#like ive been trying so hard to stay positive and help the ppl around me in the ways that i can but i'm so tired | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

babysizedfics · 4 years ago

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I need to know about doctor mama lo taking care of a sick baby Virgil if you would like pretty please. I dont wanna ask on the in character blog cuz I feel like it would be weird to ask for details and lo seems kinda busy anyway lol.

hey tumblebee!! yeah yeah lets do this, Im gonna write it so that ppl who dont follow the other blog can understand too

WARNING IF U HAVENT ALREADY BLOCKED THE TAGS ILLNESS TW AND VOMIT TW THEY ARE VERY PREVALENT IN THIS

also this is a VERY long headcanon!!

so last night vee got ill, he had been regressed in the afternoon with patton and he was acting much more fussy than usual - not being entertained by his cartoons, not having the energy to play with his rattle, pretty much constantly whining and pouting and he gets very wriggly when he's fussy

patton assumed it was because vee had been upset earlier that day. at one point vee started gripping his stomach, and patton assumed its because he was hungry and could smell the food roman was cooking

but when dinner came around no matter how hard patton tried he couldnt get vee to eat a morsel - he kept turning his head away from the food and whining. at one point patton and logan both managed to convince him to eat a spoonful but his face crumpled with a wince and it looked almost painful for him to swallow it. it was at this point logan noticed he had a faint sheen of sweat on his forehead

things fell into place quickly after that - logan checked his temperature and it was indeed slightly higher than was healthy, they noticed vee's hands were trembling and he was constantly on the verge of tears :(

while patton cleared away dinner and excused roman who wanted to go and craft in his room, logan took vee to his bedroom and tried to check for more symptoms, since vee was non verbal and unresponsive totheir questions. he tested his tummy by pushing it a little to see if the pain got worse when he released it (this is a test for appendicitis) but there was no reaction thankfully except vee being upset by logan not cuddling him. he checked his throat for any redness or infection, nothing.

vee's crying became more pronounced and eventually he was in constant tears, occassionally pleading 'mama mama' through sniffles and hiccups and whines of pain :(( Patton brought him a baby bottle of cooled tea made with fresh mint leaves since that is supposed to help stomach pains. though he left the room again since logan thought it was best not to crowd virgil. Vee's crying had dissipated but he was strangely silent and seemed almost loopy now. he only drank a little of the tea before he pushed it away with a gag.

logan immediately took him to the bathroom knowing what was coming, and sure enough vee threw up into the toilet, crying between gags. logan dutifully managed to keep vee in his lap the whole time and held his hair and rubbed his back, telling him he was such a good boy the whole time

Thankfully it didnt last long as there wasnt much in vees stomach to be emptied. he was shivering and sweating and flushed and had lost all energy. he wasnt even crying anymore, just whimpering under his breath. with a bit of a struggle logan managed to show him how to rinse his mouth out with mouthwash - though he had to hold vee over the sink and pat his back to make sure he didnt swallow it

during all of this patton wasnt able to help because of his heightened empathy, if he sees someone throwing up the likeihood is he will too and that wiuldnt be very helpful! so instead he drives to the store to pick up some medicine and ice pops - and comes back with half the store including some actual baby medicine smh - ((im actually begging u to read that linked post i think its so funny))

it was originallly meant to be logans night to put roman to bed but understandably patton took on that task instead. after roman was drifting off patton pokes his head into vee's room. he had hoped to find lo and vee asleep but they werent. they were lying in the dark with an in the night garden audio story playing on a portable speaker and with vees salt lamp and star night light lighting up the room in a soft glow.

logan offered a strained little smile and nod to patton as he stroked vee's hair and cuddled him close. vee was completely out of it honestly. his body was wholly lax against his mama, his lips were in a permanent pout and his eyes were puffy and wet. he barely even acknowledged his papa coming in, his teary eyes just settled on him for a moment then dropped back to the bedsheets without a reaction. he kept lifting his thumb up to suck on it but logan kept capturing it and apologising as he brought it away. Vee shouldnt suck on his thumb and logan doesnt want to give him a paci while he's ill. understandably, baby vee was completely miserable.

patton asks if logan thinks vee could handle a popsicle or plain crackers at the moment but logan disagrees. he doesnt expect either of them to get much sleep so he will make sure vee eats something in a few hours. with a gentle kiss on vee's forehead patton goes off to bed, confident that logan will be able to look after vee and will come get him if theres any issues

logan and vee really dont sleep much at all. Vee drifts off for a few minutes at a time then gasps awake from vivid fever dreams. logan keeps ice cubes in a bowl by the bed for vee to suck on if he needs to cool down and wraps a couple in a flannel to press to vee's head when his fever rises in the middle of the night.

around 3am logan jolts awake and realises he had drifted off. and vee isnt anywhere in the room. he panics momentarily, bolting up from the bed and dashing to the closet to see if virgil is in there - which he tends to do when he is overwhelmed - but then he hears sniffling from the bathroom.

he finds vee, no longer regressed, curled up against the side of the bathtub with his bangs clinging to his sweaty head. vee is the palest person logan knows but he looks positively grey at the moment

'can i help in any way?' he asks, aware that he doesnt need to baby talk at the moment but still eager to look after this bundle of miserableness

virgil just groans under his breath and clutches his knees to his chest. 'i.. i didnt know what to do with the..' he gestures vaguely to something on the floor

logan notices virgil, being not regressed anymore, had obviously wrestled off the diaper he had been changed into the night before and not known how to dispose of it

'its ok, ive got it' logan wraps it up in a bag and puts it in the trash can they have in the room for just this purpose

'sorry.. m stupid' virgil croaks

'You're not stupid.' logan says firmly as he washes his hands 'You're ill and probably delirious from the fever. it's alright virgil'

theres quiet for a bit longer, virge's head pressed against the porcelain edge of the bathtub likely in an attempt to cool his fever. logan stays there with him for a while just waiting. then suddenly virgil starts sobbing and buries his face in his hands.

'sweetheart, tell me whats wrong please' logan hurries to kneel beside him, lifting his hands away from his face. that wouldnt help the fever

'i dont feel well' virgil cries pathetically, tears rolling down his face.

logans heart breaks 'no, you dont. i'm sorry little one, i know its not nice'

at the nickname virgils thumb raises to his lips again, which logan hurriedly intercepts. 'i'll make you a deal, okay? you're allowed to use a pacifier, but you have to use the same one everyday until you are better. we will need to sterilise it every night too.'

vee sniffles and nods, then chokes 'm not a baby right now though'

'that doesnt matter. you dont need to be regressed to want one of your pacis, vee'

vee is unresponsive and starts scratching at his pyjama pants. logan gets a feeling he isnt saying something. then he notices virgil's pout is much more infantile than his adult ones. 'are you feeling little, baby?'

with a harsh shake of his head vee starts crying again. he whispers 'dont wanna be a b...' then cuts himself off and whimpers

logan cards his fingers through virgils damp bangs. he knows what virgils mind has jumped to. 'were you going to say you dont want to be a baby?' he lifts virgils chin up to look at him 'or that you dont want to be a burden?'

virgils pale lip wobbles 'same fing'

'no sweetheart, no no no,' logan sits on the tiles beside vee and pulls him into his lap. virgil goes willingly. logan rocks his baby as he says 'youre always always allowed to be a baby and its never ever going to upset your family. even if you're an adorable wonderful brave baby boy alllll of the time' he scribbles his finger on virgils rosy cheek and delights at the tiny smile it earns him. 'but especially when you're feeling yucky. you feel a bit yucky today dont you, little one?'

vee nods with a pout

'but yknow whats not yucky? softies and pacis and diapers and lots and lots of cuddles with mama' he holds virgil tighter to prove his point. vee sighs and drops his head to nuzzle against his mama's neck. logan feels he still has a slight fever. 'i know what might help you feel less yucky. does my sweet baby want a sweet ice pop?'

thankfully vee nods against his shoulder and grips tight onto his pyjama shirt, preparing for when logan lifts him up

he first makes sure to change vee into another diaper and even decides that he should wear one of mama's t-shirts as a light dress so he doesnt get as overheated by his pyjamas. at this point vee actually giggles for the first time pretty much all day as he feels the tshirt swish lazily around his legs. logan makes a mental note to observe whether little vee might want to try wearing dresses if the feeling sparks this much joy (at this point logan is unaware that vee has secretly been trying skirts and dresses in his room for months, and roman found out a few weeks ago, but vee isnt ready to tell the cgs yet)

by the time vee is in his diaper and mamas tshirt dress and has a paci and jiji clutched to his chest he is a lot calmer and happier. he's still very ill and exhausted and teary, but theres a tiny smile on his face instead of a pout. in the kitchen he picks a strawberry ice pop and it goes down well, logan convinces him to have a cracker too though vee is in such a young headspace by then that he is just sucking on it, which logan supposes is fine too

by the (real) morning vee is still regressed and has managed to have a couple hours undisturbed sleep. its not much but its better than nothing. logan didnt fare much better. by then vee misses his papa and asks for him and logan hands the responsibility over to papa patton, trustinf the other caregiver enough to catch up on a quick power nap himself

but yes, the main thing is vee thought being ill was a burden enough that he shouldnt be regressed too, but logan makes him see that its okay. vee is regressed pretty much the whole time he is ill over the next few days because its stressful and painful and its a lot easier to feel comforted when ur a baby

yeah! gosh that was long, theres probably a billion spelling mistakes! feel free to ask follow up Qs if i missed anything u wanted to know abt this event

#little/big concepts #illness tw #vomit tw #food mention #long post #asks #tumblebee the smol bean

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seijch · 4 years ago

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ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

#did i have an announcement tag #announcement #also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted #my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee .#anyway um i hope everyones doing well #some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is #its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like 🧍‍♂️#and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd #im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence #consider this my comeback stage

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froggykinz · 4 years ago

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aa hello! apologies if you cant do this but-

could i pls have some positivity for me [Xingqiu]? im having a real hard time recently setting boundaries with family and some friends and i feel like i have to bend over backwards just to make them happy,, i really want to change this habit, honestly.

m also struggling with a sense of self, and cant tell if im really me or not at times :( its painful for me to see ppl saying they kin xingqiu bc i actually am him- or i think i am bc of my mental illness and i feel so guilty whenever im selfish or panicking when i see a kinnie

i just want to boldly establish who i am in the world, but ive been this way for so long that i cant think of me being any other way except in my daydreams

and i apologize if this is too long or too much to respond too, feel free to ignore this if im being too much or bothering you

Hello Xingqiu!!

