#like idk maybe stop and think if this is rly worth it

[shuckstruck]

my spicy hot take is that the internet would do better to let the game die quietly under a mountain of bad press and apparently Bad Game Design, and i worry that stirring up so much drama about it is leading to more success than anyone intends. which isnt rly a concern on the Queer Neurodivergent Webbed Site™ so like. make/reblog as many memes as u want i dont want to come across as telling ppl to stop. but I worry about the twitter/discord campaigns I see and the potential of having the Opposite than intended effect

[0uterspacew0rm]

guys. guys I'm drunk. should I msg him (my old best friend who i fell out with permanently and horribly 8 whole months ago)

[n0phalt]

people found this which is kind of funny but also kind of keeps reminding me that the thing Happened even though my brain has since blocked it out so. mixed bag

i love the grind i love experiencing something devastatingly life altering and getting home just in time to scarf down One meal for the day and sleep immediately so i can get up in time to do the last few days of job that makes me frustrated and guilty inherently. guy in corner meme ‘they dont know i witnessed the horrors yesterday’ with name tag that says ‘im sooooooo normal’

[poppyseedmuffiin]

poppys amazing guide to free money for in app purchases (not clickbait)

long post ahead, sorry in advance. now idk if anyone else has talked about this at all, at least in the sky community. but with the amount of IAPs in sky (and seeing periodic posts of people offering services like commissions in exchange for season passes or exclusive IAP cosmetics) i feel like i just cant sit on this knowledge any longer if people turn out to not know about it. maybe almost everyone is aware of it and/or already using it or doesnt care and im a silly goose, but if this can save even just one person some money, or allow them to buy something they couldn't have afforded otherwise, then i'll be happy lol. it's certainly helped me and i'd like to share the love.

getting to the point: if you are on android/use google play (sorry everyone else idk if apple/the app store or other platforms have something similar, might be worth looking into or idk maybe this same app is on there too), then you can use this app called Google Opinion Rewards to get free google play credit.

this is going to feel like a cheesy fake youtube sponsorship or something but For Real this app gives you basically free money in response to answering surveys. i downloaded it a few years ago after one guy mentioned it in a video in passing, and as of now i have gotten from it almost $150 of google play credit.

“poppy, this sounds super sus”, you might be thinking, shaking your head. “answering surveys?? isnt this a scam to collect your personal data??” and fair enough! yeah probably the data is being sold (though on the page they claim to not share it with 3rd parties), im not super internet wise or savvy but idk it seems like everything is selling your data nowadays. and to get the most amount of surveys you can, you have to have certain things turned on in your google account.

it might ask you about a place you've been recently, or if you've been looking up something lately, or if you remember watching a certain video on youtube, or whatever. sometimes it's very accurate and specific with the targeted surveys, and sometimes it's totally fucking random. to me its not any creepier than getting an ad for like. wendys after only talking about it out loud with my phone within earshot, and most of them are pretty innocuous anyway, at least in my opinion. idk. u dont have to use this. im just putting it out there for those who might want to give it a whirl.

Before i go into the nitty gritty rambly details (on the google doc below), here’s the reassurance: this is real. Yes, the reward for each survey is less than a dollar, but it adds up. Sometimes there are a whole bunch at once and that can bring in a good haul. Since downloading the app, i’ve answered 730 surveys, and from that earned $142.11 (as of writing this right now) in total rewards/credit.

That’s not nothing! I’ve been able to buy sky IAPs with nothing but credit that i’ve earned from answering these surveys. The longest of these surveys literally take a max of like 20 seconds, and u can go right to them from the notification on your phone. It takes 0 effort essentially and for me it is worth it to see that receipt for $0 in my inbox. I have a compulsive spending habit and use it rly often so in my case mostly it just acts as a discount, subtracting from the price however much is in my balance, but still! That’s better than paying full price! Free money is free money! You can also choose whether or not to use it when making a purchase, and stop answering questions and giving them the data at any time. You can choose what to share with them really easily from the settings in the app, so if you want to turn off just location or something, you can just go to “survey eligibility”, select what you want to change, and manage it as you like. The only thing you have to have is your age, since it won’t send surveys to users with no age on their account. And you can use the credit on other apps too, since it’s google play credit! I just mostly use it for buying sky IAPs. you can save up to buy a season pass! 

If you’re like me (maybe not. Im kind of pathetic. Someone pls validate me), you’ve tried whatever you can to not pay for microtransactions. Yeah there’s stuff like mistplay and those annoying ass “tasks for coins” esque things within an app that have you sign up for online magazines or download other apps and get to level 3 of PigFarmVille or whatever to earn credit or money, but those never got me anywhere and this is the most effective, legitimate thing i’ve ever used for this purpose. It takes time and patience, but before you know it you’ll have $5 kicking around in your balance and you can buy the cute oreo headband or pair of shoes or whatever tgc has in the shop this time. It legitimately feels like i’m cheating, sometimes, or that it’s too good to be true, but i’ve used this for three years now and it’s never let me down. And no i’m not sponsored, just a broke bitch that stumbled across this. They should give me something for this free promotion tho lmaoo

below I have both the sharing link to download the app if anyone wants to and a link to a google doc with my personal tips for this app on it since this post is way too long already and i dont want to waste more of peoples time, but anyway thanks for reading if you did, and if you try it out and it ends up helping lmk! c: and also maybe reblog to spread around if you think others would find this helpful. I almost never do posts like this especially bc im very unsure of myself and tend to think im wrong but sometimes i get stuff right and this feels like something i got right. Hope it helps you too. 

