#like it did now. i was in a major crisis for the last 3 months or so

[nmoroder]

You know i used to have these surges of art coming through my hands at night. They're back, these surges. And i love Klogg can you tell

1st pic almost quotes Bible cuz you know, TenNapel himself said the Neverhood story is biblical in nature so yeah it comes naturally

2nd is Hoborg's humanized design through years (he hasn't really changed between '21 and today)

3d pic says "there are things i will never forgive myself for" and it echoes the headcanon that Hoborg had great guilt for what Klogg had become bcuz of the crown and was actually terrified of seeing and touching him

4th pic is abt this story i composed a couple of years ago, in short it's the segment where Klaymen and Klogg had to fight Some Guys and Klay obtained a blaster a while ago. yeah and Klogg had a blast using a spear which promptly broke after a dozen of hits

6th pic references the latest askblog post (and psst is the short summary of where they're gonna be heading next)

[girl-of-ink]

Puzzlefic Recs

These Days We Celebrate / Reconfiguration by Phoebeus

Original synopsis: “Originally a series of canon-compliant stories spanning the six month gap between the defeat of Pegasus and the arrival of Otogi, it now includes a branch-off story that changes the climax of the Millennium World arc and explores what would have happened if Atem had gotten his own body a month prior to leaving for Egypt. [Manga-canon, Puzzleshipping]”

Type: Series of oneshots + one multichap longfic

Word count: 300k+ altogether

Rating: G/T/E

Warnings: None

Status: Complete

Times read: 3 times for the whole series, at least 5 or 6 for Reconfiguration specifically

Standout characters/aspects: Yuugi's mom & Honda

Notes: The holy grail. The puzzle fic to end all puzzle fics. Nothing beats it. It aligns almost 98% with my personal headcanons, & the small things we disagree on are contextualized in a way that makes sense in the story. Yuugi's mom is iconic in this story, & my own interpretations of her lean heavily on her portrayal in this series.

Haunted House Sweet Home by InkFlavored

Original synopsis: “Yugi doesn't believe in ghosts. He never has and, up until now, he thought he never would. But when he moves into his new apartment, things start disappearing, doors start slamming, and an ancient crown has it out for him. He's forced to face reality: he's living in a haunted house. But will he be ‘living’ there for long?”

Type: Multichap longfic

Word count: 150k+

Rating: T

Warnings: Mention of eventual major character death, brief mention of eventual Yuugi/Atem/fem OC in final chapter

Status: Complete

Times read: Probably 3ish

Standout characters/aspects: Feriha (fem OC) has a very small part, but she is integrated in a well-thought-out manner & quite likable.

Notes: This fic takes a lot of normal aspects of ygo like “cursed object” and “troubled king” and gives them a new spin! Bonus points for writing an OC villain who works as well as Hazim does.

Egyptology Exercises / All This We Do in the Name of Ma’at by Nedjemet

Original synopsis: “My attempt at redoing Yu-Gi-Oh with a focus on character development, magic, and historical accuracy instead of card games. While this is technically a series, "All This We Do in the Name of Ma'at" functions as a standalone story. All of the other stories are just in-universe follow ups to show what the characters got up to after the story was over. These shorts largely function as stand alones, too, since Ma'at follows cannon very closely in the important ways. All of the stories are ordered loosely in terms of when they occured. You can read them in any order.

All of the Egyptology is heavily researched and I did my best to get it right. If something is off and you have a source, please send it my way!

All of the stuff in modern Japan has minimal research done and is more for flavor than anything else. I'm going for anime-level accuracy with that, not realism.”

Type: Multichap longfic + a couple of shorter multichap fics + bonus work diving into the Egyptology research used in the fics

Word count: 200k+ altogether

Rating: T/M/E

Warnings: None

Status: Complete

Times read: Twice for All This We Do in the Name of Ma’at, probably 5-6 times for the two sequel fics

Standout characters/aspects: Nedjemet’s research on the Egyptology aspects is very impressive

Notes: Really good! The main fic is quite plot & research heavy tho, so I find myself revisiting the two shorter follow-up fics more often. More fluff than substance for me.

The Last Puzzle by Tenderwulf

Original synopsis: “11 years after the Ceremonial Duel, Atem and Bakura inexplicably find themselves back in Domino. When they meet their previous hosts, they realize how much things have changed: Yuugi, the now world-renowned King of Games, is going through a marriage crisis, Ryou is struggling to balance studies, work, and his brittle mental health, and Malik... well, Malik is living his best life—and his own yami is nowhere to be seen.

They soon realize they all have to work together in order to solve the mystery of the yamis’ return: some to make sure that they stay, and some to make sure that they don't.”

Type: Multichap longfic

Word count: 300k+

Rating: T

Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence

Status: Ongoing

Other ships: Tendershipping [Bakura Ryou/Yami Bakura], past Peachshipping [Mazaki Anzu/Mutou Yuugi]

Times read: 1

Standout characters/aspects: Yami Bakura’s character development is stellar.

Notes: Very good, altho I confess that I’m slightly more interested in the puzzle storyline than the tender story (which happens to be the main plot lol). Very much worth reading.

Keep the Light Shining by Clydeside

Original synopsis: “Yugi's new job as a lighthouse keeper sounds simple enough... until he realizes he's not entirely alone on the remote island: a dark spirit haunts Crawford Sound.

It lingers like a shadow in the night.

It watches, and it waits.

The past keepers warned of an inescapable terror, but as the days turn into weeks, Yugi begins to think it's not the ghost he ought to fear.”

Type: Multichap longfic

Word count: 50k+

Rating: M

Warnings: Major character death (Atem is already a ghost)

Status: Complete

Times read: 3

Standout characters/aspects: Worldbuilding!!!! This story is so gorgeously atmospheric

Notes: Please please please read Keep the Light Shining, it’s so good. The horror aspects combined with the romance and mystery aspects are so well-balanced.

Lineament by Zuzeca

Original synopsis: “Once seven, now three. A broken Pendant, a crumbling empire, and tugging at the seams of reality, hints of a sinister power returning. His faith in destiny strained past breaking, newly-crowned-and-deposed Pharaoh Set makes the questionable decision to try and solve the Millennium Puzzle with magic. As it goes with magic, his efforts are rewarded…but not quite in the way he expected.”

Type: Multichap longfic

Word count: 50k+

Rating: M

Warnings: Major character death (Ghost Atem again)

Status: Complete

Other ships: Logicshipping [Priestess Isis/Priest Seto]

Times read: 3

Standout characters/aspects: Set & Isis are very interesting & well-developed characters here.

Notes: Really interesting twist on the whole series. Somewhat of a time travel fic, but in a much more satisfying and less cheesy way than most.

Snake Charmer by InkFlavored

Original synopsis: “Prompts: ‘Wow, my pet snake looks so cute this morning and I’d be even happier if I actually had a pet snake.’ & ‘You curse under your breath in a foreign language and I know I shouldn’t be turned on but I totally am.’

Type: Oneshot

Word count: 20k+

Rating: T

Warnings: None

Status: Complete

Times read: 5

Standout characters/aspects: Osiris the snake is an icon

Notes: 100% fluff. Cute snake. Utterly delightful.

Cut Off / Whiskey, No Chaser by InkFlavored

Original synopsis: “Few people choose a day during the week to drink away their problems at a bar downtown. Most people wait until the weekend, content to simmer with their issues until Friday. Others do it at home with friends, and without worrying about how they're supposed to get home in time for work in the morning. All in all, it's rare that someone walks into a bar on a weeknight at ten-thirty to start drinking.

But that's exactly what happened to Atem.”

Type: Two multichap longfics

Word count: 100k+ combined

Rating: T

Warnings: None

Status: Complete

Other ships: Past rivalshipping [Mutou Yuugi/Kaiba Seto]

Times read: 2

Standout characters/aspects: Great way of showing how Atem becomes part of the friend group

Notes: It’s cute! Not InkFlavored’s best work, but all of their stuff is worth reading.

Macchiato Incommunicado by InkFlavored

Original synopsis: “Prompt: ‘my favorite coffee shop is closed for the day so i have to find somewhere else where i can get my overly-advanced pretentious order and i found the place where you work and now i never use the other place anymore because even though you always serve my drink with a “what the fuck has normal coffee ever done to you”-sigh you're really cute and i'd like to go out with you.’

Type: Oneshot

Word count: 15k+

Rating: T

Warnings: None

Status: Complete

Times read: 3

Standout characters/aspects: Points to everyone else in this fic for putting up with Yuugi & Atem’s stupid bullshit.

Notes: Pretty good interpretation of the dreaded miscommunication plot and the cliché coffee shop AU.

The First Leaves That Fall by Clydeside

Original synopsis: “When Yugi arrives in Yubari to settle the last of his grandfather’s affairs, he finds a mountain village in quiet decline. Most people have left for the city, buildings are crumbling, and nature grows dense and wild against its outskirts.

But among those who remain, superstition abounds, and they all offer the same advice:

Stay out of the forest.

Yugi, however, is intrigued. By the puzzle of its shifting paths. The riddle of a wind that speaks, if he listens.

And, perhaps most of all, by the stranger who always shows him the way out before dark.

Or: Yugi falls hard for the local cryptid. Not everyone is cool about it.”

Type: Multichapter longfic

Word count: 40k+

Rating: T

Warnings: None

Status: Ongoing

Times read: 1

Standout characters/aspects: Honda & Miho are really great friends, and bonus points for local Shinto priest Bakura, who is as ominous and strange as ever.

Notes: I love this fic!!!! Again, Clyde is the best at writing spooky & atmospheric stories. I can’t wait to see what really happened in Yubari to make the nature spirits (including Atem) so angry.

Chained to You by SajiSpellhart

Original synopsis: “Taking place after the events of Season Zero, all the shadow games happened but Yugi never found out he was possessed by the spirit of the puzzle. Now he's an adult, living on his own, and he starts to notice strange and spooky things happening around his apartment. When he sees his own shadow moving Yugi begins to suspect his new place is haunted. But is this shadow spirit malicious or... kinda sweet?

Yami does a bunch of stupidly sweet domestic shit for Yugi to help take care of him. Expect romance, fluff, self-care, and Puzzleshipping shenanigans.”

Type: Multichapter longfic

Word count: 100k+

Rating: T

Warnings: None

Status: Ongoing

Times read: 1

Standout characters/aspects: Yami is incredibly cute in this fic.

Notes: Really interesting AU where Yuugi never finds out about Atem as a high schooler, and so Season 0-esque shenanigans continue into adulthood.

He Has a Heartbeat by Kaibbage

Original synopsis: “Atem is back, and this time he's living and tangible. As such, Yugi cannot stop touching him - and vice versa.”

Type: Oneshot

Word count: 3k

Rating: E

Warnings: None

Status: Complete

Times read: 10 at least

Standout characters/aspects: 

Notes: So cute!!! One of the best Atem Comes Back oneshots out there. Very sweet short little PWP.

Superimposed / Bird Rock Lambchop (Bird Bigger Bird) by Toffeecape

Original synopsis: “Yugi wants his other self to have nice things.”

Type: Series of oneshots + short multichaptered fics

Word count: 70k+ combined

Rating: E/M

Warnings: Some installments mention major character death (but with the caveat that the characters cross over to the Egyptian afterlife), most have no warnings

Status: Complete

Times read: Superimposed probably like 5 times, whole series twice

Standout characters/aspects: Love Yuugi’s urge to provide for Atem, very sweet. I also love the chapter of Like a Stone into a Pond that focuses on Yuugi’s mom’s relationship with Atem.

Notes: This series is sort of YMMV for me. To be entirely honest, the smut gets a little too weird for me in a lot of installments, so I don’t revisit it too often, but the first installment is definitely my favorite, and I love seeing the intimacy between Yuugi & Atem grow while they’re still sharing a body. The 4th installment is my other favorite, as it focuses less on smut and more on character interactions.

Phantom Limb by Killdoll

Original synopsis: “In the hospital after the fire where Yuugi reassembled the Millennium Puzzle, Yuugi and his Other Self have a heart-to-heart.

(Puzzleshipping, set during anime canon, attempted ghost cuddling.)”

Type: Oneshot

Word count: 3k

Rating: T

Warnings: None

Status: Complete

Times read: 5+

Standout characters/aspects: Really great characterization

Notes: Very sweet examination of the aftermath of (the anime version of) the fire.

Pieces of Puzzleshipping by Phoebeus

Original synopsis: “Originally this was where all of my tumblr prompts and random ficlets would come to live, but it's quickly become home to all of my random puzzleshipping fluff, instead. We shall acknowledge it as such until at least one other ship invades!”

Type: Oneshot collection

Word count: 17k+ combined

Rating: E

Warnings: Author Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings (I don’t remember anything too triggering in these oneshots besides a safeword use that is immediately respected in chapter 10)

Status: Complete

Times read: 2-3

Standout characters/aspects: To be honest, I don’t remember these individual oneshots all that well, but I love all of Phoebeus’ work.

