#like if it’s that much an issue write your own lmfao

[nastyatticman]

I think the people who take time out of their days to make posts about how x reader fanfics are not ~relatable~ to them personally should just write their own

[mossyvil]

how they like to cuddle

includes all characters except ortho bc idk how to write for him. writing this on mobile so excuse any formatting issues

riddle- he isn’t a huge cuddler, so you guys usually are just next to each other. but sometimes if you’re lucky you’ll wake up in the middle of the night and he is clinging on to you for dear life. he isn’t aware he does this tho so don’t mention it or he’ll be embarrassed

trey- he likes to have your head on his chest, holding your hand and maybe your legs interlocked. he also plays with your hair and it feels HEAVENLY. he also subconsciously runs his hands down your back as he falls asleep.

cater- he is just all over you lmfao. on your chest, you on his, spooning, he doesn’t care. it changes like 5 times a night too bc he can’t pick a position and stay in it but all his limbs must be touching you or he is not happy >:(

ace- just a classic big spoon guy. he enjoys cuddling but not to a huge extent to being a big spoon is the right amount or contact for him. but he is a hypocrite and will not let you get up once you’re in bed lol

deuce- acts like a big spoon but it’s obvious he likes being held, he just wants to be your protector. once you coax him a little though he’s much more comfortable being the little spoon and feels very safe in your arms

more utc!

leona- uses you as his own personal body pillow. every part of him is wrapped around you, including his tail. he claims he can’t sleep well without you so he drags you to cuddle with him when he takes naps lol. only puts his head on you, not his pillow

ruggie- he has no preference. he can appreciate all of the cuddling positions and likes to switch it up each night. and yes, he does like having his head pet. so any position where you can give him head rubs is fine with him

jack- he likes having you fully on top of him. no matter your size he likes the feeling of you on him, it’s like a weighted blanket. he’s also a little afraid of hurting you with his strength so this is a win-win for him

azul- hes a little spoon. it takes a while for him to even be comfortable cuddling in the first place, and once that happens he’s actually very open with saying that he prefers to be held. it makes him feel safe, like his octopot.

jade- big spoon all the way. he doesn’t have a real reason why he likes it so much but he won’t cuddle unless he can be the big spoon. just be careful, once you’re in his arms his teasing mood kicks in

floyd- it changes every night lol. he isn’t a big fan of being the little spoon, but other than that he just goes with what you prefer. he does like to squeeze you when he can, but he tries to be gentle

kalim- little spoon! he feels very content in your arms and it helps him relax after a long day. he also likes to hold your hands in front of him. give him soft kisses behind his ear and youll get to hear his giggles bc he’s ticklish

jamil- he’s also not huge on cuddling but he can’t sleep without you in the bed. at most he wants to hold hands but even that depends on the day. he’s like a cat, he wants to be near you but not touch unless it’s on his terms.

vil- DOES like to cuddle but makes sure not to mess up his hair. usually lays on his back and pulls you into his side so he isn’t gonna ruin all his meticulous work on his skin and hair. he isn’t too upset if it does happen, but would like to avoid it

rook- has no preference, just likes to touch you lol. if he had to choose he would want you to have your head on his chest, but as long as he gets to have his affection he’s happy. he doesn’t move a lot in his sleep, but does subconsciously pull you closer to him

epel- big spoon most of the time but sometimes is the little spoon. he’s surprisingly willing to admit he likes both, but he usually goes to being the big spoon. he likes being able to hug you, you’re like a soft plushy to him

idia- likes to sleep facing you and holding hands with legs intertwined but not fully cuddling. it took him a while to even be this affectionate with cuddling, but he’s getting there. he also likes that he can look at you when your eyes are closed lol

malleus- you on top of him with your head tucked under his. he wants you as close as possible and wraps your legs around each others so you’re even closer. he runs kind of warm so it’s really nice in the winter when the dorms are cold

lilia- he likes to lay on top of you with his head in your chest lol. it doesn’t matter if you have boobs or not, he likes your chest. he says it makes a good pillow for an old fae to rest his head on

silver- very respectful of your space and likes to be the big spoon. he lets you initiate any cuddling because he wants to make sure you’re okay with it first. he’s just happy to be next to you

sebek- he sleeps like a starfish LMFAO. all limbs are in each direction. theoretically you could cuddle like that but it’s not very comfortable 😭 he does at least try to go to sleep cuddling you if you want, but he moves a lot in his sleep so it doesn’t last that long

[loganlermanstanaccount]

Hello! Could you please write a stubborn, jealous hc for Miguel o'hara? Thank you!!

I had the brainworms, so I hope this is what you were looking for! Thanks for the ask <3

Jealous!Miguel O'Hara Headcanons

(AO3 Mirror), Main Masterlist

pairing: jealous!Miguel O'Hara x reader

summary: stubborn HCs for jealous!Miguel O'Hara. 

a/n: this was meant to be a drabble and i basically wrote a full fic. i have zero self control lmfao

warnings: smut (fingering, f receiving oral, slight brat taming, etc) right at the very end, 18+ from then onwards, the rest is more pg-13

wc: 3.5k ish

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Long story short: he's a stubborn little shit.

Pig-headed as fuck and it shows up in little things. 

Let's say you first met as coworkers, and you were a lab technician at Alchemax. 

Think: unstoppable force meets immovable object. He likes his labs just so, with very specific equipment in a very specific configuration. 

It drives you crazy, regularly having tiffs outside the labs; much to the chagrin of your coworkers. 

"Jesus." Your coworker mutters, wincing at the seemingly heated argument by the water cooler. 

"Ignore it, Maeve." Another coworker rolls their eyes, nudging Mave with a snort. "They're at it again . S'pose they'll tire each other out by the end of the day."

Not that they were wrong. But this time, it wasn't your fault: dealing with O'Hara's bullshit had really taken it's toll. He was insufferable, prone to nitpicking and just plain mean. You could hardly be blamed if you gave him some of your own choice words. 

"My notes were basically paint-by-fucking-numbers!  How could you mess up a simple distillation? When I specify precision glassware , you don't think that's fucking important?" 

"Your notes ," You draw air quotes pointedly at him. "-are illegible, you fucking cretin! Maybe if you didn't write like a goddamn pre-schooler-"

"- preschooler? Oh , fuck you!" 

"Get your nose out of that highschool Chem textbook, O'Hara, this is a fucking job."

"Yeah? Stop using it to wipe your ass and you might learn a thing or two."

"Oh , so that's what we're doing?" You laugh in his face, so angry your hand curls into tight fists. You get close, staring him down as you look upwards through your lashes. His own face is contorted into a grimace; bushy eyebrows furrowed into deep shadows around his eyes. You can feel his steady breathing before he speaks, low and rumbling. 

"I could do this all day, princesa. " 

You scoff, ignoring the way his words weaken your knees. The one time you asked for a break during a long lab and he won't stop calling you a spoilt princess. His laughter then stings in your ears now, the ghost of a smirk on his face as you storm off. Miguel O'Hara: smug bastard. He would be the death of you, you're sure. 

~~~

You spend many a late night with him, unwittingly, and find out he's more than a stubborn little shit. 

You find out he's funny, and shares the same anti-Alchemax tendencies you do: both preyed upon by the company immediately after graduation, young and naive. 

He's kind, even though he'd never admit it, often finishing up the lab notes and doing more than his fair share of work so you can go home at a reasonable time. 

You both still butt heads, but it turns into a tentative friendship - coffees in the morning hidden as blaise convenience, covering for each other at work, and defending the other when office gossip goes too far. 

That's why when he comes back to work after a week-long stint away - something about a blow up with the boss, an issue described as 'miscommunication, promptly smoothed over' by anyone official - you notice… something's different about him. 

You first noticed something was off when he walked in without a snide remark. You left a mug overnight at the counter, something that would usually draw a sarcastic comment at the least , but he gives you… nothing. Blank, glassy eyes as he opens up his workstation - clicking away at the keys without so much as a glance.

"O'Hara?" You call, but he doesn't even look up. You walk to his workstation and knock at the desk. He jumps. God, he looks worse for the wear. Heavy bags under his eyes and a bruise blossoming under his collar. 

"You okay?" 

He rubs his temples, eyes flitting up at you.  "Yeah, just…. just a long week, s'all." 

You put a hand on his shoulder, and you swear he leans into your touch. "We can reschedule, tonight. The calculations can wait, Miguel."

He gives you a weak smile, but a smile nevertheless. "S'okay. Need to make sure you don't fuck it up."

"Don't push your luck, O'Hara."

~~~

As you get closer, you notice just how stubborn he is to admit the growing tension between you two. 

Late nights at the lab turn into takeout at your place, morning coffee turns into a pleasant 20 minutes on the rooftop away from the hustle and bustle - just you and Miguel, talking and joking with a cup of shitty coffee in hand. 

Wholly, he seems more assertive at work, not as quick to roll over. 

It's hot, you have to admit; watching him fight with someone else other than you. 

You're at work drinks with the other technicians and engineers, nursing a watery beer when another colleague makes small talk with you at the bar.

You’ve never been that close to him, and the conversation is amicable enough, but you’re almost bowled over when you see Miguel, in the corner, staring straight at you with a stormy look.

You suppose it's a little pathetic, getting all dressed up for a casual drink. Lips shiny with gloss and gently powdered with makeup, you feel a little out of place. For all your talk at work, actually being here was another thing. Suddenly, your blouse is too tight and your skirt too short. With a manicured finger, you trace the lip of your glass filled with watery beer. You sigh. You don't want to admit it, but you were only here because of Miguel. He said he would come, and now you're sitting on a barstool counting the chips in your glass. 

It was probably for the best. You sink into the absentminded chatter of your colleagues around you, until there's a tap at your shoulder. 

"Is someone-" He clears his throat; a tall man dressed in a sharp suit nodding gracefully towards the empty chair. "-is this seat taken?" 

You shake your head, grateful for the company. He's handsome, sharp features curving into a wry grin as he calls for a drink. 

"...and something other than shitty beer for the pretty girl, too." It makes you laugh, light and lilting in the bustle of the bar. 

He stretches out his hand, and you take it. 

"Eddie Crouch. I work in marketing."

Eddie…. as in… head of the most profitable division of Alchemax? Your eyes widen involuntarily and you try to clamp down your immediate shock, somewhat unsuccessfully. He narrows his eyes as you tumble over your words. 

"Y-Yeah, same! I mean, not same , I just work in the l-labs and I thought it was just for us guys, working behind the curtain, y'know? Not that we're not thrilled to have you here, because we a-are." You spill out, wincing. "....Is this about the performance reviews? Because I know output was down this quarter but our projections are-"

"I'm not here to talk about work." He chuckles. You squint, not convinced. As if to alleviate your concerns, he loosens his tie and undoes his top buttons with a flourish. 

"Can I tell you a secret?" He leans in, and the air becomes thick with expensive perfume. He twirls the signet ring on his finger, a ring probably worth more than your monthly paycheck. 

"Your boss invited me," Discreetly, he stretches a finger at your boss; a man ruddy cheeked and red-faced with alcohol. "Guess he thought it would boost morale. He's a fucking idiot if he thinks having me, the one guy that could fire your entire department without recourse, exchange empty platitudes would boost morale. But, I digress. So here I am, dragging my feet to this bar, thinking I'm gonna get in, read the lines and get out. But then, " He pauses with dramatic effect. "I see the most beautiful person I've ever had the pleasure of laying my eyes on, just sitting by the bar. Like everyone isn't already falling over themselves to talk to you."

The irony is palpable. It's sickly sweet, and a line that wouldn't usually work on you. But usually, you weren't pining over a man so prickly and stubborn, you shouldn't have feelings for. Here you were, bright cocktail in front of you and a moderately attractive man by your side. He wasn't quite Miguel, but in the words of one of the greatest thinkers of the past age: country girls make do. 

And so you make lazy conversation with the man. So lost in a tipsy haze, you barely notice Miguel walk in; dark jacket on his shoulders and deliciously loose slacks. You're drawn to him, his eyes seemingly searching the room, and you sigh into your drink. Technically, he looks like shit: eyes dark-rimmed and sunken, a cut at his brow. You think he is gorgeous, eyes tracing the slope of his nose and plush lips. Like he can sense it, he glances over in your direction and you look away hastily. He's watching , you can feel its burn as you turn, pretending to listen to the man besides you. A little cruelly, you lean into him, not breaking eye contact and curling a hand around his arm to laugh at a stupid joke. Eddie laughs with you, oblivious, as you glance behind him. 

Miguel stands with a drink thrust into his hands, looking straight through him, eyes low and gazing at you. 

~~~

He insists on walking you home, a steady hand on the small of your back as you stumble through the streets of Nueva York.

You make light conversation, tipsy and giggly from the alcohol. Miguel seems a little more put together, but his chest still creaks with rumbling laughter.

He definitely walks on the side of the pavement nearest the street, because he thinks it keeps you safer. 

He walks you up the stairs and by the door of your apartment, like a gentleman. You watch him get nervous suddenly, and he hesitates, stubbornly digging in his heels and pausing you from opening the door and coming in. 

You don't want it to end, opting to take the walk up the stairs as opposed to the lift. It's one of your more questionable decisions as you stumble up the stairs, almost tripping over your own feet. Miguel is quick to catch you even though he was just as drunk. Arm around your waist, he leaves searing touches to your hip. You giggle despite yourself, and he can't help but smile at your clumsiness. 

"If you break your legs I won't carry you, princesa ." A lie and you both know it. He would carry you to the ends of the earth like a blushing bride, if you asked him. 

You both stagger to up the stairs and through the corridor until you reach your front door. You rummage around your bag for your keycard, it's contents click-clacking in the quiet of the hallway. Miguel watches, quieter than he was in the journey. If you looked up now, you would see something else behind his eyes - a storm of apprehension and tension. 

You find your keycard, and look up to find Miguel placing a careful palm on the door. He's surprisingly still, eyes on your lips as he steps closer. You look everywhere but to meet his eyes, tracing the curve of his collarbone, the slope of his exposed forearm, and the tempting juncture of his strong jaw. You watch it tense, as he brings a gentle hand to your chin. His thumb swipes over the fat of your lip. 

"Got somethin' right… there." He mumbles, before tucking his hand away. You can barely breathe. Without thinking you take his hand in yours, lacing your fingers together like a gentle hug. You bring his hand to your waist, and he squeezes, ever so gently. Your hand drops and he moves his slowly, knuckles dragging along the smooth silk of your blouse, and then sending shivers when he reaches your bare neck. 

He has to bite down the plethora of things running through his head - his drunken brain threatening to spill all his thoughts. You are so beautiful and soft it makes him short-circuit, desperate to pull you close. Instead, you do: hand inching up his chest and laying to rest on his shoulders. 

He kisses you, finally ; a little messy and impossibly soft. Like his lips on yours would shatter you both. You deepen the kiss and wrap his arm tighter around you, angling your chin to drink up even more of you. You both come up for air, panting in the heat of one another. Miguel's eyes are full of lust and blown out. 

"Do…do you want to come in?" You whisper. 

Something catches in his throat and his expression changes, like he just woke up from a dream. Do you just want to sleep with him? He's not built for one night stands, can't do just sex, especially if it's you. No matter how much he wants to, he can't, he won't, "....I shouldn't."

The disappointment on your face is palpable. You want to ask why - after he kissed you like that - why doesn't he want you? Instead you nod dejectedly. He gives you a chaste kiss on the forehead, lingering, and a shaky smile. 

You open your door with a buzz, and slam it in his face. 

~~~

It takes Miguel some time to properly put a name to what you two have: not knowing if the kiss was a drunken mistake, animal attraction or something more. 

He's not a grand gestures kind of person, he believes in action rather than words. 

Which is why it takes so long for him to admit just how in love with you he is. 

He steals glances at you all the time at the office, and tries to anticipate  all your needs. 

When you stretch and yawn in the morning, he happens to pass by your favourite coffee place and happens to buy one too many cups of your go-to order. 

So imagine his shock when he arrives from his lunch break, churros and coffee in hand, and there's one of the top brass from the night at the bar perched on your desk - 2 polystyrene cupfuls of something half drunk on the desk. 

He's never been insecure, but he can't help but feel possessive, something tense and tight growing at the base of his stomach. 

"What was it you wanted to talk about?" You step into the equipment cupboard, Miguel close behind you. You rub your temples, anticipating an argument. "O'Hara, if this is about my calibration tests this morning, I swear to God -" 

"No, no , nothing like that." He's quick to say. "They were… okay." He strains. 

You raise an eyebrow. Okay? Since when did Miguel pass up an opportunity for a mindless fight? Your mind races with his actions of the past few days. He has been different since the night at the bar, a little nicer, sure, but nothing this out of the ordinary. 

"That guy you were talking to. I saw him at the bar, and now here. Who is he?" 

Your eyebrows shoot up. "You do not have the right to ask me th-" 

"Are you fucking him?" A pause, and you study his expression, deducing that he is completely fucking serious . 

"Are you insane? You definitely don't have the right to ask me that." You make for the door, and he steps in front of it, blocking it with his body. 

"I need to know. Tell me and then I'll leave you alone, I promise." His voice is low and thick with something. 

You step closer and he wraps his hands around your waist absentmindedly. The pressure feels good, and makes your brain fog up. 

He repeats himself, softer. "Are you fucking him?" 

You look at him for a moment, before shaking your head. His facial expression  is steady, just as unreadable. 

"Do you want to?" 

You hesitate, wanting to be cruel and say yes, just to see his reaction. Perceptive, he sees your hesitance and says something that almost knocks you over. 

"I could fuck you better than he ever could," He kneads your thigh now, lips close to the shell of your ear in the tight space of the cupboard. " Princesa , look at me." 

You look at him, almost whimpering and putty in his hands. He's like a siren and you are lost in the pull of his gaze. It may be the proximity, but you swear you see a tinge of red in his eyes, like deep pools of lust. 

"Will you let me fuck you?" He pulls you closer so the meat of his thigh presses against your clothed cunt. Your stretchy pencil skirt rides up suggestively, and you rock your clit against him, searching for sweet pressure. You nod. 

Miguel titters softly, a hand on your chin pulling your lips to his. You moan into his kiss, body aching. It's hot and heavy like the kiss outside your door, but he swirls his tongue around yours and expertly nips at your lower lip. He guides your hips to rock against his thigh, tensing to make sure it's corded muscle hits the right places. He wants to break you apart, leave you so cock-drunk, you wouldn't think of even glancing at another man. 

You separate and he dips a hand under your skirt. He pulls it up and places a big palm at your pussy, with a well timed slap. You bite into his neck with the pressure. You definitely don't expect it when he rips open your stockings like they were paper. 

"Fuck, Miguel." 

"It's okay, baby, I'll get you new ones." Your eyes roll back as he slips aside the gusset to run a finger through your lower lips. Shamelessly, he slips a finger in, then two, basking in the wet squelch of your heat. You claw at his forearm, as he curls them into that sweet spot. 

You press your forehead to his shoulder, chasing his fingers with your hips. His sharp eyes watch every movement, every stutter and start that his fingers pull from you. He's practical, a man of action, and he is desperate to show you how much he cares. 

"I've thought about you… about this." He hisses as you cover your mouth to dampen your moans. 

"Wanted you for so long, princesa. Want to know how you taste, what this beautiful pussy feels like. What you look like when you cum."

His wrist aches with the back and forth motion but his pace barely faulters. 

" M-Miguel …"

He applies pressure to your clit, and watches in awe as you spasm, nails digging into his forearm. 

" Oh, there it is. Right there, hmm? Does that feel good?" 

You nod frantically with a stifled sob. 

"Not quite, baby. Need to hear you say it. Or I won't let you cum."

"...fuuck you."

" Oh, you'd like that. Still not what I want to hear. Tell me how much you like it when I fuck you with my fingers."

"F-Feels good." You stutter. He stops, wrenching his hand out of your pussy to leave you clenching around nothing.You almost scream.

"You're being a brat, not my princesa , hmm? Only good girls get to cum."

" Miguel , please. I'll do anything." He guides you along his thigh, still lodged between your legs, and licks up your wetness on his other hand. "You m-make me feel so good. So good. And I want you so much it hurts, sometimes. I just want to cum, don't even need your cock. Fuck me with something , please." 

"Miguel? Not asshole? Or fucking idiot, this time?" 

"Please, Miguel ." Your pleas go straight to his cock. He throbs with need, cock rock hard under his slacks. 

He relents, not able to bear your dopey puppy-dog eyes for much longer. He slips three fingers in, without bothering to prep you. He hisses at the tightness of your heat, pounding into you and knuckle deep with his fingers. Shamelessly, you fuck yourself back on them, hips rolling over his thigh. He can't tear himself away from the sight, palming himself through tented trousers. 

You kiss and nip at his neck, as he whispers obscenities at you under his breath. 

"Can you cum for me, princesa? Cum f'me, and I'll take care of you, I promise."

You clamp down on his fingers and moan into a kiss as you ride out your orgasm. It's intense: leg-shaking and leaves you shuddering in the aftermath. You were rusty, sure, hadn't had sex with someone in a while. But Miguel made you cum so hard you saw stars, with only his fingers. Your chest heaves with the thought. 

You thought he would leave you, torn stockings and all, in the little cupboard. But he stays, to sink down to his knees and lap at your folds. You rest a hand on a shelf for purchase, head back in bliss. You cunt is still sensitive, throbbing at the orgasm he's just given you, as you licks you clean. He's taking care of you. You card your hands into his hair, tugging gently as he moans into your pussy. 

He gives your clit a gentle kiss, and swipes up a trailing tear that rolls down your inner thigh. You watch as he pops his fingers into your mouth, cleaning off the cum. Your cum. 

Miguel gives you a lazy grin in the bare bulb of the equipment closet. He seems completely unfazed by the fact his fingers were in you not a moment ago. 

"Are you free after work?" He asks, and it takes a moment for you to process. 

"Uhhh… s-sure. Probably?" 

"Let me take you for dinner, somewhere nice."

All you can do is nod, dumbly, ripped stockings still around your ankles. 

"And then I can fuck you properly, princesa." 

_

_

_

[san8ny]

STILL GOT IT !

?: While you continue reign over your niche internet kingdom, Ellie finds herself consumed with thoughts of you, you and you! So much so, her fans are staring to notice. Joining your livestream, which she’s been trying to abstain from, you quickly remind her on why you’re so addictive in the first place! / E.W / 18+

!: too lazy to write all warnings but pretty tame when it comes to smut. s

Her heart initially falls to her ass when she sees the plethora of comments underneath her latest video, usual adornment of little heart emojis which now turned into discussions of twitter threads. How had a clipping of her rubbing herself inside a public bathroom stall, the usual shtick before she clocks into a boring 9-5– garner this much negativity? What changed?

“Eh, you don’t seem as passionate after the collab tbhhh”

“lost her touch lmfao”

“does this mean we get another video with you and—

She shuts the laptop closed, unable to further stomach her unsatisfied audience with thoughts running rampant in her mind.

Lost..her touch?

Surely these comments were satirical and just baiting her for another video with you, right? I mean, it’s not like she hasn’t gotten hate comments before, though rare for a small homemade creator like herself, but that was besides the point!

it irked her.

Since when has Ellie ever needed anyone for a platform she grew and built, huh? So what if you had given her the best fucking of her life? Genuinely, what about it? It’s not like she goes to sleep with you on her mind, just to awaken the next morning with her pajama bottoms absolutely drenched because she had the most delicious wet dream about you! That’d be crazy..

She rubs her temples a bit to soothe the pounding of her head, she needed a quick fix to this issue and fast! Opening the device back up, she seeks answers.

⌕ [“How do I get horny again without looking at the hot girl who had sex with me’s page?”]

Holding her breath, she types into the search bar. They do say google holds all the answers.

aaaand..nothing.

God, maybe she was dealing with an original experience? 8 Billion people and all useless.

What if you’ve ruined her to the brink of no-return? She can’t even orgasm anymore on her page without watching you, which makes the climaxes lackluster. She can never go back after you’ve given her a taste of the real thing.

That night, she props her laptop up with you pulled up on the screen. You’re wearing a pretty lingerie set, too pretty of one Ellie thinks. It’s the little fancy-pancy one’s you had in your closet that night you graciously let her stay over. Post-nut delirium, but Ellie could still see you liked lace alot, it being the main choice of material inhabiting your wardrobe.

Hot.

Her eyes scower the screen as donations roll in and as per usual, you thank the viewers with a pristine smile, like you didn’t turn Ellie back into a fuckin’ virgin.

She hasn’t been on one of your streams in a while actually, too caught up with work but now, she really remembers why she use to.

You were a guilty pleasure. Addictive, and Ellie didn’t even have a knack for sweets; you just always managed to pollute her head with the most vile of scenarios she could envision recreating with you and fuck, did she hate herself for it— hated herself for becoming so obsessed with someone who only saw her as a collaborater, a co-worker.

She couldn’t complain however, not with the way you manage to talk everyone through it in your streams in a low shaky voice, and especially, not with the way you capture everyones attention with your movements.

and, like a moth to a flame, Ellie finds herself, unaware, cupping her breasts..kneading the flesh like soft dough through her bleach-stained band tee, relapsing back into a place she thought she wouldn’t want to return to; she can’t help the moans that steadily escape her when you let one of your own out, and God, Ellie might really be the worst person because she hasn’t had this good of a masturbation sesh in forever. It’s been feeling so cold and robotic lately with her trying to appease her few followers, but we know how that turned out.

“Ellie’s in the stream?” You whimper out, reading the explosive chat when you slap the silicone toy messily against your puffy clit, swollen under it’s hood but sitting so pretty like an pearl would on its’s oyster, glistening in both your own liquids. “Hi Els..” Your whiney voice calls her out.

Oh God.

Ellie’s eyes roll back abit when she sees your crinkled eyes, lip pulled in between teeth and your flushed cheeks. She practically punches the ‘Co-Host’ request button with her camera off so only her pathetic pants of your name are heard, “H-hi doll..” She hisses out softly, “You l-look so pretty r’now, ah!..’m sorry haven’t been o-on your—mmh!— streams..”

