#like i was allowed to have and celebrate that in my own community bc god knows i dont feel at home with cishets

[wolfisland]

i do often lament the bullshittery i got up to and ran my mouth about when i was deep deep in the comphet trenches (bc incredibly i struggled more w comphet AFTER i came out and even well into my current relationship - im just now untangling so much of it) but god at the very fucking least, at LEAST, thank GOD i never forgot my man hating roots. even at my WORST i was not harping on about how evil dykes and lesbians are for hating men.

[joyswonderland1108]

Please take time to read this

Hello, i’m ranting again but ffs Army are infuriating i simply cannot.. I’m making this post for my queer people but also for my non-queer people but who support the LGBTQ community. Again sometimes i’m really bad with words, i really don’t know how to put shit out there correctly but please bear with me. 

So i’ve been on tiktok and that lovely girlie’s video popped up on my fyp (the same girlie i posted yesterday), basically the caption on the video was “Me watching homophobic “armys” throwing a fit bc queer armys find comfort in Jimin’s queercoded lyrics”, me being me i checked the comments and i come across shit like this 

The way people are so very against any of BTS members being anything but straight and like to throw the “don’t assume” stupid comment, that “they never came out” “they never said it themselves” yada yada, bitch do you even know what queer coded means? Do you know what a code means to begin with? 

People seem to forget that these men are in an environment that doesn’t allow them to just “come out” they can’t just fucking shout to the world that they’re fucking gay Patricia! 

 It’s the fact that Jimin has been dropping hints here and there to HOPEFULLY people can understand, can get the fucking message, but people are still out there wanting him to just say it as it is, they don’t understand the effort it take to fucking come out in a homophobic country in a God forsaken industry with entitled fans who can’t accept idols being non-hetero. 

It’s like people are trying their best to break Jimin’s effort in trying to “set himself free” as he fucking just said from all this bullshit, from holding back, from “HIDING” bitch he literally said that wtf do you think he’s hiding from? The monster under his bed? The muffin man in his closet? Wake the fuck up! You’re stanning a man but refuse to understand him, refuse to give him a chance to express himself without having to put himself in a tough position.

I remember sharing before this one video from a tiktoker who made a joke about how queer celebrities deal with dating questions when they didn’t necessarily come out or weren’t intending to but still were trying to drop hints :

(Matt Taylor)

It is already hard enough for queer people to be accepted in this society and people keep on making it harder for them. People saying that your own personal interpretation shouldn’t be imposed on what Jimin means, if y’all keep on acting this way when the fuck are we ever going to understand him? Are we always going to put his efforts in vain? That man simply CANNOT COME OUT and you know what? He doesn’t HAVE to either, why tf do people think he will just trust such an entitled fandom to come out to them? 

Bitches be really quick to deny the fact that they’re simply homophobic but Jan, could you please enlighten me on why tf do you get so fucking defensive whenever anyone mentions the possibility of any of these men being queer? Them assholes aren’t even ready to accept that Yoongi, the man who ACTUALLY said it, is queer let alone making effort to understand Jimin. 

I won’t say this enough, i will obviously not repeat it enough but THIS is why Yoongi said that FANS, MOTHERFUCKING FANS will understand not Army cause y’all only hold the fandom’s name nothing more. So fucking entitled and want everything handed to them on a silver plate. Now the narrative is that queer people aren’t “supposed to look a certain way” aka members who look “manly” are surely not queer. Yesterday again i came across a tiktok of a dude doing a prank to his BOYFRIEND, here’s what they look like : 

Now don’t bullshit me on “this is not what i mean when i say manly” cause i know perfectly that this is the exact image some people picture in their head for how men looking like that can’t be gay. You want Jimin to feel comfortable enough to come live often, to share things with us, to see him perform, bla bla bla but how tf can he be comfortable with your sick asses when he can’t even be given a chance to be understood, to not put him under the projector? 

People assume that you just gotta tell the world about your sexuality and that’s it, easy peasy lemon squeezy, such a happy world and everybody will be accepting yey

You don’t know the struggle of fighting to let yourself known to others without being put in a risky situation as a common person let alone as a celebrity in a very unforgiving industry, people tend to forget that it can be career threatening, so just for your own comfort you’ll have these men risking everything just so you can have that verbal validation? 

I’m going back to the term “Queer coded” It’s called that way because there are “CODES” used by a person to hint to their sexuality and if your illiterate asses could spare 5 mins to google what that means y’all would’ve been 10 times smarter. 

If you can’t support Jimin, or any member really, the right way, please see yourself out these 7 men really don’t need no more of these people as part of this fandom, it’s already hard with straight up haters and now they have to deal with supposed “fans” who can’t do shit correctly. 

So please for my queer people, let's do our best to support and let our boy know that we understand we get it and we are sending him all of our love and for people who support the community and still understood Jimin and are supporting as well, thank you, thank you so much for being amazing, thank You.

[threestripeslider]

Hey Blue!

First if all, Happy Holidays. I wasn't sure if you celebrated Christmas or not but in any case, I decided to send this ask not only because of the aforementioned celebration day but because it holds special meaning to me: last year, during Holiday season, I binge read Odd Man Out and it had tremendous impact on me. It inspired me to lengths I don't think I am capable of portraying, to the point that I finally started a project written solely in English for the first time in my life. I was a little terrified of my possibile lack of abilities to do so, but your storytelling made me wonder about all the plot points and ideas that could theoretically have occurred to these characters and I simply could not contain the excitement of portraying them. I wrote a fic, which currently is on a hiatus, but which allowed me to develop a more cohesive style of writing and gave me inspiration for other works and projects that are either also on pause at the moment or still too small to even mention. I gained support, found a community, met new people who became my friends and in particular cases even more than that, and it has all been granted to me thanks to your creativity and the inspiration I got from it.

So what I'm trying to say is, thank you. For writing. You're really awesome!

okay this has been sitting in my inbox for a few days, mostly bc im just. so blown away and overcome by emotions by this ask. like, i genuinely have no words on what to say to such a heartfelt little story!! i guess all i can say is Thank You; for enjoying the stuff i write, for loving it so much, you let yourself be inspired by it. there is literally no higher praise for anyone's art or writing than hearing "this brought me happiness. this inspired me to do my own things and find my own people. this made me find joy in the own things i create." and sometimes i think this is really just what art and writing is all about; this communication and sharing, to reach out to eachother with a "hey i have this idea and i would like you all to hear it". god im tearing up just thinking about it.

i'm so very happy you have found joy and a community. thank you for loving my creations as much as you do, and i hope, you'll find many more joyous things that you'll end up loving just as much, if not even more. thank you for this message!!❤️

[hermionc]

have not been able to come on here bc tumblr really brings me back to my 16-24 yr old self and she would be so affected by this. but man. i’m upset and everyone on twitter is playing woke police (as they do) and i really need to just

my one direction era kinda predates this blog actually, i was transitioning away after zayn left bc i felt like the illusion was shattered

been crying on and off the last few days. i feel horrible that he’s gone and i feel horrible for even feeling horrible

the nuance required here is beyond what i could fit on twitter, and to be honest so many people on there are just barely no longer teens themselves they have no idea how to relate to this feeling with me . like they weren’t there . and i’m glad cuz this feeling is jarring

i can’t remember mourning a celebrity before this. which is probably bc i’m only 29. like this just happened so quickly and he was so young i was in shock the first day and was like, oh, just another celebrity death whatever lols thankfully idc anymore. and then the next day the memorial posts started flooding in not only from the other boys - i know they’re grown now but we grew up together and they’ll always be those boys to me - but also from names i haven’t thought about in years - lou teasdale, josh devine, max from the wanted, greg horan 😭

and today i started to see posts from other fans.. people i had connected with over a decade ago. or people i never knew but who went through that experience with me regardless

it hits harder and harder every day. haven’t showered since tuesday. hair is a mess. was scraping by doing the bare minimum at work

now it’s the weekend and i’ll have a chance to catch my breath. or maybe just sit with it some more

liam was one of my first favorites in one direction. i was impressed with his vocal tone and range, i could always pick out his lines because at first he was just more mature and practiced than the others when it came to singing

i remember when he followed me during one of his twitter follow sprees i literally jumped off the sofa with my ipad in hand and started crying. my mom was like what is happening 😭 but she knew it had to do with That band because at that point, in my life, everything was

an escape when my teenage years were filled with so much strife - dad moving out on us after literally trying to kill my mom, brother in and out of the hospital, mom struggling to make ends meet and pay the bills while going to university for the first time in her 40s — on top of just regular teenage shit.

not fully understanding how the csa i suffered as an infant had affected me and attempting to navigate my own sexuality within that. allowing so many men to treat me as an object to be used - sexually, emotionally, whatever - bc that’s what i felt i deserved.

and almost zero support to pick up these pieces. living in shame and dealing with self doubt and downright hatred. until i realized i could find a healthier escape - not sex, not drugs, not rebelling at school - connecting with a community over music and these boys who were offering us a safe space. one direction would be there to help me handle some of the toughest life changes anyone has to deal with. emotional loss of a parent. restructuring of a household. neglect. bullying. hypersexuality. friends suicide attempts

but at the end of the day they were always there with a twtcam or a follow spree or a concert where other fans could post videos

it’s so heartbreaking to think it will never happen again. ever. because he was troubled and on drugs and fucked up from fame. we’ve seen this so many times and the news cycle will move on and life will continue for the rest of us but my god it’s so hard to stomach

someone who once offered you so much support without even knowing - made me smile on days i would have been numb or crying. whose voice comforted me more than anything else at one point.

it’s so fucking hard and complicated i guess is what i’m trying to say. and it hurts. and i don’t use this blog anymore so if you read even part of this — thank you. i love you

[torc87]

About "Go back to where you came from" and "Ashkenazi Jews are European" ideology

So, I am a Russian born Jew who lived in the US since I was a child. Let me ask you a question.

If tomorrow I move to Ireland and have children born there (w another Russian born Jew to be clear), would those children be able to claim Irish heritage?

Mind, they would be raised in Ireland, go to Irish schools, but they wouldn't celebrate St.Patricks day or Christmas, or Easter or speak Gaelic or believe in fairies or have a personal familial connection to the years of Irish famine, which is a Big trauma I'm Irish history.

So, if they claimed their heritage to be Irish, would they be? Would they feel Irish? Would you consider them to be telling the truth if they claimed to have a connection to Ireland and so they could use Celtic myths and speak w authority about issues like Britain/Ireland? No?

Ok. What about their children? ( Provided they also married into the same community of Russian born Jews? ) When would they be indigenous to Ireland?

Keep in mind, the amount of cultural mixing happening currently is way more than 80 yrs ago when Jews went to separate schools, had separate jobs, had separate religious ergo social institutions. There was far more of a cultural difference in the past bc Jews were not majorly assimilated as now.

So how many generations would it take now for my descendants to be considered of Irish heritage? W a claim to Irish land? Able to call themselves the Irish People?

So I know the answer for my great grandparents. Despite being born in Belarus and Ukraine they were not considered those peoples. How do I know? Their birth certificates said Jew. In contrast w those that said Ukrainian. Or Belorussian. So did my grandparents - born in Ukraine or Moscow. So did mine, for all that at least four generations on both sides were born in Soviet Union countries, and me in Moscow, my birth certificate in the 80s said Jew as my nationality.

I can't really trace back much further than my great grandparents' parents but I think before that we must have come from Germany - the last names all sound German - and we weren't Germans there either bc German children got to go to school. Jewish children did not, which was why there was a migration to Russia.

I know my family wasn't considered German by Russia bc at the time all immigrants lived in enclaves of their own peoples. Germans lived together - Russian rules. My family did not live in a German enclave. They lived in the part of the land where Jews were allowed to live.

So for the past 4-5 generations my family wasn't considered Russian. They weren't considered German.

They had no heritage or claim to being from those lands.

If they weren't from those lands, then were were they from?

Where were they native to?

How is it that despite the past five generations of my family not being considered European ( West European) I am suddenly expected to think of myself as such?

