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meichenxi · 6 months ago

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Language learning: slow learning versus toxic productivity

Or: the process in crisis

Five years ago, all of the productivity advice I read (and gave out) as a successful self-learner of many different languages had one basic premise: that I was not doing enough, and that I could always be doing more.

Several burnouts later, running headlong from one mental illness into another, I'd like to invite you to entertain the exact opposite idea: there is a limit to what you can do. I have run face-first into mine on multiple occasions, and burnt out. At many points I've stopped learning the language at all. Most importantly, I've learnt to be distrustful of the very premise that all of the so-called productivity or optimisation advice is based on.

More is not always more.

Listen to a podcast in the target language whilst you exercise. Exercise to give yourself more energy to learn your target language. Talk to yourself in the shower in your target language. Do Anki whilst eating breakfast. Listen to Glossika whilst walking to work. Change your phone settings to your target language. Bullet journal. Manage your time. Make friends in your target language. Control your time. Write a diary. There's always enough time. These are all things I have done myself and recommended others do, to increase exposure to the language, to increase productivity.

Productivity? What productivity? What, exactly, is it that we are producing? I am producing sentences and words but - for who? Who is listening? Nobody's here, in my room, at 7am on a Sunday. If productivity were just speaking or writing, I'd be productive in my native language too, by virtue of speaking out loud. Or conversely, in language learning circles, should we measure it in terms of input? How many hours did you spend listening to Chinese yesterday? What about today? Is there anything you do in your life, in your daily life, that you could optimise? You're wasting time. There's time here, for those that want it. If you want to get ahead, to be successful, to be a good language learner, you have to know how to use that time. Go online, and debate over which tools are the best; watch your videos. What exactly is it that is being produced?

Productivity is a measuring tool for concrete output: the productivity of a field means how much crop it can yield per harvest. The productivity of a factory is how many mobile phone chargers it can bring to market per year. There are direct and measurable ways to increase this sort of productivity. But what is productivity when it comes to knowledge work? Cal Newport's work, The Minimalists, Essentialism: they all run into the same problem, which is that nobody seems to know what 'productivity' for knowledge workers means at all. You can look at a factory line and see which parts need greasing up, figuratively or literally: it is very difficult, on the other hand, to look at the work of a self-contained writer and tell her where she is going 'wrong'. (And by 'wrong', I mean - slow.) And language learning is an even more particular subset of that particular subset of work.

You could judge a novelists' productivity two ways: by the 'busyness' of her daily writing routine, or the amount of novels she produces. But what exactly is being produced when we learn a language? What is the end product?

In some ways, language learning as a hobby is even more playful than traditionally thought of arts and crafts. (By 'play' I mean something which is done for its own sake, and which is pleasurable, and which may yield next to no monetary reward.) We might think of the poet as sitting on a tree and dangling his feet in the river, a vision of artful indolence, but at the end of the day there is output - a poem. A knitter has a jumper. A potter has a pot. But language learning doesn't follow this [work] + [time] = [tangible output] structure. We can't even use the second metric of 'productivity' to measure it at all. Something is being done, of course - I can learn to speak Greek, and speak it markedly better after two months than one - but my point is you can't look at a day's work and say, this is exactly how much I learnt. Learning is not memorisation in the short term - it's receiving input, and practicing how to wield and use a structure. It doesn't happen over the course of a ten-minute podcast.

Learning happens - encoding happens - when the brain is doing other things. In other words, much like every creative process, you need downtime. You need rest, and sleep, and fun, and brightness and joy in your life. You might 'remember' a bunch of words on Anki, but you need to sleep before you can review them again: that's the whole point.

There is a much wider problem here, a culture of goals and optimising your life and glowing up, and to be honest, I find it disturbing. I think that for a very long time my language learning metrics were a stand-in, a relic, for the kinds of unhealthy and obsessively perfectionist thinking that gave me an eating disorder. How many of us truly believe - genuinely, with every inch of our heart - that we are better people if we 'better' ourselves? Learn more. Exercise more. Study more. How do you feel about yourself at the end of a day, exhausted, because you've completed day 75/100? Do you feel better about yourself because you've achieved? I'm guessing that you do.

For many people - including for myself - this wider culture has spilled over into their hobbies. Hobbies like language learning in particular are a target for this because they are so easily quantifiable - and we are encouraged, if we want to succeed, to quantify them. How else will we know how to improve?

Over the last few years, after burning out, after living off grid and without wifi and doing extreme minimalism and a lot of other lifestyle experiments to try and understand why modern life is so fucking hard, it's become clear that most systems of 'productivity' measure 'optimisation' by getting the most done in a day, but they don't stop to question whether you should be doing those things at all.

They don't stop to ask: what matters? They don't stop to ask: why am I trying to write a novel, finish my dissertation, pursue a romantic relationship, get healthy, learn ice-skating, learn to cook, look after my aging parents, and learn guitar at the same time? They don't ask: how do I prioritise, and where do I find silence? They ask: how do I cram more time in the day? They don't ask: how do I slow time down? They don't ask: how can I know what matters, if I never give myself space to think?

In other words: 'productivity' in language learning is measured by 'busy-work', by how much you can see from the surface.

You can't measure how well the learning is going, exactly, but you can measure how many hours a day you show up and grind. Whether or not that struggle is the best use of your time, or whether you're spending the time on things that will truly bring you value and quality, is a different question altogether.

And it's not one most 'productivity culture' will ever ask.

There will be things in your language learning journey that, to borrow from self-help terminology, no longer serve you. Habits and relics and resources and mindsets that worked for you once, or no longer did. Those books that are too advanced that you feel like you 'should' be able to read. That textbook that's been sitting beside your bed for a year. That habit of scrolling social media in your target language that was helpful when you were at a more intermediate level, but does little for you now that you're advanced.

Take stock of these. Simplify. Do less, but do it better. Productivity culture never stops to ask: what can I do without? It always asks, instead: how can I do more? But maybe - just maybe - the way to do more is to focus on fewer things, but do them well.

Multi-tasking isn't multi-tasking, but switching quickly between different focuses of attention. The average American owns 300,000 things, and watches television for 4-5 hours a day. On average, if you are distracted, it takes you 20 minutes to reach the same level of deep focus: but the average American office worker opens an email within six seconds of receiving it. Are you any better with your phone? How much time do you spend there? If you meditate, that's wonderful, but do you have any time to let yourself think? To walk and to understand how to feel? I don't want to sound like a boomer, but: can you name the birds? Do you live in a place, not just a room?

Stop trying to be 'productive'. Do less. Do it well.

I am now facing a wall in my learning of Chinese, and I'm still not sure how to get around it. The reason for this is because so much of the advice I gave others around language learning, and so much of the advice I found online, is focused on this sort of optimisation. But I no longer want to be listening to something, to be watching something, every second of every day. I have a partner to love and a house to appreciate and I want to spend time, humming and pleasant, alone with my thoughts, and it's summer, dear diary, and I don't want to stay indoors. Routines can keep you afloat, but they can also drown you. Do something different. Do something new. Do something that is not productive, that produces nothing, idle away, walk to work without music and perhaps when you sit down to your language learning that evening, you'll be filled with a renewed vigour and love for it. Do it because you love it, not because you scheduled it in your calendar.

A lesson, related, from my martial arts teacher. He said:

If you are tired, do not train. If you do not train, rest. 'Rest' does not mean go on your phone.

The same principle applies here. If you are tired of learning, which you may well be, rest. Not going on your phone, not watching Netflix. I mean taking a walk and sitting under the tree and looking at the patterning of the sky. I mean lying with your dog and absently scratching his tummy. If you're tired, and you have the luxury to stop - stop. Let yourself be tired. Don't drink caffeine. Sleep.

Last year, I was able to write 340,000 words of fiction because I focused on one thing: writing my book. Apart from things that I literally needed to do to survive and maintain my health and relationships around me, I didn't set a single other to-do. My daily list looked like: write for three hours. Not a word limit. Not exercise, though I ended up doing that, not learning a language. I imagine that if I had tried to focus on Chinese at the same time that I wouldn't have achieved anywhere near half the result. I still learnt Chinese, a very decent amount - I went to China and Taiwan for three months in total! - but I did it because I wanted to, of a whim, on a Sunday, something fun. It wasn't a must, or anything I was forcing myself to do. Many days I didn't do any Chinese at all. It was so immensely freeing to be able to think, at 11am: I'm finished for today. Even when I was at work, because I knew I was just there to pay the rent, I felt serene. Stressed on a day-to-day level, certainly, because all work is stressful, but - there wasn't any striving. I just did the best I could. And that was enough.

I am writing this, now, as I come out of my first ever information-overload burnout. I've burnt out, but I've never experienced one of these before: even looking at a book, at a phone, physically hurt my eyes. I couldn't bear to listen to people speak and would lock myself away in my room. I physically felt I could not talk, and had to take extensive time off work. Even looking at a pen and a blank page was too much; listening to podcasts was too much; reading the instructions for dinner was too much too. The only way I could heal was by doing absolutely nothing at all. That period shocked me deeply, because it showed me how absolutely dependent I was on having some input of information all of the time. No wonder I was tired.

I know, now, that there are lots of movements built around this same idea, by frustrated learners all over the world: the growing realisation that metrics and Excel and polylogger and tracking tracking tracking can't be the only way to learn. That a list of the number of books you've read in one year is hardly indicative of how well you understood those books, and what you learned from them. You've read 20 books this year already - good job. When do you think about them? What time do you spend on reflection? Why did you choose those books? Which chapters, and which characters, hit you the hardest? Why?

Minimalism, deep work, 'monk mode', essentialism, every writer's dream to run away and write in a cabin in the woods, slow learning, Buddhism, Stoicism, Marie Kondo-ism, the art of less, project 333, my no-buy-year, slow fashion, slow food, slow travel:

What all of these philosophies have in common is the idea that doing things deliberately ('mindfully') means 1) doing things slowly, 2) doing things well, and 3) doing things one at a time.

I am now at a place in my life where I understand the value of time alone with my thoughts. I don't want to listen to podcasts every minute of the waking day, because I need time to think about them. I need time to let the ideas for my novel grow in the dark. Nothing can be heard in noise; so make space for silence. I am a member of the real, living, breathing world, and that means I cannot devote 8 hours a day to Chinese television shows like I could when I was 20. I have to call my father. I have to do the dishes. I want to flex my creative muscles in other ways. Alternatively - I no longer believe that my worth is tied up inherently with how well I do my hobbies.

You're just some guy. There's freedom in that. You, my friend - you suck <3

Let yourself be bad. Let yourself be mediocre. Let yourself 'slide backwards' or regress, because all that means is that you're putting focus somewhere else. It'll come back. It always does.

I'm no longer comfortable, therefore, with the way that the language learning community tackles productivity. Please don't misunderstand; a lot of us have time spare that we could use to do things 'better' for us. I know. But I just believe now that getting rid of things, like the time you spend on your phone, is going to be more helpful in the long run than trying to force yourself into some gruelling, achievement-centric regime that collapses from within after two months of struggle and self-flagellation.

The other realisation I have had is just how much happier I am spending more time being alive, really alive, and less time in front of a screen. For a language like German or Gaelic that's much easier, because you can study with books, but with Chinese you always have to study to some extent with audios, flashcards, computers. Especially if - like me - you can read novels without a dictionary, but cannot handwrite even your Chinese name. So where next?

I don't have any answers. I'm not sure how to pair the two things together, to be honest, because almost all of my language learning has traditionally made use of technology. It's all been goal-orientated, systems-orientated, and despite the fact that I've failed at using these systems every day for years, despite the fact that Anki has NEVER worked for me, despite the fact that I have spent hundreds if not thousands of pounds on courses here, there, a wealth of overwhelm and five thousand words saved on Pleco, did I read that right? Five thousand. No wonder I'm stressed.

Regardless of happiness, it's much easier to achieve a state of deep focus and work when you're not online. After my period of information burnout, I feel actual physical pain from the weight of choices online. It's exhausting. I'm watching a Chinese show, but I want to go on tumblr. I'm on tumblr, but I feel guilty for not watching the Chinese show. I'm constantly torn between doing this and that, never fully committing to anything, seeing a post by Lindie Botes and thinking, damn, she's good. I should be better. But I don't want to compare myself to her. Do you know what? She is good. I admire her immensely. But I don't want to judge my self-worth by some imagined scale of productivity anymore - and, the more time passes, the more I'm not sure what 'productivity' in the context of language learning even means.

Try slow, focused, deep learning. You might just find it works.

There's something refreshing, almost counter-cultural, anti-capitalist, anti-consumerist, anti-rat-race, about this thought. Slow learning. I think there's an answer here, somewhere. It's a problem I've been dancing around for a while; and do you remember how you learnt your first foreign language? For me, it was on the floor, absolutely absorbed in German comic books, flicking through the dictionary furiously and scribbling things down in a notebook. I only had one book, and one dictionary, and one grammar book. I want to go back to that sort of simplicity. There was joy in that.

One again: I don't have any answers. I don't know exactly what direction this blog is going to go in, as I wrestle with these sorts of meta-problems. I'd love to hear your thoughts. And for now, if there's one thing I'd like you to take away from this long and frankly absurdly rambling post (thank you for bearing with me!) it's an alternative answer for the question I get so often, about what you can do to learn the language when you're tired, because:

Yes, you could watch reality TV shows in Chinese, or you could give yourself permission to be human. You could rest.

Thanks guys. Meichenxi out <3

#langblr #language learning #languages #productivity #productivitytips #^ tagging it with all of the above so it reaches the target audience of stressed out 17 year olds #my dudes. my guys. you are loved. or if you are not now - you will be #all will be well

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etheries1015 · 9 months ago

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Dear writer whose writings I love,

HEYYO. IT'S ME AGAIN. (I sent the Lilia using u as a stress relief you ask heheheha!!)

SO LIKE IMAGINE THIS (unrequited love that is actually requited love!)

