#like i was TRULY just fighting for my life then and itd been a while since i had a nightmare like that

[puhpandas]

was thinking last night about the direction the fnaf story is going and I was thinking about vanny cassie. like vanny cassie would be such a perfect villain because it brings vanny back to the spotlight and cassie has a connection to Gregory as a friend.

her arc would be so tragic in every way and she wouldnt know what or who to believe. she would believe she was abandoned by Gregory again (in this case he didnt cut the elevator) like all her friends and her dad did and that vanny is a friend. both manipulation and supernatural mind control stuff like glitchtrap did to vanessa to create vanny.

and 3 stars could be the protags in a post hw2 dlc game that's big and free roam story like sb. I think Gregory would be a better choice as player because he would have the best reason to chase after cassie; shes his friend. vanessa would be very important also because like. Vannys back. and now she has a family and another kid shes gonna fight like hell for.

"the family missed the greatest opportunity of their lives" vanessa didnt destroy vanny glitchtrap and mimic when she should have, and now they're back. and she isnt gonna run away scared this time. shell finally end them for good

and also Vannys motivation. since vanny killed glitchtrap (probably to take his place as big bad bunny virus) this makes you wonder why shes doing this. we dont know why glitchtrap did it either so I guess the same reason as him. shes supposed to be reluctant tho so? idk what's changed. but we'll go with building the monarchy evil pyramid back up

so vanny would be trying to get all of the followers back, or maybe shes still following mimics orders and it wants them back. could have a potential rebellion plot from vanny at the end but that's besides my point

the point is itd be such a fun spot to reveal ggy. Vanessa's been hiding it from Gregory to protect him, maybe freddy too, and Gregory has no idea and just knows he has tons of memory loss. hes moved past it to live his new life, but after doing all this to get Cassie back, it turns out vanny wants all the followers back and hey, why is she talking about 2?? who is dr rabbit?? why is she after me??

I just think theres a lot of potential in a plot like that for all characters. Vanessa's arc as vanny is already so interesting but cassie has an obviously very similar arc becoming vanny but also so different. she would be manipulated while shes alone hurting and believing she was betrayed with abandonment issues and taken advantage of. vanny would be using her as a vessel, so theyd have to get her out of cassie to kill her for good.

and if Gregory had to find out about ggy at this point, itd be a big deal but also truly make that connection between cassie and Gregory. no matter who cut the elevator Gregory would feel at fault because he either did it or wasnt fast enough to stop cassie before it happened. so he would have to confront condemning cassie to the same fate his family and now apparently HE went through and that's his best friend man. and also not to mention the concpet of vanessa and cassie of course

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for inviting my cousin to an LGBT meet up?

Cw: mentions of suicide and transphobia

I (18M) am a trans man and my cousin N (21F) is a lesbian who is very masc presenting. We're the only queer cousins in the family (at least in our generation) so weve always been good friends and shes been one of the biggest supporters of my transition, defended me from bigoted family members and always corrected family when they used my deadname/old pronouns. I lowkey hoped she would come out as a trans man or nonbinary as well. We dress in the same style which makes it so when were hanging out together one of us is gonna get misgendered since people asume both of us are trans men or masc girls. When N is the one being misgendered she doesnt bother fighting it since its more trouble than its worth but looking back i think it really annoyed her.

Earlier this year N was severely struggling with her mental health. I apologize for the wording i may have since i dont know the proper terminology for this stuff or any specific disorder diagnosis she may have (other than autism). She was having some sort of manic or depressive episode. She was dead set on pushing people away and making them hate her so she could take her own life without regrets.

I visited N once to give her my support during a struggling time but i stupidly told her there was nothing she could say that would push me away. She told me not to test her but i kept pushing it and i admit what happened next was my fault. She told me in a very cold voice that she was a terf, though that she didnt want me dead but that "we" (im guessing she meant trans ppl) made it so much harder for her to exist(???????). I didnt let her keep talking just and left her room, said my goodbyes to her family and just cried while driving home.

Im still not sure if she meant it or if it was part of her mental episode and just a way for her to hurt me and push me away. On one hand ig it explains some of her behavior? N sometimes complained when she got asked for her pronouns or being misgendered like I mentioned before. On the other hand, I gen do not believe she has been a terf all along esp with how supportive shes been of me. If she was a terf youd think she would try to subtly talk me out of it, but that has never happened. My friends have nicknamed her schrodinger's terf lol

Anyway, i went no contact with N for a few months for my own wellbeing. During this time i heard that she tried to kill herself a few times, which got her into a mental hospital. She was given higher doses of meds and seems to be doing way better.

We had a family reunion this week and i decided to approach her. N seemed a little hesitant to talk to me but stayed polite. I tried testing her and talked about the effects T has been having on me but she acted like she always had and congratulated me and even complimented me on how deep my voice has gotten. I wasnt satisfied cause i wanted an apology for what she had said to me so i pushed it more. She did end up apologzing but it was a very surface level apology. At this point i didnt want to keep pushing in case it set her off again so i just took her apology (plus i wanted my best cousin back) and spent the rest of the day hanging out with her.

On the way home my mom said she was happy me and N had made up and that i should invite her to the lgbt club meetings Ive been going to this year. It seemed like a good idea to me, she lost a few friends during her episode and she could make more queer friends here. If N is trans and just in denial it could help her get the resources she needs to feel comfortable coning out. If N IS a terf maybe having more positive interactions with trans ppl could change her mind on it. Overall i thought it would be a win for her.

I brought it up to my friends and some of them blew up at me. Their argument was that itd be exposing the other trans ppl in the group to a terf and putting them in danger. I truly hadnt considered this angle so im kinda conflicted now. She had never felt like an unsafe person before and now that her episode is over she feels normal again. Even if she is a terf i dont think she could actually cause harm? I want N to get better but i dont want to put my trans friends at risk.

So tumblr, WIBTA for inviting N to my lgbt meet up?

What are these acronyms?

[itsevanffs]

How do you feel the environment your character(s) grew up in shaped them as a human? How does the environment they’re in now shape them currently?

The quiet moments in a relationship are sometimes just as important are the verbal ones; describe an important moment where the characters in your story shared a quiet moment (like sitting together while reading, watching tv with one another, bumping elbows in the kitchen in the morning as they make coffee, etc), and tell us why you consider it so important.

If you had to direct a scene from your fic, what would you choose? Why? What would it look like? What techniques would you use to convey certain emotions? What would the set look like?

What are your main character(s)’ motivations? What do you consider their main drivers?

could you please answer with tom riddle and harry potter in mind? thank you!! since i'm aware i flooded you with 4 questions in one ask lollplease take your time answering. or like answer one question at a time or something. hope youre well :)

;v; it's been years. I am so sorry. I really had to gather my thoughts for this one but I think I have it now! I'm just gonna work off canon for the first one since you didn't specify a certain fic, though I think you meant ITD.

1 & 2) I'm just gonna answer for Blorbo #1 here to keep it brief: I think Tom/Vee's childhood circumstances were SO formative for him. I think his hatred of muggles really came from living through being on the other end of human greed for basically his entire life pre-adulthood. Orphanages aren't fun places to stay, and definitely not in post WW1 Britain - you often had to do manual labour even as a young child, and the giant global economic recession (thanks, America) right around his birth was... something indeed. He was probably very used to fighting for his basic needs day in and day out, and was deeply dependent on the goodwill of random strangers. I think this also formed his desire to have everything, to have power over everything: growing up so poor and helpless, literally, does something to you. There was no space for empathy in a place like that.

And I think through canon the rush of being on the other side, of having made it - I think that really got to his head, and he became reckless, stopped thinking things through. I get it, tbh: getting out of survival mode is one of the most beautiful and liberating things to experience, but it's hard not to go ham with it. Eventually this caused his own downfall. Which is a shame. I think they should have kissed

(I am ignoring the whole love potion thing so hard rn you have no idea. Girl (dumbledore) idk where you came up with that but you are so wrong. You can't even get high via dick unless you try super hard, why would love potions affect sperm. Anyway, cough)

3) ITD doesn't really have any quiet moments? Like, not truly quiet. Harry is pretty much always on edge around Tom, and if he isn't, he's well and truly distracted by something else. Tom doesn't quite experience those moments as quiet, either - he's very focused on Harry pretty much all the time. This lack of quietness in itself is very important to show their dynamic, which is one of constant vigilance both ways. The abuser, always trying to find fault with their victim, and the victim, always trying to avoid fault.

4) From ITD, definitely the coronation scene. The lighting would come from the giant windows behind the throne, casting Tom into near-darkness except for the glittering, larger-than-life crown on his head. The chandeliers would provide only a vague sense of depth and form to his face and features, leaving his eyes shadowed for the red of his irises to jump out. The lighting would not be warm or inviting, but stark and harsh, leaving cold shadows instead of warm ones, contrary to what you'd expect with candlelight. It would feel wrong, to see that man sitting there like that. He would be out of place - an intruder. Next to him, pushed into the background and practically fading away into the light with their near-white outfits, would be Harry and Lily; insignificant in the face of this new, budding darkness.

I think that'd be pretty neat ^^

5) Tom in ITD wants to have everything; especially the things he can't have. Harry, of course, is at the top of that list.

Harry's a teen. He's 16 - he doesn't quite know what he wants. He has an idea; he wants to get married, maybe, have a big and loving family, and be to his spouse and kids what James was to him and Lily. He wants to live a long, healthy life, take care of those who need his care, and have the least stressful time he can manage while doing all that.

Again, I apologise deeply for the delay. My brain was just... yeah. I hope this answer is somewhat satisfactory!

[silverghost1001]

It hurts so much, I dont know why I can never do anything right. Especially when I try to. I only hurt wveryone and cause fights and make everything wrong and im sorry i know im not supposed to be alive, i should've died but idk how or why im still here. Maybe I should've just given in back in 2019. Maybe they'd have been better like that. Without me to annoy and make more bills that they'd need to pay. Maybe if I stopped eating and slowly used less and less things it'll make them happier? If i made myself invisible they wouldn't be able to be mad at. If i died then i wouldn't be a problem anymore and it hurts because im rrying my best i promise i am but its never enough how can i ever be enoghj? I want to make them happy but im so useless i cant even do basic stuff im too useless to even keep myself alive and even more useless to just kill myself already and get rid of their problme because if i hadnt been born everyone wouldve been happier and lived better and i wouldnt be there to make expenses and make people upset and do everything wrong because even my name i manage to get wrong and im so rieed i dont know what to do anymore and the only thing i deserve is pain and bad things but im so selfish that i still crave to be able to relay on somwone to be able to tell them my fears and woeries and then hug then when my heart feels heavy and my lungs refuse to breathe and everythings too much and i cant cry i just want to die but its Selfish because people depend on me and itd just prove how fucking useless i am because id be letting them down just cuz my family is always angry at me and everyone says my family doesn't hate me but if they dont, then im so fucking scared of the moment i take a wrong step and they hate me because this is horrible and im constantly scared of everything and i cant even losten to voice messages because I get scared that it'll be just them screaming at me for something while on good days i can baeely pay enough attention to pass my classes and i only manage to make friends because thwy probably pity me and i probably wouldnt make a single difference if i just vanished and maybe thats what i should do. Maybe i should just run away and die far away, maybe by the time they found my body everyone would've forgotten and moved on. I mean, people have already done that while im still alive. My mom simply left and pretends i never exosted, tells everyone i hate my brother even when I'd kill myself if it meant him being okay and happy. Im not religious, and i certainly dont believe on fairy tales, but all my wishes and prayers are that the 2 people that still matter to me, will be fine and happy. Even if ut costs my own happiness. Wven if it costs my own life. I would rather die in miswry and alone rhen know that i could've made them okay and prefered to keep this shitty existence going. They matter. They are important. Im just a fucking accident that should've died years ago and everyone probably regrets saving from each and every single i almost died during these 17 years. Maybe its not too late... Who am i kidding? I couldnt simply go and diaturb the school's calendar. There's group projects that depend on me and I've already done too many wrong things for me to just do more as if it'd be okay. Yhey dont deserve that stress, they already deal with so much. But me? I deserve every single bit of pain and anger that is inflicted upon me. I deserve to be hated and screamed at. I deserve every single horrible thing that may happen to me because im just a swlfish souless useless piece of trash and i should die already because im good for nothing other than taking up space and using up resources that could've been used for something better and more important. And evne if i wrote for the rest of my life i wouldnt be able to get everything out and im just so tired on so many ways.

Im sorry. Im truly very sorry. Im going to sleep now.

It'll be fine.

[actualbird]

What is it that sold you to Luke?

