#like i think some of you aren’t seeing it as a cautionary tale since you seem to WANT your faves to be a big name

[autumnrory]

this is not a slight against any of those artists because i don’t give a shit how famous someone is and it’s probably preferable in many ways to be less famous anyway but i need stans to realize there is a difference between internet famous and famous famous and like. taylor swift is famous famous WHETHER YOU LIKE HER OR NOT that is the truth and stans and haters and even the general public obsess over everything she does and meanwhile a lot of the people she’s in competition against in terms of releases are internet famous and outside of their dedicated group of stans online who may or may not actually be putting in the effort to support their music (bc it seems they spend more energy yelling on twitter lol) that artist may not be that well known and ya know. just has fewer people streaming their music LIKE THAT’S JUST HOW IT WORKS oh my god it does not mean taylor swift is an evil villain preventing their success it doesn’t even mean that they’re not at all successful bc like i said especially in these days internet famous is a big deal but taylor has internet stans AND casual fans streaming her music like. that is what gives her a leg up lol

[ghost-bxrd]

ANOTHER DAY another cool au by the ghstbird community <33 Eldritch Jason Todd u are gorg <3, random question for brainstorming since I'm too invested now

How did the adoption scene take place? The same crime alley thing? Catherine todd? Willis? AAAAA or just local eldritch being that steals car parts (he's emulating human behaviour in crime alley, maybe he just tosses them later to kids???) maybe he just has immense compassion towards humans (although he doesn't fully understand them) (all Jasons need to be made out of bleeding compassion FOR ME BUT!! depends on what characteristics we're pulling for) (AND. IF HE'S DYING FOR SHELIA? gotta be compassionate. HE'S ROBIN, he is full of love towards these fleshbags. Though... uh... nonhuman... and having messed up emotional responses)

Nonono, because Robin Jason with his bleeding compassion is so important to me as well!!!

So basically (because I’ve put too much thought into this little au as per usual) the bullet points for eldritch Jason and the things you mentioned are as follows:

Jason spontaneously came into being. Eldritch things aren’t usually born in the way humans are, and Jason used to be a concept that suddenly gained consciousness.

(There was a short period of time where the brainstorming went into the direction of “eldritch jason found a dead street kid and assumed his appearance/inhabited the body”, but this seemed a bit dark so I had to come up with an alternative)

Jason watched humans for a quite a while and—alone from the very beginning— became enamored with the concept of family and love and happiness and belonging

One way or another (no specifics as of yet) Jason ends up with Catherine and Willis. Willis isn’t too shoddy in this au, he’s just… pretty neglectful. And a criminal. He does his damndest to stay well clear of wherever Jason is because that kid— he’s not normal. Maybe he’s a meta, Willis doesn’t care, all he knows that the sense of doom he feels around him is unnatural and he’d rather make his home in prison than around Jason

Catherine loves Jason. She can’t see beyond the surface layer of humanity Jason wears, partly due to her substance abuse, and Jason… knows that humans can’t last long like this. He can see her organs failing, her brain activity dimming, but he doesn’t know how to fix it. And he’s too busy basking in the love he’s finally feeling for the first time

Jason loves being human. If he could lock everything that isn’t human about himself away, he would. He thrives on witnessing strangers showing compassion to one another, to see them struggle and overcome hardships. They’re just a blip in the cosmos, in time, but they’ve got so much to offer. But likewise, he loathes witnessing injustice

When Jason ends up on the streets he’s just a big ball of sad. No home, no love, nothing. Nothing left. At least he needs neither food nor shelter to survive, but it still sucks. He loses some of his blind eyed wonder for humanity during this time, but not enough to give up on it. He adapts, he overcomes, and like you said, he starts emulating other street kids. Collecting scraps and handing them out to the young ones. And when he sees the Batmobile just standing there… well, that’s a week’s worth of food for ten of the kids he knows

Hitting Batman with the tire iron is a knee jerk reaction borne from cautionary tales about adults. He’s not actually scared of Batman

(Batman may be a little scared of Jason. Especially when he ends up buying him a burger and, out of the corner of his eye, thinks he sees Jason unhinge his jaw only to reveal five more jaws and and an abyssal void and—)

Just… eldritch things. And the tribulations that come with pretending to be human. Wanting to be human.

[somewhat-insane]

Idk if you’re doing requests right now (or at all), but could you maybe write a MK x male! siren! Reader? Like, MK just found out that his new friend is a siren? Can be head cannons or one shot, I don’t mind either way.

Not forced ofc, just thought it’d be fun to see! Have a good day/night :3

Sorry this is so late! In general requests are always open since there aren't that many people requesting anyway, but I might take a bit to get to things. I promise it's not that I forgot! I just tend to pick up and drop things at random times. I digress. I decided to do a oneshot because I haven't done as many of those and I want more practice doing them. I also didn't know what version of a siren you wanted soooooo I may or may not have spent time researching various sirens only to kind of do my own interpretation anyway. (I ended up choosing to do the more aquatic siren that would work kind of like the sea monsters in Luca instead of the bird sirens from Greek Mythology. If you want me to do another oneshot with the bird version, I might.) Regardless, I hope you enjoy and have a good day/night too! (P.S. I stole the title of this from a movie-)

~Song of the Sea~

Tags: MK x Male!Siren!Reader, oneshot

Warnings: Mention of sirens eating humans but no details

The sea is a dangerous thing. Essential to life yet destructive in nature. Many have disappeared into the salty depths. But the power held within the waves is not the only thing to fear, that much MK knew. 

Growing up, he heard many stories of monsters that lurked in the watery abyss and would drag their unsuspecting victims deep into the water where the pressure alone was enough to crush your skull. The cautionary tales did their job well.

Too well, perhaps.

These stories, despite being told with good intent, created such a fear in the young boy that he never actually learned how to swim.

Even as he grew out of his fear, he was too busy to take time to learn.

He used to joke that it was just one more thing he had in common with his mentor.

It seemed a lot less funny now, as he sunk deeper.

One moment he was training on his cloud and the next…

Well… The water had rushed around him before he knew it, muffling the sound and filling his mouth with the taste of salt as he sucked in a startled gasp. 

Everything was blurry and green and his eyes stung. Just before he could close them though, he saw a strange glimmer in the water, as though the warped image of the sky tore away into crystal-like scales that swam just out of his peripheral vision. Before he could consider it further, he felt strong arms around him and he was being tugged back up to land. 

His back hit the sand and he sputtered and coughed, turning over to heave the saltwater out of his lungs, grimacing as it stung his throat and coated his taste buds. Once he was able to blink away the sting in his eyes and his vision cleared, he looked up, ready to thank his savior, only to freeze at the familiar—albeit scalier than he remembered—face staring back at him, concern etched in the man’s familiar incredibly handsome eyes.

“You-?” MK wheezed, sitting up to get a better look at the man and confirm what he was seeing wasn’t just some trick of the light.

“Surprise…?”

///

MK was used to having unusual friends.

Even before he knew he was some weird monkey demon, he wasn’t unfamiliar with the various demons that resided in Megapolis.

Which is probably why he didn’t think anything of it when he met someone new on the Flower Fruit Mountain beach a few months ago.

If he had been thinking about it at the time, he probably would’ve realized that most regular humans or demons aren’t able to pass the flaming mountains safely without some kind of magical assistance, though his mentor had mentioned creatures that lived in the water surrounding the mountain.

“Skittish things, they are,” Wukong had grunted in response to MK asking about a scroll he found while sifting through the remaining treasures in the cave. (He had initially been hesitant to touch it, remembering the last scroll incident in that same area.) The scroll depicted half-human-half-bird creatures in the skies and half-human-half-fish creatures in the water, “incredibly intelligent though. Not unlike Huli Jing. Tricksters. Though it’s mostly just so they have easier access to prey, they don’t seem like the type of creatures to screw with people just for fun.”

Wukong had continued on to explain that he let them stay because they pass through an underwater cave under the flaming mountains and lure poachers astray before eating them, which is a load taken off his shoulders. (He grumbled something else about wishing they would clean up the remains so skulls would stop washing up on his beach and nearly give him a panic attack.)

MK wasn’t thinking about any of this though when he had seen a strange man sitting upon a plant covered rock, looking out at the water with a thoughtful—if not entirely forlorn—expression.

To be fair, he was a bit… distracted by the man’s handsomeness; the way the setting sun cast beautiful hues over his distant expression.

And, of course, MK was definitely very elegant in his introduction and he definitely didn’t fall face first into the sand which made the man, who was originally alarmed by MK’s sudden appearance, laugh. The jovial sound made MK smile against the ground.

///

“So… this entire time…?” Mk starts, looking at you with wide eyes while taking a sip from the warm cup of tea you made for him. He wasn’t sure where you got the tea kettle and mug but he supposed it didn’t really matter all that much.

“Mhm,” you hum in confirmation, your scales slowly retreating as the fire dried the water off of you. The sun had fully set a few minutes ago, the stars now glistening above as you sat across from MK, the campfire blazing between you and obstructing your view of each other. You could tell this made MK anxious as he couldn’t read your expression, but you didn’t really want to read his, scared that he would be mad you hid this big part of yourself.

“Cool,” MK responded casually, taking another sip of tea before asking, “and you didn’t tell me because…?”

“Didn’t seem important,” you shrugged, averting your eyes from the fire to watch the way the moon’s reflection rippled on the surface of the ever-shifting water.

MK huffed a soft laugh at that, “I’m pretty sure species is at least one of the top five things you find out about a new friend within like... the first week.”

You rolled your eyes with an amused smirk, hiding it by taking a sip of your own tea despite the flame between you ensuring he wouldn't see it anyway, “says the guy who didn’t even know he was a monkey until he was twenty-something.”

You tensed up when instead of laughter his reaction was to unexpectedly stand up and walk over to your side of the fire. For a moment you feared you had upset him but then you saw the fond glint in his eyes as he settled beside you. You relaxed. Only slightly.

“Fair,” MK said, taking a sip of tea as he stared into the flames with a contemplative expression. After a moment of silence you said, “I… didn’t know how you would react.”

“Hm?” MK raised a brow.

“To learning I was a siren… I’m not sure how sirens that live closer to the mainland act, but I imagine we’re definitely more… traditional than them. Our only interactions with humans have either been us being hunted by them or us killing them,” you were quiet for a moment, leaning back on your hands before adding with a slightly sheepish grin, “I probably would’ve eventually tried to lure you to the others for a feast if you hadn’t spilled your entire life story within seconds of meeting me and told me you were a monkey demon. The Monkey King’s successor, no-less.”

“Eh,” MK chuckled with a shrug, “I’d probably have been able to escape, I’m used to fighting demons.”

“Oh, sure, you definitely wouldn’t be able to be seduced into the water mr. ‘tripped in the sand because distracted by a hot man,’” you tease, earning a scoff and a playful shove.

“Shut upppp. You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“Nope~”

MK rolled his eyes fondly before resting his head on your shoulder. You tensed for a moment before sighing and wrapping an arm around him.

Sirens; enchanting beings whose beauty and song lure unsuspecting sailors to their doom. These creatures utilized the mortal nature of curiosity and the allure that accompanies danger and the unknown. Whether they offer you knowledge or intimacy, they seem to know exactly how to weave their songs into traps for their unsuspecting prey.

Meetings with such creatures, however, don’t always lead to an untimely and sometimes poetically ironic demise, MK's learned.

Sometimes they lead to something even better than what is promised.

~

Thank you for reading!! I'm sorry if this was boring, I still haven't really figured out how to write anything interesting- I tried though! Constructive criticism is allowed!

[onceuponastory]

into the deep - bucky barnes x reader

Plot: There’s something hiding under the sea in the cove that Y/N visits. Something that knows her name. Pairing: Siren!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: 18+ Please, this is a dark fic! Implied drowning/death, kidnapping, blood, violence and wounds, manipulation and dubcon, specifically kissing. Also mentions of Y/N seeing things that aren’t there or at least, she thinks they aren’t there. Again, if you have a fear of the sea, this is not the story for you! As always, if I miss any triggers please let me know! Notes: Wow, another water based fic from me? Shocking, I know. Not beta’d, so any mistakes are my own.

One cold, moonlit night, Y/N sits on the sand, leaning back against a rock. The cool water laps around her legs as she sinks her toes into the sand. Looking out across the horizon, the silvery moonlight shining down on the water, Y/N sighs happily. She loves coming to this cove. She can take some time to herself to collect her thoughts here. It’s her own special place, hidden away from humanity, and the villagers who exclude her, despite her attempts to fit in. Nobody here understands her. But at the cove, she can be herself, with nobody here to judge her. She can’t believe people say it’s cursed, and that there’s something dangerous here, ready to snatch away anyone who strays too far or who dives too deep. As far as Y/N’s concerned, they’re just fairy stories, cautionary tales told by parents to keep their children away from the water. There’s nothing dangerous about this place. Not when it’s so beautiful, and when it provides her with a place to relax when it all gets too much. As the hours pass, Y/N sits there in peace, listening to the rhythmic lapping of the water against her legs, and against the rocks beside her. 

And then she hears something. The noise is so quiet, she has to take a moment to adjust. At first, she thinks it’s just the wind, her tired mind playing tricks on her and making her hear things that aren’t there. But then she hears it again. It’s faint, but there’s definitely a whisper in the wind. “Hello? Is there someone there?” She looks around, but there is nobody to be seen. Y/N chuckles. It’s definitely her brain playing tricks on her. And that means it’s time for her to go home. Yet, as she stands up and collects her things, she hears the whisper again. 

“Y/N….” the noise causes the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up, and a chill runs down her spine. This time, it’s not caused by the chilly sea breeze. “Y/N….”

“It’s just my imagination.” She murmurs, hurriedly wrapping her sweater closer around her body. “Now it’s definitely time to go home.” 

Yet as she turns and begins the walk home, she can’t help but hear the whisper once more, and notice how the water seems to ripple differently…almost as if something is under there. Something that’s watching her.

Since that night, Y/N has been unable to get the cove out of her mind. Every night, she dreams of its silvery water, and whatever is lurking beneath it. Whatever it is, it knows her name.

“Y/N….” The voice still haunts her every waking moment, tempting her back and making goosebumps appear on every inch of her skin. And this time, it has a new message for her. “Come back…Come back….” The longer she stays away, the louder and more frequent the voice seems to be. She has no idea who it belongs to. All she knows is that it sounds like a male voice. When it speaks, she even feels an icy touch on her skin. And she recognises the chillness of the touch right away. It’s as cold as the water in the cove was as it lapped against her feet and between her toes. So cold that it’s as if someone or something in the water is touching her. That thought makes her even more afraid. 

Y/N tries to block out the voice as much as she can, convincing herself it’s just her vivid imagination working overtime, but each time she does, the voice reappears, each time stronger and more seductive. Almost like it’s taunting her, pulling her closer and closer until she does as it asks. But she won’t let it get to her. Even though it’s driving her crazy.

One day, she makes a trip to her local library, and spends the day combing through thick, leather bound books, searching for any evidence of a creature who could do something like this. A rational, scientific explanation. Yet, there’s still a thought in the back of her mind. The one telling her that perhaps the curse everyone talks about is real after all, and has her in its grasp. When her search turns up nothing, she’s relieved. After all this time, it is just her imagination. It’s not real. She’s not going crazy.

But as she leaves, she hears the whisper in the wind again. And once more, it’s calling her name.

A few nights later, Y/N climbs into bed, ready for another night filled with dreams of the sea. At least now she knows what’s causing it. She wraps her blanket around her body, just in case any more imaginary icy sea breezes wake her up. Yet for once, her room is eerily quiet. Perhaps her imaginary tormentor has finally chosen to leave her alone. Laying down, she closes her eyes, hoping the lack of wind or voice means she’s in for a night of interrupted sleep. Yet, just before she falls asleep,

“Y/N….” Echoes through her ears again. Y/N’s stomach sinks. Or maybe she won’t have a good night’s sleep after all. “Come back….”

“You’re not real. You’re just my imagination.” She whispers, keeping her eyes closed, hoping that with enough challenge, the voice will stop.

“I am real. Come and see for yourself.” The words make her eyes fly open, and she quickly sits up in bed.

“What?” she gasps. It’s never said that to her before. Yet, there is no reply. “Come on, speak!” She demands, calling into the darkness of her room. Despite her demands, the room is silent. Y/N’s stomach churns, and she angrily grips the blanket. “Answer me!” She demands the voice to reply again and again, and still there is nothing. “Right.” she hisses, throwing the blanket off of her. “This stops now.”

Y/N returns to the cove in seemingly no time at all. Almost as if pulled there by some imaginary force. Angrily, she walks around, her toes sinking into the sand once more. She has no idea what she’s expecting to find there. She just wants the voice to stop. Yet, there is nothing to be found, and aside from the familiar sound of waves crashing against the rocks, there is nothing but silence. “What is it? I’m here. What do you want?” She asks, calling out into the darkness. Nothing answers, and she sighs. “I’m talking to an imaginary person. I’m going fucking insane. Fuck this.” 

Yet, as she turns to leave, the voice sounds again, this time louder than ever before.

“Y/N…I’m here. Come find me.” As if in a trance, Y/N turns back around and begins walking in the voice’s direction as it beckons her closer. She registers the feel of the water lapping against her feet, and the feeling of her feet being cut by the rocks surrounding her, yet she doesn’t react to them. She doesn’t even notice how she’s being led further and further away from her village, from safety, and closer and closer to a secluded part of the cove, one barely explored. All she’s focused on is the voice. As it speaks, she still feels a chill, but this time it’s different. This time, the chill fills her entire body. And she likes it. It’s intoxicating. 

