#like i think she’s upset she hasn’t seen my niece yet but like she’s two months early

[spocksgotemotions]

today my mom told me she hoped me and my siblings “never have to go through everything she’s dealing with.” and it’s like A) that’s kinda a rude guilt trippy thing to say to your child and B) the big thing she’s “dealing with” right now is MY SISTER RECOVERING FROM AN EMERGENCY C SECTION. MA’AM. Do you hear yourself right now???

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Out Of Time ~ 138

MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 2,485ish

Summary: The hospital keeps monitoring Y/N and Morgan. (Refer to this post on why there’s two chapters today.)

The doctor requested that Morgan be held at least twice a day, cause it seemed to be working. Tony was the only one to have held Morgan so far, but everyone understood. Slowly, three weeks passed by. Morgan was doing better, the wires and tubes slowly not needed anymore. Y/N was a different story on the other hand, and that is why the doctor called Tony into her room to talk alone. Tony was sitting at Y/N’s bedside, holding her hand, as the doctor stood at the edge of the bed.

“After have no apparent decline the last few weeks, I was hopefully that maybe we could prepare to wake Y/N,” the doctor started. “That is why I ordered multiple scans yesterday. I got all the results back this morning.”

“And?” Tony breathed out, extremely nervous. He met Rhodey’s gaze through the blinds before focusing back on the doctor.

“And there has been no decline, but there also has been no improvement. After consulting with multiple people, I have decided to keep Y/N sedated for another 3 weeks. Once those three weeks are over, we will wake her, no matter what, and then see what we are dealing with.”

“How bad is this, doc? Really?”

“Unfortunately this is one of the worst cases I’ve seen. But I have hope. Y/N is strong and has been known to miraculously pull through before. I believe that if anyone can get through this it’s her.”

~~~

“I-I don’t know, Nat,” Steve shook his head. “What if Tony comes in and gets mad? I don’t want to upset him anymore than I have.”

“Just hold her,” Nat urged. “It’s time for her kangaroo care and Tony isn’t here yet. That can only mean… just hold her. She’s your niece.”

Steve looked at Morgan in the incubator before sighing. “Fine. But do I have to take my shirt off?”

“Yes,” both Nat and the female nurse replied quickly. With a huff, Steve pulled off his shirt.

“Now, sit in the rocker and I will bring the baby over,” the nurse ordered. 

Steve nodded as he sat down. He watched, dutifully, as the nurse picked up Morgan and made her way to him. Nervously, he held out his large hands and let the nurse set Morgan in them. Steve listened intently as the nurse instructed him on the do’s and don’ts and helped get Morgan settled against his chest. He was so mesmerized by little Morgan that he didn’t noticed Natasha taking pictures. He gave his niece a little smile as he rocked her. Rhodey walked in not too long later. 

“They’re keeping Y/N sedated for 3 more weeks,” he told them. “She’s hasn’t made any progress, good or bad. They’re going to wake her no matter what, to see what we’re dealing with.”

“How’s Tony taking it?” Natasha asked.

Rhodey shook his head. “Not well. He’s in there right now begging her, and I think God, to make some positive progress, to push through.”

“If she doesn’t… what is this going to do to him?”

“That’s not an option. She has to push through. She has too.”

“Your ma’s going to fight for you, Mo, I know it,” they heard Steve whisper. They turned and watched him. “She’s a fighter, and she would never leave you without putting up one… I was told you enjoy your pa singing to ya. You mind if I try? There’s this song, your ma used to love and constantly sing. I want to give it a try. So bare with me, okay? Okay…”

“Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high,” Steve began to softly sing, fully focused on the babe in his arms. “There’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby. Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue. And the dreams that you dare to dream, really do come true… Someday I’ll wish upon a star, and wake up where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops. Away above the chimney tops, that’s where you’ll find me… Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly. Birds fly over the rainbow, why then, oh why I can’t I? If happy little blue birds fly beyond the rainbow, why, on why can’t I?”

Steve pressed a kiss to Morgan’s head. “You keep fightin’,” he whispered to her. “And your ma will too.”

~~~

“Tony,” Pepper called as she lightly knocked on Y/N’s open door. “I brought you some food.”

“I’m not hungry,” Tony muttered, focused on Y/N’s face.

“You need to eat something.” Pepper slowly came into the room more. 

“What I need is for Y/N to wake up… this is killing me.”

“I know, Tony. But there’s nothing you can do but take care of yourself. If you don’t, how are you going to be able to take care of Y/N when she wakes or take care of Morgan.” Tony sighed, and held his hand out. Pepper quickly handed him the bag of food. “Rhodey told us what the doctor said… I’m so sorry Tony.”

“How’s Morgan today? I know I missed her kangaroo care time.”

“She’s doing well. Natasha got Steve to cover for you.” Tony nodded, taking a bite of his food. “I know that you both have a rocky relationship, but I know Y/N would appreciate you both for trying to work together.”

“She’d get the biggest kick out of seeing us without our shirts on, holding Morgan.”

“She would,” Pepper nodded. “It’s a good thing Natasha’s been taking pictures of it all.”

“Yeah… it just sucks that Y/N’s not here to see it herself…” Pepper put a hand on Tony’s shoulder. “I just want to see her smile and hold Morgan, even if it’s just once… she deserves it especially since—since she never got that with AJ.”

“She’ll get it, Tony… she’ll be able to hold Morgan… she has to.”

~~~

The next three weeks went by extremely slow. But while Y/N was making no progress, Morgan was doing well. Before they knew it, they didn’t have to do kangaroo care with her anymore, which honestly made both Tony and Steve sad. They enjoyed that time bonding with her. Finally, all the wires and tubes were taken off Morgan and she was sleeping in a normal newborn baby bed. She was still in the NICU, being closely monitored, but could be held and visited more. 

Tony was impressing everyone with how quick he was catching on with taking care of a baby. He was currently trying to calm Morgan down. She was wailing in his arms and he couldn’t figure out how to get her calm.

“I know, I know,” he said, gently bouncing her up and down. “You want your momma. I want her too… just please stop crying. Please.” She continued to wail, so he changed her position in his arms. “Come on, hun. Do you want me to start singing? I can do that.”

“Um… oh Morgan, when you smile I am undone, my sun,” Tony began singing, chaining the lyrics. “Like at my sun, pride is not the word I’m looking for. There is so much more inside me now. Oh Morgan, you outshine the morning sun, my sun. When you smile, I fall apart and I thought I was so smart… My father wasn’t around, my father wasn’t around. I swear that I’ll be around for you. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll make a million mistakes. I’ll make the world safe and sound for you. Will com—“

“Tony!” Steve exclaimed, rushing in with Natasha. “They’re waking Y/N right now.”

“What?”

“They’re waking her right now!”

“Here,” Natasha opened her arms, “I’ll take Morgan. You two should be by her side when she wakes.”

“Okay,” Tony nodded. He looked down at Morgan. “I’m going to go check on your momma now, alright?” He gave her a little kiss. “I love you so much, and I’ll see you soon.” He carefully handed her to Nat, looking worried.

“Don’t worry,” Nat gave him a small smile. “I’ll take care of her.”

Tony nodded and gave Morgan on last kiss before running off with Steve. When they reached Y/N’s room, they weren’t allowed to enter. Standing in front of the window, they could see several doctors and nurses jotting notes down and checking up on Y/N.

“She’s going to be okay,” Steve whispered, mainly to herself. “She’s going to be okay.”

Tony moved up closer to the window when he noticed Y/N’s eyes blinking open. Her eyes found his before the doctor caught her attention. The breathing tube was still in her mouth, but Tony couldn’t help but let out a whimper of relief when he saw Y/N nod in answer of the doctor’s question. With tears forming in both of their eyes, Tony and Y/N made eye contact again.

“I’m right here, honey,” Tony comforted through the window, pressing a hand up against it. “I’m right here.” He could see her hand trying to rest on her stomach, eyes afraid. “She’s okay, Y/N. Our daughter’s okay. Morgan’s beautiful.”

~~~

Tony and Steve were told to wait with Morgan or in the waiting room as the doctors ran tests on Y/N. They were both so nervous, but were relieved at the response they had witnessed from Y/N already. They were both in with Morgan, pacing around a small, private room as she slept in a crib. 

“She recognized me,” Tony mumbled, trying not to get too excited. “She recognized me.”

“That means she’s going to be okay, Tony,” Steve replied. “It has to.”

“Yeah… Yeah… you’re right…. I really want to see her.”

“Good,” the doctor came in with a smile, “cause she wants to see you too.”

“How is she doing?”

“She’s going to be fighting migraines and light sensitivity for a while, maybe forever. She’s also going to be tired for a while. Again, whether that fatigue be something she’ll be fightings for a little while or life, only time will tell. Her memory and speech is better than we’d hoped. The plan is to keep her in the hospital for at least two more weeks for safety measures. But, Tony, this is the best outcome we could have hoped for.”

“Thank you so much, doc,” Tony shook the doctor’s hand. 

“Only doing by job. Now, go see your fiancé.”

Tony looked back at Morgan. “What about—“

“I’ve got her,” Steve said. “Go see Y/N. I’ll follow soon with Mo.”

Tony gave Steve a grateful smile before hurrying to Y/N’s room. When he arrived, the blinds were barely open and he could tell the only light in the room was a lamp. Trying to contain his excitement, Tony took a breath before walking in. Y/N’s head moved slowly to face the door, eyes barely open. A small smile came over her face.

“Hi,” she rasped. 

Tony choked on a happy sob. She lifted her hand slightly, waving him over. He fell into the chair at her bedside, grabbing onto her hand and bringing it to his lips.

“You know…” Y/N paused to swallow. “I was hoping for a kiss on the lips. But I guess my hand appreciates it as well.”

“I’m sorry, I just…” Tony’s eyes were bursting with tears. “I’m so happy that you’re okay. I was so worried.” He stood up slightly and kissed her soft and long. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Y/N kissed Tony again before gasping and pushing Tony away.

“What? What is it, hun?”

“Morgan… where’s Morgan?”

“She’s right here,” Steve interrupted, pushing Morgan’s bed into the room.

“Oh.” Y/N held her hand to her mouth as Steve brought her closer. “She’s gorgeous.” 

Tony sat on the bed and put an arm around Y/N then gave her head a kiss. “Just like her momma,” he whispered.

“Do you want to hold her?” Steve asked.

“Can I?” Y/N wondered. 

“Of course. I’ll hand her to ya.” Steve gently picked Morgan up, who immediately started fusing. “Sshh, sshh. You’re okay.” He moved to the bedside. “Okay, hold out your arms and I’ll set her down.”

Y/N nodded and held out her arms. Ever careful, Steve set Morgan down in his sister’s arms. Y/N swore that her heart could have stopped. She was holding her child. She couldn’t help the tears that slipped down her cheeks.

“She’s perfect,” Y/N whispered. “Absolutely perfect.” Morgan cooed. “Hello, Morgan. I’m your mom… I’m sorry that I’ve been away, but I promise that will never happen again. I will never leave you again…” Morgan began fussing. “Oh, no. Please don’t fuss.”

“Steve and I have been singing songs to calm her down,” Tony told her. “Why don’t you give it a try?”

“I-I don’t know—“

“Just try.”

Y/N took a deep breath before softly starting to sing. “A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you’re fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true.”

“You’re my dream,” Y/N whispered. “My little princess.”

Steve snapped a few pictures as Y/N sung. Tony was still keeping Y/N at his side, looking over her shoulder to see Morgan. A peaceful silence fell over them.

“Thank you,” Tony whispered. 

This caused Y/N to look up at him with furrowed brows. “What for?” She wondered.

“For coming back to us.”

“Always.” Y/N gave Tony a kiss before looking back down at Morgan. “I couldn’t leave—“

Y/N suddenly stopped talking. Her eyes rolling back and she began seizing. Steve swiftly grabbed Morgan from Y/N’s limp arms as Tony rolled Y/N onto her side.

“We need some help in here!” Steve shouted.

As Y/N continued to seize, foaming at the mouth, nurses and doctors rushed in. 

“What’s happening?” Tony asked. 

“Tony, you and Steve take Morgan and get out of here,” the doctor ordered. “Now!”

“Come on guys,” Rhodey urged, him and Natasha having rushed to the room with the doctor.

“I can’t leave her,” Tony stated. Rhodey grabbed Tony’s arm trying to yank him out of there. “No!” Tony pulled away.

“Tony. Let them do their jobs.” Rhodey tried again.

“No!” Tony weakly tried to pull away again, yet he failed. “Please, Y/N!”

A nurse shut the door once they were out and shut the blinds. Morgan cried in Steve’s arms as Tony collapsed onto his knees on the floor. He looked up at the ceiling.

“Just one break, damn it!” He yelled. “I just want one break!”

next chapter >

I promise that more fluff is coming! And that it will get easier! (Well, until the rest of Endgame comes.) Thanks for baring with me!

I leave for Disney World this week. It is the last big family vacation that I will be on for a while. Because of that, I will not be on tumblr March 19th through March 24th. I will actually be deleting the app so that it’s not a distraction.

Most likely, nothing will be posted during that time. If something is, it will have been queued up. Things that are posted while I’m out of town will not have tag lists attached. I will put this note in all the fic posts until then.

So do not come at me for spending time with my family instead of including the tag list. (I say that knowing that people won’t care and still come at me…. be respectful and get over yourself.)

Check out the 2 ending titles and possible banners here.

Also, I will be taking all of April off for job hunting and such. Please be kind and understanding. This is important to me.

If you want to be added to the tag list, please dm me or send in an ask.

[lovelivingmydreams]

My nieces are fanders

Summary: When you meet a super cute guy and land a date with him, you definitively want to gush about him with someone. In Nico’s case that someone is his oldest sister. The visit holds a surprise for him though.

This is part of a bigger story which starts here

Nico was humming to himself as he walked up the driveway to his older sister’s house.

“I can’t wait to tell Marcia all about Thomas!” Félix gushed. It’d been a week since they met him and while they had yet to look him up, deciding it was cheating a little to watch his content and maybe accidentally see more than Thomas wanted to share before they even went on their first date. Ràmon, his morally flexible, deceptive facet, still thought they should at least just check his accounts to make sure he didn’t oversell himself. “I’m sort of known on youtube” might just have been an exaggeration to impress him. Léon, his fury, was already working himself up over being misled when the others came to Thomas’ defense. He seemed rather humble about all his accomplishments. He deserved the benefit of the doubt. “She’ll be so excited for us!” Fabio, his heart, gushed. “Hope mom and dad won’t be too upset that they aren’t the first we told…” Alejo worried as he bit his lip. “We will tell them about Thomas if we come to a stage where we are ‘officially’ dating him,” Diego, his logic, reminds him. It was how they did things. His parents were a bit too supportive sometimes. If he mentioned Thomas, mom would start insisting he come over for dinner no matter how Nico insisted they weren’t that serious yet. His father would ask questions he didn’t have answers for and he would feel entirely too pressured… Best to tell them after he and Thomas got a bit farther. And he really hoped he would get to tell them about him soon. He rang the bell and soon the door opened to reveal a beaming Marcia. “You smelled my cooking didn’t you?” she asked. Nico chuckled. “You caught me,” he confessed as he threw his hands up in surrender while letting her embrace him. “It’s good to see you again hermanito,” she sighed before letting him go and leading him inside. “Dinner will be ready in ten minutes. Yi will be home soon and he’ll entertain the kids afterwards so you can tell me what’s got you sparkling like the fourth of July.” Marcia looked back at him and quirked a brow curiously. Nico blushed a little. He was that obvious huh? His sisters eyes lit up and she was grinning like th cat that got the cream. Well he just confirmed her suspicion. “Okay, sounds good,” he muttered casually. Luckily Marcia let it go for now. “Can I get you something to drink?” she asked. “Just a glass of water is fine,” Nico assured her while he leaned against the kitchen counter to watch her work. “Tio Nico!” Nico looked up and saw Marcia’s oldest, his 15 year old niece Carla run up towards him to give him a hug. He embraced his niece with a smile and ruffled her hair. “How are you kids doing?” he asked as the teen girl let go. “Fine. Felicia hasn’t finished her homework yet, but she will be down in a minute.” Nico nodded taking note of cousin’s pronouns for today. It had been an adjustment for everyone when Fabien came out of his room wearing a skirt for the first time and asked to be called Felicia on days she felt more feminine, but they hardly slipped up anymore. “We have something awesome to show you!” Carla continued her eyes sparking with excitement. “Oh?” he asked curiously. “What is it?” “Don’t start without me!” Felicia exclaimed as she rushed through the door and hugged Nico as well. “Now I’m getting nervous,” Nico chuckled as he let his nieces push him into a chair and sit down next to him. Carla was looking something up on her phone while Felicia seemed to be using hers to film him. “Tio Nico. Have you ever been serenaded by a stranger?” Felicia asked. The general confusion in Nico’s head left him with no other response other than cocking his head. “Um… no…?” he replied. His nieces giggled. And then Carla pushed her phone in front of him and they shoved earbuds into his ears. She pressed play and before he knew it he was faced with…. “Thomas!!!!” Félix  screeched in his head. It was unfair of him to look so handsome. And then he started singing! “Nico, radiant and pure. Always so, accepting and secure. Never knew anyone so kind. So funny and sharp of mind. All this to say… Have a nice day.” And then he winked! Nico’s nieces were giggling at his flustered face. Alejo inspected the screen and found a description in the corner. “This week’s #shout out Sunday goes to all the nice Nico’s of the world” he read out as he slowly relaxed. Nothing that insinuated Thomas was thinking of a particular Nico. His nieces had probably just thought it was fun to show him the video. Perhaps they thought he’d be enchanted by the handsome stranger with the voice of an angel seemingly singing for him. They weren’t entirely wrong. “That’s Thomas Sanders. He’s our favorite youtuber,” Felicia explained. Nico nodded a little dumbfounded. “He’s a singer?” he guessed, though he knew he was more than that. But he was not ready to tell his nieces he’d met this man and was going on a date with him next week. “And an actor, and the nicest person alive!” Clara explained. “He lives in Florida and he is gay…” Félicia added not too subtle, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “Stop teasing your uncle girls. Set the table. We’ll be eating soon.” Nico was relieved. The rest of the evening he struggled to pay attention to the conversations at the dinner table. His mind was absolute chaos “He serenaded us! Actually serenaded us!” Felix gushed dancing around unable to contain his elation. “And it does sound like he is somewhat successful in entertaining his audience. He was telling the truth it seems,” Ràmon allowed. Leon nodded, calming down significantly. Leon had been part of the deeper recesses of Nico’s mind for a long time. Until one day he was called by a panicked Carla who was hiding from bigots with her sister. Nico had hurried over and gotten them out. But he’d been so close to hitting one of those kids. It had been Alejo who, in his worry for the girls’ well-being, had managed to hold Leon back enough to allow Fabio to reason with him. His writings had taken a much angrier tone for a few days after. Ever since that day,  Nico was aware that he could get violent when angry and he’d been working on managing Leon without pushing him away. Like Alejo he was mostly overprotective of the others and Nico’s loved ones. He just jumped more on Alejo’s fight aspect than the flight part. “He was so nice!” Fabio gushed. “Does he really think all that about us?” Alejo wondered flustered. “It seems quite likely that he does,” Diego concluded. “Just as we have made some observations about him that may or may not be accurate,” he added, soothing Alejo’s worry a bit. Shifting him more to the excited side of his spectrum. “Well? Spill!” Marcia insisted when they found themselves alone on the patio after dinner. Nico sipped from his glass and didn’t look at his sister while he just spilled the truth. “I met a really cute guy at the mall this week, and we’re going out for lunch in two days.” Marcia barely contained her squealing. “Finally! Tell me everything!” she demanded. And just like that, his excitement at being able to gush about the whole meeting returned. Marcia was a good listener. She knew the story ended well but she acted like she actually thought he might miss his shot with his determination to get some work done and not to bother the mysterious stranger. When he got to Thomas’ confession she was vibrating with excitement. “He sounds so adorable!” Nico flushed. “Yeah… He’s an actor and singer…” “Ooooh, someone to sing your songs!” she exclaimed. “And his name is Thomas Sanders…” Maricia’s eyes widened as understanding dawned on her. “Now that explains the look on your face when you saw that video…Wait that was for you? If mama ever sees it then she’ll insist you marry him you know that right?” she laughed. So not only did she know of Thomas, she had seen the video in question. “Yeah… She probably will. Have you seen anything else of his?” “I try to be aware of what my kids are watching online. He has two channels and about 3,4 million ‘Fanders’ last I checked.” “Oh my god!!!!” Felix gushed. Overwhelmed by both the cute fandom name and the dazzling number of fans. “Definitely not a liar,” Ràmon breathed in relief. He had been reluctant to get his hopes up until now. He was cautious, wary of things that were too good to be true. Just like Alejo. But their anxious look out was, in his eyes at least, compromised on the subject due to his close tie to the butterflies clouding all their feelings and thoughts. Now however, it seemed that his biggest doubts were adressed, he felt free to look forwrad to the date like everyone else. “He is a good guy, going by his content. And he is really cute.” Nico chuckled. “Yeah he is,” he agreed.

