piss off the family is as good a reason as any other,jajajaja. And why are dads like that?? When my sister and I got our lips pierced he went to pick up at the train station and as soon as he saw us he turned around and walked to the car without saying a word,jajajajja. I HAD TOLMY PARENTS WE WOULD BE DOING IT!! I asked my mom:hey mom, if a get a 10 in maths, can I get a piercing?? And she say okay. So I got a 10 (I might cheated or not on this, bc I already knew I had a 10, but wel…), and I got a piercing.my sister only got it, bc I was 16, she had to go with me as an adult, and giving she was already there, she got one too,jajajaja. (My granny almost kill us 😅)

Oh, louis has a BIG responsibility on his hands. He will be killing a lot of people when he puts out his album. He has to chose the proper songs to do it. It will be considered a massive destruction weapon, so he better be careful. But god, for real, when will Louis and Liam release their albums. At this pace, Harry and Niall will be releasing their second one before LiLo has finished their respective tours. And when they finish, Narry will have release their second one, and will be promoting them. So Lilo will start working in their seconds one. And… and… AND ONE DIRECTION WON’T COME BACK EVER BECAUSE THEY CAN FIX A DATE WHERE ALL OF THE BOYS HAVE NOTHING TO DO, AND WHAT WILL I DO??? 😭😭😭😭😭 (sorry, I panicked a bit there,oops).

Uggggg, I can’t stand raeggeton either. I can’t stand the music, argggg. Or the culture of it (the how it treats women, and glorifies sex). I can’t I can’t.and you can’t go out without hearing it. My friends and I went on road trip once. And it was my friend’s car. And she only listens to raeggeton. And after 10, 15, 40? minutes I had to ask her “will this song ever end???” And she told me it was already a different one. And I swear I almost jump out of the car,jajajajaja. We were crossing a bridge, and I wanted to jump out of the car!!!!! I couldn’t listen to that any more!!!!!  Ejkbvwirbfeuirnfrvoieefvnv The she caved and we switched to movie’s soundtracks,jajajaja.

Ha! Don’t worry about sending a lot of ask, I learn something, you’ll see,jajajajaa.Also, I forgot to ask early. Is your sister a 1d fan too, then? She goes to concerts and knows the song… how lucky! you have someone to talk about all the gossip!! (And they know what you’re talking about…) or is she a “casual” fan, and doesn’t get into fandom drama? She just likes the music and doesn’t care about their lives?are you both into drama?? God, I don’t discuss drama very much online, but if had someone face to face to talk about it… I would be the happiest person in the world,jajajajaa (what an exaggeration 🙊).

I think this is all. I LOVE ORPUR CONVERSATIONS!! Jajajaja( I hope I did it correctly and all this is under read more, jajaja)Byeeeeee!!!! 😚😚😚😚

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

Hi 21/f (for tash pls)

I’ve messaged a few times and you guys have always been super helpful and I really appreciate all the help you have given me over the years.

Back in November of 2016 my gf and I broke up, we broke up because she had commitment issues and I was truly devastated. I cried for days and I’ve only just recently been able to get somewhat over her (I fully believe I was/am in love with her). When we broke up she had mentioned that we could always try to date again at some point in the future (as i write this i feel like i talked to you guys about this before so i apologize if you recall any of this and this is just a repeat, but i also have new stuff) and at some point last year i asked her out right if she ever saw us getting back together bc i didnt wanna hold out hope that we’d ever get back together if there wasnt a chance. She told me no she didnt see that happening and again i was truly devastated. Also when we broke up we said we’d still be friends bc we were really really close when we started dating, well thats not really the case? shes honestly been super distant and i know she has a life and it doesnt revolve around me but she tends to not answer me and give me one worded answers. I’ve tried talking to her about it before and voiced my concerns with her and she always just tells me shes super busy and she forgets to answer and i know that really does happen but sometimes it feels like its just all the time. I may just be overreacting to that part but its frustrating that i never seem to get any other answer out of her. Like there will be times that i feel super excited for something and shell just respond with something like “oh cool!” and then i feel dumb for trying to be so excited about it and then we dont talk for hours. the only other issue i have is she started dating someone just a few months after we broke up and didnt tell me which i can undertstand bc she knew how upset i was at our break up but just a month or so ago they broke up and now shes dating someone new again and she still didnt tell me and i dont understand why. i will admit im a little jealous at how shes dating someone new but im also really upset at the fact she didnt tell me about it again. I just miss her a lot and i wanna be her friend and be in her life but it seems like she doesnt want me in hers.

another issue im having is i really feel just alone, like i dont have anyone. i mean theres a couple people at work that i talk to a lot while im at work but we tend to not talk outside of work and ive tried innitiating conversations with them and they fall flat and they dont seem interested. i just feel like i dont have anyone who truly cares about me and ontop of both of these issues i feel like a complete failure. im not going to school and my mom has kinda been on my butt about it lately and ive been passed up 4 times for a promotion and everyone around me is trying to figure out why and even i cant figure out why. and my general manger wont tell me why he wont promote me and i just feel like a giant failure and that im not good enough for anything.