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a hard time, reading what you’ve sent, I can see it’s really hurting you! You don’t deserve to go through any of this at all.

Boundaries can be hard to set, since we don’t want to seem mean, but I promise you that setting boundaries isn’t a mean thing, and you need them. It’s difficult to ask, but when you can, try and ask someone to stop doing something if it makes you uncomfortable. They’ll surely understand! And if they forget, it isn’t because they don’t care about your boundaries, it’s most likely because they genuinely just forgot! So if they do forget, just remind them again! They won’t be angry with you setting your boundaries, and if they are I don’t believe they are the best people to be around, if I have to be honest. You don’t need to make everyone happy, it’s impossible to actually! So try not to shoot for the impossible, and it’ll surely help you feel better!

Losing your sense of self is super rough! I don’t think your selfish at all for panicking or getting upset when you see someone kinning Xingqiu though. I think the best thing you can do is to try and stay away from people who kin Xingqiu, for your own comfort. I don’t know anything about how to separate yourself from Xingqiu, but maybe listing some differences between the two of you might help! It will show that you aren’t Xingqiu, that you are two different people. Yes, you might have some similarities, but you can still be your own person! I’d recommend researching ways to help your sense of self more, since I’m not a reliable source for this one!

I wish I could help you more, but I do wish you the best of luck!! I believe in you my dear, keep on going! <33

Mod Froggy - Snow White

#Anon #🐸 Request Finished! 🐸#Positivity

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kendrixtermina · 5 years ago

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Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

#enneagram #enneagram type 5 #feelings #enneagram 5w4 #5w4

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destrction-blog · 7 years ago

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◜ ––– PENELOPE MITCHELL / CISFEMALE / 25. meet alexis gondringer. they’re a bouncer at 7-0-8. they’ve lived in chicago for eighteen years. they’re known as the determinator, because she’s vivacious and flighty.

now here’s ALEXIS, ur local messy blonde. goes by lex or lexy, just tryna live her best life.

i. aesthetic.

she is the feeling you get when you step too close to a fire. messy blonde hair and tired eyes bearing a glimmer of mischief. contagious laughter and the feeling you have lying under the night sky. vodka mixed with something sweet. cut - off shorts and flirting with the risks in life. she’s a flame burning bright and hot ; maybe destined to burn out too soon.

pinterest boiiii.

character inspiration: lexi branson, hayes morrison, sara lance, margo roth spiegelman, christina yang, peyton sawyer, kat edison. a lil bit of heather davis and gina linetti.

ii. background.

so alexis grew up in a divorced family. it’s almost sitcom - worthy, how amicable the divorce has become. after her younger sister was born when lexy was five, zane gondringer and macey dutka's relationship went down the shitter. they stayed together for a couple years following her birth, even moving to chicago from the suburbs to see if it would help. but a year after the move, they finally divorced. it was a very dramatic affair, full of thrown hair dryers and “i never really loved you, you piece of shit”s and threats to take the children. they became known in the neighborhood for their theatrical fights, tbh. so safe to say it was a big ordeal when they divorced, and once it went through, the south side celebrated right alongside them in their newfound freedom from each other. the bars were really popping that night, 19 years ago. ( and still do on the anniversary of their divorce. it’s a good excuse to drink, really )

from there on out the gondringer girls spent their years bouncing back and forth between parents only semi - fit to raise children. their mother was a drunk and suffered from bpd that went untreated, eventually affecting her relationship with her children. though lexy and her mom had never been particularly close, alexis really sealed the deal when, at fourteen years old in front of a room of witnesses, she chose to live with her dad on a more permanent basis. sure, he wasn’t perfect --- with his fake hippie outlook and random disappearing acts to travel and penchance for gambling (honestly i imagine him being like the it’s always sunny in philadelphia crew where he scams ppl and generally is a Bad Person but anywhomst) --- but he was still the parent she was closest to. her sister continued the back and forth for five more years. and when she chose, she chose to stay with their mom.

years have passed and zane and macey still don’t particularly get along, but they do get lunch every week to talk about the girls. so pleasant. damn.

honestly her upbringing was full of shenanigans and dysfunctional family moments and illegal activity and her dad’s rotating door of girlfriends

one time he deadass dated an actual, literal hitwoman for the mob in chicago. lexy and zane are here for a good time not a long time!!!!

SO NOW AT 25 she’s working at the 7 - 0 - 8 as a bouncer. tiny n fighty. lives in an apartment with probably 2 - 3 other people so there’s a connection there somewhere. always having to help her dad out of some ridiculous situation. drives this rundown ass car but BET if she’s ever gonna give valerie up!!!!

there’s probably some things i’m missing here but that’s the gist of it y’all

iii. personality.

she’s so lively and outgoing!!! incredibly social. loves fun and adventures

a lil agressive, 300lbs of fight me in a 140lb body

doesn’t know how to properly deal with her emotions!!!!

has a tendency to run when things get too hard or serious, it’s what she does

flighty as all hell tbh

epitome of “do as i say not as i do” bc she gives great advice but bet she won’t follow any of it herself ever and don’t call her out on that bc she’ll ignore you

seems carefree, but is probably actually worrying about fifteen different things at any given moment

incredibly blunt, she’ll tell you what you need to hear vs what you wanT to hear

nosy, loves playing therapist bc SHE may be playing emotional whack a mole but that doesn’t mean every else should!!

loves taking risks, v daring, a tad reckless and impulsive. impetuous

any emotions other than positive ones? cancelled

sorta unreliable ?? sorta irresponsible ?? gets it from her parents. it’s subtle though, but enough that it causes problems

which is problematic bc she’s too self - reliant for that

SHE MEANS WELL OK SHE HAS A GOOD HEART

the kind of personality and smile you could pick out of a line - up

really is trying to be a better person tho

iv. fun shit.

wants nothing more than to spend her life traveling around the usa

really into photography and painting!!!! her hidden talents. she has her pictures and polaroids and half - finished paintings all over her apartment

ripped jeans and fishnets are the move

hates wearing bras, would sooner wear a bralette or nothing

mild bisexual, as in v selective abt the guys she’s attracted to and will sleep with, mostly prefers women

indulgent, likes the finer things in life like pretty women and cheap vodka

mastered the perfect winged eyeliner

dance dance revolution and mario kart champion

insomnia city

iv. connections.

roommates!!! girl gang!!!!

flings

friends pls

dynamic inspired by stefan and lexi, i love a legendary friendship

her SISTER

dealer

idk more to come eventually

#ag. ━━ RATTLE BONES WITH YOUR EARTHQUAKE HEARTBEAT ( character study. )#windyintro #OK THERE WE GO #THERE THEY BOTH ARE

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oakmd · 7 years ago

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Congratulations ! You received 1,000+ followers !

Continue? ▶YES ▷NO

Well, I can’t really express anything but amazement at such an accomplishment, and to be honest I’m pretty blown away that so many of you have stuck with me since the beginning of this blog, and that so many of you enjoy Professor Oak enough to stay. I’ll forever stand by the fact that this blog was the best 'joke’ I ever made, and probably one of the most fulfilling things I’ve actively kept at.

As much as I hope this blog has helped you find comfort and laughter, RPing Professor Oak has definitely changed me for the better, as well. It has given me an outlet to heal parts of myself and provide help to others, and also pushed me to practice positivity even when I know I get so low sometimes that I don’t even want to try. Another bonus is that I have met wonderful people here, most of you just strictly friends on the dash, but I’ve also gained relationships with people that have extended into discord and I’m sure it has made all the difference this past year and a half.

As usual, I’m not really a fan of long-winded gushes of emotion, so I’ll keep it short, but I would really like to have it be known that my love for Professor Oak has grown tremendously, in ways I would have never reached without taking the time to thoughtfully craft his backstory and work to develop him further. I know he’s a very nostalgic character that so many of us know and respect that I’m always very careful of how I choose to build on the image without ruining what’s already there. Out of all my many muses here, this one has seemingly ( and surprisingly ) all at once snuck its way as my primary blog; the blog I always look forward to logging into the most, where I enjoy following your activity whether it be IC or OOC, and just generally enjoy being in the presence of people so passionate about a fandom associated with my childhood. I love this little corner of a community that has welcomed me and engaged with me and unknowingly kept me going, and to look back at my experience and see that I’ve had no trouble at all makes me feel really lucky.

There will never be a way to fully and accurately express my thanks, but I will say it anyway: thank you so much, and I hope that no matter where you go, and no matter what you do, you are trying to be your best, and that you’re happy. Professor Oak will always be there to congratulate you when you reach your dreams.

IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER ( because my mind is so scattered - ) special shout outs to special people:

@timecapscle - wasn’t it you that said i’d one day get 1,000 followers? : ) you’ve literally supported me since the beginning and i just wanna say that i appreciate your enthusiasm for professor oak as much as i appreciate your enthusiasm for bill. its wonderful to see someone represent an otherwise under represented character and you do it well. i care for you so much, and wish nothing but good things for your future even if you want to do bad things in the name of science

@diligentseeker / @evolutionexpert - someone i consider a cherished friend, despite how sporadic our interaction seems, i appreciate all our random long talks on discord, and i’ll never forget our very first conversation. it meant a lot to me, and i want to thank you. i dont meet a lot of ppl that i feel ‘get’ me on some unspoken level, so when it happens, its a nice surprise. anyway i won’t ramble because i take it you’re not one for praise, but im glad people like you exist. with that being said please stop making professor elm stress me out.

@undinaes - the moment you’ve been waiting for. SIKE! just kidding; its no surprise that you’re always filling my dash with testimonials from people that see you for what you are. you’re a beam of sunshine with all the qualities to match; warm, bright, and a natural source of energy that brings people together. your passion for writing is astounding and even when ppl dont deserve your kindness, you’re unbiased in giving it out. truly a mom through and through. but most importantly, ur my girlie and im glad we met :v

@ofpalletown - in my mind, you are practically ash, and ill be here to support you even during all your moments of Extra™ ... but aside from that you’re very loyal to your friends and full of something sunny that i can’t describe. ur gonna be okay, kid. so pls stop stressing out ur dear prof oak

@03redd - i probably mentioned not long ago that your blog is really good, but ill say it again in case you weren’t listening. i love your blog? its very fun to follow, and i think you’re one of my favorite reds. even with me not being game verse, its so easy to just immerse myself in whatever nonsense you have red drag professor oak into. i dig your creative energy.

@normaliium - and ofc i cant leave out my cousin. the one to be admired, the ever-successful, brilliant human being that loves me even when i take off ten years of your life each night. my life would lack such substance without you, and i will never forget all you’ve done to help me when i would otherwise be left to myself. you make me really proud to know you, you really do, and everyone i ever talk to you about can attest to that. #YOLO

@bossgiovanni - you haven’t been active in forever, but you remain one of my friends and that’s all that matters. from skype to discord, im glad we could stick together even with our blatant differences in opinion. you are always so nice to me and say the kindest things, and i just wanna say thanks. hope youve been doing well! you are capable of so much, and i believe in you, so don’t forget that.

@agentmansley - can i jsut say thank you for staying true to your muse and throwing even the purest of characters into your mess? i have loved your blog long before i made professor oak, and you’re seriously one of the funnest people i’ve rp’d with here. everything i’ve written with you is refreshing and new, and never fails to make me laugh. thank you for your love for kent, and also for writing with me. i know you’ve been MIA for a while, but you’re definitely a memorable person.

@tcssaiga - i dont have a lot of cross-fandom interactions so when they happen im usually pleased. you’ve got great characterization, and have perfect dialogue. i never watched a whole lot of inuyasha but i’ve atched enough to know that you’re pretty close to canon. thanks for the interactions even if you’re mean to prof oak on archer ; (

@askgarymfoak - MY LITTLE ACORN!!!! the dedication you have for gary honestly gives me so much life, and i love rping with you on discord and just yelling about sam / gary hcs. its always a highlight of my day and i can tell you’ve thought about gary and his life long and hard, and its so cool to see someone interested in all that makes him the Headache we all recognize and love. please never stop sharing with me the personal hcs you have for the boy, i always want to hear them.

@futureheld - we don’t even rp with each other on this muse BUT youre one of my longest tumblr rp friends that i still talk to and you’re really important to me. we have history, we go back!!!! okay? #FRIENDSHIP n all that. but tbh id follow you on any muse because your writing is just great? id write any weird crossover with you because you have a talent for making it work seamlessly anyway. thanks 4 the memories, loser.

@seviiserver - CELIO!!! we dont talk as much as we used to, or rather, we talk in bursts every now and then but i consider you one of my good friends! not only are u really talented in all things artistic, but i love your writing and it’s always enjoyable to read, even if its not one of our threads together. you made me have so much adoration for celio and like all the other ppl ive met who bring life to underrated / under-rp’d muses, i enjoy seeing everything you pour into him... AND ALSO I LOVE OUR OAK / ROWAN INTERACTIONS? i love them so much it hurts okay. even if its just silliness in discord it brightens my day. anyway perhaps one day we will cross paths in this sleepless city and i will finally teach u how to ride a bike.

@rottenrhythms - i know i dont have much to say or comment with whenever you message me on discord, but i admire how much detail you put into your characters and meta. im always impressed with all the work and thought you put into your world-building; i wish i had that much drive. also, you’ve made a lot of improvement with yourself from the time i first started talking to you on skype. be proud of your progress, and keep working at it, it’s worth it in the long run!

@lack--two NATE youre definitely a very sweet person, and perhaps a little more devious ooc than i’d imagined you would be ( at least to me, why must you poke me for reactions? ; ( u wound me ) but you’re a soothing presence to be around and im glad you were finally able to make discord work. bonus points for letting me yell about yugioh all the time. never stop being wonderful. im here for you whenever you might need a listening ear, okay?

@loyalpika / @palletbloomer - #PRIKA!!! ever since i first followed you i remembered being blown away by your extensive headcanons on pikachu and i genuinely enjoy every blog you make! we dont talk OOC but from all your ooc posts you seem like a very caring older sister and thats nice to see; with you running around all the time, i hope you do get some rest every now and then! i hope our camaraderie never falters, take care friend!

@thepkmnnurse - i cant forget all the love and support both you and your muse have for professor oak, and im happy you try to spread positivity on the dash whenever you can! we don’t talk much OOC but from what i can tell you’re just as kind and nurturing as nurse joy herself. i hope you’ve been taking it easy wherever you are, and i hope your days are bright!

@rebelracket - will there ever be a day that i dont enjoy seeing your delinquent muse causing havoc on the dash? your creativity is wonderful to witness and i enjoy clarissa so much, thank you for interacting with a pure ol’ muse like mine. i hope we can continue to keep writing together, im excited at where we might end up. p.s. your art is delightful.

@porttownprince - you’re a gentle presence on my dash but im glad that youre here and that you’ve stuck around despite all the bad things that followed you. i hope you can overcome all the trauma you’ve been through. thank you for being kind with me!

@nikkouki - i know i dont say much but i enjoy your random check ins with me on discord, and i think youre a sweet young girl. you’re gonna go far in life, just make sure you keep going! continue being a precious kiddo and don’t forget to study your japanese ; (

@viciousvainglory & @midoriyamight - i cant think of one without the other so accept this double-tag lol. you’ve both supported this blog since the beginning and i wont forget how welcome you made me feel! no matter what blogs you’re on im glad we can still be friends! you deserve the big toblerone!

@fateandfury - my long time writing parter without knowing we were long time writing partners! the work you put into professor juniper is something to behold! we haven’t seemed to interact much despite rping professor muses, but that doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate your take on such a muse!

OTHER BLOGS TO BE ADMIRED ( also in no particular oder) : @sterlingsilverchampion @starmarkcd @pxgtails @satanstories @champofpallet @golden-oak @spriggaens @nurturen @florenselite @craniumaniac @ask-guzma @tenderpoison @gocatchem @faemoria @hikaup@writtenbykaichu @executiveariana @honoxtokage @simikami @bigcalavera @rotorotom @thehopcful @and-they-succeeded @metalprincess13 @keep-those-memories-away @hisvanity @attitxde @asmayflies @sesshcmaru @theagentlooker @ambcrly @kantocowboy @dauphindekalos @beareroftheblueorb @blastingxff @aquaelegance @bugeyesboutique @make-it-trouble @thunderstonereject @theagentlooker @soultattered @scvedbylove @diluviumx @inevitabilis-sors @pokedouche @fightiniumz @firespun

I’M SO SORRY IF I MISSED PEOPLE, THIS IS REALLY HARD FOR SOMEONE SO SCATTER-BRAINED AND MEMORY-FOGGED AS ME. EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT INCLUDED AND EVEN IF WE’RE NOT MUTUALS, I REALLY APPRECIATE YOUR SUPPORT OF THIS BLOG. WITHOUT ANY OF YOU I WOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN HERE.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A GIVEAWAY!!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

#congratulations hall of famers! ▸ [ PROMO. ]#this is too mcuh work im sorry if i missed anyone dnfkgh #also sorry if i started sounding repetetive but i dont say anything i dont mean #this was overwhelming but it was worth it!!!!#follower count for ts #wat a nice early bday gift :o #and around the same time as the anniversary pkmn game release

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wdfa · 8 years ago

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coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me!

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed.

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!!

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.

#trumpet hate #personal #wow this was..... so much..........#literally no one is gonna read this but it was mostly for me anyways so [shrug emoji]#caps /#negative /#self hate /#transphobia /#cissexism /#menstruation mention //#the experience #ask to tag

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survivormarmoreal · 6 years ago

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Episode #5: "his Kirby ass can shut the hell up” - Marie

Charlie being safe!? Yas. Good for me since he is part of my alliance.

