#like if I didn't have this shit I could be striving right now

[akiiame-blog]

Have you ever felt terrified and horrible when you realize that your anxiety and/or depression is driving yourself away from the connections that you've established? And that it'll be a matter of time before you end up disconnecting yourself from everyone?

this has not been a great day chat

[thevoidscreams]

Another request for Mating Press March?

I know you already have one Lamenter request, but they are my favorite Sad Boys and I'd like to put in another:

Your Lamenter lover finds you alive and well after thinking he witnessed your death, and proceeds to go absolutely feral.

Thanks!

Let's try this again. And hopefully I don't start TWEAKIN

Warnings: Emotion distress (For characters and writer both), rough sex, and breeding, he goes a bit nutty at the end but he fine, I swear. also lore about my oc's that no one asked for

Word count:2972

Simus could no more deny you the right to tour duty or your work then you could him his vows to the imperium or the emperor. Still he wished he knew you were anywhere else but the ground right now.

He leveled his bolter and took aim, a fine red mist replaced the head of the ork as he continued moving. Reports were coming in from his brothers. The orks had been a surface issue. And he didn't like what he was hearing over the vox.

You finished lathering a thick coating of new skin over the guardsman's leg. His stitches would hold for now and the antiseptic new skin would keep it from infection. He thanked you and got up, you sent him on his way with instructions to be careful as you cleaned up bloody rags and began to clean the mess your most recent patient had left. The tear had been ragged and hard to close, In the end his fellow guard had to give some of their blood if possible to help keep him alive. The rest made it out with far fewer injuries. Though not every one who had come to you had been as lucky. The sheet covered body of a young soldier was tucked into the back corner of the transport where it wouldn't be disturbed by you moving about.

They were gone for half an hour before the radio you kept on in case of emergencies buzzed to life, the words weren't easy to make out through a constant hum of static but what you did hear iced your blood. "Orks..only beginning...awoken.. evacuate citizens..Necrons awake."

Well, it tracked you sighed as you rushed to pack up. Simus was always worried about you being on the ground during conflicts. But this was your job, your calling. You had to struggle and strive for years in school to make it as a field surgeon and medic. Yes, you were put more close to the danger but you were also closer to all those who needed you. If you stayed on the barge, your patients might not ever make it to you for treatment.

You tried the radio again to see if you could get a hold of your lover. Nothing, the radio crackled and died before you even got a single call out. Normally you'd hear from him every two hours, but the radio had been going down constantly in the old transport you'd been allowed to commandeer as a mobile medical wing. You climbed into the driver seat and tried once then twice then a third time to turn over the engine. It didn't so much as chug or huff. You slammed your closed fist on the dash and swore. "Come on!"

"We need to get going." Gideon, one of the chapter's apothecaries spoke, peering into the transport. "I know, the damn thing won't start." You hopped out of the seat and Gideon took your pack from your shoulder and motioned to the west. "They're coming from that direction, they'll drive the orks and our forces eastward. We don't have much time." Gideon warned. "Yeah, when is there ever enough time?" You rounded the vehicle and hauled the hood open. There was nothing you could see, the machine just seemed cold, and unable to run. "What's wrong with this thing?" You growled, frustrated that your only source of somewhat safe travel had shit the bed. "I do not know. I am not a tech marine, the machine I service is the body." "Yeah well you look capable and I suppose when someone is capable you want to ask them." The old apothecary snorted. "Save your flattery for your lover."

Gideon had been working side by side with you since you joined the Lamenters. He was an old hand and he had seen his fair share of shit hit the fan. He helped you close the hood as it was too high for you to reach. He was also the only one who knew for certain that you and Simus weren't just good friends. When he'd first broached the topic with you, you'd nearly run face first into a door in your panic to leave. But he did not condemn the two of you. 'My brothers and I do not walk an easy path. If any of them can have a soft place to land at the end of the day, I wish them to have it. And if that place is you, then please, all I ask is that you be gentle to his hearts.'

With one final frustrated kick you decided to just leg it. There was blood under your fingernails, it reminded you that there was still a body in the back of the transport. You wouldn't be able to take it with you but maybe someone could collect him once all of this was over.

You needed to let someone know that you wouldn't be here, and that there was a body in need of funeral services.

 "Gideon, can you vox-" The front of his beak helm exploded into a shower of hot fragments. You swore and hit the ground as Gideon took his bolter from his side and fired into the oncoming group of orks that had crested the hill to the north west.

"Go!" Gideon shouted and you bounded up from the ground and south east, towards the town they were evacuating. However many of them there were, it couldn't have been much as Gideon caught up and hauled you from your feet, holding you like a sack of potatoes under one arm. Throne, could this day get any worse?

Simus's feet pounded the soft earth as he ran full tilt back towards the east. With his brother at his back they were seven strong. Their captain, Ulric had had to head back to the drop ships with Luchinus to seek aid for his legs. Or rather what was left of them. The captain left him with the orders to pull back and regroup to help usher the civilians to drop ships and get them into orbit. He was especially vehement that they should be careful. But Simus couldn't think about his own safety at a time like this.

He needed to get to the armored transport his hearts were pounding. With the Necrons awake this whole operation had gone from bad to worse. They needed back up.

He nearly stopped dead in his tracks, his ceramite clad feet churning us grass and mud as he slid to a stop. The transport was ahead of him. 

What was left of it anyhow. A gang of orks growled and swung at each other as they fought over the scraps of something while even more went to work dismantling the haul of the vehicle. Simus's blood went from ice to boil as he saw two of the beasts tug the mutilated torso of a human body apart like two dogs with a bone. "No." His legs felt weak and he screamed as he drew his chain blade. His brothers joined the fray as the orks turned and howled in excitement for another scrap. Raising barely cobbled together bolters and other guns. Simus cut his way through the crowd of green reeking bodies, guts and blood, splattered his armor as he wailed incoherently at the monsters around him. 'They ate her! They ATE her! Theyatehertheyatehertheyatehertheyatehertheyateher!!!!' The words repeated in his mind over and over as he cried and tore his way through body after body until he stood over a mountain of mutilated carcasses and his armor shone red as their brothers' of the blood angels.

His Sargent grabbed his shoulder and pulled him away. "Brother we must go! The people of this world still need us." "They ate her." His voice was tinny through his helmet's grill. His brother looked at what few shreds of human meat were left under all the other carnage. "I am sorry brother. I know you cared for the girl, but there will be time to grieve for her later."

He went with them. His mind and body screaming at him to turn around and retrieve you, in any sense that he could. But he followed the order to move on with numb obedience.

Gideon set you down in the safety of a ship, ready to depart for the barge in the skies above. "Was anyone able to reach him?" You asked, Gideon shook his head, he set down his ruined helm and sighed. "No, and what's worse is that we’ll be flying blind till we breach the atmosphere."

"I hope he's okay." You sighed and Gideon put an armored hand on your back. "I'm sure he'll be fine. Simus would do anything to get home to you. You know that." You did, but it didn't make you worry any less.

Outside the windows you saw a writhing tide of green and silver as orks and Necrons battled each other over the remains of your transport. "Sheesh, I hope Simus doesn't see that." You chuckled trying to bring your own mood up. Gideon got up to see to the well being of the civilians, you joined him, making sure that no one was hurt. It would help pass the time.

Simus didn't remember the trip back up. Or how long it took, or what happened between the transport and the armory where his armor was taken away to clean. His eyes burned and his legs finally gave out. An arm caught him. Captain Ulric held him up with a look of concern on his weathered face. "Brother, what ails you?" Simus just shook his head and the tears came forth, pouring from him he tried to grapple with the thought that you weren't there anymore.

Ulric's concern doubled at the display and he led Simus away to speak with him in private. He held his brother for several long minutes as he sobbed. He didn't force an answer from the younger astartes.

"I went back to the transport. I was going to get the medic to a safer place." He took a ragged breath and Ulric just held him tighter. "They got her. They were tearing her apart. The orks."

Ulric felt his chest tighten. "Simus, you cannot blame yourself for her death. We do what we can but we cannot save every person. Take heart in those we did save today and do not dwell on your failures my brother." Simus shook his head. "No, I lost her Ulric. She's gone." He wept, and Ulric did not understand. "I understand you were close to her. That she was your friend but we lose those we care about, it happens."

Simus's hands closed on Ulric's shoulders, it did not matter to him now if the captain knew, he would take whatever punishment it entailed. "I love her, Ulric. She was not just my friend. I loved her so much." He felt as if his hearts would tear themselves apart. The confession made many things fall into place for the captain. "I understand. Come, I will bring you to your chambers and you will rest. We may discuss this further later."

Ulric helped the grief-stricken Simus to his private quarters and set him on the bed. "Take some time for yourself here. You know where to find me when you are ready." SImus nodded and Ulric pressed his forehead to the top of Simus's. "We will get through this brother."

With that he left the camber and shook his head trying to clear it of his own grief, the captain saw in his eyes a pain so familiar it had nearly killed the captain once. He walked slowly, memories of another in his mind. He would do all he could, but the only way to heal was time and support. He would not tell the chapter master. He would take this secret to the grave for Simus. As any good father would.

He hadn't been in the armory, or the strategium, or even the showers. You asked every marine you passed until you rounded a corner and ran nose first into the chest plate of captain Ulric. "Oh, captain! Thank the throne, have you seen Simus, I can't find him anywhere!" The captain looked so startled as he looked over your form. "Captain?" You asked, his eyes wide he responded in barely a whisper. "His quarters." You smiled up at him, delighted. "Thank you." You zipped off before he could stop and warn you. "What on Terra is happening today?"

The door wasn't locked, you pressed your palm to the panel and it slid right open. Simus was kneeling on the floor, his face buried in the pillow you'd been sleeping soundly on not even a day earlier. His body was shaking as his body wrecked with his silent sobs. You rushed to his side without a second thought and shook his shoulder gently. "Simus, my love, what happened?" He turned so quick you could hear the bones in his neck crack. His eyes were wide and haunted, as if he was seeing a ghost. "My hearts?" His voice was hoarse as he reached for you. When his hands met a warm solid body instead of cold and empty air he cried out. His arms encircling you and crushing you against his chest. "Oh my hearts, you're alive!" He continued to weep, but this time his tears were of relief and almost disbelief. He kissed you hard, taking your breath away as he practically crushed you. You finally managed to steal a breath, and wiggled your arms free enough to return the hug. "Of course I'm alive. Why would you think I was dead?"

He pressed his face into your neck as he explained. Your heart hurts just hearing the echoes of his grief. It sank in then just how much he truly loved you, and your whole body felt warm as you knew the feeling was mutual. Simus needed to ensure that this never happened again, that he was certain that you were safe. He knew he could not demand you give up your work, it was a part of who you are. But maybe, he could delay your return to the field for a while. He wouldn't hurt you, no he could never hurt you. But he knew he didn't have to hurt you to have you put on leave. His cock twitched as he caught your scent again, this time warm and alive. Oh yes, he could do that.

His hands tugged at your clothes as he kissed you again. You found that you could not resist him, the day had just been too much and you needed him. He needed you too.

You reached for your buttons and tugged at them. A few popped off but you didn't care. Simus made quick work of your pants, they came off and he drooled at the sight of you mostly naked below him. He tore the body glove from his form to free his cock. Then he fell upon you, his mouth seeking your throat as he marked your skin, sucking dark angry red. You knew they would hurt later but you didn't care. His cock pressed at your entrance. He didn't take the time to finger you or eat you out as he normally would, this wasn't that kind of lay.

He pushed in, you hissed as your body was forced to adjust rapidly to his girth. But he didn't slow down, he needed you full of him, full of his seed. If you were with a child you couldn't be on the field, and he would know that his beloved was safe.

"My hearts~" He moaned as he pulled back and thrust into you. Your body was so warm, so wet, and so very, very alive.

His arms encircled you once more as he rutted into you, one arm behind your head to keep it from hitting the hard floor as he fucked you with reckless abandon. Your body took him so well, he thought and he had to swallow another mouthful of drool at the mental image of you heavily pregnant with his child growing inside you.

The pleasure had been dulled by pain at first but soon it was molten hot in your core and you were screaming his name as he fucked you. His teeth nibbled more bruises into your shoulder, his tongue soothing the skin after each one he made. Your fingernails dug into his back, scoring lines down his pale flesh as he took you animalistically. He'd never been this rough before, before it had been sex, love making, but now he was just ravaging you. And you loved it. You eyes rolled back and you came, your voice as hoarse as his had been from screaming his name and mindlessly begging for more.He gave you more, cumming deep within you as he continued to fuck you near to the point of breaking your mind. Again and again, until you'd been under him for so long that by the time he'd finished for the last time, you couldn't even cum again, your body simply didn't have it in you. He dragged you up from the floor admiring his handiwork. A fat rivulet of his cum gushed from your cunt and onto the floor. 'Ah, that's a shame.' Simus thought as he tucked you into bed. His body curled around you. 'Well, there's more where that came from.' He smiled and fell asleep with you in his arms. He was still not entirely sure if you were here with him, or if he'd gone mad with grief and had dreamed all this. Either way at least he got to have your warmth next to him again.

(Probably gonna make a follow up to this)

[lara-kaminari]

𝑺𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒊𝒅𝒅𝒆𝒓 - 𝑶𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒔 𝑮𝒂𝒖𝒏𝒕 × 𝑭!𝑹𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

warnings: smut, big dick!ominis, size kink, breeding kink, unprotected sex, dirty talk (a lot).

w/c: 2.5K

a/n: Happy Valentine's Day! I'm practicing a different way of doing smut and trying that whole dirty talk thing, this shit is hard. Believe me, I don't understand what I write because in my language it sounds different and there are things that.... Well... This really was an experience.

No one would ever guess that a fun adventure could end in a nightmare.

The decorated Hogwarts hero always stood up to danger. Years had passed since her student days and her bravery was still as strong as when she survived a dragon attack. After such terrible experiences, should infiltrating an illegal network of dark wizards have been a problem? Of course not, which is why she took the job.

However, nothing went according to plan.

That's okay. All is not lost. She may be alone now, half-naked, tied up in a basement with other women waiting to be sold to the highest bidder, but it's only a matter of time until she comes up with a good plan. If it weren't for the drugs in her food she would have caused a tremendous explosion by now.