When he got home he was actually planning to freak out a bit more and debate over whether or not to watch some video’s. If for no other reason than to just see him do something he loved. Was that stalkerish? Luckily his phone alerted him to a text. Thomas. It was a cute dog picture. Nico smiled. He did that sometimes. Sent him things just to make him smile. N: You are such a dork. TS: I refuse to apologize for that! TS: I can’t wait until our lunch date! Nico hesitated for a moment. But then he went all in. N: Missing my radiant presence that much? God that was cheesy. Was it too cheesy? He is not like this! Not usually. Or maybe he was and Thomas just brought it out of him. TS: OMG you saw!!!!? N: My nieces thought it would be funny to see how I’d react when a ‘stranger’ serenades me. TS: Fanders!? Oh my goodness that is amazing! TS: You weren’t bothered? I get that it might seem a bit weird. “He is so precious!!!!” Fabio squealed. “I know right? This is not healthy for us! It can’t be,” Félix exclaimed clutching his heart and leaning on Alejo for support. Who promptly stepped away and let him fall to the floor with a grin. “Not a couch,” he reminded his friend who was pouting for a bout two seconds before his excitement overpowered his annoyance. N: It was awesome, don’t worry. I was very flattered. Your singing voice is amazing. TS: Thanks. Should he ask? If Thomas says it’s okay then it’s fine right? N: Okay if I watch some more of your singing? There he asked. No backing out. TS: Of course! Fair warning, if you find vines, some are cringy and sometimes I play a straight man. Vines huh? Wow, that felt like ages ago. Thomas had mentioned his misleading complements when they talked. N: Okay. I’ll keep that in mind. Goodnight. TS: Goodnight. ���Are we really doing this?” Alejo wondered as Nico typed in ‘Thomas Sanders Vines’ in the search bar of Youtube. One look at the results had Nico in stitches. “He’s such a goofball!” Fabio squealed clapping his hands as he saw Thomas’ smiling face on every thumbnail in various goofy situations. How was he supposed to choose? “Oooh! That one is him reacting!” Félix exclaimed pointing at a three year old video.  Nico nodded in agreement and clicked on the video. First this and then see if he could find some more videos of Thomas singing. He didn’t know it. But he was in for a wild ride.

I might write one more chapter, but then it’s over until Thomas posts his next video in three years. I want to stick to the canon as much as possible. You’ll hear from me if that changes though! Enjoy!

@rich-flower-17 @maryann-draws @selenechris @meowthefluffy @chibibunnis @whatishappeningrightnow @floofyconfusednerd @destinyiscallingus  @98prilla @catsarebestest @falpiancaraxus @queer-mattress-king @verysharkbakerydeputy​ @sarenicide @kitcatgirl600 @stariimayplayz @queer-devil @celestialviper @hennehennehennehoo​ @1americaninapool @firstorderfilms @xxmoonmorquanxx @naturallyunstablegamer @ciannathegiver58 @reeaninenine @pdvzh2 @rubixcubes-and-crowbars @not-a-possum-i-swear @nadja-chamack16 @ayidakira @theclassyghost @such-as-we-are-made-such-we-be @theblackveilinreverse @lucasdrawblog @erinriver5 @theshortgothicpunk @titheinironside @shipsarebeautiful @hoppe-ideas @i-died-50-years-ago @just-a-thing-to-do @the-magicalpotato @ rosethevoid @justfinsworld @supanxietysworld @kay-is-kid @devoteddeceit @friskthefallenmonster @liveonmercury @impalasquiptyseven @frida0043 @meow-face @baguettewoman2020 @sing-it-for-the-gays @perfectly-princely-emo-nightmare @snowcatwhiteangel @to-many-hotpockets @greenlasagagramfel @elliwashere @errors-in-my-heart @xxstill-i-risexx @ontheground15 @stubbornness-and-spite @potatiowatchingyoutube @nina-maee @sablesides @alias290 @s0n-of-a-peach @starlightnyx @idrawdumbstffsometime @shadowqueen88 @stars656 @lets-go-emma-of-the-100-fandoms @avocados26 @hanna10hanna10 @astrozei @thunderboldt1312 @galaxy-girl1999 @toknowaliar @musicobsessed1505 @tired-yeetling @athenashipsthings @firegirl156 @pomegranate-ghost @jerasings @strangest-loser @kittylikesflowers @pollyparrot8 @atdffpetra @altheaudaku @amberpeltsstuff @smallwaffle224 @cdragontogacotar @angelic-cali @fandoms1reality0 @contemplativespectrum @hedgiehoggles @alicethetrueunicorn @disasterlesbon @marguii-14 @emo-nightmare-without-the-emo @onecannotbebrave @confused-bi-and-ready-to-die @aelingalathynius6 @hetacon @booksfoodmusic-minion @maya-custodios-dionach @iwispkid @virgofoxy @simplification @emoghost-boy @hickledickle @crackedcurse @softballobsessed @hi-fellow-demons @mygenderisbees @lavenderchaitea @greekgeekgoddess @kuroyurishion @pauleyester

[amelialincoln]

Prompt: Amelia calls home (either mom or sisters) on the Bluetooth in the car home except she has one of Mer’s kids with her who completely exposes Amelia

yes but its scout instead 

Past in Present 

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell anyone.” Amelia sighed, playing with her seatbelt uncomfortably. “It’s just that last time we told everyone immediately...and we lost it...and everyone was walking on eggshells around me for weeks. If that happens again I want to be able to grieve alone with you in private, not with the whole freaking hospital’s eyes on us.” She played with the tiny ultrasound scan in her lap absentmindedly. Link nodded, staring straight into the traffic in front of him. They barely brought it up and she could tell that the topic upset him by how hard he was clutching the steering wheel. “Hey.” She placed her hand on his rigid shoulder. “I’m not trying to be negative.”

“I know,” he whispered, glancing at her and giving her a small smile before pulling her thigh towards the driver’s seat and resting his hand atop of it. “You just know how bad I am at secrets.”

“Yeah, I mean you told Jo like an hour after I told you the first time,” she joked.

“Well, I was in a state of shock,” he chuckled.

“Auntie Jo?” Scout squealed from the backseat, apparently suddenly awake and full of energy. Amelia grinned, turning to face the giggling toddler in the back. She was sure that he’d gotten every last bit of her ADHD.

“Yes, bug, we’re talking about auntie Jo.” She reached to tickle the small boy’s feet and he erupted into happy screams in response.

“Inside voice, Scout,” his father winced.

“Sorry, Dadda,” Scout whispered almost comically, causing Amelia to stifle a laugh.

“Hey, your sister is calling.” Link motioned to the car’s audio display. Before Amelia could ask which one he added, “Liz,” and answered before she could tell him otherwise. “Hey, Liz, It’s Link. You're on speakerphone in the car.”

“Hi, Link,” Liz gushed, causing Amelia to roll her eyes. “Can you hear me, Amy?” 

“Yep,” she replied, forcing enthusiasm. “What’s up?”

“Oh, nothing really. Just wanted to see how you were holding up out there. Also, you know me being the planner I am, I was wondering if you guys were planning on coming for Christmas? Just trying to get everything sorted.”

“That’s like six months away,” Amelia replied, giving Link an exasperated look.

“I know,” Liz laughed. “It’s just we’re deciding whether to stay in the city or book a getaway in Colorado for the whole family and it all depends if you guys are coming or not.”

“Well, I mean--”

“Sorry, Liz, we’re just going under the tunnel so you might cut out for a sec.” Link pressed the mute button on Amelia’s phone.

“Link, what’s up? I can tell her that we aren’t coming just--”

“No, I think going would be fun, it's just you shouldn’t be flying that late in your pregnancy,” he reminded her, rubbing reassuring circles on her thigh as he watched her confusion pass.

“Mommy’s preeganant!” Scout sang from behind them. Amelia would do anything to go back to the night that they told him to witness the look on his face for a second time. To say he was excited was an understatement.

“You’re right, big guy.” She laughed as Link gave the babbling toddler an awkward backwards high five. “It’s fine, babe. We’ll just say no and they’ll understand when we tell them the news another day.”

“Okay,” He sighed. “But if she gets mad, you’re taking the blame. She scares me.” Amelia rolled her eyes, unmuting the phone.

“Hey, Liz. Can you hear us now? Sorry, there was some traffic as we were going under.”

“Yep, all good,” Liz’s voice rang from the other end. “Back to Christmas then.”

“Yeah, it might be a little too much this year. I think Maggie and Winston are flying in from Chicago and Scout hasn’t seen them in awhile.”

“Oh, wow. You’ve really got it all planned out in advance then,” Liz teased, her tone was evident that she knew Amelia was making excuses, as always.

“My Mommy is having a baby!” Scout took the silence as the perfect time for his big announcement. 

“Scout,” Amelia hissed, as the couple turned around to stare at their son in horror. Link burst out laughing and Amelia swatted him angrily.

“Um, congratulations?” Liz’s voice came from the other end. “Nice to hear from you, Scout. Wanna clear anything up, Amelia?”

“Uh, eight weeks along but obviously there’s a chance I could miscarry so I don’t want to give a concrete no for Christmas yet.” She bit her fingernail nervously.

“That’s amazing! You actually have a good excuse this year then,” Liz laughed. “We were all worried you had decided to stop after Scout, with him being five. We just remember you going on as a kid about wanting four kids over and over.” Link grinned at that, squeezing his wife’s thigh excitedly. “Obviously Scout is perfect on his own but we just hoped we were going to get another niece or nephew,” Liz exclaimed happily. Amelia groaned, imagining how many family dinners that her and Link’s lack of babies had been the topic of conversation. “Have you gotten a scan? You know we’d all love to see pictures.”

“Yeah, I’ll send some over,” Amelia sighed, her enthusiasm wearing out. “Well, it was really nice to talk to you, Liz. Just try to keep the baby news on the down low until we’re sure that everything will work itself out.”

“Oh, Amelia, stop fretting. It’s unlike you. I already texted Mom and she’s over the moon.”

“Grandma!” Scout babbled happily, confused by the glare he was receiving from his mother.

“Yes, exactly, Scout. Amy, we all really need to see more of your little angel.” Amelia could her slightly condescending tone through the phone. 

“Alright, Liz. We’ve got to go.” Her finger hovered over the end call button as Liz said her goodbye before ending the call and bursting into tears.

“Mia, what?” Link pulled into their driveway and parked quickly before enveloping her in a hug.

“I’m hormonal and tired, it’s fine,” she mumbled, pushing him away limply.

“Momma, why are you sad?” Scout asked quietly. “Did I say something bad?”

“No, baby,” Amelia sighed, removing Scout from his carseat and picking him up into his arms to console him.

“Give him to me,” Link ordered. “We’ve talked about carrying heavy stuff. He’s too big now.” Amelia sighed, passing the wiggling boy into his fathers arms, not in the mood to argue.

                                                        [][][]

“Hey, I finally got him into bed, are you feeling better?” Link winced as Amelia threw up in response. “Pizza didn’t sit right?”

“Please don’t talk about pizza,” Amelia begged, laying down on the cool bathroom tile. “Just leave me to die.” Link chuckled, sitting down beside her and running his hand through her sweaty hair.

“Baby number two is causing a lot more grief than Scout, huh?”

“Link, this is baby number four,” Amelia sniffled, moving slightly to lay her head on his lap and letting a wave of dizziness pass over her. “Just because Christopher and Jake didn’t make it doesn’t mean...”

“I know, Mia. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry,” he sighed, trying to read her distant expression. “You want to get in the shower?”

“Maybe, I think that was the last of it,” she grimaced, allowing him to tug off her crewneck and sweats.

“I was talking to Jo and she said she started showing earlier with her second baby,” Link beamed as he stepped into the steamy shower behind her. The topic of Jo being able to get pregnant twice so easily in the time frame that him and Amelia had been trying for one usually set her off but instead his wife smiled softly.

“Yeah, I read that somewhere too. Maybe sometime this month then.”

“Are you upset about the conversation with Liz?” He asked, pouring shampoo on the crown of her head before doing the same to his.

“I just don’t like the idea of them gossiping about our lack of children. Scout is perfect on his own, he doesn’t need a sibling,” she replied, rubbing the shampoo angrily into her scalp.

“Okay, can you have a little bit of faith here though?” Link sighed, tugging her around to face him. “I’m not asking you to get your hopes up or throw a party, I just want a little reassurance that you’re actually happy about this.” Amelia softened.

“Of course I’m happy,” she brushed soapy water off of his forehead, absentmindedly. “We’ve wanted this for years.”

“Okay...do we still want it? Cause I’m confused here, Amelia.” He glanced down at her hands resting on her midsection.

“Link, I want this baby so bad it’s literally tearing me apart and I don’t know if I can handle going through what we went through again. I honestly...” she trailed off not knowing how to find the right words.

“I’m here, Mia. I’m always going to be here,” he assured her, wrapping his arms around her waist and planting a kiss on her wet forehead. “No matter what, we’re going to have each other.”

“I know,” she smiled softly, letting out a long exhale. “It’s just been hard, these past couple of years, watching everyone around us give birth to beautiful, healthy babies. Maggie, Jo, Maya...and everyone keeps asking us if we’re planning on having more and I have to keep saying not right now as if we haven’t been trying for years.”

“Carina said the heartbeat was strong,” Link reminded her with a sense of pride that was usually only associated with Scout.

“I know,” she replied, tiredly. “That’s good.” Link nodded, leaning back under the stream of water to rid his hair of suds.

“Alright, let’s get you out of here. It’s boiling and you look like you’re about to pass out,” he teased.

“I honestly might,” she yawned in response, allowing him to wrap her up in one of their fluffy, white towels and carry her to bed.

[rons-hermiones]

Come Find Me

Come Find Me

by rons-hermiones

Summary: Unplanned, Hermione is forced to spend Christmas at the Burrow due to her grandmother falling very ill. After being ignored by Hermione for weeks, Ron is determined to show her how much she means to him. Just before he gets the chance to tell her, Bellatrix Lestrange shows up with other plans for Hermione. Can Ron get to her before it's too late? (Ron/Hermione Half-Blood Prince AU)

Rating: M for language & dark themes in later chapters.

Chapter Eleven

“I’m sorry.” Is all Ron says before he’s trampling his way through the hot flames. 

George, being the closest, runs after him, but is soon meant by a blazing wall of fire. Thankfully, Fred pulls him back before it can reach him. 

“Put it out! Put it out! Ronnie!” Charlie yells panicked as the remaining Weasley’s think of something, anything to do. 

Ron swears he can hear Charlie calling out to him as he makes his way to the tall grass. He silently swears at Harry for running after her. Ron gets his need to avenge Sirius, but this was Bellatrix bloody Lestrange, he wasn’t sure if even someone like McGonagall could best her. 

Soon, the wheat nearby gave a harsh jolt as the dreadful tune filled the air yet again, “I killed Sirius Black.” 

Closing his eyes, Ron summons all the courage he has and takes off into nothingness, determined to protect Harry and Hermione. 

“I killed Sirius Black.” Hermione hears the shrill voice yell again, this time closed. 

Part of her wants to find Harry and curse him herself. She knows how much Sirius meant to him, but he’s just put himself in danger. And she knows that the last thing Sirius would want is Harry dead, and on his behalf no less. 

Then she hears it. 

A sharp intake of breath like someone sniffing a flower, “hello there beautiful.” Greyback sounds from behind her. 

Turning swiftly, she points her wand at him, “expelliarmus!” 

Shockingly, it works. His wand flies from his hand and rolls into the water of the pond. 

He laughs, “no matter, I won’t need it darling, not for what I have planned for you.” Then suddenly his sharp teeth are bared as he eyes her throat. 

She fires off offensive spells which merely make him jolt as he lurches closer. 

Terrified, weak, and helpless, Hermione closes her eyes and prepares for the worst. But it never comes. 

Instead, something else does, something she thinks it’s much worse. 

“What did I tell you? Wait.” Lestrange scolds the werewolf as he slinks backward, fangs growing a bit duller at this. 

“You know,” Bellatrix circles Hermione, not even scared the young girl's wand is drawn, “I didn’t even come here tonight for anyone, not my dear niece, nor even for Potter.” She stops, “but now, now I think you could do me some good.” 

“Me?” Hermione asks, voice uncharacteristically shaken. 

“Yes you Muddy, you see, I hadn’t known you’d be here tonight. There’s been a bit of chatter about you, makes me wonder if the Dark Lord...” she licks at her red stained lips as Hermione raises her trembling hand in fear. 

“Oh no you don’t,” she hears a dark whisper from behind, “stupefy!” Ron shouts aiming his wand at Bellatrix. 

With a look of mock shock, she easily deflects the advance and cackles madly. In one swift motion the witch yanks Hermione against her as she puts her wand to her throat. 

Ron’s blue eyes widen with fear as his whole body begins to shake in terror. 

“Please don’t.” He whimpers weakly. 

“Well look at that,” Bellatrix whispers in Hermione’s ear, lips grazing the shell and making her shutter, “looks like someone’s upset I’ve got their dirty little mutt.” She says louder, causing Greyback to snort. 

At this Hermione tries to pull away, but this just causes Lestrange to grip onto her hair and yank it back as if it were a leash. 

“She’s not bad, for a Mudblood, don’t you think Greyback?” She taunts. 

“Divine.” He rumbles.

“Ron I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, for everything.” She doesn’t care if Bellatrix Lestrange curses her for it, she needs to tell him. 

He shakes his head fiercely, “don’t say goodbye to me Hermione. Don’t.” He warns with watery eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” She continues to whisper like she’s under some sort of spell. 

The scene causes nothing but joy for the Slytherin as she grins madly, “I’m gonna have fun with this.” 

But as apologies push past Hermione’s lips and Ron surveys what to do, Greyback suddenly falls to the ground. 

Behind him, is Harry Potter, wand drawn, and the most pissed off expression Ron’s ever seen him wear. 

Bellatrix turns around to see what caused the commotion, Hermione takes this as a cue to muster any strength and escape the women's clutches. It works, she elbows the older woman in the ribs and leaps toward Ron. 

He catches her and dares take a second to embrace her, needing to feel her close to him. 

“Dumb boy!” Bellatrix shrieks as Harry sprints away, making her follow. 

“Run.” Ron tells Hermione, grabbing her hand and whirling them through the fields. 

“Me Ron, Voldemort, he’s been talking of me.” She manages to huff out in between dodging weeds. 

“What?” He asks back, she must sound mad. 

“Lestrange, she said there’s been talk, I don’t- I don’t know!” She practically cries. 

Ron pulls them to a stop as they heave under the oak tree they were at what feels like a lifetime ago. 

“I don’t think she’d kill me Ron, they want me for something.” She whispers. 

He shakes his head, “I’m not betting on finding out if either of those things are true.” His gaze briefly meets hers, just visible due to the light from the nearby orange flames. 

“Harry, we have to go back for him.” Hermione says soon after. 

And as much as he wants her safe, of course she’s right, that’s their best mate. “Just give me a second, gotta catch my breath.” 

As he sucks in a gasp of air, she whispers to herself, “she said she wasn’t here for Harry...” 

Then, before Ron could even react to this, a pair of sickeningly familiar footsteps sound in the air. 

“Did you hear that Greyback? It must be Potter.” Bellatrix whispers, but she’s close enough for Hermione and Ron to hear. 

Instantly, he clamps a hand over her mouth and pulls her behind the oak tree, hugging her frame to his. 

“Why does it matter?” The werewolf grumbled, “the Dark Lord told us even if the boy was here, we were not to kill him.” This was a curious statement to both Gryffindors as Hermione turned slightly to peer into Ron’s eyes.  

“We can still have a bit of fun.” She says menacingly, “no matter, I have the perfect gift for the Dark Lord.” They’ve stopped walking. 

“Care to share Bella?” 

“Well, you see it all just depends on who I find first. If it’s the blood traitor, the one from before, I’ll kill him, just like that! Surely the Dark Lord wouldn’t begrudge me for him, there’s about eight more of them!” 

In fear, Hermione’s grip tightened around Ron’s arm that was holding her. He seemed to have shivered behind her. 

“As for the Mudblood, well, there’s a bit of chatter you know.” Bellatrix states airily. 

“Chatter?” The werewolf asks. 

“Well sure! She’s certainly the brains of this whole thing, think of how much we could get out of her. And we could have fun in the process, you know, making her squeal, have a bite or two.” 

“Looks delicious.” 

“For a Mudblood maybe.” 

A tear finds its way down Hermione’s cheek and eventually onto Ron’s hand that’s still glued to her mouth. 

“They won’t touch you.” He whispers unbelievably low into her ear. 

She swivels to meet his eyes, stepping on a twig while doing so. 

“What was that?” Bellatrix demanded. 

“I hope it’s the girl.” Fenrir commented. 

“I hope it’s Weasley. Haven’t had a good kill since Sirius Black.” The witch whispers loud enough for the pair to hear. 

And just like that, Hermione knows what she has to do. It’s stupid and brave and Ron will probably hate her for it, but she knows they can’t stand here forever. 

From the looks of it, help is not coming, as help is trapped in a ring of fire, and there’s about no chance Harry will find them this time. They surely can’t duel Bellatrix Lestrange and Greyback without dying. They’re just a bunch of sixth year kids. Plus, with the witches personal mission of killing Ron, they wouldn’t stand a chance. 

For Hermione however, they seem to have other plans. And yes, she’d rather wake up in hell then find out what that entails, but it’s her or Ron, and in the end, she’ll always choose him. 

Soundly, she kisses his cheek and uses her other hand to caress his jawline. He grabs her wrist lightly, confused by the action. 

“Hermione, don’t.” He warns, already seeming to know what she’s thinking. 

“I’m so sorry Ron, come find me.” She pleads with him through the flood of tears, summoning all the courage inside her. 

And before he can even move, she raises her wand, “petrificus totalus.” 

Just like that, with tears skimming his cheeks and a horrified look in his eyes, Ron falls to the ground with a thud. 

“I heard it again! This way!” 

As Bellatrix and Greyback’s footsteps neared closer, Hermione casted a quick disillusionment charm on Ron, before stepping out from behind the tree with a sob. 

“Oh it’s you.” Bellatrix said, sounding bored. 

Hermione raised her wand, “Expelliarmus! Stupefy! Petrificus totalus!” She tried, just having some hope, maybe she could get out of this. 

Her attempts were futile, the older witch blocked every blow with ease. 

“Expelliarmus!” Bellatrix sounded off with a cackle as Hermione’s wand flew from her hand. 

At this, the younger witch dove for the thing, but crashed on the ground instead. Her attackers drew closer, causing her to slink back until she hit the trunk of the tree. Her hands clutched wildly at the grass for her wand, but instead, she felt something hard and rectangular. 

“Thought I’d take a page out of your book. Not so brave without our wand, are we muddy?” If only Bellatrix knew exactly how brave she was. 