Get paid for answering short surveys. Download Google Opinion Rewards now: https://googleopinionrewards.page.link/share

[broodwolf221]

since idk how many blorbos i'm gonna do this for yet, i'm gonna start by just linking to the question post -> here <- and when i'm done i'll link all the posts to that :')

so for now... halcor brosca:

your Warden/Hawke/Inquisitor's opinion on Orlais?

indifferent, kinda? he never understood orzammar's high society, he sure doesn't understand orlais'.

are they skilled in The Grand Game?

lmao. hell no.

opinion on blood magic?

initially very wary, then more or less ambivalent. all magic is freaky, but he gets close with morrigan and realizes that she has control over her magic, so his opinion shifts substantially. he's also naturally inclined to question authority/conventional wisdom, so that is an aspect of this

attitude towards Andrastianism?

indifferent. it's a faith. he doesn't get it. some of its practitioners are assholes, some are nice, all of them are people.

attitude towards the Chantry?

early on: indifferent. as time progresses, though, he becomes more wary about it. he's... not Big on controlling sociocultural mechanisms in general.

attitude towards the Qun?

at first, very, very ignorant, with only fanciful stories to give any context. after meeting sten and hearing a bit more about the culture itself, his opinion becomes more grounded and more critical. overall, he's not a fan.

if they had to choose one person most important to them, who would that be?

rica and morrigan are pretty well tied, actually.

who do they hate the most, and do they have an arch-nemesis?

um… hm. he’s not really one for hate? the way he is, being casteless and all, he grew up expecting to get the short end of the stick, and he grew accustomed to that. I think he was very angry for a while growing up, but then that anger began to poison him and he worked - hard! for a long time! - on letting it go. now it’s like… are you going to be angry at the cliff because you fell down it? that’s kinda how he views things now. because of that, people being genuine, trustworthy, and kind freaks him out a bit. he keeps waiting for the betrayal. the point where keeping him in their good graces costs more than it’s worth. it’s part of why he gravitates towards morrigan - her anger and condemnation are open, obvious, transparent. so when it stops being directed at him, he actually trusts that.

that all said… probably leske. because that was a betrayal, a real betrayal, one that cut deep.

what is their love language? 

hm. don’t rly buy into love languages, but he’s pretty open with his feelings. less “i love you” and more “i think you’re glorious” all starry-eyed

are they good horse riders?

ehhhh… it takes a bit to get used to, but he gets there in the end!

what are their religious beliefs, if any?

none. if he prays - usually before a battle and out of desperation - it’s to the stone, although sometimes he casts a wider net “the maker, andraste, elven gods if you’re listening, whoever the qunari worship-” kinda thing

attitude towards Mabari?

okay so they are Big Dogs and he’s not used to dogs and they freaked him out at first!!!! but then he saved that mabari and now he loves them.

their thoughts on the Grey Warden order?

little opinion on it prior to joining; after joining, very “wtf, this is it?” because it should NOT have been just him and alistair for so long

who are they closest to from their family?

rica! 100%

preferred weapon of choice?

two daggers

do they get sentimental about their weapons or armour?

nope, although he appreciates having nice gear and he maintains it very well.

what were they like as a child?

angrier, bitter. tried hard to reach his mother. 

do they have any irrational fears?

falling into the sky is still sorta-kinda there. he prefers forests or mountainous areas; flat areas freak him out

are they afraid of death?

no

where would they like to be buried?

doesn’t think about it. probably doesn’t want to be buried at all though. burned, maybe.

what is their biggest regret?

not being able to help rica more. he feels like he abandoned her to run off with the grey wardens.

have they ever been to Tevinter?

nope

do they have, or want to have, children?

kieran is his son, although he hadn’t ever thought about having children before. he ends up wishing he could be a father to him, but of course morrigan goes her own way and he does not pursue her; he respects her choice, even if he disagrees with it. he thinks about kieran often, though

what languages can they speak?

common

what did they plan for their life to look like before the events of the game happened?

nothing good. surviving until he was killed.

do they get a happy ending?

not… really? he finds happiness, but it’s always fleeting. still, it matters.

[v3nusxsky]

Peer pressure

*Authors note~ I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to this love I hope it's okay*

Trigger warnings~ peer pressure, alcohol drugs stick and pokes easily led r and depression

Prompt~ Hey idk rly how requests work but I wanted to request a lesso x reader H&C fic -where the reader kinda has like a mental breakdown cuz their friends keep pressuring them into like drinking and drugs and stick and pokes and they're just tired of doing stuff they don't really wanna be doing and having to hide it from everyone- idk just some personal issues I'm going through that I need some comfort for if u do write it id really appreciate it and I don't really want credit but it's fine if u don't do ya thanks also I love ur writing it helps me a lot so thanks for that <3 requested by mystery272722 on wattpad

You'd always been told you were easily led. In a world full of Shepard's and sheep, you were undoubtedly a sheep. A follower of anyone really. You aimed to please, and if you didn't you worried you'd lose the person or that you'd somehow lost your worth. This is what made you vulnerable and easy to exploit, despite knowing that you were powerless to stop. Seeking validation and friendship and finding it in the wrong crowd.

You liked to think you were a good student, as good as a never can be anyway. But this new group of friends you found yourself in seemed to be the complete opposite. The first hint was when they encouraged you to go drinking. You didn't really want to drink, alcohol wasn't your thing, but every time you said no your friends would keep pushing you to. That night you ended up caving and telling them "just one" which ended up being an awful amount, so much so you had no idea just how much alcohol was floating around in your system. The hangover you were going to have in the morning would be one hell of a bitch to deal with. Yet your friends were no where to be seen in the morning, probably off nursing their own hangovers. You promised yourself you'd be stronger next time.

The next time was when a few of them decided to get high. It wasn't something you ever wanted to try, you had no interest and truly you hated the smell of it. Yet you still wish d to keep your friends so you went with them, knowing you'd told them you wouldn't be smoking. Oh how wrong you'd been. They let you get comfortable before adding on the pressure, goading and taunting you into smoking with them. "Don't be a baby, it's just a little smoke" they whined watching as you coughed and spluttered after taking a hit. It tasted god damn awful, you didn't understand why anyone would want to do this willingly. Upset with yourself for not being stronger you managed to break away from the group.

The third time they were doing stick and pokes. You didn't want one, if you were going to get tattoos then it would be done in a shop by a trained professional, not some drunk and high 17 year old in the schools classroom. Truly you wondered why they choose to set up here, after all a classroom? But you left them too it, until the pressure became too much. "It doesn't even hurt why are you such a whimp" the whined trying to catch you and put you in the chair. "No thank you. I don't want to" you whimpered trying to stand up to them only to fail. They'd caught you and held you still in the chair.

Just as the needle pierced the skin and you let out a pained cry. That cry alerted Leonora Lesso to come and see the room, the sight that met her truly broke her heart. Your so-called friends holding you down as you cried. Instantly, she began barking orders at you all, dismissing the unnecessary students before ensuring they let you go. You were instantly up, out of the chair and into her arms. Your sobs wrecked your body as you clutched your arm to your body. Her hand soothingly ran up and down your spine before instructing your friends to be taken to the doom room. Maybe if you were willing to have the stick and poke she could've turned a blind eye, but seeing how distressed you were she knew they had to be punished.