Notes: Bite-sized and enjoyable fluff!

Getting Rivalzoned (and Learning to Live with It) by Oogenesis

Original synopsis: “Finding out that your best and closest and most infuriatingly attractive rival has come back to life is one thing.

Finding out that he and his former vessel have eyes only for each other - well, that's quite a different matter.”

Type: Short multichapter

Word count: 8k

Rating: T

Warnings: None

Status: Unfinished (seems to be abandoned, but I recall the last chapter working fairly well as an ending, so it’s not too infuriating)

Other Ships: onesided Prideshipping [Atem/Kaiba Seto]

Times read: 3ish

Standout characters/aspects: Just so incredibly funny. 

Notes: This is my ideal prideship scenario. Sorry, Kaiba.

Visiting Hours by Oogenesis

Original synopsis: “Kaiba, at Atem's insistence, finally brings Yugi along on one of his visits to the afterlife, and promptly regrets it.”

Type: Oneshot

Word count: 1.5k

Rating: T

Warnings: None (possible major character death as Atem has already crossed over to the afterlife)

Status: Complete

Other Ships: One-sided prideshipping [Atem/Kaiba Seto]

Times read: 5ish at least

Standout characters/aspects: Same as the previous fic, just so funny to see Kaiba so deeply jealous while being completely ignored.

Notes: Love how excited to see each other Yuugi & Atem are.

Ours, Not Mine by MagiMevi

Original synopsis: “The spirit found such ease and amusement in simply perusing Yugi's daily memories, and Yugi no longer wanted to just share them with him. He wanted to make them with him – he wanted the spirit to create new memories – he didn't want to just amuse the spirit with the passing fibres of his life – he just – he wanted -

Don't worry about it, partner.”

Type: Oneshot

Word count: 5k

Rating: T

Warnings: None 

Status: Complete

Times read: 2-3

Standout characters/aspects: Great exploration of Yuugi’s character

Notes: Yuugi scheming like hell to try to get Atem to live & enjoy himself while in the puzzle is one of my favorite tropes, 10/10.

Take Him (Cut Him Out in Little Stars) by InkFlavored

Original synopsis: “Most people think of light and silence as comforting things. To Yugi, they're anything but. Atem's mind is tearing itself to pieces and no one understands.

PuzzleJune 2019 (Week 3: Light)”

Type: Oneshot

Word count: 5k

Rating: G

Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings (Major character death canon to the end of the manga)

Status: Complete

Times read: 5+

Standout characters/aspects: I love Atem’s talk with Akhenamkhanen.

Notes: Definitely one of the most influential Atem comes back fics to my own work! It’s fabulous, 10/10.

The Seldom Seen by Clydeside

Original synopsis: “Yugi’s soul has gone missing after reassembling the Millennium Puzzle in the fire, leaving the Other Yugi to fill his place.

As he tries to hide the truth from Yugi’s friends and family, he searches for his partner and the scattered pieces of his soul. But without Yugi at his side, he is losing control of the Puzzle’s power over the shadow realm… and the creature it contains.”

Type: Mid-length multichapter

Word count: 45k

Rating: T

Warnings: Major character death (albeit tagged as “only sort of permanent”)

Status: Complete

Times read: 3

Standout characters/aspects: Angst!

Notes: I love any fic that examines Atem’s relationships (or lack thereof) with Yuugi’s friends and family. 

Jolly Sailor Bold / Shellfish Tendencies by Kudalyn

Original synopsis: “‘The seas sing for those who are lost, and for those who find as well.’

Atem is a siren/merman and Yugi is a ghost haunting a sunken ship Atem comes across. Atem is intrigued by the ghost, hangs around enough that they start to get to know each other, getting attached, and falling for each other over time. But Yugi’s memories start to fade, as ghosts don’t get to stay forever on the living plane, and Atem has to deal with this loss.

My entry for the YGO Big Bang 2018!

Content Warning of character death and mourning, with reward at the end if you stick through it ;)”

Type: Series of two oneshots

Word count: 15k+ combined

Rating: M

Warnings: Major character death (sort of temporary? It’s complicated lol)

Status: Complete

Times read: 3ish

Standout characters/aspects: Honestly really interesting implications about the origins of mermaids……….

Notes: Super fun twist on a mermaid AU.

Untitled Puzzleshipping Doujinshi by Kaluda

Original synopsis: “This is a doujin I made in 2019 that I decided to post here as well. Inspired by the end of the Dark Side of Dimensions film.”

Type: Short comic

Word count: N/A?

Rating: Unrated (I would say G)

Warnings: None (Major character death canon to manga/anime)

Status: Complete

Times read: 3ish

Standout characters/aspects: Such cute art!!!!!! 

Notes: Rare comic example, but it’s posted on ao3, so I’m counting it as a fic. It’s really very sweet & short, go check it out!

Angle of Approach by InkFlavored

Original synopsis: “Definition: (in golf) the angle at which the club head strikes the ball. This affects the trajectory the ball will travel and spin. 

The only thing Atem hates more than his family’s annual summer vacation is the “family” part. A whole three months away from home, away from friends, and away from freedom. This year, he’s nearly resigned himself to the worst trip he’s ever been on, surrounded by people he couldn’t care less about.

Then he meets Yugi, and decides to make his own fun.”

Type: Multichap longfic

Word count: 130k+

Rating: E

Warnings: No archive warnings apply, general warning for emotional and slight physical abuse by parents, and definitely warning for workplace sexual harassment

Status: Ongoing (Unfinished? Abandoned??? I sure hope not)

Times read: 2

Standout characters/aspects: Yugi is phenomenal in this AU. I’m obsessed with him.

Notes: I love this fic!!!! I usually don’t like fics where Atem is an asshole, but apparently it’s fine if he’s a bottom lmao. Anyway I love seeing Atem very very slowly become a better person against his will, and I’m really hoping Ink_Flavored is still working on this fic. It’s one of my favorite ongoing works.

Dress Up Game by InkFlavored

Original synopsis: “The Mutou family, including the newly resurrected Atem, get invited to a wedding. Neither Yugi nor Atem have anything to wear to the event, but it’s not a big deal. All they have to do is go shopping to pick something out. How bad could it possibly be?”

Type: Two chapter fic

Word count: 25k+

Rating: T

Warnings: None

Status: Complete

Times read: 3

Standout characters/aspects: Really great attention to detail about Japanese culture. Taught me a lot about traditional Japanese weddings!

Notes: This fic is so cute! Really nice fic that focuses on Atem living life after coming back from the dead.

Await Red to Become Anthracite by Zigur_zig_ah

Original synopsis: “Yuugi, security guard un-extraordinaire, leads a particularly mundane life. He sits in front of a monitor for eight hours a cycle, pretends to concern himself with the safety of five-hundred and thirty-nine Roman coins of no value whatsoever, and occasionally, when work is especially slow, occupies the unenviable position of Duel Monsters champion of the known universe.

But something stalks the perpetual darkness of Proxima-b. A horror from beyond the grave, loosed in a moment of carelessness, has set its hollow, empty sights on Yuugi - and Yuugi, try as he might, can't seem to stay away from it.”

Type: Medium length multichapter fic

Word count: 30k

Rating: M

Warnings: Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings 

Status: Complete

Times read: 1

Standout characters/aspects: Really fun combination of futuristic sci-fi, horror, canon, and ancient Egypt?

Notes: A bit less romance-y than plot-centered, but the way the story unfolds is really fascinating.

Hindsight by Cloudsmachinations

Original synopsis: “Yugi needs to wear glasses. Atem needs to calm the hell down.”

Type: Oneshot

Word count: 2.5k

Rating: T

Warnings: None 

Status: Complete

Times read: 3ish

Standout characters/aspects: I love an Atem that is down bad

Notes: So cute tbh

[chocodile]

An illustration of Bani, my cat who passed away at the beginning of March 2023. She was my best friend. I still miss her every day.

A little writeup/”poem”(?) about her last few years under the cut.

When Bani was diagnosed with chronic kidney disease in early 2020, I asked her to make it through the pandemic because it felt like the world was ending and I couldn't lose her, too. And she did.

When we moved to a new state in 2021, we asked her to make it for a while in the new house because I didn't want this happy new chapter of our lives to be tainted with such a painful loss so early on. I wanted the house to feel like our family’s house, not "the house without Bani." And she did.

When she had her first major health crisis in early summer 2022 at the same time I was trying to job hunt, I asked her to make it through me getting settled into the new job, because I was already feeling out of my depth and struggling with the adjustment and needed her support and love to keep strong. And she did.

When she was almost 18 in fall of 2022, we asked her to make it to 18, because I had been telling people for ages that my cat was "almost 18 years old" and I didn't want her to always be "almost 18 years old". I wanted to celebrate her birthday with her. And she did.

When we had plans to leave for Christmas at the end of 2022, we asked her to make it through until we got back, because it would be too impossibly sad for her to pass while we weren't here to be with her. And she did.

When my birthday was coming up in January 2023, I asked her to make it past my birthday, because I wanted to be with her on my birthday. And she did.

The winter has been long and hard and cold and miserable. Earlier this winter, before Christmas, Katie asked her to make it to March. I thought that March was a lot to ask of such an old cat. I wasn’t sure if she had that much juice left in her. I would understand if she didn’t.

But she did. At 18 years and 3 months old, she made it to March 2nd, 2023. But by then she was very old and very, very tired. Katie and I told her it was alright, she’d done enough and could rest now.

She passed away in my arms, on her favorite pillow, with Aunt Katie beside her, in bed, cozy and warm with a tummy full of cheese, just as she would have wanted.

[stemwriter]

Pursuit of Knowledge - Chapter 3

Hey, I know I said I was gonna be delayed, and I was, but thankfully, only by about 18 hours. Anyway, it's done now, here it is!

And again, I am on Ao3 under the username StemWriter, link to the fic in the masterlist!

Word count: ~6.7k

You’d been doing some thinking since you last entered the mystical world of Teyvat. A lot had happened yesterday. For these past four months, you had been obsessed with everything related to the story of Genshin Impact. You could put together a full timeline of Teyvat’s history, and could probably guess what would happen in the future. You knew more about the world than most people of Teyvat knew. You thought it was just a game. 

Now, you knew it was much more than that. What were you going to do now, with all of this precious knowledge in your hands? Did you know too much? Should you cut yourself off from any Genshin media, stopping yourself from finding out any more than the too much you already know? Or should you continue on your endless pursuit of knowledge?

You didn’t tell them the whole truth. Probably because the ‘whole truth’ would have mentally shattered them, and you didn’t even know if it was the truth. You hated lying, but you knew you had to here. If they were ever close to finding out the real truth, would you let them? Or would you try your hardest to keep it from them?

And who even is them? Is it just the Ragnvindr brothers? Or were there more? If there were more, you would have to choose what to tell each person carefully. You may let someone you trust, like those two, know nearly everything, but you may keep nearly everything from, say, a Fatui member.

You still had so, so many questions that you just couldn’t answer quite yet. You were going to meet an archon soon. Should you let him know that you know he’s the archon? Regardless of what you end up deciding, you should probably see what he thinks of your situation and some of the questions you had. After a while of sitting on your bed, thinking and staring at your controller, you decide that it’s time to come back to Teyvat, and turn on your console.

The loading finishes after what feels like forever, revealing your avatar, Aether, standing just outside the walls of Mondstadt. Now, should you continue the story alone, sticking to the ‘script’, or have Kaeya and Diluc with you, and risk starting a major domino effect, if you hadn’t already? You checked your quests to see what you could do to hit AR 10. Secret Pirate Treasure - Pavo Ocellus Chapter: Act I

…Kaeya’s story quest? That’s strange to see after what happened yesterday. Maybe the whole confrontation didn’t have as much of an impact on the timeline you remember after all. Wait, does that mean he’s in the Knights HQ, waiting for you right now? You teleported to the building, not wanting to keep him waiting for much longer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaeya was doubtful of [Y/N]’s strange… prophecy powers. He didn’t want to wait until the Stormterror crisis to see if any of their predictions were true. He decided to run an experiment of sorts. He was going to test them. He had a plan to tell them about the Arcadian Ruins, a domain here in Mondstadt that held an incredibly powerful sword. Just one thing, though; there’s no such thing as the Arcadian Ruins in Mondstadt. He had talked to some people and set a whole operation up. If they really could see the future, they’d know exactly what he was planning, and hopefully go along with it. If they couldn’t, he’d probably have a hard time convincing them that his story is true. As of now, he was standing in the lobby of the Knights of Favonius Headquarters, wondering how he was going to grab their attention in the first place.

Suddenly, he snapped back to reality, and somehow he just knew that [Y/N] had returned. Not long after, they walk in the headquarters, making a beeline towards him. Time to put his experiment into action.

