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faebled-stories · 3 days ago

Text

More Than Enough

Kinkvember Day 20: Tender/Body Appreciation

Red Velvet Joy (Park Sooyoung) x Male reader

AN: Much softer fic for today compared to the past couple ones.

The room was quiet except for the faint hum of the air conditioner and the occasional creak of the walls as the night settled in. You lay under the covers, your phone in hand, its soft glow casting faint shadows on the walls. The lavender scent from Sooyoung’s pillow surrounded you, mingling with the warmth of the sheets. It should have been comforting—everything about this space usually was—but tonight, it felt distant, like a faint echo of a memory you couldn’t quite reach.

That photo lingered in your mind, an unwelcome ghost haunting the edges of your thoughts.

You’d stumbled upon it earlier that week, scrolling aimlessly through social media. It appeared with cruel precision: Sooyoung’s ex, fully naked, entangled with the woman he’d cheated on her with. The image was intimate, raw, and brimming with confidence. But it wasn’t just his chiseled abs or the smug grin on his face—it was him.

His large, imposing frame; the effortless way he exuded certainty; and the undeniable size of his manhood, a detail impossible to ignore. It was the kind of comparison that clung to you, reshaping your perception of yourself no matter how much you tried to shake it.

No matter how many times you remind yourself that Sooyoung had chosen you, that she loved you, the doubts wouldn’t quiet. Did she ever look at him the way she looked at you? Did she tell him she loved him with the same tenderness? Did she mean it as much?

The sound of running water stopped, followed by the faint squeak of the shower handle turning. Moments later, the bathroom door opened, and a warm cloud of steam spilled out into the room. Sooyoung stepped through, her damp hair clinging to her shoulders, her bare skin glowing in the light that spilled out from behind her. Her bare feet padded softly across the hardwood floor as she crossed the room without hesitation, pulling back the covers to slip in beside you.

Her warmth enveloped you instantly, her body fresh from the shower, her skin carrying the faint, floral sweetness of her body wash. The scent blended with the lingering musk from your earlier intimacy, wrapping around you both like a cocoon. She nestled against your chest, her bare leg draping over yours, her damp hair brushing against your skin.

“You’re still awake?” she murmured, her voice soft and curious.

You quickly slipped your phone under the pillow, as if hiding it could keep the storm inside you from spilling out. “Yeah,” you said, forcing a weak smile. “Just… thinking.”

Sooyoung tilted her head, her eyes flicking upward to meet yours. Her fingers began tracing lazy patterns on your stomach, the motion light and soothing. “Hmm,” she hummed softly, her tone unconvinced but not pushing yet.

She shifted closer under the covers, the softness of her skin brushing against you, the heat of her body settling into yours. “I missed you,” she whispered, her voice tinged with affection. “All I could think about was coming home to you.”

Her words should have reassured you. Any other night, they would have. But tonight, they only deepened the ache in your chest. Why me? Why now? Why not him?

“You okay?” she asked after a moment, her fingers stilling against your chest. Her tone grew more serious, her brows furrowing slightly as she searched your face.

You nodded quickly, forcing your voice to sound steady. “Yeah, same as you—long day.”

She watched you for a moment longer, her gaze lingering like she was trying to read between the lines. Then she leaned up, her lips brushing softly against yours. The kiss was warm and familiar, but your mind remained distant. Her hands moved gently along your chest, her touch light, and while your body responded instinctively, the storm in your mind raged on.

Her fingers brushed your cheek, coaxing your attention back to her. She shifted slightly, straddling your lap under the covers, her movements fluid and unhurried. The golden light of the bedside lamp cast shadows along her face, highlighting the tenderness in her gaze. She kissed you again, her lips deliberate, her touch grounding.

“Sooyoung…” you murmured against her mouth, your voice faltering as the lump in your throat made it hard to speak.

She pressed her forehead to yours, her arms wrapping around your shoulders. “I love you,” she whispered, her breath warm against your skin. “Just be here with me, okay?”

Her words lingered in the quiet, their sincerity like a lifeline. She stayed close, her presence unwavering, her body flush against yours. Her warmth, her scent, the steady rhythm of her breathing—it should have been enough to pull you back.

“I needed this,” she murmured, her voice thick with affection. Her lips ghosted over your neck, her breath sending a shiver down your spine. “I’ve missed this—you, us.”

You nodded, your hands sliding down to her waist, fingers tracing the familiar curves of her body under the covers. Her skin was warm, her damp hair brushing against your forehead as she leaned closer. The rhythm of her touch—the way her fingers ghosted over your shoulders and the gentle roll of her hips—should have grounded you. It should have been enough.

But the dense fog of doubt lingered, clouding your thoughts even as she moved against you.

When she lowered herself onto you, her body trembled with a soft gasp, the sound sending a ripple of heat through you. Her back arched beautifully, her hands bracing against your chest as she adjusted to your shape. The intimate press of her body against yours was breathtaking, a perfect fit that always felt like home. Her hips began to move in a deliberate rhythm, slow and sensual, each roll igniting a spark of pleasure that spread through you both.

A soft moan escaped her lips, growing louder with each movement. The sound was raw and unrestrained, filling the quiet room with a symphony of her pleasure. Her head tilted back, her damp hair cascading down her shoulders as her body moved with an effortless grace, her chest rising and falling with every deliberate motion.

“You feel so good,” she whispered, her voice trembling as her hands slid into your hair, her fingers curling around the strands. Her lips brushed against your ear, her breath warm and uneven, sending a shiver down your spine. “You always do.”

Her words, thick with sincerity and affection, should have soothed the ache in your chest. But instead, they hung in the air, unable to pierce the storm swirling in your mind. Even as her body moved in sync with yours, even as her warmth surrounded you, the cruel questions persisted. Did she say this to him? Did he make her feel this way without even trying?

Your hands moved instinctively, finding her hips and guiding her rhythm, but every action felt detached, mechanical. Her soft cries of pleasure grew, her hands pressing into your chest as her pace quickened, chasing a climax that felt just out of reach. Her body clenched around you, her movements becoming more urgent as she lost herself in the moment.

The sight of her—her flushed skin, the way her lips parted as she gasped your name—should have pulled you deeper into the connection. But instead, you felt like an observer, watching from the outside as the weight of your insecurities rooted itself deeper in your chest.

“Don’t stop,” she gasped, her voice breaking with need as her hands slid back up to your shoulders. Her nails grazed your skin lightly, and her eyes met yours, shining with an unspoken trust that made your chest ache. “Right there… oh, God, baby, right there.”

Her words should have been intoxicating, the way her body moved against yours captivating. But even as her pleasure built, even as her cries filled the room, you couldn’t shake the bitterness that whispered cruel comparisons in your ear. You wondered if she looked like this with him, if he made her feel this uninhibited, this free.

When your release finally came, it surged through you like a tidal wave, intense but hollow. Your body tensed beneath hers, the pleasure wracking your frame even as guilt settled heavily in its wake. Her moans didn’t stop, her forehead pressing against yours as her breathing steadied, her soft, contented sigh brushing against your skin.

But you knew. You could feel it in the steadiness of her movements, in the subtle shift of her breathing compared to your own ragged gasps—she hadn’t reached her climax. She was still moving with slow, deliberate care, her arms wrapping around your shoulders as though she wanted to hold onto the intimacy a little longer.

“Baby,” she murmured, her voice soft and affectionate as she leaned forward to kiss your cheek. Her lips lingered there, warm and sweet, as if to reassure you without words. “That was amazing. You always make me feel so loved.”

Her words, though gentle and full of sincerity, twisted painfully under the weight of your doubts. She curled into your side, her bare leg draping over yours, the scent of her freshly washed skin mingling with the faint musk of your lovemaking. Her arm wrapped around your chest, her fingers tracing light, aimless patterns on your skin.

“I love you,” she whispered, her voice barely audible as she nuzzled against your neck, her breath warm and steady. Her body relaxed completely against yours, her contentment evident in the way she held you. For Sooyoung, this moment wasn’t about reaching a peak. It was about being close to you, about the intimacy you shared. To her, that was enough.

But the storm in your mind refused to relent. Instead of feeling closer, you felt further away, the hollow ache in your chest deepening as you stared at the ceiling. Her satisfaction, her affection, should have been enough to ease your insecurities. But they weren’t. Instead, they served as a reminder of how far you felt from the love she so freely gave.

You tightened your arm around her instinctively, holding her close even as your thoughts spiraled further. The soft rise and fall of her chest against yours, the warmth of her body curled into your side, should have been grounding. But instead, it underscored the gap between what you knew and what you felt.

Her breathing slowed, steady and even as sleep began to claim her. But you stayed awake, trapped in the endless loop of your thoughts, the same cruel questions circling endlessly in your mind.

-----

A couple of days after what you jokingly referred to as ��failed love-making,” you lounged on the couch, legs stretched out, scrolling absently through your phone. The faint glow of the screen illuminated your face, contrasting with the soft, flickering light of the lavender-scented candle on the coffee table. The quiet murmur of the TV filled the room, casting muted colors across the walls. The scent of dinner lingered in the air—a gentle reminder of the shared meal that had made the evening feel warm and easy.

From the kitchen, you heard the faint clink of mugs against the countertop and the low hum of the electric kettle finishing its job. A moment later, Sooyoung appeared in the doorway, her silhouette framed by the kitchen’s warm light. She carried two steaming mugs of tea, their rich herbal aroma cutting through the lavender haze.

Her lips curved into a soft smile as she stepped into the living room, her presence immediately grounding you in the moment. “One chamomile honey tea, just for you,” she teased, setting a mug on the coffee table in front of you. The ceramic clicked softly against the wood before she sank into the cushions beside you, curling up at your side. The familiar scent of her vanilla body lotion drifted around you as she leaned into your shoulder.

You set your phone aside, smiling faintly. “Thanks, babe.” You picked up the mug, letting its warmth seep into your hands before taking a sip. The tea’s heat spread through your chest, the sweetness of honey lingering on your tongue.

Sooyoung rested her head on your shoulder, her hair tickling your neck as she shifted closer. “You smell nice,” she mumbled, her voice slightly muffled against you, her arm draping lazily across your chest. Her fingers toyed with the fabric of your shirt, tracing slow, absent patterns.

You chuckled lightly, tilting your head to brush your cheek against hers. “Do I?”

“Mmhmm.” She kissed your shoulder, the touch light and affectionate. “You always do.”

The room settled into an easy rhythm, the kind of silence that felt full rather than empty. The hum of the television mingled with the occasional creak of the house as the wind brushed against the windows. You loved these moments with Sooyoung—the way her presence could make everything else feel distant, the way she made you feel seen even when neither of you spoke.

Her fingers began tracing more deliberate patterns along your arm, sending a small shiver through you. “Guess what day it is?” she asked suddenly, her tone playful. Her lips curled into a knowing smile as she turned her face up to meet yours.

You chuckled. “Your favorite day of the week?” you guessed, already sensing where this was headed.

“Exactly,” she replied, her voice teasing as she reached up to guide your face toward hers. Her touch was familiar, but there was a quiet insistence to it that made your heart flutter. Without waiting for an answer, she leaned in, her lips meeting yours in a kiss that started soft but quickly deepened. Her fingers threaded through your hair, her body pressing closer to yours as she tilted her head to deepen the connection.

For a moment, the kiss felt like the only thing tethering you to the present. The way her lips moved against yours, warm and inviting, made the world fade away. You responded instinctively, your hands finding her waist and pulling her closer. Her body was warm against yours, her familiar scent wrapping around you like a comfort you couldn’t quite grasp.

But just as the kiss grew more heated, something inside you faltered. You pulled back slightly, breaking the connection. Your hands slipped from her waist as you leaned away, leaving a sudden, noticeable gap between you.

Sooyoung blinked, her brows furrowing slightly in confusion. “What’s wrong?” she asked softly, her hand lingering on your chest as if to steady you. Her eyes searched yours, gentle but concerned.

You offered a small, sheepish smile, but it felt hollow even as you forced it onto your face. “Nothing,” you muttered, turning slightly to grab your phone again. “I’m just… tired, I guess.”

Her frown deepened. “Tired?” she repeated, her voice laced with quiet disbelief. “We’ve been relaxing all evening.”

You shrugged, the motion feeling stiff even to you. “Yeah, I don’t know. Just not really in a… mood,” you said, fumbling for the right words to put a wall between you without outright lying.

She studied you for a moment, her gaze steady but soft. “You sure?” she asked again, her fingers brushing lightly against your arm in a small attempt to reconnect. Her voice held no judgment, just a quiet patience that made your stomach tighten.

“Yeah,” you said, forcing another weak smile. “It’s nothing, really.”

Sooyoung didn’t push further, though the worry in her eyes lingered as she leaned back slightly, giving you some space. She picked up her own mug, staring into it for a moment as though searching for the right thing to say. The warmth that had filled the room earlier seemed to shift, replaced by an almost tangible weight of unspoken tension.

