#like it has never occurred to me before this week that feeling crippling amounts of guilt and shame for the way i go about grocery shopping

[quiltedlovers]

i need a discussion forum for people who are mentally ill specifically about the grocery store

[thecurioustale]

Silence's Birthday

Today is Silence's birthday! Or at least it's the day I've picked for it on Earth, since it's also my Five-Twelfths Birthday and she is very much a creature of "more ahead of her than behind."

I realized, slowly over the years, that Silence's life in The Curious Tale is rarely a happy one. The world throws a lot at her. In fact, as recently as Christmas this week I wrote yet another devastating scene for her—one long in coming; it was no spur of the moment thing. Silence has a dark and violent past, and After The Hero begins with her in a terrible funk after perceiving the betrayal of the Gods, and since that's also her mood in Book I there hasn't been much chance for me to explore the happier times which she also has. And I have to sandwich those times in between all the indignities and disasters that befall her.

In the 2000s I never would have described Silence as unhappy, just as I wouldn't have described it of myself, because it wouldn't have been true. I too had an awful past, and the world "threw a lot at me" as an adult, not least a crippling poverty, but it never really mattered because for many years I was irrepressible and sincerely considered myself a happy person. That only changed with the Troubles, actually. I had fifteen good years of independent adult life as a happy person. For Silence, I could draw a rough analogue of this between her first arrival at Gala years before After The Hero begins and a catastrophic event that occurs about halfway through the story. But, as with me and even more so actually, these are not "happy" years per se. Or, perhaps another way of putting it is that Silence faces a lot of stress and strain, restriction and adversity, etc., during this time.

I don't recall when I first began to realize that, however she personally feels about it, Silence doesn't come across to others as a happy person. Even as far back as the original RPG, she is most commonly brooding and melancholy, and faces an endless onslaught of external hardships and woes. It wasn't until I met Empire on Ice Silence, in the Year of 32, that I had the chance to see another side of her, and that Silence, despite being the exact same person, comes across so utterly differently. She is fat and impish and playful and has a great sense of humor, and mainly spends her days shamelessly lying and cheating her way into getting irresponsible amounts of food. It would be impossible to look at that Silence and call her unhappy, and only a damnfool would even think to try.

By the same token it's not that After The Hero Silence is inherently an unhappy person; it's that she leads a profoundly unhappy life—mostly outside of her control. There are the trees that grow safe in the forest on firm footing, towering and tall, and there are the gnarled and terrible trees that face the sea and the gale alone on the cliffside in the stinging salt air...and they are the same thing after all, and their needs are the same. But they look so different from the trees of the forest, because they lead very different lives. And I suppose to complete the analogy, all the other trees, uncomfortable at the sight of the latter, would tell the tree on the cliff to get some therapy and maybe take a pill for depression. "The fault, dear tree, is not in our stars but in ourselves." Perhaps Shakespeare was wrong.

My challenge for Silence in recent years has been to continue to depict her as I used to be but no longer am, which is to say irrepressible and happy—even if it wouldn't necessarily seem so to others. I think what this really means, for people like her and me, is energy. Drive. Vivacity. Relish. Delight. Silence has some good years ahead of her in the first half of After The Hero (and some good years behind her to recollect). I hope I can write these times justly and fully; there deserves to be some record, somewhere in this Universe, of a Relancii Silence Terlais who can smile freely, without it being a rare and poignant thing.

If I had The Curious Tale to do all over again, from scratch...I think I would go a little easier on her.

But for today at least I can wish her a Happy Birthday!

[mintvender]

UTOPIA [ 1 ]

Pairing: BTS x Y/N

Synopsis: Y/N L/N, the name of the current monarch of Corea. They became the ruler after successfully ending the previous king along with the dynasty as well. In their harem, countless men are present to help balance the court’s power. However, is this truly their intentions? The palace was always a place that needs to be proceeded with caution but as time goes by, recklessness would most likely outweigh it. You found yourself unable to prosper the kingdom without being too connected to it.

HaremAu!

Warning: Profanity

Word Count: 3.1k

a/n: This is the first official chapter of the series “ Utopia”. It is connected to the series “ When the Stars Meet their Sun” which is the prequel to this one. It explains the major events that happen to the major characters and will get released along with this serie.

Masterlist

Being a ruler for some, would be a blessing. Others would shudder with just the possibility of said position. After all, isn’t the crown the most desperate for blood?

Unlike wild animals, humanity has long hunted for more than they could ever need. It happens so often that people would say that greed was the worst trait for a ruler, but little do people like to admit, greed was something that was inevitable. Everyone has at least some greed inside of them, either burying or flaunting it as their unique trait.

Y/N L/N, the current ruler of Corea was yet to be an exception. Though, they have enough conscience to at least hide it and be a decent ruler.

Using their right palm to steady their head, they continued to look over the countless ministers standing in front of them as the regular audience continued to take place.

“ Your majesty, we need to send troops to the east to defend our borders immediately.”

The eastern border connected Corea to the ancient nation that owns the eastern sea. As a result, those people were extremely arrogant and deemed themselves superior because of the amazing achievements that their ancestors have done years ago.

“ The eastern bastards are causing trouble again?” Y/N asked, annoyed.

The ministers couldn’t help but flinch hearing profanities come out of the monarch’s mouth. Everyone knows that such words could not be said during a formal meeting but who were they to lecture the monarch?

“ Yes, your majesty. Even after our recent victory, they have yet to turn around and surrender to our nation.”

Y/N’s eyes glanced up from their nails to the nervous individual, irises gleaming in interest.

“ Is that so? What have they been doing?”

“ Reporting to your majesty, the Grimores’ guards have been destroying our farmlands and threatened many of our people there. As a result, agriculture has decreased by a large amount. People living there are suffering under Grimore’s violence.”

Perking their left eyebrow at the somewhat expected eyebrow, Such ignorant people, Y/N thought.

The eastern land was one of the best places in Korea for hurting crops and agriculture. The crops there almost took up half the entire stock of supplies that the palace gets every week.

So that’s why the servants were complaining, they thought.

“ Do you have any suggestions, General Kwong?”

General Kwong, a name that would bring fear to people across all lands. He was part of the four leaders that have guarded the borders for years on end and have made many outstanding achievements because of it.

“ I believe that it is best to send troops over to the border and eliminate them all.”

After hearing those words, the monarch’s eyes turned cold.

“ General Kwong, you truly do have some courage,” tilting their head, Y/N continued to taunt the general, “ Are you not afraid that they would retaliate? Even if we were to bring victory home, our relationship with them would be on thin string. Are you willing to take such responsibility when such things occur.”

Cupping his left hand over his right, General Kwong brought them to his forehead before executing a low bow to show his respect.

“ My bloodline would take all the responsibility if the eastern bastards were to declare war with our nation,” he announced.

Letting out a smirk, eyes gleaming with bloodlust, Y/N glanced at the bowed figure.

“ How are you so certain that they will not declare war with us?”

He affirmed, “ Compared to the Grimores, our nation is prospering at an inhumane pace. Even if we are much younger than them, they would still have to show some face and be more pliant. The guards at the borders are just teenagers who know nothing and just want a taste of power, I am sure that the intrusions have yet to even reach the main city.”

Have not yet reached the main city, does he mean that…

“ By that, do you mean that the imperial family have no idea about the attacks. And that it was caused by children?”

General Kwong shivered at their tone, feeling all too warm in a sudden.

“ I’m afraid it is so.”

Y/N glared at him, “ You mean that you were incapable of protecting the border? To what? Measly children who have even yet fallen into reality? How daring of you, General Kwong!”  

Practically letting gravity push him towards the ground, he frantically tried to come up with an explanation.

“ My apologies, your majesty! This servant does not know that those bastards were going to threaten the border.”

Y/N did not like shortsighted people to serve under them. People who only focus on what may benefit them would not put out the necessary effort to ensure that they were safe from less ideal possibilities. Hence, why Y/N have to deal with the current mess the east is facing now.

It has only been a few hours after the sun has rises but they could already sense that a headache is brewing.  

“ How shortsighted you are, General Kwong,” Y/N seethes out, “ Did those dozens of years out in the battlefield crippled your brain that you were unable to even think of such a possibility?”

“ T-this servant acted rashly. This will not happen next time, your majesty.”  

Sighing, Y/N shook their head, “ Make sure to keep this promise, General Kwong.”

General Kwong nodded his head immediately, mouth rambling promises to help support his genuine apology. He only stood back up after Y/N motioned him to.

“ Send 1000 soldiers to the eastern border. General Kim, you will be leading this mission,” the monarch commanded.

General Kim stepped up from his position, and bowed down, accepting their command.

General Kim, one of Y/N’s most trusted officers. He was once their companion who has travelled together long before Y/N have to ascend the throne. General Kim was already notorious for his sharp knowledge on various weapons along with a keen mind. As a result, he was one of the first people to be granted a position after the new dynasty was formed.

Knowing that he will definitely complete it, Y/N let out a satisfied nod.

“ Make sure that those kids will never escape from their job again. You can do anything to educate them. Children like them need a strict instructor in order to blossom,” the monarch said, satisfied.

And with that, the topic came to an end.

Seeing the previous topic have finally come to an end, another soon appeared.

“ Your majesty, regarding your harem, this s—“

“ Minister Jung, why are you so persistent in expanding my harem? Isn’t three already enough?” Y/N interrupted.

Minister Jung, another old officer from the previous dynasty who has switched sides in order to survive. He was also a man known for his greed yet a thoughtful insight who would choose the absolute best option, even if it meant being a two-faced bastard. Even though his personality wasn’t the best, he has helped Y/N multiple times in the past thus granting him the position of higher rank.

Minister Jung, was also infamous for his suggestion on constantly wanting to admit new concubines every couple of weeks. Regardless of how powerful he seems, however, he does not get to have the final say. Never in his life would he get the chance to do so.

“ Your majesty, just by having three consorts doesn’t give the imperial a natural balance. Your majesty’s harem has been the most limited in the entirety of Corea’s history!”

All the officers nodded in agreement. They all knew that if their son were to enter the harem, and even gain a piece of the majesty’s favour, then their house’s name will become known for as long as the monarch was on the throne and hopefully even after that.

“ And where are you going with this, Minister Jung?”

“ Your majesty, I suggest a competition to help select a few more concubines.”

Ah… the same old idea, how utterly boring.

“ Continue.”

“ A concubine selection would occur at a good time where the imperial family will be recruiting whoever you see fit.”

Looking contemplated, Y/N then looked over to their bodyguard to see his uncomfortable face. Obviously wanting to tease him, they decided to follow whatever plan the minister was setting out.

“ The selection will definately be happening,” Minister Jung lightened up at their words, but that quickly changed when he heard what came after.

“ But when it's happening will be undetermined.”

“ Y-y-your m-majesty, please reconsider. Your age is not that small anymore, if we were to pass your young adult years, it will be much harder to recruit concubines later on,” Minister Jung then motioned to the rest of his section to follow his lead.

Soon after, over one third of the ministers all yelled out while bowing down to the monarch, “ Your majesty, please reconsider! Your majesty, please reconsider! Your majesty, please consider.”

Seeing how much of a fraction Minister Jung managed to gather for himself, Y/N began to think that all the effort they had put in was all in vain. After all, they didn’t need disloyal bastards? Who knows what they could be planning behind their back?

“ Tch, who do you think you all are?”

Everyone in the room shivered at the monarch’s tone, knowing that if they did not upset them with bringing up this topic, they clearly have now.

“ You think that you could control me with your little words? How daring of you!”

“ Y-your majesty, we don’t mean it that way. W-we all j-just want the b-best for you,” Minister Jung stuttered out.  

“ The best for me? You think that you’re in the spot to do so?”

“ Y-your majesty, p-p-please dwell your anger, it will affect your h-health.”

“ My health? Are you taking me as a joke? Thinking that you can control me because I have yet to fully mature?” Y/N seethed out.

Though, the current monarch was yet to be the youngest but they have still not reach a mature age to properly decipher from right or wrong.

Well, at least that was what they all thought.

Standing up from their throne, they made their ways down the stairs while looking into every single pair of eyes that were previously begging them to reconsider.

“ I believe that you have forgotten that I single-handedly killed the previous king hence ending the Min dynasty. I was also kind enough to save your disloyal asses to enter my court and serve me, knowing the possibility that you all will change sides when another one appears.”

With their words, all the ministers bowed down in shame, knowing that it was true.