"Sweetheart, you should never be forced into something you don't want to do. And if your friends don't listen to you Angel then they aren't good friends to have" she finished her little speech she dropped a quick sweet kiss to your head before asking to see your arm. You allowed her too and she gently healed the small pokes. "There sweetheart it never happened, if anything should ever happen like this I want you to come and find me okay Angel" you nodded in conformation that you would before just soaking in her motherly embrace.

Word count~ 861

[gokartkid]

maxiel— lawyers au (max recently said he would be a lawyer if he wasn’t a driver lol.. idk it made me think of succession au even tho not rly related but similar vibes!!)

this ask is actually perfect because did you know my comfort show forever and for life is suits XOXOXO

max as a first-year-associate on that GRIND (put to work doing all the research that everyone else doesn't want to do) and daniel's just a bit higher up in the food chain re: he keeps coming over to max's desk to chat to him which max is at first like can u pls shut up and let me work 😭 but then daniel is yk eating his salad talking shit and he looks over maxs shoulder and says hey wait-- look. thats a major discrepancy (because when max talks as well he is listening, while he's making fun of him!)

daniel giving max tips and tricks re: yeah no dont even try talking to helmut if you see him have more than 3 coffees in the morning lol not worth it you'll get shut down. DO talk to christian if he's got his door open, and especially if he's had a meeting with toto-- he'll be so out of it he says yes to anything you ask about

max staying late because FUCK he has to get this pro bono case done and it, like, sucks, and he still doesn't know what the fuck billable hours are-- and he thinks he's all by himself until daniel rocks up with a pizza and is like. STOP. right now. you need brain food, like, yesterday. come on. ill help you out (working thru the night in the case library oooh)

daniel fucking it up in a trial and-- he's having a crisis suddenly and suddenly MAX is the one that can help HIM because "daniel of course I have been following your case you've been so stressed and look-- on page 28 there is this clause--" and they winnn!!! or whatever. im not a lawyer btw

max clearly getting on the partner track and daniel is getting. defffinitely feelings for him but they are-- also definitely discouraged from having relationships within the company let alone-- like, daniel doesn't want max to get any weird nepotism or fucking-your-way-up accusations and theres like a drunken moment where they kiss maybe, and max is suddenly like oh! oh wow i have feelings for daniel, whereas daniel is kind of at the end of this journey of "yup i definitely 100% have feelings for max. fuck. fuck fuck fuck." (also like. homophobia or whateverr they work at one of those pinkwashing rainbow tick companies but yk very "oh we have a gay employee (one)" :))

and so daniel... leaves! VERY shock news because ppl were like, oh suuurely he'll become a junior partner at some point in the next few years-- and its like, rlly shocking AND he has to not work for 3-6 months or smth because of sensitive client info and like, he has to start new at this new company (renault vibes) now and max feels like, horribly betrayed because obviously daniel didn't talk to him about it and-- why didnt he talk to him about it???

and daniel gets caught up in the move and sorting out his life and everything as well so he barely has the time to talk to max or to contact him or anything let alone like, examine his feelings now that a relationship would be POSSIBLE. anyway long story short: max feeling betrayed, daniel trying to see him again but only managing to do it in passing at like, trial overlap times they have and max is avoiding him because to HIM thats the clearest rejection you could get! (can't think thru a reconcile now but they do, and its hard, but then theyre lawyers in love or WHATEVERRR)

send me an au and ill make up some headcanons!

[yuukei-yikes]

Haruka's cringe compilation also includes him seeing Ene, probably thinking she looks very pretty, but instead of rekindling his high school romance he's living through the worst adaptation of "new phone who dis" ever conceived by man or snake

LMAOOO please and in that point in time haruka also technically spent a lot of time watching konoha try to get hibiya and hiyori out of the timeloop for god knows how long. we dont talk abt this enough. haruka can see everything konoha sees so like... erm. bitch also saw these kids getting killed over and over. lol! (descent into insanity complete as i think abt haruka and hibihiyo dynamic post str)

so like. last haruka saw of takane was her dead body, he had no reason to NOT think she wasn't in a similar state as him. like in some limbo place. bc tbh does haruka even know where he is... and from watching everything thru konoha he might know as much as kenjirou being a danger but that's it. cuz we don't know if he ever explicitly did anything to reveal in front of konoha that he is not Really kenjirou. ofc there are the hcs that the people inside the daze move freely and can see each other but personally i never interpreted it like this. i like the hc theyre all alone bc makes for better post str angst and i like the idea that ayano CAN do this but doesn't because she is too upset she could not save haruka and takane and is too ashamed to face haruka. and also something something self punishment i dont deserve to hang out with my friend and receive updates from what he can see with awakening eyes (but doesnt stop to think it'd be nice for haruka to have someone). i think ayano probably shows up to haruka at least once Largely based on his line in the eighth novel when she appears. he says "she was always unannounced" or something like that and yeah maybe he meant back then when they were alive ayano had always been kind of sudden and unexpected idk lol but i like to interpret it as in ayano suddenly showing up in haruka's daze like. hi. (cries a lil bit then immediately leaves)

ERM. SORRY I GOT SIDETRACKED. LIKE ALWAYS. i think haruka Knows where he is bc ayano told him, but it's also so appealing to me that he's just confused the whole 2 years (plus the 10 years it feels he's watching hibiya and hiyori die) cuz. heh. angst. but yeah i think he'd know but not much (until konoha meets the dan yknow)

