#like is it supposed to be hot? cos that shit is just fucking horrifying are you kidding me

[gayrika]

god i fucking hate the like idk trope of a character getting attacked or chased or whatever while she's naked

[luveline]

Hi I have a request for zombie Steve! I’d love to hear the story of how they met 🫶🏻

zombie!au —You rescue Steve at the start of the end of the world. fem, 2.4k

The sound of them makes your throat close up. Fear like a knife held too tight in unwilling hands, the heat. It’s the hottest summer Hawkins’ has had for years, and you’re overdressed. You couldn’t fit your favourite hoodie in your bag so you wore it but it doesn’t matter, you lost your bag somewhere in the school gymnasium. You’re lucky you didn’t lose your leg when that thing grabbed you. What were they calling them on the radio? Something starting with G.

Those… things, they can kill people. You saw it just ten minutes ago, your algebra teacher turned to a creature, Maisie Lewinsky from your homeroom stained with gore under her hands.

You press the back of your hand to your mouth to stifle a hot gasp. What are you supposed to do now? The Hawkins station said everyone would be waiting here, a repeat radio message, but by the time you heard it the sun was going down and there was nobody left. No cars, no promised convoy, nobody.

You’re the last living girl left in Hawkins.

You’re gonna die in here.

Terrified of breathing to loud but spooked that staying will seal your fate, you lift yourself up from the floor of the science lab to peer over a high table. There’s no signs of life. No signs of the dead, either. You’d thought this might be a good place to hide, the thick fire door unbreakable, but you can’t stay here. It’ll be dark soon.

You wish you had your stuff. They’ve for sure taken anything worth eating from the cafeteria kitchens and Bradley’s has been empty for days. You aren’t sure where your next meal is coming from. Fuck, you’re already dead—

“Fuck!” a voice echoes, boyish and terrified from somewhere outside of the door. “Fuck! Get the fuck away from me, holy shit!”

He sounds scared but firm at the same time. Your own fear is like the insufferable heat, riding the back of your neck as you creep toward the door. There’s gotta be more of them outside. That must be why whoever it is that’s shouting sounds so depeserate. But fuck, there’s relief too. There’s someone still here.

“Fuck! Jesus, help me!”

“Okay,” you say unsurely.

You wedge open the door to the science lab and poke your head out cautiously. There’s a dull thudding sound somewhere to the left, metallic screeching further down, but the panicked shouting (and now panicked yelping) is coming from outside.

You look around for a weapon. There’s nothing to take.

“Holy fuck I do not wanna die!”

Me neither, you think, sniffling back your worried tears. You don’t wanna die, you just want your bed. You want to be home, and safe, but there’s no one to look after you anymore, and you can’t just let people die ‘cos you’re scared. You run from the science lab to the fire escape door full pelt, arm in sudden hot pain at the collision, but the door gives and swings hard into the adjourning wall. You look around frantically for the source of the shouting as it bounces off of the exterior walls of the school and the stone floor of the courtyard, heart suddenly afloat in your chest.

“Hello?” you shout. “I’m here, I’m–”

“What the fuck!”

It’s said with such horrified anger that you give pause, even as your hands shake, cold sweat wetting your lip and colder in the rare afternoon breeze. You dart toward the shouting a moment later, and maybe you’re too late, you can’t save anybody, your shoes pinch as you race down the few concrete steps that lead to the parking lot.

Snarling curdles the air. Your neck snaps left, away from the cars and open territory and toward the subject of your nightmares these last few days. You’ve seen glimpses of these things, always too scared to stay and help, always too stupid, too weak, and seeing them now cements it.

A group of geeks grab at a boy where he hangs from the bars of a metal staircase leading up to the roof of the building. You run toward it on instinct but stop before they hear you, eyes wide. His hands are white-knuckled, his hair falling down into his face, but you know who it is now you’re close enough to see him. You could recognise Steve Harrington a thousand feet away.

“Hey!” you shout. “Hey! Over here!”

Why did you say that? Why are you yelling? The geeks turn their heads to easier pray and you’re done for —they start to run. You stumble back in terror.

“My bag! Get my bag, get the knife!” Steve shouts.

You swing yourself around in a huge circle. There, further into the lot, lies a bag. Further past it lies a wooden baseball bat spiked with fifty silver nails.

You sprint past the bag to the bat and try to grab it while you’re still running, knees grazing hot white fire on the tarmac and hands like acid as you force yourself up again, running further, putting space between you and the too fast footsteps that follow. When you’re sure you’ll have room you swing to see them, their maws dripping gore over white buttoned shirts and once prim blouses. There must be ten of them at least. Only two stay to snap their jaws at Steve Harrington where he attempts to climb up the stairs from the bottom, his foot dangerously close to bloodied teeth.

You pull the bat back as the first of the creatures reaches you. With a grunt more terror than exertion, you force the bat forward, wood arcing through the air, shiny nails catching the light of the setting sun and slamming downward into flesh.

Your eyes flare as wide as they’ve ever been. The geek stops cold and drops, your strangling grip on the bat forcing it up out of the mash of his brains. Another geek leaps over him as you scramble back.

“Run!” Steve yells from the stairs, stress stretching his voice thin and high. “Run away!”

You drop the bat and sprint for your life. Down into the parking lot, past a handful of locked cars and suitcases discarded. This must’ve been where everybody was before they left. There couldn’t have been room. Boxes and trophies, books, magazines and toys, all manner of possessions string like a breadcrumb trail down the road that you have to avoid. You run until your calves are burning over the road that will lead toward Hawkins middle, where you throw yourself into the woods, and hope without any real hope that they’re empty.

Grass folds under your feet. Your panting is as loud as your heart.

When the only shallow breathing you can hear is your own, you circle back to the High School, sticking to the shadows so as not to attract any more attention. A few geeks have collected to join the two you’d left behind, and for a second you’re sure Steve’s succumbed to fatigue and fallen into their blackened clutches, but you spot him balancing dangerously on a handrail between two sets of stairs, leg pulled back in preparation to kick any opposition away.

You sweep up the bat and try to make a plan. You were never going to be able to handle that many people before, not with their new mutations, but you can handle four. Maybe. Probably not.

“Steve, what do I do?” you call. “You have to tell me what to do.”

“You came back!” He swears and shimmies further up the railing as one of his attackers finally manages to traverse the blocked up staircase. “I don’t know what to do! Just hit at them until they die!”

It’s easy for him to say. They’re gruesome creatures, the faces of people you once knew but none of their humanity. They can run as fast as any person can. A human bite has alarming force behind it. The voice on the radio warned you that what you’re trying to do is a bad idea, and yet. You roll the bat in your hand. Your chest aches as hard as your dry throat.

The first geek goes down easy. Unsuspecting, you manage to whack it in the back of the head hard and break through soft skull. The second turns to see you just as you’re lifting the bat again, and it runs hard into it as it comes down, killing itself.

The third is where things get tricky.

“Fuck,” you mumble, lifting your bat to find a sloughing of cartilage and tissue stuck between the spines. “Oh, fuck,” you moan.

“Be careful!” Steve shouts.

You step back and trip, nearly falling. “Stay away from me!”

It snarls in response. Eyes clouded, the geek is a little slower than the others, and it follows you sluggishly away from Steve. The fourth remains, snapping, but you can’t keep watch.

“Stay away from me!” you warn again.

Steve swears on the railing, his cursing followed by a wet thunk.

The geek doesn’t listen, it bites.

You pull your arms to the side, hands wrapped tight around the base of the bat and ready to swing. With a huge, aching cry, you swing the bat to the side and knock the nails clean into its cheek.

It doesn’t die.

Fuck fuck fuck! You throw yourself to the floor by the geek’s feet and out of its reach, on knees, on your feet again, scrambling toward Steve’s bag. You glance over your shoulder as your knees slam down hard into the floor, never so scared in your life, horrified as the bat stays stuck between tendons and the geek takes a running jump toward you.

You pull the knife from Steve’s bag and hold it out in front of you, squeezing your eyes closed in terror.

“Fuck, hey!”

You scream as the weight of the geek lands on top of you. You scream like it’s taking bites of you, until your throat burns and there’s no sound left to make and you choke on it instead. A short, sharp sound.

Then the weight is pulled off of you. Someone lets out a massive gasp.

“Did it get you?”

You blink your eyes open against the glaring white sun where it meets the horizon. If you’re crying, it’s your business, water on your cheek and a dizzy hot feeling everywhere else.

Steve Harrington looks at you like you’re a ghost. “Did it get you? Are you okay?”

You look at your hand and the knife —his knife— where it rests on the tarmac. “I don’t think so. How do you know?”

“They bite! Did it bite you?”

“I don’t know.”

“How can you not know?”

“Because I’m not exactly uninjured, Steve!”

He frowns at you. Well, he glares. “You’d know if it bit you. Don’t be dense.”

“How am I supposed to know?”

“You’re telling me you don’t know what a bite feels like?”

“Some of us had homework.”

He wrinkles his nose. “Is that supposed to be funny?”

Well, yeah. It was supposed to be hilarious.

You look around the parking lot and the school courtyard for any outliers, but the school seems well and truly abandoned now. You can’t hear anymore huffing or screeching, no crying, not even the sound of a radio. Everyone’s been playing them nonstop for weeks, waiting for days like today. Suddenly the raptures here, and you aren’t part of the rescue.

But you saved Steve Harrington, at least. You’re accruing some good karma.

Steve doesn’t hold his hand out, he just grabs you under the arms and pulls you up into a standing position. You’re surprised he can do it, you aren’t light, but you remember his last skins game in the gymnasium and nod to yourself. Of course he can pick you up. Plus, you help, using your legs despite their stiffness to brace yourself on the ground.

“Doesn’t look like it bit you,” he says, quieter now, his hands sliding down to yours briefly before he stands back. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought this was the rendezvous point. I mean, it was, right? We missed it.”

“We missed it.”

“How’d you get here?” you ask.

“Bike. Car chose the worst possible time in the world to die. Not that I could’ve got gas.” He eyes you hopefully. “Tell me you drove here.”

“I biked too, but it’s gone.”

“Gone?”

“Tire popped.”

Steve rubs his eyebrows. His hands are clean where yours are caked. You stand unable to mask your heavy breathing now, and when you reach for him to steady yourself, he doesn’t move away.

“Sorry,” you mumble, licking your lips. You’re a map of little pains. “Are you okay?”

Steve’s hand reaches back to cover yours like he’s going to pull it off, though he doesn’t. “Are you alone?” he asks.

You wince. “Yeah.”

“Where’s your stuff?”

“I lost it.”

“Where?”

“I don’t know.” Your knees hurt. “It’s gonna get dark soon.”

It’s a question. You’re immediately thankful to have found him, because he’s a real living person, and you don’t think you can do this alone. You don’t mean to force him, but you need to know what he’s doing and soon.

“…Better come with me, then,” he says finally.

Steve walks out of your grasp, grabbing up his bag which you’d unfortunately ripped open and shoving the spilled contents back inside. He doesn’t stop to zip it closed, walking straight in the direction of the school.

“Where are we going?”

“Same place as everybody else.” You stumble. Steve, reluctant, frowning hard enough to etch a new wrinkle, holds out his hand to catch you by the elbow. “Where did you think?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” you say, half-indignant.

“You ask a lot of stupid questions, you know that?” He looks you up and down. “How’d you do that?” He points at your bleeding knees.

“I ask stupid questions?”

He grabs the bat from near the felled geek and stands tall. “Jesus. Let’s go find a car.”

It’s not as easy as his tone might suggest. You don’t find a car, you never do, and you never stop asking him obvious questions, but Steve says thank you for saving him eventually (nearly an entire year later, with a hand on your cheek).

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 26 – ROM-COM

Cat's Out of the Bag by FestiveFerret

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 10,814 Tags: Cat Sitter Tony, Identity Porn, Falling In Love

Summary: This was just supposed to be a once-in-a-while cat sitting gig to get Tony back on his feet. It wasn't supposed to be weeks on end at an amazing apartment, it wasn't supposed to be mysterious locked rooms, it wasn't supposed to be masked men in the middle of the night. And it definitely wasn't supposed to be falling head over heels in love.

Reasons why I love it: This fic is so goddamn sweet, my god. I love Charlie the cat, she's the cutest, and Steve and Tony flirting like crazy while remaining utterly oblivious to the others' feelings is fantastic. Definitely check this one out if you haven't, it's a joy to read!

Acting in Love by BladeoftheNebula

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 6,400 Tags: Actor AU, Mutual Pining, Christmas

Summary: Tony and Steve are co-stars on a new romantic comedy set in the quaint and cosy town of Marvel. Will weeks of filming in the frozen North end in tears, or will real romance bloom onscreen and off?

Reasons why I love it: Yeees, give me that Hallmark movie realness! I don't know what it is about Actor AUs that just makes me so happy, but this one definitely gives me those warm fuzzies. Neb proves once again that she's a fantastic writer, and the way Tony and Steve's relationship develops is amazing. I love this one so much, you absolutely have to read it!

If You Lived Here, You'd Be Home Now by vorkosigan

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 12,953 Tags: Hitchhiking, Canon Divergence, Fluff and Angst

Summary: "Hold that thought," Tony said into his phone. "I apparently just got hit by a hitchhiker." "You hit a hitchhiker?" Happy sounded horrified. "What? Am I talking to a wall? I got hit by a hitchhiker." Having just broken up with Pepper, Tony is driving to California on Christmas Eve. When he picks up a hitchhiker, he hardly expects him to be the former Captain America, defrosted and on the run from SHIELD.

Reasons why I love it: I didn't mean to have two Christmas related fics in this list, but they're both so good, I couldn't help myself. The dialogue in this is so fricking good, it makes the whole thing feel like a movie. The identity porn is great, and oh my god, Tony getting jealous is the cutest thing ever. I love everything about this fic, and you should definitely read it!

Here Comes The Sun by lazywriter7

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 7,947 Tags: Blind Date, Steve Rogers and the 21st Century, Mutual Pining

Summary: For the prompt: “you’re supposed to be on a blind date with someone but you sat down at the wrong table and i haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise to tell you that and it’s been thirty minutes” au “Cap, I think there’s been a-” I, Steve clamped down on his miserable anxiety with characteristic anger, am not going to fuck this up. “My favourite colour is blue.” Steve interjected, because screw charm and suaveness and everything else, he was going to do this on the power of sheer determination.

Reasons why I love it: If I were a teacher, I would give this fic full marks for everything. Dialogue, pacing, plot, characterization – it's all perfect. A lot of times when it comes to misunderstandings you have to suspend a lot of disbelief, but here it feels so natural that I completely bought it. This fic is amazing, and if you haven't already, I hope you give it a shot!

Growth Spurt by FestiveFerret

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: T Words: 2,785 Tags: Post-High School, Steve's Beard, Flirting

Summary: Tony: Remember that guy I had the hots for in high school that I was telling you about? Rhodey: The Steve guy? Yeah. Tony: He's here. Rhodey: Oh shit. Tony: He grew a beard. Rhodey: … Rhodey: You're fucked. Tony: IKR.

Reasons why I love it: I could totally see this happen in real life. Someone needs to turn this into a movie, because it's absolutely perfect for it. And as a major member of the Steve's-Beard-Appreciation-Club, I love that Tony is on our team. This fic is wonderful, and you should definitely read it!

[droughtofapathy]

"Welcome to the Theatre": Diary of a Broadway Baby

Jordans

May 5, 2024 | Off-Broadway | The Public Theater | Matinee | Play | Original | 2H 20M

It's rare for a play to address a myriad of hot-button issues like race, class, assimilation, misogyny, and more and do so successfully without it devolving into a college lecture. Jordans manages to strike a precarious balance that ultimately works out well. Protagonist Jordan is an assistant/secretary/all-around gofer for an upscale studio rental company helmed by Kate Walsh in a stunning display of white lady gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. As the only Black person in this all-white elitist environment, Jordan faces exactly the sort of abuse and racism you'd expect. The scenes dealing with workplace microaggressions were horrifying and hilarious to witness from the front and center row. Nightmare scenario for me, truly. There's one instance where a Black character turns and is horror-movie jump-scared by a hoard of white people just behind him.

As the show goes on, it becomes more and more clear that this is actually a horror play. There's a rather graphic sex scene downstage, and that's fun, I suppose. Kudos to the actress for going full bottomless and riding that man right there on stage.

Spoiler: the play ends with Jordan snapping and going on a horror-movie workplace massacre and slaughtering everyone. It's so damn cool to watch. Jordan just fucking shanked the living shit out of Kate Walsh, and then topped it off by smashing her face in with a barbell. I've seen a lot of bloody ends to plays these past few years, and I think those stage crews need raises because that was a lot of blood yesterday. Oh, and the wardrobe department. The whole backstage. The show ended with Jordan pointing her bloodied knife at the audience, mere feet away, and of course, there was me, enthusiastically clapping. What a fun cathartic end. (For legal reasons, I am not endorsing the slaughter of white co-workers.)

Ultimately, I enjoyed the show. I think there were parts I, as a non-horror fan, probably didn't quite get. But I was really impressed with the subtle nuances that happened in the background (the white women feeling like they were being shoved aside for a Black male co-worker, the white men just having a ball without a care in the world, the Black man who put himself above his Black female co-worker every time).

Verdict: A Lovely Night

A Note on Ratings

Oh, so Kate Walsh spends the whole first act in a sheer black dress with a black push-up bra and spanx, and she looks good.

[irevanity]

okay I just found the GREATEST kpop song to ever exist so now you are getting more team kira idol headcanons.

Light joined Realm Entertainment when he was 14, on 11.18.06. Despite his parents protesting against it at first he made sure to work hard and ensure his debut.

He was naturally talented and pretty much excelled in every class, so it was a surprise to him when he met Mikami after 2 years of training.

Oh my god. That bitch was not gifted at all.

He was fucking casted for his looks. But he wasn’t even that hot

At first Light was like, “I’ll just watch him get booted on his third week” but as time went on, he noticed the determination in the 15 y.o’s eyes and was like, “you know what? You’re cool. I’ll help you”

They became trainee buddies basically. Little by little Mikami improved until he could hold his own against Light (and sometimes even beat him)

“Fuck, I taught him too much and now we’re basically fighting for the leader role”

Rival time!

At this point it wasn’t even about being friends it was about getting into the final line-up and debuting

It always switched between those two until the CEO said “fuck it you’re both debuting”

But then their debut got postponed. They were supposed to be in an 8 member boy group but then half the members left and it was basically just Light and Mikami.

They were both salty as fuck but whatever they just continued training

Okay Misa Amane time

She originally auditioned to be a child model but switched to become an idol when she accidentally bumped into Light at the company.

“Oh my god wow he’s so cool!” **becomes a trainee**

BUT SHE WAS JUST 13!!!

Light was like “NO NO ENJOY YOUR CHILDHOOD”

“My parents died, I can’t enjoy it.” **dead silence**

Okay now they have a 13 year old on their team which was okay-ish. She was average at everything but god damn can she talk fast

“You’re becoming a rapper with me.” “ok”

Light tolerated her but Mikami? Oh my god. He fucking despised her presence because she TALKED SO MUCH AND SO FAST AND

Mikami was about to snap at her when Misa suddenly roasted the shit out of him

He went quiet around her ever since

Light was like “oh yeah she’s definitely becoming a rapper”

Okay Kiyomi time

She joined the company in 2010 at 17. Misa was happy to have another girl in the group after all the others kept on leaving.

Kiyomi didn’t have a hard time. She already had dance training before so all of this was basically routine for her.

The only thing she struggled with was singing. Like she couldn’t do it at all without running out of breath too quickly

Main vocalist Mikami time! He basically told her that the secret to stable singing was to “run on a treadmill while belting high notes”

Cue Kiyomis horrified face.

She regretted joining so badly because 1. She wasn’t the type to work out. 2. She didn’t like getting all sweaty and tired and 3. She couldn’t eat whatever she wanted

But Kiyomi basically auditioned for this stuff so she just gotta persevere through the harsh training until she made the final line-up

And make the final line-up she did!

Woohoo! They were gonna be a 6 member co-ed group with a badass concept! They’re gonna debut on 2011!

SIKE. Two members (pretend they’re npcs) left. It got postponed again.

At this point Mikami was done. He trained for 3 years and had their debut cancelled twice. He basically flipped off the entertainment industry and was preparing to leave

Kiyomi was shocked, Light was panicking and even Misa seemed distressed.

The day before he planned to leave, Light LITERALLY slammed him against the wall and proceeded to yell at him for 15 minutes straight

Misa thought they were about to fist fight. AGAIN.

Okay but happy ending though! Mikami didn’t leave after all

The group decided to hang on to whatever hope they got left and held on for another 2 years.

In those two years:

Misa nearly got caught sneaking in an entire bucket of fried chicken into the building. It happened like 6 times until she eventually got caught and scolded

There was a big ass centipede on the ceiling of their dorm. It fell. Mikami still has the video of them SCREAMING.

A trainee DIED. (whoops)

During the monthly evaluation, Mikamis voice cracked and it haunted him forever (even after debut the other members kept on bringing it up)

Kiyomi once fainted during practice

Light “lost” his lyric book

2 years later BAAM! They finally debuted on January 28, 2013.

OTHER HC’S THAT I RANDOMLY HAD

Lights hair colors only range from dark brown to light brown, and sometimes to black. Kiyomi only had highlights and hair style changes. Mikami went dark blue/green for a few comebacks. Meanwhile, Misas scalp is literally on the verge of death.

ISAC? FUCK YES. You just KNOW Light dominated everyone in the relay race. My guy reached 200 mph while bleeding out, imagine what he can do while LIVING. Misa is an ace in archery and Mikami absolutely decimates his opponents in wrestling. Kiyomi did that elegant ball dance thing.

They are nicknamed “The smartest kpop group”

Anyways that nickname. You know the mafia game? Oh my lord. It was the first time their fans ever saw KIRA T H I S chaotic. They were ready to end friendships!!!!!. BUT THE PLOT TWIST IS THAT N O. O N E. WAS SELECTED TO BE MAFIA. THEY WERE JUST ACCUSING EACH OTHER LEFT AND RIGHT

A fan once begged Mikami not to cut his hair. (that fan was me lolz)

Misa always drops the cake

After their 5th win, they promised their fans that they’d film a part switch video of their latest comeback. It was fucking CHAOS. Light can’t hit Mikamis high notes for crap and Misa had trouble keeping up with Kiyomis dance break.

You know that game where kpop idols roast the shit out of each other? Yeah. Light would be fucking ruthless. Their career would literally almost end 💀

Misa definitely has a secret account that she uses to follow her fans. Who knows? Maybe you’re following Misa already.

Kiyomi would leak her predebut photos just to prove she didn’t get any plastic surgery.

While Light is more of a lyrical genius and flow kind of rapper, Misa would be more about speed and catchy lyrics.

Mikami is one of kpops best male vocalists and can easily belt while dancing, but sometimes he gets accused of lip-syncing because he sounds literally exactly the same as the CD. Like he’d be 😐 while hitting a note higher than Misa is tall.

Talking about height differences. They would definitely bully her for her height. SHES LITERALLY 5’0!!! MIKAMI IS 6’0!!!! Imagine the meme videos lmao

In terms of stage presence, it would be Kiyomi>Misa>Light>Mikami. Kiyomi would (ofc) have the best expressions on stage while Mikami sometimes looks…bored.

After a few years when they can finally take a break from all the schedules and go home for a while, Light and Kiyomi invited the other two to meet their family because they knew they had no one alive waiting for them to come home.

Light always makes sure to put his members first and isn’t afraid to call out the staff if they’re not doing their job properly.

Every product Kiyomi uses and shows on live gets sold out within the blink of an eye. Then she’d go on bubble and scold her fans jokingly

At the beginning of their career they were pretty uptight about everything, but now that they’re a well respected and established name within the industry they can relax and let their personalities show.

Misa and Light are definitely the most chaotic members. The other two just sit there and watch everything unfold.

Okay so I know that technically Light would be the youngest in the group but I’m just going by their birth months. That being said, here’s their birthdays!

Light — 2.28.92

Mikami — 6.7.92

Kiyomi — 7.12.93

Misa — 12.25.95

Okay I am now tired. I hope my dear sexy Mutual uses this information to continue on planning the k-idol fanfic (iykyk)

[spiderlilyserendipity]

made of gold (reader x myg) (*SFW*)

can be read as gender neutral!

tags: fluff, dating, insecurity , slight angst, happy ending, can be read as gender neutral, reader wears a bit of makeup

warnings: none

word count: 2.3k

💛💛💛

the liquor had gotten to your head.

your boss had insisted on a round of drinks tonight to celebrate the project that had just wrapped up, but no one in the team was in the mood. but knowing his head-strong approach, all your co-workers merely glanced at each other unhappily when the clock struck 5 and got up to follow him.

fast forward three hours and here you were, drunk off your ass in a neighbourhood far from your own. it was friday and you didn’t have anywhere to be tomorrow but you weren’t in the mood to sit in a taxi for the half hour it would take to get back home. you were feeling nauseous as it was, stomach uneasy from too many cups of coffee and the all-nighter you’d pulled in preparation for today’s presentation. it had all gone well, it always did knowing your team. but you were a worrier, and the last few weeks of working on this project had done bad things to you. forget the possible promotion your boss had hinted at, you just wanted to get by without liver damage for the rest of the weekend.

“hurry, hurry.” you told the first cab driver that pulls over. you glanced nervously over your shoulder, hoping your boss doesn’t spot your face standing on the sidewalk. you had made up such an elaborate lie to get away before they left the bar for a second round.

drunk and tired, you didn’t realize the address you told the driver isn’t your own.

you just got out at the corner and pay, bowing goodbye absently. then you turned around, fumbling when the passcode for the front door doesn’t work.

“what the fuck.” you muttered under your breath. you sighed and pressed a hand to your forehead. don’t say i forgot the passcode.

“y/n?”

you turned around, wondering why your female roommate’s voice was so deep today, or why she was just getting home now, too. but then you felt it. two warm, sturdy hands that clasped your upper arms. and then you saw them. dark, gentle eyes, hidden under a baseball cap and a mask, but you would recognize those eyes anywhere. you smiled. “when did you get here, baby?”

yoongi cleared his throat, cheeks turning a bit pink. in your drunkenness, you forgot yoongi isn’t baby, not yet. it had only been about three months of flirting between you two, more phone calls and top-secret dinner dates than anything serious. you understood that. yoongi’s a big man, and you were just lucky enough to have met him through a mutual friend.

you were simple and he was charming, but for whatever reason, he looked at you like you’re made of gold.

“this is where i live, y/n-ssi. remember?” yoongi reminded you lightly. your mouth fell open dramatically. ah. you fucked up. no wonder you’d felt a little funny telling the driver your address.

“oh. oh!” you blurted, looking around quickly. your eyes searched for any lingering people, cameras in bushes, that type of thing. suddenly, you felt a lot more sober. “shit. i’m sorry yoongi-ssi. let me just—”

you pulled up an app on your phone, ready to call your roommate to come get you instead of risking lingering around and being caught. but before you could do that, yoongi’s hand gently tapped your shoulder. you turned and he was standing with the door half-open. “just come in.” he said, hand trailing down your arm to take your hand in his.

blushing like a teenager on their very first walk of shame, you follow him past the lobby to the elevators. you can’t help but be a little shocked at all the marble and sleek steel around you. of course you knew of bts before you met yoongi, but you worked a very busy corporate job that made it hard to have hobbies. but even with all the small promotions you had gotten in the last ten years, you knew you would never afford luxury like this. min yoongi was rich rich. you realize.

when you glance at him, you suddenly feel nervous. you had been upright with him since day one about keeping the flirting polite and secret. you had a good job of your own and were very independent. yoongi liked that, he’d told you multiple times. you both liked to take relationships slow, mature and sensible adults as you were. but now you’d done it. you’d showed up and invaded his space, without the two of you ever discussing “dating”. as far as you knew, you were just another fling of this big superstar. perhaps you were making him uncomfortable? you two hadn’t even held hands until now.

you looked down at your clasped hands. yoongi was looking at something on his phone to bide the ride up to his floor. he was dressed in simple black sweats and a t-shirt but there was a rolex on his wrist. if you moved your wrist just a little, the cold sweat on your body would smudge the glass. are those diamonds? like real fucking diamonds? you wondered, staring at the shining jewels around the glass.

“something wrong, y/n-ssi?” yoongi asked. you jolted, pulling your hand back.

