#like i've told shae

[fazcinatingblog]

A client paid about $11k today and my boss rings me complaining why he only paid two invoices and not the rest

[runningincircl3s]

Sinematic

Vinny Mauro x Reader

Chapter 2

chapter warnings: mentions of pregnancy? this chapter is a whole rollercoaster

it's taking all the strength i have to stick to posting once a week, i have like 15 chapters of this fic just WAITING to be posted :') also i've combined two chapters into one here so it's pretty long!! happy monday bffs! <3

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t had been three days since you got home. Three days of ignoring Angela and Shae’s messages, letting their calls go unanswered. Three days of pretending that if you shut out the world, maybe, just maybe, it would all go away.

But it didn’t.

You curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket that swallowed you whole, an old show playing in the background, something comforting, something familiar, just so you weren't in silence.

Because your mind wasn’t on the screen. It was on your phone, which you kept checking every few minutes, fingers twitching before you even realised what you were doing. You were paranoid, expecting to see your name all over twitter again, afraid someone may have recognised you in the drugstore, your worst nightmare playing out in real-time. But so far… nothing.

It was beginning to get dark out now, it must've been getting late. With a sigh, you pushed yourself up, stretching as you made your way to the kitchen. Maybe making dinner would help you feel normal again.

Then came a knock at your door.

You froze.

Who could it be?

You assumed Angela? Or Shae? You wouldn’t put it past them to show up unannounced, especially if you haven't spoken to them in a few days. But something in your gut twisted, telling you this was different.

You hesitated before opening the door. And when you did your stomach dropped.

“So when were you gonna tell me? Or was I just supposed to find out from someone else?” Vinny's voice was rough, edged with exhaustion. The dark circles under his eyes made it clear he hadn’t been sleeping. There was a look of fear in his dull, tired eyes that made your heart hurt in your chest.

“What are you talking about?” You asked, swallowing hard.

“Justin told me.” He exhaled sharply, rubbing a hand over his face. “...Can I come in?”

You stepped aside, barely processing as he walked past you. His hoodie and sweatpants were speckled with rain, and you forgot the elevator in your building was broken, meaning he would've had to walk up four flights of stairs to reach your apartment.

“Why are you here, Vin?” You asked, your voice cracking from days of silence.

“I was just gonna text you.” His hands curled into fists at his sides as he shook his head. “But I couldn’t. I needed to see your face. I needed to see you to know if it’s true.”

“Whatever you think is true, Vin... It isn’t.”

“So you’re not pregnant?”

The words hit like a knife straight to the chest.

“Well?” His voice softened. “Are you?”

“I don’t know.” It came out barely above a whisper. You forced yourself to look up at him. “When did you find out?”

“Justin texted me a few nights ago.” Vinny pulled out his phone, thumb swiping across the screen before turning it toward you.

You barely skimmed the message before muttering,

“Bastard.”

That earned you a small, tired smile from him.

“I don’t know if I am, Vin,” you admitted, voice raw. “And I don’t want to know.”

Vinny inhaled sharply.

“Well, we can't just ignore this, y/n. Do you need to get a test? I can run to the store for you-”

“I have one.” The words felt heavy. “I bought one on the way home from Shae’s… I left it in my car.”

“Where are your keys?”

You pointed to the bowl on the bookshelf, watching as he grabbed them without hesitation.

“What are you doing?” You asked as he turned and headed for the door.

“What do you think?” He asked as he turned back to face you. “Ever since I found out, I haven't slept, I haven't eaten, it's been the only thing I could think about for days. So please, I just need to know.”

You didn’t bother fighting him on it, you just let him go.

Leaving the door slightly open, you sank back onto the couch, your fingers fidgeting with the edge of the blanket draped over your lap.

Vinny was the last person you were expecting to be at your door tonight, but something about him seemed different. He almost didn't look like the same person. He looked exhausted, an empty shell of who he once was. Not the same Vinny you first met, the one whose eyes were bright, always a hint of something playful in them, the one who never failed to.

You missed the Vinny you once knew.

“I got it.” He said as he returned, shutting the door behind him.

“Thanks.”

He set the bag down on the coffee table but didn’t move away from it. Instead, he lingered there, staring at the box almost like it might disappear if he blinked.

“So why haven’t you taken it yet?” He finally asked. “You said you bought it on the way home from Shae’s, you've had all this time-”

“Because I’m scared, Vinny.”

His expression softened, like he wasn’t expecting you to admit it so easily.

“Why?”

You exhaled, your eyes meeting his as you spoke.

“If I ever had kids, I wanted it to be on my own terms. I wanted to be married first, have a house, have a stable income, a job I love… And I never wanted it to be an accident.”

Vinny nodded slowly, taking in your words as he sat down beside you.

“I get that.”

A heavy silence settled between you both before he reached out, his fingers grazing yours before taking your hand fully. His palm was warm, grounding.

“We don’t know if you are… or not,” he said. “But whatever happens, I’ll be here, okay? If you want to keep it, if you don’t, I won’t let you do this alone.”

His voice was quiet but certain. You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat as you reached for the bag. You took the test from the box, staring at it like it held the weight of the world.

Vinny picked up the box and studied it, his brows furrowing.

“Okay, so you just, uh, pee on the stick, I guess? Then wait three minutes.”

You huffed a small, dry laugh.

“Yeah, thanks for the tutorial, Dr. Mauro.”

"Anytime" He chuckled quietly.

You rolled your eyes and pushed yourself off the couch, feeling his presence at your back as you made your way to the bathroom. He stopped outside while you went in, the test feeling impossibly heavy in your hand.

Minutes later, you stepped out, leaving the test on the counter, your stomach twisting itself into knots.

“I set a timer,” Vinny said, holding up his phone. “Three minutes.”

You nodded and sank down beside him on the couch, your knee knocking against his.

“How do you feel about this?” You asked, voice hesitant.

He shrugged.

“I don’t really know…”

“If I keep it, what do you think would happen?”

Vinny let out a slow breath, leaning back, his arm draping over the back of the couch.

“I’d want to support you. I’d want to be involved… Even if I’d probably be the world’s worst dad.”

“Hey,” you frowned. “Why would you be the worst?”

“I don’t know what to do with kids.” He laughed, shaking his head. “They’ve never really been my thing. I still feel like a kid myself, how the fuck am I supposed to raise one?”

You studied him for a moment before nudging his leg with your foot.

“I think you’d be great. I know they’d grow up to be funny like you. They’d admire you. You'd be the cool dad!”

Vinny scoffed.

“You think?”

“Yeah.” You smiled. “They’d think you’re so cool. I’d show them videos of you on stage and be like, ‘Look, that’s your dad.’ I can imagine a little Vinny running around, with your curls, your eyes... They’d want to be just like you. And you could teach them how to play the drums, just like your dad did. We'd surprise you on tour, following you around, it'd make great family vacations.” You chuckled as your words trailed off, realising just how carried away you’d gotten. You shuffled over on the couch, bringing yourself back to reality. “How much longer?”

Vinny glanced at his phone.

“A minute.”

His voice wavered slightly, and when you turned to look at him, you saw the unshed tears in his eyes.

Your chest ached.

Scooting closer, you wrapped an arm around him.

“We don’t have to keep the baby. There are so many options-”

“I know.” He nodded quickly, clearing his throat. “I just… I never really thought about it the way you have.”

“What do you mean?”

“A baby. Our baby.” He exhaled sharply. “A little human, made half from you, half from me.”

You let his words settle, your heart pounding in your chest.

“Well… yeah. That’s usually how it works, Vin.” You gave him a small smile.

He let out a weak chuckle, shaking his head.

Before he could say anything else, the timer on his phone went off.

Your breath hitched.

You locked eyes for a moment, a silent understanding passing between you. Then, without a word, you got up.

You picked up the test from the bathroom counter, gripping it tightly in your trembling hand as you walked back to Vinny. You held it face-down, unable to look at it, unable to look at him. You were completely on edge, your stomach twisting into knots, knowing this could change your life forever. You placed the test on the coffee table and sat down beside him, your legs shaking, hands clammy.

“Have you looked?” He asked carefully, quietly.

You shook your head, exhaling shakily.

“Can you?”

“Yeah. Of course.” He nodded.

He reached for the test, swallowing hard as he turned it over in his hands. His eyes scanned the result, his breath hitching slightly.

“I think it said two lines means positive, and one means negative, so…”

“So what is it?” You searched his face, your heart pounding as he hesitated.

“There’s…” His voice faltered as his body went rigid. He blinked a few times before finishing, “There’s one line.”

A pause.

“It’s negative, y/n.”

Something in his tone caught your attention, it sounded like disappointment?

Your brows furrowed as you leaned forward, gently taking the test from his hands to see for yourself.

He wasn’t lying.

It was negative.

Relief flooded your chest first, the breath you hadn’t realised you were holding escaping in a shaky exhale. But alongside that relief, there was something else. Something unexpected. A strange, hollow feeling settling in your stomach.

You weren’t pregnant.

You should be happy, right? This was what you wanted. So why did it feel like something inside you had been ripped away before you even had the chance to fully grasp it?

“Well…” Vinny finally broke the silence, his voice quieter than before. “...I guess I’ll be leaving.”

Your head snapped up, confusion flickering in your eyes.

“Why?”

“Because it’s negative, y/n. There’s no other reason for me to be here.”

You frowned as he pushed himself up from the couch, already making his way toward the door.

“Stay for dinner,” you blurted out before you could think about it. “I’m having spaghetti and meatballs...”

He stopped, his back still turned to you.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t?” You scoffed, standing up. “Vinny, please. I don’t know why you keep acting like this!”

He let out a long sigh, his fingers tightening around his keys. For a second, you thought he’d leave anyway, that he’d walk out of your life just like that. But then, slowly, he turned around. His expression was guarded, but his eyes searched yours like he was trying to figure something out. Like he was trying to decide if staying would be a mistake.

“Just stay for dinner... Please?” you pleaded softly. “Then you can leave, and you’ll never have to see me again if that’s what you really want.”

He lingered in silence, his gaze flickering between you and the door. Then, finally, he sighed, dropping his keys back onto the table.

“You know spaghetti and meatballs are my favourite.” He murmured, a small, reluctant smile tugging at his lips.

A breath of relief left you as he followed you into the kitchen.

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You and Vin sat opposite each other at the table, the TV playing in the living room for background noise so the two of you weren't sat in complete silence.

“This is really good by the way.” Vin said as he ate a forkful of pasta. 

“Well I’m glad I have the Italian seal of approval.” You chuckle, taking a bite out of a meatball. 

A brief smile tugged at his lips as he twirled his fork through his pasta, hesitating before speaking again.

“So... How have you been?”

“Not been the best," you confessed, "Since coming back, I got my old job back for a while, then quit and started doing photography full time, it's mainly just weddings and stuff, then I went on a blind date, had a pregnancy scare, and that's basically it… What about you?” 

“I’ve not been up to much. Just been trying to get through the days one at a time. It's still hard to get up some mornings but... I manage.”

You tried to ignore the guilt that had been weighing on you since he arrived, but it was starting to get too much for you now.

“I’m sorry.” You frown, twirling your fork around your spaghetti, “I wish things could’ve been different, but I thought I was doing the right thing. For both of us.” 

“Sometimes things happen for a reason.” Vin sighs, “That’s what I've tried telling myself, at least.”

“I hate that saying,” you admitted quietly. “It makes it sound like we never had a choice. Like we were doomed right from the start.”

"Do you think we were?" He asked, his eyes softening.

You bit your lip, hesitating.

“...I don’t know.”

After dinner, you and Vinny worked together in the kitchen, cleaning up after dinner. He took the role of washing, whilst you took the towel and dried. Neither of you spoke, not knowing what to say, but the radio played quietly to fill the silence. There were still a million things left unsaid between the two of you, but neither of you were ready to address it. Not yet, maybe not ever.

You glanced over at him as he rinsed off a plate, his sleeves pushed up, exposing his forearms. As you watched him, you realised it was too easy to fall into your old ways. Too easy to pretend like nothing had changed.

You had to pry your eyes away from him before he noticed.

“So,” he finally said, placing the dish on the drying rack, “What was that blind date like?”

“It was going good until you walked in, he hasn’t wanted to see me again since. He seemed nice though, but he was pretty quiet, and every time I made a joke I didn't think he got it… So I take that back actually, he was kinda boring.”

Vinny chuckled, shaking his head. 

“I’ve ruined you for other men, it seems.” He looked over at you with a playful smirk

“Shut up.” You scoffed, fighting back a smile.

His lips twitched, but then the humour faded, and he turned to face you fully, leaning against the counter as he dried his hands. 

“Would you have told me?” He asked. 

You hesitated. 

“Told you what?”

“If the test was positive. If I didn’t come over tonight. I thought you would’ve told me about it sooner, but because I didn't hear from you at all I just decided to come over... But what would've happened if I didn’t?”

You set the dish towel down, suddenly feeling exposed under his gaze. 

“Of course I would have told you, Vin. It’s not like I would’ve kept it from you. The only reason I didn't reach out was because I just needed some time to process it all- what could've happened.”

He nodded slowly, studying your face as if trying to decide whether to believe you.

You swallowed hard, choosing your next words carefully. 

“Would you have wanted it to be positive? I mean, you seemed almost disappointed earlier...”

His expression shifted. He thought for a moment, before he exhaled and rubbed a hand over his jaw. 

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “For a second… Maybe. I kind of thought about it.”

Your stomach twisted.

“Really... Why?” You asked.