The TV hummed faintly in the background, its muted sound blending with the occasional creak of the couch as you both shifted uncomfortably. Sooyoung glanced at you again, her fingers gripping her mug just a little tighter. “You’ve been different lately,” she said quietly, her tone gentle but direct. “I just… I want to help, if something’s going on.”

Her words hung in the air, filled with an earnest love that made your chest ache. But you couldn’t bring yourself to respond, couldn’t let her in past the wall you had built in your mind. Instead, you nodded faintly, murmuring, “I know,” even as your thoughts churned endlessly beneath the surface.

Sooyoung sighed softly, her hand resting on your arm. “I’m here, you know,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “I love you.”

The tea on the coffee table sat untouched, its steam long gone, forgotten as the once warm, comforting atmosphere shifted into something heavier. Sooyoung sat beside you, her posture relaxed but her eyes betraying the quiet concern she couldn’t quite hide. Her fingers traced absent patterns along the rim of her mug, the motion steady, as though distracting herself from the tension she couldn’t name.

You shifted slightly, leaning into her shoulder. For a brief moment, she stiffened, caught off guard, but then relaxed into the gesture. Her head tilted to rest against yours, her damp hair brushing against your cheek. The floral scent of her shampoo—sweet and familiar—enveloped you, a reminder of her love. It should have been comforting, but tonight, it only amplified the ache in your chest.

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” she said softly, her voice steady but quiet, like she was trying not to startle you. “I’m here. Whatever it is, I’m here.”

Your chest tightened. Her words struck deep, stirring something fragile inside you, but they also weighed heavily. You pressed a kiss to the top of her head, your lips brushing over her silky hair. You wanted to say it—to let the words pour out, to show her the toxic mess that had been swirling in your head ever since you’d seen that damn photo. But the thought of admitting it felt unbearable. How could you let her see this side of you? The smallness, the insecurity?

“I know,” you murmured, but the words sounded hollow, even to you. You tightened your hold on her, your arms wrapping around her like a shield against the storm in your mind. But no matter how close you held her, the distance between you remained—silent, unyielding.

Sooyoung nestled closer, her body warm and soft against yours. Her hand came to rest lightly on your chest, her fingers twitching ever so slightly, as if seeking reassurance. Though her gaze stayed fixed on the TV, you knew her mind was elsewhere. She didn’t understand why you were retreating, but her quiet determination was clear: she wasn’t going to give up. Not on you. Not on this.

After a long silence, she spoke again, her voice cutting through the heaviness like a lifeline. “I love it when we’re close like this,” she said, her tone soft but purposeful. Her fingers began tracing deliberate circles over your chest, the rhythm gentle and soothing. “It’s my favorite thing in the world. But it feels like you’re pulling away from me… and I don’t know why.”

Her words hit you like a punch to the gut. Guilt twisted in your stomach, a knot tightening with every second. You wanted to tell her the truth, to let her in, but the words stayed trapped. How could you explain something that felt so irrational? A picture from her past had no power—no right—to pull you apart like this. Yet it had. It made you feel small, inadequate, like you could never measure up.

“I’m not pulling away,” you said quietly, the lie brittle and fragile. It cracked as soon as you spoke it, shattering under the weight of your doubt. Turning slightly, you forced a smile, weak and transparent. “I promise.”

Sooyoung’s brow furrowed, her eyes narrowing as they searched yours. She wasn’t fooled. Her lip quirked down in a faint frown as she shifted back, just enough to face you fully. “Babe…” she started, her voice dropping to a whisper, tentative and vulnerable. “I can tell when something’s wrong. Did I do something? Say something?”

“No,” you interrupted quickly, the sharpness of your tone surprising even yourself. You sat up straighter, running a hand through your hair in frustration. “No, it’s not you. It’s not anything like that.” You tried to sound firm, but the words wavered, betraying your panic. The last thing you wanted was for her to think this was her fault.

“Then what is it?” she pressed, her voice soft but steady. She reached for your hand, her fingers slipping between yours with deliberate care. Her touch was grounding, her grip steady but gentle. “You don’t have to go through this alone. Whatever it is, I want to help. Please… just talk to me.”

Her words settled between you, warm and patient, her eyes locked on yours with a quiet intensity. Your throat tightened as the weight of what you hadn’t said pressed down on you, harder than ever. You glanced down at her hand, her fingers intertwined with yours, their warmth stark against the cold pit of doubt that churned in your stomach. You felt like you were standing on the edge of a cliff, teetering between burying the truth deeper and finally letting it out.

Sooyoung’s thumb brushed lightly over your knuckles, her touch insistent yet gentle. She wasn’t demanding; she was waiting—waiting for you to trust her with the parts of yourself you were so desperate to hide.

You swallowed hard, then abruptly pulled your hand away, standing up too quickly. “Can you drop it? I’m gonna make dinner,” you said hastily, the words spilling out like a defense mechanism. Without waiting for her response, you walked toward the kitchen, leaving her sitting on the couch in stunned silence.

The soft creak of the cushions and the faint rustle of her clothes as she shifted told you she hadn’t moved. You didn’t need to look back to feel the worry radiating from her. The quiet that followed wasn’t peace—it was thick, heavy, and suffocating.

In the kitchen, the sharp rhythm of your knife hitting the cutting board filled the silence, the vegetables beneath your hands blurring into indistinct shapes as you chopped. Your movements were harsher than necessary, the tension in your chest pressing harder with every slice. The air around you felt stifling, amplifying every sound—the muted clink of utensils, the scrape of the knife on wood, and the occasional creak of the floor as you shifted your weight.

Your phone buzzed against the counter, the vibration rattling like an alarm. You didn’t even glance at it. “Hey,” you called out, louder than you intended. “Can you check my phone? I think I got a message.”

From the living room, Sooyoung stirred, the sound of her soft footsteps growing louder as she approached. “Sure,” she said, her voice careful but curious.

When she picked up your phone, its screen lit up, illuminating the recent searches you hadn’t closed. Her breath caught, her fingers freezing mid-swipe. The words stared back at her, stark and unrelenting: “Red Velvet’s Sooyoung’s ex-boyfriend leak,” “size comparison,” “how to get over feeling inadequate.”

Her chest tightened as the realization settled over her. This was it. This was why you had been distant. Why your warmth had felt muted and your touches hesitant. She felt the weight of it like a lead blanket pressing down on her chest.

“Hey…” she said softly, her voice trembling as she set the phone back on the counter.

At the counter, your chopping faltered, the steady rhythm halting mid-slice. You didn’t turn around, your back stiff and unmoving. "Yeah?" you said, trying to sound casual, but the tightness in your voice betrayed you. The knife hovered in your hand, your grip tightening as if bracing for what was coming.

Behind you, Sooyoung placed the phone carefully on the counter, as though handling something fragile. She took a slow, deliberate breath before stepping closer. "Why didn’t you tell me?" she asked quietly, her voice clear but filled with a mix of hurt and gentle understanding.

The words hit you like a gut punch. Your shoulders tensed, and you turned slowly, your puzzled expression crumbling as your eyes darted to the phone. The realization hit you like a tidal wave, knocking the air from your lungs. Shame crashed over you, heavy and suffocating, as you stared at her. Your lips parted, but no words came out.

"I… I didn’t want you to see that," you muttered finally, your voice brittle, barely above a whisper. Vulnerability clung to your tone, foreign and uncomfortable, as if laying this part of yourself bare was an admission of weakness.

Sooyoung’s expression softened instantly. Her loving eyes brimmed with compassion as she closed the gap between you. "Why not?" she asked gently, her voice a soothing balm to your frayed nerves. "Why didn’t you tell me you’ve been feeling this way?"

You let out a shaky breath, running a hand through your hair as you looked away, your gaze dropping to the counter. "Because it’s stupid," you muttered, frustration thick in your voice. "I saw those pictures of your ex… and I couldn’t stop comparing myself to him. To that."

Her brows knitted together in confusion and sadness. "The leaked photos?" she asked, her tone soft but tinged with disbelief.

"Yeah," you admitted, your voice barely audible. Your hands gripped the edge of the counter, the tension in your knuckles matching the turmoil inside you. "I know it’s dumb. I know it doesn’t matter, but I can’t stop thinking about how he looked—how he fits this perfect image. And me? I don’t feel like I measure up. I’ve been feeling like I’m… not enough for you. Like maybe you’re just being nice, and compared to him…" Your voice cracked, and you exhaled deeply, the confession draining the last of your resolve. "I’m lacking."

Sooyoung’s face crumpled at your words, the weight of your insecurity hitting her squarely. She stepped even closer, her hand reaching out to rest gently on your arm. Her touch was warm and grounding, her eyes swimming with love and concern. "Why would you ever think that?" she whispered, her voice trembling but steady.

You let out a bitter chuckle, shaking your head as you avoided her gaze. "Because it’s obvious," you said, the words sharp and cutting, more directed at yourself than her. "I’ve seen the pictures, Sooyoung. I can see the difference between me and him. I’m nowhere close—"

"Stop," she interrupted, her voice firm yet calm. Her fingers tightened slightly on your arm, anchoring you in the moment. "That doesn’t matter. None of that matters."

Her words caught you off guard, and your gaze lifted to meet hers. What you saw in her eyes made your breath catch. There was no judgment, no pity—only love. Pure, unwavering, and steadfast.

"It’s hard not to compare," you said quietly, your voice trembling. "Especially when I feel like I’ll never measure up to… that."

Sooyoung stepped closer, her other hand rising to gently cup your cheek. Her thumb brushed softly against your skin, the gesture tender and deliberate. "Listen to me," she said, her voice soft but resolute. "You are enough for me. More than enough. I don’t care about some stupid photo or what anyone else looks like. What we have—what you give me—is everything I could ever want. You make me feel loved, cherished, and wanted in ways no one else ever could. Only you."

Her words hit like a wave, washing over the raw edges of your insecurity. The sincerity in her tone, the quiet strength in her gaze—it was impossible to deny. Slowly, the knot in your chest began to loosen, the weight of your self-doubt easing under the warmth of her love.

She leaned in, pressing her forehead gently against yours. Her presence, her touch, her words—it all grounded you in what was real. "I love you," she whispered, her breath warm against your lips. "All of you. Just as you are."

Your chest tightened, her words settling deep into your heart. The warmth in her tone was undeniable, yet the insecurities clinging to you still lingered, like shadows at the edges of your mind.

Sooyoung noticed the flicker of doubt in your eyes and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. Her lips lingered there, warm and comforting. "I mean it," she whispered, her voice gentle but steady. "It’s not about size or comparing yourself to anyone else. When I’m with you, everything feels right because I love you. All of you."

You closed your eyes, letting her words wash over you like a calm tide. For a fleeting moment, the tension in your chest eased, though the grip of doubt still tugged faintly at the edges. "It’s hard to let go of these thoughts," you admitted softly, your voice almost a whisper.

"I know," she replied, her tone filled with quiet understanding. She slid her hand into yours, intertwining your fingers with a deliberate tenderness. "Everyone has insecurities. But as your girlfriend, it’s my job to show you how much you mean to me. How much I want you, just the way you are."

You opened your eyes, meeting hers. Her gaze was steady, brimming with patience and love, leaving no room for judgment or doubt. There was something in the way she looked at you—an unshakable belief in who you were. For the first time in days, a flicker of hope sparked within you, cutting through the storm clouds.

Sooyoung smiled softly, leaning in to kiss you again. This time, her lips moved slower, deeper, as if pouring every shared memory, every ounce of affection, into the moment. The warmth of her touch pulled you from the depths of your insecurities, anchoring you in the present.

As the kiss deepened, you felt yourself melting into her, the weight of her love wrapping around you like a protective cocoon. The doubts still lingered in the background, but their grip began to loosen, her touch drawing you closer to the present. Sooyoung broke the kiss softly, her breath warm against your lips as she whispered, “Lie down with me.”

Her hand in yours was gentle yet insistent as she led you to the bed. You settled onto the soft mattress, the weight of your body sinking into the familiar comfort. She climbed in beside you, her eyes steady as they searched yours. The insecurities began creeping back in, but her presence—steady and warm—provided a tether you desperately needed.

Sooyoung sat beside you, her fingers moving to the buttons of your shirt. She began unbuttoning it slowly, her touch deliberate and filled with tenderness. Her gaze remained fixed on yours, silently reassuring you that this was about love, not expectation. But your hands instinctively rose to stop her, trembling slightly as they met hers.

"I… I don’t know if—" you started, your voice barely audible, thick with hesitation. Your throat felt tight, every doubt screaming louder with each undone button. "Baby, maybe we shouldn’t—"

She froze, her fingers stilling mid-motion. Her eyes softened, filled with understanding rather than frustration. “Hey,” she said gently, her voice low and soothing. She rested her fingers lightly on yours, her touch calm but grounding. “It’s just me. It’s us. We’ve done this before.”

