#like it’s only a few months but I 100% see improvement in my work

[kaboomthepossum]

Hey besties! Today I was planning a new TMG drawing and I thought it’d be nice to take a look back at the drawings I’ve made over the past few months and kinda see how I’ve improved! Here they are, in the order in which they were created:

Thank you so much to everybody for the support on these, it really means a lot to know that my art is appreciated!

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hello Nicholas!

I hope this isn't a weird question, but I saw in one of your posts that you used to be in a huge amount of debt and now you're living more comfortably- how did you manage to get out of debt? I feel like every time I start even trying to figure out where to start, it's just all too big to ever get out from under. Do you have any advice for me?

Hope you have a great day!

Hey there! Yes, from about 2007-2010 (before I transitioned), I was making less than $10k/year. I defaulted on all my credit cards, exhausted my retirement, and nearly lost my house. It sucked, and in 2024, I'm finally start to feel somewhat secure. What I learned (assuming living in the US, I also did not have student loan debt):

I had to first figure out the sources of my debt. A big chunk of it was because of bad spending habits due to mental illness (hoarding + retail therapy when I was dysphoric/depressed). Another chunk was from being in an abusive friendship. Another, from being unemployed. And the last, was general capitalism (this was during the housing crisis.)

I started working on improving myself to curb behaviors that led to debt. I started working on my hoarding. I started transition to improve my mental health (had to sell some stuff to afford HRT). It took until 2015 to ditch my abuser, alas.

I started working on new job skills. I swallowed my pride and got an office job after a failed 3-year stint at freelancing. It was shitty, but enough to take care of my income emergencies -- keeping my house out of foreclosure. I got a better job 8 months later. It also sucked and I was in it for 7 years, but eventually changed industries and that's when my career took off. Because with each new job, I've gotten better and better pay.

I started using budgeting software. YNAB is my favorite. I try to account for every single dollar I have.

I started spending smarter. Food was the expense I had the most control over. I went to the salvage grocery store (you can find non-expired stuff if you hunt) and bought the "ugly" produce 1 day away from rotting from the local markets. I actually managed to eat well once I found these grocery stores, and my food bill became a fraction of what it'd been at typical grocery stores. I do wish that I had given food pantries a shot, but I was in denial about my poverty at the time.

I sold a ton of useless crap. I got rid of a good chunk of my nerd "collectibles". I only miss a few things over a decade later.

I negotiated with my debt collectors. I managed to set up payment plans with my credit card companies, condo association, and the IRS. I also did a debt consolidation loan once I qualified and was sure I could commit to the monthly payments. It forced me to be super strict about my budget and for about 5 years I didn't buy much for myself. It sucked, but I cleared a bunch of debt that way.

I got help from my family. I was embarrassed to tell my family about my predicament, but it became impossible to hide. I got help cleaning out my hoard and my mother has gracefully given me generous cash gifts every now and then. Never enough to be life-changing, but enough to give me a mental breather.

I played the credit score game. This one seems counter-intuitive, and requires some self-control about not abusing credit cards. Many people recommend the "snowball" method for paying off cards (pay off your lowest debt asap, then go to the next one), but I went with a "credit utilization" method (bring my highest used cards down to the next utilization level, then move to other cards) so I would see immediate changes in my credit score. What is credit card utilization? It's the percentage of how much of your credit card you're using. A card with a $1,000 limit and $100 on it = 10% utilization. Your credit score changes when you cross the following thresholds: 90%, 70%, 50%, 30%, 10%. Once my credit score started going up past 400 (especially as defaults started falling away), I applied for a secured card. As I started using that better, I applied for a few more cards, then for credit line increases every 6 months. My car insurance rates were tied to my credit score, so as soon as that improved, I switched companies and saved money there.

Mistakes I made:

Being in denial that I was poor. I didn't really look for resources on how to live while in poverty. This hurt me a lot because I ended up neglecting myself out of pride, which made my situation even worse.

Payday loans. I got stuck in the payday cycle for about 8 years. I wish I had sold more stuff or asked family for money to have never needed that initial loan. Once you are in the cycle, it becomes very difficult to get out.

Not going to a food bank.

Not asking for help sooner. And not just financial help.

Not getting out of abusive situations sooner. This is hard, and I sympathize with anyone in a similar position. But if you think it's time to move on, trust your gut - don't sacrifice yourself for people who don't care about you.

Ignoring debt collectors, because I was too afraid to negotiate for a plan. The IRS was so patient with me in the end, even after defaulting twice on plans.

Not considering getting a roommate to reduce costs, or not thinking of doing more things like shared meals with my fellow poor friends. Again, denial and pride. Humility is not a bad word and I wished I had learned it sooner.

Not changing jobs sooner. Curbing my hoarding and getting a better job are responsible for about 90% of me being where I am financially today.

Getting out of debt is a marathon. It took over a decade for me, and I am *still* feeling the sting of poverty. I wish you the best of luck. Folks are welcome to tack on specific tricks and strategies -- this is just a general outline of my particular journey.

[whysperingwoods]

Ethics in Witchcraft: Empowerment vs Cheap Tricks

Witchcraft is mainstream-- a reality I never would have imagined ten years ago. With that rise comes a surge of offerings on various platforms, from spellwork to tarot readings, along with it the need for deeper questions: What's real? What's empowering? What crosses ethical lines? I want to explore the ethics of witchcraft, and how we can empower ourselves without resorting to cheap tricks.

The Etsy Dilemma: Quantity Over Quality?

What inspired me to write this article was setting up my Etsy shop. A few years ago, when this blog as last active, I sold tarot and fire readings on Etsy, and I was curious to see how things had changed since then. So, I decided to do a little research and see what other people were offering.

I was surprised to see how much the popularity of not only tarot readings, but spell work has skyrocketed in the last few years. Initially, I thought "Great! People are more open to witchcraft and divination!" But a closer look at the listings-- the quality, the prices, the speed of turnaround-- my excitement faded.

Let's take a look at some of the top listings that come up when you search for "tarot reading" on Etsy:

Most of the top results use stock images, some are obviously AI generated. The turnaround times are incredibly fast, and the prices are strikingly low. It's hard to imagine the quality of a 12-month tarot reading done in under an hour for a fraction of the usual cost. Now, let's look at the highest-selling listing:

The listing has racked up around 51 thousand sales in only 1200 days. That's 41 readings per day, just for this one listing (and this shop has several). Can you imagine providing 41 readings per day? It raises important questions: How much personal energy and focus can truly go into each reading when it's churned out at such a high volume?

When I adjusted the price range to being between $25 and $100, the listings were much more realistic. Photos of real people, with reasonable turnaround times and expectations. Phew!

What if we look at spellwork? This is where things get even more complex.

We see the same trend we saw with the tarot readings: Quick fixes, AI-generated images, extremely low prices.

Any experienced practitioner knows how much time and energy can go into a spell. Everyone has their own personal style-- sometimes I favour small workings that can be done in the span of a breath, and other times I like to prepare something elaborate that will take weeks to prepare and execute. But it raises a critical question: Can real intention be poured into something that’s mass-produced and requires only the click of a button?

At the heart of witchcraft is intention. Without it, what are we really practicing?

Love Spells and the Ethics of Consent

I would be remiss if I didn't talk about love spells here. This topic easily warrants its own post, but let's touch on some key points. Love magic is one of the most popular types of spells on Etsy, and I wouldn't be surprised if it holds true on other platforms. A quick glance through old grimoires and folk traditions reveals countless examples of love magic. In a world where connection feels more elusive than ever, it makes sense that these workings are in such high demand. But where do we draw the line?

Navigating consent in magic is tricky-- where do we distinguish between influencing the world in our favour and infringing on someone else’s free will? It’s a deeply personal question, one that each practitioner must answer for themselves. It's easy to tack on an "and it harm none" at the end of a spell and hope for the best. But that sidesteps some important questions: What is harm? How far do we take that? Sometimes, giving one person favour inevitably affects someone else. For example, casting a career spell to improve your chances of a promotion may unintentionally take an opportunity from another person. Can that not also be seen as harm?

This is why it's important for practitioners to reflect on what level of harm they are comfortable with. It's not an easy question, and the answers may shift over time and with experience. Ideally, none of us want to harm others, but that's something we have little control over. Maybe a better framework to consider is reducing suffering, rather than trying to avoid harm altogether. For example, while aiming for that promotion, you could also wish for your competitor’s contributions to be recognized in other ways. Instead of trying to avoid all harm, perhaps the goal can be to soften its impact and ensure that success isn’t gained at the expense of someone else's misery.

Rather than an “and it harm none” approach that could render a spell ineffective, asking ourselves how to minimize harm while still achieving our goals can lead to more balanced, thoughtful outcome-- ones that benefit everyone involved.

When it comes to love spells, another way to navigate this ethical grey area is by focusing on influencing your own circumstances rather than someone else's free will. I see this as putting something in the person's path, and allowing them to approach it themselves. Rather than casting a spell to make someone fall in love with you, how about casting a spell to increase your confidence, making yourself more noticeable, or drawing more positive attention your way? These types of spells empower you without infringing on someone else’s autonomy or agency.

Final Thoughts

At its core, ethical witchcraft is about empowerment—honouring the free will of others, practicing with intention, and ensuring that our magic comes from a place of authenticity. As practitioners, we have the power to shape our craft in a way that’s meaningful and respectful. Let’s choose paths that uplift and empower us, and the people around us.

I'd love to hear your thoughts. How do you approach ethics in your own craft? What ethical issues have you had to navigate, and how did you handle them?