ANYWAYS YEAH my point was he just went through all that, been alone for 2 years plus all the time worth in the hibihiyo timeloop and finally. HE GETS TO SEE TAKANE. except he is not really himself and konoha is just making her freak out and cry and haruka's just having a mental breakdown bc he's been in this place for so damn long where he cant feel tired or sleep or eat and he is just laying there in a room perfectly designed to fit his worst nightmare like he is by all means dead but alive enough to be tortured like this lolllll and now he gets to see the person he's been begging to see all this time like YOU KNOW in the third novel the first konohas state of the world chapter he says "if i had a final wish i would reach out to that girl who used to yell at me all the time" (insanity) like i truly think the i want to see you takane bit from the anime is from there. anyways. the fact that line happens while konoha is actively trying to stop the timeloop for hibiya and hiyori AUGGHH

um. yeah he gets to see her again. but all his other self is doing is making her cry lmaooo

but also i think haruka is rly touched that takane refuses to see konoha as him and calls him a fake LOL bc haruka hates konoha bc it acts so much like him, clueless to those around him and just being a burden but takane refuses to see it as haruka because it's NOT haruka like she knew immediately it wasn't him. and maybe from takane's pov its just her in denial of haruka having his memories erased but still she was right, it wasnt haruka in his body. and i think he would be so touched abt this (which is why he's so desperate for her company post str not only for obvious reasons like he loves takane and he was alone for god knows how long inside the daze but ALSO BECAUSE.. everyone else became great friends with konoha and he feels so bad replacing it and fears the dan resents him hehehehehfhejdjjdjfiekdkoeoeo

[jdopes-recorder]

Not little rant pls ignoreee

Literally giving you so much time to scroll past

Stop scrolling

Well you asked for it:

Im feeling kinda lonely here :/

There's moots and blogs I like that are so talented and cool so obv they get a lot of asks and interactions

They all must be getting them cuz they do something, right

What do I even do here?

I reblog sfuff.

I know that reblogs mean a lot to the writers but still.

I've literally posted one headcanon but that was from some surge of confidence and I don't like anything I've sort of written other than that. Ones with serious topics and scenarios. I'm not good at conveying that stuff. My writing is like an examination essay, pretty bad with bringing emotions and more descriptive.I have ideas but I'm not good at writing.

Idk what to make edits and gifs.

I dont do those 'relatable thoughts' that I see everywhere.

Am I even worth much to the people I interact with? Probably not tbh there's nothing great abt me

The one I was closest to here for the most was aster but then she deactivated suddenly and I didn't even know why so I had to ask rin.... It sounds stupidly selfish but I just wish aster had let me know before she left bcz it was such a shock. I was gonna ask her smthg and I went to our messages and it said it was deactivated.

It was just a lot to process and I miss her a lot.

I'm not rly doing anything worthwhile here tho am I?

What do I bring to this platform?

Nothing really

I do moodboards sometimes but I haven't for like two months cuz it takes quite a bit of time and patience and I don't have that kind of stuff rn

It feels pretty pathetic actually, to see your moots posting awesome stuff that literally move my soul while I do nothing.

I suppose sometimes I may make them happy a bit

Maybe

I always try my best to leave feedback on all writing works I read and I know how much that means to them

I've only posted one thing and the few reblogs I got and their tags mean so much so I wanna do that for others.

But it feels.... Weird and sad to be this unproductive here.

Kinda feels like I don't belong in a place like this where there are so many talented creative wonderful people.

I'm not rly thinking about it but, if I deactivated my blog, what great thing will be gone with me? Moots may be a bit :( but they'll definitely find many another blogs that are equally cool to interact with right? Right.

Ok well that was the most I've ever showed my feelings here... Weirdddd

[chocosvt]

hi choco… how are u? i’m writing here for the first time bc i need to share something that’s making me crazy rn.. a few days ago me and my friends went to my best friend’s house for a sleepover and we all ended up drinking and getting wasted yk… and then my best friend’s brother and his friends joined us too. tbh, i never rly denied it but her brother is so handsome like….. VERY VERY HANDSOME. so when we were all drinking, i knew i wasn’t sober AT ALL n so i started flirting with him omfg. keep in mind that i’ve never had a proper conversation with him, so everyone was surprised that we were talking a lot that night. AND YK… he kept flirting back *head in hands* he even gave me his phone number and wanted to share his ice cream with me and shit… bro had me giggling like a highschooler, i was going crazy (literally, bc he was also shirtless haha…). when we were about to go to sleep, he kept whining and asking my best friend if i could sleep with him on his bed. i think it took them almost an hour to say that i wasn’t going to sleep with him help…… overall it was a crazy night and the morning after when my friends told me what happened I WAS EMBARRASSED AS FUCK.

bc i’m very shy when sober LOL. he was the last one to wake up n OFC he sat next to me and started teasing me… he was like “do i have to make you drink again for you to talk to me?” 😭 i swear all of this just reminded me of your joshua’s best friend’s brother fic too.. CUZ WHY CAN’T I STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM NOW… i know we were both drunk but fuck... i want to text him so bad but i’m too shy and ik he’s never going to like me i’m hahshwhsjshahshsjs .

um um um um um um um um um um

TBH! i think it was a good decision to not sleep in his bed LOL bc obviously when you're inebriated your judgement isn't the most concrete and i would hate for you to make a foggy decision you might have the possibility of regretting? esp cuz you said you've never rly talked before! he seemed kinda pushy for it to happen and idk if he was as equally drunk as you but UM JUST BE CAREFUL OF THE POWER DYNAMIC like ahhhhh i don't want you to be taken advantage of or anything!

i definitely understand wanting to chase that high of being in the moment. but you have his number so you can easily text him and establish more ground. like maybe he was interested in you pre sleep over and yknow "liquid courage" so you two had more initiative to talk! but yeah overall i think your friends made the right call! it's okay to be shy and it's normal to get looser when you drink!! obviously don't rely on alcohol as a crutch to gain confidence but yeah if you think it's worth pursuing then texting him won't hurt!