this was a fairly long submission and im sorry. thank u for taking the time to respond tho

it sounds a little like your ex girlfriend said to continue staying friend because she didn’t want to hurt you ): unfortunately though most break-ups aren’t mutual, and staying friends with an ex partner doesn’t work. 

all your feelings right now? they’re 100% valid!! like I’d feel shitty and upset if someone I thought wanted me in their life made me feel weird for getting excited over something, I’d feel upset if someone I thought wanted to be friends with me just wasn’t making any effort to show they cared. 

this isn’t going to be easy to read? but I feel like your ex said she wanted to be friends after the breakup because she didn’t want to hurt you (and not because she genuinely wanted to be friends), she’s now changed her mind and doesn’t know how to say that now. actions speak louder than words! ): and none of her actions show love or care or a desire to have you in her life. 

this isn’t a criticism at all, just an observation? but you talked about being lonely and feeling isolated and like a failure, it might be making you a little more sensitive to your ex girlfriend’s actions than you normally would be. like -- you feel lonely, you miss your ex, she acts in a way that makes you feel even more isolated and alone, it intensifies your desire to hang onto the ex and the negative cycle continues. 

my best advice? ditch the ex, let her go. I don’t think she’s deliberately trying to hurt you or be mean? but right now it’s not a healthy friendship to have. make it a goal to spread out your friendship groups a bit, make the most of opportunities to meet new people where you can. maybe use tinder to go on a few fun dates haha, download the hey!vina app if you want, maybe check out meetup.com and see if you can find a group of like-minded people? there’s an app that I use in london called fever that lets you know all about events and activities happening in your local area?! it works in a few other major international cities too -- if you don’t live in those cities then it might not be super helpful haha, but maybe your city has something similar? there’s also an app called ‘Wingit’ which operates in london, cities around europe and the US, it’s an app like fever but could be more useful if fever doesn’t work in your city? worth asking around! anything to get you mixing with new people while doing something fun at the same time (:

you’re not a complete failure, at all. promise <3 if you’ve directly asked your general manger about not being promoted and he won’t explain why? then maybe it’s time to look for a new job (: there’s not much point in staying in a workplace where you don’t feel valued or respected as a member of staff.

things aren’t going to magically improve overnight? but ditch the ex, work on branching out and meeting new people and making some new friends, make time for self care and looking after you. try to get straight direct answers from your manager about not being promoted, see what he says, ask what you can work on to improve, look at finding a new job if you just don’t feel valued or appreciated at work. good luck xxxx

- tash

[rqs902]

.

more random thoughts as i finish season 2....

some of my favorite moments are when the kids are cheering each other on, its the cutest thing!!! 

he yifan and zuo qibo fanboy screaming over liu ye’s rap in ‘boy in luv’ and yu gengyin and cai xukun’s relay chanting “jin ming!” “jia you!’ and ofc “dai jing” “yao na ka!!!!!” hahahahhaha i love their friendship and i love silly gengyin!!! literally even when getting off the car this ep he was so silly and when he was about to go on stage and he was like aight kids i got this, i love seeing him being less stressed ahhhh

OOF THEY LABELED IT AGAIN 

awww HE WONNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHH when it got announced, i literally clutched my chest and was like ‘my childdddddddddd’ aaaaaahhhhhhhhhh honestly i wasnt gonna be surprised if zuo qibo won this round but IM SO PROUD OF XIAO YU awwwwww he did so well!!!! he like worked really hard to give off a mischievous/ bad boy aura and i think it was such a refreshing and well-executed change for him that it left a strong impression c: whereas qibo is normally already very flower boy / nice guy so i dont think it was as impactful for him to continue playing a role he already embodies normally, altho he was very good-looking on this stage!! but gengyin really went out of his way to try to act cool and carry himself with that kind of aura of handsomeness / arrogance that he’s not really used to portraying and im super proud of him for pulling it off :’) continuously saying ‘我不夠壞’ hahhahhaa but similar to in the sakura stage where he was commended for his powerful stage presence, he’s continuing to build on his new improvements and im super happy he’s still riding on this high c: last ep ‘on rainy days’ i was thriving on hearing his voice smooth over those high notes and this ep’s song wasnt as lyrical, but he still managed to get some vocalizations in and im loving all this extra camera time and focus on his eye smiles. watching gengyin just smile and seeing his eyes crinkle up just makes me so happy inside c: oh! and then when he walks back into the waiting room and hes like “yaayy 努力沒有白費 yaaaaayy!!!!!” im just ooof my heart im so happy for him :’) 

also i gotta say, huadi’s attitude towards liuye is kinda scary? I know theyre all being competitive and thats the nature of this show but like liu ye kept telling him to back off basically (and not even for his own sake, but bc he knew huadi’s dancing intensity was negatively affecting jin ming and also the cohesiveness of their group overall) and huadi was still like ‘i need to show myself off so i can win’ and i felt like his attitude was off, like ‘obviously im the best, thanks’ which later became ‘i cant believe i lost, what did he do better’ whereas liu ye was also very confident but to me he came off as less intense and more calm. like ‘i know im the best, so you can go ahead and try to upstage me, but ill just do my best on my end and quietly watch you sabotage yourself’ at least thats how i perceived it .-. but idk yea i enjoyed watching liu ye more and it felt like huadi was trying too hard. but i am glad that huadi and muti resolved their issues last ep 