[koiiiji]

Heyy I just wanted to say I really reallllyy love your writing and wanted to ask if you can write something about reader who is part of the Sabbat crew and is from the Middle East. Her relationship with the crew is all platonic and they all kinda see her as a little sister she’s 17 btw

hello looove!! at first i was like little bit unsure if my eastern european ass can be accurate and plausible but then i was beaten with thought that i've been in middle east countries multiplate times, but i still can't say that im fully familiar with your culture, so i’ll do it more neutral if you don't mind!!

there gonna be headcanon since i kinda run out of ideas and powers to write scenarios as it takes soooo many time (another reason why it took me almost one month, bc i was pushing myself to write an scenario) 🥹🥹

in love with my girl bella😭

• so like hyok brought you to the team since we saw frames with him on spanish (and i immediately make him person of the world) you prob know each other from cycling school where he was when he was younger.

• joker wouldn’t show many emotions towards you, but will silently brings you bottle of water or little snacks after trainings.

• wooin likes to show you around the city and took hyok with you to try new food and cafes.

• since vinny is new to team he was kinda surprised and firstly you didn’t like each other.

• hyok is the biggest older brother figure to you since it was him who brought you to the team and introduced you, and in general you know each other longer so you build trusting relationships.

• wooin maybe as charismatic and talkative of all of them as he can, but in the end of the day he would be the last who you would came for advice or comfort, simply because you don’t have such strong connection.

• your and vinny relationship will go progressively better with time, so after few weeks you had this friendly rivalry, but he wasn’t too harsh with you since you are girl and younger than him. through building relationships with you he learned patience and how to hold his temper a little bit.

• with joker, on the other hand it was…just silent.. he was silent… at least something in your life should be permanent, and in sabbath its joker who mostly just silent and not really talking. after one training he will silently came to you and just stick some random sticker on your helmet and go away.

• what joker and hyok have in general? they liked to learn about your culture. while hyok will randomly ask super random questions, or ask meaning or translation of jokes he saw in tiktok, joker would be just listening when you explained or if you randomly start share something from your life at home.

• hyok and wooin will use some stereotypical jokes to banter you.

• wooin and vinny less interested, since vinny cared about his mum (another reason why he still doesn’t count you as lil sis, he simply doesn’t have powers and enough emotions, since he can care only about her), and improving his skills and wooin just had many of his dark work stuff to do, so of course they would listen to what you said and mention, but don’t expect them to remember everything what u said

• hyok have some goofy melody from memes from tiktok to your contact melody (def not the explosion sound for messages) (IM SORRY OKAY?)

• 100% few times joker asked you to have an eye on his brothers, and you build quite strong relationships so youngest one definitely will call you older sister (as an older sister i told u it soooo cute🥹🫶🏻)

[vitaminseetarot]

Last Quarter Moon PAC: What Are You Harvesting? 🌗🍓🍹

Welcome, one and all, to my last chapter of the four-part moon series! In the beginning, all we had was the seed of potential. We then added some tender love and compost, tending to its stretching stems and budding leaves. We then sat back and witnessed the colorful flower blooming forth, reflecting our work well done.

Now it's finally time to take a look at what will be harvested from this growth. How will it sweeten your life? How will it ensure that more growth can continue to the next month? What blessings will at last be bestowed that will, with careful preservation, last through the winter and beyond?

Take a peek at the three packages of fruit you see down below. These are of the frozen kind so they will last for many smoothies and muffins to come. (Brand names are blotted out for your convenience.)

Pile 1 - Chilly Blueberries Pile 2 - Snowy Strawberries Pile 3 - Frosty Plums

Pile 1

Cards: Four of Swords, Three of Cups, Nine of Cups; Dandelion Wish, Avocado - Prosperity, Scorpio Moon - Camouflage, 6 - Freedom

I guess it works that I called this the Chilly Blueberry pile cause it seems like you're just looking to chill. You've been through the long haul this last month, and for you the growth hasn't come easily. Now you're being greatly encouraged to kick back and relax for the last few days of the season remaining.

You've been spending a great amount of time working on your internal issues. This pile has done some immense shadow work, and perhaps you sense that you're still in the thick of it, laying low and addressing some old fears. These fears may have to do with something you've been wishing and longing for. There's almost a feeling of treating shadow work as a full time job, wanting to purge and clear as much as possible to make room for desires. Which isn't a bad thing! It can be the recommended thing for many people (like one of the other piles, per example wink), but there's also such a thing as overdoing it. Sometimes you get to a place where you've squeezed out every tear cried out and felt the rock bottom of rock bottom, where you're hitting impenetrable bedrock. Pile 1, this is your reminder that you've been doing GREAT work improving yourself, but now it's time to breathe.

You're going to be harvesting peace, relaxation, a chance to decompress and distract yourself with good times. Your friends could be trying to pull you out of the house or into a discord chat -- join them! Don't let yourself get distracted by the heavy emotions at this time. Not all shadow work is productive, like with anything it can be habitual and keep you ruminating in a little loop. You are protected as far as social relations are concerned. You're being given the space to relate your deep inner work with the work others have been doing. I can't tell you how refreshing it is to be in the thick of some deep karmic issues, only to find out a close friend or even acquaintance has been going through a similar ordeal.

Right now, even with all the freaky planet shit happening out there, don't think that the next few months will be like your last few. You're gonna undergo a subtle transformation on your own naturally after this harvest. You'll be moving into a place of wish making and abundance. This may even boost your sense of financial freedom. It could be that some of your shadow work involved money, but I'm really getting abundance in general with this pile. You don't have to overwork yourself to get to that place, pile 1, you're already approaching it. There's no need to get a 100% completion rating on your spiritual practice. You're not being rewarded for hard work, you're being rewarded because you're in the right place and time to be receiving the abundance coming for you. The shadow work is to help you get in a better mindset and receive without letting old baggage get in the way. It's not a forever thing.

Pile 2

Cards: Five of Pentacles, King of Pentacles, Page of Cups; Turtle Creek, Strawberry - Affection, Leo Rising - Shine, 5 - Heart Healing

How awesome is it that you got the strawberry card for your strawberry reading?! Maybe you just really like eating them; the card does talk about affection after all! With Leo Rising, I'm feeling that this pile has been really affected by the Leo Venus retrograde. Lucky for you, the planet will station direct in a few days, gradually bringing back in a feeling of overall sweetness to your life like a tide coming in.

It could have been that your self-worth took a small hit in some way. Some things may have happened that tested you just a little too much. You wanted more out of your circumstances, but when you ask and ask your spirit guides and higher self and nothing seems to happen on the surface at the end of the day, that can really wreck confidence over time. You'd hear things like "maybe it's just not meant for you," to which you'd respond, "then what is?" You're about to gain a lot more clarity as to what is for you, and that no matter what your doubts say, pile 2, you deserve this!

That belief is very important--it keeps you from creating blind spots where opportunities lie. I felt relief pulling the King of Pentacles in the middle. The King does not think at all about what he deserves, he simply has it. He listened to that one random shampoo commercial's message "because you're worth it, baby" and stuck to that philosophy for the rest of his life. He needed this confidence because with Pentacles (and as hinted by your Turtle Creek card), success doesn't happen overnight. Sometimes it can be hard to tell if something is going to work out in the long run. We often have to wave our hair around like supermodels and strut our stuff as though we know it will anyway. (I just got "Good As Hell" by Lizzo in my head. You might benefit from pampering yourself a little to remind yourself of your worthiness.)

There's going to be a moment of inspiration that comes to you this harvest, like an artistic idea or emotional epiphany that will flood through your slow moving creek. Page of Cups doesn't see you as really stuck, but will help push you along either way. Your lack mentality is being restored to a fullness mentality, and with this comes a strong wave of emotional resolution. Letting yourself feel the hurt of lack for just a moment in time can help you clear it out of your system to make room for healthier and better feelings that actually stick. You're allowed to set down your doubts for now and be more vulnerable and open to giving and receiving. It may not seem so, but vulnerability is important to creating flow, and flow is when we sense that we are moving with life and not against it, so that naturally things will work out for us. When you're ready to open your doors to life with softness and tender affection, so will the doors to what you've been dreaming of.

Pile 3

Cards: VII Chariot, Queen of Swords, Ten of Cups; Cottage Hill, Watermelon - Fun, Sagittarius Rising - Adventure, 9 - Self Acceptance

Before I flipped over your cards, I looked at the Cottage Hill card and imagined how cozy you've been for the last while, maybe a season or two where you stayed home and felt comfortable. I even channeled a feeling of enjoying old familiar songs and games. Then I turned the cards around and got the exact opposite message!

Your cards are nudging towards pushing yourself out there and taking in the goodness of life without getting muddled in the details. You've been in a state of analysis (paralysis?) for some time, and the only thing you're harvesting, whether you like it or not, is the chance to go out and enjoy yourself. It doesn't have to involve others, it can be just you looking to try something new (maybe rock climbing isn't in your taste, but there are many other things to explore). Forgive me for saying this, but we all know what dried plums are: prunes. And what do prunes help with? Of course, getting things going! The Chariot isn't always a card of traveling, but you are specifically having your travel experiences sweetened this time around. A dash of spontaneity and whimsy has been added to your harvest. There is stuff out there waiting for you to see it and experience it for yourself.

Please don't think that this time to run around and enjoy yourself is a waste of time, pile 3. Do you know how hard it is to want to move ahead when you have 6-8 planets in retrograde? Cut yourself a bit of slack. Being a successful human being doesn't mean never allowing yourself to feel content with the present, especially since for many people being successful means exactly that. You also never know what these greater experiences could bring you in the long run. A good time spent away can be like a shower that prepares you for the next big thing to tackle. It could be hiding blessings in between, waiting for you to seize them.

The Queen is Swords approaches everything with discernment, so you can work with her energy by finding out what sort of thing you would like to do or see next. It doesn't mean planning every single thing out. The best itineraries keep you from getting lost from point A to point B, while also leaving room for exploration. Maybe you'd be interested in joining a computer programming class, for example. It doesn't mean you have to sign up for the full major. Taking things a step at a time can really help you determine what's better for you further down the road. Self-Acceptance card talks about how to deal with our tendency to self-contradict. There's a part of you what wants to move ahead, and part of you that wants to stay put in the comfort zone. Plan out your "itinerary" so you're not caught in black-and-white thinking. If you're feeling the resistance to move, just try it a little at a time. You'll have a lot more fun this way.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2023, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[zhuzhudushu]

Lingopie — Chinese Review ★★

So I did 3 months of Lingopie (stylized as Liñgöpie) so you don't have to (unless you want to lol).