In my case, I have always been one of those people who pairs Holmes with Watson in more than the friends section haha

and I did not expect an otome character with certain parallels with Holmes to mention that

So. You know. I liked. After that, I further analyzed him as a character and he became my favorite. But that was my first approach.

heyyo, anon!!! my short answer would be: everything. KJBKSDF

but im physically incapable of giving short answers most of the time so heres an itemized and probably non-exhaustive off-the-top-of-my-head list of Things That Convinced Me Luke Pearce Was Made In A Lab Specifically To Target Me

first thing that hooked me was his looks, HAHA. i first saw luke in an article my phone browser recommended me weeks before the game's global release and luke was the picture and im a sucker for fluffy haired puppy looking sunshine boys, and luke Looked The Part. deadass started playing this game cuz luke literally Fave At First Sight-ed me

and then the game came out and every single thing i learned about him was my CATNIP

detective (SAME-ISH HAT, ANON!!! while i wasnt drawn specifically by the holmes and watson parallel, i do love a good detective hehe), cheery character w dark secret, extreme devotion to his detriment, self-loathing party time, SECRET AGENT, has probably killed before and will do it again, HAS A PET BIRD <3, fucked up backstory, in general hilarious, aaand just enough insecurities i myself also deeply relate to so hes a perfect self-projection punching bag 

like, these r all things i love very very much

out of all these things, what Truly Sold me though was all the personality and story stuff. i can get interested by a character at a glance, but if who they are as a character isnt compelling to me, i get bored very quickly and drop em

i picked up luke pearce and placed him in my brain in july 2021 and 9 months later i am still constantly rotating his character around like a rotisserie chicken in my mind

//auctioneer voice. SOLD!!

i respectfully will never understand ppl ive seen (and then immediately respectfully blocked, i dont need that in my life) who think luke is boring KBKJDBFKJDSBKG. i dont get it!! hes a such an interesting character!!! hes one that starts out so fixated on how he can achieve his skewed perception of Good that he cannot see how many unhealthy things hes doing that hurts himself and the people around him.

at times, hes emotionally paradoxical cuz he holds others on a higher pedestal of value over himself Always yet is, whether intentionally or not, trying to control other’s perception of him to fit his perception of who he makes himself out to be

hes deeply flawed and hes so often scared and so so many other things 

and his entire story and development is about realizing those things, growing from them, and learning to keep on going in spite of his fears

if i had to choose just one thing that i love about luke, i guess itd be that theme specifically: the hope in perseverance 

“It’s not over ‘til it’s over,” was said in Luke SR Star In The Palm. and until then, he keeps fighting. because that matters

i.....have a lot of feelings about luke, as u can see KJBJDBFKSD!!

[moxfirefly]

I!! Have an request!! If you want, thats up to you! But how about the turtles have a friend (the reader) and no matter what they see hints of or how it seems she just doesnt seem to be in a relationship ever and then leo starts acting "odd" (in love) and one day michelangelo of all people catches leo and the reader in a romantic (or heated) moment! What do you think would happen? How would they handle their older brother in love? 😂 i just thought itd be a funny one-shot

Ok I’ve been wanting to tackle this for a while now and ima do my best for you friend, also I hope this reaches cause I know it’s been tough so I send you lots of love💕

Blue boi all in lovey dovey

Rated Mature (Romance but will a little sprinkle of smut) 18+ Only

Raphael squinted his eyes.

For the past twenty-two minutes he’d been wondering what was wrong with this picture. His breakfast was getting cold and he’d even neglected to smack Mikey’s hand away when he stole a piece of bacon off his place.

Raphael took pride in his observation skills, often he noticed plenty of things in his environment but while Donatello ran commentary on it he usually kept the information to himself. He shared a room with his youngest brother so he knew any odd shift when it came to Mikey. He is very close with Donnie, spending a few sleepless nights by his side while the genius tinkered away at projects, even lending a hand here and there.

Leonardo for all of his hard headed ways and their personality clashes, he felt he knew him well enough too. The leader though, was much more guarded in his emotions which made for some difficult moments to completely gage his older brother.

You on the other hand were an open book, plenty of times he’d spent time with you, getting to know plenty of your ticks and thoughts. Raph considered you a close friend, a confidant he could turn to.

But as you all sat together for a late breakfast. Mikey inhaling his while Donnie’s overworked eyes looked into his coffee cup as if lifes answers laid there, Leo and you were just sitting there, suspiciously.

You were still in your sleep wear, Leo’s groggy movements mechanical as he ate on autopilot. You yawned reaching for a coffee refill and without command or hesitation Leo had pushed the creamer and sugar towards you, going so far to place the exact amount of both in your mug. You had given him a sweet smile, reaching a hand to thumb a crumb away from the corner of his mouth.

Raphael raised a brow ridge, well naturally that could translate to common kindness. You all knew each other, often April had in some form or shape probably done something similar. He poked a few pieces of eggs into his mouth, now he was intrigued.

He picked up a few more instances where his curiosities got the better of him.

For instance one afternoon while you were over he had decided to gather info. Raphael had kitchen duty and you had stuck around to help him out. “What’s up with you?” A common not so invasive question, you shrugged. “Same old, same old” You gathered plates to set the table. Raphael kept his gaze at the task at hand, cutting tomatoes for the sauce he was preparing. “Yeah but have you done anything? Gone out with friends? Maybe found your future husband?” He chuckled even more so when you nudged him with an elbow. “A forget you have a sense humor under all that angst” Raph smiled, the two of you often bickered Iike this.

Truth be told you had never mentioned a boyfriend or a girlfriend, the subject was never really breached. With the amount of time you spent in the sewers with them it never came up if you had some partner or if you even were dating. Raphael added the tomatoes into a pot, you joined his side ready to help with more cutting of condiments.

Then Leo arrived and he felt the air shift, he peaked a glance at you, a small smile playing on your lips. Leo in turn greeting the two of you before he made his way towards the fridge to retrieve something to drink. “Want something?” He asked from the fridge and honest to God Raph was very sure he wasn’t asking him. You nodded extending a hand for the soda he gave you, he leaned against the fridge and chatted you up as nonchalant as ever.

Nothing in the small chat raised any flags, Raph’s sauce almost burning from how intently he was concentrating of quite literally eavesdropping on you two. You laughed at something he mentioned, that was bizarre because Leo was seriously not even funny but he could be biased on that end.

“Your hair looks pretty that way” Leo spoke, a tad bit shyly. Raph stirred the sauce, brow ridges shooting up, ‘real smooth big bro’ he couldn’t help but think. Then again he had probably at some point told April the same thing, well they all had commented on April being pretty in all manners of ways.

But this felt just the taddest bit different?

He excused himself having to get back to whatever he was doing. Raph squatted to get something from the bottom cupboards, he didn’t miss the blush on your cheeks.

“Yer hair does look nice like that” He tested, you beamed brightly at him. “Thank you, you’re very sweet when you put your heart into it” She teased smacking a hand towel at him.

Inconclusive results.

For now.

This stupid notion continued to bother Raphael, curiosity would kill the turtle in this case. He wanted to know if truly something was amiss there and you both being friends he wondered why you just hadn’t flat out told him what was up. Nevertheless he couldn’t drop the bomb on you, you could be motorfide or maybe deny it to high hell. Asking Leonardo was out of the question, he sure as hell wouldn’t say a thing.

So Raphael kept his gaze glued as you parted ways for the night. You gave a hug and kiss to everybody, quite normal for your loving nature. He got his hug and kiss, so did Donnie, April and Mikey. Once you landed on Leo you did the same.

He could’ve sworn you lingered a little more, going so far as to whisper something to him because Leo gave a little huff of a laughter and smiled. He definitely slid his hand away from your lower back quite slowly.

Maybe, just maybe...

One patrol night he got stuck with Leo while Mikey and Donnie were doing rounds on the truck. They were scouting out a bank that was rumored to be hit soon by a group of robbers. Raph didn’t mention you, in fact he patiently waited for these robbers to possibly show up.

Something vibrated and his gaze landed on Leo who was reaching a hand into his pocket to pull out his phone. His concentrated and serious featured softening with whatever he read on the screen. He typed back something quick, shaking his head from whatever image or words or whatever had been provoked out of him. “Everything good?” Raphael asked, Leo nodded as if back to ‘normal’ and that absolutely was suspicious in his book.

That night didn’t yield any resolution and honestly it’s around this time that Raph regrets this little task that had occupied his time. He had originally decided to leave it as inconclusive, at some point You two dummies had to say or do something. He had been rummaging his room for his hand wraps, more than ready to get his nightly workout in order. When he had come up empty handed he exited towards Leo’s room, he always had them which annoyed the red banded brute.

His first mistake was not knocking or making his incoming presence known. A rookie mistake considering he lived with three young adult brothers.

His second mistake was just barging in like he owned the place. An annoyed “Jesus Leo quick taking my shit” spewing out of him.

If mistakes One and Two had been adverted he wouldn’t be standing here, wide eyed and frozen.

Because he really didn’t need to see his brother stark ass naked on top of his best friend who he basically considered a little sister, equally naked to boot. There was a solid fifteen seconds where Raphael didn’t know if he running out was the best option, mumbling a ‘shit my bad’ was better or if covering his eyes and screaming at his brother that he better be a gentlemen to you cause you’re a great gal.

Leonardo’s hands cupped your exposed breast for modesty sake, the need for the ground to dramatically open up and swallow him whole heavy in his mind. You had squeaked when Raph barged in, hands super glued to Leo’s rear and god why couldn’t you scream and let go and scream some more.

Raphael finally turned around, an embarrassed heat breaking over his body as he groaned in disgust. “Shit fuck, sorry sorry! I didn’t see shit!” Oh but he did and oh did he crave bleach. “Raph get out! This is why you knock!” Leo chucked a pillow at his brothers shell. You had finally let go of Leo’s rear, covering your face in mortification. “Hang a sock or something outside then!! I can’t read minds!” Raph bellowed.

Mistake number 3 happened because Raphael was a drama Queen through and through and the shouting only helped to alert his brothers towards the room.

“Can you two not fight for five whole minu-OH GOD SORRY!” Donatalleo had exited as quickly as he had approached the room. Mikey thankfully barely saw anything since Raph and Donnie yanked him out which Leo was thankful, he knew Mikey would never let this situation go.

A very quiet hour passed by.

Nobody wanting to say anything. Mikey had left for the tunnels to skateboard for a while. Donnie had thrown himself into truck repairs not even wanting to discuss what his eyes had briefly seen.

And Raphael had sat on the couch, every few minutes making a face whenever his brain decided to bring back the nights events. He heard movement from Leo’s room, the small pitter patter that belonged to your feet. Raph kept his gaze down, whatever playing on the tv long forgotten, he saw your feet when they tentatively approached the couch.

“Um Raph” Your tone was hushed.

“Didn’t see anything, matter of fact nothing happened” Raph grabbed the remote, you sat down and sighed. “Listen you weren’t the one with your tits out here” You crossed your arms grumbling, Raph almost chortled but then he remembered Leo and simply made a face.

“Why didn’t you tell me you and him were a thing? We’re friends, I mean you can do better but you know” He smiled when he felt your elbow smack his arm. “He’s really nice don’t be so mean” You sat back on the corner, Raph looked at you, you were wearing an oversized shirt clearly spending the night.

“Sorry for ah, not knocking” Raph spoke softly.

“Sorry for no telling you I had it bad for your brother” You smirked, enjoying Raph’s disgruntled expression.

You scooted close and hugged his massive arm, Raph smiled. “He better be good to ya... and well, don’t break his heart, he’s an ass but he’s my big brother” You nodded against his arm.

You had stayed for a little before returning back to Leo’s room, the leader was reading on his bed but quickly looked up when you came in. “Everything alright?” He asked tentatively. You nodded climbing into bed and in between his legs to lay on him. “We could’ve so gone a better way telling everybody, at least it’s out and we can just be ourselves” You rested against him, Leo’s chin a top your head.

He wrapped his arms tightly around you and smiled. “I’m never living this down but I’m happy we can just be ourselves” He poked your sides earning an earnest squeal from you.

Outside Raphael could hear the quiet giggling and laughter. He was happy for the two of you, it made sense.

Mikey walked in, board in hand and sweaty from skating for hours.

“So Leo loses his V card first, huh brah?”

Raphael groaned.

[telehxhtrash]

Tele, I raise you HIGHSCHOOL AU + KISSING BOOTH + PRACTICE KISSING.

Ysabel I am going to pass out because of how much i adore this idea. I. I'm in love. This is it. I'm an absolute SUCKER for dumb rom-com clichés and you managed to put 3 of those in the same thing and i- it's perfect. honestly i dont even have WORDS fjdngjkdngjk it's so PERFECT IT WOULD WORK SO WELL OMFG SO LIKE this is how i imagine itd go (buckle up it's gonna be the most cliché thing you've ever read - and also probably extremely badly written but pls bear with me)

• Gon is ofc the extremely popular kid, in every sports club he could ever possibly join, extremely athletic and very kind to everyone and loveable - basically everyone is in love with him.

