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thesilmarillionblog · 1 month ago

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ANGEL IN DISGUISE

Summary: When Dean gives you a Halloween party explanation, he also gives you a gift: a pair of wings for his angel.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Angel! Reader

Warnings: +18! (light smut), fluff, naive reader, wing kink!!!, soft, teasing, reader has a praise kink, sub!dean

Word Count: 2917

A/N: English is not my first language.

🎃── Halloween Special One-Shot ──🎃

“Can you help me with these pumpkins, sweetie?” While he was having a hard time making a beautiful decoration for Halloween Week, Dean asked with a chuckle. He had been asking for your help, but all you were doing was smiling as you enjoyed the view while watching him. Every time he scooped a pumpkin to give it a form, his muscles stretched out, giving his hands and arms an appealing look.

You finally got off of the chair and said, “What are the pumpkins for?” as you looked deeply into the eyes of the pumpkin and the lights within. If you touched them, you could make them look brighter.

“It is only aesthetic for the week of Halloween. They'll be put in the garden.” Dean kept cutting, attempting to make it clear that they are meant to seem frightening.

You laughed out loud despite being confused by the whole idea, “They don't look scary to me.” You couldn't help but feel happy since you would be spending your first Halloween together as a couple with Dean. You lit the newly cut pumpkin that Dean had just made. Your heart seemed to burst with happiness as he glanced at you with pride and affection.

“Nothing is scary for you, isn't it?” Dean immediately gave you a very gentle slap on your ass, making you jump. He shot you a look as you gave him a more powerful spanking through his pants on the ass. He appeared to be in pain.

“Someday, I should give your perty ass a more serious spanking. You really need to learn a lesson. I am telling you.”

You teased him, “I can make your pain go away,” as you hurried to hug him from behind in between laughs. You tuck your head behind his massive arms and wrap your arms around his abdomen. It was difficult for him to do his job while you were being naughty. You enjoyed touching as well as teasing him. It was uncomfortable to watch Dean occupied with anything other than you since he had been battling with pumpkins since the morning. You should have been doing different things.

“How?” Dean arched an eyebrow and said, “Will you kiss my ass?”

“Do you want me to?” You asked confused since you couldn't tell most of the time if he was being serious or joking. It was not necessary to give him a real kiss to soothe his pain, but if that was his desire, you might fulfill it with joy. He had a lovely ass.

“Oh God,” he shook his head and moaned. When you took Dean seriously, he couldn't stop chuckling.

“Don't bring the Lord when we are talking such things, Dean,” you said. He had an excellent connection with words, but he needed to have made more use of them by praying. “Do you really want me to kiss your ass though?”

Grinning, you met his gaze and held it there until he turned to face you. While he was quietly laughing and confusing you even more, Dean jumped when you held his ass behind his back, signaling that you were about to unzip him and plant a kiss there.

“Hold on,” he laughed. “Of course, it wasn't what I meant. Plus, you don't have very tough hands.”

“Okay, you lost the chance. You were on the verge of crying there; don't lie to me.” With a murmur of disappointment, you released his ass. “Also, you should not challenge an angel. I could give you one slap and turn your tight ass scarlet.” Of course, you wouldn't do it.

He grinned at you and released his abdomen, allowing you to see whether you could help him with his pumpkins. “I wouldn't dare,” he said. “Have some mercy, woman.”

“See?” you asked, holding out a little pumpkin that you had lit up and presenting it to Dean. “I'm not always useless. I can apply whatever color you like to make it shine.”

You asked, “What do people do on Halloween?” with curiosity. You had never heard of such a concept before, so you were excitedly awaiting his response, thinking that it would be something amusing for couples like you and Dean.

“We dress up and pretend like we're somebody else or something.” Dean stared at the pumpkin you were holding proudly and attempted to explain, “You're free to wear anything you like, even if it's weird.” It seemed like you were showing off your power as you continued to brighten them.

“Why?”

“It's only a concept, sweetie, and Halloween parties are actually really enjoyable. Trust me. Wearing masks that hide your face, making it impossible for others to recognize you, so that��” Dean abruptly stopped himself before trying to spark jealousy in you, remembering the last Hallowen part he had joined.

“Hmm,” you said, setting the pumpkin on the table while acting understanding. “Give me an example.”

After taking a breath and placing his knife on the table, Dean turned to face you and wrapped his arms over your belly. Right away, your arms found his neck and pressed your body against his. He had neglected you due to the pointless special week and pumpkins.

He put his fingers on your ass through your pajamas and said, “For example,” which made you thrilled. “Do you recall the film we saw the week before? Shrek. Fans of the film and its characters can dress up like them. In addition, a large number of people cosplay as angels and devils. They're wearing wings on their backs.”

Crossing your arms across your chest, you scowled. “Real angels don't wear fake wings.” Then you continued to embrace Dean while attempting to justify your explanation, saying things like, “Our wings are magnificent, and none of those people have seen a real angel in their lives.”

You added, “Demon's wings are simply ugly, but it depends on their rank, of course,” with a chuckle, before Dean said a thing. “Some of their wings are big and very thick. Actually incredibly excellent.” It wasn't appropriate of you to vocally confess that you admired some of their wings, but you spoke before you thought it through.

Dean grimaced as you gave him an ashamed look. “Thick and big, huh?” he said, obviously annoyed by your oversharing.

“To be honest, they are hideous. I loathe them. Not my taste,” you hugged him closer and stressed each word in an attempt to shift the topic. You did your best to lift his mood again by playing with the buttons on his shirt. “Since you're my boyfriend, I just like you the way you are. I take it that my wings are enough for the two of us.”

He gave you a quick kiss on the nose and said, “That's my girl,” which stunned you. It was dirty things you needed, not Halloween stuff. You sighed with anticipation as your mind was flooded with filthy images, and you continued to fiddle with the buttons of Dean's shirt, hoping he wouldn't be decorating pumpkins any longer.

Dean remarked, “Just because you're being a nice angel,” and he briefly kissed you on the lips. “Now close your eyes.”

“Why?”

Dean said, “Just close them,” and waited for you to obey him. You closed your eyes eagerly while your mind raced with dirty ideas, wanting Dean to take action soon.

He continued to tell you not to open your eyes as you heard him go one step further. After a while, you became a bit upset and raised your voice, vowing not to. It was like he was trying to get under your skin on purpose.

You were about to get angry when you heard Dean was returning. You couldn't help but feel excited. Your body was prepared for everything.

Dean said, “All right, you can open your eyes now.”

You were perplexed to see two artificial little wings on his hands, but you didn't want to ruin his joy. Asking, “What's that?” you gently touched the white feather on it.

“I assumed we could go to a Halloween party together. It must be fun and interesting for you to cosplay as an angel. See those plumes.” With excitement, Dean gave an explanation.

You joyfully grabbed the wings from him and examined the feather on it on your own since he appeared to be thrilled. You didn't want to offend Dean, even if the wings were all fake and your wings were more beautiful than those small ones. After all, it was a gift, and he couldn't create real ones for you. He was extremely considerate, in fact.

With a wide smile on your face and your pulse pounding with delight at the thought that he had truly planned to take you to a party and even bought you something, you gave him a firm embrace and left him breathless with a long kiss.

“It's really beautiful. Thank you,” you said, giving him a timid grin that made you happy to see as he exhaled deeply in relief.

“Don't mention it, babe.”

You sat on the couch and played with the feather. Dean followed you. You continued to grasp his lovely present as he drew you closer into his arms and placed your head on his chest. You could see he was proud of himself, even if he didn't say it, since he knew he thought well of gifting such a thing.

You lifted your head to see his response and said, “But don't you think my wings are prettier?” To avoid his becoming used to it, you had just once displayed yours. It was something he had to earn. Well, that was a lie. If he wanted to see it, you would show them straight immediately.

“Yours are wonderful, of course. They're larger,” said Dean. He was aware that your wings were far greater than the ones he had given you.

With pride and happiness in your heart, you gently placed the wings on the coach before turning to face Dean. “And?”

Dean gave you a wide grin as he licked his lips and said, “I didn't know angels had a praise kink,” as you swiftly got on top of him.

“And?” you asked. When he complimented you on your wings and everything else, you absolutely loved it.

Dean put his arms around your abdomen and rolled his eyes, trapping you in his grasp. You could break free at any time, but you enjoyed his behavior when it was this way: passionate and possessive.

He then added, “And,” which made you gasp in anticipation. Dean's lips curled as you slightly moved on his lap. His body underneath you seemed prepared for whatever it was you had planned to offer him.

He was mostly dominating when you had sex, but you knew he was satisfied when you were in control, above him, and at your mercy. It was beyond words to watch him enjoy himself beneath you and know that it was you who was making him feel that way. Dean signaled for you to move by slipping his hands to your hips. You felt him becoming hard under you too, as he peered through your top at your stiffened nipples. You had been waiting for this time since the morning, and at last you were going to do something better.

You urged, “Come on, tell me,” as you began to rub yourself his cock. You could still feel his hardness beneath you, but it would be nicer if he wasn't wearing his sweatpants. Dean reached to put his hands on your tits, but you swiftly stopped him and put them back on your hips.

He was obviously disappointed not to touch you because he needed it, as seen by his clenched jaw. But he needed a lesson.

When your hips on his cock began to move quickly, he groaned, “I'm at a loss for words.” He smiled and pulled you by your back to his body so your nipples touched his chest. “If you come closer a little...” This time, you didn't resist him.

“Like this?” you inquired, abruptly stopping on top of him to make him a little go crazy.

Dean awaited your next move. You dropped your top and exposed your tits to his sight just as he was ready to urge you for more. He always found joy in looking at you with that kind of intensity, as though he wanted to touch every inch of your body. He obviously wanted to. Repositioning your hands on his shoulders, you lifted his chin and met his eyes. He was aching under you, but you'd take what you wanted as well.

“Your wings are,” Dean said playfully. “Softer, nicer, more beautiful, perfect, lovely.” He would have laughed at you, seeing how happy you become with every compliment, if he weren't suffering under you.

His attractive face was seized by your hands on his chest, and you gave him a frantic kiss. When you grabbed his hands and indicated for him to gently stroke your back, where your wings ought to be, Dean was smling on your lips. You became wetter on him the more he stroked your spine. You couldn't stop groaning into his lips because your back and spine were arching with such ecstasy. When Dean began pressing his fingers there, his smile vanished, seeing you getting pleasure.

Just by stroking your back, he was going to ruin you.

You were ready to experience pleasure together when you made the decision to reveal your wings to him again because it was Halloween. You paused to let him catch his breath. “You're a very generous angel today, aren't you?” he said after really feeling your wings between both of his hands. Dean groaned as he took a little back to better see your gigantic wings.

You said, “Just because you're generous too,” and allowed him to touch you because he seemed to like it.

“Is there anything you want me not to do?” Since you weren't displaying your wings very much and you let Dean touch you on a regular basis, he didn't know what exactly to do. Since your relationship was new, this was your chance to move forward. You trusted him with your life. Your spine tingled with excitement as you realized that both of your bodies were covered with your wings, and he was in awe.

With joy, you closed your eyes as his fingertips found every inch on your wings. This is something you ought to have allowed him to do from the very beginning. You leant back in pleasure and let out a loud moan as soon as he touched a sensitive spot. Without knowing if he hurt you or not, Dean's hands stopped right away.

“Don't stop!” Pushing him to continue, you took his hand and placed it in the same location. “Press your fingers a little harder.”

“You're a horny angel, aren't you?” Dean moaned as you began to roll your hips on his hard cock, skillfully caressing the sensitive area, as if he knew just what to do. Each move you made had your tits bouncing. He needed to take care of your wings before he could touch and lick your tits, as you could sense, or else you would lose your mind soon.

“Just for you,” you said with approval as you met his green eyes directly. Your cheeks were flushed with delight. “More.”

"Damn right. Good girl,” he praised once more, making your heart melt with bliss and desire. “Come on, you're almost there.”

Dean encouraged you to move on him quicker by applying more pressure on your hips on his cock with your hips as your moans became louder. He didn't close his eyes while you were experiencing such incredible pleasure that your wings were moving wildly. It was getting hotter by the way he was staring at you, almost as if he were worshipping you. You wanted him to love you as much as you loved him, to cherish and adore you.

You screamed out “Dean!” as your orgasm hit powerfully. Your spine arched with the intensity of the moment, your legs and even your wings trembling wildly. You knew your underwear had been ruined and your walls were squeezing around nothingness.

He began to spill into his boxers with a muffled sigh when your climax triggered his as well. It was both fascinating and existing to see him ruin his sweatpants with his seed.

When you both came to your senses, Dean kissed your forehead, stroked your wings tenderly, and drew you even nearer. You asked, “What now?” as Dean adjusted your top.

As he was still gasping for air, Dean grinned at you since you were so enthusiastic and prepared to go all the way. He didn't move, although he felt somewhat hot under your wings.

He moved your body a bit closer to him and stated, “I need to take a shower, obviously.” He felt like a teenager knowing he just came in his boxers, but it was satisfying.

“Do angels wash their wings?” abruptly asked Dean.

His silly question made you laugh so hard you couldn't stop. You waited for his response after answering, “If you want to know the answer, we can shower together.” Under the water, you could feel each other far more strongly and deeply.

Dean licked his lips and grinned at you, saying, “Well, I can't wait to find out the answer then. Just for scientfic reasons.”

It's a silly little one-shot, but let me know what you think please. Hehehe. You can check my MASTERLIST for more.

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balkanradfem · 9 days ago

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I wanna tell you a story, and I'm not sure if I should publish this; it's embarrassing, it's deeply unflattering, it's naive and horrifying, there's not one bit of it that is positive, but I thought about it today and thought, 'that was messed up', so you know. Temptation to expose my life publicly is stronger than the shame you will inflict on me.

So this happened way back when I was in college, and I cannot overstate how isolated and friendless I was; I lived in a dorm, I had no friends, my roommate was away with her friend group, I was depressed, I had very little social interaction. I didn't even know I was a lesbian. I had taken up running though!

In the city there was a big long riverbank where people would often run, and I liked running there, it was big and grassy and other people would run too, so I felt like I was a part of something. I had a good time! Until, one day, a m*n caught up with me, and started running alongside me.

Now I know you all are smart, and you are thinking, red flag, red flag, but I was not smart. I was 20 and had zero feminist influence in my life, all I was taught was to be extremely polite or it was my fault if I get murdered, so when he started talking to me, I was as nice and polite as possible. He asked how old I was, and was surprised to hear '20', he thought I looked younger. He asked if he could run with me, I said okay, because you know, I was desperately lonely, I thought it was not awful if I was running with another person. He chatted with me, and then asked me for my phone number, which again, I very dumbly gave to him. He, to my absolute horror, memorized it instantly, and recited it back to me several times. He called me a few minutes later to check if it was real. My phone rang. It was real.

He asked if we could run together again, and I again, thought the only polite thing to say was 'yes', so I accepted, and so he called me up to run together few days later. I appeared, feeling much more self-conscious than usual, and this is where things started to go from bad to worse. He insisted we 'stretch first', and instructed me on how to do it, and while this was happening, he found it appropriate to touch me, hug me, put his hands on my arms and shoulder. I would flinch and pull away every time, which he would ignore. I felt uncomfortable and decided to stretch far away from him, but he would just follow me and get closer.

After running for half an hour, I was too tired, so we walked, and he started talking to me about his work and his previous relationship. His work was in finances, and it was so boring to listen to, I could not keep track. I dozed off thinking how, despite not having any human interaction in a long time, this was the most bored I ever was. Then he started talking about a woman he used to be with, calling her a gold-digger, and a w-slur. I hated that. I could tell he was trying to 'compare us' and subtly tell me that he thinks I'm different, because I'm a humble little innocent girl who would never want his money, but all I could think of was 'he was supposedly in love with her, but now he can call her names like that? It's only a matter of time before he decides I'm worthless too.' I was naive, but I wasn't taking women-hatred lightly.

I could see him staring at me when I ran and walked, his eyes lingered on places that made me feel uncomfortable. I had originally thought he wanted to be friends, because he was so much older than me it was ridiculous to even imagine he'd want something romantic with me, but seeing how he touched me, and how he was staring me down, I figured there was something weird going on.

We are again at a point where you'd be free to judge me, and okay, but listen; the times were different, it was 2010, the discourse was not what it is now. And I was scared. Okay. So. I knew I felt threatened by the idea that this m*n would maybe try something sexual with me, and I wanted to make sure to cut that idea short. So when he was saying suggestive stuff, I said 'hey you should know I'm asexual.' (I didn't exactly believe this, I just felt it was the only safe way to let him know I'm not interested. The gentlest rejection!) And he said 'no you're not'. To which I was a little shocked. And he went with a conspiratory tone 'you don't know how those people are, they hate sex'. And I'm like 'Yes, I do too!' and he just decided to not accept this. He decided I didn't know what I was saying, and didn't know myself enough to decide such a thing.

Next time we went running, he actually groped me.

When I got home, I realized I was terrified of him. I didn't want to come close to him again. But the female socialization of being polite, giving people whatever pleases them, never disappointing anyone or failing to be of use to them, was suffocating me. I couldn't pinpoint just what this m*n has done to wrong me, all I knew is that I felt unsafe, and I would be trembling in anxiety thinking about seeing him ever again. I wished I had anyone to tell about this. I was so alone that nobody ever knew this was happening to me.

I was wrecking my brain for several days, lost about what to do about this, before finally figuring it out. I found a way around the pressure to be accommodating. I could tell this person was looking at me sexually, and obviously I didn't want to do anything like that, so if I kept meeting him, it was the equivalent of 'leading him on', which they hated, and it was more polite to be upfront! And if I could pinpoint something actually wrong he has done (my poor brain could not yet conceptualize that my body was in fact, violated) then it was okay for me to cut ties.

Okay so this is where the stupidity continues; I didn't think it was polite to end something over a text message. I went to do it in person. I know. I know you're yelling right now. I'm sorry! I didn't know any better!

So he called me, and I appeared in my non-running shoes, which he immediately criticized. I explained then, that I came to say goodbye. I said he was looking at me weird (which he denied) and that I felt uncomfortable (which he felt I had no right to). He tried to convince me that it's good to keep exercising, and I mentioned I actually did other forms of exercise, for instance I had a big bag I liked to punch, and I was really good at it. (This was my way of saying, hey I know I look small but I can fight, I can punch. I did actually exercise with a punching bag too). He absolutely hated that. He told me I should not be doing that, that women should not be punching bags, it was a horrible idea. And that's where I clocked him. I understood, from that reaction, that he hated the idea of me being physically strong, and being able to fight back if he attacks me. Once I had that clear in my head, it was easier to cut ties. I told him I didn't want to run with him anymore, and to please not call me again. He was extremely displeased and aggravated, but, we were in public, there wasn't much he could do. I made sure he wasn't following me home. I came back shivering, in disbelief that I managed to get myself out of that.

So yeah, nothing else happened! It was just an extremely uncomfortable and scary experience I had, a week and a half that I spent terrified of a male that I gave my own number to, not understanding he was 'not just wanting to be friends'. Not understanding that 'you're 20? You look younger' from a 30-40yo male was already a red flag, that he approached me because he thought I was a child. Looking back it is a miracle that I managed to get out of that on my own, without ever consulting another person. I am sobbing at the fact that I thought 'oh sure this creepy old male wants to befriend me' and 'I should go and reject him in person' my goodness.

But this is how we're taught to act, isn't it? If we, as young women, try to look at m*n as predators, we get told off and that we're oppressing them and causing injustice to them and hurting their feelings! So I couldn't have had any bad thoughts about him or I was a sexist, unjust, awful and oppressive b-slur. I couldn't have told him no or I was unfair for not giving him a chance! Maybe I should have let him do whatever and try to just enjoy it – that's how I've been taught to give up my own safety and boundaries, for all my life.

So don't judge me too harshly okay? I did get away from him, and from multiple consecutive creeps. And I never, ever gave a male my number again. If socialization taught me nothing, this experience did. Can you imagine if I consulted someone though, and they told me I was being too harsh on him, since he did nothing wrong, and that I should have tried to make him happy instead? Because it's very likely that would have happened. I think in a way, my loneliness and lack of outside influence protected me too.

#male predators #radical feminism #feminism #creep story #trying to fend off a predator as a young woman #do not think you need to be polite when you're in danger

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yandere-romanticaa · 7 months ago

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More yandere mortician? I miss our pookie

𝐥𝐮𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐨𝐞.

yandere! mortician oc! x fem! reader.

masterlist.

Despite it being the start of the warm month of May, this day was anything but.

Soft rain tapped against the window, giving the grey office a slight hint of a cozier ambience. Viktor was working and you had made the decision to stick around in his office, at least until the horrible weather had subsided.

As if on cue, a strong ray of thunder roared loudly in the sky, telling you everything that you needed to know - you were stuck here, possibly for the entire evening.

No matter. Despite his demeanor, Viktor was a decent source of entertainment.

And just like that you made your way down the metallic stairs, a slight pep in your step as you pondered on the various ideas on how to mess with your new friend. He once confessed on accident that he didn't mind your endless ramblings.

Now it was time to see just how true that statement was.

You heard him first before you saw him. Viktor liked to hum this one tune you never could recognize but judging from the pacing, it was most likely some old lullaby. He would hum it whenever he was lost deep in his head, which was the exact case right at this moment.

Slowing down your pace, you hid behind a wooden cabinet, silently watching Viktor. Despite his back being turned towards you, the scalpel in his hand still glimmered brightly underneath the dim office light. Soft strands of his jet black hair were loose in his messy low ponytail, which would typically make you swoon if the situation were any different.

You forgot just how awful the smell was down here. The stench of chemicals and death made you want to gag, but doing so would expose your presence. Although, you should have registered his sudden silence before that thought came to you.

"I know you're behind me." said Viktor. Even with that flat tone he had used, you could just tell that he had a proud little smirk on his face.

He raised his scalpel high in the air in a dramatic fashion, his own way of telling you to come to him.

"You're more than welcome to join me..." he spoke as he quickly but skillfully lowered the metallic tool, slicing deeply into the flesh of the now rotting corpse which lay on his table.

"... if you can stomach this."

Ugh. Not a lot of people could stomach such a sight but you felt brave at that moment. After composing all of the possible bravado you had in you, the walk towards Viktor did not feel as nauseating as you thought it would. But the moment you caught a glimpse of the fleshless face of the dead man before you, the instinct to turn your head was too much to handle.

Viktor couldn't help but to chuckle, the bastard.

Not knowing how to approach him with any topic of conversation, you asked him the first thing which came to mind:

"I often hear you sing that song to yourself when you work. What's it about?"

Viktor abruptly stopped with his slicing, his body going rigid. An uncomfortable silence fell upon the entire room, causing you to tense up. Before you could even think to say something, Viktor spoke up:

"It's an old song my mother used to sing to me when I was very young."

He continued with his work seemingly without a care, never once even bothering to glance in your direction. The awful squelching of the dead flesh made your blood pump wildly as Viktor continued to speak normally.

"I never realized just how morbid the song was until very recently." he said, slicing away at the dead man's cheekbone. You didn't even need to ask him about what he was talking about as Viktor was something of a mind reader (or so you liked to call him).

"... The song is about a little rabbit which got lost in a big forest."

Another piece of flesh gets discarded. Still, he doesn't look at you.

"It searches for food and water wherever it possibly can, the poor thing."

Out of the corner of your eye, your spot droplets of crimson blood on the floor, taunting you for coming down here. The smell is too powerful, too overbearing. Even so, Viktor continues to elaborate.

"Unfortunately, the rabbit doesn't survive the winter. It's a sad song, don't you agree?"

His words fell on deaf ears as your gaze traveled up and down the body, the skilled cuts and injections leaving you gasping for air. A warm hand made its way to your shoulder, snapping you out of the morbid daze. Viktor's gaze was sharp, but sweet. He wasn't going to hurt you.

"You can always just go back upstairs, if you can't handle it."

Another clap of thunder rang loudly in the background. The already dimmed light felt as though it was going to give in any moment now, making you feel anxious.

... You thought that you had gotten used to this, the atmosphere, the smells.

What a horrible reminder of your weakness.

Without a word, you turned around and quickly rushed up the scary looking stairs, their squeaking boards giving you an ever growing sensation of being free from the smell.

Viktor turned back to the body he was working on. With a tut, he cleaned his trusty scalpel as he gazed down at the bloody remains, his eyes sparkling with determination.