Maybe someone from the Ministry knows about the sale and they will come to her rescue. Yes, that would be logical. Just the right person in the crowd and it's all over. Even if no one shows up she'll be able to snap his neck when he gets distracted; yes, she'll get the attention of the man in that hideous see-through nightgown they've put on her and put her hands around his neck until he stops breathing.

—You're next.

One of the dark wizards pulls her by the arm and she restrains the urge to bite him.

They take her to some kind of small stage, there is a strong light hitting her face and making it difficult to see beyond her feet. The man continues to hold her arm and she has to turn her face away so that the light stops burning her retinas.

They call her name, set a base price and the auction begins.

No one has that much money, but there are many striving to raise the price. It's hard to see who's talking or where the exit is. The best thing to do would be to wait for some poor sucker to buy it and then get rid of him. Or maybe no one will come up with suitable numbers and return it to the basement.

A male voice offers a number so loud that the room falls silent. And just like that, she is sold.

Who bought her? That's a good question. As she is dragged into a room in solitary for her to meet her buyer she schemes out a possible answer. That voice in the crowd sounded familiar. Too familiar. The low, serious, almost cold tone reminded her of….

But it couldn't be.

Ominis Gaunt is just an old memory from school. Were they close? Yes, briefly in fifth grade. Then Sebastian came along and… The rest is history. Ominis was always staunch in his beliefs and ideals, no one could change that. She couldn't. However, what if he was her savior? Only a good person like Ominis Gaunt could rescue her.

It comes as a pleasant surprise that he's the one who walks through the door.

—So it's true. —He said. —This is where you've ended up… Not quite worthy of your glory.

—Ominis…I knew I recognized your voice, I didn't think the Ministry would send you to rescue me; how long have you been working with them? Are you an auror?

—Work with the Ministry? They work for me.

—I don't understand.

But maybe she did understand a little. She hadn't seen Ominis since school ended. She'd heard stories about him taking over some family business, but nothing too explicit. However, seeing him there, seeing him in his dark splendor was a different matter.

For he did, indeed, look different. Taller, more serious, though with that hint of a smirk at the corner of his lips. He was well dressed and his clothes looked expensive. Something in his figure screamed that he did not mean well.

—What are you doing here, Ominis?

—I'm shopping, and I seem to have acquired an interesting toy.

—I don't-…

—I've bought you, now you belong to me.

—What now? Will you hurt me?

—Maybe, I could hurt you. I could hurt you very much, but I won't. I can't, you're my new little doll and I would never hurt you. —As Ominis spoke, he placed his hands on her waist. She closed her eyes. His chest bumped against hers. —Although I would hurt people for you… And I would have to punish you if you made things difficult.

She had nowhere to go. Ominis began to kiss the curve where her neck and shoulder met.

—I know you'll be good; after all, you're such a good little angel that you'd never do anything to be punished, would you? —Ominis began to nibble gently at her neck, ignoring the way she tried to push him away. —Because I'd have to be too hard on you and I know you don't want that.

No. He was insane, there had to be another way out.

—Ominis, just… Just let me go now and… And we can… We can forget this, no need for us to-…..

Ominis pushes her against the nearby wall and she screams, she doesn't know if from shock or from the blow. Her attention is snatched away by the sensation of two cold hands squeezing her tits above her nightgown.

—You have a very nice pair of tits, big and soft. —He said, as if there was no problem with her actions or words.

He circled her nipple with a fingertip before stroking and pinching it lightly. She squealed. Ominis took one of the nipples into his mouth. He licked it once before closing his lips to suck. She squirmed against the wall at the invasive sensations. He nibbled and caressed her breast to give the other some attention as well.

—Now I want you to listen to me. —hissed Ominis. His voice was stern, like a priest before a sinner. —My comfort is the only thing that matters; I own you, I possess you… Repeat it.

His hand slowly moves down to the mound of her new toy. She doesn't react fast enough to push him away. Ominis is touching her. He is touching her between her legs.

—Your comfort is the only thing that matters. You… You own me. —She repeated.

His finger had begun to move back and forth like the pendulum of a clock, the tip barely grazing her slit.

—Very good, and what else?

Every caress against her outer lips was a well-founded provocation. It was different for him since touch was his most reliable avenue of perception. Ominis wanted to feel everything and play with it.

The velvety soft finger pressed lightly, breaking her folds and still swinging like a pendulum, only now the tip of his finger pressed against her clitoris with each pass, giving her a jolt of lightning each time he did it.

—You own me.

—Excellent, that's just what I want to hear.

Her mouth opened and her head jerked back as a finger pressed, plunging into her hot folds completely, coating herself with the wetness she found there. Within seconds another joined in, invading her property, she moaned and Ominis' laughter in response was so dark it nearly brought her to orgasm.

—Do you think I never wanted to fuck this pussy? You were always so close and so far away, strutting around with total confidence; for years I wanted to show you where your true place is: kneeling at my feet. —His fingers had curled, trapping her clit between his knuckles, stimulating her hidden sides as they moved back and forth, pulling back her hood and making her see stars. —Oh but it would be a shame to do it this way, don't you think? Wouldn't it be sweeter if you asked me? Tell me you want this, tell me and I'll give it to you.

She was in no condition to answer. Her hips moved on their own following the movement of his fingers. Her legs spread a little wider, perhaps there would be more dignity in simply remaining silent and waiting for him to take what he wanted from her.

That last prospect was less embarrassing. Her current situation was terrible: She felt her clitoris flushing red hot and only Ominis' hands could soothe her.

—You'll have to talk sooner or later, my dear; what does this needy little pussy want from me?

Ominis was brusque and overbearing, perhaps more of a beast than a man. Who could blame her for giving in?

—Please. —she moaned, all too aware of the way he rubbed her clit from above, from the sides, anywhere just where she needed it.

The outline of his cock stood out in relief against his sleek tailored pants, a fat, full cock desperate to get out. She wanted to be filled by his cock, for him to stretch her beyond her limits and fuck her in just the way his words threatened.

—Please, make me cum. —She begged. The pressure of his fingers had settled into a merely provocative rhythm cupping her entire mound in his palm and she gasped as the fingers inside her curled.

—Is that what you need?

Merlin, she was going to cum soon enough at this rate, having an orgasm under these circumstances from being unable to control herself. Who knows what Ominis would do next now that she has fallen into his trap. All she knows is that he really likes her little screams and whimpers.

—That's it; I'll take over this pretty pussy anytime you want me to, sweetheart. Whenever you want to be licked I'll spread your legs to eat you out until you cum. Every time you want me to fill you with my cock I'll be here to fuck you so good you won't be able to remember your own name. —Ominis gasped, increasing the intensity of her fingers. —I'm going to spoil this pussy any way you want, all you have to do is let yourself go.

She wasn't sure what was making her come: the way he was rubbing her or the things he was saying. He penetrated her with a solid, firm flick of his wrist, stroking her inner walls and never letting up on his pressure on her clitoris, and she stirred as if she were in heat.

When she clenched around him, her thighs quivering and her eyes moist, he let out a low murmur of approval, continuing his motion until her contractions slowed. She watched him through narrowed eyes withdraw his hand and suck his fingers clean, as calm and serene as ever.

—Ominis…

There was no going back. She wanted more.

—Is this what you want? —The bulge in Ominis' pants was prominent, she felt her hands tingling with the need to see its weight and thickness.

—Yes. —She whispered, her mouth was dry.

—Yes what? Be clearer.

—Yes, this is what I want, I want your cock. —Her eyes closed momentarily out of inadequate modesty. She was gnawed by the desire to get down on her knees and take it right then and there.

—My cock? Is that what you want? Would you enjoy eating my cock?

She swallowed hard and her legs spread a little wider, searching in vain for a friction that wasn't there. Pleasure wasn't even beginning to categorize how the idea of touching him, stroking him and bringing him to orgasm felt.

—Use your words. —He wasn't playing, the note of danger in his voice was the reminder.

—Yes…

—Yes what? Do you need me to teach you how to speak properly?

He's a bastard.

She looked up and a moment of bravery came over her.

—Yes… I'd really enjoy stroking your cock. I'd love to stroke your cock.

—Tell me more.

He made no move to stop her as she reached out to stroke him over his clothes and her hands helped unbuckle his belt.

—I'd like to milk you dry.

—Lean on your hands and knees on the bed, you have earned a reward.

This couldn't be real, being on her hands and knees on the bed, facing the wall. Ominis' hand came up to meet her center, rubbing wide circles against her lips, finding her soaking wet.

—Perfect, you're perfect.

She cried out as the first licks of his tongue sent shivers down her spine. His tongue was hot and long, long like a snake, thrusting and fucking her from behind, a delicious sensation that could not be imitated by other men. When he licked her clit, her mind went black.

—I want you to cum on my tongue. —Ominis ordered her. —That's the way it's going to be from now on, understand? You're always going to cum first and it's going to be against my mouth.

She moaned as he sucked on her clit, vibrations from her orgasm caused her legs to tremble, shaking her thighs until she spasmed. She cum against his tongue in a wave of convulsions, almost sobbing as his roughness moved to her opening, pushing inside and drinking her nectar. He continued to lick her as the throbbing inside her subsided.

When he finally let her go, she considered that it might not be worth returning to her regular life. Never had her pussy been eaten so pleasurably, never had she been touched like this before. Reaching orgasm from oral sex had long ago been ruled out, but it happened. And maybe, once he'd prepared her and stretched her; once he'd taken his cock completely, she'd never be able to run away from him.

—Please. —she moaned. —Please, please, please… I need your cock so badly.

Her plea broke into a choked cry as the thick head of his cock pressed against her entrance, moving agonizingly slow. She fought against the burning, his fat cock stretching her harder than she had ever been stretched, pressing firmly against her.

—Oh- Ominis… It won't go in, it's too much… Too big….

Little pushes, just enough movement to make her dig her nails into the mattress and stand with her mouth open.

—You're taking it so well, your pussy squeezes me so tight I can only move forward.

—Please, Ominis, I….

—I love to hear you beg, but you don't need to beg for my cock: it's already yours. I'm going to take care of fucking your pussy every day.

—Yes, give it to me. —She gasped, losing herself completely as he began to pump. Slow and deep, deeper than she'd ever been fucked. —Thank you, thank you, this is what I want… Merlin, I love your cock.

The slow penetration wouldn't stop, how much more was left to take, a few more inches? She couldn't take it, she feared if she looked down she would see a bulge protruding from her lower belly. She was full, so full, and shuddered as Ominis finally bottomed out.

As his heavy balls began to slam into her, she came undone.

—I want to feel you cum around my cock. —Ominis said. —I want you to squeeze me until your pussy has the permanent shape of me, because it's the only cock that will make you scream like this.

Ominis' onslaught began to take on a sense of urgency as she babbled like a fool as his cock kissed the most sensitive spots inside her.

—Come inside me. —She sobbed. The dragging of the head of his penis against her G-spot was making her stomach contract. —Please, please, please empty those big balls inside me, I want you to give me every last drop.

As Ominis fingers began stroking circles around her clit, she cummed. Tears ran down her cheeks at how good it was. Thick white spurts enter her abused pussy, filling her completely, some seeping past her clogged hole.

That escape plan can wait.

[pikahlua]

i have a question about this chapter

in the beginning, bakugou says “i’m done messing around izuku(?)” but i’m confused on what it means. does this mean that he isn’t gonna treat him horribly anymore or he’s done messing around and he’s coming into his own (quirk/name/person)?

Didn't wanna answer until I published the translation.

もうおめーの邪魔はしねえ もうおめーのじゃまはしねえ mou omee no jama wa shinee I won't get in your way anymore.* (*Note: This is a sentence that could have many potential translations: "I won't get in your way anymore," "I won't hold you back anymore," "I won't be a hindrance to you anymore," etc.)

This is one of those "Katsuki Bakugou contains multitudes" lines where he means a lot of things at the same time.

The surface-level, pseudo-obvious meaning is that Katsuki won't be a jerk to Izuku--but that doesn't actually make sense, because he isn't a jerk to Izuku anymore. That shit is long over.

I think the key to understanding this line lies in chapter 406:

The major struggle Katsuki has had throughout this final arc is about his sense of inferiority compared to Izuku. Remember, he was revived at the time when he could save All Might from AFO and make up for his perceived weakness that caused All Might's downfall.

So in one sense, Katsuki is saying he's strong now. His lack of power will no longer be a burden. Now he can run alongside Izuku and match his pace and support him without Izuku ever having to worry.

But there is also some deeper meaning behind that sentiment, one that's had roots in Katsuki's journey through the entire story, since chapter 1.

It's Katsuki's relationship with victimhood.

From the beginning, the one insecurity within Katsuki that was so great he would actually kind of voice it aloud was his fear that he couldn't match up to Izuku and that Izuku looked down on him for it.

And this all ties back into his insecurities about his role in All Might's downfall. All of this was a major point of what "Deku vs Kacchan, Part 2" was all about.

It's something I dissected a long time ago here:

So it's not that Katsuki wants to protect Izuku; Katsuki doesn't want to be the reason for Izuku's downfall.

And here:

Katsuki lightens Izuku’s load by looking out for everyone else, and this is why Katsuki works so well as Izuku’s weakness. He’s become the cornerstone of Izuku’s house of cards. As much as he hates being a weakness, Katsuki can’t just make it stop by telling Izuku not to care. Izuku will keep on caring regardless. So instead Katsuki has to convince Izuku that Katsuki is stronger so Izuku will keep chasing after him. Izuku needs to believe Katsuki is stronger in order to get stronger himself. Katsuki needs Izuku to believe Katsuki can handle himself, that Izuku can trust him, so they can work as a team and compensate for each other’s weaknesses.

Katsuki acknowledges in his apology in chapter 322 that Izuku is on the right path, that all his moves since receiving OFA have been correct. Katsuki has been a roadblock hindering Izuku and holding him back--yes, often by rejecting him and competing maliciously with him, but also by being too weak to stand at Izuku's side. He was caught by the sludge villain, kidnapped by the League of Villains, lethally stabbed and later nearly killed by TomurAFO. He wasn't the strong hero like All Might that fought to win and save the day. He wasn't an equal partner.