• Killua is the rich (ok remember that he's rich pls it's important), smart kid who mostly keeps to himself and pretty much scares people away because he's always sarcastic/doesn't want to be bothered.

And of course, they've been best friends since forever. They grew up together, always do everything together, hang out everyday.... And it's because they're so different that it works. They both allow each other to shine brighter.

Prom is pretty close, and all the excitement surrounding it totally flies over Killua's head because he's never been and will NEVER go, thank you very much. The mere thought of being in the same room as thousands of horny teenagers is enough to make him want to puke.

But Gon, sweet, adorable, peppy Gon, runs full speed at Killua down the hallway the SECOND he hears about prom, like he's been doing for the past 3 years.

"Gon I swear to god if you ask me to go to prom again after i told you a thousand times that i will NEVER go i will-"

"Mh-mh Killua ! That's not it ! I had a brilliant idea on how to fund prom this year !!" that sentence and Gon's wide grin and the glint of mischief in his eyes make Killua very scared of what's coming next...

"A kissing booth !! I'm gonna set up a kissing booth !" hold on- WHAT??

Gon can't set up a kissing booth - Gon has never kissed anyone in his life, he told Killua so himself a few weeks ago, and now he wants to set up a kissing booth where, knowing his popularity, he'll probably kiss hundreds of people??? Just the thought of it makes Killua's stomach drop - Gon's first kiss wouldn't be with him. Of course it wouldn't. Just because they did everything together didn't mean Gon wanted to do those things with him. Holding hands. Going on dates. Kissing. Who was he kidding.

But Gon looks embarassed, putting his hand on his neck and looking down at the ground, but why would he be, he has no filter and-

"But Killua... I've never kissed anyone remember... W-What if I kiss the first person and I do terribly bad and then no one will come and I will be the reason why prom is cancelled and then everybody will hate me and all of this because i can't kiss and i-"

"I mean, we could practice." Killua finds himself interrupting, and Gon looks up at him, looking extremely shocked.

"...I-If you want of course ! I'm your best friend, it doesn't bother me" Killua feigns nonchalance.

But Gon's shocked expression turns into one an excited puppy would make. "REALLY KILLUA ?? You'd do that for me??" and Killua tries to keep his cool and just replies with a "yeah, yeah, no big deal".

So they decide to meet up at Gon's place the same day, after school. Killua has homework but for once, he'll let it slide. 

Killua is a nervous mess when he sits on Gon's bed, not knowing what to do with his hands and his palms are so sweaty, he feels like he's gonna pass out any second - 

"So, are you still okay with this Killua? We don't have to if you don't want to !!" "N-no it's nothing, idiot ! I'm the one that offered to help you out. Don't worry about it." 

It feels like Killua's face is gonna fall off because it feels so red.

Gon sits next to him, and Killua turns his head around to get a good look at his face and oh- his eyes are sparkling, his face is getting closer to his, and it's only when their lips are so close together that he can feel his breath on his lips that Gon whispers:

"Can I kiss you, Killua?"

And Killua crosses the distance between their lips, letting himself completely fall.

The first kiss is chaste, just a quick peck on the lips. The second is a bit more experimental, a bit longer but also a lot more teethy - but it's no secret that Gon has always been eager and impatient. Their third kiss makes Killua's heart jump to his throat, because Gon's tongue is in his mouth and it's messy and way too overwhelming, but Killua feels like he could die on the spot because this is everything he's ever wanted. To kiss Gon.

During the few weeks that preceded the Kissing Booth Event, Killua and Gon made a habit of going to Gon's house to "practice" and "make sure he doesn't get rusty" as Gon said. Not that Killua minded.

The day of the Kissing Booth event, Killua, fueled by a sudden strike of courage, decides to wake up as early as possible to be the first one in line at the kissing booth. I mean, he's the one who helped Gon get as good at kissing as he is right now, it's only fair to pluck the fruits of his labor, right ? And it's only fair compensation for the amount of homework Killua missed because he was too busy kissing Gon and thinking about Gon's lips and how soft they felt against his and how good it feels to be able to put his fingers in his hair to drag him closer -

So yeah, Killua was definitely going to be the first one there. He'll fight anyone who tries to steal his spot. But luckily, it seems no one comes here before him, but seeing Gon looking so adorable setting up his little booth makes Killua want to run away as fast as possible because he was so, so stupid - gon was just practicing with him there was no way he would ever want to kiss him for real, he'd probably say something like "I'm sorry Killua, I can't be seen kissing you in public, it's kind of embarassing you know...." and UGH why was Killua such a dumb idiot-

But Gon flashes his brightest smile at Killua and yells so enthusiastically his name that Killua forgets all thoughts and decides to just get this over with. He can do this ! 

As Killua walks towards Gon, Gon just says with a snarky smile "Killua ! Are you here to see if all our practice paid off ?" Killua can only mumble "Shut up idiot.", before sliding 100 jennies on the booth with shaking hands because he feels like he might just die this instant.

It's only when he feels Gon's finger touch his chin and slowly lift his head up that he realizes just in what situation he's in, but Gon's eyes look so bright and warm and they make him feel so calm, that when Gon presses his lips onto Killua's for a chaste kiss, Killua just lets himself melt into the kiss.

When they break apart, Killua is so dazed and at loss for words, but still manages to reach into his wallet for 100 more jennies, putting them on the booth slowly, while still staring into Gon's eyes in complete silence.

And Gon obliges, going in for another kiss, smiling against Killua's lips.

On his 5th kiss, Killua starts to realize that there is ambiant noise surrounding them now, and people are waiting in line and starting to get impatient. Oh god, he can't believe what he's about to do. 

He digs into his wallet and puts 50 000 jennies in front of Gon, and barely manages to spit out any coherent words but he still tries : "W-would that be enough to buy all the kisses you have available?"

And Gon just lets out the most open, beautiful laugh Killua has ever heard. He leans in slowly and says, voice barely above a whisper 

"If you wanted to kiss me you could've just said so, Killua. I can give you a discount." 

And the next thing Killua knows, Gon's lips are on his again, but this time it feels different - it feels more eager, like Gon is claiming him, like Gon has been waiting for this. And when they break apart, Gon grabs Killua's hand, looks at the people waiting in line, flashes his best smile and says: "Sorry guys, but we reached the goal for prom, we're all out of kisses ! I would tell you to come back later but I think we got a very persistent customer here who wants to have a monopoly on all my kisses, sorry !"

Killua just wants to melt into the ground because how can someone be so embarassing!!! He's truly trying to kill him !! But Gon's hand lets go of his to rest on his cheek, slowly dragging Killua's lips towards his once again.

And Killua can't help but think : best. purchase. ever.

omg HONESTLY if anyone who has better writing skills than me wants to have a go with this trope i beg of you go ahead i will give my life away to see this highschool kissing booth + kissing practice AU come to life, i would do ANYTHINGGGG to read a proper fic about this HAHAHAH 

thank you so much for blessing my day with this ask ily ♥♥

[brvdleymilligan]

HLO slinks in thru a bead curtain.......... truly sry this took me so long to concoct bt i’m here now, hand on hip, smiling coyly at u all...... i’m nai n i’m rly excited to b here so i’ll just dive right in!! u can find bradley’s pinterest board here n her muse tag here. like this or hmu for plots!

[ cis female, she/her, margaret qualley , twenty-four ] i can’t be sure, but i think i just saw BRADLEY MILLIGAN drive onto the parkway. don’t they know we’re not supposed to be driving on that haunted road right now? maybe it has to do with the fact that they’re so +RESILIENT and -VOLATILE that makes them feel UNPHASED about everything going on. i guess we could also chalk it up to the fact that they’re always reminding me of LEMON IN A FRESH CUT, THE AMBER BLINK OF AN ANGRY ALLEY CAT, GRINNING WITH BLOOD ON YOUR TEETH. either way, i hope they get back safely. [ nai, she/her, 24, gmt ]

aesthetics: singeing a hole in your fishnets with the cherry of a menthol, spitting a pistachio behind the bar just to hear it ping off the nozzle top bottles, lemon in a fresh cut, a war torn poppy standing alone in an empty field, pressing thumbs to yellow bruises, stomping over flowerbeds when there’s a path right besides it, dangling over ledges just to feel your chest jolt, a snarling rottweiler that needs muzzling, limp feet poking out behind a door, ‘I PROMISE I DON’T BITE’ scrawled on a name tag, slapping a bald head in front of you at the cinema like it’s a bongo, not owning a single jacket that isn’t stolen, driving a stranger’s car down the wrong lane against the screaming traffic, hair more feral than a wolf cub and eyes smudgier than a coal mine.  

BACKGROUND:

ok SO. her father owns a strip club in crescent hill named no angels. it’s kind of.... a seedy establishment i won’t lie. hs a red glowing sign like it’s lighting up a window in amsterdam. cigarette butts floating in oil slick puddles outside. unsavoury characters crawling all over like rats in a sewer. despite this it’s a legitimate business on the surface of things n it does pretty well in trade. it’s like.... that place people warn u NOT to have ur bachelor party at unless u fancy urself the type tht willingly enters a lion’s den bt tht almost??? adds to the allure in a way??? ppl r like wow so sketchy it’s the thrill of a lifetime........ i mean run while u still can bt go off i guess

it isn’t Confirmed Public Knowledge bt it’s pretty heavily implied thru the rumour mill that bradley’s father is the head of a gang of rly............ Not Nice people. all the ppl that work for him u would hands down NOT want to run into in a dark alley. while things seem legitimate on the suface it’s pretty clear they’re into shady dealings n the townsfolk that suspect that would indeed b correct! the club’s a front for a drug business n they’re also washing n running counterfeit cash thru it. they probably also have their hands dipped into a few other local businesses to run their cash thru these too n keep it all seemingly by the books so nobody comes sniffing around. they even r friends with a member of local law enforcement that’s working w them for a cut so they honestly have all bases covered to keep things airtight n foolproof. perhaps a business in reed too which bradley oversees bt i haven’t given this Too Much thought as of yet??

so ya she’s grown up fairly local most of her life n would maybe be known around town as such.................. the milligans r certainly Interesting as far as families go so like. it honestly wldn’t surprise me if ppl nudge elbows when they see one of them coming n immediately walk in the opposite direction. just quite an intimidating presence...... they’re like caged animals where ur specifically instructed NOT to stick ur fingers between the bars bc they WILL bite

on a more personal note her dad is pretty much the worst human being alive n bradley hs like….. a lot of issues with herself as a result of years of toxicity n abuse

in terms of more family bkground info her mum’s name was alyssa n she vanished when bradley was 12. jst like…. into thin air. nothing. no note. zilch. gan! n when bradley asked her dad abt it his response was essentially “guess she didn’t love us enough to stay”. as bradley’s got older tho n become (without intention) more involved in the business side of things, it’s become pretty clear there was far more to the story.

(abuse tw) they had a horrible marriage n tony ws emotionally manipulative at the best of times, violent at worst, which didn’t help the fact tht alyssa ws struggling a lot w severe depression n rly just… not in the mindset to b dealing w anything else, even where motherhood ws concerned. bradley p much… would look after her a lot n they’d both b scared of her dad n it was just a whole unhealthy mess.

(death implied tw) anyway im rambling bt basically tony (bradley’s dad) gt wind of alyssa sleeping w men tht worked fr him n he just… got rid. bradley’s kind of worked out over the yrs tht her mum didn’t jst leave on her own accord n tht something must hav happened to her bt she’s too scared of her dad to ever directly accuse him

when her mum went all of her dad’s cruelty pretty mch got channelled straight onto her. it ws diluted between two before bt as u can probably imagine her upbringing was jst…. a steep downhill decline

(drugs implied tw) she learnt ways 2 deal w the incurring trauma bt they weren’t healthy ones at all! bsically jst. will do or take anything fr the distraction. chases a thrill like it’s the only way to remind her she’s alive. has absolutely no regard fr her own wellbeing n often gets other ppl in trouble too bc she’s so insatiably reckless

(hospitalisation tw) she hd….2 separate stints of psychiatric hospitalisation n she never tlks abt it. like ever. acknowledging she’s been vulnerable is her worst nightmare n bc of the way her dad raised her she always thinks any sign of struggling within herself is weakness. truly does…. not kno how to properly emotion

CUT TO!!!! the present. she’s currently living at the motel which is like. the least homely place she cld ever live rly but bradley loves making her life uncomfortable n doesn’t rly believe in growing sentimentally attached to anything if she cn help it <3 probably gets into arguments all the time w her neighbours it’s a whole thing.... atrocious at feeding herself has breakfasts frm the vending machine like her organs aren’t screaming fr vegetables.... plays music too loud n sometimes vanishes for days at a time without a word. she’s a lot.

i honestly feel like the murders haven’t rly phased bradley too hugely....... i won’t lie she probably genuinely is like. oh maybe it’s smthn to do w my dad. n just blinks the other way not rly that phased. on some subconscious level i think she rly just thinks........ death follows her wherever she goes n is like. this is just life for me! kind of depressing. holds her hand bt then screams n pulls away when she inevitably bites me.

