#like im not telling anyone that its fun to have this shit unless im deep in a hypomanic episode and not thinking straight
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The weird part of having paranoia delusions is that so often things just "make sense". Like, you're aware it's not true, but you feel an immense compulsion to fully believe it is. Or something "connects" in your head, but it's not logical. You know it's not. But it could still technically be 100% true against all logical odds.
More after the cut, slight nsfw warning kinda
For example, last week I had fully convinced myself that a group chat I was in wasn't real and I was making it up. I don't know why I would make it up, but it was on an app that I'd never heard of before and my friend was very vague while telling me about it, and I hadn't seen anybody in the chat in weeks (I was on winter break) so, to my fucked up little head, there was no way to prove that the chat existed. I ended up having a bit of a breakdown in the chat, begging someone to text me a photo of them holding a piece of paper saying that the chat was real (since I already knew that texts were real since I'd talked to them irl about texts and seen them text me).
I'd never had this type of breakdown infront of them before, usually being able to sort it out through seeing them in real life and slyly asking questions that would "prove" the reality of the thing in question, but now they just thought I was batshit crazy asking if an app I'd messaged in like 500 times by then was real or not. And honestly, they were right! I WAS batshit crazy.
And, at least for me, it's influenced by media too.
For example, earlier this week, I was listening to an episode of the magnus archives during lunch at school while just casually roaming around to try to find my friends. But, it happened to be an episode based off The Lonely (if you don't listen to the magnus archives, The Lonley is basically one of the god-type things in the tma universe, it affects feelings of loneliness and shame, and these god-like entities can affect reality in the tma universe causing events to happen irl that are similar to their type). And because it was a Lonely episode, and I was walking a route that I usually don't go, and I couldn't find anybody I knew, and I hadn't actually talked to anyone at school all day, I had yet another delusion. For just a moment, which lasted all of about 8 minutes since I found my friend shortly after, I was Fully Convinced that I wasn't actually at school and that I was still at home, probably getting yelled at for standing around being hours and hours late. "How could I sleep in so long?!" I thought, "I'm fucked I'm so so fucked, how am I still asleep i need to leave!! I need to get to school or I'll be even more late!!". Just absolutely freaking out in my head, showing nothing on the outside cuz I didn't want anyone to "think there's a ghost here by moving the air air around", which, even if somehow it was true that i was astral projecting into the school or some shit, thinking that i couldn't/shouldn't move around weirdly was inherently illogical. Because like I said, I was already walking around *quite fast*, basically running at this point since im naturally a fast walker and was freaking out, and therefore I was moving a lot of air around.
And okay this is gonna be a gross one so I'm sorry but it really shows just how much of my life this paranoia shit affects, but like, I can't even "get off" without being paranoid. I constantly, 24/7, believe there's a camera watching me if I'm doing anything wrong/embarrassing. And I *know* it's illogical, I don't know why anyone would wanna watch me do weird shit nor how they'd get the cameras around, but still, whenever someone says "hey Mike, cm'ere I wanna talk about something" my first thought is that they're gonna pull up camera footage of me smoking weed or something else I'd get in trouble for, or smthn that'd just be plain embarrassing! I litterally like, *can't* get off without hiding myself somehow cuz I ain't into voyeurism or whatever. Depending how how bad my mentalscape is that day, just keeping my pants on can keep me from feeling watched and exposed, but sometimes I gotta wear 2 blankets and put heavy boxes infront of my already locked doors and keep all my clothes on and wear headphones at 1% volume. (and for the record, I always wash anything I was wearing after that. I may have poor hygiene but even on my very worst days I can AT LEAST change my boxers). And I ain't just tryna infodump aby my dick here or smthn, saying this is only to point out how this kinda paranoia can affect so many odd corners of your life. I debated mentioning it at all, but it feels important.
I don't really know where this is going at this point, kinda just me venting about my paranoia and delusions I guess. I guess im hoping that this sparks some kinda thread talking about these types of mental illnesses, I don't see a lot of posts about these. It makes me feel inhuman sometimes, not even as a delusion (though that is a frequently recurring one), but in the way of not even being able to talk about it to find other people like me. Humans are a social species, and not being able to talk about this without being outcast paired with the delusions that other people aren't real, makes me feel *really* inhuman.
I want to help yall because I know firsthand how shitty it feels. If anybody has coping mechanisms for this that they favor, even if they seem obvious, please tell me. Someone who reads this might also be struggling with paranoid delusions with NO coping mechanisms. Anything helps. Share your stories, and ways people have helped you. Even if the "people" was just yourself.
I know this post prolly won't get a lot of notes, it's just the ramblings of a sleep deprived madman after all, but I really hope it does.
#tw delusion#tw paranoia#paranoia#actually paranoid#actually delusional#mental health#mental illness#actually mentally ill#paranoid delusions#delusional#stop romanticizing it#like yeah sure i romanticize it for MYSELF in my head but thats litterally *only* so i dont get hyper-depressed again and kill myself#it aint fun! it aint “oh haha yeahhh im soooo delulu cuz i have a crushhh XDD” this is an actual thing that affects peoples lives!!#and by “i romanticize it for myself in my head” i mean i just like. yk. try not to get depressed about my thoughts and go listen to music#like im not telling anyone that its fun to have this shit unless im deep in a hypomanic episode and not thinking straight#i just try to stay happy dispite feeling like im falling out of the sky at terminal velocity; which to some people may resemble romanticism#anyways im done rambling#bye 👋#bo backreading the delusion post we die like men#no beta we kayak like tim
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okay i saw a few accounts doing this so i thought to ask you, would you beat svt in a fight????
omg lmaoo i would love to rate this asfkakakaka, okay so- realistically, any of them could beat me in a fight (except maybe jeonghan) but- BUT i'm delulu so i'd still rate them <3
can seventeen beat me in a fight?
seungcheol - 7/10; would definitely devour me if he ever fights me lol, but i don't think he would uk- like that one fan-meeting where he let a carat win in arm wrestling? he's probably gonna do that until i rile him up or somehow got him to be competitive- then, its not even a fight, i'll be tasting dirt lmao.
jeonghan - 3/10; yeah im winning- now listen, i was an ex athlete and i do go to gym so it's not even a question- that man has a constitution of a cereal box you accidentally kept at the very deep dark end of the cart. i would win unless- he somehow stabs me or gets his boyfriends to fight me.
joshua - 7/10; this gentlemanly man won't lay a finger on me just to keep up with his image, while his eye will be twitching and his lips morphed into a crazed smile as i instigate him lolol it's all fun and games until he punches me, then i'm done.
junhui - 3/10; this man nearly cries- fighting with anyone who is not a member or a friend and is a carat on top of that? would just let me hit him to shut everyone up lmfao until i take his coconut- then he will go cocococo on me <3 [ reference : SVT RECORD JUN MUKBANG BANGKOK ]
soonyoung - 5/10; yes i know about the saesang-car lore, but he is also our squishy pookie adorable hamst- tiger and he absolutely adores carats and anything which isn't a friendly competition- he just won't partake in it, would get pouty if asked to fight a literal carat, until i called him "hamtori", one kick is all it takes i guess? and im still in love with him.
wonwoo - 8/10; best believe that i'm not even willing to participate in this- wouldn't really do anything and would just stand there 🕴️like this. and i try to headbutt him and fall on my butt in response, he is still standing like 🕴️this.
woozi - 100/10; holy shit im running away before you even try get me to do this!!!
minghao - 9/10; you see *nervous chuckle* i will try to keep him calm, i really would but if he gets annoyed of my buffonery i am slashed.
mingyu - 6/10; see, i firmly believe that it wouldn't even faze him if i punch him (although, a lot many have said that my slaps and punches do hurt) that man would just accept his fate and be ready for a beating, but if he even slightly pushes me- let's enjoy the visual of a 6'3 man apologising to a 5'7 girl while there are tears in my eyes and i'm trying to tell him that it's alright.
dk - 1/10; this sweet heart of a boy is NOT fighting me, he would accept his fate and show me his cheek ready to get hit but UNO REVERSE i take his hand and treat him to icecream.
seungkwan - 4/10; this man has a severe syndrome of all talk and no show, the only reasons im losing is 1. he's screaming all around and i've gone deaf because of him or 2. he seriously seriously tries.
vernon - 2/10; he just doesn't care- why is he fighting me? why do we need to fight? why should he fight? can't i just punch him once and get it over with?
dino - 6/10; now normally, normally he is going to accept his fate (like mingyu) and just be ready to get hit. then i say something idiotic and then i eat dirt. hehe.
#svt#seventeen#kpop#seventeen imagine#svt imagines#kwon soonyoung#hoshi#seventeen scenarios#svt scenarios#choi seungcheol#scoups#yoon jeonghan#joshua#hong jisoo#wen junhui#jun#wonwoo#jeon wonwoo#mingyu#seungkwan#jeonghan#woozi#lee jihoon#dk#lee seokmin#xu minghao#the8#vernon#dino#lee chan
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If you could write a backstory episode for Hotch, what would it look like?
ah.. the age old question
truthfully im not much of a writer, so id have a hard time condensing everything id want out of his backstory into a 40 min episode (or a 2 part special). i think the simplest way would be something similar to profiler profiled where they take a case close to hotch’s home and he knows the people involved but doesnt want to admit it
tbh i think itd be difficult enough to set up a case like that. jj might have to bring it in—maybe she was surprised when hotch turned down her suggestion to consult and got passionate about it. (hotch can claim to be by-the-book, but when it comes to something he cares about, he caves pretty fast, so i think he’d be too concerned about avoiding reliving decades old trauma maintaining his composure around the team to let them dig around too deep). but jj goes behind his back (well intentioned, not well thought out) to assign the team this case anyway
ive given it a lot of thought and i think itd be funniest for hotch to just pretend not to recognize anyone. he likely hasnt been back since before boarding school, so he’s probably relying on no one recognizing him either. but some of the older folks at the precinct cant help but think of that hotchner fellow when they see the name. hotch does relatively well, but the team begins to notice he’s more tense than usual. theyre not really sure what to think until the sheriff (or someone idk) tells the story of the lawyer hotchner (spittin image of this fbi guy!) and his troublemaker son, and they start putting the pieces together
i think itd be fun to have the team forcibly dig around into hotch’s life. for one thing, it seems like the only way they’d get anything out of him about his past. and two, even if none of them are consciously aware of their own spiteful vindictiveness, it’s lowkey payback for all the times hotch has crossed their own personal boundaries “for the sake of the case.” anyway they find out about what went down in the hotchner household, and suddenly all the pieces come together: all the red flags theyve kinda just ignored until now form an ugly picture of abuse.
god forbid anyone gets closure on this fucking show. inevitably they dont really talk about it and after the case is over its basically never brought up again (unless morgan is mad about something or reid is losing an argument). itd probably end with hotch looking at a picture of his son or some cheesy shit like that. in true criminal minds fashion: hotch gets his trauma dragged up for no reason and then they never deal with or acknowledge it ever
#‘what case’ u ask? not my problem#‘how is it related to hotch?’ who knows#‘why did they need to dig into his life if it wasnt relevant?’ all is in the hands of the lord 🙌#asks#aaron hotchner#bonus points if jj says something insensitive like ‘well at least u had a reason to kys as a teenager smh’
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Hey uhm ‼️ Just a small nod that shotacon/lolicon/ incest anything of the likes isn't okay with me. It shouldn't be something I have to say, really, but after that whole fucking fiasco after everything I just saw I'm throwing it out there. I'm shaky and disturbed and shout out to my loving cousin who pointed some things out after stalking around for me I love you so deeply, and to who I mean this to idk if you can see this but after reading all that shit on your blog after digging its not okay man, I'm sorry I didn't see it sooner cos I wouldn't have ever played along and tried to be your friend, I'm not a person who ever wants to hurt feelings but holy shit dude. That's alot. Like I said, sorry I spoke to you but I didn't know it ran that deep, I had to sniff around to find that shit and it's...wow. I will not put myself through another strife again, I just got out of one I can't handle another
To those associated with him sniffing around my blog hello, no im not unblocking him I have my reasons, I'm not criticizing yall 🙏 Do what you want keep me out of it. If you're associated with him and curious because you too are clueless like I was, then go ahead and dm me. If you're associated with him and aware, good great we have no beef with one another I'm telling you now I don't fuck with people like that and I don't want the drama, and I don't want the hate because I am NOT putting anything like that out there- not that anyone has done that- but I see how yall respond sometimes to people I'm not down with that groove
To the clueless ones who get my notifs hi, I'm so sorry if you saw me interacting with BlurryMango I genuinely did not know the full extent of that rabbit hole and how deep it went. This is the last time that'll ever. EVER. Happen and I'm mortified and shaken so if I take awhile to post there's a reason. If you don't know that user hi!! You're one of my older moots and you don't know what's going on and I'm even more sorry to you for getting this on your dash ignore me unless you are one of the aforementioned in the beginning I have stated it before and now put it in more detail that I'm. Not in that community, I don't find it okay, I don't know any trauma you may have went through, but I particularly don't believe publicizing it is a way of "coping" with your trauma. If it was private then maybe that's a different story but publicly saying you like to write AO3 stories and shit like that about it is- In my opinion- a publication of something that shouldn't be public because you are in..PUBLIC. And if you are proud about where you stand then you won't mind me saying I don't want to assiciate with that, your ground is your own I can't stop you and you cannot stop me. This is running long now but I know prying eyes are watching me and you sending people my way isn't okay! This was distressing and quite frankly very unfortunate I have to even say all of this to begin with. But I deserve to say my stance and leaving people in the dark isn't my slice of cheesecake. Even if I was told you deserve that, I'm not that kind of person.
Long winded, if you read it all I appreciate that. I wanted to sprinkle in that sarcastic humour but honestly this isn't the time or place for that, this is one of my most serious posts I'll ever make and it will be the last. Stop sending your people my way. Usually I'd keep my head down and shut my mouth but I'm scared just a tiny bit and I have good people here that I adore dearly, and seeing me associated with that is..horrific. I started crying after seeing the full extent. I tried to give benefit of the doubt that perhaps anguish preluded you but that is alot of you saying it's not even the case. You're doing it for fun, and for the first time in a long time I feared for myself and those around me because I'm very social and like to group people together. I can never stand by that with you around. Writing incest for- in your words- "fun"? Is something nobody around me will ever face. I wish you the best, you and your therapy and again, I'm sorry
[EDIT]
Someone asked for more detail behind my scenes TW I don't even know, just stuff I found on my search that made me halt and stop. I'm not cropping anything, I don't know who cares so deeply, but someone asked my reasoning and pictures so these were the ones. I do not believe in harassment!! Like I said trauma is real and validated I understand as far as I can and also never had a proper stance because I've never had to deal with this before, I've seen.."anti's" (whatever that is? Not fully aware?) Threatening and harassing/doxxing people which isn't correct either. I'm done now, just be aware sometimes
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I have a head cannon that bakugou would not be sweet to who he liked or dated and instead deny it and hate on them even more.
The reason being because he doesn’t really understand feelings so, when he’s talking badly about you he just assumes it’s normal and a bit funny at the lies he’s spitting that his just continuously friends are eating up.
he’s been talking bad about people for years so , who cares if your his s/o your no acceptation all people are equal in his mind. Now lemme explain please fall in line and hold a buddys hand kids we’re going on a trip inside my brain
It wasn’t easy getting the spiky haired male to ask you out honestly if someone asked you , which they’d never dare since they’d never know per bakugous request him saying it’s not their business , how you two got together you would shrug your shoulders and walk off.
It wasn’t that it was a boring day or a simple question that you supplied the answer for. It was that it was unusual.
You’d been at quirk practice after school in the gym like you’d usually do only this time bakugou made his way over to you.
You’d been seeing him more often when you were in the gym and you weren’t sure why until he explained that he was interested in your workout routine saying you two could have a contest to see who’s was more grueling
It seemed like fun so like any competitive person you agreed. Only for him to tap out on day two your laughs swirling around the gym as he fought so hard to say he only lost because he just didn’t like how the air would hit his ass crack anytime he did your little girly squats you’d wrote down for him.
You couldn’t say you weren’t both confused and happy when he let the air calm down before he spoke “ i’m kind of conflicted “ his eyes coming up to look at yours from the floor “ could you maybe help me“
“ of course what’s up “
“ i’m at a standstill “
“ more like a sit still “ you joked eyes peering down at his straight face “ yeah ok let’s imagine that didn’t happen —continue “
“ uh yeah anyways — i’m at a standstill because honestly I like your shit workout “ he shook his head to the floor “ but I also like you so I find myself thinking if I couldn’t get through your workout even though I enjoyed it so much could I “
his voice rasped shakily “ could I get through a relationship with you even though I like you even more “
truthfully you’d wish you’d said no because right now you wanted nothing more than to just be friends with the male sitting across the room from you.
It’s not that you didn’t like him of course you did he was hot , smart, and felt strongly about his goals but, he was an asshole.
Not in the aspect of hes just mean and rude but he was an all around prick as he laughed with his friends from across the room.
Their voices only getting louder as you sat alone a few seats away from them trying to complete some work on your desk you’d just been given “ dude gotta admit class 1-A’s got some hot chicks “
“ yeah honestly minas top three if we’re being truthful “
“mina dude come on have you seen jirou “
“ don’t even get me started “ denkis voice came out in a soft groan “ god I would— “
“ yeah yeah all that jazz but “ seros voice came out soft. His hand coming up to point at the seat as you sat in with your head down eyes furrowed in anger at the math on your paper that wasn’t syncing up with your brain right now
“ y/n “ his fist tightened as he groaned “ y/n could get it on all accounts — the car “
“ you don’t have a car “ denkis voice came out as sero continued
“ the school bathroom “
“ but which one ? because one of you would have to go in the wrong sex’s unless its a handicap or family stal-“
“the fucking dorms “
“ y/n ? “ kirishima asked quickly “ y/n l/n ? “
“ fuck yeah “
“ hmm “ kirishima studied you before shaking his head “ honestly kinda hot never really paid attention to that stuff before though “
“ what the fuck how can’t you “
“ uh i’m more so a personality guy “
“ so by personality would you fuck em ‘ “
“ not to be vulgar but of course “ his answer taking no time “ y’know how fun they’d be in a relationship though not just with sex ? imagine cuddles—fuck —what about cuddle monster y/n maybe ? god that’d be so hot “
denki getting restless as he held his thoughts in from the other males. His mind spazzing before finally getting to speak “ i’d fuck her too “ he yelled everyone’s eyes going sharp on the boy before he coughed “ id rock it too — we’re talking about getting mullets “
“ oh boys that’d be kinda hot “ you said laughing sarcastically sero turning to you smiling softly “ oh yeah on who in particular “
“ mm totally blondie over there “
“ the fuck ? “ his eyes shot away from denkis and moved to yours anger pouring through his gaze making you jerk back a little in surprise “ the hell you mean i’d look hot “
your eyebrows creased “ well because I — you do you would “
“ don’t go talking out of your ass you hear me—shit people like you don’t deserve to talk to anyone about looks “ your mouth went dry at his lazer stare.