You giggle at this, and the viewer count doubles in amount. Somehow, the stream becomes what seems like a steamy facetime call between two creators, with the rest of the viewers witnessing and prying in on the salacious moment, “‘s okay..just w-wanna hear your noises, Ellie.” It’s like you knew she couldn’t speak to you without a hand busying itself down there..

The girl groans, dropping her camera inbetween her legs to the echoing sounds of squelching and heaven. Though you couldn’t see her in the dark, 2:30 AM lighting of her bedroom she lounges in, you could feel it. She doesn’t even remember the last time she’d secrete this much arousal without the assistance of lube.

“A-ah, me baby? Gosh, ‘jus wanna watch you f’ a sec. Hear me well?”

You nod, eyebrows furrowing and your eyes growing more heavy when you prop your legs up on the gaming chair, displaying your drenched pelvic area— all so messy and for everyone to see. Mainly the broad on the other end of the stream..

You squeal when you curl your fingers into a specifically spongy spot, lips parting and your head thrown back a bit— you’d long ditched the dildo for something a bit more efficient, something to really capture the moment between you. Strands of hair stick to your forehead when an orgasm arises, and you seem a bit upset for cumming too quickly, not when Ellie has just got here!

Prolonging it a bit, you heave and retreat from your digits, rubbing your thighs imaptiently with your sighs stuttering, all while the other girl slaps at her cunt from what you can hear. Painslut

Ellie looks up back at you when she, herself, feels a tight coil in her stomach beginning to loosen, “B-boutta’ cum, dollface. Cmon..put them back on ‘er. Need my girl to do it with me.”

You nod ever so slightly to her voice, though you cannot see her, the raspiness of her voice takes you to a whole other level, “Ellie..” you cry out when your fingers make contact, it seems to be hitting you harder than usual, hypersensitivity of edging yourself all stream. Is it so wrong her green-eyed gaze trains on you intently while you whine and bitch for her?

The muscles in her abdomen tighten when she particularly notices a dumbed out look on you, saliva seeping past your glossy lips and dribbling to the lacy outfit you had on, rubbing her clit as fast as she can, she eggs you on, “Ah! Ah! J-just there w’you..wanna do it ‘wif you.”

Ellie gasps when your legs twitch uncontrollably, and on-cue, as promised, she meets the point with you— biting her knuckle when she spasms through the waves of orgasmic pleasure.

A few moments go past when Ellie picks her phone camera up to see you’d already went past your donation threshold. She can hear your hiccups, hair all messed up and covering your face— sweet baby..

She quickly ends the live-stream for you, a co-host accessible option you’d enabled incase you couldn’t end it from your own screen.

just to run to her bathroom to clean herself up before heading to your place.

Was she invited? No. Was she likely pushing a boundary? Yes, but, was she going to start a ‘no-aftecare’ streak in her entirety of 23 years? Fuck no.

Whether you liked it or not, she was on her way.

@san8ny: “alr she still got it ig”

[toomiieimagiines]

hihihi

uhm so am i allowed to request again (i don’t wanna spam) 😭😭🙏

and if i am can u pls do a rui x hopeless romantic best friend reader (i’m totally normal about best friends to lovers lmfao)

so like the reader is always yapping about hot guys and it’s a little angsty at first because rui is thinking to himself ‘why did i have to fall inlove with someone that won’t ever choose me’ and then one day a hot guy comes up to reader and asks her out, reader is about to say yes but then she realises that she barely knew him and there was someone (rui) who had been by her side since day one and she figures out who she really loves (RUIII) so she rejects him and when rui asks why she just hugs him and says ‘because your the one i really want’ mwah mwah i feel like such a genius (i really hope this made sense lmao be prepared for a million bestie-> lovers and angst-> fluff rui requests 😼)

thank youyoyoyoyoyuuu!!

hi guys! i’m so so incredibly sorry for how inactive i have been! unfortunately, the fanfic writer curse caught up to me, and i’ve had considerably bad things happen to me! ToT

i had developed a really bad addiction after a recent episode - which may be why i’ve loved to write my characters so miserable, but they get a happy ending in the end - and have recently relapsed after a couple months. i’ve also been struggling with a lot of things, like being bullied again, pressure from theater, classes, autism, parental issues, memory of past trauma, having no friends, things like that. i’ve just been having a really hard time, so writing has been super difficult for me. i’m currently having some of the worst mental health in my life, and am un-recovering from other things i’ve had in the past too, after seeing the results of my recovery. sorry if this triggered anybody, i just needed to get this off my chest, and felt also that i should explain where i have been. you all supporting me has kept me going, and i hope you enjoy this one too! LETS END THE PITY PARTY!!!

in other - not so depressing news - here you guys go!! sorry for OOCness, obviously this is a more dramatic approach to a story! happy ending, j tried to write the inner narration differently for how you two were feeling at the time.. and ty once again for such a great idea, mama ^3^

“I don’t think I could stand to be where you don’t see me.”

If he has to sit here and listen to this one more time, he thinks he’ll go insane.

Rui Kamishiro loves you. He truly does. You’re his best friend, his partner in crime, his-

Never mind.

Rui loves you, but he absolutely HATES your taste in guys, and it’s driving him nuts. Nodding and agreeing can only get him so far before he wants to rip his own hair out, and tonight is no exception.

“I give up! All boys are dumb, I don’t need them!” You lament, resting your chin in your hands. It’s the same song and dance over and over. You swear off boys, you get attention, you get sucked in, and he has to pick up the pieces when it inevitably fails. How many times has he thought about how much better he would treat you now? He doesn’t know. He’d be a classical lover, he’d never speak to you the way those stupid unprincipled high school boys do.

Gross. That’s his best friend, why’d he think that? And when did he start being so self confident? He really outta look at himself in the mirror. What an egomaniac he’s turning out to be.

He shakes his head.

“You do know I’m still a boy, right?” He prods, trying to cheer you up. He knows this situation well, and he knows exactly how to make you feel better. Again he’d pull you out of this, and again he’d watch you fall in love.

He wishes you could be happy. He wishes you weren’t in love with being in love. You’re too pure for true love, love is disgusting, depraved, and unkind. You’re not anything like that.

“I know, I know, but you’re the only good one!” You point, words self-assured. “I don’t need a boyfriend, you do everything boyfriendy for me anyway!”

Ouch. Thanks a lot, that’s exactly what he needed to hear right now. He’s not gonna dwell on that last bit for now, he’ll wait until he’s home. Then he can- he doesn’t know. Cry, or something juvenile like that.

“So I’m back-up-boyfriend?” He masks himself in jest, smiling teasingly at you.

“Eh, maybe,” you snicker, “you’d definitely be cute if you weren’t my friend.”

He turns to his school work sharply, trying to mask his complete and utter despair. Ugh, why does he have to be so dramatic? His own personality makes his skin crawl with disgust and hatred, and that only makes him cringe more. He could think about how obnoxious he is all day. Maybe he should use that go home and cry pass early. He pretends to check the time, as if that isn’t all he’s been doing.

“It’s getting late, after this problem I should get going.” He mutters, scribbling some random numbers into his notebook. You yawn in response, being broken out of absentmindedly scrolling through your phone.

“Ugh, I wish you didn’t have to go!” You drape an arm over his torso, trying to hold him in. He smiles fondly, wrestling to get you off of him.

“I’d have to walk home in the dark then, do you want that?” He knows you’d never let him, and he sees it immediately.

Your face looks knowing, and you let him go right away. It amuses him at first, but quickly fills him with overwhelming pity. You’re so kindhearted it makes him sick. You shouldn’t worry about someone like him, it’s bad for your health.

“Would you like me to walk home with you?!” You shoot up, the idea of him not being safe running through your head. Maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut. How emasculating! He’s not a helpless young girl! He’s just as manly as those boys who you long for, he’s not a puppy to be walked!

God, is jealously turning him into a bigot? He shakes his head once again, this time not just to clear his thoughts. He’s absolutely not letting you walk him home, it’d be mortifying. He takes your attention belly up, you should have a break. Maybe some time to yourself for a change? God, Rui, get a grip.

“I’m fine, I don’t want you out late by yourself either,” he assures, looking at you in haste.

“Ah. You have a point.”

“I always do.” He means more to that, and he wishes he could tell you. He wants you to see that even he knows what he’s talking about. He needs you to see him, just for once. Not as a best friend, or backup boyfriend, just as a regular one. As a lover who dances in the rain, or ties your shoes

He needs to stop. He shouldn’t think about you like that. It’s lecherous.

You two exchange goodbyes, giving him a long hug (much to his horror). He hates how feverish it is it hold you like this, it makes him feel guilty. His body gets hot, his cheeks flare up, his throat feels tight- it makes him feel like a pervert, even if his thoughts are the farthest thing from lewd.

He feels that everything he thinks about you is repulsive, though.

“Be safe”’s and “See you later”’s are passed between you two, and he walks down your front steps, now completely alone. His eyes scan the damp pavement, seeing the golden hues from the sky light the boring rock. That’s how he feels about you, he decides. You’re the sun, and he’s the pavement. He humors himself by thinking that your suitors are the clouds, stopping you from shining your light for him so he can grow weeds in the cracks of his soul. That’s what these feelings are. Weeds.

He wants to live life beautifully with you, he decides. He wants to tie your shoes, he wants to twirl you as you dance.

He wishes he could be the moon. Something of consequence- of importance, but he’s just the pavement. Not the earth, not the stars, not the clouds, or rain, he’s just a man made monster who destroys nature - you - and is walked over by people who do matter.

He should quit being this way, he grumbles, it doesn’t do anybody any good to be so flowery. He’s too girly- too weak. Maybe that’s why you don’t like him. If you’re willing to date anything that moves other than him, that must mean he’s on a completely new level, huh?

That’s what dreaming gets you, Rui. Crushed dreams and embarrassment.

He lets out a pitiful sigh, kicking a pebble with his shoe. He sees a worm in a lawn which reminds him of himself, he sees a couple shopping for a new game which reminds him of you, he sees a convenience store which reminds him that he’s hungry-

His life can be so mundane sometimes, what a drag.

He’s about to reach his front door, when he steps into a puddle. It feels like an appropriate representation of his life right now. A sense of disgraceful hilarity washes over him, and he begins to laugh. He laughs a while, he laughs as he takes his shoes off, he laughs as he peels his button up down, and he laughs as he lays in his bed. How dramatic he could be some times!

He falls asleep quickly. He has a dream about being on stage and forgetting his lines.

He wakes up with a thud, he fell out of bed. How embarrassing. He decides to check his phone.

Weirdo: RUII

Weirdo: wanna hang w me 2day?? u don’t have dance time right??

Weirdo: gonna kill you. WAKE UP

Me: I’m awake, sorry!

Weirdo: finally sleeping beauty

Weirdo: wanna get a snack? i’m simply starved…

Me: When?

Weirdo: an hr maybe…

Me: Okay :) I’ll tell you when I leave.

Weirdo: kay!!

He really doesn’t feel like being social today, but he’d never pass up an opportunity to see you. He’s an obscene degenerate when it comes to you, pouncing on your attention like a sick dog. It’s mortifyingly pathetic.

He gets dressed, throwing on a boring striped sweater. It’s getting colder outside recently, and he’s always ran cold anyway. His hands are shaky and nervous as he brushes his teeth, the anxiousness to see you making his body jittery. He considers breakfast, but quickly shuts the idea down. He doesn’t want to be stressed out - at least more than he already is - when he sees you. Twitchy hands lock his door, and he gets a few feet away before he double checks that he did, in fact, lock it. Pull yourself together, Rui! He screams at himself.

The walk is just as unexciting as he expected, albeit a bit chilly. He’s feeling thankful for the sweater. The breeze runs its hands through his hair, and he’s reminded that winter is coming. He always liked Autumn flowers the best, hibiscus flowers are pretty too, he supposes. It’s nice to have the warmth of the sun soothing his cold hands during summer, for sure.

He trips over a rock on the way, and his pants get wet on the knees. Khaki blends into an ugly brown, and he sighs. How unlucky, would anything go right for him today?

Turns out it will, you look really good today.

You great him at the door, practically buzzing with eagerness. It makes him smile, knowing that you do, in fact, want to see him. Or at least are acting like it. You’re a good friend to him, he’s lucky to have you.

“Rui!” You hug him as a greeting, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist. His heart soothes, eyes closing in relaxation. Problems feel obscure and distant when you two are like this, despite his reluctance last night. He can forget about corrupt feelings - or misguided love- and he can just be your best friend. Despite his apprehension to be cared for, he is flattered that you, at least, seem to like him.

“Hey.” He breaths you in, his voice soft. He hopes you don’t notice, it’s embarrassing.

“Hey!” You reply, pulling away. “Big things planned, Rui!”

“What big things?” He asks, amused. “Big things” for you were junk food and shopping.

“Big things! It’s a surprise!” You put your shoes on, and he can’t help but feel jealous as he watches your hands tie them dutifully. He sighs, stretching. He decides to make it a challenge to act normal the whole day. No weird thoughts are going to beguile his mind, he promises himself.

You lock your front door, twisting the knob to make sure that it did, in fact, lock. This fills him with a child-like sense of delight, maybe you two really were similar.

Nah, not possible. You’re too pure - too perfect. Ugh, Rui, no more stupid thoughts.

He watches you check the time, make a face at a nearby bird, and cover your cheeks with your hands. You suddenly perk up, wrapping your arms around him.

“Warm me up, will ya?” You scowl at the cool air, grip tightening. He gulps. It’s weird he reacts like this, considering you two have done things like this all the time. It’s normal, so why does he have to be such a creep? His arms wrap around yours, running his hands up and down to create heat.

“Should’ve worn a jacket,” he chides, “wouldn’t be cold, y’know?” His voice is so casual, like everything is totally fine. It is fine. Fine, fine, fine.

“Gotta look good. I’m on the hunt, obviously,” you joke. It isn’t funny to him, but he lets out a laugh.

“You’re hopeless.”

You two stop at a convenience store first, and you all but sprint to the drinks. He had this ritual down to a science. You grab two different color slushies, and he grabs whatever odd snack catches your collective stomachs eye today. Today the two of you decide to split a cookie, and walk to the counter. The cashier gives you a smirk, and he averts his eyes.

“This it?” The boy cocks his head, and you get the memo. You immediately jump on the opportunity.

“Mhm!” You wink, resting your chin in your hands while leaning against the counter. In all honestly, he wasn’t even that cute. At least, that’s what Rui kept telling himself.

“Don’t worry about it, than. I got you guys,” he waves you off. Score! You think, but he adds. “If I can get your number.” Rui feels like falling into the floor, how awkward! You just scribble it onto a stray receipt, winking.

“Thank you! You’re the sweetest!!” You singsong, skipping along with Rui following suite. You immediately burst into laughter, throwing a fake punch at Rui. “What a weirdo! Like I’d call him over what, 1000 yen?! I don’t even know him, yuck!”

So you did have some sense, he feels like letting out a sigh of relief. You hold your hands out.

“Which one do you want? I got your favorite!!” You look so proud, and he wants to laugh. His “favorite” isn’t actually his favorite, but he’d never tell you that.

The lie started one day in middle school, when the two of you suddenly had a weird craving for slushies. When you picked them out, you had gotten a red one and a blue one, and asked him what he wanted. While he really didn’t like red, he knew you liked blue, so he said red. Now for the past four years, you’ve always ended up getting him a red one, thinking it was his favorite. He’ll deal with it for you. Seeing your blue tongue stick out with brain freeze is better than any sugary drink anyway.

“Red, duh.” He scoffs playfully, taking a sip of it. The taste doesn’t really bother him all that much anymore. It reminds him of you.

You always let him divide the snacks, thinking he gives himself the bigger half. He never does, but he eats slower so you think he did. You skip along, enjoying it.

“Y’know, this isn’t bad. Wish they had the brownie, though. That never does us wrong.” God, don’t make him think of the ‘crack brownies’ - as you two call them. Those are great, and he likes them, so you never miss an opportunity to shove them down his throat.

“Don’t complain. Remember the egg roll incident?” He points, laughing at the memory. You two steer clear of that section now, having gotten sick.

“Ugh, I haven’t thought about that in a while! I’m never eating an egg roll again after that day! Ugh,” you gag.

Moments of silly memories like this make him feel like he’s known you forever. He can’t even remember a moment where he hasn’t loved you.

“Where’re we going now, commander?” He salutes, following the trail of sunshine you left behind.

“Where ever the wind blows us, kind sir!” You salute back, pushing him along. Your constant checks of your phone don’t go unnoticed by him, and he fights the urge to roll his eyes.

“Who’re you texting? Don’t tell me it’s that guy.” He tries to sound casual, knocking his shoulder against yours playfully.

“‘M not a total idiot, I’ll have you know!” You huff, holding your phone to your chest. “It’s just somebody we went to school with a while back, ‘m seeing if I can pull the moves.”

“Do I know him?”

“Dunno, never saw you two talking, so maybe not. He was in my english class, remember, the only class we didn’t have together?”

“Ah.”

You two walk in silence, except for when he yanks you back from the collar so you don’t walk into oncoming traffic, which amuses you greatly. You two soon arrive at the small mall, and he tails you as you run with excitement. You two browse everything, constantly pointing out cute plushies, or interesting keychains.

“Rui, look! Look!” You shake him, pointing to the back of somebody’s head inconspicuously. “Wait don’t yet- Okay, now! He’s turning around! That’s the guy! What a coincidence we see him here, right? Do you recognize him?”

Ha. Yeah, he knows this guy. He definitely knows him. He’s the one who would trip him during passing periods, he’s the one who left flowers on his desk. They make eye contact, and it’s like all of his growth left his body. He’s just the same freak from middle school, he’s still thirteen.

He shudders at the guys smirk, sensing that he definitely knows that Rui knows him. He jogs over to the two of you, and Rui already knows what’s about to happen, due to the lopsided smile on your face.

Damnit, this is the first time he doesn’t think he can act like it’s okay.

“Oh wow, what a coincidence! Must be fate we run into each other like this, ehe…” You giggle awkwardly, a dumb expression gracing your face. It’s painful seeing you that way for anybody other than him, and he looks away awkwardly.

“Must be.” He answers, swaggering closer towards you. Rui thanks whatever God above because - despite his current situation - at least this asshole didn’t go to highschool with you guys.

He looks down at his shoes, and tries to shuffle away, knowing this jackass is about to say something. He’s quickly stopped.

“Who’s this, huh? Feel like a recognize him from somewhere…” He trails off, smirking through his nose as he turns his attention to him. “Have we met before?”

“This is Kamishiro Rui, he’s my friend! He went to middle school with us, remember?” You happily answer for him.

Ha, friend? What happened to back-up boyfriend? He’s a little hurt, to be honest.

He feels bitter, it’s unbecoming- God, he doesn’t care. He should feel bad for getting so angry over it, it’s not like you belong to him. He’s such a freak, getting attached to you like this.

He starts to pick at his fingers, then he plays with a loose string on his sweater. You two continue to chat like nothings wrong, and he keeps thinking. It’s something he’s gotten good at recently.

He stops feeling bad about himself for a second- a split second where he resents you, and wishes his pain upon you. Wants you to know what it’s like to be so disgustingly, guiltily, revoltingly obsessed with someone. In this split second, he can’t even find it in himself to feel guilty about it, which is unlike him. He wishes you felt love like this, that you were as psychotic about it.

But this doesn’t last long, because he remembers that he loves you more than anything. He’s lucky to be your friend. You’re a great friend, you’re an amazing person, you’re the sun, the sun, the sun.

He’s the pavement, he has to remember.

“I’m- I’ll leave you to it, y’know? Fabric store.” He stutters, choking on his voice. You don’t even notice, waving him off.

You do, however, remember to press his shoulder, uttering an absentminded “Okay, Rui, bye,” and he remembers again how perfect you are for doing it subconsciously. He lets himself feel the touch, long after he’s walked away. He deserves it after the trouble he’s reliving.

When he makes it to the fabric store - which he really didn’t need anything from, Nene had gotten some the other day - he can’t help himself from wishing he could just go home. Malls were always overwhelming already, and now his saving grace has the attention of another man. He walks through aisles, but realizes that he now has to buy something.

‘Least he knows that social cue, he laughs bitterly, running his hands across his face in frustration. He’s so ridiculous.

Meanwhile, you were chatting up a storm. It was your first time talking in person since middle school, after all! You feel giddy for a while, but it cuts abruptly. You feel a strange sense of urgency, something’s missing.

Oh, your best friend.

But where had he gone? You’re sure he was just here. You smile apologetically at the cute boy, putting on your best performance.

“Oh, I better go get my friend now. I don’t like walking home when it’s late. Was nice seein’ you, let’s hang out soon, ‘kay?” You singsong, stepping closer. You want to give yourself a pat on the back, you’re so cute.

He rolls his eyes, and you’re hit with a wave of uneasiness. That noise he made sounds strangely dismissive, he’s not the kind of guy to be a jerk though, you must be hearing things-

“Leave ‘im. Between you and me, he was a total freak in middle school. Probably is now, too. Probably likes you or somethin’, total nutcase.” His voice sounds so casual, like it’s not the douchiest thing you’ve heard all day.

You let other men walk all over you, sure. You let them cheat on you, lie, whatever. But you’re not about to stand here and insult Rui. He’s the only untouched thing in your life - the only person who isn’t cruel. He’s so gangly and awkward, but in the best way. You could live a million times and not be able to deserve him, at least you think so. He’s so unusual, and that’s what you love most about him. Little things like not liking loud lights, or liking the red slushies the best, make your heart buzzy with familiarity. He’s the one constant in your life.

You’ve been awfully worried about him recently, though. His particularly (as you like to call it) has gone to the an extreme, and it’s been a battle getting him to eat real food. You’re not blind, you see the way he’s been spacing out, or tapping a little too much. You just thought he’d been overwhelmed. He worries you to death sometimes, but despite all of his own struggles, he always seems to not care about it, deciding to always be there for you instead. Ah, he’s just such an amazing guy - no, not guy, he’s not anything like those other boys you talk to. He’d never insult someone like that. He’s not just a guy, he’s like your person.

Yeah, he’s definitely your person.

Your heart sputters at the thought, and you feel something you’ve never really felt before - save for hugs between the two of you that lasted just a second too long, or words a little too romantic. The feeling makes your mind fuzzy, and your heart hurt terribly with something you could only place as homesickness.

Oh.

“I,” you begin, backing away. “Yeah, I’m sorry but I’ll really be going now-“

“What? C’mon I was just messing with you, even though having guy friend’s kinda weird.” He rolls his eyes.

“Yeah whatever, I’ll call you back,” you say dismissively.

You’re totally lying, you laugh, you’re not calling him back.

He didn’t seem to like that.

“Damn, can’t even joke around with you people. Whatever, weirdo, sorry I insulted your little boyfriend.” The change in tone amuses you.

Yeah, good riddance, pal.

You turn away, walking through the mall with pace. It takes a while, but you spot him watching a pet stores aquarium.

He’s a funny one.

You wave your hands, trying to get his attention. He swallows, knowing that it’s probably to ask him if it’s cool to walk home by himself. Emotions are stupid, and ironically, you both think that at the same time.

“Rui! Rui! Hey c’mon, let’s go home, yeah?” You smile, face feeling warm. It’s a different feeling from when you usually talk to him. He looks at you, a little shocked. He had assumed you were smiling wide because you set up a date, so he turns his head.

“Where is he, huh?” He looks away, back to the fish tank. You shift in place, was he mad at you? You’re a little irritated at the mention of the guy, though, and huff.

“Don’t worry about that. Seems like I only attract douchebags, so I decided to go.” You explain, poking his shoulder. “Hey,” you start, “let’s just walk home, I wanna talk to you about something.” The idea makes you feel dizzy, but you’ll have to illustrate your feelings one day.

You can leave out the “I think I’m in love with you” part, you think.

The two of you walk in an excruciating silence, staring down at the reflection of the setting sun in the puddles. His heart tightens, remembering his earlier comparison. Even now, you’re so perfect. Even if he’s frustrated with you - despite you turning down the guy in the end (he doesn’t know why, he wanted to ask) - even if he’s ready to scream, and cry, and ask you what it is he did for you to be so turned off by him, he still thinks you’re the most heavenly, divine person to ever grace his view. He wants to be where you see him, he wants to be in your orbit.

“You’re like the sun-“ He blurts out, immediately regretting it. He didn’t mean to say that, God, he’s so fucking stupid. He sees you stop walking, smiling that same stupid, dopey, lopsided smile that he’s always so jealous of-

Oh. It’s for him.

He chokes, stopping to meet you eye-to-eye. You look up at him too, laughing giddily.

“What does that mean?”

He sputters, stepping away. “N-no it’s nothing- It was stupid anyway so-“

“No, tell me!” You urge, laughing a little harder. “What if it was something bad, ‘nd you were making fun of me? That’s not nice, Rui!”

“I- Hey-“ His voice goes a touch higher, a defensive tone rising. “That’s not-“

“Then tell me.”

“It’s just,” he breaths, trying to word it in the least creepy way possible. How does convey the fact that he sees you as a divine presence, that he sees himself as a worthless creature compared to you, without sounding like he’s hopelessly possessed by love for you? “I just- you’re so amazing,” he starts, “I thought of this stupid thing the other day when I was walking home - you know how I am - and well, I just thought of you when the sun reflected off the pavement - since it rained, y’know? - and well, it just- Sorry, it was dumb-“ He rambles, covering his face in anguish.

Nobody’s ever put that much thought into you. Sure, you’ve received a few ‘You’re so gorgeous’’s, where you’ve had to wonder where they learnt such a “big word”, but never something as poetic as that. The usual Rui-ratic explanation endeared you to him even more. You look at him, the smile never leaving. He’s just… so Rui. His stupid striped sweater, his half up hair - that you’d begged him to grow out - his eyes, whatever. Everything about him you treasure, and little do you know he cherished you even that more intensely.

“I think you’re the moon, Rui. Or maybe the earth, since I take care of you, hah!” You snicker, stepping closer to him. He takes a step back in return, and you grab his hands to make him stay put. His heart throbs, and he almost goes crashing down.