And then, suddenly, it’s over. But before Y/N is freed from her trance, the sound of singing starts. The most beautiful singing that Y/N has ever heard. And it’s drawing her even closer to the water’s edge. Slowly, the water begins to ripple. Almost as if whatever’s hiding beneath is ready to come out. The water ripples once more, and soon a head pops out of the water. Y/N opens her mouth in shock, but no noise comes out. She’s purely transfixed by the sight in front of her. A pair of icy blue eyes, the same colour as the water, stare back at her. As the man emerges from the surface, droplets of water fall from the ends of his long brunette hair, dripping into the water. He runs a hand through his hair, his toned chest and muscular arms on full display. Immediately, Y/N’s breath hitches in shock.

Fuck, this man is attractive. Is he really the one who’s been calling to her all this time? Does he want her?

“Hello Y/N.” The man speaks. Right away, she has her answer. The voice is a perfect match. Yet, now he’s actually in front of her, she picks up on the huskiness present in it. And it makes her go weak in the knees. “I’ve been calling you for a long time. I’m glad you’ve finally made it.” When she doesn’t reply, he chuckles. “Speechless, are you? I understand. It must be quite a shock to see someone like me.” She nods, and he smiles. Despite the chilly air, seeing the man smile makes Y/N feel warm. “Come, sit.” He beckons, his voice alluring, like a sweet melody. Instantly, Y/N does as he asks, not even caring about the wet sand and water ruining her pyjamas…or that she’s in her pyjamas in front of someone as good looking as him. All she’s focused on is the man in front of her.

“Who are you? Why have you been calling me?” She asks.

“I’m Bucky.” He props himself up, leaning in closer. So close she can feel his breath on her cheek, enough to make her shiver. “And you’re someone who’s very important to me, Y/N.” Just then, Y/N notices his shimmery gills reflecting in the moonlight. She gasps, her eyes glancing down. Half of a silvery tail emerges from the water. He’s a merman, like something out of a fantasy book. “No, no…shhh. Don’t be scared.” Bucky whispers, grasping her chin and turning her head back to him. “I know about you, and how you come here when you need to get away from it all. They’re so mean to you, aren’t they Y/N? They don’t understand you, do they? Nobody does. But I do.” His whisper is cold against her cheek, and she nods. Right away, she’s back under his spell again, ready to do whatever he asks. “I need you. We need you.” His icy blue eyes focus on her, and he smiles. “I’ve been looking for you for a long time. Someone to rule with me in my kingdom. My princess.” He kisses her then, deep and hungry. Y/N moans, and Bucky chuckles. “That’s it, good girl.”

Gently, he lays her down on the sand, climbing on top of her. Y/N can feel the wet sand soaking her hair and back, but she’s too consumed by Bucky to even care. “You’re so perfect.” He peppers kisses along her cheeks and jawline, the coolness of his scales pressing against her skin. “Stay with me. Forever.” That pulls her out of her trance, and she gasps.

“No.” she murmurs as Bucky continues to kiss her. “Not forever. I have a life here.” 

“But they don’t love you, my darling. Not like I do.” Suddenly, he kisses the sweet spot on her neck, and she moans. In an instant, she’s his once more. Although she’s not ready for a life under the waves, she could definitely get used to being kissed by a merman, having him as her true love, her own little secret.

“There it is.” He smirks. Bucky removes his lips from her jaw. Y/N lays there, eyes closed and waiting for his next move. “Now. It’s time for you to join me.” 

And then, something slices her cheek. Quickly, Y/N opens her eyes. Two rows of razor-sharp teeth stare down at her, open and ready to bite again. Y/N screams. He’s not her true love, he’s a monster. And he’s going to kill her. Immediately, the spell Bucky has on her is broken, and she knows she has to get away as soon as possible. She scrambles up, trying to crawl away. “Oh no, I don’t think so.” Something cold and scaly grabs her ankle. Y/N kicks back, hoping to strike Bucky, yet he dodges each one. “Stop fighting me. Come, be with me.” She knows he’s trying to cast his spell on her again, and she knows part of her is falling for it, but she has to resist it. 

As Bucky drags her back towards the sea, Y/N tries to grab anything she can to brace herself. She grabs a rock, hoping it’s big enough and buried deep enough for her to hold on. Unfortunately, she continues to slip back.

“No, no, please….” She whimpers. In a last-ditch attempt to survive, she digs her fingers into the soft sand, trying to pull herself to survival. 

“Why did you have to fight? This is only going to make things worse for you.” Bucky sighs. And with one last pull on her leg, Y/N is yanked backwards, back towards the sea. She screams for help, but nobody comes. Bucky wraps his muscular arms around her, pulling her close. He presses her body against hers, despite how she thrashes against his grasp, kicking the water up and around them. “Don’t worry.” He grins, baring his fangs once more. “You’ll stay with me. Forever.” As he pulls her under the sea, he sinks his teeth into her once more.

Another scream fills the air, blood fills the sea…and then the waves are still once more.

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[shipcestuous]

How do yall deal with hate comments left on fics (especially your inc*st fics)??

I got a lot of them recently on ao3. I have comment moderation enabled, so they don’t automatically get posted. I deleted them all. I try not to fully read them. Once I read enough of a comment to understand it’s someone hating on my fic, I delete. It’s just jarring that I got so many at once. Maybe someone shared my fic? I’ve frankly read much spicier or even non-con fics, and mine only depicts entirely consensual stuff.

I understand hate comments happen to all fandoms. I think some self-appointed fandom police think they have control over fic writers, so they lash out in the way they know (often anonymously). I’ve only ever left positive comments on other people’s fics, and it takes a lot for me to want to comment. If I don’t like someone’s fic (reading tags helps filter out what I won’t like), being an ass in the comments is the last thing I’d do. Why do that when you can just close the page and move on?

I do suspect a lot of it is moral purity posturing. I know for a fact people have been writing and talking about inc*st since time immemorial. Heck, it’s in my native culture’s mythology and not always as a cautionary tale. Fans of modern series like GoT and HoTD aren’t clutching pearls over brother/sister, uncle/niece, or cousin pairings. They’re bloody shipping it en masse.

Anyways! You’re a lovely person. I hope this blog doesn’t get anon hate. I’d probably never send messages off anon because I’m super shy. I also won’t quit writing my fics. ❤️

My poor Anon, I'm so sorry that this has happened to you!

I also can't understand why anyone would leave negative comments on someone's fic. If you don't like it, move on. It's simple.

I also wonder if your fic might have gotten shared in a community that for some reason had a disproportionate number of vocal antis. Or maybe it's the nature of the fandom you're writing for.

In general, I think the moral purity posturing you talk about doesn't happen too much on AO3.

Speaking from my personal experience, I have 30 works posted to my AO3 account, all except for 2 are non-canon ships I think, and many are for family-friendly movies and kids shows, and I don't think I have ever received a comment that criticized the fact that I was writing romantic incest. And I've never received a comment on that platform that I would characterize as hate.

I just wonder how you've had the worst luck about this. I'm so sorry!

Good for you for moderating. I think you can only keep doing what you're already doing, only read enough to see that it's negative, and then delete it. Don't read the rest of it. If you have a friend who knows about your incest writing/shipping, maybe they could moderate for you. Make sure your fics are tagged appropriately so that they can be filtered but I'm sure they probably already were. Unfortunately, I don't have any other advice.

But as always with antis, just remember that the best way to fight hate is to enjoy yourself and to continue to produce content, and that if they're attacking your fic, they're obviously in the wrong, which totally invalidates everything in their message. I don't know what their problem is, but they do have a problem. And it shouldn't be your problem, too. So you just got to let it slide right off and instantly forget it.

But I'm so glad you plan to keep writing!

[stylecouncil]

one thing I really really love about pressure machine is that so many esp modern writing about the working class almost tries to venerate or up lift, romanticize, which don’t get me wrong there’s a little bit, there’s obviously an appreciation for the dirt under your fingernails etc etc but the veneration somehow ends up feeling lacking, or in some cases even reactionary when you look at the state of 2000s - 2010s -2020s country etc etc, like cleaned up saccharine repetition of bootstrap ideology or some hollow call to the idea of god without any theological depth or nuance or actual exploration of why religion is so rooted in the dna of so many small towns (literally see: gods own country) they just aren’t dark enough, aren’t encompassing of the messy reality, they’re watered down, they’re not real. this album almost feels anti reactionary, it almost feels like it’s directly addressing the modern state of this kind of storytelling (and the album had several places where it seems to play with this idea/directly address it). it’s not an agenda pushing hollow toothless canonization of the working class man it’s a kind of conflicted condemnation of the world/mankind/system that created these wheels of suffering and an attempt to try to grapple with a god and such a profound belief in a god amongst all the suffering. pressure machine starts with a tale of someone who threw his whole life away on a possession charge, he’s not a bad guy, he’s not even really a cautionary tale, he’s just a reality. the albums protagonists aren’t perfect upstanding versions of the working family man. his actions don’t match up with his ideology ��if there really is judgement, when he pulls my chart, he’ll reject my actions, but he will know my heart! he’ll prepare a place for me where happiness instills, where the light puts its living hands on my head (a reference to he earlier vignette of him playing as child). they got me for possession of enough to kill the horses that run free in the west hills. free in the west hills” immediately we cut into quiet town a song that’s chorus COULD ALMOST double as a song like you would hear on modern country radio (I think this is totally intentional) for example but almost every verse is a jumbled mess of children being hit by trains and parents burying their children dying of heroin overdoses (somebody’s been keeping secrets in this quiet town) so you get this thrilling little juxtaposition that you think is maybe resolved by the end of song, maybe we’ll give way to some celebration, until, no, the last thing mentioned is the train again. gods kingdom, gods country, isn’t a good place to be, it’s a pressure machine. that’s just the practical reality. so many characters aren’t reaching to god because they even know all that much about what they’ve been taught or because they even feel it’s relational or even aligns with their actions, it’s all they have. it’s a an aching of there’s got to be something else, something better, all this suffering has to mean something. (“we keep on waiting for the miracle to come” and well it never does) the album doesn’t even seem necessarily sure if it does or if it really is just about getting through and about how hope is sometimes all that can you there (the getting by), it seems at the same time completely combined and also steeped in doubt, just like the characters it portrays, just like cut up pieces of the real diner interviews from people in the town that it places between most songs (absolutely in love with this choice which if done wrong could have felt like a chore or out place but is somehow perfect). It just feels perfectly constructed. I don’t even know where I’m going with this it’s just been a long time since I’ve been that impressed with an album.

[sepublic]

Arkley’s Alumni

            For years I’ve toyed with the idea of Arkley’s Alumni, kids who successfully grew up and graduated from that hellish academy, becoming fully-trained agents and assassins for the Arkley Gang. And while I struggled on how to make this work regarding the timeline and other logistical questions… I think I have a compromise!

         There’s a first and second generation of students. The first generation was pulled together some years ago, I dunno the exact number. Arkley gathered a bunch of kids, mostly orphans, within a certain age range; Not too far apart, but with some flexibility to work with, because he couldn’t always be a chooser. His teachers raise and train these kids up to adulthood, where they officially graduate. As gifts, Arkley bestows as many as possible something strange from his collection, or some weird experiment Draik and Arakchos devised; Anything to add to the armaments of these kids and make them stand out from regular humans.

         These Alumni are granted automatic positions of command and authority in the Arkley Gang, as Arkley’s beloved children. Regular members of the Terror Triad aren’t sure how to feel about this, but they have no say in it regardless and have to live with it. The project proves a relative success, and vindicated by the results, Arkley allows maybe a few years before he begins work on raising the next generation.

         This second generation is the one whom Lloyd, Breda, Lycan, Gene, etc., all belong to. They’ve got big shoes to fill, considering how the first generation of Alumni turned out. I think there’s a lot of potential for fun dynamics here; Like, how do the Alumni feel about this second generation, and vice-versa? Do some students admire the Alumni? Do some Alumni feel a camaraderie, a sense of kinship with this new generation?

         Do some of them have mixed feelings, object to more of them being created, put through the grinder? Or do they feel bitterly entitled to see the second generation suffer at least as much as they did? It’s a generational mirror to explore; Every Alumnus is an example to our protagonists of the kind of person they’re probably gonna end up as, if things go Arkley’s way. And do they want to end up like that? Are these Alumni something to strive towards, or a cautionary tale instead?

         Plus, there’s the personal stories of each Alumnus, the transition from being a student to a full-time enforcer and agent for Arkley. How do they respond to their authority over members of the Terror Triad? Do their subordinates accuse them of nepotism, or argue that since these Alumni trained and studied their whole life for this, it’s only fair? What is the relationship like between an Alumnus and a regular Triad recruit, who has a skewed idea of what life in the outside world is like; And how do the Triad members interact with these kids they’ve watched grow up and seen so many glimpses of?

         Having tasted the power and life that Arkley trained them for, how many Alumni decided it was worth it, and how many only resent Arkley even more, now able to definitively declare it was for nothing? Is there any twisted gratitude, lingering anger; What exactly IS the dreaded result of this whole process, what do you end up like, what impact can we see emerge from years of conditioning?

         It’s a lot to look forward to. A second generation in the shadow of the first, with a noticeable divide in age. Some of whom could act as mentors, twisted or otherwise, to these kids. Maybe one of the teachers IS an Alumnus! I’m still figuring out the timelines and ages for the teachers admittedly, and I’m not sure if it’s feasible for Trexdis to have taught the first generation, which raises the question of who was the English teacher before her? What happened to them?

         I might change up the age and timeline for Trexdis, add some more years, since I like the idea of a few Alumni who fondly remember their lessons under her, and feel a sense of loyalty and gratitude as a result; So when Trexdis defects and needs allies, a few of these Alumni call upon their old experiences and decide, you know what, I’ll follow you to Hell and back. I think there’s a very sweet tale there, even if these kids were basically kidnapped; But then again, they have the choice between Trexdis, who chose to show kindness, or the Arkley Gang as a whole. So they mean it when they decide.

         (That, or Trex never taught any of the Alumni and only joined after graduation; But a few did serve under her command on some missions, and that’s how they built trust together.)

         Which, having said that; I really should go into the ages and timeline for the Arkley Gang, for the faculty, alumni, and students. That’s something I never really got around to, so I should get started. On another note, I guess Nick Dragomir Kajumon might be an Alumnus, then…? That’s surreal; Imagine him being made during the tenure of the first generation, and then Arkley went F it and threw Nick in with the rest of these kids. Just this giant, hulking behemoth of armor and metal, who hasn’t aged at all since he was made. Imagine Nick hanging out with (mostly) human kids as they grow up and he doesn’t, at least physically; Developmentally, mentally, I imagine Nick progressed quite a bit. How did he stick out like a sore thumb, then and now?

[soonsluv]

fever

pairing: sub!mingyu x dom!gn!reader

contains: a cautionary tale for public play but no one gets caught, use of a vibrating butt plug, fingering (giving), handjob(giving)

a/n: uhhhhh,,, was very much inspired by this nsfw vid. the ending is unnecessarily corny but i thought it was fitting for mingyu lol

“do you have a fever or something, mingyu?”

mingyu, not being the sharpest tool in the shed, thought it was a good idea to play around while having drinks with friends which resulted in his body randomly jolting whenever the vibrating buttplug shoved in his hole would press into him in just the right ways, his pupils being diluted, hair sticking to his face and his cheeks being as red as ever.

anyone with a decent view of him could easily come to that conclusion. over the course of the long and torturing thirty minutes you had spent at this café, you noticed how his expression went from “i’m slightly uncomfortable” to ”i’m contemplating whether keeping my dignity and not creaming my pants in front of my friends is really better than just letting go” and after hearing yet another terribly played-off-as-a-sigh whimper, you decided that it was enough for today.

“actually, he did have a headache earlier today so i think we’re gonna go home guys,” you say as you firmly plant your hands on the table to get everyone’s attention.

“a headache? this doesn’t really look like-“

“he just needs some rest really, it was good seeing you guys! ready to go, gyu?”

he doesn’t really trust his voice for the time being so he just nods, then carefully stands up and waves his friends goodbye with a horribly forced smile. you make your way towards the exit as he follows not too far behind.

when you finally get to your car, he loses all composure. he starts to feverishly hump his seat as his head lolls back while awkward moans flow past his plump lips. his hands are harshly grabbing the sides of his seat and you wonder why he isn’t just jerking himself off since no one would see anyway and it’d be way faster than… whatever he’s doing. you figure that he wants to finish this properly, in a more private setting because otherwise, this would be a masochist way to try and make himself cum. you’d be lying if you said you weren’t enjoying the view though. he notices and if it was possible, an even deeper shade of red would adorn his face.

“do you want to go to my house or your dorms?” you ask after finally being able to look away from the salacious scene playing before you and starting the car.

“the dorms- ah fuck,” he takes a deep breath before trying again, “it’s empty, t-the guys aren’t there.”

“do you want me to turn it off?”

“no!” he half-screams, turning to look at you with a panicked expression.

you refrain from laughing at his pathetic state, though you feel the corners of your lips ever so slightly turn.

“alright, boss. just make sure you don’t ruin your pants before we get there.”

after a 20 minute drive that felt like an eternity to the both of you, you finally arrive at the dorms.

he practically jumps on you the second you shut the door of his room behind you, harshly pressing his lips against yours to provoke you to do something. anything.

your hands immediately get to work and you start to unbutton his dress shirt as he begins to leave kisses along your jaw and neck. when he’s shirtless, you push him back until he falls onto his bed.

he lays there, lips slightly parted, eyes fixed on you as he waits for your next move.

you unbutton his jeans, start to pull them off along with his boxers and he lifts his hips up to help you. when he’s left naked, you straddle his thighs.

“aw, my poor baby. it hurts, doesn’t it?” you jab, softly pressing your hand against his bare cock that had been leaking for a while now.

he can only whine in affirmation as he rolls his hips up against your hand and you honestly can’t blame him considering how hard he is.