Vinny let out a dry laugh, shaking his head. 

“Because then we’d have to figure this out. Whatever this is.”

“What do you mean?”

He paused for a moment, thinking carefully about his next words.

“I don’t know about you, but I thought I was finally getting over it,” he sighed, “I thought I was over you. But when Justin texted me about this… I don’t know, y/n. Something in me just-” He cut himself off, pressing his lips together.

You took a step closer, your gaze softening. 

“Just what?”

He let out a quiet sigh, looking down at his hands. 

“It just scared me how much I still really cared, despite everything. My first thought wasn’t oh shit I’m not ready to have a kid! It was I hope y/n’s okay, I hope you know I’ll be there for you. I never stopped caring. That’s why I wanted- I needed some distance. I needed to work out what I really felt”

His words warmed your heart, but you could still see he wasn't sure how he really felt.

Neither of you moved, neither of you spoke, unsure what to say to that. You've both had an emotionally heavy day, and you knew you didn't want the night to end like this.

Can't explain all the feelings that you're making me feel,

My hearts in overdrive and you're behind the steering wheel.

You smirked, reaching to turn the volume up on your kitchen radio.

"Oh this is a banger!" Vinny chuckled, nodding his head along as he turned back to the dishes, washing the last plate up.

A memory suddenly surfaced as the song played, one that made you grin.

"I still remember when you and Ryan butchered this song at that party last year." You teased, crossing your arms as you leaned against the counter.

Vinny gasped in mock offense.

"Excuse me?! Ryan I understand, but I performed it with passion!"

"You sounded like a dying cat, Vin."

He narrowed his eyes, a playful glint in them.

"Oh, you wanna talk shit? Fine."

Without warning, he grabbed the dish brush from the sink, shaking the water off before dramatically using it as a microphone.

"Touching youu!"

His voice cracked on purpose, and he threw his whole body into his performance, swaying dramatically.

You burst out laughing.

"Vinny, stop!"

He didn’t.

"Touching meeeeee!"

Now he was pointing at you, his free hand on his chest like he was on stage, completely committing to the bit as he sang and danced, trying to prove his point.

"I believe in a thing called love, justlistentotherhythmofmyheart!"

"Vin!" You couldn't help but burst out laughing as he absolutely destroyed the high notes, not even trying to make it sound good.

For a moment you just watched him as he sang and danced, thinking about how this was the Vinny you remembered. The silly one, the one who wasn't afraid to make a fool of himself, the one who always just wanted to make others laugh.

The one you loved.

You couldn't tell if the tears that pricked your eyes were from laughing too hard, or thinking about how you had missed this. Missed him.

"You're so embarrassing." You smiled as the song finished, and he bowed, thanking the audience.

"And yet," he smirked, breathless from the show he had just put on for you in your kitchen, "You're smiling."

For a moment, the weight in the room lifted.

For a moment, it was just you and Vinny, laughing, like things weren’t so complicated. Like how things used to be.

As the song faded, so did the moment, and Vinny leaned against the counter, watching you. The playfulness had changed into something quieter, something softer.

“It’s getting late,” he murmured, pulling the sleeves of his hoodie back down.

“Yeah,” you nodded, suddenly aware of how close you still were.

He hesitated. 

“Maybe I-”

“Should stay.” You blurted out before you could stop yourself.

Vinny’s brows lifted slightly. You could see the conflict in his eyes.

“I mean,” you added quickly, “It’s late, and it’s kind of a long drive back to your place... You can crash on the couch?”

He paused for a moment, thinking before he nodded.  

“Yeah. Okay, sure.”

You nodded, ignoring the way your heartbeat sped up. 

“I’ll grab you some pillows and a blanket.”

You left the kitchen before you could say anything else, before you could analyse the tension that had been building between you all night.

When you came back, Vinny was already on the couch, scrolling through his phone. You tossed the blanket at him, and he caught it easily, smirking. 

“Thanks.” He smiled. 

That damn smile. 

“No problem… Goodnight.”

You lingered for a second before turning to head toward your bedroom.

“Y/n?”

You stopped, glancing back at him.

His voice was quiet when he spoke.

“Thanks for dinner.”

A small smile tugged at your lips. 

“No problem, thanks for being here for me today... And for the show.”

He smirked, letting his phone rest on his chest as he met your eyes.

"Anytime."

And then you left him there, trying not to think about how right it felt to have him staying the night.

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The sun was peeking through your curtains when you stirred awake. You sat up slowly, rubbing your eyes with a yawn. That's when you realised the apartment was quiet. Too quiet.

He’d done it again.

You slipped out of bed and padded into the hallway, hesitating just before you turned the corner.

But Vinny was still there, sprawled out on the couch, his arm draped over his face. The blanket had been kicked to the floor along with his hoodie, and his shirt had ridden up slightly, exposing the band of his sweatpants and the trail of hair on his lower stomach. His chest rose and fell in steady breaths, and for a moment, you just watched him.

This was the most at peace he’d been at in a long time.

Then, without warning, he shifted, mumbling something incoherent before cracking one eye open. He blinked up at you, groggy and confused.

“Are you watching me sleep?” His voice was rough with sleep, and it sent an annoying shiver down your spine.

“No.” You scoffed, crossing your arms.

He huffed a tired laugh, pushing himself up to sit. 

“Coffee?” You nodded towards the kitchen. 

“Sure.”

You turned, trying not to acknowledge the warmth in your tummy as he stretched with a soft groan behind you.

The two of you moved around the kitchen in quiet sync. You brewed the coffee while Vinny searched the cupboards for a couple mugs.

Once the coffee was poured, you handed him a mug and leaned against the counter, taking a sip. 

“Did you sleep okay?”

Vinny ran a hand through his hair, making it messier than it already was. 

“Yeah I did actually. Your couch is pretty comfy.”

“That’s what all my friends say.” You smile, “I would’ve slept on it and offered you my bed but-”

Vin shook his head. 

“You know I wouldn’t have let you do that.”

“I know. That’s what I thought.” You smile. 

Vinny chuckled softly, shaking his head. But then, after a moment, his expression changed, and he exhaled, looking down at his coffee.

“What happens now?” He asked.

You knew he wasn’t just talking about breakfast.

You gripped your mug a little tighter. 

“I don’t know… What do you want to happen?”

He nodded slowly, as if he expected that answer.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, his voice was quieter this time. “I want us to be friends, y/n. But I don’t know if that’s possible... Not yet.”

Your heart clenched.

“Why not?”

He took one last sip of his coffee, then set the mug down with a quiet clink.

“You know why.”

Something inside you deflated, but you forced yourself to nod.

“Okay… Well, I understand.”

For a second, it looked like he wanted to say something more, but instead, he reached for his keys.

“Thanks for letting me stay. And for dinner.”

You tried to smile.

“Not a problem. You’re always welcome here, Vin.”

You walked him to the door, the air between you thick with unspoken words. When he turned back to look at you, his expression was unreadable, but his eyes...

His eyes said more than his words ever could.

“Take care of yourself, okay?”

You swallowed hard.

“Yeah. You too.”

He hesitated, lingering just a second longer, before offering a small, almost hesitant smile. Then, without another word, he stepped outside.

The door clicked shut behind him, and you leaned against it with a deep sigh.

Get a grip. You told yourself. Vin still wasn’t sure how he felt, and you were willing to give him space until he figured it out. But even as he said he couldn’t be your friend, you knew there was more to it than that.

There were times last night where everything felt normal, proving there was hope for the two of you. There was still something there, it was undeniable.

But could you really just be his friend? If that's what he wanted, you were more than happy to be friends.

You sank onto the couch, exhaling deeply, then paused.

The couch, your blanket and pillows all smelled like him. It was comforting, even if it made your chest tighten.

Your fingers brushed over something soft, and you looked down, realising he’d left his hoodie behind. Of course, that smelled like him too.

You lifted it, pressing the fabric between your fingers, and sighed.

Fuck.

He left two minutes ago, but you were missing him already.

After reaching the bottom of the stairs, Vinny stepped outside, the cold morning air biting against his skin, and he realised he left his hoodie on your couch.

But he couldn't turn back now.

He clenched his jaw, gripping his keys like they could somehow ground him.

This was the right thing to do.

That’s what he kept telling himself as he made his way to his car. If he stayed any longer, who knows what would've happened.

He slid into the driver’s seat, exhaling sharply as he pressed his palms against the steering wheel. His heart was still hammering in his chest, though he wasn’t sure why. Maybe because for the first time in a long time, everything felt normal last night. He was happy for the first time in forever, it was almost like nothing had ever changed.

And that scared the shit out of him.

With a frustrated sigh, he shoved his key into the ignition. But he didn’t move. His hands gripped the wheel tighter, knuckles turning white.

He almost wished the test was positive.

Not because he was ready to be a dad, he was far from ready. But because then he would’ve had a reason to stay. A reason to have you back in his life.

His head fell back against the seat, eyes shutting as he tried to push the thought down. But he couldn’t.

Because as much as he told himself that this distance was for the best, that walking away was the only option, that it would stop him from getting hurt again, it didn’t change the fact that leaving you last time nearly destroyed him anyway.

And now he was doing it again.

But it was easier to run than to face the truth.

With a deep breath, he forced his foot onto the gas, pulling away from your house. But even as he disappeared down the street, the ache in his chest stayed exactly where it was.

----------------------------

@collapsedglasshouses @miss570 @dominuslunae @sunshine-lvrr @death-ofpeace-ofmind @blade-dressed-in-red @amelia-acero @kait16xo @oobleoob @pipidoll this is still a new taglist so if i missed you (i'm sorry!!) or you want to be added please let me know!!

[selenescantina]

To everyone. If you were to have any creature in the galaxy as a pet, what would it be and why?

Selene: I have a few gizkas! They're adorable and I love them! I could list off a number of other creatures I'd love to have as a pet but we'd be here all day!

Oro'a: I wouldn't mind keeping a Rancor. My half-brother has told me that the women of our homeworld, Dathomir; were mastering riding these beasts before we were kidnapped and enslaved.

Zaedesh: I've stated before that I like Tukata's and grew up with them as pets. Although, I've heard Shae and Dedalera mention a Strill before and I'd be interested in having one as a pet.

Dedalera: I want a Strill as well. I'm convinced Torian is planning to get me one for life day, but he's not telling me.

Leyka: I've never had a pet. They are liabilities and weaknesses if you become attached.

Selene: *slides over a datapad saying she's planning on giving Leyka a tooka for Life Day and if she finds out someone blabs, their body won't be found*

Nivirhy: I mean...T7 is my friend but he's also kinda like a pet? He always has that excited and happy demeanor that reminds me of canines.

Sorla: Canines and felines are suitable pets but I personally don't believe that any wild animal should be kept as a pet. I only have this little creature because I don't want anyone eating it. *pets the porg perched on her shoulder*

Teeubo: I want a Vorantikus to scare people with! *chaos gremlin laugh*

Zenahi: I don't have time for pets. If anything, Jorgan counts because he's part cat.

Nivirhy: *Side eyes Zenahi*

Zenahi: What?! He purrs like one!

[arvadthecursed]

7.4 Thoughts under the cut :) spoilers ahead

I wish we'd gotten more substantial dialogue with Rass, even beyond the flirt options. He's such a fun guy, but also deeply loyal.

Petra my beloved. I really did enjoy her -- I thought she was a nice addition, someone who actually knows about Ord Mantell and its people's struggles.

ARN. His flirt dialogue was so sweet I could cry. That is all.

Kessan's Landing is gorgeous btw. So much more lively and interesting than normal Ord Mantell.

I was pretty pleased to see Sa'har show up! I think she's a cool character, and it's cool to finally see her start coming into her own, drawing her own conclusions, and fighting for what she believes, not what someone else told her.

On the note of Force users, though... How come the Jedi didn't come and get Petra???? Did she choose not to go with them when she was younger?? I've only played through with Thali, so why didn't the Consular (and I'm assuming the Knight) offer to take her to Tython to train her?? It especially feels weird on the Consular side, considering how we trained Nadia, who was in a similar predicament with her Force use. Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of Force users not allying with either the Jedi or the Sith -- Amity is one of my favorite companions -- but it felt weird to not even offer, y'know? Or have her comment when you see her using the force, something like "oh, the Jedi wanted me, but I couldn't leave my sister." Just some kind of of explanation would've been nice.

The reputation armor is ugly. I'm sorry. SWTOR devs I know you worked hard, but...

Shae is missing, which leads me to believe we're gonna have to fight her sometime soon. My theory is: she was captured by Heta, and as revenge, Heta used the datacron on her as an experiment. I think Shae is under Heta/the Hidden Chain's influence at this time.

I was very impressed with the facial expressions in this expansion. Coupled with the new lighting, I think that elevated the story a lot.

Anyway, I overall enjoyed this expansion!!

Next expansion please have full romances for at least Rass and Arn, please and thank you.

[crackinglamb]

AO3 wrapped asks!!!

9. Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? 16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? 30. Biggest surprise while writing this year? 3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

Favorite pairing: Looking at if from the perspective of 'had the most fun writing it', Shae Cadash/Varric Tethras. Varric was my first DA love and the vector for what the last four years of my life has been in fandom. I'd drifted away from DA in the last year or so (as evidenced by my return to FO4 and a brief swing into SVM/TB, Dr. Who and FOTV), but Shae stomped into my head, told me she was going to love that dwarf if it killed her, and I didn't stop her. 🤣 I often say that I am not the navigator of my stories, I am merely the narrator.

