#like if I got one of them sorted I'd be good
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
literally ask any group of male friends their experience with butt stuff (which will likely need to be referred to as prostate play if it's american men; the masculinity is too fragile here.) then sit back and listen to some of the most vile and awful stories of assault and quite literal cut and dry definitions of rape you have ever heard in your life. and most of them will just shrug it off.
most recently my bestie did this amongst her friend group and while there were a couple of amusing stories that you'd expect from clueless straight men attempting prostate play, one was very very blatantly assaulted by another man that he just passed off as them both being drunk and stupid, but then one guy. jesus christ one guy proceeded to tell them all how his wife quite literally sodomized him so badly he wound up in the hospital and, understandably, still has some anal/rectal issues. horrible enough that every other man present was horrified, while he was completely neutral about it, literally shrugged and was like "eh. it's whatever. what can you do when you've got kids involved right?" literally stays with a woman who could have very nearly killed him, caused him permanent physical damage, and trauma i can only imagine is being repressed in ways i cannot even fathom because he knows a) it wouldn't be taken seriously if he went to court, b) would very likely cause her to get violent again c) would not ever want his kids to know d) doesn't want to risk her getting sole custody in a divorce since the law almost always favors the mother and e) doesn't have the kind of money to hire the kind of lawyers that are actually worth a damn anyway.
ask a group of guys who have ever been in a frat to tell you about their hazing.
ask any random collection of men if they ever had sexual encounters with older women when they were still teens and younger.
my ex nearly went to prison when he was physically attacked by two women and had to punch one just to get away. The judge just wouldn't believe a man could let two small women overpower him, even tho at the time he was a scrawny dude and not all that tall either. even tho he had the bite marks and scratches and bruises to prove it. thankfully he had an actually good lawyer.
i mean there's just... so much. and this is perhaps the one and only area of western society that disproportionately hurts men but only sort of helps women. i'd bet good money on it that men experience very similar if not the same rates of abuse and assault as women, but it will never ever be reported on correctly, it will never make headlines in the same way or at all, and good luck getting them to talk about it at all in many cases - but doubly so if they're over 40.
Sometimes I do wonder if men actually get sexually assaulted and abused at a similar rate that women do but a lot of them just don’t know that’s what’s happening to them
#and i know this is not a western society only problem#but there's a specific kind of masculinity here in the west#and a very specific status quo perception on it#that compounds issues tenfold#genuinely believe part of this epidemic of extreme versions of toxic masculinity stems from unaddressed abuse#and other factors obviously but. i bet thats a large part of it#there's much more at play here too but i lack the skill to put it in any sort of way that wouldn't bring out torches and pitchforks lol
10K notes
·
View notes
Text
'You're blushing.'
Pairing: Quinn Hughes x Fem!Reader (Crush level)
Warnings: Reader is described as visibly blushing (normally i'd avoid it, but for this idea I kinda had to, sorry!)
Summary: You're friends with Jack and Luke first, they decide to tease you good naturedly about your reaction to their older brother, Quinn.
Notes: I feel like Jack and Luke as friends would really work together to tease you, just very good natured but finding it hilarious. Basically acting like your annoying brothers.
An NHL charity event isn't something that 2 years ago you would have thought you'd ever be at, but then 2 years ago you didn't forsee yourself becoming friends with Jack and Luke Hughes, two pro-hockey players, after taking your students to meet the New Jersey Devils on a school trip.
Everyone who was anyone in the NHL was present, players from across the teams from both Canada and the US, coaches, WAGs and then you, because Jack and Luke refused to leave you behind in case you got bored without them. Their words, not yours. You couldn't even use work as an excuse because school holidays were in full swing.
So, here you found yourself, clutching a glass of something expensive, but awful tasting, that you quickly deposite on a side table the moment no one is looking, wearing your best dress (the one that never came out of your closet and had needed a really good steam to get the wrinkles out) and oogling their attractive older brother from across the room. The big brother you've had a crush on for at least a year...despite having met him a total of 5 times.
It wasn't your fault, really. Jack and Luke were pretty, so very pretty, but a little too young for you and treated you like an annoying sister, Quinn however? He was the right age, the right height, had the right hair and the few times you'd interacted had made you feel like a girl and not one of the guys. He was easy on the eyes and from the time you'd spent around him a genuinely nice guy, the type of person that having a crush on was easy. Especially, when you were rarely around him and didn't need to confront said feelings.
It's stupid though, a crush? In your mid-20s? It feels like something you should have grown out of, but apparently not. You think you've managed a good job at hiding it though, hiding the way your ears perk up whenever Jack or Luke mention Quinn, hiding the fact you watch every Canucks game even if you have to catch up late after work kicks out, marking piled high in front of you.
Across the room you watch as Jack and Luke hug their brother in greeting, big smiles wide on all three faces. They're all wearing their best suits, hair neatly trimmed, a shame...as you're rather fond of Quinn's longer hair, but he's still handsome either way.
Luke must mention you as he gestures in your direction and Quinn turns to look at you, smiling wide in your direction. You're not expecting it, certain you resemble a deer in headlights.
His wide smile does funny things to your heart and it's only made worse when he starts walking in your direction, Luke and Jack trailing behind, you're almost certain your heart is about to stop in your chest.
He stops just shy of you, looking like some sort of daydream and you're certain that you're not hiding your crush very well in that moment. Suddenly, you feel 10 years old again.
"Hey, long time no see," Quinn doesn't hesitate before wrapping his arms around you and pressing a kiss to your cheek that has your face feeling incredibly warm. He pulls back, eyes giving you a slow once over from your head to your uncomfortable heels, "You look beautiful." There's a crinkle at his eyes that screams sincerity, that, combined with his soft smile only has you swallowing harder and trying to ignore the raised eyebrows of Jack and Luke over his shoulders.
"T.." You cough the lump from your throat, "Thank you, Quinn, it's nice to see you again"
It's not long before he's called away, once more pressing a kiss to your cheek on his way and you know you're beet red in the face without even looking at Jack or Luke. Their matching grins only confirm it and you internally groan when Jack throws an arm around your shoulders, smirking down at you.