“let’s check the situation down there, shall we?”

you change positions so his legs are placed over yours, elevating his hips and making the view on his plugged up hole clearer.

the vibrating toy was on its lowest setting, which it had to be or else he would’ve caused a scene in front of your friends.

“i’m gonna remove it, alright?” you glance at him to make sure he’s still with you and remove the device after he gives you green light by nodding.

once removed, you turn off the sex toy, put it aside and watch how his swollen hole flutters due to its new found emptiness.

“would you look at that, i should probably take care of this problem of yours,” you chuckle as you reach for the drawer of his nightstand to get some lube.

“please!” he doesn’t really know why he’s begging when he knows you’re going to give him what he wants, force of habit perhaps?

after lubing up two of your fingers, you slowly insert them as he had already been stretched out thanks to the buttplug and directly go for his sweet spot you knew all too well since the poor boy had waited long enough.

that results in him violently arching his back as a broken moan rips from his throat.

“ah fuck, yes!”

you plant your other hand on his hip to try and keep him still as you rapidly pump your fingers in and out of him. moans and sighs of content leave his lips as he fucks back on your fingers despite your miserable attempts to keep him from moving too much.

“you’re not making this easy for me mingyu,” you huff but get no response from him as he is probably too far gone by now.

the repeated movements of his hips drew attention to his cock though. his angry red, leaking cock bouncing with each jerk of his hips that hadn’t been touched since this all started. and by the way precum kept dribbling down his member, you most definitely didn’t need extra lube to touch him there. so you went for it.

this made mingyu’s eyes snap open to meet yours as he obscenely starts to fuck your hand.

“oh wow, not wasting time, are we?” you laugh as he was practically doing all the work by somehow fucking himself onto your fingers while simultaneously fucking your hand, which made you wonder if he had been masturbating lately.

“oh please y/n, i’m so close,” he desperately cries out, making you realise that he had been waiting for your permission ever since the café.

“you’re close, huh?” you ask, wondering how long you could make this last before he reached his limit and came.

he whimpers like a beaten puppy while aggressively nodding his head and that’s when you unmistakably hear the front door open as lively chatter starts to fill up the room outside.

mingyu’s movements falter while yours completely come to a stop and your head snaps to look at the unlocked door of the bedroom and back to mingyu that didn’t look as terrified as he should be.

“fuck, they’re back. if you want to stop, you know the word, baby.”

“please, please, please.”

oh.

his voice was high pitched and not as quiet as it should be. his eyes were begging you. begging you to keep going and not leave him all bothered like this. begging you to stop so he wouldn’t embarrass himself. begging you to make that decision for him.

you didn’t really care about being caught to be honest, you wanted to stop for mingyu’s sake but considering how he went right back to desperately fucking your hands, you doubt he’d like that very much.

“ok listen up, i’m gonna make you cum but you need to promise that you’ll be quiet.”

he firmly positions both of his hands over his mouth at your words to signal you that he’ll uphold his part of the deal and that it was now up to you.

you cautiously start moving your hands again, prodding at his prostate while your other hand massages the tip of his cock, making him bury his head into his pillow. what a cutie.

you can hear his hushed whimpers through his hands but you can also see how, if it weren’t for the guys in the living room, he’d be moaning loudly about how good you were making him feel. his eyes are shut tight and the tips of his ears are the same shade as his cheeks. poor baby, he’s struggling so hard.

you continue the abuse of his sensitive parts and it doesn’t take long before he cums with trembling thighs and violent body shocks. his eyes roll so far back, you fear he’s going to pass out. cum is spurting all over his well-defined abs that had also accumulated a layer of sweat thanks to all of his… hard work. you give his cock a last few good tugs before carefully removing your hands from his body.

he’s panting harshly but is blissed out nonetheless, making you wonder how the hell he’ll be able to walk out of this room without the others catching onto what had happened.

“thank you.” it’s weak but you hear it nevertheless and if you were honest, you were a bit envious of his euphoric state as you felt your now damp underwear stick to your core.

“think you got a second round in you?”

this makes him giggle and jokingly pinch your thigh.

“for you? always.”

[ktinastrikesback]

Alright, here it is: The meta post about Eddie Diaz and mother figures and how it all leads to Buddie (I think). Thanks to @yramesoruniverse for your help with this, and @kitkatpancakestack and @evanbucklies for inspiring it! I really have been thinking about this nonstop and had to get it all down. This got quite long, so I'll include a cut in order to spare everyone who doesn't want to continue reading!

We first get an idea of Eddie's complicated thoughts surrounding mother figures throughout his whole storyline with Shannon in season 2 when he romantically reconnects with her for Christopher's benefit. I do want to keep the focus here trained on Eddie in season 4, but I want to point out a season 2 line that is pretty fitting. As much as I don't want to use a Shannon quote as a starting point for a meta, I think this one is actually pretty useful: "...Eddie always knows what's best for everyone...God forbid you stop for a second and actually ask them what they need." While it's harsh and spoken out of spite, Shannon does make a point here which becomes relevant at the end of season 4.

We don't know a whole lot about season 4 Eddie (thanks writers) aside from the fact that he's working on being a single father (he tells Marjan in the crossover that he's "doing the whole single dad thing") and being a support system for Buck and the rest of the 118. Eddie's "arc" this season is moving on from Shannon and beginning to date again (a very small and limited arc, which hopefully season 5 will remedy). Of course, because it's Eddie, the core of this arc is him wanting what is best for Christopher. And it seems pretty clear that what Eddie thinks Chris needs is a complete family with a mother figure (note how he asks Bobby if he's "happy now, with Athena and the kids" and just assumes that Bobby is talking about Ana Flores), but the universe pushes against this idea throughout the whole season. There are a lot of examples in season 4 of unreliable mother figures (for example, the alcoholic mother who causes the wreck in Blindsided), but in order to save some space here, I'll list and discuss those in another post. The main thing I want to point out is that we've seen that mother figures aren't always perfect, and they aren't the end all be all that Eddie thinks. And canonically, the show suggests several times throughout the season that the partner that Eddie needs/wants and who is best for Chris is actually Buck.

In Breaking Point, while Eddie is on his date, it's Buck who is at home taking care of Christopher and getting him through his nighttime routine (which establishes that he knows the routine and has gotten Chris ready for bed before, hence the reference to his "cautionary tale"). On the date, when Ana says that no one has been in his life since Shannon passed away, Eddie noticeably looks uncomfortable (the will reveal makes this scene and that particular comment and Eddie's subsequent reaction so rich. Eddie knows that what Ana is saying is completely untrue, because the person he trusts most with his son is with him at that exact moment). Later, when Eddie tells Christopher about his new 'friend', he says "it's a woman." And...to be honest, what the hell was that? He could have said, "I'm dating someone" or "I have a girlfriend." But he says it like this? And it's weird...right? Christopher is the one who has to say "girlfriend." Also his tone of voice when he says it...it's suspicious to me. Anyways...Eddie talks with Ana about Christopher's reaction and her first instinct is to take a break and wait for Christopher to warm up to the idea so as to not cause him more pain. Meanwhile, Chris is out the door, in an Uber, and on his way to Buck, the person who actually gets Chris to talk about his feelings and who fixes the whole mess. So while Eddie is talking with Ana, Buck is playing a parental role AND promising Chris he isn't going anywhere, completely juxtaposing everything Ana has said and done in this episode (throwback to Fools, anyone?). Just like we see in 4x14, the perfect partner that Eddie is looking for is already putting in the work, no questions asked (and this is all before Buck knows about the will!). Yet Eddie is still trying to force it with Ana.

We see this again very briefly in Parenthood. Eddie and Buck are seen agreeing on parenting ideals on a call, similar to how we saw them work together in Future Tense to talk Chris out of playing video games. At the end of the episode however, when Chris asks to join the movie, Ana just jumps ahead and lets him in, not consulting with Eddie. Of course, this isn't a serious issue and Eddie is happy to have Chris join them, but it still carries on with juxtaposing Ana with Buck. It's also a bit interesting that Chris sits between them, parallel to the video game scene from season 3. But again, it's a very brief scene, so I don't know how much value it has overall.

We see all of this come to a head in 4x13 when Eddie becomes invested in the single mother and her son from the balcony call. Interestingly, this call happens after Eddie's conversation with Carla ("make sure you're following your heart"). On the call, Eddie flirts with the mom. This is interesting because we've seen many times in the past that Eddie...doesn't like flirting, especially on the job. Eddie openly flirting with the mom here may be his way of fighting against what his instincts are telling him Carla's comment was about (him liking Buck/a man). Eddie quickly becomes invested in Charlie (the son) and takes a liking to his mother because he relates to her. You can kind of see the gears working in Eddie's head when he's at their apartment...he's admiring her and perhaps maybe fantasizing about having a partner who gets it. And he sees a mother taking care of her son...reinforcing his love for the mother figure. But of course, we all learn by the end of the episode that this mother figure is extremely warped and not at all what her child needs.

The best part about this plot is the way it plays into the shooting scene at the end of the episode. Just before he gets shot, we see Eddie in an interesting framing choice (I am genuinely serious when I say that I want to sit down with Brenna Malloy and ask her about her directing choices for this whole scene):

The mother and son are placed into separate ambulances, and Eddie stands between the two vehicles. Visually, Eddie is literally placed between the mother figure and the son, and Buck is standing in front of him (at a slight distance). As (thank you to @kitkatpancakestack for pointing this out!) the ambulance with the mother drives away, Eddie says "shoulda gotten here sooner" to Buck (who replies, "That kid is just lucky he met you." He knows how to reassure Eddie and recognizes what is good for the child). Then of course, Eddie gets shot. But let's focus instead on why this framing before the shooting is important: the universe does scream, and it sure as hell was screaming at Eddie this whole episode. Carla calls him out for not following his heart, he idolizes this mother only for her to end up being horrid, then he gets shot with his partner standing right in front of him (you know, the same person who takes care of his son for the entirety of the next episode).

This can be read so plainly: Eddie has been fighting hard for what he thinks is best for his son, and he's stuck in this relationship with Ana because he thinks she is what will make Christopher happy. Meanwhile, Buck is in front of him and has been there the entire time putting in the work with Chris and making him feel heard, loved, and important. This ties right back to that Shannon line: if Eddie had simply asked Christopher what he needs/wants, it's very possible that his answer would be "Buck." Eddie doesn't need to be stuck in the middle of this relationship he doesn't care about because Chris' happiness is not dependent on having a mother figure.

Of course, we didn't see very much of Eddie in 4x14 so we don't really know what is going through his head regarding the shooting or Carla's comment just yet, but I'm hoping we see a lot of him working through all of the events that took place in 4x13/14 throughout next season. Because of the way the mother/son storyline ended up and the way they framed Eddie in the shooting scene, I'm willing to bet that he's going to be reevaluating just what Christopher needs and what he already has (with his Buck).

(Also side note--the welcome home party scene...when Buck is watching Eddie greet Christopher, notice the framing there too. The photo of Chris and Shannon is on the right side of the frame, Eddie and Chris in the middle, and Buck to the left. You already know what I'm going to say, so I'll leave it at that...)

Anyways. Edmundo Diaz is confused about what he and Christopher need, and it's actually a brilliant way to dive into a storyline about his sexuality and his feelings for Buck. Remember that post-finale interview with Tim where he said Eddie is always concerned with what's best for Christopher? That there will be a lot to explore with Eddie? I take everything Tim says with a grain of salt, but looking at all of this, there's quite a bit here pointing in the direction of pining Eddie. It's not wishful thinking, it's in the text.

I'm literally just applying basic film analysis to these scenes...and everything is adding up to a larger picture. I'm really excited to see what Eddie's arc in season 5 will be because there's so much set in place for it to be really great.

[yyxgin]

my only hate, my only love (kim seungmin)

pairing: kim seungmin x fem! reader genre: enemies to lovers au, highschool au             angst, fluff word count: 11 k requested by: @joons-asscrack​ warnings: swearing, mentions of broken home 

synopsis: A high school Shakespeare club angrily splits into two groups when they can’t agree on the correct interpretation of Romeo and Juliet. One group thinks it’s a cautionary tale about the stupidity of youth and shallow lust; the other group of youth thinks it’s a beautiful tragedy about poisonous hatred conquered by love. Reconciliation seems impossible-- then a person from one group falls in love with a person from the other. 

(this dea is not mine !! I found it on pinterest under the tumblr user @/sarah531, however, i looked for the account and couldn’t find it. if you have any idea what the current @ of the owner of this prompt is, please let me know !!)

I actually used a lot of passages from this essay of Romeo and Juliet since I didn’t actually read it, all passages of the characters that talk about the play and are in italics belong to the rightful owner of this essay.

1.

“A glooming peace this morning with it brings. The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head. Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things. Some shall be pardoned, and some punished. For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.” your voice resonates in the quiet classroom, your words followed by more silence as you drop to your seat and close the book, placing it onto your table. The reality sinks in as the entirety of your English literature class doesn’t dare to say a word, the moment you finish reading the oh so famous Shakespearen drama making everyone lose themselves in their thoughts.

Your professor looks you in the eye, smiling a little. “So? What did you think about it?” she asks, moving her glasses further up her nose with her pointer finger, gazing onto the few people that actually chose this class as their subject of choice just to get more credit. You liked reading, to be honest. Everything about this class seemed inviting-- there were only a few people there and those that did actually care about the literature itself enough were thoughtful enough to hold a proper conversation with. You actually made friends with a lot of your classmates, your brains working at the same frequency as your shared ex gifted child burnout syndrome draped over your brains way too often after arriving to high school, making you connect on another level as you tried to soothe each other’s nerves and be there for each other. It was no secret that only the biggest of nerds went to the English literature classes, but you were okay with that idea.

You snort out a laugh, raising up your eyebrows in amusement. Your classes were always open for discussions, so you didn’t even have to raise your hand to speak-- one of the perks of being the professor’s favorite. You open your mouth to begin talking, when a voice cuts you off, beginning the discussion instead.

“Well, I think it was pretty,” mumbles a boy from the corner of the room, the only one you didn’t even particularly like in this whole class, making you roll your eyes. It was hard, being in the class of your favorite professor when you had to fight over being her favorite student with Kim Seungmin himself-- the devoted dandy boy, the member of the book club, the student council president. You despised everything about him only from one sole reason-- he was the top of the class. That was enough for you to hate him. 

You’re asking why? Well, you were supposed to be the top of the class, of course. And you were, for the main part. You didn’t share any other classes with him, making it easy for you to ignore his existence, but it just so happened that your favorite class also had to be the one where you had to see his face so often.

He was your moral enemy.

“Care to tell us more, Seungmin?” professor Jung asks, motioning for your classmate to continue speaking, to tell her all of his thoughts. You knew Romeo and Juliet must have been her favorite play by the smile on her face, eager to hear all of your reviews and thought processes while reading the piece.

“Well, I think it was quite poetic. Tragic, even. I like the way Shakespeare portrayed the prejudice and ending of a long conflict just with the power of love.” he nods, licking his lips after his bold statement, making you laugh out loud this time. 

All the eyes of your classmates turn to you, even your seatmate-- ever so laid-back and chilled out Han Jisung furrows his brows at your sudden outburst. You were never the one to turn attention your way in classes, the sight of you not reddening under the gazes of the people in the room nowhere to be seen surprising even you.

“Is there something funny, Y/N?” asks the professor, calling you by your first name. You liked the way it sounded, cringing at every teacher that called you by your last name as if you were a legal adult with your life figured out. This seemed more friendly-- it seemed kinder, even. You liked the way it made it feel like your professor actually cared about your opinion.

“I think there is, yes,” you nod, giggling to yourself again. 

“And what is that?” she seems intrigued, taking a few steps to your desk, listening to what you have to say.

“Well, I think what he said is ridiculous.” you point out, a shock spreading on your professor’s features, making you continue. “The only thing tragic about this whole play is how Shakespere portrayed the fake image of love. I mean, Juliet was only 13, don’t you think it was a bit early to get married to a man? After a day, that is?” you explain, intriguing your classmates even more.

“It was the 16th century. It was normal to get married young back then,” mumbled your enemy, Kim Seungmin from his seat, locking his eyes with you through the classroom. 

“Of course I know that,” you ironically smile at him, rolling your eyes in the process and looking back at your professor with a genuine smile this time, explaining more of your point of view, “I think it portrays girls as boy-crazy. Like love is everything they are made of and that they are worthless without a partner-- and that’s why Juliet chose to kill herself. If anything, I think it portrays the stupidity of the youth the most.” 

“So you think she was stupid just because she killed herself upon seeing her loved one dead?” Seungmin’s brows are raised now, looking at you as if he was mocking you.

“Well, Romeo did the same thing, so yes. I think it was stupid of them. They were reckless, the whole situation was. How could they know they were in love when this all happened in one day? Nobody can fall in love that quickly.” you mutter, shaking your head in disbelief.

“I think the play portrayed love at first sight beautifully,” grins Seungmin, the teasing smirk on his face bothering you so much you want to wipe it off his face. Is he really that ridiculous?

“There’s no such thing. And what were the families doing, after all? Arguing without even knowing why? For all we know, their ancestors may have hated themselves because they accidentally took their cow and they decided to kill each other for that?” you scoffed, your voice raising increasingly.

“Now that’s ridiculous.” rolls his eyes Seungmin, taking you over the edge, your voice raising with every spoken word.

“Your view of love is ridiculous. If I knew the boy I was eyeing was my family’s enemy, I wouldn’t bat an eye before dropping him, but no, she chose to marry the guy. Did she really have such twisted morals?” you scoff, a part of your class laughing at your outburst.

You hear a few quiet, amused ‘yeah’s and ‘she’s actually right’s from everywhere around you, only flooding your ego more as you recognise that your point of view is shared by more people and you aren’t actually crazy. 