Your gaze darted away, your chest rising and falling unevenly. "I know," you murmured, your voice raw, "but it feels different this time." The words hung between you, unspoken fears filling the silence.

Sooyoung’s heart ached at the vulnerability in your voice. She leaned closer, her palm slipping under your chin to gently lift your gaze back to hers. “I know it’s hard,” she said softly, her tone steady and full of love. “But you don’t have to compare yourself to anyone. Especially not to that cheating scum. I love you. You are enough, babe. You’ve always been enough for me.”

Her words struck something deep within you, and for a moment, you simply stared at her, caught between belief and doubt. Without breaking eye contact, she reached for the hem of your shirt, lifting it slowly. “Let me,” she whispered, her voice tender yet resolute. "Let me show you how much you mean to me."

Hesitation flickered in your mind, but you nodded, exhaling shakily as she slipped the shirt from your shoulders and let it fall to the floor. The cool air brushed against your skin, but her warmth surrounded you, steady and unyielding.

Sooyoung leaned down, pressing soft kisses along your collarbone and chest, her lips lingering on each spot as though pouring love into you with every touch. “Every part of you… it’s perfect,” she murmured, her breath warm against your skin. “You’re more than enough for me, baby. I love you so much, just the way you are.”

Her words sent a flicker of warmth through you, momentarily quieting the storm in your mind. Her touch was soft but grounding, the press of her lips against your skin both reassuring and intimate. But when her hands moved to your belt, you instinctively stopped her, your hand wrapping around hers.

"Wait," you muttered, your voice trembling. "Are you sure about this?" The question carried more weight than it should have, heavy with fear and doubt.

Sooyoung stilled, sitting back slightly to meet your gaze fully. Her hands cupped your face gently, her thumbs brushing over your cheeks with tender precision. “Babe, look at me,” she said softly, her voice unwavering. Her eyes locked with yours, filled with a love that was steady and unshakable. "You are everything to me. Not just enough—everything. Do you understand that?"

You swallowed hard, her words settling into the quiet corners of your heart. The sincerity in her voice, the conviction in her gaze—it was impossible to ignore. Still, the doubts lingered faintly, shadows refusing to fully disappear.

She pressed a kiss to your forehead, her lips lingering for a moment before pulling back to meet your eyes again. “I love you,” she said firmly, her tone low and soothing. "I love all of you. Your heart, your mind, your body—every part of you is enough for me. Nothing else matters. Do you hear me?"

Her words were a lifeline, cutting through the fog of your thoughts. The tension in your shoulders eased slightly, and you nodded, her love chipping away at the walls you had built. Sooyoung’s hands moved lower again, unbuckling your belt and sliding it off with care. Her movements were deliberate, her touch imbued with patience and love.

As she settled on the bed beside you, Sooyoung’s warmth pressed against your side. The soft rustle of the covers surrounded you both, her bare leg brushing against yours. Her presence was steady and grounding, a quiet reassurance as she nestled closer. Her hands found your thighs, resting there lightly as her gaze met yours, filled with love and intention.

She broke the silence first, her voice soft but resolute. “I love you,” she said, her words wrapping around you like a promise. “You don’t ever have to hide from me.” Her fingers trailed along your skin, her touch both tender and deliberate. In that moment, her love felt like the only thing anchoring you to the present, quieting the whispers of insecurity.

She leaned over you, her eyes searching yours. “Don’t,” she murmured, her voice gentle but firm. “Don’t hide from me. I want all of you. I love all of you.”

Her words sent a wave of emotion through you, tightening your throat as you swallowed hard. Nodding, you fought to push the lingering doubts aside, though your chest still felt heavy with the weight of insecurity. “I’m sorry for feeling like this,” you murmured, the words barely audible, more for yourself than for her.

Sooyoung cupped your face with both hands, her thumbs brushing lightly against your cheeks. Her gaze never wavered. “Don’t apologize,” she said softly, her voice steady. “I love you. Let me show you.”

She shifted lower on the bed, her movements slow and deliberate, and urged you to relax. Her hands moved to the waistband of your boxers, her fingers light but confident. When she began to guide them down, you hesitated, but the warmth in her touch and the reassurance in her eyes quieted the protest forming on your lips. You let her, exhaling slowly as the vulnerability of the moment settled over you.

Sooyoung’s gaze remained steady as she leaned down, her lips brushing against the sensitive skin at your base. She kissed you softly, reverently, her touch full of care. Each kiss was deliberate, her lips warm and tender as they trailed along your length. “You’re perfect to me,” she whispered, her voice low and affectionate, her words wrapping around you like a shield against your doubts.

Her lips pressed to the underside of your length, trailing slowly upward before settling at the tip. She kissed it gently, her breath warm against your skin as she lingered there. Her eyes flicked up to meet yours, and the love in her gaze made your chest tighten. “I don’t need anything else, baby,” she murmured between kisses. “You, just like this, are everything I’ve ever wanted.”

Her words weren’t just comforting; they carried a conviction that chipped away at the insecurities buried deep in your heart. Her hands caressed your thighs, steadying you as her kisses grew more purposeful. She alternated between slow, lingering movements and light, teasing flicks of her tongue, her care evident in every touch. She paused only to meet your gaze again, her lips curving into a soft smile. “You’re mine,” she said simply, her voice a quiet anchor in the storm of your thoughts.

Her kisses grew bolder, her tongue tracing gentle patterns along your length. Each motion was deliberate, her touch imbued with affection. She would press a kiss at the base, then trail upward slowly, her breath ghosting over you before she took you in again. Her rhythm was unhurried, savoring every moment as though she wanted to commit every inch of you to memory.

Her hands found their way to your hips, holding you gently but firmly as her lips worked in perfect harmony with her tongue. She alternated between soft, teasing motions and deeper, more purposeful movements, her love for you evident in the care she put into every second. She paused briefly, pressing a kiss to your inner thigh before returning to you, her lips brushing tenderly against your sensitive skin.

“You feel so good,” she murmured, her breath warm as she glanced up at you. Her eyes were soft, filled with a love that made your chest ache in the best way. “Every single part of you feels amazing to me.”

Her pace quickened slightly, her enthusiasm blending with her tenderness as she coaxed pleasure from you. The warmth of her mouth, the deliberate pressure of her lips, and the way her hands anchored you to the bed all worked in perfect harmony. She wasn’t just focused on giving you pleasure—she was showing you, through every touch and motion, how much you meant to her.

The tension in your chest began to ease, her devotion replacing the doubts that had weighed you down for days. Her actions weren’t just about intimacy; they were a testament to her love, her desire to remind you of your worth. Slowly, you began to relax under her touch, letting yourself feel the truth in her actions.

When she looked up at you again, her gaze locked with yours, and you saw nothing but love and pride in her eyes. “Let me take care of you,” she whispered, her lips brushing against your skin before she continued. Her hands slid up to cradle your thighs, grounding you as she poured every ounce of her affection into her touch.

With a final kiss to your tip, Sooyoung sealed all the words that had been spoken, her affection tangible in every lingering touch. She pulled back slowly, her movements unhurried, and began to undress herself. The glow of the bedside lamp bathed her skin in a soft, golden light, accentuating every curve and detail of her body. Her beauty was undeniable, but it wasn’t just the physical sight of her—it was the love in her gaze, the tenderness in her actions, that left you breathless.

Her eyes remained locked on yours as she revealed herself, her confidence tempered with vulnerability, as if she were offering all of herself to you. “You don’t have to worry anymore, baby,” she whispered, her voice low and soothing. Her lips found your neck, pressing soft kisses along the sensitive skin there, each one leaving behind a trail of warmth. “I love you just the way you are. You make me feel alive, cherished… no one else could ever do that for me the way you do.”

Her words were like a balm, easing the tightness in your chest as her hands slid over your shoulders and down your chest, grounding you in her touch. The lingering insecurities that had plagued you began to melt away, their sharp edges softened by the undeniable truth in her gaze. She didn’t just see you—she saw all of you, the parts you tried to hide, the parts you feared were unworthy, and she loved them unconditionally.

She gently guided you onto the bed, her bare skin pressing warmly against yours. The intimacy of her closeness filled the room, the heat between you building with every whispered reassurance and every deliberate movement. Slowly, deliberately, she straddled you, her body fitting against yours like a missing piece. She guided you to her entrance, her breath hitching as she sank down onto you, her body enveloping you fully. Her loud, impassioned moan filled the room, sending a shiver of electricity through you as you gasped at the overwhelming sensation.

Sooyoung’s hips began to move in a slow, deliberate rhythm, each motion uniting you more completely. The way she moved against you was mesmerizing—graceful and instinctive, as though your bodies had been made for each other. Her hands rested on your chest for balance, her fingers splaying wide as her breath quickened, her soft moans filling the space between you.

“You feel so good,” she whispered, her voice trembling with sincerity as she leaned down, her damp hair brushing against your skin. Her lips sought yours in a kiss that was deep and full of emotion, her love pouring into every movement. “You’re everything to me, baby. Everything.”

Her words were an anchor, steadying you as her love reached places no one else ever could. Each thrust sent ripples of pleasure through both of you, but it wasn’t just the physical sensation—it was the emotional connection, the unspoken bond that made every moment between you feel transcendent. Every sigh, every shiver, every roll of her hips was a declaration of love, weaving the two of you closer together.

As the intensity grew, her words began to cut through your lingering insecurities. “I’m so close,” she gasped, her voice trembling with need. “Baby, you’re going to make me cum—please, don’t stop.”

The sincerity in her tone and the raw desire in her eyes filled you with a newfound confidence. She wasn’t holding back, and you could feel how deeply she meant every word. Your hands instinctively moved to her hips, steadying her movements as she rode you with increasing fervor. Her body moved like it was made for yours, her rhythm deliberate and unrestrained. You began meeting her movements with your own, thrusting upward to match the rhythm she set.

Her moans grew louder, her head tilting back as her body arched above you, her hands bracing against your chest for support. The sight of her—so vulnerable, so open—sent a surge of heat through you. You tightened your grip on her hips, your thumbs brushing against the soft curves of her waist as you pushed deeper into her, each upward thrust eliciting another shuddering gasp.

“Yes,” she cried, her nails grazing your chest as her rhythm quickened. “Just like that—baby, just like that.”

Her encouragement was electric, spurring you on as you focused entirely on her—her movements, her sounds, the way her body trembled with every thrust. The insecurities that had clung to you earlier began to crumble under the weight of her love, replaced by an overwhelming need to give her everything you had.

“I love you,” you whispered, your voice hoarse and filled with conviction. The words came naturally now, unburdened by hesitation. Her eyes snapped down to meet yours, her gaze softening even as her body moved with raw intensity.

“I love you too,” she gasped, her voice breaking as her climax built. “You’re perfect—you’re everything.”

Her words struck a chord deep within you, breaking through the last remnants of doubt. You met her movements with more purpose, your hips thrusting upward in perfect sync with hers. Every shared movement, every brush of her hands against your skin, every moan and sigh felt like a crescendo building toward something beyond either of you.

Her cries grew urgent, her body tightening as she tipped closer to the edge. “Oh my God, baby, I’m gonna—” Her words dissolved into a sharp cry as her climax overtook her, her body shuddering violently around you. She clung to you, her hands gripping your shoulders as her head tipped back, her moans filling the room in waves of ecstasy.

The sensation of her pulsing around you, the sheer intensity of her release, sent you spiraling after her. With a final, powerful thrust, your own climax hit, a blinding wave of pleasure that seemed to consume you entirely. Stars danced behind your closed eyes, the high of your release magnified by the connection between you. It wasn’t just physical—it was emotional, almost transcendent, as if the love you shared heightened every sensation to an unimaginable degree.

You groaned deeply, your hands gripping her hips tightly as you held her against you, your bodies locked together in the aftershocks of your shared release. Sooyoung collapsed forward, her arms wrapping around your shoulders as her forehead rested gently against yours, her breaths warm and uneven.

For several moments, the room was silent except for the sound of your mingled breathing. Her body was warm and soft against yours, her skin glistening in the dim light of the room. You ran your hands slowly along her sides, grounding yourself in the reality of her love, the tangible proof that you were enough for her.

Sooyoung tilted her head up, her eyes soft and bright as they searched yours. A gentle smile curved her lips, and she reached up to brush a strand of hair from your forehead, the touch light but deliberate. “That…” she began, her voice barely above a whisper, “I know you felt that. It was different than before—way better, right? It’s because we love each other so much.”

Her words lingered in the air, heavy with meaning, as she leaned in closer. Her lips pressed delicate kisses along your face, each touch deliberate and tender, scattering warmth across your skin. The kisses weren’t rushed; they were unhurried, like a ritual of devotion. Her lips found your temple first, then the corner of your jaw, the softness of each kiss leaving a trail of emotion in its wake.