daidai’s stage presence during ‘overdose’ tho? he was really handsome!!! i dont normally react much to daidai’s performances but idk this time i really noticed him in contrast to jeffrey and yongju. i think he just seemed more confident than usual and all the little smiles helped. his hair flipping reminded me of muti and his sass LOL 

its really interesting to see cai xukun’s progression through this show and how everyone around him reacts as he goes through this growth process. i would say he wasnt given an absurdly greater amount of screentime but you can tell hes been building up credibility and holds a strong rank among the rest. i would say its not realllyy until the last few eps of season 2 that he pulls ahead of the rest by a significant amount. i was always thinking wu muti was a strong competitor to him but after seeing them and he yifan’s stage, it was pretty clear to me that cxk had successfully exceeded everyone else and ascended to his own level. watching the process through which he gradually builds his now-signature stage presence and now-signature voice is really fascinating and near the end of the season, he already can overshadow everyone else. it seems like huadi is very vocal about how handsome kun has become on stage, yifan doesnt hesitate to admit how good kun is, and gengyin has already admitted early on that they all should learn from kun. zuo qibo is also quick to commend kun but then it seems like muti avoids it? i can kinda guess he might be a bit jealous bc hes always been complimented and lauded on stage but then after he lost so significantly to cxk, im guessing that would be a blow to him. on the show, cxk and wmt both seem very very eager to promote themselves and are very willing to fight for opportunities that they each deem best for themselves. unlike some of the other kids who are more willing to work for the team as a whole more. not that the two of them are bad at teamwork, but i think they definitely arent afraid to demonstrate that they want to stand out and i think thats important in this industry and likely part of how cxk got so ahead. its just interesting to compare this cxk to the cxk on idol producer who knew at that point that he didnt need to fight to stand out because he already did, and he tried so hard to help the other kids around him. 

i feel like i should redo my current ranking list, but i guess with the kids who are on the show this time? (minus the s2 kids, bc lets face it, theyd be at the very bottom anyway) rn its mostly tiered like 1, then 2-7, then 8-10. i appreciate liu ye being a good teacher and leader and the way he yifan seems to be able to joke around with everyone and keep their spirits up. muti’s fireiness kinda scared me in the last few eps but i appreciate that he was mature enough to talk it out with huadi and admit he had been too stressed/riled up lately.

gengyin 

muti 

liu ye

cai xukun

he yifan 

zuo qibo

zhao pinlin (gosh im sad hes so injured) 

dai jingyao

huadi 

yongju

HAHAHAHHA THE PART WHERE ZFZ CHALLENGES THEM TO AN AB BATTLE AND YGY STEPS UP AND EVERYONES IN SHOCK BUT HE JUST RUNS DOWN THE LINE TO PUSH DAIDAI TO THE FRONT HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA i love a true silly boy 

its just so interesting bc the latter half of this season (after ygy gets nominated for elimination i guess) feels like they enjoy giving ygy camera time and attention and esp ep 8 onward hes gotten so much positive feedback ive just been amazed and so happy. and now at the end... you can tell hes really pushing himself bc hes seen that he can do well and that if he really goes above and beyond he really does have a good chance, and seeing his confidence go up with each stage that he performs well is really gratifying and im so proud of him, seeing how determined and driven he is. i just find it funny how confident he is about rap all of a sudden HAHHAHA i mean he did do very well rapping during the sakura stage and the judges did compliment him a lot for it so i cant blame him. 

omgosh the part where the teacher tells muti that he’s already lost to cxk bc cxk got picked during the first round and he hasnt yet....... oof if this is how they talk to him and they keep comparing him to cxk saying their styles are alike but cxk is better, i can see why he’d have some negative feelings towards the matter. the kid’s literally a child, i dont think this is the right way to motivate him....... liu ye patting his head to comfort a pouting muti aw 

because now its my duty to screenshot every time they label his smile !!! and this one even labels it as his “cute signature smile” ahhhHHHH THEY KNOW 

HAHAHHAHA SO I WAS TALKING TO MY SISTER and she sent us pics of her new boyfriend and i was like lol im still single BUT ive been watching a new show and i have a new bias HAHAHAH and i proceeded to show her pictures of yu gengyin i have saved on my phone HAHAHAHHA and she was like “he looks just like your type” HAHHAHAHAHAHA SHE KNOWSSS but yea i was like ‘LOOK HOW SMILEY HE IS!!!” and she was like “the dog is cuter” AHAHAHAHHAHA but its ok shes used to this. and it just reminded me of the time i showed her the ip PPAP perf with zhengting and she like straight up guessed zhengting was my fav in that perf and i was like LOL YES and she was like hE LOOKS LIKE YOUR TYPE hahahHHAHHAHahahhaAHAHAHAH my type is somewhere along the lines of zhengting and gengyin yes. 

huadi’s never-ending battle of fighting to be seen as more than a dancer... to be continued during afo :(

zuo qibo’s struggle of feeling the pressure of being an old man..... feels bad :(

aw he yifan is really so cute. hes def really improved and really doing well, but i feel like his stage presence could still be stronger. its nice to know that during afo he does really shine stage presence-wise and grows to become more mature, more respected, and a group leader as well. 

man its so nice to see daidai really thriving and confident and owning these stages because honestly i feel like on the shows ive seen him in since, including produce camp, hes given me the impression of someone whos lost his confidence and doesnt get to show his skills. i really hope he still has this super-idol version of himself in him because he really shines here, and i think it makes him seem even more handsome than just his appearance alone. oof its just hard bc this show really loves him and the judges really love him and hes so well-supported and encouraged and i think it makes a big difference in his confidence level. i feel like on other shows he hasnt been valued nearly as much and its really sad bc the kid just seems so much less confident. 