“I.. I don’t-“

You yank his hands, making him look back up at you. “Hey, Rui, I,” you look at him assuringly, “I wanna say something, and you can’t laugh okay?”

He holds his breath, so do you.

Fuck it, just tell him.

“I think I’m in love with you, Rui.” You gaze at him, the words shooting out faster than you can second guess them.

“I don’t-“ He breaks away, his fists balling up. You messed up, you think, you really, really messed up. “I’m not- I’m not going to- You can’t just say that because you got rejected. I- It wouldn’t be nice to- You don’t love me-“

“Rui,” you beg, grabbing his arm again, “holding hands on the way to school, cuddling while doing homework, knowing everything about eachother, these aren’t-“ You breath, “I’ve wanted somebody to love me for so long, Rui, and I was so blind to the fact that I was loved. But the love that I felt for you, - that I feel for you - Rui, isn’t the kind where I can be- where I can just be so- so normal about those things!” You monologue, saying whatever’s on your mind. You’re the rambling one now.

“I found myself comparing you to these piece-of-garbage dude’s I’m always with, wishing I could just date somebody like you instead! But now I realize that it is you-“

His heart falls into his gut, and he breaks free from you again. His hands move to his face, covering his eyes. His voice is broken and cracky as he begins to cry. “That was- you-“ He pulls you into a desperate embrace, arms holding you like you’ll disappear. “You shouldn’t, you’re wrong.” He sobs, “I’m- the way I love you is- You don’t understand, the way I feel isn’t normal I- My love is disgusting, and horrible, and depraved-“ He shakes, you rub his back. “You are so perfect compared to me, I’d never be able to- I love you so much, more than friends are supposed to, more than anyone’s supposed to at our age-“

“Rui, hey Rui please don’t cry.” You beg, smoothing out the ridges in his sweater. “I don’t- I don’t agree with that, and I can scream that at you, but I’m sure you won’t believe me. You’re not disgusting for feeling emotions different, Rui that’s what I love about you.”

“Stop- stop saying my name like that. It’s too hard to-“

“Rui, I love you. You don’t need to accept it, but I love you. More than being in love, more than being loved-“

“I love you, too,” his voice cracks, “that’s why I’m so scared. I don’t want to ruin a friendship that’s all I have, if this is just- I’m scared I’d lose you in any way, and I can’t live in a world where you don’t see me. I won’t. It’s sounds horrible but-“ He stops as you pull away from the hug, and wipes his face hastily. You put your pinky out, and his stomach drops again.

“C’mon, just like when we were kids. Pinky promise that no matter what, we’ll always see each other. That way you don’t need to worry anymore, y’know? I never break my kissy pinky promises, ever.”

Just like when you two were little.

He locks his with yours, just like you taught him all those years ago. He remembers your shared handshake for theater, he remembers your shared handshake for testing, and he remembers the song you two had to duet for choir - when you have forced him into it for a year. He holds everything of you so dear to his heart, you endear everything about him to you as well.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“I see you.”

“I see you, too.”

You two kiss your hands, then bring them down, still interlinked. You stare at him, and he stares back at you. In a moment of profound sincerity, you lean forward, and kiss him. It’s slow and gentle, and you unlock your hands half way through to hold his face, which he mirrors. His heart settles for the first time. You see him. He’s your moon, your earth, you’re his sun, his stars.

He’s suddenly alarmed by a quick pushing off of him, gasping out a “Rui!”

“I-“ he pants, wiping his mouth. “Hm?”

“we’re in the middle of a park!”

[jeonqkooks]

our beloved summer | jjk (07)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, mentions of oc's mother because we know girlie is hella traumatized, mentions of drinking, mentions of an almost physical fight, abandonment issues, jk forgets to practice safe driving for 2 seconds, and uhmmm kissing 🤫, anddd that cliffhanger? 👀 rating: 18+ (minors dni) word count: 10.8k note (1): this is the longest it has taken me to update obs and i do feel pretty guilty about that. but it's finally here now and this is one of the chapters that i'm the most nervous about posting. massive thanks to @daechwitatamic and @/wintaerbaer (edited 2024: crossed out but not removed bc even tho she plagiarized obs afterward, she did beta this for me so i guess i still gotta give her that lmfao) for beta-ing this for me or else i would've screamed cried thrown up and scrapped the whole thing, and to @jeonwiixard for being a wonderful cheerleader as i was writing this, and to everyone in my beloved obs discord server for always being so sweet and kind and putting a smile on my smile every day since the server was created. also to my sunshine ☀︎ for introducing me to the song mentioned below bc HELLO is it not just one of the most obs coded songs ever. love you all my babies <3

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist join our OBS discord server ✨

as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

Somewhere in the multiverse There's a me and you that works We never fuck it up We're out there still in love Somewhere in the multiverse Maybe that's enough

multiverse - Maya Manuele ft. PEMRBOKE

Sometimes, whenever you look up at the moon at night, you wonder if Jungkook is doing the same thing.

Even when you fall out of love with someone, it still hurts. It hurts because you once loved them so much it felt like the sky would collapse if you couldn’t be with them. It hurts because the love wasn’t taken from you, but rather it started slipping away on its own, more and more each day until you realize you’re holding onto nothing when there once was everything.

You can’t say that you’re too familiar with that kind of hurt though. You’ve never fallen out of love before.

You don’t think Jungkook is too familiar with it either, at least not when he left you.

You wonder if he thinks about you from time to time and gets sad. You think he does, because you know that he loved you. Something ended for him too. The memories that you shared were his memories too.

You hope that it’s painful for him whenever thoughts of you cross his mind, because that would mean that he cares. That a part of him still cares.

And if he still cares, then he might come back.

Despite the front that you try to parade around, there is a part of you that will always leave your heart vacant for him, regardless of whether or not he would return. It’s a scary thought, one that you would rather avoid at all costs, one that says there will be no one that you love more than you loved Jungkook. Maybe there can’t be another person that you will love at all.

You can come back quietly, like the wind slipping through the crack I leave in the window at night; or you can announce your return resoundingly like a sudden downpour quenching the summer heat. I don’t care. I kept your side of the bed empty and warm, waiting for you to come back. Hoping that you would come home.

[08:47] Yoongi: sure you don’t want me to drive you there? [08:48] Yoongi: i can pick you up in 30 [08:52] You: positive 🤧 i told you i already booked the train. it’s only 4 hours away [08:53] You: i’ll survive, yoongs [08:55] Yoongi: did you not watch Train To Busan? [08:56] You: ? [08:57] Yoongi: what if there’s a zombie apocalypse [09:00] You: yoongi if there’s a zombie apocalypse, how is your CONVERTIBLE supposed to keep me safe [09:01] Yoongi: i’ll put the roof up [09:02] You: stop talking [09:02] You: please stop talking. [09:03] Yoongi: 😡😡😡 [09:03] You: 😇 [09:03] You: gotta get dressed now though. i’ll see u when i get back? :) [09:05] Yoongi: fine [09:06] Yoongi: safe travels. text me when you get there :)

You plop onto your bed with a sigh, glancing at the bag that’s already packed and sitting near your wardrobe, lonely. You stay like that for a while, contemplating whether or not you should bail at the very last minute.

It was not on your bingo card that you’d be here, agonizing over your ex-boyfriend’s brother’s wedding. Nope. Absolutely no one saw it coming.

For fuck’s sake, why would they invite you to a wedding? A celebration of love? It feels like you’re being forced onto a prank show, just waiting for someone to jump out and scream in your face.

You learned that the wedding was for close friends and family only, so it would be a relatively small event, which makes it even more confusing why you were also asked to join. Maybe the world is changing too rapidly and you’re just a little old-fashioned for it, but you really don’t understand why your ex-boyfriend’s family would want you there.

Taehyung and Jimin were invited too; they’re Jungkook’s best friends after all. They’re practically an extension of the family, Jungkook’s brothers by choice. But Taehyung doesn’t come back from his work trip until the day of the wedding, and Jimin… Well, he just doesn’t want to go to a Busan wedding in the middle of winter.

So why are you even going?

You could’ve declined. Said you couldn’t attend because the invitation came in so late. Made up a work trip or a family emergency. There’s a plethora of excuses you could’ve used.

Or you could’ve simply said no. That would’ve been perfectly fine too. No one would even need to ask why.

But maybe it was because his mother had customized the invite with her own handwriting in the back. You would’ve missed it if you hadn’t spent hours meticulously studying the card like someone was going to quiz you. It wasn’t anything special - just We hope to see you there - but you think you’d feel really bad to decline after she’d made the extra effort to ask you to come.

When you told Yoongi that you would be attending Jungkook’s brother’s wedding, he didn’t seem upset. Still cool as a cucumber. Although if he was bothered by the announcement, you don’t think he would’ve let it show. It did take him a minute to take it in, but then he just pecked your cheek and asked if you could bring a plus-one. You both knew that you wouldn’t even if that was an option.

Pushing your body off the bed, you drag yourself to the bathroom to splash some water on your face. Then sunscreen. Then change into the clothes you’d already picked out last night. Your train doesn’t leave for another hour and fifteen minutes, but you want to be there at least twenty minutes early just in case. This is one of your only good habits.

You rub your eyes when you finally haul yourself outside, thinking you must still be dreaming because what is Jungkook’s car doing here?

You blink a few times, expecting the vehicle to disappear in a puff of white smoke.

Spoiler alert: It doesn’t.

The car is in front of you, but the man is nowhere to be found.

You stand there dumbfoundedly, contemplating whether you should wait it out for a little bit to see if he’s actually here. He comes running up to you a couple minutes later, holding two paper cups in his hands, one of them a chai latte. A memory you’d buried long ago comes rushing to the surface. It’s too early for you to be feeling.

“Hi,” he says, his warm breath coming out in a huff of smoke in the crisp morning air.

“Hi?” you mutter dumbly when he trades the bag in your hand for the drink. There’s a moment where you’re genuinely baffled, wondering if this is a memory reel playing right before your eyes. This is your Jungkook, wearing that same old smile whenever he used to come bounding up your dorm building so you could walk to the library together, where he would hang out with you during your shift if he didn’t have classes. “What are you doing here?”

You don’t remember telling him what time your train was, so he’d probably badgered it out of Taehyung or Jimin somehow.

“I thought I could drive us there,” he says. “I texted you about it.”

Well, that explains it. You don’t bother with his dozens of messages anymore. “Oh, uhm, I already booked the train.”

This doesn’t seem to faze him at all. “Free cancellation up to 15 minutes before departure.” Jungkook grins, clearly eager despite your obvious reluctance. It’s too early for this, whatever the hell this is.

When you told him that you had RSVP’d yes to the invitation, he was surprised that you even knew about the wedding. He even seemed nervous that day.

“What if I’d already left?” you ask.

He blinks, then stammers like a confused child. It’s cute, and you have to mentally slap yourself over the head for even thinking that.

“Then I’d go after you.”

How? you scoff internally. Unrealistic.

Regardless, not even an hour ago, you were declining Yoongi’s offer to drive you there. Now, you’re standing here, in front of your ex-boyfriend, contemplating whether or not you should go with him.

“Let’s go,” he says after a minute. “We don’t wanna be stuck in traffic.”

“I haven’t said yes.” Yet. “It’s a 4-hour drive.”

You don’t have to clarify what you mean. He understands it.

You both just stare at each other for a moment, the tension suddenly thickening with every passing second. Four hours on the road. Four hours alone in a car with Jungkook. That’s about two hundred minutes more than you think you can handle.

It’s like he can see right through you. “Don’t think about it,” he says, voice dropping lower. “It’s just a weekend. Everything will still be here for you to think about when we get back.”

In your head, it translates to: All of our shit will still be here when we get back. You can keep being mad at me then.

You hope that’s not true. You hope that when you get back, the things that keep you up at night will simply cease to exist. That in the two days you’ll be gone, a genie will materialize and solve all your problems for you.

Either way, it’s probably for the best that you aren’t mean to him this weekend. You’re stuck with him for the next 48 hours or so; it’ll only stress you out even more if you channel all of your energy into tormenting him. Besides, you’re already the ex girlfriend who has no place alongside his family. You don’t want to be the dark cloud raining on everyone’s parade too.

Maybe you’d already made up your mind when you let him take the bag from you.

For the first half of the drive, you were unconscious.

It’s a useless superpower that you have, the ability to fall asleep anywhere - literally anywhere, including in the passenger seat of your ex-boyfriend’s car while he escorts you to his hometown. Melatonin gummies manufacturers hate you.

You could’ve slept the whole drive, but around the second hour mark, you were startled awake when your body jostled forward, straining against your seatbelt uncomfortably. There was an arm trying to hold you back, despite the seatbelt having done its job well.

“Fuck,” Jungkook curses before he turns toward you, worry written all over his face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, are you okay?”

You blink, still half asleep. “I’m okay,” you say. The minivan that Jungkook almost rear-ended continues on its merry way, carrying what seems to be a family of five. “What happened?”

He sighs, his outstretched arm retreating back to his side. “I got a bit distracted, that’s all.”

You take in your surroundings then. There’s barely any other cars in sight, no tacky billboard that sticks out like a sore thumb to catch your attention. There’s just the freeway, stretching on empty for all you can see.

“By what?” you ask.

“Nothing,” he says. “Go back to sleep. I’ll wake you when we get there.”

See, you have the superpower of falling asleep anywhere and everywhere, but once you’ve been woken up, it’s not as easy to fall back asleep.

That, and the fact that you’re hungry as shit.

You open your mouth, about to say no, about to offer to drive the rest of the way if Jungkook is tired, but your stomach doesn’t let you get a word out. It growls, filling the space of the car, making you want to chuck yourself out the fucking window and run all the way back to the city. This wouldn’t have happened had you taken the train, because if you had, there would’ve been food services and no one would be subject to hearing your stomach sing like it’s chewing out a small puppy in there. Life is nothing but an endless pit of embarrassment and despair.

Your arms hold themselves tighter around your frame, practically squeezing into your abdomen as you will it to please, please, please be quiet. Jungkook stares at you, and you can tell by the teeny tiny quirk of his lips that he’s trying to bite back a smile. He’s relaxed, but there’s still something hesitant on his face. It takes him a minute before he finally throws the question out.

“Do you want to go to that guksu place that we used-” that we used to go to, “you know the place. The one that’s right off the freeway?”

The sun is out today. The sky unfolds endlessly just outside the window, coloring blue everything your eyes land on. There are strips of clouds scattered here and there, like delicate strokes of white paint on an azure canvas. Even the winter cold has to soften.You bite into your cheek. Don’t think, that’s what he had told you.

Not much about this quaint restaurant has changed. The quirky decorations are still where they used to be, the windows still the same unique stained glass that you never came across anywhere else. You remember the elderly woman who runs the place, even if she doesn’t have a single clue who you are. The golden retriever you used to fawn over every time you stopped by, sits quietly by the door and watches the cars pass by, his fur now graying as weariness begins to settle into those old bones.

You would’ve been displeased if the place had changed, because, well, you don’t like change. But then again, this familiarity is dangerous. It tricks you into thinking that everything is still the same, even you and him. Deludes you into believing that you’re still in love and that he’ll walk out of here holding your hand.

Regardless, the first spoonful has you biting back a smile.

“How is it?” Jungkook asks.

It makes you feel all warm inside, and then a little sad, nostalgic.

“Tastes just the same,” you tell him simply.

“Hmm.”

He lets you satisfy your hunger in peace. It’s the least he can do anyway.

There’s a wall near the back of the restaurant, where people could hang polaroids of themselves and cute handwritten notes. You think if you dig through the hundreds of photos scattered across the space, you might be able to find you and Jungkook there, if you two haven’t already been thrown out long ago to make room for new memories.

He pays for your food after you’re both finished, despite some protesting on your side. As you leave, you’re busy thinking that if you could have a moment to marvel at that far-back wall of memories, if you could find a photo of you and him there, you would probably sneak it into your coat pocket.

It’d be another thing to add to your pile of Jungkook memorabilia - the old clothes in the back of your closet, the stack of dusty polaroids at the bottom of your drawer. You wonder if he keeps anything of yours, maybe an old t-shirt that you forgot to take back. It’s probably unlikely, but a girl can hope.

You miss the way Jungkook glances back, thinking the exact same thing.

You survive the rest of the drive with more ease, probably because of the food. You spend most of the remaining 2 hours leaning against the window, humming to the radio, closing your eyes but not really sleeping. You even forget to be nervous about what is to come.

That is, until the car pulls up to the venue.

It’s absolutely gorgeous, and a lot bigger than you imagined - a modern beach house overlooking the waters. It’s not as extravagant as one would expect to see when they come to a wedding, but considering the small crowd in attendance, this is more than enough. You see people rush in and out of the place even from far away - planners, caterers, the bridesmaids and groomsmen, probably.

You feel a bit comforted just watching this. His family seems to be doing a lot better than before. It’s nice to know.

You barely make it out of the car before someone calls your name, and pulls you into a hug that knocks the wind out of you. Although, when you catch the scent of her hair, you instantly know who it is.

Parents usually have a scent that’s distinct to only their kids, a scent so cozy and homely that no perfume can ever mask. You can only describe your mom’s scent with a feeling, specifically the feeling of your chest tightening, tingling with a bittersweetness that you never found elsewhere. 

Strangely enough, Jungkook’s mother has always made you feel the opposite. She makes you feel relieved to be in her embrace, like she accepts you for who you are even if all you are to her, at the end of the day, is a stranger.

You hug her back awkwardly, hesitantly, in front of Jungkook’s dad, his brother Junghyun, and a girl you don’t know. You assume that she’s the bride-to-be, the main character whom this weekend revolves around. Sooji, you remember that was the name on the wedding invitation.

You get choked up suddenly, eyes turning glassy though you quickly blink it away. You’re not sure if you’ve had someone be so happy to see you. Bypassers might even think that you just found the cure for cancer.

For a second there, you wonder if your mere presence has ever made your mother this overjoyed.

You look at Jungkook for help, silently asking him to rescue you. Who else are you supposed to turn to if not him?

He understands that look. “Okay, mom,” he says, entangling her arms from you with ease, “Y/N’s tired from the drive. Let’s let her rest, yeah? I’ll show her the room.”

She ignores her son. “Honey,” she says, brushing your hair away from your face so she could see you better. “Thank you for coming.” She used to insist that you call her “mom”, or at least by her first name because “Mrs. Jeon” was too formal for someone she considered family.

You now have to opt for the latter, because “mom” isn’t an option for you anymore.

“Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Jeon,” you tell her with a smile. You’re not really sure what else to say, but it makes you a little sad just calling her that.

She opens her mouth before closing it again, seemingly about to jokingly scold you for the formality before she recognizes the bittersweet look in your eyes. She just smiles at you then. There’s not much to be done about it.

You don’t know if anyone else sees how the moment is weighed down. Probably not. Maybe it’s just you and her who share this sentiment.

Jungkook doesn’t wait for his mom anymore. Sons, typical. He wedges himself between the two of you like a bulldozer and leads you inside the house. 

Even though all you have is an overnight bag, Jungkook carries it for you all the way up to your room, which is only down the hall from his. Then he disappears pretty quickly afterward, saying something about his best man duties and putting out fires. He seems apologetic as he tells you this, but it’s not like you’re expecting him to babysit you all weekend.

You bore yourself to death in your room for a while, before you remember you have to text Yoongi to let him know you got here safely. Though, you stop short of telling him that it was Jungkook who drove you here. It’s trivial enough, right? You don’t want Yoongi to feel bad over nothing. You do, however, inform Taehyung and Jimin when you text them about it, to which Jimin only responds with a preemptively disapproving ‘Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.’

When you get too stir-crazy, you wander outside, hoping to explore the beach before it gets dark and colder. You try to stay out of everyone’s way, because a good guest is a quiet guest. You seem to be doing a good job. No one notices you, not even Jungkook’s mom but that’s because she’s the person you actively want to avoid the most. You don’t know what you’d even say to her if she gets you alone.

Everything is hectic, as one can probably imagine when it comes to wedding preparations. You haven’t had anyone close to you get married yet, so it’s safe to say that you’re pretty much clueless about all of this. You wonder what it’ll be like when your big day comes around, if you even ever get married. You haven’t thought about it in a long time. Why would you? You don’t really have a reason to think about this. It’s much easier to picture Taehyung’s or Jimin’s wedding day than your own.

Your opinion on having kids still remains the same, and you were never one of those girls who daydreamed about having a big and extravagant wedding, but it’s not such a bad idea to ponder about. You still think marriage is a scary thing - it’s one of the biggest commitments a person could ever make - but you’re not entirely opposed to getting married. 

Why are you even mulling over this? Your time might never even come.

When you round the corner to get the steps that would lead you down to the beach, you run into Sooji and a woman holding a thick binder - must be a wedding planner. You give Jungkook’s future sister-in-law an awkward smile in greeting, which she returns much more gracefully before she tells the woman that she’ll be with her in a minute.

So now you’re stuck here, about to make small talk with a person you have never met before, and will likely never see again. Great. 

“Hi,” you say, extending a hand. “I haven’t had the chance to introduce myself. I’m Y/N.”

“I’m Sooji,” she replies warmly as she shakes your hand, and you have to stop yourself from being a little weirdo and thinking about how silky her hair looks up close. “You’re Jungkook’s… friend, right?”

You purse your lips before nodding with a chuckle. The pause tells you that she knows, and you wouldn’t be surprised if she’s uncomfortable having you here. 

“I’m sorry if this is weird. You probably don’t want a complete stranger at your wedding.”

Sooji shakes her head instantly, waving her hands around to dismiss your apology. “Please, it’s totally fine. Junghyun’s mom talked to me about it before we sent out the invites. I wouldn’t have agreed if I was really bothered. Don’t worry about it, seriously.”

“Why did you agree?” you ask, trying to sound as polite as possible. “You don’t know who I am.”

“I guess I was curious.” She shrugs, before laughing lightly as she says, “I used to think you weren’t real.”

“Huh?”

“She talks about you constantly. Never in front of Jungkook, of course. But she’s really fond of you, and you probably already know that doesn’t happen very often. She really does see you like a daughter. She made you sound too good to be true.”

You’re not sure how to respond to that. His mom still thinks about you, still talks about you after all this time. You’re just his ex-girlfriend, but she considers you her family. You don’t know what to do with this information nor the way it pinches your heart.

“I-” You purse your lips, fumbling with the responses in your head. You settle on a light laugh, because Sooji can probably tell that you’re struggling with the words too. “I have to be honest. I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything. I just thought you should know that you’re still very much loved here.” She gives you a kind smile, and it looks like she wants to tell you something else but decides against it in the end. Sooji’s eyes land somewhere behind you before she points in that general direction. “I have to go take care of an issue with the flowers, but look, Jungkook is here. Why don’t you ask him to show you around?”

And then she’s already off. Overall, what a… strange interaction.

You turn around to see Jungkook standing near one of the entrances to the house. As you watch him talk to someone - a bridesmaid, you assume, or just one of the other guests - you try not to think about the fact that there’s a stirring sensation in your stomach, and that it only intensifies when she throws her head back in a pretty laugh, a perfectly manicured hand landing on his arm like he’s the most charming person she’s ever met. 

You don’t give it a name, don’t label it green in color even though you’re blue and he’s golden sunshine. You don’t acknowledge that it’s a feeling, because doing so would make it real and there are certain truths that you’d rather delude yourself into thinking are lies.

When Jungkook’s eyes catch yours and he cuts off the woman mid-sentence with a curt excuse me, you don’t acknowledge that feeling either, but it’s warm and it blooms in your chest as he makes his way to you. It’s something victorious, something that tickles your ribs.

He comes to you like you’re a destination he’s been waiting all his life to reach, and you certainly, adamantly don’t acknowledge the spectacularly dizzying feeling that swallows you whole when he places a gentle hand on your arm, his voice soft as he says, “There you are. I was looking for you.”

The familiarity, it’s catastrophic.

“I was just walking around,” you tell him. “There’s not a lot to do here. I was bored.”

“You have me,” he says. Probably not in that way, but you’d like to think that’s how he means it. “I don’t have any more fires to put out. What do you want to do now?”

You glance over your surroundings, still set on your original plans. You wanted to go alone, but you suppose you can let him accompany you. You check the time on your phone before asking, “Can we go down to the beach? I wanna see if we can catch the sunset.”

You used to do this whenever you came here to visit - walk along the beach, hand in hand, sunlight in your hair and the cool breeze holding you tight in the afterglow.

The keyword here is “used to”. Now, you have to stuff your hands in your pockets just so you don’t reach for him every time you shiver.

It’s late enough in the afternoon for you to see the moon faintly shine against a blue and orange backdrop. Sun and moon, together in the same frame. It feels symbolic somehow. You’re not really sure.

“The moon looks like an egg,” Jungkook observes astutely, taking casual strides next to you. It makes you burst into easy laughter, which makes him laugh with you too. You stop walking when you reach what you think is a good spot to watch the sky. 

“Let’s sit here for a bit,” you say. It’s not the greatest idea - sitting idly by would only make you colder - but you just want to stop and look at the sunset. Once you’re seated in the sand, you respond to his moon remark, “That’s true, y’know. NASA said so.”

“Yeah,” he says, settling down beside you, “you made me read that.”

You’d forgotten about it, and you didn’t think that he’d remember. It’s freezing cold and the moon looks like an egg, but you’re not thinking, and you feel safe. Nothing can hurt you here, or at least that’s what you’d like to tell yourself.

You wrap your arms around yourself to keep from shivering, but you still shiver anyways.

“Are you cold?” he asks.

“A little,” you admit. “I should’ve worn a thicker sweater. But it’s o-”

He doesn’t let you finish the sentence, just smoothly takes off his jacket to put it around your shoulders.

You put your hands atop his to stop him. When you touch him, there’s an electric tingle that almost makes you flinch. He feels warm, still resembling a human furnace. 

“No, you don’t have t-”

“Take the jacket, Y/N,” he says. “It’s just a jacket.”

The jacket smells like him. It only makes you want to crawl further into the warmth.

He seems more self-assured here, that’s what you notice. More like the version of himself that he used to be. Confident, sometimes borderline cocky. Annoying but oddly endearing, you came to love that about him.

