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heyitsyn · 4 years ago

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White Carnation

Ex!Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

a/n: iwa-chan being your ex is so painful and numbing

huhuhu angst isnt my forte but this is an exception bc chi is my sista

anon request: ex-boyfriend/childhood friend iwaizumi would be super angsty but i have no idea what they’d fight about ,, now imagine if after being kitaichi’s manager/medic, reader becomes karasuno’s medic/temporary manager (until kiyoko got recruited),, then she couldn’t come to the seijoh practice match so she has no idea her team fought her ex,,, only to find out during inter-high and everyone’s like wtf??? that spiky haired ace is your ex?? meanwhile kageyama’s like “yall didn’t know?” — chi

ong this finna be painful

its always been the three of you

with living across the oikawas came great perks

even way before you could remember, you were always with the 2 other boys: your neighbor across your house, tooru, and his best friend who practically lived there, hajime

hajime first saw you when you were covered in dirt after you were trying to catch a butterfly for tooru at the back and oikawa pushed you out of the way into a puddle of mud when he saw a bug

iwa stared at you then immediately said ‘my name is iwaijumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

yep thats really how it went

and poor babie didnt know how to pronounce his ‘z’s yet so it sounds like ‘j’s :(

while tooru liked you because you werent like other girls who stayed inside and played dolls instead playing outside

you played with him at his back yard with the volleyball he owned and always made him laugh and have fun

iwa liked you because you didnt shy away from bugs, instead you were braver than tooru and even helped iwa look for any beetles and caught them for him to keep as pets

they liked you because you were like them

you were like one of the bois

but that kinda hurt you in the future

as you all grew up, you started going through yanno teenager things

like you started to have crushes

specifically on your best friend, iwaizumi hajime

thankfully tooru didnt see you like that and still saw you as one of the bois and saw you as that annoying twin sister

but unfortunately, iwa did too

every time you made an effort to do something to emphasize that you were, hello, a girl, he would laugh and tease you

‘hehe i didnt think you even knew what a dress was!’

was his comment when you came over wearing a yellow sundress with flats

tooru, who you shared these secrets with, gave you a worried glance but you smiled, covering up the hurt

‘meh. my mom forgot to dry my clothes so i had to wear these old clothes’

no, they werent old

they were just bought yesterday with the intention of finally being recognized as girl and complimented

but the person it was for, couldnt even be bothered to remember that you werent just one of the boys and that you possibly wanted to be told that you were pretty or cute

your other best friend noticed your quietness and he stood up from his crouching position and placed a hand on your shoulder, making you look at him

your teary eyes made him sigh but he grinned at you

‘its really pretty, y/n-chan! you should wear it more often! pretty things deserve to be seen and complimented’

god why couldnt you have a crush on oikawa tooru instead

why did it have to be towards the boy who was too caught up with catching bugs and playing ball to ever see you differently and has never said a single praise towards you?

‘what do you think, iwa-chan? isnt she pretty?’

oikawa hinted but hajime remained his eyes on the tv as the players hit the ball, too distracted to even be bothered to look at you

‘she looks the same’

he mumbled and your nose stung and eyes watered, looking down to hide the wobbling of your lips

‘its okay, kawa-chan. can i wear your clothes for now? i dont like this dress thats why i never wore it’

oikawa tried to stop you but you were already straight up the stairs and towards his room

he angrily stomped over to iwa and slapped his arm, startling the other boy and him snarling in pain

‘what the-’

‘youre so dumb. youre so mean. i wonder where she went wrong and what she saw. seriously’

he ranted and moved to sit back on the floor but not before kicking iwaizumi, making him fall on his side

‘OI KUSOKA-’

‘so whos winning?’

your voice interrupted iwa’s mid-scream and he looked up from the floor to see you wearing an alien hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts that were a little too loose so they drooped by your knees

your originally curled and elegantly braided hair was now pulled up into a bun by a scrunchie that you left around the house from years ago

there was a bit of redness around your eyes and iwa scrambled up to check if you were okay since your face looked swollen

‘oi, did you eat something weird? your face is all red so youre probably having a reaction’

he fretted and you watched as his hands glided across your face and held you by the shoulders to take a closer look

‘yea, a reaction from a bad reaction’

thankfully iwa was too busy checking to hear oikawa snarkily whisper and you sent him a glare that made him quiet down

‘haji-kun, im fine’

you dismissed and side stepped to go sit next to oikawa, completely brushing him off

now iwa was confused

you would usually smile up at him, say ‘aw~ are you worried about me, haji-kun?’ then skip over

not frown and act so coldly

‘oi, y/n, what-’

‘lets go to the bakery! theres a sale going on there!’

oikawa shouted which made you jolt in surprise

he knew of his best friend’s beginning interrogation but he knew you were too upset to be bothered by hajime’s questions

‘they have a buy one get one sale on milk bread! and those-those treats you like! theyre on sale too!’

omg oikawa is a real one 🥺

oikawa blinked harshly at you to go along with the act and you stuttered and nodded

‘uh-eung! yea!’

that was probably the moment that iwaizumi started noticing

except he thought it was a pining between his best friends rather than you towards him

ofc iwa was a loyal friend

he thought that you and oikawa were two people who were crushing on each other yet too afraid to say anything

tbh he shouldve seen this coming because duh you were an incredibly pretty girl and oikawa was the handsomest guy in the whole area!

it was almost,,, natural for you both to gravitate towards each other

maybe thats why,,,

he started to distance himself to give you both the space and want without him in between

maybe thats why,,,

he started to feel these feelings of,, jealousy?? like he started to feel a little scared and honestly he wasnt sure who to be jealous of bc he knew once you started dating, you’d both be too busy to hang out with him

maybe thats why,,,

he was no longer your friend

iwaizumi hajime became a simple stranger you would just pass by in the hall

it happened around the 2nd year of middle school

you and oikawa were still close friends but you have drifted away into not being as close while you and iwaizumi became,,,, distant

basically strangers

the boy you used to dream about when you were 8 and dreamt of marrying once you were old enough

he was no longer him

before, you and iwa were actually really close without oikawa

like you would hang out when oikawa was too busy with takeru

you both would go to the arcade and play games with no fear of oikawa whining and complaining to take turns

you had a lot of fun together and yet, all of a sudden, everything stopped

because iwa knew how,,, possessive oikawa was

he thought that if he were to continue being friends with you, he would risk losing his best friend out of jealousy or misunderstandings and he didnt want that precious bond to be ruined by a girl

even if that girl,,,

was you

thats why it was so awkward when you came over to oikawa’s house after so long and seeing him there, eating breakfast in the kitchen

your best friend didnt want to tell you that iwa spent the night bc quite frankly, oikawa was already fed up with this

you think he didnt know?

you think he didnt know that iwa distanced himself due to an unknown misunderstanding?

you think he didnt know that you also distanced yourself due to being hurt as he casted you aside?

and oikawa was also worried

he didnt want to ever bring up your name with iwa bc to be honest, he didnt think iwa even liked you all that much

he thought that iwa only tolerated you for so long bc you were the only girl who wasnt in love with oikawa and knew you long enough to be comfortable w you

but babie oiks is misunderstood that :(

he didnt want to ever bring up his name with you bc he knew how sensitive it was for you and how sad and pained you were when he suddenly stopped even replying to your texts

one time when you cornered him, he looked angry and gently pushed you back and quickly walked away

no he was scared that oikawa could see you both and misunderstand

‘just,,, stay away from me, okay? its better this way’

god you wanted to scream at him and shout at him and punch him but he kept silent and refused to answer your questions and refused to acknowledge your existence

you were so confused and you were just so hurt and eventually, you became indifferent to him and treated him the same way

anyways

you stepped into the house, not even bothering to shout your arrival and quickly wandered through the hallway before turning the corner to go to the kitchen

but you stopped, seeing the familiar hair with olive eyes eating breakfast on the kitchen island, also stopping with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth at the sight of you

your gazes clashed and you blinked before your lips formed into a thin line, turning and going to the fridge and look for food

iwa wasnt surprised

he figured you were both getting closer to dating and you were already basically living in his house

it all makes sense

BRUH THEYVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THEY WERE LTR BORN LIKE BLS THEYRE JUST SIBLINGS

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

‘h-how are you’

he mumbled, trying to fix the awkward silence while cursing inside of how long oikawa was taking to shit

you hummed, taking a water bottle and slamming the fridge door shut, harder than necessary

‘oh, now you see me?’

you really didnt mean for it to be a snarky comment but it came out before you even realized what you said

he winced

‘listen, im-’

‘oh? youre here, y/n-chan!’

oikawa’s voice cut him off and he returned back to his bowl of rice, leaving you standing there furrowing your brows

you shrugged, already knowing that hajime was like this, so you turned to look at oikawa with a wrinkled nose at the sound of the toilet flushing

‘tooru, did you drink straight milk again? you know how it makes your stomach upset’

you chided and tooru turned red at the implication of his dookie

‘o-oi! y/n-chan! of course id know if i was lactose intolerant!’

i just think how funny it would be like the irony of his love for milk bread yet being lactose intolerant at the same time

he huffed and you nodded but not exactly believing him

‘kay kay’

you teased and walked to the living room but oikawa caught you in a headlock and he ruffled your hair while you complained and whined to let you go

you were giggling as tooru was giving you noogies, feeling the tension leave your body

all while iwa was watching

maybe it was because he stopped hanging out with you and havent seen you like this for almost a year

so carefree and so happy as you scored higher than him at the hoop game and he would begrudgingly let you hug him when he managed to win you a doll from the claw machine

but yea he definitely forgot your smile

he forgot how it looked like bc the last time you met gazes, you sent him a hurt glance and looked away and he knew he deserved that

god he hated it

but no, he was doing this for tooru

he was doing this because his best friend liked someone who actually deserved him

but dear god why did it hurt

iwa was starting to wonder if he made the right choice

he could easily handle you two dating

right?

maybe that was when iwa started to realize,,, he was starting to feel different towards you

the time apart definitely made him remember why he was friends with you

you weren’t like those girls he saw in tv or outside with the frilly clothes and the makeup and the fancy hair

no that wasnt you

you were different

you were too lazy to even pick out a cute outfit, opting for comfort with one of their sweatshirts and sweatpants

you preferred to chase after butterflies rather than sitting inside bc hajime’s adventurous spirit latched itself on to you too

you would usually climb the tree to get the volleyball that got stuck up in the branches bc tooru was too scared of heights and you wanted to prove your strength and capability

god you were so different

what if you liked him instead?

iwa startled himself with that thought in the middle of eating and caused him to choke on his rice

tooru noticed him coughing violently so he grabbed the water bottle from your hand and threw it straight towards the boy

iwa snapped the cap open,not caring where that water came from, and chugged it down before sighing in relief after the quite scary situation

you then realized what happened and you turned red, speedwalking into the living room

oiks totally didnt do that on purpose and he was doing the lenny face at you before switching masks and wearing a worried one for iwa

‘iwa-chan! you need to slow down!’

he chided and iwaizumi yelled at him to be quiet, completely clueless to the fact that he just shared an indirect kiss with you

but you did and lordie did you hate it

from then on,,,

iwa was just seeing you everywhere

iwa saw you from his classroom when you would go hang out with your new friends outside

he noticed you not even being too loud, only speaking up when asked while the others opted to continue talking about nonsense you probably gave no care about with how you secretly rolled your eyes

those moments made him laugh

the next time you both ran into each other was during his morning practice

oikawa phoned you in the morning while you were getting ready, saying he accidentally left his knee pads at home and he was already at school but you werent so he wanted you to bring them to him

you knew damn well that iwaizumi hajime would be there but you didnt care because youre not even friends anymore after he just dropped you like that

YES SISTER WE DESERVE BETTER

so thats why you found yourself pushing the metal gym door open at 6 in the morning and shouting oikawa’s name

his eyes brightened at your voice and he dropped the ball to run towards you by the door

‘oh my god thank you so much, y/n-chan!’

he shouted and hugged you out of excitement while you cringed and hit him to get off of you

‘ew dont touch me trashykawa’

you mumbled and he whined, finally stepping away with a pout

iwa was watching you both from the side and he blinked, wondering if you were trying a new hairstyle

if not, then you changed something bc currently, you practically glowing to him

he watched you scold oikawa for being forgetful and him begging for forgiveness but also thanking you before he was scoldede again by the coach

but the coach was relieved that he could finally play with the proper equipment and not risk anymore injuries

oikawa was already bidding you good bye and you were about to turn to leave when you finally met the many gazes of iwaizumi hajime

your eyebrows unconsciously furrowed together and your lips turned to a frown then you sharply turned and walked through the doors

unbeknownst to him, oikawa watched as his best friend’s face turned hurt at your expression and remained staring at the door you just went out of even when you were already gone

‘iwa-chan, lets get to practice’

after that

iwa has concluded god has decided to be mean to him

bc who was giving him these weird heart attacks and tummy aches at the simple sight of you?

literally he ignored you for a good time yet now hes noticing you again?

what kinda unfairness-

but you proved to accept his previous behavior by not even giving him a single glance anymore

that made him sad so iwa would sometimes stop doing what hes doing so he could freely stare at you laugh at something a classmate said during class

thats totally not creepy iwa lol

he doesnt even know hes doing it sometimes bc hes so absorbed on trying to figure out the answers of his questions

but the worst was when he got caught

you sat at the very front and oikawa and iwa sat at the back

it was lunchtime and you were eating with a few girls and a guy from another class and yall were laughing and talking together

iwa had oikawa and these other guys makki and matsukawa from the class next door to eat lunch with

can i please just dream that our third year seijoh boys were actually friends since the very beginning like pls and thanks

oikawa was rambling about how some girl giving him cookies the other day when he noticed iwa not listening but staring at you while moving his chopsticks around

poor iwa-chan was confused as to how even with messy hair, you still looked beautiful?

like no matter what angle or how you turned, the light always seemed to hit you perfectly to accent out your features

how was that possible?