“I think love is more important than rivalry.” speaks Seungmin, cocking his head to a side, teasing you just by the look on his face, your eyes scanning his features as you hear a few other comments from your classmates around you. Some girls even go as far as cooing at his romantic statement, making you laugh and roll your eyes at them. Were they all this ridiculous? 

“She was thirteen!” you argue, screaming. That is all that takes professor Jung to interfere your heated discussion, clapping her hands in authority, making everyone’s heads snap to her figure standing in front of the classroom with an amused look on her face. 

“Looks like we have quite the discussion here,” she points out, seeing your angered face. 

“Yeah, because Seungmin’s point of view is stupid!” you grunt, making her point a scolding look into your skull that almost makes you shrink in your seat in embarrassment.

“Y/N, no one’s point of view is stupid. Literature is all about the impertretation,” she states, earning a few nods and hums from your interested classmates, “now, who agrees with Y/N’s interpretation of the play?”

A few hands shoot out into the air, Jisung’s following as you angrily nudge him into his side, making you grin. No way your friend is going to support your moral enemy’s idea-- he was your friend, after all. Something inside of you is telling you that this whole feud wasn’t only about the play anymore,. You were fighting with Kim Seungmin, and that was enough to keep you standing by your point.

“And who agrees with Seungmin’s interpretation?” she asks again, searching through the classroom. It seems like the amount of people that agree with your classmate is about the same as the amount of people that agree with you, making you annoyingly roll your eyes at the realisation that you once again didn’t manage to outpower your moral enemy. 

“I see the classroom has split into two teams,” she grins, nodding her head, “well, I did think you were going to have different opinions on this, but I didn’t think it was going to get so heated over here.” she points out, switching her gaze from you to Seungmin and back, as if to scold you and support you with your antics all at once.

“Yeah, well, it’s not my fault Y/N can’t appreciate one of the most important pieces of English literature-”

“I’m all about supporting, if it was actually good and meaningful-”

“Stop it, you two!” she scolds you, making both of you shut up and finally provide some silence in the room. “Well, since you all look like you have different opinions on the topic, let’s try a fun experiment. I was going to make you all write an essay on the play by yourselves, just like we usually do, but I think this is going to be much more fun for all of us.” she states, smiling to herself like a happy child on Christmas. You wonder what’s racing through her head as she searches through the classroom, locking eyes with you, then continuing.

“I want you all to write an essay and do a presentation on Romeo and Juliet-- you can write about anything, whether it is your ideas, what you took from the play, what is your view-point on it. But you have to write it with the person who has the exact opposite opinion on this play. So this way, we can get the story from two points of view. Let’s see what you agree on, what you don’t, make it a discussion, I don’t care, just make it make sense. Do you understand me?” she smiles and you swear you can already feel what is going on before she says it, making your head hurt and breath hitch in your throat.

“And since Seungmin and Y/N seem to have the most different opinions on this, I am picking them as a pair-- no, there’s no way for the two of you to change.” she says before you can even open your mouth to argue back, leaving you to stand up from your seat just at the time when the bell rings.

“But miss Jung-” 

“I want it done until the end of this month.” she smiles, taking her things and leaving the classroom, letting the thought sink in. You lunge yourself back to your seat, defeated and left to process the fact that you now had two weeks to work on a project with Kim Seungmin-- your biggest enemy.

A sigh escapes your seatmate’s mouth upon the scene, running his hand through his hair in frustration. “That’s what you get for always picking fights with him.”

2.

That’s how you end up in a coffee shop two blocks away from your house. You didn’t exactly ask for Kim Seungmin’s number-- you weren’t in the 2000s anymore-- you swiftly added him on Facebook in order to get this over with so you wouldn’t have to meet with him anymore. Yes, you were mad at Mrs Jung for pairing you up with him, but you still adored her and wanted to do well, so that’s why you chose to do what you had to and arranged a meeting with him.

Kim Seungmin appears in the coffee shop in his usual cozy demeanour-- oversized sweater and everything, with a backpack hanging off his shoulder and a serious look plastered on his face. He places his copy of Romeo and Juliet onto the table and sits his figure into the chair right in front of you, sighing heavily as he stares at you from under his eyelashes, voice low and defeated.

“Hi.” he greets, resting his back against the head of the chair, waiting for you to take initiative. You were the one who arranged this whole thing in the first place, so it was kind of your responsibility now in his books.

“Hello,” you cleared your throat. You felt like you were sitting there with the devil himself, just begging yourself in your head not to explode like a raging volcano with every movement he made that always somehow ended up irritating you. It was like his aura was everything you despised-- his collected way of discussing and his calm way of thinking getting on your nerves with every sigh he sent your way.

“So… how do you wanna go around this?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at you in question. 

You sigh back at him just to show him how annoyed you are by your professor’s choice of your partner, bringing your hands to rest them on the table and cracking your knuckles in nerves. You didn’t meet his eyes, you felt too intimidated to do so in the moment, before you spoke up and managed to get your point across. 

“Well, since we have to gather both of our viewpoints in the essay, I think we could just start of by telling the other one what topics we want to talk about so the other one can debunk them.” you mumble, suddenly feeling nervous by the possibility of your idea being rejected. If you could disappear on the spot, believe me, you would. 

Seungmin hums from his seat, nodding. “Seems reasonable.”

You try your hardest not to let out a relieved sigh, nodding back at him. “I brought some notes.”

You did some preparation for this. Well, a lot of preparation. There was no way Kim Seungmin could catch you unprepared at your study meeting. You wanted to prove to him that you were worth so much more than sharing your grade with him and if he had any snarky or teasing remark, you best believe you mastered up a response just as spiteful, if not more than what could possibly leave his lips in the moment. You weren’t here to embarrass yourself. You were here to look smart. Smarter than Kim Seungmin. 

“Perfect.” he just mutters, taking the sheet of paper you were offering to him from your hand, placing it on the table in front of him and skimming his eyes through the lines of text you scribbled down yesterday evening.

The silence makes your palms sweat. It makes you nervously bite down on your lower lip. You felt embarrassing-- you were never the conservative type. All this time, you used to hate your classmate from afar. You never actually spoke to each other, all you did to express your hatred for the boy was in the way you always rolled your eyes when he spoke up in class, or you sighed when Mrs Jung was complimenting him in front of everyone, making sure he heard you. You don’t know what broke in you that day-- you were quite the shy type, to be honest. You didn’t like to be the centre of attention. What were you even thinking by all of this?

“I don’t think we should mention their age as an argument,” he says, finally meeting eyes with you. 

“Why?” you ask, dumbfounded.

“Because as I already said, it was long ago. People used to marry young.” he shrugs, offering the sheet of paper back to you with a judging look on his face.

“Okay and? My point still stands. They were too young and reckless.” 

“I also don’t think we should talk about the sex part.” he concludes, landing his hands into his lap.

“Why? Because it’s controversial?” you teasingly grin at him, waiting for his response.

“No. Because it clearly brings nothing to the table about our arguments. It doesn’t even really play a big role in the whole thing, so I think it’s useless to mention,” he shrugs, looking at your face. It felt like his eyes were studying you, judging you. It was hard to keep eye contact with him-- so you didn’t. You averted your gaze out of the window, opting to watch the passer-bys instead. 

You sigh, waiting for him to say something against your notes again. Of course you could expect this-- there was no way Kim Seungmin would agree with anything you’re trying to say in the matter at all.

“And the point about Rosaline is a little over the line as well…” 

“What do you want me to put in the essay if you’re just going to tell me it’s unreasonable and over the line, huh?” you voice out, pinning your eyes onto his shocked figure, “it’s supposed to be an essay on everything I didn’t like about it, so that’s what I’m going to put in it and your job is to comment on my arguments. Just like my job is to comment on what you loved about this piece of shit of a play, and that’s what I’m going to do, so fuck off.” you growled, standing up and taking your things with you, too frustrated and hot-headed to continue the discussion.

Only Kim Seungmin could make you this mad and you hated him for it even more.

3.

You hear your door open, revealing your mum standing in the doorway with a mug of hot tea and a soft smile playing with her features. You sigh, playing with your pen in your hand, waiting for her to say what she needs to say and leave so you could have some silence to finally work.

“Sweetie, you should really relax for a while. You’ve been studying for the whole day…” she mumbles, taking the tea to your desk and running a hand through your hair. You fight off the urge to pull away from her, knowing damn well it would hurt her feelings, so you just opt to nod at her face and faking a smile.

“Yeah, sure, mum.” you respond, but make no effort in getting up from your chair and moving to your bed. It was already late in the night and your mum was wearing her pyjamas, signaling that she was going to sleep. She always went to sleep early, because she needed to wake up in the early hours of the day to go to work, but you usually didn’t go to sleep earlier than midnight anyway-- homework was taking you too much time sometimes.

“I mean it. You’re doing great job in school, sweetie, but you have to lay off for a while or else you’ll overwork yourself.” she says affectionately, making you grunt on the inside.

“Okay, okay, go to sleep now, good night mum…” you mumble, waiting for her to finally leave you alone. 

“Are you telling me to go away?” she asks with a hint of laugh in her voice that you know for a fact is fake, because the expression on her face looks hurt. You hate to see that face, because it makes you feel guilty, but you really can’t help yourself sometimes.

“No.” you mutter, shaking your head.

She just stares at you for a while, biting down on her lower lip, before she hangs her head low and sighs out. She turns around, taking a few steps to your door, turning around only for a moment when she stands in the doorway and whispers a quiet ‘good night’ at you, closing the door behind her and disappearing into her bedroom. 

You feel a sense of relief coming over you. Of course you weren’t going to sleep yet, but she didn’t have to know that. She didn’t have to know a lot of things. 

The small, old copy of Romeo and Juliet falls into your eyes in the corner of your desk. You had to borrow your book from the library and you hated how some pages were torn and the ink was so old it was hard to read sometimes, but you couldn’t afford to buy yourself one, because you were saving up for college and every cent counts in your household. 

You take it into your hands, reading over the passages you bookmarked when you were first reading the book, wanting to refresh your memory with the lines that stood up to you and made you snort at how ridiculous the book truly was again before typing them down into the document you had opened in front of you.

“Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake- it’s everything except what it is!” it says. You run your fingers along the words, the curves of the ink cutting you like a knife. Love is all of these things-- it’s terrifying and it’s unpredictable. It sounds scary in your ears and you’ve seen it right in front of your eyes- love is everything except what it is. 

Love isn’t heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold. Love isn’t sick and healthy. Love is pain. It takes everything you have, it ties you down, it makes you do things you would never do if you weren’t in love. It intoxicates you and makes you make bad decisions. When you love, you’re irresponsible. You’re like a storm. 

Your mum and your dad were in love. Or, your mum always told you they were.

So if your mum and your dad were in love, they were supposed to be together through the heavy and the light. Through the bright and through the dark. Through sick and healthy. They were supposed to be there for each other. 

They were both really young when they fell in love. You understand-- they were reckless and they were stupid. 

But did your father really have to leave you? 

Love is nothing from the above. Love is sick and love is just a play. It would be stupid to be hung up on that idea that Kim Seungmin so desperately wanted to believe in.

4.

“So, how far did you get with the essay?” asks Jisung on your lunch break, looking at you with expectation. You told him about your planned meeting with Seungmin, but you didn’t get around to telling him just how it went yet. 

“Oh, that…” you mumble, letting out a dry chuckle, “well, he told me my ideas are stupid, so I’m just going to write it by myself and send it to him so he can add his points into it.” you shrugged, taking a bite from your sandwich, stuffing your cheeks with the food so you didn’t have to explain any further.

Jisung sighs in front of you, rolling his eyes like every time you gush about Seungmin and how he gets on your nerves. “Can you lay off that Anne and Gilbert attitude already?”

“Stop saying that, that’s disgusting,” you scrunch up your nose, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Well, it looks like you two are doing a whole 21st century remake right in front of our eyes, though,” chuckles Jisung, teasing you further, “with that whole top of the class students that hate each other and act like children just because they don’t agree on something. It’s only a matter of time before you fall in love.”

“Ew,” you fake a gag, rolling your eyes at him, “that is so not happening.”

“Yeah, sure, tell me about it at your wedding in a few years.” he mutters.

“I am not getting married in my whole life, marriage is wack,” you roll your eyes at him for the millionth time, the gesture so familiar to you over the past few days. Everything seems to annoy you recently. Maybe you were just going through a bad patch, who knows?

“Oh would you look at that, Y/N’s acting like a Grinch again,” giggles Jisung, ruffling your hair in the process just to annoy you even more, making you pull away abruptly from his touch.

“That doesn’t even make any sense! Grinch hates Christmas, not fake images of love.” you argue back, finishing your sandwich and rolling the plastic that was covering it into a little ball, throwing it into his face to shut him up.

“Yeah, sure.” he snorts, throwing the ball back at you. You catch it in your hands with a promise to yourself to throw it out when exiting the cafeteria later, when you feel a light tap on your shoulder that makes you turn around.

The sight in front of you makes you shoot your eyebrows up in shock, leaving you flustered and surprised. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to ask when we can hang out again to work on that essay, since it’s, you know, like half of our final grade…” mutters Seungmin, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly and pointing his eyes at you, casually waiting for your answer.

“Oh, we’re not meeting again. I’m just going to email you the file when I’m done.” you shrug.

“But that’s unfair to me?” he offers, eyebrows shooting up and his hand falling to his side.

“Why would it be?”

“That gives me less time to work on it, you know. And you have to add your comments to my work anyways, so it would mean you’ll have to write those at the last-minute.” Seungmin explains, his tone of voice calm and collected, just as always, after all, making you roll your eyes and fume up again. 

“I don’t really care,” you shrug, smiling ironically at his face.

“Why- what?” he asks, looking genuinely concerned and confused, eyebrows scrunching up and his voice raising a little by an octave.

You don’t answer him, though. You’ve had enough of his snarky comments and remarks in the coffee shop-- you weren’t going to meet up with Kim Seungmin again, even if it meant the possibility of getting a bad grade from your most favorite and treasured subject. 

After the boy is met with silence, all he does is scoff at you, shooting his arms up into the air and shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re such a fucking child, oh my god.”

And with that, he strides off, your eyes following his every move to make sure he doesn’t come near you again. His steps are quick and angry, and this is actually the first time you’ve seen him get so frustrated with something. You take pride in getting him over the edge. You were finally even. He doesn’t look back once and you think you finally made it.

“Stop staring, Anne.” you hear from your friend sitting right in front of you, making you break away from your bubble and taking a look at him, seeing him amused and with a teasing grin plastered on his face.

“Fuck off.”

5.

“Peace? I hate the word as I hate hell and all Montagues.” Mrs Jung reads out, when you start dozing off in the class. You’ve read the play a lot of times already, making you feel bored even by the repetitiveness of your class. You understand that she is just waiting for all of you to turn in your papers, not wanting to move on from Romeo and Juliet just yet, but you find yourself slowly falling asleep under the spell of her voice and the fact that you spent the whole night studying again. The sentence startles you awake, making you chuckle to yourself.

‘Peace? I hate the word as I hate hell and Kim Seungmin himself,’ you think. If Han Jisung could read minds, he would be surely teasing you with another smart remark of how much energy you’re spending by hating the poor boy and how it’s not possible for you to not fall in love with him soon after how much time he spends in your mind, but Han Jiung can’t read minds. And even if he could, you’d just tell him to fuck off. Because he is wrong.

“Am I boring you, Y/N?” asks Mrs Jung, fully startling you awake as you straighten your back and properly sit on your uncomfortable chair again. 

“Of course not!” you call out, blinking rapidly to keep your eyes from closing on themselves again. 

“Oh, I thought I was, by how tired you seem by listening to me.” she just smiles at you, then continues talking and looks at the other students in your class, leaving you to blush to yourself without giving you more attention. 

You chew on the inside of your cheek, looking around the classroom. You feel embarrassed. You really didn’t mean to give your favorite professor the wrong idea-- you just got to bed really, really late yesterday. It happened often, but you guess that it just took a bigger stroll on you today. 

Your eyes meet the orbs of your moral enemy, that just gazes into you with intensity. You quickly look away. Why is he doing that? His eyes look worried. He’s not supposed to look at you in such a way-- he’s supposed to laugh at how you’ve just been scolded. He just won a few points to himself by paying more attention than you, he just got on the better side with your favorite professor, yet he doesn’t look like he’s enjoying it at all. 

A small piece of paper catches your interest from the corner of your eye. You read through it, recognising the loopy handwriting of your seat-mate.

did you stay up late studying again?

You sigh, taking a pen out of your pencil case and neatly writing under it, trying not to get caught by Mrs Jung. You really don’t want to get scolded for the second time today.

yeah

you should probably relax a little, your grades are already good to begin with

You roll your eyes at the note. Of course he’d say something like that. In elementary school, your grades were good without even trying. All you had to do was pay attention in class and write what you could remember, but now, in high school, everything is a little harder for you and you suddenly weren't good enough anymore. And yeah, you could say that grades don’t even matter that much, but for you, they meant everything. 

yeah that’s bc i study jisung

now you’re falling asleep tho how is that helping

You don’t answer him. It’s not that he’s wrong. It’s just that… you’re not going to tell him that he is. Yes, you falling asleep wasn’t helping you in the tiniest, because the less you pay attention in class, the more you have to study at home, and the more you study, the less you sleep, which means you’re going to fall asleep in class the next day and it’s just an endless cycle.

sorry :( but just remember that grades aren’t everything Anne you can get an F once in a while

thanks

You write. But you don’t really mean it. 

Because if you get an F, you’re not going to be the top of the class anymore.

And how will you get a scholarship if you’re not?

6.