“ I was also the one to help you build your fame. You all were lower rank nobles and didn’t have that much influence. I was the one who guided and helped you to become what you are now! And what did you do to repay my kindness? By forcefully controlling me for your own gains?”

Y/N walked to where Minister Jung was, “ It looks to me that I didn’t train you all enough… No, if you even dare to even repeat this same mistake, don’t even think of entering this room ever again!” Y/N announced, “ We’re done for today. Jungkook, let’s go.”

Jungkook then snapped back to reality from Y/N’s mentioning his name. Immediately after, he quickly rushed towards their walking figure and both left the room.

☁️ ☁️ ☁️ ☁️ ☁️ ☁️ ☁️

Not being able to conceal his curious gaze, Jungkook kept glancing at the powerful figure in front of him.

Obviously sensing his curiosity, you could help but rub the area between your eyebrows to help soothe your headache.

Sighing, you told him, “ Asked whatever you want, Jungkook.”

Flushing at how obvious he seemed, Jungkook shyly fidget the violet tassel of his sword, not knowing how to start the conversation.

“ If you don’t mind me asking, how were you able to… to do that?”

“ Do what, Jungkook?”

Jungkook pouted, knowing that you obviously knew what he meant.

“ How you managed to win.”

“Win? I didn’t think it was that much of a victory…In your perspective, how did I do it?” You questioned back.

As he continued to walk behind you, Jungkook tried to recall what he earned in the previous lessons he did with you. Unfortunately, all he got was a few unnecessary words and a black mind.

As a result, he could only go for the most obvious option.

“ Hmm… you managed to control the situation by poking at their weakness?”

“ That... is part of it but it occupies quite a small part in how I managed to do it.”

Jungkook nodded, obviously intrigued at your previous actions.

“ At the beginning, I acted quite intrigued at the suggestion to lead him to where he could possibly make a mistake. You must know, Jungkook, that anyone will make a mistake when their adrenaline reaches a certain point. You must take hold of such opportunities and use it to your advantage,”  you explained.

“ What did you do next?”

“ You must observe the situation and predict what will happen.”

Not understanding your words, the boy stopped in his tracks, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

“ How does that work?”

You stopped in your tracks and turned around, staring into his doe eyes, you let out a smile.

“ That is a lesson for another time but for now, you need to do something for me.”

Letting out a small pout, Jungkook looked at you curiously, “ What do I need to work on.”

“ Your emotions.”

“ My emotions?”

“ Yes, you wear your emotions on your sleeves, practically letting everyone the chance to manipulate you.”

“ Please elaborate.”

“ Alright, hmm… you know how predators always sneak up on their prey and wait for the right moment to finish them?”

Jungkook nodded, “ Unlike you, these predators are always calm and act strategically, making sure that they leave no tracks behind while approaching the prey. They hide into the background and stay silent until the perfect time where they launch towards the prey and end them.”

With this explanation, Jungkook becomes more confused.

“ So I need to be the predator?”

You nodded, somewhat happy that he understood the overall concept.

“ Yes, you need to be aware of what you are letting others know about you. You have to be able to use what you have to your advantage,” you said, “ Do you understand?”

“...”

Not hearing his response, you chuckled, “ You don’t need to understand it now. We will continue to work on it. If you want, go to Taehyung whenever you are free and ask for his assistance.”

You then lift your right hand from their position from your side before setting them on top of his head. Ruffling his ivory black hair before turning away.

Jungkook, on the other hand froze at the feeling of your hand on top of his head.

“... Y-yes, your majesty.”

“ Good, let’s go.”

And with that, you continued your way to your office, content with the current outcome.

☁️ ☁️ ☁️ ☁️ ☁️ ☁️ ☁️

Walking into your office, you couldn’t help but let out a tired sigh. Today was truly one of those days that exhausted most of your energy. Unfortunately, being the person who makes the final say in all the decisions of the nation does not leave you that much time to relax and have your way.

Taking off the outer jacket of your hanbok, you stretched out your back before making your way to the expansive desk in the corner of the spacious room.

Contrary to popular belief, your office was rather simple. With just your desk and a little table for guests as the centrepieces. There were multiple shelves displayed on the other walls. You liked to keep the space simple as the place mostly gets covered in the amount of work you finished over the spans of days.

You made yourself as comfortable as you can in the seat, and began with the papers that were underneath the paperweight. Picking up the brush nearby, dipping it into the already grinded ink, you then began to work on the necessary papers that were starting to pile up.

To say the least, your office was a busy destination. There were constantly people entering your office day and night but you made sure that those people were yours; to ensure that no unneeded individual could get any information that was likely going to threaten your position.

Minutes then morphed into hours leading you into the familiar embrace of the night.

Deciding that it was time to take a break, you stood up from your seat and began to organize the paper into piles that were going to be returned to the different departments the day after.

After that, you began to stretch out your sore limbs to try and relax your tense muscles. Groaning at how your muscles seem to refuse to move, you tried to warm it up by doing a few exercises.

As you were warming up, you noticed that the lavender oil that you have used earlier was still permitting a comforting fragrance within your study. Impressed by the quality, you found yourself spending some time inhaling the scent while stretching out your muscles.

When you were finally able to move properly, you walked towards the desk and pour yourself a cup of tea.

As you continued to work, Jungkook constantly entered the room to refill the pot of tea despite you insisting that you don’t need it. Though, you were thankful for his thoughtfulness as you got to enjoy a cup of hot tea that was tingling your numb senses.

Blinking a few times to help clear your vision, you looked over to the shadow that was behind your closed doors. Knowing who it is, you began to walk your way towards the door after setting your cup down, feeling the need to go for some fresh air.

However, before you managed to even take five steps, a figure suddenly approached Jungkook.

His shadow was quite tall and was quite similar to Jungkooks. The pair seemed to be arguing about something that you didn’t quite manage to catch on. Confused at whatever they were talking about, you started to contemplate whether or not you should intervene.

That worry soon came to an end when the door was pushed open.

“ Y/N?”

Letting the bitter taste of the tea coat your tongue, waiting for the effect to sooth your tired self and come back to life. Your tired eyes that were previously blurring your vision from how strained it was, slowly loosen up before clearing up.

Oh, how you missed this person.

Copyright © 2021 MintVender

All rights reserved.

[islamicrays]

Assalamualaikum sis , Someone left me .I can't focus on myself. Pls advise me

Walaikum Assalaam

The best remedy is to keep yourself busy and to be in His rememberace. When you get thought of him seek refuge in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Fix your prayers and make your relationship stronger with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Think of ways how you can improve your relation with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Help your mother in the house. Be good to your family members. Do activities in your free time. Do dhikr all the time. It will help you in shaa Allah

First we need to attach ourselves to Allah then we can easily detach from others. We need to balance the love of Creator and the Creation. Keep the love of the creation in your hand and the love of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala in your heart that’s difficult to do but with time you will learn. For this we need to make dua and love for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala

“Call on your Lord when your heart is brittle, that is a time when it’s in pieces and the Light of Allah can fill the gaps. That is why Allāh is with the broken hearted.”

-Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

“The fastest way to heal a broken heart is to find someone better to love, and love more. Know that sometimes heartbreak happens just to push you to Allah.”

-Yasmin Mogahed

Fix your prayers and ask Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala for the help. Always remember that Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala plans are better than our wishes. Make lots of dua and while asking Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala always say “if it’s good for me” because we don’t know what’s good for us only Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala knows.

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Quran 2:216)

Advice from Hadia Alia on moving from a ex boyfriend

“Moving on from an ex-boyfriend can sometimes be very complex. Every situation is uniqe and will require different actions. Here are a few tips to get over him:

Cry. It is ok to cry if you want as it feels better when you let all the emotions out instead of keeping them bottled up inside you forever.Talk to someone you trust. Sometimes you just need someone to listen rather than offer advice. Even you cannot understand why it happened, talking about it can help you accept that the relationship is over.Get the help you need. A breakup can have serious negative effects on your mental and physical well-being, especially if you find that you are still dwelling on it months later. Breakups have been associated with weakened immune systems and an increased risk of illness. People who have not gotten over a breakup within 16 weeks can even experience physical changes in their brains that reduce their motivation, concentration, and emotions. A therapist can help by listening to you, encouraging you to confront your feelings, and teaching you new ways to do with your pain.Remind yourself to let go. There are variety of behavioral techniques you can try to stop thinking about your ex. All of these techniques rely on your ability to recognize when a thought about your ex enters your mind and to take a specific action to stop that thought from coming back. Remember that these techniques are to be used for obsessive thoughts only! If you have not yet dealt with your feelings and taken the time to grieve, you should not try to suppress your thoughts.

– You can try wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it each time you think about your ex.

– You can write down the thoughts you are having about your ex on a piece of paper and then throw it away.

– You can try a visualization exercise, which requires you to visualize a specific scene whenever a thought of your ex occurs to you. For example, you could think of a stop sign in order to remind yourself that you need to stop what you are doing. If you do this consistently, the association should become automatic.

Focus on taking care of yourself. In order to boost your mood, it’s important to practice healthy habits. Make sure you exercise regularly and get plenty of sleep. Committing yourself to a healthy lifestyle will not only make you feel good, but it may just offer you the escape you need from thoughts about your ex

– Start praying five times. It will help you to regain your positivity and let go of the stress associated with your breakup.

Remember, you are strong and can get over him if you really want to.”

Always remember this:

“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself for the outcome of all affairs is determined by the decree of Allah. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come on your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.”

-Umar ibn al Khattab (Radi Allahu Ta’ala Anhu)

On healing broken hearts:

If you are trying to get over a person you can’t be with, treat it like an addiction:

1. Cut yourself off from the drug completely: Cut off all communication and reminders–even if that means blocking numbers, emails, a Facebook profile, and stop checking their Facebook! This is your detox.

2. Replace it with something better: Increase in your thikr (remembrance of Allah) and get closer to Allah. If you aren’t praying your daily prayers, fix that. Pray all and pray on time. Pray qiyam in the last third of the night (just before fajr). Make duaa, tawbah (repentance), cry, plead to Allah. This is your treatment.

(Yasmin Mogahed)

Unlawlful love before marriage…

Ibn al Qayyim al Jawziyyah (rahimahullah) mentions in regards to unlawful love before marriage (i.e. haram sexual relations, or love for someone who you are unable to marry).

“And the cure for this deadly illness (i.e. unlawful love before marriage) is for the person that is afflicted to realise that this love is only due to his/her own delusions and ignorance.

So upon such a person is to first and foremost strengthen their Tawheed and reliance upon Allah, and secondly to increase in worship and busy themselves with it, so much so that they do not have any spare time letting their minds wander and think about their beloved.

And they should call upon Allah to protect them and save them from this evil, just as Prophet Yusuf called upon Allah and he was saved. And they should do as he did, be as he was, in terms of ikhlaas (sincerity) and remembering Allah in abundance.

This is because if the heart is filled with ikhlaas for the sake of Allah, there will be no space left for any unlawful love to be present, rather this only happens to a heart that is empty and has no ikhlaas whatsoever.

And let such people remind themselves that whatever Allah has decreed for them is only in their own best interests, and when Allah commands something it is never to cause harm or misery to His slaves.

And let them also remind themselves that their unlawful love does not benefit them, neither in this world or the hereafter! As for this world then they will be so preoccupied with their love that it will cripple them and will cause them to live in a fantasy world. And as for the hereafter then it will cause them to be preoccupied with the love of the creation instead of love for the Creator!

These people need to be reminded, that the one who is submerged in something will never see it’s ill effects, neither will the person who has never experienced such things. The only people who will be able to relate to them are those who have experienced the same thing but have been saved. Such people can look back and realise how evil it is.”

I hope it will be helpful. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide us all to the straight path. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.

Allahumma Ameen

[unordinary-analysis]

Episode 167

Honorable mentions:

Going to ignore Blyke for this week until we have some more development

My analysis of episode 161 is very closely related to this one (give or take a few statements), so I suggest going and reading that, though you don’t have to :)

^^^ like very closely related

If you do read it though, not all of what I said I would like to discuss again in this post because either I am unsure about it or I have better ideas now. I might say something in this post that contradicts what I said in my post about episode 161. Do not consider episode 161 equal to this episode. Everything I say in this post is what I am currently thinking and is more important at the moment. BASICALLY: RELEVANCE>

TLDR at the end

I tried to make the quotes I used in this analysis as easy to read as possible, but there were a lot of parentheses in the quotes I used so whenever I wanted to explain what something meant or clarify something, I completely closed and reopened my quote. Sorry if I made things more difficult to understand. It’s a struggle.

