#like i'm very aware of how long a new modern takes

[alsofoundinpeas]

In the Blink of a Lens

Summary: When Spencer Reid finally succumbs to technology and gets a smartphone, he takes a tentative step into the digital world by sending his best friend (and colleague) Y/N a picture. What starts as an innocent attempt to embrace modern tech leaves Y/N flustered as the seemingly innocent gesture forces her to confront feelings she’s been ignoring for years. Neither of them is prepared for the powerful impact of a single, innocent photo as the lines between friendship and something more start to blur.

(AKA Spencer sends the above selfie and reader gets horny because his hand is quite literally swallowing the phone HAHAHA)

CONTENT WARNINGS: 18+ MDNI!! This fic is intended for adult audiences. Hand kink/fixation. Overstimulation. Oral (both m and f receiving). Fingering. Unprotected sex/P in V sex (do as I say not as I do and STAY PROTECTED IRL!!). Dirty talk/praise kink. Softdom!Spencer and bratty!sub!reader. Some religious phrasing (because who are fanfic writers really without it?) Pull-out method used (again, do as I say not as I do!!) Very brief mention of a sex toy (doesn't get used). Fluffy smut. Two idiots in love/best friends to lovers trope. <3

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!BAU!reader

A/N: This is my humble contribution to the Spencer Reid hand kink supremacy (no but seriously how are his hands THAT attractive??). This is kinda sorta an AU I guess because I wrote this with season four Reid in mind but I'm not sure (and Google will not give me a clear answer) if that type of iPhone was around then so let's just pretend it was for the sake of the fic pls. :') Also the "Sincerely, Spencer Reid" was a direct nod to B99's very own Raymond Holt because I could definitely see him and Spence handling tech the same way LMAO. As always, please tell me what you think! :) If you enjoy it, please like, reblog, and share it with your friends! <3 Thank you and I love you all :) (I also ask that my work not be uploaded to other platforms or translated without my explicit permission. Thank you!)

Am I doing this selfie thing right? Sincerely, Spencer Reid

The screen felt almost blinding in the dim lighting of Y/N's bedroom as she stared slack-jawed at the image open on her phone.

Spencer finally upgraded to a smartphone a week ago after an unfortunate crash to the ground (stupid raised sidewalk) shattered the old flip phone that had long ago earned him the nickname "Grandpa" from his pain-in-the-ass-loving best friend. Y/N had never seen a man so devastated over losing what was essentially a brick that made calls, so to cheer him up, she helped him pick out a new phone and set it up.

She was beginning to regret that decision as she gawked at the selfie Spencer had sent.

It was sweet—an innocent photo of him sitting in his car, just after finishing the paperwork he’d insisted on handling alone, despite her offers to help. He'd banished her to her apartment, as stubborn as ever. The shot was taken in his rearview mirror, a faint grin tugging at his lips, his maple-toned eyes obscured by the phone. There was nothing about the image that should have made her pulse quicken. But when the realization hit her, a rush of warmth flooded her face.

It was his hand.

His hand seemed almost too big for the phone, dwarfing it as he snapped the picture. It wasn’t that she hadn’t noticed how large his hands were—everyone did—but she’d never given it much thought. Until now. Watching the way his fingers effortlessly swallowed the device, she couldn’t tear her eyes away. There was something about the sheer size of his hand, the way it seemed to overpower the phone, that made her suddenly hyper-aware of every detail.

His fingers were long, elegant, and well-cared-for; fingers that seemed capable of touching parts of her she'd never been able to reach on her own—

No. No, no, no. There was absolutely no way she was having these thoughts about Spencer Reid. Spencer, her endearingly awkward best friend of four years. Her rock. Her partner in the field. The man she’d always thought of as just that—nothing more. Well...

Y/N did have a crush on him once, in the earliest stages of their friendship. But it was just a small, silly, unreciprocated crush that she locked away in the deepest parts of her subconscious so that she could at least still be his friend. She accepted that it would never happen and moved on. Or she thought she had...

A muffled curse leaves Y/N's lips as she realizes she never responded, her thumbs hovering over the keyboard as she struggles to think of a response. Since when has she ever struggled to talk to Spencer? Seriously, what the fuck was wrong with her tonight? Was she ovulating?

Y/N: Next time, show off those pretty brown eyes of yours and you've got it down pat :)

Okay... That sounded way flirtier than she intended... But that's how they usually joked with each other, right? She was just overthinking everything because she was exhausted from their most recent case. That's it.

Y/N: Also... why have you not put your phone case on yet?? You're practically begging for another sidewalk incident to happen, Grandpa.

That's better. That feels normal.

She sets her phone down on her nightstand, picking up her abandoned book to continue reading. Y/N's heart rate is almost back to normal when her phone's ringtone blaring startles her, the book falling to her lap with a muted thud. An annoyed groan rumbles in her throat as she reaches over to grab the device, internally praying it wasn't Hotch calling with another case. They had JUST gotten back from Ohio not even six hours ago and she just wanted to rest—

To her surprise, it was Spencer calling.

"It's awfully late for you to be calling, Grandpa," Y/N drawled as she answered the call, her lips curling up into a grin as she heard Spencer scoff on the other line. "Shouldn't you be in bed by now?"

"I am in bed," Spencer grumbled in response, and she could hear some shuffling as he got comfortable. "And I put the case on right after I sent the selfie, thank you very much. Speaking of, did you know that the origin of selfies was actually believed to be..."

Spencer launched into a thorough explanation of not only the origins of selfies but also a detailed account of why self-portraits came about. Y/N hung onto every word, just as she always did when he spoke. Most people found his rambling to be annoying, but not her. She thought it was fascinating how much information he kept tucked away in that brain of his and was more than willing to listen and ask questions about anything he blurted out.

The conversation stretches on for another hour, neither of them wanting to be the one to end it. It’s not until the fifth yawn escapes Spencer that Y/N finally chuckles into the phone before reluctantly saying goodnight. Spencer’s voice is warm as he wishes her sweet dreams, and the call ends with the soft beep of disconnecting. And, for the first time in a long while, sweet dreams she did have…

"Does that feel good? Hm, pretty girl?" Spencer murmured into her ear as she writhed between his spread legs, her bare back pressed flush to his clothed chest.

The night had started with celebratory drinks after finally closing one of their more grueling cases, the team getting some much-needed relaxation and bonding in. Spencer was Y/N's designated driver as per usual since he didn't drink, instead choosing to nurse a soda as he eyed Y/N down from across the booth.

He was directly across from her, snugly between Derek and Hotch. But he wasn't paying attention to them. His eyes had been fixated on her from the moment she'd come back from the bar with Emily and Penelope, tracing the contours of her flushed face as she tipped her head back and took another shot.

Y/N had no intentions of getting completely drunk, instead choosing to remain just tipsy enough to enjoy the warmth that flowed through her body from the alcohol and maintain a steady buzz. That way she could be aware of her surroundings while also enjoying herself and the company of her team.

The bar was dim, the pounding of her heartbeat matching the beat of the music bumping overhead as her gaze fell on Spencer. Her brows furrowed at the unabashedly hungry look in his eyes, her tongue poking out to wet her lips subconsciously. She had to have been hallucinating. There was no way he'd be looking at her like that... right?

But he had been. And that same look is exactly what led them to where they were now, with Spencer propped up against her headboard holding her at his mercy while his fingers pumped tirelessly into her drenched pussy. She was sure the sight of them was downright filthy, an erotic contrast of her completely bare body pressed against his fully clothed one.

Y/N was in shambles, her legs trembling as her nails dug uselessly into his thighs while soft whimpers and moans flowed freely from her kiss-swollen lips. Her mind was reeling, a dizzying mixture of the remaining alcohol in her system, the pleasure coiling tightly in her lower stomach, and the knowledge that it was Spencer causing said pleasure.

She was so, so close... just a few more strokes of his fingers and...

A sharp gasp sounded through the bedroom as Y/N jolted awake, her chest heaving as she shakily sat up to turn off her alarm. She blinked hard, attempting to clear the fog from her vision as she fell back into her pillows. The dull aching between her thighs served as a sore reminder of what she was so close to achieving in her dream...

Her eyes snapped open as the memory of the dream hit her like a tidal wave. Guilt, confusion, and sheer horror crashed over her, and she groaned, her hands dragging down her face in frustrated disbelief. She’d just had a dream—a wet dream—about Spencer Fucking Reid.

What had gotten into her?

Before she could dive too deep into why her crush on Spencer had apparently resurfaced with a vengeance after being dormant for so long, her phone dinged with a message from the genius himself. It felt like the universe was rubbing salt in the wound, taunting her for the forbidden thoughts she couldn’t seem to shake about her best friend.

Spence <3: Are you going to get coffee? Sincerely, Spencer Reid

Y/N snorted out a laugh at how he signed his text, shaking her head as she responded.

Y/N: ... Spence, you don't have to sign your name on each text. I have your number saved. And yes, I am :)

A minute passes before his response comes through.

Spence <3: Oh. Well then, can you also bring me coffee please?

Y/N: Of course I can <3

Her earlier guilt lingers in the pit of her stomach as she sets the phone down, rolling out of bed with a sigh to begin getting ready for work. How was she going to face him after having a dream like that? Maybe it was a fluke; a one-off occurrence manifested from her lack of sexual endeavors so her brain had no choice but to use Spencer as a fill-in for her fantasies.

Opting to pretend it never happened so she could face her best friend later, Y/N finished getting ready and left for the café, determined to get there on time for work.

The elevator dinged as Y/N strolled into the bullpen, her and Spencer's usual orders in hand and a soft smile on her face. Thankfully, today was a paperwork day—a task most of the team dreaded, but one Y/N welcomed. It gave her a chance to recover from the constant motion sickness from the jet and the relentless flirtations of the officers when they worked cases out of state.

"Mm, my very own coffee fairy!" Spencer grinned, setting down the stack of papers he’d been poring over. His eyes sparkled as she made her way across the room, finally meeting his gaze from across the desk as she stopped in front of him. "Have I ever told you you're the best?"

"Yes, you have," Y/N teased with a playful grin, holding out his coffee. "But I don’t mind hearing it more often."

Her dream, it seemed, hadn’t been a fluke, a realization that hits her as Spencer grabs his coffee. Her eyes involuntarily track the way his fingers curl around the Styrofoam cup, and a shiver runs up her spine when they inadvertently brush against hers. Her cheeks flush as she quickly pulls her gaze away, meeting his curious eyes instead.

"You feeling okay, Y/N? You look a little flushed," Spencer murmured, his brow furrowed in concern as he eyed her over the rim of his cup.

Y/N blinked, her heart pounding in her throat as she swallowed and nodded. The sight had sent her mind reeling, the memory of those same fingers buried deep inside of her in her dream the night before surfacing against her will.

"Y-yeah. Yeah, I'm fine I just-"

Before Y/N could finish stammering out her lame excuse, Morgan sauntered into the bullpen with Garcia, the pair immediately honing in on her and Spencer as they made their way over.

"Oh, c'mon Y/N! Seriously? Pretty boy here gets a coffee but the rest of us don't?" Morgan taunted, chuckling as Y/N reached out to playfully swat at his arm with an eye roll.

"Well obviously! He's her work husband," Penelope chimed in matter-of-factly, giggling as she wiggled her eyebrows. "It would mean a divorce was brewing if she didn't."

The team had started the joke years ago, teasing her and Spencer for being the youngest members and for how quickly they’d clicked. To everyone else, it was obvious their friendship ran deeper than either of the two realized. The problem was that neither one of them could see it. Some profilers they were.

No matter how many times the joke was made, Spencer’s face still turned bright red every single time.

"Har dee har har," Spencer scoffed, his eyes shifting to the cup still gripped in his hand.

The banter was cut short as Hotch stepped out of his office, everyone mumbling their goodbyes and scurrying back to their desks to get their work done. Y/N welcomed the distraction with open arms, diving into her work to try to get her mind off of her conflicted feelings towards her best friend.

All day long, Y/N fought the growing urge to watch Spencer’s hands, but it was impossible to ignore. Her eyes were drawn to the way his fingers traced the edge of a case file as he analyzed it, or how they drummed a steady rhythm on his desk, each tap somehow amplifying the tension she was trying to suppress.

Her breaking point came when the team was wrapping up for the day. Spencer, eager to show off, insisted on demonstrating a new cardistry trick he’d learned. The rest of the team gathered around, and Y/N felt herself drawn in, unable to look away. Her eyes locked on his fingers as he deftly manipulated the cards, the muscles in his hands flexing with each smooth, controlled movement. She barely registered her open mouth or the way her pulse quickened—every part of her attention was on him.

Y/N was jolted back to reality when Emily nudged her, a raised eyebrow full of amusement as the rest of the team cheered and complimented Spencer on his newly acquired skill. Rather than meet Emily’s knowing look, Y/N quickly murmured her praise for Spencer, then hastily made her exit, claiming she needed to hit a store before it closed.

If she thought that day was bad, the next few weeks were hell.

The BAU had two back-to-back cases, leaving them no time to rest as they flew straight from Tennessee to Arizona. The dry heat seemed to make Spencer restless—constantly running his fingers through his hair, fidgeting with his watch, or rolling up his sleeves. Meanwhile, Y/N felt her sanity slipping away, her thoughts unraveling as she stumbled over her words or completely lost track of what she was saying—because she couldn’t stop staring at those goddamned hands.

Spencer wasn’t blind to the shift in her behavior. He’d noticed how she started to occupy herself with something whenever he entered the room, or how she became increasingly uneasy around him—spinning the rings on her fingers, tugging at the necklace he'd given her for her last birthday, or even finding reasons to leave the room entirely the moment he stepped in.

Y/N's usual teasing had begun to feel hollow, and the familiar touches she used to give him—guiding him gently by the hand, rubbing his shoulder when frustration set in, or planting an exaggerated kiss on his cheek before leaving—had completely disappeared.

He felt gutted, unable to think of a single reason for Y/N's sudden distance. The uncertainty gnawed at him, twisting his stomach with worry. What if she was tired of him? Or worse… what if she had finally seen through his feelings for her and was repulsed by them?

When the team wrapped up in Arizona and boarded the jet home, Spencer made up his mind.

After Y/N chose to sit next to Emily instead of her usual spot beside him, he couldn’t take it anymore. The not knowing was eating at him, and more than anything… he missed her. She was the one person who saw him for who he truly was, the one who understood him better than he understood himself. The one who brought him solace during the toughest cases and reminded him why he kept going. The thought of losing her was unbearable, and he promised himself he’d do whatever it took to fix whatever had gone wrong.

As soon as the jet touched down in Quantico, Y/N quickly muttered her goodbyes and made a beeline for the parking garage. Finally, she was free. Free to go home, shut herself off, and stop behaving like a complete mess around Spencer. She hated how distant she’d been, but she couldn’t help it. The weight of her obsessive thoughts about him and the feelings she’d tried to bury for so long had completely overridden her rational thoughts, leaving her acting out of control.

Fingers closed around her upper arm just inches from her car, and a sharp yelp escaped her lips. She spun around, startled, to find an equally surprised Spencer standing there. She had been so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she hadn't heard him following her.

"Jesus, Grandpa! Make an announcement before you sneak up on people!" Y/N complained loudly, turning away from him to unlock her car and toss her go bag into the backseat.

Spencer couldn't help but feel some relief at the nickname, a surge of hope coursing through him. Grandpa. She hadn't called him that in almost two weeks. He cleared his throat, holding onto his courage as he finally addressed her recent behavior.

"Sorry! Sorry, I just— I wanted to make sure we were okay? I’ve noticed you’ve been acting… not like yourself lately. Not that I’m calling you weird or anything—"

Y/N's heart broke at the nervous rambling spewing from his lips as he stood before her, tucked into himself and fidgeting with his hands as he tried to speak. God, she was such an asshole.

"Spence," Y/N murmured, gently interrupting him before letting out a soft sigh. "I promise, we're fine. I’m sorry if I’ve seemed distant. It’s just… I’ve been so stressed with the cases, and compartmentalizing has been harder than usual. I guess I didn’t want to drag you into it. I’m really sorry."

It wasn't necessarily a lie. She really had been stressed and struggling with compartmentalizing... just not because of their job.

Spencer’s shoulders relaxed, his tense expression softening into one of understanding. “You know I’m always here for you, right? You don’t have to carry that burden alone. I’d much rather you let me in than struggle with it on your own."

Scratch that. She wasn't just an asshole. She was the biggest asshole in the world for making him feel the way he had.

"I know that. I really do," Y/N murmured, her fingers nervously playing with her lip. "It's just… I get way too independent sometimes." She sighed, then brightened. "How about this? Tomorrow’s our first Saturday off in over a month… Why don’t you come over and we can do a movie marathon? We could use some good 'work spouse' bonding, don’t you think?"

Spencer’s smile stretched across his face, his voice a little more eager than usual and his cheeks flushed. "Yeah, I'd, uh... I'd love that. Let's do it."

Y/N returned his grin, her heart fluttering from how excited he looked. Relief flooded through her veins as he agreed to her plans, not realizing how much she had truly missed him the past few weeks since she'd been so focused on trying not to gawk at him every five minutes.

"Perfect. It’s a date,” Y/N teased, her smile widening. “Now, get in. I’m not letting you take the train back this late."

"What? Isn't this what you wanted, sweetheart?" Spencer crooned into her ear, tightening his hold around her wrists as he kept them pinned above her head.

Another frustrated whine left her lips as she tugged uselessly against his hold, but they both knew she didn't actually want to slip free. One of his hands was wrapped tightly around both of her wrists, his other tracing maddeningly up and down her side.

"Or did you want Officer Davidson's hands on you instead?" His tone was taunting, a hint of jealousy tainting his words as he tightened his grip.

The moment they stepped into their shared hotel room after leaving the precinct, Spencer was all over her. She’d noticed the heated glares he shot her way while she stood across the room, wearing a bored expression as Officer Davidson repeatedly (and unsuccessfully) tried to flirt with her.

They hadn't announced their new relationship status to the team yet per Spencer's insistence, but it was obvious from the intensity in Spencer’s eyes that he wanted to shout it to the world now. The way he glared at Davidson made it clear he was ready to stake his claim, watching the officer eye her like prey.

Now they were here, with Spencer hellbent on making sure she understood that she was his.

Y/N shook her head, looking up at Spencer pleadingly as she tilted her hips up in search of his. "No, never. Only want you, Spence."

A dark chuckle escaped him as he smirked down at her, his hand, which had been trailing along her side, now cupping her chin. His fingers gently squeezed her cheeks, coaxing her lips into a pout.

"Only me? Is that right, sweet girl?" Spencer cooed, loosening his grip to press on her bottom lip with his thumb before sliding the digit into her mouth. "Because it sure looked like you were enjoying his attention."

The flushed head of his cock teased her entrance, pressing between her folds as his hips slowly rocked back and forth, prolonging her teasing instead of giving her what she wanted. She groaned around his thumb, sucking the digit further into her mouth and holding his gaze in an effort to tempt him into finally fucking her instead of just grinding against her.

A soft hiss fell from his lips as his gaze darkened. He shifted his weight above her, keeping her wrists clasped in his hand and shoving them into the mattress as he began to rut against her harder. Her sharp gasp sounded through the air as he angled his hips up, the tip of his cock dipping into her deliciously before he halted his movements, keeping only a few inches inside of her.

Y/N writhed beneath him, whimpering her protests around his thumb as her jaw slackened, muffled pleas spilling from her lips as she began to beg uselessly for him to just fuck her already.

Spencer pressed down on her tongue with his thumb, a grunt escaping him before he yanked his thumb out of her mouth, using the hand to pin her down instead.

