#like if it's grace's bed then freddie sure spends a lot of time on/around it and also grace why does your bed look like freddie

[trophycannibal]

[callsign-mischief]

The Gift of a Weasley Sweater is a Powerful Thing [F.W.]

Day 23 prompt of ‘A Very Harry Potter Christmas’ : ‘Weasley Sweater’

Thank you so much to @jamilelucato and @whack-ed for letting me participate in this writing challenge! I am so sorry it is extremely late, please forgive me. Hope you like it!

Fred Weasley x Female!Slytherin!Reader

Warnings: Mention of fighting, Umbridge, Umbridge’s using that quill, George being mean, a few cuss words, mention of  “bloodtraitor” *if I missed anything that should be put into the warning, please let me know!* 

Word Count: 6.5k (so sorry!)

As the Christmas holiday was quickly approaching and many students were preparing to leave the comfort of Hogwarts to spend time with their respected families, it was becoming increasingly normal to see different love-sick couples scattered about the castle basking in each other's presence to soak up every last ounce of time they could before being separated by the long vacation. What wasn’t normal, however, was seeing Fred Weasley spending any, and almost every, spare second he had with a girl doing the exact same thing. And to make it even more unusual, a Slytherin girl! 

It was a few days before Christmas break and George Weasley has had enough of seeing his brother act like a lovesick fool.

“I do not know what is going on in that head of his but I’m right ‘bout to take my beaters bat and knock some sense into him. Thank Merlin she’s not wedged her way into coming home with us!” he huffs sending silent daggered glares toward his twin brother sitting a few feet down the way at the Gryffindor breakfast table with his serpent of a girlfriend nestled into his side. He couldn’t stand the sight. How did Fred Weasley, a proud Gryffindor of all people, become entranced with none other than a snake? It just didn't make sense! 

From across the table, Lee Jordan casts a glance up towards the inter house couple before returning to face the boiling redhead sitting across from him. “Honestly George, I don’t know why you hate her so much, you've never even actually met her! She is actually quite nice y’know? She helped me escape Snape once, it was brilliant!” 

“She’s a Slytherin, Lee! The whole lot of them can't be trusted…” he grumbles, taking a quick bite of his slice of toast before sipping his pumpkin juice and clearing his throat. “I don’t know what game she's playing but I’m gonna find out what it is. I don’t want him to get hurt.”

Lee could understand where the boy in front of him was coming from. Fred had never taken a liking to any Slytherin house member before, no matter who they were, up until the week before the end of the previous school year when you had transferred to Hogwarts from Beauxbatons. “Just give her a chance George. You never know, she could be genuine in her love or whatever she feels for him and not be as bad as you think!” 

On top of what George, and almost everyone else at Hogwarts, was already putting up with this school year (aka Professor Umbridge terrorizing the school and you know whos return creating chaos amongst the wizarding world) George didn’t want to add having to be civil with a snake to his list of things to deal with. 

“Yeah...guess not but still! She has not approached any of us, his siblings, to get to know us and they have been cozied up since she got here last semester! In my book, that's already a bad sign.” he frowns looking at the couple again. 

Meanwhile down the table, the two lovesick teenagers are conversing amongst themselves, oblivious to the pointed looks from her boyfriend's twin.

“So I have Ron, George, and Ginny’s gifts all wrapped up and ready to be handed out...and I was thinking, maybe I could come up to the common room later after lessons and give them out? What better time than to finally let me meet them and get to know them than Christmas!” she asks, voice dripping with excitement and hope. 

A grin graced his lips as he admired her excitement. “That sounds like an excellent idea, love, but with Umbridge, I don’t think it’s safe to be going into others common rooms.” 

“I really would love to officially meet them, Freddie. We’ve been dating for three months and you haven’t introduced me to any of them. They’re your siblings, part of what makes you,you! Especially George. I mean come on- he’s your twin! Your other half! And when has Umbridge terrorizing the school ever stopped you from breaking the rules? I can come up and watch them open presents, maybe stay the night so I don’t get caught sneaking back to the dungeons….we can spend some time in the common room after everyone’s gone to bed?” you giggle playfully.  

“You had me at ‘stay the night’!”

Another giggle slips past your lips as you peck his lips before rising from the bench. “I thought you would like that idea. I am off to see Professor Snape before my potions lesson starts, I will see you later in Transfig, yeah?”

Fred nods quickly, leaning up to peck your lips once more before you turn and strut out of the Great Hall. He watches you go with that same dopey smile on his face and his eyes swirling with pure adoration. He was in love. 

After a hefty handful of morning classes, a quick lunch with friends, Transfiguration with Fred (whom of which you got to spend no time with due McGonagall partnering you with other people) and one intense charms lesson, it was finally time for your favorite part of the day; your free period. You weren’t sure how you got so lucky to have a free period at the end of the day but you definitely weren’t going to complain. 

Normally you would spend the free period in the Slytherin common room, on the Quidditch pitch practicing, or in the Room of Requirement (which had quickly become yours and Fred’s spot when he decided to skip afternoon lessons), but today you decided to change things up and direct yourself to the library. You had spent your fair share of time amongst many stacks of the old, dusty books for studying purposes and to grab different for-fun reading material but hardly ever did you come in here to spend your free time. 

Upon entering, you quickly set your course for the small ‘Muggle Fiction’ section that had been added in recent years, in search of a new adventure to lose yourself in. Your study partner, Hermione was the one to actually introduce you to the section and recommend a few novels to try reading and you turned out loving them all. Despite being a pureblood and having the nasty ‘I hate everything Muggle’ stereotype follow you around everywhere like a shadow, your heart couldn’t help but get excited about Muggle literature, your favorite genre so far being Romance.

Once you have made your pick of entertainment, you gravitate your way to a back corner nook of the library to get comfy-that is until you see the back of a familiar mop of fiery red hair fluttering between shelves before plopping down at a table with his books. 

Having not been able to contain the excitement of seeing your man (even though he should be in potions), you quickly divert your course to him, staying quiet with a beaming grin on your face. Once close enough behind him, you reach out, playfully covering his eyes with your hands blocking his vision from the herbology book he had been scanning through. 

"Guess who, Freddie." You giggle. 

"What the bloody hell? Get off of me!"

Your eyes went wide in horror upon hearing the voice of the man who was definitely not your boyfriend!

"Oh, Salazar, I'm so sorry! I thought you were Fred from the back!" 

George stood up from his seat, turning to you with a piercing glare, "You should really make sure you know who you are approaching before you touch them!" 

He hadn't completely yelled at you but the angry tone and rise in his voice made you want to nearly cry. 

 You cast your eyes to the side, the amount of complete embarrassment you felt had your face feeling as though it was on fire. "I..I know, and again I'm really sorry about that. I- I'm uhm...I'm (Y/N), by the way...Fred's girlfriend." You look back to him, introducing yourself properly for the first time. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you George." 

"I can't say the same for you, snake." 

You recoil at the name, "What did you just-" 

"You heard me, a snake. That's what you are, clearly. Whatever love spell you have my twin under, you need to end it, and end it now." 

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. "What are you talking about? There is no spell. I wouldn't do that to Fred, or anyone for that matter! How can you stand there and accuse me of something like that when you don't even know me?" 

“Don’t think I know you, do you? You're a stuck up, entitled, conniving witch whose family only cares about things as ridiculous as blood purity and money. Everyone knows what kind of people you are. You and Fred have been dating for months and you haven't approached any of his siblings to get to know them. And what’s more is that over the summer you didn't even want to come to the Burrow to spend time with his family; it was always him leaving to meet you. What does that say about what kind of person you are?"

"You don't know a thing. That was not because of me! That was always Fred's choice, I wanted to-" 

"No, don't try to seem all innocent now. You don’t want anything to do with us and we certainly don't like you. Now, if you'd excuse me, I best be leaving."

Before you could get another word out, George turned and collected the books he had grabbed, walking away to the front of the library and out its doors. 

*

*

After your encounter with George in the library this afternoon, your day had only gotten worse.  

You had attempted to break up a fight between two of your younger Slytherin female students but you had ended up getting elbowed in the face, leaving you with a small black eye. Yet before you had the chance to visit the Hospital wing, you were summoned to Umbridge's office.

What had been intended as a “friendly chat” -the pink toads words, not yours-, upon seeing your forming black eye when you stepped into her office, you were dished up a detention for “unacceptable display of muggle dueling from a prefect”. You tried to explain the situation and what had happened but it only seemed to aggravate the woman more. She implemented your detention immediately- the punishment being having to write lines. Instead of writing lines for the said cause of your detention, you were made to write lines for "associating with a blood traitor below your class grade". The way she talked about Fred made your blood boil with rage but you didn’t want to make your situation any worse than it was so you kept the angry words and insults for the woman to yourself.  

And finally to top off  your terrible day, you had received a letter from your parents stating that they would be spending the Christmas holiday in a tropical paradise while you were to stay at Hogwarts, alone.  The day was turning out to be too much to handle and all you wanted was Fred. But with him nowhere to be found, you took to locking yourself in an abandoned classroom in the dungeons, crying out your frustrations. With your eye swelling, your hand stinging like crazy, and your chest aching knowing that Fred's family already hated you without meeting you, you felt completely miserable.

After what had seemed like hours, you finally managed to get your hysterical sobs under control to only getting small hiccups ever so often. Your eyes stung from the hours of repetitive rubbing away of tears and you could only imagine what you looked like. Breaking from your ball-like position in the corner of the room, you rise from the chilled ground, stretching your aching limbs as you take a glance at the small watch on your wrist. You see that dinner had started almost half an hour ago. With a sigh, you emerge from the dungeon’s classroom making your way up to the Great Hall. 

When you enter through the hall's double doors, you immediately scan the Gryffindor’s table for the man you have come to love. You spot him quickly as he's waving his arms around wildly with a wide grin on his lips, seeming to be telling a crazy story to the surrounding group of his friends made up of George, Ron, Harry Potter, your study partner Hermione, and Lee Jordan. You can't help the way your eyes fill with nothing but pure love seeing him in his element; entertaining people and making them laugh and smile. Your eyes cut to his twin sitting beside him and your face falls. 

In that moment, his harsh words from earlier this afternoon ran through your head on repeat like a broken record you couldn't stop. You never wished for anything more than to meet Fred's family and have them approve of you and your relationship but with the way things were going, that would never be anything but a wish. 

You b-line for the Slytherin house table, taking a seat next to your best friend. As you start to shovel food onto your empty plate, his eyes fill with concern. 

"Blimey, (Y/L/N)! What in Salazar’s name happened to you."

You pause and give him a quick pierced glance before resuming to fill up the plate of food. "Do not start with me Zabini. I've had a rough day." 

"I can tell by that black eye of yours. Did Weasley do something he shouldn't have to make you cry? Because you know I will-" 

You crack a sad grin at his over protectiveness but let out a sigh, "N-no, he didn't do anything...he's great. It's just...I don't know.." you trailed off. You didn't want to out George and have him face Blaise's wrath, but how could you keep the day's events away from your best friend?

Blaise noticed your hesitation and rested a comforting hand on your shoulder, "hey, if you don't want to talk about it right now, you don't have to but I'll be here for when you're ready and have the right words." 

You give him the best side hug you can manage as your eyes begin to prickle with a few tears. "I know and thank you Blaise. I don't know what I'd do without you." 

He returns the hug with a smile, "probably be miserable, I suppose. But I meant what I said. Just because I support you and Weasley's little love fest doesn't mean I won't hex him into next year if he hurts you." 

You shove his shoulder playfully before returning back to plate to enjoy your meal. 

As always, dinner was delicious and you stuffed your stomach full with too much dessert. You rise from the bench along with your fellow Slytherin's and begin to trickle out of the great hall. As you are walking between Theo and Blaise, a hand reaches out and grabs your arm from behind, spinning you around. You're met with a pair of familiar soft and warm lips being placed on your own. Before you can respond to the kiss, your boyfriend pulls away with a smirk leaving you with a small pout.  

“Don’t go pouting, love. You will get more kisses soon, are you ready to go? Hell- what happened to your eye?!” he cups his hands around your face, inspecting your eye closely.

 “It's nothing, don't worry. Where are we going?”

“You don’t remember? You were going to stay the night after you handed out gifts to Ginny, Ron, and George. Which by the way, I've got to tell you, I’m a little peeved off I’m not getting my gift yet and I’m your loving, devoted boyfriend who adores you and who worries about you.”

You rub your neck nervously, looking away from him. “I’m sorry, it’s just been a long day and I forgot..”

His eyes scan your face, his frown only growing deeper “I thought you were excited, love. I didn’t think you would forget something like this. What’s wrong?”

You couldn’t help it. Hearing Fred ask ‘what’s wrong’ after the day you’ve had, unleashed a new wave of fresh tears. 

“Woah, woah, love what happened? Why are you crying, did I say something wrong?” he quickly encases you in his warm embrace, pressing your head gently to his chest to muffle your sobs. Your body shakes horribly as you try to keep yourself from crumbling right then and there in the hall in the presence of other students. 

He looks ahead to see Theo and Blaise have stopped in their places, noticing your absence and are now looking at him holding your distraught figure. He sends a pleading look to Blaise, desperate for him to give a clue as to what was wrong but Blaise only shook his head and frowned in response.  He knew Zabini was your best friend and that you told each other everything so when even he didn’t know what was wrong, Fred began to worry even more. 

As Fred held you to his chest, he gently brushed back your hair with his fingers a couple of times hoping it would calm you. Bending down slightly so as to not scare you, he whispers into your ear, “C’mon, love. Let’s go up to my room and we can cuddle until you’re ready to talk. How does that sound?”

You nod your head slowly, breathing deeply as you can as you step away from him. His heart shattered seeing your eyes so puffy and bloodshot. Gently wrapping an arm around your waist, he guides you up the moving staircases to the portrait sealing the Gryffindor common room. Fred mutters the password and once there is enough space for you both to walk through, he softly pulls you along, hoping that the room will be empty or at least empty enough so you will be comfortable walking through. To his relief, the only people who have opted to stay out in the common room were George, Lee, Ginny, and the Golden Trio. George is the first to notice his twin's sudden presence.

“There you are Freddie, been wondering where you went off to. Hopefully not to see that-”

“Shut up, George. Do you and Lee mind staying down here for a while? We would like to be alone for a bit.”

Ron pipes up from his spot on the carpet by the roaring fireplace. “We?!” 

Just then, George and Ginny’s head snap to Fred, only now noticing you curled into his side, face pressed into his shoulder. 

“WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?! She-”

“Not now George! You’re my twin and best friend and I love you but please don’t start right now, mate. Just give us some time, please.” Fred begged. 

George backed away with a scowl before nodding. Fred glances at Lee who gives him an encouraging nod with a soft smile. With a sigh of gratitude, he thanks his roommates, guiding you to the stairs. With a flick of his wand, he says the counter charm to keep the stairs from changing and walks you up.

Once you're in the safe space of his room, he sits you on his bed as he couches down by the end of it rummaging through his trunk. Once he finds what he's looking for, he stands facing you handing you a small stack of clothes. 

"Here, sweetheart. These will be more comfortable for you than your uniform. And look, I even picked out your favorite sweater of mine." 

You let out a weak smile, leaning up to plant a loving kiss on his lips. He returns the kiss, cradling your face carefully between his hands. Fred is the one to break the kiss, placing his forehead softly against yours. 

"Let's get changed, love." 

With a final nod, you pull away and stand, moving to the opposite of the room to change giving Fred his own space. Once you're both changed, you walk back to his bed with your uniform gently folded in your hands. Fred takes the stack from you before gesturing you to get in bed. You happily oblige and wait for him to get I'm with you. Once he settles in, you get comfortable in your favorite cuddling position. You being the little spoon with Fred cradling your body to his front.

No words are spoken for the first half hour. Fred doesn't rush you to talk, only softly brushing his hands up and down your arms in slow comforting strokes. Once you feel comfortable and ready to talk, you turn over to face the loving man behind you. You wrap an arm around his waist pulling your body flush against his, burrowing your head into his chest. 

Fred let out a gentle chuckle, squeezing our waist a little tighter. “Are you ready to talk now, love?”

“I ha...frrible ay…” 

Fred let out a deafening howl of laughter. “I have no clue what you just said, do you mind repeating that more clearly for me, sweetheart?”

You pulled away from his chest, “I said that I had a terrible day.”

His joyful expression was quickly replaced by one of alarm. “Why what happened?”

‘Here goes nothing…’ You thought. 

With a deep breath you begin. “It wasn’t so bad at first. Double potions went okay, lunch with Blaise and Theo was good. Transfig sorta fell short because McGonagall split us up but that was okay too, nothing to ruin the day. It all started in my free period.” you stopped, beginning to feel nervous and nauseous . “W..we always say that honesty is the best policy...right?”

He confirms your question with a small dip of his head. “Of course”

You continue on, “I went to the library today to find a new Muggle romance book to read and well...before I could pick one that I liked, I thought I saw you weaving in and out between the bookshelves. I got excited seeing who I thought was you and so I ran up behind him and put my hands over his eyes like how I do with you and well…”

Fred knew where this was going and he instantly began to feel awful. 

“It was George, as you could have guessed and needless to say he did not appreciate that. Of course I apologized, but he was still so angry and not just about me touching him. He seemed to be mad at me, as a whole person. He accused me of having you under a love spell and said that he knew what kind of person I was because of my family. Told me I was entitled and stuck up because I haven’t approached him or Ron or Ginny to get to know them nor did I visit the Burrow to spend time with your family this summer. I tried to tell him that me not coming to your home or meeting your family wasn’t my choice but he didn’t want to hear it.” you sobbed, letting the building tears in your eyes fall freely. 

If Fred didn’t feel terrible before, he sure as hell did now! He knew that it was long overdue for you to meet his family but just when he got the nerve to introduce you, he couldn’t. While Fred was a very confident man in many aspects, your lifestyles were complete polar opposites and it oftentimes left him feeling inadequate. While you live a life of luxury, Fred and his family oftentimes struggle to make ends meet. While Fred’s family is thought of as a full lot of blood-traitors, your family name is highly admired and respected amongst the Wizarding community. Now, the Weasley boy knew such trivial things didn’t matter to his girl, but the worry he had of you leaving him once you dived in deeper to what made Fred, Fred was just too much to take the risk. 

Fred couldn’t even begin to be mad at George for what he said to you because he was too busy being angry at himself. He was the reason this happened. He was the one who kept you from meeting his family. He was the one who would reject your wishes to spend time at the place he’s called home all of his life and with the people he loved more than anything. He made you look like you didn’t want anything to do with his family when in reality, you wanted nothing more than for his family to adore you almost as much as Fred did.

“Baby I am so so sorry about all of this. George had no right to say that to you but he wouldn’t have if I had just gotten over my own insecurities. I promise I will make things right, love.” his solemn expression broke your heart and made you cry even harder. 

Wiping your eyes hurriedly, you shake your head. “That’s not even the worst of it! I got this stupid black eye from trying to break up a petty fight between two younger girls from my house, and then when I wanted to go see Madam Pomfrey, I was summoned to Umbridge’s office. One look at my eye and she gave me a detention of writing lines with that horrid quill of hers and my hand hurts so bad! And then on top of everything, my mum sent me a letter this morning saying that she and dad will be going somewhere for Christmas while I stay at Hogwarts instead! It was just one thing after another and when I couldn’t even find you, I broke down. Ended up locking myself in a classroom to cry, it was awful. That’s why I was late to dinner.”

“That bloody woman used that damned quill of hers on you?! I swear, I will make that vile woman regret ever using that on you! Let me go see if Hermione has anything to help with the scarring.” 

Before he could get out of bed, you wrapped your arms around him tighter, “No! Don't bother her about it, I just want to be with you right now. Don’t leave, just stay.” 

It was hard for Fred to contain the anger he had raging through his body but he gave in to your request.  He settled back into his position, pulling you in tighter by your waist. “I am so sorry all this happened to you today, sweetheart. I promise, the first thing tomorrow, I will make things right. I will owl mum and tell her you will be coming home with me for Christmas and then I will face my siblings and explain everything to them. Then once I’m done there, I will make that pink toad wish she never set foot into this school.”

By now the tears had stopped falling, leaving you to the occasional sniffle. “Can we just go to bed now? I’m tired.”

Fred snuggles down deeper into bed pulling his heavy crimson duvet up around you both, tucking you in. “Let’s sleep. Tomorrow will be better”

You wish Fred had been right. No sooner than you were both peacefully asleep, you had been rapidly alerted awake by Professor McGonagall busting into the dorm room. You and Fred had both sprung up to see her shaking George awake. When she made her way over to Fred’s bedside, she paused in shock seeing you there.

“Miss (Y/L/N), what in Godric’s name are you doing in Gryffindor tower? And in the boys dormitories no less!” 

“I-I.. well.. You see, what had happened was-” 

“Never mind that, we don’t have time. I need you and mister Weasley to come with me immediately.”

Once you were all out of bed and met with a disheveled Ginny, the four of you were guided back to the Headmaster’s office and upon entering, you all see Harry looking distraught. 

Ginny was the first to speak out, “What’s going on Harry? Professor McGonagall said you saw dad hurt-”

Dumbledore answered the girl before Harry had the chance. “Your father has been injured doing some work for the Order of the Phoenix. I am sending you all to Sirius’s house by portkey instead of the Burrow, where you will meet your mother. But we must hurry before Umbridge is made aware you all are out of bed. Hurry now, all of you.” 

Immediately you all gathered around the kettle you would be using to transport you and waited for the countdown from Dumbledore. On the count of three, you all placed your hands on the portkey and instantly you felt the pull behind your navel and a rush of wind before you were met with the ground of a...kitchen? 

Before you could comprehend anything, into the kitchen came Sirius Black. You weren’t entirely sure what to make of seeing the man in the flesh but looking at him as he spoke to Harry and the Weasley children, there was no way he was this “mass murderer” you had read to believe. After a small riff between the twins and Sirius about staying put instead of rushing to St. Mungo’s, he offered everyone up a butterbeer (which you graciously accepted) to calm the nerves. When you all had received the small letter from Mrs. Weasley, Sirius suggested that everyone try to obtain some rest so one by one, each of you filtered off to catch some sleep once you were finished with your respective butterbeers. You and Fred go off together to find a couch big enough for the both of you, quickly settling into deep sleep.

*

*

*

In the days that followed upon your arrival, you had finally met Mrs. Weasley and although you were seeing her at a tough time, she was thrilled to meet you and have you around for Christmas. Things were a bit tense with Fred’s siblings given the state of things, but you didn’t want to make what they were going through worse so you gave them their space. With your free time you had got to know Sirius and seemed to get along well given the many similarities between the two of you. You had also learned about the Order of the Phoenix and found that his home was made the Order’s headquarters. And then on the day the Weasley family was heading to St. Mungo’s to visit Mr. Weasley, you met a few more of the Order members, including Mad-Eye and Tonks. After a few discussions with them about the Order and their careers as dark wizard catchers you just knew you wanted to follow their paths and become an Auror and join the Order after you finished your schooling. 

It was finally the day Mr. Weasley would be getting released from St. Mungo’s and the whole lot of you Hogwarts students were busy tidying up around preparing for his arrival while Mrs. Weasley, Mad-Eye, and Tonks went out. 

You were currently cleaning down the tabletops in the kitchen with Hermione when you heard George in the next room over beginning to speak out of the blue. “I just don’t get it. My father has a near death experience and he has to come home to around another slimy snake...unbelievable.” he scoffs. 

You halt in your movement as you look up to the door separating the two rooms. The whole time you had been here, you hadn’t possibly done anything to set the boy off.

You hear your boyfriend speak up, anger laced within his tone. “George mate, stop. What the hell! She hasn’t done anything to make you be so cross with her. What the hell gives?”

You drop the towel in your hand onto the dark table, rushing over to the swinging door that separated the rooms. You push it open to see the two redheads glowering at one another in rage as Ginny,  Ron, and Harry stop in the midst of their own cleaning to watch the building argument.

“What gives?” he shouts. “What gives is that she shouldn't be here! She doesn’t belong here with the Order nor is she family! It’s not like she likes us anyways! Besides, she’s a Slytherin for Merlin’s sake! Who knows what she’ll go and tell Umbridge when we get back to school. Better yet, who knows what she will go say to those death eater parents of hers to get all of our asses all killed. ”

“That’s enough! Your bang out of line! You don’t know a thing about her but yet you decide to hate her?! That’s my girlfriend, George!”