[leejenowrld]

oh i see!!! thats great advice actually bc when i ask most of my friends who r around the same age group as me, they typically tell me the same things so its great to hear from someone slightly older!!

maybe i just need to wait to mature completely before i date again 😵‍💫 i started dating guys abt the same age as u started dating ur bf, and its crazy & admirable to me how u guys navigated the ups and downs of growing up tgt, bc for me i definitely noticed that change (in terms of growing up) is also a huge factor that affects how my relationships turn out! or maybe its the difference in environment, i live in asia and i’m def not implying anything but having to take a whole lot of national exams this year has really taken a toll on my current relationship and i feel myself losing feelings everyday and honestly i don’t even know why 🥹

i feel horrible for my bf bc i lowk almost don’t want to be in a rs anymore w him as i don’t rly feel the attraction to him but i still care deeply abt him so i’m super lost atm esp since we agreed to wait until ive finished my exams to sort everything out! if u have any advice too that would be great but absolutely no pressure!!!!

and i also want to ask how u split time between ur interest in nct and ur relationship, bc i recently got back into the dreamies after a 2 year break to cope with the stress of my exams and ive realised its kinda hard for me to juggle fangirling and a rs at the same time esp since i keep up with jeno jaemin and jisung 🙂‍↕️

sorry for the rambling!!!!!! i js find that u give great advice 💘

thank you! i try to give good, meaningful advice lol. i might get honest here but don’t take anything to heart <3 i just wanna help as much as i can lol. and why do i feel so old omg 😭 damn how young are you? i hope you’re not a minor… i still feel like a teenager so like

and yeah i feel like relationships you defo need to compromise and mature. two very important, vital things. and yes <3 growing up, so many ups and downs but we managed to get past them!! and true but i feel like when your foundation is so strong then it becomes stronger than the change, i defo feel like me and my bf have been through so much together so we can handle so much.

and oh :( yeah that is a super sad situation. honestly idk what advice i could give cus i’ve never really been in that position before. me and my bf did break up once but we still loved each other, we only broke up cus i was going through so much and everything was so much but we got together again because we never stopped loving each other, if anything our love grew. so like if you’re even doubting that you have feelings for him then i’d say it isn’t a good sign, as you should be sure and confident on it, you know? i feel kinda bad for him ngl cus you said he’s sweet right? 😭 i forgot but yeah don’t break his heart 💔 just be honest and communicate and do whats best for you and him. falling out of love is hard but tbh as i said, always go with your heart! don’t force things as it will end up hurting the two of you more. but maybe you’re just stressed about exams and stuff so i’d wait until they finish then have a really good think about what you want to do and communicate well!!

also i’m ngl i don’t really get that 😭 i feel like i don’t need to split anything because my interest in nct doesn’t take up much at all? and if it comes down to anything, i will always prioritise and five more attention to my boyfriend over anything lol. like yeah, i love jeno, i’m a casual fan of them, but i’m definitely not as deep into them as i used to be. at the end of the day they’re idols, people i don’t know, i can’t trust them or act like i know them (eg proved by the whole taeil situation) so like yeah i don’t force myself to watch all the content and keep up with everything, that’s unnecessary and boring, i only watch and listen to what’s worth my time. i feel like stanning/being into a group defo isn’t a full time job and should only be treated like a hobby 😭 like idk you can fangirl but there can be limits and levels, like you have a life and education and your social life etc, your love for nct (imo) should just be something that’s more casual yk

[strawberryseeded]

veryveeeeeeeery personal vent :P

2day a had a HUGE breakdown ….ha.ha… of course it was abt my job. n my health.

i got out of work (after one of the WORST days in a long time) TEAR EYED n sniffling like stupid. started walking 2 get off sum steam .or something. walked (sobbing) til reaching the more commercial street n was like i deserve smt nice !! so i bought some air-dry clay. sobbed inside the store also (trying rly hard to actually keep my cool. it just was impossible). but got the clay. yay. got out n sobbed some more while walking. saw sum cute tees on a store window. thought i deserve this too !!!! is the money worth it if i feel like this????? no way in hell!!!!!!!!!!! but im Trying to make it worth it!!!!! rly cute tees btw, i ended up buying both of them 👍they were soooo cheap<3 *sobbing again as i write this! * *

pics of the tees :)

i actually couldnt find a pic of the chocolate one but its similar to the one i put here. just cooler(?)

anyways

when i got home 4 the 1st time i vented 2 my friends abt part of it, how tired and worried i was n they immediatly were like brother this is clearly somatization at play..,n i was likee hehe yeah maybe :P *keeps crying *

my mom got home sum hrs later, i broke down in front of her as wellll.......i was like mom this isnt normal this yr i got sick SIX TIMES since i started working, one time after another. i hv NEVER gotten sick so many times before tell me im not crazy n you are thinking the same as i am. she was like what do you mean. i answered MY JOB my job its getting me sick. she said you dont know that. maybe they arent related you werent sick last year and you had the same job. and what are you gonna do if not this, anyways? have you thought about it? i said No (crying) bc i HAD thought abt it, several times since last yr, but absolutely NOTHING has come to mind since then. which is the important part & what she was asking anyways.

i told her im not asking you to fully support me until i find another job. i just need you to agree with me that this isnt NORMAL.

her: you need to go to the clinic. get some studies done. go to therapy. then we'll talk. you can't quit your job, what are you gonna do in the meantime?

me: i dont Know!!! that's whats freaking me OUT!!! * SOBS AND SOBS*

her: well then TAKE THE NECESSARY STEPS to know what are you gonna do!

me: i get it but i can't stand to keep getting sick anymore!!

in the end we both went to the farmacy n she bought me a shitton of vitamins and cough syrup etc etc.

sighs.

idk

im so lost. i was so set on "enduring and search for smt else in the meanwhile".. it seemed like the perfect plan!!! but apparently the enduring part was... way harder than what i expected? (as u can see the search. did not bear fruits) which makes me feel really really pathetic ;_;

in general my job makes me feel rly pathetic and vulnerable and like im not cut for it!!! (and keep in mind i went to SCHOOL for it. it was my choosen career!!!) that's why everytime i talk abt it here im so vague abt it n just say i hate it or that it tires me out a lot, or that im gonna kms one of these days(lol) . irl its kinda the same i just try to sound more positive and like im a normal, functional member of society even tho i dont feel like that At all. bc if I dont its just SAD.

where was i going w this....

god. idk. i just. i fantasize everyday abt quitting. everyday. but i just cant. i feel so alone and useless, both when im working and also off the clock bc i just cant help but drag with me everything i think & feel abt the "worker me" everywhere i go.

wouldnt want anyone i love to ever feel this way.

anyways. u hv NO IDEA how much my eyes sting rn, they hv all day. idk if its bc i cried so much.. also im still sick so im rly rly tired..:( so im just gonna stop now.

i still have hope and dreams, despite it all! i just hv 2 yet find the way to turn them into reality.

[adalanaisdying]

Rant

~

~

Tell me why whenever someone tells me they like me or whatever they immediately get so ugly to me and I start being repulsed by them

Like wtf is wrong with me ????

This is specifically men tho btw i haven’t experienced this w women but no I am not a lesbian so don’t start. Im pan.