“n-no! nothing at all!” you replied a beat too late, mind still fuzzy. man, you really needed a nap.

yoongi looked down, where his rolex-clad hand dangled by his side. then he pulled his mask down, chewing his upper lip. “do you want me to drop you home?”

just the mention of getting in a car had you feeling nauseous. his home was even further from your place than the bar had been. and now that you know that min yoongi is rich rich, you can’t risk it. god, what if i threw up on his, like, hand-crafted leather seats or something?

the elevator dinged and slid open to reveal yoongi’s floor.

you followed him quietly down the long, marble hallway to the very last door. yoongi’s apartment. he glanced at you as he tapped the numbers into the electronic lock. you looked away sharply at the plant outside his neighbour’s house instead. you hadn’t seen the code, so why did you feel so guilty?

“sorry to intrude.” you said as you enter his home. yoongi didn’t reply, just nudged the pair of guest slippers towards you with his foot. you took off your shoes, watching yoongi with a bit of awe as he strode into the house and turned on the lights. was his back always that broad?

“what did you do today?” you asked, cringing at how it sounds like a question a partner would ask.

the sound of the fridge opening and closing answered you. a second later, yoongi appeared behind you. he lightly tapped your elbow as he came around you to sit on the large sofa. you followed, sitting down at the edge of your seat.

“i worked in the studio today. we’re preparing for our new album.” yoongi answered in short but polite sentences. he opened a can of beer in his hand. “how was yours? you mentioned you had a presentation today.”

you flushed. you couldn’t believe he remembered that, you had told the deadline for your project that weeks ago. “it was good. we went for drinks afterwards.” you explained, your leg bouncing at your side. “what do you usually do when you get home?”

yoongi set the can on the coffee table. he leaned into the sofa, facing you. “depends on the schedule we had that day. if i’m tired i’ll just eat, wash up, and go to bed. if i’m feeling good, i do all of that plus a drink or two.”

“you feel good today?” you asked, your heart jumping to your throat when he smiled against the cushion.

“yes.” yoongi answered, eyes not leaving yours. “i do.”

you cleared your throat. a notification popped up and you glanced down at your phone, happy for a split second away from yoongi’s eyes that make you feel hot inside. your roommate was asking where you were. “my roommate can come get me soon.”

“i’ll order us something to eat. text her once we’re done eating.”

you nodded numbly, looking at the can of beer on the table rather than at yoongi. alcohol really was the bane of your existence. you were so embarrassed to look this way in front of yoongi.

you and yoongi engaged in some more small talk once he ordered food. he asked you what you would like to watch on netflix and handed you the remote to put it on. in the meantime, he said he would go get your food. you felt embarrassed when he said your food. it was a reminder that you showed up uninvited and that he was probably just too nice to kick you out.

your sadness seemed to amplify the tiredness. without knowing, you drifted off in the few minutes between when you put the show on and yoongi’s return.

when you woke, there was something soft but firm in your face like a pillow. it smelled like laundry detergent and feels warm and cozy. you buried your face into it, sighing in comfort. a moment later, you felt fingertips gently card through your hair. was that your roommate pulling you in for one of her random cuddle sessions?

you adjusted again, pushing yourself up against your pillow. you were about to drift back asleep when a deep voice filled your ears. “do you want to eat yet?” yoongi asked.

you startled, sitting up as fast as you could. you looked down, horrified. you were laying on top of yoongi’s chest, your head having been tucked in the space between his neck and shoulder. yoongi, who had been scrolling on his phone until now, turned his phone off at your worried expression. “what is it, y/n-ssi?”

you grabbed your own phone off the coffee table to check the time. it’s 10:30 now. your roommate was probably asleep by now. and here you were, still drunk and laying on top of a man who wasn’t even your boyfriend yet. shit, shit, shit.

“i’m sorry. i really need to leave.” you said, climbing off yoongi. your eyes catch on an unopened pizza box on the armchair next to the sofa, feeling extremely guilty. this was terrible. you ruined everything.

yoongi was kind, too kind for you. he took you in despite the risk of cameras catching you outside his apartment. he bought you dinner just for you to fall asleep and not let him eat it. your own place was too far from here, a taxi would cost a ton. and on top of it all, you weren’t even dating. what the hell were you supposed to do now?

“i’ll drop you.” yoongi’s voice was back to normal, no longer sleepy. as expected, he didn’t try to make you stay. whether that was out of courtesy or just because you were annoying to him, it burned. “but aren’t you hungry?” he asked.

on cue, your stomach grumbled.

yoongi laughed. “sit down, i’ll warm some up for us.”

the two of you ate quietly, awkwardly.

when you were done, you stood up. fuck it, you would have to pay the big taxi fare and endure the nausea. you couldn’t bother yoongi anymore. so you said a quick thanks for dinner without looking him in the eye, ready to run for it.

“y/n.” yoongi’s voice stopped you. “are you sure you want to go home?”

yoongi’s cheeks were pink when he looked at you. he scratched the back of his neck. “you can spend the night here, if you like.” when your eyes widened, his did, too. “i have a guest room. a guest room with a bathroom and everything.”

still drunk and crushing too hard on min yoongi, you smiled. “okay.”

but as you took a step towards him, you nearly slipped on the polished surface of the hallway. you groaned as he caught you, embarrassed. you were going to kill your boss for making you drink this much.

steadily, yoongi guided you to the guest bedroom and sat you on the bed. you wait for him to return and when he does, it’s with a packet of makeup wipes and a brand-new toothbrush still in its pack. purple. you noticed as he set the latter on the duvet. interesting.

you startled when his hand cupped your face, guiding you back to look at him. “close your eyes.” he whispered, face only a few inches from yours. you let him wipe off the light makeup you wore every day to work. when you opened your eyes, yoongi was giving you that same look from earlier. like you were something special, something whose true value only he knows. like you were made of gold.

your eyes fell to his lips. you inhaled, ready to take your chances.

yoongi closed the space, kissing you sweetly. his hands cupped your face, and yours wound around his broad back. it felt perfect.

when you separated, the two of you were breathless. seeing each other’s flushed faces, you laughed together.

when you come back from borrowing yoongi’s shower, the lights in the house were off except for yoongi’s room. he smiled as you slid into bed beside him. he reached over you to turn the lights off, then pulled you in against his side. your heart fluttered when you felt him tuck the duvet in around you.

“yoongi?” you asked. under your ear, his heartrate got a little faster. he must’ve thought you were asleep. “we’re—we’re a thing right?” you ventured, hoping all of this was real. that min yoongi wasn’t the kind of guy who could do this for every fling.

yoongi laughed under his breath. “obviously, baby.” he replied, kissing the top of your head. you smiled as you fall asleep beside him.

[rudemaidenswrite]

Don't Belong Here

Part 1

Fandom: Bright

OC Fogteeth Orc x Reader

By: @pusantheamazonian​

You're dragged to one of the monthly Fogteeth party's against your will. For once it doesn't end up a bad night for you.

The music's too loud, there's too many people and now this. You’re staring up at the orc, and he’s standing in front of you mumbling something.

"Sorry but you're going to have to speak up. Bad hearing." Tapping your right ear, you scoot over on the couch. Allowing him to sit down.

"You don't belong here." Huffing he leans over before sitting.

Chuckling, you already knew that. A packed house party with strobe lights, mosh pit  and dubious activities is not your idea of a fun time. You'd rather be at home under a mound of blankets with all the food watching Gravity Falls.

Why not amuse him. It's not like you're going to come to another one of these ever again and he'll probably be with someone else by the end of the night.

"Flaming red asshole hair." Pointing at the bar. "My sister and her girlfriend. They are the ones who dragged me here."

"Yeah they've been here before." Nodding he takes a drink.

"Said I was a bad night shifter and needed to socialize. So this." Gesturing at yourself. You had purposely worn an oversized hoodie and sweatpants. Sat in the back corner away from everyone. So that people would avoid talking to you but not this guy. Apparently he didn't get the memo.

“Sitting in the corner is not socializing.” Teasing he gives you a lopsided grin.

“Eh, close enough.” Waving your hand you dismiss that accusation.

The more you look at him, he's kinda cute and not entirely threatening looking. You know orcs have quite a bit of range on them. From looking terrifying to absolutely adorable. He's chunky but it works for him, honestly it's doing it for you.

God this not what you are supposed to be doing. So what if he's your type. Stop oolging. The Fogteeth jersey he's wearing means he's bad news.

"Name's Ronnie."

"Y/N." You quickly scan the crowd to make sure you haven't lost your two hooligans. Cause those bitches would leave you for a dirty alley quickie. And you’ve lost them. "Is it always this loud?"

"The barbeque is a lot quieter."

"I would hope so." You don't know why but you find yourself smiling and laughing. The more you talk to him the less grumpy you are about being here. His humor is out there but he's very pleasant to talk to.

God. He doesn't know what's going on. You smell faintly of blackberries. He keeps getting a whiff every time you lean in to hear him. Most humans run away in disgust from him, especially women. But you're still here.

You don't know how long it's been, hours you imagine but you're ripped from peace very suddenly.

"Y/N! Y/N! Y/N!" Your sister is screaming at the top of her lungs.

"What Charlie?" Panicked, you immediately stand up.

"Come on! You're up next. You can't miss your turn!" She’s jumping excitedly.

"Turn for what?" Confused, you look at Ronnie hoping he might know. He shakes his head no. You haven't seen anyone playing games that would require turns.

"You'll see." Giving you a suspicious smile and pulling your arm.

As she starts to drag you away, you instantly grab a hold of Ronnie. Dragging him with you through the sea of people. You know her suspicious smiles never lead to anything good. It’s best to have another witness or at least someone on your side.

To his surprise he lets you drag him along. Your warm hand tightly interlocked with his. Whatever your sister has planned can't be that bad.

He was wrong.

"You got to be kidding me."  Horrified you let go of everybody and back away. Charlie has led you to a back room where it is fight club night.

"Nope!" Olivia is squealing, suddenly appearing on your left. Trying not to shake in excitement or else she'll spill the contents in her arms. "Three shots of Everclear and a can of Fat Orc."

"Are you serious? This the real reason you brought me?"  This is so uncalled for and obviously something that they have planned. They've been doing shit like this a lot lately.

"No we did want you to socialize but then we found this and everything else was thrown to the side." Olivia rambles on.

"I hate y'all so much." So offended you can't process what’s really happening.

"Awe come on you can do it." Charlie tries to pep talk you further into it.

"No I'm not! I'm not thunderdome-ing it so y'all can win some money. This-" In processing of telling them off you're interrupted by an asshole.

"Yes run on home girl. This is a man's room. Don't want you to hurt yourself." Sneering he leaves just as quickly as he appeared.

"That's your opponent." Olivia whispers.

"How much Charlie?" Glaring you watch him disappear back into the crowd. Fuck it. Eye twitching, inner alpha bitch activated.

"$100." She knows you're hooked now.

"Give it." Still staring off into the direction he went, you hold a waiting hand out. Grinning wickedly Charlie tosses the Fat Orc at you. Cracking it open, you chug the entire thing in one go. With the boiling rage inside of you, the can is crushed with one hand. Everything else can wait. This asshole needs to be taught a lesson.

The current fight ends and the orc ring leader is yelling out different things. The bookie next to him is frowning. Apparently he betted on the wrong guy.

"Give me your sweatshirt and finish the shots.” Olivia giggles.

"Hold your horses." Grumbling with a grimace you downed the last shot. Somehow your sweatshirt’s already off and Charlie's pushing into the ring. It's a stupid makeshift ring. Just a circle outlined in chalk.

"Place your bets!" The ringleader shouts.

"Oh you going to stay?" He smugly questions.

"To beat your sexist ass? I wouldn't miss it." Snapping back you're fueled with liquor and hatred. Dude looks like a unsanitary version of fuck boy. Which just further fuels the fire.

He can’t believe what he's seeing, you have transformed into a completely different person. The quiet girl who didn't even want to be here is now a feral animal.

A crowd is gathering. Often it's human men that enter the ring on these nights. Testing how long they can last against an orc or other humans. Rare is it that a woman enters, even rarer that they win. Causing this much uproar has reached the top of the command chain. Seeing Dorghu enter the room. Everything has escalated and Dorghu happens to stand next to him.

"With the house cut, she'll get over $900 if she wins." Craft informs.

“Who is she?” Dorghu demands, not many capture his interest.

“She came in with Ronnie.” Craft grins at him.

"Ronnie?" Dorghu turns in surprise.

"We were talking then her sister brought her back here.” Nodding at Charlie. “He made a sexist comment and she flipped. Did three shots, a can of Fat Orc and got in. She’s been drinking water all night."

“Interesting.” Dorghu turns back to the match to watch you counter a punch and punch him in the middle of the throat. With a kick to the stomach you knock him to the ground.

"The winner!" An orc yells to a sea of angry groans, briefly holding your arm up. Exhausted everything is spinning, ears are ringing and the liquor burps start.

"Give me my stuff." Slurring you almost lose your balance looking for Charlie and Olivia. Staggering a few steps you make it safely to them. You have forgotten everything about Ronnie and exactly where you are. It's too hot in this room and you need a nap. You are going to regret everything in the morning. Tugging your hoodie back on you doesn't bother zipping it.

The bookie appears as you're putting everything back into your pockets. Of course you have to be the one to collect the money.

"$936 all yours." Smiling he hands you the cash. You see his eyes dip for a second before leaving to collect money for the next round.

"Thanks." Great, he just got an eye full down your shirt. What a pervert. Spinning back to the hooligans, it is time for their punishment. "Ten for you and ten for you. Two four six eight for me."

"Come on-" Whining Charlie starts pouting.

"Zip it! It's whatcha get for signing me up without my permission." You whip around determined to give it back to the bookie.

You visibly pause when you make eye contact with Dorghu. You're not stupid you vaguely know what he looks like. Change of plans. Drunk you who is still pissed has decided on a new dumb plan. You march straight to Dorghu, maintaining eye contact. Everyone watching you is confused.

Out of sheer intoxicated boldness you grab his hand and put the winnings in it.

"Keep it. Fun party. It was nice talking to someone besides Ronnie's kinda cute. So do what you do."  

The room freezes. You can feel the tension but could care less about it. Clear as day you touched the leader like it was nothing then spoke perfect Bodzvokhan to him. Before toddling off complaining about getting fresh air and water.

~

Your sister said you were probably at the car cooling off. He checked the parking lot twice. No sign of you. That's until he gets a whiff of you.

After making it outside you disappeared down an alley by the car. Much quieter, no people and the breeze is nice. Sitting on the ground you can feel yourself nodding off.

"Ah!" Jumping from the sudden cold against your neck. It's Ronnie holding a water bottle. "Dang it Ronnie you scared the bejeezus out of me." You accept the water bottle.

At this position you can really see how tall and massive he is. Sort of reminds you of the Strongman Champion Brian Shaw. Your mind drifts, wondering how he would taste and feel in your hand. Your insides quiver from the thought. What the fuck? Trying your hardest you focus on the bottle.

"You shouldn't be trying to sleep in the alley then."

"Fair point. Thank you for the water." Struggling for a second you finally open the water.

"You speak Orc?" From this angle he can see straight down your shirt. He can see that you were hiding a great set under that hoodie.

"Learned it in high school trying to impress a boy. Some of my co-workers are orcs so it works out." Shrugging speaking Orc isn't a big deal, anyone can learn it.

"You didn't say you could fight."

"Honestly, it's like some drunken boxing Kung Fu shit but the more intoxicated I am. The more berserker I get when fighting." Taking a swig of water. "I don't usually drink or purposely get into fights."

"Damn baby." Taking the risk, you have been an enjoyable companion tonight. Why not see what the limit is.

"Don't call me baby." You aggressively glare at him to make a point.

"Whatever you say, Sprinkles." Putting his hands up in surrender, he needs to change the subject quickly.

"Sprinkles? That…that's different but okay." Weird name to choose but he seems to get the point.

"How's your hearing?" Lowering himself, he sits down beside you. He has no plans for tonight.

"Much better. I can clearly hear you and not have to be all up on you just to listen."

You see his ears twitch at that comment. Maybe he does like being close to you.

"Brave move you did. Handing the money directly to Dorghu."

"Yeah. But it's the only way I knew how. The money would make it back for the next party. Does that make sense?"

"I get your point."

"I don't need the money and it's payback for them setting the fight up in the first place." You give him a mischievous eyebrow wiggle.

"So you think I'm cute?" Blurting out the question was not the smoothest thing he had planned but it’s the easiest way.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Your face gets a little warmer and you stare at the opposite wall. Hard. You forgot he could speak orc.

"Don't worry I think you're cute too."

"What?" Surprised and suspicious. You can't help but to stare at him like he’s crazy as you feel your heart rate speed up. "Are you sure it's not because I just kicked someone's ass?"

"About 90% sure." Teasing he gives you a genuine smile.

"Y/N!" Charlie yells.

"Y/N! We're ready to go!" Olivia is screaming.

"Y/N! Where - oops sorry for interrupting." Charlie yells louder, now walking down the alley. Until she sees you two.

"You two could wake the neighborhood." Groaning, you're still annoyed with them. It's going to be a long car ride home.

"Rude! Not my fault you're deaf." Charlie scoffs.

"Wait by the car!" You fling a rock in their direction and they scamper away.

“Oh I'm going to end up snapping one day and killing them.” Groaning you heave yourself off the ground. Ronnie does the same while trying not to laugh.

"Sprinkles, you get more interesting by the second. How about I get your number so I can stay up-to-date?" In bold fashion he holds his phone out.

"Really?" Stunned, no one’s asked for your number before.

"Yes." Nodding in reassurance.

"I guess since you're so adamant." Pretending to be exasperated, you enter your number under the name Sprinkles. Turns out socializing for once wasn't that bad.

[thanksjro]

More Than Meets the Eye #30 - The Cybertronian Judicial System is a Friggin’ Joke

Have I mentioned that I’m not a huge fan of court case stories? I think they’re pretty boring, on average, so the last couple of issues have been slightly dragging for me.

Anyway, back to Megatron’s trial. 

Our issue opens up with a full back shot of Ultra Magnus.

Artists take note, he really is built like a capital T.

As Magnus reads out Megatron’s statement retracting his “guilty” plea, we get some decent points as to why. See, telling a guy that you’ll stab him in the brain, so his trial can be over as quickly as possible, maybe isn’t such a hot idea. Megatron wasn’t a huge fan of that, or of how those memories they would’ve yanked outta him would have been used to fuel the Autobot propaganda machine. Why, you may ask?

Well, I don’t know if you knew this or not, but Megatron… doesn’t particularly care for the Autobots, nor the rhetoric they uphold.

I know, I was surprised too!

There’s also the fact that Optimus Prime is the judge on this whole thing. You know. Optimus Prime. Off and on leader of the Autobots, whenever it suits him. The guy who fucked off into space for a year after the war. The guy who threw a hissy fit when someone pointed out that he was compromised the last time they did something like this with Megatron. This guy:

Yeah, there might be a slight conflict of interests here. Remind me again why this had to be a military trial?

Anyway, enough of that, it’s time for a fight scene.

A swarm of Decepticons storm the arena, going after Megatron so they can help him escape. Magnus, though acting as Megatron’s defense, cannot abide by this disorder in the court.

Wild to think there’s a tiny little Pringles man with anxiety in there, isn’t it?

Optimus joins the fray, because there really are, just, so many guys to deal with here. A dude goes to collect Megatron, stating that they brought teleport packs for this little shindig. Megatron isn’t super jazzed about that though, not bothering to grab on before the dude gets shot to death. There’s a brief recess, I guess so the janitorial staff can deal with the mess of corpses littering the courtroom.

Meanwhile, in the present day, Rung’s building a model spaceship in Swerve’s, which is a very brave thing to be doing, seeing how sticky and gross bars can be. Brainstorm’s brought a flask to the bar, and proceeds to pour the contents into a funnel sticking out of his arm.

Our bartender for the evening- I’m assuming it’s evening, but I doubt the concept of time has any real weight in space- is Bluestreak. Bluestreak was stationed on Earth for a while, which is some Phase One stuff, and took a liking to human media while he was there. He’s the guy who handles movie night these days, seeing as Rewind’s too busy being dead to do it, and I doubt Chromedome has the emotional bandwidth to take over for his late spouse.

Bluestreak’s favorite movie is Zulu, a film glorifying the colonialism of the English over the native populace of an African kingdom. Make of that what you will.

Whirl wants to watch À Bout de Soufflé, or Breathless, as it was translated for the English-speaking world, which is a French New Wave film about a criminal who shoots a cop, hides from the police in a journalist’s home, who he seduces and likely impregnates. She eventually finds out what he did, reports him to the police, but then has a change of heart and lets him know what she’s done. He runs, but is shot, and dies in the street. The film is notable for its final scene, in which the following dialogue happens, between the dying criminal Michael, his lover Patricia, and an officer.

Of course, any poignancy would almost certainly be lost on the average comic book reader, and is also somewhat nullified by Whirl praising the film with internet lingo.

Then again, I suppose Whirl would be the type to dismantle any deeper reading of his interest in such a film, lest he be subjected to the horrifying ordeal of being known.

Over with Skids and Riptide, it’s revealed that Megatron’s been teaching classes on the Lost Light, specifically on the Knights of Cybertron. Riptide’s getting an education, because he’s been feeling pretty lost since the war ended- we’ll get to the potential whys of that later on. Swerve isn’t a fan of this community college thing that’s going on, stating that Megatron’s using it as a distraction, so he can devise plots most foul.

Back in the past, Autobot high command is having a talk about what Megatron’s demanding, and man is it a doozy— turns out, since the trial’s happening on Luna 2, the trial proceedings are subject to the laws of the moon. One of these moon laws is the right to request being judged by the Knights of Cybertron. Now, this is a problem, seeing as the Knights of Cybertron have been AWOL for the last several million years, but the law is the law, and you can’t just go ignoring it when someone’s pointed it out.

Bro, your SIC just suggested y’all pull the trial so you could slap it on Cybertron, thus negating any need to pay attention to the Knight law. That’s such a gross miscarrying of justice, it’s genuinely baffling. You’ve got bigger issues going on than flouting. My god, Optimus, you were a cop—

Oh wait, that’s right. Carry on, then.

Back on the Lost Light, First Aid’s checking to make sure that the coffin Rodimus they revealed last issue is true and proper dead. Now, this may seem like a given, but you’ve got to remember that Brainstorm was mostly dead for over a year and a half, and nobody fucking noticed, so it’s probably for the best that they’re checking.

First Aid’s been pretty withdrawn since Ambulon died, so this autopsy is really good for him, since it got him out of his room. Pretty fucked up that it would take a dead body to get him out and about. Has Rung checked in on his poor son of a gun, or has he been spending the last six months getting his professional rocks off psychoanalyzing a genocidal warlord?

Our coffin Rodimus died from having parts of his brain removed, and potentially died screaming.

Yes, that is a Furmanism, thank you peanut gallery, moving on—

Ratchet hands the phone over to Ultra Magnus, saying that a call has to be made, and it can’t be by him, because the callee is mighty upset with Ratchet at the moment.

Oh, I guess he’s fine after all. This must be where the sci-fi bullshit really starts kicking in for the series.

Because seeing your own dead body is likely very traumatic and awful, Rodimus is taking a while to string together his thoughts on the matter. Megatron doesn’t particularly care, because he’s not terribly sympathetic to this sort of thing, and the two get into a spat, where it’s revealed that they’re co-captaining the Lost Light.

Because things weren’t chaotic enough on this fucking ship. Need to mix in some peacocking between the McDonalds twunk and the man who killed half of Beijing.

Back in the past, Optimus Prime visited Megatron in prison to have a little chat. It’s not about that little rescue attempt, though the fact that those Decepticons may have been released from the Lost Light’s brig is certainly interesting. No, Optimus is here to sit way too close to his mortal nemesis on the floor of his room and talk about how Megatron is a sneaky bastard.

You remember the Hellraiser puzzle box from a couple issues back? Yeah, that was a communicube, one that was passed to Optimus to suggest that the trial be held on the moon, so the arena there would be able to hold all the people wronged by Megatron. This seems pretty damn convenient in hindsight, but Megatron swears that the legal loophole wasn’t his only intent when he sent the cube.

Because it’s all about you, isn’t it, Megatron? It’s all about how you’re perceived by future generations. Fuck the guys who had to actually deal with what your personal choices caused to happen.

Megatron wants to make amends with all those who were wronged by him. This doesn’t include being acquitted of his crimes, which, y’know, good- at least he’s being slightly realistic about how this is going to turn out for him.

What he wants to do is find Cyberutopia, so the Cybertronians have a replacement planet, since Cybertron kind of sucks now.

Oh, sorry, did I say realistic? I take it back.

In the present, Rodimus is still bummed out about being dead. Still, the day doesn’t stop just because it’s a bad one, and he calls in the experts.

CHROMEDOME YOU PROMISED TO STOP THIS SHIT

Yeah, no, Chromedome’s fallen off the wagon again, and does his thing on the coffin Rodimus. As he does, Megatron suddenly gets squeamish, Brainstorm pulls out his early early-warning device to lean on the fourth wall, and it’s revealed that the coffin that coffin Rodimus was in was built in the fashion of the Spectralist faith.

All Chromedome can suss out of coffin Rodimus’ memories is the really big important stuff, which includes the speech at Rivet’s Field inviting folks to come join the Knight Quest. Aww, that’s sweet.

With the analysis of the innermost energon complete, the results are in— the coffin Rodimus is a Rodimus. A real one, from the near future. Bummer.

I suppose denial is one of the seven stages of grief, isn’t it?

As everyone argues over whether or not Rodimus is going to die, Nightbeat brings up a good point— there aren’t any numbers carved into the coffin Rodimus’ hand. Rodimus is about to reveal some Ratchet-original wisdom, when things start getting really weird; whole sections of the Lost Light are disappearing.

Over at Swerve’s, Tailgate is regaling his peers with the story of his derring-do against Chief Justice Tyrest. Everyone is very impressed, and this includes our good buddy Getaway.

Jeez, think you’ve got enough antagonist shadows on this guy? It’s almost as if the art’s trying to tell us something about him.

Getaway lays it on real thick, saying that Tailgate could totally be the next Prime, with how courageous and awesome he is, all while completely ignoring Tailgate’s personal space and having a weirdly tiny hand. This seems to seriously bother Cyclonus, who is watching this shit go down from the doorway. Our purple space jet leaves once the drinks start being poured and conversation starts happening. God knows he hates talking about his insecurities.

Then the Pipes is Friggin’ Dead alarm goes off. But Pipes has been dead for a while now, so that must mean something else awful is happening.

Back during the trial, I guess because Optimus has a soft spot for Megatron, he allows him to join the Lost Light’s Knight Quest… even as he says that he could keep the guy locked up until Rodimus and pals find the Knights. However, there are rules to this, and one of the rules is that Megatron must publicly denounce the Decepticon cause.

It is a slow and painful experience for everyone involved, as he reads the statement he was given. It’s an immediate call to action- or rather, inaction.

Geez, think they could’ve made it any more obvious that this was being ghostwritten? I can’t wait to see how long it takes for “Megatron was blackmailed into saying this by the Autobots” to be a plotpoint.

Outside the prison, Ratchet and Rodimus are taking in the brand new Rod Pod, which is genuinely ridiculous in how large it is. Rodimus admits to having taken Atomizer’s list, though he knows that trying to use it to keep those who voted him off would be a pretty shitty thing to do.

Also, no one’s told him about Megatron coming along on the trip. As captain.

Or you could, I dunno, lock him up from the start. Or, if you want to give him a chance to prove himself, slap him into a bottom-rung role, like bilge cleaner, or sewage mucker, or whatever the equivalent would be on a spaceship full of giant gay robots. We don’t have to give the guy any power to hold him to scrutiny— any minimum wage worker will tell you that scrutiny comes far harsher for those who actually carry out orders than those who give them.

But what do I know? I’ve never fought in a several million year war, and I don’t plan to.

Getting back to the list, it seems as if Ratchet and Rodimus are on the same wavelength, in that both agree it’s only going to cause trouble and hurt feelings to keep the thing around. Rodimus destroys it with his usual flare, only to be blindsided by the fact that it was fake this entire time. How does Ratchet know this?

Because his name wasn’t on it.

...Man, that’s gotta sting. No wonder Rodimus was upset enough to not take his calls.