Most common 'additional tag': Established relationship. My beloved. For me, a story doesn't end at the moment of declaration. I much prefer exploring what happens next. 8 of 17 fics published this year have this tag.

Incidentally, but not coincidentally, this tag is tied for first place with 'explicit sexual content'. Because I'm also an unabashed purveyor of smut. 😏 Let's face it, what happens next is usually they bang about it.

Biggest surprise while writing: *snort That I managed to write as much as I have. I've been pretty burned out, ngl. I finished out 2023 with the completion of two longfics, one of which I'd been working on for two and a half years. The combined total between just those two works is nearly half a million words. I had every intention of taking it easy this year, to rest. And I have, honestly. I'm not pushing myself to be creative and I'm not putting any pressure on myself to deliver. But I still managed to write over half a dozen oneshots and seven chaptered fics, one of which will carry over into next year for posting. (I can see my Angel giving me a knowing look, she knows how I am.)

Work I'm most proud of: Oh, this one's tough. This is like asking me which pairing is my favorite. In 8 years of being on ao3, I have only one singular fic that I'm not proud of. But, with all that said...

Different Animals. Like many others, I fell headlong into Ghoulcy after the show dropped. And, in typical fashion for myself, I started writing things for the pairing before finishing the source material. I had the idea for the oneshot pretty early on, but spent weeks reworking it until it shone (and have continued to edit it since it was posted, but that's another story). It has a good blend of angst and recovery, the layers I'm well known for, and the smut I'm even more well known for.

It wasn't the first thing I wrote for this pairing, but it's arguably the best. And I know this question is supposed to be regardless of metrics, but...the stats on it are impressive to say the least. I'm not the type to seek validation as a form of self worth, but I must say it's gratifying to have something like that out there that is so beloved by so many. I wasn't expecting that, tbh. Figured I'd throw it out into the void and move on with my life. And then the response was so overwhelming I was inspired to write more and now there's a whole series of oneshots for those two in my archive.

Thanks for the asks! 🥰

From this list.

[sparkykatsuki]

i really started a cult that worships katsuki's titties huh 🤧😔

[mvsicinthedvrk]

"As long as we're here, there is!" he immediately argues in response, his voice raising. The clan is its people, the Green Bones, their family; and wherever they are is No Peak, whether that's Janloon or Marenia or beyond Kekon or in Washington. "Are you really that willing to so quickly abandon us again?" He'd thought that when she'd returned, and taken up her jade and her place in the clan, that meant she was going to stick around, not that she would suddenly lose her mind and decide that No Peak doesn't exist or matter anymore just because they've left the city temporarily. "How can you say Kekon doesn't exist. We've lived there! All our ancestors lived there! I know what the maps look like, it's not included," he concedes that point, "but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist!"

Shae always seems to be getting him to try to see reason, but the problem is that they don't see eye to eye on what that 'reason' is. "You think I'm going to make a fool of myself, huh." Hilo shakes his head with a disappointed scoff. "I'm not a quitter, Shae, not like you. If I get myself killed-- which I won't, given that I've never managed to get myself killed before-- that's still better than giving up on my allegiances to the clan. I don't have the luxury of tossing our family's legacy aside," he adds with pointed precision. She might be able to resign her post, fuck off to wherever, get a new job, pretend she doesn't care about jade, but he's the clan leader. The only way he'll abandon his duties to No Peak is through the grave itself. And at this point, there's not even anyone to take over if that were to happen, so therefore it simply can't happen.

But when he mentions their older brother's death, for some gods-forsaken reason she looks as shocked as the day they'd told her to come home, like this is news to her all of a sudden, hissing at Hilo like he's playing some kind of mean-spirited trick. But even as kids he never would have tried to pull something like this. Hilo throws his hands into the air with abandon, in overwhelming frustration. "What do you mean what am I talking about, you know about this, we called you! You were at the funeral!" She knows how much Lan had meant to him-- always looking up to him, seeking his praise, basking in his trust and confidence. Hilo had listened to him (as best as he 'listened' to anyone), and when he would give so few other people the time of day, he'd done everything he could to serve his brother well and to make sure he didn't regret making Hilo his Horn. It hurts beyond measure that Shae would even consider that he'd lie about something like this, and Hilo's stark feelings of betrayal are evident on his face as his voice drops and grows almost hoarse as his anger falls into grief. "You think I would say this if it wasn't true? You think I would wish that on my own brother? I don't know why you don't remember any of it, but to say I just made it up out of the blue is fucked up, Shae."

                       “There is no No Peak here!” For all of Hilo’s complaints and objections, that one fact should be enough to shut him up, let him see reason. Should, because anyone who’s ever had the misfortune of arguing with Kaul Hilo would know that reason alone won’t get you anywhere. Shae knows of this too; she should not be entertaining this, not even by fighting him. Either way, he’ll do as he pleases— the most she can do is ensure he knows she won’t be taking part in it. “You are supposed to find a job, like any other citizen in this place. I’ve already told you this. These people have no need for jade or business connections to Kekon. In fact, I’m not sure Kekon exists at all. I’ve looked for it,” she urges, a new sense of gravity to her voice, reaching her eyes, “it’s not on any maps. Whatever has brought us here is far more powerful than jade, and we know nothing of it.” We— hard as she’d tried, there were still too many blanks to be filled for Shae to be comfortable with, but she at least had managed to navigate the new world and created a somewhat respectable name for herself. No way Hilo was going to mess this up for her. 

So no, a future with a potential connection between Washington and Kekon was not something for her to get excited about. Her mind had already been made up on the matter before her brother had gotten a chance to try and convince her of the opportunities; now, after hearing his arguments, she’s even more convinced that she’d been in the right from the get go. “I’m not telling you to sell it, I’m trying to have you see reason. You’ll only wind up making a fool out of yourself if you try and establish No Peak here, and that’s the best possible outcome. Sooner or later, you will get yourself killed, or jailed, and then who is going to bail you out?” It certainly won’t be her— that much should be clear enough from her words alone. End of discussion. 

Shae’s about to wrap it up quickly; she’s still got a few appointments to head to, one of which she should have arrived at five minutes ago. Restless and irritated, she parts her lips to inform him, then gets shut down by the cruelty of her own brother. Lan’s dead, he says— an obvious lie, as he’d been perfectly healthy the last time she’d seen him. Without an active war between clans going on, there was very little threat to him that could cost him his life. It can’t be the truth Hilo’s speaking; he must be trying to rattle her, get her attention. And it works— even in questioning the credibility of the words, the shock in her eyes can’t be concealed. “What the fuck are you talking about,” she hisses, but without the same unwavering confidence to her voice that had been there only moments ago. “If Lan was dead, don’t you think I would know?” That had been her initial response, though now that she’s vocalized her doubts, that sounds just as unreasonable as Hilo expecting to find jade in this place. No trace of Kekon, and she’d been here for five months. Hilo’s dead serious, she can tell that much, even without her jade. All up in her face, the man does not scare her, but his words manage to do. Convincing herself of the contrary, she confirms, with more confidence, but a rapidly increasing beating of heart: “I would know if my own brother had died. Seriously, Hilo? That’s low, even for you.”

[navree]

Finished my reading of F&B, and to my shock Rhaenyra's character is pretty dark there... Like they've whitewashed her to an extreme degree

And there is no prophecy , no righteous goal etc.. and that's really good tbh because in that way the whole conflict feels more human. Like people irl don't need prophecy to be ambitious or power-hungry . Aegon is not a crybaby , Alicent is more ambitious and shrewd, Daemon is definitely much darker than his show version but also much more interesting...

I wonder why they didn't keep with the main characterization of the characters and tried to flesh them in the show instead of changing them completely.

Yeah they've lightened Rhaenyra up a lot in the show, though to be fair we haven't gotten to some of her darker stuff, but even things that have already happened, like her involvement in Vaemond's death or the Silent Five has been incredibly watered down.

Things like the prophecy providing a goal and some plot contrivances I think are largely there for two reasons: one, George told the showrunners that Aegon the Conqueror had foreseen something involving the war with The Others before he decided to conquer Westeros, and they added that into the show, two, because it's a prequel. Because Fire & Blood is a textbook and mostly just a supplementary piece of reading and not a story in its own right, it doesn't need to be connected to anything involving the main story other than the fact that it's about the Targaryens and there are Targaryen characters in ASOIAF. But because House of the Dragon is a direct prequel, a narrative that is adding some background depth to the original narrative of Game of Thrones, there does need to be some interconnectedness. There needs to be a thread tying one end to the other beyond just "Dany's a popular character and the Targaryens have the most recorded history about them when compared to the other major families", and the prophecy tying into the central conflict of GOT is that. I've been on record saying I don't think it was a good idea or very well done, but that's what they did.

As to why they changed certain things, it is largely to make them more palatable, and I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. For one, I'm personally a fan of Aegon as played by TGC being this pathetic pretty boy, sopping wet kitten with big needy eyes, desperate for love bundle of issues type of character, I think it's very fun and creatively fulfilling (and Tom and his tear ducts are killing it). For two, when converting any written narrative into a visual format, you're automatically put at a disadvantage by removing things like inner monologue, internal character voice, thoughts and observations, and really anything that cannot be externalized via facial expressions and spoken word. You can try to make up for it in a myriad of ways (Die Hard took a very stoic and quiet character from the book and made him a chatterbox in order to verbalize the thoughts he was having even though it completely changed the characterization, Twilight just plugs in Bella's narration everywhere, the first Dune adaptation did that batshit thing where it added internal monologue for like literally every character, it's so fucking nuts) or you can just ignore it (the Hunger Games movies kept Katniss's stoic characterization but didn't add in any narration to make up for her blank façade and let us see the complexities of her inner character the way we can in the book, which made movie!Katniss a faithful book character but kind of bad as a film protagonist). It's why, in the original show, Tyrion ended up getting a lot of his bad qualities washed away, because without the benefit of his inner monologue and his thoughts and viewing the world through his eyes like we do on the page, instead seeing things objectively on a screen, him doing things like slapping Shae and pawing at thirteen year old Sansa or constantly talking about all the women he wants to sexually assault (to say nothing of the women he actually sexually assaults) would make him completely unsympathetic and turn audiences against him. It's probably why they softened some of Theon too (he's a lot worse in ACOK than he is in season 2) and also why they made sure to show us everything he went through rather than have him vanish and then reappear as Reek the way he did in the books.

The characters in Fire & Blood are not written to be likable, they're ambitious and power hungry and while we all have our favorites and people that we're willing to excuse anything for ("Alys blew up someone's head" "Rhaenys torched people during the Conquest" grow up and have some fun, God forbid women do anything, I support them), we all know that this is one family full of dramatic bitches fighting for who can be the absolute monarch in a brutal feudal system and birthright monarchy is a scam anyway. But in a show, with a narrative, where you do need to have something approaching a protagonist and antagonist (GOT had good and evil on both sides of every conflict, but Joffrey and Ramsay and the White Walkers and the Essossi slavers clearly filled the roles of "big antagonists" for all the characters no matter whose side you're on), having everyone be miserable drama hoes 24/7 from the word "go" just isn't going to get audiences interested. And that's not gonna fly if you're HBO and you are a company attempting to make a profit like every other company on the planet, you need to get general audiences invested when there's clearly not much of an audience for "book only" people who'd shrugged off HBO's version ASOIAF ever since D&D started mucking it up atrociously. So lightening certain characters, making them more palatable in order to have their intricacies conveyed better in a visual format, that makes sense, that's what they ultimately had to land on to make the show work.

I'm not even against it per se, I like the starting off point we had for most of the characters and the change made to things like Rhaenyra and Alicent's dynamic and the new undertones in the subtext. It's mainly how they built on it from there, and some of the choices they've made, that I've had an issue with. But even then, as I've personally said, my critiques tend to be along the lines of liking the foundation and just wanting to build something different, or thinking certain plots and elements were an example of good idea but bad execution. If they'd started the show from the beginning of F&B, then maybe we'd have gotten a more book accurate Dance, since it would come a lot later and we'd have had time to get to know some great Targs but some incredibly awful Targs as well, but that's all in the past at this point.

I tend to just accept that book canon and show canon are different stories, which they are by design, and appreciate them both on their own merits.

[faeriefics]

The Last of the Light Fae - First Chapter.

Pairing: Fili x Female Faerie OC Shaeleign (Shay-lean)

Word Count: Approximately 3.2k.

Warnings: Mentions of troll filth, blood, the threat of violence, swearing.

Masterlist

Next Part

A/N: This is the first instalment of I don't know how many - I'm planning to have the second part feature Shae's perspective, and elaborate much more on her character, but I wanted to start from Fili's POV to allow for some context! I've made so many edits and touch-ups that at this point I need to post it before I chicken out! Any feedback or encouragement would be really appreciated!! If anyone would like to follow my posts for this series, let me know and I'd be very happy to open a taglist!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What smells worse, brother-mine, those flea-ridden sacks the trolls wrapped us in, or this hole in which they used to live?” Kili was in such good-humours that anyone would have been none-the-wiser to know they had narrowly avoided being spit-roasted or eaten alive. Whether it was courage or something resembling stupidity, Fili would not comment - admittedly, he was shaken enough to feel confident in his will to live, but not so disturbed as to be deterred from their quest. His brother had been kicking a rock against the cave’s entrance for a minute or so now, distracted, no doubt doing as he was; filling his lungs with as much fresh, unpolluted air as possible, bracing for the stench he could already smell leaking from the entrance.

