#like ive been holding down a lot of feelings for like...the last 6 years???like damn that's a lot of time

[suggable]

god idk what's going on ive been feeling too much in the past 3 days dghshshshsn

[luminnara]

It’s Been a Long, Long Time | Ch 6

Summary:  When HYDRA had their prized asset, the Winter Soldier, they did something no one ever thought was possible: they gave super soldier serum to an omega. With the sole purpose of tending to him during his ruts, she spends decades living in HYDRA facilities, denied her humanity and her life. Now, years later, Bucky Barnes has his mind and his own life back...and the last thing he ever expects is to see a familiar omega again. Bucky/OC, a little angsty but mostly smutty/fluffy/romantic!

Part One | ... | Part Five | Part Six | Part Seven

Tags:  @kyrah-williams @oceanmermaidwitch @shawnie--jo @super-cape @ferxaniti @namjoonwatcheshentai @fandomsstolemylife00 @youngblood199456 @nightlygiggless @darlingely @ bluemoon-icecream @kaz11283 @jenjen8675309 @dollfacev8 @witchinpractice @mystical-b3ar @sukeraa

Bucky refused to leave the omega’s side while she stayed in the lab. Bruce had to stop him from trying to crawl onto the bed with her, and after about the third time, he convinced the super soldier to just pull up a chair like a civilized person and hold her hand while she drifted off to sleep again. Now that she was with her alpha, she had settled down for another nap, more interested in resting than answering any more questions so long as Bucky stayed and kept an eye on her. 

Steve had to admit, it was endearing. He had never seen his friend so absolutely enraptured like this. Whenever the omega, or Ten, as Bruce was still calling her, shifted in her sleep, Bucky’s eyes were snapping over to make sure that she was okay. Whenever she let out a little whimper, he was purring and stroking her hair. Whenever she seemed like she might wake up again, his attention was completely on her.

“So...sure you don’t remember her?” Steve asked, pulling up a chair. He had left for a few hours to work out, and after a lack of updates from FRIDAY, he headed back down to check on everything. They were exactly as he had left them, which was a good sign. At least nothing was getting out of hand. 

Yet.

Bucky shrugged, rubbing the back of the omega’s hand with his thumb. “I dunno. It’s...foggy.”

“Well, it seems to me like you’ve either got a history together, or she’s mistaking you for someone else.” Steve said. “Quite frankly, it’s hard to do the latter.”

“I’ve dreamt of her.” Bucky said quietly. 

“...what?”

“It’s not much, but...I’ve seen her face.” Bucky looked down at her. “I think that no matter how many times HYDRA wiped my memory, she’s always been in there. Kinda like the one constant that was always around, the one thing I could always count on being in the base with me.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” Steve asked.

“Never knew if she was real or not.” Bucky sighed. “I thought...maybe she was just something my mind made up to fill some of the gaps. But she smells exactly like I remember.”

Steve sat back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest as he watched his friend. Bucky wasn’t snarling anymore, most of his attention trained on the omega while she slept. Now that he was close to her, he had calmed down significantly, though he still wouldn’t let Steve within five feet of her bed. 

“Just got off the phone with Tony,” Bruce announced, walking in. “He and Pepper will be back tonight. Pepper’s having some clothes and personal items delivered for our new omega friend here. They also asked about renovating a more permanent room for her, but I, uh...told them I wasn’t exactly sure what the situation would be.”

“She’s staying with me,” Bucky said immediately. 

“Now hang on, hang on,” Steve leaned forward. 

“Steve,” Bucky growled. “I want her with me.”

“Buck, you don’t even know her—“

Bucky interrupted him with a loud snarl, the omega in question whining and squirming in her sleep at the sound of it. 

He immediately shut up, brushing a thumb over her cheek and shushing her until she was sleeping soundly again. Fuck, he felt so stupid. What was wrong with him? She could have woken up, or been scared, or upset, all because he couldn’t keep his big mouth shut. She needed her rest, and he needed to stay quiet. 

Steve almost couldn’t believe what he was seeing. 

“Oh, Buck,” he shook his head. “You’re in deep.”

—

Amoretta woke feeling well rested, and it wasn’t until she tried to stretch and felt the tug of her IV drip that she remembered where she was. Opening her eyes revealed the bright lights of the lab, and as she started to sit up, a few faces came into view.

“Welcome back, Sleeping Beauty,” Bruce said. “How are you feelin’?”

She licked her lips. “Juice box. Now.”

“Way ahead of you. Had this one waiting as soon as you started waking up.” He tossed one to her and was pleased when her hand shot up to catch it. “Reflexes look good. Vitals are all reading normal. I’ll have to run another test to see what’s going on with those suppressants, but I’m willing to bet you’re metabolizing them fairly quickly now. How are you feeling?”

She pulled the little straw off the back of the carton and jammed it into the top. “Nauseous. Like usual.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Side effect of the suppressants?”

“Always has been. Other than that...I feel great, actually.”

“Well, as soon as these wear off, we can figure out something nicer and more modern for you. If you want to use them, I mean.” Bruce shrugged. “Your choice.”

She smiled. “Choice. I like that.”

“Hey, we’re all about independence here,” Steve said happily. He was glad to see she was awake, even though Bucky wasn’t.

The other alpha was still at her side, but, as of about half an hour ago, he was napping. Steve made a mental note to never let him forget the way he slept straight through the one moment he had been waiting for all day. 

“What time is it?” She asked. “There’s no windows in this damn place.”

“Just after dinner,” Bruce chuckled. “You slept most of the day. Bucky hasn’t left your side.”

She looked over to her soldier, smiling warmly at the sight of him sleeping. He was even snoring softly. “I haven’t gotten to see this in forty years.”

“Did you two, uh…” Steve cleared his throat. “Spend a lot of time together?”

The omega laughed. “You always this awkward around girls?”

“That’s not—“

“Relax, I’m just giving you a hard time.” She sucked on her straw. “But...yeah, we did.”

“So...you were just kept for his ruts, or…” Steve was so awkward it was almost endearing. “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. I think.”

“It’s okay. I know my lot in life.” She kept her eyes trained on Bucky as she spoke. “But if I’m going to answer more questions, I want to get out of this bed. And I want real clothes. Then I’ll talk.”

And so, only several minutes later, Bruce was handing her a sweater and some shorts he had grabbed from a little stash of extra clothing, and Bucky was startled awake by Ten stepping past him. She was finally free from all the tubes and cords that had been sticking out of her during her little hospital stay, and she was all too eager now to explore the tower.

She stood on wobbly legs, almost falling onto him when she tried to take a step. Bucky was up in a flash, ready to catch her, and as she fell against his chest, he wrapped his arms around her. Despite just waking up, he felt fully alert, completely ready to tend to his omega’s every need. 

His omega...he liked that train of thought. 

“We can head up to the common area. It should still be quiet.” Steve said, leading the way out. 

Bucky kept an arm around his omega’s waist as they followed, Bruce bringing up the rear. He wanted to be touching her at all times, constantly in contact so that he couldn’t lose track of her. His instincts were roaring to life, demanding that he do everything in his power to make sure that she was safe and in his line of sight. The elevator ride was tense and full of possessive growling, Bucky constantly shoving Ten behind him to keep her in the corner and as far away from Steve as possible, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the doors slid open and they could step out of the cramped space again. 

The common area was empty, thankfully, FRIDAY informing them that the other Avengers were all either working out or in their private quarters. 

“Good,” Steve said, heading towards the couches. “No interruptions. Got it, FRIDAY?”

“Understood, Captain Rogers.”

“C’mere,” Bucky mumbled, pulling his omega down to sit on one of the couches with him. Part of him was feeling a little sheepish and self conscious of his behavior...but the rest of him didn’t give a shit. The others could stare and shake their heads all they wanted, but he’d be damned if he let Ten slip through his fingers again. 

Or whatever her name was. 

Steve and Bruce sat across from them, making sure that they left as much space as possible between themselves and the new omega. Neither of them had ever seen Bucky behaving quite like this--he was on guard, hyper aware of everything around him. He made sure that she was pressed up against his side, an arm draped possessively over the back of the couch so that it was unmistakable that she was with him.

Christ, what had gotten into him? He couldn’t remember ever acting this way about an omega before. 

“So…” Steve cleared his throat, sitting with his elbows resting on his knees.

Bucky didn’t really like the way his posture made him lean forward towards his omega, but he could deal with it for now. “So.”

“What do you wanna know?” Ten asked, plucking at Bucky’s shirt. She seemed to be even clingier with him than he was with her, perfectly happy to be hanging off him or tucked up against his side. “You met my demands. I guess I’m an open book now.”

“I don’t want to overstep my bounds,” Steve said. “We just need to know as much as you’re willing to share.”

“Then ask a question.”

“...Alright.” he cleared his throat again. “You said HYDRA used you to help with Bucky’s ruts?”

Ten nodded, her expression remaining even and cool. 

“Could you tell us more about that?” Steve glanced at Bucky. “Were there ever any other omegas, or anyone we should know about?”

“There were omegas before me.” she answered. “When I first got to the compound, there were a lot of us. They kept us all in big cells, so everyone talked. People said things about how HYDRA was grabbing omegas off the street for their super soldiers, and how the one at our base was the biggest and scariest.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow at her tone. He wasn’t exactly sure what he expected her to sound like while she regaled them with her life story, but he definitely thought there would be a tad bit more apprehension in her voice. She seemed proud of herself, and more matter-of-fact than a lot of omegas would be while talking about their alpha’s previous partners. Or...whatever you called prisoners whose only purpose was to help during ruts.

“And I bet he was,” she sighed, leaning her cheek on Bucky’s chest and looking up at him adoringly. 

“Well, I don’t know about that…” Bucky said, an almost shy smile on his lips. And...was he actually blushing?

Steve was going to lose his mind. 

“You said the other omegas couldn’t handle it? That’s why you were given the serum?” he prompted, trying to keep them on track before he drowned in the sticky sweetness of her happy pheromones. 

“Right.” she turned her attention back to Steve and Bucky let out a quiet huff. “HYDRA didn’t really like to take care of us. And the soldier--I mean, Bucky--would wear them out. So...HYDRA would just kind of let them go. Or put them down, maybe. I never saw it.”

Bucky’s expression dropped. His blush was gone, and he almost looked like he was going to be sick as he listened to her talk.

“But it wasn’t his fault,” she said quickly, glancing between him and Steve. “I don’t think it was ever on purpose, you were just...demanding.”

He gave a groan, leaning his head back against the couch. “You don’t have to sugarcoat it, doll. I’d rather know what I did, at this point.”

She offered a small shrug. “I don’t really remember it being that bad, but I don’t think I ever met you before they gave me the serum.”

“That’s something, at least.” he mumbled, dragging a hand down his face. 

“Why you?” Steve asked. “Did you have any prior military experience, any ties to something the others didn’t?”

“No.” she laughed. “I never even got in fights before HYDRA.”

“Then why’d they use such an important resource on you, specifically? Not trying to take a dig at you, it’s just...well, omegas don’t usually…”

“I know,” she said. “Omegas aren’t supposed to be tough, right? That’s why they only ever let alphas become super soldiers.”

“That’s not what I…” Steve trailed off and then sighed. “Sorry.”

“I told you, they gave me the serum so that I would be strong enough to hold my own. It also ensured I would always be around, no matter how many years passed.” Her fingers found Bucky’s free hand and she took it, absentmindedly playing with the smooth vibranium knuckles. “Having me as a constant meant they could stop spending so much time and effort on always having a new omega around for him. Plus…well, I wasn’t really there, but I heard something about it once…”

“What?” Bucky asked. 

“They let you choose who was going to become your omega.” She said, looking up at him. “They gave you a bunch of scents, and you chose mine. I guess it was the only reason they didn’t, uh...humanely euthanize me.”

His eyes were wide. The thought of HYDRA killing his omega brought a low growl to his throat, his chest rumbling with the vibrations of it. “No.”

“Well, clearly they didn’t!” She said brightly. “My file said I was a kicker.”

“So they gave you, an already aggressive omega, the serum, but never gave you any trigger words or fished around in your brain?” Bruce shook his head. “Surprisingly sloppy, considering who they are.”

“It’s not like they ever sent me out into the world. I stayed in my cell all day, unless I was needed for a rut. Then I went and stayed in a different cell.” She sighed. “And if they ever needed to, they could just use the alpha to grab me.”

Bucky clearly didn’t like the thought of that. He made a frustrated sound, leaning his head back again. “Great.”

“It was never bad.” She let go of his hand, moving her fingers to cup his jaw. “You never hurt me. You wouldn’t. Sometimes, when I acted up, they would make you go retrieve me, because they knew you were the only one who could do it. If they didn’t send you, they would just knock me out.”

“So...that was it?” Steve asked. “Ruts, serum, cryo?”

“For thirty years!” She chirped. “The last time they froze me, they were freezing him, too. They always tried to keep us in cryo at the same time so that I could be thawed out and ready when he needed me. But...I guess they just...left me there?” She frowned. 

“See, that’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.” Steve said. “I didn’t see any signs of a struggle at that base. I’d say they left in an orderly fashion, but the fact that they didn’t take you along makes me think they were in more of a hurry than they made it seem.”

“Natasha might have a better idea,” Bruce suggested. “We can talk to her, try to figure out—“

“FRIDAY, open the damn door or so help me God I will rewrite your entire personality.” A voice interrupted from the other side of the door. 

“I’m sorry, Tony, but Captain Rogers asked me not to.” The AI said. 

“Well, is it an emergency?” The man scoffed.

“No emergency measures have been executed. No security breaches have been identified.”

“Then I’m sorry, but Captain Rogers does not outrank me when it comes to my own robots. Open the door, beautiful.”

She seemed to sigh. “Very well, Mr. Stark.”

Ten perked up, leaning forward slightly. She was watching the door curiously, tilting her head a little when she heard it slide open. Bucky rolled his eyes, grumbling to himself quietly and pulling her up against his side as another alpha strode in. 

“Really? Having a party without me?” the man asked, a smooth, casual air about him as he walked in and looked at everyone on the couches. When his eyes landed on the omega cuddled up next to Bucky, he stopped. “Ah, is this our new guest?”

“Go away, Stark.” Bucky growled. He didn’t like how long the other man’s gaze was lingering on his omega, not when there weren’t any scars on her neck to show who she belonged to.

“Always such a charmer, Barnes.” Tony said, flopping down next to Steve. “Lovely to see you, too. Care to introduce me to your friend? ….No, you’d rather just snarl and forget your words? I knew you were old, but I didn’t realize you were actually a caveman.”

“Tony,” Bruce groaned. “Don’t aggravate him. Please.”

“Why not?” Tony leaned back against the cushions, completely at ease and totally happy to be pressing every one of Bucky’s buttons. 

“Are you Tony Stark?” Ten asked, wiggling out of Bucky’s grip to sit on the edge of their couch. 

Bucky caught her around the waist before she could get very far, though, and dragged her onto his lap. He loomed over her, sneering dangerously at Tony as the other alpha flashed a smile. 

“Bingo.” he said. 

“I never thought I’d meet a Stark,” she admitted. “I always heard about Stark Industries, but I lived too far away from any big cities to ever get to see any of his exhibitions.”

“Ah. You’re from my father’s time. Of course.” Tony shot a pointed glare in Bucky’s direction. “Seems like Bruce left out a few teensy weensy important details on the phone today.”

“Well, it’s been, uh...an ongoing learning experience.” Bruce said sheepishly. 

“Lots of developments, huh?” Tony raised an eyebrow. 

“You could say that.” Steve said under his breath. “We came up here so Ten could be more comfortable while we talk.”

“Oh yeah? What’re we talkin’ about?” Tony asked. 

“They were asking about my time with HYDRA,” she answered, cutting in before anyone else could. “And with...Bucky.”

Saying his name felt odd. Her tongue wasn’t used to it, and her mind wanted to call him alpha, or Winter Soldier. Bucky just seemed so…casual, such a strange thing to call a deadly super soldier. When she heard herself, though, she decided that she definitely didn’t hate it. 

Bucky’s heart gave a little leap at the sound of his name falling from her lips. He wanted her to say it over and over again, in whispers and in screams, for nobody else’s ears but his. 

“...Buck?” Steve asked, pulling him away from his thoughts. “You, uh, kinda zoned out there.”

It wasn’t until Bucky looked at Steve that he realized his eyes had been trained on the omega in his lap. “Yeah?”

“...Is this seriously how you’ve spent the past day and a half?” Tony asked. “Steve, I’m sorry, and I’m sure you’re just trying to be as helpful as you can be, like always, but I think you should let these two get a room.”

Steve looked at him incredulously. “Tony, really? I’m trying to get to the bottom of why exactly HYDRA would abandon the omega they pumped full of super soldier serum. They can get a room later—“

“Yeah, uh, wonder boy? I don’t think your pal is gonna last much longer before he tries to rip our heads off.” Tony nodded towards a very disgruntled Bucky. “You can resume your interrogation tomorrow, Cap.”

Steve looked to Bruce for help, but he only offered a small shrug and stood, heading towards the door. “He’s right, Steve. They deserve some alone time.”

“But—hey!” Steve protested as Bucky picked his omega up, striding past the two alphas sitting on the opposite couch. 

“Thanks for everything, Steve.” Bucky said over his shoulder. 

Ten squirmed, peeking around Bucky’s arm as she was carried away. “Bye, Mr. Stark!”

“Don’t look at him,” Bucky growled as they walked out the door. 

“Did his father really make hoverboards? I heard once that Howard was promising hoverboards—“

“No.” He said flatly. 

“...oh.” She huffed, slumping against him. “Where are we going?”

“My apartment.” Bucky stepped into the elevator, his grip still tight around her. 

The omega perked up. “You have a whole apartment?”

He puffed his chest out a little. “Course I do. Gotta have a nice place for you, don’t I?”

“So I can stay?” Her eyes were bright and happy. “I can stay there, with you, all the time? Not just when you rut?”

He felt a sad little pang in his heart. When he spoke again, his voice was low and soft. “Of course, sweetheart.”

Then, his eyes widened as he realized what he was saying. “I mean, uh...i-if you want to, that is. I know it’s fast and all, and maybe...would you rather have your own room? Or I can stay on the couch—“

“Bucky,” she cut him off with a laugh, a soft hand cupping his jaw. “You’ve been my alpha for seventy years. I’d say we’re actually moving pretty slow.”

His expression relaxed again, lips stretching into a small smile. “Right. Yeah. You’re right.”

They spent the rest of the elevator ride in comfortable silence, Bucky rubbing his scent glands all over her hair. He wanted to make sure that the next time they encountered anyone else, she smelled exactly like him.

Like her alpha.

When the elevator came to a gentle stop at Bucky’s floor, the doors opened, and he stepped out in front of his apartment door. It opened for him, having already scanned his biometrics, revealing a small, but cozy, living room. 

He set his omega down on her feet, watching anxiously as she stepped into his quarters. Did she like it? Fuck, was it too small? It was too small. She probably hated it. Fuck, fuck, fuck...he had to salvage this somehow. 

“Well, uh…” shit, he sounded too nervous. He wanted her to think he was a strong, capable alpha. 

He cleared his throat for another start. “Welcome home, Omega.” 

Wait. That wasn’t right. Should he be calling her that? No, probably not, it sounded too possessive, too uncaring. He wished he just knew her fucking name, or something. 

“I mean…Ten?”

Shit, he sounded so stupid. He wanted to impress her, not...do whatever this was.

She just laughed, though, turning and looking at him with those eyes that sparkled like starlight. “Amoretta. My name is Amoretta.”

[chocoholicannanymous]

If the Spit Hits the Fan (Glee) Part XV

Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, part VI, pt VII, part VIII, part IX, part X, part XI, part XII, part XIII and part XIV.

Being Sebastian's boyfriend really isn't that much different from being his friend. They do a lot of the same things, and talk about the same stuff, only now there's hand-holding and kissing and cuddling with it. Apart from the touching though? Nothing really changes much.

Which kind of makes it sound like how it was with Blaine.

It's not though.

Sebastian will hold his hand in the hallway without worrying about being seen. And yes, Dalton is different from McKinley – so, so much different, and safer – but Blaine even hesitated to hold Kurt's hand in the choir room, surrounded by friends.

Sebastian kisses him in a way that never leaves Kurt doubting there's attraction, and has to stop his hands from wandering too far on a regular basis – yet never making Kurt worry he won't stop.

Sebastian makes Kurt have to stop himself, both from allowing it and from doing his own wandering. They're still too new to go there, no matter how much Kurt's hormones sit up and beg every time Sebastian touches him. (They'll get there, Kurt's sure, just... Step by step, and not yet.)

Sebastian reaches out for Kurt without looking – sometimes seemingly without thinking – to pull him close, and always makes a space for him.

And when Sebastian sings, it's with Kurt, or for him, not at him.

It's a far cry from scheduled make-outs and avoiding even PG13 levels of PDA and being made to feel like his boyfriend is more interested in his own hand than in Kurt.

It's amazing.

There's a rainbow rose hanging on Kurt's door on Valentine's day. He and Sebastian have been dating for two days – a day and a half, if he was to be picky – and Kurt knows from last year's insanity that there's not a flower shop within two hours of Vesterville that carries rainbow roses. They have to be ordered special, and with a lot more warning than two days.

Kurt's not the least bit ashamed about how he squeals, or how he turns on his heel and kisses his boyfriend (!) for long enough to be a little dizzy afterwards.

This isn't to say that Sebastian is a perfect boyfriend. He's not. Then again, neither is Kurt. He's working from romantic movies and the examples from the New directions, and of course from his time with Blaine. Neither is a good road map. Romantic movies have so many flaws Kurt don't really want to examine, and a lot of his favorites are set too far back in time to be useful as guidelines. The loves lives of his old glee mates are...well. They're flawed too, when seen without rose-colored glasses and envy.

As for his relationship with Blaine... Even if he's not counting how it ended that relationship was so very less than perfect, and honestly it was both their faults. Kurt's not without blame, he knows that and can admit it without somehow pretending what Blaine did wrong never happened.

So he's trying to learn from his mistakes, and other people's mistakes, and he does his best to communicate with Sebastian – who does the same in return.

Also, no one can say that they don't argue. They definitely do. They have from the beginning, and they're both opinionated passionate people, so why should they stop now? Their relationship has changed – they themselves haven't.

It's just that they manage to argue in a way that works. That doesn't makes Kurt pull out his claws to eviscerate Sebastian, that doesn't scare Kurt, or make him give in to “preserve the peace”. That, right there, was one of the things that had sent his relationship with Blaine down the wrong turn. When he'd first told his dad that he'd begun dating Blaine Burt Hummel had told him never to go to bed angry with his partner. He'd meant to sort out arguments and disagreements, but Kurt had interpreted it as needing to back down and push down his anger or hurt. With Sebastian he doesn't.

They argue, because that's who – and how – they are, but they do it in as mature and healthy way as they are able to, being teenagers. And they apologize if they step over the line. Not Kurt apologizes, regardless, with Sebastian pouting until he does, but both of them.

If Kurt had to, he'd call it damned near perfect. Instead he'll just say it's good, and he's happy.

That's never something to look down on.

The week of Regionals is weird. Kurt's never felt as prepared or as calm with a competition approaching, which is rather telling. The rest of the Warblers are a different story though. Kurt has made it clear that his primary goal is to beat the Troubletones, and his friends are feeling the pressure. They even ask if Kurt and Sebastian won't reconsider singing 'Human Nature'.

“Look, guys, I'm honored, really, that you would trust me, us like that. But I want to win more than I want that solo. And even if we ignore the fact that Ohio doesn't seem ready for a gay duet, I really do think the setlist we have is stronger as is. The Troubletones have a great presence, and both Mercedes and Santana are awesomely talented. However, everything about the Troubletones are built around them. The rest of the girls are background and dancing. If we go on with a number that's the same they are going to win, for no other reason than that most people find girls prettier and nicer to look at.

“But if we go on as an actual choir, for a show choir competition? We'll win. I'm sure of it. We've worked so hard with our songs, and I wouldn't change a thing about our setlist.”

And it's true. They have an amazing setlist, and everything flows in a way that makes Kurt feel practically professional, and he's not giving that – and its chance to win – up to stare longingly at Sebastian while singing a song that exposes them to the core.

No. Kurt's going to have quite a lot more time in the spotlight than he'd expected when turning down a proper solo. He's going to sing with his friends, and his boyfriend, and he's going to show McKinley what it means to be a team onstage.

The Troubletones are just as amazing onstage as Kurt thought. They've done a good job picking their songs, and Mercedes still has the best voice he's ever heard live. Santana's not quite as talented, but give her the right song – which these are – and she'll blow your mind. Their choreography showcases the girls poached from the Cheerios without making Mercedes look too far behind, and their clothes look good.

Kurt would vote for them any day, even with Rachel being given a place in the background, except this one. This is going to be his day. He meets Sebastians eyes as they line up and nods.

Showtime.

'I want You Back' does exactly what it's meant to, namely getting the audience in a party mood. As the last notes flows into the first from 'Man in the Mirror' the mood shifts and Kurt feels his own shift with it. His solo feels a little raw, because in no way can he sing those lines without being reminded of all the crap he's gone through over the past 6 months.

“...a willow deeply scared, somebody's broken heart and a washed out dream...”

Well. His heart might have been broken, and his dreams about Blaine did wash out. But he's got new dreams, and his hearts healed, and no matter the scars he's whole where it matters. And even if he wasn't? He's looking in the mirror, and he's changing.

They bring the party back with their last song, giving their all transforming the sounds of 'Beat It' to sounds that can be reproduced by the human throat. The dancing is the most demanding Kurt's ever done onstage, and he knows he will definitely be beat after. But they look and sound awesome, and that's all that matters.

Or maybe not, he ruefully thinks as he sees Finn on his feet, jumping up and down and whooping as the Warblers are proclaimed the winners and Rachel looks like she's been pelted with eggs again.

“You stole our songs!”

Of course. All Kurt wants to do is get on the bus, go back to Dalton and celebrate. Okay, shower, then celebrate. So naturally Rachel is waiting to ambush him. Well, that's not going to go the way she's probably thinking.

“Really? Really Rachel, you're going there? You know very well that we didn't steal anything. Oh, I know that there was a suggestion that the New Directions do Michael for Sectionals, but I also know that you were the one who refused to accept it.

“You really blew it there. Michael is a great choice for Sectionals or Regionals, what with the Ohio mindset, and I'm pretty sure you would have won with the setlist the guys suggested. I'm not surprised you put a stop to it though.”

Rachel draws back, looking first shocked, then insulted, then finally like an angry goose, complete with hissing sound. He's not letting it touch him though, lets it run over him, one might say, like water over a goose.

“There are no songs in Michael Jacksons discography that's a given for you, no certainty that you'll be featured. And in the end, that's what mattered, wasn't it? Not that the New Directions won, but that you won. You wanted to beat the Troubletones, didn't you? Wanted to show that you were better than Mercedes, wanted to prove that her beating you when auditioning for Maria was just a fluke. Wanted to prove what everyone knows, that's she's every bit as good as you, and sometimes better, is wrong.

“Well, congratulations. You got what you wanted in terms of the setlist and the spotlight, but you fucked up everything else. And not just for you, but for everyone.”

An expression of pain flies across Rachel's face, and he pushes the knife in a little bit further.

“We weren't as blind though. The minute Finn told me about the Michael setlist I knew it was a winner. As did the other Warblers. I asked Finn first, and Sam and Puck. They didn't think we needed their permission, as you didn't use the songs, but they gave it any way.”

Kurt looks at Rachel, looks at the way she's still fuming, still refusing to see any other side than her own. It won't matter what he says – she'll keep ignoring any and all arguments against her. Once he might have tried harder to make her understand, but as things are he just wants to leave. His boyfriend's waiting and that makes Kurt out of time to spend on his former friend.

“Your loss, our gain.”

