#like i’ve been sleeping my life away and nothing i’ve ever found makes it better

[fyodior]

rant lolz

[bratbby333]

i will possess your heart – satoru gojo

-this story contains very heavy nsfw content! please read at your own discretion!-

𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 content warnings dead dove fic- heavy stalking, violent obsession, manipulation, forced voyeurism, forced exhibition, drugging, mentions of blood, knives, use of restraints, plot twist, extreme dub-con 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 synopsis for as cocky as Satoru is, it’s oddly fitting. in his mind, everything belongs to him, including you. 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪 word count 8k

Satoru fumbled with a tripod as he positioned his camera onto the stand and proceeded to hit record. He was thorough, making sure his chair was perfectly centered before he sat down, staring at himself in the viewfinder while he fussed with his hair, inhaling deeply. A wide grin cut across his face before dropping back into lackluster neutrality. He looked down at his lap, his fingers ran up and down his denim-clad thighs. He snapped back onto the camera blank-faced before a deranged smile pulled at his cheeks.

Click

January 16th, 4:06 AM

I woke up drenched in the feeling of lethargy again—another night of only an hour’s worth of sleep. Nothing feels real when you hit a certain point. I’m plagued by the shadows, my entire life enshrouded in darkness. I don’t remember what things were like before. Day by day, it’s all the same. I cannot escape it—this anchoring feeling of despair. The emptiness eats away at me. I’m in search of release…of some sort of freedom from this pain. I need to fill my life with meaning, to find purpose in this accursed world…I think I’ll go out for coffee today. People watching brings me so much joy. They seem to live much happier lives than me.

Click

January 16th, 6:38 PM

My daydreams must’ve blended into reality because there was no way I created someone as beautiful as she was outside my imagination. I’m certain of it. She was sitting at the bar of the cafe down the street from my apartment, dressed in business casual—she probably works nearby. How kismet. The coffee was bland, as were most things in my life, but she awoke something in me. I hope I see her again. She somehow managed to clear the cobwebs around my heart. I think my life has finally found purpose. She is my driving force. I wonder what her name is.

Click

January 19th, 6:11 AM

Feeling well-rested today. Four hours of sleep is my new record. I plan to go to the coffee shop again. Back to the place where my eyes were first blessed with the mirage of her…where I first fell in love. I hope she’s there. People are so fun to observe when they don’t think they’re being watched…it’s simple psychology. The Hawthorne Effect. When humans notice they are under observation, they change. So inauthentic. But her? She never notices. She sits so obliviously, allowing me to take her in with ease. So good to me. She’s a breath of fresh air. I hope to work up the courage to speak to her soon. My heart soars at the mere thought of being in her presence once again. It’s so refreshing to feel something after all this time. I’ve been numb for so long, but she has set my heart on fire. She is everything to me, my sole purpose for existence.

Click

January 19th, 8:27 PM

I saw her again today. She didn’t see me. Just how I like it. She typed away on her computer like normal…she’s a hard worker, it seems. Driven and strong. And here I was thinking such beauty was a thing of legend. It's refreshing to have been proved wrong–that rarely happens. Oh, how I crave her. I know she’d make me feel whole again. She can save me from all this, I can feel it. 

Click

January 23rd, 5:13 AM

Only two hours of sleep tonight. But, for some reason, I feel better than ever… I normally do when I find a reason for living, again. It’s her…it must be because of her. She keeps me going; my muse, my inspiration. She’s worked wonders on me already and she doesn’t even know it, yet. I’m going to the cafe again today, I cannot wait to see her. Maybe today I will finally speak to her.

Click

January 23rd, 9:53 PM

She never showed up today…I wonder what’s going on. Maybe she had other things to do. It’s fine, really. I’m annoyed, honestly. I waited around all day. I’ll keep checking until I see her again. 

Click

January 28th, 7:06 PM

My sweet girl has gone missing. I haven’t seen her in quite some time now. This is just ridiculous. The woman I love…is she avoiding me? No, no that cannot be. 

Click

February 2nd, 8:31 AM

I haven’t slept well in days. I’ve been awake for twenty six hours now…my mind feels like it’s filled with static and yet, I feel sharper than ever. I’ve gone to the cafe every day. Still no sign of her. I’m slipping back into my old ways, the darkness is going to return any moment. I’ve begun to hear the laughter in the shadows again. They’re making fun of me, I just know it. I need her…oh, I need her so bad. How could she do this to me? Does she not know how much I suffer when she’s not around? If I don’t see her again soon, I will never recover.

Click

February 5th, 6:21 PM

I finally saw her again today. My heartrate spiked and I nearly leaped from my seat to kiss her, to hold her, sway her side to side in a deep hug. Instead, I slipped a tracker into her purse as I walked by her chair. I must know where she works, where she lives, and what she enjoys in her free time. She slipped away from me so easily…can’t let that happen again. I need to know every little thing about her. She is my one and only after all. It would be ridiculous to love someone so deeply and know nothing about them. She is too beautiful, I cannot let her wander around unsupervised. There are some crazy people out there—you never know what could happen. I can’t lose her. I must keep her safe. I will possess her heart. No one else can have her but me. 

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Satoru observed her for months, shadowing her all around town. He knew the woman’s routine like the back of his hand, before he ever learned her name. Sunday’s she went grocery shopping, Monday after work was her pilates class, every couple of Thursday’s she was at the nail salon, and Friday’s were seemingly payday–he picked up on her pattern of going out to nice restaurants every other week. Satoru eventually got an upper-level management position at a company that shared the office building with her job–he is incredibly intelligent and overqualified, after all; they would be foolish to not hire him. Now he could really keep an eye on her.

That was when he finally learned her name–the two of them taking the same elevator. She didn’t recognize him as the man who seemingly had the same routine as her–it’s one of the many reasons why Satoru loved her so much: her naivety. She looked into his eyes for the first time that day, her voice was soft and angelic, and the name that fell from her lips sent waves through Satoru’s body, the same name that would now be coupled with his gasping moans every evening as he stroked himself to the thought of her. 

With Satoru’s new job that brought him one step closer to her, he knew he could no longer watch her in the way he used to. His movements had to be more calculated, putting more distance between them than he normally would or hiding behind the deep tint of his car windows. If she saw his face too frequently, she surely would have caught on. Satoru smiled at the possibility of her never catching on…how she’d greet him with a smile and a friendly hug each time they “coincidentally” bumped into one another, giggling about their lives' odd synchronicities. Such a sweet girl. If only she knew.

He stopped into her job, a small gift bag hanging off his slender fingers, desperate to watch her eyes light up with the sweet gesture of an unexpected gift. He asked to see her, only to be informed by the receptionist that she had the day off.

It was no worry, he didn’t let that dull his excitement. “I’m a friend of hers, brought this in to surprise her. Do you mind showing me to her desk, I’ll just leave it there for her when she returns to work,” he said kindly. The lady working the front desk blushed under his piercing gaze and handsome features, nodding shyly and walking him to his lover’s designated area. 

Satoru thanked her, stepping into the cubicle to place his gift by her computer. His eyes glazed over her workspace. It was decorated with trinkets and family photos. He picked one up, his thumb tracing over her face. His pretty girl. That smile could bring about world peace; it definitely quieted the angered voices in his head. He scanned her desk, a moment of envy shooting through him at the thought of her dainty fingers dancing over the keyboard rather than tangling in his hair. He groaned internally, looking over his shoulder to ensure no one was around, before ducking down, rummaging through his beloved’s drawers. Stowed away in the bottom of the unit was a fuzzy, white cardigan. He brought the fabric to his nose, inhaling deeply, stifling the filthy moan that nearly echoed through the cubicle. He quickly tucked it into his jacket, took one last look around, and headed toward the exit. 

In the safety of his vehicle, Satoru whipped the clothing out from under his wing, bringing it to his face once more. He undid his belt buckle with haste, shoving his dress slacks halfway down his thighs before his large fist swaddled his cock with the fuzzy white cardigan. He nearly sobbed at the contact, the smell of his car filling with her beautifully floral perfume. He brought the free edge up to his nose, taking another whiff as his hand worked furiously against his shaft. He had never finished so quickly in his life, staggered whimpers and choked moans fell from his parted lips as fat ropes shot up onto his abs and chest. His cheeks were flustered a violent red as he wiped his sticky shame away with her top. After he came, then did his clarity, and Satoru’s body ached with the thought of how good it would feel to finally be sheathed within her sticky walls, rather than her soft clothing. I’ll be with you soon. Soon, my love. 

These feelings were getting unbearable. His overactive brain had him teetering on the edge of insanity. He needed more. His imagination was no longer enough to satiate the hunger that gnawed so deeply in his core, the distanced watching and hopeless longing for the love of his life created jagged rifts in his already damaged psyche. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take. A few deep breaths and the promise he made to himself to take action soon quelled his burning desire. But for how much longer could Satoru repress the demon that clawed through his body?

Satoru surveyed her while she ran to the bank, walked her dog, or took her car to the wash. But his most favorite place to watch her was from the bench just outside her bedroom window, engulfed in darkness. Pretty girl lived on the second floor, her silly little brain assumed she didn’t need curtains. She never saw him, but he always saw her. All of her. Drinking in the way her clothes were delicately removed from her pretty little frame, the way she turned and posed in the mirror–so good to him. How her skin glistened after she got out of the shower, the water droplets running along her body in the same way Satoru wanted to. 

He fell into a state of bliss, feeling spoiled by the show he was getting tonight. The lotion that she worked into her body, the beautiful set of lingerie that she dawned. His eyes buzzed around his sockets, elation flooding through him. Gorgeous, gorgeous girl. But his body went rigid and his jaw locked tight at the appearance of another man behind the love of his life. He sat upright, shoulders stiff and heart pounding in his ears at the thought of his sweet being in danger, he cursed himself for not being more aware of her surroundings on her behalf. But when his darling girl turned to the unknown man with a smile, greeting him with a gentle kiss with the lips that were supposed to be just for Satoru, his heart shattered into a million pieces. 

Oh, no. This just won’t do, my love. You are mine. 

Jealousy coursed through his veins while he looked into her room, rage balled in his fists as he watched a random man have her in the one way Satoru couldn’t. Not yet, at least. He must’ve been new in her life, judging by the way his nervous hands explored every part of her skin. Satoru laughed at this–he knew he could please his woman so much better. But betrayal nipped at the back of his neck; how could she do this to him? Had his loyalty fallen on unappreciative shoulders? No, that couldn’t be. Satoru knew she was better than that, he picked her for a reason, after all. She was just playing hard to get. 

You rejected my advances and desperate pleas, and now you throw your relationship in my face. It’s punishment enough that I can’t have you, but I won't let you let me down so easily.

Feeling at a loss, swallowed whole by his hungered desperation, he did what any rational person would. He moved in next door.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Satoru Gojo was your next-door neighbor. He moved in only a few months after you did. You were elated, chalking it up to a lucky roll of the dice that you had met by chance at your job; he had started working for the company that shared the office park with yours. It really seemed like things were on the come-up for you. He was kind, confidently intuitive, funny, and supportive. Mildly egotistical, but it worked for him. He always invited you over for dinner and movie nights and was a strong, dependable shoulder for you to cry on. You had just moved to the city, feeling utterly lost and absolutely gutted about being so far from your support systems now, and he was your first friend. You felt safe knowing he was just a wall away. 

On a random Sunday, you opened your front door to see all the food you loved sitting at your doorstep–weird, you were just about to leave for the store. You turned your head, seeing Satoru peeking out from his cracked door, grinning at you. 

“Was this you, Satoru? You didn’t have to…this is incredibly thoughtful,” you beamed, stepping over the grocery bags to give him a tight hug. “You’re the best, I don’t know how I could ever repay you.” But Satoru did, he knew exactly what you could do for him.

When you needed a ride to work, he jumped in to save you. The two of you worked in the same building after all. It was a crazy coincidence that your new neighbor turned best friend worked just a few floors above you. It’s such a small world, isn’t it? But it worked out perfectly for the two of you. 

There was a month where you were short on rent, and there was Satoru, paying the rest on your behalf. 

You weren’t catching on. Sweet, naive girl. Oh, how he loved you. I need to work harder to get her attention.

Satoru was not a patient man, but for you, he would do anything and everything to get you right where he wanted you, expertly playing the long game. It began with the fated sighting of you sitting in a cafe, and snowballed into something bigger. At first, he only ever observed you, maybe the minor occasion of overstepping, but as time went on, he couldn’t sit idly by. It was time to make his move.

His disruptions in your life started inconspicuously. Leaving for a date? You found your car tires slashed and windows shattered in the parking deck. Now there’s a police investigation. Bummer…gotta cancel the date. Had a guy over? Satoru’s apartment flooded. Weird… that was the second time this month. 

“You gotta talk to the landlord about this, ‘Toru,” you sighed. He had to stay at yours that evening. 

You cried on his shoulder, telling him that some guy stood you up on a date you had been anticipating for weeks. There was an electrical fire in that man’s apartment that night. Must’ve been faulty wiring...or something.

His apartment flooded again. He was back at your door. You welcomed him with open arms, of course. He’s so good to you, the least you could do is help him out, as well. 

Satoru, you’re slipping. That’s too many times in one month. Ease up or she’ll catch on.

Friday night, in a wild happenstance, he bumped into you while you were out with another man, enjoying a nice dinner together. He smiled warmly at the two of you, before politely dismissing himself. His cheery smile dropped into a demented grin once he stepped out of the restaurant as he anonymously called in a bomb threat to the establishment. You were so shaken up at the entire ordeal you practically begged Satoru to stay with you that night. He’d be a fool to turn you down.

Satoru got everything he wanted. You were just a tough nut to crack, is all. No big deal. He loved a challenge. After all, how could you not love him by now?

But nothing was working. You couldn’t catch the hint, even with everything he threw at you. He was always the one there for you, even when you weren’t aware of it. What more could he do to prove that he was the only person you needed? I’m reliable, witty, and loving… how can she not see this? He finally snapped. The last straw? Hearing your pleasure-filled cries while getting fucked by another man, your “boyfriend”. The lewd sounds ricocheted around your room, shooting through the thin walls of your apartment and straight into his listening ears.

Tsk, tsk. Now you’ve done it. Always been such a tease. 

For as cocky as he was, it’s oddly fitting. In his mind, everything belonged to him, including you. And with that, his demented plan was in full effect. He had hoped to spare you, prayed that you would fall in love with him before he lost his composure completely. But your sweet, naive nature had proved to be a difficult wall to break down. 

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Click

The sound of your front door’s lock disengaging echoed through the empty hallway. Satoru stepped in, inhaling deeply as he shoved your house key into his back pocket. It was far easier to gain access into your home than he had originally anticipated; he was fully prepared to break in, but all he had to do was tell your landlord you went out of town and you forgot to leave a key with him before you left. The manager of your apartment complex knew how close you and Satoru were, so it was an easy lie to tell. But it couldn’t have been further from the truth. You weren’t out of town, he wasn’t house sitting, and you had no intentions of having company this evening.

Seated at your desk, he opened your laptop and navigated his way to your iMessage settings, ensuring you could only send and receive texts from your laptop. Clicking on the messaging app, he stifled the gag that threatened to escape his throat as he clicked on the thread between you and your boyfriend, his contact name “my love” in your phone. He rolled his eyes, before drafting a quick text: 

-Hey, baby. I have a half-day at work today…dinner and wine at my place tonight? ;)

He grinned at the quickness of your boyfriend’s response.

-I would love that. What time, my love?

Satoru scoffed at the pet name. He doesn’t deserve to call you that. Poor bastard needed to learn his place. Heat rose in his chest, jealousy emanating through his skin as he crafted his response.

-3pm…Can’t wait to see you.

Everything was going according to plan. Satoru glanced at the clock beside him: 11:17 AM. It was time to get set up, he had a big day planned for you, and his first guest would be arriving in a few short hours. 

A knock rang through the apartment as Satoru finished lighting his final candle. He smiled wide, sauntering over to the door. He swung it open, grinning politely at your boyfriend. “...Hey, man…didn’t expect to see you here…” he said warily as Satoru stood to the side and gestured him in, a quizzical look painted on your partner’s face as he stepped through the doorway. The door shut and the lock was reengaged. “Where’s…” but before he could get his question out, his chin was met with Satoru’s right fist.

Satoru made quick work of dragging his body upstairs. He dug through the unconscious man’s pants, pulling out his cellphone. Satoru was disgusted to see that you were his lockscreen. This pitiful man wasn’t worthy enough to be with you. He rolled his eyes, unlocking the man’s phone and sending you a text: 

-Hey, beautiful. Come straight home tonight. I’m making dinner for us. See you when you get off work.

You smiled at the familiar ding of your phone, the notification effectively distracting you from your tedious paperwork. Your heart soared at the message, sighing deeply and shifting your weight around in your office chair. Your hand rubbed at your face in an attempt to hide your blushing cheeks. 

“What is it?” your coworker asked. 

“Oh, nothing. I thought my boyfriend forgot our anniversary cause I hadn’t heard from him all day…but he just texted me saying he’s at my place and is making dinner for us tonight.” A giddy smile couldn’t help but drag across your face. 

Satoru looked at the clock: 3:28 PM. You would be home in an hour or so. Just a few more things had to be done, everything had to be perfect.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Your heart rate spiked as you got closer to your apartment door, keys jingling against your palm as you fumbled with the lock, excitement making your movements a bit clumsier than usual. You entered and kicked off your heels, and as you turned to toss your keys onto the small table in your foyer, you noticed a small card that said “Read Me” placed perfectly in the center of the tray. You were perplexed as your eyes scanned over the note. “Go to the living room” was all it said.

You blushed, a nervous smile pulling at the edge of your lips as you crept to the other room. Your eyes went wide at the sight; deep red roses were placed in the center of the coffee table and every accessible surface around the couch was adorned with beautifully flickering candles. Another note was on the table, your fingers fumbled with the edge of the card as you opened it: “Have a seat, take a sip, and press play.” You settled on the couch, noticing a glass of alluring red wine to the right of the roses. You took a few deep, fulfilling swigs of your drink before grabbing the TV remote. Your face twisted a bit, examining the glass in your hand, the flavor of wine different than the one you were used to. It was a special night after all, your thoughtful boyfriend must have wanted you to branch out this evening. Where is he, anyway? As you pressed play, you called out for him, only to be cut off by your own confusion as Satoru’s face appeared on your TV screen. You watched with perplexity as Satoru recentered his chair, smiled, relaxed his face, and then smiled again.

No…no, no, no. What is this? You were locked in place, the melodious sounds of Satoru’s voice cascaded out of your surround sound system. He looked different though, his eyes were dull and low, his voice monotonous–his alarming difference in demeanor sent a chill down your spine. Your groggy mind inferred that this must’ve been an accident. Maybe it was casted to the wrong TV. I shouldn’t be seeing this…these are Satoru’s video diaries. 

You so badly wanted to tear your eyes away from the screen, this seemed like such an invasion of privacy. But you were entranced, staring intently toward the TV, though you didn’t really have a choice, your body was completely numb now. 