“This is bad… Such a hassle… What am I going to do…” 

He pretended to not notice them in front of him. [Y/N] hadn’t said anything yet. Like they said, robotic movement meant it was them, so this wasn’t Aether coming to find him. However, now Paimon had appeared, and the Traveler’s movement became more fluid, meaning that now Aether was the one talking to him here, so he couldn’t start asking [Y/N] questions immediately.

‘You don’t usually lose your chill.’ Aether replied.

He had thought about what he would say for this next part.

“Oh, thank the Thousand Winds! Aether, your arrival must be the grace of the gods!  If I may ask – envoy sent by the Anemo God to save this mere mortal – could you spare a moment?” “Ewwww, cut it out!”

“Paimon, shush. Do you want treasure or not?” [Y/N] joked, finally speaking up. They said ‘treasure’, did they know what he was about to say, or was that just guesswork?

‘Tell me what happened.’

He continued with his mildly rehearsed spiel. “I cannot let my peers hear about this! I cannot seek help from anyone else but you. Please, let us move to somewhere more fit for such conversations… Let's talk in the courtyard just outside the headquarters. Come with me.” He began to leave the building, and heard Paimon being cut off by [Y/N].

“What’s wi-”

“Hey, woah woah woah, wait up! It’s just me now. Can we go into the library for a second? I need to talk to you for a second before we go outside, and I don’t want it to look like you’re talking to yourself in front of the other Knights.” [Y/N] said, almost whispering.

He almost replied to that, before taking the last part of what they said into consideration. He nodded, trying to make it seem like he remembered something, and headed into the library, [Y/N] soon following. 

“So,” [Y/N] began, “let me guess; you want to tell them about a powerful sword that was used by your pirate grandfather, located in the Arcadian Ruins, which ends up not even existing because you made it the fuck up to catch some Treasure Hoarders. Is that right?”

“It is indeed. It seems you really can see the future. I suppose I won’t have to tell you what the plan is then, correct?” They really knew a lot. They reminded him of a certain astrologer he saw from time to time, though they were a bit more… vulgar. She was able to tell the future using her Vision somehow. That got him thinking; is one’s fate set in stone from the moment they were born?

“Yep, I remember this pretty well. So the courtyard outside the headquarters, right? I’ll do my best to go along with this, and it should work out.” He snapped out of his slightly existential thoughts. They both left the building, and went to the agreed meeting spot.

He began to talk to Aether and Paimon, mentioning how his grandfather was a pirate, and how he recently found out that he left behind a treasure…

“Treasure!?” Paimon’s eyes lit up. He had her hooked already. He continued to speak.

“According to his notes, the treasure is buried in the ‘Lost Arcadian Ruins.’”

“Treasure…” This time, both Paimon and [Y/N] said that, in the exact same tone. Were they mocking her?

“But the location of the ruins is currently unknown. I've tried searching for clues…” He had a feeling he knew what would be said after that sentence.

“Treasure!” They both said, in the same tone, again. Was this how [Y/N] felt with everything?

He continued on, revealing that the treasure was a magic sword that fell from Celestia, and was used by his grandfather to slay very formidable enemies. For some reason, [Y/N] seemed to be holding back a laugh when he listed said enemies. What did they know here that he didn’t? He told them that he was afraid bandits would get to the sword before they did, and sent them on a mission to gather intel to help find it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You saw someone point out sometime that the enemies that Kaeya’s grandfather supposedly defeated just so happened to match up to the major enemies the Traveler faces. “Eight-headed hydra”? Osial. “Silver-haired banshee”? La Signora. (This one was a bit rude, but it kind of made sense.) “Wicked abyss dragon”? Dvalin. You knew that theory likely didn’t mean anything, but it still made you laugh when you thought about it. This story he’s telling is supposedly an obvious lie, right? Yet the theory-makers in the Genshin fandom were wondering if it actually had some truth to it. You thought about asking about it, but realized that there’s no way he would tell you.

As you talked to Cyrus, you wondered; in this version of events, did Kaeya set this up just to see if you could really see the future? It wouldn’t be too surprising if he did. Who would expect Kaeya, of all people, to try to stick to the script? Was this how his story was going to go in the “canon” version? Was he going to try to defy his pre-determined fate only to end up running straight into it? 

You stuck to the current plan, seeking Kaeya’s informant and looking for clues, starting with the chest on the windmill. (Though, you already knew where the dang ruins were…) The whole time, you were just thinking about how his story would go. Could you help him with your knowledge? Before you were thinking you knew too much, and maybe you do, but now, you felt like you were clueless. Even though Kaeya’s backstory was written in great detail, it still felt like it told you nothing. …That’s honestly not too out of character for him, isn’t it? You were worried about knowing too much about people, but now that you’re thinking about it, those stories you read about them aren’t too far off from things they may have told the Traveler themselves. 

It was too early for you to know such things about people, though. You decided that from now on, you would stay away from looking at things that reveal the backstories of people. Anything you’ve already seen, you decided to let yourself look at again, to jog your memory. You would still look at new Archon Quests and Story Quests, to an extent, too, to gain more information about what’s to happen in the future. But any other new content involving the pasts of people, you decided to stay away from. Maybe you should take every single form of content in the game and make a list on whether you’ll let yourself look at it or not.

You managed to find the windmill without getting a hint from Kaeya, and the next clue couldn’t be more obvious. It was a map leading to Springvale. You teleported there and began to climb the cliff, thankful of your avatar’s abilities to scale smooth vertical surfaces.

Cryo monuments. Great. How were you going to- Oh! Cryo slimes. That made things easier. You just needed to lure the slime to the monument, and… Wind Blade! You repeated that two more times, and you got through it like it was nothing. That made you think, the whole story could be completed using the Traveler, and you wouldn’t have to resort to potentially puppeteering someone again, right?

Finally, you made it to the ruins. You entered, walked past some Pyro hilichurls, weaved around Pyro torches, and defeated several Pyro slimes. The system really wanted you to use Kaeya here, huh? Well screw you, system! You can’t be forced to use anyone!

You could, in fact, be forced to use someone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He had been waiting for this. Finally, his plan was coming into action. They had found the “Arcadian Ruins” and successfully led a group of Treasure Hoarders there with them. He already had some of the Knights he brought with him to arrest most of the Treasure Hoarders, and now there was just one more, their leader, that he needed to take care of. As the group of Knights entered the “ruins”, Kaeya noticed that [Y/N] had seemingly just walked through it all, paying no mind to the enemies and the torches. The door to the last room was open, though, so they must have made it through.

The lone Treasure Hoarder made his way out of the shadows, confronting Aether and Paimon. It was time.

“I'm sorry to rain on your parade…” He says, walking into the large room. [Y/N] started cheering and clapping, telling him to “get his ass”. “But your gang won't be participating in your current plan. If you'd like to ask why, you can go see them... in Mondstadt Prison. Or perhaps you'd prefer to join them permanently?” 

He broke the news to the three that there was no treasure to be found in the first place. For some reason, Paimon seemed more irritated about that than the Treasure Hoarder. Paimon began to throw a temper tantrum while the Treasure Hoarder merely said, “Hah. You got me good. Didn't think the Knights would resort to such tactics.” 

A criminal had the gall to question the Knights on their strategies? “A thief has no right to criticize the methods of the Knights of Fav- Wait, what are you-!” He started running away, saying, “You're not gonna get me!” He made it to a door, which opened, revealing a Ruin Guard behind it. “Okay... Oh god... Wh—What is this? I didn't mean it!” Not so tough now, are you? Kaeya loved seeing the fear in his enemies eyes as they faced off against him, or in this case, a Ruin Guard. The Ruin Guard wasn’t exactly on his side, but it wasn’t on the side of the Treasure Hoarder either, so it might as well have been on his.

Alright, time to take care of this- He felt a strange chill down his spine. He couldn’t move. No. Not again. How could they? He was just standing still as the Ruin Guard walked towards him, preparing to attack. He had trusted them, he thought their apology was genuine! Was this their plan all along? Build his trust only so they could control him again? Were they going to have him killed at the mechanical hands of this Ruin Guard?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your screen faded to black, and now you were in a fight with the Ruin Guard, with Kaeya as your active character. Wait. Kaeya. As your active character. You let out a yelp. No. You looked to the right side of your screen, and saw the pink “Trial” tag over Kaeya’s icon. Why would the system have a trial for a character you already have?! 

You panicked, quickly sprinting away from the Ruin Guard as it slowly hobbled towards him. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why this is happening, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you cry, hoping that you won’t hurt him in this fight. You moved the camera to show his face. His single light blue eye darted around, before focusing right where the camera was. He knew where the camera was? He stared at you with a look of desperation and confusion on his face. It surprised you just how much emotion could be conveyed with just an eye. “I’m sorry,” you say again, ready to go back into the fight.

You stood far enough away from the Ruin Guard now to cause it to turn around and shoot tracking missiles at you. You tried to run, but at the last second, you realized you couldn’t, and switched to Aether to take the hit. You switched back to Kaeya and sprinted back to the machine. You used his Elemental Skill to apply Cryo to it, then switched to Aether to swirl that. The Ruin Guard stomps. You dodged to the right, then got a couple of hits in. Switch to Kaeya. The Ruin Guard punches at him, you dodged its arms. It jumped, you waited until it hit the ground, and hit it with Kaeya’s skill, which managed to hit its weak point. Switch to Aether, use his skill, swirl the Cryo. Rinse and repeat. You haven’t made a sound, being too focused on the fight to think of anything to say. The Ruin Guard starts spinning. You switched to Aether to take the hits as you tried to get away. 

“Maybe… I wasn’t meant for this world…”

Shit. Aether’s down, that leaves only Kaeya for you to use. No more punching bag to take the hits. Luckily, the Ruin Guard was almost down, so you just needed to get a couple more hits in. It jumped up in the air again, and when it came down, you hit its weak spot with Kaeya’s skill again. That weakness strike was just enough to finish it off.

“Take that you weird-looking farm equipment!” You yell in exhaustion. Wait, should you have said that? 

“How embarrassing... Having my life saved by a knight…” that Treasure Hoarder named Izzard said. Kaeya hesitated to respond, still looking a bit shaken from the fight. You decided to say something to him first.

“Hey, it’s over now, you’re alright.” You tried to comfort him a bit. We need to talk in a minute when it’s just you and me, but for now, just try to pretend like everything’s normal.”

And so he did, for the most part. He spoke slowly at first, but Paimon’s whining seemed to make him take his mind off of what had just happened. It almost made you forget, as well. You hated seeing people sad, but something about seeing Paimon crying about not getting treasure just made you crack up. He gave you the "Triumphant Harbinger of Dawn That Points Towards Victory". It was just an ordinary Harbinger of Dawn like the ones you already had, but with a long, fancy name. Still, you wanted to keep this one.

“What a wonderful day. Now, I have to go interrogate some people… Please excuse me. Do come speak to me when you have the chance.” The screen faded to black again, and you got a notification saying you’d reached AR 10. When you could see your surroundings, Kaeya wasn’t in your party anymore, and Aether had been revived.. It was just you two in the domain now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What’s happening? Kaeya thought [Y/N] had purposely taken control of him here, but with the way they were almost sobbing trying to apologize to him made him think. Were they not in control of who they were controlling? Just how deep was this? He looked around in a panic, and focused on a single point. There was nothing there, but he felt like he was making direct eye contact with something. 

“I’m sorry,” [Y/N] choked out, and didn’t say another word after that.

Not too long after, he was nearly struck by the missiles of the Ruin Guard. He’d almost forgotten it was there. [Y/N] fought it, quickly swapping between using him and Aether. Every time he came close to getting hit, they would make Aether take the hit. Until the very end, though. Aether collapsed into a pile of glowing ashes, much like Amber did on that first day. Again, he panicked, wondering what would happen now that [Y/N]’s main vessel was gone, but remembered that Amber had been revived right after, so Aether likely would be as well.

“Take that you weird-looking farm equipment!” [Y/N] said, the Ruin Guard collapsing to the ground. While the seemingly mindless avatar of Aether had fallen, Kaeya had remained untouched, thankfully. 

Wait.

What had they just called it?

He tried his best to carry on like normal, ignoring his heart pounding right out of his chest from the anxiety caused by the fight. It turns out that fights were a lot more terrifying when you lacked confidence. Aether was, in fact, still alive, and unless he was a master at pretending he hadn’t just died, he really wasn’t aware of what was happening to him. Paimon really wanted that treasure, huh? Well, too bad. Maybe next time he’ll make a real treasure hunt for them. He gave the two their prize, and prepared for an interrogation. With whom, though; that Treasure Hoarder, or [Y/N]?

That question was answered rather quickly, as everyone else but him and [Y/N]... disappeared from the domain completely. For a split second, he could swear he saw some weird, yellow, rectangular outline where he felt he was making eye contact earlier, but it immediately disappeared. Kaeya looked around in confusion for a moment before turning towards [Y/N].