‘-and she just-iwa-chan? iwaizumi?’

he called out and said boy jolted, eyes widening at the confused, bored, and knowing eyes

‘hm?’

‘oh? were you looking at y/n-chan?’

oikawa teased and the gojira fanboy waved his hands around to deny that statement

but makki chuckled and leaned in

‘hm, wouldnt blame ya. shes really pretty you know? some guy in our class saw the girls ranking and shes in the top 5′

okay iwa was angry

was it because everyone else noticed how pretty you are?

was it because you were part of this list?

was it because his own friend said you were pretty?

why did he even care anyways?!

oikawa smirked at the clenched fist under the table and decided to poke fun even more

‘oh really? well, it doesnt really matter because its always the girl’s decision right? but most of the time, their choice is utter trash’

the meme duo shared a confused look

‘hah? what are you going on about, oikawa’

oikawa internally apologized to you after what hes about to do because hes so tired and exhausted of having to be so careful and walking on eggshells between you two

so he did an oikawa move

‘yanno how y/n-chan and i have been friends since we were little ducklings right? so ages ago, like ages ago, little y/n-chan had a crush on this brute bc for some reason she thought he was brave or something and apparently thats appealing to girls rather than the nice and gentlemanly type. but of course, yanno how this goes, he pooped up and now hes stuck on doing this weird stalking staring thing. right, iwa-chan~?’

okay im sorry i take it back oikawa is a bitch

iwa shook

you,,, had a what on who?!

a crush on him?!

is he the brute?!

so it wasnt oikawa?

it was to him?

then why did you act like that?

why did you both act like that?

‘what’

iwaizumi mumbled and he met oikawa’s pointed gaze

‘hmm,,,, you dont have to worry about it anymore though since theyre not even friends anymore. but listen to me and listen well, makki, mattsun, if you hurt a girl even once, theyre never going to forget it. my sister said that apparently theres this little voice in their head that tells them that theyre going to get hurt again and thats where their trust issues begin to develop and--IWA-CHAN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!’

iwa was already out of his seat and straight walking towards you and your group before stopping beside your chair

your friends quieted down at the sight of the known boy and you blinked then turned your head to see him, your eyes instantly turning dark and looking away immediately

‘what the hell do you want’

you hissed and natsu almost choked on his rice ball if it wasnt for another girl patting his back

‘it was me, right? all along, not oikawa, but me?’

his meek voice made you look up in confusion

‘what are you talking-’

‘you chose me instead him’

then it was like a click that you realized what he said

‘how did you know’

‘i-i’

he stuttered but was cut off when the teacher finally arrived to announce the end of lunch and iwa was forced to go back to his seat

the whole class time, you would sneak glances back and iwa would be staring at his paper while oikawa would wink at you and give you smirks

OH GOD HE TOLD HIM

after class you stomped up to the brunette haired boy

‘how could you?! why did you tell-’

‘lets talk, y/n? please?’

iwa was holding your arm and you glared at him before turning away and walking away

oikawa patted him on the shoulder in good luck and whispered,

‘get your girl’

the rooftop ledge looked really delicious right now

no words were exchanged so you were both just silent with you staring at him while he was looking off to the side

‘so what? now you know and so what do you want?’

you spoke first and iwa guiltily met your eyes

‘everything was,,, a mess. i misunderstood and i didnt communicate and i,,, messed up’

he mumbled the last part but you caught it perfectly causing you to scoff

‘damn right you did. so now you know and then youre going to do the cliche thing they do in those dramas where you magically profess your love for me and-’

‘hey y/n lets date’

you froze and looked at him shocked with wide eyes and jaw dropped

‘excuse me? who are you to say that?!’

you shrieked

‘first you think i have some big crush on tooru and this caused you to basically drop me like a damn pencil and second youre asking me to date you? iwaizumi hajime i thought you were always the smarter one. what the hell are you spouting you damn imbecile-’

iwa did the only thing he thought of

he quickly leaned forward and pecked your lips

he saw some guy do it in a telenovela that his mom watched a week ago and that was how the girl got silent so iwa thought it would be smart to shut you up that way

and it worked

bc you were so conflicted: angry, confused, sad, happy

you was the whole range of emotions in one second

‘i was stupid. and i was dumb. i wanted to give you and shittykawa space because i thought he liked you and he would be mad and misunderstand if we continued hanging out without him. but you shouldve told me you liked me, baka. maybe i wouldve come to like you back’

iwa rambled but your eyes watered and you huffed, slapping him across the face but pulled his collar to kiss him again

tbh iwa was shook bc he got 2 kisses in a row today and hes never been kissed before and its from this really pretty girl

‘how dare you kiss me and still not like me’

you seethed when you pulled away

but iwa held your hands

‘im starting to come to. give me time and i’ll accept your confession’

and give him time you did bc you finally were able to try and mend that friendship again and soon, you were already starting to fall back in love with him

but iwa also

during the end of your 2nd year, iwa nervously tugged you to the rooftop and you smirked

‘what? you gonna profess your love for me haji-kun?’

you teased and expected him to laugh and smack you gently but he didnt

he turned red and he looked down at his shoes as he magically produced a flower out of nowhere

‘please accept me, y/n!’

he shouted while holding out the single white carnation

your eyebrows scrunched and you grabbed the flower from his hands before punching him weakly

‘stupid! stupid haji-kun! i already accepted you! since we were five! how could you not see my feelings’

you whimpered, trying to hide the blush on your face but he smothered you to a hug, making you both topple over in the process

you had the cliched term of ‘summer love’

of course you still hung out with tooru but you both would hang out other days just you both

like you and iwa liked going over to some old playground by your house and you both would watch the sky on top of the slide assembly while talking about stupid stuff and the future

‘haji-kun, do you know what you want to be when youre old?’

you asked and he turned his head to look at you but you were focused on the stars

‘gojira’

he simply replied and you giggled, reaching over to hit his chest

‘baka. you cant be gojira-san’

iwa found himself giggling with you before he reached down to softly interwine your fingers and hold them up to look at them

‘hm, i dont really know. maybe a volleyball player. or someone in the volleyball team, i dont know’

you hummed, knowing him and tooru’s shared love for the sport

‘i wanna be a doctor. i want to save lives and help people and make money too! my mothers friend offered to intern me but apparently im still too young’

you pouted

iwa listened to you but then a lightbulb rang in his head

‘oi, y/n’

he started and you looked at him

‘you can be our manager. or medic. or doctor person. that bastard is going to push himself even harder because naoki-senpai gave him that damn position and he might kill himself trying to beat that farmer dude. besides, shittykawa is going to be the captain next year and i’ll be vice so youd easily get it anyways. so you in?’

you blinked at him before breaking out to a smile

‘eung! i wanna see my baby play what he loves!’

iwa’s face contorted to disgust

‘bABy?! iM nOt a BABY! im A mAn!! mAN!!’

‘mhm, okay. my mans, haji bara arms is my mans’

your relationship is very balanced with the perfect ratio of crackhead and seriousness and understanding bc as we ALL KNOW EVERYTHING STARTED W A MISUNDERSTANDING

like if he accidentally said something that hurt your feelings like that dress incident from years ago btw you brought it up to him and told him you were practically traumatized by that and he kept on apologizing and appearing at your doorstep with a white carnation in apology you would gently tell him bc communication is K E Y and he would tell you sorry and you guys would understand and make up

you guys were so lovey dovey that ltr oikawa would fake gag and throw up to the side when he catches you guys even doing things like holding hands

like bls he sees that flesh to flesh contact and he wretches his breakfast

‘ew, its the settling down for me’

‘its the flatness of the ass for me’

you stuck your tongue out while he pouted and iwa looked so proud like oml

you guys were still at the honeymoon phase where everything was peaches and rainbows and it continued until your 3rd year

as mentioned above, iwa basically gave you the managerial position

like yall were walking to school during the first day talking about how worried yall were at passing your classes when suddenly he was all like ‘ill see you in the gym later?’

you smiled and blinked confusingly

‘hm? you want a cheerleader there, baby?’

he flushed red at the nickname and furrowed his eyebrows

‘baka, stop calling me that’

you giggled and dodged his gentle smack but he grabbed your hand and pulled you close to his chest

‘i thought we already agreed that you would be our medic slash manager? i mean, it could give you experience for the future right?’

you rested your chin on his front to look up at him and your face held a teasing smirk

‘hmmm~~~ haji-kun just admit it. you want me to be there to cheer you on~’

you teased and nuzzled your cheek on him

iwa scoffed but he couldnt help a soft smile appearing

‘i mean-yea, but its for the future so ill help you every way i can’

‘oya? the future? will you marry me in the future, haji-kun?’

‘MARRY?! HOW DID YOU GET MARRY OUT OF THAT, BRAT’

‘AAWWWWW DONT BE SUCH A TSUNTSUN HAJI-KU-ACKDKJFSLKJNOT THE HAIR!!!’

sure enough you were at the gym after school

the coaches knew you werent a fangirl of oikawa bc hes seen you since the very beginning and oikawa clears you are actually a sister to him and you were fit for the job

ofc hes captain and someone as good as oikawa was going to get what he wants

the gym was full of newbies and recruits hoping to get into the powerhouse team and your eyes scanned to find those ridiculously pretty olive eyes that belonged to your beloved-

‘HAJI-KUN~~!!!’

you waved and shouted loudly, gaining his and everyone else’s attention as well

the underclassmen cooed and awed at you bc their senpai who was famous for being really pretty was in the building

‘waaaa its l/n-senpai’

‘shes so pretty’

‘oMG shes righT iN FroNT oF me!!’

yea you get the gist

the poor ‘haji-kun’ was shrinking under the attention and was growling at oikawa’s teasing look but he begrudgingly held his arms out for you to run into them and snuggle into him

‘hmmm i missed you, haji-kun. im really sad we’re in different classes this year. but then again! i can be here with you!’

you pouted and he ruffled your hair affectionately

‘why else do you think i offered it brat’

oikawa rolled his eyes and gagged before taking your arm to the coach so he could sort you out

‘honestly! not in front of the children, okay?!’

but everything was quickly resolved and you were finally officially their manager/medic

you did managerial duties and you were the go-to when someone falls harshly or gets hurt in any way

in between homework, school, reading medical books, and practice, you and iwa havent spent a lot of time together and tbh that was quite straining your relationship??

like it was something that you saw coming and you both even had a talk about it but you still feel like you didnt prepare enough when it did come

one day, it was monday and there was no practice so you and iwa were walking home together

he squeezed your hand occassionally and you would sing and hum while walking

and omg his heart would balloon up when you would smile up at him and giggle when you would catch him staring

he honestly thought youd both hang out and just lay on the couch, snuggle, yanno the routine

but once you pulled out your textbooks, notebooks, and pens, he was confused

like he even held your hands and stopped you from pulling anything else out

‘y/n? i thought we were,, watching a movie or something?’

you blinked and shook your head

‘i need to study for a test and i still need to memorize how to treat a sprain, haji-kun. there’s more important things to do right now. maybe later?’

more important things?!

more important than showering you with love?

more important than even spending a second with him?

now, dont get him wrong, iwaizumi hajime was by no means a clingy and possessive boyfriend

he understood the boundaries and he understood the priorities

but dear god its been WEEKS since he even hung out w you since your entire schedule seemed to throw him out of loop and acted as if he didnt exist

and now, he was aggrivated and irritated and he wanted nothing but to just cuddle his girlfriend

you noticed his huff and pout but he remained silent

you quirked an eyebrow and placed your pen down

‘haji? whats wrong?’

his eyes snapped to you and you knew now he was angry

‘oh? were you able to spare a few seconds for dear old me?’

you were taken aback and you knew there was a fight brewing so you hid your growing irritation and calmly put your things aside

‘hajime, what are you on about?’

you pried and he looked shocked, almost offended

‘what am i on about? what am i on about? y/n, do you know the last time i even came over? the last time i held you and just talked?’

his voice got louder by every word and you quickly stood up

‘dont you dare raise your voice at me, hajime. if we have a problem, we talked over it calmly. we dont yell or shout, nothing gets resolved. we talked about this’

but he scoffed

‘talked? when was that? when did we actually just talk? hm? because I sure as hell dont remember it’

youve only seen hajime angry once and it was when you lied to him to go spend time with oikawa

okay in your defense, oikawa was having a panic attack and he begged you not to tell iwa because he didnt want to be scolded by iwa even though you kept telling him that iwa wasnt like that

and theres a reason as to why its only been a one-time thing because iwa was known to have patience that was as long as the damn nile river

except for oikawa bc it seems oikawa just cuts that patience by a million

and when he finally snaps, its when he couldnt take it anymore and he finally gets loose

when iwaizumi hajime was angry, you really done it

you didnt really know how you handled that anger so you were at a loss and you were feeling conflicted and pained at the way he looked at you

‘h-hajime,,,’

you started and he looked at you expectantly

‘well? when did we last actually talk outside the school premises y/n?’

there was that inner witty voice of yours that wanted to say ‘right now?’ but you held it in bc he was completely serious

‘hajime, please understand. i-i dont want to let anyone down! my grades! the team! i-’

‘but what about me, y/n?’

he tiredly asked

‘do those things-those people- matter more than me? and i really really dont want to ask that but im so so confused y/n’

despite sounding manipulative, you knew iwa was feeling defeated and he couldnt help but ask those questions and sound so desperate

so you scrambled to sit next to him on the couch and held him against you

‘of course you matter to me-haji you mean everything to me, you understand? god, if an adult hears me theyd think im crazy but i love you, hajime. i love you and im so sorry if i ever made you feel that way because i really didnt mean to, okay? im so sorry’

you sobbed and he turned to fully envelop you into his arms and he sighed contently, remembering how good it felt to have you right there

‘no, im sorry, doll. i was being clingy and i didnt mean to lash out, i-’

you slightly let go and cupped his face

‘nonono you were perfectly valid. what you felt was perfectly reasonable. i havent been a good girlfriend lately, huh?’

you sadly smiled but he kissed you, holding you even closer

‘youre always a good one to me. always. just with a not good schedule but we can fix that, right?’

