#like it's technically not my responsibility but nobody else CAN do it (barring the one person who I know for sure WON'T do it-

[neganium]

love when I go back to reassess smth and wind up finding exactly what I want/need for a much more reasonable price. I'll still be far too depleted but at least I won't go completely bankrupt, lol.

[alltooreid]

I Think He Knows

Y/N has a huge crush on Spencer Reid, so huge she embarrasses herself every time she tries to talk to him. She is convinced he is aware to all her pathetic attempts at flirting and just chooses to ignore it, but turns out Spencer may be a little more clueless than she thought.

A/N: Hope yall enjoy this cute fluffy fic! I’ve been having a rough couple of days so writing a fun fluff like this was really comforting :) yes it is inspired by the t swift song, but you don’t need to know the song to read and enjoy! also my requests are open so let me know what you want to see! (also sorry if this is kind of short, but i’ve been super busy and wanted to put something out :)))

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Type: a cute pining fluff fic

Word Count: 2.3K

Content Warnings: mentions of alcohol, otherwise none.

“He got that boyish look that I like in a man I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans It's like I'm seventeen, nobody understands No one understands”

“He has to know Penelope, I’m not exactly subtle.”

You and Penelope spent the majority of your lunch breaks in her office, discussing anything and everything. Recently however, the point of contention had been a certain young genius. One who you had a huge crush on.

“Spencer Reid may be a genius, and one of the best profilers I have ever seen but he most certainly does not know,” she said, as she drizzled more dressing on her salad.

“He has to, it feels like everyone knows. . . Do you think everyone knows?”

She shrugged, “They might, I know my Chocolate Thunder hasn’t picked up on it yet.”

“You haven’t told him? It’s already been a week since I’ve told you! How did you keep it a secret for so long?”

“You asked me very nicely not to tell anyone! Plus this one seems really important to you. I don’t want to go around telling people and for Reid to hear it in office gossip.”

You smiled, “Well you Penelope Garcia are the best, best friend ever.”

“You know it, now I know you desperately want to repay me for my services, and you can by giving me those exact ranch packets you have in your bag,” she said.

“They’re all yours, now let’s discuss something other than my pathetic schoolgirl crush. Like how stupid Kevin’s sweater was today.”

“Kevin? The other internal affairs technical analyst? Yeah what the heck was he wearing?”

“You know, I’m tired of having to carry the weight of the brains, looks and fashion sense out of the two of us,” you said. “Though, that is a good way to gather attention . . . I wonder if Spencer would actually hold a conversation with me if I wore something as ugly as that.”

She laughed, “You know I think that might send you backwards.”

You stabbed your lettuce, “At this point I’ll try anything.”

Before Penelope could respond, someone interrupted your lunch, your only other friend on the BAU team, Emily Prentiss.

“Oh hi Y/N! How are you!”

“I’m good Emily, what kind of gross things are you here to deliver today?” you and Emily joined the FBI at around the same time, and found comfort in the fact that you were both total try-hards. Emily was going to eat lunch with you and your fast friend Penelope, at least on days when she was in the office for lunch, but you and her both agreed that she should eat lunch with the team so that they can get used to having her around.

“Just some paperwork, no cases yet, knock on wood. Also I just wanted to say hello! What are you guys eating?” she asked, pulling up a chair.

“Some salads from that takeout veggie place PG is always talking about. I told you I was going vegetarian right?” “You did not! That’s great Y/N! We need to talk more, like we used to when we first started here,” she sighed, then perked up, “We should have girls night! Remember how fun it was that night at the bar? With Brad the real FBI agent?”

“Yes! We should! You know, Gideon’s replacement comes tomorrow, we should celebrate!” Garcia said.

“You know, I don’t know if the best way to celebrate a new agent is by drinking without them, but I’m down. We’ll toast our girls night to agent Rossi. Someone ask JJ if she’s busy.”

JJ was not busy, but when you and Emily asked, Morgan overheard.

“So am I not invited to the party?”

“Well it was supposed to be girls night . . . but I think PG would throw a fit if I turned down her 2nd favorite person in this building, so I guess you can come,” you teased. “You should come too Spencer!”

“I don’t know, that’s not really my thing . . “

“Oh come on! I know I would love to see you there,” you then realized that you were embarrassing yourself being so forward. “And I’m sure everyone else would too!”

“Alright, I’ll come, but I’m not drinking.” he said firmly. 

Before you could respond, Penelope magically appeared. “Good, you can be completely sober when Y/N gets wasted and embarrasses herself,” she said.

“PENELOPE! I’m not the light weight here! you’ll see Spencer, she’s actually awful. Two shots in and she’ll be on the floor,” this was apparently the wrong thing to say, because Spencer grimaced. “But it’ll be so much fun! You have to be there! You already said yes!”

“I just don’t know if seeing all of my coworkers get drunk while I watch is my idea of a fun evening. . .”

“Trust me! I’ll even stay sober with you, so we can judge them together. It’ll be a blast.”

“Ok, I’ll be there . . . but for now I need more coffee,” he pulled his chair out and walked towards the office kitchen. You silently cheered, forgetting how people were still standing around you.

“Well,” you awkwardly laughed, “um, I guess I better be getting back to my neck of the woods. I’m not a hot shot profiler like the rest of you guys . . . so see you all later!” You tried to escape before anyone interrogated you about your conversation with Spencer. However, a certain profiler followed quickly behind you. 

“So. . . you and pretty boy huh?”

“Shut it Morgan.”

{⋅. ♪ .⋅}

You stayed true to your word that night, Spencer stuck to water and you enjoyed a diet soda. The bartender, who you had grown fairly used to seeing on your many nights out, was shocked to hear you didn’t want any alcohol in it. 

It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t drink, you already embarrassed yourself enough in front of Spencer fully sober.

“So Spencer, you know that new bookstore you said you were going to go to after work a couple weeks ago?”

“New bookstore . . .? Oh yeah! What about it?”

“Well after I heard you talking about it I decided to check it out . . . It’s really nice there! I go like every other night now! We should totally go together sometime.” Luckily, you were sober enough to keep a secret: the fact you were only going so much in the hopes of running into him.

“Oh really? If I’m being honest I wasn’t super impressed with their selection, it was mostly contemporary fiction. And all in English . . . Not really my thing,” when he saw the way your face dropped he quickly changed his tone, “but it’s great if that’s your thing!”

This. Is. Humiliating. The amount of times you had gone and bought books from the bookstore, you were there almost every night hoping to run into him after work and start a conversation. You felt stupid, of course he wouldn’t want to go on a book store date with you. If Spencer Reid didn’t like you so much that he wouldn’t even go to a bookstore with you, there’s no chance at a relationship.

“Oh haha, yeah you’re right it’s totally lame. . .”

“Didn’t you just say you went there all the time?”

“No! When did I say that? You must be drinking Dr. Reid,” you said, quickly hopping off your bar stool, and running towards Morgan and Garcia, not turning around to see how confused Spencer was, but only being able to imagine him as relieved. Relieved he didn’t have to make conversation with you anymore.

“I’m blowing this PG, he totally hates me.”

Morgan laughed, “Y/N, you’re acting silly, this isn’t high school, we aren’t seventeen, stop dancing around it and just go ask him out.”

“Morgan, he doesn’t want to go to a bookstore with me, no way he’s agreeing to a date.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, maybe he’s just not in the mood to go?”

“You go ask him then, 20 bucks he says yes.”

“You’re on Y/N/N.”

7 minutes later Morgan returned and without a word pulled a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet and deposited it into your hand. “Sorry, Y/N.”

Penelope then piped up, “I’m telling you Y/N, he just doesn’t know. That boy is clueless.”

You scoffed, “I think he knows Penelope. I’ve made it pretty clear.”

“Have you told him?”

You were thrown off, “Um, no but-”

“Well then you haven’t made it clear enough, have you sugar?”

You almost said something, but you couldn’t really think of a good rebuttal for the argument. So instead, you downed Penelope’s half dranken frozen margarita, and headed back over to Spencer.

“Hey!” he said as you made your way back over, “I was wondering where you went, after you left Derek came over and asked to go to that bookstore with me, isn’t that extraordinary. . .”

“Do you wanna go on a date with me?” you blurted out.

“What?”

You sighed, “I’ve had a crush on you since like, forever, and I keep planning all these ways to ask you subtly but it’s just not working so I’m asking now. Do you want to go on a date with me?”

“You like me? I didn’t know that . . .”

“You’re joking.”

“No, I’m not, I thought you were just being nice. You’re nice to everyone and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

You smirked, “Get your hopes up? Does that mean you’re obsessed with me too Dr. Reid?”

He laughed in response, “Yeah, you could definitely say that.”

You dug through your purse and pulled out your keys, “Ok, then let’s get out of here.”

He paled, “And do what?”

“We’re going on our first date.”

He smiled, and you both got up off your bar stools and headed out the door, ignoring Morgan’s snide remarks as you passed. 

{⋅. ♪ .⋅}

You couldn’t help but smile as you drove. Every couple of seconds you couldn’t help but look over at Spencer, getting lost in his brownish hazel eyes, which looked indigo in the night. He would smile, the kind of smile people write silly little romance songs about and spend verses to describe, and tell you to pay attention to the road before you run off of it. You would laugh, tell him to calm down. Although originally you had an idea of where you were going, now you just wanted to drive in circles, to bask in this memory. 

“So where are we going?” he asked.

“Think about it Doctor Reid . . .” you replied, teasing him in the way you’ve imagined since you met him. 

You pulled up to that little bookstore on 16th avenue, the one you couldn’t stop going to out of the sheer chance Spencer might be there, the one that was obviously closed this late at night, but was too perfect not to spend your first date at. 

“Although this is beautifully symbolic, it’s almost 2 in the morning, this place closes at 8. We’re 5 hours, 49 minutes and 17 seconds late.”

You smiled and pulled out your ring of keys, “You know, when I spent hours a night hanging around here after work, hoping that you would happen to come shop for books and see me here too, the woman who owns this store got pretty curious. So I told her why I was here, and after she got done laughing at me she offered me a key, so that if I ever had the guts to ask you out, I could take you here no matter what.” You turned the key and swung the door open, gesturing him inside and locking the door behind you, “but we have to keep the lights off, so no one comes by and tries to get in.”

You and Spencer sit in the non-fiction section, and enjoy the silence for a few seconds before you have an idea, “Read me something Reid.”

He reached up, pulling a book off of the shelf without looking, “Are you sure, A Brief History of 1491: Life in America Before Columbus, is first date material?”

“Although that book is anything but brief, anything you read to me will sound stunning coming from your pretty mouth.”

So he begins to read, attempting to slow down to a reasonable pace but still going abnormally fast. You didn’t care though, more than you listened to the history of the late fifteenth century you watched Spencer’s hands. They’re really nice hands.

His right followed the words as he read aloud and his left helped hold the book. He wiggled the fingers on his left hand unconsciously as he spoke, getting into the words of the book. 

After about 25 pages he glanced over at you, and you could almost hear the gears turning in his head. After a second he went back to the page, and continued reading. You didn’t think anything of it until a couple minutes later, when his hand made its way to your left thigh.

He held it and you leaned into him, and you both stayed like that until you fell asleep hours later, with his head resting on top of yours. 

At 8:30 Mrs. Betts, the owner of the bookstore, found you and Spencer, arms around each other, the book thrown aside. She smiled, glad to know you had taken her up on her offer. She went to go wake you up but glanced at her watch. She didn’t have to officially open until 10. 

She could definitely spare a couple of minutes. 

“I want you, bless my soul I ain't gotta tell him I think he knows”

- Thank you for reading! Please reblog and let me know what you think :))

ATR’s tiny taglist: @reidingmelodies​

[dontcallmecarrie]

Replying to the commenters of this post [heads up for angst]:

To @kine-iende, who said:​

hot damn. if "our" justin was a mom-friend in their home-universe, here people would start questioning if justin was in secret a very motherly scrull or something (and be fine with it ^^). but yeah, love the trope too. was it "for the want of a nail" or "through a mirrorm darkly"? well, contrast and a what could have been would be lovely. feel enabled, whenever you want to write this :)

.

I am not very familiar with the concept of Skrulls [...iirc, that’s something introduced in Captain Marvel, which I have yet to get around to], but yeah, that tracks. Assuming it’s a thing they know to look for, though, because here Justin’s being themself is the biggest and most obvious way to establish that they are not canon!Justin.

Sure, they’re identical physically, but the moment either Justin opens his mouth, the jig’s up. 

As is, not five minutes into this strange hellscape where their oldest rival looked at them with no small amount of disdain in his eyes at first, Justin had already managed to charm their way out of holding and into a very relaxed “we’ll keep an eye on him” Avengers custody. 

Well, on paper at least— in reality, most of the team doesn’t really give a damn one way or another, whereas Tony starts out morbidly curious as to just how different NHDD!Justin is to the one he’s used to dealing with, and ends up getting a concentrated dose of All The Feels™ because the moment NHDD!Justin realized this Tony had a metric buttload of undiagnosed-and-constantly-belittled mental health issues and a support system that was equal parts duct tape and caffeine, he went “oh, so this universe is the Hell Timeline, okay, makes sense :) :) :) dammit Ivan you’d better fix this stat”. 

In retrospect, Justin’s not sure when exactly the horror show started; if it was the absolute lack of concern or care the Avengers had for their Tony, or the minute they noticed the gauntness in his face. Maybe the tension between Iron Man and Captain America, or the obvious bravado this Tony used– and the fact that none of the others so much as noticed.

All Justin knows is, a version of someone they care about is hurting, hurting badly and has been for a long time now, and that’s more than enough for them to go “oh, okay, mine now”.

.

For his part, Tony has no idea what the hell’s going on. The non-annoying Justin Hammer who crash-landed an Avengers debrief is...something else, and he’s torn between shock, pleasant surprise, and no small amount of existential angst and jealousy because in the span of a few hours, Tony’s had a brief taste of what some other version of him had for a lifetime, and...

Tony’s not sure how he feels about it. He’s a genius, he can wrap his head around string theory and all that good stuff, but numbers are one thing, having to live with the fact that somewhere out there, a version of him grew up with someone so unfailingly kind and supportive and—Tony can’t think of a better word for it than nurturing— and, in the span of seconds, had been able to call him out on his bullshit and seemed to instinctively push him to be better but not in the demanding way his father or the rest of the world had—

If he thinks about it too long, it makes him want to cry, just a little. Somewhere out there was a Tony who’d been enough for someone, who had never been asked to change himself, who’d been pushed up instead of repeatedly torn down and he didn’t know how to deal. 

He’d thought having a non-annoying Justin around would be funny.

This was not, it was goddamn distressing is what it was, because Tony hadn’t even known it was a possibility but now he is acutely aware of the fact that he got stuck with his Justin— the human embodiment of one of those yappy dogs who nipped at people’s heels thinking they were so tough, despite not being able to back it up.

This Justin was, uh, not that. Tony wasn’t sure if he was always like this, or if it was only with him because he shared a face with someone Justin cared about, but... was he always this much of a mom friend? And where’d that granola bar even come from, anyway? Not that he minded, it was a nice change of pace, but really?

...Tony was really going to miss him, once they figured out a way to send him back home.

.

To the commenter who said:

Stephanie isn’t a canon character, is she? Because if not, NHDD!Justin might be able to pull off a “the birth of my little sister awakened my previously deeply buried parental instincts” to explain his whole… [gestures uselessly].

.

Technically, she could be, in that Justin Hammer has a sister and nephew in canon [according to the wiki and a deleted scene, apparently]. I chose to make her a younger sibling in NHDD, to really emphasize the ‘reincarnated with shitty memory’ aspect of this AU. Specifically, while it’s never specified, Justin’s past life was...not great, and part of it was the fact that their younger sibling was sick. 

With what, they don’t remember anymore, but sick enough that they know health isn’t something to take for granted; sick enough that towards the end, they remember their parents had to choose between paying hospital bills and electricity, remember going to bed hungry because meds were expensive and their next paycheck wasn’t until Friday.

...suffice it is to say, there’s a reason Justin’s so protective of those he cares about, even if his memories faded a bit on the specifics as time went by.

To be fair, canon!Justin also cares for his sister and nephew; it’s just that NHDD!Justin acted more like a third parent than a sibling, once Stephanie was born. 

Bear in mind that canon!Justin’s situation is very different than NHDD!Justin’s, because canon!Justin was basically set up to fail from the start as a normal kid who was constantly compared to a child prodigy two years younger than him and terrible parents. While NHDD!Justin’s situation is similar on the surface, the difference is they’re literally a reincarnated OC, with all the baggage that entails.

Maybe, if their second life hadn’t been surrounded by adults with A+ Parenting Skills, 0/10 Do Not Recommend, their issues and traumas from last time wouldn’t have been exacerbated. If they’d been born to a regular family, Justin would’ve been a good kid but nothing special, and their memories of a past life would’ve faded away by the time they hit puberty.

But instead, they were born to the Hammer family, and proceeded to be put through the wringer. 

Which is bad enough, and meant they immediately started leaning hard on everything from their past life because these people wouldn’t know good parenting if it bit them on the nose, but...then Justin’s little sister was born, which immediately kick-started every older sibling instinct they’d ever had because last time they’d been responsible for their younger sibling’s health and safety and you can probably see where this is going. 

aka yes, some of Justin’s behaviors could arguably be called trauma responses and/or coping mechanisms and it’s something I only realized as I was writing this, and no, this AU was not supposed to be this messed up

Justin’s responsibility, their willingness to deal with shitty parents and do tremendous amounts of emotional labor if it helped anyone they took under their wing? That’s no accident, that’s what happens when a soul has to be the adult, has to step up because nobody else is going to. There’s a reason Justin has so much disdain for Hank Pym and Howard Stark’s immaturity, why they have so little patience for their parents as time goes on; their mental age means the older they get, the more they’re looking at the adults around them and judging them hard.

...ahem. Sorry for getting a bit off-topic, but hey, at least now you know a bit more about what’s going on inside Justin’s head!

And yeah, if he had to bs an explanation for why he’s such a mom friend, Justin’d be more than happy to point to his little sister as an excuse. So long as they know she exists, anyway; if not, he’ll just laugh it off and try to chalk it up to one of the differences between their universes.

.

edit to remove the stuff that got through my nonexistent brain-to-mouth filter because I was averaging a not-optimal amount of sleep as I got used to my new job

[lassieposting]

I'm mad at myself for asking this but 💘 skug/alt!Serpine

WHEEZES

U CONVERTED

send me 💘 + A SHIP and i’ll tell you—

where they first met and how

KOTW.

Then, after Skug refuses to kill Serpine at the end of SOW, China spitefully makes him responsible for Serpine's behaviour while he's living in Roarhaven. "Parole officer" isn't part of Skug's job description but honestly he doesn't trust anyone else to make sure Serpine doesn't slip the leash, so

how long their ‘flirting’ phase was before feelings got involved

I mean, Serpine literally gets his dick out in their very first scene together, and he throws his towel over Val's head so it clearly wasn't for her benefit.

My headcanon is that he did have the hots for his own dimension's Skulduggery before he died. But Serpine has a very warped experience of emotions - he's not insane, and he's not a complete psychopath, but he has very low empathy, an obsessive personality, a considerable sadistic streak and a tendency to be jealous, narcissistic and manipulative. So his crush on Skug was more like an unhealthy fixation - hatred and lust and humiliation and the need to control, all tangled together.

On Skug's side...he has a few lines that read as flirty, in a D/S kind of way. But honestly I don't think this was deliberate. I get the impression he's actually imitating how Serpine spoke to him when he was the prisoner. Serpine's entire arc in SOW can be condensed down to "microdosing on what he put Skug through before killing him". He's surrounded by enemies who want him dead, he loses a body part, he's beaten up, he's humiliated, he's cut off from his magic - and he hates it. I get the vibe that this isn't lost on Skug, and he's repeating things Serpine once mockingly said to him just to rub it in.

who fell for who first ( if applicable )

Serpine.

I have him converting to the Church of the Faceless as a teenager, so he's spent his entire adult life surrounded by other selfish, scheming social climbers who'd sell him to Satan for a corn chip. His relationship history is chock full of psychopaths. He's used to betrayal and being used by his partners - such is life, as a bad guy.

So Skug protecting him during the Leibniz mission makes quite an impact. He even says himself that Skug has every reason to hate him and want to make him suffer - which is an attempt at empathy considerably deeper than anything we've seen from him before - but he's still shocked and devastated when Skug cuts his hand off. He genuinely expected Skug to decide to fight their way out rather than harm him. To me, that says he's come to rely on having Skug in his corner, which is a security net he is decidedly not used to having.

He doesn't necessarily express it very well? His feelings are complicated, and he doesn't understand most of them. A good part of him still hates Skug, just as a good part of Skug will always hate him. But his fixation on Skug shifts a bit - rather than obsessing over him as an enemy, he obsesses over him as an ally. He starts wanting Skug's approval and digging for praise, he gets sulky and jealous if Skug implies he doesn't trust him or goes to someone else for help or information instead, and he starts trying to insert himself into Skug's life.

Basically, he's gotten over that he spent the past 300 years as Skug's enemy, so Skug needs to be over it too. Right now. And it's unreasonable and unfair that he isn't over it.

where their first date was and what it was like

Skug is willing to acknowledge that if they were a couple, which they're not, because they're arch enemies, then maybe, if you really had to look at anything they do as "a date" then...perhaps the first time they went to the opera could in some way be considered their first date. But it wasn't. Because they're not together. He doesn't even like Serpine. Valkyrie just doesn't appreciate "yowling" and he had nobody else to go with because all his friends are dead.

Serpine will agree with this - but only because he knows that announcing that he lowkey considers their three day torture extravaganza to be their first date would go down like a lead balloon.

who asks who out and how ( with a sign? spelled out on a cake? just a simple ‘will you go out with me’? )

They never have a "going steady" discussion. It's just

if they keep / kept their relationship secret or let everyone know right away

They're adamant that there's nothing to let anyone know about. They spend a lot of time together, and sometimes Serpine helps with cases, and they angry fuck sometimes, and Skug keeps a few shirts and a toothbrush at Serpine's apartment, but they're not a couple.

who’s more dominant

Skug. Serpine will die mad about it. He complains constantly about how much he gets manhandled during the Leibniz mission, how undignified it is to be cut off from his magic, how everyone tells him to shut up every time he tries to join in a conversation, he hates you all, remember that time he killed people you all cared about?

Unfortunately, Serpine is a massively subby bottom, so dom!Skug makes him deeply horny and even more angry about it. He's the epitome of "Stop looking at my fucking boner when we fight."

where their first kiss was and what it was like

It's New Year's. Serpine is out at a bar with some of his student neighbours because, why not. Skug is at the same bar, questioning the staff about a grizzly murder. The usual. Serpine goes over to say hello and make fun of him for Always Working and tell him he should chill out on occasion because isn't it your fucking birthday and you're still at work??? They're still talking when the countdown finishes and everyone around them starts kissing, which is a completely new concept to Serpine because that tradition wasn't part of the Leibniz dimension's New Year's festivities, so he just sort of panics because everyone else is doing it, grabs Skug by the front of his coat and goes for it.