"Be still—"

Y/N’s eyes fluttered open, the harsh light of morning pouring through her curtains, and she let out a disgruntled groan as she blindly searched for her phone on the nightstand. After weeks of peaceful, dreamless sleep, of course she would dream about Spencer the night before their hangout. Wait—

Y/N sat up abruptly, unlocking her phone to check the time, only to notice a message waiting for her on the lock screen.

Spence <3: I’ll be there in an hour with a surprise.

Sent twenty-three minutes ago.

Fuck. She'd completely forgotten to set an alarm to get ready for their movie marathon, despite being the one who had suggested it in the first place. Whatever brain cells that photo had scrambled in her brain needed to get a grip so she could function on a level above Neanderthal.

Y/N: Surprise? You spoil me, old man. I'll see you then :)

Y/N exhaled wearily, rolling out of bed and dragging her feet across the plush carpet. She shuffled over to her dresser, picking out an outfit consisting of black yoga pants and an old band tee before heading to the bathroom for a cold shower. Maybe it would clear her head—or at least get rid of the incessant aching between her thighs. It worked on men, right?

One miserable shower and a change of clothes later, Y/N finally managed to clear some of the fog clouding her mind. She darted around her apartment, tidying up in a flurry before Spencer arrived. Moving between the kitchen and the living room, she gathered everything for their movie marathon: a pile of 90's slasher films spread out on the coffee table, her biggest throw blanket draped across the sectional, and a bag of popcorn popping away in the microwave.

Spencer's signature knock rang through the apartment at the same time the microwave started beeping, signaling that the popcorn was done.

"Coming!" Y/N shouted from the kitchen, opening the microwave door so it wouldn't repeat the shrill noise before making her way to the front door.

She swings it open with an excited grin, her gaze immediately dropping to the bag in Spencer's hand. She beckons for Spencer to come in, trying to sneak a peek at what was in the slightly crinkled paper bag.

"Geez, don't look too excited to see me," Spencer chuckled, following Y/N into her kitchen.

She waved dismissively, laughing softly as she grabbed the bag of popcorn and a bowl to pour it into. Spencer sat the bag on the counter, finally revealing its contents as he pulled out a tub of ice cream and some sour gummy worms.

"A man after my own heart!" Y/N gasped with an exaggerated swoon, cackling as Spencer swatted at her playfully.

"You said you were stressed, and I know you’ve got a sweet tooth just like me, so I figured it’d be perfect for our movie marathon," Spencer said with a shrug, the faintest blush creeping up his neck.

That kind of thoughtful behavior was just another reason her emotions had been in turmoil for the past few weeks. The selfie had opened a door to a spiral of introspection, one that made her revisit every moment they’d shared. She had always known their friendship straddled the line between platonic and something more, but she’d convinced herself it was simply because they were so comfortable with one another. It wasn’t until now that she began to wonder if those boundaries had been blurred intentionally — if, deep down, they both had wanted more all along.

The movie marathon kicked off after a bit of grumbling from Spencer, who finally gave in to watching the cheesy slasher films he’d insisted were beneath him. A few awkward moments of shifting on the couch later, they settled into a comfortable spot—Y/N tucked into his side, both of them with snacks in their laps and the throw blanket wrapped around them, ready to dive into the horror-filled lineup.

As they settled into the movie, Spencer’s gaze lingered on Y/N for a moment too long. He noticed the drip of vanilla ice cream at the corner of her mouth, the sight causing an unwelcome tightness in his pants. Before he could stop himself, he reached over. His thumb gently swiped the sugary trail now pooling along her lower lip, a soft swipe that left his hand lingering a fraction of a second longer than necessary.

"Here, you've got a little..."

The words died in his throat as her lips wrapped around his thumb, both of their eyes widening as their gaze met.

In that moment, everything fell into place for Spencer. It wasn’t stress that had been driving her distant behavior—he realized with a sudden jolt—it was something else entirely. The way she'd been pulling away, the tension between them… it wasn’t just exhaustion or anxiety. No, it was something far more complicated. It was desire.

Y/N jerked backward, nearly sending all of their precariously placed snacks to the floor as her face burned with embarrassment. "Oh, my God I- I'm so sorry Spence," she stammered, her words tripping over each other. "I have no idea why I did that-"

"Y/N."

Spencer cut her off with a hushed murmur of her name, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she stopped her nervous rambling.

"It's okay. I-I liked it," Spencer reassured her softly.

Y/N stared at him, dumbfounded.

"What?"

"I liked it."

Spencer repeated himself surely, but the tremble in his voice gave away the fact that his brave front was exactly that: a front.

"I—" He hesitated, a heavy sigh escaping him. His hands fumbled with the snacks for a moment, setting them carefully on the coffee table as if buying time. He finally turned to face her fully, the weight of his words settling in. "Y/N… I've been in love with you since the moment I met you. I never said anything because I was scared… scared you wouldn’t feel the same. And after everything these past few weeks, with you pulling away, I thought maybe you’d figured it out and hated me for it. But… maybe I was wrong. Maybe you actually feel the same way I do..."

Y/N’s mouth parted in shock, her mouth opening and closing like she wanted to say something—anything—but the words just wouldn’t come. Spencer loved her. He always had. And she had spent all this time convincing herself her feelings were one-sided, certain he couldn’t possibly feel the same way.

Spencer's voice wavered as he spoke, his eyes searching hers with a quiet intensity. "Please, tell me I was wrong. Tell me you feel the same." His words hung in the air, and he held his breath, waiting, afraid that his confession might have been the thing to push her away for good.

The raw vulnerability in his voice broke through the fog in her mind, and without thinking, she nodded quickly, the words tumbling from her lips before she could stop them.

"Yes! Yes, Spence, I feel the same way," she breathed, her voice shaky as she looked up at him, eyes wide with a mix of relief and disbelief. "I always have… I just… I convinced myself it was impossible. I never thought you could feel the same."

A soft laugh escaped him, his grin widening as he wet his lips with the tip of his tongue. "How could I not, Y/N?" he murmured, his voice low and sincere. "You’re everything to me. You’re the reason I started believing in soulmates… because I know I’ll never find anyone more perfectly made for me than you. You’re it. Always have been."

Y/N's heart skipped a beat at his words, her eyes welling up involuntarily. No one had ever spoken to her with such reverence, and in that moment, she realized she held him in the same regard. But where Spencer's words were so effortlessly beautiful, hers often fell short. So, instead of trying to find the right ones, she chose to show him just how deeply he mattered to her.

Within seconds, her lips were on his, her hands gently cradling his face as she pulled him closer. Spencer surrendered to the kiss, his hands sliding to her waist, mirroring her movements and pulling her in.

It started as a slow, hesitant kiss that rapidly devolved into something more desperate as the weight of years of silent longing melted away between them. What Y/N couldn't articulate into words she poured into touch, threading her trembling fingers into his soft hair and tugging, urging him to hover over her as she laid back against the couch. Her lips moved against his fiercely, trying to convey the silent message that she was just as in love with him as he was with her.

The movie had long since faded into the background, its faint dialogue and sporadic screams now an odd soundtrack blending with the muffled whimpers and soft pants that filled the space between them as their hands began to roam. Spencer's hips were nestled between hers, unmoving and stiff as he tried not to mindlessly hump against her like an animal in heat.

Y/N noticed Spencer's rigidness, breaking the kiss to look up at him with a furrowed brow. "What's wrong?" She breathed out, propping up on her elbows and brushing their noses together. "Are we moving too fast? We can stop if you want, I-I'm sorry—"

"No!" Spencer borderline shouted in his haste to ease the insecurity he saw creeping into her eyes, his face flushing as he cleared his throat. "No, no that's not it at all. I just, um... I didn't want to make you uncomfortable. I wasn't sure how far you wanted this to go."

Y/N’s shoulders relaxed, a small frown giving way to a playful smirk. She idly twisted the loose curls at the nape of his neck between her fingers, her gaze locking with his.

"I want you, Spence. All of you. If that's what you want, too."

Spencer's nod was immediate, his forehead almost knocking into hers, causing her to laugh at his eagerness. "God, yes. I want that, so much. I want you so much."

Y/N grinned as she tilted her head to brush their lips together, landing a chaste kiss on his mouth before she tugged him down, leaning forward to whisper into his ear. "Yeah? You wanna fuck me, Spence?"

He inhaled sharply through his nose, his eyes fluttering shut as his head fell into the crook of her neck. If he were younger, he probably would have just cum in his pants from her words alone. But he was a man now. A barely composed man who was dizzy from the intoxicating scent of her perfume crowding his nose and the most painful erection he's had since puberty straining against his slacks.

"Such a crude mouth you have," Spencer murmured in feigned disappointment, shaking his head before pressing slow, open-mouthed kisses to the skin of her neck. "Maybe I should fill it up until you learn some manners, hm?"

He traced the fingers of his right hand up her side as he pulled back enough to look into her eyes, his left hand pressed into the cushions to keep him from laying all his body weight onto her. He'd caught her lingering glances at his hands throughout the last few weeks. He just hadn't been sure why she'd been staring at them so hard... but now? Now, he knew exactly why she'd been so fixated on them, and he planned to use that to his advantage.

The whimper that slipped from Y/N's lips as Spencer slid two fingers into her gaping mouth confirmed his suspicions, the shit-eating grin on his face growing wide as he pressed the digits down against her tongue. She began to suck at his fingers eagerly, the feeling of her tongue laving over them making his body tremble in anticipation.

His hips began to rock against hers, slowly grinding against her aching core as he pressed kisses up and down the side of her neck. Once he was satisfied with his teasing, he pulled his fingers from her mouth with a slick 'pop', replacing them with his tongue as he kissed her deeply.

Y/N’s mind whirled, both surprised and intrigued by the sudden shift in his demeanor, captivated by how effortlessly he stepped into control. It wasn’t what she’d anticipated at all. She’d seen glimpses of this side of him—brief moments in the field or during interrogations—but never like this. The man before her was assured and confident, a stark contrast to his usual, endearing awkwardness.

Their kiss grew hungry as Spencer continued where they had left off before, his hands sliding under the hem of her shirt and bunching the fabric as they trailed up. He broke the kiss long enough to help her out of the shirt, tossing it somewhere in the direction of the TV before capturing her lips once more. He was a man ravenous, consumed by the sweetness of her lips, and even the seconds it took to remove her t-shirt felt like an unbearable eternity without them.

Her hands were just as busy as his, dragging down his clothed chest before finding the button of his slacks in the cramped space between them. Her fingers fumbled with the button blindly, and her movements faltered when his teeth gently tugged at her lower lip.

"Off," Y/N whined indignantly against his mouth, tugging frustratedly at the button. "Take them off."

Spencer obliged, helpless to her commands as he sat back on his heels, easily undoing the pesky button that was keeping her from what she wanted. She went to sit up to help with his zipper, but in her rush to get his pants off, she didn't realize just how close his knee was to the edge of the cushion.

The motion knocked his knee outwards, a surprised yelp leaving his lips as he instinctively reached out for her to steady himself, but it was too late.

A startled squeal slipped from Y/N as they both tumbled to the floor, landing with a muted thud on the plush carpet. Spencer’s hands shot to her waist, his eyes wide as he glanced up at her, now sprawled on top of him, her laughter filling the air at their unexpected fall. He joined her, chuckling loudly.

They were a perfect chaos—rumpled clothes, kiss-swollen lips, tangled hair, and eyes full of love. But neither of them minded, because they finally had what they’d both been yearning for all this time: each other.

The fall did little to curb their desire for each other. Y/N ducked her head, pressing her lips to Spencer's with renewed vigor as her hands slipped underneath his sweater. She giggled as he squirmed underneath her touch.

"You're such a wiggle worm!" Y/N huffed, pulling back just enough to let the words slip free into the air between them as she lifted the sweater up and over his head.

Spencer scoffed, his own hands slipping beneath the waistband of her yoga pants and shoving them down her legs. "I can't help that your hands feel like ice!"

A quiet hiss left her lips at the feeling of his equally cold hands brushing against the skin of her thighs. She wriggled on top of him, kicking off the remaining fabric that had wrapped around her feet.

"So do yours, but you don't see me acting like a baby about it!"

"Oh, I'll show you a baby—"

Y/N cackled as Spencer rolled them over, hovering above her once more with a cheeky grin and soft chuckles. He bombarded her with kisses all over her face and collarbones, ignoring her hands swatting at him playfully as he continued his attack. Soon his pants joined the growing pile of clothes near the entertainment center, the soft glow of the TV illuminating the room as the final scenes of the forgotten movie played out. His hands made swift work of removing her bra, leaving her lying underneath him in only her lacy underwear.

Their laughter died out as they stared into each other's eyes, the weight of what was about to change—what had already changed—settling over them. But fear didn’t touch them. There was no reason for it. This was always meant to be; written in the stars, woven into their destiny long before they existed.

Spencer closed the gap between them, kissing Y/N tenderly as he lowered himself just enough for their bare chests to press together and their hips to align perfectly. A sigh escaped her at the feeling of his hardened cock grinding against her, the thin fabric of his boxers and her soaked panties doing little to conceal what lay beneath.

Neither of them had ever pictured their first time unfolding on the living room floor, but in a way, it made the moment even more unforgettable. It was a testament to how desperately they wanted each other—so much that they’d choose the roughness of the carpet and rug burns over the luxury of her bed to avoid the few minutes apart it would take to get to her room.

"You're sure you want this?"

Spencer broke the kiss, his eyes tracing hers for any trace of hesitation or doubt. Y/N's lips curved into a faint smile as she reached up to caress his face. Her thumb stroked the skin of his cheekbone as she nodded.

"More than anything."

The look in her eyes told him that she was being completely honest. That was all the confirmation he needed. His shaky hands found the edges of the lace adorning her hips, inching his body down as he tugged the soaked-through fabric down her legs.

Y/N's face scrunched in confusion as Spencer moved lower, her brows furrowing as he pressed a kiss to her knee. "What are you-"

Her words cut off with a sharp moan as Spencer latched his mouth to her clit, her head tipping back against the floor as her hands buried themselves into his disheveled strands. Her back arched as her legs spread instinctively, making room for him as he began to devour her. He shifted, grabbing ahold of her thighs and placing them over his shoulders as his tongue alternated between teasing kitten licks and long, drawn-out laps up and down her pussy.

Y/N struggled to open her eyes, peering down at him as pleasure began to flood her veins. The sight of his hands—those beautiful goddamned hands that had inadvertently caused this to happen— gripping her thighs hard enough to leave bruises had her mouth hanging open, small whimpers and moans flowing freely into the open space.

"You taste exquisite, sweetheart. So, so good," Spencer mumbled against her slick skin before sucking her clit into his mouth gently.

Y/N cried out, writhing underneath him as the pleasure in her lower stomach began to build rapidly. A loud groan wrenched itself from her throat as Spencer grabbed her hips, pinning them to the ground as he continued to ravage her in a way that rendered her useless.

"You can take it, pretty girl," Spencer cooed, placing a kiss on her clit before one of his hands left her hip to trace her folds. "Cum for me so I can fuck you so good you'll never want anyone else again."

Who the fuck taught him how to talk like that?

Y/N couldn’t speak to tell him that she’d never want anyone else anyways; that he was etched into her very soul, and every part of her would forever long for his touch and his touch alone. She cried out as his middle finger prodded at her entrance before slipping inside, her orgasm so close she could almost taste it.

Spencer moaned against her from how little resistance her walls had against the intrusion, immediately adding his ring finger to the mix. He thrusted them into her hard, curling the lithe digits in search of that rough patch of skin that would give him what he wanted. It took all of three strokes before he found it, his mouth forming a smirk as she gripped his hair and yanked, grinding her hips up into his mouth as she thrashed beneath him.

"Spence! Fuck, I-I'm cumming—"

Y/N barely uttered the words before her climax seized her, her toes curling as her vision whitened and the world shattered around her. She could vaguely register Spencer's sweet voice coaxing her through it, his forehead now pressed to hers as his fingers continued to gently thrust into her through the aftershocks. Only when she was trembling and weakly shoving at his wrist did he finally stop his movements, his lips meeting hers in a series of soft kisses as her chest heaved beneath him.

"Yeah?" He murmured with a smug grin, pulling back to smooth her hair away from her damp face with his clean hand as she stared up at him in bewilderment.

Spencer Reid had just caused her to cum harder than she ever had in her life. Spencer—the same Spencer that was too shy to look her in the eyes for a solid month after first meeting her— just made her cum so hard she almost blacked out. She understood why he was a man of magic now... and it had nothing to do with the novelty tricks he was always showing off.

"Yeah," Y/N whispered in response, still reeling from her orgasm.

If that was the type of climax she could reach simply from his tongue and fingers, she was convinced that she'd never actually experienced one with anyone else.

"Do you want to stop there? Or do you want to keep going?"

Spencer's voice was soft as he stared at the gorgeous woman beneath him. He found it ironic that he was already kneeling between her thighs because that had now become his place of worship. His redemption came in the form of her essence, dripping from his fingers as they rested against her hip. He'd never need anything else as long as he had her.

"Keep going. I want to keep going," Y/N pleaded softly, her hands reaching for his boxers. "Just—c'mere. Wanna taste you before you fuck me brainless. Please?"

A pitiful whine left Spencer’s lips as he felt his composure crack slightly. He wasn’t prepared for her to practically beg to suck his cock. He found himself nodding mindlessly, his hands going to help her strip him of his boxers before he remembered the mess still clinging to his fingers.

“Clean these for me first, sweet girl. Then you can.”

Spencer brought his fingers up to her lips, watching in amazement as she obeyed without a fuss. She even went as far as moaning while she licked his fingers clean of her, holding his gaze while she did. Y/N knew what she did to him. She knew he was just as affected by her as she was him. And she reveled in it.

Once he deemed them clean enough, he pulled them from her mouth before ridding himself of the last shred of fabric between them. The second that Spencer was bare before her, she pounced. Her hands pushed at his chest, urging him to lie back as she crawled on top of him.

“You’re so pretty, Spence,” Y/N breathed dazedly, pecking his lips before trailing her kisses down his chest. “God… look at you.”

Spencer flushed bright red while she continued to murmur her praises as she gripped the base of him, his cock twitching in her hand.

He had never been particularly confident—growing up as a child prodigy in a Las Vegas public school had stripped him of any sense of self-worth before it had a chance to take root. Unlike Morgan, he didn’t have the muscles or the easy charm with women. He could count the number of sexual encounters he’d had on one hand. His dates rarely progressed beyond the first, driven away by his nervous rambling and the unpredictable demands of his job.

The only way Spencer even knew how to make Y/N feel so good was because he had studied every piece of material he could find on the intricacies of female anatomy and sexual pleasure on the off chance one of his dates would blossom into something more than an uncomfortable hook-up and dash situation. It also helped that he’d pined after her since he’d known her, that longing translating into a dire need to make her feel the best she ever had because that’s what she deserved. She deserved to feel pleasure in its purest form, to feel cherished and worshipped because that’s how precious she was to him.

And in this moment, as she gazed at him with the kind of reverence that made it seem as though he was the center of her universe, Spencer believed that maybe, just maybe, he deserved to feel that way too.

His fingers grasped helplessly at the carpet beneath him as her beautiful lips wrapped around the flushed head of his arousal, a muffled curse falling into the air as she swirled her tongue around him. Y/N smirked around her mouthful, her eyes glinting with amusement as she inhaled through her nose and pushed lower, taking him into the back of her throat. The gag that she emitted from the motion had his hips jerking up, a flurry of apologies spewing from his mouth.

Instead of responding verbally, she simply grabbed his hands and guided them to her hair, encouraging him to take hold and move her as he pleased. Once he threaded his hands through her hair, she continued. Her own hands planted firmly on his thighs as she began to bob her head around what she could fit, a soft hum vibrating around his length as her eyes fluttered shut.