You arrive to the library, sighing to yourself as you quickly take your coat off and smile to Mrs Kim, the older librarian that let you work here part-time for the time being. You didn’t get paid much, but you loved the job. For the most part, it was easy-- there weren’t many people coming to libraries these days anymore and you could just stay behind the counter, occasionally letting people borrow books and writing them into the evidence. You had a lot of time to study there as well, it was silent and calm. Sometimes, you felt like your heart could rest a little in the small place.

“I’m sorry for coming late Mrs Kim, but the bus was late so I couldn’t get here sooner-” you rush out out of breath, dropping your backpack under the counter, ready to change seats with your employer that was done with her shift for the day.

“It’s totally okay, sweetheart, you know there’s no rush.” she smiles at you, reassuring your nerves with the gesture. You were glad you had such caring people around you. You met with Mrs Kim more than you did with your own mother-- it was strange, but comforting to know that at least someone close to a parental figure was still in your life.

Maybe you just hung yourself into older, reliable people because you lost the security you had in your own mother. Or because you didn’t even have a father to begin with. You don’t know if you’re doing the right thing, but in your heart, it surely feels like you are. 

You nod at her, seeing her leave and wave at you as she takes her things with her before you’re left alone with your thoughts. You sit yourself on the chair, looking around for a moment, before you take out your notes and start working on your homework. The library felt like a safe space-- not that you didn’t have the silence and comfort at your own home, since you were home alone all the time anyway-- but here, at least you felt like there was a reason behind your loneliness. You were at work, after all. 

You wonder if things would have been different for your mum if she didn’t have you so young. Maybe she would still be happy with your dad-- maybe she wouldn’t have to work a lot just to get you through life. It’s not easy, raising a child on your own when you are a child still, you realise that. And your mother does a good job-- at least you think she is-- but sometimes, you wish your life would be different.

You curse at your mother for being so reckless when she was young. If you’d be born later, she’d finish school. Give you a better life. Maybe, you would even have a father. You would be a little happy family, going on vacations and enjoying your lives.

Now, you’re stuck with trying your hardest to be the best at everything. To have your life figured out, because at your age, your mum surely didn’t. You know you shouldn’t blame her-- you need two people to create a child, but there was no other person for you to blame. 

You try your hardest to get a scholarship, because you can’t pay for college on your own. You work so your mother doesn’t have to stay at her job over-night so often just to pay the bills. You educate yourself to be smart and successful-- because that will surely change your life for the better, right? 

Suddenly, you hear the bell above the door of the library ring, startling you away from your thoughts. You look that way with a polite smile on your face you’ve taught yourself while working at customer service, ready to greet the customer with fake enthusiasm, when your mouth hangs open without a word. Startled would be an understatement to the feeling you feel at the moment.

“Hello,” the person greets politely, looking at you momentarily before going up to the counter with a stack of books in his hands. He looks up after placing them on the surface and that’s the moment when you see he realises your presence fully-- after seeing his face fall into shock.

“Good afternoon,” you grunt ironically, taking the books closer to yourself so you can check them in, recognising his eyes following your every move from the corner of your eye, “your ID?” you raise up your eyebrows at him, annoyance apparent in your features.

“Oh, right,” he catches himself, quickly patting every pocket of his clothing, until he puts up his hand into his backpack and browses through his wallet, slender fingers offering you the little card so you can scan the code.

The computer freezes for a bit and you curse to yourself-- did it really have to happen now? With Kim Seungmin watching you like an alien? The computer at your local library wasn’t the newest, per say. It didn’t even have to be, your usual customers were just as old, if not even older than that piece of machinery, they didn’t mind waiting. But now wasn’t the time for the computer to freeze. You feel yourself losing your nerves, bouncing your leg up and down, angrily glaring at the screen. 

A minute passes, than another-- could it even get worse than this? 

“So,” clears his throat Seungmin, making you snap your head up to meet his gaze, “what’s up?” he asks, shocking you again. 

“Why do you care?” you snap, glaring at him instead. How dare he act so casually after saying all those mean things to you? You couldn’t believe your ears. 

“Because you’re my classmate…?” he furrows his brows, tone of voice cautious, sounding like a question instead.

“And?” you ask, watching the screen of the computer instead, cursing at the new electronic system Mrs Kim decided to install. It would have been so much easier if you could just scribble down your signature on a small piece of paper and take the books like you used to do before, but no, she was all about innovation. 

“And I thought we were civil enough for a casual conversation,” he rambles, making you snort in disbelief.

“Oh, we are anything but civil.” you respond, losing your nerves, taking your hand and angrily hitting the top of the screen, as if it was supposed to make the computer work. You violently curse under your breath, hitting it a few times, each one more lightly, until the program starts to work, finally registering the books back into the library evidence.

“Why do you even hate me so much?” he asks after you stop, looking at you with annoyed eyes and a look worthy of an oscar-winning actor. He didn’t care, you knew that, but he sure looked like he did.

You just scoff at him, shaking your head. 

“Goodbye,” is all you offer him, his library ID in your hand, before he takes it and rolls his eyes at you again, like many times before. With that, he leaves-- just like you wanted him to-- and you can finally relax. 

You sigh out, taking a seat on your chair again, angirly shutting your textbooks close and grunting under your breath. You put your head into your hands, resting them on the table, breathing heavily. You won’t even be able to study now, and it’s all thanks to him.

Why do you even hate him so much?

7.

Kim Seungmin is an interesting individual. As you continue to work in the library the next week, you meet him there every single day. You don’t even have the energy to bark at him anymore-- he slid into your life like a gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Always there, but you never get used to it and it’s still annoying when you walk around. 

Kim Seungmin is your moral enemy, as we already established. He comes into the library every day and you’re convinced it’s just because he wants to piss you off, but you don’t give him the satisfaction of letting him rile you up anymore. You just silently glare at him and sigh when the timing feels right to show him how much you actually still hate his presence. 

He comes back one day while you’re working on your essay, sitting at the table with furrowed eyebrows and the end of your pen trapped between your teeth. The copy of the play is sitting open right in front of you and his eyes fall into it, recognising the underlined replicas and words. You didn’t work on that essay together ever since your first meeting and the due date was nearing, all he wanted to do was review it with you to at least know what he was getting into.

“Can you even read all of these books in a day when you keep coming back for more every time?” you grumpily mumble as you check back the books you, as the librarian, let him borrow yesterday. They are quite thin, but still, you doubt he was so quick to read all of them in a single afternoon.

“Why do you care?” he asks, snickering to himself. Of course, here he is-- annoying every single cell and fiber of your body again.

“Oh, trust me, I don’t. It’s just getting a little annoying.” you ironically smile at him, sitting back to your chair as you finish lending him the new stash of books. You’re not even sure where he got all of these from, since they don’t even look that interesting, but you choose not to think about it any longer as you get back to your essay, scribbling onto the lined paper.

“I like what you’ve written so far,” he says, startling you. You thought he left already-- I mean, why would he even stay? But he didn’t and he was standing right in front of you, eyes skimming over your messy handwriting.

“No you don’t. You’re arguing against me.” you snap back, darting your eyes to him, seeing him sigh.

“Whatever,” he shakes his head, “I was just wondering when you’re going to finally stop being so childish so we can work on that project together, you know.”

“I’m not childish-”

“Stop arguing with me for once, for god’s sake!” he rushes out, throwing his arms in the air in nerves, huffing out in frustration. “Look, I’ll be here tomorrow. The same time. I’ll bring my things and if you still don’t let me work with you, I won’t write anything and we’ll get a bad grade together. Take it or leave it.”

And with that, he is gone. 

Fuck Kim Seungmin.

8.

Turns out your enemy is a man of his word. 

He truly does show up the next day-- with his backpack slung on his shoulder, cute big glasses sitting on his nose and a stack of papers in his hands. He raises his brows at you upon arriving and you just let out a defeated sigh. 

You put a lot of thought into this yesterday evening. Did you hate Kim Seungmin? Of course you did. Was he really annoying? Yes. But were you going to get a bad grade just because of that? Not a chance. 

And so you choose to give up on the small war and let him sit in front of you, you let him casually ask you questions about the essay and surprisingly, you answer. It is kind of easy, working with a partner on the same exact level as you, because, and now, don’t get me wrong, you love your classmates, but it seemed like you did all the work all the time. It was nice to have somebody by your side that actually managed to do something and took his part responsibly.

“So, since we’re not just gonna go there and argue right from the start, I wrote a little something about William Shakespeare and his background as well in the introduction, I actually didn’t get around to writing the introduction to the play itself, but-”

“Oh that’s fine, I have it done. We can just stick that in there,” he smiles at you warmly, taking you by a surprise. 

You’ve never seen Kim Seungmin smile at you. It was strange to act so friendly around him. Perhaps you were really losing your mind while studying so much. 

“Perfect.” you nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. 

“I also have the general storyline written down so you don’t have to do that…” he mumbles, looking away for a while when your eyes meet. Is this supposed to be so awkward?

“Nice.” you opt to simply reply in your usual cold nature, nodding.

“Can you tell me which topics you wrote about? So I know if I need to write my part about more things…” he takes the initiative again and you’re actually kind of glad, because that means you don’t have to think of the schedule of your little meeting anymore. 

“Oh, right,” you say, shuffling around in your papers, “um… I just wrote about the age aspect, how reckless their love was, the image of love itself in the play, I also wrote about how meaningless the rivalry was…” you mumble, averting your eyes to the blue ink on the paper.

“Awesome, so we have all of that done… except from the love thing. Okay, I’ll write it next time I come around, since I have tutoring in a few,” he smiles, standing up from the chair, taking all of his things with him.

“Next time?”

“Yeah, well, we still have to finish it. You’ll be here on Tuesday, right? Since the class is on Thursday, so we can have time for the finishing touches.” he proposes, leaving you staring at him, startled.

“O...kay,” you nod, watching him leave.

“Perfect! I’ll see you around, bye!” he cheers, escaping the library that now feels so much hotter than before, leaving you all alone. You notice his tall figure rushing the other way of the library, watching it until it disappears completely out of your sight. 

You notice how hot your cheeks are, bringing a hand to rest against the burning surface, taking deep breaths to somehow calm down the racing heart you are only recognising now, that he’s gone. 

You still have a lot of work to do before Tuesday-- one of your tasks, it seems, is to try to not fall for his friendly nature and welcoming smile. Because perhaps, he was right all along-- why do you even hate him so much?

9.

Kim Seungmin has always been your moral enemy-- you despised everything about him, from the way he was always so calm and collected, so sweet and caring, so smart and thoughtful. You despised his composure. You despised the way he always somehow managed to make friends with everyone around him no matter who the person was. 

He was everything you weren’t. You were just the quiet kid from a broken family that always had to look after herself. You were the kid that had to keep on trying to be the best one, because your mind didn’t let you accept the second place. 

Yet now, that Kim Seungmin is sitting right in front of you with a sweet smile plastered onto his features and a stack of notes in his hands, making your heart race with his every move, you start to quietly doubt your silent hatred for the boy.

He makes it so easy to be likeable. You’re jealous of him.

“Okay, so, do you want to start reading? I think it might help us to have a run down before presenting this on Thursday,” he asks you, leaving you to take a deep breath in, nodding to yourself.

You skip the introduction bits-- both of you know a little too much about the play and its author already, you have no reason to be reading those parts out loud. Something inside of you starts shaking at the thought of presenting your work to him. You were never really good with presentations, your quiet nature leaving you getting hot in the cheeks and stammering every time you had to read in front of the class, but now, it feels even worse with the boy staring at you, listening to everything you have to say.

“They say Romeo and Juliet describe a love that surpasses all boundaries, but a close reading of the play suggests the lovers’ feelings are more complicated than pure love. If we look, we can find plenty of evidence that Romeo and Juliet’s love for one another is, at least initially, immature. Romeo begins the play claiming to be passionately in love with another woman, Rosaline. When he sees Juliet, he abandons Rosaline before he has even spoken to his new love, which suggests that his feelings for both women are superficial. Juliet, meanwhile, seems to be motivated by defying her parents. She is unenthusiastic about her parents’ choice of husband for her, and at the party where she is supposed to meet Paris, she instead kisses Romeo after exchanging just fourteen lines of dialogue with him. When Romeo returns to see Juliet, she is focused on marriage. For Juliet, part of the appeal of marriage is that it will free her from her parents: ‘I’ll no longer be a Capulet’,” you read out quietly. The room is silent, you can even hear the passing cars outside of the window, but Seungmin says nothing. You pay a daring look to him, finding him focused on your face, which makes you shakily drift your eyes back, reading some more so you can distract yourself.

“Marriage is, also, another great aspect of the story-- Juliet is only 13 in the play and even though we can argue and say that historically, she was of age to get married, I still think it is irresponsible to marry so young and so quickly. It brings a bad view of reckless love to young readers that are forced to read the play while growing up.” you continue, hearing Seungmin smirk from the other side of the table.

“‘With love’s light wings did I o’erperch these walls, for stony limits cannot hold love out’, Romeo says, however, to Juliet, all of the freedom she gets from love sparks in the idea of leaving her parents so she can have sex.” you read out, hearing Seungmin finally burst out laughing.

You stop reading, looking up to him with questioning eyes. 

“Why are you so dramatic about all of it anyway?” he asks you, making you furrow your brows in confusion.

“What do you mean dramatic? I was supposed to write about my own view of it, so I did just that. You don’t have to laugh at me for it,” you shake your head, kind of feeling pathetic for the way your heart is racing. The thing is, and you know it sounds ridiculous, you actually feel kind of hurt by the sound of his laughter.

“I understand that, but why do you keep bashing the author for writing it like that? It’s like you don’t even believe in love, all you did was criticise all of the ideas he had. And so what if they were young and reckless? They were still in love, you know?” he rambles, making your blood boil again.

“You can’t just ignore all of it because it was in history. I don’t think it’s normal to marry so young and to claim you are in love so quickly, because you know what? If they survived, they would make a child. And then, they would realise how they fucked up their own life and Romeo would run away from her with a snap of his finger, because that’s what young, immature boys do. And then-” you raise your voice, not even realising how heated you got with the argument as you continue to ramble. The vision of your own parents and your own story is slowly eating you all up from the inside, when suddenly, Seungmin cuts you off again with a laugh.

“But you don’t know that. It’s not even in the play and your conspiracies are just… pathetic, really,” he shrugs, taking in your distressed state.

Pathetic conspiracies. Is this what he called your life?

“Leave.” you say, breathing heavy.

“What? We didn’t even-” 

“You criticize everything I write, not even recognising that maybe I do have a reason for feeling like this and maybe I really do not want to idolise young, immature love when I know just how much damage it can make, so please, for the love of god, Kim Seungmin, leave me alone!” you yell out, standing up from your chair and pointing to the door.

“Y/N-”

“I said get out!” you scream. His deep eyes stare at you for a few minutes, startled, before he hurriedly takes his things and leaves through the front door. 

Once you’re finally alone again, you sigh heavily and put your head into your hands. You feel your eyes burning, trying to desperately blink away the stupid tears filling your saddened orbs, but it’s no use as you see a few teadrops fall onto the opened copy of Romeo and Juliet on the table. 

‘It’s easy for someone to joke about scars if they’ve never been cut.’, it says.

Maybe you were fooling yourself when you thought Kim Seungmin will no longer be your enemy after all of this.

10.

You raise up to your feet when Mrs Jung calls on you on Friday. You already know what’s going to happen-- you’d been preparing yourself for this moment for the past two long, miserable days. You hadn’t spoken to Seungmin since that day in the library and frankly, you feel like after all of this, you have nothing to say to him. You feel like all energy has been sucked out of you, like you are just a walking cage without a soul just ready for this whole project to be over.

You scan the faces of your classmates, most of them looking interested by your essay. They must be expecting drama, an outburst of emotions as you listen to Seungmin’s words, but you won’t give them the satisfaction today. You’re just going to do your part-- you’re going to read out what you have to say and that’s where it ends. You’re not wasting your energy on Kim Seungmin anymore. It’s not worth your time at all. 

So you start, just like that time in the library. You make all your points, you mention all of the topics you wanted to discuss. You throw it right in front of their faces, silently confessing to them all of your deepest secrets and insecurities, because the truth is, you wouldn’t feel so strongly about the play if it didn’t affect you as much. 

And when you’re done, you let your rival speak. You listen to him with curiosity, it doesn’t matter how much you’re trying to convince yourself you don’t actually care. His words flow into your ears and fill your mind with thoughts, every single one of them dedicated to his neat handwriting and his brain full of mysteries he is currently uncovering right in front of you.

“To be honest, Y/N’s words made me think. They made me think too hard. They made me question if my point of view was actually as correct as I thought it was. You see, Y/N is a smart girl. No one can deny that. Perhaps that is what made me doubt my own words so much in the first place,” he starts, looking you directly in the eye, but quickly averting his eyes to the small group of people in the classroom instead, “but still, even though there are some points of her essay that I agree with-- like the age aspect, even though historically, it could be meaningless, as well as the way their marriage comes too fast, there are still things I strongly disagree on.”

He takes a deep breath, shuffling the papers in his hands until he finds the right one, and starts speaking again. “Y/N says their love isn’t as pure as it seems to be. With Romeo abandoning Rosaline and with Juliet desperately wanting to break away from her parents, it may seem that way. However, I think that yet, while the two characters may have initially fell for each other due to a mixture of convenience and lust, Romeo and Juliet’s language shows their passion maturing into real love,” he says, taking a short look at you that makes your insides burn in flames, “In their first meeting, they compose a sonnet together using the religious language of pilgrimage. They both start using astrological language to describe their love. As their relationship develops, they use less rhyme, which has the effect of making their language feel less artificial. These changes in the lovers’ language show that they are growing together. They are growing to care more deeply for each other, they are growing into a feeling of love they have for each other.”