Skug freezes, because who would know how to react when the man who killed you once tries to go to town on your fake face, and then gets his shit together and promptly arrests Serpine for assaulting a Sanctuary official, because he's petty and he can and Nef needs to learn some fucking boundaries.

They end up lowkey working on the case together through the bars of the temporary holding cell, and although neither of them would admit it, they actually have a good time. At the end of the night Skug relents, lets him out for "good behaviour" and gives him a lift home.

how into pda they are

Serpine is hugely into PDA. He likes a possessive, jealous partner, he's got a bit of an exhibitionistic streak, and ultimately he wants to be wanted enough to be fought over.

Unfortunately for him, Skug is not a PDA fan in the slightest. Serpine finds this bitterly disappointing.

where their usual ‘date spot’ is ( if applicable )

A Roarhaven restaurant with a live jazz band. Serpine likes the food, Skug likes the music, and it's public - so neither of them feels wrongfooted and vulnerable in the other one's territory. Although, as Serpine likes to point out, it would be a bit difficult to torture and dismember a man in his student accommodation apartment. If he can hear Maddie-across-the-hall having muffled sex with her latest beau from the far side of his flat , he's pretty sure the entire building would hear Skug fighting his way out of whatever diabolical trap he seems to think has been set for him every time he comes over.

who’s more protective

Skug is more obviously protective - he protects Serpine almost the entire time in Leibniz, rows with China in defence of his freedom, and (however reluctantly) steps up to help him settle in Roarhaven. But Serpine is territorial, and he can be surprisingly proactive about it. If Skug comes home injured, he can always tell - no matter how much he tries to hide it - because he's seen Skug at his very worst, he knows what 'trying to mask pain' looks like in the set of that jaw and the grit in that voice. He doesn't like anyone else playing with his toys, so sometimes he'll get very angry and lash out at whoever damaged Skug in the first place.

(He also tends to hover at the clinic like a particularly irritating bad smell. He insists it's because he just finds Skug's pain amusing. He's not concerned. Not in the slightest. He doesn't care at all. No, he will not go home.)

how long it is before they sleep together ( can be as in ‘had sex’ or as in ‘shared a bed’ )

They first hook up a few months after returning from Leibniz, but it's a half-dressed up-against-a-wall sort of thing and neither of them sticks around for pillow talk. They don't actually share a bed - as in, fall asleep together - until at least a year later. Technically, the first time they fall asleep together, they're on a stakeout and Serpine dozes off on Skug's shoulder, then wakes up with a cricked neck.

if they argue about anything

Literally everything, 90% of their interactions are arguing. Bickering and snark is the only way they know how to communicate.

who leaves more marks ( lipstick, hickeys, scratchmarks etc. )

Serpine loves leaving marks and doesn't mind getting them, either. He's territorial and has an exhibitionist streak, so he likes everyone knowing who he belongs to, and he's deeply thirsty over the idea of everyone knowing Skug belongs to him.

Unfortunately, Skug is not easy to leave marks on. Any hickies he gives the facade will disappear as soon as Skug turns it off. Some of his scars still show, though - the ones that scored his bones - so at least there's that.

who steals whose clothes and how often

They're not too different in size, so they could probably both get away with it, but everything Skug owns was tailored for him and Nef is narrower in the shoulders, so Skug's shirts don't look quite right on him. That doesn't stop him borrowing a couple to wear around the house, though. He has no stored wealth in this dimension, so he's wearing off the rack until he can get his feet under him again, and Skug's shirts are all obnoxiously fine fabric. It would be silly not to steal a few.

how they cuddle ( spooning? facing each other? )

They're not that cuddly. They do have occasional moments of softness, but it's more likely to be, like. A shoulder bump. Fixing each other's shirt collar. Tending an injury with a minimum of mockery. They do a fair bit of this when no one's watching, though.

what their favourite nonsexual activity is

Bickering.

They also both like working cases. The Sanctuary won't officially hire Serpine because he is who he is, but when Skug hits a dead end in a case or has something that's really frustrating him, they'll go over it together. 400 years of enmity aside, their minds work in similar ways, and they're both very good at that sort of thing - if they hadn't met on opposite sides of the battlefield, they probably would have gotten along very well.

how long they stay mad at each other

They've never actually not been mad at each other. They're just all each other has left because all their friends are dead.

what their usual coffee / tea orders are

Initially, both black - maximum stimulants for Skug, maximum edginess for Serpine. But then he discovers Starbucks, and all the fancy things mortals are doing with coffee these days, and starts branching out into what Skug calls "frilly froufrou nonsense". After that his drinks are like 95% sugar and syrup.

if they ever split up and / or get back together

They never officially split up. This is mostly because neither of them will admit being together in the first place. They absolutely go through phases of being far more enemies than fuckbuddies, and they know how to push each other's buttons and hurt each other like no one else. This ship is comedic and incredibly toxic in turns.

what their shared living space is like ( messy? clean? what kind of decor? )

They don't live together. Serpine has no idea where Skug lives, and Skug wants to keep it that way. Serpine's flat is technically student accommodation - he just needed somewhere the landlord was too young to remember him from the war - so when Skug crashes there it's usually cramped and noisy and there's a revolving door of neighbours knocking on to ask to borrow some milk/loo roll/"hey, you're old, help me with my history thesis?"/"Are you coming out tonight?"

All Serpine's neighbours think he's a sex worker - to them, he seems to have a different well-dressed sugar daddy staying over every week. They keep trying to set him up an OnlyFans. Skug finds all this very amusing.

what their first christmas / hanukkah / etc as a couple was like

Christmas was banned in Leibniz (as a religious holiday of a banned religion) so Nef hasn't celebrated since he converted in his teens, but he gets into it, because it's an excuse for a party and nobody is policing him. Skug is his usual grinchy grouchy self. Nef also celebrates several holidays that Skug isn't familiar with that were commonplace in Leibniz, but are only observed by strict Faceless worshippers in Roarhaven.

what their names are in each other’s phones

Skug is an old man about his contacts, so Nef is just "Nefarian Serpine".

Serpine, on the other hand, has recently discovered emojis, so Skug is "💀🍆".

who falls asleep first and who wakes up first

Who falls asleep first varies; Serpine is a night owl and likes to go to bed in the early hours of the morning, but Skug has some really fucked up working hours, so a lot of the time he's awake long after even the night owls have gone to bed. But it's always Skug who wakes up first - Serpine is Absolutely Not a morning person. He fits right in with the students in his building who have to be coaxed from under the quilt by the smell of frying bacon.

Skug, because he enjoys the odd opportunity to be an asshole, will sometimes wake him with a cup of coffee, and sometimes by holding a flame up to the fire alarm. Variety is the spice of life, Nefarian, didn't anyone ever tell you that?

who’s the big spoon / little spoon

Cuddling is fairly new to Serpine. He's always enjoyed sex, but he has a solid tendency to jump into bed with the enemy - as shown by his laundry list of Resistance conquests - so he's never really gone for relationships where cuddling is a thing. He's more into the "forbidden passion" sort of dynamic.

Skug is a cuddler, but not so much in this particular relationship, for obvious and understandable reasons. Serpine does figure out though that he can burrow under Skug's arm while he's half-asleep or in a postcoital fugue state and Skug will just sort of let him, so he's probably the little spoon.

who hogs the bathroom

Both of them.

Serpine lives in a tiny one bed flat in a student building. His bathroom is miniscule. And when Skug stays over, they're both crammed in there first thing, Serpine trying to shave and do his hair and Skug elbowing him out of the way to cycle through facades until he finds one that's handsome enough to leave the house in. They bicker horrendously the entire time. It's a logistical nightmare.

who kills the spiders / takes them outside

Nef kills them. Not because he knows Skug's not a fan, but because he's not allowed to torment humans anymore, so. Last time he checked, killing spiders wasn't an arrestable offence, Skulduggery, stop looking at him like that.

[smallraindrops-blog]

A Road To Somewhere.

For prompt: road trip

Hypnos/male!reader

Thanatos/Zagreus/Meg in the background.

5.7k total, link to part two at the end.

Warnings: some sexual stuff are talked about but the most that happens is kissing and cuddling. Jokes about cannibalism as well. Alcohol uses. No beta.

Summary: Why talk about your feelings with your childhood best friend when you can just go on a road trip?

A/N: sorry for going silent, I was dealing with some medical issues on top of helping my partner with stuff.

To the Anon who requested this, I'm sorry about the wait, I hope you like this and feel free to always hit me for another request!

At three in the morning, your phone rang. 

You groaned as you rolled across your bed. and you squinted at the brightness of your phone. 

Hypnos' photo flashed on the screen, the one where he stole your letterman jacket to nap in on the school bus that Zagreus had sent it to you. And if you kept the photo five years after high school, well that is your business and nobody else's.

You hesitated, not sure you want to talk to him right now. After that night, the only thing you and Hypnos traded was polite, almost cold texts. not your usual meme or lazy chatting about whatever. But something about the picture of Hypnos' sleeping face pushed you to respond. 

You swiped the green button.

"You are coming with me." Hypnos said, or rather slurred.

You covered your face,"Hypnos, dude. Are you drunk right now?"

"You- you said you have never seen the ocean right?" Hypnos asked, ignoring your question.

"Where are you? I am coming to get you." You turned on your lamp, looking for a pair of jeans to wear.

"No- no." Hypnos said firmly and very drunkenly. "Y/N, dude. I'm fine. I'm at my shitty apartment." Hypnos paused, "You know, the one where my brother hooked up with Meg. And Zagreus. At the same time. Which is really effing weird for me."

"I - Hypnos-" you tried to think of what to say. The said incident happened over a little month ago and Hypnos had the misfortune of walking in at the wrong time. Which of course because Hypnos got his heart broken by Meg lead up to Hypnos trying to hook up with you to get over her.

"Look, you always said you wanted to see the ocean right?" Hypnos yawned, which you took as a good sign. Hopefully it means your dumb best friend will pass out soon and not ruin his liver for rest of the day.

"Yeah, what of it?" You asked, frustrated at Hypnos for doing this to himself and to you.

"Road trip!" Hypnos dragged out the words with a laugh. "I will be picking you up tomorrow. Love you bestie."

"Hypnos wait no, we can't just leave." You said. You waited for a response, "Hypnos?" You asked worriedly.

A snore came through the phone and you sighed. You turned off the lamp and laid back down, listening to Hypnos' deep breathing.

You stared at the ceiling, and tried not to think about the last time Hypnos got this drunk. Or about that night or how Hypnos acted like nothing happened the next day.

You rolled over to face your phone and closed your eyes.

You will just stay on the line in case Hypnos wakes up.

💤

"You can't be serious, Hypnos." You said as he went through your clothes, uncaring of any boundaries you may have.

But honestly with Hypnos, you had long lost any boundaries. You knew you should actually try to enforce some but you craved just being near him.

"I am! I need to get away for a bit and you told me you were taking a week off right? And it starts today or last night technically." Hypnos held up a lime green shirt and made a face at it.

"Yes for a staycation, I don't have extra money for a motel or anything like that." You replied, and took the shirt away to place it back on its hanger.

"It's my treat, Y/N." Hypnos leaned on you, his head on your shoulder. You tried not to notice how warm he was against you or his big golden puppy dog eyes. "Come on, a free trip away with your best friend aka me aka the best thing ever with your favorite person ever-" Hypnos rambled.

"Fine, only because you said you will pay for everything." You sighed, You hated how hard it was to say no to him.

Hypnos cheered and pulled you into a bear hug. You savored the warmth despite not wanting to.

You just needed a vacation too. To clear your head. And who knows, you and Hypnos could finally get back to being normal.

💤

Hypnos was in the driver's seat as you closed the truck and joined him in the car. A pen dangled from his teeth as his golden eyes flicked across the map. He glanced at you as you strapped in.

"It will be a two days drive if we only stop when we need to. That gives us three days at the beach or wherever else we end up doing." Hypnos took the pen out and marked a couple spots on the map.

"Couldn't we just use our phone GPS?" You asked.

"Nope, the place I'm taking you isn't a normal public beach and we have to drive through some mountains and mountains always win over gps." Hypnos pointed the pen at you. "Always." He said in a mock doom voice.

You rolled your eyes, and with a finger pushed the pen out your face. "Alright but if we get lost in the mountains. I call first dibs on eating you."

"Ha, jokes on you, bestie. I got almost no tender fat on me. So enjoy gnawing on my worthless bones." Hypnos crackled as he started the car. He tossed the map in your lab and peeled out of the driveway.

His deft fingers quickly found some music as Tom Petty sang through the radio.

Hypnos sang along badly. You covered up your smile, it feel good just near him again even if you didn't want to admit it.

Within minutes, Hypnos had weaved into the midmorning traffic. But even with the traffic, you already feel a little lighter.

💤

The first day of the drive went surprisingly well, even with traffic for the first hour. The skies were a vivid blue with fat, lazy clouds that casted shadows across the land.

Hypnos had the windows rolled down, one arm out of the window and music blasting. His shades should have made him look like a frat boy but you actually liked how they looked with his messy white curls and dark red shirt.

You kept your mouth shut and just watched the landscape change from suburbia to the fields dotted with cows and horses.

It was the most peace you had felt in a long while even with the elephant in between you and Hypnos.

It wasn't until twilight had followed you to the motel that the problems started.

"Is that a permanently closed sign?" Hypnos asked flatly, his shades resting on his head.

You nodded, "I had a feeling the trip started a little too well."

You and Hypnos both stared at the sign, the red and white words mocked you.

"I knew google was lying to me." Hypnos murmured.

"We can just sleep in the car, Hypnos." You followed him as he turned back. "We probably shouldn't drive anymore tonight."

Hypnos shook his head, "Nope, we would get murder so fast." He snapped his fingers to make his point. He threw an arm around your shoulders and guided you back to the car. "Come on, I bet there's another place just up ahead."

"And if there is not?" You asked, noticing how easily you fit next to him.

"There will be." Hypnos said confidently.

At your doubtful look, he said cheerfully,

"Or we could just get murder in a much nicer area."

💤

It was almost an hour before you saw the faint vacancy light just peeking behind the trees.

You gasped, "There! Do you see it?"

"Yeah, I see it." Hypnos replied, perking up. The rundown motel looked like someone's idea of what an old western inn looked like without actually never seeing one before.

But after driving for an extra hour and half, it looked like heaven.

Hypnos pulled up in the first empty spot he found which was plenty of.

"Stay here, keep an eye on the car. Don't get murdered." Hypnos said as he locked the car up. He only looked back once as he entered the building.

You slumped in your seat, exhaustion overtaken you. Your phone buzzed in your hand, Zagreus's name popped up.

'Is Hypnos with you??'

You stared down at the text, why is Zagreus asking you?

'Yeah, why?' you replied.

Immediately, Zagreus responded.

'He hasn't responded to any of our texts or calls.'

In a separate text, 'Is he okay? I knew my talk with him was rough but I didn't expect this. '

You bit your lip, just realizing that you haven't heard Hypnos' phone go off all day. Normally, Hypnos' phone was glued in his hand and he was always constantly texting or playing a game.

You looked up, making sure Hypnos was still in the building.

You replied, 'I think he just needs a break. I will let you know if anything happens but maybe just give him some breathing room. Also what talk?'

Three dots appeared and disappeared a few times before Zagreus' response came.

'No, I know. We just wanted to make sure he wasn't alone. Thanks.'

You rubbed your face, unsure what to make of the texts and that Hypnos, a known phone addict, hasn't been on his phone all day. And that Zagreus didn't bother to tell you what 'talk' he had with Hypnos.

You looked back up and saw Hypnos walking back a grin on his face. When your eyes met his, he waved the roomcard and a plastic bag triumphantly.

You pushed your worries aside for now, Hypnos will talk to you when he is ready.

💤

"Uhh, dude. There is only one bed." You said blankly when Hypnos turned the lights on. All the room had was a single hotel bed and a little table with two chairs. The whole area looked like it never left the seventies.

"And a sofa." Hypnos pointed out as he flopped down on it. The sofa creaked loudly as if threatening to snap in half. "I can sleep on anything, remember?"

"If you are sure." You grabbed the plastic bag from the floor as you sat down on the bed.

You dumped the goods on the bed. There was a healthy mix of spicy ramen bowls, candy bars and cans of soda.

You picked out the one you knew Hypnos liked and set on making dinner.

The sofa kept creeking each time Hypnos twitched or even breath. Hypnos' eyes were close but there was a tension to his body that kept him looking truly relaxed.

You debated on telling him that Zagreus had reached out to you but the tight frown on his face kept you from saying anything.

The microwave gave a high pitch beep and you quickly pulled out the ramen and placed the hot bowl on the table. "Hey, Hypnos. Soup on." You told him as you got your bowl ready.

"Oh. Thanks. Wanna have a soda?" Hypnos asked.

You thanked him as you dug into your own dinner and honestly the cheap ramen was the best thing you tasted after not getting lunch during the drive.

Hypnos was unusually quiet during dinner and while getting ready for bed. You couldn't help noticing that Hypnos never once picked up his phone.

Hypnos yawned and sat on the sofa much more carefully yet the beast still creaked in warning.

You sighed, there was no way you or him would sleep with all that creaking.

"Hypnos, just come to bed. I think it's a queen so we got plenty of room." You told him as you got under the covers. You met his gaze, his eyes bright even with the dark circles under them.

"Okay." He agreed softly. He gave you a look that you ignored as he joined you. He turned off the lights. "Good night, Y/N."

You rolled on your side, back facing Hypnos. "Good night." You yawned widely, already halfway to sleep.

💤

You didn't quite wake up all the way, not at first. You blinked at the wall, small cracks in the blinds allowed for small rays of sunlight to break though. It made the motel room feel cozy even with the ugly decor.

There was an arm loosely wrapped around your shoulders and you sank into its hold with a sigh.

Your eyes closed before your brain realized that you could feel another body pressed against your back, legs tangled together.

You snapped awake, your body went rigid and you heard Hypnos grumbled against your nape.

You relaxed, letting out a breath when you remembered Hypnos was in bed with you. Hypnos, during sleepovers when you were children, always ended up clinging on to you.

It was almost nice, a return to a simpler time. Almost.

It was a very different experience when you both were adults. You flushed when Hypnos pressed a little harder against your body, a pleased, sleepy hum rumbled in his chest.

You could feel him pressed against your lower back and damnit, your traitor of a body was responding. You squeezed your eyes shut, flushed from shame and want.

Your mind flashed back to the last time you allowed Hypnos this close.

You could still remember how he pushed you into his dark bedroom and kissed you again and again. How it felt being under him on his bed. How you almost let him have more.

And you knew you wouldn't survive if Hypnos acted just like he did the morning after.

With the small strength you were able to find, you pulled out of his hold or rather you tried to.

His arm went tight and kept you in the bed, "Where are you going so early?" His sleep rough voice mumbled against your skin.

You ignored the goosebumps he caused and you sighed annoyed. "Come on, you're being a jerk. I need to go get ready for the trip."

"Hmm, we drove more than we planned. We still have some time." Hypnos murmured, clearly going back to sleep. You grabbed the blanket with your free arm and yanked it off the both of you.

Hypnos yelped at the sudden cold and let you go. You darted out the bed and grinned at the scowl Hypnos had. You tossed the blanket over his face and walked away. "Early birds get the worm Hypnos!" You called out as you headed to the bathroom.

You bit back a laugh at the loud groan Hypnos made.

💤

After a quick stop for coffee and pancakes with bacon which Hypnos immediately drowned in syrup much to your disgust of the sheer amount of sugar, you were back on the road.

After an hour of staring out the window at patches of woods between the farmlands, you turned to look at Hypnos.

"What is it about this place that made you pick it? I looked at the map, we could get to the ocean quicker if we went along the other route. " You thought for a moment, "And you know, not to have to drive past the mountains."

"Yeah, if you want to see what everyone else sees and deal with the crowds." Hypnos scoffed. He pulled his shades down a bit to look at you, his windblown curls bounced with the movement.

You prayed he didn't notice your blush.

"Also my mom told me about this place a million times. Trust me, it is going to be worth the wait." And with that, Hypnos focused back on driving.

You turned back to the open window, silently hating yourself for still being attracted to him.

"Hey- is that a cow?" Hypnos asked, already slowing down. You looked down the road and saw the animal. You couldn't help the laugh that came out. "Yeah it is."

The stray cow stared down at the car. It was apparently unconcerned about being hit as it chewed on the grass in its mouth.

Hypnos pressed down on the horn repeatedly and long. The cow kept chewing on its bit of grass, blinking slowly.

"Dumb cow. It knows what it is doing." Hypnos muttered.

You laughed again, "I think that is an oxymoron."

Hypnos scowled and waved his hands at the cow whose tongue had found its nose.

"Well, what bright ideas do you have, Y/N?"

You looked into the bag of snacks down by the footrest. And pulled out a bag of barbecue chips.

"I'm going to lure it out of the road, first chance you get, drive past."

Hypnos pulled his shade down, an eyebrow crocked.

You shook the bag at his doubtful look.

Hypnos' eyes narrowed, eyes sharp and calculating. "That won't work."

"Oh?" You raised a brow. "And why not?"

"Those are barbecue chips, I'm pretty sure even that dumb thing know that smell. And when it smells the barbecue, it will just run you over enraged about the chips."

You leaned toward him, "Wanna make a bet?"

He matched your lean, a bright glint in his eyes. "Sure. If I win, you have to agree to everything I say until we get to the hotel."

"Fine." You agreed. "And if I get the cow out of the way, you can only speak in moos until we get to the hotel."

"Deal." He leaned back into his seat. "Easiest win ever."

You scoffed at him as you got out. "Gee, thanks for believing in me."

You stared down the cow who merely blinked at you.

Hypnos poked his head out the window, laughing "Hey Y/N, when it's moving, start running!"

You shushed him and crinkled the bag at the cow. It took a wary step forward and you opened the bag and it took a sniff.

The cow immediately tried to bite the bag but you took several steps and it followed you. You couldn't stop your smirk at Hypnos' outraged face. "Good cow." You cooed. "Good cow."

You took several steps back into the tall grass and dumped the chips on the ground.

The moment the cow started eating the chips on the ground, you took off like a shot and almost fell into your seat. You barely had a chance to close the door before Hypnos drove off.

You pulled your seatbelt on and waited, a huge grin on your face.

When Hypnos refused to say anything or even look at you, you poked him in his cheek.

"Hypnos." You called his name in a sing-songy tone. "I won the bet. Hypnos. Hypnos." You poked him with each word. There was an evil, childish part of you enjoying this too much.