They walked up to him before saying, “Are you alright? Seriously, again, I’m so sorry. The system must’ve forced you into my team, I- I didn’t do it on purpose, I swear.” 

“I’m fine.” He crossed his arms. “Now, the system, forced me into your team? How exactly does that happen?” They had explained what they meant when they said things like “team” or “party” in this context, but what they meant by that mildly confused him.

“I don’t really know. When I was going in, I noticed a lot of Pyro things. It felt like the system really wanted me to use you to get through it, and then next thing I know, there you were, as my avatar.”

“So even if you’re only intending to use Aether’s avatar, your system… can force people into your control?” How much control did they have over this?

“Yep. I know it happens to more people in the future, but I was not expecting it this time. See, normally, the system would do this to let me try out new abilities; new avatars. I thought that since I could already use your abilities whenever I wanted, or at least in theory, I could, that the system wouldn’t need to do the stupid ‘Trial’ thing. But, of course, it did.” 

This would happen to more people? This was something he needed to tell Diluc about. Who knows, maybe he would be next… “Interesting…” He began. “Do you mind if I… inform Diluc about this?”

“Please do, actually. I have some other things to do, so I’m not too sure when I’ll see him again.”

“‘Other things’? Like what?”

“Oh, uh, I guess continuing the story of the Traveler. The system says I have to return to Mondstadt now, and I’m pretty sure that means that Aether’s about to be given the title of Honorary Knight.” At this point, he shouldn’t be surprised they know about that. He had heard Jean discussing it with Lisa while he was planning this operation, so he already knew they were right.

“You’re going to the Knights Headquarters, then? Mind if I join you? Talking with Diluc can wait for a bit.” All that really mattered is that he told Diluc before [Y/N]’s system got to him, too.

“Sure, you can come with me. Though I was going to teleport there…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You were glad he understood that you didn’t do that on purpose. You weren’t sure if he was comfortable with the idea of you being able to take control of him at any given moment, sometimes without even your intention to, but it seemed like he mostly forgave you. 

You needed to get to the outside of the Goth Grand Hotel to continue the story, and now you needed to bring Kaeya with you. Either you walk all the way from Falcon Coast to Mondstadt, or you find a way to teleport both of you.

But wait, you needed to ask him about how he looked at you in the ruins. Could he…

“Hey Kaeya?” He turned towards you. You moved your camera around a bit, and he looked at it. “Can you… can you see me?” You moved your camera a bit more, to see if he followed it. He mostly looked at your avatar, but he kept glancing at the camera.

“Is that what… this is?” He looked back at the camera. “I don’t see anything there, but I feel as if I’m being… watched from that point. You said you were viewing this world from your own, yes? Is this where you’re viewing it from?”

“Yes, actually, I’m surprised you can, uh, sense it or whatever.” What he said made so much, yet so little sense. From what he told you, it felt like that weird sixth sense that tells you when you’re being watched, but how could he tell, and why only now? “...And you didn’t notice anything before?”

“I believe I noticed something similar before, but only now do I know what it is. I’m afraid I don’t know why this is happening, all I know is that… it is.” So they could see your camera… Wait, could everyone? Or just Kaeya? Another question to find the answer to.

Anyway, now’s not the time to be wondering about things like that. You needed to figure out if he could use the Teleport Waypoints or not, so you could get to the city. “Have you noticed certain waypoints around Teyvat? The ones made of stone, that kind of look like a torch.” 

“I have, but I wasn’t aware they had any kind of actual function until you came along, and started using them to teleport from place to place. Is that one of your… powers, as well?” It looked like he had picked up on how you were using the waypoints. That’s good, you won’t have to do as much explaining.

“So you do know what they can be used for, that’s good. I’m not exactly sure if using them to teleport is specific to me, though. As far as I know, there isn’t anything stopping people from using them, but no one else seems to even acknowledge their existence. I don’t know if others can use them, and that’s why I brought this up.” 

To quote the Wiki: “The canonicity of Teleport Waypoints is unclear.” Maybe it was only you, the player. Maybe it was just the Traveler. Maybe it was just people who could manipulate elements. Whatever it was, you were about to find out if Kaeya could use them. 

“...Are you wanting me to try to teleport to one of these waypoints?”

“Yep.”

“How exactly am I going to go about doing this? I don’t have a map like you, where I can just… pick and choose right where I want to go.”

“I think I might have an idea. Do you have the surroundings of a particular waypoint memorized?” Hopefully this worked. If it didn’t you had another idea, but this would allow him to do it on his own, whenever he wanted to.

“…I recall there being one in the middle of the lake in Springvale. I know that area fairly well, so I suppose I’ve memorized the surroundings of that waypoint. Now, what exactly am I supposed to do with that?”

“Okay, good.” You began to speak slowly. “Just visualize that area, imagine that you’re there. Close your eyes if you need to.” Eyes? Eye? Whatever, you just needed him to try that.

“Alright…” He said. You saw him close his eye, take a deep breath, and- Gone. No fancy effects, just poof! Vanished! It actually worked. Now you just needed to go there yourself. You opened your map, selected the waypoint, and followed right after him. You startled him a bit when you suddenly appeared beside him again. It looked like even he was surprised by the lack of any over the top effects.

“So, how’d that feel?” You asked. Hopefully in the future he could get quicker at it, and be able to make a swift escape from something. 

“It felt… as if my soul was ripped from my body for a moment. But, it didn’t hurt or anything like that, just a little… out of body experience.” 

‘Oh my god,’ you thought. That sounded horrifying, but apparently he was okay with it. “Are you willing to do it more?” You asked, wanting to make sure that he was, in fact, okay with it.

“If this allows me to travel around Teyvat nearly instantly, then I suppose so. A little discomfort is no big deal.” Having your soul ripped from your body is “a little discomfort”, and “no big deal”. Okay.

“Alright, just let me know if you start feeling bad because of it. Let’s try to go to the waypoint on top of the Knights headquarters; it’s the closest one to where I need to go.” You had a feeling he would not let you know if it did something to him, but you felt you should still say it.

You two made it to the HQ, and Kaeya was planning to follow you, but as soon as he heard Jean was going to be involved, he wanted to stay behind. He wasn’t in the mood to answer questions from her, and for all she knew, he was still on patrol. You told him you would be at the Cathedral plaza after you talked with Jean, and he decided he was going to meet you there. 

After he left, things went just as you remembered them. Jean told you about the Fatui, you went to the HQ, showed her and Lisa the crystal, received the title of Honorary Knight, and began to follow Venti’s footsteps. Did you even have to do this? You knew where he was. You tried heading straight to the plaza, and lo and behold, there he was, along with Kaeya as an audience member.

You listened to his story, the Tale of Two Dragons. It was far more beautiful than the one you’d heard. The emotions his performance gave made you feel as if you were really there, witnessing the events being told. You saw, or rather, heard exactly why he’s the most popular bard in Mondstadt. You couldn’t help but clap afterwards. If he could hear you, you wanted to wait until you were alone with him at Windrise to reveal yourself, so you hoped he didn’t notice. You went on with the conversation as normal, not saying a word. You could see Kaeya in the background, listening, but none of them seemed to notice.

“Hey! Where are you running off to!?”

“To the ‘Symbol of Mondstadt’s Hero.’ Bye-bye~”

Aaaand he was gone. After the Traveler and the pixie were done talking to each other, you walked up to Kaeya, making sure there’s no one around to see him talking to himself. You were eager to see what he thought about all of that.

“I have to say, seeing people suddenly disappear like that is going to take some getting used to. Ignoring that for now, just what’s the deal with that crystal?” 

“I found it in the woods before I came to Mondstadt for the first time. It was red when I found it, and it’s been purified, so now it’s blue. It’s apparently a tear from Stormterror.”

“Oh? That sounds… interesting. Is there anything else I should know about from before you came to Mondstadt?”

“I mean, I can tell you what I know of the Traveler’s backstory another time, but now, I should probably go meet up with Venti. I guess this is bye for now, then.” You kind of wanted him to go with you, but you knew Venti probably wasn’t planning to see you, let alone you and a plus one.

“Already? Well, I suppose I do have things to do. I should probably talk to Diluc, and I can’t hide from Master Jean forever. I’ll see you around.”

“See you around!”

------------------------------------------------------------

And so you went to the massive tree, and approached Venti. Aether brought up the God of Anemo, and Venti began to talk about how the God of Anemo had been absent from Mondstadt for a very long time. You responded to that by simply saying, “Oh, really?” over and over again, and “It’s a shame I’ll never get to meet this Archon of the Wind,” in the most sarcastic tone you could muster.

After that last remark, he looked straight at the camera with a deadpan expression. To little surprise, he could hear you. He could also “see” the camera too? Aether looked in the direction of the camera for a second, probably wondering what Venti was looking at, but just looked back at him in confusion. You tried to stop yourself from laughing, but you couldn’t, bursting out into a cackle. Things are always ten times funnier when you’re not supposed to laugh.

And then you were fighting an Eye of the Storm using only Anemo Traveler. Great! You started calling out, “Venti help me!” repeatedly, and he started helping you. It wasn’t much, considering he too, was Anemo, but he was at least able to shoot it down when it flew up into the air. 

You finally defeated it, and Venti spoke up. “If there’s anyone else who would like to reveal themselves, now would be a good time!” He knew very well of your existence at this point. There was no point trying to hide, even if you didn’t want to let him know.

You simply said, “Hi.” He seemed to be trying to avoid talking directly to you. He might’ve noticed that the Traveler and Paimon seemed unaware of you. “You don’t have to worry about confusing the other two. At least, not until you see Paimon- or, the pixie, fairy thing again.” You forgot he (probably) didn’t know who Paimon was yet.

“Oh? And who might you be, then? I’ve never encountered anything like you. Perhaps one day you too, may be written into a bard’s tale.” 

“Call me [Y/N]. I want you to know now that I wasn’t put in this… situation by choice.” Venti looked a bit concerned. “I’ll explain later. We should get back to what we were talking about earlier, before we were… interrupted by that thing.”

“Alright [Y/N], if you say so… Seems the dragon wasn't the only thing affected by this change in the wind…” Your screen faded to black, and you were back in a cutscene. “Now then, you were saying someone had told you about the dragon?”

You stayed silent for most of the conversation, only reacting with:

“Oh.”

“Yay!”

“Woo-hoo!”

Next thing you knew, you were at the Cathedral, listening to Venti’s futile attempt to convince the nun to give him the Holy Lyre. 

“Shocked, aren't you? Don't you just want to cry out and rejoice? How does it feel to finally meet the god you've been serving?”

“If there's nothing else, I'll be going back to handle the Cathedral's paperwork now.”

“Wait-”

“I don’t think that worked.” You said, trying to show as little emotion as possible.

“Oh…” He sighed, pouting, glaring at the camera. “You're the hotshot of the Knights of Favonius, why don’t you give it a shot?” You just stared at him, hoping he could sense that.

And what do you know? It still didn’t work. What a surprise. Even when you said Paimon ate the papers, it didn’t work! You thought that would change things!

Venti commented on how it was unfair the best warrior did not receive the best sword; another tale fit for a ballad. You discussed stealing it, and now Aether was finally questioning Venti about what he had said.

“Your point being?” Venti seemed very nonchalant about his “secret identity” being revealed. Out of all of the archons so far, he was your favorite. 

You had a plan, and now you had to wait until “nightfall”, a.k.a. 6 in the evening! This was the part where you were meant to use the time skip feature you had been missing, right? You’d noticed the past two days that the time in Teyvat synced to your timezone, and there was no option to fast-forward. You didn’t have to wait a terribly long time, and thankfully, you had something to do to spend the time.

“Hey, wanna go to the Angel’s Share tavern for a bit? I think that I want to do some explaining there.” You asked Venti. You hoped Diluc was bartending, or at least in the building doing something.

“Ohoho, do I?” Oh no, what have you started? “I could never deny a visit to a tavern! The Dawn Winery’s wine truly is exquisite! Ah- wait, do you happen to have any Mora on you?”

You sighed. “I do, but I’m not going to be paying for alcohol. I have things to talk about, and I want you to remember them.”

“Oh, fine, fair enough. Well then, what are we waiting for? Let’s go! Hehe~” 

That laugh. That goddamn laugh.

Diluc wasn’t bartending, but you saw him come down from the third floor, unlocking the door to the stairwell so he could leave. You made your avatar jump up and down, saying “Hi!” to him. You hadn’t seen him since yesterday. He opened the door, and stopped at the base of the stairwell. Kaeya soon followed him, going down the stairs only to stop when he saw you. What were they doing up there?

“Ah. Hello.” Diluc looked around your avatar, probably checking for Paimon, and noticed Venti standing behind you. “Is there a reason why you’re here with this bard?”

“I do. I was hoping I’d find you here, and luckily, I did. I offered to take him here because I wanted to- you know what? Venti, you just tell them.”

“[Y/N] here said they wanted to do some explaining, right here in this most wonderful tavern, over a couple of drinks.” 