HAHAHAHA IM SORRY EVEN THO I KNEW IT WAS COMING BC OBVIOUSLY I KNOW THE FINAL LINEUP OF SWIN BUT OMG EVERYONE WAS SOOOOO SURPRISED HE YIFAN MADE IT OVER ZUO QIBO AND IM LAUGHING AHHAHAHHAHAHAH EVERYONE’S LOOK OF ASTONISHMENT IS TOO MUCH AHAHHAHAHA NO ONE HAD FAITH IN HE YIFAN ISTG HAHAHAHHAHA EVEN HE YIFAN HIMSELF IS LIKE WAT HAHAHHAAHHHAAH BUT THEN HIS ADORABLY BRIGHT SMILE IN CONTRAST WITH EVERYONE’S SHOCKED FACES IS ALSO HILARIOUS HAHAHHAHA this situation is just terrible but hilarious at the same time /sigh/ rip zuo qibo im sorry youre old but cant win :( honestly tho i can understand why they picked he yifan bc he does have more to offer the group than qibo :( considering they put daidai in and they already have yongju (and im assuming yu gengyin will be the last one) and even muti and liu ye sing (and i guess pinlin can also be considered a backup lol).... having another lead vocal isnt gonna to contribute much versus he yifan’s low tone rap. he yifan is really a cute little bean tho. oof the way he runs straight into cai xukun’s arms oof friendship

sigh so i guess its after this that yongju gets kicked out bc china (poor kid...) and then at some point daidai leaves and they randomly add in pinlin after he recovers? even tho he wasnt in like half of season 2? lol but i guess he was never eliminated.... so technically that puts him ahead of zuo qibo in terms of next-in-line to be a vocalist? but i guess honestly everyone knows that if pinlin hadnt left the show due to his injury, he wouldve been the main vocal of leo’s group, not zuo qibo. so i guess in a way as long as pinlin recovered in time, he would be considered the best vocalist to add to swin-s. and then they pull some eliminated kids to become swin-e..... going back to watch the “new world” mv is really a trip every single time. i feel like i watched it for the first time after watching ip and literally only recognized cai xukun, and every time after, i recognized a few more kids, after afo, after pdc, and after finishing super idol 1, i finally recognized all of them. but now, after watching season 2, it feels like i finally actually understand why they got picked and i truly appreciate all 6 of them. I think its really amazing to see yu gengyin go from being ranked #1 in the very first audition on the first season, to being so close to getting eliminated in season 2, to being the last one chosen to get a super card at the end of s2, to being a main vocal in “new world”, and truly truly owning that song. i mean besides cai xukun obviously upstaging everyone with his stage presence as usual, but i mean now when i listen to the song (not even watching the mv) and im really paying attention to who’s singing what part, whose voice really gets to shine and gets to dominate the song, its yu gengyin. maybe im biased or maybe its just expected since he is the main vocal, but i guess it just amuses me that i never noticed that before when i watched this mv without knowing him. now i know whose voice it is that is carrying their debut song and it makes it so special. from listening to later swin songs, i feel like zhao pinlin eventually gets himself a much larger cut of the main vocal position (to the point of surpassing gengyin even?), but i mean that is a whole other story, and i think it does flow into zhao pinlin becoming the ultimate main vocal once gengyin leaves. interestingly zuo qibo never does seem to redeem himself from being any more relevant of a vocal within the group, even tho he was def main vocal of leo’s group on s2 after zhao pinlin left... its like as soon as pinlin leaves he’s needed but when pinlin is there, he’s ignored :( gosh as soon as they announced all the winners and qibo wasnt included, his eyes just became so empty you could see his pain. 

but yes this ends my essay about the last few eps of super idol s2. LOLL i just started compiling my thoughts into larger rant posts bc i didnt want my whole dash to be littered with a bunch of small random posts, so i started collecting my thoughts on a draft as i watched and waited until it got unbearably long to post, such as now. but watching super idol 1 & 2 has been really an eye-opening experience. ive learned a lot about these kids and its truly made me appreciate the year long training they had in korea and the many many struggles and setbacks and unique experiences they had. honestly i feel like swin couldve easily been 8 people aka swin-s plus huadi and zuo qibo, because honestly theyre all very skilled and capable at this point, and huadi and zuo qibo are really on a different level from gouhao and zhu yunlong (sorry kids, i still appreciate yall tho!) since they werent on like a majority of season 2, but i guess it really doesnt matter in the very long run bc of what happened to swin anyway. such a sad sad history for them to bear, but i do hope they can all achieve some kind of success in the future, because theyve really suffered and worked so hard. ill look forward to watching old swin clips for the time being, as i wait not-so-patiently for afo2 

ps: random update, i did in fact make a gengyin gif into my phone lock screen HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH i gave in to the feels. but its the hair flip from that one ikon song he won his individual battle for, and its a historic and important moment okay HAHAHAH 