 “None of us know her because she doesn’t want us to know her! We’re your family Fred and she’s kept herself from that. She-”

“ENOUGH!” Fred bursts in anger, making you flinch. You had never heard Fred so...so livid before. “That.  Is. Enough.” his tone rough and grave. He looked around the room, looking into the eyes of each of his siblings as he spoke, “You three loathe her because you believe she thinks of us as beneath her. She’s not like that! You all don’t know her because I didn’t want you to know her. I wanted to keep my family and my relationship separate and I see now that that was a horrible mistake and I’m sorry! She truly has always wanted to meet and spend time with you guys  but I have been the one to say no every time, even when she begged and pleaded!”

“Ginny.” His little sister's body straightened upon the hearing of her name, “you would actually really like her. The way you feel and talk about Quidditch, she’s the exact same way. You’re as much of a headstrong firecracker as she is too. You would get along so well..” 

“Ron…” he paused looking at his youngest brother, “I have never seen someone more strategic with Wizard’s Chess and obsessed with the Chudley Cannons than (Y/N). You both could talk for hours about that team and never get tired, you would think she’s great, too.”

Fred looks back to his twin, his eyes softening. “And Georgie...you’re my twin. You have no idea how hard she fought to meet you. After mum and dad, she’s wanted to get to know you the most because she knows just how much you mean to me. You aren’t just my twin, you’re my best mate. Not only does she support me, and you too, she supports our dream of opening the joke shop; something we’ve wanted since we were kids! You would love her maybe just as much as I do.  She’s actually brilliant, I’m telling you. She’s smart, funny, inventive, ambitious, and just as much of a kid-at-heart as we are..” he grinned a bit with a few tears pricking his eyes.

The tension encased in the quaint room was undeniably thick. With teary eyes, you take a glance at his siblings and see their faces are all beginning to mirror the same emotions. Embarrassment, guilt, and shame. You couldn’t lie, seeing them at least a bit remorseful for the way they treated you and made you feel, made you feel a tad bit better.

As he takes a few paces across the room to stand next to you, he looks around at his siblings one last time, “If you want someone to be mad at, be mad at me. Not (Y/N). As my family, I’m begging you, give her a real chance. I love her and I can guarantee you all would love her too.” 

You gently wrap your hand around Fred’s bicep, giving it a gentle squeeze with a watery smile. He looks down at you, tenderly kissing your forehead before grabbing your hand in his much larger one and leading you up the staircase to the room you were staying in. You peek back at his siblings as you ascend the steps, offering them a meek smile of their own. When Ginny had returned with the slightest smile in response, it gave you a new hope that things would be different from here on out. 

*

*

*

Christmas was finally being celebrated at 12 Grimmauld Place and everyone was in high, happy spirits. In the past few days, Ron and Ginny took the initiative to get to know you, and you with them; and as Fred predicted, they enjoyed you and the company you offered. You connected very well with the both of them, and you couldn’t be happier.  Mr. Weasley was ecstatic to finally meet you at last and welcomed you wholeheartedly. He ended up talking your ear off quite a bit about all things he knew about Muggles but you genuinely enjoyed his conversations and enthusiasm! 

Currently, you were helping Mrs. Weasley in the kitchen, placing the last few finishing touches on the small feast the lot of you would be indulging in when Fred and George strolled into the room. Fred waltzed over to you wrapping a strong arm around your waist, spinning you around into his chest. You giggled happily as he placed a quick tender kiss on your lips before pulling away when his mom swatted his shoulder from behind him. Mrs. Weasley announced that the food was ready and for everyone to take their seats so you could get started. Before you all tucked in, she walked around the table handing out brightly colored paper wrapped packages to each of the children. You were beyond surprised when she gestured for you to grab the one she had been holding out in front of you. 

“I got something, too? Mrs. Weasley, you shouldn’t have! Thank you so much!” You spoke as you tore open the wrappings. You see a beautifully homemade scarf and matching gloves in your house colors of silver and green. Your eyes crinkle in excitement as you wrap the fluffy scarf around your neck. You peer up at her again, “I love it, thank you!”

“You’re welcome, dear. I hear those dungeons are quite chilling, those ‘ought to keep you extra warm, I guarantee it.” 

You thank her again and before you can begin to show Hermione your wonderful gift, another package is thrusted your way. You see only this time, it’s George holding it out to you. 

“What is this?” you gently grab it from his hands, your eyebrow arching in wonder. 

“This is technically something from the entire family but I had been the one to ask mum to make it. I owe you, and Fred too, a huge apology. I was a right foul git to you and should have never said those awful things to or about you, and for that I’m very sorry. I know it doesn’t completely change the fact that it happened but I hope you both can forgive me. I have never seen anyone a better match for my twin and I’m happy he has you in his life. Go ahead and open it.“

Your beam at him as you unwrap your second gift, your eyes immediately filling with happy tears when you look down to see what it is. You take the dark green plush sweater out of the paper and hold it up, your eyes roaming over your first initial  that had been stitched in white,  in elation. “My very own Weasley sweater?!” 

George cracked a sincere smile as you hurriedly pulled the sweater over your head to try it on. “Welcome to the family, (Y/N).” 

*

*

*

*

Taglist: @weasleytwinswheezes

[rossmccallsqueen]

Music and Lyrics

Brian May x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and Brian have just had a beautiful little girl, but she doesn’t have a name yet.

Warnings: N/A (just lots of fluff)

Word count: 1.6K (I know it’s short I’m sorry)

A/N: I know it’s been awhile and I’m so sorry y’all. Quarantine has not been my friend, but I’m so happy to be writing again. I hope you enjoy!

Nine months later and here you were, in your hospital room, absolutely exhausted. You’d been told time and time again that being pregnant and giving birth were truly tiring, but now that you were experiencing it first hand it was an entirely different ball game. It was your first pregnancy after all, so this was so new to you. Your saving grace had been your husband. Brian was not a first-time dad, but this was his first with you. He had been so excited throughout your whole pregnancy, wanting to experience all of your firsts with you.

You knew it was because he hated himself for missing those things with his other children. He was going to be there the whole time, he told you. And he had been. When the two of you had heard your daughter’s heartbeat for the first time you remembered Brian had tears in his eyes. You could tell this was special to him, and the love you felt for him was indescribable in those moments.

You would be lying to yourself if you hadn’t been nervous about Brian becoming a dad again. In the back of your mind, there was that little worry that he wouldn’t give your daughter as much attention and things like that. Every time you’d convince yourself out of it but for some reason, the thought wouldn’t go away. Anxiety was a funny thing sometimes when it came to things like that, you thought. Brian was amazing with his other kids. He had spent so long righting his wrongs with them, and you felt he had done so.

But what if the same things happened again? You didn’t want him to be the dad that your daughter only sees once every couple of weeks. Everyone knows the early years are so important to a child’s well being and life in the long run. You looked over at him, as he was asleep on the couch chair thing that the hospital always puts next to the bed for dads when their significant other was in labor. He looked peaceful, unlike yourself. You’d think that after pushing a whole baby out of you that you’d be tired enough to sleep, but apparently not.

You thought you should at least try to shut your eyes. Maybe then you would be able to trick yourself into falling asleep, but you had your doubts. Just because your eyes were closed, didn’t mean that your brain would turn off at the same time.

Not long after you started to trick yourself into falling asleep, you heard a soft knock on the door.

“Yeah?” You heard Brian say.

“I saw Mum was asleep, so I thought Dad would want to spend some time with the little one. Still no name yet?

“Not yet. I would love to take her.” Brian responded. Small coos came from her mouth as Brian gently took her from the nurse. Followed by the nurse’s footsteps out of the room and the door shut, you opened your eyes just enough to see Brian lean back against his chair bed with your daughter on his chest.

That was another thing that had been on your mind, trying to figure out her name. Whenever one of you came up with something the other one didn’t like it. You were about to ask Freddie because he had named Tiger Lily for Roger. Freddie seemed to be the best at coming up with names. But Brian insisted. He thought that the two of you should come up with it since it was your first child. You just had a child and there were a million things on your mind, no wonder you couldn’t sleep.

You peeked your eye open again one more time, and you saw Brian kissing your daughter’s forehead. He had tucked her in under his t-shirt and was rubbing her back. You kind of wished that you weren’t pretending to be asleep so that you could get the camera out and take a picture. However the more you looked, the more you could tell it was a special moment.

“I cannot believe we still don’t have a name for you, little one. I thought your brother and sister were small, but you give a new meaning to the word.” He spoke so softly. It would always amaze you how he could sing so loudly on stage, but talk so softly to tiny humans.

“You’re absolutely beautiful, just like your mum. You’ve got my nose though, you poor thing. Your mum will say I have a wonderful nose but I’m not so sure that I agree with her.” You smiled, as he was right. You loved Brian’s nose. She started getting a little fussy, and Brian kissed her again.

“Would you like to hear a song? Yeah how about we sing a song. You’ll grow up hearing lots of it baby girl.”

Isn’t she lovely? Isn’t she wonderful?

Isn’t she precious? Less than one minute old

I never thought through love we’d be, making one as lovely as she

But isn’t she lovely, made from love?

He was singing one of your favorite Stevie Wonder songs. He had sung it to her while she was growing inside you, so you knew he would sing it to her once she was born. Your damn hormones were making your eyes water looking at the two of them because it was so sweet. Any worries that you had about Brian before were slowly starting to go out the window. You could already tell that his whole heart and more loved your daughter. Within a day, she was already your whole world.

Isn't she pretty? Truly the angel's best

Boy, I'm so happy, We have been Heaven blessed

I can't believe what God has done

Through us, He's given life to one

But isn't she lovely made from love?

Brian made the song sound like something completely new. His voice had put your daughter to sleep and it was starting to do the same thing to you. You didn’t want to fall asleep yet though, you wanted to watch how precious Brian was being with your daughter. Then it came to you again, you still hadn’t thought of a name for her.

You’d already suggested just about every name you could think of. At least the ones that you’d read in all the baby books you’d been given. She was already looking to be a Daddy’s girl, so maybe Brian would think of something.

You watched the two of them a little bit more. Brian continued to sing and your daughter didn’t make a fuss. His voice was like magic to her. That daddy daughter bond was definitely one to be taken seriously. She had Brian wrapped around her little finger so tightly already.

She had a head full of hair, which she definitely got from Brian. You could see the little curls forming on the top of her head, just like his. She had his nose and his hair, but he’d told you that she had your eyes and your smile (which he had also said were the best features to get). You wanted to hold her, but at the same time it was the sweetest thing getting to observe them. Brian had paused in his singing, and you took the chance to “wake up” from your nap.

“Hello love, who do you have there?” You asked. Brian looked up at you and a warm smile spread across his face.

“Just our little one. She’s the most beautiful little girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on. How did we create something like this?” He kissed her forehead one more time.

“I’ve been asking myself that since she got here. But ya know what?”

“What is it my love?” Brian could barely take his eyes off your daughter.

“She still doesn’t have a name. Maybe we should come up with one?” You suggested, a little smile showing in your tone.

“That might be a good idea, yes.” He laughed a little, and got up out of his chair while holding your daughter tightly in his arms. She was so small his arms almost swallowed her. You moved a little so that Brian could sit down with you on the bed. He maneuvered so that your daughter was laying on the bed in front of you two so that you could both get a good look at her.

“Any ideas Mr. May?” You asked.

“Not a one. How about you Mrs. May?” It always made you feel all warm and glowy inside when he called you that. That would definitely never get old.

“I think I have one.” You smiled. You’d finally thought of it.

“Care to share with the class?” He raised an eyebrow and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“I heard you singing to her. She loved the sound of your voice, it was almost like magic. So I think we should call her Melody.” You looked at Brian for his reaction. His eyes lit up like it was Christmas, and you knew that was the one.

“That’s it. That’s her name! Melody May. What a wonderful name for a wonderful little girl made from love.”

But isn’t she lovely? Made from love.

———————

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Masterlist Masterpost

[themonsterattheendofthisfic]

There had always been something there

If Destiel were to happen, in canon, between right now (5.13) and Carry On. Read on AO3 Here.

There had always been something there. Everybody knew it, but they knew it in that tight little place in your heart that you know not to touch. Demons, angels, they could poke at it, sure. They knew to poke at it.

That profound bond. 

Castiel knew from the beginning it was doomed. That was what called him to fall from grace, after all, that something that he saw in Dean. And he thought that would be how he felt about all of humanity, but after Heaven shut him out? It wasn’t. It wasn’t the same; there was something about Dean. But he didn’t know, he didn’t know what it was.

Dean didn’t even think about it. Castiel was just suddenly there, and then he was Cas. And something about him made Dean trust him, it just did. And he was right, after all, Cas proved him right in that heaven room. And of course he wanted Cas there, he was Cas. 

Sam didn’t even think about it until... because Dean and Cas were always just closer than he and Cas, and it made sense. I mean, Cas had been there for Dean when Sam went all dark side, they had history Sam couldn’t ever manufacture with the angel. And Cas had saved their asses more than a few times, and... Cas was always gonna be there for them. He was ride or die, and Dean’s loyalty was exclusively ride or die, no matter how stupid or lost or monstrous that buddy was. It was his thing; after all, he’d grown up with Sam as a little brother.

But as they got older, Sam started to look at old couples in diner booths and get sad. He started to want that kind of thing, and it didn’t make sense to him how Dean just... didn’t. He used to, talked about that “apple pie” life with the kind of wistful bitterness that was transparently envy. But then:

“You don't ever think about something? Not marriage or whatever. But . . . Something? You know, with a hunter? Somebody who understands the life?“

“Have you not heard a single word Bob's been singing about? You're tired. I can tell. You're exhausted. Well, I'm still wired, so I'm gonna pull over, get some gas. You hop in the back, get some Z's 'cause, buddy, you earned 'em.”

It just didn’t make sense. It didn’t really seem like Dean was lying. Pushing him away, sure, but not lying. Dean didn’t need anything, anybody more, not anymore. But how could he be so content with being alone? Besides... family?

And then Sam realized, just a little bitterly, that Dean wasn’t alone, at least not in everyday life. In their little trio, it wasn’t three guys making it by themselves together. No, when it came to home life, it was Sam, and it was Dean and Cas. 

Of course, it wasn’t like... Well, I mean, it wasn’t like Dean was... 

Okay, so Sam had always known that Dean looked at guys a certain way, got nervous with guys a certain way that he was never comfortable talking about. So they never talked about it.

And then he thought about all the looks that went on just a second too long, and how quick to anger Dean was when it came to Cas, and how broken he was when Cas was gone.

And all of a sudden, Sam thinks that maybe, maybe Dean’s a little in love with Cas. And maybe he doesn’t even realize it.

“Hey, Dean?”

Dean looked up from his book disinterestedly. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Sam cleared his throat and sat at the foot of Dean’s bed. Gingerly. “Uh... I just wanted to, I mean.”

“Come on, spit it out Sammy, I don’t have all day.” 

Sam frowned. “This morning, you said you were dedicating the day to, and I quote, “relaxurbation.” 

Dean nodded seriously. “And I’m on a very tight schedule.” It got a laugh out of Sam, which was all Dean wanted, because conversations that started with Sam stuttering made him nervous.

“Okay, so, I don’t mean to, like, pry or anything. And I’m not even saying this is it so like... don’t freak out, okay?”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “You’re freaking me out right now!”

“Sorry, sorry.” Sam cleared his throat again. “Okay, you know how we grew up...” He could see Dean opening his mouth to make a snide comment. “Just shut up, dude! For once.” 

Dean blinked, pausing, and spread out his hands. Go ahead. “Dad raised us rough and in a bunch of podunk, nothing towns around a bunch of hillbilly, old-fashioned hunters.” 

“Like Bobby?” Dean asked sarcastically.

“Yeah, and like Travis.” Silence. He’d made his point. “Listen, all I’m saying is that we were raised around some pretty messed up stuff about being strong or whatever. About being a good man.” 

“Okay, and?” Dean was squinting now, looking at Sam like he had no idea what he was saying. 

Sam rolled his eyes. “And they weren’t right. I mean, they made fun of me for reading too much. The stuff they said about other people? About people that weren’t leather-wearing shotgun yielding hardasses? Some of them were just... bigots.”

“Sam, what the hell are you saying?” Dean was impatient again, but Sam’s heart sped up. Usually Dean got impatient when he was uncomfortable.

“I’m saying that it’s understandable, you know, for us to still feel some of that. But we don’t have to be like them, Dean.”

“Sammy, are you trying to tell me something?” Dean was leaning forward, hands on his knees.

“Yeah, man! I’m trying to say that I don’t think like them. I’m not- it doesn’t change anything for me if somebody’s, like, gay or something-”

Dean folded back up. “Oh, and you think it does for me? Jesus Sam, I may be a dick but I’m not an asshole.”

Sam put his face in his hands. This was coming out so wrong. “I’m saying, Dean, that looking at guys doesn’t make you any less of a man.” There was dead silence. Sam swallowed and looked up to see Dean staring at him angrily, but Sam could swear there was a little hint of fear in the way Dean was working his jaw. 

“I don’t know what you’re thinking you’re seeing Sammy, but you’re way off base.” He got up and stormed away to his room without another word.  

---------------------

Dean slammed his bedroom door with a bang that made even him jump. He stopped dead and breathed shakily, trying to sort through his thoughts. He was pissed, for one thing. That much he knew. He was also shaking. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to picture that dock he loved to fish at, the one he dreamed about on his best nights. It always calmed him down.

Why the hell would Sam think that he was… what, gay? Dean laughed out loud to himself. He loved the ladies. He more than loved the ladies. Hell, he had dumped Sam at a bar plenty of times to spend some quality time in their hotel room with a hot girl. No way, Sam must’ve hit his head. 

But he went over the conversation in his head again, all that stuff Sam had said about John’s buddies growing up. It was true, marine vets and hunters in the ‘80s and ‘90s were not the most open-minded crowd. They’d given Sam shit about his good grades and his hair, given Dean shit about his cheekbones for gods’ sake. That time he’d wanted to go to the prom, that time they’d caught him listening to Radio Speedwagon… okay, so they were assholes. Sure. And no, some of them hadn’t had the greatest things to say about Freddie Mercury or Rock Hudson or David Bowie… But that didn’t make him like them. He didn’t have crushes on guys like that…

Okay so he could admit that Fred from Scooby Doo was annoyingly perfect. And he had been a little obsessed with him as a kid. But that didn’t mean he wanted the guy.

And Rodney, that guy in sophomore year that he tutored in Latin for extra cash, the swimmer. He’d tried so hard to make him laugh, he had such a nice laugh. And arms. But it wasn’t like he’d ever done anything…

Lee was a one-time thing. Dean was lonely and on an adrenaline rush from his first case without John, and they got drunk. It just happened. And they’d woken up to John banging on the door and even after they had all their clothes on, they still got chewed out for being drunk. And he and Lee, well, he never let it happen again. And after the cult thing, after the bloodbath in Arizona… Dean had been shitty. He had been mean and dismissive and told Lee to fuck off, that I was drunk, man, and he didn’t see Lee again until he had to kill him. 

But that didn’t make him gay. 

He hadn’t done stuff with a guy since. Maybe he’d looked at them. Maybe he’d gotten blushy and tongue-tied a couple of times around a couple of detectives, but he was naturally awkward sometimes. And plenty of straight dudes watched gay porn. 

Dean laughed and felt a tear slide down his face, and he stopped it up tight. Okay, fine. So Sam was right. Maybe he liked guys. In a way adjacent to the way he liked girls. 

Maybe that made him bi.

-------

“Sam.” It came out stern and rough and too loud, and Dean cleared his throat. Sam was making himself breakfast, so Dean leaned up against the counter and waited until he looked up from his eggs. 

“Look, I’m… I’m sorry. For the other night. Um…” He cleared his throat again. “Look, you were just trying to get me to ‘introspect’ or whatever, and I don’t really…”

“Deal with that well?” Sam smiled softly and Dean laughed nervously, looking down. He looked back up and caught Sam’s eye. Sam knew, he got it. And he knew what Dean was trying to say. Dean nodded and cleared his throat again.

“Thanks. Okay, enough of that talk for a lifetime!” he said cheerily. He started to practically run from the room but paused at the doorway and shouted. “Chicks are still hot though!” 

Sam laughed. “Never doubted that, Dean. Nobody could fake your kind of enthusiasm.”

Dean grinned and winked, and then he left the room.

He was out.

----------------

Sam talked to Cas next. For all the saving the world and working against God they were doing, they had a lot of down time. Cas was studying a lore book in the library while Jack and Dean watched a full season of “River Monsters” for an “educational break from the world destruction shit.”

“Hey Cas, can I ask you a question?” He sat down across from Cas and leaned across the table. This was going to be so much easier than the conversation with Dean. And he really needed to know if… well, if he was right. If there was a chance that, after all this, Dean could be happy with somebody who understood the life, like he wanted to be. That is, if they all survived.

“Of course, Sam, what is it?” Cas was as earnest as ever. He smiled. Dean’s constant gruffness could be good with that earnestness. Was already good with it.

“Angel… society, I guess. How does that work?”

Cas tilted his head, confusion and a hint of snark behind his words. “You’re going to have to be more specific, Sam. Angels have lived for millennia spread across the entire universe.”

“Yeah, okay.” Sam sighed. Maybe this wouldn’t be that much easier. “Like, I know you said angels don’t have gender or anything, but… do you have sexuality? Love? Those kinds of… things?” Fuck, was he being too obvious? Dean would kill him. Chuck would actually get his perfect ending.

Cas was pondering. “Well, I suppose it changes in degree for every angel, as it does with humans. But, yes, we have emotions not unlike humans. Without them, I would never have fallen in the first place.”

Sam sucked in a breath. “Right, like, you, um, you saw Dean and…”

Cas nodded. “Once I saw what heaven was doing to Dean and you, I started to have doubts. I started to feel… for humans. And well, Dean pushed me into making the right decision. He got me angry enough.” Cas smiled at the memory. 

“Yeah, uh, he’s pretty good at that.” Sam cleared his throat. “So, you have emotions, can you fall in love?”

“I don’t know.” Cas looked at Sam’s perplexed face and tried to explain. “I can feel connection, I can feel loyalty, I can feel… desire…” Sam was un com fort able again, why did he decide to do this? “But whether that amounts to human love, I don’t know. I never had the chance to fall in love as a human; I too heavily relied on you and Dean to feel at all comfortable.”

“I mean, that sounds like love to me. All of that and… knowing that if you lost them, it would hurt something awful. That you’d do anything in the world to save them from any pain.” Sam was back on Eilleen again, he couldn’t shake her. 

Cas was silent for a moment until Sam came out of his thoughts and motioned for him to continue. “As for sexuality, angels do not have what humans define as gay or straight or anything else. We see souls as much as vessels. Gender is inconsequential.”

“Right, yeah, I imagine it’s hard to be gay when you don’t have genders in the first place.” Sam laughed, but Cas stayed silent. Apparently he didn’t see any humor in it. “Well, uh, have you ever thought about… I mean, do you ever want to settle down or something?” 

God, was he asking him for his intentions or something? Sam could not believe his clumsiness. It all sounded better in his head. 

“Sam, I’ve been alive for millenia and will live for many more, if Chuck doesn’t destroy the world. If I were to find a mate or any such thing, I would have to see them age and die and live on. Is that something you would want in my shoes? Is it something anyone would want to be involved with?” Cas was almost… bitter. But more, he just seemed tired. And sad. 

“I’m sorry, Cas. I never thought of it that way.” Sam started to stand, to leave him alone, but he paused. “For the record, though, yes, it is something I would want. We all have to lose people we love someday, but it’s pointless if you use that as an excuse. Sounds like something Dean would say.” He sighed and left Cas sitting alone with his thoughts.

-----------

Cas was… he was pensive. Sam’s question’s replayed in his head, that last comment on repeat the most. Love and desire and loyalty and pain, that is what characterized love. He mulled it over. So many years had been wasted on heavenly wars, following orders without question and executing “the will of God” without doubt. Really, the only time he started to feel emotions that made him really… ache… well, it was with Dean.

Dean was the first human he’d ever met to treat him like he was… human. Dean was the first person he ever stepped in for, ever betrayed orders to try to protect. Dean was the first human to make him double over with laughter. Dean was still the only person who would go to the ends of the universe for him; he’d shown it time and time again. 