“You’re blushing.”
"Shut up." You grind out, shoving his arm off your shoulder and crossing your arms even as your eyes continue to track Quinn across the room.
"You're seriously blushing because of Quinn?" Luke takes up the otherside of you grinning over the top of your head at his brother, even as Jack keeps digging at the topic. If your face was red before, you know it's probably bright enough to be seen from space now.
"Jack, in the name of all that is holy, if you do not shut the fuck up right now I am going to tell tiktok about that time that you tried to jump into my arms because of a mouse." You poke a harsh finger into his chest, but your threat seems to make very little impact, your friend just continues to grin at you like you've made his night.
"But, seriously? Quinn? Like, i'm right here,"
"You are a baby." You roll your eyes, turning back to find Quinn staring at the three of you from across the room. He's got the sort amused look that tells you he'll be asking his brothers all about this later, curious as to what had you make that face at Jack.
"I'm not that much younger than you!"
"Still a baby." You laugh simply because you all know Jack's joking. He's never once wanted to date you and you're fine with that. Your dynamic with the two younger Hughes brothers has always been entirely platonic and you like it that way.
"Does that mean I don't get a shot at all?" Luke chims in from besides you, arms slumped at his side in mock sadness that has you wrapping an arm around his waist to give him a side hug.
"Lukey, I love you, you get a shot just for being you." You grin up at him as Luke smugly waggles his eyebrows at his brother. It's all completely ridiculous and it reminds you that even when they're winding you up, you do in fact love the two of them.
"Oh, c'mon!" Jack's jaw drops like you've just told him that his first born child is the uglist child you've ever seen or something equally as offensive. From the corner of your eye, you can see that Quinn is still watching the three of you even as he talks to a group of journalists. It makes you nervous, hoping that he hasn't developed a talent for lip reading.
"Why are we even having this discussion? Neither of you want to date me and I don't want to date either of you! We firmly established that we're all in the friendzone here."
"It's the principle okay? I am the pretty one and you go for Quinn?"
You're quiet for a moment, eyes on your feet before you mumble out a quick, "I like his hair."
"I have good hair too." You roll your eyes at his retort, "So do I!" Luke ruffles his curls to show them off.
"I like his beard." That bit of scruff he always seems to grow as the season continues, the sort you're sure would scratch deliciously against your skin if he kissed you. Quinn gave off strong romantic book lead vibes with that sort of facial hair going on, a lumberjack or cowboy who saves the leading lady from hyperthermia or a bear or something.
"Okay...I'm...i'm working on that, give me some time, Jesus, woman!" You know he's only playing, but you also know Jack's genuinely curious as to when and how you developed a crush on his older brother. It's not like you'd ever expressed your interest in their brother before, not even suggesting he was cute in a passing comment.
"Look, I just...I think he's handsome that's all..." It's most certainly not all, but you're not about to wax poetic about their brother and give them more ammunition to tease you with than they already have.
"Well, if you're not marrying me or Luke, I guess the only way to add you to the family is to get Quinn to fall hoplessly in love with you." Jack claps his hands together, nodding his head like he's just come up with some sort of business proposal that benefits all parties rather than suggesting you marry his brother.
Luke looks over at Jack, nodding along with a little smirk, "I think we can manage that."
"Oh, definitely, Lukey Boy." Between them it's like looking at a pair of mischievious and naughty school boys.
"Please don't meddle, please leave it alone! I get crushes all the time, I really do not need you embarrassing me! We're adults, this is not the school playground!" You're practically begging them to leave it alone, mind already conjuring up a million and one ways in which they could embarrass you.
You're so focused on them that you don't see Quinn making his way over until he speaks from over your shoulder. He's eyeing his brothers like they might set off a stink bomb, arms crossed over his chest that only serves to make him look even broader than he already does in that jacket.
"Why do you two look like you're about to cause some trouble?"
"Us?" Jack starts, pointing at himself and then to Luke, wide innocent eyes fooling absolutely no one.
"Trouble?" Luke continues, a hand over his heart like Quinn had insulted his honour by suggesting such a thing.
"Quinny, would we ever do such a thing?"
There's a moment of silence before Quinn looks them both dead in the eyes and gives a confident, "Yeah."
Quinn turns to you, face softening into a look that screams that he's concerned his brothers are being dicks to you, it's pleasant and sweet and makes you feel warm inside, "You alright? These two idiots bothering you?" Both idiots shout a quick 'hey!' but your attention is solely focused on Quinn and the way his hair falls across his forehead when he tilts his head to look at you.
"Yes!" He chuckles at your insistant reply, hand reaching out to offer itself to you, "C'mere then," you grasp it without question and follow him off to the dance floor. Not thinking twice until you find yourself wrapped up in a slow dance with a guy you can barely look at without blushing. Feeling in over your head in the best sort of way.
From the corner of the room Jack turns to his younger brother with a smile, as they watch the you and Quinn inch closer and closer together on the dance floor. Your head eventually coming to rest on his shoulder as you sway back and forth.
"Y'know what, Lukey? Maybe we don't have to meddle at all..."
383 notes
·
View notes
Note
pLEASE sevika x idol/singer reader? :( I WANNWA DO THOSE CUTE DANCES INFORNT OF SEVIKA TO GET HER REACITON AEAEHAHAUAUUUAUAUAUAUAU
oh my gosh anon this is so cute!!! :3
men and minors DNI pretty pleaseee
also let's pretend the meeting at the vander statue didn't end in attacks from noxus for the purpose of this ask 😊 i started writing this when act 2 came out so imagine this is in between act 2 and 3
to absolutely no one's knowledge, sevika was a superfan of yours. zaun had very few 'celebrities' of sorts, but you, a breakout singer that used to be a girl-for-hire at margot's, had made a name for yourself.
you regularly held gigs around the undercity, most frequently on the roof of the chembarons' little lair at the very peaks of the underground. ever since silco shoved off, you've been able to spot his number two in the front row at nearly all of your shows.
the riots going on recently because of the colourful spectacle topside had temporarily paused your gigs, but that didn't stop you from supporting zaun and doing pop-ups to raise morale. sevika herself somehow got your contact and convinced you to come to a rally near the vander statue. you were excited to be apart of something so directly involved with jinx and protesting. you wore jinx-er attire and even brought flares for the audience.