Kaeya and Diluc looked at you two for a moment, wide-eyed, surprised that Venti could hear you.

“Well, Diluc and I did just finish discussing things upstairs. I suppose we can go back up there to… fill your new friend here in.” Kaeya says, gesturing to the stairwell.

You tell him that sounds good, and the four of you headed upstairs, into a room full of wine barrels. It looked like it was their storage area.

Venti looked around in excitement, while you and the two brothers found a place to stand. “Don’t even think about touching anything. And don’t try to sneak a sip of anything without me knowing. All of these barrels are unopened, I’ll be able to tell if you’ve tampered with it.” Diluc definitely knew just how much Venti liked alcohol.

“So, what exactly are we talking about here? Everything we know, or shall we leave some details out?” Diluc asked.

“I at least want him to know who I am, and the very basics of what I’m doing, but yeah, everything. As much as possible.” You responded.

“Are you sure you trust him with this? You haven’t known him for very long, no? How can you be sure that he’s truly someone who should know this?” Kaeya seemed skeptical of Venti. Did he not want him to know for some reason?

“Yes, Kaeya, I trust him with this. Hey, come over here with me for a second.” You went to the corner of the room with him, and began to whisper to him. “Remember, I can see a bit of the future. I know who he is, and I trust him.” If anything, you trusted him more than Kaeya or Diluc. You thought the distrust some people had in the archons was reasonable, but you felt that you could trust Venti. You went back to the others. “Alright, where should we start?”

You discussed everything with them. It went very similarly to the conversation you had with just Kaeya and Diluc the other day, but this time, there was no panic, no anxiety. Everyone gave their thoughts about it, and any misunderstandings anyone had at this point were cleared up. You weren’t sure if they completely trusted you yet, especially considering what had happened with Kaeya earlier, but it seemed like they did trust you at least a little bit.

Now, as your avatar stood in the tavern, you were wondering;

“How much will my actions here affect things? Just when will that domino effect start?”

[studentbyday]

☕ december study challenge

i didn't do much schoolwork on friday, so i need to catch up! 🥺

📈 study stats (30 min):

S: 🍅🍅🍅 Su: 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

🎒 school/cs50:

finish reviewing biochem module 4 ✅ (i have a little more than 1 section left)

finish reviewing 4 pages of mol bio module 3 ✅ (😬 let's hope i remember it. out of all the courses i've taken this semester, i have the least solid background knowledge for this one...i haven't repeated the info enough times over a long-enough time period to be sure it'll stick yet 😅 at least for biochem, i have some "pegs" of solid background knowledge from physiology to hang the new content on...)

finish remainder of flask lecture (~50 mins) ✅

🩺 self-care:

physio exercises ✅✅

full body floor workout ✅

journal ✅

meditate ✅

🎶 winterstella - stella jang / appassionata, 3rd movt (piano sonata op. 57 no. 23) - beethoven / my day in music, sunday edition

💌 uuuuugggggghhhhhhhh lately not been feeling too good bc the dictionary of lost words is depressing ("poignant" as @zzzzzestforlife described it) and it makes me feel lonely along with school and whenever this happens (or i otherwise feel like a mess) i get in a philosophical mood. i have been in this mood for at least a month now (before i started the book but after midterm season). it used to only last about a week or 2 (every month, mind you ��). i can't wait to take philosophy so i can hopefully fix my brain by practicing being more rational and critical about *waves hands* whatever things my mind drifts to, to try to piece myself back together (which sometimes pulls me back apart with an existential crisis) 😅 (i also think the fact that some of the same thoughts i'm thinking have also been thought many times by others would be some comfort 🙂) but i think i'll only be able to take it the year after next bc of other (technically higher priority) subjects (for my field 🧬🦠) which...in better days i would be really excited about. i comfort myself by thinking the christmas break will restore me.

💌💌 also i'm not going to officially finish the dictionary of lost words anymore. i've slowly been reading the ending out of order so i basically know what happens and i saved the final major happy event for last. my final thoughts are that i want a relationship like esme's and gareth's but i want it to last longer than theirs did 😭 that's it. i can't deal with this depressing stuff anymore. maybe someday i'll come back to it, but right now i cannot. sometimes i ask myself why i feel so fragile these days...i'm not sure i know why... sometimes i get a feeling that smth is missing, but it will eventually pass as i fill my cup in other ways.

💌💌💌 recently discovered this channel and loving their hyperspecific titles that tell me exactly what vibes i should expect from the music. i especially like the chemistry playlist for studying (hot take but i'm not a huuggee fan of ludovico einaudi, but for studying, it's okay) and the playlist for "making your brain shut up"

[strawberrycamel]

15 Questions 15 Mutuals

The rules are: Answer the 15 questions and tag 15 of your mutuals.

Thanks @kinglazrus for the tag :D

1. Are you named after anyone? Technically yeah

2. When was the last time you cried? about a month ago i think; i was sitting in a pretty empty Tim Horton's and teared up about something or other that i've since forgotten about

3. Do you have kids? nope!

4. What sports do you play/have played? Track and Field, Softball, and Basketball briefly.

5. Do you use sarcasm? Me? Sarcasm? Never. ( :3 )

6. What's the first thing you notice about people? oh god dude i dont know, probably whatever's the most colourful thing on them

7. What's your eye color? Brown

8. Scary movies or Happy endings Happy endings pls. I can't handle scary movies at all.

9. Any talents? uhhhhhhhhhhh i dont think so

10. Where were you born? Canada

11. What are your hobbies? Writing, doodling, reading fic & fiction books, watching anime. Also playing a handful of very specific games.

12. Do you have any pets? no, BUT my cousin has a dog and he is a very sweet boy and i love him with all my heart

13. How tall are you? 5'7 and a half. or smth like that

14. Favourite subject in school Writer's Craft and. Accounting. [HEAR ME OUT, high school accounting classes were hella easy so i NEVER had homework to take home because i always got it done in class and then it was just. idk. weak sauce so most of the time i was goofing off.]

Runner ups are Marketing and International Business because I had the same teacher for that class and he didn't give a shit if you were late or absent or w/e, but if you were going out for food or something, he'd give you some cash and ask you to bring him some coffee and we were all chill. He let me use his empty classroom to eat lunch in too aaa. Mr. M you were quite literally the best. [Also, one time, despite being the Good Student and also taking the bus to school, the student council president was like "hey you wanna go to Tim's" and I was like "yeah sure" because I was playing it cool but genuinely. Ditching school to go to Tim's during school time as a high schooler was such a magical experience. okay im done now]

Favourite university class was Participatory Media and Communication hands fucking down, very specifically the assignments were always amazing and mostly carte blanche and the topics did not shy away from the harsh stuff and encouraged lots of discussion and analysis on the people and groups we were reading about. like, learning about the origins of BLM Canada, analyzing parts of The Finkelstein 5 by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah and Boys Go To Jupiter by Danielle Evans, the AIDS crisis in Canada, or how black queer people faired during the 80s. There was other stuff, but uh, *cough* those four bits really stuck with me for totally no reason whatsoever <- black queer person who likes learning about and discussing black, queer, and black queer history

15. Dream Job? shit man idk. whatever pays the bills and i don't hate completely. i dont really like the thing i majored in anymore, but woodworking/carpentry seems cool

Tags! @kawaiijohn @echoghost1 @sheepheadfred @goliath-de-senfina-sango @princessfanonanona @redead-red @ectoplasmicsoda @ln-ofx @grub-xd @ghost-pasta @themockingcrows @bubblegumbeech @redajcted @glorious-typo @basedstoutland

(feel free to join in or ignore)

[thunderheadfred]

It’s my birthday so as a gift to myself I’m listing all my personal growth from the last few months

Lost 50+ pounds, well on my way to shedding 100+. Did this very simply with zero self-hatred or shame. Intermittent fasting and sugar elimination were pretty much the only requirements. Took time to adjust and a willingness to cook more, but that was the only struggle. In addition to the weight loss, my inflammatory and immune problems have been greatly improved. Chronic fatigue is still with me, but isn’t dictating every second of my day, and I hope CFS continues to diminish as I get healthier. Resources I used are now helping my dad reverse pre-diabetes, which is the cherry on top.

Went through perhaps the worst existential crisis of my entire life (and boy howdy, I’m well-rehearsed) and didn’t die. Didn’t die so hard I actually woke up from decades of numbness and changed my entire life almost overnight. This “instant” change was enabled by several years of work via intensive outpatient, group therapy, 1-on-1 therapy, medication, and deep interior work I’ve done on my neurochemistry and mental health. It feels like foundations were laid for me to finally take a huge forward step into hope and change. I finally let God back in, and have felt vulnerable, humbled, and vibrantly alive in a way I haven’t experienced since childhood.

Started re-exploring my own spiritual health, perhaps the most difficult and intense part of this transformation. Deeply personal, difficult to find words. No labels for it. See re-enrolling in college, below. Much to learn. Adjacent to this, have encouraged Catholic husband to join an inter-faith climate group, which he did. His parish church now looks likely to form their own climate support group in addition.

Re-enrolled in college for fall 2023. Built a 3-year interdisciplinary plan to graduate with a major in Dakota Language and American Indian studies, with minors in sustainable agriculture, art history, and art.

Became involved in local politics; I’ve personally met my senator and congressperson and thanked them for their work. They know me by name and I will continue to keep up with legislation on local and federal levels, vote in every election, and advocate for policies I believe in.

Started educating myself on the policies that have shaped our current situation. This is often overwhelming, and I remind myself constantly to do it in stages, to not burn myself out or get lost in anger and hopelessness. Nevertheless, it must be done. In particular, I’m finding Robert Reich’s free YouTube course invaluable for this, though it has made me cry several times. Labor movements are taking off across the country and this gives me immense hope that I’m far from the only one sharing in this experience. Millions of us are waking up to our own democratic power, and we can change things together, one step at a time.

Also started researching absolutely everything about reducing my personal carbon footprint, increasing self-sufficiency, and having at least some baseline readiness for disaster scenarios, a process that continues. Immediately stopped eating beef and pork (and most meat, actually), stopped purchasing things online and from big box stores (whenever feasible) and started walking to our local grocery co-op several times a week.

Encouraged husband to get involved in our HOA, a goal he’s had since we moved but was unable to make good on because of his work schedule (now blessedly changed) - we will soon be making a concentrated effort to meet all of our neighbors, initiate neighborhood gatherings, and encourage green initiatives in our immediate community.

Joined the local arm of 350.org. Have already done tabling and multiple advocacy campaigns. Husband is on the clean transportation team, focused on bringing electric school buses to schools. I’m on the food systems team, currently working on expanding our state’s farmer’s market SNAP program so more people have access to affordable local produce.

Expanded my patio garden to several raised planters full of herbs that I’ve been regularly using. A few things didn’t work out, but I’m learning what thrives in that location and have grown the most delicious tomatoes I’ve ever eaten, with basically zero effort. Working on a plan to build a small deer-proof Three Sisters food garden in our limited backyard space.

Started my basement cannabis grow tent, have two plants thriving and bringing me joy when I talk to them every day and tell them what lovely ladies they are.

Converted all our household power draw to sustainable wind (this took all of one phone call to our utility provider) and in a few days we will have meters installed on both our hot water tank and our air conditioner, so those are cycled during peak hours for even less energy consumption.

Started fishing together with one of my oldest childhood friends and my dad. Went from zero outdoors experience to learning how to hook minnows without flinching and hold a beautiful emerald-green bass in my hands. An amazing experience that will continue through the season.

[saturnite0614]

hitting some major writer's block so in order to remind myself that I can do it, I'm sharing my favorite lines from each chapter of my on going fic. I haven't allowed myself of a lot of self-celebration in my life so I'm doing it now.

Chapter 1: Soap holds his hand up, "You need to let me finish. It's not fair, because no matter what you say, I still want to kiss you. And you're saying all this shite in a pub bathroom about how you want to be with me."

Chapter 2: All the insecurities he's buried since childhood peek out with ugly little eyes, watching the rest of his world crumble around him and waiting for the moment when they can crawl out on little arachnid legs.

Chapter 3: His feathery hope was born in crisis. It was born in the rain on the streets of Mexico, fed only by the gravelly tones of Ghost in his ears. His voice and eyes are all it knows. Now it's hammering for more. It wants to know it's not going to starve once the winter comes.

Chapter 4: "That person was happy. For the first time in months, I didn't feel like a living corpse and it was ripped away from me. Shutting it away meant I didn't have to feel their loss. I didn't have to mourn them. But when I'm with you, I am happy again. I'm that person and I have to feel them all over again." His voice breaks.

Chapter 5: A ghost on the stairwell and a reminder of their mission.

Chapter 6: "You're fucking beautiful, Johnny." There's a crack at the edge of his voice, "Just," he rubs his thumb across his cheekbone, "every part of you." His touches are so light now, as if Soap might break underneath them and given the last few days, he felt like he very much might, but not around Simon.