“Please remember,” she murmured between kisses, her voice trembling with raw emotion, “no matter who I was with, no matter his size…” Her lips brushed against your forehead, her breath warm and steady as she paused there for a moment. She moved to your cheek next, her kiss lingering as if to reassure you of her every word. “I… have… never…” she whispered, her voice breaking slightly as her lips found yours in a deep, loving kiss. “Had a… orgasm… so… hard… in… my… life.”

Each word came with a kiss, sealing her declaration with her affection. Her voice carried unwavering sincerity, her eyes brimming with honesty when she pulled back to meet your gaze. The depth of her love was palpable, wrapping around you like a cocoon of safety and affirmation.

A soft laugh escaped you, unsteady but full of relief, as her words took root in your heart. The insecurities that had haunted you began to dissolve, their weight lifting and replaced by the undeniable warmth of her truth. Unable to hold back, you pulled her closer, your arms wrapping securely around her. Her body molded to yours, soft and warm, and the way she melted into your embrace sent a wave of peace rippling through you.

The sound of her steady breathing became your anchor. Sooyoung lay curled against you, her head resting on your chest, her fingers tracing absent patterns on your skin. The warmth of her body was grounding, her presence filling the gaps where doubt once lived.

Her voice broke the silence, soft but certain. “You don’t have to hide from me. I love you—all of you. Just the way you are.”

Her words lingered in the air, heavy with meaning. You tightened your arm around her, pulling her closer, but still, the weight of your insecurities tugged at the edges of your thoughts.

She shifted, pressing her forehead to yours, her damp hair brushing your skin. Her breath was warm, steady. “I’ve never felt this way with anyone,” she murmured, her voice thick with emotion. “No one makes me feel loved like you do. You are my everything.”

Her words were a lifeline, pulling you out of the storm that had raged in your mind. You cupped her face, brushing a thumb over her cheek, and saw it clearly—the love, the truth, the unshakable certainty in her eyes.

“I love you,” you said, the words finally free of hesitation. “I don’t know why you chose me, but… I’m so glad you did.”

Her lips curved into a tender smile, her eyes shining. “Because you’re the one who makes me feel like this. You’re the one I want—forever.”

She leaned down, her lips brushing yours in a kiss that was slow and deliberate. It wasn’t rushed; it wasn’t about anything but love—pure, unfiltered, and real. The doubts that had haunted you began to fade, replaced by the steady warmth of her love.

As she nestled against your chest, her arms wrapping tightly around you, you realized something profound. This wasn’t about perfection or comparison. It wasn’t about the shadows of a past you couldn’t change. It was about her—the way she saw you, the way she loved you.

And for the first time, you felt it fully. It was enough. She was enough. You were enough.

The room grew quiet again, your bodies entwined, the world outside distant and unimportant. Her breathing steadied, her warmth a cocoon around you, and as you pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head, peace finally settled over you.

In her arms, the storm quieted. The insecurities that had loomed so large felt smaller now, dissolving in the light of her love. And as her fingers traced one last, languid pattern on your chest, you closed your eyes, letting yourself believe—truly believe—that you were exactly where you belonged.

#kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #kpop smut #girl group smut #reader insert #male reader #kinkvember #kinkvember 2024 #red velvet smut #red velvet #red velvet joy #red velvet joy smut #joy smut #red velvet park sooyoung #park sooyoung #park sooyoung x reader #park sooyoung smut

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schrodingerscougar · 9 months ago

Text

Part two for this one. I'm sorry for the cliffhanger in the first part. The illustration is from the amazing @ave661 .

Four months. That’s how much time it took Simon to get out of that hazy fugue state. He didn’t really remember what he had gone through during that time, his brain switched to autopilot after the breakup. He often wondered why it affected him this much when he didn’t even love you. You were just someone he spent time with, someone he tried to play house with for a short while to feel normal.

Still, now as he lay on his bed, watching the ceiling fan rotate to stir up the hot air in the room, he couldn’t stop thinking about you. He even found himself opening a social media app to search for your name from a fake account he had set up a long time ago, and he was shocked to see the most recent photo of you. It was impossible to miss the unmistakable shape of a baby bump under your shirt, and based on its size, you got pregnant long months ago.

When he was finally allowed to go home for a short while, Simon went to see you. He knew he had hurt you, he knew you were probably still mad at him, but he had to know if it was his child. It only happened one time. One night when he tried to fix things by giving you what you wanted, hoping sex could make him see you in another light. Maybe he would finally want you the way you always wanted him to want you. But it didn’t work, and it was after that night he made the final decision to end things with you.

“What do you want?” you asked him when you opened the door.

Simon nodded as he bit the inside of his cheek. This cold welcome was fair enough, he deserved this kind of treatment. Normally, he would have left you alone. But normally, you would have told him you were pregnant.

So he silently pointed at your belly and waited for you to realize what he wanted. He knew you weren't dumb, the pieces would fall into place in a second. And sure enough, you let out a sigh then opened the door wider to let him in.

“Why didn't you tell me?” he asked you as he stood in the kitchen next to you with his arms crossed.

You were busy making him a cup of tea, but you took the time to silently shrug. When he let out a heavy sigh, you looked over at him and said, “I didn't think you'd care, Si. Simple as that.”

You were right. He didn't care. Even now that he was looking at you, his eyes occasionally moving to the bump that hid his own blood, his mind was somewhere else. He was a soldier, he knew how to take responsibility for his actions. You getting pregnant was his fault too. He couldn't just ignore the problem.

“I’ll pay child support,” he assured you.

“No need.”

Simon reached out to put a hand on the base of your neck, but you quickly pushed his hand away before he could touch your skin. “You don’t have to do this alone.”

You inhaled through your nose and held your breath in for a few seconds before finally exhaling. “So what? You’re gonna be around and help us? Take her to a doctor’s appointment or for a stroll around the block?” When you saw him looking down at his shoes, you couldn’t help but snort. “Thought so,” you said.

“I’ll better get going. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

Months flew by, but Simon barely noticed. He was on a mission again far from home, risking his life as usual. You never called and he didn’t force it. He accepted that he would have to live with the guilt of making this happen. Since you didn’t want to accept child support, he opened a bank account where he stored that money, hoping that one day he could give it to you or his daughter when she became old enough.

One day he checked your social media accounts like he had done a few times before, just to see how you were. This is when he saw the post in which you announced the arrival of your baby girl. He didn’t make a big deal out of it at first. She was born and she would probably ask about her father one day. If he was still alive then, he would gladly give her a toned down explanation. If not… Well, he left everything to her in his will.

Eventually he began to save the photos of his daughter and he often found himself looking at them. She was adorable, some of her features resembling his own. Her big brown eyes were definitely his; the color and the shape were both so familiar to him.

No one from the team knew about this part of his life. He had never told anyone, because why would he? They were close, they were his brothers, but you and your daughter were carefully guarded secrets in his life. Simon knew the real reason why he never talked about you; he was afraid of the judgmental looks and words.

Two months later, when he entered his apartment again after another round of deployment, Simon didn't really know what to do with himself. He ended up looking at his daughter's photos more and more often and eventually he made up his mind to give her a visit. It had absolutely nothing to do with you. He was doing this for the little girl.

You weren't welcoming but, once again, he couldn't blame you. “I just want to see my daughter,” he said softly, hoping the two of you could avoid fighting.

For long moments you were cautiously watching him, as if you were trying to decide if he could be trusted or not. But then your eyes fell on the big teddy bear he was holding with one hand and you let out a sigh of defeat.

On the way to the nursery, you didn't talk at all. The silence didn't bother him, but still he would have appreciated some words about the little girl he was about to meet. Was he allowed to pick her up? Did she like to be held? How was she? Did she have stomach ache often? Were she teething?

“Be quick,” you warned him when you stopped by her crib.

Simon let out a sigh. “Come on, don't be like that.”

You just rolled your eyes at him before taking a step back to lean your shoulder against the doorframe, arms folded over your chest, eyes watching his every move like a hawk. He found it a little too much, he hated that you didn't trust him. Sure, he hadn't given you many reasons to trust him, but for the sake of your daughter you should have tried.

With a sigh, he rested an elbow on the side of the crib and reached out to touch the baby as gently as he could with his other hand. His own flesh and blood. It was amazing, really. Without asking for permission, he picked her up and couldn't help but smile when the baby smiled at him.

Now that he was holding her close to his body, placing soft kisses on her head every so often, Simon couldn't deny that he already loved his daughter. There was an invisible string between them, something that brought her closer to him that anyone has ever been.

The baby giggled suddenly and it brought an even wider smile to Simon’s face. He could only hope you would let him see her as often as he could visit, but something told him it wouldn't be easy to convince you.

“She likes you,” you suddenly noted.

He put down the little girl then turned to you. “The feeling's mutual.” A faint smile appeared on your lips. “Can I see her some other time?” You nodded. “Thank you. If I can help with anything, just give me a call or send a message. I'll get back to you as soon as I can,” he offered.

You been to walk out of the room and he quietly followed you, waiting for you to say something. He didn't really know what he was expecting to hear, but he had a feeling you were holding back something. And sure enough, after a few minutes of silence you began to talk, scolding him for not even bothering to send at least a text to ask about her before suddenly showing up.

“I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd read them.”

“I'm mad at you, that's true,” you agreed.

Simon leaned against the doorframe as he watched you pace in the living room like a caged animal. He remembered those nights he had spent thinking about on deployment, the moment he saw that photo of you, and he realized that maybe he was missing you.

But how could he miss someone he didn't even love? Or had he developed feelings for you, feelings he tried to hide even from himself? It was way too confusing for him, and he didn't like to be confused. It was a weakness on the field and in his civilian life.

“I should go. If you need anything–”

You came to a halt, turned to him and nodded. “I know where to find you. But can I ask you something?” Simon motioned you to go on. “Why now? Why did you become interested in her all of a sudden?”

He let out a thoughtful hum as he put his hand on the back of his neck. “I saw the photos, how much she looks like me, and… I don't know.” You took a few steps closer to him, but you still kept a comfortable distance. “I've been saving money for her. I want to give you access to that bank account.”

“I don't need your money,” you were quick to say.

“It's for her. Please, accept it.”

You became mad at him, accusing him of assuming you couldn't take care of your daughter you'd been raising on your own from day one. He knew there was no point in defending himself, you were too lost in the hate you felt for him. So he just waited there in silence, letting you finish your speech.

Then, the moment you seemingly finished, he closed the gap between the two of you. He didn't know what he was doing, he just followed his instinct when he leaned down and kissed you. This was probably the first time he truly enjoyed kissing you, and it helped a lot that you were quick to return it.

Maybe this was why he wanted to come here today. To fix things. To try to get a family he'd been craving ever since he lost his own.

(part three)

#ghost #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #simon ghost riley x reader #call of duty #simon riley #mw2 #mw3 #modern warfare #simon riley x reader

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olderthannetfic · 6 months ago

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hi, as someone who is tragically gen Z and only ever read AO3, can I ask: what was so great about LiveJournal? Like, I know that there were fics posted there (and I've even read about the "purge", so I get why it isn't used anymore) and that it was sort of a forum-type thing. But what I don't understand, wouldn't Tumblr fill in the latter function? How was that site any different? I see a lot of people reminiscing about it and I'm confused

A big factor in LJ's greatness is timing and nostalgia.

It was genuinely great, but it wasn't quite as great as all of the Lo, shall the Golden Age ne'er come again? posts suggest.

LJ arrived at a pivotal time in the development of the internet both in terms of technical stuff and how many people had access. Many fans who are now in their thirties to fifties first discovered fandom through LJ and many were at a time in their lives when they were feeling energetic and up to making lots of new friends—and to figuring out how to make a site work for them.

I got on LJ in 2002 when it required invites. Fandom arrived in droves in 2003, first via coordinated campaigns to get invites to key people and then when LJ opened up free account creation to everyone. Back then, LJ's features sucked. It was impossible to search properly, among other things. At its height (2005-7, let's say), there was a reasonable site search, and fans had developed all sorts of community resources for finding each other.

People often remember this phase but not the early days of suckitude.

This development parallels how Tumblr used to not have that private chat feature and how a lot of fuckyeah[whatever] type tumblrs have helped curate the site and make it much more usable for fans. Fandom draining away from LJ after strikethrough also parallels people draining away from Tumblr after the purge.

There are people who talk about Tumblr the way my cohort talks about LJ...

And to the shock of no one, they are people who came of age on Tumblr, who found fandom via Tumblr, who were on Tumblr during pivotal times in their lives and ones when they had energy to make friends and figure out how a site worked.

Those same Tumblrites are now making all the same geriatric-sounding posts we LJers do about how other sites lack the required features to be good for fandom while missing that 90% of tumblr's "features" at its height (2012-2016, let's say) were actually fan-created and were basically the same as any fandom newsletter or links page or all the versions of this kind of personal curation stretching back to long before the internet existed.

What life phase you hit a site at matters.

With all of that said, no, LJ was not a forum. It was a blogging site with threaded comments.