"It's a good thing I started with your face first." said the mortician.

"Otherwise, I fear she would have recognized you almost immediately."

And with that, Viktor set out to finish his horrific deed. He was not sure how much time he had left before you would start catching on to the mysterious disappearances around town but he thanked his lucky stars for all the extra time he could spend with you.

🥀 TAGS: @shamelessdarkprince, @latolover, @samuraijack, @moyazami, @sunhareskies, @red-viewe, @kate03-27, @black-swan-blog27

If you wish to be tagged in future posts, feel free to say so!

Also, fun fact about the song Viktor was singing, it's not something I made up, it's an actual song my own mother often sang to me when I was a child.

#a quick little thing before I'm off to sleep #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere imagines #yancore #yanderecore #yandere aesthetic #yandere male #yandere oc #yandere oc x reader #yandere oc x you #yandere oc x y/n #yandere mortician #yandere mortician x reader #mortician #yandere viktor

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yandere-kokeshi · 9 months ago

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How would TF141+Konig,Nikolai react if their reader drunk and told them about how reader family used to sold reader at brotherel.

Warnings: yandere behavior, talks about prostitution, mention of trauma, and foreshadowing on murdering.

A/N: Definitely took my time writing this, so I hope you enjoy it!

Captain “Price” John:

Whiplashes at you, nearly breaking his neck as he places his cold-glass down on the table.

“Sorry, what?”

He’s pissed. He cannot fathom why anyone could possibly do something so awful to his sweet darling, but he’s heartbroken, too. His heart shatters when you explain it, going into detail of what happened. And soon, John’s hands find themselves on yours within a heartbeat, thumbs grazing over your knuckles, and squeezes them occasionally.

If you blow it off, saying it’s no biggie, John gets angrier. It’s not fine, and his tone is firm, and large hands that’s on top of yours aren’t letting go. And soon, he softens — bringing you into his lap, kissing the crown of your head. Hands running up and down your back, whispering to you of how special you are.

And soon enough, later that night when you’re sleeping, his mind is wide-awake and angered. Wondering if your family is worthwhile to get a visit, teach ‘em a lesson or two.

From now on, John is so gentle with you; checking in with you first and won’t push you for anything. He even suggests therapy, or perhaps couple-therapy, to help you in some way. He wants you to know he’s here for you, as that’s all you have.

Your parents are nowhere to be seen. The news has reported them missing, and it’s weird that John had come home after an hour when their bodies had been found, right?

—

Simon “Ghost” Riley:

Whiplashes so hard, his neck popped as he looked at you. The cheap beer that you and him were drinking is set down, the loud clanking making the silence even louder, and his brown-doe eyes are staring at you.

“You bein’ serious?”

Simon is fuming, absolutely seething with rage at how they used and hurt you. And he’s extremely tempted to find all of them and break every single bone in their miserable body. How on the earth could they hurt and betray you, you, the literal light in his life like that?

“Love, you can’t jus’ drop a bomb like that and expect me to be all natural with it,” His tone seethed. He tries to soften it, he really does, but his rage with what you’ve just told him is starting to seep through the built-in cracks. And it’s clearly showing his not-so pretty side.

But as soon as he sees your face, his heart re-breaks all over again. And within seconds, he pulls you into his arms, whispering sweet words of love and promises of safety; kissing every part he can reach until you tell him to stop.

If you haven’t already cut ties with your family, Simon immediately does it for you — anger shown and his tone sharp. He removes them from any way possible of how they could connect to you, even going as far to put a restraining order against them. But, if they decide to be snide, and try to take you back? Simon is more than happy to use his physical strength to scare them away.

—

Kyle “Gaz” Garrick:

He laughs uncomfortably, before he really thinks and chews on the words a little more. His eyebrows crease against each other, fingers tightening around the beer bottle, as he looks at you very concerned.

“Wait– what was that?”

Kyle watches you go on, rambling about it as if it’s not a big deal, and he’s in pure shock. He’s not sure if you’re putting a brave face on, or if it’s the alcohol, but either way, it’s making him mad. His hands are shaking, his heart thundering in his chest, mind going a mile a minute, trying to understand the concept, but he can’t seem to get past the anger part.

“Baby… when did this happen?” he generally questions, uncomfortably shifting in his seat as he looks for something in you. He’s worrying. Wonder what it’s done to you, someone he loves so deeply, and he can’t fathom the idea that something so horrific happened to you.

Within seconds, he apologizes. Brown eyes looking at yours, barely forming tears. He’s pulling you into a tight hug, holding you deeply, and finding a way to blame himself. If he’d known you sooner, maybe it wouldn’t have happened. He could’ve protected you.

But, that doesn’t help the situation — so he focuses on you, helping you through things and ensuring you’ll be safe. Because you’ll always be with him.

Kyle tries to help you in every shape and form, making sure your boundaries are set and that he follows them knee-deep. And that, of course, your family doesn’t come near you. If they try to push through the cracks, he’s immediately acting viciously. And it’s not pretty.

—

Johnny “Soap” MacTavish:

He chokes on his drink, coughing up a storm. Hitting him like a ton of bricks, and somehow, you look at him like he’s the one who said some type of sex joke at the wrong time.

“I– beg your pardon?”

He’s right in the same area with Ghost, furious in many aspects. His face shows it. His body language, and thick voice. When you’re describing the multiple incidents, it just makes him want to track down your family and rip them in two.

Comfort is immediately given, Johnny’s arms find yours within seconds, and you’re brought into a cuddle session — one where he kisses every part, and promises that you’ll never have to face them again. He looks at you, blue eyes just admiring you before kissing your cheek, “Nobody will hurt ya’ again, swear on my and ma’s life, sweets.”

And he goes with it. Days pass, and he’s still thinking about it. He sees you so strongly, and how you’re able to go about your day and act as if it’s normal; his heart beats faster at your sewn thoughts of even crying.

Without saying, Johnny despises your family. A bitter emotion that can be easily shown if you bring them up into a conversation. His hands crunch in remembrance of their scared face, and you won’t be seeing them anymore. You can’t.

—

König:

He just looks at you, seemingly going deeper into your soul. Which, of course, creeps you out. König watches you explain, with a flushed look, and he’s tasting iron in his mouth from how hard he’s biting his cheek.

“Hase, what’d you say?”

He just keeps staring at you. And he doesn’t want you to think he’s angry at you, because he’s not — never in a million years, but it’s devastating to him. How could someone, a family that you’re supposed to trust, do that to you?

“König?” your voice brings him out of his deep thoughts, bloody thoughts, and he just looks at you before bringing you into his chest; a man, so large and beefy, has a voice so little and fragile, that you could barely hear it. He sighs, “Why did you hide it? I’d much rather you talk to me, okay?”

He’s obviously affected, but not as much as you are. He’s in a state of disbelief, and the fact you just blurted it out, whilst in a vulnerable state, makes him sick.

He’s unbelievably more clingy the next few days, ensuring you know your own worth and how strong you are. Everywhere you go, he’s touching you — smoothing the wrinkles in your clothes as his hands crawl underneath the fabric. Kissing you and nearly suffocating you with his weight.

As for your family, he ignores and diverts the questions of them into a different conversation. He doesn’t want to scare you, but with the things he’s done, König is certain you’d be smart to connect the dots.

—

Nikolai:

Not a single laugh, or fun look comes from Nikolai. He’s immediately concerned, the shot glass being put down as he really looks at you, biting his lip.

“Think that’s enough alcohol, Lyubimyy. Why don’t we head to bed, hm?”

He doesn’t necessarily react — but more so tries to make you sidetrack so you two can focus on something else. Until, the next morning, is where he re-brings it up and asks. He’s concerned, dark eyes showing sadness that’s covered by anger. But your feelings matter. They will always come first. And when he sees your reaction, Nikolai quickly understands, “We can talk whenever you’re ready, mkay lovey?”

Nikolai comforts you with the best of his abilities, ensuring that you’re not a burden. You’re the complete opposite, and you’re so strong. His hugs become deeper, kisses become longer and more intimate.

And the gifts he brings home, even to the grocery store, are enormous. His sly smile as he carries them in definitely takes your head off some things, no?

Your parents are immediately cut out of your life. Nikolai has secrets of his own, and once in a while, he has to take out the dirty trash, right? Before he leaves for the day, a mission needed for Laswell, he promises to be back before 5 PM; and he does, arriving all giddy and flirty. But his hands seem a bit too warm, a bit odd.

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borathae · 1 month ago

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↳ Index [Day 23 - Footjob]

Pairing: needy sub!Namjoon x service Domme!Reader

Genre: established relationship!AU

Kinks: foot massage with oil, using oil as lube, footjob, dirty talk, praise, loving degradation (my needy boy), he kneels for her, he wears glasses & a jumper do with this information what you want, he cums on her feet, cunnilingus, cuddly aftercare

Wordcount: 3.2k

a/n: so uhm i didn’t have a good day when i wrote this and i hope you guys can’t notice it fjsdafjsa anyway, why is sub!joon the hottest thing ever? i might need to take a walk tbfh

You didn’t have the best day. One of your co-workers is a jealous, passive aggressive woman and she more often than not pisses you off. Today was such a day. If you weren’t so civilised, you would call her the rudest names. But you are civilised and so you are left brooding in your own soup of annoyance.

Still boiling in it, you call out for your long-term partner as you take off your outdoor clothes.

“Baby, I’m home!”

“Living room!”

The sound of his voice already cheers you up a lot. You cannot wait to see him and tell him all about this annoying human. You leave your bag on the dresser in the hallways, washing your hands in the toilet sink as you pass it on your way to Namjoon.

Once finally cleaned of the day and the dirty outside, you hurry straight to your love. He has some jazz music playing quietly and scented candles burning.

Like on most days, Namjoon relaxes on the couch with a book in his hands. He looks at you over the brim of his glasses. His dark hair is styled into a handsome side-part today and he is wearing an ivory jumper with baggy jeans.

“Oh no, was she being annoying again?” he asks, lowering the book.

“Is it that obvious?”

“To me it is.” He puts the book aside and opens his arms. “Tell me everything.”

“She is so fucking annoying, you have no idea. I could actually just punch her one day. Maybe I’ll do it…”, you begin ranting, settling into his arms.

Namjoon listens to you intently, talking whenever necessary and reacting in shock or disgust whenever it is appropriate. By the time you are finally finished, you feel lighter in your chest.

You rest your head on his strong chest, caressing his stomach gently. The music sways you into a state of tranquillity, his loving touches do the rest. His pulse is so relaxing to listen to, making you forget all about your day. He also smells so good.

“This just helped me so intensely, you have no idea”, you whisper into the silence.

“That’s good to hear”, he says, kissing the crown of your head. His voice is so, so, so nice to listen to when you have your ear against his chest. He is like your very own relaxation helper.

“And what about you? How was your day? I came home and started yapping”, you say, craning your neck to look at his face.

“That’s alright. I’m always here to listen. I had a good day. I drove my bike along Han River, went to an exhibition and then read. I’ve been lost in this book ever since I came home.”

You chuckle, “that sounds like a perfect day for you. I’m happy to hear that you had a good day.”

He leans in to kiss your lips. You kiss him back with a smile. You end the affection with a soft rub to his cheek, gazing at him.

“My day’s good too now that I’m home. You’re so handsome, my darling.”

He smiles with his eyes, “you’re beautiful too, darling. I love this skirt on you.”

“Yeah? I kinda regret wearing it.”

“Why?”

“The shoes I wore to it were uncomfortable. My feet are aching like crazy. Urgh, I need to throw out these damned shoes. They’re always making my feet hurt.”

“Should I take care of it?”

“What? Throwing out my shoes?”

“No. Giving you a massage.”

You grin, “is it gonna end in you begging me to step on you again?”

He laughs deeply, “in my defence, it’s not my fault that you have sexy feet. And that was one time.”

“Lies. You almost do this every time you massage my feet.”

“Yeah, well…” he doesn’t know what to say to that, looking caught in a lie.

You chuckle, “you’re lucky that you’re so cute. Otherwise I would curse at you for being a horndog.”

He lowers his eyes shyly, showing off his dimples in a big grin. You tilt his head back up, making him look at you. His eyes carry a certain sparkle in them, which they only get when he is with you. It is devoted and submissive.

“Yes, you can massage my feet. Including all the consequences. If you insinuated what I’m thinking you did.”

Namjoon gulps, licking his lips after. He nods his head, whispering his words. “Yeah, I was insinuating that.”

“Good, then get on with it”, you taunt, kissing his lips.

Namjoon kisses you back with a soft moan, sitting up for it to get closer to you. You allow him the heaven for a little while before breaking away. He whines softly, chasing you but you don’t allow him more. This is exactly what you wanted to happen. Give him a taste of paradise only to break away and make him hungry for more.

“Go on, be a good boy”, you order.

“Yes, ma’am”, he says and stumbles off the couch to get the oil.

Today will not be the first time Namjoon massages your feet and it is definitely not the first time you make something sexy out of it. Your teasing was not just teasing, it was the truth. There were many occasions where you and he ended up having sex from a foot massage. Sometimes it ends in him wanting to be stepped on while you call him your needy slut. Sometimes it ends in him kissing your feet and promising his undivided devotion forever. And sometimes it ends in you jerking him off with your feet until he releases all over you.

It is so much fun to do and it is a fairly new kink you and he discovered.

The awesome thing about being long-term partners is that you are with each other when you change and rediscover yourselves. Namjoon didn’t always have a kink for feet, neither did you. It is a recent discovery you made together one night. Namjoon was kneeling in front of you, begging to eat your pussy, when you decided to trace his cock with your foot. It turned him on so much, which turned you on in return. You and he haven’t been the same ever since, including the kink in your sex life from time to time.

You can’t wait to feel it tonight. And Namjoon seems to share your feelings as he almost stumbles over his own feet when he hurries back to you.

“Careful, don’t break something now.”

“I’m so excited, you have no idea.”

“I can’t tell at all”, you tease sarcastically.

He falls to his knees in front of you, fumbling to open the oil bottle.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Hm?”

You lift your right foot and place it against his chest. Namjoon inhales sharply, having to gulp as you dance your foot down his torso.

“I’m still wearing my stockings.”

“Oh? Right. Sorry.”

He takes them off carefully, folding them neatly before placing them to the side.

You put one of your feet on his thigh and the other you rub on his chest again.

“Now get to work.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Namjoon finally opens the oil bottle, pouring some of it into the palm of his hands. He rubs them together, warming the oil this way. Once he seems happy with it, he meets your eyes.

You instantly understand, placing your foot into his hands. You relax back, lowering your lids halfway in a playful yet tranquil manner.

Namjoon instantly gets to work, moving his skilled fingers along the aches and tensions in your foot. He wants to do a good job. It might end in sex later, but Namjoon will be damned if he didn’t make sure that your feet actually stopped aching. This is supposed to help you first and be something sexy second.

“That’s amazing, Joonie. You’re doing such a good job”, you praise.

“Is there a spot which hurts most?”

“Just the middle of my sole. It feels so sore.”

Namjoon glides his fingers to it and tries to relax it with eager circles and pressure.

“Yes, right there. Mhhhhm so good”, you gush, closing your eyes and rolling your head back.

Namjoon shifts a little because of your reaction. The noises you make are so sexy to him. He knows not to act up yet however, working hard to relax your foot instead.

Once he is done with your right foot, he repeats what he did on your left foot. He spreads the oil first, starting off on your ankles and making his way to your toes. He lingers on the spots which seem sore and tense, helping you to complete relaxation like this.

“Ma’am?”

“Are you finished?”

“Yes, I-”

“No, you’re not. Massage my calves as well”, you order and put your feet on his thighs, dangerously close to his cock.

Namjoon inhales sharply, watching with a dizzy head how you smirk to yourself. He gulps. You are doing this on purpose.

“Yes, ma'am”, he croaks. He covers his hands in more oil and begins the massage.

“There we go, such a good boy”, you purr, parting your legs.

You make him dizzy. Everything about this is starting to turn him on. Your praise, your voice, your open legs and your feet on his thighs. Judging by the faint smirk still present on your lips, this stopped being innocent relaxation for you as well.

He is allowed to be turned on by it. Namjoon cannot control the voices anymore and so he lowers his head to your inner thigh to kiss you in devotion.

“Huh?” you gasp and lift your head. A chuckle leaves you. “Now, what are you doing here?”

Namjoon lifts his head, grasping your ankles desperately.

“I can’t think straight anymore. Please I…please.”

The smirk grows, your eyes flicker playfully. You straighten up.

“Then take off your pants, will you?”

“Yes ma’am. Thank you ma’am”, he stutters and gets out of them, working as quickly as possible to slip out of his jeans.

He stands up for it but instantly falls to his knees again once bared. You wave him closer with a wiggle of your finger.

“There we go. Look at how hard you already are”, you taunt, rubbing your feet up and down his thighs.

His cock twitches each time you come close to it.

“Please.”

His begs satisfy you and so you lift your feet to fulfil his wish.

You put them on each side of his cock, meeting his eyes. He is breathing so heavily, pupils widened.

“Go ahead now, cover them in oil.”

“Yes, ma’am”, Namjoon obeys, biting his lower lip at the feeling of oil trickling down his cock. It is so cold in comparison to your warm soles.

You begin moving as he still pours the oil, forcing him to twitch and accidentally spill more than necessary.

“What a needy boy. That’s enough”, you say, chuckling fondly.

Namjoon places the bottle aside and instantly grips the rug, rolling his head back. A deep moan slips off his tongue, letting you know just how good it feels for him.

It feels amazing for you as well. His cock is really hot to the touch, a clear indicator of his desperation. It is also so soft and fragile. One wrong movement and you could squeeze him painfully. The power you have over him and the trust he puts into you is making you delirious. You switch your eyes between his blissed out face and the view of your feet.

The oil made them messy and allows them to glisten in the candle light. Each time you move them down to his base, his flushed cockhead appears between them, looking wetter and wetter each time you do.

You can’t do a lot of variations of the movement because the position limits it, but that’s alright for you. This is the perfect way to jerk off his cock. You can see everything. His meaty thighs tensing and twitching each time you rub your feet on his tip, his stomach and chest flexing and flinching each time you drag your feet down his veiny shaft and his blissed out face changing and contorting in pleasure.

“You look so handsome like this, darling. Kneeling for me is really your best look”, you coo, rubbing your feet back and forth on his tip. You can squeeze it gently like this, watching in delight how it moves between your feet.

Namjoon answers you with the sweetest moans, arching his back as best as possible. He loves it when he kneels for you. Everything about it is perfect to him. The loss of power, how small he suddenly is, the fact that he can look up at you and that you look down at him in return, the total surrender of control. He is completely and totally in the palms of your hands when he kneels and there is nothing sweeter to him. Although, palms of your hands might be wrong choice of words today. He is very much in the soles of your feet and it makes him want to pray to your name.

Maybe he does. Maybe he moans your name with such submission that you have to moan as well.

“Why are you praying to my name like that, mhm? Is it the kneeling or how I’m playing with your pretty cock?” you taunt, applying a little more pressure just to tease.

“Both”, Namjoon croaks, leaking all over your toes. It is so warm and slick, making it easier to please him.

“Both, I see. You’re such a needy boy then, aren’t you?”

“Yes, needy. Your needy boy.”

“My needy boy?”

Namjoon nods his head vigorously, bucking his hips up against his will. He keeps doing it, chasing the pleasure your feet give him. You let him, watching him with widened eyes and a tingling stomach.

“I see. My needy boy.”

“___”, Namjoon croaks, thighs trembling especially aggressively.

He rolls his head to the front and opens his eyes, instantly moaning loudly at the view. He knew that it would look sexy, because it feels so good, but it’s better than he imagined it to be. Your feet are so wet and oily and beautiful and perfect and beautiful and… his brain keeps repeating the same words, going foggy at the same time. The movements are suddenly so much more clearer to feel, seeping into his fibres deeper than before. He twists the rug as best as possible and moves his hips with more vigour.

“Does this feel good to you, darling?”

“Yes, so good. It’s insane”, he moans, following it up with the sweetest noises.

You match his sounds, keeping your feet still to allow him movement. He is chasing his orgasm. You know that he is because of how eager his hips twitch into your hold. He is basically rutting into you, using your slippery feet for pleasure. His dark hair hangs messily into his face and his glasses slipped down the slope of his button nose. He must be really hot in his jumper because his neck is slightly sweaty and his tanned skin flushed.

The part most flushed however is his cock. Hard and throbbing and so, so red it leaks just for you. And that means something with Namjoon because his cock is normally a pretty tan colour as well. This is feeling really good to him for his cock to flush that much.

“I, I don’t know if can- ah uhm, woah, I can…mhmm fuck. Fuck, I don’t know”, he is stuttering, changing between rasping and whimpering the words. How wonderful he is when he loses control over his voice.

“Whenever you need to, darling. I’m right here”, you encourage him, rubbing your feet back and forth.

“Shit! ___!” he yelps, losing the fight against pleasure. He gasps, grinds his teeth and growls, cock finally spurting all over your feet in a messy, hot orgasm.

“That’s it baby, that’s it. Cum for me, such a good boy. My needy boy, cum all over my feet, you messy boy”, you talk him through it, feeling dizzy at the sexy view. This is getting you off as if you were the one having an orgasm right now.

Namjoon finishes after five aggressive thrusts of his hips, flinching back and therefore releasing his sensitive cock from your feet.

“Fuck, that was intense”, he presses out, holding your ankles. He is breathing heavily, head rolled back and mouth agape. His chest heaves up and down quickly, stretching the material of the jumper.

You kind of just enjoy the moment, gazing at him and thinking to yourself that he is the hottest man to ever exist.

“You’re a fucking goddess”, he gets out, making you chuckle.

“You’re a needy boy.”

“Mhm, I am. I bloody am”, he agrees and purrs, rolling his head to the front lazily. He gives you a tired yet happy smile, lifting your feet to his lips afterwards to lick the cum off them.

“What the heck? Oh my god, that’s hot”, you gasp, dropping into the pillow naturally. He made you lose balance, but you don’t mind. What he is doing right now is the hottest thing he ever did.

Namjoon purrs and slurps happily until your feet are squeaky clean. His hunger still remains however and so he puts your legs on his shoulders and licks sloppy paths up your inner thighs. Your breath speeds up more and more the closer to your pussy he gets.

He disappears under your skirt. Your knees are now bending over his back.

“My goddess”, he lulls, tugging your panties to the side and connecting his tongue with your wet pussy.

“Joon!” you yelp, arching your back. “Holy fuck!”

Namjoon purrs, thanking you for the pleasure with skilled laps of his tongue. He would never dare to take an orgasm from you without giving you one in return. You are his everything, the reason why he breathes. Your pleasure is so important to him that it would feel wrong not to eat you out right now. You are so wet and soft and swollen. Just imaging that he could have left you in such a state makes Namjoon angry. He pulls you closer with his strong arms wrapped around your thighs, using his plumb lips to rub your sensitive pussy.

“Wow, what the fuck?” you get out, squirming from side to side and arching your back. You do these two movements alternatively, unable to decide on which one you love more.

You won’t last long anymore, but that was never your goal. You want to fucking orgasm like he wanted his’. The day was long, it was stressful and annoying and this orgasm would make all of it go away. There is no better way than to truly leave the day behind than climaxing on Namjoon’s skilled tongue.

And you do, oh you fucking do.

“I’m cumming, darling”, you moan, feeding him your orgasm a second later.

Namjoon eats it up happily, moaning with you and keeping his tongue still so you could hump his face until you are satisfied.

“Fuck, this was perfect. God, come here you.”

You pull him from under your skirt after your high died down, kissing him messily and giggling when he falls atop of you clumsily. His glasses are fogged up and tilted to the side, his hair is a mess and his puffy lips taste like you. This is perfect. Everything about this is perfect.

Namjoon would agree, melting into your embrace with a fluttering heart and a tingling stomach.

“Was nice, really nice”, he mumbles.

“Yeah, so nice”, you agree, smiling with him because it is amazing to be together.

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a-star-that-burns-brightly · 3 months ago

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[ content warning: discussion of in-canon sexual abuse ] Maybe it’s just because I’m not too active in the ALNST fandom and mostly observe from afar, but I think this fandom brushed aside way too quickly the fact that Till was sexually assaulted. I have never seen anyone talk in depth about like, what that actually means in terms of his arc and the storytelling of his character. Which I find deeply, deeply upsetting because holy fucking shit.