“I’m sure Dolohov will be excited to see you, he hasn’t stopped going on about you all year. Grab on Greyback.” 

The werewolf did as he was told as Bellatrix took a fistful of Hermione’s hair in her other hand. 

The only thing Hermione remembers before disapperating was the feel of the rectangular parcel in her hand and flashes of the horrified look on Ron’s face.

[starrynite7114]

Four Seasons (Angel Reyes)

A/N: I wrote this after my organic chemistry exam as I was just a mess emotionally. I couldn’t this idea out of my head after I heard ‘Four Seasons of Loneliness’ by Boyz II Men. Hope you all enjoy this story!

Warnings: Angst, I’m honestly so sorry. Please don’t hate me! <3

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It was Spring.

The flowers were blooming yet, the joy that spring usually brought to him, was lost. 

Placing the flowers on her grave, he held the tears back, taking a deep breath.

"Querida, you’re lucky I love you because this place is always so windy when I come by." He tried to make a joke, but the happiness couldn't even reach him.

It was a freak accident. He expected for her to survive, but it just didn't happen.

The first season without her, loneliness seeping in as her death finally sunk in for him. 

She was gone. 

And there was nothing he could do to protect her.

“I still haven’t named her. I feel like the shittiest person because I can’t even stand looking at my own daughter.” Angel sat against her headstone, resting the back of his head against it as he bent his knees, resting his elbows on his knees. “It’s been two months and I can’t look at her without thinking of you. She has your nose, she has my eyes, but every time I look at her, all I can see is your lifeless eyes looking at me.”

Angel broke down then, the traumatizing scene in the delivery room forever embedded in his mind. She was bleeding too much. They both knew that this pregnancy was a risk, but she wanted to have the baby, she wanted to take that risk.

But he didn’t. 

He didn’t want to lose her.

And he did.

“What am I supposed to do without you? I can’t even fucking breathe.” Angel sobbed out. “She’s staying with Pops. I know you’re pissed that I won’t even hold her, but, she took you away from me.” He sounded selfish. He sounded like a prick, but it was how he felt. 

She was able to hold her daughter before everything fell apart for Angel. They happily held the newborn, looking down at her. She was the most perfect thing in the world. But then she crashed, they ushered Angel outside, their daughter being placed in a makeshift crib. When the doctors came back out, the somber look on their faces broke Angel’s heart. 

‘We’re so sorry Mr. Reyes. We tried everything we possibly could, but she lost far too much blood.’

January 8th, 2020 was when he lost her.

Angel never really recovered from that. 

He spent four hours by her gravesite daily, speaking to her about nonsense, but he couldn’t face the reality she was no longer in his arms. When he made it home, Felipe was there with his daughter. She was having her bottle, eyes drifting close as she enjoyed her milk. 

“Pops, not now.” 

“Listen, I’m not too old to smack you around son. I understand you’re in pain, that every time you look at her you see your wife, but she’s your daughter Angel. She made it out alive. Honor your wife and be there for your daughter.” Felipe has let Angel mourn enough, it was time for him to face the music. 

His daughter needed a father. 

Felipe handed Angel’s daughter over to him. Angel cautiously held her, her big brown eyes looking up at him. She studied him, moving closer to his warmth. Angel hasn’t seen his daughter since the day she was born. Looking at her proved to be too painful, but holding her now, seeing his wife’s eyes, it was like he fell in love all over again. 

The tears fell from his eyes, realizing how badly he fucked up, how selfish he was. He had a daughter to care for, her daughter and he wasn’t going to let her down.

He wasn’t able to protect her, but he was going to protect his daughter with every fiber of his being. 

It was Summer.

A season that brought on endless joy since vacations were planned and the kids were out of school.

The days were longer, enabling everyone to enjoy the day.

The heat was unbearable. Nothing new there. Sometimes Angel felt numb to the heat, but other times he would feel it since Michaela, his daughter, hated it. If the apartment even went higher than 73 degrees, she was upset. It made Angel smile, your daughter was so much like his wife.

But the pain was still ever present.

Michaela was now seven months old. 

Angel was overprotective and that was mildly describing how he was with his daughter. 

Little Michaela had her father, tio’s and grandfather doting over her. Every little thing she did, there was a video and multiple pictures as proof. When she even so much as sniffled, she was immediately brought to the doctor. Collectively, they were all raising Michaela, since Angel was still a wreck.

Angel no longer visits her gravesite daily, but he did it every two days with Michaela tagging along. He would tell her about the day they met, when they began to date, he talked to his daughter endlessly and she listened to her father too. 

The ache in Angel’s heart was still present, at night, he would find himself turning to pull his wife against him and she wasn’t there. There were times that he would call her number and would pause, waiting till her voicemail came on and he would hear her voice again. Eventually, the number was disconnected. 

It was painful for Angel, having to raise his daughter all on his own. But he was trying his best.

“Look at my baby with her bow.” Angel had placed a headband on Michaela with a cute periwinkle bow. “You look so beautiful princesa.” He was preparing Michaela for Sunday BBQ at his father’s place. 

Ever since your passing, Angel found that he and his father became closer, relating with one another regarding the pain they felt when they lost the love of their life. He understood now when his father spoke to his mother's urn, he did the same thing at her gravesite. 

Michaela giggled as her father kissed her cheek.

“You look just like mommy.” Angel was having a hard time letting go of her, and he honestly didn’t think he would anytime soon or even at all. “I love Mommy with all my heart and I promise to love and cherish you till the day I die.” 

When Angel arrived at his father’s EZ was there grilling in the backyard. He saw Coco and Gilly smoking at the side. He nodded his head at them before making his way over to EZ.

“Hey, Pops went to buy some milk for Ella.” EZ kissed his niece on the cheek. “Don’t you look beautiful, mi preciosa.” 

“I’ll take Ella.” Coco appeared out of nowhere taking Ella from Angel. He gladly handed her over, trusting his brothers. 

“How you holding up?” EZ questioned, turning the meat over.

“I’m good.” Angel situated himself near the grill, nursing a beer in his hand that Gilly had handed him once Michaela was with Coco.

“You don’t have to lie to me Angel.”

“Ezekiel, my answer is the same every fucking time you asked. It hasn’t gone away. She just fucking died.” Angel took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry, you didn’t deserve that.”

“It’s fine, I get it, you’re hurting.” EZ sat beside his older brother. He couldn’t fathom what Angel was feeling. They were together for almost ten years. He knew how much Angel loved her, how much he adored her and now she was gone. And he also knew his brother’s self destructive behavior. “You know it wasn’t your fault right?”

Angel has been avoiding talking about his wife’s passing for quite some time. It was too painful.

But it felt like it was his fault. He promised, vowed to her that he would hold and protect her, but he wasn’t able to. 

It was what ate Angel up most. 

He couldn’t do anything but wait for the doctor to come out.

“Hard to see that.”

“I can’t begin to comprehend what you’re going through, but I’m here for you Angel. You’re my brother, you know I love you. And you know I’m here for Michaela too.”

Angel smiled. “I love you too punk.”

It was crazy how he was surrounded by people, yet the loneliness persisted and he knew why.

He wanted her, that was all he needed.

It was Fall.

Didn’t feel any different than summer till it was night. 

The nights have become colder, days becoming shorter.

The pain was slowly fading, but from time to time he would find things that reminded him of his wife and it would come back. He couldn’t even take off his wedding ring and he had no plans to do so. 

Fuck till death do us part, she lived on in his heart and that’s what fucking mattered.

Michaela was crawling now and he was currently baby proofing the apartment. She was pulling herself up to stand, but she hasn’t walked, not yet. But he knew she eventually would. It was only a matter of time. Angel saw your mother the other week. They spoke weekly. His wife’s mother was fond of Angel and offered to live with him till he got situated, but he politely declined. He just wanted to be alone with Michaela. He appreciated the help, but he didn’t want to be a burden to her mother. Losing his wife was difficult for her as well.

At times, Angel dreamed of her. It was less frequent but he looked forward to those dreams. They spoke about Michaela, what they wanted for her and how she wanted to raise her. They spoke about it often before she gave birth, but in his dreams, it didn’t feel like a memory, it felt real. It was as if she was communicating with him. 

“She’s so adorable, you’re doing so good with her.”

“It wasn’t her fault Angel.”

“It wasn’t your fault Angel.”

“She’s so loved baby, thank you.”

“I miss you.”

It was difficult for Angel. The loneliness hasn’t faded, no matter how hard he fucking tried.

But the loneliness hit differently because fall was her favorite season. Halloween was her favorite holiday and she always decked out the apartment for it. They watched one film a day, with a marathon of the Halloween franchise on the 31st. 

Now, he was doing the same with Michaela, but more kid friendly Halloween films.

“What should you be for Halloween? You really like Sophia of Avalon, but I think you’d be so good as a little biker girl.” Angel had his arm around Michaela as she watched Casper. It surprised Angel that Michaela was immersed in any movie he put on. At times she would pull herself up, watching the movie standing up. Every little thing Michaela did, Angel was amazed with. Each day, he fell more and more in love with his daughter.

If he was being honest, having her was making the ache less and less. He loved talking to her most because she would just listen, smile, laugh, anything she did, he was marveled by.

“Michaela,” Angel immediately got her attention, she looked up at her father. “It’s you and me against the world mama, okay? Daddy will always be here for you, no matter what. I’ll never leave you.”

Michaela smiled, your smile, and Angel kissed the top of her head.

“You would have loved your mom, she was the kindest person I know. Whenever she would laugh, it was so infectious.” Angel leaned back, smiling as he remembered how you would laugh at all his jokes. At first he thought she was faking it, just trying to appease him, but he realized that she was very easy to please and he made it a mission to always hear her laugh. “She was so excited to meet you.”

“I’ll make sure you never forget her.” Angel touched his ring. “Cause I never will.”

It was Winter.

Michaela’s first Christmas. 

Angel went above and beyond. He picked a Christmas tree, one of the ones in a fucking yard. The apartment was all decked out. He got her a sock that was hanging over his mantle. For once, he felt some excitement. He couldn’t wait for Michaela to open presents, to just do about anything. She was walking now and he loved running after her. She would squeal, laughing as Angel slowly chased after her. 

He took things one day at a time and the pain seemed to lessen. The loneliness just came at night, which wasn’t shocking. He didn’t cry as much as he used  to, but he found himself tearing up every now and then. 

EZ was holding Michaela as Angel cooked some soup. She had been sick as of late, the common cold overtaking her. Angel hated seeing his baby so miserable. EZ had been staying with them so they could alternate taking care of Michaela at night but more than not, she wanted her daddy.

“At least the fever is gone.” EZ soothingly ran his hand up and down her back, Michaela resting her head on his shoulder.

“Shit freaks me out, she’s always so energetic.” Angel frowned as he watched Michaela just looking at him, letting out a cough. 

“She’ll be fine. The fever is gone.” EZ tried to appease his brother’s worries. He was worried as well, but he knew she would be fine.

“Princesa, you ready to eat soup?” Angel questioned her, earning a nod.

EZ sat her on her high chair, causing Michaela to immediately cry out. It freaked out both EZ and Angel, as she’s never done that before.

“Dada!” She shrieked out, Angel felt his world stop.

It was Michaela’s first word. 

She said Dada.

EZ and Angel looked at one another before Angel rushed over to her and picked her up. He kissed the side of her head, cooing her as her sobbing quieted down.

“It’s okay baby, daddy’s here.” Angel cradled her head, letting her lay her head on his shoulder.

“That was her first word?” EZ was in awe of Angel’s transformation. 

“Yeah, it was.” 

Angel laid in bed, Michaela sleeping right beside him, a pillow and a bed rail blocking one side and him on the other side. He watched her, the humidifier helping out with her congestion to help her sleep. 

“Babe, she said her first word today.” Angel softly smiled. He spoke to you often. He felt fucking crazy, creepy even. He regretted thinking that his father was insane by talking to his mother’s urn, but he knew why he did it now. It made the pain in his chest ache less and well, he didn’t miss her as much. “Mi amor, te extraño tanto.”

By Christmas, Michaela was much better. She was opening gifts with Felipe, playing with the wrapper more than the toys she received. Felipe fondly watched his granddaughter as she played with the wrapper of the present she just recently opened. Angel was sitting on the couch, smiling as he watched Michaela open another present.

“Look Ellie, tio got you something.” EZ presented the Stitch Doll that he bought for her. The doll was almost as big as her. 

She squealed in delight, hugging the stitch doll. 

“Dada, ook!” She nuzzled her face on Stitch, her giggles filling the room.

Angel sat on the floor with his daughter, watching her as she hugged the Stitch Doll.

No one would ever fill his wife’s position in Michaela’s life. 

But Michaela was surrounded by people who loved her.

These past four seasons have been fucking hell for Angel. But as the weather changed, the time passed, the pain eased. The loneliness would always be present, but with Michaela with him, he didn’t feel as lonely.

“Hey baby,” he placed the flowers on the bed of her grave, balancing Michaela on his hip. “Michaela is a year old now. You should see her, she’s walking too.” He placed her on the ground, watching as she walked over to the gravestone, sitting down in front. Angel chuckled, smiling as his daughter bent down to smell the flowers. “She’s just like you. Fucking hates the mornings, loves having ice cream at the middle of the night.” 

“I miss you querida, so much. I know you’re looking down at us, watching us.” Angel looked up in the sky, the wind picking up. “We’ll meet again someday, but for now, Michaela needs me. One day, we’ll be together again, like we always planned.”

He could survive.

He could survive for her.

He could survive for Michaela.

Four seasons of loneliness that he survived and he’ll continue to do so.

Maybe someday he’ll meet someone again, but Michaela was his number one priority.

They would meet again.

And he couldn’t wait for that.

[hanmajoerin]

I’m just gonna say it, y’all, Yashahime isn’t what I expected and there are elements to the series that I would have handled differently but to be honest, if I was at the helm of this all of you guys would be shitting on my version too.

My expectations–my hopes and dreams for the InuYasha cast after the end–it’s all so different from yours. I’ve read your fanfictions, I’ve seen your OC children. I respect them even if they’re not the characters that exist in my head. I respect them even if your ideas of the world after Kagome returns take three different turns than mine. This is exactly why I am urging some of you guys to brew a cup of chamomile tea and wait, at least until we have all 24 episodes of Yashahime at our disposal. I’m not the biggest fan of them, but Sunrise deserves the same respect as all of you do. And before you get all defensive and upset, don’t think for a single second that I have forgotten what InuYasha: A Fedual Fairytale did to the relationships of every InuYasha character. I feel their poor representation of InuYasha and Kagome’s relationship in the very atoms on my fingernails to this day.

Still, I have 193 animated TV episodes and four feature films to point at and criticize. And believe me when I tell you that the amount of college papers I could compose regarding the disservice that was done not just to my favorite couple, but to all of the characters that I’ve spent the past fourteen going on fifteen years of my life growing up alongside is kind of crazy. Yashahime has four episodes. F O U R  E P I S O D E S.

For some crazy reason, Rumiko Takahashi loves the cast and staff that worked on InuYasha: A Feudal Fairytale–they take annual vacations together for Christ’s sake. It sounds like Sunrise has a plan for this sequel and just because the four released episodes include elements that I didn’t anticipate doesn’t make it fair to rule out the possibility of the series’ potential as a whole. Takahashi claimed to like it and that woman is coo-coo banana crazy, but if she believes in it, I have faith too.

But something that I wanted to remind you guys about is the fact that sequels don’t happen in the Rumic World. That’s why Yashahime existing is so fucking insane to me in general. Takahashi wanted to make a new story instead of “InuYasha Two” and as a writer who tends to not be a fan of sequels myself, I know where she’s coming from. I also wanted to remind you that we are not watching “InuYasha Two” either. We have Hanyo no Yashahime. This is a series about the daughters of some characters we love carving a path sprinkled with a little bit of familiar stuff and a little bit of new stuff. The whereabouts of our favorite characters from the past (unless you’re a Sesshomaru fan, we found that guy today LOL) is the series’ greatest mystery. Sunrise is dragging us along without an ounce of remorse as the new generation uncovers it. And it’s painful, but that doesn’t make it fair to disregard the potential of an entire work so early on in its run. If you decide that the story is simply not for you and you’d like jump ship? Totally different. It’s absolutely fine. It’s expected! But if you’re discrediting any kind of potential? No way.  

What’s been confirmed so far is that Moroha has little to no memories of her parents even though she knows who they are. Today we saw her grandmother ask for regards to be sent to her mom. Instead of having an emotional breakdown like we (with our 559 chapter history with Kagome) wanted, Moroha showed the largest amount of discomfort yet. She faltered, she admitted that she didn’t really “know” her mother, and scratched the back of her head uncomfortably. Nonetheless, she agreed to send the regards. This was Moroha acting in-character. Seriously, this quarter-demon is a fucking spitfire like twenty-six hours a day; she may have bared her butt to the family, but she hasn’t shown them any signs of emotional vulnerability. Two different things. 

Speaking of two, I’ll fight anyone who says Towa didn’t deserve that scene with Sota. In Yashahime, Sota raised Towa for a decade. Towa was his first baby. Towa is so much more than just the daughter of Sesshomaru, she is Sota’s daughter. His baby girl. And he sees so much of his big sister in her, especially now that Towa’s departing on an epic journey to gather her twin’s memories like the shards of the Sacred Jewel. It felt nostalgic to Sota. It felt right for him to share this moment with his daughter instead of his tiny gremlin niece who jacked his credit card and came into his life a few days ago 😉. And it was positively monumental that for the first time, Towa called Sota “Papa” instead of “Sota Papa.” It was in-character for the lore of the show. Maybe not our hearts, but in the reality of the show and therein lies the difference. 

Please don’t take this post as a declaration stating that you cannot be upset. Sunrise can’t make us all happy, that’s preposterous! We just need to be fair. It’s been a test for me too, in some ways, but I’m genuinely enjoying Yashahime for what it is. My blog is always going to be here for fun stupid posts, sentiments fics, and anything InuYasha. I want to continue participating in the journey that is Yashahime with my followers which is precisely why I’m encouraging you to watch the series with a calming cup of chamomile tea at your side. I’m encouraging you to remember that the main cast and main supporting cast of this sequel simply do not share the same history that we do with InuYasha and his friends. We need to acknowledge the characters for where they stand–their history with the world we’ve been shown–not where we stand.

I know it’s hard, my dudes, we miss our family. I want their safety and happiness just as much as you. But, I promise you, it’s going to be okay in the end. Kagome already told us so.

[eleanor-devil]

I have seen many people upset and sad over Sota’s lack of emotion towards Moroha being his niece, so here is my two cents and why I think he is acting this way.

Sota never met his father, according to a guide released by Takahashi he died in a car crash when Sota was still yet to be born, therefore he never had a fatherly figure with him (except for his grandfather who I am sure played a major role in raising him and Kagome); he had his mother and his older sister who looked after him all the time, they were always there for him and he was literally the baby of the family.

Until the incident with the well happened. It turned the simple life of Higurashi family upside down. Sota however never appeared to have a problem with the existence of demons or the fact there were times a guy with silver hair and dog ears appeared in their house looking for his sister, in fact...he liked it and he saw in Inuyasha the brother he never had, the male figure he was probably lacking in his life. For those who didn’t watch the japanese dub, Sota called him “Inu-onii-chan” all the time, which translates to Big Brother Inu.

Then the well vanishes, Kagome returns safe and sound but the portal between worlds closes. Everything is back to normal.

Three years later and suddenly his sister makes the decision to leave for good, she has crossed the portal between the two worlds once again and never returned. Kaede, in the latest episode, said over 15 years had passed since the last time the well was used. This means Sota hasn’t seen his sister in over 15 years. Yes, he didn’t hesitate to adopt Towa after he met her because he knew demons existed and he knew probably nobody else would take in and help a four year old child who had out of the normal hair and eye color. There is even a chance that by looking at Towa and seeing her white hair, Sota might have thought that she was Inuyasha’s and Kagome’s daughter because until then he had only met one person with white hair.

10 years later after adopting Towa, these two mysterious girls cross a portal and one of them had an awfully big resemblance to his sister. We as the audience of course know she looks exactly like both her parents and whose daughter she is, not just because we have been told prior to the beginning of the series but because we have seen how she acts, how she speaks, what her abilities are.

But please let’s keep in mind that the Higurashi family hasn’t seen their beloved Kagome for over 15 years, that is a very long time! Even Mama Higurashi says “Her eyes look like Kagome” and has apparently told Sota that Moroha might be her daughter. Might is the keyword here. Moroha, according to her initial bio, doesn’t remember much of her parents and therefor there is a chance that even if the Higurashi family shows her photos of Kagome or even mentions her name, Moroha might be “Who? Never heard that name before.”

To us it’s frustrating because we know the truth but to them, the characters, it’s a crush of hope, this girl who they thought was Kagome’s daughter says she never heard that name before thus breaking down any connection the family believed they might have.

In short, they would be getting their hopes up for nothing!

So ask me? Kagome is a very touchy subject for Sota to talk about, speaking about the existence of demons is one thing but speaking specifically about his sister might bring bitter memories to Sota. That could be the reason he probably never mentioned his sister to Towa or talked about her travels with Inuyasha through the well (which has stopped working, it would also be giving Towa hopes that she could eventually cross back to her world). In the second preview of the next episode, we have two shots of Towa and Sota in a bedroom which is most likely Kagome’s old room, all packed up, and Sota is holding what looks like an album of photos. This to me, is the moment Sota reveals to Towa that he had an older sister and reveals what happen to her.

In that scene we see Sota’s face shadowed and Towa with a concerned face, there is also a scene of Towa hugging him tightly, whether they are crying or not is still up to debate.

Sota has never met his father, lost his sister to another world he can’t reach her when he was just 11 years old and now might have to bid goodbye for good to his eldest daughter (they don’t know if the portals can be open again, considering this one opening is because Moroha will make a deal with Root Head).

So I really can’t blame Sota for lacking in reaction regarding Moroha nor the fact he most likely never told Towa about having an older sister that crossed worlds.