[badfey]

I have a friend with an eating disorder and you seem to know a lot about it. and i don't know anything! so i'm wondering • how do you know so much, do you or a friend have one? • how can i support and help my friend through it. (he also has anxiety and depression so if you have any tips on them you could chuck them in) i know your not a professional but i want to know your personal tips on how you would (or currently do idk) support a friend thank you :))

hi, i myself have been through minor eating problems, but luckily its never spiralled or become a disorder of its own. most of the people im closest to have had EDs, so i do know a lot about supporting them through it. this message is kinda more tailored to EDs, but if u want more advice on the other stuff just shoot another ask bc i have a lot of experience w that too 

 i’ll preface this by saying that just as every person is unique, so will be their relation with their disorder. here are some ways you can help [under the cut because this got long] 

TW: eating disorders, food, self harm, mental illness

getting help: 

if your friend has an eating disorder, they need help. EDs are practically impossible to overcome on your own, and the longer someone goes without treatment, the harder it is to recover. without help, EDs have a very low survival rate 

 if theyre already getting help for anxiety/depression, they should tell the therapist and get help that way. 

 if theyre on a waiting list (or not receiving any help at all) they should tell their gp, and bc of the seriousness of EDs they will be seen faster 

 if theyre not ready to get treatment, you gotta gently but persistently encourage them to get professional help. in some situations, u might have to tell someone on their behalf, but i would say to avoid that or at least do it with open communication so they can still trust u after. denial is a Huge part of EDs, so u have to help them push past that 

 when they first start getting ed help, it will feel like therapists and doctors suddenly dont care about their mental well-being as long as theyre eating. if this is the case, they need to tell their therapist. hopefully their therapist listens, but if not then it could be an idea to carry on ed treatment w them, and see a different person abt the rest 

 recovery only really makes a difference when u stop fighting it. when u stop doing exercises in ur room, when u stop secretly tracking calories, when u stop only pretending to follow your therapy plan 

 supporting them 

 theyre gonna need u as a friend a lot in this time. if you can be someone they can depend on, thats the best thing. however, dont put their needs before ur own: u are just as important too 

talk to them ! like when uve got depression, its easy to want to isolate urself. let me tell u, that gets u nowhere except miserable. just keep talking to them and stuff. sometimes its really important to be able to vent and talk out the big issues. other times its better to talk about light and unimportant things. i think this is the most important one 

validate their struggles. this is v important because even tho u want to show them how life does get better, theyre going through genuine hell right now, so just pointing out that it gets better feels like ur ignoring how bad they have it 

lead by example. do u struggle w body image? ya me too, but im working on it. work on it openly: promoting self love will help u both tremendously 

here is a v good list of things to avoid 

remember tht recovery is long hard and painful, but completely necessary. at the start of getting help, coping becomes really hard bc control gets taken away, and it seems like their entire life starts to revolve around food. it gets easier with time 

recovery blogs r ur best friend!!!!!!!!! for both of u. they offer support and advice and constant insight into how u can be there for ppl, or urself. block thinspo blogs. they can rot.  here are some good recovery blogs

 find out what they like and dislike. and triggers. if they dont like people commenting on what they eat, always move the subject away from that if others start to talk. same w anything that makes them uncomfortable 

encourage recovery. they will probably be constantly cold weak miserable and irrationally guilty, but recovery can change that. sometimes its important to remember just how bad being ill feels in order to keep choosing recovery (same goes for any mental illness)

 things to remember (important for everyone to know, not just those supporting people) 

 an eating disorder is a mental illness, not a body type. any person of any shape can have an ED, they dont have to look a certain way for their struggles to be valid 

 an ED is a mental illness that affects the persons relationship w food. this means there are many different eating disorders, and none of them are more valid than another. not everyone restricts, not everyone purges, not everyone binges 

some people develop food issues as a form of control: when everything else in your life is beyond you, its one thing people can control. until it begins to control them. this is why giving up control to start recovery can be so hard 

for some people it’s body image issues. for some people its control (as said above). for some people its a way to self harm. for lots of people its any combination of the above 

 thats about all ive got right now, hopefully this is what you were after. if you dont feel confident in supporting them, keep asking people for advice. get your own chain of support (u cant support someone well unless u have people u can trust and confide in). follow recovery blogs. theyre honestly the best, and provide a better and more detailed insight than ive been able to. supporting people through things this huge is hard, and ur a good friend for trying.

 its a learning process, and youll get better at it. thats why looking for other peoples advice is so important: it helps u improve. the first time i tried to help someone through an ED, i was 14 and with problems of my own, so i wasnt a good support at all, and i had no idea what to do. you’ll be better than i was (already seeking experienced advice shows this), and as long as you care youll be fine. your friend will be okay too, in time 

[scarletrebel]

more destiny oc stuff: avias past and yr 1 destiny timeline

totally inspired by @mrpinstripesuit‘s post last night, also featuring their guardians, also @nattiebug14 and @lostinthehaywoods oc’s carver and cornelia

(im making a lot of assumptions on how grier and avia met btw pin so if theres anything you disagree with or wanna change thats cool!!)