SORRY I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE A FIGHTING SCENE BC ITS ANGSTY AND I DONT DO WELL WITH ANGST BC IT MAKES ME CRY 😭

tbh that was really your only big fight

even when you guys graduated middle school, you both were still quite happy and you both worked hard to make time for each other

HOWEVER

when high school arrived, you both had chosen an extremely hard decision

you chose to go to karasuno while oikawa and iwa went to seijoh

which was a,,,, hard and difficult decision

in fact, you both didnt have a fight per se, just a disagreement that ended in like 30 minutes lmao

tbh its so scary and concerning of how rarely you both have bad times and how quickly it gets resolved

BUT THEN AGAIN THIS IS AN ANGST REQUEST SO ILL OF COURSE BRING IN THE SADNESS

you were busy with karasuno and you were actually taking college courses since you wanted to have a good record if you ever wanted to get into a medical field

that meant you had a lot of homework and most of your time was spent with schoolwork or interning for that family friend mentioned earlier

and you were also a manager for the volleyball team bc karasuno is a butt and they require you to have an after school club

so that meant,,,

no time for iwa

and fate just so happens to hate you bc the days you did have off, he would be busy with volleyball and he wouldnt be able to spend time with you

even weekends were like that

eventually, you both went for 2 months with no contact, just a few text messages and calls

and that strained your former strong relationship

and you knew that iwa was getting angry again with how he even typed his responses

‘want me to bring over snacks for the team?’

‘its okay. wouldnt want you to waste time or anything’

like that type of bull

you were getting increasingly worried because you havent had a good proper time to talk to him about it and you didnt want to fight over the phone

your best friend, kiyoko, noticed your anxious ticks and she snapped you out of your current daydream

‘hey? y/n? you okay?’

she gently asked and you blinked before nodding

‘mhm. just,,, thinking’

but she didnt buy that lie because you went back to chewing your lips and eyes even watering

‘i can revise your notes for you, y/n. and the team isnt doing anything big so i can handle it. you just go see him after school bc i cant handle you being sad anymore’

kiyoko gently smiled and you almost cried bc finally! you were able to clear your schedule enough to go visit your boyfriend

at the end of the school day, you bolted out of there and you were running and huffing all the way to seijoh bc you really wanted to talk to him as soon as possible

the gym was clear in view and you smiled, looking forward to seeing your beloved boy, when you saw him and oikawa being surrounded by girls

now keep in mind, youve suffered through middle school with oikawa and you were his best friend and has known him since you were a toddler

so you know of his looks and the attraction it brought him from all the females

so that didnt really bother you

but what bothered you was the horde of girls that stuck on to your boyfriend and he didnt even look bothered

just,,, blank

not even pushing away or feeding into their actions

just,,, standing there

‘haji?’

you called out and as if he had a built-in sensor for you, his ears twitched and he swiveled to look at you

‘y/n’

he breathed out and you smiled gently

iwa quickly moved away from the girls and he grabbed your hand so you both could go somewhere else to talk privately

the back of the gym was quiet and you leaned against the wall, iwa joining you shortly

‘how-how are you?’

you asked and he scoffed, totally surprising you

‘is this how we are y/n? asking each other questions as if we’re friends who are meeting for the first time in a while? wait--actually we are arent we?’

you grimaced and looked to the side, knowing he starts his stages of anger with being passive aggressive

‘haji,, please understand’

you pleaded and swiveled to stand in front of him

iwa didnt meet your eyes, instead shoving his hands in his pants pockets and eyes trained to his shoes as he kicked rocks

‘y/n, ive been trying,, for months ive been understanding. please dont ask me to understand anymore’

he snipped and you sniffed

‘im doing this because-because my grades are starting to matter! my future is resting on these years! i have to-’

‘dont you think i know that?!’

he cut you off harshly

your eyes were shaking at his attempt to calm himself down and his trembling hands

‘dont you think i know that you are doing this for that? because ive known you since i was five y/n and i know you would push everything-everyone- else aside to reach a damn goal of yours. no matter the cost, as long as you get it, right? well youve always been like that and somehow i still accepted that yet years later here we are’

iwa waved his arms around to accentuate his point and hurt was bubbling inside your chest at a subtle jab at your flaw

‘well im sorry mr. volleyball ace player! im not talented in any area so i have to depend on my studies to get me a future! so fck me for trying to survive and create a life for us!’

‘us?! how is this for us?! y/n we cant even last a single year being apart and youre already thinking ahead of the future?!’

‘im doing this for you! for us! just wait hajime! we will be happy-’

‘I DONT CARE IF ITS FOR THE FCKING FUTURE! I WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! AND WHY DOES THE FCKING FUTURE MATTER SO DAMN MUCH WHEN WE CANT EVEN-’

‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!’

you shrieked

‘HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME IF YOURE NOT LOVING ME?!’

he huffed and harshly wiped away tears that fell

your lips trembled, hands shakingly reaching out to grasp his arms

‘ha-hajime,, don-’

‘should we break up?’

was he asking you this right now?

seriously?

‘what?’

you whispered and he finally looked up to let you see his pained eyes

‘y/n do you know what day it was yesterday?’

he asked and you blinked, looking everywhere as you tried to remember any important events

‘t-tuesday?’

that seemed to snap his patience

with an angry grunt, he turned to punch the wall and crouch to hide his face in his hands

‘damn it, y/n’

he whimpered and your heart broke as you could hear his cries

then it clicked

anniversary

it was your 2nd anniversary

and you completely missed it

completely forgotten

you shrunk back and let out a cry before placing a hand over your mouth to muffle your cries

‘ha-haji-’

you sniffled and you tried to go closer to him but he wiped his eyes and stood back up

‘y/n lets break up’

iwa requested with a cracked smile

your eyes widened and you ran to his chest, wrapping your arms around him as if you let go, he would disappear

‘haji, we can talk about this! we cant-please dont do this-i can fix this-’

‘we will only hurt ourselves even more if we continue this. i dont want us to hurt anymore y/n. so please, for once, listen to me’

your heart shattering cries filled your space and he didnt think it was this hard until he finally said it

it was a decision that he has been hanging around for a while and even consulted oikawa about it

‘iwa-chan, if you love y/n so much, its best to let her go. dont make you both suffer anymore’

‘i cant-hajime youre it for me-please dont leave-’

you hiccuped and continued to sob

but iwa remained a pillar and squeezed you tightly against him

‘darling i believe we were meant to be. but we just did it all wrong. when the time is right, lets start over again’

he whispered, finally breaking down with you in his arms

-------

iwaizumi hajime became a taboo word for you

even with oikawa, he swore and vowed to never say either of your names and made sure that you would not be around the area when iwa would come over

like even when he knew iwa would just stay inside, he would be constantly on the lookout to make sure you both didnt see each other

the last time was when you both saw each other in the morning as you exited your house to walk to school

it must’ve been a few months after the breakup and even oikawa felt the raw pain hovering in the air

it was suffocating and oikawa had to motion you to walk because if you both stayed even a second, someone-or both- would start crying

you continued like that for years until you reached your third year

you continued being part of the volleyball team as the medic while kiyoko was the manager

the new recruits were causing up a storm and you were particularly fond of your kita kouhai kageyama tobio

‘kageyama? kageyama tobio?’

you asked once you caught sight of the familiar looking blueberry

he looked up and recognized you as his former manager

‘l/n-senpai!’

he shouted and you ran up to give the boy a hug

‘gosh! youre so tall now! i remembered when you were wee tall!’

you teased and ruffled his hair

‘uh-you know him, y/n?’

suga asked and you nodded

‘eung! we went to the same middle school and i was a manager there’

‘she was friends with iwa-’

ope

something flashed in your eyes

kiyoko knew that name bc of how you were so depressed about it for 2 years and she started shouting random nonsense, scaring the 2nd and first years

‘y/n! we got new medical tape!’

she sang out and you perked up

‘finally?! we dont have to use duct tape anymore?!’

you excitedly ran over and everyone was both shook that kiyoko was loud and two, you were actually excited over medical tape

kageyama shrugged and continued on training

he kinda figured something happened so he never said anything or asked you anything in fear of upsetting you

and when it was announced that you were going to a practice match with seijoh, kiyoko actually told you she would cover it to make sure you dont see him there

‘its fine, y/n, i got you’

but ofc, you couldnt skip inter high

ltr an event when anyone in the team could get injured so you forced yourself to just ignore it and go

you did a good job of hiding whenever he was in view until the time they actually faced each other

you were walking alongside kiyoko and settling some things down at the bench when you felt his stare

you grimaced at his intense stare and the entire team mistakenly took it as him being interested in you

‘HAH?! LOOK AWAY YOU BEANSPROUT!’

noya growled

‘YEA! DONT LOOK!’

ofc hinata echoed

the 3 seijoh third years exchanged looks of unease when iwa sighed and looked away

‘oi! dont do that, boke!’

kageyama chided and hit the orange boy with a water bottle at the head

hinata whined and glared at him

‘that porcupine was looking at l/n-senpai! he wants to steal her!’

‘boke-’

‘doesnt matter anyways. we broke up ages ago’

you tried to say it jokingly but they couldnt miss the crack in your voice

‘hah?! he broke up with you?! you?! goddess l/n-san?!’

tanaka raged and noya had his own face of shock

the famous seijoh ace dated you?!

this handsome bara arms muscle buff man had the priviledge to date you and yet broke up with you?!

‘yall didnt know that?’

kageyama questioned and everyone glared at him

‘how do you know’

‘i just did. i didnt want to say anything for this same reason that you guys didnt know and she wouldnt want her business out there’

he simply replied and continued filing his nails

you looked up and smiled

‘it doesnt matter anymore. it was years ago so its fine’

‘L/N-SAN WE WILL AVENGE YOU!’

‘WE WILL! WE WILL!!’

the three stooges swore and you smiled softly, ruffling each boy’s hair

‘then go out there and make me proud’

but we know how this goes

they lost and you were so devastated for the others and you dropped your bag to go and comfort a crying hinata

‘sshh, dont cry dont cry. im right here’

you cooed and he accepted your embrace, hugging you tightly

once he finally calmed down, you were able to get him to a good enough condition to walk to the bus to go home

you went back to get your bag when you found something on top of it

a single white carnation

and a small ripped piece of paper that said,

‘my name is iwaizumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

a/n: iknowiknowiknow i died but im not back to life and this request was lowkey difficult and i dont think i did a good job w it because angst always gets too angsty for me but i couldnt resist giving this a sad ending like bls!!! and uwu im still working on that oikawa route bc ya girl cant decide how angsty she wants it to beeee and i have like 4 different versions of the route in my drafts hehehe,,,, but i hope yall liked this and uwu ive never been in a serious relationship before so i wouldnt know what to fight about and came up with this:(

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moore-nocturnal · 3 years ago

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hii! random check up time!

how are you? <3

Hello (～￣▽￣)～

I'm doing alright, ive been way busier that's for sure and tired but I'm ok. Been in a deltarune/undertale mood so this month has been full of that I guess, tis the season I suppose. Well, I guess I could say art really hasnt been all that fun recently somethings come out well others its meh ya know. I know I talked a bit about it on insta, venting I guess but after that I felt like I was just whining lol. It's that time of the month where im just moody :/ I talked with someone yesterday evening which made me feel a lot better.

This blog is way bigger than I thought it would be lol its nice but at the same time it feels like I should make something that's eye catching all the time. I can't really there are limitations of course lol, at the same time I should feel happy that this place does well. Its certainly not the biggest and not everyone is there all the time but still, it kinda reminds of why I dont go on discord too often. Servers get bigger over time which is good but sometimes it feels like I'm interupting and already established groups and it feels werid lol. I got asked to be in a fe zine weeks ago which i'm really excited for tho. Anyway excuse all this smh that's one of the reasons I why I moved all my frist hero stuff to a seperate tumblr ( not moved more like the recent content) .