Anyway, this is wordy on purpose and meant to be formatted formally because I really like that style of analysis as compared to my looser commentary type.

-

Parallels:

    Parallels are the best things. They’re phenomenal. And they create this easy way for readers to reflect on stories. And the one in this episode? Ooooooooo boy. I mean, it’s not exactly a new parallel, but it is the best and most important, recurring parallel in the entire plotline of UnOrdinary. And because of the way this parallel presents itself in this week’s episode, it will be discussed in the section below. This section just had to be included to acknowledge the great parallel work in this comic. Parallels are just such a great element and their use in UnOrdinary is extraordinary. Felt this needed to be said, repeatedly.

John:

    This section will be the main, and only section for this episode analysis (discluding the small bit above) because it is extremely important and deserves your full attention. The episode this week was obviously very John centered and put heavy emphasis on his unhealthy relationships with Cecile, Seraphina, e.t.c., and though things similar have been touched on in the past, this episode has been the most obvious, the most telling, about this theme. 

    In this episode, we are reminded, again, of John’s obsession with Seraphina. And I said something similar in my post about episode 165, but, until recently, this hasn’t really stood out to the extent that it should. John has always seemed ‘obsessed’ with Seraphina, but there has never really been proper focus on that, as there is more and more of now. In episode 165, Arlo was explaining to Seraphina his history with John and kept saying that John would work himself up into a rage on her behalf, which, yeah we all knew, but it had never been pointed out as something as extreme as what Arlo described it as, which allowed us to view the whole situation in a whole new light. In this episode, John’s obsession with Seraphina is even more obvious, him growing so overwhelmed with anxiety at the thought of Seraphina not siding with him. He gets violent with Cecile, who really had nothing to do with Seraphina’s actions, and then right after hitting her to the ground, grabs her, and demands that she tell him what Sera said about him. The intensity of the way the panels read is hard to replicate in words. The comic really puts effort (the colors, blurs, etc) into stressing the feeling and passion behind John’s actions and words, multiplying the impact of what he is doing, what he’s saying. John’s anger is meant to be an intense thing and has always been meant to. 

    Now, the surface level objective of this episode is to stress John’s obsession with Seraphina, as the comic has been touching on and doing for the past couple of episodes. We are working towards a confrontation of some sorts, there is no doubt. But another very standout thing in this episode, and what I teased on in the introductory section, are the flashbacks from John to his past at New Bostin. The images of Adrion and Claire keep plaguing him. They always have. I said in the beginning of this post that they are “recurring”. In episode 161, there were similar flashbacks to this episode, and John kept seeing Claire. Anyways, these flashbacks, though they’ve always been recurring, have been becoming more and more common as of recently. And as I kept repeating in my analysis of episode 161, it’s hinting at how John’s past has slowly been catching up with him, overtaking him. John has been running from his past for so long, but now it’s leaking into his new created personality. This is very important to what my main idea of this post is.

    The particular use of the parallels in this week’s episode is very interesting as a development from episode 161 because in ep 161, the images of Claire and New Bostin came in flashes as John’s subconscious saw similar images before him. In this episode, however, John doesn’t only get these split second flashbacks when he sees something that reminds him of his past, he is actively thinking about his past, which is such a huge leap. There is a major difference between being reminded of something because of a similar image and being reminded of something either because you experience a similar emotion (the beginning of this episode) or if you are seemingly unprompted by the current moment (the end of this episode). It is a sign that those images and thoughts are circulating around John’s head more and more (especially considering that there was a time when John would go months without experiencing a flashback). Again, this is teasing how John’s past is overwhelming him bit by bit. I keep repeating this and it’s for a reason. It. is. Important. John has been able to feel angry or passionate in the comic without reexperiencing his past before and the implication that that is no longer true is alarming. 

    I know I keep referring to the fact that John’s inner self, his past self, has been overwhelming and overtaking his new personality. I literally just said it. I’ve said it multiple times in both this post and in episode 161. And I’ve also just described the stark difference of John’s flashbacks in the earlier days of the comic until now. John rarely would get a flashback, only in nightmares or maybe an image every once in a while. Now, because the last few scenes where we got to see inside John’s head have included flashbacks, it’s safe to say that this is a very common occurrence now. This means that not only is the John of John’s past is overtaking him, but also that it has already made a huge amount of progress. I said in my analysis of episode 161, “His [John’s] evil half (symbolized by Joker) is interacting with, confronting, his better half (symbolized by Sera),” (referencing an earlier comment about how Sera represents the good in John), “. . . . -In both the image of Seraphina and the image of Claire, either John or Joker is standing above them, obviously a more powerful and evil force. And the fact that both are direct symbols of John implies that this [John’s evil side] is the side of John that is much more dominant.” The fact that there was sensible enough evidence in episode 161 that I felt I could tell that John’s dark side, his past self, was already greater than his better side means that currently, as we are now at episode 167, it is even greater. Assuming, of course, that the concept of it’s growth really is how I’ve described it to be.

    All of these statements lead up to the same conclusion: John now isn’t the John he tried to be (the cripple, the dreamer, the passive). The fabricated John has been the lesser percentage of John for at least (and likely greater than if we look at the rate of growth) seven episodes now, using my evidence. This means: 

John isn’t the John we know, isn’t the character we were introduced to in 2016. He has regressed back into the old John. The John of New Bostin who became king and went on a violent rampage, brutalizing, what was it, half of his class? We don’t know much about him other than that because John tried to hide from that side of himself for so long. And the idea of John not being who he tried to be is confusing as a concept when you realize that we don’t fully understand exactly who this ‘dark John’ or ‘past John’ is. And more importantly, we don’t know yet why he’s come back. I know that I’ve already said that the flashbacks to New Bostin have been evidence of the takeover, but why did they occur in the first place? Why couldn’t John maintain that illusion of the person he wanted to be?

    I’m going to be straightforward with this part. First of all, Seraphina actually unknowingly played a huge part in John’s fantasy. We know that he relied on her. We know that he trusted her. But recently, Seraphina has been spending less and less time with John. Because: obviously, she knows now that he is Joker and wants nothing to do with him. Seraphina’s (who, again, for John represents his improved, fake self) absence has strongly affected John’s mind and rationality. The second reason as to why John wasn’t able to continue pretending to be who he wanted is a little more simple. It’s because John’s fabricated self was just that, fabricated. A fake was never going to hold up against John’s true nature or his true mind. And we know that John’s false personality was just him avoiding his old self, as John has canonically said multiple times. Due to the extreme lengths that John went to to delay his past self from overtaking him, old John is coming back strong. 

    Here’s where things get more interesting for me and more closely related to the concept of the recurring parallel that I was talking about earlier. John’s past self has been slowly manifesting itself into the fabricated John’s mind through flashbacks of their past. And because nothing else seems to get fake John as responsive, I’m going to assume that this is the only way that the true John has been able to make progress towards overtaking John’s body, through unwanted flashbacks reminding John of the reality of himself.

    I’ve been very vague this whole analysis, not really using details from the actual episode (this episode: episode 167) to support anything that I’ve been saying, just using the general concepts, but here I want to talk about the flashbacks in particular and their contents. In this episode, the first flashback we get from John is after Cecile describes to him how Seraphina and Arlo have been meeting up and talking with each other. John instantly thinks of something that happened at New Bostin: his old errand boy, Adrion, is telling him that Claire has been meeting up with the jack. Not only that, but that Claire and the jack were gathering a crowd of students to attempt to take down John. Hold on to this because, obviously this mental association is going to impact John’s future actions. 

    The last flashback in this episode is when John is at home and rethinking his conversation with Cecile. We get the same images from John: his past self being warned that Claire and the jack were recruiting his enemies behind his back to take him down. But this time, after, we get the thought, “Sera… She wouldn’t… would she?” And the use of this particular scene in context of Seraphina and John’s relationship plus their current situation is very obvious about the message it is trying to convey.

The content of the flashbacks paired with John’s current situation suggests that John is relating what is happening to him now to his past, molding them together into this illusion. Because of the images of New Bostin appearing, John has convinced himself that he is in the same situations once again. This is big. This is huge. John’s flashbacks are making it so that John cannot separate the present from the past. He cannot exist at Wellston without his subconscious relating everything that is happening to what happened to John at New Bostin. He cannot tell the two apart, which is what I’ve been trying to express for this whole post and what I’d like to talk about. It caused the downfall of his attempt to reinvent himself and will cause the downfall of John in the future of the comic as both a leader, and as a friend.

    But there is another flashback in this episode that I want to point your attention to. It does not appear in the same form as the others. It is not an image. It actually occurs in John’s outburst at Seraphina. It was obviously something so unexpected from John for him to blame Seraphina’s problems on her. Seraphina hasn’t done anything to wrong John, correct? In fact, she is (or was), in a way, acting as his emotional crutch, helping him in creating that illusion of his fake self. And yet, we see this fit from John at her expense, dragging her down, blaming her. I’m here to say that this. Is. A. Flashback. You will see why later, but honestly, because I’ve labeled this as a flashback for you, I’m sure it’s clear what I’m trying to get at and it’s been clear, but just in case you don’t understand my main point:

    I keep saying that John cannot now separate his present from his past, but I haven’t exactly stressed what that means. This means that John also cannot separate people at Wellston from the people he knew at New Bostin. This episode’s flashbacks to Claire and situations revolving around her and the comparison to current events revolving around Seraphina, and especially the outburst by John at her; they all suggest that John doesn’t see Seraphina as her own person anymore, maybe that he never has (I’ll give John the benefit of the doubt though and say that for the majority of their friendship, he was able to view her in an unbiased and unaffected way).

        It’s become clear that John is, currently at least, viewing Seraphina as another Claire. And I think that I’ve become numb to that after literally days of being obsessed with that fact and sorting through my thoughts to write it down here. But I first thought of this the night episode 167 came out and it completely blew my mind because everything lines up. 

    And obviously, the outburst in this episode towards Seraphina was formed from pent up anger towards Claire when she betrayed John. It’s pretty obvious now after I’ve told you what I think, but to John, because Claire’s betrayal started in the same way that it is presented that Arlo and Seraphina are talking, John is automatically assuming that it is the exact same situation. And he is channeling all of his anger at Claire for betraying him at Seraphina because he thinks that she’ll do the same thing Claire did because obviously, he has trouble distinguishing Claire from Serpahina, has trouble realizing that just because Claire would do one thing, Serpahina could do something completely different.

This statement helps to clarify all of my previous statements of, ‘the parallels in this comic, and especially this episode are amazing.’ Before now, there hasn’t technically been a clear parallel, but this parallel? It is no doubt the most important in UnOrdinary. So if the praise had seemed a little bit unwarranted until now, I apologize. I just really love parallels.

    Anyways, the main idea of this whole post is that: John’s subconscious isn’t able to move past the events of New Boston, and while creating a whole new personality did help John pretend like he did for a while, it was only a temporary fix and is causing him to experience this fresh wave of trauma that wouldn’t have been as harsh if he didn’t run from it. John will never be free from the events of New Bostin and he will never be able to forget it. And: he will also never be able to move past being the person he was, the real him. Becoming his true self, the New Bostin John, is, and always was, unavoidable. And because his subconscious will never develop or evolve from New Bostin, because he can never move on, John is not able to completely distinguish between the past and the present, forever returning mentally to New Bostin. He is not able to fully view other people as separate from his past and automatically associates his friends and classmates with people he used to know, holding on to the biases from his past (ex. Hating on Seraphina because he associates her with Claire). John is also associating any current event with something that happened to him in the past, causing him to act disproportionately or irrationally when the situation does not call for it.

    Even shorter: John thinks Sera is Claire and is hardcore relating the current storyline to his past at New Bostin. And parallels are literal works of art. Good day.

Bit of a choppy ending, but I was never good at those.

[reeree1500]

The Return-Part 4

Okay y'all here's Part 4. OMG I cannot believe the amount of love that this story has gotten😍 it truly warms my heart, that an idea I had a while ago and have now just started writing has been loved by so many of you:) And with that lets get on to the storyyyy

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @camatsuru @amy8220 @cutegyrl927 @cindy-exo @cainismyname @affection-rabbit @ragnarssonsbitch @mel0nch0ly @wuxiesalt

Disclaimer: My sucky ass writing as always:) Some slight insinuation of incest; Fluff (an attempt anyway);  And bad grammar and spelling (sorryyyy); Heart palpitations according to @yanii-the-hippie 😂 Hope you all enjoy☺️

Your POV

My head hurts so much that I feel as if I've just been hit by a carriage. The sounds of arguing around me do not help the situation at all.  So I try to not focus on the pain or the voices around me that won't subside and remember what happened. Images of Mira surface in my mind. Her corpse on the floor and the death rune carved into her back. My best friend and most trusted subject was killed because of me. I can't help but wince at the realization that I will never be rid of the death and chaos that I bring everywhere with me.