His relaxed demeanor is understandable. You’re merely a visitor here, while this is his homeground. 

“I’m curious about something,” he says after a while.

“Okay.”

“What’s the deal with Wednesdays?” he asks. 

“You know how they say bad things come in threes?” You purse your lips, thinking it over, feeling something bitter in your mouth as you recall the events that led to this. “My parents got divorced on a Wednesday. I moved out of mom’s house on a Wednesday. And…” You hold your knees close to your chest as you hesitate to utter this last part, “we broke up on a Wednesday.”

You see the exact moment Jungkook mentally slaps himself, paling a couple shades as he tongues his cheek, not expecting his question to inadvertently lead back to this. It wasn’t your intention to guilt trip him. It was true that he dumped you on a Wednesday, but you don’t want the mood to turn sour, to have to mull over this again. Like he said, it will still be there for you to worry about when you get back. You’re not looking forward to returning to a shitshow, but what you’d hate even more is to tarnish the memories of this place just because you can’t keep from being vindictive for not even a weekend.

“I was born on a Wednesday too, so I guess bad things come in fours sometimes,” you continue, chuckling to yourself humorlessly.

A frown appears on his face almost instantaneously. “What is that supposed to mean?”

You shrug. Jungkook turns his body toward you, which makes you spare him a glance before you return your gaze to the horizon. His face is so serious that it’s almost funny. “Y/N,” he presses. “Why would you say that?”

“C’mon, it’s a joke. I was just being self-deprecating. Lighten up.”

“Why are you talking like that?”

“Like what? Contrary to popular belief, I don’t walk around with a thundercloud over my head all the time,” you laugh lightly. “I figured if there was a day to be nice to you, it should be today. And tomorrow, I guess.”

“This is you being nice?”

Funny how just a few weeks ago, you were fighting with him and calling him a hypocrite. Now, you’re sitting together, watching the sun set, trying not to be mean to him.

“I’m not picking a fight with you,” you say. “This is nice enough.”

“It’s not even my wedding.”

“Okay.” You glance at him again, letting words flow without a single thought. “I’ll be even nicer to you on your wedding day then.”

You don’t know where that even came from, but something aches the very second the words leave your mouth. The thought of him getting married one day makes you just nauseous, even though you always knew that it was a possibility. It might even be inevitable.

You clear your throat, waving the sullen feeling away. Your body shivers then, even after the added warmth of his jacket. Maybe you’re not shivering because of the cold anymore.

He doesn’t say anything, but you can feel his eyes linger on the side of your face. The both of you keep tiptoeing around an elephant that follows you wherever you go. 

You hug your knees close to your chest, watching the blue sky melt into the golden horizon, splattered with ribbons of cotton candy clouds.

You want to scooch closer to him and have him wrap his arm around your shoulders. This isn’t the spot where you used to draw your names in the sand, enveloped in a giant heart like two lovesick kids, but wouldn’t it be nice to imagine that it is?

“I was always really happy here,” you mumble to yourself.

You were, truly. This city was your pocket of hope, your piece of peace.

Being here brings back so many memories.

It’s the same feeling you get every time you pass by somewhere you used to live. The nostalgia of walking down the same road you used to walk every day until your shoes wore out. The familiarity of your surroundings. The bittersweetness of looking into a past you cannot hold anymore, of remembering the person you were at a certain period in your life, of knowing the things you do now that you didn’t back then.

You long for things you cannot change.

Nostalgia only grows stronger with time, you can always count on that.

He hums in agreement, before admitting quietly, “I miss you.” One pulls, the other pushes. The water wavers, like it’s touched by his words, simple but earnest. You’re touched too, somewhere in your heart, where you know you should be writing someone else’s name now.

Should?

“You’re pushing it,” you say softly.

“I know.”

You look at him. Maybe it’s because you’re back in the city that holds only good memories of you two. Maybe you’re hypnotized by the way the pink and purple hues kiss his side profile, making him feel like a fever dream and not someone you loved. Maybe it’s the cold, making you yearn for any source of warmth. But instead of returning his sentiment, you say, “It’ll pass.”

He meets your eyes. There’s something pleading in his gaze. All things pass eventually. Time moves forward, people move on. Bad things will pass sooner or later. Your worst heartbreak, your most arduous trials, your saddest moments, they will all pass.

And good things… good things will have to pass too, whether you like it or not.

Your fingers twitch from where they’re still holding onto your body. You itch to reach for his hand. You don’t tell him what he wants to hear, even though here’s a part of you that wants to say it back. In a better world, you would be telling him I love you too, instead of having to suppress an I miss you too.

“All things have to pass eventually. This will too.”

[20:05] Taebear 🐻: we could go to that bar near the gallery. Y/N likes the cocktails there [20:06] Mimi 🐥: kay kay [20:06] Mimi 🐥: soooooo next friday? [20:09] Mimi 🐥: why is y/n reading our messages. shouldn’t she be at dinner [20:09] You: i approve of the bar choice [20:11] You: if you didn’t want me reading your messages, you shouldn’t have sent them to the gc [20:11] You: and if you must know, i’m skipping dinner. i’m avoiding Jungkook’s mom [20:12] Mimi 🐥: understandable. i figured you would do that [20:13] Mimi 🐥: how’s it going? are we regretting going yet? i told you to just stay home and we could binge watch the office together [20:15] You: and EYE told you that you could be a good friend and go to this wedding with me but nooooo baby doesn’t like the cold [20:16] You: you could’ve visited your parents while you’re here you know. two birds with one stone [20:18] Mimi 🐥: babes my parents stayed with me for a whole month last month. i reached my quota for family face time  [20:19] You: son and friend of the year 👏 [20:20] Mimi 🐥: 😎😎😎😘

[20:22] Taebear 🐻: hey [20:23] You: uh oh. am i in trouble? why is this not in the gc? [20:25] Taebear 🐻: lol shut up [20:26] Taebear 🐻: you okay? [20:28] You: feels like that could’ve been a perfectly good question to ask in the gc [20:29] Taebear 🐻: because it’s a serious question and we both know Jimin can’t be serious for one minute to save his life [20:32] You: why does it have to be a serious question? 🤪 [20:32] Taebear 🐻: 😕 [20:33] You: stop pouting. i’m fine [20:35] Taebear 🐻: are you? [20:36] You: i am! you don’t have to go all mama bear on me [20:39] Taebear 🐻: ha ha ha. you’re so funny [20:40] Taebear 🐻: want me to call you? [20:42] You: i said i’m fiiiiiine 🙄 [20:43] You: but also no because i told everyone i was tired and i’m pretending to be asleep in my room right now [20:43] Taebear 🐻: okay [20:43] Taebear 🐻: did you eat something at least? [20:44] You: i have a cup ramen in my room [20:45] Taebear 🐻: okay [20:46] Taebear 🐻: how was today? did JK make you wanna strangle him? [20:48] You: okay Kim Taehyung at least act like you have some faith in your friend lol [20:50] You: but mmmmmm it was ok. he was mostly behaving himself [20:51] Taebear 🐻: mostly? [20:54] You: we were down at the beach and he just told me he missed me out of the blue [20:55] You: Mimi is asking why no one is replying to him  [20:57] Taebear 🐻: i can see that [20:58] Taebear 🐻: what did you tell JK? [21:01] You: i quoted fleabag to him [21:09] Taebear 🐻: i had to google that [21:10] Taebear 🐻: i still don’t know what that means [21:11] You: i know you don’t lol. you’re adorable [21:11] You: i’ll tell you when i get back.  [21:13] You: ok bye i have to sleep early or i’ll look like ass in the morning [21:14] Taebear 🐻: oh. okay [21:15] Taebear 🐻: sleep tight. remember not to gorge yourself on booze tomorrow [21:17] You: thanks for the reminder. love you mom 🙄💕 [21:17] Taebear 🐻: :) [21:20] Taebear 🐻: you won’t look like ass btw

You clocked out right after you told Taehyung that you would. It wasn’t a peaceful sleep though. The anxiety simmering in your belly woke you up a few times throughout the night. You don’t even know why you were anxious. It’s not like you were the one who was about to walk down the aisle.

When morning finally came and you managed to untangle yourself from the surprising comfort of your familiar bed, you practically dragged your feet for the subsequent two hours, trying to get ready. As if that would actually slow down the passage of time.

You had to compartmentalize the things you needed to do in a mental checklist. Makeup. Hair. Dress. Stare at yourself in the mirror for half an hour and internally freak out while waiting for Jungkook to come get you from your room.

Now you’re sitting in the wedding hall, watching people filter into the room. It’s not even a lot of people, but you’re still overwhelmed regardless.

You feel so exposed, even though he’s the only one looking at you in this room of strangers. He’s been looking at you like that ever since he first saw you this morning, in a dress that you got just days before the wedding. You still don’t know if it’s entirely appropriate for your ex-boyfriend’s brother’s wedding - maybe a bit revealing - but it was the only one you could find on such short notice.

When you tried on the dress for Taehyung and Jimin a few days ago, Taehyung said you looked beautiful. Jimin said you looked decent, “six point five out of ten,” which translated to “pretty nice” in Jimin-lingo. That would’ve been enough if you were going to any other wedding, not one where Jungkook would also be attending.

You had wanted him to see you and regret ever leaving you.

It was a silly thought, just a tad adolescent.

You had wanted him to see you in your dress and be consumed with thoughts of you until he couldn’t even see straight. To be the only thing on his mind, you didn’t think it was a lot to ask for.

That was before he told you not to think about it and you’d been convinced to just go with the flow just for two days. It was before he actually did see you earlier today in your dress - a simple midnight blue satin cowl neck with a slit in the thigh - but you were the one rendered helpless and speechless. He had stared at you for a minute when he came to walk you down from your room, then he’d said, all breathless even though both of you were just standing there, “You’re beautiful.”

You’re beautiful, not You look beautiful.

You don’t know why, but you appreciated it.

It made your cheeks burn underneath your artificial rosy blush. Stupid, you thought to yourself when you two made your way to the main hall. Stupid for letting yourself get dizzy because of a single compliment from him.

You’re seated with his parents, which makes sense because you don’t know anybody here except for them. Well, maybe you know one of his cousins whose kid you and Jungkook used to babysit whenever their family was in the city, but you doubt that he even remembers you anymore.

When the ceremony begins, your heart instantly feels like it’s about to drop to the pit of your stomach.

You can’t lie to yourself. It stings.

It stings just sitting here next to his parents like a daughter-in-law, like a member of their family, watching his brother solidify his happy ending.

It stings that Jungkook is standing up there, looking as handsome as ever, but his eyes aren’t on the couple. They keep flickering to you no matter how much you try to pretend that they don’t.

It stings that even though you don’t think about marriage often - or maybe you just don’t allow yourself to - you can’t deny that the thought does cross your mind from time to time. Any time that you’d wander the corridors inside your head, you’d pass the doors that you keep unopened on purpose but there’s always that one door marked with a bright red X that you can never sidestep.

You watch Junghyun and Sooji with their teary smiles and shaky hands, shaky but happy. There’s a sudden clarity that this could’ve been you and him in another life. Forever is a lie, but you would’ve perjured yourself a thousand times for him. I do - you would’ve meant it.

You imagine yourself in Sooji’s place, and Jungkook, standing right on the other side, holding both your hands in his. A beautiful and radiant bride terrified of the altar. A dashing groom with a smile that could rival the sun and shoulders weighing heavier than he lets on.

It would’ve looked clumsy, but it could’ve been right.

You wonder if he’s wondering the same thing. Maybe he is. You hope he is.

When the ceremony ends with a kiss shared between the newlyweds, you wipe away the tears that well up in your eyes. The people around you do the same thing, but they’re doing it for the right reason, out of genuine joy for the happy couple. You don’t think you can say the same for yourself.

Some of the bridesmaids fawn over him. It’s reasonable, you suppose. One tends to do that in the presence of Jeon Jungkook.

You watch as they come up to him one by one to ask him to dance, watch as he politely declines until they’re all stalking away with similar pouts on their faces. You watch him until his eyes lock on you, sitting at a table near the back, nursing a glass of champagne.

He weaves himself with ease through the people making their way to the dance floor. When he’s in front of you, he holds out a hand.

“Dance with me?” he asks, his doe eyes working overtime to lure you in with their sparkles, though you’d rather stay here where you can easily go unnoticed until the night ends. “One song?”

“I don’t know how,” you say, even as you’re taking his hand and standing up.

“I showed you how, remember?”

“That was a long time ago.”

He squeezes you reassuringly. “Just follow my lead,” he says, walking the both of you to the floor. “C’mon.”

Once the music starts, your heels stomp on his feet at least three times before you start finding the beat to move along to. Muscle memory, or whatever, is bullshit. You remember absolutely nothing of what he showed you.

You’re grateful that the song is slow, because it makes it easier for you to follow the beat with your two left feet. He takes one of your hands in his, the other settling on the small of your back, guiding you to move in a steady rhythm.

You feel his mother’s eyes on the two of you, because she must be somewhere nearby, watching you like a hawk. You feel his gaze on your face while you keep yours on the knot of his tie, just trying to keep your composure and to not step on his feet with your heels.

The blur of white that you catch from the periphery of your vision makes you turn your head. Sooji and Junghyun are close by, swaying together slowly to the soft music, both of them glowing with happiness. She must sense your eyes on her, because she lifts her gaze up to meet yours. She smiles at the sight of you and Jungkook, and you smile back, because you don’t know how else to respond to that.

You don’t say it, but you do think it. Your fingers tighten around his hand ever so slightly.

Could that have been us?

If the answer is yes, then it would hurt.

If the answer is no, then it would hurt.

The point of your story is that it’s painful however you choose to look at it. There’s no other way to frame it. It’s just painful, because you’re never going to get any of it back.

You bite your lip, then turn away from the happy couple but you still don’t look at Jungkook. You look at your hand in his, and that’s when you see it.

“How’d you get that?” you ask, gently tracing the inch of slightly raised skin on his knuckles. You never noticed the scar until now.

“It was four years ago, I think? After Taehyung and I almost got into a fight, I went outside and… punched a wall,” he says, wincing as he recalls the memory.

His answer takes you aback. “You and Taehyung got into a fight?”

“Almost,” he corrects. “It was a long time ago. Didn’t they tell you?”

“No, they didn’t say anything. What happened?”

“Nothing happened.”

“If it was really nothing, you wouldn’t have punched a wall.” You frown. It makes you miss a few beats, but the song isn’t what’s important now, even if Jungkook is still trying to steer you back into the dance. “Taehyung isn’t violent. You aren’t violent.”

“I’m serious,” he says finally. “It’s nothing. We were just drunk and stupid.”

You know there must be more to it, that something must have happened or been said to trigger such a reaction from both of them. But you also know that you won’t probably get anything out of Jungkook if he doesn’t want to tell you.

You give up, for now. “Fine. If you say so.”  You’ll just have to weasel it out of Jimin later.

The song comes to an end, before another one comes on. If Jungkook remembers that he only asked for one song, maybe he’s counting his blessings that you’re still here and dancing with him, because he doesn’t mention it.

For some reason, you pull your hand away from his, only to slide up his shoulder to lock both of your hands behind his neck. He seems surprised, but he does the same around your waist.

Jungkook’s gaze flickers to your lips briefly, then back to your eyes again. You find yourself doing the same and wonder what he tastes like after all the time you’ve been apart. Is he still as sweet as you remember? You used to tease that it was because of the excessive sugar he put in everything, but you knew it was really just him. The few inches between you are so inviting that it’s practically tempting you to close the gap. You could, easily in fact. Blame it on one too many glasses of champagne later if you want.

He looks younger like this, like the boy you loved, starry eyes and dimpled smile. His shoulders are always the most comfortable resting place, the crook of his neck your long lost home. This is nice, you think, to see him again even though it feels like a fever dream. Memories of your first date, your first kiss, come to life before your eyes so realistically that you could almost touch them.

Loved? That sounds funny to you.

The people you used to be, souls wrapped in innocence, when the world was nothing but the arms of the person you loved. You reach out, and the memories quickly fade from view. The only trace they leave behind is a speck of gold on your fingertips, a memento of charming naiveté for you to tuck neatly away in the corner of your mind, but also a reminder that ah, they only exist in the locket of your heart now. Because he has changed, and you think you must have too. Life, as they say, goes on.

“We made it. Kind of. That’s crazy,” you find yourself saying.

“Did we?”

“You don’t think so?” you chuckle. “We’re in a group chat with the Kim Seokjin who spams it with bad jokes on a daily basis. I’d call that a win.”

That makes him laugh. “If you put it like that, yeah, maybe. Sure.”

Other people might be fooled, but it doesn’t sound at all convincing to you. The light doesn’t really reach his eyes. You bite the inside of your cheek, thinking of how to translate the sudden poignant turn of the moment.

“It isn’t everything you hoped it’d be?” you ask.

His shoulders rise then fall quickly in a second-long shrug. “I thought it would make me feel more… fulfilled. But it doesn’t. Not really.”

The way he says it and the way he’s looking at you makes your heart dive. You understand what he means. You’re good at what you do, and you don’t need reassurance from anyone to recognize that. But sometimes, it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Doesn’t feel like it’s real, like it’s validated.

When you landed your first big project, even before Yoongi, you were so proud of yourself. You were bursting with excitement but you weren’t happy, and you knew what the reason was. Something was missing that couldn’t be filled, not even with all your friends’ hundreds of messages of encouragement. 

It’s beyond stupid, this feeling like your wins amount to nothing at all just because of one person. You wanted him there to celebrate every achievement with you and he wasn’t, and the milestones seemed incomplete without the presence of him. It doesn’t feel like you’ve accomplished anything because this always used to be a dream you thought you’d make come true together.

“It’s lonely,” he concludes.

It sounds like he feels the same way, like he wanted you to be there too.

He suddenly holds you tighter than you think he needs to, like he’s afraid to let go of you. You imagine that he doesn’t want to let go of you, and it makes you feel better for a second. But it doesn’t change the fact that he still did in the end. And he will have to when this ends.

What was the point of this? Why did he bring this upon yourselves when he seems to be as hurt as you are? All of this time, all of these years, lost to what? You could’ve been happy together but instead, you were both lost and miserable.

When the music stops - you lost count of how many songs it’s been - you pull away from him. He looks disappointed, maybe even a little hurt for some reason.

“I’m gonna get some air,” you say, already turning away from him.

“Y/N-”

“I need some air.” Then you’re weaving through the dancing couples despite Jungkook calling your name. How did he manage it? How did he not look back when you called out for him?

You hastily grab your coat on the way out. It’s not going to keep you warm, but that’s not something you’re even remotely concerned with.

It’s everywhere, you feel it down to your bones.

The wind wraps itself tightly around you, intertwining in your hair, slipping through the cracks of your fingers, caressing your face in a chilling touch. You greet the cold like a long lost sister, shivering violently with nostalgia. It was there for you more than your own flesh and blood.

Is that why you like the sea at night? Because it reminds you of mom?

It’s dark out here, barely anything is visible except for a lighthouse sending out light in the quiet of the night. You can’t see much, but you can certainly hear it. You’re not sure if the music is coming from inside the venue, or if it’s still ringing in your ears. It’s probably the latter; you’re too far away to be able to catch the music anyway. But regardless, the tune is quickly drowned out by the sea.

The waves crash violently against the shore like it’s out for blood. There’s a magnetic pull, as if it’s calling out for you. You want to go to it, to reach out and feel the cold outside of your body for once, but you stay there despite your legs itching to stand up and run straight ahead. Into the water and down under.

You could lie down and close your eyes for a moment. The sound of the water, as sharp and brutal as it is, nurtures a part of you somehow.

You just want to be alone. You don’t want to talk to Taehyung, or Jimin, or even Yoongi.

Oh.

Yoongi.

It’s a terrible feeling, knowing that you’re going to hurt Yoongi. Knowing that you’re going to kill this even before it has a chance to truly begin.

Truth be told, you can’t envision a future with Yoongi. There isn’t anything wrong with him, because he’s not the problem here. Yoongi is fun, he’s considerate, he keeps things light on purpose for you, until you’re ready to initiate something more serious. He’s good for you, even Taehyung thinks so.

But you can’t love Yoongi, not in the way that he wants you to. Not more than you love Jungkook.

There you go. Ruining things again.

Did you ruin Jungkook? Is that what happened?

The layers on you are no match for the sea at night. The wind hisses relentlessly, biting at any part of your skin that’s exposed.

It takes you back to that night. Almost everything does, actually.

Maybe that’s why you never even stopped to consider starting anything with anyone, because it always ends. If there’s a beginning, then there will be an inevitable ending. Love isn’t made to last and you aren’t meant to carry love with you. You’ve been abandoned twice. If it happens a third time, it’s a pattern, and then your hypothesis will only be proven. That the problem here is you.

You’d be lying if you said you haven’t wondered when it’ll finally be Taehyung’s turn to leave. He eventually will, right? That one’s gonna hurt.

Then, you’re startled when someone calls your name.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks. The wind and the waves masked the sound of his footsteps walking up to you. When you turn around to face him, his eyes grow worried, almost panicked. “Why are you crying?”

You breathe out irritatedly before you hastily wipe at your cheeks. You didn’t even realize that you’d been crying. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine,” you say, though you both know it’s a lie. “I’m just tired. I’m going up to my room.”

He catches your wrist in a firm grip when you try to walk away. You wish he’d just leave you alone, but you knew he wouldn’t drop it just like that.

“I said I’m fine,” you insist.

“You were crying,” he says. “Did I do something wrong?”

He didn’t, at least not tonight.

God, you really don’t want to do this right now.

“Jungkook,” you warn. “Let go of me.”

You try to free yourself from his grip, hoping that he’ll get the hint and back off for now. Instead, he pulls you into his chest, where you struggle to escape from his hold until you realize your efforts are futile. He takes the wind’s place, wound tightly around you, so tightly that it’s nearly impossible for you to move.

You hiss out his name, but he doesn’t budge. 

“Jungkook, can you just- Fuck!”

Damn him.

You realize he’s not giving up, which in turn makes you give up struggling, hoping that if you let this be a moment, then it’ll be something that can pass.

You’re just standing there, letting him hold you, letting yourself be held by the person who broke you in the first place. This feels exactly like where you’re supposed to be - in his arms, with your face hidden in the crook of his neck, his gentle fingers stroking your hair. There’s not a lot that you could do but lean into that feeling the same way you lean into him. One foot in the sand, one foot in the past. A hand on the doorknob of time, wondering if you should look back or look forward.

You want to be alone, but that never used to apply with him.

The wind stills, the sea calms. You remain unmoving too, locked in his embrace. You feel the faint rhythm of his heart, beating faster than you think it should. If you could, you would bottle this moment up and live there forever.

I miss you, you think.

I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss you.

Then your arms are around him too. It only makes him hold you tighter, and all you can think about is how much you miss him, how painful it is to miss him, how you feel like you’re being pulled apart at the seams from the weight of missing him. 

Fuck.

Can you pretend that the last few years never happened? Is there a higher power that would allow you to go back to the night before that wretched Wednesday, when everything was still perfect? Hundreds of days of your life, can you pretend that it was just one long nightmare? When you wake up, you’ll be back in his humble apartment, tangled up together in his bed. Warm sunlight, your silken youth, and him. It was all you ever needed.

Again with the devastating familiarity. The city, the beach. His mother’s warmth that always made you reminisce about your own mother’s coldness. How Jungkook used to find you in moments like this and just stayed by your side until the dejection passed. He understood that he could never understand it the way you did.

You hear yourself sniffle, then you feel him press a kiss into your hair. Home is comforting.

Oh, you never want to leave.

You don’t want to leave, and that’s terrifying.

You allow yourself to stay there for one more second - one endless second - so you could commit to memory what it’s like to be with him. Back and forth. It’s always so easy to fall into him.

Jungkook releases you when he feels you loosen after a while, and you reluctantly meet his eyes as he tilts your head to face him.  His fingers cradling your jaw, how warm and delicate they feel on your skin.

You swallow thickly, your mind going blank. He’s the only person you see, the only one that matters. His eyes flicker south, and even then you don’t make any move to run away, despite his loose grip on your waist telling you that you can if you want to.

You told him that it would pass, and maybe for him, it will. For him, it’s the city and the moment, making him feel like he’s caught up in a page that he’s turned over a long time ago. He was fine with leaving, and he’s been fine without you. It will pass for him, as much as it hurts you to admit it.

But not for you. For you, there’s only him. There’s nobody else but him. It’s always been him, no matter how hard you try to tell yourself that there will be another person you can love as much as you love Jungkook. You might only be a page, perhaps even a chapter, in the story of his life, but he’s your entire book. He’s volume after volume after volume, until he takes up the whole shelf and leaves no room for anything else, not even for yourself.

And now here he is - at the biggest turn in your career.

He’s a bad blood cell you can’t ever get rid of.

You’ll never be able to truly let go of him. How could you? When you truly love someone, those feelings will carry on forever. They’ll always have a piece of your heart despite an ending. When you look back on a certain period in your life, you’ll think to yourself, You’ll always be a part of me. I loved you then.

But Jungkook is a force of nature. He has your whole heart.

Years and years from now, when you look back on your life, you know you’ll see him everywhere. Even when you’re old and gray, and when faces all just blur together in a mosaic of broken memories and long lost youth, you know you’ll still remember him - the person you loved, the one whom you let slip through your fingers. The great love of your life when you were young.

Sometimes, you regret that day. You can’t help feeling like it was your fault too. Maybe you should’ve tried harder to keep him. You should’ve fought harder, should’ve held onto him instead of standing there and watching him leave.

He lit the match, and you let the house burn. It takes two to tango, two to break a heart.

You’re quick to let people leave. Oh, how you wish it could be that easy to let them go too.

It isn’t until your eyes mimic the flicker of his gaze that he leans in. You meet him halfway. For the first time in years, you feel like you could breathe, truly breathe. It’s achingly slow, like neither of you can believe that this is happening. 