[twomoonstwosuns]

dinner.

back to you [series masterlist]

previous part · next part

pairing: professor!poe dameron x reader

warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol, age gap (reader over 18), things aren’t fluffy anymore.

word count: 2.8k

a/n: i really appreciate the love for the last chapter, i am truly glad you enjoyed it. i am my own worst critic and sometimes i feel unsure about what i write and need some validation.  

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Heels were not fun to wear in the middle of winter. 

Heels plus invisible ice equaled a disaster waiting to happen, even to the most experienced heel-wearers. You tried to avoid getting dressed up during the winter as much as you could for that very reason. However, dinner at Calrissian’s required a little more effort than a nice pair of pants and a nice top, which is how you found yourself in a fitted dress with heels, hair curled and makeup intricately done, sipping on a glass of wine that cost way more than it should.

You were practically counting the minutes until you could leave. You were going straight to Poe’s afterwards, a newly bought surprise for him hugging your body just underneath your dress.

“How’s my niece or nephew doing?” You asked as Tallie sat down on your right. She was four months pregnant and just beginning to show.

“I am hungry all the time and I have the weirdest cravings, so don’t judge whatever I choose to eat tonight. You know I actually had Chris go get me pickles and ice cream last night?” You gave her a disgusted look. “I’m a walking pregnancy cliché.”

“Are you guys going to find out the sex?”

“We haven’t decided. Chris and I keep going back and forth on whether we want to know or not. I have an appointment next week and I’m hoping we’ll make a decision right then and there.”

“If you do find out, promise me you won’t do an over-the-top stupid cheesy gender reveal. Just get cake or something.”

“I promise.” You clinked your wine glass against her glass of water to seal the deal. Your mother suddenly standing up from her end of the table with an excited gasp caught your attention.

“Leia, it’s so good to see you!”

She greeted a woman with graying hair done up in an intricate braid. You recognized the woman immediately. You were too blindsided at the coincidence of running into her to question how your mother knew her. The two women hugged before your mother beckoned you and Tallie over.  

“Tallie, Y/N, this is Dr. Organa.”

You shook Leia’s outstretched hand, an awed smile on your face.

“I know,” you said dumbly. “I mean, I go to your school.”

“I thought I’d seen you around campus before. Lots of students, but I’m good with faces.” Leia gave you a kind smile. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“You too, ma’am.”

“Are Ben and Han not coming?” Your mother asked, looking around towards the entrance. Leia chuckled.

“My husband and son are late, as usual.” You furrowed your brow.

“Wait, you’re—you’re Ben’s mom?”

“Why did you think she was here?” Tallie asked. You shot her a glare before looking back at Leia.

“I’m sorry, I—you go by Organa not Solo, so I didn’t realize—”

“One thing I learned is that you don’t need your husband’s last name if you don’t want it. Doesn’t mean I love him any less. But I’ve got the doctorate, not him.”

She sent you a wink and you smiled nervously. You took a giant sip of wine as you came to an unsettling realization: you were about to dine with your ex-boyfriend’s mom who also happened to be the president of the university your current boyfriend, who you weren’t supposed to be dating in the first place, taught at and who would be interviewing for a promotion with very soon.

You had a feeling it would be a long night.  

“There they are!”

The booming voice of Han Solo caused many heads to turn, yet he didn’t seem to care. He was just as roguish and scruffy looking as you remembered, a look that worked quite well for him. His graying hair didn’t slow him down.

You practically did a double take when you saw the man trailing behind him.

He was taller than his father now. The freckles and moles that marked his face were as prominent as ever and jet-black hair had grown out to brush the top of his shoulders. He smiled as he greeted your mom, his dimples deep. He was no longer the tall boy with big ears that stuck out and a goofy smile.

Ben Solo was a man.  

Your breath caught when he looked at you, memories of high school flooding back. Deep brown eyes looked you up and down, like he was trying to remember what you looked like the last time he saw you.

“Hi,” your voice was breathy, nervous. Ben gave you a shy smile, feeling the same awkward tension in the air. You stared at him, still not believing how much older he looked after four years. Han interrupted your moment by patting you on the back and giving you a short hug.

When they were seated, a waiter came around with the wine list and menus for the newcomers. Conversation stalled as everyone looked at the menu, starting up again when the waiter came and left with his or her orders. A toast to old friends was made before Han launched into some story about a trip to Africa he was planning, with Leia, Tallie, and your mother listening intently. You turned your body towards Ben.

“Tell me about Europe.”

Ben leaned forward onto his elbows, his broad frame taking up a lot of space.

“I dropped out of school.” He admitted, his voice deeper than you remember. You tilted your head in a concerned way. He waved it off like it was nothing. “I thought I knew what I wanted to do but after last year I realized I had no clue. So I dropped out and I’ve been traveling ever since. I’ve been all over, not staying in a place long enough to get attached but long enough to get to know some of the locals, the best hide away spots.”

You were joyfully envious of him. “That’s awesome, though. I hope I get to travel like you have someday.” You nodded your head in the direction of his parents. “How’d they take it?”

“Upset at first.” He shrugged with a small grin. “Dad not as much.”

“He’s always been a ‘oh-you’re-going-somewhere-count-me-in’ kind of person, hasn’t he?”

“Yeah, he hasn’t changed much.”

You smiled politely. “So what’re you going to do now?”

“I’m not sure. Travel more. Do an internship. I haven’t decided.”

It was nice to catch up with Ben on the last four years. You had always loved talking to him, even before you dated. Ben was very passionate person, always gushing about something he loved when someone expressed interest in it. He saw the beauty in things; the tiny, unique details that a lot of people didn’t bother to look for.

It was one of the things that initially drew you to him. Coincidentally, it was one of the things that drew you to Poe as well.

“How’s Chewie doing?” You asked, remembering the brown labradoodle that the Solos had had since Ben was a child. 

“He’s---”

“Y/N, are you seeing anyone these days?”

You were so caught up in conversation with Ben that you didn’t hear the other conversation switch from travel stories to Tallie’s relationship and pregnancy. Your eyes snapped up to Han and then to your mother and to Ben. You cleared your throat uncomfortably. Were you really about to tell your mom, sister and ex that you were in a relationship? You saw Leia looking at you with the same interested look as your mother and you knew you couldn’t say anything.

“I’m just trying to make it through the semester so I can graduate.”

“That’s technically not a ‘no’.” Tallie pointed out. You glared at her. Ben placed his hand on your arm. 

“Chewie’s old but still good.”

You smiled appreciatively as the food came, and not a moment too soon. As you ate, Ben asked about you, how school was going, what you chose for your major, and your plans for the future. You reminisced about high school, the good and the cringey moments. He avoided asking more questions about your dating life and you had never been more grateful.

Dessert was to go, the opportunity to sample it too good to pass up but stomachs full from the delicious meal you had just eaten. You snagged a few bites of your dessert before deciding to give the rest to Poe. You practically pushed your mother and sister out of the restaurant. Despite having a nice time, you really just wanted to go see Poe.  

“Hey,” Ben put a hand on your forearm as you stepped into the chill of the night. “I just wanted to say I heard about your dad. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks.” You gave him a tight-lipped smile. “It’s been…it’s been weird.”

“You can always reach out if you want to talk about it. I’m a good listener.”

“Yeah, I know you are,” you said. “It was good to see you, Ben.”

You opened your arms for a friendly hug. He stepped in, towering over you as you gave him a couple friendly pats on the back. Ben lingered into your touch a little bit and you cleared your throat awkwardly as you pulled away.

“I’ll see you around,” you yelled back as you found your car, getting in before you could see the way Ben watched you leave with a small smile and an optimistic look on his face.

》 》 》

“I brought you cheesecake!” you sang as you entered Poe’s apartment. He looked up at the sound of your heels against the hardwood floor of his kitchen. “It is phenomenal. I did sneak a few bites but the rest is yours and you are going to love it.”

You leaned over to give Poe a quick kiss hello but he quickly grabbed the lapel of your coat before you backed away. His hands slid underneath your open coat to rest on your waist as he softly pecked your lips several times. After five months worth of kisses, he still took your breath away like it was the first time. Poe smiled contently as he pulled away, keeping you close to him. He kissed the tip of your thumb as you wiped the away lipstick that was smudged on his face.

“How was dinner?” You shrugged.

“Not as boring as I thought it was going to be.”

“Well, you look beautiful.”

“Thank you. I froze my ass off wearing this though.”

“Then you are a very beautiful popsicle.”

“Well if you think I look beautiful now, then you are going to love what I have on underneath.”

Poe practically growled as his head fell onto your shoulder, his lips finding where your neck met your collarbone. It was exactly the reaction you were hoping for, but you needed to talk to him first. With a light chuckle, you gently pushed him towards the counter and held the fork out to him.  

“You need to eat this cheesecake first,” you said, the tone of your voice becoming a little less light-hearted. “And there’s something I have to tell you that’s kind of important.”

Poe stepped away from you and grabbed the fork, taking the box with the cheesecake in it and leaning against the back of the counter. You wrung your hands nervously and cleared your throat as Poe took a bite of the cheesecake, his brown eyes looking at you expectedly. You took a deep breath. Truth time.

“First of all, the family I went to dinner with tonight, the Solos? They’re family friends but their son Ben and I were in a relationship in high school.”

Poe froze mid-chew and was still for a moment before nodding slowly. He kept looking down, like he didn’t want to be bothered by what you were saying but couldn’t help it.

“Ben’s mother…is Leia Organa.” Poe finally looked up at you, his brow furrowed.

“President Organa?!” He asked in disbelief. You nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know.”

“How could you not know?”

His curt tone surprised you. It honestly felt like no big deal to you. In fact, you thought he’d welcome the information even if it wasn’t good news, but instead you felt judged; like you were dumb for not knowing something so general about the person you were dating.

“I never met her.” You kept your voice calm. “She was teaching somewhere in Europe when we dated. She goes by Organa, not Solo, so I never made the connection.”

Poe nodded in understanding, stabbing the cheesecake unnecessarily hard. You flinched. “Is that it?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

An awkward silence filled the apartment. Neither of you said a word and neither of you so much as glanced at each other.

“So Ben…” You looked back at him and stared with eyebrows raised, waiting to see where he was going to go. “Did you tell him you’re dating someone?”

“No.” It was Poe’s turn to stare at you and wait for a response. “I couldn’t tell my mother, my sister, my ex, and my ex’s parents I was seeing somebody. They’d press me for information and…Poe’s not a very common name. Leia would’ve made the connection, she knows I’m a student here.”

“So, your ex still thinks you’re single.”

“It’s not like he’s still in love with me after four years.”

“You don’t know that.”

“And even if he was, who cares? I’m with you. I’m in a relationship with you.”

“But he doesn’t know that, so he thinks he still has a chance. If he wants it.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “I was just being honest with you, Poe.”

“I appreciate it.”

You scoffed. “Yeah, I can tell.”

Poe scoffed right back, a hand going on his hip. You recognized this stance. You hadn’t seen it from him but you’d seen it before. He was bracing for a fight. “You’re being honest, but it doesn’t mean I have to like what you’re telling me.”

“Would you rather I have not told you?” When Poe didn’t answer, you sighed heavily. “Not that my life is any of his business anymore, but I’ll tell him if that’s what you want. And I’ll tell my mom and sister even though I’m not ready.”

“Don’t do that,” Poe said, frustration starting to rise in him. “Don’t act like I’m telling you what to do. I’m not telling you what to do.”

“No it’s fine, I’ll tell them. I don’t know how my mom will take it given what she’s gone through, but I’ll tell her. It’s clearly what you want.”

Poe ran a hand through his hair. “Y/N, she’s going to deal with it with the rest of her life. There may never be a perfect time to tell her something she might not be happy with.”

“My parents were married for twenty-eight years! Twenty-eight years and my dad up and left, knowing that he was breaking her heart. He willingly broke her heart.”

“I understand—“

“No, you don’t. Your mom didn’t willingly leave you.”

Poe clenched his jaw. You quietly gasped at your own words and your eyes cast downward in shame. Your lips rolled in as your ears picked up the sound of a heavy sigh.

“Poe, I didn’t—“

Poe shook his head and walked into his bedroom, closing the door quietly behind him. Your chin dropped to your chest and swore under your breath. Calling his name, you walked towards his door. The only sound that was heard was the sound of Beebs’ collar jingling as he looked up at the sudden noise. You hung around for a few minutes, not hearing anything on the other side of his bedroom door, before walking back into the kitchen.

There were a million things you wanted to say, but you didn’t know where to start. You wanted to apologize and chastise him for walking off at the same time. You wanted to barge into his room and make him talk to you. But him ignoring you was a sign that you both needed time to cool off before you said something you’d regret.

You reluctantly walked out the door with tears swimming in your eyes and a heavy weight in your chest.

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Suga Craze [Eight] | Suga

[Seven] [Masterlist]

The past few days have been boring and just sad. Yoongi has yet to let me leave the house. He told Jin to make sure that I was excused from work. On top of being stuck in my room, I had a babysitter watching my every move. At first, Jungkook kept watch, then J-Hope and so on as they began to take shifts. Going to the bathroom alone wasn’t even allowed. They had to call Yoongi to watch me use the bathroom and if he wasn’t available then I had to hold it in.

“Here’s your food, noona.” Jimin slides the tray of food towards me on the coffee table.

If I weren’t pregnant, I wouldn’t be eating at all but with the baby in mind I think twice about being on a hunger strike.

He lifts up a plastic bag. “I also brought some cookies and stuff if you get any cravings.”

“How’s Suga?” I ask him.

Since locking me away from the outside world, I haven’t seen him around much other than to watch me shower and use the bathroom. Each time he never said a word to me. I was too upset over the current situation that I didn’t bother to talk to him either just to see if he would eventually crack but we’re both too stubborn.

“He’s working really hard to find out what’s going on with EXO. Soon enough he’ll let you off of house arrest.” He reassures me.

I scoff, “House arrest? Don’t you mean suicide watch?”

Jimin looks at his hands, “He doesn’t think you’ll hurt yourself but he doesn’t want to be wrong. He’s even asked for CL’s help and he hasn’t done that in years.”

“Yeah, they seem to understand each other really well.” I say sarcastically.

“It’s not like that, noona. Suga loves you. You were his goal ever since I met him. It may not seem like it but he’s hurting too.”

I sigh, “I could help him if he would just let me. Instead, he locks me away in the tower like Repunzel.”

“What would you do?” He asks.

“I’d go straight to the source myself and confront them. End it once and for all.”

“Do you really think EXO is behind it?”

I shrug my shoulder, “I don’t know how they’re involved but they know something about Hyung-Sik. I intend to find out with or without Suga’s help.”

I stand to leave but Jimin blocks my way out, “Y/N, you can’t leave. You’re carrying my little niece or nephew and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Jimin, don’t make me fight you. You can either step aside or help me.” He looks skeptical but if he truly wants to help me then he should follow my lead. “You helped me once before and I trusted you to take the shot, now I’m asking you to trust me to find out who is behind all this.”

He sighs before nodding, “Okay, I trust you.”

It wasn’t as difficult to sneak out of the penthouse this time around since everyone was out conducting their own investigations to who was plotting against us. Jimin and I drove to EXO’s mansion. I can certainly see why Suho was a runner up in becoming my husband. He’s smart in all aspects of international exports. Hence the extra traveling he’s been doing all round Japan and China.

“Are you sure about this?” Jimin asks before exiting the car.

I nod, “Just follow my lead and everything will go accordingly.”

After going over the plan with Jimin, we approach the gates of EXO’s mansion. It takes but a few seconds for them to open and we’re met with two men at the front door. Two of the same men that came with Suho to my dad’s funeral. They were both fairly tall, wearing black and had numbers etched into their jackets, one looked more alluring and had the number 88 and the other looks serious with the number 94.

“Mrs. Min, please state your business.” Number 88 asks in a kind tone but between the lines it sounded more hostile.

I place my arms on my hips to show some amount of confidence in my presence, “I came to speak with Suho over some private matters. I think he’d be interested to see me about.”

The taller one nods and walks off leaving us with the other. It doesn’t take long for two more members to come out and greet us. “Mrs. Min, my name is Chanyeol and this is Baekhyun.” The tallest member says.

Baekhyun signals for us to enter, “We will take you to see Suho.”

We walk through the grand house past a giant stairway that’s in the center and splits in two different directions. Jimin stayed close behind me keeping his eyes open to the surroundings.

Entering Suho’s office, he was seated at his desk with four of the other members in the room with him. Once I enter, Suho rises to his feet to welcome me into his home.

“Y/N, I have to say that this is a pleasant surprise. Please have a seat.” I take a seat in one of the chairs across from his desk. Jimin stays standing over my shoulder. Suho had his own men stay in the room with him which is going to be a problem so I have to get them out of here in order for my plan to work. “Sehun tells me that you have something important to talk to me about.”

I nod, “I have business to discuss with you but it’s a bit crowded in here to talk to you about it. You see, I’m a little shy.” I point at the four men staring at me.

He smirks, “To be honest Y/N, I’m not only surprised that you would come to me about business but that you’d come without your husband. Why is that?” He tilts his head in curiosity.

I bite my lip, “I can understand. All I can say is that my business with you has nothing to do with Suga if you’re catching my meaning.”

Suho stares at me intently until a smirk appears on his face, “Leave us to talk.”

“Suho.” The one with the cat-like eyes objects.

The other with the cheshire mouth adds, “Excuse us for objecting but we don’t feel comfortable leaving you alone with these two.”

I quickly interject, “If your members truly feel threatened by us then how about just the two of us talk then. That is if you promise to treat Jimin well.” 

Suho nods, “Of course, you’re both guests in my home. Lay, please treat Jimin with respect while you keep him company.”

“Noona,” Jimin objects.

“Jimin,” I stare at him, “I’ll be fine. Please go and wait for me.” I have a much greater chance of doing this alone but I still have to be careful with how I choose to go about this, for Jimin’s sake as well as my baby’s.

The room clears out until it’s just me and Suho left alone in the big office. I stand from my seat and approach his desk. “The room is all ours. You can speak freely now.” He says.

“I have to say I’m in love with your house. So much more classy than ours. It’s almost like kings live here.” I place my hands on the front of his desk and lean forwards to show a little cleavage that has grown to surprise me as well. 

Suho sits up from his seat, “I’m sure you didn’t come all this way just to have a tour of my house. Why don’t you get to the real reason why you’re here.”

“Tell me something, is it true that you wanted to marry me?” I ask.

Suho keeps a straight face, “Yes, I offered to have you as my wife but your father had decided that it wouldn’t be the best idea since I travel a lot. He wanted someone that was going to always be there for you.”

I nod slowly making my way around his desk and take a seat on the edge, “Things have been getting a little rocky between Suga and I. He got mad at me recently and locked me away as punishment. I was so bored. It wasn’t until I started thinking about you and our dance together at the party.” I begin to stroke my fingertips down my chest towards my thighs. Suho’s eyes follow my movement just as I planned.

“Really?” Suho stands from his chair and slowly approaches me, “What about it?”

I take his hand and graze my nails against his palms, “The feeling of your hands on me helped me get through the lonely nights.” I place his hand on my thigh as I open my knees wider to lure him in. “I usually never go against my dad’s judgement but I started thinking maybe he chose the wrong husband for me.”

My seduction was beginning to work as Suho slowly walked into the space between my legs. Once he got close enough I could spot the pistol he had in his waistband. If I could get him just a little closer.

“Believe me when I tell you that I’m not all it’s cracked up to be.” He says through a chuckle.

“Let’s say you’d have a wife. Would you take her with you on your travels?”

He smirks, “If that’s what she wanted, of course I would.”

“Where would you take her?” I lean in to brush my lips against his.

“I’d take her someplace where she can make all the noises from her orgasms and no one would hear it.” He says through a hoarse tone.

“Your wife is gonna be one lucky woman.” Just as swiftly as I got him close to me, I raised the pistol to his jaw. “If you tell me what I want to know, you’ll have a chance in finding her.”

Suho chuckles in disbelief, “I should’ve known it was too good to be true. I have to say you’re the first woman to ever give me blue balls.”

I push the gun deeper into his skin, “You make any sudden movements and I’ll make them red balls just as quick.” I threaten.

“Okay,” he raises his hands. “You have my attention.”

I start asking the questions I want to know, “Hyung-Sik, where is he? How did he survive?”

He looks at me in confusion, “Park Hyung-Sik? Even if he was alive, why would I know where he is?”

“Cut the bullshit! I know that you're behind all this. You killed my dad and you’re trying to take over. You ambushed me and CL the other night. You can’t lie about it. I saw the tattoos that only EXO wears. How did you plan it?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I pull on his collar to shake him, “Quit playing your games! I caught you.”

“I’m being honest. Whatever has been happening to you has nothing to do with me or EXO. I already told you that I have nothing against Bangtan. You say the men that attacked you had the markings of EXO? Which arm did they have it on?”

“What difference does it make?”

He lifts up his left sleeve to show the tattoo, “All of us have it on our left wrists. People often mistake that little fact.” The more I think about it, I realize that it was on the guy’s right arm. That can’t be the only proof he has.

“Let me tell you a little secret. I owed your father my life.” He looks me in the eyes with the most sincerest look. “When EXO arrived on the scene we were treated like shit. No one gave us an ounce of respect to the point where we were hunted for fun along with bounties placed on each of our heads. Three of our own members left when things started to get worse.”

“What does my dad have to do with that?” I ask.

“One night we were surrounded. We were lined up for execution but I offered to give my life in exchange for the rest of the members. They obviously didn’t care to let any of us live so they had me go first. Just when my life was flashing before my eyes, your father came to our aid. He offered to pay them to let us go and when they didn’t, he killed them. Your father took us in and gave us work in order to grow. I meant what I said at his funeral. I have all the respect for him. That’s why I offered to marry you.” Slowly I lowered the pistol away from his face but I still keep it pointed at him.

“Besides,” He adds on, “I’m not the only one you should be interrogating.”

“What are you talking about?”

He shakes his head, “Your best friend, CL, isn’t what she seems.”