His lips curling up into a smirk before he shook his head “ these assholes are talking about fucking you yknow “ he whispered to you “ you gonna let em ? you gonna let em right? because that’s the only attention you’d ever get right “
“ bakubro hold up chill out “
“ yeah bakubro chill out “ you said your gaze wavering from the hard one you’d had when you felt the heat radiating off of him no comfort coming from him to you only confusing you more. Had you two been in a secret argument that you knew nothing about
“ whatever “ he leaned back in his chair as the class went back to what they were doing your hands gripping the pencil when the class got even louder but you only searching for your boyfriends voice easily drowning out the others
“ i’d never fuck “ your heart broke at the deep voice youd identified
“ dude seriously come on with the lies —fucking beautiful “
“ correctomundo my friend their absolutely stunning “
his laugh ripping through their claims hand jerking back to point at you “ you think their beautiful much less hot ? “
“ yeah you don’t ? “ denki spat all of them looking at the boy like he was crazy for enjoying this obviously racy topic right now much less taking the wrong side of the debate
“ I literally just sat here and said I wouldn’t fuck em’ pokémon —so you can guess what that correlates to “
“ hey dude why’re you being sucha a dick —the personality’s top tier even if your stupid enough to think their not at least hot“ kirishima putting the ending words in quotation marks honestly a bit upset with his friend
“ hey watch it your over here defending an extra like your gonna make moves on em “ he laughed “ I advise otherwise “
you let out a sigh thinking he’d finally stopped acting the way he was. Your mind preparing to only give him the silent treatment for today and then tomorrow peppering him with kisses until he laughed and apologized for his words
Heart only being snatched away from your body when you heard his deep vibrating voice cut through the room “ probably gonna give you a rash from all the shit that’s on their mouth all the time “
it’s just lipgloss.
Lipgloss bakugou bought you packs of earlier this week after he swore he loved the taste and scent.
moving to wipe at it gently with the sleeve of your outfit him still going causing tears to start building up in your eyes “ bet the bitch doesn’t even shower —had em’ over for a project last night had to wash my sheets and blanket —took hours last night “
“ oh “ denki let out “ I was a bit confused when I saw you at the laundry room at 3 in the morning.
Tears blurring your vision as you thought about his earlier words when he’d given you your favorite sweater of his after saying he’d washed it for you because he knew you wouldn’t do it yourself because in his words ‘ you would never wash it without his help because you were a creep and didn’t want to erase his smell or some shit ‘
“ yeah —smelled so bad im telling you stay away you don’t wanna ask em’ out “
you moved to grab your phone as he kept talking you typing out a message as best as you could before hitting send. His hand moving off the desk and going in his pants pocket to pull his phone out keeping it hidden under the table eyes trailing over the screen
Firefighter >3
baby are we arguing
if your mad at me please just tell me don’t just talk shit about me in front of your friends
him locking his phone and placing it on his desk before you typed out one more message him letting out a sigh as he grabbed for it again
firefighter >3
if you keep going we’re over
“ but imagine whoever bags them apart from bakugou at least since we all know he’s all anti hot y/n “
“ they’d be so lucky “
“ yeah right “ he spoke lowly almost trying to hide his voice from you eyes glued to his phone “ wouldn’t dare “
“ wouldnt dare what bakugou “
“ oh wouldnt dare be —-be lucky “ he locked his phone again “ feel bad for the person dating them all the shit they gotta go through put up with , claims they make through message and not with real words, being too much of a pussy to speak up for themselves“
he shook his head softly eyes twitching “ you wouldn’t put up with that —you couldn’t put up with that your not built for it you gotta have tough skin y’know like me “
he licked his lips moving to sit up straighter when hearing his phone vibrate “ don’t uh “
firefighter >3
one more bakugou
one more bakugou katsuki and were over
his eyes darting over to yours before his eyebrows furrowed and body shook in anxiousness he couldn’t figure out what to do.
He was an asshole you knew this so why the fuck were you being such a crybaby now? did he pick the wrong person to date he thought you were strong
He genuinely just wanted to keep these creeps away from what’s his by scaring them off he wasn’t doing anything wrong? well at least in his eyes
He moved to talk again trying his best to string together a nice sentence “ just don’t uh ask —ask em’ out —-their utter dog shit when it comes to relationships leave it to someone who can handle that y’know “
he relaxed into his chair at his victory when he watched you throw your phone to the table and fix your skirt and standup. Him sighing out when you picked up your stuff to leave “ thank all might “ he whispered head shooting to lean back against his desk chair and look up at the sky blood running cold when his phone vibrated against the table
firefighter >3
all your shits gonna be outside my dorm door. So you might want to come collect it before I have half and half lighting campfires tonight
y’know since i’m such a shit person —gotta hope your bestie deku can give me some after school lessons on personalities. He’s so sweet I bet he’ll fix me right up
screw you katsuki see you in hell
“ the —the fuck what did —the hell did I do wrong “ he screamed when he saw you slam the classroom door after flicking him off
his friends eyes moving from the door to bakugous phone that he’d thrown on the table.
Todorokis eyes going wide when he read his stupid nickname given to him by the steamy male “ I —I uh“ he coughed “ I think i’m gonna go help y/n since their now single—don’t want em’ getting hurt with amateur fire starters again when i’m right here “
his stone face peered down at the red faced boy “ I mean that is ok with you bakugou seeing as though you two were most likely in a relationship by the messages before today “
“ you asshole did you go through me and my s/o’s messages “
“ judging by the series of recent text I don’t believe that’s the case for you two anymore “ he reached to grab his backpack saying a formal goodbye before he spoke “ I feel like i’m needed by a very —very perfectly intelligent unshitty person right now “
seros voice coming out softly as he let bakugous phone fall to the table disappointment in his eyes “ look uh —dude you didn’t have to mess your relationship up just to go against us ? “ he winced at the claim“ honestly you could’ve stayed quiet the whole time —it’s not like we agreed with you anyways “
bakugou leaned back in his chair anger swirling in his stomach as he felt his body sweat at the new heat spreading throughout his whole body.
How the hell did he mess up where the hell did he mess up he explained to you he wasn’t gonna treat you any differently than any other extra here and that went for basic conversations too
Maybe he went a bit far with the dont date em ‘ that was probably it you didn’t like how he said don’t date you because he was the only one who could handle you right ?
He shook his head a bit confused you just wanted him to say that you could handle yourself and didn’t need him right ?
So , why the hell did he feel like he’d done something wrong he wasn’t stupid but he just wasn’t well versed in feelings. He already didn’t know how to handle his own so how was he expected to handle another persons.
To him his words were normal he talked about all people like this hell, he bullied deku for 3 years going as far as to make a special nickname for him
that wasn’t even the worse he could’ve done and you knew that so why was he in trouble and worrying about Icy hot taking his place
He was honestly confused?
Could words really be that hurtful?
could his words really be that hurtful ?
#katsuki bakugo imagine#bnha bakugo katsuki#mha bakugou#bakugou x reader#bakugou katsuki#bakugou x you#bakugou x y/n#bakugou headcanons#bakugou imagine#bnha bakugou#katsuki bakugo headcanons#katsuki bakugo x reader#katsukibakugou#katsuki x you#bnha katsuki x reader#mha katsuki#denki x y/n#denki x reader#sero x y/n#sero x reader#eijiro kirishima x y/n#shoto x reader#mha denki#mha imagines#mha#mha x reader#mha fanfiction#mha headcanons#bnha mina
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Can I get a hunter x hunter match up!:)
I want a male character
Im a girl
So basically how I look physically , I wear bangs on my face and have a pony tail on the side with all my hair going down but sometimes I like having two buns or two pig tails cause I like looking cute. Im asian , 5,2. Black long hair , I like to wear scrunchies or hair bows and I like girly dresses , skirts and crop tops. Im have social anxiety , its very hard for me to make friends cause it scares me , Im artistic(I like to draw and sketch) and I like anime.
I like eatting candy and I like stuff toys so I guess you can say I am a bit childish.
Im a bit chubby cause I like eatting but its not noticable
Im introverted and Im not interested in talking to most people cause I find them boring but I have a close friend group , Im usually stand off-ish with people but if we are close I make a lot of dirty jokes and im very playful and light hearted but again half the time I will be introverted. I like deep conversations , talking about feelings and philosophical things and Im self conscious of how I look and im insecure but I dont tell anyone unless we are close. I like deep emotional connections , Im an INFP
I really like physical affection , I like PDA.
I'm idealistic and I day dream a lot about romance and etc but Im not a hopeless romantic.
I have an inner world in my mind.
I like helping my close friends out.
I don't like small talk.
I want to make friends but my anxiety is a lot
I get jealous of others a lot and I need to be nurtured
I want someone to focus on me than other people and don't forget im there when im around people cause in groups Im quiet.
I want someone to care about me and nurture my feelings a lot and I like feeling valued.
I make very lewd jokes and I make some other jokes others may laugh at or find me weird
I really like positive people because I look up to them and I think their cool but I want someone with emotional depth to talk about deep inner emotions
I can also tell when someones upset or sad simply because I can based off of body language.
I like being there for others even though sometimes I dont know what to do , im very emotionally nurturing , I like spending time with people I love a lot.
I also live in a fantasy world in my mind and I love music and I like making people see me as attractive or act playful and bubbly cause it boosts my self esteem and makes me feel hot
Sometimes I can be too quiet but it depends on my mood , I dislike most people cause I view them as "Normal"
I tend to procrastinate
(15 and I dont care who you ship me with cause I drool over guys like hisoka any day but dont ship me with gon or killua cuzz thats not gooood)
Oof, this came out longer than I originally planned. Oops lol.
So! This was dangerously close to being Hisoka since he'd very much like your childish habits and quieter side. However, Hisoka is a stray cat at best and he's an absolute manwhore. He likes powerful people and monogomy just does not fit that energy.
So, instead you get Leorio! Leorio is goofy and childish enough to match your dirty humor and not be put off by stuffed toys, PDA, or anything like that, but he's also got a ton of wisdom and compassion within him. He's seen some fucked up shit, and he's still fighting to be a doctor to help those in similar situations to him and his old friend, so he's got plenty to discuss.
One downside is he probably wouldn't stick to you in a crowd if he's having a lot of fun. He's a bit of an extrovert, he enjoys going out and chatting with people and making friends, so he can sometimes get caught up in that fun. However, he wouldn't completely forget you. So long as you stick near him, he'll give you openings to be included, and he'd probably help you to meet new people too.
He's also, naturally, very capable of being nurturing. He's got very much a big brother energy honed by his friendship with Gon and his desire to be a doctor, but on top of that he's just very good at helping you grow. Keeping you on task to stave off procrastination, helping with self-confidence, helping you make friends easier, all of that. He's a good match for you.
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my brain would not shut up while i was in the shower CHRIST ok so me rambling about yato being my perfect subby top under cut
warnings for cockwarming and mild exhibitionism
i’m definitwly more of a dom/power bottom when it comes to yato bc i dont think i can resist having his cock and/or his fingers inside me but i LOOOVE being in control when it comes to him. and he loves it too thats just how it is!!!
hes always calling the shots as the commissioner n ofc its not like he hates that- he loves it, n he even doms me sometimes too (AGH 🙏) but he trusts me so much to be vulnerable around him that he lets me be in control more often n we have a lot of fun
sometimes he’ll tell the retainers that he needs Absolutely Everything he needs to work on put on the desk- but only so nobody has to walk in his office bc im on his lap cockwarming him while he does his work ( ⁎ᵕᴗᵕ⁎ )♡
from the front we look fully clothed, in case someone Does walk in, but they cant take 3 steps further from the door bc we dont want anyone else witnessing it (unless theyre a consenting party im not opposed to thoma actually). poor babys in pain for the entire time bc i put a cock ring on him so he cant come :( he can only come when he finishes his work, which is tough for him bc hes snug so deep inside me oops
its late when he finally finishes his work and WOO my head’s spinning just thinking abt it bc as soon as i take the cock ring off he’s got me on the desk and absolutely destroying me- he’s already coming two thrusts in though, but hes not done yet and comes more times than that. he’s basically rutting in me for the entire night, he’s so cute <3333
ok im done. my shower thoughts need to CALM IT DOWN holy shit
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Keeping Up A-fear-ance's Thoughts
I finished writing this shortly after 3 am after watching the new episode like three times because I simply had too much energy about it and I have so many thoughts because I simply live for clawthornes and also I tried to break it up with more photos this time sorry not sorry if it's a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
YOUNG EDA!! let me just say I am quite a fan of opening with a flashback like we've done here and the last episode
"we have never seen a curse like this before" Lilith you had shit luck picking out curses huh
"cut it out if we have to" goddamn Gwen let'a calm the fuck down a bit.
anyways we've only really seen young Eda as a wild and confident and happy little child so I appreciate seeing this side of her with the anxiety and fear she's feeling here. I love seeing what the curse stuff was like for her as a kid
Gwen: I raised a perfectly fine kid
Me: no you didn't look at her she's got anxiety
I'm guessing this is their backyard or just some woods behind their house?? wonder if the portal was placed there by another elder family member.
lmao I can't even begin to imagine what small Eda experiencing the human realm was like for the first time
Gwens giving me "I can't accept that my child is disabled/chronically ill/etc." here. y’know the kinda parent that'll put their kid through hell over something they probably will find a way to learn to live with (which Eda did do)
ok that's it I humbly request to know the story behind the fang now (also the noise she made when she put it in was freaking cute)
new dress! new boots! new dress! new boots!
..yikes that fridge is empty
"calm down the curse acts stronger when you're stressed" Eda do you know who you're talking to here
confirmation losing limbs is in fact a side effect of the curse!! (y'know since Eda originally said it just happens when you get older)
please I love these sisters they're so sweet and make me wanna go 🥺
"suddenly curious about my past" "always. always curious" Luz says exactly what we all think
witchlet?? sweet flea?? she's got pet names for them 🥺 (although idk how much I'd like to be referred to as any kind of flea sorry Lilith)
ok Gwen is very much not close to what I expected and I'm kinda grateful for that
she's more like super caring but still managed to royally fuck up which was my original head canon for clawthorne parents so uh that's cool. but literally, look at their body language, Eda's pissed, Lilith's sad and making herself small. she's clearly messed up with her parenting on both of them along the way.
"who knows what they put in those nasty concoctions?" mama clawthorne would be a fucking anti-vaxxer wouldn't she
ok I side with Eda here more than Luz and Lilith. just because Luz misses her mother, or Lilith hasn’t seen their mom in so long doesn’t mean Eda has to feel all grateful for the presence of Gwen, especially if the woman has caused her a lot of trouble over the years
I feel like the fact that its actually both Lilith and Gwendolyn have spent their whole lives dedicated to trying to find a cure could probably have held some kind of weight on Eda at some point. Even though she shouldn't feel guilty or responsible for that, I still feel like it's gotta suck knowing these people have spent so much time on something you know is likely never gonna happen, all for you.
Lilith 😞 her mother really just didn't pay attention to her all these years
hey if this guy does some next level healing magic then why isn't he more well-known, huh? why’d it take so long to come across him?? Gwen do you know what the fuck you're doing cause I think you don't
Lilith just because you're depressed about your mom doesn't mean you have to bring king down too 😠
SUPER irrelevant but is anyone else just bothered by the way Lilith is holding her spoon?? that doesn't seem like a comfortable way to hold a spoon. also is she left handed??
"knife season came early" EDA WHAT DOES THAT MEAN. is this a boiling isles things or is this a it’s common for people to throw knives at you thing
also I want to be surprised Eda fell for the apple blood signs but I am not 😔
Luz please trust you're gut on this one and not mama clawthorne
ok now I need to know why the fridge was empty but they had 18 cartons of ice cream this is why you guys don't have food you're wasting it all on ice cream.
wow never thought I'd see the day hooty became the voice of reason
also, night market ice cream?? are they implying this ice cream is like, edibles of some sort?? Lilith does seem kinda high here ngl. idk man but at least she wants to stand up for herself so good for her.
PLEASE kings just offering her ice cream while she transforms
"first in a series" Gwen honey oh no. you've been duped. I think we can see where Lilith got her naïveté from huh.
Also, nice snatch Luz 😊
anyways love how this show is basically making fun of moms who refuse to give their kids proper medical treatment or listen to medical professionals here
EXCUSE ME why do we know Gwen's palisman's name before we know Lilith's?????
"I am a mother who'll do anything for her daughter" you're mom who's suffocating obsession with one daughter has left the other neglected and is currently causing her to turn into a full on beast ya dummy
Eda DOES have a right to be upset. it sucks that her own valid emotions that she should get to feel will cause her while body to betray her.
PLEASE I’M SO GLAD LILITH’S BEAST DESIGN LOOKS LIKE HER AND IS NOT THE THING FROM THE TRAILER THAT IS ACTUALLY IN EDA"S HEAD WHEN SHE’S TRANSFORMED
but also why is she SO massive?? also anyone concerned that this is her first transformation and the light glyph trick wouldn't even work??
Gwen look at what you've done, you've fostered feelings of inferiority in one daughter causing her to feel the need for sibling rivalry that the pure instincts of the raven beast cannot suppress no matter how much their sisterly relationship had improved.
HOW COULD YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER ALSO BEING CURSED BE A PART OF THE PROCESS GWEN??
"after Eda was cursed, I joined the beast keeping coven" woah woah WOAH. you're telling me you only joined because of trying to help Eda. that covens existed, before Eda got cursed, and you very much weren't a part of one. combine that with "some words for belos" she has and do I smell wild witch theory still plausible???
anyways at least mama clawthorne is getting some sense into her head here
Morton c'mon help a girl out, that's some dang good art too what the heck dude
ok fine mama clawthorne to the rescue
no pls not raven beast Lilith crying im crying now
Gwen: I raised a fine and self-sufficient child
Me: no you didn't look at her. she's got, SO MUCH.
GODDAMN THATS SOME POWER. ngl this only adds fuel to the fire in my head that there was some kinda reasoning these sisters were torn apart, that someone felt they'd be too powerful together (and they were probably right)
"I heard you but I couldn't stop myself, I couldn't do anything" may be just because she's not used to the curse but again part of me is concerned that because she couldn't pull herself out of it even a little bit like Eda did that there's something wrong there. but she also could've been stressed beyond reasonably calming herself down too.
ok but this is sweet
NOOO im so sad Lilith's leaving :( I literally cried ok
"you lived here?" fine OKAY king that was hilarious even if im sad about this
"reconnect with dad" excuse me where the fuck has this man been in the middle of all of this. curse shit is going DOWN and he's just chilling at home.
I am curious about people's thoughts regarding the whole Lilith regression thing and the fact that she's literally going to be living with her parents again. I feel like it could help nurture that inner child she's been reverting back to and help her out a LOT. but I could also be concerned about it feeding into the regression and making it worse?? idk and this show probably ain't getting that actually deep into psych anyways
"some day my hair is gonna be big enough to do that too" Luz I cannot wait for the day. also mood, I wish I could do that too.
alright who's holding the fucking pen for hooty we need a volunteer RIGHT NOW so we can remain in contact with Lulu
NOT THE ONLY HUMAN? my bets on the real azura rip never mind she said he
Titan’s Blood?? interesting. If the blood of the titan is around I wonder what that means regarding the titans existence, and how long its been since the titan fell.
AHH BABY LUZ PHOTO
ALSO WHO THE FUCK IS THAT?? They're really gonna spring that on us like this??? Camila's gotta notice somethings wrong right??? Unless any differences she just chalks up to the camp?? oh god :(
well, anyways lumity shippers come get yo juice next weekend
anyways im gonna need to add a NOT canon compliant tag on that one Gwendolyn fic I wrote because it definitely do not comply anymore
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MY RE-WRITING PARTS OF THE ACOTAR SERIES
*some acosf spoilers thrown in because i realize that SJM is writing a story so far removed from what i thought the story should go*
*a bit rant-y but i think this would have made the story more compelling*
i still think elain should have died in the cauldron back in ACOMAF and in my logic this would set of a story that will definitely heal and see powerful women who didn’t have power before be able to weld and rise up.