He starts to leave, but thinks better of it. He's got one more jab in him.

“Oh, and Rachel? Don't worry. Going to Nationals is a privilege, and we won't waste it. We've already gotten started on a setlist.”

It's petty, but. So's she.

That evening the Warblers celebrate as thoroughly as a bunch of uniformed boys in a well-staffed boarding school can. This means that it's late when Kurt drags Sebastian to his room (unlike him Sebastian's in a single), but neither of them is under the influence of anything but happiness.

That's important to Kurt as they tumble into Sebastian's bed while kissing, because he doesn't want there to be any doubt in Sebastian's mind that when Kurt pulls off his shirt and then goes for his fly it's because he wants to.

Having Sebastian stop him is frustrating, to say the very least.

“Hey, what are you doing?”

It's only the fact that it's Sebastian, and that he's shown himself trustworthy in so many ways over the past months that stops Kurt from storming out.

“I thought we... You know?”

It's so hard to say, to open himself up like this, years of being told he's a predator, or ugly, or plain wrong getting just as much in his way as the fact that he's never done this, and the only time he's been even close wasn't even about him.

Apparently he's going to have to use his words regardless, because Sebastian's not taking the opening.

“I thought we could have sex.” There. Words. Consent. Door wide open.

And yet Sebastian's still not taking the opening.

“What's the hurry?”

Kurt pulls back a little, hurt blooming.

“No, no, don't. Talk to me, okay? I'm a bit surprised I guess. We haven't even been dating for two months yet, and I know this is new for you.”

“So? It's not like I'm waiting for marriage.”

Kurt knows he sounds a bit snippy, and he has sort of been waiting – not for marriage, but for something, some feeling of more. He's got that feeling with Sebastian, so what's the point of waiting any longer? Everyone else his age (or so it feels) is having sex so why can't he?

Some of it must bleed through because Sebastian gets that “aha” look, and nods a bit.

“Look, regardless of what I might have said or implied when chasing Blaine, I'm actually not the whore of Babylon. I have, however, rounded a few bases and enjoyed them. I think you'd enjoy them too, and I would love to find out first hand. But that doesn't have to mean we go straight to fucking.” Kurt blushes, because he might be ready to do it, but those words...

“So. I'm not going to push, and I'm not going to rush. I am more than interested though, I'm just happy to take it a bit slow. To build up to every step. As far as I'm concerned you've earned that.”

Sebastian's looking so earnest it kills Kurt annoyance, and then lightning-quick it's replaced by a vicked look than makes him shiver all over.

“I wouldn't mind showing you the first of many, many bases now though. How about it, babe?”

Kurt doesn't mind either, neither then nor the next day.

[badatjokezz]

Haikyuu!! Rare Pair Fic Recs

i’ve been so hype about some Hq rarepairs lately now imma list some of my fav fanfics, mostly OiSuga mwehehe.... 

(probably gonna add some more in the future)

Oisuga (Oikawa x Sugawara)

1. Stuck in the Middle With You by overlymetaromantic

It's not the kind of blossoming relationship either of them would expect, but maybe, just maybe, it could lead to something good.

1. In which Suga and Oikawa run into each other on a late night convenience store run.

2. In which Suga and Oikawa inadvertently switch bags and end up with the other’s uniform.

3. In which Suga gives Oikawa the lecture he doesn't want but probably needs, and Oikawa might accidentally be a little in love.

4. In which Oikawa won't shut up about Suga, and Iwaizumi plays matchmaker just to make him stop.

5. In which there is not a date, and Suga likes spicy things much more than sweet.

6. In which Karasuno and Aobajousai hold training camps in the same neck of the woods, and the trip back proves to be more revealing than it probably should.

7. In which there might just be a future to this after all.

(Dis is so fluffy i might die)

2. moving on (growing up) by _helios (neocitz)

‘I’ll do it,’ Suga says, walking into their prep school and dropping his bag on the floor next to Oikawa. He shoves the melon bun and drink forward into Oikawa’s hands, and stands there looking down at him because he knows that he needs to not chicken out.

‘You’ll do what?’ Oikawa looks up through his glasses, eyes wide and confused as the other students stream in around them.

‘The fake dating thing, I’ll do it.’

‘Fuck. Yes.’ Oikawa says with a fist pump.

(It’s been AGES since i read Fake/Pretend Relationship fic, this one is goood)

3. how strange, to be remembered by venusintwelfthFandoms

"He is not formed of the type of dust that makes up stars. Suga is not the type of person that stays in the mind of one like Oikawa Tooru, ten years later. He is formed of the type of dust you shake off, the type that settles into the ground."

Ten years after Suga last steps off a high-school court, Oikawa recollects a "Mr. Refreshing" in a post-game interview, and Suga is left scrambling.

(Cute one-shot, Oikawa still remember Mr. Refreshing from Karasuno)

4. all the small things by Authoress for lemedy

Sugawara Koushi.

Oikawa’s brain supplies the name of the person standing at the other end of the aisle before Oikawa can even register him, attuned to spitting out facts about other volleyball players on a second’s notice, even after all these years. Karasuno High vice-captain. 174 cm…no, more like 176 now. Skilled at raising morale and bringing an element of surprise to their strategy. Troublesome. Refreshing. Setter.

The enemy.

(Single Dad! Oikawa, cuuutee ugh)

5. Win Some by kingdra (aroceu) for Icie

Tooru does not have a problem, its name is certainly not Sugawara Koushi, and he is not going to the Karasuno practices just to watch him. Regardless of whatever Iwa-chan says.

(High school romane~)

6. Even as bright as you are? by BKAKCANON

That night when he goes to sleep, he includes "the safety of fairies" on his prayers, making a promise to whoever was listening him, that he'd protect all the fairies and keep their secret safe forever.

[Where Oikawa meets Suga when they are kids and Oikawa believes Suga is secretly a fairy and decides he has to protect his secret all costs.]

(This is basically matches my headcanon)

7. getting to know you by oisugasuga

Suga feels like he’s back on the court then, his heart thudding hard in his ears… so hard he almost misses what Oikawa says. Unfortunately, though, he doesn’t.

"My, my. What a surprise," Oikawa Tooru says. And then… "Hello, Mr. Refreshing."

(Haven’t finished yet but DAMN I LOVE OIKAWA AND SUGA IN HERE, single dad! oikawa, and Suga babysitting oikawa’s kid, def slow burn. Imma follow this fic till death)

8. Dear Reader by hyirule

No one seems to read the paper anymore. But Oikawa likes to for the sports section. One day he finds himself reading a section called "Dear Reader" and finds a submission he can relate to.

Basically messages sent through a page on a newspaper brings to unlikely souls together, who maybe have more in common than they first thought.

(Cannon compliant, simple and... refreshing(?))

9. rest by shicchaan

Tooru looks at the sleeping person beside him as he waits for the lights change into green. The growing fringe of his husband started to cover his eyes but he can still see the beautiful birthmark under the silver haired's left eye.

(Established relationship, fluff fluff!!!)

10. long is the road (that leads me home) by ichweissnichtauch

He thinks about himself, deleting contacts from his phone and throwing coffee cups away without even looking at the string of numbers scrawled in Sharpie ink underneath, and he’s tired of hiding, tired of carefully treading the lines he’d drawn for himself all those years ago.

Just this once, Tooru wants— he thinks he wants to be brave.

Oikawa Tooru is not a stranger to wanting.

(like... 20% Oisuga but i like the way this story follows the Cannon till he get to Argentina)

11. It's Always Been About You by mintycarrots

Every time Tooru had envisioned meeting his soulmate, it was a confession of love, filled with tears of happiness and a lot of making out. It would be a faceless petite girl that would support Tooru in whatever he chose to pursue and would understand when Tooru prioritized volleyball over all else.

It was never a boy on the rival team.

(Soulmate AU)

12. a play in three acts by venusintwelfth

"The first time Sugawara Koushi sees Oikawa Tooru play, he thinks that if he wasn’t so set on volleyball, he’d do well in theater."

the first seijoh x karasuno match through the eyes of suga.

(Kinda poetic i guess, well written af)

13. colors by dazeful

Sugawara Koushi's colorful life as an archer.

(this is like the perfect oisuga one shot ive ever read)

___

IwaSuga (Iwaizumi x Sugawara)

1. And so the moon cried by iwriteinpenFandoms:

The hillocks are the domain of unearthly creatures. Creatures of rot and fog, of music and dance. Like ghosts in the night they travel without leaving footprints, they disappear in a flurry of long dresses and pale hair. Those who are fated to see them risk curses far worse than death. You may hear them, a giggle in the wind. You may smell them, the smell of the fog rolling in through the trees. You should pray you never see them. Iwaizumi Hajime is a simple man. He works a simple farm job and enjoys simple things. After one morning where he woke next to a perfect circle of death and only the memory of brown eyes and cold hands, he finds himself inexplicably drawn to the forest. Will the tales of his childhood play out with him at the center or will he have to disregard all reason?

(Danish Folklore AU)

2. Cry Just A Little by DreadfulMind

Suga was whistling a tune to himself as he opened the door to the bathroom, so he didn't hear the muffled crying through the door. But he could hear it clearly once he was inside. He heard the sharp sob of someone trying to stop.

"Iwaizumi?" He asked, "are you sure you're alright?"

(Simple but c u t e)

3. Generations by Karasuno Volleygays (ToBeOrNotToBeAGryffindor), mozaikmage

Professional sports blogger Sugawara Koushi writes an article about a volleyball match that bears special meaning to him and his former kouhai: a showdown between Kitagawa Daiichi and Yukigaoka Middle School, ten years after the teams faced off for the first time. He doesn't plan on capturing the attention of the world of sports journalism, and he certainly doesn't expect himself to end up having a thing for one of the coaches involved, one Iwaizumi Hajime.

(Time-Skip, I loved it)

___

KuroTsuki (Kuroo x Tsukishima)

1. Invictus by Chiru

Kuroo T. » So let me get this straight (gay?) Kuroo T. » You want me to pretend to be your perfect and fabulous boyfriend, so that your little freckled friend will stop trying to set you up with cute little highschool girls? Tsukishima Kei » yes Kuroo T. » Aha. Tsukishima Kei » you'll do it? Kuroo T. » I don't know. I missed the part where I get something out of it. Tsukishima Kei » you get to annoy me. Unfortunately Kuroo T. » Tempting, Tsukki, very tempting indeed.

(Fake/Pretend Relationship, some fluff, some angst, i read this in the middle of the night and cried, fortunately happy ending)

2. hold onto hope if you got it by nekolyssi

"Now, in the beginning of their third year of high school, the obnoxious hollering and incessant spirit of his teammates became normalcy to Kei. And now, normalcy is this. Weekly psych meetings. Pharmacy waiting rooms. Prescriptions. Refusal of prescriptions. More prescriptions."

(Not finished yet but yep prolly gonna put this one to one of those best haikyuu fics ive ever read. I wasnt so interested at first but i really like the idea of mental ilness etc, this is g o o d!!)

3. [KuroTsuki Fest Week 2017] Traces by Heartythrills 

Kuroo’s disappeared for a little over a week now, and suddenly a 4 year old who looks like him appears before Tsukishima’s apartment.

(Age regression, fluff)

4. I swear by xArtemisx

Like the shadow that's by your side I'll be there

"What are you doing here, Tetsu? It's cold." Kei asked softly. Tetsurou smiled. Hearing his name came out of Kei's lips is always music to his ears.

"Nothing. I just came to think that whatever memory we make, may it be happy or sad memories, the bright moon and the starry night sky is always there to be the witness. Did you notice?" The alpha answered and Kei nodded. He also noticed it.

"Yes, I did noticed it."

(I love agony and sad ending....)

5. Honeybee by ClosetGoblin

Tsukishima has trouble sleeping one night during a Third Gym Camping Trip. So, he takes his acoustic guitar and passes the time with some music, and gets a visitor. Maybe he doesn't mind Kuroo's voice as he does the screeching that Lev and Hinata call singing.

(Simple but sweet)

6. Say You Like Me by the_madame21

It's been three months. And Tsukishima Kei is going to see Kuroo Tetsurou.

(light angst and.. s m u t. Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamic)

7. trying to get to you by mytsukkishine

Everything came crashing down on Kuroo when Kei had left him alone with nothing but the moon shining down on him.

Wherein, Kuroo was struggling to move on and decided that he wouldn't mind being with Kei again.

(sad beginning? yes. sad ending? y e s. you’re a masochist? come get your juice)

8. Please Hold by ThemooncatFandoms

Kei was expecting Kuroo to do one of two things; Send a text to the office saying that they will have to call back another time and continue what they started, or excuse himself from Kei to answer the call, which was most likely. He shouldn’t have been surprised when Kuroo does neither of those things.

(short but hot. what’s hotter than quiet sex?)

___

Ushijima x Oikawa

1. This Insignificant Pride and Prejudice by Mysecretfanmoments, Pouler (poulerslashes)

Oikawa Tooru graduated high school with the burning desire to succeed in his college career. He'd hoped that might include taking down his arch-nemesis along the way, but when he finds that his college team hosts an offensively familiar face, he can't help but think that the universe might be conspiring against him. After all, what could be worse than playing on the same team as Ushijima?

(It was funny for me reading oikawa/ushijima fic with that “you should’ve come to Shiratorizawa” joke at first but somehow i found this one... endearing :3, cute poor ushiwaka)

___

Atsumu x Nishinoya

1. All the things I love about Yuu by KilluCoulomb

Atsumu Miya is fixated in Nishinoya. The way the boy acts, talks, plays. He Carefully observes from afar, but he slowly warms up to the Libero. Friendship becomes more and more intimate. Atsumu realizes Nishinoya is not that simple guy he met three years ago. And he loves it.

(pro volleyball players AU)

2. i'll see you then by noyabeans (snowdrops)

Nishinoya Yuu and Miya Atsumu build a rivalry and something more.

“Oh, it's Karasuno’s libero,” he says, mildly surprised to see Nishinoya’s face staring back at him from the brochure, grinning wide with his arms folded over his chest.

Contains spoilers for the current manga arc, up to chapter 380.

[petri808]

Bakudeku canon divergent, vampire quirk AU

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24

When Bakugou finally woke up in the Ena City Hospital, his head was splitting worse than a punch from Kirishima in full quirk, and ears rang with the force of all 108 New Year’s bell tolls. If he’d had no memory of the night before, Bakugou swore he’d just survived the worst hangover in history. Even his eyes hurt from the bright, piercing fluorescent lights and they weren’t even open! He turned his head to the side, noticing how much effort it took just to shift in such a small manner. It was as if his body was drained of... “Ugh, that bastard,” he groaned. ‘Fucker bit me.’ And as if to add insult to injury, a pin-prick pain in his neck revealed itself in that revelation.

His arm flopped up, hand straining with jerky strokes, reaching to touch the fresh bite wound located at the junction of his neck and shoulder. He flinched at the tender, bruising pain that sent a shock down his spine. Son-of— This just in! Pro Hero Dynamite cast in one of those cliché vampire movies that went straight to video. Definitely not the career start he’d envisioned.

“Oh, good you’re finally awake Mr. Bakugou.”

“Who the fuck are you?” he spat at the male voice. “And can someone turn the fucking lights off?!”

“I am Doctor Ishihira, and my apologies,” the doctor flicked off the overhead light. “Is that better?”

“Yeah,” he grumped.

“Mr. Bakugou, you were found yesterday morning and brought in suffering from hypovolemic shock due to severe blood loss and dehydration. We’ve treated you with 3 liters of IV fluids and blood plasma to bring your numbers back up, however you’ll still be groggy until your body replenishes the nutrients you were stripped of.”

Over a day had passed! At hearing he’d been out cold for so long, Bakugou immediately clenched his fists, swearing up and down about being released until they threatened to sedate him for longer. Longer?! He begrudgingly relented and settled down, but damn it! That meant Midoriya had another head start on him again! And now that the man knew he was on his trail, finding him would be a lot more difficult!

“What the hell is hypo-whatever shock?” Bakugou questioned.

“When you were found, you were in and out of consciousness and rambling incoherently, all signs of severe blood loss. The fatigue you’re still feeling is also due to the effects of it. Luckily the amount of loss wasn’t enough to start shutting down your organs.”

The doctor continued explaining a few more details regardless of the tantrum like a robot. Minor injuries he’d been treated for. The obvious puncture wounds in his neck, questioning Bakugou about any description he could provide of his attacker. He wasn’t about to tell this doctor or any authority figure who the true culprit was, so he feigned a temporary retrograde amnesia. Based on a raised brow, peering over his glass’s expression, the doctor didn’t look very convinced. Oh well, Bakugou really didn’t care about the man’s opinion.

“Mr. Bakugou, we also called you parents…”

“You what?!” Bakugou tried to jump off the bed, but his body absolutely refused to respond and ended up flopping like a dying fish. Ugh! He really was worse off than he’d thought.

“I’m sorry, but you are a minor, so we were obligated to do so. However, they did give us permission to treat and release you on your own recognizance once we felt you were better.”

Well, that was good news. ‘Sounds like mom actually listened to my letter.’ Or the authorities surely would have shown up by now. “Ugh! So, how much longer am I stuck here?”

“If you continue to recover well, tomorrow morning.”

Fuck! Now a three-day head start! Just great, he groaned. Midoriya could get far away with that kind of a jump start. “Fine, whatever! Now go the fuck away.”

The doctor left the room after explaining how nurses will be monitoring his progress, but to also let them know if anything started to feel worse. They needed to know if he developed any lasting effects from organ damage. Once he was alone again, Bakugou rolled gingerly onto his side as his mind processed the new information. Whatever Midoriya had been hit with must be the cause of this weird blood thirst that resembled a goddamn vampire plot line. Perhaps the significance of the blood coloring in his eyes was a sign of that thirst taking hold? That’ll be a handy tell, too bad it seemed to appear within seconds of the next step.

But if Midoriya had just fed on a victim, and history showed at times, a span of days before the next incident, what had caused his friend to attack him so fast? Was this thirst like a hunger? And what happens when you exercise or exert yourself? You use up energy. ‘Duh, Katsuki.’ Fighting and expending all that energy must have triggered the attack. ‘Wow, it burns fast.’ That meant Midoriya probably struggled to control this thirst, and that’s why he was pleading for him to leave him alone. But sorry, he couldn’t do that. ‘Fucker shouldn’t have run!’ One way or another he is getting his friend back home where he belonged. In fact, this only made his drive to find Midoriya stronger because he felt like he was partially to blame for the predicament his friend was in. The guy had to be scared, freaked out, and lonely. Bakugou’s heart clenched at the thought. He knew his friend was a social person by nature who loved being around friends and family. To be stuck out here all by himself and too frightened because of whatever this new quirk was had to be horrible… and utterly not fair. Of course, he did have a tendency to isolate himself when he feared…

Bakugou groaned. “Kami, not again with this shit!” When was Midoriya gonna learn to stop running away!

As his eyes relented to the fatigue and his mind slipped back into unconsciousness, Bakugou could only pray he’ll get a lead as soon as he got out of this hospital. This strange new quirk, if that’s really what it was, posed a serious danger not only to Midoriya, but the public. The reputation of pro hero’s had taken a major hit already because of AFO and the league, so if the public found out about a blood drinking hero attacking people… ‘I gotta get you out of here…’

After his encounter with Bakugou, Midoriya had rushed out of town as quickly as possible. Tears poured down his cheeks as he took off into the sky from having given in to the lust of this uncontrollable quirk. But he couldn’t stop it even if he’d wanted to. He’d learned the hard way right at the beginning that once it took hold of his mind, the only thing he could do was give-in or succumb to an even worse ravenous state that literally hurt. The pain of holding out on the hunger made him feel like a starved predatory animal that tore at his insides until he relented. In this state, the blood of any creature that came too close became a meal. But it was never enough. Animal blood didn’t satiate him in the same way that human blood did. Plus, he worried that if he let it get completely out of control, he might just end up killing someone. So far, he’d been lucky to leave them all unconscious but alive.

It was obvious that the light AFO had hit him with contained this strange quirk. How ironic, to take down a villain, only to be turned into one. That’s how Midoriya felt. How else could he feel? A hero wouldn’t hurt other people, so by taking the blood of others for sustenance, that made him a villain. Therefore, he couldn’t be a hero anymore. It must have been AFO’s plan all along once he’d realized he was losing. The villains end goal was to ruin hero society and this was definitely one way to do it. Take out his primary rival. The man poised to carry on a torch of safety and security, and snuff out any who chose to do harm… The whole situation with Bakugou really turned this into a nightmare out of body experience. To see his friend’s eyes suddenly show fear, then fade away the more he drank… his mouth clamped to the man’s neck… it was a horrible imagine that was sure to haunt him. He could still smell the burnt cinnamon from such a close encounter. If only he had clothes to change into or even a pond to bathe in, because that lingering scent was gonna drive him mad!

Midoriya curled up and clenched his eyes shut tight in an abandoned and overgrown castle he’d found outside of Ena. It didn’t look like it’s been maintained for a very long time, so the likelihood of a human showing up seemed low. He knew he should have travelled farther away, but he was too tired, too upset and just wanted to quit. All the years of growing up quirkless, to gain OFA and become the very thing he’d dreamt of, only for those dreams to be dashed again. It was as if life just didn’t want him to be a real hero. Maybe he should just put himself out of his misery, and yet— he couldn’t do it. To die out here alone where no one knew where he was or what had become of him, that wasn’t fair to his family and friends…

They must be so worried about him right now. His poor mother didn’t deserve any of this. Would his friends look down on him now? And All Might, his idol, who’d taken him under his wing, was he disappointed? And that just left Bakugou. He’d said the truth in answering the man’s question. No, Midoriya never would have expected him to come looking. Katsuki Bakugou giving a damn about him? Yeah, right. Bakugou wasn’t doing this because he cared. There was always a selfish reason behind his madness. Fear. Anger. Jealousy. Shouldn’t big bad Dynamight be thrilled that his biggest rival was gone?

Okay that was a big, fat white lie he’d been telling himself for the last two years. He knew Bakugou had moved past those pettier behaviors, but it was simply easier to believe and keep their relationship as rivals than to hope his childhood friend would ever see him as something else. And yet… ‘Kacchan was genuinely surprised by my answer. Did he really come looking for me because he cared that much?’ Yet in what way? Why was the man trying so hard? Did he… ‘miss me?’

Midoriya shook his head violently of those thoughts. No, no, he didn’t want to believe that because it would make this situation even more unbearable than it already was! He’d already given up everything he’d ever loved. His hopes and dreams, a future and losing an affection he’d craved for years would just simply be too much.

[slapshot-to-the-heart]

Breakable Heaven (pt. IV) - p.l. dubois

part I part II part III

Oh my gosh, I seriously can’t believe this little series has come to an end. I’m so so happy with how it’s turned out, and want to thank anyone who’s stuck with Laurel and Pierre-Luc throughout this month. It’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever done, and it’s yours to enjoy now. Please please let me know what you think of this part, what you think about the series - getting anon comments is amazing, my inbox is always open, and I LOVE reading tags. Reblog if you like what I’m putting out, it helps me know that!

Warning: Smut (It’s light, but it’s there, so no one under 18 please!)

Part IV (7.8k)

September 23 (thurs)

Laurel was running through the Toronto airport, her carry-on bag bouncing on the tile behind her as she frantically searched for her gate. Thank God Air Canada domestic flew from the international terminal; her layover was only an hour and ten minutes and even more time had been shaved off by a departure delay in Montréal. She had forgotten that flights from Toronto cleared U.S. Customs in Canada, and if she hadn’t been able to skip the line and slap her American passport on a kiosk reader she would have almost certainly missed her connection. 

No matter how many times Laurel had tried to insist on an economy ticket when she and Pierre were booking flights for her visits, he refused to cave. “They don’t include a checked bag in economy, but they do if you fly business,” he had said, shrugging, with a small smile on his face. “Baggage fees alone would make it pretty much a wash.” Laurel doubted that, and she doubted that she’d need a checked bag for a four-day trip, but her husband had made it clear that he wasn’t budging. 

So needless to say, she was more than a little bit out of breath as she finally arrived at Gate F66, which was conveniently almost as far away from her arrival gate as humanly possible while still being in the same terminal. She handed her boarding pass and passport to the gate agent, smiling apologetically as she hurried down the jetbridge. It was barely past noon, but there was nothing in the world Laurel wanted more than to sleep. Maintaining a full-time schedule at the hospital while also trying to organize a trip to Columbus that lasted more than two days meant she had to switch shifts. Normally, that wouldn’t be an issue; that week, however, the only open slot was the 12-hour overnight shift on Wednesday. Which meant that she’d been awake for some twenty hours straight, but almost all of that had been on her feet at work, or walking from the parking lot to the check-in counter in Montréal, or running through the halls of Pearson Airport in Toronto. She took her seat, half-listened to the safety briefing, and passed out as soon as her head hit the headrest. 

Much to her chagrin, the flight itself was only just over an hour, and she was really only able to get in a generous nap before their descent into Ohio. Sitting in the second row, she exited the plane in record time, flicking her phone off of airplane mode and waiting for a text from Pierre-Luc. At least she didn’t have to go through TSA again. He wrote back in record time, letting her know he’d be in his car at the curb right outside the terminal. She waited at baggage claim, grabbing her forest green suitcase; the same one she had when she’d moved to Toronto for university, fresh-faced and 18 and so, so unaware of what the world had in store for her. If only she could see herself now. Laurel ran her thumb along the side handle for a moment, pulling at a loose thread, before hefting it onto the floor and turning towards the sliding exit doors. 

As promised, Pierre was waiting right outside the door, flashing her a bright smile and throwing the driver’s side door open as soon as he saw her. “Welcome to Columbus, babe!” he exclaimed, wrapping Laurel into a deep hug and kissing her on the cheek. 

She laughed as the trunk popped open, each of them grabbing a suitcase. “It’s a little bit funny, don’t you think? That I’ve lived in the Midwest for almost my whole life and the first time I go to Ohio it’s because I’m living in Canada?”

“Maybe just a little bit,” Pierre said, holding his thumb and pointer finger about an inch apart. “I’m really happy you were able to come, though, Laurel. I got used to having you around.” His face was softer now, looking over at Laurel with an expression that wasn’t quite placable but seemed like it was somehow communicating so much in a single glance. 

“Me too,” Laurel replied. The ride to Pierre’s Columbus apartment took just over ten minutes, and Laurel was in the door, petting the dogs, before the clock struck 3:00. 

Pierre approached her from behind, his hands on her shoulders as he leaned around to kiss her on the cheek. “You want to take a nap?” he asked. “We’ve got that thing with the team at 7, and I know you’re probably running on fumes right now.” 

Laurel nodded, giving him a weary smile, dropping her bag on the floor of the master bedroom with an all-too-satisfying thump. “Nap sounds good.” 

---

The nap was good, so good, and Laurel woke up at half past 6 feeling like she’d just had the best sleep of her life. She yawned, rubbing her eyes, and looked around the room to see Pierre with his back towards her, buttoning up his shirt. He turned around, catching her eye, and grinned. “You like the view?” he asked, gesturing to his half-naked torso. 

Laurel rolled her eyes, pulling the sheets up to poorly conceal her embarrassment at being caught. “And if I do?”

She heard a loud laugh, peeking her head out from under. “I’d say my wife has every right to appreciate it.” He walked around the bed while fastening the last few buttons, holding his hand out for Laurel to take. “I let you sleep as long as I could, but we’re going to have to get going in fifteen minutes or so. I was told that ‘we’ve waited this long to meet her, the least you could do is get your damn wife to the party in time,’” he said, adding air quotes for emphasis. 

Laurel nodded, tossing back the covers and walking over to her suitcase, intending to rifle through the stacks of clothes to find something for the night’s festivities. Instead, she was greeted by an empty bag. She wheeled around to look at Pierre, who was sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck as he stared at her suitcase. “I unpacked your stuff,” he said, nodding over towards the spare dresser. “It’s in there. I’m sorry if that seems weird and I won’t do it again if you feel like that was pushing your boundaries, but I know for me when I’m on roadies I like to unpack, even if it’s just one night. Makes it feel more like home.”