But behind all the big stuff, Cas really started to think. He thought, at first, that his heart was speeding up from excitement, from the danger, that looking at Dean was just the alarm bells that would set off his fall. But they’d never stopped.

They had a profound bond.

It was possible, then, after all this time, that Megatron had been right. Castiel was in love, with humanity in general no, but with one man, yes. The one man he’d given up everything for. Maybe Sam was right. Maybe after Chuck was defeated, there would be time for love. 

He remembered his deal with The Empty. If he was happy, truly, then he would die. But hadn’t Castiel risked that for Dean many times before?

---------

Dean’s first steps into intentional bisexuality included lots of porn and even more stuttering. He went out to a gay bar, the only one in 100 miles that he could tell, and bumped into every table his shaky legs could find. He spilled drinks and messed up pick up lines he’d used for years. His face saved him. He made out with a few guys, got pushed up against walls in the alley and discovered not only butts were butts, but mouths were mouths. Universally. 

He never went any further. 

He was far from a virgin, but, after so many years, Dean was scared. Ass hanging out in the wind scared. And he was not about to admit that to anybody, which meant he was not about to get in any kind of situation that he would freak in. So no sex.

So after a while, Dean laid off on the investigation and just… let it be. He started driving around in Baby a lot, parking in the middle of nowhere to think, trying to get comfortable with new and improved him. One night he accidentally did that until about 3 in the morning.

Dean drove back to the bunker that night, dazed and confused, if you will, by his feelings. He parked Baby in the garage and went around the long way, still trying to parse out why the hell he was so hung up on the idea of fucking a guy. 

Castiel was waiting up for him. He sat in the library, holding a glass of whiskey that he’d obviously not touched. “Cas, buddy,” Dean yawned and stretched, walking over to him. “What are you doing out here?” 

Cas shrugged. “I guess I was just making sure you got home. I mean, were alright. I didn’t know where you were.”

“You tell me everywhere you’re going?” Dean winced inwardly at how harsh that sounded. His gut reaction was still defensiveness; he wasn’t ready to tell Cas about any of this. He took the glass out of Cas’s hand and downed the whiskey; maybe that would soften his edges a bit.

“I was just worried.” 

“Cas, phones, for the millionth time, phones exist. Pretty sure you were there when they were invented.”

Cas pursed his lips, annoyed. “Well excuse me for caring about you, Dean. I was under the impression that that was what we did around here.” He tried to stand up but Dean waved an arm at him that forced him to sit again.

“Listen, I’m sorry, okay? I’ve just been… working a few things out. Going on drives. Um…” Dean trailed off. Cas had tugged at his tie to loosen it; he got fidgety when he was annoyed. And that made Dean feel something that he was just learning to recognize. Cas looked up at him, confused at his sudden silence, and then they were just looking. At each other. Like they had so many times before. Except this time Dean knew exactly what he was feeling and it scared the fuck out of him. And Cas knew exactly what he was feeling, and it scared the fuck out of him. 

“Okay, I’m, uh, I’m hitting the sack. You coming?” Dean started to stand up and almost choked on his own breath. “I mean, you going to your room, because it’s too creepy to think of you just sitting out in the dark like this all night.” 

“Yes. I guess I am.” Cas said softly. Whatever made Dean happy. Even when he was being a dick.

--------

SAD ENDING:

They were ready. Well, not ready, but as ready as they ever would be. Chuck was waiting, he knew they were coming, and Team Free Will 2.0 had all the weapons they could muster. And yet they still geared up like it was a normal hunt. Sam was packing snacks, for fuck’s sake.

Dean walked the halls nervously, tapping on the wall by Jack’s open door. “Hey kid, you doing alright?” 

Jack looked up at him, apprehension written all over his face. “When am I not ready to kill my grandparents, the two oldest cosmic beings, in a final hail Mary to save the entire universe and everyone I love?” 

Dean chuckled as much as he could given the truth of the statement. “Hey, we’ve all got your back, kid. And if we go down, we’ll go down swinging. Together. ”

Jack nodded and Dean backed off, rounding the corner to Cas’s room. “Cas.” he said it softly, but Cas still startled and turned around. Dean held up his hands in surrender. “Just, uh, checking in, I guess.” Cas hesitated a second and nodded silently. “Did you ever think we’d get here, when you first chunked me out of hell?” 

Cas smiled softly. Somehow, through everything, that time in hell had almost become a fond memory. “No, Dean, I can honestly say I never thought I would be here, with you, about to attempt to kill God. Chuck.” There was that bitterness that made Dean a little sad, made him remember how much Castiel believed in God in the beginning.

“Yeah, well, I guess this is it then.”

He looked at Cas and suddenly realized how close they were standing. His eyes searched Cas’s, and they looked at each other for too long of a beat. 

“Yes. It seems like it.”

Dean sighed. “Cas, I just wanna say, before we, you know,” he waved a hand around. “I just wanna say, dimes for donuts we don’t make it out of this alive, and-” 

“Dean, you don’t need to.”

Dean blanched. Dean, for one, didn’t have any idea what the hell he’d been about to say, so how did Cas? “I just mean-”

“Hasn’t everything already been said? Everything we’ve been through, over all these years, hasn’t that said enough?”

Dean sighed and looked down with a sad smile. “Guess you’re right.” He’d always been a man of action more than words.

Dean gave an infinitesimal nod and Cas gave one back, decided, and they went to fight. Maybe someday there would be a time for words. 

Except there weren’t any more days. Not for them.

[queenmylovely]

Just My Luck; Part 3

Summary: John deacon x fem!reader. John and Reader make plans to see each other

Warnings: cussing, slow burn

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: There’s more of Queen in this one, especially of the Chaos Duo. It’s kind of a filler chapter, but there are a lot of cute little moments. Most likely, I’ll be posting on weekends from now own. As always let me know what you think!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14 (Epilogue), Masterlist

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Exactly three weeks after John sent the letter to you, he received one and sent another.

Receiving your letter was a godsend to him. To all of the boys. Not only did it save Deaky from his own worrisome mind, but it also saved Brian from constantly having to patrol Freddie and Roger, and saved Freddie and Roger from coming under the wrath of over protective Brian or manic Deaky. Not that the cycle wouldn’t repeat itself as soon as a week passed with no reply.

In the aftermath of your letter, Roger and Freddie figured they had an about two day grace period where they could talk about you and tease John as much as they wanted.

“Well it’s official, you two are now properly each other’s,” teased Freddie, referencing the way each of you signed off your letters. This got an eye roll and beginnings of a quick response from Deaky but he continued anyway, “Why don’t we call you Johnny? Where the hell did Deaky come from?” He questioned. “Johnny is much more traditional.”

“Are you joking? Fred, you’re the one who started calling me Deaky, because Johnny was too traditional,” replied a flabbergasted John.

“Oh that’s right, because fuck how things are traditionally done. Although I thinks it’s absolutely precious that your girl has a special nickname for you,” Freddie remembered, giving Deaky a cheeky smile. Deaky just ignored the comment about you being his girl and tried to focus on tuning his bass.

Since the band was in the studio before noon, John had gotten the letter early and decided to mail his response on the way back home. For now, he, Freddie, and Roger were in the control room while Brian was working some guitar part in the sound booth.

“In any case, I think the best course of action for you, Deaks, is to meet on your turf. If she comes to London, you can show her around, take her to all the fanciest places, have her stay with you, in your bed,” Roger said into the silence. His last remark was solely for Deaky’s embarrassment, and he knew his mission was accomplished when he saw the red on the other man’s cheeks. He didn’t allow Deaky time to object as he continued, “Plus, we only went to Brussels in Belgium, not this Tourn-ey place, wherever the fuck that is. You wouldn’t be any help there.”  

“Tournai,” John mumbled with the correct pronunciation. “It’s part of the French region in Belgium called Wallonia.”

“Well I’m glad to see that college education and those research skills haven’t gone to waste,” Roger joked, drawing laughs from the other two.

“French, you say, Deaky?” Freddie asked and John nodded. “You do know that French is the language of love, don’t you, dear? I bet Y/N is quite fluent and would jump at the chance to teach you.”

Again, Deaky just flushed at the implications of Freddie’s somewhat convoluted metaphor and focused on his bass.

After a while, they went back to working and got consumed by it. At around 4:00 p.m., when they finally had their lunch, Deaky remembered to write the letter, relying only on himself this time. He dropped it in a post box on their way home, this time around 9:00 p.m.

_____

Ten days later, after driving back from an early shift at the café, you were checking the mail in the lobby of your building and saw the now tell-tale sign of a letter addressed to you but without a name on the returning address. You sprinted up your stairs, seeing the long line outside of the elevator and knowing it would be faster to run. Reaching your apartment, you slowed down and grabbed your keys but picked right back up again once inside and ran into Jeanne’s open room. Even though it was half past noon she was still in bed, as she didn’t have class at all and didn’t work until much later. As you ran up, you grabbed her shoulder, giving it a small shake. She jumped awake then saw it was you and groaned, “Ugh, why did you wake me up? Why are you breathing so heavily? Wait, what’s in your hands? Is that another letter from John?” her questions becoming less annoyed and more excited as she went.

“Yes. But I can’t read it, I need you to.”

“Too nervous?” she asked, grabbing the letter from you as you nodded. “You know he’s going to say yes. Of course he wants to meet you in person.”

You just waited for her to start.

“Okay, here goes: ‘Dear Y/N, Your time at uni and your career plans sound brilliant. I’m sure you’ll be an amazing professor. If only I would have been so lucky to have someone like you for a communications professor, I might be better at it.’ Oh that’s cute,” Jeanne remarked and you smiled but looked down to hide the way his compliment made you feel.

She continued “‘I have been to Belgium, Brussels to be exact, but I haven’t ever been to Tournai. Since you’re teaching English there, do you speak French? Didn’t your best friend from high school speak French too?’ Yes, that’s right, John! Her lovely best friend, Jeanne, is the entire reason any of this reconnection is possible,” Jeanne laughed, delighted at this new revelation, causing you to groan and put your head in your hands. Jeanne remained content in her moment, pausing to do a little dance.

“What next, Jeanne? I’m sure the letter doesn’t stop at the mention of you,” you prompted when she took too long.

“Oh, right, just got a little distracted. Hmm, he says, ‘Although I did enjoy my time at Chelsea College, and did earn my degree, I’m not an engineer. I’m not sure that you would remember, but when we were in high school I was in a couple bands, which is what prompted my current career path. I’m working in music right now, which is what has allowed me to travel so much, to answer your other question.’ Wow, you didn’t tell me he was a musician!” Jeanne scolded with admiration for John in her eyes.

“I did, actually, it was just like, 7 years ago.”

“Ha, I keep forgetting that this is the same John as all those years ago. Okay, let’s see, next he says, ‘I absolutely would love to meet you in person! There’s no way that I would let you get within 300 km of me without seeing you.’ Hoo! That was too much. That just about took me out, how are you?” Jeanne said, fanning her face at his comments and looking at you to gauge your reaction. Your lips were pursed, eyes were wide and staring at the floor, and you felt your ears and cheeks heat up. Shaking your head, you motioned her to continue.

“‘If you wanted to come see London, I could show you around, being a local and all. I’m going to be in London all summer, so if you had any specific dates, I’m sure I’d be open.You could stay with me if you would like so you don’t have to pay for a hotel. Through my work I have access to discounted aeroplane tickets, if you would rather fly than take a 5 hour train ride. I honestly can’t wait to see you now. Ever Yours, Johnny.’ That’s so nice, you should take him up on his offer!” Jeanne said, referring to the plane tickets and extra room.

You were stuck on him wanting to see you so badly so it took you a second to respond, “What? Oh yeah, I’ll look into it.”

“Can’t focus because you’re smitten, huh?”

“Hmmm? What about a cat?”

“Smitten, not kitten. Geez, you’re gone,” Jeanne said as she laughed at the far-off look in your eyes. You remained in this state as you wrote back to him. Writing the letter, you probably poured in too much emotion, but Jeanne wouldn’t let you edit it any further. You had to trust Jeanne to drop the letter off on her way to work since you were busy with the final bit of paperwork you had before leaving for Tournai, which was just over one week away.

_____

You spent the rest of that week packing, carefully choosing what clothes you would bring with you. It was tricky because you were going there to teach but also to travel. This meant you had to have a lot of business casual clothes but also a wide array of layers in case you traveled somewhere colder. The most difficult choices were for the clothes you thought you would take with you to London. You wrestled with yourself because you didn’t want to stress out so much over clothes and definitely didn’t want to choose clothes specifically for one boy. Still, you kept thinking What will impress John? What will John like? despite yourself.

However, there was only so long you could agonize for and only so much you could fit. Eventually, all of your clothes and necessities were packed and you were spending your last night in the States much as you had the first night you had heard all of A Night at the Opera, with Jeanne and your mom.

The three of you talked during dinner then watched a movie, and closed out the night with another listening of the album, but paired with ice cream this time. It was an early night because you had to get up extremely early for the airport the next morning. Also because of this, your mom stayed over and slept in your bed with you.

After getting ready and getting into your bed, you were laying on your back staring at the ceiling. Your mom was facing the other way on her side, about to turn the lamp off when you spoke, causing her to turn to look at you “I’m nervous, Mom.”

“I know, honey. But you’re going to do great. Everyone in your class will learn English quick as whips, and I bet transitioning to life in Belgium will be easier than you think,” she said reassuringly. But that wasn’t all that was on your mind.

“Is it stupid that I’m actually more nervous about meeting John than I am about leaving the country for three months?” you questioned, grimacing at your own words.

“Nothing you feel is stupid. And I know you’re feeling vulnerable and scared, but there’s no way that you and John won’t get along. You wrote letters to each other for five years and never ran out of things to talk about. As soon as you get over the initial awkwardness, you’ll be thick as thieves.”

“Thanks, Mom. Love you, goodnight.”

“Love you too, goodnight, sweetie,” she said, turning off the light and rolling back on her side.

The alarm rang out all too soon, before the sun was up, and before you actually fell into a deep sleep. The three of you got up and got dressed in silence, eating toast and fruit with eyes half-closed. Jeanne drove your car to the airport with your mom and you leaning on each other in the backseat. The only sound was the soft music playing from the radio, a song you vaguely recognized as early Queen, called “Some Day One Day.”

Walking into the airport, to the luggage drop off, and to the gate, you were all chatting and making sure you had everything that you needed in your carry-on. The three of you sat at the gate to wait and soon enough, the first group was called to board. You were in the second group, so you started saying your goodbyes right away, hugging Jeanne first.

“I’m going to miss you so much! What am I going to do alone for three months? How am I going to handle having our entire apartment to myself? Without you reminding me constantly about dishes and vacuuming and dusting and eating all of my food?” Jeanne’s tone was turning from sad to gleeful as she realized all of the good things about you being gone.

From your place next to her head, you tried to turn and look at her, “You sound suspiciously happy that I’m leaving.”

“Happy? No, not me! Just a little liberated, heh,” she admitted and you both laughed.

“As I’m sure you just realized, you’ll be fine without me. Plus, the university gave us those vouchers to give to the phone company so international calls won’t charge extra, so you can call me anytime. Anytime that I’m awake that is.”

Then it was time to say goodbye to your mom. You both got misty-eyed and gave each other a long hug. It was times like these that you were glad you never got taller than your mom, happy for the extra comfort and protection her height gave you. After a minute, you both pulled away, and she held onto your arms, “I’m so proud of you, Y/N. This is a big step, and I know you’re going to do great. Remember to call me as soon as you get there and every Monday after that.”

“Thank you, Mom. Don’t worry, I will,” you replied. Then the intercom came on, calling for your group to board, “Love you, Jeanne,” you said, pulling her in for another quick hug before doing the same with your mom and kissing her on the cheek, “Love you, Mom. Keep each other company while I’m gone!”

They nodded and waved, as you walked right up to the desk, the last goodbye making you the last in your group. They stood together and watched the plane until it took off before heading back to the apartment to go on about their days.

_____

Deaky was asleep on the couch of the control room when the studio received your letter the day after you left Seattle.

Roger and Freddie, however, were wide awake, waiting for Brian to return with coffee when an intern came in with the letter and they maneuvered it from the unknowing college kid. They were quick to convince each other to open and read it without waking up Deaky.

Deciding to take turns reading it out loud, Freddie started, “‘Dear Johnny, Oui, je parle français.’ Oh she does speak French, astounding! ‘And yes, my still best friend, Jeanne, is the main reason that I can speak it at all. We’re roommates now and we still spend every Saturday just speaking French so we don’t lose it since her parents moved back to Montreal.’”

“This Jeanne girl sounds interesting. She can talk in English and French,” Roger said in a thoughtful voice, biting his lip. “They live together, too. Two girls speaking to each other in French…”

“Yes, that’s what it means to be bilingual,” Freddie replied dry-pan, ignoring Roger’s snort at the word “bilingual.” With a sigh, he continued, “‘Jeanne made it clear that she thought it was important to note that she’s the entire reason I’m even travelling to Tournai. But I can’t be too annoyed because that’s the reason I’m getting to meet you.’ My heart! I’m not sure I can keep reading this, you better take over.”

“Sure, you know I like a confident woman,” Roger smirked, earning an eye roll from Freddie. He found where Freddie left off on the page, “‘Of course I remember your bands! I always wanted to hear you play. When I’m in London, you’ll have to play me some of your old songs so I can experience it live!’ Ha, little does she know she’ll be staying with bassist of Queen. This is going to blow her mind!”

“Rog, love, do try to stay a little humble. She’s American, we’re not as well known over there. She might not even know who we are,” Freddie reminded him before joining the other man’s laughs. Although Freddie could be shy and wasn’t one to make other uncomfortable with his newfound wealth and fame, he was never less than proud of Queen, and wasn’t afraid to show it.

“Okay, okay, ‘If you’d be willing to have me, I would be delighted to stay with you and see London! You’re so sweet to extend your home to me. You’re way too kind to offer those vouchers, I’m fine taking the train. I have a week off from June 1-9, so I could come for a couple days if any of those work for you. I’m actually leaving for Tournai this Wednesday, so you can send the next letter to the address on the index card. Looking forward to seeing you more and more everyday! Very Truly Yours, Y/N. p.s. You seem very capable at communication to me, but the real test is in person.’ Oh-hoh-hoh, getting a little flirty aren’t we there,” Roger remarked, smirking.

“Ooo, very suggestive. Sounds like Deaky here is going to get himself a girlfriend by the first of June!” Freddie replied, both of them laughing.

“Deaky and Y/N sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S…,” one of them started and the other sang along. It was this that woke Deaky up. He rose to sitting on the couch and watched them dancing around with their backs to him.

He rubbed his eyes sleepily while asking, “What are you two on about?”

This stopped them in their tracks. They quickly put the letter back in the envelope, and whipped around, Roger holding the letter behind their backs. Unfortunately for them, Deaky had seen the flash of white.

“Nothing…” they replied in unison, trying to sound innocent.

“If you’re not up to anything, what are you hiding behind your backs?” Deaky questioned in a serious tone.

“Oh this?” Roger asked as he held up the letter and Deaky gasped. “It’s nothing important, just a letter from Y/N,” he said, tossing it to him.

“You opened it without me?”

“Not without you, darling, you were right there on the couch,” Freddie defended.

“I was asleep,” Deaky said half paying attention as he reopened the letter. As he started reading, his full focus stayed on what you wrote, not noticing the other two men staring intently at him. They exchanged glances when he visibly reacted to your words, grinning at you wanting to hear him play, frowning when you declined the vouchers, and giggling at your post-script.

Brian walked in as Deaky finished reading and looked at the scene in front of him before clearing his throat and holding up four cups of coffee. The other three heads snapped up, eyes zeroing in on the coffee. As they drank, Deaky filled Brian in on the details.

“You should definitely send the vouchers anyway. You should also tell her to stay the entire week. You can’t see all of London in two or three days,” Brian persuaded him, with encouragement from Roger and Freddie.

Deaky wrote another letter, including the vouchers and inviting you to stay the whole time.

_____

After arriving in Tournai, you got set up at an apartment with another graduate student from your program. As soon as you could, you called your mom and then Jeanne to check in.

Because of the day it took to travel, and the night stay at a hotel for orientation, you got John’s letter your second day at the apartment. You were surprised, but quickly remembered that mail would be much quicker within Europe.

You were so happy to see that he wanted you to stay the whole time and in your own letter gladly accepted. Although you thought the vouchers were too generous, some time on the phone with Jeanne convinced you to accept them anyway. Her talk didn’t stop you from thanking him over and over in your next letter, though.

_____

Over the course of the next week, you got settled in at your job teaching, too. Your new roommate, Eileen, was from France and was in Tournai to teach public speaking in the student’s native language. You thought you were lucky to be able to speak to her easily. She was nice, but reserved, and you soon developed a routine of eating breakfast together at the apartment and lunch together at the school, but had separate dinners.

On weekends you didn’t see much of her, so you explored much of Tournai on your own, quickly finding a cafe you loved and becoming a regular at the Museum of Fine Arts. Each week on Saturdays, you would spend the entire afternoon taking in a different branch for hours. You had completed three before your first four weeks were over and it was time to travel to London.

You packed your carry-on for London on the Friday night before, Jeanne on the phone to give you advice the whole time. You decided on two pairs of pants, two skirts, two dresses, five shirts, two jackets, and two pairs of shoes, including what you would wear on the plane. One of the dresses was pretty fancy, a choice made by Jeanne “just in case.”

You had told Eileen you would be gone during your week off a week earlier, and Saturday morning she asked you more about where you were going. Always polite and never prying, she accepted your description of your pen pal with understanding and offered to walk you to the train that would take you to airport. Walking with her, you confessed your nerves, and she turned to face you.

“We don't know each other that well, and I like you. He knows you very well,” she offered. You knew what she was implying, even if she wouldn’t go that far herself. That strengthened your resolve and thanked her, coming up on the train station. You kissed each other’s cheeks, as the French were wont to do, and stepped on the train, waving goodbye.

At the airport, you walked quickly and got to the gate forty-five minutes early. You sat, reading the book you had brought with you, Murder on the Orient Express. You had been inspired to read Agatha Christie’s books after her death reminded you of how much you liked the movie of the same name that came out a couple of years prior.  

When your group number was called to board, you took a deep breath and stood. With no one to say goodbye to you walked straight to the forming line without hesitation.

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[midwinterblinder]

Will you help me?

Chapter 6: Pregnancies and abortions

Y/N spends the night staring at the ceiling of John’s old room. She’s very aware that Tommy is sleeping across the hall and doesn’t want to risk waking him with one of her nightmares, so she stays awake. She doesn’t have work tomorrow, so it won’t be a problem if she’s tired. She wonders if she would have been able to sleep if she wanted to with the noises around her. She can hear Arthur through the wall. He sounds like he’s having a nightmare and part of her wants to get up to help him but she’s not sure how she would be able to, so she stays where she is.

Across the hall, Tommy is staring up at the ceiling as well. He can’t use opium, because Y/N will be able to smell it, and he can’t go to sleep without it, because then the nightmares are even worse. He doesn’t want to worry her, so he stays awake.

The next morning Tommy comes downstairs to find Y/N sitting in the kitchen by herself. The kettle is on and she has spread out some of the food on the table, so everyone will be able to help themselves to breakfast as soon as they come in. “I see you still know the way around here.” He smiles as he recalls the times Y/N has made her way around the kitchen before.

At the sound of his voice, Y/N lowers the newspaper she’s reading and offers him a small smile. “Well, everything is still in the same place.” She says, but her smile falls as she sees the dark circles under Tommy’s eyes. “Did you not sleep well?” She asks and the concern on her face warms his heart, but the question has a completely different effect.

He wishes it could always be like this; her being there in the morning, them having breakfast together. But he also notices how exhausted she looks. “I could ask you the same.” He avoids her question as he takes a seat. “Is John’s bed not comfortable?”

Y/N keeps a close eye on Tommy as he focuses on a cigarette he just pulled out of his pocket. “It was fine, but you know what a light sleeper I am, and Arthur was having a tough night.” She says. She’s not really lying; she is a light sleeper and Arthur was making quite a bit of noise. Tommy doesn’t need to know that she didn’t even try to fall asleep. “You should eat something.” She quickly changes the subject as she pushes the bread in his direction. “You can’t live off cigarettes alone.” She adds as she stands up to get the kettle off the stove.