This man right here has been told, basically his entire life, that not only is he himself not worthy of being treated as a human, but that his body is not his body, but a piece of property that can be owned. And whoever owns his property can use it for whatever, and however they wish. Now, dehumanization is nothing new or unique in this world, obviously. The very concept of Pet Humans is dehumanizing by nature, leaving all six of our main characters as victims to it, even those who are more well-off like Mizi. But Till is a specially fucked up case almost distinctly unlike the rest, because he is actually treated like a fucking dog.

(x) Ivan: If you keep rebelling like that, they won’t ever remove your collar you know? Till: This annoying bastard… — Ivan: I told you so, didn’t I? You didn’t listen? Till: This annoying bastard... (translation courtesy of @leiikos on youtube)

(x)

An unruly animal who needs to be leashed up and put in it’s place. Animals, as is common knowledge, are not on the same level as a human being. But they are ordained to follow the commands of those above them. And if someone (thing) isn’t doing as it is told…

It deserves to be taught better. But I’m getting ahead of myself. This is the mindset that has followed Till his entire life by the ones who were supposed to take care of him. He is not human, even less human than the existing inhuman. He is a pet, even more so than the other pets, an animal. A thing. Property. Something to own. And the best thing about owning something?

You gain the ability to do whatever you want to it. Till’s body was not his from the start. It was used as something to toy around with, experiment with, to train and train and train, presumably for his whole life. His body, his skin, his flesh and bone and blood, it was all nothing more than a plaything. So what if he screams? Just ignore it. Or don’t. If this competition has taught us anything, voices have the most value of all. On top of it being reinforced that Till is not deserving of humanity, he is also not deserving of his bodily autonomy. People are free to do whatever they want with his body because it’s not his body, it’s theirs. And that brings us, finally, to the scene itself

He can’t sing her song, he refuses to. This isn’t the first time he’s refused to do something, far from it actually. What was once an innocent puppy with dilated hope in his eyes has grown into an angry, disobedient mutt. And we know what happens to an animal that refuses to do what they’re told. But there’s something interesting about dogs, or rather about the ones they descended from, the wolf: When the circumstances call for it, they will bite the hand that’s supposed to feed them.

And here is where I intrude to remind you that this is the only time we see anyone physically fighting back against the aliens in the confines of Alien Stage. We see Hyuna and Mizi fucking up aliens in All In, but that was after they had escaped from the cage. And you could make a case for Mizi trying to escape the grasp of the guards that grabbed her in Ruler of My Heart, but from what we saw she didn’t actually lay a hand on them and more so just tried to force herself out of their grasp. though if you disagree with me on that that's fine Here though? Till has this bitch’s face grabbed into his palm with a bottle in hand ready to smash it directly in between it’s eyes. I consider this to be the first act of physical violence shown against the aliens within the uncomfortably tight enclosure. And it’s triggered not because of anything personally done to Till, which on its own could probably fill a list that reaches the ground. But because of the prospect of Mizi being dead. Till knows that this place is shit, that his life is shit. Said so directly on his profile.

Dislikes: Everyone, including Guardian Urak (translation courtesy of @kh47uo on twitter)

But he stays regardless because Mizi is there. If Mizi is dead, Till has absolutely nothing to lose…Right?

I can almost imagine him thinking: There’s nothing you can put me through that’s worse than every other way you’ve hurt me. …But there was. Oh there was.

A final, disgusting message to the pet to put him back in his place. Back on his leash. Making sure he will never forget where he stands for the rest of his days.

And that is really what the sexual assault of Till represents to me. It is a cruel reminder to Till that fighting back is impossible, having hope, being free, it might as well be a fool's fantasy. He will always be less-than-human, less than anything. His body will always be the property of the ones that were supposed to protect him, claimed, and then used used used until it’s worn out and dead.

And the aliens chose to exemplify that fact in the most direct way they possibly could.

So what if he screams? Just ignore it. Or don’t. If this competition has taught us anything, screams have the most value of all

#if you can't tell my rewatch has left me with a lot of thoughts.#sorry that this is kind of half-analysis-half-unnecessary prose #uh. till just does this to me #I also apologize if everything I've said has been said verbatim before #like I said I mostly wrote this post because I haven't seen this moment discussed with the amount of depth and care I think it deserves #but also up until this point I've mostly observed this fandom so. might be wrong lmao #~💫 a constellation!💫~#vivinos #alien stage #alnst #alnst till #alien stage till

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bestlilithian · 5 months ago

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Home is the first grave.

[ Moon-Pluto, Pluto in 4th house culture ]

tw for various mentions of abuse and death as well as mental problems, sh and su!cide, also needles (dont ask)

- may have experienced a lot of death in thr family or in the close neighborhood

- feel more connected to your dead relatives than your alive ones

- there mightve been a death in your family before you were born

- feeling peacful in graveyards

- may have fantasized about death/su!cide, might percieve death as something that brings peace (hence the fantasies, because really all you ever wanted was peace)

- wanting peace but knowing you cannot have it because of your nature; feeling like theres just something in your blood in your soul that is uncontrollable and overwhelming

- your household was always a house , never a home

- being raised by very old people, enjoying the presence of much older wiser people (like, literal elders not hot teachers 💀)

- enduring literal psychological warfare in your home (usual your mother waged war on you as soon as you were old enough to form a coherent critical thought)

- "I hate you, dont leave me" (might be the attitude of your mother towards you, or yours towards others you love)

- Your mother always knew when you were lying or hiding something. Especially if she had a scorpio moon or moon/pluto aspects herself. You grew up extremely fearful of her.

- moon pluto culture is hearing your mother talk lovingly about her own fucked up mother, she never accepted the severity of her own abuse, until of course she needs to use it in an argument against you "Im a great mother, my mother was so much worse"(basically Im good because I abuse you differently than I was abused 😍 same shit different package)

- not liking motherly women or women who try to be mother figures to you, feeling uncomofortable around them; youre uncomfortable with how much you crave motherly love and people who can provide you that become threats because of the power they could have over you if you opened up

- being betrayed by the women in your life, especially those who were much older and supposed to take care of you (teachers, tutors, family members, therapists, babysitters..)

- toxic female friends 😁🔫 bonus : really close but toxic female friendships in youth that feel like death when you end them even though you know it was necessary

- feeling pain so deeply you think you will drop dead or have a heart attack. (When I was little and depressed I wrote in a diary of mine "My body will kill me before I get to")

more on this : when you start crying because of immense emotional pain and suddenly your heart is burning and beating too fast and youre getting light headed and throwing up , and suddenly youre not crying because of the pain, youre crying because youre afraid youre about to have a heart attack and die

- fearing that your mother will k word herself or you if you try to leave her (harsh aspects mostly)

- learning what emotional violence is very early, how to wield it and defend against it

- turning your emotions off completely for a while and then having a nervous breakdown when it all rushes back

- reading up on psychology, psychiatry and works of psychotherapists so you can heal and never become your mother

- wanting to put a bullet in your head when you notice yourself thinking or behaving like your mother

- going home after you spent time somewhere where you felt good and safe is extremely dreadful

- your mother doesnt see you as a human being (harsh aspects especially), and may take you a while to figure this out

- extremely controlling behavior from your mother or other caretakers (for example my mother threatened to send people to stalk me when I moved to a diff city, to 'make sure Im not doing something bad')

- deeply grieving the loss of your childhood and your inner child

- almost choking while crying or passing out

- feeling like youre a horrible person and dont deserve your family [because youre in deep denial and are seeing the flaws of your family as your own and denying your own trauma]

- learning about sex early on, perhaps early sexual obsession but not like promiscuity more like craving for deep intimacy (also you were probably deeply ashamed of it)

- not telling your family (esp mother) anything because they will ruin it for you

- being accused of being a psychopath, uncaring, selfish for "not loving your family enough"

- not knowing how to feel about the members of your family that played a more passive role in your life because they didnt do anything wrong but they didnt do anything right either; surely they knew , why didnt they stop it? why didnt they save you? (Im talking about adults obviously)

- your parents mightve been much older when you were born, you might have siblings much older than you

- doing anything to avoid your intense emotions and then when you break down and feel everything you realize how freeing it is and how comfortable you actually are with the intensity

- gutteral reactions to songs you deeply relate to (I hear 10 seconds of 'Slipping through my fingers' and I am dead on the floor)

- being afraid of your mother or just of your family in general

- you could probably kill someone with your bare hands if you were angry and hurt enough

- scary as fuck when you actually show your anger

- if you cry in the midst of a fight (verbal or physical) ... someone tell that person to make peace w God . cause thats you crying because of what youre about to do, because thats you loosing the last crumb of humanity you had for them and that can only end one way.

- you would probably kill for your loved ones

- your friends feel like you would help them hide a body (and you probably would)

- recognizing people by footsteps and breathing patterns (especially family members)

- deep deep eyes, people can see war and death them, and they feel like you see their pain too (because you do)

- reading people easily

- enjoying? cruelty (to yourself or others), like getting impulses to do something that would cause you or someone else that ugly feeling of facing cruelty

- finding comfort in the cold and the dark

- insane nightmares since youth, growing to be used to them

- its very hard to shock you

- you know when someones lying

- you might dread certain types of pain yet feel pleasure from them (personally I hate having my blood taken for a test but then I end up immensely enjoying the feeling of a needle pricking my skin and going deep into my vein)

- feeling the need to "kill" some your habits; most likely to drop things cold turkey and be extremely strict in breaking bad habits

- might enjoy really dark, emotionally and morally complex media

- immediately recognizing other moon pluto people and trauma bonding

- extremely good pain endurance. not necessarily tolerance , but endurance. you feel the pain and do it anyway.

- might not react to physical pain at all from a young age

- fantasies about drowning or slipping away peacfully

- either loving deep waters or hating them

- randomly breaking down in the middle of the day because of some pain you buried 5 years ago

- might self harm a lot because of your complex relationship w pain, it genuinely helps sometimes

- home feels like literal prison

- seeing the value in suffering, you might reject the idea that suffering is bad and should be avoided and prevented at all costs

- you might become religious as you mature (but usually in your own way, not necessarily according to tradition)

- forced to eat or denied food in your home, this mightve fucked up your relationship with food

And lastly, I need you to engrave this in yourself :

Wrong love is not love.

#plutonian #pluto placements #moon square pluto #moon opposite pluto #moon conjunct pluto #moon trine pluto #moon sextile pluto #astro placements #horoscope #astrology #trauma #dysfunctional family #moon #moon placements #mommy issues #abuse awareness

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1d1195 · 3 months ago

Text

Most VII

Read Most here | ~5.8k words

From me: Last part! (for now) I hope you like it. Thank you for sticking with it--I don't think it was very popular after all the additional parts, so I appreciate all of you for letting me finish it.

Warnings: angst but fluff. Probably need so suspend your belief a bit more (especially if you don't believe in soulmates)

Summary: She's safe. He's safe. There's nothing left to do but talk.

Harry didn’t let go of her when they put her in the ambulance. He held onto her hand the entire time. Nor when they put an oxygen mask on her beautiful face. He didn’t let go of her for one second when they arrived at the hospital.

Honestly, she couldn’t complain. She was tired. Exhausted, really. Her only other thought outside of her own traumatization of the day was that poor Harry had to be just as drained (or more) after being awake for over thirty-six hours—maybe even longer. But his hand squeezed hers while they looked her over. She held another oxygen mask over her mouth and inhaled deeply, repeatedly while Harry sat beside her on the little exam bed. It felt like she was breathing in the freshest air in the middle of the forest. But a huge part of her believed the same result would have been achieved if she hid her face in Harry’s shirt the way she wanted to and breathed in the same manner she was breathing with an oxygen mask.

“Are you feeling, okay?” The doctors asked her so many times while they ran tests and Harry seemed to hold his breath each time, like it would suddenly change.

“I’m really scared,” she admitted finally looking away from Harry’s worried eyes. “I’m so worried something’s wrong and I’m not going to notice,” her voice cracked. Harry squeezed her hand and watched her anxiously. Somehow, his smile was encouraging. But she wasn’t sure he fully believed it.

“You’re okay, baby,” he whispered quietly. But she saw it in his eyes. If he could swap places with her right then, he would have. After everything she put him through, he would still save her and take all the pain.

“I know,” the doctor looked her over sympathetically. “But I promise, I thoroughly checked everything. Your heart is strong. The oxygen is helping for sure. But to be sure, we want to keep you overnight for observation just to make sure... perhaps your boyfriend can grab you some of your belongings—”

“That’s okay,” she could see Harry was surprised to hear her say it and not himself. “I don’t want him to leave me.”

Harry thought his heart was going to break again. The word boyfriend didn’t deter her. It felt like part of his life snapped back into place. He thought the magnetic field had realigned the day he saw her in traffic, but it felt like the tilt of the earth finally righted itself to the correct position. This was it. Everything was back to normal.

At least as far as his heart was concerned.

He squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Right,” the doctor smiled. Like she already knew of their love story by just looking at them. “Well... make yourselves comfortable, then.”

There was very little Harry could do about her fear. So if it was the only thing he could do, Harry was going to ensure she was comfortable.

He made her laugh like he used to. Part of him worried it wasn’t good for her achy, smoky lungs, but it didn’t matter. He loved to chat with her. Harry’s fingers never released hers. But to be fair, hers didn’t let go of his either. Not even though she was certain they were a bit cramped, and her mind worried that Harry was uncomfortable situated in the chair beside the bed. Their only reprieve was using the restroom. But then it was right back to interlocked fingers and the warmth of their palms slipping alongside one another.

He loved her so painfully much. He hoped it was enough.

The hours crept by. The fire, the waiting for an ambulance, their time in the ER, the admittance to a room, it all ticked by slowly and anxiously for the pair of them. But despite how it played out, she got her time after Harry’s shift to talk with him the way he wanted—the way she wanted. They talked for so long, the sun set across the room turning Harry’s skin into this beautiful golden shade that made him look utterly gorgeous. Like a painting in the finest museums in the world. But his eyes stayed on her the entire duration of the sunset.

Once the sun was down and the only light they had was from the bathroom, (because the fluorescents were so harsh and headache inducing for the two of them long term) Harry started to yawn and seemed to continue yawning for minutes on end.

That was when she finally remembered time existed. Time ceased to have meaning while she was with Harry. That time was spent putting their lives back together piece by piece; filling in gaps they didn’t know they were missing but belonged to the parts of each other they had shared with one another ages ago—before they even started dating. When fate decided they were soulmates and they didn’t have a choice in the matter.

By that time, the clock read just past nine when she noticed his yawns were becoming more frequent. She had been pulling the oxygen mask off and on for hours. Seeing his droopy eyes made her ache for something she hadn’t had in years. He was always beautiful and perfect, but something about sleepy, vulnerable Harry made her feel like she could protect him the way he always protected her.

“C’mere,” she wiggled backwards on the small twin hospital bed. She turned on her side to create more space for him. “I think I smell all smoky,” she warned.

Normally, Harry thought he would protest. She needed the rest. She was the one that inhaled all that smoke and Harry hogging her bed with his tall frame wasn’t needed. But his body ached to be closer to her. Closer than the space between her on the bed and him keeping vigil in the chair pulled close allowed. “Think I do too,” he shrugged. They both smelled like smoke. But Harry was certain if he could get close enough, she would smell like herself too; floral, warm, and just her. Like home.

Carefully, Harry slid onto the bed with her. Their legs touched. Thigh to thigh, knee to knee, foot to foot. He placed a hand on her hip pulling her lower half toward him and leaving a space between their torsos so he could look at her perfect, beautiful face.

They fit like puzzle pieces on her small mattress. The reasoning for her hospital visit wasn’t something he would want in a thousand years, but it was almost how he imagined sleeping on her bed in her dorm. Replacing a piece of something he missed out on.

She rested one hand on his ribs, right over his T-shirt. He thought he had died—the feel of her hand on his body was warm and overwhelming. For several moments, they just stared at each other. Like Harry was worried she would disappear again. “The doctor called me your boyfriend,” he whispered eventually.

She nodded. Her cheeks turned pink. “Sorry... I...” she swallowed. “I didn’t know what to say.”

It was starting to get quiet; hospital visiting hours were long over. There was no more chatter coming from other rooms. There was only the sound of beeping machines, the nurses, doctors, and others bustling outside her door. Their gentle breaths mixing together between them.

“Kitten,” he swallowed the lump in his throat. “Are y’going t’leave me again?” His voice was low, and he hated asking the question because he thought it would upset her. Though it pained him, he needed to know. It was a risk he had to take; making her feel bad. Even if it hurt both of them.

She shook her head immediately. She drew in a deep breath and dropped her forehead forward to his chest and released the air in her lungs. “I won’t live, Harry.”

His lips quirked up into a sympathetic smile. “Think y’would, kitten,” he remarked sadly. “Y’did before.”

She shook her head again. “That wasn’t living, baby,” she murmured.

He closed his eyes and brought her hand to his mouth. “I love you so much. When y’say baby, s’like m’home. I haven’t been home kitten, not without you. Feels like I’ve been nowhere.”

“I thought nowhere was home,” she whispered, a smile in her voice.

When he opened his eyes, she was watching him. She reached for the oxygen mask again, not wanting to interrupt their moment of quiet longing, but immediately he helped her with it. He cupped her cheek around the mask and brushed his thumb along her cheek. “Why would y’listen t’her?”

She dropped her gaze. She was ashamed of herself. Listening to someone who was supposed to be her friend instead of just asking Harry what he was feeling. “I don’t know... She made sense at the time. Sometimes I think she still does... I mean don’t you want more, Harry? What if there is more out there for you than what I can offer? I couldn’t have imagined you up if I tried... but you? You always deserved more than—”

“No,” he shook his head refusing to let her short herself any longer of all the beauty she possessed, all the love, and kindness that she exuded. His hand held her cheek and he skimmed his thumb along cheekbone. “There’s no more, kitten. You’re the most. You, m’love, you are the only thing that exists for me. I’m so sorry y’were alone and felt like y’weren’t enough. You have always been more than enough. The most I could ever need. I’ve… I’ve never been so lost; I can’t imagine how y’felt.”

She turned her face toward his hand, lifted the mask so she could kiss his palm. “Why did you wait for me?” She whispered.

“Because you’re m’soulmate, kitten.”

“But... you don’t believe in those,” she whispered repeating her same statement from last night. It wasn’t something she ever dwelled on. She understood why he didn’t believe in them. Even if it was silly. But maybe it was the little bit of water that dripped into her head and watered the seed that Lauren had planted in her head a few years ago. It wasn’t his fault. Realistically, plenty of people didn’t believe in soulmates.

He shook his head, shrugged. But his eyes didn’t move from hers. “I believe you’re mine, baby.”

Her lower lip wobbled, and tears filled her vision. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry Harry,” her voice broke on every syllable. “I thought if I told you... you would convince me to stay. Then I thought staying would just make you resent me because you never got a chance to... this way... I don’t know... it’s like I’m here now, yeah? And I know now—but I should have known then, right? God Harry, this is so fucked. I fucked up so bad and—” now her monitor displayed an increased heartrate, and her breath was shallow—like she was starting to hyperventilate. So much so that Harry put the mask back over her mouth and shushed her soothingly. He stroked the remainder of her face gently with the back of his hand while her eyes wildly flitted over his face.

“You’re here now,” he told her after the heart monitor read a normal level. “And I’m never letting you get away. Never ever again.” Sighing, she closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against his chest once more. He kissed the top of her hair and just enjoyed the feeling of her in his arms. The way he dreamed of feeling her. “Gemma actually told me that—”

A spike in her monitor. “Oh my God, she’s going to hate me forever,” she cried, voice breaking. “I should have stayed away,” she moaned. He pulled the oxygen mask away and kissed her softly. It felt so normal. As everything he had felt since he started seeing her these last couple weeks. Touching her, seeing her, hearing her, all of it felt like no time had passed.

When he pulled away, his lips missing the way hers felt against his, her heart rate was steady again. Her cheeks flushed and Harry thought she tasted like smoke, but she still tasted like her too. “Baby, she does not hate you. No one hates you. I’ll make sure of it,” he assured her. “I wish y’told me, but s’not your fault.”

“You’re way too forgiving,” she grumbled.

“God, for you?” He chuckled and kissed the bridge of her nose. “I was going t’tell you that Gem won’t hate you. She said she knew y’were coming back.”

“How could she have possibly known that?”

Harry shrugged nonchalantly. “She said she felt it. She jus’ knew.” There was a prolonged moment of silence while she thought that over. While Harry continued to touch her face as if it was the only thing he was born to do.

“Wish she clued me in,” she grumbled.

He laughed quietly again.

When the clock read midnight, it was even quieter in the hospital room. The gentle beeping of machines started to sound like a lullaby. They had stopped talking a long time ago, but they didn’t fall asleep. It felt like making up for lost time. Harry was analyzing her face. Her pores were filled with smoke and Harry inspected the bits of glass that managed to cut her palms from her crawling to safety. He kissed her softly across her pretty face. Like a reminder to himself that she was real and tangible. His lips made a home against her temple. A spot he loved to leave his mouth pressed against—like it was home while her lips were busy.

She was weaning off the oxygen, letting a little under an hour pass in between her use of it. “Hi,” she whispered softly.

He smiled. “Hi,” he dragged his nose along her hairline and dropped a kiss to the crown of her head. She fiddled with the fabric of his shirt, right near his collar.

“What did you do while I was gone?” Her voice was quiet. Fading with sleepiness. Harry may have even blinked his eyes closed for a short nap a couple hours prior, but he was content to just stare at her. Ensure that she wasn’t going to leave again.

He trailed his fingers along the side of her face, through the bit of hair that rested against her head along the pillow. He smiled. Smiled more than he thought was possible because at the time he thought his hobby was so dumb. Felt like he was going to die most days without her because she was fresh air and his little ways of keeping himself entertained were hardly a replacement for how she would have fit into his life so effortlessly.

Now... now it seemed like the most important thing he had ever done, and it wasn’t that he had to tell her about it because she asked, he needed to tell her. “I... I got... really into carpentry.”

She snorted; a laugh followed immediately. Arguably the most beautiful sound Harry knew. “Shut up.”

“No... like...” he started to laugh with her. “Like... really into it. Made Mum a bit crazy at times, I think,” he tilted his head back. “Made tables, chairs... I fixed door frames and did trim...”

“Stop, I can’t breathe,” she laughed. The kind of laughter she felt with Addie that night they became best friends. Back when she thought she would never laugh again. “Why?” She covered her face with her hand to stifle her giggles. But Harry made her laugh like it was nothing. As if he made her laugh every day that he wasn’t around her.

He shook his head. “I don’t know...” her laugh was infectious. It made him happy to hear it and he had no choice but to laugh just as hard. “I really don’t. I feel like I should be sad telling y’about it. But I loved it. So, so much.”

“What was your favorite thing to make?”

“Chairs.”

“I think this might be worse than the smoke inhalation,” she laughed again, becoming breathless but Harry didn’t mind this kind of breathlessness. Plus, they still had her oxygen mask. Harry thought it might have been, in the very smallest of ways, good that she left if it made her laugh like this.

Eventually, her laughter died down. There was another bout of quiet for a few moments longer. Then finally Harry asked. “What did y’do?”

Harry was watching her, wiping the tears that came from her heavy laughter from the corners of her eyes. He kissed her forehead again. “I knitted.”

“What?”

“I knitted.”

“Knitted what?”

“Oh my God, Harry. Everything.” It was his turn to laugh, thinking of her surrounded with yarn, covered with yarn. Her bed and desk covered with needles, sweaters, hats, mittens.

“Y’jus’ turned into a little old grandma?” He snorted.

“Yeah, I guess,” she giggled. The clock read two in the morning. She tried to calculate it in her head, but Harry had to have been awake for nearly forty-eight hours at that point. He grabbed the oxygen mask and placed it over her mouth. They were quiet while she took in the pure air. Harry pushed her hair behind her head and trailed his fingers over her cheek.

“Do y’feel okay?” He asked.

She nodded. He put it aside again after a few moments and he kissed her forehead. “What did you miss most about me?” She whispered.

The feeling of longing overtook his body. It was so hard to imagine he had been without her for so long. When they fit together like they did on the little bed, when they sounded like happiness when they laughed together. It wasn’t just missing her. It was agony without her. Like she had taken his heart with her. “Everything, kitten,” he shook his head. “I missed everything ‘bout you.”