It's small and I recongnize a good few of you who just like the things I do which I really appericate! Youd think with linktober this month I'd be excited but I draw zelda stuff all the time lol so break from it is nice. I'll get back to it tho I've seen some nice things. Ive just been drawing a lot of ut/aus when I have the time, im a pretty big fan of the game I guess deltarune just triggered something.

But thanks for listening if youve gotten this far! <3

#long thoughts

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dausy · 3 years ago

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So I had one missing book where I had to ghetto add it I think In September so that drawing is on another device. I almost finished 2021 with 100 books. I counted 92 including that one honorable mention. I actually had a few other “technically books but not original novels” and a couple audible originals that I didn’t add.

I do NOT intend to do this in 2022. I may pick up the blockbuster book here and there but I don’t plan to do any specific reading goal because it does make you a bit ocd. December and November I was out of town A LOT and it was hard to go full blast like earlier months. It was a struggle to get 4 books this year, me just finishing Troubled Girls Academy yesterday.

I don’t know what Im supposed to say as final thoughts. I did this as a personal challenge. Merely wanted to prove I could do 52 books in 52 weeks. I did that and a few more. Most were technically aimed at a younger audience but it’s hard to focus on story when I read at specific times (at the gym, walking the dog, painting). Middle grade or YA is easy to zone out and not get lost when you refocus. Where as adult you have to really pay attention. I really really wanted to like fantasy but I feel like some of my favorite reads were boring old contemporary like Where’d You Go Bernadette or Man Called Ove. Or Good Girls Guide to Murder and Inheritance Games were incredibly fun but their finales were a bit disappointing.

YA is a bit of an aggravation and they can’t be trusted. More than likely they want to be exceptionally deep but treat their audience as exceptionally stupid as a result. Middle grade I find to be much better storytellers. Now I did binge Shadow and Bone series to get caught up before the tv show and while I…enjoyed them..for the most part..I found them to definitely not that well written.

My middle grade books. Frostheart is great. I love all three. I would love a box set one day if I can find one at the bookstore and had storage. And also Winterborne Home is fabulous too. For being made for kids, they’re wonderful fun for adults too.

Anywho, I do still keep adding books to my tbr but I’m really going to be slow and meh.

I wish I had tracked the video games I played this year. My gaming has super slowed down. I have too many hobbies and no time (and I’d still like to one day crossstitch or knit something). But time all runs together so I can’t remember what was this year or not. I did just recently finish Assassins Creed Valhalla which took me moooonths…and I’m playing Kena Bridge of Spirits now. I did Dragon Quest Xi (switch),ratchet and clank (ps5), miles morales Spider-Man. I think I did Bravely Default II and Trials of mana on the switch this year too..

I’d like to play Tales Of Arise and Ghost of Tsushima but I think God of War will come out and interrupt me at some point..

Happy new year

#games #books #tbr #book tube #booktok #reading #video games #finished books #readlist

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mollydollyjournals · 4 years ago

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Saturday 13th February - 154.6lbs

On one hand, that means I only dropped 1.4lbs overnight so it wasn't as low as it should be by the 2lb rule. My waist is still over 29in (29.25) my boobs are still 36in, all of this can bump back up, etc

On the other hand, I'm back under 156, and this is 2lbs lower than yesterday. That much is definitely good. I haven't lost 2lb in a day for years. I know some of it is probably some kind of temporary loss but some of it has to be actual fat weight surely

So it's sort of in a place where I'm kinda happy about it and kinda just meh. I feel sort of smaller but still pudgy. I'm still very aware that if I put on a cute outfit I'd hate how it looks on me. It's valentine's day tomorrow and I won't be taking any nudes or anything.

I don't know what to do today. I think I got more sleep than before, but I'm still really tired. Maybe because I didn't eat much yesterday. But it definitely feels like a sleep related tiredness, not like being low on energy (though I do have a bit of that too). I feel sad. I think I started to feel a little better at some points yesterday, probably with the prospect of losing weight, but today I just feel sad and alone. I miss bf a lot. I don't really care about calendar dates specifically but everything everywhere is about being with someone you're in a relationship with or being happy being single, and I'm neither because he's there, but I'm here. And we're mentally exhausted from all this lockdown shit. I don't really have the energy to do some elaborate thing or gift, and I don't expect it from him. I just want to be with him.

It feels like Sunday for some reason. I'm expecting new attack on titan and wine. But that's tomorrow. I drank last Sunday and it was a bit more so I said I wouldn't drink for at least a week. I didn't really decide whether that means not until next Sunday, ie tomorrow, or not until 7 full days have passed, ie Monday. Either way I shouldn't drink today. Idk. I'm just bored and sad and alone. I don't have wine or new media to look forward to. I don't have the energy to do something myself, like work on my creative things. I washed some bedsheets yesterday so I should deal with all that. I could bleach my roots and sort my hair out. Wax my legs. Moo the floors. Clean the bathroom. Design some clothes. It just all feels pointless. I just want to go be with bf. Of course, if that did become possible, I'd need to do a lot of self maintenance anyway, like wax my legs and sort my hair. Or I'd want to at least. But if I could just speed through making myself look acceptable, that's all I'd want to do. And if I can't go see him it doesn't feel like there's any point.

I ate a small breakfast today. Im not sure what kind of calorie goal I should have for the day. I feel a little lost. Whether I should stay really low like yesterday to make sure I don't gain, or go a bit higher to give my metabolism some variation and possibly raise my energy levels. Will it even make any difference if all I do is lie in bed feeling sad. Do I just need to put my Prozac dose up to 80mg a day.

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xsecretblastsx · 4 years ago

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2x03 - The Dark Night

I'm actually surprised this recap came out faster than I thought it would, that's rare but I'm glad, also this episode is a fun one, or rather that's how I remember it.

Anyway, as usual recap under the cut:

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

I know AC is a thing but it's kind of weird to have GG voice over be like: the last days of summer and the heat... and then there's this shot of Chuck drinking scotch in pajamas that look more suited for fall/winter

So I guess we're still on the Dan and Serena can't keep their hands of each other train.

Poor Blair, the Lord ain't into that, gotta love her for mentioning that Atonement scene in the library... she could totally rock that green dress.

Blair a delicate little flower, please. I do like how it's a constant the various fact that all her boyfriends never really got her, and have this fake image of her.

Jenny starring in her own version of the Devil wears prada, slaving it all around NYC

The Nate and the Duchess scene are giving me the creeps.

Compared to her season 1 looks, I'm kind of liking Vanessa's outfits so far.

No one likes to hear the hard truths of life, but Blair's words to Serena about her relationship with Dan were really spot on.

Fun fact about myself: purple is my favorite color. I guess that's why like Chuck's robe even if it makes him look like this weird junior version of Hugh Hefner.

This is the first time we see the minis!!! I loved everytime they popped up like mini cosplayers.

That outfit of Blair is one of my all time faves. Particularly the colors of the skirt

Oh Nate, even if he knows Blair's motives are never pure, he stills accepts her invitation. Go figures.

This has got to be Chuck and Serena's most funny conversation ever. Both of their expressions during the whole thing are hilarious.

"I don't have a romantic body in my body. Least of all that one" Honestly who came up with these lines ��😂

Looking back there were many sings of how obsessed Dan was with public opinion and his weird behaviors' for example take this throwaway line from Rufus: he still reading those Dan and Serena should they or not threads. Like what?

Dan: turns out I'm an ass but a passionate minority thinks I'm just and idiot. Yep pretty much the public opinion nowadays too.

This is so one of my fave chair lines! "The thing that always fascinated me about you: the cool exterior, the fire below" 😉

The whole scene honestly, from the way her eyes roll back to his smug smile at the end 🔥🔥🔥

Considering what happens in the second half of this season is kind of interesting to note that so far every single interaction between Blair are Nate is really passive aggressive.

Gotta give it to Vanessa even though she's freaked out after finding out Nate is sleeping with Catherine, she stills gives him a chance to explain

That scene between Catherine and Blair was actually good, because they both are right, Catherine can't stop Nate from doing what he wants, and there are things that Blair can't give up on, even if she thinks so.

Is there an emergency box for Serena Van der Woodsen? Well she lives there douche. But even if there was, what's the problem with that?

The whole Jenny & Eleanor storyline makes me feel lowkey sad for Blair, like this epiaode shouldn't Eleanor be at that party? It was parents/students thing, but Eleanor is at her atelier accepting from Jenny the kind of honest commentary she would never take from Blair

It's almost depressing to see Blair throwing herself at that Marcus guy

Chuck's "fake" accent, except it wasn't 🤭

And finally!!! All that pent up sexual frustration had to went somewhere

I'm living of Serena having moments like this one: "Fine, you know what? Life is not fair because it doesn't fit with the way you, Dan Humphrey, think it should be. But why are you always right?" Because this is it, the real crux of it, and why they keep having the same fight

Im so done with the Marcus storyline, because yes she wants his tittle, but she ain't also wrong because he kept treating her in a way that was so meh. Poor Chuck, though, but then again he kind of puts himself into this situations by ignoring his feelings at first and then they explode in his face anyway

I felt for Vanessa the whole episode, not used to that.

This Dan and Serena break up is so frustrating to watch because basically they're ending because Dan just won't meet her halfway. She's not asking him to give up all his ideals, only that he don't judge her for who she is.

I feel like Vanessa was more understanding to Nate's situation than Dan could have ever been with Serena.

For an episode that started quite sunny and happy it sure had a sad ending. Almost everyone ends up feeling pretty miserable.

This episode was one I remember mostly for that Chuck and Blair scene at that party were he's trying to seduce her, also the whole blockade thing was hilarious, this time around however while I still love those Chuck and Blair bits, I did find myself getting more invested in Nate and Vanessa and even more surprisingly on the argument between Dan and Serena, their break up scene really frustrated me.

Let's go first with the Nate, Catherine and Vanessa storyline. This is such a messed up plot, then again most of Nate’s plot that involved his family had a tendency to be that way. I may not like the details sometimes but what I do like about is how these kind of plots really showed the amount of pressure Nate’s family put on him. At this point in the show Nate’s only seventeen and yet he has to find a way to keep his mom’s head above water, so he falls prey to this woman who is just awful. Is no wonder he wanted to be with Vanessa again because she’s literally a breeze of fresh air, so far removed from his messed up world which is exactly what he needs, and yet is inevitable that she gets caught up in all the scheming and nastiness in the end. She lies to him in order to help him which is sad because help him still leaves him as prey to this woman, but that’s what I really like about this plot, Vanessa’s willingness to be there for Nate and also how understanding she was of the situation.

Vanessa, same as Dan, tends to be judgmental of others and comes from a background that has a more black and white view of morality, she was also raised by a family who despises everything the UES side represents. So imagine what it must have been for her to find out that Nate is sleeping with an older woman for money, that goes against her morals and her beliefs, she’s disgusted by the situation, and yet when Nates begs her to let him explain, she does and she ends up while not exactly approving of the situation, he understands why he’s doing it, and she tells hims that this can only bad for him and that whe should stop it, becaause he’s better than this, and she says it mainly because she in fact is concerned about him and see the best in him. This is why I like her relationship with Nate, because I feel they gave each other some needed perspective, through him she learns that not everything is black and why and that’s there a reason of why people does certain things, and through Vanessa Nate’s gets in touch with a much saner world were he can be himself.

On the other hand, we have Dan and Serena, who for the last two episodes have been avoiding the fact that they have issues and they must be faced if they want to move forward, and it’s pretty easy to see why they were putting it off, because the moment they do it obvios that they can’t really solve them. The source of the conflict is the same as always, they keep having the same fight, except to me there’s a difference this time around, at Bart’s brunch and at the wedding Dan’s issues with Serena’s world were also framed with the fact that he discovered something about Serena he feels he can’t deal with, it annoy me both occasions at the Brunch because they had barely met and he was mad because she wasn’t the girl he thought almost as if she had deceive him, and it was like dude you guys met like yesterday, chill. At the wedding he had more of a right to be mad, because she had lied to him a lot, so one could understand his resentment with the UES in the sense that it had shaped Serena to be the kind of person that acts wildly and lies and whatever else he wanted to claimed. This time however he gets mad because the elevator situation serve as reminder of how she’s “more important” than him because she’s part of the 1%. They start arguing literally because they won’t help him as quickly as if she was her. Is it unfair? Yeah, but If we’re goint go be objective about it the mere existence of a 1% priviledge class is unfair to the the other 99%. But that’s life, and the majority of us have to deal with that, and that doesn’t mean we can be assholes to people that have been nice to us.