What I read when Katsuki says he won't get in Izuku's way anymore is that he's done it, he's strong enough to stand at Izuku's side, he's strong enough to let Izuku do what he does best, he's strong enough to support Izuku as Izuku strives to achieve what only he can achieve. AND I read Katsuki saying "I am no longer that weak person, I am no longer a burden, I am no longer NOT a hero, no longer NOT the hero I needed to be."

"I won't be a weakness others can exploit to get to you anymore."

(And I read that he's ready to let Izuku be the main character.)

[fuckitupfelix]

hai… its me again BUT I HAVE ANOTHER SCENARIO IDEA ALSO IMMSORRY AHOUT MY OTHER ASK AUGHH IT WAS RIGHT IN UR RULES DUDE BUT BUT MY IDEA IS SCENARIO OF WHICHEVER HQ CHARACTER OF UR CHOOSING WITH AN S/O WHO HAS REALLY BAD MUSCLE STRAIN FROM PRACTISING VOLLEYBALL BUT REFUSE TO REST AND GAGAGAGA :3

DONT WORRY ABOUT IT BRO ITS ALL GOOD!!! IM GONNA COOK WITH THIS ONE TO MAKE UP FOR IT 🙏�� actually writing now hope this doesn't turn out bad..

hit it til it breaks...?

iwaizumi hajime x male reader

word count: 1k

iwaizumi's noticed that his boyfriend, seijoh's libero, hasn't been doing his best.

FEM ALIGNED DNI

iwaizumi has seen what pushing yourself past your limits can do to you. he's seen how oikawa always strived to be the best he could, sometimes pushing himself beyond exhaustion. it takes a huge toll on your body, so iwa promised himself he'd take care of himself, and it's not exactly a secret. he pushed everyone to do the same.

so it surprised iwaizumi when he noticed (name) acting different in the past few weeks. they were all very subtle changes; he would buy coffee in the morning more often, was a bit slower with receives, and a little more tired than he usually used to be.

he was pushing himself.

that's what iwaizumi thought initially. he's seen the signs in oikawa enough times to know the aftermath of straining yourself and making your body work overtime. he decides to wait a bit, see if (name) would mention anything by himself. he didn't.

"iwaaaa," (name) called, leaning over iwaizumi's desk. "can i borrow your homework answers?"

iwaizumi raised an eyebrow at that. "you didn't get time finish it last night?" he asked, pulling out the papers. he noticed his boyfriend's hesitation before he took the papers.

"nah, only got through half of it before i went to bed. my mom had me run errands after school. y'know, groceries 'n stuff." (name) said causally. he hunched over iwaizumi's desk to quickly write down the rest of his answers before passing the worksheets back to him. "thanks!"

"yeah, no problem. . . by the way—" but (name) had left before he could ask his question.

later that day, during practice, the team was doing a spiking drill. (name)'s receives were all flawless, but iwaizumi noticed the slight stiffness of his movements. how he grit his teeth for a spike that wasn't particularly hard to get. how his feet left the ground half a second too late. how his breathing grew ragged faster than usual.

'maybe im overthinking things,' and so he shook the thoughts away. he's used to having to deal with oikawa's bullshit. maybe its made him paranoid.

he went to spike, moving fluidly. the ball went a bit of a distance away from (name)'s direction— almost halfway across the court— but he still went for it. that's when it happened.

(name) reached, pushing himself to make contact with the ball, willing himself to. and he did. he sent it up nicely— a beautiful arc straight to the net. but his body had already exhausted itself. it was too much. his face contorted in pain as he felt his leg spasm. his body slammed against the floor, his shoulder connecting with the wood panels in an odd way. his body tumbled over itself like a ragdoll. (name) just laid there.

iwaizumi darted over to (name), eyes blown wide with panic. as gently as he could, he grabbed his shoulders, lifting him up. his grip was still tight.

"(name)? (name), are you okay?" he asked, sweat dripping from his forehead onto (name).

(name)'s eyes opened, face morphing into a frown. "yeah, shit. . . sorry," he mumbled. he tried to push himself to stand, but let out a sharp groan, falling back down to the floor.

the sound of shoes squeaking against the gym floors was faded as (name) and iwaizumi sat together in the club room. (name)'s leg was propped up on one of the chairs.

'how did this happen?'

sure, (name) was pushing himself more than usual, but that was because the inter-high preliminaries were right around the corner! he had to do his best so the team could go to nationals!

"hey." iwaizumi's voice drew (name) out of his thoughts. ". . . why didn't you stop?" he asked.

". . .what?"

"you were pushing yourself too hard, your body couldn't keep up, and now you can barely move your legs. why didn't you take a break?"

(name) tensed up at iwa's words. he frowned. "because i needed to do better. i needed more practice. i need to be better—"

"is this really better to you?" iwaizumi cut him off. (name) flinched at the volume. iwaizumi was pissed. "seriously, tell me. do you think pushing yourself this far helping anyone? we all need practice, but without breaks, you're doing more harm than good!"

"i know that!" (name) snaps. he glared down at the floor. his head was spinning and his legs were throbbing and he could feel his face grow hot, tears brimming in his eyes.

"i know it was stupid, i know i should have paid attention, i'm sorry. i just wanted us to do better! i wanted us to win." (name) managed. god, he knew he sounded pathetic, the way his throat closed up on him, making him sound all whiney. he rubbed the tears away with the back of his hands, his face scrunched up.

iwaizumi wasn't expecting that. he walks over, sitting next to his boyfriend. he wraps an arm around his shoulder, bringing (name) in to rest his head on his chest.

"hey, hey, it's okay," iwaizumi mumbled. he wasn't great at comforting people. he ran his hand along (name)'s back, rubbing circles. "c'mon. can you stand properly? i'm taking you home."

"what? come on, iwa, just give me a minute, i-i can make it for the rest of practice—"

"(name)." iwaizumi said sternly. "what you need is rest. you don't need to overexert your body anymore. and, you're banned from any type of practice until you get better." he adds.

"what?" (name) sputtered. "that's not fair!"

"of course it is, dumbass!" iwaizumi huffed, crossing his arms. "if you try to play volleyball injured, it'll get worse and take longer to heal. seriously. i don't like seeing you hurt," he adds, quieter that time.

a small smile grew on (name)'s face at that. "fine, but only cause i don't want you worrying," he chuckled. he leaned over to plant a small kiss on iwaizumi's cheek.

". . . okay, now help me up? please?"

AAAAJFHHH i hope that was okay (⁠>⁠▂⁠<⁠)!!! it was kind of angsty idk if you wanted that. . . lmk if i need to fix anything!!! requests are still open btw!!

divider by @/plutism !!

[iamfuckingsorry]

i'm sorry but like. i played the game for the first time like a month ago (and it absolutely wrecked me, it was beautiful), and i just can't stop thinking about this and i need to get it out. but like, kim, what the fuck is the deal with kim?

like, he's just such a weird little man with such a weird little collection of character traits, but also he's just so fucking perfect.

like, kim. he spent 15 years being a cop in a department he fucking hated but he just stuck it out. he is so done with teens he basically refuses to speak to them unless he absolutely has to, but he still spent 15 fucking years in that section, refusing to give up. he's proud to be a revacholian and to protect the city now, but did he feel this way when he joined the RCM? or did he join to prove to everyone that even a monkey fucker like him could be revacholian? or did he join because he got kicked out of the orphanage he grew up at and didn't have anywhere else to go? or was there a different reason altogether?

and look at him now. he's presumably one of the best cops in his precint (i'm sure he mentions something about this early on in the game but i honestly can't remember), and one that seems to mostly play fair and genuinely care, which doesn't seem to be that common at all. and he's proud of this and strives to always be professional and calm and collected even if he doesn't always fully manage. he keeps himself in check first and foremost, and seems to try to keep everyone at an arm's length and not engage in personal discussions, even though he will often indulge harry if directly asked.

and so far it all makes sense, right? he's been treated like shit all throughout his life, dealt a fairly shitty hand, an orphan, an immigrant, a homo, possibly visually impaired (has he always needed glasses? was he able to get them as a broke-ass kid with no one to speak on his behalf? or did he grow up never able to see properly, struggling in school because he could never read the board or react in time when people threw shit at him, made fun of by both teachers and classmates?), mocked and ridiculed, and he's had to fight hard to get to where he is now. and he desperately needs to keep it this way, so he works hard and sticks to the rules and keeps his distance from people, and he puts a stop to everyone and everything that people could make fun of (no, harry, you will /not/ call me kimball, you will call me Lt kitsuragi, no, harry, you will /not/ tell anyone about the ice bear fridge, i will /not/ be known as the ice bear cop). but he's also mostly a genuinely nice and compassionate person and he really cares, as long as people are at least trying to do good.

but also…

he basically wears period cosplay to work. like. for real, he clearly wears his fucking pilot jacket so often that having the RCM insignia sewn onto it was the most logical choice. he is so obviously into planes and cars (but he's too blind to be a pilot :), do you think he used to hate himself as a kid not only because he was poor and abandoned by everyone and "an immigrant" but also because not even his own fucking body would let him be what he wanted to be), he has an extremely expensive vehicle that's his, his only, and not even really needed for the stuff he does at work the majority of the time. he clearly had to have a chat with his boss at some point in time and justify this purchase and why the car should be permanently assigned to him and him only, and even if i'm sure he had a bunch of actual reasons you can't convince me that his boss and all of his colleagues weren't all aware that really, he just wanted a fast fucking car and had an excuse to get it. and clearly the higher ups like him enough to indulge him, because surely no one would be actually fooled? why would a crime investigator get it and not, like, the fucking traffic guys chasing drunk drivers and illegal racers every night?

and like, in some ways he fucking owns it, doesn't seem to give a fuck, he's who he is and if people don't like it that's not his problem. but he's also embarassed about listening to that fucking radio station. but he also drives a sports car and wears driving gloves and a pilot jacket, of course he's listen to that fucking radio station. but then he also does newspaper crosswords. like, he seems to put a into maintaining this facade of professionality, but he also really doesn't fucking care when it comes to a lot of the stuff, it's great. except for the extremely random stuff that he does care about and can get extremely flustered about momentarily.

and it feels really out of character in a way. he works so hard on keeping himself in check at all times, representing the RCM in a good light and making sure both him and others get treated with the respect they deserve. he smokes one cigarette a day to keep proving to himself he can keep his vices in check, for fuck's sake. but then it's like he just picked one (1) part of his personality where he just went like, fuck it. Fuck it, I work hard for this shit and I deserve to do what I want sometimes too, and this one fucking thing is innocent enough and safe enough, and I don't give a fuck, I deserve /one fucking thing/ and I'm gonna get it. I'm getting the goddamn jacket and the Kineema and if people have a problem with that, they can go fuck themselves. I /need/ this one thing and I. Am. Getting. It.

(it's clearly a big part of his personality, but do you think there were other massive interests in the past, or maybe there still are others he isn't as open about with? Things he thinks would undermine his career and reputation? Past hobbies he abandoned because if anyone found out, that would be the end of his career at the RCM, even though for anyone else who wasn't a stupid fucking immigrant who can't even see right it would be a funny little detail?)

anyway.

i'm just like. stay the way you are, my weird little man. you're great.

[thoraeth]

Properly kissed | Paladin All Might X OC

words: 600

Tags: pure fluff, Toshi's oath includes chastity, Paladin!All Might, fantasy AU, Oracle OC.

Song inspo: Like real people do - Hozier

A/N: I'll yap into the void if I have to, 'cause this man is the ultimate sweetheart.

The paladin scratched his neck as the sparks from the bonfire reflected in his eyes . “Can I ask you a question? You’re the only one I could tell something like this without feeling like a complete idiot.”

Riva turned her head to face him. “Go ahead.”

“Am I overdoing it?” Toshinori hides his face in his hands. “I’ve been protecting people and serving the Goddess for my whole life. I'm beyond grateful for all that she bestowed upon me but… I feel I'm missing out on so much.” He looks up with a deep sigh. “Why can't I hold your hand or get a hug when I need one? Would such trivial things really make the Goddess angry? Or is it all in my head?”

Riva stood up, snuggling tighter in her wooden cloak. “There's no way of telling what could please or displease a God, Toshi. But I firmly believe faith is about bringing good into this world, rather than starving ourselves for divine approval.”

The oracle was rubbing her bad eye, trying to ease the discomfort of the night shadows clouding her sight. “You want to hold my hand? There you go.” She planted herself in front of the man and reached for his big hand.

The two stood face to face for a moment, smiling affectionately. Riva couldn’t help but think that Toshinori was a man of immaculate beauty: it wasn't just about his big blue eyes, and fair hair… The honesty and purity of his soul were out of this world. He was, indeed, worthy of a Goddess.

“Need a hug? No problem.” She leaned closer and slided her arms around his neck.

Shit. Toshinori knew he should have shoved her away. No touching women, it's the rule. And yet, he remained seated on that log. That night he was feeling so lost…he did need a hug. A couple of minutes couldn't outweigh all he's done so far.

His hands clutched around Riva's cloak and he clinged to her, pushing his forehead against her shoulder. May the Goddess forgive him, she was the softest and prettiest thing he's ever had in his arms.

The paladin indulged himself in the light pecks trailing down his temple, his ear, his cheek and he really, really had no idea how it all happened but he was startled by the feeling of her lips brushing against his.

He didn't even know what he was doing but he just let himself go and kissed her desperately. It was like his bones were turned to wax: every slight movement of her lips, their breathing against each others’ cheeks, everything sent powerful shivers down his spine.

It was all fun and games until Riva's hips were slowly moving under his hands and their kisses grew sloppier and more heated.

Toshi’s face twitched with the familiar feeling in his belly, the dreaded tight sensation between his legs. The Goddess would never forgive that. He pulled away, biting his lower lip.

“Is everything ok?” Riva whispered, tilting her head to read his gaze.

“Y-yes. But I… I can't.”

“I get it. Well, at least we’ve made up for some of the missing out.” She smiled softly and sat back on the log, next to the shaking paladin.

Toshinori ran his fingers through his hair, striving to calm his heart and body. Riva was right: now he could say he's been kissed. Properly kissed! He hid his face away from her and he couldn't stop himself from smiling.