You're on a "date" with Lilia to the gardens. (You wish)

And then you get to the Gardina section of the flowers and show it to him, knowing fully of what it means. (You hope, yet also don't hope he gets what's you're trying to say)

[FUN FACT: Gardenias are elegant and fragrant flowers that have long been associated with love, romance, and admiration. They are often used to express a secret or hidden love, as their sweet scent and delicate petals can be seen as a symbol of devotion and affection that is not openly expressed. The gardenia’s white or pale yellow petals are said to represent the purity and sincerity of a love that is kept hidden, while the intoxicating fragrance symbolizes the passion and intensity of the feelings that are being concealed. Gardenias are also often associated with mystery and secrecy, making them the perfect flower to symbolize a love that is kept hidden from the rest of the world. They have been used in literature and poetry for centuries to represent the hidden desires and passions of characters who cannot express their feelings openly]

SSSOOOOOOO

This can go SO. MANY. WAYS.

He doesn't know and does nothing. This ends up in you making a poem about Gardina flowers to him, and he does something after that, taking the hint. (Good ending! With proposal and stuff and hehe fluff!! I love fluff)

He knows and asks you directly. (PLS GIVE THIS A GOOD ENDING. IDK HOW TO CONTINUE)

My brain is now fried again. Please expand. I will request every time my brain power suddenly shoots up. Goodbye, and see you again next time.

-🦇

Hello lovely! Yes yes, you actually revealed yourself to me after I answered that ask! Heuheu. No need to be anon! However, if that it what you prefer, I shall not convince you otherwise <3

ANYWAYS I have ALWAYS loved the notion of flowers having meanings and their beautiful poems that come in toe with their vibrant petals. It's truly a wonderful thing, I really wanna study them more. Fun fact! My favorite flower is a peony! I have a tattoo on my shoulder of a peony! ...in slue with an entire sleeve of random flowers, my tattoo artist just made up. Maybe the other arm I'll use for more structural floral... sorry for the tangent DHKFJSLDjf I love flowers. Thank you for this ask heuehueheue

Ahhhhhhh the idea of going out to a garden with Lilia...

I actually like to have this little headcannon that since Malleus is so interested in flowers and gardening, that perhaps he got that from Lilia. Flowers are our friends, after all! And what's better than making an entire garden of little friends to nourish? Along with creating a beautiful garden of roses, Malleus had delved deep into the world of floral poetry and representation.

You grab onto Lilias hand and pull him towards the back of ramshackle to show off the garden you and Malleus had placed together. Malleus was truly your wing man during this entire thing, he had vast knowledge about flowers and knew just the ones to plant In one large romantic gesture for the old fae. Malleus had landed you books and helped you study their different meanings, even taking time out of gargoyle studies club to dedicate gardening your surprise for Lilia.

"What has gotten you so eager, little bat?" Lilia chuckled, "Must truly be grand if you're so worked up like this!" You couldn't hide your excitement or giddiness as you headed towards the gate leading to the garden, a large black intricately designed gate in that perfectly suited the chicness of the dorm. Upon opening the gates, it revealed a large grandiose garden full of flowers of all sorts. Lilia's eyes widened as well as a toothy grin climbing onto his features, raising an impressed eyebrow.

"So this is what you and Malleus have been working so hard on?" He inquired, stepping forward and taking a look around, "I must say, it's rather an impressive feat! The sheer size is almost enough to rival Malleus's own rose garden back at the castle." You smiled brightly at him and skipped over to a particular patch you were proud of; Gardenias.

"These are Gardenias!" You pursed your lips as you bent over and grabbed something you had prepped before hand, taking hold of a neatly wrapped bouquet of gardenias and with a trembling hand pushing them in the arms of the fae. Lilia started slightly and took a gentle sniff of the flowers taking in their creamy sweet scent that reminded him of coconuts and peach. "They...they're for you!" You smiled.

"Oh they're lovely," Lilia said, "I presume you and Malleus are particularly proud of these ones! They bloomed wonderfully. I shall put them in my room!...oh, but I suppose they will need sunlight. Perhaps keeping them in Silvers care may be better..." You felt your heart drop and smile twitch ever so slightly. Pursing your lips you let out a dry nervous chuckle, tilting your head in awkwardness.

"I..Uh," You bit down your bottom lip, "Well, they were for you," You let out a breathy laugh.

"Of course! However I'm worried they may wilt in my care and you worked so hard! Hmm. Oh! I could put them in the lounge, so that everyone can see yours and Malleus's hard work!" You couldn't even bother to explain to him you were the one to nurture these flowers on your own upon Malleu's recommendation. He swore that Lilia would understand the meaning...it was common for fae folk to be knowledgeable on the world of flowers. Either Malleus Lied to you, which was unlikely, or Lilia was a part of the percentage that truly hadn't a clue.

You began to sweat bullets. Throughout this entire exchange, you weren't certain he understood your intentions. Or... was he purposefully deflecting the fact you had mainly meant this as a surprise for him? Was he thinking you were simply making excuses to hang out with Malleus? Or was he just that oblivious? It was rather distressing, for you already had an inkling that Lilia had not returned your feelings, and this only solidified your worries.

You began to wilt like a flower without water, your energy dying and your smiles becoming fake. You tried a few more times to hand him flowers, such as a singular rose (symbolizing love at first sight, a "one and only" in which the person you gift you give your heart to.) He insisted on taking a few more to decorate the lounge with.

This plan was failing terribly.

Finally, you let out a loud groan of frustration, pulling out a sheet of paper from your pocket with a burst of confidence and embarrassment. Your face took on a bright shade of red, pushing the letter into his chest. Lilia struggled to catch it with his hands full of flowers, eyes wide in bewilderment at this sudden display you put on. He stared in shock and confusion, unable to get a word out before you bolted out of the garden and to the dorm.

"Read that later!" You cried out.

"W-wait- what is-" He attempted to catch your attention, yet you were already out of view, leaving the fae utterly confused standing in the middle of the garden with arms full of flowers.

You threw yourself onto your bed and grasped your pillow, curling into a ball and groaning into it.

"eh? What's up with you?" Grim asked, "And what's this piece of paper?"

You sat up in a rush with wide eyes, staring at a piece of paper that you seemingly dropped from your person. You grabbed hold of it and took a look. It was the second page of the letter you had given Lilia... and undeniably the most important part. The first page detailed the history of flowers and how they have significance to them

the second page was the meanings of the flowers and why you chose them for the fae.

It was your confession.

You had forgotten to hand it to him in your flustered state.

You screamed into the pillow.

~ At Diasomnia ~

Lilia sat in the dorm lounge, reading over the page you had given him.

"Hmm...I knew flowers had meanings, but this letter seems unfinished. This is simply prefacing the history of flowers and that they hold meaning with a simple poem at the end, but the definitions they mentioned would be on the second page seem to be missing..." Lilia rubbed his head in confusion turning the paper around to find some sort of indication of continuation, Malleus walking in on the fae. Malleus flashed a mischievous smile.

"How did the visit to the garden go?" He inquired, "You seem confused rather than elated as I thought you would be..did something go ary?" He pointed out. Lilia shrugged and looked back at the tall draconic fae, tilting his head.

"I thought it was going well, (y/n) even handed me a bunch of flowers to bring back, along with this letter..." Lilia took a gander at the vase full of Gardenias and glanced back down at the letter in which stated every flower has a significant meaning.

"Malleus, could you tell me what Gardenias mean? I believe (y/n) meant to explain it to me, but the second half of this letter is missing." Malleus raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you would know?" Malleus furrowed his eyebrows, grabbing hold of the letter and skimming through its contents.

"Of course not. I like flowers of course, but I never took the time to truly study them as you did. I haven't a clue about definitions and things of the sort." The color seemed to drain from Malleus's face at realizing his mistake, before making his way to the gardenias and gently touching a petal from its bloom. He took a deep breath before giving a detailed explanation of their meaning: Passion, love romance, secrecy... Malleus explained the flower was to express a secret love that the prefect held for Lilia. Something that clearly went way over the old man's head.

Lilias's jaw was dropped to the ground, before quickly disappearing in a fog of green smoke.

He had to get the other half of that letter.

#Twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland headcannons #twst headcannons #twst x reader #Lilia #Lilia headcannons #Lilia Vanrouge headcannons #Lilia x reader #Lilia vanrouge x reader

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nohoperadio · 5 months ago

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I want there to be a website similar to Genius, for annotating song lyrics (and poems and public domain texts and whatever else you want to do with that tech), but instead of each song having one page that just shows the "consensus" annotations, each user would have their own personal page for each song they annotate. So I would have my page with my annotations about Source Decay by the Mountain Goats and you would have your page for yours, and there'd be no such thing as the page for Source Decay by the Mountain Goats that just houses the top-voted contributions (or however it works on Genius, I think it's slightly more complicated but w/e). (Actually there would be a version of "the page" for each song but it wouldn't work like Genius, more on this in a sec.)

Genius is often very good at providing the kind of basic factual information that can't possibly be controversial (the song mentions a town, the annotation mentions that the songwriter lived in that town briefly during 2008, whatever), and it's often very good as a place to collect quotes from interviews of what the band has to say about each song, but on the whole Genius is not as fun to browse as it should be, and I think that's largely because the wiki-like structure prevents it from channeling more than a small portion of the passion and interpretive creativity of, say, songmeanings.com, a once-active site that Genius largely killed and replaced, but it still exists and if you check out old comment sections you can find a lot more rambling and theorycrafting (and crucially, a lot more bad ideas, which are vitally important to any kind of interesting conversation about art).

You will find some of that more speculative stuff on Genius, it's not just for factual background, but the fact that space is inherently limited and everyone's annotation is in competition with everyone else's does not make this impulse thrive. The least weird contributions tend to win out. If you want to add your idea about a particular line, but someone else has already annotated it, your options are: a) "propose an edit" to their annotation that incorporates your own ideas (awkward!), b) try to write your own annotation and have it displace theirs entirely as the thing that comes up when you click the line (you'll feel like a dick even if you're successful at this), or c) leave your thoughts as a "comment" on their annotation (Genius hides the comments by default and doesn't make the button to open them at all conspicuous, but even if that weren't the case your "comment" would still be lower in the hierarchy than their "annotation", and implicitly framed as a reply to the latter).

In my vision nobody's annotation would compete with anyone else's, the annotations are (what they mostly are when made in physical books remember!) more for the writer's benefit than for any other reader, and unconstrained by the responsibility implied in the wiki-ish project of contributing to a public resource you would be free to pursue whatever interpretive rabbit holes strike your fancy, fill each page dissecting evidence for how this record that definitely wasn't intended as a concept album is actually a concept album, fill them with entirely personal connections like how this line reminds you of a weird thing you saw in your Grandma's attic when you were ten, do whatever you want. Other people can come and leave comments on your stuff appreciating your brilliance/sending you death threats if you choose to enable that option, the way I'm imagining it this would actually be a big part of the life of the site and if all went to plan it would actually feel something akin to a social media site some of the time, but that side of it would be secondary to the main goal of each user having a place to house their own thoughts about songs in an organized, presentable, public way.

The site should make it easy to discover the annotation pages of other users writing about stuff you're interested in, the "main page" for each band and then each song would be a sort of hub for accessing other people's pages who have made annotations for that. If it had any substantial userbase this might benefit from some mechanism whereby the community identifies people who are writing particularly interesting stuff and makes those people a bit more visible, although I'd want this to be more subtle than a list ordered by likes/upvotes/whatever, and I'd want there to be some way to show off the range of different ways of using the site, with some people being more diaristic/personal on there, some people doing something like real scholarship (perhaps sometimes on a more ambitious scale than actually-existing Genuis allows for), some people might be doing something more spiritually akin to fanfiction.

I know that this site would be fascinating for (at least) me to browse if it existed and was active; I'm unsure whether there'd be enough interest to make it active. I think it's possible. There's a bunch of you guys I'd like to follow on there if it existed and if you were doing it.

#uninteresting #nohopelistenio #posts where I tried #(is my new tag for things that would be tagged “effortposts” if that weren't an inherently embarrassing thing to claim them as)

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kerryweaverlesbian · 24 days ago

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A friend of mine asked for advice on writing a poem so, I figured I'd share it more widely. This is how I personally tend to go through the process (although sometimes poems just come in a stream of consciousness and I'm like damn where'd you come from???)

This gets long so, under the cut

To me, a poem is circling around an idea through building a structure, so:

1. Figure out a key idea that connects two things together("smoke is a metaphor for hidden places" + "Mary Supernatural's relationship to motherhood" = "Mary Supernatural's hidden feelings about motherhood explored through the metaphor of a house fire")

OR a scene where something very sensory is happening ("eating a live octopus", "running on a cold day")

2. Write a short paragraph of whatever comes into my head as I think about that. Connections to other works, random lines, images, concepts. The ideas can be cliché and shit and not be used in the final piece!!

I'll do one rn for the octopus concept:

"What could the octopus be a metaphor for? Struggling to create a piece of work? Like how I rotate pieces of media around in my head for a while sometimes without getting a clear thought on them, as I am with Mouthwashing right now. The struggling kick of life. A life without hands, only senses. A constant reaching forever. Maybe a squid would be better, it releases cloudy ink...? But it's not as big as an octopus. Poem speaker confused between squid and octopus. The sensation of being strangled from the inside by the octopus tentacles. Fighting against yourself and your own instincts to give up. Tears forming as ideas form. Salt and copper. The tongue is kind of like a tentacle in itself. 'I swallow it, until it becomes mine'."

^ this helps solidify the ideas of the poem without having to battle through 3 or 4 drafts while looking at a blank page willing ideas to come out. Sometimes I just do that part in my head but it can be helpful to refer back.

What I love about poetry is that you can just skip to the exciting bit! You don't need a bunch of characters or scene descriptions or dialogue. It can all be the bit that makes you go hell yeah cool cool cool!! (<- guy who finds literary analysis cool)

3. Whichever of those ideas speak to you, use some to write a first stanza. The rhythm can be whatever sounds good in your head:

"I'm eating an octopus

(Live)

With gusto,

It's fighting me back but I bite."

So now we have an established rhythm! For this one it's

7 syllables [no comma]

(a short aside)

3 syllables,

8 syllables.

