#like i'm fucking STARVING god
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someone better at writing succession fanfiction than me please bust out a 100k one chapter fic with the title in all lowercase about the siblings grieving and healing together while frank plays the dad who stepped up role in their lives PLEASE i'm begging
#every fic in the tag currently is either melodramatic romangerri (i ship i have complicated feelings about)#or the world's worst written tomgreg yaoi where they make shiv the shrill bitch villain wife that gets in the way of true love1!1!!! and is#a huge fucking mean bitch to poor ol' tommy!11!#like i'm fucking STARVING god#dear diary
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the evening bus at my college keeps not showing up so i have to walk through the woods and also past the singlular vending machine that sells coca cola. ive decided every time my bus doesn't show up and i have to walk home im going to reblog this to show how incompetent my school is <3
#The bus schedule was FINE last year idk WHY it just is dogshit rn#the morning bus is CONSISTENTLY late. Every Time#I do not understand. What the fuck are you guys doing#they have a bus tracker app BUT I guess they must be short a bus or something??#because I keep getting alerts saying “oh bus 5 is this random blue bus that isn't on the app please refer to the bus schedule”#Oh you mean the bus schedule that they never follow consistently??#they will switch the blue bus around like. to bus 3 and 6 etc they change it up#anyways. God I'm so fucking annoyed#I don't mind walking but like dude c'mon sometimes I'm tired as hell and starving and I don't wanna walk through the pitch black woods#lilac post#bus post
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Thinking about Kim meeting Chay. Kim, who hasn't known affection, who hasn't been touched (aside from stylists and hairdressers and makeup artists) without violence or ulterior motives since the day his mother died, meeting a boy who touches him without any other reason than the fact that he wants to.
#crying in the club (my bed. into my pillow. it's 4am and i should be sleeping)#god kim makes me emotional#he's just. my heart physically hurts when i think about him#i just want to see kimchay actually make up and start dating again and i want to see them being domestic#and i want to see kim be happy#i want him to unlearn that touch = violence#god that boy (because he IS a boy. he's so damn young even if he doesn't act like it) must be so touch starved#sobbing about this right now#anyways goodnight i'm too emotional for this#kimchay#kim theerapanyakul#kimhan theerapanyakul#kimhan theerapanyakul my beloved#kinnporsche#tea's ramblings#this is what i get for watching kimchay edits before bed#most of them are so fucking sad i can't do this
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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idk how I'd ever pull myself through this shit without pills. gotta pop them when my ptsd starts to drive me insane. it's the only way I can truly escape my body
#i dont just need to get out of my mind. i need out of my BODY#if I'm aware im existing then im freaking out when I'm like this#dont want to hear my voice or see my scars or look at anything or think anything or EXIST#i want to be so high incant form a fucking thought properly#god i hate it when its like this#FUCK ALL OF THEM FOR DOING THIS TO ME#AND FUCK THEM FOR THINKING THEY HAD ANY RIGHT TO LAY THEIR FILTHY HANDS ON ME#NOW I CARRY THIS SHIT WITH ME EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY#I STARVE MYSELF I GET HIGH I CRUSH PILLS AND DO LINES AND I DRINK TIL MY VISION BLURS#AND ITS NEVER ENOUGH#i feel hands on my rn wnd i see the colors of everyone's eyes and I feel horrifying#grotesque bitch.. jesus#all i can do is hyper-focus on my body and my imperfections rn wnd its freaking me out#i cant.. fix this issue.. that im not gonna describe#all bc im so focused on these STUPID THINGS#i need OUT#a
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#supposed to put away my phone at night or whatever#but i can't sleep#the thoughts are too damn loud#im so lonely#I'm utterly surrounded by loved ones and people who care about me and I'm so fucking alone#what's wrong with me#why can't i just be happy#why can't i appreciate how much i have#why am i so fucking desperate for approval and validation#why do i need it so badly?#why the fuck am i like this#god my head hurts so bad#everything is in pain my body is on fire all the time#I'm trying so fucking hard#I'm trying#I swear I'm trying#but i want to give up so badly#it would be so much easier#Everything hurts#........everything hurts so much......#.....i just want to fall asleep in someone's arms#i. I-im so desperately touch starved#i didn't know it could get this bad#i always have been but it's never been. *this* bad#hhhhhh#......f-fuck......#.......im sorry....#i don't know what for i don't know who I'm apologizing to#....but i#.....ii-im sorry
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platonic pining feels so damn weird