When he meets Serena he already knows she’s an UES princess, so if he really has a “eat the rich” mentality, why did he got involved with her? And is not like Serena was condecending or mean to him because he wasn’t rich as her, and yet he acts as if he had dated S2 Blair who was an elitist bitch to him every single time they interacted. He may also be not extremely rich as Serena, but he wasn’t poor at all. Correct me if I’m wrong but the kind of loft he lives in, at Dumbo ain’t cheap. So the way Dan acts if he had dated said a girl from a lower income background she had the right to be a total bitch to him, because he was more priviliged? Serena herself says it the best: "Fine, you know what? Life is not fair because it doesn't fit with the way you, Dan Humphrey, think it should be. But why are you always right?” and this is prove that theirs is not a relationship problem, is exclusively a Dan problem. Serena says to him she can’t change who she is, and is not like she’s saying I won’t change the way I act, is not related to that, because their “problem” literally refers to who she is: her last name, the family she was born to. To that Dan says, I can’t change who I am either, and that's the thing Dan! hers is a matter of being, his is a matter of thinking, and she can’t change her family, but you can change the way you think, and it’s not even a drastic change, he doesn’t have to change his ideals, rather just be understanding and accept her for who she is. If one thinks about i Vanessa did a better job with Nate on that topic this episode than Dan ever did, so it can be done, it can be resolved, he just refuses to do it Serena doest thing through the series that definately add to their problems, their parents situation doesn’t help either, but this episode really shows that the root of their issues is Dan.

Finally, there’s Chuck and Blair, who keep having the most amazing chemistry ever, and the sexual tension in their scenes is off the charts. This episode really relays on the fact of the amount of desire they feel for each other, which seems super fitting at this point in the series because while it’s clear they have deep feelings for each other, desire was what first brought them together, yet they both believe this episode that desire isn’t as exclusive as feelings, it’s easier to feel desire and so they think they can easily find it in other people, but what they discover this episode is that sadly that wasn’t the case. In Blair’s case it has to do in part with the fact that Marcus doesn’t really sees her that way, which makes me sad because here she is again dating a guy who refuses to be passionate about her, but even if he did, she’s forcing the passion, is not really there and can she honestly live like that? Like something is missing? Sadly, no. Oh she’s going to try, not only this season in fact, but is never going to fully substitute the one she has with Chuck.

Chuck faces the same issue, in quite a very literal way, which is hilarious. Chuck Bass playboy extraordinarie is suffering from a “blockage”, a very PG-13 way of saying that he can’t get it up, which is obviously a big tragedy for a guy like him, that amuses Serena to no end even if she can’t quite believe it. Anyway, this is the way that Chuck learns that feelings can win over desire, and that ther is more to sex than just a momentary physical pleasure, which is something he really need it to learn. As long as he can frame what he feels for Blair as mere desire, nothing beyond really good chemistry, is easier for him to see his pursuing of her as only a matter of seduction, easier to ingore that it hurts that she’s with someone else, and his regret over the fact that this whole situation was his own doing, at the end he finally admits to himself that is more than seduction, which is why I believe all his plots from here on are more based on getting her to go to him, not because she desires him, but because she needs him. But that’s for the next episode.

Random bits I’ve noticed:

Because later on this show got to the point of being like Chuck had no culture whatsover, and as such Blair couldn’t possibly have any intellectual talk with him, I would like to point out that he mentions madame butterfly as a reference to the Japanesse flight attendant, which means he knows the opera. And I can totally picture him, listening to opera from time to time just because, he’s dramatic and larger than life sometimes. It fits him.

He also mentions Little Lord Fauntleroy which is a children book, and I like to believe he at least got one decent nanny while growing up and that she gave it to him.

Finally a pic of the minis, because I love them

#gossip girl #gossip girl recap #gossip girl rewatch #2x03 #the dark night

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syncogon · 4 years ago

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sad only 480p version this time, and delayed. oh well, temptation too strong, and clips on the weibo looked promising, so let’s go

mjy sighhh i guess he’s just dumb not malicious but man

“the truth isn’t important” glasses shing. oh wow that hair swish tho that was like unnecessarily well animated hahaha

iiiii just want jhx to tell off yy!! i think that’d be great, what a faceslap! also wtf is this thing? iron supplements?? a spray? icy-hot? 铁打损伤喷雾?? god i spent like five minutes trying to mouse-trace those characters and i still don’t know if this is supposed to be significant or if it’s just significant that jhx caught yy doing shady shit

anyway given music / context it seems jhx is annoyed at what yy is doing? so yay friggin finally. “our classes aren’t at nanhua” nice

“xu-da” vs “xu-ge” hmm. anyway jhx don’t fall for the lies. jhx is like sx, annoying and chuuni but probably isn’t as obnoxiously awful as he first appears... probably.... maybe.

goddd sucks that the full version of this op is kinda weird, because i LOVE this op so much like holy crap. jiyi bei yingfu huanxing....

man now im like stressed about the yf at the airport scene. trailer showed an airport. what’s gonna happennn

this exchange about dd feels so weird like it sounds like ctg is trying to explain they’re not in any pre-relationship or smth but maggie is like “i don’t mind” in a way that makes it sound like she wouldn’t mind if they’re together? what??? but whatever

ok i really enjoy this cr/yf dynamic. like i feel like it’s a bit ooc and yf as portrayed here is maybe too far on the acquiescence but also it’s really funny and sparks joy for me so i’ll buy it. i’m happy to see like established relationship stuff i think bc i generally don’t in the stuff i watch. speaking of which i’m super glad that they didn’t make the awful dumb move of trying to insert like Another wack love triangle drama dynamic thing in this like the fans want yecong and tianmai!!

wowwww it’s so nice how supportive cr is being tho like i love to see it!

handholding!! soft!! nice inversion of the earlier part where cr is bandaging his fingers. but like -

WHY DOES SHE HAVE MARKS/CALLUSES ON HER THUMB AND NOT HER PINKY??? like ok i have not played ukelele but i sure have my own share of stringed instrument finger calluses and you don’t?? press on the string with your thumb???

still, they’re trying, it’s a cute detail, i appreciate it. i liked that one wwgk review i watched yesterday that pointed out s1 was like a coming of age story disguised as a music story, whereas s2 is like a real music story....

wait this is incredibly cute wtf. oh my god.

YF SIGHED/FACEPALMED AT THAT? COME ON!! WTF THAT’S SO RUDE? THAT WAS ACTUALLY LIKE PRETTY GOOD?? AND SHE DID THIS JUST FOR YOU? like maybe not performance ready but bro she’s learned for two days!! also holy shit the strumming animation is really good for smth like this im impressed! that reminds me of the like actually legit violin animation they showed in the trailer yo im so ready

like i totally understand the frustration (damn, maggie’s face... 3 free performances? really?) but also i feel SO BAD FOR CR HERE this is so awkward oh my godddd at least ctg like tries to apologize to her (and cr’s reaction to this whole thing is also v solid, good for her) but still like damn

aww ahh man im glad maggie still like! supports encourages cr here! that’s also char dev being able to like get past her own complicated emotions at least for this sort of gesture

awwww i also like seeing maggie’s coping, the happiness philosophy i always thought that was super interesting. she’s a great char! and i think running is good

animators animate a girl running normally challenge

oh nice you have to walk a bit after sprinting, good

the train track scenes are so pretty wahhh

does... does the track just end there? what

the ~significance~ of maggie now sharing this piece of her that used to be a yf thing, with ctg

also excellent bgm - oh omg it’s og soul link remix!!!

“i don’t want you to go”

MY GOD HE’S FINALLY MAKING A REAL MOVE. and one based in real friendship. GOD FUCKING FINALLY CTG AAAAAA she’s cryyying man this exchange is also pretty cute ngl

i can’t believe they figured this out a full 4 episodes before the finale

this is so pretty here wahhhhhh i wanna ss the whole thing in 1080p

awhhhhhh

they never released pink twilight shanghai!! i want this ver!!!

aww yayyy open still cheering her on - YF BE NICE TO YOUR GF COME ON

haha this is like reverse of cr tutoring him - WAIT YEAH YF YOU WERE A SHITTY ASS STUDENT COMPARED TO HER BE EXTRA NICE

also remixed dream i dig it! sounds like new lyrics?

julliard hahahaha

dong dong goddess

HAHAHA did dd just steal ctg’s fries

ctg: expressing some deep thoughts

me: just watching dd

“forever confident, forever happy”

wait sooooooo are they a thing now or what did that count as a confession

“and qing’er is finally here” WHAT’S THE TEAAAAA WE STILL DON’T REALLY KNOW

“im a guitarist this is fine” YOU GO DD I LOVE YOU

BEACH EPISODE BEACH EPISODE BEACH EPISODE

omg oyzq. you’d think they were trying to extort a confession from him. what the hell is this instrument he said what is a xiao 箫. A WOODEN FLUTE? YOOO THAT’S COOL my god PLEASE let us get some kickass trad/modern fusion music im so ready

“i trust ouyang” ahhh double char surnames are cool

HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK

“because i’m about to have surgery on my knee” REALLY? REALLY? IS THIS REALLY HOW YOU’RE GOING TO JUSTIFY ALL THIS? FOLKS I AM LOSING MY SHIT I HAVEN’T LAUGHED OUT LOUD LIKE THIS IN SO LONG

ok this is interesting tho he’s not a dick for the hell of it it’s out of desperation or smth. but like half a year, oh no, what a horror. (i’m fresh out of hb feels ok you shaddap // tho i can also imagine the knife, like in lotus bloom, where they didn’t think szp’s injury was permanent). tho i do also like the “then we’ll be seniors we won’t have time to perform” but also that’s just a reminder that all of these ppl are like frigging 16 year olds and i still cannot take this seriously

i like “i didn’t expect, that i couldn’t give you the confidence to win”. god im so glad this confrontation is happening. man this feels like a wrap up already are they really spending all 3 last episodes on the competition? what’s the story gonna be?

feel like he’d be less ugly with hairstyle that looked more consistently like this. anyway sucks that both of them are so ugly otherwise there’s some nice sun/moon (+stars?) imagery you can get going here

GROUP CHAT GROUP CHAT GROUP CHAT

pretty! i wanna save this hq

it’s this bgm!!! godd i just want this track so bad

an empty beach?? in china near shanghai???

anyway ahhh it’s the iconic beach shot! i like how the promo ver cuts out dd lmfao

wow nine episodes in and cookie finally gets a character moment??? cookieeeeeeee i missed you

ok i can’t ship them he calls her shifu but also THIS IS SUCH A CUTE FRIENDSHIP calling every day 10 minutes?? wow!! i love dongdong and i love cookie. also this hits different in covid times “no one says that we can’t be friends because of distance”

oh i guess they are pushing this as a ship. meh.

wahhhhh. need this hq then i have more propic material.

HE HAS COVID

ah lang is VIBING oh to be the ah lang of my own life. parasurfing. walking into poles.

wow this is so modern! the red bag thing! wow i do love this show flexing the modern-ness

this is the mercedes benz arena im SURE of it ahhhh holy crap this crowd. oh to be in a crowd without mask

IT’S THIS DUDE AGAIN like the trailer spoiled this but if i found out this right here right now i would’ve lost my shit my god hahhaah

im like torn about how i feel about cr’s dress like idk if it fits her well even if it’s pretty

oh im scared i hope this doesn’t become embarrassing

OMG THEY INCLUDED PENCIL SKETCH OF THAT S1 SCENE. HAHAHA. char growth yayyyyy

ok anyway im happy!! spent like an hour watching this or something lmao but good times!! much better than last ep HAHA yayyy im so glad we’re finally at the comp and lots of these little things have been tied up now im ready for new song drops!!!

#music up #mine #synco talks

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overly-ironed-waffle · 4 years ago

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alright so my husband woke me up the other week saying he felt like he might be getting sick, so I should start taking my immune boosting stuff just to be safe (cause I have a much weaker immune system)

then my youngest daughter went to bed with a cough around thanksgiving. woke up the next morning with a really bad phlegmy cough.

my oldest has been mildly congested but not too bad.

i started to feel sick around, idk, 11/29? maybe? it was just a few days after my youngest. it came on pretttttyy quick once it started to set in.

two days ago i was in bed delirious, fever, just death. awful headcold. chest was meh but wasnt bad.

yesterday, head started to feel better, mild headache tho. but my chest was beginning to feel worse. every time i would move, i felt like i was gonna pass out. i kept crying cause i hated how my lungs felt (and then trying not to cry cause it obv made it so much worse)

today, my head feels totally fine but my lungs are still awful. if i don’t move, i think i feel okay. but as soon as i change position or get up to pee, i’m like “oh god what happened to being capable of breathing???” (i have weak lungs anyways, so being out of breath is not new for me but it’s not usually this bad.)

anyways, idk. i really don’t think i have covid, esp cause how weak my lungs and immune system are i have a feeling it would be REAL BAD for me if i did, kinda like when i had the flu for over a month and a half earlier this year.

buuuuuut i still have a test scheduled early next week, cause im supposed to start work soon and i figured it would be better safe than sorry, right?

idk. i feel like maybe im overreacting by scheduling one? i keep trying to tell myself its not that bad, but then i cant even get enough energy behind a breath to really talk, let alone scold my kids if they are misbehaving. i even haven’t had the strength or energy to be able to hold my senior (14+y/o) cat down to give him his antibiotics. so like, maybe it is kinda bad? but idk, it doesn’t feel like it cause my head is functional, i’m not feverish anymore (my temp is a LITTLE elevated; normally is around 97, and currently is at 98; so I feel warm but it’s prob fine), I can still taste which is a good sign (my sense of smell sucks anyways, so i can’t say much on that point), and my stomach is always fucked up, so it’s hard to say if any GI symptoms are related or not. its really just my lungs at the moment thats kinda like... blegh. and i have an occasional cough since my lungs feel thick/heavy.

also im super pissed cause somehow my test that i originally scheduled for monday, IN TOWN, got cancelled??? and luckily i went to check cause I forgot what time it was supposed to be, cause otherwise i wouldn’t have noticed. so i had to reschedule, but they didn’t have anymore on monday OR in town, so I had to schedule one for tuesday out of town. the idea of driving is so daunting rn, i dont even have the strength/energy to drive to the store across the street 😩

anyone who’s gotten tested, what should i expect? i can’t imagine it to be any worse than strep testing.

send tea & GF banana nut muffins pls.