PERSONALITY:

the kind of sour cherry only certain people have a taste for

once drank a bottle of whiskey, insisted she could still do a cartwheel and accidentally kicked an old man’s front tooth out in the process. proceeded 2 collapse into a flower bed and laugh so much abt it that she cried

barely takes anything seriously 50% of the time and is angry the other 50%

if she was a coffee she’d be black with five grains of sugar that you couldn’t taste until the last sip

(alcoholism tw) high functioning alcoholic. if u ever see her w a coffee cup u jst kno tht one sniff will confirm high alcohol percentage. honestly idk hw she does it her liver must b yellin

loyal to a point of fault. if she cares abt u (rare) and u murder a man in cold blood (not so rare in the broad scheme of bradley’s life) she’ll brawl anyone that says ur guilty

honestly wld probably fight a person over anything. sometimes she’ll jst be having a bad day n she’ll burst n take it out on whoever says the wrong thing. minefield!

has the worst luck in romance…. ever. ALL her past bfs hav been absolute beasts n as a result she has the ‘romance is dead n love is a lie’ mentality. definitely NOT a romantic. very cut n dry abt these things. sex is mostly just sex n she’d kind of scoff at anyone that wanted more from her

mostly wears stolen clothes from strangers and jackets that swamp her. huge chunky stomping boots with steel toe caps that would RLY bruise if they gave u a kick. hair is p much always a wild mess n she usually hs kind of smudgy/smoky makeup bcos apparently she’s allergic to combs and generally looking presentable… relatable content. the only time she rly looks put together is when she has to do something/go somewhere/see someone on behalf of her father....... he kind of uses her as a sort of. honey pot sometimes fr shit his gang get up to it’s like. not! a way u should ever utilise ur daughter but :/ i cannot stress enough how much i wna drop kick him in the neck

she’s v sarcastic. blunt. kind of has a habit of…. assessing a person n she’s quite perceptive bc she’s been trained to b by the way she always has to monitor her dad’s expression fr the slightest emotion change. she’s very confident n can p much mke a conversation out of whatever if she feels like it. independent too like she hs a bunch of (predominantly surface connection) friends bt she doesn’t care abt going out places alone n does this often. she’s probably kind of known around town bt itd b a 50/50 balance between bein known as intimidating n bein known as that one girl tht always gets into anarchy

likes: drunken snow angels that drag on so long they flirt with pneumonia, stealing cars, throwing watermelons off rooftops to watch them explode, shooting pedestrian’s with bb guns from hidden spots on rooftops. 

dislikes: telling the truth, tulips so yellow it’s like they’re gloating, playing music loud enough to fry your brain and serve it on a piece of toast, going home.

PLOTS:

someone tht works at the ‘no angels’ strip club?? either as a dancer or bartender or whtever. just a forewarning it’s probably gna b a pretty….. seedy and Not That Pleasant environment bc it’s like. a crime hotspot inevitably bc it’s a gang hangout so. ur chara wld truly be in fr a rollercoaster ride to say the least

(drugs tw) she deals coke fr her dad’s gang so perhaps ur muse buys off her

anyone….. she’s brawled in the past like. she’s literally a menace i cnt express this enough. wil jst randomly throw a drink in someone’s face fr no reason bc she’s bored. she’s probably pissed off 1000 diff ppl in 1000 diff ways. the possibilities r endless n i jst think tht’s a sexy prospect!

fwbs perhaps??? exes??? (probably ws a tumultuous relationship honestly bradley is. a handful...... it’s also rly not often she ties herself down tbh so this would maybe have to b discussed/be circumstantial/kind of rare)

mayb someone tht she met at an aa meeting when she hd to go fr a court mandated thing one time after bein arrested fr public indecency. i feel like there’s probably a rly expensive statue somewhere thts fancily sculpted n she like. did a flying kick n broke the dick of it off n gt arrested fr it

ppl she……. Goes Wild Goes Crazy w. truly jst the most self destructive person alive so anyone w a similar mindset wld b a hellish bt fun combination

on the contrary a gd influence cld b nice perhaps? like someone tht genuinely cares abt her n she jst doesn’t kno hw to compute it

maybe people who r her neighbours that live at the motel too??

OH it could b fun if ur muse runs or works at a local business maybe like. a bar? idk? n bradley n ur muse have developed a rapport bc she frequents the place n is................ a Character

um. honestly the world’s our oyster. hmu n we cn brainstorm if none of tht catches ur eye!

[ellerevelle]

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order: 

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home. 

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy. 

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh. 

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead. 

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her. 

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me. 

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it. 

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face. 

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked! 

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many, 

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon. 

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise. 

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to. 

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else. 

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE! 

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love. 

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer. 

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane. 

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat. 

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories. 

I only like my own brand of cigarettes. 

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid. 

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc. 

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam. 

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post. 

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something. 

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy. 

No, I have become recently lazy. 

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

 #depression! 

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart. 

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE. 

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but. 

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened. 

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life. 

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out. 

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner. 

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run. 

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh. 

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin. 

I need a job. 

[bradleymillign-blog]

clip clops in on a small shetland pony riding side saddle like mia w her fake leg in princess diaries. hlo! peels off my handlebar moustache to reveal tht it’s actually me (nai). bradley is one of my all time fav muses if not... the coveted Number One fav spot where my charas r concerned n i miss ha so decided to revive her like a phoenix from the ashes. her pinterest board is here n more abt her is under the cut! jst a forewarning her life is kind of A Lot so tws will b abundant bt i dnt rly go into huge detail

( cis-female ) haven’t seen BRADLEY MILLIGAN around in a while. the MARGARET QUALLEY lookalike has been known to be (+) BRAVE & (+) ADVENTUROUS, but SHE can also be (-) VOLATILE & (-) CRUEL. The 22 year old is a JUNIOR majoring in PSYCHOLOGY. I believe they’re living in POTENTAS but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door. ( nai. 22. gmt. she/her. ) 

the kind of sour cherry only certain people have a taste for

once drank a bottle of spiced rum, insisted she could still do a cartwheel and accidentally kicked an old man’s front tooth out in the process. proceeded 2 collapse into a flower bed and laugh so much abt it that she cried

barely takes anything seriously 50% of the time and is angry the other 50%

if she was a coffee she’d be black with five grains of sugar that you couldn’t taste until the last sip

father runs a mob and strip club in queens called ‘no angels’ tht fronts an affluent drug trade, primarily coke. his name is tony milligan n his gang is p infamous around there fr being jst like.... completely cutthroat n awful. they were nicknamed ‘tony’s rottweilers’ by locals bc he bsically has all of these trained dogs on leash at his command n they’re still a growing organisation tday. in FACT the only reason her dad rly.... okay’d her goin out of country was bc he kind of wanted to Expand The Business n was looking to buy a new club in the red light district as his first move. SO she can basically.... oversee whtevers going on over there n he also has a few of his guys local 2 keep tabs on her n tht sort of thing

he’s pretty much the worst human being alive n bradley hs like..... a LOT of issues with herself as a result of years of toxicity n abuse

in terms of more family bkground info her mum’s name was alyssa n she vanished when bradley was 12. jst like.... into thin air. nothing. no note. zilch. gan! n when bradley asked her dad abt it his response was essentially “guess she didn’t love us enough to stay”. as bradley’s got older tho n become (without intention) more involved in the business side of things, it’s become pretty clear there was far more to the story. they had a horrible marriage n tony ws quite violent at the best of times, which didn’t help the fact tht alyssa ws struggling a lot w severe depression n rly just... not in the mindset to b dealing w anything else on top of tht, even where motherhood ws concerned. bradley p much... would look after her a lot n they’d both b scared of her dad n it was just a whole mess. ANYWAY im rambling bt basically tony (bradley’s dad) gt wind of alyssa sleeping w men tht worked fr him n he just... Got Rid. bradley’s kind of worked out over the yrs tht her mum didn’t jst leave on her own accord n tht something must hav happened to her bt she’s too scared of her dad to ever directly accuse him

when her mum went all of her dad’s cruelty pretty mch got channelled straight onto her. it ws diluted between two before bt as u can probably imagine her upbringing was jst.... a steep downhill decline frm tht point onwards

she learnt ways 2 deal w the incurring trauma bt they weren’t healthy ones at all! bsically jst. will do or take anything fr the vine. chases a thrill like it’s the only way to remind her she’s alive. has absolutely No Regard fr her own wellbeing n sometimes gets other ppl in trouble too bc she’s so insatiably reckless

high functioning alcoholic. if u ever see her w a coffee cup u jst kno tht one sniff will confirm high alcohol percentage. honestly idk hw she does it her liver must b yellin

she hd....2 separate stints of psychiatric hospitalisation n she never tlks abt it. like ever. acknowledging she’s been vulnerable is her worst nightmare n bc of the way her dad raised her she always thinks any sign of struggling within herself is weakness. truly does.... not kno how to properly Emotion

honestly. im probably missing a million things bc i kind of feel like a microwaved shrimp as i write this bt. basically her life is jst the worst a true... abomination! bc im evil like tht sometimes

loyal to a point of fault. if she cares abt u and u murder a man in cold blood she’ll brawl anyone that says ur guilty

honestly wld probably fight a person over anything. sometimes she’ll jst be having a bad day n she’ll burst n take it out on whoever says the wrong thing. a minefield!

has the worst luck in romance…. Ever. the majority of her past bfs hav been absolute BEASTS n as a result she kind of has the ‘romance is dead n love is a lie’ mentality

speakin of which i feel like she’s bi bt wldnt have dated a girl or anythin. like guys r probably.... her preference just bc historically theyv treated her worse n she hs a very self destructive personality like that. sexy!

dresses like courtney love, 2014 sky ferreira and a character from this is england had a baby. mostly wears stolen clothes from strangers and jackets that swamp her. hair is p much always a wild mess n she usually hd kind of smudgy/smoky makeup bcos apparently she’s allergic to combs and generally looking presentable… relatable content

personality wise she’s v sarcastic. sometimes blunt. kind of has a habit of.... assessing a person n she’s quite perceptive bc she’s been trained to b by the way she always has to monitor her dad’s expression fr the slightest emotion change. she’s quite confident n can p much mke a conversation out of whatever. sort of independent too like she hs a bunch of friends bt she doesn’t care abt going out places alone if she’s in a certain Mood n jst wants...... to get into chaos. she’s probably kind of known around campus bt itd b a 50/50 balance between bein known as intimidating n bein known as That One Girl tht always gets into anarchy

likes: fishnets, stealing cars, water guns and whiskey

dislikes: amy schumer, honesty, yellow tulips and going home

[ssorethroat]

bnha, 001 for the ask thing ??? yre one of my fave mutuals even though we've never talked but yre so cool and yr art is amazing and ; A ;

 i OMG FIRST OF ALL I GASPED???? YOURE SO SWEET ; M ; i cant believe this .. im so sorry weve never talked before but i would love to start!!! you seem super cool and really kind and i looked for your art but i couldnt find any but u should link some …. ITD BE REALLY NICE TO SEE!!! TT v TT I HOPE I CAN GET TO KNOW YOU MORE THIS IS SO EXCITING IM SO HONORED.. ; M ; omg im making the text super small and putting it under a readmore bc this is SO LONGGNGJDFKNGKJFD

Favorite character: /shoves my entire deku shrine into closet while mumbling Uhhghudfgd oof i dunno .. IM JK ill be proud about it. the light of my life the joy of my heart is deku he tries so hard … it inspires me to try hard too … HAHAGDFJNGJKFD but i really do have a mini deku shrine in my dorm room i force my friends to say hello to my son before they enter. THATS WEIRD .. but im such a big sucker for the underdog story and i love the very .. long term take on the self sacrificing hero narrative where he literally just busts his bones out!!!! i like how he has to adapt his approach by dealing with realtime consequences for it!! i think it makes him a really interesting protagonist and i often dont find myself caring too much for the main protagonists like i do for him .. i love him :[

Least Favorite character: I MEANNNNN OK MINETA ASIDE BC I FEEL LIKE THATS A GIVEN… i dont really like monoma though i think its interesting what horikoshi did w him!! as in i just think hes annoying CRIES .. i dont think that means hes not a good character though ogdfnj WE’LL SEE!!