But Fr like, im kinda talking to this guy I met on tinder and im now like super annoyed and slowly getting repulsed by him?? Which is interesting cuz usually it’s immediately but maybe it’s slower cuz I swiped right after initially finding him decently attractive ? Idk.

Idk it’s so complicated. Like I could psychoanalyze it and stuff but I literally just ??? Like idk. I don’t have the mental energy to try and figure out another behaviour of mine on my own in my head.

But overall I think it’s a mix of a few things—- the first being that I feel like none of the people around me are good enough for me or like, I’m just straight up not attracted to anyone in my life rn. And so it’s like when someone confesses feelings for me I’m like, sorry what?? U think you’re good enough to be with me??? And Ik that’s not a good trait but I legit dk how to stop it. But I also think like, it’s not the worst thing in the world for me? Cuz I have a rly RLY bad history of being with people who are so shitty and not good enough for me and etc etc and this is kinda like me realizing my own worth in a way?? I just wish I could be less gross and toxic about it. The second thing is that I feel like I need to be with someone very obviously hotter and better than my ex. Because I feel the need to prove my worth and that I’m not his anymore by doing exceptionally better than him. Which tbh is legit anyone given the fact that he a nearly middle aged pedophile broke coke addict. But still. Idk. I have this weird image/idea of him in my head I can’t kick because of shit. And ig that’s why I feel like no one is better than him ig. And also that I compare legit everyone and everything to him even though he’s a literal sack of shit. The third I think is that I just don’t want to be in a relationship rn maybe?? Like I’m happy by myself. Like yeah it would be really nice to have someone and sex and everything but I feel like I’m just in a spot rn where I just like, don’t want to focus on dating or even have the energy to do that. And I also really don’t want to meet someone online cuz god it’s so hard and such a confidence killer cuz everyone on there just wants one mf thing like 99% of the time and if they don’t I’m not attracted to them. But legit always the second I start focusing on myself a million ppl always find their way into my life and catch feelings etc and I’m just like … what???? Idfk man. But also I feel like I just don’t have the emotional capacity rn to have strong romantic feelings for someone? Like I’ve almost forgotten what it feels like to genuinely like someone. So I guess I’m just super horny and rly want sex. But I’m also not gonna go have a one night stand or fuck someone random etc cuz I only have one body and it’s my pedo ex and it took me a YEAR of his shit to finally sleep with him so I’m like, yeah that’s not gonna work for me. To have sex I need to be in love with someone deadass. And with them long term. This is so fucking annoying. But also whatever it’s not rly that big of a deal I’m just super annoyed by it all.

[tequatls-favorite-spoon]

ok. i have been Thinking about onyx’s relationships. and i’m pretty decided now that she’s gonna be poly, mostly bc she works so well with so many characters, and also they all look so cute together <3 but now i’m trying to figure the like. timeline of things??? and hoo boy

i’ll make the full timeline in a separate post, but i’ll sum up stuff real quick here. onyx was in love with trahearne, tragically that didn’t work out cuz he died rip. she’s real sad for a while, so she ignores the beginnings of some feelings for braham and caithe. after kralk, she and canach have a brief and casual fling, and then onyx ends up falling for jayrim while hanging out in elona. they eventually have to split up, especially with onyx having to leave elona and jayrim wanting/having to stay. during ibs, onyx’s old crush on braham pretty much punches her in the face. when he becomes primordus’ champ, onyx is SUPER worried about him. when she finds him alive after the fight, she gets rly emotional, like telling him how much she cares about him and stuff. she knows her feelings are more than a lil crush now, but refrains from making a move bc braham needs some time to recover (both physically and emotionally). in eod, caith and onyx have some real cute moments as aurene’s moms, i think jayrim pops up again with the corsairs here, and i really like the idea of onyx asking out braham after the engagement party. the big issue now though, is that i feel like caithe and onyx should have started dating after onyx and jayrim dated, but before onyx has her big Feelings Epiphany with braham at the end of ibs. that basically just leaves me with ibs as the timeframe, which is rough bc i don’t think caithe shows up during ibs at all?

ok. so. i’ve thought of two options rn. one: onyx meets up with caithe after leaving elona, and that’s when they start dating. two: they spend time together in the eye of the north and end up dating

this got. really long lol. so my rambling is below the cut! ur welcome lol. also if u just wanna see what i ended up going with, i put a silly lil diagram at the bottom o7

option one works, but i feel like onyx would have left elona bc of the start of ibs? like she leaves because she has to go to the charr rally thing. i guess maybe she could’ve still had time to swing by the grove and hang out with caithe? but idk. i could just make up some other reason that onyx had to leave, like maybe her family or something? ok, that has some promise!

option two feels a bit more possible to me, but i’m also not super sure how much caithe was at eotn during ibs. also, there was a lot of war stuff happening so idk if they would’ve had time for dating?

ok i’m kinda leaning towards option one now… like, onyx gets contacted by her family that they need her to come back for like a wedding, or to celebrate an achievement of one of her siblings? one’s trying to be a minister, one’s in the seraph, and another one is a priest, so any one of them could have done something cool enough to warrant onyx going back to see them. (also i promise i didn’t forget jasper, around this point in time he’d too busy partying to do anything worth onyx coming home for lol) so with onyx going back, she says that while it’ll be a long time, she’ll come back to elona afterwards! or, if jayrim wanted to… she could come with? and jayrim tells her that this has been great, and she loves onyx and all, but she can’t stop being a corsair. and onyx can’t stop being the commander. either way, this isn’t gonna work out forever, so… maybe it’s best if they end it now. and so they agree to break up but they’re both sad about it :(

so then maybe onyx and caithe starts as a kind of rebound thing? like they run into each other, and start hanging out. and hm! she’s feeling some things! onyx thinks back to their talks together as they took care of bb aurene, and now that she thinks about it, she might have had some feelings for caithe at the time? and these current weird feelings feel a lot like those?? wait has she been kinda in love with caithe this whole time??? and then they start dating :3c

also, i think onyx and caithe would talk about braham during or after ibs? bc like, i want onyx to be kinda freaking out over her feelings for braham, but i don’t want her to be kind of cheating on caithe :/ so maybe they have a convo early on about like, possibly being a poly/open relationship? i could see onyx thinking about this since she just had that whole thing with jayrim, so maybe at the time she’d be kinda hoping to get back together someday? either way, i feel like caithe would be pretty open to it, cuz i’m sure sylvari aren’t that monogamous. i feel like caithe would just want onyx to run it by her before she adds somebody yknow? and she’d run it by onyx if she liked anyone! tho i don’t think she would? i think caithe wouldn’t really be looking for another partner. like, i think caithe would like a monogamous relationship, but she’s also ok with a poly one, especially if they keep up good communication and that onyx doesn’t like, forget about her or something. yeah. i think that the idea they’d have for their relationship at first is that caith would be dating onyx, who would also be dating braham, and then also jayrim. but then caithe and jayrim would start dating eventually too :)