Despite them not being accepted or treated like Europeans, despite them being othered, despite them having no native ties to the archaeology or myths or beliefs of the peoples living in that land, I am suddenly to think of myself as a European?

My mother lived 30 years in Russia before we got refugee status in the US. She has never, in her life, thought of herself as Russian. No religious connection or much knowledge of Judaism ( soviet union forbade religion so she never prayed, barely believes in a god, doesn't know the rituals) She speaks of us and of them. Of us not being welcome there. Of the difference in mentality. And if I went to a Russian now and said I was Russian and then said, Russian Jewish, there would be a distinction. I wouldn't be Really Russian. My identity would not be considered Russian.

And despite all that, we are to think of ourselves as European?

After leaving western Europe as refugees? After being unwelcome there? Other there? After it being made clear to us that there is a difference btwn us and them?

And don't forget, we tried to fit in. We celebrate New Year's like any Russian, we didn't go to synagogue, or pray, we went on political communist marches like everyone else. We dressed and ate like everyone else - if I suggest not eating bacon my family will laugh me out of the house.

But we weren't Russian. Not in their eyes. And not in ours.

I think what a lot of people screaming that Ahkenazi Jews are European fail to understand is that Europe is not America.

I am an immigrant. I feel American. My passport says American. My sister was born here - she will think of herself as an American from birth and what celebrations or foods or dress she has won't matter bc America accepts cultural diversity without delegitimizing the claim to American culture. Bc everyone except for Native Americans is an immigrant and there are so Many cultures that the main identity stays American. Bc there is no concept of American heritage bc there are So many immigrants, no indigenous claim to the land unless you are Native, it works differently than in Europe.

Here, everyone is different so the differences don't matter as much.

Europe? Majority share a culture and a heritage in most countries. Not just a language, that can be learned, but a past. And those who do not share that past will not fit in. Will not be fully accepted if they act on those differences at all.

Think of the protests in France bc the Muslims are not assimilating. Are following their own traditions. Are they considered fully French? Or is half of France terrified they will defile the true French culture?

Being of a country is more than being born there. It's feeling a connection to the land, feeling like it's past is shared. Feeling like you can claim that identity and the heritage is yours for good or ill.

Ashkenazi Jews can't claim that for the countries their families came from. Weren't ALLOWED to be a part of those countries.

So don't try to change the past now. Ideas of who is European and who can claim that may have changed - there's more movement and immigration now, more acceptance of it, but it's too little too late.

A people who were kicked out or ran from Europe cannot and will not be considered the same as the peoples who forced them to leave ...or die.

I am not Russian. I am not Western European. Not while my birth certificate says my race is Jewish. Which ...it's going to say that for my entire life. So no, I won't accept suddenly being forced to accept a heritage denied to me before just bc it's more convenient to your ideology to think of me that way.

[raekensarcher]

can u do all??

hells yes (for the sake of my brain i am just putting emojis)

✨: my first fic!!!! i wish people would give it more credit. also the religious one

💘: again, like, all of them. i am my own worst critic

💫: how you interpret my work!! if you point things out that i hadn’t even thought of before!!

🌈: i did struggle the most with my newest fic. the plot and first chapter was written and rewritten a handful of times before it got to what it is now

🦋: most insecure about people not liking my interpretation of things. always worried i’m not seeing the characters how everyone else sees them and it won’t be liked.

🌻: writers block fr. my brain jus stops working. what keeps me going is that i love writing, i can just shut my brain down and type and end up with 3k words like nothing even happened. i love it.

🌿: creating makes me feel powerful idk like writing is such an escape , even when most of my writing is projection, it feels better to put it on someone else and something else. it gives me a chance to breathe and to think about things

🍉: like i said, projecting. it helps in terms of being able to sort things out, to problem solve. if i can figure it out for my characters, i can figure it out for myself. it helps

🎀: my writing has improved significantly since i was 14/15. i really love the writing style i’ve settled on.

🎈: again, big on imagery and behind the scenes things. love it.

🎉: dude?? every time i post a fic i lay down and read it and feel proud of myself. always celebrate your work!!! always!!!

💞: the most important part of the story, to me, is being able to picture it. when i write things i want to be able to see it in my head, i don’t want unanswered questions. i want to be able to feel what the characters are feeling and be there with them u know? i am a sucker for imagery and racing thoughts. i want to be in the characters head.

💝: definitely my first one. was super worried ab posting that one.

🤍: first big one/religious one. for sure.

🕯️: probably my religious one and the one i did about theo and his guilt. lots of projection, like, so much. but it wasn’t difficult to write so much as hard to realize what i was writing? and ig just recognize how much i was hurting.

💥: theo guilt fic!!! deserves more reads and credit. it’s sad but it’s probably the most honest theo i have ever written.

🍭: i started writing as a diary type of thing. it helps to smash a keyboard instead of anything else.

💎: it makes me feel better,, and if i write something that someone else connects with??? i feel wonderful.

📡: i think writing is important because it’s giving people a voice u know? like even if it’s just fandom things, people are being creative and allowing themselves to dive into a different reality to build new things. it’s fun!!

🪄: i honestly don’t have, like, a set routine or anything after i finish something? aside from going through and reading it as a ftr, i kind of just sit there and hope everyone loves it

🎙️: oh god that’s a lot of pressure shsgjdhfk i think the zoo one maybe? it’s something that’s up to interpretation for everyone and we’re never actually gonna know what happened. i would love to hear everyone else’s thoughts n opinions on it

🤲🏼: peace of mind, actually. my writing is me trying to sort out my own problems, if i’m solving the issues for my characters i’m solving the issues for myself

💋: YES!!! i don’t typically leave comments bc my brain is scrambled but when i have and it involves a question then yes absolutely i would love to hear back

☯️: i think communication in fandom is healthy and it’s so fun to make friends on tumblr/twitter/etc. i’ve made a few since joining tw tumblr and i can say it’s been a great experience so far. some of my best friends (of 4+ years) are ones i made through fandom. they’re family to me

🧿: honestly? if something isn’t getting the response i would like then i just try to forget about it hagdjfj i care too much about what people think and i’m trying to care less about that. i write for me, if someone else happens to like it then yay but if not then it isn’t the end of the world.

💌: current wip things?? i’ve just got the one big one and i swear i’ll have a chapter update for it soon i’ve just been dealing with a lot of family issues lately. new chapter soon though!! i have plans :)

[clarenecessities]

Can we not say the newly canon confirmed lesbian would be better as a bisexual?

I understand if you are really into your headcanons but it’s sad how often lesbians are not celebrated by the wider community.

I understand also if you just meant it as a joke but it stung a little too much and maybe that is a sign it’s time for me to mosey on out and hit the dusty trail. Pleasure blogging with you.

"would be better" lmao. there's that good faith reading!

idrk how to respond to this because like. i am a lesbian? i'm not sure what you mean by wider community (gays in general? overwatch players?) but this is like, my own demographic. i'm allowed to have an opinion on how it's being 'represented'

i guess i'm sorry i can't derive more joy from representation, but i do not now and will never recognize word of god from Activision Blizzard, who have three canonical ages for the cowboy they had to rename after sexual assault allegations against his original namesake. like... they couldn't write their way out of a paper bag.

i categorically refuse to take ovw seriously. i hold up each character and i weigh them against a feather & what i determine is between me, god, and anyone who deigns to read my tags. i understand if you don't want to be counted among them & i wish you well.

what was the end game here? did you want me to reword my opinion to be less ambiguous? "i have always thought of pharah as bisexual, and do not respect blizzard in any capacity, so i will not be adjusting that opinion even though it would afford me direct representation". is this clearer/less hurtful to you?

like you shouldn't be looking to the global paramilitary hired guns for representation of any kind imo (except beloved gorilla), but if my long-standing headcanons about a game i don't even play anymore matter that much to you then like... i don't really know what to say. what stings? why? is there something about that feeling that's more tangible, or accessible, when it's caused by my tags? to me it seems like salt in a deeper wound, & i can't help address either in the course of one ask.

i guess to answer your question... yeah, we can not say that. i never said it in the first place, because it's nonsense. i'm not very into my ovw headcanons at all, as i now regard the franchise with something between ambivalence and disgust, depending on the news cycle. i guess it was kind of a joke bc i was claiming to understand blizzard's characters better than them, but i do think of pharah as bi & nobody is going to sway me on that. could see ace, maybe. but also it's barely a joke bc i really don't think they understand their characters so much as use them to deflect valid criticisms, and like... at least the versions in my head are consistent

[broomsticks]

sobbed about how fanfiction makes us poor here and on discord and also going to tag @tahtahfornow bc i know you will have Thoughts about the value and merit of women’s work and Capitalism.

aside from the terrific main post, i also liked this comment by astolat. as it stands, copyright law does not allow the monetization of fanfiction (so that’s not what’s really under debate here), but —

What is authorized is not some kind of mystical definition from on high; it is determined by what those setting the rules choose to allow. For instance -- why does copyright protect derivative works? That's a choice, clearly (…) the people who benefit financially from the choice being made to do it this way, to disallow derivative works, are primarily male, and the people who would benefit from the choice being made in reverse are primarily female. It is not coincidental that women want to tell the kinds of stories that are not allowed to make money more than men do.

it’s a feature not a bug. even if it wasn’t Malicious necessarily (arguably worse that it isn’t tbh), it’s symptomatic of what is valued and what isn’t, what’s viewed to have real literary/artistic merit and what isn’t. see also: the history of women in computer science!!

that said, i also liked the comments by shusu and cathexys celebrating the gift economy that is fandom and pointing out that this alt economy is in its own way a form of joyful rebellion against capitalism:

Otoh, if we actually try to think outside the capitalist box, I'm always quite enamored with the very fact that we *are* creating an alternative economic model that is much more based on need and community than on financial gains. So, I'm not sure that we *aren't* fighting a feminist battle in exhibiting a culture that functions amazingly well not inspite of but because of its anti-capitalist imperative!

I don't necessarily *want* my work to be for sale, or taken seriously, because I think just the act of making something marketable changes the work. *Especially* making something for a mass market, as opposed to a niche audience. And I don't think that keeps me poor because I can go straight to my flist for computer programmers, artists, web designers, editors, authors, and all the professional help I could possibly imagine for free.

i would never, ever, ever try to monetize my writing (or even beta'ing or reclist making, etc etc) — legality aside, i could not agree more with “just the act of making something marketable changes the work”, the fact that there’s no audience is a huge part of the appeal of ultra rare pair femslash for me — but that doesn’t mean that this isn’t work, it doesn’t take effort, it doesn’t have value or merit and shouldn’t be recognized somehow.

and that’s without even getting into the immense privilege of how for various reasons i don’t need to, i can afford to do this as a hobby without it negatively impacting my daily life (quite the opposite), and that’s not the case for everybody.

---

ON THE SEPARATE ISSUE of why slash?, i found this article a good read (SO many good ones on fanlore tbh!!!!). gonna tag @thistlecatfics (whose meta on the related why not femslash? should probably be archived somewhere too) for this one, for your thoughts on how slash is not actually women writing sex between men, but about people of marginalized genders writing about relationships between people of privileged genders.

(aside non-Discourse TIL that Arthur/Eames is such a big ship in the Inception fandom!!!! approx 80% of slash and 60% of fic produced according to the fanlore ship page, for two minor characters who exchange like three lines of dialogue over a 2.5h movie? oh my god the Two White Guys article is fascinating too.)

finally getting to this (TY to @billsfangearring for the rec) and thinking that the entire thing should be mandatory listening for anyone and everyone who wants to participate in fandom. I learned so much about fannish history, zines, fandom on the internet, the creation of FFN — also hell yeah to whoever of the podcasters is a snarry/ tomarry shipper — but mostly seconding this very hard

maybe i’m especially in my fandom history feels thanks to femslash february & @lumosatnight’s HP femslash history thing, but — this basically yall, i’m so emotional. (timestamp approx. 2h15m in).

fanlore article: An Archive Of One's Own (post by astolat), a proposal that astolat posted to her LiveJournal in May 2007.