Chapter 7: He would focus on the movie and the candy before him. He had a life before Ghost and this weird obsession he could only partly get over by giving into it. Now he would live that life with Price and Gaz.

Chapter 8: “I’m home now.” Simon says. He itches to leave the mask there and truly move on. That’s what a healthy person would do. He wasn’t there yet. He’s big enough to accept that.

Chapter 9:  Ghost observes him, drinking in his profile – the slight way the bridge of his nose rounds downwards but the tip points slightly upwards, the thickness of his eyebrows, and the way his upper lip is almost tilted inwards, adding to the thinness of them. Ghost stares at this profile now, like he had then. But then, when Soap had turned back towards him, he froze.

Chapter 10: Ghost can’t help but mirror that smile. This is good. He did something right.

Chapter 11: At work, it's easier. You’re allowed to work yourself to the bone, carry exhaustion with you to bed and let it chase away any inklings of dreaming. Here, where there is nothing to do but relax, there is no defense against the past. Even Soap was slipping as an anchor. As he embraces his own past, Ghost loses his grip on the present.

Chapter 12: “You can sit and judge me all you want, everyone knows you’re bloody well good at it. I will be your target. I will be the fuck-up. But you will not talk about my sister or Simon in that way... He’s perfect because he loves her. Simon is perfect because he loves me. And it’s more than you have ever done for either of us."

Chapter 13: “Something wrong with your ears?” He bites his lip in the gorgeous smile of his, as if he’s trying to hide it entirely, or like he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

“Yeah, they’re burning. Say it again.” If he thought his own confession was electric, Simon’s was tenfold, stronger than any explosive he’s ever created. Already his skin crawls, itching out and reaching for those three words again.

[morrigan-rogue]

When it rains...

So these last couple of months have been awful. It all started with helping my brother. And even though I am still helping him, he constantly tells me how much he hates his life and everything about it. It really makes you feel like the help and support you are giving is unnoticed and unappreciated.

During helping him, I had a car accident. A very bad one. This led to serious and ongoing injuries. The injuries caused me to have to leave my job. They don't care about their staff. I signed an NDA but I was at a huge, nationwide hardware store. If you ever want to work there, go for it but only use it for experience and a reference. The bigotry, misogyny, bullying and harassment is real at this place. They were supposed to provide me with work as per my contract but because I kept asking questions and refusing to kiss arses, they refused to give me hours.

I also found out why my brother is constantly sick. His house was a mess. And I mean hoarders level bad. The smell knocked you back 3 feet on entering. His poor cat had eye infections, skin infections, and sinus infections. I have been working hard to heal His cat, all while being allergic to cats. He brought bacteria and viruses into my home as he was evicted. We all got very, very, very sick. Two months of being unable to move for 10 minutes without losing breath and becoming fatigued.

Then I had a house inspection during the height of this virus travelling through the home. I kept asking the agent to come when it was clean, but advised to bring PPE. She kept rescheduling. I had to pay for two skip bins to get rid of my brother's crap, and also to have the gardens maintained because I am physically unable to now. He has not helped. Apparently, the house was not acceptable, as they expected it to be show home presentable. Not even joking. And now, I have a week to move. I did everything they asked for. They want me out so they can raise the rent.

So, I am moving with my 4 kids and will soon be homeless as there is a major housing crisis in Western Australia. We cannot even get emergency accommodation as this is all full.

I need help. And for the first time, I am asking for it.

[fratboykate]

I’m kinda curious, how did you got so involve with industry. I know you’ve mentioned once or twice you work in the industry but I’ve heard it’s so hard to get your foot through the door.

It's never been easy but now it's damn near impossible to break in unless you're connected somehow. I was one of the last people to sneak in and start climbing up the ladder 11-12 years ago. Now I write and direct films and TV for studios, streamers, and broadcast. Even to get a PA job on a big set you have to know seven people and one of them has to be your aunt or dad 😮‍💨

There's truly a hiring crisis for writers right now which is part of the reason you'll most likely see us striking in the coming months. I don't know if you guys remember the huge writer's strike of 2007-2008 where the industry came to a halt for a year and a ton of shows got cancelled because of it but you guys should brace because unless something major shifts in the studios (it won't) in the next...idk...2-3 months another general writer's strike is happening come May (I think that's when our contract expires) and writers are ready to tell the studios to go to hell because they're FUCKING us in every way you can imagine. And you nearly avoided a crew strike by a hair over the pandemic but IATSE contracts are up again I think next year and they're probably going to strike for real this time when it's up. The DGA (Director's union) might strike when their contract is up too. So...you guys have had it good but get ready for a few years of mayhem because we're fed up with the people who reap billions in profit paying the people who actually make their content peanuts for 18 hour work days and six day work weeks. We're abused and exploited in endless ways. That has to end.

The industry is in shambles and the hope is that we're going to try and reform it in real meaningful ways over the next couple years. But IATSE did try during the pandemic and their union leaders sold them out so...we'll see how it goes with this looming writer's strike. I'm just saying, if you guys have to wait 2-3 years for new seasons of shows because we go on strike this spring don't come for t writers. We're just fighting for our livelihoods. Get mad at the billion dollar studios who refuse to be fair.

[phantom-le6]

Ramble of the month March 2023: What if Batman Begins had begun the DCEU?

Another late ramble this month, I’m afraid.  I had planned to write this up and more during a recent week off, but an atypically long walk took a lot of my energy, and it’s taken me the better part of a week to rest and recover from that. Anyway, after spending last month using the X-Men to x-toll the virtues of being mindful over accents in adaptational media, this month I’m shifting over the world of DC Comics.  By now, many of us are aware that DC is about to undergo a reboot of its live-action film universe, and some are pointing to all manner of behind-the-scenes issues on this, wasting time finger-pointing and so on.

 For me, this is no surprise; DC’s home animation film run the DCAMU recently underwent a similar reboot, with the so-called Tomorrow-verse now in the process of being released over however many films that will last.  This is also no surprise, because rebooting is DC’s stock-in-trade; ever since the Crisis on Multiple Earths crossover event on the 1980’s, DC has used reboots to update, simplify and so on with the source material. In that sense, it makes DC a more flexible source material to adapt because the source material is regularly being cancelled and started over.  That, in turn, means that the very concept of “canon” becomes rather a loose term in this area.

 However, the one thing that does come to mind with all this is why didn’t the DCEU start sooner?  When I consider DC’s live-action offerings from the era preceding 2013’s Man of Steel, they had a very good thing going with the Dark Knight trilogy, in-between the films of which were poorer offerings like Superman Returns and Green Lantern.  These were poor less due to casting and more poor handling by those working behind the scenes, but nonetheless the question remains; what if DC and Warner Brothers had had the vision to use Batman Begins as the start-point for a wider DC cinematic universe?

 The idea isn’t totally fantastic, given that DC created the Justice League in the 1950’s or 1960’s, as a modernised successor to the Justice Society of the 1940’s, and indeed Stan Lee’s first Marvel comics title the Fantastic Four was created as competition for the Justice League, with the Avengers coming later. As such, it would have made sense for DC to lead the way again, to one-up the viable superhero films made by Fox and Sony with Marvel film-rights by not only taking their heroes seriously, but working towards a Justice League film.

Last year, I did a few rambles looking at how a real 90’s MCU would look, and this ramble will be going down the same route, only this time using Batman Begins as a starting point instead of reinventing everything from scratch.  So, without further ado, here’s the first stage of a DCEU with Batman Begins, well, beginning it…

2005: Batman Begins

2006: Man of Steel

2007: Wonder Woman

2008: The Dark Knight, Green Lantern

2009: The Flash, Man of Steel 2

2010: Aquaman, Justice League

 This first stage re-works 2006’s Superman Returns with a film that bears the title of Snyder’s 2013 film, though as I’ll show in a moment, it’s very much adjusted to correct some of that film’s issues. Wonder Woman is then brought forward a full decade, after which the films shift to 2 per year, levelling up to 3 per year only after the first Justice League film.  In the two-per-year part of this stage, we bring back the Dark Knight largely as was, give GL a major overhaul compared to the 2011 version, then we have a Flash film without going into Flashpoint.  After that, a follow-up film for Superman and a solo film for Aquaman fill up the time pre-Justice League.  Now let’s look at these films one by one for a bit more detail…

Batman Begins (2005) Directed by Christopher Nolan

Bruce Wayne/Batman = Christian Bale

Alfred Pennyworth = Michael Caine

Ducard/Ra's Al Ghul = Liam Neeson

Fake Ra's Al Ghul = Ken Watanabe

Lucius Fox = Morgan Freeman

Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow = Cillian Murphy

Rachel Dawes = Katie Holmes

Carmine Falconie = Tom Wilkinson

James "Jim" Gordon = Gary Oldman

Commissioner Loeb = Colin McFarlane

Det. Flass = Mark Boone Junior

 As I’ve said, the first film of this alternate DCEU is almost completely unchanged.  The only difference might be the odd newspaper or computer screen hinting at a wider universe; copies of the Daily Planet, computers in the bat-cave trolling the databases of Star Labs or Lex Corp for info on Scarecrow’s fear toxin, and so on.  These subtle hints could also be joined by the odd spoken reference to those companies being rivals to Wayne Enterprises.  Nothing major, just a little hint here and there that while the Batman is alone in Gotham, he is part of a larger world.

Man of Steel (2006) Directed by Roland Emerich

Superman/Kal-El/Clark Kent = Brandon Routh

Lois Lane = Kate Bosworth

Martha Kent = Diane Lane

Jonathan Kent = Kevin Costner

General Zod = Michael Shannon

Jor-El = Russell Crowe

Lara Lor-Van = Marina Sirtis

Faora-Ul = Lucy Lawless

Dr Emil Hamilton = Richard Schiff

Dr Silas Stone = Rocky Carroll

General Swanwick = Harry Lennix

Perry White = Sam Neill

Jimmy Olsen = Rider Strong

 Now we’re getting to our first Superman instalment, and there’s some major shifts here.  I’ve kept the Superman and Lois from Superman Returns, while taking the Kents, Zod, Jor-El, Hamilton and Swanwick all from the Snyder Man of Steel. Everyone else is my own selection, and I put Roland Emerich in as director because let’s face it, if you want Zod’s group coming over like the first contact out of Independence Day, you get that film’s director to come along and do it.  I also add in Dr Silas Stone as a nod to the idea of Cyborg showing up down the line, albeit in his original Teen Titans role (the Titans being deserving of some serious film exploration instead of being increasingly kiddified in animation).

 Plot-wise, the film follows a similar thrust to the Snyder Man of Steel, but without the stupid death scene for Jonathan Kent, not to mention having Superman be more guarded with his dual identity.  The film would also be tonally and visually lighter without being goofy, cheesy or cliché (all something Superman can too easily become if you get the wrong people involved).

Wonder Woman (2007) Directed by Gates McFadden

Diana/Wonder Woman = Kate Beckinsale

Steve Trevor = Heath Ledger

Hippolyta = Connie Nielsen

Antiope = Robin Wright

Etta Candy = Lucy Davies

Ares = David Thewlis

Enrich Luddendorf = Danny Hutson

Dr Isabel Maru/Doctor Poison = Jolene Blalock

Sameer = Saïd Taghmaoui

Charlie = Ewen Bremner

Chief = Robert Beltran

 Couple of Trek links here, the first of which being that it’s Gates McFadden, the actress who once played Dr Beverley Crusher, that I’d be putting in charge.  While Gates was saddled with one of the worst Trek stories imaginable back when she was allowed to direct a TNG episode, she did as a good job with it as could be done, and DC’s best move on the 2017 Wonder Woman was putting a woman in the director’s chair.  This is the first female superhero in comics, so it makes sense to have a woman directing the film as well as leading it in front of the camera.  The other Trek link is Robert Beltran, who is one of the few actors I know of that could play the Native American character from the 2017 film if it was being done in 2007.

 Cast-wise, a lot of changes and a lot of carry-overs, with most of the latter being in the supporting cast.  Going back to 2007, Kate Beckinsale is the obvious pick of that era for Wonder Woman, and I’ve picked Heath Ledger for Steve Trevor because I suspect he’d do better in that role than as the Joker, both in acting terms and to avoid exacerbating the mental health issues that led to his suicide in real life.  In terms of plot, it’s kind of similar to the original film, but with a change to any framing scenes at either end of the film to account for the change in continuity.  Also, there’d be a behind-the-scenes memo that nothing in later Wonder Woman films set pre-present day can contradict how she appears in the present.