"come onnn, shoot faster!"
you had also gotten jinx herself on stage with you. she happened to be a big fan of yours and one of the reasons sevika reached out for this gig. you sang jinx's favourite song together with the crowd bumping. her presence made the attendance a lot bigger and the atmosphere a whole lot more exciting.
"just a little bit of energy, yeah!"
you spotted sevika in her usual front row spot, admiring your act and jinx for finally getting out of her lair. sevika was holding the hand of a small blue-haired girl jumping around like a maniac watching jinx. it was a sweet sight, especially since they were both mouthing along the words of the song and sevika dancing a little with the girl hanging off her mechanical arm.
"i wanna try somethin' fun right now!"
the crowd set off their flares of blue and the scene was clouded with aqua while you and jinx continued to sing and entertain.
"i guess some people call it anarchy!"
—
after your numbers were over, you thanked the crowd, thanked jinx, and thanked sevika for planning it all and giving her credit where it was due. she was a little bashful but it made her all the more authentic to you.
"this was really fun!" you approached sevika once she had pawned off the small girl to jinx, the two of them giggling together. "i'd love to show more spots like this. i've never seen zaun so pumped up."
"you were great. you and jinx really hit it off on stage, the people loved you two."
it was your first real conversation with the left hand of zaun and it was a little silly how starstruck you were. she was a bigger fan of yours and you were the actual pop star here.
"i saw that you loved us too," you poked a little fun with her. "knowing all the lyrics, dancing along..."
she, of all people, got flustered and scoffed, waving off your words. she had a good time watching your act, just like she always did, but someone actually noticing it for once kind of embarrassed her.
"well, if ever you wanna see a little shimmy from me again, don't hesitate to reach out for a gig. with how much jinx, the kid, and i love your act, zaun'll be in the clouds with how high you've lifted our spirits."
parting ways with sevika and waving goodbye to jinx and (seemingly) her younger sister, you couldn't help but feel giddy. the most revered and loyal person in zaun was a fan of yours, she wanted to keep spotting your act, and now you had jinx as a wingwoman on stage. you never thought life could get any better as a little singer from the underground.
i'm sooooo sorry this took me so long But i am back to getting requests and asks written since i'm on break now :) feel free to send some!
#sevika#sevika arcane#arcane#sevika x reader#arcane x reader#arcane s2#dee's drabbles#dee's asks and requests
137 notes
·
View notes
Text
949 words
Sirius Black is known as the office Grinch, so what has suddenly gotten into him?
You Make It Feel Like Christmas
You Make It Feel Like Christmas - Gwen Stefani
“You're delusional.”
“I'm not!”
“You must be.”
“No, I swear,” Benjy hisses.
“Well, maybe you misheard,” Hestia offers.
Benjy huffs. “You think I would not recognize ‘Jingle Bells’?”
Emmeline shakes her head. “Anything is more likely than Mr Black humming that song.”
“He was in front of me at the coffee machine,” Benjy says. “And I swear I heard him do it!”
You see, the reason why the mere idea of Sirius Black walking around the office humming ‘Jingle Bells’ is so preposterous, is because Sirius Black is known as the office Grinch.
The man dislikes everything that's even remotely related to Christmas.
When Mary and Dorcas were hanging the Christmas lights, Mr Black commented on energy savings for the office and the necessity of cutting down on the electricity bill. In his opinion, Christmas was a huge waste of energy in its entirety. No one actually knew if he was still talking about electricity.
When the first Christmas song was played on the radio, Mr Black pointedly put on his noise canceling headphones. Plus, he actually has no idea who Mariah Carey is, which is shocking in its own right.
When Edgar came to work wearing his Christmas jumper, Mr Black reported him for inappropriate work attire (though luckily Lily from HR simply told him to get over it).
Moreover, Mr Black constantly complains that Christmas Day is an obligatory day off, instead of him being able to save his vacation hours for, in his words, ‘when he actually needs them’.
He has also called Christmas markets a trick to sell junk no one needs, he's known to think that a gift certificate makes for the best Christmas gift, and that black coffee tastes better than any hot chocolate ever could.
“Okay, I'm actually getting really worried,” Caradoc whispers as they convene at the coffee machine.
“Me too,” Edgar replies in a concerned voice. “Maybe he's come down with some sort of illness?”
“Did you guys hear what he said when he saw the little Christmas tree on my desk?” Mary hisses. “He said it looked ‘nice’. Nice! No eye roll, no sarcastic undertone. Just nice.”
“I almost had a heart attack when I saw his tie this morning,” Emmeline says faintly. “I mean, tiny snowmen?”
Dorcas bites her lip. “Could it be some sort of brain disease?”
“Or maybe he hit his head and he has a concussion?” Benjy offers.
“Should we like… take him to the hospital or something?” Fabian asks.
“Gosh,” Hestia says. “Why are you all so negative? Maybe he just finally caught the Christmas spirit!”
“Excuse me?”
Everyone pauses their work to look at the man who appeared in the doorway to their office. He's got floppy, honey-coloured hair, is wearing a rather tattered coat and is carrying a box with a bow tied around it.
“I'm looking for-”
“Remus!” Mr Black jumps to his feet. “What are you doing here?”
A light colouring appears on the man's cheeks as he looks at Mr Black and he smiles a little sheepishly. “I hope I'm not disturbing you?”
Mr Black closes his laptop without giving it a second look. “Not at all! I can always make time,” says the man who once almost made Gideon cry because he dared ask him a question while he was in the middle of an Excel sheet.
“Great,” the box-carrying man, Remus, grins, and despite the scars on his face, it makes him look strangely endearing. “My mum and I baked Christmas cookies, and we, of course, made way too much for just us, so I thought I'd drop by your office to bring some?”