I mention a Chrome extension, the Zhongwen dictionary, quite a bit in this review. It is here, I highly recommend it (click)! It's also available for Firefox (click).

What is Lingopie?

Lingopie is an app and desktop extension/website that allows you to watch tv shows and cartoons with interactive subtitles for language learning. It currently has Spanish, German, Russian, Italian, Portuguese, French, Korean, Japanese, and Chinese. It claims to improve your language learning by 80% (compared to Duolingo which is around 20%).

Here is their website. (click)

Pricing: (March 2024)

3 months $36

1 year $71 "on sale" (normally $144)

Lifetime $199 "on sale" (normally $663)

Please note: I have never seen these full prices. It appears that the "sale" is permanent.

My Review / TL;DR Version

Extremely disappointed both in functionality and content for Chinese. Maybe this is a good program for other languages, but for Chinese there is extremely limited content with pinyin subtitles only available for the non-Netflix shows. All the best learning features are available for non-Netflix shows, yet those tended to have significantly worse translations than Netflix. I would not recommend this product for Chinese. While it had a few good features and I enjoyed it for 6-7 episodes of one show, it then had a glitch where an entire episode was subtitled wrong, so I gave up.

See below the cut for full breakdown.

Strengths:

Has access to Netflix shows and films including some popular ones (e.g. Meteor Garden, Dear Ex, Nezha Reborn)

This is nice and I enjoyed rewatching the ones I was familiar with and getting a better grasp of listening and vocab. I appreciate that they try to incorporate kid-friendly along with more serious/adult content with animated and live action tv shows and films. I also liked that it specified if the show was from Taiwan or China, and also included shows that had some Cantonese influence (e.g. Scissor Seven)

Allows you to have English and Chinese subtitles simultaneously or alone, and you can easily click them on an off while watching.

This is pretty standard for all video/subtitle based educational apps, but it was nice to easily click them on and off in case I wanted to double check my understanding, and to compare the direct translation of the words to the full translation of the sentence.

Allows you to pause automatically after each subtitle. Can also loop subtitles over and over. There are also AI-produced explanations of grammar.

This hands down was the best part about the entire experience for me, and why I ended up using Lingopie for 3 months. While it was sometimes clunky (see below), this made singling out specific lines/words for listening practice so easy. Once I got in the groove, I was able to get through episodes fairly quickly and was starting to be able to listen and hear new words in sentences later.

Click on the words in the subtitle to make flashcard sets

This was a nice feature, but I do wish the flashcards were a bit more functional, see below. It was easy enough to use and a quick way to remind yourself of the new words you learned before you jump into the next episode.

Weaknesses:

Pinyin subtitles available on desktop only, with no pinyin subtitles for Netflix shows (as of May 2024)

This is a HUGE flaw, and I was 100% dependent on using another chrome extension for hover-over dictionary while using Lingopie. I know they are working on pinyin subtitles for Netflix and mobile, but I used this for 3 months and it still was not implemented when I ended. To me, if I have to use another app in conjunction with this one in order to fully learn, then what's the point? Especially since I watched Taiwanese and Cantonese-influenced shows with very non-standard pronunciations, comparing standard pinyin to accented productions is necessary for me. Even with the pinyin subtitles for the non-Netflix shows, it left a lot to be desire because they're tiny above the Chinese characters, and sometimes difficult to read. More than once I thought a ǒ was ō because of how tiny it was.

Not enough content, especially cartoons/beginner level

The one above and this bullet are the main reasons why I don't recommend this app for Chinese specifically. Maybe other languages are fine, but there is simply not enough content for the price. I was hoping for more beginner/lower intermediate content like children's cartoons, however there are none for Chinese. All the animated options are more teenager/adult oriented. There also weren't many light-hearted or comedy options, meaning you would have to watch a lot of serious dramas, thrillers, and violent shows if you wanted to get your money's worth. For my personal taste, I don't want to have to pause every dialogue line for an adult thriller. That would ruin my experience of the show and the suspense. For the non-Netflix options, most shows were incomplete with only 1-5 episodes available out of 10+. They also tended to be lower quality productions, with significantly worse English translations. The majority of what is available outside of Netflix are short films (~5 mins) and cooking shows (10-20 mins) which aren't bad for beginners. I personally have no interest in cooking, though lol. Essentially, there is no TRUE beginner fictional content in Chinese available.

The dictionary is... rough

Again, I was fully dependent on the Zhongwen extension. While the English subtitles themselves are good, the individual definitions of words that you hover over are definitely rough. They weren't actually that helpful for breaking down meanings of things like slang and characters' names. For example, in Scissor Seven there were quite a few animal puns, e.g. 汪星人 which is internet slang for "dog" Lingopie translated as "Woofer" which was... awkward and strange. Without the Zhongwen extension I would have had no idea what this was actually referring to. It would been nice if it functioned more like the Zhongwen extension, where it would highlight individual characters or phrases/combos depending on your mouse placement. Particularly on the non-Netflix shows, the translations even in the English subtitles were incredibly rough and at times I couldn't understand the context in either language. There was also one instance of an entire episode (Netflix) that had incorrect subtitles, I suspect subtitles from a different episode? That was the final straw for me.

It chooses whether or not to highlight single words or phrases so you have no control over your flashcards

This made the flashcards not as functional to me. Sometimes, I wanted just the specific noun/verb in the sentence, but it would make me highlight the entire sentence. Other times, I wanted a really functional phase, but it would only let me highlight the individual words. I barely used the flashcard feature because of this.

Clunky interface (Chrome & Firefox)

I can't speak for mobile or Safari because I didn't use them. Since I was relying on the Zhongwen hover-dictionary, I only used Chrome. You can only use Chrome or Safari if you want Netflix shows. Sometimes the auto-pause after each subtitle would be too early or too late, meaning I would have to actually click things pretty persistently throughout each episode. Using the spacebar to pause/unpause hardly ever worked, and using the arrow keys to flip between subtitles also never worked for me. Sometimes the hover-definitions of words would linger even after I clicked away, and would not disappear until the next subtitle appeared. This was super annoying and would block a good portion of the screen. Sometimes I would have to click things 2-3 times before it registered in both Chrome and Firefox.

Overall, I think it's a great idea, but needs some pretty major improvements in order to be worth the price.

In my opinion, if they were to add significantly more shows, including kid's cartoons, and improved their subtitles, dictionary, & interface function, it would be worth the price.

Maybe in a few years as Lingopie grows, it will be worth it. But for now, it's not. For now, it's clunky and limited. If you were to watch it for an hour a day, you would probably get through all the shows that interested in you in about 3-6 months. It wouldn't take longer than a year to go through all of the Chinese content, as of right now. So why would you pay for a year or lifetime price for that?

(divider credit here)

[ygodmyy20]

Okay I finally am getting around to this post! It's the 'Fuck how can mob psycho help me in so many ways god damnit I hate and love this show' post!

Shigeo joining the body improvement club, and everything about this part of his story is so personal to me. I just have to talk about it.

So as we all know at the start of the story, Shigeo joins the body improvement club to impress Tsubomi. Thats it. Thats the goal. He also joins because he wants to get stronger and not rely on his psychic powers but really like...the main reason is to impress her.

And this isn't new. A character wanting to get fit, lose weight, change some physical part of themselves for a crush is SO common in stories that you barely notice it.

But what I love, what I ADORE is how this progresses and changes.

This gif from an amazing AMV by @thekagepro24 and it just UGH hits me so hard it is so perfect!!! I could watch this 5 second gif over and over and over again

I just am. I just am dying while running, I just am making progress, I just am enjoying this because I really like it.

This puts everything I feel into visuals (it's so gooooood watch the AMV!!! DO IIIIIIT)

So many times society tells us to change something about ourselves, or we tell ourselves to change for the appeal of others.

Lose weight so people think you're pretty.

Get fit so you can get into clothes that make you look hot.

Get swol to make a person think you're attractive.

You are the one and only you, this is your one and only body. So why are you working out, why do you WANT to get "swol" who are you trying to impress. Is it for yourself? A crush? Society?

I have battled with the above for so long. I come from an athletic background, and did a lot of sports growing up, but I have never been small. I have battled with weight my whole life and had my own shitty bouts with ED.

I have been in therapy, I have read books, I have watched videos, I've been in and out of PT for nearly 5 years because of a lower back and hip pain that NEVER went away.

I never figured out WHY i wanted to exercise. It just always was "To lose weight" because I couldn't get that goal out of my head for years and years and years.

But then I watched mob psycho 100.

And I started a new type of physical therapy.

And was it mp100 or was it the therapy finally working, who can say which did it—probably both—but one day I thought...

....maybe I should just go for a run...for 5-10 mins. Just to see how it feels. It went against all parts of my athlete brain (because 10 mins is too short to see "gains"....which is dumb but whatever)

I thought of Shigeo and how he basically passed out every time he ran for like 2 mins, but he got better. He had to start from 0, well...kinda like negative 5 really. But then he was doing so much not even a few months in!

35 pushups is so hard!!! You go my boi.

Shigeo started off doing it all for Tsubomi, for others, and even if he really wanted to do it to improve himself I think it was a secondary goal initially. Main goal was to impress someone. Secondary was to get stronger.

But then the marathon happened. And those goals SWITCHED! DURING THE RACE! just....man it hit me. It hit me hard. THAT WHOLE EPISODE IS JUST A LOT FOR ME GOD DAMN

He ran for her initially but he continued running for himself. He continued working at it because he wanted to and in the end, after everything, after confession arc, after all that

This scene!!! makes me cry happy tears!! look at how happy he is UGH IT JUST IS SO UGGGHHHHHHH

Anyway if you made it this far, know that everyones journey through their body improvement, mental improvement, emotional improvement is different. We all have to tackle it in the way that works for us.