“CL? She and Suga have been close for years. Why would she come after me and hurt Suga in the process?”

He shrugs, “I don’t know the details but that day at the party she came to me to talk. She started talking about you to me but in reality she was trying to stir something up between us. She tried to convince me that I was the right choice for a husband.”

“She was instigating you to come after me?” The confusion grew deeper, “Why didn’t you fall for it?”

He nods, “Like I said, I respected your dad’s choice. As much of an honor it would’ve been to marry you, I know that I couldn’t give you the attention you deserve as my wife.”

I begin to take in all this new information he’s giving me but how can I actually believe him?

He smirks, “I can see that you’re still skeptical.” He points at the pistol in my hand, “Would it help if I told you that the gun has been empty this whole time?”

Backing up a few steps, I empty out the gun to find there’s not even a clip inside it. This whole time he knew and he could’ve killed me at any moment but didn’t.

“You’re not the first woman to reach for my gun.” He says jokingly.

I scoff giving his gun back, “Fine, I believe you.”

Suho takes the pistol and places it back into his waistband, “You wanna tell me what’s been going on?”

After clearing the air with Suho, I tell him about all the things that have been happening to me. It feels nice to actually have someone listen to what I’ve been trying to explain to Yoongi. Now that I have the culprit in my sights I have to warn Yoongi about her.

Thinking back on the events, CL was the only one that was with me during the time I was attacked. She saw Hyung-Sik that day but acted like there was no one there to have me believe that I was losing my mind. She continued the charade when we were attacked by, who I thought was EXO, but she once again acted like nothing happened to make everyone turn against me. I was already talking about what I was seeing like a crazy person that she was the only witness to put my information down. Obviously, Yoongi would believe her especially with their history of trust together. I just need to know what she wants from me.

Jimin and I return to the penthouse to find it quiet. Usually if Yoongi has found out that I left while under house arrest he would be turning the city upside down to find me.

“Do you think Suga will believe you?” Jimin asks as we wait in the elevator.

“I don’t but I have to try. CL could be plotting to get rid of both of us by separating us.”

He scoffs, “I would’ve never thought CL would do something like this to Suga. They've been friends for years.”

I nod, “Yeah, well you know that saying. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”

Once the elevator doors open, we enter the penthouse door to find Yoongi standing there with his arms crossed. He rushes to approach us but passes me completely and strikes Jimin in the face.

“Yoongi!” I rush to look at Jimin. His lip is bleeding. 

“I trusted you to keep her here and you disobey my order!” He basically roars his anger on Jimin.

I stand between the two, “No, it was my doing. If you wanna blame someone then blame me. Hit me instead. Jimin was only trying to help me.”

“Help you?!” He asks sarcastically.

“Listen to me first, I know who’s been coming after me. I went to talk to Suho and-”

Yoongi’s voice overpowers mine, “Suho! You went to EXO’s mansion? Did you have fun while I was worried to fucking death about you?!”

I wave my hands trying to get my point across before he continues to lecture me, “You’re not listening?! It’s not him that’s been terrorizing me.”

Just as I’m about to tell him everything I spot the members of Bangtan coming from Yoongi’s office along with the woman I’ve been meaning to see.

Storming past Yoongi, I stand face-to-face with CL and my fist also gets to meet her face. Before I could do any more, Namjoon and Jungkook grab me by the arms to pull me away from her. She stands there looking shocked with her hand on her jaw. Jin rushes to her side to take a look at the damage which wasn’t as much as I wanted to cause. She continues the innocent facade.

“Y/N, what are you doing?” Namjoon asks.

“It’s her. She’s the one that’s after us.” I try to fight out of their grip but it’s no use.

Jimin jumps in to help but J-Hope intercepts him and holds him back. “Suga, she’s telling the truth. She’s your wife, you have to at least listen to what she has to say.”

“That’s enough! You’re a part of the problem, Jimin. You’ve been egging her on about everything. I’m making sure you two stay away from each other.” Just then J-Hope manages to drag Jimin back into the elevator and separate the only person that knows the truth.

“Yoongi!” I yell at his back, “Yoongi, look at me.” He doesn’t but I can see that he has a pained look on his face seeing me in this state.

CL approaches to pat Yoongi on the back which enrages me, “Suga, I think the issue is only getting worse. My offer still stands to take her to my safe house until she gets a better hold of herself.”

“Yoongi, don’t listen to her. That’s what she wants. To separate us. She’s trying to get rid of me. She’s helping Hyung-Sik get back at us.”

Yoongi finally turns to look at me, “Jin, sedate her.”

My heart drops into my stomach as Jin reaches into his pocket to pull out a needle. He draws closer to me with it. He looks conflicted on it but shakes it away. I start fighting Jungkook and Namjoon’s hold.

I use the hold on my arms to kick the syringe out of Jin’s hands and kick him away. It’s not until I headbutt Jungkook and swipe Namjoon’s feet from under him that I get free. I have the option to run towards the elevator and get out of here but I can’t leave Yoongi alone with CL, knowing that she could hurt him at any moment. I try once more to convince him by running towards him and embracing him. I hold him tight until he reaches to embrace me back.

I whisper in his ear, “Yoongi, please don’t do this. I love you so much and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

I can hear him trying so hard to hold his sobs back. I look over his shoulder to see CL standing there with a smug look on her face as if she’s won but I know that Yoongi will choose me over her any day.

“I love you too,” a burst of hope rising in me but that’s quickly extinguished when I feel a pinch on my thigh, “I don’t want you to get hurt either.”

I look at my thigh where a syringe is poking out of my skin. Yoongi pulls the needle out as he keeps his eyes on me. I let a tear fall down my cheek as my eyes begin to fog and my motor skills become like jelly. Yoongi catches me once my legs stop responding and the heavy feeling of sleep begins to overpower me.

The last thing I see is Yoongi’s face and then nothing at all.

[Nine]

[kajsa-writes-sometimes]

Chp. II: Miss Amanda Pailey

The door closes behind her. A dejected sigh left her lips as she pulled the cloak closer around her shoulders. Apparently not a single soul in the entire city hadn't read about her recent fiasco. Mrs. Milligan had caught her up just as she was about to leave the house and told her that she shouldn't fear losing her job. They had always been very fond of her and what the critics wrote about her book wouldn't sway their opinion of her, but - here Mrs. Milligan made a point out of giving her hand a tight squeeze - Mr. Milligan didn't want his children to get any ideas so if she could avoid bringing her personal views into the tutoring of the siblings, they would appreciate it.

Angelina shook her head and brushed an imaginary dust pellet off her dress. She had promised not to bring up the content of her writings while under the Milligan's roof, and then Mrs. Milligan had sent her off with a big smile and a small purse containing her fee.

The Milligan siblings had been under her tutoring since the previous summer, and she had had the pleasure of teaching the little scoundrels the basics of the written language, algebra, and sewing (although the latter of the three was restricted to the sister).

The Milligans moved to the city less than a generation ago, and both the parents still bore a gruff air about them. Mr. Milligan's hands were still large and ruff from numerous hours of hard labor, and Mrs. Milligan lacked the refinement of someone who had been born into old money. For Angelina (and probably the rest of the world too) it was painfully clear that the Milligans were nothing but a good impersonation of a well-off family.

For Angelina it made little difference. In actuality, she had little opinion of her employer as long as they paid her fee on time, and didn't fire her out of fear for what being associated with her name might mean for the family's good name.

As she turned down a narrow street, the clocks struck six o'clock and she could have cursed herself had she had the breath to do so. When the first chime sounded, she spread up in the hopes that she might beat the nature of time. The fifth stroke resonated between the yellow brick houses as she turned into the stairway of her friend's pensionate.

"I'm terribly sorry I'm late," she gasped as soon as the door opened. "Mrs. Milligan insisted we talk just as I was about to leave!"

"Don't fret about it, Angie. If I didn't know you by now, I think we should reevaluate our friendship. We have, after all, known each other for eight years."

Miss Amanda Pailey pulled her into the tiny, but cozy rooms and helped her friend get out of the cape.

"I know, I know- you are right as always, my dear," Angelina said as she straightened her back.

As Amanda ordered her friend to take a seat on a light red shasilong, she pulled together a tray of sandwiches and hot pies she had bought just that afternoon. It had been almost half a month since the friends had seen eachother last and much had happened for them both.

As the two young ladies nibbled away on their dinner, they both took the opportunity to look over the other. Angelina thought her friend looked as if she was glowing: her hair looked healthier and there was only the shadow of sleeplessness in her face. Amanda on the other hand couldn't help but notice how her friend's dress seemed almost half a size too big for her frame, and how her cheekbones stood out even clearer than they should.

"Please tell me you are eating probably," Amanda said as she lifted another pie onto her friend's plate.

"Always so worried about me. I'm eating all I can."

"Don't forget I know you well, and eating all you can is definitely not the same as eating enough."

Angelina avoided her friend's gaze as she took another bite of the pie. A sweet taste filled her mouth, and a soft moan escaped her against her will.

"Is it honey glazed pork with mashed potatoes?" she asked her friend.

"Well, at that price I wouldn't trust it being pork, but yes. I got an extra in the bag, and you are taking it home."

"I couldn't possibly-" Angelina started, but she was cut off.

"And I won't take no for an answer. I'm getting married in three months and I wouldn't want my bridesmaid to look like a walking corpse now, would I?"

Happy for the easy escape, Angelina grabbed the mention of her friend's wedding to guide the attention away from herself.

"So how is it going with your Mr. Harrington?"

"We've found a church with a kind, young priest who is willing to wed us. It's just down Almond Street. You must have seen it when you go round that way. I admit it looks rather dull from the outside, but the vicar has set a date and promised that the organist will play what we ask of him as long as it's nothing unseemly."

"Have you thought about where you are going to live after the ceremony? I doubt Mr. Harrington would be welcome here," Angelina asked.

"We haven't yet, but Pete is looking for pensinates that we can afford that will let us live together." Amanda sent her friend a small smile laden with all the sadness that her friend newingered just beneath the surface.

"You'll find something, I promise," she said, but both women were well aware that she was in no position to uphold her promise.

"Now we are on the topic of the future, how is your novel coming along?"

Amanda rose from her place and took the tray out. Angelina turned her head and rested an arm on the back of the chaiselong so she could watch her friend prepare a pot of tea.

They were a few years apart, but in the eight years their friendship had lasted, it had never been a problem. In all honesty there really wasn't that much of a difference between being twenty one and twenty three years old.

The greatest difference was the fact that Amanda had been engaged to Mr. Pete Harrington for the last three and a half year, and that Angelina had only ever had the irregular fling and known the fleeting butterflies of a summer's love. Angelina knew that if Amanda had had any say in the matter, they would have been happily married a long time ago, but her aunt had insisted the young man who had claimed the heart of her niece prove that he would be able to provide for his wife before they entered wedlock.

Three years later Mr. Pete Harrington had a job that had in prestige what it lacked in excitement. After having worked at an office in town for half a year and a half, Mr. Harrington had been hired by the University. A year later he had gotten a permanent position as the head secretary of the University Enrollment Office, and although Hemwick University wasn't as well known as Oxford, it attracted students from all across Europe. With the job secured Amanda and Mr. Harrington had once more approached Amanda's aunt and she had finally given the young couple her blessing. Now it was a matter of months before the wedding, and Amanda would be known as Mrs. Harrington by the age of twenty three.

"Well, you've got nothing to say? That doesn't seem like you," Amanda said as she returned to her seat.

"I'm terribly sorry, but my mind seems to be all over the place these days," Angelina shrugged as she thought about the Duke's letter that still lay on the table next to her typewriter. "It appears that there is no one who hasn't heard about my recent flob, and half the world seems keen to remind me that I have chosen a path not suited for young women."

"I'm truly sorry to hear so, but we both know that is not what is bothering you," Amanda said and fixed a curl that had escaped her intricate hairdo.

Angelina rose to her feet and started walking in circles on the floor. Writhing her hands in front of her, she considered if she should tell her friend about her correspondence with the Duke. None of them lived under the assumption that they told each other everything, but the length of their relationship meant that they shared most things.

Maybe a light version of the truth would do? She stopped in the middle of the floor and met her friend's warm, brown eyes.

"I received a letter, you see, from a reader who wanted to tell me how much he enjoyed my work."

Amanda lifted the cup to her lips wondering where this story would lead. She couldn't see what her friend found so upsetting about a from an admirer of her work.

"And I'm somewhat afraid that I might have offended him with my reply to his letter."

"Would it be so bad if you have offended this man?"

"I fear so. He has a good reputation and if he decided to smear my book, it could end my career faster than you would need to make a cup of tea!"

Angelina made something that resembled but wasn't quite a pirouette on the spot.

"Oh, wouldn't the critics love it if I should put down my pen and return to the quiet life of an upstanding woman!"

"They probably would, but I doubt you have anything to fear. I am sure you fret for nothing, and that he will be so awestruck by the reply you send him that he'll have no time to be offended." Amanda rose and placed a hand on her friend's upper arm. "Now let's sit down and I'll tell you how the wedding planning is going. That is sure to take your mind off things."

And so the two young women once more took a seat, and for an evening some of the tension left Angelina's shoulders. As she walked home later that night, she almost succeeded at convincing herself that she would soon return to her daily life with no more interruptions in the form of handwritten letters on cream coloured paper.

The entire story can be found on Wattpad as I slowly update or by following the links in this master post

[enchanted--realm]

When Calls The Heart Live Rambles

S8 ep8 Parades and Charades (or something like that)

My gosh this episode is perhaps the best one we've had all season, and by that I just mean that Elizabeth actually had screen time, and she had actual lines, and she was part of plot that is relevant to h e r. Finally, the main character actually felt like the main character. HOWEVER, she is not very likeable in this episode, I must say (she hasn't been likeable for a while but you know)

The start of the episode when Elizabeth comes off her horse and she tries to talk to Nathan. I'm so glad that Nathan is firm even when Elizabeth doesnt like it. And he's not mean about it, he just tries to be honest while protecting himself and Allie from getting hurt even more. I honestly just love it when Elizabeth and Nathan have disagreements in general because when they do have arguments, it's usually because someone's feelings are showing and then it resolves in having made good progress in deepening their relationship. Elizabeth was totally out of line during that conversation btw. 'Now you're just being hurtful', um says the woman who rejected this man's love proposal and is now hurt that his niece didn't want to invite her to her very important and personal adoption ceremony...wow Elizabeth you really be asking for a lot. And then she's upset that he has to ride off to take care of mountie business. Yes, Elizabeth, this man has a job to do and your conversation will have to wait, sorry girlfriend.

When Nathan told Lucas to 'Save it' haha! Though I enjoyed it, I hope they don't write Lucas and Nathan to turn into enemies bc they are both pining for Elizabeth. It seems like it's headed in that direction based off of their dialogue throughout this episode. I guess it's understandable since Nathan has already been rejected and isn't backing down while Lucas and Elizabeth are a more official item. Okay, yeah, I understand it, but I don't want it to go too far *thinks back to the Lucas and Elizabeth in the rain scene* I guess I can't hope for that with this show. And later on when Lucas was talking to Nathan about how he should be thinking more of Allie and not getting her hurt. Ooooh I wanted to slap that fool. Who is he to be talking about Allie, he doesnt know anything about their relationship and he had no right to bring her up. Ugh that made me so angry.

Lucas's office. May I just say. Daaang. That's some nice, fancy office he's got there. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. They were planning this reveal for a long time I bet to make Lucas look more attractive in this love triangle. And let me say, that first scene with Elizabeth in Lucas's office finally made me understand what Elizabeth see's in this guy. We were finally shown a glimpse into Lucas's daily life and how he handles business. Elizabeth comes in wanting to talk, but he has to be on the phone bc, ya know, the guy has to work, and we see him taking care of his responsibilities instead of pining over Elizabeth. Usually, in every scene that involves Elizabeth and Lucas, he's typically able to give her his full attention and the entire scene is about him wanting to win her favor. But finally we have a scene where he isn't just there to win her heart and he has to tell her, 'sorry, but can we do this later?' And bc of that the dinner invite didnt come across too forward and it made sense bc they had things to talk about. The scene just really built up a new side to Lucas's character that I felt we hadn't seen yet and that was lacking. He actually feels like a character with an independent purpose now. And of course I didn't forget. The French. Yeah it was both attractive and again added to Lucas's character. I'm sure the Lucas shippers are drooling right now. And on a more serious note, his French sounded very good and I actually just looked it up Chris McNally speaks French so...yeah very cool. But Elizabeth's French when she was saying goodbye at the door...oh how cringey. I mean she spoke well too, but it was just unnecessary and oh I cringed so hard when she did that.

When she went back to his office later...oh no. He said he didnt feel up to having dinner together, and then she still didnt leave him alone and was like, well I can stay and we can just talk. Um, no Elizabeth, the man just said he didnt want to talk right now, but I guess since it's not talking over dinner then it's okay??? And she patted the cushion for him to join her on that teeny tiny little bench. Yo, there was no room for two there. They were pressed up against each other so much it was so awkward to watch. I mean that was like being forced to sit in the two-seater bus seat when clearly there's only room for one. And then the hand hold...yuck, and the deep breath like they were both being tempted...eeh, and then he kissed her hand...ooh. He had to tell her to go bc he wanted to remain a patient man. I'm glad he told her, I'm not surprised that happened. Come on Elizabeth, give the man a break. I mean what did you think would happen when you asked him to sit right next to you on that tiny bench for one. Omg and she fanned herself after exiting. She likes him that much?? Or she's trying to make love form from a purely physical attraction.

I really don't like the whole Rachel and Christopher romance. Maybe I would like it and believe it more if the actors actually looked like teenagers. I mean, Rachel does not look 17, especially since we regularly see child actors on the show in school and they are entering their teens, if they aren't teens already. When comparing a kid like Anna to Rachel, Rachel just seems way to old for 17.

I love how we see Allie's side to this love triangle plot. I loved the scene between her and Elizabeth in the school house. I liked that we were finally having a discussion between just them, and then Elizabeth opens the invitation! I laughed so hard! The pop up of Nathan in his mountie uniform and Elizabeth at the dinner table. Oh that was so funny! and also adorable. Allie wasn't taking any of it, yo she said *Fine and she snatched that invitation back and she tore it up. I was yelling at my tv, yes Allie you tell her!

When Elizabeth approached Nathan at the parade...come on E. That was not the time or place. Again, I like that they have these conversations and disagreements, but the writing of that dialogue was just so bad I thought. It was so awkward sounding and the pacing just felt off. It really didnt flow and I wonder if the writers were running out of time or something. When Nathan said that Allie is afraid to talk to Elizabeth without him present...oh that hurt inside. I feel so sorry for Allie, she's so hurt by all this I just want to make everything better for her. I like that Elizabeth's concern for Allie is at the forefront bc it's like her and Nathan are the concerned parents, but since Elizabeth rejected Nathan (and therefore Allie too) she really has no right to demand a say in how to help Allie feel better. Elizabeth isnt part of the family unit and Allie is solely Nathan's responsibility. I really liked Erin's acting in the way we could see the moment where Elizabeth thought back to her conversation with Rosemary and decided right then and there that she had to ask Nathan what it was he wasnt telling her. I'm kind of disappointed in the secret though. I had made that prediction, but thought it was just too much and unnecessary drama...and then of course that's what it was. I have no clue how this will play out. I can't even remember the preview for next week. Anyway, overall, Elizabeth central, but also Elizabeth's annoying. Lucas shippers finally have something of substance...sort of. And as usual Nathan and Allie steal the show and I couldn't love them more.

[let-the-dream-begin]

A Place to Belong Chapter 3: Ashes to Ashes

Read on AO3

As the days wore on, Claire gradually settled into a comforting routine as she had at Lallybroch the last time she’d been grieving. Except this time, there was a nagging anxiety in the pit of her gut. It had been over a week since she and Fergus had arrived back after Culloden. Ian and Fergus had alternately gone to the village every day to see if there was any word on the battle, but the only news was that it was a bloody victory for the British. No specifics, no news on survivors.

Claire and Jenny were doing the wash, making small talk about the children.

“The other day Mrs. Crook comes outside wi’ her, and she’s screaming her wee head off,” Jenny said. “Apparently she tried to feed her a bannock and she just threw a bloody fit.”

Claire smiled, squeezing a shirt over the tub. “She isn’t taking well to solid foods, I suppose?”

“No’ at all.” Jenny rolled her eyes, scrubbing a shirt on the washboard. “She’s a holy terror, that one. I’ve gotten her to eat one or two bannocks, some mash potato, but it’s very rare. She’s only got eyes fer my milk.”

Claire laughed, hanging the shirt she’d been working on. “That’s quite common, actually. She may not adjust until she’s closer to two years old.”

“Jamie and Maggie both were chewing on bannocks at eight months, and walking at nine months,” Jenny insisted, wringing out the shirt and hanging it up. “Kitty refuses the food, and she hasn’t yet stood up wi’out holding on to something.”

“All perfectly normal,” Claire assured her, scrubbing a blanket that seemed to have been spit up on. “She’s just over a year old isn’t she?”

“Fourteen months and a week,” Jenny said.

“She’s still well within range to start walking,” Claire said. “Once she passes eighteen months, then we can be worried.”

“Are ye sure? I’ve no’ seen a bairn so late to everything before. Especially no’ my own.”

“A child’s development can often be used to indicate how their siblings will develop, but not always.” Claire continued to scrub at the yellow-white stain on the blanket. “Perhaps Kitty is determined to be her own woman.”

“Aye,” Jenny said, hanging up a skirt.

“If it would make you feel better, I can examine her the next time she eats a bannock, or a potato. See if it’s causing her any internal discomfort that would turn her away from solid foods.”

“Aye, ye could, but ye’d likely have to shove it down her throat first.”

Claire laughed. “Well, if the time ever comes, I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“I thank ye, Claire.”

“Although, I think it’s more likely that she’s just inherited the Fraser stubbornness,” Claire teased, finally getting the blanket clean and wringing it out over the tub. “Perhaps it just skipped over Maggie and wee Jamie.”