“That's so sweet of you!” Mr Black happily takes over the box. “I absolutely love Christmas cookies,” says Mr Black, who has never even touched any of the cookies Caradoc baked for the office.
“I see you're wearing the tie I gave you,” Remus says.
“Of course,” Mr Black replies. “It's my favourite.”
“That's good,” Remus smiles softly.
They both just look at each other for a moment, while the rest of the office exchanges looks.
Then Remus averts his eyes and looks down at his shoes. “You know, I was wondering…” He begins. “Would you like to go and look at the Christmas lights together tonight? It may sound cheesy, but they're actually really pretty and it's one of my favourite Christmas activities to-”
“I would love to!” Mr Black replies a little breathless. “I've been really wanting to go and see the lights.”
Mary makes an indignant sound, but both men hardly seem to notice there's anyone else in the room.
“Great!” Remus looks up and beams at Mr Black. “And I was thinking that maybe we could visit the Christmas market and drink some hot chocolate together?”
“I love the Christmas market,” Sirius replies without skipping a beat. “And I'd love to drink hot chocolate with you.”
“Good. Great. Perfect,” Remus says. “So, it's… it's a date?” The colouring on his cheeks increases.
"It's a date,” Mr Black agrees.
Both men stare at each other for a long moment, having completely forgotten there's a room full of people looking at them, people who start shifting uncomfortably in their chairs.
Remus is first to snap out of it. “I… I
I should let you get back to work.”
“Work,” Mr Black repeats, like he's trying to remember what the word means. “Right. Work.”
“See you tonight?” Remus asks.
“Can't wait,” Mr Black replies.
As Remus leaves and Mr Black turns back to the room, everyone immediately turns to their computer, pretending to be working.
Hestia exchanges a look with Emmeline.
Sirius Black definitely caught something alright, but it ain't Christmas spirit.
#grinch sirius black#office au#wolfstar holiday fluff#wolfstar christmas fics#wolfstar christmas#wolfstar#wolfstar fanfiction#wolfstar fic#sirius black#remus lupin#remus x sirius
75 notes
·
View notes
Text
a while ago I had an idea for a one-shot, sort of inspired by @ohithankyou's posts about lexie grey's confession to mark, and I just got to start writing it. it's 3rd person, tommy's pov (for the most of it)
so, here's a snippet, it's still in the works.
and yeah, tommy is NOT doing okay, he's a very unreliable narrator here.
It should be awkward, shouldn't it?
Tommy's standing outside on the porch, trying to convince himself to just knock, but it's getting harder. It's especially hard since he can hear the music and loud conversations taking place inside, and he fears he will ruin the atmosphere.
He squeezes the bag, This is stupid he thinks, they don't want me here.
He wants them to not want him here.
It would be much easier that way, if the resentment was still fresh in their brains and they could just shut him out, but it's been over 5 months and resentment is probably a thing from the past, at least for most of them. Resentment would be much easier than what Tommy has in mind: indifference, like he stopped existing entirely to them and there's no reason to remember him even. Yeah, that hurts more.
But I deserve it.
After what was probably 5 minutes but felt like 5 hours, he finally rang the doorbell, taking a few steps behind to make his presence less threatening.
A warm smile received him, the kind eyes of Sergeant Grant looking straight at him.
“Tommy! You made it” he wanted to believe this was all an act, that her warm arms pulling him into a hug were just a way to pretend, for her to be civil about this, and yet, he missed them.
Missed this.
Missed the way in which her arm, like right now, would drive him inside the new place the couple built for themselves, missed the little comments about what they were having to eat and drink, and missed the way in which Bobby would appear, a beer bottle in hand ready for him to drink accompanied by a big smile.
“I’m glad you could make it Tommy, I didn't know if you'd feel up to it”
The coldness of the bottle helped him to ground himself, to remind himself this was just a cordial invitation: he wasn't a priority.
“For you and Athena? Believe me I'd even fly into a hurricane again” a small smile appeared on his lips when the couple laughed, both holding onto each other with a love he always dreamed of.
A love he let himself lose.
He looked down at the big bag, suddenly nervous about what he had gotten them “I-I got you two this, as a housewarming gift” Bobby's fingers brushing against his as he took the bag felt like fire, like he was being burned and was being warned and reminded not to get too close again “You don't have to hang it anywhere it's just— you can even put it in the garage if you want”
Athena's eyebrow arched and looked at Bobby, a question in both of their minds as they took the Kraft paper covered rectangle out of the bag. Their reaction when the paper was ripped would've made a good video, the kind that spread throughout social media and even reached the news.
Their eyes were glued to the painting, sparkling as they took in the details: a faceless couple dancing around what looked like dusts of wind, with leafs and flowers around them. The piece had a warm palette, except for the couple: a combination of pink and purple. “A hurricane of love” read the post-it note attached to the corner, which made the couple gasp when Bobby took it out, revealing the signature.
“You made this?” Bobby's voice hitched, and Tommy hoped it was a good thing that the man's eyes were glistening.
He nodded, his cheeks feeling strangely warm, and fidgeted with his fingers “I took on painting after—” he stopped himself from talking, a lump in his throat that suddenly made it harder for him to keep going.
After I broke my own heart.
#tommy kinard#bobby nash#athena grant#911 fic#911 abc#there'll be some bucktommy but it's a sort of an open ending
47 notes
·
View notes
Note
Your latest time-travel verse made me rewatch Kyoraku vs Starrk battle over Fake Katakura.
I have to say, over the years, I have forgotten how sad that battle is. The way Starrk mourns even Barragan's death and loses his (already small to begin with) desire to fight after it... The only reason the guy followed Aizen was because Aizen gave him... friends😭 A pack. The only reason he fought was to protect that pack. Doesn't matter if that pack consisted of some shady individuals. It was his. The first and only one he got in all his 1000+ years of existence. He had no desire to strike down his enemies - didn't kill Ukitake, proposed Love and Rose to retreat with their lives... In a way, he and Ichigo are very much alike in that sense.