Fluttering my eyes open, my eyes wander looking for the source of those voices. As I begin to stand up from the very comfortable bed, I scan the room trying to find any trace of the people who were in here earlier. My eyes land on a pile of shirts neatly placed on the table. Walking towards them I come to notice that Im not in my dress anymore, but in what's seems to be a mans shirt. “Nice pair of legs you got there (y/n), wanna trade with me for a while?” At the sound of Ivars voice, I shriek and turn around whilst trying to pull down the shirt that is covering my body. “Ivar what the hell!” At the sound of my screaming Ivar just walks closer to me with a smirk gracing his perfect face. “W..what are you doing?!?!” His hands grasp onto mine and all I can do at that moment is stare back at him with my eyes and mouth open wide in shock. “You're gonna ruin my shirt if you continue to pull it down. Plus, you don't want me to see your breasts now do you?” At that, all the blood from my body rushes to my face. Turning me as red as an apple. 

Ivar grabs my face in his hands and his eyes scan over it. “I know we’ve just met. And its probably really wrong for me to feel what I‘m feeling, considering you're my sister. But, when you were unconscious it was probably the hardest thing I have gone through so far in my life. Not knowing if you would wake up was a nightmare that I could not wake up from.” Ivar says with an exasperated sigh. “Ivar....” I begin to say, but am soon interrupted by his lips placed on mine. I know I shouldn't reciprocate his feelings towards me or his kiss for that matter. But, the fact of the matter is that even in this short amount of time, this man has made feel things that I have not felt in my whole life. This man however is my brother and that is something that will not change. Soon the warmth of his soft and plump lips leave mine. Before I can say something about how inappropriate that was, Ivar is already walking towards the door. You know for a cripple he’s fairly fast. 

“You know (y/n) I’m so excited for what's in store in our future.” He says as he reaches the door. Rearing his head to where I still stand in utter shock of what just transpired seconds ago. “Especially, since we now share a room.” At that Ivar winks at me and leaves the room, with that smirk on his face. Once the door is closed my legs give out from underneath me. “Lord what have I just gotten myself into. It is wrong for me to have these sort of thoughts and feelings for my brother. Please give me the strength necessary in order to get through this.” As I look up and close my eyes I can only beg that he hears my prayer and somehow gives me the power to get through this. But knowing the almighty, something will happen.

------------------------------------------

As the weeks went on by, we had buried Mira the Christian way. Although nearly no one shared my beliefs, it felt nice to be able to have Mira been given the respect she deserved. People had brought flowers and different types of gifts to me in order show me their condolences. On the outside I had to be strong and show them that whoever did this had not gotten to me. However, my family knew all too well the toll it took on me. Especially Ivar, who would hold me at night and whisper sweet nothings into my ear when I had the recurring nightmare of that night. The raid that was supposed to occur after the festival was cancelled. I had expected many people to be upset at the fact that it was. But what I saw was a community come together for someone they did not know. And that is what I missed the most about Kattegat. The people. My people.

Ragnar, Bjorn, and Ubbe had decided to lead an investigation into who had murdered Mira. So far they had gotten a couple of leads, but nothing that would certainly pinpoint who the culprit was. In his worry my father had decided to teach me how to fight, so that I would be able to defend myself if it came down to it. He knew that this was a personal attack on me. And a personal attack on a son or daughter of Ragnar Lothbrok was an attack on him too. “Come on my beautiful sister, we have some more training to do.” I can hear Hvitserk say as he comes up from behind me. “Is that really necessary Hvitty? We trained yesterday!” On the weeks that went by I could say that Hvitty and I got really close. Closer than probably me and Ivar are. After the kiss with Ivar, I had tried to put as much distance between myself and him. What we had done was wrong and a sin. And I could not allow myself to give in to such temptations. 

However, that doesn't mean that Ivar still didn’t try to get closer to me. Every chance he got I var would hold my hand or hug me from behind. I knew that people where beginning to get the wrong idea, as I had caught Margrethe talking about how “close” we were for siblings. As soon as I heard that I began to make sure to only talk or look at Ivar if necessary. Waking me up from my thoughts Hvitserk takes my hand and leads me out of the hall. “Im coming. Im coming. Calm down!” I cannot help but contain my laugh at Hvitserk’s desire to want to train with me. Its probably the cutest thing I have ever seen. “You look like a child anxious to play with a brand new toy, Hvitty.” At that Hvitserk lets out a chuckle. “Only of you're the brand new toy and I get to play with you everyday.” he winks at me as he says this. “Come on you're distracting me, let’s get to work. Legs shoulder width apart and make sure you have good balance...” 

-----------------------------------

Bjorn POV

“We must have gotten somewhere by now! I want whoever is responsible dead!” my father screams at Ubbe and I. “Father, we've searched through and through, but there are no certain leads! Its a he said she said situation thus far!” Ubbe yells back at him. “Do not tell me what I already know, boy! I just cannot help but feel useless and like I am not able to protect my own. We all know that that was supposed to be your sister dead, not that poor girl.” at that he trails off. My father has lost way too much over the years. Many friends have come and gone. But the way we buried Mira, could only remind him of his best friend Athelstan. The Christian priest that changed his life (and mine believe it or not) for the better. He was murdered too, and that has always been a constant reminder to him of someone he could not save.

“What I think that we should be doing instead of arguing is perhaps, finding someone who is good at unmasking people. Since none of us can seem to find who it could be.” I tell them both, getting tired of their back and forth arguing. “And who would you suggest Bjorn. No one can know that (y/n) is here, besides the people of Kattegat. Our enemies will know how to get us. Hell one of them probably was behind this!” my father reciprocates. “I think we all know who I’m talking about. Im just wondering if you'll be able to reel in and control that bitch of yours, when she gets here. Since I’ve already sent word to her.” I bark back at my father. I don't know if its because im sick of him treating me as if ill never be good enough. Or because (y/n)’s life is on the line, but I had never found the courage to stand up to my father, until now. At my words my father becomes silent. It might the loads of ale Ive had today, but I swear that I can see what seems to be pride in his eyes. “How long?” “One day’s ride” It is then that my father shouts to the thralls...

“Prepare the great Hall! The Queen is coming home!” 

--------------------------------

Your POV

As the hours went by and my training had somewhat gotten better, I pleaded with Hvitserk to do something else. “Okay!Okay! We’ll stop training! But what else do you want to do?” Hvitserk's says shielding his sword. “I don't know, back in Frankia Uncle Rollo used to take me to the lake and taught me how to swim. Is there a lake nearby?” At that Hvitserk looks at me like I‘ve grown horns and a huge smile breaks out. “Come on, let’s eat quickly and then I have somewhere I wanna take you!” Rushing towards me Hvitserk grabs my hand and we quickly run off towards the great hall. Once we both quickly swallow our food, we head to the stables. There we find non other than Ivar in what seems to be him being pleasured by a thrall. 

“Oh, Im so sorry. We didn't mean to intrude.” I say whilst quickly turning around. “Awww you're so cute (y/n), you’ve never seen or been pleasured before?!?!? Is that why you're as red as a tomato right now?” Hvitserk chuckles at me while trying to pry my hands away from my face. “Shut upppp!! Hvitty, get the horse and lets goooo!!” I chuckle nervously at him. “Its ok (y/n), you should take notes from Margrethe here. Who knows you might have to use them some day.” Ivar manages to say through his... compromising position. “Well Ivar, (y/n) and I are gonna go on a little adventure. Don't wait up...” At that Hvitserk grabs the reins on the horse and passes them on to me. “You know how to ride (y/n)?.” “Of course, Hvitty. Its literally my favourite thing to do.” “I’m glad to hear that. Now lets go!” And with that Hvitserk and I were off to God knows where. But one thing I knew for sure was that if Hvitserk was involved, we were sure to have a good time.

Bjorn POV

Soon the day had gone by and it was just a matter of time before my mother was here. You could hear a pin drop in the great hall. The anxiousness that lingered in the air was so thick that you could probably cut it with a knife. My father could not stop bouncing his leg, some thing he did when he too was nervous or didn't know the outcome of certain events. My head quickly towards the doors when I heard the neighing and hooves of the horses. At that we all stood up and thats when both Ubbe and I noticed we were missing certain people. “Ivar, where's (y/n) and Hvitserk? They're supposed to be here or did you not tell them that we would have company tonight?” I whisper at him trying to not get noticed by father or Aslaug. “Probably fucking somewhere. You know they've gotten pretty close these past few weeks I wouldn't put it past them.” At that I just look at him shocked. “Are you sure it’s just him Ivar? Don't act like I haven’t caught you staring at our sister when she's taking bath or when she's walking around the market.”  Sigurd chimes in. “Whatever we will resume this conversation after this. But send someone to get those two here. NOW!” 

When I turn back I am able to see my father already walking towards the door with the family behind him. Making my way outside I catch a glimpse of my mother on horseback. The most beautiful woman to grace the earth and the most skilled in combat. She taught me everything I know and for that I could never thank her enough. Behind me came up my wife Torvi, I smile down at her and hold her hand. She knows that I will do anything for my family, especially my mother and sister. And I will protect them at any cost. As my mother gets down from her horse I immediately go towards her and give her a hug. “You know that surprise I told you about in the letter. Well, I have an even better one now.” I say whilst chuckling in her ear. “My son, how many times do I need to tell you that Im not so easily surprised.” She laughs back at me. You don’t know what's in store mother...

After much due catching up with my mother. It’s time to get down to business. Father fills mother in about the fact that there has been a murder the night go the spring festival. My mother begins to ask questions on how we've conducted the investigation, to which Ubbe fills her in. I cant seem to pry my eyes away from the doors. Hoping that my sister and brother walk into the hall safely. It’s been hours and no one has heard or seen of them. “Bjorn, are you okay? You're not really focused on the matter at hand?” Torvi says while placing her hand on my knee. “Yeah...Yeah, Im fine just a little anxious thats all.” At that she leaves it alone. It is then that we hear some jugs fall over and loads of laughter. “Hvitty get upppp. Everyone is gonna knowwww....” I can hear the slurs of my younger sister.  “Pfttt.. Like they careeee, were just having some funnnn....” Great these two are drunk of their asses and dropping shit everywhere. It is then that they both enter the hall. (Y/n) is carrying Hvitserk, in what seems to be a futile attempt to act normal. But when her eyes land on the blonde graying hair of our mother she drops Hvitserk and immediately you can see that she sobers up. 

“Mama...”

At that my mother stops talking. And her eyes begin to well up with tears. “No. it cannot be. It’s the gods playing tricks on me.” My mother says whilst looking down, refusing to turn around. My father gets up from his chair and kneels beside my mother. “It is true. She is here, come with me. I promise you she will not be taken from you again.” My father’s voice cracks at the end. As I truant where my sister stands I can see the pan and suffering coursing through her body. Her eyes show a small child that was ripped from her safe place and placed in an evil and hungry world, that only wanted to make her suffer. As my mother and father stand up I catch a glimpse of Aslaug and her stone cold face. That is filled with rage and what seems to be a predatory glare towards my sister. Trying to put it to rest and not say anything, I turn towards my parents. My father holds may mother in his arms as to keep her from falling over. “ My baby girl. Tell me that this was not dream that Ive had for the past 6 years and that you're actually here with me.” My mother manages to say through her tears. But,(y/n) is barely able to get anything out through her sobs. All she does is run to where my mother and father stand and embraces them. At that they all fall to the floor in their embrace. Hvitserk is now standing beside me. Watching, with the rest of us the reunion of a mother with her child. In my daze of being focused on my parents and sister reuniting I fail to realize that both Torvi and Aslaug are missing......