“This cave stinks worse than that dreadful stew Uncle attempted last winter solstice - if he’d added hound shit and rotten flesh I imagine it’d be close to the smell down there.” Fili instantly regretted speaking so much, his next soft intake of breath having him forget he was facing that rotten, dark hole; leaving him near-gagging at the stench, much to Kili’s apparent amusement. The dark-haired dwarf laughed, as loud and glee-filled as one could only be when giggling at another’s expense, and in truth Fili nearly laughed when his brother made the same mistake as he, his laughing turning to spluttering gags.

“Plug yer noses, breathe through yer mouths, and quit yer fretting! Bloody spoilt wee princesses, not known a day of true hard work-” Gloin’s head came poking through the darkness, red-hair briefly illuminated in the pale yellow light of the morning. Fili felt a clever retort clinging to his tongue, one weighing whether looting a cave previously occupied by mountain trolls qualified as ‘hard work’ - he for one did not see the point. Perhaps he was more easily convinced away from such endeavours by the rumbling of his belly and the soreness of his eyes from a missed night’s sleep - but on the other hand, his pride reared its head at the description of ‘spoilt’ - he was certainly not coddled. Had Gloin ever met his mother? If he and Kili had been playful and carefree thus far, it was merely because they had needn’t fear their mother’s temper and her will of iron on this journey. As much as he cared for (and, admittedly between himself and Kee, missed) their mother, she, at times, seemed scarier than the tall tales of orcs, goblins and trolls told in their youth to keep young dwarflings quaking in their bedsheets.

As though to prove precisely how unspoilt he was, his feet marched ahead - fearlessly, he imagined. Though the image of him pinching his nose and breathing through his mouth was perhaps less regal to those outside himself. “Come, brother, unless you’re too fearful.” His voice honked, nasally from his pinched nostrils, before he chose to remove his fingers and attempt to adjust to the stench - noticing how Kili came bounding into the cave, eager to prove his courage - or, again, stupidity - Fili thought with a slight smirk.

The cave was remarkably unextraordinary in appearance. Great congealed mounds of hideous brown and maroon - piled high enough to make Fili idly wonder how the trolls physically managed to get their crap to touch the ceiling. The reek was terrible enough to make the air in the cave feel balmy, like a sweaty summer’s day, as opposed to the typical damp cold stone walls such as these held. The flies which buzzed and crawled along the walls, floors and rugged ceiling of the hole did nothing to dispel the feeling of heat, and decay, and death. Bones of various humanoid creatures and animals littered the floors, picked clean apart from the odd dangling piece of skin. Much to his disgust, the blonde-haired prince trod on what he could only assume, given the long hair and flabby pink skin, was a piece of human scalp - that was enough to turn even his steel-clad stomach. “Apparently there is a creature who keeps their quarters messier than even you, Kili. I shall have to inform our mother.” Fili jabbed, watching with mirth as his brother’s face turned into light-hearted offence.

Before Kili could retort, Thorin spoke up. “A troll cave is no laughing matter - think on what your fate could have been if luck had not been on our side.” With that, Fili’s mirth shrank, and a more serious eye upon the bones and waste and junk filling the space made him realise that they could just as easily have joined the ranks of these lost souls. Only Fili would not call it luck so much - rather a quick-thinking hobbit and a conveniently timed wizard - still, he felt it best not to correct his uncle if his current mood was any indication of how well that would be appreciated. Instead, the dwarven prince moved closer to their leader, watching with a keen eye as Thorin pulled a wrapped weapon covered in a sticky, thick layer of cobwebs, followed by another, from within what might have been a weapons display rack in another life. Now, it looked like metal so rusted that a touch might have disintegrated it, mangled and curled almost to beyond recognition.

On the other side of the cave, Bofur, Gloin and Nori were setting about burying a small chest of shimmering golden coins for safekeeping - “We’re makin’ a long-term deposit!” Gloin exclaimed, no doubt as a response to Dwalin’s stoic, almost unreadable expression. Fili would say his look was one bordering on exasperation, but one never could tell with Dwalin. Fili was far more interested in the blades - while Gandalf said they were Elven, a fact which had his uncle perturbed and hesitant, Fili could not help but admire the craftsmanship of one dagger in particular. Wiping it free of cobwebs with the back of his sleeve, admiring the silver curve of the hilt, he pulled the wrappings away and almost felt his eyes gleam at the sharp edge of the blade, the slight curve to it which promised a beautiful cut. At that moment, he decided he didn’t mind much if it was forged by elves. Surely, it would serve better tucked away for him to use; than left to rot in some stinking cave. It wasn’t like he lacked blades, mind - but what was one more? He still had plenty of hiding places in mind.

Thorin turned to leave, unsatisfied with staying for much longer, and truly, Fili did not fancy loitering about for much longer. But something, right in the very corner of his peripheral vision, glinted in the light his uncle’s torch cast when he moved. It was a split second, but that second was enough to fill him with curiosity. “Wait, just a moment - what is that?” Even he could hear the perplexed tone to his voice, his outstretched finger pointing into the darkness at the very back of the cave. Watching where he stepped, Fili relied on the torch of Thorin, hot on his heels, to guide his way. Right behind another tower of steaming substances, the very edge of the… thing, must have glinted in the light. But what was it, he wondered.

It was not unlike a crystal - but one so massive, so much larger than any he had ever seen, that surely it could not be possible. Large enough that their hobbit could have laid flat on his back and stretched his arms as far behind his head as possible, and only then would that have made the length of it. The width was equally as impressive, if Fili had to guess, it was about as wide as both of his arms if he attempted to wrap himself around it. It was a strange colour, too. He had never seen a crystal of light turquoise before, and to see the puzzled, awed expressions on the faces of the elder dwarves who were crowding around the corner (who, quite frankly, were far more knowledgeable on such matters than he) told him he wasn’t far wrong.

“I have never- not in all my years, not even in great Erebor, seen a gem of such magnitude… Such a thing can't come from the earth!” Balin stumbled over his words, more than taken aback, and though Fili felt… Frightened? To touch it, his legs moved forward as though he was bewitched. It was a feeling like jumping into a lake when one was unable to swim, knowing he could sink beneath the water like a rock, but desiring to feel the cold and the wet upon his skin all the same. Perhaps he was more shaken up from the troll incident than he thought, for perhaps he’d gone mad, but the prince swore the crystalised walls of the gem pulsed with energy? It radiated something. His hand fell upon it, and he shouldn’t have been surprised that nothing happened, but he was all the same. Slightly warm to the touch, his hand felt thick with dirt, dust and cobwebs upon the surface. Sweeping his hand across, casting a streak which revealed the gem was a thousand shades of blue, green and white. Fili stood, utterly transfixed, dumbstruck - and about to lean in closer to get a better look-

“Come away! Get back!” Suddenly, there was Gandalf, and his large arm was pushing against his chest and shoving him back - and had he not been half as strong as he was, he would have fallen right on his arse from the force of it, but thankfully he managed to catch himself before he fell - or crashed into the tower of solidified troll shit. The wizard touched the gem, before retracting his hand and muttering something even he could not hear, and he was closest. “-It cannot be… It is not possible.” Fili eventually caught some of Gandalf's quiet mumbles, the words then sending his eyes searching the equally confused glances of the company.

“Gandalf? What is this folly, what is that? A gem?” His uncle broke the silence after a near minute passed off only the wizard’s whispers. To which Gandalf the Grey, cryptically, placed his hand upon the streak his own had cleared moments ago. “This is no gem, Thorin Oakenshield, something far more... Exceptional. A fossil, undoubtedly, a creature long dead. But the casing is not natural. It has power to it - magic, magic beyond the likes I have seen.” Gandalf’s words struck a chord, erupting a chorus of muttering among the dwarves. When Fili thought of fossils, his mind was cast to shells and the tiny bones of extinct creatures embedded in rock. Or perhaps to the perfectly preserved giant dragonfly in amber, which he recalled the inn closest to his childhood home displayed above the bar. The crystal before them did not resemble either of those things, not to him. Those things had felt dead, so dead that they became objects of fascination - curiosities for one to ogle at. Whether it was magic, as Gandalf said, or something else, he felt his palm tingle at the memory of the warmth that surface had held.

Against his better senses, Fili removed his overcoat of furs - brandished it before him, and wiped it up and down the ‘fossil’ to clear it of debris, bracing a hand along the edge near the top as he removed the now filthy furs, taking a look within before Gandalf could even think to stop him. And what he saw beggared belief. It was female - that much was abundantly obvious by the ornate gown that may have been silver, white, or a light blue. It was hard to say for sure with the crystal being coloured cold; turning all to a wispy blob - bigger in some refractions and smaller in others, she appeared to float among her frozen world. But what she was, he could not say. Fili has never seen anything like her.

His first instinct would have been to call her elven with her lithe frame and light hair. But that hair, long and coiled, appeared even lighter than the white-blonde of some elves, even in the blue-light - he imagined it would look like unspoilt, crisp snow, like moonlight’s glow, free from her prison. That, and she was far shorter than the typical elf - taller than Bilbo, but shorter still than Balin. Her ears stretched into a finer, thinner tip than elves from what he could see; like a honey-toned short dagger. In truth, her complexion was so warm - like honey in a jar, or the sun-kissed maidens said to reside south where the light was warm and bronzing. Truly, she may have been the most beautiful maiden he had ever set eyes upon. He could well have mistaken her for Varda Elentari, the Queen of the Valar and Lady of the Stars - whom the elves were said to worship as a Goddess. Such was his surprise that the hand he had used upon the top of her diamond coffin to brace himself slipped, the sharp edge catching and slashing his palm clean open.

His blood dripped in fat, heavy droplets down the surface of light blue, his palm stung hot and angry and throbbing as he stumbled back. Assessing the damage, he turned his head towards the others; all of whom were staring, not at him, but at the mass before them. And looking himself, he felt his own eyes turn to the size of dinner plates. Mahal above. A crack, about the size of his hand, had bloomed from where he cut his hand - and down it went, breaking and splintering along the trail of his blood. It was as though it was not solid crystalised amber after all, but ice cracking under the heat of fresh blood. His pupils followed the crack with such anticipation when it reached the floor, creating the tiniest of drops against the floor, that he nearly flew out of his skin when the entire thing shattered. A million aquamarine diamonds crashed to the floor, clattering and bouncing, as the figure they had held within equally collapsed into a heap.

It was stupid - truly and utterly thick-skulled of him - to have shot forward to grab the dead maiden as he did. As if she could have been alive and felt pain from crashing to the floor - but, touching her, scooping her away from the crystal which crunched beneath his feet like broken glass, light as she was it was like lifting a sack of flour… it dawned him too late that her body was limp, flaccid - she had ought to have been stiff as a board, rigid and dead and forever frozen in the preserved pose she had held for who knew how many years. He should have dropped her then and there, he saw his uncle surge forward from where he and the company had been… Frozen? Perhaps too shocked to move, or unable to? And when he looked back down at the woman, her eyelids were not closed with those darker eyelashes curling off the top of her cheeks, but open. And they were gold, a mixture of yellow topaz and golden coins, and there was something cold, hard and sharp pressed against the thin skin at his neck.

She… Pulled the elven dagger from where it had sat at the side of his breeches and had pressed it right against his neck. What was wrong with him, that he was more impressed than concerned that after, what, a few thousand years? The first instinct of this woman was to steal his weapon and hold him hostage with it. “Càit a bheil mi? Cò th 'annad? Bruidhinn - no gearraidh mi thu fosgailte!” Fili did not understand a word she said, she spoke in a language likely far forgotten - but her voice, while aggressive and provoked, was akin to the twinkling of a harp; musical, light and accented, it was unlike any spoken word he had ever heard, and he was dumbstruck. Even more so when the members of his company surged forward, only to be stopped, as though an invisible barrier stood between them - with a glance down, he saw her free palm outstretched toward them.

“I- I cannot understand-” The others could not proceed, but all the same Gandalf called out, stunted and clumsy - attempting to converse with the woman - though even he, with his knowledge, seemed to struggle with speaking what was likely an ancient language. “A bheil thu a ’bruidhinn an teanga cumanta?” The woman cast a look towards the wizard, not relenting in her pressure upon his throat, before turning her fiery gaze back towards him.

“Where… Is this? What time? Who…” Her voice trailed into a whisper. Initially, Fili thought her grasp on the common tongue was poor, and she was unable to express what she meant to say, but then he saw it. The outstretched arm was trembling - which hardly astonished Fili. How anything could even be alive, let alone up and attempting to fight, moved far beyond anything he knew to be real. Whatever she was, she had to be weak - she had to be using everything she had to prevent the company from reaching him. Taking advantage of the weakness he had only speculated, he very suddenly dropped his arms, and from the shock that crossed her face, perhaps she had been too focused on offence and answers to think of what or who was keeping her aloft. Though the knife was now away from his throat, and her hand had fallen; the dwarf could not help wondering if he had done a wicked thing. The creature had collapsed, a single streak of red blood running from her left nostril - her mouth drowned of colour such that he wondered if she were dead.