First, why fanfic is not illegal and why YOU should stop saying that it is even if you don't agree, by cesperanza. Please read it. That said, the people behind fanlib (talked about many places, see astridv here) don't actually care about fanfic, the fanfic community, or anything except making money off content created entirely by other people and getting media attention. They don't have a single fanfic reader or writer on their board; they don't even have a single woman on their board. They're creating a lawsuit-bait site while being bad potential defendants, and they deserve to be chased out being pelted with rocks. But even if they were, which I doubt is going to happen, because hey, they have people and money, we're still left with this problem: we are sitting quietly by the fireside, creating piles and piles of content around us, and other people are going to look at that and see an opportunity. And they are going to end up creating the front doors that new fanfic writers walk through, unless we stand up and build our OWN front door.

every time i think i cannot love ao3 more i find even more to love and respect about it & everyone who contributed to creating it. what an empowering story this is, you all, about taking OWNERSHIP and mobilizing the community and building the places, MAKING the spaces you want to have. being the change you want to see.

and this list of desired features —

- allowing ANYTHING -- het, slash, RPF, chan, kink, highly adult - giving explicit credit to the original creators while clearly disclaiming any official status - making it easy for people to download stories - options for people to post [recursively transformative works inspired by] the original story, all of which would automatically be linked back so you could see the kind of interconnecting 'web' of how our work is interrelated - automatic rec lists (just click on a story to add it to your rec list) - mentoring: collect up writing advice, fannish history, acafandom, and create a simple FAQ (integrate a wiki?)

!!! these values!! HISTORY and COMMUNITY fucking HISTORY and COMMUNITY.

what we’re doing is LEGITIMATE, it has VALUE and it is REAL.

it is alright if not everyone cares about everything or indeed the same things, it is alright if no two people see things the same way or perfectly align in fandom interests and preferences and headcanons, but there is so much to celebrate and uplift about each other. we have so much in common. so much.

also happiness has meaning and catharsis has meaning and exploration has meaning, art has meaning and creativity and individual expression is meaningful, for the creator if no one else , and is worthy of celebration and love if only because life and living is fucking hard, yall.

ahhh i am so sad and angry (that this was our fandom history! that it was such a struggle! that even now there is so much infighting! that some things i love are not as popular and widely loved compared to other things (that i also love!)) — but i’m also so touched and SO grateful that this is our fandom history because wow is it one of triumph and empowerment and community collaboration. it was dreamt and then proposed and then built, from scratch, and we’re adding to it every day.

and then the timeline stuff (the post was made may 17th, 2007! the domain names were registered may 30th! the first donations came in september 2007 and the site was operational as we know it in 2009!) holy shit!

ahhh i love fandom and all this gift economy and joy.

p.s. there’s also a part 2 with olderthannetfic(’s fandom backstory lmao). which i’ve only just started listening to so expect a similarly in my feels post about that in uhhhhhhh two months

[ootahime]

analyzing every gojohime moment in the manga 😈

this series will probably have more than one part because tumblr only lets me upload ten images per post </3

warning: there are disgustingly long paragraphs in here and delusions

chapter 32

utahime’s first introduction!  akutami lets us know right off the bat that she thinks gojo is an idiot (so true).

chapter 32

i love the contrast between miwa and utahime’s reaction to gojo’s appearance.  

chapter 33

NAH BC TELL ME WHY HE WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO NOT GET HER ONE LMAOOOO!!  when he traveled overseas to meet with yuta, he picked up the tribal protection charms and thought to himself, “let’s get enough for the kyoto students as a gift since i am such a great and caring teacher, after all.  mmm, i should skip utahime to make her mad~”  this guy puts way too much effort into getting on her nerves.  his mind = utahime brainrot

chapter 33

she’s laughing at him here because he’s getting disciplined for being a lil shit.  i wonder...what would he say if he saw her laughing at him like that?  

chapter 33

this interaction between them is a little strange don’t you think?   i feel like over the years he’s learned how to pick up her mood based on the way she’s acting towards him.  you’re probably thinking, “well any person can figure out how a person’s feeling based on the way they’re talking or acting.”  yes, that’s absolutely true, but it’s kind of different with this.  she’s acting normal.  utahime has a rather indifferent expression on her face and what she says is spoken in a calm tone, but gojo still asks her if she’s mad at him.  it’s likely that he knows her well enough to be able to notice these subtle things.  even if she wasn’t actually mad at him, he was being considerate for a split second, then he went and said, “of course.  i didn’t do anything wrong and all.”  what a guy LOLOL.  to me, this implies that maybe he made her genuinely angry in the past to the point where he realized that he went too far, and thus decided to be more careful of her feelings.  she has definitely gotten annoyed at him so many times after that so whenever she seems angry, he probably asks himself if he took it too far.  i’m curious to see if he can pick up if she’s upset with something that’s not involving him.  would he console her?  how does gojo satoru console someone?  

despite him always annoying her, she’s still courteous and brings him a cup of tea during their talk.  she didn’t have to go out of her way to get tea for him but she did.  that’s the kind of person utahime is.  a kind and caring woman who would never put her students in danger.  in the anime they were sitting far away and not facing each other like they’re doing in the manga.  she also has her own tea cup.  i think that little panel of her placing the cup down on the table and him picking it up to take a sip is a nice little detail.  it just proves that her hating him most of the time isn’t actually pure hatred but annoyance because of his shenanigans and teasing.

chapter 33

i touched upon this a little bit in my previous post, but i wish to go more in depth about this panel.  first of all, he ends the sentence with her name twice.  two times too many, mr. gojo.  i like how they can be serious with each other too LOL.  i wish we got to see them talk about the traitors because they did figure it out together after all.  does it always end in bickering?  can they interact with each other like adults all the way through?  somehow, i feel like that’s not possible when it comes to these two.  furthermore, notice how gojo confides in utahime about his suspicions.  from what we know, she is the first person he brought it up to.  i mean, i guess he has to start investigating the schools and would need extra assistance to save time, but he could have done it himself if he really wanted to.  by deciding to ask for her help we know that he thinks she’s trustworthy, smart, and strong enough to face whatever considerable risks this task may entail.  

i didn’t point this out in my other posts but see how he makes a hand sign in the last panel when she throws the cup at him?  gojo is manually activating his infinity.  why though?  about a year after the whole star plasma vessel incident happened, gojo develops the ability to keep his infinity up at all times by using the reversed curse technique to consistently heal himself to prevent exhaustion.  this means that it really makes no difference whether he leaves it on or off.  there are a few times where we can witness someone actually touching gojo.  for example, yuuji giving him a hug.  did he turn his infinity off, or was it able to deduce that yuuji was not a threat?  the erasers and pencils shoko and geto threw at him during his demonstration of his new ability aren’t dangerous normally, but is it the speed that makes them dangerous?  even if it did hit him, it wouldn’t hurt.  how does the infinity know when to allow an incoming object to touch gojo?  i believe it is up to gojo himself to let things touch him; his infinity restricts anything and anyone.  some people say it could just be the fact that water is not dangerous to him, so therefore, he has to manually put his infinity up.  i thought this was a reasonable explanation as to why he put up the hand sign when the tea was thrown at him, but then i realized that it couldn’t be.  remember the second opening?  it’s raining and everyone is carrying an umbrella, then it pans to gojo with a bouquet in his hand and rain drops slipping off his infinity.  if he DID manually put his infinity up to prevent getting soaked then that implies that he chose to turn his infinity off.  you can argue and say that jujutsu high is a safe place with students so there’s no need to have his infinity there, but do you remember when he stepped on the ants in front of gakuganji and yaga?  the ants were perfectly fine after which insinuates that his infinity prevented his shoes from crushing the ants.  he most likely had his infinity on during the baseball game even though he was in a safe environment.  how does this long tangent relate back to utahime?  well, it simply indicates that gojo trusts utahime so much to the point where he can be vulnerable around her.  turning off his infinity symbolizes completely letting down his guard  in a way.  

how about what happens next?  utahime throws the tea at him, he turns on his infinity to deflect it, and he responds with, “scary!  hysteric women aren’t popular, you know!”  why would he even say that LMAO??  utahime doesn’t even try to deny what he said either.  she just hits him with the good old, “i am your senpai!”  could it be that he’s trying to poke fun of her relationship status?  maybe, maybe not.  doesn’t he like people a lil crazy?  he did say that all jujutsu sorcerers have to be a little crazy because they’re willing to put themselves in danger constantly.  

chapter 0 p.1

i wonder who he’s thinking of when he said that.  could it be utahime?  it seems like he’s reminiscing or thinking about someone.  he wears an amused expression on his face as he laughs - almost like he’s seen his fair share of how scary women can get :>>

chapter 34

the pattern behind gojo and utahime is called yagasuri “fletching,” a traditional japanese design.  this design is inspired by arrow fletching.  it's a lucky charm for weddings and other celebrations since it's based on the Japanese belief that an arrow shot once never comes back.  brides were given kimonos with this pattern for good luck during the edo era (1603–1868) to ensure they would not have to return to their original family home.  this pattern can have numerous meanings such as steadfastness or determination to achieve a goal, or a wish for the happiness of the bride.  there is a belief that a bow and arrow represent the fight against evil.  honestly, this meaning fits the narrative of the story.  utahime and gojo are unearthing the traitors that are feeding intel to the curse users and cursed spirits.  they are in the middle while the kyoto students surround them, which could mean that it’s their job as adults to protect these children from the grasps of evil slowly making itself more prominent.  do you also notice that the arrows are pointed toward utahime from gojo?  from all the images i’ve seen, the arrows are usually pointed downward.  what could this mean?  is gojo trying to protect her (in the future (?)) or does he have a big fat crush smh...

i think it’s a good time to mention utahime’s clothing.  she’s wearing miko attire.  miko are shrine maidens who were once thought to be shamans (you connecting the dots?).  in their service to shrines, miko used to perform spirit possession and takusen (in which the possessed person acts as a "medium" (yorimashi) to communicate the divine will or message of that kami (god) or spirit; also included in the category of takusen is "dream revelation" (mukoku), in which a kami appears in a dream to communicate its will).  this was back in the old days, of course.  to become a miko back then (shaman), one needed to have potential.  neurosis, hallucinations, odd behavior, and hysteria (HYSTERIA HELLO???) are some of the signs that a person is being called to shamanism.  when a miko is communicating with a kami (god) or spirit by acting as a medium, she is in a trance-like state, and so she must learn techniques to control herself when this happens.  chanting and dancing were used to accomplish this, so the girl was taught melodies and intonations that were used in songs, prayers, and magical formulas.  all of this could give us insight about utahime’s technique and explains why she’s good at singing :)  maybe she can’t control herself when she uses her technique which is why she isn’t shown using it because it should be used for dire situations.  i imagine being possessed by a spirit or god must consume a lot of cursed energy.  it makes sense that utahime and gakuganji wear traditional clothing.  they’re the staff of jujutsu high’s kyoto branch.  in chapter 0, kyoto is known as the sacred land of jujutsu.  it’s more traditional compared to tokyo.  if you want to learn more about miko, you should check out the wikipedia page!  

chapter 34

i swear he tries to annoy her every chance he gets.  i bet he sets a goal for himself to see how many times utahime lectures him about respecting his seniors every time he’s within the same vicinity as her.  at least he called her utahime-sensei!!!

chapter 40

this isn’t even a gojohime moment tbh...i just wanted to share a pic of them sitting next to each other HEHE.  why are they sitting next to each other anyway?  it’s not like they have assigned seating.

----

that was so long and i apologize for the gargantuan paragraphs you guys had to read through.  i’m writing this at 4 in the morning and i’m feeling borderline delirious so i apologize if there are any errors.  i’ll edit this when i have time <3

the next part should come shortly.

[lastoneout]

I’m not going to get into the catalyst behind this post cuz it's a mess and also this is probably not super coherent because I’m pissed BUT I really think these days the queer community could use a bit of a refocus on is the concept of coming out or being outed.