#➳ the fool speaks#like ohhhh look at meeeeee wanting to be friends w somebun sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo badly that it's kinda making me look stupid#i've never rlly felt this way . like any pining i've experienced . was romantic . but this#i think it's worse because i have the mindset (of which i am trying to get rid of) that romantic love > platonic love and therefore it's#like . ohh . look at uu . being all EMBARRASSING . over what . wanting somebun to be uur friend . over wanting to be close with someone#in a way that DOESN'T include mashing uur faces together to make out passionately ??????? lmao what the fuck#AND ISN'T FRIENDSHIP EASIER TO . MAKE HAPPEN IDK . THAN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS ?????? i don't think i'm supposed to be thinking abt it THIS#much like . isn't it sooo easy to make friends. isn't it . aha . but here i am barely able to hold a convo but ig i'm just Like That eueueu#this is so WEIRD n uu can't rlly force such a strong platonic connection like . that isn't how that works that isn't how any relationship#works but like . it's like . EUHFHUIDHUFJBHSHDH ????????????????? i am SUFFERING oh my GOD what the HELL#it's so . like a crush . but it isn't . so my hyperro brain is CONFUSED and my lonely ass is STARVING for any kind of closeness this is so#WEIRD TO BE DEALING WITHHHHHHHH#god and how long have i been feeling like this#on and off for a few months#that might be longer than most crushes i've had too ? wow . what the ufck is this what is happening i am so confused i feel so WEIRD#unholy screeching ensues
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The fucking disconnect is so real.
#theo's thoughts#Story time for the people who love reading tags bc I love sharing things in the tags#So I work at a therapeutic day school and this past school year like four school days before Thanksgiving break I was asked a question#The question was if I would be willing to step up and be a long term sub in a middle school classroom#To me this was less of a question and more of a hey we need someone to do this and you're who the assistant teacher asked for#Which cool yeah fine I'll give it a go I really like that person (the assistant teacher who asked for me) and I trust her judgement on this#I was asked and accepted on Thursday. Friday‚ Monday‚ and Tuesday happen. Then three day Thanksgiving break#When we got back from break I was the teacher and it was rough at first and it sure as hell was never easy but I enjoyed it#My formal teacher observation was my boss basically going like so I see you doing all the things and the basis is there#But it's not being followed through on because of behaviors from the most unmedicated classroom I've seen in all my years working education#And now for the summer they're changing 2/3 staff that were in the room and who even knows who the teacher will be (a new hire? Maybe?)#If there truly is a new hire coming in (fed to the wolves immediately btw what a dick move) but that new hire will be the fourth teacher#These kids have had in a year? A year and a half max. The fourth. After the only thing I've been repeatedly told by admin for months#Is that we need to be stable and consistent because we may be these kids' only reliable source of that consistency and stability?#So you're going to have me come in and tell me I've done such a great job and then tell me you're moving me to 'give me a break'#Trauma informed care my fucking ass. I hope those kids raise fucking hell over it.#The brutal satisfaction of watching your own crops burn and knowing that the invaders will starve is great and all but these are kids!#They're barely just about to be teenagers (11 at the youngest and 14 at the oldest) and this is what you're going to do to them?#Yes they can be complete assholes and are often dicks to one another but they're in our school for a fucking reason? I don't get it.#Then two hours later after being told abt the change‚ the clinical director puts me as one of the three main recipients in an email#Saying that there's going to be a new student starting in that room in the summer and the real icing on the cake?#This all happens on last day before summer break. we're out of session for two weeks now and you're just dropping these changes on us now?#God I'm so fucking tired
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Hiii i saw ur digimon vtamer art and ate thst as if it was water in the desert and wanted to check yout art and saw u also did a bit of arta about the 2020 reboot and im sorry taichi MIASMAFIED??? So i started watchijg it and HUH??? THEY DID THAT TO HIM??? and then hes??? Fine??? Apparently?? And i stopped watching cause boi they never stop getting into situations™ and i got overwhelmed so anyways love your art overall keep the good work your miasma taichi will haunt me from now on 👍
auhdskfjgh oh no you watched 2020 cause of me??? i'm so sorry sdkfgbkj. like listen as someone who absolutely adores digimon and pretty much every digimon property. i do not think 2020 is very good skdjfgb. it's the only digimon anime where i've had to skip episodes because they were just so boring. which drives me all the more insane because, as a whole, i think 2020 sucks, but there's just a smattering of things that are SO FUCKING COOL!!! LIKE TAI GETTING FUCKED UP BY THE MIASMA!! and then they just do NOTHING with that ever again!! I'M STILL SO UPSET OVER THAT AUGH. and it's so pretty too!!! augh. hell.