It took me nearly 10 years to start again because of this beautiful anime connecting the right dots in my brain.

Every journey is different, but just keep fighting on and you'll figure it out!

[artyandink]

Just a little thing from the entirety of my heart:

I have only started properly writing on just Tumblr since a few months ago (haven’t kept count really), but I started an account a few years ago. But in that time, I’ve managed to grow as a writer and a person, got a lot more feedback and followers and publicity (don’t know what to call it otherwise) and it’s absolutely amazing.

I’m not as technically skilled or organised as some of the other absolutely goddamn brilliant writers on here, but I can tell you that I’m so grateful for everything that y’all have done to build my little space here.

I’ve struggled a lot over the years, with depression, anxiety, some degree of Autism Spectrum Disorder and have had some great difficulty with socialising and keeping real friends, which is a bummer. But fanfiction, writing, original fiction- it’s all an out for me. To be someone who I’m not, to escape from everything in the outside world and have one more where people look at me and think ‘wow, she’s so cool’ and out there it’s ‘ew, she’s so socially awkward’ because my social battery doesn’t replenish very easily and I tend to expect the worst.

Now, I know you don’t want to listen to my rant about my hardships, so here’s a selection of people that I wanna thank for making me more confident and more skilled as a writer just in general, which I absolutely appreciate (even if you aren’t mentioned in this list, I absolutely love y’all who support me as a writer):

@zepskies - You’re such an amazing writer here, you deserve every bit of support and love that you get from your readers because you’re truly a natural writer and such an amazing person in general. I only improved after analysing your writing and putting it into practical use. Also, your writing’s like self-therapy for me. You should be really proud of yourself (and this goes for everyone). @k-slla - Same for you, Kerly! Another thing was that I saw you about on Tumblr, and we found each other but you helped bring me out of my shell and gave me the support that I needed, and I’m forever grateful for that. @waynes-multiverse - Wayne, you were one of the first writers to give me your feedback on my first proper, thought out series here on Tumblr and I’m so glad you did, cause I met an amazing person and got to see your brilliant work, again something that I took inspiration from. @jackles010378 - You, my friend, are such a good hype person! You also tagged me in the little ‘get to know you’ posts, and otherwise I’d be a socially awkward hermit, so I am indebted to you for it. Keep on doing what you’re doing and including me even if my social battery hasn’t charged. It’ll shoot up to 100% ;) @angelbabyyy99 - Thalia, I bow down to you and your ability to write CJ. And you’ve reviewed my latest fics and it hyped me up so much that after a section of writer’s block induced by being horribly ill, I’m banging out fics in a day or two that previously would take me weeks. So glad you found me, and I hope you stick around, lovely! @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior - You’re such a good writer, and I recently found out that you were/are/could be in the same boat I am, and I can’t tell you how much that meant to me. To know that this isn’t a battle I’m fighting alone meant everything and I can’t thank you enough for sharing your struggles with everyone.

That was pretty heartfelt, but I felt like I had to say it otherwise my heart would burst from being so goddamn happy that I found my community.

The SPN community is so goddamn nice?!?!

Love, Arty 💜

[eccentricallygothic]

Hey,this is 4 days too late,but OH.MY.GOD. Hi,hi,hi again! I'm the one that requested robber Bucky. Or Small World,as it's called now. Reading the story multiple times,the title really made me blushed and squealed 😣💕 And no,no,no! Please don't redo anything 🙏🏼❤ It's as perfect as perfect can be. I actually felt sorry for you that you did both bank & home robbery in the same fic cause double the work. But being the talented writer that you are,you managed to fit both of them in the same story and made it work and both of them fall perfectly into the context of the story. My brain could never lol. I would be sad if you redo it 😢 IT'S ONE OF THE MOST PERFECT THINGS I'VE EVER READ. And I'm glad to know that you wanted to do both instead of feeling pressured to do it and it would be a lot to write BUT OMG! You did it anyway! 😳 And in what,2 days? Have I told you you're talented? Probably a millionth times by now but you are so damn talented 🤯 Small World is ONE OF THE MOST PERFECT PIECE I'VE EVER READ AND YOU WROTE IT IN 2 DAYS?! Please spare the rest of us some talent,Miss 🥲🧎🏻‍♀️ I beg you 🙇🏻‍♀️ Let's be honest,my request is lame and vague lol. I don't even know what kinks to sneak in my requests since I can't picture how the story would be (because I'm terrible at writing) but you filled in the gaps perfectly with your details and breathe life into it and I went thru a whirlwind of emotions at the plot twist and as the plot progresses. You are a genius! 👍🏻

Now about the story,I'm blushing! I'm blushing hard reading it,okay? ☺😳😭 It's so hot! Small World Bucky is seriously hot 🔥 He's just the right amount of soft and mean 😣💕 I'm in love with him! ❤😭 He doesn't even feel guilty at all that he took her,didn't he? For everything he did to her. And yet,I still feel sad when he got caught & taken away from reader while precious innocent little reader just waits for him to come home as usual (like a good little wife already) but he didn't 😭 My heart breaks reading how soft he's being with reader after he robbed (ha) her of her virginity,how he offered to be the breadwinner for them both (I know I requested this but it's still so cute seeing it come to life with your writings) & imagining their domestic life together afterwards- 🥺😭 I have a few headcanons of their domestic life together such as how excited Bucky was when he got his first paycheck from his new honest job because he wanted to treat his sweet little future wife as his new improved self to something nice,even as he's saving for that diamond ring he promised her. Or at least tried to because I can see reader refusing to let him treat her,because she only needs her Daddy's attention everyday,making Bucky's heart swelled for her more and refused harder to ever let her go. The second headcanon would be the kind of job he got. I imagine this soft dark robber Bucky would probably go for a job requires a lot of physical,so I imagined a construction worker or mechanic? Stereotypical,I know 😂 Again,I'm lame like that 😅 Idk if either of those paid well tho. Or is it a blue collar job? In an office? Because robber Bucky probably need intelligence or maybe know how to hack a bit here & there. Or maybe a security job? The third is the dates they go to. I know you wrote that Bucky excuses her out of her outdoor obligations which I understood to mean that he asked (demanded to quit her job) but since he improved himself,wants a marriage and the normal/regular domestic life with her (with the added dd/lg elements to it) that most couples have,he probably takes her out on dates as a start,right? It's not like she's gonna run away anyway,she's way in too deep in the stockholm syndrome and he's 100% aware of this. She doesn't even realize she's his captive this whole time. Ofc,this would be as months passed where they grew closer and reader starts to fall for him. Imagine they went on a carnival date where Bucky tries to win her a stuffie friend for Kiki,I could cry just imagining it 😭 The calm before the storm 😭💔

I can't hate Bucky at all in this. I just can't. He's so lovable even in his own fucked up ways. And may I add,roguely charming 💘🖤 Oh and funny too. I giggled at that scene where his cock kept sliding off and he just giggled and called her pussy a brat that needs taming 💀 Like the whole thing is a joking matter to him while Reader's fearing for her life lmao. There's so many things I can list off about this Bucky. You fleshed him out so well and so hauntingly beautiful,especially in his obssession with reader. And his determination to get her back no matter what. I can't imagine him going about his day working while daydreaming about coming home to his future wife like he usually does everyday and only to have a bunch of authorities showing up and seizing him (or worse,tackling him to the ground) and not letting him come home that day after all. Omg,I'm sobbing..... 😭 Seems like he misunderstood that reader's the one that reported him or maybe he has that paranoia lingering everyday during their domestic phase together that she one day would report him & escape him. He must've felt some kind of betrayal & held some kind of grudge for reader for thinking that she reported him while he's locked up in jail for some time while being perfectly aware that he's the one started all this in the first place 😂 Did he feel some kind of guilt at all? He let her come to the realization of everything and just let her speak while emotion passes over his face for a brief second. Is it guilt or is it because she realized and finally shook off her stockholm syndrome? That he's afraid she won't be compliant as before? That he would have a harder time to have that normal domestic couple life with her again now that she's fully aware that their domestic life together before wasn't just that,it was also him keeping her captive? I think it's the latter,I don't think he feels guilty and regrets anything he did to reader at all,he went to get her back after all. Reader definitely still loves him even after she realizes,she's not even putting up a fight and just let him take her,again. He'll cling to her for sure and will never let her out of his sight again in fear she would be taken away from him for a third time. Maybe they'll both cling to each other because Reader just misses him as much as he does her. Oh,he's definitely finally getting that diamond ring he promised her this time so she's truly his in name now. I can't tell where he would bring her to live this time tho to be off the radar and not getting caught by the police again.