Starrk was too honorable and naive and paid for that.
And Shunsui killed Lilynette😭 It is so heartrending when Starrk calls out to her with no answer...
Shunsui's philosophy, on the contrary, allows him "to be evil" in order to win. Yes, he does not like war, just like Starrk, but IMHO, "as soon as the war starts both sides are at fault" does not mean Shunsui is saying that both sides are wrong in the war and to not fight till you completely disable / kill your opponent. I think, to paraphrase, it means: "As soon as the war start, to win, both sides *will* have to be evil / There are no good people in a war because winning a war requires one to do evil things, so someone who were maybe a good person will have to become evil to win". This philosophy, basically, is "to unbound his hands" (as we say in our language, meaning when something is used to make a person free to act), a workaround that allows him to be ruthless to his opponents, despite his pacifistic nature.
Anyway, emotional rant over. I guess I just wanted to share my pain🥲 I just hope Shunsui killing a part of Starrk's soul and the only family he had will somehow be addressed between them in the future in your fic's universe. I think it's just too huge to leave out. And the only way I can see Starrk never saying anything at all to his Shunsui in TYBW timeline - is because he is THAT much of a sucker for pain and/or THAT much desperate for a genuine connection with somebody.
Starrk is just a really tragic character with a really tragic arc, canonically he was never meant to be saved or have a chance at something better.
I don't know if I'd call him particularly honourable, if only because that doesn't seem like the sort of thing he'd really think about and adhere to as a Hollow who'd spent his whole life in a place like Hueco Mundo, not in the same way a Shinigami would. I think it was more that he just didn't want to kill anyone when he'd already killed so many without ever having a choice in the matter, and now that he did, he didn't want to keep doing that if he didn't absolutely have to. He was definitely a bit naive about it because it was war, and he was up against one of the most powerful and ruthless Shinigami in existence. The moment he decided to hold back, he was destined to lose.
For Shunsui, I agree, he believes that to win a war, people have to get their hands dirty, and you can't do that and still remain "good". I also think he thinks that it's disrespectful to not do everything in his power to win, because even if that means throwing away his honour, to do anything less means risking the lives of those he's fighting that war for.
Which ties into why I personally think Starrk doesn't really blame Shunsui for Lilynette's death. I think Starrk is smart enough and similar enough to Shunsui to understand him. And why blame Shunsui when he can blame himself? He's the one who held back from the start, he didn't fight as hard as he could, he even had the chance to kill Shunsui if he'd just gone down to finish the job after shooting him instead of just backing off after disabling him, or he could've even shot him somewhere more leathal like the back of the head instead of the shoulder/chest, because at their level, which Shinigami or Hollow wouldn't survive a simple injury like that? He would've also been able to sense full well that Shunsui's reiatsu signature hadn't disappeared. So that choice is on him, and he paid for it with Lilynette's life.
I also think Starrk didn't have much conviction or resolve, I mean I don't think most of the Espada really believed in Aizen's cause, they just followed him for more power or because Aizen tricked them or forced them, and prob with a side of hypnosis to pave the way. So Starrk didn't even have anything concrete to believe in and fight for aside from a debt he felt he had to repay, and that was quickly wearing away when he saw how Aizen didn't give a shit about them.
So overall, he went into battle against Shunsui without any desire to fight or kill because he thought he didn't really have anything he wanted enough to fight for, right up until he lost Lilynette and realized that yeah he did have something precious to lose after all. In contrast, Shunsui was fighting for Soul Society and to protect his fellow Shinigami, and at the time, he definitely understood that far better than Starrk did.
If Starrk had survived, I think he would've understood that too, plus he just doesn't have the kind of temper that lashes out and casts blame on others due to excess emotion; rather, he has the sort of analytical mind to comprehend the cause and effect of things pretty instantly. That would all play a big part in why he wouldn't blame Shunsui for doing what he had to do to take Starrk out. He and Lilynette were one, Shunsui would've had to kill both of them sooner or later, otherwise he might as well lie down and give up, Starrk wasn't exactly an opponent he could take it easy with.
In the time travel verse here, Idk if I'd make it a particularly huge thing, because for Starrk it's been like 10+ years, I imagine he's laid that ghost to rest a long time ago even if the loss still hurts sometimes, plus it's not TBTP!Shunsui who killed her, and i think he would've hashed out the issue with TYBW!Shunsui already at the beginning. Of course, TBTP!Shunsui is bound to find out about it eventually, which could be interesting to poke at.
But in Take What's Broken (Make It Whole), it'll definitely come up sooner or later. Even if Starrk doesn't bring it up first, Shunsui will, and even if there's no blame, I imagine they would at least have to talk about it going forward.
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
I finished Veilguard, so spoilers ahead!
I didn't really get any pics of the end cause I was focused on what was happening so I didn't capture my Solavellan ending (I think I'll just reload right before it to get pictures before I delete my save) but that truly made me sick I love them sm - when they were speaking Elven to each other like my pookies 😖 Solas in general will always make me so sad. He's so tragic and I love him. Overall though the ending was just wild, I knew something was weird with Varric but I didn't necessarily guess THAT ??? that shit was straight crazy and replaying it is gonna make me like hyper vigilant to how the other characters react cause WHAT do u mean u sit there and let me be crazy as shit low-key. anyway I'm gonna play again and mayhaps I'll play Alya again some time, I still haven't fully decided who I'll play next but I'm excited.
My only complaints really are that I wish there was more romance (which EVERYONE said) Taash's romance was nice, and they're hawt asf but definitely could've had more dialogue and scenes specifically! Especially like I remember telling my partner that I wish I could erase my memory and romance Solas again. His romance was just so good, partly because he's Solas but also I felt there was a decent amount of content in DAI that seemed to fall through in Veilguard. Also, a lot of things felt sort of rushed I guess? Some of the issues or anything like that to me seemed to be briefly brushed upon before we moved to something else. This wasn't everything but it did seem to happen often (like the thing w Solas and Mythal at the very end... there's a lot implied there!)
