#like its abolutely mental sorry

[artluvsyou]

the challengers fandom is so massive wydm im getting 600 notes on a blurb meanwhile my 40k word full fic 30k worth of blurbs lifes work in another fandom is barely breaking 120 on a Good day

[greensaplinggrace]

im going insane btw jon was literally right. tim's so angry at him for how he acted paranoid out of his mind and like. i get it. but jon was right. sasha was a doppleganger!! his boss is a manipulative cunt that is trying to end the world! people are quite literally out to fucking get him!! like tim i get it i get it but are you aware of the genre you're in im alskdjflk

[notcatherinemorland]

ok i Had a bit of Fancy UpMyArse Analysis about ‘emotional horor’ as a (sub)genre but i then saw a fire emblem post so naturally ive forgotten every other thought in my head. 

i absolutely sound like an asshole, and i know nothing about any of this. but i have a lot of emotions and i like gothic novels so therefore im absolutely 110% qualified to wax lyrical on the failings of modern horror as a genre.

the book i read that had ‘emotional horror’ as a tag-along line was devil rock by paul tremblay (which, wonderful book but i preferred his other two) where the pivot of the fear element, if u like, was the fear of a mother who’s child had gone missing. 

every time i talk about horror genre i Have to do the thing where i define things for the imaginary reader bc when i talk about horror and terror, i fully subscribe to ann radcliffe’s definition. i’m sure ive mentioned it time and time again here BUT because i enjoy talking about it. Terror is ~ the feelings of fear and dread, the suspense of the horror, capitalising on the anxiety, .. the gothic liminal space effect, if ur me, where you Know you’re not safe, but you’re not face to face with the danger. the space in between. Horror is ~ confrontation with the monster itself, fits alongside sublime and grotesque, its shock and repulsion and the immediate threat, the adrenaline rush that comes with experiencing the horror element. 

i don’t say that to be condescending or to mansplain.. i say that so a) any poor soul who reads things i say (future me) knows what the fuck im on about when i talk about it & b) . i just really enjoy chatting about that. i just. like talking about the difference between horror and terror . idk why. i just dig it.  also here down ‘horror’ equals radcliffe horror, ‘horror genre’ = .. the genre of horror. horror as the noun.

anyway. ‘emotional horror.’ i remember it struck me at first because i thought huh isn’t horror as a genre based in emotion? - but with pure regard to modern horror, emotional horror seems to mean the provocation of empathy for the characters, or that the ‘horrific element’ stems from an emotional source - grief, mental health, a missing child from a mother’s perspective. 

i fully admit i haven’t watched/read enough what i could annoyingly call ‘horror-horror’ content, ie films that rely a lot of physical action and reaction to be horror - the shining with physical safety, that one film about the deaf woman being hunted in her cabin in the woods (great film, i hated the experience of watching it.) uhh. i’m a philistine so i’d shove literally any standard horror film under this banner. friday 13th, chucky, that kinda thing. i’m sure there’s really nuanced analysis of them about the themes they explore like omnipresence of religion and how god doesn’t matter in a world with free will and that kind of thing . but the annoying bottom line for me is that if it’s got jumpscares and gore, it gets shoved into ‘this is a film with emphasis on radcliffe horror and i will Suffer.’ so. i don’t watch them. i fucking HATE jumpscares. I am abolutely passing judgement on a genre i have no taste for or care to experience, and tho i therefore should not talk about it . this will not stop me . 

sorry, it’s 1am. where was i. emotional horror. 

modern horror is a very foreign ground to me, because i just. entrenched myself in a little pit of gothic lit for 3 years, discovered that ‘woah! this is a contemporary genre too!’ and then read 5 chapters of stephen king and lost my faith in humanity hjgfhhhj. but emotional horror? that’s a fucking fascinating catagory. but i really bloody wonder why it’s been segregated from pure horror genre. because imo. they Should be one in the same. whats the point in horror genre content if it’s not digging claws into proper emotional fears and making a story out of that. OH one book i loved reading was ‘the wrong train’ by . someone. where the fear is typical and very abstract until the very last lines (spoilers.. where the protagonist is set up to die offscreen) and it’s a Beautiful twist. it’s very strange because the kicker of the book was the very last part and left largely unexplored. but at the same time if a story was to start there and follow onwards.. i’d be likely to shove it in my ‘horror-horror’ catagory. depending on if it explored the emotional effects on the characters in a way that was more than physical. 

films - especially films, because unless the writer is doing a dickhead move and eliminating the character’s emotional depth from the narrative, tend to have superficial displays of terror, horror and overwhelming emotion. by limitation of the medium alone . it’s the show not tell thing all over again. film a woman screaming and crying in fear of the ghost hunting her.. or have the camera circle her, blur all the shot but her, make the shot of her as intense as the emotion the actress portrays. i absolutely sound like an asshole, and i know nothing about this. but i have a lot of emotions and i like gothic novels so therefore im absolutely 110% qualified to wax lyrical on the failings of modern horror FHIGBKEFH. 

it’s one thirty am and i need to STOP oh my god how did i write this much about fucking horror genre but i can’t write 4000 characters of a ucas statement. many reasons, mostly that a ucas statement is zero wasted space and this ramble is 90% dead air. 