You sigh against his mouth when his tongue brushes your bottom lip, slips past the seal to devour you. It feels like a perfect dream. You could stay in this bubble with him forever, pretend that you’re the only two people who exist in the world and there’s nothing else, no one else, waiting for you in a city that seems so far away right now. The thought of him never left you, not even for a second. He’s always been with you everywhere you go, no matter what you do, always in the back of your mind.

He tastes like your youth, like remembrance. He kisses you like he’s still yours when deep down you know that you’re still his. The hand on your jaw is gentle but firm, and it makes you repeat a thought, I miss you.

Then a feeling, I love you.

Not then. Now.

I love you now.

I love you even when I shouldn’t. Even when it hurts. Even when you leave me. Even when you don’t love me more than I love you. If there comes a day where you love somebody else, I will still love you then. There will never be another person for me but you. My first and only love.

When he pulls away, you think it’s too quick, even though your lungs are grateful for the breath that you instantly inhale. You stare at his lips like you’re in a daze, mesmerized, wanting to chase them again. You don’t even know how you have it in yourself to utter these next words, but you hear your own voice saying them anyway.

You’re holding onto him now. Doesn’t that count?

“Let’s…” Your fingers tighten on the collar of his dress shirt. “Let’s go up to your room.”

note (2): so... what do we think?? will they?? won't they?? 😵 stay tuned for obs7.5 which will be dropping 29.09.2023! also i'm gonna pause obs muse asks for a little bit! 😬

all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted september 24, 2023]

[shakirawastaken]

dsmp if..you were a famous singer!

okay i liteally read @/beeindaclouds stuff ALL THE TIME and got inspired so here it is :D

my official comeback (and it isnt a taylor swift song fic!!! whaaaat) 

dream: - in love with ur music even if wasnt his vibe - bro would learn to like it LMFAOOO - learns all the words instantly its an instant thing - even before u know the words he knows them - is willing to help you write music cause he has some minimal experience! can give feedback but its not that technical - please collab with him and make him release trust issues - now that he’s face revealed hed BUMP at your concerts - hed tweet about ur music, and his spotify twitter account thing would report hes listening to it but i feel like he wouldnt do more than that publicly - wants you to have your own thing  - huge and major fan

george: - more a lowkey fan - obv still supports you hes like that - listens to ur music but not on stream - also tweets about it but its like “go listen to my s/o’s new music:) they worked hard on it” - wants ur effort and talent to be recognized - listens to it and when asked for feedback just goes “it sounds good darling” - hes just like “alr its good like always”

sapnap: - okay he’d either be really similar to george OR hes go HARD - tweeting snapping instagramming streaming whatever social you name hes THERE - “GUYS OMG [ARTIST NAME] RELEASED MORE MUSIC ITS SO GOOD” - would beg george and karl to get you on banter just to talk about your music - and if you write a song about him?? - suddenly his whole world is perfect - “ABOUT ME? OH DOLL THIS IS AMAZING YOUR BEST WORK YET” - buys ur merch even tho ur his s/o - offers his input even if he knows it might not be the best  - would dance to it with you - your NUMBER ONE BIGGEST FAN 

karl: - he’d be so sweet about it - “this is AMAZING? oh my god you’re amazing??!?” - has it as an intro to his streams  - *streaming* “guys that songs is by my s/o btw” - makes mr beast listen to it  - tweets about it. alot - posts one (1) picture on his instargam of the both of you in the studio from when u were recording - loves you loves you loves you

quackity: - covers it on stream and makes it cursed - “HAHAHAH no guys but its actually good go listen to it nOW” - keeps up his joker persona but tells you how hes proud of you in private - vERY supportive - will stay up when ur trying to write (cause hes also up doing lawyer shit) - begs u to do a song in spanish  - if you know spanish pls make it about him - if not dont ask him for help he will ruin it - if you wrote a song like getaway car or like shutdown or mooo hed DEF listen to it in the car  - he loved to listen to ur song while driving it brings him joy - two things he loves together

punz: - listens while playing val LMFAO - would VIBE if u did like indie rap or soemthing - and if it wasnt his vibe? hed still listen cause he wants to support you - maybe not as much as he would have but its fine - cause he likes you a lot - would send you beats randomly be like “lol use this” - “no i dont want too” “babe :((”

wilbur: - POWER . COUPLE - WRITE A SONG WIHT LOVEJOY? WORLD GOES CRAZY - will help you write music. hes good at it too he knows what to do and like what to say - listens to ur music, no matter what it is - wouldnt promotw in much he knows how important it is to build ur own following and + if ur famous u dont need it - u could feature him tbh maybe background vocals or guitar if he was kinda skeptical - or just duet it - its cold outside type beat yk - he loves you and supports you tremendously

LET ME KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU GUYS WANNA SEE :D reqs are open

[cc--2224]

i dont know if you’ve written anything like this already- but i was gonna ask if you could write a funny smutty crack fic where Tech asks the reader to sit on his face but the reader is hesitant because they dont wanna hurt him- but Tech convinces reader that hes ok with being suffocated anyway- and he like- passes out mid-session LMFAO- and the reader panics but he wakes up like an hour later

Anon this is probably the most unserious thing I've written and I hope that's what you wanted 😂😂 thank you for requesting!!

Warnings: This is very much 18+ Minors do not interact! Warnings are clear from the ask but, oral (f receiving/face sitting), Tech passes out but he's fine lmao

No actual proofreading and no title apparently 😂 although my friend suggested "Plan 69" which is Hilarious

Masterlist

The two of you were finally alone in the Marauder. You had both hung back to work on some repairs while the others went on a supply run.

The repairs didn't take long to complete, and that's how you and Tech had found yourselves in his bunk.

Your relationship wasn't really a secret necessarily. Everyone knew, they just didn't ask. As long as it didn't interfere with either of your work, it was never an issue.

But that also led to these times where you had such a short amount of time in private that you just wanted to spend together, however possible.

He was hovered above you in his bed. He placed a trail of kisses from your lips down to your bare chest. He loved feeling your soft skin against him, and he always ensured that nothing went without.

His hand trailed after, making sure that whenever his mouth was preoccupied, his hand could make up the difference.

As his hand traveled down toward the waistband of your blacks you began to notice the dampness pooling between your legs.

He took a break from kissing and leaving marks on your breast to peer up at you, checking in on what you wanted him to do.

Your hand found his and encouraged him to continue.

He smirked.

"I was hoping we could try something." He said quietly as he continued disrobing you.

"Oh?"

He shifted over so that he was lying on his back, and he gestured for you to get on top of him.

When you were straddling his hips, his hands gripped the backs of your thighs, pulling you up toward him. You didn't really know where he was going with this, but you trusted him.

When he continued pulling you further than his chest, you understood.

"Tech, is this such a good idea?"

"Of course it is. I want to taste you, but more importantly, I want to feel you take what you want from me."

This sent a heat all through your core, Tech had such a way with words that you didn't even know if he was intentionally talking dirty or if he was just honest about what he wanted.

"But what if I hurt you? What if you can't breathe?"

"Then I shall die a happy man."

You couldn't help but laugh at that, and you complied as he pulled you up further.

Your knees were now on either side of his head, and you braced yourself against the headboard of his bunk.

You didn't have time to feel self-conscious about just how much of you he could see before he began telling you how beautiful you are.

His hands slid up, gripping your hips as he slowly pulled you down to his mouth.

You made sure not to fully sit down. You kept yourself perched slightly above him.

He continued holding your hips as he guided his tongue through your folds. You bucked your hips involuntarily at the contact, and you could hear him moan faintly.

"That's it, show me what you want." He told you.

His nose nudged your clit as his tongue circled around your entrance, lapping up everything you had to give him.

You moaned when your felt him push his tongue inside of you. You carefully began moving your hips and he gave a you and approving moan.

The vibrations his sounds had made only added to your own reactions.

He pulled his tongue out and once again licked through your folds, this time bringing it up to your clit.

You felt him flicking it with his tongue before he closed his mouth around it.

You moaned loudly and nearly lost your balance when he sucked on it; having to hold onto the headboard again.

You felt your climax building slowly with each swipe of his tongue. You allowed your hips to buck more, each one earning an approval from Tech.

But soon you heard nothing, and you no longer felt his tongue or his grip on your hips.

"Oh, kriff!" You exclaimed as you clambered off of him.

"Tech?" You cautiously reached out and prodded his shoulder before moving your fingers toward his neck, looking for a pulse.

You breathed a sigh of relief when you found one, you wouldn't have known how to explain it if you had to get help for him.

You decided it would be best to wait for him to wake up, so you put your clothes back on and went to grab a towel from the refresher to clean his face.

Luckily, the two of you were still alone in the Marauder.

After you were done cleaning up, you sat beside him, gently stroking his hair until he finally woke up with a sudden gasp.

"Shh, shh," you cooed, "You're okay, I've got you."

"What happened?" He asked, slowly getting up and raising a hand to his forehead.

"... You passed out."

"I... what?"

You smiled and shook your head, "While I was... on top of you, you stopped responding, and you scared me half to death."

"I see..." He looked at you, then got a mischievous look in his eyes, "So, could we try again?"

[prowlingz]

NSFW COD Headcanons

(mainly gender neutral some AFAB)

(COD)-TF141 18+ (slight dubcon)

—————————————————————————————————————

*im so upset I literally spent maybe 3 hours writing this, my phone crashed, and it didn’t save any of it so I had to rewrite it all over again!!!!

Captain John Price

-

* will grab you if you pass by his office, cover your mouth and fuck you til you see stars. he’ll then just push you out of his office like nothing happened while you leak his seed all down your thighs

-

* a fan of orgasm denial (for you)

-

* LOVES to eat you out, loves to pleasure his little whore ♡

-

* size kink 100%, loves seeing you try and take him all, but struggle due to his length

-

* would say “you look so pathetic trying to take all of me, you greedy little slut”

-

* will pound into you with no warning at all lmfao. he will play with your hole for a minute, then just slam completely into you

-

* age kink

-

* “I’m too old for you, sweetie” knowing damn well he’s masturbated multiple times to you.

-

* HUGE breeding kink. loves to say during sex “yeah? you want me to fill you up, huh? have everyone see you with my baby, right?” while he slams into you with no remorse.

-

* did I mention the degradation kink??

-

* also has a praise kink. “you look so fucking good taking me.. you’re such a good little fuck toy for me, huh?”

Sergeant Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

-

* loves when you surprise him with sucking him off

-

* acts like he hates it when you sneak under the desk during online live meetings and start kissing his tip

-

* “baby, please not now..” he whimpers.

-

* when you continue, he’d try his best to not give it away, covering his mouth and closing his eyes.

-

* pushes you down his length when he’s about to cum, and finishes down your throat

-

* loves when you face him while riding it, he gets to watch your face as you take in his length

-

* not a fan of public/risky sex, much prefers having sex at home

-

* loves when you praise him, or call him “Sergeant” in bed

-

* “thank you, Sergeant” after he cums all over your face

-

* can only cum once every like hour, so unless you want to overstimulate him, you’ll have to wait awhile

-

* LOVES when you ride his face. literally wants to suffocate on your thighs.

Sergeant John “Soap” MacTavish

-

* “good slut, you’re such a good toy for me.. you were made for to take my cock, huh?”

-

* huge degradation kink

-

* “fucking hell.. you’re so tight.. you take me so well, whore”

-

* loves leaving you shaking after sex, literally won’t stop until you’re completely overstimulated and cum drunk

-

* his favorite thing is leaving his mark all over you, love bites (hickeys?) and his bruises on your shoulder, hips and thighs

-

* not really nsfw but quite literally begged you to be his gf haha. enjoyed casual hookups, then one day was just like “be my girlfriendddd~”

-

* also not nsfw but constantly has a photo of you in his helmet or breast pocket

-

* loves to come up behind you while you’re doing something, and just start pounding into you out of no where, not even giving you time to register what’s happening until you’re full of his seed

Lieutenant Simon “Ghost” Riley

-

* in love with your eyes, loves watching them twitch as he cums his seed into your hole

-

* HUGE fan of quickies, not many opportunities to have sex since he’s constantly busy, so why not combine the issue with the solution??

-

* likes to not let you cum for a couple days, then have you have a huge orgasm

-

* wouldn’t mind running a train on you with the others on TF141

-

* constantly makes you say his name during sex

-

* “hmmm.. what’s my name, hun?” he hums.

-

* doesn’t eat you out often, but when he does it literally is life changing

-

* grits his teeth when he sees you talk to other men

-

* will take you into the bathroom to show you who owns you when he gets too possessive

-

* “who owns you? say it fucking louder.. I want everyone to hear it”

—————————————————————————————————————

authors note:

if you want any of this turned into a fic please let me know

:)

[binniebakery]

🇦​​🇧​​🇴​​🇻​​🇪​ ​🇹​​🇭​​🇪​ ​🇨​​🇭​​🇮​​🇳​​🇪​​🇸​​🇪​ ​🇷​​🇪​​🇸​​🇹​​🇦​​🇺​​🇷​​🇦​​🇳​​🇹​🥡

Non Idol AU Ex!Yeonjun x Gn!Reader, Angst ♡Warnings: no happy ending, not proofread, cursing, I'm almost 90% this is gender neutral but if there is a mistake please let me know! ♡A/N: im so sorry this took forever to come out gfdgjhksd but its here! since this is my first time writing angst I'm not sure how i feel about this one but.. that's me with all my yeonjun fics... lmfao enjoy

𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴: "Above the Chinese Restaurant" By Laufey 𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴: "Don't Let Me Go" By Cigarettes After Sex

0:09 ━●────────── 3:43 ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷

——-˖⁺. ༶ ❤︎ ⋆˙⊹ 𐦍 ˖⁺. ༶ ❤︎ ⋆˙⊹——-

There you lay in the quiet solitude of your dimly lit room. The only source of light being the soft glow of your bedside lamp and a candle that smelled of sandalwood and something oddly familiar.

The outside world remained silent, a contrast to the buzzing thoughts that swarmed your mind. Your new apartment was quiet, lonely, and grey. It was nights like these that had you reminiscing those warm summer days you spent in the city.

Glancing over at the nearest window, you find yourself in a moment of deja vu. You’ve been here before– in this position looking outside as you lay in bed.

Except this time you weren’t waiting for anyone, it was just you and the sound of your ticking clock as the arms slowly moved to the next hour.

Time always seems to go by quicker than you can notice.

Your mind wanders back through the corridors of your memories as you clutch the soft fabric of your comforter. You let out a deep sigh as you find yourself reliving those memories again.

It’s cozy, you have a wonderful view of the greenery outside, it’s spacious, it’s a safe neighborhood, and your apartment is brand new. All of this and you would think ‘how could anyone ask for more?’

You realize it all fails in comparison to those distant memories. It's quite foggy really, you can’t really remember them too well leaving you pondering if so much time had really slipped away from you.

Just like he did

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅⋆｡°

July 8th, Summer.

You and Yeonjun were simply young and dumb. At least that's what your parents would always say. Two ambitious individuals who found each other at a time when it seemed like the world was against you both.

Your families were against you moving into the city, but you were both young and desperate to start a new life together. It took weeks of couch surfing but despite the financial issues, you both managed to find that small apartment right above that old, run-down Chinese restaurant.

That summer the whole neighborhood spoke of the new young couple moving in, though you two paid no mind. Yeonjun enjoyed the attention and you were willing to endure anything as long as nobody spoke ill of either of you.

You remember Yeonjun’s small car lugging your belongings up the hill, and the minute you two arrive he’s opening the passenger door and pulling you into a hug.

He’s spinning you around and you’ve never felt happier. The summer heat burned down and your skin had tanned an awful lot, causing you to feel insecure about the obscure tan lines you modeled.

Of course, Yeonjun complimented you to the moon and back, kissing every bit of skin while his own was left sunburned. He always made you feel special no matter the occasion.

This moment was no less different, that bright, toothy grin of his as he clumsily plops down to lay with you on your shared futon.

“Got a gig next week, gonna earn so much too, I’ll buy you dinner every day for the next month!” Your boyfriend exclaims with his arms in the air.

You laugh at his expressive antics, leaning towards him to pull him in for a tight embrace.

“Don’t worry about that jjunie, I don’t need fancy dinners from you.”

“But I wanna,” he pouts “I gotta do something to make up for you working so hard!”

“Alright but nothing too expensive, we should be saving up..” You raise an eyebrow as Yeonjun makes himself comfortable laying his head in your lap.

“Mm, we’ll see” he chuckles and despite him burying his face into your thighs you can see the way his grin grows ever-so wider.

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅⋆｡°

While Yeonjun chased his dream of being the biggest rockstar the world had ever known, you worked as a dishwasher just downstairs and occasionally picked up any odd jobs you could find when you had the time.

You didn’t mind being the breadwinner– after all, you were content just being by your lover's side.

Yeonjun would come home in the early hours of the morning, returning from his latest gig that his small band managed to grab.

He’d quietly push open the door to your apartment, he'd set his guitar down with care on the floor and slip off his boots as silently as he could manage, mindful not to disturb your sleep after a long day of work.

He was always a gentleman, slipping beneath the covers beside you and gently pressing a tender kiss to your forehead as a silent apology for the missed "goodnight" texts he always promised to send but always ended up being too busy with his performances.

Your life with him wasn’t perfect, but regardless you had everything you could ever need.

It didn’t matter that the water always ran cold during the winter, the lack of heat or cool air circulation, the thin walls and loud neighbors, the constant sound of sirens running through the streets at night, or even the unstoppable growing mold in the corner of your bathroom.

You two were happy regardless of the trials this life had brought you.

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅⋆｡°

September 30th, Fall

You’re clutching that same old soft comforter, except this time echoes of soft laughter and plates clinking could be heard bouncing off the thin walls of your humble apartment.

Yeonjun lights the candle he had just bought, the scent of sandalwood filling the air as he finds his way to you.

“If you listen closely you can hear Mr. Wang snoring” Yeonjun whispers as he snuggles closer to your shaking form in an attempt to warm you both.

You toss another dumpling into your mouth and grin.

“Sometimes I wish that was all we heard at night. I don’t know how much longer I can stand his bed creaking on Fridays..” You snicker and that was all it took for your boyfriend to burst into a fit of giggles.

“Shhh! My love please!” You whisper loudly as you lean over your shared futon to cover his mouth.

Yeonjun holds back tears as he attempts to regain composure. You grab a dumpling from your plate and shove it into his mouth.

Your boyfriend happily munches as you sigh, a wide smile on your face despite wanting to be annoyed. “You think the restaurant will give us more if I head back down?” He looks down at his empty plate, stomach rumbling and his eyes look back at you. His face resembled a child getting caught doing something they weren’t supposed to, guilty look on his face.

You find yourself giggling at how cute he looks, hand reaching to gently caress his cheek. Yeonjun smiles and lets the food in his mouth peek out slightly.

“Aw jjunie thats gross!” You laugh, pushing him away.

Yeonjun laughs as well, cheekbones popping out in all their glory from the way his smile extends impossibly more and you feel yourself falling even more impossibly in love.

That ends up being how the both of you spend the rest of your night, attempting to remain silent so as not to get another noise complaint. Sharing jokes and silent tickle fights, the perfect distraction against the autumn weather.

If only your nights stayed like this forever.

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅⋆｡°

February 22nd or 23rd? You could never really remember the date.

Despite winter soon making it’s leave, you stay stuck inside the restaurant building with Yeonjun as the winter storm still roars on outside.

“Jjunie! I’m home!” You chirp as you open the door to your apartment.

Yeonjun looks up from his phone, laying on the worn couch you had both found on someone’s lawn with a sign that said ‘please take’. Despite your sour look Yeonjun somehow managed to convince you both to take it “looks like it’s still in good condition to me” he awkwardly smiled as he wiped off the remaining dust. 

You shake your head smiling at the memory.

“Hey, you. How was work?” He smiles and pats the empty spot next to him for you to sit.

“Same old, but it wasn’t that busy today. I even managed to take a nap in the freezer before Mr Wang noticed me.” You grinned.

Yeonjun lets out a chuckle and you crawl into his lap, resting your head on his shoulder.

He opens the blanket he was currently wrapped in and invites you in to join him in his little burrito.

You bury your face into his neck, inhaling that familiar scent you grew to love. Yeonjun places a hand on your back and rubs small circles as he plants a kiss on your hairline.

“Hey, I know that you’ve been out a lot. You know– busy with band stuff, but do you think you could maybe get a small side gig to help us out?” You looked at him with a nervous smile.

You knew Yeonjun took his band career seriously. He did everything he could to help, taking any small gig he and his bandmates could find. But most of the time it just felt like it wasn’t enough to pay the bills.

“Baby… we talked about this before.. You know I–” 

Before Yeonjun can finish his response, your conversation gets interrupted.

Creak

“What the–”

“Is that the roof?” Yeonjun squints his eyes as he looks at the wooden planks above him. You both sit in silence staring upwards, waiting for the odd sound to play again.

Nothing.

“Huh..” You lift yourself off your boyfriend and stand in the middle of your tiny living room, eyes still concentrated on trying to figure out where the sound was coming from.

..Creak…

“Ah shit–! Y/n look out!” Yeonjun jumps off the couch and grabs your wrist, pulling you towards him as part of your roof collapses right on top of the spot you were standing on. A fresh blanket of snow pouring in.

“Holy fuck, fuck fuck fuck–”

“Y/n are you okay?! Did you get hurt?!” His hands grab your face and his eyes are scanning for any injuries.

“I- I’m fine but our roof just fucking caved in!??! Shit, I could have been crushed!” Your jaw was practically dropped at the situation.

Yeonjun pulls away and walks towards the pile of wood and snow to assess the damage.

And as if right on cue, another fresh blanket of snow falls right on top of him. “AH!” Yeonjun yells, shaking off the remaining snow sitting on his head.

“Stupid fucking roof! I hate this damn apartment, not only do we not have any heat but we don’t even have a roof!”

“Pffft–!”

Yeonjun looks over and sees your face almost red, doubled over as you tried your best to keep in your laughter and he can’t help but feel his anger dissipate at the sight.

He hadn’t seen you laugh or smile like this in a while.

“You–! you look so stupid right now– I’m sorry!” You breathe out, falling on the couch as you let out a heavy laugh.

Your boyfriend beams, seeing you like this was better than any blanket or heater. His heart skips as you pull him in to lightly dust off the remaining snow.

So what if it took half of your savings jar and Yeonjun sacrificing almost a whole night of sleep to fix the roof? Every penny and splinter was worth seeing that priceless smile of yours.

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅⋆｡°

April 3rd, Spring. After two weeks of nonstop work, you finally had a day off the same day Yeonjun was home for the day.

You took the opportunity to splurge and eat in. You put on your favorite movie as you folded both of your laundry, Yeonjun making comments every now and then, pausing to get up and check on the stew you were making.

You found yourself wishing your days were like this more often. You knew he was busy and you respected that he wanted to chase his dreams, and who were you to get in the way of that?

Unbeknownst to you, Yeonjun had been silent the last few minutes.

Suddenly, you feel his figure scoot behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. “One day I’m gonna make enough money for us to get out of this dump.” He mumbles into your neck.

“Huh?” You looked up from the pile of clothing that you were attending to.

“You heard me, I’m gonna make it big. The day that I do, I’m gonna buy you brand new clothes, a cute dog, we’re gonna live in a mansion, and then get married.”

Your face flushes and you smile. This was the first time Yeonjun had ever mentioned marriage to you.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm, gonna be the biggest star this world will ever know. My face is gonna be plastered on every billboard. Then, we’ll have kids.. and then when I’m too old to perform, we’re gonna be so rich you’ll never have to work another day in your life” he grins.

“Feeling a little ambitious are we?” You giggle, raising an arm to pat his head. His hair felt soft, it had been so long since you ran your fingers through it. You find yourself closing your eyes as you begin to imagine your ideal future.

“Say whatever you want. It’s gonna happen!” Yeonjun raises a fist in the air, as if giving a speech to a crowd and you feel as if you couldn’t have been more in love with him in that moment.

One day, he’s gonna be in front of a real crowd, the largest one he’s ever seen, and you swear you’ll be front row cheering him on.

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅⋆｡°

May 16th, Spring.

You throw his bag down in frustration. “So this entire fucking time you were just going out and having fun? Drinking with your bandmates while I’m here working my ass off trying to keep a roof over our heads?!”

Yeonjun sighs and grits his teeth.

“No. I’m not just going out and having fun. Yes, I admit! Sometimes we’re out of luck and Soobin can’t get us a fucking gig. We go to a place and have a few drinks to destress, but I promise you I am trying my hardest! I do everything I can to get a shitty gig, I hang out with other douchebag bands so we can get connections y/n! Con-nec-tions! You ever fucking heard of that?!”

Another argument, the 4th night in a row.

This time you were cleaning around the apartment, finding Yeonjun’s bag as he took his shower before heading out for the evening to meet with his bandmates. ‘A huge meeting talking about an upcoming event they’re going to perform at’ he claimed.

You open his bag, knowing that he’d appreciate you cleaning up the trash he had inside. He trusted that you wouldn’t toss any of his half-written lyrics or important documents anyway.

That’s when you see it, three– no four– crumble receipts inside the inner pocket. You unscramble them to see they’re all charges from bars. Not just the same one, but multiple, containing only large orders of alcoholic drinks with the occasional snack to go along.

Anger consumes you before you think rationally, and as Yeonjun walks out of the shower with just a towel around his waist shaking his wet black hair, you shove the receipts in his face.

After minutes of back and forth, the tension grows immensely thicker. And before you both even notice, it all turns into a yelling match. 

He explains that it’s due to him not being able to find proper gigs as of recently, and how drinking will destress him, going off on a rant about how it’s normal in the industry to drink with managers and other bands to get a good rep. “Do you even fucking care about us!? We live in a dump! I had to call someone to fix our dishwasher three times last month! What if I get fired or laid off? We’re just gonna live on the fucking streets?! Be realistic Yeonjun! Be fucking realistic!”

“Maybe the issue is you don’t care y/n.. You just don’t understand that I’m serious! I’m taking this shit all seriously! I’m sorry I can’t find a proper job right now, but I need just more time.. And if you can’t respect my dream then honestly.. Maybe I should just fucking go right now for good.”