Laurel was too overcome with how sweet the gesture was, small as it may have been, to realize that that meant he had touched four days worth of bras and underwear. It shouldn’t have bothered him anyways, and if he hadn’t said anything about it, it clearly hadn’t. So instead, she pulled him into a warm hug, standing on her tiptoes to bury her face in the crook of his neck. “Thank you, P. One less thing I have to do.” 

“You do still have to actually get dressed, though,” he added, giving her sleepwear an appreciative once-over. “Unless you’re planning on wearing that.” 

She let out a giggle. “As much as I love wearing a massive Cloquet High Lumberjacks t-shirt and no pants, somehow I don’t think that’s the move,” she said, ambling over towards the dresser. She found the tops on the first try, pulling out a wine-colored wrap shirt and grabbing the same pair of light-wash jeans she had worn on the plane. Pierre moved to duck out of the room, presumably to give her privacy to change. Laurel made a split-second decision to call after him. “You don’t have to leave.” Pierre stopped in his tracks.

Laurel slipped the shirt on, tying it in the front, and fastened her jeans. Mascara on and booties zippered, and she was good to go. “So what is this thing, anyways?” she asked Pierre as they drove to Foligno’s house. 

Pierre tilted his head. “Little bit of this, little bit of that. Half the typical beginning-of-the-year preseason party, half the wedding reception we never had. They were very insistent on bringing gifts, so be prepared.”

“Will do,” she said, laughing. “And by they, you mean…”

“Some of the guys, but mostly the wives and girlfriends. Their parties are the stuff of legends, so you can imagine how excited everyone was when I told them we never had a proper reception.”

“But they don’t know why we didn’t have a proper party,” Laurel reminded him. 

“About that…” Pierre started, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. 

Laurel froze, her thumb hovering over her phone screen, halfway through composing a text to Kristen. “Pierre,” she swallowed, her voice deadly soft, “did you tell someone?”

---

It was the Saturday before, and the team had gone out to celebrate the end of the first week of training camp. Sunday was an off day, so Saturday night found all the over-21s — and anyone who could get a good enough fake — at a bar in the city. Pierre had just crossed the line into tipsy, and as his captain was about to find out, tipsy Pierre was an oversharer. It was common enough for families to be a topic of discussion on nights out or in the locker room; that wasn’t the issue. The issue was that, as the old adage goes, drunk words are sober thoughts. And, if he was being honest, Pierre was still harboring some guilt from having to hide the truth of his and Laurel’s marriage from everyone, Nick included. Pierre hated that he couldn’t tell Nick the truth. He was his captain and his friend, and he felt the least he owed to him was not to lie. 

“It’s just so weird being away from Laurel, away from Montréal, for this long,” Pierre sighed. 

“Sure,” Nick said sympathetically, “but you said you’d been friends for a few years, so you’ve had feelings for her for a while, no? It’s obviously not ideal, but you’ve been away from her for longer.” 

Pierre turned towards Nick, some of his beer — his fourth of the night — spilling out of the cup. “Can I tell you a secret?” 

Nick rolled his eyes, thinking he was going to be hearing some dumb high school confession, that he had asked out a senior girl when he was a freshman, or filled his QMJHL captain’s gloves with shaving cream or something. He didn’t expect what he heard next. 

“We got married so she could stay in the country, for her permanent residency. I never met her before June.” 

Nick sucked in a breath. “You’re not fucking with me, are you?” 

“Nope.” 

“You realize how much trouble you guys could get into if they figure out, right?” he asked. 

Pierre nodded, looking down at his clasped hands nervously. “We both do. But you’re not going to tell anyone, right?” 

“No, of course not,” Nick said. “I trust you, and I know you and Laurel were just doing what you thought was the best and most logical thing given the circumstances.” Pierre let out a somber nod. “But,” he continued, “I feel like this whole...situation just leaves open the opportunity for things to get really messy really quickly.” 

“Messy how?” Pierre asked. 

Nick shifted uncomfortably in his chair, looking at a spot just beyond Pierre’s head. He didn’t want to, not really, but it was his job as Pierre’s captain — more importantly as his friend  — to make him consider every angle. “Someone catching feelings, one of you falling for the other, or God forbid, someone else. There’s already so much at stake in a ‘normal’ marriage, but yours just has added complications.” Pierre felt a twinge in his heart. He didn’t want to admit it, he really didn’t want to admit it, but Nick was right. “Do you love her?” Nick asked softly. 

Pierre sunk back into his chair. “I don’t know. She means a lot to me, more than I ever thought she would, but I don’t know. Plus, I have no clue how she feels about me, and I wouldn’t want to say something like that only to have her pull away.” 

“Did you guys talk about that?” he asked. 

“About what?” Pierre responded. 

“About what would happen if one of you caught feelings. Because I’m assuming it was supposed to, is supposed to, be a strictly platonic thing.” 

Pierre shrugged. “Not really. We didn’t like make a pact or anything, if that’s what you’re asking. We really didn’t talk much about it at all,” he said, finishing his beer. “I mean, obviously we agreed that we wouldn’t be seeing anyone else, dating or hooking up or anything like that. It was just too risky. But no, we never really addressed how we’d deal with it if one of us ended up...falling for each other. I guess it was just supposed to be a ‘we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it’ type of thing.” 

“And have you come to it?” Nick asked. 

“I don’t know.”

---

Pierre finished the story, hazarding a glance over to Laurel, who was wringing her hands as she looked out the windshield. “I’m not mad at you,” she said finally. “If Nick said he wouldn’t tell, I trust you when you say he won’t. One of us was bound to let it slip eventually.” 

He turned his eyes back towards the road, still feeling a pang of regret. She was almost being too good to him. “We’ll be okay,” he said, saying it just as much to himself as he did to her. 

Laurel gave him a small smile as they pulled into the Foligno’s house, parking on the stone-paved driveway. “We will be.”

Janelle opened the door practically the second after they knocked, greeting Pierre and Laurel with warm hugs. “Laurel, it’s so wonderful to finally meet you,” she said, squeezing her hand. “We know how hard it is to find the time off and make the trip down, and everyone’s excited to see you.” She led them through the entryway to the living room, where Laurel was passed around to some twenty-odd players and their partners, where she introduced herself over and over again as “Pierre’s wife, yes the nurse from Minnesota who none of you knew existed.” 

Dinner was a barbeque outside, Nick, Pierre, and some of the others manning the three grills as Laurel helped set up the drinks table. He held her hand under the table as they ate, his thumb gently rubbing across her thigh every so often in reassurance. “You good?” he murmured in his ear as Laurel sipped a beer, half-listening to some story Korpi was telling about a near-miss incident with a water ski back in Finland during the summer. 

Laurel nodded, squeezing his fingers. “I’m good.”

Plates were cleared, dishes were washed, and everyone was herded into Nick and Janelle’s enormous family room, where a small mountain of wrapped boxes and bags sat in the far corner. “I don’t know if you know this,” Janelle said conspiratorially as Laurel sat down, “but NHLers make more than a little money.” 

She laughed. “So I’ve been told.”

“Which means that, clueless though they may be, you’re going to be getting some very nice presents.” 

And very nice presents they were. A wine club membership, a set of dutch ovens from Seth — “It was my mom’s suggestion”  — Jones, an espresso machine from Boone, a set of matching, personalized dog bowls for Phil, Georgia, and Piper. Laurel honestly wasn’t sure how it was all going to fit in the car, let alone how she was going to manage to stay under the baggage limit on her way back to Canada, but the thought and kindness that went into each gift was what really made it special. 

“From me and the other girls,” Janelle said, passing Laurel a bag. 

“Oh, this is too much,” Laurel said. “You already got the knives and the mixer, I don’t need anything else.”

Cam’s wife, Natalie, shrugged. “Would it help if we made it, didn’t buy it?”

Laurel’s brow furrowed in confusion, her fingers moving to undo the ribbon that tied the handles together, taking out the tissue paper. “Oh!” she gasped quietly as she pulled out a denim jacket, a Blue Jackets logo ironed onto the back, Dubois embroidered where a name bar would be. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“You’re still a part of the family,” Natalie said, smiling. “Even if you’re not here all the time. We want you to feel as included as anyone else.”  

Laurel folded up the jacket carefully, tucking it back in the bag as Josh walked up to Pierre, holding out a small box, clearly wrapped by himself. “Well now I just feel silly.”

Pierre shook his head, smiling at his friend. “Don’t, Josh. I’m sure we’ll love it.” He thumbed open the folds on the wrapping paper, setting it aside before pulling off the top of the box. He fell silent. 

Laurel peeked over, trying to catch a glimpse of the box’s contents. “What is it, P?”

Instead of answering, Pierre just held the box upside-down. Condoms of all colors and sizes rained down onto the hardwood floor as Pierre stared at Josh, clearly trying very hard not to laugh. The side of his mouth twitched. “Interesting choice of gift, you don’t think?” he asked.

Josh shrugged helplessly, his cheeks red. “It’s practical?”

 November 28 (sun)

 Laurel caught every Blue Jackets game she could on the TV, even the ones in early November when Pierre was out for a few games with a mild concussion. She was his wife, but she was also a nurse, and made sure to get daily updates on his condition, restraining herself from FaceTiming him to help limit his amount of daily screen time. But he had been back for a few weeks, making second star of the night with a goal and an assist, so naturally he was pulled away for a few postgame interviews. 

Laurel watched the screen, trying not to get distracted by the sweat drenching his Underarmour. Reporters, the good ones at least, were usually considerate with steering clear of asking personal questions, but sometimes an injury, or the birth of a child, or, as luck would have it, a wedding, begged an answer. “So, Pierre, I think a lot of us were surprised to see you announce on Instagram that you had gotten married this summer. Congratulations, by the way,” the journalist from the Dispatch said. 

“Thanks,” Pierre replied, smiling. 

“And I hope I speak for everyone here when saying that we entirely respect you and your wife’s decision to keep things quiet and announce it in a much more subdued fashion than usual. Players often speak a lot about how integral support from family and friends is, and just how important it is to have that kind of a support system in place.” Pierre could see where the question was going. “Obviously you’ve got the boys down here, but it doesn’t look like your wife Laurel is based in Columbus like you are. Is there a reason for that, and do you think that’s affected your game?” 

Pierre sucked in a breath; it was a fair question, and a reasonable assumption to make, but that didn’t mean he liked answering it any more. But it was almost suspicious how quickly he had an answer. “Uh, yeah, it’s been interesting for us to have to navigate. You’re right, Laurel’s back in Montréal, she spends most of her time at our place in the city. She’s a nurse in the intensive care unit of CHU Saint-Justine, so she does pediatrics there. She loves what she does, and she’s so good at it, and it just wouldn’t be right of me to ever ask or expect her to leave on my account. I know we’ve got a great hospital at Nationwide Children’s, but she loves where she is. We both do. So yeah, it’s rough being away sometimes, but luckily she’s able to move shifts around and make it down twice a month or so when we’re not on the road. But we keep in contact daily, obviously, and I’m able to lean on the guys, especially the other married ones, on how to deal with the stress of being away for so long. But it’s rough. I miss my wife,” Pierre finished. 

Laurel clicked the remote, turning the TV off, her hand scratching behind Piper’s ears, and tried not to replay his words in her mind as she crawled into bed and fell asleep. 

 December 18 (sat)

 Laurel stumbled through the door of Pierre’s Columbus apartment, laughing breathlessly as she tried to lock the deadbolt. “You need some help there, L?” Pierre asked, raising one eyebrow. 

“I’m good,” Laurel said, taking two more tries before it would actually lock. The eggnog from the Christmas party was starting to take its toll; Pierre had agreed to be the pair’s designated driver for the night, so she had had maybe a glass too many. The night had genuinely been so much fun, Laurel had initially been worried at how well she might fit in with the group in a more casual situation. As much as she loved being able to hang out with the team and the other WAGs when she was in Ohio — and she did — she couldn’t help but be nervous that she didn’t have the same level of camaraderie that could help turn a night from good to great. Laurel couldn’t have been happier to be wrong. She was embraced from the moment she walked in the door, a glass of wine pushed into her hand and her Secret Santa gift deposited on the entryway table. 

Laurel used to always roll her eyes at the idea that “time flies when you’re having fun,” but that couldn’t have been more true for the party. It seemed like only minutes had passed, but suddenly it was almost midnight, and the couples with kids had to head home to relieve the babysitters, and Laurel and Pierre were headed home. 

“Let’s get some water in you, no?” Pierre murmured, walking to the kitchen and opening the cupboard. 

“Thanks,” Laurel said softly as she took the glass from him, kicking off her shoes and tucking her feet under her on the couch. 

Pierre perched on the arm, absentmindedly playing with his watch. But while a tipsy Pierre was an oversharer, a tipsy Laurel was always emotional in one fashion or another. “How’d you like the party?”

“It was great,” Laurel said. “I’m not sure why Alexandre thought I’d be into a Blue Jackets scarf, but I guess it’s the thought that counts?” She pulled the offending object out of her bag, running her fingers through the fringe on the edge. “Seeing how amazing so many of those couples are, Janelle and Nick especially, it was awesome…” She trailed off. “But it was hard.”

His brow furrowed. Why would it be hard? “How so?”

“I always thought that, when I got married, it would be once and that was it.” She screwed her eyes shut. “And that’s not to mean I’m not grateful for what you’ve done, it’s so incredible and goes so far beyond just plain kindness. I just thought it would be a forever thing.”

Pierre’s heart dropped. Of course she’d feel like that. If marriage was something she wanted to take that seriously, how could she not feel like she was cheapening its meaning by treating it as nothing more than an arrangement of convenience? It wasn’t even like he felt any differently; hockey was obviously still his first priority most of the time, but he’d always seen himself as someone who wanted to settle down and have a family one day. He guessed that he just hadn’t let himself think about it. “Laurel,” he said quietly, reaching out to her. But she wasn’t done. 

“It’s just,” Laurel sighed, one hand tugging on her hair, tears threatening to escape her eyes, “knowing this is all temporary. Knowing that in a couple of y-years, when I g-get my citizenship and we get d-divorced, this is all going to end,” she said, hiccuping through her words. “I won’t be able to come to your Christmas parties and fly down for games and sit up in the WAG box with my friends and that jacket and a jersey with your name on it. I won’t be able to do any of that any more because it wasn’t real, it wasn’t ever real, and that fucking kills me inside, P.” Laurel sat on the corner of the couch, a spot as precarious as the words tumbling out of her mouth. 

“Why?” Pierre asked, even though if he was honest, he’d stake his career on the belief that he already knew the answer. “Why would it hurt so bad?” His voice was so quiet that if Laurel hadn’t been sitting two feet away, she wouldn’t have heard. 

“Because I’m fucking in love with you,” she whispered. “And that’s the single most terrifying sentence I’ve ever said in my life.” Even though Pierre somehow knew that’s what she was going to say all along, it didn’t stop her words from stealing the breath out of his lungs. Laurel looked up at him through her tears, her eyes beginning to redden. “Say something, please, P.”

Pierre knelt in front of her, his thumb resting gently on her cheek, wiping away her tears. “God, Laur, how could I not be in love with you?” She blinked rapidly at him, trying to process the words that were coming out of his mouth. “I wasn’t lying when I said you were one of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. You’re so caring, not just for me, but for everyone in your life. You’d give a stranger the shirt off of your back. You’re probably the smartest person I know, way smarter than me.” A giggle escaped Laurel’s mouth. “The dedication you show to everything in your life is amazing. At your job, you treat every patient like they were your own sibling or your own child. You make the trip down to Columbus once a month, twice a month. That’s not easy, all the flight time and having to leave Piper and switching shifts around so we can see each other. You’re gorgeous, not just on the outside — though you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen — but the light in your eyes when you talk about a new book you read, or how happy you look when you let me taste a new recipe you’re trying, or how passionate you get when you see something wrong and know there’s something you need to do to change it. So what if we’re doing things a little backwards? First comes marriage, then comes love.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I fell in love with you awhile ago. I think it just took me a second to realize it.”

 January 26 (wed)

 Laurel thought the distance and space between them would be easier now that she knew how he felt, now that they both knew how they felt. She couldn’t have been more wrong. So the All-Star break, and the Blue Jackets’ bye week, couldn’t have come at a better time. Pierre had made plans for the break a few months earlier, but after everything that happened over Christmas, it didn’t seem right to ditch Laurel for a boy’s trip with Alexandre and Seth. So Hilton Head was traded in for Saint Lucia, and his teammates were traded in for his wife. And he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

Laurel was using three of her paid vacation days and Pierre was able to make the schedule work just right to get five nights in the Carribean. “A belated honeymoon, if you will,” he had said, cracking a grin over FaceTime as they booked the flights. The flight from Columbus was much less straightforward than hers from Montréal, but by a chance airline scheduling his first layover was in Toronto. Laurel met him at the gate, hauling her own green suitcase behind her as he flung his arms around her, kissing her with everything he had in him. They may have missed the not-so-subtle fans taking pictures that later circulated around Twitter that may or may not have led to some grade A chirping in the team’s group chat. But Pierre didn’t care. He cared that for a few days, he could forget about the stress of hockey and trying to make a playoff run and all the rumors floating around and just be with his wife. And, Pierre thought as they walked through the airport door into the Carribean sun, there really wasn’t anything else he wanted. 

They hailed a taxi, the twenty minute drive to their resort rushing by in a blur of palm trees and seas so blue Laurel thought she could fall into them just by looking. Pierre jogged into the main office to check them in, coming back with their key cards before the taxi continued on its way, dropping them off in front of their villa. Laurel spun slowly as they got out of the car, smiling up at the sky as Pierre pressed a few bills into the taxi driver’s hand with a nod of thanks. “You okay there?” he asked with a grin. 

“It’s so warm,” Laurel said in wonderment. Even in January, the weather in Saint Lucia hovered in the mid-70s, a far cry from the twenties and teens of a Montréal winter. Laurel was no stranger to the cold — Cloquet had seen temperatures pushing thirty below when Laurel was in high school — but the idea that she could be somewhere and wear shorts while it was snowing in her hometown was a concept so novel she hadn’t quite grasped it yet. 

He nodded, looking at Laurel with a gaze so soft she thought her heart would maybe burst. “We’re in the Caribbean, L. It’s warm all the time.” 

She rolled her eyes, bending over to get her suitcase, but not before Pierre snatched it up himself, holding the key card between two fingers. “Are you going to just stand there, or do you want to check out our honeymoon suite?” Laurel’s words dripped with suggestiveness, her sandal-clad feet dragging their way up the path to the villa with tantalizing languor. 

“Coming.” 

Even after the six months of their marriage, and even after everything that happened over the holidays, they hadn’t had sex. They’d gotten close a few times, both on her trip in December and in ones since, but never managed to go all the way. First Laurel needed a new birth control prescription — the last thing she would do would be have sex without being extra safe about it — and then she was too tired after a night out, and another time Pierre had scored a hat trick and they had partied way too hard to even think about sex. So needless to say, it had been a while for Laurel since she’d gotten release by any hands other than her own, and even longer for Pierre. And it certainly wasn’t because she didn’t want to. Laurel was well aware that her husband was hot as fuck, and she’d be lying if some of her lonelier nights weren’t filled with thoughts of exactly what she wanted him to do to her. But it felt different than any of her other relationships. Obviously, it felt different, she hadn’t been married to Oliver or Ryan or Carter. And that didn’t mean she wasn’t invested in those, but just that the stakes were so much higher and she had fallen so much harder for Pierre than she ever thought imaginable. She didn’t want to have sex with him until she was sure. Sure that it was going somewhere, sure that it would last, sure that he loved her in the same way that made her heart ache every time he dropped her off at Columbus International Airport. 

---

By the time they had unpacked, eaten, and gotten a few rum punches in their system, it was well past 7 and the sun had long since set. Laurel peeked out the door onto their balcony, nodding at the private plunge pool. “We’ve got quite the setup here.”

She walked over to the dresser, grabbing a swimsuit out and crossing over to the bathroom, her hand hovering over the knob. “Just something to think about.” Pierre put his swim trunks on in record time. Laurel padded out of the bathroom, the top straps of her bikini dangling, the swell of her breasts peeking above the cups. “Do me up?” she asked. 

Pierre’s fingers brushed the baby hairs at the base of her neck as he tied the straps of her white-hot bikini. “Sure you don’t want to go out to the beach?” 

Their villa came with a stretch of beachfront, and it seemed like such a shame to let it go to waste. Laurel shook her head, a smile playing on the edge of her lips. “We’ve got a couple of days to enjoy the beach. I’d like to stay somewhere a little more...secluded.” She bit her lip as she opened the door to the balcony, dipping her toes in the pool and sighing at the warmth of the water. Laurel looked back at Pierre, one eyebrow raised. “You coming?” Pierre couldn’t follow fast enough. 

They stayed in the water for a while, lazily kissing and staring at the stars and sipping drinks that had lost their potency hours ago, but neither of them really cared much. Sometime during the night, Laurel had made her way onto Pierre’s lap, where she reached over to the balcony, lofting herself out of the pool and wrapping a scarf around her body. “Getting a little cold,” she said, bending down and giving him a soft kisss. She walked into the room, drying herself off; he followed. Laurel threw the towel over a chair in the corner of the room, walking over towards Pierre, stopping when their noses were almost touching.

Laurel’s wrap fell from her shoulders, pooling on the wood floor. Pierre’s hand skated up her arm to rest on her cheek. He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. She stood on her tiptoes as her left hand tangled in his hair, her right pressed against the back of his neck. She whimpered into his mouth; it took everything in Pierre’s power to keep the blood from rushing south. The kiss got more frantic, tongue and teeth clashing against each other as he walked her back to the bed. The back of her knees bumped up against the edge. 

Pierre pulled away slightly, letting out a moan as he saw Laurel’s face. Her lips were puffy from kissing, her chest heaving with the force of her breath, and her wild hair had long since been taken out of its ponytail. In other words, Pierre was convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that Laurel, in that moment, was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. “You sure you want to do this?” Pierre murmured. He wanted to. God, he wanted to. But he’d never do anything without making sure that she was absolutely comfortable. Laurel nodded, biting her lip. “I need to hear you say it, babe,” Pierre said, taking a step forward, their noses almost touching. 

“I want you to ruin me.”

Pierre audibly groaned, capturing her lips in his before throwing her back on the bed, his hand moving to her back to undo the tie of her bikini top as his lips trailed down her neck. He threw the top off to one side, paying exactly zero attention to where it landed, as his hands slid up her waist to cup her breasts, his thumbs ghosting over her sensitive nipples. Laurel’s breath hitched in her throat. “You like that, baby?”

“Mhm,” Laurel whimpered, unable to form a complete sentence. 

He smirked, lowering his mouth to her chest, flicking his tongue over her right nipple as his hand pinched her left. The air was filled with breathless sighs from them both until Pierre’s hands left her breasts. Laurel whined in protest until she felt his fingers toying with her bikini bottoms, his head lifting just enough so that his eyes could meet hers. “This okay?”

It was all Laurel could do to choke out a single word. “Please.”

Pierre pulled them down her legs, kissing down, down to her hips, down to her inner thighs, down to everywhere except for where she needed him. “You need something, Laurel?” Pierre asked, his voice dripping with sex. 

Laurel groaned, not wanting to give in but also knowing that Pierre could stay where he was for hours if it meant teasing her. “Your mouth.” 

“As you wish.” And then his tongue was on her, and in her, and she couldn’t help but let out a moan. And Pierre was loving every second of it. He stayed down there for a while, long enough to finish her twice. 

Laurel pushed on his shoulder, trying to get him to turn on his back so she could return the favor. Pierre shook his head as he shucked his shorts off, pulling her head down to kiss her roughly. “I’m going to cum right here if I don’t get inside you in the next two minutes, babe.” He reached over to the nightstand, grabbing a condom. “Guess I’ll have to thank Josh for these when we get back home.”

She raised one eyebrow, clearly unamused. “If you do that, I can promise you I’ll never put your dick in my mouth. Not now, not ever.”

Pierre held his hands up in surrender, the foil packet shining between two fingers. “Alright, alright. I won’t.” He paused just before bringing the wrapper up to his teeth. “You want this?”

Laurel nodded frantically as he rolled the condom down his length. He looked so hard it was painful. “So bad.” He leaned down to kiss her, propped up on one arm as he pushed into her, hair falling into his face as he closed his eyes. He was too blissed out to be able to focus on anything other than how good she felt around him, how tight and warm and how well she fit, like Laurel Elizabeth Klerken was made for him and him alone. 

“More,” Laurel cried softly, and that was all it took for Pierre to grab one of her legs, throwing it around his hips as he increased his pace, head dropping to her neck as he nipped at her pulse points. It didn’t take long for Pierre to reach his high, Laurel right behind him. He pressed a sweet kiss to her forehead before getting up from the bed, going into the bathroom to tie off the condom and grab a washcloth. He cleaned up between her legs as Laurel lay there, trying to steady her breathing, absolutely spent from the night’s three orgasms. “Why didn’t we do that earlier?” Laurel murmured. 

Pierre laughed, throwing the cloth in the laundry basket and tilting down to press a kiss to the crown of her head. “I don’t know. But it was worth it.”

 February 20 (mon)

 Laurel had learned early on in her relationship with Pierre that she couldn’t put much stock into what was said on Twitter. Or Instagram, or any social media for that matter. So much was speculation: about draft picks, about trade rumors, about Pierre-Luc Dubois’ secret wife, that it just wasn’t useful or healthy for her so spend much time looking around. She still had her accounts, but Instagram was the only one she went on with any regularity nowadays. And she rarely checked her phone during the work day anyways; unless it was an unusually slow day  — which was never a good sign in the medical world — the only time she was even able to spare a glance was during her lunch break or when she’d run to the bathroom. So when her phone buzzed with a text from Pierre as she sat at the nurses’ station, her brow furrowed as she unlocked the screen. 

Are you free right now? I need to call you. 

Laurel bit her lip, nerves threatening to boil over. He knew her schedule, he knew she was at work. What could be so important that it couldn’t wait? Are you okay? Did something happen?

He typed a response as soon as her text showed as delivered.  I’m not hurt, it’s not bad, really, I just need to tell you something and I don’t want to have to do it over text. 

Laurel checked her watch. 11:18. It was early for a lunch break, but as long as she wasn’t needed, she could take her half hour any time between 11 and 1. She caught the eye of her charge nurse. “Claudette? I’m taking my lunch if that’s alright with you.” Claudette nodded, and Laurel quickly made her way to the locker room to grab her leftover pasta, texting Pierre on the way. Headed to the changing room now. Are you going to tell me what this is about?

Her phone rang a minute later, when she had just closed the door. She tapped the green button. “You’re going to have to tell me what’s going on here, P, because I’m kind of freaking out,” Laurel said, laughing nervously. “You don’t tell a girl what to expect, she starts assuming the worst.”

Pierre let out a heavy breath. She could imagine him running a hand through his hair on the other end. “I know, and I’m sorry if I worried you. I just needed to tell you before it breaks.”

“Before what breaks, Pierre?” Laurel’s anxiety was coming to a head. 

“I’m coming home.”

Laurel screwed her eyes shut, even more confused than she was before. “Yeah, Pierre, I know you’re playing here next week. Why would that be news?” 

“When’s the trade deadline, Laurel?”

“Last Monday in February, but I don’t see what that has…” She pulled the phone away from her ear, looking down at the screen, eyes locking on the date. “You got traded?” 

She could imagine him sitting down on the edge of his couch, one hand dangling off the side, Georgia trying to jump up and goad him into giving her a pet or two. “They’re breaking it right before the noon deadline, but you deserved to know before everyone else did. You needed to know.”