Like I know we're barely better off than we were even just ten years ago and lots of us live in blue-leaning places or have supportive families and we've been spoon fed a steady diet of "being in the closet is shameful bcs you're hiding who you are and it's better to live your truth(tm)" and "if you don't list your sexuality/gender somewhere you aren't allowed to talk/write about xyz topic" and “only queer people can play queer people” bullshit to the point that we now feel comfortable demanding actors and writers disclose their orientations lest they be canceled, but y'all need to remember that being queer is an incredibly personal thing that can change every single aspect of your life for the rest of your life, and because of that absolutely NO ONE should EVER feel obligated to out themselves when they don’t want to.

Because I don’t care how progressive your city/community is or how cool your family is or how rich you are, coming out as queer will change your life. It will change how people talk to you, how they treat you, how your family treats you, how your co-workers treat you, where you can live, what sorts of jobs you can take, how SAFE you are from day to day, it will change EVERYTHING. And sure, some of those changes might be for the better, and if you’re really lucky there might not even be that many changes at all, but it still will change things and even potentially put your life in danger, and you have a right to look at all that and say “no thanks”. Not now, not to these people, not to my family, not to my co-workers, not to the strangers around me, maybe not ever to anyone at all. That is a choice that every single queer person has the right to make and no one, ESPECIALLY OTHER QUEER PEOPLE, should get to take that choice away from us.

Like argh this is part of why I’m so defensive of ‘Love, Simon’, as sanitized and imperfect as it is. The part of the film where Simon gets outed to the ENTIRE SCHOOL against his will is so painful and honest because if you have ever had the choice of when and where and who to come out to taken away from you you then KNOW that pain. It’s horrible and humiliating and terrifying and no one should EVER have to go through that. And that’s also why it enrages me that the author of the books FELT THE NEED TO OUT HERSELF AS BISEXUAL WHEN SHE WASN’T READY TO GET THE PEOPLE SAYING SHE WAS WRONG TO WRITE STORIES ABOUT QUEER PEOPLE WHEN SHE WAS “STRAIGHT” OFF HER BACK. God, if that doesn’t piss you off I don’t even know what to say.

(And it’s ALSO why I hate people speculating about what internet celebs might be gay or trans eggs or whatever like fucking christ just leave people ALONE.)

Yes, I get wanting there to be more queer people. I get wanting famous people you like to be queer too. I think someone coming out is something to celebrate! It can be beautiful and empowering and validating, it can help other people come to terms with their own identities, especially if the person is famous, but coming out is never really all positives. It won’t magically make your life perfect, it always comes with losses, with dangers, with changes, and we need to remember that before we come for another “straight” actor until they out themselves to get us to leave them alone.

Being openly queer is personal and life-changing and DANGEROUS and coming out is an incredibly personal choice that should always be left to the person in question. You are not owed someone’s sexuality or gender identity. No one is obligated to tell you, or anyone, that. There are LOADS of times when being openly queer is dangerous and scary and it’s normal to want to keep yourself safe if you can. Maybe we do hide in the closet sometimes, but not from ourselves, we’re taking refuge because we live in a world that isn’t made for us, full of people that hate us and will treat us differently, and if we aren’t ready to step outside of it WE DON’T HAVE TO.

No one owes you anything, so leave other people the fuck alone.

- Signed, A queer person who is going to have to hide every aspect of her sexuality and gender identity when she drops off her ballot this year because she lives in a hell state that says armed independent "observers" are allowed to hang out at ballot drop boxes and intimidate anyone who looks like they might vote against the candidate saying she wants to round queer people up and put them in camps.

[mego42]

good girls appreciation week 2021: day 2 // places and spaces: pwp in the paper porcupine

for places and spaces day, i’m going back in time to celebrate one of my fav show locations: the paper porcupine, specifically the back room.

if there is one thing above all else i am a truly desperate heaux for, it’s a good art room. what can i say? i spent my formative years haunting them and there’s something about a paint/ink/god knows what splattered work table that does it for me. add in a mechanical printing press? nirvana, truly.

so without further ado, allow me to rec some fics that use the space as god intended.

one thing that always stands out to me about this fic is how well it captures the snap, crackle and pop between beth and rio

it opens with them literally giving each other the silent treatment while still hanging out alone for hours on end in the paper porcupine while beth prints for weeks

yes that weeks includes the mutual stubborn silence

iajs that’s the kind of petty that really makes this ship shine

and then when they break, the nasty, bitter reckoning that spills out only serves as foreplay for a hookup that perfectly captures that half bitter antagonism, half desperation to reconnect dichotomy that characterized their s3 dynamic

in addition to a fantastic hook up, the back and forth banter and energy is really what makes this fic shine

1000000/10

fav quote:

“You’re a shit shot,” he says instead, so close now their chests are grazing with every intake of breath.

“I had a shit teacher. Kinda full of himself.”

Read on AO3

is it that i love pp back room hook ups or the post 213/rio’s return from the dead angsty tension? who can say, really

(both, both is good)

whatever it is, have another!!! this fic is specifically a take on the missing scene from the infamous 304 money-making promo i mean montage

what DID they do while they waited for the pulp to dry?????

the tone of this one leans a little more heavy than the previous rec as beth and rio grapple with the bitter weight of everything between them and how it’s made that much more complicated by how present the good parts of their history are as well, and how much they can’t/don’t want to escape either

idk guys, that juxtaposition is the specific flavor of angst i live for

i also love love love that in this one rio’s the one poking at the open wound of their relationship and i love that it’s the key to beth unlocking and airing some of her own grievances. communication! who knew!?

fav quote:

“I like watchin' you work.”

Me too. She wants to say. I like you watching me too. She wants to say. But her mouth is dry and her voice doesn't work so she‘s silent.

“I fuckin' hate that I like it.”

Read on AO3

how do i love this fic, let me count the ways (jk we’ll be here all day bc i love it a lot)

remember how i said my favorite flavor of angst is the kind that runs on a combo of bitter and poignant memory? well boy howdy does this fic nail that like whoa

while this fic is much more sprawling than just hooking up in the pp, that is both where it starts-ish AND a returned to feature including an A++++ negotiation for a new and better blender

points deducted for mention of the keyhole sweater (I KID!!!!!!!) (not about hating the keyhole sweater, it looks so itchy idk why, but about the points deduction)

basically, to cap it off, this is one of my fav rio pov fics, it does such an incredible job capturing this completely exasperated, vaguely pissed off about it, but also kind of desperately into it vibe that feels so exactly right for a later s3 era rio starting to realize how deep his feelings for beth may in fact go and losing his mind about it and i love it a lot

plus the anti-beth list of hook up criteria remains i think one of my favorite things in any brio fic ever, so

and this is all just ch 1, i’m still not ready to talk about ch 2 but just know i think about the bit in the shower a normal amount

fav quote:

No women between 5’7 and 5’10, ‘cause Elizabeth’s height fluctuates dependin’ on her shoes.

No women with doe eyes, doesn’t matter the color, ‘cause she’s all he sees when he looks into ‘em.

They can’t drink bourbon or tequila shots, and shit, it’s not even the things she likes, but the things she doesn’t, too—which means no women nursin’ a chard or a rosé, either.

If they’re got a flower printed or embroidered or embossed anywhere on their person, they’re out.

He’s left women in parkin’ lots for drivin’ vans, and said goodnight ‘cause they carry a large brown purse.

Read on AO3

like i was gonna leave the iconic brio try butt stuff fic off of the list

what i really love about this fic, aside from the fact that it’s hot af, is how well it captures the competitive aspect of beth and rio’s dynamic and how they’re always playing a game and trying to score points against each other

in this version it’s on the playful, almost, dare i say, affectionate end of the spectrum and the way it’s woven throughout gives the fic an extra spark that makes the story an absolute delight

this is also like, the peakest of peak beth, i.e. blurts out something she didn’t mean to and then not only will she gnaw her own arm off before admitting a mistake or defeat but she’s actually gonna flip this whole thing around and lean in as hard as she can and be the absolute best

i also love how rio immediately gets on her level and takes it just as seriously as she is but still finds ways to tease her, without like, teasing her (this makes sense shut up)

what i’m trying to say is the characterization is flawless throughout and captures all of the best things about them and their dynamic perfectly and i love it thank you and goodnight

fav quote:

It’s playful, more of a game than anything else. It’s just that he tends to be a bit more agreeable when she’s sucking him, just a bit more willing to be persuaded when he’s inside her. Usually, she’s asking for something small, like a new blender or a larger supply of singles, something she knows he won’t say no to. Beth has fun with it, daydreaming up some pretext or another while she’s printing. It’s easier this way, to pretend that what they’re doing is nothing more than a transaction.

To pretend it really is just business.

And if he lingers when they’re done—to kiss her and hold her and laugh with her—well, it means nothing if she doesn’t think about it.    

Read on AO3

[binniesthighs]

hi hi cuties and thigh enthusiasts!! just about a day ago my lil blog full of hornies and changbin thirst reached 1,500 and i am just jaflkjasd :’) since then haha 

ah ah this post is already so cheesy hehe but i wanted to say thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart for following me along with my journey with this blog! after having the hobby of writing for the greater part of my life, i’m so immensely thankful that i started this blog and hopefully took ya all on some of the crazy adventures i keep locked up in my head hehe 

having this blog has been such a wonderful experience, from learning about myself as a writer, exploring the many, many hornies that i’ve got, and most of all, meeting all of the freakin’ fantastic individuals in this community! ~thank you to each and every one of you for being the sweetest, loveliest, most hilarious and welcoming people i could ever wish to meet and have the honor of getting to know and write for!~ 

to celebrate, i wanted to make a lil list n’ love letter to my lovely pals for ya to check out! there is fkn CRAZY talent on this list and i highly recommend that ya check out everyone and their masterlists! 

to my moots~ GAH I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH my whole experience here on smutblr has been made absolutely amazing by you all! GOSH hehe i am full of so much love for you all your brains are seggsy as hell and i’m always rooting for you!! thank you so much for being my friends <3 

to my readers~ my loves, thank you, as a writer, to bee seen and heard fulfills every word i write and every lil idea i scribble down. wherever ya are in the world, thank you for taking the time to read my pieces and for sending me love. you are my reason!! 

to my anons~ thank you my darlings for all of your kindness, screams in my inbox, every song rec, hard thought and word of encouragement. my lil anon family i love you and appreciate you all so much! thank you for reaching out to me and makin’ a lil home on my account! it means the world to me! <3 

to my bunch of (ro)ses~ thank you so much for hyping me with each of my updates, for showing up in my notifs and being overall frickin’ angels! thank you so much for reading as always and i hope that ya like what’s to come! 

~hehe i wanted to write ya all lil messages too! while they just scratch the surface, please know that i love ya all to the moon and back!! 🥰~ 

🌹Writers🌹

@aliceu ~ alice, hehe here’s to all the times that we would ramble about fantasy aus and bounce ideas off eachother, thank you so much for being my go-to and my muse at times! your works are literally magical my love! 

@bearseungmin ~ hehe dawn i think that you might be one of my oldest moots on this list! ever since i started out here in this lil corner on the internet, you have been the most supportive, sweet individual there is to me and I can’t say thank you enough! i’m also like, highkey obsessed with everything you write hehehe 

@binniesbrat ~ oh my gosh té , hehe lol i will bring this up over and over again bc i’m just so ah ah it makes me melt but fun fact hehe back when i was babybinniesthighs, té reached out to me, and made me felt like i belonged--i literally lysm! your hornies are fantastic my dear, we are so lucky to have you here! 