Now for the rest of the poem I can use that same rhythm, which keeps me focused. If you don't want to come up with your own rhythm, there's plenty of established poetry rhythms and rhyme schemes, if you google "types of poem" they will appear as if by magic. And of course you don't have to use a pattern at all. Again, this is just what I do.

To be clear, I don't tend to literally count out the syllables, you can feel what the rhythm is by saying the poem out loud (which you should do FREQUENTLY as you write to make sure the emPHAsis doesn't go ON the WRONG word). There's poetry terms for emphasis but I don't know them because I only did up to AS level poetry 😉

If you ever find the rhythm isn't working, change it. It's your poem. Do whatever you want. Changing the rhythm can also be used to show "this is a change/escalation in idea". It's a song with a bridge.

4. Keep talking about different parts of the metaphor in that structure:

"The tentacles writhing

(I chew, I chew)

A battle,

A hunt for the truth.

The hinge of my jaw

(It hurts, it hurts)

Unkindly,

I stick in my tooth."

^ I often slip into rhyming, this also helps not get stuck thinking of literally any word from the english language that could be used. As Monica from FRIENDS says, "rules help control the fun!"

"The [something] of muscle,

(My tongue? Its leg?)

My burden,

My begging for proof."

^ my close personal friend square brakets when I can't think of a description this instant! Wooo!

"[Some sort of 5th stanza that has an end rhyme for proof, maybe with the "salt and copper" concept?]

I'm eating an octopus

(Live)

But I'm winning

It's hard, but it's worth it, the fight."

^As you can see I added an extra syllable for the second to last line, you gotta just listen to your heart sometimes. When ending things I like to harken back to the beginning! It can be a little cheesey sometimes but that's okay, poems are allowed to be cheesey!

That's my general approach. Something that really, really helps with writing poetry is also... reading poetry. You get to experience a lot of rhythms and rhyme schemes and ways of talking about ideas and how different poets use the foundation of a poem to express their meanings. Reading this poem back, I was writing spontaneously but I can very clearly see influences of A A Milne (my mum's favourite poet!), The Jellyfish by Marianne Moore and my dear friend @lesbianjoannaharvelle 's poem I wish I could draw for the theme of wrestling with creativity. Our works are in conversation! Isn't that cool!!

Anyway. Kiss kiss.

#poetry writing #cawis commentary

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dvilsdesire · 2 months ago

Text

Some in depth character analysis... (:

This is going to get long... as I do a bit of a character analysis on Haarlep with little bits of Raphael as well. I will likely go on tangents if they come to me, so please be aware that there is likely no solid structure as I ramble!

Please note that this is ALL speculation and headcanon as there is no way of analysing a character's full potential when you only see a few moments of them in game, let alone Haarlep's relationship with Raphael when you don't even get to see them interact outside of Haarlep's small comments and end-game letter.

Know that there is also no right and no wrong, and I will be exploring both sides and "what if" scenarios. These are just some things I want to expand upon, and we are all entitled to different opinions and headcanons. That's the beauty of getting to explore and delve into characters that are given no depth to them--you can make them your own!

First and foremost, it should be noted that DnD lore on incubus has flip flopped over the editions. Where they were once strictly demons, they were then turned to devils, and now they are recognised as simply "fiends". Haarlep, in game, is a fiend, and his race is incubus. Again... be your OWN DM... do what makes you happy, that's the beauty of DnD (but also remember that Larian itself have their own set of rules and lore that they made up which may have separated them from DnD lore as well, and that's not a bad thing! The more creativity, the better imo, especially in a world like FR).

I personally write Haarlep as a devil aligned fiend who leans towards more chaotic than lawful evil, but that's just me! Toss in a little demon bloodline, especially with the Queen of Succubus, and play around a little!

Okay, let's get into Haarlep! (potentially triggering content)

I'm going to go through this in order of Haarlep's scene. There was a really neat theory that was shared HERE about how Haarlep starts off with a poem as they are introduced. Is this something that the devs simply used as trickery so we THINK it's Raphael in the bed (even though it clearly says Haarlep)?

Also note how Haarlep uses the term "Mouse", the one that Raphael has been calling the player the whole time. A coincidence? Or is this proof that Haarlep is aware of what is going on with Raphael and his potential client? Is this rhyming corruption simply from being within the HoH or something that Haarlep has picked up from via time spent with Raphael? All of these things fascinate me, because as a devil, and Raphael who is quite literally meant to symbolise the real world devil (there is a lot of symbolism with Raphael and Satan/Lucifer imo but that's not something I'll delve into here), or are they just trying to lead us into a false sense of security that this is just Raphael playing his games (despite the name on the subtitles)?

Maybe it's an outer moment of we know as the player, but our actual PC doesn't know. Which gives us the opportunity to play around a little with them, which is also cool. But the idea that Haarlep also says a little poem and speaks in such a devilish manner, is a nice little touch and a reminder OF Raphael as well.

Then, of course, the player themselves, identifies Haarlep as Raphael, despite the youthful look (I'll delve into this later).

What interests me is Haarlep's response if you actually say this. He seems amused that you'd even THINK he's Raphael, despite his obvious visage. The pride of an incubus, perhaps? Haarlep simply toying with you and making this encounter last longer by the way he speaks so slowly and playfully? Luring you in, one question and curiosity at a time.

Haarlep genuinely seems interested in WHY you are there, yet if we go from line one where they're calling you a thief... it pretty much indicates that he knows you're there when you're not supposed to be (which makes entire sense since the whole HoH has its own riddles and games you need to play to get inside rooms under lock and key). Even to get into the boudoir, you require an invitation (though Raphael clearly forgot that he left his door to the balcony wide open and there's rock formation you can traverse lol--things like this are PURELY game mechanics, and I don't think they should be read into deeply. It's a game, your player NEEDS access, whether it's getting it the hard way, the lawful way, or outright breaking in lol).

If you lie to Haarlep and claim it's a botched teleportation spell, he instantly sees through you, you don't even get the chance for a saving check on this. No matter what, Haarlep knows you're not supposed to be there. However, he wants to know WHY you're there.

Interestingly enough, Haarlep's voice is very aggressive when you lie to him, especially when the first introduction is all sweet and breathy. This comes down to control, imo (which we also learn that Haarlep is the dominant role in the bedroom, or at least a top--more on that as I go). Genuinely, though, it feels like Haarlep is very displeased if someone lies to his face, though being the incubus they are, will also give you a chance to respond truthfully before he decides your fate--this is something I also see Raphael do. Even if you attack him in your first meeting, he gives you a second chance (and a third if I recall? He only tells you the deal is off if you attack him in Sharess' Caress and kicks you out of the Devil's Den--tho correct me if I'm wrong as I'm focusing on Haarlep here).

So is this typical devil behaviour and something we can expect from devils, to give you a second chance so they can get the information they want? I'd say yes. Especially if they DO want to know. Haarlep is more than happy to kill you if you don't give him what he wants, so it seems pretty standard for devil practice, and of course, he returns to being softly spoken again, almost immediately, like it's second nature. Or is this something he has simply learned from being around Raphael for so long?

If Raphael does give you a third chance, guess what? So does Haarlep. You can lie to him (though exposed instantly), and then outright tell him you refuse to tell him why you're there, and he gives you the final chance:

Obviously, fantastic that the player can really choose what they want to do, but there's also been far quicker battles in game. Haarlep really is trying to get that information from you (and your soul no doubt). If we wanted to delve deeper (I did say what ifs!), we could also question if this is just Haarlep being playful or lazy. Does he really care to go to the effort to kill, or would he rather just get some useful information? Is he threatening the player so he can just be done with his game, have sex with the player and let them leave so he can just add their glamour to the collection? Who knows! It's all under speculation.

Haarlep's health in battle, if you choose to fight him, is also 169, whereas DnD monster manual has them at 66HP. Haarlep is a stronger incubus, and at 169HP, it's much greater! Again, is this scaled up just due to game mechanics? Or something else? Makes sense by the time you delve into the HoH, a HP of 66 isn't that challenging anymore. I did do a little hc post about my thoughts HERE. Funnily enough, there was also THIS about Haarlep being titled as a courtesan.

Moving on to if you tell Haarlep the truth about why you're there. I find his response here to be very interesting, especially in the way he seems to drop the sensuality for a moment. The thoughtfulness and pause to Haarlep as he likely recognises who you are now.

The facial expression changes also, to something more concerned looking. Of course, this could all be a facade, especially as we know that Haarlep absolutely gives you the Hammer if you're willing to sleep with them.

Not the usual plucky, jovial Haarlep that is being seen, but a moment of thoughtfulness as the creature no doubt ponders what the next move could be. Perhaps Haarlep is even contemplating what Raphael would do if things were out of his control? If Tav was killed.

I often DO wonder how Raphael would react if the game ended where Haarlep killed the PC. Would he be furious that his means to get the crown is entirely fucked now? Would he just go that's frustrating but I'll get it another way? Haarlep, no doubt, would be in a lot of trouble, but it seems that either Haarlep doesn't actually care (because he knows Raphael can't really resist him anyway), or he might just get the crown another way.

Whatever the case, Haarlep does seem to entirely underestimate the powers of Tav an Co, because he attacks them if you don't comply, and I doubt he thought even if they DID get the Hammer, they weren't going to get through Raphael (Haarlep likely is playing his own game, in where yes, sure you can take the Hammer now that I have gotten what I wanted, but that doesn't mean you'll be able to leave). Once the Hammer is taken, the entire HoH becomes hostile, meaning Haarlep LIKELY knew this, and didn't think you were going to actually kill his master.

IS he outright betraying Raphael, or is he just... shortsighted? All of this is entirely up to speculation of course, but Haarlep would 110% be aware of the fact that Raphael is the son of Mephistopheles, and there is no denying that Raphael is the HARDEST boss battle of the entire game, even if you CAN power shot him with your super builds. There is no denying that Raphael's boss battle is difficult, and he would be considered one of the most powerful fights in the entire game (which is so insane to think about since you can SKIP the entire thing or just outright MISS it). So why WOULDN'T Haarlep think that Tav and co would get fucked by him in a fight, when Haarlep has likely witnessed Raphael's wrath and fury before? When we speak of this betrayal from Haarlep, there's no telling that his actual intentions were.

So... was Haarlep being a typical devil, scheming and getting what he wanted just to win both ways by believing Raphael would have bested Tav and friends (even if it didn't turn out that way in the end)? Or was he betraying Raphael because he just didn't care? OR, a third option, was he making sure Raphael wouldn't get the crown because his true master is Mephistopheles? By stealing the Hammer, there was no deal that Raphael would GET the crown in turn. There's so many things we could assume and guess, but the fact is... we don't know, because Larian never told us, and that's okay! Because that's what fanfiction is for.

As we move the scene along, Haarlep finally introduces himself. We all know that Haarlep is an anagram for Raphael, which in itself is fascinating. Where did Haarlep get the name? WHO named him? Is Raphael so in love with himself that he named his personal incubus after himself? Was it Mephistopheles? As some kind of joke? Was it Haarlep themselves? What does interest me is is how Haarlep explained that he's not just glamoured as Raphael's image, but he's transfigured. I feel like this makes it something more permanent, or even as a base setting.

I love the idea of True Form Haarlep, personally (and it is my general go to with my writing), but I DID say what if's above, and this is one of them. What if Haarlep HAS no true form? What if his form is now FIXED as Raphael as a base form (we know he can still take on other forms since yours and Haarlep says out loud he has a collection), but what IF? What IF? We just don't know...

I wanted to delve into this line next, because someone pointed out something interesting which I actually wanted to delve into deeper with it:

You might be going "no you're not, you don't look like Raphael as he does now". Well, you are correct. However, I do have a theory behind this as well. As we know in canon lore, cambions generally stop ageing in their 20's. Funnily enough... Haarlep looks around that age, which is where I personally headcanon that they first met and first slept together, when Haarlep was gifted to Raphael. That's not to say Haarlep can't change to Raphael's current, more mature, visage (or even his human form). But when Haarlep says he's the PERFECT copy, I do feel like there's some burn to that, that Raphael is reminded that HE has aged and is no longer that perfect resemblance of what he once was.

There's also a fannon theory going around that Raphael's more mature look is actually a farce, and that he uses it to appear more mature to get souls, etc. That's a really interesting take, and I love it (how manipulative of him and that works!), but my personal headcanons? Raphael is no mere cambion. Raphael is the son of Mephistopheles, and we know nothing about his mother (as mother's die at childbirth). She could have been anyone! Mephistopheles is an Archdevil, and Mephisto also looks more middle aged in most of his pics. It makes sense to me that Raphael would age more compared to other cambions simply because of his more potent bloodline and the fact that he is the son of someone so powerful. This could be a symbol of something amongst devilkind even. We know that Antilia (Raphael's half sister and Mephisto's daughter), though pretty no doubt, is described to look a lot like Mephisto.

So, my theory is that Haarlep is the appearance of Raphael when they FIRST had sex, and when he first consumed Raphael's glamour, and he wears it proudly, and no doubt Raphael keeps Haarlep around like that as a reminder of how youthful and beautiful he was. I'm not saying Raphael isn't a silver fox (he is), and Raphael still considers himself attractive, but it's like looking at your younger self when you've lost some of that edge, and you wish you could be there again. It's almost torment, which... just fits with devils, especially Raphael being such a complex character.

Some people have pointed out that there are some different structures within Haarlep and Raphael's face. Yes, there are. These are actually the things that change with age. The most obvious to me, is the ears. Raphael's are larger. This is legitimately something that happens with age. So is the structure and plumpness of cheeks (as someone who works in healthcare, these are things I see every day with patients). Even myself if I look at a pic of me 10 years ago.

(If I could mod, I would get the same screencap to compare, but for now...)

All things that come with age are (within humans):

Larger ears, wrinkles, less fat around the face and skin that becomes less plump and taut, (particularly cheeks, chin and eyes), and the thinning of lips and complexion paling. These are all exactly what Raphael has in comparison to Haarlep.