#overly ironed waffle #sick #chronically sick #covid test #covid #head cold #personal #stressed #stressy and depressy #i need sleep #nervous #uncomfortable #questions #story #i know i type out long things and over explain #im so sorry

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lovemesomesurveys · 6 years ago

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The last person you kissed treat you right? He used me and played me for a fool. Would you be shocked if the last person you had feelings for texted you? Yes. I haven’t heard from him in so long. He even deleted his Facebook and Instagram last year, so he completely went off the grid. I’d be very surprised to hear from him now. Is this upcoming year going to be a good one for you? It didn’t start off so great. What if you had a baby with the last person you texted? Um no. The last person I texted was my mom.

Who knows your biggest secrets? You guys know quite a bit about me if you read my surveys.

Are you in a good mood? I’m tired. Does it bother you when people respond with one word texts? Usually, yes. I mean, unless that’s all it required. Otherwise it makes it hard to keep the conversation going. Sometimes though I’ll send something that doesn’t really need a response and then I’ll get a text back with “okay” and I’m just like, really? Are you starting to realize anything? Nothing new. Did you have braces? Not for my teeth. Have you ever ran from your own parents? No.

Are you afraid of clowns? They can be pretty creepy.

Is there someone you are dying to see? No.

Do you have any hickeys on you? No. Are you currently looking forward to anything? Hopefully seeing Us today.

Is your hair long enough to put in a ponytail? Yeah. Is there anyone you wish you could be spending time with right now? No. It’s almost 3AM I should be going to sleep. Will this Friday be a good one? *shrug* Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? I really can’t picture that to be honest. What is your current mood? Tired. Did the last person you kissed name start with a J, C, B, I, R, S, Q, L or A? J. Who last poked you on Facebook? Is that even still a thing? Is it harder to be rejected or to reject someone else? I mean, it really sucks when it happens to you, but both feel horrible. Especially when you know how it feels. What did you fall asleep thinking about last night? A lot of things as usual.

Who is someone who puts up with you no matter what? My family. They’re the real MVPs.

Last person to call you? My mom. Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? Yes. Do you like to take walks? No.

Were you happy when you woke up today? I haven’t gone to bed, yet. However, I don’t wake up feeling anything but tired at first.

When was the last time you cried? Yesterday.

Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? Meh. What are you planning on doing after this? Go to bed. Do you crack your knuckles? Sometimes. Will tomorrow be better than today? Who knows, man.

Is there a girl you would do anything for? Yes.

Is there a boy you would do anything for? Yes.

Who IMed you on facebook last? My aunt.

What were you doing at 4am? It’s only 2:37AM. Hopefully by 4 I’ll be asleep. Have you ever liked someone who treated you badly? Yes. Are you a jealous person? I can be.

Hate the last person you kissed? No.

Are you someone who hates to read? No, I love to read.

When was the last time you went in the car past midnight? I don’t remember.

What was the last thing you ate? Ramen. Who was the last person to text you? My mom. How is your hair? It’s a mess.

Could things possibly get any better? I sure wish they would. What color shirt are you wearing? White. How important are looks to you? I can’t say they don’t matter at all, but they’re not the most important thing. Personality means a lot more to me.

Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? We wanted to, why else. Is your hair longer than your shoulders? Yeah, it’s down to my butt. The shirt you’re wearing, does anyone else have it? I’m sure. What was the last movie you watched? On TV it was No Strings Attached.

Did you straighten your hair this morning? I haven’t straightened my hair in years. Who would you like your next “fling” to be with? I don’t want a fling. Is any part of your body sore? Of course. Do you like the rain? I love it. When you cry, do your eyes change colors? No.

Were your last two kisses with the same person? Yeah. Will you be in a relationship in the next couple months? Nope. Do you have trust issues? No, not really. Have you been kissed by someone with the name starting with J, B, C, or S? J. Do you have alcohol in your house? Yeah. Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? I most certainly could. Have you ever woken up next to someone and were freaked out? No, thankfully. You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, any problems? It would be incredibly awkward just cause we haven’t seen or talked to each other in years. Would you ever get a tattoo? I don’t know if I’ll ever muster up the nerve to get one. Could you see yourself dropping out of high school? I graduated high school. Have you ever kissed someone who smokes? No. What are you listening to at this moment in time? An ASMR video. How are you wearing your hair? Messy pony tail. If you were paid 1 million dollars to spend the night in a supposed haunted house, would you? Ughhh. I’d sure like the money, but I’m a big scardy cat. Could I have a family member do it instead? I’d still benefit, ha.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for five months? Yeah.

Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? Nope. When is the last time you were at a beach? Last summer.

Think back to October, were you with someone? Nope.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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abyss-mal-blog1 · 6 years ago

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current mind-space//word vomit

it’s amazing how much can change in a few days, but it hasn’t been a week since my finals ended and i already felt so different. i have been doing f45 everyday this week (if not then some kind of workout, but i’ve really been into that recently). i am feeling so much better now without deadlines, sometimes i don’t know if i function better under pressure or not. i guess not, but then it’s amazing how much i can do and achieve under pressure. i need the right amount of pressure, and this semester it has been a little difficult for me to get around that.

last friday was kinda my last day of finals, i just had an essay to submit, and i am disappointed in myself and my work ethic because i submitted it at 9pm, went to my cousin’s (disappointing) party, and then professor emailed me to say that she cannot read Pages format (seriously smh @ my tardiness!!!), only got back at 1am that night and sent my mediocre essay. i am a little sad about it because i know that is not my 100%. idk why but college so far has just been a series of 80% effort. this paper was an interesting one, on airbnb, on the sharing economy, it’s a performance studies paper where i analyze the hospitality platform in terms of host-user relationship, parasitism and (attempted) to talk about free online labor. it is a little too late now but i kinda want to work on it again and like, submit for feedback. maybe ill ask taylor.

last saturday was kinda meh, i agreed to go to a *social* kinda event at a bar/club at chelsea, held for Asian-ivy-alumni-people that yanlin invited me too. it was at up&up and honestly a little...i didn’t enjoy it at all. the music sucked, the people were either too dorky or gross or old or weird, and the whole time i just kept saying to myself, “never again”. they said it was open bar but they only served absolut, which was shit. and then my friend’s two friends were...i feel sorry that this was their first clubbing experience. at the beginning my reaction was look at all these ivy alumni! get hitched with one of them for ~da connectsx~ (and nothing else) but no kidding i was actually interested in talking to them just to get to know what people who graduated from ivies are up to, and what are they doing at such events...and are they actually enjoying themselves because it was really kinda gross. met my friend’s friend who seemed like a really smart engineer (he asked for my number the next day lol), and a german dude at the bar who didn’t want to get me a drink. all i needed that night was a drink.....(i’m glad i didn’t drink tho because recently drinking has made me feel all kinds of bad) we had ramen after at ramen-ya (most probably the worst ramen and charsiew i’ve had but what can we do at 3am and my friend wanted noodle and soup...)

on sunday i KNow i should have left my house earlier to workout but i didn’t. i was angry at myself that i didn’t. instead, i stayed at home and emotion-ate. i must have eaten more green bean soup than my stomach would have liked. what else...avocado? i remember..two bananas? god. this was the day i felt like i was n’s boyfriend because i had to do what she wanted to do. i know i had agreed on going, but at that point i really wanted to go thrifting or something. i mean when i got to central park it was fine and things were good but the whole day just felt like i was kinda pulled into doing something that wasn’t my first choice of plans, not that i didn’t enjoy myself lying under the sun at the park. it just felt like i was accompanying someone. i was half an hour late to meet her as well, and half heartedly got a burrito-wrap at newsbar. if you think about it it is really kinda funny, we’re just buying food and taking the subway to this grass patch 50 blocks away. we didn’t walk much, we literally only stayed at a little grassy slope overlooking the baseball pitch. anyway we went to a dance class after (the class was an hour long but i felt like n had asked me about when and what time we should book the classes for more than an hour by text so i just got really sick of it) i rushed home and got dinner with my uncle who’s in town for my cousin’s graduation. i was surprised that he chose the same japanese restaurant again, after dissing it half a year ago we ate here. the omakase was crazy and it cost 230 per person. (for the most expensive set) it was also kinda dumb because you aren’t allowed to order a different omakase set from anyone else - everyone on the table has to order the same - because of “timing”. i wonder if this is how it is in japanese omakase etiquette, but in any case it really earned them a hefty amount because my uncle decided to get 230 for all of us. qiyang didn’t like and said qiqi had bad taste, hahaha. the food wasn’t bad, i mean it’s japanese fusion, but the prices were way too steep for the taste. anyway enough about the food, during the dinner i think we talked about many things though. i kinda wanted to talk to my uncle individually because i think he is the only one who knows about ah gong, but he was sick, and i could tell he was exhausted. my aunt got a little impatient because i didn’t arrange plans to take their furniture and they were going to throw all of them away and it was actually the first time i’ve seen her get so worked up - but at the same time trying to control her emotions - because she was talking to me. i could tell she was annoyed though but i tried not to take it personally, and arranged it tomorrow.

arranging the moving stuff was kinda last minute, i was walking to the library for work one day and i saw a truck that said MakeSpace. i assumed it was a kind of moving company and so i looked them up. they seemed to be pretty okay in terms of their services and so i decided to try them out. confirmation and setting up an appointment went pretty smoothly, except for the part where the guy i think his name was joseph, asked me to give my credit card details over the phone. idk why i did that! i stopped though, and asked him why, to which he replied he wanted to key in with the coupon code. this service has so much gimmicks within the first 2-3 minutes on the phone he was already telling me about how the first pick up is free, and that he will deduct 100$ off the first month...when people give you discounts too easily it just feels like a ploy and a thing they give to everyone, it’s not anything special and it’s probably calculated inside whatever we have to pay. anyway, i was just thinking it would be cheaper (assuming the maximum that i would have to pay is ~$500, as i confirmed with them on the phone yesterday), it’d still be cheaper than starting an apartment lease now and going through the trouble of finding two subletters.

well. idk, it’s also easy to have things all moved in, i have to find a place to store my perishables!

moving is so much work, and storing things. this reminds me of my paper on airbnb and about the digital nomad lifestyle. it is interesting though, that this is what it has become. but the homogenized aesthetic is something i really cannot stand, in airbnb, in coffeeshops around the world..i am sure you know what i’m talking about. a new york times writer did something about this - he termed it “Airspace” - and apparently it originated from Brooklyn. I guess that’s where the art/avant-garde stuff started. well. keep a look out im gonna write a blogpost about that

moving on

nat came to sleepover on sunday night and a few days after because the school kicks you out of the dorms you pay so much for right after your final ends. i forgot if we did something fun but i probably just fell asleep.

on monday i think i went to f45 and did cardio at Dumbo with Gi. he seems like a pretty nice trainer, the first time i went it was him and another girl Bertha (i think my first f45 was last tuesday) and i felt like i had two personal trainers with me - Gi was cheering me on and Bertha was doing it with me. it felt like such a good workout, one of the best ive had in a while. then work, where i arranged the movers stuff. i also realized i bought the wrong date for my flight ticket as my friends and had to buy one more...............

tuesday was the same f45 in the morning, and the bobst after. didn’t really get much work done at bobst. oh i also viewed a 3BR flex at 160. hella expensive and small, and dates didn’t work out anyway. also the broker who brought us to view the apartment was a very nice tall french man and his name was jean-francois which i couldn’t pronounce and asked nat but still called him jean as in jeen instead of john. this is why i have to learn french. you’re embarrassing. i also went to the itp/ima spring show with shubham which was super cool. there were many cool ideas, and i just wonder if i could create something like that. i didn’t get to see all of the exhibits which i regret, but i remember a few notable projects. one was an installation made with keyboards that randomly clicks, but when you hold your phone up it’ll stop. it’s made using 3d gestures. there’s also one at a gallery for surveillance, this team had a thing they call facebox, and it’s literally a box, that when you open it has a webcam that would capture your face, find you on facebook, and print out an invoice/receipt on how much you have earned for this giant tech company. what else...an AR project that when you scan a food, it shows you where the food comes from. nat said that she would love it if menus have something they could scan and then have pictures appear in ~holographic~ format, or maybe in the nearer future something on your phone that shows you a picture of the picture of the food. but isn’t it a surprise tho? sometimes the fun’s in the surprise, you read the description, you know what are the foods you’ll eat, leaving room to imagine or be surprised by how the chef puts it together! anyway, went for dinner with nat and jenny - got vegan shwarma (definitely wasn’t worth $14) and went to get crepes with will after.