The key point to understand is that conversation was always happening in a specific person's space. Unlike on a true forum, people were in the comments on a particular post in a journal owned by another fan. (On a forum, there's the first post in a thread, but it's still more of a communal space with less of a hierarchy.)

Overall, the LJ format can have a feeling a bit like you're over at someone's house for tea. There's more of a sense of intimacy and also behaving yourself in front of community members.

Tumblr being obscure and impossible to find anything in does give it some of the same vibe relative to Twitter, but it's still part of modern social media that tries to shove every rando into the face of every other rando.

But it wasn't just vibes: LJ also had robust privacy features where you could lock a post to this or that group of friends. You could moderate your comments section properly. Tumblr has far fewer controls to force people to behave or leave on a technical level.

The biggest thing many people miss about LJ is the threaded comments. At least by late LJ and on Dreamwidth, you can expand and collapse threads, making it far easier to deal with a massive comments section. But more than that, things are properly threaded with multiple levels of hierarchy that are all easily visible in the same place.

On Tumblr, it used to be extremely difficult to find all of the actual commentary on a post. Nowadays, it's far easier, but you still have to scroll chronologically, and multiple versions of a post with a long chain of commentary may be much more divorced from each other than what would happen in a LJ comments section.

But could we use Tumblr pretty much how we used LJ?

We could.

I do.

The key things that people tend to miss about LJ, aside from the younger and more excited version of themselves or the friends they've lost since then, are:

Heavily text-based

It may sound odd on the modern internet, but there are a lot of people whose brains don't like or handle an image-heavy site well. They were everywhere in SF book fandom. They were everywhere on the early internet. Today, they're hanging out on Dreamwidth and still going to their SF cons. They're usually not on Tumblr.

You could follow the discussion

Threaded comments help, but a lot of it is about having some place you can check for updates. It wasn't actually that easy to follow big LJ discussions unless you were subscribed to comments and reading along as things were happening instead of coming along after the entire mass of comments had been left.

The tone of the discussion is intellectual and one's enemies are "idiots", not "problematic"

All this requires is a penchant for longwindedness and an itchy blocking finger to remove anyone slinging ad hominems from the comments section.

On tumblr, it's as simple as conversations happening in the replies on a popular account and that person not tolerating suibaiting and threats.

(And make no mistake, a lot of LJ discussion was in the comments on popular accounts, not spread equally between everyone's.)

It does require that multiple people like that tone and want to engage in that way, but lots of people do want to.

These days, I interact with tumblr by checking my askbox and reading my activity page. The vast, vast majority of my posts are ones where I'm the OP, so if I block someone, they're booted from the discussion entirely.

For me... yeah, Tumblr functions almost exactly like LJ.

Also like LJ, while I'm hosting the conversation, if you hang around, you'll see the same people again and again in the comments. They may or may not also host that kind of conversation in their space, and there's a larger pool of lurkers who have some notion of which people count as regulars. Other people are watching from the shadows, enjoying or deriding the takes of the usual crowd.

People presumably do like reading my lengthy commentary or they wouldn't be here, but my tumblr wouldn't be popular like this without a healthy pool of other people who chime in regularly. It's not just that there are more people: it's that you see the same people over time. There's a bit more sense of place and community than on some parts of the internet.

So, in my opinion, the failure to just recreate LJ fandom on Tumblr was a skill issue.

Threaded comments were great, but LJ culture came from mailing lists, and mailing lists had the same issue as tumblr with the diverging threads.

We solved that back then by clipping out only the parts we wanted to respond to (you'd write "snip" around the quotation to show it was incomplete). We solved the smaller LJ issue by linking to other posts we were referencing and doing discussion link roundups. We solve it on tumblr by, again, linking to what we're talking about and even quoting multiple reblog chains in our own reblog of just one chain.

Tumblr's technical features and even general crap-ness aren't really the problem. 90s and early 00s sites regularly went down for periods of time unthinkable today.

The missing piece is people.

When one is in an active fandom with others who curate or with friends who let one know what's up, a site with imperfect features is easy to figure out and retrofit for fandom's needs. When one already feels out of touch and is between fannish passions—or at least fannish passions anyone else cares about—seeing the potential in a new site is hard.

Threaded comments are different and better.

LJ's built-in way to see everyone's blog in your own style was better. The automatic timestamps and the ease of seeing a paginated archive of an entire blog was better than tumblr's endless scroll and lack of clear date labeling. But some of that can be fixed with xkit or knowing your way around tumblr well.

A lot of it is nostalgia for the lj era and a refusal to take the time to figure out how to use tumblr in an oldschool internet way.

So by all means, people, weigh in about what made LJ great or how the culture felt at the time...

But if I see one more god damn response going "You can't have a conversation on tumblr!" in reply to my tumblr, which contains nothing but conversation, I am coming for you.

#fandom history #fandom meta

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dailyanarchistposts · 30 days ago

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A friend of mine, a Trump supporter, recently sent me a social media post from an anonymous Seattle police officer about the “organized protest” zone, or autonomous zone, established by the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement in the city’s Capitol Hill neighborhood. The officer argues, in part, that “there is a part of our country that is no longer under our control,” and that “we [the police] have been castrated.” The post is mostly filed with misinformation, that the protest space has its own currency, ID system, and that the former police precinct, abandoned by the mayor and the city at the height of the protests, is being used as a BLM headquarters – no doubt a kind of black witches coven in their imagination. Indeed, in the language used in the post, “terrorists” and “anarchists” are stock piling “ammo and chemical weapons,” and are headed by a “warlord” who “drives a tesla and has been arrested for drugs, guns, pimping and crimes against children.” The officer concludes that “this is real,” and that “you can’t make this up.” These developments they call “unthinkable.”

The police are not the only ones hysterical at the loss of their station. Right wing media have also chimed in, exacerbating and stoking the fears of the Right. Fox media personality, Tucker Carlson, for example, bloviates on his nightly show that the founders of the Capitol Hill Organized Protest (CHOP) are “just like the conquistadors” because they’ve seized and occupied already established land and are extorting local businesses. Not to be outdone, President Trump, searching for an election year issue, called on the city of Seattle to attack and retake the space. He tweeted angerly, “Take back your city NOW. If you don’t do it, I will. This is not a game. These ugly Anarchists must be stopped IMMEDIATELY.”

What is unthinkable, or was at the beginning of the month, is the power of the Black Lives Matter movement in the streets. The emergence of the autonomous zone is a pinnacle of that power, a significant victory. It demonstrates the ability of popular power to win the impossible from structures of white supremacy – the state and the propertied interests they represent. That victory, and the subsequent diminution of state violence, is a major step forward for community self-control and autonomy. It shows that ending anti-Black violence is the first and most basic step to honoring Black life.

But it is just the beginning. Honoring Black life means constructing a society where Black autonomy and Black power are the cornerstones of community, and one where Black freedom is the foundation for broader, collective liberation. The advent of the movement’s autonomous zone was a step in that direction. Taking the city’s east police precinct demonstrates not only that our movements can win, but we can win previously unimaginable victories for Black lives.

There is another legacy now that must be dealt with from the CHOP. Much uglier, it is about the violence that took one life and left several in critical condition in a series of recent shootings. The shootings and the lack of direction for the space sadly demonstrate that our movements are not yet mature enough to know what to do with victory. As I write, the Seattle police are threatening to retake the building in the wake of the violence.

The shootings happened as the movement languished. With no clear direction, political, strategic, and tactical infighting broke out, reminiscent of Occupy Wall Street’s failures. Questions emerged over whether the encampment was for abolition or reform, taking the police station or not, “autonomy” or remaking existing institutions, marching or occupying, and others. This infighting was rooted in a lack of decision-making process that made even the most basic agreements impossible to gain collective consent.

In the autonomous zone, a diverse flowering of self-activity emerged, a variegated patchwork of mutual aid projects, support, care, and action that reflected the full diversity of the movement’s politics and people. That beautiful moment must not be lost in its downfall, but now with violence in the space, it must also be held within a more complex picture of the movement’s failures as well.

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static-fucking-mess · 10 months ago

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Eddie couldn't help himself. He stared at Billy Hargrove sometimes; the gorgeous curls and wild grin lit something inside of him the first time Eddie had ever laid eyes on him.

Billy's plush lips sucking in the smoke from his Marlboro reds, broad shoulders, tight jeans. Eddie couldn't help himself from focusing on the way Billy's tongue flashed out to wet his lips as the smoke billowed off into the sky from his nose.

Billy washed into Hawkins and Eddie's life like a hurricane from California. His loud car, crashing music, and Eddie knew just from catching sight of him once that he wanted to know everything about him. He imagined if he got close enough he'd still be able to smell the ocean air on his sun kissed skin. He wanted to know his favorite bands, his thoughts on media, God he'd even sit through talking about cars if it meant Billy would look his way. (It wasn't like he wasn't interested, just that his own knowledge was limited to keeping his dinosaur of a van alive, and he didn't want to sound like an idiot. Not in front of Billy.)

Everything about Billy attracted Eddie to him. Eddie Munson had never considered himself shy. Fuck, he was a bit awkward about social boundaries, but he'd never felt shy before. Then, there were rarely ever new people that came to Hawkins to stay. And Billy made it clear that he had no intention of staying. Hawkins was small, and desperately choking on its shallow gene pool, in Eddie's opinion. Fresh faces were hard to find, especially ones that were willing to look his way, after all.

Billy hadn't been willing. To look his way, that was. He took to the social hierarchy like a wrecking ball, and sent it all asunder. King Steve seemed no more, Tommy and Carol seemed to fight more amongst themselves these days instead of making biting remarks at others. But Billy? He still wouldn't spare a breath on Eddie the Freak Munson.

Eddie had tried once.

He'd been utterly tongue tied in approaching Billy, picking at his sleeve. The two stood awkwardly behind the school dumpsters as they had their smoke break. Eddie's hand shook as he rolled his wrist, searching for the right words that refused to come.

"I really— I mean... fuck— sorry. Hold on. Uh—"

Billy's cool gaze slid up from where his zippo burned the cherry of his cigarette. He flicked his wrist to close his lighter before he tucked it away, utterly unimpressed. Eddie would probably be unimpressed with himself too. But damn; Billy Hargrove was a God carved of marble and gold, blessed by California sun. Eddie was a home grown weed from an Indiana backyard. His brown hair frizzy, unkempt, and his skin a touch oily from his aversion to water. It wasn't like he skipped showers because he wanted to. But in that moment Eddie felt painfully aware that Billy Hargrove was miles out of his league.

"Beat it," Billy grumbled at him. "I'm not in the business of making friends with people like you," he hissed. Those beautiful blues steeling into something dangerous that made Eddie's insides go cold. He swallowed back his words and the shaking in his hand seemed to intensify.

"No um... no that's. Fair. People like me?" Eddie inquired, head tipping a bit. He wanted to know just what part of his stigma had reached Billy first. He'd seen the saints necklace dangling in the open neck of his shirt. "The Satan worshipper? The freak?"

"Queers," Billy snapped. He looked at Eddie like a hostile and wild animal. Like his smiles were more reflective of the animal kingdom than the humanity he bore to charm others. Eddie swallowed dry air and dropped his gaze? Putting his cigarette out under his shoe.

"Right," Eddie affirmed. Billy had seen the way the guy looked at him. It was impossible to miss those dark, chocolate doe eyes when they lingered on him. It tickled the inside of Billy's ribs something real funny when he noticed Eddie in class. Distracted, but gazing his way like he was looking at art in a museum.

Billy was used to people lusting after him. He was hot, and god he knew it. He utilized it more often than he probably should have, but his good genetics in the physical appearance department had gotten him into, and out of a lot of trouble.

But Eddie wasn't lusting.

Eddie looked like he was trying to figure him out. Wondering at him. And that was dangerous. Because Billy had caught himself wondering too. What calloused hands would feel like holding down his wrists, or what those pouty lips would feel like stealing the breath off his. Thoughts like that were what had led to them having to leave California. Thoughts that turned to action, action that had made Neil so angry that he gave Billy two options:

Leave California, and the boy behind...

Or go to Summer Camp.

The two seemed like impossible evils to wrestle with. And in the end, with defeat, Billy had chosen to leave his home behind. It had hurt more that the boy had moved on before Billy could even explain himself. He swore, man or woman, he wouldn't date. Dating just brought trouble. Laying roots was dangerous. Ripping them free just hurt more.

So, he broke Eddie's heart before it had the chance to bloom. So he thought.

Nearing the beginning of November, Billy struggled one morning to light his cigarette. Shivering from the cold, and possibly the pain in his ribs. The pain that curled up through him and reminded him that defiance tasted like iron and copper on every breath in.

"Here—" the voice was steeped in sweet honey. Eddie lit his cigarette for him, and Billy flicked his eyes up to meet with Eddie's.

Eddie cupped his hands around Billy's while the cigarette dangled from his lips. Eddie rubbed his rough hands over Billy's to warm them, breathing softly over them to fight away the frost and chill in the air. Billy stood stiff and still like the early frost had taken root in him.