Tommy watches her move around the kitchen like she used to do as she prepares the tea and reaches out to get a slice of bread. It’s been a long time since he actually ate breakfast, usually he just starts the day with a cigarette and eats whatever is available when he gets hungry, but the domestic scene in front of him is enough to convince him to spend a little more time at the breakfast table.

After Tommy manages to calm the horse down after it got scared by the noise from the factories, he walks past The Garrison where he’s almost hit by the content of a bucket that Grace empties onto the street. She apologizes but he doesn’t quite believe it was an accident. She introduces herself, but he quickly lets her know that he knows who she is.

His jaw clenches when she asks him if she can sing in the pub, his mind going back to how upset Y/N was the other day. He ignores her question as an idea comes to mind. He could use her for his plans with Billy Kimber and get information about who she really is out of her at the same time if he plays things right. So he tells her to pick out a nice dress, so he can take her to the races, and then leaves her behind in confusion.

Y/N is sitting at her desk in the office of The Garrison when Polly bursts through the door. “He’s a fucking bastard!” She exclaims as she slams the door closed behind her. Y/N opens her mouth to ask what’s going on, but Polly doesn’t give her a chance. “You need to talk to him, he’ll listen to you.” She goes on as she paces around the office.

“What are you talking about, Polly?” Y/N asks as she watches the older woman. “What’s going on?” She’s fairly certain this is about Tommy, but why would her talking to him change anything? And what would she even talk to him about?

“Ada’s pregnant.” Polly announces as she stops in front of Y/N. She watches as Y/N’s eyes widen slightly at the news. “It’s Freddie’s, but he left town when the cops raided the place.” She goes on and she can tell that Y/N knew about Freddie and Ada, because unlike the news about Ada’s pregnancy hearing Freddie’s name doesn’t seem to surprise her. “Ada wanted Tommy to get a letter to Freddie, but he burned it.”

Y/N nods as she takes in the information. She knew about Ada and Freddie but had hoped Ada would be careful enough to avoid a situation like this. “What do you need me for though?” She asks as she furrows her eyebrows. “Tommy’s not going to listen to me, Polly.” She shakes her head at the older woman. Polly still seems to think that she has some kind of hold over Tommy, but she’s pretty sure that stopped a long time ago.

“He will.” Polly says as she looks down at Y/N, who is still sitting in her chair. “He hasn’t eaten breakfast since he came back from France. Then you appear in the kitchen in the morning and he’s been eating breakfast for three days now.” She says as she wonders how Y/N can doubt the hold she still has over Tommy. “You are the only reason we sometimes get glimpses of the Tommy from before the war. The Tommy who believed in love.” She goes on. “Talk to him.”

Y/N finds Tommy in the betting den behind a table covered in cash. His head rests in his hands but he lifts it at the sound of her footsteps. “You’re early.” He states as he straightens his back and tries to look like he’s fine. Y/N has been staying with them for three days now while her flat is being fixed up. It could have been done by now, but Tommy might be slowing down the process a little; his lack of sleep is worth seeing her every morning.

“Polly came to get me.” She tells him as she takes a seat across from him. Tommy nods in understanding as he looks down at the table, expecting another scolding. “Apparently you don’t believe in love anymore and I’m supposed to change that.” Y/N says as she keeps her eyes on him.

“It’s no good for Ada to bring a baby into the world alone.” Tommy says, but he doesn’t look up. “All Freddie sees in her is a chance at that bloody revolution of his, he doesn’t love her.” He adds as he finally looks her in the eye and she can see the turmoil of emotions in them. “I won’t let my sister throw away her life like that.”

“He does love her, Tom.” She says, and she hesitates for a moment but then reaches out to take one of his hands in hers in the hope of reassuring him. “And she loves him.” She adds. “If he knows she’s pregnant he’ll come back for her, you know he will.”

Tommy sighs as his eyes lock on their joined hands. His fingers carefully wrap around hers as he contemplates what to do. He doesn’t want his sister to ruin her life, but if Ada and Freddie truly love each other he doesn’t want to stand in the way of that. “I’ll see what I can do.”

A few days later Y/N finds herself in a room with Ada, who has been on edge for days now. Y/N’s flat is fixed and she’s living there again, but she doesn’t want to leave Ada alone in this situation, so she spends a lot of time with her. She remembers how alone she felt when she found out. Y/N tries to help, but she knows the only thing that’ll really help is if Freddie comes back. She hasn’t told Ada about Tommy’s promise to try and reach Freddie, so she wouldn’t get Ada’s hopes up. She hasn’t told Polly either, avoiding the older women whenever she tries to talk to her about it.

The companionable silence between Y/N and Ada is disturbed when Polly comes in. Polly very much doubts that Freddie will come back, especially now that Y/N won’t tell her how her talk with Tommy went. So she decides that she should take control of the situation. She tells Ada that she should get rid of the baby sooner rather than later. Y/N looks down as Polly says that she did it to herself when she was 16. “And I almost died. And he didn’t come back. They don’t. Why should they? You know the words; you’re a whore, the baby is a bastard. But there is no word for the man who doesn’t come back.” Polly tells her niece.

Y/N squeezes her eyes shut as Polly keeps talking about common sense and a woman in Cardiff who will do it. Polly’s confession brings up memories and her mind goes back to that horrible day in France, to all the blood and how awful she felt afterwards. Her hands clench into fists and it’s becoming difficult to breath as the memory comes back to her. Her eyes fill with tears that roll down her cheeks. She needs to get out, she needs air.

Polly and Ada exchange a confused look as they see Y/N stand up and make her way to the door. The look soon turns to concern as they notice her tears and Polly gives Ada’s shoulder a squeeze before she follows after Y/N. “Y/N?” She asks softly as they both stand in front of the house. Tears on both of their faces and it suddenly appears to Polly that Y/N might be upset over the same thing. But surely that can’t be true. “Did you-“ Polly starts as she steps closer, but she cuts herself off as the idea makes no sense.

Y/N covers her face with her hands, but nods as an answer to Polly’s unfinished question. She hears the older woman gasp and it only makes her cry harder, not caring that everyone can see her. She never wanted anyone to find out, but if anyone will understand it’s Polly. She’s been through the same thing. “I did it myself.” Y/N admits through her tears.

“But why?” Polly asks as she stares at the woman before her in disbelief. “Tommy would have married you on the spot, you didn’t have to do that.” She says as she tries to make sense of the situation. If Y/N had gotten pregnant Tommy would have married her, there’s no doubt in Polly’s mind about that.

“It-“ Y/N starts but cuts herself off again as she shakes her head. She knows she has to tell Polly the whole story now, but the truth still hurts. “It wasn’t his.” She manages to get out, her mind filling with images of that horrible man as he pushed her against the wall of one of the storage rooms in France. “I tried to get him off, but he was too strong.” She cries as she turns to the older woman, desperately wishing she will understand. “I didn’t want him to, Polly, I swear.”

Fresh tears appear in Polly’s eyes as she realizes what happened to Y/N. She’s so shocked that she doesn’t say anything for a while, which causes Y/N to panic. What if Polly hates her now? What if she tells Tommy? They will all hate her for this, she knows they will. This is exactly why she never wanted to tell them. Y/N is about to walk away, sure that Polly won’t want anything to do with her anymore, when Polly steps even closer and pulls her into her arms.

“I know, love, I know.” Polly’s voice sounds shaky as the two women cling to each other. “I’m so sorry.” Polly can’t hold back her tears anymore and they both stand there crying in each other’s arms.

Tags: @thinkingsofamadwoman @giftofdreams

[allthe-queens-men]

Sugar Free

John x Roger x Reader (polyamorous triad)

You feel bad about your boys spending their new money on you. So you make a plan to have only cheap and mostly at-home dates for a while.

Chapter 1

At least on tour they have each other. John, more than any of this bandmates, needs the kind of stability that he seems to find in the two of you: you and Roger help him feel grounded when everything still feels so up in the air. And God forbid Roger is left alone for more than a few days. If not for John he would’ve been calling you at 3 AM (his time) every morning. Even if he has nothing of substance to talk about, he needs to be distracted from the empty bed behind him.

You didn’t think you needed any of that. You’re happy to let them go live their dreams while you live yours, and your dreams don’t involve being uprooted for two-thirds of the year. But then your own two-thirds are gone for so long, and you love them so dearly, that the closer the day of their return, the more you find you’ve missed them all along.

Pepper sits with you at the window. She’s purring in the rare mid-September sun, eyes shut, perfectly content.

You wait.

And wait.

‘We just landed. We’ll be home soon!’ John had texted you some three hours ago. The airport isn’t right there in London, but it isn’t so far away either. And this morning that hour-drive distance is feeling greater than halfway around the world.

Part of you wants to step away, brew a relaxing cup of tea. But what if they pulled up in the meantime? You wouldn’t be there to welcome them home after seven long months. A few more minutes –your fingertips drumming erratically on the windowsill— couldn’t hurt.

“Your dads are coming home today, Pep.” But the wise creature probably already knows. You’d been flitting about the flat like a hummingbird, cleaning the tidy space spotless. You’d nearly stepped on her tail twice. And once actually did. But Pepper is a compassionate old girl –she understands.

An old black sedan pulls up out front. It was one of so many cars like it that had already passed by today. It’s so unremarkable that you don’t recognize this one as Brian’s. It had left with your boys back in February and was delivering them home today. You finally see the silhouette of his large mop of curls in the driver’s seat, and you all but fly off the sofa. Your eyes remain glued to the car, though, in case it was just your frenzied mind getting the best of you just now. But then you catch John climbing out of the back seat, dressed in khaki shorts and a t-shirt to take advantage of the pleasant weather. The way he shakes out his soft hair and pushes his bangs to the side light a candle in your soul as you grin from ear to ear.

He retrieves his bag from the boot and stands there, just off the pavement, waiting for something. Or someone.

Roger climbs out now, less graceful than John but still making it look effortless even when his boot catches on the back of Freddie’s seat. He pulls his hair out of his face and pushes his glasses back up his nose. He goes around back, shouting something incoherent to the car’s remaining occupants, and grabs his own luggage out of the back. A pat to John’s lower back briefly becomes a squeeze around his waist, and then he’s racing up the stairs.

He trips in his excitement, and it sets you to laughing. It’s the last glimpse you can get of them (John helping Roger to his feet again) before they disappear behind the wall.

You can’t wait any longer.

You tear yourself away from the window with Pepper hot on your tail as you rush to meet them at the door. You catch yourself against the wall just as the door is flung open, and in come the two loves of your life.

With a shout of your name Roger pulls you into a crushing embrace. You eagerly press your face into his shoulder, breathing in his cologne. You try to hug him back just as tight; he’s never really home until he can feel it in every nerve ending. Having you back in his arms is a good start. John sidesteps around the two of you and bends down to scratch behind Pepper’s ear. He knows he’ll get his turn. In the meantime he’s content with the cat.

“I’ve missed you so much you wouldn’t believe!” Roger exclaims when he’s loosened the hold up enough to breathe.

“You really probably wouldn’t,” John says, scooping Pepper up in his arms. She starts purring again –he’s always been her favorite.

“You think you’ve missed me? I had to do without both of you!” You’re joking, of course. You mean to, anyway. But you also know it’s a bit of a sore subject that the three of you try to work around as much as possible. “But at least I had Pepper.”

Your attempt to placate them doesn’t work on them, but John smiles and brushes your arm with his free hand. It’s a fleeting but warm and gentle touch. “Well, you don’t have to do without us now.”

“And we’ve got something big planned to make it up to you.” Roger takes you by the hand and leads you back to the lounge. “So I know we’ve been away for a while, but John and I have both been meaning to get away, just the three of us. I think it would be good for all of us.”

You sit down, John setting Pepper down and sitting next to you. “What would?”

“We’re planning a holiday to Paris.”

“Oh.” You nod, and try to match his excitement. “Sounds great!” It doesn’t work. But you had been to Paris twice before, and you were really hoping to just have some time with them at home. Something else is weighing on you now, too: something more amorphous.

Roger’s hands fall at his side. “Well, don’t be too excited now,” he teases, but you can hear the edge of hurt in his voice.

“What’s wrong, love?” John leans his chin on your shoulder. You want to relax back against him, but you’re terribly tense. John shoots Roger a look and he sits on the other side of you.

“Sorry. Maybe Paris isn’t the best idea right now?”

“No, I-…” You don’t know how to describe it. “I… As much as I’d love to go away just the three of us, I think I just want you home more than anything.”

“Oh.” And Roger is nothing if not adaptable. “Well I’ll call that fancy Parisian restaurant downtown and we’ll celebrate with dinner there tonight.”

You nod, lips drawn tight in a smile. John lets you go to go get dressed.

“This place takes months to get a table,” John says as they pull up to the restaurant. “Are you sure we actually have a reservation?”

“Relax, babe, I know the owner.”

John rolls his eyes, and Roger grins and pulls him in for a hard kiss to his cheek. He doesn’t let go until John smiles –“Alright, alright, get off me before we’re late!”— and you laugh as you walk alongside them. But as entertaining as their antics are, you feel the sinking pit in your gut again as you see just how high end the place really is. They charge exorbitant prices for the tiniest portions they can get away with. You make decent money with your job, but you know you can’t afford this kind of outing –and so you know who’s going to be footing the bill. You try not to feel too ill for the wine Roger orders for the table.

On the walk back to the flat the boys get into an argument about something too silly for them to remember by the time you get home. You’re not paying attention to all of that; you’re trying to figure out what felt so wrong about tonight, and once you can explain it to yourself, how you can explain it to John and Roger.

“Y/N?” John’s voice is so tinged with concern that you feel you need to put on a smile to put him at ease, but that doesn’t last more than a few seconds. “Are you alright?”

You sigh and lean on the front door of your building. “No, I don’t think I am.”

He frowns deeply and touches your waist. “What’s wrong?”

“Can we get inside yet?” You look down to Roger grabbing the post from the box, and then back to John. He’s as handsome as when he left, but visibly tired. “I don’t want to have this conversation outside. It’s getting chilly.”

“I’ve lost the box key!” Roger calls as he hops up the steps to join you.

John laughs softly. “We’re never getting them back, then.”

“I probably stuffed them somewhere in my bag.”

“Or they’re somewhere in Kyoto.”

“Ye of little faith.” He playfully pinches John’s cheek and pulls his house key out of his pocket. “We’ll see when we get inside.”

“Actually—” You’re hesitant to cut in, but you quickly have both their attention. “I want to talk. All three of us.”

“Oh. Alright.”

You get inside and, with both your boyfriends sitting on the couch in front of you, you go into your loosely rehearsed spiel.

“Now that you boys are making money and, well, lots of it— I understand if you want to spend some of it on me, but I can’t help feeling like a burden or… worse… a gold digger, when you drops hundreds of dollars on dinner like that.”

Roger’s face is burning as he sinks into the cushions.

“I don’t mean—… I know you mean well, Rog. I know you’re just trying to show that you love us. But I don’t have that kind of money to spend on you and it makes me feel selfish, or like I’m taking advantage of your new fame.” You don’t know what to do with your hands, so you just let them bob against your thighs. “So I guess those are my hang-ups tonight. Any questions?” You ask in jest, an attempt to lighten the mood. You’re surprised when John raises his hand. You awkwardly point to him, unsure of what to expect (you thought it was all pretty straightforward, if not a little muddled in the delivery).

“How can we help you feel better?”

You look between them, their eyes asking the same question. You feel an unexpected wave of relief wash over you, and squeeze yourself between them, ready for a long brainstorm session.

When you finally go to bed, you all have the plan in mind and feel much better for it. You sleep between your boys tonight, safe and excited.

@deacydeac @anotheronebitesthedeaks @sarcasticc-sunshin-e @im-happy-at-home @be-the-cheese-to-my-toast

[norsefluent]

13 - 18

this took three days to write but *cracks knuckles* okay, let’s do this…

13. how do they greet the world — what is their typical attitude towards life? how does it differ in different circumstances, or towards different subjects? why do they take these attitudes, and why do they change? how do these tend to be expressed?

before the war against his grandfather and the ultimate fall of asgard life was great. freddie had a ‘you can’t touch me im gonna be king one-day’ attitude of sorts. he thought because of his royal status he could do anything— get away with anything. that changed of course once his grandfather grew paranoid, grew hateful. in some ways, it turned him into someone who was almost as paranoid. he looks over his shoulder a lot more now and that childhood innocence he once had went away.

through the portal and beyond that he’s getting better. he still looks over his shoulder a lot and he’s always prepared for an attack but he knows he’s not in asgard anymore. he knows this world, living among mortals is a safe way to live. this attitude normally only changes when meeting new people— when witches and warlocks of his family’s past show up on the beauchamp doorstep but goes away after he’s introduced.

expressing anything now is obviously different than before— before in asgard he attacked first, asked questions later. that’s not how it can work in the mortal world obviously and though he still struggles with it he knows it’ll get easier with time.

⛧◟.•°* @FIIGHTCR / 42 DEVELOPMENT QUESTIONS.the rest is…

14. ANSWERED !15. what kind of inner life do they have — rich and imaginative? calculating and practical? full of doubts and fears? does it find any sort of outlet in their lives?

freddie’s a little bit of everything. obviously and like stated above in asgard when he was younger— before the war and rebellion— life was good. he was very carefree and that showed. he (despite saying he wanted nothing more than sleep) loved going to ayre beach. he loved running around getting into trouble with his friends. it changed though. he became fearful for his life and worried of his grandfather’s power. he worried what he would do to him. it lead for a lot of sleepless nights. and to be honest, he still has a lot of those nights. he’s not sure if that internal fear of wondering if his grandfather can reach him will ever go away. especially given someone like tarkoff was able to get to him. god only knows how many other people out there are loyal to his grandfather.when it comes to outlets and ways of letting go he’ll generally focus on magic. weather it’s reading his mother’s collection of spell books or playing with potions it’s the most calming thing to him because it’s the one thing he knows he can control or rather control as much as one person can when it comes to magic. he also will hike. or take a run. he’s already very big into the idea of working out and exercise and sees it as a good way to let go.

16. do they dream? what are those dreams like?

freddie doesn’t really sleep a lot. more often then not he spends the nights tossing and turning. he’s actually more comfortable on the couch then his own bed if he’s asked. the rare nights he does sleep though most of his dreams are about when things where better. when his father was alive, when he and his family still lived in asgard. it’s what gave him comfort while he was there as well. dreaming of them. he wishes he could have more dreams, but more often than not he has nightmares.

17. are they more shaped by nature or nurture — who they are, or what has happened to them? how have these shaped who they’ve become as a person?

oh sweet christ, i could write a book. first and foremost freddie is shaped by nurture. unlike his sisters freddie wasn’t raised with his mother (or a couple hundred years with both his mother and father). he didn’t have Wendy around either. he had his grandfather. a man driven by power and paranoia. a man that tried to kill him more times than freddie could actually count. still, the nature part of him— the dna and genes created by his parents kept him kind. kept him gentle.i belive more than anything that had he not sided with his grandfather, had he stayed with his family his everything would have been different. it’s a big reason why after everything goes down at the end of season two he goes and travels. he wants to find out who he is without his grandfather because it’s something that has defined him for more years than he likes to admit. it’s why when he’s in east end he finally uses his gift, his powers for good by volunteering at the fire department.

18. what kind of person could they become in the future? what are some developmental paths that they could take, (best, worst, most likely?) what would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? what paths would you especially like to see, and why?

back to the whole nature or nurture concept and the part i touched on above about if he grew up with his family: freddie like anyone else is capable of change it’s something he proved by trying to save ingrid. by finally picking his mother’s side and being willing to end his grandfather so i without a doubt belive that after everything is all said and done that he would become a better person. it would take time but he could and ultimately would do it.his biggest consequences i feel will be more internally. he beats himself up a lot about all he’s done— granted it was all done with the best of intentions but it’s now the fact he has to live with it. it’s not only guilt for things he did when he was in asgard either but the guilt of his father’s death. the guilt of what happens to wendy as well falls on him he feels. at least until she is brought back.i think paths i want to see him take too would mostly be just the whole concept of a road to redemption. he wants to get back into his mother’s good graces as well as his sisters. a big thing he also wants to do is find a way back to asgard. if only to try and clean up the mess his grandfather made. the mess he helped make.

[legxllyblxndc]

hayes family dinner ( @foreverwednesday​ )

EH GCH WH BC AM MS AG: "Mum! Noah's in my seat!" Nancy whined into the kitchen, attempting to shove her brother out of the chair she usually sat in at dinnertime for the third time. "Mum!" She shouted through, wanting her mum to come in and tell him to move - it had always been this way at dinnertimes, although as the two of them got older it was becoming less frequent to have everybody around this table. They'd tried to make the effort since Elias had died, though. "Would you please just move? You know I like sitting here!" She told him, sighing dramatically. She always liked sitting next to her grandma Grace at these dinners and she knew her brother knew that.

EH GCH WH BC AM MS AG: Freddie groaned as Noah and Nancy continued to bicker, taking a gulp of his water and shaking his head. "Will you two stop pratting around?" He snapped, looking at them with an annoyed expression. "Just sit somewhere else." He wasn't usually quite this irritable, but he'd not had a lot to drink today, knowing he had this dinner to come to - and he and Dawn had argued right before he'd come to the dinner. "And don't ask me to take my hat off, before you start." He told Grace with narrowed eyebrows. "I'm cold. It's staying on." He'd only served to get more grumpy as he got older. He did enjoy these dinners with his family, he liked getting to see them all together... Sometimes it was just hidden by the moodiness.

EH GCH WH BC AM MS AG: "Noah, just move!" Ava called from the kitchen with a groan, trying to dish everything up as quickly as she could because she knew people would be getting impatient. "Dinner will be ten minutes, maximum!" She called through, stopping to take a sip of her wine and wipe her forehead with the back of her hand. She loved these dinners, she loved getting to see her kids properly and speak to her nephew too - but it was always a little stressful when they started bickering. Especially since she knew Freddie would be grumpy about it. Things had been even more stressful lately, because Noah had been so adamant about her giving him his birth certificate - they had managed to avoid this so many times in the past and she was sure they'd be able to find a way around it this time, too... But it didn't mean it wasn't stressful for her. "Does anybody need a new drink?" She called, raising an eyebrow.

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo kept his eyes on the table in front of him, his foot tapping the floor moodily as he listened to everything going on around him. He was keeping his word, he hadn't spoken to or even looked at Iris properly, but it was hard. He wanted to. At stuff like this, the two of them would usually be non-stop chattering and he felt like everything was totally different now because of it. He sighed and looked to his mum, before he looked back at the table. He didn't really want to be there anymore and he really hoped it didn't last as long as these dinners usually did. He just wanted to be at home, where he didn't have to be reminded of how badly he'd messed up constantly.

FH AH AG NH AG: Aaron looked sadly at his son; he knew how downhearted he felt about everything, how much he regretted what he'd done to Iris... And although he didn't blame her, he did wish that she would be able to find forgiveness for him. He loved him so much, he just wanted the best for him. He didn't want things to be awkward though, so he was attempting to keep things bright. "So, Bri - how's Johnny doing?" He smiled across the table, raising an eyebrow. He'd always gotten along with Johnny and he thought he was really good for both Bridie and Iris.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "No! Tell her to get her own seat! I was here first!" Noah snapped. He was in a bad mood. Partly because Nancy was being annoying and his mum was taking her side, partly because he hadn't been able to get out of the family dinner but mostly because his mum was being so annoying and wouldn't give him his birth certificate. He had lost his job. He needed his certificate to be able to try and get another one. He didn't understand why she was being so stubborn about it. "I'm not fucking moving!" Noah snapped, shaking his head. "Go and sit next to Iris, maybe she'll stop looking so miserable."