Laurel leaned up against her locker, hand over her mouth. “You’re coming to Montréal?” She had seen it mentioned offhand on a few Twitter accounts she followed the handful of times she had logged on in the past week, but nobody thought it would actually happen. Even the concept of trading him seemed so far-fetched with the type of season he was having in Columbus. He was sitting near 30 goals and 40 assists, with one of the best plus-minus scores on the team. It just didn’t make sense. 

“As of twenty minutes ago, I’m officially a Montréal Canadien,” Pierre answered. 

“Oh God,” Laurel said, sympathy lacing her voice. She couldn’t let herself be excited, wouldn’t let herself be excited, until she knew exactly how Pierre felt about it. He had just been uprooted from the team that drafted him, where he’d played for four seasons and made friends and where everyone saw him as the future of the franchise. 

Pierre let out a single laugh. “They let me know what the deal was, apparently Montréal really wanted me. First round pick next year, a second-year defenseman, some prospect from Laval.”

Laurel settled on the bench, tucking the phone under her chin. “Of course they really wanted you, P. You’re an incredible player, you’d be an asset to any team and you’re going to do great things in Montréal.” She paused. “But how are you feeling about the move? I know it’s not what you were expecting. Or what anyone was expecting, really.”

“It���s weird,” Pierre said after a moment. “Obviously yeah, I won’t lie, it’s a shock. But almost every player, even the really good ones, get traded at one point or another. Gretzky was traded to L.A.”

“Are you comparing yourself to Gretzky?” Laurel asked playfully. 

“No,” Pierre chuckled. “But just trying to remind myself that it was almost inevitable. I’m allowed to be sad about it — and I am, it’s going to fucking suck leaving the boys — but I’m not as torn up as I thought I’d be if this ever happened.” He felt more than a little bad about it, but his first thought when his agent called and broke the news wasn’t sadness, it wasn’t despair at having to leave the team he had been brought up in and the men he considered his brothers. It was relief. Relief that he could be closer to his family, relief that he’d be back with Laurel, relief that he was going home. “And hey,” he said, catching Laurel’s attention. “You know what?”

Laurel rolled her eyes. “What?”

“I don’t even have to marry someone to move.”

---

Pierre’s flight got in late Tuesday night, just after Laurel’s shift at the hospital had ended. He had said he wouldn’t mind taking an Uber home so she didn’t have to rush over and stress about traffic, but Laurel didn’t care. She wanted to be at the airport to pick up her husband, even if it meant she’d still be in her scrubs doing it. 

She saw him exiting the sliding doors of the international terminal before she even turned the corner, practically slamming her car into park as soon as she hit the curb. Pierre dropped his bags when her car door opened, paying no attention to the thump of the suitcases as they hit the ground or the wandering eyes of passersby. Airports hadn’t always been his favorite place. They meant leaving the people he loved, going away from what was warm and familiar and safe. They usually meant uncertainty. But that had changed, Pierre thought, as his wife jumped into his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist as their lips met. Airports might just have become one of his favorite places. He pulled back from the kiss, their foreheads just barely touching. “Hi,” he said. 

Laurel smiled, the kind of smile that lit up rooms and made crying babies giggle and that Pierre was pretty sure was his favorite thing he’d ever seen in the world. “Welcome home.”

[imaginethathaikyuu]

kenma angst part 2 (for lack of a better title)

ok. this is the scenario that ive by far gotten the most requests for. at least 40 different requests for this by now. and after finally writing a good scenario after 2 failed attempts, here it is. ur welcome.

i feel like i have to mention that this was very inspired by the song 12 feet deep by the front bottoms in a very specific way (that ull probably notice if u know/listen to the song) so yeah give it a listen, its a good one

and of course this is a part two, so please read part one first!  gender neutral reader

-

Kenma was sinking. 

It was nearing 4 am. He was laying in his bed, the place he’d quickly determined to be the only good place left in the entire world.

He was drowning. 

He couldn’t stop staring at his phone. At your text messages. At your number. 

As if it was a spur of the moment decision and not something he’d been mulling over for hours, he pressed call. Put the phone on speaker. Wiped the last shred of tears from his face. 

“Hello?” 

But his eyes were filling up again. 

“Kenma?” 

He was sinking and sinking deeper and deeper and you were the one holding him under. 

“What do you want?” 

“To hear your voice,” he choked out, gasping for air that refused to fill his lungs. 

That’s probably the most honest he’d been with you in weeks. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t a good excuse anymore, waking you up at 4 am just to hear your voice. 

But it’d been a week since he last heard you. He thought you’d be able to pull him out of the sinkhole he’d left himself in. 

He was probably better off not calling at all, though. 

“Okay. I’m hanging up now.” 

And then you did.

Kenma had rarely felt this angry at himself. And he’d never felt so pitiful. 

He knew he shouldn’t bother you. That if he wanted to fix things, he had to stop being so damn childish, irresponsible, lazy. He couldn’t just call you like he used to and expect you to laugh it off. He couldn’t pretend that everything was normal. 

He also knew that it wasn’t likely he’d get you back. Even if he explained himself and begged you to understand, words could only do so much. 

Everything seemed to change for Kenma in the last week, more than he was comfortable with. And he wanted to change it back to the way things used to be. He wanted to make you happy again, to see you in his clothes again, to sleep in your bed again. Most of all, he just wanted to have you again. 

While his life has been nothing short of unpredictable, there was one thing Kenma could still rely on. 

“Get up, Kenma!” 

And that’s Kuroo showing up at his dorm and beating down his door at 5:3o every morning. 

Coincidentally, that was the one thing he wanted to change. 

Kuroo had no regard for Kenma’s neighbors, something the boy learned when this routine began a few weeks ago. Morning practice now started at 6 instead of 8 - he had Kuroo to blame for that, as he basically made the new schedule. 

“I’m up,” Kenma said to him after answering the door, making sure not to mention that he hadn’t even been to sleep. 

Kuroo pushed him aside and invited himself in. “Practice in 30.” 

“You don’t have to tell me that.” 

He stumbled to his dresser and put on his tracksuit, struggling to stand on his own two feet. He was completely exhausted thanks to getting no sleep - after calling you, there was no way he was able to rest. 

“C’mon, let’s go, we’re jogging to the gym.”

Kuroo grabbed Kenma by the shoulder and pulled him out of his dorm without waiting for his response. Kenma didn’t really jog, he just walked kind of quickly while Kuroo did all the running. 

“You found my hoodie yet?” 

Kenma took a deep breath. “Yeah.” 

“Dude! Can I have it back already? I swear I’m never letting you steal my clothes again.” 

His fast walking slowed down. Kuroo started jogging backwards so he could face Kenma, feeling concerned about the silence. This didn’t feel like Kenma’s usual quietness. 

“I don’t have it,” he replied simply, hoping to leave it at that. 

“Well it’s in your dorm, right? Just bring it to -”

“No,” Kenma interrupted, “It’s not in my dorm. I don’t have it.” 

Kuroo scoffed. “Where is it then? You just want to keep it, don’t you?” 

Of course Kuroo wouldn’t let him get away without actually explaining himself. 

“Y/N has it.” 

“Oh.” Kuroo cleared his throat in that awkward way a dad would, then he turned back around and Kenma thought that was it.

 Of course it wasn’t. “Sounds like a good excuse to go talk to - ” 

“No.” 

“We’re going to Y/N’s dorm after practice -”

“No.” 

“I’m getting my hoodie back, and you’re getting Y/N back.” 

To that, Kenma didn’t say no.

-

You were visibly taken aback when you opened your door to see your ex boyfriend and his best friend staring back at you. 

“Good morning, Y/N,” Kuroo said, his voice booming through the hall. 

“Hi?” 

Kuroo elbowed Kenma in his side, offering a, “go on,” of encouragement. 

“Uh…” 

He couldn’t look up at you. Just hearing your voice in person was enough to make his heart skip a beat. If he looked at you, he’d probably break down crying and then beg you to take him back. 

He didn’t know why it was so easy for Kuroo to convince him to do this. 

“Remember that hoodie…?” 

You scoffed before disappearing into your dorm for just a moment, reappearing to shove the sweatshirt into Kenma’s chest. 

“Actually, that’s mine,” Kuroo said, taking it from him. “Sorry for the inconvenience. But my mom got me this hoodie. And then Kenma stole it.” 

“I just forgot it was yours,” Kenma said quietly, trying his best to defend himself. 

But it did help you realize why Kenma asked to have it back. You felt kind of silly now knowing that it wasn’t even his. 

Kuroo, ignoring Kema, gave him a strong pat on the back and said, “Is there anything else you want to say to Y/N?” 

Kenma hated this. He hated when Kuroo treated him like a kid. He hated knowing that you were standing right in front of him but he couldn’t hold your hand or play with your hair or even look up at you. He hated that he allowed himself to lose his best friend. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, even though he felt himself slipping, sinking, drowning, just like he had last night. “I’m really, really sorry, for… for making you think that I don’t want you and for keeping things from you and for being late to lunch and for calling you last night -” 

He took a deep breath, one that did nothing to calm him down but forced him to stop rambling to you, which he’s already embarrassed about. 

But he’s here, so he should probably be honest while he can. And he should probably look at you while he still has the chance. 

“I really miss you,” he said. His tears were clouding his vision but he still saw you. You were wearing an old shirt he bought for you in high school and a necklace he’d never seen before and your hair was a mess in his favorite way. You had obviously just woken up - what he wouldn’t give to have woken up next to you this morning could be counted on one hand. 

Kuroo’s loud voice seemed to assault his ears when he said, “I’ll leave you guys to it. You know where to find me, alright?” 

Kenma knew what that meant. What he meant to say is, ‘I’ll be there for you when you get your heart broken.’ 

Kuroo left while cradling his hoodie, and Kenma decided he probably should have just told him to wait outside for him. He didn’t have very high hopes for the rest of this conversation. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, wiping his eyes and looking back down to the ground. “I shouldn’t have done -” 

“I miss you too.” 

You said it so quietly that he almost missed it, but his heart did backflips when you said it. 

“But I don’t miss how you’ve been acting.” 

And then it sank again. 

“I know,” he replied. “It’s just… volleyball and class have both been a lot, and…” 

He didn’t really have an excuse. What he said was true, volleyball has been a lot. The new schedule was getting the best of him, the extra practice wasn’t treating him well. And he was really struggling to stay afloat in his academics. 

He didn’t know if he could be better. He knew that right now, he could make promises he’d probably break and sweet talk his way into getting temporary forgiveness for his own sake. And if he did that, he’d probably hurt you again. 

But if he didn’t at least try to be better for you, he would regret it forever. There was no excuse to just let you go. He was going to try for you, for himself, for the years you two have been together. He couldn’t let that time go to waste. 

He wasn’t going to make excuses or empty promises. 

“I want to try,” he started, standing up straight and doing his best to face you. “I want to try to be better for you, I…” 

“Kenma…” 

“I know,” he said, feeling an extra spark of courage though he had no clue where it was coming from. “I know I don’t deserve it and that this is probably a waste of time but - but I love you and I have to try, please let me try.”

“...Okay, Kenma.” 

“Okay?” 

For the first time in a week he could finally breathe. He could take a breath without feeling weighed down. The pressure on his chest finally lifted. 

“I want to try, too,” you said, albeit sadly. “I miss you. So much.” 

And then you couldn’t help stepping out of the doorway and falling against Kenma’s chest, and he happily pulled you closer to him. It was only then that he realized he was still standing out in the hall, but you were in his arms again and he didn’t care if anyone saw. 

“I’ll get better at managing my time…” he mumbled to you. “I will.” 

Your response was a nod, and Kenma managed a small smile. 

But his exhaustion was setting in. As much as he wanted to stand there forever, he was about to fall over. 

“Y/N?” he whispered. “Can we…”

You were sure he was going to finish that sentence with something disappointing, something that would ruin the moment. Maybe even something uncharacteristically lewd.

“...take a nap?” 

But you were relieved to see Kenma was actually acting like himself. With a soft laugh you said, “Yeah, we can.” And when he got into your room and fell into your bed, he pulled you as close as you could be before melting into your sheets. 

Your bed was definitely the best place in the world, and he wasn’t going to lose it - or you - again. Sleeping next to you felt too good to go without.

[ussjellyfish]

Felix’s birth story

So I never wrote this out after he was born, or last year, and this year, my little gentleman is 2, and it seems like the time to tell it.

So, Felix’s birth story under the cut. (unmedicated vaginal delivery, really almost boring).

Felix’s due date was January 14th, and he was born on January 14th. I went for a walk the night before, and it was cold, really cold (-25C ish), and really beautiful and icy.

After midnight I had contractions, and I don’t think I could have said what a contraction was before I had them, but when I had them, it was obvious. (so that was nice!)

And they didn’t hurt at first, they were kind of consuming and tight and I couldn’t sleep through them. I did try to sleep. I lay there in the dark and listened to Drastic Measures (Star Trek Discovery) on audiobook because I had that on my phone and it didn’t take any effort.

My cats came and slept on me and it was actually kind of nice (but weird, intimidating because at some point it was going to hurt and be more intense and I wasn’t quite ready and when do you actually go to the hospital (I didn’t want to go early and be bored).

My water broke at around 430am, and it was weirdly just like they tell you. A pop kind of and gush, like I’d suddenly peed my pants without feeling like peeing.

I got up, I took off my pajamas, I put towels on my bed and then I couldn’t sleep anymore. I hadn’t bothered to time anything, I hadn’t looked at my phone, and I remember leaning on his crib, dancing around a little because they were pretty tight and wondering if I should use the contraction timer (which I hadn’t even looked at but I did have on my phone).

So I did that for about half an hour and I remember staring at the times thinking “these are too close together, I should wait until they are further apart and then go” They’d said around 5 minutes apart, you could head in.

Mine were three minutes or less apart then, and they lasted almost a minute. They hurt, a little, like my whole belly was tightening up and almost bouncing down? Very weird. Truly a unique experience.

So I woke up my mom after 5 and told her to walk the dog. She was staying with me with her rather annoying dog and my mom’s rather annoying so I wasn’t thrilled. We already had the car seat in the car and I had a bag (which included my star trek robe, always a good choice).

Mom was kind of skeptical, I guess because I wasn’t in that much pain. It did hurt, now, like the worst menstrual cramps I’d ever had and kind of bigger (I suppose my uterus was a lot bigger). It was cold and my mom was complaining about my car (I needed the brakes fixed) and we listened to classical music on the radio because she was grumpy.

It was after 6 when we got to the hospital, and we walked in and I remember in the parking lot was the first contraction I couldn’t walk through. I just stood there because it really hurt and if I was still, it was fine. And then you fill out paperwork and they offered me a wheelchair, which I didn’t want. Then they send me into a room to get checked and I took my clothes off and I was so wet, fluid was leaking and it just keep leaking and I was sweaty and they put a monitor on me and made me sit on the bed

Which sucked. Holding still sucked, sitting sucked and then they did an internal exam which was really uncomfortable and one of the women from my labor class had been sent home because she wasn’t in labor enough, and I was worried, because going home sounded so annoying.

I was at 8 centimeters, so I did not have to go home and the stupid monitor said Felix was fine. (stupid monitor). So we walked to the delivery room, which had purple lights, and I wanted to take a bath SO much and they wouldn’t let me because of the monitor. (my monitor hatred is strong).

My doula came, and she was awesome awesome. I hadn’t met her before and I didn’t get the one I thought I’d have because I was apparently so close they sent the faster one who lived closer. We changed positions a lot and wandered around and I remember basically peeing on the floor because I didn’t have to pee that much and they also weren’t that keen on mme going to the toilet. I don’t know why. They just put towels on the floor and it was fine.

My doctor was a 2nd year resident, and we were his second continuity of care delivery (where he’d been my prenatal too). He’s very sweet and enthusiastic. The teaching doc we got is this very calm Asian woman with small hands and really pretty hair. She came in around 8 because then I could push.

They made me lie down, which was annoying. They were worried about Felix being too big because I had gestational diabetes (mild and a huge point of contention because they just made everything hell).

I had to hold my legs and pushing is just the strangest movement because it’s muscles you usually don’t use. The light was bright over the bed and I did swear a few times, or yell, because it hurt and it was more just...frustrating and exhausting because it hurt and then it would still hurt and I did the right things but he would get closer and then go back.

I remember them wanting me to push with every contraction and there was one where I just took a break. Screw you guys.

I never really felt the bearing down they talk about. I thought I’d hit somewhere when I wanted to push and I didn’t. My hand hurt because the stupid IV was doing something. I had to hold on to my legs and that was annoying.

They decided they needed to do an episiotomy, and I’m still kind of bitter about this because we didn’t try changing positions (my doula did ask I was just not in the position to argue or advocate).

That part is really strange. I didn’t have any fight. I was tired, sure, but I was really agreeable. I’m told this is hormones too.

The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and kind of short, so I’d push him down and it would pull him back up. So they numbed me up (getting the needles in for that hurt) and my teaching doc did the cutting and then I pushed once and he just fell out.

He was just there, and damn, not being pregnant anymore feels really great. Kind of empty, but you’re so bendy-flexible- not under any tension anymore. It’s great.

And the placenta was nothing. It just kind of squelched out. It did look cool.

He had chubby arms and a chubby face and he was totally fine. I held him for a bit, he was not interested in eating, so they weighed him and gave him a hat and a heel poke and they stiched up the episiotomy.

That hurt, and my student doc was doing the stitches and he went outside the anesthetic for a few stitches and damn. I remember saying fuck a few times.  I also got to get up to pee and I had one nurse called Katie who had been there and two more had come in at the end and they didn’t want to let me up, but I stood up just fine.

My nurse Katie said I hadn’t had an epidural and I think that was rather rare because they were surprised I could just walk.

And I was tired, like I’d been running or swimming or climbing, something really full body exhausting, but it didn’t hurt really.

We moved to the other room and Felix and I watched CNN and eventually we worked out how to get the boob in his mouth (more of it than I thought had to go in there).

and it was really boring. My mom stayed and my dad came and...it was still boring. Felix was very cute and cuddly and he wanted boob and snuggles and I remember changing his diapers and holding him (those funny sticky black new baby diapers) and he just wanted to be held all the time, and we atched pointless television because they won’t just let you go home.

I got ibuprofen and paracetemol and pancakes. I had pancakes right after he was born because I was so hungry.

And chocolate pudding and they were terrible pancakes but, I was hungry.

They made me pee in a weird upside down hat thing that went on the toilet a few times and then they left me alone.

It was very alone. I remember holding him in the bath in his blanket because I wanted a bath but I didn’t want him to get lonely and cry so I couldn’t grab him.

I was so sleep deprived and they don’t want you hold him in bed and fall asleep so he went down and back and down and back and I did eventually just give up and hold him and sleep.

He was also a perfect size. We went home the next day, which was too long in the hospital, especially after I got released at 1pm and he didn’t get out until 7pm because he was a little yellow. (he bounced back fine, but was a little yellow at first)

Then we went home, and watched Discovery and the Witcher and Korean zombie dramas and I ate so much chocolate peanut butter pretzels. My Doula came to visit, and we talked and I remember thinking kind of in a shellshocked way that I was really annoyed they made me push on my back and I couldn’t do anything about it.

It’s actually not a good position! It goes against the spine and I had my feet in stirrups and I had a nasty bruise on my hand from my IV (that I also didn’t need, they just ran saline the whole time) and my pinkie finger was all tingly (that took weeks to get back to normal).

And all the “you just had a baby” advice is totally crap if you’re single. Let someone else...do the dishes cook for you do...

No, you do ALL the things and baby, and change diapers in the middle of the night and feed them (constantly, it’s so constant).

And take the kiddo to get his blood checked when it’s -35C outside. (poor little guy, he was fine, didn’t even need the light jacket). And get weighed (he was getting plenty of milk and chubbed up fast).

But newborns have no personality. (in my opinion They don’t even really ‘like’ you. You feed them and you make them comfortable and they sleep, and sleep, and snuggle.

Star Trek got me through a lot those first couple months until he was big enough to know I was there (like actually know me)

[all1e23]

Code Date Night [One-Shot]

Summary: Sparks ruin date night. 

Warnings:  A little bit of angst. Lots of fluff. Sweet, protective Bucky.  

A/N:   A new Astrophile drabble! YAY!  As a warning, Bucky is injured on the job in case that’s a trigger for anyone. No death. There is a bit of angst, but it’s still Astrophile fluff. It takes place roughly 5/6 years after the epilogue. Write me a book report, sing me a song or come scream at me if you like it. If you have not read the series Astrophile, THERE WLL BE MAJOR SPOILERS.  

Catch up on the series here!

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are my jam, though! Thanks!*

Bucky leans forward in the back of the truck, adjusting his boots. His feet are killing him, and he just wants to be off this damn job. The love he has for his career and his brother runs deep, but he’s so ready to get home and see his wife. That is something he never thought he would say. He’s always loved work more than most things in his life, but here he is desperate to get back to the station so he can see his girl. He settles in next to Steve and continues to hum the same tune he has been humming for the last several turns. He pulls his hair into a tight bun at the base of his neck and continues humming. In just under eight hours, his shift will be over, and he will be holding his sweet Beck.

The tune repeats once more from the start, and the moment it finishes, Bucky glances at the men around him. 

“Okay, what’s it from?” 

Steve leans his head back against his seat and fires off a guess without any real pause to consider the melody. “Flintstones?” 

Clint tears his eyes from the road for a split second and sets Sam with a flat look. “Flinstones? What the hell? Sam, you need to sit down and teach your husband a thing or two.” 

Sam chuckles and sends a Steve wink who promptly blushes at the gesture.

“It’s Happy Days.” Sam glances at Bucky for conformation. “Right? Happy Days?” 

Bucky chuckles and leans forward to give him a high five. Same dumb game every shift. They have to do something to pass the time when things are less than exciting, and it never fails to end the same way. Steve never guesses right, Clint makes fun of him, and Sam wins.

“Yeah, it’s been stuck in my head since yesterday morning. It’s on all night on that rerun channel, and the twins have decided four in the morning’ means it’s time to get up.” 

“Let’s be real. You get up that early, or is Y/n getting up?” Sam asks with a snort, disbelief, and humor filling his words. 

“Screw off. I’m gettin’ up. I get up every time my babies cry, punk. What about you? You get up with Stevie over here?” 

Steve rolls his eyes. This happens every shift. Every damn day. “Of course, Sam wakes up when I do, Buck.” 

“Damn right, but we are kind of passed that stage, dumbass.” Bucky lurches forward and knocks his helmet off his head. Sam whips his gloves into the backseat catching Bucky on the side of his head. Bucky jumps ahead, but Steve grabs him by the back of the jacket and jerks him back into his seat.

“Hey, guys…” Clint shouts over their scuffle. “As fun as this round was, we got a real problem coming up on the right.” 

Steve leans forward to see a thick cloud of black smoke rolling out of the windows of a small four-story apartment building. The bronzed painted wood paneling on the outside of the broken windows is quickly turning black from the flames burning through the wood framing. Steve sits back and gives Sam an order before slipping his helmet on.  

“Call it in. I’ve got a feeling this one is going to be ugly.” 

By the time the truck came to a stop, the windows on the fourth floor had shattered. Bucky and Sam rushed in to pull out as many people as they could. The bottom two floors were cleared, the tenants could feel the heat before it ever reached them. Even with his gear, Bucky could feel it. Sam took the third floor, and Bucky ventured up to the fourth, pulling out a woman in her late forties who was trapped in her bedroom thanks to a fallen beam.

Steve waited for their all-clear before he breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone was out, and they could focus on putting the fire out, not carrying out bodies. 

Steve made eye contact with Sam and shouted over the noise surrounding them, “Get that redline in here! We can get it under control before it spreads any further.”  

The woman Bucky had pulled out of the flame is sitting on a stretcher, fighting against the EMTs and clawing to get to Bucky. She kept shouting about going back in, and Bucky tried five or six times to tell her there was no way anyone could go back in now until they got the flames under control.  

“I don’t know what you’re saying with that mask on! My kitty is in there!" 

Bucky yanks his breath mask off in frustration and tosses to Clint standing nearby. He is not in the mood. He’s already running late for date night, and all he wants to do is get a shower, eat some damn pasta, and make love to his wife on the one night his kids spend at Aunt Natasha’s. 

Now he’s got to deal with a fire that the Gods had to dump in their laps.

As much as he would love to save this woman’s cat. They can’t go back in. All they can do now is put out the remaining flames and go in once it was safe. 

"Ma'am, I understand but–" 

"Mom?!" 

The unit looks up and sees a little girl about nine standing on the fire escape, and the woman’s voice catches Bucky’s ear. "I told you! My kitty! She was hiding in one of the cupboards!" 

"Shit.” Steve steps back from the truck. “Get the ladder!“ 

There isn’t enough time. Bucky shakes his head and makes a run for the fire escape on the side of the building. He Jerks the rickety metal ladder down and starts to climb up to meet the little girl. She is frozen from fear, and he wouldn’t leave her up there all alone and scared like that. He can hear Steve ordering him to back off, but he can’t. What if it was Orion? Or his sweet little Cassie trapped up there? He can’t just stand on the ground and watch. 

"Buck! Watch out for the–" 

——–

“He climbed up the fire escape to help the nine-year-old girl down before the building collapsed. The heat had cracked the window she climbed out of, so he covered her with his jacket before moving her to a safer floor. Flashover shattered the window, and that’s when he got the burn to his left shoulder and upper arm. There was a lot of smoke covering them for a good minute. Not sure how much he took in.” 

“Okay,” the emergency room doctor sighs and glances up at Steve. “We’ve got it from here. We can notify his family if you don’t–” 

“No.” Steve’s voice cuts through the room, and he attempts to soften it. “I’ll call. We are family– I’ll handle it. He’s in my company.” 

The doctor nods. He understands. He deals with injured emergency servicemen and women more than he would like, so he understands Steve wants to be the one to make the call. They are a family in the way none of the hospital staff could understand. He leaves Steve to make the call and makes his way back to where Bucky is fighting against the heavy sedation they pumped into him. Steve doesn’t waste another second and heads for the elevator, but Sam catches his wrist before he can get far and pulls him back just a step or two. 

"Where are you going?” His voice is soft and warm. He’s speaking as a husband, not a member of Steve’s company.

Steve gives his partner’s hand a squeeze and pulls his arm free of the shorter man’s grip. “It’s Tuesday. That’s their date night. I’m not going to call her in the middle of the restaurant and tell her what happened. It’s not far from here. I’ll tell her in person.” 

Sam doesn’t try to argue with him; just simply nods. Once Steve’s made up his mind about something, there is no changing it. He watches Steve go and then turns his attention back to Bucky, watching through the glass wall that separated them. 

"BP is good. His vitals are stable despite the injuries and smoke inhalation.”

The words coming from the blond nurse on Bucky’s right sound far away and almost muffled. As if his head was underwater, or the way Leo sounds from under his Spider-Man mask. For some reason, Bucky can’t work out, she continues trying to talk to him despite his drowning. The white lights flashing over his eyes make him wince, and his eyes focus on the room around him. He quickly recognizes where he is. He’s in the hospital, and that means… No, this isn’t good. Bucky has to get up and get out of this bed right now.

He has somewhere to be and someone he can’t let down. He can’t let her down like this.

Bucky groans and tugs at the tubes in his nose as he struggles to sit up. His left arm burns, but he ignores it. There is a pinch every time he tries to move his shoulder to pull out the IV. It doesn’t matter. He has somewhere to be. A gentle hand lands on his chest, “Lieutenant Barnes. You have to sit back for me and keep that in your nose. We need you breathing clean air.”

With the weight of the hand and whatever medication they gave him, he is too weak to push back against their gentle urging. Bucky falls back against the bed, but he continues to try to pull the sheets off his leg to climb out of the cold hard bed – nothing like his bed at home, it’s warm and soft and filled with the people he loves most. He wants his bed, not this sad excuse for one. 