wednesday we were gonna go to the dmv but we weren’t prepared. nat also needed to get her passport and she was lazy. wow the number of times i mentioned her, it feels like she’s my boyfriend at this point. talked to famz, sister, and beatrix. am currently considering if i should even go to beijing or just go straight home. fuck. went to bobst for work but no one was there i was just really sleepy. viewed an apartment at 55 morton (it’s a nice quiet residential street that seems to be tucked away from the loud cars and bars and people) then i went to f45 again-varsity!!! cardio!!!, walked across brooklyn bridge (a little regret although i wanted to walk, but my bag was heavy and there were too many tourists to brisk walk)

also the reason for this is that after my soba/miso/salad/shrimp dinner last night i was just watching a bunch of netflix shows and it was probably the caffeine from puerto rican roasting company - the barista made me a chai cappuccino with almond milk (3 SHOTS!!!)

me and nat couldn’t sleep, i really think i slept for an hour. i watched so many different shows, yoko and john’s documentary, while we were young, anthony bourdain, i was seriously flipping through all the shows and alternating between amazonprme and youtube and netflix and i even tried watching peaceful cuisine and making the brightness lower and had the sleep mode on and wow i just couldn’t sleep

so yeah the birth of this word vomit

i am going to create more things

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queencryo · 6 years ago

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@silly-go-round is asleep right now.

i guess i should make a journal for the past few days. as good a time as any. as AMY. heh. cuz shes super good and amazing. heh.

uh...... lessee.... for the two days after the last journal i just. hung out at the house while silly worked. i managed to not keep her in bed and make her late the second day. hung out a lot, watched more adventure time, worked on my tumblr filter script (lie. i judt ran it on my main. 200 posts / day is a bitchhhh) , played a good amount of ds3 (to pointof tetris effect at a couple points the nexg few days)

also did some like. helpful tasks. washed some dishes (undone quicklu, but. eh). not enough, mot as much as i shouldve, but... i tried i guess.

alao we've like. said the same thing at the dame time a Lot while ive been here and its like. nice. its really nice. same wavelength! i feel so close go her.

oh! alxo night before last we went grocery shoping. got food for prolly enoygh for the two weeks, but i guess we'll see. also a cheesecake! it was.... echausting. hily fuck it was exhaysting. jesus. the store was big and it took like 3 hours and $200 to get everything but. we did itttt.

we both mentionef that like. it felt nice to like. have a full fridge 2gether. cuz. it feels like were gonna have a futjre togetjer? u know. like that is. i love her a lot and it feels good for this to feel like a home for a little while. we hope that it can be so in tbe future.

so YESTERDAY she finally FINALLY taught me how to play magic the gathering. it was. a long time coming. but she brought me into the store and like. sat me down w some regulars and had me play commander. i played moooostly her snake deck, so like.that was fun!! i kept talki g about how i woulda gotten lorescale Coatl up to 39/39 and flying, had i like. gotten q more turn. but on that game D was running a mill deck that was. extremely long to play (that game took like ~>2 hours ugh), and was very bery annoying, so i didnt get to actually do that.

but it was fun! part of me wants to blog everything, but i dont think i will.

im glad to be able to use silly's decks, bc i dont think i want to make my own. im considering making a cheap angel deck or smth, but we'll see if yhat actually ends up happening.

i also met her girlfriend Iz, who is sweet. i played magic w her fkr a while, which was fun! she was runni g an annoying mono black deck (i kkow all these... these Terms and Words now, its incredible...)

shes sweet and i think i like her. dunno if enough to date yet (which makes me Partially regret flirting w her so much in the groupchat but. hey)

talked w her some, mostly about magic, hung out while silly closed the store, pet her cat, silly discovered that cyddling w TWO girlfriends is very nice (not rhat id know ;;;;;;;), was good times. i dont think im as comfy w izzy physically yet as i may have implied in messages, which hopefully wull be rectified by the message i just sent her (my initial physical comfort with people varies, it depends very much on the person)

skip forward, me and silly make a pizza at home cuz were fuckin tired, she admonishes me for not eating for uh... like 11 hours or smth (that mornings bagel was VERY good tho omg), but adderall, so like... meh.

uh... i dont think anything else on yesterday...

today! we waaamted to go to the store at like. 2. but in actuality got there at like! 330.

i went back to sleep cuz im a losenerd, and she. made this breakfast casserole thing. which hse put into a bagel abd brought to me bc i guess shes the best person on the entire earth oh my GOD. jesus

skip... apparently she knows maximum the hormone and doesnt like them very much... fair fair. (cause for xeath)

came to the store agai. tofay. it was fun and good. iz didnt come in today, do played some more with regulars. played w what is apparently called a blink deck, which revolvea arounf exiling cards then immediately bringing them back, to capitalize on "when this enters battlefield, do smth" cards. neat!

i DID actually manage to win today!!! the victory was. literally handed to me, but like. thats fine! i was playing silly's uhhh... elintor the masked? idr her name :( the mask planewalker! deck, which. i had SO much land, most of wh8ch was enchanfed. meaning it could be tapped then untapped w eljntor's thing, then tapped again for DOUBLE MANA. i mean. i had like 9/turn even b4 that but. BUT. i also had. i think i drew 3 creatures total. bit anyway. i had the white card that gave me a life whenever a creature was put on tge board (and also, w another enchantment, made all non-me creagurss and enchantments enter the board tapped, so. nya). so... rob had a card what dealt one damGe to all other players whenevr he puta. creature on the board. then he played united forces, which lets each player commit X mana to create X 1/1 soldier tokens on all players' boards. so. we made 28 white soldier tokens on everyones board. this killed perry, ans gave me, uh. 56 life (84 - 28). i then attacked ron for 28 w the soldiers, and drew sacred mesa, which lets me sacrifice 2 mana (1 any color, 1 white, but i had so many cards that said "this land can instead be tapped for 2 of any color, so like. ueah) to create a 1/1 flying pegasus token. so i. ended the game w 44 white 1/1 tokens. goblins get fucked.attack w my ssoldiers cuz his were tapped, so brought him down to 7 life. i didng catch what he did w the enchantment, but i think he said he like. put a copy of every creature on my side of the board onto his board, and then. cipying that enchantment 3 times. so. holy FUCK. wow. BUT those all came in tapped and i had 18 flying yokens, so. i still won! yay!!!! i won a game of magic!!!!!

goblin decks scare me. stop running krenko you fucks. exponential goblins goddamn

silly would come by every so often and like. look over my dhoulder and say "oh that was dumb whyd u use fabricate for thay" which is fair. but also god i love her. (i used fabricate for a mana generator insteaf of lightning greaves. whateverrrr) i love her so much dear god. i wish i coukd help w the store more, but. on the same time i also. dont enjoy working. so. maybe part time.

hm. what ekse. oh yeah i kove her so much.

by the end of the night it was just. me and her, rob and the two regulars i started out llaying w yestwrday. theyre sweet, i like them. theyre married. the dude calls me honey smtimes, which is. kinda weird? dunno how i feel about that. i guess fine. its gender-nice, but still a lil uncomfy. otherwise i like em fien, though. but they talked abouy moving into sillys apt. so thats cool!! better than her current (awful, terrible, lazy / horrifically depressed / manchild roomate, who doesnt clean ever) roomate. i was reading the monster of the week gamebook thruout, which i... bought, for some reason. idk. oh also i wanna make a fallen angel divine, because im... predictableeee. also a conspiracy thworist whos just a trans woman w way too much time and really weird hobbies (throwing knices, butterfly knife, net friends, etc). also a spooky. i speny like. 3 hours reading thr7 the monster of the week book while ppl played magic around me. i kinda wish i hadnt bought it, but hey! its neat c:

oh, also i didnt take adderall today. i dont think it went toooo bad, i think i like. was meaner and less thohghtful with what i said, but like. i guess thats better than feared. i took a caffeine pill (200mg) at ariund 10 which is. prolly why im wide awake right now. i regret doing that, sincr from what shes said tmos gonna be big)

she says we gotta be at her moms by 4, for reasons she WONT TELL ME. bit she says its part of one of her plans, i ASSUME the romantic one? im kind of afraid that ill like. no-sell it unwillingly because im abroke and soulless human being, but uh. i guess rhats thw risks we take to be alive :shrug: im excited. were also going to a shop (diff one) tmo, which im Quite excited for, as ive only been in similar shops by accident before. also doing laundry!!! which is important ^_^

oh ysah. so we got white castle on the way home. its. yeah she was r8ght. mediocre-at-best sliders. onions are bad.

we also made a pizza. whifh i ate most of. i overate. sob.

she fell asleep halfway thry an episode of nailed it. cant blame her, she seemed really tired. i hipe i dont disturb her rwst. and i feel so utterly blessed thay i can be around her.

ih!! i also fell down the last few staies ywstersay. bruised my arms, but otherwise fine. it was. idk, it is nice to knoe that others worry fir me and like me. she was very concerned. i love her.

#blog #ohio trip 2 #journal

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soobin-chois · 3 years ago

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hi blu! it's santa again 🎅 i'm sorry to hear that it's cold! i'm from europe and it's been cold here too 😔 around 0°C every day... i'm not very good with cold. although i probably shouldn't admit it since i'm santa hahaha 😂

omg i was watching new time to twice yesterday and kept pausing the video because tzuyu looked so beautiful in a simple suit 😫 it's insane that she just looks like this!

wannabe is also my fave! it's uper catchy and it's the song that actually made me a fan! i like their title tracks because they're so easy to sing along too haha. it's always fun!

oh and zimzalabim is your fave from RV?? cool! and quite unique! i have to admit it took me MONTHS to grow to like it. i always thought it was meh but then one day it just hit me how fun and catchy the song is 😆 btw how did you like queendom? i was kinda disappointed because i expected something better after such a long break and i thought it was pretty average for their standards 😔 but i hope they come back soon, i already miss them! winter cb, pls sm! RV have one of my fave kpop discographies 💛

i actually don't know pixy very well but i just listened to wings and it's very good! i'll definitely listen again ☺️ there are so many groups that it's hard to keep up with everything so it's always nice to get a song rec 😉

oh, and if you don't mind, could you tell me a bit about yourself? like what do you do, what else do you like etc. whatever you want and feel comfortable sharing!

have a lovely weekend, blu! 💙

hfhdkj pls. but omg 0? compared to it it's warm here but ig it's bcse the lowst has been...16? maybe or 14. keep yourself warm fr

fkjdc women in suits :worshipping: thats what actually got me into pixy my friend showed me the mv and then i saw the suits and bifujkldxcncviol but yes tzuyu <3<3<3

tbh i liked zimzalabim soley bcse of the start at first then i just loved it's vibe. but monster >>> and even so good by seulgi? maam? honestly same power up was better than queendom but i mean it's still a fun song to listen too. i really hope the winter comeback is something like peek a boo man the song the mv everything. their vibes>> also seulgi in that movie holding a wine glass im gonna sob her.

ik there are so many grps fr like i do listen to momoland but havent got in the fandom yet. same with dreamcatcher.

ofc hm. i usually play sports, read books and like spotify is on 24x7. i love to read like in general too. fanfics and stuff. and netflix <33 love the colour blue / green but honestly anything pastel and soft is good. neon colours only look good in certain aspects and while i do not like pink, i love pink and green / purple and green combo. they give me cottage core / witchy vibes. i love the enemies to lovers trope for some reaosn sijkfclf. but otherwise hm... well i'm giving my exams rn (school last yr) n i used to be the football capt in school. i love the rain for some reason.

fdhk i realsed how long this is help sorry. but yes enjoy your weekend fr !!!!

#🎅#*asks #*anon

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b0blegum · 7 years ago

Text

A+ (end)

Author: b0blegum

Pairing: Changkyun x Reader (teacher AU)

Rating: R

Genre: s m u t, like smutty smut.

Status: PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | END

a/n Shit, i’ve never written a chaptered fic in one night, but look what i’m doing here? I have finished writing all parts! This actually meant to be posted yesterday as a celebration for Changkyun’s birthday though, but whatever. Hope you enjoy this smutty fic for our kinky maknae.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE WEIRDEST GENIUS MAKNAE, IM CHANGKYUN XO

18+ THINGS GOT HEATED HERE I WARNED YOU. AGAIN.

“Would the children like this?” You looked at your own reflection. Turning around to see yourself in a black cat onesie.

It was your one and only costume you had left from halloween last year. You’re never a big fan of halloween either, so you always wore just a simple costume, like this one. A onesie.

You gave a last touch to your face, swatching a soft pink lipstick on your lips and grabbing your purse.

“Wow, hold on.” You heard Minhyuk called you from the kitchen as he picked out the left over he had from last night’s take out.

“If you just want to roast me, fuck off. I am almost late.” You ignored him, walked to the front door.

“No, (y/n). Chill. Why are you so emotional 24/7? Are you on your period?” He chuckled.

“Then what were you gonna say?” You looked at him.

“Why are you wearing that? It’s not even halloween yet.”

“It’s costume day at school, Minhyuk. Everyone has to wear something.” You pointed to your onesie. “And i’m wearing this.”

“A cat. A black cat.” He nodded.

“Do you think the kids would like this costume?”

“Well. Kids love bright colors. Black, meh,” Minhyuk tilted his head. “I don’t think so.”