“I dinna ken about that,” Jenny laughed. “More likely it’s just waiting to rear its ugly head until they’re older.”

“That sounds about right.”

They laughed again, but they were suddenly interrupted by hoofbeats coming from up the road. Claire dropped the skirt she was washing back in the tub and rushed to greet Fergus as he passed under the archway on horseback.

“Any word?” she asked, her eyes frantically darting over his face to read him.

“They are executing survivors. That is all I have heard.”

“Any names?”

“No. I am sorry, Maman .”

“Damn.” Claire ran a hand over her face, frustrated. She sighed, then reached up to help Fergus off of his horse.

“We are not the only ones that do not know what became of their loved ones,” Fergus said. “The British are not telling anybody anything.”

Claire pulled him into a hug, kissing his head. “It’s alright, darling. You’ve done your best.” She started to say that he ought to put his horse away and then get to the fields with Ian when she was overcome with a dizzying wave of nausea.

“ Maman ?” Fergus said fretfully, feeling her sway in his grasp.

Claire immediately released him, only able to stumble a few feet away before she was violently ill. Jenny rushed to her side as she doubled over, keeping her from completely toppling. As quickly as it began, it was over, and Claire breathed heavily to catch her breath. She spit onto the ground, the bitter taste of her own bile still lingering in her mouth.

“Ye alright, lass?” Jenny asked, rubbing her back.

“Yes…I’m sorry, I didn’t see that coming,” Claire said, embarrassed.

“Go fetch yer mam some water,” Jenny said over her shoulder to Fergus, who obeyed immediately. “Let’s sit ye down, then.”

Jenny led Claire to the porch steps, and Claire quickly shook her off. “I really can walk straight. I’m fine.”

Once they were seated on the steps, Jenny looked at Claire knowingly. “That was the bairn, wasn’t it?”

Claire was very nearly ill again. She must have looked as shocked as she felt, because Jenny went on. “I suspected, but I didna want to ask if it wasna true. Would’ve upset ye, ye ken. But I ken morning sickness when I see it.”

Claire sighed, defeated. “How could you possibly be able to tell?”

“Ye had the glow about ye,” Jenny said. “Just now when we were talking about Kitty. Ye had this look in yer eye, like ye were keeping a secret, thinking about when yer own bairn would eat solids, would start walking.”

Claire blushed. “I hadn’t noticed I was doing that.”

Jenny took her hand in hers. “I’m happy fer ye, Claire. Especially after the sorrow ye saw wi’ the first one.”

“Thank you, Jenny.” Claire smiled at her.

“Does Jamie know?”

“No…I didn’t get the chance to tell him.” Her face burned with the shame of the lie.

Just then, Fergus appeared behind them. “Here, Maman .” He dutifully handed Claire the glass. She thanked him and gratefully sipped.

“ Nausées matinales ?” Fergus asked, sitting next to Claire.

“Ye told the lad but no’ me?” Jenny said, feigning betrayal.

Claire smiled, her lips still around the rim of the glass. “He figured it out himself. Like you did.”

“And ye kept yer gab shut about it?” Jenny said. “I’m impressed.”

“Of course I did.” Fergus puffed his chest out proudly. Claire chuckled and tousled his hair. “It would be a great betrayal to reveal Maman ’s news for her. It is her news to tell.”

“Oh, aye,” Jenny said, her tone revealing slight guilt. “I’ve gone and spoilt that haven’t I?”

“No…it’s alright,” Claire said, resting the glass on her knees and keeping it steady with her hands. “Truthfully I was…afraid to tell you.”

“Afraid to tell me?”

“Well, not you in particular,” Claire said, unable to meet Jenny’s eye. “I was afraid to…to say it out loud. Part of me didn’t want it to be real…part of me still doesn’t.”

“Why ever no’?” Jenny put a hand on Claire’s shoulder.

“Because I can’t imagine having to raise his child without him. I don’t think I have the…the strength to do that.” Claire stared shamefully into the water in her glass.

“Dinna be talking like that, now,” Jenny said firmly, squeezing her shoulder, then crossing herself with her free hand. “Ye mustn’t speak things like that into the world.”

“I’m sorry…” Claire shook her head guiltily. “I know it’s wrong to already be thinking like that but it’s…it’s all I can think about, Jenny.” She finally forced herself to look into her eyes, her own vision clouding with tears. “I’m so frightened.”

“I ken.” Jenny pulled her into an embrace. “I share that fear, I do.”

“I know.”

Jenny breathed deeply. “But a bairn?” She pulled apart so they could look at each other. Jenny was beaming. “Jamie’s and your flesh and blood, Claire. It’s wonderful.”

Claire smiled weakly. “I remember in Paris, Jamie said you wrote in one of your letters you were so excited you could hardly write.”

“Aye, my hand shook then something fierce. I’m feeling that way again, light and dizzy wi’ joy.” Jenny laughed. “How long has it been?”

“Almost three months.”

“Three months ye been carrying my niece or nephew and I’m just now hearing of it!” Jenny was incredulous, but her tone was lighthearted. “Come.” She stood and reached her hands down. Claire handed Fergus the glass and gave Jenny her hands. “We’ll celebrate.”

“Celebrate?”

“The news of yer child, Claire! We’ll have a dram and toast to him, to you, and to Jamie.”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Ye canna stop living because yer afeared, Claire,” Jenny said, momentarily serious. “No matter what happens, yer child is a blessing that deserves to be celebrated. Let yerself be happy when ye can.” She gave her hands a squeeze. “Fergus, fetch Milord.”

Fergus descended the porch, but Claire called after him. “Fergus, wait.” He stopped and turned, looking between the two women, conflicted. Claire then glanced back at Jenny, and she couldn’t help but soften. Jenny’s affection for her child was heartwarming, and her desire to see her happy was touching.

“Make sure you tell him it’s good news,” Claire said, smiling at Jenny.

“Yes, Maman !” Fergus scrambled off.

Jenny laughed gleefully and pulled Claire through the front door. “Mrs. Crook! Whiskey and our finest glasses! We’ve a toast to make!”

Jenny pulled her into the dining room. “Do ye think it’s a boy? Or a wee lass?”

“Oh I…I haven’t the foggiest.” Claire shrugged. “I just want him to be healthy.”

“Him, aye?” Jenny teased.

Claire smiled. “A Freudian Slip, I suppose.”

“A what now?”

“Nothing. Just…one of the names I have in mind is for a boy. That’s all.”

It wasn’t long before Ian appeared with Fergus, Mrs. Crook having already arrived with the whiskey and glasses.

“Alright, pour yourselves a glass. You too, Mrs. Crook,” Jenny said.

“What’s the meaning of this, Janet?”

“Hold yer whisht,” Jenny said, pouring glasses and handing them out.

“Alright, then. I’ve gathered us here because we’ve precious little to celebrate these days, and well, what Claire has to tell ye is certainly something to celebrate.” Jenny turned to Claire.

Claire peered up from her glass sheepishly. “Yes…well…I’m…” Jenny gave her a playful shove. “I’m pregnant.”

“ Mo Dhia !” Ian exclaimed. “Claire, that’s wonderful news!” He embraced her heartily with the arm that wasn’t holding his whiskey. He lifted her a few inches off the ground, and Claire squealed.

“God bless ye, Mistress,” Mrs. Crook said, squeezing her hand.

“Thank you,” Claire said to the both of them. “Thank you, all of you. I’m…I’m confident that our child will come into the world loved beyond compare. Thank you for letting this be our home.”

Jenny raised her glass. “To my wee nephew, and to family.”

“ Sláinte !” Ian cheered, and everyone echoed him.

They sipped their glasses, reveling in their mutual joy. For a moment, Claire truly could forget the anguish and terror that had been so prevalent in her mind merely minutes before. Jenny was right; her child deserved to be celebrated, and she deserved to feel joy about his soon-to-be presence in her life. Jamie would want her to celebrate, too. He wouldn’t want her spending every waking moment fretting for him when she was bringing his child into the world.

As they laughed and drank, Fergus began spewing absurd French names for the baby, causing everyone to laugh all the harder. All of a sudden, the front door slammed open, and the sound of boots echoed through the halls. Laughter and chatter immediately ceased. They all froze where they stood.

It didn’t take long for the Redcoats to realize they were all congregated in the dining room. They entered the room all at once, four of them.

“In the name of His Majesty King George, you are to surrender all weapons, tartans, and Gaelic reading materials.”

Claire’s heart dropped into her stomach. She hadn’t forgotten that she’d helped hide a few pieces of Highlander culture in the priest hole a week ago, but she’d thought they would have had a bit more time. To her recollection the Act of Proscription wasn’t made official until August of this year. It seemed they were getting a bit of a head start.

“Don’t trouble yourselves, we’ll search the house for you,” he continued. “Can’t have you leaving anything behind.”

He signaled for his men to begin the search. Claire cringed as she heard doors slam, furniture turn over. The Redcoat officer that remained in the dining room circled around the table like a vulture, regarding them with condescension, drinks still in their hands.

“And what are we celebrating today?” he asked smugly. “Surely not a Jacobite victory, seeing that there is none to celebrate.”

“There are no Jacobites in this home,” Ian said. “We are all loyal subjects of His Majesty.”

Claire’s stomach turned as he said it.

“Perhaps you drink to the health of your King, then?” He said, arching an eyebrow. “Or is it someone’s day of birth? To whom do I owe my regards?”

He was still circling them. No one said anything.

“Come now, surely you would not deny me in wishing you well.” He stopped before Ian, dangerously close. His tone completely shifted. “Tell me for what cause you drink. Now.”

“I am wi’ child,” Jenny said quickly. The officer’s head snapped to look at her. “My last birth was a fearsome one, and we didna think I could have another, but God has been gracious. We were celebrating our good fortune.”

A sickening smile grew across the officer’s lips. “Well, that is good cause to celebrate. My warmest congratulations to you. And to the father, I assume?” He turned back to Ian.

“Aye.”

He clapped a hand on Ian’s back, just slightly too rough. “Fine job.”

Ian nodded uncomfortably.

Claire was bewildered for a moment, but it didn’t take her long to figure out Jenny’s reasoning. If her own pregnancy was revealed, there would be a question of its father, being that Ian was the only man in the household at present. They might quickly deduce who the father was, knowing that this was the home of the Fraser Laird, and thereby deduce who Claire herself was. The broadsheets had Jamie’s face on them, not hers, but there was still a danger to her being Red Jamie’s wife. Jenny had acted wisely.

The sound of three sets of boots echoed through the halls, getting closer to the dining room. They entered the room, one holding books, the other swords and guns, the other tartans. 

“The materials in question, Sir.”

“Take them outside. Then search the stables and barns just for good measure.”

The three disappeared again, and the officer turned back to smile greasily at them once more. “My kindest regards to the happy parents.” He turned on his heel and left.

All at once they put their glasses down and scrambled to the front door.

“Mam!” Wee Jamie’s voice appeared behind them, and he stepped onto the porch with them. “What’s happened?”

“It’s alright, mo chridhe .” Jenny stroked his head. “Dinna fash.”

They watched in horror as the Redcoats unceremoniously dumped the tartans and books into the dirt. The officer from the dining room lit a match, then looked up at the family gathered on the porch. Maintaining his eye contact, an uncaring expression on his face, he dropped the match into the pile.

Claire had to restrain herself from rushing forward to put out the flames. She had known this was coming…so why did she feel so paralyzed by shock?

“Fire, Mam!” Jamie tried to bolt forward, but Jenny firmly grabbed him by the wrist.

“Stay put.”

“But Mam! Da’s tartan is on fire!”

“I know, mo chridhe .” Jenny picked him up around the waist and settled him on her hip.

“Why’ve they done this?” Jamie asked.

“Shh…” Jenny pressed his head into her shoulder, holding him there and rocking gently.

Claire’s eyes burned with tears as she watched all the things she’d come to hold dear up in flames, burning to ash. It wasn’t long before the officer added more matches, unsatisfied with how long it was taking for everything to burn. The flames were high now, the smoke billowing.

“Mrs. Crook,” Jenny said, her voice hitching. “Take the lad inside, and check on the other children.”

“Yes Mistress.” Mrs. Crook took Jamie from her, casting a mournful look behind her before disappearing into the house.

Ian wrapped a comforting arm around Jenny as she wept silently, and Claire did not miss the tear that trickled down his own cheek. Fergus leaned into Claire, and she put her arms around him.

Yes, they’d all known it was coming. But nothing could have prepared them to actually see their entire way of life literally up in flames.

It took all of fifteen minutes for the fire to burn itself out with nothing left behind but ash. All four of them stamped the ash into the dirt for good measure, and then they were off, their wagon of weapons clinking behind them as they disappeared up the road.

“Should we…clean it up?” Ian asked hesitantly, unable to tear his eyes away from the pile of ash.

“No. Let the wind take it,” Jenny said resolutely. “Let it become part of the very air we breathe, one with Scotland herself.”

Without another word, Jenny descended the porch steps and returned to the washtub they’d abandoned. The celebrating was over, the moment was gone.

Claire gave Fergus’s shoulders a squeeze before joining Jenny at the washtub, and Ian, too, returned to his work, taking Fergus with him.

Claire and Jenny worked silently now, neither of them having the right words after what had happened. As Claire hung a skirt on the clothesline, she was certain of one thing: As much as she prayed for Jamie’s safety and longed desperately for him to be by her side once more, she still thanked God that he had not been here to see that.

[all1e23]

Astrophile [Pt.8]

Chapter:  Fallen Star

Summary:  Bucky asks for a favor and it has huge consequences for everyone.

Warnings:  FLUFF. Sweet, pure Bucky.

A/N: I’m SO excited about this chapter even though it’s garbage. It’s super cute and fluffy. So enjoy all the sweetness. Send me love because i”m needy, okay?!  Plus all your comments make my day. Beta’d by the beautiful and talented @lokissoul I love you 3000.

***My fics are not to be saved or posted on any other sites without my written permission. Reblogs are welcomed! Thanks!**

“Daddy is silly. Y/n likes him, too!” Ori groans and smacks her palm against her forehead.

Natasha smirks as she pours pancake batter on to the hot pan in front of her. “I am not arguing with you peanut. I don’t think your daddy knows that, though.”

Orion has talked of little else since the night she told her aunt about her daddy’s crush, and that was over a week ago. Nothing has changed in that time. Ori was still going over to the bookstore whenever she could, Bucky and Y/n talked all day every day, and Y/n came over for another movie night, but this time Ori insisted that Y/n sat in the middle. That was until she missed her daddy a little too much and ended up crawling in his lap where she promptly fell asleep.

She hasn’t mastered matchmaking just yet – Ori’s got a lot on her plate with being a princess and all.

A plate stacked three chocolate chip pancakes high lands in front of the little girl, and Natasha gathers her curls up in her hand in an attempt to push them out of her eyes while she eats. Ori pokes around at her pancakes with her fork, a deep frown sets in her adorably chubby cheeks – no explanation is needed.

“It’s been a while since daddy has liked someone. So long, the last time he’s really liked anyone was way before you existed. We might have to let this unfold on its own.”

Okay, maybe Natasha is feeling guilty after the whole Tony set up. The plan backfired, and she had not expected Tony and Y/n to get along so well.  She was ninety percent sure the date would be a flop, and it would make Bucky see what was right in front of him before it was too late. 

Neither happened, and now it might be too late.

“Putting out fires he can handle, but girls not so much,” Ori sighs with a shake of her head.

Nat froze hands in holding her curls and bent down to see her niece’s face, “Where did you hear that?”

“Uncle Sammy.”

-------

Bucky has big plans for today – huge plans! To say he is excited is a severe understatement. He called Y/n early this morning and asked if she could swing by the preschool a few blocks away from the station, and she agreed without hesitation because that’s just the kind of person she is. Her one day off from the bookstore and she’s ready to drop whatever she has planned to spend the day with him without even questioning his reasoning.

This should be a good day, and it was until Y/n pulled into the parking lot. Bucky’s heart sinks when he sees the Audi R8 come to a stop out front of the school – he was not expecting her to show up with Tony. Why did Tony have to get out of the car? Did he need to show off right now? Bucky has never wanted to punch him this badly before���

“Hey, Buck,” she chirps.

“Hey, Y/n,” Bucky grins right back.

Y/n’s whole face is lit up, and Bucky is glowing right back at her despite the fact her fingers are weaved around Tony’s. Tony gives a gentle squeeze to her hand, and she quickly shakes it off, turning to look at Tony with a smaller, duller smile.

“You two know each other right?”

Of course, she knows that already. She is uncomfortable – Tony quickly works out. He’s never seen her awkward like this before, and he can’t quite place the reason for her nerves.

“We do,” Tony confirms as he catches Sam and Clint waving their arms trying to get her attention, “I think you have some fans trying to call you over.”  

She peers around Bucky and grins at the two man-children jumping up and down in an attempt to get her attention.“I guess I better go over there before they break a leg or something. Call me later tonight after work?” She asks, tilting into Tony a little more than Bucky would care to see.

“Yeah, go. Go have fun. I’ll see you later,” Tony says as he leans in to kiss her softly. He doesn’t linger, but he’s in no hurry to lose the feel of her lips either. She still tastes like coffee and lemon pancakes from breakfast – not a combination he normally likes, but it tastes good on her.

When he pulls back, he can see the shift in Bucky’s demeanor, and it’s one Y/n misses entirely. She steps around Bucky leaving the two men in a sea of nervous tension, Bucky’s eyes are stuck to the roll of stickers in his hands, and he doesn’t look back up until It’s just him and Tony. Tony steps forward into the taller man’s eye line and grins, clearly unphased by the tension surrounding them.  

“Ah, Bucko. How’s the family? Everyone doing good? Great. That’s terrific. Listen, I didn’t know the two of you were so close. I definitely didn’t think you were close enough to call before lunch and ask her for favors.”

Bucky is seconds away from drowning him in that fountain behind them. If there weren't children present, he would have tried. 

“I didn’t know you were even seeing her today,” Bucky bristles. “We talked on the phone till she fell asleep last night and she never mentioned you. Not once.”

Tony watches him for a beat too long, and Bucky is instantly second-guessing himself. Did she fall asleep on the phone with him? She looked like she was fast asleep, but maybe she called Tony back after they hung up? Are they more serious than Bucky realized? Well, he absolutely hates that idea. 

“And she’s your…”

“Friend. We are just friends, Tony,” Bucky says with an exasperated sigh. This stupid crap again. He can’t get away from it. Bucky glances back at Y/n talking to Sam and then back to find Tony staring at him.

And there it is Tony realizes – the reason.

“You’re an idiot,” Tony says bluntly and slips his sunglasses on.

‘I –I,” Bucky stutters as he watches Tony walk to his car without so much as a goodbye. 

“You’re the idiot,” He grumbles on his way back to Y/n.  Sam points her in the direction of the class they are going to be in, and he jogs to catch up to her, smiling nervously when he finally reaches her side.

“So,” he gulps. “You didn’t tell me you had a date with Tony this morning. I wouldn’t have called if I had known.”

She frowns and shakes her head following him into one of the classrooms across from where Sam was gathering kids up. 

“It wasn’t a date. Just breakfast and even if it had been a date you can always call me. You’re the number one guy in my life. You should know that by now, Buck.” Bucky hangs his head, letting his hair fall in his face to cover the smile that is so wide his cheeks are hurting.

“Okay, where do you want me?” She asks, grinning at him. “Want me to read to the kids or something?” 

Bucky points to the large bag on the floor fighting the smirk on his face– did he buy a special bag for dramatic effect? That’s no one’s business. She eyes it curiously as she slowly opens it and takes a peek inside. It’s quiet, and after a long pause, she slowly looks up at him at a loss for words because, seriously, what the hell is this?

“What is this?”

“Oh, this is payback, darlin’,” Bucky says, sauntering towards her. “Sweet, sweet payback.” He pulls the head of a giant dalmatian costume and grins at her. “You’re going to help teach the kids how to stop, drop and roll while you’re dressed up as this furry guy.”

An excited squeal slips from her lips, and Bucky’s smile drops. She digs out the bottom half of the costume and could not be any more excited to dress up like a giant firefighting dog if she tried.

“Wait a damn minute–”

“–Language. We are in the school.”

“Okay, Steve,” he snarks back. “You can’t be excited about this. This is supposed to be payback!”

Y/n grins as she slips her feet into the bottom half of the costume pulling it up her body and grabs the head from Bucky’s hand. “I love kids, Buck. I don’t know if you figured this out, but I like doing silly things like this. Oh! Look! There’s a fan inside in the head.”

“Here,” Bucky demands gently with a chuckle and shakes his head at the pure excitement in her voice. Hand it over.” 

He takes the dalmatian head from her outstretched hands and helps slip it onto her shoulders grinning at the sight before him– she has to be the cutest damn firefighting dalmatian he’s ever seen.

“The fan is broken,” Y/n’s muffled voice carries through the head of the suit, and it tugs at Bucky’s heart. He can hear the pout in her voice, and he is so grateful he can’t see her face because that adorable pouty face she makes when she’s upset just about knocks him to his knees.

“I’m sorry,” Bucky winces. “That’s one hundred percent Sam’s fault.”

“You’re blaming him because he’s out there talking to the kids and can’t defend himself, aren’t you?”

“Yep.”

Bucky grins and spins her around to face the door, settling a hand on her back to help guide her back outside without injury. He knows how hard it is to see through the head of that stupid costume from personal experience, and Sam wasn’t the best at guiding him around. He did manage to walk Bucky into several doors and a few walls– that might be the cause of the broken fan.

“Let’s go, Sparky.”  

Y/n let Bucky guide her outside where Sam and Clint had the kids gathered around in two rows. Bucky takes a step back, allowing Sam to take over so he can hang in the back to watch and what a sight it is. Every single kid gets a high five, there’s some dance she somehow had ready for a moment just like this, and she even pokes fun of Sam a bit when he’s not looking. Bucky’s favorite part though? It has to be Y/n teaching the kids how to stop, drop and roll. Sparky’s head is not exactly secure, so she had to keep a tight hold onto the head as she rocks back and forth on the ground – there might be some video evidence, and she might be perfect.