Even as Kili ran towards him, likely seeing if his throat had been nicked by the dagger, he could only watch Gandalf swoop in on the woman. The wizard lifted her chest upwards, ear pressed to the top of her chest to listen for a heartbeat, as Thorin brandished his recently acquired weapon, no doubt as a precaution. “What is it?” His uncle spoke deep, as Gandalf turned his head, breathing out in what, without words, truly sounded like disbelief. “A faerie, and believe me, never did I think I would meet one in the flesh. They were wiped out in the First Age - ripped apart, or worse, enslaved, by dark forces - orcs and far worse. I have no doubt that she is the last of her kind - that she is even alive is a miracle.” Gandalf spoke reverently, even as he lifted the limp, apparent faerie, into his arms. “And what do you suggest we do with it? Whatever it may be, it threatened my kin, and you cannot suggest we allow it to accompany us.” Thorin sounded resolute, but Gandalf appeared even more so. “If the legends of her kind are to be trusted, you would not be wise to make a fae your foe - I suggest we wait. I can not, in good conscience, leave her to die. And should she attempt an attack of that kind again, well, she shall find me far more prepared.”

[waitingforwinterwinds]

A Clash of Kings - 08 TYRION II (pages 111-123)

Tyrion fires Janos Slynt, with well deserved prejudice, then gossips with Varys about the philosophy of power, and treason.

-

"Ser Jacelyn thinks overmuch of imself and his honor, as I see it. You'll do better leaving that one where he is, my lor- Tyrion. Allar Deem's the man for you." ... "The carrack Summer's Dream sails on the morning tide. (...) When you see Lord Commander Mormont, give him my fond regards, and tell him I have not forgotten the needs of the Night's Watch. I wish you a long and good service, my lord." Once Janos Slynt realized he was not to be summarily executed, olor returned to his face. He thrust his jaw out. "We will see about this, Imp. -" ... Slynt spun on his heel like the watchman he'd once been, and strode the length of the Small Hall, boots ringing on the stone. He clattered up the steps, threw open the door... and came face-to-face with a tall, lantern-jawed man in black breast plate and gold cloak. ... "Lord Slynt," Tyrion called out, "I believe you know Ser Jacelyn Bywater, our new Commander of the City Watch."

Love this, it is exactly the right blend of identity/promotion reveal and "you and what army?"|"Well, mine, actually."

But oh gosh, Slynt's people killed baby Bara and her mum. It was a baby, and a girl, you actual human garbage!!!!

"Some say knowledge is power. Some tell us that allpower comes from the gods. Others say it derives from the law. Yet that day on the steps of Baelor's Sept, our godly High Septon and the lawful Queen Regent and your ever-so-knowledgable servant were as powerless as an cobbler or cooper in the crowd. Who truly killed Eddard Stark, do you think? Joffrey, who gave the command? Ser Ilyn Payne, who swung the sword? Or... another?"

Power resides where we believe it to reside, and where, by our belief in it's right, it is enforced. Each person is responsible for their own part, when they actively seek to participate in causing harm. Joffrey gave the order believing it would be carried it out, and Ilyn Payne committed the physical act, whatever events led them there, they were the final two who could have stopped his death, but chose not to. They are both guilty. It's almost like blame and fault are self-generating resources.

Varys smiled. "Here, then. Power resides where men believe it resides. No more and no less."

*coughs awkwardly* sorry, got a bit ahead of Varys there.

Tyrion was a little drunk, and very tired. "Tell me, Bronn. If I told you to kill a babe... and infant girl, say, still at her mother's breast... would you do it? Without question?" "Without question? No." The sellsword rubbed thumb and forefinger together. "I'd ask how much." And why would I ever need your Allar Deem, Lord Slynt? Tyrion thought. I have a hundred of my own. He wanted to laugh; he wanted to weep; most of all, he wanted Shae.

Mmmm, there's this thing the show does, where even in moments like this, they would have made Bronn seem like he was making a complete jest and would never have a price to kill an infant, where the show makes all the characters (that D&D liked) seem like they have secret depths and morals and a hidden heroic ideology.

But they don't, do they. Bronn doesn't, does he. He has a price.

Little light on talking points, but it's late because I've been watching the Quantum Leap reboot, and I have an early morning tomorrow, so I focused on the highest of lights~ I should maybe put my reading a little earlier in the day instead of right before bed...

[sleepyowlwrites]

find the word tag CCLVII

I think I'm spending more time with my xbox than I am on my computer. I've never had a game that I could spend hours playing by myself before. it's lovely, actually. a great way to decompress. even if I am ferrying dying souls around while they pretend like they don't have to pass on. words from Welcome @nikkywrites and Stars Books @vellichor-virgo

regardless (ellipses of thought .15, 2020)

The roses are the color of absence Which makes sense considering they were supposed to fade with summer Not that the season had taken the hint yet I wear long sleeves like that will chase away the warmth That I do desire to keep on the surface of my skin We can fall in love regardless

horror

ache (a funeral for pearls, 2020)

There’s an ache beneath his tongue when he opens up his mouth, is it the sapphires he tried to swallow when the ocean bled him dry? There are owls in his attic desperate to steal his limbs. Their flight was stolen by the tides; the emeralds sink beneath the waves, never to be seen again. When rubies climb the sky to make him weep - does he surrender his anchor? Will the pearls along his eyelids hope he cries and sets them free?

former latter

besides (you, of hope, and I, of heart, 2020)

I know you think I wear sweaters to shoulder back my pain. you’re right, but that’s obvious. and besides, we’re the same.

I know you think I savor sweets because I have no teeth. you’re right, but that’s simple. I have no one I want to beat.

growl

pout (youth story d0)

Irina stood with her arms crossed, mouth arranged in a derisive pout. “That’s certainly a lot of books.”

Daniel had the patience of a saint but Evie could feel he was about on his last legs. She’d given up on extending Irina any kind of generosity far earlier in the morning, but decided to let Daniel answer for himself. She took one of the bags from him and turned her back on them both.

Behind her, she heard Daniel’s barely there sigh, followed by his answer. “Bell is an avid reader. She’ll get through these in no time.”

blood (under the sky was a void, 2020)

The grass is hard, breaking, brown. It bows at my feet and does not bother to get back up. Some things are lacking and it’s not just my sense of ease. There should be more red in the sky but the body lacks blood to leak. Effervescence? The illumination of a single streetlight cannot force the terrors back into the void.

bonus to make up for missing words blood (summon story d0)

“You’ve contributed blood before?” Zan asked Dair, not even trying to sound interested."

Dair had his hands stuck to each other, fingers twisting together rather tightly. “Dreams,” he said shortly.

Zan tilted his head back slowly so he could see Dair’s face better. It was closed off and his dark eyes glimmered like he was holding back tears. Shae was placing the pebbles very slowly, like she didn’t want to make a lot of sound.

“Someone offered your dreams to a spirit?” Zan asked very softly.

Dair blinked again, the tears disappearing as he finally looked down at Zan. “It was an exchange,” he said.

Shae stepped out of the array and crouched beside Zan, gripping his shoulder with both hands. “Did you give your dreams voluntarily?”

It was no surprise when Dair shook his head.

green (indigo faeries, 2011 - oh hey aNOTHER blood)

Shiver is a feeling that runs in the blood Whispers run reeling in yesterday’s mud Starlight and moonlight to lighten the way Midnight and twilight as shades of the day

Blackberries red Roses frost green Faces and forces Mostly unseen

intimate

I employed the "I can remember specific scenes/poems with certain words so I'm using those" method that Ghosty told me I could do. mouth, morning, memory, missing, mask. BONUS: misshapen, malevolent. @zmlorenz @akindofmagictoo @sleepy-night-child @jaxwrites @mel-writes-with-her-dragons OR ANYBODY or nobody

[lovelytarou]

the language of flowers — oikawa tooru

pairing: oikawa tooru x gn! reader

genre: fluff, flowershop!au

tags: flowerboy!oikawa, slowburn, strangers to lovers

word count: 4.06k

a/n: i finally finished this after 2536484 years of procrastination! but thanks to my moots shae and julie for showing support and giving their opinions about this concept hehe. this is the longest fic i've written wow 😳

⤷ summary: the flowershop on the street you frequently walk on going home is a wonder you didn't notice until recently when the smell of flowers caught your attention. deciding to enter it one day out of pure curiosity, you met the owner of the shop and with it, the start of a blooming romance.

life was filled with repeating patterns, certain routines and habits that everybody has gotten used to doing. like the way you always took the same path when going home, passing by the familiar faces you encounter all the time, seeing the similar architecture and landscape that brings some sort of familiarity to you whenever you see it. 

your feet stopped in their own accord when a sweet smell invaded your nose. you inhaled deeply, the aroma pleasant and fresh. going a few steps back, you finally saw where it was coming from. the flower shop stood out like a sore thumb in the street with its vibrant flowers that you can see through the clear glass. the sunlight was shining down upon the beautiful flowers and they looked charming even from afar. 

you thought for a moment and decided that you'd stop by in the flower shop for a little while. besides, if the smell alone has caught your attention, who knows what else can? 

the soft tinkle of the bell on the door signalled your presence. you were simply in awe at the sight of the decorations inside the shop. it was breathtaking. numerous flowers, bouquets, wreaths, and some that you don't know the name about were placed neatly and elegantly inside the shop to let the customers feast their eyes (and noses) upon. 

giggles and loud laughter snatched you away from your thoughts, a huddled group of women and men alike are circling over something - or someone? - and they seemed to be too entertained about it than the flowers themselves. chuckling quietly, you shook your head and decided to look around the place more for yourself. 

there were buckets and baskets of anemones in pinks, reds, and purple. there were also daffodils, camellias, and tulips of many colors that you can't help but get sucked in by them. you can't think which one to go to first, there are so many! the hanging plants are wonderful as well, they can make for great decoration. the succulents look cute and adorable, it can also be manageable if you find yourself too busy to take care of a plant. 

you were too deep in your thoughts, caressing a blue tulip to even notice the sudden silence in the shop and the ringing of the bell at the door that tells you the previous patrons have exited the flower shop and you're now alone. or so you thought.

“beautiful,” a sing-songy, lilting voice spoke from behind you, causing you to jolt from where you're admiring the flower and turned towards the owner of the voice. 

if the flowers took your breath away, well he made you get your breath stuck in your throat. he looks like he's not from around him, and simply breathing in his space is something short of disgraceful. you took in his wavy side-swept dark brown hair, and his welcoming eyes of the same color that shone with mischief. his lips are stretched into a smile. 

wow, he is really tall. you're surprised he hadn't reached the ceiling of the shop. he seemed pretty intimidating with his height alone, but there's an air around him that screams playfulness.

“ah, i meant the tulips.” he apologized as a blush coated his beautiful clear cheeks, a hand touching his nape.

“oh!” you cleared your throat, immediately bringing the tulip back where it respectfully resides, “yes, they're very wonderful to look at. you have a lovely shop, uh…” 

he seemed to perk up at the inquisition of his name, he chuckled to himself before offering his hand.

“oikawa tooru, nice to meet you! and thanks, i do try hard to keep this flower shop presentable for customers like you who have taste.” he winked, walking past you and you followed suit – eyes practically glued to his form as he moved swiftly around his small shop.

“must be difficult to run a business like this all by yourself,” you wondered, fingers brushing against petals that your hand can reach. 

it's odd, but staying in there for just a few minutes has brought you a sense of relaxation. as if the flowers all around you and talking to oikawa is such a breath of fresh air. 

“well, you get used to it after a while. besides, i have my friends, uh...help me sometimes.” he nervously chuckled, he certainly knew that 'help' means that force his friends to carry things around while blackmailing them and bribing them for lunch, then sure, he had them help him. 

you only hummed in response. 

he turned around after a while, a pink lily in his hand.

“i think this suits our gorgeous customer, don't you think?” he smirked, handing the flower with a flourish which you took gently – causing your hands to touch and making you feel that slight tingle people talk about in movies and books. 

you felt silly about the way your face heats up at the small gesture, your gaze not straying away from the flowers in fear of letting oikawa see his effect on you. 

but you can try with all your might, nothing can stop him from already seeing your flushed face. he always does these things to entertain the customers but he found his chest feeling warm staring at you like that.

going back to his place in the cashier, he started to tidy up a bit for the next customers that will visit the shop. his brown eyes kept staring at you from time to time as you walked around, trying to see if there's anything else you could buy along with the lily – but we all know it's just to keep your attention away from him and the fact that he can make your heart race with mere flirting.

“i never really noticed your shop before, and i have walked this street for how many times now.” you droned on, playing with the cute pots on the shelf – some of them were heads of the cliché green alien and other space themed stuff which you find adorable, bringing a fond smile to your face.

“oikawa's flower shop is like a secret garden, my dear customer.” he boasted, spraying freesias on the cashier desk with a smile on his face.

“it truly looks like one,” you agreed, with one final look in the flower shop, you walked closer to the cashier and got out your wallet. 

“no, no. it's on the house, lovely.” he beamed, stopping the hand in your bag.

“really? thank you.” your face flushed at the feeling of his hands – the very same one who took care of these beautiful flowers – touching yours. 

he recoiled, as if burned. his face painted a deep red like the roses by the windows. both of you looked away, like two magnets of the same sign – coming in contact with each other only to repel.

“well, um, i'll see you around then.” you muttered, breaking the silence. 

“yeah, see you.” oikawa smiled warmly. hopefully much sooner, he hoped.

with one last look at each other, you turned around and exited the secret garden. you walked home that day all smiles and giddy, still feeling the lingering touch he has left on your skin, how warm and calloused they felt. maybe from how hard he was working. 

you wondered if you'll ever see him again soon. 

the second time you visited the flower shop was when you saw oikawa in one of the coffee shops you frequented. it turned out that he usually stops by for coffee and his milk bread when the shop's particularly slow. he asked to walk you home and since you're both taking the same path, you agreed. 

he turned out to be a very chatty person – not the kind that will annoy you because they only talk about themselves, but the amusing kind because he has a lot of stories stored inside his big brain full of tales about him and his friends, and occasionally asking about your life as well.

you two had fallen into a comfortable pace as you walked together, sipping both your beverages. 