“January 16th, 4:06 AM

I woke up drenched in the feeling of lethargy again—another night of only an hour’s worth of sleep. Nothing feels real when you hit a certain point…” you fought to keep your eyes open, to piece together what the hell was happening, until your body eventually succumbed to sleep.

When you finally came to, you were laid out on your bed, fully nude. Soft grunts lingered in the air as you worked your hardest to refocus your eyes, your head pounding. You shifted your weight onto your forearms, your neck straining as it felt like your brain was filled with lead, eyes searching your bedroom for the culprit of the moans. One glance to the left, a quick look to the right, before you stared straight ahead at the wall directly across from the bed. Your body lurched in fear as your heart sank, the source of the sounds now looking you dead in the eyes: The man you had been seeing for the past couple of months, gagged and tied to a chair, his bloodied face twisted up in agony. 

You tried to call out for him. Your feeble attempts to drag your heavy body closer in order to console him were interrupted as the room was suddenly illuminated with the streaming lights of a projector. Your movements halted as you shielded your eyes immediately, the bright interruption feeling like a flashbang to your sensitive head. 

“We didn’t get to finish my show and tell,” a voice spoke up from the dark corner. 

“Satoru?? Wha…what is going on?” you cried out, tears spilling from your eyes while your hands attempted to cover your modesty. You tried your hardest to sit upright, your head spinning, unsure if Satoru was the culprit or your savior. Your body felt like it was anchored to the floor, your head throbbing with every word that tore through your chest. 

“There’s no need for all that yelling, sweetheart,” Satoru grinned, crouching down next to you. You winced as his hand cupped the side of your face, his thumb brushing away the tears that trickled down your cheeks. 

Click

Metal cuffs clamped down on your wrists before you could even register what was happening. A million unanswered questions spun through the room as you frantically searched through his blue eyes, hoping to find any sort of insight into the torment he was inflicting upon the two of you. 

“This is what’s gonna happen, okay? I need you to listen to me.” His voice was sickeningly sweet, each syllable that left his lips more damning than the last as he dragged your limp body up the bed, securing your wrists to the headboard and angling your body toward the projected video on your wall. A crazed grin lit up his dull face as he raised his hand, pointing the remote toward the projector. “You’re gonna sit here and look all pretty f’me while you watch these tapes, and if you move, if you stop paying attention for even a second…” Your stomach churned at how gently he was able to give such vile instructions. He turned his attention towards your partner, the blade of a knife twirling through the slender fingers of his free hand, “...He’s dead. Understand, angel?” 

You nodded reluctantly, unable to do anything else but comply with his demands. Your head was spinning, trying to digest the fact that this was the same person who had paid your rent and entertained your rants after a hard day of work. You listened as his voice continued to drabble over the static of the projector, recalling how bland that day had been until he saw your face. How he must’ve dreamt of you because there was no way your beauty could exist outside of his imagination. To you, it had been a normal Tuesday afternoon. To him, it had been the start of the rest of his life. 

The longer you watched, the more the realization set in that the sweet gestures he presented to you were not out of the goodness of his heart, but from the darkness of his spirit, driven by his wanton lust. Your face was slack, eyes wide in horror. Disappointment crawled through your chest at your own naivety. How could I be so oblivious? So trusting? 

Satoru’s eyes bored into the side of your face as he sat beside you, his hands rubbing deep circles into your bare thighs, pure elation shooting through his veins at his sweet girl finally having a look into his mind. The look of terror that painted your beautiful face made his heart leap with joy. Satoru’s giddy demeanor dropped as pained grunts emerged from the tethered man against the wall. He stood, closing the distance between the two of them, his fist encircling your boyfriend’s throat. You began to protest, to plead with Satoru to leave him be, but the rage that filled his eyes made you shut your mouth. “Uh uh…eye’s on the screen, my love.” Your head snapped back toward the videos, fat tears rolling down your cheeks as the muffled wailing of your boyfriend filled the room. 

As the final video played, Satoru returned to your side, kneeling on the edge of the bed as he  stroked the back of your head and rubbed at your cheeks. “Can’t you see all that I’ve done for you?” He grabbed your face, digging his fingers deep into the space under your cheekbones, forcing your lips into a pucker. “You belong to me, my love.” A deep growl rumbled through his chest, “You look so fucking beautiful like this.” He leaned down and crashed his lips into yours, his hot tongue bullying its way through your tight lips. Small whines echoed through your mouth and into his, and Satoru greedily swallowed up your sounds with ease. Whimpers of protest came from the wall across from your bed, but they were quickly drowned out by the wet sounds of smacking lips and battling tongues.

He broke away, a thick trail of spit still connecting the two of you. Satoru released your cheeks with a gentle shove, throwing his leg over yours to straddle you. He dropped his head to your neck, his white hair brushing against your skin. You winced as he licked a thick line from your collarbone to your ear. “I finally get to have you,” he whispered, nipping at your flesh, “You ready to give yourself to me, princess?” Your eyes widened in horror, your gaze affixed towards your boyfriend, blood trickling from the fresh cuts on his cheeks. Your head shook side to side, tears brimming in your eyes once more as your thoughts raced through your mind, causing a traffic jam in your throat. “I…no, I can’t…he’s…” Satoru’s palm covered your mouth, a groan erupting from the back of his throat as his eyes rolled deep into his skull. He sat back, staring down at you, his free hand running its fingertips between your breasts. “This has nothing to do with him…It’s just me and you now, my love.” Your head snapped up to stare at your captor as the rough pads of his fingers brushed over your nipples. A stifled moan teased the back of your throat, an exasperated look of fear in your eyes as you stared up at Satoru.

Your cheeks flushed as you held his gaze. He grinned back down at you before rolling the hardened bud between his fingertips. Your chest arched toward him, a shameful hum dancing from your lips as he played with you. A deep laugh erupted from the blue-eyed man at your unintentional reaction, his head thrown back with pure joy as he continued to pull at your nipples. He leaned into your neck once more, his teeth grazing the outer shell of your ear. “I knew it,” he purred, “Knew you wanted me, too. You were just playing hard to get, isn’t that right?” You shook your head once more, your words constricted in your chest. “N-no…I never wanted you,” you retorted, head thrown to the side, attempting to distance yourself from him, but to no avail. The weight of him anchored your lower half to the mattress while your tethered wrists held you in place.

A deep chuckle rumbled through Satoru, “So if I feel your pussy, it won’t be absolutely soaked right now?” A pathetic whimper escaped your throat as you shook your head furiously. The rolling motion against your nipples halted and his hand trailed lower down your abdomen. “Hmm…let’s see then, shall we?” he taunted, tracing your skin before rubbing your folds and dipping into your core. “I knew it…you’re fucking drenched f’me, sweetheart.” He shoved two fingers in, shallowly teasing your hole before withdrawing, bringing his sopping digits between your faces, turning his wrist as the dim light of the room illuminated the wetness, making it glisten ever so slightly. He examined them before meeting your fearful gaze. “Why did you lie?” He sucked his middle digit into his mouth, his tongue lapping hungrily at your sweet juices as his eyes fluttered shut. A hum emanated from Satoru as his other soaked finger pushed past your lips, “Here, have a taste, pretty girl,” his long digit dancing around your tongue. “So fucking sweet. You have no idea how badly I’ve been craving this.” 

“I’ll ask you again, princess…Why’d you lie to me? I thought you were better than that,” he teased, an insincere pout twitching at his lips as he cradled your chin. Your body thrashed as his hands pawed down your body, plunging two fingers deep inside you again. Your back arched toward him, his knee between your legs was the only thing keeping you open for him. “I…It wasn’t..ahh!– I wasn’t lying…I–”. Your words fell on deaf ears as a wicked smile crept across Satoru’s face.

“Shhh…shhh my sweet girl, just lay back and enjoy,” he smirked as he crawled down your body, laying himself flat on the bed with his head nestled between your legs. Satoru’s body no longer shielded you from your boyfriend, your teary eyes darted across his face, a silent apology being sent his way. Small gasps escaped your lips as Satoru continued to pump into you, the tips of his curled fingers toying with your sweet spot. When you stared down at him, the look of pure desire peered back at you, the dampness between your legs skyrocketing at the sight. A scarlet dusting of shame brushed across your cheeks at your clear enjoyment of all this, even though it betrayed every natural instinct you had. His tongue darted out from between his lips, the tip circling your swollen clit as his fingers dipped in and out of you, his movements spurred on by his own desperation.

He was delirious, suckling against your clit while his fingers worked into you with fervor, moans and growls echoing through the room as he drank you in. You so badly wanted to break away, to console your boyfriend who had an unintentional front row seat to you falling apart on someone else’s tongue, but you couldn't bring yourself to stop him, his digits hitting spots inside you that you didn’t even know existed. Pleasure ripped through your body as a tightening sensation crept its way into your stomach. The rattling of your cuffs echoed through your bedroom as you fought against your restraints, desperately wanting to tangle your fingers in Satoru’s hair.

Your hips bucked toward his mouth, your body aching for release as your pelvis thrusted against his flattened tongue. You didn’t dare look away from Satoru, for you knew there was another set of eyes affixed upon the damning scene that was unfolding. He continued to hum and suck and pump into your core as you tightened around him, his slender fingers quickly coaxing your orgasm from your writhing body. Your eyes screwed shut as your gushy walls spasmed around his fingers, your release painting Satoru’s overly-eager face. He lapped at you some more, working you through your orgasm as he cleaned you up with his wickedly talented tongue. 

A deep growl broke through Satoru’s chest as he removed his head from between your legs, the back of his hand dragging across his chin, catching the last of your release before he licked you off of him. He sat upright, craning his neck to look over his shoulder, “Hope you were taking notes,” a smug grin on his face as he addressed your watching boyfriend. He redirected his attention to you. “Did so good f’me, angel. Dreamt of that for so long…” he grinned, his tongue darting out to trace along his lips, hoping there was still some of you coating his face “...I could do that all fuckin’ day.” 

Your shaking chest heaved as clarity settled into your mind. Satoru untethered your wrists from the headboard, shifting your body so that you were on your hands and knees, head positioned toward the wall your partner was leaning against. Strangled sounds rang from your boyfriend’s chest as you finally met his gaze. Humiliation prickling under your skin at the realization of what you had just done. But you had no time to dwell on it as Satoru repositioned himself on the bed.

“He’s gonna watch me destroy you, my sweet girl,” Satoru was kneeled behind you, lining himself up with your embarrassingly soaked entrance. He grasped your hips roughly, sinking into you in one fluid motion. You choked out a sob as you dropped your head in shame.

“You’re so pretty when you cry. He can’t help you…can’t save you. Go ‘head, keep cryin’ for him,” he cooed, his thrusts deep and slow inside of you. Jagged moans escaped your throat as the thick head of his cock brushed into your sweet spot. “He can’t make you feel as good as I do.”

He leaned down, reaching around to cradle your throat in his hand, squeezing tightly as he turned your head to the side, his sharp eyes running up and down your contorted face. “Can’t you see that you belong to me, how my poor heart aches for you? How badly I’ve needed you?” His thrusts were agonizingly slow but incredibly deep, the pressure in your tummy betraying your desire for this to stop. “That’s it, my love. Feel you clenching down on me…you’re getting off on this, aren’t ya?” His hips rocked deeper into you, the new depth had your hands clawing at the sheets of your bed as pleasure worked its way through your trembling body.

“He doesn’t treat you the way I do. He never will. No one is better for you than me, princess,” he seethes, his hand cupping your chin, holding your head up, “Now look in his eyes while I use you.” His pace picked up, pulling you back on to him with his anchored hand around your neck. A broken sob cut through your constricted throat as he fucked into you, the visceral sound of flesh smacking against flesh and whines and cries spun through the otherwise stiff air of your room. He palmed at the fat of your ass, pulling your body to meet his rough thrusts. A choked cry left your lips as you maintained eye contact with your boyfriend, crimson droplets running down his face, mimicking the pattern of your tears. You mouthed a silent “I’m sorry” to him before your eyes shut tightly, waves of sinful bliss pulsed through your body with every mean thrust of Satoru’s hips.

“Gettin’ so tight around me–f-fuuuck–you’re close, huh?” Your face contorted in shameful pleasure as you nodded, your back arching even more to take him deeper. “That’s it…c’mon, my love. Need you to cum on my cock,” Satoru begged, his voice airy as he got lost in your tight, sopping walls. “Show me how good I make you feel.” His words ricocheted around your head as the building pressure in your stomach finally snapped, your legs shaking violently as your orgasm ripped through your body, splattering onto Satoru’s thighs and the mattress below you. 

A few more strokes met your dripping center before Satoru bottomed out inside of you, thick ropes of his pearlescent seed painting your spasming walls. He finally released his tight grip around your throat, your head dropping immediately as indignity plagued your trembling frame. He pulled out, spreading your cheeks as he leaned down, an animalistic growl pulling from his chest as he watched his cum dribble out of your pussy. 

Satoru rubbed soothing circles into your lower back as you worked to regain your breath. “You’re mine,” he whispered. He unlatched the restraints from around your wrists, a coy smile tugging at the corners of his mouth at the purple bruises that marked your skin. He locked eyes with your boyfriend, a deranged smile dancing across his face as he reached for the discarded projector remote. 

Another familiar voice flooded through the speaker, but this time it wasn’t Satoru’s. “...We broke up a few weeks ago. No, no. Really, it’s okay. She was kind of a bitch anyway.” Your pupils widened as you stared back at the man you had just been feeling sorry for minutes ago, rage mixing into the vast sea of emotions you were already feeling while you watched a grainy video of him snaking his arm around another woman’s waist. The two of them were laughing outside of his house before she leaned in to kiss him. 

“My poor sweet girl.” Satoru’s hand brushed lightly against your cheeks, catching tears that you didn’t even realize had begun spilling out. “I didn’t want you to have to find out this way, but I didn’t have much of a choice, did I?”

There were a million other ways he could have broken the news to you, but that somehow wasn’t the most pressing issue at hand. 

“An eye for an eye, right?” The same haunting grin that you’d grown to know all too well spread across his face again, his blue eyes slicing into your ex-boyfriend’s. “I can’t believe that my entire world was in the hands of someone so undeserving…” he redirected his attention back to you and recaptured your cheeks in his hands. He leaned down to meet your gaze, unexpected softness replacing his usual sinister demeanor. “What do we do now, baby? It’s your call.”

Your pulse was ringing through your ears. “My call?” your voice was reduced to a whisper as you repeated it back to him. 

“I’m going to kill him either way, but I want you to tell me how.”

You pondered for a moment, still coming to terms with the chain of events that lead you to this one vengeful moment. 

Satoru stood, sauntering over to your boyfriend, stooping down to his level while his hands hovered over his gag. “When I take this off, I don’t want to hear anything other than remorse come from that pathetic fuckin’ mouth of yours.” Your boyfriend’s eyes shifted towards you, then back to Satoru, as he nodded pitifully. The tie was pulled from his mouth. His words were broken, barely audible. “I’m -” he choked out. “I’m sorry, I -”

Your stomach lurched as a sharp smack met his cheek, the painful sound resonating through the room. “You can do better than that. You got one more try,” Satoru spat, his eyes burning into your ex-lover’s bloodied face as he wrapped his fist around his throat, jostling his head around in a fit of rage. 

“Satoru,” you hardly recognized your tone let alone the thoughts that were racing through your head. The last few hours of your life had been a blur. The words you heard earlier made perfect sense now, “Nothing feels real when you hit a certain point.” You were officially at that point. “Satoru, don’t. Let’s just end this.”

It was the first time you’d ever seen the silver-haired man look surprised. His eyebrow raised, a mix of curiosity and amusement glinting in his eye. “Tell me how,” he repeated. “I need to hear you say it.” 

You were in a dream. Nothing more than a figment of Satoru’s imagination, just like he had said. It was the only thing that made sense to you because there was no way any of this was actually happening. 

“Rip his heart out,” your voice emotionless as you gazed toward the blue-eyed man. Satoru groaned deeply, his dick twitching at the sound of your pretty voice speaking his dark language. The same depraved grin pulled at the edge of his lips as he looked back at your ex. 

“Well,” he smirked, “looks like it’s decided then…” Adoration swam through his ocean eyes as he looked back at you, “I knew I picked the right one.”

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.

Click

The lock of your front door unbolted as your bodies pushed through the door frame, giggling as four glasses of wine danced through your systems. Satoru wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you into a deep, passionate kiss. “Happy anniversary, my love,” he mumbled against your lips. His hands grasped yours as he led you toward the couch. 

You nestled into the warmth of his chest, his arm secured around you while you gazed around the room. Your head spun from the wine-induced nostalgia that this day had inevitably brought on. You were still in the same apartment, only it belonged to both of you now. A blend of sentimental gifts decorated your bookshelf that the two of you had collected over the last year. A camcorder, pressed red roses, framed vacation photos, and the first set of diamond earrings he’d bought you stowed away in a heart-shaped jewelry box. But out of all of the memories that tied you together, there was one that stood out the most. 

“Should we open it?” you whispered, drawing lazy circles into his shoulder.

You didn’t have to see his face to feel his smirk. He knew his girl and he knew her well. He stood wordlessly, retrieving a jar from the highest shelf. He presented it to you, a smug grin gracing his ethereal features, the same look that was permanently etched into your brain the night he got it for you. 

“Be my guest, princess.” You unscrewed the lid, peering into the jar as the strong scent of formaldehyde tickled your nose. You smiled longingly into the container, the overwhelming feeling of love reverberating through your chest. There was something so beautifully poetic about Satoru’s limerence, the lengths at which he went to steal the heart of another in order to fully possess yours. 

author note: im so sorry for not posting my sweets,, i had the worst case of writer's block and i was actively trying to work on six different WIPs...i was losing my mind.

this was quite the heavy fic to write...i hope i didn't scare anyone away with it lol

alsoooo!! sending out the biggest thank you to @remlionheart for forcing me to finish this...my editor, my co-writer, the love of my life ♡ ⋆｡˚

© bratbby333 on tumblr. all rights reserved. please do no distribute. 2024.

[castiwls]

you are in love - s.w

Paring; sam x reader

Prompt; 'Pauses and says, you're my best friend. And you knew what it was, he is in love'

Requested; anon

Notes; kinda made this sader than i meant oops. reqs and inbox are open !

Masterlist | Taylor Swift masterlist

Ever since he was a child Sam had been taught to fear the dark. Taught that all the worst things happened in the darkness of the night. Over time the childhood fear of creatures hiding in his closest had slowly faded away as he came to terms with the fact that those creatures did in fact not just live in the closest but also in the wider world.

He’d quickly learnt that his actual fears lay not only in the dark but also in the light. That was partly why he’d quickly learnt that his favourite time of day was dusk. The time of day when the world was almost in limbo, not yet dark enough for the monsters of the night to come out but also not too light for them to lurk on the streets.

Sleep seemed to come and go for him recently. More and more nightmares making appearances made sleep something which he’d simply rather avoid altogether, yet that had changed when you’d walked into his life.

Sleep seemed easier and safer whenever you were around, your body almost like a protection blanket in human form. The nightmares never seemed as bad.

Yet he still found himself waking in the late hours, a small jolt of fear turning his blood cold as his eyes stared up at the dark ceiling. Letting out a breath he shifted in the bed, turning to watch the rise and fall of your chest as you slept beside him.