[pixiemage]

I deal with ADHD on a daily basis, meaning I struggle with multiple (frustrating) things. There's one in particular that's been on my mind the most as of late: it's difficult for me to complete large tasks easily. For me, motivation, mental energy, and time are limited, and those rare moments where it all lines up so I can get shit done are often few and far between. This applies to both things I don't want to do, and things I do want to do. Even writing or cosplay construction or editing videos can become daunting tasks even though they're all fun and enjoyable hobbies of mine.

Recently, I've been trying to clean my room.

As anyone in my immediate family can tell you, this has been a big problem since I was young. My room starts clean, but then I put a few pairs of shoes by my bed, then don't have the energy to deal with the growing laundry pile, then can't find a place for the new mic stand I got for my birthday, then I start dumping jewelry on my bedside table at the end of the day when I'm tired, then - then - then. And then it builds to a disastrous tipping point and it has become this massive, incomprehensible task I have to tackle, and because my brain hates me, it's a frustrating and grueling process to even figure out where to begin.

But deadlines help (pressure helps) and I have found that working on it in the wee hours of the morning (from midnight to like 5am) is somehow a way to get my brain to focus on it. For some reason I work better then. Arguably, this isn't logical or useful every day because I need sleep and I have work, but I made MASSIVE progress two days ago by staying up way too late on a night when I finally found the drive to get shit done.

That's not really the point of this post though.

The point is that I've found that a majority of society (or maybe just the NT community in general) have a hard time seeing progress as worthwhile when completion is better.

"Did you finish your room?" "Not yet, but I dealt with that massive pile of crap on my couch! It's SO much better, and I can actually see the floor in front of my dresser now, and-" "That's not what I asked. Did you finish?" "Not yet." "The answer is no, then."

It doesn't matter how much I've done. It doesn't matter how proud I am of my partial progress. It doesn't matter that I fought tooth and nail to get to the point I'm at, because unfortunately, I haven't finished it all yet, so it's not good enough.

(And I know I have a deadline, and I know we have family coming over soon, and I know that being done is the goal, but the deadline isn't here yet. Give me time. I need time.)

I think we as a society need to award and praise ourselves more for the efforts we put in, whether we reached a finish line or not. I'm not saying we shouldn't strive for completion, because at the end of the day that's often the goal of any task. But we should also let ourselves be proud of how far we have come as long as we're doing our best. I don't see that often enough. I continuously struggle to reach that finish line, but hey, I came this far today! I didn't reach Toad so he could tell me my princess was in another castle (because god knows there's always another task), but I did hit that checkpoint, and since I've been struggling through this level for as long as I have, that's still worth celebrating in some small way. It's still worth all the coins I collected and the goons I defeated to get to this point.

Don't reprimand your kids because their hard work thus far doesn't quite live up to your standards. Applaud what they've done and then help them find the right next step so they're motivated to keep going.

It takes a lot of work to save a princess. The journey has a lot more monsters than just the dragon.

[lesfir]

Hi! I’m a big fan of Astarion’s character as a whole (Spawn and Ascended) but I don’t really feel comfortable talking about him in a lot of places because of… you know 🫤 but I was wondering if you had any headcanons on his background before vampirism? Theres a few things I’ve seen that kind of imply maybe he wasn’t always a noble, like the ratcatcher line, or his unmaintained grave in a public cemetery, or that he’s really ambitious and strives to not be nothing/a nobody. Or even the fact that he’s a charlatan/rogue. I like to think that his drive for power and wealth comes from him being lower class at one point and he climbed the ladder on his own, that’s why he’s even more bent on having it again. Idk I could go on but I was curious what u think

Hello, thank you for your question! I have poor English, but I will try my best.

> whole (Spawn and Ascended) but I don’t really feel comfortable talking about him in a lot of places because of… you know I know, still this, gross. Poppsychology hysteria is very high. Evil Win is something that is not possible according to Anti. Pure Health or Abuse Tragedy. Although "I can heal\fix someone (narcissistic, immoral, traumatized manipulator) with the power of love, kindness, questionable therapy skills, "I'm proud" leads to the last one if you're so zealous in your health-psychology research. That "I love to hate it"-moment, bully instinct, whatever the means and methods. I'm sure if AA was breathing, Anti would find shit to throw. Absolutely destructive poisonous behavior.

Well, it's a shame this is happening to the fandoms, I hope it goes away in the next five years. The golden recommendation of fandom that I've heard - if you feel shame, discomfort for what you like - you close the door and leave the place, for your own calm and enjoyable time. When things like this happen to a fandom there's clearly something wrong with it, although that's a problem with many fandoms right now, it doesn't negate that it's wrong. All right, enough about that.

You are fortunate to enjoy two.

> but I was wondering if you had any headcanons on his background before vampirism? One of the biggest assholes of Baldur's Gate is my head for "Astarion before Cazador". I think it's a constant. > few things I’ve seen that kind of imply maybe he wasn’t always a noble There are no objective hints for me in the game for that. I can assume that option, but most of my thoughts are that he was always noble. There is one thing about Idle champions, more on that later.

>ratcatcher line No-no. Because that's the line for Original Astarion when he's already become Lord. It's a reference to his slavery to Cazador. That he was forced to eat rats. Not to his mortal life.

I'll add here too, that he was wealthy, with power, and he remembers that. But we're talking before even that and "was it always so?", this angle will also be detailed below.

>his unmaintained grave in a public cemetery He died 200 years ago, so... Maybe he didn't even have people close to him. It could indicate that he didn't have one in his mortal life who would have grieved his death for a long time. Either that someone is lazy or doesn't like cemeteries. I wish we knew more about it, but we have what we have.

>or that he’s really ambitious and strives to not be nothing/a nobody I thought he had ambitions. He is not without ambition. However, I now think his theme is one of pleasure, hedonism. Power and high status is a tool in his hands to live and flourish. The desire for power comes from the very beginning if you refer to the artbook. He wanted more. But why? And for what? So far I see it that he realised it was a power is fun, useful sickle, especially in the field of law, ruling, and without it, well… the chances of dying and not enjoying harvest that world has to offer are higher. I'm sure he was arrogant, proud of everything he had, influence, wealth, including his beauty and his voice. He liked it when his voice sounded loud in the hall. He sure liked being someone important. This was intensified when he became a slave, especially as he was emphasised all the time how small he was. It's a huge wound of the loss of everything.

>Or even the fact that he’s a charlatan/rogue Stephen Rooney loves the rogues in DnD. He said in one interview but I'll drag out the answer even more if I search :,,,,,) That in my opinion is the main reason, he liked writing a trickster. He was needed in the story. Knaves often don't have high status. They want it have by stealth. Being noble for archetype rogue is a pretty fresh concept. Also Noble may not be so important and there is something to aspire to, more, grander.

Charlatan's juicy moment in DnD 5, on which BG3 was written.

Charlatan Bonds «I come from a noble family, and one day I’ll reclaim my lands and title from those who stole them from me».

D&D 5e Player's Handbook Part 1 | Personality and Background 128 p. Charlatan

Now for more details about my point of view. A lot, I got inspired to write so here we go.

It's hard to speculate on Astarion's backstory if you start relying on canon, which I usually prefer to do. ***

And canon was…

The entire first act, some scenes are cut (3-4), others in shortened to 1-2 phrases as the dialogue with animation is removed, but it remains, as well as the approvals and phrases "chicky little pup", all written with the ideas that Astarion was:

Greedy for power, hunger for eternal life, corrupted elite from the Upper City. Who sold the criminals, gurs (they're "savages" in Faerun) to vampires as food, and then sold them into slavery.

Why… It's been so little revealed. Who took away a whole detailed story about how this horrible man became a slave (not perfect either, Cazador suffered for 200 years) and then became a sunshine Lord with the help of my corrupted Tav.

As far as I know, no one could force the developers talk about the main ideas about the story, writing it in an artbook, selling the artbook in a physical edition until now, plot which they might have thought to change all or part, and to give an interview to VICE and YouTube channel (in which he repeats wording from the interview). „A disgraced nobleman who used his position as a local magistrate to serve a vampire clan by feeding them prisoners, he was eventually too corrupt even for them and was effectively sent to serve as the personal slave of a powerful vampire”

Baldur's Gate 3 Features You Didn’t See In The Demo 14:12 „Vampires made him their spawn after catching him selling criminals into slavery when he was a magister. His punishment has lasted hundreds of years and Swen cryptically refers to something written on his back that when you finally see it, you'll be, and I quote, "oh f**k!” I wrote more about it here. It was a hook for the players. Which has now become a reason not to trust Larian at all. In my opinion it was decided to leave unrevealed in order to make the product more mass-market or Larian's team didn't have enough time.  

Larian also couldn't decide which character was Astarion. - Noble - EA - Courtesan - EA-time Charcter Sheet - Charlatan - Release

Or does it combine everything together? Courtesan is no-no for me, very. Could this be a reference to his slavery when he seduced people? When thinking of courtesans, it is rather presented as a forced choice: either poverty or this. Or fully a choice. For example, Cherie 2009. Where courtesans did make a lot of profit themselves, money not only to survive, but to live very luxuriously. In Astarion's case, it was simply slavery, of any kind or manner. Well, about the victims he could have knocked them out in a dark alley, or holding a knife to their ribs and brought them in. The explanation that Cazador made it such a torture for him to have sex doesn't convince me much. + Using Cazador to explain everything is meme, no plot, lacks complexity and the player's personal assumptions, impressions and experiences (grounded in the knowledge of psychology especially) don't add to it to the actual game. Music and acting unfortunately too. Weak scripts and cut content affects. So the "courtesan" as a reference to his slavery seems to me kind of wonky. If this was before Cazador, meh. There's a movie called "Dangerous Beauty", 1998. I don't remember it well, but I remember the woman had a choice of work, convent or Courtesan due to poverty. Did he really not want to work so badly? :,) Or was he really that poor and was lucky enough to get into a prestigious brothel, and further up the hierarchical ladder, because of need. (no, I don't like it) I don't think Astarion was forced to do that and he was so poor. I think it might have been a way to gain power. He could have just been from an impoverished noble family (so he didn't know how to work and hated it) and decided that the way of his beauty is more efficient. He got money and influence and became a magistrate. I don't like the idea still.

I can live with the word if it is used with the historical context of the Middle Ages.

Given how entrenched the word has become in the modern day, I don't think it could have been with this context.   But by the way fits perfectly with noble, charlatan and magistrate.

"In European feudal society, the court was the centre of government as well as the residence of the monarch, and social and political life were often completely mixed together. Prior to the Renaissance, courtesans served to convey information to visiting dignitaries, when servants could not be trusted".

(oh and the point that he doesn't trust anyone, he's seen how much betrayal there is in high society. In this case, Astarion could also seek influence through seduction, but it was his desire and no longer even out of need or habit. It could even be one of libertine entertainment, that's still profitable)

I will always prefer noble or charlatan. Charlatan fits, including on DnD.

Idle champions of the forgotten realms.

Among the items Astarion has are "Forged Potents of Nobility". But also the portrait of the Cazador, the Vampire Rapier. It could be an Easter egg out of context with other items, hint that he wasn't noble right away. He could, as Magistrate, engage in paper forgery and sell. And, wasn't Astarion hunting in the Upper City, maybe he had to have noble documents to get into some places. But since he was outside the law of mortals, like a vanishing shadow, he had forged papers. Yes, while I was writing this Astarion noble became canon again.

The Dungeons & Dragons 50th Anniversary Superdrop Post here It was an ad somewhere on instagram. You can see the ‘sound’ icon at the bottom, identical to Instagram. I tried to find it on the official dnd instagrams, but no results. Need THIS ALL very much. He was probably changed to charlatan because he has no status at the moment. Although for games, the archetype ‘noble’ is still connected to the attitude towards the world around you. ‘I'm better,’ striving for luxury, squeamishness, arrogance. So he behaved like that, but now he doesn't have that status and power - so the game decided to more correctly call him a charlatan who had his nobility taken away from him, like in the DnD5 book. Also he acted like a charlatan (most likely) when he was with the magistrate, so that point fits as well. Let's clap for Astarion, who is noble again. 💅✨👑 Clap harder because he do nothing for it, at all.

His age has also been changed several times, which is still a mistake in the game script and on the gravestone. In my humble opinion. - 350 - Death at 150 (Idle champions of the forgotten realms, first time) - 239 - Death at 39 (229 - 268 DR) (game BG3) - 263 - Death at 63 (Idle champions of the forgotten realms, after change) I'm no DnD expert so you're reading what I found and checked while I was writing, hopefully it will be ok here. Speaking of consciousness Being in the society of other races that live, grow up and die faster, elves adapt to this life and are already considered adults. There was a good example to explain: it's like a rather infantile 18 year person who already understands everything. Has rights and obligations before the law, if they live in a society other than elves they a full-fledged adult member of society. But emotionally tends to be more naively, maximalism, impulsively, intense.

After turning into a vampire, he didn't age, that's the point. How Cazador cut his back, his skin unrecovered? Probably the holy water, spell. How old is the half elf Shadowheart? About 40, she looks 25 - half elves age faster than higher elves. Astarion is a high elf how could he age faster than Shadowheart at 39 years - no way. Halsin is 350, he's a wood elf, but in DnD5, high elves and wood elves don't have such of the aging body difference. He looks older than Astarion by I don't know, like 10 years? When do High Elves get their first wrinkles? (sorry Astarion) Alright, in Larian's homebrew in BG3? Considering Shadowheart, Halsin and lil wrinkles Astarion, Idle champions was right here about 150 for a high elf, but 63 can be tolerated. *** So we have an extremely large space for headcanons about his backstory.

There's an option headcanon his backstory as a funny goofy hedonist. Possibly who could do evil things to the poor, vagabonds, “barbarians”. In canon we have one moment in Act 1 where Astarion tells his story with the Gurs. “They didn't like the decision I made” - 99% of the time that decision was unfair. I'm sure he was prejudiced before the attack. I don't think he tried to judge fairly, justly and mercifully those he considered ‘trouble makers’ and ‘barbarians’.