She sighed, looked at his chest, outlined the cross below his shirt. It was still covered in smoke and soot from carrying her out. “No, but...” she smiled softly. “Like materially—what did you miss?”

The air felt lighter and maybe she already knew he missed everything about her. The reprieve of seriousness felt a little better. There would be ample time to hash out details regarding how serious it was. How she was to never believe another person about his love for her that wasn’t him (or someone completely vetted like Louis or Sarah). “Oh,” he paused. “Those cheesy potatoes y’make for parties.”

Her laugh made him feel like he could do impossible things. It easily could have been the thing he missed most. “I’ll make them as soon as I get my hands on a kitchen.”

“Oh, baby, you are going t’make me cry,” he squeezed her and kissed the top of her head. “Did y’miss anything ‘bout me?” He asked.

“Harry,” she sighed, nosed at his chest. “Wasn’t just anything. It was everything.”

It felt like his heart was smiling. He tilted her head up and gazed into her eyes. “I meant materially,” he smirked taking her own joke.

Without hesitation, she answered. “I haven’t had my back properly cracked in three years.”

“God, I fucking love you,” he whispered.

She giggled. “I love you too,” she responded. She grabbed his cheeks, kissed his lips long enough to make him think his heart might stop, and then dropped her head back to his chest.

An undeterminable amount of time passed again. There was no more chatting or kissing. It was just nearly pathetic staring; gazing at one another waiting for the other to disappear like a mirage they didn’t know they were seeing. But her eyes drooped lower and Harry yawned. The clock read shortly after two thirty. “We should sleep.”

He shook his head, worry set deep in his eyes that she wished she could rip out and throw away. “M’afraid s’a dream.”

She frowned. “I really hope it’s not.”

He smiled, comforted by the fact the feeling was mutual. “If this is a dream,” he started. “Can y’do me a favor?” He asked. She nodded, waited. “Can y’come home t’me?”

“Yes,” she answered immediately then tucked herself further into his embrace. “As soon as I wake up,” she promised.

He smiled, kissed the top of her head again and gently rubbed a circle on her cheek with his thumb. “Hey, kitten?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” he reminded her.

“God Harry, I love you so much.”

Then, because there was truly nothing else that they could say of the last forty-eight hours, they fell asleep.

They woke up to the door slamming open against the hospital wall. Harry squeezed her protectively and her heart clenched at the motion. The clock read eleven AM exactly.

Which meant it was officially visiting hours and the first people in the room were Addie and Carter. “Move,” Addie physically pulled Harry off the bed. “You’ve had her long enough now,” she winked at her as she took his spot and kissed her forehead. Harry snorted and then laughed because Harry could never believe such a thing. He could have had her all those three years, every single day, and he would never have enough time with her. “You’re an idiot,” Addie whispered loudly so everyone could hear her say it.

Carter ignored Addie, leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “Hey Gorgeous,” he smiled giving her shoulder a squeeze. “You didn’t need to do all this to get us to visit.”

She was groggy with sleep and anxiety. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Harry called us,” Addie wiped the soot from beneath her eyes because it was still caked into her pores. At the same time, the room filled with their remaining friends. There were balloons and flowers, a massive teddy bear.

“Aw, you didn’t bring coffee?” She frowned then winked in fake disappointment.

“Oh,” Harry cleared his throat. “We can’t go to the coffee shop on Main anymore.”

She frowned immediately. This one was not fake. “How come?”

Sarah made eye contact with Harry and had a whole conversation with him just using her eyes. “I knew it,” she mumbled.

Harry scuffed his foot along the floor ignoring Sarah’s quip. “The owners of the coffee shop own the apartment building. S’a whole scandal,” he explained. Which was in part truth. He took a phone call in the early morning from the fire chief while she was fast asleep against his chest. The building was condemned and everything inside it was lost. “Insurance fraud,” he explained simply.

“Jesus,” Niall blinked rubbing a hand over his face. “Bet you’re glad y’storage unit was delayed, now, huh princess?” He smiled sympathetically.

“Oh my God, your notebooks,” Addie whispered realizing how right Niall was.

The heart monitor betrayed her with a small spike and alarm. She swallowed nervously, blushed as everyone looked at her. “Burnt toast, I guess.”

“Grim, babe,” Louis snorted making everyone laugh.

“No, it’s a theory,” she rolled her eyes. “If you burn your toast, it means you have to make new toast. Saves you from a car accident or from being in a place you’re not supposed to be at a specific time. Or you’re the fifth person in line that morning and you get a free coffee.”

“Burnt toast,” he repeated. “Well, I have saved my own life a lot of times then,” he chuckled.

“I think the three toasters you’ve killed would disagree,” Eleanor smiled.

“Are you feeling okay?” Carter asked.

She bit her lip. “I think so... I’m pretty sure I’m going to be allowed to leave soon...but I really need a shower. I wish I had some clothes to—”

“Way ahead of you,” Sarah grabbed the duffle bag Mitch had on his shoulder. He gave her a wink. “Harry thought you might want to be rid of smoky clothes and hair.”

She thought it would be too much to say Harry was her hero in front of their friends. So she would tell him later. Repeatedly.

“What are you going to do?” Addie asked as she signed the discharge papers. Her hair was air drying; her skin was less smoky. She watched the black water swirl into the drain during her much-needed shower and with it rid herself of the traumatic day

“I don’t know,” she sighed, laying the pen flat on the clipboard. Addie was seated beside her, not an inch of space between them. “Any chance you and Carter wouldn’t mind your old roommate?” She asked with a smile.

“Oh, you’ve got to be joking,” Addie rolled her eyes. “You’re not seriously going to move back with us after all this?” She asked.

“Addie,” she whispered hoping no one heard her. It seemed they hadn’t as the rest of the group was gathering all the items they had lugged in only a couple hours prior. Harry was getting off the phone near the window. Carter was reentering the room with Mitch; carrying two trays of coffee and bags of food filled the room with the most enticing smells of breakfast sandwiches and espresso. “I don’t really know what else to—”

“Harry!” Addie smiled delightedly hopping off the bed and hurrying to Harry’s side. He was off the phone and in the middle of a conversation with Niall.

“Addison!” She shouted, voice breaching hysterical immediately. She hopped off the bed and yanked her back away from Harry as quickly as she could. “Don’t you dare,” she hissed.

“Ow!” Addie pulled her arm from her. “Harry, I hate to put you on the spot like this—”

“Addie, I swear to God!”

“—but I am rather enjoying walking around the apartment naked with my boyfriend and would love to continue such. Is there anyway—”

“Addison,” Carter chuckled, prying her fingertips from Addie’s arm. “She’s going to stop breathing if you—”

“—you have room in your house for a roommate?”

She slapped a hand over her eyes and felt embarrassment curl through her. “Your girlfriend is a pain in the ass,” she whispered to Carter.

“I know, it’s the best,” he winked even though she couldn’t see it.

“Oh... um... I jus’ got off the moving company t’move your storage pod t’my place,” Harry sounded a little uncomfortable. Awkward. “It’ll be a couple days, but they’ll do it,” she peeked from between her fingers at his face. It was slightly flushed, embarrassed. “If that’s too much though... Niall was jus’ saying y’could have his one-bedroom ‘til y’figure out—”

“She’ll stay with you!” Addie chirped excitedly.

Harry chuckled. “Addie,” he smiled appreciatively. “I want her t’be comfortable.”

She shoved her toward him with so much force Harry had to hold her to keep her from falling unsteadily. “I can’t imagine a place—no, an entire universe—where she would be more comfortable,” Addie assured him.

“That’s a lot to spring on someone, Addie,” she snapped, glaring at her; her face half covered from where she had buried it into Harry’s fresh T-shirt brought along with new belongings for her as well.

“I don’t mind, kitten,” he kissed the top of her head encouragingly. “Was going t’suggest it as we walked out.”

They all gathered in front of the hospital. Planning their next stop. “I uh...” she shook her head. “I gotta make a lot of phone calls.”

“Can we meet up for dinner?” Carter suggested.

Everyone nodded, full of smiles and excitement. “Do you guys need help back to your hotel?” Louis asked.

“You guys got a hotel? You should have stayed with us!” Sarah frowned.

As the plans were discussed, Addie gave her a huge hug, kissed the side of her head then pulled away and looked at her. She was tired, probably still filled with a bit of smoke, but Addie thought she looked more like the picture still on her fridge than she had the entire time she’d known her.

“I’m so proud of you for jumping,” Addie bloomed with pride which made her cheeks flush pink.

“Shut. Up,” Eleanor laughed.

“Of course you read that,” Sarah rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“Oh man,” Niall groaned. “What was it? Three months?”

“That’s generous. Maybe one month,” Mitch was scrolling on his phone. “Last message I have about it is a month and a half ago,” he held it up for proof.

“It was extremely well written,” Harry grumbled bitterly.

“What was well written?” Carter asked winking at her. Addie for once was silent. Watching her carefully for her reaction which was currently stoically still.

“Harry, who has never picked up a magazine a day in his life,” Eleanor explained to Carter. “Was at the doctor’s office. Losing his mind as he always was and decided to leaf through one of the magazines on the coffee table in the waiting room.”

“He then proceeded to read us the article no less than twenty times in a row and explain everything he thought about it. How it reminded him of you. How he wanted to jump so badly and reset everything in his life,” Niall completed.

She turned to look at Harry; head tilted curiously. A pucker between her eyebrows as she examined him like she was seeing him for the first time.

“It sounded like you,” his cheeks turned pink. “M’sorry, kitten; it was jus’... so good. Sounded like something you would ramble about and then scribble down during a rainstorm. It reminded me so much of you... s’like I had something t’hold onto.”

Carter snickered watching the panic on her face ensue.

“Well, Harry. I’ll tell you why it reminded you so much of her. But you already figured it out.”

She looked at her feet, face burning with embarrassment that another six people knew some of her most inner thoughts. Her anonymity for something that broke her to write because she missed Harry wasn’t a full secret anymore.

The group remained quiet. Silent except for cars rolling through the parking lot as everyone processed what Addie said.

“You’re joking,” Eleanor whispered finally. “You... you wrote that?”

“She did,” Carter smiled. “In our English class. Addie insisted she publish it.”

“You used a pen name?” Niall asked. She nodded silently, embarrassed that they had read arguably one of her most personal ideas. “Wow,” he whispered. “What are the chances?”

“I told all of you,” Harry wrapped his arm around her tighter. Probably tighter than someone with worry about their lungs needed to be held, but he kissed the top of her hair once more. “I knew it was you,” he whispered in her ear.

“It’s framed in his house,” Louis said. “That is insane.”

“Soulmate stuff, I guess,” she shrugged, cheeks still tinted red. But the only person who heard was Harry. Which was really how she meant it to be anyway.

*A few days later*

“Jesus Christ,” she snapped and dropped the end of the couch to the storage pod floor again. Harry ran to her side and pulled her hand from her mouth to examine her injured index finger.

“I thought y’were kidding,” he smirked. “Some magnet y’got in there,” he pressed his lips against her digit and then her forehead.

She shook her head. “It’s ridiculous!” she frowned.

“I got it, love. You shouldn’t be lifting anything heavy anyway,” Mitch reminded her and put a hand on her shoulder as he gently nudged the pair of them out of the way. Niall winked at her as he lifted the other end while Harry examined the small puncture wound as seriously as if she had split her aorta right in front of him.

Quietly, they were alone while their friends moved all her stuff into Harry’s little house. Sarah and Eleanor distracted Mrs. Peterson while the boys moved the heavy stuff. And Harry just looked at her finger. “Are you sure about this?” She whispered.

“Please don’t make me beg,” he murmured. “I will,” he nodded. “I’ll beg and scream and fight if y’want me to,” he squeezed her hand and dropped it between them and smiled at her. “But I don’t want to.”

She smiled back, squeezed his hand, and stepped closer to him. He wrapped his arm around the top of her shoulders. Gently, she shook her head, dropped her head against the front of his shoulder. “No... I don’t want that. I’m just... it’s a lot. I’ve only been in town three weeks,” she reminded him.

“But baby,” he sighed, kissed her temple. The way he spoke made her sleepy. The way he held her made her feel so safe—like she could fall asleep standing right next to him.

It would take a bit of work. Reassurance that she was enough. Part of him felt guilty that he hadn’t clued her in on that fact long before. It seemed like it was known. The two of them fit so completely together he never thought he would need to remind her that she was enough. More than enough. More than he could ever dream of or want.

But he would do it. They were together. He would reassure her every day. He would try his hand at poetry if he needed to do it. If it meant that she would stay and not worry.

Harry met her gaze, held it for so long part of her really wondered if she had fallen asleep. “You’re home.”

And she saw it all. Always had. She saw their friends hosting or coming to cookouts with little ones that would expand their little friend circle. She saw Harry carrying her to bed because she refused to fall asleep in the bedroom without him while his shift wasn’t over. She saw the books and pens and notebooks that he would buy for her even though she was certain she wouldn’t fill them all (even if she did). She saw the little ones that had Harry’s green eyes and his perfect curls. She hoped they’d get his dimples and his kindness. The world deserved more Harry. There would be too many wooden chairs that Harry would make, and she would help stain, for them to put in their yard. There was everything in her little vision. All centered around the most perfect person she knew. The person she was lucky to call her soulmate. Even after all that time.

If it all was a dream like Harry had suggested in the hospital, then it was worth it, because the moment she woke up she would run back to him. She would beg and scream and fight if she needed to.

Because this was everything. It was more than she could ever want.

“Do you mean, I’m home? Like I’m at home or I am home. Like home is me?” She asked.

“You already know the answer t’that, my love.”

It was the most she would ever need.

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @daydreamingofmatilda @sunshinemoonsposts @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach

@straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals

@angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams

@summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland

@lovrave @st-ev-ie @pandeebearstyles @toosarcastic03 @luvonstyles

@tenaciousperfectionunknown @classychalamet @love-letters-to-uranus @emmaawbr @crossyourpeter

@kissinthekitchen @kittenhere @stylesfever @indierockgirrl @michellekstyles

@just-another-reader1098 @hermionelove @tiredinwinter @whimsy-willows @hannah9921

@fangirl7060 @triski73 @vikiii07 @prettygurl-2009 @madstyles3204

@angeldavis777

most: @harryspirate

I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)

If you like this, check out my masterlist here

#harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #harry styles blurb #harry styles blurbs #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #one direction #one direction writing #harry styles #most #best friend!harry #second chance romance!harry

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mydadleft471 · 4 months ago

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Carian Tea And Bitter Medicine

Summary: You've fallen ill and Messmer is deeply worried for his wife. Over the coming days, you slowly recover.

Spoilers for Elden Ring and Shadow of the Erdtree. No warnings other than talk of throwing up. (yuck)

This was a request from @writing-fanics! I'll link it here if you want to see the post. This was super fun! I love writing for the red-haired snake man (clearly that's literally all my blog is lmao). Thank you for requesting and I hope I did it justice!

As always, thank you all so much for reading, liking, commenting, and reblogging! It means the world to me and I'm so happy I've gotten back into writing!

Messmer had barely left your side for the few days. He was worried sick. No matter how much his servants and healers told him you’d be alright with some rest and medicine, he couldn’t seem to believe them. He thought you were dying, and he could only sit idly by while you suffered. Watching you writhe felt like a stab wound, searing and sharp, right to his chest.

You, his darling wife, looked terrible. A sheen of sweat covered your body even in your lightest nightgown, yet you stayed wrapped in blankets. Chills would wrack your body one minute, and the next you’d be pushing at the blankets because you were overheating. You’d refused almost all food except for a light broth, though it still threatened to come back up. Water wasn’t any easier, and your condition had seemingly gotten worse. Your skin was pale and your eyes didn’t shine like they usually did.

Messmer tried to keep himself busy to drive away the thoughts that plagued his mind. He’d fetch you a cold washcloth and lay it delicately over your forehead, or help you sit up when you’d request a drink of water. You were too weak to lift anything, so he’d carefully tip the glass back enough for you to take small sips.

You’d been confined to the bed for five days due to your sickness. Each morning he’d wake and hope to see you better and healthy once more, but it hadn’t happened yet.

He didn’t sleep well last night, jolting awake in response to any sound you’d make. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he saw you trying to sit up. He hurried to your side immediately, helping you.

“What bothers thee, wife?”

“I just wanted some water. I didn’t want to wake you. I know you haven’t been sleeping much these past few days.” You croak out.

“It bothers me little,” he says while moving to fetch you a glass of cool water. “How dost thou feel this morning?”

“I’m actually hungry, so I’d assume that’s good.”

“I am so very happy to hear that, beloved. Whatever thou wishest for, it shall be done.” He smiles for the first time in days.

“Right now,” you gesture towards him, “I’d love some water.”

He sits beside you on the bed and moves it towards your lips. Your hand finds his and, though shaky, you help tilt the glass back. After a few sips, you tap his wrist and he returns the glass to your bedside table.

“Thank you, husband.” You shoot him a weak smile and his stomach flips. Marriage did little to dull the butterflies you gave him.

“What dost thou desire for breakfast?”

“I don’t mind, really. If we have any left, I’d love to have some of that delicious spiced Carian tea Rellana gifted to us.”

“Of course, beloved.” He gently guides you to lay back down. One of his serpents nips at the blanket and brings it over you. You pat its head in thanks.

“Wilt thou be alright for a short while?” His heart twists uncomfortably thinking about leaving you alone, even if it is just to request food for you.

“Yes, my love. You never stay away for very long.”

“It pains me to leave thee.”

You grab his hand and squeeze weakly.

“I know. But I’m hungry.” As if on cue, your stomach growls.

“I shall return shortly, my wife.” He kisses your forehead and makes his way towards the door.

Outside, he’s pleased to see a dozen of his most trusted knights. When you fell ill, he ensured you’d be safe from any outside threats. His men were fiercely loyal to both him and his beloved wife.

Noticing the creaking of the door, Fire Knight Salza bowed in greeting.

“How is our Lady, my Lord?”

“She is slowly recovering, though still sick.”

“Shall I send for a servant to bring her food?”

“Yes. She’s requested Rellana’s specialty Carian tea.”

“Ah, a personal favorite of mine. I’ll see her desire fulfilled, my Lord.”

Messmer nods and returns to you, shutting the door swiftly. You’re still laying down on the bed, the covers pulled over you. He sits on the bed and smooths a few rebellious strands of hair down.

“I probably look awful.”

“Never.”

You roll your eyes. “You always were a poor liar, Messmer.”

“I shall never utter a word of disgust or mocking towards thee, beloved.” Even like this, you were beautiful to him.

“I know.” You bring a hand up to cup his cheek and he moves forward, sighing into your touch.

“If I must describe thee, I would say thou lookest sick. Nothing more.”

“How sweet of you. I’m sure if I looked in a mirror, it would shatter.”

“Nonsense.” He kisses your knuckle. “I shall hear these false notions no longer.”

“Fine. But I could probably use a bath.”

“If that is thine desire.”

“Only if you bathe me.” You playfully wink at him. His face reddens.

“Dost thou know no decency?”

“No,” you reply, giggling. “Not around you, at least.”

A sudden knock at the door distracts him. He releases your hand and rises from the bed.

“Enter.” His voice sounds so different when he speaks to anyone but you.

A servant comes in with a small tray of food. They gently set it down on the table beside you and bow to you both before leaving as quickly as they came.

You push yourself to sit up. Messmer moves to help you, but you refuse and slowly get up on your own. He shakes his head at your stubbornness, but he’s happy to see you regaining some strength. Just yesterday you could barely lift your head.

You look over the tray of food and see a bowl of steaming broth with some noodles, a vial of medicine, and your Carian tea. Messmer brings the tray closer to you and you move to pick up the bowl of soup. You feel the worry radiating off of him at the prospect of you burning yourself.

“I’m alright, my love. Just a little weak.”

You take an experimental sip of your broth and nausea doesn’t immediately make you want to spit it out. Pleased, you continue to take small sips and bites. You hadn’t realized how hungry you were, and soon, the bowl is empty. Messmer looks ecstatic that you’ve managed to eat something.

“How dost thou feel?”

“Fine, actually. Can I have my tea?”

“Medicine first, beloved.”

“Yes, sir.” You tease. He bites his tongue and gives you a look.

He grabs the small vial and takes the cork off. It smells horrible.

“Tell me, does this concoction taste as badly as it smells?” His nose crinkles in disgust and his serpents hiss and recoil.

“Unfortunately.” Taking the vial and tilting your head back, you pour it all into your mouth at once and swallow as quickly as you can. The bitterness coats your tongue and almost burns. You will yourself to not gag and your face scrunches up in displeasure. You can’t wait until you’re better so you no longer have to taste this.

You gesture towards your tea and Messmer hands it to you. You drink some and the bitter taste of medicine slowly recedes to a soothing spice on your tongue.

“Would you like some?” You gesture towards the tea.

“No, beloved. I would not steal thy favorite tea from thee.”

“You can steal my medicine.” You smile at him from behind your cup.

“I wouldst rather drown.” You laugh.

“Me too.”

“Thou art braver than I.” He refers to your medicine. He places the empty bottle back on the tray and his serpents eye it warily.

You finish your tea and set it down with the rest of your dishes. Messmer moves the tray back to the table for a servant to take away later. He smiles, happy that you’ve finished everything brought to you today. You seemed to be getting better, and for that, he was grateful. Some color had returned to your smooth skin and your eyes seemed more alert.

“Would you come hold me?” You shoot him a pleading glance.

“Thou knowest my weakness, wife. I shall never say no to thee.”

“You just did.” He gently scoots into bed beside you.

“Hmm?” He tilts his head.

“You said you wouldn’t steal my tea. You technically said no to me.” You pout.

He shakes his head, drawing you closer in his arms. His serpents wind protectively over you and you sigh, content.

“I am afraid thou art taking mine words too literally.”

“Maybe.” You mumble into his chest.

“Sleep. Exhaustion clings to thee.” He strokes your hair.

He expects a response from you, and a witty one at that. Perhaps something about how he’s confusing exhaustion for not bathing regularly. But he looks down and you’re fast asleep, tucked into him. He wonders if the Carian tea puts one to sleep. If so, he needs to have a plentiful supply.

His darling wife is getting better, and it did not even require him to pray to Mother. He will dwell on the implications of that later.

#messmer the impaler #messmer x reader #messmer x tarnished #messmer the impaler x reader #elden ring x reader #elden ring messmer #he's worried okay #he loves his wife

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goldsbitch · 11 months ago

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That one trip up the stairs

part 5 to That one Christmas flight

summary: The rest of the hotel visitors probably had a bad sleep that night.

warning: unprotected sex, minors DNI (absolutely no plot involved), and all the classic ones - cheesy af, swear words and alcohoI I guess, cliche probably, typos most definitely

PS: Thanks for the support and reactions!! Love you all!

Dancing was great. But simply not enough for two impatient hearts. The kind of tipsy for which alcohol was not enough.

"I got us two rooms. Just in case," he said in the very few moments when his tongue was not deeply in her mouth. "Don't want to make you uncomfortable." Lando was big on consent. This only made Y/N want to fuck him more.

Talking and making out at the same time was becoming a shared past time for the pair. "Yeah? Well that makes two of us. I don't want pressure you," she said in between kisses. "That's the last thing I'd want to do. You don't have to fuck me. I understand the thought of you being inside me might be hard to take in," she said in a low suggestive tone with no other intension that seducing Lando. It was not like he needed to be at this point. He had her seated on some random alcove window on the way to their hotel room, hands full on touching her boobs, legs, kissing her neck, everything all at once.

"Get it? It's a pun," she broke their kiss again for a small moment.

"Yes, I get it. And you'll get it too if you don't stop now." Tongues and lips danced together as if their life depended on it.

"Hm, that might be hard, in fact getting harder and harder. Makes one wonder, huh" she teased and ran few stairs away from Lando.

There was no elevator, but Lando and Y/N sure had the making out while walking on stairs thing covered like professionals. Leaning on walls, nearly breaking a vase with a massive flower arrangement. They hardly noticed a distressed gentlemen walking in the opposite way who then filed a complaint to the hotel about their inappropriate behavior, describing it in such a detail one would expect the premium hotel to somewhat censor - which was not the case this time. When Lando received this email two days later, he had it printed, framed and hung on his bedroom wall. Next to his trophies.