“Another thing I disagree with Y/N on is her image of love. ‘Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn,’ she quotes. Romeo asks his friend, Mercutio, this question when he feels hurt by his love. Yet, as I already mentioned, in my opinion, love is growing. And growing is a journey-- in every journey, there is going to be some pain,” he looks at you again, as if to tell you that his words aren’t meant for the class, but for you and your ears only. It doesn’t look like he’s arguing with you anymore--he is simply telling you what’s on his mind. What he believes in. 

“In theory, I think love is beautiful. I understand the pain and I understand the journey. And with me saying I disagree, I’m not saying Y/N’s opinion is wrong. It’s simply what she believes in,” he nods his head, locking his eyes with Mrs Jung, “but perhaps, it’s the romantic in me that believes that the image of love portrayed in this book was, in fact, beautiful.”

He clears his throat, looking at you again, but this time, his eyes don’t drift to the papers in his hand, rather speaking from his memory instead of reading out the things he had written down. “‘The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars as daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright that birds would sing, and think it were not night.’ Isn’t that beautiful?” he averts his eyes to the class, smiling to himself and looking to the ground. 

Somehow, his words feel heavy on you. Like they hold the weight of the world, like what he said wasn’t just to prove a point to you. Perhaps Kim Seungmin saw through the hurt you feel-- perhaps he tried to understand. Maybe, he even tried to make you feel better. 

Somehow, his words feel like a confession. His ending ment of saying ‘thank you for your time’ goes unnoticed in your brain, everything turning blurry as the bell rings just as your presentation ends, your brain, eyes-- your whole being focused on Kim Seungmin and the way his voice recitated the words with such passion in his heart.

“‘And where two raging fires meet together, they do consume the thing that feeds their fury,’” the voice of your English literature teacher cuts through your senses like a knife, the smile on her face bringing you back to reality, “Good job, you two.”

11.

A kick in a face wouldn’t hit you harder than seeing Kim Seungmin appear in the library the next day. You aren’t prepared to see him, not when all you’ve been thinking of the last night without being able to fall asleep were his words, his mind and his face. You saw him every time you closed your eyes-- it was like he suddenly imprinted himself into your brain. It was crazy. You felt crazy.

Romeo and Juliet fell in love at first sight. Romeo and Juliet got married the next day. 

How much time did it take you to fall in love with Kim Seungmin? 

Suddenly, you have no idea. And what makes it all worse is the fact that somehow, it all makes sense in your eyes. Maybe Jisung was right when he told you that giving so much energy into hating the boy would somehow make you end up like the 21st century replica of Anne of the Green Gables and Gilbert Blythe.

“Hello,” he breathes out, the corners of his mouth slightly curving up before he bites the nervous smile down, chewing on his bottom lip. 

“Hi,” you shyly greet him, noticing the book in his hands alongside with the library card, taking it from his reached-out hand. You recognise the book way too well, the hard covers a little dusty and the spine damaged from the amount of people that had borrowed this book from the library before.

You take the copy of Romeo and Juliet and place it on the table, registering it back into the database. It feels like a chapter of your life is ending. It seems like forever since you’ve been assigned the project, but in a way, you know that nothing will ever be the same. 

You kept thinking of his words in the night. How in his romantic mind, love is beautiful. And it’s a journey that requires pain, in a way. 

You kept thinking of how your parents were in love. And then, they were in pain. It was their journey that somehow ended up with you being born, ended up with your father leaving you because he couldn’t bear the responsibility. You kept thinking about how you used to blame your mother, even though all she ever did was raise you and love you. And in a way, you knew Seungmin was right and love was beautiful-- it brought your mum pain, but she was happy while it lasted. And you were the proof of that.

You give him back his library ID, fully expecting him to leave without another word, but he doesn’t. He takes it back from your hold, slipping the card into his back pocket, giving you a meaningful look as he sighs.

“I-”

“Look-”

You both start at the same time, nervously laughing before prompting the other one to speak first. You avert your eyes away from his face, letting him know you won’t be the first one to speak this time, patiently waiting for him to start talking.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry if I ever made it seem like I hate you or anything, because, well, it’s quite the opposite, really,” he chuckles, wiping his hands against his pants, “I never had the guts to hold a proper conversation with you before, because honestly, I was too shy to do that, since you’re like… so smart and everything, but yeah,” he sighs again, shortly looking you in the eyes before finishing his little speech, “I’m just… sorry, I guess?”

You feel your lips tugging into a smile, shaking your head in disbelief before speaking up again. “No, I should be the one saying sorry, because I was the one acting like a bitch… I guess that were just my own insecurities getting in the way.” 

His smile mirrors yours in no time, taking your breath away as you curse in your own head. You feel crazy. So, so damn crazy for liking it so much.

“It’s okay. I guess we both had some things that came in the way. If I wasn’t acting so cold, maybe you wouldn’t hate me as much-”

“No, it’s not your fault!” you stop him, reaching out a hand to gesture him that he is talking nonsense. 

He nervously shifts his weight from one leg to another, taking a short look at his shoes, gaining all of his courage before speaking up again. “I know this may sound ridiculous, but would you maybe want to… hang out sometime?”

“Hang out?” you repeat, voice a few octaves higher than usual.

“Y-yeah,” he nods, eyes big, “I was actually thinking of asking you out on a date but since you used to hate me until now, I didn’t want to go too fast-”

“It can be a date,” you jump in. The voice in your head is screaming at you now, hell, it is running around your head and hitting the walls in anger and panic. How the hell did you end up in this position? Asking Kim Seungmin out on a date? You really must be ridiculous.

“Okay,” he smiles, urgently nodding. 

“Okay.” you grin. You exchange a daring stare into each other’s eyes before he deeply inhales and scratches the back of his neck, turning on his heel and quickly pacing to the door. You almost think he’s going to leave, but he quickly looks back and stops in his tracks, shooting you one last, bright smile.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow!” he cheers, not even letting you respond before he runs out of the door.

As the library falls into dead silence, you take a seat on the chair, sighing deeply and bringing your head into your palms resting on the table, just like many times before when Seungmin left the comfort of the library, but this time, there’s a goofy smile playing with your lips as you think of the last few minutes, chuckling to yourself. This was an outcome you did not expect from the project-- but it’s an outcome you don’t mind at all.

Romeo and Juliet fell in love at first sight. How long did it take you? 

It’s fair to say at least two weeks.

Maybe you were foolish and maybe it will hurt, but there’s something tempting at the warm feeling in your chest and the excitement Seungmin’s presence makes you feel, and that feeling alone doesn’t let you give up on this just yet. 

Your eyes fall to the opened book of Romeo and Juliet you’d left on your table just before he arrived, meaning to return the copy of the play to the library. You’re met with a sentence that makes you chuckle at the irony, the foolishness washing over you mixed with a feeling of joy you can’t quite comprehend yet, but welcome it with your arms wide open and expecting heart.

‘My only love sprung from my only hate.’

[inb4belphienaps]

the celestial realm i.e. where angels go to fall

thank you to the besties (@theaspers & @curiousmyth​) who helped me gather all the info 💖💖

‼️⚠️ disclaimer: long post | potential spoilers ahead | mentions of war and propaganda | discussion of topics such as brainwashing, manipulation, idealization of subservience, corruption and identity crisis

i think it’s pretty clear that after what happened during the angelic demons event, we realized that there were some pretty sinister things going on in the celestial realm

not only did the introduction of the bangles suggest that angels were being forced into obedience, it also suggested that michael harbors a great deal of ill will towards the demon brothers (and perhaps the devildom as a whole)

although it is lilith’s death that is predominantly the reason why the brothers fell, i like to think that over time, they began to break away from the hold that their father had on them, which further perpetuated and ultimately culminated in their fall

it’s said that lucifer was the pride and joy of the celestial realm (god’s favorite in fact), and throughout the main story, luke mentions that michael was particularly fond of him as well

so to have the “most perfect angel” defy god arguably left quite a bitter taste in michael’s mouth - at which point, he considered lucifer and his brothers to no longer be family but instead traitors to the entire celestial realm

what’s strange is that luke, a young angel who was born after the great celestial war and only met the brothers as demons, had never heard of lilith before coming to the devildom

in the more recent lessons, it’s hinted at that lilith and the brothers aren’t really talked about in the celestial realm - they’re a topic of discussion akin to legend (a cautionary tale, maybe)

this was probably an idea that was enforced right as the war ended, during a time when things looked grim and morale amongst the angels was at a particularly low point considering their significant losses (and possibly the falling of more angels thereafter)

simeon must’ve been coming to terms with his own grievances following this terrifying period of fear and confusion because he expresses on multiple occasions just how much he’s missed the brothers after coming to the devildom

he reminisces the old days and seems envious of their newfound freedom - something he could (after the war) and can only emulate through his writing now

the TSL series is what i consider to be simeon’s way of coping and as a method of rebellion - one that takes advantage of the fact that it is a work of fiction which, to anyone who actually knows the brothers, appears to describe their story in great detail (although it isn’t mentioned canonically, i’ll bet anything that it includes the events that took place during the great celestial war)

not only does it depict the seven lords as powerful beings (given their titles), the story centers around the relationships between them and a human who helps them a great deal, showing that simeon supports diavolo’s wish to unite the three realms (a desire that michael doesn’t seem too keen on)

with the harsh punishments and the emphasis on compliance that the celestial realm appears to pride itself on (for many reasons e.g. to maintain their heavenly image), it’s no wonder why simeon was stripped of his seraph status and made to be an archangel like michael (presumably so he can be watched more closely)

we see that subservience in the form of blind obedience is something that the celestial realm values a lot and since simeon is constantly teetering on the edge of supposedly doing the opposite, i think michael is doing his utmost to either expose him (by forcing him to do things he doesn’t want to) or to try and win him over (by using luke as leverage)

speaking of luke, i don’t think he’s actually an official exchange student but due to simeon being his mentor (and probably at the request of michael), he was allowed to visit the other realms and see for himself how “idyllic” the celestial realm is in comparison

which is a notion that completely backfires as luke starts to realize that demons aren’t inherently bad or evil, and that there’s so much that he doesn’t know outside of the pristine white walls he calls home

despite being presented as a device for comedic relief in the main story, if we were to delve further into this, it could be argued that luke is having a bit of an identity crisis

everything that he was taught from the moment he came into existence is suddenly being challenged by the mere fact that the people who were always painted as the “villains” of the story (a.k.a. the demons and quite possibly humans too) are, in reality, nothing of the sort

luke grows very close to barbatos and it could be said that he also considers the demon to be a mentor (perhaps even on the same level as simeon), further bringing into question all that he knows to be “true” - the concept of demons and falling and the idea of corruption in and of itself starts to paint the celestial realm in a very different light

i think this is the reason why simeon has so much faith in luke - he knows that despite how young and impressionable the angel is, he has the capacity to make his own judgements and in due time, decide for himself what being an angel really means

and eventually, whether he really even wants to continue being an angel

[forestlingincorporated]

Teen Titans #29

So, one of my favorite types of fics to read is Different First Meeting fics between Jason and Tim. I looooove reading Enemies To Caretaker, of which I fed handsomely on fairly recently. Big Brother Jason fics give me warm fuzzies, and Tim Drake needs a hug, and I feel like if these two actually got to know each other and worked past their preconceptions, they’d get along surprisingly well. And Still A Jason!Robin Fanboy Tim Drake is just a fun concept. 

Also, it just FEELS right for the middle siblings to band together after Damian comes along, lets get those abandonment issues in the party. 

So, for mysterious and very secret TimKon Week 2021 reasons, I was rereading some Teen Titans, and I stumbled over the Original Tim+Jason First Meeting, and I just sort of wanted to talk about some interesting things I found in there rereading it after several years. 

First thing right off the bat, when reading fics, normally it’s either the Core Four at the tower that Jason puts to sleep, or it’s Tim alone for the night. In the comic, none of Tim’s close friends are even at the tower, Jason waits for Bart and Cassie to leave, and Conner actually hasn’t come around for an in-universe month, because this is after the Superboy’s Birthright arc where Lex mind controls Conner. 

The people Jason knocks out were his own teammates when he was a Titan. He specifically says he never got to work with Beast Boy or Cyborg directly, so he doesn’t feel bad electrocuting them, but he feels bad putting Raven under much more gently because she used to worry for him. 

Tim has just gotten off the phone with Bruce when Jason shows up. It seems like Bruce might’ve been picking Tim up, but something’s come up with Martian Manhunter going missing, so Tim tells him he’ll catch a ride with Cyborg. 

This is actually really interesting to me, because it’s a small moment of Bruce letting Tim down. It’s a conversation he’s probably had with his biological father many times when Jack’s canceled on him. 

Gonna acknowledge this abomination real quick. This is So Stupid, and I’m glad as a fandom we just all agreed Jason didn’t do this. It makes me ask so many questions. Where did he get that oversized Robin costume? Why’d he tear off his perfectly good clothes? Why did he do this? Why the yellow tights? WHY? 

A lot of things are actually happening here that are actually Really Interesting if you just look past the stupid fucking outfit. Because this comic actually flew really close to greatness, they just ended up dropping the ball by not continuing to do more with it. 

First off, Jason doesn’t beat around the bush. He’s immediately like “yeah, yeah, yeah, Red Hood, whatever, I’m Jason Todd, bitch! Fight me.” 

Secondly, Jason’s done his homework. He knows A LOT about Tim. He knows his name, he knows he has a dad, he knows he went to prep school, and he knows the story of how Tim became Robin. How he GOT that last bit of information, I’d honestly like to know. But even HAVING the information isn’t enough; he’s still letting his preconceived ideas get in the way. The surface level information about Tim’s life only served to fuel his jealousy and anger (thanks, Lazerus Pitt!). He’s so focused on Tim’s privilege that he’s looked past evidence of hardship; if he’s done this much research on Tim, he’s no doubt seen records of multiple boarding schools, lengthy travel records, news reports, a death certificate.... He can’t even bring himself to BELIEVE parts of Tim’s story that aren’t lining up with his world view, like HOW he became Robin. 

Jason has convinced himself that what he’s discovered about Tim and the period of time when Jason was dead - the fact that Bruce was spiraling after his death, that his family mourned him, that Tim had to step up to the plate at a weird suicide prevention buddy system - is all a lie. Despite the fact that he’s beating Tim’s ass, he speaks to him with the assumption that Tim’s a child who’s been manipulated and lied to. 

Meanwhile, it must be SO PAINFUL for Tim to hear Jason say these things: I bet he said the same thing to you he said to me, didn’t he? That you have the talent to make a difference in Gotham. That he needed someone he could trust in his war on crime. That you were one of a kind. The light in his darkness.

Bruce never said any of that to Tim. Bruce rejected Tim, he didn’t want Tim, and begrudgingly accepted Tim. 

Going back to Jason waiting for Tim’s other young teen friends to leave the tower before going in, only drugging his own former teammates, is much of his anger seems directed at THEM, not just Bruce. To Jason, it looks like they didn’t mourn him either, he has no statue. I find it interesting that he smashes Donna Troy’s statue, who died after him, and I believe she came back before he did. 

Unless he was keeping track of the news from the League of Assassins, to Jason, Donna never died. 

And most importantly? Tim shuts Jason down. Tim “Bitch, Please” Drake out here like: you’re a fucking idiot, he loved you to death, he barely let me audition for the role. 

Tim shows some deep resentment towards Jason in this scene. I mean... earned, Jason literally came into his house and starting hitting him, but Tim’s relationship towards the Idea Of Jason has gone through a few changes. At first Jason was ROBIN! THE BOY WONDER! And if maybe Tim thought Bruce wasn’t AS happy with Jason as he was with Dick, there was still SOME hero worship early on. But it only takes Bruce and Alfred and Dick using Jason’s death as a cautionary tale a few times to get Tim to see Jason AS a cautionary tale - the kind of Robin NOT to be. But the more Tim craved Bruce’s paternal attention and approval, and the more Bruce withheld it or made Tim work for it, knowing that Bruce did that, in part, because of his love and grief for his dead son (Tim having an actual living breathing father plays a part, too), and those feelings towards Jason have started to fester.

Jason can’t let it go, though, he thinks the concept of Robin was a mistake and had always been a mistake, and if he can hurt Tim, so can Scarecrow, Penguin, The Joker. 

This is a good time to bring up that one thing I think Jason probably doesn’t know is Tim is injured. It is a little over a month since since Conner shattered Tim’s right arm. Tim is still healing from a comminuted fracture in his forearm. And looking at this picture that is - ah, yes, that is the injured arm Jason is swinging Tim by. Tim is probably healed by now, the cast IS off and he’s a child, but bones don’t fully return to full strength for 3-6 months. 

Jason is conflicted. This is clearly, in part, a fucked up way of “protecting” what he sees as a manipulated child, to convince him to leave Bruce. But there’s also clearly some deep, deep jealousy thrown into the mix to complicate matters and cloud his judgement. Ultimately, Jason isn’t there to kill Tim. Tim would be dead if he was. He’s there to “beat some sense into him,” and he ultimately fails, and fails badly. 

Tim is found by the older Titans, awake by now, though it seems Jason knocked him out to, uh, fuck with the memorial chamber, and Tim... does not beat around the bush. No secret identities here just “yeah, Jason Todd beat the shit out of me.” 

And their reactions are HILARIOUS. 

One more little sidebar, in the comic, Jason gets in with a D.N.A. check that never removed him from its permissions. Usually in fic this is a unique pass code. I’m not sure which version I like better, honestly. There’s something about Jason physically inputting a code that accepts him even though he’s supposedly dead that I really like, and just feels better than a dna scan. A dna scan sounds SAFER, sure, but there’s something about the Titans leaving in an honest SECURITY RISK out of sentiment that I like. 