Also we have space for headcanons of how evil he was. (I think though he was a goofy hedonist at any way). Given the latest news with noble, I think he's been one since birth. Well, I'll keep the part where I little speculate about how he could have been non-noble, at the very beginning. And little about how writing his attitude towards the world (very noble).

I definitely had thoughts that he tried really hard to be on top because he was poor once. Though he likes skillful thieves, he has quite a bit of disdain for the poor, vagabonds, wretched, plebs etc. This incidentally reveals his status-issue, he became in that low status he hated. I'll give a few examples that can be shown glimpse hints of his past as a magistrate. Astarion: I've watched urchins freeze to death on the street. It looks peaceful - just like falling asleep.

The concept that he was “urchins” too, and hated it - possible, wanted nothing to do with this position, becoming noble he completely separated himself from this world. But no, I don't think so, I'm not close to that idea. I feel the mood that he was always noble, how mutch rich and influential? - is already that moment where I'm considering different options. Yenna approaches the camp to ask if they can stay.

Astarion: Absolutely not. We've hit our quota for mangy strays.

Minthara and Laezel react in a similar mood. Astarion, though, emphasises some aspect of poverty. Mangy stray. These are just few examples, there are more, approvals, hints.

There's also a scene about “Justice”. Which in my opinion is a hook to his past and the idea of his character, story. Narrator: A true champion knows justice and eliminates those who stand in its way. Restore the balance of justice. Wyll: Justice. No pardon without repentance, and no penalty without mercy. Wyll: The right path often lies between the extremes. Astarion: Mercy? Please - justice should be a harsh lesson. All the better to deter the next vagabond.

Player: I'm with Astarion here. Off with every criminal's head, I say. Wyll: If such violence is truly justice, then let it never again be called a virtue. ___ I think Stephen Rooney had a hand in this scene. This theme of violence, justice, about the dark side of humanity. Harshness can bring justice. It can become violence. Can become so corrupted and vicious that it ceases to be justice. (or has it always been a side that's always been kept quiet...) Can be in balance. Astarion hardly shares Wyll's point of view. Not to mention his history with vagabonds. The thing is... No one would care about mercy if a rabble of vagrants attacked your home. Wouldn't you regret trying to keep things in balance? The crowd doesn't care who was an honest man and who wasn't - everyone is a target. In that time and place (the Middle Ages) Astarion has a point.

Wyll literally said right, good things. Astarion: Mercy? Please~ It is XD yeah.

Astarion has the freakiest moral scales, always. In reality, he cares little about justice. He has an opinion about it. But it will still be "good, as long as it doesn't hurt me". If justice points its sword at him, he'll turn things around so it doesn't have to be that way. Will be proud if it's successful. He's not a wise character, even if he has a point in his story where the gray morality. I paid a little attention to it here. It's amazing how his character brings fun to the dark side, luring down the path of vice. Astarion has a picture of the world according to “evil” in DnD, “the strong survive, the weak die”, this picture is similar to Laezel and Minthara. But Astarion has no ideas or what he serves - his desires are the guideline. One thing is clear to me - he likes to live a pleasurable life, he will protect it and keep it in any way he can.

I'm also thinking… Astarion can ridicule and flips any reasoning about morality, principles, rightness, he doesn't really care, the main thing is to achieve whatever he wants. That's what he did when he was a magistrate.

So I'm closer to the idea that he was the golden boy.

Speaking of the Magistrate. One - something made him choose a good career about money and power. Perhaps something unpleasant, tragic. Two - variant he just realized by watching society that this is what you should strive. Reason was very petty, like he felt gOLd embroidered gloves were worth quite a lot. He didn't like the thought of counting gold. And his personality. It's useful and fun. Wearing poor or even average clothes and not eating delicious food - sucks. Three is a combination Lately we have been looking for reasons in the actions of the villain, psychological, subtle reasons - it was not bad, as long as it comes to the point that the more reasons the less he is a villain and just a “victim of circumstances”, it is already a tired concept for me. It's much more interesting when the reasons are there, but there is a distinct decision by the individual, where he clearly understands what and how would be right, but chooses wrongly. Astarion chooses the immoral path, he prefers it that way.

Why the Magistrate and not, shall we say, a merchant, a shipbuilder. Because the magistrate can tax everyone. To neatly circumvent the law, you have to know perfectly well how it works. :D Interesting, he loves Baldur's Gate, he's fascinated that this city is so great, a city of opportunity, he said. When he becomes Lord, he wants to rule it, or rather will do so again, in a higher status, a tiny pause of 200 years. He loves the heartbeat of this city.

There are other options, but here's how Astarion sees the city, a heart to bite into. Hot. In talking to the dead "that he was going to do as Lord" - rule and be free. Dead men don't lie. He wants to rule.

Could this be a reference to raw ambition and a desire to rule that he's had in the past? Probably. However, he said that there are many other cities in the world, perhaps this is a trick for Wyll.

But he could really easily leave the city with Tav\DU. So even ruling the city isn't his main idea. It's enjoyable, but there are other fun things too. The idea was to turn into a bat, evidently. And do:

Success. One more a constant thought: The choice to become a Magistrate was his willful decision. Astarion was looking for more power and a place at the ruler of the city. Only later did he find out it was boring quite a bit XD But the perspective of the place and what it gave and could give was very pleasing to him.

Speaking of family. For the full picture, it's worth looking at something I haven't done yet - how the High Elves settle into cities where races that live faster, and what that means for the elf family. There are options: either he had a family or barely had one. There are several other branches from that, the family's attitude towards him, what happened to them.

• If there was a family

A respectable family, who easily got everything he wanted. Probably started demanding too much. (Mommy may I?) I headcanon that his family may have been impoverished because of their honesty and lack of ambition. But not much, they still had status. Yet Astarion was affected, “money can run out, it's amazing”. It may have sparked his interest in power.

��� Astarion was adored by his parents.

He was cared for and protected. Perhaps nurturing in him an attitude towards other people, especially the poor "I'm better, my family is better, others don't matter". By guarding him, they could say: "Don't think of running outside the upper city, it's all muck". With a family like that not caring for the grave, I can explain it this way: - His parents was killed before he died. Maybe criminals, maybe a fire. He was left alone. - His parents died after he died. - His parents were so heartbroken that they left Baldur's Gate forever

☆ The other option is his parents didn't really care.

There are so many ways in which that could be. I prefer that they were nobles who disappeared at balls, loved their son, but did not know how to care and teach him, all this was done by servants and his friends such as children of noble. Here heartbreak works too and leaving town. They thought they had plenty of time...

○ If Astarion had no family.

Astarion still had status and probably a guardian who almost didn't raise Astarion. Astarion had his looks, money, and the society of the golden youth. (Corrupt nobility). I pay less attention to this option, but I like it just as much. It's a simple option, but that's the point. As in the case of the family that didn't care, Astarion raised himself, among children who had everything.

Speaking of personality. I also believe that Astarion has an inner desire to reach for "debauchery and darkness". Which is consistent with the idea – dark&fun. It's his core to be himself. As an example, he would steal when he had a lot of money, just for fun to cheat some clunky merchant and watch him red-faced. quite the rogue He was very mischievous. As he got older, his mischief became... well decadence level.

I think I've written a lot.

That's not all I think about this. But it's almost all I've found words for at the moment. The important thing is that my thoughts may change in some details. Especially since we're going to have a new artbook and what will Larian write in it? That could affect it, too. I've outlined the constants and the things I like about this story.

Thank you for your attention All the best.

[izunx]

Hii! Can you do a Luck fanfiction where he finds the reader crying? The reader is always cheerful and happy, but is secretly depressed. So he was surprised to see them like this.

LUCK with a depressed s/o

. In which luck finds his precious significant other crying. . warnings: depression.

✧.* luck x gn reader

Luck doesn't know where you are, which is rare. Usually by any moment right now you'd be in the black bulls lounge area chirping away at whatever antics you've been up to. But now that he thinks of it, it’s been ages since he’s last actually seen you functioning properly.

He feels funny. That feeling you get where you know just something isn't right and he hates it. He hates feeling this way especially when it's about YOU.

You were always one of the brighter ones of the squad, uplifting people when they were feeling down and discouraged. Now that he thinks of it, he doesn't think he's ever seen you get comforted but at the same time he's never seen you upset.

Is it possible for a person like you to even get upset?

The sobs he was hearing proved him otherwise though. As he walked past the hallways, he heard you. The hallways were dim but through the crack of the slightly open door he could see the bright lights shining through.

Much to his dismay, there you were sprawled out on your bed without a care in the world crying with a tub of sweets by your side.

"I don't have the energy for this Luck!" You threw one of the plushies HE got for you at him. He catches it and just looks at you in confusion. Is this real?

Because what he was seeing on your bed just couldn't be you right? Distressed and letting down all your guard, ultimately showing your tear stained face and horror blood shot eyes. It didn't just stop there either; you were gripping onto the sheets and suffocating your sobs into the pillow.

The state of your room wasn’t any better. It looked as if someone mistaken it as a rage room, it was abhorrent to say the least.

"Y/N, what's wrong?"

You simply gave him a weak frown, "Not that you’d care."

To that he just frowns. Why would you doubt him like that?

"If I didn’t care I’d be a shit boyfriend." He sat down on your bed, encouraging you to begin on letting your feelings out. But you were stubborn.

"Just why would I do that? No one takes me seriously anyways" despite saying that, you sunk your head into his shoulder, grabbing onto his shoulder. "Where did I go wrong in life, Luck?"

The grab on his shoulder became more intense; you were biting your lips harshly and hid your eyes away.

"Everyone else got so lucky with their parents! I’ve grown up miserable with them."

Luck thinks back on it, you’ve never mentioned your parents before. But he doesn’t say anything. He needs to let your feelings out first.

"Not once since I’ve come here have I received a letter from them- after ruining my life they can’t even say sorry now that I’ve done what they’ve wanted and become a magic knight?" Now you’re a mess.

Your hair was sticking onto your face and you had salty tears streaming down your pretty face, staining it.

And Luck just hugged you. Held you close and comforted you whispering sweet nothings into your ear reassuring you.

"Everyone thinks I’m incapable of being sad but God you haven’t seen the worst!" You try and get out of his grasp, still hurt from your past.

"I won’t be taken advantage of again-"

"That’s enough Y/N." Luck held your arms and looked straight into your eyes.

"Every single member in this squad appreciates you more than you think, they adore you. They admire your will to strive and encourage other people and God do I love your stubbornness in our fights. I love everything about you."

You gawked at your boyfriend. He wasn’t done though.

"and lord do I love your smile so don’t let it be sullen with your past because now in the present you’re loved a lot." He gave you one of his smirks and it just made you cry even more.

Not so much sad tears but definitely you felt just a little bit happier.

Luck wasn’t so fortunate himself and he too was on his last straw but being able to fight people stronger than him and have you by his side was enough. He hoped it could be the same for you.

"I just always feel like this Luck and I just don’t know how I’ve managed to fight like this" He again took you in his arms and took in everything.

He understood you were depressed, unhappy with how you yourself was and he heard you out. Sat there the whole night taking in what you were saying.

It’s true at times you weren’t faking that smile, you enjoyed the moments with your boyfriend a lot. You kept all his little trinkets and treasured them.

You were snug holding onto the plushie he bought you on your first date in the city. It was unreal to you. You were loved and you thought it was just surreal. You held the thought close to you and you’ve grown to appreciate that fierce boyfriend of yours.

You can get used to this. Letting your feelings out wasn’t so bad after all. And although it would take time to heal, you knew Luck would always be with you through thick and thin.

[thankeywa]

Can i request a FILTHY SMUTY IMAGINE. that lo'ak has a wet dream of kiris best friend.that he hates.. 😔and then he has to deal with the results (bôñér) then later he like kisses us then that leads to filthy smut. 🧍🏻‍♀️

Cruel to be kind | Lo'ak x fem!Na'vi!reader (Smut)

Summary: request (above), enemies to lovers, a lil angst, NSFW, p in v, oral (reader receiving), Lo'ak and f! Omatikaya! reader are AGED UP (20+)

minors DNI with this or anything on my blog.

A.N: oof anon, this request got me bad, also the way you wrote boner is funny as hell. Going to try something new and write 'you' instead of 'y/n' for this. Also the fact that Lo'ak kisses both of us, I love that for us. I hope you enjoy 😉😘

word count: 4.2k

Lo'ak hated you. No, seriously. He quite literally couldn't stand the sight of you.

Kiri just had to choose you as her best friend for some reason, and you'd always been hanging around his family since you were little. Even though the years had passed, and you were no longer that annoying little girl who teamed up with his sister to bother him, you still found other ways to infuriate him.

Your constant strive to know more about humans, for example. Lo'ak could see right through your phoney attempts to pretend to be interested in Kiri's origins, no matter how often he caught you listening to her mother's music or learning how to read English through her 'books'. It was all a farçe and he knew it.

Your looks were another thing. Every single male his age couldn't help but fawn over you, and he just didn't get it. Honestly, it was hard to even look at you most of the time. Especially into your eyes. The mere idea made his stomach flip. One night, Neteyam had even briefly mentioned how 'beautiful' you'd become, and Lo'ak had almost torn his head off. How could his brother actually be so stupid? It had been completely lost on him that Neteyam was simply trying to make his brother realise he actually had a crush on you, and that's where all of his pent up anger was coming from.

It wasn't a secret that Lo'ak didn't like you, not even to you. Yet you still tried to be nice to him all the damn time. You were such a fake, it was unbelievable.

One night Lo'ak wanted to be alone, but on his way to one of his usual hiding spots he ran into you and someone who could have only been... courting you.

"Kaltxì, Lo'ak!" You waved at him sweetly while holding the guy's hand. It made Lo'ak sick. You made him sick.

"Bite me, [ ]." Lo'ak answered rudely, not stopping to engage in any further conversation.

You weren't really taken back by his hostility, but as always the hurt showed in your face. Sealtiel, your date, wasn't at all impressed with Lo'ak's behavior. "How dare you talk to her that way, you five fingered freak?"

Rage boiled up inside of you even before Lo'ak had a chance to react. You pulled yourself away from Sealtiel's hold on your hand and gave him a piece of your mind. Lo'ak imagined you were more intent on defending Kiri than him, since she had human features too, but he still felt like shit for being rude to you in front of someone else at that moment.