@bruh-changbin ~ dear sky, while we’ve only talked a little in asks, i wanted to express how very dear you are to me! hehe when i update and you hype me up it literally makes my whole frickin’ day! you keep me going! not to mention that your writing is *chef’s kiss* teehee 

@bubblelixie ~ ah! kc! we’ve also been moots for a good while, i think back when i was babybinniesthighs too! hehe your overwhelming love and support of me makes my heart frickin’ swell and seeing you in my notifs and my asks with hornies makes me feel so dang fuzzy! you are quite literally one of the most adorable cuties on here! your writing also just *knocks me out* OOF 

@chaangbin ~ ours is quite the story dear hazel bean...meaning....i was like, the biggest, nerdiest fangirl of your work for quite some time and very very shy to tell you that it was me ahhhhh haha well here i am ooP your writing is so beautiful and human and immersive in so many ways! i’m crazy lucky to be moots and friends with ya! omg if i say more i will literally embarrass the heck out of myself hahahhaha

@decembermoonskz ~ beautiful izzy, you are such, and i mean such an inspiration to me. the way that you write is so gorgeous and i feel as if i’m in every scene. the way that you create worlds and place your readers in them is frickin’ insane! hehe i love obsessing with ya over chan any day and night! keep goin’! 

@dom--minnie ~ len, when i think of comfort, i really think of you. the way that i feel so safe with ya is like, insane. even when we first started chattin’ i just knew that we had an amazin’ thing coming hehe. from horny rambles to literally just talkin’ bout life, i am absurdly lucky to have met you here! you literally deserve everything wonderful in life and i love ya so much! 

@etherealeeknow ~ gah gen, my dear, the way that you checked up with me over my lil break just huhuhu thank you so much for being such a lovely and caring person towards me and everyone else whom you meet! you are so precious and i hope ya never forget that! 

@fight-me-m8 ~ darling and sweet rosetta, FRICK literally when i think of you oh my gosh i get the fuzzies, i’m so happy that we met and that i was able to witness the beginnings of your account! you have so so much love to give and i will fight you and give you more love back. bb i’m so happy to have you as a moot! 

@film-in-my-soul ~ alex! hehe while our friendship is still in the bb stages, i wanted to throw some love your way too!! i’m so hyped to write with you in the future and talk even more! i love how fast we clicked when we started talking about BLs AHA darlin’ you are so sweet and i can’t wait to get to know ya more! 

@formidxble ~ kim oh my god, you are a frickin’ force. when you entered this community a lil bit ago, and then made it your own, sharing with us your beautiful brain and lovely kindness, i swear the world must’ve taken a breath or something LOL you always astonish me with your works and i’m literally so excited for what the future holds for you! 

@hanflix ~ i think that i speak for so many of us here that rue, you are truly an inspiration. back when i was starting out and even now, reading your works feels like such a treat and i try to savor them all up! as a writer, i look up to you so much and as a wonderful, humble and hardworking person i look up to you as well!! thank you so much for welcoming me when i was babybinniesthighs ilsym! 

@hongnanglen-arina ~ arina my fuckin’ love oh my god if i could fly to where you are i frickin’ would!! i really think that the universe did a lil somethin’ somethin’ allowing us to meet. i feel so comfortable with you talkin’ about anything and everything especially hornies they are fkn’ unbridled. i can’t count how many times you’ve made me topple with laugher at like 3am. i’m so happy to have you in my life! 

@hyunsluvv ~ kathy istg you are one of the sweetest people i have had the pleasure of meeting on this lil corner of the internet! the care and love that you give to each of your anons, moots and in your work is truly astounding. i remember when you were just starting out i knew that big things were in store for you, and they still are! hehe

@imagineinnie ~ el, you are literally an angel if i have ever met one. it means the whole world to me when i see your dms, and the way that you check up on me and so many others goes to show the utter kindness and selflessness that you exhibit. cutie, thank you so much for always cheering me on and being such a light in this community!!

@instachans ~  kenny, although we’ve just met, i’m already so excited for our friendship to come! you are such an angel and have so much love to give, i’m so thankful that you slide into my asks hehe the future holds such amazing things for you!  

@itsapapisongo ~ javi, my dear, there’s just somethin’ about us that flows like frickin’ water. i feel like there’s the people that you meet in life that you kind of just click with, and i’m immensely grateful that i’ve met you. your love, support, hornies and lethal timing with gifs keeps me smiling. you are an astonishing writer and i feel so lucky to be here with you! 

@jisungsplatforms ~ sweet ina hehe i’m so glad that ya slid into my asks the day that you did! your vibes are so sweet and peaceful and i feel as if you and your account are such a safe place! i love, love sharing hornies with you over our boys! there is so much ahead for you my dear and i can’t wait!!! 

@mochinnie ~ omg i’ve totally said this before so many times, but i am so, so wowed by your work isa and they stick with me for like days after i read your pieces! i am so utterly inspired by you! i love your blog’s aesthetic and how you are always truthfully yourself i admire this so much! when i was starting out your works kept me goin’! thank you so much for this hehe 

@mzmezzler ~ ryan you literally deserve the whole world! not to mention that you are doing god’s work writing sub!skz! sweets, each of your pieces are so wonderful and imaginative and your lil memes and thoughts are so cute! please always keep doing you!! 

@ohmysparkle ~ sparkle: oh my gosh where can i start??? you are one fkn’ badass sparklin’ cat and my freakin’ role model. every day i am so astonished over how well spoken, wise, and reasonable you are while also being off the walls unapologetically yourself. my dear plz always shout with me about sub!hyunjin teehee 

@seungmoomin ~ nia big sexy brain!! holy shit the fkn talent in this bus? astronomical! nia i am absoluately WEAK over your writings and highkey you as a person over all! i swear, your blog is a gold mine and your personality is so wonderful i can’t put it into words LOL there’s no one quite like you and i can’t even count how many times you’ve got me dying laughing here ily!!

@yourdaddychan ~ LUNA my queen of capitalization and screaming in dms, you add a spice to my life that i didn’t know was missing. talking to you in every  format is fkn fantastic and lights up my day no matter how gloomy its been. i really feel like this is your world and i’m just livin’ in it LOL I LOVE YEW

🌹Readers🌹

@introjoonie ~ mai, this account would literally not be in existence if not for you, and it’s provided me with such happiness over these few months! thank you so much for encouraging me to let my hornies to the wind, and for listening to all my rambles about it since. thank you so much for being a lovely best friend, cheerleader and person. i’ll be seeing you soon!

@jeonglixie, @lechanters, @inlovewithasa, @pixxie-lixxie ~ my loves there is something so, so beautiful about each and every one of you, i cannot thank you enough for reading my works and for being so overwhelmingly supportive and kind with your feedback time and again. i’m so blessed to have such wonderful readers such as you! my time here on tumblr has been made by you and so many others of my unbelievably sweet readers!

@lovesfaith ~ ahh tumblr is being rude not letting me tag ya but sweets i just wanted to thank you so much for your kindness too! i adore talking with ya about astrology n’ just life and the way that you read me like a book is CRAZY haha thank you for being you Bambi! 

@meow-minho  ~ marine, every time that i see you on tumblr i am so thankful for your grace, and just lovely welcoming vibes. i am so thankful to have such a lovely person as you in my life and i can’t express how much me (and i’m sure so many other writers on here) appreciate your feedback. thank you so much!

@synnocence ~ wonderful cee, since first meeting you i feel like i’ve had the pleasure of getting to know such a wonderful human and equally amazin’ fellow bin stan! i can’t thank you enough for how much you’ve helped me grow my bin collection! dm-ing with you is always such a joy and you deserve the frickin’ world my friend!!

once again, thank you so much for poppin by and giving me a read, an ask, a dm or simply just sending bin pics my way hehe 

i hope to write much more in the future and to lash out with all the hornies that i’ve got! i can’t wait to share more with you all! thank you so much for being my motivation, as well as seggsy ass cuties who i am so lucky to share this space with!! 

have you thought about changbin’s thighs today yet? well...now you have 😉

[drawlfoy]

Wonders of Ohio P.8

masterlist (read parts 1-7 here!) request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: no ma’am this was spawned in the pits of my hell brain

summary: y/n’s family takes on a particularly mysterious exchange student, draco malfoy. fyi: this is NOT a non magic AU--draco is still a wizard

warnings: swearing, college admissions (ew), vague mentions of a car accident

a/n: hey...ahahahaha yeah so when i disappeared from the writing scene i was actually sitting on this chapter because i wanted to finish the entire scene up until draco came back home, but i haven’t quite figured out how everything is going to work in the middle of this story bc we’re getting into the thick of it. things are only going to get more and more wild and while i have the ending already written (oopsies), there’s still a lot to cover between december and august. i promise you it’ll be worth it tho--thanks so much for waiting!

word count: 2.5k

no music recs because i wrote this in november and i don’t remember ANYTHING!

tags tags tags (message me if you’d like to be tagged!) @icintliviinyiniilsiji @erisdogwood @loveissupernatural @gruffle1 @missmulti @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan

Y/N froze as she heard someone clear their throat behind her.

In any other situation, she would have fibbed, the lies rolling off her tongue and falling into a neat pile.

But this wasn’t just any situation. 

“Drac--uh, Draco,” she began, rather lamely. She wondered if he could see what she had been doing and then immediately stopped that train of thought--of course he could, she was sitting there crouched with his letters all over the floor next to her.

Y/N had never seen him look so terrible--his eyes were saucers and his fists were clenching and unclenching at his sides.

“What’s up?” she asked. Maybe I got really lucky and he hasn’t noticed yet.

His mouth opened and closed a few times as he seemed to agonize over what to say. 

“Give me those letters back,” he finally said. “And come into my room. We need to talk.”

She scrambled to get everything back into the satchel--honestly, how had all those fit into such a tiny bag?--and tossed it into his hand. He refused to make eye contact and instead yanked her into his room, shutting the door before closing the blinds.

“Uh...what’s going o--”

“Don’t play dumb,” he snapped. “You know what you read.”

She withered under his gaze, all of a sudden trained on her with a heat that could melt through iron. 

“Here’s how this is going to go,” he said tying up the satchel and tossing it into a drawer. “You’re going to sit right there and tell me everything that you know. And no lying. I can always tell.”

Something about the weight of his words told her that the last part wasn’t hyperbole. “O--okay. Um, I know that you’re kind of strange, and I know that your family definitely isn’t into politics because unless you’ve changed your name I haven’t been able to find shit on your family...I know that you’re here for some kind of punishment, or at least that’s what the letter said, and that wherever you’re from believes in, uh, magic, or something…”

Y/N had never been so scared of Draco as she was right then. He stood looming over her, his eyes calculating and cold. “You’re telling the truth.”

“Uh--how did you--”

“Is there anything else you want to know? Ask now or forever hold your peace. I promise I’ll take care of this.”

Y/N blinked. “What? What do you mean take care…”

“Don’t...just don’t ask that right now.” Draco’s demeanor made a switch from intimidating to exhausted. His previous towering presence looked more mournful than anything. 

“Ok,” said Y/N, willing to take something else over nothing. “So...why are you here? Where are you actually from? What happened to your dad?”

Draco drew in a few slow breaths. “My family’s name is Malfoy. I never lied to you about that. We’re from England, like you think. But we’re not really from the same world as you.”

He looked at her, gauging her reaction. When nothing came, he continued. “I’m...magic, as you would probably say. Like, wizards and witches and shit. Like the stuff all of you here celebrate for Halloween. Just more real.”

“You’re off your rocker is what you are,” said Y/N. “Magic isn’t real.”

“You’re right, it isn’t,” Draco replied, his tone wearing down. “Not to you. It’s very real to me.”

“Were you in a cult or something because that’s absolute batshit cra--”

“Oh my fucking God can you just listen,” he said in one long-winded breath. “Thank you. Not that it matters that much if you actually believe me and I’m not allowed to show you any magic--they almost sent me back home for spelling my hair neat that one time in the car with you--but you should believe. Did you really think you were just sick after Homecoming? Like, did you think that was the common cold or something?”

“Well…” Y/N trailed off as realization dawned on her.

“I don’t know how you got into that store, but it was magic. Whatever object you picked up did something to you. You would’ve died from muggle care--the only possible treatment was extracting whatever magic had somehow gotten inside you.”

“So you were the person in my dream.”

“Yes. Anyways. So back in England, my family got wrapped up in some...dark business with a very evil wizard. I had to do some things that I’d rather not get into, and those things were serious offenses in the eyes of the Ministry--which is like your government. I was sent here as a punishment instead of something more severe.”