OH ALSO!!! i could always add yao…. bc im Love Them. and i could see them dating onyx and braham… oohhhhhhh that’s so cuteeeee….. lol and then the polycule is two triangles, which is kinda fun!

ok tldr ig. the polycule is eventually gonna be this: caithe is dating jayrim and onyx, who are dating too, and onyx is also dating braham and yao, who also are dating too :3c here is a diagram

[magnoliamyrrh]

How do you deal with self-harm urges?

(tw talk of different things ive used to self harm)

i still struggle with it a lot of times still, with the urges that is, and every once in awhile i do relapse (sometimes less sometimes really bad), but thankfully ive been able to go months on end without doing it, or i think sometimes like a year and a half or maybe more? i started cutting when i was 12, so frankly im a bit impressed w myself for the times ive been able to stop after so many years. ive found thankfully that the longer you go without, the more the urges to keep doing it go down

and uhhh idk. several things i guess?

sometimes (often if its rly bad) ill scratch myself w my nails (not drawing blood just irritating the skin and it kinda hurts) and sometimes that makes it go away, its enough pain to calm me down without permanent damage. i know ppl say to use icecubes and ive tried a couple of times but it really doesn't work for me - glad it does for others. uhm ill try to go take really hot showers until i calm down, that tends to work. sometimes ill try to just,,,,, this may sound stupid but if something in particular triggers me and i feel the urge, i try to remain either physically paralized or try to distract myself w anything until it passes; harder said than done. listening to loud music in headphones also kinda helps w that sometimes. every once in awhile ill try to do something like tear apart paper or some other thing and sometimes that does something?

and tbh this isnt good but smoking cigarettes makes me do it a bit less. but like Do Not Do This, i actually consider cigarettes to be a MUCH Much worse form of self harm than a lot of cutting. because end of the day if youre careful, cutting leaves you with scars only. cigs can absolutely wreck your health long term and its a horrible addiction. just because its more socially acceptable than cutting doesnt mean its not more dangerous; ive actually had plenty of psychs and therapists agree w me on this one

hmm. ill try to go for a walk, if i can, until the worse of the urge passes. or alternatively i will go and drive around aimlessly listening to music until they pass. sometimes if the urge isnt super super strong, i also find that it helps to draw - ive been using vent art as a way to cope for years, and sometimes drawing cuts or scars on a representation of myself gets that urge a little bit out of me

....... i feel like doing psychadelics really helped me do this less and quit many times - they make you not really wanna hurt yourself and love yourself and take care of yourself better, while also dealing w the underlining issues and mechanisms which lead to the urge in the first place

....i try to keep in mind that it doesnt truly help. its not worth it. maybe it gives some temporary satisfaction or release, but it doesnt Really help. its a vicious cycle you enter in many times, when you start disliking yourself even more for cutting and feel even worse, and then you cut yourself again over that...... i try my best to keep in mind that punishing myself like that doesnt help anything and that i dont deserve it, and i try to keep in mind that taking out my emotional pain or frustration like that on myself doesnt really help either.... long term, it will just make it worse - and is that really what i want?

its good to learn too, how to not put yourself down for cutting once you do it or relapse, bc that just leads to spiraling. it happened, its okay, it is what it is, no need to feel bad over it or start throwing insults at yourself over it...... its hard, but it helps to try to be gentle with yourself

...something else that helps me do it less too at times is that lol, i have chronic pain. i am already in pain all the time - do i really want to add more on top of that? havent i had enough of the pain?........sometimes when ive relapsed its been a way to cope with the pain actually, to have control over when and how i feel pain and to feel a different kind of pain but.... tbh, after doing that enough times i just got fed up with it. pain is pain, and most days of my life i have plenty of it to deal with anyway..... also figured out that if i cut too much, it sets my nervous system on fire and it makes my chronic pain worse, so that's also a reason to not do it

.... i also try to not keep things i can cut with in the house - meaning that if i Really want to, ill have to drive to the store to buy blades, which i think is a good way to give yourself some time to maybe calm down or snap out of it or change your mind. Theres times when the urge is so strong and i just say fuck it and go buy them, but it takes more time and commitment to do that. This helped me bc theres been many times when i would have very likely cut if i had access to them, but bc i didnt and i didnt wanna do it bad enough to warrant a drive, i ended up not doing it....... this also works bc i dont personally cut with knives (even with the sharpest knives ive never been able to do it consistently and properly enough to feel satisfying, and i think my weak muscles and joints make it harder for me in particular, so i cant rly use them), meaning i have to rely on either pencil sharpener blades, or actual razor blades...... sometimes i think its better to buy pencil sharpeners bc, again, they make it harder (you have to take the time to take the pencil sharpener apart and take the blade out, and these blades go dull a lot quicker than razor blades - so the first one gives you more time to think it through and maybe stop and not do it, while the other one means you wont be able to do as much damage for as long of a time bc it will become harder and harder to cut)......... i also used to, when i was younger, cut with shaving razors (like the ones for legs) but this is something i grew out of because i really dont like the stinging and way it cuts the skin,,, so; yea, i think not keeping a supply of cutting things in the house helps a lot of times

..... sometimes its the dissociation that helps me, but thats not really something everyones brain does. but you can try to think of yourself as, lets say, your friend - if your friend felt like how you feel in that moment and wanted to cut, would you want them to? what would you tell them, how would you comfort them, and what would you suggest they do instead?