- nesta and feyre is over protective of elain and would do anything for her (and quite frankly elain’s personality is almost none existent. nesta and feyre are fantastic juxtapositions of one another and can carry themselves well)
- killing elain in the cauldron would up the stakes for both feyre and nesta (instead of making the only thing interesting about elain being likeable, gardening, azriel/lucien ships, pretty and agreeable, and bouncing back and forth between sisters)
- therefore forcing them to work together; push aside their personal bad blood for one another in the name of avenging elain
- through that process of strategizing and learning about fae and their own abilities (feyre’s high lord powers and nesta’s power she stole from the cauldron) they learn to appreciate one another. (and since this is a love story, nesta can still train with cassian but it would be BECAUSE SHE ASKED TO BE TRAINED instead of being forced to)
- they would eventually HAVE to confront their deep personal relationship to one another and move pass their old pains (INSTEAD OF MAKING FEYRE ALMOST DIE FROM SOMETHING THAT SHOULDN’T BE AN ISSUE OR ANY OF THE SPITEFUL SHIT THAT HAPPENS IN ACOSF)
- we learn about their family and their dynamics and how they can agree that their father is trash and even talk about the pain their mother gave (where BOTH SISTERS WILL HAVE AN APPRECIATION OF EACH OTHER AND MAKE SURE WHEN THEY HAVE FAMILIES OF THEIR OWN THEY WON’T TREAT THEIR KIDS THE SAME WAY AND EVEN HELPING HUMAN FAMILIES WHO STRUGGLED LIKE THEM)
- no locking anyone up!!!! the self sabotage of nesta won’t happen because she will put her energy into avenging elain; thus fighting for a bigger cause than herself and make her actually use the power she stole. SHE WOULD HAVE AGENCY. NO RELYING ON THE DRINKING/SEX BECAUSE OF PAIN TROPE. NO RHYSAND BEING A FUCKEN DICK AND EVERYONE SHIT TALKING TO NESTA. they can still have that disagreeable dynamic, whatever but rhysand being over protective and everyone else ganging up on her was disgusting and she did not deserve that.
- WE WILL SEE THEM BECOME LEADERS -- they will lead the strategy along w the IC; we will see them lead with the other high lords, we will see them convince the humans. we got glimpses of that in ACOWAR! SJM writes girlbosses which is just *rolls eyes*. lets let these ladies actually LEAD. let them actually have power instead of writing lip service for that. or taking their fucken power away for the drama. (WTF WAS THE FEYRE CAN’T HEAL BULLSHIT?? WHY STIFLE FEYRE WHEN SJM BUILT HER UP IN THE LAST FOUR FUCKEN BOOKS TO BE THIS POWERFUL FIGURE BUT LIKE GIVING BIRTH, A NATURAL THING THAT FEMALES CAN DO, IS GONNA KILL HER AND MAKE HER THE MOST VULNERABLE SHES EVER BEEN AND MAKE RHYSAND LOOK LIKE A SHIT PARTNER CUZ HE REFUSE TO TELL HER ABOUT HER RISKS. JUST FOR THE DRAMA I GUESS???)
- when war is fought and lost; we see them stand together to become the new leaders of the new world. the wall is gone and hybern is killed. again, we got a glimpse of that in ACOWAR at the end. there should have been a moment when fayre confronts tamlin and TALK to him. they seemed so poised to be LEADERS. new leadership because the old high lords are garbage and they fucked up so many times. introduce new policies, introduce new trade deals, beef up economies (esp since this is hyberns main reason to high up prythian), etcetc.
- feyre can work on leading night court as a high lady along with leading the rebuild of spring court (since she fucken wrecked it, displaced all the citizens, and took it from tamlin. feyre also knows about spring court’s rebuilding effort and how the tilthe isn’t it. she even said that tamlin should not make ppl bring useless things because they have so many things. the water folks dont have fish and that tamlin should have helped them hunt for fish or whatever instead of punishing them) and the new laws and policies for humans (can be intigration?? rhys and feyre talked about human refugees??? where did that talk go??). we can actually see feyre be a HIGH lady instead of her spending her days shopping and decorating and breeding (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT WOULD HAPPEN WITH TAMLIN and we saw that as a bad thing!!! why spend 600 goddamn pages talking about not being that to turn 180 and be exactly that????)
- feyre’s reason for fighting has also been to the benefit of the human realm. the fact that she kind of said fuck it as the books progressed to where nesta or elain are the ambassador to the human realm felt so wrong because being human once was what was special about feyre. that was her north star. her whole heartedly identifying fae is wrong (maybe this is my theory about ACOTAR being a tragedy comes in).
- nesta would finally be an actual queen. you can’t tell me with all the mentions of nesta having queen energy is gonna translate to whatever the fuck it was in ACOSF??? nesta would get leadership experience. she would have purpose! she might even be able to envision of brighter future and fight to not let something like hybern happen again. protect those who can’t be protected? protect those who see the light in the world the way elain did?? maybe even her power can protect the cauldron and she could be a guardian or something??
- this is where i venture off; after the war, feyre leads the rebuild in prythian. nesta can lead the effort in hybern (AGAIN NO LOCKING UP!!! NO TAKING TIPS FROM TAMLIN’S HANDBOOK. NO FORCING HER AGAINST HER WILL!!!). she could rebuild it in a new name and face. her book could focus on her learning about her power; learning about how to please the hybern folks who dont like her (and i like that nesta isnt a likeable person from the start unless you are someone like meeeee). imagine seeing her ACTUALLY make her own friends and have her own inner circle??? imagine her making new friends and helping others. imagine her ruling??? making policys and laws?? imagine her going to different courts to do economic trades and deals?? she would channel her energy into something HELPFUL AND IMPACTFUL. she can still dance and do the big ball stuff. she can host she can feel like shes in control and maybe even channeling her guilt into something that is systematically helpful.
- along w this, cassian would be able to leave night court. he has been side line for so long. hes a buffer between mor and az and thats unfair to him. hes his own person and shouldnt be deligated to that task. he would have to actively choose nesta, which he wasn’t doing throughout the original trilogy. he would have to be placed in an environment outside his comfort! cassian is so much more than a goof ball and buffer. besides his skills might be necessary to handle hybern’s war-happy citizens
- we can see more of this world. hybern is sitting empty and the problems from the start still exists. im just so disappointed that SJM drops hints of scocio-economic problems that exists in the fae world and dont deliver. why deliver something so complicated to ignore??? its such ashame this world is so rich and beautiful and the characters are so fun to read about and for it to be turn out...so....trope-y (IN A BAD WAY). the original stories are fine too i guess, but it doesn’t feel planned out. it feels like SJM writes on a whim and just changes things as she sees it fit the relationship of characters.
#acotar#anti acosf#acosf spoilers#anti sjm#rewrite acotar#nesta#queen nesta#high lady feyre#cassian#anti acotar
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You & Me : chapter 14
A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA
Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS
CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13
NOTES:
-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -4.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.
- notes: this is only a conversation between Liv and Niall. i hope its still good and nice to read? idk, you tell me?
if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)
requests! : i did get all your requests ppl and ill use many of them in the next chapter! the request i used in this chapter is one i got when i was writing AM Conversations but i knew id use it at some point!
Chapter 14 : Her chapter
OLIVIA
The need to kiss him was too strong, especially after what he had admitted. I knew he wanted me to some extent but even if I wanted it more than anything, I didn't really think he still loved me like that. His lips moved harshly against mine and I still felt like he was not close enough, even if he was holding my body against his.
"Real love." he repeated low, his lips brushing against mine as I kept my eyes close.
My fingers moved up to his hair and gripped it tight. When was the last time I could touch Niall this way? When was the last time I could really taste him and feel him? I thought about the day his hand moved up on my pants, the same night I kissed his lips when I thought he was asleep, and realized that every time he touched me, his fingers left a burning trace as they moved on me. It seemed to reach my skin even through my clothes and then turn me into a pile of ashes. The truth was, I felt like a fucking phoenix with him. He always burned me down and brought me back to life. How the fuck did he do that?
He bent down more at my touch, groaning low before pressing his lips against mine again, not wasting any time and deepening the kiss to let me taste him some more. I felt my whole body throb as his arms tightened around me, pressing me harder against him. I didn't want this kiss to end but after a while, a bunch of thoughts came to my mind and I pulled away. His eyes opened and they roamed on my face as my lips parted. We were both a panting mess and it was a bit pathetic to see, but I knew we both wanted more. I also knew we shouldn't do anything and I licked my lips, taking a step back but still keeping a small smile on my lips. As I moved, the grip of his arms loosened and I felt his fingertips brush on my waist, once again burning me. Fuck.
"Uhm I just, I need a drink."
Without waiting for his answer, I turned around and walked to the kitchen, opening the fridge and taking what was left of a bottle of wine I had started with Louis a few days before, bringing two glasses and going to the living room. He had walked down the hall and was now standing near my couch, his hands in his pockets. I sat on the couch and poured wine in both glasses, pushing one gently on the coffee table and looking up at him, licking my lips.
"Thirsty?" I just asked, raising my eyebrows.
He seemed to hesitate but he ended up sitting next to me and taking the glass, looking down at the pale beverage. I wanted to make a cheesy toast but instead, I took a sip and I noticed he looked up at me from the corner of my eyes, making me swallow the whole glass quickly. I put my now empty glass back on the table and he chuckled, looking at it.
"Do you think it's a good idea to get drunk two days in a row?"
"I don't know if it's a good idea, all I know is that i'm doing it."
He chuckled again and grabbed the bottle, pouring me more wine before I thanked him. I stared at him as he drank in silence and tilted my head. He was so fucking gorgeous, I just wanted to-
"I know you want to ask me something, go ahead."
I blinked a few times, focusing on his words instead of his perfect face, and cleared my throat. Oh yea, I had a million questions to ask, but where the fuck should I even start?
"Why didn't you ever call me or tried to get in contact with me? Why didn't you ever just... try to get me back?"
He sighed and nodded a few times, leaning against the couch and staring down at his glass as he made it twist gently with his fingers. I brought my legs up on the couch and turned my body to face him but remained at a fair distance. I've always loved how he'd sit on the couch with his legs spread.
"I'm not gonna try to find excuses, Olivia, but I can tell you what went on in my head." he just said with a shrug. "Maybe it won't be good enough for you, maybe it makes no sense, but it's still that."
He looked up and his eyes met mine. I just nodded slowly and pressed my lips together. It was okay if it didn't make sense. It was okay with me, even if his reasons wouldn't make me feel better. I wanted to know if only to stop questioning it.
"At first I just wanted to have fun. I missed you, but you were right, I wanted my freedom more than anything else. It's all I cared about. But it passed quickly and I started asking about you. Everyone told me to fuck off. Everyone wanted me to leave you alone and deep down, I felt like they were right to ask me that. I had to do some introspection, I couldn't just go back to you and do the same fucking mistakes again. So I wrote, instead. I wrote songs. So many of them."
I licked my lips and took a sip of my wine, frowning slightly.
"Are you ever going to sing them to me?"
"What?" he asked with a frown.
"I'd just.. i'd love to hear them."
He stared at me for a few more seconds still frowning before his face changed and his lips parted. He put his glass away and moved closer, his eyes roaming on my face again. I thought he was going to kiss me but instead, he shook his head slightly.
"You can hear some of them whenever you want." he pointed out low. "On my album, you know? You listened to it, didn't you?"
"You..." I frowned too, feeling my heartbeats accelerate quickly. "Which songs are about me?"
Once again, he seemed in shock and frowned, shaking his head a bit harder.
"Almost all of them! Olivia who the fuck did you think my album was about?"
I could read panic in his eyes and I swallowed hard. I had wished at least one of his songs was about me but the way he pretended it was obvious made no sense to me.
"Heidi?"
The grimace his face twisted into surprised me and he shook his head again, moving slightly away from me. He rubbed his eyes before placing his hand on his mouth. I kept staring at him as a flood of feelings appeared on his face.
"You two dated and broke up like 3 times in the past year, didn't you?" I tried to explain, moving a bit closer to him. "I mean you always got back with her, clearly you love her, and you... I mean, it says you don't want the other person to leave but... you're the one who left me. You talk about brown eyes! Niall, how the hell did you expect me to think these songs were about me?"
This time, he bent his upper body down on his thighs, pressing his palms on his face and somehow, I wished I could read his thoughts.
"This is just a freaking color, Liv!" he pointed out. "As for the leaving part... I felt you leave, even when we were still together. I felt like you wanted out of this relationship, like you were unhappy with me. You were always so stressed that I was thinking about an other girl and, I know I made things worse and clearly didn't help. I was not patient or understanding with you and I fucked things up. But this album? It's about you. It's yours."
I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted him to climb on top of me and kiss me until I couldn't breathe. I wanted to feel the weight of his body over mine, trapping me to keep me with him forever but instead, I felt myself tear up and remained motionless.
"You honestly think I could write about anyone else than you?" he added in a softer tone. "That song you caught me singing the other night? It's about you. When I saw you for the first time in over a year at the bakery, I came home and wrote an other song. About you. It's always about you."
He sighed as he looked away from me, grabbing his glass and emptying it.
"We need more alcohol."
He got up and came back with an other bottle as we started drinking fast. It was even more obvious to me at that moment that I needed to be very very drunk. I had so many things to tell him, so many things to hear from him, and I had no idea how I'd manage all of this if I was sober.
"Even 'On My Own'" I finally asked as I took an other sip of my drink.
"What?"
"You said all your songs were about me."
He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "Not all of them, some are concept songs, but On My Own is sort of about you, yea."
I raised my eyebrows at him and he laughed, his eyes sparkling probably because of how intoxicated he was becoming.
"Really!" he insisted. "Everyone around me was dating and shit, but I didn't want to date anyone unless it was you. I do prefer to be alone but you and me, we complete each other, don't we?"
I blinked a few times and my fond smile turned into an amused one.
"You're so full of shit!"
We both started laughing and I threw a cushion at him. He grabbed it and put it behind his back as I tilted my head on the side.
"I went to therapy." I admitted, making his smile disappear. "No, not because of you. Mostly because of me. Because I couldn't accept to be without you, and because it was time I stopped hating myself for things out of my control. My insecurities were ruining my life. They had ruined our relationship, I didn’t want to see that happen again."
He frowned a bit and looked down before looking up in my eyes. He suddenly seemed sad and I wondered if maybe I should have kept this for myself. I used to tell Niall everything but it was a long time ago, maybe it wouldn't work like that between us anymore.
"You didn't ruin anything. Your insecurities didn't ruin what we had. I did. I ruined that relationship. I should have been patient with you, I should have stopped flirting, I should have been clear with girls around that I was taken. I did a bunch of stupid stuff and i'm so sorry I made you feel like shit."
I nodded slowly, blinking a few times and realizing I was getting past the tipsy stage. The more I was drinking, the more I wanted him to make love to me, and something stirred in my stomach, bringing me near tears.
"I thought you replaced me." I whispered, frowning and looking down. "I thought Heidi took a place I felt was mine. Your best friend, your girlfriend, your... i don't know, your soulmate, maybe."
"When you left on that night, Liv... I said you would always be the love of my life. This is still the truth. I haven't changed my mind."
I sniffed and licked my lips, putting a small smile back on my lips. I wanted this to be fun. I didn't want to end up in tears again.
"Okay, let's just, throw truths at each other." I proposed making him roll his eyes. "Should be easy, we're both quite drunk. I can start if you want."
He squirmed on the couch to face me, a big smile gracing his lips.
"No it's my turn, uhm." he looked up as if he was searching for something good and his eyes finally met mine again. "I followed your tv show. Checked the blog every single day to see if there was something new. I love watching you act. I love watching your face."
"I google you every night. For over a year. Louis hated it but he allowed me about ten minutes every night. I didn't tell him but sometimes I just went to bed and googled you again on my phone. I kept googling you when I started dating Dylan, too. I even googled you last night. I guess It's an habit now."
His lips curled in some sort of victory smile and I rolled my eyes. I knew he liked it and I couldn't blame him. I liked that he cared about me enough to watch my show even if it was really amateur and even if we didn't talk to each other anymore.
"I dreamed of you a lot. In fact, I dreamed of you the night before we saw each other at the bakery." he admitted with a nervous chuckle. "I'd say it was fate if I didn't actually dream about you at least once a week."
"And what do we do in those dreams?" I asked with a smirk.
"Sometimes we just talk, sometimes we fight. Other times... you don't want to know!" he let out with a laugh.
I smiled more, not telling him that I really wanted to know, and finally breathed in. It felt so good to be with him alone, I couldn't explain how happy it made me.
"I found the card in your wallet."
I thought he would frown or at least take a few seconds to understand what I was saying but his face immediately changed and he sighed, closing his eyes.
"Fuck, I thought I lost it." his face changed into a suspicious expression. "Wait, why were you checking my wallet and why did you keep it?"
I laughed a bit. "It was that time you told me to get money in your wallet to pay for the pizza." I explained, making him nod as he remembered. "I saw that and, I don't know. To be honest, I didn't think you'd notice. I thought you had probably put that in your wallet a long time ago and just forgot to take it out."
He shook his head and the left corner of his lips raised sadly. "I kept that picture of us with the card in the frame... kept it on my night stand for months."
"Must have been awkward when you brought girls back home!" I joked with a laugh.
But he didn't laugh. He just looked up at me and my smile fell.
"I didn't bring girls home." he explained. "Hotels, okay. Sometimes their place. But in my house? No."
I didn't know why but it reassured me, somehow, and made me feel better to know he didn't bring random girls to fuck in the bed where we made love. It was not much when you really thought about it, but to me, it felt important.
"I put that picture away when Heidi told me to. I felt like it was a bit unfair for her to see that, I had to admit. I still have it in my stuff, and I couldn't throw the card away so i put it in my wallet."
I sighed and sent him a small smile before letting myself slide down the couch only to lay down on the carpet. I was drunk and a bit dizzy but I knew that all the feelings inside of me were real. There was no doubt for me. Absolutely none.
It took him a few seconds but he ended up laying down next to me, his head next to mine but his feet and body in the opposite direction. I turned my head to look at him and he did the same, a big smirk on his lips. It made me laugh and I pressed my lips together.
"I was sad when I realized I didn't bring that frame." I confessed very low, knowing he could hear me anyway. Our lips were so close I felt like we could kiss again. I felt like we should kiss again.
"I was glad you forgot it. Because I knew it wasn't on purpose. But selfishly, I wanted to keep it, even if it was a gift for you."
I didn't want to mention it, but I was glad he kept it if only to know that he kept it for months and then put the card in his wallet. That was worth not being able to keep it when I left. I brought my hand and with difficulty, I reached for his cheek, making him chuckle. I brushed my fingers on his cheek and sent him a fond smile.
"Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?" I murmured again.
"A few times." he smiled more. "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are?"
This time, I laughed and nodded. "A few times."
We remained silent for a few minutes, just staring at each other, as my heart thumped in my chest. Why was it always so easy with him? Why did I always want to spend all my time with him alone?
"Liv, if there is anything you want to ask me, or tell me... I promise I'll be honest with you." he proposed after a while. "I want to be transparent with you. Always."
My eyes fell on his lips as he talked and all I could think about was that I was so close to kiss him again that I really needed to do something to stop me from going further.
"Did you have sex with that radio girl?" I asked, licking my lips and holding my breath. "And what about that girl who sent you a nude while we were camping?"
His face changed but he didn't look away. He was evaluating how much damage his answer could make and I felt myself tear up. I could read him so easily, even after all this time, and I didn't know how it made me feel.
"Is it really important?" he asked in a soft voice, making me raise my eyebrows. He sighed and closed his eyes. "The radio girl, no I didn't. I did sleep with Gia though."
I was waiting for him to explain himself, or say it meant nothing, but he didn't and I swallowed hard. He had the right to have sex with anyone he wanted. After all, I had sex a few times with one of his best friends, so I couldn't really say anything about it. Did it hurt me? Yes, it did. Because I remembered exactly what that girl's body was like, and thinking about his naked form over hers made me a bit nauseous, but at the same time, it was in the past and it had nothing to do with me.
"Why are you dating her?"
He raised his eyebrows, a bit surprised by my question. "Heidi?"
I nodded. "I know you think she's hot but it's not a reason to date someone." I pointed out with a grimace. "To fuck someone, yea, but not to date them."