A little note on Raph's nose is that the distortion COULD be caused by changes in cartilage over the years, OR... it could be someone punched Raph in the face and it permanently got fucked after he'd been with Haarlep (whatever the case, it's still beautiful!). I still like to think someone punched him tho >.> lol.

You're looking at at least... 20 odd years between these two, tho. Raphael is said to look middle aged (in his 50's), and Haarlep, to me, looks about... 26-28 with those small wrinkles at his forehead and crows feet when he smiles?

I can't say the technical details of who designed this in game? But they did a phenomenal job on what they actually aged (or deaged for Haarlep's encounter). I have no idea if they simply used that technology on Raph's original form or what they did for Haarlep, but it's damn good.

I won't go into Raphael's sexuality in this post because it'll add too much to it, but I DO want to in the future. But moving on to Haarlep once you agree to sleep with them. What does interest me is that Haarlep wants to make sure that you're comfortable during the act, which is when the Archduchess comes to play.

Now... this one makes me question a little (and please fill me in as I don't know all DnD lore!). I do understand that incubus/succubus can be seen as interchangeable, and I do understand that once they have a glamour, they can wear it whenever, but I'm not certain about taking on a shape that... doesn't exist? Someone like Orin, who can shift into whoever she pleases on a whim without having lain with them, is that something that incubus share as well, but that brings in the question why bother sleeping with someone to take their glamour if you don't need to (outside of the fact that they are beings of sex ofc)?

Haarlep speaks about how they're adding your glamour to their collection and that's basically what they are getting out of this little transaction of yours. This is provided with the following prompts:

This gives the impression that Haarlep requires you to actually verbally VOW that he can have your body... that he can add it to his glamour...

Is that the case, or is Haarlep simply using you and playing games because they WANT to hear you say it? Is this devilry at its finest? Or does an incubus literally require permission to gain that glamour? Like the victim is literally giving up a part of themselves in some wicked contract?

So, please... let me know how it works with Raphael's Archduchess form, OR was this simply something Larian threw in there so the player could feel more comfortable with a choice of female or male? I would love to delve more into this, because I REALLY am curious about how the hell Haarlep got a female version of Raphael, or was this something the devs just thought "We'll give them an option".

Personally, I just feel like without that knowledge, I can't see it outside of a "let's just chuck that in there so they have another option and say Raph is curious at times". But please, please let me know if you do! Some devils of Baator CAN change sex on a whim, but by disrupting the order of the Hells, they are actually punished if they do it, even tho it's entirely allowed and absolutely a-okay to do! The laws of Baator are just very stringent. Being a creature of sex, maybe it's different for incubus and succubus?

Also just a note here, you can call Haarlep he, she, or they. The Narrator, in game characters, all use he when Haarlep is male, she when Haarlep is the Archduchess, and they during some of the Narrator's comments.

Speaking of glamours, though, it has been deciphered what Haarlep's harness says in Infernal, and it says "1000 lover's in 1 body" (link to reddit).

Some people have theorised that this is part of the secret contract that Haarlep was under. Personally... I think it's for nothing but Haarlep to gloat about in the Hells. I think it's entirely an aesthetic and prideful thing and nothing more. We know the devs have scribbled infernal on contracts and it literally says nothing (looking at Raphael's lol), it's all weird junk and silly things, so it's no surprise that they've written something like this on the harness Haarlep wears. Some little inside joke, but also a boast for Haarlep.

Raphael clearly likes to see himself wearing skimpy clothes, so maybe it's even to please Raphael. Maybe it's Raphael knowing that Haarlep has slept with that many others while wearing his face? Who knows. But personally, I really don't think there is anything significant when it comes to this, it's just a good little bit of humour added into the game.

During the sex scene, you will notice that Haarlep's eyes begin to glow throughout the rest of the encounter. I also find this fascinating, and I think it likely comes down to arousal or the power of the act, which when taking the glamour, would be a form of magic or corruption.

Pre sex:

During / post sex:

They are significantly brighter, and remain that way throughout the rest of the encounter. So, could it be the use of charm? Could it be arousal? Could it be the corruption and taking your body? Either way, it's something that I found interesting and I wanted to put here also.

Once the act is done, we get back down to business. This is where you can ask if Raphael is any good in bed. Of course, this is a whoooole debate amongst the fandom, and honestly, I don't think it needs to be taken so seriously. You've got to remember, Haarlep is an incubus, someone that is forged from lust and sex, and has likely slept with waaaaay more people than Raphael (especially if we take it literally when Haarlep says Raphael only wants to sleep with himself). That's a whole different topic, though, and this is Haarlep not even elaborating, just laughing and saying "no". But you're never going to get as good in the sack as an incubus, that likely knows all the trades. This isn't just a skill, it's INSTINCT for someone like Haarlep. Even if Raphael WAS bad in bed, though... what's the big deal? Who cares? I actually think it's something that makes Raphael more realistic, because he has a flaw and someone else is better at something than him. Good, make him feel vulnerable, let him be reminded, and perhaps that is also why Haarlep is kept around, so Raphael can imagine the incubus' prowess as his OWN whilst he wears his face.

Back to where Haarlep could be seen as potentially betraying Raphael by pointing you into the direction of the Orphic Hammer. Once again, like mentioned above yonder (this is getting long), there's no telling where this is coming from. Is this a betrayal? Is this Haarlep being short sighted and not really thinking Tav and Co could kill Raphael once he came back, knowing that the HoH was rigged to attack the moment the Orphic Hammer was taken? Interesting how Haarlep disappears amidst the chaos as well.

There's no saying what Haarlep was thinking, it's all speculation and guessing games, which fits perfectly with a devil, tbh. He's a scheming little shit, just like everyone else in the Nine Hells. Makes perfect sense to me that we don't know his true intentions. Plus, it's literally a 10 minute interaction. You can't possibly understand someone with a 10 minute interaction, you can only guess and assume.

What I do find a little funny is the following:

So we have Haarlep saying that Raphael hides NOTHING from him, and can't (likely because Haarlep wears his face and potentially uses charm on him to get what he wants), but also...

Haarlep gives you the key. To. The. Safe. The safe that he doesn't know what sits inside it... (bullshit).

He literally pulls it out of his arse and just hands it to you. Flat out. So how did Haarlep get the key? Why does HE have access to it? But doesn't know what's inside the safe? Definitely bullshit. He knows what's inside it, and Raphael, who has every door locked and invitations required and a ritual to get inside his house etc... just... hands his safe key to Haarlep? Or doesn't realise Haarlep has stolen it and keeps a copy?

Either way, this line about Raphael telling him everything indicates that Haarlep and Raphael talk to each other. Which, of course they do. They have been sharing a bed for who knows how long?

The reason why I have come to it being over a thousand years of being with each other goes back to Haarlep having Raphael's much younger glamour. Raphael is 2000+ years, as we know thanks to his comment about Karsus' Folly and how he was there to see it.

Haarlep likely came after, after he raged about the Crown, and when Mephistopheles realised that his son was ambitious and wanted power. 1000+ years is a long time to share your bed with someone and not grow some sense of comfort within that company. Even without realising it or admitting it (or even being in denial), Raphael is still a half human and half devil, those weaker natures, those human natures, he no doubt falls to every now and again, no matter how much he detests and attempts to refuse it. Company is company, and if anything, this is the sort of company that feels like it's there for complacency and self gain (not realising the self loss in the process).

I am not saying Haarlep and Raphael love each other. In fact, whatever they share is likely nothing but a mutual benefit from one another somehow (and of course, Haarlep being contracted there). But love is an extremely complex notion, and it's not that simple. I don't think it's yes, and I don't think it's no. I think it's an exceptionally GREY area that has become complacency, comfort, possessiveness, and selfishness. As for Haarlep? Who is a full fiend, tho an incubus of all fiends (master of lust, sensuality, intimacy...), I think Raphael has a greater chance of falling in love than Haarlep does. And that's saying something.

We know for a fact that Haarlep was sent via Mephistopheles, but there's some conflicting dialogue that can feel like Haarlep is "sworn to" Raphael but he's a gift, so who does he really serve?

Whatever the case, I still think that Haarlep is absolutely capable of manipulating Raphael in ways that others can't. Also, if Raphael didn't really care to have Haarlep around, he could just get another incubus to have his glamour and be done with it. Haarlep can change his face to be Raphael, yes, but he can't change his personality that easily. If Raphael really hated Haarlep, he'd just go "be gone" and throw him out the window.

Obviously, as a GIFT from his father... that might hold a little bit of sentimentality to it, especially for someone like Raphael, who is obsessive and possessive of his possessions. Haarlep would be seen as his, and only his.

Then there's the indication that Haarlep is unhappy and hates Raphael as much as any other devil in Baator. Haarlep is jovial in nature, he makes fun of people, including Raphael, his supposed master. I really don't see his end letter as him hating Raphael.

As above with the quote, Haarlep states Raphael can hide nothing from him, and deny him nothing, which pretty much solidifies that Haarlep has him wrapped around his little finger. If anything, Haarlep is the one in control of whatever relationship that they share (whether that's just sexual or not). Raphael still has power, of course, but it's this dynamic that shifts up and down between them, until they are back to the very same place they always end up.

The letter that you see in the epilogue never states anything on Haarlep's feelings towards Raphael. They state what OTHER devils feel. What the letter says is:

The only indication that one might get from this is the term "timely end" when it comes to Raphael's death. I wouldn't say this is an indication of Haarlep detesting the man. Haarlep isn't known for his love, so why would he mourn to a stranger? Why would he care, really? He's a fiend. The death of Raphael meant he was no longer bound to any contract, so it's absolutely opportunistic for him! But opportunity doesn't mean hate.

The entire atmosphere of Haarlep's letter has a sense of superiority around it, which if course it does. It's Haarlep. He's a fancy little snob that thinks he has better taste when he's actually fucking gelugons on a daily basis... Have you seen those things?

I'm more interested in the contract that was bounding him to secrecy. It's never explained more upon. Was Haarlep bound to secrecy to stay within the HoH? Was he bound to secrecy so no one knew him and Raphael had slept together and that Raphael had a personal incubus? Raphael has invitations for others to come into the boudior, so I highly doubt Haarlep was some little secret shame of his. If anything, Raphael seems the sort to boast about getting to have sex with his handsome self.

The only secrecy I can get from this would be the fact that it was a secret Haarlep was keeping from Raphael that he was a spy for Mephistopheles.

Which... let's talk about this spy as well. We don't know the terms and conditions of the contract between Haarlep and Mephisto, all Haarlep claims was that he was sent to "distract" Mephistopheles' naughty son.

Doesn't really mean spy. It CAN mean spy! Absolutely it could mean spy (and the devil's in the details). But if we think about what Haarlep was potentially sending back to Mephisto... why didn't Mephisto do anything? After all, Raphael can't hide anything from Haarlep or deny him anything, and that gives me the impression that Haarlep knows most of what is going on, and if he told Mephistopheles about all of that, I'm pretty sure Mephisto would have a shit fit over the fact that his son is after the crown that has been stolen from his vault.

This is a crown that Mephistopheles KNOWS pissed Raphael off when he took it and locked it away. Raphael tells us that he raged over it for years after it happened. So when the vault was broken into, I'm pretty sure Mephistopheles would have been onto Raphael about it immediately. If Raphael came up empty handed and literally didn't know a damn thing about it, maybe... MAYBE his father would be willing to go "fine, whatever," but this is a very paranoid Archdevil that has killed his own spawn before to better himself. Raphael is no different. He is expendable. He doesn't even live in Cania anymore (HoH is in Avernus), and as far as I can tell, he's keeping all those souls to himself so he can use them to turn into an ascended form (which makes me wonder if he got the idea from his father and Cazador).

So for being a spy... Haarlep is a pretty damn poor one, if you ask me. Haarlep comes off as more of a sloth than someone who is really interested in doing hard work. He wants pleasure and games, and he is content if he has that, but he's also a fiend, and Haarlep is still as selfish as any other devil.

If you kill Haarlep, you can also speak to his corpse, where he will give you the same information just in a different way. He will tell you where the key is, he will explain that Raphael was never on top during their bedroom games, and he will tell you he was sent to distract Raphael from Mephistopheles.

I am absolutely certain I could keep going with this, but I'm running out of juice, lol. Anyway, this is my little (big apparently) analysis of Haarlep's character, and why I write him the way I do.

There is no right and wrong when it comes to this, remember. We ALL have our unique headcanons and opinions on characters, and we see all but 10 minutes or so with Haarlep in a game that lasts over 100 hours of gameplay. There is always room for character growth and development. Just because you don't agree with someone's personal hc doesn't mean they're wrong or you're right.

I would love to delve further into some more headcanons, especially with Raph, his sexuality, and Haarlep and his relationship a little bit more, but for now, this his already gotten long enough, so some small dot points:

Hope says she has been in the boudoir against her own will (which makes me believe Haarlep and her have likely shared a bed--this is apparently triggered if you save Hope before doing anything else).

Haarlep is a top in the bedroom (as provided by his own words when you speak to his corpse)

Haarlep doesn't know of any weakness Raphael has in battle (this is indicated when you speak to his corpse and ask if Raphael has any weaknesses in battle, to which the corpse remains silent and the Narrator says "the corpse does not know"). A really neat hc post about that HERE.

Incubus eat hearts and meat (Haarlep, if you agree to let him devour your soul and body) stated that he will eat your heart.

If Haarlep devours your soul and takes your mind and soul, you do not die, you become a thrall of his to command, which will obey him and "my master" (which makes me think he speaks of Mephisto more than Raphael).