An alice them challenge. Uh yass!! 🦑 i have the book so i can quickly look thru it and find people, items, food, and other stuff which is good for us. I dont want to go to tribal.

nicolegilmoreToday at 7:42 PM That was probably Kaleigh bc I would open messages and not answer them

that was about when we played before and she was part of a 3 person catfish. but funny enough it still applies to this game!!! love when she leaves me on read for 20 hours

So I feel good with my standing in this tribe tbh. I feel like I have made meaningful contributions to the tribe in challenges and have a good rapport with a few tribe members. Keaton and Marie might be the easiest too get out, even though I am aware that it makes me a threat but we been used to that feeling. Having the idol as extra security as well makes me feel good so eeeek. I just want too survive to merge and link up with new people and people who i know as well, and play off that. im super nervous but also excited, i just hope to god we win this immunity

At first I thought this Alice and wonderland challenge was going to be super fun an exciting. At first it was. Now its getting a little frustrating and annoying seeing Not Found (something along those lines). I'm hoping that our 28 items is higher than the other tribe's or at least being a tie. I want to avoid tribal still because still feeling sketch about this tribe.

Our search isnt doing too well. And nicole went missing and dont know she is. We have 28 items. Hopefully thats enough but i have a feeling in my stomach that it isnt and im scared. Dont want to go to tribal. Hope we win though. 🤞

if kirby does not tell me his great great great great grandmas waffle recipe hes done for. like why bring it up if ur not gonna share. ??? um we won immunity again and im so happy bc i dont want to go to tribal bc even tho there are MULTIPLE ppl i want out i dont want to risk it. stan list right now is dennis, naptime, matt, marie. everyone else? and matt and marie barely on there too... but um actually starting to like them and theyre more responsive now so love that! by the end of this game ill actually know things about alice in wonderland wooh!

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay so this sucks. We all really tried hard and we only lost by 2 points which is so frustrating. Not to mention that Nick and Charlie couldn't even find anything at all. And now we're in a really shitty spot because sending Nick home would be an easy out but he possibly has this legacy advantage thing which he can use tonight and if that means he's safe than idk what to do because I have a strong alliance with the other 4 people on my tribe. Which means now we have to come up with a plan to make sure Nick feels safe and he doesn't use his advantage but we still put the majority of votes on him. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Okay I'm laying it on thick with Nick. Really trying to play the middle and see where his head is at. I think honestly chances are Nick will make it through this round but I want to make sure after the vote he still trusts me but he does use his Legacy Advantage. Brian and I are walking a very thin line.

Yas. We won immunity again! 🦑 Still on of the 3 people not go to tribal yet which is pretty awesome. I’m now hoping that Charlie, Sharky, and Brian can find a way to survive again. Don’t want to lose any of them. Hopefully we merge soon. Its going to be down to 12 people after tomorrow’s tribal. Only ones to really talk to me on this tribe is Dennis, Bryce, Keaton and sometimes Matt. Havent talked to much to Marie. And Nicole ive tried but ignored. If anything it would be cool to blindside Nicole at first tribal in the merge.

I think im going to talk game to keaton today and see if we could work together. And im also going to see what Bryce thinks about us working together as well. Im just nervous if tonight we do merge at tribal, i dont want to be first boot. I want to make it far in this game.

I don't know if my last confessional went through, so I'll just send another one in hehe...

I do feel like Charlie is going home this round because of his idol play last round, but it could also be Nick going or him using his Legacy Advantage and all that being gone. I don't really know, but I want to make sure it ain't me and that's what's important.

As for other things... love Sharky, what a king. Love Nathan, another king... Annabelle's really cool, ya... I love Charlie but he's still probably gonna die... and ya kjHDA... that's all I have to say...

Scared for merge because L O fucking L... that's going to be a mess. It could be coming tonight, but I really do not know and I'm scared…

Keaton decides to call me inactive in the tribe chat but his Kirby ass can shut the hell up, he's just bitter I voted against him the first tribal and he's tryna put the target on my ass. Thank god we won the challenge because I don't know if I would've stayed. I have good relationships with Bryce Matt and Dennis but I don't know if that's enough to keep me.

So first off. Sorry for no video confessional. But not enough happened to bramble around and take 3 hours of my internet for uploading slow AF but here is a small summary of what happened to my game. Idolsearch: went to the tugley woods again. I guess you need a map to find your way through it, but what do i know D: Last tc: Charlie played his idol and mentioned publically that all of his old tribe knew about that idol anyways. What kind of made me a bit suspicious. Mainly because when he told me, he said that he really wants to work with me and thats why he is telling me this secret. I don't mind that the idol is gone, but if he told that everyone? mhm... I approached maynor to see if he knew and he said NO. so maybe I did a whoopsie? WHO KNOWS.

Eitherway. Anna announced a "live challenge" after this tribal (oh yeah we are safe again woo), but since we would be down to 12 I wouldn't be surprised if that "live challenge" is actually the merge announcement? If not. I think EVEN IF WE LOSE i should be in a decent position? Because Keaton couldn't keep his mouth shut and when it came to sitting someone out and called out Marie in the tribe chat. Bad move for him, good for me. Because even if we go to tribal unless someone really wants to target me for some reason it should be between those 2

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Okay so we've come up with a slightly complicated plan. Looks like I'm going to lose Charlie this round which makes me kind of sad because I really get on well with him. But it's what i have to do to get further in the game. We're going to split the vote so The Dinah Dudes vote fro Nick. The OG Absolem people vote Charlie. Anna tells Nick he needs to use his Legacy Advantage so we get rid of that from the game. I just hope I come out of this without hurting Charlie or pissing off Nick.

AJ just used an emoji that CHANGED. MY. LIFE. It's like praying and trying to stay calm and then fire happens and it says BOI! And if that isn't a fucking mood idk what is!

Y'all I am so bad at this idol hunt. I keep choosing locations that don't even have choices. Yikes. Everybody else has advantages and shit and I'm just sitting in an empty meadow.

I’m sad we lost i actually tried for this because I didn’t want a complicated tribal but bleh Idk how this will work but I think it will work out for the best potentially if it goes the way I’m hoping. I loved this comp though the hosts did a great job with it. It was actually fun

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With merge approaching I think that it’s important I remember I really don’t owe anything to the people on my tribe... they voted out Jayden and told me nothing and I think it’s time for some revenge.. all you people in the viewing lounge stay tuned... Ima show you why I’ve never not made a merge!

I’m not sure if it’s day 13, I’ve been safe every single round and I have absolutely no clue how I am doing that.....Dennis is my one and only ally. Hopefully it's merge time!

Honestly, I think I might be going home lol. Brian and Sharky are telling me Nick but no one else has messaged me. Severely regretting using my idol now lol.

Hope my bois have still got my back, even though I haven't been that helpful in challenges recently. I'm hoping it'll reduce my threat level for merge hehe

Ive been talking to Bryce and wants to work with me. This is great. So on this tribe i have Dennis and Bryce and perhaps even keaton. So just nervous for live challenge.

LAST MINUTE SCRAMBLING. Sounds like Nick is trying to flip the vote on Brian. he asked Nathan and Anna to flip off of Charlie. So Now Brian is worried (Which is totally fair) because he doesn't know if he can trust Anna. So even if Nathan/Brian/I stick to the plan, if she flips and Nick uses his advantage Brian goes home. So now he wants to flip his vote so worst case scenario it goes 2-2-2 and we can fix things on the revote. Ugh I hate scrambling. I prefer my tribals over easy.

Charlie is voted out 3-2.

#allmadhere #episode

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decadenttimetravelmentality-blog · 7 years ago

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Ok i have a hypothetical question...Say if my car is in my name, and i am under my parents insurance...And i get in a major accident are they liable? Are they at more risk if i am in their name but i own the car?""

Pls help me to find a cheap insurance in CAli?

Ive a dodge stratus that i bought in a rebate the title saids SALVAGE and I would like to quote something cheap with covarage to into tijuana or ensenada!! pls HELP!

350z insurance how much would it cost?

how much would it cost in Canada Ontario the car is a 350z coupe 90k Miles 2005 my age is 18

Can anybody Reccomend a good online insurance company for a Cagiva Mito 125?

I have been looking around for a low insurance rate for my Cagiva Mito 125 Motorbike, does any Mito owners know of a good insurer for that bike and how much did you pay?""

How much would my insurance be?

i will be 17 in oct and hoping to save up for a car (corsa, punto, 206) and i was just wondering how much my insurance would be?""

What would my insurance be for a kia forte koup 2010?

i'm an 18 years old male about to 19 in a few months,i live in New york and i'm really considering this kia,but i need someone to help me out on what my insurance would cost without having to go through all these insurance quote process,thanks""

How much would insurance be on a mistibishi lancer GT on my moms insurance? (16 yrs. old)?

We are thinking about purchasing a mistibishi but we fear the insurance would skyrocket as me being a new driver. Any help?

""Boyfriend totaled my car, i have a $500 collision deductable on my insurance?""

my boyfriend totalled my 17,000 car. the car was totally paid off and i have $500 deductable for collisions on my insurance,. he has liability on his insurance. does anyone knnow what will happen from here, since he was driving i dont know for sure what insurance covers and what i will have to pay""

Speeding tickets and Insurance rates (read details)?

I received one speeding ticket back in February 2010, I took a driving class for it so I would not receive points on my license and consequently my insurance provider would not be able to raise my rate. However, I've received two speeding tickets in the past week (both only 9 miles over the speed limit) :'( which would result in 6 points on my license. I live in Florida, and I have State Farm insurance. Does anyone have any idea at all what will/could happen to my insurance? :(""

What is the average car insurance rate for a 16 year old female in Arizona with standard coverage?

what would be the approximate monthly charge?