Hypnos batted your hand away. "Moo fucking moo." He replied sourly.

You playfully frowned, "I don't think cows can say fucking."

"Oh my god."

"They don't say that either."

Part Two

[janetbrown711]

Princess Angelina II was never fond of being told what to do.

Ever since she was a little girl, she loved being defiant. However, her parents were strict and had their ways of forcing her to do things anyway, so she adapted. If her parents wanted her to study? Fine, then she would read every book in the library and become far more intelligent than most of her teachers and would “smart ass” them constantly. Of course, her parents disapproved, but Angelina knew they technically couldn’t punish her this way, as she was doing what they asked after all. Still, she was aware that she was treading on thin ice, but she continued anyway, as it felt like the only thing keeping her sane. 

It was this mentality she carried with her during her least favorite activity of all: 

Meeting Suitors. 

The moment Angelina turned 16, her mother began arranging meeting after meeting with different princes and noblemen, all of which she hated. They were always so prideful and stuffy, they never had a sense of joy or humor in them. So, as was natural for her, she never refused to see them, but while they talked she’d always attack their pride and make sure they never wanted to see her again. She had hoped her actions would’ve given her a reputation as an “ineligible princess” but alas, rumors of her beauty and singing kept them coming. 

And so today Angelina found herself preparing yet again to meet with another boring suitor, this time a prince who was soon coming of age and was to rule the neighboring kingdom fo Ticktockia. Angelina spent several weeks reading up on the history of the country, as well as learning their customs, and knew she was ready by the time he arrived. 

“I don’t want you to play any funny games this time, Angelina. Ticktockia is a very important ally, and I don’t want you embarrassing my good name,” her mother, Queen Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca I, was quick to remind her right before the doors of the throne room were to open. Angelina wanted to roll her eyes, but didn’t have the energy or the time, as the doors were opened, and the prince entered. 

The prince of Ticktockia was a human, which she had expected. He was a particularly... interesting piece of work. He was growing a mustache, but he was very bad at it, and so it looked wispy and gross. his fashion sense was something else entirely, and he wore a giant clock on his chest, which Angelina recalled as the symbol of Ticktockia (as it was the meaning behind their name). 

“Hello,” He greeted her, but didn’t bow. Angelina rolled her eyes internally and curtsied. 

“Pleasure to meet you, sir,” She said. He only nodded in response. 

This was gonna be fun.

“Well, off you two go then,” Angelina the First waved the pair off, and Salazar held his arm out and Angelina took it, and they went off into the halls of the castle. 

“So... Prince... Salad bar is it?” Angelina asked. 

“Salazar,” He corrected, snappy. Angelina smirked. 

“Right, right, right, my apologies,” She said. “So... where are you from again?”

“Ticktockia, one of Warnerstock’s most important allies..? Surely you’ve heard of us,” He said, annoyed. 

“Not really, no,” She shrugged, removing her arm from his. 

“Oh please, we’ve made all of your clocks,” He pointed out. 

“Oh, those old things? They break every other week, we honestly should replace them all,” She lamented, internally pleased when she saw his anger rise and saw him desperately try to hide it. 

“Well then,” he huffed. “Perhaps I shouldn’t blame you, you are just a woman after all. I shouldn’t expect you to know the history of such an important country.” 

Oh he did not. 

“I can assure you Salazar, I know more of Ticktockia’s history than you do,” she warned. He smirked. 

“Sure you do,” He said. 

“Who was the 17th king?” She quizzed. Salazar paused to think. 

“King... Edmund?” He asked. Angelina shook her head. 

“King Raymond the Beloved. He helped create an era of peace in the land and helped create new trade routes for kingdoms all across the lands,” Angelina said. 

“Everyone knows King Raymond. I was simply... pretending not to know,” He so obviously lied. 

“Alright... who was the 20th king?” She asked. Salazar thought once more, stroking his gross wispy mustache. 

“Easy, King Walter,” He lifted his chin in the air. 

“Wrong. It’s your father, King Jonathan,” She said with a condescending smile. Salazar glared at her. 

“Well I never,” He huffed and crossed his arms. 

“Never what? Studied anything in your life? Because that’s something I’d believe. I mean, come on, who doesn’t know their own father?” She snorted. Salazar looked at her with disgust. 

“You are very unladylike,” He said. 

“It’s an art,” She replied.  

“Mhm,” He mumbled, continuing their walk through the castle once more. 

“So.. tell me... what about your kingdom do you know?” She asked. 

“We’re the number one supplier of clocks in the world,” He stated. 

“Right, but other kingdoms are coming up close behind, so I’d keep a close eye on that if I were you,” Angelina pointed out. 

“Ridiculous,” He scoffed. 

“Oh, but it really isn’t. Your methods are old and outdated and so people from the outside have worked on improving your old designs and they’re only becoming better and better,” Angelina said nonchalantly. Salazar’s eye twitched. 

“You know, this really isn’t the way you should talk to your betrothed,” He snarled. 

“Betrothed? What on earth makes you think we’re betrothed?” Angelina jumped in surprise. 

“I was invited here, no?” He eyed her up and down. “I was promised a bride, and seeing as you’re the prettiest one around and I was invited, we’re betrothed,” he said, placing a hand on her waist, to which she then jumped back and away. 

“Hate to break it to you, dimwit, but that’s not how this works.” She outright glared at him. 

“Oh please, there’s no sense in fighting it,” He rolled his eyes. “I want you, and so you’re going to be mine. Nobody says no to me.”

“Oh I’m sure they do, you probably just ignore it or are too much of a moron to see it,” She spat. 

“I am not a moron.” He raised his voice, but Angelina wasn’t frightened. 

“Sure. And my name isn’t actually Angelina,” She rolled her eyes. “Get real, you know almost nothing about your own kingdom’s history, and I’m sure if I wanted to bore myself further I’d discover you know nothing of Warnerstock, and it’s very apparent you haven’t a single clue of manners or decency in front of a princess.” 

“I. Am. Not. A. Moron,” He clenched his fist. 

“Oh please! If I were to look up the word ‘moron’ in the dictionary, it would have a picture of you. I mean- assuming you’re betrothed to me just because my mother invited you here? My mother may hate my guts, but she’d never do that,” Angelina smirked.

“I can have anything I want, just watch me,” He growled, stepping towards her, and Angelina realized just how much taller he was than her. 

“You’re nothing more than an arrogant, stupid, brainless, spoiled baby that hasn’t heard ‘no’ nearly enough in his life,” She defied him, and he raised his hand and struck her across the face so hard, she fell to the floor with a loud thud. 

Angelina laid on the ground a moment, realizing what just happened, feeling the sting and burn in her cheek. Slowly, she sat herself up. 

“You hit me,” She looked up at him. He dusted off his hand. 

“You’re truly a disgusting creature, Angelina.” he scowled. “I showed you nothing but decency, and you lash out like the vicious animal you are.”

Not even wanting to dignify his bullshit, she instead called for the royal guards. Salazar’s eyes widened as four guards came into the room from their posts, and upon seeing their princess on the floor with a newfound bruise and the neighbor prince red in the face with anger, they were quick to separate the two. 

“I won’t forget about this Angelina. I’ll be back, and I’ll make sure to give you hell once I’m in charge,” He declared for all to hear as he was escorted out. Angelina shuddered as she was helped up by one of the guards. 

“You alright, Princess?” He asked. 

“I’m fine,” She said, not wanting to get into it. 

Despite the stinging in her cheek, she had done what she had to. 

“Just take me to my mother, I’m sure she’ll be delighted to hear about this,” Angelina sighed. The guards nodded and she was escorted to her mother’s private study. She knocked on it once before entering. 

“Angelina, why am I not surprised?” Her mother didn’t look up from her paperwork, shaking her head. “What happened?”

“He had to leave early,” Angelina said. 

“He just barely arrived,” The queen remarked, before looking up at her daughter’s face and frowning. 

“Angelina, what did I tell you? I told you you had to be on your best behavior and you deliberately disobeyed me,” She set down her work. 

“Well gee, I’m sorry alright?” She rolled her eyes. 

“You and I both know that isn’t true. Honestly Angelina, why do you feel the need to sully the kingdom’s good name like this?” Angelina the First rubbed her forehead and stood. 

“Because it’s dumb. All of this is. The suitors, the manners, It’s just so dumb,” She complained. 

“Angelina, I’m not having this conversation again,” The queen stated. “These rules and rituals are tradition. You don’t have a choice. One day you will marry a suitor I picked out for you, whether it makes you happy or not.”

“I’d sooner die,” Angelina glared. 

“If you had any sense in you, you’d learn to bite your tongue, Angelina. Or do you want to be hit a second time today?” The queen raised her hand with her wedding ring on it and Angelina flinched. The queen smirked a little. 

“That’s what I thought,” She said, before sighing and returning to her paperwork. 

“We’ll have to reschedule the other suitors I had planned to visit this month until that bruise heals. We can’t have rumors spread,” She said, writing something down. If she had been feeling better, Angelina would’ve smiled. Her mother went silent a long moment, the only noise being the scratch of her quill touching the paper. Eventually her mother looked up at her, with an expression that looked like a mix of disgust, tiredness, and annoyance. 

“You can go now,” She said. Angelina curtsied for her mother, and then left.

For a while, Angelina found herself wandering the halls of the castle as she rubbed her bruise lightly. She knew she had done what she had to, but she still felt dazed. Perhaps it was from hitting her head, but she felt... odd. Light headed was the best term she could think to describe it. 

It wasn’t too long before Angelina noticed that she had wandered into the garden. That was good. The flowers and fountains did a lot to clear her mind on days like these. Eventually, she made her way to the middle, and sat down on the bench and watched fountain and birds that stopped to bathe in it. She couldn’t be sure of what she was feeling, but whatever it was, it was a lot.  

After awhile of just sitting there, a familiar voice called out, and Angelina looked up and felt herself revive a little. 

“Angelina! There you are,” William smiled and ran to sit down next to her. 

“Hi,” She smiled and scooted over so there was room. 

“How was your- oh my... what happened?” William gasped, referring to the bruise. 

“O-oh it was nothing, really,” Angelina brushed it off. 

“You’re hurt Lena,” He frowned with concern. Angelina took in a deep breath and sighed. 

“A suitor visited today- Prince Salazar of Ticktockia. I pushed things a little too far this time and well... he got pretty mad. And now my mother is pissed that I managed to make one of our strongest allies hate my guts,” Angelina chuckled sadly. 

“Lena... I’m so sorry. That’s terrible,” William said, his eyes watering. Angelina didn’t know how to respond. 

“William- I’m okay. Really. I’m used to it,” She tried to laugh it off. 

“You’re used to it?” His concern only grew and Angelina bit her words. 

“I-i mean...” She sighed. “You know my mother by now. I’m used to this.”

“Lena, I’m so sorry. Nobody should ever, ever hit you, especially your own mother,” William said. 

“Thank you William,” She smiled tiredly at him. 

“Lena, I swear to you, so long as I live, I’ll never let anyone hurt you like this ever again,” He held her hand and kneeled on the ground. 

“W-william, I-i don’t know what to say,” She sniffled, and realized her own eyes were starting to fill with tears. Quickly, she wiped them away. William then stood and pulled her into a tight and loving embrace. At first, Angelina was hesitant, but she chose to embrace it, and she hugged him back, and found herself quickly sobbing into his shoulder. 

“It’s okay Lena, I’m here. It’s okay. I won’t let anyone hurt you anymore,” he promised, and Angelina believed him. She felt safe in his arms, and never ever wanted to let go. She wanted to stay with him forever, safe and happy and secure. She knew he’d never hurt her, ever. 

She loved him. 

Princess Angelina the Second was in love with William. 

She smiled a little and embraced him even more. 

No matter what her mother tried to do or who she tried to set her up with, Angelina knew she was in love with William, and nothing was ever going to change that. 

[wuxiaphoenix]

Worldbuilding: Bordering on Wild

What do borders look like in your story world?

In the modern day and age we’re used to thinking in terms of strict lines on a map. Step here, you’re in one state or country;

a step the other direction puts you in an entirely different one.

For most of recorded history, human definitions of borders, borderlands, and frontiers have been a lot... fuzzier. Along the lines of the supposed meaning of Lake Chaubunagungamaug, “you fish on your side of the lake, I fish on my side of the lake, nobody fish in the middle”.

Fuzzy borders can be interesting story settings. Think of the bar where the county line was painted on an outside wall, and the proprietor would just move that section when a county sheriff showed up. That put them outside of jail for a very long time, until the bar’s propensity for sparking trouble finally annoyed both sides’ sheriffs into showing up at the same time. Or, if you’re going for a less modern, more wild and wooly setting, you might look into the wide border zone between the Qing dynasty and the kingdom of Joseon. Supposedly Koreans weren’t supposed to go north of the Yalu and Tumen Rivers, and everyone else wasn’t supposed to come south of them. Supposedly.

(If you’re thinking there was all kinds of illicit trade, travel, and ginseng exploitation anyway - yep, you’ve been paying attention. But it was convenient for both sides to say “this territory is where our land stops”. So the border lasted a few centuries.)

Humans find an advantage in having areas they have influence in without having direct responsibility for. Like everything else human, this has its good and bad points. Some of the worst surface when you have entrenched bureaucracies. See any of the Three Letter Agencies, aka the Departments of Obfuscatory Services. (Cue Dr. Jane’s Anthem to Bureaucracy here.)

Do you want to claim an asteroid, or comet? How about its orbital arc, so no one else interferes with it?

Does a flying city belong to the land under it? If so, who enforces that? If not, who takes advantage of it?

In the U.S., property rights go down to Hell and up to Heaven. Technically the only thing allowed to trespass through owned airspace is an aircraft with a valid flight plan on file with air traffic control. This has been speculated to have possible effects on vampires... does a property boundary count as a threshold?

Where do people in your story declare a border to exist? And - near as important - does everyone have the same definition?

Because if they don’t, someone’s going to play in the fuzzy areas. Guaranteed.

Background for all this - I’m currently reading Ginseng and Borderland, by Seonmin Kim. Both as research for a potential fantasy, and as another source of info and how people live and work around it. Ginseng’s in the Appalachians, it’s likely to come up in the Oni books. Could be a New World addition to goblin salve....

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 25

first time reader click here

TWs/SUMMARY: Drugs and alcohol. Vague reference to Britishguy Funnyname being Smaug. Gen-Z humor. Reader throwing it back. You can pry my headcanon of Sam being a good dancer from my cold, dead hands.

I literally have a playlist titled "party in Stark tower but a Gen-Z is the DJ". It's good for house parties & dancing. Throw it back my ladies theybies and gentlemen ✌🏻😔

As soon as we heard the muted cheering coming from the spot we'd last seen our friends, my and Loki's head minutely turned in that direction, and only centuries of practice on his end prevented us from colliding with another couple dancing nearby.

Stephen Strange was a... Vision. He was something else, for sure, tight black suit with a sophisticated scale pattern shining silver in the candlelight; the same pattern decorating parts of his face and head, convoluting in a set of small, raised grey-white horns. And his eyes - his eyes glowed like the molten embers of an unholy fire, yellow and gold. He looked terrifying and dangerous and delicious.

And he was looking at us, a cocky smirk on his pale lips and a glass of scotch idly held in a black, gloved hand.

Loki cleared his throat.

I averted my gaze, briefly locking my eyes with Loki's - red and wide. So I wasn't the only one that felt an indescribable sort of animalistic magnetism when looking at the Sorcerer Supreme. "Magic?" I asked, to take my mind off the awkwardness.

"Indeed," Loki replied curtly, stepping slightly closer to me. "Simplistic, but powerful magic. It seems like you had struck a sensitive spot within the Sorcerer," With a great deal of teasing, Loki grinned his trademark 'I-am-trouble' grin.

I chewed on my lip in thought. Low confidence much, Stephen? "We can both agree he is hot as fuck, a gorgeous piece of man, and continue with our party," I spoke after a brief moment, raising an eyebrow towards Loki, hoping to cut the shit at its roots. The trickster couldn't pretend he was unaffected, I had seen his brain stutter.

"Let's shall," He smiled, for real this time, and led us back to our friends. "Strange," Loki's voice was, perhaps, a tad more breathy than usual. I wouldn't blame him for shooting his shot if Stephen actually swung that way.

"Doctor Wizard," Game face: ON, I made my biggest, most innocent eyes and fluttered my wings for the dramatic effect as I made my way back to Bruce. Tony was gone and so was his glass of whiskey - I assumed he had went to schmooze. Bruce patted his lap and I obediently sat down, placing myself nearly face-to-face with the sorcerer.

"Good evening," It took my brain a moment to register that the deep, guttural voice was coming indeed from Stephen himself. "Forgive my tardiness, I was held up at the Sanctum." He stared right at me, flashing those unbelievable eyes in what seemed like amusement. I couldn't tell.

"Smaug," My brain blurted out for some reason. I mean, the eyes, the scales, the voice...

"Touchè," He nodded, saluting me with his glass and taking a hefty swig. "I can't say I'm very trendy," The way he said the word was obviously meant to insult current fashions, "But for an old man like me, I clean up nicely." The little shit-eating grin just about killed me on the spot. Bruce chuckled behind me.

"I won't disagree," I twirled the straw of a drink Bruce had passed me, faking coyness and trying to gather my thoughts in some resemblance of an order. "The eyes are impressive."

"Thank you," Stephen chuckled. "That, and the voice, took some time and patience."

So, he noticed. I was fucked. So, so fucked. I needed more alcohol. "Where's Wanda?" I asked nobody in particular.

"She's dancing with Natasha," Bruce answered, watching me and Stephen with a knowing smirk. The green in his eyes didn't intensify and I took the brief moment to softly touch my lips to his, so quickly it might have been mistaken for a trick of the eye by any peeping stranger. Stephen's close vicinity did something to me. "Wanna go dance with the girls, Princess?" Bruce leaned away slightly, the brown of his irises flashing a glowing green. Oh, he was affected, too.

Stephen Strange, you sly, sly bastard.

"Yes, daddy," I whispered into his ear - just to watch him shudder all over and the hand on my bare thigh briefly turn green, grabbing my flesh possessively... As well as hear Stephen's sharp inhale, the brightening of his eyes. I sashayed off, satisfied with my small act of revenge.

I approached Natasha and Wanda carefully, taking care not to startle them.

"Finally," The witch sighed, moving slowly and precisely to the music with Natasha by her side. "I thought I would find you and Loki in the supply closet." She sounded... Slightly jealous, to be honest.

"Nah, we were thirsting over Strange," I rebuffed the implications firmly.

Natasha whistled. "I can see why."

"I know, right? Almost got Brucie to drag me out of here caveman style with that voodoo shit," I laughed soundly, looking around for the DJ booth. The music was... Nice, but definitely not for solo or group dancing. "You wanna go with me or stay here? I'll bribe the DJ into playing something more... Dancy," I said, reaching into my bra to pull out a fat roll of cash.

"Oh, I want to see that," Natasha proclaimed, pulling me towards our destination by the hand. Wanda followed obediently and curiously. In ten minutes I spent making puppy eyes, Natasha was giving DJ her best murder face and Wanda blankly stared at the array of electronics, I became $300 poorer but the tunes playing overhead slowly turned away from dark rock and into club bass territory.

When a particular song began playing, I pulled out my two girls behind me without a twitch, snagging and downing two shots from a tray standing on the bar. "Tuesday on mind, think about you all the time..." I sang along, body falling into the familiar rhythm of bopping to house music. Natasha joined quickly whereas Wanda was a little confused... But still, she had the spirit.

Few more songs and few more shots in, I was feeling myself. Wanda was tipsy, too, as she had followed in my footsteps upon Natasha's amused urging. Slowly but surely, we danced and drank our way back to our table.

Tony and Stephen were engaged in a staring contest - which was quite funny to me in my state. Tony didn't flinch, didn't blink, just traced his thumb along his jawline just like every time he was deep in thought.

"Loki!" Wanda happily exclaimed, disrupting the tense silence with a fit of drunken giggling. "She bribed the DJ, that was so cool!" The witch snorted as me and Natasha let out slightly embarrassed laughs. Technically, Wanda was still underage and - unsurprisingly - a total lightweight.

"Let's get some fresh air, darling," Loki approached the situation courteously, holding the girl steady and gently steering her towards the patio.

I took the empty chair immediately, plopping with little grace, throwing a leg over the other and leaning back in my chair, exposing the sparkling skin of my legs.

"You're responsible for this noise?" Stephen gestured to the people dancing, now much more closely and loosely, all over the room.

"Baby girl, if you keep dancing like that, I won't mind the terrible noise," Tony winked at me salaciously, evidently having seen me throwing it back like a pro despite my heels and fancy dress. "Where'd you learn that?"

"I just had lots of practice... " I trailed off insinuatingly, eyeing each man for a moment longer than necessary. The darkness in their eyes answered all my questions, the alcohol on my blood making me much bolder in my leering towards them both. I wasn't hiding my eyes as they lazily ran over Stephen's and then Tony's form. The latter knew what it meant, usually his pants were undone in mere minutes after I looked at him like that.

Today, I was a Fae. I was supposed to be playful and I was going to play. My eyes averted before they reached Tony's, focusing instead on Natasha and being all but thrown around by an overly excited Thor. The spy took it like a champ, I doubt I could survive the space-lambada or whatever the fuck it was that the inebriated Asgardian was doing.

A somber silence hung over us, each person eyeing the others with secretive looks. Despite the situation having the full potential to be hot, it was starting to get a little bit unsettling. If I was honest with myself I had completely no idea how to party with old people. Bruce didn't seem to be the dancing kind, Strange looked way too unapproachable and Tony was well on his way to getting shitfaced. I hid behind my drink as I scouted the dance floor for Clint or Sam figuring that they probably wouldn't refuse me a dance or three.

Bingo. Sam caught my eyes quickly and made way to our table in response to the dejected look I gave him. "Sup, baby?" The Falcon-turned-Greek-demigod asked me as he promptly downed a glass of water. The sheen of sweat covering his face indicated he wasn't the one to sit around with a phat beat in the background. "Wanna bust some moves?'

"Sure do," I replied, taking hold of his outstretched hand. "Tony and Stephen are way too busy flirting to dance with me." I pouted, ignoring Tony's indignant shrieking and Sam's laughter. We found ourselves a cozy little spot between all the grinding, writhing sweaty bodies, just barely in direct eyesight of the pouting men we'd left at the table.

"Are you making moves on me now?" Sam laughed as our bodies slid close and moved to the rhythm in perfect sync. The man met all my expectations, he had all the prerequisites for being a good dancer and he did not disappoint.

"Nah, Bird, you've been friend zoned," I snarked, alcohol loosening my lips. "I already have my hands full with my geniuses, sorry man." I was twirled and spun, my hands promptly landing back on his chest. It wasn't that much different than dancing dirty during one of the house parties I used to frequent. Just a lot less pelvic thrusting...