“You don’t understand. I got a date– My wife–”

“We can call your wife and let her know. I’m sure she will understand. You can go on your date another night.” The kind-looking nurse on his life cuts in.

Bucky shakes his head rather quickly, making his head spin and tugs at the plastic tube in his nose again. He can feel his chest tightening at the thought of Y/n, his Beck, sitting alone waiting for him to show up. He needs to make sure she is okay.

“No, you don’t understand. My wife wrote it on the calendar. We have a calendar in our kitchen and, and she wrote it down for tonight. She– she wrote in pen, okay? I can’t not show up. I can’t.”

“Mr. Barnes–”

“I promised my wife I wouldn’t–” He takes a deep breath and repeats, forcing his panic down. “She wrote it in pen.”

——–

Y/n glances at her watch once more and drums her fingers along the stem of her wine glass. She’s not nervous. Bucky is only forty-five minutes late. The large glass door at the front of the dark restaurant swings open, she sits up straighter, and a small smile starts to curl up the corners of her mouth until she realizes it’s no one she knows. It’s certainly not the man she’s eagerly waiting on. She huffs out a breath and slouches back down in her seat, grabbing her phone to check for any missed texts – not that there will be, that phone hasn’t left her hand all night. 

She takes a picture of her nearly empty glass of pinot noir and sends it to Bucky with a small warning following the image, I’m on my second glass. If you don’t get here soon, I might have to find someone else to take me home. They both know she would never, but they tease each other and the foundation they’ve built all of this isn’t shaken by something that silly. It’s one of the things she loves most about their relationship. She’s never had that before, but she likes it, and she likes that it’s with Bucky.

No reply. No phone call, and it doesn’t look like he has seen the picture she sent. Her thumb hovers over Steve’s number, but she quickly talks herself out of it. This is getting silly. She doesn’t need to be that wife, the one that calls the second her husband is late and makes a fool of herself. Bucky said he would be there, and he will. He would never let her down, it’s not in him – his heart would never let him do anything to hurt her. 

Everything is fine. He’s just late. She isn’t worried in the least. It’s perfectly normal for him to be a little late every now and then. Only three weeks ago, he had picked up an extra shift out of nowhere, making up for someone on day shift that needed to trade out. It’s part of the job, and she knows that. It’s not like Bucky is an accountant, working a simple nine to five and home at the same time every night without question. She knew that going in and saw it several times with Nat and Orion before she even met Bucky.

There is nothing to be concerned about. He’s merely running late and will be there soon. He promised, and he always keeps his promises. 

She is not worried.

A tingle runs down her spine, giving her goosebumps and causing her to look up only to find Steve strolling towards her. The sight of the blond makes her breathe a sigh of relief. If Steve is here picking up dinner, everything is fine, and Bucky will be there in no time. 

“Steve, what are you doing here?” Y/n asks, forcing a relaxed smile despite the way her heart is pounding in her chest. “Picking up dinner?” 

“No, Y/n. I’m not here for dinner.” Steve holds out his hand for hers and nods towards the exit, gesturing for her to get up and follow him. “I called Nat, and she said she would sleep at your place tonight with the kids and take them to school the next few days.” 

“W-what?”

Her heart sinks into her stomach, and her fingers instantly start to tremble. There’s a buzzing in her ears that won’t go away with a few shakes of her head like she hoped they would. Steve’s gaze doesn’t leave her, but he’s not giving anything away; his face is utterly blank. Whatever he needs to tell her he doesn’t want to do it here, in front of a restaurant full of people and that makes her stomach churn even more. She hesitantly reaches up to take the hand that Steve is holding out for her.

“Why does Nat– Steve, please… Where is Bucky?“

The panic seeping out from her chest is starting to slip into her voice. She can’t help it. Steve came to get her, her husband is for all intents and purposes missing, and he never ignores her calls like this. Something is wrong. Steve squeezes his fingers around hers and pulls her up. His arm tightens around her waist to keep her on her feet.

Just in case. 

"Steve… Where is he?”

The crack in Steve’s demeanor tells her everything she needs to know before he gets a word out. Bucky’s hurt. He’s not making it to date night. Calendar and pen could do nothing to change that. 

“He’s at the Brooklyn Methodist. He’s going to be okay, but we need to get you there.” 

——–

“Mr. Barnes. For the love of–”

A deep sigh leaves the young nurse attending Bucky’s bedside, and it sounds as if she wants to throw her scrubs in the bin and never come back. It’s late nearing the end of her shift, and Bucky isn’t exactly the easiest of patients at the moment. “I know you’re upset. We’ve called home for you four times. The quicker we get you patched up, the quicker you can get out of here and back to her.”

“I have to see my wife now. Not in’a couple of days. She, She can’t go through that again. I know this sounds crazy, and I am sorry I am being a pain in the ass, but she wrote it friggin’ pen! Just give me the paper to sign that says I’m refusing care–” 

“I don’t think so, Lieutenant Barnes.” Bucky’s head snaps up at the sound of her voice, and his whole body relaxes at the sight of Y/n standing in the doorway, she’s not smiling, probably because of what she just heard, but she’s wearing that little red number he loves so much. It’s the one that falls off her shoulders and hugs every inch of her body, and it’s really got him regretting missing date night.

“You’re not going anywhere, and you’re going to let them do whatever they need to.” 

Bucky glances up to see the nurse smirking at how quickly he settles back against the pillow because his wife told him to. That might bother him if Y/n wasn’t walking around the slightly uncomfortable hospital bed and taking his right hand in hers. She regards his left arm, carefully. There’s no hint of what she feels, which is unusual for her. Bucky can nearly always tell what she’s thinking because she wears every emotion right there in those pretty eyes. If you just look close enough you can see everything that’s written on her heart.

The white bandage, littered with splotches of yellow and light red, is wrapped around his bicep and extendeds up his shoulder spreading towards his chest, and her eyes trace every inch of it. The stretch of the injury explains the lack of a shirt on her husband. Whatever happened though left the tattoo on his arm untouched and she breathes a sigh of relief, not only would that hurt Bucky, it would break Ori’s heart to see it gone from her father’s arm. Y/n’s hand finds its way into his hair, and she gives a gentle tug until his head falls against her chest.

“Beck,” Bucky whispers, whimpers, really, but no one is going to call attention to it. The way he’s clinging to her is for a husband and wife only, and those left in the room take the hint. Y/n runs her fingers through his hair, and he takes a deep breath before whispering against her skin, “I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t– I tried to get there.”

Y/n’s hands freeze in his hair while he babbles on about missing ‘it’ and apologizing for hurting her. She can’t work out why he is apologizing until she hears him say, I know I promised and you wrote in pen and ‘m sorry I made you worry.  Bucky, her sweet December, is lying in bed with what could very well be third-degree burns on his arm, and he’s concerned about pens, past hurts, and the promise he made to never leave a similar scar on her heart. 

All he cares about is the damage done to her.

“It’s alright,” She assures him with a simple kiss to the top of his head, his temple, and his cheek, right over the stray tear that slipped out before he could force it back. "We can do it another night. There are plenty of empty spaces on the calendar.” 

"But–" 

"I’ll draw an arrow to a new night. In pen.” She sinks down next to him on the stiff bed and leans her forehead against his. “I don’t care what night we do date night as long as you’re the one I’m meeting.” 

“You better not be meetin’ anyone else,” Bucky whispers in her ear. There is a hint of playful teasing in his voice, and it makes her grin. He is attempting to quell her unvoiced fears and give her back some of her equilibrium in the wake of what could have been their end, and she loves him for it. 

“I hear you had two glasses of wine tonight and were lookin’ for someone to take you home tonight? Whaddya say you come home with me darlin’?” 

“Mmm.” She considers the offer with a soft giggle and pecks his lip softly. 

“That can be arranged, handsome. Let the doctors give you a once over and make sure you’re okay, then I’ll let you take me home, December.” 

“Whatever you want, Beck.” 

——–

Four days it’s been since Bucky was admitted to the hospital. Four days since he’s been allowed to sleep in his own bed or be able to really hold his wife. It has been four tortuously long days since he’s seen his kids and Bucky won’t make it another day without seeing their sweet faces. 

Y/n wanted to bring them in, but the first few days he was in a lot of pain, and he didn’t want them to see him like that. It’s not something his kid should ever have to see. Ori was old enough to understand it was a burn and that he got injured on the job but that she meant she understood. Bucky is worried if she knows all the details, she will panic every time he leaves for work, and she may be that much closer to being a full-blown teenager, but she’s still his baby, and she should get to be a kid, worry-free for as long as she can. 

As for the twins, they wouldn’t fully understand, but he didn’t want them to be scared of him. He was hooked up to a lot of machines, and he didn’t want them to have nightmares. It was better to wait. 

Thankfully, today was the day. Bucky gets to go home, and Uncle Steve dropped all three troublemakers off about twenty minutes ago. Cassie and Leo ran straight for his bed and climbed up on his lap to smother him in hugs and kisses, which he happily accepted and returned. Orion, though, she hung back with Y/n at the foot of the bed, holding her mother’s hand and avoiding Bucky’s gaze. 

He really hates it, not because she’s choosing her mom over him or something as petty and trivial as that. Orion chooses Y/n over him more often than not, and he’s okay with it, loves it in fact, but she’s avoiding him because she’s scared and upset, and he hates that he’s the cause of ache in his daughter. 

Once they get home, they will have to talk, just him and his comet, but for now, he keeps it light for the twins. 

“What have you two been doin’ without me? Drivin’ your uncles and sister crazy?” Asked Bucky, forced humor therein his voice that only Y/n catches. 

Cassie doesn’t say anything. She curls into Bucky’s right side, under his arm, and hides her face in his shirt. She was scared, still is. She’s been terrified since Uncle Steve picked her up from Aunt Nattie’s and said daddy was sick at the hospital, so she would have to stay at their house till he got better. She cried the last three nights in a row and slept in her uncle’s bed, snuggled between them. 

Leo isn’t oblivious to what’s going on around him. He is just as upset, but he doesn’t show his feelings as quickly as Cassie does. He tries to be strong for his mama and sisters – just like his daddy does! So, he sits on Bucky’s lap and nods, “I slept with sissy and Oviver at Uncle Stevie’s house." 

"There’s an ‘L’ in Oliver, buddy. You slept with sissy, you said?” Bucky questions, and his eyes shift to Orion, who is trying her hardest not to cry and scare the twins any more than they already are. 

“You’ve got a pretty awesome big sister, huh?” 

Leo nods and beams at Orion, who gives him a small smile back. 

Bucky raises his left arm, ignores the burning on his chest, and ushers her over with a wave of his hand. Orion didn’t have to be told twice. She dashes over and snuggles into his left side, careful of the bandage on his chest and arm. It isn’t anything too serious. Second-degree burns that may not even leave a scar, and he gets to be home with the kids for two or three weeks until it heals fully. Bucky is thankful it’s nothing compared to what it could have been because he could have been so much worse. 

Still, he knows it looks pretty scary to his kids. 

“Okay, you three know I’m alright, don’t ya?” Bucky places a kiss on Ori’s forehead and the top of Cassie’s head. He motions for Leo to lean in and when the four-year-old does Bucky’s lips land right in the middle of his forehead, making him giggle.

There is a muffled yeah from his girls, and Leo nods hesitantly. Bucky sighs and catches Y/n’s eye, silently begging for help. She’s better at this, better at the whole words thing. As much as he tries, Bucky isn’t as good as Beck – regardless of what she thinks. Cassie looks up at Bucky and tugs his shirt, grabbing his attention. 

“Daddy?” The small voice coming from his side makes him drop Y/n’s gaze, and he finds Cassie staring up at him wide-eyed and curious. 

“Yeah, stardust?” 

“Your arm hurts?” 

Bucky shakes his head and gives his shoulder a couple of shrugs to prove his point. There is a little bit of pain if he keeps it in motion, but Cassie didn’t need those details. She just needs to know her daddy is okay and all good for their nightly cuddle sessions. 

“A little bit, baby. It’s just a little burn, but as long as I keep it clean and wrapped up, it will be alright. I promise I’m okay. Just need rest and cuddles from my babies, and I’ll be right as rain.” 

She nods seemingly approving of the answer and then pipes up again, “Can we all cuddles in bed tonight?" 

Leo appears to like the idea because he scoots further up Bucky and lays his head on Bucky’s stomach. Ori glances between her parents, waiting for what she clearly hopes is a yes. Bucky catches Y/n’s eye and grins. She grins right back and shrugs just light enough for Bucky to spot but not the kids. 

“Of course.” Y/n says with a smile and a wink for Ori. “I always want you three snuggled up with us. We might need to invest in a bigger bed, though, with our two little bed hogs.” 

Bucky chuckles and tightens his arms around his kids. “Nah, we will be fine, Beck. Just gotta cuddle real close, and everything will be just fine.”

[wefoundloveunderthelight]

Wonderland by GleefullyCaptainSwan

Read on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

Or on FF

Tagging:  @kmomof4 @lfh1226-linda @teamhook @itsfabianadocarmo

Chapter 7: Trust

“How do you think you’re doing so far? A few more days and you will have completed your first two weeks.”

“I guess it’s going well. I’m not really sure how else it could go.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Killian. It’s not easy facing truth’s we aren’t ready to see. And you’ve been handling that well.”

Killian wasn’t sure he agreed with the good Doc. The only thing he had faced was admitting out loud that the accident was his fault. Perhaps he was a bit surprised that he had told Emma. He didn’t expect to do that. Honestly, he had followed the girl out to apologize for being so harsh in group, only to end up telling her about the accident. He didn’t know what it was about Emma, but the woman had him a bit off his game.

“So, today let’s talk about what happened after the accident. More specifically the loss of your hand, how did you handle the news?”

He straightened in his chair, rubbing his palm on his knee. “Like anyone who is just told that their entire life had changed.” He sat back in his seat and shrugged his shoulders. “Really badly.”

“When did you find out?”

“I woke up in the hospital sometime after the accident, my brother Liam was there. I could tell something was wrong. He told me about my hand first. I guess I was in shock. I didn’t react at all honestly. It was like being numb. I don’t have any other way of explaining it. I’m a musician and suddenly that’s all gone.”

“You play guitar?”

“Played. I dunno what I’ll do now. Honestly, I haven’t even thought about it. It seems so trivial considering everything else I lost.”

“I wouldn’t say trivial, Killian. It’s your life. Your livelihood.”

“Rob always tells me I have my good looks and acting to fall back on, but honestly I did all that because I could. Music was my passion; it was something I did because I wanted to.”

“And that is something that the accident took away from you.”

Killian shuddered with guilt to even feel anger about the loss of a career. “None of that mattered after he told me about Milah and the baby.”

“And how did you handle that?”

“I lost my mind. Ripped my IV out, Liam had to bring in security to restrain me. When I finally calmed down, he asked if I had been drinking that night. The look on his face showed so much disappointment.  I got angry, kicked him out of my room. Refused to speak to him for days.”

“Why do you think you reacted that way?”

“My whole life I’ve been living in Liam’s shadow. He was always the golden boy. Dad used to tell me that if the Jones brothers were to make anything of their lives, I just needed to watch my brother. He was the best of us.”

“What does Liam do for a living?”

“He’s a hero.”

“In your mind, I’m sure.”

“No like an actual damn hero. While I was making music on a stupid guitar, he was off fighting in a war.”

“Do you feel like your success was not earned because it wasn’t won the same way as Liam’s?”

“It wasn’t honorable like his. I sing stupid lyrics about dumb shit that doesn’t matter to anyone but me.” He stood up and started pacing the back of the room. “The night we got our record deal, his convoy got ambushed. I got the call that night that that his platoon had gone missing, presumed dead or captured. Days went by before we heard anything. A week later he came home a goddamn hero. Walked his whole platoon out of danger, fought off an attack, and won a fucking Gold Star. I got a record contract. A fucking record contract and he saved ten people. There was no living up to that.”

“Your success shouldn’t be compared to your brother’s sacrifices. It is admirable what he did but that doesn’t mean that everything you have earned means anything less.”

He paused, considering his words but knowing that nothing he would ever do could possibly match the honor of his brother.

“Have you thought about inviting him for family day coming up?”

“I’m not certain he would come even if I did.”

Killian continued to pace behind the couch. He spent the rest of his session thinking about his brother and the disappointment he had caused in the past year. The last time he had spoken to him still haunted his dreams.

“Killian you need help.”

“Fuck off, I’m fine.”

“How much coke is up your nose right now?”

“Enough that you are killing my buzz!”

“This isn’t you. The girls, the drugs, I don’t even know you anymore. You and Milah were…”

“Don’t, don’t talk about her. You don’t know anything about her. You don’t get to say her name.”

“Killian.”

“Get out, Liam. I never want to see you again.”

When he emerged from the office, he was surprised to see Ruby waiting around outside the door.

“Hello lass, are you next?”

“No, I just wanted to check on you.”

Killian had been impressed at how nice the girl had been to him since the incident on the beach where he was unable to perform a simple act of intimacy. He smiled at the girl. “No need, love. I’m fine, barely a scratch.” He joked.

He stilled when he saw the blonde he had been avoiding approaching them from the other side of the courtyard.

“Hey.”

“Hey Emma, meeting with Hop?” Ruby asked her roommate.

“Um yeah, guess it’s my turn to get my head shrunk.”

She made eye contact with him and he quickly looked away. He hadn’t spoken to the girl since she banished him from her sight after their last group session. That didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about her since then. He cursed the fact that it had been more than once.

“If you don’t mind Ruby, I am going to take a run.” He excused himself and left the ladies staring as he walked away.

~*~

“You scared him off.” Ruby complained as soon as he ran off.

“What did I do?”

“You’re always so mean to him.”

She rolled her eyes. “Geez Rubes, I get it you’re fucking him but I’m not going to be lectured about being nice to someone that has made my life hell since I got here.”

She flinched and then narrowed her eyes. “You give as good as you get. Hell, I’m surprised the two of you haven’t fucked with the way you go at each other.”

“Not if he was the last man on this island.” She stated louder than she had intended.

“Trying to convince me or yourself?” She pursed her lips and walked away.

“Whatever.” She pushed through the door and into the office.

“Good afternoon, Emma.”

“I guess.” She said sourly.

“So, last group session we spoke a lot about Neal? You’ve implied that your parents liked him.”

“Of course, everyone likes Neal. My parents think he’s the best thing for me.”

“And what do you think?”

“No one cares what I want, so it doesn’t really matter.”

“You’re pregnant?”

“That’s what happens when two lines show up on the fucking test, Neal.”

“How the hell did this happen?”

“It’s called sex, you asshole.”

“And you’re sure it’s mine?”

“What the hell, Neal.”

“Ok, sorry, what are you going to do now?”

“What am I going to do? Like this is all on me?”

“Emma, I’m just saying, we can’t have a damn baby.”

Later that evening as Emma’s legs worked the exercise bike in the lonely gym, she tried not to think about the child she gave away. She had seen his dark head of hair, ten fingers and ten toes, and she knew that if she even held him for ten seconds, she would have never let him go. So instead, she refused to hold him, only telling them his name as they took him from the room.

Henry.

She wondered where he was, what family had accepted him as their own. If he was being loved and taken care of.

She pushed herself faster, sweat pouring off her brow as she cycled harder and faster than she could even maintain. She screamed as loud as she could, pressing her feet against the pedals.

“I think you bested the mechanical beast.”

She jumped at the sound of another voice in the darkened silence of the gym.

“Can you not sneak up on me, for the last time?”

“Sorry, love. It was not my intention to sneak up on anyone. Apparently, you and I had the same idea for blowing off steam tonight. I can leave if you would prefer.”

She blew out a loud puff of air. “No, it’s not my gym, if you want to be here, I’m not going to stop you.”

He climbed onto the bike next to her and she noticed they each seemed to be matching the pace of the other, when she sped up, so did he. It was like a competition that neither would admit to entering.

The sweat was starting to drip down her back, her hair caked to her forehead. She chanced a glance in his direction and saw beads of sweat glistening on his skin. She wished to hell that didn’t make him more attractive than he already was. She silently wondered what it would feel like to run her hands across his wet flesh, immediately squeezing her thighs together as she worked the bike, the heat between her legs intensifying the more she glanced in his direction.

Suddenly his pace slowed beside her, and she breathed a sigh of relief, an unspoken win she would claim.

“You win.” He chuckled, with his hands in the air as he slowed his legs on the bike.

“Wasn’t aware we were in a race.” She tried acting as disinterested as she could.

“I think we got off on the wrong foot.”

She glared in his direction. “Really, what gave you that clue?”

“Are you always this difficult or is it just for my benefit?”

She slowed down her speed and turned to look at him. “What do you want from me? Because I’m just trying to get through this fucking bullshit without losing my mind.”

“May I offer a suggestion?”

“From you?”

“Try something new darling, it’s called trust.”

“I don’t trust anyone but myself.”

“Come with me.” He climbed off his bike and gestured for her to follow him.

“What are you playing at?”

“No games, love.” He stared at her, his blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight coming through the large glass windows.

“Fine.” She groaned and followed him throughout the complex, leaving the lights of the buildings behind as her eyes saw the water come into view.

They walked without speaking for ten minutes, before he stopped and bent down to remove his shoes. “Come on, love, the sand begs to be felt, not trampled on.”

She stood defiantly watching him set his shoes to the side, pulling his socks off and standing before her, barefoot in his sweatpants. She held her breath before bending down and removing her shoes and socks and setting them next to his.

“Now what?” she said dryly.

“Let’s walk.”

She followed him reluctantly, the sand cold and coarse between her toes. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, with each footstep she felt her burden of the last few days become lighter.

“When things get to be too much, I find that the water, she calms me.”

Emma looked over at him, his hair blowing in the breeze, she noticed that his expression was lighter and calmer than she had ever seen him.

“She?”

“Aye, the ocean is my mistress.”

She laughed lightly. “Do you live near the ocean?”

“Aye. Seattle. And you?”

“New York, but I spend more time in the city than I do at the beach.”

“See that wasn’t so hard now was it?” He joked.

“What are you talking about?”

“Getting you to talk is quite the challenge. It’s like you’re afraid. Afraid to talk, to reveal yourself. To trust me.”

“I don’t trust anyone, don’t take it personally.”

“Not even Neal?”

She laughed loudly. “Nice try.”

“Sorry, love. Just trying to figure you out.”

“Why?”

“I like a challenge, I guess. Besides, no one should go through something like this alone.”

She stopped walking. “I am alone. None of us are here for each other. I don’t know you; you don’t know me. I’m not here to make friends.”

He turned to face her. “You’re not alone, Emma.”

Emma groaned. “Oh my God, why do you even care, you hate me anyway.”

“Actually, I quite fancy you from time to time when you’re not yelling at me.”

For a moment she just stared at him, his eyes latched onto hers. And then she started laughing. It began in her stomach and it overwhelmed her until she was practically giddy with choked giggles and tears that formed under her eyelids. She didn’t even know why she was laughing, nothing about what was happening to her was funny, yet here she was, full belly laughs almost taking her off her feet.

When she finally calmed, he was looking at her with a smile across his face. “Wow I haven’t laughed like that in years.” She said softly.

“Long overdue then, I should say.”

He didn’t push for anything else, he simply continued the walk, taking in the views of the ocean until his watch started to beep and they both realized the time.

“Guess we should head back.”

She looked up at him, wondering what else was going on behind those eyes of his. “Um yeah.” They turned back to where they left their shoes. “Thanks.” Her voice was so quiet she wondered if he even heard her. But he simply nodded and bent down to gather his shoes.

She expected him to say something as they went their separate ways to their rooms, but he surprised her with simply a smile and a nod before heading to his room. She didn’t know what to make of Killian Jones. But for a moment they seemed to be at a truce.

“Where have you been?” Ruby was waiting for her in their room, sitting on the edge of her bed.

“Just walking. Therapy was a bit rough today.”

“Oh. Sorry. I’ve had a couple of those days.”

“You didn’t happen to see Killian around tonight, did you?”

“I’m not his keeper.” She said quickly.

“I know, I was just looking for him, couldn’t find him anywhere.”

“Booty call?”

She laughed. “Nah, just worried about him.”

Emma’s brow furrowed. “Oh, why?”

“I don’t know, he doesn’t really talk about himself much, but I could tell that his last few sessions were really getting to him.”

“I’m sure he’s fine. Maybe check the gym next time. I think he goes there once everyone has left.”

“Oh?”

She turned to change her clothes, ignoring the questioning looks from her roommate.

“Get some sleep Rubes.”

Emma pulled the covers under her chin, basking in the darkness of the night. She didn’t know what to think of her evening on the beach. There were times she absolutely hated the man with one hand. Loathed the way he stared at her, knowing he was trying to get under her armor. She didn’t understand Killian Jones. But what gnawed at her even more was the fact that she wanted to understand him.

~*~

Killian fell into bed that evening with thoughts of Emma Swan. It wasn’t until he woke the next morning that he realized he didn’t dream of Milah. There was no nightmare of her in his arms, her life drained from her body. No dream of her hair blowing in the wind on the deck of his ship. A part of him was angry that Emma invaded his thoughts and kept him from seeing Milah’s face in his dreams. The other part was curious to understand what this woman had that was invading so much of his life.

“There you are!” He looked up to see Ruby approaching his table, her tray of food in her hand. “I looked all over for you yesterday.

“Sorry love, I was a bit lost in my head yesterday. Was everything alright?”

“Of course, silly. I just wanted to see you.”

He smiled tentatively at the girl. He liked Ruby. She was very nice to him, had kept their relationship or lack thereof private, and seemed to truly care about his wellbeing.

“Well, here I am. So, tell me, lass. How are you doing?”

She smiled widely. “I’m doing great. Family day is coming, and my Gran is definitely coming.”

“That’s excellent news.”

“What about you? Are you inviting anyone?”

“I don’t have my phone privileges for another day. But I haven’t decided yet if I will be inviting anyone.”

“You really should consider it. It’s another big step in your recovery when you can work through things with those you love.”

“Thanks, I’ll consider it.”

He looked up and caught Emma staring in his direction and he found himself wondering if family day would bring Emma’s boyfriend to the island. He almost wanted to see the man that had destroyed her view of trust and helped push her down the path that led her here.

He already disliked Neal, he’d heard enough in their group session about his part in leading a 14-year-old to drugs and alcohol. What kind of a man could do that to someone they care about?

How could anyone love someone yet assist them in destroying themselves?

“Come on Killian, what’s the big deal. It’s like alcohol but faster.”

“Can’t you get addicted to this stuff?”

“Baby, it’s just for fun. We won’t let it go that far. Do this with me, just this once.”

“Alright love, just this once. Anything for my Milah.”

He pushed the thoughts away, shoving the last of his food into his mouth and excusing himself from the table. He would be forced to face enough truth’s in his sessions with Dr. Hopper, he’d be damned if he were going to drive himself mad at breakfast.

[prettyinlimegreenboots]

I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”

I’ve been watching a lot of “Code Black” and “ER” so I decided to put our favorites in as Medical Professionals. Normally, family isn’t allowed to treat other family members but just pretend that doesn’t exist. There are cuss words in this one. 

December 18, 2019 8:30AM

It was a normal shift, well as normal as the emergency room could be. There had been no major shootings or stabbings though the day was still young, he thought as he sat at the nurse’s station filling out paperwork. 

“Why did I choose to go into Emergency Medicine again?” A chart was thrown on the desk as Katherine “Plums” Plumber, PA slumped over looking at Spot. “I just diagnosed my fifth case of the flu. This should be for the general practice peeps, not me.” 

Spot grinned at his favorite colleague. “I’m sorry princess, but you’re drawing alllllll the short straws tonight.” 

“Damn you Conlon - if I find out you’re the one assigning me cases, as head nurse, it’ll be your head. Next one I get I’m requesting you to join me!” She pointed at him as the bay doors were thrown open and a stretcher was pushed through. She grabbed her stethoscope and pointed to him. “Guess I spoke too soon. You’re with me. What do we have?”