- petra and avia become part of the queens guard - uldren takes an interest in avia, potential for her to become a crow, which she really, really doesnt want - reef wars, petras sister dies, avia begins to question the awoken, why this happened 

- petra grieves, avia is alone for the longest time and becomes frustrated, wondering what they're even fighting for - petra is promoted to the corsairs and avia has mixed feelings. petra needs the direction but avia doesnt think a promotion will fix anything, also if avia was a corsair uldren would Leave Her Alone.  - tries to convince petra that everything is bullshit but petra just hears jealousy and treason - uldren pulls her up on it, and that's when she knows she needs to Leave - steals a harbinger at the first opportunity she gets - gets out of the reef and into our solar system before the other harbingers find her - it's a long ass fight, avia is able to evade them for the longest time until they shoot her engines out somewhere around the moon - she dies. the harbingers leave. a ghost is born, shakes its shell, and starts searching. - the remnants of her ship, with her nestled in the cockpit, break orbit of earth and crash land in the cosmodrome - she's revived with her memory in tact and her heart broken to pieces - she rejects her ghost and the light at first but her ghost is persistent and she gives in and follows him through the cosmodrome to find a ship - they make it to the tower and she's so fucking scared. the awoken do not speak highly of the guardians. - but her ghost leads her gently to cayde and he welcomes her jovially. doesn't much care for her past (only because he doesn't expect her to know it) - going through the D1 story is what gives her the direction she needed and begins to ground her, making her realise she can be a better person than she ever was at the reef - afterwards she admits to cayde that she remembers everything, after figuring out that it's not a Thing amongst guardians because she's Confused. he's supportive and passes her onto Ikora - huge mistake - she loves Ikora - cayde is kind of sad about it (jk) - Ikora tells her about the thananotauts and at the concept avia kind of puts her nose up to. it sound stupid and weird to her and refuses to explore it, like ‘oh hey actually I don't care that much I'll just keep being a guardian who has my memory as a bonus yay’ - avia kind of wanders around for a bit, patrolling and running strikes with guardians she never keeps in touch with. this is where she learns that she really, really doesnt get along with a lot of other hunters.

- petra comes to the tower as the queens emissary. avia doesnt recognise her at first but petra recognises her and its

- its not a good time for avia. petra tries to speak to her but avia bails all the way to venus and has a good old fashioned breakdown

- ikora calls her back and puts her on a mission to find tolands scattered journals. she fears the worst ones may still be out there and she doesnt want any wayward guardians finding them and abusing what power may lie within

- little does avia know she has another warlock, scarlet-2, searching for them as well. 

- this is how scarlet and avia meet, with avia acting like a cat who caught their own reflection whenever scarlet is around 

- scarlet doesnt much care even though this pint sized hunter constantly trying to one up her is. amusing. 

- petra tries to approach avia again when shes in the tower with scarlet and the warlock very gently diffuses the situation, and has figured out by now that avia likes to Run Away and so she takes them to the cosmdrome 

- avia doesnt give a lot of details, but basically explains the situation to scarlet and mentions that ikora wanted her to talk to the thananotauts and scarlets like ‘ew. you dont need to talk to them. they’re weird and desperate for answers youre fine the way you are.’ 

- and a friendship is born 

- petra venj leaves the tower. 

- a fireteam takes on the vault of glass, and avia is only slightly disappointed she wasnt there

- avia spends a lot of time with scarlet and by extension lots of other warlocks too. she becomes a running joke to the vanguard mentors that she chose the wrong class. 

- so scarlet and eden met after twilight gap, they both helped build the wall and they became really close buddies. scarlet tells eden that she may have finally found a hunter for their fireteam and eden is so. excited. 

- eris morn returns from the moon, and avia sees this funny little warlock awoken talking with her all. the damn. time. 

- eden and avia meet, and avia is overwhelmed. she thinks that eden must be a new guardian and doesnt care to ask anything about her and wonders how the hell her and scarlet of all people are so close

- she doesnt really give the friendship a chance (although eden is patient and knows avias type all too well) until zavala asks eden to do routine sweeps of earth and the moon to make sure these blades of crota are kept at bay

- of course, eden drags avia along with her and it takes a wayward mention of building the wall for avia to get off her damn high horse and start taking eden seriously 

- they dont really take part in the dark below campaign, just keep on top of the rise in hive activity whilst scarlet talks to ikora and eris and studies the hive at the tower, in the middle of one of her ‘not leaving the tower’ phases that eden tells avia about

- which causes avia to a) worry about scarlet and b) begin to realise shes starting to care for people 

- emotions are weird you guys 

- avia starts to ask eden about the wall, twilight gap, everything that came before she got to the tower. eden answers all her questions with a raw truthfulness, although she doesnt know the specifics and laughs that scarlet would be better to go to for the history of the guardians and such, but avia is just fine with what eden tells her 

- and avia tells eden about her past, about dying but still remembering everything and petra. eden is very chill and happy for avia that shes somewhere better now, that shes trying to be better. 

- yay now avia has TWO whole friends. they become an official fireteam and eden is far too excited about it. 