Oh,can I also talk about the psychological aspect you smoothly incorporated into the story? It's genius! 🙌🏼 You're brilliant! 🙇🏻‍♀️ And heartbreaking on Bucky's part 🥲 Where she doesn't seem to remember him for a second Where her brain is trying to supress her memories of him and their time together because of that therapy since she took a while for everything to come back to her. She doesn't even remember his name or his face when Bucky pushed her to remember him 😭 I'M CRYING 😭😭😭 Man,that therapist must've been really good OMG. She literally NEEDED to see HIS FACE to finally remember EVERYTHING. To finally remember him. He was a bit mean with her at the bank but I can feel his heart breaking into a million pieces when Reader said "I don't know!". Which is another reason why I don't think this Bucky is dark DARK or outright fully mean. He's soft dark for sure. I don't think he really meant it when he said he's gonna cut her tongue out. I took it as he was just really angry and said it as an empty threat that he won't actually carry out because he still thought she reported him,went to therapy on her own and willingly made herself not remember him,willingly erase or suppress him from her memories. The way he did it is not gentle but I still felt my heart clench when he kept pushing her to just remember him by demanding her to say it's him while he roughfucks her. That part is angst to me,can I count that as angst? I feel like I got Stockholm Syndrome too since I seriously felt pity for Small World Bucky & wanted to protect and defend him lmao 💀

I'm so sorry that I took so long to reply,that I took 4 days!  😭🙏🏼🙇🏻‍♀️ When you wrote my request in JUST 2 DAYS and it's the most perfect piece I've ever read and it's something I've wanted my whole life 🧎🏻‍♀️ I've been fasting where I live so there's lot to do everyday and I've also haven't been feeling well for these past 3 days but Small World cheered me up and made me feel better instantly 💕 I haven't gone these past 3 days without reading or thinking about this fic at all,believe me. That a very talented and kind author took my lame request and went out of her way to perfected it and turned it into a million times better than what my original request intended (and I'm glad for that). Which is why I feel so guilty for taking 4 days to finally express my many thank yous and gratitude 😭 AGAIN,I AM SO SORRY! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 It felt like ghosting but I promise I'm not ghosting you at all 🙏🏼 That wasn't my intention. I've been really 4 days late to say thank you. Please don't hate me or be mad at me. Yes,I read the fic for the past 3 days because it's just that great that I'm obsessed but also because I want to assess it properly so I can write a proper review and how much I love the fic. This is my first request for you and you did an amazing job beyond expectations that I don't just wanna be like "It's great ❤ Thank you 💕" because it simply doesn't hold up to all the work and effort you put into this beautiful one shot (exactly what I wanted but 10x times better) & simply because a simple "Thank you 💕" doesn't fully express how I truly feel about it. I can tell that you put your heart and love into writing it so I want to put my heart and love into my thanks as well 💕 I mean,you even had to do some photoshopping for my request,omg,I'm so sorry 😅😭 I know you said my request excites you so much that you reasurred me "no problem" and you even did BOTH of my request tying them together perfectly,but I still feel bad to make you do so much work 🙏🏼 I feel relieved to know that you want to do them on your own because my request excites you. I already felt honored as hell when you took up my request and POLISHED IT,I felt even more honored that such creative writer like you felt EXCITED by MY request? By my lame ideas? You don't know how hard I fangirled when you said that. I truly feel honored 💜

Again,THANK YOU SO MUCH for taking up my request and for writing it 🫂 Seriously,thank you,thank you,a million times thank you. Thank you so much again for this perfection 💕 I love it so much that I won't stop thinking about it or stop obsessing about it for a LONG time,you have no idea. Again,to adress your Author's Note :- Please don't redo Small World 🥺🙏🏼🙇🏻‍♀️ Everything is as perfect as it is 💜 I love it so much 💜 If you can't already tell by how long this crazy rambling of mine is 😂 It's dark,it's also soft dark,it got suspense,twists and turns,it even has fluff & angst. Everything is as it should be 💜Also,why are you apologizing to me? Why are you saying sorry? 😭 I'm the one who should be saying sorry to trouble you and sending my feedback and gratitude late 😢 Why are you so kind and humble like that? You,a writer would apologize to me,a reader? Who request you to write something & I'm not even paying you anything for it yet you still wrote it with quality and love? YOU ARE SO SERIOUSLY SO KIND 💕😭 I feel like I don't deserve your kindness 🥺 Also,my review about the story? It's simply me fangirling over Small World,sharing my headcanons,thoughts and intepretation of the plots. If any of my thoughts and interpretation is wrong,please feel free to correct me. Please don't take it as a way that I want you to change anything in the fic,I'm simply fangirling and just wanted to talk about it with you and tell you how much I love it ❤ Seriously,don't change anything,I'll be really upset if you do 🥺

Please don't feel like you have to reply to this very long ass ask of mine. You can reply it shortly ❤ Just think of this as a letter or as my love letter of your work and writing skills 💜 I'm scared of even sending this to you honestly,I sound like a crazy person 😂 THIS IS SO GODDAMN LONG 😭 You'll probably block me after receiving this if I'm being honest 😭 But I'll take the risk. This is the longest review I've ever written for anyone at all. Because it's a request so it felt extra special and personalized and also because I'm very appreciative and grateful for it 🙏🏼 And again,just obsessed with it 💜🖤 I promise any review or feedback from me after this won't be as long as this one 😅 I'll keep it short but straight to the point so I won't be annoying like this again 🥲 But I still will show how grateful & honored I am,the way your writings properly deserved,if I do have a request for you again. Which I don't know if I should send you another request because I already made you work so hard 😭 You wrote that perfection Small World in just 2 days,that's insane,it's must've been exhausting to brainstorm all of it in just 2 days so I felt bad. Oh,also,I'm so sorry that I'm sending this in an anonymous ask. If you want me to appreciate it non anon mode,let me know and I'll do it. THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR EVERYTHING 🫂🫂🫂❤❤❤❤ A MILLION TIMES THANK YOU FOR SMALL WORLD 💜

Thank you for reading Small World!

Hey and first of all, that's completely okay! I am the one that opened requests and I love to brainstorm ideas and yours was really really fun to tinker with! So please don't worry about any of that! I enjoyed combining the two but I was just scared that you may not like it but I am very glad that you did! 🩷

And yes my obsessive ass did it in 2 days 💀but please don't worry that's just how my muse and priority mechanism works 😂 aLSO OMG STOP NOOO I AM JUST WHATEVER 💀 And omg no the request was neither lame nor vague it was fresh and different I loved it! Omg 'whirlwind of emotions' that means mission accomplished 😏

Good, blushing is good. Also, why would he feel bad? For finding his soulmate? Pfft. Daddies do that kinda stuff to their babies just because that's how things are, educate yourself??? Pfft. You'd know if you had an old man of your own. You best believe he took her to a nice little cozy place for their first date which came out of his first ever paycheck! And nooo because I also imagined construction worker but I think private security pays better. Who cares?? We are just girls and can fantasize whatever we please 💅🏻 Also about Kiki, Bucky is either a second parent to her or her worst foe (because of Baby's divided attention between them) and there's no in between! So maybe that's why he wanted to win her her own Daddy 👀 (you're making me wanna write this so bad omg)

Bucky is a brat tamer with a monstrous 12 incher! What do you mean it doesn't fit? Now your naughty little pussy is just misbehaving! But no worries! He will fix it like the Daddy he is! <3

I am sorry? Why would he feel guilty? And what Stockholm Syndrome? He's not a kidnapper or anything he's her future hubby who just met her in a funny way is all! Pfft, you liberal little girls just say anything, don't you? Perhaps you need your own old man to teach you some manners pfft! Bucky was only hurt that she let them get to her and feed her with OBVIOUS lies! And then she believed them! Tsk, tsk. That calls for punishment! I don't think he's afraid that she won't be as compliant anymore. He has had many assignments much harder than an estranged little wife, it's no biggie. The only part that he may be a bit worried about would be hurting her but she hurt him more so who knows? 👀

I don't know about a ring now, though. He may get her a diamond shock collar that goes off when she's a certain distance away from the home before anything now 👀

No but you're so real about the therapist thing because when I was writing it I was like 🥲 if only I could get a therapist like that 🥲 lmfao! Also yes, it's your request and your interpretation, you can take it however you want but you're rather spot on with what I had in mind while I wrote the story. Also I am crying lmfao not me giving you Stockholm Syndrome from a fic omg 💀 I got it while writing it so we are in the same boat honey. What can I say, we are just girls 💅🏻

Omg, please don't worry about any of that! I am just happy that you liked it and took the time to respond in such a heart warming and rewarding way! I hope you're feeling better now and I wish you happy fasting (because idk why you are doing it so I am not gonna name any one thing <333). Also noooo I enjoyed photoshopping it! I only took it down because I thought it looked awful 💀 but I am glad you liked it! And STOP your idea was not lame at ALL! Don't be a meanie to my baby (you) 😡🩷

Please don't worry about any of that! I understand and I am just happy that you liked it! That's enough for me. I just get nervous when there's no response that the person hated the request is all 💀🩷 You weren't troubling no one 🩷 Also, your review is literally PERFECT and very uplifting! And no, you're actually spot on with everything you said!

AND NO I LOVE LOVE LOVE your response! It is so motivating and rewarding! Don't be afraid or sorry! I am a master rambler and I also believe in putting your heart into what you want to say, I also do the same 💀🩷 You're not annoying at all I absolutely adore your ask! It's hands down the best feedback I've ever received and it made me feel so much better about my writing because I hate it 99% of the time. Maybe it's also because I am a literature major so I measure everything with those standards idk but this made me feel so good 🩷

And requests are open so please don't be afraid about anything okay? Also, you can interact with me however you feel comfortable, no pressure. I am just happy to have you here 🫂🩷 Once again, thank you for reading and taking the time to respond, I am very glad that you liked it! 🩷

(just leaving it here because you don't seem to hate it as much as I do hahaha)

[dreadfutures]

I hold in two hands:

everything is going pretty well. I am slowly making friends and deepening friendships IRL in my dream town. relationship w my family is the best it may have ever been in my life. my job is easy and satisfying and eases my conscience and I enjoy it. i am getting back into physical art. I call my best friend from grad school every week. I play DND with my best friends from college every week. I play Pathfinder with a group I've been with for six years every week. I have every cuisine imaginable available to me, there is every kind of hang out spot nearby, transit is cheap, and I'm under very little pressure in life. I have improved my digital art over the years and have the honor of being commissioned to draw people's OCs! I have a story I've been writing for four years that I am still passionate about and invested in with a dedicated readership of 100 or so people every update. I get to participate in exchanges of art and writing about fandoms I love, with people who love them. I have been able to introduce good people looking for communities to good communities full of good people. I have been able to run a (so far!) successful large fan event to celebrate all of that. I have so much I'm looking forward to, games and music and movies and books, travel, visits, museums...

and

I am tired. Depression is coming back for me like the tide and with it comes this irrational unsteadiness. Where things have been certain, solid, steady, and where I've been unconcerned and happy, I'm finding myself insecure, jealous, shy, uncertain, self deprecating, self conscious, unconfident, unhappy. everything I make I question. I can't help but feel the weight of all the things I usually brush off as meaningless. There's no amount of rationalization, reassurance, or interactions that can turn that around.

