#like ive fallen asleep at the most random places

[cranesrevenge]

dbz-niyusu replied to your post: Me? Sleeping at NIGHT? Unheard of

i can NOT sleep and when I can frankly ME TOO

honestly i have the opposite problem where my body just p much shuts down whenever it feels like, even if i dont feel tired, so me sleeping at night is weird bc i usually fall asleep during the day dbhjfbd

[wizkiddx]

worst case scenario part 3

umm so, never ever intended it to be this long but here we are. again this is v dark so please please read the warning!! also [and obvs] this is very medically inaccurate and just a work of my head aha

[part 1] [part 2]

warning: mentions of death / hospital / mentions of childhood abandonment too- please don't read if this could affect you <3

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His heart was thundering in his chest, so much so it drowned out all other sounds making all the doctors words fade into the background. Conciously, he really was trying to listen to what the doctor was saying; consciously he knew she was trying to prepare him to see Y/n; consciously he knew she knew he wasn’t okay. But really? It didn’t matter, and as they drew closer to his fiancé Tom felt an urgent sense of relief purely know she was there. She was there and she wasn’t dead…yet. 

Only two people were allowed to go up, just because the nature of the ward - everything was meticulously controlled, including the comings and goings of visitors. If you’ve never been in an ICU it’s a pretty hard environment to describe. Really, it’s just another hospital ward, with capacity of about 20 beds. Each bed has much more equipment surrounding that the average and a nurse is stationed per patient, monitoring every possible variable that the machienes are measuring, so any trend (either positive or negative) can be identified at the earliest point. Though in everyones head, it seems as though ICU is a common place ending up for some unfortunate sod when something bad happens, it’s actually really rare for someone to be so ill and dependant on medicine to maintain normal body functioning. Only the most severe trauma, infection of the most dangerous microorganism, surgery of such high stakes normally make an appearance on the ward. And ,on average, between 8-20% patients that are admitted to an ICU never make it out. 

And those grim figures were unignorable to anyone. As soon as you walk through the doors, the atmosphere is intense and ineffable. It’s not spoken, but is so incredibly morbid it makes anyone shiver. 

Dom felt this, squeezing his sons shoulder as he followed Tom and the doctor, just a pace or so behind them. Having offered to go with Tom, whilst Harrison took Nikki to see the baby, Dom was now feeling just as clueless as his son did. Except he was actually listening to what the doctor was trying to warn them about and it scared him. The three, made it to the door and with a swipe of her ID card the doctor admitted the Holland men in. Gratefully, none of the staff took any notice of who was walking in, they were much too busy for that - Dom was incredibly relieved, had someone recognised Tom when he was in this state, god knows what would’ve happened.

The doctors pace was with purpose, perhaps so that the two couldn’t spend too long ogling the other patients in the beds - who all looked almost unhuman with the amount of tubes and wires coming out and into them. But then, she slowed up, halting infront of a bay about 5 or 6 down the ward. Spinning on her heel and with a subtle nod to momentarily release the nurse from her post at Y/n’s bedside, to give them a bit of privacy, she looked at the two men. 

“You can touch her, just be gentle with the wires.”

Shellshocked and terrified, Tom was frozen those 2 metres away from the bed barely able to see her face over all the equipment. Yet undoubtedly, it was his finance’s delicate visage lying on the white pillow, with a thick white mouthpiece and tube covering her mouth and stuffed into her nose. Not able to move, both Dom and Dr Goodwell sensitively waited - it was an adjustment to say the least, seeing someone you knew so well look so different. With quiet tears starting to roll down his eyes, Tom eventually started to inch toward the bedside, taking his time to try and absorb everything of this frankly ridiculous situation. He couldn’t get over how, even considering it all, above her nose it just looked like Y/n. Like she was asleep in their bed, eyes closed as if she had once again  fallen asleep infront of a random Netflix movie Tom had bugged her enough to watch in bed. And it was, ever so slightly comforting. That was still her, that was still the love of his life lying there. And she was still alive - which given the last few hours, was enough. 

Reaching the bedside, Tom naturally reached out and stroked the top of her head delicately, pulling into place a few rogue strands that seemed to have a mind of their own - she had always hated when her hair got frizzy. The picture had Tom’s mind casting back to their first holiday, a serene if quick few days in Fiji-  though Y/n didnt know this , that holiday had been one of the most important times in their relationship for Tom. Until then, given the nature of his job, the couple had only ever managed brief periods together. They spent time together as and when they could in between Tom’s busy schedule but it was never as long as they’d like. Somehow though, he’d managed to squeeze a few days away to surprise Y/n with the trip. 

It was everything he’d ever hoped it would be and more. In fact it was then Tom was oh so sure he would be spending the rest of his life with her. This thought crossed his mind on the last morning, when he had for once woken up before Y/n - her head mere cms away from his on the pillow. Just like now, her hair had been all over the place and her sparkling green eyes locked shut. Contrastingly though, in Fiji the sight had made him smile softly; now it just made him cry again. 

“Would you like a minute alone Mr Holland? We will just wait outside?” Not even turning round to properly respond to the doctor, Tom just nodded violently, not taking his eyes off his fiancé - waiting till he heard his Dad and the doctor leave the bay; then the curtains be completely drawn to a close, before he shakily cleared his throat to whisper.

“Hey darling… you um-you’ve scared me shitless today… and… and I’m supposed to be the dramatic one in the relationship.” Chuckling wetly, Tom clasped his other hand in Y/n’s - still mindful of the IV port coming out of the top of her wrist. Not that he was expecting any sort of response, yet the lack of her squeezing his hand back still had his heart sink. “Look I…I love you so bloody much and I really need you to get better okay? You’ve never listened to me before but I really am begging you to now, I just.” Swallowing thickly, he shut his eyes momentarily and delicately rested his forehead on hers - his touch feather light. Just needing to feel her. “I just really need you and I really love you., okay?” 

Unsurprisingly he didn’t get a response. The rhetorical question hung in the air alone, safe the mechanical whir of the ventilator and various chimes of the machines and monitor, till his Dad came in. Grasping and squeezing his shoulder lightly, Dom provided the stimulus for his son to unfold from over the bed, standing upright, as both men just took in the sight of Y/n lying there for a minute or two. 

“I need her Dad. I-I-“

“I know Tom.” Speaking so quietly it was barely audible, Dom’s eventual agreement at what Tom was saying was in a way a relief. Haz and his mum had both either been saying or implying that they would be okay no matter what - which came from a good place but was so infuriating. Because god forbid, if this situation got worse Tom knew it wouldn’t be okay. Nothing would ever be okay again. So his Dad’s simple acknowledgment meant a lot, causing Tom to turn round and embrace his slightly shorter father. 

Dr Goodwell silently watched the exchange for a short while and once the men eventually pulled away she stepped forward to give some more information. She went through what all the biggest and scary looking tubes and wires were doing for Y/n, before explaining the next steps. 

“Now as I said before we are sedating her at the moment, while we wait and see if she gets any complications from the surgery that are better treated while she is asleep. By this afternoon we will have a clearer idea and by that point we may choose to withdraw that sedation. It’s important that you are aware though that she might not wakeup immediately. Sometimes some people that have suffered similarly to your fiancé will be unconscious for a while in what I’d presume you’ve heard of as a ‘coma’. Now it’s not as dramatic as you see on TV shows, it’s just Ms Y/l/n’s brain giving her body a chance to recover. It’s often a longer process, which I know is something you don’t want to hear, but I have to be honest.” The doctor was stern but in a softer and from-a-caring-place. “These patients are suggested to possibly recover quicker if they have a steady support network behind them, which it seems like she does. That means that you need to look after yourself so you can help her sir, especially in what could be a long process. It’s not going to be helpful for Yn if you’re killing yourself trying to be here all the time… It seems like Y/n already has quite a big group of you here for her, so please remember you’ve got all of her care team here and everyone else to help you too….Does that make sense sir?”

“Tom” His Dad, in a gentle but firm warning tone, urged Tom to speak and to listen. Properly listen. 

“Yeh… I-yeh It’s just all a lot right now.”

“Of course… and we promise that if anything changes with her condition, you will be phoned straight away. You are welcome to stay as long as you want - the only rules are two at a time, no flowers, sign in and out and then sanitise your hands pretty excessively. If you need anything, Ms Y/l/n’s nurse will be your first port of call.”

“Thanks for everything” Dom nodded in a gracious manner, which the doctor seemed to massively appreciate - apparently, for the job they do not receiving a hell of a lot of thanks. 

“I’ll pop back in a little bit.”

And for a couple of hours everything everything felt like a bit of an anticlimax, nothing happened, not a lot changed. Just Tom and Dom sat next to Y/n’s bed in silence; Harrison and Nikki downstairs with the baby, till Dom got a phone call from Nikki asking them to meet at the neonatal unit  - which was limited by visitor numbers unlike the ICU. Thinking it’d be simple, the elder man gained Tom’s attention with a call of his name, explaining they should go down to meet up. 

“I’m not going down there.”

“Son, I know you’re worried by Y/n isnt going anywhere right now. The doctors said they’d call you if anything happens.”

“It’s not-“ Tom stopped himself, biting his tongue and looking away from his Dad. “I just don’t want to go down there.” Slowly, Dom was more and more realising Tom’s thought process and honestly… it scared him. In the hopes this was just a big misunderstanding he offered a different option - hoping Tom would equally refuse that. Dom suggested going down to the cafe instead, which most unfortunately Tom agreed to. It wasn’t leaving Y/n that was the issue, it was being near the baby. 

Tom’s daughter. Unnamed and apparently abondoned by both parents. 

Anyhow, Dom resigned to playing into Tom’s choice, perhaps Nikki and Harrison would be able to swing him round, to see sense. It still took Tom getting the nurse to triple check they had his correct number on record , just in case, before Dom could tear him away from the bed. Fortunately the pair found a quiet and secluded corner table, where Tom was still yet to be recognised, while Nikki and Haz found them too. 

What followed was Tom answering all his mum and Harrison’s questions about Y/n’s condition, in a blunt and emotionless manner - without Tom returning fire by asking any questions at all about his beautiful little baby girl. Eventually Nikki braved it, someone had to bring it up. 

“Well it sounds like littles going to change for a while… maybe you should head home for a bit? You’ve been up half the night and you look shattered love. You don’t have to go back to yours… you could stay in your old room for a bit?” Tom being by himself at the moment sounded like the most incredibly stupid idea ever, Nikki was offering it as a choice - when in reality there was only one option.

“Maybe later this evening I will? Just don’t want to leave her alone yet.”

“It’s already 7 love, you’ve not eaten all day, you got to look after yourself too.” Harrison and Dom sat awkwardly while Nikki tried to delicately encourage Tom into what was the only sensible plan, watching him nurse the small hot choclate in both his palms. Time really had lost all meaning at this point, for him it felt both years since he’d first arrived with Y/n and at the same time barely 10 minutes ago. It felt weird. 

“We can take shifts? If-if you want someone with her I mean… I don’t mind staying for a bit longer if it means you head back to your parents.” Harrison really truly didnt mind, in fact he sort of wanted to. He wanted to see Y/n’s face definitely alive, wanted to feel reassured by the monitors. Shockingly, Tom slowly nodded his head, surprising everyone with his lack of argument. None of them could work out whether it was a good thing him not putting up much arguement ; either he was heeding everyones advice of taking care of himself - or he had just given up. Harrison, as much as he didn’t want to, was favouring the latter. 

“Okay” Nikki declared optimistically “So maybe you and Harrison go up so you can say good night to Y/n, then we can all go and pick up the baby?” She opened the plan to the floor, allowing for input but got nothing - except maybe Tom’s jaw unconsciously tensing uncomfortable at the latter part of her statement. Dom noticed. 

Not one noticed but knew what it meant. His son blamed his granddaughter. His son, right now in that moment, hated the unnamed and totally helpless baby girl. 

part 4?

[nialltlynch]

book challenge!!

thank u @flitwickslittlebrotha 💟💟 i am a little late but this was hard!!

favourite book from this year: alone with you in the ether - olivie blake

ebooks, audio books or prints? ebooks. let me confess something...i pirate almost all my books. i pirate almost everything first, actually. BUT I do buy things that i either really, really liked or things that i think come from a good place but is still a little rough and i like what the creator was going for so i send them money somehow. disclaimer: i have purchased most of the books mentioned herein

top five of all times: oh fuck off uhhhhhhh

a good man is hard to find and other stories - flannery o'connor

october country - ray bradbury

the stranger - albert camus

dark tales - shirley jackson

the faraway nearby - rebecca solnit

this is based primarily on things i could read again and again. i really only go back and read short story collections because i don't always have it in me to read novel length things...

faves for: (look this is gonna be really hard because i don't understand genres but oh well here we go)

sci-fi: do androids dream of electric sheep - philip k dick. on account of that's the only sci-fi i can remember actually reading. fun fact, ive attempted to watch blade runner (1982) at least three times and every time ive fallen asleep!

contemporary/romance: does gillian flynn count as contemporary? she's my wife, i love her. also i feel like these are two completely disparate genres why are they slashed here

historical fiction: does jude the obscure count? tbh i don't care. i just remember being in high school english and all the girlies were swooning over the scarlet pimpernel and at the time i was a cringe baby weaboo who only watched anime so now i have petty beef with "historical fiction" as a genre and it also doesn't help that i've never really been interested in historical stuff much anyway (though i'm willing to have my mind changed)

fantasy: this is totally a copout answer but... grimm's fairytales. the problem is this is such a fraught genre for me because spiritually it's my favorite genre but practically the vast majority of it sucks. or i guess i should say it isn't to my taste. sorry.

queer: on earth we're briefly gorgeous - ocean vuong has some immense staying power, so that i guess. i do want to say that i dont actually know what this means? like written by a queer person? contains queer perspectives? has queer characters in it?????

top 3 [canon] book couples:

jordan/declan (dreamer trilogy)

regan/aldo (alone with you in the ether)

sophie/howl (howl's moving castle)

(these aren't necessarily my faves, but just the ones ive been thinking of as of late)

top 3 book characters:

eleanor vance (the haunting of hill house)

hercule poirot

adam parrish

(these are characters i wanna put in little monogrammed koozies and carry in my purse)

book(s) with potential that didn't quite pull it off: imagine me saying this quietly after taking a long sip from my morning tea and staring distractedly out the window, unable to make eye contact.... s*mmer s*ns

book(s) that got you through something: not to be cliche but trc really did awaken something in me

book(s) you'd recommend: i suffer from i-have-bad-taste-and-no-one-can-know-it disease so I don't really have any random recs without knowing a person's taste but uhhhh i think it would be cool if more people read alone with you in the ether because i want to see pretty fanart and edits and stuff.

a genre you want a book recommended from: genre-defying books. those ones that dabble here and there and cut the pieces they want from this and take cues from that until what they've built is this patchwork mishmash that by all means shouldn't work so well yet something about it is so compelling. as i often say: thrill me.

i'm so sorry none of these are real answers. i don't think i like books. i talk too much. i think there's something wrong with me. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[janekfan]

hi mom. sorry i havent talked with you much recently but ive definitely been following ur stuff (which youve probably noticed). ive been extremely busy with much longer work hours, sometimes needing to find a place to hide so i can plop down and pass out for a few minutes. if you wanna write something regarding that, however you want to, it would bring me a lot of comfort ♡

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26659246

For @flame-cat my child! I’m so very proud of you! I hope this fits :) I can always try again <3 <3 <3

Jon lifted his head, groggy and sore, from the surface of his messy desk, a spare post it stuck to his cheek. He blinked hard, rubbing the sleep from his stinging, burning eyes and peeled away the paper to slip it back into the folder. Ever since his promotion he’d been burning the candle at both ends in an attempt to balance all of the new responsibilities despite not having any of the relevant experience. Sasha would have been a much better choice and for the life of him, Jon couldn’t figure out Elias’ game. How did having a bumbling, idiot Archivist benefit him in any way?

He rubbed his temples, cursing the persistent ache. Barely getting through a statement a week already felt like running a marathon every time, leaving him exhausted and irritable and the worst part about it all was not being able to ask for help. He’d thought. Well. He’d though having Tim and Sasha accompany him would make the whole thing a little more bearable. They were friends. Friends took care of each other and they understood it wasn’t his decision, right? That he’d tried to argue his way out of it, tried to explain that he wasn’t the person for this job.

He was probably being sensitive. They had responsibilities. They were busy.

It’s not all about you, Jon.

But he was so lonely.

Tired.

And it only became worse as the weeks went on though he didn’t know how bad it had gotten until one of the library staff poked him awake at the end of one of the “K” shelves. He’d only sat down for a moment on the bottom rung of a rolling ladder.

“Mr. Sims?”

“Wah--?” So eloquent when the library assistant shook him by the shoulder out of concern.

“Can I help you find something?” They smiled. “Like the door? So that you might go home and get some rest?”

“No, no, I’m alright.” He plucked a book at random. “I was just looking for this.” They didn’t seem convinced and smiled indulgently.

“A book on kinephantoms?” And Jon drew himself up to his full, diminutive height.

“Wha--yes. Yes, or course.” Clearing his throat he turned on his heel and stalked back into the archives.

“Hello? Tim? Um.”

“What can I do you for, boss?” Jon was exceptionally nervous and he didn’t know why but as Tim whirled around in his chair, pen flipping over his fingers, it spiked in his gut, made him sick.

“Ah yes, the, the research I asked for, l’last week.” Deep breath, be the boss, delegate and follow up. “How is it coming along?”

“Oh, yeah! The research. It’s ‘coming along.’ Should have it ready in a few days. How’s after the weekend sound?” Horrible.

If he was being honest.

“Yes, of course.” But he wasn’t. “That would be just fine, thank you, Tim.” He tucked the folder he had brought for him behind his back and left the way he came.

“Jon?”