Aslaug POV

“She should have been dead!!! What part of kill the insolent bastard child do you not understand!” I scream at Torvi. “You did not tell me that she was the daughter of Ragnar and Lagertha. Much less Bjorn's sister!” I had ordered Torvi to kill (y/n) so that what I had done that night many years ago, would not come back to haunt me or my family. I did this in order to protect them. That insolent child will only bring death with her. The death of our gods. And that is something I will not allow. I had faked to not have known about her existence all that time ago, but I cannot put past me the prophecy that was foretold by the volva. I will do anything in my power to make sure that she gets nowhere near my sons. For I rather die then see an era were Vikings and Christians alike are one people.... “When Helga and Floki get to the dock. Report back to me immediately and tell Floki that he has an unfinished job from 6 years ago.” As I stare at my husband and his so called “family” I cannot help, but get a bad feeling about this. 

That Christian child will pay for coming between my family....

[islamicrays]

Salam, the guy I like is engaged to someone else and I am heartbroken. When Will it be my turn? I am so ugly and fat

Walaikum Assalaam

Marriage is something that will happen when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala wills. It doesn't matter how you look if Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala has written something for you then you will get it. I have seen many beautiful sisters but they are facing problem in getting married. Marriage will happen when Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala wills. It's just matter of time. Pray to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that He grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.

If you are fat but healthy then that's good. Love yourself. But if you are not healthy then better to lose weight because those who have higher BMI; they are at greater risk of having diseases. If you make the intention to lose your weight so you can worship Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala in a more better way then you will get the reward as well in shaa Allah.

The best remedy is to keep yourself busy and to be in His rememberace. When you get thought of him seek refuge in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Fix your prayers and make your relationship stronger with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Think of ways how you can improve your relation with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Help your mother in the house. Be good to your family members. Do activities in your free time. Do dhikr all the time. It will help you in shaa Allah

First we need to attach ourselves to Allah then we can easily detach from others. We need to balance the love of Creator and the Creation. Keep the love of the creation in your hand and the love of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala in your heart that’s difficult to do but with time you will learn. For this we need to make dua and love for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala

“Call on your Lord when your heart is brittle, that is a time when it’s in pieces and the Light of Allah can fill the gaps. That is why Allāh is with the broken hearted.”

-Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

“The fastest way to heal a broken heart is to find someone better to love, and love more. Know that sometimes heartbreak happens just to push you to Allah.”

-Yasmin Mogahed

Fix your prayers and ask Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala for the help. Always remember that Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala plans are better than our wishes. Make lots of dua and while asking Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala always say “if it’s good for me” because we don’t know what’s good for us only Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala knows.

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Quran 2:216)

Advice from Hadia Alia on moving from a ex boyfriend

“Moving on from an ex-boyfriend can sometimes be very complex. Every situation is uniqe and will require different actions. Here are a few tips to get over him:

Cry. It is ok to cry if you want as it feels better when you let all the emotions out instead of keeping them bottled up inside you forever.Talk to someone you trust. Sometimes you just need someone to listen rather than offer advice. Even you cannot understand why it happened, talking about it can help you accept that the relationship is over.Get the help you need. A breakup can have serious negative effects on your mental and physical well-being, especially if you find that you are still dwelling on it months later. Breakups have been associated with weakened immune systems and an increased risk of illness. People who have not gotten over a breakup within 16 weeks can even experience physical changes in their brains that reduce their motivation, concentration, and emotions. A therapist can help by listening to you, encouraging you to confront your feelings, and teaching you new ways to do with your pain.Remind yourself to let go. There are variety of behavioral techniques you can try to stop thinking about your ex. All of these techniques rely on your ability to recognize when a thought about your ex enters your mind and to take a specific action to stop that thought from coming back. Remember that these techniques are to be used for obsessive thoughts only! If you have not yet dealt with your feelings and taken the time to grieve, you should not try to suppress your thoughts.

– You can try wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it each time you think about your ex.

– You can write down the thoughts you are having about your ex on a piece of paper and then throw it away.

– You can try a visualization exercise, which requires you to visualize a specific scene whenever a thought of your ex occurs to you. For example, you could think of a stop sign in order to remind yourself that you need to stop what you are doing. If you do this consistently, the association should become automatic.

Focus on taking care of yourself. In order to boost your mood, it’s important to practice healthy habits. Make sure you exercise regularly and get plenty of sleep. Committing yourself to a healthy lifestyle will not only make you feel good, but it may just offer you the escape you need from thoughts about your ex

– Start praying five times. It will help you to regain your positivity and let go of the stress associated with your breakup.

Remember, you are strong and can get over him if you really want to.”

Always remember this:

“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself for the outcome of all affairs is determined by the decree of Allah. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come on your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.”

-Umar ibn al Khattab (Radi Allahu Ta’ala Anhu)

On healing broken hearts:

If you are trying to get over a person you can’t be with, treat it like an addiction:

1. Cut yourself off from the drug completely: Cut off all communication and reminders–even if that means blocking numbers, emails, a Facebook profile, and stop checking their Facebook! This is your detox.

2. Replace it with something better: Increase in your thikr (remembrance of Allah) and get closer to Allah. If you aren’t praying your daily prayers, fix that. Pray all and pray on time. Pray qiyam in the last third of the night (just before fajr). Make duaa, tawbah (repentance), cry, plead to Allah. This is your treatment.

(Yasmin Mogahed)

Unlawlful love before marriage…

Ibn al Qayyim al Jawziyyah (rahimahullah) mentions in regards to unlawful love before marriage (i.e. haram sexual relations, or love for someone who you are unable to marry).

“And the cure for this deadly illness (i.e. unlawful love before marriage) is for the person that is afflicted to realise that this love is only due to his/her own delusions and ignorance.

So upon such a person is to first and foremost strengthen their Tawheed and reliance upon Allah, and secondly to increase in worship and busy themselves with it, so much so that they do not have any spare time letting their minds wander and think about their beloved.

And they should call upon Allah to protect them and save them from this evil, just as Prophet Yusuf called upon Allah and he was saved. And they should do as he did, be as he was, in terms of ikhlaas (sincerity) and remembering Allah in abundance.

This is because if the heart is filled with ikhlaas for the sake of Allah, there will be no space left for any unlawful love to be present, rather this only happens to a heart that is empty and has no ikhlaas whatsoever.

And let such people remind themselves that whatever Allah has decreed for them is only in their own best interests, and when Allah commands something it is never to cause harm or misery to His slaves.

And let them also remind themselves that their unlawful love does not benefit them, neither in this world or the hereafter! As for this world then they will be so preoccupied with their love that it will cripple them and will cause them to live in a fantasy world. And as for the hereafter then it will cause them to be preoccupied with the love of the creation instead of love for the Creator!

These people need to be reminded, that the one who is submerged in something will never see it’s ill effects, neither will the person who has never experienced such things. The only people who will be able to relate to them are those who have experienced the same thing but have been saved. Such people can look back and realise how evil it is.”

Recite Astaghfirullah as much you can.

Following are some dua for marriage:

1.“Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.�� (Quran 25:74)

2.”Rabbana aatina fi’d dunya hasana wa fi’l aakhirati hasana wa qina `adhab an-nar.” [O Lord! Grant us good in this life, and good in the next, and save us from the torment of the Fire] (Qur’an, 2: 200). Recite this dua’ with the intention of marriage as it is included in the phrase “fi’d dunya hasana” (good in this life).

3.My Lord, do not leave me alone and You are the best of inheritors. (Surah al-Anbiya` 21:89)

I hope it will be helpful. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide us all to the straight path. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.

Allahumma Ameen

[zakthefiend]

Nightmares of the Destroyer

(So, as it turns out, Khadgar is pretty much absent from Wrath of the Lich King to Warlords of Draenor. @drew-winchester made the art, and I couldn’t but remember somethings that Deathwing had said to Khadgar when seeing this peace. Without any more time to lose, here’s Nightmare of the Destroyer!)

Night had fallen upon the continent of Kalimdor. Somewhere isolated, two lovebirds were sleeping united after so long since their separation. Khadgar and Peregrïn, after Khad had returned from his isolation in the outlands, wanted to spend time with his lovely night elf. Same could be said for Perry, humans live such short lives, and change over long periods of time! She was worried that the sweet boy she fell for was gone, luckily fate had other plans for them.

After the Lich King’s fall by the Heroes of Azeroth and Tirion Fordring, the world was at peace. It was during this peace, that Khadgar and Perry made plans at a certain couples retreat in Kalimdor. They planned to make up for lost times and spend months away. After a couple of months, our lovely couple had mended some wounds done in from the seperation. They were happy.

However, peace has always been a blissful lie on a world such as this. This world was forged in conflict and war, peace was much like a sunset: As beautiful as it is, it’s just as fleeting. Which is why one night, Khadgar found himself having trouble sleeping...

Khadgar laid in his bed, next to Peregrïn, sound asleep. Perry was dreaming that she was on an adventure with her idol: Elise Starseeker. She was on an adventure to claim the great treasures of Zul’Amon in a very dangerous ruin. The two dodge and faced many dangers that the forgotten ruins of the trolls, such as spike floors, snake pits, tribal trolls, arrow walls, a fire hallway, and a really big snake-like creature! Eventually, the two claimed the treasures of Zul’Amon! 

“Thank you Perry, I couldn’t have succeeded on this expedition without your help.” She smiled at Perry with pride and gratitude.

Perry, trying not to die from excitement, replies in sort of a high pitch voice, “Just... Just doing what I could!”

Elise smiled, and held her hand up for a victory high five. Perry was not going to hesitate on this moment! She heard a loud scream, which the dreamland fell apart and she was awoken to a screaming Khadgar!

“Khadgar! Khadgar! Wake up!” She shouted, pushing and pulling him until he wakes up. It succeeded, and Khadgar awoke hyperventilating and in a cold sweat.

“P...Perry? What’s going on?” He asked confused.

“You were screaming in your sleep. Are you okay?” She asked worriedly.

“I... I think so. I honestly can’t remember.”

“Good. Good...” 

Khadgar gets a face full of pillow! Then another one! Then another one!

“OW! OW! Hey, what’s the matter with you?!?”

“I was about to high five Elise Starseeker after a great adventure with her, but you woke me up before then jerk!” She shouts, still hitting with the pillow.

“You can’t blame me! I don-ow! Don’t even remember my dream!” Khadgar pleaded, trying to defend himself from the angry Perry assault! It was devastating!

“Still! It makes me feel better!” She stops with one last thwap from the pillow. She huffs, turning away from Khadgar. “Of all the times to wake me up, why then?”

Khadgar hugs Perry from behind, trying to have the angry elf calm down. “I don’t know, but I’m sure it won’t happen again. Won’t you join me for the remainder of the night?”

She tries to stay mad at him, but his bed head was too much for her. She complied, hoping this would be the last time it happens.

It wasn’t.

This kept occurring multiple times a week! It seemed to only get worst from then on! Eventually, Perry and Khadgar agreed that this was no normal nightmare. So, they decided to finally find out what the hell was going on.

Perry purchased a night elven scroll. The scroll allows one to enter another’s dream for 20 minutes. After careful consideration and precautions, the two readied the ritual and Perry entered Khadgar’s dream.

It was dark. Very dark. She couldn’t see an inch in front of her. It smelled like something was burning. Then, the darkness lifted, and with it revealed a horrible sight! Wyrmrest Accord in ruins, bodies upon bodies of heroes cover the ground below her, the entire dragonflight lie dead and butchered upon the ground! Their bodies torn to pieces with various organs scattered across from them.

Peregrïn felt like she was going to puke, backing away from it until she hit something behind her. As she turned, her nausea would be quickly replaced with a crippling fear. Behind her was a Ginormous tale, darkened in Onyx scales. following the tail led to a heavily armored dragon with what appears to be lava dripping from the cracks of the armor. When her eyes continued further, she quickly realized who had been the cause of Khadgar’s torment.

The Xaxa had been attacking Khadgar. Deathwing was the cause of this.

Before she could say a word, Perry saw Khadgar crucified on a cross like structure of iron. He struggles to break free as the fallen aspect laughed at his futile attempts.

“Give up mage. Not even your former master Medivh could have shattered the bonds that bind you!” It spoke in a deep thunderous tone. His speech was enough alone to shake the ground under him. “Why do you mortals insist on making more difficult than it has to be? If you’d just give in to my will, the pain will stop.”

“Never! I won’t fall to your tactics Neltharion!” Khadgar shouted, grunting in pain.

Perry looked on in horror as it released a large amount of smoke and steam from it’s mouth and nostrils, “It’s Deathwing! Neltharion was a weak fool, a plaything for the Titans amusement!”

“And your the plaything for the old gods? It seems you only switched sides on-” Khadgar was cut off, as the dragon aspect lifted but a claw and shot a torrent of lightning onto Khadgar! He screamed in unbearable pain!