“hey, let's play truth or dare!” he blurted, eyes sparkling in excitement and thinly veiled mischief, a bright smile on his lips.

“really? here? now?” you asked, incredulous. isn't this something people do in parties around a lot of people? 

“yeah! it'll be fun,” he shrugged. 

“well, okay then.” you sighed, before sipping your drink, “you go first.” 

“okay…” he pretended to think hard, eyes darting everywhere as he hummed, “truth or dare?”

“you don't really need to think so hard about that,” you chuckled.

“just pick!” 

“alright, alright. truth!” you beamed at him, trying to understand what his brain will cook up to ask you.

“ah, that's easy. what's your name?” oh, that's right. you forgot to tell him back then the first time you went in his flower shop. and so, you told him.

“y/n. what a beautiful name. okay, my turn! my turn!” he excitedly chanted, eyes never losing their sparkle. 

you ignored the butterflies that erupted in your stomach the moment he said your name, as if he's taking his time and tasting it around his tongue like a foreign delicacy he hasn't tasted before. 

you cleared your throat, averting his gaze as they zeroed in on you, “truth or dare, mr. milk bread?” 

“hey, they taste really good, i'll have you know.” he scoffed, before his face morphed back into excitement again, “dare!”

you thought for a moment, there isn't really anything too interesting to do while walking. and then you smirked.

“i dare you to greet the person who will walk this corner as if you knew each other for a very long time,” you grinned devilishly. he gaped at that, before darting his gaze towards the street corner you were talking about. 

“y/n-chan, i didn't know you would be the type,” he teased, you were about to retort when a huge, buff man walked around the corner. he looked intimidating, even for you and you wondered what oikawa might be feeling right now. 

but you didn't need to wonder about it any longer as he was already walking up to the man, confident and grinning. he raised his hand in the air before slapping the guy on the shoulder. 

“hey, long time no see, man! say hello to the wife and kids for me, will ya?” the man gave him a weird look before shaking his head, walking past and minding his own business muttering about 'kids these days'.

once the guy was out of earshot, you and oikawa bursted out in laughter, looking at each other with relief and surprise.

“i thought he was going to pulverize you!” you wheezed in between chortles.

“i know! me too! i thought he'll get mad at me or something,” he threw his head back as he laughed. you stopped your own giggles to stare back at him. he looked radiant as he let himself go, you thought he looked attractive with the way he candidly showed his happiness.

“something wrong, y/n-chan?” you hadn't realized he stopped laughing and was left staring at him. his head was tilted in curiosity as he peered at you in concern.

“not at all!,” you catch yourself, suddenly feeling hot and embarrassed, hoping he didn't notice you ogling him, “where were we?”

“it's your turn now, truth or dare?” feeling bold, you chose dare next. 

oikawa gave you a broad smile, his hand extending towards you as if encouraging you to take it, “i dare you to stay a little longer with me in my shop,”

to be honest? you expected him to get back at you and maybe make you do an equally embarrassing (if not more) dare, but you did not expect this. 

what you also didn't expect is the fact that you had stopped in front of oikawa's flower shop with your back turned to it. how did you reach there so fast? it seemed like talking and walking with him made time stop. a part of you would like to keep it that way, if only it was possible.

“i would love to,” was your answer. oikawa opened the door to his shop, letting you in first. he then led you near the back of the shop, opening into a wide backyard that resembled a small, gorgeous garden with different kinds of flowers. some even you haven't seen him display in the shop inside. 

the two of you sat on the two seated table. you were simply at awe with how ethereal this all looked. your eyes couldn't get enough of all the wonderful colors that it landed on.

“wow,” was all you managed to say, taking in your surroundings and appreciating every nook and cranny presented to you.

“i spent most of my breaks here,” oikawa came back with two glasses of water and placed them on the glass table. 

“usually talking to myself and talking to the flowers. i heard it helps them grow faster and makes them more beautiful.” he, too, looked around his small garden with unconcealed pride and fondness. if you looked closer, you could also see the hint of sadness hidden in there. 

“you talk to your flowers? that's so cute!” you gushed, hiding your smile behind the glass of water as you sipped it.

“if anything, you're the one who's cute.” he complimented as if it was nothing, eyes boring into yours as his smile widened.

you choked on your water, coughing it up out of surprise and it was the opposite of cute. but his opinions didn't change.

oikawa barked a laugh, reaching over to pat your back soothingly. once you calmed down, you avoided his gaze once again and decided to stare at the sunflowers nearby. 

“we should just continue the game,” you decided to divert the topic. 

“truth or dare, cutie?” oikawa bit back the grin from emerging on his face. hiding it with a palm propped up on the table.

“d-dare,” you answered without thinking. and oikawa being the little shit he is, took this as an opportunity.

“i dare you to go on a date with me this saturday,” he sincerely declared, eyes not leaving you once. your head whipped back to him so fast, you swear you got whiplash. 

you're not one of these flowers and yet you felt the butterflies going wild inside of you.

your heart beat rapidly inside of your chest, pounding hard and ringing in your ears. 

“you don't need a dare to get me to say yes,” you reasoned with a wide smile.

oikawa tooru, like his flowers, is a lively, blooming person. you get to know that the moment you agreed to go on a date with him. it followed a few hangouts, and frequent bumping into each other considering this was a small town, afterall. how you haven't noticed such a vibrant person in your life was beyond you.

you see him everywhere, every day in your life right now. in the small bushes that your neighbor has in their garden, the alien and sci-fi movies in the store which were his favorite every time he invited you to watch a movie, the milk bread you saw in the coffee shop you both love to go, and even the characters in the books you love to read. oikawa tooru practically invaded your life the moment you invited yourself in his flowershop and you loved every second of it.

every time you two hang out together, he never misses to bring you any flower. you'd always keep them with you until you come home, placing them in a vase and watering them constantly, taking care of them like how much oikawa takes care of the flowers. you paid no mind to it, only thinking that it was a sweet gesture from him until your friend decided to comment on the fresh flowers on top of your coffee table.

the both of you had known each other for a very long time now and that she's going to get married, she wanted you to be a part of it too. setting down the tea in front of her on the table, you sat down beside her, engulfing her in a hug. 

“oh, y/n! i missed you so much! it's been busy with all the planning for the wedding and the people to invite, i still haven't tried on my dress and tasted the cake, it's kind of stressing me out!” she immediately let her sorrows and agony free the moment you let go of the hug.

“speaking of stress, is there anything i could do to help?” you reached for her hand, rubbing it soothingly in circles. 

she hummed thoughtfully, sipping her tea to calm her nerves, “now that i thought about it, we still don't know anyone good enough for the flower decorations in the venue,” she pouted, sighing sadly. 

a lightbulb lit itself on top of your head, making you perk up, “i know someone who does!” 

“really? are they good?” oh more than good, you wanted to butt in but shake your head free of those thoughts. 

“of course! he's actually the one who gave me these, he takes real good care of them.” you gestured towards the tulips in your vase. it seems like her eyes lit up and she immediately fell in love with the flowers. 

“tulips?! oh, y/n, my dear, he's in love with you!” she squealed in glee, bouncing in her seat like a little kid.

“how did you know that by simply looking at my tulips?” 

“giving tulips to someone means a declaration of love, sweetie.” she sighed dreamily, “you might as well plan for your wedding too!” 

“don't be ridiculous!” you exclaimed, trying your best not to smile too wide. 

you weren't too against on the idea, but you just met afterall. it would be too early for another wedding. even though he never failed to show his affection every time you are together, there's still a lingering doubt whether he did like you in that way.

as promised, you asked oikawa about it the next day, stopping by his flower shop with coffee and his beloved milk bread since it's his break. 

“y/n-chan! it's always a pleasure to be visited by you again,” he greeted you, he was attending to a few customers in the store and excused himself before talking to you. your heart swelled with the action, not being able to hide your smile this time.

“tooru, i was just stopping by to ask you a favor. my friend's wedding is getting near and she still doesn't have any flower decorations for the venue. i mentioned you and i was wondering if you're the one who could do it instead?” you bit your lip nervously, fumbling with the paperbag containing the bread as you looked up at him hopefully. 

seriously, how can he resist you looking at him that way? your eyelashes fluttering, mouth formed into a pout, eyes shining brightly. you're just asking him to devour you whole. before he knew it, he had leaned in to peck the corner of your mouth. 

it completely shocked you to your core. he hasn't done that kind of thing before, always being respectful and never doing anything you didn't want to. but strangely, you weren't mad at him for it. to tell the truth, you kinda wished he kissed you more. 

“i'd love to, y/n-chan.” he uttered, pinching your cheek before turning to hide his own reddened face. 

that was basically the last time you saw each other since you recommended him to your friend. and since then, he has been busy and you tried to help with the wedding as well. you figured oikawa has his hands full with taking care of the decorations for the wedding, but even then, he would still message you or even facetime you after – asking about how yiur day went and craving to see your face without him being able to for how long.

the day of the wedding came and it was magical. your heart melted the moment your friends said their “i do's” as everybody clapped and rejoiced with them. the moment you stepped into the venue, everyone was amazed, speechless at the decorations being the first thing their eyes could feast upon. pink and white roses was all you could see – ranging from vine-like ones hanging from the ceiling, to arches in the doorway, and some are even placed neatly on the tables. 

to sum it all, it was breathtaking.

“your boyfriend did amazing,” your friend teased, bumping her hip to yours as she walked away with her husband to greet some guests.

you were left standing there, mouth agape as you took everything in. you couldn't wrap your head around the idea of oikawa managing to do all this by himself, but then again, he has surprised you by doing a lot of things you didn't know he could do. 

“you know, if you stayed here longer there won't be enough food left for you.” the familiaf voice you grew to love and got used to spoke from behind you. something tugged in your chest, the events seeming like déjà vu all over again. 

“i'm just admiring your work, tooru.” you smiled, turning around to face the man behind the beautiful decorations. 

he's changed his clothes into a more formal attire than his usual getup with the aprons and white button up shirt for a maroon suit and tie. he even styled his hair back, if you didn't know him long enough you might have mistaken him for someone else. 

“you look...good,” you managed to breathe out, it seems like the decorations aren't the only ones that are breathtaking. your eyes drank him in, how the clothes hug his frame perfectly, the color complimenting his skin tone, and the fact that his fluffy hair is swept away really makes you want to jump his bones right here, right now.

“and you look gorgeous. i must say, i don't mind you looking like this all the time, y/n-chan.” he chuckled, a shit-eating grin blooming on his face as he eyed you up and down slowly. your face grew hot against his stare and you felt naked, as if his eyes can see through you. 

“th-thanks, tooru.” you mumbled, playing with the hem of your clothes. before any of you could speak, however, the emcee spoke on stage calling out the bride and groom to give a speech. 

you all gathered around the small stage as they thanked everyone for coming to the wedding, inclduing the guests, their helpers, the staff. after all the mushy speech, she declared it was time for the dance, turned around and threw the bouquet (that's also from oikawa) to the audience. 

you saw the thing flying to you and out of pure instinct, you threw your hand in front of you and ended up catching the bouquet. everyone around you clapped including oikawa himself as you stared at it wide eyed. your gazed met oikawa's and as if your face couldn't get any hotter, you also felt the fast beating of your heart when you stared at each other. 

everybody howled and chanted teasing remarks at the two of you. instead of paying attention to the newly weds they picked the two of you as the center of their amusement. 

your friend's voice overpowered them all as she also chanted, “kiss! kiss! kiss! kiss!” 

oikawa looked at you with a raised brow and you can only smile bashfully in return before you felt the world turn upside down, oikawa dipping you as he kissed you passionately and deeply. time seemed to stop once again as everything blurred and all you can feel is him, and all he can feel is you. he hoped it would be enough to pour all the emotions and words he wanted you to know. 

it felt like the kiss lasted forever before he pulled away, the two of you out of breath as you giddily smiled at each other, both sharing a lovestruck look.

“is it too early to ask you to marry me?” 

general taglist: @chibishae34 @behan @bukojuiice (tagging you here bcs you're excited for this)

[chispas-and-broken-bindings]

So, I started this WIP back at the beginning of the pandemic...and I’ll probably leisurely continue it, though I don’t think I’ll post it to AO3 until I have a lot more of it written or I have it completed. 

Basically, it’s a pandemic/In The Mood for Love AU where Jon and Sansa knew each other before a northern rebellion that ended in Robb/Ned dying and Sansa marrying her college boyfriend, Harry, while she was in college in the south. 

The story takes place years after the conflict ended, when Jon moves down to King’s Landing to complete some post-doc research and Sansa has been living in King’s Landing with her husband, Harry. He and his partner, Val, move into the same building and when Harry/Val go on a business trip before quarantine starts, Sansa and Jon help each other heal old wounds. 

Supporting cast of characters (drunk poet Tyrion and his very new girlfriend Shae; Civil Engineer Brienne, Jazz musician Tormund, teenage Margaery and her landlady grandmother Olenna Tyrell, retired Broadway actress Myranda Royce, Asha Greyjoy and her couchsurfing brother Theon, and divorced dad Beric and his precocious son Ned.)

It’s shameless self-indulgence at this point. 

Anyway, a little excerpt from the prologue below the break.