“Sasha?” He looked up from his reading to find her in his doorway and a cup of cold tea on the corner of his desk. When had that--? “How can I help you?”

“I just had some questions regarding what you needed for that last statement.” Disappointment flooded his tongue with salt. His instructions must have been lacking. He’d have to try better this second time.

It took the rest of the afternoon and Jon, having already worked through lunch, was feeling light headed from lack of sleep and food by the time Sasha was ready to start her research. She. She couldn’t, wouldn’t? Pretend? Not to know would she? All her questions, she was more suited to this job than he was.

No. He was being paranoid. He was just tired.

Disorienting pain lanced through his chin, echoing through his jaw and into his skull and he groaned. He’d fallen asleep propped up on his arm and paid the price for it with a bruised and throbbing face.

“Jon?”

Go’way.

“Jon?”

Lemme sleep.

“Jon?”

“Mmartin?” With difficulty, he was able to pry his eyes open, blinking away the cobwebs, the dust clinging to his lashes.

“What are you doing down here?” Martin was pulling him to his feet and Jon wanted nothing more than to curl back up and drift away.

“Was looking for--oh?” It was in his hand and he lifted it as evidence. “This?”

“You look exhausted.” Automatically Jon was denying it despite knowing the shadows beneath his eyes were like bruises, shaking his head and backing away without even enough stale air in his body to say the right words until he left Martin behind.

It was just a stupid, silly mistake. Nothing tragic or irreversible or cataclysmic, he just dropped a box of organized and neatly filed statements. Just dropped a box representing hours and hours of time and research and missed meals and lost sleep and proof of his incompetence and before he knew it he was on his knees amidst the papers and ink and photos and notes and it was all. Too. Much.

He didn’t even notice the tears at first, not until they hit his hands and he cried more of them in his frustration, wiping them angrily away and only ending up with his face buried in his folded knees because he was just. So. Tired. Jon didn’t know how long he sat there in the hallway, arms tucked around himself and holding all his pieces together, but it was long enough that someone came upon him and he hurried about tidying the pages and stuffing them back into envelopes.

“Boss?” Jon scrubbed his face, turning around with his most dictatorial expression. It wouldn’t do for him to see out how terrible he was at this. How awful.

“Ah, just dropped some files. I’ve got it.”

“Have you been--?”

“No! No.” He began to gather the mess faster, jamming statements into folders, into files, all out of order because if he stayed here any longer under his scrutiny he would end up sobbing.

“Do you need some help?”

“No.” Biting and cold. Drive him away.

“Jon.”

“No, I. I just can’t, I’ll get the hang of it. I just need to work harder.”

“Hey.”

“I’m just. I’m. I’m tired...that’s all.” It didn’t sound convincing to him, let alone to his subordinate. Not to Tim who’d known him before this whole fiasco. He stood, box in hand and staggered into the wall when the hallway tilted sideways, caught by Tim before he could go down again. Defeated, he let him take the statements. Let him leave it on the floor and lead him away.

“Oi, boss. When’s the last time you ate anything?” His hands were trembling in Tim’s and when he went to pull them away, the man held fast, drew him into an awkward hug.

“Oh...uh. I, I can’t, I suppose I can’t remember.” Caught, exposed, Jon let his face fall into Tim’s chest.

“Okay, okay, let’s get you taken care of.”

Suffering Martin’s fussing and fretting, while he didn’t understand it, wasn’t as intolerable as usual. He’d taken one look at Jon and wrapped him up in his well-worn cardigan and sat him at the rickety table with a cup of tea and orders to drink it. With his second mug he handed Jon a packet of biscuits and, not able to escape while sandwiched annoyingly (comfortingly) between Tim and Sasha, he had no choice but to nibble on them. After his third, Sasha tapped his shoulder to get his attention.

“I want to apologize, Jon. I wasn’t doing anything to make this any easier on you.”

“No, you’ve. You’ve been helpful and--” He was horrified that she would think his own shortcomings were any fault of her own.

“Not as helpful as we could have been, boss.” Jon looked between them so quickly it set his head to spinning. “We’re much better at research than we’ve led you to believe.”

“It was frustrating.”

“I’m s’sorry.”

“Not because of you.” He allowed Sasha to tug his head down to her shoulder. “We should have noticed you were running yourself ragged cleaning up after us.” Delightfully cozy and warm, Jon was dozing off and she chuckled. “Okay, okay, let’s get you tucked in. We can make it up to you after your nap.” Jon tried to resist, tried to rattle off all the work he still had left to do but all that came out of his fickle mouth were mumbling, sleepy, embarrassing noises. They set him up on the ratty break room couch and it was the most comfortable he’d been in ages. If he could just manage a coherent sentence…but the pillow was so soft beneath his aching head, the blanket Martin was settling over his shoulders just heavy enough and he tried one more time to say anything at all when Martin lifted the glasses off his face and folded them aside.

“Mhm, of course, yes, boss, whatever you say boss.” Sasha’s fingers running through his hair were his final undoing and between one gentle touch and the next, he let himself go.

[mingtopiaa]

˗ˋˏ°• 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝 •° ˎˊ˗

soulmate!au, enemies to lovers!au

⤿ san x fem!reader || word count; 1290 || genre/s; angst, fluff

⤿ warning; there’s some cursing, implied sexual content (trigger warning: there’s character death but neither of the main characters die)

��� a/n; this is my first oneshot! ive been working on it for a while, enjoy!

A 10% chance to have a soulmate and of course you had to have one. Most people are extremely happy when they find out who their soulmate is, but not for you. Unluckily for you, your soulmate turned out to be Choi San. The very man you’ve hated since you were kids. What made it even worse was that, though knowing it would pain you, San would go out and get girlfriend after girlfriend.

“Choi San!” You yelled, pounding your fist into San’s front door.

“What? What do you want this time Y/N?” San sighed, reluctantly opening the door.

“What the fuck San? Are you trying to kill me??” You peeked behind him to see a half-naked woman on his couch, looking on her phone. She’s bored and waiting for San to return to him.

“I’m just living my life.” He deadpans, glaring at you. Visibly irritated. For a moment you just stare at each other, no words spoken. You gulp and try to avert your gaze somewhere else so it isn’t as awkward but your eyes fix on the woman behind him. San glances back at the woman, hoping you take the hint to leave. You’re hesitant to say anything, especially if the wrong words come out. You take a deep breath before continuing.

“I swear you’re gonna kill me at this rate!” You’re so close to either slapping him across the face or bursting into tears. Why, why did you have to be fated to be with an asshole?

San just stares at you, stares into your eyes, then moves his gaze to the small etching in your wrist. The small etching with his name, 최산. You look at your wrist, covering his name up with your other hand.

“Goodnight Y/N, I think you should go.” San waves goodbye to you and then gently closes the door. You’re lowkey shocked, he didn’t slam the door on you with a grumble this time? Were you dreaming? In what world did San not hate you?

San not being rude to you was a concept you couldn’t bring yourself to accepting. You’d gone your whole life hating him, him hating you. He did hate you, didn’t he? There’s no way he could treat you like shit since forever and not hate you, right?

Monday. You walk past San and flinch, expecting him to throw an apple at your head. He doesn’t, you flinched for nothing and his friends laugh at you for shrinking like an idiot.

Thursday. San’s friends laugh at you for dropping your books and San defends you. What?

On Friday you build up the courage to ask him why his behaviour suddenly changed after what? 18 years?

“San!” The door opens and you’re greeted by a sleepy San.

“What? What is it now?” He mumbles, scratching his head.

“Why are you being nice to me?” You glare at him.

“Y/N, I know I’m a huge jerk and all, but aren’t I supposed to be nice to you? The whole soulmate thing means I’m supposed to love you or something, doesn’t it?”

“You- You’re fucking with me. You’ve never been nice to me. I’ve known you since we were three and not once have you been nice to me. What’s gotten into you? What happened to you being a big bad boy?”

“Y/N..” San hesitates, hesitates to tell you the truth. How he really feels about you, why he’s how he is.

“San, you can’t just do that. You can’t bully me my whole life and then just suddenly decide ‘Oh we’re soulmates, time to be nice to you!’. You can’t do that!” Your eyes are getting watery, lips trembling.

“Y/N, don’t cry. I- I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the all shit I’ve put you through. You didn’t deserve any of that.” San cups your face, wiping the tears running down your cheeks.

“Then why’d you do it?” Your voice comes out as nothing more than a cracked whisper.

“There’s so much you don’t know about me.” He smiled, pain flickered in his eyes. 

“Sannie, what happened?” Sannie. A nickname he hadn’t heard in years, hadn’t heard since you both were little kids.

“I- I’d rather not talk about it.” San averts his gaze from your eyes, letting his hands fall to his side. He seems so timid, unlike his usual confident persona. You almost feel like you’re talking to the Sannie you were best friends with years ago.

“Sannie. Tell me.” You grabbed one of his hands, intertwining them. A hopeful glint in your eyes, hoping he’d tell you what happened in the years you drifted apart.

“It’s nothing, Y/N. Nothing you should be concerned with.” His eyes are glossy, the grip on your hand tightens. You bring a hand up to his hair and stroke it delicately, as if he was a piece of frail glass.

“No. San, you’re clearly upset. Why can’t you just tell me? Wouldn’t it help if you had someone you could talk to about it?” Your hand moves from the top of his head to cup his cheek, staring into the abyss of his eyes.

“Y/N. I’m fine.” San sheds his first tears, first tears in a long time. He promised himself he wouldn’t cry anymore, wouldn’t cry anymore after the incident.

“San. You’re crying.” Your hand moves from his cheek to wipe his tears away. “Please. Please tell me what happened.”

“My mum.. My mum passed away. My dad killed himself.” He holds you close, arm wrapped around your waist. San cries into the crook of your shoulder, hugging you. Normally, you’d be uncomfortable if anyone did this. But right now? San. San was the only exception.

You stood there for a while in his embrace, trying to calm his breathing. “Sannie, it’s getting cold. Let’s go inside?” San simply nods as you both enter his apartment.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” San says after a comfortable silence. The two of you had been ‘cuddling’ (snuggling under the only large blanket he could find) on his couch, watching random cartoons.

“It’s fine, Sannie. It’s nice to see you like how you were when we were kids. A cute, innocent, sensitive, soft n lil ball of sunshine. My sunshine..” You mumble the last part, praying he didn’t hear it.

“Your what?” San chuckles, smiling like a fool.

“Sunshine. My sunshine.” You feel shy, looking anywhere but him and playing with your fingers in your lap.

“Y/N, that’s so cute!” He lifts your chin up, eyes locking with yours. 

“Shush. I thought of a lot of dumb things as a kid.” You bite your lip.

“Remember when we used to try and climb trees together?” San suddenly speaks up after a somewhat comfortable silence.

“Yeah, good times. We could never get up, though.” You giggle, thinking back to the good times with him.

You spend the next hour or so reminiscing about all the dumb things you did as kids. The time you tried stealing food from your parents, the times San would mess up your hair on school picture days, the times you shared your lunches. 

As San was telling the story of the time you accidentally broke his pencil, you had fallen asleep with your head laying on his shoulder. 

“Y/N? Why aren’t you-” San turns his head to see you sleeping peacefully on his shoulder, “Oh.”

He sighs, but carries you to his room. San gently places you down on his bed, covering you with the blankets hanging off the side of his bed.

“Sleep tight, Y/N.” He takes a risk, a huge risk. San pecks you on the lips before finally whispering those words he’d been waiting years to finally admit, “I love you, okay? Sweet dreams.” 

[iceslushii]

Shattered Glass

*inspired by vanoss-luigi's 'footage' fanfic*

chapter: 27

word count: 4,554

characters: H20Delirious, Vanoss, SMii7Y, fourzer0seven, Terroriser, BigJigglyPanda, WILDCAT, Kryoz, Moo, BasicallyIDoWrk, CaRtOoNz and Daithi De Nogla

tw: swearing, mentioning of blood (!!if i forget to put a warning for anything please let me know as i'm not very good at knowing what trigger warnings to include!!)

------------------------------

then it happened. Everyone, including Moo, Basically and Delirious, watched as it suddenly fell face first onto the ground. It didn't move for a few seconds, worrying them all, so fourzer0 and SMii7Y slowly approached it, surprised when it didn't react at all. They turned it around and its eyes opened immediately. "..what?" It muttered. "..what am I doing here?" Scott and Jaren helped it sit up and it looked around for a bit. "Evan.." Delirious crawled over to it. "Jon?" It looked at him and instantly realised. "Oh my god.." Memories flooded back, although not ones of how he was taken, or why he helped start a 'cult'. Tears filled his eyes, and he didn't know why. He buried his hands into his face, however seconds later they were taken off, and he found himself sobbing into Delirious' shoulder. "I'm so sorry.." "Hey, Evan, it's not your fault." SMii7Y reassured him, smiling as he did so. "It is. I was the one who got most of you turned into me. I was the-" "No, it's not." fourzer0 said before running over to Basically and Moo, who were so tired they could barely move. "I am.. so fucking tired." Basically could barely be heard as he was helped up, leaning against fourzer0 as he helped Moo up. "It's over, just like that." Moo slowly walked over to Terroriser, sitting next to him before leaning against him. "I just wanna go home." "I'm just.. so sorry." Vanoss muttered once again. "Like I've told you, you don't need to apologise." Delirious stood up, still hugging Vanoss. He could feel his legs give out, but managed to maintain his balance. "What will happen with Nogla?" Kryoz asked CaRtOoNz and Panda. "Hm.. if Evan's back, then David may be too." Panda said, the other two nodding. "Hey.. the entrance is open? I didn't notice." Nogla exclaimed, getting everyone's attention. "Nogla-" "Yes, Tyler, I'm not.. I'm 'normal' now." The twelve of them met up and began talking for a while, about what had happened, and how it ended. "I think we should go now, before these two pass out." Terroriser looked at Moo and Basically- they were sitting in the exact same place they'd fallen asleep at not long ago- and could barely keep their eyes open. "I agree." Panda laughed as Moo and Basically stood up and joined everyone else. "I don't want to be here any longer, that's for sure." Vanoss stared at his hands, they no longer had bolts on them. The 12 of them proceeded to leave the forest, and as soon as they returned to the cabin.. "Oh, god." SMii7Y looked around. "It feels so weird knowing all 12 of us are back.." Everyone nodded. "I can't even begin to process thoughts right now." Basically began making his way upstairs, Moo following not long after. "Well.. we're back, I guess." Kryoz put his arm around SMii7Y. "Yeah.. what do we do now?" "Hey, out here!" The cabin door was still open, and they saw Nogla motioning for them to come outside. "Hold on a minute." Terroriser and fourzer0 went upstairs to let Basically and Moo know. "..what now?" Basically opened his eyes and sat up. "Ugh.." Moo did the same. "Nogla wants us to come outside with him, we wanted to come and get you two as well." Both of them groaned as they followed their friends outside. "Right.. what do you want?" fourzer0 asked Nogla. "This." He lead them to the road behind the cabin, and there were two cars- which were both Nogla's- awaiting them. "So, I'm gonna be driving this one, who wants to be with me?" Nobody said anything. "Oh.. yeah. Well, who'll drive the other one?" "I will." CaRtOoNz said. "Okay, okay. Who's gonna be in which car?" "Uh.. Evan and Jonathan.. Marcel and Scott.. and.. Panda will be with me, I guess." CaRtOoNz decided. The other 5 didn't seem bothered about being with Nogla, surprisingly. "Does anyone wanna come back here again?" Vanoss joked before getting into his 'assigned' car. "Evan, shut the fuck up." CaRtOoNz chuckled, also getting into his car. "I'm glad we get to.. leave this place." Moo said as him and Terroriser got into the backseats of Nogla's car. "Yeah. I hate it here. How'd we get here in the first place?" "Who knows. I'm not gonna start thinking about it.. I can't, anyway." Moo rested his head on Terroriser's shoulder as everyone got into their cars. "How you doing, Marcel?" fourzer0 asked. "I don't know anymore." Basically sighed as CaRtOoNz started the engine. "Yeah, understandable." The two cars left the cabin, everyone glad they were able to leave the area they were in, glad that they could leave behind roughly a month of disappearances, random recipes and most importantly, glass.

------------------------------

wish id thought of a different 'ending' to this but i also dont exactly dislike it yes this is the last chapter of shattered glass the chapters grew rather boring after like chapter 6 imo when i get my ao3 account ill post the entirety of shattered glass there but anyway thank you to the people who've read at least some of this fanfic!! this is the first fanfic ive posted on anything and i dont think its too bad dunno when ill make the next one-

[basiccortez]

“I never got to tell her. . .”

Lexie Grey x Female!Reader 

TW: mentions of a mass shooting. 

*takes place after the Seattle Grace Mercy West shooting* 

Lexie looked peaceful, and not like her mind was running a mile a minute. Ever since that day, the day her whole life changed, it’s been like she’s been waiting for the next bad thing to happen to her or the woman she loved. No matter how hard Lexie tried to forget, she couldn’t shake that day. It was burned into her mind. 

Lexie remembered every part of that day, just like she had remembered every day since she was old enough to remember them. It was both a blessing and a curse to have a photographic memory. In this moment, with these memories, it was a curse. 

Lexie remembered waking up to the most beautiful pair of eyes she had seen in her life, and seeing that amazing smile she had fallen in love with. Y/N’s eyes were the deepest blue Lexie had ever seen. Lexie had always told Y/N that she loved her, it was something that rolled off her tongue in the morning over coffee, or at dinners in the cafeteria, or drinks at Joe’s, and even those steamy moments in the on call room. Lexie loved Y/N with ever fiber of her being, and Y/N knew that. 

“I love you. . .” Lexie whispered to Y/N’s sleeping frame. 