In the present, everyone’s in a panic, as they all bolt for the shuttle bay and start pouring into shuttles. The Lost Light is disintegrating around them, which is sort of a problem. Despite this nightmare scenario happening, Rodimus and Megatron still find the time to be assholes to each other. That’s dedication right there.

As the two bicker, multiple shuttles zip away from the rapidly disappearing ship, including the Rod Pod.

Man, now it really is the Lost Light.

[madam-miss-fortune]

Reasons Why Harry Potter was Abused:

Alright, so, back then, orphanages were already gone. The foster system would have been the alternative to Harry being raised by the Dursleys, and...well.... That's no good. And the Dursleys most certainly did horribly abuse Harry. Especially with that threat.

Physical Abuse

It's canon that Dudley and his gang made a game called "Harry Hunting" where they chased Harry around and beat him if they caught him. It was bad enough that Harry apparated himself onto the school roof just to escape. Apparition is supposed to be difficult and there's a high risk of splinching. And considering Harry didn't know magic was real and shouldn't have known about apparition, it says a lot about how desperate he was. Imagine an elementary school kid suddenly getting into a car and driving without crashing. That's how rare and amazing it was. So it must have been pretty bad. Also, it was made fairly clear that Vernon and Petunia ignored this behaviour, if not outright encouraged it. And Vernon did wack Harry around a few times.

Also, Petunia smacked him with a frying pan at least once on the head. It could very well have been burning hot, but I'd need to consult the book for that. And you know that being hit with metal is ridiculously painful. There was also that time she cut all of his hair off except for the fringe without his permission, which would be considered a form of abuse, clearly.

And Marge canonically let Ripper chase Harry up a tree and poor Harry couldn't get down until midnight.

Emotional Abuse

They called him "boy" and "freak" all the time. For all we know, the fanfic trope of Harry not even knowing his name until he was school age was completely correct.

They told him that his parents were jobless drunks that died in a car crash and his mum was a prostitute. How was that not emotionally damaging?

They didn't care one bit about him and made that obvious by always leaving him out, screaming at him, and treating him like he was dirt under their shoes. And they taught Dudley this behaviour as well.

Physical Neglect

His bedroom was the cupboard under the stairs until he was 11. They only moved him when they thought they were being spied on. And they had two functioning bedrooms! A guest room and Dudley's second bedroom. Bloody hell....

He was thrown into the cupboard and kept there for days to weeks on end as punishment. He very likely didn't receive much food, or light either. The latter likely would have contributed to his poor eyesight. And he probably looked sickly pale, too.

I highly doubt he went to an eye doctor to get glasses, either. Petunia probably got them from the charity bin or something. And even if she didn't, they're years out of date. I have glasses myself, had them since I was 8 (but not the same pair, duh), and I need to get a new prescription every year. I'm getting a new one soon. Eyesight doesn't normally stop getting worse for people with bad eyesight until we're about 20-something. And Harry has always had the same iconic pair, which, by the way, kept getting broken and the Dursleys didn't care. That probably made his eyesight worse, too. Wearing the wrong prescription damages eyes.

He was fed very little. We know from COS and OOTP that Harry was fed only a little of stale soup and tea or whatever. I forgot. But I know that he gave most of it to Hedwig—the kind boy that he is. So he was very malnourished. And he wouldn't have been very tall either. He would have been short and skinny. He was probably as small as a first year for the longest time. And six school years of being fed well doesn't do much to combat 10 years of malnutrition, especially when Harry probably still ate only a little bit at a time to combat refeeding syndrome. And all that progress was destroyed every summer.

His clothing was only ever Dudley's cast-offs, and it was far too large for him. And considering how many presents they buy for Dudley every year, they have more than enough to support Harry, too.

They made him do chores, too. They forced him to make breakfast for them all when he was 11. Sure, yeah, at 11 I made breakfast for my siblings and I when my mom was still sleeping. But more often than not, she wanted to be there to supervise, even though she knows that I've always been perfectly fine cooking. Also, I wouldn't trust an 11-year-old to handle making bacon. Just saying. I'd watch that kid like a hawk. I only learned to make stuff like hamburgers when I was 13, though that was mostly because I wanted to learn and because my family is sexist, but I'm not getting into that.

Emotional Neglect

They hated him. Plain and simple. They ignored him on good days and screeched at him on particularly bad ones. There is one line in the book I distinctly remember. It's the one where Petunia woke Harry up on Dudley's birthday.

"Up! Get up! Now!"

Does that sound kind to you? No. She had rapped on the cupboard door, and I distinctly remember that Harry had to flick a spider off of a sock. What the fuck? And he was used to it!

Conclusion

I won't get into any more of this. I just can't. I've made my point clear. The Dursleys horrifically abused Harry and I'm fully of the belief that he would have been better off at an orphanage. And it's not like they wanted to take him in, either! Dumbledore left him on a doorstep in November with nothing more than a note. But that's another problem. And plenty of people are forced to take in kids they didn't ask for, but do they treat those children like shit? No! At least not all of them.

So, yes, the Dursleys did abuse Harry. His childhood was the stuff of nightmares. And I won't tolerate anyone saying that it "wasn't that bad" or "the Dursleys didn't want him in the first place". Because it was, and even though they didn't want him, that gave them no right to treat him as they did.

I know fanfiction loves to make the abuse worse, but they don't really need to. It's already extremely bad as it is. And I didn't even get into all the effects that this treatment had on Harry's mental state—or should have, at least. Rowling wanted an abused underdog that didn't have any symptoms of one. Damn her.

And I didn't even want to mention how Dudley was abused as well, just on a completely different spectrum than Harry. Any objective person that saw this treatment of both boys would have been extremely horrified and disgusted.

Alright, so, this is it. That's all I have to say.

[written-on-the-trees]

Do You Have A Name, Or Can I Call You Mine? - Machine Gun Kelly Fan Fiction

Word Count: 2550 words

Warnings: None

Summary: Colson gets the phone call he'd hoped for, and more. There are more bad pick-up lines.

Where else can you find this: Ao3 | Wattpad

Colson grinned down at his phone, unable to hide the expression when he saw the screen light up from another message from Rosie, knowing full-well it was another cheesy pick-up line.

 She sent one every on her lunch break, usually when Colson was just getting out of the apartment they were renting for the week, and he always sent one back. It was a bit dumb - real high-school childish shit - but he'd be lying if he said he didn't fucking love it, if only because it was an excuse to talk to Rosie.

 They hadn't had a chance to talk on a call yet; they seemed to have opposite schedules, with her finishing work around four in the evening, just when his day was really beginning, and he was still passed out in the morning before she started work at eight. Still, he didn't think they went more than twelve hours without messaging each other, and he liked her enough that he'd even mentioned her in passing to Casie when they'd spoken, telling her the story of how he'd met Rosie

 His daughter had rolled her eyes and told him not to embarrass himself and more than he already had with his bad pick up lines, only to be horrified when Colson told her Rosie found him funny, and had some awful pick-up lines of her own. The faux-fear on Casie's face as she'd whispered that now there were 'two of them now' had made him laugh so hard his jaw hurt...and gave him a little bit of hope that he and Rosie could make something work.

   MESSAGE FROM ROSIE 🌹

I would take you to the movies, but they don’t allow snacks.

That's what the kids are calling each other these days, right? A snack?

  Woman, I am thirty years old.

I have no idea.

  God I feel old. I called someone a hunk the other day, and Grace actually asked me what I was talking about.

  Oh yeah? Was that someone me?

  I couldn't say.

   It was a pretty standard chat for them - but it still gave Colson butterflies in the pit of his stomach.

 After a few days of messaging, the bad pick-up lines and chat had progressed into flirting, and now both of them were dancing around each other, trying to work out how serious the other one was...at least Colson was. He'd admit, it was a little bit weird to be the one feeling like they were chasing, and he was pretty sure he didn't like it. He was second-guessing what he messaged to her, over-thinking about what she messaged him, and generally giving himself anxiety over manning up and just telling her he wanted more than exchanging texts.

 Logically, he knew it shouldn't be that hard; he'd literally been speaking for her for four days, if she told him to fuck off, then it wasn't like he was losing someone who'd been in his life for years. It shouldn't be this hard to just say what he felt. But everytime he typed it all out, he ended up deleting it.

 He'd stopped even trying.

   If you say so. Honestly, I've got other worries.

I lost my teddy bear. Can I sleep with you tonight?

  I know you can't hear me, but I just groaned. Audibly.

The kids I have in detention are so confused.

   As stressed as he was over confessing his feelings to Rosie, that was enough to make him chuckle under his breath. The juxtaposition of Rosie, the badass looking woman he'd met at a venue bar, and Miss Barnes, the secondary school history teacher, was utterly hilarious to him. He just kept picturing her standing in front of a whiteboard in her fishnets and leather miniskirt every time her job came up...and whenever he got into the shower.

   Sorry, Miss Barnes.

  Fuck off.

   Chuckling, Colson slid his phone into his pocket and let himself into the studio he was recording at.

 He was determined to finish early today; he might not get done by four, but he was hoping to get out in time to ring Rosie before he went out tonight. Maybe he couldn't work up the courage to tell her how he truly felt, but that didn't mean he didn't want to speak to her. If anything, he was hoping hearing her voice might give him the kick in the pants to come clean.

 He was keeping his fingers crossed.

      MESSAGE FROM ROSIE 🌹

I know this is a bit short notice, but can we call?

  Yeah, course. Everything okay?

      Colson waited to see if Rosie would message back, only for her number to flash up as she skipped messaging just to call him.

   "Hey, you alright?"

 'I'm good. Friday's are rough.' Rosie sighed, sounded exhausted, even though it was only quarter past twelve: 'For once I didn't have anyone in detention so I've locked the door and now I'm hiding in the cupboard at the back of the classroom.'

 Colson let out a low whistle: "That does sound rough."

 'It's not that bad. I stuck an old desk chair in here and I have a phone charger and a bar of chocolate.'

 "I meant the fact that you're hiding in a cupboard, but I'm happy you're happy in there." Colson snorted, hearing Rosie chuckle softly in return: "What on earth did the kids do to drive you this insane?"

 'Ah, it's just the time of year. No-one wants to pay attention on a Friday, and next week is the last week before they get a week off for half-term, so all the kids have turned into monsters. Well, bigger monsters than they usually are.' Rosie sighed, before audibly cheering up: 'But I didn't call to bitch about my job; I called because I wanted to speak to you. And because I think I have found the best chat-up line ever.'

 "Oh yeah?"

 'I am going to complain to iTunes about you not being this week's hottest single.'

   Colson laughed so hard that Rook poked his head through the door of the kitchen, looking confused. Colson shook his head, making Rook raise his eyebrows, only backing out when Colson flipped him off with his free hand.

 He was definitely going to bother Colson about this later, the nosy little shit, but for now Colson couldn't bring himself to care about anything other than the way Rosie was laughing at her own joke. It was fucking adorable; she sounded so happy with herself for making him laugh, it made his chest feel a little tight. She was literally the best thing to happen to him this year, and he was already so attached that he didn't want to lose her.

 The sudden realisation made him bold - he couldn't keep chickening out of talking to her. He had to tell her how he felt.

   "I mean, that's good. So good I'm not sure mine is going to stand up to it."

 'Well, we'll never know if you don't say it.'

 "Wanna grab a coffee...because I like you a latte." Colson took a deep breath: "I suppose, to make up for it not being as funny as yours...I could tell you it's a serious offer?"

   The only response was silence.

   Colson was ready to take it back, only for Rosie to clear her throat: 'Like...a date?'

 "Yeah, like a date." Colson agreed: "I mean, it doesn't have to be coffee. We could go for dinner; there's this cool restaurant that's meant to be good, or we could go do something fun, or - "

 'Dinner would be nice.'

   Colson's heart stopped.

   She agreed to dinner. She agreed to dinner!

   "That's great!" Colson swallowed, feeling the same anxiety that Rosie sounded like she was feeling, and wanting to get away from it and focus on the excitement building in his stomach: "Because you know what’s on the menu? Me 'n' u."

 Rosie groaned, but he could hear her trying not to laugh as she did so: 'That was so bad...but it was also amazing, so it's a date. Literally.'

 "It's a date."

 'I can't wait.'

 "Me either. I'll see you Friday."

      Goddamn...

   Colson saw Rosie before she saw him, standing just inside the front door to the restaurant they'd agreed to meet at, all lit up by the soft yellow-white fairy lights strung that hung in a curtain against the wall behind her. She looked like a fucking dream: in a modest black dress that she somehow managed to make look scandalous, the material hugging every inch of her, even though it covered her from neck to wrist to just below her knees. With bright red lips and scarlet shoes, Colson wasn't sure he wanted to share the sight of her with all the other guys in the restaurant. He was already half-ready to punch the dude at the front desk, who was staring at her ass while her back was turned to him.

 Instead, he quickened his pace. The sooner they were seated, the sooner that guy could fuck off and eye-fuck some other woman.

   Even though he was pissed, the look on Rosie's face when he opened the door was more than enough to calm him down: "Colson! Did you have Lucky Charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious."

 Just like that, the anger was replaced with laughter: "Damn it, that was good. You keep making jokes like that, and I'm gonna think you're a campfire - because 'cos you’re hot and I’m going to want s’more."

   Rosie laughed, and allowed him to pull her in for a hug, wrapping her arms around his neck as he tightened his around her waist. He made sure to glare at the dude who'd been staring at her ass, even though he was now looking utterly disgusted by their exchange of cheesy pick-up lines, but mostly he got distracted by the smell of Rosie's perfume. It was a new one on him, but he was pretty sure he was already addicted to the muted citrus and almost peppery smell of it.

 They reluctantly pulled apart - and Colson was thrilled that Rosie seemed just as reluctant as he was - but remained in contact by holding hands as they walked up to the little podium thing, where ass guy was currently looking down his nose at them.

   "Do you two have a reservation?"

 "Yeah, for two, under the name Baker." Colson smirked, watching the guy's face drop.

   Colson felt no remorse.

 Ass guy called over a waitress and asked her to show him and Rosie to a table upstairs, before telling them to have a good meal. Rosie smiled, albeit coolly, making Colson wonder if she'd been aware of the jackass staring at her earlier, but Colson just smirked. He wasn't usually a dick to people; he'd worked at fucking Chipotle, he knew he wasn't better than anyone, but this dude was just asking for it. Colson wrapped an arm around Rosie's waist as they walked away, letting everyone in there know exactly who she was here with. They could eat their hearts out, he was the one lucky enough to get to sit down to have dinner with her.

 Just the thought was enough to make Colson smile.

   Rosie smiled back: "Oh, wow. Did the sun come out, or did you just smile at me?"

 "Damn." Colson reached up to cover his smile with his hand, even though it was widening: "That was good. Not as much as the Lucky Charms one, but still good. Almost makes me wish I didn't ruin it by hating my smile so much."

 "I try my best." Rosie winked: "And your smile is cute!"

 "Almost as cute as you." Colson winked at her watching her cheeks turn a faint shade of pink.

 Despite her blushing, though, Rosie wasn't lost for words: "Smooth."

 "Yeah? How's this for smooth - are you Netflix? Because I could watch you for hours."

 "Not bad...but not as good as roses are red, my face is too, that only happens when I’m around you."

   Colson laughed.

 Normally he liked having the last word, because the only thing he was more than mouthy was stubborn, and he wasn't ashamed of that...but something about going back and forth with Rosie made it more entertaining to just let himself stop looking for the next thing to say and just enjoy being truly present. There was no pressure from her for him to be edgy or sharp-tongued. Although she did seem to like him when he was, she also seemed to like him when he was spouting lame chat-up lines and being a dork.

 It was impossible to put into words how good it felt to be able to relax. There weren't a lot of people Colson could let his guard down around, but in the short time he'd known her Rosie had already become one of them. With her, he felt like he could talk about what he was doing, without worrying that it was going to get back to someone it shouldn't or end up on the internet.

 They talked about what he was doing in the studio, about her least favourite class to teach and how much she dreaded the last lesson on a Friday when she had them, about their family and friends and what was happening with them. Not once did Colson worry about anything he was saying or think about censoring himself. Nothing felt like stilted or forced - with Rosie, Colson was so engrossed in their conversation that he ordered and ate on auto-pilot, barely noticing anything other than Rosie. It was like she was the center of the universe tonight, and Colson couldn't keep his eyes off of her. It literally took the waitress coming over to ask if they wanted the cheque for Colson to realise that the restaurant was almost empty.

 The waitress was all too happy to let them pay, hurrying them out the door as politely as possible, hovering as Colson helped Rosie into her jacket, and wishing them a goodnight as they headed for the stairs. They got out onto the street, standing close to the window to let the city pass them by as they spoke.

   "Thank you for a really nice night." Rosie smiled: "The thought of this literally kept me going this week, and it was the best night I've had in a long time."

 Colson felt his heart start to pick up, even as he tried to act onfident: "I'm glad it lived up to your expectations...I'm also glad you've been fantasising about me."

 Rosie laughed: "You wish. Maybe I was just thinking about the dessert."

 "In fairness, that passionfruit cheesecake you had was fucking amazing." Colson laughed back: "I'd dream about that."

 "It was the best...well, except for you." Rosie smiled, her voice softening to something sweet and genuine: "I had a really nice time tonight, Colson."

 "I did too. Honestly, I think you might be the best thing to happen to me all year...so, at the risk of ruining all of that..." Colson tailed off, leaning down to pause with his lips an inch from Rosie's: "Can I borrow a kiss? I swear I’ll give it back."

   Rosie closed the gap herself, leaning up that last inch to press their lips together.

 It was amazing.

[saxxxology]

Keep it Cool (oneshot)

The air conditioning in the bunker goes out, and Sam’s choice of cool clothing is nothing but a distraction to you. 

PAIRING: Sam Winchester x Native American!Reader WARNINGS: smut and all the deliciousness that comes with it NOTE: This fic was originally co-written with @kittenofdoomage​. It is also 18+ only. Do not save or repost my work without my consent.

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The air conditioning in the bunker sucked. Being underground, the place usually stayed colder, enough that in the winter you had to get the heater working, but for some reason, the summer heat had infected every single room. All you could do was put on deodorant, get the fans going, and stock up on ice water.

Dean was good at staying cool, proudly displaying his glorious bowlegs as he ambled around in just a pair of boxers and a tee shirt. Sam, on the other hand, had a much more interesting alternative to staying cool.

Walking around shirtless in just a ratty pair of gray sweatpants was his way of keeping the heat off, which did absolutely nothing to help your own temperature regulation. 

You were in the kitchen, trying to fix yet another a fan you’d found in the basement and wearing nothing but a baggy tee shirt and cotton panties when Sam strolled in, those damn sweatpants hanging low on his hips. He was sweating like a pig, and you watched as he grabbed a bottle of ice water from the fridge and tilted his head back to down almost half of it in four long, deep gulps. He poured the rest over the back of his neck and shoulders, not caring as it splattered to the concrete floor.

“How in the hell can you exercise in this?” You asked, watching as the wind from the fan already on the table blew his hair back. “It’s almost ninety in here, Sam.”

“Gotta keep in shape,” he replied simply, “routine is everything.”

“Routine can go fuck itself when it’s this hot,” you returned. “You could get heatstroke.”

He shrugged and pulled the waistband of his sweats up, which did nothing as they simply sagged back down around the V in his hips. “I know my limits,” he said. “What are you up to?”

“Trying to fix this fan,” you muttered irritably, trying to ignore the way the muscles in his back flexed as he pulled a hairband from around his wrist and swept his long, coppery locks into a knot on top of his head. “Got all the dust out of it, now I just have to get it working.”

“Need help?” He ran a palm over the four-day stubble on his jaw. “I got time on my hands.”

You swallowed thickly and shook your head. The last thing you needed was Sam distracting you. “No thanks… it won’t take long.”

Sam offered a kind smile that was quickly betrayed by the twinkle in his eye. “‘Kay then. Call me if you need anything.”

An hour later and you still hadn’t got the damn thing to work. Sam wandered back into the kitchen as you—still not wearing any pants—called it names. He smirked at your indignation with the technology and leaned on the table once again, those powerful biceps now only a foot away from your face.

“You sure you don’t need help?”

The fan had you in a mood already, and Sam’s playful little smirk just rubbed you the wrong way. “Fuck you,” you mumbled, glaring at the failed project on the table.

Sam rolled his shoulders and shifted his weight, just enough that you could see the thick length of his dick hidden beneath the thin, gray fabric of his sweats. He was all sweaty and shiny and perfect; you could smell the musk seeping from every pore. 

“Well, I said I’d help,” he replied and your back went straight. “You look like you could relax a little.”

It seemed like all of the oxygen went out of the room as you turned to him, taking in the lewd smirk on his face. He was looking at you with lidded eyes, giving them the impression of total blackness and a shiver ran down your spine, pooling into your core with an unbearable heat. He’d never been like this in all the years you’d known him; the sweet, soft-eyed Sam you knew was gone within seconds, replaced by a feral, lust-filled man that was this close to fucking you silly.

You inhaled sharply, trying not to let him get the better of you. Sure, a good, dirty fuck sounded incredible, especially with a man like Sam, but the two of you were supposed to be just friends...

He shifted and you swallowed, lifting you head when he stood straight. God, he managed to make the room look smaller when he stood his full height, all flexing muscles and tanned skin.

“When do you get time to sunbathe?” you blurted out, nerves forcing your brain into the wrong gear entirely.

Sam chuckled, shaking his head and pushing his hair out of his eyes. “That’s where you went with that?”

“Sorry.” Your cheeks burned out of pure shame as you stood up and walked to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. “It’s just… you’re really tanned and it’s distracting.”

“Am I?” He looked down at his bare chest, purposefully rolling his shoulders to show off the wide, muscular expanse of his chest, and you moaned without restraint. Sam was smirking again when he looked up, eyeing you hungrily. “You’re really tense, Y/N,” he murmured, stepping a little bit closer.

“Are you trying to seduce me, Sam?” you asked, horrified at how girly and wispy your voice sounded.

Sam laughed, backing you against the table, only inches separating you. “Is it working?”

You shivered as the heat of his skin filled the space between your bodies. His scent was intoxicating, the sweet, honey-like perfume clouding every breath you took until you were literally breathing Sam in. You whined, almost stomping your foot at how infuriatingly seductive this God of a man was.

“Yeah,” you whimpered, “yeah, it is.”

His fingers grazed your cheek, and just like that you were gone. You stretched up, practically begging him to kiss you, and he obliged without hesitation. His lips were full and warm, and his stubble was delightfully scratchy. His hands promptly slid down your back to grab handfuls of your ass, and you gasped when he pulled you flush against him. The thick line of his cock pressed against your belly, held back only by the thin fabric of his sweats. His index fingers slid down between your thighs, pressing against the damp fabric covering your pussy. 

“You’re so wet,” he breathed, “could just slide right up inside you, huh?” An indiscernible sound left your mouth. Grinning wickedly, Sam took your hand, guiding it to his cock, and you squeezed through the cloth, feeling him twitch in your fingertips. “Come here, baby girl.”

You gasped as he hauled you off the floor and slung you easily over his shoulder. Long strides carried you swiftly down the hallway, reaching his room in no time at all, and the second the door was locked he dumped you on the bed, crawling on top of you and watching your thighs press together in an effort to seek relief. He took advantage of your positioning to hood his fingers in your panties, pulling them down and tossing them off the edge of the bed. You eagerly stripped off your shirt, feeling cool air from the single fan on the nightstand wash over your sweat-dotted skin, and Sam growled at the sight of your pert nipples, practically begging to be sucked on.

“Sam, please,” you whimpered, reaching for him.

“Ah ah ah,” he teased, “not yet. I want you to see what I’ve been doing while I think about you.”

You moaned when he rolled to lie on his back beside you, slowly pushing his sweats down until his cock sprang free. He was huge, the tip almost reaching his navel, and if anything, your pussy only grew wetter thinking about what he’d look like stretching your walls out.

“Fuck,” you breathed, reaching out to try and touch him. Sam took your hand and guided it down between your own legs. 

“If you need to touch something, touch yourself,” he directed with a dark smirk. “Hands off until I say so.”

You obeyed, watching him grip the base of his dick in one hand while massaging the shaft with the other, long up-and-down strokes causing the muscles in his forearm to flex deliciously. He let out a sharp huff and groaned, his lips parted as his back arched off the bed. “Shit,” he panted, turning his head to kiss you, “touch yourself, baby, show me how needy you are.”

Again, you obeyed, rolling your clit under your middle and index fingers as Sam stroked himself. A bread of clear precum dripped from his slit, falling in a thin, clear strand down to land on the smooth skin of his lower belly. He pumped himself harder, spreading his legs and bending his knees so he could thrust up into his grip.

“I bet your pussy’s better than this,” he muttered, chest heaving with exertion, “look at what you do to me, baby, you’re such a fuckin’ turn-on.”

You moaned louder, keeping your fingers working on your clit as Sam bucked his hips up. “Sam…”

“Lemme taste you,” he said breathlessly, reaching for your hand and pulling it from between your legs. He greedily sucked your fingers between his lips and sighed, sliding his tongue across the slick pads of your fingers, moaning at the taste. “God,” he gasped once he’d gotten as much as he could, “come here.”

Sam hauled you into his lap, arranging your legs on either side of his hips. His cock pressed at your entrance, and without even a consideration of birth control, you rolled your hips, letting the thick, warm head of him slide inside. 

A gutteral shout left his lips, and you felt him throb excitedly as you sank down even more. Sam pressed his shaking fingers into your waist, holding you as you started to ride… or tried to. You’d never ridden anyone so long, so thick, and you found that it was more difficult to keep him inside you than you thought as your inner muscles clenched and pushed around him. He made it easier by holding his cock at your entrance as you adjusted, your arousal aiding you as you slid down even more until you could practically feel him in your belly, but even then, he was just so big.

“Thatta girl,” he urged, staring up at you. His bun had come partially undone, and strands of hair were stick to his forehead and neck, the combination of that with his scruff utterly mouthwatering. He craned his neck up, wrapping his lips around one pert little nipple, and you cried out as his teeth scraped the soft flesh of your breast.

“Sam, I can’t,” you shook your head, inhaling sharply when he throbbed again, “you’re too big, you need to—”

Your words choked off into a loud scream as Sam wrapped his arms around you, pulled you down until he was crushing you against his chest, and started thrusting madly into you. The thick, heavy heat of him repeatedly punching into your cunt was more than you could handle, and your next breath was ragged with pleasure. Sam held you tightly as you writhed against him, his own growls and grunts matching yours in volume and intensity.

“That’s it,” he snarled, “that’s it, baby, take it all.”

He rolled, pushing you onto your back and holding himself over you. The angle of his cock changed, and you felt him slam into your sweet spot. Tears bloomed in your eyes, and Sam only chuckled between breathy groans as you held onto him for dear life.

“S-Sam,” you stammered, “fuck, I can’t take it—”

“Yeah, you can.” He pressed a sloppy, scratchy kiss to the side of your neck and tugged your hair, exposing your throat for him to lick and suck at.

The next cry of his name turned into a rough sob, and when his teeth caught the soft skin under your chin, you almost lost control. Sam only thrust faster, pressing his knees into the mattress in order to shove his entire weight forward. Your bodies were coated with sweat, and as a rush of heat bloomed between your thighs, you realized that he was making you squirt. He felt the rush of liquid, the sudden, frantic spasming of your pussy, and his forearm came up, landing on the mattress over your shoulder and caging you in underneath him. 

“God, that’s fuckin’ nice,” he panted, staring down at you as his bony hips continued to slap against yours, “always thought you’d be a cute squirter.”

You shuddered and arched up, your breasts and stomach rubbing against Sam’s hot, firm skin. Your nails dug into his arms, and you cried out again when he gave another sharp thrust, forcing more slick to gush from your wrecked pussy.

“Yeah, look at that,” Sam nibbled at your jaw and resumed his brutal, animalistic pace, not caring as you clawed at his back and clenched your thighs around his waist. “Such a needy little cunt.”

You whimpered when he reached up to grab the headboard, his cock now impossibly deep inside you as he used the heavy wood as leverage. “Sam, p-please—”

“Please what?” He growled into your ear and practically crushed you beneath him, using his entire body to hold you down while he fucked you. “Tell me what you need, baby.”

You choked on your next words as he shoved his cock in deep and held himself there. “I n-need to come…”

Sam smirked down at you, watching as your eyes rolled back in your head. He was so deep inside you he could feel your cervix against the tip of his cock. “Oh, baby, you don’t need to ask permission.”