Spencer was speechless— absolutely floored as he stared slack-jawed at the woman moaning around his cock like she was the one receiving pleasure from it. He gave an experimental tug of her hair, his head falling back with a thunk as she moaned louder and moved faster. It was as though she were unraveling his very soul with her tongue, hurtling him towards an orgasm he didn’t want to have just yet.

“Y-Y/N wait I— ngh!” Spencer groaned, his grip on her hair tightening unintentionally as he tried to pull her off of him. “I won’t be able to fuck you if you make me cum down your throat, pretty girl. P-please—“

Y/N whined in protest but finally eased herself off of his cock, a trail of spit bridging her lower lip to the head of him as she stared up at him with watery eyes and swollen lips.

Spencer felt delirious as he took in the sight. It was something he’d dreamed about (albeit guiltily) for years, and having the real thing in front of him was infinitely better than anything his subconscious had conjured up during those restless nights. She was a vision; a work of art that deserved to have a museum dedicated to her and her alone.

“Oh, don’t pout. Unless you don’t want to be fucked anymore?” Spencer chuckled breathlessly, arching a brow as she moved to straddle him. His hands found their way to her waist, a shudder running down his spine as she settled over him.

“If you won’t fuck me… I have a pretty nice dildo in my bedside drawer that should do the trick,” Y/N hummed coyly, dragging her heat across the length of him with a soft sigh.

Spencer’s eyes darkened at that, his grip on her hips tightening to put a halt to her subtle movements.

“Yeah? You think it’d make you feel better than I could?”

Y/N swallowed hard, the aching between her legs starting to override her logical thinking. She knew the answer he was looking for; the answer that would give her exactly what she wanted. But she decided to be a smartass instead.

“Maybe,” She answered with a shrug, nibbling at her lower lip as she tried to fight against his hold to get the friction she craved.

“Go get it then.”

Spencer leaned forward, his nose brushing hers as she sat in his lap, a challenge in his gaze. He knew she wouldn’t—she was getting restless, just like him. But if this was the game she wanted to play, he was determined to win.

Panic spread across Y/N’s face at the cold, indifferent look in his eyes. Her hands rested on his shoulders, her frown betraying the sinking realization of the hole she’d dug for herself. They were both ridiculously competitive, so why she’d started this—rather than just admitting how badly she wanted him buried inside her—was beyond her.

“I was kidding,” Y/N huffed, tilting forward in an attempt to capture his lips.

Spencer leaned back, keeping his lips just out of reach. He shook his head, smirking softly. “Nope. Either go get it, or say you’re sorry.”

Y/N hesitated, frowning as she weighed her options. She wanted him so badly it hurt. But pride was a hell of a thing. She knew he wouldn’t back down. Normally, she wouldn’t either. But his cock was pressed so deliciously against her clit that she decided it would be more than worth it to lose just this once.

“I’m sorry,” She mumbled, barely audible.

“What was that? I couldn’t hear you.”

Spencer’s taunting made her groan in frustration before she sighed and tried again.

“I said I’m sorry—“

He shifted them so that his back was against the couch, her knees on both sides of his hips digging into the carpet hard enough that he was certain it would sting once they started. He’d make sure to take care of her afterward, though. He gazed up at her with adoration, thoroughly enjoying how needy she'd become. Her breath hitched as he adjusted his hips, the head of his cock pressing against her entrance.

“One more time, hm?” Spencer coaxed, his hands now rubbing up and down her sides but still holding her tight enough that she couldn't rock against him. If he was honest, his resolve had crumbled as quickly as hers, but he couldn’t help from teasing her for just a little longer.

“I’m sorry!” Y/N cried out, her forehead pressing against his as she whimpered. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Spencer finally pressed a kiss to her lips before pulling back, his lips brushing against hers as he crooned. “Good girl, baby. Thank you.”

Hearing the praise fall so easily from his mouth had Y/N canting her hips down eagerly, willing to do whatever he wanted just so she could hear his sweet words over and over again. Her determination didn’t waver, her hips pushing down insistently. Spencer’s hold on her waist faltered, and for a brief moment, gravity claimed its victory.

A startled gasp slipped from her lips as the tip of his cock pushed into her, followed by a guttural moan that had Spencer's ears ringing as he cursed loudly. She had been so used to his hold that she wasn't prepared to support herself, his hands having barely caught her from dropping completely. He immediately yanked her up, the cool air against his skin a shock after having felt her warmth for the first time.

“God—fuck!" Spencer groaned as his head tipped back against the couch cushions, straining against every instinct begging him to just drive into her and utilizing every muscle in his body to keep her suspended as she wriggled impatiently.

"Baby... how are you— how are you wanting to do this?” Spencer whispered, swallowing before he continued. “I’m pretty sure I have a condom in my wallet, but I… um. I’m clean...”

Their hearts pounded in their chests as his words lingered in the air, the only sounds in the room being the repeated menu options from the forgotten movie and the ragged rhythm of their breaths.

Y/N meweled, reaching down to realign him with her entrance. “I’m clean and on birth control… Can we...? Like this? Please—“

“Yes.”

Y/N chuckled at his blunt response, though she was just as desperate to feel him after having the faintest taste of what he felt inside her. Her lips found his for a chaste kiss before she finally began to lower herself onto his cock, this time without his resistance.

Her laughter died in her throat, morphing into a choked whimper from the stretch of him. Even with how aroused she was, trying to make him fit was a struggle. Spencer was easily the biggest out of anyone she’d ever been with— a feat she hadn't quite realized until she was pausing halfway down his cock with a stuttered moan, slowly circling her hips in an attempt to adjust to the sensation.

Spencer was convinced he'd somehow died and ascended to paradise as he gazed up at the angelic woman hovering above him, enthralled by watching her fight to take the full length of him into her depths. His hands massaged up and down her trembling thighs, hoping to help her relax enough to take the rest of him without it hurting. Hums of encouragement rumbled from his chest as he stared unblinking at her, the warm amber of his eyes almost consumed completely by his blown pupils. His thumb found her clit and rubbed small circles into it as her eyes fluttered closed and she inhaled sharply through her nose.

"That's it, sweet girl," He cooed, continuing his gentle ministrations as she whined from deep in her throat. "Just like that. You're taking me so well. My gorgeous girl."

There was a pleasant burn as Y/N gingerly lifted her hips, leaving only the head of him inside of her. The way her hardened nipples brushed against his bare chest had her shivering lightly, the touch sending small sparks of pleasure jolting through her. Soft whines spilled from her lips as Spencer moved his hands around to grip her ass, gently massaging the flesh as she raised up on her knees.

With a committed roll of her hips and a quiet grunt, Y/N finally took the rest of his length, their bodies now flush together as her head dropped into the crook of his neck. The whorish moan Spencer released into her ear as he bottomed out had her clenching around him, a dire need to cause more of those sinful noises prompting her hips to begin moving. The raw stinging against her knees as she began to ride him in earnest only spurred her on, her nails digging into his shoulders as her head lolled back.

"Spence—" Y/N whimpered, resting her forehead against his as she panted out his name again and again, chanting it as though it were a mantra.

Spencer shushed her, understanding exactly what she couldn't manage to vocalize. He nodded against her as their bodies moved in tandem. "I know, baby. I know. You feel divine. My sweet angel." He continued to murmur out his praises as his head rested back on the edge of the couch cushion, small fingerprint-shaped bruises marking her skin as he clung to her.

Her hips began to falter as exhaustion started to settle into her bones from the vigorous pace she'd set, her second orgasm brewing in the pit of her stomach as though it were a wicked thunderstorm in waiting, ready to roll in and wreak havoc on her entire body at any minute. The slick sounds of their bodies connecting over and over paired with the symphony of heady moans and whimpers spilling between them—it was all driving her closer and closer to ecstasy.

Spencer noticed the fumble in her movements, his brows pinched together as he fought to keep his own climax at bay so he could enjoy the sensation of being wrapped up in her walls for a while longer. But he couldn't let his pretty girl do all of the work, could he? That would be cruel.

He planted his feet into the ground, beginning to pound into her from below. A satisfied smirk adorned his face as Y/N cried out, her head falling into the crook of his neck once more as she began to babble incoherently against his skin. The pace he set was wild and unrestrained, the angle allowing him to drive into her g-spot repeatedly.

"Take it, take it, take it—" Spencer hissed through clenched teeth before he latched his mouth onto her right nipple, sucking at the bud and swirling his tongue around it.

Y/N threaded her fingers through his hair, hanging on tightly as Spencer ravaged her. Her mouth hung open as moan after moan wrenched itself from her core and embedded into his damp skin. The pleasure searing through her veins was consuming her, burning her from the inside out. She was so close—

The catalyst for her orgasm came in the form of Spencer's hands slipping down her ass and underneath her thighs so that the tips of his fingers were brushing against where they were connected with each thrust. All it took was that one simple touch for the tension in her body to snap, her teeth digging into his shoulder as she tried to muffle her screams while her walls pulsed around him violently. Her eyes squeezed shut as she wailed his name loudly, not caring if any of her neighbors heard them at this point. She wanted the world to know exactly who was making her feel this good.

Spencer toppled them over onto the ground as she came around him, pinning her to the carpet and rutting into her fervently. Something akin to a sob fell from his lips before he abruptly pulled out, jerking his cock in quick strokes before he was spurting his cum across her stomach and tits with a cry of her name.

He crumpled to the ground beside her, pulling her into his side before he slung an arm over his face. Their chests heaved as they came down from their highs, both of them completely spent after such depraved lovemaking. His free hand stroked up and down her slick skin as she rested her head on his chest, calming the tremors wracking her body as they caught their breath.

Once Spencer regained feeling in his legs, he scooped Y/N from the floor and into his arms, hauling her off toward her bathroom as giggles bubbled from her lips at his surprising show of strength. Y/N watched with pure fondness as he started the shower, her heart swelling as he glanced back at her with a tired grin. When the water was warm enough, he held her hand as he helped her step in, following behind her with a hand wrapped around her waist to hold her steady.

After a shower spent lost in love-struck gazes, soapy caresses, and slow, tender kisses against the tiles, they ended up wrapped in each other's arms in her bed. It was only midday, but it was Saturday—so why not indulge in a nap? They had more than earned it after their (failed) movie marathon.

"Y'know," Y/N started, her voice low as fatigue began to cloud her mind. "You really do have massive hands." She took his hand, which had been resting loosely between them, lifting it to align with hers for comparison. His hand was nearly twice the size of hers, and the sight made her smile with amusement.

Spencer snorted, his nose scrunching as he laughed quietly at her observation.

"Well, yeah... I am 6'1", sweetheart. It would be abnormal if I didn't have massive hands," He stated matter-of-factly. "Besides, you love them. Really love them," He added with a sleepy smirk.

Y/N's face burned as she rolled her eyes, playfully shoving him with a scoff. "Yeah, yeah. It isn't my fault you have hands that were crafted by Michelangelo himself," She murmured defensively.

Spencer pulled her closer, brushing a kiss against her forehead, then her nose, her cheeks, and finally, her lips.

"You know I'm just teasing you. Did you know that—"

As Spencer began to prattle on about the variations and degrees of hand kinks and fetishes, Y/N's mind drifted back to the picture that had unknowingly set everything in motion. She couldn’t help but thank that raised crack in the sidewalk for pushing her old-fashioned boyfriend (that still felt so surreal to say) to embrace modern technology—because without it, she might have spent even more time blind to the fact that she was utterly, hopelessly in love with the man lying before her.

And as they drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms, Spencer felt a deep sense of gratitude for finally being able to love the beautiful woman in his arms the way he’d always dreamed of.

Continued A/N's: I felt evil for my first (published) fic being so angsty so I decided to write this as a formal apology LMAO. I had so much fun writing this, and I hope you have just as much fun reading it. Please tell me what you think and let me know if you'd like to see a sequel for this as well! :) K <3

[corvidus-fr]

super quick musings on Fathoms. i like a lot about the pose + design, but i feel like they kinda suffer from Undel Sameface when everything about their lore is pointing towards "friendly gentle ocean giants". wanted to roughly sketch Merrigan for a side-by-side comparison, and then some rough doodles of how i might push the design in a chunkier, more cetacean-inspired direction - 3 is swapping the features but keeping the overall proportions/layout mostly the same, and 4 is pushing the proportions even further

[despazito]

Colonialism is an ongoing problem in the purebred dog world and i just wanna take as second to talk about the national dog breed of Israel, the Canaan dog. Because here's the CKC's blurb on them

I have no doubt and am not denying ancient Hebrews lived with these dogs, but the Canaan comes from a stock of landrace breed native across the Levant and it has also gone by names such as Bedouin Sheepdog or Palestinian Pariah Dog.

Organized breeding of the Canaan began in the 20th century from captured Palestinian dogs (i would also point to the wording of 'redomesticating' used here, implying the feral pariah dogs were in some way not domesticated, which i think is disingenuous phrasing.). If you look up the Canaan, most sources you see on them explicitly brand Canaans as an Israeli breed, neglecting or downplaying any history they have with any of the other countless peoples or cultures in the region this breed has coexisted with across millenia. There's even an archeological site with ancient remains of canaan-like dogs was found in Ashkelon, located just 13 miles from the Gaza strip.

The developer of the 'modern' purebred Canaan was "ardent zionist" Rudolphina Menzel, who trained attack dogs for the IDF:

What really gets me about this story is how this native landrace breed was taken and trained to guard colonial settlements from the very people they lived alongside, there is something so twisted about it..

This is unfortunately nothing new in the world of dog fancy. There are many instances of explorers and settlers importing exotic new dogs from their travels, establishing a breed club, and then claiming stewardship over said breed without any involvement from the local peoples they took or bought them from. I'm not sure what to leave this on, i just think more people should be aware of these 'softer' forms of colonialism and how domestic animals can play a part in colonialism and nationalist narratives.

Anyway, long live the Palestinian pariah dog/ Bedouin sheepdog!

[theloneotaku158]

As of Batman: The Brave and the Bold #12, local precious-gremlin-who-I-would-die-for, Maps Mizoguchi, is now officially(?) the sixth Robin. Or at the very least, she's now "in" on The Secret™.

If this isn’t a set up for her taking up the Robin mantle officially then I genuinely don’t know what is.

As one of the twelve Gotham Academy enjoyers in existence, I am having the extremely normal reaction of "FUCKING FINALLY! LET'S FUCKING GOOOOO--!"

In all honesty, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't seen this coming from miles away. Like, Maps has appeared in a number of seemingly random cameo roles recently, including Batgirls (2021), and even technically as Robin in the backup issues of Batman (2016) #119-121, and in a short story in Batman Black & White. And most of those got collected in a standalone titled "Maps of Mystery", which specifically gathered all her appearances as Robin (and the Gotham Academy Belle Reve story).

And then, of course, her recent time-travelling Future-Trunks-esque appearance in Birds of Prey (2023), as the tech-based Meridian, from a potential future timeline where she apparently makes it as a superhero using gadgets she apparently designed, proving that she's hero material.

That's not something you do for a character for no reason. That's the sort of thing you do when you want to keep a character in the conscience of your readers for whatever reason, because you have bigger plans for them.

Also interesting to consider that, in the "Mother's Day" story where this took place, Alfred is standing right there and not lying down six feet under wood, dirt and a stone slab, and that Bruce is in the old Batcave under the manor so he still has Money™. So we must assume this was some nebulous time in the past (after GA: Second Semester(?), but before City of Bane)... which I won't bother to analyse the exact timeframe of because DC doesn't care about the post-Flashpoint / New 52 / Rebirth / Prime Earth / idfk / Dawn of DC timeline, so neither should I.

But I think it's really funny that this presumably means Maps has known The Secret™ for a long time relative to present-day comics, but always acted like she didn't.

But if all her appearances are in chronological order, that means Bruce is only the fourth Bat whose identity she discovered.

Like, she discovered Cass' identity almost by accident on a trip to the zoo, Damian showed off his grapple gun and gave her an actual Batarang during the three hours he was enrolled in the school (as if she wouldn't immediately put two-and-two together even back then), and she even found out Terry fucking McGuinness would become Batman in a future via a time-travelling grandfather clock.

No I did not make that last part up. Read Gotham Academy istg.

Did Cass know that Maps had been acting as a Robin when she met her, both at the zoo in Batgirls and her future version in Birds of Prey?

Does Damian know the one (1) friend(?) he made in Gotham Academy is potentially in the running for his job?

Is Bruce himself aware that she knows as much about their identities as she currently does?

How is DC going to retcon this so it all makes sense in the barely-functioning canon of the modern DC universe?

I'm digressing. Where was I going with this?

Point is, she's destined to become a Robin, and I'm glad DC finally pulled their fingers out their asses and capitalised on that destiny.

Let's just hope it doesn't take another year for them to follow up on this plotline again.

Bonus: Jason Todd, after learning of Bruce taking yet another happy kid under his wing as yet another Robin, giving her some advice:

[thewertsearch]

Resolution to the summoner's mutiny is foggy, as I only understand what has 8een rel8ed to me through the 8rief answers I thought to solicit. Ultim8ely, the ire of the Condesce would 8e such that in the settling dust of the conflict, she would 8anish all from the homeworld, except the young. […] I cannot imagine how she would come to enforce such an upheaval in our civiliz8tion. Though I suppose she will have on her side the advantage of an unparalleled lifespan, and the leverage extended 8y the hideous psychic prongs of her deep undul8ing monstrosity.

Attention is drawn to the prodigiously long lifespan of the Condesce - the empress of Mindfang's time, and Feferi's probable ancestor. I used to think that the modern Empress was a different troll, but now that we're aware of fuchsiablood longevity, I'm pretty sure the two are one and the same.

Based on a line from Feferi's introduction, I was assuming that she was the only fuchsiablood in the universe - but let's take another look at the way that line's phrased.

You are 'the only of your kind' known to possess this blood.

That doesn't necessarily mean she's the only fuchsia troll, does it? For example, it might just mean she's the only Alternian with fuchsia blood, because the Empress doesn't actually live on the planet.

I really want this to be Mama Peixes, because the existence of a living Ancestor has so much story potential. Just how much does she know, and what's her agenda?

Nevertheless, I take the prediction as truth, and find it amusing that a homeworld domin8ed 8y children will 8e the gr8 summoner's legacy. One of them, at least.

Anyway, the Summoner - the boy who could fly - is the reason Alternia is a planetary Neverland, making it clear that he was the original inspiration for Pupa Pan.

It's also notable that we've only just started delving into Alternian history, and we've already learned about two massive rebellions against the social order. Contrary to what Alternians have been led to believe, this oppressive culture clearly isn't natural to them, and they've been fighting it every step of the way.

They don't want to be a murderous empire - they're forced to be, again and again and again.

More importantly, and less amusingly, his legacy will 8e my demise. You see, I first learned his name when I asked who would 8e the one to kill me.

And here's yet another layer to the Quest Cocoon Incident. Vriska wasn't content with living like Mindfang - she wanted to die like her, too.

Given that Vriska knew about the Summoner, one can only imagine how weird she must have been around Tavros. Not only was she constantly berating him, she was also putting him on this bizarre pedestal, comparing him to someone I'm damn sure he never knew existed.

And she'd never tell Tavros about the Summoner, either, because that would allow him to derive confidence from something other than her tutelage. No - she just silently compared him to a legendary hero, and he constantly failed a test he didn't know he was taking.

Seems like something's going very wrong in the Veil.

This seems like a sign that the session is on its last legs, and we're running out of time before it completely turns to static. We're entering the endgame.

The oracle I will resolve to part with. I will conceal it in a crypt 8earing the sign of the expatr8, with a map to its loc8tion hidden in this journal.