- avia starts seeing that funny little awoken warlock less and less, and asks scarlet about him. she knows hes gone missing but kind of shrugs it off as a thing that warlocks do. avia says if scarlet ever does that avia will Hunt Her Down. scarlet just laughs.

- (she says this in earshot of ikora) 

- crota is killed. again, avia wanted to be there. she needs more friends

- avia basically sticks like glue to scarlet and eden, kind of refusing to run strikes and missions with any other guardians which is a problem

- avia meets carver and cornelia through eden and scarlet but is still really prickly. her fireteam are at their wits end. 

- ikora straight up forces avia on a mission with another warlock, and of course its the funny one who went missing a while back 

- she sees something in ikoras eyes when they meet for the first time but knows better than to question it 

- this. kid. is. a. handful. 

- their mission is something hive related, a big risk on ikoras part but avia guides them through safely. 

- ‘ooh a hive thing!’ ‘do we need to know about the hive thing?’ ‘no, but I-’ ‘then lets move on grier.’ ‘but-’ ‘now.’

- ‘youre mean, avia.’ ‘im also keeping us alive.’ ‘you dont have to be mean about it.’ 

- ‘fine, i will stop being mean if you start doing what i tell you to. deal?’ 

- idk i kind of imagine grier latching onto avia for reasons that i cant explain bc grier isnt my character but hes basically exactly what avia needs at this point in her life, a funny little warlock who gets under her skin. 

- she massively underestimates him, reminding her of what she did with eden so she loosens up and gives him a chance. 

- they run more missions and strikes together. she asks questions about his gun, his attire, why he likes the hive so damn much.  

- he tells her about toland and the hive, and the weapons of sorrow whilst explaining bad juju. she makes a mental note to keep an eye on him whenever he uses it (and somewhere ikora smiles gently to herself. it scares cayde.) 

- she tells him about the journals she found in the wild and he just :oooooooo asks a lot of questions about where and what was in them and what that could infer

- ‘wait avia, i thought you didnt care about hive stuff?’ ‘what? no, i just... dont like getting off track during missions.’ ‘oh. then does that mean you also actually like me and arent mean to me cause you dont?’ 

- she begins to find him quite endearing. 

- he gets them out of a lot of jams during missions just from his practical know-how and shes impressed too. 

- also asks a lot of questions about his sunsinger abilities and esp reviving himself. shes only ever seen scarlet be a voidwalker so sunsinger amazes her endlessly. she sees grier as a lot more powerful than he sees himself, and again, its totally endearing to her. 

- he introduces her to rook and eve. avia steers clear of rook at first, even though she finds him handsome straight off the bat.

- they play a few iron banner matches together, a mixture of griers fireteam, hers and carver and cornelia. avia starts to develop a crush after realising how laid back and relaxed rook is.

- also how freaking good at crucible he is. 

- he’s really easy to be around, she can be herself around him, around another hunter which is something she never thought she’d have. i imagine that means they talk about their class a lot seeing as avia never really did that with anyone else, or really cayde for that matter. it helps to get an insight into what being a hunter is all about from a guy who doesnt take it so seriously. 

- the flirting starts, playful and nothing serious and we allllllll knowwwww where that leads to

- then the wolves revolt. 

- before the tower even find out, she receives a message from petra, apologising. asking her questions about being a guardian, how she is. avia ignores it, the first of many. 

- she Refuses to get involved. 

- not even scarlet and eden can convince her. or ikora. or cayde. 

- but grier comes back from the reef one day and looks really dejected and hurt and avia is just. who hurt you. what happened. and he explains that none of the awoken at the reef like him??? he thinks a couple of them looked at him weird he couldnt tell it was all confusing and avia kind of sighs and. explains some things. 

- she tells him that she used to be Awoken and that she knew petra and basically tells him everything about her past whilst explaining that the Awoken have a very high opinion of themselves  - they go back to the reef together, but she still doesnt want to get involved in the uprising. 

- she goes and patches things tentatively with petra another day. its a case of avia explaining how she became a guardian and petra explaining why she was forced to become an emissary after accidentally killing a team of guardians. its an amicable, but strained relationship. they basically realise that they were never friends, just competitors. theyre both happier where they are now.

- avia grows closer to grier to the point where they’re inseparable, she flirts with rook, runs missions and strikes with her fireteam and really starts to come into her own as a guardian 

- she runs a lot of prison of elders with cornelia and carver and grows closer to them too, eventually apologising for being a little standoffish when they first met

- now avia has SO MANY FRIENDS and gets really emotional whenever she thinks about it 

and then taken king and rise of iron happen and they deserve posts of themselves tbh but!!! avias D1 experience!!! i love this kid so much

[jeshikawa]

We had our end of the year enkai a few days ago! I haven't been able to write about it because I've been running around wild preparing for my trip to the US (I'm waiting to board now!)

One of my JTEs did not survive the transfers. I knew one of them would have to leave because I heard a rumor that someone was coming in. I had an idea of who it would be too… two of my JTE only recently transferred in so I felt like they were safe. I have three other JTE and one of them was so excited to find out she wasn't transferring, she whispered it to me asap. The other two teachers had been there for almost 10 years. One is a third year teacher who is single and the other is a first year teacher who has a young child. While i didn't want any of them to leave, my money was on the third year teacher because all of her students had graduated, she didn't have any family holding her here, and I'd been watching her low key clean off her desk and the visiting ALT desk next to her for a week.