He growled into your ear, the primal sound sending a bolt of arousal straight down to your core. His hips jerked as he steadily worked himself back to his rhythm, and you held onto his arms, your vision going white.

“Gonna come,” you gasped, “gonna come, Sam…”

Your mouth opened in a silent scream as your orgasm slammed into you, only made more intense by the second as Sam twisted his hips, grinding his body into yours so perfectly you felt like you were melting around him. You might as well have been; the room was already sweltering.

You were barely able to think straight as you came down from your climax. Sam was grunting like an animal, his hips bucking furiously as his cock swelled, throbbed, and poured into you. His cum dripped around the edges of his cock, sliding down the curve of your ass to pool underneath you. 

No man you’d ever been with had come that much.

Finally, he fell away with a groan, his cock slipping from your folds. You felt the warm rush of his cum inside you and moaned at the feeling of it dripping out. Sam’s chest was heaving with exertion, and you heard him clear his throat.

“You okay?”

You nodded slowly. “Yeah… yeah, I’m good.”

“Good.” He swallowed. “So… that happened.”

You laughed at his sudden awkwardness. “It did. It was good.”

He looked at you. “It was?”

“You made me squirt,” you said, blushing. “I made a mess.”

“Uh, more like we made a mess,” Sam corrected you, rolling onto his side and looking down at the mess between your legs. “I’m gonna need new sheets.”

You giggled and ran your fingers over the scruff on his jaw. “And I’m gonna need an ice bath.”

Sam chuckled and trailed his lips over your jaw. “I might join you on that one.”

You were just about to deepen the kiss when a fist pounded on the door. In the minutes of your frantic coupling, you’d forgotten about the other inhabitant of the bunker. 

“If you don’t mind,” Dean called grumpily, “you could keep it down next time!”

“Sorry!” You called back, grinning nevertheless as Sam slid an arm around your waist and pulled you close. 

“You’re not sorry at all,” he teased, nuzzling your jaw with the tip of his perfect, pointy nose.

You shook your head and laughed as he kissed your neck. “Nope. Not one bit.”

Likes don’t spread my work - please reblog & comment if you enjoyed reading this :)

[hapalopus]

Cats (2019) as live-blogged/experienced by a casual Cats (the stage show) fan:

They showed an ad for their new 4D technology and for a hot second I feared I'd have to see nude Idris Elba in 4D

The movie opens with cat eyes in the clouds, like Mufasa. This is never explained or commented on or referenced again

Victoria is in a sack and is thrown from a car into an alley. Just a tiny human shape struggling in a sack

Munkustrap is climbing like spiderman, head first, down a wall

Munkustrap is not hot in this version

Some cats are wearing shoes??? Nothing but shoes?

They gave Mistoffelees' lines to random background cats??

They basically float when they jump???? They are not present??? No weight??

Idris Elba saying 'what' in a confused tone in the middle of the first song, that's a mood

"cat got your tongue?"

Sexy dancing to 'The Naming of Cats' in a graveyard

The song is not bad tbh

Right when you think you've gotten used to the design something makes it gross again

The cats constantly change size. Sometimes the size of rats... sometimes children

Jennyanydots sings the part that should be sung by Demeter & Co and she does not sing it well

Oh god the mice... "It's dinner and a show" I was so afraid they'd vore the mice

Someone farted in the teater during the Gumbycat song

The roaches are actually okay except they're wearing heels and are supposed to be sexy

Tugger is wearing lipstick i think? All of the cats are

Tugger is not sexy

Jennyanydots joked about Tugger being neutered

Jennyanydots has too much screentime

Tugger is into Victoria? ????

Milk...

Jason Derulo screaming "MIIIILK!!!"

At least Tugger doesn't wave his crotch in people's faces in the movie

The movie is less horny than the stage show

Hissing

Grizabella looks sexy instead of sad

One cat wears a rat skull necklace? Do rats have rat faces in this universe??

"look what the cat dragged in"

"Macavity! Wanted for: everything" (this is actually a detail from the show, it's just funny)

Cats wearing nothing but sneakers

Bustopher Jones talks too much

Licking themselves

Bustopher hurt his balls haha! Funny joke! Always funny when a male character hurts his balls!!

I think some of the background dancers are cgi but honestly can't tell

Eating with their faces like cats

"puss in spats!" *repeats 10 times like it's the best joke ever*

I actually like what they did to Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer's song

They all have eyes that say "i want to eat you'

The folie guy was too busy. Bad sounds everywhere

The dog... Thank god they didn't show it

Mistoffelees is into Victoria???

What did they do to my little gay son Mistoffelees

Kidnapped cats are whisked away to a boat on the Thames

Growltiger and Griddlebone are NOT pirates in the movie???

Deuteronomy is called Old-cat Bog-body in the Danish subs so there's that

When a cat looks into the camera I feel fear

When Munkustrap rubs against Deuteronomy like a cat... That's not good

Gus and Deuteronomy have a relationship now I guess, but it's not gay because they turned Deuteronomy into a woman in the movie

Why is Skimbleshanks the Railway cat moving all sexy?

I love the dance parts in the show. Not so much in the movie

Why are the trying to make Victoria and Mistoffelees a thing???

Occassional breakdancing by Tugger

Ngl the instrumental music is dope

When their ears twitch... gross

When they all get on their hands and knees and go hng hng hng hng

The whiskers are gross

This woman just doesn't look sad and grimy enough to play Grizabella

WHY IS GRIZABELLA THE ONE TO WALK AWAY WHEN VICTORIA REACHES OUT? GRIZABELLA WANTS TO BE TOUCHED, THAT'S LITERALLY HER ONLY CONSISTENT TRAIT IN THE SHOW

'beautiful ghosts'? Is that a real song? Sung by Victoria?

Google says the song is made up for the movie

Yeah some of the music is pretty good... But they just don't have the power of the stage production

Oh god their gross pink human lips and weird cat ears and whiskers... Oh god the whiskers

At least they don't have cat tits

Gus lapping water from a bowl.

"knock on wood" *rubs against wooden beam*

Why is Deuteronomy and Gus a thing?

Dame Judy Dench lifting her leg up high after Gus' song

People saying 'meow'

Macavity yelling his name when he kidnaps Gus, but no one notices him

At least the guy playing Munkustrap has a pleasant voice

Skimbleshank's design creeps me out with his thin moustache and bare chest

I like the updated music sometimes

In Skimbleshank's song they all suddenly wear tap dancing shoes... And now they're in a train??? Victoria wears a cat-sized railway hat... Now they're back in the theater

Why does Bombalurina sing Macavity's song?

The catnip is a plot point. Makes everyone horny for Macavity

Ngl the Macavity song by Taylor Swift has something going for it

Did I say they don't have cat tits? Taylor Swift does

When the cats look at the camera i feel terror

NAKED IDRIS ELBA DANCING SEXILY WITH TAYLOR SWIFT UP AN ENDLESS STAIRCASE

"he's got soul!"

"I've got plenty of soul!!!"

Hissing

WALK THE PLANK

The background cat looking for Deuteronomy in Mistoffelees' hat while they're trying to convince Mistoffelees to magic back the kidnapped cats is great and it's the kind of stuff that's everywhere in the stage show and I miss it in the movie

WHY ISN'T TUGGER SINGING MISTOFFELEES' SONG, WHY IS IT MUNGOSTRAP AND MISTOFFELEES HIMSELF

Mistoffelees looks so sad always :/

Tiny horrific cgi mice under Mistoffelees' hat

WHY IS VICTORIA SINGING MISTOFFELEES' SONG NOW?? WHERE IS TUGGER IN ALL OF THIS?

Tugger is is singing yeee in a falsetto while the others are encouraging Mistoffelees holy shit???

Mistoffelees and Victoria rubbing against each other?? Dancing together? This movie is homophobic

NSKED Idris Elba is BACK

JENNYANYDOTS RIPPING OFF HER SKIN TO ESCAPE, REVEALING A DRESS AND A SECOND SET OF SKIN UNDERNEATH

"don't mess with a crazy cat lady"

WHY IS VICTORIA STARTING GRIZABELLA'S BIG SONG?

VICTORIA TOUCHED GRIZABELLA BEFORE THE 'TOUCH ME' LINE? SHE IS ACTIVELY TOUCHING GRIZABELLA AND TELLING HER TO SING

oh god the human lips... Their skin is bare on the nose, but fur-colored, why didn't they do that to the lips??

I'm sorry girl but you can't play Grizabella

The enunciation in 'i must wait for the sunlight' is gross

VICTORIA IS TOUCHING GRIZABELLA'S HAND BEFORE THE 'TOUCH ME' LINE WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING

'Memory' fading into the instrumental 'jellicle cats come out tonight' like that is honestly sacreligious

They gave no build-up before Deuteronomy chose Grizabella to be reborn? It felt so fake and forced

Grizabella is ascending in a broken chandelier in a theater instead of a burning tire in a junkyard and I don't approve of this change

Naked Idris Elba almost fell to his death and I feel robbed

I think they made Bustopher Jones gay? But not Mistoffelees/Tugger? This movie is homophobic

The movie end with Deuteronomy, Munkustrap, Victoria, and Mistoffelees singing and looking at the audience and it scares me

THEY CUT OUT THE PEKES AND POLLICLES SONG, IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES, BITCH

Munkustrap licking his lips and looking ferociously hungry at the mentioning of cavier god that was horrifying

WHY DID VICTORIA AND MISTOFFELEES END UP TOGETHER

WHERE WAS THE HOMOEROTIC TENSION BETWEEN MISTOFFELEES AND TUGGER

"I believe you are a Jellicle Cat... A dear licle cat..."

[tbr-agency]

the end.

summary ⟶  In which Hyunji ended her engagement with Junsu.

timeline ⟶ February 2016

characters : Yoon Hyunji (𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐒), Bang Nara (𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐒)

warnings ⟶ cursing, cheating, mention of porn, just angst.

❝ All I wanted was a happy ending. ❞

“You’re going to a different department? But why, Hyunji? I thought you love the job and everyone here.” questioned her manager, it was obvious that she was disappointed hearing from her voice.

“Well.. Yes.. you knew I was more interested on the security unit and I am one of The Bloody Roses members now - don’t worry, we will definitely see each other.” voiced out Hyunji as she was looking up towards her manager, trying not to let out any tears although her voice was a little shaky.

Hyunji decided to move out from the Human Resource department of MMG last minute. 

There was a specific reason but she didn’t have the guts to tell her manager the truth, though she knew that she could trust her manager.

They have been working together for 2 years and it was thanks to her that she could meet with Junsu, her supposed-to-be fiance.

“Thank you for everything, for the past 2 years.” Hyunji thanked her manager, while gripping onto her box tightly.

“Don’t mention it. Come by the HR department if you are free okay?”

Her night couldn’t get any worse, it started drizzling and it turned out to be raining cats and dogs.

But Hyunji was thankful that the rain could cover her never ending tears. 

This was the first time that she ever cried. 

Feeling her hands getting tired and her legs were about to pass out, she stopped at a nearby playground - throwing her box filled with her belongings that she always kept in her own office table.

As soon as she sat down, Hyunji face went downcast - sobbing as she couldn’t take it anymore.

“Are you sure about this? You’re not joking right?” Hyunji was frowning deeply, she was about to explode as soon as one of co-workers told her the truth that had been going on for almost 5 months.

Hyunji wasn’t there to hear the ridiculous rumor alone, Nara was there too as she looked at HR department staff that was close to Hyunji.

“Yes, Hyunji. I’m not lying. I care about you. I know it’s not my business but I can’t take it anymore - the night shift people couldn’t take it anymore.” said her co-worker from the HR team.

Nara raised an eyebrow towards Hyunji. She knew Hyunji’s co-worker wasn’t lying, Nara could read people’s expression and body language since she is working under the security unit team. 

Then one day, Hyunji decided to surprise visit the night shift team. As soon as she steps into the office lobby, she could hear it since the door of the small cafeteria was just beside the lobby.

They weren’t even trying to keep their voices small. 

Sounds of giggling from a woman, skin slapping one another. There were moans and groans, and a man’s voice saying ‘Faster, baby, faster.’

Hyunji was horrified, her body stood frozen. 

She recognize the man’s voice, it was her fiance.

Hyunji felt dumb, so dumb. There were lipstick stains on his shirt whenever they had supper together. Why didn’t she figured out after smelling the unfamiliar woman’s perfume whenever they went out on a date?

Hyunji breathe in and out as she stood in front of the closed cafeteria door. She knew what she is going to faced as she hurried twisted the doorknob - to reveal the couple.

Seeing the situation right, Hyunji preferred watching porn rather than this. This is more disgusting than porn itself.

“What the— Hyunji!?” 

Hyunji smirked a little as she somehow couldn’t help but stare at their position - and to embarrass them more, Hyunji opened the door to reveal her colleagues hovering at the corner.

They were about to leave. 

“Don’t leave! Stay. Maybe you could - you know sent this to the executives. I’m sure they love gossips.” Hyunji turned towards the couple. 

Somehow they looked mad, especially the woman.

“Why the fuck do you look mad for? I’m suppose to be mad here.” Hyunji spoke in aggressive and loud tone towards the woman, who was Junsu’s personal assistant. 

Hearing the younger one’s sudden outburst, she jumped a little.

“And you. Well, I am speechless - they were right. You are a shameless piece of shit. No - not just you, your assistant too. This is an office for fucks sake. And this is a FREAKING CAFETERIA. You are doing it in front of FOOD. IT’S UNHYGIENIC. Couldn’t the two of you did it a hotel?” Hyunji interrogated, her eyes were filled with anger.

“Hyunji- hold on- I can—

“Zip it, you shitty head. Well, I’m out of this department anyway - and guess what I am out of this relationship and soon-to-be marriage. I am done.” Hyunji took out her ring as she threw it towards Junsu before walking out of the cafeteria.

But she stopped as she turned towards Junsu with a teary smile.

“All I wanted was a happy ending.” Hyunji paused.

“But I guess you are going for a twisted ending,” Hyunji muttered before turning back towards the front to see her co-worker who looked like she had cried.

“I’m sorry, Hyunji.” One of her co-workers apologized and Hyunji smiled sadly.

“Thank you for telling me - although they have been doing it for more than a month but whatever. I’ll tell the executives about this. There are cameras everywhere anyway.” 

Hyunji immediately called it off, telling her parents about it - causing a huge argument between her parents and Junsu’s parents, which Hyunji didn’t care at all. 

Even if his parents didn’t believe her, there were proofs and if they still didn’t believe, then they are one of a kind.

By now Hyunji didn’t realize that she was sobbing like a mad woman - but she do realize that she was shaking due to her being cold, she was soaking wet.

She didn’t even realize that there was a pair of feet in front of her due to her eyes being blurred by tears.

“Yah! I have been standing here for 5 minutes with an umbrella shielding you.” 

Hyunji immediately look up to see Nara with an umbrella covering her.

“What are you doing!?! You’re gonna get wet!”

“I don’t mind suffering - isn’t it fair? If you’re suffering, I’m going to suffer too.” Nara smiled a little, her eyes never leaving Hyunji’s. 

She could see the younger one’s eyes swelling and her blood shot eyes.

“How did you get here? How do you know I’m here?” Hyunji slightly sob and Nara showed her phone that has the GPS tracker then pointing towards her car that was parked nearby.

“My car and the tracker?” said Nara sheepishly.

“Are you stalking me?”

“Well.. I’m bored.. And I know my best friend is sad so..” Nara pouted slightly, causing Hyunji to chuckle. 

She knew Nara found out from her co-workers.

“The rain isn’t stopping. I don’t mind playing here and we could re-act ‘Singing In The Rain’ scenes or do you want to drop by The Bloody Roses’ house for a hot chocolate?” Nara offered with a smile, causing Hyunji to tear up more.

She didn’t know what to do without Nara.

“I love both of the options but I preferred the 2nd one.” answered Hyunji with a small smile.

“Okay then! Next stop, The Bloody Roses’ house!”

masterlist : Got7 Bodyguard Au

[insfiringyou]

Drunk sex with Suga / you try anal

Contains: Fluff. Smut. Humour. Slight angst. Fingering. Oral sex. Vaginal sex. Anal sex.

AN: Although this scenario can be enjoyed on its own, we imagine the reader here to be Jeong-sun, Suga’s girlfriend who features in our headcanon universe. For new readers, read more about our headcanon universe here. We are sure you will love it as much as we do. This takes place around 5 months into their relationship, after he has told her he loves her but before the events of Boat Party. 

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin  /   Suga  /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook & Our full masterlist can be found here

Rated content below cut

You giggled and clutched onto the dark, mossy green fabric of his sweater sleeve as you righted yourself and closed the front door of your apartment. You had both tripped over the front step, staggering and unstable from the amount of beer you had consumed at the chicken restaurant. It had been his idea to meet you after work and he had waited patiently outside the shop front as you closed up the pharmacy, locking the cash in the office safe, turning off the electricity for the night and finally closing the metal shutters. You weren’t supposed to close up by yourself but the co-worker who usually joined you on the evening shift had called in sick at the last minute and your boss was unable to find cover fast enough. You usually wouldn’t mind too much. After all, your co-workers loved to pass the time by gossiping about the latest K-drama news which you could never keep up with, but you were supposed to be meeting Yoongi back at your apartment to spend the weekend together.

You called him as soon as you realised you wouldn’t be finishing on time after all; the close up was a two person job and it would take you much longer by yourself. You were surprised to find him waiting outside for you when you finally locked up the store front.

“It’s late.” He explained as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into an embrace. “The busses stop in twenty minutes...” He didn’t have to explain that he had been worried about you walking home by yourself so late at night. You gently kissed him on the lips and when you pulled away, he asked whether you had eaten. You had quickly nipped home first to get changed out of your uniform, instead opting for a pair of well-fitting navy jeans and a fairly new low-cut top. He had watched you get changed from the corner of your bedroom, his eyes roaming a little over your curves but remaining silent.

Now, safely in the familiar comfort of your cramped and slightly messy apartment, your stomach full of chicken and beer, you turned to him.

“Put the leftovers in the fridge.” You gestured towards the small kitchenette by the edge of the living room. He had been heading there anyway, clutching a white plastic bag in his hand.

He flashed you a wide grin, his pink gums partially exposed above his full upper lip. “You won’t want them tomorrow...”

You shook your head although you suspected, through the foggy haze of your drunkenness, that he was probably right. The restaurant, just around the corner from your small, one bedroom apartment, had been very cheap and you had overestimated your appetite after your long evening shift. The waiter, a young, ache-scarred man barely out of his teens, had regarded you with a confused frown when you had asked if you could take the remainder of your dinner home as leftovers. Yoongi had watched this exchange with a grin, leaning his elbow on the table and resting his chin against his closed fist. As you left the restaurant, he had insisted that you wear his leather jacket for the short walk home; the weather seemed to have dropped at least ten degrees since you had set off.

“It’s wasteful...” You now explained as you joined Yoongi in your small kitchen and tugged gently on the hem of his sweater. You had seen him wear it on several occasions before, usually around his apartment when he was working on his songs, but today, despite its casualness, you were finding it incredibly, frustratingly sexy. You pulled him a little more playfully as he bent down over the small fridge and opened the door. Leaning over his shoulder, you regarding the contents of the box; a few eggs, a sliver of streaky bacon, some mouldy salad in the bottom compartment. He reached inside and started to place the carrier bag on the empty top shelf as you hovered behind him. Instead of leaving the bag there, however, he quickly straightened up and retracted his hand, closing the fridge door and dropping the carrier into the garbage bin beside it. Your mouth opened in shock.

“No! Why did you do that?” You gasped, horrified. It was probably the drink.

He flashed you another shit-eating gummy grin, incredibly proud of himself. You thought it incredibly obvious that he was feeling more than a little tipsy himself. Although you didn't get drunk often together, when you did you always found him to be good-humoured, silly and a little more affectionate.

“There are children starving Yoongi!” You found yourself grasping hold of his green sweater, subconsciously pulling him towards you despite your displeasure at his seemingly selfish actions.

“You wouldn’t have eaten them.” Yoongi explained with a small, breathy laugh. “Even the waiter at the restaurant was confused...”

You opened your mouth and quickly closed it, knowing he was right. “That’s not the point...” You tried to argue.

“It looked like shit...”

You scoffed. “You look like shit!”

His grin remained as you edged him closer by the hem of his sweater. His crotch pressed against your stomach. “Break up with me then.” You could feel his warm breath against your face as he looked down at you, his attractive smile remaining. His hands sneaked around to the roundness of your bottom, squeezing you through your skinny jeans. You looked down to find that your own hands were still clutching at wool.

“Where did you even get this thing?” You asked, your voice softening.

He followed your gaze. “Online. It was 23,000 won with postage.”

You smirked and mocked. “Aren’t you fancy?” Roaming your hands under his sweater, you brushed the soft swell of his stomach while his own hands moved over your arse slowly, kneading the flesh there gently. He looked down at you with deep brown eyes, his face now centimetres from your own. His smile had gon and you felt your heart thudding in your chest, your stomach fluttering with butterflies.

“Do you want me to get one for you?” He asked.

“No.” You shook your head, your voice full of mock disgust. You moved forward and opened your mouth against his, standing on your tip-toes to press closer. He returned the kiss passionately, pressing his tongue into your mouth and grasping the back of your head with one palm, pulling you into him. You were both a little clumsy in your drunkenness and mutually allowed the kiss to become a little messy and discordant. When you pulled away from him your mouth was wet and you could see that his own lips, flushed red, also glistened with your saliva.

You sighed dramatically wrapping your arms tightly around his neck. “You’re such a cunt.” You grumbled.

“You’re a cunt.” He contended, his purr voice low against your lips.

“Why did you do that?” You asked, sulking, suddenly aware you sounded like an annoying child but unable to break your trail of thought.

He let out a breathy laugh. “You’re still mad about that?” His hands ran under the leather jacket and brushed your covered back, skimming his long fingers along your hips and rib cage. Your body felt hot and tingly and you could tell your cheeks would be flushed red.

You rolled your eyes. “It’s the principle..” You leaned forward and kissed him again, capturing his lips between yours. The sound echoed around the room as he pecked you back.

Pulling his mouth from you he grinned. “Do you want me to fish it out for you?” He kissed you again, his soft, wet lips massaging yours. “I could serve it to you for breakfast tomorrow along with those out-of-date eggs on the bottom shelf I saw...” His voice was so comforting against you, his breath warm and pleasant against your mouth and nose and cheeks.

You playfully slapped his arm. “Fuck off...”

“I love you.” His voice was low and sincere, despite his grin.

“Are you sure?” You teased, meeting his gaze across the small space. You could feel his entire body pressed against you; your breasts felt sensitive and delightful against his chest.

His hands stopped their roaming and he held you still against him, his fingers splayed across your hips. When his mouth returned to yours he was incredibly tender and you could feel the emotion in his lips.

You naturally moved together across the small living room and towards the narrow hallway which led to the single bedroom, your bodies only breaking apart to dodge the array of objects which littered the carpet and presented a tripping hazard; your ironing board, a half-filled basket of laundry, the television remote control on the floor. Your bed was likewise a mess and, as you moved apart to your respective sides of the bed, you both leaned forward in unison to clear the duvet. He was much more careful than you; placing your pot of moisturiser, hairbrush and Stephen King paperback on your bedside table. In contrast, you swiped through the jumble of items messily and knocked them deliberately and hastily onto the floor. There was a small clatter as something heavy hit the carpet.

“What was that?” He asked, straightening up to look at you across the double bed.

“Just my hair straighteners...” You shrugged before crawling onto the sheets. He followed from his side, balancing on his knees as he moved towards you. Reaching down beneath your covered knees, you roughly tugged the paisley patterned covers in an attempt to find the edge of the duvet. You gave up after a moment, instead opting to lay on your back on top of the quilt. Yoongi joined you and reached out for the sleeve of your jacket, running his hand along the black leather before curling his hand around the curve of your upper arm.

“It looks good on you.” He complimented.

You flipped your head dramatically to look at his soft expression beneath his ruffled black hair, your eyes flickering from his pale, creamy skin to his covered chest. You smirked, finding yourself in your tipsiness unable to stop coming back around to the topic of his sweater. “Who wears leather and wool?”

He reached forward and eased the jacket from your shoulders. You allowed him to slip the sleeves down your arms and pull the fabric from your body but as he moved to discard the jacket on the bedroom floor, you found yourself clutching at it, suddenly worried that he was going to tell you he wanted it back for good. It was just the alcohol, but the thought made you panic.

“No...no...” You called out. He let go of the jacket and allowed you to take it back, watching as you pressed it against your body as though you were cradling a newborn baby. You were silent for a few moments before you reached into one of the oversized pockets and brought out a packet of cigarettes and a disposable lighter Yoongi must have forgotten had been in there. You had not seen him smoke in over a month but knew his habit was sporadic and he could just as likely start again tomorrow. You allowed the black jacket to drop to the bedroom floor, your interest in the item forgotten now that your attention was fully fixed on the half-full packet of twenty. Yoongi watched you curiously from his side of the bed, resting on his side.

You flipped open the packet and placed a cigarette between your lips, letting the cardboard box drop to the covers as you flopped back onto your back and focused your attention on the purple lighter in your hand. You flicked your fingers against the small metal wheel a few times to create a spark.

“What are you doing?” Yoongi asked, leaning over you and reaching for the cigarette. He took it and flipped it around before placing it back between your open, pouting lips. You realised, belatedly, that you had put the wrong end in your mouth and had been about to set alight to the filter. You were an inexperienced smoker, having only tried on a handful of occasions during your university years, but had been suddenly overcome with the desire to get a reaction from him. You reached up and lit the correct end, watching as a pillar of blue-grey smoke drifted towards the chipped white paint on the ceiling.

Yoongi’s eyes remained fixed on you. “Don’t you have smoke alarms?” He asked.

“Disabled.” You felt an intoxicating rush with each inhale, the smoke hitting your lungs harshly and causing you to feel a little dizzy.

He leaned over your body and caressed your lips with his fingertips before removing the cigarette. You had neglected to flick the ash from the end of the stick and a couple of inches protruded from the white paper. Yoongi, cupping the cigarette between his thumb and index finger, took a drag before tapping it a couple of times against a ceramic dish on your bedside table. He moved back to his side of the bed as you watched him inhale and exhale a couple of times expertly, the nicotine hit clearly not having the same effect on him as it had on you.

“You’re such a shit...” You called from the pillow. He glanced down at you, the cigarette pressed to his lips. “You make it look sexy.” You explained.

He smirked, taking another drag. “You went in my pocket...” He shrugged.

“You gave me your jacket.” You argued.

He grinned. “It looks good on you.” He repeated, leaning forward and pressing the half-finished cigarette back to your lips. You reached up with your right hand and took it between your middle and forefinger, taking another drag. “It compliments your breasts...” He continued, his dark eyes briefly flashing towards your visible cleavage.

Smirking, you grasped your right breast a little roughly with your spare hand. “I was thinking of getting them reduced.” You teased, slightly annoyed that smoking one of his cigarettes had not had the kind of reaction that you craved from him. You felt your desire from earlier returning. “Nothing fits me anymore...” Your voice slurred a little, despite your arousal, the effects of the beer and nicotine were causing you to become factious and a little quarrelsome.

“Are you serious?” He asked. You heard a stab of concern in his voice and smiled softly, suddenly losing interest in making him agitated and instead wanting nothing more than to feel his hands on your body.

“No...”

He let out a breathy sigh of relief. “Thank fuck. They’re perfect.” He smiled as he reached over to your hand, now laying at your side, and picked the quickly forgotten cigarette from between your fingers. You had smoked it down to the filter. He reached back over you and stubbed the end out in the little ceramic pot before settling back down beside you and moving his hand to your thigh, rubbing gently along the denim of your jeans. You shifted onto your side and faced away from him, reaching for the metal button of your jeans and quickly unclasping them, tugging down the waistband to reveal your black panties. You had opted to wear a G-string when you had gotten changed earlier; enjoying the feeling of Yoongi’s eyes on your bare arse as you slipped down the comfy pair you had worn for work. Now, you finally felt his hands against your skin as he massaged your bottom with his bony fingers, kneading the soft flesh leisurely as you let out a soft moan.

“Are you horny?” You asked, not bothering to turn around and read his expression.

“I wouldn’t say no.” He replied. You could hear a trance of humour in his voice and smiled.

“I am...” You sighed.

“I can tell.”