How can I get auto insurance in my name when the car is registered in someone else's name?

My mom currently has a loan on my car in her name in California. My car is registered in California, but because my husband is active duty military, we relocated to South Carolina. Is there a way I can obtain insurance in my name without being a registered owner?""

How do you find car insurance?

Ok heres the situatuion, Am 22 I dont drive yet and i dont have a clue what car i want! Am hoping to pass my test this summer and am willing to spend roughly 750-2000 on a car but i dont want to pay anymore then 500 a year on car insurance. The most irritating thing about this thing is the fact i dont know how i can get a rough quote without having to fill out loads of details etc. Is there any easy way of finding your first car? Am losing my patience really annoyed by the whole process. HELP ME!""

When will my motorcycle insurance lower?

i live in florida im going to start riding soon probly start out on a ninja 650r but i wana move up 2 a zx14 after a while(my dream bike) but the insurance is nuts on it like 800 a month now on the 14 the 650 is like 120 with amazing insurance and 250 deductables when will my insurance drop? does it go by age or experience?

Switch auto insurance from USAA to Nationwide?

If the policy quoted by Nationwide was ~35% cheaper than what USAA would give, for the exact same coverage, would you switch? Why or why not?

What are some names of some cheap 3rd party Auto Insurance companies in Texas?

Tittle say it all, best answer 5 stars""

What is the best health insurence to meet my needs?

Im starting out on my own 21 and need health care that's going to be affordable to me but be a good coverage. I have an eye syndrome called duane syndrome and I need surgery done. But I don't have the money up front. Im a janitor and don't know wat would be the best choice for me? My company is called GCA. But I hear there coverage isn't all that good.

What car insurance should I use?

I'm 17, I live in Texas, and my mom is making me get my own car insurance. which would be the best and cheapest for me?""

First time drivers auto insurance?

Ok so I'm 17 and I'm a first time driver can you please name some of the cheapest insurance for me. The most a 100/ month thanks I live in California

Is it true that I am paying taxes to directly to Allstate Insurance now?

Sure sounds like the Chief Justice said so.

""In North Carolina, do you have to already have insurance to get your license?""

I am going to try to get my license sometime this week but im not on the insurance, yet. I was wondering if you had to already be on it, or if you could take the test and if you pass, then get on the insurance. B/c we already have the papers ready for it but... yeah?""

I would like a rough idea of how much it will cost to insure my 17 year old son to learn then drive my car?

I have a peugeot 206 1.4 2005 plate car, it is the only car we own and I would like to put my son on the insurance. He will be 17 in Jan 2011 and we need to gage how much it will cost to have him as a named driver of my car""

Car insurance question?

So my car got scratched in a parking lot and I don't know who did it. I plan on filing a claim with my insurance company to get this fixed. My deductible is $500. My question is: What safeguards do insurance companies have in place to prevent me from changing my collision and comprehensive coverage to drop my deductible to $100, get my car fixed, then switch the coverage back to my normal rate?""

Health Insurance- Test Result Privacy?

I am curious as to how much information my insurance company (through an employer) has access to. For example, can they view the results of my blood tests done via Labcorp/Quest if they payed for them? Also, what about a test such as an EMG and Nerve Conduction study. Do they receive a copy of the final report? I know a copy is sent to my physician and that I personally have the right to a copy. But are results also sent to my insurance company? For what it's worth I have BCBS. Any input would be greatly appreciated.""

I'm 18 can my 18 year old friend take me to my driving test?

I just turned 18 and I'm about to take my driving test. Can my friend take me who is 18 and has her CA driver's license already? Also, if I'm borrowing her car, does my name need to be on the insurance? I live in southern California Thank you""

Cheapest insurance for young driver (UK)?

Whats the cheapest companys for somone who has just passed? one of my mates say co-ops deal for young drivers, another one of my mates says a guy at college says you can get insured with the farmers union even if your not a farmer and get it cheap, is this true? also, any other companies?""

How much have you paid for classic car insurance?

I have just bought merc e220 1993 and looking for cheap policy. Im over 30 female and got a wicked quote for fully comp with a named driver for 180. What have you paid?

Liability insurance on a leased car?

If I lease a car or buy it on credit (a 2004 convertible mustang eg.) can I just buy cheap liability insurance? Please explain, I'm new to this and I need a car asap :/ please and thnx!!!""

Is there a State Farm insurance branch in Texas?

State auto insurance vs. state of registration?

I am currently working a temporary job away from home in another state not my permanent residence (I am living there for the term of the employment). While there I bought another vehicle and registered it in that state and when insuring it moved my other car to the policy not realizing this could cause a problem. Now on my first vehicle, which was registered in my home state, the home state has refused to renew the registration because it carries out of state insurance. However, I also don't own the first vehicle, it is owned by my parents who are a resident of my home state, I just use it and pay the insurance. So unless I am missing anything, It looks like I am basically going to be forced to register that vehicle in a state where I do not have residence or cancel my insurance policy and get insurance for only that vehicle through a provider in my home state. Is this it or are there other options? I'm confused because they let me renew last year even though I had the out of state insurance, but I had switched during that year so maybe they considered me part-time or something. I would like to avoid changing any state registrations for the time being, because this process is expensive and complicated between the two states in question. Someone told me the cheapest option might be to get a minimum liability policy on the car in my home state so they will give me registration, but I have never heard of that and I'm not sure if that is ok (having two insurance policies on the same vehicle)? I am not trying to play tricks or loophole anything here, I just want to figure out my options and get this done without costing me a lot of money or time.""

Short term car insurance for driving abroad???? (in france)?

I am 19 years old and heading to france for the day, the yearly car insurance I already have does not cover me abroad, so I need to get insurance for the day. I have looked online but most companies only insure people who are 23 years old+""

How is mandated health insurance a stepping stone for universal health care?

Doesn't it just make the HMO's/insurance companies more powerful (which will make them more influential)? Won't it just be like mandated car insurance--but much more expensive?

Car insurance rate 2 driver 2 car under one policy?

I am 25 yrs old and my mom is 40 yrs old. Been shopping around for insurance and found out it is cheaper to put 2 drive and 2 cars under one policy. Is there any pros and cons in doing this? Could doing this affect me later on if i want to be under my own policy ?

""If i have full coverage for car insurance that covers theft, how much should i get?""

esurance if it helps, do i get what i paid for the car when it was new or the bluebook value""

What's the best deals on auto insurance?

Insurance then car?

I'm confused, I want to know what would be the best car to get cheap insurance on it. I'm a 20yr old employed woman. I don't care what car I get (I know, it's tragic) as long as it gets me the chepeast insurance. Which car should I buy? (I have a budget of 2000 ish)""

""I been in a car accident with no car insurance, so I want to know how much should I pay the person who's suing?""

I was in a car accident with no insurance and they claim I owed over $6,000. I end up talking it down to $3,000 even. I wanted to know did I over paid or was that a fair amount. The person had whiplash and received treatment and the car was damage at the rear end.""

Is minimum coverage car insurance the same as an SR22?

In Tennessee, is minimum coverage car insurance the same as an SR22? I already have minimum coverage but am now required to get an SR22. Is this something that needs to be added on or will minimum coverage suffice? Thanks.""

How do online insurance quotes know the cars I own?

How do online insurance quotes (via Progressive, State Farm, etc.) know what cars I own based only on my name, address, and birth date? What kind of database houses this information?""

How much is motorcycle insurance for a 19 year old male?

i bought a motorcycle it is a 2006 cf moto v3 now how much is the insurance going to be a month? im new to riding

Switch auto insurance from USAA to Nationwide?

If the policy quoted by Nationwide was ~35% cheaper than what USAA would give, for the exact same coverage, would you switch? Why or why not?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/car-towing-service-affect-my-future-insurance-quote-daniel-ruiz/"

0 notes

survivormoheli · 7 years ago

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Tribal Council #5 - One World

Welcome, everyone, to our one world tribal council where only the Ouani tribe can be voted out.

Eric, Blake, and Elliot, as this is your first tribal council, please dip your torches.

AnnMarie, how important is trust in a tribal council this big? Do you trust anyone who comes to you, or are you skeptical of everyone?

I'm open to all discussions with everybody in a tribal so large. Trust is important, but easy to maintain. To me, you are innocent until proven guilty, and unless you have lied to me, I'm open to any idea you may have. No plan is good or bad, and nobody is truly good and evil in a game like this.

Blake, you had the worst score in the challenge. Do you think this will ultimately put a target on your back? Do you think the strategy is past ‘keep the tribe strong’?

Ultimately I hope my GOD awful score doesn't put a target on my back... but hey who knows they may be thinking about the merge and be like well that kid wont be any competition for individual immunity so lets keep him around. The strategy about keeping the tribe strong I don't know if that is so relevant now bc so many people have formed relationships. But if my tribe still wants a strong team then I may be on the chopping block...

Bryan, how confident are you in the game post-one world? Do you think your position on your new tribe will be solid after all of this round’s drama?

Dani, after getting a strike in the challenge, do you think you’ll be targeted? How do you assure your fellow players that you’ll be active enough to take part in their plans?

Oh Jay... ENOUGH! Enough is ENOUGH IVE HAD IT! I feel like I’m taking CRAZY pills every time you ask me a god forsaken question... anyways. To answer your question. First of all, I didn’t understand the challenge and had no desire to understand it. Second of all, I had to volunteer all day today so I was just not for it. In other words, Yes. I AM ACTIVE ENOUGH.

Elliot, how has the tribe swap influenced game dynamics? Do you feel more solid with your new tribe or with the old? How do you think the game will have changed after this one world tribal?