A small smile pulled at Sam’s lips as the previous fear seemed to melt away as you subconsciously moved closer, a small huff leaving your lips. 

“Sam?” Your voice was quiet as you slowly blinked up at him. “What's wrong?”

He shook his head, his smile widening slightly as you leaned back slightly to get a better look at him. You were more than used to him being awake at almost all hours, you’d learnt very quickly that the smallest movement seemed to wake him up - much to your dismay.

“M’fine.” He brushed a hand through your hair. “Just trouble sleeping. That’s all.” He reassured.

You watched him for a moment your eyes tracing his face. He didn’t look stressed, if anything he looked relatively relaxed. You subconsciously relaxed realising that this wasn’t a nightmare situation and that he wasn’t trying to hide something.

“Okay.” You nodded a tired smile pulling at your lips as you stifled a yawn. 

You watched him for a moment longer before leaning up to press a chaste kiss to his cheek, your lips brushing over his cheek for a moment before pulling back. “Try and get some sleep okay?” 

Sam nodded whispering his agreement before brushing a hand over your cheek. His lips parted for a moment as if to say something before he stopped. His eyes moved from you for a moment, an almost hard look settling over his face.

He sucked in a breath before looking back to you, his face softening almost immediately. “Why did you do that?” You frowned.

“Do what?”

“That face, why did you pull that face?”

Sam laughed quietly. “I didn’t pull a face.”

“Yes, you did. You looked like you were in pain for a moment.” His smile dropped slightly as you sat up - him quickly following. “I know something's wrong.” 

Sam was quiet for a moment before he pulled his gaze from yours, an almost nervous look taking over his features.

“It’s nothing it’s just…I realised how much you mean to me and I guess…” He trailed off running a hand through his hair. “Everyone I’ve cared about in this way…It’s not ended well for them. I don’t want that for you.” His hand found yours, intertwining your fingers as he looked back up, his eyebrows furrowing slightly.

Your heart pinched slightly at his words. You’d told him hundreds of times that nothing was going to happen to you. That he was allowed to love without feeling guilty, yet he still refused to say the words.

“You’re my best friend.” His hand tightened against yours as he felt his breath catch for a moment. You both knew you were more than friends. You had been for a while yet he wasn’t willing to risk saying those words for fear of placing a target on your back. You both knew the unsaid words which hung over you at all times. It was almost like a string waiting to snap as you both danced the line, neither willing to cross and finally admit that you were in love.

[gahyunszn]

risk it all

genre : fluff

warning(s) : none

note : this was so rushed but idc, i’ve been having insane giselle brain rot + i love iu SO ITS A WIN FOR ME!!!!

things never really went well for you, but thankfully you had someone special to help when things went wrong.

Dearest, darling, my universe

날 데려가 줄래?

나의 이 가난한 상상력으론

떠올릴 수 없는 곳으로

giselle, your rock, your #1 supporter, your best friend. whenever you had any sort of troubles, giselle was the one person that you could run to when things became unbearable and you were grateful for that, for her. even when you didn’t have troubles that giselle would worry about and lend you a shoulder to cry on, you two would spend time together and bond over the little things that would seem meaningless to others.

저기 멀리 from Earth to Mars

꼭 같이 가줄래?

그곳이 어디든

오랜 외로움, 그 반대말을 찾아서

어떤 실수로

이토록 우리는 함께일까?

“hey, have you ever wondered what it would be like to run away?” giselle abruptly asked, making you look up from the manga you had stolen from her shelf.

“sometimes, why?” you cocked your head, eyebrows furrowed, confused on what made her ask.

“what if we ran away together, we could go somewhere even more beautiful than here, away from all your troubles.” she explained.

you smiled, liking the idea of running away with your best friend, being able to live a better life with her without worrying about anyone or anything. however, there’s one faulty thing about running away with giselle.

would your feelings towards her grow more?

“i think i’d like that” you smiled, causing giselle to smile as well.

so it was settled, you two would simply run away to a better place where it would be nothing but peaceful. of course you two couldn’t jump into this so carelessly, a lot of planning was made to assure that you two had the right funds, location, and transportation. once everything had been carefully thought out, you two progressed.

bags packed, excitement contained, and a patient giselle waiting just down the street. you were ready to leave this place to settle down somewhere better with your best friend. you hated having to still call her your best friend during all this, but what could you do? you didn’t know if she felt the same or not and you didn’t wanna risk anything.

세상에게서 도망쳐 run on

나와 저 끝까지 가줘 my lover

나쁜 결말일까?

길 잃은 우리 둘 mm

and so it started, the walk to the train station while talking about the first things you two would do in the new area begun. giselle wanted to check out any cafés that may be there while you wanted to take a nap as soon as you two made it to your destination. giselle laughed, gentle pushing your shoulder in a playful manner, joking about how much of a homebody you are.

after some talk later, you two found yourselves on the platform of the train station, looking at each other before taking a deep breath and stepping onto the train. it was almost empty minus the business workers who were going home after a long day at the office. you and giselle had sat in a secluded part of the train cart, putting your suitcases on the padded seats in front of you two. giselle let out a long breath of air, slouching a bit in her seat and resting her head on your shoulder. you stiffened up, feeling her nuzzle her head on your shoulder to get comfortable before the train started to move.

“we should have started operation run away later in the day, which one of us decided that we should do this at 4 in the morning.” she groaned.

“you did, you decided that.” you chuckled, wrapping your arm around her in an attempt to shield her eyes from as much as the train lighting as possible, allowing her to sleep peacefully.

“well…shit.” she sighed, giggling quietly to herself before letting the wave of tiredness get to her.

부서지도록 나를 꼭 안아

더 사랑히 내게 입 맞춰 lover

Love is all, love is all

Love, love, love, love

an hour or so passed since giselle had fallen asleep, the sun started to rise which only made her look even more beautiful. the way the sunrise had captured her features was amazing even if your sweater sleeve was blocking almost half her face. you were convinced that she’d wake up soon with how hard and loud your heart seemed to be beating, but you couldn’t help yourself.

you started to wonder if this was a bad idea, if maybe had you not actually run away with her, you wouldn’t be feeling this way.

impossible. it was inevitable with the way any little act of kindness she had done towards you made your heart flutter.

결국, 그럼에도

어째서 우리는 서로일까?

세상에게서 도망쳐 run on

나와 저 끝까지 가줘 my lover

나쁜 결말일까?

길 잃은 우리 둘 mm

as the train ride proceeded for a bit longer, you noticed your stop was coming up. you unwrapped your arm around giselle, causing her to stir from the sudden loss of warmth.

“hey, we’re almost here.” you whispered, rubbing your head against hers. she groaned, slowly waking up and taking in the view from outside the window.

“wow…” she was at a loss for words, grateful for picking this area as a place to run away to especially when it would make you look even more beautiful than you already are.

after a good stare out the window, giselle faced you, observing your facial features before frowning.

“did you not get any rest when i did?” she asked, moving her hand your your face to caress your cheek.

“no, i wanted to make sure we didn’t miss our stop.” complete lie. as you were about to gently grab giselle’s wrist to move her hand off your face, the announcer had announced your stop, resulting in giselle’s hand moving on her own. you two got up from your seats, stretching a bit before grabbing your things and making your way off the train. once off the train, you two took in your surroundings, sharing a joint ‘woah’ before starting the walk to the temporary hotel.

찬찬히 너를 두 눈에 담아

한 번 더 편안히 웃어주렴

유영하듯 떠오른

그날 그 밤처럼

나와 함께 겁 없이 저물어줄래?

산산히 나를 더 망쳐 ruiner

너와 슬퍼지고 싶어 my lover

during the walk, giselle couldn’t help but stare at you, causing her to almost fall a couple times.

“you should really pay more attention while you’re walking, you’re so clumsy.” you laughed, watching as giselle almost tripped over her own feet.

“it’s hard to pay attention when….the view is so pretty!” she awkwardly said, suddenly turning her head towards a fenced off ledge that had a perfect view of the ocean and a small island off in the distance. “here, stand right there, i wanna take a picture of you with this beautiful view.” giselle pointed at a spot with her finger.

you stood where she pointed, looking behind you to also take in the view. as you were looking behind you, giselle had whipped out her phone to take some candid shots of you, loving how amazing you looked without even trying.

“wow…you’re a work of art.” she said a little too loud, causing you to look at her. you smiled.

“same to you, you’re absolutely stunning.”

giselle’s arm slowly dropped to her side as she walked towards you. once she got close enough, she held you in a warm embrace, the breeze flowing through both of your hair. after some silence, you decided to risk everything and lean in for a kiss which she thankfully reciprocated.

필연에게서 도망쳐 run on

나와 저 끝까지 가줘 my lover

일부러 나란히 길 잃은 우리 두 사람

부서지도록 나를 꼭 안아

더 사랑히 내게 입 맞춰 lover

Our love wins all, love wins all

Love, love, love, love

it was a warm, longing kiss. the mix of the cool breeze and the faint wave crashes in the background made it all the more better. you were glad you took the risk to run away with her, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

giselle pulled away first, looking into your eyes lovingly before gently hitting your shoulder.

“you know, i’ve been waiting for you to do that.” she admitted, causing you to roll your eyes playfully.

[psychologicalwarclaire]

Rising and Falling

Or, a oneshot set shortly after Arin betrays the ninja. Corruption arc Arin aftermath.

---

The flight back was the longest night of Sora’s life. 

No one spoke. 

No one looked at Sora. 

No one looked at Lloyd. 

No one talked about Arin. 

Sora wanted to. She wanted to scream and shout. She wanted to grab Lloyd by the shoulders and ask why Arin had abandoned them like that. She wanted to flare her powers, take over the engine, and turn the Bounty around immediately. She wanted to demand that they all go back. But they had nothing to go back to. Raz had pulled his little making-everyone-on-his-side-disappear trick. And this time, Arin had gone with him. 

Willingly. 

Not as a hostage, not as any part of a plan. Willingly. 

Sora would never forget the look in Arin’s eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he’d said. “You don’t need me. I need to get stronger. I need to find my family.” His eyes had flicked to Lloyd and his face had twisted. “My real family.” 

Shaking her head, Sora scrubbed away the tears in her eyes. She didn’t want to relive that moment anymore. But she had a sneaking feeling that it simply lived in her head now. Forever. 

The Bounty touched down at the Monastery. Every light was off. The only glow came from the red moon and a sliver of the white one. The faintest line of dawn pulsed along the horizon, dimming the stars. Sora turned to Lloyd, but he was gone. 

Nya put her hand on Sora’s shoulder. “Get some sleep.” It was the first thing anyone had said to her in hours. Nya’s own voice was husky. “It’s been a long night.” 

Sora stopped just outside of the Monastery gates. She couldn’t go in. She couldn’t go in. Without Arin it was empty. It was cold. It was nothing. 

There would be no scent of a freshly baked pie. There would be no giggles and cute little leg kicks as he read scrolls about his beloved ninjas’ adventures. There would be no laughter ever again, as far as Sora was concerned. 

“Nya. Where did Lloyd go.” 

Nya hesitated, clearly unsure if she should tell Sora. 

“Nya. Please.” 

“Check the far side of the Monastery. Outside of the wall. Be careful of the cliff.” She made to walk away, then stopped. “Make sure you eat breakfast. I know you probably don’t want to, but you should eat something.” 

Sora didn’t respond. She just started off around the outer edge of the Monastery wall. 

By the time she found him, it had lightened just enough for her to see her teacher’s silhouette against the dim sky.

Plopping down next to him, she noticed that he flinched away slightly. 

More silence. 

Chilly breezes ruffled Sora and Lloyd’s hair. 

“I’m sorry,” Lloyd finally said at last.

Sora didn’t say anything. She didn’t trust herself to speak. 

“I thought… I thought I could be your teacher. I thought that I could be like Wu. But I’m not.” Lloyd pulled his knees up to his chest. The motion was so innocently childish that Sora was momentarily taken aback. 

“I’ve failed you. I’ve failed Arin. I’ve failed Riyu. I’ve failed Wu. I’ve failed myself!” Pale purple sky reflected in his eyes as they slowly filled with tears. “I shouldn’t have tried to teach. I should have seen what kind of pressure Arin was under. I should have been a better teacher. I’m not Wu. I wanted to be, I just…” Lloyd buried his face in his knees. “I’m sorry. I understand if you want to leave.” 

Her mouth fell open in indignation. “L-leave?” 

“Why would you want to be taught by me anymore? You have no reason to stay now. I’m the worst teacher possible. You shouldn’t feel pressured to stay with someone as awful at this as I am.”

Gears turned in Sora’s brain. Her grief, her shock, her denial over Arin’s choice shifted. As the sun rose closer to the horizon, so did a new feeling in Sora’s gut. 

“So that’s it?” she snapped, her voice harsh. “We’re just giving up?” 

“You saw how he looked at me.” 

“SO WHAT?!” 

The sky lightened another shade, now tinging the clouds with hints of pink as Sora’s anger rose to the surface. 

“COULD YOU BE MORE SELFISH?!” 

Lloyd’s head snapped up. “Excuse me?” 

“‘Aw, poor me, poor me. I’m not as good as Master Wu. I lost my student because I wasn’t paying attention. Waaa, waaa, waaa.’ Okay, and?!” 

“Sora, you don’t understand. Master Wu–” 

“Oh enough about Master Wu already! I honestly don’t think he was anywhere near as perfect as you and Arin seem to think. I’ve read the scrolls, Lloyd. It sounds like he wasn’t this amazing mythical figure you see him as. It sounds like he didn’t tell you guys enough. It sounds like he didn’t always prepare you for this stuff. Heck, he didn’t even know the Merge was gonna happen until it was too late! This Wu guy clearly wasn’t perfect despite having years of experience on you.”

“Hey, don’t disrespect my uncle!”  

“You’re telling me that Wu was the perfect teacher to every single student he ever came in contact with? You’re telling me he never messed up, pushed too hard, or got too distracted?” 

“No, never– well.” 

Lloyd dropped his legs back into a meditation position. “There was Morro. His first student. Master Wu messed up with him big time.”

“See? Wu’s first student gave him issues too. It shouldn't be this big a deal–” 

“Sora, he accidentally drove Morro away. He died. He came back as a ghost. Possessed me. Tried to curse the world. Uprooted destiny. Trapped my father in the Cursed Realm.” His green eyes finally turned to her. The sky made them look… red. 

Sora had nothing to say.

Pink on the clouds darkened to scarlet streaks. Blood smeared across the sky. 

“So. So Master Wu wasn’t perfect.” 

“Well it’s clear that we’ve both messed up big time. You’re angry, Sora. I understand. But I just don't see how I can continue to teach–” 

“No!” 

The anger was back, twice as crimson as the sky. 

“I’m not gonna leave the Monastery! I have nowhere else to go! Arin is my family. And Arin is my home. I’m not staying here without him and I’m not leaving without him. I’m not doing anything without him!” 

“What if he doesn’t want to be saved? What if Raz corrupted him, or brainwashed him, or something that we can’t undo? We don’t know where they went or why exactly Arin felt the need to– Sora we just… can’t.” 

Shooting to her feet in time with the first golden sunbeams, Sora glared down at her teacher. 

“Stop thinking about yourself! Stop thinking about your failure! This is all of our fault. If I hadn’t made him think he did object-Spinjitzu that one time, or if I’d told him about it, or if I’d-I’d, I don’t know, talked to you about this first then maybe we wouldn’t be here.” 

Lloyd opened his mouth. 

“But we are here! And Arin is gone.” 

And it hit her. 

Sora sank to her knees. 

“Arin is gone, Lloyd. He left us. He left me.” 

She stared at the grass, ashen as its green mixed with glow of the stained sunrise. 

“I want him back.” She raised her head to give a hard, cold look to her teacher. Lloyd’s expression was unreadable. “I want him back.” Sora repeated. 

She stood up again, more slowly this time. Just as she did, the sun broke over the horizon, bathing her face in vermillion. 

“Ninja never quit.” 

Lloyd just stared for a moment. “I think that’s the first time you’ve said that.” 

“Yeah, well. Quitting isn’t an option. And if Arin’s not going to be a ninja then I’d better be a ninja for both of us.” 

Slowly, Lloyd got to his feet. “I don’t want to mess up again, Sora. I don’t want to lose you too. I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t…” he sighed. “I don’t know how we’re going to do this.”

“Well I’m doing it. I don’t know how exactly, but I’m gonna do it. You are welcome to join me, Lloyd.” 

Maybe it was the rising sun, but Lloyd's smile was warmer than she’d ever seen it. He held out his arms for a hug and Sora fell into it. She felt so small. 

“I can’t promise that I’ll be a perfect teacher. I can’t promise that I will be like Wu, or that I won’t be like Wu.” He squeezed tighter. “But I can promise that I’m going to try my hardest to make this little family of ours whole again.” 

Arin’s words seemed to echo in the air. 

My real family. 

“Okay,” Sora whispered, wiping her eyes. 

By the time they broke apart, the sun had risen fully. Messy red had given way to a pale, peaceful blue. 

“Let’s go get our boy,” Lloyd said. “No more moping. No more feeling sorry for myself.” 

“No more comparison to Wu?” 

“I’ll try.”

“That’s all Arin and I ever wanted of you.” 

Under the rays of a warm sun, teacher and student walked into the Monastery together, ready to piece themselves back together. 

[restinslices]

Liar Pt2

Me finally writing the part 2?! Wow! So this part is honestly filler. It's Matthias being in his own head and meeting Nina, who will become an ally. Imma be real, nothing happens BUT LISTEN- it's setting shit up. Have faith. Enjoy his mental crisis. Druskelle!Matthias Helvar x Heartrender!Wife!Reader (she does not make an apperance-) Word Count: 2059 Summary: Ever since you've left, Matthias has had conflicting thoughts about your relationship and it's driving him insane, but an unlikely friend makes him realize not all hope is lost. Y/N - Your Name D/N - Daughter Name Link to part 1

(Lowkey should've used this gif for part 1 and part1's for this, but rip)

“Dear my love and life,

I don’t know what to say. Maybe I should say sorry again for the whatever thousandth time. I never know how to start these, so I always say I’m sorry. I wish Djel gave me the power to go back in time and fix the mistakes I’ve made. I wish I could go back and hug you when you told me about you being Grisha, instead of pushing you away. I wish I would’ve held you and told you I’d forever love you instead of calling you a witch. I wish when I woke up, I had my wife beside me and my daughter in the room next to ours. I have lots of wishes, and since I can’t change the past, I have a wish that’s selfish and cruel.

I wish you both were dead. I wish that the Druskelle had found and killed you two, or all of you instead of just Elise and Erik. 

I know I sound terrible, but not knowing where you are or how you are hurts more than you two being dead. I wish that one day, I’m sitting at home and someone comes in to say they found and killed you both.

Am I a bad person for thinking this? I’ve heard rumors about other countries. I’ve heard Ravka trains their children for war. I’ve heard Shu Han does terrible experiments on Grisha. I’ve heard in The Wandering Isle that the Kaelish kill Grisha so they can drink their blood. I’ve heard in Kerch, Grisha are put under contracts and basically become slaves. I’d rather you be dead than go through any of that. 