“I don’t hate your sweater.” You admitted, feeling as though you were revealing an important secret. Your body still buzzed pleasantly with the effects of the beer.

“I know.” His voice sounded a little more serious than you expected and you felt your chest ache.

“I love you.” You no longer wanted to tease him, just feel him pressed against you and inside of you.

“I love you more.” He said.

You reached backwards, reaching for him, wanting to hold him. Your hand brushed his bulge. “I love your cock...” You said candidly, your thoughts immediately distracted by the feel of his crotch beneath your hand.

He let out a breathy laugh as you rubbed him through his jeans. “You’re drunk...”

“I know.” You gave him a little squeeze. “But I do.” You plucked up the strength and effort to roll your body to face him and unbutton his jeans. He allowed you to slip him out of his white underwear and watched on, a little amused, as you took him in your mouth. He wasn’t quite fully hard but you moved along him regardless, sucking his length a few times before moving away and flopping back down onto your side, your attention span floundering with your intoxication. You felt tired.

After a few moments of patient silence, you felt Yoongi loop his arms loosely around your torso as he nestled himself against you. You allowed him to hold you for a few minutes in silence, clutching his hand in yours and enjoying the soft feeling of his green sweater against your skin. The wool smelt soft and powdery, of the washing powder he used mixed with the spicy-woody scent of his aftershave. Beneath that, there was the lingering but not entirely unpleasant scent of beer and cigarette smoke which drifted from his warm breath on your shoulder. Felling the softness of his lips as he kissed your bare shoulder, your craving to have him closer to you returned and you moved his hand upwards, encouraging him to caress your breast through the thin fabric of your top. He complied silently, squeezing his palm gently around your flesh and massaging you in small, circular motions.

“Do you want to fuck me?” You whispered, breathy.

“I just want to be close to you.” He purred against your ear, pressing himself closer to your back as though to prove his point. His hand continued stroking your right breast and you moaned as you felt the hard nub of your nipple connect with the centre of his palm.

“How close?” You asked, a new craving occurring to you.

“What did you have in mind?” His voice is open, inquisitive and you couldn’t help but feel grateful for his amiability in that moment. You had never brought up the topic with anyone else and, in honesty, had never truly given it much thought, but the sudden urge to try it out was overwhelming. You reached behind you and confidently slipped your thong down to your knees to join your jeans.

“I haven’t tried anal before. Have you?” You asked.

“No.” You couldn’t read anything into the tone of his voice.

“Do you want to try?”

There was a pause and you suddenly felt your alcohol-fuelled confidence dwindle. After a moment his voice called out. “It’s dim...” You frowned, confused, as he reached over your body and flicked the switch on the bedside lamp. You realised that he meant the single energy saving bulb hanging from the ceiling did not cast enough light in the room to properly see what you were doing. You had meant to change it for the last few weeks. He looked down at you, hovering on his hands before kissing you passionately. You found yourself sinking into him easily, feeling your chest ache with your simple and uncomplicated love for him in that moment. You knew, in the back of your mind, that the feeling would not last long; that when the weekend was over he would be travelling again and have to leave you for days, weeks or even months. You tried to ignore this nagging, stupid feeling and allowed yourself to be consumed by his taste, his soft caressing lips and warm breath as he held you close. You seemed to lose track of the time as he cradled you, his arm supporting the back of your neck, and when he finally pulled away you found that you had half-forgotten the question you asked him in the first place.

“Do you have lube?” He asked in a low voice, the question bringing your thoughts back on track. He lowered you back onto the sheets and you settled back in your previous position, facing away from him.

“No...”

He huddled against you and, after a moment, pressed his fingers to your cunt, slowly sinking his fore and middle finger into you up to the knuckle. You gasped as he filled you out, slicking his digits with your juices. You could feel yourself growing wetter as he casually fingered you, coating himself with you and listening to your moans with parted lips. He pulled out and trailed his fingertips upwards, rubbing the pucker of your other hole a little with his moist digits. Your breath hitched audibly at the new sensation. It was exciting if not entirely pleasant.

“Is this okay?” He asked quietly, caressing you a few more times.

“Yes...” You gasped, wondering whether he would be able to succeed. It suddenly didn’t feel as important that he did. You were beginning to feel a little tired again.

He removed his fingers from you and grasped himself tightly, tumescent but not quite rock-hard. He nestled himself between your folds before sinking into your cunt languidly, dipping in and out of you with soft, nonchalant motions, lubricating his cock unhurriedly. Eventually, he slipped out of you and pressed upwards. You gasped as you felt the very tip of his cock penetrate and push into you. He held you still, his spare hand grasping your bare arm as he pushed forward with his hips. You anticipated pain or pleasure or something more substantial than the vague sensation you were currently experiencing, but it soon became apparent that he could not immerse himself any further.

“I don’t think...” His voice said, low, from behind you.

“You’re not close enough.” You argued softly, adjusting your hips as he parted your legs further in response, pushing one in front of the other before moving back in. He tucked you against him, moving his hand to your waist and you let out a moan, not in response to the sensation between your legs but at how close his upper body was to you.

His breath was warm against your neck as he sighed. “I don’t want to hurt you...” You remained silent as he persevered for another minute, holding himself against you. Eventually you felt him pull away. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I can.”

You rolled over on to your back slowly, wanting to see his face and finally feeling more sober. You met his gaze. He looked apologetic and you reached out for his hand.

“I’m sorry I don’t take it up the arse everyday.” You joked drily, brushing your thumb over his bony knuckles. His face cracked up in a grin and he laughed. You smiled in reply, letting him know that you weren’t disappointed. It had been a drunken suggestion and nothing more. You didn’t know whether you would ever feel the need to try it again, but the moment, at least for now, had passed.

He brushed his palm over your stomach, running it under the thin fabric of your shirt and you left your jeans and underwear where they were, seeing that he was no longer hard. You felt your eyelids growing droopy and heavy and rolled back over onto your side to mimic your usual sleeping position. You felt him press against your back once more, nestling his thigh between your parted legs.

“Is this close enough?” He purred, kissing the edge of your ear.

“Yes.” You closed your eyes, not bothering to turn off either of the lights. “You shouldn’t have thrown away the leftovers...” You mumbled, feeling yourself starting to drift.

His lips moved down to your shoulder and he pressed his mouth to you. “I’m sorry.” He said, sounding tired himself.

Sleep had started to take you but you mustered up the last of your energy, feeling it was very important that he knew. “I love you.” You murmured against the duvet. “I wish there was a better word to explain it...”

“I know.” His low voice vibrated through your body. “I feel the same.”

You smiled, a little sadly, not that he could see. “Turn off the lamp.” You said. “I’m trying to save electricity...”

Just before sleep finally consumed you, the warm red glow behind your eyelids faded. You felt the weight of him move off the bed as he walked across the room to switch off the main bulb. Everything turned black before you heard the rustle of him behind you as he crawled back into bed. His lips returned to the back of your neck and you felt the warmth of his breath on your skin, eventually slowing down as you both slid into darkness. Your last waking thought was that you loved him with all your heart and that you hoped it would be enough.

***

Thank you for reading. Please stay tuned for many more scenarios (including some very important Yoongi and Jeong-sun bits in the weeks to come!!!) Our full masterlist can be found here

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin /   Suga /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook

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[jungshookz]

ceo!yoongi

→ pairing: min yoongi x reader 

→ genre: ceo!au, clumsy!y/n because that’s always nice, jimin is ur best friend, floofy fluff, a touch of nsfw aka office sex

→ wordcount: 21k+ so u should probably read this using ur laptop and not ur phone

→ note: inspired by my love for an intimidating yoongi in suits 

(gif isn’t mine!) 

(((and the read more function iS there so if it doesn’t work for some reason i am sorry don’t attack me))) 

“shit, shit, shit, fuck- ow, shit- fUCK”

you scramble around your apartment shoving things into your purse while simultaneously dressing yourself

out of all the days to wake up late

why did todAY have to be one of them???

you have your house keys dangling from your mouth while you wiggle into a pair of jeans aNd your phone is sandwiched in between your shoulder and your ear

“the new boss is going to be here any minute now, where the hell are you??”

“obviously i slept through my goddamn alarm, jimin! i- yes, i’ll be there in like… five minutes. i’m on the bus already”

that was an obvious lie because you’re still trying to find a decent shirt to wear

you end up going with a polka-dotted button blouse

“you better hurry, i hear this guy’s a bit of a hard ass. apparently he fired someone who was only two minutes late to-“

“you’re freaking me out, jimin!!!! look, it’s fine he’s probably just going to introduce himself and then hole himself up in his office so he won’t even notice that i’m late”

your own words reassure you and you slow down to take your time in choosing a pair of shoes

“okay, yeah but you’re his secretary, y/n. i think he’ll notice if his own damn secretary isn’T THERE”

…..he has a fair point

“if you don’t get here in the next ten minutes dinner’s on you tonight” the call clicks off and all you hear is the dial tone

by the time you get to the office it’s 9:23 so you’re officially 23 minutes late BUT you made a stop by the starbucks across the street to grab a soy latte for the new boss

the old boss (mr lin - he was pretty chill but he was alSo pretty old so that explains why the company decided to let him go) would forgive you immediately when you presented a soy latte and a muffin to him

you were sure you’d be fine

“ooh, hold the lift, hold the lift!!!!!” you slip right into the lift right as the doors are about to shut and you let out a sigh of relief because you didN’t spill the coffee thank god

“hey, morning” you turn to give a nod of acknowledgement to the (handsome, very very handsome) stranger standing next to you

he’s dressed in a crisp suit and he’s currently scrolling through his phone but he looks up at you and kind of looks you over before humming in response

his raven black hair looks awfully soft and it’s perfectly styled

and whatever his cologne is…. you’re digging it because he smells goOd

you look up at the little screen telling you that you’re only on the eighteenth floor

the office is on the fifty-second floor and this lift is literally as slow as a snail

you then notice that the stranger is also going to the fifty-second floor

huh

a new co-worker!!

so either you wait in awkward silence with this hot stranger or you try to stir up some conversation

“y’know, i hear the new boss is a bit of a prick.” you snort, glancing over at the stranger. he tenses and his eyes leave his phone but he doesn’t turn

“oh, really? interesting” he shifts and tightens his grip on the folders he’s holding

“mm. and i’m his new secretary so hopefully he doesn’t chew me out for being-“ you look down at your watch “28 minutes late”

“his name’s yoongi. min yoongi. even his name sounds snooty, am i right?” you snort, glancing over again and just tryIng to get some kind of a reaction out of this emotionless person “are you, uh, are you new here?”

usually you’re like super charming but it doesn’t seem to be working on this guy

you glance up at the screen again and let out a breath of relief because you’re approaching the fifty-second floor

“it’s not good to be late, but i admit i’m a little behind on schedule as well. and yes, i’m new.”

“we better hurry otherwise mr min’ll have both our heads on sticks!”

“are you late because you stopped to get a coffee and food?” he raises an eyebrow and looks down at the starbucks cup

“hm? oh, well, kinda. it’s more like an apology drink and a chocolate chip muffin for the boss.” you raise the cup and the paper bag slightly “everyone loves muffins”

the elevator dings and the two of you look up

the doors open and you’re surprised to see… what looks like every single employee just standing in front of the doors

the stranger takes a step out but turns around quickly to face you and you’re kind of like ??

“i’d suggest doing a little more research next time, secretary. i’m not a muffin person.” and then he’s walking out and everyone’s bowing respectfully to him as he introduces himself

it doesn’t hit you until the doors slowly begin to close again and the last thing you see is jimin looking at you with so much pity in his eyes

“you’ve got to be kidding me.”

THAT WAS YOUR BOSS

THAT WAS MIN YOONGI AND YOU TOTALLY JUST

you would be so happy if in this moment the elevator just broke down and sent you hurdling down fifty two floors to your DEATH

you freeze when the doors slide open again but thankfully it’s just jimin standing there

“hey buddy” he approaches you slowly as if you were a ticking time bomb 

“hi”

“….so you met mr min i see”

“mhm”

“and i’m guessing u didn’t know that was mr min”

“yes”

“and i’m guessing u tried to strike up a conversation abouT mr min tO mr min”

“indeed”

jimin has to drag you out of the elevator and you’re as still as a statue as he fixes the collar on your blouse and makes sure your employee lanyard is straightened up

“i wouldn’t have gone with this blouse but i suppose this is presentable enough” jimin gestures towards the long hallway leading to yoongi’s office doors (with your cute little station set up by the doors) before he’s giving you a pat on the shoulder and heading back to his cubicle

you know that scene from the shining

the shot where it’s like a long, long hallway and there are those two creepy twins at the end

this is like that except instead of twins you have your new terrifying new boss’ office

you set your bag down on your chair before turning to the doors

you clear your throat a couple times and look down at the latte and the muffin sitting on your desk

maybe he’ll like the latte

so you pick it back up and you give yourself until the count of three

and then you’re knocking on his door and you hear a muffled ’come in’

you take a second to think over what the hell you’re going to say to him

“mr min i am sO sorry i swear i wasn’t trying to offend you i was just trying to be funny because i thought you-“

and just when you thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse

things get worse

because yoongi just so happened to be standing right by the door as you opened it and of COURSE you knock into him causing the lid to pop off the cup and now the two of you are covered in latte but it’s more you than him thanK god

your face is so red you’re sure you’re going to explode

you don’t even know what to say at this point

“i am……. so-“

“sorry? yeah, i’m seeing a main theme here with you.” yoongi scowls and shakes some coffee off his hand before looking down at his stained louis vuitton button up

this was new but it’s okay because he has 10 ten more in his closet

“i’ll pay for the dry cleaning?” is all you can squeak out because you are just so horrified

yoongi rolls his eyes discreetly while he’s patting himself down with his silk handkerchief

what the hell is wrong with you??? you’re not usually this clumsy and you’re sure you’re like 1 more sorry away from getting fired

“can you just send me my schedule for today?” he sighs as he heads back towards his desk “i’m sure it’s easy enough for you to handle” he mutters condescendingly and you know what you totally deserve that comment so you’re fine with it

“yessir” you don’t even bother asking if he actually wanted a coffee or not because you just want to get out of his fiery gaze

surprisingly the rest of the morning goes by pretty smoothly

he came out of the office wearing a new crisp shirt and you were like dAng this guy’s prepared for any situation

unlike you

because you’re sitting here with your cardigan buttoned all the way up to hide the stain

you keep a smile on your face whenever yoongi passes your desk to head back to his office but after you hear his door shut the smile drops and you always let out a breath of relief

he’s just so…. scary

and he’s your age too

if he was a co worker instead of your boss you were 100% sure the two of you wouldn’t get along at all

and you get along with almost EVERYONE

you’ve never been happier when your phone goes off and tells you it’s your lunch break because you just want to rant to jimin and

“turkey sandwich on whole wheat. lettuce, red onions, avocado, chipotle mayo. the place is called the sandwich station. it’s a block or two down. i’d like a green juice to go with it as well- hold the cucumber. they know my order. you can just tell them it’s for me.”

what the

yoongi literally just materialised out of nowhere

“….i’m sorry?”

yoongi clenches his jaw and you want to CRY

“it’s noon. meaning it’s lunch time. meaning i want my lunch.”

the old boss never made you go out to get a fancy sandwich for him

there’s a canteen here for a reason

they’re serving spinach and potato curry today!!!!!!!! which is your favourite!!!!!! and your lunch breaks are only an hour long and by the time you get back the curry will be gone but maybe you can ask jimin to save you a bite

“is there a problem?”

“no! no sir.” you shake your head quickly and get up from your seat “but, um, just to let you know we do have a canteen here if you ever- okay, yep, i’m going”

jimin’s standing by the lift when you get there and he’s like why did you press the down button the canteen is Up you dummy

and you’re like mr min wants a fancy sandwich and a green juice what kind of sane person likes green juice???

jimin promises he’ll save you a bite of the curry as long as you make it back in time aka fifteen minutes before he inhales it all

you say goodbye to each other in the form of air kisses as you walk into separate lifts

so now you’re sprinting down the sidewalk trying to find this damn sandwich place that isn’t one or two blocks away it’s like TWENTY minutes away according to google maps

you would’ve worn a sports bra today if you’d have known you’d be running

by the time you finally make it there you’re all sweaty and red and you can barely speak

“h..hi, a sandwich and a green juice thing for, um, mr min yoongi??” you look at the notes you scribbled down on your palm even though all the words are smudged from your hand sweat “it’s turkey on whole-“

“for yoongi??? coming right up!!!!” the girl at the counter seems a little too enthusiastic to be making a sandwich and a juice for him….. and she’s on a first name basis with him….

but whatever at least she’s being speedy about it

you check the time on your watch

jimin’s probably already eaten everything

your lunch break ends in half an hour and it’ll take you 20 minutes to head back so that leaves you with like ten minutes

maybe you can get a sandwich from here

you look up at the- oH NO way you are not paying tHAT much for a sandwich

this place is bougie

certainly not for someone with your budget

maybe there’s like a hot dog cart nearby

a hot dog sounds good

“here you go! tell him i said hi. i’m lisa, by the way.” she smiles and you give her a smile back as you take the bag from her

you kind of pause to think and you’re like hMm what do you meAn tell him i said hi,,,,,,

does yoongi have a secret sandwich lover

you don’t have time to think because you are reminded that you are running out of damn time

“thanks for being so fast, lisa. uh, here you go. this should cover it.” you throw the bills that yoongi gave you on the counter before you’re zipping out the door and beginning your little jog back

you feel your phone buzz in your pocket and you already know it’s yoongi wondering where the hell you are

you make it back in tEn minutes thank god but your feet are killing you and you’re sure your blouse is drenched in sweat by now

as you’re walking briskly down the hallway you pick up your pace when you see yoongi standing outside his office and leaning against the frame of the door

“what took you so long??”

“i-“

“there’s no excuse” yoongi snatches the bag from you and shuts the door in your face

you can already hear the chatter of people returning from their lunch breaks

aHHHH

your stomach grumbles and it’s your body’s way of reminding you that HEY quit neglecting M E

maybe you should have splurged on a fancy sandwich

you huff and plop down on your seat

now you’re just hangry and the next person who talks to you will FEEL YOUR FIERY WRATH

“by the way- reschedule my meeting with mr kim to next wednesday. he couldn’t make it today.” yoongi opens his door again and takes a sip of his obnoxious green juice

you spin around in your chair

immediately your lips tug up in a bright smile

“yes sir. i’d love to do that for you.” yoongi looks at you weirdly before he disappears into his room again

wow

where was that fiery wrath

that wrath could barely light up a birthday candle sis

about twenty minutes go by and you actually feel like you’re dying because you’re honestly starving so you decide to text jimin and tell him to sneak some food to you

you technically could just get up and go to the vending machine yourself but yoongi could pop out of his office at any minute and if he sees that you’re not at your desk he’ll definitely have your head

so it’s too risky

to: chimchim - be a pal and bring me a bag of chips or something from the vending machine

jimin jumps when his phone vibrates loudly against his desk and he apologises to his fellow cubicle mates before checking the notification

he can’t help but snort after he reads your message

to: y/n - i’m busy! get it yourself

he’s not surprised that you reply almost immediately

from: y/n - too risky!!!! plus you’re closer to the vending machine

from: y/n - just pretend like you need to print something you can come and use ~my~ personal printer

to: y/n - why would i walk across the floor to use your tiny ass printer

from: y/n - PLEASE i am so hungry i will take care of the laundry this week just get me something to eat before my body starts eating itself

jimin immediately gets up from his seat and heads right to the vending machine

he hates doing the laundry

you want to cry tears of joy when you see jimin’s blonde head bobbing down the hallway from where you’re sitting

“don’t accidentally turn all our white sheets pink agaIN” he teases and he tosses you the bag of chips that you open greedily

he’s munching on an apple himself

he’s always been the healthier one out of the two of you

“how’s the boss?”

you’re immediately triggered

“omg i had to go to this dumb fancy sandwich place and pick up an overpriced turkey club and a green juice for him and then one of the sandwich workers was like obViously wanting me to say hi to mr min for her and i was like ?? what do i look like a messenger pigeon or something” you snort and shove a handful of chips into your mouth unattractively 

“and ALSO he totally got mad at me when i got back because i took too long but it’s not my fault your dumb sandwich place is like a million miles away and another ALSO i’m walking in HEELS-”

“you should invest in a pair of flats, perhaps”

wow

there’s something else to add to your already shitty first impression

you swallow thickly when you realise jimin didn’t say that

you turn around slowly in your chair and you’re met with the intimidating gaze of yoongi

….R U KIDDING

why do bad things happen to good people???

yoongi tosses his trash into the bin sitting by your desk before he’s looking up at a terrified jimin

“is there a reason why you’re here, mr park?”

“…i needed to print something” he swallows his bite of apple and hides it behind his back

“do you not have a printer on your side?”

“it was jammed, sir.” 

“what are you printing?”

jimin blanks and all that comes out of his mouth is

“contra..ct. sir.”

“what contract?”

“this one!! this one” you grab a random sheet of paper of your desk and stand up and shove it into jimin’s chest

“yep, this one! i’ll be on my way, thanks for letting me use your printer y/n!” jimin practically rockets down the hallway to head back to his desk

dang

he barely made it out of there alive

he’s never doing that again

there’s a silence between you and yoongi for a couple seconds as the two of you watch jimin bolt away

you turn around a little to face him with a sheepish smile and you wobble slightly on your heels

“can i trust you to be more responsible and do your work instead of complaining to your friend about your awful boss?”

you open your mouth to reply but you dip your head down in shame

yah

you deserve that one

“sorry, sir” you murmur under your breath and you don’t want to look at yoongi because if you do you’ll definitely burst into tears

and your face is sO hot

you look up when you hear the click of yoongi’s door shutting and you let out a breath before sitting down

okay

time to actually work

you’ll find a way to make it up to yoongi

hopefully

the next morning you make sure to set your alarm like an hour earlier than you usually wake up because this day has to go PERFEctly otherwise you will literally stab your eyeball out with a letter opener

yesterday night you already set up yoongi’s schedule for today so that when he wakes up and checks his calendar he’ll know exactly what’s going on

you even memorised his schedule

he has 2 conference calls in the morning (one starts at 8:30 and the other at 10:15) and 2 meetings in the afternoon (one starts at 1:45 and the other at 4:30)

you just want to prove to him that you’re not a total disaster and you’re capable of handling this job

and you made sure to dress yourself up a little more ~professionally~ although it pained you to leave your skinny jeans aside and slip into a pencil skirt instead

you hATe pencil skirts

they’re so tight and after you eat lunch you always feel like your tummy is going to buSt out

so yes you’re wearing a nice white button up long sleeved shirt tucked into a black pencil skirt along with a pair of shiny black heels that you polished last night

you also spray on some perfume and put a little more effort into your makeup

because,,,,, it’s no secret that min yoongi is an attractive man

ahem

you just want to look more presentable!!!

you texted jimin last night and asked if he wanted to get to work early this morning and he was just like lmao who do u think i am

so you pass by his apartment door and stick a note on the front that just says ‘good morning - see you at work!!’

it’s about a twenty ish minute walk and you’re definitely regretting choosing a pair of stiLETTOs to wear

so you take them off and proceed to walk comfortably to starbucks to get yourself and yoongi a coffee

you’re about to ask for a muffin but then you remember that he doEsn’T liKE muFfInS so you stick with a black coffee for him and a caramel macchiato for yourself

of course you’re hungry so you get a bagel for yourself with extrA cinnamon cream cheese

after you get everything you head on over to the building and greet the security guards good morning and they’re all pretty surprised because you’re never here,, so early

your heels click clacking on the marble floor is the only thing that’s heard as you make your way down the hallway to your desk

you check the time on your watch and you’re satisfied with yourself because you still have about thirty minutes until work starts

and you lean back against your chair and you give yourself a mental high five because uMMM,,, you’re kiLLING it and it’s not even 8am yet

you look around and

wow it’s quiet

you can hear the bustling of the city from outside and it’s oddly very calming

you kind of want to fall asleep

plus that bagel really filled u up and you always get sleepy after a good meal

uh oh

okay

look

maybe you can take like

a five minute nap

you deserve it!

you can re energize yourself and then you’ll be even more efficient today

you rest your head on your folded arms and shut your eyes

yeah

five minutes

“good morning, sir”

“morning, mr min!”

“good morning, sir!!”

click

clack

click

clack

your eyes open and your vision adjusts to youryou shoot up from your desk and wipe the drool off the side of your mouth and stand up from your chair immediately

and you glance down at your laptop and see that you didn't take a five minute snooze you took a FORTY minute snooze

thank god you're a light-ish sleeper otherwise yoongi's shoes echoing down the hallway would definitely not have woken you up and he would’ve caught you sleePING

you look up to see yoongi walking down the hallway looking at his phone

so you quickly fix your hair and straighten yourself up

“good morning sir” you clear your throat to get the raspy sleepiness out of your voice and tuck a strand of hair behind your ear

he walks past you and goes straight into his office and you’re about to sit down but then you remember you have a coFfee for him

so you knock on his door clutching his now lukewarm coffee

“i have a coffee here for you, boss” you walk over to his desk and place the cup on his desk

“one cream one sugar?”

uh oh

this coffee is black

“….i will be… right back” and you pick up the coffee and walk out of his room calmly

once you shut the door behind you you’re immEDIATELy zipping down the hallway to the break room

this coffee isn’t even lukewarm anymore now it’s just cold sad coffee

daMN it

it was stupid to buy a coffee forty minutes beforehand

and you can just make coffee here!!!! you dingus!!!!!

so you dump out the coffee and you see namjoon about to pour himself a cup but you slip over and you’re like namjoon sweetie hi good morning can i take that i am sO sorry

and you take the pot from him and refill yoongi’s cup

he just blinks at you because you hand him back an empty coffee pot

“it’s for the big guy you know how it is” and you reach past him to get the cream and a sugar cube and you plop it in and give it a stir

and you pop the lid back on and you’re like thanks joon i owe you big time!! and honestly you were moving so fast namjoon's not even sure what just happened

so you’re practically sprinting down the hall in stilettos back to yoongi’s office and you spot jimin walking out of the lift as you past by and you manage to say goOD morning buddy!!! but all he sees is like a blur and he rubs his eyes

when you get back to the office you’re panting a little but you calm your breaths as you set the coffee down

“one cream one sugar, boss” and you straighten your blouse and clear your throat

yoongi types something out on his phone and blindly reaches for the coffee cup and you gently nudge it towards his hand

he takes a sip and then looks up from his phone and gets his first glance at you for the day and

yoongi chokES on his coffee and quickly sets it down

holy shit

you don’t even look like the same y/n as yesterday

“oh shoot- do you need a napkin?? i’ll get a napkin hold on” and you shuffle out of the room and yoongi isn’t usually like this but he can’t help but let his eyes flicker down because dAmn you look good in that skirt

he thought you looked cute yesterday with your polka dotted blouse and your jeans but today you look so

sexy

god damn

okay

he needs to chill

you’re his secretary

he’s your boss

even more you’re his KLUtzY secretary who spilled coffee all over his shirt and talked smack about him

“…sir?” he snaps himself out of it and looks up and you’re standing over him holding a napkin

he thanks you quietly and takes it from you and dabs at his mouth

okay woO

keep it professional yoongi

“you've got a conference call in twenty minutes. i put everything in your calendar and it should alert you five minutes beforehand but in case it doesn't i'll come in and remind you. i filed the contracts you asked me to sort out yestreday everything's colour coded and also arrange alphabetically so it should be easier to find next time."

yoongi blinks up at you because... what happened to the y/n he met yesterday

“right. yes. good. okay." yoongi swallows thickly when he sees you suck your bottom lip in between your teeth which seems to be a nervous habit of yours "that's all i need from you then. you can go now."

you nod happily and see yourself out

this is a good start 

things are going to be greAT from here

:-) 

so

it’s been about two weeks since yoongi took over the company

and all you have to say is

you want to jump out the window

you want to jump off the fifty second floor of this building because yoongi is working you like a dog

which is something that you obviously aren’t accustomed to because the most rigorous thing you had to do for your old boss was to walk across the floor and get him a snack from the vending machine

but yoongi doesn’t do vending machine snacks because it’s appArently all trans fats

he mentioned it to you when you were scarfing down a little packet of cookies because of course you didn’t have time to get lunch for yourself because you were getting his stupid fancy sandwich like a million miles away

and you were like :) and threw it away and he nodded satisfactorily and then went into his office

and you bent down and picked the packet back up and threw the rest of the mini cookies into your mouth

he’s your boss not your dad

he can’t control your diet!!

omg

you’re so physically and mentally drained

you feel like a husk

your soul left your body the moment you met yoongi and it hasn’t returned ever since

you usually like being a secretary because you like organising things and colour coding things and going like ‘i’m so sorry- mr min will have to call you back’ and slamming the phone down because it makes you feel ~powerful~

but damn

you wish you had applied for an office job like jimin

he works in human resources

you would probably be really good in like finances or some other section like that

of course jimin isn’t paid as much as you’re paid so there’s that

you do want to continue having a roof over your head and food in your tummy so

you grin and bear it

to make a long story short

you strongly dislike yoongi and you’re pretty sure he hates you

here are some more things that have happened in the last two weeks

yoongi told you to photocopy 50 copies of a contract

of course you said yes and you went ahead to your little copying machine and made 50 copies

and when you went back and handed him the copies he looked at them and blinked and then looked at you and he was like this isn't the contract i asked you to copy

and you were like ?? you hANded me the contract

“this isn't the right contract”

“i-???”