Y/N wanted Lando and for him to want her too. And coming to think of it, she had been lusting for him for weeks now. The public shirtless pictures did not help. And he was right here at her finger tips. Her clouded mind saw no issue in removing his shirt in the middle of the hallway. Quickly working the buttons and the immediately throwing it out of the nearest window.

"Oops," she smiled and bit her lip. Lando stared at her in awe, her playfulness being something new to see in a woman. "Just sort of felt like a crime to have you dressed, you know?" she continued. If he could, he would take her right there. "Let's hope your hotel rooms are close, otherwise you'll be in trouble for public nudity soon," she sang loudly, indeed without a care in the world. Lando laughed, took her by the hand and kissed like as if he was ready to eat her up.

"That door, honey," he pointed to the end of the hallway.

"You're just lucky, aren't you."

And again, Y/N's hands went immediately for the chest. What she did not expect when studying Lando's photos was how smooth his skin felt. She remembered his fragrance working like magic on his skin, but this was a whole another level. She wanted to sink in him. They did not bother with putting the card in the holder, switching on the lights or anything else. It would be hard to find some other pair that took of their shoes so fast. Desire was putting them both into hyper speed.

This time Y/N had Lando pressed against the door, holding him locked by his arms. Lando could have easily escape that if he wanted to, which was the last thing he'd do. Y/N was becoming more driven and forward.

She bit his lower lip. He gasped. "Do you like this?" He nodded and smiled. "Good boy," she replied and continued pulling his hair a little bit more, just to the edge of pain. The she abruptly stopped. Lando looked at her and she instructed him to stay as he was. Her soft kisses started at Lando's ear, moving slowly on his jaw, then neck - where he seemed to be extra sensitive - and then down to his chest, all the way to his toned stomach. She looked up at him and took the hem of his trousers into her mouth. And finally, one of her hands touched his growing erection.

"Interesting," she commented with a hint of being impressed. Lando was absolutely loving that. But as much as he'd like to be in her mouth, he hoped there would be another time for that. He put a finger below her jaw and instructed her to move up.

"Honey, be patient. There steps that can't be skipped," he said as he began to toy with her shoulder straps until one of them fell down her shoulder. "Oops," he remarked mocking her previous actions. "Let me help you." And he moved the second strap as well. Y/N was getting flustered. She did not break eye contact for a second when she was removing her dress, leaving her standing there centimetres away from him only in her underwear. The rest of their clothes was on the floor in the matter of seconds. Both of them being eaten up by their curiosity. It was impossible to stay there standing. Lando pushed Y/N towards the bed in the same was they'd manager to walk up three flights of stairs. Only once she was finally lying below his, with his body hovering over hers was he able to relax and take the moment in. A week ago he would not have believed this was going to happen. His deep philosophical thoughts were gone the moment her hand reached for his cock. A shock wave of horny energy sprung through him and took Y/N nipple in his mouth and started playing with one, hard making sure the other one did feel left out. She was beautiful - this was not a surprise to Lando, but something about the shape of her body, the way she moved, the way how her body reacted to his actions was making her angel-like. Y/N wanted to go slow - if slow meant him waiting another minute maximum before he got into her. She touched him and started stroking him. "I have a proposition," she whispered to his ear.

"Anything," and he was sure he'd do anything she desired at the moment.

"Let's skip the fingers and tongues, I need to feel you like now. I want you inside. And the rest can be a nice breakfast tomorrow."

"I can't have that. Let me lick you once, just to taste, hm?"

"You can do whatever. Just make me happy and make me come, finally."

She was wet, ready and impatient. Lando licked her few times, making her regret her request instantly. It was something completely new. He wasn't just spalling his tongue around like the boys before him had. It was as if he had a secret map and was not afraid to be a little rough with his tongue. "Please, don't stop," she almost begged.

"As you said, breakfast," he joked once he was back face to face with her, being proud of himself when he saw her flustered look. Their bodies acted on their own from that moment. He slowly entered her, making sure to stay aware of her expressions. She had her eyes closed and was gripping his shoulders tightly. First moans arrived. Lando recalled Y/N teasing him on the way to the hotel that she likes to express herself verbally. He hoped this was what she talked about, because the sound she made was one of the hottest things he heard. Lando felt as if he belonged inside of her. Started thrusting slowly - and that was the moment Y/N lost it and let go. The rest was a mixture of blurry pleasure waves coming from all parts of the body, alcohol intensifying the experience for both of them. Lando was trapped in the moment and the rhytmn, watched her boobs bounce as he pushed to her. Y/N felt him present at every inch of her skin, his cock hitting spots she had no idea existed. Small waves of pleasure turned bigger with every move, until she collapsed in his arms and screamed out loud. He could watch that on repeat for centuries. She tightened around him for a good few seconds and then released. Lando sped up and pulled out at the dead last moment, hitting her stomach and a part of her arms. He cleaner her up and they both started catching up on their lost breaths. "Forgot to ask you, do you have a condom?" he asked cheekily. She laughed. "You'll send me your test results later, honey," she laughed, fully exhausted and high from all the hormones. Lando's body felt relaxed, as if someone finally allowed him to go off all the tension. Y/N was still receiving small pleasure waves in her fingertips. Was sex supposed to always be this good, she asked herself, putting her previous hook ups in a completely new light. He reached to her face and wiped a tear of sweat from her cheek. During that her studies her, the way her collarbone stood out and how her chest still went up and down faster than usually. Y/N looked him deep into his eyes. It was so easy, no awkward tension. She admired his pretty face and then kissed him lightly.

He was the one to suggest a shower. Tired Y/N grabbed all that was left in her and went ahead. She got up naked and hoped he was watching her. Which he did shamelessly, trying to burn the image of her ass into his brain for later use.

Lando's hair was all curly and cute. Y/N commented on that to which he responded by splashing some water in her face. It was hard to focus on anything else but the way how Lando looked and glowed with ease. "I'll help you with the soap," he offered dearly.

"Always a gentleman," Y/N remarked as he spread it all over her body, being extra focused on very specific parts.

"I don't think my boobs have ever been this clean, Lando," she said and reached for his again erected penis.

"Hygiene, people tend to underestimate it dearly," he managed to get out before dozing off from the way she stroked him, making him come for the second time today.

They dried each other with hotel towels, when Y/N started to come to her sense and usual brain usage levels. "Do you happen to know what happened to my luggage? Is it in the car?"

"Had it all brought here, I guess it's in the second room across the hall."

"Wow, who would assume for you to be such a planner. Shall we get to the second room? And maybe test which bed better?"

Lando smiled. "I can see you falling asleep while standing, honey."

"It feels nice spending time with you, you know?"

He kissed her once again, cupping her cheek and stroking her hair. They went to the other room, brushed their teeth and laid down. Y/N was gone asleep immediately. He watched for few more moments before also dozing off. If he wanted to he, he would - and he really wanted to.

part 6

__________________________________________________

Tagged all those who like to suffer: @prudyhoo @anuksunamon @sagestack @esquerkaren @ushygushybaby @ilove-tswizzle @thehufflepuffavenger1 @superlegend216 @mehrmonga @lovely-blackinnon @mylifeihate1029 @lausdigitaldiary @tswizzleismother @goldenharrysworld @llando4norris @classiclitfreak

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xxspringmelodyxx · 4 months ago

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𝒲𝒽𝓎 𝒩𝑜𝓉 𝑀𝑒~

𝑨𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒐 𝑲𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒂𝒌𝒐 𝒙 𝑭𝒆𝒎!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 (𝑨𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕)

⊱ 𝑯𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒐, 𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒔! 𝑾𝒆'𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒔𝒕. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑨𝒚𝒂𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒍𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒊𝒎. 𝑼𝒏𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚, 𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒐𝒖𝒕, 𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏. 𝑵𝒐𝒘, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆𝒆𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆. 𝑬𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚! ⊰ 𝒘𝒄: 3.7𝒌

✩⁺₊✩☽⋆Warnings: Swearing, angst, sad, sad, sad⋆☾✩⁺₊✩

𝑴𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕

✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ✿⋆·˚❀˚·⋆✿ ˚❀˚·⋆✿

I looked ahead, forcing a smile as I prepared to meet the woman who had captured Ayato’s heart. As I continued towards Ayato's place, my steps grew heavier, each one a painful reminder of what I was about to face. The air seemed thicker, my breath shallow as if my lungs couldn’t expand fully. Suddenly, I stopped in my tracks, my heart feeling as if it had been ripped apart.

From a distance, I saw the man I deeply loved kissing another woman. Not just any woman, but the renowned Kanaka. She is the heir to a powerful merchant family known for their extensive trade networks and influence in high society. She manages the family business with an iron fist, excelling in negotiations and strategic alliances. Every aspect of her life seemed to be polished and perfected, making her appear as the ideal partner for him.

My chest tightened as they gazed lovingly at each other. The world around me blurred, the vibrant summer day turning dull and lifeless. I wanted to be angry at her, to hate everything about her—but I couldn’t. It wasn’t her fault Ayato fell for her. To him, I was just a childhood friend, nothing more.

Besides, Kanaka was a high-class, elegant woman with a sharp intellect and a commanding presence. She exuded grace and sophistication, always dressed in luxurious attire that reflected her prestigious background. She spoke with a confidence that demanded attention, her every move calculated to perfection. Again, perfect for someone like Ayato.

When I finally reached them, Ayato’s eyes lit up and he instantly came to greet me. “Y/N, you made it. I hope the walk wasn’t too much,” he said, his voice a soothing melody that always managed to calm my nerves. I chuckled, trying to hide the ache in my heart. Truthfully, it was a long walk—almost ten miles from where I was. “Nothing I couldn’t handle. Though, meeting halfway next time would be nice,” I replied, making him laugh.

“I apologize for making you walk all this way. I thought it would be a good time for you to meet my girlfriend since she’s in the city. You never know when she’ll be off on another business meeting,” he said, wrapping his arm around Kanaka. She smiled sweetly at Ayato, placing her hand on his chest, her fingers lightly tracing circles as if she owned him.

I shifted uncomfortably, the tension in the air thickening. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, Kanaka. How long have you known Ayato?” I asked, trying to make small talk. Before she answered, I thought I saw a slight glare, but maybe it was just in my head. “Oh, we’ve known each other for about a year, but we’ve been together for almost six months,” she responded, her voice smooth and unwavering. I nodded, forcing a smile.

“Well, you’re very lucky, and Ayato is too. He’s dating the legendary Kanaka we’ve all heard about,” I said, praising her. She smiled, moving closer to Ayato. “Yes, we’re both very lucky. I’m glad I got my hands on him before anyone else could,” she said, eyeing me up and down, her gaze piercing through my facade.

An awkward silence followed, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavily between us. “Well then, I’m a bit thirsty. Shall we have some tea? I’ll ask Thoma to make it,” Ayato said, making my eyes light up. It would be nice to see Thoma again. It’s been a while since we last talked. Plus, it would distract me from the current situation. “I would love that,” I said, making Ayato smile. “Great, you two get to know each other while I help Thoma with the tea,” he said, walking away into his home.

I looked at Kanaka with a smile, trying to be friendly. “So, Kanaka, what brought you back he—” “Cut the small talk. You don’t need to pretend to be friends with me,” she said, catching me off guard. Her voice was sharp, each word laced with underlying hostility. “What?” I asked, hoping I misheard.

“I know how you feel about Ayato. I know about your silly love for him, but I want you away from him. I don’t want to see you near him after today, understood?” she said, making my frustration grow. “Listen, I’ve been best friends with Ayato since we were kids. You don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do with him. Besides, I don’t think he’d like the way you’re talking to me.”

“Oh, you won’t tell him,” she said confidently, her smirk widening. “And why not? Enlighten me,” I said, my anger rising. “Because if you do, this…” she said, holding up a necklace that was very important to me. It was my mother's. She gave it to me before she passed away. My breath caught in my throat. “How did you—” “I found it on Ayato's desk. He told me it was yours and that you accidentally left it when you last visited.” “You wouldn’t dare—” “Oh, but I would. Having you around Ayato makes it difficult for me to accomplish my mission,” Kanaka said with a sly smile. “What mission? What are you planning?” I demanded, confusion and anger boiling within me.

She smirked, circling me like a predator, her eyes never leaving mine. “Ayato is a wealthy man, and his money allows me to do as I please. His high status will elevate my position even further. I can access places and influence decisions that were previously out of reach,” she explained, her tone dripping with ambition. “So you’re just using him for his money and status? But you already have wealth and influence!” I exclaimed, baffled by her greed.

“True, but Ayato’s connections and the additional power I gain through him can open doors even my family’s influence cannot. It’s not just about wealth, it’s about absolute control and domination. I want to be untouchable,” she replied, her eyes gleaming with a cold, ruthless determination. “You're terrible! Wait until I—” “Until you what? Tell him everything I just told you? Why would you do that when you know the only thing left from your mother is in danger of being destroyed?” she taunted, holding up the precious necklace.

I fell silent, my mind racing to find a way to stop her. Instinctively, I lunged at her to grab my necklace. She swiftly tripped me, sending me to the ground. Pain shot through my knees, but I got back up and punched her, desperate to make her let go. We struggled fiercely, yanking on the necklace. “Give it back, you crazy bitch!” I yelled, my voice filled with rage and desperation.

Suddenly, a voice I dreaded hearing rang out. “What is going on here?!” Ayato yelled. We both looked up at him. Kanaka pushed me off her and ran to Ayato, crying fake tears. “Ayato, my love. I was just trying to talk, but she attacked me,” she said, showing him her black eye. “Are you kidding me? Ayato, she’s lying! She’s using you for your wealth. She even threatened to destroy something very important to me so that I wouldn’t tell you!” I retorted. He glared at me, confused and hurt. “How could you hurt her, Y/N? She was just trying to talk to you!” he raised his voice. “Ayato, you can’t seriously believe her—”

“I believe every word. Why would she lie to me?” he said naively. I stared in disbelief. “Ayato, I—” “Enough! You’ve done enough. I thought you’d be happy for me finding someone who loves me. Someone I truly love. But I guess not,” he said with disappointment. “I think it’s best if you leave,” he said, turning away and tending to Kanaka. I looked at her and saw her smirking at me while Ayato hugged her. “Fine.” I said, turning away. “And don’t worry, you won’t hear from me again,” I muttered. Kanaka smirked as she watched me leave, happy to have rid herself of me. “Come on, love. Let’s get you some ice,” Ayato cooed at Kanaka.

Thoma saw everything, shocked at Ayato’s outburst. How could he not believe you? You’ve known each other for years, yet he trusts the girl he’s only known for a year?

He followed me to a small park, watching as I collapsed to the ground, my knees pulled to my chest. He knew he needed to help, and so he ran up to me. Placing his hand on my shoulder, he made me look up at him. “Thoma…What are you doing here?” I asked, my tear-stained face breaking his heart. He knelt beside me, his presence a comforting anchor. “Y/N…” was all he said, understanding what had really happened. My eyes filled with tears again as I hugged him. He hugged me tightly, offering solace in the midst of my heartbreak.

“He didn’t believe me…after all these years…” I sobbed, the weight of betrayal heavy on my heart. Thoma rubbed my back, pained by my distress. “I know…I don’t understand what went through his head. But I want you to know that I believe you,” he said, making me look up. “You do? Why?” I asked, seeking reassurance. “

Because I trust you. Plus, I remember you crying over a dead butterfly because you accidentally stepped on it. I knew then it was almost impossible for you to hurt someone unless they deserved it,” he said, emitting a half-hearted laugh from me. “That butterfly probably had a family!” I retorted, seeing Thoma smile. “There's that smile.” He said happily, sitting down beside me. We watched the sky, admiring its beauty in silence. That was until Thoma decided to ask me a question.

“May I ask…why did you punch Kanaka?” I sighed, my body deflating, “It was because she stole something from me,” I admitted. He looked at me, encouraging me to continue. “She took my necklace…the one my mother gave me before she…you know.”

“What?! Why did she have that in the first place?” he asked, his voice tinged with anger. “I accidentally left it on Ayato’s desk last time I was here. Now she’s threatening to destroy it if I get close to Ayato. I can’t even see him anymore,” I explained, my voice trembling. Thoma, usually calm, looked visibly angry. He cared deeply about those close to him and couldn’t stand seeing them hurt or threatened. He stood up, ready to march back.

“Where are you going?” I asked. “I’m going to settle this once and for all. You don’t deserve this, especially after all you’ve done for Ayato,” he said firmly. I quickly ran up to him. “No! Stop, Thoma!” I said, pushing him down. “Y/N, let me go teach Ayato and that woman a lesson,” he said, surprising me with his anger. “No! If you do, she’ll destroy the only thing I have left of my mother,” I pleaded, my voice breaking.

“Please, Thoma. She’s already taken Ayato from me…don’t let her take the other thing I love,” I begged, making him frown. “Fine. But only because I hate seeing you hurt. But if she does anything else to you, it’s game over,” he warned. “When did you become so fierce?” I asked with a small smile. “When someone I care about is being threatened,” he said, making me smile.

We both got up and dusted ourselves off. “Well, no matter what Ayato says, I still want to see you. It would be boring if I didn’t. I’ll even teach you some of my cooking tricks…and maybe how to make my amazing tea,” he said, making my eyes light up. “Really?”

“Of course! It’s about time you learned,” he said, making me smile. “I would love that! But I’ll only go there for you. I can’t be anywhere near Ayato or that necklace is gone. In the meantime, I have to figure out how to get it back,” I said, making him nod.

“Well, I better head back. Meet me whenever you’re ready. But make sure it’s soon. I don’t want to worry about whether you’re coming if you take too long,” he joked, making me smile. “Don’t worry, I’ll be there soon. For now, I’m going home to figure some things out. Talk to you later, Thoma.” “Bye, Y/n. I’ll see you soon!” he replied, watching me disappear.

A few months passed, and Ayato found himself desperately missing you. After the argument, the void your absence created quickly became evident to him. Almost a week after the incident, he spotted you approaching. Ready to greet you with a warm hug, his confusion grew when you walked past him without so much as a glance. Initially, he thought you were simply in a hurry, but it became clear this wasn’t the case when it happened every time you visited. What stung the most was seeing you always heading to Thoma. He watched as you and Thoma laughed and smiled together, a sight that fueled his jealousy.

Ayato made several attempts to talk to you, but each one was met with curt replies. “Hey Y/N, how are you?” he asked, hoping to start a conversation. “Fine,” you said, quickly walking away. “Are you doing anything today?” he inquired. “Busy helping Thoma.” “Wanna go for a walk?” “Not now.” No matter what he tried, you remained distant, and each rejection tightened the ache in his chest. Months had passed, and it was like this every time you visited. It was driving him insane.

Today was no different. He sat with Kanaka, his eyes fixed on you as you happily chatted with Thoma, your smile brighter than the sun. Why were you acting this way? Was it because of the argument? Kanaka was talking beside him, but Ayato’s focus was entirely on you. He watched closely, his jealousy spiking every time Thoma hugged you, whispered in your ear, or laughed with you. But why did he feel this way? You were single, and he had Kanaka. He shouldn’t be acting like this. Then why did sadness and jealousy twist in his heart every time he saw you with Thoma? He had Kanaka…that should be enough, right?

Ayato’s eyes widened as a familiar, yet long-suppressed, feeling began to stir within him–his feelings for you were resurfacing. He had convinced himself that those emotions were buried deep, rendered inert by time and circumstance. But as he glanced at Kanaka, who was engrossed in her conversation about commissions, his gaze inevitably drifted back to you.

He couldn’t help but notice the brightness of your smile, the sparkle in your eyes as you talked to Thoma. It struck him how much he missed the way you used to look at him like that, how much he longed to hear your voice again. Lost in his thoughts, he unknowingly tightened his grip on his tea glass until it shattered, the sharp sound jolting everyone around. In that moment, his eyes met yours. He saw your beautiful eyes, but the brief relief he felt quickly dissipated as he noticed the light in them had faded, replaced by a profound sadness.

“My dear! Are you alright?” Kanaka asked, but he remained silent. The two of you stared at each other, waiting for someone to break the silence. Unfortunately, it was you who looked away first. He heard Kanaka grumble when she saw the two of you staring at each other.

Odd.

Suddenly, Ayato saw you stand up and thank Thoma. As you turned to leave, something inside him snapped. He couldn’t let you walk away again. Not this time. “Y/N!” he called out, his voice louder than he intended. You stopped but didn’t turn towards him. “Why don’t you come here and join me for some tea? I know it’s your favorite,” he said, a hint of desperation in his tone. “No thanks. I’ve got to go—”

“Yeah, besides, you don’t need her, darling. You can talk to me,” Kanaka interrupted, causing you to glare at her.

“Y/N, please—” “I said no. I’m leaving. Goodbye, Thoma.”

That’s when Ayato’s frustration boiled over. “Thoma this, Thoma that. Hello, Thoma! Goodbye, Thoma! I’m sick of you saying his name! What about me?” he shouted, his voice thick with frustration and hurt. You wrapped your arms around yourself, feeling the sting of his words. The truth was, this hurt you as much as it hurt him. You desperately wanted to make amends with the man you loved…but he chose her over you. And you couldn’t risk losing your necklace, not after losing the most important thing in your life.

“Oh, now you’re not gonna speak to me again? Great. Go ahead, ignore me then. I’ve never seen you act this way before, and quite frankly, I don’t care for it,” Ayato said, his frustration pushing you over the edge. You turned around, eyes blazing with anger. “You don’t get to speak to me like a child! Not after how you treated me during our fight!” you yelled back. “You’re still on about that? That was months ago! Get over it!” he shouted.

“Get over it? How am I supposed to just get over someone who I thought was my best friend—no, the love of my life—believe some girl he barely knows over me! You know the girl who has always been there for you since day one!” you shouted, not realizing you had just confessed to him. His eyes widened at your words. You… loved him? Suddenly, he felt his heart flutter in ways Kanaka never could make it. Kanaka looked furious.

You continued, “Ever since the incident with your parents, I’ve been there for you. I made sure you had someone to sleep next to when you were afraid, I lent you my shoulder to cry on when you needed it, I gave up my happiness for you so you could be happy with this… woman you call your girlfriend!”

“Y/N…” he started, but you cut him off. “But even after all that, it still wasn’t enough for you. I will never be enough for you. I can’t compete with her beauty, her knowledge, her strength—everything! She will always have the upper hand.” Did you really think you were nothing compared to Kanaka? Oh how wrong you were. In his mind, no one could compare to you. Everything about you was unique and special to him.

“Y/N, you’ve got it all wrong—”

“But one thing is for sure. I have more love for you than she ever will. And if you think I enjoy ignoring you, then you don’t know me at all because I’ve been dreading it!” “Then why are you doing it?” he asked, desperate for an answer. “Tell me why!” “Because you chose her over me! And if I get close to you, that necklace she has will be destroyed! I already lost you; I can’t lose that too!” you yelled, making him look down at Kanaka.

For the first time, he saw the malice in her eyes. She grabbed the necklace and held it high. “No! Stop!” you cried, trying to run towards her. “Ah, ah, ah! One more step and this is gone!” she shouted. “You will walk away, and once you’re gone, I’ll send it to you. But I don’t want you around Ayato anymore. Is that clear?” she demanded, making Ayato furious. “Now wait just a second. Y/N will not—”

“Fine,” you interrupted, making him look at you in disbelief. “If I leave Ayato for good, you promise to give me the necklace back?” you asked. “You can’t be serious, Y/N. You’d leave me just for your necklace?” he asked, heartbroken. “I have no other choice. You made your decision; now I have to deal with the consequences,” you replied, your voice cold. “Y/N, stop. I don’t like hearing you say that—”

“I don’t care, Ayato. We’re done. It’s over. When you chose her over me, all my feelings for you vanished,” you lied. “You don’t mean that—” “Oh, I mean every word,” you said, glaring at Kanaka. “I’m leaving. That necklace better be at my place within a week,” you demanded, turning to leave. Kanaka smirked and let go of the necklace, letting it fall.

Ayato, Thoma, and you watched as it fell. Ayato suddenly pushed Kanaka away and ran towards it, but it was too late. The delicate necklace shattered on the hard floor. You cried out, scrambling to gather the pieces, tears streaming down your face. “Guards! Seize this woman!” Ayato yelled. A group of large men grabbed Kanaka.

“What!? You can’t do this! I am Kanaka!” she screamed, but they ignored her and threw her out of Ayato’s home. He looked down at your broken figure, his heart aching. He knew how important that necklace was to you, and it was his fault it broke. He heard you sniffle and tried to kneel down to help, but you pushed him away with hatred in your eyes. “Go away! Just get away from me! I don’t want to be around you, and I don’t want your help! You’ve done enough damage!” you yelled, your voice breaking.