You couldn’t even respond. The tears in your eyes began to drip down and Yeonjun could only watch as your eyebrows furrow more, face scrunching up in an attempt to hide the frustration you were feeling.

He knew you hated crying, especially in front of him.

Had your eye bags always been so deep?

Yeonjun’s lips part and you hear his breath hitch the second it all starts crashing down on him. 

He stares at how disheveled your hair is. The way your skin looked so pale and almost blue under the dim light of the moon from your opened blinds. He remembers the way he used to kiss up your sunkissed arm the first few months you both moved into your tiny apartment. Letting the sun shine through the windows as you both danced slowly to whatever bossanova song played through your vintage radio.

Those first few months of summer were golden. They were warm like your skin on his when he woke up in the morning to you with his arms wrapped around your waist. Now your skin looked cold, dull, and you looked stretched thin.

How could he have just noticed all this? He was living with you the whole time.

In reality, he stopped being present a long time ago.

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅⋆｡°

The following days Yeonjun was nowhere to be seen.

You cried every day, constantly looking over to the door to see if he would just waltz in, big grin as he held a golden contract to a label over your head. You glanced over at the couch often, expecting your lover to be sitting as usual on his phone or hunched over writing whatever lyrics he could muster.

You called and texted but no response was ever given. Even if you had a car, not that walking would stop you, you had no idea of his whereabouts. Where would you even begin to look?

Then finally at the end of the week, Yeonjun returns home.

You weren’t there when he arrived, you still had to work despite the fact that things were rough. So when you return that night, all that’s left is your stuff and a note.

To my dearest y/n, Sorry for everything. I hope you understand that I need to do things my way right now. This is stupid but I'm sure you can imagine where this is going. Maybe in the future we’ll find each other again, but as of right now, I have to leave. If you need me you have my number,  See you around baby -Yeonjun

𐙚 ‧₊˚ ⋅⋆｡°

Shortly after, you find yourself moving out of that old apartment. You never texted or called Yeonjun, and he never did so to you either.

As time goes by and the seasons pass, you can’t help but wonder where he ended up.

Did he continue to seek that dream he always wanted?

Maybe being with you was his biggest dream all along,

He just didn’t know it then.

Deep down Yeonjun wished he could have shown his appreciation for you more. How much he wished to give you a better life, to be a better boyfriend. How much he wished that on those nights when he’d arrive late in the morning hours, you’d wake up to see him giving you those gentle kisses, or how he’d double check to make sure the blanket was properly covering your sleeping figure.

Oh, how Yeonjun would never know about those faded photographs you still have saved from your old polaroid camera. Both of you with wide smiles as you sat in the pile of snow in the middle of your living room. You often found yourself wishing you could go back. Go back to when things were simpler, go back to that summer you moved in that tiny apartment.

As these nights go on, so does time. Therefore the tears that you find yourself wiping away eventually dry, and you let these memories go with a sigh. They carry themselves away along with the gentle breeze that whispers through your open window. And as that sandalwood candle’s wick flickers out, you realize so does the love you once held for him.

[yellowocaballero]

hi I am one of the people who read your no chip au (and serendipitously reread it pretty recently). I am delighted by the prospect of getting to read more (even better??), you have such a wonderful ability to write characters in any setting who suck so badly in ways that are so so interesting. obi-wan had a father figure it was cody that's just what dads are like.

THANK YOU SO MUCH I love hearing that I'm good at writing people who suck interestingly. That is genuinely usually my main goal. I do it on purpose.

There's a lot of reasons why. I think partly just because the stuff I write is usually character-focused, which means that characters need to be the source of drama and conflict, which means that a story is at its most Dramatic if a character is falling off the bad decisions tree and hitting every branch on the way down. Dysfunction is just more interesting than function. But that doesn't mean they have to suck, right? Evil isn't necessarily more interesting than goodness. I find that the reasons why I chase goodness are often far more complex than the reasons I hurt people. Chasing goodness is arduous, intensive, exhausting, and time-consuming work. We need strong motivation to do it.

But I think that's why. I do think of the guys as people who suck, interestingly. But the people I write I think are, by the end of the story, chasing goodness. The path towards chasing goodness is hard. I think we (Tumblr, especially) talks about goodness as if it's an innate desire, that we are naturally good and that evil is a deviation from our natural state of goodness, and that's probably true in an evolutionary sense. Babies are altruistic. But I think that thinking of good as something that good people do can leave us complacent to the great harm that good people are capable of. Goodness is a path you have to find for yourself, and we tend to believe we've found it before we actually do.

OBI-WAN HAD A FATHER FIGURE IT WAS CODY THAT'S JUST WHAT DADS ARE LIKE.

I spent too much verbiage on this post to start dissecting Cody here because that is such a fucking long post - it is, maybe, a 9 story and 200k+ word post [I said 100k before but I was very wrong] - but it's absolutely a story about the ruin love makes of a life. I have, however, been informed that Cody is what East Asian parents are like, specifically. If it's fathers specifically, it's because Cody is an authoritarian. He does great and immense amounts of harm to pretty much everybody throughout the story, and he does it because he loves you, and he does it because he is a fascist, and he does it because being a fascist is the only way he knows how to love you.

I find that (hyperspecifically?) fanfic has issues treating both parents and children as fully realized people and characters simultaneously. This is because fanfic authors tend to skew younger, lmfao, but also because the wish fulfillment tropes used tend to flatten people. Either the parent is an embodiment of our wish fulfillment works for the great parent or a cartoonish devil of evil parenting specifically set up so the perfect parent can swoop in (I fucking hate Batfam fics.), or the child is an accessory for the elementary school teacher/single dad meet-cute trope. Either way, the 'right' parenting is not flawed, and parents are rarely people. And forget about having, like, fascists, be people.

I'll always be sympathetic to Cody. He was a victim of fascism, and his only true desire was to save his family from the pain they were entrenched in. He made hard decisions because he prioritized his family being alive and safe, at the expense of his own soul. I can't blame him for what he did. He had lost so many people and he couldn't stand to lose any more.

And what he did made him actually the supervillain of the entire story, caused every conflict, and hurt everyone around him. It's a sincerely messy situation with a sincerely messy person, and it's a tragedy that would not have happened if Cody's life had been kinder.

I hope that people have empathy for the ways in which Cody and Ben are messed up. There's pain and love in equal measures there.

Also this is both a play on Luke and Vader's relationship (obviously - the Q of what do you do when you have a supervillain dad?) AND a deconstruction of the cutsey family funtimes Dad!Vader and Cutiepie!Luke stories because, I also have them as a guilty pleasure don't get me wrong, having an actual supervillain for a dad CANNOT ACTUALLY BE FUN and no matter how nice and kind he is to you, everything surrounding him has to be SO DAMAGING -

[konigsblog]

That mlmxreader blog also keeps claiming that you're sending your followers to go attack them and send death threats. They do a lot of arguing that your dark fic is not real dark fic and that you're purposely trying to trigger and retraumatise them - is what I gathered looking at a couple posts...

I think that for one, there are definitely writers who do romanticise some topics unhealthily with things such as rape/assault/torture, but I don't think you're one of those people? Like you frequently tag and keep stating that what you're writing is fiction, it's fantasy.

On that note, they keep trying to argue that CNC is the more "moral" kink to be writing vs. rape. I honestly think that rape fantasy is something people do fantasize about and can sometimes just not be CNC (bc they keep trying to pin it back to that kink). It's the fact that there's no established relationship and discussion like in most BDSM pairings where they talk about rape play. At the end of the day, you tag your works properly. I don't see much issue with writing what you want when you make sure to tag (which you do!) and are aware the subject you're writing about and its usual connotations (which you're also aware!). People can be mad and uncomfortable, but at the end of the day it's them who chose to keep talking about it. I think people need to get used to being uncomfortable on the internet. This is not a new concept and nobody here is a "hero" for anything.

Sorry I just paraphased some posts and asks with some of my own thoughts on it!

i mean, my content is supposed to be dark, it's dark content for a reason, and i'm not describing these characters to be standard; i'm writing them manipulative, vindictive, depraved, ect. i do appreciate you, anon, as you weren't rude, and instead polite. i appreciate it, my dear! 💗

i don't really care about this whole thing, but something i have never said was to send death threats. now, we don't know if they're lying – they could be – but, if they aren't, stop. i didn't tell anyone to send death threats, because i don't condone that. aside from death threats and mocking someone's trauma, i seriously don't care what you want to do. whether you don't block them, block them, whatever, they've made multiple posts directly insulting me in weird ass ways, so i couldn't really care about their immature opinion.

i'd like to point out something they said though, kinda funny, considering they've mentioned me multiple times outside of their callout post. they said they made ONE post about me with examples, that would be their callout post. but, they're not counting how they're talking about me in response to anons, or how they're mentioning me in their hashtags. it's childish. yes, you 100% have the right to not enjoy a certain kink/coping mechanism (because funnily enough, people use different ways to copes) but it's immature to name people, talk about how what i'm doing is "disgusting" or how i'm a "vile cretin" (like what lmfao 😭)

here's some screenshots of what i'm talking about when i say they've even insulted me, or made comments. this is 4/11 screenshots.

and comparing my supporters to an iof soldier... 😬 wtf is wrong with you? that's disgusting.

now, if anyone sends this to @mlmxreader, go ahead and let them know that they're not the centre of the world, them multiple posts taking about me and insulting me is immature on their end.

[bucknastysbabe]

Hiii can you write anything where like the reader is Aemond’s older sister, she’s kinda a bitch to him (in the way older sisters always are, not like vile just rude and sometimes mean but like in a “only I can make fun of him” way), but they’re betrothed and it’s their wedding night and she’s nervous

Lmfao I love Aemond and characterizing his persona of I Am The Toughest Targ Ever But I Am Socially Awkward. Thanks for the request, hope you enjoy xoxo

Get a load of this guy!

Rating: Explicit at the end. Other than that SFW

Tags: Teasing, Incest, Frottage, pnv!sex, Aemond’s religious issues, Aemond’s social issues, targaryen!Sister, background sibling stuff aka Aegon is still an idiot, she’s mean but loves him

You poked him in the shoulder in court. More of a jab really. Aemond’s sulky purple eyes glared at you. He mouthed, “What?” You smirked and leaned down, as he hadn’t hit his growth spurt yet and whispered, “Bow a bit harder to father and you might lick his boots next time.”

Aegon dissolved into a fit of snickers, hiding his smile behind a ringed hand. Helaena held hands with mother, staring off into the distance. Aemond grimaced and hissed, “Very funny. At least I show some decency.” He held his pointed chin up high, but you could see the embarrassed flush on his cheeks.

You grinned and shoved him, earning a sharp look from mother.

You sat with your father and Lord Strong, watching Aemond twirl his sword around. You had to admit he had…grown into a handsome young man. He was your betrothed. At some point it might’ve been Jacaerys, but that ended long ago with the loss of your brother’s eye. Seeing your nephew gawk at the much more skilled, handsome, and elegant Aemond made you not question the betrothal one bit.

“Nephews? Have you come to train,” he called with that dead serious look he always held.

The boys looked apt to soil their breeches. You would too, especially if you were little Luke. They stared in shock. You smirked and leaned over the stone, shouting, “Better run lads! Aemond here is of the touchy sort!” That got a smile on their face but a sword pointed up at you.

Your brother frowned deeply, brow furrowed. He sourly replied, “You’re a very becoming jester sister!” You shrugged and laughed, Viserys’ own laughing dissolving into a haggard cough. Aemond snapped back around to get settled by Ser Criston. He was so easy to rile up, regardless of how Aemond tried to act calm and collected.

Still, he was doing better than drunkard Aegon. Drunkard Aegon was entertaining in his own ways, but no fit for a king. Everyone knew that. You hoped Rhaenyra could take the throne and that was that. Emphasis on hoped.

Your mother had informed you that the wedding was to be rushed forward. She claimed both you and your brother were past age to procreate, since Hel and Aegon had already pushed out three. You raised a brow, wondering if Alicent considered she was 19 when she had Aegon. Aemond was eighteen and you twenty. Plenty of time.

“No more questions my child,” Alicent said.

You nodded, flexing your fingers to stare at your nails. It was something to focus on. Viserys’ ill health was the real reason. You opened your mouth to speak, earning a smack to the hand.

Still you uttered.

“Aemond know?”

“Yes.”

Fuck.

Aegon was plastered. Again. But that was perfect for you to get any information on your soon-to-be forever twerp’s sexual history. He lazed on a bench in Maegor’s Holdfast, stinking of the streets and sex. You wrinkled your nose and kicked him in the thigh.

He spluttered and hazy violet eyes stared up at you. Aegon sleepily slurred, “Whahyowan?” Rolling your eyes you sat down and tucked your legs to the side. You probably smelt of dragon, hopefully the dullard wouldn’t puke. Petting back his wild locks you said, “You took Aemond to a brothel, yes?”

His pouty lips curled into a tipsy grin, manic laugh bubbling out into the high ceiling. Aegon mused, “Yea! Like a’lil maid’n!” You moved your gloved hand in jerks to get him to keep talking. Aegon sat up a little and hummed, “Ya’ scared Aem’s gonna be impotent?” He shrugged, “Refused ta’ go back w’me but he can get the job done, dear sis!”

You flatly stared while the prince giggled and slapped his knee in hysteria.

“Ha-ha very funny Aegon. Good news he’ll be able to get it up,” you poked him, “Unlike someone I know!” Aegon gaped for a moment before laughing harder, clutching his stomach. You couldn’t help but join in with him, he had always kept you laughing.

A couple days before the wedding you approached Aemond in the library. He was pouring over scrolls per usual, one eye intense and rapidly moving across the words. He stiffened and sat up, primly addressing you, “Princess.”

You hopped onto the wooden table, placing your hand over his readings. Aemond huffed, crossing his arms and pursing fine lips. In an exasperated tone he asked, “Will you drop the terrorizing older sibling act when we are to be wed?” You almost laughed in his face before registering the tone of uncertainty, the dead honesty in his eye.

Slowly, softly, and quite nervously you placed your hand over his much bigger one. Aemond inhaled sharply, tilting his blonde head away. You sighed, “You know I mean nothing by teasing you right? It’s just fun to see the golden child get flustered.”

Aemond narrowed his one eye, lovely hair swaying as he snapped his head up, but didn’t move his hand away. He stated, “Golden child. Hm.” His jaw ticked as the second son thought over your words. You leaned in with a secretive smile, whispering, “Well obviously Aegon’s not fit and Hel is taking care of his kids, playing with bugs.”

Aemond scoffed at your dismissal of Helaena. He filled in, cocking his head, “What does that make you then? The troublesome elder sister who should’ve had offspring by now?” You smacked his shoulder lightly in dismay.

“Easy now Aemond,” you teased. His lips quirked slightly, that cute blush from embarrassment rearing it’s head. He stared at you quietly, cheeks pinkened. You raised a brow, nervously joking, “What? Why are you looking like that?”

The chair scraped back with a jolt, you yelped and jumped in surprise. Aemond’s big hands covered your shoulders as hard lips pressed to your own. He softened slightly, you moving your lips against his own. Your hand came up to tilt his head so his nose would stop mashing against yours. Little fool.

The kiss grew heated, Aemond’s hands squeezing softly. He tentatively lapped against your tongue, you gasping in excitement. The pair of you lazily moved together, pressing closer and closer. Your brother made a soft sigh, twirling his tongue against your own. You spread your legs to let him closer. He grunted and gripped harder, growing desperate. When you reached down to palm his hard length Aemond pulled back with a sharp gasp, readjusting himself.

You gasped in shock, biting out, “The hells Aem? Something wrong with you?”

He heaved, composing himself back to that cold demeanor. Aemond declared snootily, “We must wait until our wedding. As the gods intended.” A purple eye flicked down while he continued, “I think it’s best if you go for now.”

You were annoyed now. The bastard got you riled up and your cunt wet. What did it matter if the wedding was days away? You snapped, “Others take you! Do you always have to be so damn proper? Imp.”

Indignantly hopping down the table you couldn’t help but feel scorned, tugging your stays into place. Aemond stood stiff as a board, like his obviously interested cock in his trousers. He avoided your angry glare. You scoffed and stomped off. Atleast you knew he was hung.

You were properly wed now. Also very clothed with your nuisance of a brother pacing around— clothed too. He had forbidden the usual bawdy act of the bedding ceremony. Aegon had loudly complained the entire time, damn pervert. Nerves shook your body. Aemond muttered to himself, “Okay. Duty. I will fulfill my duty.”

You began to take off your beautiful dress, a bit dejected at his utilitarian approach to this. You had hoped the passion he had in the kiss earlier this week would come back.

Once your second stocking was off Aemond stopped pacing and gawked at you. He deadpanned, “What are you doing?” You spat, “Undressing myself so you can ‘fulfill your duty’ husband!” He looked upset, lips pursing in distaste. Aemond said almost imperceptibly, “Wait.”

You stopped and raised a brow. He came closer, now much larger frame crowding your own. He murmured, “That’s my job to undress my wife.” Your gaze softened, a hand reaching blindly for Aemond’s calloused one. You squeezed his hand gently.

As if struck by a force Aemond lifted and pushed you onto the bed. He yanked off his boots frantically, calling, “One second, okay? Stay still.” You couldn’t help but laugh, some of the nerves dissipating at the rigid brother hopping around stripping like a madman. Your laugh stopped as his hardened body was revealed to your eyes.

Fuck. He was handsome. That cock was terrifying to think about fitting inside of you. He stilled and asked, “I know I’m all scarred-,” you interrupted and hissed, “Take off the damn patch and undress me like you promised.”

He did so and busied himself ridding your dress and underclothes with steady hands. You complimented, “I love the sapphire, dolt.” He smacked your bare ass, yanking off your chemise. You moaned at the sharp pain, cunt beginning to ache.

Aemond flipped you over and crawled onto the bed, his sureness melting away. Like your own as the gravity of the situation hit you. Man and wife, naked as the day they were born, about to consummate their union. You shook with anxiety, panting under his strong body.

Aemond blinked slowly before saying, “It’s just your ‘imp’ of a brother, relax.” You closed the gap between your faces, closing into his lips like before. Aemond settled between your thighs, hard cock slotting against your bare cunt. Both of you gasped into the kiss, hands running wild across pale bodies. You deepened the kiss, licking inside Aemond’s warm mouth.

He responded with a low noise and a rut against your slick entrance. The tip of his cock drug against your bundle of nerves, drawing a surprised whine out of you. Aemond seemed to smile against your mouth, doing it again, even grabbing your hips to get a better angle.

You wrapped your thighs around his slim waist, moaning softly. Everything felt so nice. You nipped Aemond’s lip and begged, “Aem, Aem, ah- kiss my neck?” He hummed and lowered his mouth down your jaw and to the sensitive thin skin of your throat.

You threw your head back and let out a long whine, rutting back against him roughly. Your belly was tightening like it did when you pleasured yourself late, late at night. Aemond groaned quietly, sucking a mark onto your collarbone, one of his hands curiously groping your breast.

Your clit was growing more sensitive from the friction, gasping out, “Fuck! Aemond you better not stop!” He laughed breathily, “I won’t dear sister.” He snapped his hips a couple more times before you cried out and locked your thighs tight around him. Your cunt pulsed and wetted further along his cock.

Aemond groaned, “Gods, fucking hells. I need to fuck you.”

You nodded in a heated daze, begging, “Yes, yes, fuck me brother.”

He reached down to ease himself in, breathing going stuttered and harsh. You whined at the pinch, clinging to his wide shoulders, grabbing onto long blonde hair. He slid in until fully seated as best as he could in your tight pussy, desperately panting and kissing.

“Oh my,” was all he could utter.

The pair of you kissed until Aemond began to stroke into your now relaxed body. The pain had subsided, your slick easing the way. He gritted out against you, “Not- fuck- going to last my lady.” You babbled, “Don’t care, go wild you idiot.” He growled and wetly slapped harder into you, balls hitting your ass. You smiled— still so easy to piss off that one.

Aemond roughly fucked you, focusing all his energy like in the training yard. You yanked at his silky strands, moaning with abandon, crying his name with delight.

“That’s it! Fuck! Yes brother!”

Aem slapped your ass again, biting your lip until it bled. He groaned, “Yeah? Good?” You nodded with an echo, “Yes, s’good!” Aemond’s eye seemed to roll up as he fucked deeper, face falling to the sweaty crook of your neck. He grabbed so hard at your waist it would bruise later, snapping his hips with feral grunts.

You praised him along, the twitching of his cock growing more frequent. Aemond panted, “Close.” Squeezing around his length, you kissed at the tender scar around the bad eye. Your younger brother slammed into you a final time, filling you with his hot seed. The blonde rasped your name in a low timbre, mumbling nonsense as he shook.

He relaxed and slumped onto you, petting your hair in a haze. You’d never seen your brother so worn out, pliant. He sucked in breath, palms soothing the skin where he was practically tearing at your waist. You sighed at the feeling of completeness. It was done, and quite fantastic at that.

You couldn’t help but pinch Aemond’s sharp cheek and tease, “If only you fucked as well as you interact with others.” His annoyed grumble lit up your heart. So, so easy.

[silvervioletvalentine]

•The trouble with love•

Pairing : Sidney Crosby x Cherrie!

Word count : 11k

Summary : in which she’s trouble and he really should have known better than to fall in love with his best friends little sister.

Warnings: a Lil angst in the beginning. Nothing too bad. Mentions of using drugs , cherries a party girl who likes to self destruct instead of facing her own feelings. Age gap. If that’s not your thing then simply don’t read! She’s 22/23 though. So legal and nothing wrong about it at all. (My daddy issues coming through big time in this me thinks lmfao). Also, when I write these. I only see them as face claims. I’m not writing their personalities because I don’t know them in real life nor do I want to. So don’t be a numbskull. It’s called fanfic for a reason. I write this shit in my own time for free, for my own entertainment to escape my shitty little life for a while. Writing is supposed to be fun, just like reading it is. Not perfect . So be kind or fuck off! Enjoy xoxo

Sidney knew that she was home as soon as he opened the door to her brothers place and smelt the same vanilla and coconut scented perfume that she had been wearing for as long as he had known her.

A small smile twitching at his lips as he took in the sight of her perfectly pristine , dark red , satin heels at the door. Some designer that he recognised vaguely , alongside her Chanel bag hung up on the rack and her usual leather jacket.

He hung his own jacket up beside hers , then dug his hand into his jeans pockets to pull out a small pack of travel sized haribo bears that he knew she loved , he quickly made work of sliding the small packet into her Chanel bag.

Stealing a quick nosy look inside while he was at it, his eyebrow arching at the sight of her fancy perfume , a row of condoms , cigarettes that definitely weren't just nicotine , some lipstick and then...a amethyst crystal at the bottom of the bag.

He slowly shook his head in amusement to himself as he carefully closed it, running a hand through his hair and smoothing out any wrinkles in his shirt before taking a deep breath, preparing himself to deal with her usual attitude and snarky remarks .

It had been almost three months since he had last seen Cherrie and he had honeslty missed her sarcasm and her bitchiness. Somebody to bicker with that didn't give a single shit as to who he was. She laid into him hard , often leaving his ego and pride in pieces for her own entertainment. No matter how many times her brother told her to leave him alone and play nice , she flat out refused.

Because as long as Sidney had known Jacob , her brother , his little sister had never really been very fond of him at all. He don't really know what he had done at first , wondering if perhaps his disgust towards her favourite boy bands when she was eighteen had pissed her off so badly that she felt the need to form a lifelong vendetta against him.

He genuinely didn't know . He had asked her brother about it once , wondering if he knew why his sister hated him so much and his answer has been simple ,

a Casual shrug with a apathetic  "she's like that. A bitch sometimes but she's a good person ...just not a great one." And that was that.

And despite being older than her and knowing better. Sidney couldn't help but snap back at her all the time she gave him her little attitude , couldn't help but bite and give into her goading , bickering with her until she finally got bored and wandered off somewhere. Leaving him with a scowl and fidgeting on his seat , wondering how she could get underneath his skin so easily . Wondering why he couldn't seem to control his mouth or his emotional urges whenever she was around .

He didn't get it, don't want to really. Because Cherrie was annoying , mouthy and had a huge stick shoved up her ass as far as he was concerned . She lived to torment other people , got entertainment when people tripped over , laughed when somebody cried and was all around a little asshole to be around.

So really, he should want absolutely nothing to do with her. And the only reason that he should tolerate her was because he was such good friends with her brother. He should just give a polite hello and leave her alone because she was nothing to him, just his friends annoying little sister . That was all.

At least, that was what it should have been. But this was Cherrie. Stubborn , mouth and insanely beautiful Cherrie that seemed to be heading down a path towards destruction for a while now.

And she got him, because of course she did. She was an little asshole like that.

So despite knowing how wrong it was and how much he shouldn't get involved and how he should just leave trouble alone. He still found himself thinking of her whenever she wasn't around.

He found himself double checking her socials to see what she was up to or who the new boyfriend of the month was (which then he got into a terrible loop of checking out these boyfriends and being horrified by her type: which was assholes. Class A ones that were older and quite frankly not worth a second glance). And then because he couldn't help himself , and knowing how much she didn't want her older brother to know what she was doing , having blocked him on everything and hardly ever staying in contact while she was out of town.

Sidney would snitch on her . Plain and simple. He would snapshot the photo of her with some rich, thirty year old asshole that she definitely shouldn't   have been hanging around (especially when criminally convicted wives : yes multiple: we're still involved.) and simply because he couldn't stand the rush of anger and the ugly feelings that would stir within him whenever he saw her with some asshole that want worth her time , but he knew that he couldn't say anything. Couldn't tell her who not to date , he definitely couldn't tell her why he didn't want her to be anywhere near them.

But her brother could. So Sidney told him and then sat back and watched as she got scolded like a little child , all the while she glared at him hatefully knowing fully well that he was the reason her brother knew all of her business .

Then she would turn to him and lay into him too, running off her dirty mouth and cursing him out until her brother had to literally eject her from the room.

And then Sidney would feel a little bit whole again because when she was screaming at him, when she was bickering with him and giving him her attitude, it meant that she was home. She wasn't running around god knows where with god knows who while getting into trouble .