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Grace took a big gulp off her wine as she had to sit and listen to Noah and Nancy bickering. She loved them. She loved being a grandma but they were annoying her today. "Noah, will you please move." Grace tried, for the third time. She was getting really sick of his attitude and if she was honest, being so close to Noah hurt. He reminded her so much of Elias. "I wasn't going to say anything, Freddie." Grace muttered, shaking her head as she looked away from him. They were much closer now than they used to be but she didn't think that he could get away talking to her like that.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Although Jude enjoyed spending time with his family, it was nights like this which wound him up a little bit. "Noah!" Jude snapped, getting really frustrated that he wasn't listening to anyone. "Don't talk to your mother like that. Get up. Sit over there!" Once he had moved - huffing and puffing as he went - he stood up then and moved to the kitchen to grab himself a drink. He smiled at Ava a little, "Are you okay?" He asked her. He knew that she was a little stressed out today and he wanted to be able to help her.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "You're cold?" Alba asked, raising an eyebrow as she looked to her dad. "Can I put the heating up a little, Ava?" She still did whatever she could to make sure that her dad was okay. She was pretty sure that he was going downhill slowly and she wasn't completely sure how to fix it. Alba had made sure to sit next to her son at the dinner table, wanting to make sure that he knew she was there if he needed someone. She didn't like how Iris was treating him. He had made a mistake, she didn't think it was fair to make him suffer. "Do you want another drink, Arlo?" She asked her son, smiling slightly.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Iris rolled her eyes as she heard Noah, "Shut up." She growled at him. This was why she didn't want to be here. She knew that she wouldn't enjoy herself and she would just bring the mood down. If she hadn't promised Arlo that she would be there, she wouldn't have gone at all. She just wanted to stay at home, order takeaway and eat her body weight in ice cream. "Could I have more wine, please, Ava?" She asked, calling over to the older woman. She knew that she couldn't get drunk - not at something like this - but she wanted to, at least, dull her feelings a little.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Bridie scowled at Noah as he spoke about Iris. Her thinking was similar to Aarons. Arlo had done something bad but he was owning up to that. He was clearly beating himself up about it. But Bridie also thought that her daughter was overreacting a little. It wasn't like they were properly together. It was why she was trying to help Arlo as much as she could. She smiled, as she looked too Aaron and nodded, "Yeah, he's doing good. He's with Caleb tonight, I think." She chuckled. Sometimes, Bridie felt a little bad about her relationship with Johnny. She loved him but she didn't ever think that she would be in love with him. She knew that, that would only ever be Elias.

FH AH AG NH AG: "I sit here every week!" Nancy snapped back; she didn't see why it was such a big deal, why he couldn't just move when he knew that was where she liked to sit. "Shut up, Noah. You're one to talk about looking miserable." She rolled her eyes. Her brother had been nothing but miserable recently and she was getting sick of it, especially when he'd made his own bed. She smiled as her grandma and dad told him to move and he eventually did, sliding into the seat with a satisfied smile. "Thanks, dad!" She beamed, sliding Noah's drink over to him and pouring herself one. "Do you want me to put the heating up, granddad?" She asked, looking over to Freddie as he said he was cold.

FH AH AG NH AG: "I'm fine. Stop fussing. It's why I put my hat on." Freddie said bluntly, scowling around the table at the people who were starting to fuss over him. He didn't need the heating on, he had just been making a point that he wasn't taking off his hat. "Why isn't he talking everybody's ear off like usual?" He narrowed his eyes, nodding over at Arlo. "And you -" He pointed at Noah. "What happened to your job?" As he got older, Freddie had even less tact - he didn't really care what he said anymore, he was as blunt as could be and right now, he wanted answers. He forgot a lot of stuff nowadays, so he didn't really know if he'd already been told or not, but he wanted to know again.

FH AH AG NH AG: Ava rolled her eyes from in the kitchen. "And you know that's Nancy's seat, so just move!" She called back, shaking her head. She was used to her kids bickering by now, but it didn't mean it wasn't annoying. She smiled as she heard her husband coming into the kitchen, turning around with a nod. "Yeah, fine. Everything's nearly sorted." She smiled. "Is he still talking about his birth certificate?" She raised an eyebrow, lowering her voice to a whisper. He had already asked a couple of times tonight and she was finding it harder than usual to lie. As he was getting older, she knew she couldn't just continue to do everything for him - but she couldn't think of a way around it all just yet.

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo sighed as Noah spoke about Iris; he didn't see why he had to make a comment, not when they were all sat around like this. "Yeah, please. Can I have a coke?" He asked his mum, raising an eyebrow. He wished they'd just stayed at home tonight instead, but he knew that wasn't going to happen - not when the whole rest of the family was there. He raised an eyebrow, looking up at his granddad. "I'm fine, granddad. Just tired." He muttered, shrugging his shoulders. He was usually the one being told to shut up and eat at this kind of thing, but he couldn't even think of anything to say tonight.

FH AH AG NH AG: Aaron patted his sons shoulder gently, looking over to Freddie with a smile. "He's been busy with football training, Fred. Tires him out." He nodded his head, as though that explained it. "That would make sense." He chuckled, nodding his head. He thought it was lovely that Caleb and Johnny were still such good friends after all this time. He looked around, realising that Ava hadn't heard Iris's request. "Here you go, Iris." He smiled, picking up the bottle of wine and reaching over to pour some into her glass.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Noah rolled his eye as Nancy spoke to him again. He was annoyed with her. He was annoyed at pretty much all of them right now, if he was honest. He sat down next to Bridie with a sigh. Once his granddad started speaking to him, he rolled his eyes. "Because I did, granddad. It happens." He shrugged. He didn't care what everyone else said. He wasn't going to admit what had happened. He had failed the drug test. Noah wasn't really surprised. He hadn't really been sober very much recently. When he was, he was normally in this mood. He rolled his eyes, "Tell mum I've gone to look for my birth certificate." He muttered to Ava before he headed upstairs. He knew where she put all the documents and stuff.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "You could take the hat off if you let them put the heating on." Grace muttered, shaking her head a little bit. She thought that she knew why he was being like this, he hadn't been drinking. But she knew that it was none of her business. It hadn't really been any of her business for a long time. She turned to Nancy as Noah spoke to his granddad, "What happened?" She asked her, trying to keep her voice down - though everyone at the table could probably hear her. If he was anything like the others in the family, she knew what had happened but she wanted to know if what she was thinking was true or not.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Alba sighed as she saw the look on her dads face. She didn't like it when he was in this mood. There was only one person, in the world, that Alba would stand up for over her father and that was her son. So when he spoke to him like he did, she shook her head a little bit. "Lay off him, okay dad?" She raised an eyebrow. She didn't think it was fair to kick him when he was down. "Yeah, of course." Alba smiled as Arlo asked for a coke and she got up. She moved quickly to the kitchen, not really paying attention to what Ava and Jude were saying, and handed the can back to her son.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "Okay, well, then i'll stay in here till you're done." He shrugged. Jude didn't want to deal with the rest of his family until his wife was by his side. "Of course he is." Jude muttered, nodding his head. They hadn't thought about that when they had said that they would adopt him. He didn't know how they were going to be able to explain this away, how they were going to get Noah what he needed. "Maybe we just have to tell him the truth, Ava." He sighed. He didn't know what else they were going to do.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Iris chuckled a little as Freddie spoke to Arlo - mostly because of how harsh he was. She had always enjoyed that about him. She sighed as everyone instantly came to Arlos defence. "We've had a fall out, Freddie. Arlo is sulking." She shrugged her shoulders. She figured that there wasn't any point in lying about it. She didn't care if anyone got annoyed at her. She was hurting and she wasn't going to pretend like she wasn't just to make everyone else feel better. "Oh. Thank you." Iris muttered as Aaron poured her a little bit of wine.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Bridie laughed, nodding her head, "Yeah, I'd say so too." After Elias, Bridie hadn't known if she had wanted to be around all of the Hayes as much. She had spiralled -massively - and she was just beginning to get back on her feet. She had a glass of wine with her dinner but she didn't think that, that was anything to worry about - she knew that it probably wasn't great, though. "Iris." Bridie muttered, shaking her head. She thought that the Hayes were well in their rights to not invite her tonight. She didn't want to cause issues before dinner had even started.

FH AH AG NH AG: Nancy raised an eyebrow as Noah spoke. "But mum said she --" But before she could get out the rest of her sentence, her brother had gotten up and gone. She didn't think it was a big deal, she didn't see why her mum had been so insistent on sorting it herself anyway. She thought it was just Ava trying to stay in control. She sighed as she looked to her grandma, wondering whether she should say or not. She was worried about her brother, she knew his job had meant a lot to him. "I - he said they had to do some kind of drug test..." She admitted with a sigh, keeping her voice to the quietest of whispers.

FH AH AG NH AG: "I don't want to take it off. I'm fine." Freddie grumbled, reaching for the bottle of wine and pouring some into his glass. He didn't care what anybody said, everybody else there had a glass and he was in a bad mood, now. "Not without a reason it doesn't." He muttered over to Noah, but he didn't push any harder than that. He might be a little out of his sometimes, but he knew Noah was similar to Elias - if he didn't want to tell you something, then he wouldn't. He looked over to Iris for a second, but ignored what she'd said and looked over to his daughter, narrowing his eyes. "Why can't he get his own coke?" He asked, taking a big gulp of his wine.

FH AH AG NH AG: "Okay. You wanna start putting the vegetables into bowls, then?" Ava asked with a smile, leaning down to take the lasagne out of the oven. It needed time to cool before she plated it all up, but it wasn't all that late - she thought people could wait a little bit longer. "God, I don't know why he's being so stubborn about it..." She sighed, shaking her head. She wished Noah would just let her handle it, would let her get his paperwork across to anybody who needed it. She stood up straight as Jude spoke, looking him in the eye. "He will never forgive us, Jude. Do you understand that? If we tell him the truth, we'll never see him again." She truly believed that - and that was why all of this was scaring her so much.

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo knew his mum was always going to stand up for him and he loved that so much, but he also knew his granddad wasn't likely to back down when he was in this kind of a mood. "Thanks, mum." He said quietly, taking the can and opening it quickly, pouring it into his glass. He ignored what his granddad was saying - Freddie was always saying he was spoiled and he hated it. He knew he was, but he didn't think he was the only one - Nancy was pretty spoiled, too. He rolled his eyes as Iris spoke. He'd wanted her to be there, but he didn't think she was being fair right now.

FH AH AG NH AG: Aaron sighed as Iris spoke, raising an eyebrow as he looked over to the girl. "Can we maybe not do that?" He asked firmly. He understood the girl was hurting and he thought she had more than enough reason to be; he felt awful for her, but he also didn't think it was fair of her to come here and start talking about Arlo like that. Not when he was already obviously feeling terrible. "Al, could you pass me the water jug, please?" He smiled over at his wife. He was driving tonight, so he wasn't having anything to drink. It didn't really bother him, though.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Noah heard what his sister said as he was leaving the room but he didn't really care. He had been asking his mum for his birth certificate for a couple days now and he couldn't understand why it was such a difficult request for her. He couldn't have his mother emailing his potential jobs his birth certificates every single time. He didn't see why he couldn't just get it and keep it in his new place. He reached for the little box that his mum kept all the documents in, shifting through them, looking for what he needed. When he found it, though, he was really confused.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Grace rolled her eyes as she listened too Freddie. She wasn't going to fight with him on it though. She didn't see the point, she knew that he wouldn't listen to her. Though she did sigh loudly as she saw him reach for the wine. She didn't understand why he had to do that. Why he couldn't just give it a rest. Graces eyes went wide as she listened to her granddaughter, though. "That stupid boy." She hissed. Grace had never been particularly fond over drugs but she had become even worse about it since Elias. "I'll be back in a second." She gave Nancy a tight smile before she marched - as much as she could - into the kitchen. "You allow him to do drugs?" She hissed, looking from her son to her daughter-in-law.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "Alright. Yeah." Noah nodded his head before he started to sort out the vegetables. He figured that it was better to keep himself busy than dwell on what would happen if Noah ever found out. "What choice do we have, Ava? You know that he won't stop. He'll keep pushing. We're going to have to tell him." He didn't know, though. He had no idea if Ava was right. If Noah wouldn't talk to them again. As he heard his mothers voice, he turned to face her. Noah hadn't told him why he had gotten fired but he looked to Ava, wondering if she knew that, that was why.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "No problem," Alba nodded her head, shooting him a small smile. She hated how cut up he felt about everything that had happened and she would do whatever she could to make him feel better. Even if it was just grabbing him a coke. "Because I don't mind getting it, Dad. It's no big deal. Like Aaron said. He's been busy with training." She shrugged her shoulders. She wouldn't fight him but she didn't like how he constantly had double standards when it came to Arlo and Nancy. They were both spoilt. At least Alba held her hands up to it. "Of course." Alba smiled at her husband and passed him the water jug.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Iris rolled her eyes as she listened to Aaron, "Freddie asked a question, I was just answering it." She didn't think that she was out of line. She didn't like that people refused to hold Arlo accountable. Iris knew that literally everything she did, she was scrutinised by her mum - by everyone. She didn't understand why Arlo got to get away with everything. Especially something like this. He was hurting but so was she.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "Iris. Stop it." Bridie muttered, shaking her head. She thought that they were lucky to get an invite to this with the way that Arlo and Iris were. She loved the Hayes. She had been around them for most of her life but she understood that blood came first. They would always stick up for one another. She shook her head as she looked at Aaron, "i'm sorry. She's been in a right mood recently."

FH AH AG NH AG: Nancy didn't fully understand what was going on with her brother; he was successful, he liked his job, he was doing well for himself... So why would he risk it, how could he let himself fail the drug test? She felt really worried about him. She sighed as Grace got up from the table, but she knew she couldn't do anything about it now. She took a sip of her drink, hoping her mum and dad came back in soon - tonight seemed like a bit of a bust, there was so much tension between all of them.

FH AH AG NH AG: Ava shook her head as Jude spoke. She didn't think she could have this conversation, not right now - the thought of her son not speaking to her again was too much, the idea of what he'd think if he found out they weren't his biological parents. She couldn't even think about it. She looked up as Grace came into the kitchen, sighing. "We don't allow him to do anything, Grace - he's nineteen, he lives alone. He makes his own decisions." She thought she, more than anybody, should understand that.

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo looked up as his grandma got up and went into the kitchen, looking over at Nancy almost as if to question what she'd told her - he didn't think tonight was going to improve, if he was honest. Nobody seemed to be feeling like they wanted to be there, least of all him. "I'm starving." He muttered, looking around to the kitchen. "How long do you think it's going to be?" He asked his mum, raising an eyebrow. They usually ate around now and since he'd been at training, his stomach was grumbling loudly.

FH AH AG NH AG: Freddie shrugged his shoulders. "You spoil him." He muttered, shaking his head. He loved his grandson, he loved all of his grandchildren - but he thought all three of them got away with a lot more than he'd let his own kids get away with. He picked up his glass of wine and downed what was left in the cup, pouring some more in and taking another big gulp. He already felt better, it was helping his mood. "Where did Noah go?" He asked, looking to Nancy and then to Alba.

FH AH AG NH AG: Aaron shook his head at Iris's eye roll. In his opinion, if this was the way she was feeling then he didn't think she'd needed to come - Arlo felt bad enough, he didn't want him feeling like he was being attacked at his own family dinner. "It's okay, really." He smiled at Bridie slightly. He didn't want her to feel bad about it, he just wished they could all try and get through this dinner without sniping at each other. He didn't think there was any need.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Jude sighed as Ava decided to ignore him. He didn't know what they could do but at least he was trying to give a solution to the problem. Ava was just trying to ignore it. He shook his head a little as he looked at his mum, though. "Please don't start. You know what he's like. He's not going to listen to us." It scared him. How much Noah was to his brother - it terrified him. But he didn't know what they could do about it. If Noah wanted to do drugs he was going to do them, no matter what they said. He was sure that his mum knew that.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Grace shook her head a little as she looked between the two of them. She was really trying to keep her emotions in check. She had already lost her son and she didn't want to lose her grandson as well. She was sure that they would know that. "He's too much like Elias for his own good." Grace whispered, shaking her head. When her children were Noahs age, she let them do what they wanted with that kind of thing. She thought that it was just a teenager thing. She thought that if she had done something about it now, worked harder to nip it in the bud, then Elias might still be alive.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "It won't be long." Alba smiled slightly as she looked at Arlo. She hoped that it would. She wanted to get tonight over and done with. If they did, then maybe the next dinner things would be a little back to normal. "Do you have to drink, dad? You know that it puts you in a horrible mood." She snapped. She didn't like dealing with him when he was like this. "And so what if he is spoilt? He's going through some things right now. I think he deserves to be spoilt tonight." Although she knew that he was spoilt every day of his life. He was their miracle baby. Nothing that happened would change that. "I don't know where he went.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Iris was wishing more and more that she hadn't come. She wished that she had just ignored Arlo and stayed at home because this was worse than she had ever imagined. "You okay?" She whispered to her friend. She had no idea what was going on right now - with Noah - but she wanted to make sure that she was okay. She was the only one there that she really wanted to talk too right now.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Bridie shook her head slightly as Aaron said it was okay, "We should have stayed at home. I didn't realise she was going to be like this." She whispered to Aaron. He was one of her oldest friends at this point so she knew that he would tell her straight if he wasn't happy about something. "I just -" She shook her head. "She said that she wouldn't come and now she's there. I don't know." She wasn't really sure what more she could say about it, if she was honest. She hated the situation that Arlo and Iris had put them all in.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: 'Certificate of adoption.' The document read and Noah was so confused. If he was reading this thing correctly it meant that his mother wasn't his mother and his father? His father was Elias. Ever since he was young, Noah had felt more of a kinship with his uncle. He had always felt like the other man got him, better than anyone else. And now he was finding out that his uncle was actually his father. He didn't understand. Instead of thinking about it, Noah got up and charged downstairs. If this was true, he didn't understand why his 'parents' hadn't told him about it. He didn't understand why they would keep something like this from him. "What the hell is this?!" Noah shouted, storming past the rest of his family, to his parents in the kitchen.

FH AH AG NH AG: Of course, it terrified Ava that Noah seemed to be heading down a similar path to Elias - every day she felt like she saw a new similarity between them and that was so scary. But she didn't know what they were supposed to do about it - he was an adult, he didn't live with them anymore. They couldn't stop him from doing something he wanted to do. She opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, Noah had stormed into the kitchen. Her blood ran cold as she realised what he was holding in his hands and she genuinely felt like she was going to throw up. "Noah..." She whispered, her eyes glistening with tears. This was her worst nightmare, her very biggest fear, manifesting itself before her eyes.

FH AH AG NH AG: Freddie rolled his eyes. "You don't know what you're talking about." He snapped back, shaking his head as he picked up his glass to drink some more. He thought that Arlo was too spoiled for his own good, that they were ruining him by running about after him like he was some kind of baby. His gaze snapped up as Noah stormed through the dining room and into the kitchen, raising an eyebrow as the boy started to shout. "What the hell is going on?" He asked, looking around them. By the sound of Noah's voice, it was quite clearly something serious.

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo sighed as his mum started to snap at his granddad - he knew he was the only person she would do that for and it made him feel guilty, because he knew his granddad was probably right. He was spoiled. He didn't want that to change, though. "Woah, what the - what?" He asked as Noah stormed past them all. "What was that?" He asked, looking between his parents. He didn't think he'd seen Noah speak to his parents like that in a while and he had no idea what could've set him off.

FH AH AG NH AG: "Yeah, I'm okay. Are you?" Nancy asked Iris with a little smile, taking another sip of her drink. She knew tonight was going to be difficult for her best friend, but she was glad she'd come anyway - to her, Iris was a part of the family and she deserved to be here. She jumped slightly as Noah came storming in, instantly getting to her feet and following him into the kitchen. "What happened?" She asked him, instantly concerned - she knew he wouldn't be like this unless something was wrong.

FH AH AG NH AG: "No, I get it - it's a difficult situation, Bri. I just - you know, I don't want him to feel like he needs to feel this bad about it every second of the day." Aaron admitted with a sigh. He didn't know if that was the right thing to say, but it was the truth - Arlo had to be forgiven at some point, he couldn't be totally miserable every day. He raised an eyebrow as the commotion started, turning to Bridie. "Oh dear..." He sighed. He didn't know what was happening, but he knew it didn't sound good.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Judes eyes went wide as he saw his son, as he realised what it was that he was holding in his hands. He had worried that Noah would find out like this - that was what he was trying to say to his wife just before he came down. He looked from his son, to Ava and then to his mum. He didn't know what to do. "Noah, just calm down." He muttered. "Everythings fine." He called to the rest of his family. He really hoped that he would calm down, that he would understand that they would tell him once all of this was over.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Grace gasped as she saw what was in Noahs hands. She shook her head and turned away from it all. She didn't think that she had it in her to be able to deal with that today. Grace had been in full support when Ava and Jude had told her the plan. She thought that it was the only way that they could get any of this done. But now? Now she wasn't so sure. She didn't know what to do. So she turned around and sat back down in her seat. She shook her head a little as she listened to everyone, asking what it was that was going on.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "Of course I don't dad. I forgot that you know my son better than I do." Alba rolled her eyes, unable to help herself. She understood that he was going through some things, that he was struggling with his addiction but she wished that he didn't take it out on the rest of them. She didn't think that it was very fair at all. She was about to say something else - when she heard the shouting from Noah. And since Ava and Jude didn't really response, she knew that something was really, really bad. "Mum, what's happening?" She asked. Even now, her relationship with her mother wasn't great but she thought that, by the look on her face, she knew what was happening.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Iris nodded as Nancy spoke to her but her attention was quickly taken by Noah shouting. She wasn't sure what had happened but it didn't sound good. "What the fuck..." She muttered, shaking her head a little. She had no idea what was happening but she knew that it wasn't good. She looked at Nancy, raising an eyebrow. She wondered if she had more of a clue but from the look on her face, she was as unsure as Iris was.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Bridie nodded as she listened to Aaron. She understood what he was saying and she thought that she might have been similar if the roles were reversed. If it was Iris who had cheated and not Arlo. She knew that she was in agreement with Aaron, though, Arlo didn't deserve to be treated like he had done this horrible thing. He clearly felt bad about it. Her attention was taken, though, as she looked over to Noah, "Ava, what's going on?" She called. She knew that she couldn't get involved in her friends business, not when it was with her son but she would always be there for her.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: As neither of his parents said anything, Noah knew that what he was holding was true. They could've said anything. It was a joke. It was a halloween costume from when he was little. Anything. And he thought that he might have been desperate enough to believe them. He wanted to believe them. He couldn't understand how this would be the truth. "Everything it not fine!" Noah shouted, shaking his head a little as he turned back around to face the others. He glanced to Nancy but shook his head a little. "They're not my parents." Noah growled. He handed his granddad the certificate he held.

FH AH AG NH AG: Since the day they'd found out about Noah, Ava had regarded him as their son - and for years, for so long, she had never even thought about the fact that he wasn't biologically theirs. From the minute she'd held him, she'd never loved anybody so much - he was her son, that was the end of it. But deep down, she'd always feared that if he were to find out Elias were his father - the man he had been so close to, who had been his best friend... She was scared that he would never want to see them again. And that was all she could think right now. "Yes, we are! Noah, of course we're your parents!" She cried, tears already streaming down her face. "Noah, whatever that - that piece of paper says. We are your parents. Me and your dad. We were the ones that held you as soon as you were born. We're the ones that raised you, we - please. Please let us explain." She cried.

FH AH AG NH AG: "What the hell are you talking about?" Nancy asked Noah as he spoke, a confused laugh falling from her mouth - she thought what he was saying was just ridiculous. Of course Ava and Jude were his parents - they had photos of him from when he was a newborn baby, Nancy had only been born one year later and Noah was in every single one of her childhood memories. She didn't see how it could be possible. But as she looked at her mother, as she heard what she was saying... She had to wonder if it was true. "Mum?" She asked, a nervous smile on her face. She was waiting for somebody to say this was all a big joke. "Dad?" She asked, looking over to Jude. Her hands were shaking now and she wasn't smiling anymore. She didn't understand what was going on.

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo genuinely had no clue what was going on - he could see the looks on his grandmas face, on his aunts and uncles and he still had no clue... But he knew it wasn't good. "Mum, what's happening?" He whispered, looking to her to explain everything to him. He didn't understand what the alternative was, if Ava and Jude weren't Noah's parents. He tried to peer over the table to see what it was his granddad was holding, what Noah had handed him. "Granddad?" He asked.