8 Months Ago

The last time Jon had seen Sansa Stark was the summer before she left for college in the Vale, three years before the rebellion. She had smelled like coconut sunscreen and cherry chapstick and had been vibrantly snotty in the way only particularly attractive teenage girls can get away with, bickering constantly with Arya and doing her best to ignore pretty much everyone else for the two weeks they spent at the Stark's lake house.

When Jon got the invitation to complete his post-doctorate research at King's Landing College, it was Catelyn Stark who suggested he get in touch with her eldest daughter. After all, she had spent the last seven years in the city. Who better to help them track down an apartment in the famously expensive metropolis? The sophisticated woman who met him and Val at the café across the street from Highgarden apartments was a far cry from the haughty freckled teenager from his memories. Sansa Stark re-entered his life in a palette of cream and beige, her copper hair tamed to a shiny straight sheet and not a freckle to be found on her pale flawless skin.

"Jon Snow." She stood before him, offering a perfectly manicured hand. "You look just the same." He scratched at his brow.

"Well, that's certainly a line," Val laughed, taking Sansa's hand in her own. "The last time you saw him, he was just a fresh-faced ingénue, right? I've seen pictures. He was a bonny lad before the beard and the falcon."

"And, this is Val." Jon nodded as Sansa's smile widened, reaching her eyes. "Val, this is Sansa Stark."

"Hardyng."

"Right. Congratulations. Sorry, I didn't send a card or anything."

"Jon, you always were so painfully honest. You could have just told me the mixer got stopped by border patrol, and I'd be none the wiser. It was years ago, anyhow." When Sansa turned to order a skinny decaf latte from the barista in the rapid-fire accentless clip of a southern city-dweller, Val arched an eyebrow at Jon in question, but he just shrugged. It had been a stupid thing to say. He knew she had married during the rebellion, behind enemy-lines. Without her family.

"So, I know this isn't the most convenient commute to campus, but it’s a great neighborhood." Sansa explained as they stepped back outside, and Jon looked around in mild surprise. When she had e-mailed him to let him know a unit opened up in her own building, he had expected her to live in one of the glossy River Row condos or perhaps in one of the growing suburbs. Instead, they were in the heart of the old city, just a few blocks east of the infamous historic brothel district, in a neighborhood of narrow cobbled streets, oddly angled walk-ups and the scent of late summer blooms creating a heady mixture with the less savory smells rising from the sewers grates.

Though it was late morning on a Tuesday, the sidewalks were filled with dog-walkers and couples and Jon was charmed by the colorful entryways and clotheslines crisscrossing the alleyways. It was nothing like the miles of untouched tundra that Jon and Val were used to, but if they must be surrounded by people, Jon figured this was about as charming a neighborhood as they were likely to find.

[imaginesandideas]

Too much love will kill you

(part 3 of LOVE OF MY LIFE series; check out my masterlist for previous parts)

this one’s longer because I made all of you wait way too long

I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be

Too many bitter tears are raining down on me

I'm far away from home

And I've been facing this alone

For much too long

Last week was by far the most irritated with everything he remembered being. Every rehearsal has ended up with him either smashing his drums or starting a fight over whatever bullshit that could likely piss him off.

It could be anything. From Deaky’s sassy comments, through not enough cigarettes in the pack, Freddie being late, or a broken drumstick in the middle of recording.

Everything seemed to get on his nerves, and though others wouldn’t admit it, they were slowly losing their patience too.

“Roger darling, maybe you should just go, have a shag and relax. Cooling down won’t kill you.” Freddie exclaimed from the piano as Roger kept kicking his bass drum, in an attempt to focus.

“Oh fuck cooling down! I can’t play when I’m calm!”

“I’d like to point out that we haven’t recorded anything decent in a month, so clearly your rule doesn’t apply.” Deaky spoke coming up with 2 cups of coffee, one for himself, one for Freddie, at which Roger flipped him off with a huff. He knew they were right, but was far too proud to give in.

Nothing helped him to brush away the painful feeling in his chest. Seeing you has awakened some sort of bittersweet feeling that he’s been keeping hidden for the sake of carefree life. And there you were, glowing, shining even. So unaware of the pain you’ve caused him, so sweetly naive. Though he couldn’t blame you, after all he never said he got over it, maybe he just assumed you’d notice that he’s trying to be better. Better for you.

After hours of pointless sitting without achieving neither consensus, nor a single well recorded minute, Miami; with Brian’s help, dismissed Roger home. He wasn’t so happy about it, feeling as if he’d been betrayed, but decided it’s a chance for him to possibly get some sleep without those nagging thoughts he was getting at night.

Throwing his jacket and keys onto the sofa he gazed around the living room. If you could have seen that mess, you’d probably break up with him again, he thought.

Empty glasses and bottles were covering almost every piece of furniture, some of them were even scattered on the floor. Not to mention cigarettes. Horrendous amounts of them. He didn’t even think about opening the windows to let some fresh air in until that moment.

You would do that. You would force him to leave that smoky room every once in a while. You would care about getting things cleaned up. So maybe, just maybe he could do that for himself too.

Thinking about you again made that bitterness in his stomach sink even deeper, to the point of making him feel sick. Opening the balcony, he slowly stepped outside, dusty city breeze hitting him immediately and providing some sort of severe relief.

The sky was pretty grey, clouds covered the entirety of the skyline. Some kids were shouting from afar, sounds of water splashing from the neighbours’s pool.

Not looking away from the sky, his right hand wandered to the back pocket of his corduroy burgundy trousers. You hated them. You hated when he was smoking too, but since you two weren’t together anymore, he stopped trying to quit. And stopped caring so much about his appearance too.

He lit the cigarette and placed lighter he had bought on tour in America on the parapet.

Yeah, maybe he could get better. But it seemed so impossible when you weren’t the reason to.

Torn between the lover

And the love you leave behind

You're headed for disaster

'Cause you never read the signs

Too much love will kill you - every time.

He’s given you every proof that he still loved you, that he still couldn’t stop thinking about you when all you did was try to forget.

And it felt like shit. You were feeling like a traitor for making such a selfish decision, for leaving him, for giving him back your engagement ring. For putting him in your past, when in reality all he ever wanted was to be present in yours.

It was during the nights, when your mind wandered to the day of your breakup two years ago, when you had decided to end it all. The wind was blowing outside your window, not letting your thoughts drift away with sleep.

It was almost funny, how despite having a new partner, the one you planned to marry, all you could see was the look of sorrow on Roger’s face. The glistening of his disappointed eyes, the restlessness written in his brows and clenched jaw, his hollow cheeks and plucked lips, slightly open and almost trembling from the amount of emotions he’s been dealing with.

All because of you.

The more you were recalling, the more details you noticed. The more self doubts you were having.

“Brian? Umm, it’s _____.”

“_____! Long time no hear, huh?” It was past 4pm when you decided to call the person you knew and trusted enough with your concerns. You fiddled with flowers in the flacon as you thought of words to say. Brian was Roger’s long time friend, one of the best friends even, so without a doubt your whole plan was risky. Especially with the aftermaths of yours and Roger’s last meeting.

At the same time, who else could help you if not his best mate.

“Yeah, sorry if I’m interrupting! And... for not giving a sign of life for so long.” Your nervousness was clear, Brian didn’t need to see you to realize how difficult it was for you to call him. And it kind of broke him.

“No no! I actually just got back home, so you chose the right time.” Brian’s voice was so soothingly reassuring. Unbelievable how you two haven’t seen each other in a year or so, but he still managed to keep that friendly manner of his. Almost if nothing has changed. “It’s great to hear you.” A genuine smile appeared on your face and you could only wish he was able to see that.

“You too Bri. Still building guitars and destroying schemes?”

“Trying to.” He laughed. “Umm...What about you? I heard you’re, uh, stabilising soon?”

“He told you, right?”

“Well. It was hard not to hear when he forced everyone to listen to his drunk rambling one day.”

“Oh god.” You sat heavily on the sofa and exhaled over the phone. On the other side Brian leaned himself against the counter. Some time ago he’s promised himself not to get too engaged in Roger’s life choices and decisions. But even if he acted the opposite, he was more than devastated once he had found out about your broken engagement with Roger. “What did he say?”

Brian rubbed the tip of his nose with index finger as he struggled to choose the right words.

“That, uh... apparently you’re getting married and he didn’t realize it was for real until now.” Even if Roger never said that out loud, he kept his faith that one day you’ll change your mind. That it’s just a phase of yours, and that you need time. In a way, he was right. You did need time. But you no longer needed him. Or so you thought. “And that he, uh, he still loves you, which frankly speaking actually explains a lot of his recent behaviour.”

You took a deep breath. Back then, when you had decided to pack your bags and move on, you had thought that the hardest part is already behind you. What you did not expect, was Roger’s inability to let go. And that was leading you back to something you hoped to remove from your perfect breakup scenario. Doubts.

“Brian... I’m so sorry, I-I don’t even know what to say.”

“Oh! No need to apologize me _____. I shouldn’t even get involved in all this. This is your life after all.”

The phone line went silent for a while, none of you really keen on adding anything, mainly cause there was nothing more to add.

It was inevitable - no matter how much you wanted to avoid it, you had to talk to Roger.

“Um, I mean, you’ll do whatever you decide, and I’m sure you won’t regret it, but could I give you advice?” Brian’s voice was filled with both concern and care, something so brother-like.

“Of course Bri! God knows I need it...”

Brian chuckled at your words, but continued with serious voice. It sounded almost sad.

“Let your heart decide. I know how hard it is, I know you’ve been hurting, but remember those lessons and learn from them. I’m not going to convince you to anything, just know that sometimes rationality is not the best advisor. You’re strong _____. But don’t give up your vulnerability in order to keep it.”

You quickly wiped a tear that ran down your face with the back of your hand.

“Thank you Bri. I think I needed that.”

“Take care _____. And call more often! We all miss you.”

„You too Brian. Miss you all.”

That night you didn’t sleep. Your mind wandered elsewhere, through time you’ve lost, the one you saved, the time that was gone forever and the one that was ahead of you.

