#like if i get. evry version of yrying to find my own path for things erong and i cantfiz things in any frontbecause im not strong enugjforit
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strawbebyjam · 1 year ago
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i keep thinking i’m already doing better and then three hours later i get severely humbled
#i think i’m just desperate to Be Better about it so whenever i feel like i’m approacbing it even a bit better than before#my brain’s like Omg! I did it! I cracked the code!#and then when something chips at it like twice it all comes crashing down#there’s just too many. things that it’s possibke to be scared about#like it feels like every way that i try to look at it in a positive light there’s a 50ft shadow behind it#like i dont know how to be Good about this the right way and i’m scared that if someone told me thr right way to do it id be too weak to#and mahbe im like. too weak to do anyof it right and then if i am then what now GDJDHDH#like if i get. evry version of yrying to find my own path for things erong and i cantfiz things in any frontbecause im not strong enugjforit#then why am i throwingaway rverything with family to#like everyones tellijnme that i shoildnt just giveup on it before i get therebut#icant imagine jt being worth it like. and to thinki could mess it up. alongthe way and then#notget any goodness fromtrying and then losemmama and papa and alizatoo#andnow theyrealready planningnlike. arranging stuffand im not slme big catch likeif i dont go alongwitb it now the n what if i try to dk#what theywant me to and fail that too#i cant pocthre myself going anydirection and doing ot right#even the direction i wouldvetaken if thingsdidnt end#and i have. no idea whatto do with that#neg#mano.mindtalk#the only goodnews is that the cliomascara that i ordered months ago on a two forone is so successfullycryproof like#ivebeeb sobbing and the curlhasnt even gone LMFOAJDND clio kill lash everyone
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