Eddie gazed up at Billy and offered him a smile, almost sheepish as he stepped away. He mourned the loss of that warmth as soon as it was gone, the fleeting action stirring something inside that Billy didn't want to fan the flames of.

"Shit, sorry," Eddie snorted. "I'm kind of a touchy guy, and uh. Social boundaries? Not my strong suit."

Billy chuffed, shaking his head before he took his cigarette loosely between two fingers and spat onto the pavement.

"Don't fucking touch me, freak," he hissed to Eddie. His frustration sizzling as his voice lacked the ire he wanted it to have. He wanted Eddie to flinch and run. But he didn't. Instead he just... shrugged his shoulders, unbothered, and turned away to smoke his own cigarette.

The next time Billy had contact with Eddie, it happened so quickly that Eddie wasn't even sure what had happened. It was just something small. Something... simple. But as they passed in the hall, Tommy had shoulder checked Eddie hard enough to knock him on his ass, laughing like he was looking for Billy's approval. That was not what happened.

The loud crash against the lockers had startled Eddie back to himself from the position he was in on the floor.

Billy had Tommy pinned to the lockers, speaking to him in a low and deeply venomous tone.

"Hands off, Hagan. The only person who gets to mess with the freak is me," he snarled.

Eddie wondered what that meant, but it felt like stepping closer to a warm fire in a way. He knew Damm well it might be dangerous to get too close. But Eddie didn't mind the way Billy burned. He wanted to be caught in the rush of Billy's storm.

Eddie had held that warm feeling in his chest for a while. It felt like a glow, and it was something that made him look Billy's way, even when he was shoved against lockers, shoulder checked in the hall, or had his books knocked out of his hands. Eddie always caught it.

The smile that wasn't mocking, even when Billy would insult him. It was like he couldn't put the same vitriol in it that he used to.

"Freak" felt more like a term of endearment. "Loser" felt like an invitation to squabble. And God did Eddie take every chance to bicker with Billy Hargrove.

Mid December, their words had turned into a tussle.

"You wouldn't dare—" Eddie had invited, grinning at Billy who had every intention of dumping Eddie into a snowbank.

"I think you need to cool it," Billy had snarked back, looking less than threatening with his red beanie on his head, puff ball and all. It had been Eddie's. The beanie. But Eddie hadn't said a word about the gloves, scarf, and hat he'd left in Billy's locker after he had noticed that the boy from California didn't have clothes suited for Indiana winter.

"Don't do it, Billy," Eddie laughed.

"Do what? I don't have any idea what you're talking about," Billy said back, casual as he took a step closer.

It happened, in a crash of flailing limbs and shrieking laughter. Billy saw Eddie for the first time. He saw the bright smile that was punctuated by dimples on either side. He saw the way Eddie's fuzzy hair fanned out in the snow as he was dumped into the snow bank, and god he couldn't help but notice the way flakes stuck in his eyelashes. His cheeks and ears red from the cold; Eddie wasn't wearing gloves, a hat, or a scarf. He'd given up his warm clothes to keep Billy warm.

And that sure made something inside Billy warmer than the sun in California ever could.

It was mid January when a knock resonated number 12 at the forest hills trailer park. It brought Eddie out of dozing. The alarm clock read an ugly 2am back at him that made him groan.

He pulled himself up and out of bed as the knock grew more irritated and insistent, swiping his hands down over his tired face.

"Jesus christ, I'm coming! Fucking relax!" He bellowed. Eddie shoved his feet into his slippers and shuffled to the front door, ripping it open.

"My hours end at 11 pm on week... nights..." the irritation in Eddie's voice gave way to a shocked whisper as he was met with a ghastly sight before him.

Billy Hargrove standing on his porch, braced against the side of the trailer to stop any swaying. It looked like he had bruises littering half of his face, and Eddie imagined it was worse, with the way the bruises on his neck seemed to bloom down under his jacket.

"Hey," Eddie whispered, unsure if he could say more. When he reached to push a curl out of Billy's face, the man flinched like Eddie was about to put a knife to his throat.

Instead, Eddie put his hand on Billy's shoulder and guided him to come inside.

That was the night that Eddie learned about Neil Hargrove. It was the same night that Eddie slept, curled around Billy. Like he could protect him.

Billy slept with his nose pressed against Eddie's collarbone, sinking into the scents of cinnamon and cigarette smoke. Eddie was warm, and even though he was more elbows and knees than plush and soft... Billy felt like he fit perfectly with his head tucked under Eddie's chin. Eddie gave good hugs. Great hugs even. Enough of them that Billy felt drunk on the scent of cinnamon and the comfort of his best friend's arms.

They continued as best friends for a long time. Until the Tragedy of Starcourt. Nobody called Eddie. Nobody had thought to at first, really. With the chaos and the news of Russians under the mall— not to mention how the last week or two, Billy had been avoiding Eddie like he was a Germ.

"Get the fuck away from me—"

"Stay away from me Munson."

"Get the fuck out of my face."

"I won't warn you again, if you come near me, I'll break your fucking neck."

Eddie had been sulking about it. Well. More than sulking if he was honest. Had he cried on Wayne's shoulder? Absolutely. Did he get a speeding ticket on his way to the hospital once Max had called him? Absolutely.

Eddie stood in the doorway of Billy's hospital room, looking in on his best friend like the universe had put a knife through his heart. Billy looked barely alive. Fragile.

Eddie was one of the very few visitors that Billy got. Neil Hargrove hadn't shown his face once. Max had told him in a hushed voice that he had packed his things to leave town. Billy was a hero for saving so many people in the mall fire, and Neil still hated him. Didn't want a disabled son.

Billy woke up alone. He wasn't surprised to wake up alone, in a hospital room without a single card on his bedside. Sure, he wasn't surprised... but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. It hurt like being cracked open from the inside out. A glaring statement that told Billy Hargrove:

'You don't matter.'

Even alone, Billy stifled his sobs so he wouldn't be noticed.

"Easy tough guy," the gentle voice came from the doorway, making Billy's heart jump up into his throat. Eddie came in with the nurses, who checked his vitals and pain levels. But Billy barely noticed them. He was focused on the boy whose smile cleansed the tar clinging to his heart.

"Thought I told you to piss off," Billy snorted through his tears, managing a shaky smile.

"I've never been good at listening," Eddie replied, rubbing his hand through Billy's bed messy curls. "Can't shake me that easy, sweetheart. I thought you'd have learned that by now. That grouchy bullshit isn't gonna shake me," he assured. Eddie was determined enough to stick out the hurricane.

"You're annoying," Billy spat at him, pushing his hand away.

"And I'm determined to continue to be," Eddie replied as he snatched Billy's wrist. He slid his hand up to lace their fingers and squeeze.

"Give it time," Billy said, seemingly unimpressed. He refused to look at Eddie, only because the idiot was gazing at him like he was someone precious.

"I've got time," Eddie replied, unshaken.

"Jesus, Munson, why don't you just— just leave me the hell alone?! Why are you always," Billy's breath hitched as his voice broke. Eddie was always there. Like a balm to his wounds. He didn't flinch when Neil beat him. He opened the door or answered the call no matter how late. Eddie Munson was a rock in the hurricane, ready to weather his storm.

Billy thought back to the memories El had shown him in that pit of darkness. His mother, the beach, the waves... and the snowy December day that Billy had fallen in love with Eddie Munson.

Billy didn't resist when Eddie placed his hand on his neck, thumbing his jaw like he was brittle. Fragile. And Billy supposed he was.

"God damn," Eddie whispered, smiling at Billy with tender eyes.

"What? Quit fucking looking at me like that. Like— like... pity. Jesus or like I'm gonna break. I don't need your bullshit sympathies, or your God damn coddling, Munson."

Billy felt like a wild animal, backed into the corner of a cage. Snapping and growling at the tender hands that wanted to hold him. Especially if that monster still lurked inside him somewhere. Ready to hurt.

That fear washed away when Eddie kissed Billy's knuckles, something soft. Endearing. Billy could only hitch a sob as his forehead thudded in to rest on Eddie's collarbone. He squeezed Eddie's hand, and to his relief... Eddie squeezed back. It felt a whole lot like someone saying:

'You matter. I love you.'

And for once, Billy wasn't afraid of it being a lie.

#mungrove #billy hargrove #eddie munson #mentions of abuse #abuse tw #neil hargrove is his own trigger warning #hurt/comfort #Billy Lives

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silverstonesainz-archive · 2 years ago

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it’s still the 15 in la so forgive me for the late submission i’m adoring these least-to-most-likely scenarios and would love to hear your thoughts on the 2023 grid + danny, mick, and seb in terms of who’d successfully one day randomly pop up with a secret wife of ten years and three kids as if it were a casual thing

from least-to-most-likely... im sorry this is so long and a lil late

lando -> idk i think its a generational thing where soft launches & validation through social media is all the rave. so i think lando wouldnt or even couldn't hide it even if we wanted to. and i think lando likes showing off his girl, hes very comfortable in his relationships (ie talking about luisa in dts).

pierre -> absolutely not. he loves showing off what– rather who, he loves. i mean yall.... his photos with katerina are still up on his instagram he loves that shit. SO NO he will not being keeping a wife and family a secret. if he had it his way he would livestream his wife giving birth. tell me i'm wrong, i dare you.

logan -> he is a young, white man. and i mean white. american white. and if there is anything i know about caucasian men in all my years of dealing with them, there is no hiding a girl even if their life depended on it. same deal as lando too, where soft launches and the need for validation through posting is very much ingrained in the current dating culture sooooo yea.

fernando -> this man is so unserious, and also a boomer-wanna-be-gen-z when it comes to social media so its all about sharing his love and his corazon. though i will say he will be pretty selective with what he shares. and i think he'd pull a rosberg, in that he will post family photos but with emojis over his baby's faces.

nico -> something about this man just tells me that he enjoys the validation and the sharing a lot. we'd hear about the engagement, the pregnancy, all through instagram. but i think he'd do it in cringey cute way. my man is on pinterest with "cute pregnancy announcement inspo" in the search bar.

checo -> he is a proud papa & husband (minus that time in monaco). he loves having his family around him so there isn't a reason why he would ever keep it a secret. though i will say, much like he already does, he would try to keep his family/personal life very much seperate from his work. i think all we'd see of his family is when they show up to races or milestones/birthdays via social media.

charles -> i think he just loves sharing pieces of his life with us that keeping his family a secret would be impossible. charles would 100% walk onto the paddock with his daughter on his hip. they would be wearing matching sunglasses (raybans bc forza ferrari. and not her own pair, one of daddy's). but not outfits bc mama dressed her baby, not charles.

valterri -> he tries to keep what goes on in his personal life as on the down low as possible. i think that he would definitely try to keep his kids out of pap photos & try to hide their faces but other than that i think we would all be aware of his ever-growing family. i think he'd do smth cheesy like post a photo from the back of him and his son with matchin mullets. or maybe a photo of lewis carrying his daughter bc 'uncle lew had to get a matching outfit with his god daughter.'

oscar -> i could've lumped him higher on the list with lando/logan but smth about oscar tells me otherwise. like idk what it is about him but i think he'd try to keep it on the hush hush for as long as he can before eventually sharing with the world. we'd be surviving off soft launches for a WHILE methinks. (but i could be so wrong bc idk oscar this is just based off his face).

kevin -> we'd know (i mean we know now). but similar to fernando in a sense where he chooses what pieces of his time with his wife and kids he wants to share with the world. i think he is very protective of his family and the peace he's worked on building around them.

esteban -> you know... with the way his & elena's relationship is going i can definitely see this man randomly dropping that he's married one day. but the thing is, is that we would all already have an idea of who his wife is, if that makes sense. we'd get little bouts of content from him. a very 'private, not secret' type beat.

nyck -> just like esteban in a sense where we'd know who the wife would be. i think the marriage would come as a shock, but as their family grows i think he'd drop hints and stuff. nyck will definitely bring his kid(s) to at least one race a year and i just have an inkling that his child would be a menace.

alex -> he's happy to share the small moments with the world, but oh it would be very sparse. just little crumbs here and there. he protects what he loves so much, but he's much too proud and excited not to share. think of all the baby photos with all the animals. the matching hair-dos. the baby hating photos as much as dad hates media so when the paps come around baby has the same frown.

daniel -> we would know, but i think he would take his time introducing that part of his life to us. we'd always know he's married & has kids, but we would also have to live off of soft launches for a bit. daniel is a proud man, proud of the life he builds and who he chose to build it with. and daniel would 100% walk onto the paddock with his kids hanging off of him. his daughter on his back, son upside down in his arms.... do you see the vision???

lewis -> this man could go either way. on the one hand i can see lewis showing off the love of his life and his family bc thats what lewis does. he shows off the people he loves. but then i can also see him keeping it quiet, keeping just a piece of his life a secret because in the position he's in, he doesn't have too many secrets to himself left. so yeah... but tell me what yall think.