Sam threw his head back, baring his pearly whites in mirth. "At least spare this man a good dance?" The bass dipped lower and I found myself turned around, facing Tony, Bruce and Stephen. Their smirks were dark and nearly identical as they watched me slot and sway my hips in rhythm with the man behind me. "I know you got some moves, baby, don't be shy," Sam teased me.

Who was I to deny such a polite request?Alcohol was fueling my bravery and all but evaporating my sense of shame. Aw, yiss. In short, I was throwing ass like crazy and Sam - Sam was catching it, expertly. My dress wasn't deterring me in the slightest bit, adding an extra flair to my movements. In a moment, my worries were forgotten and replaced by a rush of endorphins coming from the pure joy brought on by dancing.

We danced until my feet hurt. At some point Sam was swished away by a tall, beautiful woman and I traded places with some other girl, landing in the arms of a bulky blonde man dressed as Aquaman. In my drunken haze, Jason Momoa had nothing on him. I threw it back like there was no tomorrow, downing a drink that was given to me with little regard.

Tony's eyes met mine. He was watching me like a hawk, taking tantalising little sips of his whiskey and licking his lips every now and then, diverting his attention only to absentmindedly nod in Strange's direction or smile at a person who wanted a piece of his spotlight. I consumed all of Tony's free attention span. It made me feel powerful, invincible.

I danced a bit more before the booze got to me, making me feel a little too woozy for comfort. Eyes on the table, I stumbled my way to Tony, noisily plopping down in his lap.

His mouth was set in a firm line. "Having fun, Princess?"

"Yeah," I moaned, hugging him around the neck. My body was heating up rapidly, my heart raced. Wait a minute... "Shit," I came to a conclusion as quickly as Stephen's eyebrows rose when he took a look at my face.

"Are you high?" The sorcerer asked me with a deal of concern.

"Prolly," I spoke, sighing. Did I pop X at some point? My memory was hazy. "I'm good tho. Give me some water and I'll be good," I knew my drugs, okay? A little bit of extasy didn't hurt anybody now and then. I had stayed mostly clean ever since my and Tony's and Bruce's relationship started.

To my surprise, Tony chuckled. "I really have no place to judge, Princess, but a warning would have been nice. I hope you had the common sense to get that shit tested, at least." He spoke, slowly stroking my damp hair and allowing me to all but rub myself on him. He smelled so good.

"Tony, please," Stephen rolled his eyes, evidently preparing for a lecture.

I stopped him in his tracks. "Don't act like you're a saint, seventy percent of college students I know do Adderall and coke just to keep up with the curriculum. I call bullshit."

Tony snorted as Stephen rolled his eyes, looking away. Predictable. For all that Strange wanted to appear high and mighty, he wasn't shit. I'd googled him and asked around about him shortly after we'd first met. The sorcerer was no stranger to the lifestyles of the rich and famous. He had more than a few invitation-only parties behind his back. I couldn't wait to tear the self-satisfied, smug smirk off the bastard's face.

THE TAG LIST IS NOW OPEN! @another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads ​ @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading @romeo-the-cactus @jelly-fishy-babie

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Punch Out Mansion AU

Thought I’d elaborate a little bit on my Punch Out AU where all the WVBA boxers live in a mansion together by giving some background on the characters, like their cliques and lives outside of boxing and other random tidbits I felt like adding. This was all just for fun and is admittedly biased toward/against certain characters, so take it with a grain of salt.

Glass Joe

-Along with boxing, Joe is a photographer.

-Only tried boxing out on a dare and was horrible at it. But he kept trying, insisting he could get at least a few wins. The WVBA liked him so much that when he did get his one win, he was given a place in the minor circuit and is essentially a rite of passage for new challengers.

-No one can really bring themselves to be mean to Joe.

-Sandman learns French from Joe so he can shit talk Little Mac in front of him. Joe also learns English from Sandman and can speak it decently, though he has a noticeable accent.

-His closest friends are Von Kaiser, Sandman, and Little Mac.

-Favourite food is baguettes. (I think that was a little obvious)

-Dog person, pretty social and outgoing.

-Dang good at cooking and baking. Always makes food for the others.

Von Kaiser

-Boxing was Kaiser’s main gig for a while but he’s now out of his prime. He used to be a great boxer in his thirties and was even the champion of the major circuit for a while. However, old age and increased cowardice made him lose more and more until he was only able to defeat Glass Joe to keep his position in the minor circuit.

-Everyone calls him “sir,” some mockingly and others sincerely.

-His english is passable, but he gets certain phrases/words wrong sometimes. Everyone tries to be polite about correcting him.

-Cat person.

-He and Joe are best friends, meaning Kaiser also hangs around Sandman and Mac.

-Plays video games just because the ‘kids’ wanted him to do it. His favourite is NES Mario.

-A bit of a dad to the group, being the oldest.

Disco Kid

-Also started boxing because someone dared him and stuck with it because he wanted the exposure for his disco dancing career. Out of all of them, he is the newest to boxing. (Apart from Little Mac, of course)

-Often wears leotards.

-Dances around the house with headphones on a lazy day.

-He and Don Flamenco are best friends and often play Just Dance (their favourite game) competitively.

-They both also hang out with Great Tiger. (Cuz they’re divas)

-Disco Kid is also a famous TikToker.

-He and Don worked together to make:  “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas.” Where they basically make fun of King Hippo.

-Dog Person

-Can’t cook at all.

King Hippo

-Nobody knows his real name so they just call him “Hippo.”

-Favourite food is all.

-Doc Louis shares some chocolate bars with him.

-King Hippo’s son, Prince Potamus took over the throne “temporarily” when King Hippo left for boxing. Now that it’s been a year, people are questioning whether he will ever return to his home island.

-He can’t hold a controller, much less play video games. However, he does wreck everyone at Swordplay in Wii Sports Resort. Nobody can figure out how, but they can’t manage to beat him.

-Just eats everything raw without preparing it.

Piston Hondo

-Does martial arts professionally like Karate and Boxing and shit. He is also new to boxing, and was offered directly by a WVBA person after they saw one of his martial arts demonstrations. Hondo accepted and did some training before starting his boxing career. He fights anyone who challenges him, which is why he hasn’t passed his position, he hasn’t had a chance to challenge anyone himself.

-He speaks very slowly in English in order to get all the words right. It is slow, but proper.

-Pretty much everyone from Major Circuit and onward arm wrestle with Little Mac. Hondo tries to regulate the arm wrestles the best he can. (It needs to be a fair fight!)

-Favourite food is sushi. (I think this is kinda canon, but whatever)

-Piston Hondo and Little Mac train together. Their morning jog is outrunning the bullet train.

-Hondo and Doc Louis are the “dads” of the group and are the most responsible.

-Everyone kind of respects him, even the higher ranks.

-He’s not really a gamer, but he likes Ace Attorney.

-Almost exclusively cooks food from his home country, going off of recipes from his childhood.

Bear Hugger

-Apart from boxing, he is a lumberjack.

-He challenged everyone in the minor circuit and won, but couldn’t defeat Hippo. So he just decided to challenge the first major circuit person, who at the time wasn’t Hondo because Hondo only has one loss.

-Loves camping but none of the others ever want to go. (Aran Ryan might go to prank him.)

-He keeps his squirrel as a pet. One of the others has to take care of it while he’s out. (Hondo or Doc usually offer)

-Favourite food is maple syrup. (Also kinda canon)

-He’s pretty chill with everyone and content to go with the flow most of the time.

-Mobile gamer. He’s really dedicated to PvZ in particular.

-Probably arm wrestles Mac from time to time.

-The only one to really get along with Bald Bull all that well.

-Wakes up early to make pancakes for everyone.

Great Tiger

-He is a street magician, probably. Maybe a professional magician with like a show. I don’t know how this stuff works.

-Probably seduced the ref to get so many decision wins.

-He beat everyone up to Don and was literally about to challenge him for the championship when Little Mac came along. (We can all agree that Great Tiger is much more difficult than Don Flamenco, right?)

-Either didn’t beat King Hippo and did the same thing Bear Hugger did or did beat him and didn’t take the belt because it was “beneath him.”

-Total douche with his clones. He’ll do things like tickle Little Mac to win an arm wrestle. (Hondo and Doc try to stop him but can’t)

-Total prankster.

-Uses magic literally all the time even when he doesn’t need to.

-He surprisingly knows a good amount of English. He still forgets words/phrases and enunciates certain things oddly but he can carry a solid conversation in English.

-Switches to Hindi to trash talk the others, particularly Little Mac. (Even if he’s grown to secretly respect the persistent kid)

-Hangs out around Don and Disco and will help them prank people for TikToks. They will also game together.

-Favourite food is pakora. (It’s an indian dessert. If you’ve never tried it, it’s delicious)

-Same as Hondo, in which he just knows how to cook foods from his country. Uses his clones to do every little task in order to cook. (Ex: Will have one stirring something, one at the rice maker, and another at the stove)

-Eats insanely spicy foods. (Will sometimes eat chili powder right out of the shaker)

Don Flamenco

-His full name is Juan Eduardo Flamenco Ramirez. He was nicknamed “Don” by his friends growing up and stuck with it for his boxing name. He used “Flamenco” as the second half of his name because it was pretty.

-He is canonically a bullfighter and boxer. That’s all you really need.

-Don climbed the ranks like Mac did. He originally kept the minor circuit belt for a while but decided he wanted something more impressive. He challenged Von Kaiser for the major circuit belt and won.

-Also probably seduced the ref if we’re being honest.

-Loves dancing and expensive dates.

-His best friends are Disco Kid and Great Tiger. He nicknamed Disco Kid “Niño de Disco” and Great Tiger “Gran Tigre.”

-He is pretty much bilingual, and has little trouble switching between English and Spanish. He will switch to spanish to tease Little Mac, though it’s pretty harmless in comparison to some of the others.

-He’s only emo in the ring and sometimes around Little Mac. “It’s not a phase, Mac.”

-Dog person.

-Favourite food is churros. (A spanish dessert. Also delicious.)

-He’s really not a gamer and will only play Just Dance with Disco Kid.

-He punched Bald Bull through the roof for a TikTok. Completely unrelated to that, there is a “natural skylight” in Don’s room.

-Challenges Little Mac to arm wrestles whenever he’s bored. Apart from Hondo, he’s probably the least “cheaty” out of them.

-An excellent cook. Because he loves to impress the ladies.

Aran Ryan

-Actually used his real name for boxing. The absolute madman.

-Apart from Boxing, Aran is a telemarketer. He also scams people on the streets as a side hustle.

-He started on the World circuit, the absolute madman, and Soda Pop was the first boxer he met. Aran Ryan can’t manage to beat him or any of the others though and picked on the lower ranks to work up a record. His “number 5” rank is technically unofficial.

-Wastes a lot of money on alcohol.

-Eats nothing but potatoes.

-He and Soda Popinski are best friends. I could see him and Great Tiger either being friends or rivals.

-Doesn’t get along with many of the others. Bald Bull especially is his enemy.

-Learned Russian to communicate with Soda. Likewise, Soda learned more English to communicate with Aran.

-Tries to use two hands while arm wrestling Mac. Doc or Hondo try to get him to knock that shit off.

-Dog person

-He loves gaming and will hack literally any game he can get his hands on. Newer Super Mario Bros Wii is his favourite game.

-Is banned from the kitchen.

Soda Popinski

-Works at a bar selling drinks.

-He’s been boxing for a long time. Held one of the circuit championships at some point but lost it. His other loss was against Sadman.

-He and Aran Ryan are drinking buddies. (Yeah sure it’s soda. It’s spiked with vodka or steroids. You can’t fool me.)

-He’s not much of a gamer, but often gets pulled into playing Aran Ryan’s hacked games with him.

-Always drinks the entire supply of soda. If anyone else wants soda, they have to hide it in one of their rooms.

-Chugs an entire can of steroid soda before arm wrestling Mac.

-“Favourite food? Uh, soda! That is a food, right?” -him at some point

-Understands English well, but has trouble speaking it himself.

-Mostly keeps to himself oddly enough.

-Doesn’t cook. Pretends to not know english when someone asks him to.

Bald Bull

-Apart from boxing, he’s a professional bodybuilder.

-Just kinda challenged people randomly and somehow won most of the time. His losses (pre Mac) were against Macho Man, Sandman, and twice against Doc Louis.

-Is laid back unless the paparazzi come around or someone does something to piss him off. Then he goes beserk. Like the time Don used him to make a “natural skylight” for a TikTok.

-Probably started the arm wrestling tradition against Little Mac, but no one is really sure.

-He and Doc Louis insult each other constantly. Aran and him are also bitter enemies.

-Talks shit about everyone in Turkish.

-Speaks in very broken english and usually hides out in his room.

-He is most chill around Bear Hugger, his closest friend.

-The others normally don’t let him touch a video game controller. However, he did beat King Hippo at Swordplay, shocking everyone.

-Can probably cook just fine but was preemptively banned from the kitchen so no one is really sure.

SMM

-His real name is Chadrick, like the asshole he is.

-A Hollywood actor for sure.

-Was the champion for a while until Sandman kicked his ass. He didn’t take any of the other belts because it was “beneath him.”

-Buys all the skins and battle passes in Fortnite. Also buys a ton of other useless rich person shit.

-Doesn’t live in the mansion but will visit every now and then during parties and shit.

-Eats nothing but In-n-Out. (Thanks Tumblr, for conflating these two in my mind)

-Is totally lying about his age.

Mr. Sandman

-His real name is Michael. People often make the comparison between him and Mike Tyson.

-He looked up to Mike Tyson as a kid.

-He is 100% devoted to boxing. Before boxing however, he worked in retail, which would explain his utter rage with the world.

-Didn’t take the minor or major belts because it was beneath him.

-Extremely competitive with Little Mac.

-“LITTLE MAC YOU ATE MY FUCKING LEFTOVERS THIS CALLS FOR A REMATCH!” -Sandman, all the time

-Also arm wrestles him a lot and challenges him at Minecraft, the favourite game of the two of them. He has a Minecraft world that he’s used for six years on Survival with all these crazy builds.

-Fairly chill when not boxing or competing with Mac.

-Good friends with Glass Joe and admires the persistent little guy despite his lack of skill in boxing.

Doc Louis

-Was the champion before Macho Man. Climbed the ranks like Mac did, and gave up his belts after retiring. Sandman was probably the final straw.

-Fought Bald Bull back in the day, and often won. They’re still rivals now.

-Favourite food is chocolate. (Literally canon, but whatever)

-The ultimate dad of the group.

-Gives them all advice, but clearly picks his favourites (Little Mac).

-All the older fighters get a little nervous when they see him eating chocolate. (You know what I mean if you’ve played Doc Louis’s Punch Out)

-Plays games with the others when they need an extra player.

-Loves cooking and does it all the time, often for some of the others too.

-He’s retired so he doesn’t “officially” live at the mansion. However, the couch has become his designated spot and the table beside it is where he puts his bag of chocolate bars.

[urimaginespimp]

Michael Gray: Better Man pt 8

This was easier than both of them thought.

Too easy.

It's been three weeks since Michael was exiled into Olivia's life again, and the pair seemed to be getting along.

Polly told him there wouldn't be a need to get a job as she was hopeful his punishment won't last that long, so Michael opted to volunteer help in Olivia's office when he didn't feel like going somewhere else.

He was lounging on her office couch, reading a newspaper tossed to him to keep him occupied while she was signing papers.

"Can you tell me what's on the paper? The silence is deafening here." Olivia asked, too immersed in signing papers from her left, then stacking them on her right to organize later.

"Hmm let me see..." He trailed off.

"Nothing interesting here, Olivia, not even good pictures." He shook his head.

"C'mon Michael, just read anything in there out loud." She insisted.

"Okay..." he trailed off, flipping through the pages, then cleared his throat.

"Handsome man from Birmingham, forced to read uneventful news to a lady whose nose is stuck on paperwork." He said in a tone badly impersonating a radio anchor.

Olivia, realizing that he was jesting, finally looked up from what she was doing to see that he was already looking at her with a grin.

"The only part false about that news, Michael, was when you called yourself handsome." She was struggling to keep a straight face when he looked slightly offended.

"I'd bet the other ladies would think otherwise." He smirked at her.

She scoffed. "Don't you have a paper to read aloud for me?"

"You're not even paying me." He teased.

"I never even ask you to volunteer here." She laughed at him.

Just then, the door to her office and a man about their age walked in.

"Good afternoon." He greeted.

"May I speak with a Mr. Peterson?" He asked while taking off his hat.

"I am him." Olivia stood up from her chair behind the desk.

The man looked surprised that she was a woman, and got flustered.

"I apologize ma'am, my father missed to tell me that you were a woman; let alone young...and attractive."

Olivia chuckled. "It's fine, Mr...?"

"Coleman. Luke Coleman." He gave her a smile, showing his perfect teeth, and extended his hand for her to shake.

As the two shook hands, Michael was still on the couch and didn't like what he was seeing even if he tried denying it in his head. The man before him was getting flustered. Flustered like he was when they first met, and she was all smiles at him too - not the usual formal smile she gave to her clients.

"This must be your husband?" He asked, gesturing to Michael.

Such a simple mistake, yet it made her feel as though the room got smaller.

"Yeah, he wishes." She laughed to play it cool. "He's just a friend reading me the paper." She gave a small laugh again. Though Michael looked at her with an unreadable expression.

"Please..." she gestured for him to take a seat on the chair in front of her desk. "How may I be of help?"

"My father sent me here not for anything money or business related, Miss."

"Please, you may call me Olivia since you're technically not my client." She smiled at him, ignoring the snort she heard coming from the corner.

"Okay, Olivia." He cleared his throat. "He sent me here to formally invite you to our charity event which is three weeks from now." He said, taking out a small envelope from his coat pocket and handing it to her.

Opening the envelope, she read that she could take a plus one.

"Thank you, Mr. Coleman, I'll think about it." She smiled at him.

"It would be a pleasure to see you there, miss. You can take your friend here with you if you'd like." He replied, smiling at Michael, who was now simply staring at them in an unreadable expression.

"I'll be there." The brooding man replied, taking a cigarette out of his pocket, placing it on his lips, then lighting it.

"Thank you, Michael, for inviting yourself to be my plus one." She smiled at him sarcastically which he returned with a smirk, then she turned to face Luke again.

"Would that be all, sir?" She asked with a smile, and he nodded in response.

"Thank you again, for the invitation, Mr. Coleman. Please extend my greeting and gratitude to your father." She stood up again to shake his hand.

"I'm looking forward to seeing you there, Olivia. And please, it's just Luke." He stood up from his seat too and shook her hand.

He turned to offer Michael a smile - one he returned with a simple nod of acknowledgement.

When the door to her office finally closed, Olivia turned to Michael.

"What was that about, Michael?" She asked accusingly.

"I don't know what you mean." He was acting nonchalant about it.

"The snorts, basically inviting yourself, smoking while I'm facing a client, not returning the smile?" She looked at him expectantly.

"You said it yourself, he's technically not a client." He let out a puff of smoke. "How about you, and the excessive smiling?" he chuckled.

"I was being nice!" She groaned.

"And getting all defensive and awkward about me?"

"Well what was I supposed to say? We're roommates?" She blinked at him. This was getting a little close to crossing unspeakable territory.

"Okay, I'm sorry." He sighed.

"How sorry are you really?" She asked him, now smiling, trying to lighten the mood.

"Enough to buy you a drink after work. What do you say?" He offered with a smile.

She pursed her lips as if thinking about it. And with a chuckle, she said

"Apology accepted."

--------

New York bars were huge compared to Birmingham's beloved Garrison. People were dancing everywhere, tables were full, a live band was playing jazz, and the variety of drinks were endless.

As promised, Michael took her out for drinks as an apology for acting rude earlier.

She was sitting across him at a table while he gestured for a waiter to come over.

"I hope whiskey is still your favorite." Michael said.

"You're not wrong." She smiled at him.

While Michael was talking to the waiter, Olivia took the chance to really look at him, as this was the closest proximity they've gotten between each other in the three weeks that he's been here.

It's still there - the light freckles he has that she had memorized not long ago. His eyes are still a beautiful shade of blue that could sometimes be mistaken as green. Though they don't look as bright as they used to. Life in Birmingham could do that to you.

Definitely still handsome. She thought to herself. Though she noticed that he was looking a little more relaxed than the first time he got here.

"See something you like?" He caught her staring.

"Yeah, the man sitting a table behind you." She almost gave herself a pat on the back right then and there.

Michael turned to look behind him to see who she was referring to. And sure enough, there was a man. An old man who appears to be enjoying a night out with his old wife.

Michael turned back to face her.

"Livy, no." He laughed at her.

She can't tell if it's her getting caught lying, or that he called her Livy that made her flustered.

"Really, that's who you were staring at?" He teased.

"What's wrong with looking? I was only staring because I noticed that he looks happy with her." She reasoned out.

"Whatever you say, Livy." Though it didn't sound like he believed her.

Thankfully, the waiter was back to serve their drinks. And that was the start of their night.

--------

She has no idea how many rounds of drinks they've gotten, but it was enough for them to start laughing at everything, and for Michael to ask her for a dance.

The band was playing a slow tune this time, and a lot of couples were swaying along to it.

If they were both sober enough, this wouldn't be even come close to a possibility. But tonight, they made a silent agreement to just enjoy each other's company.

After all, the only piece they have of Birmingham in a city as big as New York, was each other.

"I've missed dancing, Michael. It's been so long." She smiled at him.

"I haven't been dancing too. Though I was never really good at it." He chuckled.

"Eh... if you can sway, you'll do." She shrugged.

"I never got to ask you, how's New York been for you before I came here like a lost pup?"

"It was..." she trailed off, thinking of the right answer. "Let's just say before you came, the air wasn't as polluted as it is now." She let out a small laugh.

"Hey, I only smoke now when I'm stressed." He smiled, giving her a little spin.

"Well how was Birmingham before Thomas sent you here for a forced vacation?"

"Still polluted." They both chuckled, and she hit him gently on the arm.

"Okay, it was... all business, booze, smoking, and no dancing." He answered her honestly this time.

"I thought you only smoke when you're stressed?" She asked him, dropping her head to the side, like a child.

"Exactly, Livy." He said, making sure they weren't about to bump into other couples.

"Well you need to stop being mean to your lungs, all the time, Mickey."

"And why is that?"

"If they decide that they don't want that type of life anymore, I'll have nobody to read me my paper." They both laughed. Michael was shaking his head at how playful she was.

He forgot that even back in Birmingham, she didn't treat alcohol like water.

"Okay I think it's time we head home."

And with that, Michael lead them both to get their coats.

--------

The walk home was not that far, but it was long enough to get her back to her senses.