anyways tho. i'm glad you liked my v-tamer stuff! i really wish there was more fanbase for v-tamer sdkfgb. as a special treat i'll give you these old (2019... ouch sdfjbgk) post story doodles i never posted appearantly dsfkjbj
#art from back when i used antialiasing good god sdkjfgb#also the sidelining for everyone but tai is sooo much worse in 2020#never forgiving them for turning joe into just comic relief wimp#digimon v-tamer#normally i wouldn't post such old art but i know how starving the v-tamer fandom is skdgbkj#answers#art#digimon#fanart#ngl tho. all that bitching abt dgmn 2020 and i'm still sitting here like. damn mb i should go rewatch the miasma tai bits#like fuck 2020 isn't good but damn if that specific part of it isn't exactly my jam#also as much as it's bad i almost want them to do the exact same treatment for 02#if only because my bf prefers 02 over og and i kinda want him to suffer in hell with me#belendigievolutionandhermuses
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can my food just arrive on time 😭
#i need to eat but i don't have food!!!#like oh my god. i can't even check anything to see what's up either#i'm fucking starving i've been ill all day and couldn't eat much earlier#resorted to eating some cheeze its while i wait for a reasonable time to report my order as late to at least get a refund and see if#ordering from somewhere else will have better luck.#addendum: guy says he delivered it but i checked all the doors and it's not here like#oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD#i'm getting hangry ffs it's not that hard 😭😭#rambling
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I know I shouldn't wish death on people but people who post shit in positive tags should die one thousand deaths by hammers.
#i fucking hate when i go into the ed recovery tag and the population there are just pro-ana girlies encouraging eds#like bitch this is the opposite of what i try to do and honestly I'm starting to suspect that my friend was right when he said they're#well-aware and are doing it on purpose because they don't want anyone else to recover ever.#and then i go into the body positivity tag and hey guess what cunts are there. cunts posting shit about bodies#like ok you pieces of shit guess I'll just starve myself to death and die then since that's clearly what everyone here wants#god just fuck this shit man
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Trying to get comfy enough to write because if I don't write something, even if it's something that's Just For Me And Me Alone soon, I'm going to actually implode into 600 little pieces
#Ainsley.txt#I feel Unwell from how long it's been!!!! Clawing into the word document#I technically did some planning on something the other night but like. Nothing big.#V happy for my husband tho/V glad; he wrote smthn the other night and it fucking slapped to hell and back#And it was Such a good read too. Augh. Implodes /posi there.#My husband throws out banger after banger tbh#But for me and my own I Haven't Been Able To Create In A Minute brain? Oh No .#I Need To Write.#It's a Hunger and a need and my god at this point I'm starving
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living with people who Walk Extremely Fast while needing time alone in the shared house spaces to do your basic selfcare/starting-the-day routines + having Trauma around being seen even fucking existing in shared spaces, including a long-ongoing and hefty dose of it from said people themselves, is a living hell actually. especially when they insist on constantly leaving doors wide open that would normally mitigate the house being a fucking panopticon and also give you like two seconds' warning that they're entering the space so you can brace yourself or leave. Hate