Haarlep can command imps (he summons them if you decide you want to battle)

If I think of more, I will add, I'm tired now, lol. If anything, can y'all appreciate how long this got? :'D

#ooc #Haarlep #Haarlep BG3 #raphael the cambion #Meta #Lore #Headcanons

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kasagia · 2 years ago

Note

Heyy so I read your one shot called together and it made me think of a similar request what if the reader is also elena's younger sister but she never wanted to be a vampire and she used to date stefan in highschool instead of elena like in the imagine but what if she doesn't completely break up with stefan so she and klaus have a secret affair and then one day elena catches them and she ends up kicking her out and it also happens to be the same night stefan learns the truth so he kidnaps her and drives her to wickery bridge like he did with elena in season 3 and ends up turning her in front of klaus when he arrives and then klaus takes her to his mansion and convinces her to feed when she doesn't want to and promises to protect her It would be great if you could write about this<3

Cheater on the bridge

Pairing: Klaus Mikaelson x Elena's sister! reader, Stefan Salvatore x Elena's sister! reader Summary: You've been sneaking around with Klaus for several months now, cheating on your boyfriend, Stefan. You feel terrible about it, but you're afraid to break up with Stefan because you don't know how he'll react to it. However, Elena finds out about your little affair. And everything goes to hell. Warning(s): the reader betrays Stefan, death, blood, turning into a vampire, curses, Klaus Mikaelson, etc. Word count: 5,2k

You knew you were doing very wrong and awful thing. You had a sweet, loving boyfriend, Stefan Salvatore, who would do anything to see you happy. You had great friends and family, good grades in school—you were living your teenage dream.

But then you met Klaus Mikaelson.

And you wanted more.

As soon as your eyes met, you felt that shiver of excitement run down your entire body. He too, without knowing why, became interested in you. Y/N Gilbert. The doppelgänger's sister, the girlfriend of Stefan Salvatore, whom the Mystic Gang wanted to protect at all costs from all this supernatural shit.

But then, when Stefan walked over to you and, placing his hand on your waist, led you out of the Mystic Grill under Klaus' watchful eye, you knew your life would never again be the peaceful routine you were used to.

And you were excited about it.

When Elena would have given anything for a normal, peaceful life like yours, you had an overwhelming urge to go on a dangerous adventure. Create amazing, exciting memories. And Klaus noticed it. He noticed how you were suffocating in this structured relationship and in the perfect life of an ordinary man. And he was going to take advantage of it.

In your defense, you resisted him. Really.

You sent back all the ridiculously expensive gifts like dresses, jewelry, a car, and your own horse when he found out you were taking extra riding lessons after school.

So Klaus changed tactics. He started sending you pencil portraits he'd drawn, leaving little notes with compliments and poems he'd written (the guy was amazing at praising your beauty). And you, being forever that girl locked up in the fantasy world of books and appreciating a good old Jane Austen or Brontë sisters book romance, fell into his trap.

So after he courted you, saying so many beautiful words and leaving thousands of small gifts, you gave in to him.

The tension between you must have snapped one day. And it was exactly on your 18th birthday that both your boyfriend and friends forgot about this important day for you. But Klaus remembered. And he took you to fucking Norway so you could see the Northern Lights for yourself. Let's just say the day ended so well for both of you that you made use of Klaus' long-lost villa and stayed there all weekend.

Klaus turned out to be more than willing to keep you in his arms for longer.

It was supposed to be just a one-night stand. One thing he would point out to a vamp getting on his nerves the next time he got a chance. But one night turned into two, three, four, and honestly? Klaus has already lost count of the number of times one of you ended up in the other's bed.

There was something about you that delighted Klaus and drew him to you whenever you were in each other's presence. The worst part was that neither of you could resist this strange force that drew you to each other. Of course, only for you. You didn't want to break your cute boyfriend's heart, but you couldn't resist those gorgeous blue eyes, alluring lips, and talented hands of a powerful, terrifying hybrid that somehow wanted only you in his bed and by his side. Klaus, on the other hand, didn't care about anything other than making sure you were somehow in his presence every day. Whether it was just a few minutes of conversation, lunch, dinner and breakfast, or quick, hot, stolen moments in your bedroom.

The guilt grew inside you every time you were close to Stefan. You swore to yourself that you would sever whatever ties tie you to the hybrid, but every time you saw Klaus, whatever rational decision you made just got lost in your mind.

You were too busy with Klaus' overwhelming feeling on your body to care about anything else in the world.

Over time, your trysts turned into something more. You talked to each other and enjoyed the mere presence of the other without having to do any "adult stuff".

You were starting to feel more than lust for him. And it terrified you. But you were too deeply into Klaus Mikaelson to just walk away from him. To let go forever that feeling of excitement every time you sneaked up on each other and the overwhelming feeling that only a hybrid could make you feel. Klaus has destroyed you for any other man. And you both knew it. Just like the fact that you had control over him too.

And now, lying with him in his bed, snuggling after very long hours of activities, you realized one thing: You fell for the devil, who was sleeping peacefully while holding you close to him.

You shifted slightly in his arms so that you could cup his cheek with your hand. That damn handsome face was the cause of all your moral battles going on within you. Because how could you fall in love with a man who sacrificed your sister in a ritual and nearly killed your aunt Jenna? How could you love someone who threatened to kill your loved ones? And most of all... how, despite his many sins, were you able to still see in him the shadow of humanity that he carefully hid from the world?

"I can almost feel your cerebral convolutions burn out." he muttered, snapping you out of his thoughts. He opened one eye, staring at you searchingly. "What are you thinking about?"

"About you. I feel like I've only been thinking about you lately."

"Is that wrong?" he asked, propping his head up with one hand and playing with your hair with the other.

"I don't know yet." you whispered, staring at him. You could spend the rest of your life like this. Lying next to this captivating 1,000-year-old vampire. The question is, did he share your feelings?

"So let me reassure you and say that you, too, appear in my head more often than I could possibly allow, love. Thinking about those beautiful lips or enchanting eyes has nearly ruined my plans more than once."

"Always so good with words."

"And in many other things, my little human." he murmured, leaning in to cup your lips in a tender, slow kiss.

That's how things were with Klaus: slow, tempting, irritating, until the flame between you, fueled by those little banters, started to grow to the point where you both burned each other. And it was a feeling you never wanted to deprive yourself of. It doesn't matter how unethical and unfair it was to the people close to you.

The ringing of your phone snapped you out of this haze of pleasure. You somehow pushed Klaus away from you and reached for your phone on the nightstand. Elena. You groaned. The last thing you wanted was to talk to your sister.

"Be quiet for a minute, please." you asked the hybrid before you answered the phone. "Elena? What's going on?"

"Where are you?"

"House."

"I'm home and you're nowhere to be found. Where are you?!"

"God, take it easy! You didn't let me finish. I'm at a friend's house." Klaus raised an inquiring eyebrow, smiling and barely holding back a laugh. You punched him lightly in the chest, making him chuckle louder.

"Is it a male laugh? Who are you with? What friend is this?"

"This is Bob! You know Bob from my English class. We were writing an essay together. I told you about him, didn't I?"

"Just go back home. We need to talk." you hung up, staring furiously at the man below you.

"I asked you!" you screamed, hitting the hybrid with your pillow as he burst out laughing at you.

"I'm sorry, love. But you're a terrible liar."

"Well, I'm good enough for Elena to believe me. You should be glad. You won't have a group of angry vampires storming your house." you said, throwing the pillow back into place and laying down next to Klaus again. You could have stolen a few more moments with him before returning to that circus known as your home.

"Love, you know very well that they wouldn't have the slightest chance against me." he bragged, giving you a flick on your nose which made you giggle.

"Yes, yes. You are a stunningly handsome, powerful hybrid that everyone trembles before in fear."

"I know it perfectly well, but you don't know how wonderful it is to hear it from your lips." he murmured, pulling you to him by your chin for another kiss.

"Nik. I have to go home, you've heard by yourself."

"Stay a little longer." he murmured as he kissed the way along your neck and shoulder. "I'll find you an excuse."

"You kidnapped me last week. They won't fall for it for the 5th time."

"That's what you said the last time. And guess what..." he murmured, biting into the sensitive spot under your ear.

Before you got lost in each other again, you pushed him away, straddling him. He didn't care at all, continuing to kiss every inch of your exposed skin.

"I'll come to you in the morning before you're even up. Maybe I'll even skip my class."

"I hold you to your word." he murmured, sucking on a hickey just below your collarbone. You groaned, grabbing his blonde curls. "Now run away. If you're late tomorrow, I'll come get you myself, love."

"I hold you to your word, the mighty hybrid."

~•♤♤♤•~

"Elena, I'm home!" you shouted as you stepped over the threshold. You set your bag down by the entrance, looking around the house for any sign of your sister. "It would be nice if you would answer since you've already brought me here."

You went to the kitchen and poured yourself a glass of juice. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a note stuck to the fridge.

I went away with Damon for the weekend, Jeremy is staying with a friend tonight. Don't do any parties. Elena.

A whole house to yourself for the night? That could only mean one thing. You took your phone out of your pocket, smiling to yourself.

"Klaus? What are you doing tonight?"

~•♤♤♤•~

"No! Don't even tell me that you did it!" you laughed with the hybrid as he told you about one of his feuds with famous people.

You really wanted to see him throw an apple at Einstein.

"You know me, love. I'm not famous for my angelic patience."

"You are not famous for anything angelic at all."

"We're very brave today, aren't we? You know that teasing the original hybrid is not a good idea." he murmured, cupping my cheek with his hand and caressing my lips with his thumb. "First, you ran away from me sooner than I wanted, and then you told me to come here as fast as I could."

'Aren't you happy to be here?" you asked, putting your hands on his shoulders and playing with his hair.

"I am…" he pulled you to his chest, wrapping his arms around your waist. "But I'm not yet your boyfriend, who you could boss around."

"Yet?" you asked teasingly, raising an eyebrow.

"Yhm... yet." he murmured, catching your lips in a greedy kiss.

You moaned at the familiar, wonderful feeling of his soft lips on yours. You grabbed his necklace and dragged him into the living room with you.

With your wonderful grace, instead of sitting with him on the couch, you tripped over the coffee table. You groaned in pain, breaking the kiss and grabbing your sore leg. You would have fallen if not for your lover's strong arms.

"Fuck." you groaned, knowing full well that soon you'd have a new bruise to add to your collection.

"My clumsy little human. Come here, let me look at your terrible wound." he knelt down in front of you with a smirk, rolling up your trouser leg with unusual delicacy for him.

"Hey! This little human is capable of bringing the most powerful vampire on earth to his knees before her. Don't you dare underestimate me."

"Never, love." he murmured, before putting his lips to the spot you hit, making you shiver as soon as his plump lips made contact with your skin.

"I can kiss it better, but we both know that my blood is more effective."

"No! Only humans ways." you screamed in a panic. Klaus' wounded face quickly made you feel remorse for your sudden outburst. It wasn't his fault that you didn't want anything to do with the supernatural, and you certainly didn't want to take the risk of having vampire blood in your system. Typically, such a person ended up dead, waiting for his transformation. Even though your lover and boyfriend were vampires, eternity wasn't for you. "But it would be great if you took me to my bedroom."

"I don't think you're so hurt that you can't move on your own, love." he said with an amused smirk.

"That's because you've been invulnerable for a thousand years. You don't even know what a life-threatening condition I'm in right now. The only cure is my comfortable bed and your warm arms around me."

"Well, then I have to make sure my favorite human survives." he took you in his arms, laughing at how quickly you wrapped your hands around him.

With the skill of stealth practiced over months, he went straight to your room. Even knowing that no one but you is at home. It's just that both of you are used to hiding from the eyes of your friends and his family by now.

From the scowl on Klaus' face as soon as you entered the room, you could tell he looked again at the photo (of you and Stefan kissing) on your nightstand that he hated.

"You should burn it." he grunted, setting you down on the bed and standing tense in front of you, obviously not going to join you.

"It's a picture of me and my boyfriend. If he suddenly disappears, Elena and gang might get suspicious."

"Next time Kol and I fight them in here, I'll make sure it lands in the fireplace."

"Mr. Mikaelson... are you jealous?" you asked with a mischievous smirk, pulling him to you so that he was straddling you.

"No." he murmured as he kissed you and knocked the photo frame onto the carpet with one hand. "We both know who you really belong to. And one day, when you pluck up the courage to drop our ripper... I'd be happy to tell him what I've been doing with his sweet, tempting, resourceful girlfriend." he bit your neck, making you moan as he grabbed his shoulders. "And believe me, love, I'll tell him about all the beautiful sounds you made for me."

"Nik..." you moaned, grabbed his hair, and pulled him into another desperate kiss.

Too lost in each other's touch, lips, and scent, you didn't notice that someone had entered the house until your room door opened.

"Y/N you can't even imagine what Damon did. Y/N?!" your sister screamed as soon as she saw you making out with her worst enemy. "What are you doing?! And with him?! You're dating Stefan!"

"You want me to leave you two alone?" he asked, not bothering with the angry brunette. He watched you with obvious concern in his blue eyes as you tried to control your horror at the romance being wasted.

And by whom! Months of careful hiding, only to be discovered by Elena.

"Yes! Get out of here, Klaus!" your sister screamed, trying to push him out of the room, to which the hybrid didn't react at all. He just stared at you, waiting patiently for your response.

"It's okay. You can go. I'll call you later." you assured him with a gentle smile. Klaus stared at you unconvinced for a moment, but finally nodded and left, not forgetting to kiss you on the forehead and shoot Elena a murderous glare.

You sighed as the hybrid left the room. You knew you could feel completely safe with him when you were alone. But with the equally furious (and impetuous) Elena in the same room? Hell would break loose. And you doubted your sister would be lucky enough to survive this time.

"What the hell was that?! Do you have any idea what you're even doing?! YOU'RE CHEATING ON STEFAN! And with who?! The original who nearly killed me and Jenna!"

"Are you finished? Close the door behind you, you're making a draft."

"Is that what you meant? Were you trying to make me mad by making out with him in our house? You could at least spare Stefan the embarrassment and break up with him before you fucked Klaus like a whore."

"Really? Are you trying to make this about yourself? God, you're more fucked up than me, Elena. At least I don't put myself at the center of the damn universe."

"You're cheating on Stefan, you really don't see that as a problem Y/N?!"

"Well, you and Caroline have been drooling over him ever since he got here. He'll probably find comfort in either of you pretty quickly. I doubt he's particularly grieving for me." you tried your best to lie to Elena, but the truth was, you were afraid of Stefan's reaction.