The cueball was sequestered in an Expatriate chest, which makes me speculate about whether Equius ever got his hands on it.

He can't see inside it himself - but like Mindfang said, it shouldn't be too hard to find a technological workaround, and Equius is a roboticist. I wonder if either Zahhak ever used it for themselves?

To whomever finds it, 8e wary, for the truth it tells may leave its new keeper 8lind as I was. Though no more.

She warned you, Vriska.

She told you it would leave you as blind as she was.

And it did.

[maleyanderecafe]

i haven't seen any news here yet but have u seen the newest update for 14 days with you? ren in day 3 got me blushing and shiiiii 🤪 and his new hairstyles? gahdamn 😮‍💨

It's been a long time coming, but I played the update! I actually had to wait since at the time there was a 3.5 update coming out so I just waited until that came out before deciding to play the entire thing. Lots of new and changed things, the artwork is great as always.

Since in my original recommendation I already gave summary on the first day, I'm going to first note some changes for the first day before summarizing the second day.

In the first day, we can now change the length of Haruko's hair, which in turn changes Ren's hair as well. In addition, we get a conversation from our boss Conan who talks about repairing the library. Depending on options, we also meet up with two friends while walking home, Jay and Leon. As I'm aware, these are the major changes that happen in the first day.

During the second day, Ren accompanies Angel out on a date before the two run into Leon and Teo, Angel's ex (or fling). Teo and Ren get very bitter towards each other, showcasing that Teo is kind of a bad ex, still being rather possessive towards Angel while Leon tries to keep everyone's cool. Afterwards, Angel and Ren go eat out in a cafe (with an easter egg that Angel can actually like an goth look that they see a passerby with, a reference to Redacted's look). Angel and Ren decide to go to a store where a girl named Olivia starts flirting with Ren. Ren is clearly uncomfortable, but Angel sees this as a possibility that Ren might be interested in her, due to how they were treated by Teo in the past. As the two end their date, it starts to rain and Ren goes out to get an umbrella. After taking a long time, Angel starts to believe that Ren has ditched them and can choose to leave or stay. Either way, Ren comes back in the nick of time and offers them to either go to their place or Ren's (though in the end the two go to Ren's). Ren's place is very clean and modern, almost as if it was never really used, fitting considering Ren is a programmer. Ren insists on Angel staying (through glitchy text) and they can either decide to stay in their room or have a good time with Ren in his room.

The next day, Ren makes Angel some breakfast (and cute moments) before Angel heads out back to work. It seems that Elanor has some work to do and one of the shelves fell on her thus causing her to leave early (wonder who could have caused that). Elanor's sister, Kiara comes to visit and hang out as well. Teo comes in as well and immediately goes towards Elanor who gets smitten with him. Angel can decide to join in on Teo and Kiara's "date" to make sure nothing happens to her, but not before Conan pulls them aside to make sure they're safe (in general) because of the accident that Elanor had. If they do they end up all going to a bookstore where Angel finds Ren reading behind some shelves, but not before being interrupted by Moth who calls them and chats them up. Leon then also suggests having a double date at an aquarium the next day (this is also the same thing he asks if you decide to not join in on the date and instead go home). They briefly meet Olivia outside their apartment who asks what their relationship with Ren is before leaving. In the end they go home where they can invite someone over, go to their place or call them. With Elanor, Angel will air out their distaste for Teo and warns her to be careful, with Violet, the two discuss the date and Angel's feelings on it, with Conan, they chat a bit about the discussion, with Jae, they chat a bit before talking about the date, Angel talks to Leon about how worried they are about Teo and Elanor, Angel and Teo snidely talk about each other and Moth chat about the date as well, but all of them either send Angel home because of a phone call or the reception gets busted in some way or another. Ren also ends up coming over at the end of all of these, talking about the murder, the place that Angel is living at before watching a movie and possibly having more sexy times. There are also some easter eggs for certain people as well if you are so inclined.

First of all, I will say that the game really maintains the quality of visuals and coding as everything is as clean and as beautiful as when I first played it. Always something nice that's added. I like that you now have the option to change pronouns when you'd like and that you can change the message on your phone and see other character's messages as well. It's a good way to integrate the world inside of the game and it looks good. Each ending where Angel refuses to date Ren has of course Ren booting them back into the main menu and the addition of adding various glitchy effects that stack up as the game goes on depending on choice is a very nice thing as well. It makes me wonder about what consequences it may have in the future. Having to choose Ren's hair length via Haruka's hair length is fun too and changes the cgs as well which is kind of cool to see. There's more hints of Ren's interference, causing the bookshelf to fall on Elanor, causing any phone calls to be abruptly interrupted to to interference and causing any in person meetings to be interrupted by phone calls. One of the things that I didn't particularly like changed was the event that Olivia dies after her first encounter with Ren, while Angel is waiting for him to get the umbrella. It's shown only through the special screen with the character message stating that she's offline in a very eerie way, something that was a great way to show that Ren had done something to her without explicitly saying it. Of course, in this version, Olivia does not die and instead Angel seems her in the apartment. I can see why it was changed as Ren is shown to be more of a lighter yandere, but I really liked the way that it subtly showed Ren dealing with her in a previous version. Another thing that confused me was the call (video call?) that Angel has with Moth at the bookstore. After seeing Moth's sprite I legitimately thought that they were actually at the store for most of the conversation and I only was able to tell it was a call based on the text box itself. I think a better way to display this is if either Moth's sprite was a bit more transparent or it was changed to be placed in a box to indicate that it was call. The last thing is more of a bug, but if you have skipping on and you hold down the skip key while starting the game, you can actually play the entire game without seeing a single sprite, as you didn't answer the intro questions of name, streamer mode, etc. It also resets when you back to the do answer those questions. Probably can be fixed easily by preventing skipping at least until you actually get to the dialogue.

We get more backstory with Angel and their relationships, especially with Teo. We can see why they are a lot more reserved when it comes to their relationship with Ren, given that they were not treated well when it came to Teo and thus has lingering doubts on whether Angel actually loves them or not. It makes the Olivia and Ren interaction and going home early make more sense (though I am kind of surprised that Angel would want to even talk to Teo given that they probably aren't really on good terms. That and he's a jerk). Most of the conversations after the date talk about Teo as a person and how most of them want to believe that Teo is actually getting better as a person, which seems... weird, given that his behavior does not show otherwise. Personally, I think it's really weird that Angel would even approve Elanor and Teo going on dates in the first place, given that Teo seems to be a terrible person and is the kind that cheats very easily, where Elanor is the type that is more romantic. It is addressed after the various dates and you can actually tell Elanor in person, but I think it's very strange everyone wants these two to actually date given how very different their personalities are and Teo being kind of a huge jerk. I suppose its more like the fact that you can't control if they wanted to date, but I would have thought Angel would have warned Elenor about him considering what Angel and Teo's relationship was like.

Overall, I think the game is making good progression on where it is. Right now it's a little slow though, mostly focusing on dating lives and whatnot, but hopefully we can also get to the mysterious murders that are happening soon enough. Ren is still cute as always and it's fun that you can still tease him in his various scenes.

[sometipsygnostalgic]

We've been watching star wars, lots of it.

The other day we were discussing music. How the original trilogy is full of bombastic, magnificient tracks, and the prequels have these smashing epics, but the sequels have opted for more ambience, and there are only two leitmotifs to speak of, one only nine notes long (Kylo Ren).

See, I'm not alien to the creation of leitmotif without a whole song to go with it. This is how Marvel's been doing it for a little while now (since they were annihilated by a youtuber 8 years ago for their bad music apparently).

It's also how She-ra does it. This seems to be the compromise between the "in the background" scoring modern directors ask for and the "in your face" scoring musicians want to perform.

But here are a few differences even in that (rather bland) category of music:

She-ra is constantly taking advantage of its leitmotifs. That 11 note She-ra motif? You are damn aware when it's in your face, and it always shows up when She-ra is doing something magic.

Entrapta's theme is 7 to 14 notes long and it plays a lot, whenever she's doing something, whenever Hordak is thinking of her. Can be silly, loud, or very quiet depending on the mood of the scene.

Catra has a theme for when she's being evil. It is in fact She-ra's theme played in a different key. It sounds completely different so it's not obvious, which is brilliant in my opinion.

Hordak and Horde Prime... don't have a theme, but they have a specific chord that plays when they're on screen. Effective if forgettable.

Best Friend Squad has a theme. I associate it with Glimmer because it's very sparkly and used in action scenes. It repeats enough that I'd recognise it if I heard it.

And finally that complete banger of an opening, and all those whole, complete soundtracks you get in the end credits of some episodes (such as Light Hope). Those pieces of music in particular are memorable despite not being leitmotifs (mostly).

The star wars themes, you have Rey's theme which to be fair is great, and Kylo Ren's theme which only exists as 7 evil notes. You don't get all those themes from OT and Prequels which went so hard. You get a score which sounds like Star Wars Music, but none of the tracks stand out whatsoever. And none of the other characters seem to have any memorable music, none of the scenes, the intro music is the same as it's ever been. The trailer music was always remixed stuff from the Original Trilogy, never anything new.

I wonder what happened. It's possible Disney rejected any better compositions from Williams. It's possible that he was phoning it in at this point because he was called back into star wars yet again. It's possible the source material was not all that inspiring? Who knows. But while the sequels have John Williams and a bunch of OT musical references, they don't seem to have a Star Wars score.

[black-arcana]

EPICA Releases New Single 'Arcana'

Dutch symphonic metal titans EPICA have released a brand new single, "Arcana". The track heralds a new chapter in EPICA's two-decade-long history and marks the band's first new release since the group's chart-topping 2021 album "Omega" and the collaboration EP "The Alchemy Project". It offers a glimpse into the band’s future music, coming in 2025.

EPICA comments: "'Arcana' guides you through the universal stages of spiritual evolution in life. It leads the way to a higher consciousness and spiritual self-awareness.

"Writing this song was a spontaneous effort, so it came together quickly, which felt so natural that it wrote itself. The music contains classic EPICA elements but has some vibes that might remind you of '80s alternative rock or modern metal."

The single is now available on all streaming platforms. It also includes "The Ghost In Me (Danse Macabre)", EPICA's recently released collaboration with Europe's second-most visited theme park, Netherlands's magical De Efteling, and their much-anticipated new attraction, Danse Macabre.

The music video for "Arcana", directed by Remko Tielemans, can be seen below.

In a recent interview with Spain's Mariskal Rock, EPICA singer Simone Simons spoke about the progress of the recording sessions for the follow-up to "Omega" album. She said: "I think that there should be a single by the end of the summer-ish. That's that's our plan. And the album should be released [in] 2025.

"I just wrote with Mark [Jansen, guitar] and Rob [Van Der Loo, bass] also yesterday that I'm so happy with the songs, I'm so proud how everything turned out and it's gonna be another amazing EPICA album.

"We added a couple of new elements, but also went back to the roots, the old EPICA," she continued. "And yeah, I just can't wait for people to hear this.

"I loved 'Omega' and we toured so much with 'Omega' and had wonderful experiences, but then when you reach the end of a touring cycle, you start to get itchy and feel, 'Okay, now it's time to do the new album. Can we do it as good or maybe even better than the last album?' That's always the thing we strive for, ways to renew ourselves a little bit. And we feel a very strong spiritual connection also that it's our ninth album. So there's gonna be themes around the symbolic meaning of nine, the number nine."

Elaborating on the musical direction of EPICA's next album, Simone said: "The songs are heavy. There's a beautiful ballad, a very cinematic song, very uptempo, very doomy, melancholic and amazing, amazing power riffs. It's the most epic EPICA, I think, so far. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I'm feeling it. I'm very happy with it. I'm proud of it. And they are going to start recording the orchestra now next week. They're flying to Prague; that's where we record the orchestra. And I will be recording my final vocals as well."

In November 2022, EPICA released "The Alchemy Project" through Atomic Fire Records. The EP was co-written and performed with diverse guests ranging from extremists like FLESHGOD APOCALYPSE, Niilo Sevänen (INSOMNIUM) and Björn "Speed" Strid (SOILWORK) along with melodic masters like Tommy Karevik (KAMELOT),keyboard legend Phil Lanzon (URIAH HEEP) and Roel Van Helden (POWERWOLF) to a once-in-a-lifetime song with Simons, Charlotte Wessels and Myrkur.

Just one day after the release of its anniversary reissues "We Still Take You With Us" and "Live At Paradiso", EPICA celebrated 20 years of existence live in September 2022 at 013 in Tilburg, Netherlands, the same place where they played their first show (supporting ANATHEMA) back in 2002.

EPICA was formed by Jansen after leaving AFTER FOREVER in 2002, and the band quickly gained attention outside their home country, taking big steps towards becoming the leading symphonic metal superpower they have long proven to be. After their ambitious debut "The Phantom Agony" (2002) and the surprisingly eclectic sophomore work "Consign To Oblivion" (2005),the road took them to new heights via their first concept masterpiece "The Divine Conspiracy" (2007) and their global breakthrough "Design Your Universe" (2009). 2012's opus "Requiem For The Indifferent", 2014's bedazzling "The Quantum Enigma" and "The Holographic Principle" (2016),cemented their reputation as not only one of the hardest-working metal bands in the business but also as one of the best. With "Omega", the final part of the metaphysical trilogy they began with "The Quantum Enigma", they reclaimed the throne without so much as the blink of an eye, amassing three million-plus streams during the first week of the album's release.

Photo credit: Tim Tronckoe

[plscallmeeren]

W H E R E ?

Draco Malfoy x Reader

Request: yes @JulzLovDraco4Eva

Summary: it's year 7 (so everyone's of age remember that) and muggle-born (y/n) is caught at Malfoy Manor and given to Draco so that he can get answers out of her concerning Harry's whereabouts....... Yeah well guess how he gets them huh

Warnings: !!Rape!! while (y/n) does enjoy the experience there is no given consent - do not read if this could make you uncomfortable; breeding fetish; unprotected piv; bondage; spanking; anal; toys; biting; swearing; not proof-read at ALL (fun fact I've never had so many warnings before)

Word Count: 1.6K+

Lucius Malfoy gave his son a hard look, patting him on the shoulder briskly. "I expect you'll employ every method necessary to find Potter's whereabouts?"

"Yes, father." Draco wasn't looking at him, but instead at the fierce-looking girl bound by her wrists, discarded at the foot of his door.

"Any methods, understand?"

"Yes," the boy replied sharply, finally turning to meet his father's glare. "Go on. I'm sure you have better things to do. I'll get the information."

Lucius nodded curtly, striding off down the dark corridors of his manor.

Draco looked back at you, taking notice of the loose black dress that fell in waves around your body. Your waist was outlined by a modern corset with the lace at the front. You snarled at him, terrified, but he had hurt your pride by making torturing you sound so easy.

He gripped you by the nape of your neck, practically throwing you inside his room and closing the door behind him. He cast Muffliato, Silencio and every other spell he could think of before focusing his undivided attention on you. The other Death Eaters delighted in hearing victims' screams half the time, but he refused to give them the satisfaction. Your screams belonged to him, and him only.

"We've come a long way, haven't we, Malfoy? I remember Potions with you. You were a damn good partner, but I should have tipped one of those acidic draughts on you when I had the fucking chance-"

He delivered a harsh slap across your face, silencing you. It didn't hurt that much, but it was a fair warning of how helpless you were in this situation.

"I remember those classes, too. I remember imagining you in my bed and me fucking you until you cried. But don't worry," his lips twisted in a wicked smirk, "I have much more interesting fantasies now."

He edged closer, and you watched with wide eyes as he hoisted you up and laid you down on his king-sized bed. A luxurious bed. A luxury that might teach you pain.

"Fuck me, (y/n). Take my cock. Or are you scared?" He sounded mocking, but you wouldn't have it.

"No, honey, I just have a decent amount of self-respect," you chided, craning your neck to look him in the eye from where you lay on those velvety covers.

"Take me. I won't take no for an answer," he growled. You shook your head. "I want you. I need you. And I need you to tell me where Potter is."

"No," you spat, encompassing all of his apparent needs. You didn't care. You couldn't. He was horrible. Why would you? Right?

"Tough luck," he grimaced, and in one swift motion he had ripped the thin fabric of your dress, tugging it off your body on either side of your corset.

You bit your tongue trying to keep quiet as he dragged you to the edge of the bed, undoing the knot at the top of the corset and yanking on the strings brutally. You felt like you couldn't breathe. You were almost entirely bare and there wasn't enough oxygen in your brain and you felt slightly dizzy and something must have been very wrong because suddenly in this light he looked beautiful...

"There, that's better. You're thinking too much," he purred, tying a new knot so that it remained unbearably tight around your tummy. "Now... you still going to put up a fight?"

You didn't reply.

"Answer me, slut," he snapped, lightly slapping your pussy through the fabric of your panties. You became painfully aware that he could pull those off, too - that you would have to succumb to whatever he wanted.

"Malfoy...," you murmured, and apparently that was enough.

He dragged your black panties down your legs, followed by the bra cupping your weight. You were entirely naked apart from the corset. Your wrists were tied by spell and your wand couldn't reach you here. His handsome image swum before your eyes.

Draco flipped you over, pulling your ass up towards the ceiling. Your elbows dug into the covers as his hands man-handled your buttocks roughly, coming down in a merciless spank once. You flinched, but he didn't seem to care.

"You won't be talking back to me from now on, I expect?" he threatened casually, throwing in another spark on your ass.

"No," you whimpered, subconsciously leaning into his touch.

"Good. And you won't be complaining or resisting?"

Just as you were about to answer, he slid halfway into your ass with only his own pre-cum as lubricant. You moaned accidentally at the pleasurable pain.

"Not answering me again? What good is that? Where's Potter? Where?" He spanked you again.

"N-No, I'll behave, but I won't tell you, I can't-"

He pushed himself further in, the pain now overwhelming the enjoyable quality. Nevertheless, he waited a moment, not torturing you beyond repair, giving you time to adjust. Maybe he wasn't entirely cruel? No, what were you thinking? He was fucking you against your will, not taking no for an answer, looking at you with some sort or adoration...

You forgot what your train of thoughts had been up until that point, simply staring as best you could considering your body faced away from him.

"C'mon, slut. Tell me," he ordered, pinching your clit with two fine fingers. You gasped, but didn't answer his question.

You didn't know if he forgot to ask, or if he gave up, or if he simply didn't care, but he wouldn't ask again.

Suddenly he was pushing two fingers into your virgin cunt like a chanting prayer - in and out and curling and winding. It felt so good. Tight and claustrophobic, but impossibly good.

Just as you were beginning to fully appreciate the way his digits pressed against the same wall that met his cock on the other side, he pulled out - all of it - and walked away. He left you whining and thrashing on his duvet, reluctantly wishing he would return. Somehow, you managed to roll over.

You couldn't believe it. You wanted him to fuck you. You needed him to fuck you. Hell, it hurt, but every part of you was screaming for him to consume, to ravage, to... to...

He did return.

He returned holding three common pegs, as if they had been picked straight off of the washing line or handed to him by house-elves.

Draco silently attached one to both of your nipples, grinning wickedly as you groaned in immediate pain. It hurt. You felt fuzzy from lack of oxygen, but you knew it hurt.

Finally he clamped one onto your clit, making you writhe. He didn't take it off. Instead, he leaned over you, whispering in your ear. It made you feel warm and funny inside. "(Y/n), I'm going to mark you, and it will be much worse than my Dark Mark or a scar reading 'muggle' or anything else... because not only will it be permanent, but it will bring shame upon you, and everyone will know you enjoyed a Death Eater fucking you."

The words didn't make sense, but in your shape, you could hardly tell.