It meant that she was there, with him, giving him her attention again. Even if it was negative and mean, Sidney just liked her being there. Liked seeing her safe and in the flesh, liked seeing the flush to her cheeks each time she got mad at him. Liked seeing her squirm and lie when she was asked what she had been up to lately. Liked seeing the way she swore to hate him but still followed him around, just to annoy him.

And Sidney knew that it was wrong, he really did. He should leave her alone and he definitely shouldn't have been getting involved.

She was trouble . Big trouble. She was younger , mouthy and a mean, little bitch when she wanted to be. And she was also his best friends little sister. That should have been enough to turn him in the opposite direction running.

But either he was insanely stupid or he was ...insanely stupid. Because he kept coming back and hoping that she would be there too. He kept provoking her , kept getting involved and stirring the pot . And he knew exactly why he was doing it, had known for a while now but he refused to acknowledge his feelings, refused to admit what was really going on. Rationalising it as just wanting to mess with his best friends little sister, annoy her a little. Because he could and that was okay.

She wasn't eighteen anymore, she was twenty two and she was giving him just as much hell as she did back then. If not more. Because somehow she had gotten even more arrogant over the years , something he hadn't thought was possible. He was surprised that her head even fit through the door, she was the little princess who always got what she wanted now. Even if she got it in the most unconventional of ways.

Sidney sighed, ran his fingers through his hair again before finally entering the front room. Spotting said princess already on the couch in matching shorts and top, blanket around her legs as she watched Harry Potter on the big tv . Her brother was cooking dinner in the kitchen , giving Sid a grin and nod as soon as he saw him.

"Hey Sid! You hungry? I'm making pasta." He said ever the friendly guy.

Sidney chuckled as he kicked off his shoes, nodding his head . "Yeah. Sounds good." He said.

Cherrie scoffed frown the couch, not even glancing up from her phone as she muttered moodily  "sounds boring. He should look up salt and pepper seeing as his spice rack is just that..a rack. Empty and bland . Prepare to choke Crosby."

Her brother didn't even blink , simply slamming the kitchen door shut so he couldn't even see or hear them anymore. Not wanting to deal with her today.

Sidney chuckled as he took a seat beside her "in a lovely mood as usual I see." He commented amusedly , taking in her perfectly curled hair and shiny skin. Even when she was cozying up on the couch, she looked like she just come out of some press shoots. A pampered princess indeed.

Cherrie glanced up from her phone so he could see her roll her eyes at him, pulling a unimpressed face in return.

"What's the point of having your own home if you're never there?" She snarked.

He rose a brow at her then, watching her go back to texting. His curiosity peaked as he wondered just who she was talking to.

"You wouldn't know what thats like though would you? How's living at mommy and daddy's going for you?" He smirked back at her, tongue in cheek to stop himself from laughing when she immediately took the bait.

Scoffing as she threw her phone aside to glare at him, kicking his thigh to get him away from her. She huffed "fuck you. Eat dick asshole." She spat at him.

He snorted "now that you know all about. What happened to the last boy toy? Kill him with your hair rollers?" He teased her , pulling at the gold ankle bracelet on her leg.

The same one that he had gotten her for Christmas . It had stars and penguins on it , a small C charm too. For Cherrie. He had said. Lying to himself because he knew exactly what the C stood for. His chest filled with warmth every time he saw her wearing it.

She was picky with her jewellery , refusing to wear anything that wasn't real gold or diamonds . So to see her wearing the anklet he got filled him with some unfamiliar emotion, because she had deliberately put it on. Did she even take it off? Did she wear it whe he wasn't around? Or did she just wear it when she knew he was coming? His mind ran with a million thoughts, all of which he knew he shouldn't be having.

Cherries eye twitched as she sat up, swiftly kicking his hand off her ankle. She knelt up on her knees and leaned forward on the couch , hands outstretched her in front of her.

"No but I'm going to kill you Crosby!" She threatened him , jumping at him. As though she was going to strange him.

As soon as her small hands wrapped around his neck, Sidney was laughing . Head thrown back as she squeezed his throat with hardly any pressure at all, glaring down at him as he giggled.

Then she let out a sharp gasp as he wrapped his arms around her waist and turned her over quickly so that her back was to his chest , her body sliding down as she wiggled and tried to push him off. But he was too quick for her .

"Ooo so scary princess!" He mocked her as he got her into a loose headlock, ruffling her perfect hair with his fist. Laughing as a she screeched and cursed him out , slapping at him with a scowl on her pretty face . Looking murderous but still so beautiful  .

"Fuck you!" She yelled as she tried To get him off, slapping at his thigh, hard. He barely even flinched.

He Just snickered as he hugged his arms around the front of her shoulders, jokingly hugging her as he swayed them from side to side on the couch.

"No thanks. I know where you've been." He snarked. Gasping a laugh when she laid a hard punch to his side, forcing him to let go or be winded.

She rolled out of his lap with a glare , huffing and puffing as she tried to fix her messed up hair .

"Jealous that I'm getting laid? Not a good look on you babe." She tossed back at him. Crossing her arms over her chest, stood in front of him now. Looking down her nose at him.

He just leaned back into the couch lazily, smirking up at her as he got comfortable . Looking up at her in amusement , enjoying how quick to bite she was. She was the only person he could bicker with like this and know that he would 100% be getting that shit back at him. She was nasty.

"I'm babe now am I? Should I call you sweaty? Honey pie?" He teased her. Chest glowing with pride as he watched her face flush as she realised her little slip up .

Immediately rolling her eyes as she looked away from him stubbornly even though his eyes never left her.

"Call me that and they'll have to roll you out on the ice asshole." She warned him dangerously . Stomping around the couch to get away from him.

He tilted his head to watch her leave "it's been a pleasure as always princess!" He called out to her in amusement. Finally feeling relaxed how that she was back where he could see her.

He heard her groan as she stomped down the hallway to her room "eat shit Sidney!" She yelled back at him before he heard her door slam shut.

He grinned just as her brother came out of the kitchen, shaking his head at him with a scornful look on his face as he handed him a bowl of pasta.

"I don't know why you bother syd. She's been extra bitchy since she broke things off with tony." He told him with a sigh as he sat down.

Sidney stopped grinning then, looking at her brother with a slight frown on his face as he nudged his pasta with his fork.

"That was his name?" He muttered unimpressed "the guy looked like a sleaze? He has two gold teeth Jacob.." he pointed out with a look of disgust "two! And two ex wives. And two criminal records . What was she even thinking?" He snapped . Shaking his head.

Jacob rose a brow at his quick mood change , just taking it as him being protective . Like he would be. Completely oblivious to his friends feelings for his little sister . But maybe that was for the best, Sidney would like to keep his kneecaps thank you.

"Are you forgetting what a sleaze my sister is as well Sid? She doesn't care. She'll get with anybody that shows her even the slightest bit of attention." He muttered barely even paying him attention. Gaze on the tv.

Sidney frowned at him "don't say that. She's still your sister man." He scolded him lightly . Stomach turning because he wasn't untrue .

Jacob just chuckled and rolled his eyes "I know she is but it's still true. She's a party animal. I keep trying to tell her to stop and slow down but she won't have it." He said.

He took a bite of his food and sighed "this is your dads fault." He mumbled grumpily after taking another bite , frowning even deeper. "He was a whore who didn't give her any attention. And now she's got daddy issues."

Jacob looked at him defensively, shocked. "dude that's my dad! It's not all his fault. He doesn't make her go out and make bad life choices!" He defended. Daddy's boy.

Sidney rose a brow at him , scoffing a little. Feeling his blood pressure rise just at the thought of her father, he had seen the way the man talked down to her as though she was some silly child that was too stupid to understand anything. Demeaning her feelings and refusing to give her any attention , because in his eyes she was a mistake. She wasn't a boy and she wasn't doing anything good with  her life.

Jacob was a successful businessmen with multiple yacht company's around the world. Cherrie dropped out of collage and partied every night and didn't turn up last Christmas. It was safe to say that there relationship was a little more than strained .

"He ignores her unless money is involved. The only time I've ever heard him even acknowledge her was when she was dating that businessmen that he liked." He reminded him firmly , because he hated the man.

"And what did he do when they broke up?" He looked at her brother pointedly , Jacob just sighing loudly in defeat .

"He called her a waste of space and told her that she needed to clean her act up or that she would be servicing men for a living. I mean-" his grip tightened around his fork in anger "what kind of father says that to his sweet daughter who's just trying to navigate the world and doing her best?" He spat before he could even stop himself. Forgetting for a moment just who he was taking to.

Jacob looked at him with wide eyes, blinking In shock. Not realising that his friend felt so strongly about this.

In fact , he had no idea that he even cared at all . "Sweet?" Was all he could repeat , surprised . "My little sister? The one who just tried to strangle you and told you to eat shit? That's the sweet little sister that you're talking about?" He laughed.

Sidney just rolled his eyes and shoved another forkful of food into his mouth so he didn't have to speak. His cheeks flushing from his little slip up that thankfully Jacob didn't think much of , easily getting distracted by the tv again. Leaving Sidney to wallow with his own thoughts, eyes straying to her bedroom door more than enough times.

It was on Friday that Sidney found out that Cherrie had been kicked out of her home . But it didn't stop the air from leaving his lungs as soon as he was told about it, looking at her brother with wides eyes as he entered Sid’s apartment , looking stressed.

"What do you mean they kicked her out?" He voiced incredulously . Mind running with worry as he pictured her slumming it with one of her asshole boyfriends somewhere .

What if she left town and never came back? Sidney felt the panic slowly creep beneath his skin as he wondered what the hell her plan was. Worse, he knew Cherrie , her plan would be terrible , dangerous and maybe illegal.

He groaned.

Jacob sighed , looking annoyed. "They found drugs in her room. So she's out." He simply summed up for him.

Sidney paused by the couch, hands on his hips to stop himself from pacing. He rose a brow at her brother curiously "like..how hard are we talking?" He asked, tilting his head .

Jacob winced "enough to make a horse do the moonwalk." He told him with pursed lips. Not happy at all.

Sidney’s eyes widened "no shit." He muttered with a frown, not happy either. "I thought she only smoked weed?" He was confused.

She had a bad trip a year ago on acid while partying and had refused to do hard drugs after that , she had sworn it to him when he had picked her up from the stupid party and hauled her high ass Back home while lecturing her the whole way. He had stopped for McDonalds for her twice on the way back while she sang a song about ponies to him.

It was a strange night.

Her brother laughed humourlessly "apparently she was dating a drug dealer and was looking after his stash. She's lucky that they didn't call the police ."

Sidney scoffed dryly "yeah . You're dad would just love to see her Locked up." He couldn't help but mutter. Because maybe if he hasn't neglected her, she wouldn't be running around with a drug dealer boyfriends all the time.

"Sidney.." her brother gave him a look.

He ignored it. Running a hand through his hair as he wondered out loud "where is she going to stay?she can't be out there with all her fancy stuff. What if she gets robbed or hurt-?"

Jacob cut him off "I think she's planning on staying at her boyfriends ." Seeing the disbelieving look on Sidney’s face, he quickly added. "A new one. Not the drug dealer." Like that would relax him.

Sidney just tensed up even further, eyes widening. "A new one? Already?" He couldn't believe it. She worked quick.

"And what is this one? A porn director? A 'musician'? Please tell me. Put my mind at ease."He sarcastically said.

Her brother hesitated , then answered him quietly "I think he's a pawnbroker-"

Sidney laughed loudly "oh that's great. Yeah- well she can kiss goodbye to all her designer things then. Don't be so stupid. She's not staying with him." He told him like he had any say in the matter.

Jacob gaped at him, shocked by how hard he was taking this . "What do you mean? Where else could she go? She's refusing to stay with me." He told him .

Sidney thought about it for a long moment then his face lit up. "Oh! She can stay in my apartment next door. That would be perfect right?" He gasped . Grinning at the thought of having her right next door to him, not having to worry about where she laid her head or if she was safe or not.

There was no safer place. Sidney had bought out the entire top floor of the apartment building for his own privacy and the only time that the apartment next door got used was when friends came to stay. So rarely. It was perfect but...

"Just maybe don't tell her that I own it." He told her brother sheepishly "otherwise she'll just tell me to go fuck myself again."

Jacob laughed and relaxed, easy agreeing . Just happy that his sister would have somewhere safe to live now.

True to his word Jacob didn't tell his sister about just who's apartment she would be staying in, leaving her to nearly lose her shit when she glanced up from her front door, where she was dragging In her large box of shoes , only to see Sidney coming out of the door next to hers.

She gasped "what the fuck? Are you stalking me?!" She immediately accused him. Standing straight again. Considering throwing one of her shoes at him for scaring her like that.

Her eyes narrowing when Sidney just chuckled, arms crossing over his chest as he looked her over , taking her in in her athletic shorts set. He smiled.

"I live here." He told her simply . Voice Curt and firm as he asked her next "and how is my favourite criminal?" Smirking at her slyly.

Her face dropped as she cursed "fucking snitch!" She cursed out her brother. Flushing red.

"he's lying!" She lied.

Sidney tilted his head at her in amusement "really? So you weren't hiding drugs for your drug dealer boyfriend then ?" He called out her bullshit.

She hesitated , then mumbled "ex boyfriend." Not denying it. "And it wasn't that big of a deal. I wasn't doing them just...holding onto them for him." She felt the need to let him know.

Sidney wasn't impressed. He took a step closer to her making her look up at him, lips parting a little as he got into her personal space.

"You could have gone to jail. It's a crime Cherrie . You know better than to do shit like that. Especially for some guy that doesn't even respect you." He muttered down to her unhappily.

Her heart was racing as she flattened her expression. Pursing her lips at him . Trying to act unaffected by him.

"He loved me." She weakly muttered.

Sidney chuckled a little meanly "he loved how easy you are." He snapped at her before he could stop himself .

And Cherrie scowled up at him, giving him a little angry shove as she spat "what's that supposed to mean?"

"It means it's Been only twenty four hours and you're already with someone new. Where do you even find these assholes?" He wanted to know. Was it asshole.com or something?

She scoffed and took a step away from him , reminding herself how to breathe normally. He shouldn't be affecting her like this.

And maybe she was easy because she was trying not to squirm in her damp panties as he sternly looked down his nose at her, his broad shoulders blocking her view as she glared up at him.

His eyes Stern and mouth set as he glared straight back at her. Not budging. and she hated how hot he looked then , hated how turned on she got whenever he got like this with her . Hated how much she liked it when he got bossy and when he got strict,  his mean comments and firm hand made her quiver in all the best ways .

She liked it when he tried to put her into her place , pointing out her fuck ups and calling her out on her bullshit. Nobody else did it like him.

She was a mess. "At least I can find someone. How's your love life Mr hockey? Find a way to fuck a puck yet?" She snarked at him. Defensive because he was right.

His eyes narrowed down at her dangerously , and he seemed even bigger then. She pressed her thighs together. Wincing.

"I'd rather be alone than tossed around and catching shit." He insulted.

She gasped sharply "I don't have anything! I get regularly rested." She snapped at him. Shoving him away from her but he barely even moved.

Instead he stood his ground and rolled his eyes at her , jaw clenching. "That's not the point. You need to be more careful Cherrie. These guys aren't nice. I don't wand anything to happen to you." He told her firmly .

She just scoffed , swallowing hard . "You would know all about the not so nice guys wouldn't you? Asshole." She huffed at him. Overwhelmed with what she felt then.

Sidney sighed and shook his head, finally backing up a step to let them both breathe again .

"I'm only trying to help." He muttered.

She turned away from him with a haughty sniff, leaning down to pick up her box of shoes. "Yeah well.. I don't need your help. I'm perfectly fine on my own Crosby!" She snapped at him kicking open her door.

He watched her stomp inside to put the box down before returning. Then they both stared at the heavy dresser that she had yet to bring inside .

Sidney hid his smirk behind his fist, clearing his throat instead.

"Want me to help bring it in?" He offered smugly .

She glared at him and shook her head "no." Then she tried to pick it up and failed miserably.

Sidney looked at her, Cherrie looked at everything but him. Then she sighed and mumbled quietly "please."

"Good girl." He mumbled smugly , as he walked over to help her bring it in.

Chuckling a little as he did so. Smirking at the way her cheeks flush red at his praise. "That wasn't so hard to say was it?" He mocked.

She gave him the middle finger. And as soon as she turned her back Sydney finally grinned to himself , relaxing now that she was there. Safe and okay. With him.

It didn't take long for them to settle into a routine . With Sidney staying out of her way and Cherrie going out of hers to make sure that he heard every little thing that she did in her apartment .

He had never realised just how popular she was until he was being kept up every night because of it , with their loud laughters and music all night. The creaking of her bed and the loud moans, the shouts and the drunken cries . The terrible singing and the rambles , the giggling girls and boorish guys who shouted like they were dying.

It had finally gotten to his nerves by week three , she barely spoke to him. Usually just giving him a Middle finger in passing . But he heard her alright .

And as he was staring down at the ridiculous pile of parcels that he had gathered while she was out, he finally had enough. Staying away wasn't working anyways . So he marched over there and let himself into her apartment without even knocking, he owned it . So he decided that it was perfectly fine for him to do so.

"Don't you know how to fucking knock jackass?!" She squealed at Him in shock as she jumped up off her couch. Staring at him with wide eyes.

Sidney just glanced around the apartment, teeth grinding as he took in the sight off all the mess of beer bottles and clothes strung everywhere, half of which he was certain weren't even hers. He glanced down at his foot and saw an empty condom rapper, and that was the last straw.

He snapped "you're a little witch! You've kept me up for weeks with your shit now! What the hell are you doing ? Don't you have any respect?!" He seethed. Pushing away the jealously and nasty feelings in his chest as he threw her parcels down onto the table angrily . Trying to calm down.

Cherrie paused , startled by his anger then she slowly walked over to him.

Scowling back "I haven't done anything wrong." She denied. Defensive.

Sidney let out a humourless laugh "I can hear everything Cherrie." Was all he has to stress for her to understand .

She went red and swallowed hard . Inhaling a little

Too sharply in shock as she let out a startled "oh." Realising just what he might have heard.

"Yeah. Oh." He scoffed shaking his head unkindly at her .

"No more of that shit do ya hear me?" He instructed her firmly . Not joking around this time. And she got it.

And for once in her life she listened. Nodding her head a little, not looking at him as she mumbled a embarrassed"okay." Shocking him into calming right down.

He frowned down at her, surprised by her lack of argument. "Okay? You're agreeing with me?" He couldn't believe it. That much was evident.

Cherrie rolled her eyes at him , annoyed. "Yes. Anything else daddy?" She tested him .

They both tensed for two different reasons. She leaned against the back of the couch to look at him, even more annoyed when she saw how his tight shirt was hugging his muscular biceps perfectly. She hated it.

Sidney inhaled deeply, crossed his arms even tighter against his chest as he tried to keep calm. Something incredibly difficult to do when it came down to miss trouble.

"What even is all this crap anyways?" He changed the subject before she could get him roped into her said trouble.

Looking down at all of the parcels he had been collecting for her, he rose a brow. "How much more do you need? Are they..even more shoes?" He sounded incredulous because he was.

He knew that she had turned the spare bedroom into a closet, and he knew that because he had spent an entire afternoon filling the walls with all of her ridiculously overpriced heels. She refused to let him leave until they were all perfectly lined in order of colour. Sidney had never seen so many heels in his life , he had been overwhelmed and needed a beer to get through it all. She was ridiculous.

Yet his heart still beat fondly for her as he watched her pull out a brand new pair of heart shaped heels, looking almost identical to a pair that he had seen her strut around in bedore.

Her grin was childish as she held up her leg in the air between them for him to see her new shoes, turning her ankle this way and that way proudly for him .

"Beautiful huh? I got them on sale!" She informed him excitedly . Hardly paying him any attention as she slipped on the other heel and started pretending that the living room was her runway , watching herself in the floor to ceiling length mirror as she did so. Flicking her hair over her shoulder confidently .

Sidney exhaled quietly , tucking his hands into his pockets . "Yeah..yeah." He agreed quietly , eyes glued to her smile . A genuine one. No sarcasm or meanness to it. It took his breath away.

So he quickly turned his back to her and changed his tone of voice again, needing to rid himself of this softness that overcome him then.

"Try not to be so annoying tonight alright? No more raging parties. Otherwise I will be calling your brother about it." He threatened her , striding to the door. Needing to leave before her sweet perfume , ridiculous heels and pretty smile made him do something that he really shouldn't do.

He heard her scoff, but he still don't turn around.

"Get fucked Sid." She called after him, laughter evident in her voice. Knowing that there was no way he would be snitching again. Not when he had her right next door to keep an eye on. Not when he could just go there and scold her himself.

Still, he rolled his eyes and quipped back "you're so obsessed with fucking me and me getting fucked lately princess . You sure it's not a you probekm?"

The sound of a heel being thrown against the door as he quickly shut it behind him , echoed alongside his laughter as he went home. Grinning the whole way.

How's my sister settling in? Jacob text him concerned. Not causing you any bother is she?

Sidney didn't hesitate , no bother at all. She's a good girl.

Sidney finally got to meet cherries new boyfriend that weekend , he was already standing by the elevator waiting for it to open up when he heard a familiar voice coming from around the corner, footsteps coming his way.

He tilted his head down to his feet. Straining his ears as he listened in, brows furrowing at the upset whine to her voice. One he recognised all too well.

"I don't see why you're complaining. There's nothing wrong with my dress." She was clearly not happy, sounding put out.

Sids frown deepened . Her dress? He wondered confused. What could possibly wrong with what she was wearing? She looked good in everything and every time sid saw her, she was dressed to the nines. She loved her clothes, loved her fashion. She was trendy and on top of her game, and most the time she looked like a supermodel. Even when she was just at home.

It was something that always amazed Sidney about her. How put together she was, even when she was acting out like a little shit. She always looked good while doing it. Always a new dress and perfect hair , Sidney had never known her to miss a single nail or hair appointment even when she was sick.

A deeper voice echoed back, sounding annoyed. And it instantly had his shoulders tensing.

"A dress?" The man scoffed "is that what you're calling it? I hope you don't bend over tonight then otherwise it's over for you." He said.

Sidney scolded darkly . She did like to wear short dresses. But so fucking what? If the jackass couldn't handle it then what the hell was he even doing around a girl like Cherrie? She was way to good for him. Way out of his league.

If she was mine, Sidney thought darkly . I wouldn't care what she wore because it was her body and her choice , and if any asshole had anything to say about it. He could fight. So She wouldn't have to worry with him.

"Well you definitely won't be bending me over with that attitude mark!" He heard her snap back, but Sidney knew her. And he could hear the subtle hurt tone to her voice and knew that his slut shaming comment has gotten to her. No matter how much she pretended it hadn't.

"I'm just saying!" The idiot continued on talking down to her. And Sidney felt his fist clenched by his side as he waited for the to round the corner, wanting to see this idiot with his own two eyes.

Because why the hell was she doing going out with a guy that clearly had no respect for her? What could he have that she could possibly want?

"And I had to wait over an hour for you to get your nails done again! I've never met a girl as high maintenance once as you before! Can't you calm down a little with it? Life doesn't always have to be diamonds and high heels babe!" He condescended.

Sidney scoffed. Then he straitened up to his full height as they finally came around the corner , Cherrie looking like a deer in headlights as she realised that he had heard every word. Not looking impressed at all.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he felt his eyebrow raise in shock as he looked at the jackass. Wondering what's he saw in him.

Then he did a double take.

Dark hair. Older. Broader . Taller . Looking like a knock off version of Sid, dressed in jeans and a button down shirt . Rolex on his wrist.

Sidney couldn't believe it. His eyes flickering over to Cherrie, only to see her uncharacteristically quiet , eyes staring down at her sparkly heels instead . Looking uncomfortable as she stood stiffly by her boyfriends side.

He looks like me. Sidney thought faintly , biting back a knowing smirk as he came to a realisation then. Looking at her a little longer , almost daring her to meet his eyes. But when she didn't, when she just stayed quiet. Sid sighed.

"I don't think being high maintenance is a bad think. Sounds like she just wants to be looked after." Sidney commented bluntly , looking at the man.

Mark looked straight back, eyed him up and down in distaste. "And who the hell are you?" He scoffed.

Cherrie was embarrassed , keeping to herself as they all stepped inside the elevator . Arms around her waist , shoulder brushing against Sids as he shuffled closer to her. Eyes never leaving the side of her face , anger making him clench his jaw at how upset this guy had made her with his stupid comments.

"He's my neighbour mark. This is Sidney." She muttered.

Mark laughed "ah. This is the guy you were complaining about? The one who's got a stick up his ass?" He repeated her words.

Her cheeks flushed red as Sidney a brow at her, lips twitching . Her eyes briefly rose to meet his own for a moment before quickly looking away and clearing her throat . Embarrassed.

"Yes." She mumbled.

Sidney snorted "you know, I prefer your complaints hand delivered to me. Not second hand." He told her, unimpressed by her shit talking him to this asshole.

Cherrie looked at him with a glare "shut up Sid." She snapped.

He laughed quietly but his smile quickly fell when mark muttered impatiently that they were going to be late because of her, already walking out of the Elevator as soon as it opened, not even waiting for her as he strode off to his car.

Sidney frowned, gently taking a hold of her arm before she could trail off after him. She looked up at him in surprise.

He cleared his throat a little , eyes staring into her own with concern. "Call me if you need a getaway car alright? I don't like him at all. You shouldn't be letting him talk to you like that. He's an asshole." He murmured to her , angrily.

Embarrassed that he had seen her in such a way, that he had seen her as anything other than her usual confident and self assured self. She yanked her arm away from him with a scowl.

"Leave me alone Crosby ! I don't need your help." She hissed at him bedore storming away. Leaving Sidney stood in the lobby of their building with his arms hanging by his side, watching her leave with yet another guy that wasn't good for her. Worry written across huf face , chest tightening as she left.

Fucking hell. He rubbed a hand over his face stressfully. He was so fucked.