The two of them went to work like they always do, a coffee from their favorite cart. Y/N got her usual blueberry muffin and Lexie a banana nut muffin. Y/N kissed Lexie’s cheek before she went off to see her patients. Y/N nor Lexie, nor did anyone else in the hospital think of the unspeakable disaster that would happen within their walls. 

Y/N had been walking into the supply room off the side of the pit. She questioned the man standing in front of her, when he turned around and fired a shot at her. She had thrown her up in defense to protect her head, and fell the the ground as it hit her in the chest. 

Y/N laid on the ground in pain, gasping as she felt the blood fill her lungs. She quickly pressed her hands to her chest, and decided that she needed to get to the elevator. Y/N used what ever strength she had to drag herself to the elevator and press a random button for a random floor. She prayed and prayed to whatever God that was there to protect her and get her to someone. 

“I never told her. . .” 

Lexie had been talking to Mark when a man fired several shots in the lobby full of patrons, doctors and nurses. Mark quickly pulled Lexie to the ground, and covered her body with his. Lexie crawled away from the front of the desk to get behind it, where she found a nurse who had been shot in the throat. 

Mark pulled Lexie away from the victim who was covered in blood and tried to get her to the closest exit, which happened to be the elevator that Y/N was lying in. When the doors opened, Lexie gasped and Mark’s jaw dropped. He couldn’t believe he was seeing his colleuge and friend laying in a pool of her own blood. 

“Y/N. . .” Lexie breathed out, seeing her girlfriend bleeding from a gun shot wound to her chest. 

Mark and Lexie did everything they could to save Y/N. Mark had to work on Y/N without pain meds, and did what he could to save her. Lexie tried to keep as calm as she could, not trying to panic listening to her girlfriend scream in pain while being cut open on a conference room table. Lexie couldn’t bare it, and found a dose of bravery in her body to go out and find supplies for her girlfriend. 

“Mark. . . you gotta. . . t-t-ell her. . . I love-” 

“You’re going to tell her yourself, you hear me?” Mark said to Y/N who was fighting the pain in her chest to tell her best friend the words she had not spoken to her girlfriend. 

“I need you t-to. . .” 

“Y/N, Y/N, stay with me please. Y/N!” Mark yelled, as her pressure bottomed out and she started crashing. 

“She wake up yet?” Meredith asked, walking into her sister’s room. 

“Not yet,” Y/N sighed stretching, and sitting back in her chair, “Still sleeping soundly. Whatever the hell is in that IV bag must be the strong stuff.” 

Meredith snickered and sat down on the other side of Lexie’s bed. Y/N who was still healing from surgery, had been by Lexie’s side for the past several days. She refused to leave, to sleep, and to eat. Other friends and family had been coming by in shifts to see Lexie, since Mark and Y/N thought it was best to have her committed, but Y/N had refused to leave. 

“How’s everything going?” Y/N asked, looking at Meredith. The two had bonded over the past couple days. Meredith opening up to Y/N about her miscarriage the day of the shooting. 

“Good. There’s this new trauma guy who we all have to talk to and get cleared by to be able to go back to work. Do you think you’ll be returning soon?” Meredith asked her. 

“I’m not sure,” Y/N said honestly, “How the hell am I supposed to walk these halls? The halls I almost died in, where your husband almost dies, where you sister almost got shot in. Where. . . people did die. It just seems easier to walk away from this whole place.” 

Y/N had been put on mandatory leave, due to the injury she had sustained in the sooting. She had heard from Mark and Meredith about Lexie having several breakdowns while at work. Lexie had freaked out on a patient and had worried the counselor during a counseling session. Y/N had done her best to take care of Lexie at home; holding her while she screamed at night, making sure she eats a balanced meal, and comfort her when she breaks down and cries from just being tired. 

“But you don’t want that. You don’t want to leave.” Meredith said, looking at the way Y/N looked at Lexie, “You love her too much to leave.” 

“Is it obvious?” Y/N smiled, looking at her dark haired girlfriend. 

“You have love sick puppy eyes when you look at her.” Meredith smiled, “The same eyes I had for Derek. And the same eyes she has for you.” 

“I heard her. That morning, she whispered it to me, thinking I was asleep, but I heard her. I told Mark, because I thought. . . I thought I was going to die. I should have. . . but she saved me. I love her, Meredith, I really do.” 

“I think she heard you.” Meredith smiled, and looked at Lexie who was no awake in her bed. 

Y/N turned and looked quickly at her girlfriend who was awake in her bed. Y/N moved quickly and kissed her girlfriend and then hugged her tightly. It had been 3 days since Y/N had seen those honey brown eyes she had fallen in love with. 

“I love you Alexandra Grey. I love you.” 

[megalodon-writes]

Misunderstandings

Pairing - Akaashi Keiji x F!Reader

Word Count - 1.8k - Part III

Warnings - slight unwanted physical contact

Synopsis - Reader asks Bokuto for advice and decides to take action against Tozen.

Part I - Part II - Part III - Part IV

a/n: huh I guess I don’t have anything to say here except that for the 6 days of writing and editing I had one sentence constantly going through my brain. “None thoughts but for Akaashi Keiji” so I mean n i c e 

Thankfully, you hadn’t been scheduled with Tozen in a while, but every time you had a small chance to say something, you would chicken out. You would text Bokuto about it and he was as supportive as ever, but he always recommended you say something sooner rather than later. He became a best friend, and you would go over to their place all the time to hang out. Through seeing so much of the two of them, you had quickly developed feelings for Akaashi. He was so kind and every time he looked at you, your heart beat so fast you wondered if it was going to explode. 

Bokuto had invited you to go to one of his games, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t excited. You didn’t really know what to expect from watching a professional volleyball game, but you threw on your favorite blouse and pair of high waisted jeans. You passed by your mirror and had to do a double take because you thought you looked so great. Hyping yourself up quite a bit, you couldn’t help but laugh as your front door opened.

“Hey, it’s me. Are you ready?” Akaashi called. You rounded the corner and actually had to catch your breath from how great he looked with a simple black t-shirt on.

“Yeah.” You grinned and grabbed your keys. Because you were distracted, you missed the fact that his eyes raked over your body. However, when you turned back to face him you did notice the slight pink to his cheeks. “Hey, are you feeling okay?” 

“I feel as great as you look.” He muttered.

“Well in that case we should go. Bokuto probably wants to see us sooner than later.” You laughed, not really hearing what he had said other than he felt great. 

The game was really entertaining and you loved seeing Bokuto's face every time he scored a point. You could see how people enjoyed his presence on the court. Not only that, but his teammates were all extremely talented as well. Every so often, Akaashi would look over at you. You thought it was sweet he kept making sure you were having fun. During one of the set changes, you stood up and yelled at Bokuto, who grinned and waved frantically. You turned around to face Akaashi and leaned against the bar, welcoming the feeling of how cold the metal was.

“Do you miss playing?” You asked. He looked at his hands and stood up, leaning on the bar so you were facing opposite directions.

“I miss playing with Bokuto.” He sighed. “We still play sometimes, but it’ll never be exactly how it was in high school.” His smile was so soft it made you wish you could have seen some of those games in person. Both he, and Bokuto always spoke very highly of their time at Fukurodani Academy.

--

Good morning, Y/N 

You smiled at the text from Bokuto and responded with ‘It is indeed a morning.’ Tucking your phone into your back pocket, you smiled, remembering the night before. You had gone over to the guy's apartment and had a movie marathon of Disney movies. It started with Finding Nemo and ended with Oliver and Company. Of course, in between those two movies you watched several princess movies, including Tangled, in which Bokuto sang every single word of all the songs. It wasn’t very beautiful, but Akaashis laughter made it all worth it. 

You turned around to make your bed, but as you did you smelled the most comforting smell in the world. Grabbing your shirt and holding it up to your face, you inhaled the scent of cedar wood and oranges. You had fallen asleep during one of the movies and about 2 am woke up to discover your head resting on Akaashis shoulder. Since you had been pressed against him for so long, his smell lingered on your clothes nicely. You had left their place around 3 in the morning and was glad that neither of them had noticed you cuddled up on Akaashi, or if they had they didn’t mention anything about it.

Looking in the mirror at yourself, you wondered if you should talk to Akaashi about how you felt. Your phone buzzed and  you pulled it out to see Bokuto send a smiley face. You still had about an hour before you needed to leave for work, so you debated whether or not to ask Bokuto for thoughts he had about the situation. Tozen flashed across your mind and you shook your head. You had decided today was the day you were going to confront him. Biting your cheek, you typed out a quick message, hoping that it would take your mind off of your manager for a while.

‘Hey, can I ask for some advice?’ Your phone buzzed almost immediately in response.

Always. You looked at the text and took a deep breath. He was so calm when you guys texted, unlike how he was in person.

‘What if I really like this guy and I want to tell him?’ The response wasn’t as immediate and for a moment you wondered if you were wrong in asking.

If that’s your way of telling me you like me, it was horrible. You laughed out loud and shook your head.

‘I don’t like you, ya dummy.’ You typed. This time, the pause was longer than before. You brushed off any negative thoughts and started curling your hair. After you were completely ready for work, your phone buzzed and you let out a small sigh of relief.

Who do you like? You stared at the four words and wondered if you should really tell him. 

‘It’s just someone from work.’ Your fingers hovered over the send button before pressing it.

Just tell them. Your brows furrowed together at the response. Before you could type out a reply, your phone buzzed again. I can’t talk anymore right now, but have a good day at work. You huffed and threw your phone into your pocket. 

“Best advice ever.” You said dryly.

--

The end of the work day was approaching rapidly and you started to get more nervous with every passing moment. You had seen Tozen earlier and told him you wanted to talk after work. You felt like a robot, giving random information out to the children and families. No one seemed to notice your mind was somewhere else, but that probably was because you had so many useless facts stored in your brain from years of study that they came out naturally.

You gathered your things and sat in the break room, waiting for your manager to join you. Without anyone else in the building besides the janitors and Tozen, you contemplated whether this was actually a good time to talk or not. You pulled out your phone hoping to miraculously see a text from Bokuto but before you could see, you heard footsteps up the stairs. Once Tozen appeared in the doorframe your heart stopped completely. Your hand started shaking again but you were thankful you had the support of the chair beneath you. He smiled and went to close the door after him.

“Please leave it open.” You squeaked. He looked surprised and furrowed his brows before sitting down next to you. Scooting a few inches away from him, you looked at him in the eyes.

“What’s this about, Y/N?” He asked.

“I think there are some undiscussed feelings we need to address.” You placed your hand on the table, but immediately drew back when he went to grab it.

“You’re looking more serious than I thought you would be.” He mused. Your insides churned and you bit the inside of your cheek.

“I am very uncomfortable with how you treat me.” You said flatly as his eyes grew wide. “I’ve had several friends say that I should report you for sexual harassment.” He laid a hand across his mouth and looked at the floor. Saying all of this to him had your entire body shaking and you felt tears pricking at the edge of your vision. “Before I did that I wanted to talk to you to let you know my side of the situation.”

“I’m… I’m so sorry.” He muttered, making you gasp slightly. 

“Are you just saying that because you were caught?” You said quickly, almost regretting your words. He looked up at you and after seeing the look on your face he shifted farther away from you. Your palms were sweaty but him moving made you feel a little less nervous.

“No. I am genuinely sorry.” He laid his head in his hands. “I feel so guilty right now, I actually thought you liked me. I had no idea you didn’t.” He said quietly. Hearing that made your mouth drop slightly open. “I read the situation so wrong.” You both sat there in silence for several moments. “I respect you as a person and as an employee. I had a friend get sexually harassed at work a few years ago and I saw what happened to her first hand so I know how uncomfortable it can be. I am so sorry that I put you through that.” He spoke with such pain in his voice that you had no idea what to say. After a deep breath you folded your arms.

“I want to continue working here.” You said. He looked up at you and nodded. “But I need some time away from you so please schedule me as opposite from you as you can.”

“I’ll make the changes immediately.” He said seriously. “I will respect your space and if you need to talk to me about work things, I will make sure there is another person present.” You exhaled and could feel your throat start to tighten up. “It’s going to take a while for you to forgive me, and I understand that. Please take all the time you need.” He thought for a moment. “In fact, don’t feel like you’re required to forgive me, because you’re not. The way I acted was not okay.” He stood up and headed towards the door. “If you need more parameters or anything please let me know.” 

“Thank you.” You said. You felt like there were cotton balls in your mouth and tears definitely were threatening to spill out.

“Thank you for telling me. Again, I apologize for my actions.” He left and you waited a few moments before quickly going out and getting into your car. You sat there, your mind buzzing with what had just happened. You grabbed your phone and dialed the person you had texted last. When you heard the tone of the answering machine on Bokuto's phone you squeezed your eyes shut.

“Hey, I hope you’re home right now.” Your words came out a bit shaky so you paused before you continued. “I - I need to not be alone.” You hung up and before you knew it, you were standing on their porch.

taglist: @doctorcelina @my-neighbor-todoro

[strongsassysexysloane]

Ain’t Life a B*tch - Chap 7

Well I want to apologise for the mistakes because ive rewritten this chapter a few too many times now and I can look at it anymore so I’m positing it instead. 

. . . . 

It wasn't the most peaceful sleep but you managed to sleep all the way through apart from the random check up in the early hours of the morning when the Doctors changed over. You weren't very coherent then to remember much of what happened but you do remember Jack was still sitting in the visitor's chair just like she is now. The lights were dimmed but you could see the sunlight shining under the curtains, it was probably still too early to be awake but no one ever slept right in a hospital. Jack was purring away still asleep in the chair with her feet stretched out in front of her. It reminded you of a time back in San Diego where you'd both fallen asleep at your desks at work and your boss had barged in slamming down coffees on your desks, waking you up. You'd both woken up with stiff necks and sore lower backs but the boss didn't want to hear it. That was the first and last time he bought you both coffees.  

The breakfast trolley came by not long after, giving you a tray with strawberry yoghurt, toast with butter and some kind of jam to spread on. It wasn't much but you weren't expecting a three-course meal. Hopefully you'd be out of here by this afternoon and would pick up a pizza on the way home. There was a possibility of it coming right back up again but it would be so worth the taste on the way down. You laughed at that disgusting thought just as you saw Jack shift.

That's when Jack woke up, the smell of food and coffee bringing her out of her slumber. She probably heard your thought of pizza as well. "Coffee?"

You smirk at her first words. "Not enough sugar for your liking." There was barely enough sugar for your liking.  

"I'll go get some from the cafeteria and check in with your team."

You watch as she stretches, twists from side to side. Most likely working out a kink in her back. "It's 0630 Jack. No need to wake my team up."  

"Right. Coffee then." She hops up, bending over to touch her toes and then back up, placing her hands on her hips.  

"Get some breakfast while you're at it." Jack salutes you and you laugh at her poor attempt at one before she walks out of the room. You wished she had gone home but part of you were glad she had stayed.  

She was gone a while, enough time for the Doctor to come in and check on you. "Everything seems fine. I'd like you to stay another 24 hours just in case. Concussions, especially because you blacked out for a short time can be varying."  

"I know Doc. Not my first rodeo."

"Then I definitely should keep you in for another 24 hours." He looked over your charts again before slipping it back on the hanger at the end of your bed.  

"But you don't have to, right?"

"This isn't a flea market in Thailand. We don't bargain down hospital stays."  

You sigh slumping back into your pillows. You really couldn't take spending a whole day and another night in here. "Come on Doc, I'm fine. Heads pounding less, got a reasonable full night sleep. Kept down some food. Haven't harassed the hospital team - yet."  

"Threats won't work, y/n. You need to stay another 24 hours, you need to be under someone's care just in case."

"Someone's care, so not technically a nurse or doctor." You were slowly forming a plan. You half told the truth, your head was still pounding, just not as bad as yesterday.  

"You got someone who can look after you for the next 48 hours?"  

"I can."

Your gut dropped. You weren't even aware that Jack had come back into the room. Let alone thinking about her looking after you. You were going to call a friend and ask them to check in on you every hour, not stay with you permanently. "Jack you don't-"

"I won't let you leave unless someone promises to be with you for the next 48 hrs. No exceptions."  

"I'll do it Doc. I can work from my laptop. Plus, I've put up with her complaints and seductions before."  

The last part threw you off. She was smirking, sassing you. She hadn't sassed you in over five years. That part left when you broke her heart, since when had it returned?  

"Alright Agent Sloane. I'd like to keep her here until 1200 just to be sure and then I'll release her into your custody."

"Hello, Hi. Do I get a say in this?"

"Would you rather stay here?"

You pout. Both of them looking at you with amused expressions. "No. Fine." You huff causing your audience to laugh and Jack follows the doctor out. Probably talking about what she needs to watch out for and do for you. This was a horrible idea.  

The morning went quickly, Jack went back home and to NCIS to check in on things and talk to the Director on her new assignment which gave you a few hours to over think and figure out how the next two days were going to work. Jack came back in just after the Doctor was discharging you and ready to drive you home. The ride home was awkward to say the least, for you. You weren't in the mood to talk and she'd easily picked up on that. You hated this arrangement but here you were. She'd packed an overnight bag so even if you had managed to convince Jack to go home for the night, it wasn't happening now.  

"I can sleep on the couch and you can take the bed." It didn't make sense when you thought it but ended up saying it anyway.

"Absolutely not. You will sleep in your own bed as it's yours and you're the one with the concussion. Don't be silly." She sighed. "I know this was a rash decision on my part and I should've asked you first but did you really want to stay at the hospital another night?"

The situation wasn't ideal but if you were being honest with yourself this could be a good thing. This was the most you had talked to Jack in years and this could be the turning point in your newfound friendship due to your injury. You just didn't want to get your hopes up. "Look Jack, I'm thankful that you offered and are doing this. Just trying to wrap my head around why the sudden change and how the next 24 hours is going to work."  

"48."  

"What?"  

"48 hours."  

"You aren't staying two nights."