My love, you remember the day I proposed to you. I know you do. What you don’t know is that the night before I did so, I sat outside for hours. I couldn’t possibly sleep when I was terrified about what I was gonna do. I saw a star that shined brighter than the others, and for some reason, I thought it could be Djel watching over me. I prayed and begged Djel to convince you to say yes, and you did. 

Maybe that’s what I’m doing wrong. Maybe I’m too busy wishing, instead of praying, but I haven’t felt like praying in so long. Maybe if I find that star again, he’ll hear me better like he did the first time. Maybe I’ll get another chance and we’ll all run away. Maybe-”

“Anything going on up there?” the Grisha woman asked.

Matthias found himself writing a lot since you left. Not in some diary though. He’d write letters to you and his daughter, then throw them in the fireplace and watch it be engulfed in flames. 

At first the letters were angry and full of betrayal. You lied to him for years. You used him. That’s what he thought at first.

It had been days and you hadn’t been caught. He happened to have paper and ink around him, so he wrote this letter filled with insults, profanities and accusations, then he threw it in the fireplace. Although he wrote all this down, about how you were a liar and a witch, he didn’t go with the druskelle to try and capture you. Others assumed that your “witchcraft” made him still feel sick, but in reality, Matthias knew deep down that if he saw you he wouldn’t be able to take the shot. He would’ve been expected to either kill or capture his ex wife and child and he knew he couldn't. You were his love, and once your daughter was born, you both promised each other to make her number one in your lives. You’d raise her with love and guidance and make sure she never knew a lonely day. You even promised each other that if one was to die, the other had to keep going everyday even if they didn’t want to. You both promised to make her your whole life. Now he was expected to forget all about that. He wanted to forget all about you, but he couldn’t.

His letters went from angry to pleading. Sometimes his letters would be destroyed by his own tears before it even reached the fire. This especially happened whenever an important date passed, like your daughter’s birthday. It hit him hard then. The loneliness became more apparent. Matthias had quit being a Druskelle, telling Brum some bullshit about how his head still didn’t feel right and he didn’t want to mess something up. In reality, being a Druskelle didn’t feel right anymore. His brothers gave him sympathy, saying you were evil and he was strong for realizing this and breaking out of your spell, but it didn’t make sense. When people look back at their memories with a manipulator or abuser, they notice signs. They see things they didn’t see before. And while Matthias did indeed notice signs that you were Grisha, he didn’t see any signs of evil. 

Matthias knew you even before his family was killed, and you stood by him as he mourned. You stayed even when he was sure you’d leave. How could you possibly be evil? It didn’t make sense. 

Matthias doesn’t know why he accepted Brum’s offer to go on another exploration. Maybe it was loneliness. He had practically isolated himself for two years. No more you. No more D/N. No more brotherhood.

Or maybe he was hoping somehow they’d find you and he’d be able to escape with you.

Either way, he accepted. A mistake.

The boat ended up sinking and Matthias was sure he’d die, until he suddenly felt his heart speeding up in his chest. When he came to, he realized one of the Grisha, a heartrender with brown hair and a smart mouth, had saved him. Granted, it was just so he could push them to shore, but at least he was breathing.

They found a hut, slept by each other, and that’s when he realized two things.

Number one, your wedding ring, which he always kept in his pocket, was gone.

Number two, when the woman sped his heart up so he stayed warm, it felt familiar. It was how he felt when he laid next to you. He always assumed that maybe his heart beat so fast because being near you was the greatest honor and he hadn’t gotten used to it. He’d still say that was true, but the reality was that you used your power to keep him warm every single night. If he hadn’t been around someone, he might’ve cried.

He heard fingers snapping next to his ear. “Druskelle? Anyone up there?”.

Matthias blinked hard to snap himself out of his thoughts, then cleared his throat. His eyes had been on the fire in front of him the whole time, as if he could burn his letter like he usually did. He looked to the side as the woman sat next to him. He couldn’t even remember what they were talking about.

It was as if she read his mind since next she said, “you were telling me all about Fjerdan woman then you stopped. Hoping one appears?”.