“Y/N, I just—”

“No! Stop talking!” you screamed, rising to your feet, the broken pieces still in your hand. You started to walk out. Ayato felt tears well up in his eyes. “Y/N! Come back—”

“I never want to see you again! It would be best if you just disappeared from my life,” you said, slamming the gate shut as you left. Ayato’s tears fell as he knelt to the ground, a severe pain in his heart. “Y/N…I-I’m so sorry…” he whispered, realizing he had lost the true love of his life.

┗━━━━━━⊱ 𝑷𝒕. 𝑰𝑰 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒐𝒏 <3333 ⊰━━━━━━┛

#genshin imagines #genshin impact #genshin x reader #angst #genshin #genshin impact x reader #kamisato ayato #ayato x reader #genshin ayato #thoma #kamisato ayaka #genshin impact scenarios #genshin impact imagines #ayato x you #ayato x fem!reader #kamisato clan #ayato angst #genshin impact angst #genshin angst

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internetegoist · 4 months ago

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Of Shidou Ryusei ; And how his character connects towards sexual trauma

(Content warning: Major mentions of SA/CSA and abuse, minor mentions for NSFW behaviour. Most of them aren't in graphic detail, but please please be wary of it 🙏 There's also spoilers for CSM and A Clockwork Orange)

Shidou's character is one of those that sticks with you throughout the entire series. It feels like we know everything about him, yet there's something so mysterious about his behaviour that makes you wonder, what's with this guy? We know how he acts, his violence and vulgarity injected in his brain and blood, but yet we don't know why he acts the way he is. It is very heavily implied that he went through a sort of restriction, born in a bird cage which he freed himself from through going to Blue Lock, but what is that restriction? What was the bird cage which trapped him? What was it that was holding him back from searching for freedom and exploring the world?

Since then, there's been a large speculation of theories on what his backstory could be. But one of them I want to talk about is about how his backstory is connected to SA, and how he could have experienced it at a young age. At first, I was extremelyyy hesitant to follow it due to how it made me a bit uncomfortable to discuss about, and how I saw a majority of people supporting the theory use it for shock value rather than a chance to devolve into darker topics. Of course, not the case for everyone who supports the theory, just from my own personal experience in the fandom.

But now, I can see the extremely, deeply discomforting vision on how this could be true in a way. From both his favourite manga and movie involving SA as an integral part in the story, to the concerning side of him being slightly revealed in the Egoist Bible. (Eg. crying at the end of the day, when he's feeling nothing or when he's empty, as well as his dislike of gifts)

Due to my heavy interests, I wanted to explore this theory into a more deeper matter. I decided to analyze more of his behaviour, as well as doing some of my own research. I must say, Shidou's behavioral manner can be one that is similar to those of SA survivors, especially male survivors.

Okay okay, enough yapping around. Let me get straight to the point.

Shidou and his instinct's responses

Generally after experiencing sexual abuse, one's entire personality will change. Every behaviour change is different for every sexual abuse survivor. Sometimes they'll isolate themselves more often, sometimes they turn into a much aggressive and violent person. Because the world has failed them, the world is putting them in a place where they are no longer safe and are more vulnerable. Because when your entire sense of self and personal power is taken away by your abuser, you are left with nothing but fear and new survival instincts. Why I bring this up is because Shidou's entire personality is built on instincts. His instant response to even the slightest hint of dislike or threat is to immediately beat them up, no matter who they are. A noteworthy thing to mention is that one of the main responses from males following sexual trauma is anger, because it is more socially acceptable for men to react that way. Attacking someone is the best way of defense, and Shidou follows this way of defense entirely. This also follows up with the stigma with the male ethic of self-reliance, in which help-seeking behaviours can be seen as cowardly or unmasculine.

It's most likely the reason why he also dislikes Kunigami's philosophy of heroes; Considering the fact his entire character is based on wanting to be free from restriction, he must have lived in an environment and/or went through a sort of restriction which influenced his ideals of "I can fend myself, I won't need anyone". The world he has grown up in was nothing but survival against the abuse he went through, so for what purpose should he believe in the principle of a savior, if he himself could have never been saved? It doesn't help either when in real time, there have been many cases where survivors of sexual abuse are either never believed when they speak out about it, or never speak out at all in fear of not being believed.

And besides the fact he uses violence as a defense method, one thing I noticed about Shidou is that during the time he was locked up by Ego for inducing violence onto Rin. We see him, perhaps for the first time, being calm and offering a promise that he'll make sure to stop fighting and hitting others, as long as he is let out of that prison he's trapped in. You see, a common reaction victims will use during the process of the SA is to freeze. To stay silent and still. It's like how animals freeze to avoid fights or further harm to themselves, or play dead in order to prevent getting eaten by predators. Although the outer self may seem to be in a calm state, the inside are on high alert, because they are afraid on what will be their abuser's next moves. The option to fight or run away may seem easy to those who haven't experienced SA, but to the victim it may seem harder than you think. Because freezing is a body's instinct response to abuse, and it'll stay frozen until the abuse is over, it's almost like a human's way of playing dead, so that the assault induced will end sooner. Among the instincts of 'fight, flight, freeze', Shidou seems to use fight the most out of the three. However, when necessary times come necessary measures, Shidou, perhaps for the first time, switches to 'freeze' instead of 'fight'. Not only because he basically, cannot physically fight anyone at that moment, but also because he is afraid. Afraid of being restricted yet again, afraid of not having the chance to live his life, which is to play football. The worst position to be in when you're being hurt or abused is limitation. You can't move, you can't fight, you can't run away from your abuse from happening. Nothing but hope that the abuse happening to you will end soon, that your abuser will stop hurting you. That's exactly what is so terrifying about the freeze responses.

Shidou and his sexual behaviour

If any fan knows anything about Shidou, it's that he's not afraid to speak out what's on his mind, especially lewd and inappropriate words. More or less, this can be connecting to something called hypersexuality. Accordingly, hypersexuality is defined as an intense focus on sexual fantasies, urges and behaviours that can't be controlled. Hypersexuality can not only cause distress, but also problems in school and workplace.

Survivors of sexual abuse cope in one of the two ways: Either by avoiding sexual or intimidate interactions entirely, or seeking said interactions on a large and unhealthy scale. According to this article, a majority of men who suffer from hypersexuality or sex addiction have been either physically or sexually abused in their childhood.

We see Shidou quite literally compare scoring a goal in football, to sexual intercourse. (And also the part where he says he's gonna blow his load, with Sae also dismissing it, but it's just partners supporting each other!)

By now, we know that two things that Shidou is unable to separate from each other is life and football. Both the act of life and the act of playing football is interconnected. Because football is something that allows him to leave a mark, allows him to be known by the world. Because football is a biological phenomenon to him, rather than just a sport.

And yes sure, this is supposed to be a connection to his philosophy of leaving a mark on others, so that you can be remembered. But also remember what he says in his monologue: "Those who create something, those who want to become something, and of course, those who make children." The way humans create life is through intimacy, through intercourse. The two people engaging leave a mark on each other through creating that life, that child.

And while speaking about his monologue of leaving a mark, Shidou also mentions that wounding others are a way of leaving behind a proof of existence. Inducing abuse whether it'd be physical, emotional or sexual, can also be one of the ways to make someone remember you.

The abuser leaves the mark on the victim, the mentioned mark left on them can be seen as PTSD or trauma symptoms.

Abuse is not something you can just simply turn away, forget or overlook. Whether the effects of trauma are short-term or long-term, they are there, they are a proof of existence that it happened. Shidou's inability to separate the physical act of football and the biological act of life's desires, especially sexual desires, can be seen as hypersexuality. Hypersexuality can also be seen as a mark left onto the victim. And it's extremely lengthy to recover and remove those marks left on you.

Of Freedom and Shidou Ryusei

I think Shidou Ryusei and his obsession with freedom is something so interesting about his character, yet so many people tend to ignore it as a significant part of him. Because imagine if one day out of the blue, your entire bodily autonomy gets taken away from you, you're trapped in a cycle of repetitive abuse onto you. When it's finally over and you have control over everything again, the world suddenly feels so utterly different. So what do you do? Of course, cling onto that freedom that is now yours.

Bite any other hand that may seem like it's trying to take it away, because if there is one thing you do not ever want to repeat, it is someone isolating you once more against the world. So hold on tightly to the freedom you now have, and make sure it stays with you for eternity.

All of Shidou's favourite things, his favourite film, manga and song, are also connected to this in a way.

It would take too long for me to get into detail about both Chainsaw Man and A Clockwork Orange, but I want to say that both media and their protagonists have approaches to freedom of life and choice.

In Chainsaw Man, Denji is a child that has been depraved of even the basic of human needs; Just like Shidou, he wants to claim everything in his current life and not return to when he had nothing when he was a child. In A Clockwork Orange, Alexander who in the beginning of the movie has been committing heinous crimes with no one to stop him, is captured and put through inhumane experiments in order to rehabilitate him. His entire freedom is taken away from him and for the next hour, we see him go through immense suffering and torture by those who he had wronged to the point he attempts to commit suicide through jumping off a window. In the end, it doesn't seem like his mindset has changed at all. It makes us question whether or not letting someone be free to do anything they want is the better option even if it hurts others, rather than attempt to isolate them in order to transform them into a better human being.

I would like to talk a little about his favourite artist. For a bit of context, hide is popular for being an icon of rebellion against Japan's conformist society, and one of his songs PINK SPIDER, is listed as Shidou's favourite song according to the official Blue Lock Egoist Bible. I've seen a lot of interpretations of what the song truly means, but the main story is that it's about a spider trapped within and kills anything near it. Because it wishes to free itself away, it steals a butterfly's wings. It attempts to fly, and fails, and tries again. Whether or not the spider did actually succeeded in flying away is unknown to us. But, that's not all!

Around the chapter where Shidou scores a goal, the commenter calls it a 'rocket diving header'. This can lead to one of hide's other songs in the same album as PINK SPIDER, rocket dive; a song with the similar approach of freedom but with different tones. Compared to PINK SPIDER, rocket dive has a more cheerful approach. In the end of the song, the star mentioned in rocket dive successfully flies away and appears as a new shooting star in the sky.

Which brings me to point out something: Shidou Ryusei's birthday is on Tanabata, a type of Japanese celebration called the Star Festival which is celebrated on the seventh day of the seventh month.

His name, Ryusei, is also a homophone for shooting star in Japanese.

Shidou, born as a star on the day where two lover stars meet, yet when he was born, he was not allowed to fly and join the others in the sky.

But he overcame everything, achieved that dream of having the freedom to do whatever he wants. And even though he went through all that pain, all that abuse, and most likely had to learn how to escape by himself through football before Blue Lock, he made it come true, like a spell.

And eventually, he learnt how to fly, and let the world knew who he was.

#cw child abuse #cw csa #shidou ryusei #blue lock #bllk #ryusei shidou #shidou ryuusei #character analysis #bllk analysis #character study #character examination #i deeply apologize for the repetitive words and any mistakes i made it's so late i can't be bothered to fix it until tomorrow #this is my first time writing such a long analysis and posting it publicly. please be nice to me.#i worked on this shit for TWO WEEKS and will probably not like it later but you know what it's better to never post anything at all

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neostrayteez · 2 years ago

Text

DANCE ALL DAY

PAIRING. jung wooyoung x female reader

WORD COUNT. 6.4k

SUMMARY. you couldn’t have asked for a better roommate than Wooyoung. until he asks you to stop bringing guys over.

WARNINGS. smut, profanity, brief alcohol use

PLAYLIST. “say so” by doja cat

LIKE IT LOVE IT NEED IT BAD TAKE IT OWN IT STEAL IT FAST

Sharing an apartment with a guy that was not your boyfriend always got you some weird looks, but you wouldn’t trade having Wooyoung as your roommate for anything.

That changed last night.

You had a bit of a system when it came to boys and it was foolproof. Your commitment issues and daddy issues banded together to make you totally undateable and so, you were sticking with the casual thing.

Which was a nice way of saying you were in a friends with benefits situation.

Up until now, it hadn’t been an issue. You mastered a balancing act of three guys - each of them a friend you trusted implicitly with your body and very rarely your need for affection. When you had an itch that needed scratching, you called up whichever boy was available and sent him home with a kiss after.

You weren’t noisy; you were very discreet. You never paraded your booty calls around your roommate. None of them stayed for breakfast or dinner.

And that was why you were stunned when Wooyoung asked, “Can you please stop bringing guys over?”

You blinked and immediately assumed the worst. “I’m sorry. Did one of them say something to you?”

Though given detailed instructions on how to behave when in your shared apartment, it would be just like San to say something snarky on his way out. Even Hongjoong wouldn’t pass up a chance to let your roomie know you were getting railed. Only in Seonghwa did you trust. He wouldn’t utter a word about what happened in your bedroom.

“No,” Wooyoung said, and you breathed out in relief. “It’s just… I don’t know. Forget I said anything.”

You sidled closer to him on the sofa and put a comforting hand on his arm, insisting, “No, this is your space, too. I won’t bring anyone into it if you’re uncomfortable.”

Wooyoung could barely look at you, which was definitely out of the ordinary. He glanced down at your hand on his arm like it unnerved him and that made you feel horribly out of place. Usually, you and Wooyoung were touchy with each other, like inseparable besties as well as roommates.

Most evenings consisted of you molded to him on the couch in front of the television, his arm around you and his hand on your waist or hip. Both of you were cuddly. There was nothing wrong with that.

Or so you had been led to believe.

“I’m uncomfortable,” Wooyoung said, making you worry even more.

“Oh. Okay.”

Wooyoung apologized again and quickly retreated to his room.

To say you were miffed would be an understatement. You cared deeply about Wooyoung. He was a great roommate and an even better friend, and you weren’t ready to lose him.

Determined to get to the bottom of things, you took out your phone and messaged each of your hookups and asked, Did you say something to my roommate the last time you were here?

No, was - thank goodness - the unanimous answer.

San, however, was the only one to ask, Why?

You knew better than to respond, because San would find a way to tease you for this. He was playful by nature and loved to get a rise out of you any way he could. He also had some rivalry with your roommate. They played the same sports, were in the same dance club, and had mutual friends on campus.

You couldn’t help yourself. San was unfortunately very easy to talk to and you were at a loss when it came to Wooyoung.

He doesn’t want me having sex in the apartment anymore, you replied.

San responded with a bunch of laughing emojis.

You frowned. For once, couldn’t he take things seriously? It’s not funny, you texted rapidly. He says he’s uncomfortable.

Yeah. Uncomfortable that he’s not the one giving you dick.

Your jaw dropped and you exclaimed aloud to an empty room, “What?!”

You called San and he picked up after the first ring, chuckling as he said, “You really didn’t know?”

“You’re serious?” You lowered your voice, mindful of your roommate in the next room. “Wooyoung is into me?”

“God, you’re dense. I don’t haul ass out of your apartment because I want to get away from you - I’m trying to avoid getting murdered by your roomie!”

You slumped back against the couch, shaking your head. Of all the bullshit, this was the one you didn’t anticipate. Wooyoung never hit on you. Not once. Sure, he flirted with you and you flirted back. It was harmless. If he had ever made a romantic move on you, you would have stopped it, but he didn’t.

“I really don’t know what to do with this information,” you whined, rubbing your brow.

San replied without missing a beat, “Bone him.”

“San…”

“It will break the spell! You’re this beautiful girl that doesn’t hide that she likes sex. He’s got you up like an angel on a pedestal. If he actually gets to touch you for once, maybe he’ll chill the fuck out.”

“Or it will completely fuck up our roommate dynamic,” you shot back. Running a hand through your hair, your imagination immediately went to images of Wooyoung. Having sex with him had crossed your mind before. Intrusive thoughts, but mostly just plain curiosity.

He was handsome. Duh. And that gorgeous smile? Whew. Naturally, you never voiced either of these opinions, because Wooyoung’s ego already struggled to fit into the apartment.

Rustling in the background brought you back to the phone call. It sounded like San was at the gym, as to be expected for someone with his physique. Wooyoung hit the gym a lot too. Lately, you noticed its effects on his arms and shoulders, leading to more intrusive thoughts you stifled down.

“Maybe,” San said in a cute voice. “You won’t know until you try.”

You pursed your lips. “I keep forgetting you get off to me fucking other people.”

San laughed loudly at that. “Do it or don’t do it. I’ll still come running when you call me.”

“Good to know. Bye, San.”

San, the little shit, had ruined your entire evening. You avoided Wooyoung like the plague, because you didn’t know what in the actual hell you were supposed to do now.

Talking to him would be the first step, obviously, but where would you even start?

You decided to get a second opinion, hoping this one would settle all of your doubts.

Hongjoong answered your call with a low, “What’s good?”

“Promise me you won’t laugh.”

“Okay?”

You whispered, “Does Wooyoung like me?”

There was a short pause followed by Hongjoong giggling.

“Joong!”

“Calm your perfect tits,” he chided playfully, then his tone took a dive. “But leave me the fuck out of it.”

“You knew this whole time and you didn’t say anything?!”

“What did you want me to say exactly? ‘Hey, your roommate is jacking off to us fucking.’ It would have killed the mood.”

“Not in San’s case,” you deadpanned.

Hongjoong chuckled.

You smiled at the sound of his laughter, but your lips slowly lowered into a frown. You sighed. “I guess I have to talk to him.”

“I guess you do.”

Hongjoong, of course, was no help, but this did mean that two out of three boys confirmed Wooyoung liked you as more than a friend. But you needed more than that. You needed more than reassurance.

You needed someone to tell you what to do. Matters of the heart were a foreign language to you.

That left Seonghwa, the feelings expert.

“Just talk to him,” he said sweetly, but with urging. “You know him. You’ve been living together how long?”

“Over a year.”

“Exactly.”

You glanced at the clock. You’d been on the phone with Seonghwa for almost an hour.

“Done stalling yet?” Seonghwa teased. He knew you too well.

You nodded, looking at a strip of pictures of you and Wooyoung taken in a photo booth last summer. “Almost.”

Seonghwa snickered.

“Thanks, Hwa.”

“Do you love him?”

You sucked in a breath like he just socked you in the stomach. “That’s a strong word.”

“As a friend?”

You chewed on your lip, glancing down at the photos again. “Yeah, I love him. He’s my guy.”

Wooyoung was the first person you saw in the morning and the last person you saw at night. He was always willing to study with you for hours on end, pulled his own weight in keeping the apartment tidy no matter how much he despised cleaning and complimented whatever you cooked. Even the food you burnt to an accidental crisp.

He made you laugh till you cried, cried freely with you during sad movies, and covered you tenderly with a blanket when you fell asleep on the couch. There were a few times you crashed at the dining table, your head on an open textbook and your neck at a very uncomfortable angle, but you woke up the next morning in your bed, because Wooyoung had carried you to your room and tucked you in.

Your roommate never overstepped your boundaries or made you feel like you owed him in any way. He was just there - always; a steady, reliable presence in your chaotic life.

The more you sat and thought about him, the more you accepted how much love you had for Wooyoung.

“I think you answered your own question,” Seonghwa said and you could tell by his tone he was smiling.

You thanked him again and said goodbye, wallowing in the silence and your conflicted feelings, and weighing your options. And what you decided to do next.

In the evening, when Wooyoung came home, his hair still damp from a shower after soccer practice, he immediately let out a loud approving sound. “What is she cooking?” your roommate exclaimed, practically kicking off his shoes.

You grinned from ear to ear. “Get in here and find out!”

Wooyoung hung up his things before rushing into the kitchen, eyes darting toward the crackling on the stove. “Fried rice?” he asked, peering over your shoulder.

You held out a spoonful to him, hovering your hand underneath to catch any falling pieces, and shoveled it into his mouth.

“Mm!” Wooyoung was dramatic as always, making a bunch of noises and smacking his lips together. Though, in his defense, it was very good. “Delicious!”

“And lots of side dishes,” you said, pointing at the collection of bowls on the counter full of seasoned vegetables and the like. “I know how you get after practice.”

“Like a bottomless pit,” Wooyoung quipped as his stomach rumbled, leaving the kitchen to set the table in the living room in front of the television.

As you ate together, you asked about his day and he asked about yours. You both spoke casually about upcoming assignments and exams, then switched to spring break which was looming.

All the while, you caught yourself staring at Wooyoung. You were waiting to see that look in his eyes - the unmistakable sign a boy was into you. But all you saw was affection. Wooyoung’s eyes sparkled like stars whenever he looked at you, but that was what you had come to expect from him.

He always looked at the world around him like it was one big playground for him to explore and conquer.

And in that moment, you realized you wanted your body to be added to that list.

After clearing the table, bellies full, you set out two glasses and filled them with red wine.

Wooyoung watched you top off his glass and joked, “Trying to get me drunk?”

You snorted. “Me first.”

That had his attention. “Oh?” Wooyoung took a sip. “What’s bothering you?”

Feeling his eyes on you, you gulped down some of the wine and asked, “Can we talk?”

“Of course.”

You propped your head on your hand, studying him. In the past day, you had become hyper aware of Wooyoung, desperate to know if he felt something for you before you made a fool of yourself.

He watched you with that same adorable smile, an extra twinkle in his eyes courtesy of the soft buzz setting in from wine. But hadn’t he always looked at you like that?

Yes.

Wooyoung mirrored you, holding his head on his hand, making you smile bashfully.

You took a breath and finally said, “Why don’t you want me bringing guys over anymore?”

Your roommate frowned and his pretty smile dropped, every feature of his face shifting to fear like a spooked animal. He sat up and fiddled with his glass. “I told you. It makes me uncomfortable.”

“Can you hear us? I’ve always been careful to be quiet and not disturb you.”

“No. I mean, yeah. I can hear a little bit, but…” he trailed off.

“But?”

Wooyoung turned to you sharply. “Do you like those guys?”

You shrugged. “They’re my friends. I like having sex with them. I trust them.”

Blunt and to the point. Wooyoung always respected that about you, but it wasn’t the answer he was looking for. “Why don’t you date them?” he pressed.

You pretended to wince and said, “Sorry, Woo. Only my therapist is welcome on that conversation.”

Wooyoung was flustered and lowered his head to hide it. He so badly wanted to understand you. “I didn’t mean to pry. I’m sorry.”

Your first instinct was to comfort him, but you couldn’t understand why this was difficult for him to talk about. Wooyoung had always been open and fearless about everything. Why did that stop with you?

“I feel like I’ve made things awkward between us now,” he said with a heavy sigh.

Yeah, you thought, but you didn’t voice that because you didn’t want it to be true. You decided your friendship with Wooyoung was far more important than getting laid and you would make arrangements not to fool around in the apartment anymore.

But that wouldn’t solve the real issue. If Wooyoung liked you, as your trio of fuck boys were certain he did, things would only fester.

“Answer me one thing and answer honestly.”

Wooyoung nodded. “Okay.”

“If me bringing guys into our apartment bothers you, I won’t do it anymore. I’ll respect your space.”

Wooyoung thanked you.

“But,” you continued, holding up a finger to let him know you weren’t finished. “If you want me to stop bringing them over because you’re jealous I’m having sex, then we need to talk about it.”

Wooyoung’s eyes widened and he became understandably defensive. “I’m not jealous. I hook up with people, too!”

“Alright then.”

“It’s just…”

“What?”

Wooyoung scratched the back of his head. He wanted to be honest. It was in his nature, but he regretted the words the moment they left his big mouth. “When you’re with them, I know what you’re doing. I’m not an idiot. And… it turns me on.”

You made a face. Damn you, Choi San.

It was just about the sex. There were no deeply rooted feelings. Wooyoung was just a boy and you were just a girl, and knowing you were getting fucked aroused him. It was basic biology.

“You could always ask to join in, you know,” you said dryly, hoping it would put him at ease.

Wooyoung did the last thing you expected - he visibly bristled. The idea infuriated him. His brows stitched and his nostrils flared as he snapped, “No. Hell no. I would never share you. I wouldn’t let any man touch you but me.”

Your lips parted. Damn it. You were wrong. The fuck boys were right, after all.

Wooyoung realized what he’d done - what he admitted to you - you, his best friend, his roommate and his unrequited crush. A secret he had successfully hidden for months and just spilled all over you.