She turned to look at you properly when she pulled up at the red light and smirked at how adamant you were. "Watch me."  

"Fine. Hopefully the couch will be sufficient enough." You look back out the passenger side window as the car turned down your street. "Thank you." You whispered because you really were grateful for her even though this situation was going to be hell.  

"Of course."  

She pulls up her car along the curb in front of your building and runs around to help you out of the car but you push her away. "Jack, I can walk by myself."  

"I just don't want you to fall and have to drive you back to the hospital. It really is a long way."  

Her joke does what it's meant to and you smile. So maybe this would actually work out and you were over thinking all the ways it could go wrong. "Would be such a hassle."  

She smiles along with you but grabs your bag along with her overnight bag before you can protest and runs ahead of you. "Can't get the bag if you can't catch me."

"Such a child."  

Jack laughs and the sound wave hits you right in the chest. That sound always made you smile and melt on the inside, now it had the opposite effect. It tore at your heart because it was such a rare thing to hear, you making her laugh.

She opened the door to your apartment and dropped both bags near the foot of the couch and turned to watch you stumble into the room. "You sure you don't need me for balance?"

"I'm fine." You don't convince her by leaning against the wall because you were slightly out of breath from the short walk up the stairs and into your apartment. "I will be." Which was closer to the truth and Jack nods in response. "Now, bathroom is down the hall on the right, linen closet is the door on the left. Kitchen well you can see where that is and help yourself to anything. Other than coffee and some frozen pizza. There isn't much there I'm afraid."  

"What happened to you cooking all the time?"

"Don't get much time lately, wanted to get back into it but there's not much fun in it when you're only cooking for yourself."

"Since when did that stop you? You loved creating meals even for yourself." Her hands shifted to her hips, trying to make more of a point but you weren't in the mood for this to turn into an argument that she would win.  

You shrug finally finding the strength to shift and move a few steps to fall not so gracefully onto your couch. "Guess times change."  

"That's for sure. Mind if I freshen up?"

"Go for your life. I didn't get the chance to clean so apologies if it's a mess or anything." All the possibilities of what she could find in your bathroom sprang to mind. Did you put away the vibrator? You might've prayed a little to someone to make sure you had because she was down the hall before you could change your mind.  

"Nothing I haven't seen before." She threw back and you smiled. You had practically lived together for a month or so before the inevitable heart break.  

To your surprise and you assume Jack's as well, the rest of the day was quite simple. You lounged on the couch watching tv while Jack sat legs crossed in the armchair and did some work on her laptop. It wasn't until dinner time that Jack insisted on get takeout and paying that a small argument happened but your head was pounding again so you just let her win.  

"Wow the concussion is really working in my favour."  

"If by your favour you mean getting two days out of work and babysitting me then yes, your favour."  

"Take these and shut up." She walked back over with a glass of water and your medication.

Dinner was spent mostly in silence while you both watched TV. You weren't really concentrating on tv though because fuzzy memories were starting to come back. From the breach and moments in the hospital you forgot because you were high on painkillers. One particular memory you weren't sure about. You tried to convince yourself it must've been a drug fuelled dream but weren't 100% sure that was the case.  

You'd been working up the courage to ask Jack when she decided to clean up the dishes from dinner and have a shower. It was probably for the best, gave you more time to over think it and make sure you were actually sure this was a conversation you wanted to have tonight when she was going to be at least staying for another one. You didn't want to make things awkward again. They'd been somewhat pleasant for the past few hours. But the feeling was there.  

"Acted, yes. Felt, no?" You repeated and this time out loud.  

"What did you say?"  

You jumped and tweaked your side causing you to roll over in pain. "Ow."

"Sorry!" She rushed to your side, crouching down in front of the couch. "Maybe it's time you went to bed."

You nod and try and straighten yourself out as best you can. Your side was still hurting from the sudden movement but you knew it was best to go to bed and ignore the reason why this happened in the first place. "All the linen you'll need is in the closet. I'd help but -"

"No need. Go sleep." She smiled but you could see her eyes were searching again. She clearly hadn't forgotten what you'd said but you weren't going to break the ice now.  

"Night."

"Good night."  

Your dream wanted to curse you. They made you relive the hostage situation over and over and the last one your mind decided to be a cruel trickster. You weren't in the building, instead it was Jack inside and you on the megaphone. Everything played out the same. You gave the order to breach and came rushing in after S.W.A.T and found Jack on the floor covered in blood. She was gasping for air and you had tears running down your face.  

"Stay with me Jack! Jack!" You yelled but she was slipping away, her breaths becoming more and more shallow. "Jack!"

"Hey!" A sharp voice rung in your ear, a gentle squeeze to your shoulder but when you looked around no one was there. "You're having a nightmare." The voice whispered and you shook your head. It was a living nightmare. "Wake up." The squeeze to the shoulder was a bit more forceful this time and a grace to your cheek had you squeezing your eyes shut. When you opened them again you were in your room, the lamp was on and Jack was sitting on your bed beside you. Her hand was cupping your cheek, wiping away a tear that escaped. "Hey." She whispered, running her thumb across your cheek one last time before pulling away.  

"Sorry I-"

"Want to talk about it?"  

"Nightmare."  

"I got that much. You shouted my name?"  

"You were in the bank, I came in behind SWAT and you were gasping for breath on the floor and then you-"  

"It was just a nightmare." Her hand cupped your cheek again and you couldn't help but lean into it just to make sure she was really here. "I'm right here." She could always read you like a book.  

"Jack in the hospital, you - "

"Acted, yes. Felt, no."

"I wasn't just dreaming that?"  

"Well you might've been with the state you were in but no. I said those words."  

"What did you mean by.. it?" At that question she got up, making herself pace back and forth in your bedroom because it was the middle of the night and neither of you were prepared for this conversation right now. But it just felt like the time to ask.  

"Does it really have to be said?"

"Answering my question with a question.."  

"Don't do that."

"Use your deflection tricks against you." You sigh, raising your left arm and tucking in behind your head. "If you don’t want to or can't I -"

"You don't understand. I was so angry for a long time. I hated you for most of it." She stopped pacing for a second to look at you but you didn't say anything. You couldn't, you needed her to finish her thought. "You broke my walls down but then broke me as well. The one person I trusted not to do that to me and you did." She choked and sat back down on the bed, tears falling down her cheeks and she buried her head in her hands.  

You were expecting an admission, even anger directed at you but you weren't expecting this. It broke your heart all over again to see her like this. Like the day you left. You tried your best to sit up in bed but the pain to your side and leg were too painful. Jack felt you shift and immediately put a hand on your thigh to still your movements. "I'm sorry. I'll say it til the day I die to let you know how sorry I am for that night."  

"I wish I tried harder to get you to stay or-"  

"Jack you have nothing to be sorry for. That decision was all me. I put my career first and didn't want to drag you along with it. I was going to be gone for months on end and didn't want to leave you-"

"You left like I was never a reason to stay." The words just slipped out, like she'd been holding onto them for five years and finally had the chance to say them.

You could feel the tears building up again, the corner of your eyes becoming blurry. "I left because I needed to and you deserved better."

Tears still rolling down her face, you moved your hand up to wipe them away but she moved away. Her hand coming up to wipe them away herself. "I deserved a chance to give us a try."  

"Yes you did and I'll regret letting you go and pushing you away for the rest of my life." You'd regretted it the moment you did it and saw her walking away but you'd made your bed and you had to sleep in it for the next five years.

Jack yawns, trying her best to hold it in but you can't help but yawn as well. "I should go back to sleep." Her walls were back, the only evidence of her emotional breakdown was her tear stained cheeks.  

"Jack.. I really am sorry."  

"I know." She nods, standing up and fidgeting with the hem of her top. "Try and get some sleep. I'll be down the hall if you need anything."  

You just nodded and then she was gone. The emotions from the last few minutes still swirling around in your head. Did that all just really happen? You slump back into your pillows and shut your eyes, willing sleep to come but it never did. The clock on your bedside table read 0345 and you groaned. This was going to be a long few hours battling with your thoughts.  

At some point you must've drifted off because the loud clash from the kitchen had your eyes springing open and your head pounding. You sat up slightly, propping yourself the best you could on your pillows.  

Jack walked into your bedroom moments later and saw you were awake and concerned. "Sorry, just misplaced a glass in the sink." She placed a fresh glass of water on the bedside table and handed you your medication.  

You took it and relaxed back into the pillows. Jack walked out of the room and with that the memories of early this morning flashing back through your mind. This was going to be a long day. Who was going to break first? Or were you both going to do what you did best, ignore it ever happened.  

Ignoring it was. You managed to get out of bed once the pain medication kicked in and even slipped into the shower for a moment to yourself before getting changed and joining Jack in the lounge room. She was curled up in the armchair with her laptop and a cup of coffee.  

"Want me to get you something for breakfast?"  

"There's nothing in that kitchen other than coffee and maybe some milk, Jack."  

"Look again." You saw her smirk before you wondered into the kitchen and saw a new box of cereal, bread and brownies on the counter. "Alex called this morning asking how you were and if you needed anything. I asked if she could pick up some necessities."  

This only reminded you that you needed to call your team. Alex was sweet for checking in, the fact that she called Jack instead of you was something though. "Brownies are necessities now?"  

"They are when you have nightmares early in the morning."  

"Right." You agree before picking up at brownie and returning to the couch. The calories didn't count when you felt like this, that would just be cruel.  

Jack smirked seeing you choosing the brownie for breakfast. "There's more milk in the fridge as well as some cheese, bacon and butter."  

"You planning on making something Jack?" There was nothing about that list that was healthy and it made you smile. Same old Jack if she wasn't getting take out, she was making comfort food. There was one night early in your previous relationship that she made you dinner and there were some green vegetables on your plate. You wouldn't stop teasing her about it for the next week which ended with her elbow in your side and later her legs around your -

"Which leads me to the macaroni I found in the back of the cupboard."

Your prayers were answered. It was one of your favourite meals and no one could make it the same as Jack Sloane. "Ah, Mac and Cheese."  

The brownie was scrumptious and the perfect breakfast after the night you had. The nightmares you could remember. Unlike a nice dream, nightmares you could always remember. You distracted yourself with a book for a while and then found a movie to watch and fall asleep to. Thankfully this time you just saw darkness, no dreams, no nightmares and were woken up to the sound of Jack moving around in the kitchen a few hours later. You didn't move, just looked over at Jack and watched her.  

There were those feelings again. Bubbling up to the service, they really hadn't died down since last night or when you heard her voice over the megaphone, come to think of it they hadn't been far below the service since you walked up those stars all those months ago and there was Jack Sloane. She was here, after all that had happened and doing her best to ignore you, avoid you, she was here. She hadn't hesitated when offering to look after you and take you home, she hadn't backed out when she could've and now, she was cooking in your kitchen like she was meant to be there.  

The image made you smile as she prepared the mac and cheese. The conversation from last night flooded your mind and how it was still left hanging. Did you make a mends? It was a step in the right direction, you hoped.  

"You know staring is rude."  

You couldn't help but laugh. How long had she known you were awake? Probably the whole time, she was just that good. "Just enjoying the view." It was so cheesy and you hoped cute as well. If it didn't then you could always fall back on the concussion as an excuse.  

Jack turned and gave you a wink before turning back to the stove. "Think that explosion hit you a little harder than you've been letting on."

You laughed, shifting back down onto your back lifting your hands behind your head. She was thankfully in a sassy mood today. You flicked back through the channels and not finding anything satisfying to watch you turned to Netflix.  

She walked into the lounge room and sat down in her chair. It was now her chair. "I watched that a few months ago." She commented as you clicked on Dead to Me.

"New season just dropped last week. Want to watch?" You quite enjoyed the first season, it was a bit dark but funny. Not to mention the slight crush you had on Judy.  

The mac and cheese was crisping in the oven and was smelling delicious as you enjoyed the first episode and you watched the second episode enjoying the creamy heavenly meal. There definitely was something different to her mac an cheese and you were determined to get the recipe from her, one day. That was the realisation there. You wanted Jack in your life, not just right now but in the future, far in the future. You had started something last night and she had finished it or just put a cork in it for now. Was now the right time? Was there ever a right time? Time was usually wasted trying to figure that out and then before you know it, it's gone all together.  

"Just speak."  

"You're too good -." Of course, she’d caught you thinking, probably staring but some days you could’ve sworn she could read minds.  

"Pause the show first."  

You laugh and hit pause before shifting to face Jack a bit more. She's in the armchair with a mug of coffee in her hands and her feet tucked under her. You take a deep breath and try and pick up where you finished last night. "Last night.. We said some things, admitted more things and seeing you this morning. It just feels right." The words were all wrong and didn't sound at all the way you wanted them to but how were you meant to ask her out again? Like she would even give you another shot but the way she was watching you, the softness in her eyes. It was a look you hadn't seen in a while. "How do you feel Jack?"

Her eyes didn't leave yours, searching, she was always searching. Something she probably couldn't help from her profession. "That this, us has been considerably easier than I thought it would be."  

"Minus all the tears and heartbreak from last night." You watched as she tensed again, she was trying her best to keep her emotions under control but her eyes were welling up. Her emotions always seemed to be right on the service around you lately, probably because of all the high stress and no space.  

"It was needed."

"Definitely was."  

Jack diverted her eyes, wiping a tear away before placing her hands together and looking back at you through her long lashes. "So where does this leave us then, y/n?"

"Where do you want to be, Jay?" You knew the use of that nickname would soften her and you watched as the emotion washed over her. The memories of when you used it in the past and all the happy moments it brought up. She softened in front of you, her shoulders relaxed as she took a deep breath.  

"I want us to be able to be friends again. To go to the farmers markets on the weekends, to chat at the office, to chat about anything to each other. What do you want y/n?" Her eyes were searching yours, hoping you'd want the same.  

Your head was pounding, the painkillers were starting to wear off and you'd need to take some more soon but that wasn't important right now. Jack had just laid it all out on the table for you, you could tell she wasn't telling you the whole truth. How could she? You'd ripped her heart out before and could never make up for that but maybe, just maybe one day you'd get close.  

"I want to have all those things and more. I want to run my hand through your hair because I can, I want to trace the lines in your hands just to feel close to you, I want to just look into your eyes and see the possibility there, I want to trace my fingers over your soft skin any chance I get. I want you Jack. I never stopped wanting you." Drawing in a shaky breath as you watch a tear roll down her cheek. One would've rolled down yours as well but the headache was too painful for you to be able to concentrate on anything else. You were surprised you managed to get the words out.

She got up from her seat and joined you on the couch. Her hand cupping your cheek and drawing you in. You sucked in a breath, your heart pounding so hard because you couldn't believe it and before you could say anything her lips met yours. You both just stayed there for a minute, not moving because one if you did your head might explode and two you just didnt want to. This was perfect, you didn't need a deep, tongue driven kiss. You felt her emotions, the way she brought her other hand up to cup your other cheek and the tears that flowed from her. She was a mess but hopefully she was your mess now. You wrapped your hands around her waist and pulled her close. She broke the kiss and placed another one on your forehead.  

"I hate to break up this out of the universe moment but I really need more pain meds or I'm going to chop my head clean off my body." You sigh, feeling Jack's hands leave your face, you close your eyes as she goes and collects the meds and a glass of water.  

And it was really that simple. When she brings you the water and meds, she doesn't leave your side, even insists you move over so she can slip in beside you. The rest of the day and night spent watching Dead to Me wrapped up in each other's arms. She wouldn't stop touching you after that and you wouldn't dare stop her. You both fall asleep on the couch, mostly because you didn't dare move once you heard her snoring. You tried to wake Jack once years ago from a peaceful sleep and regretted it for a week.  

The next morning you wake up to the smell and comfort of Jack wrapped around you and your nose pressed firmly into the base of her neck. "Morning." You mumble with a smile.  

She wrapped her arms tighter around your waist at the sound of your voice. "Morning." She breathed, placing a kiss to your cheek.  

Just like that life was right again. She took care of you for the rest of the day until you forced her out, only for her to get more clothes and check in on her apartment and then she came right back. You hardly spent a night apart unless you had a long case then she'd stay at her place but most weekends off were spent together and you started cooking again. The biggest reward was seeing her huge smile when you made her favourites and her moans of pleasure while eating usually lead to other activities. Sure, it wasn't perfect all the time, she was Jack Sloane after all but no one was perfect. Life was a bitch and in your profession that was evident almost every day.

. . . . 

There we have it. That’s all she wrote. Hopefully it was worth the wait. 

[mandadoration]

hound - ix. 

summary: As you go around the galaxy collecting your bounties, things are easier between you and Mando, but there’s some kind of uncertainty that swells about the nature of your relationship. Greef Karga calls you out on it as well.

word count: 3, 676

pairing: mandalorian x mandalorian!reader

Warnings: canon-typical violence, 

a/n: This is more of a montage sequence? If that makes sense. a/n at the bottom!

chapters: i | ii | iii | iv | v | vi | vii | viii | ix

Read this on AO3

You don’t know how long it’s been when you wake up, but this is the first time in a while that you’ve let yourself slowly get up from sleep instead of waking up disoriented, so you savor it. You had fallen asleep so fast in all your armor that your neck is sore, but you feel more alert than you have in days. It’s not just your body that feels relieved. Your mind is lighter without having your fears locked up inside you. 

The Razor Crest is no longer up in the air, and the engines are off. You sit up, stretching and groaning when your spine lets out a satisfying series of cracks and pops. 

“Sleep well?” comes Mando’s voice. His head pops up from the top of the ladder leading up to the cockpit. “You woke up just in time. We’ve landed on Atris.” He climbs down the ladder and throws you a packet of pills. You read the label. “I couldn’t find any rations, but I managed to scrounge up some vita-caps and hydration tablets,” he explains. 

“These are expensive,” you say hesitantly. Vita-caps and hydration tablets were usually for emergency situations or last-ditch efforts, not because you were too lazy to find food. He shrugs. 