FH AH AG NH AG: "Will somebody tell me what the fuck is happening?!" Freddie demanded, slamming his hand down on the table as all the shouting started. He was never good in situations like this, but he had even less patience now he was older. "Now!" He demanded, picking up his wine and tipping it into his mouth. He took the piece of paper from Noah with a shaking hand, his eyes scanning over it. Signed by Elias Hayes. That was all he needed to see. He felt confusion bubbling up in his stomach, anger and sadness. This had all happened and he'd had no idea. Before he knew what he was doing, he'd squeezed the wine glass in his hand so hard that it had smashed and shattered onto the floor. It barely phased him, though. He looked up, into his sons eyes. "Is this fucking true?"

FH AH AG NH AG: "I think we all need to calm down a little bit." Aaron said gently as Freddie slammed his hand onto the table, sighing softly. He had seen arguments between the Hayes family before and they were never pretty, he didn't think one should happen when all of their children were sitting around the table. He didn't think he'd be able to do much good, though. He had no idea what was happening, even as Noah spoke - he didn't think what he could be saying was true. He jumped as the glass in Freddie's hand shattered. "Freddie, are you - are you bleeding?" He asked, but it didn't look like the older man was paying him attention. Slowly, Aaron turned his gaze to Jude - surely this wasn't true?

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Like Ava, Jude had never thought of Noah as his brothers son. He was his. He was Ava. They were his parents. It was the only thing that he could think. He and Ava had raised him. They had been there for his entire life. He didn't see why he needed to know this. He didn't understand why it all had to crash around them now. "Noah, stop shouting!" Jude snapped. But then he heard his daughters voice, his fathers voice and he turned to look at him. "It's true." He nodded. "We didn't have any other options, dad. But Noahs our son. It dioesn't matter what a piece of paper says! He's our son."

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Grace was silent as the rest of the family started shouting. She felt sick. She couldn't believe that all of this was happening, that this was coming out now. She didn't see what good this was going to do. Elias was dead. It didn't matter if Noah was biologically Elias', Jude and Ava were his parents. She took a gulp of her drink and jumped a little as she heard the glass smash. She knew that none of them would be very happy. She wished that they had all done this before, when Elias was here but it was done now. She didn't understand what good this would do now.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "I don't know..." Alba muttered, shaking her head. She had no idea what was causing any of this but none of it sounded real. Noah wasn't Judes? "B - If he isn't yours, who - I don't understand." Alba sighed. She had no idea what was happening. She had no idea how this was happening. She looked to Aaron, hoping that he would have more answers for Arlo than she did because she didn't know. She had no idea. "Dad" Alba hissed as she heard the glass and saw the blood. "Fuck, dad, you're bleeding." She shook her head a little bit. She instantly just wanted to help him.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: As everything started, as everyone started to scream at one another, Bridie snatched the piece of paper that Noah had handed to his Granddad. She couldn't understand it at first. "Adoption?" She muttered, shaking her head. It was like her brain refused to take in what was right in front of her, that this was really true. Because if this was true then she was sure that Ava would have told her. Her eyes were drawn to the signature. To Elias's handwriting and she felt like she had been punched in the gut. "He's Elias's?" She asked, looking over to Ava, her eyes glistening with tears.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Iris felt like everything had gone from nought to one hundred so quickly and she had no idea what it was that was happening. She reached for Nancys hand, though, wanting to give her a little bit of comfort. She hated that this was happening right now, that this was how things were coming out but she knew that her job here was just to be there for her best friend. But as she heard her mums voice, her stomach dropped. If that was true, if Noah was Elias' son, then this was all so much worse than she thought that it would have been.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Noah glared at his mum and dad as as they tried to explain it away, tried to tell him that they were his parents, that it didn't change anything. He shook his head. "DON'T!" He shouted at her. He was most hurt by her. She had never told him. She had never even hinted. All of the times he had spent with his uncle, all of the fights with Jude. It all seemed to make sense now. "No wonder you've already treated her better than you have me." He scoffed. "She's your actual fucking daughter. It all makes sense now!"

FH AH AG NH AG: Ava couldn't even focus on anybody else - she could see her daughter looking at her, she could hear Bridie asking for answers... But all she could do was look at her son. "Please, Noah. You don't understand." She whispered, shaking her head. "He came to us, he begged us to help him. He never wanted a child, he never wanted to be a father. He wanted us to take you and he asked for us not to tell you. To tell anybody." She cried, tears streaming down her face. She didn't even try to stop them, she didn't care how she looked right now. She had never felt this desperate in her life. "Please Noah, you're my son. You've always been my son." She felt like she was going to break into pieces, her whole world was crumbling and she didn't know how to keep it all together.

FH AH AG NH AG: "Get the fuck off that! How dare you!" Freddie shouted as Bridie snatched the certificate away from him, snatching it back as she spoke. Losing his son was the worst pain he'd ever felt in his life, he still felt it every day now... The only thing that even slightly compared was the pain of knowing he'd failed him. He hadn't been there enough for him. And seeing his signature, seeing it there on paper - he had never given him enough support to believe he could be a good father himself. And that broke his heart. "Did you know about this?" He looked to Grace, with a face of stone. He didn't care that his hand was bleeding, he couldn't even feel it. But if he found out that Grace had known and had kept it from him... He didn't know if he'd be able to forgive her. "You kept this from me? You ALL kept this from me?!" He shouted, getting to his feet, the certificate clutched in his hand.

FH AH AG NH AG: Nancy's mouth fell open as Jude confirmed it was the truth. She didn't understand, she couldn't understand how it had happened... How Noah looked so much like their dad, like their uncle... Until Bridie spoke, until Ava spoke - and then she realised what was going on. "Oh my god..." She whispered, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. It felt as though she couldn't even breathe. Their parents had been lying to them all this time. For their entire lives. She looked to Noah, not even knowing what she could say. As Iris took her hand, she clung onto it for dear life - it felt like an anchor, a way to know all of this was real. Because it felt like she was in a parallel universe right now. "But he - Elias was Noah's best friend, I don't - I don't understand why he wouldn't ever say anything?"

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo's eyes were as wide as saucers as he took in everything that was going on. Noah was Elias's son. Jude and Ava had adopted him when he was born and never told anybody. Even his mum. She was his first thought and he reached under the table to take her hand in both of his, squeezing gently. He knew how much his mum had loved Elias, how she would've done anything for him - and yet nobody had told her this. He couldn't believe it. He didn't know what to say, he didn't know how to get his head around it.

FH AH AG NH AG: "Oh jesus..." Aaron whispered under his breath as everything began to click into place. He remembered well how Jude and Ava had announced they were already five months pregnant, how they had asked for no visitors. How they had suddenly moved back to London with their newborn baby boy and started a life together. He remembered how Elias had lived at their house, how they had done anything for him. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and looked to his wife, squeezing her shoulder gently and getting up from his seat, going into the kitchen and looking into the cupboard for a First Aid kit. He thought he needed to be the calm one here. "Freddie, please just let me put something on your hand."

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Noah shook his head. He could barely hear what his mother was saying to him. He could barely even concentrate on her voice. He didn't think that the explanation even mattered. He didn't care. They hadn't told him what had happened. "Then why didn't you tell me after me died?" He growled. He thought that he might have been able to understand before. He thought that he might have been able to get that. But he didn't think that they had any excuse in it all anymore. He didn't know what to think. "I am not your son." Noah growled shaking his head. "I'm not! I'm his! And you lied to me for nineteen years! You took away the chance for me to know my father!" He shouted. He had known Elias as an Uncle. He thought that it was totally different if he had known him as his dad. "You should've told me."

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Grace flinched a little as Freddie started to shout at her. It was a habit that she had never managed to shake. She understood though. She knew that she should have told him but at that point, she barely saw her son. Elias was there but he wasn't. And she didn't want to do anything that was going to take that away from her. She loved Elias too much to risk her relationship with him. She sighed as she looked up at Freddie. "Elias made us keep it a secret. He didn't want us to tell you, Freddie. He didn't want anyone else to know." She had known when she had agreed to it that if Freddie found out, he would be so angry at her. "We had too!"

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Alba shook her head a little as she felt Arlos hand in hers. "Don't touch me." She snatched her hand away. As she listened to more of what they were saying - that Elias didn't want them to know, that he didn't trust them - she burst into tears. Her brother had been everything to her. She would have died for him and he had kept this from her. She couldn't understand why. She thought that it might be different if he was here. If Elias could explain everything but he wasn't and to Alba it just felt like he was keeping her at arms length, that he didn't trust her. Alba missed her brother every single day but she couldn't understand why he had done this.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: As everyone spoke over one another, as they continued to shout, Iris squeezed Nancys hand gently. She could only imagine what it was that her friend was thinking, what was going through her mind. She didn't know how to help. She looked over to her mum and her heart broke at the look on her face, seeing her chugging the wine. "Arlo..." Iris whispered. She wanted to be there for Nancy but someone needed to be there for her mum too and she thought that if it wasn't her, it should be him. She looked back to her best friend, then, "It doesn't matter, Nance. He's still your brother. He was still raised as your brother. He's still your brother." She repeated, nodding her head.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Jude sighed as he saw the look on his daughters face, as he saw how angry his dad was. "What did you want us to do?" He shouted at him. "The only way this was going to work is if we kept it quiet! We had no other options! But Noah is our son. No paper changes that." He would insist on that. He looked over to Nancy, then, "Your Uncle never wanted kids, Nancy. He didn't. He found out that he had gotten someone pregnant and he needed us to handle it. So we handled it. It was all we could do. We had to do it for him."

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Bridie shook her head at all the noise. It was overwhelming her. People were talking about Elias but he wasn't there. He couldn't tell them what had happened. For all she knew, they were lying. They hadn't done this for him, they had taken it from him. Bridie grabbed the bottle of wine and poured herself a bit glass. She downed it in two gulps. She had no idea what to say, what to think. She knew Elias. She knew that he didn't want kids. He had made that clear after she had, had Iris. He said that they would never happen again because of Iris. And he had, had a son all that time? She couldn't get her head wrapped around it.

FH AH AG NH AG: Noah saying he wasn't her son sent a knife right through Ava's heart - this was everything she had never wanted. Everything she'd feared since the day she'd sighed the adoption papers. "What difference would it have made, Noah?! He died! He was dead and he never - he NEVER wanted you to know!" She was practically screaming by this point because her emotions had totally taken over, she was facing losing her only son and it was breaking her heart into a million pieces. "He made that clear so many times, Noah. He never wanted to BE a father!" She sobbed, shaking her head. "Elias loved you so much, but he never wanted this, he never wanted that life." She wished that he was here, she wished he could explain it all - because ironically, she thought he was the only person Noah would even consider listening to right now.

FH AH AG NH AG: Freddie had never been good with emotion, it was trait he had passed onto both of his sons, his grandson - and right now, his heart was broken. He missed his son, he missed him more than he could ever put into words - and he'd failed him. This was just a confirmation of that. "You... you hateful woman." He hissed at Grace, his face screwed up with anger as he thought about the lies she'd told him for the past nineteen years. "I could have helped him! I could have - this could have all been FUCKING different!" He shouted, his voice booming across the room, the pain in it clear. He had never cried, not even at the funeral - but he felt close to it right now. "You let him grow up not knowing who his father is and LOOK at him! Just LOOK!" He shouted, pointing a finger at Noah. "He's his fathers fucking double and he's going the Exact. Same. Fucking. Way."

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo moved his hand away at his mothers request, but it definitely hurt - she had never been like that with him before, he had always been able to comfort her. He felt almost shaken as she started to cry - he had no idea how to help her. "Dad..." He whispered, looking at him for guidance, for help. He looked up as he heard Iris though, realising what she was saying and nodding his head. He didn't know if Bridie would want his comfort or not, but he moved over to her anyway and slid his hand into hers, just wanting to give her something - someone, to hold onto. To take comfort in being there.

FH AH AG NH AG: Nancy nodded her head. "I know." She whispered, because she did - this changed nothing for her. Noah was still her brother; he was the one who had looked after her all these years, the one who she'd bickered with since she could talk, the one she looked up to. He was her brother and he always would be. She wasn't crying for herself - it was Noah she was crying for. Because he'd always felt like the odd one out in this family, the one who didn't belong. And all this time, there had been a reason - and their parents had hidden it from him. "That doesn't matter." She whispered to her dad, shaking her head. "You should have told him."

FH AH AG NH AG: Aaron knew instantly what Alba was feeling, what she was thinking and his heart broke for her - because he knew that there was nothing she wouldn't have done for Elias. If he asked, she would've taken Noah in herself - so why would he keep this from her? Why would she be one of the people he hid it from? He sighed and took a seat next to her, but he didn't touch her - he thought she would take physical comfort from him when she needed it and not before. He didn't say anything at all - he didn't have a place in this argument. He just wanted to be there for whatever anybody needed.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "It would've made a difference to me!" Noah roared because he didn't understand why she couldn't seem to understand that. "It doesn't matter what he wanted!" Noah shouted. "What about what I wanted? What I needed?!" Because he didn't think that anyone had thought about that. He didn't think that they had thought about how he would feel, how this news would devastate him. It was taking every ounce off his willpower to not burst into tears as he looked at his mum. "I needed him! All my fucking life I've known something was off. The way he would look at me whenever I spoke to Elias. The way you were with her and not with me. I knew I didn't fit in here. I knew it! And you just fucking let that happen. You could've made it all better! You should - You could've fucking TOLD ME!" He had never spoke to her before like this but he couldn't help himself. He couldn't keep his temper in check, his whole body was shaking.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Tears were streaming down her face as Freddie spoke to her. She had known he would hate her for keeping this from him and she had made that choice. Because it was either she lost him or she lost Elias. As it turned out, she lost both of them anyway. "What was I supposed to do, Freddie?" She whispered, shaking her head a little bit. She had no idea what she could have done differently. She didn't think she would have done it differently, even now. "Jude is his father. Jude! Your son, Freddie. He raised him. He is his father!" Because she didn't think that it was fair for him to keep dismissing everything that Jude had done for Noah. "No. He isn't. We are not going to lose another one."

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "No." Jude shook his head, "No, Nancy, we shouldn't have. That wasn't our decision to make. You knew your Uncle. You saw the state that he could get himself in. Would you really have wanted Noah to have been brought up around that?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. And then he heard his dad and he saw red. "HE IS MY SON!" Jude shouted as he turned to face his father. "Elias didn't want him! If it hadn't been me and Ava that took his in, then he would have been with some strangers. We took him in so that he could be with his family. WE are his parents! Elias was stupid. He made a mistake and me and Ava fixed that. We took him in. I won't apologise for that."

IS NG AH GH BS JH: It was the lying that Bridie couldn't get her head wrapped around. She didn't understand why she, Ava and Freddie had been kept in the dark with all of this. Especially after Elias had died. They had all been broken. Knowing that there was a small part of Elias around, that there was a part of him that was still there - she was sure that it would've helped. She squeezed Arlos hand gently as he took it. Because, if she would admit it or not, she needed the comfort from someone. She finished her glass of wine and instantly moved to pour herself another. She needed it.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Iris nodded a little as Nancy said that she knew. She was glad of that at least. She wasn't sure how she could help but she would be there for her, no matter what, She would do anything for Nancy. She sighed as Jude spoke to her, though. She thought that they were all being really harsh. She didn't think that it would help Noah hearing that he wasn't wanted.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Alba hadn't cried like this since they had lost Elias. It had taken her so long to stop crying after that, to pull herself together and now it felt like a double whammy. It was another reminder that her brother was gone. It felt, to her, like her relationship with her brother had been a bit of a sham. Shed loved him, she adored him. Alba would have defended him till the end of the earth and he had kept something so huge from her. She didn't know how to process that. "I don't understand." Alba whined, as she looked up at her husband. "I miss my brother." She whispered, her bottom lip trembling.

FH AH AG NH AG: The worst thing was, Ava knew that her son was at least partially right - he had spent his whole life searching for a reason as to why he didn't feel as though he belonged in their family and she had spent his whole life trying to convince him that he did. She didn't even have anything to say, she couldn't defend herself anymore - because if she could go back and change things, she wouldn't. She knew that. She jumped as Noah shouted, but she couldn't blame him. She knew he had every right to be like this, to feel like this. "I'm sorry." She cried, her words coming out in huge, heaving sobs. "I'm so sorry." She shook her head. "I have loved you from the minute you were born, Noah. You have always been our son."

FH AH AG NH AG: "I will never forgive you for this." Freddie told Grace - and the tone of his voice made it plain as day that he meant every word of it. He spun around as he heard Jude shouting, seeing red immediately. "AND ELIAS WAS MINE!" He roared, losing all self control, his voice hurting his throat as it tore out of him. "You should have convinced him! Because maybe if he'd had something to fucking live for then he would be here now!" His voice broke on the last words and his body was wracked with a dry sob. He felt like he was going to fall apart, he didn't know how to keep himself together. He would've done anything to keep his son around, to have him here with them. He had never been a very loving person, he'd never shown much love - but god, he'd had so much of it for his children.

FH AH AG NH AG: "Stop it! Stop saying that he wasn't wanted, that Elias didn't want him! He loved him!" Nancy jumped to her feet as she shouted at her father. She would always defend her brother, especially now. Especially when both of his parents were stood here saying outright that his biological father didn't want him. "Granddad..." She whispered as she saw Freddie start to cry, wrapping her arms around her middle as though to keep herself together. It was so scary to see all of the adults like this - especially her mum and granddad, who she had never seen like this before.

FH AH AG NH AG: As terrible as it seemed, Aaron could almost understand why Ava and Jude hadn't said anything after Elias died - because as much as people wanted a piece of Elias to hold onto, Noah wasn't that. He was his own person, not their little piece of Elias. He was already compared enough, he didn't need to be all that people had left. But he was never going to say that, he knew that it probably wasn't a helpful opinion to have right now. "I know you do Al, I know..." He whispered. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and he was about to, when he saw her dad start to cry. He knew without a doubt that she would want to go to him, that she would need to be there for him. He had never seen Freddie like this before and even as a grown man, it shattered his heart.

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo felt relieved as Bridie squeezed his hand; just knowing he could be there for her made him feel like he was at least doing something to help. Because really, this didn't change a lot of stuff for him - Noah was still his cousin, he was still his best friend. But he knew it changed everything for his mum, for his granddad. For Noah himself. And that was the scary part, that was the part he was finding the hardest.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Even as he looked at his mothers face, as he saw her crying, he felt nothing but rage. He couldn't understand why they hadn't just told him. Even if Elias hadn't wanted him, he didn't understand why he wasn't allowed to know. He was never going to react well to something like this but he thought he might have reacted better if they had told him. "But I'm not." Noah growled at her. He knew that he was being harsh. Ava had been there for him his entire life. She had loved him for forever. Noah didn't know what to do as he looked around him, "I deserved to know. He was my best friend." He sat down again then, beside where his sister had been sat.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: As his dad roared at him, Jude found it difficult to keep his emotions in check, tears welling. He had tried his hardest not to cry in front of his children after Elias. The only person - after the initial shock of finding him - had seen Jude cry over his brother, was Ava. "It wouldn't have, dad." Jude whispered, his voice cracking. He didn't dare speak louder than that. "It wouldn't have. He was in his life. Elias had that relationship with him. He knew he was his son and it didn't - It didn't save him. Nothing would have." He shook his head and turned away from the rest of his family. He walked into the kitchen, needing a moment to be able to collect himself. He didn't want to break down in front of them. Not with his kids there.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "I know." Grace nodded as she heard Freddie. Because she did. She had known that when Elias had asked her to not tell his dad but she had done what she thought was right. Grace stifled a sob as she heard Freddie, as she saw him starting to cry. She wished that Gabe was there. She thought that he was the one that could make things better. She thought that, that was what he did best. "Freddie..." Grace whispered. She wanted to reach for him, to comfort him. But she knew that, that wasn't going to help anything. She knew that he didn't want her help. She looked around, helplessly. She had no idea what to do.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Iris sighed as Nancy started to shout at her dad but she knew that she couldn't blame her. She was almost glad that it was just her mum and her at home. She didn't have to deal with all of this. She texted Johnny, quickly, though. She quickly explained what had happened. She knew that her mum would need someone when they got home and she thought that he was better than she would be. She was really worried about her mum. She had thought that things were getting better with her - she hadn't had a blow out for over a month now - but Iris knew they would be back at square one, now. "Nance.." Iris whispered, looking back up at her friend.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: After Elias, Alba felt like she had lost herself. She was looking after everyone - her dad, her mum, Arlo. That was all she could bring herself to do and for a least a year after, she had lost herself completely. It just felt like she was getting herself back up on her feet and she was knocked back by this. Alba missed her brother every single day of her life but none more in that moment. Her eyes went wide as she heard her dad, as she saw him cry and she quickly got up. She scrambled over to him so that she could wrap her arms around him. She didn't know what to say to him but she wanted to be there. Her dad, Arlo and Aaron were her entire world. They were everything to her and she hated seeing him like this now.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Bridie looked up as she heard what Noah said to his mum. Although she wished that she knew, she would never let her best friend be on her own and her heart completely broke for her. She knew how much her kids meant to her. "Ava..." Bridie called over to her. She had no idea what she was going to do but she wanted her to know that she would be there for her.

FH AH AG NH AG: Ava's heart was completely broken, especially when he told her now that he wasn't her son. Her kids were her everything, they always had been - everything she had done from the minute they'd been born was for them. But she didn't think there was any way to make Noah see that, to get him to see past the lie they'd told to give him a better life. She didn't know what she was supposed to do anymore. She just stood and cried silently, tears rolling down her face - if Noah didn't want to be her son anymore, she didn't know how she would cope.

FH AH AG NH AG: Since Elias's death, Aaron had done his best to try and be there for the Hayes family - because he had seen it all. He had been around when Elias was good and when he was bad, he knew how much his death would rock the family and he'd tried to do everything he could for them. As Jude turned and walked into the kitchen, he looked to Alba - knowing she had her dad right now, he felt confident in not being there for a couple of seconds. He followed Jude into the kitchen quietly, putting a gentle hand on the other males shoulder. "For what it's worth, Jude. I think you did the right thing." He said softly.

FH AH AG NH AG: Freddie didn't know how he was ever going to forgive any of them for this. How he was going to look at them and not think about the fact that they had kept this from him, from Noah, for nineteen years. He hadn't cried for years, it wasn't something he did... But he couldn't hold it in now. He missed him so much. He regretted every single day of his life that he hadn't tried harder to keep him around. Freddie wrapped his arms around his daughter as she came to him, trying to stifle his sobs - even now, he didn't want to be crying. He didn't want them all to see him like this.

FH AH AG NH AG: Selfishly, part of Nancy wished this had just come out when it had been the four of them - their little family. Because she thought things might be easier that way, they might actually be able to process what had happened that way. But this... She didn't see how this was ever going to get better. She looked over to Noah as he said he wasn't their son, her bottom lip trembling slightly. Because if he didn't think he was their son, did he still think he was her brother? She watched for a second as he sat down, going to sit back down next to him. She just wanted to be there for him, whether he wanted her to be or not.

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo really had no idea what to do - every adult he'd ever looked up to, everybody he'd seen as the strongest people around him were currently breaking down and he felt totally helpless. "What do we do?" He whispered to Iris, shaking his head. Part of him thought the best thing to do might be to try and get their parents out of there, to try and get them home where they could cope and grieve properly. But he didn't know if they would even listen to them, if they would want to leave right now. He had no clue how they were supposed to act, but he hoped Iris knew better than he did.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Noah had no idea how he would have reacted if this was with if it had just been the four of them. He didn't think that it would've mattered. As Nancy sat down next to him, he sighed a little. A part of him wondered if she knew. If Nancy knew about what had happened, what his parents had done. But it took one look at her face for him to know that, that wasn't the case. Noah placed his hand on his sisters knee. "I'm gonna go out, Nance." He sighed. "I just - I need to clear my head." He got up then. He didn't say a word to anything as he left the house.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Jude didn't know how to get his head wrapped around anything that was going on. He didn't know how to deal with it all. It was all such a mess and he really wished that things could be better. He didn't know what to do. As he realised that someone was behind him, Jude quickly wiped at the tears on his face. He had come into the kitchen because he didn't want anyone to know that he was crying. He didn't want anyone to see that. Jude shook his head, "I don't need your pity, Aaron." He knew that it was probably unfair of him but he didn't think that anyone needed to offer an opinion right now. "I know we did."