You stormed off, and after a few seconds of contemplation, Lo'ak tried to follow after you. But you stopped him in his tracks. "I don't need anymore of your crap right now, okay Lo'ak?" You snapped at him, turning around to face him.

"No, it's just--- I wanted to—" Lo'ak stammered. It had never happened to him before. Maybe only once, when he was 12, and he'd alone out in the forest, reciting all the ways he could think of to ask you a girl he liked out. Just for practice. It wasn't like he'd gone out to pick flowers, or anything.

"What? Make another cruel joke? Wait for someone else to come by so you can humiliate me in front of them? I don't know what I ever did, for you to hate me so much, but I'm done trying to understand." You hissed at him. "Stay. Away from me."

Fine, Lo'ak thought, as he watched you walk away from him. He had nothing to apologise for anyway. It wasn't his fault he couldn't be obsessed with you like everyone else seemed to be. Lo'ak had already been keeping clear of you, you were the one who always seemed to want to talk.

"Yeah? Well maybe you should take your own advice, then!" He yelled back at you, his voice cracking. You were already gone.

That night he couldn't sleep. It was just another thing about you. On those days that you really irked him, he just couldn't relax. Lo'ak would toss and turn for hours on end, rethinking all the things he could have said and done instead. Until finally exhaustion would take over in the early hours before the end of the eclipse.

...💫...

Lo'ak was making his way through the forest, longing for a soak and some well deserved time alone in the small stream just past the waterfalls. He'd gone out at night as usual, so none of his annoying siblings would follow him.

Soon enough he could hear the stream, and finally he came upon the small pond of clear water where he usually went to clear his head. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw someone had already had the same idea as him. Before the other Na'vi could notice him, Lo'ak panicked and hid behind a tree.

But then he made the fatal mistake of peeking around the corner to see who it was and was caught by them immediately.

"I know you're there, Lo'ak." Your voice called out to him, followed by a soft giggle. Lo'ak felt himself grow hot all over from the embarrassment, screwing his eyes shut and drawing his ears down as he desperately hoped for the ground to swallow him whole.

The last person he wanted to see at that moment was you. Especially underneath those circumstances.

When he dared to open his eyes again, he was staring right at you. Your body was wet and glistening in the darkness, and you were shivering lightly from the cool air of the night on your skin. Lo'ak could see all of you, or the best approximation of what his mind could come up with of your features, and he was completely frozen in place y the sight of them. "I was— I didn't know that you were..." He breathed out with some difficulty, doing his best to keep his eyes trained on your face.

"It's getting a little cold now..." You murmured, cozying up to him. "Come warm me up a little?"

Lo'ak was a goner as soon as he heard you say those words. The second he nodded and leaned into you to catch your lips with his own, your hands were on his waist and making quick work of ridding him of his loincloth.

All the desperation Lo'ak felt down to the very core of his being, made the scene in his mind escalate pretty quickly. The Na'vi pulled you close, finally able to let his hands roam your body as he pleased, and trapped you between himself and the tree he'd been hiding behind only a few moments earlier.

"Lo'ak, I need you, please..." You almost sobbed as he ran his fingers between your slick folds just to feel how ready you were for him there. Lo'ak took a moment to appreciate your arched back and spread legs as you presented to him, before taking his stance behind you. "This why you mess with my head all the time?" He whispered in a low voice as he began to pound into your warmth, but you could only answer with broken moans as you feebly tried to meet his thrusts. "You just wanted me to pay you a little attention, uh?"

He gave your tail a harsh tug when you didn't answer right away.

"Y-yes! Hh-hhn, w-wanted... you... t-to..." Your answer got lost in a babble of incoherent mewls and wails.

The night began to twist itself in a fever dream of Lo'ak body entangled with yours in different scenarios that came and went in his mind. If at first he was staking his claim on you at a punishing pace until the roughness of the tree bark began to cut into your skin, the next moment the two of you were by the stream and you were riding his cock like your life depended on it.

"See this?" You asked him sweetly as you gestured towards yourself. Lo'ak watched you run your fingers over your breasts (which were now covered in all sorts of marks left by him), down your stomach to your thighs, and finally back up to your core that was currently clamping down on his shaft. "You'll never have any of it..."

Those words startled him.

"And you'll—never—have—me, Lo'ak Sully." You punctuated each segment of that scathing sentence with a roll of your hips. Your words cut Lo'ak deeper than he'd ever been, all the while the sight and feel of your body on top of him kept knocking the air out of his lungs.

Lo'ak listened to you cry out from the pleasure of the two of you reaching your peak at the same time, meanwhile, a feeling of dread began to settle over him. You languidly let yourself rest across his chest, leaning down to leave a trail of soft kisses across his face that he was now desperately trying to commit to memory. "Don't... don't go..." Lo'ak mumbled, wanting to hold on to you for as long as he could.

But you were already fading from him. "Why should I stay? You hate me, remember?"

...💫...

Your voice was far away from him now. Instead, all the hateful things he'd said to you and about you during the years began to ring louder and louder in his mind, until finally, he woke up with a start.

"...I'm sorry." Lo'ak heard himself saying, as he woke up drenched in sweat, all the while sporting the most uncomfortable erection he'd possibly woken up with in recent memory. Thankfully he'd spent the night in one of the hiding places the Sullys had built for themselves across the years away from the rest of the clan. He had no reason to think anyone else would be coming by there so early in the morning, so Lo'ak saw no harm in taking care of himself then and there.

If anyone else were to climb up the treehouse, Lo'ak was sure he'd be able to hear their movements in time to cover himself up. There was little risk involved, and he certainly couldn't walk back home sporting a boner.

Little did he know, you were still trudging through the forest, your thoughts once again plagued by his hurtful behaviour. You'd always liked Lo'ak, despite your better judgement. He'd always been abundantly clear about not wanting you around, yet your heart seemed to have a hard time accepting that. Recently, you'd thought that maybe it was time for you to start courting and be courted. To know what it really felt to be cared for the same way you'd cared for the younger Sully brother.

But that night you'd realised, your heart had been completely wasted on him and there was nothing you could do about it.

Suddenly, your acute hearing picked up some ragged breathing coming from way up in the trees, and you were snapped out of your reverie. It was one of your people, and they sounded like they were hurt. You couldn't ignore it, especially since nobody should have been that far away from Home Tree after the eclipse.

Pushing your sadness to the side, to quickly climbed up the tree where you could hear the pained moans coming from. The closer you got to the top, you began to recognise the voice as Lo'ak's. Of course he'd gotten himself in trouble at that time of night. The adrenaline rushing through you made you perform a couple more reckless jumps until you finally found yourself outside of a hut built in the middle of the branches.

You rushed inside, worry written all over your tear stained face. "Lo'ak! Are you —"

The scene you were met with was a far cry from anything you'd been imagining until that point. Your eyes were perfectly capable of seeing in the dark, and there was no mistaking what was happening. Lo'ak's five fingered hand was wrapped around his... his... well, you knew what it was called, you'd just never seen one before...

The shameless act brought colour and heat to your face. Lo'ak had looked completely feral in that moment, and now the cries you'd been hearing took on a whole different meaning. The second he saw you, his pupils widened almost comically, and he quickly attempted to cover his arousal back underneath his loincloth, but the hard outline of it was still there, completely unaffected by your sudden appearance.

"[ ]" Lo'ak called your name as you began to turn your heal and run away from what you'd just seen. You couldn't deal with the way the sight of him naked and pleasuring himself made you feel, not after the way he'd treated you a couple hours prior.

You were about to jump down from and incredibly tall branch without even checking your landing, when a pair of strong arms wrapped around your middle to keep you from doing something utterly stupid. "Just what do you think you're doing?" It would have sounded like his usual rude self, if it wasn't for the soft tone and the clear concern in his voice.

"N-none of your business..." You struggled against him weakly. "Let me go, Lo'ak..." Lo'ak didn't even have that good of a hold on you, he was trying his best to keep his excitement angled away from you. You looked mortified, and he felt beyond ashamed that he'd been touching himself while thinking of you, when clearly you despised him. And with good reason.

"Forgive me, [ ]. Please forgive me." Lo'ak begged you. The words sounded so foreign coming from him. He didn't even apologise to his family most of the time. "I... never meant for you to see..."

Your ears lowered in understanding. Lo'ak wasn't apologising for his behaviour, just for the dishevelled state he'd put you in now. "It's fine..." You breathed out, relaxing a little bit in his hold. "I just... I thought you were hurt..."

Lo'ak couldn't deny the sincerity of your words, nor would he ever forget how worried you'd looked as you'd barged into his tent. He didn't deserve any of your care and attention, yet you kept giving it to him despite his brutish behaviour.

"You were crying..." He blurted out suddenly, seeing the tear streaks on your face and the redness in your eyes now that you were so close. Lo'ak thought back to the way the two of you had parted ways. Only he could come to the realisation he had feelings for someone just after bringing them to tears. "I... I made you cry..."

You didn't want to answer Lo'ak, and suddenly the need to get away from him became much stronger. It was humiliting, and you knew he'd realise soon how badly you had it for him. "Lo'ak... please... " You didn't know if you were asking for. To be let go? To somehow have this pain taken away from you?

Lo'ak didn't let you go however, and he decided he wouldn't, not until you calmed down. His hold wasn't forceful, you could have pulled away from him if you really wanted to. Instead, he was holding you like you were the most precious thing to him in the world. His hands began to caress your skin gently, all the while he was crooning soft apologies to you. It made you melt against him almost too easily, clinging to him while your breathing began to settle down.

To the back of your mind, a nagging thought began to grow. "Is... is this your way of playing a prank on me?" You asked, your words breaking Lo'ak's heart. Finally, he'd found away to be with you without reflecting the negativity inside of him onto you, but of course you didn't trust him.

Lo'ak was the one trying to fight back tears now. He looked angry, distraught even, as his face twisted into a side of him you'd never seen before. "Of course you'd think that..." He said, taking a step back from you. "What have I ever shown you if not hatred over the years...? I'm so much of a loser and a fuck up, why wouldn't you think I'd try to trick you when you're this vulnerable?"

"Lo'ak —" You tried to stop him from being self-deprecating, which hurt you more than anything.

"But what choice did I have?" He snapped back, his voice filled with grief. "You were always off with Kiri or Neteyam when we were kids. And that was fine, I could never live up to my siblings anyway. But then... everyone in the clan started to understand... how goddamm perfect you are... and I knew, I would never be enough for you... I would have brought you nothing but shame... so, so I had to shut you out. I had to make you understand how big of a disappointment I really am to everyone around me..." Lo'ak took a glance at his demon hands, a constant reminder of how sick his longing for [ ] truly was. Someone like him was meant to end up alone.

Lo'ak's words almost broke you. The realisation he longed for you just as much as you did, was unfortunately overtaken by the pain you felt for him. You didn't want him to believe these things he'd clearly been telling himself for years. Those thoughts of his had kept him away from you for too long.

You threw your arms around his neck, holding him so tight you would have cut his circulation off if he wasn't much stronger than you. "You... complete and... utter skxawng..." you reprimanded him. "I never want to hear you say those things about yourself again. What you are, Lo'ak Sully, is a moron, nothing more." Lo'ak gave you a little grin through his tears. "Because I have always been yours... and you never saw it."

Hearing those words leave your lips almost made Lo'ak's knees give out from under him. Afraid it was all just a dream, a sudden need to feel you and brand his touch onto you overcame him.

Lo'ak ran his nose against your cheek a little before capturing your lips into a searing kiss. You arched into him, letting out a soft mewl at the heated contact you'd never experienced before. It didn't take long for the two of you to retreat back into Lo'ak's hideout, and only then did he pull away from you.

"J-just... gimme a sec..." He said nervously. You were a little dazed from your shared kiss, and both of you were starved for more. Lo'ak was doing his best to create a comfortable spot for the two of you to rest on, and you couldn't help but giggle at how cute it was. You walked over to where he was fretting, laying down and pulling him down with you.

It wasn't uncommon for Na'vi your age to mess around before bonding, even outside of an official courtship. However neither of you had ever wanted or even contemplated having fun with someone else. So you were both completely inexperienced. That didn't stop Lo'ak from doing to you all the things he'd been dreaming about for years.

Once he'd made sure you were comfortable, he began to worship every single part of you, committing every single inch of your skin to memory. The little sobs you let out when he started playing with your breasts, had him teasing you relentlessly until you were in tears. "L-Lo'ak... I'm sensitive there... please...!" You didn't know whether you were beginning him to stop or keep going.

He absolutely loved having you at his mercy in that way, but the sweet scent of your arousal had him finally relenting as he directed his attention to your glistening cunt. "Look at you, what a pretty little syulang, huh?" Lo'ak licked a stripe up your slit without as much as a warning, making you moan and tug at his braids. His eyes were completely transfixed by the sight of you, letting his fingers pet you gently at first. "I hope you know, your little syulang is all mine now... I don't plan on sharing you with anybody else." He growled possessively, before burying his face between your thighs to drink down the sweet nectar you couldn't seem to stop producing. "Y-yes... Lo'ak... all yours..." you whined softly, fully losing yourself into the pleasure he was so adamant to give you.

You were so foreign to the feeling of an orgasm approaching, you ended up squirting all over Lo'ak face. When he pulled away to look up at you with fully blown pupils, you were completely mortified at what just happened. You tried to pull away and apologise, but Lo'ak didn't let you second guess yourself for a second. He'd never been more turned on in his life. "No way, baby... can't have you saying that... this pretty little cunt deserves all the praise and care in the world... now stay still, I'm not finished..."

He lapped up all the slick that had been running down your thighs before attaching his lips to your folds once again. Soon, you were begging for him to claim you. All of you. While Lo'ak had been painfully hard the whole time, he hadn't thought about his own pleasure for a single second until then. His hands and even his sex were different to the ones of other Na'vi. He was afraid of disappointing you again, of not being up to the standard of what you needed.