He bit into the flesh of your shoulder harshly, fuelled by your ongoing moans as he moved from your breasts to your throat and back again. You looked a mess - tears streaming, leftover rips of fabric, the colourful marks and bites of a wild man.

It felt so good.

Before you knew it his entire fist was in your pulsating cunt, thrusting from within and hurting and hurting more but feeling incredibly good and full.

Still, you wanted him.

"Push my fist out of your pussy, darling," he whispered. So you did. You pushed with all the muscles of your abdomen until his hand dislodged from your cunt, along with a burst of ecstasy by the name of orgasm.

"Good girl," he reassured you, watching the mix of blood and cum on his bed. "Good girl. Now it's my turn."

He quickly undid his belt, discarding it somewhere in the room before pulling down his pants. His cock was bigger than you had expected - but then again, you didn't have much experience in these sorts of things and you weren't thinking right.

Just as he slipped into you - no coverage - he pulled off the two pegs on your nipples, causing an explosion of agony to rip through your body as he began pounding into you.

"D-Draco," you managed, watching his bare cock slam into your ripe cunt.

"Yes, (y/n)?"

You changed you mind, or rather, you forgot what you were going to say. Instead, you told him: "I want you."

Unlike what you had expected, he reacted with gentleness, slowing his pace, moving in curved, cleaner motions. "I want you, too. I'm glad you see it now."

"Draco?" you prompted, regaining your breath as you enjoyed less sore but still ecstatic sensations.

"Mhm?"

"Harry, Ron and Hermione were at Grimmauld place last I heard."

He bummed again, but didn't reply. He hadn't been craving that information. That wasn't why he did this. "I'm coming," he grunted, then stayed in your pussy until his own juices were leaking from your folds.

You panted, shifting your body above your magical bounds to get more comfortable.

You didn't want anything but him, either. But what a crazed way to find out.

[ingravinoveritas]

martinsharmony replied to your post "UMMMM DOCTOR AGREEING WITH DONNA SAYING ISSAC…"

I've saved this post until I watched all 3 specials. HOLY SHIT FIRE I agree that it feels like a lighted path @ingravinoveritas. I feel like the whole thing was made for David. They chose HIM for a reason. Or maybe he chose IT? There couldn't be a more perfect person for this. It must have felt SO important, for a variety of reasons. The whole thing to me seemed to bring Dr Who into the present day. Very now. Very relevant. And just think how much it must mean to Wilf <3

@martinsharmony I have an Ask waiting in my inbox that will allow me to talk more about this, but in brief: There have been a lot of people in the fandom on Twitter attacking Michael--and by extension David--lately, and one thing that has incensed me beyond measure is seeing someone say David (and Georgia) never cared about queer rights until they had a LGBTQ+ child. While I can't confidently speak to Georgia's stance, I feel very strongly that that is definitely not at all the case with David. This is something I have felt for a long time now, but most especially since hearing him on that podcast last year: That having an LGBTQ+ child has made David significantly more vocal about queer rights, but it was far from what made him start caring about it in the first place.

Listening to that podcast now, in the context of the DW 60th anniversary specials--specials we knew nothing about at the time the podcast aired, but that David did know about--makes things even clearer. It's not about acknowledging that the Doctor is queer, or downplaying what happened in those specials because "the Doctor has always been queer." It's about this iteration of the Doctor being able to acknowledge it. It's about David, who played (arguably, as far as I'm aware) the most popular modern incarnation of the Doctor, openly being not straight on international television. Even if it was something as casual as saying Isaac Newton is hot, the entire point is that it was something he couldn't have said while playing Ten all those years ago.

It's also my understanding that other DW actors were approached for the specials but declined to take part (someone please correct me if I have that wrong, though), but as you said, it genuinely feels like the whole thing was made and meant for David. That in this particular time and cultural climate--which is, in some ways, more difficult and less safe to be queer in than 15 years ago--and after having played Crowley for two seasons of Good Omens, it was David who was tasked with bringing DW into a new era. It was David who Russell trusted to help the audience understand why it mattered, because he knew David already understood why.

Maybe David understood because he knew what it would mean to Wilf, or because he came to discover what it meant to himself--or both. The entire point is that something lead him to this lighted path, and now he knows it's there and that he has the choice to follow wherever it may lead. It's also that there are countless queer kids and teenagers who watched those 60th anniversary specials who are now going to feel safe being themselves because of David, just as watching Doctor Who as a child made him feel safe to be himself. And I can't think of anything more beautiful than that...

[yukidragon]

You ever consider bringing back slasher couple Alice and Jack? I think about them a lot.

New hotels on the run, with a dead couple lying on the floor of their new room. Poisoned yogurts for rude customers at a new job. New fertilized forget-me-nots behind a picket fence with the bodies of a man who tried hitting on Alice.

That sort of thing.

I'm happy you enjoyed the Slasher AU so much! Those are some pretty fun and twisted ideas you have for it~! I haven't touched on this one for a while, but after listening to this really good Jeff the Killer rewrite by Pastra, I'm in a pulpy creepypasta killer kind of mood, so let's play a little, shall we?

Content Warnings: there will be talk of sex and violence like a good old classic 80's slasher film. I likely won't go too explicit on the gore, but maybe the spice if the mood takes me. This post is just an excuse to talk about two very twisted individuals being in love as they indulge in their darker desires.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

As you might recall from my previous post on the topic, the tale of Alice and Jack in this universe is a twist on the classic slasher movie formula. Main character and "final girl" Alice winds up being corrupted to give in to her darker impulses by Jack, who has already fallen to his inner depravity after decades being trapped in hell.

The story ended with all of Jack's rivals and targets of revenge dead and LambsWork Productions burned to the ground. What's left now?

Why, help his sunshine finish getting her revenge while they hide from the authorities of course.

Yes, there were awful customers and co-workers ripe for the picking, as well as a shameless exploitive boss, but Alice has been bullied all her life. She has a list of people who she's wanted revenge on for a long time, and Jack has encouraged her to get that revenge no matter how long it takes.

This means that even people who long since forgot the kid they used to bully in kindergarten have a target on their backs.

And they deserve it, in Jack's not so humble opinion. Anyone who tries to hurt or steal his sunshine deserves to pay. Alice had to deal with the scars for so long, and he knows what it's like to suffer for years and years haunted by the memory of abusers who got off scot free.

As far as everyone is aware, Alice was among the many victims of the mysterious killer that swept through the area. Even her family believes that she's dead, but it's for the best. They're innocent. Alice stayed away from them after moving out because she was afraid of hurting them. It would be so easy to kill someone so defenseless as a family who loves and trusts her...

Jack nurtures his twisted justifications for these sadistic urges in Alice. It's deemed acceptable to slowly skin someone begging for their life if they were guilty of casual cruelty to either of them. It helps keep guilt at bay and warps their perception of reality.

With Alice's knowledge of modern technology and how things have changed, and Jack silver tongue capable of manipulating most people, the pair are difficult for authorities or anyone else trying to stop them to track.

Of course, after the final battle with Shaun at LambsWork, Alice needed to take time to heal from her injuries... or perhaps a little bit more than that.

In classic horror movie twist, the monster survived at the end. Jack had managed a ritual to bring himself back... and imagine how much worse he would be mentally if he had to bring back Alice as well.

Shaun was fighting for his life after all. It came down to him or Alice, who he was sure was the killer. Kill or be killed, and if Jack didn't manage to save her in time...

I'm reminded of the now sadly removed trailer for the game where Shaun is losing it, saying what he's doing feels wrong. Imagine if he got enough evidence to suspect Alice of being the killer, and caught hints of something dangerous and supernatural around her. Imagine his paranoia and fear ramping up to the point that he's scared of her, convinced that she's possessed by some great evil.

Imagine how much it would hurt Alice if this happened before she had fallen under the sway of Jack's temptations.

Being betrayed by a friend certainly could push anyone over the edge....

Then again, being stalked by an ex-boyfriend or a customer can also be enough of a tipping point to commit violence. It'd just be especially personal to have Shaun "betray" her after all he did for her when Ian betrayed her by cheating on her. Who can Alice even really trust?

Why, Jack, of course~! He certainly proves it by using the same ritual that allowed to come back to life to bring her back as well. Fortunately this ritual goes a lot better than the one Alice performs in the Bad End AU. She gets to come back whole and healthy with a new lease on life.

Everyone believes Alice is dead, there were even witnesses who saw her broken lifeless body.

Man... imagine if Shaun actually did somehow survive the incident at LambsWork and how much trauma he would have from killing Alice, as well as all the deaths that happened around him. It'd be worse if he realized that Jack was influencing her and was the true serial killer only after he had been forced to act. Who would ever believe him that a ghost was the true killer? There were witnesses who saw Alice already dead while the killings were still happening. She was just another innocent victim...

Though, really, if Shaun did manage to kill Alice, Jack wouldn't have let him live. Jack would've lost his ever loving mind seeing his sunshine, dead and lifeless, her beautiful warm life snuffed out before his eyes.

Of course, Shaun could have somehow managed to escape. Jack wouldn't be thinking clearly in that situation, which would make him sloppy, leaving openings for Shaun to exploit and believe he managed to somehow defeat Jack.

Gosh, there are so many possibilities with this AU, so many twists in the slasher horror movie formula to take.

If Shaun did survive that awful night, he'd be struggling with major PTSD, terrified that Jack will return to finish the job.

Of course, if Shaun survived, that just means that after Jack brings his sunshine back to life, they'll both be plotting ways to get sufficient revenge on Shaun.

Alice would have the supernatural slasher powers now too, similar to Jack - undead and dangerous. She would have an axe to grind, being betrayed by her best friend who murdered her.

Jack, ever sensitive to his sunshine's needs, would of course help her burning desire for revenge. He would certainly have plenty of ideas on how to prolong Shaun's suffering to appropriately punish him for murdering Alice.

So the sequel movie could either be Shaun having to deal with people around him getting killed and taunts from supernatural slashers, or just a romp of a road trip with Jack and Alice going around to settle old scores. It all depends if Shaun survives the first movie or not. Poor guy is in for an awful time either way.

Since I'm starting to feel bad for picking on Shaun for just trying to make it out alive, let's switch over to other slasher targets the twisted couple go after.

I loved the fertilizer idea, but since Alice is the one with more experience gardening, I think she's the one more likely to come up with that idea. She can use the bodies of people who hit on Jack. There'll be plenty of those to keep her flowers healthy forever. Jack is such a handsome man after all, and so many people lust after him now that he has a living body again.

Jack kind of finds it kind of cute that Alice gets so crazy jealous over him. She's so silly thinking anyone could steal him away from her. As if that could ever happen. He always makes sure to reassure her with sweet words and lovemaking after she's vented her frustration on her perceived rival.

I imagine Jack would also find it pretty sexy. Nothing turns a psycho on like watching his lover torture someone for the sake of keeping him all to herself~

Jack understands how Alice feels of course. He goes crazy when someone sets their sights on her. She doesn't even notice when someone flirts with her most of the time, but he still hates it. Mentally destroying the culprit before killing them in creative ways is cathartic for him. It's also a way he can show Alice just how much he loves her~!

If Alice did die, Jack's overprotectiveness would crank up a lot. He failed to protect her, his irreplaceable sunshine. It was fortunate that he could bring her back, just like he brought himself back, but he was forced to see her body, lifeless, broken. He was forced to live with the fear that she was gone for good.

Jack is a lot more possessive and handsy with Alice in public after that. He'll carry her around a lot more often, feeling secure having his sunshine in his arms. He takes the lead with their kills, making sure that he's the one taking the risks instead of her, so that nothing can happen to her ever again.

Of course, Alice doesn't like Jack risking himself recklessly. She wants them both to be together forever~

To the people around them, Jack is an incredibly clingy boyfriend. One minute the new neighbors are talking with Alice, the next Jack is wrapped around her from behind, whining that he missed her as he nuzzles his face into her hair. Even though he was just moving boxes into the house only a literal minute ago.

Alice laughs fondly at Jack's antics before squeaking in surprise as he picks her up into his arms. She admonishes him, but without any real weight to it, and tries to wrap up the conversation, flustered. Jack is fine chatting with the new neighbors like this though.

Why, yes, they are crazy for each other, and are very happy together. Thanks for noticing~!

The pair seem so wholesome and sweet, almost sickeningly sappy. Jack is so silly and such a sucker for Alice that even his size, build, and tattoos aren't enough to make people feel intimidated by him for long. He's so gosh darn friendly, and Alice is so cute and easily flustered.

They are sappy even in private too... even in less than wholesome circumstances.

I got this image of the pair in a room, maybe in their home maybe elsewhere. After having finished a long, busy night, the two are in the bathroom getting cleaned up. Alice sits on the counter, carefully shaving the stubble from Jack's face as he savors the attention. They have a sweet and silly conversation, but annoying noises from the other room keep interrupting them.

Halfway through the shave, Alice snaps the razorblade free and throws it into the other room, resulting in a muffled scream. She feigns as though it was an accident, that she merely "slipped" because all the noise from their guest distracted her. Jack chuckles and remarks they probably shouldn't keep their guest waiting anymore.

However, as Jack turns to go take care of things, Alice catches him by the chin and gently turns him back to her, cooing that they can wait until she's done taking care of him. Jack just melts at her insistence to take care of him and cheerfully tells their guest that they're just going to have to be patient a bit longer~!

Alice adds too that she has plenty of fresh razor blades to get the job done, a subtle threat of what will happen if the noises continue. With that she goes back to finishing the shave with a fresh razor blade and making Jack feel so loved and understood.

Overall, the vibe of these two would be like a more twisted Gomez and Morticia. They're as sweet on each other as they are in Sunshine in Hell, but only to each other. With everyone else the kindness is fake, and they've lost the ability to care about the suffering of anyone but each other.

Slasher Alice and Jack don't target at random, but their criteria for targets does involve a lot of disproportionate retribution. The neighbors are safe as long as they remain friendly... but not too friendly.

Alice and Jack are not just slashers, they're also very, very yandere for each other. Woe be it to anyone who tries to separate them.

Really, it's fitting that Jeff the killer would fuel this ramble considering this sort of slasher couple self-indulgence would fit right into the creepypasta OC craze. This AU is basically all about a couple of fucked up killers finding joy in taking brutal, bloody revenge. Victims are not people but toys to play with until they break. It's very creepypasta OC-coded.

[kafus]

i really need to talk about why Gestalt is the perfect song to kick off Kaf's new era a little bit or i'm going to explode

talking about this requires some background knowledge and i'm aware most people who are going to read this probably don't know that much about Kaf so i'll talk about her history a little bit - Gestalt is Kaf's first solo release in a whole year. this is a considerably long time for her, and it's because the person who had been writing her songs for/with her for her entire career, Kanzaki Iori, left Kamitsubaki Studio early last year due to personal complications with himself as an artist (he is still on very good terms with Kaf and the rest of Kamitsubaki's staff!!)

additionally, Kaf's music with Kanzaki had always primarily been centered on various bittersweet and painful themes, but especially the pain of growing up/becoming an adult. this was especially pertinent because Kaf started Being Kaf when she was 14 years old, so she was singing from a place of genuine teenage angst. as she began to inch closer to adulthood and then became an adult herself, however, the feeling of her music shifted from singing about a far-off adult future, to an incredibly immediate one, with songs like her final song with Kanzaki, Kaikou, but especially Kyoukankaku which also came out during those last few months of Kanzaki being around. (i will spare you a whole ramble about these songs, you just have to take my word on the thematics up to this point lol. feel free to look into it further if you like)

so, Kanzaki leaving left Kaf in a bit of a limbo state for a while since so much of her musical identity was built off of her work with him and the topics they explored. she would need to form a new musical identity and figure out where to go from Kanzaki leaving... she spent about a year releasing her last songs with him as well as pumping out covers and collaboration songs with other musicians. but now, finally, she's back to releasing her own work! Gestalt was actually debuted at her KAIKA concert back in January, but only now has the studio release and full music video come out.

Gestalt is representational of her finally entering her new era after this big transitional period. even the official english description for Gestalt says:

KAF embarks on the next stage of her journey.

and oh boy does she!!!

Gestalt looks and feels like a super fun dance song in both the song itself and the MV. the description also says:

Over a year since KAF's last solo release, "Gestalt" is a 'killer dance tune' for the modern age.

and they're right. it is a killer dance tune. this shit slaps. but there's more to it than that.

it's immediately apparent when looking at the lyrics that there's more going on here - take this bit from the official english translation of the first verse for example:

From emotions to configurations When they start to break down I lose all understanding In so many ways Ahh I can't breathe Celebrating suffocation I can't take this

doesn't sound very fun or happy right? sounds chaotic. kaf is suffocating. she is losing her shit. but then it's followed up with:

Drop the beat! This disruptive Unnatural Forbidden gathering "Don't come here" "Don't look there" This is where it all starts to get good It's greedy Warped and twisted But hold me tight It's so hard to get it right, this losing game Seems like working together is the only way

to me, this is Kaf inviting the audience to dance with her amidst the chaos that she and all of us are suffocating in. the "unnatural and forbidden gathering" part is referring to how her and all of us are outcasts of society, how us trying to dance and experience joy while suffocating is looked at strangely. but the only way to survive in "this losing game" (of adult life) is to Work Together! be together!! dance together!!

that idea of being together in spite of suffering is the core message of the entire song, which is even brought out by its title, Gestalt. Gestaltism is essentially the idea that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, that the whole is worth more than the individual components. both the title and the lyrics of the song emphasize togetherness and dancing as a whole.

this is already a much more optimistic take on those themes of Adulthood Hard and Life Is Pain, portrayed in a much peppier way than Kaf is generally used to. it's familiar, it feels like Kaf, but there's a new spin on it now! it really feels like Kaf is debuting her new era with explosive energy. it's very much "i lived bitch" to me - she's an adult now like she always dreaded being but despite it all she's dancing within the chaos and you should join her for that in this new era!!

but it actually goes deeper than that, because Kaf's MVs have always been made thoughtfully and usually pertain to the meaning of the song, and this one is no different. the animation also ties back into this transition and meaning.

^ these screencaps are from Gestalt (2024) and Just Forget About It (2019) respectively. both music videos were directed by Kawasaki Kenji, who worked on most of Kaf's older music videos and was the person who defined her visual style for a good portion of her career. older Kaf MVs almost always had some element of Kaf existing in real life environments, like some sort of alien girl wandering the streets of Tokyo. she was often put into very mundane locations with a good amount of wide shots, creating this ethereal feeling.

well, Kenji implements those themes into Gestalt for sure... a lot of the MV feels like an older Kaf MV. but there's a couple MAJOR differences...

instead of just idling around and looking wistful like in her older videos, she is DANCING!! and the usual typography in her videos is extremely stylized and much more colorful than usual, plus the environments are decorated with a ton of colorful and overlapping shapes breaking up the relatively mundane and even melancholic looking environment (for the record, "gestalt" is also a type of visual design involving closed shapes, so the typography and shape language here also ties into the title of the song lol).

essentially what they've done here is draw back on the Kaf everyone knows and loves but gone hey, now it's colorful and explosive and high energy! this is new, too!! which is exactly what the song is trying to do as well! familiar themes but portrayed in a completely new light

and as one last aside, it is also worth mentioning real quick that Kaf's current outfit for the year or so, Raichou, was debuted at her concert in January where this song was also debuted, and while not specific to Gestalt, her character designer PALOW really made sure to change how Kaf looks a lot more than usual this time for her new era. Kaf has a new main look every year or so and those outfits can define entire eras for her, and usually they're darker and heavier on the blue, but Raichou is nearly devoid of any blue and has a very different feel. they even changed her hair to be cut flat, something she hasn't done before.

anyways TLDR; my takeaway from Gestalt is i'm dancing with Kaf in this new era amidst the world being on fire so hard. joy and whimsy in the face of suffering bitch‼️get ready because Kaf is going to keep making banger music in new ways the likes of which we have never seen!!! this song is literally a perfect transitional song drawing on Kaf of old and bringing her into the new. absolutely genius. Piedpiper has done it again. thank you Jazzin'park for your service

[pomplalamoose]

Dating DILF Luke: a relationship's development

🐞modern day AU🐞

A/N: Happy new year, lovely people🩵 this was supposed to be a normal dating headcanons post but apparently I'm unable to do these when it comes to Dilf!Luke, so please take whatever this is instead👉🏻👈🏻

cw: slight mentions of smut but nothing explicit

a very small taglist: @the1sunshine1girl

• a kiss can say more than a thousand words

• it can be a revelation

• it can change everything or nothing at all

• it's possible that a kiss can set something in motion

• and in your case it does, although very slowly

• after so much time of desperate yearning it brings the consoling knowledge that, yes, Luke does, to some extent, return your feelings

• this is what you wished for, dreamed of and imagined in detail during countless nights, and yet the discovery hits you unexpectedly

• it fills you with joy but a sense of reluctance as well, one that you can't quite make sense of

• it's truly remarkable how such a quiet, short moment can leave one feeling completely unprepared and maybe even a little bit scared

• because what to expect?