The tribe swap has definitely changed the game- you get comfortable and then the tribes all swap around. While there are people I trust on both my tribe, and people I don't, for me this vote comes down to who I think has been the most genuine with me, and while that might alienate me from some people that's a risk I'm going to have to take.

Eric, congratulations on attending your first tribal council this late in the game! How do you sus out where the vote is since you don’t have prior experience with tribals? How do you maximize this opportunity to send the right person home?

Thanks for the warm welcome! haha It's kind of exciting to finally be at a tribal council, especially one where I'm immune. I guess it's important to take the time to chat with others, see how they all feel and take the time to understand what's truly going on. This is a very unique opportunity since everybody on the game is here to vote and it can create a unique voting trend.

Andreas, how much do you think old tribal lines and old alliances will influence this vote?

This vote is all about old tribal lines and old alliances. So I think, this will influence the vote for 100%.

JG, there’s no way for a majority alliance to have existed since tribes are currently smaller than the number needed for a majority, so how do votes get determined in a one world tribal? Is there a cohesive voting block, or will it be a heavily split vote?

Honestly, we won't know until tribal. There are so many strong players who want to still be here the next round and with so few people to be voted its gonna make for a interesting tribal .... I also think this has the potential to shake up any pre-existing shiz. .... oh and hi lynn

Lynn, after the drama between you and JG last round, do you think that animosity will come to a head as you’re one of the people who could potentially be eliminated?

Um the animosity is most definitely coming to a head. I mean even now everyone can obviously see JG doesn’t know how to keep my name from out of his messages to the gc so far. there’s no way you can stop people from believing what they want and JG is obviously coming after me so we’ll see what happens.

Phoenix, what do you think of Tara’s decision to make one world happen?

I mean, I know she was in a rush and people wanted it to happen, so it happened. I don't blame her or anything haha

Raffy, as the numbers dwindle down, how do you set yourself up to be in a good position for the merge?

You be social and hope to god people are being truthful. I want to trust people, but this is Survivor. Trust only goes as far as the things backing up that trust. When people vote together, you trust them. However, things can shift dramatically within the span of one tribal. I don't know how to set myself up for merge, but I pray to god that I am doing all that I can

Richie, my question to you is as simple as it is classic: what will you be basing your vote on tonight?

what will i be basing my vote on tonight???? well i'm safe and so is everyone on our tribe so my stake in this vote is hopefully going to make a proactive move that will help make the next vote i'm not safe at a little bit more manageable?????????

Tara, let us in on the logic behind putting the one world tribal in place. Do you think this will help you seem MORE or LESS trustworthy long term?

umm i honestly was just like walking down a rly busy corridor and i was stressing bcos i had to answer quick bcos i had already kept ppl waiting like 20 minutes so i asked in the tribe chat what ppl wanted n ya here we are. umm i honestly don't know what ppl will think of this! i hope they take the time to make new friends and have fun and not stress too much.

Tim, on a scale of 1-10, how rat-like/snake-like is this game? Do you feel you’re playing with trustworthy people, or are you constantly watching your back?

On a scale of one to 10 I'd have to rate the game as of now as a 6. There ARE snakes somewhere because they are inevitable. However, there are different types. You have your garden snake, small and sneaky but common and mostly harmless when they bite. Your Phythons, the big bad snakes who think they're running the show but their fangs hold no venom. They are only deadly one you've came within their ever so "trusting" grip, but from a distance, they are spottable if you know what you are looking for. Finally you have your Black Mambas. NOW these snakes... are deadly asf. You may not even see them coming but once they bite your life in the game is up. I'd advise that you stay as far away as possible from this breed but their camoflage leaves you unable to know who or where they are.

I feel as though everyone is trustworthy but the extent at which they are varies depending on the context of the situation as well as your previous trust.

I’ll read the votes.

First Vote: Bryan

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Second Vote: Blake

you did not speak to me. you tried to do something way beyond your ability. you were messy. good bye.

Third Vote: Bryan:

Under his eye

Fourth Vote: Blake

That’s two votes Bryan, two votes Blake, 10 votes left.

Fifth Vote: Bryan

Out! OUT! GET OUT!

Sixth Vote: Blake

sorry I have to stick to my guns ....

That’s three votes Bryan, three votes Blake, 8 votes left.

Seventh Vote: Bryan

in tears uh, hey everyone… karma got its kiss for me! puckers lips uh i cant go to JONATHAN’S right now because i got a…. a ticket because apparently you’resupposedtopulloverforanemergencyvehicle and i didn’t know laughs listen, my life is extremely going downhill cause im getting acne, and im getting fat and im blading right here if you cant see the whole triangle there like a piece of hair, im balding IM BALDING i’m turning ugly and my face is going to be fat for the rest of the day and i cant even SHOWER BEFORE WORK because im not going to be home on time! and that fat ass indiana cries the fat ass indiana cop…. gave me a ticket…. and he’s like “do you know about this law?” i didn’t so i said “no”… because i didnt talking through tears and it’s so much money and i only have FOURTY SEVEN DOLLARS and im not even supposed to go under fifty and im going to get fined by my bank

try not to hold-

SHUT UUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!! im going to get fined by my bank for having under fifty dollars ♫ and i already owe my parents four hundred something dollars and i owe my friend’s mom eighty and i cant get a job now but everything’s fine cough and im oKAY and my parents are really mad at me and my life is going downhiiiill ♫ so if anyone wants to be like a nice person laughs through tears and give me money to pay for this fucking ticket because i dont have it inhales i’mgoingtoleavemypaypal link but like winks thats me winking BUT MY EYES ARE TOO SWOLLEN TO WINK cries and i called to see if i could serve jail time instead of paying but no one answered so i left a voicemail asking if it were an option for me to serve jail time instead of paying inhales you’re going to get arrested for that they’re going to be like this dumbest bitch then they’re going to arrest you crying isn’t that the point that’s what he wants and my friends are laughing while i’m having an emotional breakdown crying SHOW ME SUPPOOOOOOORT crying laughing screams into pillow

Eighth Vote: Bryan

it's hard to not take an opportunity like this to vote out a very strong and experienced player. I wish you the best!

Ninth Vote: Bryan

It sucks that you have to go home but sometimes it be like that

Tenth vote, and the next person voted out of Survivor Athena Moheli: Bryan

Lol sorry bud

The remaining votes were also for Bryan.

Eleventh Vote: Bryan

You're a really nice dude, it just has to be done

Twelfth Vote: Bryan

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thirteenth Vote: Bryan

Fourteenth vote:

Bryan, you will have a few moments to send any last words before everyone is removed from this chat.

0 notes

custardtoast · 7 years ago

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hmm small (edit: really lengthy) rant about my life rn

I just had a week off school and it was a much needed break... I did volunteer for 3/5 of the days so it wasn’t a crazy break, since I still had quite a bit of stress about those 3 days

I am currently in that typical position of “I didn’t do anything productive pertaining to school work all week so now I feel guilty and I should stay up and get something done” but at the same time... I feel like I always beat myself up so much when I know that I was quite busy with other things, and school work isn’t always the only priority. Granted, I did watch a kdrama lol and didn’t sleep until 2-4 am on most days, while waking up close to noon.... but I feel like I needed that. I just hate how i can never fully relax but I also can’t bring myself to work... but that is the ultimate student dilemma. I wish I had better self-control and organizational skills to balance everything

On a related note, I’ve been thinking rly hard about what I want to do after I graduate from uni... I was thinking about applying to a summer internship for half of the summer, but I need a reference letter and the deadline is this week, so I feel like its sort of inappropriate to ask any of my profs at this point... I also was thinking about just bumming around for the entire summer and being productive in other areas of my life ... like I’ve been thinkin about starting a youtube channel (lol me and everyone else in this internet world) bc I’ve just been so inspired by all these amazing ppl who show their struggles to everyone and at the end of the day they’re all beautiful ppl... I really like the idea of sharing my life w all these internet friends bc frankly, I don’t really share my life with anyone irl (i know that sounds super sad but it’s true... i dont feel like im close w anyone anymore and once i graduate from uni i feel like i’m gonna be cut off from everyone I currently talk to and I feel like no one would rly make the effort to talk to me otherwise)

so idk i kinda wanted to start a vlog/lifestyle channel so I could just chat to the camera, since i rly do have a lot of thoughts i’d like to share, but i’m just too scared to share them with anyone i actually know irl. it feels easier to just talk it out to no one in particular like a diary, but then have ppl (hopefully) care about it. but at the same time there are TONS of lifestyle channels out there and i dont think i have a particular “tv personality”?