"You know, this was the first time I got a night out in a long time." She opened.

"Two years in this city and you don't have any friends?"

"Well I really can't call my clients as my friends, but I do have one, but she's a lot older and too busy in her business." She haven't gotten the chance to visit Ginny yet. The woman would be expecting updates from her.

Giving her house key to Michael because they haven't gotten it duplicated yet, he opened their front door and gestured for her to come inside first.

"Thank you for the drinks, Michael. I had fun." She yawned sleepily. Though she straightened when she saw that he was getting close.

"Thank you, Livy. I haven't had fun like this in years." He said sincerely, tucking a lose strand of her hair behind.

They were both simply staring at each other, not knowing what to do next.

Michael wanted to kiss her. He had been wanting to since the day he saw her again, but he refrained from letting his impulses get the best of him out of respect for her, and their history.

And maybe he was still a little bit tipsy too, when he got the courage to ask. "Can I kiss you?" He whispered, looking at her intently in the eyes.

As much as she missed him and wanted to feel his lips again, she can't deny that it would be a bad idea.

They haven't even had the courage to finally talk.

"We both know it'll complicate things for us, Michael." She willed herself to be reasonable.

What they have - the whole pretending they're friends thing, was enough for now.

"You're right." He sighed, looking down.

Giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze, he gave her a small slightly forced grin, and said "Sleep well, Olivia." Then went up ahead to his room.

"Good night, Michael." She replied quietly, but enough for him to hear.

------

Have an amazing day/night/week/month! ❤️

[purplesurveys]

1277

Who are you most nervous about introducing potential significant others to?  Ooooh moving forward, probably Angela hahahaha I have no idea how I’d break it to her if ever I do start seeing somebody again. She’s well aware of all the shit that I let slide so she might get intense with the scrutineering.

What is the most exciting thing about your life right now?  Just the fact that I feel on top of the world these days. My days of being depressed and picking at my insecurities seem to be far behind me and the change has looked to be apparent coming from friends who’ve told me I seem happier, louder these days.

What was the most important non-academic thing you learned in high school?  To not be scared to fight harder for the things you believe in or what make up your identity, coming from having to hide a same-sex relationship during that period. That feeling of being constricted and having to hide to stay on some conservative seniors’ good graces really pissed me off so high school was really crucial in letting me discover just how much I’d be willing to fight and test the waters to be able to live as me.

Have you ever had a job that deeply affected your personal life? How so and do you still work there?  Hmm no, not really. If anything my job is one of the things that helped make me a lot livelier and happier.

Do you have a “one who got away”?  It felt that way at the start when my view was still skewed, but it didn’t take long until I realized she was not a loss at all.

If you were in a superhero movie, would you be the hero or the villain? Hero.

If you found a mouse in your house, would you be frightened?  Mice or rats are the literal worst fucking thing I could see in my house. I definitely see myself making a big deal out of it lmao, especially rats.

Have you ever tried to perform magic tricks?  Nobody ever taught me, so no.

Can you do more with a yo-yo than just "go up and down"? Nah, which kinda makes me feel ashamed because considering it was a Filipino who invented the modern yo-yo, I feel like it should be my responsibility to know a few tricks LOL.

What is one form of technology that you wouldn't be able to live without?  Instant messenger.

Did you get an allowance, growing up? Why or why not?  Starting high school. Before that I was living in our family’s duplex, so my grandma could make packed meals for all of us – not to mention the fact that my parents were also still on their way to establishing themselves at their respective workplaces so we weren’t all that well-off yet. 

When we moved into our own place, we started with my mom making our meals but eventually it just proved to be time-consuming and a lot of work considering she also had a job to go to. With that and the fact that both my parents at that point already got a couple of promotions, we switched to allowance.

Would you rather go to a water park or an amusement park? Why?  Amusement parks though I would only probably head to the safer rides and food stalls with all the deep-fried offerings haha. I cannot handle more intense rides. On the other hand, water parks have always sounded nasty to me.

What is one instrument you wouldn't mind learning how to play?  Piano.

What's the longest amount of time you've had to wait in line for something?  The stupid LTO, because you can never count on government agencies to be efficient. Technically my whole time in there took a couple of stages, but all in all I spent eight hours there.

What is something that you would like to learn more about?  Korean. I just graduated from my Basic Korean 1 class but I already have plans to enroll in the following course, since I seemed to do well and I want to keep the momentum going.

What is something that one of your family member collects?  Mom has a large collection of chef-themed figurines and other sorts of trinkets like a chef timer, shot glasses, etc - but mostly the figurines - that she has displayed in a glass case. I should keep that in mind for when I start Christmas shopping, actually...she hasn’t updated that collection in a long time. Thanks for the idea!

Have you ever moved to a new school before? If so, how did it feel?  No, not in the middle of the same period since I went to the same school from kinder to high school for 14 years. I only “moved” when I started college. Like I’ve said in previous surveys, it felt freeing to finally not under be the hands of an environment ran by...well, Catholics. It was a culture shock to see rallies everywhere, to find out I could wear short shorts or even go to school naked if I wanted to, and to see boys in my class (I went to an all-girls), but it was all the good kind of shock.

Have you ever legitimately forgotten to do homework?  Always, because I never wrote them down.

Do you enjoy autumn leaves or spring flowers more? Why?  I experience neither season.

Depending on where you live, why might a day of school get canceled? Typhoon.

If you could meet any fictional character from a book, who would it be? Melanie Hamilton from Gone with the World.

What are some common places that people tour when they come to your city?  I rarely see foreigners here since my area isn’t particularly known for tourism; most go to the island provinces like Cebu, Aklan, Palawan, etc. If I had to recommend spots here, I’d tell them to go for Pinto and maybe the rooftop bars that offer a view of Manila’s skyline. 

What's one food that you did not enjoy as a child, but do as an adult?  Chicken curry, which I used to dread.

Would you rather have a mermaid tail, a fairy's wings or a unicorn's horn? I guess the wings just because I feel like it’s the only practical one.

What is an animal that you'd like to have as a pet but it's not allowed?  I don’t think that way about animals I can’t keep as pets anyway.

What are some things that you do to make the world a better place?  I always clean up at restaurants (my mom doesn’t understand why I do it because “the servers are here for a reason, Robyn”) but I always see the relief on their faces when they see I’ve stacked up the plates and cups so I don’t see a reason to stop doing it. I keep the door open for people who happen to enter/exit a building the same time as me, share dog adoption posts, don’t make a fuss about or towards a shop staff who messes up...things like that. I hope it’s able to help, even if just in a small way.

Has the last person you had sex with ever had sex with someone besides you?  I don’t know. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has already.

What’s your favorite store at your mall?  We have several malls within the vicinity but I like frequenting NCAT.

Have you ever done a workout DVD?  No but my mom is fond of those.

Who usually takes out the trash in your family?  Either of my parents.

What song are you currently obsessed with?  My Universe is soooooo good. It’s Coldplay’s classic sound but they somehow managed to perfectly blend in BTS’ style as well, so I love how it turned out.

When you go fishing, do you make someone else get the fish off the hook?  I've never gone fishing.

Do you take any prescription meds?  Nope.

What happens if you don’t take them?  Who was the last person you dreamt about?  My dad.

Do you prefer your tea sweetened or unsweetened?  Sweetened, though I don’t usually actively look for iced tea. I’d have it if it was served, but I don’t typically order it for myself.

How often do you honk your horn?  As long as I am annoyed, which gives my mom a mini heart attack every time because she insists I just let people have their way to avoid getting into fights. Sometimes when she’s driving and someone’s being stupid on the road I lurch forward to do the honking for her and it pisses her off soooooooooo much but it also gets the job done so *shrug*

Do you have any children? If so, names and ages? I don’t.

Have your parents ever witnessed you doing something inappropriate? What?  TMI but I almost got caught doing the m-word once but my reflexes were at lightning speed that day so when my door opened I was able to fix myself up and appear as though nothing was happening lol. My mom also saw a hickey on me once but I was able to veer the conversation away when she started inquiring.

Did you get babysat a lot as a kid?  No, I did the babysitting.

If you were the principal of a school, what would you do differently? Actually deal with teachers who mistreat or make issues towards their students. I had several teachers I know didn’t like me but I could never do anything about it because there was no way in hell the school was going to take my side.

Are you doing anything fun tomorrow?  Continued from yesterday. If I took this question yesterday to refer to today I would’ve answered yes because we actually have a really fun PR stunt scheduled for execution today, wherein we get to sponsor someone’s whole wedding from food to flowers to the host and fillm crew :D :D But tomorrow is just Monday so the real answer to this is no.

What is something you'd like to receive as a housewarming gift?  I dunno the usual housewarming gifts, but I would appreciate anything practical, or anything that you’ll need at the least expected times, like batteries or even like Sticky Tack.

How old were you when you first experienced the effects of puberty?  Oooh I was an early bird – I was 9 when I could first tell my first period was on its way; it came a month after I turned 10.

What is your least favorite holiday, and why?  I don’t dislike any holiday because they all mean a day off work lol.

What were some outdoor games you played as a child?  We usually played piko (hopscotch), our local version of freeze tag that we dubbed “Ice ice water” for whatever reason, and a garter game that we call 10-20. Dodgeball was a favorite during recess and lunch, too.

Did you accompany your parents on "Take Your Child to Work" Day? That’s not observed here, but my mom did use to take me and my siblings to her first workplace. Are cemeteries peaceful to you, or do they freak you out?  They’re actually more interesting to me than anything else. I like learning about the different lives of many different people, even if I only technically know them by their birthday and date of death. Sometimes the inscriptions would be more detailed and tell more about their life, sometimes I’d come across babies who only lived a few days...and it’s just interesting to have those glimpses into life.

Which ancient civilization would you be interested in learning more about?  Filipino, because Western colonization destroyed proof of most of it. 

Do you have better long-term memory or short-term memory?  Long.

What was the last situation that made you cry? Describe.  I cried this morning. Nothing bad or heavy, I just found myself thinking again about my mental state last year.

Which forest animal would you be most afraid to encounter?  Anything that wouldn’t hesitate to tear my limbs apart.

Do you believe in anything supernatural? (ie: spirits, etc)  No.

Has anyone close to you ever gone to war?  No. The closest link I have to the military, other than my dead great-grandfather, is Angela’s uncle who’s like a general or like a colonel or something, idk titles.

Have you ever experienced altitude sickness?  Yeah, occasionally. Pressure in the ear is a bigger nuisance to me, though.

Is there anything, any event, you wish you could remember more clearly?  The last time I saw my grandfather. My only clear memory of him that day was stepping out of the house to leave (my mom and I were visiting) and him sending me off with the message to always be kind and good. If I had known I would never see him again, I never would’ve left.

Have you ever rubbed anyone’s feet?  Hmm no, not that I can recall.

If you had to get advice from someone of the opposite sex, who would you go to?  I’d go to Hans for certain advice, but not for every single situation. He’s the only person that comes to mind.

What was the last new food/drink that you tried?  So last Wednesday I finally got to try this Instagram-based doughnut shop that I’ve been eyeing since August and it turned out to be even MUCH BETTER THAN EXPECTEDDDDDD. Like yeah their photos were always mouthwatering but I didn’t expect it to taste as good as it looks, since most pretty food I’ve encountered usually end up just tasting meh. Anywho, I got two orders of their sampler box and they served me their specialty bacon doughnut, signature brown butter, and a bunch of their chocolate and peanut butter variants and I loved every single fucking thing.

Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better?  Oh it’s hard to tell, it’s only 9:05 AM. Both days might be uneventful, though.

Have you ever played Sudoku?  I don’t actually get how to play it hahaha. I feel like I’m too stupid for sudoku.

Do you ever take surveys for money?  I tried it last year when applying for jobs was still a bitch for me, but the thing is most of those surveys look for employed participants so there was rarely ever a survey that fit me anyway.

Do you like Barbie or Bratz better?  Bratz.

Do you prefer purple or green grapes?  I don’t like grapes.

Who was the last person that made you laugh?  Idk, probs one of the boys since I was watching videos of them earlier today.

Where does your best friend live?  A nearby city.

Who did you last confide in?  Angela.

Does your car have an alarm?  Sure.

Where was your mom born?  Somewhere in Metro Manila.

What can always make you feel better no matter what?  My dogs.

What is something you’ll never eat again? Why?  I don’t think there is anything. I feel like I’m always bound to retry things and that I would be open to doing so, even fruits. One thing I’m firm about never drinking again, though, is coconut water. Get that SHIT away from me.

What is currently happening that is scaring you?  I’m not feeling scared these days.

Have you ever found a stranger’s note somewhere? If so, what did it say?  Probably. But nothing sticks out.

[thatdamnokie]

so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.  

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone​ was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy—he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y’all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

like

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen​)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

D:

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

[chaoticowlpost]

Hey again :) i loved ur last fic and i was wondering if u could write one about draco shaving his legs and harry just absolutely Adoring them or something?? Im so happy when u post new fics dude i literally just can not get enough of them

Thank you so much 🥺  Enjoy <3 (This came out longer than I expected...haha)

--------------------------------------------------

“Ouch, bloody fuck!”

The distinct scream of Harry’s boyfriend rang through the entire 8th Year dormitory, bringing Harry on full alert mode as he dashed out of his room into the direction of Draco’s voice.

All possible scenarios rang through Harry’s head. Did someone hex him? That wouldn’t make sense since most all of the 8th Years got along, so he was safe here. Did someone break in? Is he-

Harry’s mind stuttered into a pause when he ran into the common room, wand in hand. 

Pansy and Blaise were working together to hold the struggling blond down. Pansy was straddling his chest and pinning Draco’s arms down while Blaise tried to grab hold of the pale legs that were flaying everywhere in attempts to escape.

“Parkinson,” Harry said as coolly as possible, trying to understand the situation that was unfolding before him. “I do believe that’s my job.”

“Ha!” Pansy cackled, still trying to get Draco under control. “Well if you tell your sodding boyfriend to accept the punishment, then I would gladly get off him,” then her grin turned shark-like. “Unless you’d like to take my place.”

“I have no problem taking your place,” Harry smirked at the sounds of Draco sputtering in indignation. “But what exactly did he do for...this.”

“He lost a game of exploding snap. Multiple times,” Pansy added before Draco could protest. “And the punishment was to use these muggle waxing strips Granger gave us.”

“Right,” Harry said faintly. “Well then, love, it seems you should get it on with.”

“What?” Draco sputtered, glaring at the betrayal. “I already did! Multiple times! And that last one was the final straw!”

“But we’re not finished, darling,” Pansy’s shark-like grin was back. 

“Do you need me to hold your hand?” Harry teased, although he was partly serious. Who knew, when it came to Draco.

“Sod off, Potter,” Draco glared before giving in and shoving his friend off him. “Fine, I’ll bloody finish it.”

“Good boy,” Blaise smirked, but both refused to let go of him, making sure to take hold of each of his arms. 

Now that Had confirmation that his boyfriend was in no immediate danger- bar the fact that he was just dragged off by his friends- Harry could relax. He tossed himself onto one of the sofas and closed his eyes, deciding to wait for the Slytherins to finish...whatever they were doing so he could get Draco back.

Another scream sounded from the Slytherin rooms before it was cut off by a silencing charm. Harry chuckled to himself lightly and waited.

It took fairly longer than he expected, which was technically not long, before Draco emerged from his room alone, cocooning himself in a large blanket as he walked over to Harry sulkily.

“What’s with the blanket, love?” Harry asked. “Planning to sleep here?”

“I just might or else I’m going to kill Blaise in his sleep,” Draco grumbled before standing before him, unwrapping the blanket from his front so he could sit down properly.

Harry’s mouth went dry and he was pretty sure he felt the blood stop flowing to his brain, because standing before him was Draco Malfoy, wearing Harry’s hoodie and shorts.

They were Pansy’s shorts, by the looks of them which made them even shorter, especially with the top being covered by Harry’s large hoodie. 

“Holy shit,” Harry whispered, more to himself than to Draco.

“Yeah, yeah,” Draco rolled his eyes like his legs weren’t on full display for Harry, the clean, pale skin stretching all the way down. “Pansy said I had to wear something that doesn’t irritate my skin or else it would turn red and itchy, and apparently everything I own would trigger it.”

Draco scoffed while rolling his eyes, giving a small moment of silence for Harry to respond, but he didn’t. “But I wasn’t going to bloody risk it, so here. Now don’t mention it.”

And with that, he pushed Harry’s knees apart so he could slot himself between them and sit down comfortably, lying against Harry’s chest which was still beating rapidly at the sight of his boyfriend. He also pulled his knees up so his feet could rest flat on the sofa.

Fortunately- or rather, unfortunately for Harry- once Draco was in a comfortable position, he draped the blanket over both of them, effectively covering every inch of his previously exposed skin.

Snapping himself out of his daze, Harry wrapped his arms around Draco’s lithe figure and pulled them closer to one another, resting his chin on the Slytherin’s shoulder.

“I think you should borrow Pansy’s clothes more often,” Harry murmured lowly into his ear “In fact, I could probably buy you some of your own if you’d like.”

“Hah!” Draco scoffed at the thought. Maybe Harry could bring it up another time. “It’s so bloody cold like this.”

“Here,” Harry said, reaching for the base of Draco’s legs before rubbing his hands over them, trying to create some sort of warmth under the blanket. He went on like that for a while as he listened to Draco rant about some history of a spell or something until his hand got tired.

His skin was impossibly soft, and Harry appreciated the way it felt under his skin. 

His actions slowly stalled into him running his hands slowly and lightly over Draco’s leg until he noticed the light quiver in his voice. Curiously, he dragged one finger lightly from under his knee to the top of his thigh, right where the shorts ended.

“H-Harry?” Draco asked, the question hanging in the air.

“Shh,” Harry said instead, repeating the action. He pushed Draco’s knees apart just a bit more so his hand could slide between them better, now bold enough to dip his finger into the space between his shorts and skin until they skimmed over the area where Draco’s thigh met his groin.

A shaky gasp emitted from Draco, who began to tremble lightly in Harry’s arms. Harry smirked to himself and turned Draco’s face so he could capture his lips into a searing kiss, his hands continuing to roam lightly over Draco’s soft skin.

“Bloody hell, mate!” Ron’s voice groaned, bringing Harry’s attention back to the world around them. “Nobody wants to see that.”

“Oh yeah?” Harry grinned evilly before pressing his lips back onto Draco’s, this time making sure to slide his tongue in as deeply as he could before pulling away, leaving Draco flushed and panting before turning back to his best mate smugly. 

“Just use the room,” Ron yelped, his face turning scarlet. ‘Please.”

“Alright, you heard him,” Harry laughed, sliding out from under Draco before lifting him up in his arms so he was still bundled under the blanket, earning a yelp and a slap to the shoulder. 

“Potter, let me down!” Draco demanded, squirming in his arms. Harry simply laughed and quickened his pace until they were finally in his bed, laying Draco down gently before unwrapping the blanket as if he were a present and crawling on top of him.

“Gods, you look amazing,” Harry groaned, placing a quick kiss on his lips before sliding down the long, slender legs. “Do you know how good you looked when I realized you were wearing Pansy’s shorts and my hoodie? You’re perfect.”

“Shut it,” Draco mumbled, his face flushing an attractive shade of pink. “I told you not to mention it.”

“Mhmm,” Harry didn’t bother anymore with a proper response, instead choosing to place a kiss on his ankle while using his other hand to trace patterns on the sensitive spot above the back of Draco’s knee, taking note of every reaction to the most sensitive parts. 

“Harry,” Draco whimpered, squirming a bit. Harry held him down so that he could take his time exploring every inch of Draco’s exposed skin.

He began kissing upwards, his hand moving along with him until they reached the base of the cotton shorts, slipping his fingers through to tease circles on the sensitive skin where Draco’s thigh ended, right next to what he knew were his bollocks.

“Your skin is so soft,” Harry whispered, making sure his breath fanned against Draco’s leg, earning himself another stuttered breath. Once he reached the base of the shorts, he transferred his attention to the other leg, giving it the same treatment.

“Are you planning to do that all day?” Draco snapped, flushed all the way down to his chest.

“Well, it’s not every day I get to see you like this, so I might as well enjoy it,” Harry said cheekily before pressing another kiss onto his thigh.

“But Harry,” Draco’s voice was sultry, making Harry pause his actions. “Pansy made me wax everywhere.”

A bunch of images flashed through Harry’s mind at the possibilities of what Draco was implying. “Everywhere?” Harry repeated.

“Yes, everywhere.” It was Draco’s turn to smirk.

“And what if it’s just your legs I like?” Harry teased, though both of them knew he was going to give in real soon.

“I didn’t have my bloody arse hole waxed for nothing, Potter, and I fully intend to use it.” Harry choked on his spit at the sudden brazenness before letting out a laugh.

“Alright, love,” Harry laughed, bringing himself back up until their faces were aligned. “If only to not lay waste to your efforts.”

“Oh, don’t push yourself on my behalf,” Draco rolled his eyes. “I don’t mind going back-”

“No,” Harry interrupted, something possessive rumbling inside him. “It’s no problem, really.”

“Yes, but-”

“Just shut up,” Harry laughed, finally giving in and pressing his lips onto Draco’s. “Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to see proof of your words.”

“Of course,” Draco laughed. And there was skin, so much skin.

And Harry let himself get back to exploring.

-————————————————-

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[underthedekutree]

Young Link might have PTSD - Part 2: Termina is NOT a Parallel World, Technically

This is a continuation of my last post so if you’re seeing this and haven’t read it, go here.

This is the part where I somewhat smoothly segue into Majora’s Mask. Link, lonely and filled with unprocessed trauma, leaves Hyrule in search of Navi. According to most sources (which take from Hyrule Historia probably? don’t quote me on it), Link falls down a hole into Termina, a parallel world to Hyrule, that contains many familiar looking denizens of Hyrule, but playing different roles. And well, if you probably guessed by the title, I have a rather different interpretation.

Okay, so in a nutshell my theory is that Termina is in fact all a dream, kind of like Koholint Island. Except the one dreaming up this world isn’t some deity like the Giants or Skull Kid or the Moon. It’s Link.

(big explainey hoo hah below)

Evidence 1: Link begins the game sleeping. Yes, I know literally every Zelda game begins this way and it’s a whole tradition thing. I am beginning with the weakest points first and working my way up to the strong ones. We’ll get there.