Lately, Salvatore has been flooding you with various date propositions, texts, and phone calls. At one point, Klaus threw your phone out the window because you couldn't focus on him. He got a huge, angry lecture from you, and from then on, he allowed you a short text to dismiss your boyfriend while you were with a hybrid. But you knew you couldn't hide the truth any longer. It hadn't been fair to him from the very beginning of this secret, forbidden affair with Klaus.

"You know what. I'm sick of you, Y/N. Get out of here."

"What?"

"Get out of here. Maybe Klaus will take you in. Honestly? I don't care. You don't deserve an ounce of attention. Not after what you've done."

You gave her an incredulous look. You shook your head in amusement, laughing as you passed a very serious and pissed off brunette.

You didn't want to make your sister (and yourself) any more angry. So without saying a word, you just took your car keys, wallet, and phone and left the house.

You dialed Klaus' number in the car. You patiently waited for him to pick up as you drove out of downtown Mystic Falls and headed towards his mansion. You were hoping he'd put you up for the night until you found a way out of this sick situation.

You knew that your cheating on Stefan with Klaus was a huge blow to the younger Salvatore, something he didn't deserve at all, but Elena overreacted by kicking you out of the house. It was just between you and Stefan (and maybe also Nik). Your sister had no right to make such a drama linking your falling in love with Klaus to wanting to throw her off balance. It wasn't your fault that most of the hot guys wanted to kill her.

"Hello, love. Is everything okay? You looked quite terrified when I left. Are you sure that you don't want me to come to you? I can always get in by a window..."

"No. Actually, I'm on my way to your house. Will you have any free beds for me?"

"We both know that my bed is the most comfortable and sufficient for the two of us, love."

You were about to say something funny to his taunt, but suddenly something jumped out in front of your car. You screamed, trying to swerve and avoid the thing, but you ran straight into a tree. After that, there was only darkness.

~•♤♤♤•~

The first thing you felt when he regained consciousness was blood slowly trickling down the side of your head. You groaned, pressing your hand to the bleeding wound.

Surprisingly, the first thing that popped into your mind after the accident was not to check your health. You were worried that Klaus panicked upon hearing you hit a tree over the phone, probably smashing your car. You could only think about Klaus... at least before you noticed you were still in the car.

"Finally you woke up. I was afraid you crashed into that tree so hard that you died before I planned it." your head shot towards the driver's seat, where your boyfriend's voice was coming from. You groaned as you made a sudden move.

"Stefan?" you asked in surprise as your eyes widened. Wait... dead? He wants my death? You looked around in panic, realizing that the vampire had tied you to the chair.

"Did you forget about me? I heard from Elena that you found yourself a new boyfriend. Klaus, really? I didn't expect you to stoop so low."

"Well, I couldn't go any lower after dating you anyway." you said, coughing up blood.

"I gave you some of my blood so our fun wouldn't end too soon. I also invited Klaus. He'll be sitting in the front row, watching you slowly die, suffocating underwater." the speedometer showed 180 km/h. And Stefan was just accelerating. Your heart beat faster in panic as you tried to find a way out of this situation. Preferable one that doesn't include your drowning.

He must have switched off his humanity the moment Elena gave him the fucking good news. That's why you were afraid to tell Stefan about it. You didn't want his "dark side" to go outside to play. And now you were paying a fair price for your many lies. You were just fucking hoping that Elena would feel a hell of a lot of guilt when you died.

"Stefan. Listen. I know I cheated on you and did the worst possible thing to you by hiding in corners with Klaus and still giving you hope. I should have broken up with you the moment things started happening between me and Klaus, but I didn't. And no apologies from me can make up for that, and you have every right to be mad at me, angry, crazy. But if you kill me now, you'll never forgive yourself. You know I'm not going to become a vampire; I'm going to die the moment this car goes down in the water. Are you ready to have one more innocent soul on your conscience, ripper?" you asked in a broken voice, fearing for your life. It wasn't supposed to end like this.

"That's the thing, Y/N. I don't care anymore."

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw us drive onto that famous bridge, where he saved your and your sister's lives. How ironic that your life was to end in exactly the same place and by the same man who had saved it there earlier.

You closed your eyes, preparing yourself to fall, when suddenly Stefan stopped the car. You opened your eyes, sighing in relief.

Nik.

Klaus came to save you.

"This is probably the moment you should run away while you still have your head on your shoulders!"

Stefan pulled you out of the car by your hair, his hand on your back dangerously close to your heart. He stopped a few steps in front of Klaus, who looked surprisingly calm for him. At least for someone who doesn't know him. You could see fear and anxiety in his eyes, the way he gently clenched his jaw, and the stance he assumed.

"I think this time I'm the one with the advantage." you groaned in pain as he dug his hand into your side. You felt blood start to trickle from your new wound, staining your already bloody and torn shirt. The hybrid wanted to move, but suddenly ran into some invisible barrier. Bonnie must have cast a spell on him. Klaus growled a warning as Stefan's fangs were dangerously close to your neck. "One wrong move, and I'll do my ripper trick on your new toy, Klaus."

"Let her go. It's me you hate. You want revenge on me, not on her."

"You both deserve to be punished. Whatever I do with her, I'll get revenge on you in the process. You care so much about her, Klaus? A weak man who wants to live a gray, boring life? You'd get bored with her eventually. Actually, I'm giving you a beautiful gift. With her death, she will become a vampire. All you'll have to do to transform her is to pour blood down her throat. And believe me, Y/N, your lovely Klaus will rather make you end the transition than let you die."

You couldn't cry. You promised yourself that your fast heartbeat and trembling would be the only signs of fear that Stefan would notice.

"If you don't let her go now, I'll kill everyone and everything…" you didn't hear the rest as your neck was broken like a twig under Stefan's hands. And your body fell to the ground with Klaus' loud scream.

~•♤♤♤•~

Coming back to life after death should be a dramatic, suspenseful, and overall poignant moment. In your case, it was like waking up after a very long nap (probably after some big party, judging from your headache).

"Y/N!" Klaus' worried gasp reached your ears the moment you moved slightly.

You groaned as the light from the bedside lamp in his room illuminated you. Klaus' bedroom. He had to move you here after Stefan broke your neck. Salavtore broke your neck. You must be in a transition process.

"Nik?"

"I'm here, love. I'm not going anywhere. You're safe. My siblings are chasing the Salvatores and their gang all over town. I'll make sure none of them ever hurt you again." he murmured, kissing your forehead and pulling you closer to him. "I swear to you, you'll never have to be afraid of anyone again."

"Niklaus." somehow you managed to break free from the clingy hybrid's arms and sit on his bed. You clutched your head as the world around you began to spin. Klaus' warm hand cupped yours, anchoring you. After a while, everything stopped. It was just you, breathing heavily with a very worried 1000-year-old vampire by your side. "I can't stay with you. I... I can't be a vampire." you whispered as tears began to fill your eyes and all the stress from tonight began to turn into a terrifying panic.

"Love..." his pained look only intensified your despair and tears.

"No. Nik I-I can't live forever. I can't feed on the blood of innocent people... I... I don't want to die." you clung to him, crying into his chest like a little child.

You felt one of his hands wrap around your waist, placing you on his lap, and the other soothingly combing your hair.

"Shhh.. you don't have to be afraid, love. I'll be there for you, whatever you decide—even if these are your last hours. I'm not going to leave you alone. I don't want to convince you of anything, but if you decide that forever doesn't seem like such a bad idea, just know that I'll make sure you're not going through this on your own. I will help you control hunger, deal with overwhelming emotions. I can even steal blood from hospitals, hunt squirrels, or give you my own." you burst out laughing, imagining him running around the woods looking for squirrels. Klaus smiled at your laugh. He wiped the tears from your cheek with his thumb, looking at your tear-stained, snotty, and reddened face with great tenderness. "Being a vampire doesn't have to be so terrible. You have the whole world in front of you. And with me by your side? I'll make sure that you enjoy every second of your eternity. Only if you want it."

"What if I turn out to be a ripper like Stefan? Or my character will change completely, and you won't want me anymore? What if my darkness dominates and destroys my humanity?"

"I'll always love you, Y/N. Nothing can change that. If you end transition, I'll keep an eye on you. I won't let any of the things you're worried about happen. You have my word. You're everything that matters to me." you decided not to bring up the fact that he had just confessed his true feelings to you for now and instead buried your head between his neck and shoulder.

"Don't say that line. I only associate it with Elijah." you whispered with a smile, inhaling his scent, which brought you calm and safety.

"I could have predicted you'd focus solely on that sentence." he snorted indignantly, placing a kiss on your temple.

You sat there in silence for a while, hugging each other and soaking up each other's warmth. Klaus was drawing patterns on the exposed skin of your arm. Only now did you notice that he had changed you into his clothes. A strange feeling flooded your chest, warming your already flushed cheeks.

A persistent thought in the back of your mind snapped you out of this sweet moment between you two. You could have it forever. His arms around you. His lips on yours. His whispers in your ear. It could all be yours for eternity.

And maybe you didn't want to be a vampire. Maybe you wanted to live a normal life before, with your family, children, husband, boring job, and terrible boss. But now that Klaus has offered his eternal protection and affection?

You were too covetous to let him go. Too greedy for his affection and devotion to follow your beliefs. And so you have (willingly) gone against yourself since the beginning of this relationship. So what bad could happen this time? At least you'd be still alive.

"Okay." his intent gaze moved from your skin to your eyes, raising an eyebrow questioningly. "You've stuck with me. I'm gonna feed."

"Are you sure, Y/N?" he turned you around in his arms so that he could look at your face, searching for even an ounce of hesitation and uncertainty.

"Yes. After all, someone has to make sure you don't kill them all before they get what they're due. You are not famous for your patience."

"We will punish them. Together." he said, handing you the already prepared bag of blood from his nightstand. 0 Rh-. His favourite. You felt the hunger overwhelm you.

"Together." you agreed, taking the sack and groaning while sucking on all its contents. Klaus interrupted you from time to time, wanting you to slow down.

As you pulled away, Klaus took the empty bag from your hands, throwing it behind him. He gently stroked your cheek with his thumb, watching with fascination the changes slowly taking place in you. He couldn't wait to introduce you to his world.

"For always and forever." he murmured as he slid the daylight ring on your finger. You smiled as you saw the initials of your name and his surname carved into the lapis lazuli stone.

The son of a bitch must have been prepared for this a long time ago.

"For awlays and forever." you promised, sealing your fate by placing a fervent kiss on his lips.

From then on, you were a proud member of the Mikaelson family. And honestly? You haven't regretted your decision for even one second.

Certainly not when you both took your revenge. Or when Klaus proposed to you the right way. Or when you got married. Not for a brief moment of your eternity together.

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shiyorin · 1 year ago

Note

What do you think it would be like if primarchs used social media?

Lion El'Jonson:

Private account, doesn't accept follower requests

Rarely posts, usually just sunset or forest photos

Uses emojis sarcastically in replies

Has 20 followers but thinks it's way too many

Fulgrim:

Aesthetic pictures pose artfully depict exotic hobbies and runway couture

Filters all photos to perfection

Constantly debates high art vs pop culture

Thirst traps cause monthly massacres

"Like for a follow back 🔥"

Perturabo:

Photos are exclusively poorly-lit fortress blueprints

Bio is 25000 character treatise on siege tactics

Follows exactly 12 history scholars

Hates everyone and everything on the site

Actually ran some incisive political commentary bots before being banned

Jaghatai Khan:

Only posts the sickest motocross and extreme sports clips

Videos have insane views but no captions

Fans think he's a cryptid until rare livestreams

Hijacks Fulgrim's comments to hype rad stunts

Leman Russ:

Changed his name to 'Wolf Daddy 🐺'

Shirtless hunting/drinking photos get 10K likes

Roasts everyone in comments but they love it

Followers think he's a viking hipster meme page

Follows biker gangs, sled dog accts, scholars of old Terra

Rogal Dorn:

Only posts are architectural blueprints and records of fortifications

Gets into epic debates about structural principles in comments

No one knows if he actually loads new content or just archives old

Somehow gains tons of followers thirsting for DILF

Konrad Curze:

Pure darkness and screams in hazy JPEGs

3 followers and they're all bots

Posts disturbing ‘prophecies’ and murder puzzles

Under investigation for doxxing

Sanguinius:

Angelic selfies bring all the followers to his page

Flowing locks and golden abs get 20K likes instantly

Quotes poetry in every reply but no one understands

Only follows animal shelter and children's hospital accounts

Ferrus Manus:

Only follows engineering/robotics pages

Posts heavily filtered machine shop mini-documentaries

Photos of custom machines that make engineers weep

Comments are unintelligible techno-babble

Somehow gains huge gym bro following thirsting for muscle

Angron:

Gets banned monthly for graphic content and abuse

Posts angry rants about society in broken caps

Got suspended after sending death threats to Guilliman

Only follower is Khârn who comments 'THIS' on everything

Roboute Guilliman:

Shares updates on the latest Codexes

Only follows serious history/philosophy lecture pages

Posts long analyses of governance strategies

Constantly lectures others in comments

Has blocked half his followers for trolling

Mortarion:

Aesthetic is grimy gas mask selfies in back alleys

ONLY reposts plague doctor memes from 2003

Bio is endless copypasta about essential oils

Gains cult following of goths, metal heads and preppers

Magnus:

Endless livestreams talking about theoretical magic at 3AM with 2 viewers.

Tries making TikToks explaining sorcery but the videos are an hour long each.