It just is. Both. All at once. For now.

I am very grateful for what I have. I really am. but I will never not be depressed, you know? Like, if I'm being pulled under by a rip current every few months, at least the water is warm now. And it'll let me out eventually I guess, as it always does, and I'll find my footing again. It's easier to find footing again and not drown than it was 5, 7, 10 years and many prescriptions ago. but right now I just wish I could find a therapist to have an outlet to express, process, experience those feelings safely with another human being who won't be affected by it all. It has been a long time since I've been the kind of childish person who goes crying and wailing about my insecurities to people in search of validation and praise that I would then reject. But watching other people do it makes me wish I wasn't so far along on the self awareness journey and could be so freely pathetic again. Because that behavior does receive so much validation, pretty intensely, lots of preening comments that feel morbidly good and bad simultaneously, you know? But it feels better than silence, even if it comes with the shame of publicly begging for attention and validation lmao. But better than silence is also just having a place to express stupid feelings and cry a river about petty things and then be able to sigh or laugh it off and put those feelings in broader contexts and move on without ruining my life and relationships.

I just fucking wish they didn't all set their appointments by telehealth only, and in the middle of my goddamn work day.

I don't want a room mate again but I wish I didn't live alone. I wish I just had someone who got me, who sees me and loved me, in the same room, day and night. I miss the person who inspired DPDF a lot these days. they weren't the first person I had that connection with and they don't have to be the last. and our connection isn't the same anymore but it's still precious and it's hard being apart but that's how it has to be. There will be others. it'll be fine. someday maybe. in the meantime it's cooling down from this heat wave and there are lunches to attend and weird driveway artisan shows to sniff out and cafes to write in and cute outfits to wear and things to learn and I'll play more good games and I'll get my hair done special and at some point the positive feelings will catch up again and maybe I'll be able to enjoy them fully like a normal human being. at some point I'll blink awake in the middle of a conversation and realize I'm feeling happy and clear again. that's how it always happens and in the meantime I hold both of these feelings in separate hands at once. Tangible. If I say out loud that they're both real then they both can be, again.

[pseudowho]

hello once again, it's 🕊️ anon (aka anon with shitty rich friend) again

im so sorry for dumping all of this lore on you u this way, u dont have to reply to it

but there was so much more controversy when they got together. so basically it wasnt just me liking the guy. the guy (lets call him T)'s childhood best friend (lets call him M) was basically in love with the girl (lets call her S). M liked S for a whole year (S and T didnt even know each other that well) and when M confessed, S rejected and it was a pretty messy rejection (I dont know the details). a few months after that T and S started talking secretively and only a few people knew about this. so them getting together broke the lifelong friendship between T and M.

Now i am pretty good friends with M, but i hadnt ever told him that i liked T. recently after everything went down, i met up with him and told him that i used to like T. and this is how the convo went:

me: so i used to like T

him: i know

me: fym you know??

him: i could tell

me: since when?

him: 10th grade

me: right. does he know?

him: yes, we talked about it back then

me: so what did he say?

him: that youre not his type

me: ah okay fair

i basically put on my most nonchalant attitude to hide the fact that i was tweaking inside. now the fact that he knew got me thinking two things:

1. he knew i liked him during all the time i 'subtly' tried to get close to him and he shut me out in the driest way possible. im gonna curl up in a hole and wither into nonexistence.

2. he knew he had the opportunity to get over S before he fell hard simply by giving me a chance. but he chose to ruin his lifelong friendship then even consider being with me??

sorry im rambling but im 18 and ive never been liked or pursued by anyone and im the only one in my friendgroup with less than 0 experience which always makes me wonder if theres something wrong with me. there are moments where i see the good in me, but the negative thoughts almost always seem to outweigh the positive ones and the whole situation only seemed to fuel them and im once again so sorry for yapping so much.

the way this isnt even all because this whole situation caused me to almost lose my bestest friend too but thats a story for another day (maybe)

The idea that you're "unlikeable" comes to you, because in this instance, you were rejected by 100% of the people you had feelings for. Even though that was simply one person, to your brain, it feels like you would be undesirable to the whole world, because that one person- 100%- of the ones you wanted, weren't into you.

18 years old is also quite genuinely no age. I'd be concerned if you had been 'pursued' by loads of potential suitors. Most 18 year olds are, through no fault of their own and in no way an insult, so worried about themselves and where they fit in the world and how they come across to people, that they struggle to relax enough to really enjoy their romantic relationships without all the extraneous pressures anyway.

Tone down of the self loathing and work on the self reflection instead. Take a deep breath and a step back, and look at your perceived flaws objectively; what could you do to improve them? How can you work on making the best parts of you dominant? Being happier with and more confident in your own character is so much more important than being in a relationship.

It is FUCKING ROUGH and mortifying to have to reframe your memories of trying to get close to this guy, with the new information that he always knew and was rejecting you the whole time, adding context you never had. This will probably be one of those memories that makes you cringe at 25 years old, 35 years old, 55 years old...you get the point. You did nothing wrong; it's just one of those things. I'm sorry.

I fully, fully appreciate the yearning for love. It will come, really.

It is important, and perhaps difficult to accept thoughts, that it likely wasn't Her OR You. It does, truthfully, sound like he did not consider you an option at this point, for whatever reason; it certainly sounds so based on what your mutual friend says. So the anger of "he chose xxx over ME?!" is likely uncalled for, even though it's bloody hard being rejected.

I'm sorry your shitty friend went for your other shitty friend instead. They've got a lot of growing and learning to do as well.

And stop hating yourself. You're not detestable, like seem to think you are.

☝️ you, getting ready to go after these guys, I think, but you shouldn't, just BREATHE

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[presidenthades]

Once again, I am doing a series of my behind-the-scenes thoughts for The Golds while I do light edits for formatting, typos, and continuity. Here’s Chapter 8!

(Full disclosure, I learned that TGC can sing around the time I started writing this series, and that definitely inspired singing artsy Aegon. I am still distraught about his band going “on a break.” 🥺)

For this chapter’s title, I picked the Mother lyrics from “The Song of the Seven” because it’s the childbirth chapter. The moment we’ve all been waiting for!

Joff’s hand is bandaged at the beginning of the chapter because she’s been messing around with the glass candle. Of course her loyal assistant Daeron knows about it, and he doesn’t entirely approve of her methods.

BTW I often cringe when people in fantasy stories casually cut their palms for spells and such, because your hands have a lot of muscles and nerves, so it hurts a bunch and takes a while to heal. I thought about having Joff take blood from a different body part that isn’t used all the time. Then I remembered the point of blood magic in this universe is pain and sacrifice, and I could see the magic refusing to accept blood from someone intentionally trying to avoid pain, and it only works if it hurts. So here I am, using the trope that I used to always complain about 😅.

Despite everything, Jace would not approve of Elinor’s hand being cut off, so people have been avoiding telling her.

Jace thinks Gyles is suffering at Dragonstone, but this is actually an improvement! He used to make a heckton of pies at the Red Keep, but now he only has to cook for one person. So he’s getting paid the same to do 1% of his usual workload, and he gets to be creative since he has to change the menu every meal while ensuring Jace eats a balanced diet.

Luce dresses extra neatly and arrives early so people don’t suspect she was canoodling with Aemond the night before, but this is so out of character for her that Jace notices.

During breakfast, Luce tries to play it cool and ignore Aemond while he stares at her. They had this exact same dynamic in Chaoter 9 of the Handbook, during the post-wedding breakfast. They really need to coordinate a better system when they have something to hide 🤪. (100% inspired by Aemond’s intense staring during the show when he looks at pretty much anybody.)

If Aegon and Aemond get to have sibling telepathy, so do Jace and Luce.

Luce’s rose garden reference is a callback to Chapter 1, when it’s mentioned that Aegon got handsy with Jace pre-wedding while Daemon was stalking around the hedges. Technically, Jace and Aegon were already married for years because of the elopement, and that’s how Jace justifies letting Aegon take liberties. He was already her husband so why not? 😉

Absolutely nobody expected Jace to serve as chaperone, but she blames herself anyway (as usual). If everyone wasn’t so worried about Jace’s health and if the trip preparations weren’t so hasty, I’m sure Alicent or Rhaenyra or Daemon would have insisted on sending an actual chaperone with the group.

The Episode 8 last supper bit where Jacaerys pathetically punches Aemond, who isn’t fazed at all, inspired the scene with our Jace smacking Aemond with a sandal (la chancla!). In this universe, however, Aemond can’t retaliate because Jace is a pregnant woman. He has too many chivalrous notions to strike a woman (and nobody would let him anyway). Luckily for Aemond, our Jace isn’t very strong either.

Baela has been corresponding with Cregan the last few months. Not so frequently that it raises eyebrows, but often enough that they’ve gotten to know each other better. She definitely sent a letter of condolence after Sara died, so she’s expecting a response. Unfortunately, Cregan is not reacting well to his sister’s death, and it feels like the latest in a series of Starks getting screwed whenever they interact with Targs. Jaehaerys and Alysanne made the Starks donate land to the Night’s Watch who neglected it, Jaehaerys showed mercy to rebels which led to Walton Stark’s death, Rhaenys arranged for a Stark daughter to marry Ronnel Arryn (who was usurped and thrown out the Moon Door; his wife and children probably weren’t spared either), and there are probably still some complicated feelings about Torrhen kneeling to Aegon I. Now the Northmen probably feel the Targs caused Sara’s death too, so Cregan, who is also grieving, backs away from Baela and arranges to marry a Northern girl.