carlos -> carlos would've been lower on the list with all that 'i protect love' crap but me personally, i just don't see it. i think that we'd all somehow find out about his engagement + growing family somehow. like carlos is always being followed by the paps for literally WHAT. so yeah, i don't think it would be best kept secret. also he's such a family man, i think he'd jump at the opportunity to share his family with the world.

lance -> i know lance has posted his s.o. before, but there is something about this man that tells me when it's a love that he really really values and wants to protect, he will keep it a secret. he will keep them away from the limelight, from the unnecessary attention for as long as possible. idk about 10yrs and then pop out with a whole wife & kids, but i definitely think he'd be the type randomly drop on wednesday that he's engaged.

george -> i think this man could pull it off if he wanted to. i think he'd go ghost on social media in terms of what he does in his personal time. like itll be all race content until one day he just drops a photo of him & his wife welcoming their new baby. i can see it. but i think it all depends on him.

yuki -> idk i think in a relationship he'd be very reserved about it. i think that he'd hate the attention he would end up receiving about dating, so much so he'd prefer if no one knew right away. i think that we'd always know he's with someone bc of like soft launch-esque photos of hands/back of their head. but yeah we'd never truly know who until much much later.

guanyu -> guanyu truly gives me vibes of wanting to protect his family and try to keep them separate from his work. and not even in a malicious way, but in a sense where he doesn't want the people he loves most to be put under undeserving scrutiny. he'd find ways to bring them to races & events but truly, the public would never know.

max -> if were being completely honest here, we know so much about max's love life because of who he's involved with. but if he had it his way, i think we he would pull it off. like i think he would randomly drop the "my wife & kids" line out of no where and it would take the world by storm. and max would say it so nonchalantly too.

mick -> i think that he could pull it off. even in his last relationship, i dont recall ever seeing him post about/with her so... he is definitely a very very private guy. and he has a very tight group of friends at that, so i doubt any information would ever get out to the public unless mick makes a move first.

seb -> he's a very private guy, who didn't even have instagram until last year... and it was to announce his RETIREMENT. and though we know about hannah, we don't know much about his kids. i think i remember kym telling a story about how sebastian asked him & other photographers not to photograph his kids when they came on the paddock so.... seb will go through hoops and the extra mile to be sure a secret is kept.

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thepastisalreadywritten · 8 months ago

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By Kate Andrews

Has Kate Middleton united America? For the past few days, we have been one nation under her spell.

The Princess of Wales has dominated Google searches in the United States ever since Kensington Palace released that now-notorious doctored photo of her with her children for Mother’s Day.

Her name search beat that of both ‘Donald Trump’ and ‘Joe Biden’ over the past week.

To say she has broken the internet would be only the start of it: rumours of her well-being are making their way into every newsroom, dive bar, and church fellowship hour across America.

My friends from all over the country text and call me to ask the same question: What’s happened to Kate?

They know I’m as removed from the royal family as anyone could be, but I’m in London and I work in Westminster, so they hope I’ve heard a theory that hasn’t made its way across the pond just yet.

Left-liberal pals who usually text me when Trump says something obscene now want to know when I last walked by Buckingham Palace.

Did anything seem strange? More right-leaning friends, who tend to send videos of Biden jumbling his words, want to know if it’s unusual in Britain to not wear your wedding ring.

Or did someone photoshop her ring out of the Mother’s Day photo, too? Is that even her hand in the picture?

I wonder if Kate knows she has achieved the impossible in bringing America together in this way.

I suppose that depends on where she’s been, how she’s been faring, and how much she’s checking the news – all questions that largely remain unanswered.

Either way, it’s an impressive feat and a wonderful service she has performed.

Sure, it would be nice if existential threats to the United States and its citizens were cause enough for us to find common ground. But I’m not going to be picky.

I will forever be grateful for this smidgen of evidence that, if the cause is compelling enough, America can pull itself back from the brink.

How did ‘Kate-gate’ go viral in a nation that isn’t even her own? The princess’s prolonged absence from public life has the right components to capture America’s imagination.

We are a country obsessed with The Crown and true crime. Since we rejected the British monarchy almost 250 years ago, we have rarely had the opportunity to combine the two.

The mystery of Kate’s movements and the online sleuthing required to discredit that photograph proved to be a golden moment.

But it’s the cover-up elements, which made the story stratospheric.

Like everything else in the States, conspiracy theories tend to be big – the more far-fetched, the more viral they go.

Trumpist QAnon talk has never appealed to non-partisan Instagram girlies, but speculation around a princess’s whereabouts make for perfect 20-part video series to add to your highlights reel.

That’s because Kate-gate is not your traditional conspiracy fare.

The big questions – what’s happened to Kate, where has she been – have not been whipped up from nothing.

Suspicion has been fed by a number of public-relations mishandlings from the Palace.

Stories have changed, a photo has been botched and is still being censored on social media.

This is particularly strange given the normal PR slickness of the Firm: a protective, ruthless operation that presidents and popstars envy.

Some of the rumours have taken absurd and dangerous turns. But it’s not only fantasists who have questions. Something seems to be happening; we just don’t know what.

We may never find out what Kate has been up to these past months. And perhaps we shouldn’t. Her medical issues aren’t our business, after all.

But we know what’s happened to her in the eyes of the public: Brand Kate has skyrocketed.

She and her family have become even more intriguing – the Prince and Princess of Wales’s Instagram and X accounts gained more than 200,000 followers combined in the days after the doctored photo was posted.

That intrigue has made the princess all the more sensational.

Kate is now a mega-celebrity. She has the kind of fame her sister-in-law craves so badly.

Markle’s tactic was to shout from the rooftops: to make herself and her point of view heard through every media platform and streaming service that showed any interest. It worked for a while.

Had a pandemic not scuppered her big moment, ‘Megxit’ would have been the story of 2020.

She and Harry still got to sit down with Oprah. Netflix charted their journey from the Palace to the Hollywood Hills. But attention quickly waned.

This week, the duchess finds herself doing what every fame-hustler must do in the fight for survival: launching a lifestyle brand.

Her Californian-inspired venture, called American Riviera Orchard, will be offering us fashion advice and gardening tips, along with another outlet selling artisan jams and yoga gear.

Yet as she pushes the cutlery and cookbooks, it’s absent Kate whose face is projected all over the world: a testament, if there ever was one, to the power of silence.

Given the long line of mess-ups from the Palace, this boost for Kate is a fairly good outcome.

The princess disappeared for a few months, and the world made its message clear: we simply can’t bear to be without her.

When she returns to public life, she will be more adored and loved than ever.

The rumours and theories will die down. The outpouring of support for the Princess of Wales will continue.

It seems likely that she will, as promised, resume public duty in the spring.

The future queen of England will return, radiant as ever, to stand next to her future king and her family, as if nothing ever happened.

We’ll watch on, always with the niggling feeling that there was something we weren’t told and that not knowing is the key to the charm.

As Walter Bagehot said:

‘We must not let in daylight upon magic’ – or photoshop, for that matter.

NOTE: Additional photos have been included in this article.

#Princess of Wales #Catherine Princess of Wales #Catherine Middleton #Kate Middleton #British Royal Family #Brand Kate #trending #viral #fake news #misinformation #disinformation #cancer #chemotherapy #break the internet #Kate-Gate

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brightlight-dazzlingeyes · 11 months ago

Text

CELEBRITY | chapter 01

rúben dias x original female character [+18]

SYNOPSIS: The protagonist knows for a fact she'll be famous someday. The way it happens is not as she planned, though. WARNINGS: dark romance; revenge p*rn; minor injury; mentions of blood; mentions of cheating; minors dni.

|[previous chapter]| — |[masterlist]|

CHAPTER I — THE VIDEO

The worst day of her life starts in a cramped apartment, a tiny box in a decaying building, a place where dreams wither and die.

The peeling wallpaper has witnessed too many damp nights, and the floorboards groans in complaints with every reluctant step. The window panes are coated with city filth, and they can barely let in the slivers of a gray day; the light looks worn out before it even hits the furniture.

And then, there’s the protagonist. Radiant, untouched by the dumpster fire that is this place. She glides through the chaos like a ghost of grace. Her presence is a sunbeam slashing through the fog, a reminder that even in the darkest corners, there can be a glimmer of something extraordinary.

Beyond the protagonist’s bedroom it's chaos incarnate. Dirty dishes pile up in the sink, and the hum of low-budget appliances mixes with the muffled arguments and laughter from her roommates and neighboring apartments. In the bathroom, the mirror is cracked and stained, reflecting fractured images of each occupant's struggle for normalcy.

Our girl sneaks into the kitchen and with ease, she starts brewing coffee, a sort of morning ritual of calm amid the storm.

As the bitter aroma begins to fill the air, she mechanically grabs her phone and dives into the vortex of her social media, seeking a quick escape from the madness around her.

She hears it before she realizes what it is.

A scream, raw and unrestrained. It's her own scream – a guttural reaction to something horrific she's just seen on the screen. The coffee, momentarily forgotten, sends ripples in its mug. She clutches the phone, her eyes wide with shock.

Fury courses through her veins, and she can't recall stepping into a car; all that matters is where she’s headed.

How dare he?

She doesn't know what’s worse – the damning video or the venomous audio that followed:

“You said you wanted to be famous! Bitch, I can make you famous.”

It's the video. The video is worse.

She searches her memory, but there's no recollection of consenting to being recorded. No agreement, just an invasion of privacy. Yet, it’s there – the video he felt entitled enough to send.

A voice in her head insists he won't share it, that he's married, and the consequences would be dire for him. But logic loses its battle against the graphic images on the screen – his face absent, only a hand and an even more inappropriate part of his anatomy.

It shouldn't matter. If he's unhinged enough to do this, she can't risk it. Panic sets in; she needs assurance that he deletes every trace he has of her. She's not Kim Kardashian; her feeble singing career would crumble at the exposure of a video with a married Premier League player. Recovery would be impossible.

When she arrives at his home, she feels like an intruder. It's a familiar place, one she's sneaked into countless times in the nighttime, when he had the house for himself. But being there for the first time in the light of day, she discovers the opulence of the house feels utterly alien.

The grandeur of the entrance foyer greets her like an unwelcome guest. An imposing staircase sweeps upwards, adorned with an ostentatious chandelier. The air carries the unmistakable scent of his expensive cologne and the lingering residue of privilege.

In the living room, she finds him surrounded by friends.

“What the fuck?” He's incredulous at her audacious decision, silently grateful that his wife is away with the kids. “You can’t just show up here. Are you crazy?”

“Oh, now I’m the crazy one? Delete that video. I won't let you ruin my life.”

At the corner of the room, the male lead sits down, observing the brewing storm. He quietly calculates his next move.

The protagonist holds her ground. "Delete the damn video."

And her demand hangs in the air.

“Fuck, no!” REDACTED answers.

The tension escalates and the confrontation reaches its boiling point. The protagonist feels a surge of frustration and helplessness, she clenches her fists, her nails digging into her palms. The pain is immediate, a sharp sting that momentarily dulls her emotional turmoil. Ignoring the throbbing ache in her hands, she turns away from REDACTED.

She finds a small decorative object on a nearby table – a delicate crystal vase. In an impulsive act of frustration, she grabs the vase without a second thought. The cold surface presses into her hand, and with a swift, unthinking motion, she throws the vase against the wall.

The sound of shattering glass echoes through the room. A shard of glass grazes her hand in the process and a small trickle of blood emerges, running down her fingers.

The room falls into a stunned silence.

With a timing reserved only for the most special characters in a story, the male lead speaks up.

“Come on, man. Do what she’s asking.” He directs his friend, breaking the tension with a straightforward command. It's the first time the protagonist takes a good look at him.

Rúben Dias. She knows him, of course, she knows everybody in the team, but she has never seen him up close before. He's beautiful, and in this moment, he exudes an imposing aura. Even though he's not speaking directly to her, she still recoils under the weight of his presence.

“Jesus, alright. I’ll delete it. Come on, I was just joking!” REDACTED raises his hand in a mock surrender, laughter dripping from his words. “I’ll delete it.” He repeats.

And he does, though not without silently cursing Rúben for being in the room and witnessing the scene. REDACTED knows if things went south, Rúben would open his big mouth and get him in trouble, leaving him no other choice. He shows his phone to the protagonist, revealing the file with her name on it, protected with a password. The contents are too much for her to bear, and she has to hold back a wave of nausea. Nevertheless, he deletes everything, and she leaves the house immediately afterwards.

The door closes behind her with a muffled thud. To her surprise, Rúben is right there, having followed her.

“Fuck off!” She says, her voice is a mixture of frustration and defiance.

“I’m not ‘fucking off’. Come on, let me take you to a hospital. You’re bleeding!” He insists with genuine concern on his face.