Y/N snorted. “Assuming all of this is true, why did you get sent to America? Normally exchange students see trips to the US as a kind of vacation...but I do understand the part of Ohio being used as a punishment.”

His face was void of amusement. 

“I wasn’t sent here because Ohio is boring,” he said. “I was sent here to be forced to assimilate into muggle society--”

“Muggle?”

“People who aren’t magic. Anyways, that was the punishment. Having to live with and associate with muggles, far enough away from home that I faced no threat of vigilantism and couldn’t escape.”

“Oh.” Y/N deflated into her seat as it all began to hit her. So that was why Draco was so disgusted with her. There was a reason why some gut feeling told her that he would never see her like....that.

“Anyways, for the less exciting part.” Draco turned to rifle around the jewelry box they’d kept in the guest room. “It’s crucial to the safety of my people that you don’t know about us. Muggles get scared, and sometimes they hurt us. They nearly wiped us out a few generations ago.” 

He turned around, wielding a small wooden cube that glimmered in the light. “I’m really sorry, Y/N. I have to do this. If they know you know, they’ll send me away.”

“Do...what?” She stared up at him as he approached, holding the square out in his palms. “Draco, what’s going--”

“I told you I’d take care of it,” he said, his tone pleading. “I’m going to make you forget.”

~

Y/N eyes flickered open. It was chilly in her room--one look confirmed the fact that her window was wide open--but she had a thick blanket pulled over her. As she shed the last pulses of drowsiness, one thought bubbled to the surface: 

That fucker.

She sat up, threw the blankets off her bed, and started towards the guest room.

“Hey,” she said, yanking the door open and standing in front of a very surprised Draco. “Nice try. Are we actually gonna talk this through, or are you gonna put me to sleep again?” 

“Wha-”

“I remember everything, dipshit. Especially the part where you didn’t let me say my piece before you knocked me out.”

“I-”

“Try and steal my memories again and it’s on sight, Draco.” Y/N sucked in a deep breath and finally slumped down onto his bed. “You were saying?”

“How did you...er...you’re not supposed to remember me,” he said. “Do you have any magic blood in your family? Do you know?”

“Look around. If we had magic blood we wouldn’t be living in Ohio.”

“I’m not joking around.” He joined her and laid back. Y/N tried to not make a mental note of how a few strands of his hair brushed up against her cheek for a second. He smelled of peppermint and pine. “There’s no reason why that shouldn’t have worked. You definitely aren’t magic--I can feel it, no offense--and that Obliviation cube was explicitly created to work on muggles and wipe specific memories of magic.”

“I guess I’m just better.”

“Not funny. I’m definitely going to get sent to some random village in...I don’t know, Siberia for this. And your whole family will be obliviated. The whole point of me telling you was so I could get you to understand why I had to wipe your memory.”

“That’s horribly disrespectful, you know. Not even asking for my consent before doing such a thing? Try again.”

“I will,” he said, sitting up and grabbing the cube again. 

Y/N sprung up and scooted away. “Wait! Wait! That was a joke! Can’t we just talk this through? I’m a really good liar.”

“Lying doesn’t matter in front of the Ministry. They have their ways.”

“And what’s the Ministry going to do?” she asked. “Because, right now, it looks like I know about your secret and they’re not knocking down my door yet. Are they seriously going to break into my own home and perform some kind of lie detector test on me out of the blue? Are they really gonna cause a scene like that? No? I didn’t think so.”

Draco looked even paler than usual as he examined her from the other side of the bed, his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed. “I hope you’re grasping the severity of this. This isn't a fun little joke. This is the difference between my community living or dying.”

“I get that. But if I say I’m not going to tell anyone, then how is your community at risk?”

“You can’t promise me that.”

“Draco.” Her tone was strong enough to make him snap his head up and meet her eyes. “You saved my life. I’ve lived with you for almost 3 months. Trust me when I say I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. Swear on my life.”

The silence was tangible between the two as he stood there staring.

“You have to trust me,” said Y/N. “Please.”

Draco met her eyes again, a type of helplessness written so deeply into the etches of his face that he nearly looked like a different person than the proud, posh British boy that was usually him. “Okay.”

“Okay.” She let out a sigh of relief as he put the cube back into the drawer. 

“Don’t get too comfortable, though,” he told her. “Once I figure out how to fix this, I won’t need to trust you anymore.”

“You’ve been trusting me with your life since the moment you got into a car with me for the first time. Do you have any idea how many teenagers crash on the freeway? I don’t get why this is so different.”

He scowled. “I think it’s very obviously different.”

“I can pull up the stats for you real quick if you want. Just so you can grasp the severity of the situation that you’re minimizing right now.”

“Damn it, Y/N, you don’t understand!” Draco slammed his hands on the dresser, the wood making a loud smack sound as it connected with his palms. She jumped. “All my life I’ve been...You just don’t understand.”

“You have no other option, Draco,” said Y/N. 

“I...I know.”

~

The next few weeks were profoundly uncomfortable. If it wasn’t just for the fact that there had been a burglar turned home invader turned...whatever on the loose, Y/N was now dealing with the fact that her world as she knew it was turning upside down.

Draco was magic. He was different, and while this at first had been difficult for Y/N to believe, she began to realize just how much sense it made. The way the most ordinary of daily objects confused him...his discomfort with using the internet...his distaste for all of the people he met…either he was raised under a legitimate rock or he was telling the truth....

And perhaps the most conclusive revelation regarded his stance on his feelings towards her. After that night at Sylvia’s, Y/N had begun to think that there might be something there, or at least that something there might’ve been possible.

Now she knew that it wasn’t. And she had to be okay with that.

Draco was for the most part normal apart from the fact that his wariness around her was obvious. She could feel him keeping a close eye on her in the halls when she spoke with her friends. Sometimes he’d even level a look in her direction, a clear demand written all over his face: Not a word. You promised.

Evening teas stopped entirely. Draco ate in his room for breakfast and seldom said anything on the rides to and from school, and, to be entirely honest, it helped. She could feel her hopeless crush become weaker as the month of November wore on. Her giddy excitement towards a possible love interest was directed to the nervous dwellings on her UChicago application. 

Results were out on December 3rd, and she was absolutely buzzing. Fuck weird blond boys that came into her life and told her of an entire mystical and magical world out there--the gothic, hallowed architecture of UChicago was waiting for her. 

“Honey, it’s almost 5!” 

“I know.”

Y/N sat, cross legged on her bed, as she looked at the email she’d received moments ago from UChicago. In 3 minutes, the portal would open up. And her fate would be decided.

“Don’t open it yet, your father and I are coming!” Mrs. Y/L/N yelled from the kitchen. 

She smiled--for once, her father had managed to take a night off of work to be there for her. The only person missing in their home was Draco, and she supposed that he didn’t count anymore. At least not in the classic way. 

5:00pm.

“Hold on, hold on.” Her father’s voice carried down the hall, paired with the sound of feet thumping up the stairs.

Her parents appeared in the doorway, rushing to her and peeking over her shoulder.

“Are you ready to open it?” Mrs. Y/L/N asked, placing her hand on Y/N’s shoulder. 

“Uh...yes.” Her stomach flipped as she pressed her mouse over the blue hyperlink, directing the screen to show a login page. She wasn’t quite sure what it would look like--perhaps her decision would be right there when she logged in--but despite her racing thoughts, she input her portal information, pressed enter, and squeezed her eyes shut.

Dead silence.

“Honey.”

Her mother’s voice was strife with...some kind of emotion, whatever it was. Y/N dared to pry her eyelids open just a pinch, giving her just enough vision to read out the clear “CONGRATULATIONS” spanning the entirety of her page.

“Oh my god. Oh my god!”

The euphoria that followed was indescribable. Her father’s arms, encircling her shoulders in a way he hadn’t done since she was a child, her mother’s professions of how proud she was...incredible.

The only thing sullying it was a Draco shaped figure looming in the doorway once the hysteria died down.

“What happened?”

“I got into UChicago!” she exclaimed, her voice brimming with enthusiasm. 

He simply stared at her, his gaze cool and uninterested. Y/N felt all the joy drain from her face. “I hate to butt in, but I have some news too. I’ll be traveling back home for the holidays.”

“Oh.” Irritation was written clear as day across Mrs. Y/L/N’s face. “When will you be leaving?”

“Tomorrow.”

final a/n: heyyyyyy everyone let me know what you thought. what do you guys think will happen next chapter? how do you think this is going to end overall? ik this is a draco x reader but do you guys think that draco still has a ways to go before he can have feelings for y/n? or does he already have them? im inch rested please lmk your thoughts

also my endless apologies to ohioans i did not mean to add the slander in there ik that plenty of you are lovely people <3 cancel me if you wish 

[zathechaosgod]

Favourite Stream Moments!

Streamed by Philza on Twitch on Wednesday 2nd of December 2020

Hardcore boi is here!

Also check out his 1mil celebration video if you haven’t yet! (and read the description lmao)

We can hear him playing in the bg already lmao

Haircut Pog!

Starting at the wither skeleton farm today

Garden time babeeyyyy

oh no sad hardcore lore

he and she kissed for the first time at the swing and this turned the tree into soulsand :((((((

FISH STREAM 2 MINS IN LETS GO

Gapple gang catch up first though!

Vods might have to get (partly) nuked soon rip

S P L A S H

Aww Kristin had her first ever tooth pulled today (in the uk by a british dentist, even)

She cracked it a while ago but only got pain recently

And no dentists nearby would take a new patient

Private dentist, bc she isn’t on NHS yet and they’ll take her

They had to wait outside until they were fetched, any and all covid measures taken (which was actually reassuring)

He was prepared to sit in the waiting room, but he’s allowed to go in with her!

Then the dentist asks when the last time Kristin went to the dentist is

(who hasn’t been since she was a kid)

which, thankfully he was kinda okay with it (the american thing probs helped lmao)

so he examines the tooth, takes an x-ray to examine the damage

and either they could leave it and wait until it becomes a bigger problem, or they could yoink it out that day

(and phil immediately went “that one” at that lmao)

so she got the injection against the pain

And phil is just,,, holding himself bc he knows the awful feeling of having teeth pulled out

and so when the dentist starts to pull and like,, rock back and forth to get it out

and Kristin just starts LAUGHING

so the dentist is just stone cold pulling that tooth out, as Kristin is giggling while being rocked back and forth, and Phil is trying not to laugh at the side

and finally the tooth comes out (and it’s a chonky boi)

long story short it cost like 130 pounds and they’ve got the covid situation under lock and key

Kristin has got a sore gum and should be completely fine in a few days

although she’s salty about not being allowed to drink today bc of the painkiller from the whole thing

(Also there’s new scam train emotes!)

“teeth are alive”

chat is getting cursed again bc of the teeth story, so time to go do productive stuff

Ian made a 2:30 put to Kristin and Phil didn’t catch it lmao

r/woosh

THE FRIDGE IS NOW CANONICALLY IN A DUMP SOMEWHERE

(i actually don’t think it helps, phil)

new nether void project!

mini lava lake, with ships in them!