“A 29 year old male who is complaining about severe back pains. Pain level is between 6-7. Blood in urine.” The EMT announced as they wheeled him in, screaming about drugs. 

Spot followed along already prepping an IV line and anticipating any directions Plums would throw his way. The two worked in tandem as additional nurses and orderlies made their way to the bay. 

Within minutes, they had diagnosed him with kidney stones and sent him for an ultrasound to see what the prognosis would be. Making his way back to the nurse’s desk, he threw his gloves in the trash and sighed as he sunk into a chair. He relaxed as he listened to the soothing sounds of the ER; it truly was his home away from home. 

“What are your plans for when you leave this place?” He looked up and grinned at Albert, who had his own chart and running his hand through his hair, messing it up. 

Looking at the clock on the wall, he groaned seeing he had another 2 hours. “Sleeping. Race will be home around 4 so I’m hoping I can get a good nap before he gets home. You?” 

“Surprising Finch with dinner tonight.” Albert grinned. 

Spot studied him for a minute before his hand slammed the desk. “You’re proposing tonight aren’t you?” 

“Why dontcha tell the whole department, Conlon?” Albert dragged out as Plums slid over in her chair. 

“He’ll say yes, Albert. You don’t have to worry.” Plums grinned. “He’s been dropping hints for the last four months.” 

Albert smiled. “Thanks Plums. At least someone knows what to say.” 

“Hey now! I gave you all my advice two months ago when you bought the ring.” Spot scrawled his signature across the paper looking between his two friends. “Besides I haven’t told Racer anything and that’s a damn miracle for sure.”

Albert chuckled at his best friend's antics. “Does he suspect anything?” 

“Nope and he won’t.” Spot said as the doors were thrown open with the sight he didn’t want to see. 

“Plums.” He called her name as he pushed off the desk, rolling his chair backwards and onto his feet running to the doors before anyone could comprehend what was going on. He heard feet behind him as he grabbed a stretcher and rolled it towards the door. 

“What the hell happened?” Spot asked, looking between the two males, one of which had blood running down his face. 

“Your fiancé is an idiot.” Jack Kelly looked between Spot and his wife. 

Between Jack and Spot, they heaved him onto the stretcher before wheeling him back to the bay. “What happened?” 

“He has first period planning as do I so he came down to the shop. The next thing I see his head is bleeding and his arm is weird.” Jack said looking between Kat and Spot. 

“Albert, take Jack out to the waiting room.” Kat said, giving her husband a look as Spot started mopping up the blood on Race’s head. Kat was busy checking on a concussion and his injured arm. 

Kat looked up and sighed. “He needs stitches and a possible cast. Spot, you okay doing that?” 

Shaking his head, he looked at her. “I’m not steady. Get Romeo to do it. I'll start his IV.” 

She nodded, calling Romeo to start the stitches as he focused on inserting the IV. At that time, Race started to come around. “Where am I? Don’t infect me with anything …. My fiancé’s a nurse.” 

“Hey, hey Race. You’re in the ER, Jack brought you in. Do you remember what happened?” Spot asked, leaning close to him. 

“Spottie? No what happened?” Race cracked an eye open, squinting at the brightness. “I hurt, Spot.”

Lacing his fingers with Race’s he squeezed them. “What hurts, Race?” 

“My head and my arm.” He groaned. “It’s fuzzy, Spottie.” 

He looked up at Kat before looking at Race. “What’s fuzzy, Race?”

“Your face.” Race said, closing his eyes. 

Kat put a smile on her face as she leaned over Race. “Hey Race, can you open your eyes for me?” 

He cracked them open with a slight grin. “Lucky me, I got the dream team.” 

“You did.” She smiled. “How many fingers am I holding up?” 

“Three.” He rolled his eyes, his non-injured hand flying up to cradle his head. “Ow Ow ow …. that was dumb, make it stop.” 

Spot bit his lip to keep from laughing. “Make what stop?” 

“Spinning of the room.” Race shut his eyes tightly, willing it to stop. 

Uncapping the IV, Spot pushed the syringe that Kat had handed him full of pain medicine. “There, you should be okay in a few minutes. Can you open your eyes for me and Plums? We have a few questions for you.” 

He sighed, cracking open an eye. “Alright, hit me with these questions.” 

“What year is it?” Kat asked, flashing her penlight in his eyes, watching them slowly dilate. 

“2019, unless I was knocked out longer than that.”

Race chuckled. 

Shaking her head, she smiled. “Nope, you’re good. When’s your wedding date?” 

“January 17, 2020.” 

“What’s your dog’s name?” 

“Uhh … Sassie.” 

Kat looked over at Spot giving him a look. “I’m going to diagnose him with a mild concussion. I want him up in radiology getting a look at that hand. We’ll brace it here but he may need a steadier cast. Spot, wanna take him while I go talk to Jack?” 

She had him a chart and left the room. Removing his gloves, he gave a look at his husband. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like I’m floating. Is that normal?” Race asked, as Romeo smoothed a white bandage on his head. Spot smiled in appreciation. 

“Yea but you’ll be okay. We’re going to get you upstairs for a X-Ray.” Spot patting his shoulder, reaching for the phone to call an orderly to move Race. He braced his arm and stood back when a man came to move the bed. “We’re heading to Radiology, Specs.” 

Race gave his fiancé a look. “Is radiology really necessary? My arm is fine.” 

“Uh huh. You heard Kat, we’re gonna go get it looked at.” Spot walked beside the gurney as they got in the elevator. “You don’t have a choice in the matter.” 

Race pouted. “But Spottie, I’m fine.” 

Specs snorted hearing Race call Spot his nickname. “Racetrack, stop while you’re ahead.” 

He sighed, closing his eyes feeling the gurney move from the elevator. Specs parked the gurney across from radiology as Spot quickly thanked him. “I’m going to see where you are in line. I’ll be right back.” 

Race hummed before Spot disappeared into the adjacent room. Luckily, radiology was empty and they were able to take Race right away. 

“Told ya I’m fine, Spot. Quit worrying.” Race said as they moved him back to the gurney as the tech looked at the x-rays. 

“Actually Mr Higgins, you have a fracture on your ulna, which is probably going to require a cast.” The Radiographer, named Blink, gave Spot a look. 

Blink held up the x-ray that had a circle around a thin silver line. “It’s thin but it’s there.” 

“Thanks Blink.” Spot took the X-ray from him before moving the gurney through the door where Specs was waiting. 

The two moved Race through the halls before putting him in an actual room within the ER. “You’re also staying here a lot longer than planned, Racer.”

“What?!?” He exclaimed, sitting up which agitated his head causing him to groan. “Why?” 

Race texted Kat that they were in the room before giving his fiancé a look. “You have a mild concussion, they’re gonna want to keep you most of the day to make sure you’re not gonna die. Also we need to get a cast on that arm.” 

“Hey guys. How’s it going?” Kat asked, coming into the room, grabbing the x-ray, holding it up to the light to review it. 

“I wanna go home, tell Spot that I’m fine and I don’t have to stay.” Race said as Race adjusted his bed so he was on an incline instead of laying flat. 

Kat’s tongue poked out of her mouth as she studied the x-ray and shook her head. “Sorry, Race, but Spot’s right this time. You’ve got a mild concussion, along with the stitches and the cast we’re gonna put on, I want to keep you in here for a bit to watch you and make sure nothing crazy happens.” 

“I wanna have a second opinion ….. I don’t like the dream team so much anymore!” Race gave them both a pout as Spot chuckled. 

Kat gave the two a look. “I could have Talmore come in and look at him.” 

“Oh no! He already thinks Race is pretty - he’s not touching him. Race, a couple of more hours in here and you’ll be free.” Spot shook his head, looking at Race. “I love you. You enormously stubborn pain in the ass.”

Race’s eyes lit up. “ I love you too but you love my stubborn ass.” 

“No comment.”

Kat laughed, shaking her head. “Only you Race. Spot, go clock out. I’ll get Albert to do his cast.” 

“I can do it...” He gave her a look. 

Motioning to the nurse’s station, she smiled. “Go clock out, gather your stuff, grab Jack and come back here. You are almost dead on your feet.” 

He nodded, leaning over and kissing Race’s head, whispering an ‘I Love You’ before promising he’d be back shortly. 

“So how much longer do I need to be in here?” Race asked looking at Kat. 

Looking at the clock that now read 11:00, Kat sighed, handing him a menu from the bedside table. “We need to get some food in you first and you’ve got to finish that IV bag. I’ll come check up on you at 1:30 and if you’re good, I’ll release you.”

“I’m sorry.” Race looked at her whispering the apology. 

Kat sighed, setting the chart down, sitting in the chair beside the bed, relaxing for the first time since Jack brought him in. “For what?” 

“Making yours and Spot’s worst nightmare come true.” Race played with his fingers, avoiding looking at his sister. 

Reaching up, she caught his fingers and laced them with hers. “It’s alright Race. We’re just glad you’re not more seriously hurt. Yea, we dread the day any of our family ends up here but I’m glad it wasn’t anymore serious. Now figure out what you want for lunch and when Spot comes back, you can order. Let him or I know if anything doesn’t feel right or you feel dizzy, alright?” 

“Thanks Kat.” 

“You’re welcome.” She leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Don’t give Spot too much of a hard time. He’s really worried about you.” 

She left the room, leaving him alone as he flipped through the menu. Spot always hated the food, but did mention the mac and cheese was actually pretty good. He decided on that along with a salad and a chocolate chip cookie when the door was pushed open. 

Jack grinned seeing his brother while Spot looked annoyed. “Where’s Kat? Did you decide lunch?” 

“I think she went to do rounds.” Race said as Spot nodded, putting his stuff in the corner of the room. “Mac and cheese, salad and a chocolate chip cookie.”

“Anything to drink?” Spot gave him a look while picking up the phone. 

“Coke.” Spot tilted his head, trying to figure out if the saline in the IV would dilute the Coke enough - it wouldn’t. “Try again, Race.” 

“Ugh killjoy.” Race groaned. “Sprite then.”

Spot nodded, placing the order as Jack looked over Race’s injuries. “You doing alright?”

“Yea, got a fracture on my ulna, a pretty new bandage and apparently I’m concussed.” Race said, as Spot hung up the phone. “And I’m getting a cast at some point.” 

A knock on the door caused them all to look up. Albert grinned pushing open the door. “Hiya fellas. I hear someone needs a cast.” 

“Albie, I have a fracture on my ulna and the dream team thinks I need a cast.” Race pouted giving his best friend a look. 

Albert gave Race a look. “And you’re gonna be the dumbass to defy them?” 

“Well ….. not me but you could.” Race grinned. 

Laughing, he grabbed the necessary supplies before shaking his head. “Dude, I actually like my job. Besides you don’t piss off head nurse Spot or doctor Plums. It ain’t pretty. Just ask Spot about the other day.” 

“Dude, I’m gonna stick you with all the flu cases for the next two weeks if you don’t shut up.” Spot gave him a look as Albert held his hands up innocently. 

Albert turned to Race and gave him a look. “Sorry you’re on your own with defying them. Leave me outta it. What color do you want your cast?” 

“Wimp. What are my options?” Race asked, as Albert crossed the room to open a drawer, looking at the packages inside. 

Albert sighed. “Pink, green, blue, yellow, red, or purple.” 

“What color green?” Race asked with a grin. 

Albert and Spot both groaned while Jack chuckled. “Lime green like your ugly ass shoes at home.” 

“That’ll work.” Race nodded as Spot collapsed on the couch and threw his arm over his face. “What’s wrong Spottie?” 

“I’m tired Race. I was really looking forward to a nap after work before you got home.” Spot sighed, throwing his arm off his face. “I didn’t anticipate the day going like this.”

Jack looked between the two, starting to feel the tension in the room. “Do you guys need anything?” 

“Nah, I think we’re good. Thanks Jack.” Spot stood and gave him a hug before settling in the chair beside the bed. 

Jack leaned over, gave Race a kiss on the forehead before whispering something to him. “I’m heading out but let me know if you need anything. Bye Al.” 

Watching him leave, the room was quiet as Albert put the cast on. Spot held onto Race’s fingers as they watched Al work. “There it should be set in about 5 minutes. Don’t get it wet, Race. Spot knows how to take care of it.” 

“Thanks Albie.” 

“You’re welcome, Race.” Looking over at Spot, Al gave him a look.  “Need anything, Spot?” 

Shaking his head, Spot smiled. “No, I added something to Race’s order and I stole a can of Mountain Dew from the nurse’s station. But if I don’t see you before we leave, have fun tonight.” 

Albert’s face lit up at that. “Will do. Thanks.”

Watching him leave, Spot sighed, leaning back in the chair. He wanted to say something but he didn’t want to unload on Race. He felt Race squeeze his hand, looking up at him. “I’m sorry.” 

“For what?” Spot’s face softened, hearing the fear in Race’s voice. 

Race’s eyes were wet with tears as everything hit him from the morning. “For scaring you, making you worry and having your worst nightmare come true.” 

Standing up from the chair, Spot sat on the side of the bed and pulled Race into his arms, letting him sob. “I’m sorry you got hurt but dammit Race, my heart stopped when I saw you and Jack at the doors. I think I might’ve aged at least 10 years. I want to be pissed off at you but I’m just really glad you’re okay. Just promise me you’ll be more careful?” 

He felt Race nod on his chest as someone knocked on the door. Looking up, Spot rubbed his fingers under his eyes before calling to come in. An orderly came in and delivered Race’s lunch before asking if they needed anything else. She left after they said they were good. 

Spot grabbed a covered cup before sitting in the chair giving Race a look. “Eat!” 

“What did you get Spot?” Race sniffled, wiping his eyes before pouring the dressing on his salad. 

“Mac and cheese. They always have it for the patients but not always for the staff.” Spot popped a forkful in his mouth savoring the taste. “There’s one good thing about you being here - Mac and cheese for me for lunch.” 

Pulling out his phone, he looked at the texts that had come through. He didn’t see one from Medda, not knowing if she knew about Race yet. He sent her a quick text. 

Race’s in the ER with a concussion, 8 stitches and a fracture ulna. He’s okay and we’ll be going home shortly. I’ll have him call you in a bit. 

“Anything interesting going on in the world?” Race asked, motioning to his phone. 

Locking it and slipping it in his pocket, Spot shook his head. “Nah. You’re not missing a thing. Did you drive this morning or did Jack pick you up?”

“Jack picked me up. Why?” Race replied, starting on his Mac and cheese. “Holy shit this is amazing.” 

“Toldya.” Spot ate some more with a grin. “Trying to figure out if I needed to get your car home. I’m guessing you’re off work for a week or so. Do you need anything from school?” 

“My bag but Jack can grab that.” Race said, trying to think if there’s anything else. “I’ll text him later.” 

Silence enveloped the room, as Race slowly ate his chocolate chip cookie. He couldn’t get Spot’s earlier confession out of his mind. “Do you wanna take a quick nap?” 

Spot bounced his feet, shaking his head at Race’s question “Nah … was actually thinking of going to get some charts to work on. Why?” 

“I was going to see if you want to come lay with me. I’m not feeling the best and wanna cuddle.” Spot toed off his shoes, carefully crawling into the bed with his arm around Race as he laid his head on Spot’s chest. Spot gently ran his fingers through Race’s hair as his breath evened out. Looking up at the bag of saline, Spot sighed knowing they had at least an hour more to go. 

Looking down, Spot relaxed seeing Race sleeping soundly. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and thanked his lucky stars that his world was okay. A quiet tap sounded at the door as he said to come in. 

Kat’s face softened seeing the two of them in the bed. “How is he?” 

“He just ate and cried but he’s doing good. No complaints of pain but the meds we gave him would eliminate that.” Spot said looking up at the saline bag. “I’m guessing he has 30-45 minutes left on that.” 

She nodded. “Yea that’s what I’m thinking. I’m going to keep him off work for a week, I don’t want that concussion getting worse. But that’s not why I came in. There’s some paperwork you need to fill out.” 

“Surprised I’m just getting it now.” Spot rolled his eyes. “If you bring it in, I’ll complete it.” 

Kat put a hand on his arm. “Will do. How are you doing?”

“Better now that he’s fine and sleeping. But I was scared there for a moment.” He looked up at her with a smile. “And you, how are you?” 

Shrugging, she looked at Race. “The same. Broke down with Jack earlier and had a good cry so that seemed to help but I think my heart stopped when I saw them in the doorway.” 

“I told Race the same. I’m just glad he’s alright and it wasn’t anything more serious.” Spot pressed a kiss to Race’s forehead, sighing. 

She patted his arm. “Same, Spot. I’ll get those papers and I’ll be right back. You need anything?”

“Alcohol?” He asked, giving her a grin as she laughed. 

“Sorry that’ll have to be later. But Race won’t be able to have any for a couple of days.” She grinned. 

Spot gave her a look before shooing her from the room. “Thanks Plums.” 

“You’re welcome. Let me know if you need anything.” She took her leave, returning a few moments later with a stack of papers before leaving the two alone.

He quickly filled out the admission paperwork that was a couple of hours late. Reviewing them a final time, he scrawled his signature on the line before throwing them on the table at their feet. 

“Mmmmm what time is it?” Race murmured, shifting slightly. 

Running his hand through his hair, Spot started humming before whispering. “You’ve been asleep about 20 minutes. You’ve got some time before your saline bag is done.” 

“It’s bright, Spottie.” Race whined, burying his head deeper into his chest. “Can you turn the light off?” 

Reaching behind him, he flicked the light above the bed off. “That better?” 

“Yes. Thanks Spot. Love you.” He murmured sleepily. 

Pressing his lips to his head, Spot smiled, humming. “Love you too.” 

The opening of the door startled him as he yawned. “You okay?” 

Looking over at Kat as she washed her hands, she smirked at him. “Yea I must’ve fallen asleep. What time is it?” 

“1:30. Saline bag is almost done so I’m going to disconnect it. Wanna wake sleeping beauty up?” She put a pair of gloves on before smiling at the pair. 

Leaning near Race’s ear, Spot pressed a kiss to his cheek before coaxing him away. “Wake up Racer. Kat’s here to kick us out.” 

Groaning, he stretched before cracking his eyes open “I can go home?” 

“If you wake up.” Kat smiled at the grogginess in his voice as she clamped the IV line as the door opened. 

Albert grinned at them. “Thought you guys were already gone?”

“Nah he had to finish a bag of saline before Plums released him.” Spot said as Albert grabbed a pair of gloves and some supplies. 

Spot pushed himself out of the bed, standing near it gripping Race’s hand. “Hey Race, look at me. Don’t look at them.” 

Race looked over at Spot with a grin “Why?”

“Just don’t. Tell me a story, Race.” Spot said, motioning Kat and Albert to go ahead. 

“A story huh? Well Jack likes to come hang out in my Science Class. He has a habit of leaving something random in the room. Some of my students have him as a teacher so he always tells them to look for something out of place. It drives me absolutely bunkers but the kids really enjoy it.” He shrugged, as Albert put gauze on the IV site.

“Race you gotta keep the gauze on for a couple of hours then you can replace it with a bandaid.” Albert gave his friend a look before looking up at Spot who grinned. Albert threw the IV materials always before leaving the room. 

Race flashed them a thumbs up before looking over at Kat. “Can I leave?” 

“Slow your roll.” She gave her brother-in-law a look. “I’ve gotta draw up discharge papers. You’re going to be off work for a week, giving you some time to heal. Take it easy, Race.” She paused, giving him a no-nonsense look. “No alcohol, no strenuous activity, and no baths. Sponge baths for the first couple of days, then you can shower. Spot, you know what you’re looking for. Any questions?” 

Race’s face fell at the restrictions as he looked at Spot who shook his head. “I think we’re good. Thanks Plums.” 

“I’ll come check up on him the day after tomorrow. You’re welcome. Let me get those papers then I’m kicking you to the curb.” She grinned at them, walking out the door. 

Race leaned up and kissed Spot’s chin, the closest place he could reach. “Thanks Spottie. Can we get pizza for dinner?” 

“If that’s what you want, sure we can get pizza for dinner. No pineapple.” Spot shot him a look. “I don’t care if you’re hurt, no pineapple.” 

Race pouted, as the door was pushed open revealing Kat and Specs with a wheelchair. “Kat back me up - pineapple is good on pizza right?” 

“Sure is. Spot let him have pineapple. He’s hurt.” Kat winked at Race as he laughed. She handed Spot the stack of papers. “You know what’s included in here. Let me know if you have any questions. Race, seriously take it easy tonight, watch movies and hang out on the couch type of night.” 

“Thanks Kat. Can I go?” Race looked between the three in the room. 

Spot grabbed his bag from the corner before heading for the door. “I’ll meet you at the exit in a few minutes. Thanks Plums, Specs.” 

He disappeared as Kat and Specs helped him into the wheelchair before pushing him from the room. Several stops were made along the way as their friends said goodbye to him. As promised, Spot was waiting by the exit, his truck idling with the passenger’s door open. With some help, they got Race into the truck, Spot thanking Kat and Specs again. “Ready to go home?” 

“Take me home Spottie.” Race said with a yawn as he pulled away from the curb and headed home. 

Thanks @wide-eyed--wonderer for sending this prompt. This is 4390 words of pure mayhem and Race being Race. Let me know what you think! 

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Ghosts from the rainforest

Captain James Conrad x Reader

Summary: A simple rescue mission will bring him back to a place full of nightmares, and maybe this time he could find redemption. Situated in 1975, 2 years after the events of Skull Island.

Warnings: Violence, blood, wounds, mentions of war, cursing, implied smut, smoking, angst.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

I finally manage to write the end to this tiny fic, I hope you like it, and I'm going to start on my ideas for a Jonathan Pine adventure, but I haven't decide yet.

Chapter 7: Fever [Final]

The helicopter was already on motion, and the rescue crew that Brooks had sent for you were charging everything for the trip. The guys were excited to finally going back home, the Celebes Sea was ahead of you in the military base you were staying, and waiting in the Pacific the majestic USS Constellation  (CV-64) waiting to take all of you home.

Home? A country that had make more damage and taken everything from you, your family, and had force you to live away to mend some of the atrocities they had committed in the name of freedom.

"Not looking so charming today are we?" You said to him once he walked in your room to pick up your bags, you have finally stop the hostilities after he had offered you his shoulder to cry while you mourned Shukri on his funeral and after all the physical torture he had endured so you could safely leave Borneo.

He had been clear about letting you stay if that was what you wanted, and even when the rest of the crew asume you were coming back to USA, he knew you would have to say goodbye sooner or later, so instead of telling him all the things your heart was keeping from him you kept teasing him and pretending the chopper was not waiting for him.

"I have a minor headache love, but it's okay, are you ready to say goodbye?" He said and you noted how his temple had a few wrinkles, he was trying to smile over the pain in his head "It's a shame you don't come with us, I have a lot of things I wanted to show you" he grabbed your hand and all your alarms started to scream.

"Conrad are you okay?" Those words were all you have hoped for, however the radiant heat from his skin told you he was not exactly fine. "Dear God you are burning up" You said touching his head and looking desperately for a thermometer in your belongings.

"I like you too doctor, but why don't we wait until we get to the ship, we can share a bunk bed" He was definitely not himself.

"103° damn it Conrad!" You said, and for some oddly reason remember the night he told you about Randa and how much he complained about mosquitoes while he was dressing "Look at me, I'm not kidding, did you take Chloroquine before we leave Malaysia? I told you guys you had to..."

He nodded negative, and before he could speak he simply throw up in the nearest trash bin, making you suspect of the worst, specially since all the medicine was now gone and the only viable solution now was the aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific waiting for you.

"Also you have perfect legs you know that? I could spend my life sleeping on them." He kept saying things like that while you helped him to the heliport "Come here princess your prince charming needs your love" he said trying to kiss you.

"Later dear, preferably when you're not dying or smelling like vomit" you tried to stop him.

"Well you didn't mind me covered in dirt and sweat" He tried again but he stopped to scream "Reg! I love you man, you are like a son to me" and also tried to kiss the boy on the forehead.

"What happened to the Captain?" Slivko asked concerned once you help him to board the chopper while carrying his luggage and your medical bag.

"I have no idea, but I'm afraid it might be Malaria" you said bluntly and all of them looked concerned at you, while he vomited again "Do you have medical equipment here?" You asked the pilot and he only raised his thumb while you make sure he was steady on the helicopter floor, and almost didn't feel the machine take off while you tried to put an IV on his arm.

After one hour that felt like ten you could no longer see the island, only the immensity of the Pacific, and growing in the horizon the USS Constellation, even when you despised war and everything it represented the enormous carrier was enough to let you speechless, specially when a team of nurses and a doctor was already with a stretcher waiting for him.

"It's going to be ok James" you told him holding his hand while the experts rushed him inside.

"You really like men to die quite literally for you right?" He tried to joke, fighting the impulse of vomiting again, "Hey it's okay, I have to take care of you remember?" He smiled and you hold his hand trying to not get on the way of the medical staff, but he was too weak and fall asleep.

After they had stabilized his temperature, and take samples of his blood to determine the pathogen they let you in, the beds inside the medical bay of the ship were oddly spacious, and you could be sited next to him without any other person listening.

"Y/N?" He asked opening his beautiful eyes, "Hey it's okay love, I'm feeling better" He said and tried to reach for the glass of water on the table.

"Let me" You said and put it closer to him, "I know, once they identify the plasmodium they will know what is the best treatment for you, they take test and interrogate all of us, don't tell him I told you but Reles almost passed out when he saw the needle " He attempt to laugh but was still weak so he only smiled.

"Well is rewarding seen you on my dead bed, I'm quite honored, tears look oddly beautiful on you" He said and a small smile form in your lips.

"And you are still delirious" You said looking for a piece of cloth, and cold water from the sink to put on his head. "Here, try to rest, I'll come see you later" you told him but before your hand could leave his head he hold you still "What?"

"I might be dying, so you owe me at least listening me like adults" He said forcing you to stay next to him.

"You are not dying" you said trying to sound like it didn't matter and failing miserably "you are not, but fine. Let's talk" you concede.

"I'm sorry" he started contrary to what you had expected. "I had no idea how you looked before we met, and i was under no circumstances trying to seduce you to lure you back to America" you blush and regret your decision to stay by his side.

"I'm sorry too" You responded after a while "You have done so much helping me, even when half of the trouble I caused was preventable if I haven't trusted in the wrong people." You said and he hold your hand softly, he didn't want to hear about that, and you knew it so you took all the courage you have to continue. "And I'm sorry I over reacted, I am so used to people coming to me with second intentions that I just pushed you away to avoid getting hurt, and I just end up making other people hurt you"

"I'm sorry I make you come to the ship, I knew you wanted to stay" he said sincerely.

"It's okay, I have to make sure you stay alive, you know for the boys, maybe working at Monarch with you and Brooks won't be so bad"

"Well you can always run away from us in Hawaii, or maybe... we could run away together" He gave you a pleading look, and for moment you could imagine that life, keep running away, by his side, the soldier that never came home, and the idealist doctor, and keep leaving ghosts in every island, trying to find happiness apart from the world, but together. He kissed you, but this time it wasn't a lusty hunger kiss, nor passionate and angry like before, it was reassuring and you knew no matter what your answer was, he was on your side, for the first time you had someone on your side "So what do you say?"

But you couldn't answer because out of nowhere your stomach make you nauseous and you rush to the toilet to empty its content.

"Are you okay dear?" He screamed from the bed "I'm trying bloody hard to not take this as criticism"

"I'm okay, but I'm going to check your tests and start taking the pills before I end up confessing my sins on the fever like you" you said and walked out of the bathroom to saw him "We can talk later" you assure him.

You marched inside the medical office and started to look in the cabinets, when the young doctor that had received Conrad walked in.