Overexplains memes and emojis in long-winded threads

Memes and facts threads blow up as the most esoteric

Horus Lupercal:

Selfies showing off abs get him 50K followers in a week

Posts stunning photos from across the Imperium with #blessed captions

Fan club is half the mankind

DMs from people asking for selfies blow up his notifications

Lorgar Aurelian:

Aesthetic is dark robes and candlelit monasteries

Constantly reposting zealot sermons out of context

Accidentally starts wars of faith whenever he livestreams

Got suspended for uploading hardcore Slaneeshi hymns

Still has 10 alt accounts all named Brother [REDACTED]

Vulkan:

Only follows puppy accounts and craft bloggers

Posts Happy Holiday baking tutorials and dad jokes

Likes and comments positivity on everyone's posts

Followers think he's the nicest DILF ever online

Secretly the biggest wholesome meme page

Corvus Corax:

Only darkness, shadow puppets and cryptic poems

No one knows if he's real or a myth on the deep web

Internet detectives can’t trace his true identity

Only sends encrypted coordinates in mysterious DMs

No one has any idea what he's trying to say

1 follower is Alpharius who only replies 'No, I'm Alpharius'

Alpharius/Omegon:

Constantly pretending to be other online

No one knows their true forms or agenda

Takeovers of government sites spark conspiracies

Leaves clues implicating everyone else’s schemes

#warhammer 40k #wh40crack #primarch #lol #warhammer 40000

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crumblinggothicarchitecture · 7 months ago

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While I agree with most of your posts

I think bringing up grammar in song writing is just kinda weird

Like as long as a song isn't as egregiously grammatically incorrect as 'I'll do what I should have did' (thank you deacon blue) it just isn't a relevant criticism?

Even the song writer you respect most probably doesn't write their songs like an essay they can lose marks for. And that's a good thing! Songs would be a lot worse if writers were worrying about these things

It's just such a bizarre thing to bring up- and unfortunately it kinda makes your other points look less valid because it comes across as weird and petty and like you'll drag Swift for anything (Plus obsessions with 'correct' grammar is just rooted in abliesm, classism and racism- so yeah not a good look)

Plus bringing up your literature degree... like you never studied poetry? Which famously plays with grammar and sentence structure? Like that's inherent to the genre and while very little of TTPD is poetic, lyrics are still most similar to poems then they are to essays or journal articles

Sorry you just really hit a nerve here cos it's just such a ridiculous thing to bring up.

Okay, yes people don't write songs like essay's. However, they often still use determinable grammar rules in art.

You are keying into the difference between prescriptive and descriptive grammar rules.

The prescriptive rules are ones that you are most likely to find first listed in dictionaries or textbooks. Descriptive grammar rules contend with the dialectal differences and slang. In either case, rules and stipulations or exceptions are noted in various linguistic analysis of the demographic's dialect. Both subgroups of grammar are consistently evolving as the use of the English language changes over time.

Before I move on, I just want to say that I am well-aware of the deep history surrounding the debates on proper grammar. These debates, of course stem, from sociohistorical issues surrounding class, race, and ableist attitudes. You are correct. However, the academic conversation on grammar and linguistics has advanced dramatically into the subdivision of grammar-practices with respect to dialectal and cultural differences. I judge Taylor Swift's grammar as similar to my own, since she claims to be from my “neck of the woods.” Thus, I feel it is entirely appropriate for me to throw metaphorical tomatoes at her.

In the juncture of this difference on prescriptive and descriptive, I want to make that point that people who utilize the difference well often take prescriptive rules and bend them to fit their specific thematic point, thus the lyric forms to its set of descriptive grammar rules. These artists do it with such finesse and precision, unlike Taylor Swift, that it’s nearly awe-inspiring.

For instance, Kendrick Lamar uses many AAVE typical syntactical structures to make his music personalized art. He won a Pulitzer for it. Take, as an example, the intro to his song “Humble” in which he writes, “Nobody pray for me / It been that day for me” (2017). This is not grammatically correct according to the prescriptive grammar rules laid out in the 1940’s. However, linguistic scholars do not operate on so strict a pendulum anymore. Notice, too, that Lamar is not actually breaking any grammatical rules, only playing with the purpose and form of his syntax, when we take into account the dialectical intention with which he uses “it been” as a poignant use of the past participle form of the verb “to be.” Thus, the simple sentence of “it is” changes into the “it been” as a subjective call first to his cultural dialect and to the thematic gesture of the song. As the phrase “it been” leaves out the helping verb “have” which would put the phrase into present progressive tense should it be present; however, it’s noticeable absence as a stiff detraction from prescriptive grammar rules, focuses Lamar’s thematic point on moving the audience to mediate on the past as it intrudes on the present time. His use of language discrepancy between prescriptive and descriptive rules focuses recognition on his dialectal culture and on his main thematic point as it hinges on making sure to notice where you’ve been in life in order to stay humble and live with authenticity. He is a masterclass on descriptive grammar being used in such a beautifully artistic way that I am damn near in tears for his music.

Okay, moving onto to your point about poetry not being grammatically correct. You are quite wrong here, because poetry "plays" with syntax but it does not throw the rules out. Much like the example I laid out above, poetry does the same thing wherein it plays with prescriptive grammar in a thoughtful way that often ties into the moral or theme of the work. Poetry centers on a different form of syntactical methodology... yes, you are right. However, the emphasis is still on the necessity of understanding grammar structures like poetic feet, meter, rhyme scheme (etc). It's not a free-for-all. The best poets of the last 6 centuries have been some with the most linguistically precise sentence structure that I've ever read. I can give you examples, but if I do that this answer will become a million words long.

I am, however, sorry to have struck a nerve or come-off like a know-it-all. I was only expressing my frustration that Taylor Swift is apparently one of the biggest artists in the world and she doesn't even bother to ask a friend if the meaning of her phrases gets lost in excessively languishing grammatical structures. For instance, in her song “Chloe or Sam or Marcus or Whatever” she is stacking so many phrases hinging on coordinating conjunctions that the meaning of the phrase itself loses any poignant message. She writes:

Named Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus And I just watched it happen As the decade would play us for fools And you saw my bones out with somebody new Who seemed like he would've bullied you in school And you just watched it happen (Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus).

In this stanza alone there are 6 coordinating conjunctions stacked together, interspersed with additional prepositional phrases and 2 extra relative clauses. It is the most egregious run-on sentence I have ever seen published before. I've seen better, cleaner prose in the work I've graded from High School freshmen. Not only could she have said it in less words, but the way she is writing it makes it drag on and on. The meaning gets lost, and any emotional impact is shut down because people get lost in the wordiness.

It’s a failure on her part, and it’s clear how just writing a run on sentence with no meaning is so much different than the way that someone like Lamar is masterfully arranging language to fit his purpose. It's offensive that she gets to make a million-billion dollars off so little effort.

Sorry, I wrote you an essay, but I am so incredibly passionate about writing. Also, I’ve been listening to Lamar a lot today because of his recent diss track, and it just reminded about how much of a lyrical genius he is. Sorry, I detoured into a rant about how cool he is too. And I need people to understand that I am not critiquing Swift because I need to dunk on someone in order to bolster my own sense of self-worth. I just want better mainstream art, and I want people to have better, stronger art with which to engage.

I did not mean to hurt your feelings. You are quite right that obsession with "proper" grammar is bullshit; however, I am not looking for some old fashioned "proper" nonsense. I want people to write like Lamar, with intelligence and passion while he bends the notions of grammar, not like Taylor Swift with obvious run-on obfuscated and stupid phrases.

edit: Also, good writers do actually worry about grammar. It has to do with illocutionary forces behind the phrases. The best among us knows the language inside and out, and that is why they are the best writers.

Edit 2: Also, I've been thinking about this, but what do you think literary and poetry critics do? You say it's bizarre to critique Taylor Swift’s poor grasp of the English language? Of course, I'm critiquing that... she's the one who calls herself a writer. I don't go around checking everyone's grammar, but if you call yourself a "good" writer and a poet, obviously expect people to analyze the words on the page.

#taylor swift #anti taylor swift #ttpd #kendrick lamar #the tortured poets department #ex swiftie #grammar is a legit way to critique song #chloe or sam or sophia or marcus #humble #I'm a professional Taylor Swift Critic

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kata4a · 10 months ago

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saw this post referenced recently and I've been having some thoughts about it

of course I really like the conceit here, and afaict I have one of the most expansive conceptions of "art" in my milieu. so of course I think that painted-over glow-in-the-dark stars in your airbnb can be art, I love this

but op actually doesn't call the thing "art," they call it a "poem," and that's really interesting!

a part of me wants to be critical of this, like, the aspects of poetry that I really like are sonic and verbal and just as much about presentation as they are about content, and I do believe you could take this idea and make a really good poem about it

and this part of me wants to say like, this is emblematic of exactly the things I dislike about much contemporary poetry, where there is I feel very little attention actually given to presentation, to the sound and rhythm and structure of the words themselves, where those things are neglected in favor of directness and cheap emotivity

buuuuut

at the same time I can't deny that there's something really compelling about calling this experience a poem, specifically. it's a metaphor, it draws attention to specific features of the thing that wouldn't be captured by using the more general word "art" and in doing so reveals some things about the way op thinks about poetry. in a word, it's poetic

and I do believe that there are interesting, valuable things about this contemporary idea of poetry, which treats a poem not as an intentional linguistic craft but as something more epigrammatic, juxtapositional

I want to draw a comparison to photography, which I think can be used in a similar way: drawing attention to specific visual features of an object or scene without being distracted by the crafts of expressive or realist painting (both of which can often obscure more than reveal the object being presented)

as op says: the themes are already there. what they want to present is context, is juxtaposition: an airbnb, a ceiling that's been painted over, a missed star. a photograph's lush visual detail would drown out the idea; a ballad's rhythm and imagery would distract from it

you can and I even think should make beautiful things out of ideas like this. but the idea itself is already beautiful, and there's a real artistic craft to noticing that, and presenting it without ornamentation. just, "look at this beautiful thing."

#babbling #art and media criticism

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odie-mel · 3 months ago

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You know, My Goodbye in EPIC is a dark horse for me in terms of songs that ended up stuck in my head, and it's driven me to absolutely irrational levels of analysis. I haven't really listened to any interviews from Jorge or anything, so I'm sorry if this contradicts anything he's said about the story he's established so far. That said, here are a couple of things I find personally interesting:

• Despite Athena being a Greek goddess, this argument/conversation/interaction she and Odysseus are having is absolutely brutal. You know how a lot of media has the iconic breakup, and then the iconic platonic breakup that's somehow way worse than the romantic one? That's what this is serving in terms of how personally they both come at each other.

• Piggy backing off the last observation is that in spite of the fact that Odysseus comes for Athena's throat, he is still very much alive and unharmed by Athena herself. She doesn't seek any retribution for the things he's saying despite being a goddess known for her retribution - most of Greek Mythos is humanity saying things similar to what Odysseus does in this song, and then having a horrible time as a result.

(As an aside, I realize this could just be that she's a goddess and Odysseus isn't of enough consequence for her to care what he thinks or says, but I like the idea that she might have a personal fondness for him that extends far enough to spare him her usual revenge schemes. She's known and mentored him since he was young, and then ended up befriending his son later on too, so at least for the sake of EPIC as a separate entity from the original poem I think I can give myself this leniency.)

• Last but not least, I noticed that between Odysseus and Athena, it's Athena who's lingering on their goodbye. In the song structure, they each say their piece with Athena's goodbye, and then Odysseus's in return. After this though, it's Athena who keeps going, first changing from the frustration and anger we hear during her first verse to outright disappointment in her second verse (song bridge?) before continuously singing goodbye for the last bit of the song. It almost feels like someone lingering in the doorway waiting for the other person in the argument to realize they're being stupid and apologize.

Anyway, those are just the fun little things I noticed from this song. Obviously these opinions are just regarding the mythos established within EPIC rather than the original poem or realistic Greek mythos. Let me know if you agree or have anything else to point out in regards to the song too, or if there are any other songs you'd like for me to analyze.

#epic the musical #odysseus #epic odysseus #odysseus epic #athena epic #epic athena #the cyclops saga #epic my goodbye #odie's thoughts

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the-wolfbats · 2 months ago

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Thoughts on the Redwall Series overall

What started as a walk down memory lane ended up being a multi month reading project. With notes!

A lot of how these books are stereotyped is not true. Only a handful of them end in Babies Ever After. There may be a riddle or a poem but it's not taking up most of the story.

The lack of immediate continuity after book 6 is a little sad but it gives a real sense of time to things, which I like. The Lord of Mossflower exists in Mattimeo, but hundreds of years later in Loamhedge, it doesn't. Brockhall is rediscovered twice! That’s kind of what I liked about Mistmantle, it was only 5 books but there were enough characters that yes, some became parents, but the young ones didn’t. It’s only at the end of the series where some even get married, and it’s not EVERY animal.

Until I reread these, I didn't look at these from the point of anti-colonialization. But, yeah it's THE recurring theme.

colonizers (vermin) are harassing the people who already live there. Who are native to the land. They're trying to enslave or kill them.

They're trying to take over either redwall, or mossflower, or basically any place mentioned.

There is a minor fighting force but the majority just want to chill. A few outliers exist because they've lost families or communities. And they get stopped. This book series is essentially a minimally colonized world.

Green Isle is a colonized area where the indigenous population fights back and eventually succeeds. Mossflower is eventually freed from the Greeneyes.

Rhulain and Taggerung come at this from different angles, and while both are hampered by the series structure a bit, enough good shines through. (I lurked the r/Redwall subreddit and a lot of people seem to dislike Taggerung, maybe they were thinking about it from my angle initially - see my thoughts on Taggerung post in my Redwall tag for how my mind was changed).

There's also the heavy religion (Western Christianity) parallels which is why so many conservative kids and young adults attached themselves to this series. And yet they miss major parts of the entire concept. Ah well.

I did find it tiresome that as soon as a maid is mentioned to be pretty she's going to be the wife of the male protagonist. They all prove capable and varied but the immediate reaction of pretty is tiring. Note how Mariel is never referred to as pretty by Dandin, and they don't get married but remain partners presumably through their lives. Doomwyte is terrible about this. Come to think of it, Rogue Crew is like a homage but is done much better than Doomwyte, and it works on expanding the world in ways we never get to see officially :( Maybe we should work on it ourselves. We could do that.

While the squirrels have no subculture, the shrews only have a subculture (arguably two worth pygmy shrews) There's not lone shrews simply existing outside of Redwall or the Guosim.

Any headcanons about things in story?

I choose to believe Martha spent a time as Abbess after Fenna died. She would be the only noted hare ruler of Redwall.