“you were supposed to copy this one” and he hands you a DIFFERENT CONTRACT

so you end up shredding 50 sheets of paper and you make a brand new 50 copies and when you give the new ones to yoongi he’s like what took you so damn long??

and you were like

YOU, YOU BITCH

YOU TOOK ME SO DAMN LONG

you wanted to SCREAM

and another time

yoongi was about to go into a meeting but before that he told you that as soon as mr kim calls for him you should tell yoongi immediately

and your concern was that mr kim would call during the meeting and you would have to interrupt the meeting which is noT what you want to do but before you can voice your concern yoongi's like okay peace out i'm leaving now

and of course because the universe is against you

mr kim called during the meeting

so you knocked on the door and opened it and there are like 15 businesspeople just staring at you blankly and yoongi's staring at you blankly at the front of the desk

“sir, um, mr kim called"

and he nods and waves you away so you shut the door

after the meeting ends yoongi literally goes like

you shouldn't interrupt another meeting like that again

and you said that you only did it because yOOngi said to tell him as SOON as mr kim called

“hm. i don't recall telling you that."

you had your hands balled into fists so tightly that your knuckles were starting to get white but of coURse all you say is

“you're right, sir. it was my bad. it won't happen again."

“it better not."

and aNOTHER THING

LISA

lisa the sandwich girl

it's like she's expecting you to hook her up with yoongi

everytime you go into the shop she hands you yoongi's lunch and is always like :) tell :) yoongi :) i :) said :) hi :) and you’re like :) let :) go :) of :) the :) bag :) i :) need :) to :) leave :)

and because lisa is the last thing you're concerned about you never tell yoongi she says hi but you don't need to because lately she's been writing notes on the paper bag like ‘i was going to write a pun about a sandwich but i was afraid you’d find it stALe’

when you read that you were like ?? what does that mean are you saying the bread you used in his sandwich today is stale

one time you decided you'd splurge so you treated yourself to a sandwich from there made by lisa herself

it was,,, the worst sandwich you've ever had in your entire life

the bread was barely toasted

there was like 3 pounds of mayo in there

she was skimpy on the turkey

she placed the tomatoes on the bottom making the bread all soggy

yoongi must really REALLY want to get into lisa's pants if he can continue eating this shit without gagging

the conclusion here is that you hate lisa’s sandwiches but not as much as you hate yoongi

:) and you’re allowed to say that because you’re only saying it to yourself and it doesn’t count if no one else knows about your feelings :)

“we’re going to have sO much fun tonight it’s literally been a century since we last got to go to a club and get wasted!!!!! i even bought a brand new shirt for the occasion.” jimin grins and takes a sip of his juice and you nod excitedly

“i’m so ready to get shit faced let me tell you mr min honestly wants to make me rip my-“

“miss y/l/n.” both you and jimin turn when you hear your name and you’re surprised to see yoongi standing there

why’s he in the canteen he’s never in the canteen

“mr min, what.. can i help you with?” you clear your throat and turn yourself around a little more to face him

“i need you to stay late tonight to reorganise some files that your old boss kept tucked away in the drawers. it’s frankly a mess in there.” you don’t even get a chance to respond before yoongi takes a bite of an apple and strolls away casually

wait what

he can’t just

okay technically he can do that because he’s your boss but

not tonight!!! 

“mr min i don’t-“ you stand up quickly to chase him and he whips around and raises an eyebrow

“is there something wrong?”

yes there’s something wrong

you have plans tonight!!!!!!!!!

you’re going dancing and you’re going to down shots like there’s no tomorrow and you’re going to wake up tomorrow morning with a hangover like never before so yEs there’s something wrong

“…i don’t know if you wanted me to colour code them or arrange them alphabetically.” you breathe out and you feel your soul leave your body

your first night out in weeks and now you have to stay late and arrange dusty old files

“both.”

“of course, sir.”

“i’ll be here to keep you company you can get ‘shit-faced’ another time.”

you’re pretty sure you’re going to burst into tears when you see jimin and a couple other co-workers seemingly having a bLast at the new club downtown from his snapchat story

you let out a grunt as you get up from your knees

you’ve been organising these damn files for like two hours

yoongi was done with his phone call like half an hour ago and then he said he was going to get some food

your stomach grumbles at the thought of food

you h8 your boss with a burning passion

another twenty minutes pass and you’ve never been so relieved in your life when you finALLY are finished with the files

it only took like 30 years to dust things off and then colour code them and then re label them and then arrange them alphabetically

“good job, y/l/n” you give yourself a pat on the back and then plop down on yoongi’s cushy office chair

wow you feel powerful just sitting here

it only takes a second for you to start spinning the chair in circles because this is literally your only form of entertainment for the night

“if you break my chair it’s coming out of your paycheque.” you stop spinning immediately when yoongi seemingly appears out of nowhere

you’re about to apologise profusely and get up but from the way yoongi tilts his head and offers you the smallest of smirks you know you’re not in trouble

“i wasn’t going to break it.” you grumble and you’re about to get off his chair and let him sit but he sits across from you instead

you’re in the boss’ chair and he’s not

how the tables have turned,,,,,,,,

“here. eat. the only place open at this hour was mcdonald’s.”

“you bought dinner for me?”

yoongi plops a paper bag on the desk and your mouth waters when he pulls out a big mac and an order of large fries

“oh gosh, boss. you didn’t have to go all out for lil ol me” yoongi can’t help but smile before he shakes his head and pulls out a miLKSHAKE

“a vanilla milkshake? i thought you weren’t into sugar.”

“it’s for you. i know how much you love anything that rots your teeth.”

oh

that’s like

oddly sweet

but also kind of insulting

but still sweet in his own way

“i also bought a couple beers if you’re interested you won’t get shit-faced like you wanted to but you’ll get a little buzzed.” he pulls a niNE pack of beers out of the bag and cracks one open for himself

at first the meal is kind of awkward

the two of you are kind of just sitting there in silence eating food and drinking

but yoongi breaks the silence when he sees you dip a french fry into your milkshake

what

the

what the fuk

u so nasty

“that’s disgusting.”

“don’t knock it til you try it!” when yoongi opens his mouth to give you another snarky comment you shove a milkshake dipped fry into his mouth

he chews thoughtfully and then swallows

“what do you think?”

it’s sweet

and it’s salty

at the same time

somehow this disgusting combination works

“it’s… it’s okay, but it’s still disgusting.” yoongi mutters and takes a swig of his beer “here, i can’t finish all of these on my own.” he hands you a can of beer and you crack it open

the two of you spend the next hour eating and drinking

halfway through eating your milkshake became yours and yoongi’s milkshake

yoongi’s really enjoying your french fry hack in case that wasn’t clear

you’re really enjoying this beer it’s surprisingly good quality coming from the corner store

“i’m serious! i turned all the white sheets pink because of one red sock and jimin didn’t talk to me for a whole week because the two of us had to come to work wearing matching pink button-ups.” yoongi throws his head back in laughter and you suppress your own laughter by taking another sip of beer

the alcohol coursing through your veins is making you become a little more talkative than usual

“i have a question for you, boss”

“shoot”

“why do you hate me?” you push your bottom lip out in a pout and yoongi looks up at you in surprise as he wipes his hands off on a napkin

“where did you get that idea?”

“because you-“ hiccup “because you’re always so mean to me! like i know i didn’t have a great first impression but you knOw i’ve already apologised like a triLLion times for what i said and you also know i only say things to be funny but you’Re such a meanie-bobeenie sometimes it makes me wonder what the hell i’m supposed to do to make you-“

“y/n, i don’t hate you. i’m just-“ yoongi pauses to think “i’m just like that.”

why was he so mean to you all the time? he didn’t have a particular reason

maybe it’s like that thing where when kids have crushes on each other they’re mean to their crush instead of

wa,,,,,,aaaaaait a second,,,,,

yoongi has to admit he’s taken an iNKLing of an interest in you since your first meeting but it’s not serious or anything

like yes you’re attractive and you’re his type but,.,.,.,.,. ya you’re just his secretary it’s not a big deal he doesn’t like you like that

right

right???

“it’s, uh, it’s getting late - we should probably head home.” yoongi clears his throat and begins cleaning up the wrappers and napkins and ketchup packets

“thanks for treating me to an extravagant meal tonight, mr min. you really didn’t have to.” the two of you step onto the lift and you hit the ground floor level for yourself and the parking lot level for yoongi

“trust me, i did. i know how upset you were about not getting to go out with mr park and the others… and fast food makes everyone feel better. by the way - it’s after-hours. you can call me yoongi - mr min makes me feel like i’ve aged 50 years.” he nudges you playfully and you’re like i should get yoongi to drink more beers if he acts like this from it

and then ur like o wait that’s call alcoholism so maybe not

“touché.” the elevator dings and you look up “this is me! i’ll see you in the morning then, boss.”

before you get off the lift yoongi stops you

“sorry if i’ve been, um, a little hard on you since i started working here. you’re responsible and you’re hardworking i’m glad to have you as my secretary, y/n, even if i don’t show it sometimes. i promise i’ll try to be less of a… as you said, a meanie-bobeenie.”

that was,, unexpected

but aw!!!!

that’s nice of him to say

your lips tug up in a bright smile

“i’ll see you in the morning… yoongi.”you step out of the lift and you wave at yoongi as the doors shut

waking up in the morning for work feels a lot better now that you know yoongi doesn’t actually hate you

although your slight hangover doesn’t feel that great

you keep your sunglasses on when you walk into the office with yoongi’s coffee

and when you knock on his door and enter his office to see him also wearing his sunglasses you can’t help but laugh

“you’re having black coffee today, it’ll wake you up.”

“please tell me i don’t have any meetings today because i feel like death.” yoongi’s voice is all low and raspy and in ur head you’re like [h o ly shit that’s hot]

“i hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you have two. your first one is in ten minutes. and i suggest taking your sunglasses off before you head in there.”

yoongi groans and slams his head down on his desk

the next couple of weeks go by pretty smoothly

aside from like one or two-ish slip ups

“y/n?”

“yes, sir?” you’re about to leave his office after giving him his morning coffee

you were almost late but after you took your heels off in the middle of the street and sprinted back to the office you made it right on time

the downside of getting there on timE is the fact that in your rush you literally forgot to pick up yoongi’s cup of coffee that was SITTING ON THE COUNTER neXT to youRS YOU IDIOT

luckily you picked up a little trick

in case something like this happened, you always bought two cups of the same coffee

like if you spill one cup it’s fine because you still have the other

but in this case you only have one cup

and this is your cup

and it says ‘call me sometime :-) -jungkook’

jungkook is the cute new barista that started working at your starbucks like three weeks ago?? he usually has the morning shift

and yeah you’ve been having fun like,,, flirting with him

because he’s an attractive guy

chestnut brown hair

cute round eyes

adorable smile

and he’s very very verY charming

so SUE you if you’re having a good time!!!! (although you’re like low key leading him on so you better cut it out soon)

but it seems that today was the day that jungkook decided he’d finally make a move

because when yoongi turns his coffee cup and points to the note

you’re like ….:) shit :)

“who is jungkook, and why does he want me to call him?”

“…business proposal?”

“and his form of communication is via paper coffee cups?”

“kids are getting super creative nowadays, boss”

“mm, okay.” yoongi takes a sip of his coffee and lets out a small sigh “you sure this wasn’t your cup?”

“nope. i need at least like five pounds of sugar and creamer in my coffee.” you laugh awkwardly and back up towards to the door “i wouldn’t get the same cup of coffee as you in case… something happened… oH is that my phone ringing pardon me!!” and you slam the door and plop down on your seat and let out a breath

yoongi smiles to himself and shakes his head

but he’s definitely going to need to call this jungkook and tell him to back off

yoongi’s definitely warming up to you

after one of his meetings he passed by your desk and placed a pack of those mini chocolate chip cookies from the vending machine in front of you and you were like gASP a GIFT

“what’s this for??”

“for actually getting to work on time two weeks in a row. keep it up and i might just treat you to a chocolate bar, too.”

one day as you’re coming back from your lunch break you see yoongi at your desk huffing and grumbling to himself

“mr min?” he looks up at you and then looks back down “what are you-“

“i’m trying to photocopy this contract but your stupid printer won’t-“ he pauses to smack the side of it and you gasp in shock because he just whacked your bABY “won’t work!! i think we need to get you a new one.” he scowls and scratches the top of his head

you roll your eyes before gesturing for him to scoot and then bending down to check out how much damage he’s done (somehow he created a small paper jam)

“it’s my printer and it only responds to my magic touch.” you punch a couple buttons on the thing and it sputters for a second before a fresh photocopy comes out the slit “here you go, boss!” you hand yoongi the sheet and he’s like i could’ve done it myself ur printer is just weird and you’re like mMMmm

you sit down on your seat and yoongi’s about to head into his office before

“by the way - i’m going on a date tonight, with lisa. can you jot that down in my schedule? the dinner reservation is at 6.”

“date with lisa at 6” you reply almost immediately and begin typing it out onto his schedule

wait

what

he’s going out on a date?

your heart immediately drops to your stomach

all you typed in was date with lis and you’re getting up and stumbling into his office

you wrap your fingers around the frame of the door and peek in

“boss?”

“mhm” he doesn’t look up at you and you swallow nervously

“what,,, what do u mean you’re going out on a date”

yoongi looks up at you and is like ?

“it’s pretty self explanatory… have you never been on one?”

your cheeks flame up and you’re like “of couRSE i’ve been on one i just-“ you stop yourself and press your lips together because what exactly are you going to say to yoongi

oH i just thought maybe i had a shot with you because we’ve been spending so much time together lately and we’ve gotten preTTy close and i think nO i'm pretty sure i have a teensy weensy crush on you sir but enjoy your date!!!!!

you scratch the back of your neck awkwardly and feel your cheeks flame up at the fact that you…. definitely have feelings for ur boss

but he has feelings for someone else

ouch

“i just… wanted to remind you that you have a skype conference at 10 tonight. i, um, i’ll be working late so if you need help during the conference you know where to find me and stuff. uh, yeah. that’s it.”

“okay. what time is it?”

you peer down at your watch

“5:20. you should probably get going in the next 20 minutes so you won’t lose your reservation”

“mm.”

there’s a moment of silence and you take that as a hint to leave

“y/n, wait.” yoongi lets out a breath and he stops sorting through the papers on his desk

you spin around on your heels and you’re like yes???

“if i’m not back by 9:30 give me a call to remind me about the meeting.”

“yes, sir.” you sigh and shut the door

yoongi frowns once you leave

it'll be fine

he's going to have a great time with lisa

yeah

your chair squeaks under you as you plop down on it and lean back and look up at the ceiling

wow

well

you feel pathetic

what were you thinking?

of course he’s not interested in you

he thinks you’re just a klutzy idiot of a secretary

you thought something had changed between the two of you considering you’d been spending sO much damn time together and honestly speaking you had completely forgotten about lisa

were you really that crazy to think that mAybe there was ~something~ romantic going on between the two of you?

why did you have to be such a hopeless romantic

you definitely need to cut back on the romcom binge-watching sessions with jimin

and now your fukicgn eyes are starting to tear up

great

just gREAT

stop!!!!

no crying at work!!!!!!!!!!! you are a grown woman!! get it together for the love of god

you squeeze your eyes shut and curse to yourself when you feel a hot tear rolling down the side of your face and you use the sleeve of your blouse to dab it away

if yoongi comes out and sees you crying that’d be humiliating

just cry at home like a normal person

you calm yourself and distract yourself by scrolling through and organising your emails

soon enough yoongi’s door opens and he steps out and woW

he looks so dreamy

he fixed his hair and you’re pretty sure he changed into another shirt because this one has no wrinkles

yoongi adjusts his cufflinks before patting himself down to check for his phone and wallet

and before you can help yourself

“you look handsome, mr min.” you immediately look away when yoongi turns to look at you and you’re like hMMm let me take a look at this sticky note that only has a smiley face doodled on it

a small smile tugs at yoongi’s lips when he sees your cheeks warm a little

god u r so ADOrable

no

no! he scolds himself and reminds himself that dating someone you work with never ends well

he has to get over this stupid little crush of his and lisa is the perfect distraction

maybe he’ll end up really reaLLy liking lisa and then he won’t have to worry about you anymore

yep

that’s a good plan

“buy yourself some dinner. i’ll see you later.” yoongi tosses a couple crumpled up bills onto the counter and then he gestures to the hallway and then he’s off

you watch wistfully as he makes his way down the hallway

lisa’s one lucky girl

the next couple of hours really give you some alone time to reflect on what’s happening

let’s see

you like yoongi

a loT more than you thought you did

and he doesn’t feel the same way

nothing ever works out for you in the world of ~romance~

even in high school and college

no one was ever interested in u

and when you thought someone was interested they were actually just being nice to you

of course after you graduated things were a little different

you used tinder and ended up losing your virginity to this guy you’d texted for like a month

he came after like two strokes and then kicked you out of his place and that’s the most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you

great

you’re going to die alone

you groan and pinch the bridge of your nose in frustration

save the tears for home save the tears for home

you’re rarely at the office alone at night

usually there are other people on the level but tonight it’s just you

you would be creeped out but you’re too busy pitying yourself to be scared of any ghosts or demons potentially haunting the building

you finished work earlier than you thought you would and you were tempted to leave because you have nothing else to do but you told yoongi you’d be here

maybe he’ll give you a small raise for being such a loyal secretary

you just finished your dinner (fish tacos and french fries from the food truck across the street) and you’re just aimlessly scrolling through your facebook feed

it’s about 8:15 when you hear the faint ding of the elevator and you perk up

and then you hear yoongi

you recognise the sound of his walk

why did he come back so soon his meeting isn’t for like another hour and a bit

you get up from your chair and straighten yourself out and look up as yoongi approaches your desk

“back so soon?? it’s only- oh my goD” yoongi’s grumbling to himself while dabbing at his shirt that has a huge splatter of wine on it

yikEs

no wonder he’s back

it’s fine you’ll get him another shirt and he’ll head back to the restaurant

how did he pour sO much wine on himself

“i’ll get you another shirt, boss”

you immediately go into his office and grab a crisp shirt for him from his little closet

you walk out and

oh sweet baby jesus

you squeak and instinctively cover your eyes as your cheeks flush because

yoongi is shirtless

“sorry, i just wanted to get as much of it out as possible” yoongi’s not looking at you but that’s good because now you’re basically gawking at him

he has his shirt on your desk and is rubbing pretty hard at the purple stain

he’s kind of bent over and you can see his bicep flex every time he wipes

and o hl o r d

his back muscles,,,,,,,,,,,

“are you, um, is lisa waiting for you at the restaurant? did you just come back to change?”

yoongi pauses

“she went home. the date didn’t work out. there was no spark. the meeting is more important anyways” he grumbles before getting up and looking down at the shirt

“what- you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to but what… happened on the date?”

yoongi sighs as he slips into his shirt and you’re about to apologise because it’s really none of your business but then he speaks up

“i don’t wanna get too into it, but the gist of it is that she kinda just wanted me for my money and then when i accused her of that she threw her wine all over me” he shrugs as if that’s the most casual thing to happen ever

oh dang

that’s rough

that sucks!!!! lisa sucks!!!!! what sane person would be perfectly fine taking advantage of someone like that??

(you hated lisa the moment you met her)

“oh… i’m sorry, that sucks” is all you can manage because you’ve never been good with comforting people “if it… makes you feel any better i think her sandwiches are put together pretty sloppily i mean i could probably make better sandwiches with my feet”

that gets a laugh out of yoongi and he shakes his head

“yeaH i’m definitely going to take a break from sandwiches for a while”

he buttons his shirt up and fixes the collar before he moves past you and into his office

meanwhile you fold up his stained shirt and tuck it into your purse so that you can drop it off at the dry cleaners tomorrow

you figure you’d give yoongi a little alone time

you want to comfort him but you don’t know how

so you distract yourself by making a cup of coffee since it’s already pretty late

“you want a cup of coffee? i made extra” you poke your head into yoongi’s office and raise your brow when you see he’s not sitting at his desk

“i could use some caffeine.” yoongi’s standing at his closet and is currently trying to tie his tie but his fingers are not cooperating with him and he’s clearly struggling

you’re about to go and get his coffee but then you hear him mumbling about how dumb ties are and you can’t help it you need to help him out

“here, let me,” you click over to yoongi and slip in between him and the mirror before reaching up to fix his tie

he stares down at you as you wrap the blade around the tail of the tie and a fond smile twitches at his lips

there’s something different about you but he can’t point out what it is

your brows are knitted together in intense concentration and

wow you’re cute

“once around…” you mumble to yourself and pause, tilting your head in confusion

that doesn’t look right

“oh, wait. twice! twice around, sorry” you adjust the tie slightly and make sure it’s not so tight so that’s it’s cutting off his breathing lol

“twice around…” yoongi breathes out and his head lowers a little when you yank on the tie gently to tighten it

your eyes flicker up and your cheeks immediately flush when you realise how close you are to yoongi right now

you’re basically pressed up against the mirror and you’d only have to take like half a step closer and your nose would be touching his

you don’t know what it is but you find yourself tugging on his tie and pulling him down so that you can press your lips against his

yoongi’s eyes widen in surprise but his lips are moving on their own accord

and for the first time evER

yoongi’s heart flutters in his chest

he’s never felt this way before

not even with lisa

your lips are so unbelievably soft

yoongi can taste the strawberry chapstick that he sees you apply all the time and he can’t help but suck your bottom lip in between his teeth

and when you let out a little moan of his name his hands itch to pull you closer because god daMn…

and then it hits you

you’re kissing yoongi

you’re kissing your boss

you’re not just kissing him you guys are fully making out

RED ALERT

what the hELL R U DOING

you immediately pull away and you are just,,, mortified

just because u haven’t gotten laid in like idk 8 months doesn’t mean you can go around KISSING anyone you like

get your hormones in check girl!!!!!!

this is not the way to comfort someone!!!!!!!

“oh shit- that wasn’t- i’m so sorry, i, uh- i don’t know why i did that but-“ yoongi’s about to speak up to calm you down and tell you it’s okay but then the skype ringtone echoes from his desk and the two of you are reminded that he has a very important conference call “okay, i’ll be out there, um, have fun??” you bolt out of the room and shut the door behind you and uGHHHH

for about forty minutes you’re just stewing in your own humiliation as yoongi takes his call

meanwhile yoongi can barely focus on what he’s talking about because all he can think about are your lips and how sweet you taste

you realise you’ve spent the last ten minutes just staring at a blank word document because all you can think about it WHY DID I DO THAT

you hear yoongi saying goodbye to whoever he’s talking to and you slap your face gently a couple times to snap out of it

maybe you can just act casual about it

haha yeah bro we just kissed but it’s fine it’s totally normal i kiss jimiN all the time

okay that’s not a very good approach to the situation

you don’t get a chance to come up with another brilliant solution because yoongi’s office door opens and he steps out before switching the lights off and tucking his phone and wallet into his back pocket

“c’mon, i’ll drive you home”

wha,,,, you don’t think you can survive a car ride home with yoongi because you’re still mortified about what happened

and he’s not bringing it up either so maybe he just wants to forget about it too

“oh, no, it’s alright! i can take the bus home”

“it’s a little past midnight it’s not safe. don’t be stubborn.”

“i’m not being stubborn! seriously, it’s fine” you wave him off before pointing to your laptop “i have some work to do anyway”

yoongi bends down to look at your screen and raises an eyebrow

“this is an empty word document.” he stands back up and looks down at you before nodding his head over to the hallway “pack up your stuff that’s an order.” he switches your desk lamp off for you before he’s walking towards the elevators and well you don’t have a choice now so

you shove everything into your bag and grab your cardigan off the back of your chair before quickly jogging over to the lift

the two of you step in and you’re standing so close that your arms are pressed together

but neither of you seem to be moving away

interesting

the two of you stare up at the little screen showing the descending floor numbers

“i’m perfectly capable of taking myself home”

“i’m aware”

“so i’ll just take the bus then?”

“nope”

“mr min “

“yoongi. it’s after hours. you can call me yoongi, y/n.”

((his name is cute to you for some reason))

“yoOngi. i don’t want to inconvenience you, sir. my place is like a twenty-minute drive away and your penthouse is like five minutes “

“it’s not an inconvenience. come.” you figure there’s no use trying to argue with yoongi

he pretty much always gets his way no matter what

maybe that’s why he’s so rich

you trail behind him and he unlocks his car (it’s a sleek black range rover!!!!!!!!!) and he gets into the driver’s seat while you slip into the passenger seat

“are you sure about this, yoongi? i feel bad because you’ve already had a bad night like don’t feel obligated to drive me home because i helped you tie your-“

“i’m literally not even listening to you right now” the engine purrs to life and yoongi pulls out of his spot

he has his sleeves rolled up and his tie is loosened and his hair is kind of messy probably from him running his hand through it (a nervous habit you’ve noticed he has)

…..god he looks sexy

it’s also pretty late and his voice has gotten slightly raspy and is like an octave lower

your mind wanders and you find yourself wondering what he’d sound like while

omg get urself together

you’re tempted to just not say anything for the entire duration of the ride and just let the radio do the talking but

“…so you really don’t know how to tie your own tie?” yoongi smiles at your question as he keeps his eyes on the road

“it’s too much effort, tying a tie. that’s why most of mine are those clip-on ones” he admits and your mouth drops because LoL you have this professional ceo who terrifies everyone and he uses lil clip-on ties like a little boy

“clip-on ties??? omG that’s so adorable you’re so cute” you blurt out as you laugh at him and yoongi glances over at you for a second before he shakes his head and laughs along

the rest of the ride to your place consists of you sharing funny stories and yoongi mostly listening and focusing on driving but he laughs a lot and you feel good because you think you’re making him feel better about the she who shall not be named situation

((lisa doesn’t deserve him anyways))

lisa is the last thing on yoongi’s mind because of you

:-))

he never really liked those sandwiches anywho

you feel kinda sad when he rolls up to the front of your building because you guys were having such a nice time

like you’ve literally never been so casual with yoongi before

you like spending time with him

…you like him.

that was probably pretty obvious considering you kissed him

he hasn’t brought it up,,,,,, which is kind of concerning but

knowing yoongi he’s acting professional about it

“thanks for the ride, yoongs.” the nickname slips out accidentally and you look up to make sure he’s not like disgUSted with the new nickname you’ve given him

“c’mon, i’ll walk you to the door”

he gets out of the car before you can protest

you hop out and shut the door behind you and he locks the car

“thanks for everything, by the way. i enjoyed your company tonight.” yoongi murmurs and in the dim streetlights you can see his cheeks go a little pink

“i know. i’m amazing company, what can i say?” you joke and yoongi rolls his eyes because of coUrse you would say something like that “i hope i made you feel a little better.”