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): AHAGDKJNGJFKD ok .. i love todobakudeku n im just gonna say that or else the pairings inside that will take up 4 slots..  ooof i love erasermight … i love MOMOJIROUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU SO MUCH .. i also love iiocha … and miritama.. ; - ;

Character I find most attractive: OHHHHH OK …… OK ………. GENUINELY? i cant draw these ppl but i wish i could… Buckle yourself in but shouji mezo.. is like objectively so attractive like hes got the shark grin under the mask? the emo hair? hes after my heart … and? i love his personality its so strong and stoic .. shifty eyes .. ughhhggjnjn also .. blood king is SO hot. so is the dragon lady WHEWWW… ectoplasm is also like so hot i could die you know what if guillermo del toro could make his fish man have a butt that wont quit i can be in love with ectoplasm i want him to serenade me with all 36 of his clones

Character I would marry: OMG NOW THEYRE HITTING ME W THIS CHARA I WOULD MARRY QUESTION AFTER I JUST ADMITTED MY TASTE IS ALL OVER THE PLACE hmm i guess personality wise id want to marry momo actually shes so sweet and kind and CUTE she tries her best ; m ; ..

Character I would be best friends with: OMG I REALLY DONT KNOW im thinkin hard trying to compare my own best friends … on one hand? tokoyami and his mad banquet of darkness .. other hand? i feel like my friends are all as supportive and sweet as kirishima ..

a random thought: i really love TWICE as a character.. i think his backstory was the most interesting of the villains (that have been shown).

An unpopular opinion: AHHHHHH I HAVE A LOT!! BUT ILL SAY THIS (though idk if its unpopular) … i dont think the female characters are given good treatment NOT just costume wise. i think the only female character we’ve really gotten a fair amount of development (even approaching the level that male characters have gotten) of is uraraka and even then im kinda like  ehhhhhhhh this isnt enough … horikoshi does a good job showing female characters in strong positions doing strong things BUT i dont think thats the same as treating them with the amt of depth they need, giving them complex story arcs, etc. i also dont care for them being used simply as devices for the character development of male characters if they arent given stories beyond that. i hope we get to see eri some more and maybe her recovery bc i think horikoshi portrays abuse well and the healing process for todoroki was realistic. the dialogue for chisakis emotional abuse was really realistic to the point of me freaking out a lil bit LMFAO… another unpopular opinion is that i kind of dont care about endeavor’s potential redemption arc too much either way, i just hope whatever happens is handled with nuance…

My Canon OTP: deku capturing the hearts of the nation

My Non-canon OTP: bakugou x cognitive behavioral therapyMost Badass Character: UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGNJFDGNJDF GANG ORCA. I ALSO CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT HIM I CHANGE EVERYTHING ABT MY ATTRACTIVE+MARRIED ANSWERS FIRST OF ALL, I WANNA GET PLOWED BY GANG ORCA, SECOND OF ALL, I WANNA MARRY HIM    I would give my whole life to gang orca. My canon otp is me x gang orca

Most Epic Villain: AHAHAHAGHDFNGJKAGHAGAFJGNKJD I HATE TO BE LIKE THIS BUT mr compress? truly? iconique…. i also love rappa he just wants to fight and honestly? relatable…

Pairing I am not a fan of: hmmm … i dont really dedicate a lot of time to disliking pairings but i dont really ship non platonic kacchako i just dont really like it bc it reminds me of some tropes ive disliked in the past!! i also am not really a fan of stabi :/

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): (snarls) SHINSOU WAS ROBBED secondly more attention needs to be given to hatsume mei. she is literally a genius prodigy mastermind and yet shes given like 3 pages after her ICONIQUE SHOW STOPPING performance at the sports festival .. give us more … 

Favourite Friendship: I LOOOOOOOOOVE THE MIDORIYA/URARAKA/IIDA TRIO!!!!!! I SAW SOMEONE I FOLLOW TAG THEM AS THE POWERPUFFS AND I LOVE THATTTTGNJDFKNGJKD I ALSO LOVE KIRIDEKUS FRIENDSHIP .. ; M ; and you know what? I think bakudeku is getting there .. i hope we can see them be good friends comfortable w each other !! AND IN LOVE!!  

Character I most identify with: WELL actually believe it or not its todoroki LMFAOOGNJKGFD not bc im as sweet or nice or cute or amazing as him but just bc i Hashtag Relate to his emotional journey following parental abuse.. i guess if you dont factor that in i also am equally terrible with kids when i had a brief stint as a volunteer teacher they were always dragging me i guess not for the five pee pee thing so i guess it could be worse but. You know 

Character I wish I could be: i wish i could be have my life together as much as aizawa does .. he always got his sleeping bag w him? he living in 3000017…

[caddy-crystal-queen]

Introducing my new star wars original species (os): the Draconians

I’ve been wanting to post about these guys for a while, particularly their history through their rulers. I really wish to do an rp with these guys on here if anyones interested. So…here are some top ten basic facts about them. I do plan to get specific later, as i am currently writing a little book of sorts about their rulers. Now this is DEFINITELY NOT CANON. This is a species i purely made up and thought itd be awesome to share. So with that being said…

#10: the species name and home planet

The name draconian actually comes from the now destroyed homeworld of the draconis species, referred to as Old Draconia. The planet was “doomed” by a pair of powerful sith lords who used ancient sith sorcery to create a disease that ultimately killed the planet and everyone on it. Old Draconia is now pretty much just a land of ashes, ruins, and mist. Think of it almost as the silent hill of the star wars universe.

#9. Their Beliefs

Most of the Draconian religious and historical texts were lost to the doom, but its highly believed that the Draconians worshipped seven goddesses who resided in the constellation Draco. One of their myths stated that the dragons are actually children of the stars and its from the stars its where they got their fire. Each goddess was once a queen or other important political or social figure, each one representing a different element in nature.

#8. Their powers and Force Sensitivity

There was technically eight types of dragons. Six “common” dragons and two “rare” types. The six were able to control the elements (water, fire, earth, wind, light, and darkness), while the two rare dragons were called Celestials and Aethers. It was said the source of this “magic” was actually stemmed from Force sensitivity. Some draconians, mostly the Aether dragons, were able to “hide” themselves within the Force itself becoming invisible to almost all except for Force sensitives. Celestials could control all elements in nature except for Dark Matter, which was controlled by Aether dragons. But Dark Matter control was seen as dangerous and blasphemous to the seven goddesses so Aether dragons (then called Nether Dragons) were hunted to near extinction. They didnt see the Force as a weapon, like most did. But rather as a living protective deity which called the All Mother or The One Beyond the Seven Stars.

#7. Their government and society

The Draconians had a matriarchal society and were usually ruled by a queen. They did have a few kings here and there but two of them were the first dragon rulers, two others were absolutely cruel, and another was only given the title on the insistence of a queen. The queen was a descendant of the Conqueror, a young fire dragon who united the draconian species from their primitive tribal ways into a single kingdom. Women and girls were seen as more valuable after one queen, named Rhea, challenged her Nest Brother for the draconian throne and won by actually killing him. She declared a weak male would never again rule draconia, but they still had two very oppressive kings. The queen was entirely expected to have mostly daughters to succeed her. The title didnt however always go to the oldest. Sometimes it was determined by a fight between the Nest Sisters from the queens first clutch. If a queen dies without any daughters then one of her sisters would be next in line, followed by nieces, cousins, etc. As for the queens sons, well, they became mostly scholars, healers, soldiers and the like. The queens oldest son would become the captain of his sisters Queen’s Guard until she started to choose guards for herself. After that, he may become her advisor or take up any place in society he may want.

#6. The Queen’s Guard

The name is pretty self explanatory, the queens guard protected the queen. But in early days of the guard, it was also the queens harem in a sense. When she came of age, the queen was technically allowed to take whoever she wanted to her bed as long as it was consensual on both ends (rape was seen as a taboo). Most queens didnt actually get married after queen Rhea, but they did play Favorites. These Favorites were usually the Captains after her brother stepped down, and was often granted certain priviledges and favors/positions for his family. With that said, many families with strong sons or attractive sons pushed them to try to win the queens favor, as he is also more likely to conceive with the queen and therefore be the father of the next queen. However it wasnt just men on the guard, there were a few queens that actually favored women, as all draconians were actually taught to fight. But a queen always needs an heir so there always had to at least be one man on the Queens Guard.

#5. Rashkas and Dovas (Draycon)

“Rashka” and “Draycon” mean Rider and Dragon respectively. They were titles given to individuals who were bound together for life by a mental link. The Rashkas protected the common folk of Draconia, and mostly consisted of humans riding dragons. These humans were given powers and magic from their mounts who shared their lifeforce (called Dova in Old Draconia) with them. As long as the Draycon lived, so did the Rashka, and vise versa. That being said, early Rashka were nearly immortal as draconians usually lived for a very long time. A Rashka can usually have only one Draycon throughout their life time and again it works the other way around. However this mental link can be severed under extreme stress or just before death so the other can keep living. However their life after that was said to be terribly unhappy. Any dragon can be Draycon, and any person can be a Rashka. No one truly knows who or what determines how or why theyre chosen for each other. Queens however arent typically Draycon, with the exception of one who was the very first. Up until closer to modern day, it was believed only humans could be Rashka, but the first alien Rashka was a Duros who found and later hatched a Dark dragon egg…

#4. Tosca, the Mad Queen

The worst female ruler in draconian history was none other than Tosca the Mad. Born from the greatest ruler in draconian history, her reign was a complete contrast to her legendary mother’s, but it didnt start out that way. Tosca the First was obsessed with keeping her power and prestige, and would go to any lengths to keep it. It’s believed that her uncle, Malakai, cursed one of his sisters eggs before she killed him, making it so Tosca was influenced by him her whole life. She had her sisters husband locked away and later executed on false charges of treason and banished her sister, Nythia, to a distant world where she was to live in isolation for the rest of her days. Despite her paranoia, Tosca the Mad did manage to have one child survive to adulthood, though this child, a daughter named Harmonia, barely escaped with the help of smugglers. Tosca the Mad ruled for fifty years before her madness completely took over and therefore had to be killed. Harmonia succeeded her. She was the only mad queen in draconias history.

#3. Creed, the Draycon Queen

Ask any modern draconian who the greatest ruler in draconian history was and theyll tell you it was none other than Creed. She was the first Draycon ever, and the only to ever be queen. She ruled during the time of the old republic. Born to queen Sarella, creed and her nestmates (still in eggs at the time) were sent off of draconia to other worlds under a powerful enchantment, only draconian fire could hatch them, with the exception of her and her twin brother, named Malakai, who also had a rashka. Creed however lost her rashka when he was captured by the jedi, but not killed, thus keeping her alive but the jedi severed the link between the two. It left the princess absolutely miserable and she escaped coruscant to a distant deserted world, laying low a few years to learn to control all the elements in nature. Creed was the first queen since Queen Nymeria to learn such a thing. With her new found powers, Creed took back Draconias throne from her brother, who she later imprisoned and later executed. Her reign was draconias golden age.

#2. The Nether Purge

Of all the dragon types there are, nether dragons are the most misunderstood. With the power to control dark matter, the very fabric of the universe, these rarest of dragons were the most powerful in existence. So how did they die out? Well the answer isnt really known but its speculated that there werent all that many to begin with and the few that were killed or captured hadnt realized their full potential yet. But it wasnt just their power people feared, it was also the manner in which their mates were picked. As hatchlings, the Aether dragons removed a fragment of their own hearts and crystallized it. When in the presence of their soulmate the crystal glows. The thing that scared most other dragons was that this tended to happen around mostly hatchlings or very young dragons. Fearing for the future, and believing only celestials should come close to the seven goddesses, the Nether dragons were hunted, killed, or taken to a distant world where they couldnt do harm.