"I don't know." he shrugged, a bit taken aback. "She's fun. We had fun."
"You have fun with everyone, Niall." I explained, rolling my eyes.
"What do you mean?"
The way he was frowning was adorable and my lips curled again. "You talk about everyone and call them your best friend, you say that everyone is super funny." I paused and raised my eyebrows again. "Have you ever thought that maybe you're the 'fun' one? Maybe you're the fun person and that's why you have fun with everyone."
It took a few seconds but his lips curled into an amused smile and he laughed, shaking his head.
"You're really something else."
"I just don't get why her. Maya, I get it, but Heidi? Really?"
"You liked Maya, uh?"
I didn't know if I really liked Maya but one thing I knew was that she didn't give me a bad vibe the way Heidi did and that she was gorgeous. No, I wouldn't say I liked Maya, but I understood why someone would want to date her.
"She hated you." he professed with an other chuckle. "She was so jealous of you, she wouldn't shut up about it!"
I felt my heart jump in my chest, a bit shocked that someone, especially someone like Maya, could be jealous of someone like she. She had everything and yet, she felt threatened by an average girl like me? Laughable. It reminded me that during the game, the night before, he had admitted to dialing one of his ex while being drunk and suddenly, I was sure he was talking about Maya and I swallowed.
"Which ex did you drunk dialed?" I asked as he frowned. "Yesterday, at the bar, during the game... you said a lot of things that I wanted to ask about."
"It was you." he laughed, closing his eyes in an embarrassed way and rubbing them. "But when I called it said you changed your number or something. One time I think I left a long drunk voice message to someone that was not you, too."
I chuckled and started nibbling on my bottom lip. This was not the answer I expected but fuck, I loved it.
"I wish I had heard it." I admitted, not knowing how I actually would have reacted.
"I can't believe you sent nudes to Harry but you never sent me any. Why?" he asked, amused.
"Because you never asked, and also, you never sent me any either."
"I don't send nudes." he just replied quickly.
"You should. To me."
His eyes dropped to my lips again and I smiled. I turned my whole body on the side and he did the same. Our faces were now so close I could feel his breath hit gently my forehead.
"Maybe I will."
I chuckled and licked my lips but as we kept staring at each other, I realized how deep the connection we had actually was. I realized how tough it was to stay away from each other and how crazy it seemed to even try.
"What we feel for each other." I started low. "It's visceral."
He nodded slowly. "You and me... we make so much sense, don't you think?"
I lost my smile and nodded slowly. It did. Nothing made more sense than that. I squirmed a bit on the carpet to get closer and brushed my lips against his. The fact that our faces were upside down made it slightly more exciting and when he slipped his tongue in my mouth, I felt my inner thighs start throbbing so hard that I knew I could cum in less than five seconds.
The kiss was slow and sloppy but it was so good I shut my eyes tight, making sure no other part of my body actually moved. I ended up squeezing his tongue with my lips and sucking gently on it, if only to taste him longer. It made him groan and I stopped, freeing his tongue as my lips curled. I was delighted to know I still had some sort of effect on him.
"Pet, don't do that, you're making yourself impossible to resist."
I knew we couldn't do anything and I didn't intend to. I wanted it, I couldn't pretend otherwise, but It was wrong and we both knew it.
"Do you want to sleep here?" I asked as he nodded. "In my bed?" He nodded again. "Are you gonna spoon me?"
"You know I will."
We both got up, almost tripping because of all the alcohol in our bodies, and we started laughing before walking (or more zigzagging) in the hall, dropping random pieces of clothing on our way. We ended up in my bed, under the covers with the lights off, and I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his body pressed on mine. I was wearing his shirt again and had kept my panties while he was just wearing boxers. I loved the feeling of his thighs pressed on mine more than I could explain. It burned and at the same time, it made my whole body vibrate. I was close to fall asleep when I heard his voice, making my eyes flutter open again.
"You didn't tell me."
I frowned and reached for his arm that was around my waist, running my fingertips on it gently.
"Tell you what?"
"I told you how much I loved you, but you didn't tell me how you feel."
My heart jumped in my chest and I remained quiet for a few seconds before squirming as I tried to turn my body around. I had to sit up for a few seconds to untwist my shirt and finally lied back down, facing him. His hair was a mess and I was desperate to slip my fingers in it again.
"I'm in love with you, Niall." I let out, staring in his eyes. "I've always been. You're my soulmate. I love you."
"Real love?" he asked, raising his eyebrows, a small smile playing on his lips as one also appeared on mine.
"Real love."
#niall horan#niall horan smut#niall horan fluff#niall horan fanfic#niall horan fan fic#niall horan fanfiction#niall horan fan fiction#niall horan writing#niall horan story#my fanfics#yam#im super nervous about this
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Blonde Curls |Luke|
Description: Luke leaves Charlotte two years ago not knowing she was pregnant. Then he runs into her best friend at an interview.
Notes: I was thinking of turning this into a longer series but I just ended up with this
Masterlist
Luke can admit that press can be fun but after a full week of it he’s ready to take a nap and not wake up for a couple of days. Luckily the band was on their last radio interview of the day and he was that much closer to crawling into bed.
“Welcome boys we are so excited to have you, Jasmine is just finishing up her current interview and we can set up soon” one of the employees of the radio station explained as they all take a seat on the couches set outside the room. This was a new interview they hadn’t done in the past so they didn’t really know what to expect. He had heard that the radio show was pretty new but was probably one of the most popular ones in the area.
They only had to wait for maybe ten more minutes before the door opened louds laughs filled the waiting area. People exit saying thank you and going their own ways before Luke's eyes land on a very familiar face. It's not the face that haunts him at night but of the one person that probably hates him just as much.
“Shit” Luke whispers under his breath as Jasmine walks out to meet the boys before the interview. He wanted to run and hide right now as his ex-girlfriend's best friend is shooting daggers at him while giving quick hugs to his other band mates. Ashton looks over to check on him since he was the only one that had the chance to meet her before.
“Luke” she mumbles, not even bothering to get closer to him as the other two boys look at him confused.
“It’s been a long time Jasmine” he laughs awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck as her gaze only gets harsher.
“Two years actually” she corrects him and it stings more than it should as she turns her back to him. Her tone is completely different with the other boys as she brings them into the room with Luke trailing behind. Charlotte hasn’t left his mind since the day he got scared and walked away. He hasn’t been able to be serious with anyone else since and he knows that it's all his fault. But, now seeing Jasmine makes the pain come right to the surface. Jasmine was Charlotte’s best friend since middle school, she was the first friend she introduced him to. At the time they had hit it off great laughing and having fun. They had gotten pretty close actually since Charlotte had the biggest impacts on both of their lives.
The whole interview he can feel how awkward it was. Jasmine didn’t really talk to him at all directing all of her questions to the other three. He wasn’t upset about it since so much was running through his mind. No one can blame her for hating him because what happened would make anyone look like a jerk. Charlotte and Luke had been together for four years and lived together for two of those years. They were happy and everything was perfect, at least that's what she thought. Luke wasn’t sure exactly happened but one day it just got real, this was it for him like Charlotte was the one he wanted to spend his life with. But, everyone kept bringing up marriage and asking when he would propose and he got freaked out. One day he got back to the apartment before she did and completely left only leaving a note that said ‘I’m sorry i can’t do this right now.’ He regrets it to this day, what was he thinking.
After the interview was over he told the boys to not wait for him as he hung back. It had been two years but that was too long and needed to see her and fix it.
“Jasmine please just tell me where she is” he begged once they were left alone. Jasmine knew she couldn’t physically hurt him but the looks she gave him would have to do.
“Why should I tell you fucker, you left her and never turned back. You didn’t have to pick up the pieces” she spit at him poking hard at his chest.
“Please I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind the last two years i need to make it right”
“It's not gonna happen buddy she moved on and picked herself up she doesn't need you” Jasmine laughs at him turning away and walking into her office slamming the door in his face. Luke stood in the hallway feeling like such a dumbass. He should have just stayed in the apartment that day till she got home and they could talk through his fears.
“I know where she is” Ashton says from behind him. When they were together Charlotte had developed a nice friendship with Ashton. He was so disappointed when Luke told them what had happened and the terrible choices he had made. But just because they broke up doesn’t mean he was gonna break his friendship with the girl and has kept in touch this whole time. Luke was his best friend but there was one small thing that stopped him from telling him where she was this whole time, and his name was Landon.
------
“Have a good night Claire” Charlotte waved at her coworker as she headed out of the salon leaving her to close up. Everything was in its place already; it was just some sweeping to finish before her mom arrived. She set her phone down at one of the stations hitting play on the music before grabbing the broom.
Luke could see her through the window of the door as she danced around the salon with a broom in her hand. She looked good, like really good wearing black ripped jeans and a nice black cropped sweater. Her blonde hair was shorter, now up to her shoulders and a bit more silver but she was still as beautiful as ever. He paced outside for a few minutes before working up the courage to finally walk inside. The bells on the door alerting his presents but she didn’t look up.
“I’m sorry we are closed, we open at 10 tomorrow if you want to make an appointment” her sweet voice fills his ears after so long. Just hearing her voice and seeing her it's like finally taking a deep breath of fresh air.
“Charlie” he whispers, finally finding his voice again. Her body stiffened at that voice, it's the one she heard on the radio and the tv but also haunts her at night.
“I’m sorry but we are closed” she doesn’t dare to turn around to look at him because if she does it will hurt more and give her mind new material to fester over.
“I wasn’t really looking to get a haircut unless it’s like that time you made me sit in the bathroom so that you could practice. I told you most girls don’t cut hair in just their underwear, seems kind of dangerous” he chuckled taking a few steps towards her. She still doesn’t move because she thought this would never happen, he left. He didn’t want anything to do with her anymore but now he’s here, at her work and she honestly didn’t know how this could get worse.
But of course it does, the chimes of the door sound against but this time she knew who it was. She finally turns around but refuses to look at him but instead at her confused mother standing in the doorway, a small sleeping two year old in her arms.
“I’m sorry to interrupt but your father has the car running” she’s staring Luke down like a mother lion ready to kill her next meal for her children and Charlotte kind of fears for Luke. He knows that looking at her mother will be worse than the reaction he got from Jasmine earlier today. However, his eyes are glued to the small figure in her arms, he looked so peaceful with his thumb in his mouth. Long eyelashes resting on his soft skin and those blonde curls he couldn't understand.
Charlotte walks past him grabbing her son from her mom. He stirs a bit but wraps his arms around her neck falling right back to sleep. She kisses her mother's cheek before placing the diaper bag down on one of the chairs.
“Let me know when you get home please” she gives her another hug and kisses both her daughter and grandson. She doesn’t even acknowledge Luke walking right past him and back into the waiting car outside. Luke can’t even imagine the reaction her protective father will have once she tells him.
Charlotte adjusts Landon in her arms before heading past Luke to grab the rest of her belongings so that she can leave before he starts asking questions.
“Charlie what is going on please look at me” his voice is softer this time and closer and she knew that he was right behind her. Letting out the breath she was holding finally turning to make eye contact with the man that broke her heart. Luke's eyes are still trained on the toddler because the curls alone gives it away, That had to be his son. “How old is he?”
“Two” she whispers softly and it was like a knife into his heart. There was no doubt in his mind that the small boy was his. Charlotte was never the girl to cheat on him and the time line adds up to perfectly.
“He’s mine and you didn’t tell me” his voice raises a little bit with the mix of emotions that were going through his body. If she was pregnant why didn’t she tell him or the fact that there is a small person on this earth that was a mix of both of them.
“Luke I can't do this with you right now” she's walking away from him. “It’s been such a long day and I need to get Landon home” he follows her outside of the salon and towards the parking lot.
“Please don’t walk away from me, can we please just talk about this because im 100% sure that is my son” she stops trying to calm her breathing slowly rubbing Landon back trying to remind herself to not yell.
“Don’t walk away from you, please tell me your kidding because if I can remember you left me not the other way around” They stand in pure silence just staring at each other. Luke didn’t know what to say because she was right, always right. “I need to go home and think Luke, I’ll have Ashton send you my address and you can come over tomorrow okay?” he nods agreeing not wanting to make her anymore upset.
-----
He’s nervous, standing in front of the apartment the address leads him to. His palms are sweating as he wipes them against his jeans fixing his hair and shirt before knocking on the white door. No one ever explains how to act when you officially meet your son for the first time. Mostly when the mother is someone he hasn’t been able to get out of his head even though it's his fault he's in this position. Charlie opens the door a few seconds after and Luke almost passes out. She’s just so damn beautiful with a yellow sundress flowing around her figure, hair half pulled back.
“Mommy” a little voice cries followed by soft footsteps. Landon comes crying behind her immediately noticing Luke standing at the door. His eyes get big and run over to his mother grabbing onto her legs to hide behind.
“Sorry he can be kind of shy” she apologizes as Landon lets out a sniffle looking up to look suspicious at who this strange man is.
“Hi I’m Luke” he gets down on his level making eye contact with the little boy.
“I Landon” he mumbles
“It's nice to meet you Landon, I really like your hair it's kind of like mine” that peaks Landon’s attention as he moves a little bit closer still keeping his hand on his mother just in case. Landon loves his hair, poor little thing cried his eyes out when Charlotte tried to give him a trim a week weeks back.
“Do you like dinosaurs?” Landon asks with the brightest eyes. Luke nods which results in a big smile from the small boy as he grabs his fingers dragging him into the apartment. He leads him into a small play room that is full of different toys and activities. Landon shows Luke his large collection of dinosaur toys having to show him each of them even imitating some of the noises for him.
Charlotte's heart was so full watching the two boys interact so sweetly. It was never her intention to keep Landon away from Luke; she really was gonna tell Luke about being pregnant. But when she came home and he was gone she just assumed he wanted nothing to do with her and wouldn’t want this baby. She was already so heart broken and couldn’t handle another regrection if he truly didn’t want to have a baby with her.
She let them play for a while, busying herself with some cleaning that needed to be done. Working and having a wild two year old made it kind of difficult to keep everything organized and put together.
“Mommy” Landon yells running into the kitchen with the biggest smile basically bouncing in his spot under her. “Can Luke come play all the time” Luke stands behind him leaning against the wall with a smile that matches his son his whole face glowing. Landon had never asked about having a dad not fully understanding but Charlotte knew that she would have to explain it at some point. Luke and her had a lot to work through but she wasn’t gonna keep him from having a relationship with his son.
“Of course buddy, but can I tell you something?” she picks him up placing him on her hip as he nods. “Luke is actually your daddy which means he's gonna be around all the time to take care of you”
“And play?” both parents laugh at the little boy.
“Yes and play would that be okay?” Landon shakes his head so fast putting his arms out for Luke to take him. He’s fast gathering the boy into his arms and hugging him to his chest.
“Charlie I’m so sorry I was just scared and didn’t know what I was thinking. But now I know that all I want is you and him and a family. You were always going to be my forever and I know we have things to work on but I’m here to fight for you, for both of you” tears were building up in both of their eyes. No words were needed as she makes her way over to the love of her life and son pressing her lips to his. They had a lot to work on but this was forever and no one was going anywhere.
#luke hemmings#luke hemming imagines#5sos#5sos imagine#5sos preference#5sos preferences#5sos one shot#luke hemming one shot
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Vestige - Interlude: The Party
Wattpad Version
As the night fills the sky
All my fears are dissipating
'Cause I feel reassured
That I might make it through
And if all my luck should burn
Then I guess it burned for you
---
April 13th, 2012
I was sitting on my bed, back against the bed frame with my knees raised in front of me, holding up my laptop. I had been spending the last few hours writing an essay for my English class, specifically answering the topic question my teacher had given everybody: "How do our past experiences influence our decisions?". The question was simple enough, it's a pretty universally recognized idea that stuff that happens to us has an effect on our decision making. I mean, that's what it means to grow, right? You gain more knowledge as you live through life and form new memories, and that helps you make more informed decisions in the future.
I've never really been too good at writing anything analytical, especially non-fiction. Essays and research papers that required informed arguments that helped to prove your point? Those were an entirely unknown game to me, one which I had never managed to breeze through. Of course, we were supposed to use some of the books we've read this year as evidence for our arguments, so that at least made it a bit easier, even if most of the books were ones from nearly five decades ago and definitely out of touch at this point. The sound of my laptop's keys clicking as I typed away were the only sounds I could pick up in the room. I had my earphones in for a bit, but those always hurt my ears after a while, so I had taken them out.
Looking at the time in the corner of my laptop screen, it was 4:43 PM. I started writing as soon as I got home from class, so I've only been going for about an hour. Unfortunately, this essay is a non-insignificant amount of my course grade, so I needed to finish this as soon as possible.
God, it's a Friday! I could be out doing something actually fun with Shae and the other guys. Isn't that the whole point of high school? That's what it always seemed like in movies, at least, but I guess I've been a victim of false advertising.
After a bit more time passes, the sound of my phone ringing from my desk brings me out of my writing trance. I sigh, setting my laptop next to me on the bed, not wanting to get out of bed, but eventually forcing myself into maneuvering over to the desk, I grab the phone and flip it open, looking to see the Caller ID.
Shaela.
I instantly accept the call, it's almost second nature at this point. She calls me at least once a day so she can tell me about whatever person is pissing her off that day, or whatever drama she's heard from her other friends. I was never really one for gossip, or whatever, but I did appreciate talking to her.
I put the phone up to my ear, "What's up?" I say, a tinge of fatigue in my voice.
"Hey! Just warning you that I'm like five minutes from your place and you don't have a say in the matter." She replied bluntly. I can hear the sound of cars driving by on the other side of the phone, so she's obviously outside, confirming her words.
I take a deep breath before speaking, "...Why?" I said with exasperated sarcasm.
"Because! I have something to tell you, and if I say it over the phone then I seriously doubt it'll work out in the way I'm hoping it does."
"That clears up nothing, actually, and now I regret picking up."
"Even if you didn't answer, that doesn't stop your parents from letting their son's lovely goody-two-shoes of a friend stop by for a visit!" She exclaimed, a mischievous tone subtly layered in her voice.
She's not wrong.
"Wow, you make this sound like you're sneaking into a high-security building or something." I say, utterly confused at her motives. "Obviously you can come over, but I'm not exactly filled with confidence at whatever you're planning."
"Like I said, I can't tell you yet, but it's gonna be awesome!" She said. There was an unusual perkiness to her that made itself pretty clear over the phone.
Before I can say anything, I'm met with the dial tone, signalling that she had hung up. The only thing I can do at this point is wait for her to get here, I guess. She always lets herself in when she comes over, so I don't make the effort to meet her downstairs. A sudden ping sound fills the quiet room, seeming to come from my laptop. I get back into bed, looking to see where the notification came from.
It's a message from Tyler.
He's definitely the newest member of our little group, if even that. I'm the only person in the group that he's actually friends with so far, despite my efforts to bring him along on any plans we all make. I only met the Grey Wolf back in February, at the beginning of the second semester, in the school's photography class. Nobody I knew signed up for it, and due to our prestigious high school's advanced budget for technology, we were forced to be paired up for shared computer use in the Photography Room. I suppose Tyler was also fortunate enough to not know anybody in the class, as we ended up being paired together by the teacher. He was definitely someone I could only describe as uninterested, as the first week or two I spent with him in that class consisted of him either giving me one word answers or answering in the most blunt, bored tone he could manage. Though, it seemed that it took a bit of persistence on my part to push him to be more open, and since then he's grown to be a pretty great friend.
Tyler: u goin to that party tonight ive been hearin about?
Party? I wasn't made aware of anything like that, at least... not yet. Something in the back of my brain was telling me that Shae had ulterior motives about coming to my place so suddenly, but I'm still hoping that I'm wrong. I hate parties.
Jake: party? havent heard anything, are u going?