• how to move forward?

• should you be the one to take the next step or would he prefer to do so?

• are you dating now?

• most importantly: does he even want a committed relationship?

• or are you nothing more to him than a fleeting fancy?

• a nice distraction from his still evident grieve?

• your head feels like it's about to burst with all the unanswered questions getting worse by the minute

• Luke, on the other hand, is elated

• he feels like he's floating, walking on clouds wherever he goes, no matter that already several days have passed since he first kissed you

• unable to think of another way to describe his constant state, he finds himself feeling very much like a horny teenage boy whenever you're around him

• suddenly growing hard several times a day, he's repeatedly forced to leave situations to take care of it, the reasons ranging from seeing you in a bikini to the way you play with your hair

• not to mention the time he had to watch you devotedly licking ice cream off your fingers or when you called him Mr. Skywalker in jest

• if you were able to take a look inside his head you wouldn't think to question his feelings or motivations to be with you for even a second

• he knows what he wants; has known for a long time, even though it took him quite a while to admit it to himself

• regardlessly he's struggling as well; at first his troubles may seem similar to yours but quickly take a rather dark turn

• insecurities about his person have always been there, smoldering at the back of his mind but never was he so aware of them as he is now

• Luke wants to give you the world and more but knows he has some serious issues to work through before he can consider taking things further with you, which, unconsciously or not, puts him under immense pressure

• it's overwhelming and he's at a loss for where to start

• there is so much he feels he needs to fix in order to ever be good enough for you, to be what he feels you deserve

• additionally, turning his gaze inward in order to confront and let go of what no longer serves him, will take time

• lots of time

• time he could instead be spending with you

• he absolutely hates it, sometimes even going so far as to hate his own want to be reasonable

• but how could you be happy with someone in his current state?

• and just why does this have to be so complicated when it could be so simple

• your feelings towards him are genuine and so are his, so why not simply...act on them?

• that is just the point, though

• he can't, shouldn't, if he wishes for your happiness

• a healthy relationship, romantic as well as sexual, is built on mutual trust and communication about what's important to both parts

• you are and hopefully will agree to be a part of this just as much as he is

• so of course you should have the possibility to voice your thoughts, to share with him your expectations

• he can't just swoop in and declare you his when maybe that's not what you're comfortable with

• for god's sake, he doesn't even know any details about your dating life!

• there's so much he could accidentally do wrong

• so many ways in which he could accidentally hurt you

• there's no way he wants to risk this

• so shoving down his desperate need to be with you, he reigns himself back in, silently vowing to take things on at your pace

• from experience he knows he tends to come off strong, too strong for even some of his past partners liking, his love and lust easily overwhelming

• thus, afraid to smother you, to scare you away, he's set on giving you space, as much as you could ever need, to let your relationship evolve naturally

• and he does, he really tries his best, but feels horribly guilty at the same time

• it feels like he's lying to you, like he's pretending to be someone he's not

• because while objectively he knows he's doing the right thing, the reasonable thing, it's not what every last cell of his being screams at him to do instead

• from the very beginning he has had to reign himself back in and apart from a few slip ups always managed to, yes, but now it has become a nearly impossible task

• constantly, and as it seems, without a single break, he is wrangling with his possessiveness

• it tears him apart how much he wants you basically glued to his side while at the same being afraid to be too much

• but surely that way nothing could ever hurt or happen to you, right?

• that way he could make sure of it!

• he'd do everything for you, you wouldn't have to leave the house ever again

• and never would the same horribly fate of his late wife befall you as well

• yes, he'd take such good care of you, provide anything you could ever need

• food, money, a safe and comfortable home...

• then, every day late in the afternoon he'd return from work to lovely you waiting for him

• you'd share a romantic dinner together, with joy he'd listen to you telling him about your day

• and later that night, he'd make passionate love to you until you peacefully fall asleep in his arms

• indulging in those selfish fantasies excites him more than he ultimately would've believed possible

• what started as a way to calm himself, soon escaped his grip to turn into even more fuel for his already escalating explicit thoughts

• and to think you know nothing of it, probably remaining strong in your belief about sharing a rather innocent connection, unaware of the dreams visiting him at night...

• it ashames and turns him on equally

• he, to no avail, wants to put a stop to it

• and yet it's nearly become what some would call an addiction, an obsession, to imagine your shining innocence in stark contrast to himself, sick with lust

• you'd give yourself to him, he knows, and he'd corrupt you, ruin you, deriving his pleasure from it

• from the way he'd make you fulfill every one of his little fantasies he's had since the day he laid his eyes on you

• usually it's at this point that he snaps out of his spiraling thoughts in terror and forces himself to take a cold shower

• everything to avoid having to face the truth

• to avoid the sad fact that, what he wants the most is to simply care for someone and to be needed in return

• from an outside perspective nobody is able to tell what's going on inside of him as he, more unintentionally than not, appears to be a man nothing but smitten, though maybe a little bit withdrawn

• his efforts to make sure you're well and comfortable are just as attentive as the polite compliments he pays you from time to time

• nothing betrays his struggles and when he pulls away it seems to be more out of shyness, a byproduct of his gentle advances towards you

• he remains a mystery

• you can't say you mind awfully much, not when it's what he has always been and especially not now that your feelings are being returned

• instead you revel in his thoughtful approaches and bath in the glow of his recognition

• a fleeting contact of soft skin here

• a smile shared in secret

• his broad hand on your lower back when he passes by

• a careful tug to your braid

• or his fingers under your chin to get your attention

• and even though a slight nervousness on your part stays, it's overshadowed by the sheer admiration you have for him

• if only Luke knew

• his heart would beat easier if only he were able to take a look inside your head and see how much you adore him

[blackbatcass]

I really really wanna know more about Donna Troyyy, so far I love her so much but I don't wanna be the type of person who claims they love a character then can't name 5 things about them. I wanna do her justice and really understand her character and purpose. I also don't wanna read something that completely mischaracterizes her because I'm aware that there's a LOT of that these days. I was hoping you could give me some recommendations to read after my tests?

Thank you so much if you do, and have a wonderful day! <3

I think I can help with that! Luckily donna's characterization is pretty solid & consistent in any comic up to around 2006. i would be wary of more modern interpretations of her but for most of her older appearances you don't really have to worry about bad writing.

The number 1 rec for donna is always New Teen Titans, that's where pretty much the majority of her appearances and character development take place in the 80s and 90s. The whole series is very long though so if you want more specific recommendations that focus on her I would definitely read ntt vol 1 #38, vol 2 #7-9, #18-21, #47, and #50-55. Issues 18-21 especially are probably my number one rec for donna if you're interested in seeing her flaws and struggles; those four issues took place when the titans were kind of falling apart, donna had to step up and call the shots, and it's a really neat insight into her character that i don't think gets quite as much attention as arcs like her origin stories. You'll probably honestly get a good feel for her if you pick any couple of arcs from NTT and read them through.

Wonder Woman (1987) #126-136 is a very important arc that reiterates donna's borderline horror dimension-bending origin weirdness. Titans '99 is a must-read for her, and jumping off that the Return of Donna Troy miniseries is like... Thee donna comic of all time so i would definitely recommend that. In between ntt and titans 99 she was in things like green lantern and darkstars but honestly the biggest things for her character you have to know from that time are that she and terry got divorced, she was dating kyle rayner, terry tried to take custody away from her, and terry & robbie died in a car accident.

There are way more detailed and comprehensive rec lists you can find in my donna tag if you're interested- I left out arcs like total chaos which are narratively very important for her but i don't think are quite as good a showcase for her as a character- but I think if you just want to get a feel for her character these are a good place to start. if you want like a primer on some of her major character traits i can definitely provide that lol:

donna is an incredibly emotionally intelligent and kind person who is a very good listener and always ready to help, which is why she's pretty much the #1 trusted person every single titan goes to when they need to vent. unfortunately being the appointed Fixer of All Problems Mom Friend when you're like barely an adult gets pretty overwhelming and is a very unfair weight to put a person; you can see this start to grate on her in titans 99 especially. something I like about donna is how open and honest she is with people about her struggles. most characters in the superhero genre would rather die than admit they need help and will never ever talk about their problems without being forced to, but donna isn't like that. if you ask her what's wrong she's going to be honest and tell you what's bothering her. she struggles a LOT with trying to appear 'perfect' in everyone else's eyes, and is really motivated by seeming to have it all together even when she doesn't. this is fueled a lot by her not being born an amazon and not knowing where she came from; the fact that for a lot of ntt she doesn't know her own history really gets under her skin. donna's identity issues are a HUGE part of her character especially later on as retcons and reboots get folded into her story. her past doesn't make sense. she has like nine competing backstories. she's one of the only people to remember the world pre-crisis on infinite earths and has literally been been forced out of existence and remade through pure memories, not to mention all the times dark angel forced her to live different lives until she reached rock bottom as a punishment for diana lol. in one origin she literally is not a real person and was just a mirror twin of diana. the main tagline associated with her is 'who is donna troy?' lol. which i think is fascinating and a very fucked up existence.

Anyway! I can talk about my girl all day. I hope this was at least a little bit helpful!

[strwbmei]

Matchup Event

Matchup for: @demonlordlawliet

Matchups: Silver Wolf, Rita, Keqing

Contains: marking, biting, nipple play (Silver Wolf)

A/N: I love Silver Wolf so much! Writing for her is so fun

Ask: Hi Mei, this is the guy who usually asked how are you. Yeah feels a bit weird doing this unanonymous. I got some free time so i decided to participate in this. It can be any scenario or hcs whatever be easier for you (sfw and nsfw)

My personality: I'm usually quite and distant but i can be friendly and welcoming. I have my sly side sometime to time since i usually i'm a very reserved person. Like this account for example, i keep this hidden. Sometimes i have a bit of trust issues since i'm afraid of being betrayed. I do enjoy watching anime and occassionally playing games, i have times were i want to be alone so that i can reflect on things. I have this bad a habit of not being able to relax when i have soo much work and i can be a bit obsessive towards said work until i finished it. Sometimes i can be a bit impatient over work but i procrastanated a little to relax and calm down since i'm aware if my limits. I'm inexperienced in romantic things or relantionships in general, since i'm not really interested in having a partner yet. But if the right person comes along i'm willing to try it. I personally don't mind trying new things and i tried to be open minded since i enjoying learning new things and understanding other people's perspective. I'm currently on my fourth year of college trying to finish my social work degree as i find social work a fascinanted and insteresting since it studies social science.

Fandom: Any fandom you see fit (Genshin, Honkai, Hi3rd, Reverse 1999) I don't have any particular en mind as long as they are women since i'm straight

Silver Wolf

╰┈➤ SFW ;

: ̗̀➛ You're both interested in mostly the same things and have similar views towards the world, which is how you were able to get her to come out of her shell a little bit. It's hard to find someone to talk to games about in the Stellaron Hunters, after all.

: ̗̀➛ Silver Wolf finally feels like there's someone who can understand her! She really likes talking to you, and it shows. Everyone else can see how her eyes light up when she talks to you, and its certainly not because of the game she was rambling about. Kafka teases her about it sometimes, but she brushes it off. The two of you are just bros... right?

: ̗̀➛ You realize that you're actually pretty compatible, and Silver Wolf is the one to suggest that you just try things out. There's nothing to lose after all. You may have made a few moves in the past, but you're both inexperienced with romance so Silver Wolf just thinks of them as something that friends usually do from where you're from.

: ̗̀➛ She's the more relaxed one out of you two, so she balances your impatience with work. As she says, "you'll cross that bridge when you get there." Just indulge Silver Wolf with a few hours of gaming together—it's her way of trying to take your mind off of things. Plus, you get to spend quality time together which is always fun.

: ̗̀➛ Silver Wolf would be very curious about the place you came from, mostly the culture. What do the people there usually eat for breakfast? Are there any romantic traditions you want to try/follow? Things like that. She wants you to feel like you're at home when you're with her. Of course, if you don't want her to pry, she'll respect your wishes.

: ̗̀➛ Silver Wolf is very awkward when expressing affection so you'll have to be patient with her. For example, when she wants to spend time with you, she'll kind of just... hang around you and wait for you to ask her. Like a cat too prideful to ask for its owner's attention. She thinks having you with her can make anything and everything a lot less boring.

It's the weekend. You can hear the sound of light rain tapping against the windows, simulated by the courtesy of modern technology. You're sat on a couch. Your body sinks into the cushions perfectly, as if you were sitting on a fluffy cloud.

The monitor in front of you is playing a show you've been wanting to start for a long time now. The struggles from the past week seem to melt away as you enjoy the pleasant ambiance. This is truly the life. Everything is perfect in this particular moment.

Well, other than the fact that you can hear your girlfriend grumbling about a game and how her teammates are feeding the enemy team.

She's made your lap into a makeshift pillow without saying a word, her legs hanging off the arm of the couch as she chews on bubblegum.

"Wolfie," You call to her, earning a disapproving glare from the smaller woman as the bubblegum pops. Seems "Wolfie" isn't very fond of that nickname.

"...Do you want to watch with me?" You ask. She grunts in faux annoyance before setting her game down.

╰┈➤ NSFW ;

"As long as you don't call me "Wolfie" again."

: ̗̀➛ Silver Wolf loves it when you compliment her during sex, but like with most other things, she'll never show it. She has a stronger reaction when you call her cute, though, since she tries to deny it.

: ̗̀➛ She's the type to hide into the pillow as much as she can—she doesn't want you to see what kind of faces she's making, and it helps her muffle her whimpers and moans.

: ̗̀➛ Her back arch is crazy. Silver Wolf is surprisingly flexible for someone who does (mostly) nothing but sit in front of a computer screen all day.

: ̗̀➛ Also, her stomach area is particularly sensitive. Run your fingers over it, especially around the area where it's bulging from your cock, and she'll be clenching around you like crazy.

: ̗̀➛ Silver Wolf might leave marks on you in the heat of the moment, but she much prefers if you leave some on her instead. She'll grumble about it the morning after and pretend to be annoyed, though.

"Mmh... Just give me a moment," Silver Wolf says through deep breaths, her voice coming out whinier than she intended.

Could you blame her? It's hard to keep focus when she's on your lap, your fingers lightly twisting her nipples. "Don't mind me. Keep on playing."

Silver Wolf swears that she'll kill you if she ends up losing this match. You aren't usually so needy, but it didn't help that she spent more time in front of a screen than with you.

This wouldn't be a problem—it'd probably be a good opportunity for you to spend time together under normal circumstances. Except it's a single player game.

Silver Wolf's noises get more frequent and frustrated, before she finally lets out a grunt. You look over at the screen and see the word 'DEFEAT' written in a bold red.

"Oh." You didn't think that she'd lose. You were going a bit easy on her, in fact. A hint of guilt seeps into your heart when Silver Wolf looks back at you, cheeks flushed as she pouts.

You quickly apologize, offering to get her a glass of water or anything to make amends. You didn't expect what Silver Wolf said next, though.

"Hmph, if you really want to make it up to me... You can begin by finishing what you started."

Rita Rossweise

╰┈➤ SFW ;

: ̗̀➛ As you and many other people see it, you and Rita couldn't be more different. As Rita sees it, others just think of her too highly. Well, only because that was what she intended. Her elegance isn't innate, it's a technique. Its basic requirement is the restraint of emotions and everything about herself that she deems unnecessary.

: ̗̀➛ The feelings she had for you were complicated. She chose to call it envy. To Rita, you're the most perfect imperfection. A contradiction among contradictions that she couldn't help but become drawn to. She envies how free and true to yourself you seem to be all the time.

: ̗̀➛ When you start to get to know her, you realize that there's much more to her than what meets the eye. More to her than what she allows to meet the eye. You hated her practiced, almost permanent smile that reminded you of pleasantries and small talk. You wanted to see her genuinely smile.

: ̗̀➛It became your mission for a while, but it was... surprisingly easy. It doesn't take much to make Rita Rossweise smile. You realize its just that barely anyone cared to truly know her. It's a shame how much people are missing out. After all, there's no doubt Rita is the most beautiful when she's happy.

: ̗̀➛ Working for her is like 2nd nature—it helps her to relax. Rita knows that isn't the case for most people, though. As such, she helps you as much as she can and makes sure you're balancing your health and career/studies. She also tries to look for ways to make it more "fun" for you so that you don't stress yourself out as much.

: ̗̀➛ Rita is the best at giving massages! Her hands are magic. She should be charging for them, honestly, with how good they are. Somehow, Rita already knows which spots ache the most and just how to fix it even without you telling her. Once she's done, you'll feel that your body is lighter than it ever was before.

Rita muses, setting a cup of coffee along with a tray of snacks on your table. The familiar, comforting scent of your most favorite blend of coffee wafts through the air.

"Don't you think it's time for you to take a break, dear?"

Rita had memorized the way you liked your coffee like the back of her hand. "Thank you, Rita, but I'll finish the rest of this first." You give her the warmest smile you can manage before turning to face what you had been working on.

Rita sighs, a rare instance of her letting her emotions slip. "Love," She takes the pile of papers on your desk, straightening the stack out before placing them back.

"overworking yourself like this will only hinder your performance." Rita says, fully aware that you've probably had this same exact conversation multiple times before.

It's amazing how stubborn the both of you can be. You're determined to finish your work, and Rita is just as determined to get you to take a break for once.

However, the vixen has a fatal trick up her sleeve; one that has a 100% chance of working on you.

She gently places her hand atop yours, pressing a chaste kiss on your cheek before calling your name in the softest voice you've heard her use. "If you don't want to rest, would you at least join me in getting a breath of fresh air?"

Well... what's the harm, right?

╰┈➤ NSFW ;

: ̗̀➛ She's a very teasing power bottom most of the time. That said, Rita isn't the type to order you around. She's more keen on giving you hints/urging you towards a direction that'll have the both of you feeling good.

: ̗̀➛ Rita's moans are very pretty. They aren't the loudest, and she doesn't make much sound often, but they're breathy and drawn out.

: ̗̀➛ Rita is very adventurous when it comes to kinks. Of course, she'll only do it if you're also comfortable, but she'll never say no to something without at least trying it first.

: ̗̀➛ She's the type to wrap herself up in ribbons and give herself to you on special occasions such as Christmas Eve, your birthday, anniversaries, and Valentine's.

: ̗̀➛ The morning after, she'll be super cuddly and affectionate towards you. Of course, it's mainly because Rita loves you, but she also wants to leave the scent of her perfume all over you because she doesn't like sharing what's hers.