“What’s that? I can’t hear your smartass mouth over all this lightning...!”

Perry had enough, and rushed over to Khadgar’s side to save him! She turned into a bird, and soared up high and landed near Khadgar’s crucifix. She turned back to elf and tried to shatter the chains that bind him.

Khadgar turned to her, and looked on in shock. “Perry?”

“Don’t worry my love, I’ll-” She was cut off when a draconic claw made from earth grabbed a hold of her.

“Well, well, well! A visitor! I should have known you would bring aid. Is the rest of the Kirin Tor here as well?” He laughed in joy at a new toy he can break! “Wait, you say “my love”? You two are...!” He bellowed a twisted laughter now! His metal jaw spilling out hot magma onto the floor below them. “Fantastic! I now have the means to break the mighty Khadgar! After all, what’s a better way to break a man...” His head drew closer to Peregrïn, her eyes grows wide as she realized what awaited for her now. “then his heart?”

Khadgar shouted insults at Deathwing, trying to get his attention to turn back to him. It was not enough, as the fallen aspect blew a mighty gust of steaming ash and smoke at the small elf. Her skin burned as her screams were muffled by the hot white ashes being blown at her. He laughed in amusement in seeing the small elf crying in pain.

“Oops! I forgot your pitiful race of elves are not good with incredibly hot steam! I should remember to be more careful, I might break my little toy too soon!” Deathwing once again laughed maniacally at his nefarious deeds. Khadgar kept shouting Perry’s name, trying to be sure that she wasn’t... that she wasn’t...

He noticed Perry suddenly looked fine. Her burnt flesh, bloodshot eyes, even her clothes looked like they were completely fine. Deathwing stopped his victorious laugh to see this. “Wait, you should not be doing that.” He says, looking on in disbelief.

Perry shook her head, coughing out some ashes. “Well, that wasn’t nice. Then again, what can I expect from the sadistic jackass of the old gods!”

Deathwing slammed his fist near her, “Silence mortal! I will crush you if you do not heed my words!” There was a slight hint of desperation in his tone.

“Khadgar, this is a dream. He’s been invading your head and trying to drive you mad!” She shouted at him. “Wake up!”

Deathwing Roared in furious passion, as he released a torrent of black flames at him. Unfortunately for our monstrous creature, Khadgar had disappeared. “NOOOO!!!”

When Khadgar woke up, he remembered everything Deathwing had done to him in his dreams. The two realized Deathwing was using a spell that makes people forget when a specific action occurs. The action that was chosen was whenever someone or something outside of the dream wakes the dreamer up.

Khadgar instantaneously performed a spell that prevented Deathwing or any of his minions from enterring his mind again. He then rushed to tell everyone about the news but he was too late. Deathwing made his presence known across Azeroth.

The destroyer had returned...

Khadgar sat on the bed. He thought about all he could’ve done to have prevented this from occurring. Peregrïn walks in on his pondering state. “Khadgar?”

“Hrmm? Oh Perry. I’m fine if you were wondering. No need to check on me.” He lied fantastically bad. Their both bad liars to each other.

“Khadgar. You don’t need to hide anything from me.” She walks over to him, and sits beside him. “What’s the matter?”

Khadgar sighed, “I saw you die. I saw your flesh boil to that monsters will. I was helpless. I... I should’ve...!”

He stopped when he was suddenly pulled into Perry’s embrace. “Remember what happened in that library all those years ago? When I snapped at seeing you almost dying. What you are feeling are the exact same ones I felt back then. I felt helpless when those bullies almost killed you and...” She took a deep breath and continued, “What I am getting at Khadgar, is that despite you not being able to protect me then, doesn’t you can’t protect me from things to come. We’re a team, and we stick together no matter what.”

The two stayed the way they were for a long time. Perry held Khadgar close, not wanting to let go of the wizard until he felt better.

“I love you Perry.”

“I love you too Khadgar. Now, and forever...”

[anum-cara]

DAY 1

Day 1

 Why am here in Drakensberg 2 weeks before the holiday? I have come to look for salvation. I have come to try to clear my soul, to rid myself of the crippling sadness. Maybe if I dissect what happened, I can clean myself out and start anew. Maybe if I start at the beginning of what brought me here to this moment, I can shed all the agony I feel inside. I look at the ruins of my life and feel awe and horror in equal measure.

 I am sure, if most the world turned into zombies and people started eating each other, it would have been less destructive to my life, then what actually occurred

  “Healing isn’t pretty

But the other side is fucking beautiful”

 I want to find my beautiful

I need to find my other side

 But let’s look at the here and now. First today, then I will open the door to past

 Today I drove down a road that never ends. I walked up a mountain. I swam in an icy cool rock pool. I stood under a waterfall. Well, more like water trickle. The water run so slowly across the rock, it looked like the rock was leaking water. I walked on a mountain trail that ended abruptly and then thought...what the hell...I am a seasoned hiker. I will just make my own path

And of course I got lost on same said mountain

 Now the shoe story:

I usually buy my hiking boots 1 number bigger, so 7. Turns out a UK 7 are a SA 5. In retrospect the shop attendant did mention something like that.....But I was in such a rush...I didn’t really want to hear it

As soon as I put it on, I could feel my toes scrunch up uncomfortably in the front of the shoe.

I know what you thinking: Why didn’t I try them on in the shop?

Sad thing is: I DID!!!! I was just so rushed and felt they are a bit tight, but thought: “ag well....Gotto go!”

 So when I got to Mahai trail, I stopped and put my hiking boots on. I knew I will never make it in these shoes, but low and behold my red Cape Town tekkies was in the car! A very light shoe and thin sole. Very fashionable. It actually went ok, because big parts of the trail are paved. It’s when I got lost and had to trample through the knee high grass and brush that they desperately failed my.

 Now the hike story

So here I am tramping through the thick foliage and I thought, just keep going downwards. All roads (excuse the pun...cause there was none – IM A POET!) lead to Rome right?! WRONG. The further I went the more impossible it was to continue on my chosen path. I was thoroughly lost. After about 20min, I was getting a bit anxious and tired. After all, I had hiked a good hour to get to this nowhere spot. In my now buggered red fashion tekkies

Then I had a brain wave. Just use the GPS. I was so relieved to see I was only 3 minute walk away from the car park and started walking with new enthusiasm. Turns out GPS does not take gorges, thick foliage and sheer cliff drops into account.

Now I was really nervous, I was just getting more and more lost! And a storm was brewing. Not in my head this time.  A real storm. In the sky above. I didn’t even look around when I heard the lightning behind me. I was scared enough already. Didn’t have to see that shit

So prayed and asked God to please show me the trail. God definitely has a sense of humour. As I got to the top of the hill, shortly after my plea to God, I saw a trail. On a hill about 2 hills away.

Ok God, thank you. Very funny. Let me be a little bit more specific with the request I send up to You: Can the route I am now following cross a trail. On this hill. In about 5 min or so. Else my faith will start failing, I threatened, and neither of us wants that. I remembered the lightning and shot a smile up to the sky, so God knows I was only joking

I made peace with the fact that I would have to back track to the waterfall and link up to the trail from there. There was no way to back track onto my original trail. I had no idea where it was. So I just kept walking, jumping and climbing in the general direction. Eventually I found my way to the little creek somewhere below the waterfall. I had already seen the trail on the other side of the creek, as I was coming down the hill. Now there was a lot of scrambling down. Sliding on my bum, jumping and climbing involved in getting to the other side and of course, I could not see the trail again. After climbing across a bunch of boulders and still not seeing the trail, I exclaimed out load: Ag give me a break! And as I said this I saw an African Lady in a bright red dress walking towards me on the trail that was hidden from me by the long grass. I gave God a small smile and said: You funny guy. And thank you

  Day 1 pre life destruction

 I was standing in my kitchen the day my soul-mate, best friend and lover fell in love with a girl. An icy wind swept through my soul. The experience was so intense I gasped for air. And I knew. I did not know exactly what I knew. I just knew, like only women do.

 I looked up and through the window. It felt like there was a storm brewing. Not in the physical world. Deeper, much deeper than that.

If I had a Weasley clock the arm would have swung to “grave peril”.

I had a beautiful quintessential life. A lovely perfect family unit. I adored my partner. He was my whole world. And he adored me

But change was coming for us all, like a monstrous beast.

 My handsome, brooding teenage son sauntered through the kitchen. I watched him exit the door and a groan escaped my lips.

The anguish in my soul was so unfathomable and yet so real. Every breath caused me pain. Well that is what I thought pain was. I had no idea how intimately I would get to know that word.

 My daughter was making singing noises somewhere in the house. Completely unaware of what was to come

 He was the spindle of our household. He was our silent strength. He was our guardian. He was our protector.

He would now become our spindle and our chainsaw in equal measure. The same man that had kept us together will relentlessly rip at us, until there was nothing left, but ruin.

 He came home from work, but I said nothing of what I had experienced in the kitchen that day. What do you say? Wait for the man you have loved and adored most of your adult life and say: “Hey honey, an icy wind blew through my soul today and I want to ask you: Please don’t. I don’t know what exactly, but please don’t.”

 Of course my mind immediately contradicted the unexplained visceral reaction of my soul. “He is your best friend. He has been for many years. There is no logic to this. You are happy. You have such an intense connection with each other. This can’t be real. Your soul must be confused.”

And so the war between your soul and your mind begins

 At that moment the journey started, that almost destroyed all of me. The contradiction of the untruths you hear from the man you love and trust implicitly and what your soul whispers to you night and day. The relentless need to believe the man you adore and disregard what you feel, but cannot explain. So begins the destruction of self. The erosion of the confident women you once were. I had a choice: Hang on to your belief and keep your self-worth or disregard yourself in favour of the mate you believed you know.

The same man who completed me for so long was about to unstitch me, our home, our life, our world. One stitch at a time. He would slowly, methodically over an extended period of time rip chunks out of my soul. When he was done, my soul looked like it had been through a shark attack.

It’s not the affair that destroys you; it’s the lies and deceit.

But in all fairness, I did a fair amount of tearing my soul apart myself. In order to believe him I had to doubt myself. The reality was just too dreadful.

This war between my soul and its knowing and my mind and its denial, would take me to the brink of insanity

 Over a period of months, this man I have loved and adored would introduce me to the word hopeless. He would make anguish my constant companion. He would bring despair into my bed and watch it ride me into the night

He would watched all of this happening to me, day after day, week after week, month after month and show me only exhaustion and exasperation at my inability to keep it together

He would repeatedly say: I am just having fun. I am not doing anything wrong

 If you think it’s the truth that destroys you, you wrong. The truth just explains the devastation you already experience. I looked at the ruin of what I was. I had no concrete explanation for it.

 Once the truth was out, there was a strange kind of peace in knowing the dreadful truth. It ended the war between my mind and my soul.

 And then he sat back with a raised eyebrow, as if he was saying: Now rebuilt it. Fix you. I’m waiting. Impatiently. I want....I want ....I want...

 The problem with an affair is that the war is raged between the walls of your home. With every shot, every cannonball you destroy your own world.

 I wander in between the torn and bombed remains of my mind. I look at my ripped and scattered soul and I’m astounded at the damage I had done to myself.

For the love of a man

 And I ask amazed, can love do this?

And my tattered soul whispers yes

And my mind screams no!