(like,,, at most some lave striders will spawn in them)

The ships will be coming in through a portal!

aaand now we’re looking up when microwaves were invented (due to a dono’s story)

(They’ve existed since 1946, btw)

Also tommy is here and he says “fuck microwaves”

and “i don’t use microwaves makes my shit funny”

oh god here come the microwave stories

tommy is very passionate about microwaves today apparently

oof he wants to build the ship coming from diagonally? that’s gonna be a pain to build

BOOMERINNIT

Tubbo told Phil recently about how you can’t just go off do your own thing at 16 when you stop going to school, you have to go to a college or an apprenticeship or something until you’re 18 and Phil just,,, never realised this bc he went to college and just didn’t think about it

(which is probs the reason why tubbo and tommy are still actually going to college lmao)

Correction made by Ian: this wasn’t a thing back in the old days

RICH BOI EAR CHECK

(aka several wither for those of you that don’t know)

L O U D E R

Phil just learned there is no free post-secondary education in north america rip

also this boy took a-levels in photography, media and art and didn’t even go to his classes

it’s funny Phil still thinks anyone making important decisions in the us wants to increase the edcuation/wealth/prosperity of the country lmao

also for US peeps: 5head do your first 2 years at a community college then transfer to a better one for the same degree at like half the price

EARCHECK LMAO HE ONLY JUST GOT BACK

the person is getting called out for it lmaooooo

Phil might unleash a long hair pic on us uh oh

we’ve gone from microwaves to ramen to learning trades and weird jobs and we’re less than two hours in

and now Ian has got a first class honours masters degree in love

“is it gonna be today? let’s find out boys, let’s find out” phil narrating the chill part of chat’s thought

He thinks he’ll most likely die to fall damage, void damage or kinetic damage (from flying into a wall trying to flee the warden)

also bc i just realised i hadn’t noted that down yet but we’re now building a leafblock frame for the portal!

also this will probs be the last build in the nether void

which is sad but i’m also really excited for what big build is gonna be next

words of advice from phil: NEVER LIVE TO WORK! work to live and then do and grow in stuff that you’re actually interested in outside of it!

So many cool ideas for the portal,,, they all sound awesome tbh

Annnd now we’re talking about carson showing granny boob on stream

which, first of all don’t do that buds, second of all if it does happen, stop your stream, delete your vod and the clips, and start over like nothing happened

Portal is gonna have an actual portal!

And everything that sticks out will just be hidden behind a curtain of black concrete, bc it’ll just become invisible with the void background

rip struggles with max portal size

NVM ACTUAL PORTALS GHAST CAN SPAWN IN IT THIS WAS A GOOD TEST RUN GOODBYE PORTAL

also phil wants to get more into the habit of doing random discord streams (bc they’re dmca free so he can play whatever he wants)

but there’s like a 50 people limit so first come first serve

dream smp is fun to play bc it’s more early game instead of endgame, but chat is just unreadable sometimes then

Exploding lettuce person is still here to remind us of whatever that stream was

Anyway, portal attempt 2: basalt and pretty glass!

both chat and phil are now just catjamming to Somewhere else by Muzz!

It’s such a good song and now reminds everyone of the terra swoop force run

someone put somewhere else on beat saber pls

“dadza your child is going insane” “which one”

i’m kinda curious when dream smp chat will learn that phil does whatever he wants, which includes completely ignoring any dream smp drama when he’s playing hardcore

B O N K go to horny jail @ mermaid stripper dono

Phil is just surprised at this point that people are still surprised at tommy starting wars lmao

honestly i love phil but i absolutely hate his ice chewing

also i’m like actually envious of his elytra skills king

pee break lmao

little blade is sending us dream smp updates while dad’s gone lmao

alsp @ everyone who doesn’t know: spamming 7 will get you timed out, don’t do it especially if someone in tts tells you to

dad’s back! he saved us from endless sevens

“we aren’t all evil” “hmmm, doubt.”

how does a man just forget about 8 double chests of filled with glass?

(also i just saw tubbo’s exile tommy poll lmao)

elytra glitch but it’s just the “loud sound” one and not the “might die” one

LAYERED GLASS TO THE BACK OF THE PORTAL POG

KUBBI TIME

Phil wants to get this project finished before the end of the month/year, so he might go hard on the hardcore stream these upcoming weeks

Momza will use a squirtgun to force him to focus on editing and hardcore lmao

Altho Phil says no squirtgun allowed bc electronics + water = bad time

Phil is pretty much the gatekeeper (gates of heaven style, not the exclusionist sort) of hardcore

If people die in hardcore, they need to get mourned and blessed by dadza and his chat before they start a new one

Phil is explaining again how circumstances basically forced him to be at his weakest right before he died in season 2 (he’s told it before in the stream in techno’s base)

(i also have twitter open and i’m really gonna have to watch back the vods for dream smp tomorrow huh)

People are now memeing the “I did this and this in hardcore... and then I died” lol

“thank you dad for doing the thing”

First base layer of the portal is done!! It already looks pog

Also have I told y’all how much I enjoy it when random people get called out by like, siblings and stuff, on stream

bc it’s hilarious

Phil can see tommy become a more coherent xqc?

Well Rip Tommy ig

Also rip Tubbo’s stream I don’t think it could handle 160+K (which, POG WTF)

He’s auto hosting Philza now

(also other livestream bit: WILBURS ENTIRE SPOTIFY WRAPPED IS HAMILTON LMAOOOO)

Rip there’s 80K people here now bc of Tubbo’s host/raid lmao

Phil thinks Tubbo should move out lol bc the internet sucks so much

oh no ian why would you do this

he told the tubbo raid/host to type 7 in chat whyyyyy

chaotic neutral that man, i swear

okay so basically tommy and fundy raided tubbo which brike his stream awww

More advice of the day: use Chatterino to be able to actually view your chat

“Dadza your kids are fighting again” “but i’m making a cool portal :((((((“

He’ll have a chat with tubbo after stream if the boy wants to

Phil is considering abandoning l’manburg if dream goes on with the obsidian walls

(which, mood)

Also Phil is fully aware of the fact that ranboo lacks the spine to ever say no to the plans tommy comes up with

Also apparently techno was lurking while all of this was going down?

Phil refuses to give his opinion on the exile tommy poll lol

Lol he threw steak just as through the portal and then panicked a lil bit when he picked it up again in the overworld

“angry green man?”

Chat suggested Phil and Techno just burn the discs “if the children can’t play nice with the toys, they can’t have them at all” 

Phil thinks that goes to far tho

Technoblade came by just to say “I am the king of feminism” 

Phil thinks there’s so much contradicting that statement he doesn’t even know where to begin lol

SNOOP DOG TIME

420 subs pog

Every time he says he’ll lose 20k viewers due to it and every time it’s really not that bad lol

Everyone who clicks away is weak, regardless

only a 1000 this time (also it’s going down every stream he plays it lol)

Anyway, back to business, the magenta edge is already looking pog

Also i giggle a lil bit every time people spam s5 in the chat every time he does something dangerous/just falls off of something lol, some people just want to watch Philza die (again)

Shoutout to the people replying with “VC PHILZA” when others start spamming to vc some other cc lmao

F in the chat for Techno joinging a vc he wasn’t supposed to join rip

“Friendly reminder: Blocks have eyes. That is a line of sight. Have fun sleeping tonight!”

Ohhhh crying obsidian added to the portal!

“Time to listen to zombie piglins die. Music to my ears, a nightmare to Techno’s.”

Phil wants to make a similar farm on the dream smp but he’s gonna ask dream for permission first (bc Phil is an actual adult who knows he can get further by actually asking for permission for stuff)

And now we wait until porky has finished bartering for a good 4 stacks of gold ingots

(he definitely needs a better bartering set up)

Someone commented that the gold might despawn bc he threw like four stacks so que Phil dramatically whining while flying back to the piglin grinder and opening the first of his double chests of gold lmao

Phil’s only advice for starting streamers: go scatter your content everywhere, stream on youtube and watch/ask streamers who acutally know what they’re doing

Fun fact: Phil’s favourite war crime is the ones he committed in smp earth lmao

PHIL WAS THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO THOSE ORPHANS

“i mean, tommy got murdered like every other day, i just threw airstrikes at him whenever i had a chance” about smp earth

(oh how the times have changed)

“would you prefer it if i looked at him? or should we ignore him. like the pleb he is.”

he was about to show us his selfportrait he did for art, but the greenscreen is covering most of it :(

“quackity is griefing your house” “oh no, anyway”

Niki raid!!

I vibe with Phil talking about tiny dog syndrome, where small dogs are just little demons lol

I’m a big dog kinda person what gave it away

people said tommy is like a tiny dog then, but tommy is funny, not just loud!!!

Phil talked about the difference between dogs and cats and my mind just went “TOMMY AND TECHNO?”

Phil once made the mistake of drinking three pints of monster energy drink with vodka rip

General advice: don’t drink them at all or at least not more that one in a day

Now everyone is just either talking about their pets or about alcohol and energy drinks (and mixes of the two lmao)

Phil doesn’t think he should be doing drunk streams anymore bc he’s got more people watching and he’s gotta be a good example :(((

(Momza says she’s always drunk tho lmao)

Phil messed up by ordering redbull vodka’s while out drinking with like,, executives back at his retail job

he probably would’ve become a manager or something if he hadn’t

(so it all worked out for the best! he’s happier now than he’d probably have been then)

Phil apparently either had to witness stuff and keep it under wraps, or just completely missed things that like, literally everyone else knew lmao

Phil talked about how Formed by Glaciers and Somewhere New are his favourite Kubbi songs while the first was palying and like,,, just immediately Somewhere New followed it up like spotify became sentient lmaoo

Time to get back to placing crying obsidian!

(also Formed by Glaciers is the song from the 5-year montage and Somewhere New from the Endlantis montage!)

uhoh he had hitboxes on and something with eyes looked at him from through the wall

“The void looks back”

ALSO the portal looks absolutely gorgeous with the crying obsidian lighting up the edges just a little bit

*que EA rant on the gambling thing* honestly i’m so glad they’ve outlawed that stuff in europe

“surprise gamemechanics” yeah suuuuure

EA sucks, to summarize

Portal with shaders looks POGGGG

Quackity raid!

chat on stream is frozen again rip

“I head you fucked up my house? Big Q?” *zooms in on face*

Phil’s played with Kristin on a backup and like, fished in endlantis and stuff “and I murdered her, but she had it coming”

Time for the obligatory explanation of the nether void again now that 20k dream smp viewers visited

And Endlantis time!

It’s so funny to see the dream smp viewers just be amazed at what a minecraft world could be, if only people fixed their creeper holes lmao

“Going for the 5-year record” *crosses fingers*

ANNNND we’re going on a warden rant again

The warden, for those who don’t know yet, is meant to literally be like a natural disaster, and it will not drop anything

Literally the only thing you can do is run away

For a moment Phil thought it was a thunder storm, but it’s just rain :(

lol it literally stopped raining as soon as he got back inside again

Enderchest tour!

also use cauldrons filled with water to get rid of being on fire in the nether (5head)

Named-items-on-the-walls tour pog

Chat is spammind “DA WINKY?” now

“Todd and Antoine. They’re save from being yeeted. for now.”

We’re just doing a full tour again lol

Including the broken not-available-anymore villager with the bookcase/book trade!

Battle of Endlantis Pog! (DEFINITELY check out the video on this one, it’s the most hype thing ever I think)

Also that dupe is still in game probs lmao

in the words of Philza himself “Tommy does not belong in government”

GARBAGE DAY

[aiden-png]

to celebrate the end of 2020, I’ve decided to share the highlights of the writing I did this year! I’m going to share a few of my favorite snippets from 2020, and I think this could be a fun tag meme to invite friends to join in on so they can appreciate their progress and hard work too! I couldn’t have written so much if it wasn’t for the great online community supporting me and all my wonderfully talented friends!!

I’m gonna tag @freshie-writes @silverdragon-imagines-blog @st0rmy-writes @fuckit-hero-of-trains @no-themes-just-memes @timeturner-jay and anyone else who wants to join in, feel free! you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but you all wrote amazing things this year and I’m gonna appreciate you for them!!

snippets below the cut (please do this or make a new post if you wanna join, just so we don’t flood everyone’s dashboard lol!)

it’s difficult to count for certain, but across 7 google docs from April to December 2020, I wrote 324,782 words just of Legend of Zelda fanfic! it’s been a crazy fun year and I think my writing has improved a ton since I started writing fic again in April! thank you all for supporting me through the last 9 months!! <3

here’s a highlight of some of my favorite excerpts from fics I wrote this year! Smoke on the Wind and Dream With Me are two of my favorite pieces I wrote this year for angst, while Four Feet of Pure Flirtation and Lessons in Love are my favorites for crack/fluff :D the other snippets are featured bc I’m proud of how the fics turned out !