Sex with Rita feels... oddly prospective.

Or at least, that's what you realize when she's on your lap, kissing you languidly as you both work to remove the other's clothes.

Of course, you don't mean it in a negative way. You love Rita. You can't ask for more when she's been nothing but the perfect partner to you.

You think this because of how... prepared Rita always is for you. Her clothes are easy to remove, a condom in her pocket, and a pair of lacey lingerie hugging her figure beneath her everyday attire.

You push her gently onto the bed. Her hair is splayed beautifully on the sheets, as always. God, Rita looks ethereal. You'd ravish her and savor her taste for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if you could.

"Well? It's rude to keep a woman waiting." She teases.

Still, with the way her signature grin never falters, you can't help but wonder if it was really you in control all this time.

Keqing

╰┈➤ SFW ;

: ̗̀➛ You two did NOT have a positive first impression of each other. Mostly because you reminded Keqing of herself, and as a result, she ended up holding you to a higher standard. You thought she was bossy and hated you for no reason.

: ̗̀➛ It's only when you're forced to work together to organize this year's Lantern Rite that you see how much she cares for Liyue. Around the same time, Keqing also realizes how she's just pushing her expectations of herself onto you for stupid reasons and starts treating you better.

: ̗̀➛ By the end of everything, you're just so confused because like ??? why is she suddenly being so nice to you??? Not that you're complaining of course, but you definitely aren't used to it. You're more worried if anything. Did an adeptus curse her or something?

: ̗̀➛ Alas, after a few months of her being consistent, you don't think much of it anymore. Keqing realizes that you're actually a pretty chill guy and acknowledges her faults. She apologizes for letting her personal issues affect her job, too. Eventually, you gather the courage to ask her out and she accepts with her face as red as a tomato.

: ̗̀➛ You're both pretty bad at work life balance, but Keqing is way worse. You wonder how she's been surviving this long when the amount of jobs she's finished in the span of a few months is probably more than the amount of proper meals she's had in her whole life.

: ̗̀➛ You're both really into coffee, so trying out new blends together is your way of bonding. Maybe you'll even try brewing your own, if your free time allows it. Aside from the coffee itself, Keqing is also very fascinated by its history and the different methods people use to brew it. She thinks of it as an art, almost.

It's a beautiful day, and one more special than others.

You're going on a date with your girlfriend, Keqing. Some might say that it's not anything special with how long you've been together, but they have no idea how hard it is to arrange a date with your schedules.

The sun is shining perfectly bright, the air is cool, and the sky is the bluest you've seen it. Even nature agrees that Keqing needs to take a break and relax for once.

Judging by how enthusiastic and excited she's been about everything so far, you think you've been doing a good job with helping her unwind.

"Look, it's that new cafe!" Keqing remarks joyfully. She had been the one to help the owner take care of some contracts regarding the property, but this time, she's here as a customer.

Seeing the warm ambience and classy traditional decorations fill Keqing with a sense of pride. She helped in making the cafe a reality, after all. "Do you want to have lunch here?"

"Hm, but cafes are better during the early hours... Plus, there's also the issue of the supply chain of..." She mumbles, calculating as ever. That won't do, she's supposed to be relaxing.

You reach out and squeeze her cheeks lightly. You remember ruffling her hair once in a similar situation, and Keqing looked like she was ready to burn you alive for ruining what she spent half an hour to style..

"Don't overthink it too much," you say with a smile before Keqing can complain about your sudden gesture. "We can always go to that seafood place. How do golden shrimp balls sound? My treat."

╰┈➤ NSFW ;

: ̗̀➛ Keqing will NEVER bring up the topic of sex. Of course, if you ask her, she'll talk big about how she's "made some people cum within a few minutes," but she isn't fooling anyone.

: ̗̀➛ It's clear that Keqing is a virgin. Not because others don't find her attractive, (it's quite the opposite actually,) but because they're too intimidated to approach her. A few of them tried to make a move, but Keqing either completely misread their intentions or shut them down immediately.

: ̗̀➛ Not to say that she isn't familiar with the concept of sex, though. Keqing isn't a kid anymore, but her knowledge only extends to what-goes-where and using protection. She does have some experience masturbating, but it's more of a way to de-stress rather than to pleasure herself.

: ̗̀➛ Overall, Keqing would be very shy and tsundere when it comes to the real thing, but she trusts you dearly and knows that she'll be in safe hands.

: ̗̀➛ She'll definitely become more daring and bratty as time goes on though, but don't take it personally. She's only rcting that way because she's become way more comfortable with you.

"Keqing," you call out, power walking to reach the woman in front of you. She won't even wait for you to catch up. Today marks the third day of Keqing ignoring you, even though you have no idea why.

She eats with you, but she gets up and leaves as soon as she's done with her food. She sleeps in the same bed, but she couldn't have felt more distant. To be frank, it's driving you insane how Keqing acts as if you're invisible.

But you know that you're her weakness. If there's one person in Teyvat that she'll listen to, it's you. You can feel Keqing's body heating up as you hug her from behind, telling her just how much you've been missing her. You plan on expressing that through your actions as well.

A few well chosen words and lingering touches, and Keqing is on your bed again. This time, though, she's actually talking to you as your tongue works to eat her out. Ironic.

"I'm sorry-" she gasps as the wet muscle dives even deeper into her folds. "I didn't mean to- ah!" You continue to lap at her fervently, prying her thighs apart as she instinctively tries to close them.

"I felt jealous, and I shouldn't have- nh..." Keqing moans, hand tugging gently on your scalp. "Shouldn't have blamed you for it..." She admits, voice trailing off from shame.

"You're the most beautiful and kind woman in Teyvat. How could I want someone else?" You detach yourself from her dripping cunt, and just before Keqing can complain, you flip her over and make her face the mirror.

"Eyes on me. I'll show you just how much I love you."

[spicerackofblorbos]

Chapter 3: January

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! I'm so proud of myself for getting this out before the end of January hehe. I hope you enjoy!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~7.5k

January, you thought, had to be one of the most depressing months out of the twelve. It’s cold, dreary, and full of post-holiday blues. The gloom that came with those blues was only intensified by the immediate and prominent holiday of “Remembrance Day”, a cultural holiday created to celebrate and mourn those who have long passed.  

‘I don’t know why we can’t just stay home and celebrate privately like we usually do. It might be crowded.’ You sign outwardly to your sister as she drives, making sure to go slow so she can see through intermittent glances. You stare out ahead as the snowy landscape zooms past. The late afternoon sun glints off the fresh snow, blinding you as the light refracts off the crystals.  

When you were younger, this annual holiday was something you used to ignore. Even at a young age, you were aware of the situation you were forced into. You lost everything and then were thrust right into the foster care system, tossed in with families who didn’t want you. You had to do it all alone and because of that, you never learned how to grieve properly. It wasn’t until Hange’s family, your family, took you in that you were taught how to deal with your past and the residual effects that came with it.  

Hange tuts at you as they turn a sharp corner.  

“Hey, you’re the one who said you’d be okay with it this year. And besides, maybe this town is full of early morning mourners. The temple could be all ours.” They speculate aloud, wiggling their eyebrows at you. It just prompts a signature eyeroll, and you stare back out the window. The residential homes turn into office buildings as the two of you make it closer to the designated temple in town. It’s not much longer until they turn down a gravel road, pebbles and snow crunching under the heavy wheels. 

Busy is an understatement. Due to the small nature of the town, only one temple exists, and it sits in the middle of the local cemetery.  When your sister pulls into a dirt parking lot, you notice the multitude of cars already vacant of people who are milling around the grounds. A bubble of anxiety threatens to rise in you, but you swallow it down. You and Hange step out of the car and are met with a brisk wind; It makes all the air in your lungs escape from shock. When you take deep breaths to calm your heart down, puffs of hot steam billow out from your mouth. Hange locks the car behind them and turns to you with their hand out.  

“Well, c’mon, my little berry. Those votives aren’t going to light themselves.”  

You take her hand without hesitation and you both set forth up the hill. You are at a loss for words because of how stunning your surroundings are. Leafless trees remain stoic and strong under a layer of snow. They pepper around the ample lot, giving off shadows of tree branches everywhere. Up a dirt path rests a sizable temple with a dark blue exterior and a wrapping porch around the building that offer various access points to the inside. On the edges of the dirt path lie smaller stone paths leading to rows and columns of personal gravesites for the residents of Jinae. The winter sun beams down between fluffy clouds, warming up the air as the day goes on. It was melancholic in a way that fit the day of Remembrance perfectly.   

Fortunately for you, most of the crowd was at their family stones, so the trek up to the temple took little to no time at all. This is where the designated altar is set for those who wish to pay their respects but had no tombstone to do so at. It’s the first time since your teen years that you've prayed outside of your home. When the Zoë’s took you in, they explained many of the traditions to you that you were in the dark about due to your lackluster upbringing. Remembrance Day was one of those and on paper it sounded great, until they took you out to the temple the following January and you had flipped out from the candles. You were a little better about it nowadays, but you requested shrines at home with electronic votives from then on.   

After stepping through the open doorway, you note only a handful of people lingering at the altar, lighting green candles and bowing their heads in prayer. You avert your gaze quickly from the bright flames, looking anywhere else. It was relatively quiet, bar for a few whispers here and there. You and Hange step in line behind an older couple, who are now turning towards you to leave. Tears streak down their faces as they head in the direction of the doors behind you. You bow to them in respect, as they do to you in return. The two of you step up onto the ledge and Hange takes the match sticks from the table. She gingerly holds out a stick for you to take as she regards you carefully. 

“Did you want to try it this year?” They grab your hand with theirs, looking into your eyes closely. 

You take a deep breath and raise your hand as if to take it, but it falters. Something sears in the back of your mind. Letting your hand flop to the side, you shake your head and sigh heavily. She just gives you a soft smile and squeezes your hand in reassurance. 

“That’s okay, Love. I’ll take care of it for you. Just close your eyes and think of them.”  

So, you do and reminisce about your lost family. There were so many memories you were still unable to recover from all those years ago. So, you opt to think of your parents' soft smiles and gentle hugs. Of an older brother that you think had a mischievous grin. You focus on the overall warmth you associated with them, feeling that warmth curl into your toes. You hear your sister strike the match and then she blows it out just as quickly. You were never saddened by these thoughts, even in your younger years. Hange often wondered if this was due to a detachment of your own making. You open your eyes after a moment and flinch back from the sight of the votive right in front you, flames flickering. 

“Let’s get going.” Hange hadn’t let go of your hand this whole time and she uses that to pull you away quickly out of the side door. Even though it’s cold, you feel miles better outside and you let loose a breath as if you had held it in the whole time. You wonder when you’ll be able to withstand being so close to fire again; you think maybe you never will. A sudden flash of black hair whipping around the corner of the temple catches your eye and you whip your head around to stare at the now empty space.  

“Is something wrong?” Hange squeezes your hand again, and you turn back to look at them to shake your head ‘no’. Some part of you hope it was him. You haven’t seen Levi since the whole debacle at the gala last month. He never made any attempt to reach out to you. Truthfully, you didn’t expect that from him anyways, but it irritated you to no end at the time. Your sister had pushed you to go to the café at least once to just say ‘hi’ because they could see how much it bothered you, however you refused to budge.   

“Then let’s go sight-seeing. I want to see how the people of Jinae celebrate their loved ones before heading out.” The two of you head back down the hill, the cold wind biting at your nose. At some point, Hange turns down a nearly empty path. The stones ahead were covered with a wide assortment of flowers in various colors. People had also put offerings of their loved one's favorite foods out at the base of the stones. It makes you smile at how loved these people are even past their time.  

Hange leads you around for half an hour, taking in the sights of the different offerings and gifts laid about. She points and grins as she mumbles things to you, but you’re not really paying her ramblings any mind. You find that nodding in response was enough to get them to turn back around and jaunt off somewhere else. Another fifteen minutes later, and their rumbling stomach is so loud you can’t help but laugh. You now realize why she’s staring so heavily at a plate of cold dumplings left on a headstone. You reach for her shirt and tug on it to get her attention. 

“What’s up?” They twirl around on you with worry. 

‘Want to go get some dinner?’  

“We probably should, shouldn’t we. Sorry, I’ve just been so engrossed in all of these displays!” She points to one right next to you. It’s littered with quite a few child’s drawings taped to the stone. A plate of cookies sat at the base of it with a steaming cup of coffee right next to it. The family must have just been here. When you look back up to meet Hange’s gaze, she’s staring at something behind you with an amused expression.  

You turn to see what she’s gawking at, and you spot a familiar raven-haired man. He’s standing next to a not-so-familiar messy blonde-haired man around the same age that is currently kneeling on the ground as he places a plate of something on the stone in front of him. The one standing darts his eyes in your direction and there’s no mistaking it; It’s Levi. Panicking, you whirl your head back around to face Hange and she’s smirking. You attempt to step forward to pass your sister, but she just grips your arm firmly and starts tugging you in Levi’s direction.  

Oh no, oh no, oh no. 

You try your best to wiggle out of the grip but it’s of no use, she’s latched on to you. After a few more futile attempts, you give up with a huge huff. You don’t even turn around, you just let them drag you along.  

“Levi, what a pleasant surprise!” Hange yells out to him as they close the distance, you still in tow. 

When they stop abruptly, you almost bump into them. You avert your gaze as far away as possible and turn around slowly. A family of four passes by in silence on the path next to you, a little girl with pigtails flings around a stuffed rabbit as she trots along.  

“Tch, I don’t see how this is a surprise, Four-Eyes. The whole town is practically here.” You hear Levi’s gruff voice respond back. It makes your stomach flutter with anxiety, but you’re not sure if it’s a good or bad kind of anxiety. There’s a ringing silence that follows after, but you can’t be brought to look up. That is, until someone clears their throat. 

“Uh, hi! I’m Furlan, Levi’s friend! It’s nice to meet you...?” He trails off. The voice is boyish and playful, and very different from the man next to him. You glance up to the source and the dirty-blonde haired man is looking between your sister and you with gray eyes. Not as deep and metallic as Levi’s though, they were much softer and lighter.  

“Hi! I’m Hange Zoë, and this is my sister!” She lets go of you to throw her arms around you as she squishes your face with hers. You feel warmth creep through your whole body from embarrassment and it makes you want to run away. “She’s hearing but she’s mute and speaks through sign language mainly. I’ll translate for you for the sake of brevity, though. Unless you already know it?” Your sister releases you to meet Furlan’s outstretched hand with hers and shakes it vigorously. The man laughs, and it’s a light airy sound.  

“I don't unfortunately. But it’s nice to meet you both!” He waves to you with a wide grin, and you give a small wave back. Furlan continues, “I see you know Levi.” You chance a look at Levi and he’s staring straight at you. Your eyes shoot back to his friend.  

“Well, ‘know’ is an understatement. He’s not very forthcoming about his life unlike his roommate. Uh, Erwin and I became close after a very unfortunate relationship mishap.” Your sister chuckles at her dark joke.  

“Ah! I thought I recognized your name! Erwin mentions you in passing a lot. And, well, that’s Levi for you. I had a hard time getting to know him when we first met.”  

“You idiots know I’m here, right? And that’s because you were trying to beat me up, asshole.” Levi’s terse tone cuts in, shooting daggers at his friend. Furlan just laughs again, loudly, and raises his hands in defense. Hange nudges you gently with her elbow and you glare at her, but the look in her eyes makes you nervous.  

Winking at you, she grabs her phone and yells, “Oh jeez, hold on a second. Someone from the lab is calling, it must be about last night's reports.” and starts to walk away. You hold on to her hand for dear life with your mouth wide open in protest, but she pulls away with a flourish. “I’ll just be a moment!” And then she’s gone.  

You stare down at your empty hand and then back up to the two men in front of you, pressing your lips into a thin line as you clench your jaw. ‘Fuck.’ you think to yourself. Tapping your foot impatiently, you also fold your arms across your chest. You keep your gaze averted from them, but you still feel Levi’s stare aimed directly at you. Finally, Furlan clears his throat again.  

“Did you two kill each other’s cats or something? Jeez.” Levi clicks his tongue at the same time as you roll your eyes.  

“Sure, if that’s what you want to think.” Levi retorts dryly. A heavy huff escapes your mouth as you fiddle with your jacket sleeve, foot tapping even faster. Another silence. Furlan examines your face closely and looks back at Levi in thought. If you were looking at him, you would have noticed a lightbulb go off in his head. 

“Wait wait wait! Is this the girl you were talking about a while back?” That makes your eyes fly to Furlan’s and you can’t keep the shock from filling your face. He talked about me?  

Without even waiting for an answer, he states, “So I heard you like colors.” You feel a blush start to seep up into your cheeks and you look away again, shrugging. Levi kicks Furlan in the shins and he doesn’t even react in pain.  

 “Wow, it’s super nice to meet you then. This guy would not stop talking about you aft-” Levi kicks Furlan in his other shin and it must have hurt this time because he winces.  

“Furlan, shut up.” Levi scolds. 

“Is that an order?” Furlan smirks as he leans down to rub the now sore spot. 

You’re not even listening to their bickering; your mind was going a million miles a minute. Levi had talked about you to other people. Were they good or bad things? And why did he have to mention your issues with picking a favorite color? You chide yourself for being willingly open about such silly things with Levi after just meeting him. You reach for your phone so you can say something but then are cut off by Hange coming up from behind you noisily. 

“Sorry about that! What are we talking about?” Hange rests her chin on your shoulder and stares at the two friends.  

“It’s nothing, we were just about to go.” Levi replies coolly as he starts to turn away to leave. He must still be mad at you, you think. Irritation itches at your skull again, but something in your heart aches. 

“Wait! ‘We’? Where’s Erwin? It’s weird to see you without him, Levi.”   

“Oh, he’s currently back at their apartment cooking dinner for us. He came out to show his respects early this morning.” Furlan cuts in before Levi can say anything. 

“Sounds great, we’re in.” You stare at your sister in horror before shoving your hands in their face. 

‘No, we’re not!’   

“Oh uh, I don’t know if Erwin...” Furlan trails off as Hange just chuckles and waves her hand dismissively. Then she pulls out her phone to check something before shoving it right back into her coat pocket.  

“Erwin doesn’t mind, he said so.”  

‘We are not going!’ You’re practically flinging your hands at her face, but she just gives you her puppy-dog stare. 

“But I’m so hungry! And he’s fine with it. Plus, a homecooked meal! It’s so much better than fast food!” Hange whines. 

‘I know what you’re doing, and it’s not going to work.’ Her face pouts even more, which you didn’t think was even possible. ‘You’re the worst. Fine!’ You stick your tongue out at her as you stomp your foot for good measure and her whole face lights up in response. 

“Well, I’m not fine with it.” Levi shoots back, eyes narrowed at the two of you.  

“Oh, c’mon Levi. Miche’s already going and Erwin said it’s fine. The more the merrier.” Furlan grabs Levi’s arm to keep him from leaving. Your sister whips her head to stare at Furlan in surprise. 

“Miche’s going?! What the hell, and Erwin didn’t even invite me!?” She yells. 

“Tch, fine, do whatever you want. I don’t care. Furlan, we have one more stop, let’s go.” Levi stomps off in the opposite direction, leaving the atmosphere 10 degrees colder.   

“We’ll meet you there. We have one more grave to look at but then we’ll be on our way.” Furlan nods to the two of you and gives you a warm smile before darting off after Levi. You exhale a big breath and round on Hange, not even sure what to say. There’s a mischievous glimmer to her eye and you regret leaving the house at all.  

When Levi and Furlan are out of earshot, Furlan knocks his shoulders in Levi’s and smirks.  