It ended up being the first year teacher.:(

The third year teacher told me and as soon as I heard I screamed, "BUT SHE HAS A CHILD!" And another JTE was surprised and laughed like, "OMG they're transferring her they aren't *killing* her." (trying to lighten the mood). It turns out she's tranfering to a school much closer to where she lives so it works out. :( I'm sad though because she is absolutely the teacher I work with the most and she was so incredibly kind and wonderful and I get all sad thinking about it again.

My mom had sent me some "GREAT TEACHER! YOU'RE WONDERFUL! THANKS, TEACHER!" things in a care package. Knowing they were things I'd leave behind in Japan anyway, I decided to regift one to her. It was a little mini chalkboard with messages like "You're an amazing teacher. A+ teacher. Thank you!" and other message painted on it. It's a generic thing you'd see on a teacher's desk in the US and I felt like she'd dig it because it's such a traditional thing to give a teacher as an American.

I explained it to her and gave it to her. About an hour later after she'd taken the time to process all of her gifts, she came to me ask me to re-explain. "All American teachers get these?!" And I was like, "Well, not all, but they're very common. They're easy to find in stores and very affordable so even students with little money can get them. They can be things like mugs or paperweights or bookends with grateful messages or school shapes."

She was really surprised because!!! This isn't very common at all in Japan. It isn't even a thing!!! So while she'd received things like flowers and cards and small gifts from students/coworkers, she'd never received an omiyage that was the equivalent of a WORLD'S GREATEST TEACHER mug. She started to tear up and hugged me in the middle of the office.Some teachers asked what that was about bc they were curious, she explained, and everyone came over to check out her little chalkboard desk prop. When she explained to them in Japanese, there were a lot of "Ehs?!" and the other English teachers explained how no one had ever heard of this being a thing before and even if it was a generic gift in the US, it was *incredibly touching* here.

Like, note to self, buy more mini goods like that when I go to the US,wtf.

Below the cut: Other teacher transfers that hit me, office gossip, and me making a new friend at enkai

My kocho and kyoto sensei also transferred. :( This also made me sad because while the two of them don't speak English well, they made genuine efforts to try and always always always ALWAYS made me feel welcome in the office. Like, if I was ever alone in the office, kyoto sensei would check on me. If I was looking at something on the board in the hallway, kocho sensei would try to explain. THEY WERE SO GOOD AND IM SO SAD.

IM JUST SO SAD. I know they're going to be great but I'm just kicking myself. I wish I could have talked to them more I wish I could have gotten to know them better.

Nothing really spectacular happened at enkai. It was just a normal enkai tbh… I got to thank the three of them for being so kind and good to me and wished them luck. Found out kyoto sensei is being promoted and he'll be the kocho sensei at a special education school. I knew his concentration was education but i didn't know his second one was special education! He was really excited to go to the school… it's a very unique school that I won't describe because it might be easy to figure out (not that anyone cares???). I think he'll be amazing there.

ANWYAY I'M GOING TO THE USA NOW and when I come back, we might also have a new office??? I told my supervisor that if they change the office on one of my nenkyuu days (when I'm back in Japan), I'm willing to come in and help move my things. He said it wouldn't be neccessary but I still wanted to put the offer out there.The JHS and SHS staff rooms might be combined! The SHS ALT thought out loud and said if the staff is combined, it might be nice if I pick up some SHS classes since out of the 3 permanent ALT, I'm the one that actually has teacher training and experience but I don't do lessons in the JHS which seems like a waste. Two SHS teaches and my supervisor were there and they were like, "Really?" and asked what I thought. I said I'd be willing to do SHS classes once a week at least if only because the SHS ALT do a JHS class once a week. They *know* I have experience and training and they're aware that I'm not really used at my full potential at the JHS because of the way it's set up. There was a lot of nodding and saying that might be a good idea.

Kind of related in the same vein, one of the SHS JTE has been talking to me a lot lately. He's a little awkward but very friendly. At enkai, he mentioned he used to be an ALT supervisor but he didn't get along with his ALT (apparently she didn't like him). He never understood why but he assumed it was something about him. He also mentioned he knows he frustrates the two SHS ALT sometimes because he sends back their lesson plans when they bring them to him. I was really surprised! He's honestly really nice and cool. I did tell him that the SHS ALT have told me they really appreciate his feedback.I also know some things about the person he supervised and I strongly suspect it wasnt' him but them. I didn' tell him this because it's none of my business to put their business out there but yeah. He looked really happy when I said that. We spent the rest of the enkai talking about Japanese and American education. He wanted to know about what American students are taught to become teachers and what different types of assessment and activities teachers did in American classes. I think I gave him some cool ideas to try out for his own classes (the ones without ALT). I offered to send him some of my favorite lesson plans— they're all social studies but he could see the lesson plan template I used and the things I'd look out for. I also offered to bring back my TESL notebook and assignments from the US and he looked like it was Christmas.I can tell he really likes teahching and wants to do more for the students here. I feel like he's one of those teachers that might make a huge difference on a bigger scale some day so I want to help where I can.