Lastly, I really like how it ends. Jason honestly thinks Tim IS a good Robin, and it seems like Jason’s done some research on the core four, mentioning Tim’s “real friends” again while the “camera” is on Conner and Cassie, suggesting that Jason KNOWS about them and possibly that targeting the tower while they were gone maybe wasn’t an accident or out of convenience, but fully intentional. And again, Jason’s real problem is highlighted: he feels alone, forgotten, unmemorable, no family, no friends. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. 

[allegra-writes]

I’ve been meaning to write this since I first found your Hopeless Romantic series, and with the newest chapter I just absolutely have to tell you how deeply this story has shaken me to the core.

Billy as Jigsaw was always meant to be problematic but you’ve written him into a story where he isn’t the villain in quotes but something more. Beloved monster comes to mind, and yet I feel that the goal of the story wasn’t to romanticize the monster in him — rather have us question the whole dynamic of love (or what we think is love) and monsters (or what we think are monsters.)

Your story plays the fine balance between questionable motivations and unquestionable passions… and I like how it lets the reader decide which side to take. Billy isn’t sainted or sanitized, Y/N’s inner turmoil about him isn’t blind to his crimes and in fact holds him accountable; but she also sees him for more than the atrocities he’s committed. If she loves him, she isn’t being a fool; but the writing won’t explain that easily away. Your story goads the reader into thinking of how much knowing the fractured fraction of the man weighs against the beast he’s become.

I am utterly riveted by this series which also breaks my heart with lines like, “You feel like fucking Valhalla.” The betrayal is raw, and yet so is hope.

Will be eagerly, eagerly awaiting the next chapter. Cheers and all the very best to you.

I had tears in my eyes while reading this because this is exactly what I wanted to transmit, almost word by word. One of the reasons I fell in love with darkfic, or rather, the darkfic community here on Tumblr, is that, contrary than popular belief, they don't romanticised their villains. Them being hot doesn't diminish their crimes, if anything, it only makes them more terrible. Because beauty and charm is another weapon they know exactly how to wield.

No, they're very much villains, they're evil, their monsters. But in a more human way, they're not caricatures of everything wicked that you can't relate to or relate them to real people in the real world. They're scarier because we know them, we have met them, in the news or some of us even had the misfortune of crossing paths with them. But exactly because of that, because they're human, they are not only the monstrous acts they commit. Am I saying they are redeemable? Am I saying they deserve to be saved? No.

I am saying that, when you get too close to them, sometimes, just sometimes, it's difficult to remember the terrible acts they committed, because that's not everything they do.

Billy Russo is a Narcissist. Almost a textbook one in the show. And well, I happen to have some experience with those in real life. Narcissists can be oh so charming, so dotting, so manipulative... I'm not even saying their feelings aren't genuine, but they definitely know how to use them to their advantage. Billy probably could and would give the Reader the life he promises her, doing everything to make her happy and spoiling her rotten, all the better to tie her to him. A narcissist wants nothing more than being the only source of happiness in your life, your stability, your provider. It's all part of the trap, so you never leave them, so if one day you do, you find yourself alone in the world with no choice but to crawl back to them. There is a line that David Bowie says in the movie Labyrinth, "Fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave" that's exactly what a narcissist is and that was my main inspiration for this Billy's dynamic with the Reader.

Now, she isn't the usual preferred victim of a narcissist: She is experienced, fiercely independent, with iron strong connections and relationships in her life, with some psychology training, as a nurse or as an army medical personnel I let that to the readers' imaginations, so, on an intellectual level, she kind of can see Billy's MO. Does it stop her from walking straight into his trap? Well...

How many times do we know someone we're attracted to is problematic yet we ignore the warnings? How many times do we see the red flags and walk straight through them? How many times do we know the person we're falling for could probably annihilate us... But we go for it anyway? Maybe you're smarter or have better survival instincts than me. But if you're anything like me, or Halsey (just read the lyrics to "Graveyard"), or Taylor Swift (read what she has to say about her song "Treacherous") or Leigh Bardugho (her whole grisha trilogy), chances are you will look at the red flags and wave them as you pass them by at least once in your life. Some people are mad at Leigh because in her book "Shadow and Bone" there wasn't a big villain reveal for the Darkling: Her Alina never trust the Darkling so she wasn't surprised when he turned out to be the villain. Yet that didn't stop her, in the meantime, to start a relationship with him. That for me was the most realistic part of her characterization.

But she did fail in making the Darkling little more than a stereotyped, caricature villain, and that's exactly the template I used on what to avoid with this Billy.

Does this mean this story is a cautionary tale? Hardly. What I'm trying to avoid is exactly what she did at lecturing the readers. I would love my readers to take a message out of his series, tho, and that message is that they're not being judged and they are NOT ALONE, wether they've had some experience with real life narcissistic people or are just going through this journey with Y/N and feel as conflicted as her.

Thank you so much for sending this thoughtful ask, if this series totally flops, it would still be worth it to know it reached one person in this way💖💖💖

[borisbubbles]

My favourite Dorian Quotes

Just as an addendum, since my previous didn’t exactly put across the hilarity of Dorian, here are my favourite quotes/conversations/reactions by Dorian Pavus in Dragon Age 3.  Edit 22/01: added a few more because Dorian just keeps giving.  60.  Dorian: Come on Varric, just answer the question. 😣 Varric: My mother didn’t raise any morons, Sparkler. 🙄 Dorian: But you must have an opinion! And you’re a Dwarf! Completely unbiased. Varric: There is no way I’ll answer “Which Inquisition Mage is the best dressed?”, not for all the gold in Orzammar. Vivienne: Also, the answer is obvious. 🙂 59. Dorian: So what's your estimation, Varric? Think we could win? Varric: 😱 You aren't asking me to give odds on our beloved Inquisitor's success?! 😛 Dorian: What would that look like? Three to one? 🤣 Varric: In his favor?  Dorian: After Corypheus pulled an archdemon out of his arse, are you joking? Inquisitor: You would actually bet against me?  Dorian: Now now, if I weren't here, it would be five to one at least. 😘 Inquisitor: I’ll take those odds, actually. 😏 Dorian: This is why I adore him so.  😍 58.  Cassandra: So Bull, about Dorian... Iron Bull: Yep, it’s true. 😁 Dorian: By all means, let’s discuss this all together. 🙄 Cassandra: If you’re both pleased Dorian: He’s happy, I’m happy, everybody’s happy!  Iron Bull: Awww, you’re happy. 😍 Dorian: 😣 Cassandra: 😄 57. You joke! they’ll be writing books about you, boring ones that will get it all wrong. Just you wait!   56.  Iron Bull: Yesss, we’re going to fight the dragon, boss? Oh THIS is gonna be GOOD.  Dorian: You are way too excited about this. 😑

55.  Blackwall: How do you get your hair to do that, Dorian? With magic? Dorian: With proper hygiene and grooming. Maybe the three of you should get acquainted. 🙄 54.  Cole: You’re happier now, Dorian Dorian: Oh is that what this light tingly feeling is? I suppose you’re right. 😏  Cole: Wishing but wondering, wounded and whistful Cole: What if he doesn’t want me after? Dorian: But he did. 😁 Cole: Now you’re smiling. It’s good.  😃 53. Varric: Does this shit make any sense to you? Dorian: Are you referring to the giant gaping hole in the sky, or the creature from a Chantry cautionary tale pretending to be a god? Varric: Either. I’m feeling generous. Dorian: What’s the matter? Some pretender comes along, tears the place down, declares himself king. That’s half of history. Varric: Corypheus is like that drunk uncle who refuses to leave the party? Dorian: Even after he puts a hole in the ceiling. Terribly common.  52.  Sera: You gonna warn me the next time you’re throwing your magic around? Dorian: As long as you’re careful where you shoot all those arrows Sera: You magic me, I’ll put three in your eye! Dorian: 😅 Now we can live together in peace and harmony!  51. Vivienne: Dorian, what did you think of little Sera’s last Red Jenny mission? Dorian: Hmm... I’d call it ‘medium’. 🤔 Vivienne: ‘Medium’, my dear? Dorian: It wasn’t rare, and it certainly wasn’t well done. 😏 50. Cole: Dorian, what is 'a slave'?  Dorian: FESTISBEIUMOCANAVERUM! 😨 Cole: You said I could ask questions! Dorian: I know I did, just... go ask the Inquisitor that one. 49. An optimist! 🤣  such a rare breed, I have stumbled upon a unicorn. 48. Dorian: What I wouldn't give for some proper wine.😫 Vivienne: Skyhold's steward is a sadistic little man who is trying to kill us. 🤢 Dorian: Perhaps he found a bargain he couldn't pass up, on vats of vinegar? 47. Cassandra: Why are you looking at me like that, Dorian? Dorian: I am trying to imagine what you would look like... in a dress.😈 Cassandra: Keep wondering. If my uncle couldn't put me in one, neither shall you. 46. Dorian: How do you want to be remembered, Cassandra? Valiant yet sexy rebel against the status quo? Cassandra: I don't have any control over how I'll be remembered. 🙄 Dorian: Sword raised high, blue scarf dramatically fluttering in the wind, sun rising behind you? Cassandra: Blue scarf?😒 Why would I be wearing such a thing? Dorian: It's a painting, of course! Work with me( It'll be fantastic! 🤗 45. Dorian: Why is it so cold? How do you southerners stand it? Iron Bull: What's the matter? Not enough slaves around to rub your footsies? Dorian: My ‘footsies’ are freezing, thank you! 😒 44.  Blackwall: Dorian, I’d appreciate it if you stopped refering to me as ‘that hairy lummox”.  😠 Dorian: When did I do that? Blackwall: At the tavern, the blacksmith’s, the stable. You said it to the gateguards when we left Skyhold! Dorian: hmm... 🤔 yes, that does sound like me.   🤗 43. Dorian: Watch out where you point that thing! 😡 Iron Bull: Dirty! 😏 Dorian: Vishante kaffas, I meant your weapon! 😡 42. Dorian: What would you say Blackwall's best feature is, Vivienne? Vivienne: His absence, of course. 🙄 Blackwall: I can hear both of you. 😒 41. Dorian: Did you know we are actually related Inquisitor? Inquisitor: We, what? Dorian: Not first cousins or anything. Can you imagine?  Dorian: I however did a bit of digging in my family tree, and somewhere down the netheregions of my line there was also a Trevelyan. Dorian: Perhaps the one who went to Ostwick to establish the branch? I knew we looked so alike for a reason. 😏 Inquisitor: Um, yay?  Dorian: Indeed! 😁 Yay! 40. I’m always nice. 😏 39. Dorian: I don't know if you've heard, but the rumours are that you and I are... intimate. Inquisitor: That's not such a bad thing, isn't it? Dorian: I don't know, is it? Inquisitor: Do you always answer a question with a question? Dorian: Perhaps you would like me to answer in a different fashion? 🤔 Inquisitor:  If you're capable. 😅 Dorian: 😘🥰😚 Dorian: 'If you're capable.' The nonsense you speak. 🤭 38. Dorian: You caught the eye of a young woman in that last village, Blackwall. Blackwall: I'm sure you're mistaken. 😒 Dorian: You're right. She was undoubtedly looking at me.🤭 37. Dorian: Vivienne, I have only the one question - why the Orlesian fixation with masks? Vivienne: It is The Game, darling. You never show the players your true visage. Dorian: A strange custom in a culture where people assassinate each other for putting too much salt in the soup Vivienne: An extra hurdle to be overcome. Fail at The Game, and you die. Dorian: And you people call Tevinter barbaric. 🙄 36. Dorian: You are smiling a great deal these days, Cassandra. 😉 Cassandra: I am not... smiling. 😒 Dorian: Now you're not, but only because I pointed it out to you. Cassandra: I am not a giddy schoolgirl! 😡 Dorian: That would have been easier to believe if you hadn't just blushed. 🤗 35. You’ll be surprised at the credit my tongue gets me, your Reverence.  34. Dorian: Sera, I see you are having fun with your illustruous paramour- Sera: WHAT? 😨 Is it showin'? Dorian: What? NO, oh heavens NO. 🤢 Dorian: I meant to ask if you're enjoying your new relationship. Sera: Then why not just say that? 🙄 Dorian: I did... in words you apparently don't understand. 😑 Sera: What's the point of words you know and others don't? Who'd you say them to? 🙄 Dorian: Letmejustdobothofusafavorandretractthequestion. 😡 Sera: Pity, because we're doing great. That's why I'm following her around with weirdies 🤗 33. It was fun to goad you, Cassandra. You get that knot between your eyes when you're flustered - Ah, look, there it is! Delightful!  🤗 32. Dorian: I half expect my mother to materialize from the crowd to criticise my manners. Inquisitor: Where would we be if you mother we really here? Dorian: Short one mage, after he's been dragged out by his earlobe. Inquisitor: I have a hard deal imagining that. 😅 Dorian: Picture me a young boy of five years then. She certainly always has. 🙄 31. Dorian: 'Official Mage to the Orlesian Court'. Well that sounds exciting. 🙄 Vivienne: It's an esteemed position, darling. One many mages should envy. Dorian: Yes, I suppose being paraded around like an exotic peacock is better than frantically running from templars. 🙃 Vivienne: Better an exotic peacock than one Tevinter rat amongst many. Dorian: Oh? A dig at my homeland? This should be fun. 😏 30. Sera: Dorian? Those words you say. What do they mean? Dorian: What, you mean like mendicant or ultimatum? 🤨 Sera: No, arse, when you're mad. 'Pish-anty cough-ass'. You're swearing, I know it. Dorian: Ah, 'vishante kaffas'. It's Tevene, relics of the old tongue. We still use the colorful phrases. Sera: And it means what? Dorian: Literally? 😏  'You shit on my tongue.' Sera: 😂 Why not just say that?  Dorian: A mystery for the ages.  29. Sera: Demons! Flappy robes! Dorian: Thieves! Dog Stink! Sera: Culty shits! Dorian: Treacherous teyrns! Sera: Wha- It’s not a proper game of ‘Your people are shit” if you just make up words. 🙄 Dorian: A ‘teyrn’ is a Fereldan title, just below that of a king. I thought you of all people would know that. Sera: Well that’s just... I... smartasses 🤬 Dorian: Too late! I believe that’s my round. 🤗 Sera: Piss! 😠 28.  Vivienne: You’re rather amusing, Dorian. Dorian: Your outfit’s entertaining, I’ll give it that.🙄 Vivienne: Pretending to be a shark from a land of sharks. But you’re not a shark and you’ll never be one, darling. They knew this as much as we do.   Dorian: I could have of course pretended, wore fancy clothes, convinced everyone I’m something I’m not.  Dorian: Then I could take a position at court, whore myself out, and desperately hope no one realizes what a fraud I am.  Vivienne: Such snapping for a fish without teeth! 😂 Inquisitor: I cannot believe the way you two speak to each other. 😨 Vivienne: Inquisitor whatever is the matter? We’re having a perfectly civil conversation. Dorian: It’s true. I’ve heard worse from the gardener back home.  27.   Dorian: Varric, you owe me five royals. I’d like them paid in candied dates. 😉 Varric: I haven’t lost that bet yet, Sparkler. Dorian: You said we would be arse-deep in trouble. This is more like knee-high. Varric: I didn’t specify whose ass, did I? 😏 Dorian: Leave it to a dwarf always lowering the bar. 🙄 26. I hope you tried the ham they were serving, by the way. Tasted of despair. Fascinating. 25. Dorian: Vivienne, we can continue this dance forever if you like. Vivienne: Certainly. Provided both of us are capable. Dorian: I mock Orlesian frippery and nonsense, you slam Tevinter decadence and tyrrany. Dorian: There's however something more important we must remember. Vivienne: And what might that just be? 🤨 Dorian: At least we're not Antivan. Vivienne: 🤢 Quite right. Thank the Maker. 🙏 24. Cassandra: You're not as handsome as you think, Dorian. Dorian: Ah, but I must be! Or you wouldn't have been thinking about it all this time.  😏 Cassandra: Anyone who claims it as often as you must be dreadfully concerned they're not. Dorian: Look at this profile - Isn't it incredible? Dorian: I picture it in marble. 😏 Cassandra: 😒 23. Flying cows over Minrathous? Preposterous! Okay that one is actually true, but the cows didn't have wings. 22. Dorian: I have only one question, Sera: did you cut your own hair?  Sera: Yeah. Why wouldn't I? 🙄 Dorian: You could try using something other than a rusty butter knife. Sera: Oh, excuse me while I dig up my diamond-studded hair-cutting whatevers. 🙄 Dorian: Scissors. 😏 The word you're looking for is "scissors." 😏 21. Iron Bull: Quite the stink-eye you've got going, Dorian. Dorian: You stand there, flexing your muscles, huffing like some beast of burden with no thought save conquest. 😡 Iron Bull: That's right. These big muscled hands could tear those robes off while you struggled, helpless in my grip. Iron Bull: I'd pin you down, and as you gripped my horns. Iron Bull: I. Would. Conquer. You. 😏 Dorian: Uh. What? 😨 Iron Bull: Oh. Is that not where we're going? 🤐 Dorian: No. It was very much not.😳 20. You can't call me pampered, Varric. 🙄 Nobody has peeled a grape for me in weeks. 19. Sera: Dorian are you going to warn me the next time you bust out in demons or sumthin? Dorian: 😂 How exactly do you picture me 'busting out’? Dorian: I am just walking along and *OOPS* - demon? Dorian: I mean it could happen, after years of training. You could also trip and impale your eye on an arrow. 😏 Sera: So are you going to warn me or not? 🙄 Dorian: Certainly. But only because you're so dear to me. 😘 18. Dorian: For being so unnerved by magic, you aren't shy about benefiting from its effects.🤔 Sera: I don't. I use normal things, not magic. 🙄 Dorian: You consider swathing yourself in flame or ice 'normal' and 'not magic'? 🤨 Sera: For one: it comes out a bottle. Sera: For two: I mess up, I get burned. You mess up, your head chucks up a demon. Sera: For three: Bottle, little burned, no demons. So there. 🤗 Dorian: That was only... you know, if it lets you sleep at night, never mind. 😒 17. Festis bei umo canaverum! I swear, if you don't come through this, I will kill you. 😖 16. Dorian: The first time I entered the Fade it looked like a lovely castle full of silks and gold. 😍 Dorian: I met a marvellous desire demon as I recall. We chatted and ate grapes before he tried to possess me. 😇   Vivienne: 🙄😒😠😡🤬 Dorian: Yes? I hear your southern Harrowings are slightly more strenuous. 😏 15. What do they call this place? A "bog"? Lovely word for it.  🙄 14. Dorian: Solas, what is this whole look of yours about? Solas: I am sorry? 🙄 Dorian: No, that outfit is sorry.😷 What are you supposed to be, some sort of woodsman? Dorian: Isn't that a Dalish thing? Don't you dislike the Dalish? Or is it some sort of statement? Solas: No. 😠 Dorian: Well, it says "Apostate hobo" to me. 😏 Vivienne: Unwashed apostate hobo, more specifically. 🙂 13. I AM TOO PRETTY TO DIE 😭 12. Dorian: Amatus, it's been so long. Did you miss me? Inquisitor: A little bit. Dorian:  😂 'a little bit' he says. I'll show you a little bit! Just you wait. 😏 11. Dorian: Sera, where do you get your arrows from? You have so many. 🤔 Sera: From your arse. That's where. 🙄  Dorian: My arse should open up a shop. It's apparently quite prolific. 😁 10. Ah, this reminds me of the time Mother took me boating in summer. Or rather, she had the servants take me on the boat while she sat inside with a cool drink.🙄  09. Inquisitor: Things are going well with the Bull, I take it? Dorian: He's glad I've returned, if that's what you mean. Nearly crushed three of my ribs with that ridiculous hug. 🙄 Inquisitor: You say that as if you don't like it. 🤨 Dorian: For such a great beast, he can be such a terrible sap 🙄 Dorian: [bullvoice] "I want to talk about my feelings, Dorian". Dorian: Ugh. 🙄 Inquisitor: 😂 you do like it Dorian: Quiet you! He'll overhear, and then where I'll be?🤫 08. Dorian: Sera, I cannot believe you, of all people, are scared of magic. Surely you can see nothing wrong with a properly used tool? Sera: What about all the mages waving their proper tools in people's faces? Dorian: There's an image. 😁 Sera: "What about Corfyface? How many proper tools does he have under him? Dorian: That's not... I don't think I can continue. 😬 Sera: I don't care how gifted you are, don't cram it where it's not wanted. 😡 Vivienne: Maker, how does she not know? 🙄 07. Just once we should enter a cave and see normal sized spiders. 🙄 06. Cassandra: After all the places we have been, I hardly expected us to find ourselves in another cave. Cassandra: Still, as mad as our lives had been, I would take any chance to be together.  😘 Dorian: Why seeker, after all these years, I never realized you felt this way!! Cassandra: ... Dorian: ... Cassandra: 😒 Dorian: Oh, you meant him. 😶 05. Mountains! 😠 Cold! 😠 "Let's bring Dorian!". 😒 04. Dorian: I heard a little rumour that somebody has been doing some training. As an assassin no less. Inquisitor: I thought the skills might come in handy. Dorian: Yes, I suppose a little flair is welcome, with all the killing you do. Inquisitor: I don't kill that many people. 🙄  Dorian: Are you joking? I'm only surprised you didn't kill someone walking over here. 🤨 03. Cole: Breath painful, stabbing, and then real stabbing, lungs full, frothing, scent of apples as it all goes black. Dorian: 'Death By Applepie' - A lovely poem by our dear friend Cole.  02. Blackwall: Corypheus, one of yours isn't he? Dorian: One of my mine? 🙄  Like a pet? 🙄 Like a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood? 🙄 Dorian: "Dorian, why can't you look after your little friends. Corypheus peed on the carpet again". Dorian: In this analogy, 'the carpet' is Haven. 😏 Blackwall: Is he or isn't he a Tevinter magister? 😒 Dorian: Meaning 'the source of everything bad in the world'? They are the same, yes? 😑 Blackwall: Sigh. Feels that way at times. 🙄 01. Inquisitor: No matter what happens, I wouldn't trade the years I spent with you for anything. Inquisitor: I love you. Dorian: I knew you'd break my heart, you bloody bastard. 😭