Overall though the game is very easy to play, which I'll never complain about, I enjoyed most of my companions and it'll be fun to explore other romances, options, and just kind of see what I pick up on now that I know certain things. but yeah, I kinda regret not taking any endgame pics but I'll remake Vela at some point and get that ending again. I'd like to make Phaedrus (my Dorian romance) too at one point so we'll see. It truly has me itching to romance Solas again teehee
I guess one last thing - I'd like to say the theme of the game was very interesting, which I think is why I felt that it fell short right at the end. The theme of regret has a lot of potential and I feel it wasn't as explored as it could've been, but I was still happy for Solas in the end. I can't imagine playing a playthrough where you don't help him 😭 I guess I could maybe understand but I just couldn't do it. I truly feel bad for him at the end of the day. I just wish it explored it a little more like we got to see with Rook in the fade quest.
#solas#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#mine#veilguard#alya mercar#dragon age rook#rook#solavellan#commentary#thoughts
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#I feel like giving up#like I cant get a job#noone will give me an interview just a 'your application was unsuccessful'#no explanation just someone else was better I guess#but I'm applying for apprenticeships#the jobs that are for people with no skills becasue they teach you to do it on the job#hell I even got rejected from doing housekeeping and being an admin assistant#an admin assistant not admin#god fucking damn does that sting#so yeah wanna give up#not gonna though because theres life to live but goddamn is this crushing#I barely wanna do art too#like I wanna but I feel like its not worth it#cos when I do make art the only attention I really get is from my wife#and like thats nice#but its really disheartening to spend a lot of time on something and not have anyone acknowledge it#so similar feelings there I guess#no ones looking at my art or my job applications#like if I got one of them sorted I'd be good#cos I'd have money from either a job or commissions#but I don't got either#so my self esteem is really low rn and I dont know what to do with myself#I'm just rambling at this point#I'll shut up now and let you enjoy your dashboard now
1 note
·
View note
Text
tonight I go to bed grateful not to be in my bnha phase right now
#pickle pontificates#oh boy. i see stuff starting to blow up over there right now#i have many feelings and thoughts about that series and the amount of good it did for me cannot be underestimated#but i was starting to get a bit frustrated with it around when the war arc started#and i sort of fizzled out in interest#and i stopped keeping up with the manga around the traitor reveal i think#it's bittersweet because on the one hand i cannot say enough about the good it did me#it influenced my real life and studies and hobbies in kind of a big way#but on the other hand i don't feel great about the direction it went#and I'm glad I didn't have to be disillusioned while i was in the middle of fangirling and fixating and whatever else#I'd also rather not be involved in whatever discourse I keep catching whiffs of#seeing that was always the most exhausting part of trying to scavenge the fandom and i am too tired for that#yeah. i guess I'm just glad i got to spend time with it when i did and also that I'm doing other stuff now#watch me talk about media like it's my ex rofl#not entirely wrong though... pretty sure I have seriously and directly compared reading dungeon meshi to falling in love on here#and that's been the case with other things. i fall fast and i fall hard and then we have a passionate affair for a few months to a year#and then we amicably agree to be friends with benefits forever and I move on to the next one#(at least with stuff I really like)#bnha is more of an ex that I had a great time with who taught me a lot but I'm kinda only stalking them on social media once in a while#and they're sorta expressing some mildly concerning political opinions that I probably should've seen coming#but they really weren't that much of a problem back then so it's not like i could've really done anything about it#(this is totally different from the way i do relationships irl which is that i don't and haven't ever)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Me @ to anyone, please anyone, I am begging you-
#do i think we need an outsiders remake/reboot/etc? no#do i want one? FUCK YES#come we've gotten like over a dozen anne of green gables remakes#just one outsiders remake to reawaken the fandom#it doesn't even need to be good i just need it to become relevant again#in my most delusional fantasies I'd wish for a sort of AU where johnny and dally survive and live together and get out of tulsa)(and marry)#i know their deaths are very important to the story but you know what else would be so important?#showing two boys who were born to die defy their fates and the roles forced upon then by society#and become more than anyone including themselves ever thought for them#but more realistically i think a pre-outsiders tv show would be so so so good#characters like tim two bit and steve can be expanded upon#their home lifes their struggles etc#we can have more dally back story#the soc ans greaser dynamics can be explored more#cherry marcia randy bob can be explored and we can get more insight on the lives of the socs#we can see how darry was before their parents death and how it changes him#johnny before he got jumped#like there is so so so much that can be explored#(and a jally kiss)#the outsiders#bob sheldon#steve randle#cherry valance#jally#ponyboy curtis#darrel curtis#sodapop curtis#dallas winston#johnny cade#two bit mathews
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#here's some of the classics on that list i have beef with btw:#i have tried to read A Confederacy of Dunces several times and it's funny but it's also so cringe and Ignatius is so obnoxious#that i find it too difficult to finish like i just feel depressed and bad for everybody around him too much#i tried reading Infinite Jest like a decade ago and i got like 200 pages in and i remember thinking it felt like#such a slog the entire time because he's just so gd wordy and also i stopped liking DFW after i heard the abuse allegations against him#frankenstein i didnt read that long ago but i just remember finding it so boring for some reason?? i feel i might need to read it again#dracula ngl i feel like im cheating a bit saying ive completely read it because i loved the beginning and then HATED so much of the rest#the characters were just so boring and melodramatic hahaha i just liked the part where jonathan was doing a travel diary#and trapped in the castle tbh and after that i skimmed quite a bit#i almost flipped my shit when i saw ender's game on there because I ALWAYS mix it up with ready player one by ernest cline#which i bought the audiobook of a while back and hated every minute of it i dont think its good at all#but it wasnt that so phew my faith in this list is somewhat restored#i read most of the first game of thrones book and was disappointed tbh maybe because id seen the show already#so i was like 'this feels almost exactly the same except worse?' because i'd been expecting it to give me more depth and insight#into the characters but instead it felt exactly the same and i still didnt love any of the characters enough to feel attached to them#also i am fully aware me not personally liking or vibing with a book doesnt mean it doesnt deserve to be considered great btw#but i think if youre gonna be like me and force yourself to go through a bunch of lists like this very seriously then you also need to just#let yourself be like 'yeah not for me' without feeling too bad about it sometimes too#often times i dont particularly love the classics or 'important books' but at the same time#i still feel like im getting more out of reading them than just grabbing the newest hyped up books that also dont do anything for me#maybe not in a 'wow i loved reading this' way but in like a#'i now have first-hand knowledge of this thing that is so influential / so frequently referenced'#or 'this challenged me and i feel like i did a mental/emotional workout or gave me some new food for thought'#or 'made me more aware of what gaps in my knowledge and reading skills and what my tastes are too'#sort of way...#it really just depends on what you're reading for and why and what you're hoping to get out of it a lot of the time maybe#it's like the homework i give myself to go through these lists that i also intersperse with the stuff i read more just for fun#p
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
My sibling is trying to out Link me, you DARE QUESTION THE OG!! THE MASTER !! THE HOLDER OF THE KNOWLEDGE OF LINK !!!!!