Like a twist of fate, your fiance was away so you’ve spent the night alone. Figuring out what to do with your indecisive heart.

~~~~~

next chapter in the works, so hopefully I won’t make you all wait as much next time!

(Comments, ideas and words of notice are always appreciated 💜)

SERIES taglist: taglist: @laubluered @ceruleanrainblues @rogersfalsettos @shae-is-not-ok @i-am-sarah @magicwithaknife @isabella-bby

Roger Taylor taglist: @rogersdrumkit @rogersfalsettos @erinhardytaylor @cyborgfromthesupermarket @sabbrriiinnaa @wolverinesbeer @simplyvictoria-93 @imamazzellhoe @shishterfackisback @rogerstambourinee @rockyroadthepastryarchy

(lmk if you want to be on/off the taglist!)

[laynesierra]

~Into the beast~

[Word count 3.4k+]

The night was long, cold and bitter. Without the fire that Nick had managed to keep alive throughout the night, they would've froze instantly or worse. Noelani couldn't sleep, she could hear the rustling of the harsh wind and the constant movement of whatever lurked outside these cave walls. The old dead trees rubbed against each other with each gust of wind, causing a high pitched 'screeching' noise. The noises on this forsaken planet were enough to send chills down her spine, she tossed and turned all night just thinking of what could possibly be waiting for them outside, ready to pounce at any given moment. She thought of her family, and how they must have been anxiously waiting for them at the spaceport yesterday, only to hear that they were most likely dead. She thought of the possibility of them never being discovered and rescued, if they weren't found soon, they will surely be dead in a couple of days. They couldn't survive on a few food rations, they needed more to sustain themselves and to keep them alive.

"Did you get any rest at all bug?" Nick asked her, noticing her eyes now open.

"No, not one bit. I couldn't get comfortable knowing where we are." she sighed. "I couldn't stop thinking about how my parents must believe that we're dead, and how they'll blame themselves for inviting us to come visit. My mom will lock herself up for days over this just like she did when Aunt Risha died. My dad will smother himself in his work until he runs himself into the ground. They'll lose it, and I'll never get the chance again to tell them how much I love them. What if we never get rescued, we're gonna die out here by the hands of those creatures out there hunting us or we're gonna starve to death. What if this is it? What if this is how we die? I don't want to die like this Nick, we're never-"

"Noel, stop. You're going to drive yourself insane with these thoughts. We can't think about the what ifs, we've got to focus on what we can do to get ourselves off this planet. We can get through this together and I promise you that I will do whatever it takes to get you rescued and to keep you safe, you're my priority and I promise to always take care of you bug. You know that right?" he assured her, stroking her long brown curls.

"Thank you." she told him with a soft smile.

"For what?"

"For always keeping me focused and making sure my head is on straight. You always know just what to say. I love you, and I promise to always keep you safe." she smiled into his shoulder, closing her eyes as he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

_________________________

"So, this is where you grew up?" he asked as they walked through the fields on Dantooine.

"Yes, I've been here my entire life. I couldn't think of a better place for my parents to raise me." she grinned, thinking of her life here with her family.

"It's amazing here, better than being raised on Taris." he laughed.

"I'll bet." she said thinking about the trip he took her and her family on to visit his home world. "Those Rakghouls still give me nightmares." she laughed as her thoughts wandered to those atrocious creatures.

"I was hoping we could avoid those nasty buggers! But at least we're safely away from them here." he said as they sat down on a nearby cliffside looking over the green fields.

"We definitely are, here the sunsets grace us with their beautiful presence." she noted as the sun started to set in the distance. It's rays reaching far across the pastures and their hills, causing a golden hour to cast on everything it touched. "I never get tired of watching the sunset, it's so beautiful."

"Yes, yes you are." he said out of the blue, staring into her brown eyes. His eyes were a beautiful shade of blue, with grey outlined around the ring of his eyes. They shimmered and sparkled in this lighting, and she couldn't help but fall deeper in love with Nick Shae. Her cheeks blushed in the brightest shade of red, she loved that Nick had this effect on her. He always complimented her and her family, her parents loved him, and she just knew that this was the man she was meant to spend the rest of her life with.

"Come on, I want to show you something." he grabbed her hand and helped her up. He led her along on a flower grown path, she knew this place as it was her favorite spot to gather her thoughts. The waterfall could be heard before you could even see it, its thunderous force clashed on the rocks as it fell to meet the body of water below it. She had a lot of memories here with her family as they came here often to swim, she could always come here to unwind when she needed time to herself. She would lie underneath the nearby Blba trees and watch as the Manta rays flew overhead, careful to not lay up against the thorny tree trunks.

"Close your eyes." he told her as they approached her favorite spot. She could hear the softness of the grass underneath her shoes as they walked with their every step in sync and she could feel the warmness of the sun on her face and the gentle warm hand interlocked with hers. "Stay right there." he told her as they stopped with her eyes still shut, she could hear him moving nearby, shuffling around her. About a minute or so had passed by since she stood still in her tracks. "Nick? Are you still there?" she questioned.

"Just one sec... okay now open." she opened her eyes to see a beautiful picnic he had set up for them on the field of flowers. A blanket had been spread out with food already prepared and plated, there were even glasses of Blossom wine poured for them and candles had been lit on a rock next to their dinner. The sun had set even further, providing a romantic and illuminating glow on the waterfall next to them overhead. Noelani couldn't believe her eyes, she gasped at the sight of one of the many thoughtful dates that Nick had planned. He was thoughtful like that, and he knew how to treat a lady right. He respected Noelani and never once thought to mistreat her, he spoke with respect and treated her with dignity since the moment they met.

"Noel..." she heard Nick say in a soft tone behind her. She turned herself around to find Nick down on bended knee. Immediately her eyes widened, and her hands covered her mouth in shock.

"Noelani, with the short amount of time that we've known each other, these past 6 months have been nothing but wonderful. I've got to see the beautiful woman you are inside and out; you've helped me to become a better and stronger man for you every day. When I'm not with you, my heart aches in great pain and my thoughts are constantly on you until I can be in your arms again. I love everything about you, and I don't want to live another moment apart from you. Out of everything in this galaxy, you are the best thing out there and I'm so proud to call you mine. You are my whole world and I never want to imagine a life without you. I am in this for the many journeys that lie ahead for us, I promise to be here to make you laugh, be your shoulder to cry on, be the arms you need when everything else is falling apart, I'm here to stand by you through whatever this galaxy throws at us, I'll be your rock and your provider until there is no more breath left in me and I'll be in your corner when everything else is against you. I'm here now and I'm here forever. I love you with every beat of my heart and I would be honored to call you my wife. Noelani Grey Caris, will you marry me?"

"Yes, a thousand times yes!!" she said with tears flowing from her eyes. He grinned widely as his eyes turned glossy, building up with tears. He stood up pulling Noelani into a tight hug, lifting her off the ground and spinning her around, kissing her softly.

"I love you so much." he choked as he wiped his eyes. "I'm so glad you said yes, and I'm so happy your father didn't turn me away and chase me off when I asked for your hand." he laughed. "I had this ring made weeks ago as I was mustering up the courage to ask you. I wanted this to be perfect, I had it custom made from Beskar." he said as he pulled out the ring. "It's the strongest steel ever known, it can withstand high tolerance and increase strength. This ring represents how strong my love for you is, it won't break or weaken, and I promise to always protect you and keep you safe. Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum ratiin" he promised as he slid the ring on her finger.

"It's so perfect Nick, you're so perfect. I love you so much." she wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly as they slow danced to the sound of the waterfall under the setting sun.

___________________________

"Bug, did you hear that?" Nick asked, pulling her out of her thoughts. She had been reminiscing in her mind to a time when things and just life itself was much simpler and not so dangerous, when they didn't have to worry about if they were safe or if they'd even make it through the night.

"Hmm? Hear what?"

"I heard something..." He paused. "Almost like the buzzing sound of a ship engine. It could be smugglers or scavengers, I'm sure there's some sort of junk lying around here that's worth something. I think we should go investigate; they could help us get to safety, and I have a bit of credits on me to spare in case they need a bribe." Nick stated as he got himself up from the cave floor.

"Um, yeah we can try. What other option do we have? We've got nothing to lose."

"Let's get ourselves off this rock." he said as he held his hands out for Noalani to grab. She reached up and grabbed his hands, pulling herself up to stand. As soon as she stood, the excruciating pain reemerged. The stab wounds on her abdomen that had been wrapped, reopened and started to spill out with blood. Noelani gasped in pain, wrapping her arms around her stomach as she fell to the floor.

"NOEL!" Nick screamed. The pain made her dizzy and the room was starting to spin, she could feel the nausea setting in. She hadn't stood up since they found this cave, laying on the floor had apparently kept her wounds sealed but as soon as she moved in an upwards position, they tore themselves open again. She needed medical attention and soon, if Nick didn't get help, she would eventually bleed out.

"Tell me what's going on! Where does it hurt?!" he asked as he kneeled in front of her, cupping her face in his hands.

"The stab wounds, they reopened." she managed to say, trying to hold herself back from screaming in pain.

"Okay, do we have anymore wraps??"

"Yeah in my bag." He immediately started digging through her backpack, rummaging through to find the wraps. She only had one left, but it was just enough to seal up her wounds for now until they could find help.

"Any better?"

"Yeah a bit." The wrap helped, but it still hurt like crazy. As long as she didn't move too much, she could keep the wounds from reopening, but she couldn't hold that position for long. "You need to go find help; I'll be fine as long as I stay here."

"I won't leave you Noel. You're badly hurt and I need to take care of you." he objected.

"And I appreciate that, but what good is that going to do if we'll be dead in a few days without help? Those scavengers will be gone soon, and they're our only hope of getting home. I can't go with you I'll only slow you down, and besides I can't even stand. You need to leave me, I'll be right here waiting for you. I promise."

She could see his eyes debating as he looked into hers, he knew she was right, but it still didn't sit well with him knowing that she'd be here all alone without protection. "Nick, I'll be fine. After all my husband is a Mandalorian, and I wouldn't be a Shae if I didn't pick up on a few good tricks." She smiled, trying to relieve his worries. Finally, he sighed in defeat knowing that his efforts to object were no good if he was debating against Noelani.

"I'll come back for you in 24 hours. Don't move from this cave under any circumstances!"

"I promise. Now please take the backpack, I'll keep a couple rations here for me, but you need the pack more than I do."

"Alright, but I'm leaving my knife with you. I'll feel a little better knowing that you'll have something to defend yourself with." His eyes were covered with fear and worry as he looked at his injured wife. She knew that they didn't have any other choice, she trusted Nick and she knew he would find help to save them both.

"Okay, hopefully I won't need to use it. You better get going before nightfall."

"No matter what happens I will come back for you, and I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. You know that right?"

"I know, and I trust you with my whole heart." he pulled her into his arms and kissed her cheeks, forehead and nose. He cupped her face and kissed her passionately, not knowing with lies ahead for him outside these cave walls. He promised himself that he would get her to safety, and he'll do just that. He hugged her one last time and kissed her softly before standing up and walking out of the cave. Before he left the entrance, he turned around and got one last look at his wife. "I love you Noel, I'll see you soon."

"And I love you!" she watched as he turned the corner and disappear from her sight...

It was creepy in the cave at night, the noises seemed to get louder as the hours went by. It had been about 4 hours since Nick left her to search for help. She kept the fire lit with the twigs and small branches that Nick had managed to find for her, and she kept her eyes fixed on the entrance for any signs of danger, but especially to keep an eye out for Nick in case he returned sooner than expected. She could hear the crunching of leaves outside, the steps sounded small likely a little harmless creature scavenging for food. Out of nowhere she heard an agonizing scream, she could tell that it was quite a distance from her by the way it echoed off the walls. The scream sounded deep, like it came from a man. Her thoughts immediately went to Nick, what if he was in trouble? He could be dangling from a cliff somewhere, and there's no one to help him. She knew she made a promise to Nick to stay put, his words ringing in her ears "Don't move from this cave under any circumstances!" But she just knew that he was in trouble, she couldn't just sit here and wait, she needed to find him.

With every muscle in her body, she managed to stand herself up. Instantly her wounds reopened and began to bleed making her head start to spin but she didn't have time to feel weak or sick, Nick was in trouble, and she needed to find him. She forced herself to push past the pain as she limped towards the entrance, holding Nick's knife in one hand as the other clenched her stomach. As she approached the cave entrance, she saw those all too familiar eyes appear in the doorway. It's yellow beady eyes staring down Noelani, snarling with its sharp teeth and piercing claws. The creature had a scaly hide, indicating its defense against aggressors. Now that she had gotten a better look at it, she realized that she had heard about these creatures, strange thing was they weren't native to this planet. They've only been heard to be found on Odessen, so what was it doing here? Noelani froze instantly in her steps trying to calm her breathing, she hoped that as long as she didn't move, this beast would turn away and leave her alone. The more she looked into its eyes, the more she came to realize that this creature didn't hunt for food, it hunted merely for game. Her eyes grew wide as it inched closer, its every step shook the floor beneath her feet. Without a moment's notice, it growled and then disappeared. She frantically looked around the cave, looking for any sign of its stealthed presence. She could hear its heavy breathing behind her and feel the beasts hot breath on her neck, knowing very well that it was taunting her.

Still holding the knife in her hand, she tightened her grip on the weapon thrusting the blade back and stabbed it into the gut of the beast. It groaned and screamed in pain; she pulled the blade out and bolted towards the entrance. She could feel her heart racing as the cold and dark air pierced her face. The fog was thicker at night, making it difficult and somewhat impossible to see. The creature was wounded but she could hear its heavy steps chasing after her, the stab had slowed it down but that wasn't going to stop it from making its kill. She heard another desperate scream in the distance as she grew closer to it. "IM COMING NICK!!" she screamed, hoping that her words made it to him. She could feel the adrenaline rushing through her veins, giving her the energy she needed to endure the pain she was feeling. Even though she was being chased by a crazy blood thirsty beast, and she was dripping in her own blood, she smiled knowing that she was close to finding her Nick. All those thoughts quickly faded as the beast pounced on her, causing her body to be thrown over a nearby cliff.

With all the heavy fog, she hadn't noticed the cliff that was beside her as she ran. She dangled as she held on with merely one hand, her other still holding the knife.

"HELP!!" she screamed violently, even though she knew no one would be coming to her aid. The beasts steps grew closer as it snarled and growled at her. She couldn't hold on forever and her grip began to weaken, if she let go of the knife to pull herself up, she would have no defense to fight this creature off. But if she let go, she could fall to her death not knowing how far the drop was. She didn't want to die by the hands of this beast, she didn't want to die at all.

"I'm not giving you this pleasure." She told the beast as she took a deep breath and released her hand. She kept her eyes locked onto those yellow murderous eyes as she fell, her body flying through the air as she tried to slow her descent. She screamed as she grasped for anything that could possibly being growing on the side of the cliff, only to find the sharp shards of rocks as they cut through the palm of her left hand. Her body slammed itself into a giant tree and slid down its thick branches, she frantically reached her arm out trying to grasp a branch with her bloody hand as the friction of bark stung her palm, leaving splinters in her cuts. Her hand was covered in blood, making it impossible to hold onto the tree. She hit every branch, causing cuts and bruises to immediately form. Everything went black as she finally landed on her back, hitting her head on a nearby pile of fallen rocks...

[fairysharkmother]

Hey sea family, I came out as trans to my mum 5 years ago. I recently asked her to use the right name and pronouns but she told me she needs more time. I know I can't push her, but I don't have any more time to give, I can't wait anymore, I could be waiting forever and I've lost hope for everything. I don't know what to do

hello love,

i’m very proud of you for coming out! that can be especially hard with family so i am happy that you found the strength and courage to do so

i feel compelled to view both sides of this situation. considering it was five years ago, some would say that would be more than enough time to make that change in behavior towards you, such as abiding by your new pronouns and such. but also, it’s important to know that is your mother and sadly, it’s typically the parents that take the longest to understand the “new you.” i’m glad you recognize this and don’t want to pressure her to hurry up. at the same time, i know how vital it is for a trans person’s self-image to be referred to by new pronouns and a new name. i would imagine she still wants to see you happy and flourishing today, just the same as the past and future.

what i would recommend is sitting down with her and having an informative conversation about it, explaining to her why this is so important for you (especially for your mental health), and encourage her to pour more effort into it. if possible, try avoiding pinning direct blame on her and emphasize your feelings, not her actions. that could result in her shutting down, maybe. if you need to, let out all of that festering energy within you. get emotional. it is perfectly understandable to get upset or start crying. even if that makes her uncomfortable for some reason, letting all that negativity out from inside will make you feel so much better and emphasize how much this means to you

i sincerely wish you luck in this. i’m positive that the sea family and all our sea babies here will be here for you no matter what. if you would like to come off anon and tell me how the situation went, i would really appreciate that. the anon sea we have is vast, so i worry about some answers going unread to those who submitted the questions. i know some things are more comfortable left on anon, but you will be notified faster when your message has been responded to

~shae the siren