#1. The doom of old Draconia

The Doom of old Draconia was a catastrophic event for the dragons. Two sith lords came to queen Serren, the last queen, demanding to know the secret to draconian long life. The queen of course refused to tell them, claiming she didnt know. But this was only a partial truth. Ancient draconians once used a powerful dark magic to transfer their souls to new bodies but Creed banned the practice and had all knowledge of it erased. As for their naturally long lives (they can live up to about two and a half centuries supposedly) serren honestly didnt know. It was the secret of the Soul Release spell that the sith were after and serren, as the queen, was supposed to guard the secret with her life. The draconians’ magic was cut off leaving them defenseless from the onslaught of drought, famine, and disease that eventually overrode the planet. The queen was however able to escape with a single egg. But no one knows where she is…

And i hope you guys enjoyed reading that! I plan to write more about the rulers of draconia. If you got questions please feel free to ask, anonymous or not. I look forward to sharing more if you guys are interested ^^

[progressivleythin]

whos to blame

whos to blame for the reasons you drink

me

whos to blame for the reasons youve screamed about how you hate her

it was me i was once again the reason.

i dont want to keep going, i want to end it so bad but ive people i wanna see

you tell me im being dilusioinal but i remember seeing you threaten to leave this house if i keep doing that

i was simply laying down by my dad at the time. simply laying down smiling,,happy

shes a child mom my sister yelled i watched from the top of the stairs wondering what was happening. i was four or five

at 13 i witnessed or heard persay my dad finally beat you in front of me. you threw his phone you were both drunk so i was scared to call 911 as id have to live with his mom.

at 14 i realized my dad was a piece of shit but you mom, you stayed golden to me because you were on my side most

still. at 14 my dad punched me for the first time while screaming about how disrespectful id been to him i was simply walking away from him to keep from bursting into tears. he came two days later apologizing saying he cried at work about hitting me.

nearing the end of age 14 you had a fight with him. he was gonna leave and i didnt mind ive been wanting him to since i was around nine maybe?

he kept slamming doors and id chosen to mock him out of anger. bad choice as itd lead to your constant wish for death sofia. “you know what!? shut the fuck up sofia, its your fault its all because of you that me and your mom are always fucked up. if you werent here wed be fine but you and your fucking ungrateful ass keep getting in the way. im fighting it right now but you dont know how much i wish i could beat your ass right now for what YOU did to us”

thats when it clicked..youve never cared about me all along. and my fear of my dad peaked that day and my suicidal thoughts took control i relapsed that day after nearly two years clean! are you proud? you were both drunk and he admitted to his thoughts of abuse to me while you hid away in your bathroom “cleaning” to which i found out meant doing cocaine and smoking weed. i sat completely straight faced listening to him say that and worse trying to shw i wasnt weak but that one tear left my eye and i knew it was over im never gonna be stronger than the fucking hate from my “parents”. that night i tried suffocating myself before bed because i thought itd be better if i was gone.

at fourteen years old you led me to my first suicide attempt,or second if you consider the time i took four ibuprofen pills “because of my headache”.

im fifteen now and nearly cried tonight on the way home because you screamed fuck you to dad and i was scared hed hit you or me in front of the baby. or maybe hed decide to turn into oncoming traffic and end us all. that fears only been growing since and its only been four hours maybe? i nearly cried in front of you both because the baby knew what happened and wanted to cry too.

thank you parents! for showing your child how happy you are to have them in your life.

to anyone currently reading this ive only listed some of the worst. im not abused im not treated as a slave im simply treated as a human im happy when im not around them but im ok i have my older siblings to save me if times get rough.

to my mom if you ever find this i wanna say fuck you but i fucking care about you too much to mean it. i constantly think youre there for me but its because ive tried to forget the moments youve said bad about me.

and my dad i have nothing i want to say to you. no thank yous none at all not even a fuck you because itd mean i care enough to waste my breath. you try but i wont let you back in no matter what.

to my brother.. the only one whos helped me most i truly love you more than my own life! id take anybullet for you okay? youve been more of a parent to me than mom and dad and i thank you more than anything for that i love you so much so so so much franco too. i havent ended my life because of you and im truly grateful for you youre my angel and i cant live without you were both pretty broken after all. i hope you find yourself soon and i find my happy soon. i really really do love you okay? you shaped me into most of the person i am now and i cant imagine not having you. id probably be dead because you know how to make me feel happy. im crying most while writing to you because its true i cant be unhappy with you. thank you so much brother so much youre an angel with your own problems and you still take time to listen to me angrily rant about mom and dad.

to franco. youre three ive known you for a while and im glad i can. im also staying alive for you i want you to remember me as a great older sister rather than an aunt. youre like my little angel too..one that bothers me enough to get out of my room or enough to laugh genuinely inlove you and your dad so so so so so much youre both the light of my life im so truly grateful for youre presence in my life

to my sister. were not as close as sisters should be. im closer with my brother but i have amazing memories with you i hope we have more dude. ive had some deep convos with you maybe not like my brother and me but enough to know how your relationship is and im glad you trust me with that info. i love you so so so so so much too i hope you have an amazing future. i hope we get closer soon otherwise idk who ill come out to first

to my closest cousins. im sorry most of you didnt find this out sooner im sorry for being so awkward with every interaction we have for constantly fucking things up. i feel like an annoyance constantly so thank you for putting up with my shit.

my internet friends ive never met any of you but thanks to you guys too even the most recent ones :) some of you really listen and helped me through some dark shit.

to anna, the first person id ever r e a l l y dated. weve never met and we dated and yeah it didnt seem like it but it feels nice saying i have dated someone even if it was barely anything physical. you truly have heard my nearly darkest thoughts ive kept most because i dont wanna be a burden. you fit with the lil gaurdisn angel group too, youve helped me alot and were both pretty fucking fucked up people. idk what my life would be with out you. you mean alot to me maybe not as much as my brother as he has the highest “score” so far but its near that.

to keana and amaya. im fucking sorry for constantly speaking about my fucking weight to you guys especially you amaya youre so fucking young and ive already shown you eating disorders i hope you never have these thoughts. keana i feel the same i gotta get annoying to you at some point im sorry

to past me this is your “rough draft” maybe? for a suicide note. im not killing myself i just wanna get it out.

once again to my brother your tribute made me cry most dont tell me i dont care for you. you mean so much to me youre really keeping me alive by alot okay? keep it up big bro please i cant do this without you i know youre as broken as me somewhere youre doing great and youre gonna make it i hope i do too.

10.06.17

[wallkickswillwork]

signal jamming

incoherency is comforting because of the narrative weve been fed our whole entire lives that in order to be palatable media must in some way be complete and have beveled, well-defined edges rather than being a mess of finger paints, bright colors, strange dialogues and verbiage, build trees of moods.

thoughts on: -futuristic anime, 90s anime and the unique sense of mood in toonami shows. they are a very good series of shows for people who are coming of age and who must slowly be forced to reckon with the industrialization and mercenary nature of adult life, as it is increasingly held captive by capitalism. there is also something essentially spiritual about it, especially shows like precure and dbz, where an interior or exterior-made-interior force is responsible for the protagonists' success in the face of an oppressive world-system. under capitalism, it frequently is the case that the entire world or entirety-of-world is against us. heroes must overcome overwhelming odds to leave their mark on a gauntlet of greats. -cowboy bebop, final fantasy 7, metroid as meditations on loss, urbanization, dating back to blade runner. this is a type of meditation that is present in much of cyberpunk, but its also not exclusively cyberpunk, and can extend in nature to non-cyberpunk works.

thinking about necrobarista and how its attempting to "resuscitate" anime, while this approach doesnt really examine what contemporary anime like jojos, precure, and slightly more dated anime like hidaske and nichijou do well. if we get all this tunnel vision for gurren lagann and flcl we can never look forward. i think a lot of the visual work that needs to be done is probably in movies. i think maybe there could be work done to marry cinema proper with its animated counterpart. steven universe seems like it gets it, and there are some anime that really seemed like they got it. i dont think were beyond salvation.

-listening to the whos "tommy" and thinking about how trauma and the humanity of that trauma is experienced and lived-through by the main character in socratic fashion. these stories are discussed by people whose actual, authentic experience of trauma irl is doubtful at best. they are great successes on stage who dont struggle in the sense that an actual victim would struggle. calls to mind how a lot of freuds patients would fabricate csa in order to fulfill the expectations of the therapist. but in other cases, actual patients with csa would repress their experiences or not feel comfortable discussing. so thats how i feel about gurus like meher baba or i guess alan watts. less trustworthy and more like scam artists. i do believe in what they teach, however. i think that a guru can teach the truth even if that guru is a liar. maybe its the truth, but the guru doesnt know it to be true, or else, the way the guru teaches it is untrue.

-for a while i imagined my own autism to be the result of childhood trauma that was repressed, but later emerged that those memories were fabricated, to my knowledge, and was left wondering.

-learning to regard the world with a sense of wonder from media like cowboy bebop and ff7. these worlds are jaded and decaying realities but there is a sense of awe at the vast, uncompromising reality. truly vast, sprawling and yawning cities and vast starry skies up above. beholding these things and beholding the starry skies and huge cities of our own planet surely stirs something in me.

-fantasy anime tends to go the joke route like slayers or else the route of "we are all kids, bro, stuck in an mmo" and i think this is mostly due to the admittedly antiquated setting of high fantasy in european trochets and history which to japanese people probably feel like white person set dressing and as they should, i mean. there are more high fantasy themes in something like inuyasha and japans history can be feudal, edo, the meiji restoration, primordial like princess mononoke, etc, so theres more wiggle room for historical works there. slayers et al is usually reduced to "characters moving around the forest" which is almost like this grand slice of the collective anime consciousness as it stands overlapping with, say, pokemon, to the extent where its one of the cliche anime things everyone thinks about, alongside high school, robots, nurses, etc.

-another thing to which we could probably ascribe the success of something like slayers to is wizardry and by proxy dragon quest. small graph paper monster garden games. the appeal is entirely mathematical so there are only a few directions that anime directors tend to run with it (goofy gag comedy if youre making a show or cut and dried authentic dungeon crawlers with moe characters instead of the usual dbz ones). going off what you definitely learn in japanese history class if youre a japanese student, for starters, there are thousands of years of chinese history, so you have romance of 3 kingdoms type stuff. or you have high school romances accounting for the various fire emblems where the appeal becomes game of thronesy "which of my characters in dragon quest land can i make kiss each other and myself", very good ground to cover as we start asking the important questions. theres samurai stuff as we already know, drawing on years of samurai media, kurosawas films and zen spirituality, art of the blade type stuff, jeet kune do in some instances and reaching so far afield as to probably raise some interesting and important questions about pan-asiatic cultural identity which this author (white) is ill-advised to answer. but reeling it back in, the question mostly being of history, and how a lot of fantasy media draws more from History proper as a codified cultural body than histories being individuated familial experiences. its true that when a work does something unique with history (earthbounds hippy dippy approach to the 1960s, undertales handling of furry culture, yume nikkis south american murals) its tended to be seen as that works "thing" as if because hulk hogan was an all american wrestler that precluded john cena from being same, or at least, embodying a similar if slightly modified niche. nobody can make a hippy dippy rpg now or something because itd just be called an earthbound ripoff rather than a loving homage. and i think thats wrong headed and how genres become stillborn rather than invented and developed upon. we have this vast morass of stuff from the 20th century and we could be developing various 60s, 70s, 80s fantasies. hindsight is 20/20 i guess. who knows, we could see bluff city become something in 50 years time.

i feel this is because of extreme stringent expectations of intellectual property laws and their dissemination into everyday discourse online. i dont really like or agree with monolithic cultural expectations like intellectual property or *shudder* advertising, but only to the extent where i can acknowledge that whether or not i agree with them is irrelevant to their all-consuming scope and the need for marxists to actively combat them. its one thing to say "x is bad" and another to clamor for urgency of fighting x, which is, if you believe what we read every day about global warming, too late, so its not important. nevertheless there are a multiplicity of settings that could be developed into genres and identities and ideologues that rarely are if only because it would be seen as "oh yeah like that other thing". people are fickle and develop dwarflike strange moods when it comes to defining what constitutes original versus hackneyed and derivative. i think its mostly dictated by star signs and the weather.

so lately if you follow me on twitter youve probably noticed im doing sort of a tweet concrete kind of thing where i post plaintext quotes from various media taken out of context. i decided to do this for a while, maybe a few weeks, because aesthetic blogs and the aesthetic style of blogging allow me to pool and channel my energies towards larger and more ambitious styles of writing. i usually get loaded on caffeine during this process and frequently watch large amounts of anime and meditate some. its definitely a process and its geared toward something hazily, vaguely spiritual but with pretentions toward being authentically publishable as theory. the idea also being i would like to make some money to support my livelihood, and i like to write, and am somewhat skilled at it, or at least experienced in kind of a ramshackle homespun sort of way. so if my social media presence is pretty boring and kind of weirdly nostalgic or else contrariwise if you feel it has improved lately thats the reason why that happened.

ive been getting very hazy and foggy mentally lately. i feel like it has to do with caffeination and lack of sleep. its important to get everything flowing properly, and sometimes depression and anxiety make that difficult to do. theres anxiety over unemployment, something im trying to remedy, and theres anxiety over theory and where to proceed next via theory. for years i was a devout buddhist in some ways, and meditated a lot, almost every day. i prayed to the bodhisattvas and copped to buddhist metaphysics, something which, based around personal life experience, i had every reason to believe was true. lately and in my own, strange way, ive begun to question this ideology and interpret it as part of a patchwork of ideologies, each one which attempts to describe a totality, a totality which is rarely if ever described properly by any ideology. grasping at straws in a structural sense, and feeling nonplussed but with no ground to run to, and im back on the boss level in super mario 64 where bowser smashes the ground to make it fall away. attempts at restructuring as this dissolution transpires only serve to create new protocols equal in scope to pre-existing paradigms. and there are plenty of people who dont struggle this much with religion and probably still go to heaven, or think theyre going to heaven, or something. hows marge and the kids. did jerry get that new promotion. mom just got back from vacation in cancun. smalltalk style concerns arising in every day transitionary speech feel distinct and very distant from these kind of hazy, pie in the sky questions. plato never wrote about the kind of stuff you see in a cheers episode. there are philosophy books that try to merge the two, but they usually get shelved in the comedy section.

so its mostly a matter of trying to absorb and contain new information, which abides in abundance, and trying to corral it into sort of a pointing arrow to direct me where to go, in my hewing, a feat not easily done. probably the endgame is in the crafting and solution of art, but what kind of art, and whether i have the tools at my disposal to even create it, is less easily answered. so for now, i guess, im absorbing, waiting, asking questions, and who knows, and who can say.

earliest memories of religion are of the greco roman religion and not knowing about the mystery religious rites but knowing about an abstract concept of wisdom and the ocean and extrapolating the existence of athena and poseidon in that way. later i have memories of exposure to christianity and buddhism and bahai but none of these things feel particularly useful to me at this time in my life. i can more readily receive a picture, a kind of enlarged image, of a broad religious landscape and some of the questions it attempts to provide answers for, or at least, a way of thinking about. the greco roman religion, for instance, is a presentation of a deleuzian multiplicity, and the monotheistic religions are a monad, but i also dont think either of these things can say the other is inherently undesireable. tolerance seems to be the best method, but also, and likewise, not dwelling specifically in any of them. acknowledging they all exist, but not being any of them. enjoying in surfeit the tension between multiplicity and monad. that there can be many things and one thing. like the album cover of dark side of the moon.