#moogletalks#me: starves myself for hours; takes my medication extremely late; and spends 90% of my time trapped in my bed with my health deteriorating#while waiting for people to Fucking Go Somewhere Else and Stay There for Like 20 Fucking Minutes Jesus Christ#me: finally either musters myself to tiptoe out and quietly go about my business because i thought they found somewhere else to be#or just fucking gives up and braces myself for sandpaper to my triggers + probably filling the Flip Out and Abuse Moogle meter a little more#housemates: GOD YOU'RE SO FUCKING LAZY RUDE AND SELFISH YOU JUST WANT TO HOG THE COMMON AREAS AND HAVE EVERY LITTLE THING HOW YOU WANT IT#YOU'RE COLD AND UNFRIENDLY AND ONLY WANT TO LIVE HERE LIKE A LEECH BECAUSE YOU STAY IN YOUR ROOM ALL THE TIME#BUT ALSO I HATE SEEING YOUR FACE AROUND AND YOU DON'T SPEND EVERY MOMENT I CAN SEE YOU ENTERTAINING ME OR BEING ''PRODUCTIVE''#[MULTI-HOUR SCREAMING MATCH AND THREATENING TO MAKE YOU HOMELESS BECAUSE YOU HAD THE UPPITYBITCH AUDACITY TO ASK ME TO TURN A LIGHT OFF WHEN#I LEAVE A ROOM OR MAKE A LIST OF CHORES OR STOP TURNING THE THERMOSTAT TWO DEGREES PAST WHAT YOU CAN TOLERATE]#it's like fucking clockwork and i'm sick of it and when the people involved walk like they're training for the fucking olympics#and constantly remove or invade every single way for you to avoid them the tiniest fucking bit#it makes things a hundred thousand times more stressful!!!!!!!#and i KNOW most of these people would be doing the exact same thing with my bedroom if it was even slightly more socially acceptable#they would be straight up taking the bathroom door off its hinges so they can repeatedly walk in and out while you're trying to take a shit#it is a hundred thousand fucking percent a control thing and i hate it i hate it go AWAY. GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY#abuse cw#ableism cw#venting cw#food insecurity cw#housing insecurity cw#traumatag#adventures in mental illness
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Another friendly reminder that Hamas only carried out oct7 to free the thousands of palestinians held hostage in Israeli prisons, and even though we've always had human rights organizations attest to the abuse taking place inside, we now have even more undeniable proof to the fact that those prisons are nothing more than torture facilities.
Do remember this did not start on October 6th/7th that was a retaliatory attack after 74 YEARS of genocide. this has absolutely been the deadliest year but it is not the first year of genocide or occupation by any means and that attack never would’ve happened if it weren’t for nearly a century of occupation and genocide
#people “all lives matter” ing the Palestinian genocide is fucking crazy#people are being vaporized#i saw beheaded and scalped and starved children#i saw children torn apart limp from limp#and people are still going “but won't you think of the Israelis 🥺”#no i will not and i have no patience for anyone who still does that crap#people like to act as if the government and the people are completely detached even though history proves that makes no sense#israelis for the most part see no problem with what's happening or they view it as a necessary evil#yeah i know they've been indoctrinated since birth to dehumanise palestinians but after a full year worth of footage of brutalised children#there's no excuse you can't claim ignorance you can't claim that you didn't know#also why do people only bring up the mandatory military service law when it's convenient#why do they only bring it up if it would help make israelis seem uninvolved in this massacre?#why don't you want to acknowledge that this law means that every israeli over 18 had at some point been a part of the war machine#they either personally abused palestinians or they interacted directly with people who dif#did*#then after they were done with their service they went back to living there like it was nothing#because they didn't see a problem with what they did#if the majority of israelis were truly not in agreement with what's going on we'd see more of them choose to go to prison instead of serve#but we don't and you have to ask yourself why?#one year into a genocide without israel ever presenting one piece of tangible evidence to all the bs claims they made#and yet clowns are still uncritically repeating mass SA and decapitation lies#you know we have video footage of documented SA but no it doesn't come from hamas but the terrorist army of israel#you can only argue for what you can back up and Israel defenders have absolutely nothing but the same old buzzwords#truly pathetic#God I'm so fucking angry right now#free palestine