"I'm sorry, I start feeling the symptoms and I thought it would be better if I start on the chloroquine before it gets worse" you excuse yourself.

"That would be great, if any of you had Malaria" he said offering you a seat that you take since he speak with a Texan accent and an authoritarian voice that made up from his young face "But we test all of you and what our SAS friend has is more likely a stomach flu from some bad shrimp, I was just on my way to tell him." He said and you sigh in relief, but also concerned about your own symptoms

"Oh that's great, but I start barfing too, and I didn't had the shrimp last night" you said and he took out a small file with your name that the nurses had put together earlier.

"Well it may be motion sickness, we are in a boat after all, or maybe... you told the nurse you didn't remember when was your last period?" He said looking the file.

"Well we have been in the jungle almost a month so I wasn't exactly counting" you tried to joke.

"The change of environment can trigger the vomit, or if you had sex in the past three weeks you might be pregnant" He smiled and all the weight of the world fall into your shoulders instantly. "In any case you should rest and let alone my medical cabinets, go with nurse Matthews she will give you some vitamins" he said but you were not longer listening.

No, it couldn't be that, right? You tried to convince your mind, but deep down you knew it was true, what would he think? He was a soldier, a man of the field, not a father, and you were obviously not a mother, what will happen now? Now that he wanted to run away in the world next to you, a baby had a place on that plan?.

Two days later Conrad was out of the medical bay and trying to approach you, offering you a fresh start from the afternoon you pause all those weeks ago in Malaysia.

But the stolen kisses on the hallways, and his nightly incursions on your cabin only made it harder for you to find a way to come clean about your news, even when the idea had already sink in your mind, because it was a baby, and it was his baby, how could you not be happy and grateful? Yet you haven't say anything to him.

Four days later he had spend the whole day walking on the deck with you, like if the planes and choppers were an appropriate sighting for a date.

"We'll be in Hawaii soon" He started "If you want to go out for a walk in the morning and get lost in the jungle we have to star planning now" he said and you were looking at the ocean trying to make up your mind.

"Maybe... I was wondering about the work you do at Monarch, maybe I will give it a chance" you start not sure how the whole we are having a baby situation will fit in your speech "I mean if you want to travel the world it might help to have a paying job for a while" you were nervously touching your hands.

"Of course, also when the baby comes I would like to have a proper house for him to be... or she, I don't care you know? as long as they're healthy" he said and you nodded yes.

"Yeah of course... what??" You look at him and he had the most radiant smile on his face, and he was clearly holding his laugh and apparently tears, of joy? "How do you know?

"Well nurse Matthews saw us kissing and then she complained about how Children this days keep having children out of wedlock" he said and you hide your face on your hands.

"I was really going to tell you... for real is just..." but you didn't have the words in you, and the tears were running on your face

"I know, it's fine, I mean is a little soon but if I'm honest I'm tired of running, and after all we've been trough I couldn't imagine a single person to share this experience with" He said cleaning the tears from your face.

"You sure?" You asked again, needing to hear it from his mouth.

"I'm sure, I fall in love with you when I saw you scaring local vendors in Malaysia and then fighting guerilla liders in Borneo, I even loved you when you vomit after kissing me for real, I'm completely taken by you Y/N"

"I fall in love with you too James" you said, and his expression got serious for a moment. "What?"

"Nothing, is just that I'm going to miss Prince Charming" he said giving you again the disarming smile that had started all this adventure.

The end

@damalseer

@kinghiddlestonanddixon (I hope you like the end)

[xhaotixaesthetica]

Direwolf!Chan (Hyrbid AU!Chan)

Starlink Intergalactic Navigator 

Author's Note: Finally got around to writing some of the personal stuff I wanted to write for this blog! I don’t have any requests as of my wrtiting this on Dec. 2, 2019 so feel free to request right now! Also note that I obviously don’t know anything about Chan’s siblings or his family so I had to make a lot of stuff up for the headcanon, this doesn’t reflect their actual personalities cause idk them. ALSO PLEASE TAKE NOTE:  these are so long that I’m going to make a separate headcanon for all of the members that’s about dating hybrid SKZ, so we’re not going over that right now, this is just about them as general hybrids. It’s gonna be a big polyship thing tho cause other wise i’d have like 9 different versions of the reader)

Trigger Warning: mentions of death, depression, self-hatred, insomnia, and themes of mental illness 

Genre: fluff, with bits of angst 

Word-Count: 3.3K+ 

You are in: the Amalgam Star System 

YES HYBRID AU!CHAN

Lezzgetit

Chan is pretty rare in a multitude of ways

for one he’s a wolf hybrid

wolf hybrids are very rare and hard to get right

the pups usually come out with lots of birth defects and rarely make it past two weeks

and not only is he a wolf, he’s a DIREWOLF

Direwolves are like the superhuman monster version of wolves, the same in looks but generally 3X the size with incredible strength and speed

They are also considered feral, dangerous, savage beasts

In all countries except 6, it is illegal to breed direwolves. Direwolves and Direwolf shifters are to be killed on sight or brought to the government for testing/genital neutralization surgery.

Because of these restrictions, any direwolf or direwolf shifter you find is likely to be a wildling

That’s what Chan is

Chan was born deep in the woods to a human father and a direwolf mother. Both cared for and doted on their son extensively. Whenever food was low, they gave it to Chan. Whenever it was cold, they’d cuddle up to their son to protect him from the elements

Then they gave had a daughter named Hannah and a son named Lucas.

Their parents were surprised to see that Chan, instead of having the normal jealousy an only child gets when they have to share their attention with new siblings, actually grew quite protective over his brother and sister

That was when they knew Chan was an alpha. Being an alpha direwolf means that if Chan were to ever get caught by the government, he would not receive a quick death or be allowed to live as human — after an invasive neutering.

No, he would be kept in captivity all his life in a government facility, subjected to torturous experiments.

They knew that protecting their children was more important then than ever.

From a young age, Chan’s mother taught Chan to hunt. While Chan’s father taught them survival skills like recognizing poisonous plants, starting fires, tracking, trapping, cleaning wounds, and properly cooking things, their mother taught them how to fight, how to use weapons, how to shift and fight in their wolf form, and how to fight as a group to maximize protection.

Their family lived in hiding but they were all happy.

Each of the kids had different talents. Chan was extremely good at hunting animals, defending the house, and protecting his family, as well as cooking anything anyone brought home. Surprisingly, he was also pretty good at taming animals, in his human form at least.

Hannah was adept at identifying poisonous things, gathering roots and berries, and setting traps. Lucas was good at medicine, growing things, starting fires.

So the kids made the household pretty damn efficient.

Fast forward to when Chan’s thirteen and that’s when things take a turn for the worse

Chan saw footprints in the earth, footprints that were obviously from a large person with a heavy stride and big hunting boots.

The whole family was on high alert for a week. The knew a hunter had probably spotted them and ratted them out.

Chan, Hannah, and their mother could have ran, they could shift into their wolf forms and survive on rabbits and other things.

But his father was a human and Lucas hadn’t really learned how to control his shift yet. They wouldn’t survive that kind of life in hiding and if they left them at the house, they’d be killed for harboring direwolf shifters.

So, as they expected, the government showed up at their house days later.

It was...bad

Chan’s dad went down and his mom told him to take his siblings and run, leave his parents behind so he could protect Lucas and Hannah.

And reluctantly, he did just that

They didn’t last long

Chan tried his best, he really did, but Hannah and Lucas didn’t really stand a chance

They were younger than him, their wolf forms less developed, Hannah didn’t have the stamina he did and Lucas barely had a wolf form at all

Chan barely escaped with his life

He was....distraught to say the least

He felt that it was all his fault, he was supposed to protect their family and now they were all dead and he was still alive

Alpha shifters are known to be the defenders, which was why his family counted on him so much for that. He felt that he failed as an Alpha, as a son, and as an older brother and he’d never forgive himself for that

Now cut to you

Your parents were hybrids rights activists

They acquired Woojin when he was a baby from a circus after his mother died from maltreatments from the circus

They fostered Woojin for a bit before he was adopted by your mother’s friend

Then, later on, they had you

You and Woojin grew up side by side as best friends

And when you were thirteen, a year after Chan’s family was slaughtered, Woojin burst into your parent's house looking frantic and terrified and carrying Chan on his back

Chan was in pretty bad shape, dark circles under his eyes, underfed, giant claw marks and bruises on him

Your parents were pretty distraught, they couldn’t think of who could have done this to a person, much less a kid that young.

You all cleaned his wounds and took care of him.

Woojin looked extremely apprehensive the entire time

When you all finished with Chan, Woojin grabbed your mother’s arm and said, “Don’t tell anyone about him. No one can know. And never be in a room alone with him.”

And before anyone could ask questions, he left

Woojin didn’t ever get too close to Chan, never visited him when he was unconscious, and got very upset whenever you or your parents went in a room alone with him to take care of him

But he still wouldn’t say what was making him so apprehensive of Chan

“It’s not my business to tell.”

But you didn’t pay Woojin any attention skjsksj

You grew very attached to Chan

It took two weeks of intensive care from you and your family for him to wake up

During those two weeks, you all obviously didn’t know Chan’s name, and you called him Angel Boy because you thought he was very pretty

You’d always make sure his IV drip was proper, check on him all the time, sit with him, and read him stories and talk to him and shit

Chan won’t admit it until years later, but your voice really helped him during that time, sometimes he can still remember it

That year he spent alone and on the run, terrified, paranoid, wallowing in loneliness, depression, self-hatred, and survivor’s guilt really took its toll on him so to hear someone being so kind and caring for him helped him wake up a lot quicker

Even though Chan was exposed to lots of love and happiness in his childhood, it only took that one day for him to realize that the world hates him for what he is and the few humans he met in that year by himself only served to reinforce that

He didn’t think anyone would ever care about him again :(

When Chan wakes up, Woojin absolutely refuses to even go down the hallway he’s in

You and your family are ecstatic but a bit worried because Chan doesn’t really do anything once he wakes up

He doesn’t ask who you are or why he’s there, doesn’t ask if you’re going to hurt him, he really seems like he doesn’t care

You thought that that would make Woojin ease up on him, but if anything that seemed to make him distrust Chan more

Direwolves had even more enhanced senses than other hybrids so it wasn’t hard for Chan to hear you and Woojin’s frequent arguments about him

Woojin kept saying that Chan was dangerous, he wouldn’t say why, but he seemed to be fairly certain that Chan would eviscerate you and your family in your sleep or something

You argued that you’d been alone with Chan plenty of times and he’d never shown a tendency toward violence for anything, much less people

Chan didn’t want to be a burden and he certainly didn’t want to cause a rift between you and your best friend

So one night he tried to leave your house

He didn’t really have a plan, he was in an unfamiliar place and the last thing he wanted was to be caught by the government

But you’d been so nice to him and he really liked you and he was terrified to ruin your life the way he thinks he ruined his family’s

He was so emotionally upheaved that night that even though he had amazing senses, he didn’t hear you get out of bed

You were going in the kitchen for a midnight snack when you saw him about to go out of the front door

You ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle before you knew what you were doing

Chan froze, surprised to say the least

“Please don’t go. You don’t have anywhere to go and I don’t want you to get hurt. Please stay.”

Stay

You wanted him to stay

The next thing you knew Chan burst into tears

He cried for a loooongg time

You both just sat on the sofa with him sobbing in your arms and holding you like you would disappear

Chan got better after that

He still didn’t talk, but he got out of bed now. He did chores around the house and helped with your homework

yes his father actually taught him school things lmao

i go to school boi

your parents were amazed at the change in him

Chan didn’t really smile that much or have a lot of facial expressions at all

And if you ever passed by his room at night, you’d probably hear him crying

Plus sleep didn’t come easily at all to him, his case of insomnia was quite severe

But baby steps

Even though Chan didn’t walk, you and your family certainly talked to him

You always included him in the conversation and you could tell he was listening

Woojin still didn’t want to be around Chan

Chan would stay out of whatever room Woojin was in. He knew that Woojin was aware of what he was and that he was terrified of him, so he gave him space

Whenever Chan would stray too close to Woojin, he would freeze and stop talking, the hair on the back of his neck raised, and he wouldn’t relax until Chan got farther away from him

You had no clue why he was acting like this

Woojin was a grizzly bear hybrid, damn near an apex predator, and he acted like a mouse whenever he saw Chan

A year passed, you’re now 14 and Chan’s 15, and one night, Chan was sitting in the kitchen unable to sleep

That night, sleep happened to be eluding you as well so you decided to join him

That night was the first time you ever heard Chan talk

And it was about his family

He told you every single thing he ever knew about his parents and his siblings. About the way they were raised and how funny Hannah was and how much he liked looking at the stars with his mom

When your parents came down for work, Chan was still talking

They didn’t go to work that day and you didn’t go to school

You all sat with Chan and listen to him talk about his life

He didn’t mention anything about what he was, that was a bit too much for him

And he didn’t mention anything about what happened to his family, but judging from how much he loved them and the fact that they weren’t with him now, you all knew something terrible happened to them

That conversation was exactly what Chan needed

It felt so good to talk about his family, to tell someone about them

And even though that didn’t take away his survivor’s guilt at all, he felt a lot better

And he was talking now, he didn’t cry as much, and he slept more :)

He was slowly, very slowly, going through some kind of recovery

Chan is very thankful to you and your family for saving him

And even to Woojin, because even though he thinks Woojin hates him, he knows that Woojin was the one who saved him and brought him there in the first place

Because of this Chan grew quite overprotective of all of you

He always cooked, made you healthy but still somehow delicious food, helped where he could with your homework, did chores, made you and your parents packed lunches with cute notes in them, even throwing extra snacks in yours and telling you to give it to Woojin who would always blush when you gave them to him

Even though he’d been so cold at the beginning, he was so loving and thoughtful, and sweet that even Woojin was finding it hard to be scared around him anymore

He still didn’t let Chan too close and he was still observably wary of him, but they could at least be in the same room and carry a conversation now

wow, we stan character development

Chan eventually enrolls in school with you and Woojin

Your parents are some chaotic good, law-breaking ass activists, and managed to secure some fake records and papers and stuff for Chan

You, looking at the very convincing documents: “Uh, how did you guys get this?”

One of your parents says, “Email” while the other simultaneously says, “Triangle” and then they both start glaring at each other

The other kids at school are kind of scared of Chan at first tbh

In multiple videos of SKZ, some of the members say other trainees were scared of him and he didn’t talk to people and I find that so hard to believe but yet at the same time.....i can totally see it

He has an expressionless face and just stalks around the halls in his all-black but at the same time he’s intimidatingly gorgeous, not to mention he glares at anyone that he thinks is mistreating you and Woojin and he’s serious af about his schoolwork

But he’s also really sweet and kind and helps people with homework, helps people talk to their crushes, and beats up bullies

He becomes pretty popular very quickly

He joins the swim team and is a fucking beast, bringing home medal after medal

He gets high grades in AP classes and tutors a bunch of people and all the teacher’s love him and he’d kind of surprised because wow he’s happy and life is going good

Woojin is already pretty popular cause he’s hot af and has blessed the school choir with his godly voice

And you’re best friends with him and now also best friends with the hot new swim team captain and everyone’s like WHAT IS THEIR SECRET

You have a shit ton of girls constantly coming @ u asking how to confess to Woojin and you’re like??? as if i have a fucking clue cause i like them too bitch tf

But THATS FOR ANOTHER HEADCANON (these are so long that I’m going to make a separate headcanon for all of the members that’s about dating hybrid SKZ, so we’re not going over that right now, this is just about them as general hybrids)

Another year goes past, you’re 15 and Chan’s 16 and Woojin is pretty comfy with Chan by this point

This is also when you and Woojin are just now learning of Chan’s birthday

“WHAT THE HELL CHRIS? WHY DIDN’T YOU FUCKING SAY SOMETHING?!”

“I don’t know, I guess I just forgot.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU FORGOT, WHAT THE F U C K!”

Unfortunately, his bday has already passed but you, Woojin, your parents, and Chan’s parents all decide to throw him a bday party anyway

So Chan gets home after swim practice one day, and he’s v pouty and salty about the fact that you and Woojin didn’t wait for him to walk him home

But then he walks in and sees all the party decorations and food and cake and you’re all standing there smiling at him, all so loving and caring that he can’t stop himself

“I’m a direwolf hybrid”

For a few seconds, Chan doesn’t even process what he’s said

It’s silent immediately

You and Woojin’s parents have their jaws dropped and you’re confused as hell

Woojin just looks really really sad

And Chan doesn’t know what do to

He loves all of you, you’re like his family. He already lost one, he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to take losing another one

He doesn’t want you to be afraid of him, doesn’t want you to turn him in, or kick him out

But he doesn’t want to leave you either

He knows that your parents and Woojin’s are hybrid rights activists and instilled those values into you and Woojin but he feels that that’s different

Chan doesn’t have a cute little tail or ears on his head. And, unlike most hybrids, he can full-on change into the animal he’s mixed with. He’s more like a werewolf, an ancient monster, than a hybrid like Woojin

And Chan doesn’t know what else to do so he runs

He sprints out of the door at a speed that you’ve never seen before

And even though you’d previously thought direwolves and their subsequent hybrids were just a fairy tale monster to scare kids, you instantly believe him

You also don’t give two single shits

Because you love Chan, you care about him and he’s your best friend. You know how good of a person he is and yeah, you’ve heard about how dangerous direwolves are but you trust Chan and you know he would never hurt you

You all go out and look for him but you know it’s pretty much a lost cause. The city is big and Chan was raised to be able to hide and survive if you wanted, you guys don’t have a chance of finding him if he doesn’t want you to

You just have to trust that he’ll come back

You guys don’t see a trace of Chan for two days

During this time, Woojin reveals that this was something he knew from the moment he saved Chan. He could smell it in his scent, very similar to a wolf hybrid’s but with a trace of something else a lot more powerful. It was the reason he was so terrified and mistrusting of him

He feels really guilty about how he treated Chan at first, feeling like it was his fault that Chan was convinced you’d all hate him now

Because he knows Chan’s aware that he knew and he thinks he’s the one that scared him so much about revealing that

Even though you’re, admittedly, a little miffed at him, you understand and you can see how much he’s beating himself about it now

You both especially start freaking out when you connect the dots and realize that that's what must have happened to Chan’s family. They were hunted and he blames himself

When Chan finally comes back, he’s surprised to get tackled in hugs, you’re all crying and talking about how worried you were about him and how you thought you’d never see him again

And he sees that you all still love him and this doesn’t really change anything

Chan didn’t think he missed his wolf form that much until you all take a trip out to the woods one day and he can finally shift again

he’s entirely too massive to be going into his wolf form in the house

and you and Woojin are just amused as shit watching this absolutely massive apex predator frolicking around in the grass, chasing you all and nipping at your heels, laying around with his tongue hanging out of his mouth

And you two are like wow we would really die for this thing

But it’s ok cause Chan would die for yall too 

The Amalgam Star System 

Starlink Intergalactic Navigator 

[aeirithgainsborough]

very Important adam/ronan things to take away from the cdth sampler:

“like the other lynch brothers, he was a regular churchgoer, but most people assumed he played for the other team.” i am SCREAMING. top tier gay joke. well timed.

everyone: ronan’s eyes aren’t pretty. adam: mhmm  e y e l a s h e s

much to say about the revelation that ronan is partly at the barns to keep his dreams hidden and in check, and how much he relates an inability to change and be like everyone else to having to stay there. almost like he’s stuck huh! i’ve been saying!!

of note that words used to describe ronan’s existence are BORED and MALINGERED.

fingers crossed he finds some balance between his dreams and his wants/needs that allows him to leave the barns and grow but after the Great Crab Disaster I’M WORRIED.

fire imagery EVERYWHERE. i’m WORRIED again.

“there are stains that spread faster than you drive. if you drive, it’ll take fourteen years to get there. seventeen. forty. one hundred. we’ll be driving to your funeral by the end.” good to know ronan is still the most DRAMATIC boy in the whole of virginia. absolutely no chill.

dont like the possible foreshadowing of that driving to your funeral by the end, though. must leave lynches alone!

“it’s very safe” asjkajjka DECLAN PLEASE 

“ronan kicked one of the volvo’s tires” asjkajjka RONAN PLEASE. 

ronan trying to act nonchalant by cramming chocolate covered peanuts into his mouth and choking a little is Peak Disaster Gay. 

matthew’s music must be awful if ronan and declan are in agreement over it, must have playlist. 

ronan who lives to pretend he doesn’t care wondering if his brothers didn’t say anything about his moving because it didn’t make a difference to them is huhhh. don’t like it, take it away pls.

i’m sorry, ENTIRELY WRAPPED UP IN! ENTIRELY! 

entirely

wrapped

up

in

shut up!!!! shut upppppp! 

“is there any version of you that could come with me to cambridge?” tbh nothing would have readied me for this. adam i-can-do-everything-alone asking ronan if he could go with him. so much growth, too much pride, nowhere to put it, send help.

the fact that ronan doesn’t stay in cambridge when he visits adam because of plausible deniability, that if he doesn’t try there’s no evidence he can’t make it there. rip. 

ronan! missed! him! like! a! lung! 

dramatic again, but entirely relatable bc damn, same ronan, same. 

a) ronan thinking about how his heartbeat is the same as everyone else’s so he wasn’t that different and b) JUST LIKE ADAM’S HEART WHEN HIS HEAD WAS RESTING ON HIS HEAD = much too much to think about. need to lie down for a bit.

he could move to follow the guy he loved!! we all knew it was love, we’ve always known it was love, but! the words. the words!!!!! brb sobbing.

i have only had jordan for a day and a half but if anything happened to her i would kill everyone in this room and then myself. 11/10 would marry.

art forgery plot confirmed!

THIS WAS HOW IT HAD BEGUN

bitch fkajdkajksja GIVE ME A WARNING. 

still can’t compose myself RE the info that ronan saw adam and immediately sent a desperate prayer up to god 

will the word please ever be the same again? definitely not!

adam’s arms adam’s hands his lovely! boyish! hands!

the description of his expressions with all its contradictions and multitudes is just my favourite thing ever. it encapsulates everything i love about adam fucking parrish.

and the fact that ronan instantly recognised all those multitudes in him. there was always a level of understanding ronan had for adam throughout trc that no one else did and this tells us he had that before he even met him, he just... recognised something in him i just... ;______; 

please 

ronan knowing all the harvard stats because he was the person adam could crow to, how he takes on that adam that is still full of contradictions and multitudes, how he finds it hard but he absorbs all the facts and all of adam’s anxieties, even in the face of his own anxieties about adam leaving and falling in love with the shining, educated people that ronan thinks are better than him. that absolute, unwavering support 😭😭😭

tbh there’s a whole ass lot to unpack in this section so imma try and do it briefly (she says!)

ronan lynch is a romantic cdth confirmed: 

he could have texted adam but he liked the soft surprise of it

over the past few days ronan had played his reunion with adam over in his head MANY TIMES

adam i love you but that outfit sounds awful. you are a student, it’s a friday night, put some sweats on and stuff some cheetos in your mouth. 

the sweet nervousness of their reunion, how they walk past each other and both seem so uncertain. they’re a year into dating and the still get nervous and unsure after a few weeks apart and it’s CUTE and definitely speaks to their excitement/anticipation levels.

THE WATCH. big time softness. 

they hugged hard ;_____; 

im just so relieved that they’re allowed to touch each other and be intimate and aren’t consigned to the ‘boys in love aren’t like that boring boring’ corner. 

the way ronan thinks about how adam fits as he remembered. huh. you’re really gonna do this to me.

his hand still pressed against the back of ronan’s skull the way it ALWAYS did when they hugged. 

you smell like home. you smell like home!!!!!! brb ive gone absolutely fucking feral. 

i both want to play repo because it sounds fun and don’t want to because it sounds complicated and i fucking hate instructions. much confusion. 

adam pressing his shoe hard against ronan’s and then his leg and then breathing in ronan’s ear I AM HOWLING. ronan’s nerve endings being made a marvel of I AM SOBBING. it’s very important that m/m ships are afforded the same level of explicit attraction as m/f (and i don’t mean explicit as in nsfw, i mean as in obvious)

no offence because i love them but all of adam’s friends sound Extra™

“to the outside eye, ronan lynch was a loser” pls ronan, you are giving me an ulcer.

scary spice i asjkjdkjskdjak

queer crying club! i stan!!

also adam saying in the epilogue of trk that he wanted to save all the adam’s hidden in plain view and then going to college and scooping up all the criers and giving them something to do is far too much to handle.

don’t think about that and the time he thought about how he used to spend his nights crying on the trailer steps and wondering why he bothered until gansey came along and offered him friendship. dont think about how he’s essentially paying that forward DON’T THINK ABOUT IT.

hand holding, arms around each other, hip to hip walking, can’t wait anymore kissing, I MISSED YOU. love that for me! 

but also the fact that adam reaches down for ronan’s hand and its so natural. ronan’s hand is there so he just. takes it. 

hearing ronan’s thoughts on what happened with robert at last is A Lot. the way it’s still happening, always happening, kept fresh and savage shows how affected ronan was by it all and still is and i think its so important that he’s not just. angry and hot headed. there’s more to it than that. its painful, it makes him feel sick, its unending and it really speaks to how much adam means to him. 

adam thinks he has no one BITCH YOU’VE GOT ALL OF US. 

and ronan. 

but. how he feels like he has nothing still. the way his voice hitches on ‘because’ because it’s all still so painful. i wanna wrap him up. i wanna take everything that hurts away. i wanna tell him he’s so loved. guess i’ll just have to sit back and watch him work his way through it all I GUESS. no but i am looking forward to his growth in this trilogy, especially considering how much he’s grown already. adam parrish invented character growth lets 👏 be 👏 real 👏

it had never been a fight between them/it was a fight between adam and himself, between adam and the world/for ronan it was a fight between truth and compromise, between the black and white he saw and the reality everyone else experienced. i LOVE this. it so well encapsulates them. and it’s so important that they can realise their differing world views and their complexities and meet in the middle somewhere.

“ronan put his lips on adam’s deaf ear, and he hated adam’s father” FUCK ME UP. my absolute favourite bit 103930%. absolute incoherent mess over here. not! okay! see other post for more coherency because i only had it for 5.7 minutes. 

frowning, guarded, crumpled adam who i’ll literally. never be over in all of my life. 38983/10 will love him until the end of time. 

i want it too much. !!!!!! going feral again over here. WHAT DO YOU WANT ADAM? I WANT IT TOO MUCH. definitely will never shut up about this. 

scared adam is going to be a visionary so pretending chapter 6 doesn’t exist. 

LINDENMERE ;________;

i love it already

i CANNOT believe that ronan is being dream invaded and challenged and he’s over here like hmm nice bike ELEGANT and ROUGH and READY like ADAM asjkasj please ronan you are so embarrassing!! 

also. ronan thinks adam is elegant and rough and ready so! there’s that!

i literally. cannot. cope with the HILARITY of chapter 8. the whole thing is a complete and utter DISASTER. it’s absolutely gone off in adam’s room after all his work at constructing a well put together boy. ronan comes for a night and everything goes BONKERS. amazing. 

(really worried about what this means RE ronan being able to exit the barns and grow and change and not be bored and not feel like a loser so we’re focusing on the hilarious disaster of it all.)

p.s. adam sleeping slotted between ronan and the wall OKAY. THIS IS FINE! 

p.p.s. adam’s bed hair is WILD. 

p.p.p.s i have missed adam and ronan so so so so so much and im an emotional fucking wreck

[thadelightfulone]

The Firm - Chapter 10

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9

Summary: Erik has been hired to find an embezzler for an old friend. The whole gang is back at GBI, working to take down an old enemy. 