 And so the war begins again

[mephistophelianmusingsxo]

Deliverance

Do you know the beautiful thing about life? It occurs amidst chaos, it is the force with the gentlest of touch, filling your lungs with the very essence until you fill the air with your very first cries, that is when life becomes precious. A miracle in its simplest form. A natural occurrence so great it is almost impossible to measure the intensity, it is what we as women are afforded to do on this earth. To bear and raise children, to wipe away and squander all fears; to humble and comfort when your child is awoken from a nightmare, chasing the demons away. But what of I? Now a woman deemed unwanted, tarnished and without purity. What happens to the women like me? Society has branded us no better than a common whore. And as these women stare up at me, I can’t help but become desperate. No one knows, no one will ever know what he did to me, I have been forbidden to say. For I fear if I tell a soul I will surely speak the true evil of that night. The man is dead and I was the reigning power that gave authority to his demise… It all comes down to that one word ‘life’ and I am not speaking about the type of life one lives, I am talking about life itself. It is of course one of the wealthiest inheritances one could get, waking up every morning with rays of sun streaking through your window, like fingers lacing with your own and kick-starting your body in to motion. Seeping through your skin and delivering warmth to your soul. Yet, no amount of sun could ever warm my soul now, I have become what I thought I never would; a killer, a monster. As I stand here with my feet dangling off the window ledge, I have no mother to chase my demons away, no comforting embrace to soothe a mind so full of misery, weary eyes found the ground below me. The ache that had begun inside me that night had finally come to consume me. In this moment, my cries replace the howls of beasts, for I sing a melody of grief playing right in to the hearts of the towns people. Whilst I had fought for normality, my every waking moment was spent reliving that moment; many a night I would demand the servants leave me be to bathe but no amount of scrubbing would rid his filth from me. It taunted me, no, no, he taunted me, he was the demon inside me, reminding me of how easy it would be for me to end this. No longer would I walk around pretending I was happy, no longer would my nights be filled with unheard cries. I wanted to jump, to float upon the air like I was truly free before my body hit the ground with a sickening thud. Granting myself the release I truly wanted, I have not slept for weeks, I’ve barely eaten. He is the victor in all this. I take no gratitude in knowing that I murdered him, however, I do take esteem that he can never hurt another. My death would be tragic. A tragedy to the Medici family, flowers would arrive from near and far, providing a whole new life as my family would now be absent of one of their own. Slowly, I edged closer to the very end of the ledge, the shuffling of guards in armour just left of the courtyard proved oddly comforting, I wasn’t the only one alone in the dead of night. The wind whipped my hair around my face, momentarily distracting me from the thoughts that swamped my mind. I wanted to forget, gripping at the frame of the window, my gaze cast downwards once again. Hard and unforgiving there would be no coming back, once I step from this ledge I can never return home, I can never and will never see the faces of my loved ones, or my saviour. The patron with golden hair.

“Catalina, my lady, there has to be another way, come down from the ledge.” There was a voice, but whose? Craning my neck to get a glimpse, there he was -  Aristide. Stood tall, smug and mocking. I barely registered his words before his hands were around my throat, running a hand through my hair. No, please. Leave me! A small but noticeable lour made its way on to my tear stained face. What gave him the right to tease me so? Wasn’t it enough that he took the only thing that was positively mine? He too had to come and haunt my waking moments. Rage came to replace the numbness I had been feeling before. Who gave him the right to control me like this? Most importantly why? It would seem I was to find out as he spoke once more. “I watched you, Catalina. I watched you for weeks, so quick to dismiss any advancements made on you. Too priggish and upright. You got what you deserved, if only it had lasted longer…” Go away! Bastard. How dare he! Shaking free from his hold, the danger of the situation left me completely I wanted him to go. Either way, I would rid him forever. Whether it was because I slipped from the ledge or whether I denied his control further, I did not know. Sunsets used to be my favoured sequence of the day, though now as I stared out at the rising sun, the tears returned to my eyes, still I was transfixed and fascinated by their beauty, however, I could not let myself look upon them freely as I once had, they were no longer a siren of a new beginning, instead a constant ripple of angst. I didn’t want to be saved, I did not deserve to be. Dispelling the image of him from my mind completely, one thought remained steadfast. Would it hurt to die? Or will the impact kill me instantly? One would think that such a thought would have the power to upset, to cripple and squeeze a scream from the confines of my chest because no one deserved to die like this, peace would be absent; or would it? Perhaps, taking a hold of my emotions like this will trigger the release I need. The release I want. It would only take a second, a simple step forward no thought was needed. Just let my feet guide me. A single moment, a single fleeting moment of regret that would stay with me forever, with whispered apologies and a promise that I would forever remain in their hearts, I stepped from the ledge and began to plummet to the courtyard below. Time was limitless, there are limitless ways to live a life, I have lived mine and now it is time for me to expand with one as the universe. Souls do not drown here, the sea of self-freedom is boundless, seductive and absolutely serendipitous. Liberating was what it was, there was something about all of this that made it somewhat bearable, a strange comfort to be had. No matter what happens today, the sun will always rise again in the morning. I only hoped that someone would feel their beauty as I did. Amidst the chaos of my death, life will prevail and it shall never lose its natural splendour. As it is just that. Something that will always remain an unveiling miracle.    

Strange, I thought death would bring me the peace that I sought, carefree and allowing me to play amongst the sun – not living and breathing in the darkness and ice that I call my soul. You see, I chose to ran, never did I think I had the strength to control but as I fall, suspended in a cocoon of endless time. Time paused, I think and I regret. I did little to fight my madness, instead I accepted it and to accept insanity is the most foolish one can be. Cheerlessly, there are many that do not wake from their fears, whose hearts fail them and hereafter they suffer for an eternity. Nightmares follow you forever, they are the shadow that cast shade over your heart. Jerking awake suddenly, I gasp for air; greedily gulping in what my lungs may take at the excessive rate I pulled breaths in. There is little logic to be had from my nightmare, and as I glance around my chambers, my heart is then only buttered with pain. Lords knows I should not be ashamed of my tears, but it is not the tears that you see, it is the withering and wilt of a scarred identity. I will never be the same again. I am entwined, broken and thoroughly destroyed from the wrong that has corrupted me. Pulling my knees to my chest, my head bows to rest upon them; I am not what has been done to me, I am not the tears that I shed, but I am empty. A season that can only bloom once a year, never a field of flowers and light breeze in spring. The falling of leaves and desertion of colour as winter comes to take hold. I am deserted, utterly lost to this assiduous torture. Back to that one thing ‘life’, even life had come to forsake me. Could this be the punishment I deserved? To smoulder and cinder with burnt desire from the silence I keep in tow, is perhaps the greatest punishment of all.

[yournewapartment]

Tampon help? I'm new to tampons and periods in general!

A Beginner’s Guide to Periods

General Information

The most important thing to remember is that everybody’s body is different. Don’t be alarmed if your first few periods aren’t what you thought they would be, just go with the flow and give your body what it needs.

Duration: Periods vary greatly in length. Normally they last about a week, but I once met a woman whose period was only 4 days! Mine is 8 days.

Occurrence: Periods are monthly events for most people, and will typically happen during the same timeframe each month. If you have your period on the 14th of this April, odds are that you will have it again around the 14th of May, and so on.

Irregular periods: Some women do not experience a monthly period, or even a bi-monthly period. My period came every two months before I started birth control, which is not ideal. If you have an irregular period you may want to talk to your doctor about regulating it with birth control.

Colors: You will notice a myriad of different colors during your period! Darker blood (almost brown colored) is older uteral lining that was shed several hours previously, while redder blood is freshly shed. You will probably start your period with brown blood, move through your heaviest days with red, and end again on brown. 

Flow: Flow is what we ladies call the rate at which we bleed during our periods. You will need to use different types of pads/tampons to help accommodate the flow changes throughout your period (see tampons/pads/cups).

Females typically start and end their periods with very light flow and/or spotting.

Every single female I have ever spoken to has told me that her period is heaviest during its second day. I can’t state that this is a scientific fact, but expect that this will be the case for you.

Many women experience “false ends” during the last day or two of their periods. You may experience a large amount of time with no bleeding (I actually go an entire day), and may think that your period has ended and that it’s safe to wear nice panties again. WRONG. Your period will return!

Spotting: Spotting is any light vaginal bleeding which occurs at any time other than when a period is due. There are so many reasons why it may happen, most of them hormone related. If you are spotting on a regular basis, call your OBGYN.

Cramps: Cramps are typically experienced in the early stages of your period. You can get them before your period starts (a harbinger of times to come) or even during the first few days of your period. They vary from imperceptible to cripplingly painful. You can’t really do much to temper them, so this is a time for you to focus on yourself being comfortable (see below).

Pregnancy: No you cannot get pregnant while on your period! 

Sex: Yes you can absolutely have sex on your period, and I recommend that you do. Vaginas are at their most stimulated and sensitive during menstruation (not to mention lubed up and ready to go) and period sex is AMAZING. That said, always talk to your significant other about what they’re comfortable with, and remember to use a towel!

Pads/Tampons/Cups

There are so many options when it comes to caring for yourself while on your period! Try out different brands and types of feminine hygiene products to find what works best for you.

Pads

Pads are the perfect product for a period beginner, or else someone who is uneasy touching “down there”.

They vary in thickness and size, and Always is my favorite brand. You’ll want to use thicker pads for your heavy flow days, lighter pads for your lighter days. The product bag will tell you how many hours each pad is good for, and they’re very accurate representations of when you will need to change your pad.

It’s a good idea to buy at least two different thicknesses of pads so that you’ll be able to transition through your period with ease. 

You do not need to remove your pad whenever you use the restroom.

Pads do not expire, and how many you use depends on what your body needs. If you don’t use an entire pack, save the rest for next month!

How to use pads.

NEVER BUY SCENTED PADS. 

Tampons

Tampons are my go-to feminine hygiene product! I prefer them to pads because pads make me feel like I have two tons of cotton stuffed down my undies. Tampons are virtually undetectable when used properly, I sometimes forget I have them in!

You may choose to use a light pad in addition to a tampon. This ensures that the tampon is placed properly and that nothing leaks out. 

Like pads, tampons vary in thickness. As they get thicker they get bigger in length. Light tampons are very small, while heavy tampons can be as long and thick as your ring finger. Tampax sells an assortment of tampons that is ideal for transitioning through your flow patterns.

I typically go through about half a box of tampons per period.

In my experience, store brand tampons are less comfortable than name brand ones like Tampax. Do what works for you!

You do not need to remove tampons when using the restroom, but some women opt to. If you choose not to remove your tampon, make sure that the tampon’s string is tucked out of the way when you do your business. I like to hold the string aloft while I pee, to ensure that it doesn’t get wet.

How to use tampons. This video is a little silly, but does a good job at thoroughly explaining inserting tampons.

NEVER BUY SCENTED TAMPONS.

Cups

I have personally never used cups, but I didn’t want to leave them out because they’re becoming increasingly popular.

Unlike tampons and pads that have to be discarded after being used, cups can be washed and reused for many years. 

This makes them environmentally friendly and 100% cost efficient, because you don’t have to keep going out and buying more every other month. Note that cups will cost significantly more than tampons or pads for this very reason.

How to use a cup.

Dealing With Cramps

The rumors are true! Cramps are painful, frustrating, and tiring to deal with. Your ovaries take turns releasing eggs, so you will notice that your cramps will alternate on left and right sides of your body. One side always hurts more than the other!

I highly recommend taking some time off when your cramps first hit. I understand that we all have busy lives and cannot just opt out of obligations. In that case, you absolutely need to tell your female coworkers or fellow students what is going on. 

Take aspirin. Cramps don’t all come at once, so make sure to take an aspirin ASAP after experiencing your first wave. You’re not called on to deal with that much pain without light medication.

Hot water. This can be in the form of a shower, hot water bottle, even a bath if you can stand it. This helps relax your muscles and therefore relieves the cramps. Btw, women don’t bleed while in water, for whatever weird reason. Take a shower and see what I mean.

Chocolate: Get those endorphins flowing! I find that I crave fatty, salty, and sugary foods during my period, and I allow myself to follow those cravings.

Tea: Brew yourself a cup of your favorite herbal tea to help relieve some of those cramps. Coffee not so much.

Back rub: Ask your significant other (or a good friend) for a back rub to help relieve pain. Have them focus on the lower part of your back, taking special care to massage around your abdominal area.  

R&R: Lay on your couch or bed and watch some Netflix. Or else, do something that doesn’t require a lot of cognitive thought. Let your body relax while not doing any physical exertion. 

Sleep: If all else fails and you’re feeling miserable, allow yourself a two hour nap. 

Birth control: If you have severe/crippling cramps please please please talk to your OBGYN about birth control. Birth control can help reduce the painfulness and length of your menstrual cramps.

[islamicrays]

What kind of dua should I make to forget someone? 1.5 yrs ago someone and I wanted to get married, but his family got in between us because I'm not the same ethnicity. They forced him to marry someone else and he did. Idk if hes actually forced, but what I know is people fight for who they love. Yet even with all this, I can't forget him. I truly loved him from the bottom of my heart and was excited to spend my life by his side. I have one good day and then a million bad ones. What should I do? I know people will say "you shouldn't have gotten attached to someone not mahram" but they forget that people love, it's not always attachment.