#okay tbf I'm not super into all the lore and stuff but I do know some stuff lol#trivia and fun facts and I forget there was some sort of timeline somewhere#I haven't got the hype for the new game yet honestly it'll probably come about later#my brain is going more towards Toon Link games which tbf I enjoy Toon Link a lot#thinking about Four Swords and Minish Cap as well as Wind Waker of OG obviously#sadness tho cuz I went thru a lotta trouble to get Spirit Tracks but I didn't get the chance to play it cuz !!#it has blow mechanics :( it's meant for the DS but I had a 3DS and the 3DS microphone doesn't work as well :(#tbf I do think my old DS is around somewhere but I gave it to my sibling after I got my 3DS so no idea where they put it#ANYWAY idk if I even still HAVE the game I lost a good chunk of them from moving like 3 times to different places :(#plus I use to go on trips a lot and would take games with me so probably lost some along the way there as well#one day I will play all the Zelda games as I deserve to do even tho I fuckin suck so hard at those games but NO MATTER !!#I must do it... for the experience 😌#plus maybe read some of the manga#not in Zelda mode atm tho maybe if I played A Link Between Worlds I'd get back into it I dunno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#my sibling better not lose my games
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
It just will forever baffle me how unfair he has been. He kept constantly blaming me for all that was going wrong in his life, he could get upset to the point of wanting to hurt himself or worse over things as little as me disagreeing with his creative ideas or not wanting to listen to something he wanted to share at the moment, he abandoned his friend he knew for two years because he got interested in me too much to give her enough - and then because he convinced himself she didn't care for him anymore.
And I knew, all along, that I was not right for him. I kept telling him to keep reaching out and seek friends that he'd actually like and actually get along with. I kept insisting that he was doing it to himself by clinging to me where clearly he hated me to the point I could've hurt him by as much as setting up boundaries, having different opinions or having limitations as a human being. I told him that that friend he abandoned still cared for him and he could not just decide FOR her. But over and over, he denied everything and begged me to stay, saying how much he wanted to have future together, how I was like a sister he lost a chance to have, how we were supposed to share life experiences together and how I was the only one that felt "real". I kept sticking around despite the abuse, despite how much he was ruining my mental health and my social life (being abused distances you from even close people), all because I could not stand seeing him so hurt and alone. And the last deceit hurt especially bad, because he made me truly believe him. He said something that made me lose my guard, my focus on the fact that I was just a placeholder in his life until he finds someone fitting.
And just like I kept saying, as soon as he got enough money for good life, his mental health improved upon switching meds or something, he met a new friend and reconnected with that exact one he abandoned earlier - he declared me a dead weight on his life that has only been "killing" him and declared that the almost two years he spent with me were just a bad dream he was happy to finally forget.
I knew all along that the best thing I could do for him was to leave him, but I never did. I should have before he stopped caring for me entirely out of blue, because now he didn't even learn anything. He lost nothing of value in his eyes, just a person that "wasted his time". So what if his current friends """fail""" him again? He'll just seek an outlet in new ones, until they prove "useless" and he'll ditch them too, and so on. Some people just can't appreciate someone's personality, they only value people for what they can give to them. Or.. is it just me? At times I am genuinely annoyed when people tell me I am a valuable person and anyone who can't love and appreciate me is an idiot, because on the contrary, in my life all people that despised me and saw me as a waste of their time the most were all high IQ, very well-read and educated, very sophisticated individuals. Clearly, there is a correlation between being very smart and deeming me as human garbage - in a way jealous haters, hypocritical control freaks and callous ableists I've met online never could.
Honestly, sometimes I should decide for someone else. I always knew he hated me and splitting with me was to the better for him, but I let his tears and clinginess force me to feel bad and go back every time. And to doubt that maybe I was the delusional one and could not be sure of someone else's needs. Honestly, guys - when you are given every single indication that you are hated and only kept around out of their fear of loneliness and low self-esteem... it is all there is. It is not a situation where you should listen to your heart, to hope or to give benefit of the doubt. Being abused is something you can only comprehend with mind and knowledge, there is no bigger story and no intricate matters.
Still, I hate how as painfully stupid and naive for my age as I am, I've been able to understand things way more correctly than a much older, much more mature person with high intellect and tons more of life experience. I was right all along, but I hate being right sometimes. And I hate always being discarded as soon as people's lives improve. I hate always being just a placeholder. Apparently, no one whose life is good would ever want to burden themselves with me.