Pairing: Erik x Black!OC

Genre: Suspense

Words: 6K

CW: Implied Sexual Assault - no details

— Two Days Earlier —

Darkness greets LaNyah as she opens her eyes. There is a small window up high, casting light down into the room. A wave of nausea passes over her as she sits up, she blinks her eyes to adjust to her surroundings. There is soft and comfortable padding underneath her, she figures it is a bed, so at least she is not on some cold hard floor. Shifting the blanket that was over her, she sees her favorite blue Squirtle shirt paired with light blue denim capri pants and all-white low top Vans. The outfit she wore when she was shopping on Saturday before she was kidnapped.

LaNyah inhales deeply before bursting into tears. “Kidnapped! Oh my god, I have been kidnapped.” She lifts her hands to wipe away her tears, but feels a slight sting as she moves, she looks down to find an IV in her arm. “What the hell is going on?” She quietly whispers to herself as her tears silently fall down her face.

Looking around the space, it seems someone changed the small area into a makeshift cell. LaNyah places her hands against the walls, the feel of hard rock greets her. It would be pointless to scream, her voice will not penetrate the concrete. She starts crying again, feeling hopelessness take over, her cries echoing off the walls. LaNyah has no idea of how long she has been out or even what day it is. Bringing her legs to her chest, she curls into herself. Suddenly, the sound of steps outside the door to her small room, stop her sniffling. She lays back down, covers herself back up, and fakes sleep when she hears the doorknob turn.

“Shouldn’t she be awake by now?” A male voice asks. She hears more footsteps enter the space then stop. They are across the room. They must be looking down at her from the staircase by the door.

“Even if she isn’t, we need to move her before the boss arrives.” Another male voice, “Wake her ass up.” She hears the steps of the two men getting closer to her. LaNyah silently prays until one of the men grabbed her arm. She reaches out and scratches the closest one.

LaNyah screams, “GET OFF OF ME!!!” Continuing to claw at both men when they try to grab hold of her. She kicks one of them hard in the chest, stunning him for a moment.  

“Stupid bitch!” He stumbles back, catching his balance before yelling out, “Hit the damn button. I am not getting paid enough for this shit.”

LaNyah looks around trying to figure out what button he is referring to, she sees it and tries to move the machine away but is too late. The other guy grabs the pole and hits the button on the IV pump before she can tear the needle from her arm. The machine whirrs to life, and LaNyah watches as the asshole she kicked waves to her and fakes sleep. She sticks her middle finger up as the sedative rapidly enters her bloodstream, barely hearing the men laugh when her body tumbles to the right and off the bed. She tries to brace herself for the fall, but her arms crumble under her weight, and her head hits the ground as she ultimately passes out.

They watch her for a few minutes to make sure she is under, not taking any chances of another attack. “Pick her up. I got the machine.” LaNyah is transported out of the small room and down the hall to another in the basement.

“Where are we putting her?” He looks around the much larger, already occupied space.

“Drop that bitch on the couch.” The one holding LaNyah lays her on the couch. The second one grabs her arm, carelessly yanking the IV needle from it. “She won’t be needing this anymore.” He drops everything in a biohazard bag and seals it up, “Let’s go. I do not want to be here when the boss comes.”

The two henchmen make their way out of the room. Another set of eyes land on LaNyah, sitting up on their bed. Making their way to the couch, they look at her, grumbling, “So, this is her?”

— Present Day: Tuesday Morning —

Ashley and Stacey are now sitting in the conference room, trying to figure out Gina’s next move. They are both tapping away at their laptops, working in companionable silence. Stacey stares at her cell phone, willing it to ring. Ashley follows her eyes.

“You know that is the 5th time that you have looked at your phone in the last half hour.”

“I can’t help it. Even though we haven’t been friends for long, we talked every day.” Rubbing her shoulders, she looks over at Ashley, “This is so not like her. I could set my watch to her 90% of the time. I’m worried about her, Ash.”

“I understand I really do, but maybe she really needs this time for herself. LaNyah hadn’t called me in about 3 months before Erik showed up. Big and abrupt changes still shake her, but from what you told me, she is finding her way and trying to do a lot of the work on her own. She knows when to reach out if it becomes too much for her.” Ashley smiles brightly. “My little bird is finally learning how to use her wings.”

"Yeah, she is. She told me that if she has to work directly with Erik after all that has happened, then she wanted some time. I just figured Sunday would be enough and that she would be in on Monday like she promised.

“She needs the time to reconcile her feelings for him in order to be around him. That makes sense.” Ashley takes a sip of her tea, “Does LaNyah know that Erik likes her?”

“HA!” Stacey responds, shaking her head with an amused laugh. “No, I had to drag it out of him. But I saw it long before he did. Shoot, I had to point out that she had a crush on him. He acted like he couldn’t tell.” She looks into the office where Erik and Green are talking. “A man like that oblivious to a woman checking him out? I call bullshit.”

Ashley smirks, “No, no that’s him. It’s not obliviousness, so much as willful ignorance.” Stacey laughs, “It’s true. You see him, he grew his hair out and is much bigger, but other than that, ain’t shit changed. Erik knows when he is being gawked at, but because he has never been the relationship type -” she gestures, “Well, to my knowledge and how he was way back when. I can see how he would still have his blinders up.”

“Ashley, Nyah had a mid-meeting daydream about him.” Ashley chokes on her tea, eyes widening over the cup. “Yes, he called me in because she was non-responsive. She looked really peaceful then something jolted her out of her fantasy, she got embarrassed and wouldn’t make eye contact with him any longer that day.”

Ashley places her tea back on the table, “Erik knew then.” She nods, “But like I said, and you have found out, he is the king of compartmentalizing things. He clearly decided to take the nonchalant path when it comes to LaNyah.”

Stacey hums in agreement, “I said something about him being in trouble, and he laughed it off.”

“Oh, that’s because he had his defenses up. There was no way Erik ever thought his attraction to her could prevent him from doing any part of his job. Until it did.” Ashley looks at her watch, “You said she should be up around 11, right?”

“Yeah, after her team meeting.” Stacey down looks at her phone. “Do you think we should tell her?”

“About how Erik feels?” Stacey nods in response. “No, her feelings about him are already a lot for her. I think that his actions not matching his feelings would further confuse her. We know Erik betrayed Nyah’s trust to save himself, but I don’t think she would understand that. It might hurt more to know he willingly did that.”

“Yeah, and Erik already has a lot to deal with since he will be watching her day and night. Nyah just thought she would have to work with him again, not be babysat by a man she will have to learn to trust again.”

They both quietly ponder the conversation before letting it fade away and returning to their previous tasks. Ashley pulls up the top right screen for the account information. The lights are still bouncing around as small amounts of the more substantial money grab dipped in and out of Gina’s dummy accounts.

Ashley and Stacey work independently at the table for more than an hour. Ashley researching more information on Gina and Stacey following the military trail. Ashley stands to stretch before heading to the bathroom. She lets Stacey know that she has something to share.

When she returns, Stacey gets up to walk the room while Ashley shares what she has found. “Gina married Greg right after she graduated from college. They were together for 15 years and with his resources, who knows what she has been able to discover for her plan. She inherited everything. She provides for her nieces and nephew, but does not have any children of her own.”

“She met a man who could fund her revenge.” Ashley silently nods at Stacey’s remark. Stacey moves back to the table, running something from the conference room computer. The screen pulls up some military files for their special ops team. Continuing, Stacey looks at the images on the wall screen, “Following the trail, she must have used; we can see your name on the file from the incident. She was able to follow your career and who was on the team.” Stacey squints at the screen. “Ashley…”

Ashley looks up at the wall, blinking at the mess of reports on the screen. Two papers standing out to her. She shakes her head as she accepts what it means, "Oh no.”

“Yeah, I think we need to tell the guys.”  They both sigh deeply, taking in the new information.

“We already know why she is after me, but what about everyone else?” Ashley thinks aloud while tapping away at her laptop.

Stacey is standing by the windows, looking out over downtown Irvine, “Everything you have.” Turning back to Ashley, “She obviously feels like you are the reason her twin brother is dead. She wants everything that you care about to crash and burn while you watch. Why not your husband’s company?”

“GBI, sure. You ruin my husband and his company, then you hit me. I understand that, but” pointing at the screen, “that does not look like she is coming for only Alex and me.”

“Yeah, I know.” The two women share a knowing look.

— Meanwhile in Green’s Office —

“So, she got you too, huh?” Alex cuts to the chase. Erik takes a seat but says nothing, “It’s ok. LaNyah has that effect on everyone.”

“Yeah, but I’m not everyone.”

Alex rolls his eyes as he stands in front of his desk. “Stacey is right, you know.” Erik looks up at him, “You can care about someone and protect them at the same time. To me, those go hand in hand.”

“I have never seen that.” Alex waves his hands, “Ok, but you and Ashley are different; you were already attracted to her when that happened,” Erik closes his eyes as recognition dawns on him, recalling the discussion from the day before. “Yeah ok, I see what you mean.”

“I get that this is new for you, and you are feeling like a fish out of water, but is it really a bad thing to care for someone? To want someone? I mean, aren’t you tired of being alone?”

“What does being alone have to do with anything?”

“Erik, do you know why Ashley was worried when she discovered LaNyah’s interest in you?”

Erik acting unbothered answers, “Based on her assumption that I slept with Stacey, could it be my track record with women?”

“Yes and no.” Erik scoffs at him, “Can you blame her? If we even saw you with someone, we knew not to remember her face or her name. No use if you know that you will never see them again.”

"Ok, ok, point made. But why no?” Erik gestured for him to continue.

“Her first concern is LaNyah’s well-being. After everything Ashley went through pulling herself together, only to find out children were no longer an option for her; she threw herself into school and work. Ashley needed to find an outlet for what she was feeling and all the love she has to give. It speaks through her work. Having a case like LaNyah’s land on her desk was kismet.” Erik has been nodding his head in understanding while Alex explained, but he shuddered and took a deep breath, realizing the turn this conversation was about to take. “That college party broke her, Erik. If you thought what LaNyah had been through up to that point was bad,” Alex shakes his head, blinking back tears, voice breaking, “She almost didn’t make it.”

Erik releases the breath he had been holding. Jaw clenched, balled up fists by his side, and through gritted teeth, “So, you know about that?”

“Yes, and Ashley knew you would discover it as well. Look at the business you are in; you know what to look for and how to get it. There is no way you did not complete a deep dive when you looked into her background.”

Erik stands, releasing the tension from his body. He starts to pace the area in front of Alex’s desk, “Ashley saw herself in LaNyah.”

Alex leans back on his desk and nods. “The same way, you and I gravitated to Ashley and treated her like family, naturally protective of her. Essentially, LaNyah became our daughter as soon as she finished the program.”

Erik walks back towards Alex, “So, you understand then.” Alex shrugs, “Even with my attraction to her, I can’t get involved.” He rushes out.

“Says who? Did Ashley and I say anything about it?” Alex eyes Erik, who stopped suddenly, “Hell, does LaNyah even know? Because Stacey clearly could tell, and she saw it from both sides.”

Erik looks away from Alex, “No, she hasn’t said ‘Boo’ to me since the day she threw me out of her office.”

“How bad was it?”

“She walked to her door, opened it, and yelled for me to get out. When I made it to the door and reached for her, she flinched. She had tears in her eyes as she quietly asked me to go, and then slammed the door shut as soon as I was on the other side.” Erik huffs, “Total silence ever since. I am a non-entity even when we are in the same room.”

“Well, Mr. Bodyguard. It is time for you two to start speaking again since we need to keep LaNyah safe.”

Not paying attention to Alex’s comment, Erik carries on, “You know Stacey asked me if I wasn’t making a move on LaNyah because of what she has been through.”

“And?”

“It’s not that; it was never that. I don’t look at LaNyah like she is damaged goods. She was dealt a bad hand and encountered more than her fair share of monsters along the way.” With a pained expression and slow stride, he makes his way to the windows. "Once, she opens up, and you really see her. She shines so brightly like you can’t miss that shit. LaNyah doesn’t need someone who can easily remind her of her monsters.”

“You and Ashley, I swear.” Alex laughs. “You don’t know what LaNyah does or doesn’t need. What she is strong enough to handle now.” He claps Erik on the back, standing next to him in front of the windows. “You know why, because LaNyah doesn’t even know that yet. This is the farthest out of her comfort zone and routine she has ever been.” Erik abruptly jerks out of Alex’s hand.

“That’s it!” Erik rushes out of the office and into the conference room, breaking Ashley and Stacey from their thoughts. When Alex makes it out of his office, he starts talking. “You told me that LaNyah follows a routine. Clearly, not just with work but home and any other activities.”

“Sure, she does. It gives her control.” Ashley says.

“Where was she when you called her on Saturday, Stacey?”

“She was in the midst of her weekly shopping. There are like three different stores she goes to for different items.”

“Does she go to them at the same time and in the same order every week?”

“I think so. Why? What are you getting at?” Stacey inquires.

They all watch as Erik pulls Ashley’s laptop towards him and starts typing away.

He throws his search up on the screen. Ashley leans into Alex. “What were you two talking about in there?”

“LaNyah and feelings. I know he is worried about her. She hasn’t said a word to him since the ‘interrogation’ in her office.” He whispers to her.  

“Still convinced that there is no one in the world out there for him?” Alex nodded her way. “I would approve.”

After a quick coughing fit, he looks at her, “Really?”

“Yeah, LaNyah deserves what we have, and well, why not him?” Ashley shrugs. “We know that he is capable of caring for someone beyond thinking of it as part of his job.”

Stacey chuckles, having heard the whole exchange. “Now, someone tell him that.” She points at the man in question. They all smile until they see Erik frowning at the screen.

Erik traces his fingers along a path on the wall and stops on a grayed out box, “Something’s wrong here.” He steps back to let them read the information as he heads for the door, “I gotta go!”

—

Erik pulls up in front of LaNyah’s apartment building. He walks through the parking lot and looks over the covered spaces for her car. He doesn’t see it anywhere and rounds the building to the front. Taking the stairs 2 at a time, he reaches the 3rd floor. Standing in front of 3F, he knocks loudly. Yelling her name, hoping she would answer the door. He tries to call her phone, listen for any ringing in the apartment. Nothing. He reaches for his lock pick set when he hears the door behind him open.

"Excuse me, what are you doing?” Erik turns around to see a young black woman holding a baby on her hip, standing in the doorway.

“I’m sorry, did I wake him?” He looks down at the little boy who was yawning and rubbing his eyes due to the harsh hallway lighting.

“No, but why are you screaming at her door? Who are you?” She steps outside to get a better look at him. Erik is dressed in some black slacks, a gray polo shirt, and black driving loafers. He relaxes his stance and shakes his head as he watches her pupils dilate while looking him over. She smiles up at him when she finally makes it back to his face.

He rolls his eyes and exhales quietly, trying to remain calm. “I’m Erik. A work friend of LaNyah’s. Have you seen her?”

She walks closer, holding her hand out to him, “Hi Erik, I’m Tiffany.” He acknowledges her but doesn’t take her hand. Tiffany drops her hand, scoffing at his expectant look.

They both turn when they hear someone coming down the hall. Erik steps back, leaning on the door to LaNyah’s apartment. It is an older man who looks between Tiffany and Erik.

“Young lady, don’t you already have a man?” He points to the little one in her arms. A choking sound comes from behind him, but he keeps looking at Tiffany.

“Man, Mr. Maxwell. Mind your business.” She waves him away, moving her baby to her other hip.

“I would if your business was conducted behind closed doors, Tiffany.” Erik puts his fist up to cover his laughter. Mr. Maxwell swiftly turns to face Erik. “And you boy, ain’t you got some business anywhere but here?”

Erik moves away from the door, straightening up to his full height. “My business is here, sir. I am looking for the woman who lives in this apartment.” He points behind him.

“Oh, Miss LaNyah?” Erik nods, “You know what?” He scratches at his greying beard. “Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen her since Saturday morning. I passed her before she left to run her errands. I usually see her on Sunday for Wash Day, too, but not this week.”

Erik clasps his hands together in front of him. “Tiffany?”

“No, I haven’t seen her since Friday night when she came home from work.” Erik’s face falls, Tiffany and Mr. Maxwell watch him. “Is everything ok? Where’s LaNyah?”

"I don’t know, but I will find out.” He starts making his way down the hall, facing them, “Thank you for your help.” Erik turns around and runs towards the stairs.

—

Alex is standing near the screen while Ashley and Stacey are huddled together in front of a laptop when Erik bursts into the conference room.

“We were too late!” Everyone watches as he slams his hands on the table. “FUCK!”

Ashley’s voice falters, “Erik, what are you talking about?”

“She’s gone.” He looks up at them with a distressed air. “LaNyah is gone,” Ashley screams, and Stacey pulls her into a hug. “No one has seen her since Saturday.” He walks to the screen and points at the spot he noticed before leaving. “Her phone signal dies here mid-day Saturday. Probably not too long after she spoke with Stacey.”

Alex looks at the distraught women, “Erik, I need you to calm down and listen. There is more.”

He turns on Alex, and impatiently asks, “What do you mean, more?”

Stacey speaks up from where she is holding Ashley, “We did more searching this morning and found Gina’s hit list.”

“Hit List?” He rubs his temples, “Is she going after the whole team?”

“That’s the thing. The list only has three names on it.” Alex pulls up another screen. Erik quickly surveys the documents on the screen.

“When did she pull these documents up?” Erik flops down into the nearest chair. “Do we have a date on her search?”

“Three weeks ago.” Stacey releases Ashley while Alex takes her place, holding her. “She has taken out at least 7 of her own people over the last two years, tracking down all this information.”

“We discovered that she was able to find every member of our team except one.” Ashley softly interjects, “Until now.” She looks over to him. “I’m so sorry, Erik.”

He waves away Ashley’s concern. “How did she manage to get unredacted copies of these files?” He enlarges one of the reports. “This clearance to access these goes all the way to the top.”

“Somebody either gave her their login information, or she is paying out the ass for it. Either way, you were added to the list, so she must have figured out you were the missing team member.” Alex states.

“Who is Killmonger? He sounds scary as hell.” Stacey looks back at them as they all avoid her stare. She points to the report. "It says he single-handedly took out 5 men who were trying to ambush one of his teams.”

“Stacey, drop it.” Ashley pleads with her. “We should focus on finding Nyah.”

“Come on. You guys obviously know him.”

“Stacey!”

"What? I mean, with skills like his, we should reach out to him to help us find LaNyah and get rid of the vengeful bitch.”

Alex stifles a laugh while Ashley punches him. "She does have a point.” Stacey looks over to Erik, who has his back to them, intensely staring at the screen.

“Erik?” He doesn’t respond. Instead, he stands up stoically and slowly turns around. He appears bigger and taller, his eyes darkened, and his energy is threatening, murderous even. He looks at Ashley and Alex. They nod their heads in understanding.  

Sternly, he starts making commands of everyone. “Bridges, I need you to look for any properties that Gina owns. Green, follow me. There is someone we need to speak with downstairs.” Ashley pulls her laptop across the table, Alex stands up and walks to Erik while Stacey pops up, ready to speak. “Sit. Down. Stacey. Bridges will fill you in.”

Stacey watches as Erik and Alex walk to the elevators, she sits back down with a huff. She looks over to Ashley. “What just happened?”

“You asked for Killmonger.” She shakes her head methodically as a sly grin breaks across her face. Shrugging her shoulder, “Now, you got him.” She pulls up another document on the screen. It is a dossier for one, Erik ‘Killmonger’ Stevens.

—

As the elevator doors close, Green hits the button for the 31st floor and looks at Stevens, “How are we playing this, Kill?”

Erik is standing at attention, staring directly at the closed doors. “The team thinks I am recruiting for one of your special assignments. I have made my decision, and we are going to tell Mr. Stone in person.”

Green mirrors Stevens as the elevator descends the final two floors. He rolls his shoulders back, straightening his stance. Neither man thought they would be back in this same position presenting a united front, nearly 20 years later. He takes a moment to prepare to do his part, backing any move that Kill makes. It isn’t about him, it never was. It’s something they started years ago and will continue to do until the end, protect Bridges and now LaNyah.

The elevator bell dings as they reach the Accounting floor. When the doors open, the two men walk out of the car side by side. They approach the front desk where Sandi sits. She looks up at them and immediately stops what she is doing.

“Mr. Green,” she acknowledges each man, “Mr. Stevens, how can I help you, gentlemen?”

Green tries to keep the menace out of his voice, “Please call Matt to the front. We need to speak to him.”  

“Oh, he must have gotten the special assignment position. How wonderful!” She picks up her phone and calls his office, “Matt, Mr. Green and Mr. Stevens are out here. They want to speak to you.” A dial tone sounds on the line, Sandi stares at the phone and puts it back on the base. “He hung up. He must be on his way.” She cheerfully explains.

Immediately, Green runs back towards his office while Stevens stays in front, waiting for Matt to make his way to him. Matt zig zags his way through the assembly of cubicles that are back to back. Green spots him and cuts him off, forcing Matt to run along the right side of the floor.  

“Stevens, on your left!” Kill hears the directive from Green and moves to his left at the exact moment Matt comes into his line of sight. He is running too fast to stop and runs straight at Stevens. Matt shifts to pass him on the right when Kill’s arm comes out, clotheslining him.

“Going somewhere, Matthew?“ Matt hits the carpeted floor hard. Stunned, he has no time to recover before Green comes from behind him and snatches him up. Kill glares at him as he grabs Matt’s other arm, and they walk him back to the elevator. Matt slumps over, forcing them to carry his dead weight onto the car when it arrives.

Green and Stevens drag him off the elevator and into the conference room. Bridges pulled a fold-up black chair towards the empty area in preparation for Matt’s arrival. The women get to work tying him up once he is set on the chair. Standing up, Stacey and Bridges move back to stand next to Green and Stevens.

Matt looks up at them and starts whimpering. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry. Please don’t’ kill me. I have a baby on the way.”

“How many properties does she own?” Kill asks.

“We are looking for anything in an industrial area. The bigger and more isolated, the better.” Green adds.

“25 in total across the U.S. 7 in California alone,“ Ashley responds.

"Do you think they are still in the state? She has a 72-hour head start over us.” Stacey interjects.

Green nods his head, “Yeah, they are still here. Gina wants to draws us out. She’s not taking them out of the state.”

“Besides, dipshit over there has an 8-month pregnant fiancée. Flying would be the fastest way to get them as far away as possible, but it’s a no go with Laura, too.” Kill watches Matt, who has been blubbering in the background until he heard Laura’s name.

“W-what? Laura is at her mother’s house in Bakersfield.” He sniffs, “I spoke with her a few days ago.”

Ashley asks, “What day?” Stacey pulls up a map and spots the grayed out location tag. “According to this, her phone signal died Friday night.” Matt looks at the screen and notices that the phone went out at her mother’s house.

“Shit, shit, shit, shit.” He struggles in the chair, trying to drag it forward. “It was on Friday. Let me call her mom. I can prove that she is there.”

“Stacey, call Laura’s mother. Put it on speaker.” Kill stands behind Matt, “Get yourself together, she already doesn’t like you.”

The phone rings 3 times before it is picked up. “Hello.”

Matt clears his throat before speaking, “Hey Martha, can I speak with Laura?”

“Matt? She ain’t here. My friend Mrs. Williams offered to take her on a spa retreat for the weekend. She was picked up on Friday night.” Matt’s face falls at her statement. Bridges and Stacey have another map pulled up on the screen, it has pins on all of Gina’s properties in California.

“Did they mention which spa?“ Matt’s voice starts to crack, and Kill squeezes his shoulders.

“Yeah, I think they said La Jolla. Leave her alone, Matt. This is her free time to relax before the baby comes.”

“Yeah, I understand. Thanks, Martha.” Stacey hangs up the phone while Matt breaks down. Through his tears, he looks up at the screen, “Gina has a warehouse where she conducts business in San Diego.” Stacey circles the location and texts the address to everyone.

“We leave in an hour.” Matt relaxes into the chair, “Oh no, don’t get comfortable. You are coming with us.” Kill snarls at him.

—

Something is wrong. LaNyah wakes up with a dull headache. She crosses her arms over her face as her mind repeats the same queries over and over. How will anyone know she is missing? Someone has to be looking for her, right? Who would want to take her, and for what? She has no enemies and keeps to herself. How will anyone find her? She exhales out all those feelings and decides it is time to deal with her reality, whatever it may be at this point.  

She looks up at the ceiling and knows that she is not in the same room as before. She closes her eyes again, counts to 100, stretches out, and slowly sits up on the bed. Looking at her attire, she notices someone changed her clothes. No longer in her cute shopping outfit, she is in a huge plain white tee with gray sweatpants and white socks.

She shudders, thinking one of those men might have touched her while she was unconscious. Closing her eyes once more to center herself, not wanting to dwell on that, she tries to think of anything else. Still not knowing what day it is, her mind shifts to work and her chosen family – Alex, Ashley, and Stacey.

LaNyah finds herself smiling, even thinking about Erik. He may have been an inconsiderate jerk to her for whatever reason, but it’s not like she hates him. She knows he has been trying to apologize to her since then. Maybe she should finally hear him out. LaNyah opens her eyes and resigns herself to just that when she gets out of there.  

People are looking for her. She grins to herself, then laughs. If anyone is looking for her, it would be all of them. Yeah, she’s gonna be just fine. She starts humming to herself until she hears some movement from the other side of the room. For the first time, she realizes this room is much bigger than her other makeshift cell.

It reminds her of a college dorm split in half down the middle. Each side identical with a small bed against the wall, a chair, and a lamp. In front of her is a big shared living area complete with a couch, matching side chairs, and a coffee table. So, she moved from a private room to their dormitory, that’s cute. The movement draws her attention again. Who could be on the other side of the room?

LaNyah scoots to the end of the bed, throwing her legs over when she notices the bruising on her arm. Must have happened when they removed the IV line from her arm. She rubs the area, knowing it is going to leave a dark spot there even after the bruise disappears. She gets up following the noise, some soft grunting coming from the other bed against the wall.

She can only make out a lump in the center. The grunting grows louder the closer LaNyah gets to the bed. She kneels beside the woman bent over in pain. “Are you ok? Is there anything I can do to help you?”

“Get away from me.” Laura shoves her away. “This is all your fault. Why did you have to be such a little kiss ass?” Not expecting that LaNyah falls back without supporting herself.

“What are you talking about?” She gets up and dusts herself off. “I don’t even know you.” LaNyah turns around and goes back to her side of the room.

“Are you kidding me? You’re Green’s pet project. You are trying to steal my fiancé’s job.” Laura clutches at her stomach.

"I really have no idea what you are talking about. But you may want to calm down before you cause the baby any unnecessary stress.” LaNyah watches as Laura yells out again, from pain or frustration, she can’t tell.

“Matthew Stone!” LaNyah heart drops, hearing his name. His fiancée is stuck in this room with her. How can that be? Is he the one responsible for the missing money at GBI?

“Matt?” She shakes her head, “You are mistaken. I am being framed for embezzlement, and you think I am trying to steal his damn job.” LaNyah hisses at Laura.

“Ladies, ladies. There is no need to argue.” Both of their heads snap towards the door. Walking down the stairs is the older woman that LaNyah helped before she was snatched from the parking lot. Laura starts crying upon recognizing the woman.

“Are you here to kill us?” LaNyah looks suspiciously at Laura.

“Not yet, dear.” Gina walks over to the couch, “Please join me, and I will explain everything.“ She sits on the right side, pointing to the left for Laura, who waddles over and sits beside her, “and LaNyah, you can sit in this chair to my right.”

“H-how do you know my name?” LaNyah quietly asks, “W-who are you?”

“Come, come. I promise to tell you everything before your friends arrive.” She pats the arm of the chair. LaNyah slowly makes her way over, and plops down into the chair, before curling up with her arms around her legs. “There we are.” Gina claps her hands together and lays them in her lap. “Once upon a time – or rather, 18 years ago is where this story begins.”

Chapter 11

A/N: Thank you for all the love and support for this story. Special shout out to the lovely, @soufcakmistress for letting me pick her brain. 

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