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Alba was relieved as Freddie wrapped his arms around her. She didn't know if he would. Alba adored her father. She had since the day that she was born. Her dad, Elias, Arlo. The love that she had for those three didn't compare. And she felt like she was losing the first of those three loves, after already having lost the second. "It's okay." Alba whispered. She didn't want him to feel like he had to keep it in. She thought that it wasn't healthy for him to let it all out now. She tightened her arms around him, wanting to keep him close to her.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Grace wanted to go home. She didn't want to be around this anymore. She had done the right thing. She wouldn't switch from that. But she didn't think that it was fair that it had all come out like this. She wanted to go home but she didn't think that her being the first to leave was the right thing. "Noah.." Grace called after him, as he walked out the door. She didn't know if him going was going to do any good. Because all Grace could think about was Elias, was how much something like this would've broken him. All she could think about was her son. Grace missed him so much and she tried to bury it most days. It was impossible today.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: This all felt too much, too overwhelming. She wasn't sure what to do but she knew that she had to do something. Bridie let go of Arlos hand then and moved over to her best friend. She wrapped an arm around her. "Ava, sit down. I'll get you some water." She was upset too but she didn't think that it was fair to cause her friend more heartache. She wanted to be there for her now. "Come on." Ava had helped Bridie through her worst states and she was going to do the same for her best friend. She had no idea where she could start but she wanted to try.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Iris shrugged her shoulders a little as she looked over to Arlo. She didn't feel like she had a place in all of this. Everyone was losing their minds but she didn't think that she would be able to make this better. Not right now. "Do you wanna go for a walk?" She asked him. She thought that they might be able to come up with a bit of a plan if they weren't in the room with everyone else. She didn't think that she could concentrate otherwise. She just hoped that the two of them would be able to help. She wanted to get her mum home but she didn't think that she would go.

FH AH AG NH AG: Nancy looked up as she felt her brothers hand on her leg, nodding her head - she didn't want him to go, she wanted him to stay so they could all work this out, but she knew he wasn't going to listen to anything right now. She didn't know where he could go though, where he would end up and that scared her so much. She reached out and took her grandmas hand as she called after him. "He needs to go, grandma.." She sighed, shaking her head.

FH AH AG NH AG: Aaron had never wanted to make Jude feel like he was pitying him, but he could see now how it had come across. "Of course." He said quietly, nodding his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't intend to - I just wanted you to know." He sighed quietly, standing for another moment before he turned and walked back into the dining room. "Grace, would you like me to drive you home?" He asked softly. He didn't think the other would want to be there anymore and he wanted to be able to give her an out, if she wanted one.

FH AH AG NH AG: Freddie shook his head as Alba said it was okay - to him, it wasn't. He still didn't want to be crying, to be this weak in front of everybody... Regardless of what was happening. He didn't take his arms from around his daughter though, he felt as though she might need the comfort as much as he did right now and he wasn't going to deny her that.

FH AH AG NH AG: Ava let out a shaky sob as she felt Bridie's arm around her, almost falling into her a little bit - and as she watched her son get up and leave, she felt as though she was going to crumble to the ground. "I'm sorry..." She whispered to Bridie through the crying, shaking her head. Bridie was right though, she needed to sit down and she reached shakily for the chair closest to her, pulling it out and taking a seat.

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo raised an eyebrow. He hadn't expected Iris to want to go anywhere with him, even after all of this - but he was never going to turn that down, especially right now when he really did feel like they probably both needed to clear their heads. He didn't know if it was selfish or not, leaving their mothers - but he didn't think they were going to be able to help here at all. "I'm going for a walk, dad..." He muttered to his father, looking back to Iris once the older man had nodded. "Ready?"

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Noah didn't know where he was going. He was just walking. He needed to have a little bit of fresh air, away from his family. Away from all of it. He couldn't be around it for any longer. He didn't know where he was going until he was there. He climbed the steps up to Mias place, knocking on the door loudly. "Mia!" Noah called. He really hoped that she wasn't with her boyfriend. He didn't know what he would do if she was with her boyfriend. He felt like he needed to see her now. He was desperate to see her. He didn't want anyone else to see him like this - he never had.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "He shouldn't be on his own." Grace muttered as she looked over to Nancy. She was so scared. What Freddie had said, about Noah being his father, had really gotten to her. She didn't know how their family would cope if she lost Noah as well. She really wanted to do something. As Aaron spoke to her, she sighed but nodded her head. "Yes, please." She looked to her granddaughter, "Do you want to stay here tonight? Or you can come and stay with us?" She asked her. She didn't want to pressure her. Grace knew that she would have liked that but she wanted her to know that she could if she wanted as well.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Jude knew that Aaron was just trying to be there and really - deep down - he appreciated it. He just wasn't sure how to express that. He couldn't get his head wrapped around everything, how this had all happened. For a long time, Jude had worried about this coming out. Every time that Noah got a new job or needed ID, he worried that someone was going to tell him that they weren't his biological parents and the thought of it crushed him. It was nothing compared to how he felt now, though. It was like he couldn't breathe. Especially because he had no idea if his dad would forgive him after this. He had no idea how things were going to be.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Alba pulled away from her dad after a few more minutes like that and she looked up at him. Tears were still streaming down her face, "I love you." She whispered to him. "I love you and Elias loved you and you -" She shook her head, "You are everything we could've ever wanted." She needed him to know that. 'He could have had something to live for'. The words from her father kept going around and around in her head. She didn't understand why her brother had felt so lost but she knew that her parents had done their best.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Bridie shook her head a little as Ava apologised. "It's okay." She sighed. She wanted her to know that. She needed her to know that. She thought that they could maybe talk about it a little while later, when it was just the two of them. She didn't see the point in piling on the pain for her best friend right now. It was clear that she was hurting enough. She helped Ava into the closest seat and kissed her forehead. She grabbed one of the glasses and quickly poured her a glass of water. "He'll come around. It's just the shock, Ava. You know how much he adores you."

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Iris hadn't expected her to ask him to go somewhere with her until the words were out of her mouth. She needed to clear her head though and, if she was honest, she only wanted to be with Arlo. "I'm just going to get some air, alright?" She called over to Nancy, a small smile on her face. She wanted her to know that she wasn't just abandoning her. "Call me if you need me." She sighed. Because to give her friend that option. She knew that her mum didn't need to be told. "Yeah, lets go." She nodded as she looked back to Arlo.

FH AH AG NH AG: Mia hadn't expected any company whatsoever tonight - she'd just been planning on studying. There were books laid out across her bed, her laptop balancing precariously on a pile of them and a cup of coffee on the bedside table. But for the last ten minutes, she'd been on the phone with Sebastian trying to get him to understand why she didn't want him to come over - although the studying wasn't the real reason. It had become more and more obvious recently that he was just a rebound from Noah and she felt awful about it, but he just wasn't seeming to see it. "Look, I really do have a lot to do and --" She paused as she heard somebody shouting her name. "I have to go, Penny's shouting me." She lied. She knew that voice anywhere, but she had no clue what he would want. She left her room and walked to the door, opening it with a confused expression. "What do you want?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

FH AH AG NH AG: "I don't think he will be." Nancy sighed, although that actually worried her a little bit more - she didn't know where Noah was going, but she didn't think he'd end up alone. She looked up at her grandmas offer. If she was honest, all she really wanted to do was go home to her student house, to cope with all of this on her own - but she didn't know if she'd get there and just feel immensely lonely. And then she looked at her mother. She looked to the kitchen, where her father was. She didn't want them to feel like both of their children had left them tonight. "I should stay here. Thank you, though." She gave her a sad smile.

FH AH AG NH AG: Aaron had really liked Elias - he'd thought he was funny, he'd seen how he cared about his family. When he was sober, he was a good person to have around. But he had also seen him in the bad times - he'd been there when he would go missing for weeks, when he would returned high out of his mind and not know where he'd been. He could never have been a father. He knew that. He nodded as Grace said she wanted to go home, reaching into his pocket to take out his car keys. "Al, I'm going to take your mum home. I'll come back and get you." He told her softly.

FH AH AG NH AG: Freddie nodded as his daughter spoke, although he didn't really believe her. In his heart, he knew he could've done more - he should have been stronger, he should have fought his own addiction so that he could help his son fight his. But he never had done, even now. "I love you too, Al." He told her quietly, kissing the top of his daughters head. Even though she was grown up now, with a family of her own - she would always be his youngest child, the one he looked out for the most.

FH AH AG NH AG: Ava shook her head. She wanted to be able to explain, she wanted to tell Bridie why she hadn't told her - why she'd kept this from her. Why they had never asked her to be Noah's godmother, because she knew that despite her not knowing he was Elias's son, she couldn't do that to her. "You know him as well as I do, Bridie." She whispered, shaking her head. "There's a chance he's never going to forgive us for this."

FH AH AG NH AG: Arlo grabbed his jacket and pulled it on quickly, not wanting to waste any time - he didn't want to give Iris a chance to second guess herself, to change her mind and tell him she actually didn't want to go anywhere with him. "Love you, everyone." He said quietly as he looked from his parents, to his grandparents, to his aunt, uncle and cousin. He headed out of the door then, waiting for Iris before he closed it behind them. "You wanna head to the park?" He asked, raising an eyebrow. It was where they would usually walk, he always found it a nice and calm place to be, especially at this time.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Noah knew that when Mia saw him, she wouldn't be happy. It probably wouldn't make sense to her. And as he looked up at her, he had no idea what to do, how to tell her what had happened. He stared at her for a minute, trying to figure out how he could put together everything that he had in his mind. And when he finally went to talk, his voice crack. The tears that he had been keeping in while he was around the others, finally came. Mia was one of the only people that he had ever let himself get this close too, who he would ever let see him cry.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Grace really wan't sure that what Nancy was telling her was the truth. She didn't know how they could help Noah. She didn't know how to help anyone. Grace knew that she hadn't ever been the best mother. She had, had a lot of faults but she was always there for her children when they really needed her. "Okay. Call if you change your mind." She moved over to her granddaughter and kissed her forehead. She went to say something to Alba, when she saw the glare her daughter was giving her so she decided otherwise. "Thank you, Aaron."

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Jude didn't know what to do. He couldn't get a hold on himself. His brother was dead, his son didn't want him around anymore. He had no idea what he could do. Elias had been his best friend. He had done everything for him .He had tried to help him as much as he could and it still wasn't good enough. Jude had never stopped feeling guilty because of that. And almost every time he closed his eyes, he saw his brother in his bed, already cold. He didn't know how to get that out of his brain. He had done everything he could and it was never enough. Not for Elias. Not for Noah. He felt lost.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: "Okay. I love you." Alba nodded as she glanced at her husband. She felt so lucky to have someone like him. She glared at her mum for a second - she didn't want to talk to her - before she looked back up at her dad. "Do you want to stay with Aaron and I tonight?" She asked him. "I don't think -" But she stopped her herself. She knew her dad. She knew that he wouldn't admit defeat, that he needed something. So she rephrased what she was going to stay. "I think I'd really need you there tonight." If it was something for her, then she thought he might actually do it.

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Bridie didn't know what she would have done with the information if Elias was still there. She thought that she probably would have confronted him, tried to make him see that having Noah could help. Because Bridie thought the same as Freddie. If he had something to live for, maybe he wouldn't have died. Bridie sometimes - fleetingly - regretted having Iris. If she hadn't had Iris, then she could have been that for him. She had that thought in her head now. "He will forgive you, Ava." She nodded, "He loves you. He worships the ground you walk on. You just have to give him time."

IS NG AH GH BS JH: Iris grabbed her jacket but didn't put it on. She was hot and she needed a little bit of cold to cool her down a little. As she fell into step beside Arlo, she took a hold of his hand. Things might not be all that different for him but she thought that it was probably still a massive shock for him. She just wanted him to know that she was there as well. "Yeah, sounds good." She nodded. Tonight, it was like they could press pause. Just for a little bit. Whatever was going on, they could pretend like it wasn't and just be them.

[harryjamesheadcanons]

Next Gen + Godparents 

Harry more or less starts the Weasley godparent trend by taking his responsibility as Teddy’s godfather incredibly seriously. He considers Teddy his own kid, prioritizes him the way he would have loved to be prioritized as a child himself. He also does his best to tell him everything he knows about the wonderful people Remus and Tonks were. He understands him perfectly. 

Fleur insists that the godfather of her firstborn be someone smart, financially stable, soft-spoken, and not remotely related to the Weasley clan. When Bill suggests Viktor Krum, she wonders if she’d been picturing him when she set her criteria. He cries when they ask him, and forever teases that Victoire was named after him, instead of the victory at the Battle of Hogwarts. Fleur lets Victoire believe that until she’s old enough to know about the war.

Molly and Lucy’s godmother is their aunt Daphne, who never has kids of her own, but dotes on Molly and Lucy (and their cousin Scorpius, too!). Audrey is very close with her sisters, as all respectable pureblood siblings are, and hopes that Daphne can teach her girls the grace and smooth femininity Audrey had never perfected as well as the youngest Greengrass. Percy doesn’t get a lot of say, although there wasn’t anyone he would have wanted particularly if he had been asked. 

Lee Jordan is joking when he holds tiny baby Fred for the first time and says, “hey, check out my godson.” George and Angelina glance at each other, never having given thought to anyone except Ron or Ginny to take the position in their baby son’s life. It’s what his namesake would have wanted, they both think, and George says, “yeah, your godson’s pretty cute, isn’t he?” Lee isn’t around a lot, but when he is, he gives little Fred the world. 

Ron and Hermione aren’t planning on having children of their own by the time little James Sirius Weasley-Potter comes into the world, content to be perpetual aunts and uncles - and, after Harry had tearfully asked them six months ago, godparents - but that changed the day they saw each other speaking quietly to a tiny bundle in the other’s arms. They babysit one night, when Jamie is six months old or so, and have a long conversation after putting the little guy to bed about having one of their own. They always seem to credit him for their decision, and dote on him just a little more than they dote on their other niblings, even Lily. 

When Madame Maxime offers to be little Domique’s godmother, Fleur isn’t sure. Bill had talked about asking Charlie, and they still weren’t sure which school they were planning to send their kids to - Hogwarts, with all their cousins, or Beauxbatons, for the French roots Fleur feared they’d never quite pick up. It only takes an afternoon of watching Maxime with little Victoire before they’ve decide, though. She’s perfect. 

Ron and Hermione, being the godparents of James Sirius, decide to return the favor and ask Harry and Ginny to be little Rose’s. They’re delighted, and even though she’s born within a month of their own Albus, manage to shower her with affection and love right from the start and throughout her whole life. Although Rose’s hero is her mother, she still trusts her Aunt Ginny with more than she’d ever tell Hermione. 

After much consideration, Harry and Ginny ask Andromeda to be little Albus’s godmother. Not only does Harry trust her more than anyone besides Ron, Hermione, and his wife, it’s also partially for Teddy, giving him one more link into the Weasley-Potter family. It turns out to be the perfect decision, especially once Al is sorted Slytherin and she understands like no one else can.

Draco Malfoy doesn’t believe in godparents, not after what happened with his own at the top of the Astronomy tower. Scorpius has plenty of love and support, though, with his own parents and grandparents, his aunts Daphne and Audrey, and, eventually, the Weasley clan itself. 

The award for the Weasley godparent with the highest ratio of dragons as gifts goes to Charlie, and Louis grows up with a love of folklore that Charlie passes on like he would to his own kids. 

Neville and Ginny are Luna’s two favorite people in the whole world, and both happen to be wonderful with kids, and have enough love to share with her twin boys. Neville cries she asks him, and immediately begins to love the boys like his own. He offers a sense of protection that Luna is never quite able to convey. Ginny hugs her best friend for a very long time, and swears to offer the best home-away-from-home possible for the boys. Luna never feels like a single mother with the two of them in her life and her boys’. 

Lily Luna’s idol is her godmother, and Luna does her level best to continue to love and inspire awe in the tiny redhead whose snark and manipulation complement Luna’s non-sequiters and huge, pleading eyes perfectly. They’re a team that Ginny is powerless against, and Harry rolls his eyes affectionately over. 

Myrna’s godmother is Hestia Jones, to whom Dudley owes his entrance into the Wizarding World. He wants to make sure that if his daughter does end up being part of that world - even if he hopes she isn’t - that she’ll be supported and taken care of and loved inside of it and out. Hestia is brave and wise, and turns out to be an excellent godmother, before and after Myrna’s letter. 

Hermione wants nothing more than to have Hagrid as Hugo’s godfather. Ron is hesitant - he lives with dragons and blast-ended skrewts, Hermione - but they ask him anyway, and Hugo spends long hours in Hagrid’s huge arms, and then trailing dutifully behind him on the ranch, whenever he can get Ron to agree to let him go. 

Hestia offers to be Rhea’s godmother, too. She never treats her differently than Myrna, even though she has very little experience with Muggle children. She’s the one to help Rhea understand Myrna’s world before Myrna can articulate the differences, and the one to show her the magic in both of their lives. 

Percy wanted to choose one of his siblings to be the godparents of Ken, but he wasn’t absolutely certain that Oliver wasn’t choosing based solely on Quidditch merit. Fleur seemed a good compromise.

George and Angelina officially ask Lee Jordan, again, to be Roxanne’s godfather, but he hadn’t been as involved in Freddie’s life as they would have liked. They know, though, that their little girl will grow up with all the support of all of her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousin’s combined experience, so they aren’t too worried  about it.

[inkoasisfic]

Waiting Game

Stella works at a flower shop in London and Harry just wants to know her.

An AU about flowers, chance meetings and moving on.

(i wrote this for an exchange FOREVER ago and i’m cleaning out my word docs so here’s this if you haven’t read it!)

The first time Harry goes into The Watering Can, he’s looking for something for his sister and her new baby. The woman behind the counter is busy talking with a middle-aged man so he goes to the cooler to look through the arrangements, only slightly wincing at the price tags that accompany them. He’s just reaching for a vase of roses when the click of heels has him looking over his shoulder.

“What are we looking for today?” the woman asks and if Harry could actually form a sentence, he’d tell her that his sister just had a little girl that morning and he’s off to St. Mary’s to meet her but he just blinks at her, mouth hanging open like an absolute knob but she doesn’t seem at all bothered, just gives him a little smile and takes the vase from his hands. “Roses are a lovely choice. Can I ask what they’re for?” By the grace of God, Harry snaps out of his trance and shakes his head a bit to clear his thoughts.

“Oh, um, my sister. My sister just had a baby.”

“Oh how lovely!” she coos, whole face lighting up as if it were her own sister instead of a complete stranger’s. “Boy or girl?”

“Um, girl.”

“How wonderful. Does she have a name yet?” she asks, gently pushing him aside and putting the vase of roses back.

“Charlotte,” he tells her, watching as she plucks single flowers out of different tubs until she’s got an assortment of pinks and red. “We’re calling her Charlie, after my grandfather.”

“Oh I love that.” Harry follows her to the counter, watching her slice a chunk of ribbon from its spool and plucking a vase from the shelf behind her. “I love classic names, especially when they have meaning like that. I was named after my grandmother who passed away before I was born, so it meant a lot to my parents to pass it on. I’d love to have a daughter one day, name her after my mum.”

“What’s her name?”

“Anne.”

“Mine too.”

“Stop!” the girl gasps, smiling at him like he’s just told her the most wonderful news. “What a coincidence.”

“It is,” Harry agrees, watching her trim stems and tie ribbons all the while listening to her tell him about her best friend who just had a baby a few months ago and how she can’t get over how delicious he smells and the adorable noises he makes when he’s sleeping. Before he knows it, he’s got a vase full of flowers in his hand and his wallet is forty pounds lighter, but he’s smiling like a crazy person as he makes his way to the tube station, excited to meet the new woman in his life.

---

Charlie is everything Harry imagined and more. The second he opened the door and saw his sister cuddled up in her bed with a tiny buddle in her arms, he knew he was hooked.

“Oh Gem,” he whispers, setting the flowers on the windowsill and walking to her bedside. He leans over a bit, tugging the blanket down just enough to get a good look at her tiny face. “She’s so beautiful.”

“Thanks, H.” Gemma smiles down at her daughter, stroking a finger down her cheek.

“Where’s Kev?”

“He and Mum went to get some lunch, they should be back soon. Those for me?” she asks, looking over at the flowers.

“Oh. Yeah, got ‘em at that little place by the antique shop that Mum’s always going to.”

“Oh sure, the one with the hand painted window.”

“That’s the one.”

After Harry washes up, he pulls a chair up to the bed and takes Charlie from Gem, cradling her close and relaxing into the chair while they visit. He talks quietly, listens intently as Gemma gives him a play by play of the birth (minus the gory details) but he can’t take his eyes away from that little face.

“Oh Harry, you’re here!”

“Hi Mum.”

“Hello, love.” Anne bends down to press a kiss to his forehead, smoothing his hair back the same way she has for the last twenty-four years, smiling fondly as she looks at her granddaughter. “Beautiful, isn’t she?”

“She’s perfect. Well done, Kev.”

“Thank you very much,” he nods, sitting on the side of the bed by his wife.

“Excuse you,” Gemma scoffs, swatting his arm. “I did all the hard work, you just had the fun.”

“And you did so well, baby.” Harry looks away when Kevin leans in to kiss Gemma, smiling at his mum as she tells him about how brave Gemma was and how Kevin almost passed out when he decided to look when the doctor said she was crowning.

“Don’t ever do it,” Kevin tells him, face pale as if he’s watching it play over in his mind. “You can never come back from that.”

“Oh shut up,” Gemma laughs, launching into another story about how embarrassing her husband was during delivery. Harry loves every minute of it.

---

He’s trying to pick the perfect bunch of bananas when he sees her again. She’s standing by the strawberries, carefully inspecting each carton with a furrowed brow and what appears to be absolute concentration. Harry would laugh except he’s doing the same thing with the bananas because they can’t be too ripe and they can’t be too green, and there absolutely cannot be any bruises. He’s just about to go say hello when a man walks up behind her, slipping a hand over her shoulder and whispering in her ear. He can’t even register disappointment because he’s too shocked at the sight of a baby in his arms. And holy shit, does she have a baby? Is she married? How did he not notice a ring? Before he can even formulate an escape plan, he’s jostled back into reality by a trolley bumping into his.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” And of course it’s the flower girl. She blinks at him for a second, like she’s trying to place where she knows him from, and then it must click because she smiles at him and grabs his wrist like they’re long lost friends. “Oh my gosh, hi! How are you? How’s Charlie?”

“I’m…fine,” Harry tells her, in slight shock that she even remembers him after almost a month. “Charlie’s great. I’m surprised you remembered her name.”

“I never forget a baby,” she laughs like he’s the silliest person alive. The man at her side clears his throat, raising his brows at her as he gently bounces the baby in his arms. “Oh, sorry. This is Louis,” she tells Harry, slipping an arm around the brunette’s waist. “And this handsome little man is Freddie, the one I was telling you about.”

“That smells delicious?” Harry laughs, reaching a hand out to shake Louis’. “Nice to meet you. ‘m Harry.”

“You a friend of Stell’s, then?” Louis asks, adjusting Freddie as he squawks.

“Sorry?”

“Stella,” she tells Harry, smiling at his confused look. “That’s me, by the way. I guess we never properly introduced ourselves.”

“Stella,” Harry nods, smiling politely before looking back at Louis. “I stopped in the flower shop a few weeks ago and she helped me out.”

“His sister just had a baby,” Stella adds, lifting a hand adjust the pacifier in Freddie’s mouth. “She’s well? And your sister?”

“They’re both great, thanks.”

“Oh good, I was thinking about them the other day when I was doing the arrangements for a baby shower. Was hoping you’d stop back in so I could see a picture.”

Harry spends the next five minutes showing her the dozens of photos in his camera roll, gushing about how pretty Charlie is and how she kicks like she’s playing for Man U and how she thankfully inherited the dimples from his mum’s side of the family. He could have stood there talking to her all night but Freddie seemed to have other plans.

“Better get going,” Louis announces, rocking the crying baby as Stella reaches for him. He passes him off and grabs the trolley, telling Harry it was nice to meet him before starting toward the cashiers.

“It was good to see you,” Stella tells him, tutting at Freddie as she turns to follow Louis. “If you’re ever in the neighborhood, stop by the shop and say hello.”

“I will,” Harry promises, watching her walk away. He doesn’t even notice how he rubs a hand over his heart as she goes.