“I… fuck!” Wooyoung stammered, knowing damn well there was no recovering from this humiliation. “I’m so fucked now. Aren’t I?”

The corner of your mouth lifted. “Only if you want to be.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

You stood up slowly and told him, “I’m going to my room now. Do you want to come with me?”

Wooyoung stared up at you in disbelief and there was a cute crack in his voice when he said, “To your room?”

“Yes.”

Your roommate was on his feet in the time it took you to blink.

You grabbed him by the hand and led Wooyoung with you into the bedroom, closing the door behind you. You stopped at the foot of your bed and turned around, smoothing your hands up his chest and to his head, winding your fingers into his hair.

Wooyoung held onto your waist, his eyes glazed over like he couldn’t believe this was happening. He stared at your lips before scanning your face, searching for any sign of hesitation.

He found none.

“Kiss me,” you whispered, tipping your head back and closing your eyes.

Wooyoung met his lips to yours slowly, sending a pleasant heat rushing through your body.

You couldn’t help but smile. He kissed you gently and intimately, and tightened his arms around you to bring you flush against him. You hummed a little as you melted into the warmth of his body and deepened the kiss.

Wooyoung broke reluctantly from your lips to search your face again, hoping you liked kissing him as much as he liked kissing you, and smirked when he saw the daze in your eyes.

“Wow,” you said, looking at him hungrily. He had just opened a well deep inside you and you were ready to have it filled.

“Yeah.” Wooyoung swallowed the lump in his throat. The tension in his chest was almost painful, the ache his body had for you was even worse.

“Keep going.”

Wooyoung didn’t need to be told twice. This time, when he kissed you, it was scalding and heavy, causing a catch in his breath.

You held onto his arms as he moved forward, legs bumping into yours. When the backs of your knees felt the edge of the mattress, you fell back and took him with you.

“Fuck,” Wooyoung groaned before slipping his tongue into your mouth.

You fisted a hand in his hair and hooked your legs around his hips. That got Wooyoung’s attention, because he grunted and pressed himself against your clothed sex in a heat-seeking thrust.

“You wanna get naked?” you asked, nibbling at his lips.

Wooyoung chuckled. “Is that a trick question?”

You batted your lashes at him coyly. “I’m just following your lead.”

With a shake of his head (because he still hadn’t accepted you were actually beneath him), Wooyoung sat up, your legs still wrapped his waist, and stripped off his shirt.

You helped him get it over his head and immediately brushed your hands over his toned chest and abs. He was hard to the touch, and hot as hell. Like he carried the sun inside him. It would make sense, considering the way his smile always lit up the room.

Wooyoung snickered as your hands bumped into his, hurriedly trying to undress each other, stealing kisses in between. You shimmied his jeans down his legs and Wooyoung lost his balance, landing on you. He distracted you from teasing him for it by slotting his lips back to yours, swallowing your laughter.

Dragging your fingertips down his back, you hummed into his mouth, trying not to think about how crazed he made you, how badly you wanted him to touch you until he’d felt every inch of you. Wooyoung was trying and failing not to think about your breasts against his chest, but the brush of your perked nipples on his skin made him buck his hips into you.

You gasped for breath when Wooyoung trailed wet kisses down your neck, finding a sensitive spot to suck and bruise. You rocked into him, feeling his clothed cock rubbing against your sex, and whimpered. Your pulse was out of control, thundering through your body. You wondered if he could hear it.

The little noises you made as he nibbled at your neck and palmed over your breasts, teasing your nipples, had Wooyoung endlessly swearing. Fuck’s sake, every single thing she does is so fucking pretty.

“You’re so beautiful,” Wooyoung purred in your ear, smashing his lips on yours before you could answer with a kiss that made your heart stop altogether.

You were running out of patience at breakneck speed. You wanted him inside you then and there before you lost your mind. If he only knew that you were aching for him, but you were too busy kissing him to admit it. Instead, you drifted your hands down his body and grabbed at his cock.

Wooyoung finally tore himself away from you to strip out of his boxers. You licked your lips the moment his hard cock slipped free and got on hands and knees, reaching for his dick and fisting the head.

“Shit,” Wooyoung whined, staggering out a moan. You’d wasted no time and leaned forward, steering his cock into your mouth and sealing your lips around it.

Don’t come, Wooyoung told himself. Repeatedly. But it was probably in vain. The girl he liked since the moment he met her - you - who was always in the room beside his, but felt like worlds away, was touching him.

And not just touching, but sucking the soul out of him.

Wooyoung said your name shakily, getting a handful of your hair and pushing on your head in an attempt to slow you down, because fucking hell, you were relentless. You chuckled, sending vibrations down his cock and to every corner of his body and kept bobbing, taking him deeper into your throat.

“Oh, fuck. Baby, please,” Wooyoung cried, knees buckling and thighs trembling. At this point, he didn’t care how much noise he made. You deserved to hear every damn note.

You worked him up with your saliva, using your tight fist at the base of him while your mouth focused on the head. You watched the lines of his abs flex with restraint and his rapid breaths. Next on your to-do list would be leaving hickies all along his chiseled stomach and chest. You wanted to mark up his perfect skin and see what other sounds you could get out of him for it.

Wooyoung clenched his jaw. His hips thrust forward no matter how badly he fought it, shoving his cock further into your throat. A wet choking noise was his reward and it made his dick twitch with arousal. Your roommate quickly looked down to see if he’d gone too far, but instead, he saw you staring up at him, sinking toward him until you had swallowed every last inch of his cock, gagging loudly and making tears glisten in your eyes.

Fuck.

Wooyoung tipped his head back, lips parted with pleasure, and moaned at the top of his lungs. His eyes rolled. All the blood in his body rushed to his cock. He felt light-headed and shaky, imagining you sucking every drop of cum out of his dick until he was spent.

“Damn it,” he whined, both hands in your hair now. He held on tight, matching your pace and slowly thrusting into your mouth. His moans pitched higher with desperation. “I’m gonna come,” Wooyoung warned, panting, chest heaving, pleading your name to either finish him or have some mercy.

He would get neither for now. You pulled away from his cock with a wet pop, rocking back onto your knees, his fingers falling out of your hair. Wooyoung looked at you worriedly, his face flushed with heat and an adorable red staining his cheeks, and swallowed to wet his throat.

Tantalizing slow, you laid back, propping on your elbows and spreading your legs apart. “Condoms are in the top drawer,” you said offhandedly, cocking your head toward the nightstand beside your bed.

Wooyoung’s eyes were on your folds, his mouth watering at how they glistened with need. Blowing him did that to you? I’m screwed, he thought.

You were more than ready for him to fuck you and you weren’t sure you could make it any more obvious than holding your thighs wide open for him, but when Wooyoung suddenly dropped to his knees at the end of the bed and buried his face in your cunt, you cried out in surprise.

Pleasant surprise, that is.

Oh, fuck, you thought, biting your lip to keep from saying it like a mantra. Your head fell back and your eyes winched closed, a moan escaping on your exhale.

Wooyoung got your legs on his shoulders, his hands anchored to your hips, and found your clit with his tongue. He wanted to drop comments about how wet you were and another comment about how good you tasted. Both of them very horny and lewd, of course. But Wooyoung would have to take his tongue out of your pussy to speak and that just wasn’t worth it.

You started squirming and Wooyoung knew he was on the right track. Your hands flew to his head and your fingers winding into his hair tightly made a groan rumble in his chest. He wanted you to pull his hair as hard as you could, right on the edge of being painful.

A hungry, persistent suck of your clit did just that. You arched on the mattress, your body bowing at the pleasure between your legs and you tugged on Wooyoung’s hair at the roots, making him break from your sweet cunt to let out a loud raspy moan, sneaking an open-mouthed kiss to the inside of your thigh before diving back in.

“Shit. Shit. Fuck,” you cried, writhing beneath him, squirming in his arms. Wooyoung was finally using a little pressure to keep you in place and you were suddenly very aware of how much stronger he was than you.

Wooyoung could feel his cock twitching. Your sex was overloading every one of his senses, making his cock so hard he began thrusting his hips, trying to find some friction. He loved that you were trying to escape him; it meant the pleasure was almost too much. Kinda like when his dick was lost in your throat.

We’re even now, he thought with a grin.

You turned on your side and Wooyoung let you, latching onto your clit, out to ruin you for anyone else. Your body tensed, coiling and coiling, about to snap. Your breaths were loud, your chest heaving with them. Clamping your thighs on Wooyoung’s head - much to his delight - your voice cracked when you said, “I’m coming. Wooyoung, I’m coming.”

Wooyoung reeled his hand back and landed a palm on your ass, sending a loud smack through the room and a vicious sting across your skin. And it finished you. Your eyes rolled back in your head and you moaned his name, shuddering with orgasm. Wooyoung kept toying with your clit, his lips wet and warm, and you thrashed in his arms.

“Stop! Please,” you begged, yanking on his hair.

Which only turned Wooyoung on more, but he obeyed. He parted reluctantly from your pussy, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and stared down at his handiwork, having felt your sex gushing and clenching with release.

“Goddamn, baby,” Wooyoung said with a growl, giving your ass another slap. Before the night was out, he was going to make your body want him and him only.

You blinked to clear the fog in your eyes, still panting harshly. Hongjoong was an expert at eating pussy, but Wooyoung was going to give him a run for his money at this rate.

“Put a condom on,” you said bluntly.

Wooyoung rushed over to the nightstand, cursing himself for looking so eager. He grabbed a packet from the drawer and ripped it open with his teeth.

You followed his every move with your eyes, salivating over that stiff cock curving toward his abs. Your walls were still pulsing from the orgasm he’d given you and you shamelessly wanted to fuck his brains out in retaliation.

As Wooyoung finished fitting the condom on his length, you pulled him onto the bed by his shoulders and straddled his lap. Your roommate grinned, getting off to how badly you wanted him, and held onto your waist for dear life.

Rising up, you steered his cock into your entrance and starting sinking down on him. You were so wet with release, he slid in easily at first, but the fit was tight and made Wooyoung moan with his whole chest.

“Fuck.” You whimpered, lifting up and down, feeling yourself stretch to accommodate him. You underestimated just how big he was and sucked in a breath when his cock rubbed against your sweet spot.

Wooyoung took your reaction to mean you were in pain. “Slow down,” he whispered, running his palms over your sides and breasts to soothe you. “Don’t hurt yourself.”

“I want it,” you said breathlessly, working your pussy on his length until he was finally sheathed inside.

Wooyoung wondered if you wanted the other boys this badly. Did you talk like that to them too? Did you take them as eagerly as you took him? Did you have that same euphoric look on your face when they were inside you?

But he dared not ask. He was too afraid of the answer. If you said yes, then Wooyoung was just another boy to you. If you said no, then he was different. Maybe even special.

The last thing he needed was hope that you returned his feelings.

Wooyoung exhaled loudly, releasing the breath he’d been holding, and let his hands fall to your hips. He grinded his teeth and felt his lashes fluttering, his eyes wanting to roll back in his head at the hot vice of your perfect cunt.

He was definitely ready to square up with the other boys if they came knocking at your door again.

You hummed at how full you felt and rocked your hips a little, making a tiny circle. Combing your hair out of your face, you glanced down and locked eyes with Wooyoung.

There was no word that could describe how he was looking at you. It surpassed lust and worship and landed closer to nirvana.

“Don’t look at me like that,” you mumbled, but everything in your face and in your voice screamed that you didn’t mean it. You wanted him to only look at you that way for the rest of your life.

“Like what?”

“Like this is the best pussy you’ve ever had.”

“Well…,” Wooyoung said, lips spreading into a grin. “You’re not wrong.”

You snickered.

Wooyoung softened and reached for you, cradling your face in his hands and gently pulling you down until you were chest to chest and pressing your lips to his. You propped yourself over him and sucked on his tongue in your mouth, tasting your release.

Mm. This was a little too good.

Wooyoung broke from your lips and ran his thumb affectionately over your cheek. Then he trailed his hands down your back and got a hard grip on your hips, and said, “Fuck me.”

You fully intended to. Sitting back up, you braced your hands on his abs and started to ride him. The rest of the world faded away. There was only you and Wooyoung and the pleasure you took from each other’s bodies.

Every time you wondered if you were going too hard or too slow, or if your pace wasn’t making him feel good, you peered down at Wooyoung and saw only lust. His hands on your hips kept you steady, kneading you almost in reassurance.

Ironically, Wooyoung was grateful for the condom. It kept him from blowing early. A grunt left his lips now every time you dropped back down on him, using his cock to stroke yourself to another orgasm. Sweat cast a pretty sheen on your skin.

“I can’t,” you whined, grinding yourself on him. “I’m so close, baby. I need you.”

Wooyoung wrapped his arms around you and pulled you to his chest, rolling over with you underneath him. He slapped his hips into yours, thrusting hard and deep in your slick cunt, and buried his face in your neck.

He would get you the rest of the way if it was the last thing he did.

You wanted to chant his name, but no sound came out. Instead, you dragged your nails down his spine and found purchase in his hips. Wooyoung didn’t slow down as he reached for your hands, pinning your arms to your sides and gloving his cock in your pussy at a desperate pace.

The weight of him on top of you sank you deeper into the mattress. He was all you could feel, taste and smell. Your bodies were damp with sweat, his and yours mixing, and a wet slap echoed through the room each time he drove inside you.

Every stroke of his cock made you more and more crazy and restless, drunk on him. “You feel so good,” you whispered, grazing your teeth over the curve of his shoulder. “You’re so deep. I want to come with you. Please. Wooyoung…”

Wooyoung let out a pained groan muffled against your neck. He couldn’t remember the last time he fucked a girl this hard. If ever. And you were eating it up, that wet pussy sucking him in and clenching when he was balls deep. Her body loves me, was all he could think.

If only your heart would follow.

Wooyoung lifted his head and, crumbling at the pleasure on your face, crashed his lips on yours, flicking his tongue in your mouth and kissing you hurriedly. You couldn’t really kiss him back - you were too busy panting - and Wooyoung inhaled every sound you made, branding them into his mind forever.

Because he knew this could be the first and last time he would get to touch you.

So, Wooyoung kept stroking you to the edge, never letting up for a second, his pace fast and his thrusts hard, perfectly rough. You bounced your hips to meet him, hooking your legs on his, your toes curling as your walls kneaded his cock.

“Come for me,” Wooyoung hissed, pinning you to the bed. “Love me.”

You met his eyes, opened your mouth to answer, and lost yourself to the force of his body, screaming his name. It was more intense than the first, making your vision blur and your ears ring.

The moment Wooyoung felt you clamp down on his cock, he swore in his mother tongue and his pace turned ragged as he started releasing into the condom, moaning endlessly through his pleasure. He worked both of you through the aftershocks, letting your walls milk every last drop out of him.

He was so fucking loud and noisy. You loved it.

With one more satisfied groan, Wooyoung collapsed beside you. Other than both of you gasping for breath, the room was eerily quiet, filling with a stiff heaviness.

Post-nut clarity. Right on time.

Wooyoung got to his feet, disposing of the condom. His legs felt boneless, wobbly even. He scratched the back of his head, thinking about how hard he came. How hard you came.

You stared blankly, still reeling. Sex with your roommate was not supposed to be that good. You were only going to fuck him to break the spell like San suggested and instead, you were drowning in just how good your body felt after he touched it.

Sex with San was fun, but not like this. Sex with Hongjoong was vicious, but not like this. Sex with Seonghwa was passionate, but not like this.

No one had ever made you feel like you did at that moment.

When you looked at Wooyoung, from his soft cock to the pretty flush on his cheeks to the bulging veins in his arms, you instinctively spread your thighs a little. You wanted him again and again. Your body was begging for it.

To your relief, Wooyoung joined you on the bed, flopping onto his back at your side, though there was an obvious tiny gap between your bodies.

“Wow,” you said, winded.

Wooyoung shot you an amused look, crooking his brow. “Surprised?”

“A little.”

He chuckled.

Once you caught your breath, you staggered into the bathroom. After cleaning yourself up, you were suddenly mindful that you were naked and considered covering yourself.

Had the spell been broken? Was Wooyoung done with you after he’d finally gotten what he wanted?

Love me.

You remembered Wooyoung said that. You almost missed it on the edge of your orgasm, but it hadn’t been a dream. Wooyoung had whispered, “Love me,” into your open mouth.

Leaning against the doorway, you watched Wooyoung, and it took you a moment to realize you were looking at him affectionately. Seeing he hadn’t bothered dressing, you decided not to either.

Wooyoung turned to you, feeling your attention on him, and propped his head on his hand. You could tell he was studying you as he always did, reading you like a book. “What’s wrong?”

“Are we… okay?”

“Yeah. Are you okay?”

“I, um,” you hesitated, biting at your lip like you always did when you were nervous. And being vulnerable. “I’m not really used to having someone stay after.”

Wooyoung knew that. The boys got kicked out pretty quickly once you were done. He smiled softly and asked, “Do you want me to leave?”

You blinked. It surprised you that everything inside you screamed for him to stay. That was a strange feeling for you, to say the least.

“I can go to my room,” he said playfully, sitting up and moving to the edge of your bed. “But if I’m being honest, I really wanna cuddle the living shit out of you right now.”

You fought a laugh, but it showed on your face. You walked over to your roommate, stood between his legs, and braced a hand on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart underneath. You liked how it felt.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you said, “I don’t want you to go. Stay. Please.”

Wooyoung was over the moon, landing somewhere between the stars. That was what he hoped you would say more than anything. He put his hand over yours on his chest. “Did you think I’d be over you if you slept with me?”

You nodded.

Wooyoung shook his head. “Nah, baby. I’m even deeper now,” he whispered, drawing you into his arms with a mischievous grin.

You smiled, cradling his head in your hands, and kissed him.

Your roommate pulled you onto the bed, molding himself to your back and managing to drape a blanket over your naked bodies. You decided to turn over and face him, smiling when his arm tightened around your waist.

“This is nice,” Wooyoung said, leaving a sweet kiss on your brow before closing his eyes contentedly.

“Yeah.” You snuggled deeper into his warm chest and tucked your head beneath his chin. “It is.”

END.

#wooyoung #jung wooyoung #wooyoung smut #ateez smut #jung wooyoung smut

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sansaorgana · 14 days ago

Text

— DECEPTION (VIII)

DECEPTION MASTERLIST

PAIRING — Sauron x fem!Elf!Reader // Adar x fem!Elf!Reader

SUMMARY — Your conversation with Lady Galadriel makes you realise a very difficult truth about the nature of your relationship with Sauron. You wish to keep your dark secret from your husband but you are trying to make him realise that perhaps attacking Eregion might not be the best idea after all.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — I could not wait to write this chapter from the very beginning the idea for this fic showed up in my head. Even though the Reader is not really talking much during the scene with Galadriel (it was never my intention for her to talk there much), the conversation she is witnessing makes her realise all the things that make her deeply uncomfortable and cause her whole life's purpose to shatter. 👌🏽👌🏻 This fic is slowly coming to an end, by the way.

WARNINGS — forced/arranged marriage, Reader is NOT a good person – she is proud, greedy, fake and corrupted by Sauron, "love" triangle situationship

WORD COUNT — 6,900

ENGLISH IS MY SECOND LANGUAGE.

DECEPTION (VIII)

Everyone knew who Lady Galadriel was. Not just the Elves but nearly every being in Middle-earth, including the Orcs because she had slayed so many of them. In fact, you were sure that some Uruk mothers were telling their children scary stories about Lady Galadriel. Known for carrying so much light and beauty and yet so fiercely determined to purge Middle-earth from all filth. In a way, she reminded you of Sauron in this.

Lady Galadriel was everything you had wished to be back in the day – known, respected, beautiful beyond comparison. Back in the day when you had remained incorrupt by your lover, before you had begun to dream about becoming his terrific Queen and rule alongside him. Now you could not care less about her qualities because you had your own – very often contradicting hers.

You walked together with your husband amongst the Orcs as the night was slowly turning into a foggy day and you could already see Eregion from afar.

The sight alone was gut-twisting to you because you knew that your beloved was there – so close to you. Soon, you would be in his arms as his Queen. No more secrets, no more hiding, no more lies.

But when you imagined that, your heart ached for the man walking by your side. What would happen to him then? You were certain Sauron wanted Adar dead but you… You did not.

You could never admit it to your lover, though. He was jealous and possessive. It would only make him want Adar’s death even more. And he had other reasons than you – his own revenge. The revenge you craved as well after all. Adar had been the one to take Sauron away from you by killing and humiliating him. He had his own reasons to do it, too, though. The situation between them was very delicate and difficult on many levels.

Your plan had been so easy at first – to play pretend and hand Adar out to Sauron on a silver plate. But your heart – not as rotten as you’d like it to be – kept complicating things.

“How well do you know Galadriel?” Your husband asked you and you turned your head around to raise an eyebrow.

“Not much personally. I have seen her a few times, talked to her twice maybe, except for the official affairs since I was a daughter of the Lord Guardian of The Southlands. But she mostly resided in the North, therefore there were never many occasions,” you explained. “Why?”

“I was only wondering if you might be useful when we negotiate with her,” Adar told you and you tilted your head.

“I have a feeling you hide something from me. Why did you even take her as a prisoner?” You furrowed your brows. “You promised me… You promised me that we would be equals and that you would tell me everything,” you reminded him.

Adar stopped walking for a moment and you stopped, too, staring at him and trying to show off your best hurt expression. The Orcs kept passing you by and glancing from the corners of their eyes when your husband extended his hand to hold yours.

“I have no secrets from you,” he assured you. “But I am so used to loneliness, I forget to share my thoughts often,” he admitted. “Galadriel might be our ally. She is after Sauron, is she not?” He asked and you nodded, squeezing his hand back.

“She devoted her life to fight him and other forces of darkness,” you replied. “But we are the very forces of darkness. What makes you think she is going to treat with us?”

“If she does not, we might use her. It is her who is our prisoner, not the other way around,” Adar smirked and pointed his chin in the direction where he wanted you to follow him – where some of the Orcs were already toying with Lady Galadriel, recently released out of her cage and the others were busy building a war camp for your army to reside.

When you approached them, you spotted Glûg holding his dagger close to Galadriel’s face. It suddenly made you realise how you truly became one of them – how it was nearly impossible to imagine any of the Orcs to ever turn against you the same way. From being scared of falling asleep around them, you walked confidently amongst them and you even dared to scold them sometimes as they would look down shyly.

In their eyes, you surely were no Elf anymore – not in the same way Galadriel was.

Adar stopped Glûg by putting his hand on the Orc’s arm and shaking his head as Glûg walked away, a little frustrated. Lady Galadriel’s beautiful, bright eyes found yours and she seemed to be pretty fascinated. Therefore, you straightened your back.

And after a very short while of holding each other’s gazes, she suddenly took out a dagger that had been hidden discreetly in her sleeve and pointed it at your husband. The Orcs around you groaned at that as they became alarmed and so did you – you let out a small yelp as your heart skipped a beat and your hand already grabbed the hilt of your sword. Even though you knew that you would never be an opponent worthy enough of her when it came to sword duels.

Galadriel turned around, moving Adar alongside her. And now her blade was pressed to his neck as Glûg jumped in front of you to cover you with his own body just in case.

Yes, you were definitely one of them now. Your light was all gone, your blood turned black and your skin turned cold. Valinor was awaiting you no more.

“I brought you here not as a prisoner…” Adar turned his face around to look at Galadriel as he spoke in the Sindarin language, “but as a potential ally for we share a common enemy.”

After a while of hesitation, Galadriel’s surprised eyes found yours behind Glûg. You nodded at her as if you were more trustworthy than your husband – in fact, you were less. But she did not know that and she still must have considered you to be sort of a friend. A friend enough to let go of Adar as the Orcs calmed down and you ran up to your husband to put your hands on his chest and cling to him, grateful that he was still in one piece. You knew how fierce Galadriel could be.

Adar caressed your back soothingly and you could feel her eyes on you, probably wondering about the nature of your relationship.

“Lady Galadriel, please, feel yourself invited…” Adar pointed at the biggest tent that had already been there, waiting for you two to sleep in. “Let us talk,” he added and you watched her hesitantly go inside.

Your husband followed and you began walking right after when you felt a strong pull towards Eregion. You turned around rapidly and kept staring at the forest, knowing very well that behind them the city stood and inside the city there he was – Sauron. Looking out and sensing your presence, looking out for you. You smiled to yourself and focused all your will and might to let him know that you were close and you would be reunited soon.