#/vent#personal#I should have left while he'd still delude himself that I was someone important for him#maybe that way he'd take a good look at how he treats people and why he loses them#on the other hand maybe he won't mistreat anyone now that he has money and mental stability#honestly I am just cursed with some sort of cosmic injustice#every single person that harms and mistreats me walks away their merry way thriving and happy#i sticked with the bastard through his worst times and not just when he got stable and nice#yet all I got is accusation of 'wasting his time' and having been ruining his life and getting-#-forgotten like a bad dream#us in Russia believe that true friends are known in times of pain and advercity#that true friend is the one who stays with you through your WORST and not just when you're good#i guess westerners have different ideals. maybe rightfully so. he hated me all along after all.#I guess me wanting to stay with him and help no matter the cost did not matter for him since-#-that was coming from someone that wasn't his taste in people (platonically but still)#if I had someone who stayed with me despite abusing them due to poor mental health and-#-trauma I'd never ever ever just discarded them simply after getting my mental state fixed#I guess I was just a waste of his time because I still showed pain and anger in responce to abuse.#this summer was a mess#he and A that backstabbed me and my friends were the biggest self-esteem wounds on me in years
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
it’s so funny how much kids seem to like me when i struggle so much understanding the words they’re saying if they’re really little and i’m BETTER at interacting with them than i used to be after all these years with my nephew and nieces but still like. kinda awkward
i like them too, to be clear, kids are the fucking BEST even if i don’t want them for myself. but i’m always just kind of stunned when kids attach themselves to me seemingly so easily
#and it's just like?? most of the kids i interact with?#started with my nephew when he was much younger i'd guess not long after we met and started spending time together#and my older niece is much the same way when she comes over she wants to take me around with her#their younger sister not so much but she's still p exclusively attached to her parents it seems#so maybe in a year or two for her#and then my godson sure bc i've gone theirs a couple times a year every year for giving him birthday and christmas presents#but his siblings all get excited to see me too (sidebar his younger sister was dressed so cute today and i'm like#it was not like that when i was 10 oh my god)#and the youngest is more shy in general i think but he was v shy of me when i was over just a few months ago#and today we played tossing coins back and forth to each other and he had the biggest smile on his face#and he wanted to show me some toys in his room#and then he had one of those blankets that's also like a sort of lil costume of a monster#and he asked me to put it on him and then i did the whole pretending he's the monster that's gonna get me#but i was just like omg where did this turnaround come from you didn't wanna interact with me a few months ago#anyway kids are fascinating and also so fun and i love them i love them#i just wish i was better at the play stuff my brother apparently loves doing the make believe stuff with his daughter#which doesn't surprise me he's got a good imagination but yeah i'm always just like. idk how to do this#tbf i don't think kids really notice/care as long as you're engaging with them and all but still i just wish i was better at it#especially bc like if i WERE...working with kids might be fun but idk#personal
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i never got burying yourself in your work to avoid all your other problems. until now. save me sweet coding work~
#i stop coding for more than 5 minutes and suddenly I'm back feeling like my world is falling apart in real time#my mind becomes Sky Island's Threat music. I only do not feel like this when I'm sleeping or working#you know I'm doing bad when I'm fucking coding of all things to escape it#maybe I should keep this going through my next assignment ay? idk if I'd survive being in constant emotional distress that long tho....#like...I would ideally like to take a break. yknow. for christmas and my birthday#I just gotta. sort my shit out. I have to talkkk to people. even though I really don't want to#i can't just assume things are going to turn out certain ways because of my previous bad life experiences#as much as my heart wants to bury itself in it and never emerge I can't keep. reliving all these bad events that happened like that#I'm gonna drag it out screaming and crying to embrace vulnerability and openness#It's been 5 years I don't think just telling myself to get over it and to be normal is. cutting it#It's not happening. I'm going to have to live with what scars that left me for the rest of my life#so I need to find a way to talk about why I'm like this to people who don't just know#and it's up to them whether they want to give me the support and affirmations I may need. it's out of my control#I...feel a little better now that I have a vauge mindset and plan of action. I gotta wait till saturday to even start tho ehe....#got an assignment due I can milk having to bury myself in work to avoid this till friday#it makes me more productive aha! Guess it's one good thing about this mess dshsdhsd#Android.txt
1 note
·
View note
Text
The Joshua section of my oni playlist is looking great so far
#rat rambles#oni posting#Im sure this will feel perfectly fine to listen to and wont result in me having to skip at least one of the songs involved everytime#I never look for joshua songs I just listen to music and receive visions#well tbf that's how I find all my jackie songs too but yknow#everyday is just me looking for songs for any characters other than jackie and guess whos gangly ass shows up every time#I rly need to find a proper ellie song I only rly have sort of ellie songs#and one of them is mesmerizer which basically doesnt count#and the other one I have is a stretch since its mostly because I have an amv in my head for it#idk maybe she should just try to be as interesting as the joshua lore I made up in my head :/#but in actual seriousness the main problem with finding good ellie songs is that most songs that I find that could fit her fits someone#else better and this isn't even just an oni thing like Ive found songs that have come so close to making it on the playlist but got snagged#by an oc first and in ellie's case marci keeps stealing all her shots at getting more songs#like I Could just slap them on the oni playlist anyways but them I'd listen to it and just start thinking abt marci instead#also they just like. fit her better than ellie.#so ellie is stuck in playlist limbo next to nikola who got his one semi song and nothing more#hey theyre doing better than nails the closest they have is the rabbit au nails clones getting a song#I love my rabbit au clone ocs they are so silly I love making au specific ocs that I put through the horrors#I still think abt my random card au ocs pretty regularly even tho they dont even have names and mostly just exist for worldbuilding#especially the dog lady who I mostly made to get murdered by glitter green shes my beloved#I should try to draw her at some point (won't do that since she has thin long hair and Id rather die than draw that)#rly tho I should design my clone guys theyre mostly easy since theyre y'know. clones.#theres some of them with notable design differences tho#theres the nails who cant sleep whos very disheveled and looks like they're on deaths door at any given time because they are#and theres the joshua who found out abt the horrors and had an existential crisis over it and became emo#and the nikola who found out abt the horros and had an existential crisis over it and put his hair in a ponytail abt it#the latter two are also besties and maybe kiss sometimes idk#and then theres my bestie the jean that's olivia's lackey and is absolutely obsessed with her and is fucked up in the head a lil bit#most of the clones across the story are less notably different from their blueprints tho and even less so visually#and when I say most of them I mean like almost all of the nails clones since the other three only actually had the one or maybe two
0 notes