“And we’re about to get paid.”

--

“I think it’s a crime that vita-caps taste so bad,” you note dryly. 

“You’re still on that?” Mando asks. After you had swallowed down your meager breakfast, you two had made quick work of getting ready and debriefing each other about the bounty. It was some old droid that had gone rogue, but had valuable information that would’ve let some people in very high places know about some behind-the-scenes romping that went on. This one was an easy job that made a decent amount of money. The conversation between you two had flowed smoothly, your good mood uplifting Mando’s. But the muggy, humid air of Atris has started to sour it.

Mando swats at a cloud of insects as he pushes past the brush, and you pull your boot from the sinking mud of the undergrowth.

“Yes, I’m still on that!” you huff. “Could you imagine that you’re starving, desperate for any kind of food, and your only option is a pill that tastes like the way coarse sand feels?” Mando groans, but it’s half-hearted and obviously for show.

“If I’m starving,” he says, “I would be grateful that I won’t die. No matter how bad it tastes.”

You scoff. “I refuse to believe that you would do that. You complain the most! Next to me, of course, but I--”

He shushes you and halts when he hears a rustle. After a moment, it rustles again, this time accompanied by the squeaking of hinges. You look at Mando, and Mando looks at you, and then you both raise your vambraces and shoot out your grappling hooks. A disgruntled, robotic shout scares birds from the treeline, and more complaints start when you two start reeling the protocol droid in. “That was very unnecessary! Honestly, bounty hunters are so rude.”

“Well, that was easy,” Mando says. He nudges the droid with his boot, distaste seeping into his tone. “We didn’t even have to get to town to find it.” 

“You don’t have to do this,” it says mildly. It doesn’t even try to resist you as you haul it up and point you electrostaff at him. 

“You’re right,” Mando responds. “We don’t.” But he slaps a pair of cuffs on him and nudges him back the way you came. You don’t think the cuffs are needed for a droid that was meant for translation and communication, but you have a hatred for droids anyways, and you take some kind of sick pleasure in watching it try to keep balance without the use of its hands as it treks through the soft earth. Mando turns to you and picks up the conversation right where you left off. “But I do agree with you that they aren’t the best tasting.”

“Thank you!”

The protocol droid is confused. 

--

“Good thing that took like, what, two hours max?” you ask him. You go through the main processor of the protocol droid and deactivate it before stuffing it in a random cabinet somewhere. It’s clunky and you hope that hadn’t crushed anything important. There was no use in wasting carbonite on him, and honestly you don’t even know if you could safely do that. “You know where that gang member is? Carluis?” Anxiety starts creeping up on you at the memory of Desdre betraying you, of Pretre drugging you up, but you stamp it down before it can creep up too far. 

“I managed to track him down,” Mando says. He scrapes the mud off his boots with his vibroblade. “Bastard isn’t even trying to lie low. Apparently, he’s taken over a small fishing village in past the asteroid belt in the Aegis Prime system.” 

“A fishing village?” you repeat. “Why? Wasn’t he some big shot spice runner for that little gang he was in?” You take off your cape and finger the frayed and fried hem, but ultimately fold it back up and place it on top of your threadbare blanket. You’ve thought about splurging and buying a cape that was fireproof, but you had decided you liked the burnt look. Made you look roguish. 

“Key word being was,” Mando grunts, switching legs to dig out mud from his other boot. “I think he’s gone crazy from withdrawals. Took it out on the nearest community.” You hum. 

“So when you say ‘taken over’--”

“He’s basically having his own little dictator moment,” he supplies. “So we get in there, cuff him, stick him in carbonite, and hopefully we’ll be on our merry way to the text target. Freeing the village is just a bonus.”

--

Things are never as easy as you wished they were. 

You and Mando had decided to be stealthy and let the village know you were there to help, but it had looked like they had seen your armor and your weapons and started screaming their heads off, ignoring how Mando had hissed reassurances, thinking that you were also coming to kill them. It also looked like Carluis had time to prepare. 

“Kriff off!” Carluis screams, and throws a spear at you that you smoothly step out of the way for, but you have to jump out of the way for the makeshift flamethrower he’s made. And now half of the village is on fire. Because the buildings were made from reeds and wood, the flames leap from hut to hut, eating up a path. Mando has been tasked with evacuating the villagers. He’s ushering people into the treeline, going into burning buildings to try and salvage the most important items, but otherwise yelling at people to leave it behind. That leaves you to deal with the maniac. At this point, he’s screaming incomprehensibly, something about prison and traitor whores.

Most of his body is covered with salvaged metal and some kind of leather, so your medshots are essentially useless unless you can get close enough to exposed skin. With the chaos going around you, you really don’t want to spread the fire any further with your own flamethrower, and people were still running around you, making it too risky to use your blaster. 

It’s been a while since you’ve gotten to use your electrostaff. 

You sling it off your shoulder and into your hands and activate it, the cold crackle of electricity making the air around you tingle as purple light joins the reflection of the fires. Carluis must recognize that you mean business when his lip curls into a snarl and aims his flamethrower at you. Before he can shoot it, you send out your grappling line, and it catches, and you sharply tug, throwing off his aim so that flame licks at the already-burnt grass at his feet. 

“Mando!” he howls, and grabs a stray spear with his free hand to cut the line. 

“Nope!” you call out, flourishing your staff. You aren’t normally one to talk during a fight, to talk at all, really, but you’re having fun. Besides, taunting him would only give you more of an advantage. “I’m the other one.” You lunge forward, the tip of your staff crackling as you sweep his feet from under him. He jabs blindly as he goes down, but it bounces off your vambrace and out of his grip. Carluis rolls away, scrambling to get up and away from you, but you’ve shocked his legs and they’re weak. You stroll after him, adrenaline pumping through your veins. He’s quick to give up, the fight leaving him as all he focuses on is surviving. He bulldozes through the random debris, but fires he’s started trap him in the center of the village.

--

Mando is done with evacuating the village, who are now hiding in a small clearing, and rushes to find you. He knows the village is done for. Whatever fuel Carluis had used wasn’t burning out fast enough, but luckily, the trees are out of their range. He follows the screaming into the village center, where you’re dancing around him as he swipes at you with a small carving blade. He’s wondering if you’re hurt, and he hopes not, but he knows your penchant for getting hurt, but you’re still agile, and if he tunes out the roaring of flames and the cursing of your bounty, he hears you giggle. You’re playing with Carluis, he realizes, and although he’s not the one to waste time and is all for efficiency, this is the first he’s seen you really enjoy yourself. So he stands back and watches. 

Mando wonders if you’ve always been like this. Toying with your prey and poking and prodding to aggravate them instead of keeping up a stoic facade to maintain professionalism as you struggle to survive. But that isn’t to say there’s no method to your game. Carluis is a big man, and that’s not including his defensive gear, all hard muscle and protective fat, and he’s got a good foot on you. Even for Mando, dragging him back to the ship would be a difficult feat. You’re tiring him out, using his size to your advantage as you force him to move to keep up, shocking him once in a while to make sure he doesn’t just give up and start running. Eventually, you dig your staff into his side, shocking him for a good three seconds before he falls, limbs shaking. 

You hold the staff under his chin, dangerously close as a warning, and kick the flamethrower far out of his reach. You scan him for any more weapons. Mando walks up behind you and throws a pair of cuffs at him. 

“Cuff yourself,” he says, and then to you, “Good hunting.” Carluis scowls, but puts on the cuffs anyways, and you haul him to his feet. “But refrain from playing with your food, hm?”

--

Although Carluis had put up a fight again when you forced him into the carbonite chamber, you had tased him just as Mando had pressed the button, willing him into submission for long enough to freeze him. It’s so much easier to work with someone else, especially when you work well with Mando. 

“Next stop?” you ask him. When you turn to look, his hand is halfway in the air like he was grabbing for something or reaching for you. You look behind you to see what he might’ve been aiming for. “What are you--”

“Sorry,” Mando says, “there’s, um, well--” He drops his hand and it swings by his side. He’s flustered and it’s cute how he’s stumbling over his words. “You had, um, ash. On your helmet.” He motions to your head. “Like right, um.” You awkwardly swipe at your helmet. “No, let me- let me just…” You tense up as Mando wipes it off of your helmet.

“Uh. Thanks.” You stare at each for a second before Mando turns away and goes up the ladder. 

“We’re going to Ajan Kloss!” he calls down. 

Ah that’s right. You have four more bounties to get. 

--

It’s almost laughable how easily you and Mando were good at not talking about things. But you are too preoccupied with trying to ignore how the humidity of the jungle moon was making you sweat to ask him what the kriff happened back on the ship.

“I hate the jungle,” Mando finally complains. “It’s too humid, and there are bugs everywhere.”

“So you admit it,” you grunt out. You swear that a fern or something had just moved on its own, but you’re too busy trying to discreetly wipe away the sweat around your neck. This was such a downside to the Mandalorian life. Why did bounties always go somewhere awful? Couldn’t they go somewhere nice and preferably climate-controlled? Is that too much to ask? It’s always too hot or too cold or not enough air or, Maker save you, lava.

“That I hate the heat? Yes.”

“No. That you complain a lot.” Mando swats at you, and you laugh. Conversation flows so easy between you now, the back and forth banter natural and easy. When you go to retaliate, he’s suddenly gone, your hand going through air where had attempted to playfully jab him. “What the--” Mando’s yelling catches your attention. He’s being dragged away, some vines wrapped around his legs as he claws for purchase, branches snapping.  

“Mando!” You immediately chase after him, pulling out your staff as you struggle to keep up. Whatever this plant was, it seemed to have tracked you for a while, the vines slithering back the way you came. You speed up, staff crackling, as you jab it towards the thickest vine. An awful squeal pierces the air, but it lets Mando go and goes up some tree. You catch bend over to catch your breath as Mando groans and flips himself on his back. You stifle a laugh. He’s covered in dirt and grass and what you hope is mud, but you did see a large animal some ways back. 

“I’m okay,” he grumbles. “Thanks for asking.” Mando gets up and tries his best to clean himself up, but he just ends up smearing it around. You tuck your staff away, and use the end of your cape to wipe off his visor so that at least he can see. Before you can think about it, you affectionately pat his helmet before you once again being your trek to the last known location of your bounty.

Luckily the bounty, a female Ootoolan, was half-starved and came without any issue, although the heat ended up being too much for her, so you hauled her over your shoulder back to the Razor Crest. On your way there, however, another figure jumped out of the brush, waving a crude sword and babbling in some alien language and pointing to the figure on your shoulder. When you squint, you recognize him as the Devronian that was also, conveniently, part of your list of bounties. You shoot two medshots at him, accounting for weight and height, and he goes down quickly.

The look you give Mando clearly says that you expect him to carry him. 

Four down, two more to go. 

--

It’s almost suspicious how easy it was to get all of your bounties, even the other pair that was trying to outrun the Razor Crest on foot, that even Mando is a little on guard. But you aren’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth, so you just attribute it to a stroke of good luck and move on. It’s not until Mando lands down on Nevarro that he finally relaxes. They’re quick to start unloading all of the carbonite slabs off of the ship and the singular droid as you and Mando enter the cantina. Greef Karga greets you warmly.

“Mando and his Hound!” he boasts. “You’ve made quick work! I’m impressed.” Your eye twitches when he refers to you as Mando’s, but you stay silent and slide into the booth, throwing the tracking fobs onto the table. Mando sits next to you, and although he sits a respectful distance from you, his knee leans against yours hesitantly, waiting for you to pull away, but instead you press back. People are whispering about you again, glaring at you in distaste. Probably because you two had taken most of the pucks. 

“Easy,” Mando says smoothly. “Almost suspiciously so.” Karga laughs. 

“Of course it was easy!” he says, fake surprise lacing his tone. He leans in close. “Two Mandalorians? Especially of your caliber and reputation? It’s no wonder it was easy.” He slaps the table. 

“Our payment?” Mando asks. Karga digs into his pockets and pulls out credits, counting them out and sliding it over to you. Mando takes them and tucks them into his bag, intent on counting them out later away from Karga’s eyes. You watch with furrowed eyebrows as Mando moves to leave. 

“Aren’t you going to ask for more bounties?” Karga asks, speaking your mind. “I’ve got plenty that I’m sure will catch your eye.” Mando shakes his head. “Don’t tell me you’re leaving the guild?”

“I’m not,” Mando says stiffly. “And before you ask, neither is Dog.” Maybe you’re destined to always be confused whenever you’re in the same room as Greef Karga because Mando definitely did not talk to you about this. As far as you were concerned, you thought that you would continue the same song and dance of chasing bounty after bounty until one of you bit the dust or Mando got tired of keeping you around. Karga stares at Mando, then you, then back at Mando with an unreadable expression. 

“Vacation, Mando?” he asks. Mando tenses. 

“Just a break,” he corrects stiffly. “No questions, remember? C’mon, Dog.” You slide out of the booth with one last look at Greef Karga. 

“Attachments are dangerous, Mando,” Greef Karga warns cooly. “Especially in this line of work. Don’t compromise yourself.” Attachments? What was he talking about? But Mando leaves before you can give him a questioning look, and you have no choice but to follow after him. 

When you get to the ship, you finally speak up, “Why didn’t we take any pucks?” you ask quietly. Mando hands you your share of the credits as he talks. You tuck them away without counting. You trust Mando to give you a fair share.

“I told you, we need to pick up some supplies and get some more stuff before we go out--”

“That’s what you told Karga,” you interrupt. “We aren’t low on anything. Sure, we can refuel and get more supplies, but we usually take pucks anyways.” You cross your arms and stand in his way so that he can’t move past you. “Is it that attachment he mentioned? If you have, like, a secret family that I don’t know about, that’s fine and all, but just don’t lie to me--”

“No, it’s not that. What are you-- Why would I even have a secret family? I don’t--” Mando cuts himself off with a sigh and puts his hands on his belt and leans against the wall of the Razor Crest. “It’s just… We’ve been working non-stop,” he says carefully. He’s thinking about his words. “And while I wouldn’t mind taking on more bounties, I’ve never worked with another hunter this long before.” You tilt your head and motion for him to continue. “So I thought- What I’m trying to say is that I think- Well, actually maybe I should’ve asked you about this--” You spare him. 

“You want to take a vacation,” you say for him. You shrug. “That’s fine.” Mando watches you as you start gathering your stuff and folding it to put into your bag later. “You should’ve just told me.” You start making a list in your head. You’ve been sharing rations with Mando, but you were out, so that means that you need to get more with the money you got from the bounties, you can afford to get some more and maybe catch a ship out of Nevarro back to your usual Guild hideout. Or maybe Mando would be nice enough to drop you off. You hope that the good parts of the rumors that’s been circulating about you have reached there by now. That would help with work. “Would it be possible for you to drop me off on in the Yavin system?” you ask him. 

“What?”

“Yeah, I don’t have a ship, so I was wondering if--”

“Where are you going?” You blink up at him. 

“Um, you said you wanted a break, right? So I’m… leaving?” Mando stays silent, and you start to get flustered. “Um, it’s okay, I’m sure I can get a--”

“No! That’s not what I meant,” Mando says, laughing nervously, but he gathers himself and clears his throat. 

You bristle. “Well if you think I’m just going to wait here for you to get back, you’ve got another thing coming--”

“I want you to come with me,” Mando finally explains, and you nearly drop your bag. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” he starts. “But I was thinking about how, uh, hard you work and, um,” he’s losing steam as he keeps talking. “I guess I forgot to ask if you even wanted to come with, but I actually do need to get some supplies for the ship, and I thought it’d be nice if, you know, uh, came with and, wow okay I did not think this through--”

“Okay.”

“What?” You drop your bag back on your cot. 

“Okay,” you repeated.

“‘Okay’ as in I did not think this through or--”

“‘Okay’,” you stress, “as in I’ll come with you. But also yes, you did not think this through.” You smile, and you know Mando is too. You’ll forgive him this time. Besides, you like it when he rambles. 

Maker knows he rambles on enough for the both of you. 

--

a/n: I know this chapter was a little boring in terms of plot, but I took this chapter as a time to really develop their growing relationship a little further in an almost mundane way because let’s face it, taking care of each other’s wounds? Carrying them through the streets while they’re unconscious? That’s like. Tier 5 in terms of relationships I’m pretty sure, and they skipped all of that so…. 

--

Hound Tag List: @knockbeforeyouspeak​​ @gothtechie​ @killtherandomness​  @cyraris​ @lustriix​ @softspacecowboys 

[telmes]

there's no such thing as time to kill

note: did i fact check anything when i wrote this or did i just vomit words that make no sense when strung together? 

disclaimer: major character death.

words: 1,945

vi.

.

You’re dying.

The thought lingers in Gabriel’s still functioning brain. Two minutes have passed since it makes itself known. Somehow, Gabriel knows that it takes approximately four to six minutes before the brain finally ceases to function.

He doesn’t actually know. It’s a random number, a random thought. Two minutes and fifty seconds have passed. It means nothing now, to assume.

Three minutes have passed. That was also how long since his whole body had shut down.

His body is dead. You’re dead.

It’s like, it makes little sense. You were healthy as can be. And then you aren't. You were going to your wedding planner to finalize the whole ceremony. And then you aren’t. You were going to start a new family, build back from whatever ashes you held in your hands. And then you aren’t.

Three minutes and forty seconds have passed.

Dying? Dead? Maybe, maybe. 

He is not old and decrepit. He hasn't lived his life. He should be better. Thirty more years, at least. Old enough for another child, maybe. A girl, hopefully, with eyes as bright and as blue as Nathalie’s. Maybe with hair as dark as well, but, you wouldn’t fault your little girl if she gets your blonde instead. 

Or another boy. Or whatever they choose to be. Either or. 