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i think a perfect microcosm of the phenomenon of "fanon aylin" is all these posts calling her an eight or nine foot tall giant woman when she's like idk 6'3
#like i feel like i finally understand what 'coomer' means#you're gross. it genuinely makes me so uncomfortable how people talk about her. like mad and disgusted in a way i'm rlly#struggling to describe just like. you're fuckin groooosssss. i hate you you're gross#maybe it's just the religion thing like something about everyone's willingness to buy in so fully to the concept that aasimar are like#Superior Beings like they're Better Than Us#but also aylobel isn't weird or creepy at all don't worry about it#like hmm. hmmmmmmmmm#no tags on this one i don't feel like dying today#but since i am shouting into the void#📣📣 I HATE AYLOBEL THEY'RE SO FUCKING BORING#god how so many people are into that ship is beyond me they are the most boring pairing ever#imagine writing a couple who apparently were in love at first sight but have literally no chemistry. couldn't be me#imagine writing a child of a god dating a worshipper of that god and not making it angsty or fraught at all. Could Not Be Me#they suck so hard. this game made me cry over lenore and yrre but made these big important characters this boring?#i have to assume they were/felt forced to make them super sterile because of homophobia or something#which is sad but like. hmm you could have been brave though you could have given them a crumb of backstory#you could have made them anything in the world but *love at first sight* like god my burning hatred for that is boundless#like does anyone actually like that trope i thought we all agreed it was boring as shit#are y'all really that starved for femslash that you'll eat any bullshit they put in front of you damn#because i'll say it again alfira and lakrissa are right there#and cuter and more interesting in every conceivable way. but that's all bisexuals— oop#tbd
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having the worst fucking week of my LIFE i can't do this anymore.
#4 days straight government events at my internship. thesis got fucking overhauled by our adviser.#because he's using us to compete with his colleagues at the office.#had to juggle those two (+ my event. ill get to that later) that i got SICK what the fuck.#had the event ive been planning for about two months earlier. the fucking uni's general services office were assholes and caused us major#delays#which led to us getting fucking RAINED on so we had to CANCEL it HALFWAY and all of my kids#work on the stage and venue design got soaked in the rain#on top of all of these.#when i got back home after half a day of thesis. half a day of org work. my mom tells me#that rini and woong got taken by their mom and she can't find them anywhere#their bitch of a mother that leaves them starving all day to fucking sunbathe!!!!#i was bawling for a good thirty minutes last night UGH im pretty sure she just took them to the back of the house somewhere.#my mom's gonna ask help from the neighborhood kids to look for them huhuhuhuhu.#id be fine with it if the mom takes care of them. i seriously never tried to bother them too much until this weekend because i thought the#mom has been taking care of them but she hasn't so i had to feed them myself and sHE TOOK THEM AWAY 😭😭😭😭.#god i'm having the worst time.#and now i have to clean the aftermath of this ti#week's hell before i can finally fucking relax in my room.#i hate it here.#at least i'm hot.#event costume was an emo tiefling with a nearly six foot tall axe.#wore it while commuting to uni!!! loved the stares that i got it was very validating!!!!!!!!!!#gonna add that since this week has been pure shit#the only things that i had looking forward to at the end of every day was seeing my cats and feeding them and id feel instantaneously better#but now they're not around!!!!!! so i'm extra fucking sad!!!! god i feel like sobbing again!!!!!#there were only two things that i asked from the lord today.#that it wouldn't rain. and that i'd get my cats back.#neither of those fucking happened!!!!!!!!!! my event was thrown to hell and i still miss my fucking cats!!!!!!!!!!!!
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