“Yes” he answered without thinking.

~~~

Matthias refused to answer any of her questions. In all honesty, she was annoying him. She was incredibly nosey and kept insisting they were lost, but they couldn’t have been lost because Druskelle didn’t get lost! All trees look the same! Rocks look the same! A certain patch of snow looked the same as other patches of snow!

They were lost. Dammit.

Matthias sat on a big rock with a flat top in defeat. What good was being alive if they were just gonna freeze to death?

The woman sat next to him, “I’m gonna ask a few questions if you don’t mind”.

“I do mind”.

“What’s your name? I like ‘Dumb Druskelle’ but surely you were born with something else. Todd? A Kevin maybe? James?”. Matthias hated she gave the same comfort a friend would. It was strange. He didn’t know her, but he had been so lonely that he enjoyed having someone else near. And if he was gonna die, he wouldn’t mind dying with someone else. 

Although Matthias was silent, she kept going. “Who’s back home for you?”.

“No one” he thought.

The woman pulled something out of one of her pockets and presented it to him. It was your wedding ring, the one he thought probably sunk to the bottom of the ocean. Before he could speak she said “I grabbed it before it sunk too far. Figured I could use it as leverage to make you get us to shore, but you agreed before I could”. Matthias took it and since no one he knew was around, he put it back on.

Some people prefer the feeling of a weight lifting off of them, but he preferred the weight the ring added to his finger even if it wasn’t that huge of a change. The woman was still looking at him then he had an idea. If she was Ravkan and you ran there, maybe she knew you! He asked her if he knew a woman fitting your description with a child that had recently came to Ravka. When she said she was usually in and out of the palace, but had gotten a letter from a friend who mentioned a new Grisha with a child he felt conflicted. On one hand, this could’ve been you and this meant you were safe. On the other hand, this meant his daughter was probably being trained to become a soldier for whatever other war Ravka would join. 

She made a sarcastic remark, asking if he had been hunting this woman also and she happened to get away. He spilled his guts then. He told her everything. How you met, how you were always there for him, how you fell in love, your marriage, your child, the incident, him turning on you. All of it. It felt amazing to say out loud to someone else.

“You had an incredible wife but chased her and your child away? Remember when I said there was a brain inside all that muscle? I lied”. He didn’t argue. What was the point? “What would you do if you managed to see her or your child again?”.

He thought about this every night and he still didn’t know. He’d apologize but what then? Let you go? Beg for another chance? What if you had met someone else by now? “I don’t know” he answered honestly “but I’d beg for as long as she wanted me to”.

“You do realize that you were gonna kill more Grisha on that boat right?”

“You would go on trial”

“Your trials are a sham, we’ve been over this. The loneliness won’t end by becoming a Druskelle again. You and I both know it”. Matthias went quiet again as he thought. He hated she was nosey, he hated that everything that came out her mouth was sarcastic or said with an attitude, but more importantly 

He hated she was right.

“I have known one way my entire life. I don’t know how to be anything else. I… I don’t know if I can be better”.

“It’s possible” she said. She stood and moved so she was in his view. “Get on your feet-”. It all happened so quick then. She backed up, then all Matthias heard was the ground crumbling and her screams. He dived down, catching her hands. 

She pleaded for Matthias to pull her up and for a split second, he thought he’d let her fall. 

He refused to turn his back on anyone else though.

He pulled her up and let her catch her breath on the ground. After a few seconds, he stood with his hand outstretched, “Matthias… Helvar”.

She took his hand and let him help her to her feet. “Nina Zenik. Nice to make your acquaintance”. Matthias draped one of the fur coverings he was wearing on her shoulders then they started walking again.

“You saved my life”

“I put you in chains. It was the least I could do”.

“That’s all very true, but I was going to say something before I fell”. Nina grabbed his arm, making him stop and look at her. 

“I’m going to help you find your family”.

A/N: I need to stop deciding to write at 11pm-. Anyway, did anything really happen this part? No. Lowkey this should say part 1.5 but that looks ugly so here we are. I will not procrastinate for another two months, I promise. Also I remembered that Matthias is 18 and ya'll kid is 10, so uhhh let's say the kid is 6 and ya'll are mid twenties. Imma edit the last part too, don't even worry. I think part 3 will be the last part unless I decide it's too long and split it. Taglist: @luvrrish @katie-the-bookworm @favouritefeverdream (Idk if you wanted to be tagged, but you commented so imma do it anyway)

[danikamariewrites]

Loved ‘My North Star’ so much!! Now I can’t stop thinking about Cassian with a mate who can wipe the floor with him in combat and he’s like wtf? I have met my match (or superior in this case). If you write a part 2 (which I hope you do!) could you include that? Or write a seperate story?

When The Nightmare Feels Real

Cassian x reader

A/n: So I wanted to write this as the part two originally but I thought adding Cassian’s view of how strong reader is would be good to. Again, thank you for all the love on My North Star! It’s definitely one of my favorite fics I’ve written. I’m very proud of that one.

Warnings: nightmares, worries, and some fluff

Ever since you landed in Velaris Cassian has been amazed by you. He has met his match yet his equal with you. You are everything he has ever wanted in partner. The last year with you has been amazing.

You’re adventurous and strong. But there are times when you haven’t loved your new home. Adjusting to Velaris was hard. As much as you hated your life and siblings, you did miss your home.

Lately you’ve been going through one of those phases where your nightmares were too much. Sleep was impossible once you woke up. Too many times Cassian has found you on the roof staring at the stars. A longing look in your eyes.

He was too scared to do anything but sit there with you. Cassian yearned to pick you up, holding you to his chest as he brought you as close to the stars as possible.

Tonight was one of those nights. Except tonight you weren’t on the roof. Cassian had sensed you up in the training ring. When he pushed open on the door he spotted you fully dressed in your Illyrian leathers that you fixed some of your armor to.

Making as much noise as he could Cassian came to lay down next to you. Your jaw was clenched so tight Cassian could hear your teeth grinding together. You were gripping your hands so tight your knuckles were stark white. It broke Cassian’s heart to see you like this. To see his girl, so strong and sure of herself, become unsure and question herself and abilities.

“What if they come true one day?” Your voice barely above a whisper. “What if he does find this place that I love so much like in my nightmares? And what if I can’t do anything to save you? Or the rest of the family.” A tear slid from the corner of your eye into your hairline.

Cassian sat up, smoothly pulling you on to his lap, smoothing down your hair. “That won’t happen y/n. I’d never let him or anyone hurt you Angel. And no one. No. One. Is taking me from you. That’s a promise.”

You feel his rough fingers gently caress your chin, pulling you to look up at him. “I can fight. Our family can fight. You, my fearless warrior, can fight like I have never seen before. There isn’t a doubt in my mind you couldn’t protect me.” Another silent tear falls down your face.

Cassian wipes them from the apples of your cheeks. He stands, holding out his hand for you. “Get up,” he said softly. You gently place your hand in his calloused one.

As soon as you stand Cassian pulls away getting into a ready fighting position. You shoot him a questioning look. “You wanna do this now?” “Yeah! I’m trying to prove a point babe. Let’s go!” He starts bouncing on the balls of his feet, punching the air.

You shake your head at him getting in your own ready stance. Cassian nods and you nod back signaling the start of your sparring session.

You felt alive and alert. Sparring with Cassian always made you feel better. He knows all the ways to push you to be the best fighter.

Once you had Cassian pinned your scowl turned into a smirk. His point finally hitting home. If you could take down the General of the Night Court you could surely you could take down Castor. With Cassian and the rest of your family standing with you nothing would harm you.

[pigfartsviatardis]

Does anyone else think that if Linke was so committed to ace rep in arcane - as he claims was his intention with Viktor - then wouldn’t Jayce have been a more interesting option??

I mean it’s in the name… jACE ba dum tshh 👉👉 no but seriously, linke said something about wanting to do an ace character who isn’t the usual emotionless stereotype. And I would absolutely agree that Viktor isn’t emotionless, but tbh he also doesn’t do much to push the boundaries of ace stereotypes. After the ace!viktor Thing came to light, I spoke to an aroace friend who watches arcane cause I was interested to know if Viktor gave off any vibes she’d picked up. She said she couldn’t think of anything in the storytelling that might have been trying to portray Viktor as ace, and then she said it was weird of linke to go ‘hmm I want to do an Asexual Character (and I definitely know what that word means), but I don’t want to fall into ace character stereotypes… so I’ll make it the disabled character who becomes a robot’.

Like. I have no problem with ace!viktor, but she makes a good point 😅 plus, viktor is kind of exactly what I associate the most with ace character stereotypes: he’s obsessively fixated on his one passion (science) and has very little social life or family ties.

However, Jayce actually would be kinda a groundbreaking choice for ace-spec rep. He’s not only emotional, he’s completely guided by emotion. He’s friendly and exuberant. He’s conventionally sexually attractive and successful. He’s got charisma and popularity. He’s got loving relationships with both bio family and found family. He’s got the hottest woman in the show flirting with him.

This brings me to my next point: Jayce being ace-spec would, I believe, fit well with what we know and see of him. I mean… this man had THEE Mel Medarda giving him flirty eyes for SIX YEARS, yet apparently nothing happened between them that whole time. It’s not like he’s not into women, or not into her specifically. He already seems into her BEFORE the timeskip. Everyone always talks about viktor’s salty jealous lil face in this moment (just aroace platonic bro things):

But the thing he’s reacting TO is Jayce’s heart eyes as he watches Mel walk away (fair Jayce, me too). Yet even then, it took poor Mel six goddamn years of touching his shoulder fifteen times a minute and sashaying around temptingly and telling him how special and cool he is… and EVEN THEN he was still so clueless he seemed surprised when she kissed him. I would say ‘classic lesbian’ but sadly he’s not a lesbian. However… if he were ace-spec then maybe flirting and suggestiveness and Vibes just wouldn’t be on his radar??

And it would have been amazing to have a scene where Mel is like ‘finally, I’ve been dropping hints that I’m into you for years’ and Jayce goes ‘you have???? Tbh none of that stuff ever makes any sense to me, which is why I don’t date or really ever sleep with people, but I think you’re amazing so I’m very glad this is happening’ but like a better written version by a professional screenwriter. Yknow, like ACTUAL ONSCREEN REP instead of just slapping a random label on a character after the show has aired.

Should clarify that I don’t even particularly headcanon Jayce as ace-spec, I just think it would actually fit and would be cool rep. I kinda sometimes headcanon Viktor as demi but not because of what linke said or anything in the show really, I just vibe with it for him. I mean no disrespect to the canonicity of ace!Viktor and I understand why people might be defensive of that with so little ace rep out there. I just think it was handled poorly and reads as an odd choice made for odd reasons.

[eris-snow]

7. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐚𝐲 𝐈 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝

Tags: bakugou x fem!reader, juxtaposition, angst, swearing, crying

A life behind the curtain is heaven for some, but for others, it’s utter hell. 

L/n!” Katsuki hollers, ripping the curtain open. “We need to talk—oh.”

Katsuki knows what he sees. He doesn’t like it.

You’re wearing that big hoodie and you’re hiding your face, shivering in a corner with a pack of tissues next to you.

You’re sniffling and shaking like an earthquake hit, and his thoughts immediately go blank.

Uh-oh.

Katsuki has been through a war, died and came back. His heart stopped beating for the love of nachos, and he still can’t handle it when he sees someone cry.

What’s worse is that your breaths are quickening and you’re tearing your hands through your hair as your eyes are shut so tightly he’s afraid they might never open up again.

A tiny sob wrecks your entire body before Katsuki says fuck it and kicks his instincts to gear.

“L/n?” He kneels down, forcing himself to smoothen his tone of its rough edges.

No go. You’re still quivering as frantically as before and he thinks it’s getting worse.

“Y/n, hey—” He reaches out experimentally, but you don’t even flinch at his touch. Nothing he does helps, hell, he’s the worst person to deal with this kind of—

Sunshine.

His mind spat out.

Almost instinctively, his mouth followed suit. “Sunshine.”

To his utter surprise, your head snaps up for him to see your face riddled with tears and snot. Your face says one word: Help.

“Katsuki?” you croke, eyes desperate and breath caught.

He nods, right in front of you. “I’m here.”

Your breath doesn’t slow, but your eyes are on him and he needs to do something. He lets go of the decade-old foolscap and focuses his gaze on you.

“Breathe with me,” he says softly, “I need you to stay with me.”

He works you through the exercise for god knows how long, rubbing circles on your hands and breathing, but it’s finally worth it when your breaths coincide and you look lucid again. It’s especially rewarding when you stop quaking like you’re in a frenzy.

He eases himself on the floor, letting your hands go.

“Better?”

Your nod is shameful, and you can’t bear to look him straight in the eye. You look so embarrassed, hiding your face away and shaking your head like you’ve made a fatal mistake.

“This is—you shouldn’t have seen this,” you finally mutter. “Forget this happened, please—”

“No.” Katsuki’s voice is firm, and it holds such authority that it makes you flinch. “I’m done pretending that whatever the fuck going on is normal. Shit’s been weird, and we’re finally going to talk about it. No diversions, no more secrets.” He grabs the foolscap paper at his side and tosses it to you, eyeing your reaction. “I found this in the library. Seen it before?”

Your silence speaks louder than any words could.

“Thought so. I’ve had a real, shitty week with no fuckin’ sleep and too much coffee to be healthy.” He grits out, hands steaming. He’s fed up, and he has every reason to be after being strung along like an idiot. You’re so frustrating that it’s driving him insane.

“I don’t have a damn clue as to what is going on, but I’m smart enough to know that I’m involved in it. So for the sake of my sanity, tell me what is going on.”

You don’t say anything for a good second. And then, you take a tissue out of the packet beside you, blow your nose, and crumple it up in your hand. You look at him, and you look wrecked. Eyes frost cold, the usual warmth stripped and shredded like a glass shattering on concrete.

“You’ve had a shitty week?” You repeat, voice sharp, enunciating each syllable like the words are foreign to you. It’s such a stark difference from the you that would listen to him earnestly, or reply to his banters ever so snarkily.

“I’m sorry you’ve had a shitty week, Bakugou, and I’m sorry that you’re scarred emotionally because of the war, your kidnapping, and being literally revived on the battlefield. But news flash, everyone probably had a shitty week too! And you don’t see them complaining about it, do you?”

“You wanna know what’s happening? Fine! Where should I start? What about when I found this stupid report, hm? Or that time you told Izuku to take a swan dive off the roof? Oh! How about the day you forgot about me.” You’re practically snarling now, and, oh look, you’re crying again.

“We attended the same piano lessons; best in our academy's and whatever. We skipped stones and traded likes as I listened to you rant obsessively about heroes like a sick puppy dog. You called me Sunshine, you called me your equal. Your ideas, your dreams, your friends, you shared everything with lil’ old me even as we quit music. Where’d you think I know All Might’s successor from?”

“Izuku’s been high profile for a long while now—”

“You told him to suicide because he was Quirkless.” You spit. “I was in that classroom when that happened, the same classroom you told me to get lost in because you didn’t remember me.” You laugh. It’s a bitter, dark, humourless one. “I was so confused. Everyone kept ignoring me and so were you. I kept calling out to you in class and you got so fed up with me, you snapped.”

—

Past (3 years ago): Middle school 2nd year,

“Katsuki.”

The ash blond stopped and looked back, obviously annoyed. “What do you want, extra? Who the fuck are you?”

You looked at him in disbelief, face crumbling as fear, hurt and disbelief seeped into your heart.

“Katsuki, don’t you remember me?”

No. No way. Not you too.

He laughed, low and raspy and god damn mocking that it makes your blood boil. “Who do you think you are, hah? I’ve never seen you in my life. Now get lost—”

“Sunshine, remember? Nuvole Bianche our duet?” You pointed to yourself, getting desperate now. If Katsuki didn’t know you, who would?

“You’re a freak,” He spat, shouldering his bag. “Stay the fuck away from me, creep. Talk to me again, and see what’ll happen.”

You stood there in utter shock, watching as he stalked off with his lackeys who flanked him left, right and back, and in a wave of utter panic you called out to him, just one more time.

But your voice was stolen by the wind, and you didn’t even get a glance as he left you alone in the classroom.

—

Present:

“I couldn’t have known you!” Katsuki’s voice cuts deep, and boy, it stings. ”There’s too many missing holes, someone would have noticed!”

Lashing out is the worst thing you could have done with Katsuki. When you yell, he yells back, and everything escalates until harsh words that can’t be taken back spew from both your lips. You’ve always been good at taking, but it’s a pity that Katsuki finds a way to tear down your mask one way or the other.

You give him a glum smile, the fire in you finally fading as you settle back into your corner.

“If everybody forgets, nobody remembers.”

And because of that, Katsuki’s heart tugs.

Katsuki doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know a thing about your family, have a clue about your past or even how this happened.

So why did he call you Sunshine? Why did he come back and visit you every goddamn day when he has internships, school work, training and so much in between?

Why does he feel like even though he knows nothing about you…

He’s drawn like a moth to a flame to this place just so he can see you again?

You seem to blend a little more into your surroundings as you murmur, no longer shouting but instead coming back to grudging acceptance. “Who am I kidding? You read that catalogue. I’m finished, whether you believe me or not.” You slump down, head tucked in between your knees. “I tried everything.”

“You clearly didn’t.”

You glance up to glare at the blond, opening your mouth to snap back when you catch his eyes.

You’ve forgotten that feeling. That feeling of being really seen, of being heard. That look that you’ve long for the past 3 years…is now the look that is being given by one of the most explosive people on the planet.

Something stirs in your chest but you fight it down. Now isn’t the time for past regrets. Now isn’t the time for feelings.

“You have me now, don’t you?” Katsuki refutes, raising an eyebrow as he swipes the log out of your hands. “For someone who supposedly knew me my entire life, you have balls to underestimate me like that.”

He waves the foolscap in front of your face, a familiar, cocky smirk coiling on his face. “We have alumni, teachers, and I have insane fuckin’ connections. This was written by Invisible Shit and his knight in shining armour? Great.”

“Let’s go find them.”

[silverstar70]

Fandom: Criminal minds. Character: Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader

Author’s note: English is not my first language so I apologise for any mistakes.

Warnings: 🔞‼️smut, vaginal sex, established relationship, oral sex, fluff

Summary: Y/N comes back after months oversea and Hotch makes up for the lost time

Words: 5k

Welcome back

After ten months oversea, Y/N just wanted to lay in her bed and sleep for more than a few hours. Those months had been stressful and exhausting. After three missions in Afghanistan, she got used to the long hours, the heat, and the desert. What she wasn’t used to was missing home. She never felt at home in any of the city she was deployed. Yes, she loved moving around the planet but no one of the houses she lived in, felt like home, not by a long shot. And no one was waiting for her so she never had a reason to feel eager to go back.

Now, things were different. She had someone waiting for her back home. Her relationship with Hotch was one of the best things that ever happened to her. He was caring, kind, loving and most importantly he loved her for her. He understood her job and the long hours better than anyone else, maybe because he was as workaholic as her, but no mattered how much work he had, he always found time for her and his son Jack.

Y/N loved that boy as he was her own. She never thought she would’ve missed someone like she missed the Hotchner boys, and she couldn’t wait to come back home and hugged them. She loved her job, it was the only constant in her life since she was eighteen, her anchor in the darkest days and it still was sometimes. But now she had Hotch too.

Being away from him had been torture. They talked via Skype any time she could, but it was difficult since most of the times the signal was wonky, and it wasn’t the same thing. She missed falling asleep in his strong arms, it was her safe place. She missed his skin under her touch, his kisses, his penetrative stare. She missed feeling him close and spending the weekend with him and Jack.

She took a deep breath before the doors of the elevators opened. As soon as she landed at the base, she went straight to Hotch’s office. She couldn’t wait to see him and didn’t even bother to change clothes, so she was still wearing her uniform. He wasn’t expecting her to come back for another two days before the schedule date, it was a surprise.

As soon as she entered the bullpen, she saw the team chatting around the table in the small kitchen they had and sharing a cup of coffee. No one of them seemed to notice her presence.

“Is there a cup left for me?” She asked rhetorically, and the team gasped in surprise to see her standing in the bullpen.

“Y/N! You’re here!” Garcia shouted as she walked up to Y/N to give her a big hug. “Gosh it’s so good to see you. How are you? Does bossman knows you’re here? He’s gonna be so happy!”

“Babygirl, give her a break.” Morgan said walking past her and welcomed his friend. “Welcome back, ninja.”

“I’ve missed you so much, guys.”

“We’ve missed you too, Y/N.” JJ said while hugging Y/N, followed by Reid.

“Ciao, bella. Come stai?” Rossi welcomed her with a double kiss on the cheek and a cup of hot coffee. “Ecco il tuo caffè.”

Y/N happily took the mug and had a sip. It wasn’t the best coffee she had ever drunk but it was certainly better than the one she had during her mission oversea. “Grazie, Dave. Ne avevo davvero bisogno.”

“Guys, English please.” Morgan complained knowing that if didn’t get stopped Dave and Y/N would’ve started having an entire conversation in Italian and to him it was annoying. The team laughed at his tantrum and returned their attention to Y/N.

“So, how was the desert?” Garcia asked curious.

“Hot.” Y/N joked “Tell me about you, guys. What did I miss?”

“Nothing new. Catching the bad guys here and there.” JJ replied.

Being too caught in the moment, catching up, none of them realized that their boss walked into the bullpen. Hotch stopped in his track as he recognized the woman in front of him. He couldn’t believe she was finally here, he dreamed about this moment for weeks. Like a teenager, he felt the heart leaving his chest at the happiness of having her back.

“Y/N” he said her name in a whisper and as Y/N heard herself getting called from behind, she turned in the direction of that voice and saw that Hotch was standing there with a mixed look of surprise and shock.

“Surprise” she greeted him with a wide smile.

Without wasting time, Hotch embraced her and spun her around a few times. Holding her close as he was scared that the moment he left her, she would leave again. He sniffed her hair having missed her scent over the ten months. He had missed her like crazy. It was strange waking up in the morning without having her by his side.

Once he put her down, he kept holding her close for a few moments, until he heard someone clearing their throat behind them. He had completely forgot that the team was there but couldn’t care less. Y/N was back in his arms. The team’s embarrassment could wait.

“I guess someone is very happy to see you again, Y/N.” Rossi teased, looking toward the couple, and winked to Hotch who rolled his eyes at his words.

“He had been miserable all these months.” Morgan added.

Hotch didn’t care to reply, the only thing he cared about was her. They could have said whatever they wanted, he wasn’t even listening, he was focused on her. It was like the rest of the people in the room disappeared the moment she was in his arms again.