Tyler: thinkin about it
think its gonna be over at chris's place, guess his parents r gone for the weekend or somethin
Jake: chrisssss? ughh that guy is such an asshole
Tyler: yeah u dont havee to go, but itd prob be more fun to have someone u actually know there
The way he worded that was directed at me, but I could tell he didn't want to go on his own.
Jake: i guess ill think about it
Tyler: sickk, call me if u make up ur mind
Before I can type my farewells over IM, Shaela energetically bursts through the door.
"Jesus! You scared the shit outta me, don't you knock?" I said, mildly exasperated.
"Oh come on, I literally called you a few minutes ago, you had plenty of time to not make a situation where it'd be a bad idea for me to barge in," She replies, laughing, before setting her bag on the ground and dramatically falling into my bed. "Today was garbage."
"What happened?"
"Ugh, Claire decided to just not show up, I guess, on the day we're supposed to present that stupid History project? And, obviously, she didn't give me her part of the project or anything, so I had tell Mr Thomas about the situation, which was fucking embarrassing." She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Luckily, he said he wouldn't reduce my grade for handing it in late, since I actually had my part finished. God, what a bitch- I must've called her like thirty times before class to get her to email me her part, and every time it went straight to voicemail - and she told me last night that she'd have it ready for today!"
"Have you gotten a hold of her yet?" I asked, closing my laptop and setting it beside me.
Shae turns her head to me, shaking her head, "Nope, she's been ghosting me all day."
"Sounds like typical Claire."
"Yeah, I shouldn't have partnered with her, but apparently I can't say no to anyone, so..." I chuckle lightly in response. "Anyways! I didn't just come here to complain to you!" She says, sitting up on the bed, now facing towards me.
"Right... So what was so important that you just had to tell me in person?" I say, sarcastically.
"Like I said, if I asked you over the phone you would've definitely said no, and my ability to pressure you into doing things isn't as effective unless it's in person!" She responded.
I subtly rolled my eyes, but it's clear she noticed from the stare-down she gave me, "Okay, so what is it?"
"Soooooo..." She says, trying to find the rest of the words, "There's a party."
Wow.
"Wh- did everybody know about that party except for me?!?" I exclaimed.
Shaela's face quickly turns to an expression of shock, "Who told you?"
"Tyler did, like, not even five minutes ago." I say, bluntly.
"What? How does he know Chris?"
"Friend-of-a-friend, I'm guessing?"
"Hmm..." She hummed, thinking about something, "So, did you tell him you were going?"
"I specifically said I'd think about it, nothing definite." I made it clear in my tone that I wasn't particularly interested.
"Oh, come on, dude! It'll be fun!"
I didn't really have an interest in going, but I know it'd make Shae happy, plus it'd be nice to hang out with Tyler again even if we've only known each other for a couple months.
"...Fine. But, if Chris or any of his buddies start shit, I'm leaving."
"Awesome!"
"Lemme just call Tyler and let him know," I said as I grabbed my phone and flipped it open, finding Tyler in my contact list and dialling.
"You gonna bring him with-" The phone rings a few times before he picks up and I extend my hand out towards Shae in a shushing motion. She rolls her eyes, smirking.
"Hey? So are ya gonna go?" He said eagerly.
"Well, Shae showed up at my door literally right after you messaged me, asking the same thing!" I exclaimed in a fake-preppy voice. "So, I guess I have no choice since she'll probably just drag me there if I say no," I joked. She nods her head toward me in response.
"Oh, is she going too?" He inquired.
"Yeah, I guess so! Your place is kinda on the way to Chris', so we could probably meet you at your place and go from there."
"Yeah! Sounds good!" He quickly responded.
I laughed, "Okay, we'll call you when we get there?"
"Sure thing!"
We exchanged our farewells, and hung up. The party wasn't for at least another hour or two, so Shae and I had some time to burn, of which I was entirely out of ideas. I figured I could at least spend this time actually being productive, so I grabbed my laptop and continued on writing my English essay as Shae resumed her previous conversation topic of stuff at school that was pissing her off. It was pretty entertaining, to be fair. She was telling me about how Chris had gotten in a fight with this other kid in our grade yesterday after class, which I wasn't lucky enough to witness, but it was obviously all anyone would talk about for basically the entire day today so word spread around fast. The part I hadn't heard about was that both Chris and the other guy, Nathan, got suspended for a week because of it. Chris was generally an asshole to everybody, including myself, so I didn't feel too bad about that. Although, I didn't know Nathan all that well. Other than having a few classes together, I don't think I've ever held an actual conversation with the guy. I think it was safe to assume that Chris was the one who started it, and Shae seemed to agree with me, even though she hadn't seen the fight either.
"But, apparently Nathan's gonna show up tonight!" She exclaimed coyly.
"...Remind me again why you want me to go to this specific party?"
"You'll have a great time! It's not like we'll be involved in the drama anyway so think of it more as entertainment!"
"I think you and I have different definitions of the word 'entertainment'," I joked.
"I'm sure you can go run off somewhere with Tyler if you're not having fun," She said, her tone reminding me of my mom.
"Oh yeah? What about you?"
"I can't just leave Alex at a party with Chris, those two start shit between each other so much and I'd rather not deal with the aftermath of that today."
"I'm guessing it's safe to assume that Elliot's going too, then?"
"He's not big on parties, but he'll usually go if everyone else is, unlike somebody," She says, gesturing towards me.
"Good one," I reply, unmoving as I keep typing away at my assignment.
"Well, we should probably leave soon since we're stopping at Tyler's place on the way.
I saved the document I had been working on, closing my laptop. "Sounds good to me!"
---
"I can't believe you actually agreed to go." Tyler joked as we walked towards the road from his house.
"Yeah, me either." I replied. I definitely didn't put in any effort in dressing up for the party, opting for a snug space-themed graphic tee, along with black jeans and a white zip-up hoodie. Shae and Tyler both stand on opposite sides of me as we walk down the sidewalk.
"Luckily I learned the subtle techniques in convincing you to do things against your better judgement, so now you get to have fun for once!" Shae exclaimed.
"It's not my fault that going to a party is literally the last thing on earth I'd do for fun in any normal situation." I retorted, putting my hands in the pockets of my jacket.
"Oh yeah? And what do you consider a 'normal situation'?" Shae asks.
"Any situation where you guys aren't the ones trying to get me to go! I'm only doing this for you two, y'know." I said, looking over at both of them.
"What about Elliot and Alex?" Tyler chimed in.
"They aren't the ones asking me to go to this party." I sarcastically remarked, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted. "Speaking of the party- this is Chris we're talking about, there's gonna be beer, right?"
"Uh, duh?" Shae replied.
"Yeah, that's a definite no for me, I'm already enough of a disappointment to my parents,"
"No one's making you drink, Jake. At least you'd be safe if some old hag called the cops about the noise." Shae said.
"I think at that point we're guilty by association, so we'd just make a run for it if that happens," Tyler joked.
"Dude, the chance of me outrunning a police officer successfully is about as likely as me not wanting to punch Chris tonight."
"And the chance of you winning that fight is just as low!" Shae retorted, Tyler laughing in response.
"I specifically said 'want' because of that very reason!"
"Wow, I'd pay money to see you fight that guy." Tyler said, nudging his elbow into my side.
It isn't a secret that I'm not exactly athletic. I mean, I'm definitely not weak, but fighting basically any animal of a similar size to mine was not a situation that favoured my victory.
"That sounds more like just getting the shit kicked outta me for your entertainment." I remarked, lightly punching Tyler's shoulder in return.
"Absolutely worth every penny!" Shae exclaimed. Luckily, the place wasn't any more than ten minutes away from Tyler's place, so I didn't have to endure listening to these two talk about me getting beat up for much longer.
We finally make it to Chris' house, and I'm suddenly filled with an impending sense of regret. Obviously, my parents would never in a million years agree to me going to a party like this. As far as they know, I'm just spending the evening hanging out with Shae at Tyler's house. So yeah, this entire night had a lot of potential for disaster.
Shae can clearly see my hesitation, because she grabs my hand, leading me up the walkway, Tyler following closely behind.
"I wonder if Elliot and Alex beat us here?" She says, knocking on the front door.
"I doubt they had anything to do earlier, hell they probably came straight here after school, knowing Alex." I said, laughing.
Our conversation is cut short by the opening door, revealing the familiar black cat.
"Oh, look, the Stephenson kid brought his girlfriend!" Chris exclaimed mockingly, looking back into the house, before peering around my shoulder, "And... Tyler?" He said, inquisitively.
I lean over, blocking Tyler from his line of sight, "Yeah, hey, not dating by the way!" I said. I've known Shae since I first moved to Vestige, around the time I turned five years old, so it wasn't uncommon for rumours to go around that we were dating. I've always thought of her more as a sister, if anything.
"I asked them to come!" Tyler said. That was only partly true, but according to Tyler, they've been 'somewhat-friends' for quite a while now, so saying that would at least mean less mild-harassment from Chris for tonight.
"Oh, uh, okay... come on in! But you're on the hook for any shit they pull, Tyler!" He said, opening the door wider.
---
The party had been going on for a few hours at this point. I could recognize most of the animals here from school, but not enough to actually hold a conversation with any of them, so most of my time here had just been spent with Shae and Tyler. The place hasn't been incredibly crowded luckily, but there were easily about forty others in this part of the house alone. I'm assuming only high school grades were invited, but there were a considerable number of students to meet that requirement. The issue at hand for me, other than how crowded this place is, is that both Shae and Tyler ditched me to go... somewhere? I think Shae saw some of her friends and went somewhere with them, but Tyler was pretty secretive about where he was going, only telling me that he'd be back in a bit. So I've been standing here in this random corner of the house with a drink in hand, trying to make myself look busy and not awkward, which is exactly why I didn't want to go to this party in the first place!
"Jake!" A voice shouted from a ways away.
I turn my head in confusion, revealing Alex, walking towards me from across the room.
"Oh, Alex! Hey! What's up dude!" I finish the last bit of my soda, waving at him. Because this was Chris' party, there was obviously beer too, but I didn't feel like coming home drunk and my parents finding out.
"I didn't think you'd wanna come to something like this! Feeling the regret yet?"
"I like parties! It's the times like these when I'm standing in a corner by myself with nothing to do that I hate, which seems to happen every time I go to a party!" I exclaimed, pausing for a moment. "Okay, maybe I do hate parties- I've had to explain this so many times today I'm about ready to jump into Lake Ambuscade."
' "Wow, sounds like somebody needs to socialize instead of stewing in a corner for the rest of the night!"
"Socialize? Really? I know just about everybody here and just about none of them are worth talking-"
"Hang with me and Elliot, then? Justin set up some racing games in the other room, we were gonna join, but we could use a fourth... You in?" He said, his tone obviously trying to sound coercing.
"God, please, anything to get me out of this corner for the next three hours." I said, Alex returning my words with a laugh.
"Well, come on then! We'll have to hurry if we want to get one of the good controllers!" He exclaimed, motioning to follow him.
As we move through the various cliques, I recognize a few faces here and there, though not enough to actually want to talk to them. There's been music playing since we got here, and I have yet to recognize a single song, they all seem to be some form of drone-y bass-heavy music that I can't say I've heard in any normal situations. I'm doing my best to follow Alex, although he keeps weaving between the other animals faster than I can keep up, resulting in me having to shove past everyone near me in an effort to speed myself up. Luckily, it seems that no one notices me anyway.
When we arrive in the other room, it seems to just be another living room, but decorated with a galore of punk band posters, shelves holding more DVD cases than I would ever care to count, and even a mini-fridge. Maybe Chris is the type to have a 'man cave' or something? Just hearing that phrase almost makes me want to vomit, but there aren't any more accurate words that come to mind. The room isn't massive or anything, but the TV resting upon the wall across the room seems to challenge that idea, looking almost eighty inches in size. Luckily no randoms from the party were in here, sitting about ten feet away from the TV is Elliot, leaning back in a purple bean bag chair that seems almost three times bigger than him, and Justin, the cougar I'd only known slightly through Alex, laying down sideways on the couch directly in front of the gigantic screen.
"Whatttt! You took the bean bag chair? Lameee..." Alex whined.
"You're the one who wanted to go get Jake, you snooze you lose!" Elliot retorted, looking oddly proud of himself.
"Damn, wish I had a room like this at my house..." I mumbled, looking around the room.
"Are we gonna play or what?" Justin said, cutting through the momentary silence.
"Duh!" Alex claimed.
Justin sits up, taking the spot on the couch closest to Elliot. I opt for the leftmost seat, and Alex sits in-between the both of us. Elliot grabs the other three controllers and tosses them over at us, one by one. Luckily, there weren't any garbage third-party controllers, so at least none of us would have to deal with that. I will admit, it did feel kinda weird going to someone's party just to play games away from everybody, but I would be lying if I said I didn't prefer that, even though I rarely play games, if ever.
After Justin turns the console on, he goes through the menus, launching the game. I can't say I recognize the title, but it seems to be a pretty standard racing game. He goes into the custom mode, opting for a four-player split-screen match, choosing 'R1' as the category of cars to race in. As everyone chooses their cars, I scroll through the list, not really knowing what to pick. I've never been good with car stuff, so I pick an 'Aston Martin Lola' just based on the number-rating system the game ranks the cars with.
"You guys ready?" Justin asks.
"Oh yeah, get ready to eat my dust you guys!" Elliot exclaims, challengingly.
"Oddly prideful words for someone about to lose!" Alex replies, laughing.
The countdown begins, as the cameras slowly show the view of each car as it moves to the rear. When it starts, I somehow manage the fuckup of spinning my tires out, leaving me a few seconds behind the others as the car swerves back and forth. I curse under my breath as I try to regain control of the car, and swiftly pick up speed. The track seems like nothing I haven't seen before, a typical professional track, with rows and rows of audience seating to the side. Unfortunately, I'm now in last place. The next few moments of the track are a few quick corners, allowing me the chance to catch up, at least a little.
Unexpectedly, the track turns off of the main road, going into a forested area. The road is considerably more narrow at this point, so it takes a conscious effort to not drive into the trees by the asphalt. It looks like the road stretches on forever, as I still can't make out any upcoming turns. I guess the car I chose for the race had a better top speed than Justin's, as I'm quickly catching up to him, moving into third place. I'm gripping my controller to an uncomfortable degree, but I can't seem to relax the tension as I try to make my way into second place. I don't think I can pick up any more speed in this car, so me moving up is reliant on the road staying straight for just a bit longer. After what feels like a lifetime, the front of my car finally starts making it past Elliot's, then the midsection, and finally, I'm in second. The sound of all four car engines is drowning out any remnants of the video game music, and I feel the sudden urge to curse out whoever turned the TV volume up this high. My eyes are focused entirely on Alex's car as I make my final push into first place. If I were actually driving this fast in the real world, I'd be scared out of my fucking mind. Out of nowhere, Alex, and the others, begins to slow down considerably.
Oh fuck.
It's at that point I notice that there is a sharp right turn rapidly approaching. I've been pushing the top-speed of this car since the beginning of this stretch of road, and now I'm going too quickly to stop in time. What's the button to use the handbrake, again? I figure that the only way for me to not fuck up this race for myself is to try to drift around the corner. Considering I've never played this game before, it's going to prove to be a challenge. But, it's either that, or just ending up in dead-last again.
I hold down the A button, and pull the joystick as far to the right as possible. Suddenly, all I can hear from the game is the loud skidding sounds of my tires against the asphalt. To my surprise, I cut the corner a bit early, now going over the grass. I try to do a bit of directional-corrections and start heading back onto the track. Going over the grass definitely slowed me down a fair bit, but it definitely was a significantly better outcome over just crashing into the wall. And, to my surprise, the corner of my screen reads... first?!?
"How the fuck...?" Alex questions, seemingly in disbelief.
"I wish I could tell you." I replied, eyes wide at whatever the fuck just happened.
The distance I managed to gain on Alex isn't by a whole lot, but there's only about a quarter of the track left before we reach the finish line, so I have a chance at winning this. The track hurriedly changes from the forest as it reenters the main track. The long, straight roads seem to end as the road becomes a slow series of sharp turns, never giving me the opportunity to get back up to speed. It seems like the high top speed was my only advantage, because at every corner we take, I turn my camera around, revealing the other cars inching closer and closer to me.
I can see the finish line on the mini-map, just a few more turns away. I know that I'm not gonna be able to distance myself from Alex and the others at this point, so my only feasible strategy is to keep moving, cutting the corners as fast as I can, and getting to the finish line before they can pass me. Unfortunately, Alex's car seems to be getting too close for comfort now, meaning I might have to take some risks to ensure I can stay in first. As we approach the final turn, leading into the finish line, I realise I'm gonna have to try to drift this corner. I can feel my pointer finger practically cracking the plastic on the controller from the amount of pressure I'm putting on the right trigger. In a final plea to win, I push down on the A button, pulling the handbrake. The car starts to smoothly skid around the corner. Luckily, there are barriers on the sides of the road this time, preventing me from sliding onto the grass. To my surprise, the drift seems to work better than expected. That is, until, like the fucking idiot I am, make a slight overcorrection towards the left barriers as I exit the drift. I managed to avoid driving directly into the wall, but it did slow me down a bit.
Alex is immediately behind me, and I put all of my strength into accelerating towards the finish line. I'd be fucked if I broke the controller, cause I can't really afford the fifty dollars to buy a new one, but winning this race is more important to me at the moment. The finish line is only about five-hundred metres away, and Alex is slowly beginning to pass. All I can do at this point is push the gas as much as I can, and pray that I can cross the finish line before he can get back into first place. The finish line gets closer and closer, and it seems like it's gonna be too close for me to accurately tell the winner. I can feel my heart pounding in my chest from how stressful this fucking game has been, and now, we're about to find out whose efforts paid off. As each car makes its way over the finish line, each of our dedicated sections of the screen turns to slow motion. When it's finally over, the text fades in on each screen, revealing our place...
...
...
...Second?!?
"FUCK!" I shouted, realising I had been holding my breath since the final stretch of the race.
"HA! Dude, you suck!" Alex exclaimed, playfully shoving me.
"I think that was the most effort I've put into anything in my life." I said, setting my controller on the coffee table in front of me.
"Wow, that's dramatic," Justin remarked.
"Yeah, that's the usual for Jake," Elliot replied, laughing.
"You probably woulda won if you picked a better car, dude. That track was way too close-quarters so you should've gone with a car with better acceleration." Alex said.
"Wha- do you own this game?" I questioned, looking accusatory.
"...Yeah? It came out a few months ago, pretty popular right now." He replied.
"Ugh, this is what I get for playing with a bunch of gamers." I exclaimed, applying a disgusted tone to the last word.
"Not my fault you only play like one game a month!" Alex joked.
"Even then, I was like this close to beating you anyway!" I said, gesturing a minuscule distance between my thumb and pointer finger.
A voice interrupts our argument, coming from right outside the room, "Uh huh...
...
Really? That's bullshit! Come on...
...
Dude, give me a couple of days, I'll make it right!
...
Yeah, I swear."
It seems that we all stopped talking to listen in at the same time. "That sounds like Tyler... who's he arguing with?" Elliot asked. I can't make out the voice of whoever he's talking to, it just sounds like mumbling.
They seem to pause for a moment, and the sound of a single set of footsteps can be heard.
"Fuck..." Tyler says to himself, still out of view.
"...I should probably see what's up, you guys can keep playing without me." I say, getting up from my spot on the couch.
"Yeah, you do that! Less competition for me," Alex exclaims, laughing to himself.
"Hey, I can still beat your ass at this game, I know exactly which car to pick this time!" Elliot argued.
"Yeah, right! Guess we'll find out!"
I leave as the three start up another game, kind of glad I don't have to have another near-heart attack from playing again. When I get back into the dimly-lit hallway, Tyler is nowhere to be seen.