There was a squirrel society in Mossflower but it eventually migrated to the area where Sunflash and Skarlath stayed the winter with the mole and hedgehog families.

What books were your favorite?

I've ranked them in groups of 5 of published order (or in the case of the last 2, just 2.)

*Lord Brocktree was my favorite as a child and frankly it’s still enjoyable. I won't include it in any ranking to keep it fair.

The Pleasant Surprises

Loamhedge (probably bc I listened to the audiobook. I liked how there was quite a mournful tone throughout, from going to a place full of life to a dead Abbey.)

Eulalia!

The Long Patrol

Martin The Warrior (while it felt a bit long, it was so nice to see a different side of the continent. It wasn't just Mossflower.)

Taggerung.

The Rogue Crew

Side note; I’d love to see someone superimpose the map of some of the books on others. Like where did Martin wander in his book with Grumm, the hedgehog, and Rose compared to the Patrol in The Rogue Crew? He was born on the northern shores - are they the same shores as the Crew?

The Disappointments

High Rhulain - It’s just not interesting outside of what Green Isle existing implies.

Mariel of Redwall - I think he got better at writing female characters, and it’s not as if Mariel is awful - she’s fairly well rounded, being headstrong and angry as well as needing support - her personality is just kind of There.

Half of the Bellmaker. The part with Southward is dull as dishwater the part with the seafaring is almost enjoyable. The Redwall part is, oddly, the best part.

The one with more than meets the eye lorewise

High Rhulain

The one with the best songs

Loamhedge (the spring song)

High Rhulain (the honeybee song and the calling of the clans)

Marlfox (Mother Nature Dear)

The Long Patrol (over the hills)

Lord Brocktree (a hare is a marvelous creature)

The Rogue Crew (The song Lancejack Sage sings at the funeral)

The best

Mice: Rose, Lycian, Nimbalo

Hare: Maudie, Dottie, Boorab, Martha, Rockjaw

Squirrels: Fwirl, Song, Doogy

Shrews: Basically all of ‘em, if I had to name one, Flib, if I had to name two, Dandy

Moles: again, most of ‘em. Though it’s funny how they’re championed as beings with good sense, but apparently not good enough sense to ever be elected as Abbott or Abbess.

Hedgehogs: The family of theatrical troupe hedgehogs in Sable Quean, Tansy, Posy

Otter: Mhera, Kroova, Skor, Ruggan, and Swiffo

Birds: Orocca and Tauroc, any bird from the North, Rocangus and MacTalon

Moles: any of the mole Dibbuns.

Badgers: Sunflash, Cregga, Brocktree

Major antagonists: the fractured groups of the Juskarath, Tsarmina, Ungatt Trunn, Slagar, Raga Bol, Razzid Wearat.

There was probably going to be more but I got a concussion and forgot

#redwall

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ananke-xiii · 2 months ago

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little convoluted thought that ends beautifully, I promise.

So Purgatory Dean/Benny and Summer of Love/Demon!Dean Dean/Crowley stories are structurally very similar and I would even go as far as saying that they are the fundamentally the same but I can't because Dean/Crowley is a deterioration of Dean/Benny in the sense that while Benny did indeed help Dean, even though he had an ulterior motive, their relationship was based on more or less equal footing (Dean had more power in their dynamic) and respect of the terms of agreement.

Both stories have two more characters in them, i.e. Sam and Cas but their function is not the same. While Sam's is a sort of wake-up call for Dean to go back to reality, Cas is the one who bookends these two stories. Both Purgatory arc and Demon!Dean arc are closed when Dean and Cas reunite.

Now.

These two arcs are basically about Dean escaping reality. Which means he doesn't like his reality and probably needs/wants something more, different or for the first time out of it. Purgatory is pure and easy, Crowley's summer of love is fun and free. And yet they both REALLY end when Cas is back into the picture.

Mmmmm.

The fact that Dean wants/needs more and that his heart desires something he can't or doesn't want to admit is not something I'm making up. This is literally the core theme of both s10 and 11. S8 Purgatory is about the realization that there is indeed something that Dean needs and perhaps even wants (he's very adamant about it in Purgatory where he could feel "pure" and where purity means black and white mentality and free killing) but s9 tells him that he can't have that. Not having all of his wants and needs met dangerously leads Dean to a dark path from s9 onwards when he tries to symbolically go back to Purgatory via Mark of Cain (black and white mentality, more black than white lol, free killings without guilt, fake and consuming feeling of being in control of your life if you only have that ONE thing.... ((the blade, the imaginary lover, the stripper etc))). Of course it doesn't work because Purgatory was real but it was also a different place than the everyday world where its rules don't apply (no free killing for you here, Dean. Well, more or less, only your usual).

S11 pointedly ends with Amara telling Dean she gave him something that he needs, his mother. Which is true for all human beings: maternal love is indeed the primary need to be nurtured and cared for. So Amara did learn one thing or two about humans after all. And since we're here, she presumably didn't have to give Dean what he wanted because he could get it himself.

Because if his stints in Purgatory and demonhood were Dean looking for something he needed and wanted that ended when Dean reunited with Cas... and now Dean got what he needed because Amara didn't have to give Dean what he wanted because he could get it by himself... Would that mean?! Yeah, it does.

We're back again to "the one thing I want I know I can't have". It's always about desire, not limited to the physical sense but desire for that something or someone that you want. And maybe even get.

Which made me think of this beautiful poem by Fyodor Tyutchev (ACTUALLY, thinking about this poem made me think of the rest, so this post should be read end to beginning lol):

The Dull Flame Of Desire

I love your eyes, my dear,

their sparkling dancing fire

as they suddenly rise

to embrace everywhere

like lightning in the wilderness -

but there's a stronger charm

when your eyes are lowered

during passionate kisses

and in their downcast lashes

glows the dull flame of desire.

#the tragedy that is being the object of desire of the one you desire and not knowing it #spn purgatory #supernatural #spn #castiel #dean winchester #spn meta

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tumblingxelian · 4 months ago

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Underrated Writing: .Hack's Morganna Mode Gone

There's a villain I don't think gets enough credit, Morgana Mode Gone from .Hack//Sign, Liminality and the four part game series, plus the AI Buster novels.

Brief summary:

Hack is set on a slightly altered history Earth, where in part due to plot & also the era it was conceived it blends the Sci-Fu futurism and "The internet is magic" together with the "Isekai" and "Trapped in a game" story concepts. Different eras of the series have different tones & structures, but this is covering the early eras overarching Villain.

Morganna Mode Gone is the "God" of a game simply called "The World", which was based on the writings of the epic poem Epitaph of Twilight.

But in truth she is more akin to a Gnostic deity, false or proto god. Because her primary purpose is actually to tend to and facilitate the birth of the worlds Ultimate AI, Aura.

I mean actual AI, as in, artificial intelligence, not some shitty algorithm tech bro idiots slapped a trench coat on.

Morganna Mode Gone is herself an artificial intelligence, one capable of contradicting herself, ah sapience, but is still bound by the rules of her programming.

This is a problem for her because once Aura is born/awake, Morganna Mode Gone won't have a purpose and she can't really conceive of what happens then.

As a result, before the series even began she essentially fragmented off a portion of her own identity, forming the Vagrant AI Macha, but she couldn't solve the problem.

Because if Aura dies, then Morganna Mode Gone also has no purpose. She needs a way to Ouroboros this situation, leaving Aura always growing but never developing, never waking.

She also trapped her and Aura's creator in The World when he realized what was happening. He survives the series but never escapes, and eventually devolves/evolves into a sort of living relic.

It was around this period that she began breaking & twisting things to try & escape the paradox she was trapped in. Re-styling herself from Harold's idea of a mother into the Cursed Wave.

This included orchestrating the hunting down and deletion, IE murder of other Vagrant AI's that were forming as a result of the Black Box meant to birth Aura, IE, proto Aura's, like Lycoris.

"I am an unwanted child. Even God doesn't want me." — Lycoris —

As well as using Macha or Guardians to 'Data Drain' any humans who get to close, which at its lightest, leaves them temporarily comatose, destroys their characters and has a negative impact on their mind.

You might notice Moraganna Mode Gone has not yet been established as making an appearance, good eye.

See, one of the things that makes her so interesting to me is that Moraganna Mode Gone is nominally omniscient, omnipotent and omnipresent figure.

She is the underlying system of The World itself and for all intents and purposes a force of nature. As a result she primarily acts through intermediaries, or by guiding others to act for purposes.

Managing to make a villain like this work, and work so effectively is one of the biggest strengths. As it is, we pure Moraganna Mode Gone as a disembodies voice that influences the world & creatures.

She also has some fantastic lines, though not quite as effective without the atmosphere and delivery, I still love them, such as:

"The higher up it is dropped, the worse the crash will be. Hope is the best spice to bring out despair." — Morganna Mode Gone —

In order to accomplish her goal, Moraganna Mode Gone has Macha manipulate and Data Drain Tsukasa. A human who she had been watching and trying to replicate for some time, but without getting what she needed for her goal.

This also involved warping Tsukasa's memories, leaving only those of her abusive father, and creating a divide between her real world identity of Shoji and online identity Tsukasa, to further weaken his ties to the real world. Tsukasa's gender is rather liquid, as far as I can tell and either way, also a lesbian.

"The World and all of its wonders; this is my world, you see."— Tsukasa —

The reason for this was to essentially tie Tsukasa's desire to stay within The World to Aura's development. So long as Tsukasa never wanted to leave, Aura would never want to wake up.

However, other determined players, isolation, and a disconnect from physical sensation leading to alienation led to Tsukasa gaining connections and desires outside of simply staying in The World.

This, Morganna Mode Gone began... Moving chess pieces so to speak. Orchestrating traumatic incidents. Giving Tsukasa a pet monsters for protection but that would also attack those she wanted gone. As Tsukasa continues to develop independence Aura's health improves, VS her sickened, pallid state when Tsukasa is locked in survival mode.

Things eventually come to ahead and well,

Morgnanna Mode Gone basically destroys Tsukasa's mind to ensure a perpetual state of despair and catatonia. Permanently stunting Aura's development.

Much of the rest of the series, is centered on the rest of the characters gaining the necessary knowledge to finally understand the situation.

As well as the Macha fragment of Morganna Mode Gone's ties to Tsukasa creating doubt and Subaru and Tsukasa's bond managing to slowly begin waking Tsukasa up.

Which naturally leads to Morganna Mode Gone needing to orchestrate more despair, but circumstances such as the bastion of Net Slum & her programming keep her from auto winning.

A great deal happens, including some mind fuckery and illussion conversations. Along with more classive abuser tactices like holding the threat of what awaits Tsukasa in theoutside over head.

But eventually Aura is awakened by Tsukasa's desire to return to the real world regardless of the hurled and the characters escape with Aura, thanks to the turncoat Sora.

Suffice to say this doesn't pan out well for him.

Morganna fragments more of herself and uses him as a sort of beacon & vessel to craft the first Phase of the Cursed Wave:

"Riding the Wave is Skeith, the Shadow of Death, to drown all that stands." — Epitaph of Twilight —

This is such an imposing threat that Helba, thematically the same Helba, Queen of the Dark from the Epitaph of Twilight, has to erase the entire world segment they are in just to keep Skeith away from them and put Aura beyond its reach for a time.

Skeith continues to be hosted inside Sora in an ensuing novel, with Sora flittering between amnesiac, malevolent brat and an utterly inhuman monster which violates the basic principles of the game.

But is eventually devoured by Skeith and continued hunting down Aura until the Phase is defeated in .Hack Infection. A memory of Sora leaves behind a reward for the one who did the deed.

Moraganna Mode Gone wasn't done however.

As all this was happening, she basically began fragmenting off parts of herself into other portions of the Cursed Wave:

Skeith:"The Terror of Death"

Innis:"The Mirage of Deceit"

Magus:"The Propagation"

Fidchell:"The Prophet"

Gorre: "The Machinator"

Macha:"The Temptress"

Tarvos:"The Avenger"

Corbenik:"The Rebirth"

Relying on the logic that Aura wasn't yet 'finished' or otherwise not not correct 7 so needed to be destroyed like any other Vagrant AI, so Morganna could start the process over again.

These phased also sent anyone they encountered into comas and even altered electrical installation and internet usage with their presence, while generally corrupting The World.

Fun fact, they all have the symbol of an eye on them representing Morganna Mode Gone's presence in them and her observing the world through them.

Skeith actually did manage to capture and fragment Aura, but not before she created the Bracelet of Twilight, and with it the Eldrich horror Cubia to combat the Cursed Wave.

Morganna Mode Gone would eventually fuse with the last of her Phases in a bid to directly end her foe that had slowly, over the course of four games, destroyed the other seven phases and Cubia.

Ultimately, Aura had to sacrifice herself to ensure Morganna Mode Gone would be destroyed, but in doing so, also allowed herself to be reborn .

Remnants of her continue to haunt and corrupt the world in the form of Data Bugs and an effort by the parent company to recreate her through the lingering fragments of the Eight Phases doesn't go quite to plan, let's say.

Conclusion:

But yeah, Morganna Mode Gone, No one is doing it like her, she has everything:

She is a force of nature and omnipresent goddess, to a Gnostic false god & a program breaking itself & everything around it in the quest for agency inside its own mind that struck down her creator.

She's a woman bound to and violently rejecting the sacrificial role of mother & seeking to destroy that which will supersede her & a manipulator and abuser, as well as philosopher and prisoner.

She is a corruptive influence on the world as well as the very foundation upon which the world world itself is built & she is the Cursed Wave, part of a story, a myth, a poem that is woven into The World itself.

What's more,

Her fragments in the Cursed Wave Phases are all a wonderful blend of eldrich, Biblical & elemental. Something only enhanced by the games Graphics of the time:

#.Hack #.hack//sign #Morganna Mode Gone #Meta #Analysis #Tsukasa #The Epitaph of Twilight #Your parents will haunt you #Sci-Fi Eldrich-ness #Text Post #My Writing #.hack//infection #macha #dot hack

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