Maybe grandchildren from Adrien and Marinette, at least. They keep talking about a little girl named Emma and two little boys named Hugo and Louis. They keep saying things like, they’ll call you grand-père and you’ll get to see them, despite the way you treated Adrien during his years growing up under your thumb. 

Speaking of his son—

Adrien is, or was, standing at the foot of Gabriel’s bed, watching the slow descent of his supposed-to-be step-mother’s life. Nathalie is, or was, standing by Gabriel’s right, blinking, watching her supposed-to-be husband fading away. The air around them feels so cold, arctic even. They were never a warm family, but this is—

Oh my Nathalie, Gabriel thinks. Regret burns deep in his throat. His numbing fingers long to brush against her cheeks, where her tears are running tracks, prominent and glistening, and where he often kisses her when she least expects it. 

Gabriel may have smiled at the thought. Four minutes and thirteen seconds. The crinkle in his eyes is obvious enough to his fiance. Nathalie blinks again, and again, and now there are more tears running down her cheeks. Four minutes and thirty seconds. The action doesn't register anymore because Gabriel's vision has long faded and Nathalie is not even a blur now, not even the bright red of her hair recognizable. He smiles anyway, not feeling the way she grabs his arm, nails digging into his skin, his muscles, his bones. 

It should be painful. 

It isn't. It isn't and he isn't afraid.

His smile is frozen on his lips. Five minutes have passed.

His brain finally stops.

. 

You know she will have to let go. (She never will.)

.

v. 

.

When Hawkmoth is found (finally), head bowed in defeat, Gabriel thinks of death.

It is almost a guarantee. You know, they’ll want your head. If not the heroes, Paris will. You’ve spent the better part of three years, vying for jewelry for a quest that won’t see the light of day now because you’ve lost. 

It’s over. Emilie is gone. 

Emilie is gone.

The thought lingers in the air, stale and predictable. Ladybug and Chat Noir are around, somewhere, looking. Looking for what? What else do they need but the Butterfly, still pinned on your chest, thrumming with Paris’ emotions, equal parts uncertainty and hope? 

(The Peacock, maybe.)

Mayura is nowhere to be found. Good news, at least. Gabriel wouldn’t know what to do had she been caught too. But they must know who she is, now that they know who he is. But then again, Mayura has been nowhere since they came for you. She hasn’t been anywhere since you sent her away all those months ago.

Gabriel wonders where she is now— if she’s in Paris at all.

Maybe it’s fear that he catches the scent of, mingling with the air. Thickening. His hands are slicked with sweat beneath his gloves and his chest is heaving with anxiety. He remembers the days spent in the sanctity of his lair, perusing through Paris’ emotions like an open book. 

Anger is always the most prevalent one. Fear is always a close second. They go hand in hand, sometimes, and they’re familiar on his tongue.

And right now, he can sense it. Fear. It’s not his own. He knows what his fear smells, tastes like. (Like peaches, oh, but, it’s not like you’ll admit that it tasted like your favorite fruit.)

Chat Noir glances at him and doesn’t say a word. Is it his? He stands there and he stares at Gabriel and everything about this is wrong, wrong, wrong. His eyes are set in a hard glare and his features twisted with disappointment and rage and Gabriel can feel it and it's wrong.

A shadow shields him from the sunlight draped on his pathetic form and when he looks up, it’s his Nathalie. She’s back and now his forehead is wet and his glasses are askew and his mouth is taut and his chest is heaving and emotions are so, so confusing that, if he could just say something—

She takes away his brooch and everything dims into the background, like a faint humming, like static. He inhales. His chest feels lighter already.

.

The headlines say, Hawkmoth is finally defeated!

The headlines should say, Hawkmoth is finally dead!

.

iv.

.

This was supposed to be a victory. 

When you think of victory, you think of Emilie. She will be beside you, holding your hand. You will rejoice because a year-long quest will finally be fulfilled. You will have a tearful reunion and Adrien will finally be happy.

But, but, but—

The air shifts into something stifling. Nathalie moans behind him. She struggles to lift her head. He has to hold her (and, oh, her skin feels too cold to the touch, you wonder if you need a new chamber down in the basement prepared).

She breathes in short puffs and, maybe, you imagine that the air around her feels like a noose. The sun hurts her so you put her by the shade. Maybe she will be fine. She says she will be fine.

Gabriel believes her, but only for a little while. 

When they arrive home and when he places her on her bed, her head lolls to the side. At least she looks peaceful, asleep. At least there’s no pain. The apologies slosh around his tongue and he tries to swallow them before they spill and wake her. 

But Nathalie doesn't wake for two days. Gabriel is beside himself.

If she dies, if she dies, you know.

Her hands feel cold to the touch. She weighs like a feather. He thinks of that joke he heard Adrien tell her before, which is heavier, a ton of feathers or a ton of rocks?  

She answers, they're the same, but he shakes his head.

It’s the feathers , and then he laughs at her expression, because you have to carry the weight of what you did to all those birds.

If she dies, you die. It's as simple as that.

.

(iii.)

. 

“Your son—” Nathalie’s breath hitches. He can taste her regret when he licks his lips clean from the anticipation. “Your son is Chat Noir.”

Gabriel's ears are ringing. His cane has fallen on the marble beneath his feet and the butterflies around him have been startled by the sound.

Chat Noir is Adrien. Adrien is Chat Noir. Chat Noir is your enemy. Adrien is your son.

Victory feels so, so close now. Adrien will want you to succeed. He will want his mother back.

Nathalie’s voice echoes but he is too far away in his thoughts for her to reach, reveling in a would-be future with Emilie and Adrien and him. Perfectly happy and content. 

. 

Hawkmoth watches Chat Blanc’s eyes. Can’t help but stare into them. Something akin to despair reeks from his gaze. Or betrayal, or hesitation, or fear, or contempt. In it, he sees nothing but Chat Blanc and not Adrien Agreste, sees the anguish he caused with the clench in Chat Blanc’s jaw, at that wide-eyed desperation as Chat Blanc fervently keeps his power in check.

. 

Maybe that’s where Gabriel realizes that victory (Emilie) is slipping away. Because Chat Blanc (not Adrien, not Chat Noir) keeps on defying him. Because Ladybug is still here, destroy her!, and yet Chat Blanc still persists on holding Cataclysm in his father’s face. 

. 

When Gabriel hears it softly said, before everything turns to white, I’m sorry, he knows it’s not for him.

. 

ii.

. 

Gabriel never thinks about the consequences when he is too immersed in an idea. Never does it occur to him that there is something so painstakingly obvious about keeping information that could cost you, from someone that held no loyalty to you.

An idea. Akumatizing a sentient machine. A fact. The Miraculous granting wishes. 

Robustus is a sentient machine who wants to be human. A real Pinocchio, that thing. Are you supposed to be his Blue Fairy? You’ve granted his wish but can’t grant your own?

But he’s powerful and that’s enough for Gabriel. He can take back Robustus’ powers. Cut the deal short.

Until, well, until he couldn’t.

Oh, dear.

. 

Nathalie finds him later, the security system disabled and him lying in rubble. His head is on her lap as he dreams of Emilie. 

The Miraculous protected him from the brunt of it all, and she wonders how he is so lucky to be alive at all.   

. 

i.

. 

Tell me a bedtime story.

You want to start with 'Once upon a time,', but that's a cliche you're trying to avoid. You want to start at the end and work your way down, but you'll spoil the surprise that way. You want to start in the middle, but that'll just confuse me.

Maybe if you say, you’re dying, you’ll catch their attention. 

When did it start?

. 

How do you greet Emilie a good morning when she is the epitome of the sun?

You don’t. You never do. 

In kneeling in front of her coffin, holding a bouquet of Baby’s Breaths and mourning, he will never know how to say good morning again. In holding the Miraculous in his hand, feeling the burn of magic against his palm, he will never learn what regrets are until he’s faced with them again.

Emilie held everything good in the world. Her pink-stained cheeks and bright green eyes hide her black-ink heart. Just like you, just like you— both the same in that regard, so naturally, you gravitate around her like the Earth does three hundred and sixty-five days around the Sun. 

But is it that simple?

She is also his muse. She holds out her hand and he will take it without question. He looks past verdant meadows and sees the faint lines of jagged hills, carved sharp and imposing— and there Emilie stands, as if she’s on Mt. Everest instead of a piece of land even he could climb. But she makes it so enticing that he regards it as a trial to overcome until he stands beside her at the top.

And maybe that’s why Gabriel is adamant. And maybe that’s why he wants her back. And maybe that’s why he loses himself when she succumbs; when she presses the Butterfly to his heart before she leaves; when he promises her return as the Miraculous bites onto his chest, marking their vows.

[jeonsdear]

It’s you - (IV)

↬ Parts:  I , II, III, V, VI, VII , VIII , IX ,X, XI

↬ Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (oc: female)

↬ Genre: college!au, soulmate!au, fluff, angst, smut, noona!reader

↬ Rating: sfw

↬ Warnings: loveless relationship

↬ Accompanying song:  HENRY 헨리 ‘It’s You’ (Live Ver.) (check out the                                         spotify version too!)

↬ Notes: Hey! Here’s the fourth part. Hope you enjoy, loves. And please let me know what you think, that’s a great motivation for writing - and I love talking to you.  Likes and especially reblogs are always appreciated ♡     —  English isn’t my first language so excuse any mistakes

↬ Word Count: 1.8 K

When you are not fed love on a silver spoon you learn to lick it off knives.

Starting your senior year at college you promised yourself to make the most of it. But after watching your best friend taking her boyfriend Jungkook for granted and your own soulmate drowning in despair, you find yourself caught in a web of lies and heartbreak. How can you believe in love when the one destined for you doesn’t want you?

read my stories here request imagines, reactions and text messages here find me on archive of our own here

You woke up to strong limbs wrapped around you and a hot breath tickling your neck. Through your half shut eyes you noticed the sunshine filling your bedroom but most of your brain was occupied with coming to terms why you were so hot. Hot and comfy.

With a silent groan you squirmed in the hold but it had the opposite effect – the limbs around you tightened their hold on you and your sleepy brain just decided to shut your eyes once again. This was way too tiring that early in the morning.

It took a few minutes for the memories to slowly come back to you and the little whine next to your ear was undeniable coming from Jungkook.  Right. He had shared his secrets with you last night. Cried in your arms. At some point you both had almost fallen asleep so you proposed for him to stay over, not quite expecting for the boy to join you in your bed twenty minutes later.

“Can I stay with you?“ “Yeonseo isn’t here you can take-“ “Please Noona“

And you had nodded and watched him climb into your bed, shuffling under the covers and turning onto his side facing you. You hadn’t minded. You still didn’t. Not at all.

You kept your eyes shut while you thought about how you both had fallen asleep facing each other and now woke up tangled up in long limbs. Jungkook’s breath was even, still deeply asleep, and you couldn’t stop the shiver running down your back when you felt the softness of his lips slightly brushing against the sensitive skin of your neck. Unconsciously he nuzzled his face further into the crook of your neck and you noticed how one of his legs were caught between your own. When you slowly turned on your back, his arm that was wrapped around your waist fell down to rest on your stomach and the fingers of his hand came to rest on your rips. Slowly opening your eyes and carefully turning your head, you came face to face with a sleeping Jungkook.

Fucking adorable.

His lips slightly parted he looked younger than he had last night and the little curve upwards of his lips made him look peaceful. Happy even.

You only noticed you had lifted your hand to gently stroke his cheek when he sighed and nestled into the palm of your hand.

“Please don’t wake up“, you whispered and didn’t dare to move. This felt too good to have it taken away from you. You wanted to lay here for the next few hours, bathing in the warm sunlight and just watching the sleeping boy next to you. Skinship wasn’t something unfamiliar between you and Jungkook. But this right here felt way more intimate. Not only because you both were cuddled up in your bed but because both of your bodies had quite obviously sought each other’s contact in the night. You couldn’t blame this on the boy. You must have moved towards him as well seeing how intertwined your legs were with his. And what the hell was your free hand doing just now? Your eyes fell on your fingers that rested on the small patch of tan skin where his shirt had ridden up, just above his waistline. You really meant to move your hand, really. But your thumb started stroking the soft skin.

With a groan, Jungkook suddenly moved and pulled you towards him, right into his body. A warm hand found its way under your shirt on your back and the other wrapped around a thigh of yours and lifted it up over his hips.

You started to panic, thinking he had woken up, but a look into the face that was only inches away from yours confirmed he was still asleep. So you started to relax and close your eyes to sleep a little more.

Jungkook was a big cuddler. He always had been. He loved feeling someone else’s warmth and the steady beating of their heart. He loved holding someone. But he also loved being held.

So waking up and feeling himself wrapped around a soft female body filled him with content. He wasn’t really surprised either, your body fit perfectly against his bigger one and all your soft curves complimented his hard edges.  Jungkook had noticed before how he liked having you in his arms, and he tried anything he could. Honestly, he was surprised you weren’t complaining.  A hand on your arm here and there, back hugs while waiting for your Starbucks order. He just loved touching you and he was trying not to think about why.

Why ruin good things when he could just enjoy them?

Your uneven breathing told him you had woken up and he could feel your eyes on his face when you shifted in his arms so you were laying on your back. His fingers laying on your ribs twitched and he was trying not to pull you closer and give himself away.

He would scare you. He was quite sure of it. As soon as he opened his eyes you would feel embarrassed. So he kept you believing he was still asleep.

His attempts were in vain when he could feel your thumb rubbing just above his waistline and goosebumps erupted on his skin.

The groan coming out of his mouth was unintentional and he pulled you back into him, forcing your limbs to wrap back around him.

This was more than nice. The skin under his hand that was resting on your back, under your shirt, was soft and warm and the weight of your leg thrown over his hips felt safe.

Jungkook felt safe.

Last night he had felt so vulnerable. And little. Like he was that small boy again he had been when his family fell apart.

If you hadn’t held him, he mused, he would have fallen apart.

And you didn’t even know.

Jungkook could feel you slowly drifting off to sleep again and he dared to open his eyes.  Long eyelashes rested on your cheekbones and the cute pout of your mouth made him smile. Inhaling deeply, he realized how nice your scent was. He felt the urge to bury his head back into the crook of your neck. Or your hair.

But Jungkook stayed right where he was and just enjoyed the calming atmosphere.

With his girlfriend, he only found himself in bed with when it was about sex. She didn’t like sleeping together.

Actual sleeping.

Of course Jungkook knew she liked him for his body and his easy going personality. Contrary to your belief he was well aware. But as he had confessed last night: he was trying to keep himself alive. So he had chosen her over his soulmate.

It wasn’t like he had lied to you. No, Jungkook had meant every word. But he never mentioned how he wished he could choose his soulmate. The thought of having her hurting broke his heart and ever since he had turned eighteen and had started to feel her he cared. He cared for her and he hated his mother for taking this away from him. Hated himself for not being strong enough to fight for his happiness. But he wasn’t that strong.

With a sigh, his hand rubbed over his chest where he could feel his heartbeat and started to focus on the connection to his soulmate.

She was calm. Maybe even asleep.

Jungkook didn’t know whether his second piece was even Korean, he had no idea about the time zone she was in, so all he could do was assume.

Thoughtful eyes rested on your relaxed face and Jungkook couldn’t stop the thought how he imagines his soulmate to be like you. The emotions he was used to feeling through the connection reminded him of your energy. And that made him feel even more guilty.

He couldn’t hold back the sigh and his heart felt heavy but he didn’t let himself linger with these thoughts in his mind. They were way too dangerous.

So carefully, not to wake you, he entangled himself from your body, fighting against the urge to cuddle back against you. But eventually he was able to climb off the bed and blinked against the blinding sun shining into your room. On the way to the bathroom he realized that his girlfriend hadn’t come home, and suddenly all the peaceful feelings disappeared while dread settled in his stomach. The tiles were cold under his bare feet and he could hear you turn in between the covers, but the knowledge of Yeonseo in another man’s bed had him in a chokehold.  This wasn’t an open relationship, even if they had agreed on not viewing this as permanent. Jungkook really did wonder how he could have such little respect for himself, but he had turned a blind eye to her random hook-ups for quite a while now, not wanting to risk losing her.

A dark chuckle escaped his lips as he bent down over the sink and splashed ice cold water on his face.

Suddenly he heard a loud gasp from the bedroom and he was about to smirk, expecting you to be awkward about his sleepover, but your scared exclamation of his name had him running down the hall into your bedroom.

“Noona?“, he asked and your wide eyes snapped up towards him. Your hand was placed on your heart and your breathing was uneven, brows furrowed and fear shining in your eyes.

Fear and confusion.

“Jungkook I-“

“What?“

You were scaring him and he moved towards your rigid form on the mattress, sitting down next to you and grasping your arm.

“I-I…I can’t-“, you whispered with tears swimming in your eyes and you shivered at the emptiness you felt in your heart. In your entire being.

“I can’t feel him, Jungkook.“

Jungkook felt his eyes widen and his words caught in his throat – because even he knew what that meant. But that wasn’t possible, right? It couldn’t be real.

“Are you sure? He isn’t just…sleeping?“

Jungkook could have sworn that he felt your pain in this very moment, the way your heart broke and deep pain filled your heart. He still was holding your arm and he could feel you tremble while he pulled you towards him, offering you comfort and a place to hide.

“No. No Gukie, I can’t feel him at all. His presence is gone.“

You felt your lips tremble and the first sob escaping before the tears fell freely.

“My soulmate is dead.“

Speaking out loud the truth, you broke down in Jungkook’s embrace. No longer able to handle the pain and the emptiness that had settled in your bones, you cried.

You cried.

And you cried.

Until no tears were left and Jungkook’s own tears had dried on his cheeks.