[riftenwriter]

Birdcage

Pairing: Xiao x reader CW: Reader dies at the end Word count: ~2000

“Just wishing that I could be like these birds someday.” “And that is?” “Free.”

Loosely based off the legend of Oisin in tir na nog 

You meet Xiao when your father brings him into your home. 

You’re sitting at the dining table when your father comes into the house after having been away for two months. As you race to greet him you stop as you notice the man beside him. He isn’t anyone you had seen before, and he doesn’t look like he is from Liyue Harbor. Your father is quick to tell you how the Yaksha saved his life when he was returning from Mondstadt and Xiao had been helpless to stop your father bringing him back to your house to thank him properly and to allow you and your mother to know who helped your father return safely. 

You couldn’t stop yourself staring at Xiao, you feel your cheeks start to warm when he notices your gaze causing you to look at your feet. You fall in love at first sight and can barely say your name causing your father to introduce you instead. 

The adeptus is unsure what he feels when he sees you for the first time, and when he notices your gaze he can’t help but wonder if this is what falling in love means. The journey here was spent listening to your father speak about you, his only child, and yet seeing you is very different. The way the light hits you is beautiful and he cannot imagine going back to Jueyun Karst without you. 

A couple days after your father’s return home, you and Xiao are sitting in your garden. You're attentively listening to his stories about his home of Jueyun Karst and the other adepti. Halfway through his current story you turn your gaze away from the Yaksha and instead turn your attention to the sky. Watching as the birds fly above you, their bodies dancing along the wind as they weave throughout the sky. Watching them hurts, unlike you they are free to go where they want whereas you had never left the town you grew up in. Not able to due to your status as the only child of your parents. Xiao notices the change in your mood and stops his story. He decides to ask what you’re thinking about instead, as he can’t bear to see you sad. 

“Oh I’m just wishing that I could be like these birds someday.” you muse. Your statement confuses Xiao.

“And that is?” he asks. 

“Free.” you reply, your eyes still fixed on the birds above you. The two of you sit in silence until Xiao speaks. 

“Come with me.” 

“What?” His words confuse you. Go with him where, didn’t he know you couldn’t leave the town of Liyue Harbor. 

“Come with me,” he repeats, this time gently grabbing your face turning it so you are looking at him, “Back to Jueyun Karst.” 

You immediately say yes. This is your chance to leave Liyue Harbor and the past few days with Xiao made you fall even more in love with him. However what you didn’t know is that you would be swapping one gilded birdcage for another. 

----

The next day the two of you leave for Jueyun Karst on the back of a white horse that will ensure your safe passage into the realm of the Adepti. 

Your parents didn’t want to see you go, their only child but they had seen how happy Xiao had made you the past few days. So they decided that they would let you go with him as your happiness was always their highest priority. 

Before the two of you set off, on the back of the white horse, you reassure your parents that you would return to see them again when you are able to, but what you don’t see is the look of pain on Xiao’s face when you say this. He knows that time in Liyue and Jueyun Karst move differently but he can’t find the words to tell you. 

As the horse approaches the border between the two worlds, you can’t help but worry about going to Jueyun Karst. The stories your mother would tell you as a child warning you about the realm of the adepti, echo in the back of your head. The stories about what happens to humans that go near their realm. How they are never able to return the same way, but whenever she had told you these cautionary tales she would never finish them because halfway through you would be hugging her tightly, sobbing as you told her that you would never go near Jueyun Karst. 

Yet you are going to Jueyun Karst, but unlike the stories you are with someone you love with all your heart. This doesn’t completely stop you worrying as much as you are hoping. 

“Xiao?” you hesitantly ask. He hums in response. “Are you sure it will be safe?” 

He lightly laughs, “Of course.” 

You hum, happy with his response. His words comfort you. You pull yourself closer to him and rest your head on his shoulder as the two of you cross over into the world of the Adepti. 

Words can not describe the beauty you see before you. You knew of the beauty that the realm of the Adepti was said to possess but those stories pale in comparison to the real thing. The evening sun dances across the water which is reflecting the purple and oranges hues of the sky. The golden trees sway gently in the breeze, their leaves rustling as the wind sings around you. You are in awe of the nature before you. Xiao chuckled to himself at your childlike wonder as you look at the land before the two of you. 

“Welcome home.” the adeptus gently says as the two of you travel further into Jueyun Karst. 

----

The first time you bring up your home of Liyue Harbor is after your sixth month of living in the land of beauty and happiness. The past six months had been filled with nothing but happiness as you got used to living with Xiao in Jueyun Karst. Until you realise you no longer remember the smell of Qingxin flowers or how your parents look. However when you bring this up to Xiao, he gently shakes his head and brings you into an embrace. You don’t ask about Liyue again until three years later. 

“Xiao,” you gently whisper to the Yaksha ask across from you. “I was wondering if I could see my family back in Liyue harbour.”

“Not this again.” he sighs, his face showing how much he hates this conversation. 

“It doesn’t even have to be my family, if I could just see the town.” your voice pleading with him to let you see your home.

“My answer is still no. Aren’t you happy here?” 

“I.” you pause, of course you were happy here. Jueyun Karst is the place where the adepti feel no sadness and never age but you are not an adeptus. You still feel some sadness at the memory of you leaving Liyue, not having seen your family or friends in almost three years. 

Xiao shakes his head, as if he knows what you are thinking. Unlike you, Xiao knows that time works differently in Jueyun Karst to Liyue and he didn’t know how to tell you that Liyue Harbour would not be the one you once knew. That your family and friends are long dead. 

A couple days later Xiao comes to you with the white horse behind him. He tells you that you can go and visit Liyue if you ride the horse. You couldn’t hold back your happiness and hug Xiao in a tight embrace. You love Xiao with all of your heart but the prospect of seeing your hometown and family again is something you’ve wanted for a while. 

As you go to mount the white horse, Xiao stops you and pulls you into a tight embrace. One which he has no intention of letting you leave.

“Y/N. Don’t let your feet touch Liyue. I want you to come back to me.” he whispers into your ear, his voice full of concern for your safety. After a couple minutes of being in his arms he lets you mount the horse. Before you leave you gently touch your forehead to his. Xiao watches as you ride across Jueyun Karst. He can’t help but wonder if you are going to return to him or not. Or if the three hundred years you had been away from Liyue causes you to never want to face him again. Even though he is a Yaksha and one of the Adepti he can do nothing but wait for you to return. 

This isn’t the Liyue you remembered. Of course it is still Liyue but the town you grew up in was no more. Instead it is now a bustling port, having grown in size that is more fitting of a city than a town. You furrow your brow as your horse reaches the bridge, the more your confusion with the surroundings grows. The entrance to Liyue Harbor is much grander than you remember, the harbor is filled with more boats than you had ever seen. 

‘How could so much change in just three years’ you think to yourself. ‘It has been three years right?’ You shake your head trying to forget these thoughts. You knew Xiao would’ve told you if it wasn’t three years. 

You decide to ask one of the guards standing by the bridge where to find your family’s shop, hoping that you could find more answers there. 

“I’m sorry miss but there is no business with that name here. Hasn’t been for a while.” he replied. You can’t stop yourself from visibly showing your shock at his response. Just how long had it been since you left here? You thank the guard and turn your horse to leave, resolving to return to Jueyun Karst, wishing you had never asked to see Liyue Harbor or your family. As you are leaving you catch the guard muttering to himself. 

“Isn’t that the business mentioned in the story my grandmother would tell me growing up. Something about their only child leaving, three hundred years ago? I wonder.” 

You cannot believe what you are hearing from the guard. Three hundred years? Had it truly been that long since you left Liyue Harbor to go to Jueyun Karst. A small part of you wants to ask the guard to tell you that story but you just want to return back to Xiao. To get away from here and back to the one you love. 

But fate has another path in store for you. 

While you are riding back to the realm of the adepti, you notice a single qingxin flower on a small cliff edge above you. The same flowers your family would have in your house, the same smell of the perfume your mother had worn. ‘If I can reach it, I can have a small piece of home with me when I return to Xiao.’ you resolve yourself to act before fully thinking it through.

As you reach up to pick up the flower, your balance shifts. 

Your feet touch the ground before you could act to stop yourself. 

You try desperately to return to the horse but it is too late. The last three hundred years catch up to you before you could even raise your hand to touch the horse. Your hand falls through the horse, no longer able to touch it as the adepti energy that once allowed you to was broken as soon as your feet touched Liyue soil. 

Yet as you feel yourself fading away into dust, you look up at the sky and see the same birds you were once so jealous of. The birds weaving through the sky as they dance along the wind. These birds will be the last thing you see before dying and you think to yourself.

 ‘Is this the cost of freedom?’

[afeatherinthewind]

Reminder that there is a separation between content creators' public personas and their real selves (from u/berkeleynoob)

((This is not my post, it is originally from reddit u/berkeleynoob but I got permission to repost as I know a lot of younger Dream SMP fans are on Tumblr and Twitter)) --- This was originally a comment I made on another post, but two people pm-ed me and told me it would be a good standalone post so I decided to expand on it a little. Given the amount of new (young) fans there are, I thought it might be a timely reminder.

The different levels of personas:

I'm using Tommy as an example here because that was what the original post I responded to was about. There are at least three levels to Tommy (and probably most content creators in the DSMP as well). There's c!Tommy, the character he plays on the Dream SMP. Then there's the public TommyInnit profile that he portrays on Youtube and social media (e.g. Twitter). Then there's the real Tommy, who we as the audience obviously aren't privy to see.

I think most fans are fairly clear that c!Tommy is very different from the real Tommy, and criticism/negative comments about the character are very separate from their opinions about the real Tommy. But I've heard less about differentiating Tommy from the TommyInnit persona that he portrays.

Criticism towards the persona vs towards the person:

There's a reason why Tommy starts every Youtube video with a disclaimer about people finding him annoying. The TommyInnit persona is a fairly polarising one, and I too found it somewhat grating when I first watched him. Even now I take my TommyInnit content with breaks because it can be a bit much after a while. But clearly Tommy knows his audience very well and he knows that the TommyInnit persona appeals to a great deal of people, as evidenced by how he's one of the fastest growing Youtube/Twitch creators and his fanbase is huge.

I think it's valid to have criticism for or to dislike the TommyInnit persona. It's not for everyone, and some people probably do find it annoying. But I don't think any of the audience has any basis upon which to judge the real Tommy since we know so little about him. The closest we got was probably the Eboys podcast, in which Tommy impressed me with his maturity and humility for a 16-year-old kid who skyrocketed in fame less than a year. Even when Techno was complaining to Phil (on stream) about how exhausting it was to stream with c!Tommy, he added something like, "and I mean the character Tommy, because believe it or not, Tommy is a entirely different person off-stream". I've heard nothing about great things about how Tommy is off-stream and there's no doubt he's an incredibly hardworking person.

So even though I don't love c!Tommy and the TommyInnit persona can get a bit much for me sometimes, I have nothing but respect for Tommy the person and how much he's achieved.

This goes for just about every content creator out there. Despite how much of their content you may watch and how well you think you know them, that is still their public persona, not who they really are in normal life. It's valid to pass judgement and have criticism for the personas they portray and how they portray it, but it's unfair to use the personas themselves (e.g. "oh Wilbur was mean to Tommy in non-roleplay video", or "Bad swore in this video so he's a hypocrite") to pass judgement on them as people. As fans and audience members, I think we have to accept that we may never really know much about who they are as real people, and that's fine.

The other side: Why being overly attached to the persona is bad

I'm probably older than a lot of the fans here, and I've been in and out of fandom for over 10 years now. I've lived through the terrible days when fandom was all about LiveJournal, ONTD and Tumblr ("I like your shoelaces"). So I know how easy it can be to get sucked into obsessive fandom and become overly attached to actors/singers/content creators. Here's a cautionary tale to show why you shouldn't make the mistake of thinking you know the content creator just because you're a superfan.

I used to be very involved in the Achievement Hunter (a group of Let's Players) community, I watched them since I was in high school and I enjoyed their content a lot. Roleplay wasn't really a thing and they did a lot of behind-the-scenes type of content (e.g. podcasts, recording random shenanigans in the office) that made it feel like I really knew and liked them as people.

One of my favorites was Ryan Haywood. He was a witty, sarcastic guy who was known as the 'madman' and 'evil mastermind' in the video games they played. He was happily married and had two children at home, and for many years I admired his perfect life and how he had gotten to that position: playing video games for a living and enjoying life with his family.

In 2020, it was revealed that Ryan had been having affairs with several female fans. He had messaged many young fans manipulative and explicit messages and even met up and had sexual relations with some of them. Some of the fans who came out and told their stories testified that they were underage when the affair happened, and they felt pressured into having relations with Ryan. There are a lot of other complicated details that I won't go into here. But this news shocked me and many fans to our core. I didn't want to believe it at first. This was so utterly different to the Ryan Haywood I thought I knew and loved.

TL;DR

That was an extreme example but it's a reminder that we are fans and audience members. We don't know the content creators, regardless of how personable they may be or how much of their life they choose to share with us. Especially for younger fans who may be delving headfirst into a fandom for the first time, it's a wild and fun ride and it's easy to get overly attached or obsessed.

Please use this as a reminder to take a step back and remember that there is a very real wall of separation between TommyInnit and Tommy, between Wilbur Soot and Will, between Tubbo and Toby, between any content creator's public persona and their real self. And similarly, there should be separation between what you feel about a content creator's public persona and the content creator themselves. We know their personas, not them. And that's fine.