Without a doubt, she’s the best Sparky they have ever had. After the last of the kids are corralled back into the classroom and the coast is clear, Y/n pulls the head of the giant dog off and blows a piece of fuzz off her face. 

“So are we even now?”

Bucky chuckles. Yeah, okay, they are even now. She might even have the upper hand still.  

“Yeah, we are even. I might owe you. I was volunteering today, so I don’t have to go back with the guys, and Nat is watching Ori for a few more hours. Do you want to grab dinner? My sorry for making you roll around on the ground in a giant dog costume.”

“I didn’t mind. It was fun,” Y/n assures Bucky.

Of course, you didn’t mind, Bucky thinks.

“There’s a food truck a few blocks from Nat’s that has really good burgers, and I thought you would like it. Don’t even ask. I checked. They have ice cream, and I promise you can get two kinds of desserts.”

“Um, as if I would say no to two kinds of dessert? I guess it’s okay if you’re there,” She teases as she shimmies out of the bottom half of the costume. “Let me get cleaned up a bit, and we can go.”

Bucky watches as she makes her way back across the yard a little skip in her step as she goes. For someone who just spent the afternoon in a bulky, overheated dog costume, she is in an awfully good mood, and he has no idea why that makes his heart jump so much. He knows he has spent too much time watching her when he feels someone walk up and stand beside him – it just had to be Sam.

Sam leans against the side of the truck grinning at Bucky, “Going out?”

“Sam–”

“I heard the two of you just now. You’re taking her on a date!” Sam exclaimed, loudly.

“It’s not a date! She’s dating Tony.”

God, Bucky hates the way that sounds – it tastes foul and wrong and dirty. It doesn’t matter if it does. She’s his friend, and she’s happy. That’s all that’s important. “This doesn’t change anything. I take Nat to dinner all the time. Am I dating her?”

“No, she’s like your sister and married to one of your best friends.”

“So I can’t have any friends that aren’t married to one of you idiots without it being romantic?”

“Christ,” Sam grumbles. “There’s something between the two of you, and now you’re taking her to dinner without Ori. The way you look at her? You gotta know this is different, man.”

“It’s not. Go protect our city or something. I’m busy–”

“–Busy waiting for your date.”

“I hate you so much.”

Y/n walks up behind them and links an arm with Bucky, grinning widely and cooing at the idea of a date. 

“Someone is going on a date?”

“No one is going on a date. Sam is being stupid,” Bucky grumbles and shoves Sam away from them. 

“Ready to tear up some burgers?”

“Yep. Is it weird that I miss Ori?” She asks as she digs through her bag, checking to make sure she isn’t leaving anything behind. 

Bucky stares at her unable to speak or even think. She’s wearing lipstick. The same lipstick she wore when she went out with Tony, the one she said was only for special occasions – the one Bucky said he liked. She wasn’t wearing any when Tony dropped her off. So, she put it on to go out with him? He’s not sure if he should like that as much as he does. 

“Can we bring her some cookies or something?”

And she wants to bring Ori cookies because she misses her? Did he hear that right? He’s never gone out with a woman, date or not, and had them worry about his daughter. 

“Buck?” She questions, waving a hand in front of his face to get his attention. “Do they have something we could bring her? I don’t want her feeling left out when we pick her up.”

When we pick her up. No he didn’t hear that wrong and it might be the sweetest thing he’s heard all day. 

He clears his throat and nods a few times too many but it makes her giggle so the whiplash was well worth it, “Oh, yeah. They do. They, uh, they have those big chocolate chip cookies. We can bring her some.”

“Good,” She beams. “Lead the way. I’m all yours, December.”

Shit.

-------

The few tables that are set out in front of the food truck are overly filled with other couples and family so finding a seat takes a minute. Apparently, Bucky wasn’t the only craving burgers and fries tonight. They finally end up sitting on the same side of a small picnic table, legs stuck together and elbows bumping every time they reach for their drinks or a napkin. Neither batted an eye at having to share the little bench, or their legs squished together for that matter.

It felt natural – weirdly enough.

“You never really told me,” Bucky mentions, hesitant and unsure for the first time all night. “How was your date with Stark?”

“Oh, it was good. Tony’s sweet and funny. Constantly finds a way to make me laugh. I know he’s not your favorite but –” Bucky feels his heart constricting the more she went on. He can see her lips moving but can’t hear her. It’s as if his brain is attempting to save his heart from having to hear just how fantastic Tony is and how happy they are together. “– But then I stupidly said that I only really laugh when I’m with you. Not great first date talk.”

Bucky sat up straighter. Now, this he wants to hear. 

“Wait, you talked about me on your date? You were on a date with Tony Stark and talked about me?”

“Um, yeah? I’m sorry. Is that weird? We talk a lot, and you do make me laugh. I always have fun when I’m with you, so it just slipped out,” She mumbles, eyes downcast, slightly embarrassed she blurted it out like that.

“Hey, it’s fine. I don’t mind you talking about me.” He bumps his shoulder against hers and grins when she meets his eyes with a nervous smile. 

“You make me laugh, too. All the time actually.” 

Y/n relaxes a bit and blows out a breath as she pushes the empty cardboard container away from her. Her head falls onto his shoulder like it was meant to be there and Bucky freezes unsure what he should do. If it was Natasha, he would kiss her head and playfully shove her off him, but she’s not Natasha. She’s different. Y/n’s been different from the day he met her, not in the way Natasha hoped but it doesn't change the fact that she is. Bucky slowly lifts his arm and drapes it around her shoulder, letting his thumb sweep up and down her bare arm, so subtly she almost didn’t notice.

Almost.

“I’m so full,” She whines playfully. “Why did you let me eat that much?”

“Since when can I ever tell you what to do?”

“Okay, good point.”

Bucky wants to say something, anything, so she stays right where she is and never leaves his side again, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t want to risk saying something stupid. He’s made a fool of himself in front of her enough over the short time they have known each other, and the last thing he wants to do is make her feel uneasy with him. A quiet comfort settles between them, Bucky’s thumb is still ghosting over her arm, and the only thing that could make this better is his little comet.

“Ice cream and cookies now?” Y/n begs breaking the silence and tilts her up to meet his eyes with zero intentions of moving from the crook of his arm.

“You just said you were full, and now you want ice cream and cookies?” He counters, brow raised and wearing a huge grin. “It’s going to make you sick, doll.”

She sticks out her bottom lip, and Bucky can feel his resolve crumbling instantly. He closes his eyes still grinning like a fool and groans, “Alright. Quit it. I’ll give you whatever you want if you promise not to look at me all cute like that.”

“Whatever you want, Buck.”

Double shit.

-------

The car rolls to a stop in front of the Aquila Books and Bucky peeks back at Ori to make sure she’s fast asleep; she’s snoring away. Her tiny hands clutching her new books with chocolate smeared on her chubby cheeks from the cookies Y/n bought her. Natasha was all too happy when they showed up together to pick up Ori. She was annoyingly chipper about it. Bucky had thought about dropping Y/n off first, but the bookstore was past Natasha’s place. Not to mention how excited Y/n was to see Ori andBucky knew Ori would be disappointed if she didn’t get to see Y/n – he could endure Natasha’s bullcrap for his best girl.

“So, you will help me throw this party?” Bucky looks back at Y/n with an apologetic smirk. “Since apparently, Tasha can’t help for the first time.”

Funny how Natasha made sure to bring up Ori’s fifth birthday party on their way out the door and mentioned she was so busy at work she couldn’t help plan her party. Since Orion has been born Natasha has never missed out on planning her party. Not once. Bucky has a feeling this isn’t about Ori’s party or Natasha’s work schedule. 

“Of course I’ll help. One fantastical space themed birthday coming up!” Y/n squeals as loudly as can with the sleeping comet in the backseat and Bucky can’t help but chuckle. He shakes his head and sighs, “Thank you for today and going to dinner with me and all the books and… for just being you.”

Y/n leans over the shifter and cups holders and kisses his cheek. 

“Thanks for liking me for… me,” she whispers softly. 

She’s grabbing her bag and is out of the car in a flash. Bucky’s hand slowly reaches up to his cheek that still had a slight hint of her lipstick staining his skin. He quickly shakes off whatever the hell those goosebumps mean and shouts out the open passenger window, “Hey, Beck?” 

Y/n turns back around, keys in her hand waiting with a shy smile. 

“I like the lipstick,” He says with a grin and a wink.

That tiny smile turns into a face-splitting grin, and she shakes her head at the satisfied look on Bucky’s face as he drives off. Y/n takes the steps two at a time still grinning from ear to ear when she walks through her front door. She shuts the door behind her and leans back against the solid wood. It’s grounding and firm and helps keep her weakened legs from giving out, a soft giggle bubbles up and the grin on her face is starting to hurt her cheeks. Her laughter and smile slowly fade and guilt replaces the warm feeling in her chest when her eyes focus on the massive bouquet of red roses Tony gave her this morning. 

It was just dinner with a friend, so why did she feel so guilty?

Previous // Next

[mymelodyheart]

Starting Over Chapter 26 ~Hammered~

Jamie watched Quentin pour hot water and drop a teabag each into two mugs. He felt queasy from the effects of his spiked drink, and restless and at unease waiting for Claire's uncle to say something. Anything at all. Instead, the man bloody hummed. Jamie didn't really want tea. Right now, he prefered wrath, accusation and finger-pointing instead of not knowing anything or what Claire had said. Maybe anger was good because it kept him focused and stopped the spinning sensation in his head. 

After what had happened at the club, he would have happily got into a fight with anyone. Especially with someone named Forbes. Unfortunately, he couldn't deck Quentin.  Bloody hell, why does it have to be Quentin I have to face of all nights?

Jamie took deep cleansing breaths and loosened his muscles as Quentin placed a mug of milky steaming tea in front of him and ordered him to sit. Feeling like a fifteen-year-old again, he rubbed the back of his neck and did as he was told. 

He smothered the urge to gag at the offensive looking beverage. He guessed the sick feeling in his guts had more to do with the alcohol and drug that was in his bloodstream. He was about to ask for cold water when Quentin started to speak.

"I don't like the reason you are here, but it's still good to see you, Jamie," Quentin began, walking to the other side of the counter and eyeing him over his specs. 

Jamie thought he saw a small smile playing on Quentin's lips, and wondered if it was an evil smile or the drug was causing him to hallucinate. Glancing at the hammer next to the bag of walnuts, Jamie cleared his throat. "It's also good to see ye too, Quentin and I'm glad ye're well."

Quentin nodded. "Well, I'm going to cut to the chase. Here's the thing, Jamie ...Claire is not saying much, but I know she's upset over something. She normally talks to me when something is bothering her. I presume she is upset because of something you've done. So I'll need you to be the one to tell me exactly what's going on. I want to hear it in your own words, not some speech your publicist or agent or whatever you call them prepared for you."

Jamie frowned and shifted on his stool. "No one has ever prepared my speech, and I have nothing to hide ...from ye. I'll tell ye anything ye want to know," he said truthfully. 

"Very well then ..." Quentin waved a hand.

With a slight hesitation, Jamie proceeded to tell everything that had happened at the club, from what he could remember and what Joe and his brothers had told him about Forbes and Morag. The longer he talked and explained everything, the more he revealed things about himself, including what had happened at the awards and his life before meeting Claire. Maybe the drug in his drink and the alcohol from earlier was helping him loosen his tongue. Whichever the case was, Quentin listened carefully and attentively, his face devoid of judgement and his stance relaxed like as if they were just chatting over some sport's highlights they'd seen on TV.

When Jamie was done talking, he felt depleted; nevertheless, lighter but still nauseous. There was no point omitting things he didn't like about his past when he knew Quentin was a rugby fan and had probably heard or read stories about his escapades.

Jamie hoped Quentin wouldn't think he wasn't good enough for his niece after his revelation, but then, on the other hand, even if that was the case, it wouldn't have stopped him going after Claire. In fact, he would have torn the apartment apart if anyone got in his way, including Quentin.

"It is none of my business, and I don't normally interfere with Claire's decisions and choices, but since you're in the mood for sharing, what is it exactly you want from her?" Quentin asked. "You said you've never been in a relationship before. So what is this? A trial run? To see if a relationship is your thing?"

Christ!  All he wanted to do now was go into Claire's bedroom and talked to her, but Quentin had mentioned she was asleep.  Is she alright? Is she angry or sad? Disappointed?  He might as well stay put and try to get as many details as he could.

Jamie lifted his head and looked squarely into Quentin's eyes. "I'm in love with your niece."

Quentin took the hammer from his chopping block and smashed the walnuts in the ziplocked bag. "And? Has Claire said she feels the same way?"

Jamie didn't flinch nor break eye contact. "Aye," he admitted. "She told me so hersel'." He paused, thought for a minute and then continued. "And I'm hoping that is still the case."

"I don't know, Jamie. She retreated like ..."

"I'm not Frank!"

Letting go of the hammer, Quentin sighed and crossed his arms across his chest. "Listen, son, I might as well tell you this. I like you. Truly I do. I can tell you've always spoken the truth ...right from the beginning. As for Frank, I've never liked the man." 

Jamie felt a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and the urge to pump his fist in the air was strong, but he quickly tamped down the impulse. 

"He was unhealthy for Claire, and I don't think she loved him ..." Quentin paused, his brows coming down to a perceptible frown. "Well, at least not like how a person should love someone they're supposed to marry. It was probably more like she was at awe with his brilliance as a doctor. But what I think about you and Frank is neither here nor there. What I worry about is the speed your relationship is going. I see that same awe she had for Frank whenever she talks about you. Maybe because Claire's been infatuated with you ever since she'd seen you playing rugby. I guess it's fair to say she's in a happier place with you compared to when she was with Frank. But there is a slight problem. Frank has done a lot of damage to her confidence, and somewhere along the way, she's developed some trust issues. And it certainly doesn't help when there are people out there who want a piece of you, and you're some sort of celebrity."

"What are ye trying to say?" Jamie asked, confused.

Taking a piece of cloth from his pant's pocket, Quentin took off his specs and began polishing it. "What I'm trying to say is, she'll always keep running away until she's resolved those issues. I figured, with all that's happening between the two of you, she sees similarities she had with Frank ..."

"Hang on a minute ...how could ye ..."

Quentin held up his hand, and Jamie shut his mouth. "Deeds, Jamie. Deeds! You and Frank have tried to impress her to her eyeballs with your money and what it could buy. Claire is a simple girl, and she'd led a semi-nomadic life most of her life. Expensive dinners and gifts don't do it for her. And what you're doing right now ...Frank did all that in the beginning. So in her head, she's just waiting for the same pattern to repeat itself again. Your relationship hasn't even begun yet, and she's already bracing for something to go wrong."

"Christ!" Jaime rubbed his face with both hands. "So what do I do?"

"That's for you to figure out," Quentin answered, bashing the last of the walnuts. "Besides, what do I know. I've never married."

..........

Claire was woken to careful movements of someone getting into her bed. Without opening her eyes, she knew from the scent that ensnared her senses, it was Jamie. She tensed but didn't stir and tried to even out her breathing as her heart started to beat a million miles per hour.

"Yer uncle told me I can sleep on his couch tonight, but after he'd gone off to bed I sneaked into ye room," Jamie whispered, snuggling in closer till her back met his chest. "If ye're angry with me, Sassenach, please try no' to make too much noise; otherwise, yer uncle will kick me out before I get a chance to speak to ye. And to be honest, I dinnae feel very well at all." He paused for a few heartbeats. "This is kinda weird. I feel like a schoolboy slinking into yer room behind yer uncle's back, but I couldnae help it knowing ye're probably sleeping fitfully because of what happened tonight."

She didn't move nor say anything, but he continued.

"Christ, Sassenach ..." He let out a long sigh. "I dinnae ken where to begin." He slowly pulled the duvet down and slipped his hand across her waist, his hand splaying out over her stomach. "I was so worried when Joe said Geillis wouldnae answer the phone, I thought I'd go out of my mind."

A long silence ensued, and the only sound she could make out was the steady rhythm of his breathing and the movement of his throat when he swallowed.

"I'm wondering if ye can feel my touch in yer dreams ...if that's why yer heart is beating a little faster. Is yer heart still beating for me, Sassenach?"

She squeezed her eyes tighter, and her chest constricted.

"Does your heart still belong to me,  mo chridhe ?" he asked softly, his voice low and pained. 

She rolled her lips in to suppress the sound threatening to come out of her mouth, his words seducing her heart before her mind could put a stop to it. The sadness in his voice made her doubts and follow-up questions go in a thousand and one random directions, almost cancelling each other out and confusing her even more. At that moment, all she could do was hold on and feel.

"I wonder, if I kiss ye, will ye kiss me back? Or has the pain from what happened tonight, made ye love me a little less?"

His warm lips coasted along her shoulder, sending a shiver travelling down her spine, and a small gasp to escape her throat. Jamie proceeded as if he hadn't noticed her breath hitching.

"Do ye hear the things I say to ye, while ye sleep? I cannae tell ...maybe 'cos I'm drunk. I hope my words will filter through yer dreams and soothe the doubts in yer heart." He sucked in a breath as he moved closer, resting his head on top of hers. "Maybe with words, I can paint ye a life ye deserve, one where my past cannae touch ye and yer subconscious would approve of. And perhaps I can find a way to take what is broken inside of you and make it whole again so that nae matter what forces set to break us apart, we'd remain solid because we have trust." 

A single teardrop slid down her cheek.

Sighing, his fingers absentmindedly stroke her hair away from her face, and he stiffened when he felt the wet on her cheek. "I ken that my words wouldnae mean anything to ye if I didnae have yer trust. Yer trust matters, Sassenach ...it matters whether ye still want me or no' because ye matter to me. So I want ye to know, whatever happens, ye will always have me, and only ye can have me. I will be here to wrap ye in my arms when something threatens to pull you under, every time ... that's if ye will let me. Ye dinnae have to believe me now, I'm not even asking ye to, but I will prove it every day because I love you."

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She couldn't even string words to form a sentence. Besides, what could she say? This buildup inside of her was so unusual, and it ached. She had no idea what kind of words it would produce, and she was still wondering how Morag ended up on his lap.

"From day one, ye've had me walking on a tight rope, and I wasnae sure if I'd ever make it to the other end or fall. The not knowing is quite scary. But the thing is ...I wouldnae want it any other way because every moment with ye is worth it. I guess this trust can be likened to developing a photograph. It needs light for the picture to be well-formed. But I can see it already in my head even if it's no' ready yet. I'm leaving the timing up to the wisdom of the ol' man up there. If we only get one shot at this, I want it to be the best, and though the waiting will pain me, I'll do whatever it takes to get you and me right."

He found her hand and linked it with hers, but the doctor in her thought his palm felt clammy and cold and concluded it must be the effect of alcohol poisoning.

"Whatever it is ye read tonight in the social media, it was inaccurate. But before I tell ye my side of the story, I'd truly appreciate it if ye dinnae run away from me again. If ye do, bear it in mind, I will always come after ye, and I will find ye. And that's a promise, Sassenach. I want ye to remember that. That being said, I will never give ye a reason to run away from me either."

More tears started to pool in her eyes, and she tried to blink them back before they could escape. But it was a futile attempt.

"I guess ye saw pictures of Morag sat on my lap. The thing is I cannae remember that part. Now ye might think I had a lot to drink after ye left the private room, but that wasnae the case." She felt his chest expand as he took a massive deep breath. "The last thing I remember from last night is kissing ye before ye left with Geillis and joining the lads on the sofa. Apparently, Morag came in with Forbes soon after. But I couldnae remember the part when Forbes came in."

Her eyes flew open.  Oh, sweet Jesus!  She'd forgotten all about Forbes and seeing him in the club. After she had that emergency call from Mrs Crook telling her that her uncle had been taken away by the ambulance, she had been so beside herself from worry that she couldn't think of anything else.  Oh my God, oh my God! Why didn't I warn Jamie as soon as I saw that wicked man?  She'd already known he was trouble, but Mrs Crook's phonecall had distracted her.

"The lads had nae idea what kind of man Forbes is. Do ye want to know how Joe found me?"

She flinched and braced herself, but instead of continuing with his story, he shifted them both so she was lying on her back and he was on his side holding her against him. She shut her eyes.

"Ye're shivering,  mo chridhe," he whispered, tightening his hold and scooting closer. He pulled the duvet over them and rubbed her arms.

When her shaking finally stopped, he let out another long sigh, his warm breath fanning her hair.

"I dinnae ken how I'm going to make ye believe me, Sassenach, but I hope ye will. Joe and my brothers found me passed out on the sofa with Morag on my lap. Joe immediately knew something was wrong 'cause I wasnae myself. Weel ...so he says. He figured my drink had been spiked and ..."

Spiked?  All of a sudden, she felt sick as the dots started to connect. "Your drink was spiked?" she echoed hoarsely. "Why the bloody hell didn't you tell me? Jesus, Jamie!

"Ye're awake!" Jamie grumbled, propping himself on his elbow.

"Of course, I am awake you dafty." She threw the covers off and scrambled out of her bed. "Get up this minute, Jamie! I'm taking you to the hospital."

"Ssssh, please, Sassenach. Dinnae shout. Ye're making the room spin, and yer uncle will hear us," he whispered loudly while attempting to get hold of her hand. When he grabbed air, he fell back onto the bed. "Ach, Christ! I think I'm gonnae throw up."

After turning the bedside lamp on, she went quickly to his side, touching his face and feeling his pulse.  Ah, damn, damn, damn it! Why didn't Joe take him to the hospital?  "Jamie! Listen to me. I need you to help me to get you to the hospital. We need to determine what drug was used to spike your drink. I have a feeling your blood pressure is very low, and I can hardly feel your pulse," she explained in her no-nonsense doctor way, pulling him up in up-right position. "And that's not very good."

"It'll ssh pass when morning comes," he muttered waving his hand. "I'll sleep it off."