The Dark Knight (2008) Directed by Christopher Nolan

Bruce Wayne/Batman = Christian Bale

Alfred Pennyworth = Michael Caine

The Joker = Willem Dafoe

Harvey Dent/Two-Face = Aaron Eckhart

Lucius Fox = Morgan Freeman

Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow = Cillian Murphy

Rachel Dawes = Katie Holmes

James "Jim" Gordon = Gary Oldman

Commissioner Loeb = Colin McFarlane

Sal Maroni = Eric Roberts

 With this film, there’s a couple of changes in the cast.  First of all, the scheduling conflict that prevented Katie Holmes reprising her role as Rachel Dawes wouldn’t have occurred, and second, with Heath Ledger having played Steve Trevor in Wonder Woman, that frees up the role of Joker for Willem Dafoe, one of the few common fan-casts of the internet I can agree with.  Here, the bigger change is with regards to the plot; since Batman is gearing up to work with other heroes in the Justice League, having him take the blame for Harvey’s crimes as Two-Face wouldn’t work.

 Instead, Batman provides Gordon with falsified evidence that Dent only committed his crimes under duress from the Joker following his scarring, and both men live to be incarcerated in Arkham Asylum.  This strains the Batman/Gordon relationship, but a hint is left that the two men may yet reconcile.  Maybe not the iconic ending we got on the original, but better if you’re making something in a wider universe instead a stand-alone trilogy.

Green Lantern (2008) Directed by Matthew Vaughan

Green Lantern/Hal Jordan = Ben Affleck

Carol Ferris = Liv Tyler

Carl Ferris = Kurt Russell

Tom Kalmaku = Taika Waititi

Andy = Connor Trinneer

Biff = Josh Lucas

William Hand/Black Hand = Wes Bentley

Atrocitus = Liev Schreiber

Thaal Sinestro = Mark Strong

Kilowog = Tyrese Gibson

Tomar-Re = Hugh Laurie

Salaak = Dominic West

Abin Sur = Jude Law

Arisia Rrab = Anna Paquin

Ganthet = Patrick Stewart

Sayd = Glenn Close

Appa Ali Apsa = Hugo Weaving

 Major overhaul was always going to be needed here, because let’s face it, the 2011 Green Lantern film was not brilliant.  There’s a number of reasons for that, starting with the rushing of the Parallax story arc, so that’s totally removed and replaced with the Hal Jordan origin arc as shown in the pre-Blackest Night reboot, complete with Black Hand and Atrocitus as the main antagonists.  Second, the film will also take a more GL Corp-centric approach to its opening act, and does a longer time-span for the training montage when Hal joins the corps.

 Third is the matter of casting; Taika Waititi and Mark Strong are the only actors remaining from the 2011 version, and I’ve put in Ben Affleck and Liv Tyler for Hal Jordan and Carol Ferris simply because while the film Armageddon isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, Affleck and Tyler did well as an on-screen couple, and it’s a cool nod back to that film.  I’ve also tried to incorporate more named corps members, plus some bigger-name actors for the Guardians.  Needless to say, I think Patrick Stewart, Glenn Close and Hugo Weaving as the main ones is some quality casting.  Finally, I put Matthew Vaughan in as director based on his work on X-Men: First Class.

The Flash (2009) Directed by JJ Abrams

Barry Allen/The Flash = Matt Damon

Iris West = Drew Barrymore

Det. Ira West = William Sadler

Dr Henry Allen = Harrison Ford

Darryl Fyre = William Russ

Capt. Singh = Faran Tahir

Patty Spivot = Cameron Diaz

Tina McGee = Pauley Perrette

Captain Cold/Leonard Snart = Rob Lowe

Heatwave/Mick Rory = Ron Perlman

Captain Boomerang/Digger Harkness = Hugh Jackman

Mirror Master/Sam Scudder = Terrence Howard

Golden Glider/Lisa Snart = Parkey Posey

Weather Wizard/Mark Mardon =��Michael Fassbender

 While Abrams’ work on Star Wars is questionable at best, his work on the Star Trek reboot films has earned him a place in this alternative DCEU as the director of the Flash.  Now since 2009 was when Flash was rebooting the DC Comics universe by way of Flashpoint, this film would inevitably avoid going down that route.  Instead, the film would be more a classic origin arc that pits Barry Allen against the Rogues.  Keeping the plot this simple allows a bit more leeway to pad it out by looking into who Barry is, what he can do with his powers and so on.

 Cast-wise, thinking ahead to the idea of a Justice League film, I had to pick Matt Damon just to get him paired up with Ben Affleck again (the two having previously worked together on films like Dogma and Good Will Hunting).  The rest of the cast is a veritable star-studded line-up, with Drew Barrymore chosen as Iris because she and Damon voice-acted together on the animated film Titan A.E. and I wanted to recreate that duo. NCIS fans will also note a role in this for now-former actress Pauley Perrette, largely because the role is for a forensic scientist and the film is about a forensic scientist superhero.  If that’s not something screaming out for the woman that played Abbey Sciuto, I don’t know what is.

 Man of Steel 2 (2009) Directed by Ron Howard

Superman/Kal-El/Clark Kent = Brandon Routh

Lois Lane = Kate Bosworth

J'onn J'onzz/Martian Manhunter = Chiwetel Ejiofor

Martha Kent = Diane Lane

Jonathan Kent = Kevin Costner

Jor-El = Russell Crowe

Dr Emil Hamilton = Richard Schiff

Lex Luthor = Kelsey Grammer

John Corbin/Metallo = Orlando Bloom

Eve Teschmacher = Jennifer Lawrence

Mercy Graves = Scarlett Johansson

General Swanwick = Harry Lennix

Perry White = Sam Neill

Jimmy Olsen = Rider Strong

Cat Grant = January Jones

Steve Lombard = Josh Brolin

Capt. Maggie Sawyer = Jeri Ryan

Insp. Turpin = Colin Farrell

For our second Superman solo film, the helm shifts to Ron Howard, and we get into the more classic Superman vs Lex Luthor dynamic.  This time, however, we take a very different tack to Snyder’s Batman vs Superman.  This time, Clark Kent is struggling with his Superman identity because his nature as an alien is outed in that identity and the public struggles to accept this, something magnified by the anti-alien businessman Lex Luthor.  In this story, Superman meets and gets advice from fellow alien J’onn J’onzz, the Martian Manhunter, and the main physical threat comes from Metallo, an anti-alien radical that Luthor turns into a Kryptonite-powered cyborg.

 Here again, we get a lot of star power in among the new cast, and again, we’re not necessarily going to see Superman being casual with his dual identity. The MCU might play it that way, Snyder might play it that way; I don’t, and I hope James Gunn doesn’t either.  The superhero secret identity concept is important, especially to superheroes like Superman who founded the concept, and I wouldn’t want any film in this alternate DCEU to pretend otherwise.

Aquaman (2010) Directed by Jonathan Frakes

Arthur Curry/Aquaman = Chris Pine

Thomas Curry = Bill Pullman

Atlanna = Kim Catrall

Mera = Felicity Jones

Orm/Ocean Master = Taylor Kitsch

Vulko = Jonathan Frakes

Dr Stephen Chin = Tadanobu Asano

Black Manta = Idris Elba

If reviewing Trek shows and having already worked a few other Trek alumni into this DCEU isn’t making it clear that I like Trek, having the Aquaman film be directed by and feature Jonathan Frakes should. This guy is a good director and actor, and I’d be curious to see what he might have done with a superhero like Aquaman. Bringing that film forward to 2010 certainly requires making some changes to James Wan’s version, as does the fact that one actor from the 2018 film is already cast in another role within this alternate DCEU.

 For the lead actor, I’ve put in Chris Pine just because I think he’s a closer aesthetic match to the source material.  This then brings about changes all across the board, with swapping out Amber “husband-hurter” Heard being the most crucial.  In her place, we have Felicity Jones, another rare instance where I agree with the internet fan-casting of others.  Frakes plays Vulko in addition to directing the film, and so on.  Plot-wise, the film is similar to the 2018 film in places, but shows Arthur only learning who he is as an adult, and his mother usurped instead of believed executed, among other changes.

Justice League (2010) Directed by Steven Spielberg

Bruce Wayne/Batman = Christian Bale

Superman/Kal-El/Clark Kent = Brandon Routh

Diana/Wonder Woman = Kate Beckinsale

Green Lantern/Hal Jordan = Ben Affleck

Barry Allen/The Flash = Matt Damon

J'onn J'onzz/Martian Manhunter = Chiwetel Ejiofor

Arthur Curry/Aquaman = Chris Pine

Snapper Carr = Josh Duhamel

Protex/Robert Grey = Keith David/Chris Evans

Primaid/Carla Jones = Zoe Saldana

Armek = Kevin Michael Richardson

Fluxus = Michael Dorn

A-Mortal = David Warner

Tronix = Eric Bana

Zenturion = Dominic Keating

ZüM = James Marsden

Alfred Pennyworth = Michael Caine

Lois Lane = Kate Bosworth

General Swanwick = Harry Lennix

 I often wonder what a Spielberg superhero film would be like, so I figure Justice League would be a good project for him to helm. Unlike the 2017 live action film, we’re not doing anything related to Darkseid on this one, nor are we taking any plot already used by an animated Justice League film.  Instead, this is based on the JLA: New World Order arc by Grant Morrison.  In that arc, a group of alien super-beings come to Earth, supposedly to help, but turn out to be White Martians, the villainous counter-parts to the peaceful Green Martians like J’onn J’onzz.

 As a result, we get a more interesting plot for our heroes, and one that allows the one founding league member without a solo film of his own more plot-time.  A few key supporting cast members from past films also come back, and we also get Snapper Carr worked in, taking the same tack as the Justice League animated series and showing the League’s long-time “sidekick” as a reporter covering the events that transpire.  As to the Martians, I purposely double-cast their leader because all Martians in DC lore are shape-shifters, so I thought having one change actors with a shape-shift would be cool.

 So, that’s my alternate DCEU with Batman Begins as the kick-off point, or at least up as far as a first Justice League film.  If anyone wants to see more of this alternate film universe, or the 90’s Marvel one I did rambles on last year, please let me know.  Until the next ramble, ta-ta for now.

[tyonfs]

monthly(ish) 🎀 update!

heyyy! it’s me. i haven’t done one of these in sooo long 😭 i figure i should start with what everyone is waiting on, arsal. truth be told i did not listen to anyone’s advice and im still hopelessly in love with him and it doesn’t help much that we’re both playing this back and forth hard to get game. truly it’s so like. draining to have him constantly on my mind. i think the problem is because when we were kids i liked him a little bit and now that all this dawned down on me it just became even worse because he truly is one of the first guys i’ve really really liked.

i’ve always had a bad track record with situationships and hookups and i never really really liked any guy i’ve ever talked to or been with but with arsal it’s so different. like even when i don’t talk to him something about him just makes me gravitate towards him. sigh it’s so hard being a girl 💔

speaking of guys randomly cameron called me one night after like 3 months of no contact and said he wanted me again and i told him i didn’t miss him and he called me a slut and said that’s why im incapable of love which is crazy because he is the first guy i admitted that fear to so good to know! he was drunk but it still made me feel a certain way.

back to less important things, currently im laying in bed in my hometown and it feels so surreal because it’s my last winter here and it’s just, hitting me. like ill actually have to leave this place i call home and it just sucks.

ENOUGH SAPPY THINGS! let’s go into more drama. basically i have a trio ish kinda thing with my main circle of friends, one is my best friend for ever i love that girl and the other is one of my guy friends and we absolutely hate him. he is such a man and it’s so disgusting how he talks about his ex. and he likes to act like he has a crush on both me and my friend it’s so weird.

kpop.. oh kpop. i’ve completely fell out of kpop once like school started again. i haven’t listen to any music or read a single fic since i fell out. i think it might be for good this time. but that does NOT mean ill ever stop sending in my updates, we are pen pals forever until somehow someone deletes my tumblr account and your account disappears.

god what else can i talk about. i turned 20 this year. so surreal truly. i blew out my candles and i think i stared at the cake in silence. i don’t even know whats happening to me at this point. i genuinely feel like im going through a (not mid) mid life crisis.