[comicteaparty]

March 7th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on March 7th, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PST.  The chat focused on 2 for Joy by Abi Watson.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing 2 for Joy by Abi Watson~! (https://tapas.io/series/2-for-joy)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

i think at the moment that my fave scene is when art goes to the library. cause before the comic possibly toed the line about whether everything was conspiracy or coincidence. and thats the scene that says "nope conspiracy." i just also found it to be this really tense scene cause of the librarians talking about art like he was some super threat. which brave to making an activity like visiting library archives seem test. overall though, the part i like best is that it still leaves the question of what the one librarian guarding the archives wouldve done had art's rouse come to light

Superjustinbros

Ello~!

I have returned

RebelVampire

hey super~!

mathtans

I'm... kinda here for now. I did like the library scene, the librarian conspiracy was interesting.

Superjustinbros

https://tapas.io/episode/1159441

mathtans

I liked the cast moment there too, for the amusement value.

(Which arm was it? Whoa hoa...)

RebelVampire

yeah the cast moment was great, partly cause i was no expecting this random moment of humor to roll up

mathtans

As to my fave scene though, I think interestingly I'll need to go with the nametag thing. Because it was just kind of funny at the time, but had some significance later, with the gender change thing, and the not wanting to get him a new tag. Also explains (kind of) why he wears it upside-down.

Superjustinbros

It also gave me flashbacks to when I broke some fingers on one of my hands and had to go into a cast for about a month

back in middle school

mathtans

Ouch. I've never actually needed a cast for anything.

Also, maybe Tec is just waiting for the cast to heal before the fight, humm.

Superjustinbros

Yeah it was not pleasant. I'd go into detail about it more but this is a CTP

RebelVampire

yeah i really liked that on the side the nametag was made to be more relevant. it wasnt just some quirky character thing. which i mean the latter wouldve been fine, but i just like the element that these are characters who have been living their lives without art and the town didnt suddenly exist again just cause art showed up

https://tapas.io/episode/1121842 less a scene but i also really enjoy this page because of all the character reactions. like you got the whole circus of emotions going on and it conveys so much without needing any sort of dialogue

Superjustinbros

https://tapas.io/episode/1128546 and this one two pages later

mathtans

Also weird how Jack's name has dual significance.

Superjustinbros

"it means that makes a liar"

mathtans

I see what you mean there. (I'm not always good at picking up on artistic choices.)

RebelVampire

yeah. although that has gotta kind of suck. i mean i wouldnt want to find out a person i was named after was actually dead and i was just never told XD

Superjustinbros

https://tapas.io/episode/1296840 The latest bit also sparked my interests

RebelVampire

tbh, mike is probably just dumb/evil and not a liar. cause i severely raised an eyebrow to anyone who thinks they can cull birds from an area and theyll just never ever come back even for a short period of time

i really love art's dumb conspiracy journal

i am jealous and want one

Superjustinbros

yus

RebelVampire

but also someone needs to teach jack journalism does not actually involve journals XD

mathtans

Yeah, I don't think Mike's really got it out for anyone though. Maybe he's related to the librarians.

Art draws pretty well. He makes... art.

RebelVampire

an unfortunate nickname well suited to puns

Superjustinbros

"What did you name your son?" "Art"

"Is that really his name?" "No it's just a nickname he likes."

RebelVampire

but i really like how the journal shows art's thought processes and everything. like its a great way to build character without art smacking you with dialogue to put you in his head

Superjustinbros

lol

I never actually thought of that- to give a character a journal

and just have them jot down in it every once in a while

and show you what they write/doodle

mathtans

That's a good point. A little window into his view of the plot.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. One of the central features of the story is the vast conspiracy that seems to haunt Art’s hometown. Are the birds truly leading Art somewhere, or are they really just a coincidence? If the former, where are they leading Art to? Why were all the magpies culled and what does this have to do with murders and supposed cults? What was the one librarian scared of Art finding in the archives? Why is the other librarian willing to help Art? What does all this have to do with the forest and the various people who have gone missing in it? How do you think everything connects in general?

I think the birds are leading Art somewhere but im skeptical theyre actually birds. Cause conveniently nobody but Art sees them UNTIL Alice and Jack get involved. And then suddenly cause theyre part of the plot they can see them. So I kind of wonder if they arent birds but supernatural entities that look like birds

mathtans

I feel like that title "2 for joy" has something to it; I've never heard of the saying (rhyme?) before about the magpies, but there was a reference made. So turning it around, you need to have two people or the birds will get you.

Ohh, that's an interesting theory. I like it.

Maybe the missing people got turned into birds.

Superjustinbros

and then the birds haunt more people

and turn them into birds

it's how they spread

RebelVampire

thats an interesting idea. or more optimistically the birds are trying to lead art to a cure

mathtans

A cure for what though? He's not sick.

RebelVampire

actually if this was true itd explain why jack kind of got dragged in

one of those birds is his uncle

mathtans

Or a cure for the thing that turns the eyes white?

RebelVampire

i meant a cure for them

to be not birds

mathtans

Ohh, now I'm with you.

The librarians also used to be birds. That's why they're in on the conspiracy, they don't want to have to be birds again.

RebelVampire

the family secrets that cant be told are that art was patient 0 and really a ghost bird all along

on a more serious guess, maybe theyre leading art to ground zero though. like assuming there is supernatural stuff at work, when things like whats going on in the town happen, theres usually like an origin point. like a pentagram in the woods though probably not that.

mathtans

That's why they saved his life!

Superjustinbros

Good thinking.

mathtans

Maybe, could be something silver, what with the bird connection.

RebelVampire

arent magpies the ones who like shiny stuff?

mathtans

I think so? I don't know much about birds.

RebelVampire

google tells me yes but that this is a myth

and that scientifically them stealing the shiny things is not backed up by dedicated observation and testing

https://tenor.com/view/themoreyouknow-star-rainbowstreak-nbc-gif-4884642

which now leaves me torn cause i was gonna guess that theyre just leading art to their silver pile of treasure

mathtans

As Jack said, the true treasure was the friends they made along the way.

RebelVampire

ya know, given the title, that is probably all that matters

that through their quest theyre going to find joy

mathtans

And Joy will be the wife of that guy who was blamed for all the murders?

(Seriously though, it's interesting how deep the rabbit hole seems to go.)

Actually, now that I think of it, there was an X-Files reference too. Possibly just in the author's notes though.

RebelVampire

ya know

i would not be surprised if the wife's name did turn out to be joy

although id also find that kind of funny

mathtans

(off to crib)

RebelVampire

aside from birds though, im turning my attention to the archives. cause from the convo i gathered that besides other things, there were things with births and deaths art wasnt supposed to find? and given the one extra side page, i really wonder if it has to do with art's birth since hes adopted

(good luck)

RebelVampire

but maybe i misread the conversation. i mean maybe theyre just trying to cover up exactly how many people have gone missing in the forest. cause its too shameful or a high risk for crashing that small town tourism cash cow

or theyre trying to cover up the fact that the cult is still sort of active and something in the archives proves how deep the cult runs

mathtans

(back-ish) Yeah, I noticed the adoption thing and wondered briefly about it.

You think maybe the "murders" were just lots of missing people?

Superjustinbros

Yeah I wouldn't want that getting out inot the public

mathtans

A birb cult.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. In the recent pages, Jack and Art have decided they need to go into the forest and look around. What do you think will happen to the two while in the forest? Will they see more birds? Will the silver compass come into play? Do you think the two will be in danger considering the possessions that seem to have occurred to certain individuals? In regards to the conspiracy, what answers do you think the two might find directly in the forest? Lastly, do you think going into the forest will have other consequences? What if members of the town find out about their little expedition? What about Alice?

and it could be. that there are less murders than we think and everyone is just missing.

i do think the adoption thing is significant

Superjustinbros

more birds definitely

RebelVampire

i think what will happen in the forest is theyll get jumpscared a lot but then learn nothing. outside of the forest is spooky af. although i also think theyre gonna find something they dont think is significant until later and theyre like "le gasp signs of the missing ppl"

Superjustinbros

"forests are spooky"

the moral of the story

mathtans

(back-ish again) I wonder if going into the woods will cause a replay of the Hec stuff. Like Jack will have his eyes go white and try to beat up Art and then won't remember about it. Could put their relationship on the rocks a bit.

Or jumpscares with birds.

RebelVampire

tbh i actually assume if that were to happen alice would be the more likely possession target

like shell show up

scold

suddenly rolled back eyes

beat art up

mathtans

Ooooh. That'd definitely shake up the character dynamics. I wonder if the birds tried to talk to her first, but she didn't listen? Since she also left town for a while.

RebelVampire

maybe. although now im wondering how she and art both happen to coincientally be back in town. like we know kind of why art is there. but alice too seems a huge coincidence in a story where coincidences are actually conspiracies

mathtans

Hmmmm. Maybe she's not really there? Has anyone other than Art and Jack mentioned actually seeing Alice?

Maybe she's Jack's guardian angel or something in disguise.

RebelVampire

im trying

to recall a moment

i mean shes gone half the time and not able to interact with outside ppl

there was the one scene where theyre all eating together

but i dont remember if any outside person approached them

mathtans

Did Mike comment on her though? Because she only turned up when Art admitted to Jack that he was waiting for her.

(Is she a bird? Man, I can't tell if my conspiracy theories are totally crazy or not.)

RebelVampire

the only reference mike makes is later on when hes scolding jack and ask if its going to become another summer where he ignores customers to gossip with his "little friends"

so specifically plural

BUT

the context does not imply that there has to be multiple

more like the implication that more friends could show up even tho just the one is there

so it could go either or

mathtans

Indeeeed.

Oh, wait! The guy in the compass shop. He saw her, in the hat.

Mustache man... maybe he's in on it?

RebelVampire

darn it compass guy

mathtans

(Nice subtle detail in that scene by the way, him not recognizing Jack after the transition.)

RebelVampire

ruining our good alice isnt there theory

mathtans

Heh.

Alice and Art do prove that you can leave the town without just vanishing then.

RebelVampire

yes. until the town pulls you back

by crashing your car

i think jack and art going into the forest is going to attract unwanted town attention

i can hear that one librarian now going "i told you he was up to something!"

mathtans

They went swimming without incident though. As long as they play it off as camping or whatever, who would care.

RebelVampire

suspicious librarians

thats who would care

"They just went swimming who goes swimming that much they must be suspicious!"

mathtans

I wonder what the librarians do in their off hours.

Superjustinbros

sme tbh

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Among the conspiracies are a lot of emotional conflicts and changing relationships. Do you think Art and Jack’s flirting will go anywhere? Whether it does or not, how might their investigations and the revealing of certain secrets affect how they view each other? How might it change Art’s relationship with Alice given Alice is reluctant to buy into the conspiracies as much as Art or Jack? Also, how will learning more help or hurt Art’s ability to deal with Hec? Do you think Hec is in on the conspiracy or is Jack right and Hec just wants to fight? Lastly, why do you think Art was the one targeted by the birds, and how does Jack play into the ultimate roles that the supernatural events seem to have intended for them? How might Jack’s missing uncle come into play and change how Jack deals with the situation?

the nice librarian goes home and reads books. the mean one is obviously part of HOA and the neighborhood watch

mathtans

Related to the relationship stuff, it's nice how the gay angle was put in as a sidebar, just a statement of fact. I wonder a little bit if younger Art had a thing for Hec, which is partly why he sees the best in the guy.

Related to the bird stuff, the second appearance of the birds related to a baby. Not sure how that fits in.

Superjustinbros

i was surprised to see the gay comment, I'll admit

did Art drop that fact earlier on in the story?

mathtans

Yeah, when it was the four birds for Jack I think.