This time Claire noticed the slight slurring and she knew this didn't have anything to do with alcohol anymore. "Jamie, please, my love," she begged, tugging and using all her strength to budge him out of bed. But it was beginning to prove an impossible feat with his weight.

Suddenly the door to her room opened. "You bloody git! You sneaked into my niece's room! Did you think I wouldn't notice? Get ..."

"Uncle Lamb! Please! Not now! Call the ambulance! Jamie needs medical attention!"

Quentin just stood there, confusion etching his face as his gaze went from Jamie to Claire and then back to Jamie again.

"Uncle!!" Claire shouted.

"What?! How?"

"Uncle," she said in a low warning voice. "Emergency now, questions later!"

This time, her uncle listened and quickly backed away. By the time Quentin left the room, and Claire refocused her attention to the immediate problem, Jamie was already snoring very loudly. She stroked his hair back and felt his pulse again. To her relief, this time, it was slightly stronger. 

Carefully, she turned him to his side in case he vomited and ran her hand up and down his back. "Don't worry, darling. I'll make sure Forbes pay a heavy price for this," she whispered, mentally vowing she would do just that. "And if you can hear me, rest easy, my love. I'm never leaving your side."

She sighed and got up to dress.  

Ah, bloody hell! What am I going to do with you, you sweet-talking man?

[ladynestaarcheron]

Like Pristine Glass - Chapter Four

ao3 - ff.net - masterpost

(tagging these cuties: @humanexile @skychild29 @rhysandsdarlingfeyre @candid-confetti @rhysandsrightknee​ @missing-merlin​ @azriels-forgotten-shadow​ @books-and-cocos​)

hello everyone!! chapter four is ready!! thank you all so much for your kind words on the previous chapters. i read every reblog and they all mean so much to me. i hope you all enjoy this one! we get a bit more insight into nesta’s past in illyria. i think you’ll be able to see what direction it’s going in.

October 19 - 4 years after

When Cassian arrives back in Velaris, Elain has already made up her mind to go and she wants to be prepared. So she pounces on him first.

“How is she?” she asks him when he returns. “Is she very angry? Is she in good health? What about the children? What are their names? How old are they?”

“Give him a minute, Elain,” Rhys says gently, but she ignores him. She has not spoken to her brother-in-law for three days, in solidarity with her elder sister.

“What did she say?” Elain presses.

Cassian’s voice is weak in a way Elain has never heard before. “She’s...all right. They’re all all right.”

He sits down on one of the big armchairs, letting his wings rest.

“Just all right?” Elain says, sitting down on the couch next to him. “There must be something else. Is she working at that bookstore, then?”

“Elain,” Mor says. “Maybe we can ask him later, after he’s rested and eaten.”

Elain bites her lip. Lashing out is against all laws of propriety and her nature besides, but she’s felt bottled up with anger and pain for the past three days, and she has no outlet.

Luckily Cassian spares her the struggle. “It’s fine. I understand. Yes, she works at a bookstore. The children are three,” and here his voice cracks along with Elain’s heart. “Two boys and a girl.”

“What are their names?” Feyre says softly, sitting down next to Elain. She puts her hand on her knee, to share comfort along with their pain.

“The girl is called Ava. Avery. And Nicky...Nicholas. And Ollie.”

Elain’s eyes start to blur with tears when he says the girl’s name, and she lets out a sob when he says the last one.

Feyre is crying too. “Ollison,” she says, gasping. “Oh, Nesta.”

After their father. Elain had not realized....

But of course. Of course she had been hiding that as well.

“I want to see her,” she says, blurting out the words.

“I know,” he says. He doesn’t meet her eyes. “I’m sure you both want to. But...she has a life. And I’ve already upheaved enough.”

“What does that mean?” Feyre says.

“I asked about you,” he says, and he does look at Feyre when he speaks to her. “She...doesn’t want you to visit just yet.”

Elain feels her heart clench.

“She doesn’t want to see us? She said that?” Feyre’s voice sounds as despaired as Elain feels.

“Not just yet,” he says, and his tone is apologetic, guilty. “It’s a shock, I think. I sprung up on her. She didn’t know I was coming. And now you two...I think she’ll feel attacked. I’m sorry.”

Feyre nods slowly, but Elain can’t believe what she’s hearing.

“I’m going.”

Now Cassian turns to her.

“Elain...”

“No. I don’t care. I’m going. She’s my sister and I want to see her. She can be upset but she can’t keep me out forever. We’ll talk. She can be angry. But we’ll talk and it’ll be fine.” She sounds desperate, she knows, but she is. “I’m going.”

“She doesn’t want that right now,” Cassian says wearily.

“She’ll manage,” Elain says, and it’s not a snap, but it’s very close. She sees Mor and Rhys exchange a glance.

Elain stands up. “I’m going. I have to. You should understand that.” She stares Cassian in the eye. “If you had waited a second longer, I would have gone with you three days ago.”

He nods reluctantly. “I understand, but she said she didn’t want you to come.”

“I don’t care,” she says firmly. Nesta is hurt. But she can’t just cut Elain out forever. She can’t, because what is Elain supposed to do without her big sister forever?

She knows Nesta. She’s never going to forgive her enough to invite her herself unless Elain pushes a bit. And Elain pushing...well, that isn’t Amren or Rhys pushing. From her it comes only with love. Nesta knows that. She has to.

And perhaps Cassian does, because he looks over at Azriel who says, “I’ll take you.”

“Thank you,” she says, but she’s not looking at him. She’s looking at Amren, who hasn’t said anything since Cassian came back and is now pointedly staring outside.

“All right, then,” she says, settling back down. She musters a smile. “Tell us what our niece and nephews are like.”

Her smile turns effortless when Cassian’s face turns brilliant, younger, lighter. “Oh,” he says, and his voice is that of a different male as he tells them.

---

October 23 - 1 year after

Montesere had no charms. The land was flat and boring, at least in the region Nesta was in. The people didn’t smile, either--or perhaps just not at her, perhaps out of fear. Though for some reason, Nesta felt it was more suspicion.

She had enough to spend a few weeks in a nice inn, and decided to find a less-than-nice one in order to save money, but she drew the line at sharing a room. Itchy sheets and lukewarm water she could handle, but she wasn’t anywhere near the vicinity of trust or peace of mind  required to live with a stranger, even for a few days.

She couldn’t even live with her sisters. Or...anyone.

She had originally planned to wait until she reached Gilameyva to send a letter, but wandering around a pawnshop, she found herself struck with a wave of homesickness. No, that couldn’t be what it was--Prythian was not her home, and she did not miss living South of the Wall. She only missed being human.

And her sisters too, she supposed. She guessed she missed them. Which was odd, because she didn’t think she had missed them all her time in Illyria.

That was the difference. She had been kept in Illyria, she had chosen to cross the sea.

So as she sold an old locket she never liked, she bought some paper and ink and asked the male at the desk where she could send post.

That night, after a quiet dinner alone in her room, she sat by the small side table and stared at the paper before her.

She could feel her cheeks redden. Guilt or shame or something else, she didn’t know. But she didn’t know what to write.

She didn’t want to address her note. She didn’t even want to address her leaving.

Coward, she thought to herself, and made up her mind:

Dear Elain and Feyre,

I’m well. I’ve made it to Montesere. It’s boring landscape. The sea is lovely, though. I can hear it from my room late at night when it’s quiet.

I won’t be staying here for long. I’d like to head farther South.

Here she paused. The sea is lovely...small talk. Ridiculous. These were her sisters. Sure, she had never truly opened up to them, but she had come close, a few times. And they deserved more than this, didn’t they? So she continued:

I know you must be worried. You needn’t be. I’m all right.

I’m sorry if my leaving hurt you. I was drowning. I hope you can understand.

That part was more for Feyre. Because she would understand, wouldn’t she? Being locked up?

Nesta read her letter over a few more times. There wasn’t a lot written, but she couldn’t think of anything to say, so she just signed it Love always, Nesta.

That would have to do for now.

---

October 19 - 4 years after

Even though Cassian left yesterday, Nesta can still feel his presence in her home. And she knows that even though she hadn’t seen him for four years, nothing between them had changed...and yet, everything is different.

It’s the same because he’s still there, under her skin and in the back of her mind, his presence haunting her like ghosts of her past and taunts of her future all at once. And it isn’t because--well--she’s got her children to think of, doesn’t she? And the fact that he never wrote her back.

After their talk, she did not dare ask why he had not read her letters, too scared to learn the reason. Mercifully, he did not ask why she hadn’t written after they were born or why she did not come back to Prythian.

She’s not ready to have that conversation, but it had loomed over the course of his stay.

He left yesterday, with promises to return in three days.

She tells all this to Miri at work, in hushed tones, hidden between the shelves of the non-fiction section.

“And were they sad to see him go?” she asks.

“I think they were a bit upset at first, but we told them he’d come back with gifts before the weekend,” Nesta says.

“And you?” Miri says gently.

“And I what?”

“Were you sad?”

Nesta pauses her re-shelving. “I was...not sad,” she says, voice soft. “I know he’ll be back. And I wouldn’t miss him anyway.”

“Nesta, it’s all right,” Miri says. “You can tell me what you feel.”

“It’s been too long to miss him,” Nesta lies. “I don’t want to open all that up again, anyway.”

But watching him with the children, Nesta couldn’t help thinking of what could have been. How co-parenting for the past three years might have worked. She loves having the last word, making all the decisions herself, all the pride going to her. But what would it have been like to have someone to share the burden of Ollie’s chronic coughing with as a newborn? Someone to take on the role of child-rearer alongside her. Not a friend helping her out, but someone who lived with her, whom the children equated with her.

Zeyn would have done that, she thinks, and shoves the thought away.

She knows she’s being ridiculous, anyway. She left Prythian because Cassian could not be her future. She was not his priority and in the end he wasn’t hers. They weren’t enough for each other and they couldn’t make it work. Of course her children ended up being the most immeasurable happiness she ever could have received, but she did not plan or want a pregnancy four years ago, certainly not with Cassian.

Nostalgia is rose-colored, she guesses.

“Have you told anyone else?” Miri says.

“Just Amorette,” Nesta says. “She’s coming over tonight after the children go to bed.”

“Good.” Miri nods, and doesn’t mention Zeyn, for which Nesta is grateful.

Amorette is Nesta’s closest friend in Gilameyva, a healer who treated Nesta during her pregnancy and then delivered her children.

She has barely had time to see her these past three days, much less talk and try to sort herself aloud, and that’s another thing she’s upset about.

She hides enough from Amorette, Adil, Miri, and Zeyn without her past creeping into their lives. She feels guilty and dishonest, especially when Zeyn grins broadly at her and asks her when she’s going to let him come over for dinner.

“Or did you think I hadn’t noticed you’d been keeping me out?” he teases.

Nesta ignores the twist of her insides. “Now’s not a good time,” she says, focusing on the piles of books in front of her.

“I know what it is,” Zeyn says, and his voice isn’t joking. It’s soft, and he comes up behind her to wrap her in a hug.

“You’re worried about Chokecherry, aren’t you?” he says.

Nesta’s glad he’s behind her, head buried in her neck, so he can’t see her flinch when she hears his concern and feels his kiss.

“Yes,” she says, swallowing the vile feeling. “It’s money I need, Zeyn.”

Shutting him out, lying to him about shutting him out, and even lying to him about money now that she knows it is no longer a concern might not have bothered her when she first came North of the Wall. But now she’s almost normal, happy in her home, and this isn’t who she is. Especially not where Zeyn is concerned.

“I’ll help you,” he says, his voice slightly muffled against her shoulder. “You know that...we’ll all help you. We won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I know,” Nesta says. Because she knows he believes that and for now that’s enough. She doesn’t need to think about how she knows it isn’t true.

Cassian lives in the skies, but she’s always associated him more with the ocean: relentless, ever-moving, ever-pushing forward, useless to fight against. And she knows she’s going to drown.

---

October 1 - Year of

He had gone again, to another camp. Whether or not it was the same one he had been to last time she did not know, but he had said he might be a bit longer this time. She didn’t want to waste anytime. She left the house shortly after he did.

She glared at the chocolate bar still waiting on the kitchen table. He was so infuriating sometimes.

Nesta didn’t quite know where she was going, but her feet lead her to the bar. She supposed it was hopeless to go inside.

Her head was, as always, pounding. The pain in her blood and bones would not clear. She needed a drink. She needed a distraction. She needed...a job.

She started as the thought hit her. A job. With a paycheck. She could afford passage to Gilameyva. She could support herself. She could leave.

But where was she going to find one? She knew the barmale wouldn’t hire her, out of fear of Cassian’s retribution. There were the shops...she was good with numbers. She could bookkeep, she was sure.

But there was no point of even asking. The shopkeepers were all scared of her. She saw a help wanted sign inside on of the clothing stores and stepped inside, and a hush fell over the place. No one met her eyes, and when the salesgirl approached her to ask if she needed help, Nesta could smell her anxiety.

(Another thing she hated about herself--smelling emotions was beyond bizarre. It felt unnatural. And it made it that much harder to keep her own secrets.)

So not a store. Or at least, not one here. There were some smaller shops, pressed deeper into the mountains, she thought. She had seen people with bags she hadn’t recognized coming from the wrong directions. So maybe there.

She had to. She couldn’t stay here. Not with him. She’d die first.

---

October 19 - 4 years after

Her first glimpse of Sugar Valley is not what she expected. A quiet berry-township with no discernible nightlife. Not even a bar, as far as she can tell.

“I can’t believe Netsa’s been living here,” Azriel says, mostly to himself.

“I know,” Elain says. “It’s so...small.”

“All the berry-towns are,” he says.

“No, I don’t mean the size. I mean...a small town. Small people. Small lives. Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” she says hurriedly. “It’s just...it reminds me a bit of where we grew up, and I always thought Nesta would change the world. Move to the Continent and make a name for herself.”

Azriel smiles. “She has moved to the Continent and made a name for herself.” His voice is almost teasing, and Elain allows herself a moment to enjoy the warmth that spreads through her. He only takes that tone with her.

“I guess I mean if I had to guess which of my sisters would be ruling a country, it would have been Nesta.”

Azriel doesn’t answer for a few seconds, and at first she thinks it’s because he’s upset. He is, after all, loyal to his High Lady. But then he says, “I don’t think she would like that.”

Elain frowns. “Well, you barely know Nesta at all.” She doesn’t mean to sound so sharp.

But Azriel doesn’t take offense, and his tone is as gentle as ever. “I don’t mean that you don’t care for her,” he says. “I only mean...she did choose this. She chose Sugar Valley. So...she must like a small town.”

Elain tugs at her hair. “Perhaps,” she says, quietly.

She hates to think there are parts of Nesta others have noticed that she hasn’t. She suddenly feels a strong possessive feeling. She has never had to share Nesta before. She had been all hers, then she had been no one’s, now she belongs to three small children Elain has never met and Gilameyvan fae and maybe Cassian and who knows who else?

But Elain doesn’t like the jealousy inside her. It’s not like her.

“Why are you so anxious?” Azriel asks her.

“Why am I so anxious?” She looks at him in disbelief, but he waits patiently for a reply. She sighs. “Because I don’t know if I’ll recognize her. Maybe I lost her. Maybe she’s too different.”

Azriel takes a step closer. She shivers.

“You’re both different,” he says. “People change. But you’ll still move in sync. She loved you too much to have lost that.”

She smiles slightly at him. “Let’s hope so,” she says.

He takes an abrupt step back. “Are you sure you don’t want me to escort you farther,” he says, his tone more formal, showing less emotion.

He does that, still. When they get too close, too comfortable.

“No, thank you,” she says.

Nesta doesn’t want her and Feyre to visit, Cassian said. She doesn’t know what her reaction to Azriel at her door would be, but she’s certain nothing good.

“I’ll wait here, then,” he says.

“Thank you,” she says, and she smiles at him again before turning in the direction Cassian had instructed her to.

The town really is quite small, and before long, she reaches a collection of houses that all have the same general look: white or grey or blue, with red roofs. Some two-stories, some bungalows, all relatively small. Elain doubts anyone has more than what they need...but perhaps they like it that way.

Nesta’s lawn is mostly neat, with more wild bloodroot than proper grass. She has her own sugarberry tree. There are some toys scattered here and there.

And she keeps a rose bush by her porch. That makes Elain smile. A rosebush demands care; it can’t be left to grow wild. It looks well-kept, and she loves the idea of Nesta taking care of it.

She supposes Nesta takes care of lots of things she never used to before.

With the white door in front of her, Elain figures there’s no point in dawdling. So she knocks.

Nesta must know it’s her before she opens the door, because Elain only has to wait a moment before she appears before her, shutting it quickly behind her.

Elain sucks in a breath. Nesta. Alive, breathing, beautiful. And angry.

“What are you doing here?” she hisses, brilliant grey eyes storming.

“Nesta,” she says, for she cannot bring herself to say anything else. “Oh, Nesta!” And she throws herself on her sister, squeezing her tightly in a hug.

“Elain--”

But Elain isn’t interested in hearing her protests. It’s been too long since she felt her warm curves (now more rounded than they once were), breathed in her distinct floral scent. “Oh, Nesta, you’re all right!”

“Get off of me,” Nesta says, but she does not push her away.

Excellent. Despite her fuming, her pain, she is happy to see her too.

“I have missed you every single day,” she says, determined not to cry as she does so. “Every second.” She breaks away to look into Nesta’s eyes.

As usual, they betray nothing.

Elain isn’t bothered, though. She knows how deeply Nesta feels; she simply hides it all. Elain has known this her whole life. Others think her cold, distant, but Elain knows how brightly Nesta burns and she has always felt the fire.

“And I am so sorry,” she says, slowly, meaning each word, staring her right in the eye.

At this Nesta looks away. “Elain....”

“We don’t have to talk about it now,” she says briskly. Nesta doesn’t want to address it now, and that’s fine. They have forever to talk. They’re together now, and that’s what matters. That has to be what matters. “I want to meet my niece and nephews.” She smiles.

Nesta’s eyes dart back to Elain’s and narrow. “That’s what this is about?”

Elain’s smile does not waver. Her sister is terrifying, she knows, but she has no reason to fear. This is Nesta, who has taken care of her her entire life. “Of course not. I would come for you regardless. But since you have them...” Elain trails off.

She has grown strong. She is not so afraid anymore, of herself, of the world Feyre brought them into. Of being alone. She wants to show Nesta.

Nesta breathes deeply. “I told...I said I don’t want them meeting any of you...just yet,” she adds rather hastily, when she sees the hurt in Elain’s eyes.

“You’re punishing us?” she asks, devastated.

“Elain, please. Don’t be so dramatic. I don’t want to overwhelm them.”

“I know it will take time to forgive me, and Feyre too, but please. Please, Nesta, we love you so much, you know that. Just let me see them. I’ll help you. I’ll move here.”

“You are not moving to Sugar Valley.”

“Well, I doubt you’ll move back to the Night Court just yet.”

Nesta lets out a sound of disbelief. “Do you think!”

“So I will stay here,” Elain says. She knows Nesta is hurt, and she has every right to be, but this cannot be unforgivable. Nesta has loved her too much, all her life, to cut her out completely, when she is standing before her and begging.

“Elain,” she says, moving closer a bit, and lowering her voice. “I have a life here. A home. Do you understand that?”

Elain does not wince at her tone. She can read her sister better than anything. “I know,” she says. “I want to be part of it. I want to be in your life. All your lives.”

Nesta bites her tongue, and that makes Elain’s heart sink.

Because all the venom from her sister was towards Cassian, she knew. Because her sister would not have let herself do anything to potentially sabotage her children’s future, and Elain presented her with an outlet for some of it. But biting her tongue...to hide what she wanted to throw at Elain. Venom Elain deserved.

Even in her righteous anger, Nesta still protected her sister. Even from herself.

“I love you, Nesta,” she says, ever patient. “Please let me in.”

She reaches out a hand and takes Nesta’s in her own. She rubs her thumb over the back, like Nesta would do years ago, when they were young and came to their older sister, frightened of storms or darkness.

“Elain. I said no.” And she takes her hand back, folding her arms. Her eyes dull, tired more than anything else.

Elain’s face falls with her heart again. This she did not expect. Nesta does not always let her in, but she lets her be by her side, always.

Was it too much? Is she to be exiled from her elder sister’s life forever? Not for the first time, Elain curses herself for agreeing with Feyre’s miserably executed, if well-intentioned, plan.

“I don’t understand,” she says, and her voice is a whisper in an attempt to hide the pain.

“You don’t have children,” Nesta says, and she is almost gentle as she replies.

With a jerk backwards, Elain realizes something.

Out of the three of them, she is the only one who thinks of herself as sister first.

Feyre is a mate. Nesta is a mother. Elain is a sister.

To two females who have their own lives.

This is not about you, she tells herself.

“How long do I have to wait,” she says, stumbling over the words and fighting to keep her voice even.

Nesta sighs, and Elain feels guilty and a burden and sorry, so sorry. Sorry she let her leave, sorry she didn’t get over her hurt and read the letters, sorry she did not chase after her, and sorry she came.

“You don’t want me here,” she says, her voice broken.

Perhaps she is not strong. Perhaps nothing has changed for her.

“Just some time, Elain,” Nesta is saying. “Are you...do you have a place to stay? I can....”

But Elain does not listen. Because she has failed and everything is wrong and sometimes you can feed your soil and sow your seeds but it does not matter because there is no rain.

This cannot be irreversible. This cannot be forever. Because forever means something now, and it cannot exist without Nesta.

She may not be strong. But she knows who is. One of the strongest people she knows. Someone she is lucky to love as much as she loves Nesta.

“I’m coming back tomorrow,” she says, determined. And she pulls Nesta in for another hug before turning on her heel and leaving.

She perhaps is not as resilient as Nesta or steadfast as Feyre, but she loves them. Forever. And that might not be as impressive a strength, but it’s what she has, and she will not give up. On either of her sisters. They will be together again. Because she is a sister.

And, she realizes, she is an aunt.

And that’s a new and wonderful thing to think of herself as.

---

Chapter Five