“Isabel would have liked her, don’t you think?”  

Levi says nothing back, but he can’t help but agree. It’s been 10 years, but his chest still tightens at the thought of Isabel. He pulls out the bag that had sat tucked into his jacket pocket, holding the slice of vanilla cake he made for his fallen friend. 

.

Erwin and Levi’s apartment is immaculate. Years of cleaning after Hange had given you the confidence to say you were a tidy person. But after seeing their apartment, you felt like an amateur at best. Even the air felt fresh, albeit it was filled with the smells of cooking dishes. Light tones filled the whole room, broken by the occasional pop of color. There was plenty of white as well, so you know Levi had a lot to say when it came to decorating the place.  

“Wow Erwin, your place is so clean!” Hange mutters as she pads around the whole living room. Erwin and his friend Miche were both in the kitchen working over separate pots. Miche was a very strange man, much stranger than Levi for sure. The second you stepped into the apartment, he took a huge whiff of you and grunted. Hange and Erwin chuckled and reassured you that it was normal, but you were still freaked out. If Miche had a problem with your smell, he didn’t say so. 

“You can thank Levi for that, mostly. He likes to clean.” Erwin calls out. You knew that of course, thinking back to that fateful night at the bar.  

You decided to make yourself at home, curling up at the end of their 3-person couch. Pinks and oranges begin to filter into the room as the sun starts to set. You stare out of their balcony door that overlooks part of the downtown area. They were so close to their café, and you wonder if they had chosen the café location just because of that. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t invite me tonight, Erwin!” Hange whines as she leans over the island to see what Erwin was working on. He swats at her to back up and she does so with her glasses fogged up from the steam. 

“I already told you. I invited you a couple weeks ago, but it seems to me you weren’t listening to me then. I think you were going off about some lab report that frustrated you.”  

“Oh yeah. Okay that’s totally fair and on me. You should have reminded me at least!”  

Miche comes over to you with a small plate of some raw vegetables for you to snack on. You take it while smiling at him gratefully, and he just nods before heading back into the kitchen. He had already known you weren’t verbal before you walked in the door, you guess Erwin had told him. Apparently Miche and Erwin were friends for a long time before Levi came into the picture. Just by watching them in the kitchen, you can tell that they worked very well together without having to say a word. 

After gingerly placing your empty plate down on the coffee table in front of you, you stand, stretching your limbs with a big yawn. If you sat for any longer on that soft sofa, you figured you might fall asleep. So, you shuffle your way towards the kitchen, making sure to pick up your plate as you do. Miche takes it from you without saying a word and you wonder if he had a hard time speaking growing up or if it was a conscious decision not to say much. Regardless, you sign a quick thanks then turn to Erwin, who was in the process of mincing some sort of herb.  

‘Where is your bathroom?’  

“Down the hall, it’s the door at the very end.” He slaps Hange’s hand as she’s reaching for a dinner roll over the counter. You smack her in the head on your way past and she just blows a raspberry at you.  

You take your time going down the hallway because your eyes are distracted by various photographs framed on the walls. There weren’t any family photos of either of the two, but plenty of random friends throughout the years. There were a couple of Erwin when he was younger, maybe in grade school, with a few friends hanging around him. You think you spot a young Miche with him in one of the photos.

That must mean they’ve been good friends for more than 15 or so years. There’s another picture frame of Erwin and Levi in graduation gowns holding up diplomas, college you think. Erwin has a huge grin showing off his pearly whites and his arm is propped up, leaning on a short-statured Levi. Levi’s not even looking at the camera, electing to look off to the side with a scowl stuck to his face. That checks out, you think to yourself.  

You look closely at the one at the very end of the hallway and you notice it’s another photo of Levi. It’s a picture of him and two other people, Furlan being one of them. They’re all pretty young looking in this, but the girl in the middle who had her arms wrapped around the other two looked even younger. She has the brightest, widest green eyes you’ve ever seen. Her red hair is choppy and pulled into low pigtails and a large grin plasters her face. Furlan’s to her left, and he’s looking over to the other two contentedly. Levi is on her right and he’s looking away like he always does, but an actual small smile seemed to pull at the corners of his lips. You also note that this was before whatever accident fell upon him as his scars were missing. They look very happy.  

“That’s our friend, Isabel.” Someone mutters softly next to you. You squeak as you jump back, punching into the space where the voice came from. Something catches your fist before it makes an impact. Turning, you see it’s Furlan, holding up your fist in his hand. Panicking, you pull your arm back out of his grip and step back. He stifles a laugh. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just needed to use the bathroom but saw you standing here staring at the wall.” Furlan rubs the back of his neck and glances up at the picture, a wistful smile appearing on his face. Wording a voiceless apology with your lips, you back up into the wall so he can scoot past you to the bathroom. He thanks you before slipping into the room and clicking the door behind him. You take a deep breath and head back to the kitchen, your trip to the bathroom forgotten.  

When you emerge from the hallway, the sounds of clinking glasses and heavy plates can be heard from the dining room. Not really sure where to sit, you go to stand by the table as Erwin and Hange set it. Miche comes over to place a bowl of the dinner rolls that your sister was eyeballing earlier, and he points to one of the chairs against the wall for you. Again, he seemingly knew what you were thinking. At this point, you’re convinced that he knows how to read minds.   

You plop yourself down as your sister does the same next to you. She starts pouring wine into the glasses around the table, save for your own; she hands you a soda can and you bump her shoulder with a smile. Furlan comes back from the bathroom just as Erwin and Miche take their seats. Steaming plates of delicious foods consisting of a spiced chicken dish, baked asparagus, smashed potatoes, and sweet carrots lay around just waiting to be served.  

‘You really know how to serve a feast.’ You sign to Erwin with a wide smile. 

“Well, it’s not all just me. Miche makes a great sous chef.” He jokes. 

“Hey, where’d the grump run off to?” Hange inquires as they take a sip of their white wine. 

“The grump is right here, tch.” a voice cuts in.  

Glancing up, you see Levi drying his head with a towel as he makes his way to the table, water droplets falling from his hair down onto the gray long sleeve he had on. After folding the wet towel and placing it on a table behind the couch, he pulls the chair out across from you and sits down with a small huff. You both lock eyes for a second before looking away.  

“What are we waiting for? I’m dying over here!” Hange starts plating up without waiting for a response. She starts to help you too, but you just grab the serving utensils from her hands and huff at her. She playfully slaps your arm but starts digging in. Erwin had thrown on some background music before sitting down, so soft jazz reverberated off the walls mixing in with the bustle of plates being filled.  

“So, Hange, what do you do?” Furlan pipes up after a few minutes, tearing a roll up with his fingers.  

“I work at Titan Labs, head researcher and what not. I’m working on ways to create zombies!” She cackles and takes another spoonful of her potatoes. The look on Furlan’s face was priceless and he stared at Levi and Erwin for confirmation.  

“They’re just kidding, Furlan. They work with curing viruses, at least that’s what I’m told. Hange you can’t just go around saying stuff like that.” Erwin scolds and Hange just grins. 

“Oh uh. Okay. I guess that’s a little better.”  

‘My sister can be a little overzealous and crazy sometimes.’ You sign to Furlan and Hange just grabs her heart dramatically.  

“Pft, I’m not that crazy.” That's all she says before diving back into her chicken, paying the rest of you no mind.  

“There’s nothing wrong with crazy. Just try not to get us killed, okay?” He laughs a little and winks at you. Feeling your face flush, you let your eyes roam over to Levi’s. His gaze flickers to yours briefly, but he just takes a swig of his wine and peers out the window. The evening sky was clear, and the stars had started to come out.  

The rest of the meal was filled with mindless chatter that you observed happily. Erwin and Miche had roped Hange into some sort of debate, so them translating for you was a little difficult. Luckily, Furlan understood and was fine being the only one talking as Levi just ate in silence. You listen intently but your mind wandered to Levi occasionally, wondering what he was thinking as he delicately cut into his food. Furlan got to a point where he picked up on asking you yes or no questions for the sake of the language barrier and lack of interpreter. It was hard not to smile at his warmth, and you’re open to all of his questions easily. The flush on your face does not disappear the whole meal. 

With stuffed bellies and sleepy minds, everyone decides to leave the table and move into the living room to wind down. All except for Furlan, who had said he had an early shift the next morning and needed to leave before he ended up staying all night. Hange, Erwin, and Miche were murmuring together with intermittent laughs about something random. Levi just sat in a chair in the corner of the room scrolling on his phone and not paying any attention to his surroundings. That left you to juggle between staring at the TV and checking your phone every once in a while.  

A couple moments later, there’s a scratch of a chair against the floor as Levi gets up from his spot. He slips out of the balcony door with a blast of cold air before closing it shut behind him. You can see his puffs of hot air as he stands, leaning against the rail with his back to you.

As you’re staring, you feel someone tap your shoulder and when you turn to see the source of it, you’re surprised to find its Erwin. Crystal blue eyes stare back at you and then they flicker over to where Levi stood. He says nothing else and sits back down in his spot like nothing happened. Hange gives you a supportive wink and goes back to her conversation with the two men.  

Ugh.

You stand up and pull on your jacket that you had slung over the backside of the couch hours ago. Zipping it up, you take a deep breath before sliding the door open and forcing yourself into the cold. Levi does nothing to acknowledge you, he just stands stoically looking up at the stars. You tighten your jacket around you and stand awkwardly behind him, shifting from one foot to the other as you consider what to say.

As you feel the winter air nipping at your skin, you exhale softly and pull your phone out to type out a message. It takes you a few minutes of typing and deleting repeatedly, but Levi says and does nothing as he waits, hearing the clicks of the letters coming out of the speakers. 

‘I’m sorry. For exploding on you last month. I threw my anger at you when really, I was angry at myself. It wasn’t nice or warranted and I apologize.’ You shuffle up next to him and hand him your phone carefully. He takes it from your cold hands, his own brushing against yours and they’re surprisingly warm. You see his eyes slide over the words, face bright from the phone light in contrast with the dark night.   

He rolls his silver eyes and just scoffs. He doesn’t say anything, and you fidget with your phone. When it was clear he had nothing to say, you fight the urge to turn around and leave. You glance behind you and see Erwin and Miche doing a bad job pretending not to stare at you and Levi. Hange, on the other hand, gives you a big smile and a thumbs up. You swallow hard and type out another message.   

‘Are you mad at me still?’ 

“Still?” He stares up at you in confusion then slight guilt. “I- look, I was never mad at you. It’s just...” He runs his fingers through his hair to push it back, and you spot a few piercings climbing up his ear that you didn’t notice before. They glint off the full moon which sits high in the sky. He takes a deep breath and looks away from you.  

“Okay, I was a little mad at first. But I’m clearly not anymore.” He mumbles.  

‘Clearly.’  

“I know I can come off rude and cold but it’s just... Shit!” He grips the rail so hard that his knuckles turn white. “I’m not mad at you, and I haven’t been for a couple weeks. I just- I felt awkward after the whole thing and I didn’t know how to talk to you. Plus, you know, I thought you were mad at me. So. You have nothing to apologize for. And, here,” he grabs your phone that you loosely held and starts moving around apps, pressing random buttons as he goes.

Then he hands it back to you with a side eye, opting to stare back out to the moon as he spoke. “I don’t want to throw your phone off the balcony so from here on out, just directly text me and I’ll respond.”  

When you look down at your phone, your mouth opens slightly in awe. Your phone screen displays a newly made contact page for “Levi Ackerman”. So formal, you think. Clicking the message icon, you type out a little text to him with shaky hands. You’re not sure if it’s from the excitement or the cold. 

'Hi' 

You hear his phone ‘ping’ and he pulls it out of his back pocket.  

“We’re great with words, aren’t we.” he says with a smile playing on his lips.  

‘I’m glad you’re not mad at me. I’m still sorry for last month though.’  

“It’s fine, but thanks anyways.”  

Like a breath of fresh air, a comfortable silence falls on the two of you. You lean forward against the rail and stare down to the ground. Levi and Erwin’s apartment rests on the third floor so there was quite a drop. The yellow glow of streetlights reflected off the snow that was piled on the sides of the road. You shiver as a gust of wind blows through your hair, so you pull your hood up for extra warmth. Against your better judgement, you shoot him another text with something that’s been itching at you all night.  

‘Who’s Isabel?’ You watch him carefully.  

When he eyes the text, the small upturn to his lips disappears and he freezes for a moment. His hand grips his phone a little tighter as he sighs heavily. Exhausted. The circles under his eyes seemingly darker. He hangs his head down, giving you another side-eye between his raven locks as he starts speaking in almost a whisper.  

“She was one of my best friends. Well, Furlan and I’s. We all, uh, grew up together.” Levi swallows hard.  

‘What happened?’  

His body tenses up once more and you worry for a moment that he might get defensive, but he just grips the rail tightly in both hands again. 

“I used to ride motorcycles. I suppose you wouldn’t know that.” You shake your head at him, and he just purses his lips. “Yeah... well. Isabel had this annoying habit of wanting to go everywhere with us but she wouldn’t get her own license so she would ride on the back of Furlan and I’s bikes...” He shifts uncomfortably and leans forward over the rail, looking down at the ground.  

“Well one day, my uh, relative, was having complications at the hospital in town and I needed to get there fast. And of course, she wanted to tag along. I didn’t have time to fight with her, so I let her on with me. But...” You reach out to try and touch his arm in reassurance, but Levi jumps at the close proximity, and you pull back quickly. Mouthing a ‘sorry’, you shove your hands in your pockets. 

“You’re... fine. It’s fine.” He pushes off from the rail and folds his arms across his chest and stands up straight. “It was raining that day, and I was being careless. I was so caught up in where I was going, I didn’t take the time to be cautious of my surroundings. I don’t remember much but we ended up skidding off the road. I woke up in the hospital with this,” Levi raises the hand that was missing his index and middle finger and then he points to his scars. “And no Isabel.” 

You have no words. Even if you weren’t mute, you wouldn’t know what to say to him. You notice in the time that you’ve known him, you haven’t seen him ride before, nor have you even seen a bike in his vicinity. So that alone was a surprise. But another thought scratched at you. Something about his demeanor right now screamed guilt. Did he still blame himself for Isabel’s death?  

“I went to go celebrate her today with Furlan. She always had a thing for sweets.” He mumbles, looking a little more relaxed. He has a faraway look in his eyes.  

‘What was she like?’ His eyes shift to yours, now soft.  

“You remind me a lot of her, actually. Stubborn. Happy.” Levi huffs, but you could have sworn it was a little laugh. 

‘You’re pretty stubborn yourself, you know.’ He just rolls his eyes again at you but says nothing else. ‘I think it’s great that you’re celebrating her life. She sounds wonderful. Thank you for sharing that with me.’ You offer him a slight smile and his lips twitch at you in return. He puts one of his hands in his pocket, making sure to keep his phone out with the other as he spoke. 

“Who were you and Hange celebrating today? I saw you two at the temple earlier.”  

‘Are you creeping on us or something?’ You smirk at him teasingly and his already rosy cheeks turn a darker shade.  

“Tch, no. I just passed by, is all.”  

‘It’s okay Levi, I get it. We’re that fascinating lol. She was there for her grandparents.’ You fidget with your phone in between numb fingers. It was really starting to get cold, and you weren’t sure how much longer you’d be able to stay out on the patio. But you didn’t want to leave just yet. 

“So, you’re not celebrating anyone today?” His innocent question makes you pause. It was your turn to look away, staring at the twinkling stars above. You suddenly feel small, like the universe was too big for you. Biting your bottom lip, you start to type away.  

‘Yeah, I have. I lost my parents and brother when I was around six or so. I don’t remember much but there was a big fire, and I was the only survivor. I am not a big fan of fire now.’ Silence ensues for a few minutes as Levi digests what you texted him. Your hands mindlessly trace the scars that trailed up your left arm from that disastrous night. 

“I’m really sorry to hear about that.” He says, finally. 

‘Oh, it’s fine now. It was so long ago. Hange’s family took me in after 8 years in the foster system, and now I’m stuck with her.’ You give him a meek grin and point behind you. He’s watching your face carefully. 

“I’m sure there are worse families to be stuck with.” Levi jokes quietly.  

You have no idea, you think to yourself. The thought of the households you lived in prior to the Zoë’s makes you cringe a bit. Memories of being left behind, small cupboard-like rooms, and physically abusive foster parents swirl through your brain. You close your eyes tightly to try and push them away. You feel something warm holding your fidgeting hands still. Opening your eyes to see what it is, you’re met with Levi’s pale hands cupping yours into his own.  

“It’s been a very hard day for us, huh?” You don’t want to tell Levi that it’s not your family’s passing that’s upsetting you right now. You figure if it came up later, you would tell him then. You nod once, meeting his silver eyes with earnest. He releases his grip abruptly, your hand freezing from where he had left it. Another comfortable silence falls on the two of you and it warms you from the inside out. Knowing that he wasn’t actually mad at you filled you with immense relief and you were glad that the confrontation was over. Or so you thought. 

“So Furlan huh?” He playfully chides. You stare at him, incredulous.  

“What? He just seemed really into you. Do you feel the same?” There was a look in his eyes that confused you. You feel your face heat as you tap away at your phone screen. 

‘He was just being nice. I don’t know what you mean. There’s no way he could be interested in me.’ You watch his face anxiously, not certain why he was bringing up such a topic. You didn’t really feel comfortable talking about other boys with him just yet, whether it be because you still barely knew Levi or something else you couldn’t quite describe.  

“Tch, you don’t know.” He cocks an eyebrow at you but says nothing else. You just shake your head at him, at a loss for words of what to say next.  

Suddenly, there’s a knock at the sliding door and peeking through is a Hange with a wide grin.  

“Are you ready to go home, my little berry?” Their muffled voice penetrates through the glass pane. You give them a thumbs up and a small smile. They give you a thumbs up in return then spin around to Erwin and Miche who are now standing up, going back into a conversation. You glance back at Levi and find his dark eyes gazing at you. The moonlight hit his entire figure at an angle that made him look almost... otherworldly.  

.

A couple hours later, you’re lying on your side in your bed with fluffy sheets surrounding you. The clock reads late but you can’t sleep due to the giddiness from the buzzing of your phone. You stare at a message notification sent by one Levi Ackerman, and a smile playing on your lips. 

Thanks for confiding in me. I don’t mind learning more about you, if you want. 

You had received the message a good 5 minutes ago, but you weren’t sure how to respond. For starters, you were extremely shocked to see that he was still awake at such an absurd time. But then again, so were you. You start typing but then delete it right after, going back and forth until finally you give up and just voice what you wanted to say.  

Sufficient with your response, you lock your phone and place it on the bedside table. You stare hard at the table, willing for something to come your way but nothing does. Maybe he fell asleep, you wonder. After a few minutes, you start to drift off with the thoughts of a curt man with silver, glowing eyes. 

Levi can’t help but chuckle at the three dots in the corner of his phone as you start typing but then change your mind. It had taken him forever to find what he wanted to say to you, but he never imagined your response to something seemingly so simple now could take you so long. In truth, he was surprised to see you open the message so quickly and at such a late time. Perhaps you struggled to sleep as well.  

As he waited, he couldn’t help but wonder what to make of you. There was something so intriguing about you that he just couldn’t quite reach, and honestly it confused him even more. Something else bothered him as well as he recalled the haunted look in your eye after talking about your history. Were you holding something back?  

Finally, his phone pings and he scolds himself for how swift he was to pick it up. A simple message brings butterflies to his stomach and unknits his tight eyebrows. Whatever it was that you had kept to yourself, he figures it didn’t matter. He would make it his goal to try and get to know you better.  

Ask away, I’m here for you. Goodnight, Levi.

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