Dream With Me: June 28, 2020 Legend and Hyrule sat on the beach, a mere two feet separating them. It felt like much more. Farther than they’d ever been apart before. The other heroes stumbled onto the sand, frozen in shock as they took in the scene before them. Legend, knife drawn and hands shaking dangerously. Hyrule, knees buried in the sand and hands held over his chest, trying desperately not to reach out again. The sun was rising, pinks disappearing into vibrant gold and crushed purple and bright blue. As dawn broke, their vision wavered. Hyrule gasped, Legend blurring before him, the sand beneath him fading, the roar of the waves diminishing. Magic hour was ending. “This isn’t a dream,” Hyrule whispered, and Legend’s shoulders shook with silent sobs. “I’m real. I’m here. Legend, come with me.” Hyrule stretched out his arm, fingers splayed, eyes begging. Legend flinched back, dagger slipping from shaking fingers. He stared, disbelieving. Vertigo consumed Hyrule’s senses, his vision clouding with black dots. “Take my hand, Legend!” Hyrule cried, and Legend jumped. He sprung forward, hand grasping. Hyrule felt nothing as Legend’s hand passed through his. “Hyrule!” He blinked, and found himself in an unfamiliar field, reaching towards sunrise.

Smoke on the Wind: August 7, 2020 Wind hadn’t always had this ability, but before his second adventure, before the ghosts became tangible to his skin and visible to his eyes, he still had a sixth sense of sorts to rely on. Back then he’d called it instinct, but now he called it a curse. It never helped him do better on his adventure, never showed him the way, never allowed him to prevent someone’s demise--only forced him to bear witness to it in all its excruciatingly gory detail. Some spoke of death like a mercy, others like a boon. Wind knew death like an old friend and he despised it with all the rage contained in his tiny body. Some feared death, some prayed for its delay. Wind feared no man, god, or figment of imagination. There was no reason to fear something he couldn’t prevent, there was no reason to pray to something that would never hear or listen. Some ran from death, some hid. Wind stared death in the eye and spat in its face. He thrust a magical fucking sword through its head and banished it to a watery grave.

Four Feet of Pure Flirtation: June 26, 2020 Maybe he should have shared just a tad bit more with them, but that was a regret for future Four to deal with. And really, he hadn’t been expecting it himself, so they couldn’t exactly blame him when Dark Link materialized in their camp one morning and sent Four’s heart racing in an unfamiliar-familiar way. Four felt the heat crawl up his chest, felt his tongue loosen, felt his eyes trail over Dark’s lithe form just a bit too slow to be innocent. No one had told him Dark was attractive. Although, Vio reminded him, we are the only ones attracted to villains. We are most decidedly not! Four shot back. The denial was empty. They most decidedly were.

Hero Through the Ages: June 19, 2020 Wild sighed, chin resting on his knees. He glanced over at Sky, feeling anxiety buzz within him as a question pushed at the back of his mind. “Hey, Sky… does the sword still recognize me?” Sky froze at the unexpected question, eyes searching Wild’s carefully schooled expression. Wild felt his anxiety rise but he held his ground as the older hero tentatively reached back and unsheathed the Master Sword. He closed his eyes for a moment, and Wild tried hard not to notice the new eyes on them as he waited for Sky’s response. He knew what the answer should be, but when the other slowly opened his eyes and held the sword out for Wild, it was still conflicting to feel the familiar weight of it in his hands. Not too heavy. Not burning. Perfectly at home, as if he’d just begun his adventure and still had many years left before the Calamity struck. Wild felt a pit in his stomach as he handed the sword back, Sky’s concerned gaze not helping. “How old were you when you pulled the sword?” Sky asked quietly, and Wild stared at his hands as they trembled slightly in his lap. “Too young.”

A Shower to Remember: July 4, 2020 Enter Twilight and Wild. TWILIGHT     I can see thee up th’re.     Come hither.     I simply wish to speak with thee.

Enter Legend to Shower Crashers. LEGEND     all’s well that ends well, I believe our plan hath been a success. cheers to thee all. FOUR     didst thou not see     Wild running     for his life not     a minute past? LEGEND     that is’t his problem, not mine.

Lessons in Love: July 9, 2020 The offer though, that’s what truly made Legend pause. Show you the ropes, he’d said. He should be insulted that Ravio thought he was that hopeless, but the man wasn’t wrong. Legend was absolutely, positively hopeless, evidenced by the situation he now found himself in. Should he say no and move on? Should he accept--and then what? Maybe he should laugh it off, say he was joking, or perhaps he should come clean now and tell Ravio how he felt? But he still didn’t know if Ravio felt the same, those dark eyes betraying nothing in the fading light of sunset. So, naturally, Legend continued to panic. “What do you mean by ‘show me the ropes’?” Legend asked, quick, defensive enough to pass as insulted. Ravio snorted, tasting the hot chocolate, and Legend’s eyes were drawn to his lips once more as if under a spell. “I mean no offense, Link,” Ravio laughed, seeming not to catch the blush on Legend’s face as Ravio used his name. “I just figured you might want some pointers. Flirting, hand holding, relationship advice, y’know? You don’t have to accept the offer by any means!” Flirting? Hand holding? Legend gulped. He was already an idiot. Maybe he could play dumb for a little while longer…

Scars: June 2, 2020 “I used to try and cover myself in public--I didn’t like the way people would whisper or stare when they saw. But eventually I came to accept the scars as part of me. I remembered how I got them, and I realized I wouldn’t be the person I am today without the journey that led to me getting these scars. And I like who I am…” Wild trailed off, sifting sand through his fingers as Warriors listened. “I’ve come to love my scars, because they hold such important memories for me. Even if some of the memories aren’t so great, I wouldn’t be who I am today without them, you know? And I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

Beneath the Surface: July 13, 2020 For the first few months he had lied to himself, blaming the others or the weather or Shadow or Vaati or anything rather than admitting he had a problem. But Blue did, in fact, have a problem, and fighting and yelling it out wasn’t the healthiest solution. For the others it was easy. Green had Vio, for Wind could rarely move Earth, and Red got along with everyone he was so full of love to give. But Blue wasn’t good at teamwork, he wasn’t good at strategizing, and he wasn’t good at showing affection--he was good at being angry, and that was it. He was the protector, the toughest of them all in strength and will; but when you’re always protecting others, no one protects you. Not like Blue made it easy for the others to approach him, and he didn’t blame them for giving up. They were all struggling, they all had their own issues, and while Wind was a gentle breeze and Fire a warming comfort and Earth a steady rock--Water was impossible to hold down. He was forever changing, flowing, and while it meant that he could adapt well to new situations, it also meant that every time he felt close to getting a handle on his emotions they would slip from his grasp once more. His magic ebbed and swayed and his emotions followed their tide, not his, and so he pushed others away rather than admit he couldn’t handle himself. If protecting them meant distancing himself, then so be it.

The Point of No Return: June 19, 2020 He turned back to Four, brushing the back of his hand across his cheek. He’d wanted to share a meal with his partner. He’d wanted to see Four’s small smile--just for him--as he tried Hylian food for the first, second, hundredth time. Long ago, they’d promised to travel the world together. Four wanted to share everything with him; wanted to show him the forge, wanted him to meet his Grandfather, wanted to take him to see the Minish. After the adventure, Four had promised. He’d be free to go and do whatever he wanted, right by Four’s side. Well, he was at his side now. And this was not what they’d promised each other.

A Major Test of Strength: May 7, 2020 Even being worthy of the Triforce of Courage didn’t mean he was brave enough to act on, or even think, about how he felt about Sidon. He reasoned it was better not to say anything, especially now. He was going off to a battle he may not return from. Even if he burned to know if Sidon felt the same, it would be selfish to ask knowing he may be leaving for the last time. Link would rather go to the grave with his feelings then leave Sidon alone with them. At least if he died before confessing, Sidon would be able to move on, he hoped. Sidon was his best friend, and that was enough for now.

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

okay I know it seems like I'm shitposting here and I am, but... I'm also not.

as a trans person I'm finding the online world increasingly stressful to navigate (the real world continues to be exactly as stressful as it always was, but online was MEANT to be better). it feels like everywhere I look there's outrage and violence and the only stories people seem interested in telling about people like me are full of violence of the variety that specifically happens because they're trans (so none of this "well everyone in this book suffers").

and like. I would get it, if they were trans authors. I have written books like that myself, as an act of catharsis, as an act of processing all the bullshit fuckery of this world. I have read books by trans authors that explore transphobia and left me sobbing and hollowed out and yet still felt like a reclamation and an act of validation because ultimately they were about a trans character facing down violence and surviving, not being narratively punished for the act of daring to be trans in a story that didn't want them.

and sometimes, you know, the differences are subtle. there's no checklist: this is okay to write, this isn't, cis people can say x but not y. but there's just something underlying about those stories where you can TELL if the person who wrote them is writing as an act of personal catharsis, digging deep into their own fears and experiences, or if they're doing it as a tearjerker/because they think that's genuinely what all trans narratives are like. and after a while you start to believe that it is, because that fucks you up, never getting to see stories where you just exist. or even just getting to see stories where the violence you face isn't for character development, it's a shitty obstacle that you move past. I'm not even asking for happy stories at this point. I just don't want the crux and turning point of my life to be how others choose to degrade me.

and if it's not shitty ya fiction it's terfs in academia unwilling to find a modicum of human decency, writing letters about how outraged they are about the idea of *gasp* using somebody's correct pronouns. and it's replies on twitter to people who call this out, telling us we're delusional and wrong. and it's queer discourse and exclusionists and everyone who ever makes you doubt if you're even allowed to have community and support. and it's ex-friends where you're never sure why they cut you off but you think it's something to do with your relationship to queerness vs theirs and you know you're better off without someone who thinks you're not "queer" enough when every goddamn day of your life is a battle bc you don't adequately perform gender to anyone's standards, but you still kinda miss them and you wish there was a way you could fix this.

and then you go out into the real world and it's a two year wait for an initial appointment at the GIC and god knows how many years after that before surgery is on the table, and it's being asked why you're in one set of public toilets even while you know you'd never pass well enough to use the other, and it's your family continuing to call you by gendered terms and the wrong pronouns (and being GRATEFUL for that because at least they didn't kick you out or yell at you and you learn to be happy with such small crumbs when you see your friends starving), and it's being terrified every time you go somewhere new because you don't know whether to come out or not, and it's taking off your pronoun pin when you take the bus home, and it's lying on forms you can't fill in honestly and being given a title that isn't yours and answering to the wrong name and endless bureaucratic violence

and I'm just

so goddamn TIRED

and it feels like every time I'm online a weight just settles heavier on my chest, the world screaming at me to stop existing like this. all I want is to exist. all I want is to feel safe. but I'm never safe, because I don't adequately Do Gender the way you want me to do gender. I can be mistaken for a boy and then for a girl, five minutes apart in the same outfit and context, and I have no idea what "gender signals" I'm giving out to give people that impression, so I don't even know what I'd have to do to consistently appear as one thing or another. I can't hide! I can't be anything other than visibly queer! and I want to CELEBRATE that because that's always what I wanted, to be difficult to put in a box, yet these days all I can think about is how dangerous it is, how easily it could be used against me

the world is so much better than it was five years ago. the world is exactly as bad as it was five years ago. the world is more aware of people like me and that means there are more people who know enough about me to hate me.

I am so tired of being afraid.

I am so tired of murdering myself a little every day to avoid it all. of that endless self-violence of swallowing pronouns and names and corrections, of taking off my badges or walking a different route, of deciding CONSTANTLY "this isn't worth the fight we'd have about it", because I know that it doesn't matter what I say, it's never going to change the attitudes of the people around me: it will only make me unsafe.

I'm so tired.

and so, at this point, I just want to lie down in a bog and let it have me. because there's no discourse in the bog. no terfs in the bog. just a stubborn fuck you refusal to disappear: you want my body gone, but my body will STILL BE HERE. my self will still be here. I refuse to decompose under your hatred, to shed my skin and let my bones crumble away until I become what you want me to become. years after your bigotry loses its power, I'll have stuck around. wrinkled, maybe, and tougher than before, but this bog body ain't rotting.

fuck terfs. bog mummies say TRANS RIGHTS