[binglesbanglesbabies]

Pcos, an ovarian mass and laparoscopic surgery Part 2, operation to 4 weeks after

Part 2

I wasn’t asked to do anything special pre-surgery to make the surgery any easier, except no eating/drinking after midnight.  I still went ahead and ate lightly the day before, tried to keep it to mostly liquids so that my bowels would be smaller and more out of the way, but again, it wasn’t necessary, just what I felt would be better.

The surgery: Jan 28th

I had read so many accounts I was horrified that the laparoscopic removal would fail and I would need to be cut open hip to hip. Of course they had to have someone there to drive you home, so I brought my mother and step-father.  The pre-surgery was the same for anything else, height and weight asked/checked.  They did an ekg to check my heart was ok for surgery, ran through the 100 odd questions of allergies, a urine test to make sure I wasn’t pregnant, pertinent medical info, yada, yada, placed an iv.  Asked me if I had stomach upset/acid reflux (I do/did) so they gave me some iv pepto (their words not mine lol). Surgeon came in to “pep talk” us through the procedure. Then the interminable wait to be wheeled in to surgery.  On the way, I was stopped at a nursing station for the anesthesiologist to give me a shot (he told me what it was for, I’m sorry, it’s a blur now). In the surgical suite they literally wrapped my upper torso up like a burrito.  They told me it was to keep me warm, but I can almost guarantee it was to keep me from twitching and messing with the machinery while they were messing around in my abdomen.  Anesthetic and a few deep breaths later I was being wheeled back into my room post-surgery.

Here things get SUPER foggy.  I don’t remember much but feeling rushed out of the hospital.  It probably took a LOT longer than I feel like it did, but I was literally falling asleep on myself the whole time, so big chunks of time are missing during this period.  I barely remember getting dressed, except I had to have my mother help me, because I couldn’t bend over to put my pants and shoes on. This is one of the first times I have EVER been super happy they had a wheelchair for me, because I never would have made it out otherwise.  They warned me I may bleed, because whenever you mess with the reproductive system, it tends to kick up a fuss.  There may also be pain in your upper arms and back if any gas is not removed.  I had none.  My obgyn said if this happens, try to lay on an incline with your feet elevated, head down, to move the gas away from the diaphragm, which causes the pain.  But again, I got lucky, I had none.  And yes, they did shave my abdomen, sorry guys whoever did it, blame the pcos for the hair!

What they do during this surgery is make a few small incisions in your abdomen (for me it was three), one in the upper end of my belly button, one on each side of my abdomen, several inches above the hip.  They blow air into your abdomen to expand it so they have room to move around and then use a machine with small arms and rods with cameras and surgical tools to operate inside of you so they don’t have to cut you open too far.  It’s much less invasive and patients heal faster.  In my case they also took samples of the fluid filling the mass before removal and tissue samples of the mass, ovary, etc to check for cancer (came back negative).  They also took a look at the left ovary, it’s pretty bad, I have the pics to prove it.

For the rest of the day after surgery I was in very little pain.  My stomach was extremely shrunken in from the compression caused by the air.  I’ve never been that skinny and probably won’t again lol.  The incisions were covered in surgical glue.  I slept off and on most of the day, trying to get over the anesthetic.  The next day is when the pain kicked in.  Woah buddy.  I was heavily bruising, the swelling began, I was incapable of bending, pulling/pushing, taking a deep breath, laughing, coughing, sneezing.  You’d be surprised how much you use your abdominal muscles, whew!  I did not have any bleeding until I was using the bathroom, twisted to get the toilet paper (bad mistake!) heard/felt a tiny pop internally and then woosh, it started.  It was scary/bad enough I almost called the obgyn, but the paperwork assured me bleeding was normal, and I wasn’t bleeding enough according to the paperwork to call, so I gave it a day, and it did get lighter and lighter over the next few days and stopped.

In addition to the pain from the actual surgery site(s) my uterus decided to go into panic mode and cramp like hell for about a week.  I have NEVER been more glad for narcotics.  I took those for about 2 weeks before going back to the motrin I had been on for kidney stone pain.

What I was NOT prepared for was the sudden smack-down by my emotions.  I swear my hormones were in crazy flux. By week 2 I was crying over stupid things, moody, angry, it took about a week for all of that to clear up, ugh.  Still don’t know if that was because of the ovary removal, or because of pcos. I went through everything from crying they wouldn’t take my left ovary, to crying that it was necessary to have the right removed (which logically I know is ridiculous, because I don’t want kids (re: hereditary fun stuff I’d rather not pass on, also being ace plays into that, but that’s another story for another time).  Also, having to sit and sleep in awkward positions was horrible.  Made my back ache.  Sitting up is murder after having an ovary removed because it causes groin pain.  Laying flat all the time causes your back to ache.  I found a semi-reclined position that I sat in for over two weeks that worked for me, but my best advice is: use pillows, get creative.

Also, constipation is a thing. Your bowels will need some time to decompress, laxatives help.

Expect weird random twinges of pain. It's caused supposedly by your nerves healing. It's a thing. It's ridiculous.

Here’s some SUPER IMPORTANT information.  GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO HEAL.

I was so expecting to jump up and get gong a few days after surgery.  The first week I mostly slept.  It took me at least 2 weeks to start feeling better.  3 weeks to feel almost normal.  Over 4 weeks now and I still have pain in my groin if I sit too long.  Turning/twisting still pulls in my right side and groin and surgery sites.  Bending is STILL hard, bending to pick something up: PLEASE be careful.  Still not attempting to pick up heavy stuff.  Squatting is a little easier, but not ideal.  I still find engaging my core (abdominal muscles) to push/pull/pick up heavy items is still a challenge, and will cause squeals of pain from my surgery sites.  My abdomen swelled quite large, especially around the incisions.  Conversely, where they removed the mass sunk in.  My stomach is only now starting to “deflate”, so slowly.  For a week after surgery, I didn’t eat much, then I was ravenously hungry for about 2 weeks.  Externally the glue started to fall off almost a week after surgery.  The incisions weren’t even healed yet, caused me to get quite worried, but at the post op visit with the obgyn, she assured me this was normal, and they’d close over time.  The did leak, and were filled with white granulomas (white blood cells) which looks like pus, but isn’t.  The middle one’s glue popped and bled, filling my belly button with blood, but the glue still hasn’t entirely broken loose on that one, though by week 2 the other surgical glue had fallen off.  Check with your surgeon if you’re worried, but again, this all seems normal at this point.   At 4 weeks , the incisions are still not entirely closed up.  I have been covering them with bandages to help keep out bacteria and minimize rubbing from clothing.

PAJAMA BOTTOMS ARE YOUR FRIEND.  Also elastic waistbands.  It took me over 3 weeks to even try on a pair of jeans, and they still have the tendency to rub right across those incisions and the button to poke the incision in my belly button: not fun.  Today was the first day I didn’t feel discomfort wearing jeans while standing, sitting on the other hand...

I was also not prepared for the general weakness.  Without engaging your core, your limb strength just does’t cut it, lol.

AGAIN GIVE YOURSELF TIME TO HEAL.

Walking helps.  Seriously.  Don’t do like I did and try the whole 30 mins thing 2 weeks out of surgery.  Try 10 mins at a stretch after a couple weeks.  Then, walk 2 10 minute stretches during the course of the day.  Then 3 10 minute stretches or increase the time in the other split portions. If you feel pain, stop, don’t push yourself because you want to get better all at once.  I’m still not 100% back to normal activity, and I read it can take up to 12 weeks to be to that stage.

Tips/tricks to prepare:

If you have pets/children: if you can afford it, make sure you have a supply on hand for at least 3-4 weeks of food, litter, whatever.  Anything heavy you may need to lift is going to be impossible, especially if you don’t have help.

Try to see if you can get someone to help you if possible.  Trying to walk your dog or clean litter boxes, or care for small children is going to be very difficult for a while.

Be prepared to not be able to lift very heavy things, push/pull open heavy doors.  My discharge paperwork said not to even lift a full gallon of milk/water, and trust me, for the first week or two, it just ain’t happenin’

Listen to your body.  It will tell you when to stop.

Buy some laxatives for post-surgery constipation.

Buy some pads/panty liners for post-surgery bleeding.

Get your laundry done before surgery, you’re not going to want to do it for a while.  Wash small loads after surgery, laundry is heavy, don’t strain yourself.

Rest.

Buy some meals you don’t have to cook (think something you can slap in the microwave or oven for a few minutes and be done, or sandwich material, cereals, etc.) Standing up and cooking is going to be difficult for a while.

Be prepared to have family members (especially the males), act like you should be over it in no time. Especially with “3 tiny cuts”.  They don’t understand that there’s a lot of complicated healing going on below the surface that can’t be seen, not that that’s any excuse for being an unsupportive douche.

Just don’t push yourself to be better all at once, even if family/friends insist you should be “over it by now”.  There’s a mini tornado of healing happening inside you, let it do what it needs to.

[honeycrisping]

okay okay okay. i have been in public schools, private schools, and schooled in multriple countries, so i hope i can give you some insight lol i was also homeschooled for a bit my first two years of high school, so ive talked to other homeschoolers abt this

firat of all, it definitely varies between countries, regions, and even towns. and different grades/levels have very different exor rations and vibes, too. most of my schooling experience has been in various regions in the united states, so that’s where i’ll be drawing from.

1. kind of. like @blush-and-books said, people can be popular for lots of different reasons in their own groups. there’s not usually a set clique of Popular Kids, it’s more like a shifting web of more well-known kids.

2. i'm sure plenty of kids have had breakdowns in class, but it’s not super common. i had a friend who once ran out of class because she had a panic attack, but bathrooms are the place i’ve overheard breakdowns or crying. and the workload depends on the class and teacher.

3. i’ve never been to a house party. i’ve heard of them happening, around halloween or just some other random time. since i’ve never been to one, i’m not sure how common alcohol or netflix original teen movie activities are

4. school food quality depends on school funds. this sounds obvious, ik, but i rarely brought lunch from home when i was in private school because the food was really good. public schools in the usa are insanely underfunded though, so now i just bring it from home. it usually doesn’t look very appetizing :/

5. lmao probably. i honestly witnessed more make out sessions in middle school than in high school. i think the wildest thing might’ve been a few fistfights in the hallways. oh! some kids threw salad at my lunch table once, so a friend of mine threw milk at him in the hall. they cussed each other out for a few minutes. that’s probably my wildest story

6. again, it depends on the school, but often they’ll do a rotating block schedule. so basically, you’ll have one set of classes one day, and a different set the next day, etc, then repeat. until the next semester, when you get all-new classes. there are multiple lunches for different groups of students, bc the cafeteria can’t hold the entire school all at once, and the lunch workers need time to restock and prepare more food. i personally have only fallen asleep in class once, accidentally, but it’s not uncommon to see people sleeping at their desk.

7. some teachers suck and make you hate their subject. some teachers are fantastic and care about their students. some might be really strict on deadlines and late work or other policies, and some might be more chill. so idk, it depends. i lucked out with having pretty laid back teachers this semester.

if you have more questions, ask! some of my answers were a little vague lol, but hope this helped :)

As someone who has never gone to school (been homeschooled all my life), I always wonder what school is like.

Here are a list of questions I wanna know

Are there the groups of popular kids, jocks, nerds etc.

Do kids have breakdowns in class cause of work (I would definitely)

Are parties like a thing? Does a kid have a huge mansion where they invite everyone to?

What’s the food like? Do you buy your own? Bring it to school in a paper bag? Is it good?

What’s the wildest thing that’s ever happened at your school? Do people really hook up/make out in storage cupboards?

What are school schedules like? Do you have to sit at a desk your entire day? How do you manage? Do you sleep in class? Do you cheat on your tests? How?

What about teachers? Are teachers pets a thing? Do you like your teachers?

I have so many questions and I never get good answers out of my school educated friends...

(Feel free to ask me homeschooling questions if wanted...)

[codywalzel]

The night starts with a big, spicy Philly cheese steak. It’s about 6pm. I’ve been wanting to try the cheese steak from this corny, 50’s retro place for a long time. I gobble down the big greasy bowl of meat, hot sauce, and cheese, then head to the coffee shop for my weekly draw group. A little after I get home, about 10pm, a stomach ache comes on. “Damn, guess spicy foods are out.” I’ve been getting stomach aches every time I have spicy Thai or hot wings. I google search about spice pain- possible stomach ulcer? “I guess I have been stressed lately, but no more than usual I don’t think…” File under “Will investigate further later.“ According to the comments on this health website, a glass of milk will help. Gulp one down, go to bed.

Wrestle to sleep for about an hour. Realize the ache is just over the required pain threshold to keep you from sleeping. Do some work on my comic, more tired, but stomach worse. Will play batman until I fall asleep. I feel like I’m just running in circles... How many times have I failed this mission? Batman, batman, stomach now hurts too bad to enjoy an active task like video games. Deliriously tired. Would be great to sleep through the rest of this abdominal temper tantrum. Try the old “hot shower will make you sleep” trick. Take some Pepto-Bismol, and some generic acetaminophen. Out of the shower, hurts to walk around now, and to lie down. Guess I’ll have to wait it out with my eyes open. Call and leave my Doc a message, maybe will get a spot in there tomorrow. Need to get that ulcer discovered... Time to enjoy a passive task like watching TV. Breaking Bad feels like the right mixture of funny and painful, just like me and my burning spice belly. Damn, I can’t even enjoy that part where during Hank’s interrogation of that meth head, Wendy, she accuses Hank of trying to buy sexual services from her on behalf of an underage “football player” (a misunderstanding involving Walter Jr. from a few episodes before). Oh hell. Time to look up what time emergency medical clinics open. Guess I’ll have to pay out of pocket since I can’t wait for my Doc tomorrow.  It’s about 4am now. Earliest clinic opens at 8. Now hungry again, but can’t eat what with all the pain. One hour down. Man, this is really starting to hurt. Can I really wait 3 more hours? Sitting is starting to hurt as much as lying and standing. And I’m still not enjoying TV. Okay, I’ve come to a decision….  “Hey, Kayla, my stomach still hurts, I’m thinking about driving to the ER, do you wanna come?” “Oh! Ya, sure. What time is it?” “It’s 5:30”. I  call the hospital “Hey, I’ve had a pretty bad stomach ache all night, I’m thinking of coming by.” Operator: *long pause* “Haha, well, okay! We’re open all night, so just come on in.”  Driving with a stomach ache is not so bad, because you’re already hunched over. Wish Kayla could drive, but she doesn’t really know how, probably would have a panic attack and would definitely crash. Interesting that they have ER parking, I wonder how many ER patients drive themselves here… All bodily positions hurt my insides now, signing in to this place sucks. Give Kayla half the paperwork to fill out, glad she’s here, or this would be really boring. Man, they sure take a long time for someone trying to get into an empty emergency room… Signing in with a nurse, she ask me my height and I say “ ‘5’’8”, but I notice she puts down “ ‘5’’7”... They want to look at my pee, they always want to see my pee. I pee, no blood, so whatever that tells them means I’m getting an ultrasound first. Then a young nurse named Ken, a cool Asian dude with screws through both ears, squirts so much morphine into my IV that I lean back and audibly say “oh my god.” I feel it ripple like a shock wave from my arm down to the ends of my body. My belly is feeling alright now.  The ultrasound technician tells me that babies are the least common thing she uses ultrasounds for. My joke has fallen flat. Back in the room, the doctor and his manila folder tell me “Good news! No gallstones, there are kidney stones inside your kidneys, but since they are inside, you shouldn’t be feeling the pain from those.” “Wait, does that mean I have to pee those stones out at some poin--” It is not discussed again. Seeing that neither organ has the appropriate stones, Doc would “rather not expose me to more radiation than necessary” and is working on discharging me. But, “I won’t leave here without a diagnosis.”  In I go to the CT scan tube. That hot squish of contrast dye spreading through my veins. “Okay, we’re moving you into a room upstairs.” Says a hippy technician. Upstairs in my sweet and swanky single with couch, a person I’m pretty sure is just a businessman disguised in medical scrubs types on a computer. He takes down my answers to what seem like pre-surgery questions. “Do you have anybody specific on file in the event you are medically unable to yield consent  for yourself?” This, combined fact that they won’t feed me, makes me wonder what it is I’m going into surgery for. I saw this same thing about a year and a half ago with the whole brain debacle, but that’s a story for another time. Several medical people dip in, sprinkle breadcrumbs of information; it’s like a game show challenge that combines a scavenger hunt with a jigsaw puzzle. You have to gather the pieces of information from their hiding places, then assemble them in the correct order to reveal an answer. A tech comes in and spoils the game, “You seem to have a lot of questions, so I just want to make sure, you know you have appendicitis right? We’re about to take it out.” “Thank god,” I think. “It’s not the spicy foods. Spicy foods are still in.” Downstairs, in pre-op, I complain to my plain-clothes surgeon about how analog tests like pressing on my stomach are remarkably inaccurate, since a doctor’s subjective interpretation of my poor description of say, “the pain is slightly higher” can rule out appendicitis, the same appendicitis that a machine might spot an hour later. I tell him that I almost got sent home. My surgeon tells me he’s been doing analogue tests for 30 years, and not to worry about it. I start to tell him how “my deadpan reaction to pain also causes a lot of people to misdiagnose me, that a lot of people laugh when I describe how I’m in pai--”, but he walks away in the middle to get dressed for surgery. The operating room has big TVs and lights, it looks like a set, and I consider the possibility of fake hospitals as the anesthesia takes the wheel. In the recovery area, the nurse tells me how big, inflamed appendixes can be agitated by spicy foods, foods high in fat, and dense foods like heavy cheese. I see an image of a spotlit cheese steak appear in a black void. Nurse feeds me ice chips and tells me she craves ice chips when she’s dehydrated. I suggest that she only craves ice chips because she works in a hospital, that ice chips are too unsatisfying a thing to crave at random, and that most people would just crave water. She agrees. Back upstairs in my room, it is now 8pm, and it has been 26 hours since I’ve eaten. I’ve been hydrated only through IV’s. The driest mouth and the clearest pee. Because the lingering anesthetic can cause nausea and vomiting, they will only give me jello. I go nuts on the jello. They continue to give me every jello I ask for, one at a time, like a test. Way past where I though the cutoff point would be, the nurse tells me “That’s it! There’s no more jello! You ate all the jello on this floor.” You’re damn right I did, you’re damn right….