It wasn't until the next night that she called him in a fit of tears. Having him be her getaway driver as he picked her up outside some fancy condo. Watching in shock as she wailed in the passenger seat, mascara running down her face. Still in last nights dress.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" He rushed out worriedly to her . hands hovering over her as he looked her over for any injuries . Finding none. Just tears falling from her eyes as she scowled furiously , Hand wiping at her tearful face angrily .

She sniffled loudly "it's over! He was a Right cunt Sid !" She declared to him while sobbing .

Sidney cautiously  glancing around before starting his car and getting them out of there, heart racing as he kept glancing her at her in concern, not knowing what the hell had happened. Hating that she was crying and hating that he didn't know how to solve it.

"What happened?" He asked her in one breath. Reaching his hand over to wipe at the tears falling down her cheeks, keeping one hand on the wheel as he drove them home.

Cherrie groaned. Leaning down to pull off her heels, sniffling and crying as she mumbled "I overheard him calling me a bitch and a slut to his friends so I..." she hesitated to tell him. Remembering then just who she was talking to.

She crossed her legs beneath her, reaching into the backseat to grab at Sidney’s hoodie he kept there. Not even asking him before she was pulling it over her body. Covering her dress. Inhaling his scent and calming down a little , scrunching up the sleeves in her hand as she turned her body towards him.

Wanting comfort and seeking it in him.

Sidney glanced over at her, then down at his hoodie that she had pulled on, before meeting her tearful gaze again.

He sighed, bracing himself for it. "Jesus. What have you done now?" He asked her concerned. Because he knew that look on her face, knew exactly what it meant.

It was mixture of guilt, fury and shame. Like she couldn't decide what to settle on but she knew that she had fucked up. Again.

"Well..I thought. Fine. I'll show him just how much of a bitchy slut I can be so I .." her voice quietness as she told him in embarrassment "I fucked his dad."

Sidney’s head snapped to her with wide eyes, mouth dropping open in disbelief.

"You did what?!" He almost shouted. Hoping that he heard her wrong.

He hadn't.

She grimaced. Sinking deeper into her seat in shame.

"I went over there and I knew-I knew that he was at least attracted to me . I mean who wouldn't be?l" she missed Sidney’s incredulous look as she started crying again.

Still a little drunk from all the wine she had been pitifully downing the whole night . "So I seduced his dad and then fucked him-which by the way-he fucked so much better than his stupid son did-"

Sidney made a strangled noise, teeth clenching as tightly as his fists did around the steering wheel. He did not want to hear this.

"Okay! That's enough! I don't want to hear it!" He snapped. "God! Why are you like this?" He felt the anger, jealously and frustration in him take over.

Shaking his head in disappointment at her , making her lip quiver as she watched him tearfully . "It's not you at all! Why do you keep doing this? All this sex, drugs and -"

"Rock n roll?" She chimed in weakly. Giggling drunkenly as she held up the rock on sign with her fingers. Only lowering them when Sidney just glared at her. Not impressed At all.

His look of disappointment just made her cry harder, curling into herself as she looked at him with a pout on her face. Chest feeling heavy, regretting all of it. Just wishing that she had stayed home. That she had just stopped doing this and just stuck to annoying Sidney instead . Maybe then she wouldn't be stuck feeling like this.

"You're not funny." Sidney let her know . Shaking his head. "Stop crying." He muttered as he turned into their building. Chest feeling tight at the sight of her tears.

He turned off the car and unbuckled himself . Leaning over the console to cup her face in his hands , gently brushing away the tears with his thumbs . Still glaring at her as he did so. Tense and upset.

She snuggled onto his hand with a sniffle "I'm sorry." She whined , looking up at him with big , glossy eyes.

"I'm going to stop all this. I'm gonna be better." She suddenly declared. Meaning it.

Sidney laughed. He had to. Smirking down at her incredulously . "Oh really?" He didn't believe it and she could tell.

Frowning up at him , upset  . Watching as he got out of the car. Jogging around to her side to open the door for her. Unbuckling her and helping her out, grabbing her heels from her hands. Steadying her.

"I mean it Sid." She continued trying to convince him. Letting him wrap his arm around her shoulder as he led them inside safely , leaning into his side with loud yawn. "I'm done being a wild child."

He laughed even harder then , the pressure slowly easing from his chest as he cuddled her into his side. Pressing his lips against the side of her head as they came out of the elevator , stopping by her door.

"Yeah." He chuckled ruffling her hair gently "I'll believe it when I see it." He muttered amusedly.

She just huffed tiredly. Then groaned when he suddenly spun her around and tugged her into him, wrapping his big arms around her back as he squeezed her to his chest firmly. Leaving her to stare wide eyed at his chest, gasping in surprise.

She slapped his stomach "what are you doing?!" She exclaimed, voice muffled against his shirt.

He just squeezed her harder, chuckling on top of her head as he closed his eyes. Savouring the cuddle.

"Hugging you.." he mumbled. Amused. "Don't tell me you don't hug either? Are you too cool to hug me?" He teased her.

Cherrie groaned. Cheeks heating up as she loosely wrapped her arms around his waist , hugging him back. "Shut up." She mumbled. Giggling a little. "You're so stupid."

He chuckled lowly "you are." He stated shaking his head as he slowly pulled away from the embrace . Sighing at the state of her.

He took her keys from her bag and opened the door, taking ahold of her hand gently instead as he led her inside the apartment.

"Come on trouble . Let's get this makeup off you and you can sleep off the hangover." He instructed her gently .

She followed him without a single complaint. Jumping up on the counter as he pulled out her makeup remover .

"Hey Sid?" She spoke up a few minutes later when he was wiping the streaked mascara from her cheeks.

"Yeah?" He looked up at her. Biting his cheek to stop himself from smiling as he saw the pouty look on her pretty face.

"You like my dress?" She wondered quietly.

He laughed lightly , affectionately. "I do. I like all your dresses." He replied. Then "that guy was a idiot and a liar. You're perfect as you are. Don't change." He told her quietly.

His eyes widening in surprise when she suddenly leaned forward and willingly hugged him on her own, squeezing him to her with a long sigh . Her soft smile pressed against the side of his cheek as he hugged her back without any hesitation.

Yeah. He sighed. He was so , so fucked.

Sidney couldn't believe it but things really did start changing for the better after that night.

Meaning that suddenly , she never left him alone. He had almost gasped in fright the first night that he returned home after practice to find her already on his couch, watching tv.

Having let herself in without any shame . She hadn't even looked at his astonished face , merely pointed to the kitchen. And told him that there was some leftover takeout in the fridge for him.

Getting over his shock had been hard but then he was watching a movie with her. Listening to her ramble onto him about all of her favourite scenes , smiling to himself when she told him where he could have seen the actors before. His heart pounding in his chest when she fell asleep with her head against his shoulder , his arm around hers . In disbelief to himself . She stayed the night.

And since then she hadn't really left.

She was there in the mornings, sharing his horrible healthy smoothies with him. She let him drag her along to the gym with him with the promise of getting her ice cream afterwords . Then they started hanging out , going shopping together , or just driving around .

Sidney accompanied her to the bank where she got him to sort out all of her Money problems for her, claiming that she needed an 'adultier adult.' Which she clearly was not.

Then she started coming to see his games. In the family box waiting for him, wearing his shirt with a wide smile on her face each night. Hugging him whether they won or lost and Sidney felt like he was on cloud nine. Yet too scared to break it, too scared to wake up from his dream. So he didn't say anything for a while , didn't question her sudden closeness. Just bathed in it instead.

He ignored his friends knowing looks, told her brother that he was just looking out for her as he cooked her a home made meal . Bought all of her favourite snacks and tried to bake cookies just because she was craving them.

And Sidney could only feel both overwhelmed and amused because he knew what was happening. He wasn't some dumb kid that wasn't aware of his own feelings or somebody else's .

He could see the way she looked at him now, saw the way she lingered and waited impatiently for his attention. The way she would look his way after each dumb joke she said, just to see if he would laugh. The way she went out of her way to prove to him that she wasn't going to be some dumb little shithead anymore that sent his blood pressure skyrocketing just for fun

She finally wanted him her like he had wanted her for so long and it felt so fucking food to know. Even though they hadn't said a thing.

Sidney knew what was happening. And he could only smile despite knowing how fucked he was. He has fallen for trouble and trouble was finally falling for him too.

Then he opened his door one night and could only sigh in disbelief as he saw Cherrie waiting for him, eyes trailing down to the fluffy fur ball in her Arms, a not so innocent smile on her pretty face She cheesed at him.

He just groaned "Jesus Christ Cherrie! I was only gone for a couple of hours!" He breathed out . Hesitantly reaching out his hand to stroke the kittens soft head, eyes never leaving cherries face. Arching his brow at her as he waited for excuse to come.

It didn't disapirnwmnt . She never did.

"I needed a friend! Isn't he pretty? It's a rag doll. I've called him zoomy." She told him proudly. Kissing it's little head repeatedly as it purred away in her arms, big blue eyes slowly blinking up at her. She awwed loudly .

Sidney just sighed, more than amused. Unable to be mad at her. I mean. It was Cherrie. This was absolutely something she would do. Silently move herself into his home and get them a cat while he was at practice .

"Why?" He dared to ask.

She grinned "cause look." She put the little kitten down. Both of them watching as the cat suddenly took off and started sprinting around the room chaotically , fast as fuck.

Sidney let out a mixture of a groan and laugh, rubbing his hands over his face with a disbelieving grin.

"You're unbeblivale ." He said. Fondly .

Then he looked at her and muttered "going home anytime soon?" Already knowing her answer . The little kitten scratching at his heels as it followed him into the kitchen. Sidney pulling out all the ingredients he would need to make her favourite food.

Cherrie threw herself down onto the couch with a giggle. "You kicking me out?" she called out to him. Grinning As she put in his favourite movie for them to watch.

He grinned down at the cutting board , cheeks flushed with happiness as he picked up zoomy and placed the kitten on his chest , kissing its little head .

Heart pounding in his chest as he dared another peak at her, safe and content with him. In his home.

"Would you even leave if I did?" He joked.

Silence.

Then a snort "i don't listen to liars Sid. You've always wanted me here. You're never getting rid of me now." She told him confidently . Seeing right through him. She always had.

Sidney just smiled.

Then her brother text him , my sister doing good?

Sidney hesitated . Then replied. Best she's ever been. And he's wasn't lying. He just failed to tell him that the reason why she was the best she had ever been was because she was with him.

Sidney finally spoke up about them playing house without telling each other how they really felt a month later.

After staring down at the boutique of flowers on the kitchen island that he had gotten her every Friday , signing off his and cherries name as his plus one to his teammates wedding . He came to the startling real stool then that this was really it for him.

They did everything together now. He had met her friends. She hung out with his. They had dinner together almost every night . She practically lived with him. Most of his wardrobe was filled with her pretty dresses and he could barely find his sneakers through the mountain of her heels.

Her makeup sat in his bathroom, her tooth brush next to his. Most nights they fell asleep on his bed while cuddling together, their favourite shows playing in the background.

They were a couple without being a couple and Sidney was getting too old to be playing these games and he knew that if he didn't bring the whole subject up first, then they would be doing this forever . Because Cherrie definitely would not say it first.

She was more of a 'always have the last word' Kinda girl instead.

So looking down at the little cat in his arms. He kissed it's tiny head for courage , sighing into its soft fur as he mumbled . "This is it zoomy. Jacob is going to kill me." Before putting him down carefully.

Then Sidney took a deep breath, gathered his courage and looked at her. She had been browsing gifts to get his friends for their wedding, head snapping over to him mid ramble when he said her name. Firmly .

Eyes widening at the serious look on his face, she blinked at him. "What?" She laughed a little, but the feeling in her gut told her that she knew exactly what was coming. Had been waiting for this moment really.

She slowly put down her phone and faced him, fidgeting with her rings as she sat on her stool. Heart pounding nervously in her chest. This was really it. She realised.

"What the hell are we doing Cherrie?" He breathed out . Slowly walking to her side , bending his head so that she would meet his eyes. Needing her to realise that he was serious this time. No time for playing around.

She laughed a little nervously  "what do you mean?" She tried to play dumb but it wasn't working.

Sidney just levelled her with a stern look, shaking his head at her. Tapping his fingers against the counter anxiously . "I'm getting too old for your games princess. What's going on?" He repeated a little more firmly this time. Watching her cool facade crumble just like that.

The sigh she let out was shaky as she swung her legs around to face him, wrapping her arms around his stomach as she pulled him in between her legs. Hugging him, Sidney only hesitated for a moment before loosely putting his hand on the back of her head as she rested her chest on his chest. Running his fingers gently through her hair to keep her calm, grounding her.

Her mumble was muffled ahinst his shirt "you've always taken care of me Crosby." She fiddled with the belt loop of his jeans as she said it.

He gently tugged at her ponytail to get her to look up at him, his face calm despite the rapid racing of his Heart . He knew that this was meant to be. Knew where this was heading and he wasn't scared anymore . He had been waiting for this moment for what felt like forever.

"I have." He agreed quietly "I've always wanted the best for you but you never seemed to go for that." He told her honestly .

Even when they were bickering and arguing , when she was giving him attitude and getting on his nerves . He had always made her his priority. Had always made sure that she was okay, that she was safe and getting everything that she needed and wanted. Simply because he was a sucker for her.

He always had been. That was the problem. Falling in love with his best friends little sister had never been the plan. But when did anything ever go as planned anyays?

And deep down, Cherrie knew it. She knew exactly what she was doing. Knew exactly what he was feeling and how he felt about her. It wasn't hard to see.

How he had spent years making excuses to be around her. Coming to every gathering, every party and event with them. Even though he liked to be low key and kind of hated the rest of jacobs friends. He still came , because he wanted to see her.

He always picked up the phone in the middle of the night , always ready to drive her home from her drunken escapedes . Always ready to be her getaway car. Helping her sneak back in the house , helping her sober up so her parents wouldn't realise what she had been doing . Even when they 'hated' each other. He was always on her side. Always.

She sighed in vague amusement , and fondness was written all across her pretty face as she gazed up at him. Chin resting on his chest as he looked down at her, throat bobbing as he swallowed hard . She rested her hand over his heart and felt how it raced beneath her skin, then she laughed lightly .

"I know that the apartment you gave me is yours Sid. And I know that you paid off my parking tickets and I know that you're the one that got that jackass , who badmouthed me at that restaurant, fired. And I know that everything good that's happened to me has always been because of you." She admitted to him affectionately.

Sidney was speechless. And a little mortified .

Face going red as he realised that he really hasn't been subtle af all. It was one of those times where he thanked the heavens that her brother was so fucking oblivious, otherwise he had a feeling that he would have had his ass handed to him a long time ago.

Was his love for her really that obvious? Who else knew?

She did.

And she was smirking up at him smugly , gently squeezing his waist to bring him back down to Earth.

"You know?" He weakly muttered. Taken aback. Having expected that he would need to lay out a whole love confession to her to get her to understand.

She nodded her head, giggling. "I know old man." She confirmed amused.

"Can't resist a pretty face huh Crosby ?" She teased him.

He gently cupped her face in his hands. Smile softening , face wary as he admitted to her quietly. "I can't. Not one as pretty as yours but Cherrie.." he hesitated for a moment. Not wanting to scare her away but needing her to know that this was it for him.

"This is serious for me alright?" He tells her softly , the colour on his face only deepening. Blushing like a school girl as he gazed down at her , so in love with trouble that it hurt .

"I want forever with you . I don't want to play games or have to worry about you not being mine. I want-" he stumbled over his words for a moment , overwhelmed by her then. Overwhelmed by all that he felt for her. He didn't know that it was possible to love somebody so much. "-I'm not getting any younger and you're still so young ..you have to be sure-"

She cut him off quickly , still smiling .

"I'm sure." Shes more serious than he's ever seen her. Looking up at him like he was her entire world and all the stars intertwined .

He breathed out shakily , hands trembling on her jaw as he pulled her closer . "Are you? Because I'll get it if you're not ready , you've never been serious about a guy in your life. I don't want to be boyfriend number thousand. I don't want to be someone that you regret." He whispered to her .

She shook her head at him, eyes glossy and heart so full for the man that had never let her down. Had never let her go. Realising that he had waited for her to be ready, had let her get all of her stupid mistakes and rebounds out of her system first .

He had let her be young and dumb, had let her live. But now she realised that happiness was what she wanted. And what was life without happiness?

Her happiness was staring down at her like she was his heart . Like she was the shoelaces to his shoes. The bones that protected his heart, like she was the one.

So She smiled "Your not going to be.. you're going to be the last boyfriend that I ever have Sidney Crosby . Because I love you. I have for a while and I'm sorry for being such a little shithead and making you wait around for me." She told him honestly . A little embarrassed but so fucking thankful that he had stuck around .

He laughed Wetly , struck with love for her. Shaking his head in vague amusement , his thumbs rubbing circles into her soft skin as he nudged their noses together gently .

"Don't be. I enjoy you being a shithead . It's what made me fall in love with you , you're trouble. And I love that. Are you sure that you're serious about this?" He needed to know. His future standing right in front of him. Bright eyes and a pretty smile .

It was always going to be her , wasn't it?

"I am." She promised him. Her cheek in his hand. Smiling up at him genuinely. "I want you Sidney." She told him. Meaning it with everything in her. She wanted everything that he could give her.

So he kissed her. Like he had dreamt of kissing her for the last couple of years. Caressing her mouth with his own, his hand cupping her jaw as she pulled him closer. Her fingers scratching lightly into his scalp as he sighed blissfully against her tongue , tasting her. Needing her so bad it hurt .

"Aren't you going to say it back to me now ?" She impatiently mumbled into the kiss, and he could feel her frowning against his cheek , fingers tugging a little harder at his hair in punishment for making her wait .

He laughed breathlessly against her lips, more than amused at the sass she still had. Even in a soft moment like this, she still gave him attitude.

That was his girl.

"I'm so in love with you." He grinned , kissing her again simply because he could now .

Then he groaned in misery "And your brother is going to kill me." He muttered , sighing as he pulled away.

Looking down at her carefully , his lips twitching . Taking in her swollen lips and flushed cheeks , the way she pulled him in. Fidgeting with his belt loops , Puckering her lips up impatiently for another kiss. Greedy for them now.

"Which part of my face do you think he'll break first?" He wondered out loud warily.

She just grinned. Giggling . Kissing all across his face , giddy with love.

"Hopefully not your nose. I really like your face. Kind of want to sit on it soon ." She let him know. Not caring too much about it.

She loved him. He loved her. There really wasn't much her brother could do about it now. No matter what he did or what he said , it wasn't going to change a single thing.

So She kissed him again. Smugly. "I'm worth it through aren't i?" She confidently muttered , giggling as he bruised his face into her neck. His laughter tickling her skin as he held her close, the smile never leaving his face.

He laughed breathlessly as she began tugging him impatiently to the bedroom. The buttons of his shirt flying across the room as she ripped it off him, leaving him panting and watching her with wide eyes . So in love it hurt.

"You are so worth it." He promised. Meaning it.

He would take as many punches to the face as her brother gave him. As long as he got to come home to her for the rest of his life. He would be happy.

She was trouble . But she was Cherrie. And he loved her. So the little shithead was worth every headache and every worry.

Because she was his now.

Finally.

[mccnstruck]

for forever, never yours.

characters: kazuha x gn!reader

tags: hurt no comfort, angst, mutual pining but you never get together, kazuha has commitment issues LMFAO, short fic, kissing

a/n: if you saw this before....no you didnt. HAHA but i reposted it because this wouldnt show up on any tags whatsoever and i need validation but anyways ENJOY

Your body shook rapidly, and had it not been for the individual in front of you, you would have thought of the house to be cold. Yet, the cold winds outside couldn't bear to strike your heart, as his quiet, unsweetened words did.

Your hands encaptured his, and you lowered your head to avoid his pitiful gaze.

“Please, Kazuha. I know you like me. I've seen the letters. I'm not blind to the way you look at me. Please.”

Refusing to let him see your tears, you failed to notice the accompanied shine in his eyes.

“You know I cannot fulfill your wish, my star.”

You shot your head up.

“Why…just why?! If you have the ability to write about my presence with words so sweet it hurts, then why can't you say it to me right now? Why can't you confess to me right now?”

You paused your outburst and lowered your head in desperation. Tears pricked your vision.

“Why call me ‘my star’ when I can't even be yours…?”

For the first time in your acquaintance with Kazuha, you had finally got him to become undoubtedly, utterly speechless. Yet, no sense of acknowledgement or reward eased the burning pain in your heart.

A silence of sadness drowned your heart in longing, yet the very person you longed for was so close…

And yet…so, so far.

“I… I cannot make you mine. I've dreamt of your eyes sharing the very yearning I've held in my heart. Your hands have held my own in a way that no one else would be able to. Yet, you know of my position. I cannot stay here.”

“I'm not trying to stop you, Kazuha, I was never going to stop you. I just want you. Have you thought of that?”

“I have thought of it–time and time again. That is entirely the issue, star.”

His hands left yours and gently cradled your jaw, enough for you to look back at his glimmering eyes and the aching sorrow filling his words.

“I cannot burden you with that unknowing of my presence. You deserve to belong in the arms of someone who can kiss you goodnight and stay to kiss you good morning.”

Your voice cracked, and you wondered how long he had rehearsed these words, this dialogue, in his head. For as much as you gazed your eyes over the letters you found, you never found the sad goodbye of what could have been lovers.

“I don't care about how long I will have to wait until I can see you again. Hell, I don't care if I don't see you for years! I just… I just want to be yours. I just want to know that I was yours. That you would think of me as yours.”

Kazuha’s eyes widened, and he struggled to find words to ease your heart.

“I…You have to understand, Kazuha. My heart will ache, regardless. Yet, do not leave me with the possibilities of what could have been. What we could've been.”

Kazuha paused to let your words etch itself onto his skin.

“I cannot burden you with me. However, I will be here in your arms for one night more. I will be yours tonight.”

You stayed silent, staring into his crimson eyes.

Oh, how love, burning with a passionate red, could leave such an aching pain in your heart. Love blends in with the blood pulsing through your veins; it becomes one with your blood. It creeps into the heart, and the heart bursts with desire; it is fueled with a purpose. But love could be very much fatal. Love will be stripped from your being; and when your heart deems it as necessary, it will burst out of your ribs, begging for it back.

Love is found in Kazuha’s crimson, knowing eyes.

“Kiss me.”

And love is found when he hadn’t hesitated to oblige to your request.

He kissed you so feverently, desperately holding on to your presence. His hands traced your cheeks, noted every mole, every single detail, until he could vividly recall your face behind his eyelids.

He felt your hands bring him closer, and felt your tears become heavier. Yet he knew he had no right to wipe them away when they were the reflection of his choices.

You tried to pull away, but he only pulled you back in. He kissed your cheeks, your nose, your temples. When his lips hovered over yours, he spoke.

“Find me once more, take me by the hands, and I promise to you I will kiss you with every single vow of staying.”

He leaned in even closer, and felt your breath on his.

“Will I be able to find you in every universe, Kazuha?”

“Absolutely. For if there is a universe without you, what is there for me to live for?”

He leaned to kiss you once more, and you let him. For you both know that he would leave without his heart in the morning; and that you would stay in your empty abode; your heart will burst to see a glimpse of a shadow that would never be yours.

mccnstruck

[leifygreeens]

"you said a while back that Elliott isn't "vanilla by any means, but that's a story for another time"....... your requests are open........ is it another time now please? 👀 xoxo @unabashedly-so"

I tried posting this once before but tumblr said “we’re gonna block this from everyone and make it impossible to find haha.” So I’m reposting it and hoping this works lmfao. Anyway, Elliott is a kinky man and we all know it. Here are a few of my own thoughts on how he navigates playtime, per Bash’s request. Thank you! <3

Warnings: Temp play, false modesty, tickling, blindfolds, improper(?) use of mirrors, pomegranates, and ropes. Enjoy! ;)

Elliott likes temperature play >:)

Would stick an ice cube in his mouth and kiss all over your skin, and would absolutely pass the fuck away if you did the same for him

He’d burn candles that turn into lotion that’s wonderfully hydrating AND smells delicious

And spend twenty minutes at LEAST rubbing it in until you’re all sleepy and content

Sometimes that shit doesn’t even lead to sex, and he takes absolutely no issue with that at all

Likes tying you up

Prefers using pretty colored rope (deep red is his favorite) to tie you up with, and sometimes he doesn’t even want to touch you afterward, he just wants to look at you

Something about the pretty intricate knots swirling over your skin does something to his brain

But he’s weak for you, so begging usually works to get him riled up, and he’ll touch you eventually

He adores it when you indulge him, though

And it also helps him in other ways, too

It’s great for when he has some nasty writer’s block

Working on something as methodical as shibari knots gets his brain rumbling and allows him to go back to his writing desk with a fresh perspective

Also fruit kink. Specifically with pomegranates

Similarly to the ice cube thought, but also not

He would squeeze a pomegranate over you and watch the juice drip onto your skin, staining it temporarily, and then he’d lick it right up, because Elliott always cleans up his messes

A few of his own shirts have been stained purple permanently by his fruit kink and his burning desire to make love to you while you’re wearing them

He won’t even unbutton them or anything, especially because he thinks false modesty is hot

Think backless dresses, poet shirts that show off too much clavicle, or god forbid SHEER clothing where he can barely see the outline of your body when you stand just right in the sun?

This man will literally pass away and it will be all your fault babe

Have I mentioned that he likes tickling?

You can fight me on this but I fucking swear he likes it

If you’re riding him, do me a favor and tickle his stomach, just beneath his belly button

You’ll make him come in like five seconds flat so definitely don’t do it unless that’s your goal

But yeah. Tickle him. He fucking loves that shit.

Also blindfolds. Blindfolds are so hot to him.

He’s fine being blindfolded, adores it, but seeing your reactions and how you’re completely blindsided by every touch is just.

HNNNNGGFGF he’ll cry

Mirror sex besties

He thinks you’re so gorgeous and will get so fucking sad if you don’t watch yourself while he has his way with you

Please indulge this man. He just wants you to see yourself from his point of view :(