also filming those kinda videos have nothing to do w my university degree and idk i feel like.... it’s important to be well-rounded but i don’t want my degree to be for nothing, so i also have to think about what i want to do as my future career. which is really tough because... i’m in the sciences, i currently do clinical research in a lab, and it’s okay... i love the learning aspect but i’m not a fan of the actual scientific research process. i can’t really explain why but you’re just... studying something so small for so so so long and it’s hard to feel like you’re making any progress. but i suppose the beauty of the field is if/when you actually make progress and a contribution. i’m also scared about the whole competition in the field and constantly keeping yourself afloat with grants, idk if i want to dedicate my life to that. and to be honest i dont think im smart enough or that much of a critical thinker to become a researcher and get a phd, although i would really love to be a university professor (too bad u have to have a phd loool)

some other options are going to med school, optometry school, becoming a dietician or a physician’s assistant... med school is the scary one bc i always think about.... why would i want to be a doctor over another medical professional? do i actually have the qualities to be a good doctor, or am i just doing it bc of the image or the pressure? do i actually enjoy working with patients?? ofc those questions apply to the other options as well but... im always doubting myself and i feel like that quality alone is not very ideal for being a doctor. i would feel more comfortable being an optometrist, dietician, or physician’s assistant bc it feels like... even if you mess up there are still other people to back you up, whereas with a doctor, you are the one running the game. which is super important and impressive, but i just don’t know if i could handle with the stress and if i have the capabilities to make unwavering decisions. just cuz i know im so indecisive.... man. i got rejected from med school which is why im rethinking all of this. i might go to grad school next year, either in nutrition or continuing in physiology. i really like topics in nutrition and a masters in nutrition is only a year long, but i would have to find a new supervisor and im not a super huge fan of research (like i’ve said before)... but it seems better than a 2 year masters in physiology. i could stick with my current physiology supervisor, but that also means im stuck studying the same thing as i am now for 2 years. and idk if i love it that much.... agh... i dont know......... i wish someone could tell me what’s the best path... but i know no one can... and i know that no one is gonna read this huuuuuge text.... im just rambling at this point bc i have no one i feel comfortable personally messaging all of this to

being indecisive.... leads me to my next point. which is strange, but i really want to get a tattoo after i graduate. ive been thinking about what to get, and ofc, due to my indecisive nature, i can never really decide, but i think... i kinda know what i want? i just need to think of a good placement for it bc i dont want it to be visible in my every day life, just due to the judgemental nature of the field that im in right now and possibly will be in the future (eg. if i work in the medical field, i will most definitely be judged if i have visible tattoos, maybe less by the younger demographic but by the older ones for sure, and that can affect the whole patient-doctor interaction, or even interaction with mentors?) so if u have any tattoos, i’d love to know what you have (if you’re comfortable w sharing) and why, so it helps me justify getting my own lol (even though that doesnt rly make sense.. i should just get it if i want it, but im still debating)

guhhhh my brain has run out of juice and i should go to bed, im really trying to not sleep at 2 am today. i wish i could fall asleep faster. im not gonna give myself heck for not getting anything done during reading week, or tonight, cuz i know i’ve been going through some rough mental patches, but i hope if i sleep earlier, wake up a bit earlier, take back more control of my life, i can be more productive and less stressed. pls wish me luck.

i rly want... to make meaningful connections and impacts in this world.

#a #in case ya dont wanna read it all #im just basically lost at sea lol #feelin the same kinda loss for a long time now

0 notes

survivekohsai · 7 years ago

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Episode 5 - I Just Want To Go Chill On The Beach With My Friends ~ Quillynn

THIS TRIBE IS FUCKING UGLY OH MY GOD IM GONNA SCREAM. *screams* dana Im going to kill you and yes I blame dana for everything. Anyone, putting me on a tribe IN THE MINORITY and on a tribe with ryan of all people... well might as well just dig my grave now. Like rest in peace regan. May 28th, 1998- October 2nd 2017 rip

I'm glad this is happening. We have the comp beasts besides Regan on our side, AND we also have Akito. So it's tit for tat. Hopefully we can have some Yala tribe alliance going. However, I like Jackson. He's seems really nice. Also Jordan can go because he hates us all so bye. And why did Ry block Akito? I now love that they mutinied.

wow i mutiny'd, blocked this whole tribe, didn't use my idol and still stayed during tribal. lol

So I talked big during the voting confessionals. AND GUESS WHO JOINS!!! Bryce... AINT THAT NICE but tbh i talk big yet i cant help myself but now I have to lie about certain people because i need to build trust and relationships.

I swear to god if they send Jordan Means to Exile im quitting because people should want him gone ASAP!!!! He's a target in everyone's radar and if he makes it to the end like god almighty it's like Drew All over again.

*clap* I hope we win!

Okay havent done one of these since the swap but here goes. I am not happy with this swap because even tho i have raf as an ally im not really liking not being with richie and regan seeing as how they actually do well in challenges. Luckily the other tribe still has a bunch of inactives but regan and richie have shown in the past that they can solo carry a chalenge so im worried. Especially since trixie wanted to go to exile and then wouldnt let us send regan. i was away at the time and it sucks because i really think we should have sent regan or richie so they couldnt compete instead of quinlynn who idk if they are really playing. Luckily the challenge is something im not bad at so maybe I'll do well. Plus we did win reward by a landslide so maybe the other tribe will bring regan and richie down. speaking of the reward i think some people like erased their names last minute which is sus but w/e!! We still won. But im looking to make something with jackson and raf because i like them both and maybe rtp but i feel like raf and him wont work together idk?

Im going to miss kelsey and linus but fuck regan and jordan lol! I don’t even care game wise i just want to go chill on the beach with my friends~

The curse is broken!!!! Final 13 and possible Merge is coming!!

Hi I'm Jackson and this is my fifth confessional.

I'm not going to to tribal!! Thanks to a tribe swap that basically gutted old Rayong (leaving only me and Akito left), new Rayong won reward AND immunity and THEN we gained Quillynn from a mutiny! this is the best shit ever because now Ryan and Jordan (who i don't want to play with) are stuck on a losing tribe with Regan (who I've heard can be temperamental) and it's going to drive them up the wall. Hopefully Jordan's wasted idol play will come back to bite him and he'll get voted out because I would still prefer that Kelsey and Linus survive. Anyway I've gotten to know pretty much everyone on the new tribe except for Eric and Ryan T., who seem nice but haven't really been responsive to me except for in the group chat. If we lose, I'd kinda like to see one of them go but to be honest I'd be fine with riding a series of wins until the merge. Okay bye I'm procrastinating too much

i hate..... everything i was on a tribe that didnt lose a single challenge, i didnt have any 1 on 1 private conversations or relationships with anyone on the tribe but we all got along well and had worked well as a group so i was satisfied.... then yall swap and now im on a tribe of 7 where 5 of the people were from the flop tribe so not only am i in the minority but i'm in the minority where the majority was on a tribe that couldnt win a challenge to save their lives so unsurprisingly we lost this immunity and now its time for tribal with people who ive never talked to :) :) :) quillynn mutinied so thats one less person to have to worry about but still it could easily be a 4 vs 2 vote and the 1 person from my original tribe is regan who i love dearly shes truly one of the most iconic people of all time but in my list of people who are reliable game strategists i can count on to come up with plans and bounce ideas off of shes not necessarily someone i can do that with...... i did talk to Ryan a little bc we were on the same starting tribe before he mutinied so i got some light tea from him regarding the dynamics of the other tribe and he said that the alliances on the pther side were a 5 person alliance of akito, Jackson, quillynn, Kelsey and linus versus tyler, isaac and jordan.... tyler and isaac are gone so jordan stands alone from that minority group + its kinda weird that quillyn mutinied onto a tribe where original yala has the numbers especially since she was on a tribe with linus and kelsey who ryan said she was in an alliance with???? but maybe shes closer to akito and jackson + the other tribe is full of the people who kept winning challenges so idk but regardless idk whats going to go down for this vote but im annoyed that im on a tribe with a bunch of people who suck and im miserable

I AM A CHALLENGE GOD!! NO MATTER WHAT TRIBE IM ON I WILL BE INVINCIBLE BET EVERYONE WANTS TO BE ME HUH. jk omg im so glad to be on this tribe thats winning. people joining this tribe? not cool.... hope Q is nice tho. I feel like jackson is a threat tbh but like im gonna idol myself and vote him when we lose so watch out

I don't even know what to say. Tribe swap, sure, now that Akito and Jackson are both gone, I'm stuck with an angry Jordan, an unsure Linus, Quill who's just...THERE and these new people. Richie seems very close to me and I do feel confident talking with him and then there's Regan...girl. I feel very shaky around Regan. She's hit or miss, and when she misses, she misses pretty badly...but eh, I'll work with what I've got. Now, going into the tribal, it would be spectacularly easy to vote out Quill because of her absences but I'm the LAST person to judge on that area so...it's hard. Now that Jordan is rather distant from me, I could easily vote him out but I really do want to be in the end of the game with him and I want us to do as swell as possible. Out of everyone...I don't know. I'd rather vote for Ryan. But GOD. I have been to FIVE. BLOODY. ELIMINATIONS. IN A ROW. Geez LOUISE, I hate that this is happening. Girl, I'll do whatever it takes to get the crown, don't get me wrong...but WHY is this HAPPENING?!? I can't keep doing this...I really can't. My tribe has GOT to pull it together. It's testing me, I'm really ready to just go off on everyone for their lack of trying. I know that I TURNED this last immunity out so...WHAT'S the tea??? I just hope that I will just get a week to SIT and RELAX with these people. Because currently, there's no time to talk about life, we have to cut hookers WEEK after WEEK and it's...tiring. Girl, I can't even tell you where I'm going this week. Hopefully, straight back to camp. Let's give it everything we got.... *sigh* And THAT'S all there is to it~! W-We've got to win eventually...right? -Kelsey V Mikaelson

I am glad we won the challenge because honestly, I didn't really know my position in the tribe and whether or not I could be a target. Everyone seems so social and I wouldn't be surprised that most of them are in alliances without me.

I am happy Quillynn is back with us? But also I feel like I have to stick with Jackson's Alliance... despite me wanting to make moves but looking at how this game goes on forward. Trixie/Regan alliance is far more powerful then us. So if Linus and Kelsey are still here to the end, I may have to betray Quillynn and Jackson at that time. I hope I can make it through.

hi im happy to be on a tribe with jackson and quil. boba tea + fish has arrived!!