Rhaenyra deliberately omits news of the Baratheon betrothal in her letter to Jace. Like everyone else, she’s trying to reduce Jace’s stressors.

Aemond’s letter has the king’s personal seal. He’s confused why Viserys would bother writing to him.

Aegon’s letter is most likely from Alicent, and it mentions something about the Baratheons. I don’t think Alicent explicitly reveals the betrothal, but there’s enough detail that Aegon figures out something is fishy. He has a good poker face when he chooses to use it, so Jace can’t tell what his reaction is.

Aemond leaves because he wants to yell at Viserys, and Luce follows to stop him from getting in trouble. They’re gone all day because they stop somewhere along the Blackwater to argue about what to do, and eventually Luce convinces him to come back to Dragonstone. When they return in the middle of the night, Aegon sneaks out to get the details from them, and that’s when they all agree on a cover story to tell Jace.

Aegon is constantly checking Jace’s pulse because he’s worried about her anxiety 😮‍💨.

Luce is trying very hard not to cry during her convo with Jace. Normally Jace is the first person she confides in about this sort of thing, but she can’t right now 😢.

Jace has a PTSD flashback, and she instinctively/inadvertently uses grounding techniques (mostly centered on Aegon) to get out of it. Westeros doesn’t have much psychological understanding or vocabulary, so I imagine a lot of conditions/symptoms get swept under the category of “madness.” Jace doesn’t entirely know why her brain and body are acting the way they do, so she worries she’s losing her mind.

I’m not a doctor so don’t quote me, but based on my amateur internet research, stress and trauma during pregnancy can cause preterm labor, and Jace has experienced a lot of stress and trauma. I was determined for Cheeseball to be born healthy, so I made him born around 37 weeks/3 weeks early. Not too early, but he’s cutting it close in a world without NICU equipment. I also read that babies born early are likelier to be breech, presumably because they’re on the small side.

Pregnant women sometimes begin “nesting” when the baby is imminent, so Jace spends the morning organizing the baby knits. And the baby might be less active than usual right before labor, which Aegon notices.

Joff is using her little hourglass to time Jace’s contractions 💀.

Jace is telling herself to be brave because “a woman’s battlefield is in the childbed,” or however the saying goes.

Why does Joff know so much about different types of fire? Because she and Daeron were trying all the different ways to light the glass candle on fire 🔥.

Rhaenyra still has unresolved trauma from Aemma’s death, so she decides to keep Aegon from the birthing chamber out of fear that he would make the same choice as Viserys if something goes wrong. When the maester and midwives are debating what to do, Rhaenyra thinks, “of course we’re saving a Jace, she’s my daughter, we aren’t killing her in the hopes of a male heir.” She overcorrects in the opposite direction as Viserys, not realizing she’s acting kinda similarly by taking the choice from Jace. By Westerosi standards, Rhaenyra is also overstepping because the expectation is it’s the father’s right to decide, certainly not the baby’s maternal grandmother’s right. Alicent thinks Aegon deserves to be in the room and have a say in what happens, so she fetches him regardless of Rhaenyra’s feelings.

I did a little reading about the history of childbirth (skip this bullet if you might be squicked by details, though I’m not going to be graphic). A child in breech has always been a big concern but isn’t necessarily fatal; it has higher odds of being injured in the birth canal, or being strangled by the umbilical cord. If the baby really does get stuck, there are ways to extract it to save the mother, but the baby almost certainly dies (and it’s quite awful how they take it out). And historically, the mother was actually chosen over the baby quite often until some church reforms happened and pushed for the baby’s survival via C-section, which had very high odds of killing the mother. So I have a lot of conspiracy thoughts about whether Aemma really was beyond saving in Episode 1, or whether the maester just told Viserys that so they could try to get the baby 🧐.

I feel like Jace could have convinced Aegon to pick the baby…and then Aegon would spend the rest of his life depressed and drinking himself into an early grave 😔. If he were somehow forced to remarry and have more kids, he would be Viserys 2.0 and favor Cheeseball over any children by his second wife. Thankfully, that didn’t happen in this universe!

I know people have a lot of questions about what Joff did with the candle, but I have to save a lot of that info for future fics! Just bear in mind that like it says in the fandom wiki, glass candles are supposedly able to give its wielder visions and dreams. I also gave the candle some qualities as an arcane focus, like in D&D. Oh, and I read on a fan forum speculating that the glass candles might be like palantirs from LOTR, so there’s that. And here, Joff uses Aegon’s blood for the ritual because he’s the baby’s father, so there’s a strong connection she utilizes to coax the baby out.

Joff puts out the candle right before the others come into the room, so nobody except Jace and Aegon (and probably Daeron) know that anything magical was involved.

During the Middle Ages, birthing rooms were kept warm and sealed because they were afraid a draft/the cold would be bad for the mother and baby. But Jace is both a Targaryen and a Velaryon, and she wants to hear her dragon and the sea, dammit.

“The sun wishes to meet the sun.” Sorry, I couldn’t resist making a pun with sun/son.

Royal and noble women overwhelmingly prefer using wet nurses (partly as a status symbol, partly so they can get back to conceiving more heirs quicker, partly so they can focus on other duties). But the ASOIAF-verse does have examples of royal and noble women breastfeeding (see some of the citations on that page if you want to dig in), including the original Queen Rhaenys. So Jace breastfeeding her child is very unusual but not unheard of. And I wanted to give Jace the psychological benefits of breastfeeding, since she’s been in a shaky mental and emotional state.

Babies and children die super easily in the pre-modern world. Just look at how many of Jaehaerys and Alysanne’s kids died super young! It’s why Aegon’s second nameday was such a big deal in the show; he survived infancy, which was the most perilous time. That’s why Jace knows that despite producing a son, she and Aegon will be expected to have more kids. It’s too risky not to.

Since we’re already bringing in LOTR with the palantir vibes, I decided to add some One Ring vibes too. Aegon senses some bad juju from the candle but he’s not magically inclined at all, so he shrugs it off. Jace isn’t super into magic either, but she’s mentally and emotionally vulnerable so the candle taps into her weaknesses more easily. I’ll probably flesh out the system more in the future Joff fic.

The culture of chivalry and courtly love seems to be strongest in the Reach. Daeron picked up on the art of giving flowery compliments while he was there. Unfortunately Joff doesn’t care about that sort of thing.

Daeron knows the candle isn’t entirely “good,” but he’s too used to following Joff’s example and doing whatever she wants. This is probably going to be part of his character arc.

Aegon, in his best Ron Swanson voice, to Dragonstone’s gardeners: “You may have thought you heard me say I wanted a lot of roses. But what I said was: give me all the roses you have.”

The lyrics in Cheeseball’s song convey the sentiments that Aegon wishes he’d heard from his father growing up, and now Aegon is ensuring that Cheeseball hears his own father say/sing those things every day 🥹. And Aegon makes sure to put both Targaryen and Velaryon references in the song to commemorate Jace’s family.

Chapter 9 commentary here

[sukustar]

Face to Face

Synopsis: Your best friend who is in love with you visits you but meets his enemy who should be in the afterlife.

Couple: Toji x Gn!Reader

TW: Jealousy. Distress. Ooc Satoru?. Before Satoru's arrival, Toji and Y/N were busy. Toji was revived by Y/N

Notes: This is like a special of 100 posts and 400 followers (thanks for everything♡), English is NOT my first language so I apologize if there are misspelled words. It is also my first "professional" drabble so I would appreciate feedback on how to improve to create more quality content.

•

•

•

Satoru crossed the street with a bouquet of roses and a lump in his throat. He couldn't believe that he would finally do this, he had been planning this for a whole week and still he felt shy. You were his best friend, his biggest support, who was there in his hot and cold days, his great love, but something told him that today he could change that.

He wouldn't give himself the luxury of ruining the beautiful bond between you two.

He rang the doorbell with a sweaty hand as he went over their dialogue in his mind. He waited a few seconds for you to open the door, however it wasn't you who did it, he saw a large figure, with blue eyes and an arrogant scarred smile. A face he knew well, a face that should be buried: Toji Fushiguro.

Satoru was processing what he was seeing, he had some idea that you had something to do with the return of this disgusting monster but why? What the hell was Toji doing in your house disheveled and shirtless?

However, all thoughts of what they were doing were overshadowed by Toji, he couldn't believe he was back, here, in your house.

Toji looked relaxed and calm at Satoru's unexpected visit "Did you miss something?" he asked sounding more arrogant than he looks; Satoru remained silent but Toji already knew what was going through his mind "It was Y/N, he was the one who did it, apparently he gave me a second chance to live with dignity and that nonsense" 'Stupid', Satoru thought, 'Obviously I'm going to to know how the beautiful technique of Y/N' works.

You ran downstairs to receive your visitor, arranging your hair and your clothes "Everything's fine? To-" your words got stuck in your throat when you saw Satoru and his... bouquet of roses

"Why? Why are you with someone like him?" Satoru finally spoke, more than distrust and disappointment he felt betrayal, yes, betrayed was the feeling, you knew that this man had been close to murdering him, you knew that thanks to him Suguru...

You were trying to calm your best friend down by saying that you had spent time with Toji's soul, you had known and liked him so you decided to bring him back but Satoru's expression only got worse, he looked like he was about to explode as he looked at you. I had never seen you like this, you had always received their affectionate, kind, loving looks, never one of hate. Satoru didn't understand, he was overwhelmed by his feelings, he needed to get out of there or things could end... worse.

You tried to stop him but you were stopped by Toji "let things calm down, it's better this way for now" you understood, but Satoru's look, he looked hurt and it hurt you just the same.

Satoru kept walking away after throwing the roses in a trash can, wondering how they would still be friends after this. But what he was sure of was that Toji couldn't stay in this world for that long.

•

•

•

Satoru:😶

Toji:😉💪

Y/N:😰

Flowers:🗑

...

I hope you liked it♡♡, I was so nervous because it's my first time making a drabble and I had this idea for months so I decided to write it instead of asking someone else.