ANYWAYS. i know this isn’t like majority of my updates, everything is all over the place. and the vibes r off :( how are you doing alice? you mentioned you’re moving that’s exciting! is the place nice?? give me some updates girl i miss you!!

yours truly - 🎀

PLEASEEE 😭😭 i support you but also don't let him play you queen 😞🙏 i totally get the old flame reigniting type of crush tho it's so easy to fall back on the familiarity too :') i think also having a lot of good memories with someone makes it easier to keep thinking about those and looking forward to more 🤧

CAMERON??: 🙅‍♀️ NOOO also what the fuck?? what a dick :/ that is such a terrible thing to say intoxicated or not i absolutely HATEE when men just throw around derogatory words and put women down 😭 and i hope you told him off bestie, and if you didn't then i support going off on him whenever you want (or just ghosting for your mental health!!!) 🙏

it's always hard to leave home 🥹🥹 it feels so bittersweet cause you're excited about being on your own and living independently but it also feels like you're leaving behind the safety net :(( also GOD time to turn that trio into a duo cause why does he put down his ex and treat you guys like that?? :(

yes i love hearing from you so i'm glad we established the little pen pal communication 🥹🥹 but no i totally understand, i fall out a little too when life gets too busy :') but it's nice that kpop is something you can always come back to whenever you want (even if it feels like you're missing a lot of context since the industry is growing fast HAHAH)

the almost quarter life crisis is so real 🤧 i experience birthday sadness like every year even if i'm having a really good time <//3 it's just the fear of growing up and life changing as you take on more responsibilities, but you're not alone!! i hope that offers some comfort but we're all in the same boat struggling to feel like adults 💝💝

but yes the move is all done and the place is really nice !!! i've been meeting a lot of my neighbors and they're all very sweet and friendly, so it feels like a very supportive community 🥹 i've currently been deep in a reading phase so i've just been stalking goodreads like whenever i have free time 😭 i've also been talking to someone !! since like ?? november i think but omg my flight instincts are kicking in so bad i've been fighting the urge to ghost since december bc i'm so nervous ab this stuff 🏃‍♂️ like i'm just a girl omg....... but other than that i've been meeting up with friends and having a good time 🥰 OH and i Might go to coachella but we'll see because tickets are kinda..... ☹️ my wallet's gonna die and i wanna see svt this year sooo

currently my little project is this seungkwan harry potter fic that i started in december 🤧 but my goddd it's at 20k words and i'm barely a third of the way through <//3 but it's been fun to write!! so i hope i don't run out of fuel when i'm done HAHAH but i hope you've been doing well love !! 🫶🫶

[show-pony-online]

name: Show Pony

date uploaded into body: 9/26/23

satus: unknown

activity: low

danger: low

for more information contact [ @kerosene-saint ]

((

run by a minor, my name is Pete or Javic

I don't post a whole lot cause I'm chronically ill and have a low amount of spoons forever and ever. so if it takes me a while to respond to something or if I don't make a boatload of original posts you know why

show has been a character I've been running for over a year now so I have my little specifics,

if you have any questions abt them or their back story or what they look like feel free to message me! I'm also free to do major plot points if you'd want to do that 👍 just make sure to message me an idea or several first.

please don't be rude to me.

I'm not okay with smut generally and show pony is dating Jet Star, as much as they're poly I'm not really interested in doing any kind of romance or flirting or anything atm

brief summary of the ALMOST TWO YEARS WORTH OF LORE ON THIS GUY below

Basically Show was an droid originally, specifically the kind made to take care of children in daycares or schools. They were also a paper boy for Dr Death (someone who runs up and down the zones gathering information for someone). They also started dating Jet Star (the one run by Charlie infinity-on-hiii). Then they got killed by... someone????? I don't actually remember. and were taken away to Battery City. There they were turned into a sort of experimental super weapon of sorts, similar but not exactly like Alex (the droid who replaced kobra kid in the fab four line up from 2022/early 2023), who was named Maria (she/her pronouns). Then they were released in the Zones and had the mission to kill Jet Star (or maybe the rest of the fab four left, I don't remember T-T but they went and attacked Jet Star first) which didn't end up going well and they regained parts of their memory. Then for a while Maria didn't come back and so they kinda just assumed she was gone. They went through a whole transformation, going from Maria's black Bob and all white clothes to pink hair and pink and black clothes.

they were super epic I know I know. Anyways Maria came back and she had a whole fucking crisis over Show Pony's new look and the fact that she isn't herself really. So she ran away to the middle of the desert. Show Pony ended up tying themself to a rock and calling for tech help over their radio. They managed to get help in the form of someone willing to help remove her code, but in a firefight with dracs that person died (the blog got discontinued and we never fully cleared up the canon reason they disappeared so I'm retconning sorry). Basically when Maria didn't return back to BLind or respond to any tries for contact they knew they had failed in turning Show Pony into a different person. So they kidnapped them again and did something else, shoving Show Pony's conscious (minus Maria) into a human body. turns out that body they put them into is chronically ill and they did that to keep them from being more powerful (AKA to stop them from killing more dracs, etc.). and now we're here. Show lives in the Diner (I think?), doesn't work for Dr Death anymore, and has spent the last couple months in and out of consciousness. Oh also they look like the music video version of themself atm.

PICTURES OF WHAT SHOW LOOKED LIKE THROUGH THE ERAS:

original show pony:

note the leather jacket, it says "show off" on the back of it. key parts of their design: pale, nearly white skin, doll like joints, blue skirt, leather jacket, blue eyes, black roller skates and black boots, white fingerless gloves

maria:

key parts of design: all white suit, black shirt, white or grey tie, more straight and clean cut hair, doll joints, shoes can be flats or heels

after regaining control over maria:

key parts of design: show off leather jacket is back but with pink stripes now, black roller skates are back but with pink wheels and toe stops, white boots, pink ombre tights/leggings, pink shorts, pink shirt, doll joints, hair is now in a fauxhawk and bright pink, pink heart shaped sunglasses, white bandana, white fingerless gloves

after becoming human/current:

key parts of design: og white shirt, og white gloves, og leather jacket (pink stripes fell off), pink heart sunglasses, black shorts, pink shoes, blue leggings, blue bandana, hair is black but wavier now, darker skin tone, nose piercing, beauty mark

[moldybits]

found this art notebook from 6th grade last night. which apparently is something i have happened to find every 3 years since 2011. and we have been adding to the drawings every 3 years to watch ourselves grow

i asked my partner what they think is so significant about every 3 years that brings me back.

host changes. every 3 years there has been a life event that has lead to the system changing.

Luna got her start in 2011, when we were going through a lot of bullying and nd problems. Psych drew in 2014, when she was being actively religiously traumatized. Leo drew in 2017, after he split after a death in the family and had a religious crisis. We were about to realize we had DID after our bipolar dx in 2020 with a Leo/Psych drawing.

And now 2023. It is me, Ravenna. Hosting with Psych (who still wants to draw her own wolf too lol). Our major life event? Well in December ‘22, we planned on committing suicide. It was a miracle it didn’t happen. And the past 6 months have been dealing with that and trying to move forward. It’s been a lot of healing and re-examining our life. Self-exploration and self-love.

curious to see what 2026 will look like

[lunasalix]

My grandmother tried to kill herself last week. She has bipolar disorder which she refuses to treat because she likes the manic phases. It got really bad after she married her current husband, C. C is a rapey misogynist, chronic cheater, feral Trump supporter, and just all-around unpleasant. The entire family dislikes him, though most won’t admit it out loud. 

Suddenly, her manic and depressive phases became more pronounced - spiraling into her buying a house she couldn’t afford, fully furnishing it, deciding it needed major remodeling, getting into fights with contractors who understandably walked out, and eventually reselling it at a loss years later, meanwhile going through her various phases and at some points talking about moving there and leaving C. 

Her depressive phases first involved listlessness, but progressed quickly into severe alcoholism. C hid these incidents from the family until it eventually hit crisis level. He covered for her until the times when when she fell and broke her arm, when she fell and gashed her face open, and when she laid in bed without eating for over 2 weeks straight. We only found out when she was in a hospital. 

After the overdose death of my step brother a year and a half ago, she swore off of alcohol. We believed her. She would talk on and on about how his father saved her life by sharing my step brother’s story. Soon after my step brother’s death, she lost one of her brothers to alcoholism. A month later, she lost a nephew to the same thing. 5 months after that, she lost another brother to cancer. We waited for the other shoe to drop, still believing when she said she was done with alcohol. 

Turns out, she had been drinking herself into a stupor for weeks at a time all year long. Last Thursday, C went out to run errands at noon, thinking he had locked up all the alcohol in the house and taking her keys with him. She had made a spare key in secret and used it to buy 1.75L of liquor, which she proceeded to drink 3/4th of over the course of 2 hours before he returned. He took the rest of the bottle, but did nothing else. She told him between episodes of unconsciousness that she was trying to kill herself. He waited until the next morning to call an ambulance. She told them she was trying to kill herself, too. She was in the ICU for 2 days waiting for her BAC to drop enough so that she could be analyzed by a psychiatrist, because even a day later, she was at a blood alcohol content of 2.76. 

She is now in a psychiatric hospital, and my mom (a psych nurse) thinks she will likely be released this coming Friday after a 1-week involuntary hold. She is currently in a manic phase and is saying that she will not be returning home to C, but doesn’t know where she will go yet and is refusing all offers to stay with family. She is also talking about divorce - which is huge given her extremely religious background. My mom is afraid that she will wind up on the streets. While I agree with my grandmother that returning to C is probably not the best idea, the fact that she has no backup plan and no money of her own is worrisome... not to mention her inability to care for herself. 

Here’s the thing about my grandmother: this woman has lived through enough health issues to cripple a small town. She started out with lymphoma when she was almost 40 years old. Shortly after, arthritis set in. Skip forward 20 years, and it was lung cancer from all the smoking. The treatment from that left her with a “wasting disease” that ate away at her muscles and nervous tissue for 2 years before doctors were able to successfully treat it. Another 5 years, and one of her breast implants leaked and gave her breast cancer. Countless skin cancer operations - thankfully all minor.  The arthritis made her hands unusable about 15 years ago, forcing her into disability and early retirement. The lack of routine didn’t help with her bipolar disorder. A few months ago, her emphysema became so severe that she could no longer walk across her own home without getting out of breath, and forget stairs! 

It has been years since she has been capable of doing any of the things she loves. Most of these issues will never improve. There is no treatment or cure for arthritis or emphysema. Nothing will fix her many autoimmune disorders that lead to regular, hospitalization-level illnesses. Her life will not get much better, even without C, bipolar disorder, and alcoholism. In fact, it’s likely to get worse. 

This woman helped raise me. My mom and I lived with her for the first 2 years of my life, and I stayed with her every other weekend for my entire childhood and teenage years. We used to be extremely close before C came into the picture. She was my childhood hero, confidant, advocate, and teacher. It was through her that I found my love of the medical field and science. I don’t want her to suffer. I understand why she has done what she has. I hold nothing against her. The thought of losing her is unimaginably painful, but I feel that it is unethical to keep her locked away or under strict supervision for the rest of her years for fear that she might choose not to live when it is HER life. It is her choice. I have always supported the idea of physician-assisted suicide for the elderly and terminally ill, assuming the proper precautions are taken. I can’t change that opinion just because it’s my grandma and I don’t want to say goodbye yet. It’s not my life to choose. It’s not my suffering to endure or not. 

I guess I’m doing my mourning now, knowing that she doesn’t have long left either way. I will support her in whatever choice she makes, and I want her to know that without being too forthright. I have always supported her choices when the rest of the family fought her. That isn’t going to change now. 

[ineffectualdemon]

So something very interesting is happening.

Last year, as I said in an earlier post, I deferred my level 3 module with the Open University as I was struggling with my mental health. 

I deferred after about a month and a half. 

For context of where I was then versus where I am now here’s a brief timeline of my mental health for the last year:

End of August 2021 I went to the emergency room in a mental health crisis. 

Start of September 2021 I started seeing a private therapist weekly to unpack my CPTSD and other mental health issues

February 2022: Therapy moved to every other week.

April 2022: Therapy moves to once a month

July 2022: My therapist felt I did not need to see her at the moment 

August 2022: I formally stop seeing my therapist for the foreseeable future

It’s important to know that the module I am studying is the exact same material as last year. It’s the same course with the exact same resources and material. I even have the same tutor. 

So it’s amazing to me how much fucking easier it is this year. 

You have to understand that last year I was struggling to keep up with the material. I would read the same sentence like 9 times because I just could not understand it. The material felt so impossibly dense and obtuse. I felt so stupid and like there was no way I could ever get my degree because I could not understand what I was reading. 

I quit and deferred after only completing one assignment which I passed but with one of the lowest grades I’ve ever gotten. 

I felt so dumb and the course felt so impossibly difficult. 

So it’s incredible to me how fucking easy I’m findint it now in comparison. 

I’m zooming through the chapters. We’re given a study planner to follow that starts the first of October. Last year, even starting early, I was constantly falling behind. 

This year I’m on week 3 when we just officially started week 1. 

Concepts I found impenetrable last year are easy to understand this year. 

I’m reading things once and getting the information as opposed to 8 or 9 times and still feeling like I don’t get it. 

I have to stress that nothing about this course work has significantly changed. I haven’t touched any of the materials since last November. I am coming into this fresh and the only major change is I am not currently in a mental health crisis or struggling with my mental health. 

For the first time I have clear proof of how mental health affects my day to day life and ability to do things. How much it affects me and how I process information. 

It’s really incredible to me the difference between my abilities. I wasn’t stupid and I’m not stupid. I was just in a crisis and not able to function at full capacity. 

I knew my mental health affected my life and my ability to function but I didn’t know how much it affected my cognitive abilities. 

And now I have proof of how much it affects me and that’s wild to me. 

And I don’t know, I just find the evidence in my own life really amazing and worth talking about.