RebelVampire

yeah its pretty super early on

like not first page

but very early

Superjustinbros

aye

mathtans

Like maybe birth as the opposite of death? :/

RebelVampire

i worried it meant the baby was gonna die tbh XD

mathtans

Oooh, super serious.

RebelVampire

mostly cause so far the birds have an omen sort of tone and omens arent good

and they caused art to crash his car

soooo

Superjustinbros

and put him in a cast?

mathtans

But he was going to crash anyway, right?

RebelVampire

maybe? i mean art says the birds saved his life or something but that doesnt mean thats the objective fact of what happened

mathtans

Art and Jack seem destined to get together though, after the bit with Hec in the alley.

True. Wishful thinking?

RebelVampire

i do think in this case maybe

at the very least i dont think alice and jack are wrong in thinking some of this bird thing is about art kind of not coping with what happened

cause i def dont think art is dealing with it and that even though something is going on, hes also using it as a distraction

cause both can be true

maybe this comic is just the labyrinth and the birds are gonna spirit the baby away to turn it into a troll

mathtans

The baby is really Art. It's all time travel. He takes the baby back and gets himself adopted.

RebelVampire

so does that make the librarians the time police?

Superjustinbros

...That would be a pretty epic twist(edited)

mathtans

One of them is a grown up Jughead.

As to why Art was targeted, maybe Art has unfinished business in town.

RebelVampire

well id say hec is unfinished business. although maybe thats why. that art encountered the supernatural and lived to tell the tale and didnt disappear in the forest

so that proves he has magical supernatural immunity

mathtans

Oh, immunity, that's an interesting idea. Maybe it's because he was adopted and didn't grow up in town or something?

Maybe everyone has silver poisoning.

Superjustinbros

Oooooooooo

mathtans

Can that make your eyes go white?

RebelVampire

art is just the chosen one

idk

lets see

mathtans

I hope the Art and Jack thing works out. Art needs some grins in his life, and I gather the transition wasn't easy for Jack either.

RebelVampire

“Silver poisoning, medically termed argyria, causes ashen gray discoloration of the skin (and other tissues of the body).”

thats what the first result tells me

i think itll work out just cause its called 2 for joy and theyre the ones in all the banners

and they do seem to be mutually attracted to each other. although i do wonder if they solve the conspiracy if that will remain

mathtans

That's true... maybe the two of them will adopt a baby, whence the "2 for joy" relates to the birds too?

I suppose the specific species of bird is related too, but I don't know from specifics.

The real conspiracy, of course, is how that diner manages to have the best pancakes in town.

Superjustinbros

That'd be cute, just sayin

(or a young child)

RebelVampire

i liked the bit where jack was criticizing alice for making up ppl

but then art joins in

with an even more ridiculous chain

mathtans

Yeah, that helps to show the sibling angle too.

Superjustinbros

I guess since there's only a few minutes left, I'd like to take the time to say good luck to abi on getting this story worked on, it's looking great so far.

mathtans

Yeah, the characters are interesting along with the plot, like I don't think I've ever seen this sort of mix before.

Superjustinbros

Well said.

mathtans

Hope they bring pancakes into the woods to appease the birds.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Abi Watson, as well, for making 2 for Joy. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Abi Watson’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://tapas.io/series/2-for-joy

Abi Watson’s Redbubble Shop: https://www.redbubble.com/people/abiwatson

Abi Watson’s Society 6 Shop: https://society6.com/abiwatsonillustration/s?q=new

Abi Watson’s Gumroad Shop: https://gumroad.com/abiwatson

Abi Watson’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/abiwatsonart?lang=en

[lueluepanue-blog]

"You're not perfect either."

This is what youd always try and point out to me almost every argument. This is what you tried to point out to me post breakup when I tried to get you to once see you were wrong. The thing is, everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. The thing is, is theres a difference between what I “Did” to you and you to me. Yes. I was messy. Yes, I could have cooked more often. And then there’s the “controling” card you try and throw out as well. Controlling even though I endlessly gave you what you wanted or id never hear the end of it. And even if it bothered me inside-such as having sleepovers with girls youve slept with, or whatever it was that was “controlling”- I gave you what it was that you wanted cause my feelings were always underneath yours. The thing is, is i didnt pinch or squeeze you as hard as I could if I heard something or you said something I didnt like in front of friends and even family. I didnt get drunk and when wed get home id be throwing up or lose the soul in my eyes black out and choke you- (More then one occasion.) I didnt complain about everything you do for me. Wether it was the clothes i bought you, the phone my grandmother bought you, trips Id planned, dinners I bought, where we lived (especially with my family, even though we were homeless), trying to cheer you up constantly cause you were always mad or bothered by something… you were never grateful, always had a negative comment, always a flaw with what was being done for you. Nothing was good enough. I didnt take my anger out on you day in and day out. If you were grumpy you made sure I was grumpy too. And I’d try and reverse the anger by making you smile over and over. But youd get meaner and meaner hurting me and my feelings. I didnt hurt your feelings constantly or shun you away from kisses and hugs. And when my feelings were hurt and you were clearly in the wrong itd take me a good 3 hours to go through why you owe me and apology and what you did wrong. And even still most times you saw nothing wrong with your behavior in which id finally break down with panic attack telling you that you continuously hurt me and that you needed to change only for you to finally say sorry after crushing me down to the point where sorry should have been said so long ago it didnt mean anything. You said sorry too late too many times. Sometimes if I were lucky you’d acknowledge you knew you had a problem and that you couldn’t help it but that you loved me and if I loved you id put up with it. Making me believe it was okay for someone who says they love someone to treat them like that and that i had to basically be okay with how i was treated. Remember I was told by you I couldn’t drive the car for two years. Yet bitched cause you had to drive me everywhere. Remember how we always listened to your music? And not mine? Cause if it were something I wanted to listen to, or watch on tv you acted rude and huffed and puffed because you wanted to listen to your music. I never was continuously late to pick you up from work. Or forgot you cause I was too drunk at the bar. (Happened one time, regardless, you were 2 and half hours late and drunk at the bar before you even realized I was done with work). You were a nice drunk. Except for when you were alone with me. I never said things to embarrass you or upset you in front of family and friends on purpose if i were mad. I never left you during our relationship and fucked an ex and you at the same time telling both i loved them. I never kissed your mom drunk, or made out with people at the bar drunk then make an excuse for it. I never blatantly hit on your mom in front of you. I never pushed you in front of your mother either. I never stopped giving you attention, or stopped wanting to play. I NEVER. It goes on and on. There’s a difference between things people should work on to improve their relationship and straight up mental and physical abuse. “You act like I beat you.”-your words. Okay so because you didnt kick the shit out of me its not abuse? Pinching? Slapping? Choking? Squeezing? “You act like I did it all the time”- your words. Okay so because it didnt happen everyday the damage it caused my heart and mind is irrelevant? And then there’s the emotional abuse. Putting me down about being bisexual. Questioning me to the point no matter what answer i gave it upset you even if it were the truth. Calling me a whore. (Even though you slept with more people) ….**makes alot of sense*** telling me im disgusting over my past or shame me. Telling me i need to stop eating cause I was getting “big”. Justifying hurting my feelings in any shape or form making me believe i was worthless. In what right mind does someone get to hurt someone’s feelings and then get mad at them for getting upset about it. Oh dear my love I could go on and on. Mentally id rather take 12 punches to the face than deal with the mental side of abuse. So, finally one day I gained courage to leave the woman im in love with. I told you itd happen eventually over and over. That id take everything and end it. And that would make you mad. Shame on me for giving countless opportunities to turn everything around grow old with me. Shame on me for trying and fighting for as long as I could and finally breaking from the pain. So I left. And instead of saying to yourself I could have my home and family back if I changed my behavior towards my fiance, you were mad cause I took it away. And even still, I offered to help you out. I said all we needed was some space and for you to get back on track and wed be fine. But no. I was still the monster. I was a “whore” for sleeping with people who at the time hadnt even been slept with. I hadnt even slept with anyone and you were sending nudes and sexting on day three or four. I was a bitch and a cunt for leaving you with “nothing.” Instead of fixing the problem, you pushed me farther away. You were drinking every night. Threatening your life and threatening to crash my car. Name calling. Doing everything opposite of what a person would do if they were to actually fix things. So I started taking away my help. Stopped talking to you as often cause I didn’t want to be put down any longer. Everytime I tried after breaking up youd lash out and be mean and then clam down and tell me youd fix it. Except I had heard it a million times over. Heaven forbid i wanted you to prove for once you meant it. Once I became silent waiting for you, you started the statuses. Degrading me. Making me seem crazy. Making it look like it was me all along. And i wanted to kill myself. How could one person put me through so much and then make the public believe I was the one in the wrong. Then I got the apologies after you knew deep down you were gonna kill me. Then I got the kisses when i saw you again. Then I got the care and love i wanted when i saw you. But it seemed fake. I was so used to you hurting me i didnt believe you when you briefly gave me love those couple of times. After I wanted to die i was so numb and stripped of myself i slept with others. I started to lose hope in us. I wanted attention. And love. I wanted to feel anything other than what I was. And i closed you out still hoping youd eventually come knocking on my door to lift me up and kiss me telling me it was all gonna be okay now. Hoping you would have fought for us. Fixed your mistakes. Hoping id be able to have my family back together and that you truly loved me. After sleeping with them you sort of tried still. New girl was already relevant in your life at this point too. I wasn’t concerned though. You were giving me somewhat of what i wanted with her there. Kisses. Misses. Got a job. I thought you were finally getting it. I was ready for you to come home. And then you cut me cold. Told me I could have had you. Told me it was because I slept with others even though you were loving on me after that. Even though you were sleeping around too. Told me I couldn’t have you and it was my fault. Told me you were moving on with her. Little did i know you were with her long before my knowledge and still giving me false hope. According to facts she was your girlfriend may 11th just wasnt publicly announced. It took you only from the last week of march to the second week of may to forget all about 2 years of family and someone who really loved you. 7 weeks to move on. Meanst the whole time bitched at me for “moving on and seeing others” when im the one who stayed single and faithful to our family and youre the one who moved on. The one who moved on when they were the one who caused the problem. How humiliating for me. How unloved and forgotten and betrayed I felt. I had faith in you and us even after all the pain i was caused and I got shit on. How disappointing, I thought our love was real. I thought instead of finding a new girl to love youd wipe the tears from the one whos done everything for you, your family, and fix the broken. How unimportant and small i felt. How worthless and not speacial you showed me I was. And then I wanted to die all over again. My whole belief in anything and everything was crumbled. I spent two years trying to make it work for us. Gave everything I had in me to fight for us. Meanst while getting fucked in the head and hurt repeatedly. And i wasn’t even worth one attempt. I begged for you to realize. Begged for us. Begged for you to realize I was suffocating and the pain was all so much dying would have been easier. Mentally after everything i was fucked up in the head. Who wouldn’t Be? That’s when you told me “I need professional help and that I was sick.” Dear God, but boy oh boy you never saw you were the one who caused it. You never saw you should have fixed it. All you saw was me breaking down and that it was “my fault” cause I could have had you. I was nothing to you anymore. My screams for you to come home were just annoying noise and I “wasn’t” your baby anymore so you let me burn. And you watched. “You weren’t there for me when i wanted to die”-your words. Heaven forbid i told you i want a break and for once let you live with what you did. Thinking youd take me seriously about our relationship. You never did. You let it slip away. “Why would you wanna be with me if it was that bad and we always fought.”-your words. The answer is simple. I love you. I love all the good and the bad. I love the way you were when you weren’t treating me horribly. I even love your mental illness. However, I don’t love abuse. Mental or physical. I always told you I don’t want to change who you are, I want you to change how you treat me. And that was too hard for you. You didnt want to. And then I realized after all this you hadn’t fixed anything. You quit your job. You blamed me for us not being together. You got a new girl. And you ran away from your problems. All along the only reason I wanted you back was for the sake of I was seeing some improvements. And boy was I wrong after being shit on. Now i don’t know if you ever truly loved me or are capable of love. If you can do it to me- someone who loved you truly so much and did everything for you who you say you love- then youll do it to anybody, anyone. You see, I know you so well, I was the one person who saw your flaws knew to put you in your place, continued to try for us regardless, and at the end of the day still loved you and knew deep down you were better than it, and had faith in you even still. How sad to have let me get to this point. To push me aside. To disregard everything ive done, and spend the rest of life without me. And yet id still let you come back and always will. BECAUSE I DON’T GIVE UP ON PEOPLE OR LOVE JUST BECAUSE IT’S TOUGH. And maybe youll never realize, and maybe you will. And if you do, youll know what you have to do to truly make it right. And if you dont, that is a damn shame for you. And for myself.

Tonight I put these words visibly and clearly for my love. For myself. For us. For family.

I love you more than you will ever be able to comprehend. I miss you with every cell in my body. I see you in everything and everywhere I go.

However, I am strong. Please know its okay to be wrong