Evidence 2: The reuse of character and environment models from Ocarina of Time. The literal IRL reason for this is of course the game famously being given only one year of production time, which meant that the most practical method was to reuse as much material from MM’s predecessor as possible (eg. Romani Ranch sign is the Kakariko Village sign, and still says Kakariko Village on it). It seems like a rather offhand afterthought for Nintendo to chalk it all up to “oh its just a parallel world like Link to the Past or something. But think of it like this; when we dream, we often see familiar people from throughout our lives put in strange and unexpected situations, like that irritable old farmhand you hated so much is now a depressed circus master for some reason. Dreams don’t make sense. Things you know will mix with other strange inexplicable things, fleeting thoughts in your mind, all roughly tied together by whatever emotions you had been feeling when you went to bed. Malon is split into two people, Romani and Cremia, her older and younger self. This might reflect how Link feels about Malon, that she changed so much in those 7 years that she’s like a different person entirely, that it’s hard for him to process that they are the same, because the change was so shockingly sudden for him.

Evidence 3: Gorons in the snow, Gerudo by the sea. Yes, I know that sounds a lot like good evidence for a parallel world (that’s why the idea is widely accepted in the first place, it has merit), but it also works in as dream world evidence too. As a child, my family was obsessed with skiing. We would go to the same mountain every winter, and we would stay at the same lodge. It almost became like a second home for me. So much so, that one night I dreamed that my house had been replaced by the lodge, so it wasn’t on a snow-capped mountain, but in a bushy Australian suburb. Okay that kinda got off subject but I’m bad at conclusions so in summary Dreams Just Be Like That (tm). You get what I’m saying right? No? Sorry, let’s just move on.

Evidence 4: The Milk Bar. AKA my favourite location in the game! It’s often overlooked as the “haha funny they couldn’t put alcohol in kids game so its kiddy milk hee hee”, but it is actually a strong thematic pillar of Majora’s Mask. As I mentioned in Part 1, if you put a 9 year old in a 16 year old’s body and call him an adult before ripping that all away is probably going to leave the kid with an identity crisis. What is a mature place open at late hours when children are sleeping? A bar. What is a drink associated with the young, being produced for the purpose of helping children grow? Milk. No please don’t go I swear there’s more to this, stay with me. In order to gain access to the bar, Link must prove he is mature enough by wearing a mask, a disguise, like Adult Link is to Young Link. Being adult isn’t earned through years of natural living experience and mental development, it’s a thing you are given by adults to just BE when they deem you worthy, at least from how Link sees it. So that is the amalgamation of dream thoughts that is the Milk Bar. Is it mature? Is it childish? What is the line between the two? Is there one? It’s the culmination of his anxieties and confusions that he doesn’t know how to express. Another, smaller expression of this anxiety is the Clock Town Guards. When Link is a Deku, the guards say they don’t allow children outside the gates. When Link turns back however, the guard goes to stop him because he looks too young, but sees that he has a sword, and lets him pass. Why the sword? Well, in one way this is a callback to Kokiri Forest, where Mido doesn’t let Link see the Deku Tree until he has a sword. But also, what is the item that lets Link travel through time and become an adult in OOT? The Master Sword. Link seems to believe that adulthood is measured by the things you have, physical markers of maturity, which is how lots of children see adulthood. You’re an adult if you can drink, if you’re tall, if you’re married, if you have a house, a car etc. But in reality this isn’t how it works. Heck, I’m technically an adult but I sure as hell don’t feel like one, because I know I still have things to learn about responsibility, patience and all the other things, that can only come with time, which is the moral conclusion of OOT, but clearly Link missed the memo. Don’t get me wrong, there are some indicators to show he’s grown a bit. He can ride Epona, use the bow, do flips like some kind of acrobat etc. But those strange and confused feelings linger, and manifest in the young boy’s dreams.

Evidence 5: The four transformation masks. The four masks represent different aspects of Link’s self, and the way he grew and changed in OOT. Deku Scrub the Innocent, Goron the Confident, Zora the Mature and Fierce Deity the Hero. Link began only knowing the Kokiri Forest, and nothing of the world outside. As he set out on his journey, he grew more confident in his skills and defeated greater foes. When evil took over, he learned from his fatal mistake and worked to right it. And when it was finally time to face the greatest threat, he was ready, with all the heart pieces, bottles full of fairies, Biggoron Sword in hand. At that moment he struck the final blow he probably felt like the strong and unstoppable hero everyone in Hyrule told him he needed to be. And that feeling of pure uncompromising strength, with the whole world behind him, manifested in the Fierce Deity. Fierce Deity is much taller than Adult Link, and packs so much of a punch that he can beat Majora without batting an eye, like some overpowered Super Saiyan. It reminds me a lot of Undertale, with young Asriel becoming what he imagines to be an all-powerful godlike being, like something you’d see as a children’s drawing. Fierce Deity gives off those vibes, like “he has a HUGE SWORD that SHOOTS BEAMS OF LIGHT and he’s 8 FOOT TALL and CAN KILL ENEMIES IN A SINGLE BLOW!!” Before the final battle on the moon, when Majora gives you the mask, he childishly asks if you want to play a game of good guys and bad guys. And the good guy always wins, no matter what. Fierce Deity makes the final boss a cakewalk, but its supposed to.

Evidence 6: Anju and Kafei. Short one, because it falls a lot into everything else I’ve said regarding childhood vs adulthood. Kafei is effectively a switcheroo of what happened to Link in OOT. An adult shrunk back to childhood, uncomfortable in his new body and looking for a way to fix everything. He’s a reflection of how Link now kinda feels like an adult in a child’s body, because he had started to be used to being called an adult.

Evidence 7: The Moon. I haven’t super touched on the main meat of the game yet, so here it is. The moon and the 3 day mechanic is an allegory for constant mounting pressure, that builds and builds, never ceasing, because the world is in danger, and there’s only one person who has been chosen to save it. I’ve always been interested in the Chosen One narrative, and how different media explore the idea of the world’s very existence being pushed onto one person. How at the end of it all, they can never be the same again after all they’ve gone through. When you’re somehow expected to hold up the Moon itself single-handed, and your life and everything you care about suffers because you’re putting everyone else before yourself. That feeling of complete loneliness under a crushing weight, and although other characters may come to help you, in the end its still all down to you, and you never had a choice in any of it, as all the decisions were made by someone else. You must do what they tell you. Believe in yourself, believe...

Evidence 8: Skull Kid. The story goes that long ago in Termina, the Skull Kid and the Giants played together, until one day, the Giants left, leaving the Skull Kid alone and heartbroken, with nobody to turn to. As life moves on, things may change, and people always come and go from your life. Your friend might move overseas, or stop texting you, or you might fall out of friendship after an awkward event from which you could never recover (no, these have totally not all happened to me, shut up i’m fine), or your fairy companion might just disappear without so much as a goodbye after their task is complete. And it feels like you didn’t matter at all. That they never really cared about you, and you’re as easy to drop and move on from as a child’s toy. You might get angry, and want to shut them out, and give them a taste of their own medicine. Majora’s Mask teaches you that this isn’t the case. Life is ever changing, but you will always have the memories of times with your friends, and a chance to make more with new friends, like a sassy talkative fairy sprite and her shy brother or a child made of wood who wants to destroy the world. Friends come from unlikely places, so accept that change will happen and hope that wherever the people you knew are, they’re okay. You’re thinking about them, so they might be thinking about you too. And who knows? Life is unpredictable. They might just come back one day, and it’ll be like they were never gone.

Evidence 9 (the final one, I promise): The Song of Healing. At the end of all things, after losing ones you love, connections to family and friends, memories of things long past... you need time to heal. Link’s journey through Termina is a constant gauntlet of running into his own past traumas, forced to relive them again, and again, and again. But sometimes you should take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, and take time to heal. Although it can be important to confront your fears and learn to surpass them, it is exhausting, and you can end up more emotionally broken than when you started. The three masks all had regrets of powerlessness; unable to protect your community, your loved ones, or even yourself. Troubles you’ve gone through that keep plaguing your mind, and you’re wondering if you’ve done enough, seeking answers where none can be found. And the best thing you can do... is accept and move on. Be kind to yourself, and give yourself time to heal. Link’s way of processing his grief and trauma is to create an entire hellscape world in his own head, but not everyone processes it the same way. Sometimes you feel like you need to busy yourself, or listen to soothing music, or talk to people you trust, or spend copious amounts of money, or make some angst art, or cuddle your plush toys until their stuffing squeezes out. Sometimes life hits you in the face and you want to blame yourself for standing in the firing line, but it’s not your fault. It’s okay to feel however you feel, whether you’re drenched in a pool of tears or you just feel numb, it’s okay and natural. You’re okay. You’re here.

Okay so it got kinda personal at the end there but I hope it was informative, and made you think a little bit differently about Majora’s Mask and Ocarina of Time. You probably want to go back and play them now. Me too.

So was this all just an excuse for me to gush about how cool Majora’s Mask is? Hell fucking yes it was. Congratulations for making it through my monstrous ramblings, you get the secret prize of looking at my weird art on my DA. Here you go. Have a nice day, Zelda Nerds.

[misscellophane-ao3]

Title - Peter’s a dad!? (Also on Ao3)

Request by - Rae (Anon) on AO3

Request summary - Peter's friends/classmates or maybe school? Find out that Mai is his daughter? Like some are supportive but maybe there's a bit if angst but super fluffy PK family moments? (Set in my AOMPK au)

Pairing - Parkner (Harley Keener x Peter Parker)

Warnings - Light cursing

Words - 2371

Story -

There was something about Peter Parker, Betty thought to herself, Something odd. It wasn’t a bad odd, just a sort of ‘huh, that guy must be hiding something’ kind of odd.

She wasn’t friends with Peter but she did talk to him sometimes and she was close to Ned who was Peter’s best friend, so she probably knew him better than the others in the team bar MJ and Ned.

Which just made the conversation she heard even weirder.

“-can’t say no to her. Seriously, she could ask Harley to take over the world and he would.” Peter huffed.

Harley? She remembers the name from their field trip a few weeks ago. He was Peter’s boyfriend, right?

Ned had snickered at that, picking up a fry from his tray “And you wouldn’t? Mr. you can’t have any more cookies but I suppose I can make an exception this one time that turns into every time?”

Peter rolled his eyes “First off, That is a really long name. Second, have you seen her? She’s adorable. She could probably get Fisk to turn himself in with just a look.”

”I can’t believe you took so long to tell me.”

”How was I supposed to tell you? Hey Ned, guess what? You’re technically an uncle.” Peter did short jazz hands, “How would you suggest I had explained it?”

Ned snorted, shaking his head with amusement.

”Hey, we are still in the lunchroom.” MJ cut in, dryly, “Unless you want the whole school to know.”

Both Peter and Ned sheepishly apologized but Betty’s brain was already working double time.

Uncle? Does Peter have a kid? Since when? Who was the mother? Was it his? Betty was going to find out. Only because once her curiosity was peaked it was hard to let the topic go.

And finding out a schoolmate, let alone Peter Parker, has a kid was tugging at her curiosity. So to sate it, she decided to ask around. She decided to start with her teammates at AcaDec practice that day. It wasn't a mandatory practice so very few people actually showed up, The only ones there being, Betty, Abe, Cindy, Sally, and Flash. They were in the gym waiting on Peter, Ned, and Mj to show up. Mr.Harrington was sitting near the back of the room grading papers.

“Have you seen anything weird with Peter recently?”

“Why are you asking?” Abe asked cautiously. It was never a good thing when Betty was interrogating people.

”I’m just curious, is all.” She frowned, “Can I not be curious?”

”You? No.” Sally stated, “You’re never just curious.”

Cindy nodded in agreement, “Why are you asking about Peter anyway?”

”I told you! I’m just curious!”

Cindy gasped “Do you have a crush on him?”

Betty shook her head rapidly “No! I just-“ she paused then sighed, “I heard him talking to Ned at lunch yesterday and it-“ she pressed her lips together, unsure if she should even tell them.

”It what?” Abe questioned.

Crap. What does she do? She didn't want to out Peter on accident but she was so curious!

"Just,you know, was weird. I don't know. That's why I'm asking." Betty replied with a hopefully casual wave of her hand.

"Why would you want to know about Parker?" Flash scoffed from a few seats away, Betty sighed.

"Unlike you Flash, Peter is friends with us." Sally shot back, annoyed, "And he's pretty cool too." She added pointedly.

"Yeah right." He scoffed but didn't say anything else, thankfully.

Betty ignored Flash and turned to Cindy, "What about you? You sit behind him during first period."

Before she could reply the doors to the gym opened and the three other members of their team showed up. MJ glanced around the group, frowning.

"Nobody else?" She huffed, rolling her eyes, "Well, this isn't a mandatory practice. Whatever, I'll just make them do extra practice next time." She looked over the group, "Get into teams. We're gonna be practicing response time today." Everyone hurried into their seats.

Betty mentally groaned at the loss of opportunity but then perked up as she realized she was sitting next to Ned and Peter. Hopefully, she’ll overhear something soon.

The practice went on for about thirty minutes before they were interrupted by a loud ringing.

“Sorry!”

They all turned to see Peter fumbling to grab his phone. Betty perked up instantly. Maybe this was her chance?

Mr.Harrison sighed “Parker, turn your phone off.”

Oh, right. Practice. Dang it, She’ll never find out at this rate.

Peter nodded, glanced at his phone, the shook his head, standing up, “Sorry, Mr.Harrington but I got to take this.”

Betty perked up again. Or maybe she will.

He headed to the edge of the stage, answering his phone before their teacher could stop him.

Due to how quiet it was, they could all hear him talking on the phone, the other side of the conversation though was muted.

”What happened?” The words came off worried. Whatever the other replied caused Peter to breathed out heavily and run a hand through his hair, relieved.

”Oh, is she okay?” A pause, “Fuck. Okay, just-“ he glanced back at them briefly, “I can’t really leave right now. Is it bad? No? Good, that’s good. I'm glad she's okay. What was she even doing?”

Another pause then a disbelieving, “What?” Peter shook his head and groaned, “I thought I told her to wait. Hey! Why is she my kid when she does something stupid? You are just as likely to fuck uhhh,” Peter trailed off, his expression softened as the phone was presumably handed off, “Hey, Mai. How’s the hand?”

Mai? That’s the name of the girl from the field trip. Why was Peter talking to her?

”No, I’m not mad. Just- I told you to wait for me or Harley. I know. I know. You were excited but you could have really hurt yourself.”

Peter’s lip twitched upwards “Yeah, I know. Look, how about I stop and get you some ice cream and you promise to wait next time?”

Peter hummed “New Legos? I don’t know. You did break the rules.” Peter lightly teased, “But fine, just this once.” His expression turned disapproving, “But you have to promise to wait next time. Yeah? Okay, okay. Good. I’ll see you when I get home. See you, sweetie.”

The phone was handed off again, “Like you aren’t?” He shook his head, “We can talk about this later, I gotta go. MJ is giving me the evil eye.” The said brunette rolled her eyes, “Yeah, see you when I get home.” A blush crept up Peter’s face, “Yeah,” he smiled softly, “Love you too.”

He hung up and turned back to the team, tilting his head with confusion when he saw them with their mouths open and eyes wide with puzzled shock bar MJ and Ned, ”What?”

“What the fuck Parker!?” Flash shouted, “Do you have a kid!?”

”Language!” Mr.Harrington said then turned to Peter, “But I must agree. Who was that you were talking to?”

“Oh.” Peter’s blush returned full force, “I can explain.”

He was silent for a long moment.

“I can no longer explain.” He said.

Flash rolled his eyes, “As if you would have a kid anyway. You would need someone who would want to sleep with you first.”

"Mr.Thompson, language."

”You do remember he has a boyfriend right?” Abe said, raising a brow at Flash.

”Unless Parker is secretly a girl, I still don’t see how he could have a kid.”

“That brings up a valid point.” Mr.Harrington turned to Peter, “Is this child your sister? Or just someone you are babysitting?”

Peter opened his mouth then breathed out his nose, “Sorta? I mean-“ he sighed, running a hand through his hair, “Ms.Potts is gonna be pissed.” He murmured before turning back to them.

”You guys remember that girl from the field trip? The one who beat you all at Mario Kart?”

”Yeah. The secret love child of the Avengers.” Sally nods.

”No, She was Peter’s boyfriend’s cousin. Right?” Cindy corrected with a tilt of her head.

“Yeah, her. She’s uh-“ Peter paused then sighed again, “She’s not his cousin. She’s- well, she’s an orphan that Harley and I took in.” He admits quietly.

“What do you mean? What didn’t you take her to foster care?”

Peter shook his head at Mr.Harrington, “Are you kidding? No, look, it’s complicated. Trust me, I can’t tell you everything but Mr.stark agrees it would have been a bad idea. Anyway, the short story is we found her and we took her in. She’s been with us for a few months now. And you guys can’t tell anyone! I’m serious. It could be very dangerous for her if it gets out. Please.” He gave them a pleading look that tugged at Betty’s heart.

Flash still looked doubtful, “And Tony Stark is okay with you just having a five-year-old in his tower?”

“She’s four. And yeah. He is.”

“What was that phone call about?” Sally asked curiously, changing the topic.

”Oh,” a look of fond annoyance flicked through Peter’s eyes, “Mai accidentally hurt herself trying to make something. It’s wasn’t too bad. She just nicked her hand a bit." Peter rolled his eyes fondly, "She was just super excited and opened the box without anyone there, cut herself with the box and freaked out Harley when he walked in and saw her bleeding. She'll be okay though."

"That's good." Cindy slumped into her chair, they were all obviously relieved to hear the little girl was okay.

Betty hummed, "So that's who you and Ned were talking about at lunch?"

MJ gave Ned and Peter a pointed look.

"You, uh, heard that?" Ned asked sheepishly.

Betty nodded, "It was bugging me all day!" She admits.

Peter glanced around the room, "You guys, won't tell anyone right? I'm not kidding when I said it'd be dangerous for her."

"I won't say a word," Cindy promised, Sally and Abe agreed easily.

Betty shrugged herself, "I'm satisfied just knowing." She smiled at them.

Mr.Harrington and Flash looked the most hesitant, Well, Mr.Harrington did, Flash just looked doubtful.

"Come on Flash," Peter says, "I don't care if you don't believe me. Just-Don't tell anyone about her? Please?"

Flash pressed his lips together, "I don't know."

"What do you want?" Peter asked, deadpan.

Flash shrugged, "I never did get to finish that tour."

"You were a dick!" Ned exclaimed.

Flash kept his eyes on Peter "Well, Parker?"

"Will you kept quiet?" Peter prompted, Flash nodded.

"You can't seriously be thinking about agreeing," Abe says puzzled.

Everybody knew Flash bullied Peter, he'd gotten a little better over the past few weeks but he was still a bully.

Peter and Flash locked eyes, staring at each other for a long tense moment. 

Something must have happened in that nonverbal interaction though because Peter pressed his lips together, breathed in deeply, then, looking like he was regretting the words that were about to come out of his mouth, said, "You can come over to the tower this weekend. If you promise not to tell anyone." Peter offered, "We can do whatever you want that doesn't have to do with the labs. Tony would never let you back in those."

"What? Peter!" Ned complained.

Flash crossed his arms, "Will that girl kick me again?"

Betty pressed a hand to her mouth to keep from laughing. That was a great memory. She shared an amused look with Abe and Cindy.

"Will you be a dick?" Peter shot back.

Mr.Harrignton opened his mouth, probably to chide Peter for his language before he seemed to just give up, slumping against his chair and rubbing his temples.

Once again, Flash and Peter stared at each other, neither seemingly willing to give in. Then, Flash blinked and leaned back in his seat.

"Fine. But if I get threatened again, I'm out."

"Trust me, They won't settle for just threatening you this time if you did something," Peter replied idly, a glint of amusement in his eyes.

Flash paled a little before he huffed, "Whatever. I'll be by this weekend."

"Alright. Deal." Peter turned to Mr.Harrington, tilting his head questioningly.

Mr.Harrington waved his hand, "I'd rather not deal with a lawsuit, thanks." And that was it.

MJ cleared her throat and got everybody back to practice. Betty, though, was glad she finally got her answer.

...

”So, how was school today?” Tony asked during dinner. It was just Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, Peter, Harley, and Mai there tonight as the others were either busy or off-world.

”The team found out about Mai.” Peter said, taking a bite of chicken.

”I thought they already knew about her due to that field trip?” Pepper asked.

”Yeah, but now they know Harley and I are taking care of her and she’s not Harley’s cousin we were babysitting.”

"How'd that happened?" Harley frowned, Peter shot him a look.

"Someone just so happened to call me during practice freaking out about a paper cut. Right, Mai." Peter tickled her stomach making her laugh.

"Yeah!" She agreed, waving her hand. It really wasn't that big a cut, but it was on her palm which made it hard for her to hold things. Thankfully, It should heal in a few days according to Dr.Cho.

"Ah, oops?" Harley grinned sheepishly, Mai giggled again.

"Do we have to make them sign NDA's?" Rhodey questioned cautiously, Peter and Harley may not be Tony's biological kids but that didn't mean Rhodey couldn't care for them as his nephews.

Peter shook his head, "I don't think so. It should be fine. I trust them." He smiled fondly as he watched Harley help Mai cut her chicken.

Pepper nodded, "I'll get some paperwork ready anyway. Don't want to risk it." Her tone brokered no arguments.

Peter nodded, "Okay. Fair enough. Oh, also," He perked up, a mischievous glint in his eyes, "Flash is coming over this weekend."

Harley, Tony, and Rhodey all choked on their food as Pepper and Mai blinked at him.

"What!?" The three guys exclaimed together.

Peter casually sipped his soda, hiding a grin.

[shesawriter39049]

|THE PLUG|M|JIMIN|3|

SMUT/ANGST

***While out at a bar…one of Jimin’s “customers” finds out the hard way that he’s not one to be fucked with! And you find out he looks reallyyyy hot when he’s angry! Like..let’s have sex in the bathroom hot***

-JIMIN’S YOUR PLUG…AND HE’S KIDNA BECOMING YOUR MANS!

The OC is finally getting to see him in his...element...but can she handle it?

Dark haired Jimin has arrived…

The OC is officially his baby, he’s soo damn soft for her

Jimin’s smooth and fine AF and he knows it

Tatted and pierced Jimin’

Slight cliffhanger.....

7k -

***This can be read as a stand-alone, without confusion but the topic of “TIM” which is discussed towards the end... Won’t have the same effect....until you go back to the previous chapter! ***

NOTE- I’m not sexualizing violence, what I AM saying is, yes it’s sexy when your partner can hold their own when provoked. Let’s be real nobody wants to see their man get his ass beat!

WARNINGS:Bathroom/ Public sex,Dom Jimin, Oral  I.E you let Jimin fuck your throat, then he goes down on you from the back, Dirty talk, Overstimulation, Light praise kink, Light daddy kink, Implied cumplay (it will make sense once you read it) A ton of teasing prior too soo ugh yeah, have at it!  

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“Do you ladies mind if we join you?” The sound of his voice alone had you shifting in your seat, a slight arch curling up your spine, subtly crossing your legs, butterflies forming in the pit of your stomach. Well, isn't this a pleasant little surprise? Already well aware of who it was before you even turned around, there was only one person that could have this kind of effect on you without even seeing their damn face.