They laughed and chatted for a little more. She enjoyed spending time with his team because she knew how much they meant to him. They were a family, and she could see it every time they hang out altogether. She recalled the first time she had met them; she was terrified they wouldn’t like her; she changed her clothes three times that night and every time Hotch reassured her it only made it worst. To her surprise though, the team was wonderful with her and soon they made her feel part of the family. Hotch and Y/N said their goodbyes and headed up to the elevators, leaving the team behind.

The ride to her house was silent, Hotch was holding her hand and caressing her thumb as the anticipation was growing in both of them. To him it still felt unreal that she was there in his car. He would never admit to his team and especially to Rossi, but they were right; the past ten months had been torture for him, not knowing how she was or if something had happened to her made him miserable.

Arriving at her house, he parked the car in her driveway and walked her to the door after he helped her taking all the bags in the trunk. Once she unlocked the door and entered the house, she left the bags on the ground and turned to Hotch who was standing hesitant on the doorway.

“Are you not coming in?” Y/N questioned him with furrowed eyebrows.

“You need to rest. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He offered and turned to leave.

“Aaron” Y/N called after him and get his attention back “Stay. Please. I want you to stay. I’ve missed you and I don’t wanna wait until tomorrow.”

“You sure?”

She smiled and nodded slightly. He walked slowly back to her and grabbed her face between his hands resting his lips on hers. She held him tighter to her by his t-shirt and they kissed there on the doorway for several moments until air became a need.

They enter the house and once Hotch closed the door, he was on her again and she jumped on him, wrapping her legs around his waist. Their lips connected again, and she ran her hands through his hair pulling a little making him groaned in the kiss. He quickly carried her to the bedroom never breaking the kiss.

Standing in front of each other, Hotch slowly started getting rid of her t-shirt. Their lips reconnected quickly but in a more passionate way, taking their time to taste each other. She opened her mouth leaving him the control, her head was resting between his strong hands as her hands were traveling along his back.

Hotch kept kissing her slow and passionate but deep down he was eager to devore her. He didn’t get the chance to do it for too long and even thought they became experts in phone sex, it wasn’t quite the same. He needed to feel her close, to smell her soft skin and take his time to kiss every inch of her body.

His hands left her face and found her belt, that he got rid of in a mere of time throwing somewhere on the floor. She followed every move he was making waiting patiently for him to take her. She was craving his touch more than she could ever imagine. She missed the feeling of his rough, yet gentle, hands on her skin, it always made her feel like she was burning inside from excitement.

Y/N took off her pants, sat on the bed and pushed Hotch to her pulling him by his belt. She started to unbuckle it, looking straight into his eyes. Hotch smiled and caressed her cheek. His look was full of desire and lust, he was almost begging her to hurry up since she was going purposely slow. His cock was starting to feel tight in his jeans. He quickly got rid of his jeans and t-shirt as soon as she finished, standing in front of her just in his boxers.

She could see the outline of his cock and reflexively bite her lower lip. Y/N wanted to taste him right there, he was in the perfect position and went to grab his boxers to free him but was stopped by his strong hands who grabbed firmly her wrists. Hotch knew what she wanted to do, he'd lie if he said he didn't want it too, but he had other plans.

“Later. Now lay back.” He demanded.

She did what she was told, not without a bit of disappointment. As she saw Hotch getting on his knees between her legs, a shiver went through her spine and groaned at the anticipation, he smiled at the effect he had on her. Even after ten months, the desire never faded away, it only increased. And he was ready and determinate to make up for the lost time.

Hotch grabbed the sides of her panties and slid them down her legs, agonizingly slowly and threw them somewhere across the room. And pushed her legs as far apart as he could, making her gasp at the sudden move. He placed a soft kiss on her hip, going further down to kiss the space of skin where the thigh met the hip and groaned.

“Please, Aaron” she pleaded, squirming a little under his kiss.

“Please what, baby?” Hotch asked mischievously, caressing her leg with his fingertips.

“Eat me!”

Hotch smirked and without wasting more time, his mouth started to devour her pussy moaning at the way she tasted. The vibration sent a jolt through her body and made her squirmed under him. He was savoring her like a starved man, and he was so good with his mouth that she never wanted him to stop.

“Oh God!” Y/N moaned loudly, as she felt pleasure filling her body. Her hand was, once again, in his hair pulling a little. He groaned at the feeling and that only increased her pleasure.

He knew she was close; he could feel it and couldn’t wait for her to cum and finally get to taste her again after so long. As he took a breath, one of his hands found her entrance and felt how wet she was, making her groaned more.

“Please don’t stop.” She whimpered.

At her surprise, Hotch pushed two fingers inside her, leaving her out of breath. He started moving them back and forth with a fast pace. Her orgasms kept building in her stomach as he maintained the pace.

“Yes, like that!”

Immediately, his lips were on her; his tongue was moving around her clit, sucking hard. His tick fingers were deeper in her. The combo was enough to send her over the edge as a strong wave of pleasure hit her.

“Oh shit! Aaron!” she came hard on his mouth as he kept tasting her. Hotch rode her orgasm never stopping his movements and in a mere of seconds she cum for the second time that night, arching her back.

“Fuck!” she groaned loudly.

Hotch smirked at the view and pulled out his fingers from her to get up and admire more of her. She hissed at the loss of contact. As she recovered from coming down form her high, they locked eyes and smiled to each other.

“Mmm.” He groaned as he pushed his fingers into his mouth “You taste so good, baby.”

Without losing her gaze, Hotch slowly slipped out of his boxers giving her a small show. She watched him with look that he knew all too well; lust and craving were in her eyes as she bit her lower lip while observing him. Hotch climbed over her, as Y/N positioned herself in the middle of the bed.

“Hi, Mr. Hotchner.”

“Hi, Ms. Y/L/N.” he bent to capture her lips so she could taste herself on him. “I’m not done with you.”

“I hope so.” She whispered smirking against his lips and felt him hardening against her. She smiled at the effect she had on him. Taking advantage of the distraction and with her legs around his waist, Y/N pushed Hotch on the mattress, ending up on top of him. He was taken by surprise but didn’t complain, he loved when she was in control.

Hotch smirked at her and pulled Y/N in a hot and wet kiss, keeping her head firmly between his hands. Her body react to that kiss as she felt a shiver along her spine, making her wetter by the second. Hotch’s hands were caressing her thighs, as she slowly got her bra undone freeing her breasts. His eyes went wide at the view, lust and desire filled his body and she could feel the effect under her.

“I need you” Hotch whispered. Y/N lifted a little for a better access and his cock slid easily inside her as wet as she was. They groaned in unison at the feeling. As he was deep inside her, she paused for a moment hesitant to move since it has been a while. He seemed to understand and gave her an empathetic smile.

“Take your time, baby.” he reassured her softly, and she nodded.

She bent over to give him a tender kiss as his hand tangled in her hair. Y/N started rocking her hips on him slowly, agonizingly slowly, making both moaning in the kiss. She moved like that for a few minutes to adjust again to his thick size.

“Oh God” she whimpered.

For him it wasn’t different. He groaned at every move she made. Her inner muscles were tightening around him, making him groan out of pleasure. Soon he started moving up, meeting her thrusts midway. The only things that could’ve been heard in the room was their skin slapping onto each other, the groans and the heavy breaths.

Y/N stood up to face him and started moving faster on him, taking him every time deeper. She felt her orgasm starting to build in her stomach. As he read her mind, Hotch’s quickly found its way between her legs meeting her clit and started moving his fingers in circle faster and faster.

“Don’t stop, Hotch!” she moaned loudly. He let out a low groan knowing she was close and moved faster.

“Cum for me, baby” he urged rubbing her clit, begging for her release.

Y/N pushed back on him a few more time before a strong wave of pleasure hit her hard. She loved how well he knew her body, how he could make her cum so effortlessly. He always knew how to move with her to give her the pleasure she deserved.

“Oh wow!” she whispered coming down from her orgasm, trying to catch her breath. For his point of view, Hotch took a moment to admire her. She was always beautiful in his eyes but the way she looked post an orgasm always drove him crazy and made him want to give her more pleasure.

She captured his lips once again and Hotch took the chance to roll them over again, making her gulped. He covered her body with his as he remained inside her. He kissed her one more time as his hand traveled along her body and meet her left breast. Hotch cupped it and begging to massage it carefully, stroking her nipple with his thumb. She moaned at the feeling, craving for more.

He went kissing down her neck, on her soft spot. He continued his way down her body, leaving wet kisses all over her chest. As he kept playing with one nipple, he took the other into his mouth making her groaned. He played with both her breasts while her hands were scratching him a little on his back.

“A-Aaron” she moaned softly.

“What do you want?”

“You” she urged. He smirked and stood between her legs. Hotch took his cock and begun sliding it over her entrance. He wanted nothing more than have her right there. He entered her slowly wanting to let her feel every inch of him. They both groaned and he gave her a very little time to adjust and started thrusting deep inside her, increasing the pace every time more.

“Fuck, baby.” Hotch groaned “I’ve missed you so much.”

As she felt the familiar feeling in her stomach, a shiver went through all her body. She wanted to tell him how much she had missed him too. But was too caught in the moment to even think straight, the words didn’t seem to want to come out from her mouth, just moaning and groanings.

She felt the pleasure filling her and wrapped her legs around him to pull him closer and deeper. She was close and he could feel it by the way she was clenching around him. He pounded into her with everything he had while one hand reached for her clit and started rubbing it again in circles, making her squirm under him.

“Oh yes!” Y/N cried out loud as she came hard again. Hotch slowed down his pace enjoying the view of his lover and give her time to recover. Out of breath and still high, Y/N pulled him over her and kissed him deeply holding his head between her hands.

“I’ve missed you too, honey.” She whispered against his lips, and he smiled. His hand was traveling up and down her side with the fingertips brushing her skin. Y/N’s hands were tangled in his hair pulling them a little and making him groaned.

The open mouth wet kisses all over her chest were increasing her desire. His gentle touch was sending jolts to her core as he wrapped the legs tighter around him. He knew she wanted more but he took his time to feel every inch of her soft skin under him. After so many months they really felt connected again, there wasn’t a display between them anymore. It was just them now.

Suddenly, he thrusts hard into her, making her gasped. Before she had time to react, Hotch started moving deliciously slow as he felt her muscles tightening around him every time more.

“Please make me cum, Hotch.”

She was getting closer as he went deeper. Hotch stood up and gripped forcefully her hips, pounding harder on her. He groaned loudly at the feeling of her wet and tight pussy. She was driving him crazy as much as he was driving her crazy.

“You like that, baby?”

“Oh, yes!” she moaned “You feel so good. Don’t stop.”

One of his hands found his way between them and reached for her clit one more time and he started to rub it faster and faster making her squirm under him. She arched her back at the mixed emotions that were going through her body. Pleasure, ecstasy, joy, love, pride, all provoked by the same man. No one had ever made her feel the way he did.

He groaned knowing he was close too but didn’t stop working on her.

“Cum with me, Y/N”

He slammed into her harder a few more time before he finally released himself inside her. That, combined with his fingers still rubbing her clit, was enough to send her over the edge.

“Fuck!”

“God!”

Hotch collapsed on top of her, and she wrapped her arms around him wanting to feel him as close as possible. Waiting for their breath to return to normal, Hotch left a few tender kisses down her neck while her hands were playing with his soft hair.

They stood like this for several minutes, enjoying each other’s company in the silence of the room before Hotch rolled off her and laid next to her. He opened his arm for her offering to rest her head on his chest and she happily accepted, snuggling onto him.

“It’s good to have you back” he said breaking the silence and she looked up to him with a wide smile on her face.

“It’s good to be back” Y/N assured him softly and pecked his lips.

“I love you so much.” He took a deep breath, not sure if continue but did it anyway “I was terrified of losing you. I’ve been miserable since you left and didn’t have the courage to admit it. I knew you were doing your job and couldn’t be prouder of you, but every time you leave--“

Y/N abruptly interrupted him with a deep kiss.

“I’m here now. You have nothing more to worry about.”

He smiled softly and kissed her again, cupping her cheek with his hand and caressing it a little.

“You need to sleep now.” Hotch said before kissing her forehead. She nodded slightly and fell asleep at the sound of his heartbeat. A sound she had missed and never failed to make her feel safe.

As the hours passed by, Y/N didn’t seem to find the right position to sleep. Everything seemed to distract her; the lights coming from outside were too bright, the wind, waving the leaves, was too loud. The bed was more comfortable that she remembered, she kept tossing and touring around trying to put much effort to shut her mind and fall asleep, but every attempt got wasted.

She reached for her phone on her nightstand to check the time. It was 2:30 am. She turned to face Hotch who was peacefully sleeping, snoring lightly. She scoffed at herself at the thought of how much she had missed earing that sound. It used to drive her crazy when she was trying to sleep, and now she could hear his softly snoring for hours.

Y/N watched him sleeping for quite sometimes thinking that it would’ve helped her fall asleep but didn’t seem to work. She climbed out of the bed and put on her panties and the shirt he wore and walked to the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as possible to not wake Hotch. Once there, she opted for a chamomile, hoping that it could help her. She sat on the counter waiting for the water to boil and was too caught in her thoughts that she didn’t notice a sleepy Hotch appearing in the room, wearing only his boxers.

“Can’t you sleep?” he asked softly while walking to her.

“No.” Y/N reached for his hand and offered him to stood between her legs and he happily accepted. “It’s not easy to get used to the city again. I kinda miss the desert.”

They shared a laugh before he bent to kiss her lips gently.

“I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No. I turned around and you weren’t there.” He assured her and she smiled.

Y/N captured his lips again and deepened the kiss by taking his head in her hands. He groaned in the kiss and pushed himself into her a bit more grabbing her on the hips. In a mere of seconds, the kiss became hot and desperate. Both were eager for more contact. Their wandering hands were traveling on each other’s body. She felt the heat in her body caused by his touches.

Their session was interrupted by the sudden whistling of the electric kettle, warning that the water was boiled. Hotch hadn’t even noticed the thing on the stove and looked at Y/N with a questioning look.

“I was making some chamomile.” She explained.

“I’ll make you a cup.”

“Actually, I prefer what we were doing.” she smirked at him. Hotch looked at her with a devilish smile and turned off the stove before kissing her again. She wrapped her legs around his waist to pull him closer and felt his already hardening cock against her. He quickly got rid of his t-shirt that she was wearing and assaulted her neck leaving a wet kiss on it and making her shift a little back on the counter.

“Aaron.” She moaned as he kissed down her neck and started giving attention to her breasts, taking one in his mouth, sucking hard, while massaging the other. Her head tilted back as her body was filled of pleasure and her minds was too caught in the moment to think straight.

“Oh God! I need you!” she urged as her hands pulled his hair a little to get his attention.

“What do you need, baby?” he asked, knowing full well the answer but loved to hear her saying it. She groaned annoyed but played along.

“Please. I need you to fuck me!”

No needing to be told twice, Hotch lowered his boxers just enough to free his hard cock and shifted her panties to the side. He slid his dick over entrance a few times to feel how wet she was and entered her slowly, making both of them groaning at the feeling.

“You feel so good, sweetheart.” He whimpered. He started moving right after, going deep inside her. Every thrusts were perfectly placed to give her the most pleasure possible. He knew how to move to satisfy her, and she was amazed by how well he knew her body.

“Oh God! Don’t stop!” she moaned pushing him closer to her, using her legs.

The familiar feeling in her stomach was starting to build again, her inner muscles were tightening around him. He groaned and it took all his strength not to come right away.

“God, Y/N.”

One of his hands moved to her clit and started rubbing in circle, faster and faster, adding more pleasure. With a few more deep thrusts, he sent her over the edge, making her squirm under him.

“Fuck!” she moaned loudly.

He gave her very little time to rest and without notice he slammed hard into her, making her gasped in surprise. He pounded inside her with everything he had. His hand started working on her clit again as she wrapped her legs around him pulling him closer. She knew he was close too; she could feel it from the way his other hand was tightening on her hip.

“Cum for me, Aaron.”

“Together.” He said in a low groan. A few more thrust well placed, combined with his fingers working on her, and they both were hit by a strong wave of pleasure, reaching the edge, and groaning each other’s name in unison. Hotch stopped moving to give themselves time to catch their breath before bending over Y/N and lifted her chin to kiss her lips deeply.

When they parted, he kissed her forehead and caressed her cheek with his thumb. In his eyes, she saw all his love and tenderness. She could get lost in his gaze for hours, admiring those beautiful hazel eyes.

It always amazed her how he could be so stern at work and then at home he was so gentle and loving. She understood why he built this kind of a shield; it was the job who required it, and she did the same. But she was glad that he was comfortable enough to lose it when she was with her.

Without further waiting, Hotch slipped out of her making her gasped at the loss of contact. He picked her up from the counter as she wrapped her legs around him and walked to the bedroom. He gently laid her on her side of the bed and quickly climbed behind her and covered them both with the sheets.

With her back against his chest, Hotch wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled Y/N impossibly closer to him. He could smell the scent of her vanilla shampoo and remembered how much he had missed this. Having her this close still felt like a dream even thought he knew she was there, and he planned to enjoy every second of her presence.

“You’re so much better than chamomile.” She joked and heard him laugh behind her right before he placed a tender kiss on her neck.

“Sleep now. Goodnight, baby.”

“Night. Love you.” She mumbled softly.

“I love you too. Welcome back.” She smiled as those were the last words she heard before falling asleep in his arms, feeling safe. Hotch thought how lucky he was and fall asleep a few minutes after her, smiling at the sound of her gently snoring.

[rev-wrath]

Sorry, Need You Back

Bruce Wayne x Batdad!Reader

Summary: Your second son has died. It’s taken a toll on the whole family but you need your husband to come back and be a person again.

Info: Hurt/comfort. Male Reader. 0.7k words

Notes: First image is art that can be found here.

Nothing’s really been the same. Not since he left. This isn’t something one really could get over. But it’s been over two months and things are dicey, so you’ve got to get your priorities in order.

You slam a hand down on to the desk. “Up.” Bruce grunts, looking over at you before his gaze goes back to his work. “Get. Up.”

“I have work to do.”

“You have a life to live. And you’re sure as hell not doing that down here. Or out there.” You jerk your head in the direction of the Batman suit.

“I’m living plenty.” Really, he’s just surviving in some odd way. Existing almost purely as Batman and hardly doing much outside of that, even including eating and sleeping. You’re not sure the last time you saw him eat something that wasn’t a granola bar, bits of fruit or part of a sandwich.

“Bruce, I know you’re hurt. I know you’re grieving. I am too. But this is not the way to do it.”

“I can’t make that mistake again.”

“It was not your fault, Bruce. If it’s your fault it’s mine too. He’s…” You hesitate, not sure if you even should use present tense anymore. But in the end Jason will always be your son. “he’s my son too. I should have paid more attention to him, never let him go, much less by himself. I should have gone with you.”

“You’re not like me.” He argues.

“I can fight too, I have. I will again.” You don’t say that you will again if you have to, just that you will. You’re smarter than that. You know how things work.

“I know, but you’re not doing it every night.”

“I’m not.” You would if you had to though. “But I know you can’t keep doing this. I feel like I’m losing you.” He’s not the same, you don’t blame him. There’s been little differences about you too. Like the way you keep Dick closer, in a way you haven’t in a long time. If someone asked him though, Dick would say this is way more than that. After all, it’s not every day you lose a son.

Bruce though? Bruce is angry and withdrawn in a way that you’ve never seen. It worries you. It’s part of the reason why you’ve been tightly holding every bit of you together. One of you has to. Bless Alfred but some things aren’t meant to fall on just him, or him at all.

“I’ve already buried one of my sons. I don’t want to have to bury my husband too.” The way Bruce is going, someone else is more likely to bury their husband than you. Still, your husband is wasting away in front of you, like he’s intent on burying himself in some way.

That must have hit him because it’s only then that he softens and looks at you. “You won’t. I won’t have another son buried, I won’t have me buried and I won’t have you buried. But that means I have to get better.” His gaze returns to his work.

“You’re not getting better. You’re destroying yourself” Grabbing his chair you spin him towards you before cupping his face. “You’re exhausted.” His eyes would look dead if not for the ever present fire in them. Dimly lit under the weight of his world. “This isn’t helping.”

“I just need to be better.” He places his hand on top of yours but doesn’t move it. Instead he curls his fingers around it. “Figure out how to maximize everything. Be more efficient. Get more eyes and ears in places.”

“Rest.” Though you say it softly the word is firm. As unmoving and unwavering as you are. Though when the silence stretches on for too long you say, “Please. You need it, and I need you.”

He exhales. “Okay.”

“Come on, get up. We’re going to sit out on the terrace, have a meal, and get some sun.”

Bruce’s hand falls into your own as you lead him upstairs. Later he will hold you and tell you how it was never your fault, that you did the best you could here, in Gotham, at home. How you continue to do the best you could and he was so very grateful for you then convince you to rest a little yourself. Perhaps Alfred would find the two of you tucked into each other in a sitting room in the evening and a little tension would leave him as you two were beginning to come back to yourselves, to each other.

[her-power]

Last Chance to Dance (Part Three: Rockstar! e.m. x fem reader)

🚨🛑🔞18+++ MINORS DNI - YOU WILL BLOCKED🚨🛑🔞 TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNING (For entire series): Rockstar! Addict! Sweet! Mean! Eddie, smut, unprotected p+v, fluff, fingering (f receiving), masturbation, oral (m+f receiving), heavy drug use, descriptions of IV drug use, swearing, talks of anxiety, panic disorder, mental illness, talks of suicide

Eddie Munson Masterlist

Last Chance to Dance Part One Part Two

Summary: Full Summary on Part One

Word Count: 4.9k

I feel your hands on my waist before I open my eyes, your fingers trace a line down my abdomen, stopping above my pelvis. I let out a soft gasp and smile into the pillow. I feel your lips graze against my shoulder, leaving soft kisses. I feel you press your breasts against my back and your hand slinks down, grasping my length in your hand, gently fisting up and down. A soft moan escapes me, and your lips press against my neck. Your hands are soft, delicate and you pump me faster. I groan, turning my face to you, pressing my lips to yours. I turn on to my back, holding your face in my hand to deepen the kiss. 