"Lo'ak, please... I don't want you to take care of it by yourself..." you crawled over to him now, your shyness almost gone while his own insecurities were back. He let out a deep croon, holding you tight as you sat in his lap, your back against his chest. You tilted your head to the side so he could kiss and mark up you neck, all the while the two of you were rutting against each other. "You're already taking care of me..." He reassured you, but you still positioned yourself to line yourself up with his cock.

Lo'ak bit into your shoulder then, the feeling of your tight walls awakening a feral need to claim and breed inside of him. You were so small, you were struggling to even take him more than halfway, but Lo'ak was there to reassure you everything was perfect, you were perfect. "You're doing such a good job, yawne... fuck, fuck, fuck.... you're just so tight aren't you? Gonna have to ruin that cunt nice and proper first, if I you want to take me all the way..."

"Yes, Lo... I need it..." Lo'ak's words had you completely dumb and needy for him, and the two of you had just lost any semblance of self control you may have had until that point.

Your sweet and pliable nature give Lo'ak an immense sense of power and control over you. While it was undeniably hot to watch you struggle to take in the size of him, it was time to give both of you what you wanted. He gripped your hips tight and pulled almost all the way out before driving himself back in, loving the obscene sound of your wet walls dragging against him. You cried out his name, as he repeated the harsh motion, steadily driving himself deeper and deeper inside of you.

The two of you went at it for the entirety of the eclipse. The desire you had for each other was so desperate, the promise of feeling each other's pleasure once more was stronger than any ache in your body or sense of tiredness.

Waking up the following morning, you still felt the need for Lo'ak to mate you before the two of you had to once again go back to reality. This time, you finally managed to take him all the way and he thrust into you in one swift motion. The two of you were outside in the sunlight, your body trapped between Lo'ak's and the rough bark of the tree he'd pinned you against.

"Good girl... such a good girl... knew you could take me all the way..." Lo'ak praised you, pounding your raw and sensitive cunt, now able to make you feel every single inch of him. The pleasure was indescribable, even if you were overstimulated and sore from the previous night. You were calling out him name and begging him not to stop.

Unbeknownst to you, he'd dreamed about having you exactly like that the previous night.

[foxgirlintestines]

The one piece of advice I can really give to younger trans girls is that you really need to embrace the parts about you that you actually liked pre-transition. There is often that crushing weight of gloom and self loathing that comes with severe dysphoria that tells you that everything about you is wrong, but that can just your mind being clouded with negative emotions, and it becomes harder to see the positives. In the end, though, you probably aren't going to become a perfect barbie doll, and that's ok, but striving to become something like that can drive you crazy.

When I first transitioned, I just wanted to be a girl, no ambiguity, just look like a stereotype. It was never really possible, I'm almost 6 and a half feet tall, and the women in my family are not thin, when I got on estrogen I gained weight fast, and it did not go to all the right places. I wallowed in bed a lot, and I just kind of kept getting worse. Oddly enough, it was getting into fetish content where less standard body types were lusted after more than regular anime proportion waifus where I started to see some of the more positive aspects of being amab. I was tall, strong, could be threatening and having a big squishy gut was actually quite attractive. I started to remember things about me when I was younger that I kind of pushed out of my mind. I was the "guy" who would run the mile in PE then casually walk along-side my friends and keep them company so that they didn't get teased, and one time I picked up my overweight friend and just carried her the last bit of the way because she was exhausted and the teacher couldn't really do anything about it because even as a young teenager I towered over him. In theater when there were heavy props to move I just lifted them up and tossed them around when we didn't have grip present. When we were out drinking in college, I was the "safety" who intimidated people so they would not try and take advantage of the drunk girls. I am big, and even if is not very feminine, I like that about me.

I changed my transition goals, I started working out again, not just cardio exercises to lose weight, but weightlifting, squats while holing a barbell, throwing around a medicine ball, and doing laps around my backyard while holding a ~150lb dead tree I ripped out of the ground while doing yardwork on my shoulder. I got healthier, I got happier, and much to my new endocrinologist's chagrin I've been gaining more weight, though now it's muscle. There are still plenty of things that I changed to be feminine, I wear my hair long, I wear girly clothes, often cute shirts with open tops that show off my large arms shoulders and cleavage, and mini-skirts. I put on make-up, lots of bold goth get-ups with heavy eyeliner black lipstick and glittery deep grey eyeshadow. Long painted nails, jewelry, hell sometimes a sparkly rhinestone tiara when I really want to ham it up, cute open toe heels when not wearing my big stompy boots, and of course the biggest one (pun intended) my massive boobs that I got the largest implants legal to be used in the US to make me busty as hell. I don't look like a barbie, and I no longer want to. I'm to the point that people often don't know whether to call me sir or ma'am, but the fact that people say sir or ma'am meekly like they are afraid of getting it wrong is way better gender confirmation than being called "lady."

I am happy now, well, at least happy with my body, there is plenty of shit in the world that still makes me depressed as hell. At least I no longer feel that dysphoria, and it makes those other things a bit more manageable. I think even if I did achieve my original transition goals, I would not be as happy with my body as I am now. You got to find that about yourself too, sometimes you will actually miss things about who you used to be, even if those times were overall worse.

As a silly little comparison, these two pictures of my fursona (which reflect my ideal body type) were made before and after I accepted the things about my body that I didn't want to change.

[discordiansamba]

working on the second chapter of blue shadow, white flame! have a snippet!

"Shiemi! You there?" For a moment, there was no response- then he was greeted by a flutter of wings. Rin grinned as Shiemi came into view, having returned to her true form in the safety of her grandmother's garden. She landed on the garden gate, greeting him with a happy smile. Like this, she only stood about a head taller than his hand, small and cute. (…well, her human form was also pretty cute.) "Rin! Is cram school over already?" "Yeah!" Rin beamed. "I heard your application was approved, so I came over!" "Yeah! Grandma just told me." Shiemi said. "Come in!" Rin didn't hesitate, briefly ditching his human form to slip through the cracks of the garden gate. It always kind of stung when he touched it, so he tended to avoid it. As soon as he was on the other side, he recomposed himself- though he let his glamour completely drop. He didn't have to worry about that here. (No one here would call him Umbriel, either. He could just stay Rin.) Shiemi smiled, landing on his shoulder. Her dress was made out of flower petals and leaves, with tiny flowers wrapped around her ankles and wrists and a crown of them that adorned her head. They always seemed to change with the season- right now they were a soft pink, like cherry blossoms. He was certain if he asked, she could tell him exactly what flower they were. Even her wings had flowers blossoming out of them. "Do you want tea?" Shiemi asked. "Oh! I think grandma made some herb cookies!" "Nah, I'm good." Rin said. "You need a hand with anything?" Shiemi's control over plants was incredible, but she was too small in this form to do much but carry a toy-sized watering can. Being in human form all day was tiring for her. "Yeah!" Shiemi beamed. "You came at the perfect time. I need to spread some fertilizer! Grandma said she'd do it, but her back isn't quite what it used to be…" Oh. The fertilizer. Rin grimaced. The cow shit, in other words. Oh! Maybe he could- no, wait. He'd have to absorb those back into his body afterwards. They'd still be covered in cow shit. He didn't want that inside of him, thanks! "Rin?" "O-oh, the fertilizer right!" Rin stammered. "Yeah! I can totally help with that!" "Thank you!" Shiemi smiled. "I can always rely on you, Rin." In spite of himself, Rin smiled. He liked hearing that. He couldn't do anything about his nature, but he could strive to be better than it. "Okay!" Rin took off his jacket, rolling up his shirt sleeves. "Where do I start?"

[yolowritter]

In Defense of Chloe Bourgeois Part 1: Who is Chloe?

Well...shit, here we go again! Hello there everyone, welcome back to the source of my endless exasperation! Before any of you pick a side to the argument, I want to make it perfectly clear that this isn't a post about whether or not Chloe should have had a redemption arc. This is not my point, and any argument for either side have been repeated so many times by now that I can recite most by memory. So, let's begin by establishing why exactly I'm even writing this post!

Chloe Bourgeois is one of my favorite characters in Miraculous Ladybug. The...the fanon version, obviously. Canon can go keel over in an alleyway, it already has more holes in it than the average swiss cheese. I've been a part of this fandom for a good few years now, and at the time of watching Miracle Queen was understandably upset at the...direction, that her character was taken. It left a sour taste in my mouth because I honestly didn't see it coming, but I'll get more into that later. Point is, I was once a defender of Chloe's redemption arc. I am not stating if I am or not still one of those at present, because that's not what the point is. Regardless of what side of the fence you're on, we can all agree that her character was horribly mismanaged in the latter half of this show. Erratic, extreme and oftentimes illogical choices that sound stupider than Lila's average gaslighting scheme, and a character who previously had an arc going for her now being defined only by the sheer inconsistency that writhes every moment she's on-screen. I'll be honest, I no longer particularly care if Chloe "should" have been redeemed or not, because either avenue could have allowed for some brilliant (or at the very least pretty decent) storytelling.

This defense strives not to strip anyone of their arguments, nor to challenge anyone's headcanons, or make a point about what the "correct" way to handle Chloe's character should have been. Again, I lost interest in the debate a long time ago. I'm simply here to examine who Chloe is as a person, what drives her, what her life experiences have been like, and where all this could logically lead from both a writing and human perspective. I care about Chloe as a person, and about a character who if nothing else, at least acts consistently, in a way where the audience can watch them and understand why they're acting like this. I'll be trying to give context to some of her actions and fill in as many plot holes as I can, as well as giving a glimpse as to how a possible Redemption or Corruption Arc could have gone. So without any further ado, let's dive right in!

Firstly, let's start by laying out some common ground. After the Gabriel Agreste post, I think it's necessary to establish some clear lines as to what exactly we're talking about here. So before anything else, let's look at what we learn about Chloe in Season 1, yeah? Without going episode-by-episode, we generally don't get a good impression of her. Chloe is clearly spoiled by her father, used to always getting her way, and has no problem pressuring others into making that happen. She treats her classmates more like annoyances if not outright minions (Sabrina and on occasion Kim), has little consideration for other people's feelings, and likes appearing superior to everyone else. A pretty bad start, all things considered. She bosses Sabrina around, and we're explicitly told that Chloe often bribes her with her second-hand stuff, or whatever she wants to get rid of. Sabrina clearly doesn't know how to stand up for herself, and Chloe seems perfectly willing to take advantage of her doormat status. She also has the roots for a sweet sweet superiority complex firmly planted, considering how she rejects and humiliates Kim when he tries to confess his love to her. I'll be damned if I ever understand such bad taste, considering how Chloe is generally disliked by the rest of the class, but the point stands. She could have just told him no, even rudely if need be, and left it at that. Instead, she actively chose to humiliate the poor guy. Something similar happened with Nathaniel, whose feelings about Marinette she made public to everyone else for what seems to be entertainment value.

All in all, Season 1 Chloe has all the stereotypical makings of a popular girl from a 2010s American high school movie, including the narcissism, bullying, strong-arming school staff into not punishing these behaviors, inflated ego, and the complimentary minion! Except...Chloe isn't popular. With anyone, actually. Most of the class dislikes and barely puts up with her on a good day. They don't laugh along or jeer at whomever she's giving trouble to. Instead we have several instances where people actively try to either push the teachers into doing something or remove her from a situation where Chloe is causing problems. Think about the filming scenes in Horrificator for example. Chloe is acting like her usual self again, and refuses to allow Marinette to be the lead actress because she'll get to kiss Adrien. A tragedy, I know! Therefore, there's a whole plot to get her out of the room long enough for the scene to happen. People actively consider her at the very least a pain in the rear, and probably someone they just don't even want to talk to.

Obviously this isn't an excuse for anything she does. My point here is that from the perspective of the narrative, even while acting the part of a "Queen B", Chloe reaps none of the benefits, and in fact only serves to make people dislike her more with every episode that passes by. Even Adrien, who I'll circle back to in a second, her childhood friend who has a good opinion of her when he first comes to school, eventually stops trying to defend Chloe's behavior. There are, I think, a lot of reasons as to why she acts this way. Precisely none of them are an excuse or a "get out of jail" free card. Chloe still chooses to behave the way she does, regardless of the motivations.

About Adrien, we know that he and Chloe have known each other for a long while now. She was quite possibly his singular friend during his otherwise relatively isolating childhood, and she's very clearly attached to him. Chloe constantly clings to Adrien and drapes herself over him, and while he seems to find it annoying, there's still never a sense of disgust like with Lila in later Seasons. She's being suffocating, but there is never a connotation of romance here. Still, Chloe does everything she can to keep Adrien close to her, and (in Origins) "teach him how things are" in school. She's the one who got him signed up as a student in the first place, mind you, so she very clearly wants him to be around her. And while Chloe does brag about him being a famous model, she could just...do that without ever actually bringing Adrien out of the house? Clearly that's not the reason why she went through all the trouble to actually get him in the class, because bragging about it would probably go worse if she did it in front of him, or in an environment where Adrien could easily hear about and react to it. Chloe is very possessive of her "best friend" (and only friend, discounting Sabrina), and constantly belittles Marinette for trying to get close to him. Mind you, she doesn't find out about her feelings for Adrien until Season 3 I think. We never see Nino get bullied for befriending him, so what gives?

I'll talk about reasoning later down the line. For now, let's move onto Season 2. Amidst the beginnings of Ladybug handing out Miraculous jewels like candy to her best pals, seriously Season 4 overdid it, Chloe also exists. And during Despair Bear, Adrien finally puts his foot down about her behavior. He tells her that he can't be friends with someone who acts like a bully, and Chloe is genuinely hurt by this, to the point where she does her best to put on a good show and convince Adrien that is capable of not being an ass. Which is actually the case, believe it or not. She holds back the snides, does her best to make casual conversation with the people she considers to be inferior to her (I'll get to that, don't worry), and makes a real effort to keep at it for the sake of their friendship. The reason why she blows up here is made very obvious by the episode itself. Chloe is in unfamiliar territory and clearly reining herself in a lot, which Despair Bear pokes fun of in several back-to-back scenes. She doesn't want to do this, clearly has mutual dislike for the people she's forced to put up with every day and has made up her mind about a long time ago, for the sake of the one person she considers a genuine friend. And mind you, Chloe never uses Adrien for something. She brags about his job in Origins, and preens about their friendship often, but she never takes advantage of him like she does Sabrina. I will get to their toxic friendship in a minute, don't worry, but Chloe chooses not to try doing this with him. Adrien is...oblivious, to put it nicely, and she could easily try and play around that to serve her own goals, but she doesn't. Keep this in mind.