anyway. emotional horror. im fucking fascinated . im appreciative of the segregation so i can find things i’ll enjoy. but. why push it into a niche when it’s fucking integral to what makes horror .. good/worthwhile (to be an asshole)/what i personally enjoy lmao

edit: i didn;t actually,, fuckign say this,, when i say ‘exploring horror thru physical means’ like the asshat i am, i mean hack and slash film, gore, onscreen bodily trauma. that kinda content. the things out find in season 4 of supernatural. where the film is very concerned with exploring the boundaries of the physical body ie . get grusomely dismembered. as opposed to ‘emotional horror’ .. like the babadook honestly. where the boundaries crossed are very mental and emotional. 

that.. that’s a whole different post and the one i was actually trying to make. fuck. 

also. i’m just a picky bitch. one kind of horror is not necessarily better or worse than the other, and we choose where we place our value in media. personal taste is paramount and im not here to shit on what other people enjoy. i just happen to be annoying about what i do. 

[ironghoul]

(hey yall)

(So its been a while and im v sorry ive been away so long!!!! ;; my mental health has crashed and gotten really, really bad over the past few months (my bipolar disorder+manic depression in specific) and its been very hard for me to function on a daily basis, and unfortunately the act of writing things, from general messages to RP posts to fic to ecen this post, has become very VERY hard for me bc of the brainfog I endure from my bipolar 2. My ghost muse in general has also kind of gone to sleep in a sense LMAO and i cant be 100% certain as to why it did, though i have some p clear ideas on what at least contributed (from the state of this fanbase being, to put it bluntly, complete Scheiße and also i got super into the Suspiria remake anskdkdshusjdj). Im making this post today bc a) i honestly really miss this blog a lot and b) i wanna get back into rping again...really bad. Im just not really sure of what my brain is gonna do next and how capable of keeping up w replies im gonna be bc of that ;; so I dont wanna rush into smthn I cant dedicate to again yet nor like.....push myself back into RPing if im not ready yknow???

I have however had a couple thoughts abt Irons character recently, and esp after having so much time away from her, ive begun to realize that I might want to change quite a few big things about her???? After thinking abt it some ive come to realize that im not really sure that like....i want to keep her so much how she is now, which is still very coherent and humanlike with a few inhuman traits here and there, so just super fucking depressed and angry and grieving all of the time, etc. For one, I honestly had more of the intention when I first made Iron to make her wayyyy more feral than I have been depicting her in my RPs, and as well, idk if its just a moodswing or something or other but I have found myself growing very weary of iron's horrible neuroses and constant sadness; maybe ive just been through too much recently or its my mental health but Im so sick of having this character just be literally so horribly fucked up and tragic and sad all the time yknow??? Like im just...im weary lmao i dont seem to have the perserverance anymore to have that be her set character bc like its starting to hurt me too at this point and im sick of it, and so what Ive been thinking about in specific is that I think I would like to make some kind of marginal changes to her character. I always ended up forgetting to make iron more feral and animalistic most of the time bc i myself am a...human LMAO and so thats the only life experience i know, obviously, and I think i was so afraid when I first made her to make her meaner or more monstrous bc she might not have really "fit in" well with everyone elses OCs and also I was afraid ppl just wouldn't wanna interact w her if she was Too Mean ahsjdnbdhdhsk but now at this point i think im ready to say fuck that to all of that bc Ive definitely learned now that yall will really interact w just about any character with any personality type or behavior or whatnot, and also, i think it would not only make iron more interesting but more fun for me to write if she was more of a....you know...Awful Gremlin LMFAO and life is short, OCs and RPing were made for fun too and i dont have Time to worry abt that stuff and end up having to sacrifice half of my preferred vision for this character in the process. So basically i think she would definitely still be pretty sad abt Papa 3 but she abolutely wouldnt be constantly haunted and tortured by it anymore, and I also think I want to remove that whole little tidbit abt her always being kind of violent post-ghoulification, even before 3 died. She would also act a lot less human on a regular basis, like i would have her still being perfectly capable of walking upright, talking, being neat and having critical/articulate thinking skills & emotions etc, however there would be a new quality to her of her primarily being, well, again: feral. Not speaking much, probably running around barefoot quite often and sometimes crawling/moving around on all fours, having that sort of primal timidness with whatever new things she experiences, putting things in her mouth off the ground that shouldnt be there, etc you know how it is. She would basically be like fucking Spongegar (Irongar if u will) most of the time LMAO but again she would still be perfectly capable of acting more "humanlike", and staying in line with that Iron Brand Personality(tm) she would absolutely pick and choose who she would decide to act more 'composed' around VS who she wouldnt and would also definitely purposefully act way More feral than she rly is around (to spite some of them im sure). She would probably be more prone to (gasp) Actually Smiling and being happy on a reg basis too, not just being this dark cloud of an awkward troubled depressing fuck tbh. Which fits in more with how im thinking I want to portray her now.

So thats all that, sorry this went on so long and i cant put it under a readmore bc im currently on mobile ahsjdjdjdndjd but like i hope i said what i needed to say well enough. I also wanna know yalls (esp my mutual RP partners!) Thoughts and Onions on the changes I might make to Irons character!!! Ty all, ily 💙💙💙)