“Mmmm.” I moan against your lips. “What a way to wake up.” 

You smile at me, pushing your body into mine. I hook your leg around my waist, kissing you deep. You continue to pump me with your hand while grinding against me; I can feel the wetness between your legs. I move myself on top of you; bringing your nipple into my mouth, squeezing your breasts and you moan softly. I grip your ass, kissing you deeply and I rub my hand against your clit and your opening. I groan loudly and push my cock inside you. You let out a gasp and I smile against your lips. It had been like this since yesterday; the snowstorm had finally let up this morning, but the plows had yet to come down the streets. I planned on shoveling out your car, but ever since we made love, we haven’t been able to stop. It was Christmas Eve, and I don’t think I’ve been sober for a holiday in ten years. I feel a small ache in my chest, and I pull away from your lips for a second to look at you. Your fingers curl through my hair, and I run my hand along your face, your jaw. I slowly rock my hips and your head falls back in pleasure; I continue to stare at you. How could this be real? How was it possible that fifteen years later we had found each other again? Over a letter? My eyes flutter close, and I bury my face in your shoulder, thrusting faster, you feel so good. 

I remember us back then, how young we were, full of life. There was so much passion, even when we fought. It was always the little things we fought about, how you knew how to get under my skin, and I knew exactly what buttons to push.  We had left Steve’s house after a house party. Well, you had left, because I was an asshole, and I had chased after you. It was pouring out. It was the middle of summer, but the rain was cold. 

“Baby, come on! I’m sorry!” I chase after you, stumbling over my own feet because I’m a little drunk. You’re drunk too, but you know how to handle yourself because you are a fucking champ. 

“You’re sorry.” You scoff, you’re picking up speed. “Sorry, sorry, sorry. You’re always fucking sorry!” 

“Stop, stop, stop.” I’m able to catch up with you and stop in front of you. The rain soaks the both of us, your black dress stuck to your skin, I could tell you were shivering. “You’re shivering, come on. Let’s go home.” 

“I’m not going home with you; I’d rather sleep outside.” You push past me, and I groan. 

“You’re seriously making a big deal out of nothing.” 

“Nothing?!” You turn towards me so fast it startles me, and I stumble backwards. “You told Steve that I’m a better fuck when I’m high!” 

“Baby, I was kidding!” I say, trying not to laugh. “It was a stupid joke. I didn’t mean it, I meant to tell him when you’re high, you get wild. And the sex is great—"

“Oh, because that makes it better! Get away from me.” You scoff, shoving me away. “I know he’s our best friend, but it would be nice if you kept our sex life private, that shits embarrassing.” 

I’m getting annoyed now, I was wet, cold, I felt like a drowned fucking rat. “Oh, but it’s okay for you to tell Robin I like getting fingered in the ass?” 

You stop walking and turn towards me. “She wasn’t supposed to say anything, and I was drunk when I told her that.” 

“I’m drunk now!” I almost laugh. “Baby, do you hear yourself? This is so stupid.” 

“You told Steve I was better at fucking when I was under the influence! That is not the fucking same! That’s YOU saying that I’m boring when I’m sober. That’s fucked up.” Your wet hair is sticking to your face, the rain is getting heavier, and I can see how cold you are. I’m able to grip your upper arms and you tense under my touch. 

“Sweetheart, you are the girl of my fucking dreams. Sober, not sober, you rock my fucking world.” You stare at me, your eyes darting from my eyes to my mouth. You lean in like you’re about to kiss me. 

“Liar.” You whisper under your breath and pull yourself out of my grip, turning away from me. I roll my eyes and groan. You’re walking faster away from me but still talking. “You can’t get shit past me. I may be fucking you now, but I’ve been your best friend since diapers, so I know when you’re full of shit.” 

“So, this is just what we’re doing? Just fucking? Nothing else?” I’m angry now, how dare you think that. 

You turn towards me, walking backwards. “I don’t know, you tell me Eddie. I feel like you have a fucking magnet to my vagina everytime you see me since we started having sex! I feel like that’s all you want from me.” 

“That’s not all I want from you, are you being serious right now?” I stare at you with my mouth open. “You’ve known me your whole life and you think it’s just the sex for me?” 

“What else could it be?” You sneer at me, and I shake my head, I’m pissed now. 

“Fine, think that. I’m not fucking stopping you.” Thunder booms in the distance and you storm away from me. We go opposite directions; you head towards your house, and I go to my trailer. Wayne was working another overnight and I was grateful I didn’t have to have a conversation. The rain was hard against my face as I run the few steps to the trailer. I run inside, the screen door slamming behind me. I pull my wet t-shirt over my head and toss it towards my room and light up a cigarette. My hair drips onto my skin and I grab a towel, squeezing out the wetness from my curls. The cigarette dangles from my lips and I almost choke on the smoke when I hear the screen door open and close, and you’re standing there, soaking from head to toe; your hair all over your face, your skin damp. You’re glowering at me, your chest heaving like you ran here. I put out the cigarette in the sink as we stare at each other. I walk towards you slowly and your eyes are still fixed on me like a wild animal. I grip your upper arms, and you try to move away from me, but I hold you in place. My mouth is inches from yours, and you sneer at me. 

“I really can’t stand you.” 

“Then why are you here?” I whisper to you; I tease my lips over yours and you groan. You pull me towards you by my hair, and we end up crashing into the kitchen counter. I hoist you up by your thighs and you kiss me desperately, wrapping your legs around me tight. You pull away from me again and are still glowering at me. 

“I really hate you.” 

“Yeah? Why don’t you show me how much you hate me?” I crash my lips against yours again, and your hands find my waist, pulling me closer. My hands go in between your legs, and you moan loudly. I push your underwear to the side; they were soaked from the rain and from you. You push me away by my chest, your hands in a hurry to undo my belt. I lean my palms against the cabinets next to your head, watching as you unzip me and pull down my pants, exposing my hardness. You kiss me again, pulling me towards you by my ass. I can see your nipples through the wet fabric of your dress, they peaked so nicely, I lean down and nip them through the fabric. You gasp and hold the back of my head, my fingers tickle your clit, and you moan against me, grabbing my dick. I scoot you towards me, holding your face in my hand. Your head falls back as I push myself inside you, and I groan. I fuck you against the cabinets, feeling every inch of your walls and feel your fingers claw my back. 

“I hate you.” You moan. “Fuck-I…” 

“Ungh, you feel so fucking good. Hate me all you want, baby, you’re not stopping me.” I moan when you grab my ass, pushing me deeper. You kiss me hungrily, opening your mouth wide, fighting my tongue with yours. I slam into you harder, your body thumps against the cabinet. “Mmmmm, like that baby?” 

“Fuck…yes…ohhhhh…” you bite my shoulder and I gasp, rolling my hips faster. The squelching of your wetness and the sounds of my balls hitting your cunt as I slam harder sends a blaze of euphoria through my entire soul. 

“Ohhh, fuck. Oh fuck. I’m gonna cum.” I groan against your shoulder, and I feel you move your hips with me. “Fuck yeah baby, just like that…unghhhh.” 

“Cum inside me, baby. I want my pussy to swallow you whole.” You say, staring deep into my eyes. I smile at you, my thrusts getting sloppy and I feel your pussy clench around my cock and you’re screaming. And I mean SCREAMING my fucking name and it sends me into a fucking spiral of madness and lust that I explode my entire load into your pussy, still fucking you. Not stopping for breath, your nails cut up my back as another orgasm cries out of you and you’re holding on to me while I hug your waist tightly. Our sounds loud and pornographic and it feels like the entire trailer is shaking. I pull myself back to look at you, moving your wet hair from your eyes. Your lips are parted as your breath comes out in waves. I hold your chin with my fingers, gently grazing my lips over yours.   

“Do you still hate me?” I whisper. 

“Always.” You say, licking my lips. 

I groan, smiling. “Good.” 

Down, down, down… I can hear them outside my door listening. They think I can’t hear them but I’m smarter than them. They’re trying to taunt me. They’re trying to break inside my head and feast on my brain. 

Both my arms sting as I crawl on my hands and knees underneath the windows. 

They try to mock your voice, getting me to open the door. You wouldn’t be here. You don’t even know where I live. What would you think of me right now? I wonder. Crawling on all fours, hiding from these imaginary creatures that are trying to feast on me. 

It’s not real. 

I’m not real, so they’re not real. 

We have two weeks off before we hit the last five cities of the tour. I’m in my cabin, in upstate New York. 

I bet these creatures followed me from the woods after my walk. 

What if Gareth sent these things? He hates me now, I’m just a junkie in his eyes, who still knows how to put on a good show so he can suck my dick. 

I had met my dealer yesterday; I was low on cash, he was willing to give me a discount if he could suck me off, so I let him, and then he wanted me to fuck him, so I did that too. 

Men, women, it didn’t matter anymore. If I got something out of it, I didn’t care what I put my dick in. 

They’re chatting outside my door now. I need to stop the noise. I crawl to my coffee table, blindly searching for a needle. 

I find one, and my stash, loading up the chamber with the drugs. I go to the bathroom to look in the mirror, my veins in both my arms are fucking sore, so I find a good one in my neck. My eyes flutter close, and I smile, awkwardly stumbling back to my living room. I couldn’t even feel the sweet burn anymore, it was almost like the burn was just built into my now. 

I sit on the couch. 

It’s quiet again. 

Thankfully.

I can’t handle the noise again. 

“Generals gathered in their masses…just like witches at black masses, evil minds that plot destruction…” I sing the beginning of War Pigs by Black Sabbath under my breath as my head lulls back against the couch. My phone buzzes in my pocket; I slowly take it out of my pocket and put it to my ear. 

“Eddie?” It was Ted.

“Did I miss curfew again?” I say and a stupid laugh escapes me.

“Jesus Eddie.” He says quietly. “Are you by yourself?”

“Nope, they’re outside my door. I think they’re asleep, they’re quiet now.” I tell him, curling my legs up to my chest.

“Who? What are you talking about?”

“I think Gareth sent them; they think I can’t hear them.” 

“Eddie, I’m coming to you. I’ll be there in an hour.” He says, he sounds panicked, then I begin to panic.

“No! Teddy! If they see you, they’ll hurt you! I can’t let them hurt you.” I feel tears spring to my eyes. “Please, man. I can’t lose you too.” 

“Just stay put, buddy. I’ll be there soon.” 

“Okay, okay.” I nod into the phone, and he hangs up. Part of me knew that whatever those things were weren’t real, and it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but they felt real to me. I know I didn’t just do heroin tonight; I think ketamine too. Cocaine? I had to protect Ted; he has done so much for me. I get up from the couch, taking the metal baseball bat I keep near my door. I swing open my front door, the hinges squeaking, and I stare out into the darkness of the woods. “Come on mother fuckers!” I yell out. “Think you can fuck with me?!”

I hear my voice echo around me, and all that talks back is the silence. I laugh, twirling the bat in my hands. “That’s what I thought, pussies!” 

I hear something skitter on the grass in front of my porch and I yelp, falling back on my ass, the bat rolling away from me. I scramble to my feet and run back in the cabin, shutting the door and locking it. I slide down to the floor, pulling my knees up to my chest, I keep my eyes on the window, I have to look for Ted’s headlights, to make sure I can get him in safely. They weren’t gonna hurt him, I’d rather die than have something hurt him. 

I see the headlights reflect off the window, and I quickly stand up. I hear his footfalls go up the wooden steps of the porch and I open the door. “Get in, get in!” I say, grabbing his arm and pulling him in, he stumbles into my living room. 

“Eddie, what the fuck?” He says, staring at me with wide eyes. 

I turn to him, and I whisper. “They’re out there.” 

“Eddie, there’s no one out there.” He tells me gently. 

“There is, there is.” My eyes are wide, I can feel it. I can also feel my tears on my cheeks. “They live in the woods.” 

Ted grasps me by my forearms. “I think…I think you’re gonna have to take it easy the next few days.” 

I stare at him, and nod. “Yeah…yeah, I need to rest. I need to…I feel like I’m going insane. They’re not out there?” 

“No, son.” He tells me quietly. “Where is your stuff?” 

“B-back bedroom and there.” I tell him, pointing to the coffee table where my needles were, my empty bag of drugs, and a few loose pills. He takes everything off the table, and I shiver, watching him walk away. “Where are you going?” My voice sounds younger, childlike.

“I’ll be right back, buddy. Just sit down. I’ll fix us something to eat.” I nod at him again and sit on my couch. Was this what my life was now? Constant paranoia, fearful of what walks outside. I look down at my arms, even with all my tattoos, you could see how black and blue my arms were. The track marks went all the way up towards my wrists, my arms looked skeletal. When was the last time I ate? 

Did people really still enjoy our shows? How could they not tell how fucked up I was every show? We were still up on the charts; Rolling Stone wanted another interview after the tour. 

I run my hands through my hair and shiver. This was madness. I was a fucking madman. 

The next morning, I wake up, feeling an ache in my stomach. No no no no. I try to move from the couch but every single muscle in my body feels stiff. I groan loudly, was I dying? Was this death? 

I look at the coffee table, none of my stash was there. I grit my teeth, trying to sit up. 

“Ted!” I yell, my throat was raw. 

I see his form come into the living room; his hair was tied up in a bun. I try to sit up but a wave of a nausea hits me. 

“You’re finally awake.” He says, putting a mug of coffee in front of me. The smell alone makes me dry heave. 

“What?” I hold my stomach, and grimace. “Fuck why is it so cold in here?” 

“You’ve been sleeping for two days.” Ted tells me and my eyes snap to his. Realization hits my gut, and I start to remember a few days ago. I told him to get rid of my stuff, that I needed a rest. 

No. No. No. No. 

“Where did you put it?” I ask, my teeth grind as it feels like my stomach is being clawed at. 

“It’s gone, Eddie. I did what you asked me to do.” He stares at me, and my eyes narrow. 

“Well, I was fucking lying!” I groan out in pain, my body folds back on the couch. “FUCK. This hurts, Teddy this hurts so bad.” I feel sweat pool behind my neck and my joints feel locked in place. “I need it, man. It’s the only thing that will make this pain stop.” 

“It’s gone, Eddie. I’m sorry.” He tells me, leaning back in his seat. 

“Fuck you!” I growl and tears spring to my eyes. “Why did you come here?!” 

“Because you were fucking losing it!” He yells at me. “Saying there were these things outside, taunting you, that Gareth sent them. Eddie, you’re rotting your brain with this shit!” 

A painful groan and sob escape me, and I gag. He brings a large cooking pot over to me and I vomit into it. My insides felt like they were on fire, nothing I did was making me comfortable. I clench my fingers against my stomach, my body was trembling. 

“I’ll give you Motrin for the pain.” 

“Fuck that!” I scream at him. “Ughhhhhhh. Fuck. Teddy, please, please I need something stronger.” 

“No.” He says, no emotion in his tone. 

I grit my teeth. “Fuuuuck you! Please, please man. I just need it to stop.” 

He leans back in the chair, lighting up a cigarette, just watching me. I wanted to fly off that couch and strangle him, but everything hurt. I was stuck there. 

I had passed out, the pain getting to be too much. I had taking off my clothes in the middle of the night and was just in my boxers. Ted was sitting in the recliner chair; some stupid fucking show was on the television. I had slid off the couch on my hands and knees, grunting as I crawled towards him. “I need…the fucking drugs, Teddy.” My voice is hoarse, and my muscles feel stiff. My head pushes against his thigh and he holds me back by my shoulders. I groan angrily; my palms were sweating as I tried to force my way through him. Tears pool from my eyes as another wave of pain hits my joints. 

“Please.” I sob. “I’ll do anything…I just want this pain to stop.” I feel his eyes on me, and I gaze up at him. 

He holds my face in his hands. “No.” 

I collapse onto my back, my chest heaving with sobs. “Fuck you, man. Why are you doing this to me?” He doesn’t respond. “Answer me!!!” 

I don’t even know what day it is. 

But I want to die. I want these withdrawals to take me out. I almost shit myself tonight. Ted had to drag me to the bathtub. I couldn’t stop crying; it was too much. 

I think I was saying your name in my sleep. Ted kept asking me who you were, and I finally said, “the girl that I loved and lost.” He said he never remembers me ever talking about you, and I tell him that it hurts too much to talk about. 

The shaking has stopped, my bones don’t feel like they’re breaking anymore. I still want to die, I’m feeling everything. 

“Get up. Take a shower.” Ted tells me, nudging my shoulder. I turn away from him, curling my legs up to my chest. “Eddie. Get. Up.” He shakes my arm again; I slap his arm away. 

“Get the fuck away from me.” I grumble. 

“You’re acting like a child. Get up, man.” He says, sighing loudly. I don’t answer him, and before I know it, he’s throwing me over his shoulder. I’m kicking and screaming all the way to the bathroom. I’m surprised he can carry me. Well, I’m sure I don’t weigh much. He plops me down in the shower and turns it on, the water bites my skin and I scream at him. 

“You’re a fucking asshole!” I scream at him, trying to get out, but the warm water against my skin feels good and I stop. 

“Clean yourself up. You’re starting to stink.” He tells me, throwing a washcloth at me. 

“I could fire your ass, you know.” I snap at him, standing under the stream, my hair soaking. “Are you gonna stand there and watch me like I’m a fucking mental patient? Get out of here.” 

“Fire me all you want, I’m not leaving.” He says, closing the shower curtain and I hear him sit on the lid of the toilet. 

“Stubborn prick.” I grumble, squirting shampoo onto my hand and putting it through my hair. I could feel how gross and greasy my hair was, it felt stiff. 

“I may be a stubborn prick, but you should feel lucky that I’m here.” 

“Yeah, so lucky.” I scoff. “Once we’re back on the road I will find a way to get high again.” 

“Okay, that’s your choice.” He sounds like he’s flipping through the magazine. 

“Yeah, it is my choice. This wasn’t.” I peak my head behind the curtain to glare at him. 

“You told me you needed a rest. Probably a good thing, wouldn’t want you worrying about little creatures crawling into your bed at night.” He says, meeting my eyes and smirking. 

“Oh, fuck you.” I close the curtain forcefully, washing my body until it was raw. I’m able to actually look at my arms. They were scabbed over; the bruises had a yellow tint to them. 

“Who’s the girl?” Ted asks me. 

“What?” I wipe the soap from my eyes. 

“The girl you’ve been moaning about in your sleep.” 

I pause. I feel my stomach clench and my heart ache, I let the shower rinse the shampoo from my hair. “No one.” I snap. 

“Doesn’t sound like no one.” He says, and I hear him light up a cigarette. 

I sigh. “Someone I knew, back in Hawkins.” 

“Girlfriend?” 

It takes me a minute to answer him. “More than that.” I mutter. 

“What happened?” 

“Jesus, Ted. I don’t want to talk about it.” I turn off the shower and open the curtain, squeezing the water out of my hair. “Hand me a towel.” 

“Say the magic words.” I hear the arrogance in his voice. 

“Hand me a fucking towel, please.” 

He pulls a towel off the hook and throws it at me. I dry myself off, wrapping the towel around my waist and I walk towards the adjoining bedroom. I toss on a long-sleeved t-shirt and pull on a pair of dark jeans. It was early spring, but up here, it still felt like winter. I throw on some thick socks and take my cigarettes off my dresser. The smell of bacon hits my nostrils and my stomach rumbles painfully. I really don’t remember when the last time I ate was. I walk to the kitchen, seeing Ted with a dish towel over his shoulder, and plates of bacon, sausage. He was making eggs now. 

There was coffee in the pot, I move past him to grab a mug and pour myself a cup. I poured half the sugar into the mug; I still felt shitty, but the shower had helped some. 

I sit down at the table, lighting up a cigarette, pulling my leg up to my chest. The Eagles played softly on the radio, and I close my eyes, inhaling on the cigarette. I jump when Ted places the plate in front of me and I glare at him. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, was that too loud?” He asks me sarcastically. “Why don’t you stop glowering at me and eat the damn food.” 

I scoff, sipping my coffee and biting into my meal. The taste and aroma of the breakfast fills all my senses and I have to control myself from shoving all of it into my gullet. 

Fuck. 

I forgot he could cook. 

I mean, breakfast was easy to cook but he used to be a chef so, he puts his own twist on it. I was full once I was done, and Ted had given me two Motrin which I reluctantly took. The rest of the day went by surprisingly smoothly, I had written a few songs with the acoustic while Ted sat in the recliner chair, watching his dumb television show. 

I decided to fuck with him the following day, to pass the time. I had some coins in my pocket, his opened coke can was in the cup holder next to him. I put the coin in between my two fingers and lined it up just right, launching the coin right into the mouth of the can. It splashed a little on him and he glares at me. 

“Lucky shot.” 

I take another coin, and the same thing happens, I smile at him. He shakes the soda drippings off his hand. 

“Don’t fuck with me, kid.” He grumbles and I launch another coin into the can, and I laugh. He throws his shoe at me, and I laugh louder. I’m able to get a smirk out of him, and we go back to sharing the comfortable silence. 

Evening approaches, and he had made us some steaks on the grill. It was a warm night, so we sat out on the back porch, the fire pit going as we smoked cigarettes. I lean back in my seat, staring up at the stars. My body still hurt, but this was the first time in a long time I felt content. 

“The girl you heard me talking about was my first love.” I tell him quietly. “And my only love.” 

“What happened?” He asks me gently, inhaling on his cigarette. 

“I happened. Well, my stupidity happened.” I sigh, letting the smoke billow from my nostrils. “We grew up together, did everything together. Her dad had died when she was a baby, her mom was a drunk. My mom was dead, and my dad was in jail, so we only had each other. And Wayne. Wayne made sure we were taken care of the best he could. We got older, and we fell in love.” I stub out the cigarette in the ashtray and I light up another. “This was a fucking insane kind of love. A lot of passion, a lot of arguing, a lot of laughing. She drove me crazy, but not as much as I drove her crazy. When I started to realize how deep my feelings were for her, I got scared. So I left.”

“Why?” He asks me. 

“I ask myself that every day, man.” I chuckle. “Doesn’t matter now. She’s probably happily married with kids somewhere. And I’m here, detoxing from heroin in a cabin in the woods.” 

“She sounds like she was one hell of girl.” Ted says with a smile. 

“Yeah, she was.” I smile back at him. 

That was the first time in a long time I felt at ease with myself. That was also the first time in a long time Ted, and I had sat down with each other and just shared comfortable silence. 

Should’ve known that I was going to fuck that all up again. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* a/n: hi! I know it's short, but I'm just preparing you for the next couple of parts. Fair warning it's...well, you'll see. *insert evil laugh here* My son is having surgery on Thursday to get tubes in his ears so I will leave you with this, and maybe about a week for the next installment, maybe sooner. Who knows?! Again, I love you guys. <3

[deathbyhertouch]

Effervescence (A Remedy for Sadness)

Lucy Dacus x f!reader

AN: Congrats to those who voted for this on my poll, I will release the other two either later this week or sometime next week.

Word Count: 1.9k

Warnings: Smut (mdni), body worship, sad start, oral (reader receiving), overstimulation, squirting, deep love, fingering, heavy fluff

Enjoy!

Your day was just awful beyond belief, work was a nightmare, you ended up getting a parking ticket on your lunch hour, and you were due to start your period in a few days so your emotions were all out of whack. You wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and hide for an eternity. On top of all that, you haven’t had so much as a moment for you and your girlfriend, Lucy. You were feeling quite a bit of low self esteem, and your bloating was just starting. As you thought it would never end, your workday ended and you could finally leave this dreadful place. 

When you got home, you saw that Lucy was nowhere to be found. You felt a pang of sadness, but you knew she wouldn’t be too far behind you. You dropped your purse and work tote onto the kitchen table before making your way to the bedroom. You changed into an oversized shirt and opted out of a pair of sleep shorts. You just about swan dived into the bed and buried yourself under the covers. You couldn’t help the heavy tears that finally leaked out of your eyes. You were in hysterics, sobbing and panting to yourself, not even noticing that Lucy came home and wandered her way into the bedroom.