And with a heart so full of love for him and a brand new inspiration to carry on with your plan, you finally joined Adar and Galadriel inside the tent.

They were sitting on the opposite sides of the table as some female Orcs were bringing you food. It was a small feast in a way and you knew it was Adar’s way to make Galadriel feel like your guest indeed. You took a seat next to him and put a small portion on your plate before beginning to eat it. Adar’s portion was much bigger than yours but Galadriel’s was none. Her plate remained empty and she just kept sitting there and staring at the two of you, which was awkward in a way but you tried to ignore her.

You wondered if Sauron knew about her. Was she also a part of his plan or was she an obstacle he had no idea of? You could not decide for yourself, therefore, for now, you decided to just sit there and observe how the situation would evolve.

Eventually, she just could not hold herself back no more as she addressed you.

“Lady (Y/N) of The Southlands… Your mother arrived in Lindon some time ago,” Galadriel spoke and you looked up at her, immediately. The mention of your mother made your heart clench.

“Then you must be surprised to see me,” you smirked, “for I have instructed her to speak of me as dead.”

“On the contrary,” Galadriel raised an eyebrow at you in a challenging manner and you furrowed your brows. “She has told the High King everything.”

You clenched your jaw and gritted your teeth, nervously looking at Adar but he only nodded at you to calm you down and soothe you.

“Then you know what treachery my father was capable of,” you answered, avoiding her gaze. You did not want her to see the betrayal you felt after your mother’s broken promise.

“And what treachery you were capable of as well,” Galadriel nodded.

“My mother blames me for the fall of Ostirith, but I had no idea of it. It was no scheme of mine,” you finally met her gaze again. This time you didn’t care if she could see the pain on your face or not because it was too big to hide it anyway. “Why can she not trust her own daughter?”

“She loves you but she does not believe you,” Galadriel informed you. “She revealed to the High King that there had been something rotten about you for a while now. Ever since you had returned from Eregion–”

“Stop it!” You banged your fist on the table, angrily.

“Be at ease, she is provoking you,” Adar’s voice was calm as he put his hand on your arm to give you comfort. Then he shot Galadriel a glance.

You nodded at your husband and relaxed, which made her roll her eyes a bit.

“You seem to quite fit in. Even the sword you carry is Morgoth’s,” Galadriel pointed out.

“I had to fit in to survive. Something a grand lady like you has never known and will never know,” you remarked.

Adar seemed to be a little frustrated with your girly chit-chat as he leaned back on his chair and sighed. He raised a hand to shush you both since he wanted to finally speak of the matters that were the most important to him.

“We must not argue now,” he reminded you two and then, after a short while of silence, he looked at Galadriel. “During my brief time in your capture, you seemed intent on finding Sauron. One might even say, consumed by it,” he told her and Galadriel looked down.

You leaned back on your chair as well, with your hands clasped on your abdomen as you observed her reactions.

“The way one always is, once he has wormed his way inside your mind,” Adar kept talking and his eyes were on Galadriel. Her own eyes were rather glancing down, avoiding his gaze. Therefore, your own eyes were allowed to wander and for that you were grateful. His words about your beloved were making you feel deeply uncomfortable.

“You know nothing of my mind,” Galadriel replied to that and a smug expression lit up her face. “You yielded to him. I resisted.”

Resisted?

You swallowed a lump in your throat. What was she talking about? Since when was she ever so close to Sauron to be offered anything from him? Back in the First Age, the only time Galadriel had been mentioned by your lover was when he had been complaining about the Elven armies to you. She had never been any part of his plans – except for the one to get rid of her for once and for all.

And yes, you were aware that Galadriel had been the one to spend time with Halbrand in Númenor but you had never seen her as anything else but his tool. Was it possible that there had been more depth to their relationship? That he had shown her his soul and offered her a piece of it?

Did his soul not belong to you wholly?

“For a while, perhaps,” Adar remarked in a whisper. “But sooner or later, he sees you. Not just who you are, but who you wish to be,” he added and you clenched your jaw as you looked down to stare at your fingers.

You began to fidget with them nervously while you remembered your first meeting with Sauron. How luring and tempting he had been, how he had seemed to know perfectly well what had been your desires. And he had promised you to fulfil them all.

“His eyes bore a hole and the rest of him slithers in,” Adar kept talking and at that moment, his voice was starting to make you sick. It was becoming too much to hear all these things.

He had known Sauron – he had known him better than you in lots of ways. You were no young Elf but your husband was much older and he had known Sauron for a time much longer than you. They had fought together for Morgoth and then for themselves. The only thing you had been doing was warming your lover’s bed and listening to his sweet nothings.

And that… That was enough to make you become obsessed with him. To make you yearn for him each day and each night of your separation. To make you abandon all else – because only Sauron mattered.

“For a while, he even makes you believe that his power has become yours,” Adar kept his monologue and you took a deep breath. As you raised your chin, you spotted the look on Galadriel’s face…

The look that made you realise what the nature of her relationship with Sauron had to be…

You felt dizzy but you managed to keep an emotionless face on even though your mind began to drift away and get foggy.

“Irresistible power… that makes every desire’s fulfilment seem inevitable,” Adar smirked as he had noticed Galadriel’s facial expression as well. “An ocean of colour against which everything else feels forever thereafter–”

“A dull grey,” Galadriel admitted and you regretted eating your meal in an instant when the anxiety squeezed your stomach and you felt even more sick now.

It was her confession and the both of you knew it. You watched Adar’s face change its expression in an instant as he realised he had found an ally in her indeed – that they had both been deceived by Sauron in the past.

And you were sitting there, too. Like a fool.

“What did he promise you?” Adar asked Galadriel.

“An army,” she lied. Her eyes glistened and she shook her head and you knew – you just knew – that she lied.

You knew because you knew what it meant to love and trust Sauron. You knew what he was doing to a woman he had such a strong effect on and what it was like to share a bond with him. And all these things, you could see in her now, too.

It felt like a punch right into your gut, piercing you through and through, leaving you behind to bleed out slowly, drop by drop.

Was it possible that your lover… Your one and only, your whole purpose in life, your dream, your master, your King… That he was merely using you?

That you were nothing but one of many other women he had been finding a use for? And if Lady Galadriel was one of them – the Lady of Light – what chances did you stand? What was giving you any guarantee that it was her he had been deceiving and you that he had been genuine with?

The chances were zero.

Your whole world crumbled down in an instant and you could not let it show. You closed your eyes for a longer while and tried to focus on your fastened heartbeat instead.

“Do you want to know what he offered me?” Adar inquired.

“I care not,” Galadriel admitted.

“Children,” your husband answered anyway.

And how pure his wishes and desires seemed to be compared to you. You had been greedy, you had made Sauron promise you to make you his Queen. You had wanted to be worshipped and admired.

But now you were not so sure. Having a taste of it by being the Dark Lady of Mordor was truly making you realise what a burden and responsibility it was to lead others. Sometimes being Adar’s wife and watching over the Orcs seemed to be more than enough.

And then Sauron would slip back into your mind again… And you would be reminded once more what a great power you could have if you only dared to unleash it.

“Then it would seem he gave us both what we desired,” Galadriel pointed out.

“You see, it is not his lies which must be extinguished. It is him and I can help you do it,” Adar admitted and you felt a shiver go down your spine.

Despite everything you had just found out, you still felt awful whenever the possibility of Sauron’s death was being mentioned.

“I can help you destroy Sauron,” your husband leaned in over the table to reach Galadriel more effectively.

“What help could you possibly provide, Orc?” She snapped at him and it finally gave you an opportunity to glance at her with all your anger and jealousy that you had been feeling for a while now.

You had never cared much about that slur until now – because in her lips it sounded just so awful.

“Uruk,” you finally spoke, interrupting them as they both looked at you surprised. Whether they were shocked by the fact that you cared or they simply forgot you were there with them – you did not care.

You did not care about anything anymore. Your whole life, your whole love and devotion, your whole sacrifice – they might have been a lie. How could you care about anything or anyone?

Adar stood up and briefly caressed your cheek with his finger as he walked away from the table to approach the wooden chest with Morgoth’s crown. He took it out to show it off to Galadriel and as he walked towards her with the item, she seemed to be startled by its darkness.

“Morgoth’s crown… I was told–”

“There are many stories of what happened, after the Silmarils were pried from its settings. But I was there when Sauron re-fired it to fit himself,” Adar confessed and you kept listening as your lips nervously twitched and formed a sad smile as silent and dry tears streamed down your cheeks – they were invisible but you could feel that you were on the verge of crying. “I was there when he kneeled to be crowned and I was the one who used its power to slay him,” Adar continued his story.

Each time you were told it or you thought of it, you relieved it in your mind. You had not been there but you had enough imagination to see it with your eyes. And each time your heart weeped for your betrayed lover but it seemed to weep no more… Because you were a betrayed lover now.

Adar put the crown on the table in front of Galadriel and you looked down, hoping they would forget about your existence once more.

“If what you say is true, why did he return?” Galadriel asked.

Exactly. Why?

Until now, you had foolishly been thinking that perhaps you were one of the reasons. That the very thought of you had been keeping him strong. He had even mentioned such things when you had reunited with him in Mordor for a brief moment.

But now you could see it even more clearly – how cold and distant he had been to you while you had been the one to devour him after centuries of separation. Oh, what a fool you had been and how you had humiliated yourself…

“Because I had not yet found you,” Adar addressed Galadriel and you looked up angrily. You did not like his choice of words.

“What part am I to play in this?” Galadriel asked.

“It is said that the Three Elven Rings saved your kind from fading,” Adar told her. “Is it true?”

You wondered that, too. You had been with him when you both had received such “news” or rather “gossip” as you had thought of it back then. Lady Galadriel refused to answer, though, as she looked away.

“If it is, then perhaps together, this crown and your Rings would be powerful enough to truly destroy Sauron forever,” Adar informed her.

And once again you were torn – because even if it was true that Sauron had been using you and only that… If he was to be defeated, your whole life would lose its purpose. You had abandoned the Valar for him – your new and only god. If he truly stopped existing, a part of you would die with him surely. The part you had given away to him freely – nearly all of you.

“The Deceiver believes he is still beyond my grasp,” Adar continued, “but I know he hides in Eregion and I suspect you know for certain…” He hesitated with a smirk. “Halbrand is Sauron, isn't he?” He asked and you felt your blood turn even colder when you realised that your husband had seen through your lover’s disguise.

You had a feeling in your gut that he did but he had never told you anything about it, so you were hopeful it was only you being paranoid. But now, you were anxious again that he had seen through you as well.

Galadriel did not answer but what you saw on her face only proved to you once more that she loved the human king – one of your lover’s forms.

“The fate of that city now rests on your ability to put aside your pride,” Adar crouched down to look more intensely at Galadriel’s face. “I suggest you find the will to do so… If you can,” he added with contempt before standing up to take away Morgoth’s crown.

He returned to her to put her wrist in a shackle because she could not be trusted after her stunt with the dagger before but also – despite his sweet assurances – she was your prisoner.

“We will speak again,” your husband told her and offered you his hand to help you stand and leave with him but you shook your head. Adar nodded and left you two alone.

Long while of silence occurred between you two, in which you were debating with yourself on how much to reveal.

“An army,” you mocked her and she furrowed her brows at you. “He promised you to be his Queen,” you added and finally stood up to leave the table even though your legs were weak and trembling, which you managed to hide. You approached Galadriel slowly and leaned in to be face-to-face with the most beautiful of the Elven women.

“You reek of an Orc,” she pointed out and you laughed at that. It was nearly adorable how she was trying to change the subject.

And, you had to admit, the only good thing coming out of this whole situation was to have her at your mercy. To toy with her was your greatest pleasure – to feel in control and to feel even more powerful. There was a time you had wanted to impress her but now you were disgusting her and it brought you nothing but satisfaction.

“How can you know anyway?” She asked as she met your gaze eventually, after a while of feeling your intense eyes on her and realising you were not willing to change the subject at all.

“I am gifted with an extraordinary intuition,” you teased. “Oh, how pathetic you must feel now… To know that Sauron himself offered you to be his Queen and you considered it for a while. What does that make you? Do you think you are worthy of all your titles now, Lady of Light?” You asked with contempt.

“And were you not offered the same?” Galadriel asked and your heart skipped a beat as your smirk froze. Did she…? Did she know…?

“What are you talking about?!” You barked at her, angrily, as you straightened your back.

“Adar,” she explained and you breathed out of relief. “Did he not promise you the crown? You accepted it. How does that make you feel? What does it make you?”

“He does not wish to be a King and I do not aspire to be a Queen by his side,” you informed Galadriel, which was no lie. “What we wish for is a home. You can pretend to be so righteous and strong amongst your kin, Lady Galadriel, but you and I know how weak you truly are,” you smirked and left the tent.

It was suffocating you at this point. The air inside of it, her intense gaze, the words spoken. You wanted to breathe in the forest and gather your thoughts because there were so many as your heart was broken into a million pieces.

You stared once more at the trees, in the direction of Eregion, and you wanted to reach out to Sauron but he was not answering, probably too busy with his schemes. The fact was – he never answered your calls. If there were any glimpses of the connection between your minds, it was always him initiating it.

“What are you thinking of?” You heard Adar’s voice behind you as he put his arm on your shoulder. “You seem to be upset.”

“I… I think we should go back home,” you turned around to face him now instead of the trees, Eregion and Sauron inside of it. And at the sight of Adar’s scarred face, your heart suddenly filled in with warmth.

“What do you mean?” Your husband furrowed his brows. “Were you not the one convincing me eagerly about marching to Eregion with our army?”

“Yes, but I am not so sure anymore. Please, trust my gut. Something has changed, I am not sure… I have a bad feeling,” you grabbed him by his sleeves as you clenched your fists around the fabric, desperately. Your eyes were looking up to meet his blue ones in a pleading manner and he was staring at you with so much devotion that you were sure he still had no idea of who you truly were despite finding out the truth about Halbrand.

Perhaps it was better this way. Perhaps it should stay this way. You wanted to go back to Mordor – to that godforsaken place you had turned into your new home recently. You wanted to live in peace and safety there alongside Adar. And you were not even sure if Sauron would ever come looking for you. He would eventually show up to get his revenge and his army but perhaps you would be able to prepare for it in time. But you doubted he would come there for you.

“I know the vision of this battle is unsettling to you,” Adar cupped your face gently, “and that you wish to be back home – so do I. We shall,” he nodded. “We shall go home but not until Sauron is defeated,” he reminded you and you smiled sadly.

It was a trap and you could not make him see it… You would have to reveal your part in it for him to realise it and that was something you were not ready for. So, instead, you went for something else.

“Can you hold me?” You asked and Adar was a little surprised but he did not say anything. “I want to feel safe.”

“Of course,” he nodded and wrapped his arms around you. You clinged to him like a little girl, wishing that you could freeze time.

To beg and plead for Adar to turn his army back after all the weeks of convincing him that it had been a good idea to march towards Eregion would be highly suspicious now. But you knew that the game was over anyway – it was too late to make him realise it was a trap without telling him the truth. And perhaps even after finding out about your purpose by his side, he would still decide to attack the Elven city.

You spent a whole day wandering around the forest nearby the camp. You found a tree that had fallen over and you sat under it, feeling the grass under your hands. In a way, you wished you had not found out the truth about being Sauron’s puppet – most likely.

Most likely, because you wanted to believe – you truly did – that his devotion and love towards you were true. However, if you started to believe that, wouldn’t that make you an even bigger fool?

You had ruined your maidenhood, your family and your home for him. And now you would ruin your new family, too. You would hand him out Adar to be killed and his children to become Sauron’s slaves. And what would you get in return? A dagger in your back since you would not be useful anymore? Or a crown? Would he truly give you any real power?

You were not even so sure if you wanted it, after all.

Tears streamed down your cheeks. Real, genuine tears. Because, for the first time in a long while, you did not know what to do – until now you had been waiting for Sauron, living for Sauron, worshipping Sauron. And now you were stripped of your faith and of your god but you still remained his servant. How could you stop it? You couldn’t even pray to the Valar anymore to help you – they would not listen to a fallen Elf.

When you heard a noise behind you, you suspected it would be Adar. But no, it was Glûg. You quickly sniffled your tears back and wiped your cheeks before cracking a smile at him.

“My Lady?” He asked, unsurely as he tilted his head at the sight of your tears.

“Yes, Uruk?” You asked him, trying to hide the deep amount of your sadness.

“Lord Father is looking for you,” he told you and you nodded before getting up and approaching him to go back to the camp.

“It is a pretty area of the forest, is it not?” You tried to ask him while pretending to be cheerful.

“I guess,” he shrugged his arms. He kept staring at you intensely with his small eyes. “Why are you sad, Dark Lady?”

“I already mourn all the Uruks that will die in the upcoming battle,” you smiled sadly at him.

How easy it was to spit out such soothing lies. It was not like you didn’t care what would happen to them – you had grown used to being around them. But it was also not like you truly mourned for them. However, such a lie rolled off of your tongue without much thought put into it.

Sauron had taught you well. But this time you felt bad about it instead of being proud about it.

Glûg nodded his head at you, sadly. That was when you entered the camp again and you spotted Adar amongst his children, explaining something to them. You ran up to him and wrapped your hands around his arm. He smiled adoringly at you.

“Come with me, let me show you,” you tried to convince him and you could see him hesitate. There was not much time to waste but he eventually agreed with a sigh and allowed you to walk him out of the camp.

You were starting to become his weakness.

You took him back to where Glûg had found you. It was truly a very beautiful place in the forest; so green and calm. The light was creeping in through the trees and you smiled at your husband as you caressed his cheeks and brushed his hair strands behind his pointy ears.

“Something about you in this light makes me believe I could truly be good once again,” Adar whispered to you in the Quenya language and you felt your heart clench inside your chest.

How could you betray him…?

“Damn the good. And damn the evil. Let us just be ourselves,” you answered. “Let us go home…”

“You know that we cannot. Not until he is no more,” your husband carefully and gently held your wrists to lower them away from his face. He placed soft kisses upon the palms of your hands and caressed them.

“Why do we have to come for him? Why can he not come for us? We could fight him in our own land, on our own terms,” you tried to convince him. “You know that this feeling in my gut… It is never wrong.”

“Yet it often changes its mind,” Adar smirked at that and you sighed.

You even opened your mouth, gathering courage to confess the truth in this beautiful place but the moment you were about to admit your sins, the very same courage abandoned you.

“It is beautiful here and I know you yearn for peace but we must go back,” Adar let go of one of your hands to caress your cheek with his rough fingertips. “You are the most beautiful lady in all Middle-earth,” he added in the Quenya language and you furrowed your brows at that when you began walking back to the camp.

“Where did it come from?” You asked with a nervous chuckle.

“I could sense your jealousy when I spoke with Lady Galadriel,” he answered. “As if her beauty could ever match yours.”

“You must be blind then, my poor Adar. She is known for being the fairest of the Elven ladies,” you shook your head but a playful sparkle lit up your eyes.

“That is an easy kind of beauty and I do not seek easiness in anything,” your husband answered with all seriousness.

And the thing with Adar was that you just knew that his words were genuine and they were not prepared beforehand with some hidden agenda.

It was dark already when Adar and you were informed that Lady Galadriel was ready to speak again. You went back inside your tent where she had been kept for a whole day and you stood in front of her, still sitting on the chair.

“Yes. Halbrand is Sauron,” Galadriel started as the silence was growing heavy between you all. Your jaw twitched slightly as it clenched at her words. “He’s in Eregion to craft Rings that will allow him to dominate my kind. And yours.”

“Every kind in Middle-earth,” Adar added.

“But he will not attempt escape until his task is complete,” Galadriel laid her eyes upon you now. “And that gives us a momentary advantage.”

“Us?” You raised an eyebrow at her

Galadriel moved her hand in shackles and looked back at your husband, angrily.

“Unlock me,” she ordered.

Adar looked at you and you nodded at him even though you were not sure if it was a good idea to do so. He approached her to unchain her and she kept glancing at him with a mix of anger but also curiosity.

“As we speak, Elrond hastens from Lindon with an army of Elves,” she revealed. “And Nenya – my Ring.”

“I see,” Adar turned around to join your side again.

“Once he arrives, he will seal off the city,” Galadriel stood up as she spoke, “loose Celebrimbor from Sauron’s grasp, and then together, Uruks, you and I will eradicate all trace of Sauron from this world. Never to return,” she finished.

Uruks. You had been told by her or by your lover that you reeked of them. But you had never been called one.

“And what then?”Adar asked.

“Any Rings that have known his touch must be destroyed,” Galadriel stated.

“I meant, what then for the Uruk?” Adar furrowed his brow. “Will your High King permit us to return home in peace? Or will he proceed with his plans to invade Mordor?” He asked and Galadriel did not answer because what could she possibly tell? She was known to be an Orc-slayer. “The shadow has not only overcome you, it has overcome all Elvendom. In the end, your drive to prove your virtue will work right into Sauron’s designs.”

“You speak lies,” Galadriel shook her head as she spoke through gritted teeth. “Hoping I will reveal something.”

“You have already revealed everything I hoped you would and more,” Adar answered calmly and walked out of the tent.

He did not even look at you because he was so focused on the battle that was to come – he had his confirmation about Halrand being Sauron. About him being in Eregion. Now he was an unstoppable force.

“Adar…” You called out for him but he was out of the tent already.

You looked at Galadriel with a sigh before gathering your skirts and rushing out after him. So did she.

“It is time!” Your husband announced in Black Speech to his children. You were pretty fluent in this language by now.

“All of Eregion may well be under Sauron’s control by now,” Galadriel was trying to make him realise the truth. “It will take far more than a legion of your children to lay siege to it!”

But Adar was leading her to the edge of the hill from where the real power of your army could be seen. The truth be told – most of the Orcs had left Mordor to march towards Eregion. You had been the one insisting on that back in the day.

“Did you really think I would attempt to challenge the might of Sauron with a single legion?” Adar asked and stopped as he looked down at your soldiers below the hill. You stood behind him and you had to admit – the view was admirable and was filling you with pride. However, you knew very well that those poor and filthy creatures were being led into a trap.

“Now that you have confirmed beyond any doubt who he is and told me who carries your Ring, Eregion will fall,” Adar turned his head around to look at Galadriel with a smirk. “And Sauron with it.”

“No…” Galadriel looked down, visibly overthinking something. “This must be what he wants. Sauron has no army of his own, so he’s lured yours here instead,” she laid her eyes upon Adar as your heart skipped a beat.

She even found your eyes, too, as if she was trying to make you see the truth your husband could not. She was able to see the treachery but she still could not see the deceiver. You suddenly realised Halbrand’s task had not been very difficult.

“He wants you to attack Eregion,” she added but you remained still. It would be suspicious to agree with her words eagerly but you hoped she would make Adar change his mind. After all, he wanted to protect his children the most.

“Bind her. She will be useful later,” he ordered instead and three Orcs hurried to your side to grab Galadriel.

Of course. The love he had for his children would always be overshadowed by his hatred towards Sauron. His personal revenge, his own retribution.

“I beg you…” Galadriel addressed Adar but he ignored her so she laid her eyes upon you. “Do not let your husband be a fool! Do not do this! Do not take his lure!”

Her desperate words and her behaviour as she was being dragged away by the Orcs were sending a shiver down your spine because you could see yourself in her – you could see yourself doing the same to protect him but you could not.

You were terrified of Adar’s reaction after finding out the truth about you. He would never trust you again.

And, after all, Sauron’s grasp around your heart was still tight and painful. Perhaps you were only a tool in his scheme but you still did not wish for his downfall or his death.

“I will make him choke on it,” Adar remarked.

“No!” Galadriel shouted. “You mustn’t. This is all his design! This is what Sauron wants! Whatever forces were encouraging you to come here were his!”

You looked away, nervously.

Thankfully, your husband was too occupied with his thirst for the battle to truly think about Galadriel’s words. She had no idea, of course, that it had been you encouraging Adar to march with his armies towards Eregion. But she had said one sentence too much.

Glûg handed Adar a war horn but he did it hesitantly, causing his Lord Father’s impatience. The Orc was visibly worried and startled by Galadriel’s screams and warnings.

Adar was not, however. He blew the horn and a malicious feeling filled your heart – there was no way back.

Your betrayal was definite as you had just brought Sauron his army.

MASTERLIST

#adar x reader #sauron x reader #annatar x reader #halbrand x reader #lilysfiction

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