“you did” the two of you stop in front of the entrance and you turn to face each other

“good! that’s good. well,,,,goodnight, boss” you’re about to zip right into the building but you’re stopped by yoongi tugging on your wrist causing you to spin around and all of a sudden you feel yoongi press the ~softest~ kiss to your cheek

aaAHHHHHHHHHHHH

“goodnight, y/n.” yoongi smiles kindly at you and you beam at him with pink cheeks before you nod and go inside

you can feel his gaze on you as you wait for the lift and you’re bouncing on your toes for some reason

you feel super jittery and you want to scream so loudly but it’s like 2am lol

the next morning you have a pep in your step and jimin’s like omg slow down i know you’re happy about the whole yoongi thing but i have short legs!!!!!!

your arm is linked with his and you’re basically dragging him down the street so you slow down and you’re like sorry i’m just,,,,, really happy,,,,,

jimin lets you get away with it because he knows you haven’t gotten some romantic action in a while

and suddenly your happiness is replaced by nervousness the moment you see yoongi

jimin yelps when you duck behind the corner and yank him with you

you listen for the ‘ding’ and you peek out from behind the corner to make sure the elevator doors have closed

“what was that????”

“i….,.,, i don’t know!!!” you snap and walk over to the lifts and push the up button quickly

“i thought you and yoongi had a greAT time yesterday so why’d you basically piss yourself when “

“i don’T KNOW STOP YELLING AT ME”

jimin takes that as a hint to stop and the elevator ride up is silent

you’re so flustered you forget to blow jimin an air kiss and he’s like okay now i look like boo boo the fOOL blowing a kiss to nobody

you plop down on your chair and put your purse under your desk and let out a breath

okay

whatever that panic attack was

it can’t happen again

how are you supposed to act around yoongi now??

you kissed him

he kissed your cheek

you guys had a great time

should you act more casual around him???

maybe you should ask him if he wants to go out for lunch

or is that too much too soon

oh god

“good morning, miss y/l/n.” you jump when yoongi walks past you and into his office

“good- hi, good morning boss!!!” you say a little too enthusiastically and you clear your throat

you stand up and clutch your iPad to your chest and waddle into his office

you curse to yourself and lean down to adjust your heels

“you surprisingly don’t have any meetings today but you do have to look over the rewritten company policies after that- um, incident that happened on the 45th floor and the financial precinct”

“okay. what’s for lunch today?”

“what’s for-“ oh no you weren’t prepared for this what’S THE PLAN Y/N WHAT’S THE PLAN “lunch is… with me. you’re having lunch with me.” is what you blurt out and you press your lips together when yoongi looks up from his phone and gives you this…. look  

“unless you… unless you want a… sandwich or something i “

“where are we eating lunch?”

oh okay he wants to eat lunch with you that’s a good sign

“i’ll get some takeout for us? there’s a really good sushi place a couple blocks “

“okay. you can use my card. i like the spicy tuna rolls with those crunchy bits sprinkled on top.”

“okay! okay okay that’s- yes, those ones are nice. how does lunch at 12:30 sound?”

“mm.” yoongi scribbles something on a post-it note and you take that as a hint to get the heck out

you shut the door behind you

okay

so is yesterday just going to be an unspoken thing

fine

you can do that

whatever

keeping it casual

you can keep it casual

you’re as cool as a cucumber

you’re as cool as the sunglasses guy emoji

B-)

coolcoolcoolcoolcool

jimin pouts a little when you tell him you’re not joining him for lunch but when you say you have a lil sushi date with yoongi he’s like……. hmmmmmmm okay i’ll get over it :-))))))))

the sushi place is a couple blocks away

and to get there you have to pass by the sandwich place which isn’t a big deal

and when you get there you’re about to just keep walking because who cares about sandwiches anymore but

well you can’t help yourself

:-)

you walk in and lisa looks surprised to see you

“lisa.” you smile at her and then look down at the display case

“y/n! i, um, hi. hey. what can i get for you?” she scratches the back of her neck and can’t seem to keep eye contact with you

in fact she seems to be a little scared

now you know how yoongi feels

being powerful…… makes you feel niCe

“i’m in the mood for… a nice, hot cup of tea.” lisa nods quickly and punches a couple buttons on the cash register

“english breakfast or green?”

“english breakfast, please.” you hum and rummage through your purse for your wallet and hand her a couple of coins and then you go over and wait for it on the side

but you’re not just here to get a cup of tea

oh nonoOonononono

“y/n, here’s your tea!” lisa chirps happily and hands you your cup of tea with a smile

“thank you,” you take a tiny sip and then purse your lips and lisa’s like !!! what’s wrong??

“oof, i hate to do this.” you sigh and shake your head “but could you add a little more cream and a sprinkle of go fuck yourself?”

“sure i’ll just-wait w-what?” lisa looks up at you with wide eyes and you stare blankly at her

“…a little more cream and sugar?”

you hand her your cup and she nods quickly and adds in a splash of cream and even stirs it for you the polite little thing

“h-here you go, y/n”

“thanks lisa.” you begin walking away but you turn back to look over your shoulder “have a wonderful, gold-digging day!”

lisa grows pale

you dump the tea into the bin the moment you leave the sandwich place and head straight for the sushi place

you give yourself a high five for avenging yoongi in your own twisted way

“i’m bAck and i’m ready to eaT” you shut the door behind you as you enter yoongi’s office and frown when you see him typing an obviously angry email

now the past y/n would’ve immediately excused herself and then leave the room but for some reason you feel like,,,, you’re the one holding the power

maybe you’re still on a high from your encounter with lisa

so instead of being like oH i’ll just come back in a sec you stroll over and shut yoongi’s laptop and then hand him a pair of chopsticks

“i was in the middle of something.” his eyebrows knit together and he’s about to open up his laptop but you use the chopsticks to gently whack his hand and he flinches

“i’m aware” you wave the chopsticks in front of yoongi and he sighs and takes it “but the only thing you had today was half a cup of coffee. so we’re going to eat and then maYbe i’ll let you get back to work”

you take a seat and proceed to take the takeaway containers out of the flimsy plastic bag and yoongi’s just sitting there like since when did you become so,,,,, bold

“a spicy tuna roll with the crunchy tempura bits on top for you and a dragon roll for meEE” yoongi perks up when you pop open the lid of your styrofoam box

damn

your roll looks rly good

he looks down at his own spicy tuna roll

sure he likes spicy tuna but he’s not in the mood for raw fish today

hm

“what’s in your roll?” yoongi raises an eyebrow when he sees that you’ve already shoved a roll into your mouth

the way your cheeks are filled resembles a chipmunk and he waits patiently for you to chew and swallow

“nice to see that you’ve got the eating abilities of a three-year-old toddler”

you roll your eyes and ignore his comment

“it’s tempura shrimp and cucumber on the inside and then avocado on top with a drizzle of spicy mayo i think” you pick up a sliver of ginger and pop it into your mouth and chew thoughtfully

meanwhile yoongi takes half a bite of one of his rolls and decides he’s over it

it’s good but it’s not tempura shrimp and cucumber with avocado on top and a drizzle of spicy mayo

“you forgot to shut the door.” yoongi uses his chopsticks to point over your shoulder and you immediately turn around and get up

didn’t you shut the door when you came in??

once your back is turned yoongi reaches over and snags one of your rolls before shoving it into his mouth

holy shit

this is SO GOOD

when you walk over the door… is closed

“the door wasn’t open” you walk back over and take a seat

yoongi swallows his bite and shrugs “sorry, my bad.”

okay he was originally just going to eat one and be done with it but he wants another one

“is that your phone ringing outside?” yoongi stops eating and leans forward a little bit as if listening to something

you turn back again and look at the door and try to hear for your ringtone

“i don’t hear anything”

“you don’t??” yoongi grabs another roll from your box and shoves it into his mouth

“do you think i’m going deaf or something because i seriously can’t hear a thing” you turn back just in time to see yoongi shoving one of yOUR rolls into his mouth

“did you just-“ yoongi wipes a dot of mayo off from the corner of his mouth and then swallows

you look down at your roll and count in your head

you only ate 1

but 3 of them are missing

omg

you look up at yoongi slowly and he takes a sip of water

“…yOU!!! you THIEF!!!! that’s not fair now you have to give me two of yours so we’re even” you reach over with your chopsticks and gawk at yoongi when he blocks your chopsticks with his own

“you don’t have any proof”

“i saw you with my own eyes yoONGI”

next thing you know the two of you are fighting with your chopsticks and using them like swords

it’s when a droplet of soy sauce almost stains yoongi’s dress shirt that he stops whacking his chopsticks with yours and holds a hand out to stop you

“tell you what-“ he leans forward as if negotiating some sort of business deal “you give me your dragon roll.” and then he doesn’t say anything else

“…and???”

“that’s it. you just give me your dragon roll.” the playful glint in yoongi’s eyes tells you he’s just kidding but you can’t help but scowl at him anyways

“you’re a lousy negotiator how the hell’d you become a ceo??” you end up sacrificing your dragon roll and yoongi gives you his spicy tuna roll which honestly is also pretty good

at the end it’s worth it to see yoongi humming happily as he chews thoughtfully

he’s so cute uWu

yoongi, to put it bluntly

is completely and utterly fucked 

he like

kind of wants to bring up what happened between you two

but he also doesn’t know how

because he’s never been in thiS kind of situation before

so the kiss is kind of just a thing that’s been hanging in the air but the two of you act like nothing happened

uGh

all this relationship drama makes him feel like he’s in high school again

he just!!!!!!! wants to do something!!!!!!!! but he doesn’t know what to do!!!!!!!!

so when yoongi gets an email about the yearly company gala

a lightbulb appears above his head

“y/n i need you in my office” yoongi walks past your desk and into his office and you quickly spoon the rest of your rice into your mouth before wiping your mouth with the back of your hand and going in

“what’s up? um, i mean- what can i help you with?” you clear your throat and lick over your teeth in case there’s any food stuck in between your teeth

yoongi sits down and leans back against his chair while keeping his eyes on you

“you’re coming with me to the gala tomorrow night”

oh what

you squint your eyes slightly and wait for him to be like lolz just kidding get back to work

but he never does that

you’ve never been to a company gala before

your old boss had a wife so it’s not like he had to ask you to accompany him

“you- me? you want me to come with you to the “

“we’ll leave after work tomorrow, so make sure you bring something nice to change into.” yoongi’s flipping through some papers on his desk and he reaches up to lick his finger before swiping to the next page

“sir, you don’t think it’s a little bit-“ your phone rings outside and you turn to look at the door before looking back at yoongi “-it’s a little bit weird for you to be showing up with your secreta-“

“go and pick up the phone. might be an important call.”

okay well

apparently you’re going to a gala now

tomorrow comes a lot sooner than you thought it would because the next thing you know work is over and you’re changing in the disabled washroom with jimin as your lovely assistant

“c’mon, suck it in” jimin grits his teeth as he tugs at the zipper of your dress “i told you to go for that blue one”

it’s a little black dress

off the shoulder

sweetheart neckline

it ends a little above your knees

“but i’ve never worn this dress before and i wanted to take it out for a spin!!” you wiggle your hips to try and help jimin and he lets out a breath of relief when he finally gets the zipper to zip up in one smooth movement

now you know why you’ve never worn this dress before

it’s so damn tiGHt

well honestly it’s not that bad but it’s just,, tighter than things you usually wear

at least your boobs look perkier

“if you bend down, this thing is going to bust open” jimin snorts and bends down to help you into your heels and he scowls when you put your hand on top of his head to keep yourself from toppling over

“how does it look?”

“it looks good, you look sexy” and sure you’re just friends with jimin but that comment gets your cheeks to flush a little bit and you can’t help but bite back with a “keep it in your pants, park” and he raises his hands in defence

“alright, you go and enjoy yourself at a fancy ball while i go home and pig out in front of the TV” jimin sighs dramatically and you laugh but give him a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving the washroom

you keep your eyes down as you click past the cubicles because you can feel everyone just staring at you and you hear jimin go like “i know her ass looks good but keep talking about her like that and i’ll knock u out” in the distance

you knock on the door to yoongi’s office and let yourself in and

wOOF

you see yoongi wear suits everyday but for some reason tonight he looks ten times more expensive

his hair is styled to perfection

his lips look extra pouty and when he licks over his bottom lip and moistens it you audibly swallow

there isn’t even one wrinkle on his shirt

not only does he look sexy he also smELLS sexy

the entire room just smells like yoongi

he’s on the phone and is scribbling something down so he doesn’t notice you yet

“yes, i hope to hear from you soon.” he has his phone sandwiched in between his shoulder and his ear as he adjusts his cufflinks and woW you are totally heart eyes emoji right now “take care.” he hangs up and gets up from his seat while looking for his keys “ready to go?”

“yep! let’s get a move on because i don’t know how long my feet are going to last in these heels”

yoongi’s hand stops searching and his eyes flicker to your heels and then his eyes slowly trail up your legs and the rest of your body

holy

sh…it

“you clean up nicely” is all he can say because words cannot describe,,, how sexy you look to him right now

okay calm down yoongi find ur keys don’t gawk at ur secretary

he finds his keys and tucks them into his back pocket but then he’s like oH hold on before i forget come here

and he rummages through his bag and pulls out a velvet box from fuckign cartier

“this is for you. for tonight.” he opens it and your eyes nearly pop out of their sockets at the sight of this gorgeous diamond necklace and you don’t even get a chance to protest before yoongi’s taking it out and moving behind you to help you clasp it on

you reach up and pinch the diamond charm between your fingers and then you turn to look at him over your shoulder and you’re like yoongi i can’t just accept a diamond necklace from u

“fine i’ll take it out of your paycheque”

“yOONgI”

“i’m kidding i’m kidding c’mon let’s go”

the car ride there consists of you humming and bopping along to whatever song is playing on the radio

yoongi calls you out on not knowing the lyrics and you’re like u know whAt i could just leave you at this gala thing and go home

“then i’ll fire you”

“you’re mean”

“i’ve been called worse.”

“by who??”

“by yoU”

lolz

when you guys get to the gala

all you can say is woW because WOW

you’re parked across the street from this huGe mansion that literally looks like the white house

“a bug is going to fly into your mouth if you keep gawking like that” yoongi places a hand on the small of your back and walks you across the street and you feel all tingLy

“are you kidding me yoongi do you sEE this place it’s HUGE”

“there are like 1000 people here of course it’s huge”

welp

that just adds to your anxiety

you clutch your purse tightly when you see some very veRy fancy looking people walk past you and into the building

you really don’t belong here

and it seems like yoongi can read your mind

“don’t worry, y/n. i’ll be glued to your side all night.”

“and why is that?”

“so i can make sure you don’t accidentally knock something expensive over.” the two of you make your way up the stairs and your feet are already beginning to throb from your stilettos

“you know what i’m not thAt clumsy” right as you finish saying that you stumble a little over your heels and yoongi’s grip around your waist immediately tightens

“…you were saying?”

you clear your throat and grab his arm and drag him into the building

this is…. this interior looks like it was ripped straight out of some kind of fairytale

huge glass chandeliers

marble columns

waiters and waitresses evErywhere

their uniforms look more expensive than your entire existence

and then you spot it

the f o o d table

“oh my god i see tiny baby sandwiches” you gasp and immediately head for the sandwiches and but yoongi grabs your wrist and tugs you backwards “whAt are you doing i’m so hungry i’m going to eat like 100 of those let me gO- “

“mr min! it’s so nice to see you!” you shut up immediately when the two of you are approached by an older looking couple and you put on your polite smile

“mr lee. it’s nice to see you again.” yoongi gives him a firm handshake and then turns to his wife “mrs lee- looking lovely, as per usual.”

“still charming, i see!” and you’re tempted to be like lol yooNgi??? charming??? wheRE

“and who’s this lovely lady?” the man smiles at you and you’re like whoops time to introduce myself

“oh, i’m y/n! i’m mr min’s secreta-“

“date. she’s my date.” yoongi wraps an arm around your waist and draws you in nice and close and you’re like ! ? ! ?

y/n.exe has stopped working

okay okay coolcoolcool keep it casual nice and casual

anyways you shake the guy's hand and you shake his wife’s hand too and offer her a smile

“gorgeous necklace! who gave it to you?”

well

time to keep it casual

“yoongi did!” you pat his chest gently “he knows i have expensive taste even though i’m only worth like 50 cents and a pack of instant ramen.” everyone laughs and yoongi laughs along too but he’s not really focused because he’s just so,,, entranced by you

you’re so unbelievably charming and witty

and god you look good tonight

you look like a million bucks even though you told him you got your dress for 70% off the original price

“could you excuse us for a second? i need some alcohol in my system otherwise i don’t know if i’ll be able to survive tonight.” you excuse yourself and yoongi from the couple and link your arm with his and now he’s like ! ? ! ?

“buddy system, yoongi. you can’t lose me in this crowd otherwise you’ll have to find a new secretary.”

“i don’t see the problem with that.” he earns a slap on the arm for that comment and he can’t help but smile at the way you scowl at him

you hand yoongi a flute of champagne and pick one up for yourself and the two of you clink glasses before taking a sip

ahHhHHHH

this shit tastes frickin expensive

it’s like liquid gold

you’d drink the whole bottle if alcohol poisoning wasn’t a thing

“you should take me to more of these things” you hum and take another sip before wiping off a bit of your lip gloss staining the rim of the glass

“and why is that?”

“not only am i greAt at charming people i also happen to really really like champagne” you tsk and yoongi laughs lightly

“charming people? ah, yes. as proven by what you said when we first met.” 

“okay but if you weren’T min yoongi and you were some other person you totally would’ve thought what i said was charming”

“touché.”

the two of you spend the next half an hour just talking to each other

you’re having such a good time

yoongi’s a great person to talk to and with every passing minute you find your fondness of him growing and growing

you

are

so

whiPPEd

and with alcohol running through your veins you feel,,, a tad more confident

the buzz makes you feel giDDY

so you reach over and fix a strand of yoongi’s hair “i didn’t know this was a date, by the way.”

yoongi’s not surprised that you’re touchy when you’re tipsy

“what are you talking about?”

“i thought i was here as your secretary!!!!”

“you’ve never been on a date before and i’m a good samaritan who loves giving to charities”

“wha- i’VE BEEN on a dATE BEFore!!!” you scowl and yoongi rolls his eyes playfully “okay well it was more like a hangout with a bunch of friends but i really liked the guy and i think he liked me back and you know what he sat next to me when we were watching a movie so-“

“you don’t have to come up with a crazy story to try and convince me that you’ve gone on a date - this is your first date, and it’s with me.” he shrugs and downs the rest of his champagne “i have to go and talk to someone, will you be alright alone?”

“why can’t i come with you?” you whine and lean against yoongi a little and you’re a little too tipsy to notice his cheeks flare up

“because they’re all going to look at you like a piece of meat and i’d rather that didn’t happen.” you look over your shoulder and see a round table with a bunch of older men

your heart feels a lil fuzzy at the realisation that yoongi is,,, being very very protective of u

hm

yoongi hands you another flute of champagne and sets your empty glass down “you’ll be fine in the VIP section just enjoy the drinks and don’T move from this spot”

“but i don’t wanna stand here-“

“i’ll only be like 10 minutes, you whiney baby. here-” when you open your mouth to speak he pops an olive puff into your mouth and then pats your cheek and slips past you

you want to pout but it’s hard doing that when there’s foOd in your mouth so you just watch yoongi as he walks away

of course he turns back to glance at you and gives you a warning look that says if you move from ur spot i’ll shank you

you hate being alone at parties and now you’re alone at this fancy gala

so you resort to your usual solution

scrolling through your phone while standing by the food and drinks

about five minutes pass and you’re already getting bored of the tetris game you’re playing

and then you hear two voices belonging to two girls and they’re standing a little distance behind you

“you think she fucked mr min so she could come here? i bet i could’ve fucked him better.”

oh

oh hELL no

you would nEVER do something like that to get a job you’ve always believed in earning a position through hard work and determination

you want to turn your head and look at the two girls and confront them but you also want to hear what else they have to say

“oh, definitely. what a slut! fucked her way to the goddamn top. that’s how this business works when you’re desperate, i guess.”

you’re clutching your flute of champagne so tightly that your knuckles are starting to get white and you’re surprised the glass hasn’t cracked from the pressure

you can feel your entire face burning up with humiliation and you try to calm yourself by taking a sip of champagne but even good ol bubbly can’t help you

god

this was a mistake

you should have turned down yoongi

“the point is that she doesn’t belong here. especially in the VIP section with us??”

they’re right!!!! u don’t belong here!!!!!!! you are noWhere as rich and successful as these people,,,, you’re tempted to just ditch yoongi and go home

“that dress was a choice. this isn’t a strip club, honey.”

“god, look at her necklace. there’s no way a fucking secretary could afford that shit. how many times did she suck him off for him to give it to her?” the blonde snorts to herself - and raises an eyebrow in your direction

the introduction of a third voice makes you perk up

because that voice belongs to yoongi

he stands in front of them with his hands clasped behind his back

“zero times, actually. i suggest keeping your assumptions - which are all wrong, by the way - to yourselves.” yoongi smiles and tilts his head and the two of them go pale and exchange glances before looking down at the ground

it’s almost eery how calm and composed he is when he goes “miss cho, miss pak -  i can destroy your pathetic little cupcake company with one phone call. have a good night, ladies.”

he walks over to you and you’re like >:-) when you see the security guards guiding the two girls out

“thanks for doing that”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about” yoongi downs the rest of his drink and sets it down on the table before taking your champagne and putting it down as well

“you didn’t have to be so mean about it, though”

“i still don’t know what you’re talking about.” he pauses “and yes, i did have to be mean about it. i never really enjoyed these gatherings, anyway. let’s get some ice cream.”

“don’t you still have business to tend to?” you gesture back to the table of men

yoongi shrugs “they’ll call me if they need anything”

you nod slowly and look around one last time “i thought you didn’t like sweet things though”

yoongi is very tempted to say even tho he doesn’t like sweet things he certainly likes you but

the cheesiness of it all makes his entire soul criNGE

“i can make an exception”

he google maps if there are any ice cream places near the event and luckily there’s one about a six-minute walk away

and so the two of you begin the mini trek

you should have brought your cardigan with you

you underestimated how breezy it gets late at night

yoongi obviously notices this and proceeds to take his suit jacket off before wrapping it around you

you turn and give yoongi a smile even though he’s looking straight ahead

“don’t look at me like that”

“like what?” you hum and link your arm with his and yoongi freezes for a millisecond at the contact

he grumbles something under his breath and you don’t bother asking him to repeat it

“sorry for forcing you to go to this dumb thing with me”

“it’s okay, i had fun! plus you’re treating me to an ice cream in four minutes time so that makes everything worth it”

a comfortable silence falls between the two of you

and it’s just the sound of your heels clicking against the pavement mixed in with the occasional car driving by

goD his suit jacket smells like him and it’s making you feel all woozy

when you get to the cute ice cream parlour yoongi opens the door for you like a true gentleman would and when you give him a little curtsey in thanks he can’t help but roll his eyes playfully while the tiniest of smiles tugs at the corners of his mouth

you’re adorable

and if it’s even possible you become even more adorable at the sight of the large selection of flavours of ice cream there is

“oH MY god red velvet cake ice cream??” your nose is practically pressed up against the glass and your eyes are big and sparkly

there are only like one or two other people in the parlour at this hour and yoongi’s glad because that gives the two of you at least a lil bit of privacy

he looks around a little and turns his attention back to the ice creams

“CINNAMON BUN FLAVOURED- you shouldn’t have taken me here boss the sun is going to come up before i make a decision” you shake your head and tsk and yoongi laughs at that “what flavour are you thinking of getting?”

“i was just going to get the low-fat low sugar vanilla frozen yogurt.”

“oh bOO c’mon live a little grandpa” you snort and shuffle a little to scan over the other flavours

“it’s not my fault-“ yoongi pauses and squints his eyes “-apple pie ice cream sounds like the nastiest thing in the world”

“how about you go and get us some seats and i’ll choose your flavour”

“but-“

“if you don’t like it then i’ll let you get your low-fat low-sugar low-fun stupid vanilla frozen yogurt” you negotiate and yoongi’s like okay finE i guess

he’s about to reach into his wallet but you stop him and you’re like nope it’s mY treat go and find us a booth

of course before he goes and finds the two of you a seat he makes sure to slip the cashier a couple of bills and is like i’m covering for whatever she picks out

yoongi decides to go with a lil booth in the back

just for a little more ~privacy~

and now that he has a moment to himself

oh my god what the fucK is happening to him

he doesn’t do ice cream??

he doesn’t do arm linking??

giving his jacket to someone because they’re cold??? not his thing!!!! he ALWAYS puts himself first!!!!!!

but most importantly

he doesn’t do the whole

romAnce thing

like after the whole fiasco with lisa he was like lol i’m not going to put myself through thaT again and then you came along and RUINED everything by kissing him and making his heart go boom boom because he’s finally realising that you’re just so terribly sweet and nice and kind to him even tho he’s a grade A asshole most of the time

he literally can’t get you off his mind

he thinks of you before he goes to bed ( ;-) )

he thinks of you when he wakes up

and then he sees you most hours of the day and you’re always there with a bright smile and you’re like good morning boss! and he wants to EXPLODE because gosh darn it!!!! you are so cute!!!!!!

and now he’s having a crisis because right now in this stupid ice cream parlour at 1 in the morning he is realising that he 110% has feelings for you and wants to kiss the heck out of you

“i told you it was mY treat!!!!” yoongi snaps himself out of it when you slide into the booth to sit next to him and usually yoongi would be like um,,,,, why are you sitting next to me it makes sense for u to sit across from me u idiot

he’ll.,,,,,… he can make an exception for u

ahem

you slide his cup over to him and yoongi blinks down at it

this…. multicoloured monstrosity with tiny baby marshmallows and sprinkles and chocolate syrup on top

“what flavour is this?? diabetes??” yoongi frowns and twists the cup around a couple times to look at it from all angles

“haha, very funny” you stick a spoonful of your ice cream into your mouth (u went with blueberry cheesecake flavoured ice cream) “it’s birthday cake flavoured! it’s wild but it’s not toO wild”

“you call this not too wild??” yoongi takes a small scoop “i can tell u right now i’m not going to like this because birthday cake is a cake it doesn’t belong in an ice cream” he puts it into his mouth

and you watch him as he processes the many flavours swirling around in his mouth

o shit

dis shit is gud

“well?”

“…eh” he shrugs “it’s passable”

you reach out to take his cup “i can always eat it for you and get you your froyo if you “ yoongi slaps your hand away from his cup and glares at you

and in your head you’re like lolz i toLd you so

“you wanna try some of mine?” you offer him a spoonful and yoongi takes it almost immediately

“i like mine better” he shrugs and holds a spoonful up for you “try some.”

as you’re leaning in to take the spoon into your mouth yoongi’s pulling the spoon farther and farther away from you and he feels his heart go boom boom again when you pout and go yOOooOngi pls

you hum when he finally feeds you the spoonful and you don’t even realise your hand is on his thigh and you’re practically pressed up against him

there’s a moment of silence where the two of you kind of just stare at each other

you’re about to pull away when suddenly

a cartoon exclamation mark appears at the top of your head when yoongi leans in and presses his lips against yours

you want to whine when he pulls away like a second later but you compose yourself quickly

“you had some ice cream there” yoongi clears his throat and focuses his attention back on his ice cream

you’re tempted to smother ice cream all over your face if it means yoongi will kiss you again

yoongi’s eyes widen in surprise when you lean in and plant a kiss on his cheek

“you’re cute, you know that?” you murmur and yoongi grumbles that he’S not cute but his cheeks heat up anyway

the point is

you two are now realising

that you like each other

: )))

[screams into the void]

the car ride home is spent letting the radio fill the silence

your tummies are filled with ice cream

both your hearts feel warm and fuzzy (although that’s probably from the insane amount of sugar you guys consumed earlier)

yoongi parks in front of your driveway and is like c’mon i’ll walk u over

you kind of want to invite him in?? to talk about things?? like if he kissed u that must mean he likes you back but what if he’s only doing it because he still hung up over lisa and blah bLah

but for some reason u can’t find the courage because what if it’s true,,, that he’s only using you to get over lisa…. and you’re really enjoying this little bubble that the both of you are floating in right now…..