---

Harry hates Portobello Road on Saturdays. The market is always too cramped and his mum always takes too long, having to ask questions about every single item she’s interested in and usually walks away empty handed. It’s normally Gemma who goes antiquing with her but she’s home with Charlie so Harry’s been drafted to take her place until she’s feeling up to it. “I’m thinking I’d like to find a nice table for the sitting room, something rustic, a little worn looking.”

He hums in agreement, halfheartedly listening as he tries to dodge a small boy who cuts him off as his father chases after him. He isn’t feeling well, tired and hungover because Niall insisted they stay up until two in the morning drinking and playing FIFA. Normally Harry wouldn’t have been upset over it but he’d forgotten about meeting up with his mum and haphazardly threw on sweats and a jumper before running out the door. Now he’s hiding behind his sunglasses, praying they keep the spring sunlight from making his headache worse because he doesn’t feel like throwing up in front of an audience.

“Are you even listening?” Anne asks, looking at him over her shoulder. “If you didn’t want to come you should have just said so.”

“I just don’t feel well,” Harry mumbles, ducking under an awning to get some shade.

“You’re a grown man, Harry, you can tell Niall no.”

Harry rolls his eyes behind his sunglasses because he never could get away with anything when he was younger. His mum would take one look at him and know he’d been up to something. Some things never change. He’s just about to excuse himself to find a toilet when he hears her.

“Harry?” He closes his eyes, swearing under his breath before turning around and plastering a very phony smile on his face. “It is you,” Stella smiles as she adjusts the bag on her shoulder. She holds her hand up to her forehead, shielding her eyes from the sunlight to look up at him. “Enjoying a day at the market?”

“Um, yeah, I-“

“If by enjoying you mean whining like a toddler then yes, he’s enjoying himself.” Anne smiles at Stella even as Harry glares at her but both women ignore him in order to introduce themselves.

“I was just picking up a few new pots for the store when I saw Harry and thought I’d say hello,” she tells Anne, explaining that she works at The Watering Can and then opens her bag and shows off the tin watering cans she found and what flowers she plans to fill them with. “We just got a shipment in and I’m itching to work with the freesia and hyacinths, do up a big spring display for Easter.”

“I’ll have to stop in next week and take a look,” Anne decides, slipping her arm through Harry’s and smiling up at him. “Ready to head home, darling? Get in a nap before dinner?”

“Please don’t talk about food,” he groans, wincing at the thought.

“Are you sick?” Stella asks, voice laced with concern that has Anne grinning.

“Drank a bit too much last night,” Anne informs her, tutting at Harry as she tucks a flyaway hair behind his ear. “Just needs a nap and a fry up and he’ll be right as rain.”

“Mum,” Harry groans, putting his fist in front of his mouth as if that’ll ward off the nausea.

“It was lovely to meet you, Stella. I’ll be sure to pop in next week.”

“I look forward to it. Feel better, Harry.” She smiles at him, sending a little wave before turning and disappearing into the crowded street.

“She’s lovely, bear.”

“Mmhmm.”

“Very friendly. You seem to get on well.”

“Mum-“

“Just an observation,” she tells him, holding her hands up innocently. “Come on, love, let’s get you home and into bed.” Harry’s never heard a better plan in his life.

---

When Niall comes home a week later telling Harry that he has a date with the barista from their favorite café, Harry automatically suggests that Niall get flowers before he picks her up.

“Are you serious?” Niall asks, standing in front of their bathroom mirror playing with his hair. “We’re just going for a drink.”

“Still,” Harry tells him, leaning against the door with his arms crossed over his chest. “Bet she’d be impressed, you know? Think you’re a proper gent and all that.”

“I am a gentleman, you twat!”

“Yes, your language speaks volumes. Now come on, I’ll go with you to help you pick something out. The place isn’t far from here and I think they close soon.”

“You’re being weird,” Niall tells him, following him through their apartment. “I’ve been on a dozen dates since we moved in together and you’ve never badgered me about gifts.”

“I like Jasmine,” Harry lies, slipping his boots on. Well, it’s not really a lie, he does like her. She makes his tea perfectly every time and always saves him a caramel scone when they’re running low. “I don’t want to lose my barista because you don’t have any class.”

“It’s funny that you’re giving me dating advice when you haven’t been on one in what, six months?”

“I don’t want to rush into anything, you know that.”

“Don’t know how your dick hasn’t fallen off already,” Niall mutters as they step onto the lift. He smiles politely at the elderly woman already inside but it’s clear she heard his foul language by the glare she sends his way. “Maybe Jas has a friend-“

“No,” Harry interrupts, watching the floor numbers light up as they descend.

“But-“

“No,” Harry repeats, silencing Niall with a look that has him rolling his eyes and sighing in defeat.

It’s not the first time he’s tried to talk Harry into finding someone. They went out every weekend for a month after he and Gwen broke up and Niall had tried his damndest to get Harry to pull but with no such luck. He was done fucking around, wanted something real, someone he could see himself having a future with. Not someone to suck him off in a pub toilet and put a tongue emoji next to her name in his phone.

“This the place?” Niall asks, stopping in front of the shop.

“Yeah,” Harry pulls the door open and lets Niall go first. He isn’t even sure if Stella’s there but he’d been looking for an excuse to stop by and Niall’s date had come at a perfect time.

“Cute,” Niall observes, taking a look around. “My mum would love this place.”

“If it isn’t my favorite uncle.” Harry looks over his shoulder, smiling as Stella walks toward him. She’s dressed casual today, in skinny jeans and an oversized sweater the color of celery, hair thrown up into a topknot. “How’s the family?”

“Good,” Harry tells her, shoving his hands in his front pockets. He can feel Niall watching him, knows Niall knows that hands in his pockets means he’s nervous and then Niall’s introducing himself and Harry’s suddenly thinking this was a terrible idea.

“If I’d known that florists look like you, I’d be buying flowers every day.”

“Niall,” Harry warns but Stella just laughs.

“Thank you. Anything I can help you find?”

“I’ve got meself a date tonight,” Niall informs her, wiggling his eyebrows and sending her into another fit of laughter. “This one here,” he gestures to Harry “insisted that we come to the best florist in the city to get her something special.”

“Best florist, huh?” Stella asks, smiling at Harry.

“I never said that.”

“Ouch.” She puts a hand over her heart, feigning hurt and Harry’s eyes widen.

“No, that’s not…I didn’t mean that you’re not, I’m sure you are, everything always looks so nice in here and Gemma loved the flowers and my mum’s always talking about how creative you are-“

“I’m kidding, Harry, relax.” She gives his hand a gentle squeeze before telling Niall to follow her so they can pick something special out.

“Real smooth,” Niall whispers, following Stella and leaving Harry to pull his foot out of his mouth. Honestly, he’s never had problems with girls before. He has enough confidence to know that people find him attractive and he’s usually very charismatic but something about Stella makes his nerves buzz under his skin and his brain misfire as it sends words to his mouth. He really needs to work on that.

“They smell amazing.” Niall’s leaning his elbows on the counter, watching as she wraps the bouquet in tissue paper and fusses over the ribbon she’s tied around it.

“It’s the eucalyptus,” Stella tells him, fluffing the wrapping and spinning the bouquet in her hands to make sure it’s perfect. “There, what do you think?”

“Looks perfect,” Niall smiles, inspecting the yellow and purple blossoms even though he has no idea what he’s actually looking at. He pulls his wallet out and hands her his credit card, shoving the flowers into Harry’s hands so he can sign the slip and praise Stella for her work. “If all goes well tonight, you’ll be seeing me quite a bit.”

“I look forward to it. Have a good time.”

“I will, thanks. You good to get home by yourself?” he asks Harry, checking his watch.

“Think I can manage. Tell Jas I said hello.”

“Will do.” Niall heads for the door, pushing it open with his free and before shouting “don’t wait up, darling!”

“He’s quite the character.” Harry turns back to Stella, watching as she cleans up the trimmings and tosses everything into the bin behind the counter.

“He’s great,” Harry tells her, leaning a hip against the counter and rubbing a silk petal between his fingers. “Met him my second year at uni and been mates ever since.” Before he can think better of it, he hears himself asking if she has any plans for the night and well, he can’t take it back so he might as well just roll with it. “Want to grab a drink?”

She looks like she’s about to say yes, like she thinks spending her evening in Harry’s company sounds like something she would enjoy but just as she opens her mouth to answer, her smile disappears.

“I’d love to,” she starts “but I’ve got a few errands to run and I’m really tired.”

“Oh, yeah, no that’s fine, no worries.” He pushes away from the counter, brushing his hair out of his face as he straightens up.

“Thanks though.”

“Sure,” he nods, giving her a reassuring smile. “Maybe some other time.”

“Maybe,” she tells him but the sad smile on her face as he walks away makes him think otherwise.

---

“Alright.” Niall plops down on the couch next to Harry, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table even though Harry hates it. “What do I have to do to get you out of this funk?”

“I’m not in a funk.”

“H, you’re watching a documentary on horticulture.”

“It’s interesting!”

“Bullshit.” Niall reaches for the remote, clicking the telly off and turning to face Harry. “So she turned you down one time, big deal. It’s been two weeks and you haven’t gone back. You told her raincheck, right?”

“Yeah but you didn’t see her face, Ni. She looked like she wanted to tell me it wasn’t going to happen but she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. It’s fine, I’m fine, I’m just not going to go back-“

“Alright, up,” Niall orders, pushing to his feet.

“Niall-“

“Don’t Niall me, Harold.”

“That’s not even my name.”

“You’ve done nothing but sit here sulking when you could be out there wooing her.”

“Wooing?”

“Wooing,” Niall nods, hands on his hips. “Honestly H, it’s a bit pathetic. Didn’t think you were a piner.”

“I’m not pining.”

“You’re literally watching a movie about the process of growing plants. Get off your ass and do something.”

---

Stella’s just locking up when his cab pulls up. Harry tosses money over the seat and jumps out, not even sure what he’s planning on saying. But then Stella’s turning around, tucking her keys into her bag. She jumps a bit when she sees him, putting a hand over her heart as she looks up at him and sighs in relief.

“Jesus Harry, you scared me.”

“Sorry.”

“Did you need something?” she asks, pulling her phone out and typing away. Harry doesn’t know who she’s texting but he finds himself feeling a bit jealous over it. “I’m babysitting Freddie tonight,” she tells him, slipping her phone back in her pocket. “Had to close up a bit early. I’m sorry if you were looking to pick something up.”

“No, um, no.” Harry runs a nervous hand through his hair, looking anywhere but at her. “Was just…was gonna see if like, you wanted to go out for a bit but you’ve got plans so.”

They stand in awkward silence for a minute, Harry looking at his boots and Stella looking at Harry. He hears her sigh and his stomach drops. He doesn’t want to be let down.

“Harry-“

“It’s alright,” he assures her, already backing away. He wants to get out before she says she’s not interested. “I shouldn’t have assumed you were free, you know? I mean, you’re great, s’like, why I wanted to hang out but-“

“Harry, that’s not-“

“Stop, its fine. It’s all good.” He knows the words are forced, knows they come out harsher than he meant them to by the way she winces. He apologizes, tells her he’ll see her around. She doesn’t stop him and he doesn’t look back.

---

Summer’s in full swing and Harry can’t even believe how fast time is flying by. Charlie’s growing like a weed, sprouting two teeth at once and finding that she likes the sound of her own voice and shrieks as loud as possible at any given time just to amuse herself.

Harry’s closing in on a year, has just a few short weeks before he’s officially been single (and celibate) for an entire year. Niall is dumbfounded, can’t understand why anyone would want to go without sex for that long and continues to try to get Harry out at night, to find someone to bring home and end the drought.

Harry thinks it might happen the night he lets Niall convince him to go to a housewarming party for a mutual friend of theirs. It’s been forever since he’s gone out, since he’s socialized with people outside of his immediate circle and he finds himself enjoying the party, the people, the booze. He makes his way around the room, stopping here and there to chat someone up he hasn’t seen in a while and meets a few new people as well.

Her name is Claire, the girl that he thinks could be the one. Not like, forever, but maybe for right now. She’s pretty, long blonde hair and pale blue eyes, a nice laugh. She seems interested, which is always good, if the way she’s constantly touching his arm when she talks is any indication. He glances up, makes eye contact with Niall across the room who shoots him a thumbs up, Jas tucked safely into his side. He’s about to zone back in on Claire when he catches a glimpse of dark brown hair and it’s like someone’s punched him in the chest.

“Harry?” Claire puts a hand on his arm, obviously concerned by the way his eyes have widened and his mouth is hanging open as he stares across the room but he pays her no mind. All he sees is Stella. Pretty, smart, vibrant Stella that’s been on his mind for months on end, pressed up against another man with his arm wrapped around her shoulders as they talk to someone Harry’s never seen before.

If he were sober, he’d probably be sad, definitely hurt because she has a boyfriend and didn’t bother telling him. But he’s not sober and he’s not hurt or sad. No, Harry’s fucking pissed.

“H.” Niall grabs his forearm before he can walk over and pulls Harry aside, pushing him out into the hall. “The fuck are you doing?”

“Me?” Harry demands, pointing toward the living room they’d just exited. “Did you not see who’s here?”

“Yes I saw who’s here and I also saw you headed straight for her. What the hell were you going to do?”

“I just wanted to talk to her, Ni. Did you see the guy she’s with? Like, what the fuck? She has a boyfriend?”

“I don’t know-“

“And she’s just over there smiling, having a good old fucking time while I’m constantly wondering why she wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Harry-“ Niall grabs his arm but Harry doesn’t stop.

“I don’t even know why I’m so hung up on her, I don’t even know her but she’s all I think about and it’s so fucking annoying because she wants nothing to do with me.”

“H, she’s-“

“I’m a good guy, Niall. I’m a fucking catch, okay?”

“Jesus Harry, you need to shut-“

“I don’t cheat,” he snaps, pointing a finger in his friend’s face as though he’s accused him of it. “I’m loyal, I’m a good listener, I’ve got a stable job and nice place to live and I’ve got a good relationship with my mum. So why the fuck am I not good enough?”

“I never said you weren’t.”

Harry spins around so fast that Niall has to catch him before he topples over. Stella’s standing behind him, arms hanging at her sides as she stares in what looks to be a combination of terror and confusion. Niall excuses himself, squeezing Harry’s shoulder before slinking back into the living room so they have some privacy.

“I never said you weren’t good enough.”

“Funny way of showing it,” Harry scoffs, pushing his hair out of his face. He’s just on the wrong side of drunk and starting to feel it.

“I wanted to explain,” she tells him, clasping her hands together and twisting the rings around her fingers. “The last time I saw you, I wanted to tell you why I didn’t want to go out with you.”

“Oh good, love to hear about my shortcomings,” he snorts, bringing his beer bottle to his lips and taking a pull. Suddenly he doesn’t feel drunk enough.

“It doesn’t have anything to do with you, Harry. That’s what I wanted to tell you.”

“Well.” He holds his arms out, smiling in a way that he knows isn’t attractive but he doesn’t care anymore. He’s just tired. “I’m all ears, love.”

Stella watches him for a minute, the way he runs his hands through his hair and looks at anything but her. The way he’s swaying after too many drinks and maybe this isn’t the best time to have this conversation but he looks sad and exhausted and she doesn’t like knowing that she had anything to do with that.

“The week before I met you I broke up with my boyfriend.” Harry’s head snaps up, eyes narrowing as he watches her lean against the wall and cross her ankles. “I won’t bore you with the details, but it wasn’t a bad break-up. I mean, it was amicable, we agreed we’d be better off apart but I was with him for two years. I hadn’t even been considering anyone else when you walked into the shop that morning. But there you were with your stupid curls and your stupid eyes and your stupid dimples and you made me think, Harry, and that scared the shit out of me.”

“Stell-”

“I’m not ready.” He swallows down the lump in his throat, keeps his eyes on hers when she finally looks back up at him. “I’m not ready for anything right this second but that doesn’t mean it’s anything to do with you or that I won’t be ready in the future. I just need time, you know? It’s only been a few months and I’m not looking to jump into something right now, not when I’m just getting back on my feet.”

“Okay.”

“I want to be you friend, Harry. I want to hang out and get to know you and listen to you talk about Charlie because your whole face lights up when you do and I love that. And I don’t know, maybe once we’ve gotten to know each other better I’ll be ready for something else. Not that you have to wait,” she quickly adds. “You can do whatever you want, you know? I don’t need-“

“I’d like to be your friend.” Harry smiles at her, a real smile and it feels nice because it hasn’t been genuine in quite a while. “I’d like to get to know you, to hang out and talk about Charlie and Freddie and whatever else you want to talk about. And I don’t…I’m not looking for someone else. I can wait. I’d like to wait.”

“Okay.” Stella takes a deep breath, pushes away from the wall and closes the distance between them. Harry doesn’t hesitate, just pulls her into his arms and hugs her close enough that he’ll feel it even after she’s gone. “If you change your mind-“

“I won’t,” he laughs, pressing a kiss to her hair. He can feel her relax in his arms and it makes his stomach flutter because this is what he wants, for her to be comfortable with him. And if he has to wait, if there’s even the slightest chance that he has any sort of future with the pretty girl from the flower shop, he’ll wait another year if he has to. She’s worth it.

[stellacarrierimaginationbuilders]

Each Day Gets Better Freestyle Story by Stella Carrier

Affirmations

I put forth my best efforts and creative output each day with little concern to external appreciation andor praise.

I successfully figure out how to make the best of both of my today, tomorrow, and the future with little concern as to external reward and I use any harsh judgments to my creative andor spiritual advantage.

I have been giving helpful and unique advice in regards to the goals I have for my future. I wisely and strategically take action and create blueprint plans to the timeless guidance I have been given.

https://www.orindaben.com/pages/rooms/affirmations_room/

I look beyond appearances to know what is real.

My third eye is opening.

I ask for and receive higher guidance.

My psychic abilities expand each day.

I am creating heaven on earth.

I am a valuable person. My path is important.

Songs for today

Pain by Three Days Grace

Good To Be Alive by Andy Grammer

State of My Head by Shinedown

I Can’t Stay Away by The Veronicas

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This by The Eurythmics

Each Day Gets Better Freestyle Story by Stella Carrier

Start time 117 pm

End time 155 pm

Jasmine Alexander is having a lot of fun setting up an event for some grade school children at a park that she agreed to be a volunteer for. Jasmine notices that many of the parents dropping of their kids are dressed in outfits that are very fashionable for the Hollywood, California that they are residing in. Some of the parents that dropped off their 8 year old kids look like stars themselves even though they are grade school teachers. Just a few hours ago, a father named Bernard McLaughlin who is a successful real estate investor in the area (and looks like the lead singer of Shinedown who created the song State of My Head)dropped off his 9 year old daughter with a 25 year old looking female named Violet Watson (her name tag was on the dress) who resembled the Veronica Sisters (who have created such songs as Stay Away, Take Me On The Floor).

A 45 year old woman named Mona Hughes (who looks like Annie Lennox in the Eurythmics music video for Sweet dreams) comes over to Jasmine. Mona tells Jasmine that she could go ahead and go home for the day as she is her relief for the day for the remaining 4 hours.  Jasmine goes ahead to leave and walks around the nearby houses in the area to look at where she might want live in for herself, her husband, and her two 10 year old twin nieces named Annabel and Selene.

She looks at three website resources on various houses across the world, a successful story of a person who succeeded in paying off their house early, and a third story  of a man who imagined paying his mortgage before he succeeded in paying off his house. Jasmine realizes that she would love to have a house that her family members and friends could come to visit her in. She feels blessed for the apartment that she shares with her husband, but it is too small to frequently have more than one extra person to visit at (not to mention rising rent prices that has her thinking that she might as well look into buying a house within the next 10 years or less).

Jasmine borrows the car from her sister named Lillian Wood to pick up her nieces Annabel and Selene. Lillian Wood is a popular and charismatic professor at one of the colleges that is close to the school of her daughters. Once at the school, one of the teachers lets Jasmine know that she is actually 2 hours early but that she will call her once the girls are ready to get picked up. Jasmine gets a special pass to allow herself to nap in the car before she is called by either the teacher or his sister that the girls are ready.

For whatever reason, Jasmine notices that she must be already asleep when she is in a scene where a positive scene is replayed to where she talks to a spiritual/psychic mentor that she trusts that helps her confirm some of the plans that she has, which also helps her intellectually believe in her capabilities to achieve her dreams regardless of what some well-meaning critics may tell her. The blue robin that her psychic mentor sees after the session for whatever reason turns into a green train in front of Jasmine. Jasmine flashes back to that dream where she sees two people that she has not yet met in her real-life on some type of luxury train that has nice beds and large windows that show the bright sunlight outside. A female named Florence that Jasmine has not yet met appears up beside her and politely asks her to avoid disclosing what she sees the two people doing even though she has not yet met them. Jasmine is only allowed to share that the male looked like the lead singer of Three Days Grace and that the female looked like one of the models in the Pain by Three Days Grace music video. Then Jasmine asks this female what this has to do with her. With compassion, the female tells Jasmine that she actually brought this couple together in one of her past dreams even though she may have initially forget; the words a spiritual dreamwork love matchmaker pop up in front of Jasmine in gold. Jasmine then asks the female spirit what her qualifications are to have even been selected for this and an image is shown where Jasmine was much younger.  Jasmine was only 21 years old and acted a little too bold in pursuing a guy named Freddie Baker that she liked that she was sure was interested in another type of female.

However, Jasmine decided to move on by using the prototype of that guy for the next guy that she pursued with success named Stanley Parker. Freddie Baker somehow found out about Jasmine’s new love interest and joked with her that she found a 2.0 version of him. Jasmine asked Baker why he even cared because he seemed interested in another type of woman. Baker admitted to Jasmine that he actually was interested in her but was only trying to “challenge” her to prove her romantic interest in him and he felt the need to admit this once he found out that she moved on and slept with Parker.  Jasmine admitted to Freddie that she was only following her intuition because she does not believe in stalking a guy fatal attraction style or spending too much time on a guy if she is unsure of his interest in her. Florence then woke Jasmine up from the image and explained that this was why her celestial guides have selected her to be a dream shift matchmaker. Before Jasmine could ask Florence about her dreamtime role, she is woken up by her cell phone and the ring tone Good to Be Alive by Andy Grammer. It turns out that  her nieces Annabel and Selene are ready to be picked up.

Various Resources

A wild dream that I had less than 6 hours ago involving a train

I admit that I was inspired to share this link after spotting it in my linkedin profile account less than four minutes ago and due to some unexpected dream that I had involving a train less than 6 hours ago.

http://robbreport.com/luxury-travel/slideshow/all-aboard-5-new-luxury-trains-book-year

All Aboard: 5 New Luxury Trains to Book This Year

 https://www.lovemoney.com/galleries/62824/the-worlds-most-incredible-homes

The World’s Most Incredible Homes

http://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-pay-off-your-mortgage-early-2017-3

After paying off my $255,000 mortgage by age 30, here are the 5 best pieces of advice I can give you by Sean Cooper contributor

http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/personalfinance/2017/03/15/one-thing-everyone-should-do-before-buying-house/99005436/

  The one thing everyone should do (but no one does) before buying a house by Jim Wang

 A healing session that I had with a psychic mentor/author

https://www.orindaben.com/pages/rooms/book_paragraph/

You can cultivate new beliefs that will help you accumulate money. For instance, the belief that you can make a living doing what you love might motivate you to be more creative. You might want to believe that money is something to be enjoyed, something that will contribute to your higher purpose and help you make a contribution to humanity.

Accelerating your spiritual growth comes from accepting and loving yourself as you are right now. Some of you think that you will love yourself better when you have become evolved and perfect. Many of you are too critical and hard on yourselves. Spiritual growth comes from loving yourself as you are now, not from making yourself wrong because you haven't reached some imaginary ideal of perfection. You are perfect as you are now.

How does it feel to channel? Channeling states feel as if you have become very wise. The channeling state creates subtle changes in your perception of reality. Answers to questions may come easily, and they may seem simple or obvious. At first it may even seem as if you are imagining or making up the words and thoughts. You might feel as if you are concentrating. You do not want to push your mind away; actively use it to help you reach higher.

If you are working toward quantum leaps that have not yet occurred, be aware that everything you are doing right now in your life is getting you closer. Go inward for a moment and ask "What quantum leap am I in the process of taking? And how could something that happened in the last week or even today be preparing me to have it?"

http://writingexercises.co.uk/random-name-generator.php

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