Trying to play it cool as your gaze fluttered to your left, eyeing him under your full set of lashes though you failed miserably! Once your eyes finally took him in, like..really took him in, it’s just...fuck it’s only been two days...since you’d seen him! Two fucking days man! Apparently, within those two days, Jimin decided to wake up and choose violence, and his main attack was apparently opting against being a bottle blonde. Obviously, you knew that wasn’t his natural color, I mean...duh, but that's the only one you've ever known when it comes to his appearance.

And if you thought that look was lethal apprently you aint seen shit yet..

Currently standing in front of you with an almost jet black mane of hair on his head, holding it’s usual slightly tousled look, a couple pieces falling in his face. Though you can’t even deny how much healthier it looks, full of volume, damn near a Panteene commercial at this point! The dark contrast only amplified his features especially his cherry-stained lips and caramel complexion. Bouncing against a barely buttoned leopard dress shirt and distressed black jeans, you had to give it to him, Jimin had style. He’s a subtle flexer if you will, far from the stereotype that probably pops in your mind when you think of your “Local plug” A little less gaudy monogram designer, and a little more... Urban Outfitter. He didn’t want you to look at him and just “know” who he was or what he did…

I’ll tell you one thing, there wasn’t a damn thing subtle about how hard you were staring, eyes undressing him from head to toe without even trying. A slight hiss leaving your lips in the process, the smirk on his face proved he was pleased..gazing back at you, eyes demanding your undivided attention which you gave effortlessly. Head cocked to the side as he appraises you, piercing teasing at the corner of his mouth as it runs along his bottom lip. 

“Hi” Lashes fluttering in there direction, Melissa’s delivery was strong enough for both of you and you didn't blame her, I mean fuck, you really couldn't! Not when he was standing in front of you looking like the whole damn menu and the dinner mint! He was also accompanied by an equally attractive slightly taller gentlemen, dark wavy hair, dressed in all black. Thankfully he seemed to be the one she was automatically drawn too, would've been kinda awkward if her eyes swayed in the other direction.

“This is Tae, and I’m Jimin…” Licking his lips slowly teeth grazing his bottom lip, eyes locked and loaded in your direction, this man just really wasn’t trying to give you room to breahe! Just permanently keeping his foot on your neck and there wasn’t shit you could do about it. Thankfully your already sitting, so he can’t tell your knees are knocking together. Though, you already knew the game you just walked into, almost feeling like an unintentional form of roll play if you will. As both of you decided to keep this very, very low key until you figured out what “This” actually is.

“Melissa..”

“Y/n..” Purred off your tongue, casually flipping your hair over your shoulder, cocking your head to the side slightly as you continued eye fucking the hell out of him. Let’s just say you were a little more than thankful that this was just a little “Game” and Jimin’s already going home with you tonight if you even let him make it that far. Thighs already humming, you’d be down to bend over the bartop right now to be honest, fuck before the nights over you just might.

A pleased little humm leaves his lips in response, eyes flickering down to your almost empty martini glass. Bracing his weight on the bartop, diaglog to yours, fingers gently grazing your arm.Blunt nails teasing against your skin in the process...

“Aye Kol,” Flicking his head twords the four of you, indicating he wanted the bartendrs attention. “Let me getttt..mmm” Whisitling absently filling the silence while he contemplates on his posion of choice. Though all your thinking about is how good his lips look pouted out like that, and the way they feel wrapped around your-

“Four shots of Don..add it to my tab... “ Eyes drifting away from the bartender, only to shamelessly let his gaze drop down to your breast which you currently sitting and on full display in your LBD. “You are absolutely stunning by the way…”  A slight smile tugging on his lips as he raked his fingers through his hair. Casually invading your space placing a thigh between your legs just enough for his cologne and body heat to slowly consume you. I swear your a second away from melting against your seat as we speak! There was just something about the current gleam that laced within those big puppy dog eyes of his that just had you melting in your seat.

You couldn't even help the giddy, almost nervous chuckle that left your lips at that, feeling almost uncomfortably flustered actually, finding it hard to even hold steady eye contact with the man before you. 

Jimin shakes his head absently “Fuck adorable” Rolls off his lips low and warm, more so for him than anyone else, though you heard and it instantly rips you right out of whatever little world you were just floating in. Smacking him in the chest playfully, eyes rolling with all the sass in the world which only has him smiling even wider. So fuckin fond it’s ridiculous! 

I guess becase in all actuality the two of you technically skipped this phase in a sense. So having Jimin walk up to you at a bar, smooth as can be, flirting as if it was his first time meeting you, as if he was trying to make a lasting impression, was one of the sexiest things he’s ever done.

Before you could even respond the drinks were placed in front of you,and these were the biggest “shot” glasses you’d ever seen but okay, pop off I guess. Nose burning from the smell alone, a second a way from growing chest hair.

 “Are we toasting to anything?” Your eyes snapped in his direction and holyshit, that was the first time you heard this Tae human speak and his voice did NOT match his face! Like at all...the deep baritone caught you completely off guard, and that was clearly all it took before Mel was damn near in his lap doubling over.

Jimin shrugged short and nonchalant, waving the class around as he speaks ”Shit why not..” Pausing so you could all raise your glasses “Here's to us having a damn good night” Eyes wandering in your direction, gaze dropping, right along with his voice...  “...with two beautiful women…” Yup, theres a slight chill moving up your spine.

“Ohhh” Eyes flickering between both men “The toast is in our honor? Aren't you charming” Mel bit back playfully, something a little wicked playing within her iris which earned a quick wink from Jimin. Leaning in to click your glasses together,taking it straight to the head and instantly regretting the shot all in one gulp! Chest burning slightly once it slid down your throat, you watched Jimin bite into the lime with a smirk, clearly liquor was equivalent to water when it comes to him. He didn't even flinch, just as you were about to grab yours he grabbed your jaw, holding it ajar as he slid his tongue into your mouth. Letting the two of you volley the tiny piece of lime against your tongues before he ultimately ended up swallowing it. A slight moan leaving your chest as you relaxed into him the bitterness of the lime and tequila melting along his tongue.

Before you even knew it, your hands are hangled in the hair at the nape of his neck, he was pulling a way and you were damn near chasing after him. “God I can’t wait to take you home…” Slurred off his tongue, never fully pulling away from you..the admission ripped a smile from your lips.

“Who's to say I’m going home with you?” Eyes heady and full of mirth as you rake your nails down his neck “We just met sir…” Breaking away from the kiss, reclining in your seat,lashes fluttering up at him far to innocently for overall motive. Coly teasing the pointe of your stiletto up his inner thigh and the level of smugness that curled up his face let you know you really didn't wanna hear a damn thing he had to say.

Leaning down so his lips were brushing over yours, halting your motion, with a  hand firm around your thigh, spreading them apart slightlu. Teasing towards your heat which you know actualy feels like heat because your currently sitting here clenching around fucking imagination as his hands briuse against your skin. Fingers trickling up twiards the edge of your panties, toying ith the lace,and it took every once of self contraol not to grind into his hand. Not that  You already knew he got what he wanted, you were already wet … question answered! Brow arched arrogantly, pulling back signaling for you to hop off the barstool.

Casually dusting his tongue over his fingertips though you know in all actuality theres nothin there...but fuck man!

“That’s, how I know your going wherever the fuck I want you too…” Grabbing your hand to pull you in front of him before letting his hands find their home on your waist. Leaning don to pres another firm kiss along your lips. Now that ”Introductions” Where out of the way, Jimin didn't need to censor himself anymore. Realistically if you really had just met..this is the perfect setting for the two of you to be all over each other with no questions asked. “

“Aye Tae” flicking his head to the side slightly gesturing he wanted them to leave, Jimin lead the way..guiding your hips where he wanted you to go.

“Sooo, is this the part where you actually do something about the current situation you caused between my thighs orr”  Tilting your head up so your lips brushed against his ear, nipping the lobe between your teeth, the bite wasn’t the most playful to be honest, he sensed how impatient you already where. Not that he cared, Jimin loved getting you riled up, needy, begging...all the things you hate because you HATE to be teased.

A low chuckle rumbled in his chest, hands stroking up your sides, nosing at the rook of your neck “Not yet baby...daddy still has some business to handle first…” Fingers trickling down your forearm before intertwining your fingers, leading you through the sea of people. 

Business? What kinda business are you handling at Orleans on a Thursday night? You knew better than to ask, so you just conuntied walking. You weren’t expecting to see him until close to midnight. if you even saw him at all so just his presence alone was welcomed, sexual or not!  

Jimin lead the four of you to this area in the back of the bar, it was tucked into a niche within the wall, you’d noticed it before typically reserved for private parties. Once you enter you see about 10 people spread out around the black leather couches, a couple bottles sitting in the middle. The majority of them were girls, as expected but that’s when you realize you've seen this group of guys around before..with Jimin actually. Eight months ago at Jhonnys wasn't the first time you’d ever seen him it was just the first time the two of you actually spoke. Considering these faces were very familiar you couldn't help but wonder if two of them where Yoongi and Namjoon, especially considering the way they looked at you. As if they knew you weren’t just some random chick from the bar that Jimin planned to take home for a one night stand! A combination of a smile and a smirk tugged on there lips as you walked past.

“Business” Is exactly what this was though...a business outing if you will, Jimin was here for a reason, more than just drinks and domb brick oven pizzas! Since he lives almost 40 minutes away from where it appears he does most of his business which is probably intentional and really smart actually. Once or twice a month to cut down on the commute he stays stationary in a public..crowded place, like a bar or a club...and make himself accessible to his regulars. That’s also the reason he’s not alone..why he has backup if need be!

Giving daps to a couple of the guys sitting around, you noticed the way some of the girls attempted to size you up. Not that you gave less than a damn, flipping your hair over your shoulder as you swayed in Jimin direction. Little did you know they all took turns throwing themselves at him one by one  and he respectfully declined...nothing but salt dusting along there face.

Letting your hips get lost in the music as a mix of “LUV” By Tory Lanze came on...dancing your way back to him, eyes trailing you before head to toe. “Come’re” Biting down on his bottom lip as he signaled for you to follow him as he walked backwards. Actually he swayed backwards, body rolling effortlessly against the beat, luring you away from the group.  Leading you towards the back of the room until he was happy with the amount of ‘Privacy” the two of you had, pulling your waist against his, until your lashes were almost touching. Eyes leveled, while both of you found the rhythm of the song. One thing you knew for damn sure is Jimin could dance, and he danced just as smooth as he fucked! You found that out the first night you met him, in a setting very similar to this actually, pressed against one another in the back of a bar, grinding the night away.

He was a smooth, effortlessly sexy.. he knew how to grind against you without just slamming his hips into you, like he was playing bumper cars! The dim lighting in the bar only added to the overall aesthetic. Adding the perfect glow to both of your skin, making you look even more alluring than usual..almost mysterious the way the lights hit your features.  Brining your hands up to caress the back of his neck, eyes prying into Jimin’s merrsically as you rolled your hips with the beat. Effortlessly matching your rhythm with his hips as they swayed along with yours, letting you take the lead for now. Lips purposely ghosting over yours, refusing to give you what you needed..just enough to drive you insane.

Jimin’s hands were itching to get closer to you, soothing them down to take a possessive hold on the curve of your ass. Tiling your lips up to ease at his ear ”I need to feel you closer than that…” Purred off your tongue while your nails clawed at his scalp. Not even bothering to respond, grabbing your wrist to spin you around so your back was flesh against his chest..ass at perfect height to grind against his hips. Resting your head on his shoulder, gaze slightly hazy, caressing the back of his neck in one hand. Lips trickling up the side of his neck “You look really sexy tonight by the way…” left your lips in nothing but a moan. Pushing your ass back to grind into him even deeper, Jimin's hands taking a firm grip on your waist,

Now it was his turn to be in control.

“Yeah? Is that why you’re practically fucking me right now?” Breath hot and heady against your skin “ You’d let me have you right here wouldn't you?” An all-knowing chuckle rattled through his chest, fingers teasing the hem of your dress, edging it further and further up your waist “ You’d let me do whatever I wanted to you..” Nipping at your ear, guiding your hips to match the deep waves of his, lips panting into the side of your neck.

A low whine leaving your throat, eyes fluttering shut “You already know I would…..fuck your so hard right now…” You could literally feel his dick pressing into your ass, the imprint was so strong you almost questioned if he actually whipped it out! Slipping your hand between the two of you, cupping him in your palm until you were satisfied with the slight whimper that left his throat.  “Thatt’a boy..”

The two of you carried on like that even into the next song,,breathing each other in, hands gripping onto any and everything they could reach. Jimin started whispering in your ear , everything he wanted to do to you tonight everything he was going to do to you tonight, and at that point it was game over! Your entire body was aching for him, one more deep roll of the hips was all it took to snag his last ounce of self control. Swinging you around so your back was flush with the wall “Jimin fuckk-please..” Whined from your lips and you weren’t even sure what you were asking for...were you asking for him to fuck you!? NOW!? In the back of a VIP room..hell yeah you were, a second away from begging for it actually...until

“Tae-TAE! Aye...come’re man, come look at this shit!”

The words, more importantly, the delivery had Jimin halting momentarily, it was actually scary how quickly he could switch gears. While you were left totally breathless and a little confused as he pried his eyes from yours letting them flutter over his shoulder. Observing the way the younger slid Melissa off his lap so he could see what was going on. The voice flooded from behind the set of deep red curtains which acted as the “door” if you will.  Letting your hands smooth up his back, naturally you find yourself intrigued by the situation just as much as Jimin.

“Who is that by the way ” Eyes flickering in the tallers direction observing the way he actually almost appears to be arguing with whoever he’s talking too.

A slight smirk tugging on Jimin’s lips as he brought his focus back to you, caging your body between his and the wall with one deep roll of the hips. Nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck. In an attempt to distract you as he knew you wouldn’t like his response. Trailing open-mouthed kisses down the side of your neck, teasing your skin with the cool metal of his piercing until he pulled a restrained moan from your throat. “Just… one of my boys baby…”

His very VERY vague response triggered an exasperated huff to leave from your chest eyes rolling to the back of your head. This only made Jimin chuckle unbothered as ever, as he continued trailing kisses up the side of your neck.

“Listen, when it comes to my feelings I’m an open book, whatever you want from me you can have.” Pausing slightly smiling at how adorably bratty you looked, a slight pout moving up your face.Flicking at your bottom lip with his thumb, soothing over the soft skin. 

“Buttt, when it comes to my business…” Brow tilited in your direction “For your safety as much as mine…for now…the less you no the better.” Leaning down to place a kiss along your forehead “ He’s a good kid though, if he wasn’t I wouldn’t let him within breathing distance of anyone you know…trust me baby..” Lips heading south until they finally met yours, the strong bite of tequila still laced against your tongue as he kissed you!

You wanted to continue pouting and argue but realistically you had no right so you checked yourself real quick ! This was still fresh, and Jimin’s not some pretty boy in a suit, he’s a pretty boy who also happens to be a drug dealer!

Hands slowly soothing up his chest before letting them have free reign to get lost in his freshly dyed locks! Hiking one of your legs around his waist so his hips could be buried as deep as possible. Yet Jimin couldn't focus, as much as he wanted too..and he really wanted too,he found himself constantly distracted by the bits and pieces of conversation that kept bouncing in and out of his ears! Hoping Tae could handle it on his own, but considering the way things kept escalating he knew he’d be forced to step in..and just like clockwork.

“Nah fuck that! You're not running this game one me! He’s right over there, I’ll just go take my issues up with your boss..” Jimin was waiting for it, it was clear as all hell he wanted to be heard to begin with. “Since you wanna act brand new! AYE PARK!”

Pulling away from you with a growl that made your chest tighten. Tossing his head back, taking a couple slow steady breaths as if he's tryng to recenter himself. Doing some form of inner “Don’t kill this motherfucker” mantra, the pause is so baited it’s almost as if he was debating weather to respond  or not! 

Once Jimin’s eyes fluttered open his entire aura changed withi seconds... “There better be a damn good reason for you to be interrupting me right now...” Gaze daggering in the duo’s direction  jaw tight, brow arched. Gently unwrapping your leg from his waist, ushering you to sit on his lap as he sat on the couch.

“No there's not! Ignore him he’s fucking wasted!” Tae tried, oh he tried, to cut in and end whatever “This” was but clearly that wasn’t happening anytime soon.

“Yes there is-”

“No there’s not-”

‘What the fuck is the issue!? I don't have time for dumbshit.” Though he wasn’t yelling the sudden grit within Jimin’s voice was something completely foreign to you...his demeanor was something completely foreign to you. “Who the hell are you, and what’s your malfunction?? “ Flagging his hand haphazeradly as if to say “Hurry the fuck up!”

A dry scoff left the mans chest at that, almost charging in your direction, Jimin didn't flinch but the grip he held around your waist tightened on instinct. You’d be lying if you said you didn't get a little nervous, body tensing slightly under his hold.

“Fix this shit!” Pouring out an entire eight of weed onto the table...just casually...in the middle of a bar, throwing the black plastic bottle in the process. Making it rithoche off the table, almost hitting you in the face actually, Jimin’s reflexes coming in without a second thought, swatting it out the way.  The way Jimin’s eyes cut into however the hell the idiot was..let you know he just royally fucked up! The sharp breath that slipped past your lips did not go unnoticed…it’s like the sound suddenly set a bomb off inside Jimin’s head.

“Joon…” Sliding you off his lap gently almost ushering you to the left, but it was clear you had no idea what he wanted that’s when Namjoon spoke up.

“Over here sweetheart..” Signalling for you to sit next to him, the warmest smile on his face, his gesture not at all matching the setting, but you couldn't complain. His voice extremely soothing which helped since you were feeling a little more than uncomfortable right now!

“Min, Escort all of the ladies out of the room please…..”

Jimin’s delivery mirrored Namjoons, calm, collected, unbothered actually... which had you questioning if stuff like this was a common occurrence for him! Just as you went to get up Namjoon grabs your wrist.”Not you..stay where I can see you love…”

Ohh..Ohhh..Kay??! I mean to be fair you’d prefer not to be here right now but sure okay!

Mellissa’s eyes searched yours cautiously because again, she didn't know your history with Jimin but you flagged her along. Thankfully Tae whispered something that must've put her at ease because she left.

Jimin's eyes cut down to all the contorbant lying out in front of him, he knew it would only be minutes before the smell flooded the entire back area of the bar. His crop was cured to perfection, every batch.

“I paid for an eighter , look at that shit! That’s not a fuckin eighth...I want my shit fixed, and weighed out in my damn face!”

A sigh of almost embarrassment left your chest at that, you could see the issue off rip, so could Jimin.  Outside of the fact that you could literally smell the cheap vodka pouring off his tongue as he spoke…Whatever strand he got was dense...so on the surface until it’s broken apart it may not “look” like an eighth. That’s why you weigh your weed...the nugs weren’t even open. All he did was open the cup ...poured it out ...and bitch!

Jimin raised up from his seat slowly, walking in his direction, nodding actually..almost as if he was genuinely taking in what this guy had to say. Not stopping until the pair were eye level, yet surprisingly whoever this dude was, he didn't back down. Eyes narrowing in Jimin’s direction, as you sat back anxiously, waiting  for someone to say something!

“Get the fuck outta my face.” You damn near choked when you heard that,who the hell is this man and where's Jimin!?

 “After all that...” Flicking his hand around as if to reiterate all the previous bullshit as he pointed down at the table “I don't give a fuck what you paid for what you THINK your missin!” You could see his jaw twitch from where you were sitting, you’d never heard his voice that dark, stern, this level of dominance was a completely 360 of what he’s like in the bedroom. This was “The Plug Jimin”,  the one that lies beneath the pretty face when you push his buttons...and he was a different type of beast, literally!

“I just paid your boy $80.00, weigh my shit and fix it! I’m not fuckin leaving until you do...I got all night” Shoulder taut, chest puffed, though he still looks a tab bit ublanaced, you could probably knock him over right now. 

An almost inconvience sigh leaves Jimin’s throat, merely risiting the urge to smooth out the crease forming between his brows“I’m not askin. But for the record, what you paid for is lying on the table…” Pointing at the gangle of weed just chillin, again in the middle  “And that’s exactly where it’s gonna stay-”

“The fuck if it is …” Pressing both hands firm against Jimin’s chest, not knocking him back hard enough to earn the reaction he was clearly looking for though!

“Oh shit…” Accidently slipped past your lips thankfully in nothing but a whisper but Namjoon heard you, a low chuckle forming in his chest.

Leaning over to whisper in your ear ‘Yeah, he’s fucked…”

Jimin stagers back into frame, fingers clenched at his sides..“You came in here, disrespected me and my space, threw a bottle that almost hit my girl in the face…” There was a slight pause and you swore you heart about fell out of your ass, did Jimin just call you

  “His girl”!?

‘And you think I give a flying fuck about your eighth?” Head cocked to the side, looking genuinely perplexed as he posed the question “Again. Get. The. Fuck.Out.Of.My.Face.” Jimin’s push had more impact, damn near shoving him out of the room

At this point Tae stepped in standing in between them holding Jimin's arm slightly once he noticed the guy attempt to walk back in.

Ohhhhkay, now you were nervous, I mean you assumed Jmin could fight right!?HE IS a drug dealer pretty boy or not he has to be able to hold his own right!? RIGHT!?

“So this is the way you run business Park?” He has the nerve to look amused, a dirty little smirk tugging on his lips “Pulling slick shit on your customers ?! What you thought you could scam the white boy from the burbs and I wouldn’t notice? That's a bitch ass move even for you!” An arrogant chuckle leaving his throat “I bet you Tim’s reallllllllll  fuckin proud, such a fuckin joke!” Shaking his head mockingly…

Did he just!? Tim? Really!? Hell you were ready to knock his ass out yourself at this point, you wouldn’t even fault Jimin for whatever happens next! EVEN if he swings first, drunk or not there’s fucking boundaries!

Tae could feel Jimin’s body go completely rigid, it was almost scary how quickly he switched from frustrated to straight furry. Jaw sitting so tight yours was throbing at just the site alone, “What the fuck did you just say!?” You swore Jimin’s eyebrow was damn near touching his hairline it was quirked so strong, God you were hoping he wasn’t stupid enough to respond..the shit-eating grin and arrogant chuckle that feel from his lips said otherwise though...

“I said-“ The smile was knocked right off his face , literally Jimin's fist connected with his jaw so hard you almost felt the need to stroke your own! Especially with the amount of rings he had on, you knew that impact was nasty as he hit the floor, the little shit was resilient though! He tried to pop back up and Jimin literally pounced on him, you weren't even concerned or scared anymore you were lowkey cheering him on in your head! Not saying you want to see anyone get physically abused but fuck, he knew what button he was pushing when he mentioned Tim’s name and that’s exactly why he did it. He wanted this kind of reaction from Jimin, maybe he felt as though that was his “Win” if you will, being able to pull Jimin out of his typical calm, restrained persona! Well, you won...now you get to get your ass beat, and go home weedless so good on you sir good on you!