“I’ll just wash it, it’ll be fine.” The protagonist dismisses, attempting to downplay the situation.

“Seriously, my mother would kill me if I just left you here.”

She stops, hesitating for a moment, before finally saying, "Can you just drive me to a hospital and leave me there?" There's a brief pause, and then she adds, "I don’t want to be seen with you, no offense."

To her surprise, he doesn't look offended, and so she continues, "Also, help me text a friend so she can meet me there?”

He laughs, breaking the tension, and says, “That’s a good compromise. Now let’s go!”

|[masterlist]| — |[next chapter]|

#football fanfic #ruben dias #ruben dias x reader #rúben dias #football fic

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topazadine · 2 months ago

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"I Can Think of Ideas But Can't Write Them!"

Estimated Reading Time: 13 Minutes

Irrelevant hyperspecific Cleveland Ohio meme (it came up on my files when I searched for "think" so now you're stuck with it too)

Anyway, I see some iteration of this sentiment on the reg, both here and on other social media.

"I have this awesome idea about XYZ, but when I sit down to do it, I find it impossible to do anything. How do I get started?"

Great question and exceptionally valid; I think a lot of us have dealt with this at some point or another. So let's go through why you might have this happen to you and what you can do about it.

Perma-reminder that this is just my opinion and you are free to disagree, to think I am stupid, whatever. Take what you like and leave the rest.

Reasons why you might feel that you have great ideas but can't execute them

Writing, like many other activities, is just as much about your mindset as it is about your practice and your skills.

We can either psych ourselves into writing some amazing, lifechanging work ... or we can convince ourselves that we shouldn't even bother.

So how does our mindset play into our writing abilities? Here's some possible answers.

You've thought about it too much.

In essence, you've worked through the plot points so many times and refined them in your head to the point that you fear putting it on the page because you're certain that it won't match the beautiful vision you've daydreamed.

I have no evidence for this other than my own intuition, but I think this might happen more to people who are a 4 or 5 on the Vividness of Visual Imagery scale. I'm only a 3 so I don't have this problem quite as much. People with a 1 or 2 VVIQ score might have this problem even less, but don't quote me.

You are trying to envision the entire thing at once without outlining.

Most writers, including yours truly, cannot contain an entire story in our heads without any notes whatsoever.

For some reason, though, some newer writers are incredibly averse to outlining; they want the entire thing to spring forth from their heads whole cloth. Not everyone, of course, but enough people that I have noticed a trend.

I suspect this might be due to some academic trauma from being forced to outline every little thing in school and then being judged on that outline. But no one's judging or grading you anymore; your outline is just for you. Don't worry about it being perfect. It just needs to exist.

There are too many moving parts and you feel overwhelmed.

I encourage writers who are just getting started to focus on a simpler story to begin with. You can write your epic 120k thriller later; the idea is not going anywhere. It will always be there, waiting for you to be ready.

You feel that the project, in its current iteration, is beyond your capabilities.

And it very well might be, but you shouldn't let that stop you. Something existing in its rawest form is better than it not existing at all. There's always time and time more still to fix it as you grow in your capabilities.

You are a perfectionist.

This goes with the above point but also extends to other problems with writing, including being reluctant to revise and nitpicking your work as you go along.

Perfectionists often experience so much anxiety about the idea of not doing their best that they procrastinate or refuse to do something at all because they don't think they can do it perfectly in one go. Many "lazy" people are actually terrified of failure so they don't put in any effort.

It's something you need to work on as a writer, because there is no such thing as a publishable, literary-classic-quality first draft. A perfect first draft is one that exists.

You've got Imposter Syndrome.

Then we've got those who don't have an accurate assessment of their abilities and it holds them back. Imposter Syndrome often goes hand-in-hand with perfectionism; you feel like you're not as good as the writers you like, so you don't bother trying to reach their level.

Imposter Syndrome is the epitome of "comparison is the thief of joy." I have a lot of writers who I know are better than me; my favorite writers have lifted the bar so high that few will ever surpass them. I doubt I will ever get to their heights of success and eloquence.

But I do not let this stop me because I know that once upon a time, they were exactly where I am. Well, maybe not exactly where I am in Cleveland, lurking in the depths of Lake Erie. Skills-wise, though? They've all been here too.

You're thinking too far ahead.

I mentioned this in my post about how to write faster: writing has stages that must be put together one at a time. Every writer has different stages and does them different ways, but the average writer is not plotting, outlining, drafting, revising, publishing, and marketing at the very same time. It's just too much all at once.

When writing, don't think about everything else. Don't think about whether it will sell, or how long it will take to revise, or how to query, or any of that. All you need to think about is plot -> outline -> draft, in that order. And then you'll be okay.

How to Get Idea on Paper Now

Relax.

Yes, really. The first step is to relax. Take a deep breath. Tell all your anxieties about whether you'll ever get published, or whether you can do this, or whether you're even capable of writing, to shut the fuck up.

When you get those anxious thoughts, tell them that they are not helpful and they are not serving you. Practice mindfulness, such as by reciting a mantra to yourself until the thoughts give up. Outlast them out of spite.

Ask yourself what is scaring you so much.

Again, much of your struggles with writing likely come from your fears about the outcome rather than genuinely not being sure how to proceed.

You came up with this awesome idea, and you have probably played it in your head over and over again for days, weeks, months, years, but now find it impossible to get started. That tells me that you do have a story in you, but there's a blockage somewhere from brain to fingers.

So, gently question yourself about this and remember these key answers to your concerns.

Are you afraid of failing? If so, you have to ask what failing actually means in terms of writing. That you won't live up to your own expectations? Most of us won't, at least at first. And that's okay. You're trying, and that's what matters most. Are you afraid people will laugh at your work? Well, there are a lot of shit people in the world who love to tear others down. That says more about them than it does about you. Are you afraid you'll waste time on this project that will go nowhere? No writing is wasted. It's all practice. Are you worried you'll never get published? You're getting ahead of yourself. Nothing gets published if it's never written. Are you afraid that you're not going to do your work justice? You probably won't at first. And that's okay! Writing is wonderful because you get to keep picking at it until it is perfect. Unlike other crafts, such as knitting or embroidery or woodworking or painting, you don't get just one shot. You get as many shots as you want.

Release your perfectionist tendencies.

I know, this is easier said than done.

Perfectionism is not very helpful as a writer because either you never put anything down because you're afraid it sucks, or you peck so long at your completed draft that you never finish it. At some point, you need to just say "fuck it" and be done with the damn thing.

Could I peck and poke and prod at my drafts forever? Sure. I see things I could fix in all my works, even the published ones. I'd drive myself crazy if I continually reread my work with an editor's eye.

So, I like to see my work as kind of like Impressionist art.

Taken together, it makes a beautiful whole, but some asshole could go and complain about every little paint smear and how it doesn't exactly match the vision. And that person is dumb. And I don't want to be that person to myself, or to you.

When you've gotten to the point where you are utterly sick of your finished product and you'd rather stab yourself in the face than look at it again, then you are done. Go, my friend. Be free.

Stop reading authors you admire.

... For now! Not forever. Just give them a break for now, especially if you are dealing with Imposter Syndrome.

When you're struggling to get your idea finished, it's very easy to demotivate yourself by looking at authors you love and comparing yourself to them. But these authors have advantages you do not (at the moment).

They've been writing for years.

They may have professional training, like an MA in Creative Writing, or even teach this for work (like Anthony Doerr, one of my faves).

They have a team of professional editors who fix all their dumb mistakes and guide them through the revision process.

You are seeing the completed project, which has been looked over dozens of times, and not seeing the effort it took to get there. Their drafts may have been even shittier than yours, but you don't get to see that in most instances. So put them aside and promise to return to them later.

You should still read stuff, of course. But I recommend reading authors you don't like (yes, you can learn from them as well). Beta read for other people who are at your same level. Not only will you see that you're doing just fine, but you'll also get to learn from their mistakes.

Plus, I hate to sound mean, but yeah, it can be an ego boost.

That's why I don't read books by my moots until I'm in the Percolating or Revising stage, because I know their books are wonderful and will make me feel a lil sad about my own skills. I hate-read instead.

Remember that you can revise as many times as necessary

The way we teach writing, at least in the United States, is utterly antithetical to making great habits; specifically, I'm thinking about timed essays like the ACT. I got a 36 on the writing section of my ACT but I was still sweating bullets the whole fucking time because I would essentially be penalized for taking it slow and thinking things through.

You need to unlearn this habit. If you are writing for pleasure or self-publishing, there are no deadlines. You don't have a due date. You don't need to turn anything in. No one is checking over your shoulder, dinging you for not having a flawless essay done in 1 hour or less.

One of the best books to reassure anxious writers is More About How to Write a Million, specifically the revision section. The work is a bit dated now but the examples remain timeless, showing exactly how much work professional authors do to get from a sorta-shitty first draft to something beautiful. No draft starts out as a perfect angel. They're all a little ugly.

Writing takes as long as it needs to. Revisions are done as necessary. Revise, and revise, and revise again. It doesn't have to be perfect in one go.

Do it Bird by Bird

I love this phrase by Anne Lamott and use it all the time for everything. There's plenty of other adages that are similar, like "the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step."

One thing at a time. Split the whole process into chunks. When you try to think of everything all at once, you get overwhelmed and demotivated.

This was my order when I wrote the first story for The Eirenic Verses, which is now actually the sixth book in the series (love how that works for me).

Create a concept. High Poetry.

Refine the concept. High Poetry can be used for warfare, healing, etc, and was given to Breme by the goddess Poesy.

Create a main character. Cerie Korviridi, a High Poet. All I knew about her personality at first was that she is kind of a bitch, but she slowly grew into much more as I continued to write her.

Create a world. Breme, which has High Poetry but is impoverished, and Sina, which does not have High Poetry but is technologically advanced.

Create other characters to populate the world. Haniya, Uileac, Orrinir, Mordrek, Ono, and background characters as necessary. They are all connected to Cerie in different ways and have different relationships with her.

Create a plot. Cerie must use her High Poetry to end the war between Breme and Sina.

Develop the outline. Using the Plot Mountain method I have mentioned before.

Cut the outline down to the basics. Using the Double Outline method I will explain in a minute.

Develop the sections. I write by scene rather than chapter, as I mentioned in another post.

Write the intro. The first chapter went through a lot of revisions, I will admit.

Write the climax. To know what I am building up to.

Write the ending. To know where I'm ending up.

Write the subclimaxes. Other scenes of tension and intensity.

Write the downtimes. Places for exposition and discussion.

Percolate. I let it sit for a while while I went to outline and write other parts of the series.

Revise. Self-explanatory!

Percolate and Revise again.

Say "fuck it" and be done. And now it is glaring at me from my MS pile, waiting for its turn.

Write the blurb and marketing materials. Those are sitting in storage.

Rinse and repeat. Now that I am writing in an established universe, I don't need to do steps 1 through 5.

If I think about this all at once, I'd probably go "TWENTY WHOLE FUCKING STEPS? WITH SUBSTEPS?? I'm going to drown myself" and not do anything.

So, instead, I went "Okay, I have an idea. Now I will refine the idea. Now I will impose the idea on a hapless victim. And now I'll throw her into a world. And now ...."

You get the point.

Try the Double Outline Method

The Double Outline Method was invented by me for people like you (and me). People who want to capture every single possible detail before they get started writing, but then find themselves losing all motivation because they've basically done the whole thing in outline form.

With this method, you can cram every last plot twist and thought and theme and whatever into your outline ... and then let it go and use a much simpler outline to actually work.

This way, you can give your Bordie Collie brain its little treat and set it to the real work: herding all your thought-sheep into order.

Now, I have some tips to help you actually get the damn thing done once you have tackled your insecurities. I'm wishing you the best of luck, my friend!

I've created a masterlist of writing resources that you can peruse at your leisure, all for free.

The posts I write can sometimes take me hours - they're always intricate, always thoughtful. This one took me about 2 hours to write.

I do this as a labor of love for the writing community, sharing what I have learned from almost 15 years of creative writing.

However, if you'd like to support me, maybe you'll consider buying my book?

At $0.99, that's about 7 cents for each minute you spent reading this post.

9 Years Yearning is a gay coming-of-age romance set in a fantasy world. It follows Uileac Korviridi, a young soldier training at the War Academy. His primary motivations are honoring the memory of his late parents, protecting his little sister Cerie, and becoming a top-notch soldier.

However, there's a problem: Orrinir Relickim, a rough and tough fellow pupil who just can't seem to leave Uileac alone.

The book features poetry, descriptions of a beautiful country inspired by Mongolia, and a whole lot of tsundere vibes.

You can also check it out on Goodreads for a list of expanded distribution. If you loved it, be sure to preorder Pride Before a Fall, arriving January 1, 2025!

If you do purchase my book, don't forget to leave a review!

Reviews are vital for visibility on Amazon and help to support indie authors like me. Whenever you love a book, be sure to let the author know! It's much appreciated.

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