[yoon-kooks]

Beginner’s Luck

Pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Summary: You were never a believer in online dating, but things weren’t exactly working out offline either. So what was it that you were missing?

Genre: Fluff, Gamer!AU

Word Count: 3.5k

Prompt: “Can I kiss you?” (request by anon)

You laid on your bed staring at your phone screen, mindlessly swiping left. Your best guy friend, Jungkook, had suggested you try out some dating apps since meeting people face-to-face was a bit difficult for a shy snowflake like yourself.

It had been a few hours since Jungkook had set up an account for you, but you had yet to find someone who really caught your eye. Not that looks were all that important to you anyway. If anything, you’d prefer not to see their face and just get to know their personality instead.

“You might as well deactivate your account if you have no intentions of swiping right,” Jungkook glanced over at you before turning back to his laptop screen, “Shit, I just died.”

“I just don’t get how meeting someone online could ever work,” you rolled over to see what your friend had “died” in. All you saw were a bunch of little anime characters running around attacking a giant fish that literally took up half the screen. “I haven’t seen this game before… Is it new?”

“Ya! It came out a few days ago and I’ve been hooked ever since!” The boy clicked something to revive his character and travelled back to where you assumed the giant fish was. “You should play too since I haven’t made too many friends yet!”

“What about Tae?” You tried to avoid getting yourself involved in Jungkook’s gaming addiction by name-dropping the other gamer in your friend group.

“Nah, I asked him but he’s too busy playing Overwatch,” Jungkook shrugged. “The boy’s an addict, I tell ya.” You rolled your eyes at the biggest addict you knew.

“Well what about the people you met in the game?”

“There’s this one guy, Jinnamon, who goes to the same school as us, and I actually met up with him the other day in person.” The boy cursed under his breath after dying again. “He’s a pretty cool dude, but he kept making weird dad jokes.”

“If that’s your only complaint, he can’t be that bad, right?”

“I suppose…” Jungkook finally just flipped his laptop over and rage-quit after dying for a third time. “I GIVE UP. Here, if you don’t wanna make your own account, just use mine because I’m 100% done with this shit. It’s a stupid game anyway.” You snickered at the boy’s childish temper because you knew he’d be back online after a few hours of boredom. But in the meantime, you decided to check out the game that had gotten him all fired up.

It wasn't just a fighting game, you learned. There were also little mini games and quests you could do with other people, and also places just for chatting. You walked around the town where most people gathered for a little while and then headed to where you thought the giant fish was. It took you about ten minutes to find it, but once you did, you started hitting random buttons on the keyboard to use all different types of magic on the fish. And before you knew it, the fish had been slayed so you picked up the fish bone that dropped. You didn’t understand why a veteran gamer like Jungkook had had such a hard time defeating the monster when it had been so easy for a newbie like yourself. But what were you supposed to do next??

“Hey Kookie?” You tapped the shoulder of the boy who had fallen asleep on your bed, but he was out. Probably because he had stayed up all night playing the game. Not wanting to interrupt his sleep, you decided to ask someone else.

You searched for some kind of messaging system within the game, and once you did, you realized you were only able to message people on your friend list. Since Jungkook had specifically mentioned that Jinnamon guy, you clicked on his name to start a chat.

Nochu: “um hi”

Jinnamon: “oh its u again”

Jinnamon: “i thought u left me lol”

Nochu: “no that was my friend ^^;; he didnt like your dad jokes lol”

Jinnamon: “wait ur friend? u mean jungkook? who r u then o.o?”

Nochu: “Y/N”

Jinnamon: “o im seokjin btw but just call me jin ok”

Nochu: “lol i understand your username now. thats cute😹”

Jinnamon: “rlly? most ppl hate my puns LIKE UR FRIEND”

Nochu: “wowow someones salty hehe”

Jinnamon: “im NOT”

Nochu: “you kinda are /:”

Jinnamon: “ANYWAY. why is a peasant like u speaking to me?”

Nochu: “peasant???”

Jinnamon: “obviously knights like me are superior to mages like u”

Nochu: “i dont really know what youre talking about but okay???”

Jinnamon: “wow what a noob”

Nochu: “gtg bye”

Jinnamon: “WAIT. im just kidding! rlly. what do u need?”

Nochu: “i killed a fish and idk what to do???”

Jinnamon: “lol what fish?”

Nochu: “the big one in the cave that takes up like half the screen? idk what its called”

Jinnamon: “wHAT”

Nochu: “???”

Jinnamon: “pics or it didnt happen”

Nochu: “what pics?? all i have is this fish bone item???”

Jinnamon: “tHATS THE QUEST ITEM OMFG U RLLY DID KILL IT WTF”

Nochu: “what do i do with it?????”

Jinnamon: “give it to me of course lol”

Nochu: “how do i do that?”

Jinnamon: “omg u rlly r a noob”

Nochu: “what?? ive never played this before!! how am i supposed to know??”

Jinnamon: “first of all the trading option is on the bottom right of the screen”

Jinnamon: “and second dont just give away ur quest items to strangers lol”

Jinnamon: “so now that we cleared that up, what r u gonna do with the fish bone?”

Nochu: “give it to u???”

Jinnamon: “omfg no… ur hopeless”

Jinnamon: “i guess i have no choice but to take u under my wing”

Jinnamon: “can we meet up?”

Nochu: “like in person??????”

Jinnamon: “ya its easier to explain this stuff in person”

You thought about it for a moment. Jungkook did say he met up with this Seokjin guy before and that he was a pretty cool dude from your university, so it was safe to assume he wasn’t a creeper at the very least.

Nochu: “okay lets meet in front of the school library in an hour?”

Jinnamon: “got it~ ill send u my number so we can text”

You logged out of the game and packed Jungkook’s laptop into your bag. Honestly, you were beyond nervous about meeting Seokjin in person. While you were fairly comfortable with keeping up a conversation with him in the game, you weren’t sure how things would go outside of that environment. But you reminded yourself that the two of you would have the game to talk about, so there was no reason to worry about any awkward silences.

You glanced at the mirror to check your outfit before scolding yourself for making it seem like a date. Just as you walked out of your apartment, you silently said bye to Jungkook who was still dead asleep.

It was a sunny day on campus, a nice change from the darkness in your room that Jungkook loved to play his games in. When you reached the library, you scanned the area for an empty bench to sit on as you waited. But thanks to your luck, all the benches were occupied with at least one person. Of course, there was still room for you to sit next to someone, but the thought of that gave you butterflies.

Just when you were about to take a seat on the brick wall instead, you noticed a lone boy sitting at one end of one of the longer benches. If you sat there, it probably wouldn’t be so bad since there would be a fair amount of space between you and the boy. So you approached the bench.

“Um, excuse me, is it okay if I sit here?” You stared at the boy who was significantly more attractive up close than from a distance. He definitely stood out with his broad shoulders and his more than handsome face with beautifully plump pink lips.

“Yeah, go ahead,” the boy nodded, “I’m just waiting for someone.”

“Oh, me too,” you smiled at his adorable choppy bangs before taking a seat at the opposite end of the bench. Who knew such a stunning boy existed at your school?

You checked the time on your phone and saw that you were about five minutes early. Rather than text Seokjin immediately, you decided to wait a bit so he wouldn’t feel rushed.

To kill time, your eyes began to wander. Your campus was known for its breathtaking scenery, but somehow all you wanted to look at was the choppy bangs boy. He was looking down at his phone, texting away. You wondered who he was waiting for. A date maybe? The only thing that snapped you out of your daze was the vibration of your phone.

2:02PM Seokjin “im here~”

2:03PM noob “me too lol”

2:04PM noob “wait where??”

2:05PM noob “i just realized i have no idea what you look like lmao”

2:06PM Seokjin “im sitting on one of the benches”

You noticed Choppy Bangs looking up from his phone and scanning the area.

2:07PM noob “uhh… youre not the guy sitting next to me right lol”

2:08PM noob “the guy with the choppy bangs?”

2:08PM Seokjin “…”

2:09PM noob “oh shit it IS you o.o”

“What do you mean ‘oh shit’??” Choppy Bangs turned to you and made some kind of a squeaky windshield wiper sound with his laugh. “And they’re not choppy bangs!”

“Sorry!” you giggled. “So you’re really Jin?? I didn’t expect you to look like that.” You were still in shock that you were the lucky person the handsome boy had been waiting for.

“Like what?” Seokjin raised an eyebrow at you. “I swear, Jungkook said the same exact thing when he saw me for the first time. Like, am I really that handsome?”

You just nodded, trying not to laugh. Maybe he came off a bit strong, but as a shy person yourself, you actually really envied how he embraced his good looks and spoke so comfortably around you. “Shall we go inside, then?”

The two of you made your way into the library and found an empty table next to the window. Rather than sit across from you, Seokjin took the seat right next to you. But it made sense since he needed to show you how to play the game properly.

“Was that really the first time you played this game?” Seokjin asked with big eyes as he brought out his laptop from his bag.

“Ya, I swear!” You took out Jungkook’s laptop and waited for the game to load. When you were presented with the log-in screen, you realized you made a grave mistake. You had no idea what Jungkook’s password was.

After logging into his own account, Seokjin stared at your confused expression for a second and picked up on your problem. All he did was make his squeaky laughing sounds.

With bright red cheeks, you called your friend and prayed that he would pick up to tell you his password. Otherwise, what was the point of meeting up with Seokjin? You’d feel terrible if you made him come all this way only for you to be locked out of Jungkook’s account.

But of course, Jungkook didn’t pick up. He was probably still fast asleep and wouldn’t wake up for who knows how long. So you sent him a text instead in hopes that he would get the message some time soon.

“He better reply quickly,” you groaned.

“Well, in the meantime,” Seokjin slid his laptop in front of you. “Show me how you killed the fish~”

“What? You still don’t believe me?” you smirked.

“Well considering you can’t even get past the log-in screen, no, I don’t believe you.”

“Okay you have a point hehe,” you smiled as you looked at Seokjin’s character, which also coincidentally had his same choppy bangs. You pressed a few buttons, but rather than magic attacks like Jungkook’s character, you were swinging a sword around. “Hey, this is different from Jungkook’s guy.”

“That’s because I’m a knight and he’s a mage!!” Seokjin shook his head at you. “Didn’t I explain this already?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know what the fuck knights and mages are!” you pouted, shoving the boy next to you.

“That’s because you’re a noob,” he teased, giving you a light shove back.

“At least I could kill the fish thing!” You moved Seokjin’s character back to the giant fish’s cave and waited for it to spawn.

“Hmm, we’ll see.” And with that, the giant fish appeared. You jumped around and swung your sword, but it was a lot more difficult to control a knight. Just when the fish’s health bar was lowered to the red, you fell victim to one of its attacks where it literally threw up water in your face. A tombstone dropped and Seokjin’s character became a ghost.

“Omg look! You died! You’re a ghost~” you giggled, pointing at Seokjin’s floating character.

“Listen, the fish was supposed to die, not me,” the boy chuckled at your innocence.

“Sorry I couldn’t get you the fish bone though…” You made duck lips and tilted your head in Seokjin’s direction.

“That’s alright,” he patted your head. “You’re not bad for a noob.”

“Stop calling me a noob! You’re the noob~” You grabbed his hand off your head and started pulling at his fingers. “What do you need the fish bone for anyway? Can you become rich and famous with it?”

“You just give it to some witch for a quest. It’s a pretty useless item actually,” he shrugged.

“What! I thought it was important!” you whined. “I thought I was really cool for defeating the fish!! You made me feel special!!”

“I mean, you were the first to kill it, so that’s pretty cool, right?” Seokjin swatted at your annoying hands that were still tugging on his so he could properly entwine his fingers with yours.

“I guess…” You were starting to feel a bit foolish for thinking you were some hotshot after killing some fish in a video game, but Seokjin was really making you feel extra special with the way he held your hand so gently. And you didn’t want it to end.

Buzz! You jumped at the sudden vibration in your pocket. Whoever sent that text better have had a really good reason for interrupting your moment.

3:34PM Kookie “my password is ilyjustin”

3:35PM Kookie “wait why do you need my password?”

3:36PM Kookie “wait where the fuck is my laptop?”

3:38PM Y/N “i have it lmao”

3:39PM Kookie “???”

3:39PM Kookie “dont break my baby”

3:40PM Kookie “oh god its too early in the morning for this shit”

3:41PM Kookie “good night”

You put your phone away, a little upset that Jungkook had ended up responding so quickly. Things had been going surprisingly well without Seokjin even teaching you how to play the game. You just felt good around the boy.

“I guess I can log into Jungkook’s account now…” You flipped the laptop screen up and began inputting the password, but Seokjin was quick to put a halt to your typing.

“Maybe we should take a break?” He got up and stretched before extending a hand out to you. “We can always play online later, right?”

You nodded and took his hand into your own before you had the chance to chicken out. “So where are we going?”

“Have any suggestions?” He swung your hand back and forth. You had to take a moment to think, but there actually was a place you had been dying to visit. And the only reason why you hadn’t gone there yet was because you had no one to go with. But now you did.

“The aquarium!” Your eyes sparkled. “I wanna see big fish!”

“Like the one you slaughtered and then got slaughtered by?” The windshield wiper laugh came out again. It was a sound you were growing really fond of.

“Yeah~ Can we go?” You looked up to Seokjin, who smiled back at you.

“Sure~”

-

“Oooh! Jin, look!!” You repeatedly tapped the boy’s shoulder until he turned to the flat, gliding creature you were pointing at in the tank. “It’s cute, right?”

“You think stingrays are cute?” he asked. “You have really weird taste, ya know that?”

“I like most fish, okay?” you pouted and crossed your arms like a child. “All of them excep-” You cut yourself off and took a step away from the tank when you saw a giant grey and white fish with rows and rows of dangerously sharp teeth staring right at you. “Except that.” You hid behind Seokjin and peeked out from his broad shoulders.

“Aww I thought you wanted to see big fish?” he teased.

“But not a shark!!” You clung to the back of his flannel, shaking as you kept an eye on the great white.

Suddenly, Seokjin’s large hand wrapped around yours as your heartbeat slowed and returned to its normal pace. It wasn’t hard to feel safe in his hands. “Let’s go look for other big fish, yeah?”

“Okay…” You were still pouty, but you really enjoyed holding his hand. It just felt so natural and right. And you appreciated how much Seokjin was trying to make sure you were comfortable.

The next room you walked into was darker than the rest. You stayed as close as you could to Seokjin in case any shark wanted to jump out at you, even though you were well aware that that was physically impossible.

Your eyes grew big and your mouth formed a big O when you looked at the glowing tank in the center of the room.

“You like jellyfish too?” The boy chuckled at the curiosity in your eyes.

You only nodded. The way the jellies flowed and glowed so effortlessly in the water felt unreal. Almost as unreal as the fact that you were genuinely falling for a boy you had just met online. And you needed a moment to let all your feelings sink in.

“Hey, Jin?”

“Yeah?”

“What did you think of me when I first talked to you online?”

“I thought you were a noob. And it turns out, you really are one.” He leaned his head on your shoulder. You elbowed his stomach. “But I also thought you were pretty cute and innocent. Turns out I was right about that too.”

“Really?” You looked up to the boy with your puppy eyes. “Because to be honest, I didn’t expect you to be cute at all~”

“What!”

“But I’ll admit I was wrong~” you giggled. “You’re super handsome and nice, and I really liked spending time with you, and-”

Seokjin cut you off with a warm embrace. Your whole body felt the heat radiating from the boy’s chest. He’d make an excellent snuggle buddy, your pure and innocent mind noted. “Today was fun,” he spoke into your ear.

“It was!” You gave the boy a huge smile as your eyes wandered right onto his plush pink lips. There was only one more thing that could make the day any better. “Can I kiss you~?”

The next moment, you felt his lips pressed up against yours. You had thought nothing would feel better than holding his hand, but the sensation of your lips locking with his was more than enough to solidify everything. You had found the one.

Just earlier that morning, you were swiping left on some dating app, doubtful that meeting someone online would ever result in a relationship or love. Four hours ago, you were fighting some stupid fish. Three hours ago, you were insulted by some boy calling you a noob. Two hours ago, you met that same boy in person. An hour ago, you accidentally turned his character into a ghost. And just now, you kissed him as if a spark had gone off somewhere in your heart. It was never that meeting someone face-to-face was difficult, or that online dating was a hoax. It was just that you hadn’t found the right boy until that very moment.

You just had one hope as your lips parted with his. When you left the aquarium, when you went back to playing that silly online game, or when you decided to quit the game because it was kind of boring, you only hoped your relationship with Seokjin would continue to bloom, both online and off.

“Hey! We never found the big fish!!” you cried, walking out of the darkness of the aquarium and into the brightness of the setting sun.

“Oh shit you’re right…” Seokjin stroked his imaginary beard. “Okay, here’s a question to make you feel better.”

You tilted your head with a confused look.

“Are we… o-fish-ally dating?” You weren’t sure if you were laughing because the joke was so terrible, because the windshield wiper laugh came out once more, or simply because you were with the boy you loved.

“I suppose we are,” you giggled, wrapping your arms tightly around Seokjin as he planted a kiss on your forehead. “And by the way, I was kind of waiting for you to drop a dad joke all day.”

“Sorry to keep you waiting!”

“It’s okay, let’s just go and fight the other big fish together~” You gave him one last peck on the cheek before heading home, hand in hand.

A/N: Shoutout to any og maplers who caught my pianus reference LMAO~