Anyway, she blows up because Armand (also c'mon, if you wanted to make the joke that Chloe doesn't know her butler's name, Jean "insert today's last name" was more than enough, Thomas) keeps lugging her teddy bear and playing pretend with her in a room full of people. I'm sorry, but that may be the most relatable Chloe moment in the whole show. Are you kidding me??? Of course she'd be embarrassed by this! I mean sure, her reaction to the situation is wrong, she shouldn't have screamed at him or threatened the man's job, but Chloe has serious anger management issues. That is obvious, because she acts like this every single day! Why would Armand do this??? She's already way out of her comfort zone by even hosting the party in the first place, surely there's easier ways of reminding Chloe not to be a bitch? Just tap her on the shoulder and say "miss, remember Adrien?" because that's the whole reason this is happening! The teddy bear is completely unecessary! Especially the voice acting! It made me laugh so hard when I first watched that episode but can you blame Chloe for being pissed? Again, she reacted poorly because her self control is comparable to Plagg's when there's camambert in his field of vision! So yeah, it's wrong to scream people's ears off like that, but she was also upset. And she's fourteen mind you!

Anyway, my actual point about Season 2 is that we get to see Chloe's character development. Thank Nooroo, finally a proper arc in this damn show! And we also get to see her family life. Side note, Andre Bourgeois is a spineless coward who I'll be bashing momentarily. But Chloe's mother is horrible! Audrey Bourgeois is blatantly neglectful, if not abusive to her daughter! She treats Chloe the same way Chloe treats everyone else! As disposable, expendable things that don't "deserve" her attention because they're not good enough. Like, if this doesn't give a six year old some hefty trauma along with an inferiority complex, what will??? And the situation becomes even worse as Chloe becomes incresingly desperate during Style Queen, trying again and again to please Audrey by copying her behavior (which she's been doing this whole time) even more intensly, and acting like the entitled, self-absorbed narcissist that her mother is! And this is where we see exactly why Chloe does what she does! Again, none of this excuses her actions, but it does help us understand the behavior. Audrey constantly puts Chloe down and belittles her the same way she does to Marinette...only to later pick the kid that Chloe is jealous of (I will explain this in a second!) to come with her to New York, where Audrey had presumably yeeted herself off to years ago and never bothered to come visit! We already know that she pressured her husband into giving up his love for film to stay with her, maybe even during her pregnancy or after Chloe's birth. Only to promptly vanish and leave him (a person who never grew a spine or managed to stand up to what is undoubtebly a toxic relationship) with her miniature copy. It's obvious that Chloe's barely ever seen Audrey, but she idolizes the woman because that's her mother! Heck, Adrien idolizes Emilie even if she was arguably not a great person (see here) and Chloe is always kicked to the curb for just doing the same!

Audrey is a horrible person and an even worse role model, but when you're five years old and she disappears from your life, is it any wonder that there's a steaming hot pile of mommy issues here? If Chloe has been told by Audrey from the moment she was old enough to understand words that she isn't "exceptional" enough to "deserve" her time, then isn't it obvious why Andre tries and fails to make up for this by always coddling his daughter and giving in to her every whim? He's trying to please her and give Chloe a sense of self-importance that Audrey made near-impossible to develop, and also makes up for his own absence by basically bribing his own child! Not that Andre is innocent in this! If anything, he's even more at fault than Audrey! Because while she flew off into the sunset to fire her twenty-seventh unpaid intern of the week, he was still in Paris with Chloe! Who grew up with him, mind you! And sure, he got elected into office and had a busy job as a single parent! You know what else he did? Crime! Almost everything he does in this damn show is completely illegal! Bribery, blackmail, undue termination of Roger's position as a police officer, who Andre doesn't even have juristiction over mind you (because Paris had the National Police until like 2021-ish if I recall correctly), he's just a corrupt, scummy politian whose ideas (see Megaleech) are harmful to the people he's supposed to be serving and outright motivated by greed! And also, we are explicitly told that he taught Chloe to do these same things! Andre Bourgeois is a total idiot who's probably been committing tax evasion for all we know, and Audrey is a self-absorbed diva who bullies her own child constantly, when she even bothers to go see her! Which is never, unless she needs to be in Paris for some other event related to her job!

Thomas, what the heck do you mean Chloe is evil? Lila is an accomplice to a domestic terrorist, and a psychopath against whom the only protection is the show's PG rating! If Lila could, she'd burn Marinette's house down for shits and giggles my good man! Audrey is everything I just mentioned, Andrey is a corrupt, spineless politician, Tomoe physically abuses her daughter with fucking katanas on the daily, Gabriel Agreste is that domestic terrorist who almost fired every nuclear warhear in the USA by the way! Because that was stupid of the NYC special to do! But he still did it! Plus the genocide in Shanghai! Accident or not, Hawkmoth is still responsible! And later on he also put his son in a room! A rubber room! Thankfully there weren't any rats, as if he needs another OSHA violation! Are you people insane when you say "I don't know why Chloe acts like this"? Have you lost your marbles??? Do you want me to have an aneurysm? Of course a child is going to act the way Chloe does if this is the shit she's been dealing with since Day 0 of her life! Does that make it okay? Absolutely not! But does it mean that she deserved what happened to her canonically? Also no! I'll talk about how the corruption arc could have worked at the end, because they tried and failed to do that, so let's circle back to the "jealous of Marinette" thing from a minute ago, kay?

Note: We're doing this in part 2 because this is closing in on 3k words already. The whole rant is done, no you don't want to know how long it is, I'm just splitting it because nobody will ever read 7.5k words worth of anything on Tumblr dot com.

< next post >

[ghostofasecretary]

OK

god. am i wounded animal or a man. am i stressed or am i happy. how come i feel so many things at once.

do you want an actual answer to that?

- the emotional throughline of hope and grief and hope and pain and hope and fear that's been in your life since, like, fall-winter 2021 has now been resolved pretty firmly on the side of "hoping and working for things does sometimes pay off." which is good! and also, y'know, it's winter-spring 2025. it makes a ridiculous amount of sense that you'd have a lot of feelings here, babe.

- being happy is hard? like. it's so stupid but i feel (sometimes. right now) like being anxious is more relaxed than actual relaxation. habits of the mind and whatnot.

i was really happy in my first semester of college. my then-boyfriend sucked in ways that kind of poison it in retrospect but--yeah. i was happy. i had some really nice times in summer 2020 but was also starting to deal with the trauma of. uh. early spring 2020. i was pretty happy in spring 2021 and then i, like, had major PTSD symptoms and a whole arc with my ex-girlfriend that didn't end for me with dumping her because that isn't how emotions work. i had a few nice months at my first job in 2022 and then it exploded and i was emotionally wrecked for an age. it's not that i haven't had happy moments, happy days, all throughout my life! even in my junior year of high school, straight up the worst year of my life, a friend took me ice skating when i was feeling suicidal and like i had always been miserable and would always be miserable, ceaselessly, and it was useless to pretend otherwise. and the skating and the time with him was a bright spot in that void. it was a promise: other people remember things being better for you and the winter will end and things can get better again.

in sophomore year when i started dating my first boyfriend (aromantically), i remember feeling like joy was a light spilling out of me and clustering around my heart; i remember feeling like i was holding this fragile miracle in my hands. and i remember hoping for the future.

and i remember getting my heart broken for the first time in that specific way and crying for days!

and i was so in love with my first girlfriend in a way that hurts to remember now. being sincere is frightening.

i used to think, as a disdainful and terrified child, that happiness wasn't worth striving for. it was a fleeting feeling--why bother? go for moral integrity or something. and thinking like that killed that kid, in a way. they would be so disappointed in me, and frankly that's a good thing because being queer is awesome and being homophobic sucks.

even now that i believe happiness exists and is attainable and worth pursuing, though, i'm so scared. i'm stressed a lot.

you know what i'm gonna do while writing this, i'm gonna go upstairs and drink some tea and sit in the sunlight!

ok. right. what am i doing.

i'm trying to decide what i want my month to look like and trying to do more with my day than read some really excellent fiction.

what are the, like, general domains of things i'm working on? anything i want to add or cut?

1. eating well + cooking a lot (to help stay on budget) (also cooking is FUN)

2. maintaining my mental and physical health (getting ADHD meds, getting a PCP who will prescribe me the pills i need to not have migraine town unlimited 4eva (URGENT TASK ACTUALLY))

3. socializing, esp. with my 4 IRL friends because holy shit touch starved. i have 8 friends elsewhere to call/text/reach out to at least once a month (with varying levels of relationship intensity but still), plus i also want to ping my parents and my grandma every so often.

4. feeding my brain! this is mostly Persian poetry and reading books

5. career stuff, mainly brushing up on Arabic but also in the next month or two: another interview, a guy i need to thank/reach out to, a trip to plan, then taking said trip. accept the offer you want to when it's time.

6. staying? alive? going to work. COULD REALLY USE A SECOND JOB TBH. but ugh, how

7. Encrichment Activities--go ice skating, go to museums more, go to free performances, knit, throw parties

8. live a life that's nice--sleep, fix holes in clothes, do laundry, dust, maintain plants, take out trash, get groceries. GET A HAIRCUT, THIS GROW OUT IS ACTIVELY DISTRESSING AT THIS POINT.

i'll also be moving again, so that kind of sucks. but it isn't a problem for right now.

this list doesn't include much broader societal change but teaching kids to read is pretty targeted societal change so i think it hits my "live a meaningful life" need.

put up the dishes in the dishwasher, fixed lunch, put up dishes in dishrack, washed my housemate's dishes, started steps for granola. am still eating

i started writing this at like 1 and it is now near bedtime. did some cozy knitting and dancing alone and i made granola! made the carrot-mushroom-onion stirfry with ginger sauce and it was stupid tasty. cooking without a food scale makes me feel blind at this point. i badly need a battery for it. but hey, food was made and eaten.

it is very cold and the thermostat is showing an error. need to put in a maintenance request for my own sake.

tired. very, uh, "i suck and am sad" right now? which is weird. i think it's a mix of a) putting off email communication b) being cold and c) idk, maybe i just feel sad today? that's allowed. not ideal but, like. fine.

tomorrow: groceries, wash clothes, YOGURT, poke friends re: hangouts? (Monday is a busy day and 4 what), other baking mayhaps, autism hungry feed it (do spreadsheets) (and/or vidya game?)

[crguang]

always love the violinist au lore drops, omg.

so...was their instructor elio? if so thats crazy. always imagined him playing a stringed instrument (like pulling strings, puppeteer-esque bc he's like manipulating the future idk) so i always pictured him playing like violin, or harp. but also maybe bass bc he's sort of setting everything up and he like tells the future, and his v basic instruction (bc lets be honest they're barely following the script, its v lenient) there just wouldnt be stellaron hunters, and usually basses keep everyone on beat, idk.

btw i've been meaning to ask, how does kafka know blade in this au? like very funny to me how the ppl she's closest to in canon are basically her coworkers 😭

also the angst, like damn. them not rlly knowing each other until they meet again, even tho kafka is literally haunted by their presence, omg. and their instructor being a piece of shit and kafka not rlly realizing until later...i can't. and r being insecure and guilty abt it all, im going to implode. and kafka practicing until her fingers bleed ik her fingers are callused af.

also r not being able to recognize that kafka likes them bc of their insecurities, and kafka wearing sunglasses to hide that bc she thinks its so obvious, I'm gonna die. ik they're so annoying whenever kfr hangs out w acheswan. and kafka inviting r to the opera saying "i have two tickets" like blade isnt right there if she rlly needed someone to go with, and she's rich probably and one ticket doesn't mean much, she's so obvious.

but honestly it'd be kind of embarrassing to admit that u like kafka, shes such a loser. could never imagine admitting to liking kafka like that.../s

my finals also didn't start out very well, but im finishing them up this week and then im free for a month. do think i will fail my last one tho. its like my worst subject and im a pretty bad test taker in the first place, but wtv, it'll totally be fine. I'm sure you'll do good tho

-🌠

oh my god i didnt even think that far but i love this a lot. elio playing a string instrument always felt right but the bass especially would be so good… violin and bass sounds right to me it’s added to the lore 😋

kafka and blade…. once again plugging this insane animation about them because while it wouldnt apply exactly to a modern au, this is the vibe they’ve always given me. like no he didnt try to kill himself in front of her but this sort of chance meeting where each of them goes “oh, this one knows emptiness.” is how i want them to find each other every time. to me, blade might be the person that understands kafka the most and his care for her makes me want to die. they obviously care a lot about each other, they’re the best friends ever for me. implicit understanding of how the other works, long comfortable silences, them going through life together… i cant stand kafblade as a ship but i cant even lie like i get it man. blade’s perception of destiny is full of pain bc he’s left to suffer through it while kafka strives to make it her own wow sorry they mean so much to me. im realizing i havent actually answered your question but thats because i havent thought about it too much hejdjfkg i want her to find him on the side of the road or something. but i believe the stellaron hunters understand kafka best that’s why they’re closest to her even if sometimes it’s not the influence she needs

https://youtu.be/EED6XGHX7DI?si=jE7KkuZtSosG0zbB

kafka with calloused hands is so important to me she’s always wearing gloves now but won’t really wear them when she’s playing the violin because it’s much more intimate that way. UGH r tracing her fingers and knuckles and going over the faded marks there… let’s all cry. hanging out with acheswan and blade has made kafka believe that she’s so obvious she has to wear sunglasses around r for her own sanity but the whole time r is thinking “does she even like me 😣😣😣”, ridiculous. they’re both so stupid it’s really insane that it took them almost 15 years to get together like what’s wrong with them.

“i have two tickets” = i want you i want you i want you i want you i want you—

i would never tell kafka i like her i don’t think this is information she needs to have… it’d be obvious tho and she’d manipulate the shit out of me because of it but thats ok this is literally me

hope your finals arent too hard bc mine are definitely not going well so far hdhdjfkg but its fine we’ll live to write gp!kafka smushots during winter break