I look around, heading into the main room of the house to see if I can spot him. It's pretty difficult to see anything, because of how dim it is here, plus the sheer amount of animals crowding up the place. Despite that, I manage to spot the Grey Wolf a ways away, hurrying quickly into the bathroom.
As I shove my way through a few groups of teens, I almost fall over a few times, gaining confused stares from a few in the room. I lightly knock on the bathroom door, waiting for a response, "Hey, you okay Tyler?" After a few moments, I'm returned with no answer, "...Tyler-" Before I can finish my sentence, Tyler swiftly pulls open the bathroom door, pulling me in and shutting the door behind me, before sitting down on the side of the bathtub. As I'm about to say something, I hear the sound of him sniffling.
...Is he crying?
He's looking towards the floor, so I can't confirm it visually, but the sound definitely gives it away.
"Whoa, what's wrong? Did something happen?" I asked worriedly, not yet choosing to bring up the argument we overheard.
There's a few seconds of silence as he tries to bring himself together, not very successfully. "I- I... I don't- I don't think I can-"
"It's fine, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I tried to reassure him. He raises his head for a moment to look at me, trying to find words to say, instead opting to go back to crying, head in his hands. I've never been good with situations like this, so I sit down next to him, putting my hand on his upper back, softly patting.
"I'm sorry- I'm a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have asked you to come."
"Hey! I've been having fun! Don't worry about me, it seems like you're the one who shouldn't have come." I joke, in some effort to lighten the mood.
Shit, was that inconsiderate of me to say?
To my surprise, he manages to let out a light laugh, "Yeah, I'm starting to realise that."
"...Do you wanna leave, then? They know I didn't want to go here in the first place, so you could just say you're being nice and walking me home." I didn't know if he would actually take up that offer, but I know some guys have a weird thing about not wanting to seem 'uncool' and leaving a party early was definitely considered that.
He thinks for a moment, still sniffling pretty noticeably. "...okay, just- give me a minute, I don't want to go out there looking like this." He mumbles, looking towards the door.
"Yeah, that's fine." I said, continuing to rub around his neck area.
This definitely wasn't how I expected the night to go. But it was a sort of 'two-birds-with-one-stone' kind of situation. I get to help out Tyler, which is usually the other way around, I get to leave early, and hopefully Shae stops bugging me about going to parties, at least for a while.
Now that I think about it, that analogy is pretty messed up.
A few silent minutes go by as I sit next to the still-crying Tyler, waiting for him to recollect himself. Even though he hasn't actually said anything here, in the two months I've known him, this is probably the most vulnerable I've ever seen him. When I first met him, it was pretty accurate to describe him as the kind of guy who acts like he never feels emotion. Hell, even I refuse to be open about my feelings, but most of my friends see through that nowadays. Even now, I don't really understand why I do that. I guess it's just easier to not talk about shit like that? Is that why Tyler does it?
"I think I'm good now," He said, shaking his hands as he stood up.
"Okay, let's get out of this dumpster fire." I sarcastically remarked. Tyler shot me a confused look in return. "Whatever, let's just go."
I open the bathroom door, grabbing his arm as I lead him out into the main room. Almost immediately the voice of a certain black cat perks up behind us.
"Oh? And what did you two get up to in there?" Chris remarked, laughing, "I didn't know you guys were THAT kind of friends!"
God damnit. This stupid fucking feline.
"Yeah, it's too loud out here for me, I needed a break, he came with." I explained, Tyler standing closely behind me with a confused look on his face. Just roll with it, dude, I think to myself, knowing I probably shouldn't say that out loud.
"You know, I would believe that, but normal guys actually just go outside when they need a break." He replied.
"Well, hey! That's where we're going right now, so it all checks out!" I say in the bitchiest voice I can muster.
"Heh, sure thing, Jake." He said, sounding weirdly satisfied with himself. I didn't want to spend any more time in this fucking house than I needed to, especially while talking to Chris, so I continue on, pulling Tyler by the hand towards the exit. After a few moments, we make it to the front door. I promptly open it and we both head outside.
We're immediately greeted by the light of the moon and the starry sky as we head down the walkway toward the street. One of the few benefits of living in such a backwater town was the absence of any significant light pollution. I've been to Portland a few times for school field trips and such, and seeing the sheer difference in visible stars was absolutely staggering. I could only imagine what it would be like to go stargazing in the middle of nowhere.
"At least it's a nice night out." I said.
"Yeah..." Tyler replied, his mind clearly in a completely different place.
"I should probably tell Shae where we went, so she doesn't freak out trying to find us back there." I joked, pulling out my cell phone. Texting on my flip phone was an arduous task, but I didn't want to call her, so I had not much of a choice.
I send the text, and close my phone, returning it to my pocket. As we walk down the road, we stew in the silence, the only auditory sounds coming from the party still close by, and the local crickets chirping.
I won't lie, as much as I usually appreciate quiet, this is the loudest silence I've ever been stuck in. It goes on for more than five minutes. I could tell he wanted to say something, and I was eager to find out whatever was going on that started this in the first place. But, like the coward I am, I try to lighten the mood.
"Hopefully that satisfied your quota of me going to parties with you for a while, cause I do not plan on having the energy for something like that again for at least a few months." I said, awkwardly laughing. He doesn't respond, at least for a while, as he raises his hand, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "...Uhh, are you sure you don't wanna talk about it? I mean-"
"Can I tell you something?" He interrupted, his voice still cracking like it was in the bathroom.
"...Sure?" I replied, slightly confused.
"It's just that- I don't really know- like what-"
"-to say? Just think for a minute. No rush." That's what my dad always says whenever my mind spirals. I used to be really anxious, although I've been getting better at controlling my thoughts in the past few years.
When I went to text Shae a few minutes ago, my phone's clock read 9:48 PM. I'm supposed to be home at ten and we're still at least twenty minutes away, not even including the detour we'll take to get to Tyler's place. Which brings me to the realisation that, when we get to his house, I'm gonna have to walk the rest of the way home by myself, in the dark. If I get murdered by some serial killer this late at night I'm gonna fucking haunt Shae from the afterlife-
"I think I'm gay," He quickly says, his voice holding a noticeable increase in energy compared to what I've been used to tonight.
Well... can't say that's exactly what I was expecting. Was I expecting anything in particular? I honestly don't know anymore. His words took me by surprise, my brain is kind of scrambled right now. I look over at him - he's looking back at me, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I did my best to conceal any facial reaction, but it's pretty clear that my lack of a response is starting to become noticeable.
"...You... think?"
"Well, like- I don't know. I guess I've just been thinking for a while, and it makes sense... all things considered." He replied anxiously.
"That- That's great! Does anyone else know?"
"I only really realised a few weeks ago, so... no. But compared to anyone else, I probably trust you the most to not like- tell anyone?" He said, looking over at me again.
"Well, I appreciate the completely undeserved confidence you have in me," I joked, realising too late that now probably isn't the time for that, "Yeah, I promise I won't tell anyone."
"Thank you," He replies, a genuine smile strewn across his face.
A few minutes go by as we walk down the road, absorbing the positive energy we created. Having only known Tyler for a little over two months, it definitely surprised me knowing that he trusted me more than anyone else to keep a secret like that... I mean, despite the short amount of time since I met him, I'm as close to him as I've been to Shaela for the past eight years. Maybe even closer? I barely even tell Shae about my actual problems, at least the non-surface level stuff. So yeah, I guess it makes sense that he would trust me with something so important, I know I would absolutely trust him if it were me in that situation.
"...So, do you think you're gonna tell your dad?"
He didn't say anything for a moment as he stared down at the ground beneath him, "I'll probably have to tell him soon, if he has to find out from some asshole that isn't me it'd make it ten times more difficult than if I just said it myself."
I agreed, and we let the conversation cut itself off as we finally approached Tyler's house. I followed him up the walkway and stood on the patio, making sure he actually got inside. He tries the doorknob eagerly, to no avail. Realising that it was locked, he reaches into his pocket for his key - again, to no avail.
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," Tyler mumbled under his breath, clearly done with tonight. All of the lights were off in the house, signalling that his dad was not awake.
"Maybe you'll wake him up if you knock? Then he can let you in."
"Nonono, he thinks I'm staying at your place! If he finds out I went to a party I'm in deep shit," He whispered.
Of course. If I had to lie to my parents, why would I expect anything different from anyone else?
"Okay, uhh... maybe we can make that lie... not a lie?" I said, sounding weirder than I'd like.
Tyler looked at me, confused for a moment, eyes widening as he realised what I meant, "I can't let you do that, I've already forced you through too much shit tonight."
"Oh, come on, of course you can sleep at my place for the night! My parents think I'm at your house right now, so I can just tell them that we both went over there early in the morning. They love you anyway, so it won't be a problem!"
He didn't move at all, still looking reluctant, "Are you sure it won't be... weird? I don't want to put you in an awkward situation cause of w- what I told you."
"Dude, that couch in my room has a hide-a-bed if you don't want to share mine. Either way, we're friends, aren't we? I trust you."
After a few moments of silence, he speaks up, "...I guess so-"
"Great, then it's settled!" I said, putting my arm around his shoulder as I led him back down the walkway.
---
Once we make it to my place, walk up the creaky wooden steps of my patio as I fish the house key out of my pocket. Tyler's standing closely behind me, looking awkward as ever, clearly not knowing what to do with his hands as he switches between putting them in his pockets and clasping them together.
I turn the key on the lock and try the door, noticing that It's completely pitch black inside the house. My parents usually go to bed at 10 PM, and it was well past that at this point. I lock the door behind us as I reach for my pocket, grabbing my phone and flipping it open to use as a barely-useful flashlight. I take Tyler's wrist as I lead him through the furniture of my living room and up the stairs. The only sounds in the house come from the soft ticking of a clock in the kitchen, the sound of which has always freaked me out whenever I'd come downstairs at three in the morning. Despite my best efforts to be as quiet as possible, the old wooden boards of the stairs prove my effort to be futile as they creak with every step. I can only hope that both of my parents have fallen asleep by now, or else they'd definitely have heard us. As I take Tyler down the hallway, walls strung with various family photos and art fit for a motel, I hear no sounds coming from the master bedroom, relaxing some of my tension.
Once we make it to my room, I breathe a sigh of relief as I turn on the overhead light, hoping my mom doesn't find out and try to lecture me in the morning, "Okay, hide-a-bed or mine, your choice!"
"Hide-a-bed." He replies.
"Sure thing, lemme show you how to set it up," I say as I remove each couch cushion one by one. The couch is sitting directly under my massive bedroom window, illuminated by the glow of the moon. Under the cushions is a black folded-up contraption, bearing a metal handle. I grab the handle and start pulling the bed out from the couch. As the first section of the bed comes out, Tyler stands next to me and helps unfold the second section, and finally the third.
I move over to open the closet door, "I have some spare pillows and blankets in here."
"So, why do you have a spare bed... thingy... in your room anyway?" He asked.
"My cousins' family came to visit from the other side of the country a few years back, so my parents made the cousins stay in my room and gave me our old couch that used to be in the living room. They were here for like two weeks, it was fucking awful," I remarked, pulling a comforter out of the closet and unfolding it out on the mattress.
"That sounds miserable," Tyler sympathized.
"It was, but hey, now I got a sick as fuck couch in my room! And it works as a great place for certain friends to sleep when they wanna spend the night," I said sarcastically, looking over at Tyler as I grabbed the pillows from the closet, tossing them to one end of the bed.
He turned his head, baffled, "Was that a dig on me?" He questioned.
"Depends on how you took it I suppose," I replied, smiling cunningly.
"You're the one who offered, dude- are you sure you didn't drink at the party? You've at least doubled your usual level of sarcasm." He retorted.
"Nope, unless somebody spiked my soda!" I joked, but the realisation slowly set in, "Oh shit- maybe someone spiked my soda?!?"
"Don't freak out, I seriously doubt someone would spike your drink,"
"God, I hope so, if my parents found out I went to that party, that'd be one thing, but if I got drunk? I doubt I'd see the outside world for months," I sighed.
"Even if you were drunk, it's not like you would still be drunk in the morning for them to find out, anyway."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," I said, letting out a yawn shortly thereafter. "Fuck, I didn't realise how tired I am." Looking at my alarm clock, it was 10:37 PM. That wasn't terribly late, I've definitely stayed up later when there was an assignment due the next day that I forgot about, but even before I met up with Alex and Elliot, that party was just wearing me down. "At least I can sleep in 'till like noon tomorrow. You sure you don't need anything before I pass out from exhaustion?"
"No, I'm okay, I think. And, thank you... Jake." He replied, smiling at me.
"No problem, dude!" I quietly exclaimed as I turned off the bedroom lights and hopped into bed. I can practically feel my muscles dissolve as I lean into the mattress, pulling the heavy blankets over me as I close my eyes.
I can't help but feel something itching in the back of my brain. I never did find out why Tyler was even crying back at the party. Was it related to what he told me after? He sounded pretty upset when he was talking to whoever it was in the hallway, too, so maybe that was why? We've already talked about so much shit tonight, though, and I definitely did not have the energy to have another huge conversation about something like that. It could definitely wait until tomorrow.
Soon, I feel my consciousness drift away, the only sound I can make out being the slow breathing of Tyler, across the room.
---
As I wake up, I'm blinded by the bright sun shining in through my windows, directly into my eyes. I glance over at my alarm clock, feeling incredibly groggy and sore, noticing that it's 11:13 AM. Usually, the latest I'd sleep in on weekends was only around ten, but I guess it took a lot of my energy yesterday to try to tune the party out. At least it's over.
I slowly sit up, yawning as I lean back against the bed frame. I glanced around the room, noticing that the hide-a-bed had been folded back into the couch, Tyler nowhere to be seen. I reach over to my bedside table to check my phone, finding an unread text from him, sent a few hours ago.
Tyler: hey
woke up early, figured youd want 2 sleep in.
will call u later, might have somthin big i wanna share, will see
A pair of oddly cryptic messages. Guess that confirms he isn't here anymore.
At least it was a Saturday, meaning that I had full permission to be a slob. I get out of bed, deciding to skip my usual shower until after breakfast. Other than the snacks that were out at the party, I ate practically nothing last night. I could almost feel my stomach turning itself inside out, so I hurried out of my room and downstairs to the kitchen to have some breakfast.
The first thing I notice when I get downstairs is my mom, sitting on the couch with a book. I head straight to the kitchen, trying not to make myself stand out.
"Jake! Finally woken up, I see." She remarked, still looking at her book.
"Hey, mom!" There's a moment of silence as I grab a bowl out of the cupboard, as well as a box of cereal, and begin to pour.
She speaks up, "Your friend, Tyler, seemed to be in a hurry to leave this morning, anything I should know about?"
"...Not that I know of? Like what?" I questioned as I poured some milk from the fridge, grabbed a spoon, and sat at the kitchen counter.
"Well, it's not like we didn't notice that you weren't home by ten like your father asked you to be, so obviously you must have a good excuse for why you didn't at least call to let us know you'd be late?" She replied. I could tell when she started talking all responsible-parent-like, it meant that she was gonna lecture me about something.
I sighed, thinking of the right thing to say. "...Well, Tyler was going through some things... so I was trying to help him with that, I guess. Time just kinda flew by and I wasn't able to get home 'till later."
"So he spent the night here? Weren't you at his house?" She asked as I ate a spoonful of cereal.
"Yeah... we went out for a bit and once I noticed how late it was I offered to let him spend the night at our house since it was closer," I said. Almost entirely a lie, but definitely preferable to the truth.
"Jake..." She said, setting her book down on the coffee table in front of the couch, walking over to me, and resting a hand on my shoulder. "You're sixteen now, obviously we don't expect you to tell us everything you're up to nowadays. But we worry about you! I worry about you. Just for future reference, please let us know if you're gonna be home late or anything like that."
"Okay, I'll keep that in mind," I said, looking up at her.
"Great! Now, I have to go meet a friend for lunch, please try not to burn the house down while I'm out!" She said as she grabbed her purse and keys off of the counter, hurring out the door.
"No promises, love you!" I said as she closed the door behind her.
Well, I guess that went... better than expected? I doubt she believed that story I made up, but I guess as long as I don't break curfew without telling them, I should be fine.
Having the house to myself wasn't totally uncommon. Considering my dad was gone during the day five days a week, and my mom would head out to go meet friends or run errands pretty often, I got some much needed alone time often enough to not go mad.
As I finish my bowl of cereal, I realise that I probably should go shower as soon as possible, considering the night I had. I put my bowl and spoon in the dishwasher and head back upstairs. I grab a towel from my room and head into the bathroom, grabbing my various fur care products out of the cabinet for after the shower. As I turn the shower on, I hear the sound of my ringtone going off in the pocket of my pants on the floor. I sigh annoyedly, walking over and trying to figure out which pocket my phone was in. When I flip open the phone, the Caller ID reads out Tyler's name.
"Tyler! What's up?" I ask eagerly, hoping to find out what the news he cryptically texted about was.
"Jake- fuck, I messed up, I shouldn't have- what am I gonna do?" He said anxiously, sounding almost out of breath.
"Hey! Slow down, what's wrong?" I questioned.
"I'm such a fucking idiot! Why did I think this would be a good idea? Jake, I'm so sorry-"
"Tyler! Calm. Down. Just take a few deep breaths," I said. After a few moments, I can hear his breathing steadying on the other side of the call. "Okay, good. Now, what's wrong?"
There's a short pause as he tries to find the right words to say. It sounds like he's been crying. What even the fuck has been the past twenty-four hours?
"Can- do you think I could crash at y- your place for a few more nights? I don't know what to do."
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Mistakes from the past- Killian Jones/Captain Hook X Fem!Reader
Pairing: Killian Jones/Captain Hook X Fem!Reader
Fandom: Once Upon A Time
Warnings: none really
Summary: Killian and the reader were in a relationship before the curse. They split up and when they meet again in storybrooke he finds out he has a daughter.
A/N: This is gonna be my attempt at writing a short series. I’m awful at writing series but I feel like this prompt deserves to be done properly and that requires dividing it into parts. Ps, as I said, I’m not that far into the show, I know he technically has two daughters already but lets assume this story doesn’t take place in that storyline. This is my own plot and storyline so I’m making up shit as I go. As I said with my previous Killian shots, I’m only trying to have fun here so if I say something wrong dont quote me on it, just enjoy the Killian content.
Also, I know the timeline of this storyline (my storyline) won’t correlate with the ouat timeline because if im not mistaken, Killian was in Neverland the majority of time before the curse after Milah died. And he only went to the enchanted forest a little bit before the curse. (I’m probably wrong but that’s what I’ve seen so far) Butttt for this, let’s say there was this year or so where he wasn’t in Neverland roughly about 6 years before the curse happened. So that’s when his relationship with Y/n happened. And this also takes place about a year or so after the curse was broken (around season 2, but not the same storyline ) because that’s around the time Killian got to storybrooke. Just clarifying, I know timelines in ouat tend to be confusing like that.
(you are here), part 2
The ever so subtle sound of wind blew in through your open window, refreshing your bedroom with the chilly Maine breeze. If it wasn’t for the rays of sunlight that sneaked their way into your bedroom you would’ve sworn it was still dawn as you were so deep into slumber. Though, such bliss was soon cut short by the sound of subtle and short footsteps making it’s way into your bedroom. You felt an extra weight on your bed as the spot next to you sunk with the weight of a small child.
“Mommy wake up!” You heard the giggly voice of your 6 year-old daughter, Anastasia Grace. Exhaling deeply into your pillow, you clutched it in your arm tightly as your muscles clenched before you allowed your muscles to relax again. Upon opening your eyes, you were met with your daughter’s ocean blue eyes. They were so innocent and pure; so intense and full of life. They were nearly as intense as his..
Sighing softly, you brought your body up into a sitting position, allowing the small child to find herself a spot on your lap. Smiling, you ran your fingers through her raven locks as you looked down at her. Pressing a kiss to her small forehead, you carefully moved her off your lap so you could get out of bed.