You stomped at the floor. “Then what should i do?” You whined. Minhyuk pointed at you and flattened his lips.

“You wore something princess-y for halloween two years ago.” He walked to your bedroom. “I think you should wear that. What was that? Alice?”

“Yes, Alice, but i don’t think i still have it here.” You followed him entering your own room. He began looking for it in your closet, in the box where you stored winter clothes and everywhere else he thought where you’d store it.

“There you go!” He squatted up with a blue and white dress already in his hand after a while of wild searching.

“Jeez, i didn’t even know it’s there.” You took the dress from him.

“Wear it.” He walked to your bed and sat at the edge of it. You quickly undressed and put on the thighs before wearing the Alice in the Wonderland dress.

It was quiet tight for you, remembering you wore it two years ago last time.

“Will you help me with the zipper?” You turned around with your back faced the guy on the bed. In no time his hand began working on the zipper but then you felt he stopped midway. “Hey? Zip it up.” You said.

“O– oh.” He continued. “There you go.” Minhyuk leaned back, supporting himself with his two arms.

“Why are you blushing?” You said after you turned yourself to him as you tied the bow around your stomach.

“N–no. I am not.” He sat up and walked out of your bedroom. “You better be hurry. It’s almost 9.”

You shook your head and smile. “Asshole.”

The school was a bit different today. There were a lot of colorful decorations along the hallway, kids were running in various costumes; animals, princesses, dream jobs and many other costumes their mom probably spent the night to made.

“Look! It’s Alice!” A kid with Ariel the mermaid costume shouted when you walked to your class.

“Hi, princess Ariel!” You turned around to greet her. The girl screamed and jumped in excitement.

“You’re Alice today?” Someone greeted you. This time you were sure, he wasn’t a kid.

Turning around, you saw someone in a suit, complete with a bow tie and a sleek hair do.

“And what are you?” You scanned him from head to toe. “A… prince?” You narrowed your eyes as he walked closer.

“Justin Timberlake.” He put his hand inside his pants pocket before he started walking along with you. You almost laughed at the way he confidently told you who he was today.

“Justin Timberlake?” You asked, holding your giggle.

“Yeah, why? Doesn’t fit me?” He opened his suit jacket, exposing his clothed torso.

“No. You look… cute.”

Somewhere inside you felt relieved. There was no awkwardness between the two of you after that happened. He didn’t text you nor call you, but at least he was still being himself and didn’t avoid you at school.

“You look… sexy.” He winked.

“What? Sexy? This is my halloween costume for two years ago, can’t you see it’s almost worn out?” You looked at your dress.

“Nope. Even if it’s worn out, it still hugs your curves perfectly.” He licked his lower lip.

“We’re at school, Changkyun.” You shook your head as you walked passed him, turning right to your class.

“You know we’re at school, yet you wear that?” He smirked. “Shut up.” You pushed the door and headed in.

“See you around, Alice.” He waved.

“See you around, Mr. Timberlake.”

You finally loosened yourself. You actually faked yourself to being calm in front of Changkyun. Like, how can you calm yourself when he looked so good in that suit? No– not just good, but he looked damn sexy in it. Plus, the way he styled his hair, gosh, he looked even more mature than his age.

“Oh– shit.” You put your purse on the table and began the class.

But… your mind was still on Changkyun. You began to imagine what’s hidden under that suit. What he had under that and how great it’d be if you could help him undress from layers of cloths. How great it’d be to just collided, skin to skin with him.

“Collided?” You snapped out of your thoughts. “What does collided mean, Ms. (y/n)?” Your mouth was ajar, realizing that you must’ve said something in your brain to the whole class.

“Uh–“ you smiled awkwardly. “That’s… oh– kids, i think it’s drawing time!” You cheered, changing the topic, feeling really, really embarrassed by yourself. Hours passed, but he was still in your thoughts. You said goodbye to the class and rushing to the teacher’s lounge to calm yourself. At this time, that room was most likely to be empty, plus, it’s costume day today, teachers would’ve busy preparing for the main event later at 1 PM.

You closed the door behind you and sighed as you leaned on it. Closing your eyes, you shook your head, hoping the dirty thoughts of him fucking you would go away.

“We meet again, (y/n)?”

“Oh– fuck.” Your eyes snapped open. “God, you scared me.”

“What are you doing here? Not helping other teachers?” He asked, sitting up from the couch and put his coffee on the table before he walked to you.

Shit, why is he here! “Uh– no. Why are you here?” What the hell, that was a lame respond.

“Let’s see. What am i doing here?” He tapped his chin and looked up, pretending to think as he kept walking towards you.

He was coming closer. His eyes was soon glued to you. He stretched his arm next to your head while the other was carefully locking the door.

“I’m doing… you.” He smirked, slowly his hand lifted your chin and brought his face closer to you. “What do you think about that, (y/n)?” He whispered, before he gave you a soft peck on your lips.

You could feel blood rushing through your system. Your heartbeats became unstable and your face reddened.

“That…” you stuttered. “Sounds like a good idea.” You smiled, eyes locked on his lips, silently begging for more kiss.

The boy would smirked and began hungrily kissing you.Moans started to slipped out of your mouth between kisses but then he covered your mouth with his hand and sshed you.

“Lower your voice, noona.”

Fuck, he that word again.

Changkyun already had his lips on your jaw. Slowly trailing it down your neck. Sucking it every once in a while and breathed on your skin. You bit your lips as he sucked the skin on your collarbone and when you felt his hand lifted your skirt and caressed the back of your thighs, all the way up until his hand finally cupped your butt and gave it a squeezed.

“Oh–“ you moaned. He kept squeezing your butt as he kissed you, biting your lips. The pleasure he gave you made you forget about everything, including the fact that he already had both of his hands on your butts and squeezed it even rougher before he lifted you up and brought you to the couch at the corner of the room.

He’d bumped you down rather roughly that you made an ouch sound when your head hit the couch. He didn’t even say sorry for that, instead, he began lifting your skirt and pulling off your tights.

“I hate this thing.” He threw it away and in no time, he already had his fingers on your clothed fold. Rubbing it gently as he had other hand squeezing your breast. “You’re wet already?” He smirked, pressing your fold, sending you to a sinful sensation that made you let out another moan.

He pulled aside the fabric and rubbed your now bare folds. He’d rubbed it painfully slow, up and down, teasing you by circling your clit with the tip of his finger.

“Changky–“ you moaned his name, hands grabbing his hair.

“What, noona?”

“Eat me.”

The boy did exactly as he said. He started licking your folds, circling your clit with it and pressed your opening.

“Fuck. Don’t–“ you moaned. “Stop.”

He sucked your clit and bit if softly. “You like it, noona?”

“Fuck, you’re good.” You arched your body up. One hand squeezing the couch. Changkyun began to put his finger in you as he kept licking your clit. You let out a groaned at the sensation he gave you. After awhile, he put another finger, curved them up to touch the place you’d never reached before.

“Fuck.” You moaned as he thrusted his finger faster and deeper. He’d kiss you back and explored your mouth with his tongue while you had your finger rubbing your clit. “Fuck, i’m– i’m close,” you bit his lip.

“You want to come now, noona?”

Nodding, you shut your eyes as you felt the orgasm was coming closer, but slowly, you felt the thrusting became weaker.

“Not that fast,” he took his fingers out. He broke the kisses and sat straight, started to unbuttoning his shirt.

“Fuck you.” You caught your own breath and sat straight up. You pushed him down so now he’s at the bottom. “How dare you tease me, baby boy?”

“Noo–na,” he startled at your action. He was always the one who leads, never had he thought you’d take the lead.

You kissed him hard as you helped him unbuttoning his shirt and took it off. “Nice packs.” You smirked as you traced his bare skin with your fingers down to his waist. He’d moaned at the feeling of your nails on his skin.

“Oh, you’re hard too.” You commented as you felt the bulge under the black fabric. You gave it a squeezed that sent the boy to let out a groaned. “Noona,” he called.

Slowly, you unzipped his pants and pulled it down. You began to rub his clothed member. “What do you want me baby boy?” You asked, squeezing his member one more time.

“Noona, suck me.” He moaned. You smiled at his request.

You pulled off his briefs and his member immediately sprung, touching his torso, showing you off the full length.

You grabbed his length and wrapped it with your hand, giving it a good rub before finally putting the tip inside your mouth after licking it few times as you pumped it with your hand.

It was bigger than you thought it was when it’s inside your mouth. You almost out of breath everytime it’s inside you that you have to pulled it out before you sucked it back in.

“Noona, you’re–“ he whined. “So good, please,”

“Please what, baby boy?” You licked the top of his length. “Please don’t stop, Noona.” He moaned.

You kept pumping him, doing everything you could recall from that time when you did all these things to Minhyuk. Yeah– those dark days.

Changkyun would groaned and moaned at the sexual tension you gave him and you’d feel proud at yourself remembering this was your first actual blowjob. “Noona,” he called out. “I’m,” he moaned out. “I’m close.”

“You want to come now, baby boy?” You smirked.

“Please, noona.” You smirked and pumped him harder, faster, enough to made him groaned louder until he finally released all the thick substance, squirting it all over your face.

You’d licked some of it, still getting familiar with the taste.

He groaned as he help you pumping himself, squirting out the substance he still had left. “Fuck, you’re good, noona.” He bit his lip.

“I’m surprised at myself. That was actually my first time.” You confessed. The boy looked at you, confused before he grabbed something from his pants pocket.

You heard something was being ripped.

“First time?” He sat up, rolling up condom on his length before he began to pushed you down again as he tried to unzipped your dress and pulled it down to your stomach.

“I’m…” you slightly looked down, panicked as he rubbed his member on your folds. Your nails were raking the skin of his arm.

“Noona, what’s wrong?” He noticed you’re weird behaviour and stop what he was doing.

“I… this, what we are doing…” you bit your lip. “Is my first time.” You confessed. “You…” the boy’s eyes widened. “Noona, are you…”

“I am a virgin, Changkyun.” You finally said it.

There was a silence between you two for seconds.

“I’m… i’m sorry,” he shook his head as he pulled him further from you, but you pulled him quickly back into you.

“Don’t feel sorry. What’s there to be sorry?” You rolled your eyes.

“But, noona, you’re…”

“Come on, i’ve been wanting to do this.” You kissed his lips.

“Are you… serious? I mean, if you’re not ready–“

“I wanna feel you inside me, Changkyun.”

He groaned before he really sandwiched you, kissing you hungrily like the first time. He lifted up your legs, bringing them close to your chin.

“You’re ready?” He asked, pulling off from the kiss. You nodded as he kept rubbing your core and already gave a pressure on your opening.

He pushed his length slowly, gently as he observed your reaction. Your eyes were shut tight and he saw you biting your lower lip, taking the pain.

“Tell me if it’s too painful for you,” he kissed you as he caress your hair, calming you.

It was weird for you, having actually something inside your body. It did feel painful at first, the friction, the way his dick stretched the flesh, you just wanted to scream, but the boy shut you up by giving you a gentle kiss and caressing your forehead.

Slowly, the pain went away, switching into the new sensation you were feeling. It felt like butterfly was filling your stomach. It’s tickling, yet… pleasuring.

“It’s alright?” He asked, probably feeling worried the whole time since he filled you.

“It… feels so good.” You turned your head to your side as you savor every thrusts.

He brushed his lips against your neck. “Glad i make you feel good.” He whispered.

Once you were settled with this new feeling, you moved your hips along, following his pace. It did feel hurt, a little bit, but the pleasure was so much more than that, that you just want him thrusting even faster and deeper.

He looked like he understand what you want, looking at you bucking your hips up as if you were looking for something. He thrusted you faster, sloppily, but enough to make you felt like flying.

“Fuck, i’m not gonna last long.” He groaned, whispering you in his deep voice.

“Just–“ you moaned, taking his thrusts. “Let go.” And just then, Changkyun’s body fell on you, pressing you as he had his head fell on the crook of your neck. He groaned as he released into a condom. He was still thrusting you, but this time it was slower yet so deep that you were pushed slightly.

You moaned at the feeling of something warm inside you before the boy finally stopped thrusting and pulled his member out, gently and took off his condom.

Before you could even say something, he already got your legs positioned above him. “Now it’s your turn.” He smiled and separated your legs, placing his head between them and began licking your clit.

Your back arched at the feeling. Moaning, you squeezed the couch. He then added fingers inside you and pumped you. You felt yourself getting close, so close that you didn’t realised your legs were starting to tremble and your thighs clenched around his head.

“Chang— yun,” you moaned his name as you felt the orgasm was finally coming. Your eyes rolled back and your back was arched. He kept pumping you with his fingers for awhile to get you through it before he pulled his fingers and climbed up to your lips. Planting kisses while your body still trembled with lower intensity.

“Did you make a right decision to pop your cherry with me?” He smirked after you finally back from your explosive orgasm.

“That was amazing.” You smiled.

“I know that was.” He raised his eyebrow. “But it would be even more amazing if we do it next time as a boyfriend and a girlfriend.”

You narrowed your eyes for a mere second before you rolled your eyes, finally got what he meant. “That was smooth as fuck, baby boy.”

“So, will you be my girlfriend, noona?”

Without saying a word, you pulled him into a gentle kiss.

END.

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