“What’s wrong, lovebug?” her voice gentle, so as to not spook you. You slowly peeked your head from under the duvet to see her beautiful face in front of yours. You couldn’t help the heavy sob that escaped your lips.

“I’ve had an awful day, one you wouldn’t believe.” You began to explain to her before continuing; “and on top of all of this I feel like I haven’t been a good girlfriend to you, you deserve better.” your sobs continued on and she frowned at the statement.

“My love, I couldn’t fathom being with anyone with you. You treat me unbelievably well and I know you think you don’t but words can not express how much I adore you.” She whispered to you, pressing her soft lips all over your face. As if a lightbulb suddenly came on, her body language changed drastically. She stood up and pulled the covers back from you. You silently protested but let her continue as she took your hands in hers and pulled you into an upright sitting position.

“Luce, what are you doing?” your voice was shaky and raw from your sobs. She wiped your remaining tears with her thumbs before pressing another kiss to your lips this time.

“Well, I told you I can’t express how much you mean to me with words, so maybe I better show you.” She said, a large grin painting her face. You gave her a small smile, feeling a blush creeping up your neck. She pulled your hands until you were standing up in front of her. 

“Is that alright?” She asked, looking at you with pure awe and admiration. You nodded and she giggled. She let go of your hands and moved hers to your waist.

“I know your period is due soon and you probably feel like you look bad right now but I promise you I have never been more in love with you than I am right here, in this moment.” She told you genuinely. She sank to her knees and your breath quickened. Her hands rubbed your stomach lightly, almost enough to make you ticklish. You smiled down at her, wondering how you ever got as lucky as you did with this absolute goddess. Her hands were comforting against your searing skin, melting your stress away to nothing. You couldn’t help but let out the moan and she continued her conquest against your skin.

“You don’t see you like I see you. What I see is the love of my life, who brings me joy on my worst days, who never fails to see the beauty in me when I am feeling like you are now.” Her words made you start sobbing all over again, only this time you were smiling and feeling truly appreciated for who you are. 

Your tears didn’t last long however as her soft hands made their way up to your chest, your shirt moving up with them.

“My darling girl. You are so beautiful and so special to me, I wish I could make you believe me.” Her words a whisper against your skin. She kissed your stomach and upwards towards your now exposed breasts. Her trail of kisses ended as she wrapped her rouge lips around your taught nipple. Your head fell backwards at the touch of her mouth. Her tongue swirled around and around your hardened bud and she hummed, the vibrations moving like lightning up your body. Your hands found their way to her cheeks and you tugged gently, pulling her face up to yours. Your lips met in a feverish kiss and she wrapped her arms around your waist, eliciting a moan to escape. 

She took the lead, gently guiding you backwards until your legs met the mattress. She sat you down and broke the kiss. You whined at the loss of contact, chasing her mouth as she pulled back. Her hands pulled the shirt over your head and she looked at you with a twinkle in her eyes. You suddenly felt sheepish in front of the woman you’ve been dating seriously for years now. She had never failed to make you feel loved, so your brain didn’t understand why you suddenly felt the urge to cover yourself in front of her. 

She kissed you again, taking her time with your mouth before trailing down your neck. She left you breathless as she left wet, open-mouthed kisses in her wake. Your head lulled back and you sighed deeply, feeling nothing but bliss as your mind began to get hazy. She smiled against your skin as her mouth was back on your chest again. She used her hands to push you back so you were laying atop the mattress. She took your other nipple in more mouth, tugging lightly on the bud to get your sweet moans to come out. She rubbed her thumb over the other nipple before giving it a slight pinch. 

“Baby, p-please, touch me, make love to me, anything.” You spoke softly to her, your arousal now ever so present, pooling into your panties. She released your nipple and began her descent towards your core. She came to a stop over your clothed pussy, inhaling deeply at your scent. She smiled at the sight of the wet patch that formed on your panties. She grew closer, her nose brushing against your clit. You let out a desperate cry, begging for her to do something to you. She let out a small laugh and pressed a chaste kiss to your clit. Your hips bucked into her face and she brought her hands to your hips, holding you down, the action slowly turning you feral.

“Look at how pretty you are, sweet girl. You have made such a mess and we have barely gotten started.” Her words spoke to you like pure poetry. You let out a whine and she clicked her tongue at you, as if she were scolding a child. She pulled away completely and took your aching feet in her hands. She turned around, grabbing a bottle of lotion off the nightstand. She turned back to you before squeezing a generous amount into her hands. She rubbed it into your skin, fingers digging into the soles of your feet. You moaned at her touch, the tensions in your feet leaving your body. She worked over your skin, taking her sweet time with you, only adding to the wetness between your legs. She worked over the other foot, making sure to give it the same amount of devotion and attention as the first.

When she was done, she moved at a glacial pace up your legs, up to your core. She ran a single digit against your covered center. The sound that came deep from your throat was downright filthy. She smirked before pressing another kiss to your heat. You gasped and she pulled your panties to the side and finally gave you what you’ve been craving. She flattened her tongue against your entrance and licked a long stripe up to your clit. 

“Oh fuck, Luce.” You cried out, tears threatening to spill down your cheeks again. She latched onto your clit, humming against it. The feeling was almost too much as your orgasm was already close. You tried to bring your hands to her hair to get a grip when she pulled away and yanked your soaked underwear down your legs, haphazardly tossing them behind her. She resumed her position, lips against your pussy. You groaned, fingers digging into the sheets. 

Your orgasm came crashing over you, your sweet release finally set free at the hands of your lover. She worked you through it, her tongue working wonders against you. When you finally came back to reality, she did not let up on you.

“Baby, I-I can’t. Fuck, m’too sensitive.” You croaked, but the words fell on deaf ears. She smiled against your clit and you felt her fingers circling your entrance. She gathered your arousal on the tips of her fingers and she slipped two in, pumping and curling inside you. You let out a moan that started deep within your chest. 

“C’mon my love, be a good girl for me and give me another. I know you can.” She spoke against your center, juices dripping down her chin. She found that sweet spot inside you and her pace picked up. You were a whining mess, hips bucking into her face as your second orgasm was racing towards you. The hand that was still on your hips was holding you firmly, while her other was relentlessly pumping in and out your pussy. The squelching sound it made was enough to make you feel downright filthy. You looked into her eyes, her pupils blown and a sheer layer of sweat blessed her face. She sucked harder, coaxing your next orgasm out of you.

“Babe, m’coming. I can’t hold on any longer.” You gasped, your knuckles white from gripping the sheets so tight. You felt a rush of adrenaline surge through you and your vision started getting spotty as you came onto her fingers. She slowed down and worked you through your second release. You lifted your head up and look down at her through glossy eyes. Eyes that quickly grew to the size of saucers as she pulled away. 

“Fuck baby doll, I didn’t realize you were a squirter.” She quipped, pure ego coming off her tongue. It was true, her white t-shirt was now fairly see through and clung tightly against her, giving you an excellent view of her braless tits. The sheets now had a large wet patch and her chin dripping with your arousal. She leaned up and kissed you, tongue pushing into your mouth, moaning at the taste of you. You were so in love with the ethereal goddess in front of you. When she pulled back from the wet kiss, she sucked her fingers into her mouth, her eyes not once leaving yours.

“Why, Ms. Dacus, you seemed to have cleared my blues. Might I return the favor?” You spoke, wanting to show her just how grateful you were for her.

Hope you enjoyed! This will be a one-off but please send me more ideas for Lucy.

Love, A

[astrobolical]

When you’ve got a cold-

Content Warnings: None— fluff, colds I guess?

Reader: Gender Neutral

This isn’t proofread, and I’ve been sick since Saturday so this is purely self indulgent. I just hope it makes sense. Just headcanons because my brain is in a fog and I can’t get out of it. ;;

» Leviathan had been confused when you weren’t answering your D.D.D. when his new game came in— did you suddenly realize you were too good for him? Did you find someone better to spend your time with?!

» After grappling with the flood of negative thoughts, though, he goes to see you, hearing a muffled ‘come in’ from behind your door after he knocks

» He was surprised to find you curled up on your bed, sluggishly moving to sit up as he entered, bundled up in your comforter like a lil’ human burrito

» When you explain that you’re sick he feels a rush of relief (you don’t hate him!!) and worry all at the same time— humans are fragile! Are you going to come out of this?! Is it curable? Surely you need a doctor!

» After some coaxing (and a small coughing fit) you manage to explain to him that it’s nothing life threatening, just a cold and that you’d be fine after some rest and some medicine (courtesy of Solomon)

» Though unhappy you went to Solomon first, he does understand why (he also does acknowledge he’d have no clue what to give you as far as medicine went)

» He insists he’ll at least spend time with you, even when you explain that you’ll really just be sleeping a lot and that you don’t want to get him sick, too

» He almost relents, but a burst of envy has him a little more demanding. What if one of his brothers found you like this?! They’d never leave you alone! So how could he?

» So, in order to save you from his brothers’ antics he insists on you coming to his room— the safest place to hide out, as far as Levi is concerned. He insists he’ll be fine, he won’t catch some normie, human cold

» That’s how you found yourself watching Levi game from a comfortable mess of blankets and pillows propped up in his bathtub

» It was comfortable for both of you— you could rest when you needed without interruption, or watch him play his games when you were awake and converse if you felt well enough. Levi got to give you a safe place to recover, and the pleasure of your company

» It never mattered to Levi if you were both doing the same thing or not, he just loved having you around him, knowing you were opting to stay with him

» Since he’s always staying stocked up in his room he doesn’t have to leave very often, he’ll have whatever you could want or need at your fingertips— and he’ll even make trips out for you if you ask! That’s just how much you mean to him!

» Will absolutely melt if you use his lap as a pillow while he’s sitting on the floor playing on his consoles, especially if you fall asleep on him— how cute!!! MC!! That’s too cute!!

» Does take a few photos, but he’ll never show them to anyone, ever! He just can’t get over how much you trust him even if you’re in this weakened state

» Will never turn away your affections, even if you hesitate due to not wanting to pass this onto him— don’t move away! It’s okay! He swears if he gets sick it is what it is! But he won’t. (Lies)

» In the end he keeps you hydrated, entertained and well… very protected. No one bothered you while you were in his room. Only once and the threat of Lotan had Lucifer telling his brothers’ to leave MC to rest where you choose (and you chose HIS ROOM, so HA)

» He’ll absolutely cuddle up with you in his tub, either to sleep beside you or to have you lay on his chest while he plays something on his D.D.D. Or a handheld console. You’re a tangle of limbs, pillows and blankets but you wouldn’t change it for the world— especially how his tail curls around you and keeps you close

» When you do start to recover and have a bit more energy to spare Levi will be ecstatic to show you the new game he got!! Now that you can enjoy it, you can ride out the rest of your cold with him and this game he got for the two of you

» Be prepared though, despite his protests he’s absolutely getting sick

» And he has no idea how to handle human colds, so please pamper the boy and return the favour— he went out of his way for you!!

» In the end though, you both end up locked away for a solid week and a half until both of you were finally clear of any illness

» As much as getting sick sucked, Levi tells you the next time you get sick you should absolutely come right to him! His room can be your safe place

» Though when you go out next you’re dogpiled by his brothers who’ve been missing your attention (and were also worried!), so maybe go out in intervals next time…

[mlembug]

Shy boy meets teasing girl

Description: A geeky university student confesses to his crush, gets turned into a girl. Shenanigans happen. Chapter 1 originally published: 13th of May 2019

Chapter 1 "Now this is a story all about how…"

A loud noise of my alarm clock woke me up.

“Ugh…”, I grunted, knowing that five hours are not enough for a healthy sleep. Still, I begrudgingly rose from the bed and continued with my morning routine. The clock indicated it’s 7 o’clock. Just enough time to shower and catch a bus.

I met up with my friend, Eric, who happened to be riding the same bus to uni.

“Hi! How it’s going, Patrick?”, he asked.

“Yeah, well, you know. Stuff.”, I responded.

“That wasn’t very informative.”, he told me.

“Yeah, it’s just I’m sleepy and not in a mood.”

“That’s what you kept telling me over the last month.”

“I can’t help it, Factorio is just so addicting.”

“If you keep going through life like that, you’ll finish uni without scoring with a single girl.”

“Man, is it all you keep doing in your life? Taking enjoyment in hedonistic pleasures of life?”

“I don’t really want to hear that from you. Also, how are your attempts with Wendy going?”

I was shocked. “How do you…?”

“That’s obvious from your face. You spend most of your time on lectures staring at her.”, Eric responded.

“This is a secret between us.”, I responded quickly.

“Sure, sure. But, you know, the longer you keep that a secret, the bigger is the chance that she’ll slip away from you.”

“There’s no reason why she would want to be with me, you know.”

“You just need some confidence, and you’ll easily attract girls.”, Eric said. “How about this one: I’ll give you 70 bucks if you confess to Wendy today. Even if you get rejected, you’ll still have 70 bucks.”

Thought about it a bit. “Deal.”

“Looking forward to it.”

“Better prepare the money.”, I said, a bit more confident than before. Wendy is a friend I’ve got to know only recently, after I enrolled into college, because of her being in the same group as me. While she wasn’t completely a stranger, trying to ask her out felt to me like a gamble. Then again, it’s not like I had ever attempted asking out girls, so who knows.

I couldn’t focus on the lecture much, instead I tried coming up with an idea how to approach her. Oh well, I could just try the straightforward thing. I take my phone and type out:

“After lecture, can we talk for a bit in private? I have something to tell you.”

“All right.”, she responded.

…and now we wait.

We met at the usual place.

“There’s something I want to tell you.”, I said, then continued:

“I’ve been looking up to you for the last few weeks. Will you go out with me?”

“On one condition. You’ll need to change for me - drink this.”, she hands me a ordinarily-looking bottle with a red liquid.

“Eh? That’s it?”, I asked, twisting off the cap and lifting the bottle in order to drink it.

“Wait, you don’t know yet what will happen if you drink it!” - she interrupted me.

I stopped, and then she continued with something I never expected to hear:

“You’ll turn into a girl.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Because I’ll definitely turn into a girl by drinking this. Ha ha.”

I chugged down the entire bottle.

“See? Nothing happened. Does this mean we’re going out now?”

“Sure, we’ll meet here again, tomorrow 5PM.”

“5PM? All right, see ya!”

I walked away.

“…That was weird.”, I thought. “Why would she make such a joke at that moment…?”

The rest of the day at uni was fairly uneventful, so I rode the bus back home, and kept playing Factorio. Around midnight I noticed that somehow I was way more tired than usual, so I laid down in the bed. Despite me feeling so tired, I had a hard time falling asleep, so I can’t remember the exact moment I did. My sense of consciousness faded…

I found myself in high school, talking with Eric, when all of a sudden my clothes change into a schoolgirl uniform! He didn’t seem to notice this, somehow. So I try to allude to this in my conversation.

“Is there something weird about the clothes I’m wearing right now?”, I asked.

“No, what’s wrong with them? No stains or anything.”

I frowned.

“I get it that a girl like you pays a lot of attention to her appearance, but you seem to be panicking too much.”

What.

I tried to walk around. No one seemed to pay any attention. Is there anyone who’ll comment on a guy crossdressing?!

“What are you doing here?”, Wendy asked. “Our next lesson is P.E.! We have to get going and change clothes.”

Wendy grabs my arm and drags me to the girls’ changing room. I walk towards the lockers. Several girls eyed me over, but with no comment from their side. I open my own locker, and I see my own stuff, but the clothes that are there are girls’ clothes.

…what the hell was that?

I woke up, feeling fairly refreshed. I looked at the alarm clock.

“FUCK! It’s 11! I overslept!”, I shouted, while trying to get up as soon as possible.

Fumbling around, I got up from the bed, but suddenly fell because somehow I tripped on my own pants.

“Ow.”

I lifted my legs and left the pants on the floor. Then, I ran to the bathroom. I felt that my body was lighter than usual. I looked at the bathroom mirror. It was an unusual sight. The person in the mirror moved in response to every my move, but it wasn’t me. Somehow most of the details didn’t quite match. I looked at them more closely, from head to toes. The hair was nearly reaching the shoulders, and the color of it matched my own. The face had a smooth skin, nearly babylike. The person wore the same pajama shirt I was wearing, but it was unfit to their physique. Two visible bumps were protruding out of that person’s chest. This raised the alarm signs in my brain. I moved my hands towards my chest. I felt a soft sensation. My fears were confirmed.

“WHY DO I HAVE BOOBS?”, I shouted.

I touched my body all over, feeling a smooth, soft skin. Desperately trying to deny what was happening, I moved my hands between my legs.

“It’s… it’s gone!”, I cried out. How does one become a girl overnight? How?

I asked myself in my thoughts.

Soon enough, I recalled my yesterday’s conversation.

“I have to meet Wendy as soon as possible!”

That means I have to leave my house. Leaving the house means I have to dress up. Dress up means I have to wash myself.

So I took off my clothes and walked under the shower. I can’t believe I’m about to do this. But I don’t have a choice.

I took a better look at myself. “There’s no way I’ll be able to hide these.”, I said.

I cupped one of the breasts with my hand. Even while standing straight up, it’s large enough to fill my entire hand.

It’s so soft… I wonder how would…

“This is not the time for my horny fantasies! I’m already late!”, I interrupted myself, and got down to washing my body, with as little excitement as possible.

After that, I browsed through the cabinet, looking for clothes that could possibly fit me. Digging through, I found a old shirt that I didn’t bother throwing away, but happened to be smaller than the size I’m currently wearing. This bad habit of mine of not throwing away old clothes actually saved my butt today. I finished dressing up and ran to catch a bus.

After a while later, I managed to get to uni without any incidents. I nervously looked around, searching for Wendy. She was nowhere to be found.

If I won’t meet her earlier, I’ll just have to hope she keeps her promise and she’ll be there as promised at 5PM, and in the meantime attempt to not stand out from the crowd.

“Oh, hi there!”, I heard Eric’s voice.

“How are you doing, Pa…”

I turn around.

“Oh, sorry, I got the wrong person.”, Eric said.

He can’t recognize me? That’s convenient, I don’t really want to face him right now, who knows what ideas he may get.

So I tried moving away from Eric, to avoid his stares.

It’s about 5PM, the same place as yesterday.

“Wow, you turned out nicely.”, I heard.

I immediately recognized Wendy’s voice.

“HOW COME I’M A GIRL?”, I shouted to her.

“You drank a potion which turned you into a girl. Why are you surprised?”, Wendy asked.

“Why do you treat it as something normal? People don’t usually change sex overnight!”, I said. “What will I do with my life? How will I attend uni? My life is over!”

“It’s not like I didn’t warn you before you drank that bottle.”, Wendy said. “And besides, it’s not like your life is over. Half of the world are women.”

“How will I explain this to everyone? It’s not like I’ll just say ‘oh, hey, Patrick is a girl now’ to my mom, dad, and my friends. Can I turn back?”

“I’ll help you with explanations. And yes, you can turn back. After all, since a potion managed to change you, the same potion can turn you back. But…”

“But…?”, I asked.

“Would you even want to?”, she asked seductively, moving her left hand’s index finger across my chest, and touching my chin with her right hand’s index finger.

“We’ll go on dates, buy some cute clothes, watch movies in your room and chill… Patricia.”

I squirmed at the thought of me shopping for women’s clothes.

“For what reason did I turn into a girl anyway?”

“I’m a lesbian. Normally I would’ve rejected you outright, but I’ve known you for a bit, so I thought this could work out.”

“It still feels too weird. I’ve been a guy my whole life. How am I expected to behave like a girl now? I’ll be a freak!”

“C’mon, you’ve got so far, other guys who had asked me out gave up earlier than you. Do you want to pussy out now?”, she said.

“Hmmm…”

“Give it a try, I promise I’ll make it worth it.”, she attempted to convince me.

“All right, I’ll give it a try for a week.”

“Yay! Now we’re girlfriend and girlfriend!”

“So what do we do now?”

“First we should get you in some clothes that won’t make you look suspicious.”

“What?”

“These are clearly boys’ clothes, and they’re too big for you now.”

[kenziemeadowscottage]

Living a witchy aligned life while having low spoons 🔮

Those who have low spoons understand how hard it can be to live a magickal life sometimes. Sometimes rituals don’t work out, it feels like too much to go through with a spell, or it’s just to hard to even stand that day. These are all entirely valid reasons for not practicing a witchy life! Sometimes it’s necessary for you to rest and allow yourself to have space. 🌸

For me I’ve found that having a few low spoon daily rituals help me feel a lot better throughout the day. ✨

Here’s a few methods I have:

🌸 Cleansing / Protection 🌸

Ways that I will perform a low spoon daily cleansing and protection will be while I’m getting ready for the day! 🔮 If I am not able to shower in the morning to wash away the energy I've picked up while sleeping, I'll instead envision myself cleansing my energy while I set my protection for the day.

🌱 Affirmations 🌱

While I am doing my skincare I like to say affirmations to myself! I worship Aphrodite and this is one way that I can use Glamour Magick as an offering to Aphrodite. ✨ By saying affirmations that are loving and manifesting an aligned life is just a small way that I am able to be witchy while low spoons.

🔮 Grounding Myself 🔮

This is such an important step for me to do in the mornings! I can do it just before I put on my shoes, while meditating, or even while getting ready for the day! This is such a simple way to feel connected to the Earth and Goddess! 💫

💧 Stirring intentions into my food and drink 💧

As a kitchen witch my favourite method to add low spoons witchcraft is through intentions! Am I making myself a tea to help for a sore throat? With intentions I can make this drink more soothing!* 🦋

I do this by stirring Widdershins (anti-clockwise: bringing in) and Deosil (clockwise: banishing)** while putting certain energy into my food or drink!

*I will post a recipe of this soon! ** This is for the Southern Hemisphere!

🌸 Checking in with my body and setting an intention 🌸

Every morning or evening (sometimes both!) I would do yoga and meditate afterwards. I would give myself this moment to gently wake up / wind down and to check in with how I was feeling. 🌙 I would also set an intention for the day. Nothing fancy either! Just a single word on how I wanted the day to go. My favourite YouTube yoga instructor is Kassandra! She is the person who inspired me to set my intentions for the day as she includes it in her practice. I really resonated with that and have been doing it ever since. 🦋

Since my injury I am unable to do yoga as it puts too much strain onto my body right now. So I've made adjustments to my practice and I now do my physio stretches and exercises when I can!

Being able to adjust your daily routine to what you can do is super important in your practice! It also helps with making it a habit which can be difficult! If you miss a day, don't stress. 💕 When you remember and if you are able to then get up and do it! Actively making the decision to do it is what's important with starting healthy habits. ✨