All you could hear was blow by blow, as Jimin’s fist repeatedly connected to his jaw, each grunt that left Jimin's chest deeper and darker than the last! The boys had somehow managed to step out into the main area which is what caught the bouncers attention. Jimin’s men were the ones prying at him, while security tried to free whoever this clown was from Jimin's wrath. It was clear at that point he gave up, not even trying to fight back.Your first instinct was to try and hide the weed that was literally laying across the table because you didn’t know his relationship with the club employees. The last thing you wanted was for Jimin to possibly get arrested thanks to whoever this asshole was!

That’s when you realized the guards were calling him by his name, which let you know they were very comfortable with Jimin, even there tone as they tried to calm him down. All you could hear was them saying was different variations of  “Relax man, relax, he ain't even worth it!!”.  

To be honest, it seemed as though Tae and yourself were on the same page as he was only half heartedly helping! Jimin was clawing at every piece of clothing he could reach, he was not trying to let this man walk free. What made it even worse is it was like he enjoyed this? You swore you could still see that shit  eating grin on his face once they finally pried Jimin off! A gritty chuckle leaving his lips as he spit on the floor nothing but blood leaving his lips, aiming in Jimin’s direction. “Bitch” Slipped past his lips, as they rangled him to his feet, funny how that's the first thing to leave his lips as he just got his ass beat!

Yoongi ended up being the one to actually get Jimin to let up, arm wrapped around the front of his chest, pulling his backwards by shoulder. Finally able to see how hard Jimin was panting as Yoongi whispered something in his ear which you assumed was in Korean because you couldn't even remotely understand what was said.

“Get him the fuck outta here!!” Growled from Yoongi’s chest with so much rage,and unrefined emotion,and that alone let you know how much he cared about Jimin. You could feel his anger as held his friend, who finally appeared to be calming down. Reclining almost fully into the man behind him, essentially dead weight as he tried to calm his body down. Not even notcing once the bouncers pulled the “customer” out of the room, he was still yelling some obsenary but that this point nobody even cared enough to feed into it! The room slowly started to clear out, I guess everyone got the unspoken memo to give the two of you some space! The air felt almost suffocating once they all left, not sure what to say, or how to approach him after what just took place.

Jimin just stood in the middle of the room for a minute, hands braced on his hips, head slouched slightly as he tried to pull himself together. Little did you know he was actually nervous, wondering if he just comepley shattered any and every chance he had with you after what just happened! Walking over to plop down next to you on the couch panting heavily, ruffling his fingers through his slightly damp locks. For some reason the minute he sat down, you could sense his body language, how uneasy he felt, so you made the first move. Silently playing with the strands of hair behind his ear until his eyes fluttered over at you. Before you even had time to say anything he moved you onto his lap, a slight squeal leaving your lips in surprise. One hand finding its home on the curve of your ass while the other caressed your jaw, a deep exhale leaving his chest before he posed his question.

“You okay?” Tone slightly weary as if he wasn’t sure if he even wanted to know the answer to his own question.

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face as you gazed down at him with nothing but fondness! Already well aware he wasn’t just referring to the bottle almost hitting your face he meant in general, especially where he was concerned!

Leaning down to kiss his nose, not even caring that he was slightly sweaty, keeping your lips in place for a moment, feeling the way his entire body lax around you. “I’m good baby…. but I’m also an educated weed  ...connoisseur, who understands density levels...within different strands soooo.....”

The ugliest cackle ripped from Jimin’s lips at that tossing his head back in pure amusement, the entire vibe took a complete 360 which is exactly what you were aiming for! Yeah, shit got crazy, your original plan when leaving the house was just to grab some drinks with your girl but hell here you are!

The smile that laid along his face was short lived,it was written all over his face how mentally and physically disturbid his spirit was! And it had nothing to do with the fight and everything to do with you, cocking his head to the side slightly so his eyes could lock with yours....

 “I know-I don’t get to pick and choose but fuck, I really didn't want this to happen this way, I keep telling you “For you safety the less you know the better” yet... I damn near walked you straight into it tonight! You didin’t ask for this shit!” You could hear how frustrated he was with himself as he spoke, tone getting extremely gritty!  “I-You sure your okay? You sure your still down for all this?” The intinisty that laid within his eyes as he said that was almost stiffeling, Jimin was searching for even a flicker of uncertainty. He wouldn’t find it though,your mind was already made up! “I wouldn't blame you if you weren't at this point!You havent even gone a full month with me and your watching me step out of character on some dumb shit!” 

God you hated how hard he was being on himself right now, especially considering tonights circumstances “I literally got into a fight because some drunk idiot can’t weigh his own weed, and I physically brought you right in the middle of it, I told myself to leave you alone. Let you just chill with your girls but I just-couldn’t” Shaking his head in almost disgust as he relived the past half hour in his head,hearing how shaky and vunerable he sounds had your heart sinking “Fuck- I dont know, I don’t even knnow what I’m trying to say right now, I mean I can’t apolgize because this is my life, yet I feel like I owe you one…” Tossing his head back ruffling his fingers through his scalp hastily.

Jimin’s never promised you rainbows and butterflies, and he damn sure never once sugarcoated his lifestyle!  All he promised you was him...all of him, and he’s delivered every time! Cupping his jaw between the palm of your hands “Jimin, baby stop, I’m not goin anywhere.... don’t worry about me, I’m a big girl! I got this, plus “that” Gesturing at the weed still sprawled out along the table “ Was NOT your fault, the last thing you owe me is an apology,that asshole deserved everything he got! You warned me what I was stepping into with you, I CHOSE, to say yes, nobody forced me into this...and I still want it , I still want you! You never promised me a cake walk... you promised me you...as long as you give me that, I’ll figure the rest out on my own!”

You could litterally feel the tension leave his body as he melted into the couch while you soothed your palms, down the side of his neck, over to his chest, fuck he was so damn soft for you! You could see it in his eyes how much that confirmation meant to him, taking your hand in his, kissing the back of your palm. “Thank you” fell from his lips in nothing but whisper.”You already know you got me, in anyway you want me....I told you..you can have anything you want from me” Pulling you down for a kiss, just letting his lips linger against yours...not in any rush to do much else, he just wanted to feel you!

That alone had you moaning into his mouth, he had you wrapped around his finger jus as much as you did him! “I’ve missed you by the way, my beds been a little lonely” letting your hands have free reign under his shirt, your warmth pressing against his skin. “Plus.” leaning down to bury your face in the crook of his neck “I really want your dick in my mouth..,I still can’t get over how sexy you look when your angry... ” Sinking your teeth into “Your spot”, with a moan grinding your hips down into him.

“Babyyy, fuck” Moaned from his lips bucking his hips up into you making sure you felt how hard he was,but more importantly reminding you who was in control .

“You still feel really tense baby...I think we need to do something to release all this pent up adrenaline..” Rolling your hips into him even deeper

“God yes, you dont even know how bad I wanna fuck you...how hard I wanna make you come”  Just like clockwork, bedroom voice activated, panties completely soaked!  “Babyyy let me fuck you!”Not even attempting to pose it as a question because he already knew the anwser!

“Fuck, I’m not stopping you!”

~~~~~~~~

Within minutes your back was slamming against the bathroom stall so hard the divider was shaking, Jimin threw his entire body onto you, as he slid his tongue into your mouth with zero warning. Not even bothering to ease his way into it, he started off deep, needy, both of you needing so much from each other all at once .Hands romaing up your body, hiking your dress above your waist, not even caring to be quiet, if someone heard they heard, fuck it!

His hands were everywhere and so were yours tugging on his hair, his clothes, any and everything you could reach! Damn near ripping his shirt open you were growing so impatient to feel his skin against yours. Guiding your hand down to work his zipper, sliding his jeans down his thighs, while he pulled his shirt off, tossing it to the ground in front of his feet.. ‘Knees baby….” rolled off his tongue and to be honest you couldn't drop down fast enough, you already knew he was rock hard. No “Prep” was needed, this was solely for his pleasure as much as your. Mouth watering the minute you freed him from his boxers, he was thick and veiney, and just fucking perfect.

Glancing up at him almost doe eyed, adding a deep arch into your back as you blew on the tip “Fuck my throat…”

A smirk moved up Jimin’s face at that, letting his hand stroke your cheek“Open up, show me how much you can take baby”

Wrapping your lips around his tip, suctioning your lips around it, slowly massaging the head with your tongue. Eyes fluttering up at him, reaching over to dig your nails into his thigh, until his hand moved over to your hair, moaning out around his length at his tight he gripped your scalp. It was literally throbbing but that's why you wanted, slowly rolling his hips into your mouth “Oh fuckkkk..” head hitting the wall as he felt your jaw lax. Not stopping until he hit the back of your throat, pulling back tentatively, you could feel his muscles tensing beneath your hand. Not expecting you to start off that deep, you decided he needed a little push so you slowly started sucking him deeper, and deeper, until he yanked your head back. Holding you in place the smirk more than evident in your eyes “God I’m gonna fuck you sooo damn hard..” Growled from his lips as he slowly started to roll his hips into your mouth, everytime your mouth came flesh with his pubic boone his hand caressed the back of your head.

“Babbyyyy fuckkkkk” there it was, your favorite sound ...Jimin whining! Glancing up only to find him completely lost in the moment, eyes shut, jaw slightly ajar. His opposite hand soothing it’s way up your back as he started to pick up momentum. Rolling his hips into your mouth at a deep steady pace almost making you gag, making him feel like you were almost swallowing his dick. “Mm, your soo good baby that feels so good” the words were so faint, the fact that you already had him THIS GONE, in combination with his words of praise had your entire body tingling. Jimin’s dick was throbbing from how tight your lips were wrapped around him, fluctuating the pressure you applied, while stroking his length with your tongue.  His fingers taking an even stronger grip on your hair, as he bucked up even harder into your mouth. “Fuck stop, baby stop, stop!” Almost begging at this point, and when you decided to be a little shit...he pulled you up by your hair. Lips swollen and wet, licking his way into your mouth just enough to say  to tease you, spinning you around, letting your face almost slam into the wall in the process.

“You reallyyy fuckin askin for it tonight!”

Dress sitting mid stomach, “Well, I have been ask-fuckkkk” hand connecting to your ass with such impact you literally screamed, your skin was throbbing under his palm. Somehow you missed the part when Jimin dropped to his knees the realization came once you felt his teeth sinking into the curve of your ass. Sucking down on your skin until it was the shade of his liking, keening out in the perfection combination of pleasure and pain!  Spreading your cheeks, leaning up to bury his face within your heat, Jimin wasn't teasing tonight he was on a damn mission. “Jimin fuck-”  Reaching up, to hold onto the top of the stall devider for support, actually you were falling into it! Jimin's tongue was every damn where, the perfect angle to get his tongue deep into every crevice within your folds.  Body jerking, at every lingued stroke of the tongue, still not used to the added pressure Jimin’s piercing added, and honestly you never wanted to get use to it!   ‘Oh my godddd..” Eyes squeezed shut as his name fell from your lips repeatedly as if that was the only thing you knew how to do right now.

You could fee the tip of his nose brushing against your lips as he worked your entrance with his tongue, waving it in and out until you started trying to clench around him for more stimulation. You could hear how wet you were, how messy he was, the sound of your juices sliding around as he laped his tongue from top to bottom, teasing at your ass slightly. Moaning out as your juices slide down his face, the added vibration almost had you  toppling over yourself. Wrapping his lips around your clit, sucking, hard..as if he was trying to suck your soul out of your pussy you couldn't even breathe. “Jimin-Jimin-fuck please...just fuck me pleasee…..”

Soothing his hands up your thighs, laying his tongue flat against your heat, taking a couple long slow strokes, kissing his way up the curve of your ass as he finally got off the floor. Pressing down on your back “Arch for me baby….” Spreading your legs apart, as you lowered your spine “Put your other hand up here...your gonna need it..” God you could hear the arrogance within that but you were too needy to be a smart ass right now! Running his fingers up and down your lips which were currently dripping down his hand sliding in three fingers deep, with ZERO warning. The high pitched  moan that left your throat bounced off every wall in the bathroom, and you couldn't even get yourself to care.  Not wasting any time as he curled his fingers upwards pumping them in and out, just enough to have your walls slightly at ease. “Fuckkk…baby “ face contouring in nothing but pleasure as he felt  how wet and warm you were. He knew you really weren’t stretched out enough but fucking you open with his fingers felt like pure toture at this point. Sliding his fingers out, using your juices to coat his length, making sure he was nice and wet before he slid in.

Lips kissing along your shoulder as his tip teased up and down your folds “Jimin pleasee fuck me!”  

You were getting bratty, and impatient as you rocked your hips into him. Forcing his tip in slightly rocking back until his hands met your scalp, pulling your neck back onto his shoulder. Sinking his teeth into the base of your neck “Don’t fuckin rush me!” Growled against your neck as he dug his nails into your thighs, finally sliding in completely. You almost choked, as you felt him force his way through your heat in one steady stroke.His body flush against yours. Even though you were dripping , you still needed a moment to adjust to his stretch and he could tell. Massaging your ass gently kissing his way up your neck. He could feel you pulsing around him as you tried to adjust both of you moaning from how good he felt inside you. You couldn't help it, you were just sucking him in, involuntary clenching and releasing, and you heard him wince every time. “You ready for me baby?.” His tone was different this time around, more..intimate if you will ...instead of physically responding you just rolled your hips back into him which was all he heeded, to get him going.

Suddenly the two of you heard the stall open, the person actually into the one to your right “Good luck with that…” before you even had time to process what he meant he slammed his hips into you, a gritty chuckle leaving his throat once he heard the squeal that left yours! “Sorry...”Nothing about that even seemed sincere, considering the way continuously kept pounding into at that pace. The grip he held on your waist was so tight you knew you’d have bruises in the morning. “Shhhh” taunted off his lips with a smirk as he pounded into you …

The sound of his skin slapping against yours was enough of an indication as to what was going on, not to mention you weren't even close to quiet at this point which only added fuel to the fire.  “God your so fucking loud!” gritted through clenched teeth “You like having daddy cock inside you that much baby? Hmm you don’t even care people can hear me fucking you right now? Hear how wet your pussy gets for me” He was right you could physically hear your wetness as he slide in and out, you were dripping down his balls.

“Yes, fuck, feels so good-” you were practially whsipering you were so winded Hhs strokes were long ...deep, but fast, he was trying to ruin you and he was succeeding.  Everything was hazy you didn't care who was or wasn’t around, eyes rolling to the back of your head, your body so desperate for realise you were milking every inch of him. You could feel him hitting every spot, unraveling you never by nerve, he was all you needed, and more right now. You felt high when he was inside you, everything was just hypersensitive, It was like you could feel every detail of him. From how veiny he was  to the way his dick curved,as he coursed through your walls,coating every inch of him in your juices. And the best part is, he wants some fling at a bar he was yours..alllll yours!

“You wanna come so bad don’t you baby, look at you..dripping down my cock, such a good girl for me . I can feel you sucking me back in, fuck…” His hand smacked against the wall, as he continued to roll his hips into you, one hand digging into your hips, neck reclined, jaw extremely tight. He was just as fucked out as you were trying to hold it together,until he had you were he wanted you.

“Fuck, please, please let me cum god I can't-” You legs were starting to give in, you needed him to give you that little bit of stimulation you needed or let you do it yourself. You felt his hand move over to your bottom lip, eagerly sucking  them into your mouth, moaning against skin. His hand finally meeting the area that’s been crying out for him, and your body almost caved in, at the sudden stimulation and he wasn't gentle. Attacking your already overly sensitive bud, moving his fingers in a counterclockwise motion as he kept steady pressure on your clit. You felt the familiar feeling start to build up in your core again, you were clenching around him so tight you almost felt light headed . His lips met the side of your neck again as he flicked the skin with his teeth.

Not even able to fathom how you hadn't passed out and how he was able to continue at this pace, as he slammed into you. He’d rock his hips into you fast and hard, yet almost rolling them out of you, so it felt like he was almost..curling upwards..hitting every inch perfectly . “Right there baby? Is that what you need? You wanna make a mess all over my dick???” Nodding frantically, because you really couldn't hold it anymore..”Fucking cum then…” That was all you needed your body was quaking, clenching down around him so hard, you almost lost you balance. Eyes squeezing shut, you skin was on fire, not even able to fully process all the feelings that were taking over your body you were in such intense pleasure. Almost cumming in silence, because you forgot to breathe..”Fuck yes, that’s my baby,soo good for me..keep coming” 

“Oh my- fuck, god...yes...” Your cry wasn’t even audible as you pressed your face into the walls. nails clawing at his clothed thighs, surprised you actually didn't rip a hole straight through ..as pure pleasure rang through your ears feeling yourself drip down your thighs. You felt his hand take a firm grip around your neck, almost knocking the wind out of you as he rolled his hips into you.. deeper..teeth grazing the skin beneath your ear .

“Louder..” The command coming out in the form of a growl coursed through your veins as his opposite hand stayed connected to your clit almost making your knees buckle. You were already so swollen and beyond sensitive ”I said..LOUDER.. You've been begging to come let everybody hear you..let everyone know how good I’m fucking you, and how wet, your pussy gets for me..fuck baby your so wet..” Still amazed how he could sound just as needy as he did dominant, because all of that rolled off his tongue in nothing but a moan..half of his words slurred together. 

Continuing to rock his hips into you as you rode out your high, you felt limp at this point your body was drained..Not even able to cry out anymore instead you were just dry heaving. You honestly weren't sure, how much more you could take, you were starting to get extremely sensitive. Every stoke made your body shudder around him, each stoke made you clench even tighter. Luckily you also felt  how hard he was and how sparatic his thrusts were becoming so you knew he was close. He finally removed his hand from your clit, which allowed you to pull yourself together enough to coach him on “Is daddy gonna come for me? You made me come so fucking hard, You fill me up so good baby..” You started rocking back against him slightly, you felt his damp head of hair hit your back, as his faint moans grew stronger as they got lost against your hair.

“Is that what you want? You wanna feel me between your thighs until we get home??” He was so damn close you could hear it in his voice

Wrapping his arm around your waist his thrusts slowed down but got deeper , reclining  your neck, reaching back to grab the back of his head, making him look at you. Eyelids heavy, skin damp as he sucked his bottom into his mouth, fuck he looked so good. “Yesss, come for me baby pleaseee I need it, fuck you feel so good, ” A deep husky moan left his lips at the sound of your parise,, he fucking loved, it, damn near melting at your touch.He crashed his lips into yours. Tighten your walls around him, as hard as you could and that was all he needed, hearing him moan against your tongue was probably one of the sexiest things you've ever heard. The harder he came the deeper he kissed you, as the grip on your waist got tighter.

Even after he came, while his breathing was still erratic, his lips never left yours, just letting his tongue play with yours lazily and he sucked it into his mouth. You honestly lost track of how long the two of you stayed like that, both of you were sweating hard as hell.You felt his hands sooth up your thighs, as you massaged his scalp, you could the mixture of both of your arousals still running down your thighs.”Your fuckin amazing…” Something about his delivery let you know he meant that more than just sexually! Smiling into the kiss he pressed along your lips as he pulled out,spinning you around so you were finally facing him. “My pretty baby..” Fell from his lips, as he gazed down at you, eyes glazed over, skin dewy, hair a tousled mess over your head..your loose curls now long gone.Panting hard as hell yet in his eyes you looked fucking perfect! 

The feeling of both of  your arousals slicking down your thighs, had you ready to come all over again, Jimin filled you to the brim. Holding onto the top of the divider for support, thighs still shaking especially because you were wearing heels!  “W-What are you doing??” Staring down puzzled once you saw him sink to his knees….

“Look how much of a mess I made…” Teasing his fingers up your folds, playing with his cum that was currently seeping down your thighs “Your drippin everywhere baby..I gotta clean you up a little before we leave..”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two of you walked out of the bar hand and hand, both still head and body high, legs feeling like complete mush in your heels as you clung to Jimin for dear life. Face nuzzled in his side, the cool breeze was more than welcomed, while the two of you maneuvered through the lot. Still full of druken people moving far too slow for your liking! Alll you wanted was to get Taco bell, shower, and crawl in bed with Jimin...in that order!

“Fuck where the hell did I park!?”

Slapping Jimin’s chest playfully ‘How the hell should I know I rode here in a Uber! I swear to god Jimin I’mma make you carry me in a minute my thighs are not set up for this right now, hit your damn panic button!”

“Aye Park…” A voice whispered through the parking lot, the sound alone had Jimin head spinning, squeezing your hand a little tighter, pulling you behind him slightly. Almost as if to shield you from the gentlemen that was currently posted on the hood of a lime green Camaro.

“What’s up?” You could read it in his tone, it was friendly but somewhat cautious all at the same time...clearly, you weren't the only one who picked up on it either. Am amused chuckle rumbled in the stranger's chest, as he wrapped his lips around a cigarette.

“Don’t sound too excited to see me...I drove all the way from Cleveland  JUST for you, you should feel special. Plus..ya boy needs a favor”

You watched Jimin’s eyes flutter shut briefly, reaching into his pocket to hand you his keys “Hey baby..go wait in the car for me...” His blatant shift in demeanor had you a little concerned, more so now than earlier, you weren’t good at hiding your emotions either so he read it all over your face.

“I’ll be there in a minute….” Flicking his head to the left, indicating you needed to dismiss yourself..so that’s exactly what you did! Slipping the keys from out of his hands, scurrying to find his car. A million and one scenarios spinning through your head in the process! 

“Who’s that?” Cocking his head to the side slightly, eyeing your ass, as you walked off...Jimin didn't say shit though, and it took everything in him not too! He didn’t want him to know that he cared enough about you to say something, the less he knew about you the better!

“Don’t worry about it! What do you need Jay?”

  THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE FOR NOW! IF YOU LIKED IT “LIKE IT” COME HIT UP THE ASK AS LONG AS THE SERIES KEEPS GETTING LOVE  I’ll CONTINUE IT! LOVE YOU GUYS AS ALWAYS,

ROCKI!

FINAL NOTE- OH, IF YOU FOLLOW THE SERIES THIS TAKES PLACE AFTER 21 QUESTIONS BUT THERE WILL STILL BE A PART TWO.THE QUESTIONS THAT ARRISE WITHIN THAT MINI SERIES WILL CORRELATE WITH THE MAIN SERIES...HINTS WHY TIM WAS DISCUSSED IN PART 1! SOOO IN PART 2 THERE WILL BE A HINT AS TO WHO “JAY” IS AND GIVE YOU A IDEA OF WHAT HE WANTS. 

MASTERLIST