idk if any of this was helpful at all, sorry, but yea;; i think a combination of all of those things have helped me to quit many times, and... it really does get easier to not do it and to not think abt it as often the longer you go without doing it. also, sometimes it does help to call a hotline! not always, but ive done it a handful of times (mainly for combination of suicide + sh urges), and there were indeed times when i came across v caring and understanding ppl which helped talk me down - so this may be an option to think abt. id also say if you can, calling a friend can be helpful, its something ive done too

and pls, if youre gonna keep cutting dont put yourself down over it, but be careful 🌸 always clean whatever youre using to do it before and afterwards with either soap or alcohol, always check if theres rust on it and never use something that has rust or metal of a weird colour, and after you wash them, make sure they are dry and store them in a place which is dry. or better - throw them out. always clean your wounds afterwards with warm water, and when youre able to handle it later with soap and water so they dont get infected. and its best to cover up deeper cuts so they can heal better with bandaids or medical gauze. and please please dont cut in areas where there are a lot of important and sensitive veins and tendos (like the inner wrist) - even if youre being careful, you dont want to take the risk of damaging something important like that. and please, if it ever gets rly out of hand and its not closing up, its too deep, or it gets infected, go to a doctor or a medical facility near you

.... and.. try to be gentle with yourself 💗 its really hard but its important. and if youre trying to quit, ask why it is you cut in the first place (bc pain calms you down, control, masochism, a way to get out overwhelming emotions, comfort, a cry for help or attention, self punishment etc etc), and try to find a way to work on whats driving the cutting in the first place, or to find a less harmful way to achieve a similar goal - i think thats something that helped me long term

take care of yourself and be careful 🌺 and if its something u struggle w youself, know that it is possible to stop and that it does get easier

[cunninghamchrissie]

hoooo boy i have so many thoughts on this to the point that i need a read more cut lmao

my hc is that, yeah, she's not a virgin, but jason isn't rly invested in her pleasure. maybe they haven't gone all the way bc "good girls save themselves for marriage and only dirty sluts put out before", but he's convinced her to go down on him, and at a certain point she just does it unprompted bc the sooner he finishes, the sooner he'll stop touching her (bc he'll try to touch her while they're making out, but it doesn't do much for her and ends up feeling uncomfortable after a while)

between having an ed (which destroys your libido, just physiologically speaking, not to mention the body image issues and mental stuff that totally affect your sex drive too) plus her daily abuse from her mom and her religious trauma idk that chrissy even masturbates. she'll feel the urge every now and then, but she doesn't know how to and gets in her head abt it and stops halfway. she's maybe finished a couple times, but felt so bad about it, and like everyone at school could tell what she's done, so the guilt ends up not being worth it.

eddie's not a virgin, but sex has lacked any and all emotional connection for him, which i feel like he'd be ok with? i don't see 20 yo eddie struggling w that.

when they get together they have many hurdles bc first of all, chrissy thought it was bad enough she was having sex w jason, but now she's gonna have sex w another guy? that's super slutty, right? but that's smth she works out on her own, bc some of her cheerleader friends have had sex with different guys, and she doesn't think they've changed or turned into bad ppl bc of it. and esp bc she's crazy abt eddie and he's obvs crazy abt her too, it helps her get away from that mentality a bit.

eddie's horny and now that he's experienced sex w someone he actually has an emotional connection with, his mind's been kinda blown and he just wants it all the time, and chrissy's been taught that good girlfriends are always available for their boyfriends, so she'll do it even when she's not rly feeling it, and when eddie realizes it he feels like shit and disgusting like he's taken advantage of her (and it doesn't help that ppl around town would prob be saying the same stuff abt him too) so the first thing they work on together kind of urgently is communication.

so that's maybe where kinks would be introduced bc eddie will just straight up not touch chrissy sexually if she doesn't say it with her words that she wants him to, but she's even quiet when they do it (bc, again, she doesn't want to sound like a slut or like those women in porn that she's caught jason watching a couple times, and he told her he was only watching so he could look for signs that chrissy was turning into one of those dirty women, screaming like the devil was in them or smth). so they'll start with super tame dirty talk, eddie just talking her ear off bc he obvs can't ever shut up, and urging chrissy to make any noise, talk back, and at first she'll just reply and try not to let her face burn off in shame, but they work up to chrissy actually naming body parts out loud and saying what she wants, but even then it's only when she's already super keyed up. she's still struggling to say it outside of that context, although she's better with physically guiding eddie to doing what she wants him to do. and that's especially helpful too bc chrissy can't finish for the longest time, and of course eddie thinks he's the problem, he's forced her into doing it and that's why she can't finish, and chrissy thinks she's the problem, simultaneously thinking she's broken and also a small part of her not wanting to finish lest she turn into one of those sluts screaming. so with her learning to be more vocal, she also learns to touch herself, be on top, let eddie go down on her etc.

body image would be an issue too, but i feel like on a lesser level. it'd start w chrissy not wanting to get fully undressed, only doing it in the dark, stuff like that, but between eddie running his mouth bc he can't help it and just touching her everywhere esp during sex (including her stomach and thighs, including and maybe esp when she starts gaining weight in recovery from her ed) it ends up rly helping her. it's not ideal to let your body image hang on how someone else feels abt your body but we all do it, and it's more common to start to feel ok abt how you look bc your partner is into it than just starting on your own

eddie's got the magazines and handcuffs and he likes "weirder" stuff and i think after the first great hurdles they'd def try some stuff, but at the end of the day i just see them as being so vanilla (which is not a bad thing!!!). the most i can see sticking is dd/lg, spanking and/or choking, light tying up (so nothing like shibari or anything)

i think the one thing that would be completely off limits would be degradation. i know it works for some ppl precisely bc of the trauma but i just don't see it esp in a vecna universe. eddie just wants to protect her and chrissy's love language is words of affirmation, bc it's exactly what she lacked the most growing up, so being reassured and complimented is what gets her going and she would for sure take it to heart if eddie said anything bad even in a made up scenario.

curious about what other hellcheers think of the way chrissy's relationship with sex, fantasy and kink would evolve over the course of her life with eddie. from a standpoint of her starting out not necessarily a virgin, but having not had good sex before. i accidentally started writing a fic exploring this, where i'm kinda tracing the path of her voicing her interests and things she's curious to try with eddie. she starts with asking to watch him jerk off, which she haltingly turns into mutual masturbation (which ends with her upset and crying because she can't get herself off and she's so scared there's something wrong with her).

would love to hear anyone else's thoughts on this, especially if anyone has very specific headcanons about things chrissy would or wouldn't like.