So what the fuck do i even have to talk about...havent lost a fucking challenge yet which is awesome...and now ppl are mutinying to us...its getting interesting...im still being the old gramps and no one is even talking to me...but we will see how this goes lmfao

I hope these people vote me out because I don't like them and I threw the challenge because I don't like them.

Here's your confessional stop blowing up my inbox!!

Voting Confessionals

Meh whatever, I vote for Jordan

Kelsey was medevaced

#worthplayingfor #confessionals

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survivorbouvetisland · 8 years ago

Text

Episode #3: “Find out next time on total drama suck my ass” - Andrew

Bodhi

I'm pretending to have been told to vote for Kelsey, but in reality I knew exactly who was leaving, and I just wanted to see what happened. So I called out my old tribe in the swapped tribe chat and Kelsey is explaining what happened to me while I call Trixie and Nehemiah snakes. I quite like those two and I kinda regret calling them out for something they didn't do like that, but it's FUN.

QuilLynn

So im on albatross now and I couldn't be happier! so far everyone seems nice, i've only talked really to shea and roxy but i really like both of them so far. The only person i'm with from skua is austin, but he can go tbh if he needs too, noah fence I just don't really have a relationship with him and im here to win and make some drama!

I tried to get a higher score on this reward challenge than i think the other team will get altogether. I hope it will establish me as a threat and serious player in this game. I'm trying to integrate with Shea, Roxy and Ali, because I know old albatross is going to stick together, I'm hoping i'll be able to work with them but I trust nobody 100% in this game. I told Shea that if I get an idol clue i'd share it with him, that's half true. If i get an Idol clue and find myself in the same situation as i was in at Skua then I'll get his advice with the idol, but if i find that bitch its mine!

stop spelling my name wrong @hosts it quillynn (two n's like how you all seem to have two 21st chromosomes) im going to POP OFF..... im jk love you guys <3, but it is two n's

Roxy's opinions are wrong sorry. Also @my tribe thanks for the all work in the challenge. I really feel like i'm going to be dragging this team through these challenges. At least trixie did something at this point she's the only one i wouldn't be okay with voting out.

I feel like with me on this team there is no way we lose a music video challenege, even though pretty much everyone seems to not want to be involved in it. I wanted to take editing too, but i let trixie take it because she said to me she was really good and i didn't want to come off as a total control freak, although i'm sure i still will... I will probably still help with the editing tbh. I just want to win!

I tried confiding in shea that I had an idol clue in hopes that he'd be able to give me some info about old albatross and also build trust, but i don't think it really worked. I like shea, but don't trust him. He didn't give me much and said roxy was the best in the scavanger hunt. When I went to roxy and asked her about the same challenege she said she was too busy to do basically any of it. To be fair I don't believe her either, but i might need to talk to one more person before I really can find out which one is lying and who has the first clue for the albatross idol

There is a crack starting to present itself within the old albatross tribe. Shea and roxy clearly don't get along. I believe i could convince roxy to vote shea out if i needed too, i just would need to solidify the rest of the votes which might be hard since i haven't talked much to the other non-albatross members. I also like shea and would want him to stay over roxy but realistically it would be harder to get his vote and I have a gut feeling that we should take him out asap if we get the opportunity.

We won, DUH. Skua's was shit ours was great, the judges were clearly on crack for lowballing our scores.

Trixie, Nehe, Austin, and myself might make an "outsiders" alliance amongst our tribe. Based on performance in the the last immunity challenge I'm contemplating throwing the next in order to get shea out. If we have our alliance plus maybe the vote of roxy or ali we'll be able to do it.

Jacob

Hey look, new tribes! I'm glad to see Bodhi! <3 And now I can get to know some more new people. I'm pretty excited overall, but I guess only time will tell how this turns out in the end.

Welp. That challenge was a bust. At least Regan is asking us to vote her out so we don't have to worry about the vote. I keep forgetting we have to do confessionals through this thing instead of just dropping them in the Host Chat.

Trixie

RIP dana. She had so much to live for. I can't believe she smacked her head and now she's dead. She deserved it for putting me in this tribe. JK everyone is very lovely and I'm trying to snuff out the problematics from the ppl I can trust.

This. Girl. Is. The. Nastiest. Skank. Bitch. I. Have. Ever. Met. Do. Not. Trust. Her. She. Is. A. Fugly. Slut. #[email protected] JK!!! <3

I'M LIVING FOR THIS FIGHT. BUY PRAYING ON ITUNES.

I just finished the music video, I hope everybody likes it!

I'm sorry but can I just fucking say I spent like 2 hours editing that 5 minute music video and not even a single 10/10 by the judges. Get fucked! I know we won but Skua's was less than a minute long and some bitch judges have the audacity to give us lower scores than them. Yikes @ these judges, learn how to judge

I'm thinkin aboot making an alliance with Quillynn and Nehe. Quillynn is up for this and said that maybe we can add Austin to make an alliance of 4 that way we can have half the votes on our team. I'm worried Albatross will just try to pick us off since we're the leftovers of Skua & Adelie

Andrew

Will Jacob ever agree with anything? Find out next time on total drama suck my ass

Regan

MY TRIBE IS FULL OF ANNOYING FUCKS. I hate this tribe swap no one wants to agree on any song we pick which are all bops by the way. 80s songs in general are bops!!!!!

I didnt think it was possible to hate the tribe this much..... its not a music video if youre using like audio clips from random shit thats just a video idk i dont find it creative i hate rupauls drag race so fucking much. im sorry our tribe is full of weirdos but like????

Nicholas

no offense but why is my entire tribe inbred

Zack

I hope my tribe does well with those music video. I will be in a car for thirteen hours and cannot do lip sync without having to do a long explanation as to why I'm doing it.

Kelsey

Oh my...SO much has happened since the last week lovers, let me catch you all up. So first, tribal. It was quite clear that Trixie and Bodhi were on opposing sides than Ragan and Cole. Trixie really did feel it was best to eliminate Cole from the competition, but Ragan had her doubts as did I. I feel as if Bodhi is not the best...communicator. Cole wasn't either, but he was better. But regardless, I draw up a plan that says that Ragan, Cole, Nehe(who was in the center of all of it) and I vote out Bodhi, therefore keeping Cole around. We all agreed on it and I thought it was sickening...until we get to the vote and myself and Cole are the only ones to vote for Bodhi. Ragan chickened out at the last moment and Nehe said he wanted to force a tie. L U D I C R O U S. Did they HONESTLY think that it would work if it tied? Oh, whatever. Trixie's happy, everyone assumes Ragan was the second vote, I'm still the sweet girl of the tribe. Whatever. And then we tribe swap...oh WHATEVER. I'm going to miss my romance island...especially now that we have to leave it FOREVER. Ragan and Bodhi both end up on the same tribe as me and, while it's nice to have the familiar faces, those two will probably not end up working together. Bodhi has a nice boiling rage for Trixie and Ragan and Ragan herself...is...so much more assertive on this tribe than she was last time. All these new people are also a bit scary to me...I don't think many of them particularly see themselves working with me and I know that's going to be deepened ever more after this challenge. All I can do is hope that I can make people like me like Gwen Stefani and slay...I know I'm not going to participate in this challenge. I have a fake name, I don't feel like revealing anything about myself...and it's tragic. I have to choose between a silly fear and a necessary challenge and I already know I'm picking fear. Not to mention there is a supposed music guru on the other side...I am just preparing myself for the worst. Oh, how I miss the Isles of Romance...no matter how messy it was...

And THAT'S all there is to it~! Can you pay my telephone billz? -Kelsey V Mikaelson

Well...that challenge was a thing. I expected it to be a particularly tough challenge...I did NOT expect to be left with doing the brunt of the work. I never expect editing to be so dificult...but my submission was made and honestly? I'm proud of it. I feel like it's sickening, not because of quality, but because I made it in three hours, odds against and I feel like it's wonderful. It may not be a music video but gosh...I'm proud. If I go home this week, I feel like I made something I can take with me and that's incredible. I do hope I don't leave...some of the reactions to the performance were less the incredible...but my name is Kelsey Mikaelson, darling. A lover's quarrel is nothing more than a love bite to me~! I wish myself the best...for strategy, I know, on my end, these people aren't as welcoming to a romantic such as myself. All I can do is...Pray. *rolls eyes* IT DIDNT EVEN HAVE ALL OF THE TRIBEMATES UGH X'D And THAT'S all there is to it~! Wish me luck, hen-pen-pals~! Yours truly, Kelsey V Mikaelson

Ali

IM LEGIT IN AN AlLIANCE WITH EVERYONE HELP ME!

Austin

OK so I still have zero social game. Apparently I was the last to be picked and that's pretty funny. I'm on a tribe with Nehe and Ali SO I formed an alliance with them and that was literally the first thing I said to them. They know I'm on vacation so I can't really talk much, but Ali seemed to be very into it. I've known Zack just as long as I've known Isaiah/Jay so he's 100% going to be a number for me considering this is his first ORG. I've literally fallen into a position of power without even trying. I told Ali/Nehe that Bodhi and I are a part of a secret twist called "Secret Lovers" and if we make merge then we can decide if we want to give immunity to two other players during round 1 merge. IVE LITERALLY SECURED SAFETY OFF OF BULLSHIT AND BODHI DOESNT EVEN KNOW!! Tbh just get me to merge with Jay, Zack, and Bodhi and I can guarantee final 3....Lmao I haven't even spoken to anyone

#yousuckatthisgame

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