“i, uh, i’m just going to come out and say it” the two of you are standing by the entrance

you nod slowly and wait for him to continue

oh god

here it comes

he’s going to tell u he’s not looking for anything serious and then you’re going to have to deal with your romantic feelings for him for the rest of your life

“i had a lot of fun tonight, and i… i think i like you.”

you don’t even realise you’re holding your breath but all you can say is

“you like me or you like-like me????”

okay he’s going to ignore that question

yoongi literally feels like he’s in high school again he’s far too mature for this shit

“i liked you the day we met in the elevator and you unknowingly told me how much of an asshole i am, i liked you when you whined about getting my shitty sandwiches for me, i liked you when you made fun of me for not knowing how to tie my own tie the point is i like you and i like-like you. don’t… don’t make a big deal out of this i don’t have a lot of experience with confessions like this but i just need to know if you like me back or not”

yoongi feels his body beginning to cave in on itself when you stare at him like :0

he can’t even look you straight in the eye he’s just staring at the space behind you

“this is the part where you kiss me, yoongi”

he looks at you and he swallows thickly when you take a small step forward

usually he’s the one in power but right now you definitely hold the power over him

and then it happens

he leans down in one swift movement and presses his lips against yours

this is your third kiss with yoongi and it’s your seCOnd one with him toNIGHT

at first it’s a relatively innocent kiss

nice and slow

romantic

makes your heart flutter

but of course

the two of you know exactly where this is going

you feel your tummy doing summersaults when he grabs your hips and pulls you in closer

you wrap your arms around his neck loosely and grin when you feel his tongue prodding at your bottom lip and yoongi groans in his throat when you tangle your fingers in his hair and give him a little tug

“you wanna come in for some coffee or something?” you smooth down his collar and he presses a kiss to your mouth smartly

“…one cream one sugar?” you giggle and pull him in and the two of you stumble to the elevator

yoongi’s hands are aLL over you the moment you unlock your front door

your purse and your keys end up on the floor somewhere because you’re too preoccupied making out with yoongi while he presses you up against the wall

“i’ve wanted to rip this dress off of you the moment i saw you in it” your back arches so that he can unzip the back of your dress while he’s planting kisses to your neck and your shoulders

he lets out a throaty groan when he sees the lingerie you’ve got on underneath

you felt like tonight was an appropriate night to go full bougie so you treated yourself to some ~lingerie~

thank god you did

you gasp when you feel yoongi tug at your panties and you hear a couple threads snap so you slap his hand away

“yoongi!!! this wasn’t cheap!”

“i’ll buy you a new pair, fuck, i’ll buy you ten new pairs” yoongi groans against your neck and pushes his crotch into yours and you automatically forgive him

meanwhile you’re blindly unbuttoning his shirt

articles of clothing are tossed on the floor leading a trail to your bedroom

“you gonna be a good girl for me?” the bed bounces underneath your weight as yoongi gently pushes you onto the mattress

and goD he looks like sin standing above you and loosening his tie while looking down at you with dark eyes and swollen lips

“yes, daddy”

oh,,,,,,,, o oh my god

he wants to wreck you

“naughty little thing” he purrs then leans down to kiss you while slotting himself in between your legs

and the moan you let out when he rolls his hips against yours is something he’d want to listen to for the rest of his life it was possible

and then he’s leaving a trail of wet kisses down your neck and your chest and your stomach until his head is in between your legs

the coffee can definitely wait

; )

when he wakes up the next morning he’s surprised to see your chin propped up on his chest and you have the brightest smile on your face

“you like-like me”

yoongi groans and smacks you with a pillow to shut you up but he can still hear your muffled you like likE Me biTCH

the two of you get to work an hour late because yoongi decided he wanted to strip you out of your pencil skirt the second you changed into it

and everyone’s kind of like ?? what…… the..,.,.,.,fuuuuuu when the elevator doors open and they all catch a glimpse of you adjusting yoongi’s tie and yoongi leaning down to give you a kiss

you’re not sure if yoongi wants the entire office knowing about the two of you so you move to the side to let him walk out first but he grabs you and wraps an arm around your waist and walks the two of you out

and you’re like okay i guess this is a thing now

“good… morning, boss….”

“morning, sir…!”

yoongi pauses and turns back

“good morning, everyone. i hope you’ll all work hard today.”

and then he pushes you gently and the two of you continue walking down the hallway together

oh shit

yoongi just

yoongi just said good morning back

and now everyone’s even more confused because literally whose mans is this

you push his hand back up to your hip when you feel it sliding down a little and you retaliate by pinching his bicep

yoongi smiles and pinches your hip

you turn and look over your shoulder and it looks like the entire office is staring at the two of you like they’re just crowded around the beginning of the hallway

and jimin’s in the front like THAT’S. MY. BEST. FRIEND. Y’ALL. and he blows a silent air kiss to you and you blow one right back

wow

you love life

min yoongi and y/n y/l/n

b i g  d i c k  e n e r g y

yoongi joins you on one of your morning coffee runs because you spent the night at his place so he was like i might as well get coffee with u instead of u walking over here twenty minutes after we get to work

and ah

thIS is jungkook

hm

handsome guy

he can see the appeal

“morning, kook” jungkook perks up when he sees you

you turned jungkook down one morning when he plucked up the courage to ask you if you wanted to grab dinner and see a movie sometime

he was heartbroken for like one minute but when you said goodbye and gave him a tiny kiss on the cheek and told him if yoongi was out of the picture u definitely would’ve ended up with him and he was like :-)))))

the two of you are good friends and he gives you discounts sometimes

“morning, y/n! i’m guessing you’re here for the usua……l…..” and then his eyes very slowly,,, trail over to yoongi who’s standing next to you

he can feel his fiery gaze through his sunglasses

“yep!”

“throw in a cake pop. kook.” yoongi coughs and gestures to the cake pops in the display case

jungkook almost shits himself at how intimidating yoongi is

“y-yessir. right on it… sir.”

after you pay for everything and go over to wait you turn to yoongi and you’re like stop staring at jungkook you’re scaring him

and yoongi’s just like >:-) on the inside because he loves scaring people

when jungkook hands the coffee over to you his grip around the cups are so tight you’re surprised the lids haven’t popped off them

“thanks kookie” you take the paper bag from him and shove your elbow into yoongi’s side because jungkook isn’t staring at you he’s basically staring at the counter

“yeah. thanks, kookie.” yoongi offers a smirk and jungkook’s just in a state of [E N DM YS U F F E R I N G]

you give jungkook an extra large tip to make up for yoongi’s presence

even though you and yoongi are officially together that doesn’t mean you can slack off during work

and you learn this the hard way

sometimes you and jimin are too lazy to text each other so you end up calling him

he moved to a bigger cubicle thanks to you and it’s in a more ~secluded~ area because you know he works best in privacy

“oh my god jimin the other night he fucked me so hard he nearly broke my bed like i woke up this morning and i found a crack in the headboard but honestly i don’t even care because he made me cum like three times and i am so sorry but mr min’s schedule is booked up for the next week i’m afraid i can’t slot you in until next month! yes, goodbye!” you clear your throat and hang up and look up at yoongi who is currently looking down at you with a very amused smile on his face

“…hi boss” your voice cracks and you clear your throat quickly

“miss y/l/n. who was that?”

“oh,,, just some… guy… calling about a meeting… did you…. need anything?”

yoongi shrugs and shakes his head “i’ll be in my office”

but of course

because he’s yoongi

he can’t help himself and he stops before going into his office

“i made you cum four times. if you’re going to gossip at least get the details right. tell jimin to get back to work. and i’m still waiting for the revised copy of the contract that you said you’d type up an hour ago.”

maybe u and jimin should go back to texting

“i have parts of it revised but i-“

“got distracted?” yoongi’s eyes flicker towards the phone “don’t let it happen again.”

“buT jimin was the one who-“

“don’t blame other people for your own crippling procrastination.” your cheeks burn up and you let out a huff because yoongi’s turned into an asshole boss again

“pizza at my place tonight? we’ll leave at 5.” yoongi swoops down and steals a kiss from you and you’re like hoW do you go from asshole boss yoongi to boyfriend yoongi so quickly “you’re sleeping over again, by the way.”

you cup his cheeks and keep him awkwardly bent over so you can give him another soft kiss and he hums

“you owe me a new headboard, mister” you boop his nose and he swats your hands away before standing up and adjusting his tie “the main reason why i’m sleeping over is because i’m scared that if i lie down on my bed it’ll snap in half”

“you know, you could always just move into my place, baby. i want the contract in the next ten minutes or you’re working overtime.” yoongi leaves you with that comment and goD HE’S SUCH A..,.,.,., he’S SUCH a yOONGI

even before you and yoongi got together he always stressed the importance of not disrupting any of his meetings

there are a couple exceptions like that time he told you ‘you hAve to tell me when mr kim calls’ and when you did you got in trouble for it (he apologised about that and admitted - he only did it because he liked watching you get all riled up)

yoongi cut your lunch break short because he wanted you to re organize your desk (which was something that you were going to get to aFter lunch) so yA you were feeling a little salty because you were really enjoying your noodles

and yoongi’s in the middle of a meeting right now but you just came up with another exception

:-)

yoongi’s leaning back against his chair and keeping his eyes trained on the gentlemen currently talking about the stock market and recent increases and decreases

thank god he has resting bitch face all the time otherwise it’d be obvious that yoongi was boRed out of his fuckign mind

his phone buzzes on the table and the guy falters for a second but continues to speak when yoongi waves his hand

hm

interesting

it’s a text from you that just says : )

but something that’s more interesting

there’s a picture attached to the text

it’s probably just a meme you found off your Facebook feed

he should text you and tell you to get back to work

plus the guy isn’t even paying attention to yoongi he’s too busy explaining his pie charts

so yoongi technically isn’t being thAt rude

he unlocks his phone and opens the message app and

oh god

fuck

definitely not a meme

it’s a picture of u with your top unbuttoned exposing a sexy little bralette that definitely is not appropriate work wear

he didn’t see you put that on this morning whEn did youyou must’ve changed during work no wonder you took longer than usual to come back with his coffee

yoongi swallows thickly and lowers the brightness on his screen but looks back up at the presentation

he’s looking at pie charts but all he can think about is how badly he wants you over his desk

you’re slightly concerned when you see that yoongi’s left your message on read

uhHHhhHH

maybe this was a bad idea

maybe you pushed it too far this time

you were probably going to get in a lot of trouble

you’re chewing on your nails nervously but you’re like noPe i’m not going to overthink it and you set your phone down

it feels like a million years have passed when the meeting finally ends

you peek out from behind your desk when you hear yoongi walking down the hallway

and you feel a twinge of disappointment and humiliation when he walks past you and straight into his office

and then

it happens

“miss y/l/n. i’d like to see you in my office for a second.” and he has thAt look in his eye so you know you’re in a different kind of trouble

>:-)

instead of complying ur like oOf you know what i’m kind of in the middle of something i’m sorting out your-

“that was very clearly an order and not a question” and he disappears into the office and you’re just having the time of your LIFE

yoongi ends up fucking you on his desk with your skirt bunched up to your hips and your shirt completely unbuttoned so he can see this barely there bralette for himself

and you’re pretty sure he has a thing for your heels because he makes you keep them on

he has his hands pressed flat on the desk next to your head while your legs wrap themselves around his waist

“naughty baby, sending me a picture like that in the middle of a meeting…” yoongi growls and pushes your legs down and you let out a mewl at the pure pleasure coursing through your veins “say you’re sorry and i might let you cum”

“i’m- oh, god - i-i’m not sorry, though” even when you’re getting fuCked out of your mind you’re cocky and yoongi wants to fuck that smirk off your face

he delivers a particularly hard thrust that hits you right there and makes your back arch and your eyes roll to the back of your head

“i’m sorry - what was that? didn’t hear you, princess” and then he’s hitting that spot over and over and over and ovEr again and you’re gripping onto the edge of the table so hard you’re worried you’re going to snap a chunk off

“yoOngaaH! i’m s- i’m sorry i’msorryi’msorryplease i’m s so sorry” yoongi lets his head drop and he bites down on your shoulder as you claw down his back over his shirt

“good girl.”

this is like a 200 pound mahogany desk but he’s fucking you with such fervour that it begins to tremble underneath the two of you

after your mind blowing orgasm the last thing you expect is for him to turn you around and bend you over so your chest is pressed against the desk

yoongi bends down over you and you shiver when you feel his mouth against your ear

“you’re not getting away that easily” you whimper and the next thing you know yoongi is shoving his tie into your mouth to shut you up because he knoWs how loud you get when you’re overstimulated

he doesn’t bother teasing and pushes himself all the way in and lets his head drop to your back and just lets out this gutteral grOan

when you leave his office you’re all flushed and your shirt is wrinkled and buttoned wrong but yoongi isn’t any better

his hair is a mess and his shirt is mostly unbuttoned revealing the milky expanse of his chest that’s littered with splotches of your lipstick

he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you in to plant a kiss on your cheek and then pats your bum and tells you to get back to work

one time you were going down on him and you freeze when you hear someone knock on the door so he makes you hide under his desk

it's jimin and he's like u..uh hey boss have u seen y/n?? i have to ask her to file this document for me but i haven't seen her anywhere

yoongi jolts when he feels you take him into your mouth again and he tangles his fingers in your hair when you start bobbing your head slowly

“sorry jimin, haven't seen her. come back in like... 20 minutes."

and jimin’s like okay yes sir and he shuts the door

after it’s all over jimin sEES YOU leaving yoongi’s office and he’s like oh y/n i was just looking for-

wait

but

but yoongi said he didn’t see you and

you were in his office and

your lipstick is smudg,,,,ed,,,,….., your hair.,,.,.., is kind of tousled,,, more tousled than usual…..

you and jimin are kind of having a stare off and you’re waiting for it to happen

and five seconds later it hits him

when he opens his mouth you slap a hand over it and you’re like i’ll buY YOUR LUNCH FOR THE NEXT WEEK just don’T SAY ANYTHING

jimin’s like no i don’t give a shit about you going down on him at work what i’M freaked out about is the fact that he seemed so calm and composed while you were sucking him off

min yoongi is a man of many talents and one of them is being able to hold a poker face for eternity

you unfortunately are not as talented at keeping it cool as your boyfriend

which is something he both loves and hates about you

tonight yoongi’s working late again which means that you have to stay late too

you don’t hAve to but,,,, you like to keep yoongi company and also being completely alone while he’s working forces you to actually do your damn job

“who are you calling?” yoongi steps out of his office and tugs his tie loose before rolling up his sleeves

“mr jung’s secretary- if he’s ever going to pick up the damn phone. i’m trying to reschedule your meeting with mr jung because it overlaps with your meeting with mr kim this coming thursday.” you don’t even look at yoongi when you speak and scribble something down on a post it note before sticking it on your wall calendar

“which mr kim?”

“the…” you pause to think “the one with the hair” you gesture to the top of your head

“…they both have hair”

“i know i know i’m saying this one is the one with the blonde- hi! hi, i’m miss y/l/n, secretary of mr min yoongi. i’m so sorry for calling so late into the night but i just needed to…”

he loves watching you work so hard

his little busy bee

yoongi grabs the arm of your chair and swivels you around so you’re facing him and you give him a look that says what do u want i’m busy

your eyes almost pop out of their sockets when yoongi drops to his knees and settles in between your legs

“of course, i can wait for a minute-“ the second the secretary puts you on hold you put a hand over the receiver (just in case he can still hear you) “yoongi, no!!”

“yoongi, yes.” your body automatically listens to him as he taps the side of your thigh for you to sit up a little so he can push your skirt up

“i’m on the phone, yoongi. you can’t do this right now just give me like three minutes” you hiss but your legs naturally spread for him and he just smirks up at you and is like mmmmm your body is telling me otherwise

you reach over and push the speaker button and then hang up the phone and thank god the secretary still has you on hold because you are using a range of very colourful words to scold your boyfriend

“i’ve called mr jung’s office before- his secretary puts you on hold for like ten minutes you’ll be fine” you don’t know how he does it but the next thing you know your panties are gone and your boss/boyfriend’s head is buried in between your legs

“oh goD yoongi please don’t stop” you whimper

his fingers dig into the meat of your thigh so he can keep your legs spread because you keep twiTCHINg

“hello?” you want to scream when the holding music turns off and the secretary comes back on

“yoongi stoP you have to stop” you gasp and arch your back against the chair and yoongi’s hand snakes up to push against your tummy

“pick up the phone and do your job” yoongi presses a kiss on your inner thigh before giving you a small nip and you thank the lords above he’s going to let you take this call first

yoongi leans back a little and fixes his hair

“hi, yes, hello” you’re a little breathless as you unmute yourself and you clear the throat

“i’m having a little trouble with the scheduling here. mr jung can only do thursday next week, otherwise i’ll have to pencil you in for next month.”

“he can’t do friday or anything?”

you give yoongi a warning look when he begins pressing a trail of warm kisses from the inside of your knee to your inner thigh

“i don’t think so.”

“when does his- oH” you nearly bite your tongue off when yoongi suddenly attaches his mouth to your clit and your fingers immediately tangle themselves in his hair

“sorry, what was that? didn’t catch you.”

“his- whendoeshislastmeetingonthursdayend??”

“uh.. hold on, let me check here…”

you bite down on the inside of your cheek and your head flops back against your chair as you focus on the ceiling and try your hardest not to moan

yoongi can’t help but smirk when the smallest of whimpers slips past your lips

it’s when hE lets out a low moan against you that you gasp loudly and your toes curl in your heels

“his last meeting ends at 6:30 that day how about mr min?”

“five forty fiVE” yoongi throws one of your legs over his shoulder and oh my goD you want to die this feels amazing and you can’t make any sounds and your body is currently telling you that hEY i’M ABOUT TO HAVE AN ORGASM

so that puts you in a panic because there’s no way you’re going to cum and have a normal conversation with a stranger so “you know what give me five minutes to reorganise mr min’s schedule and i’ll call you right back”

you hang up the call and the next thing you know you’re seeing stars and yoongi’s name keeps slipping past your lips in the form of whimpers and moans and yoongi is just soaking it aLL up

“that was a close call, no?” yoongi looks up at you from in between your legs and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand

“i hate you.”

[pellicano-sanguino]

Wasted potential in fiction is worse than a story that’s just bad overall.

If someone had asked me couple years ago what vampire books I liked the most, one I would have definitely brought up was Vampire Winter by Lois Tilton. 

It’s a post-nuclear story, where a vampire is at first joyful that the fallout clouds cover the sun both day and night so he is free to hunt whenever he wants but things get worse rather soon. Turns out humans who have been exposed to the radiation have turned undrinkable, poisonous for even vampires. Also, the amount of survivors is small and getting lesser by the day as desperate people leave their shelters to find food and supplies and run from looters, risking radiation poisoning. The vampire who used to kill his victims without mercy is at a situation where he can’t afford to lose a single healthy human to avoid starvation. So he strikes a symbiotic deal with a bunch of humans: since he is unaffected by radiation, he will wander out and bring them food, medicine, even books to pass their time, in exchange for blood donations. This is what I remembered from the book, and thought it good, because I’m a sucker for interesting relationship dynamics between a vampire and their donors.

However, I re-read the book recently and was surprised. It wasn’t nearly as good as I remembered it. The interesting symbiotic relationship between the vampire and his donors only lasts a short period of the book and then they go their separate ways and the vampire for some weird reason just goes back to killing his victims again. Also, there was a lot of completely unnecessary violence towards women. The book tries to have a message of “in hard times it’s better to spare lives and co-operate than divide into groups all against each other” and that “every life is precious” but then goes and has the donors leave behind a mentally handicapped girl for the vampire to kill because she would just be “a burden” for the survivors. Also, there’s a fucking gang rape scene. I’m...   confused...   how did I ever convince myself this was a good book?!

The problem was that my memories were too focused on the one part of the book I found super fascinating. The vampire-donor symbiosis plot was such a great story idea that I actually forgot the rest of the book is shit. I was too intrigued by the story’s potential I failed to notice it doesn’t properly utilize the great idea it had and just turns into a gross masculine violence fantasy.

It’s a shame, because with little changes, this could have been an awesome book. But it completely wasted its potential and left me much more disappointed than would have been the case if it were just a regular old shitty vampire novel with nothing new and interesting added.

I just finished a new book that has the same problem and it infuriates me. It’s a book that has some really great parts but then goes and ruins everything. This book is called Pure Mua (”Bite Me”) by Terhi Tarkiainen. I know, writing about a Finnish book in Tumblr might be useless, since what are the chances Finnish vampire enthusiasts will find my posts, but I want to vent my frustration about it somewhere. So here goes.

Finnish vampire fiction is a rare species. There are some short stories but the only novel I can think of is Jarkko Laine’s Vampyyri, which is a very...   specific Finnish literature category; a “tuskapaskakirja” (literally, pain-shit-book) where everyone is miserable and things just get more and more depressing until the whole garbage reaches a lame anticlimax like a bowl of ice cream I accidentally put in the refrigerator instead of in the freezer. Not my kind of book. So, when I heard the rare species had spawned a new book, Pure Mua, I got curious.

My expectations about the book were mixed. I generally don’t like modern Finnish literature. The few books of it that I had to read back in high school or by getting them as gifts were at best incredibly boring and at worst insufferable pretentious artsy junk. However, this book looked like it aimed to be entertaining, not fake deep and for intellectuals only. It whispered a promise of genuinely embracing its own cheesiness. And, well, I do like cheese.

So I read the book. And my opinions remain conflicting with one another. I can’t really say if I liked it or not because for every part that was done well there was something that seriously rubbed me the wrong way.

The story itself is really well written. The text flows naturally and is pleasant to read, the narration is occasionally very witty and humorous. The plot twists are unpredictable which is unfortunately rare in this genre. Vampire fiction is so full of reused story ideas that they often turn out rather predictable. But this book surprised me several times. Of course, unpredictability shouldn’t be valued by itself. Writers who intentionally lead the reader in one direction only to pull a carpet under their feet or who make their characters behave in unreasonable and inconsistent manner just to get a juicy plot twist, usually don’t produce good quality stories. These plot twists however feel natural and well planned, not there just for the shock value. The plot also escalates constantly, forcing you to read chapter after chapter because you don’t want to leave it at an intense cliffhanger.

Since the vampire fiction is full of reused story ideas, it’s rare that I come across a book that has something I haven’t seen before. The basic premise of this book is that since vampires aren’t classified as humans, human rights don’t apply to them and there’s a ring of illegal slave trade where a “kennel” produces “specimens” for the rich assholes who want to turn their fantasies of dating a hot vampire into reality. Human trafficking basicly, only with vampires. I have not bumped into this story idea before. Usually the power dynamics are reversed, the vampires being the cruel monsters who do horrible things to humans. I know the whole “humans are the real monsters”-trope is old and overused, but surprisingly rarely does it happen in vampire fiction. I guess it’s because to a lot of friends of this genre vampires are a power fantasy and they wouldn’t enjoy seeing them tamed and subjected to something as horrifying as human trafficking.

So, the book turns the traditional vampire/human power dynamics upside down. However, the protagonist actually doesn’t want the pet vampire her nutty parents bought her as a birthday present. She tries to find a way to safely release him back “into the wild” but has trouble coming up with a solution on how to do it and ensure he won’t be recaptured by the trafficking ring again (since he is chipped). 

Next I’m going to spoil the last plot twist of the book. Turns out the trafficking ring is led not by humans but by a loony communist vampire who has a diabolical plan. He intentionally made vampire pets a trend among the filthy rich and then once every elite household in Finland has one, he intends to shut down the safety chips that give the vampires electric shocks if they attack their masters and let the hungry, abused, vengeful vampire slaves drink all the greedy capitalist pigs.

And this is...   supposed to be the main villain of the book. I’m supposed to be appalled and horrified by this impending slaughter of innocent humans. Well. Does it make me a monster if I say I think this is a great plan? Everyone who buys a personal sex toy from a human trafficking ring deserves to be devoured by ravenous vampires. The fact that the victims of slavery aren’t technically human here changes nothing since their intelligence is identical to ours. And creeps who would buy a vampire would definitely buy a woman or a little girl too. 

Everyone who thinks slavery is a fun hobby that the elite should be allowed to do again deserves to be killed by their slave.

The slavery theme is one of the reasons I have such conflicting opinions about this book. It’s such a horrifying scenario and you really, really want to see the main vampire freed from it, you want to see him and the main character succeed in their attempt to destroy the vampire slave trade. But then the book decides to focus less on the horrors of slavery and...    actually romanticize prostitution. The vampires in this book’s universe are all nymphomaniacs and addicted to sex. Umm...   ok, your world, you do what you want. But I really can’t stand the stereotype of seductive, nymphomaniac prostitutes, who do it because they enjoy their “work”, considering how the harsh reality of prostitution is something completely different. “She likes it anyway” is a lie slimy old men tell one another to feel less guilty when they go to Thailand to “play minigolf.” Hurk. Hork. Barf. I know this is fiction and the vampires aren’t human (and we don’t see female vampires) but I really wish people would stop writing this character type. Also, I hate stories where a noble person saves a prostitute and is “rewarded” by their love (in other words, gets to fuck the prostitute anyway, feeding into the idea that “nice guys” who protect women from creeps deserve sex as a reward.)

I give the book one point for the scene where the protagonist starts to caress her slave when she’s super drunk but then is startled and horrified at what she did, thinking that she has become a monster.

If there’s one thing I hate even more than romanticizing prostitution, it’s sexual violence. Thank goodness this story doesn’t have that but it’s bad enough that one male vampire constantly threatens the protagonist with rape. And I’m supposed to care about this guy and worry about what will happen to him. There’s something so disgustingly...   male...   in the thought process that when you want to hurt someone, your first thought is rape. When a woman sees a person they love being abused by someone, she might beat the abuser into a fine pulp but no, women do not rape, women do not use sex as a torture devise. If a guy gets hard from anger and wants to fuck someone he hates there is something seriously wrong with him and he needs to seek help. Men are scum!

This book isn’t a particularly pleasant read for a feminist anyway. With the exception of the protagonist, all female characters are lazily written, unconvincing, misogynistic cardboard cutouts. Male characters on the other hand are, with the exception of the main villain, painted as flawed but sympathetic. The protagonist has a stalker ex who doesn’t understand the concept of “no.” I was convinced this creep would turn out to be a villain in the end, trying to kill the protagonist because “if I can’t have you, no one else can!” Because everything he said and did kept raising the red flags. But no, I’m supposed to find him charming and loveable and his stupid bratboy jokes soooo hilarious. The book wants me to think of all the women except protagonist as either mean-spirited bitches or dumb blondes (your “I’m not like other girls”-complex is showing...) and feel sympathy towards a creepy stalker and a guy who threatens women with rape. Right. Is this some het culture bullshit or just what exactly am I not getting? Also, if your only way to make the heroine likeable is to turn all the other women into cartoonishly evil or ridiculously immature and stupid so that she'll look better in comparison, the reader will become suspicious of her character (because exaggerating the faults in others while claiming you yourself are perfectly innocent is a strategy used by narcisstic, manipulative jerkfaces).

I’m also rather disappointed that the book relies on stereotyping Fenno-Swedes. Fenno-Swedes are the Swedish speaking minority, descendants from rich Swedes that were given land here back when Finland was part of Sweden. Because many of them are still in the upper class, having inherited their ancestors land and wealth, the middle and lower class Finnish speaking Finns tend to be racist towards them, considering them smug elitists and disgustingly rich capitalists who never had to work for their wealth. Making the main character a Fenno-Swede and then giving her behavior that strengthens the prejudice against “bättre folk” is just really lazy writing, it’s like having a romani character and having her do shoplifting. Sure, the protagonist wants to be different than her gross parents who would buy a sex slave as a gift, but her attitude towards money is the same indifference. Oh, I smashed my phone to pieces because the phone call made me angry. Oh well. Pappa betalar. 

There’s a scene where the protagonist and the stalker ex witness a protest that consists simultaneously of racists who want to close the borders and unemployed who blame the government for their poverty (right. You really want to draw “equals as” sign between crazy nationalist bigots and unfortunate people trapped in unemployment hell? Fuck you, fuck you so much.). The protagonist asks where all this hatred comes from and the stalker ex explains that when a person is in a bad situation in life they seek scapegoats to blame for their troubles, whether that be foreigners or politicians. But since we’ve already gone the route of giving the protagonist stereotypical Fenno-Swede behaviour, why not let her voice the opinion of “If the lower class is angry at the upper class it’s because they project unfair blame onto the rich, surely their suffering has nothing to do with the elite’s greed and misuse of power.” Now, opinions like this wouldn’t matter to me normally, because characters are allowed to be flawed, but when those flaws rely on harmful stereotypes, it’s disappointing.

I want to like this book. It’s so genuine and entertaining and well written. But I threw up in my mouth so frequently while reading it that I don’t think I care to read it another time. If it was written a little differently, I would probably love this book. But there’s no use crying after wasted potential. I can’t help but praise the book for the parts that are really good, but I can’t recommend it either. I would have preferred it to be either all good or all shit, not this mixture of gold and rust.