Stretching your full body, a soft groan escaped your lips as your muscles clenched once again and a yawn left your lips immediately after. “Morning baby. How did my little princess sleep?” You asked your daughter as she climbed out of bed followed you to your bathroom like a lost puppy. Giggling, she followed you in and out of your bathroom and out to your kitchen. You listened to her constant rambling and giggles as she retold the dream she had the previous night. As per every morning, she retold her recurring dream where she met her nameless father and you were all a happy family. Needless to say, she didn’t have what most people called a father figure, sure she had you. You were her mother and father and that was all she needed. But there was this empty void you couldn’t fill no matter how hard you tried. And it truly broke your heart to see her so excitedly talk about a nameless man she knew nothing about and so desperately wanted to know. But that wasn’t entirely your fault, of course it wasn’t. It was his.
Sighing, you tried to shake those thoughts off mind as you looked through the fridge. Well.. It was time to do groceries. Turning around to look at Anastasia, who was patiently sitting on the dining table with a coloring book, you closed the fridge and clapped your hands together, “How about we get some breakfast at granny’s?” A wide, cheeky smile made it’s way to her lips as she nodded excitedly.
“Granny’s it is,” You smiled as you grabbed her tiny hand into yours and led her upstairs to her bedroom, “Go get dressed while I take a quick shower, okay baby?” She nodded quickly and scurried off to her room. You watched as she skipped happily, giggles filling the atmosphere. Despite only being you, you couldn’t be happier to have her in your life, even if the circumstances weren’t the best. And she was your reminder that it should only be you and her. And there was no room for anyone else in your lives.
~~~~~~~~
Upon arriving at Granny’s, you were happy to see that Emma, Mary Margaret and Henry were also having breakfast. Anastasia was quick to run to their booth, letting her presence to be known. “Look who we got here. How’s our little princess doing?” Mary Margaret said with a smile as Anastasia ran to her first. Her and Emma also looked at you, smiling in your direction. You returned the gesture, taking the spot next to Mary Margaret.
“Morning.” You sighed softly, with a little bit of weariness on your tone. Upon noticing such, Emma gestured to Henry.
“Hey kid, why don’t you watch over Annie for a little bit? She hasn’t seen your for a minute.” She gestured to Henry, giving him a look and a half smile he probably understood. Henry happily complied, moving off the booth and grabbing Annie’s hand, leading her outside. Once the minors were far enough, both Emma and Mary Margaret turned to look at you with concerned eyes.
“What is it now Y/N? Did she ask again?” Mary Margaret spoke first. They were both mostly aware of your predicament when it came to Anastasia’s father. They didn’t know who he was exactly, nobody did. You choose to keep it that way for both yours and your daughter’s sake. But they knew just enough to be aware of how delicate the topic was.
Letting out a heavy sigh, you nodded shortly, “Yeah.. She just kept telling me about her dream and how she met him and how happy we all were.. Together.” You chuckled bitterly at that word. He probably had no idea what that word even meant.
“I know we’ve been over this Y/N, but, why don’t you try finding him? I mean its been, well, years, I’m sure if you talked to him now he would reconsider it.” Emma said, with a shrug. You scoffed, shaking your head with an eye roll. That would be the reasonable thing to do for most people. But he wasn’t like most people. With him, that’s the last thing you would ever do.
“You out of all people should know why I don’t want to do that. Did you look for Henry’s dad when you gave birth or when you found Henry again? No. So, for that exact reason you didn’t, I’m not going to.”
“I mean c'mon Y/N. He can’t be that bad, right?” Emma tried to argue. You exchanged looks of disbelief between Emma and Mary Margaret, who seemed to agree with Emma. You chuckled bitterly and shook your head. They had no idea who they were talking about.
“Okay so, take Henry’s dad, then multiply that by a thousand, that’s Anastasia’s father. We don’t need, nor want him in our lives. He would only hurt us. Cause that’s what he does best.” You frowned slightly as you took a sip of the coffee you had order, downing the small taste of bitterness the topic of him left down your throat. They both gave you looks of sympathy. Looks of pity even. “Besides,” You continued, “he’s not even in storybrooke. He wasn’t in the enchanted forest when the curse hit, I know that. And let’s hope for both our sakes, he never steps a foot on this town.”
~~~~~~
Killian stood on the sidewalk, in front of what he assumed was some sort of dinning. He looked around the unfamiliar town, trying to grow accustomed to the unknown land. Though, his attention was drawn into something or more like someone tugging at the end of his leather coat. Upon looking down he was met with a small child. Interesting..
“Yes child? Are you lost?” Killian asked the little girl in front of him with confusion lacing through his tone. He didn’t know much about children, but he did know children didn’t interact with strangers unless they were lost. Perhaps things were differently on this foreign land.. Still, his confusion only grew bigger when she.. smiled? When she smiled at him and shook her head. “Very well, do I know you then? Because I certainly would recall meeting a little girl like you.. And that I don’t.”
“I know you! You’re that man on my mom’s drawer. I remember you!” She exclaimed. Killian’s confusion only grew bigger by the minute. Nothing this child said made any sense to him. He was debating whether he should just walk away and dismiss this whole situation. That seemed like the reasonable thing to do. He, however, chose to humor the young girl. He slowly nodded and he crouched down to meet her intense blue eyes with his own. For a moment there, but only for a brief moment, the look in her eyes reminded him of someone.. But that couldn’t be, of course not..
“Is that so?” Killian made a humming sound, making her nod. “Well, so tell me sweetheart, how exactly am I on your mother’s drawer?”
“In an old picture! You’re with her and you’re wearing funny clothes!” She giggled at the thought then pointed to his own very, peculiar pirate looking attire. “Like those!”
Killian cocked his eyebrow in thought. Who could she possibly be talking about? Surely, it wasn’t someone from Neverland much less the Island he stayed in during the curse.. A certain someone did come to mind at the mention though, but that just couldn’t be.. There was no way.. The chances of her being in storybrooke with a child were little to none.
There was only one way to find out. “What’s your name little girl?”
“Anastasia Grace L/N.” Killian’s eyes grew a bit wide. That last name.. He knew it all to well. But no, that couldn’t be. There were countless amounts of people with that same last name. It could just merely be a coincidence. Right?
Killian took a deep breath and dared to ask the definitive question. “What’s your mother’s name?”
“Y/N L/N.”
Killian’s jaw dropped ten feet under grown and his eyes grew the size of the moon. There was no way. That couldn’t be.. It couldn’t be her.. Out of all people, it had to be her..
Standing up to his full height, Killian ran a hand through his raven hair and sighed exasperatedly. Well.. There was only one thing he could do at that point.
“Can you take me to your mother? There’s an important matter I need to discuss with her.” With a small giggle, Anastasia nodded and grabbed his hand. Hesitantly, Killian took her tiny hand into his and allowed her to lead him inside the dining. There he saw someone he thought he would never have the luck to see again.
“Y/N.”
Part 2
《As I said this is the first part of what will be a short series. Know that I had to rewrite the second half of this one three times because it wouldn’t save properly. This last one didn’t turned out exactly how I wanted to, but I really hope you enjoyed it. Part 2 will be up in a few days at most》
#killian jones imagine#killian x reader#killian jones x reader#killian jones#captain hook#captain hook imagine#captain hook x reader#once upon a time#one shot#ouat#ouat imagine#imagine#x reader
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Daughter of the Honorable Thief - Harry Hook x reader - part 6
Harry Hook x Daughter of Robin Hood!Reader
key
h/c- hair color
e/c- eye color
h/l- hair length
s/c- skin color
y/n- your name
clothing reference:
---(y/n) POV---
Ahhh, lunchtime, one your favorite times of the day. Breathing deeply through your nose as you entered the cafeteria, your eye caught the baked macaroni and cheese, just calling your name, along with the cornbread and chicken legs near it.
Oh!! (favorite beverage) sounded good too.
Erza skipped next to you, babbling about what she was going to eat. “im in the mood for something strawberry~ oh!!! Strawberry shortcake yum!!”
You snorted at her antics, “erza, real food before dessert, remember?”
Erza pouted before nodding, following you into the line of meals, glancing wistfully to the desert line. You rolled your eyes, patting her shoulder “don’t worry erza, it'll still be there when you're finished.”
The amber-eyed girl huffed, following your lead of the food choices, mac&cheese, cornbread, but getting sliced mutton thigh instead of chicken.
You turned, looking around for seats, before spotting gil waving you over, you smiled, bumping Erza then making your way over to the corner table.
“Hey guys” you cheered, sitting next to harry, erza plopping next to Uma, “ hows it going?”
Uma hummed, dipping a fry in her ranch, tossing it in her mouth. She shrugged, not really having anything to say.
“notin mush” she talked through her food, you snickered, the teal haired girl blushed and swallowed her food “hated goodness class though, it's nauseating.”
Erza snorted, “I would think so, I full hour stuff with FG and her baby talk? Just kill me now”
Uma sorted, looking down at her food. Erza wiggled her brows at you, you huffed and tossed a crumb of cornbread at her.
“Ewwww?!?! What the fuck!?!?!” Mals voice screeched, across the mess hall, Uma, gil, and harry jumped when she screamed and turned, seeing mal making a disgusted face at her oreos. You and Erza glanced at each other, before covering your mouths to prevent Mal hearing you laugh.
Harry blinked, surprised, what the heck? Glancing at Uma, he raised his brow, confused.
“Uma?” he mumbled “wha’ the hell is goin on?” Uma snicked, finally realizing what happened.
“(y/n) and Erza played more than one prank” Uma whispered, not wanting Mal to figure out anything or accuse her of the pranks.
“they also replaced the filling in Mals oreos with blended up baby wipe jelly beans~”
Harry was lucky he wasn’t drinking anything because if he was it would have squirted out of his nose, he snorted loudly, luckily not loud enough to overpower Mals screeching.
Uma reached under the table and low fived you, grinning as Harry began to wheeze. Gil was biting his lip to stifle his laughter, and you giggled, glad they enjoyed your prank so much.
“well,” Uma smirked looking at her boys, “I think that’s a good enough prank for her to be into our group, right boys?”
Harry was still wheezing, so he just gave a thumbs-up as tears ran down his face. Gil nodded, you would be a great addition to the group, you were fun!!
“thank you~” you hummed, taking a sip of your (favorite beverage), eyeing Evie as she turned to look at Harry confused, she raised a brow at you, you just shrugged, the blue-haired girl huffed and turned back to her food.
“what the hell happened’ and why is Harry wheezing?” Harriet had arrived, and she is baffled by Harry's laughter, raising her brows at her little brother.
Uma snorted, shaking her head, “Mal got pranked” Harriet nodded, slapping her bother on the back, she made her way to the food lines.
Harry finally regained his breath, “I’ve said this once and I’ll say it again, lassie, yeh just keep surprising meh”
You giggled and gave a small mock bow, seeing Harriet returning and sliding to the side slightly for her to sit.
Harriet hummed thanks and glanced around the table, raising her brow at Erza.
“who are yeh?” Erza’s eye twinkled and she leaned forward towards Harriet, you rolled your eyes, dear god erza is such a disaster lesbian.
“me~? Erza, Erza Scarlet, pleasure ta meet ya.” Erza gave a flirty grin and Harriet huffed through her nose, looking down at her food.
“sorry lassie, I got meh eye on another lass”
Erza pouted but leaned back, respectful of Harriet.
You turned to look at Uma, seeing her glance between Harriet and Erza. She locked eyes with you confused.
Ah, she's confused by Erza’s obvious gayness. “Erza’s gay, she's known that since we were kids, big ol gay crush on wonder woman as soon as she saw her”
Erza turned to you, unbothered by your easygoing outing of her sexuality as she had given you permission to do so before, “bitch don’t lie and say you didn’t have a crush on her either, you literally said you want her to crush you between her thighs”
“I’m not denying that” you teased, still grinning “I’m just saying that she was your sexual awakening”
“true true” erza nodded, Uma looked at her boys shocked, they looked back, shocked as well, they didn’t know sexuality was not really bothered with, accepted without a thought, they thought it would be like the isle.
“well,” Uma coughed, gaining yours and Erzas attention. “since we seem to be announcing our sexuality, I feel like I need to get this off my chest” you quickly interrupted, not wanting Uma to feel pressured.
“ you don’t have too, Erza and I are just comfortable with ours and pretty much everyone at the school is chill with that kinda stuff, but you don’t have to feel obligated to share your sexuality, that’s your business, your privacy.” Erza nodded rapidly, wholeheartedly agreeing with you
Uma stayed silent for a moment, glancing at her boys.
“well,” she mumbled, your mini-speech actually making her want to tell you guys even more “im okay with telling yall, as you seem to be people I can trust with it.”
You nodded, Erza grinning along, Uma softly smiled, Harry and Gil following her lead
“um alright okay…” Uma took a deep breath “Im Bi”
“sweet” you grinned, making Uma’s shoulders relax “im demi”
Uma raised her brow, “what does demi mean?”
“oh!” you didn’t know that on the isle, there were few known sexualities on the isle, I mean they were known, just not by the VKs “demi is the shortened term of demisexual, its when a person who does not experience sexual attraction unless they form a strong emotional connection with someone.”
“ah” Uma hummed, that made sense
“I think im demi too them” Gil spoke through his fries “I've never really been super attracted to somebody till I've known them for a while”
You hummed “well if you don’t know then you don’t know, there are lots of people who don’t know where they are on the spectrum and that’s okay, you don’t need a label for what you feel”
Gil brightened, wow you gave really good pep talks.
“im pan” Harry blurted, blushing slightly as you giggled, Erza joining you “wha’? why yeh laughing?”
“be-because,” you snickered “because you must have a fucking time with being attracted to anyone regardless of gender!”
Uma groaned, along with Harriet, “Oh my fucking god you don’t know the half of it!!! He's such a fucking disaster!!! He flirts with anything and everything that moves!!!”
Harry was turning scarlet, slamming his head on the table, covering his face with his arms. “oh really~?” you laughed, feeling slightly bad for Harry.
“yeah,” Uma groaned, “he's flirted with Carlos, evie, jane, Audrey, ben, everyone!!!” you burst out cackling but calmed down quickly when you saw Harry glaring at Uma.
“sorry” you coughed, Harry just nodded pouting, face still red. Uma was about to go on but you flicked her shoulder, causing her to realize she was making harry slightly uncomfortable.
“oh, sorry har” Harry just hummed, his face finally cooling down. “Is alright’ “
“well” Harriet hummed, stealing one of Harrys apple slices, he growled and swiped at her, she just snickered and brushed him off.
“That was an interesting conversation, but I’d rather we stop talking about Harrys fanatics and just go back to normal conversations”
The rest of the group agreed and continued on talking. From classes to sword-fighting styles, the six of you were quickly gaining a bond.
Then the bell rang
“well,” you stood, gathering up your tray, Erza following your lead, “time for the next class, see you later guys”
The four pirate teens nodded, standing as well and tossing their trash away.
You bumped fists with Uma and walked off with erza at your side.
“sooo~” Erza hummed, a shit-eating grin on her face “Uma's bi~”
“yep” you mumbled, tapping on your phone, texting your mother. “that means you have a chance, don’t fuck it up”
“I won't I won't”
“that’s what you said last time when we were taking the history test, and look at your score, 25 out of 100”
“fuck off hood!!!”
---end of part 6---
Comment or message me for part 7
#Descendents#descendants#disney descendants#harry hook#harry hook descendants#harry hook x reader#harry hook imagine#x reader#dotht#daughter of the honorable thief#daughter of robin hood#erza scarlet ohara
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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.
First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat.
MUN NAME: Bunny AGE: 26 CONTACT: IM & Discord
CHARACTER(S): OCs, and technically Kensei but I have neglected him as of late.
CURRENT FANDOM(S): Bleach
BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: None that I’ve actually written yet but I have an Avatar LOK AU for Miki.
MY LANGUAGE(S): English, no other languages I can fluently write in. I can read hiragana and katakana and very basic elementary kanji.
THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sports / Music / Science / Fight / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc.
PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: one-liner / 1 para / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA.
ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS (for OOC questions only) / PERSONALS (for OOC questions only) / ANONS. (for OOC/IC questions)
CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES (please do!) / NO only by Mutuals?: YES / NO.
PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: crack / casual nothing too deep / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.
IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: YES / NO.
ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT
HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / months / years. / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY I
I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS (if I know the fandom) / MULTI-MUSES / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.
DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.
ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: Tumblr IM or if you know me, discord. Once you have my discord there’s no reason to IM me really. I’m more likely to notice a message from discord than tumblr since I have discord on my phone and laptop.
WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: I mean, if we’re actively plotting something I at least expect some back and forth?? But if it’s just general spewing of shit about stuff our characters might do I don’t necessarily expect it to become a thread or anything. Sometimes I just like to scream and think about stuff with other people lmao.I don’t even really expect plotting all the time, unless you have a really good idea then I’m all for it!! totally!! I love a good plotted thread but I am also cool just going with the punches.
WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: If the person doesn’t seem into it I’ll probably just drop it? I’m not going to pressure anyone into any sort of rp they’re not vibing with, it’s fine.
HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: I love that this meme assumes I plot a lot lmfao. Uhh...I find it quite difficult to come up with a lot of different active scenarios or stories but I do frequently like to discuss what ifs between my characters and whoever I’m talking to and that often can evolve into an idea for a thread which I am all for taking places. I wouldn’t necessarily call it plotting because it doesn’t always have to turn into something, but its just fun little banter about our characters and their reactions. If I am trying to buckle down and plot I will do my best to contribute to whatever we’re trying to plan?
WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: I won’t be mad, just be like ‘hey can we drop this?’ and I’ll be like “cool”. I get that sometimes you just can’t find the words to reply to something and that’s ok. But just let me know so I’m not sitting there waiting for a reply I’m never going to get.
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: Either an natural ending of the thread or I just....can’t think of any juice to keep it going and get stuck behind a wall. I am MORE than happy to start something fresh and new when threads are ended or dropped!
- WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.
- AND WHY?: I think a lot of misunderstanding stems from a lack of communication. Do I talk OOC with ALL the people I rp with? No, but If I have concerns or questions about a thread or something we’re doing I am 100% going to talk to them about it to make sure nothing gets misconstrued. I get people get anxious but like...if you have the balls to write a character on the internet with a stranger you can send them an IM if you have a questions/concerns. None of us are mind readers, so don’t leave your partner in the dark about your thoughts and feelings. Obviously if they are writing with you they don’t hate you. 90% of us don’t bite and are just lame nerds behind a computer screen, so....
ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: I mean, I’m not going to LOVE hearing something negative but if its a valid point or concern I’m absolutely going to listen to it and try to rectify it? Problem is a lot of people thinly spew hate or baseless negativity and then thinly veil it as “criticism” that stems their personal feelings about a character than it really is anything constructive, which is a no go for me. Will I 100% always agree with how everyone else plays their characters? No, but if its not hurting anyone and they’re having fun I’m not going to say anything to them. I 100% welcome constructive criticism or tough questions! It’s one way to improve.
DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.
WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: My goal is really just to have fun and enjoy myself. The longer I am here the less I am worried about doing big deep threads or having amazing fancy graphics for that RPC clout. I’m here to have fun with my friends and play my OC that I love. Again, I don’t profess myself to be much of a writer so I’m not technically here to really further and deepen my writing skills. That sounds bad, I don’t mean to say I am adverse to improvement and I am always looking for ways or feedback that could make my storytelling better, but it is not my main goal or reason for why I rp, if that makes sense. Telling a narrative has always been something that’s been difficult for me (I HATED having to write stories in school and avoided creative writing like the plague) but I really welcome ways that could help me be better, because it hasn’t always been something natural to me.
WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: I YEARN for a good thread with a Shunsui about Miki taking over the 8th division and how she changes it since his time there. She really worries about still holding onto his legacy while also making a name for herself and differentiating herself from him and how he ran things and would really want his feedback and approval. I would also really love if there were some characters that really took an interest in the kinds of stuff she does with the things she grows in her garden and greenhouse. It is more than just “ooh, look at the pretty flowers” and it is not really something I’ve gotten to explore despite my time here.
THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: Anything gross. Rape/noncon/underage/furry or weird extreme fetish shit. I 100% do not vibe with racism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. I do not mind some darker themes but I don’t really have any interest on writing any threads where Miki is deeply deeply hurt or tortured or anything like that, which kind of falls under the gore category. Will I write her injured and do I welcome some kinds of sparring/fighting threads? Yes. But I won’t subject her to gross violence and having the shit being beat out of her. Miki is not infallible but I don’t want to write it.
WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: Starters that are too open ended, start with a general with a question and/or little scenario building. You know like the “why are you here”, “what are you doing”, “who are you” sorts of starters. They’re boring and I will most likely run out of ways to keep going with them. Set a scene for me and I will have a much easier time!
WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: That’s a good question...Miki tends to like friendly people (obviously) but also gets a kick out of interacting with cold or difficult to talk to characters (think Soi fon, Kensei, Byakuya etc) because she sees it as something of a challenge. She wants to see if she can befriend them. I also like characters that have an interesting theme or shitck .
WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: Characters that are not really in her age group (think the karakura kids). I have the most difficult time thinking about how they might even interact in a way that is not on the most superficial level. Also characters that I can’t realistically see her meeting or running into.
WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I am pretty easy to reach OOC, and once I’m in I’m in. I love talking about our characters interactions and will spam you with asks and shit if that’s what you want. I will talk all day about our characters if you let me. I will send you stupid memes. Even if I am not posting on tumblr I’m easily reached through discord. And Idk my oc is good??? maybe???
WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I would say I’m inconsistent? I know its covid times right now but I do work a full time job that takes a lot of my time and energy usually and I absolutely can’t write when I’m mentally exhausted. It won’t happen. So there may be times where you just won’t see any posting from me and it may take a long time for me to answer a thread or ask. As much as I also don’t like to label myself this way...I guess I technically do suffer from chronic pain (I have a hip malformation), and sitting is one of the things that really can exacerbate my hip and back pain meaning sometimes I just can’t tolerate sitting at my desk for very long or even sitting up in my bed which really prevents me from writing sometimes even when I want to. I wish mobile draft writing was better lol
DO YOU RP SMUT?: YES / NO/ DEPENDS.
DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.
ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO.
- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: Too much smut is boring, obviously, and I’m not really a fan of smut really just for the sake of smut and threads like that tend to die for me. And I also don’t rp smut with just anyone, there has to be an established relationship between the characters. But if it flows with the story and it makes sense for the scenario then yeah, I’m down for a good smut thread.
- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: I’m pretty vanilla and I didn’t really give Miki anything that’s really nonstandard. I’m not going to shame anyone for what they’re into or their characters but there’s just kinks I couldn’t convincing write, would be ooc, or I just would be too embarrassed. So far I have not run into anything weird though.
ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO
WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES?? / NO. Though I mean ship not in a strictly romantic ship sense. I value all ships as in friendships and other relationships, mentor mentee, etc. and it really helps drive story for both characters I think. Miki CRAVES FRIENDSHIPS!! SHE WANTS TO BE YOUR FRIEND!! LET HER!! Even negative relationships have value.
DO YOU USE READ MORE?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF (ooc stuff).
ARE YOU: Multi-ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship — Multiverse / Singleverse.
- WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?:
ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. - As long as its discussed before hand or is easily implied (say like, an 8th lieutenant).
► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.
- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: Miki is unique, I’d like to think. She is a blend of soft and gentle, but also stubborn, opinionated and desperate to prove that she shouldn’t be messed with. I basically wanted a character that just seemed like a living and breathing springtime breeze. I’m not saying necessarily that some of the tropes she holds are entirely unique to the series, but I think its the blend of all her aspects that make her different compared to other canon characters. Plus if you love that plant and flower aesthetique™ you have come to the right place. Plus she takes it further than just an aesthetic or a surface level “I like flowers” aspect of her personality. It runs so deep and she is so passionate about it in so many different ways.
- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?: Again, ones that I can’t find much of a commonality with so those who are not her age or are strictly human. Though it is not impossible to interact with humans, I prefer to develop her story within the scene of the Seireitei. Also characters that are super volatile and aggressive.
- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?: Peace, accomplishment, happiness mostly. Miki wants to be recognized for her hard work as well as desires to form positive relationships with others. She wants the Gotei to feel less disjointed.
- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?: The way they talk, their facial expressions, their eyes.
- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?: Kindness, determination, drive, sense of humor.
- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?: Plants, flowers, flower arranging, gardening, poisonous plants and their potential affects and uses, tea, shitty jokes, food, general day to day gossip, handsome men (lol), books, kido and other shinigami arts, human world stuff.
- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Math, long convoluted talks about history, people who talk too much about themselves.
- DID THEY EVER GO THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?: The thousand year bloodwar. The death of a romantic partner. The death of her mother.
- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?: It’s really hard to imagine a scenario where Miki would immediately go in for the kill zero questions asked with no context. Probably only if it’s someone known to be a threat, has done things that are terrible, and is likely to continue being a threat to others or is actively killing/about to kill someone else.
- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?: Birds. Hypocrites. Super self important people.
IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: Just roll up on her. She’s easily found in her barracks.
SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: uuuuuh she bean.
CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥
Tagged by: @bazzardburner technically but for quincy miki which I will also tweak and post there.
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Ali & Ronnie
Ali: [The day of but later] Ali: I convinced that man not to press charges or anything, the one that got involved Ali: so you don't need to worry about that Ronnie: wasnt Ronnie: tell someone who is Ali: 'course Ali: talking isn't the most useful thing for me to do right now so I'll pass Ronnie: go be useful then little girl Ali: I'm sorry he brought you Ali: that's fucked up Ronnie: course you are Ronnie: youre all well sorry now like Ali: For you, not myself, or ourselves Ronnie: no shit pity works with the rest of your brothers and sisters Ronnie: youre fucked up Ali: How so? Ronnie: show and tells over Ali: I hope it made you feel better Ronnie: bullshit Ronnie: none of you give a fuck how I feel Ali: yeah I do Ronnie: wheres it been Ali: you're meant to wait for the kid to make the first move, that's rule #1 Ronnie: if you wanna play by the rules Ali: so I've lost points, that's fine Ali: you don't want us to care, right? Ronnie: the way your family is im almost old enough to be your ma Ronnie: bit fucking late yeah Ali: You do have a solid decade on her, yeah Ali: I'm a late bloomer, clearly Ronnie: ill leave it to her to be proud Ali: a big ask, but I'll survive without Ronnie: like I said Ronnie: fucked Ali: Yeah, a fair bit Ali: nothing to shout about, or that hasn't been now Ronnie: you wanted a first move Ali: It was a choice Ronnie: nah Ronnie: a reaction Ali: That too Ali: like I said, hope it was what you needed it to be? Ronnie: ask him Ali: you just did it for Joe? Ronnie: why else Ronnie: none of you mean shit to me Ali: but he does, yeah Ronnie: connect the dots Ronnie: I bothered to carve each one out Ali: I can tell he loves you Ali: do you love him Ronnie: hes that fucking soft Ali: you do Ali: alright, that's something Ronnie: fuck you youve known him all your life and you dont Ronnie: theres no telling me how I feel Ali: I don't know him or I don't love him? Ronnie: have it both ways Ronnie: he tells it either way Ali: I probably don't know him now Ali: I'll allow that Ali: that's how he wants it so you don't have to defend him like I'm saying I do Ali: or that I'll force it, when he's been so clear Ronnie: hes the last person I can be arsed to defend Ronnie: but no shit he gets everything he wants Ali: What were you after Ali: we disown him Ali: or strongarm him into rehab and therapy Ronnie: yeah Ive got everything crossed for sobriety Ronnie: fucks sake Ali: disowning then, he's done it to us Ali: it won't happen the other way 'round, sorry to say Ronnie: give him your fucking sorry Ronnie: he was the one begging me to ruin it all Ali: close enough that he should still be happy Ali: I'm not sorry for him Ali: I already said, he shouldn't have used you like that Ronnie: thats what happens theres no fucking 💘 and 🥀 Ali: no one deserves that Ronnie: I am no one Ali: You aren't Ali: don't have to be Ronnie: people like their junkies part time or useful or repentant Ronnie: fuck that Ali: that's not your whole gig Ronnie: you don't know shit Ronnie: youre not under my skin or in my head Ali: I know enough to know that's bullshit Ali: if anyone was just their addictions and vices, you wouldn't need them Ronnie: yeah youre the smart one Ronnie: he told me Ali: He's the one at the fancy arts school Ali: how does he reconcile that with being the junkie one Ronnie: youre 16 theres no uni thatd take you yet Ronnie: happy birthday for whenever the fuck it was Ali: Thanks Ali: about a month ago Ali: extend the invite next time Ronnie: dont Ronnie: I wont show Ali: you haven't heard how great my parties are yet Ronnie: I aint a childrens entertainer Ali: be cool if you were Ali: have a heart attack when you showed up Ronnie: next time I need a few quid ill try and remember Ronnie: make you proud of me Ali: probably leave that to Joe, and your friends and fam Ali: but I know how to make balloon animals so hmu Ronnie: course you do Ronnie: youre the target market for hippy crack Ali: awh Ali: how true Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: how long you been in the youngest ones adhd meds Ali: not really my thing Ali: need to calm my brain, not stimulate it harder Ronnie: 💔 Ali: how'd you know about that Ali: doesn't seem like the sort of pillowtalk he'd be about Ronnie: i was in care i know what an kid with adhd looks like Ronnie: and theyve tried to diagnose me as everything but a west little bastard Ali: he's shit scared right now Ronnie: be fucked if he werent Ali: yeah Ali: he doesn't really know Joe Ali: was like 4 when he went to Uni so Ali: proper boogeyman shit Ronnie: mckenna will love that Ronnie: real boner for the misery Ali: someone should get something out of it Ali: he can pay for his therapy later Ali: more meds, whatever Ronnie: ill tell him to put in his will Ali: try not to die Ronnie: itd be the ultimate misery boner Ronnie: why should he stop getting what he wants now Ali: yeah, you do love him Ali: but hate him too Ronnie: 💘🥀 Ali: Is he worth it? Ronnie: youre describing freckles and the princess you know that yeah Ronnie: me and her dont share every dysfunction Ali: Nah, they don't hate each other Ali: loads of other stuff, people Ali: very them vs everyone Ronnie: she hates that she needs him Ronnie: that he makes her soft Ronnie: close enough Ali: You reckon? Ali: Hmm Ronnie: first rule of tortured kids club Ali: it's why she loves him too Ali: you'd understand if her sister had been there Ali: she's got no one to make her soft, I tried but Ronnie: gutted she werent there then Ali: you wouldn't like her any more than she'd like you Ali: it'd be fitting, but no fun Ronnie: thats the fun Ronnie: I hate you all Ali: I see the appeal Ronnie: have a go Ronnie: hate me Ali: I see your appeal Ali: why would I hate you? Ali: Fraze does and he's having the least fun of all Ronnie: you see what you fucking wanna Ronnie: youd have to know me to know if I had any appeal Ali: Then I'm a spoilt hippy brat, as you like it Ali: you'd have to do worse for me to hate you Ali: not my MO Ronnie: not wasting another flight on it Ronnie: kill your own ma Ali: then I'm good for it Ali: sorry again Ali: you did what you set out to do, making me 💔 wasn't part of it Ronnie: stop fucking apologising Ali: it offends you? Ronnie: I did what mckenna cant do for his fucking self being a useless pussy from cradle to grave Ronnie: he is under my skin and in my veins like it or not Ali: yeah, and my apology is worth a damn when you've got problems that big Ali: alright, I won't say it no more Ronnie: if it was for me Id have done it at 10 14 fucking 18 even Ali: 'course, you got fucked over at birth Ali: no other straws needed Ali: his is more of a slowburn of bullshit Ronnie: yeah Ali: I don't know what he's told you, or how much you care about it Ali: but they've always been like it, Fraze too Ali: we have no idea and they went through so much more Ali: but Joe's only got 5 on me, so that says all you really need to know Ronnie: thats lads for you Ronnie: cant handle any pain unless they glorify it Ali: or co-opt it Ali: if you don't wanna be like them, tell him to get his own Ronnie: Im not like them thats why he likes me Ronnie: it aint my winning smile Ronnie: helps that I look like you and your ma course hes that sick Ali: He's hated them both ever since Bea came around, then when we moved her, like it was for her Ali: he's spoilt, like you said Ali: but I really think he is sick, too Ronnie: no shit Ronnie: were both sick Ali: yeah Ali: maybe you'll wanna get help someday Ronnie: for what Ronnie: theres no happy ever after here Ali: to not be sick Ronnie: nice try little girl Ronnie: not gonna get cured Ali: yeah, well has to seem better than sick Ali: that's a big ask Ali: I can't imagine not getting to do the drugs I do, and that's everyone Ronnie: it's like being in a relationship yeah sometimes it makes you feel good sometimes it dont Ronnie: cant fix shit though Ronnie: the rots too deep and its already set in Ronnie: long before I took a hit Ali: That's medication for you Ronnie: thats pain for you Ali: Yeah Ronnie: if I cant cut it out Ill cut her out of me Ronnie: her face outta mine Ali: It's DNA Ali: everything and nothing Ronnie: if she's in my blood ill spill it all Ronnie: theres fuck all point keeping it on the inside Ali: It's a waste of you Ali: the you that ain't her Ronnie: I am the waste Ronnie: ive had enough kids scraped out of me it aint hard Ali: She believed in the happily ever after you don't Ali: more fool her Ronnie: she got it Ali: she wanted it with you Ronnie: bullshit Ali: She did, she loved your biological dad, basically as many years as she'd been about Ali: she didn't just not get an abortion because she was scared Ronnie: she wanted it with him then Ronnie: I was along for the ride til I got dumped out Ronnie: if she wanted me id fucking be there Ali: she could've tried Ali: yeah Ali: you would've got taken away though Ronnie: so what Ali: just that, she wasn't allowed to keep you, she was a 14 year old with no parent, they'd have separated you and put you into different care homes Ali: happened to her friend Ronnie: I was a 14 year old with no parents either Ronnie: and a 4 year old Ronnie: 4 months Ronnie: however the fuck far back you wanna go Ronnie: I still found ways to get shit that I wanted Ali: Yeah, I know Ali: you had enough to eat and a bed with a roof over your head Ali: you wouldn't have if you'd had her, if that was even possible, somehow Ronnie: no I fucking didnt Ronnie: not always Ali: if you were in a home Ali: more than a squat where no fucker pays the bills or gets groceries over smack, you know the situation Ronnie: I know it helps her sleep at night Ronnie: this story Ali: you don't have to add it to your narrative if it fucks with your peace Ali: ask Joe Ali: if he reckons he remembers everything back in Liverpool, he'll remember Ronnie: I dont need to ask him cos his story is that she blinked and her life was so fucking sorted that she pushed a shit ton more kids out Ronnie: where the fuck was I Ronnie: nowhere Ronnie: youre my fucking replacement is why Ali: she could've got you when she got Bea and Ro Ali: I don't know how old you were then, 13? Ali: they might've said she was sorted enough, maybe Ali: it was more, this girl has been abused and you're a friend she trusts who is willing to foster her so let's shove her at you and get her out, it wasn't happy families Ronnie: no need when theres already loads of shiny white kids to mother and 2 less shiny to play saviour too Ali: I could ask Ali: I was a toddler, and it wasn't my bedtime story too, believe it or nah Ronnie: luck of the irish Ali: I'll take 50% Ronnie: her sob story is as fucking useless to me as mckennas misery boners are Ali: 💔 Ali: very convincing performance in that case Ronnie: fuck you Ali: why Ronnie: if you have to ask youre not listening Ali: I meant the part where you necked on with him Ronnie: why not Ali: 'cos his boners are a letdown, obvs Ronnie: I dont need him to make me feel good Ronnie: and he fucking wishes he could do as good of a job as the shit that does Ali: thank God Ronnie: he wanted the shock factor thats me baby Ali: assumed that was his intention Ali: he stopped showing up as himself ages ago though, that was, not more shocking but impactful, let's say Ali: if he wasn't so obviously out of it, he might've known that we knew Ronnie: he wanted to stop showing up full stop Ronnie: til he gets shipped back in a ⚰ Ronnie: and reckoned thatd be the final nail for you all us fucking Ali: and us younger ones are dramatic, hilarious Ali: who doesn't want to get away from home? Ali: Tommy has been since he was 11, Bea went to Cambridge, Ro will too, Fraze only didn't because Bea told him he wasn't allowed to follow her Ali: I'm planning on Singapore, myself Ronnie: hes too pussy to handle being away from me Ronnie: or what I get like when he isnt in my fucking face Ronnie: that bit wasnt about you lot as much like Ali: it's how it goes Ali: that's why people get knocked up, get married, get fabulous careers, so you can have an excuse for why you can't make this weekend, will try to pop in for this event but end up just sending a card Ali: it's weird it's you, of course, you're both sick, duh, but look at it objectively Ali: it's your version of 2.4 kids and a dog Ronnie: he dont want me to slit my own throat or anyone elses but his more fool him Ronnie: cant knock me up or marry me thank christ Ronnie: I like that the dog is smack thats well poetic Ali: I'll have a go at writing it Ali: if you want a null and void illegal wedding too, I'll write those vows and all Ronnie: ill stick it in a song if you want better than happy birthday Ronnie: fuck that i belong to no one Ronnie: theres loads more fun illegal shit to do Ali: you write songs too? Ali: just don't let Joe play cello on it Ali: if depression had a 🎵 Ronnie: id lose money if i begged with him Ronnie: fucking hell Ronnie: looks pathetic enough but thats all Ali: very child actor vibes, or rockstar's kid Ali: you had it all and you pissed it all the wall Ali: not here's a couple of quid for a warm cup of coffee and a sarnie, no Ronnie: i can see his face hearing that Ronnie: id have to take a brick to it Ali: yeah, he probably hates me Ali: not as much as Fraze, didn't have the toddler clout to make us move to Dublin, bit rude Ronnie: you're in his way Ali: of what Ronnie: 💉 Ali: that's his hangup Ali: like I said, no one is forcing him to do shit here Ali: guilt's part and parcel of 💚 and 💉 ain't it Ronnie: youre not telling me shit I dont know Ronnie: hes the one shitting himself hes gonna get chucked in rehab Ronnie: nobodys coming to take me nowhere Ali: I get it Ali: she's shit at turning up Ali: tell her to work on it Ronnie: do what you want Ronnie: far as sisterly advice what ive got is dont ask me for a shot unless youre after a habit Ali: lecturing ain't my gig rn, she loves a bit of it so honestly no need when her 🧠 will be full of the 💔 Ali: cheers, I'll stick to the just saying no of it all Ronnie: get the money up front when you are gigging Ronnie: and take care of the kid when you aint Ali: I will, I do Ali: he's got a few years to grow before I'm going anywhere Ronnie: yeah Ali: and my wife might stay and they're best friends Ronnie: she was the one trying to rival us for most high Ali: ✌💚💉 Ali: it was a party before you walked in Ali: which I'm aware was very much the idea Ali: can I give you a tattoo I'm good Ronnie: go ahead Ronnie: not gonna be here long like Ali: where do you wanna meet, my rig is way portable Ronnie: [a place nearby wherever they are cos god knows but I doubt Joe wants to see Ali and she aint gonna tell him that's where she's going LOL] Ali: 👍 Ali: about 25 on my 🚲 Ronnie: reckon i can stay alive til then
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