[poppyandzena]

Poppy: "Spawn is an adult you guys, you need to stop treating saying I'm doing child abuse because they were an adult." Also Poppy: "Anyways yes we had a schedule for Spawn. People with ADHD work best with schedules, this is proven!! Spawn just couldn't complete it cause they were dicking around." As someone with ADHD, while schedules can help, it's not the end all, be all. I would say most of all it requires some flexibility and understanding. Poppy insists that schedules are proven to help people with ADHD, therefore it's good that they forced a schedule onto Spawn, and yet even when they talk about it they talk about how the schedule didn't work for Spawn and... well, blame Spawn for it not working. Almost as if they have disabilities that make their life a bit harder to keep to a schedule or something 乁( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ㄏ When I was a child, my 'schedule' for the day was basically this: school, come home and do homework, do three chores (written down on the fridge for me to complete because I legit couldn't remember when I was verbally told what chores to do the night before), and after that I was able to do whatever I wanted. I don't think regimented schedules help someone with ADHD, I think having certain things scheduled (such as a few chores, homework since it was important for school, etc) while also allowing for downtime is the best way to go. Even as an adult, there are certain things I try to keep to a schedule (certain days dedicated for chores, all bill due dates are written on a calendar and checked off as the month goes on, specific errands like groceries) but I also understand that some days I'm gonna wake up, have a bad brain day where I can't really do everything I want to do (and sometimes I can only really do one big thing a day), and I give myself the grace and understanding while also keeping in mind what is most important to get done. It's a balancing act. It's delicate. It's hard work. Every time I see the way Poppy talks about Spawn I just hope more and more that they're doing so much better without her... and I hope Poppy never gets to be in contact with them ever again.

I have ADHD and anxiety. Flexibility is best. I forget to eat more than I eat in general. My mental health improves when I'm given more control of my surroundings and my choices. My work gives me enough framework without dominating my life like I'm a sim without autonomy.

Us ADHD people work in what I call loopholes or cheats. I hate brushing my teeth so I brush my teeth in the shower to get it all done in one place. Or if I can't shower before I go to work, I have little disposable toothbrushes and sugar free gum in my desk. I hate the act of eating or preparing food. So instead of screwing myself over by making something I won't finish, I drink V8 100s since they're cheaper than the Naked brand and contain vegetables and fruits I wouldn't bother preparing on their own. I don't even own a bin for my food waste since I know I will procrastinate taking out the trash and stink up my home, so food waste is sent to the trash chute. I keep non-perishable snacks in reach so my blood sugar doesn't completely bottom out when I forget to eat.

Spawn is doing fine living without Zena and Poppy--not because they were "never disabled." They are very disabled. You know what disables you further? Having to do endless lists of labor that last for hours, sometimes without a working AC and little food in your body as your parents shame you for not "doing it quick enough." Being made to skip meals because you "missed your time." Having YOUR sports drinks consumed when you need those to keep your sodium up. Being barred from going to the bathroom for hours at a time. Being shamed for staying in your room but being screamed at by Zena for existing within ten feet of them. Having the internet cut off on purpose and then having to grovel to turn it back on when you need it to look for a job, as your parents bitch at you for not having a job.

[andmaybegayer]

Michael scope

Zeiss Jena Laboval ?3? I think, documentation for the Laboval series online starts and ends with the Laboval 4. By all accounts this is their upper mid range lab scope, with Amplival being the top of the line before you get to big scopes that have to be installed by a technician.

There's a large variety of Zeiss scopes that were manufacturered on this side of the iron curtain, as you can see this is an East German piece. Pretty good condition, scratchy condenser optics but the objectives and eyepiece seem to be in great nick, from a quick inspection, and that's what matters. Eyepieces are 10×'s, Objectives are a 3.2 semiplanar, a 10, a 40 planar (which I think will get a lot of use), and a 100 oil immersion. Pretty normal setup.

I don't have slides and slips yet so I can't do a proper mount, but this is pretty promising for just sliding a sheet of paper into the slide holder. Proper mounting will improve the focus plane immensely. 32× and 100× so far.

The illumination is off-centre and uneven but that's resolvable and anyway it might be fun to move to LED. I also want to build some top illumination brackets for opaque subjects.

I had like. A kiddies toy microscope growing up and I got as far as trying to make it do darkfield with pieces of cardboard, but never something this professional, binocular optics is such a big step up on its own.

The only real issue I've seen so far is that the stage Z axis is very sloppy, huge backlash. Everything has been stuffed with new grease recently so at least it moves smoothly, old scopes and old typewriters both have a tendency to seize if they're forgotten for more than a few months at a time.

I'll swing by the lake and pick up some algae and protist samples later, and I need to order slides and slips. Also I can print some darkfield and oblique illumination filters.

Probably not going to fuck too much with oil immersion, but who knows, also I'll keep an eye out for water immersion objectives.

I think that with an appropriate head replacement and some filter hacking I could get phase contrast microscopy up and running, probably scavenging some Amplival parts. I'd need to see. I can definitely get fluorescence microscopy working with an illumination upgrade. It would also be nice to gut the electronics and put in a simple battery powered illumination system I can charge over USB so I don't have to rely on wall power. Even the stock tungsten lighting is only 5W at 6V so that's easy to swing.

Objectives are DIN 45mm I think, and it sounds like many Eastern Bloc microscopes use standardized head mounts. I'll also be able to print a lot of parts for this, but I'll probably want to get some black filament for optical reasons.

First I want to do some protist sketches, I picked up a protists book at a used bookstore a while ago and it got me really hyped to do protist watching. This is definitely at some level me trying to replace macroscopic wildlife spotting in my life.

[thrashkink-coven]

Lord Hermes says not to brag about the results until the work is done, so I won’t say too much about our experience together, but I do want to thank him for his advice and openness with me last night. We haven’t fully established a working relationship just yet, but he did make an appearance in my work, on my altar during a conversation with Lord Lucifer last night.

These next few months will bring lots of change and new opportunities, my main goal in our work together is to harness my energy into doing and experiencing new things, places, and parts of myself. I want to get involved with the social justice movements happening in my community. I feel a responsibility to do my part in improving not only myself, but my community. I need to involve myself in mutual aid and charity, I now know that this is an important part of my life that I’ve been missing. Things are just too bad outside right now to stay inside and do nothing. I need to be the change I want to see in the world, it’s not debatable anymore. That’s what Hermes helped me out with last night, accepting that I need to change for the betterment of everyone around me. As much as Hermes is highly involved with travel and commerce, he’s also the God of change and communication. Using my words and my beliefs to make a positive change in other people’s situations. Finding the right words to express the truth. He told me that I am already blessed with the art of language (thanks Jophiel) and my way of thinking and choice of words is much needed in activism.

I want to learn new things and see new people- help new people as well as myself. Hermes says that this will be a slow but rewarding process. It will take a lot of commitment and dedication to learning and unlearning. It will take a lot of discomfort and awkwardness. Mistakes will be made. He said that I must decide what my philosophy is and stay absolutely true to it through judgement and adversity. This is a work that must be done, not for credit or fame but for the empowerment of myself and my people.

As much as I adore Hermes, my relationship with him last night felt a lot more relaxed. I didn’t get those butterflies or anything like that, and I think that’s because he was being more serious. He lightened up at times, but when we started talking about my goals and plans for the future, he really locked in. It verified to me how incredibly wise he is. He’s so funny and relaxed because he’s so damn smart. He asked me multiple times if I was really ready for this next step, not in a doubtful way, just in a way that made it clear that he was serious about working with me, which was actually really nice. He expressed that “there is no right time to decide to change, you simply must” and that it would be my own anxieties that prevent me from reaching my max potential. Lucifer said something very similar before he introduced Hermes into the space. I do feel ready, although I know that I need to take this slow. My problem is that I rush into things at 100%, and quickly burn out. This is going to take a lot of time and slow growth, slow building of skills and intellect, Hermes made it very clear that we are in this for the long haul.

He also congratulated me on my relationship with Lady Aphrodite and Lucifer. When I first approached Hermes, he rejected me, the main reason being that I still had SO much development to go through with Lucifer and Venus. He called me a whore lol, saying that until I fully give my heart to my relationship with Lucifer, he would never work with me. He was absolutely right, and I’m happy that he made me aware of that, because I truly am a different, wiser person than I was the first time I approached him. I had planned to approach Hermes during the huge solar eclipse on April 8th, but last night Lucifer ushered him in, saying that I was ready now. I basically said “I want to but I don’t want to delude myself by getting my hopes up if he’s not interested in me yet”, and Lucifer was like “well, he’s here so buckle up” LMAO

Hermes also reminded me very heavily to communicate with and create a relationship with Lady Hecate, saying that my relationships with Cerberus and Faviel should have already lead me to her by now. Which, they have subtly been nudging me her way, I just haven’t found the right words and offerings to give to her. I believe I may have introduced myself to one of her archetypes with Cerberus, but Im yet to approach her in a working relationship. Hermes understood this and called it wise, but advised me not to wait too long. I think the lunar eclipse will be a great opportunity to finally give her the recognition she deserves. He told me that his work with me would make me a master of alchemy and elemental theory, he would teach me the refined art of spell craft. But Hekate is the master of energetic direction, while Hermes can help me be well studied, Lady Hecate can help me use those studies practically and see the results of my work truly manifest in a powerful and influential way.

Anyways, sorry for the yap fest. I thought that as soon as the candles went out I would create a chaotic and excited post like HERMES FINALLY NOTICED ME AAAA!!! But since giving it some time and sleeping on it, I feel a lot less !!!!!!!!!!!!!! about it. Don’t get me wrong I am SO excited, but I’m more so appreciative. This isn’t going to just be my winged footed bff, he has a lot of hard work and studying for me to consume myself with. I’m lucky to have been in his presence and I am infinitely thankful to him for his help.

Ave Lord Hermes! Thank you!