Assalamu Alaikum,

The best remedy is to keep yourself busy and to be in His rememberace. When you get thought of him seek refuge in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Fix your prayers and make your relationship stronger with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Think of ways how you can improve your relation with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. Help your mother in the house. Be good to your family members. Do activities in your free time. Do dhikr all the time. It will help you in shaa Allah

First we need to attach ourselves to Allah then we can easily detach from others. We need to balance the love of Creator and the Creation. Keep the love of the creation in your hand and the love of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala in your heart that’s difficult to do but with time you will learn. For this we need to make dua and love for the sake of Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala

“Call on your Lord when your heart is brittle, that is a time when it’s in pieces and the Light of Allah can fill the gaps. That is why Allāh is with the broken hearted.”

-Shaykh Hamza Yusuf

“The fastest way to heal a broken heart is to find someone better to love, and love more. Know that sometimes heartbreak happens just to push you to Allah.”

-Yasmin Mogahed

Fix your prayers and ask Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala for the help. Always remember that Allah Subhanahu wa ta’ala plans are better than our wishes. Make lots of dua and while asking Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala always say “if it’s good for me” because we don’t know what’s good for us only Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala knows.

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.” (Quran 2:216)

Advice from Hadia Alia on moving from a ex boyfriend

“Moving on from an ex-boyfriend can sometimes be very complex. Every situation is uniqe and will require different actions. Here are a few tips to get over him:

Cry. It is ok to cry if you want as it feels better when you let all the emotions out instead of keeping them bottled up inside you forever.Talk to someone you trust. Sometimes you just need someone to listen rather than offer advice. Even you cannot understand why it happened, talking about it can help you accept that the relationship is over.Get the help you need. A breakup can have serious negative effects on your mental and physical well-being, especially if you find that you are still dwelling on it months later. Breakups have been associated with weakened immune systems and an increased risk of illness. People who have not gotten over a breakup within 16 weeks can even experience physical changes in their brains that reduce their motivation, concentration, and emotions. A therapist can help by listening to you, encouraging you to confront your feelings, and teaching you new ways to do with your pain.Remind yourself to let go. There are variety of behavioral techniques you can try to stop thinking about your ex. All of these techniques rely on your ability to recognize when a thought about your ex enters your mind and to take a specific action to stop that thought from coming back. Remember that these techniques are to be used for obsessive thoughts only! If you have not yet dealt with your feelings and taken the time to grieve, you should not try to suppress your thoughts.

– You can try wearing a rubber band around your wrist and snapping it each time you think about your ex.

– You can write down the thoughts you are having about your ex on a piece of paper and then throw it away.

– You can try a visualization exercise, which requires you to visualize a specific scene whenever a thought of your ex occurs to you. For example, you could think of a stop sign in order to remind yourself that you need to stop what you are doing. If you do this consistently, the association should become automatic.

Focus on taking care of yourself. In order to boost your mood, it’s important to practice healthy habits. Make sure you exercise regularly and get plenty of sleep. Committing yourself to a healthy lifestyle will not only make you feel good, but it may just offer you the escape you need from thoughts about your ex

– Start praying five times. It will help you to regain your positivity and let go of the stress associated with your breakup.

Remember, you are strong and can get over him if you really want to.”

Always remember this:

“No amount of guilt can change the past and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself for the outcome of all affairs is determined by the decree of Allah. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come on your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from you it cannot flee.”

-Umar ibn al Khattab (Radi Allahu Ta’ala Anhu)

On healing broken hearts:

If you are trying to get over a person you can’t be with, treat it like an addiction:

1. Cut yourself off from the drug completely: Cut off all communication and reminders–even if that means blocking numbers, emails, a Facebook profile, and stop checking their Facebook! This is your detox.

2. Replace it with something better: Increase in your thikr (remembrance of Allah) and get closer to Allah. If you aren’t praying your daily prayers, fix that. Pray all and pray on time. Pray qiyam in the last third of the night (just before fajr). Make duaa, tawbah (repentance), cry, plead to Allah. This is your treatment.

(Yasmin Mogahed)

Unlawlful love before marriage…

Ibn al Qayyim al Jawziyyah (rahimahullah) mentions in regards to unlawful love before marriage (i.e. haram sexual relations, or love for someone who you are unable to marry).

“And the cure for this deadly illness (i.e. unlawful love before marriage) is for the person that is afflicted to realise that this love is only due to his/her own delusions and ignorance.

So upon such a person is to first and foremost strengthen their Tawheed and reliance upon Allah, and secondly to increase in worship and busy themselves with it, so much so that they do not have any spare time letting their minds wander and think about their beloved.

And they should call upon Allah to protect them and save them from this evil, just as Prophet Yusuf called upon Allah and he was saved. And they should do as he did, be as he was, in terms of ikhlaas (sincerity) and remembering Allah in abundance.

This is because if the heart is filled with ikhlaas for the sake of Allah, there will be no space left for any unlawful love to be present, rather this only happens to a heart that is empty and has no ikhlaas whatsoever.

And let such people remind themselves that whatever Allah has decreed for them is only in their own best interests, and when Allah commands something it is never to cause harm or misery to His slaves.

And let them also remind themselves that their unlawful love does not benefit them, neither in this world or the hereafter! As for this world then they will be so preoccupied with their love that it will cripple them and will cause them to live in a fantasy world. And as for the hereafter then it will cause them to be preoccupied with the love of the creation instead of love for the Creator!

These people need to be reminded, that the one who is submerged in something will never see it’s ill effects, neither will the person who has never experienced such things. The only people who will be able to relate to them are those who have experienced the same thing but have been saved. Such people can look back and realise how evil it is.”

I hope it will be helpful. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide us all to the straight path. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes.

Allahumma Ameen

[tipsycad147]

Herbal and Natural Treatments for UTIs

UTIs blow. And if you’re like me and have had more than you can count, you can understand the unmistakable feeling of dread and doom that settles over you like a stinky cloud of doo doo when you feel a urinary tract infection coming on (or wake up with one). Because I firmly believe in natural medicine, I’ve done significant research into natural remedies. But, per the usual, I have to tell you to talk to your doctor or naturopath before trying any of these. If you have a fever or your symptoms don’t clear up in a week (or get worse), get to a doctor. If you have back pain, see a doctor. 

If you haven’t caught on yet, I’m not a doctor. …but I have seen enough of them. And I know that sitting in front of a male doctor who has most likely never experienced the cruel pleasures of a UTI is a second punch to the bajango when you’re already feeling like poo. It’s not their fault they have longer urethras and therefore rarely encounter the sweet agony of bladder infections. But it does seem like some cosmic joke, doesn’t it? And please don’t send me e-mails that I’m sexist. I have deep sympathy for ANYONE who’s had to go through this torture. I’m just making a simple observation… Anyway, on to the cures!

Uva-Ursi**Remember this name. By God, remember this name! This beautiful, magnificent, sent-from-Summerland herb is *drum roll please!* a bladder cleanser! 

I prefer to buy this as a tincture (which you can get here), but you can also buy the straight herb and make a tea. But I will warn you, this herb will make you THIRSTY. Like, spent-a-fortnight-in-the-desert, forgot-my-canteen thirsty. But that is precisely how it works. It clings to bacteria and flushes it out when you tinkle. Crazy, right?!  Isn’t nature miraculous?

If I feel an infection coming on, I take a 1/4  dropper (about 15 drops) of the tincture 2-3 times a day until the symptoms resolve. If I have a full-blown infection, I take about 30 drops 2-3 times a day. For tea, use a Tablespoon of loose herb to one cup water, let steep for 15-20 minutes and drink 2-3 times daily to treat an infection.

Uva-ursi should not be taken for longer than a week. Uva-ursi can inhibit the breakdown of insulin and therefore should not be used in individuals who are hypoglycemic or diabetic. Also, do not take when pregnant. Uva-ursi will treat a UTI, but it won’t soothe your irritated bladder, which is why I recommend…

Cornsilk**Cornsilk is literally that stuff you shuck off corn and get annoyed with because it sticks to your hands and clothes and everything else it touches. That’s because it loves you. Embrace it. Once you experience the calming transcendence that is cornsilk on an angry bladder, you will want to hug it back. I buy mine by the pound HERE (though you can easily purchase smaller amounts) and never get caught without it. It won’t cure a UTI per se, but it will treat all the lovely irritation that accompanies one. 

Cornsilk is an extremely gentle herb, so I throw a hefty pinch into a couple cups of water, steep until I remember I left it on the stove, and drink, drink, drink my bladder into a calm, tranquil state. But if you’re looking for the real directions: 1 Tablespoon to every cup of water, steep for 15-20, and drink. To me this has a sweet, indescribable-but-not-unpleasant taste, but if you don’t like it feel free to let it cool and chug it down. That’s how I consume most medicinal herbal teas. Two-three cups a day will do a body good.

Note: People who have corn sensitivities may be nervous to try this. Obviously if you’re genuinely allergic use something else, like Marshmallow Root. I, personally, avoid corn because I don’t feel that spectacular after eating it, but I’ve never had any difficulties with the tea. As always, use common sense and decide what is best for you. Plantain Leaf**I’ve never used plantain leaf solely to treat an infection, but throw a hefty pinch into your cornsilk or uva-ursi tea to give it an added boost. Plantain leaf is great for general infections, but is also used specifically for cystits and UTIs. I really like to use it topically as a drawing agent, but that’s a whole other post.

Blueberry Juice You know how everyone says to drink cranberry juice for UTIs? Well, this is cranberry juice’s best gal pal. I’m not a fan of cranberry juice. First off, it actually irritates my bladder more when I’m under the weather. Secondly, to get the natural benefits you need sugarless (NOT sugar-free! By God, do yourself a favour and avoid chemical alternatives to sugar. I’ll forgo the lecture, but I feel obligated to let you know sugar substitutes are a bladder irritant.) I’m talking STRAIGHT cranberry juice. That S#@! is bitter. Blueberry juice, on the other hand, is extremely palatable and is quite soothing on the bladder. I usually drink about a cup a day (half in the morning, half in the evening) to soothe irritation, but this can vary per individual.

Generally it is best to avoid sugar when treating a UTI, but one of the naturally-occurring sugars in blueberry juice is D-mannose, which brings me to my next point….

D-MannoseD-mannose is a powdered supplement derived from berries that can be found in most health food stores. It’s easy to take and can be used to treat a UTI. I’ve tried several brands, but I prefer this one.While it takes a little longer than uva-ursi (I find generally a week for fully developed UTIs), I have absolutely eradicated infections with this stuff. Directions vary per company, but generally the dose is a scoop (included in the container) in a glass of water every 2-3 hours, during waking hours. I keep some on hand in my herbal cupboard.

If you’re prone to UTIs after sex, this is a good supplement to take post coitus to prevent one. (Also, not to get too personal, bathing  for both partners is always advised before sex if you’re struggling with recurrent UTIs. And make sure you tinkle when you’re done knocking boots!).

Some sensitive individuals may find D-mannose has them hitting the bathroom for a whole different reason. If that happens, try decreasing the dose to ½ scoop. Or you can always use uva-ursi.

NOTE: Since a main factor in treating and preventing UTIs involved lots of drinking, you can accidentally lower your potassium levels since potassium is excreted in urine. Try adding high potassium-containing foods to your diet when treating a UTI, such as bananas, dark leafy greens, and mushrooms.  

General tips for treating and preventing UTIs: -If you’re not wearing cotton panties, do yourself the favor and make the switch. And I don’t mean cotton thongs.

-While you’re at it, rethink those skinny jeans. Some women have no issues with tight clothing and vaginal/bladder complications. Others do. If you’re having a reoccurring problem, try giving the tight clothing a break and see if that helps. -Frozen rice packs are great for sitting on or keeping between your legs on those days that you feel like you want to die just a little.

-Avoiding sugar is important to someone who is prone to UTIs, even natural sugar. I’m not saying you can’t have a scoop on a hot summer day. I’m just saying be mindful of your intake and see if there is a connection between a sugary day and an infection.

-Vaginal support supplements like this and this have been very helpful to friends of mine who struggle with UTIs, though I’ve never personally used these. -REST!!! For some reason, because UTIs are so common, women feel the need to go about their daily life business-as-usual style when they have a crippling infection. Listen ladies, just because it’s common does not mean it isn’t stressful to your body (or your mind, for that matter). Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. Sleep if you’re tired. Call out of work if you’re miserable. Ask the hubby to help with the dishes. You feel like $@*! to begin with. Don’t make matters worse by berating yourself for not being Perfect Patty. Give your body time to heal. You’re worth it. ;) **Some information is cited from the wonderful Brigitte Mars, AHG. Check out her fantastic herbal reference guide, The Desktop Guide to Herbal Medicine, for more information!

http://www.pennilesspagan.com/2016/03/herbal-natural-treatments-for-utis.html